#i spent way too much time on this then i probally should have--

[newfruitymaze]

✍ if yer still doin this,,,,, henry 👀👀

work can get really tiring sometimes

[kaorisun]

Oh my god the fact this fan fic really fueled my angsty heart.

My-my I??? Um...okay *inhale*

HAVE A ANGST WITH JEAN WHATEVER 5 STAR CHARACTER YOU CHOOSE TO CONFESS THEIR FEELINGS ONLY TO BE REJECTED CUZ S/O LIKE AETHER?

And they stated that (chr name) is probally a cheater, too busy, boring or just felt like it won't work out

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❀ GENSHIN. you reject their confession

characters included : jean, diluc, albedo, eula

tags : angst, gender neutral reader

author’s note : okay so I absolutely LOVE this idea— I’m all for rejection angst, and have been wanting something to write after the little hiatus I’ve been on— thank you for this request 🖤

— JEAN

— You were apart of the Knights of Favonius, working under Lisa as a researcher. You trained behind the scenes with a certain Dark Knight as a swordsman as well. Your vision was a badge that symbolized your passion, hard work and ambition to the world. Jean admired you more than no other. She met you through Lisa, and as she’s gotten to know you more, she’s become increasingly infatuated with you. Unfortunately, she really just couldn’t place how you felt towards her and it was confusing. You became the daydream that clouded her mind when she was supposed to be working, though she couldn’t help it.

— Eventually, she consulted Lisa for assistance. Lisa knew you best as she spent the most time with you, so Jean figured that she’d have the answers. Lisa explained that she’s seen you spend time with Diluc, Albedo, Amber, Aether, Razor, Eula— countless people. Lisa then followed up with the fact that none of them really seemed significant, though. You acted the same around all of them, so it was truly just a coin flip. You could like anyone. Jean felt at a loss— she didn’t know what to do.

— A certain Cavalry Captain soon caught wind of the Acting Grand Master’s romantic woes and chimed in with his own recommendation. Kaeya told her that she should take the chance, and that the only way to guarantee never being by your side was never giving you a chance by keeping her feelings secret. Jean was hesitant, but soon agreed. She would confess to you. The way you made her feel— she just couldn’t ignore it any longer. She had to tell you how she felt so she could finally be given an answer.

— She’d (for once) taken a day off to prepare herself for the moment. She’d requested your presence that night at the tree in Windrise and you’d agreed. She stopped by Flora’s and had the best of Mondstadt’s local blooms selected in a bouquet for you. Small lamp grass, calla lillies and cecilias touched with, of course, dandelions. After gathering the bouquet and rehearsing her speech over and over again in her head, she finally headed out to her destination. As the sun set on the horizon, she felt the nerves settle into her system. This was real and she was doing this. She could be bold on the battlefield, but in a field of emotions, she often finds herself lost and anxious.

— Seeing your frame in the warm tones of the sunset settled her nerves a bit. You looked amazing. Perfect, in her eyes. As she approached you, she felt any remnants of regret or anxiety crumble away. Your presence always brought her so much joy and comfort, so she found it difficult to hold on to any of those negative thoughts. She was hopeful, and so she took the leap of faith.

— She confessed how she felt for you. Stating that your company was the one she enjoyed the most. She always looked forward to your conversations and to spending time with you. She loved the quiet nights where you two would read together in the library, and your kind-hearted nature, yet strong and ambitious spirit was one she admired. She liked you— more than she could admit at the moment. She presented the bouquet of carefully wrapped flowers to you, a bashful, yet content look in her eyes at her rehearsed speech going well.

— She felt her heart drop upon seeing your expression. It was hesitant. You accepted the flowers graciously, but soon looked to her with a sad smile and a distant gaze in your eyes. She knew immediately what that meant before you said anything, but your words only solidified what she had expected. You didn’t feel the same. You saw her as a close friend, but you were flattered at the expression of affection.

— You soon explained to her in all honesty the reason why you felt the way you did. Jean was always busy, and you just couldn’t see a relationship fitting into that. On top of that, you had feelings for another and you couldn’t do something as shallow as leading her on. You cared too much for her to be dishonest with her, or to hurt her any further by faking something you didn’t feel. Jean gave a curt nod before giving a soft smile.

— She thanked you for your honesty with her, parting with a small farewell before heading back to the city. She ignored all comments from Lisa and Kaeya as she walked into the Favonius Headquarters, locking herself in her office. Lisa and Kaeya both immediately knew what that signified, and they felt awful. Pushing Jean to do something so bold and then allowing her to get rejected. Though, they just never expected that you didn’t reciprocate Jean’s romantic feelings.

— DILUC

— You were a frequent visitor of the Angel’s Share. You never drank though and that piqued Diluc’s interest, so he asked. He learned that you were an adventurer, and that you stopped by to destress, but alcohol wasn’t relaxing for you. You often ordered the tavern’s non-alcoholic beverages. Diluc took a liking to you because of your mutual dislike for alcohol, so he made an effort to actually talk with you.

— He never suspected that chatting with a regular at the bar would turn into so much more. You had a few deep conversations in which he learned of your passion, ambition, and motivation. He learned why you went on adventures every day and learned of the hard work that went behind your dream. Seeing the dangling vision from your clothing was something he could respect, but hearing first hand of the experiences you went through made him admire you even more. Beyond that, he began to learn about you more closely and you had much more in common than just a distaste for alcohol.

— Soon enough, with how frequently you came in, how often you helped him even if he insisted otherwise and with how much you talked closely with him— it felt inevitable to him that he’d eventually fall for you. And he fell hard. Seeing you set alight a flame in his heart, a passion that his pyro vision was originally gifted for— something he hadn’t felt in a long time. He found himself allowing his gaze to linger just a moment longer on you and what you did. He loved everything about you. You made him feel the warmth he felt like he’d lost years ago.

— He wrote down how he felt about you in a letter. He wasn’t one to ask for advice from anyone, and it wasn’t as if there was anyone he trusted with such an intimate topic anyways. He felt that written words could express his love for you much better than anything he could ever say. So he wrote— wrote of the infectious nature of your passion and how that influenced him, talked of the many conversations you had and how he adored listening to your stories— he even mentioned how warm you made him feel, such a stark contrast to what he was used to. Upon finishing his letter, he signed it with his name and had it delivered to you through the Adventurer’s Guild while you were out on an expedition. He figured that it’d be best so you could have enough time to process his confession.

— He awaited your return anxiously, unaware if you got his letter and unaware as to how you felt towards him. He stood behind the bar— insistent on working every day so he could catch you the moment you got back. He heard a familiar greeting and turned to meet your gaze. You had the letter in your hand and he felt himself go silent, awaiting your response. He met your eyes once more and soon noticed the sad look you had and he felt his heart fall. You sat at the bar, your eyes scanning the bar as you contemplated your next words carefully.

— You ended up being upfront and honest. You expressed to Diluc that you felt the same, but that your adventures took up most of your time. You were passionate about traveling the world, and you simply didn’t have time for a relationship at the moment. You never stayed in one place for very long, and you felt that it was unfair to start a relationship with Diluc when you weren’t even sure how long you’d be in Mondstadt for. You also would never ask him to wait for you either.

— Diluc was upset, but fully understood the reasoning behind your actions. He agreed that it was likely for the best, but just asked that after your adventures, you’d come back to visit. You told him that you would, and that perhaps at a different time, you’d be able to meet up again. Diluc knew you were the right person. He only wished that it were the right time for you two.

— ALBEDO

— Albedo didn’t exactly warm up to you very quickly. You were another alchemist— a friend of Timaeus. He met you when you happened to be in the lab with his apprentice, and he thought nothing of it until he eventually saw your experiment notes. The way you thought, how you saw the world and how you understood what was before you— it was unlike anything Albedo had ever experienced before. You were a phenomenal researcher— someone with a mind made for alchemy. He talked to you more after his discovery and you grew closer.

— You two always conducted experiments together, but you always split your time between Albedo and Timaeus, as well as Sucrose. You never showed favoritism, and when that began to irk Albedo slightly, he sought to understand more. He was unsure why he felt that way, but had his suspicions. With time, he came to understand that it was because his fascination with you had grown into fondness. He was curious about how you thought, yes, but more importantly he’d grown to love hearing your thoughts and explained actions. He grew to love you and no longer wanted to be without you.

— He supposed he should just be honest, seeing no true reason to dodge this sort of conversation. He understood fully how he felt, so letting you know was the next logical step. He gathered a few cecilias, and when you returned from your survey research in Dragonspine, he approached you and laid all of his feelings out for you clearly.

— You accepted the flowers graciously. He saw you contemplate for a moment, noticing your eyes scanning as you gathered your thoughts and processed what he had said. You soon met his eyes with a small smile.

— You told him you didn’t feel the same. Your curiosity was never one that crossed paths with romance, and you had no interest in it. You reassured that you didn’t find Albedo uninteresting— it was just the prospect of romance that you didn’t have much care for. Albedo nodded in understanding and gave you a rare smile, thanking you for your honesty.

— While yes, Albedo was disappointed at the outcome, he wasn’t upset. He respected your decision and figured that that was just how you were, so it was nothing to be sad over. He would continue to cherish your friendship and become closer to you as a lab partner and a trusted friend.

— EULA

— Eula and you met through Amber. You had become the only other Outrider in Mondstadt, and seeing as Amber viewed Eula as a close friend, she introduced you both as you were someone she was also fond of. Eula spewed her usual about vengeance, but found herself at a loss for words when you simply laughed it off and told her that you looked forward to whatever vengeance she had to seek against you.

— Usually people called her crazy, became confused, or rolled their eyes at Eula’s nature, but your lighthearted and playful response was the first she’d gotten and it made her happy. She’d met someone who wasn’t trying to stray her away from her vengeance and was actually attempting to understand her.

— With that, she enacted her “revenge” by monitoring your outrider duties, claiming that she had to keep you under close watch when in reality she simply wanted to spend time with you. She realized later that you knew what her true reason was, but you made no comment and allowed her to use whatever excuse she needed.

— Seeing your strength, agility and kindness up close solidified how much she adored and admired you. It was no wonder you were an outrider when you could do so much. She wanted so badly to spend time with you away from your knightly duties. She wanted to enact vengeance on you for making her fall so deeply in love. So she decided that the proper revenge would be letting you know how she felt.

— She prepared an eloquently written speech and a single, beautiful windwheel aster and asked you to meet her when you were off of work. You both met by the bridge in front of the city, and she told you how she felt. She loved you, your company, your strength— you. She wanted to spend time with you outside of just your patrols and your work. She wanted you to be by her side and wanted to be able to call you hers.

— She presented you with the flower and you grabbed it before laughing a bit. You have her a sorrowful smile before shaking your head. You told her that while you were flattered, you couldn’t lie to her and say that you liked her when you didn’t. You loved someone else, and you only viewed her as a friend.

— Eula felt her heart break and held back tears. She muttered under her breath and swore vengeance against you before leaving you in the dust, left to watch her run back into the city, unable to do anything to help her.

— Eula didn’t mean a word she said. She couldn’t get revenge on you— she had no reason to. You were honest and courteous in your response as per usual— kind and perfect. She couldn’t force you to love her— she knew that. She was still upset though. She could only hope that whoever held your gaze was good enough for you. She swore that if they were to ever hurt you, and if she’d ever have to see you mourn over someone not worth it— she’d get her vengeance.

[sammysnaughtygirl]

the way you treat me

Fandom: Walker (TV 2021)Rating"R Warnings:adult content Characters: Cordell Walker (Walker TV 2021), Grace& Emily Tags: Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Walker Bingo, Angst, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Shameless Smut, Crossover Pairings, - Fantasy Summary: cordwell walker uses blackmail against rival Grace

Square Filled"blackmail,Angst cordell walker ,had had a bad day at work ,his face was smeared with redness as he had just bumped into an old friend and found out that she too was now a texas ranger and he couldnt understand what she was up to why she had joined the force why she had come back to town without informing him if made him fume with anger ,G race was cordy,s longtime friend but before she had left town without letting him know she was leaving they had become more than friends so he thought now he just didnt want to see her at all.his mind wondering what had sent her packing had also wanted to know what had brought her home cordell was so upset he just starting throwing things around the room shattering glass and smashing holes into the walls with his fist he was now in a new relationship with emily but if knew if he spent even just one moment with Grace he wouldnt be able to control himself because he knew deep down in his heart he wasnt over her so he made up his mind he just had to prepare himself for their reunion ,Emily had to be first he had to make himself keep her the focus of his agenda but he felt he knew it was gonna take all the power he had to do this. he snatched open the fridge and grabbed a beer before plopping into the chair in front of the tv he drank serval before heading off to bed his dreams were covered with images of Grace dancing thru out the night when he awoke he dressed in a hurry and dashed out for the office praying he was early enough that he wouldnt run into her as cordell was reaching for his assignment the door flung open and in a instant Grace came gliding thru it as if she hadnt a care in the world not even taking notice of cordell standing there glaring at her Grace stumbled into the bosses office and drapped herself in the seat asking what she needed to do for the day,she was handed an assignment the boss making it clear that she need to take charge and get to work immeditaly so she ripped the paper in half and stuck in her pocket ,out the door she went with no hesitation not looking to see her new partner might be as she reached the patrol car cordy stood beside the passenger side door with anger in his eyes omg Grace plurred out not you ,well im not happy about this either cordell shouted back to her its not my cup of tea to have to see you again. me, Grace was stung with his words why are you so mad at me ,cordell couldnt believe she would even ask him such a thing you left not explaining to me why or if you,d come back how was i to know you couldnt handle things what Grace asked she started to laugh at his gesture which made him grow angerier ,Grace could see hurt in him im sorry for not talking to you before i just took off but i didnt know how to deal with what was happening not just between us i had alot going on,so why didnt you come & tell me this did it make it better to shut me out to take the high road and just leave me in the dark? no it wasnt fair for me to leave without explaining to you why i had to im listening cordell said ,we cant do this now she told him we have work to do,oh i get it the old dodge the question routine, no it will just have to wait Grace said work has to come first sure cordell agreed as they both jumped into the patrol car this isnt uncormfortable at all Grace said cordell sneered at her without saying a word back the day grew long but they stayed silent after all they both were just not ready for real talk soon the day had come to end and they parted ways waiting for the right time to open the wounds she had left behind Grace didnt know exactly how much hurt she had caused. the next day she hoped things would look clearer but cordell wasnt going to make it easy for her he wanted answers he pulled her aside after arriving at work the next day ,we have to have to talk about it he said fine Grace followed him into

breakroom i need to know why you left he asked she looked at him her eyes were filled with tears i had to she told him but why ,why i dont understand he looked confused Grace nodded her head i know you dont ,Emily found out and she threatened you what,no way not possible cordell said she threatened me how ? she threatened to have your job she knew how much you meant to me still do actually ,stop it cordell pleaded i dont trust you anymore fine Grace told him ask her yourself she was afraid of the time we were spending togather she knew you had fallen for me too thats why she did it,she wanted to tear us apart and it looks like it worked your the one who walked away not me i would have never left you .i need to talk to Emily still dont believe me huH? cordell turned his back and walked out of the room,he stormed out of the building pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed Emilys she picked up after just two rings hello ,Emily i need to see you now can you meet me at the square in an hour sure babe she told him what,s up nothing i just need to see you its important ok ill be there see ya soon bye she said,cordell got into his pickup truck and drove to the square where he waited for Emily to show up he sat in the middle of the square at a table directly facing the road so he could see her before she seen him ,the minutes went by quickly and before he knew it she was pulling into a parking spot he watched her as got out and started to walk over to his table he stood up as she approached him and he kissed the side of her check whats up anything wrong she asked him ,cordell shook his head you tell me he said why did you threaten Grace & me it was blackmail you know that right wait stop she nodded i can explain ,explain what how you took her away from me how this was all your fault?thats not what i meant Emily spoke i need to let you know why i did it i love you,no you just wanted what you couldnt have isnt that right you knew i loved her ,you knew how i felt about her and you didnt say a thing ,you probally knew she loved me as well is that why you did it ? i didnt mean to you didnt mean to what hurt me how did you think i was gonna react did you think i was gonna just fall into bed with you was that it ,Emily grabbed his hand i love you not her,cordell slowly removed her hand from his im sorry i dont feel the same yes you do i know you do she started to become violent and adutanted no i dont cordell tried to be calm with her as she was going off on him he decided it was time to just walk away as she tried holding on to him .you cant just walk away she cried as cordell fled,Grace was alone back at her moms old place and cordell knew he would find her there so he wasted no time after his meeting with Emily he knew now what had happened so he was headed to comfront her once again ,when he reached the porch of her house he started to feel those old feelings surface as he knocked on the door Grace peaked out to see who it was can i come in he asked sure she lead him inside i talked to Emily really Grace said howd that go i know what you told me was true i was just mad and hurt im sorry for the things i said to you apology accepted ,she told him he stood there learing at her what whats wrong she asked how could do that to me ,cordell i told you no i mean really how could you just walk away knowing how i felt about you i didnt want to cause trouble for you i wasnt sure if you felt the way i did ,so i just gave in to her demands it was easier than being rejected by you ,how can you say that you know id never reject you,he took a step foward and placed his hands around to cradle her face im in love with you how could you not see that he leaned down and softly kissed her pink lips she could feel her body clinging to his every word i want to be with you not Emily .Grace was so excited she threw her arms around him and squezed him so tight as if she never wanted to let go the tension was mounting the heat from his touch made her dizzy,maybe we should move this to your bedroom cordell implied catching her breath yes maybe we

should he scoped Grace up his his arms and carried her to the bedroom bringing the door shut with his foot he dropped her on the bed gently and drapped himself over the top of her and leaned in glancing her over before brushing a kiss against her lips ,standing to his feet he lifted Grace and slowly undressed her his hands once again found her mouth tracing the outline of her lips with his fingertips ,moving back on the bed cordell slide his hands down her body tracing her outline it made Grace tingle with every touch the two conitnued on to make sweet love and ended the night falling asleep moments later being at peace with one another embracing their newfound love .Grace dreamed that night the most beautiful dream ever .the way you treat me its the most beautiful thing i could ever imagine she had found what she was searching for cordell .

[hudscnwilliams]

ooc: alright, so hudson does want macbeth, although who knows if he actually mentally would be right for that right now considering the whole murder bit. i think truthfully, he just wants one opportunity to shine, considering he thinks he probably won’t have much of a career after this. this is his big chance to show how talented he is. he’s also, of course, grappling with covering up orson’s murder and so that’s left him in a rough spot right now. so, he honestly has more he should be worrying about than macbeth. given the fact that he knows he was going to be the lead, though, it would probably make him sad and maybe a little bit bitter towards whoever does get macbeth if he doesn’t. 

i think he’s been able to shut off some of his emotions this week and compartmentalize it all. he will have to confront his feelings at some point, but right now, he can focus on this audition. that’s why he goes in so well prepared and performs well. he’s ignoring how stressed, scared, and upset he is in favor of focusing on iago’s maliciousness. love that for him. 

in terms of roles, i think he would prefer macbeth first, and then malcolm, then macduff or maybe even lady macbeth if that’s a thing that could be possible. then banquo or the witches or one of the other thanes. but also, casting could completely not go his way! who knows!

the lights in the theatre felt too bright, and the stage too warm. maybe that was just hudson’s nerves talking, though. auditions always took a lot out of him. he spent the week leading up to them pouring over his monologue, working on analyzing it from beginning to end, and making sure all of his character choices made sense. and in the past, it had always been for nothing. he had spent so long stressing himself out, hoping that perhaps this would be the audition that made orson give him a lead, but he was always left playing the understudy. 

heidi had said that wouldn’t necessarily be the case this time, but hudson had his doubts. what was the point in getting his hopes up if she just went with the obvious casting choices orson would make?

and yet, well...his hopes were up, a bit. more than hudson would like to admit. maybe this time would be different. maybe this time, someone would see that he was talented and hard working and deserved to be the lead role. maybe, just maybe, he would be macbeth.

he wanted it badly. the chance to take center stage, and pour his heart out completely, to open himself up and be raw and vulnerable in ways he’d never been able to before. but did he deserve it? after all, what sort of future did he have after this, anyway? he couldn’t afford to move to new york or london, and unless he impressed some sort of casting agent who came to see their last show, he doubted anyone would be itching to cast him in anything once he left school considering the roles he’d played here at alderidge. maybe it would be better if mathias, jonah or teddy were able to add it to their resume.

but...but was that really fair? all three of them had had moments to shine over the last three semesters. whether it be as the dashing hero, the handsome young lover, or the wicked villain, they had made an impression. they had been center stage. they had been memorable. 

maybe someone else should get a turn, just this once. and why shouldn’t it be hudson? after all, he had learned his lines and their’s for three semesters. he had learned all of their blocking, all of their motivations, all of their research. he’d dived deep into so many character, only to never get to show his work to an audience. maybe, he deserved the chance to prove that orson had been right in finally casting him as the lead.

orson...he couldn’t think about that right now. no, if he let orson get in his head - or if he let himself think too much about that night, and the things he had done to protect teddy - he would never be able to do this. and hudson deserved to be able to get through this. he had done bad things, and he didn’t really believe he was a good person anymore, but he did deserve to have one last good audition. 

he deserved the chance to show heidi that he was better than a small part with a handful of lines. 

waiting was agony, more so than it had been in the past. the stakes were high now, higher than they ever had been before. hudson was ready to rise to the challenge, though.

finally, from heidi, “hudson williams.”

he squared his shoulders, taking a moment to breathe before standing and walking towards the stage. he wasn’t confident or cocky as much as he was poised; he was self-assured. he could do this. hudson could show heidi that he could play someone as complex as macbeth, he just needed to focus. 

standing center stage, hudson stared out into the house, his eyes well-above the blurred face of his new director. she waited patiently, allowing hudson a moment to center himself. 

“i’m hudson williams, and i’m auditioning for the role of macbeth. i’ll be performing iago’s soliloquy from othello. act two, scene three.” he announced with a smile, giving heidi a moment to write that down. then, he got into character, and hudson disappeared. in his place was the confident iago.

“and what’s he then that says i play the villain?” he asked curiously, an eyebrow raised in challenge. he knew the answer already. “when this advice is free i give and honest, probal to thinking and indeed the course to win the moor again?” 

the key to playing iago was in grounding him, hudson knew. he had never played the role himself, but he had seen enough productions to know how easy it was to turn him into some sort of fantastical, animated villain. rather than leaning into the mustache twirling, or maniacal laughter, hudson instead chose to make him feel real. he walked calmly downstage right, allowing this moment to be just between himself and the audience. 

“for ’tis most easy th' inclining desdemona to subdue in any honest suit. she’s framed as fruitful as the free elements.” desdemona was sweet; she had a good heart. iago didn’t necessarily see this as a fault, but he did see it as a ways of manipulating her and others. desdemona meant nothing to him - she was a means to an end. so why should he care about her feelings?

“and then for her to win the moor, were to renounce his baptism, all seals and symbols of redeemèd sin, his soul is so enfettered to her love that she may make, unmake, do what she list, even as her appetite shall play the god with his weak function.” hudson as iago didn’t allow judgement to enter his tone until he spoke of othello. desdemona was innocent, and that made it easy to bend her to his will. that was the trick to getting rid of othello, who had cost iago so much. othello deserved what was coming to him. hudson smirked slightly, unable to stop himself.

iago did not consider himself the villain of this story. he was a man who was over looked and cast aside in the past, and now it was his time to take what he wanted by whatever means necessary. macbeth would surely approve of his ambition and passion, for he himself had those qualities. hudson did not, although he didn’t allow his own thoughts to shine through. iago wasn’t conflicted; he didn’t need hudson’s own morality to make an appearance today. 

“how am i then a villain to counsel cassio to this parallel course, directly to his good?” the advice he had given cassio in the scene before this soliloquy wasn’t wrong or bad; it would actually help him. appealing to desdemona in order to regain favor with othello was a good plan. it just wouldn’t end well for cassio or desdemona, if iago had his say. iago, ever the intellect, used the fact that the advice was sound in order to prove to the audience that he wasn’t a villain. he was a character saturated in grays, full of moral ambiguity. 

“divinity of hell.” hudson scoffed, his emotions bubbling under the surface. he wouldn’t give himself away, though; he could control himself.

“when devils will the blackest sins put on, they do suggest at first with heavenly shows as i do now.” he was aware that his plan would hurt people. however, iago didn’t really care. it wouldn’t hurt him - and othello deserved to be hurt, in his mind. in order to make things right for himself, he had to go through with his plan. 

did the ends justify the means? to iago, they did. hudson didn’t have a good answer for that. if you had asked him a year ago, he would have told you no. but now, after the things that he had done? well...maybe he did agree with iago on that. a little bit. he pushed forward, crossing to downstage center. 

“for whiles this honest fool plies desdemona to repair his fortune and she for him pleads strongly to the moor, i’ll pour this pestilence into his ear: that she repeals him for her body’s lust.” he would convince othello, who trusted him and believed in him, that desdamona was unfaithful to him. that she loved cassio, and was repulsed by othello. it didn’t matter that it was a lie. “and by how much she strives to do him good, she shall undo her credit with the moor. so will i turn her virtue into pitch and out of her own goodness make the net that shall enmesh them all.”

ruining othello would be easy. casting doubt upon those he loved would make him insecure, and that would bring about his downfall.

yes, iago was the villain. he was evil and cruel and greedy, but hudson refused to let him see that in himself. he was justified. iago was only taking back what was owed to him; if he hadn’t been mistreated in the past, then this wouldn’t be happening. 

it was a dark thought, and hudson wasn’t sure he liked going to that place in his own mind. he had been able to separate the character from his own life this week by refusing to think too much about his own experiences. and, truly, he himself wasn’t an iago. maybe there were things that he deserved that weren’t his, but he wouldn’t manipulate someone into ruining themselves for a role.

that wasn’t him. 

perhaps that had helped with compartmentalizing all of this. iago was a character. a rich, layered character, but a character all the same. iago was not hudson; hudson was not iago.

hudson wasn’t macbeth, either, though he could certainly play him.

macbeth was a man who let his ambitions run wild. that was his downfall. hudson? he had ambitions too, although he would never let them hurt those he cared about in the way that macbeth did. he would never hurt teddy the way macbeth killed banquo in order to remain king. nonetheless, his ambitions were real. he wanted more than this - more than bit parts, more than a handful of lines, more than always being the second, third, fourth choice for roles. he craved more. 

maybe that would be his downfall one day too. 

dropping out of character and returning to himself, hudson glanced back into the audience and gave heidi a small, almost shy smile. he hoped he had done enough to impress her. his performance had certainly contained more passion than usual. hudson had breathed life into iago, giving the role his all in a way he hadn’t always been able to achieve in the past. 

“thank you, hudson.” heidi offered him an unreadable smile. he nodded, turning to leave the theatre. 

he had done his best. that was all he could do. 

[drferox]

This is probally outside your expertise but Ive been having trouble finding an answer. What is the evolutionary advantage of 'male' and 'female'? (sperm/ equivalent distributor and egg bearer or whatever the definition is) Why is hermaphroditism not the norm cus wouldnt it be more optimal if you can breed with any mature member of your species instead of just (at best) half? Esp for loner animals that rarely meet. Most of all itd double the offspring if both parties fertilize each other

It’s not exactly my expertise, but it is the sort of thing the LSB and I might discuss as pillow talk. We were bio nerds. Technically still are, I guess.

The facts are that nobody probably knows for certain, but having two sexes (dioecy) predominates in the animal kingdom. It’s not the case in plants, fungi, or single celled organisms. Also once Dioecy has evolved, or hermaphrodititsm has been lost, in an evolutionary history, it’s difficult for a population to go back.

It should also go without saying, but I wills say it anyway because this is Tumblr, that when discussing hermaphrodites in this context it’s not about humans or intersex individuals, but rather about species in general.

We can assume based on the scientific knowledge already available, that the first cells weren’t divided into male and female, they were just single cells, doing their thing. And at some point they evolved into multi-cellular organisms to better gather nutrients and avoid becoming dead. Not all the cells within a multi-cellular organism reproduce, only a few go on to become what we know as gametes (the sex cells) and zygotes (the combination of two compatible sex cells).

Different species may also have different shapes and strategies for those gametes, too, not everything looks like a sperm, but a large, stationary, nutrient rich one (receiver) and a highly mobile one (donor) is a common and effective strategy, but it’s not the only one. You can get isogamous fungi species (only one type of gamete, and it’s all the same).

So if we’re talking about organisms, and you can assume I’m talking about animals from this point on as plants are not really my thing,

So if we have male and female gametes and their associated support systems, seems like a reasonable default to have both systems in an individual. And embryology of mammals suggests this, sometimes you get remnant cysts. There are duct systems for both male and female reproductive tracts in embryos, Wolffian and Mullerian, but one typically regresses during development. So that implies that at least mammal species (I just don’t know enough embryology for other groups) have hermaphroditism in their evolutionary history. So why lose it?

Hermaphroditism is an advantage for species which don’t encounter each other with much frequency, either because they don’t move very far or very much, and don’t put a lot of energy into raising their young. So for some species, like snails and earthworms, there’s an advantage. But it comes with disadvantages too.

It takes extra energy to maintain two reproductive tracts and you need to stop self-fertilization or you’re going to end up with marked inbreeding and a loss of genetic diversity fairly quickly. Some fish solve this with sequential hermaphroditism, where they are both male and female, but not at the same time. Others are just one or the other.

Now let’s say, hypothetically, you have a hermaphrodite species and one individual has a mutation which renders the female tract non-functional. It can now spend that energy it would have spent on the female reproductive tract on other ways, and if it’s something that permits it to encounter more mates (mobility, increased lifespan, better immune system, etc) then it will potentially be at a reproductive advantage and that mutation will propagate through the population.

And when you have a population that consists of hermaphrodites and males, there is now an advantage to having only a functional female reproductive tract, as you have plenty of mates around, but it is more difficult to compete with males for other mating opportunities. So it may be more efficient to have organisms that are either male or female as far as reproductive strategies go. This also allows more room for evolution of diverse form and function, and behavior.

So it’s about competing with members of the same species, and this strategy becomes more viable with a larger population, and even more with increased energy investments in offspring. Basically, if you want to think of it this way, something ‘cheated’ the hermaphrodite system and became male, and them female developed as a response to that ‘cheating’.

It’s a kind of game theory. New strategies develop to adapt to the dominant strategy in play. If everyone’s putting dragonites in Pokemon Go gyms, you level up your ice types to take them down.

Though my interest in evolution is more ‘casually enthused scientist’ these days rather than professional, an actual evolutionary biologist or embryologist might have more to say.

[bloodredcloakblackfur]

Mr. Greasy Wolf

Red here again. So ever take a nice walk and suddenly you think I’m hungry.  You can always take from your basket knowing there’s fresh bread, good meat and something sweet to drink but then you smell it. That tantalizing smell of fat and grease. That mouthwatering taste that comes with it and you look about following it even though it takes you away from your path and you don’t think twice about the basket and the food within that you made sure to have to prevent yourself from the temptation.

However as you try to turn and find you way back you find yourself facing a Wolf..and not a handsome one either. This one is clearly not one who wants your love. No he wants whatever you’ll offer in exchange for the food you smell cooking on the little cart he has. Ignoring the smell is so hard and hearing your stomach growl makes you realize how hungry you are but all the good things..they don’t hold appeal anymore.

The Greasy Wolf just smiles and you want to smile back despite the fact you need to turn away. You start to turn but something in you can’t and you wonder over just to look and smell. The Wolf’s smile getting wider and wider as he knows this game and he’s played it well for years.

Sadly often we fall into this trap. I’m guilty of it. More than I care to admit and you know why? It’s easy, it’s fast and often cheap. However it also leaves me with the feeling that I’m easy, fast and cheap. I’m none of these things but still.

One of these traps that are so easy to fall into is shopping when hungry. Yeah not a smart idea if you have to go shopping because there is no food in the house..well nothing to make a meal out of. Do a few things first.

First things first drink a glass of cold water. Yes there is a reason for this. Sometimes your body isn’t really hungry. It’s just boredom or you’re dehydrated. I’m guilty of not drinking enough water which sucks but hey it happens. However this is also a trick I’ve realized actually works. A few times I thought I was hungry and then just went and drank some water. Wait a few minutes, try to wait five, if you’re still feeling hungry then that is your signal you are hungry.

Infused waters are also a good idea here as sometimes the taste will defuse the hunger and you’re getting good nutrients into your body.

My doctor once told me it takes the body five to ten minutes to tell you that you are full. That’s why people often over eat. By the time our body gets the signal going that we are full..well we’ve already over eaten and we feel sick from being too full or just feel plan miserable.

Here’s the second idea have a small snack, because some hunger pains are just that. A piece of fruit, maybe a handful of nuts ( I love almonds unsalted and plain). A hand full of baby carrots, a few slices of cucumbers are good too. It’s up to you. It won’t fill you up but  it will prevent you from getting distracted from shopping by hunger pains.

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve made bad decisions while being distracted by my hunger. I’d go in and suddenly smell chicken cooking in the deli or something baking in the bakery and well there goes my brain being overrode by my stomach. Also bad habit of mine to stop by fast food before and after shopping, it’s easy but it’s unhealthy. Mostly because if you’re like me you buy a lot of food at once and by the time you’re done you don’t have the energy or the will power to cook.

If you have a cheat day, the day you do the shopping might be it if you find yourself falling into this habit. Just make sure you have the time to digest after you eat if you go get a meal before otherwise those hunger pains that are still going before your body realizes your full can fuel the bad choices.

Third idea and I consider an important step: MAKE A LIST! And set a spending limit

Honestly impulse buys happen because we don’t have a structured idea of what we are getting. However there are some people who can just walk in and get what they need and walk out. I am not one of those people. I need that damn list or I end up with twenty more items when I only came in for two.

Sometimes it’s okay to add somethings to the list. Sometimes.

Like you came in for some fresh strawberries and you see that blueberries are also on sale and while you don’t need them just yet you know that you will need more soon. I advise you only do this after you’ve gotten everything on your list and you haven’t exceeded your spending limit.

Now I’m not the best person at math so I tend to round up.  Say I grabbed four cans of coconut water for a $1.50. I’ll round that up to two dollars. Yes that means I may make my limit number show up quicker but it prevents me from thinking well I should have so much extra I can afford that. Only to find I spent more than I meant to. If you are better at math you might not need to do that or you might use a calculator. I do sometimes if I know there is something else I want for a treat but if  I already planned that treat then it should be in my budget before I get there.

Just try and remember that Greasy Wolf I talked about. He tends to lurk where you least expect it.

I always go down every aisle in the supermarket. Force of habit and also as I stated before I am bipolar. I also have a form of ADHD and OCD.

Despite having a list I’ll end up spending four hours in the market if I don’t have somewhere to be and I don’t go row by row. Once my list is done and I know I have extra money to use, I may go back to certain items I saw all sale. Like the blueberries I talked about before.

However like I said that Greasy Wolf sometimes finds me. He maybe there with the free samples or that two for one sale on frozen pizzas. Soda is a big weakness of mine, I have a taste for diet soda. Gross to most people but it was the only kind that was kept in the house growing up and so that’s what I drink when I get it. I’m working on cutting the habit. Not doing so well but still an effort is better than no effort at all.

Planning your meals out for a week or two is also a good thing but if you work 40+ hours a week. It’s not always easy to sit down and do that. I try it believe me I do but doesn’t always work that day. Also despite planning a meal I may not crave whatever it is I planned for that day or if I’m not feeling good I have no energy to cook it. I try to pre-make a few things on my days off (despite them being few and far between sometimes). Also giving yourself the choice to make this or that on one day may help.

Example here is I planned one night cooking myself a nice big  pot of pasta with sauce and eating my fill and putting the rest up to take for lunch during the week. However the evening I planned for didn’t work out. I ended up pulling an extra shift for work and just didn’t have the energy to bother lugging everything out. So that’s where meal plan B came into effect. You’ve probally heard of green shakes and homemade health food shakes. Well I like them. It’s easy to dump into the blender and just go. You probally think nope that’s not easy still have to gather everything. Well that’s where the pre planning things come into effect with me.

There are plenty of ideas on shakes and how to preset them up or store them. I normally only end up making five premade bags and keeping them in the freezer. Takes me only a minute to walk over to the fridge get one out of the freezer and dump it into the blender and add either water, coconut water, or almond milk to it and turn it on. Less than five minutes I have my meal ready to go. My blender isn’t one of those fancy ones it’s a simple one and easy to just rinse and clean out after I pour my drink into a cup. So little mess and fuss.

But still those nights are also the night that Greasy Wolf is sitting there telling me about all the yummy foods I’m missing out on. How it takes less effort to get into a car or go through a drive through and have someone else make my food. It’s fast, easy and cheap.

I stated before when I hear him say that I think that’s what he thinks of me.

Sorry Greasy Wolf. This Woman in the Red Hood is not fast, easy or cheap. Take a hike and don’t come back.