#i spent almost the entire summer i was 18 alone on the farm and while i was getting a little weird by the end of it it wasn't nearly so bad

[rival-the-rose]

My partner upon hearing what a hard time I had yesterday has really gone all out... Made me dinner played board games with me, today they've called me on every break and every time they're walking a (low acuity) patient and they just came home to see me on their lunch break. They hate having to leave me to go to work, it's just bad luck this week that there's no one to hang out with me. They've talked about trying to get state leave to take care of me but idk if it'll work since I'm much more able to take care of myself now. Honestly I've been really lucky that I've had two friends who are available to sit on a couch with me Monday thru Wednesdays, it's hard to even call it bad luck that both of them are traveling most of November. But the mental effects of being alone+not being able to do anything are really adding up.

[oftenderweapons]

Mold Me New (1) – Taehyung

A Small Town Swoons story

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Wordcount: 3.2k

Genre: ceramic artist!Taehyung, divorced!reader, Strangers to Lovers, Fluff, Angst, Slice of Life

Rating: 18+ (for future smut and explicit thoughts)

Hello to my readers!!!  Welcome to the Small Town Swoons Universe! 🥰✨

In this episode: Introducing the reader’s backstory, exploring her life as a wife and then as a single woman who is slowly getting to know herself as an individual person.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: There are mild curse words, a bit of a sad vibe regarding falling out of love and getting a divorce, description of several bad dates and good ones that end badly, mention of getting drunk, mention of sex toys, mention of one night stand.

In case you like my writing, here is my directory for idol!AUs, scenarios and imagines, and in case you need it, here’s the Spotify music companion.

I forgot to mention, bc I’m dumb and bc we’re becoming one body with two souls, but this chapter (as most of the decent, edited things I post) was beta read by the magical @joheunsaram​ (she’s recently lost her previous blog and she’s rebuilding it, please go say something nice and YOU SHOULD FOLLOW HER SHE’S A QUEEN ,,,,, my queen 🥺✨)

Enjoy 💜✨

Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7 

When you fall in love with someone, the feeling is like entering a chocolaterie. The scent engulfs you, full and rich and sultry, igniting your senses, the heat making your skin glisten in a light sheen of perspiration, making you exceedingly vulnerable to pointless stuff, like the way your lover exhales. Or their hands skimming your arms.

At least, that was what your best friend had told you.

You had none of that. To you love was a daisy being twirled under your nose, sharing cotton candy, the smell of crisp apples, flannel sheets, the sound of dead leaves crackling under matching footsteps, a sturdy but shiny steel band around your finger suddenly substituted by a golden one.

That had been the beginning of the end. When practicality and simplicity had turned into conventionality and disinterest.

When gifts stopped being things you loved and became things he thought you loved. And then things everyone loved.

When love became a chore, that's when everything crumbled. When kisses became just a good morning and a welcome back, when there were no more laughs echoing in the kitchen, when leaves kept falling but it was your footsteps alone making them crackle, when flannel sheets kept feeling warm but still something was missing — because someone was missing — when suddenly there was no more time for fairs and cotton candy, when daisies became roses, Love stopped making sense. It stopped having a meaning for you.

You were no longer sure of the life you had built with the man of your dreams, the boy you had fallen in love with when you were eight, the guy who had walked with you across the corridors of your high school, who had made you twirl under the lame disco ball of your prom, who had gone through college finals with you, who had spent three summers making your hangout spot into a home, turning the small old shack into a proper place for you to build a new life together. He was your first kiss, your first valentine, your first time. He was the man at the end of the aisle, the man who would walk with you until the last of your days.

But one day he started running and you still walked.

Or maybe you were both running in different directions, no longer on the path to the same destination, your priorities somehow switched.

Of course, it wasn't his fault.

It wasn't yours either.

You had both participated in this small unraveling, and you had both expressed the intention of changing, of finding compromise, an in-between, without either of you actually making the effort of fixing your trajectory, small habits and old pet peeves pulling you even farther apart.

The attempts — multiple ones — were painstakingly embarrassing. There were tears on both sides as you wondered what had caused this sudden rift that separated you — except it wasn't sudden, only your realisation was; the crevasse had been there for way longer. Maybe it had started as a small chipping the very day you met him, and it wasn't until now that you realised how the small sign had turned into an ominous presence, and then into unfathomable, inevitable doom.

And then the divorce.

It had been disgustingly easy, both parties agreeing on the procedures.

You didn't want the house. And you didn't need it. He didn't either.

Selling it had been exceedingly painless, you had shared the money, since he wanted to offer you stability. He already knew you would both suffer and he didn't want you worrying about rent. He was still your friend, after all.

Going back to being alone scared you at the beginning, until you realised that few things were truly bothering you. At least there wasn't this ghost of a human making you doubt all of your plans. You could plan dinner five days ahead or improvise. You could go to the restaurant as a last minute deal. You could go on long walks without the 'I'm sorry baby, emergency' making you rush back to town.

It felt like a bit of a liberation.

And your family's bookshop was doing well enough, since it was situated near the college and it also offered printing service.

Of course there were bad days. Sometimes you woke up searching for a body beside yours, however that feeling had significantly subdued after you had gotten used to the new bed. You missed human contact, being close, intimate with someone, having someone who knows you that deeply.

And then the true nightmare.

Finding someone new.

You were genuinely uninterested in dating. You had given it a go and it had sufficed.

It wasn't your world.

How could it possibly be?

You had never dated. You had basically offered your heart to the person that has always owned it. It's not like you had any experience in that labyrinth that is dating. All those unspoken social norms and the pining and tension. You only knew the comfort of a warm hug, the beauty of a kiss sparking from innocence and affection and slowly turning into steady, warm passion. You didn't like infernos, you liked candles. You liked the domestic hearth. You liked moderation.

And dating was all about extremes, from strangers to 'I'm inspecting your throat' on date one. And then suddenly it's date three and the same guy who brought you to a pizza place and a diner is suddenly going out of his way to bring you to a pretentious, expensive restaurant as a way to propitiate the possibility of you dropping your panties.

You had allowed this foolery only three times. Apparently all the suitable suitors were either really prone to pushing the pedal or had a passion for tongue gastroscopies.

The first one, Albert, had been quite the gentleman on date one. On date two he started making inappropriate jokes with a heavy body shaming undertone — a bit cliché for the stereotypical gym rat. And on date three he had dropped all pretenses at politeness and had outright palmed your ass in public, which made you rightfully uncomfortable. As you pointed that out, he proceeded saying that after all it was your third date and it was time to loosen up a little.

You didn’t even bother staying for dinner, left a bill on the table and left.

No matter the first disappointment, you decided not to let that disrespectful fool slow you down. And since your best friend knew everything about rat headed number one, you allowed her to set you up with one of her colleagues after she reassured you he was nothing like the one before.

Except somehow he was. The first date was at the local pub, and you somehow found yourself getting along well, his jokes were funny and he had good timing, he was relaxed, confident but still a bit clumsy and shy. He could be a good candidate.

But that was before he pushed his tongue to your tonsils as he kissed goodbye.

You gagged.

On date two he admitted you weren’t exactly his type. You were glad to reciprocate the statement after he told you his dream was having four children and a farm, alluding to the fact that his bride needed to be the perfect housewife.

You were pretty adamant that was not the kind of future you wanted for yourself.

Candidate number three was a guy you had met while grocery shopping, and somehow he had impressed you in an absolutely positive way on date one and two. Everything had been perfect, he was kind, considerate and well-mannered. Date three had been innocent, simple, down-to-earth. And then date four. Perfect dinner at his place. He had made you swoon and he had a very pretty cat he was very affectionate with.

He was the first man you had felt desire for in a very long time — almost eight months after your divorce.

The sex had been decent for being a first time.

And then he had entirely disappeared and never texted or called you back, which didn’t sit entirely wrong with you. You wished him all the best but you were actually glad. You liked being you and doing your own thing: having someone too much down your neck, getting in a relationship, having to check in with another person again felt more like a burden than a win.

Maybe it was just a coping mechanism to avoid facing the fact that he had been someone you could have liked, someone you could have built something with.

You were a happy woman, and it’s not like you really felt lacking or incomplete, like some of your single friends felt. And you had no intention of starting a family anytime soon, no matter if your old high school classmates had begun popping out kids left and right. You were more than happy to live the teen and early-twenty years you had spent in a relationship.

You were getting to know yourself in a way most of your friends didn’t have time to — you could already see them going through a midlife crisis after their kids became old enough to navigate life by themselves, which meant no more need for overprotective, and sometimes borderline suffocating, mothers, who suddenly found themselves with too much free time and too little tasks to complete.

Knowing your needs made you a stronger, better woman, and solitude had gifted you a level of introspection and balance that you doubted they could ever reach; maybe that was an arrogant consideration, but you knew there was no way knowing and loving yourself would ever bring you to crying over disrespectful, ungrateful youth whose only fault was that of growing up out of their mothers’ plans.

Unfortunately, there was no way your family — especially your grandmother — could ever tolerate the idea of you not needing a man and a family to be happy.

“Oh, come on, isn’t it time for you to bring a nice fellow back home?”

You shook your head as you and your grandma took a walk along the river, the sunny March afternoon feeling way too nice to stay at home. “Granny. There’s no people like Grandad anymore.”

“Oh, darling. You’re starting with the wrong role model. Not even back in my days we had men like him. He was the exception.” She nodded to herself with a sweet smile, remembering the husband she had lost a few years back.

“It’s so frustrating. And after all that happened… You know how it was. We were together for years. He was the only one I had. I don’t even know how to do these things. And books cannot teach you stuff like that. The more you read, the more you realise that most of these men had never even seen a rom com.”

“Oh, come on, but you have the internet these days! Can’t you find him in there? You have all these phones and computers and everyone has them, there must be a good one in the internet.”

She always said that “in the internet”. Like it was a physical place.

“I don’t even want to look in there, Granny. There are so many dangers in there.” You shuddered as you thought at the funny instagram pages where the people posted screenshots of the worst descriptions. All the embarrassing playboys and the fishermen and the lame wanna-be poets.

“Right… How can you know he is really is a person?” She considered, patting your back proudly. “You’re pretty. And you’ve always had the most perfect bum of all your cousins. Just like mine!” She grinned cockily, giving a playful smack to your ass, making you laugh loudly.

“It won’t last long.” You said, looking down. Solitude scared you sometimes. Being old and alone could be hard on the spirit and you had a feeling that old hag you would curse your dumb arrogance and inconsideration. However, for now you were still somehow making it through. Your divorce was finalised almost ten months ago. You could still consider yourself just fresh out of it.

“You’re smart. And I’m sure you have a lot to offer. You’re a good woman, and you’re far from being too old. There’s never a thing such as too old. Don’t let yourself be fooled. Look at me.” She said. “I’m still living a good life. Herbert has left me but I’m still here. Walking. Cooking. Drizzle keeps me good company.” She smiled sweetly at the mention of her dog, a lovely large poodle elegantly strolling at her side, its light grey fur finely trimmed by your grandmother’s expert hands. She had been a hairdresser for decades: learning how to keep Drizzle’s coat had been a cup of tea for her and he’d kept her distracted from grief after your grandpa passed away.

Her face formed a meditative pout. “Maybe you should just get a dog. Or even better, a cat. You’ve always looked like a cat child to me. So quiet and focused, like you knew some secret that nature would speak to you alone. You were always so attentive as a child!”

You smiled and looked at the path under your feet. Drizzle stayed unbothered as a loud, angry dachshund walked towards him, barking annoyingly. You had never felt sympathy for that small evil breed.

“I think I could get a kitten one of these days. Or a cat, from the shelter.”

“I’m sure you’ll find it in the internet!”

“So we’re really doing the party thing?”

“Listen, baby. It’s gonna be your first party as a free woman. Real mind blowing birthday sex.”

“I’m not a virgin, you know?” You stared at your face in the mirror, spreading some moisturiser over your forehead, inspecting the small lines there. You shrugged and let them be.

Maybe you would spend your best years single and find a sugar baby in ten or twenty years. Wait, weren’t those called toy boys?

Who cares.

Maybe it was time to get the post-grad you had always dreamed of. You would need to check your bank account before making that decision — maybe finally telling yourself yes could be the real birthday gift. That is, beside the huge dildo waiting in your drawer. Not being attracted to men or women didn’t mean you didn’t like sex.

You just found it difficult to imagine being with someone.

“Darling I’d bet an arm and a leg he never gave it to your right. You just need a bit more experience.”

All you needed was a hot bath, some candles and a good book. No man, no one night stand, no birthday sex could possibly make you as happy as decent jazz, wine and a novel.

“Why aren’t we doing that wine tasting at the winery out of town?”

“Because I want you choking on cheap alcohol, having all the fun you didn’t have on your twenty-first birthday because you were planning your own wedding. And I bet you’re the only one who wasn’t fucked in the bathroom of the Wickhead.”

Terry could be incredibly crude, but you loved her nonetheless. You loved her even more for it. She had never hidden anything from you, she had told you even the most embarrassing details of her own life. And she had always been the kindest, most faithful friend: she had driven you way out of town when you were eighteen and your period was late and you needed to buy a pregnancy test without all everyone and their dog knowing; she had chosen your wedding dress for you, spotting it and telling you it was going to be the one before you could even see it. When your marriage had started crumbling, she had spent countless nights with you, keeping you company when your husband was busy with his business trips. Though Terry had insinuated cheating, you knew he would never break your trust like that, and she had decided to trust your better judgement.

You had simply fallen out of love with each other.

And when you had moved into your new apartment, Terry had helped you repaint the walls and build the extra bookcases and install the shelves and fill your wine stand. Before leaving she had grabbed an unfamiliar box from her car, placing it on top of your bed, opening it and spreading out a set of “single necessaire”, as she called it. A couple toys, lube, condoms. To celebrate your re-found sexual promiscuity, she had said, though you objected, it was hard rediscovering something you had never had.

She had shaken her head and left you to “familiarise” yourself with everything.

“You know I’m not exactly a party person, Terry. This will end badly.” You said, sitting on your bed with your back against the headboard, your legs stretched out before you.

“You can allow yourself some fun once in a decade, you know?” You could hear her scoff on the phone.

“But I do have fun. Book. Wine. Bingo!” You explained, rolling your eyes as the booed.

“Come on, do it for me. Do it for your single friend who wants to get drunk and possibly sixty-nine? Please?” The other thing wrong with Terry is that if you ever met her in person, you would face the sweetest five foot three and a half — she insisted on the half — human being you could ever meet, with pretty wavy blonde hair and wide, sweet green eyes, the most boopable button nose and a sprinkle of freckles on her golden skin. She literally glowed in sunlight and her flowy gowns always made her look like a goddess: you could see men fighting for her, dying for her and going to war for just one of her gentle smiles.

“Don’t you have a FWB for that sixty-nine thingie?” You asked with an exceedingly inquisitive tone. It had been a while since she last updated you.

“Dumped him.” She replied curtly.

You tutted before exhaling. Emotionally constipated people — what’s wrong with them?

“He’s dating someone since he was ready for a relationship.” Terry sounded a bit colder than usual.

“And you weren’t?” You asked. You felt your tone hesitate with slight concern. You knew she would just put up a wall and ignore your question.

Fortunately, she didn’t. “I’m not ready to talk about that. It’s complicated, Frog.”

She was hurt and wanted a distraction.

“Okay, Terry. We’re going to get rip roaring drunk this Saturday.”

The line went silent.

“You know I love you right?”

“I love you too, sweetie. Now go to sleep, you have an early shift tomorrow.”

The line went silent after you bid each other goodnight, your body settling underneath the sheets once you realised your eyes were fluttering shut  as you tried to read a few pages to put yourself to sleep.

Placing down the book, you hugged the extra pillow, settling your face in the corner between your sleeping pillow and your spare one, the heavy woolen comforter acting like a weighted blanket. You placed another pillow behind your back, making a soft cocoon all around you.

Yes, sometimes you still missed being hugged to sleep.

The taglist is open!

Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7

[phebia]

Making Family, Prologue

So, I can’t really write for shit but I love to do it. Normally, I just write for myself and don’t publish any of my fics but I figured posting a few couldn’t hurt. I’m almost done watching On My Block (I know I’m late to the party ya’ll) and I’ve had this fic idea bouncing around my head for a while now. If you read it, I hope you enjoy it hehe.

People like to pretend that family is all about blood. The DNA in your core is what decides who your family is, and that's just how it is. Few people know the truth behind that rule. Know that it's a blatant lie. Blood doesn't mean shit. The people I shared my blood line with were far from what family should be. My parents were never physically abusive. A hand never struck me and I never had a bruise courtesy of them. That didn't mean that they were good, though. Words can hit just as hard as fists. Every syllable knocked me to the ground and it got harder to get to my feet each time. Neglect wasn't a word I liked to use, but it was exactly what the lawyer explained it as in court. My parents were mean when they were present but most of the time they were gone. Their presence in my life wasn't strong or positive. I wasn't quite sure how it started. If I had to guess, I'd say that Ruth and Arthur Connelly- the elderly couple next door, finally decided to speak up. They didn't know anything for certain. Not that they had to. It wasn't hard to notice the empty driveway and hear the screaming echoes. It had been a Thursday when she showed up. Caroline Jennings was a fresh-out-of-college social worker. I would eventually learn that I was just her third case. She had blown into my life like a storm, her blonde hair looking more like sunshine. The first thing I noticed about her were her straight teeth, shining as she smiled sweetly at me. I didn't know that taking a few minutes to talk to her would change my life. Dragging an almost 18 year old from a group home to court and back again was harder than Caroline had thought it would be. Her past two cases had been a 5 year old and 2 year old respectively. They hadn't known what was going on. I did. I knew exactly what was happening at every point in time. Caroline had shown up in late April and the judges gavel slammed down for the last time in the end of August. I spent my 18th birthday in a group home full of strangers. Katrina was a kind hearted Latina woman with stern eyes who ran a relatively recent group home all on her own. She didn't ask for help from anyone and she surely didn't need it. I had been there for months but that didn't mean living in a home that wasn't really yours was easy. I wasn't close to the other girls that called the old farm house home. Teenagers were filled with mean comments that would leave a mark if they chose to say them out loud, and they always chose to say them out loud. Apparently mean things were okay as long as it wasn't your parents saying them. I kept out of their way. Minded my own business. Tried to make my plush form as small as possible no matter how fruitless my efforts were, all in an attempt to be ignored. It was funny that after so many years of being alone, I became comfortable in the isolation. In the months it took for the lawyers and social workers in charge of my case to find someone willing to take me in I had legally become an adult, but Caroline had kept my case open as a favour to me. I may have been legal, but it would've been nearly impossible for me to survive on the streets of Waterdown alone. I didn't know much about my extended family and it was impossible to blame anyone for not wanting to take in an 18 year old stranger, but that didn't make the ache of being unwanted any less painful. It was on a late May day that I first heard the name Geny Martinez. Caroline had sat me down and did her best to explain how exactly we were related but all I caught was that it was through my mom's side and she could be referred to as a distant aunt of mine. That also seemed to be the only Caroline understood herself. The tremor of surprise that first hit me when I learned I had family in California looking to take me in lingered for days on end. It still clung to my nerves during the first week of summer when I first met Geny and her husband Ruben. Caroline had told me they were being flown out but it didn't make looking into her brown eyes any easier. Behind her beautiful face there was stress and concern, Ruben on the other hand seemed much more relaxed. Leading them through town was awkward, but sitting down in the local Starbucks and actually having a conversation was much worse. Geny had confessed she didn't know who my mother was or how we were related (a trend that seemed popular) but she was still willing to take me in. I couldn't help but laugh when she had warned me about Freeridge and told me she wouldn't blame if I refused their offer. The thought of living with strangers pulled my stomach into knots of anxiety but it was a much better option than fending for myself on the streets of Waterdown, which I undoubtedly knew I'd have to do soon if the Martinez family didn't work. The next day the couple was gone, but they had taken my phone number with them. I didn't hear from Ruben very often, Geny on the other hand texted me multiple times a day and slowly filled me in on her family and Freeridge. The first time I visited Freeridge was in the early days of June and I visited once more over the summer. My last visit had ended in the early weeks of July and I left feeling decently comfortable with my new... I wasn't sure what to call them, but family seemed to be the easiest word to use. I was set to return in a month, this time for good.

My first introduction to California had been a blast of hot air to the face. A part of me had been hoping that Los Angeles would've cooled down in the time that I was away, but Ruby had drilled the weather patterns of Freeridge into my head and I should've listened to him. He even suggested I get my hands on an entirely new wardrobe if possible. According to the young Latino all of Canada was frigid year round and no clothing suitable for my hometown would be fitting for my new one. I had laughed at the harebrained boy but my tie dye hoodie and black leggings earned me some looks from strangers in the airport and I quickly decided I probably should've listened to him. My slight familiarity of LAX made grabbing my luggage a less anxious process than it was the first time I had done it, despite the fact that I now had a few more bags with me. My life may not have been grand, but I needed more than a single suitcase to move it to a new country. With a small grunt I heaved my final suitcase off of the baggage claim belt, and after a brief scan of my belongings I turned, starting to look around for Geny or Ruben. However, I quickly froze in place when my eyes landed on a small familiar form marching towards me. My sunglasses gave Ruby a green tint but he and his scowl were unmistakable. "Hey..." My hopeful greeting faded off as my distant cousin stopped before me and gave me a judgemental once over, then turned his attention to my luggage without a word. "I told you not to wear your cold weather clothes. No one listens to me!" All I could do was stare as he shook his head to himself and struggled to get a good grip on a couple of my bags. "I knew that you'd mess up. You're lucky I brought these for you." With a large flounce of his arms he had dropped the bags and turned to hold a pair of simple, two strap, white sandals in my face. I quickly snatched the shoes from him with an unimpressed grimace and uncomfortable slouch in my shoulders due to the attention he had gained us. Ruby ignored my displeasure and went back to my belongings with a dramatic roll of his eyes, now muttering to himself in Spanish. "Easy on the Spanish, bro. She's a gringo, remember?" A new voice took my attention off of Ruby and it only took me a second to recognise Mario, who had wandered up to us at some point during his brother's rambling. A relieved smile pulled at my lips at the sight of him. Mario was my age and his laid back demeanour had made him much more approachable than his younger brother, or anyone else in Freeridge really. His mom had coerced him into showing me around Freeridge during my first visit and our time spent together had turned us into surprisingly close companions. He was undeniably my first, and best, friend in town, and he'd be damned if anyone tried to take the title from him. And although his words were true, I couldn't help but scowl at the term while I moved to embrace him. "Teach me Spanish, then." It was a discussion we had often, ever since I had expressed a desire to learn the language after quickly feeling out of place in the Martinez household. Mario had always laughed at that and claimed that I would be a terrible student, whomst he would never waste his precious time on. "I have no time." He shook his head and smiled at me as we both pulled away from the hug. This time though, his words were true. He was headed off to Berkeley tomorrow and although it was a huge accomplishment, a part of me couldn't help but wish he wouldn't go. With Mario gone I'd likely be stuck hanging out with Ruby and his friends. There was nothing wrong with the soon to be freshman's, other than the fact that I was a good four years older than them. But that was something I'd have to get over. Ruby was mature for his age and I was in no position to be selfish. Mario already put off his departure by a full day just so he could take a few hours to help me unpack and, in his words give me, "A real welcoming home." I rolled my eyes at his ever persistent refusal, shaking my head and turning away so that he wouldn't be able to see the smile on my face. "I'll teach you Spanish, Selina." Ruby had joined my side, looking up at me with my black and white backpack slung over his shoulders, seemingly over his earlier fashion fury. "You already have the name for it. Selina." The thick Spanish accent he accentuated my name with and tilt of his head brought a loud burst of laughter out of me. "Ah, so you're over my wardrobe." I placed a hand on his head and gestured at my hoodie, managing to grind my knuckles against his head and mess his hair up before he escaped my reach. "You know what? You can find a new teacher." He sassed, spinning around and marching way without hesitation, leaving me to grab a suitcase and catch up with him, both of us leaving Mario behind to take care of the rest of the bags. In a few long strides I caught up to his short form, wrapping my arm around his neck from behind and pressing my cheek firmly against his temple. "I missed you, Ruby." I smiled softly, tilting my head to press a swift kiss to his forehead, remaining quiet about the goofy smile I spotted forming on his face. Together we walked in silence, the constant noise of the airport drowning out the way my black vans scuffed against the linoleum floors. "Hey, do you think we should help your brother?" My sudden remembrance of Mario caused me to stop and glance back. My brown eyes scanned the crowds around us, the younger boy also turning to look for his brother. Eventually Mario walked into our sights, scowling harshly and dragging more bags behind him than both Ruby and I both had combined. "Nah." Ruby decided, shaking his head and beginning to walk once more, dragging my plush form along with him. "I still can't believe your mom let you two come pick me up, alone." I had been talking about my surprise airport escorts for the majority of the ride back to Freeridge, and I was sure both boys were overly irritated with me. But, knowing Geny meant knowing how protective she was of her children, even if one of them was an adult about to move away. Things just weren't making sense. Ruby had interrupted my constant musing with stories about what had went down while I was gone, but the distraction didn't last nearly as long as he had hoped. After his brother's failed attempt at silencing me, Mario resorted to steadily cranking the radio up until it drowned out my voice. But all that did was give us all a slight headache and I was still talking as we pulled up to the house. "What? Why? I'm responsible." My eyebrows raised at Mario's offended voice crack, choosing to share a silent look with Ruby instead of doing my teasing aloud. Despite my effort, the older Latino caught the exchange and scoffed loudly, practically shoving me out of the car. "Get out of my sight." I lingered, watching him and Ruby move to the trunk, hesitant to leave the brothers to lug all my things inside themselves. "We got this." Mario caught me looking and waved his hands at me, shooing me away from them once more. "Let the muscle handle it, Selina." Ruby nodded at me and flexed his arms, and that was all the encouragement I needed to leave them be. With a grin and shake of my head I shuffled up the walkway, and debated knocking on the door for a moment but Geny had scolded me whenever I did that so I ending up opting to walk in unannounced. "Surprise!" Confetti was popped in my face and a loud gasp burst out of me at the sudden shock. My heart raced in my chest as my shoulders heaved with uneven breath, my eyes wide and looking over the group of people smiling widely at me. I recognised most of them within a second prompting a laugh of relief to spill past my lips, my laughter causing everyone else to cheer once more. "Welcome home, mija." Geny was the first person to move, rushing towards me with her arms open wide and a glowing smile on her face. "Hi, Aunt Geny." I groaned into the hug but forced a grin onto my face, nearly sighing in relief when she released me from her iron grip. She continued to coo over me, her hands holding my face and squishing my cheeks together until Ruben arrived to greet and save me. I watched the couple walk away with soft eyes until the sound of someone tsking reached my ears. Turning my head to the right revealed Ruby's friend Jamal shaking his head at me, his lanky arms crossed over his chest. "A hoodie? Girl, in this weather? You must be crazy." I sighed and looked to the popcorn ceiling, pushing the sleeves of my sweater to my elbows. Maybe I was starting to sweat a bit, but I'd never admit it to any of the California natives who were just waiting for my admission of defeat with baited breath. "Save it. I already got the lecture from, Ruby." I held my hand out to silence him before he could get another word out, a tiny grin warming my features. "I bet you did." He shook his head but a moment later he was smiling back at me. "Welcome to Freeridge, Selina. Permanently this time!" I thanked him sweetly and promised to come back later with my review of his dad's barbecue. I weaved my way through the house, greeting neighbours with varying levels of enthusiasm depending on my familiarity with them. At some point the twins had stolen me away to play with them, but I was sent right back into the fray when Geny walked in on me being forced to help build a block castle. Not long after leaving the youngest Martinez's behind I collapsed onto the couch next to the oldest one. My head lazily rested against the back of the couch, tilting so that I could look at the woman beside me. Her brown eyes were already fixed on me and she reached out to squeeze my cheek, much like her daughter had. The two of us looked at each other in silence for a minute, Abuelita eventually breaking it. "You want a hit? My stuff's in the basement." I laughed at her offer, nodding my head and promising her that we were on for tonight. The silence between us was a welcome break from the surprise party and there was no need to interrupt it. We were both more than content to watch the people milling about, her hand gently resting over my own which was sat in my lap. I had been focused on watching Ruby and Jamal do their best to ditch one of the neighbourhood girls around their age, who was very obviously invading their personal bubble, when I was distracted by the woman to my right once again. "I think you're going to like it here, mija." Abuelita's voice was quiet and soft but it rang out in my head clearly, a reminder that there was no more going back to my old life. "I hope so."

[the-questionmark-kid]

[rant]

I'm moving in the summer, that's a fact. I'm also pretty damn intent on getting a dog before I move. That's a goddamned fact. I have some very important people in my life who are very supportive and understand exactly what this means to me and I'm incredibly grateful to them.

But I don't know if I'm imagining it, or if it's my anxiety filling in the gaps, but it sure does feel like people are looking at me like I'm crazy and irresponsible and impulsive. Which ya know. That sucks, feeling that way. Especially when it seems to come from people who should know better - people who either have ESAs or....know me at all.

I grew up on farmland. Some of my earliest memories are of dogs as big as me, litters of farm kittens, dodging goats, and racing horses through their pastures. Even when my dad refused to have pets (that lasted until a year into his second marriage - stepmom got a lab asap) and my mother lived in apartments that didn't allow dogs, we had cats and birds and hamsters, for a short time I even had an iguana. I spent 18 years, from the day I was born until the day I went to uni, surrounded by animals. And as soon as I stopped being around animals my mental illnesses got substantially worse: days of just sitting in my dorm, wanting to go to class but incapable of walking out the door, wanting to do well but incapable of focusing. Graphically intense suicidal ideation. I dropped out and didn't find out until I got back to my hometown my grandparents had to put their last old, sick dog down. I went with my stepmom a few months later to put her old, sick dog down. Anxiety and depression kept getting worse, I put myself in some very dangerous situations because I didn't care, and eventually actually attempted suicide, once seriously, the next less so if only because I knew it would fail.

There was other stuff going on, sure, but I know myself: I don't care about myself when I don't have to care about, or for, anyone else.

Amazingly, my dad got a puppy and my mental health started *gasp* getting better!? And I started hanging around people that had cats and I started *gasp* wanting to go outside!?

It's almost like I have severe mental illnesses that benefit drastically from the emotional support animals offer.

I don't have a dog or a cat. I share a house with cats who are not mine and one of them I love very, very much, but that does not change the fact that he is not mine and he never will be. Even so, this cat has cut the length of some serious panic attacks into a third of what they normally would have been just by cuddling against me, pawing at me, distracting me from this hell happening in my head. I'm a very in my head kinda guy and most of the time I'm too ashamed or distracted to reach out to another person - thus, the necessity of animals. I'm allergic to cats, so even though they help, dogs help better - without making my eyes itch or irritating my asthma.

I fostered to adopt a kennel puppy earlier this year. Juno. The connection I desperately missed with my other dogs wasn't there, but I was more than willing to work on it. And she kept me out of trouble - I wasn't going out every weekend, I wasn't pursuing things that would be bad for me. It only started going south when her personality started shifting, her separation anxiety became a dangerous concern, and my own long coming surgery was finally scheduled - I wouldn't have been able to take care of her for a month. I found her a new home with my cousin out on our family acreage and she is much, much happier now. But for as long as I had her? Despite not being a good fit? Juno managed to stop me from destroying my own life. And I was staring down....stuff I'd rather not admit to. I'm just generally a miserable person and dogs make me into the person I'd rather be.

I'm getting a car in December so I can move in June, and I'm driving across the entire length of the country to do it. I'm getting a dog in February, April at the latest. Because while I'm not as bad as I used to be, I'm afraid of Me, totally alone. I know myself: I've watched myself, again and again, make stupid, reckless decisions that ended badly for me and destroyed lives I've tried to build. I can't be responsible for me because at my core, I'm still not sure how much I care about me. I just know it's not enough. I try but... I'm sick of drowning in my own misery.

I could limp my way to Washington on my own. I spend a lot of time alone - I could stand a week of completely by myself with no real responsibilities.

But why - why - should I make myself do that when I know I'd be safer, more thoughtful, and most importantly, happier, with a dog?

The people who meet my excitement with silence and react to my hope with pursed lips.... I feel like they don't really know me at all. And if they do, they don't care or they're hypocrites. And I'm angry too, that they seem to doubt what I'm capable of. I don't tend to brag about the hard shit I've done, but fuck man, people know I have not had an easy fucking life. Getting a dog and myself across the country? I've already considered the difficulties of a 6 month old puppy on a roadtrip - and I have found them lacking. I've driven 16 hours by myself with a large active dog and two cats in a single day; one pup with no time limit is nothing compared to what I have already done. Just... Don't tell me what I can't do, right??

I'm getting a dog and at this point I'm fucking daring anyone try and stop me.

[artdjgblog]

​Innerview: Nathan Reusch​ / The Record Machine​​

October 2008

Art: DJG Design

Note: ​Interview ​for a series called "​Where Are They Now?​"​

Over the years we have gotten to work with really great creative people. After doing this for five years we want to give you guys some more insight on who has helped be a part of this label and make it what it is today. First off we have an interview with Danny Gibson of DJG Design. Danny has always been behind the scenes at TRM. He has helped create almost all of our logos and helped us with a lot of art direction and design since the begining. He also designed our very first release for Jame Dean Trio. ​0​1) Introduction I was at the historic first official meeting of The Record Machine held at McCoy’s in West Port of Kansas City, MO over half a decade ago. My say didn’t amount to much. I think my mouth was full as I was mostly positioned to eat free cheeseburgers. ​0​2) How have you been spending your days? My days are spent. Creeping on the Crow’s Feet I find that time is more easily measured in flap jack format than ever before. Something big has always been beaming and beating and I find myself blind peeping to see how far back the dogs with prickly sticks in their mouths yip, kick and nip for my heels. I do beat the crickets up at 5 am Monday thru Saturday in order to pinch a bit back. Evenings and weekends find me down slide sliver squeezes as well. I engage in making things and find some peace through all the pieces with my maker in the act of doing so. The handful of women I share space with enlightenment my walk as well…kitties and wife. Walks are good too and Fall time is the best for comfortable living in Kansas City. ​0​3) Where have you been spending your days or evenings? A bounty of selections from my basement is always on the menu. I’m easily entertained hunched over at my good ol’ door desk. In the mean time I appreciate the company of my wife, kitty hair on my clothes, celebrating all movies, well-tailored music that sometimes requires a third ear and high rise stacks of books and comics. For nourishment I scrape every pan and pot my wife cooks in. And I am the dishwasher. In the twilight occasion, a one scoop waffle cone of peanut butter ice cream at Miami Ice just down the street does me correctly. If I’m in need to see the stars or get away, the family farm isn’t too far off. ​0​4) What has been in your ears? I love big chunks of ear wax. While rockin’ to the thunder that Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band brought at Sprint Center here in KC, I had a big chunk of ear gunk fall out and it was heavenly. I’m really tickled by the musical foundations a fellow basement dweller named Micah Buzan of Blue Springs, MO is cranking out. He is only 18 and one to watch. Other Kansas City area highlights include The Tambourine Club and The ACBs, who both not only crank out some great and fresh music, but are genuinely lovely lads and don’t boast at the art of playing “rock star”. Far out of this area…I’m excited to hear more from Empire of the Sun as the single “Walking on a Dream” is some of the best dance pop I’ve heard since Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” album. Which, I’ve been rattling the rafters with that ’80s gold as well whenever I tire of the Samey So-So’s of most things current. Though, there are a few great new ones and “Evil Urges” by My Morning Jackets is my favorite album so far in 2008. And I can never get enough Bruce Springsteen in my diet. Every day and sometimes every minute of the day calls for a different selection from The Boss’s healthy catalogue. I’m also into the music of Suicide lately. Oh, and I’m quite convinced that Harry Nilsson is one of our finest song craftsmen as a handful of his albums have really been making sense to me and his range is all over the map. ​0​5) What has been inspiring or refreshing to you lately? The work ethic, ideas, passion and output of singer-songwriters Harry Nilsson and Bruce Springsteen gets me going. I finished reading Cormac McCarthy’s “The Road” for the second and one half times and it is gold. I like Michael Chabon’s writing and work ethic a lot too and am spending my second Fall in his books…the same with Flannery O’Connor. In terms of arts and crafts, Saul Steinberg, Henryk Tomaszewski, Eric Carle and Bill Traylor continue to get me to smiling. Oh, and I must hand out an exclamation to fellow maker Ben Chlapek of Neversleeping.com as he is involved with a lot of lovely creations. ​0​6) Earliest Influences that you can think of? Farm Life / Giant Watermelon Patches / Giant Pumpkins / Grandaddy Long Legs / Dead Animals Under Bed / Homemade Stuffed Animals / Taxidermy / Seed Corn Packaging and Farm Implement Logos / Small Town Gas Stations / Uncle Ed’s Horse Drawing Skills / The Seasons / Fireworks / Animals Big and Little / Hunting / Dead Animal Backpack / Grandma Gibson’s Handmade Aesthetics, Checker skills, Sugar Cookies and Salmon Patties / Grandpa Gibson’s Burnt Pancakes and Old Western-Love Story Reading / The Sand Box / Tree Houses and Forts / Popping Asphalt Bubbles in Summertime / Snow Days / Hard Rains / Holidays / Fishing / Camping / Guns and War / Drawing WWII Battles with Dad / Raccoon Wall Paper / Puppets / Anything Jim Henson / Mad Magazine / Mad Balls / Garbage Pail Kids / Dr. Demento / Taping Music Off the Radio / “Live & Let Die” by Paul McCartney & Wings / Mom’s Record Pile / The Beatles / Oldies Music / ‘70s T.V. Theme Tunes / ‘80s Pop Music (Michael Jackson for sure) / Weird Al Yankovic / Ren & Stimpy / Pee-Wee’s Playhouse / Saturday Morning Cartoons / “Gummi Bears” / Comic Books / Tractor Pulls / Big Foot (Creature and Monster Truck) / “Star Wars” / “The Swiss Family Robinson” / “James Bond” / “Indiana Jones” / “Rambo” / “Commando” / “Batman” (Tim Burton) / Going to the Movies / Pizza and Tacos / Soda Pop / Flavored Frozen Pops / Kick Ball / Grandma Dayton’s Spaghetti / Racking Leaves and Riding to the Dump with Grandpa Dayton / Sports (Michael Jordan for sure) / Sports Team Mascots / Sports Stadiums / Collecting Sports Trading Cards / Skyscrapers / Cake and Ice Cream / Late Nights at Best Friend Ean’s Funeral Home House / “…red and yellow, black and white they are precious in his sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world.” / Being Alone / Cutting and Pasting / Falling Off a Slide, Hitting My Head and Blacking Out in Kindergarten ​0​7) Best thing you have seen on a little or big screen in a while? P.T. Anderson’s “Punch-Drunk Love” is my favorite movie and I just took my 8th dip with it. My favorite 2008 movie and the best rockumentary ever so far is “Young @ Heart” and close behind for top of this year is “Be Kind Rewind” and “Son of Rambow”. This Fall and Winter look to boast one of the finest crops of films…I’m highly anticipating “The Road”, “The Wrestler”, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”, “Synecdoche, NY”, “The Changeling” and many others. Other great watches of late (old and new) include “The Tin Drum”, “Hoop Dreams”, “It’s A Wonderful Life”, “The Wicker Man” (1973), “Sorry, Haters”, “The Seven Year Itch”, “The Cars That Ate Paris”, “Don’t Look Now”, “Dark Days”, “Rat Catcher”, “The King of Kong”, “Alice”, “Dear Wendy” and “The Band’s Visit”. On the small screen, “Planet Earth” is mind-blowing worship that demands for me to invest in a projector for the future. In T.V. Land this summer I discovered and fell in love with “Beauty & The Geek”. I’m excited for the cool new sci-fi show with cool typography called “Fringe” and another season with the excellent “How I Met Your Mother”. Currently I’m backtracking through the entire series of “Sex & The City” and am absolutely loving it and can’t wait to get the movie! Oh, and the live Broadway production of “The Drowsy Chaperone” is gold genius and made me cry. ​0​8) Last best show you have been to? Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band in Kansas City on August 24, 2008. It is the best show I’ve ever seen, even better than two previous Boss concerts. Sprint Center is now officially called Spring Center. I can’t wait for the Super Bowl half-time… ​0​9) Any links to things you want to pass along? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYwhvD2-fYw 10) The Final Word? (one word only please) GRILLEDCHEESETOMATOSOUP -djg

[thebigsur-render]

166

We’re taking a look back at 2019, at the whole decade actually.

I started this decade as a child and end it as an adult. This is the peak of my becoming and has brought me the highest points and also the lowest points. I was 13 that year. I was in seventh grade when I was grasping for identity and sense of worth. It was a blossoming of maturity. It was the year I got my first period and had my first “boyfriend”. I probably held hands with a boy that year and met some new people that I still call my closest friends. I was in plays where I was Queen Elizabeth, I worked on a farm on a field trip, I wished for a cell phone that year. Life was simple. 

The years went on, we lost our house in foreclosure and moved to a new house. I started high school and eventually quit volleyball. I gained some amazing friends. I almost failed geometry. I had my first real boyfriend - Mario. Then I met Kai who gave me two years of consistent love. I had to give away my rabbit and I thought I would die of a broken heart over it.

Then Pansy died months before leaving for college. I stopped eating, I started fighting with mom and dad. I did questionable things that I definitely shouldn’t have - things I don’t even want to think about or remind myself of. I dove into the most hard hitting depression. I couldn’t cry. I had hardened myself so firmly because I was so mad at the world and mad at everyone who just kept on living while I was sat by myself having to face adulthood alone without the one thing that I clung to as unwavering support and unconditional love. My world shattered into a million pieces right before my very eyes and there was no way to stop it from happening. There was no way to tap out or to go back. It was the most painful lesson in how life really works. A part of me died and has never come back. 

Out of every heartbreak I have ever had in my life, Pansy screaming in my ear and turning blue will always be the worst heartbreak of them all. It’s gut wrenching and miserable to think about and I would have rather taken her place. It took me a long time to be ok without her and pretty much ruined my final months before leaving for college. I was desperate to leave, to be rid of any reminders. I wanted a clean slate free from grief and emotional struggle. And thats exactly what I got.

It wasn’t easy by any means. It came with a lot of adjustment time. Now here we are. I am no longer the 13 year old girl who wanted a cellphone. I am not even the girl who ran away at 18 after a meltdown with my parents. I am 22 and I have a house and a car payment. I have amazing friends who I work with and I l have been lost in Rome by myself. I have eaten the best foods in Romania, I have danced in Switzerland, I have seen opera in Austria. I trekked around Europe by myself for four months. I learned an entirely different language. I am best friends with my parents and I have plans to move to London once I graduate with a bachelors degree in Art History. I work at a museum with people I adore. I have friends all over the world. I want to always remember the sweet summer months where we took off for the river and brought our wine mugs in tow. 

I had the honor of taking care of a dear friends in her most intimate moments of death. We took care of her in the lowest point of her cancer and I think of her everyday still. I see her in everything and think about the time we spent together, just talking, enjoying the sun and listening to how the breeze sounded dancing through the leaves in the trees and the wind chimes. I was always ready for a good nap on the grass in the backyard. Leslie was good to us. She healed us just as much as we tried to heal her. Her passion for life and connection brought me Sarah and Aine. A bond that can never be broken. When Leslie finally left us, it was another earth shattering moment. Not quite like the first, but just as hollow feeling as ever. The world went quiet in this moment and life did stop for a short time, but not in the way I would have liked it to. 

I leave behind a legacy of pure and unfiltered impulsion. I live off of being able to take off towards the Columbia River Gorge or the Pacific Ocean at a moments notice. I reward myself for doing well and forgive myself for my mistakes. I take the time to be by myself and relax in the fact that I am capable of supporting myself on my own. I reach for the stars whenever possible and I admire myself for that. I want to say this is my forever. 

I know that nothing stays the same forever. By the end of this decade, I will be 32. I will be living somewhere completely different. I will have different triumphs and different troubles. I will look back on the year 2020 like it was the simplest time. 

[dailyaudiobible]

05/29/2018 DAB Transcript

2 Samuel 14:1-15:21, John 18:1-24, Psalms 119:97-112, Proverbs 16:8-9

Today is the 29th day of…I almost said April…May. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian. It's great to be here with you today. Hopefully my brain is engaged. A little sip of Wind Farm and we’ll see how this goes. Let’s dive in and we’re reading from the Common English Bible this week. And in the Old Testament we’re reading from the book of Second Samuel. Today we'll read chapter 14 and 15. And we’re moving through this pretty sordid story of David's family after he had this affair with Bathsheba. And we’re kind of following the story of David's son Absalom and his relationship with his father.

Commentary:

Okay. So, just to recap where we are, the drama continues in David's family, which was foretold to David by the prophet Nathan after David's affair with Bathsheba. So, we went to that entire, pretty terrible story of how David and Bathsheba got together and an affair that ultimately got her husband, who was one of David's most loyal warriors killed. So, David took Bathsheba to be his wife and they lost the baby from their affair but had another child named Solomon. And we’ll certainly get to know him. But David has definitely lost some respect inside his family. His daughter Tamar was raped by her brother. Another brother, Absalom, killed Amnon, the brother who did the crime. Absalom was then banished but he's been brought back to Jerusalem. He hasn't really had access to his father that much. And he's begun undermining his father's kingdom over the course of a couple of years. And now here we are. Absalom is about to declare himself the king in Hebron, which is where David was first made king of Judah before becoming king of all of Israel. So, we have, basically, a coo on our hands. And we left the reading today with David back on the run, a place that he knows well. He spent a lot of time on the run from King Saul. And now he's on the run from his own son. And all of this started with adultery and has spun out of control.

Then of course, in the book of John, Jesus has now been arrested. So, we find ourselves for the last time this year in the last hours of Jesus life. And I've been recommending and continue to recommend that we immerse ourselves, truly meditate on this story. We won’t be coming this way again this year. And truly centering ourselves in this story is not only important for us, this is the story of our salvation after all, it's also a story that gives us context for everything that is going to happen next as we move forward in the New Testament.

Prayer:

Father, once again, we thank You for Your word and we pray and agree with the psalmist Your word is a lamp before our feet and the light for our journey, which is why we come around the campfire every day, which is why we come together in community every day to allow Your word to wash over us and into our lives and Spirits. And, so, we pray, Holy Spirit, come. Well up within us. Lead us into all truth, which is the promise given. Lead us deeper into intimacy with Jesus today. We pray in His name. Amen.

Announcements:

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Check out the Prayer Wall. Check out how to connect with each other and us on social media. Check out the Daily Audio Bible shop while you're there. Find resources for this journey that we are on as we move through the Bible.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that dailyaudiobible.com. There is a link on the homepage. Thank you for those of you with clicked that link. If you're using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi Gloria. This is his Little Sharee in Canada and I just heard your message on the community prayer podcast. And I’m so sorry that nothing has changed with your mom’s situation, that she’s still there in Nevada, so far from you. And I just was so moved by the way you described how you feel about her. And I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to continue to pray for you and for her and for your brother and the whole situation. And if I were your mom, there would be something that I would want someone to tell you. If I were your mom I would say, sweetheart, I’m going to be okay. Thank you for choosing to love me so much that you carry the ache of that love inside of you. I want you to be okay. I love you that much and I’m being taken care of by our heavenly Father and I want you to know that you are being taken care of as well. Thanks for loving me some well. And the Gloria I want you to know that your mom does love you dearly and she is going to be okay. Thank you. Thank you for just giving us a glimpse of the Father’s heart. This is how he aches for each one of us. This is how much he wants to be close to us to be able to take care of us. You reminded me of that today and I want to thank you for that. Gloria, I don’t know you but I love you. I love your mom and I’ll be praying for you. God bless you today. Bye for now.

Family, this is Viola from Maryland. I hope you’re all doing well. Brian and Jill God bless you. It’s so good to be back. I am done with my Master’s program and I excelled. Thank you for praying for me. Family, I want to encourage you as were going into the summer months. I know that Brian always talks about the summer months. This is where it’s a little bit lean in the ministry. I want to encourage you to give to this ministry. This is good for us to sow in. And I pray that God will put the __ on __ even to be able to give the Daily Audio Bible ministry. God bless you. Vicki from Arizona, I am so sorry for your loss. I prayed for Boyd. I prayed, I prayed, I prayed. And our God is the God of the prodigal’s. I am trusting God __ that Boyd is in the hands of the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. And God bless you my sister as you grieve. I pray restoration for you. I pray for strength for you in the name of Jesus. I pray for peace and calm of heart for you in Jesus name. My brother from Cincinnati who is trusting God to work with children, orphans, the fatherless, the abandoned, that is a good ministry. I pray that God will give you direction, God will open doors for you, that God will make it happen, and that he will surprise you, that he will put finances in your hands so that this can work for you in the name of Jesus. Cherry, my sister. You know, the word of God says that when the enemy comes against us in one way he will flee before us in several ways. And concerning your job. You know, those people are not the ones doing this. It is the enemy that is using them. And so, I just want to pray for you my sister for peace in the middle of the storm. I mean there is no testimony without trial. And so, you know, I just want to pray that God will use you as a shining light even in that place, that nothing will touch you, that God will protect you, every unjust situation will be made right in the name of Jesus. And so, Father the Lord oh God I just pray for strength for you, for your daughter in Jesus name. Shout out Alfi, brother thank you for praying for me and every other person here, the Daily Audio, our new…

Hello family. It’s Drew from the bay area listening, calling in for Julian. Julian __. I want you to know that I’m lifting you up and am praying for you sister. Heavenly father, I ask you, you are holy and hallowed. Hallowed is your name, which means holier than anything. Holy, holy, holy God you know what I mean. We need to pray for Julian, you would just lift her up, you would lift her family up and her finances up, everything else Lord, that you would use everything that she’s doing for good and that she would be a shining light. Lord, that all the glory would be given to you and that others would see be pointed to you Lord God, that you would draw them to you and you would reach out and draw those around her and her family. We pray and ask these things in Jesus name. And then a shout out to Cherry pie, Cherry Chase. Sister, forget the whole skin color thing. It’s not about skin. Look at things the way God looks at things. And He separates the sheep from the goats. It’s good and evil. And we must fight against evil with good things that we do. Pray up, praise God, and He’ll show you how to do the right thing. And loving your enemies will keep coals of kindness on their hand and will draw them to God and push them away from you and they’ll see that and leave you alone. Yeah, we’re praying for you Cherry. James, James from UK and James from LA, we’re praying for you. All right.

Hey fellow DABbers. This is the Redeemed Prodigal and I think if there is one thing that God would say that would surprise us it’s that I am not ashamed of you and I’m not afraid of you. I want your heart. You think I’m out to change you to ruin you to, in many ways, judge you. All the judgment has already been taken care of. All of your sins have already been taken care of and what I want is for you to know my delight for you even in your brokenness. I just think that it’s really important to remember that God’s grace has no end. So, I just felt like my heart has been pulled and led by God to share that with you today. So, if you needed that or if that helped you I’m glad God used me in a way to give encouragement. I guess that’s it. Have a good day.