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bakugohoex · 4 years ago

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congrats on 1k!! may i request angst #10 with levi ackerman? <3

“goodbye my love”

pairing: levi ackerman x gender neutral reader

cw: angst, blood, kissing, death, flashbacks in italics

word count: 1700+

a/n: i feel sad now and i have to write some nsfw next whoops hehe, but hope you guys like this and enjoy the angst i guess

playlist: please check out these songs from @marchsbakery dying in levi’s arms, here’s the spotify link as well, i had no idea she was making it but it coincided with me posting this so of course i had to add the playlist.

summary: in which in your final moments, you relive all your memories with levi until saying your last words to your love

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The sound of your screams and the tears that flooded from your eyes was the last thing Levi saw when a titan had collided right into you. It had been quick, carefully thought out even, the way the horse was flung to the side and you almost looked ethereal in the sky. But it wasn’t some scene in a play where you would look magnificent, your blood curdling scream was what made everybody turn to look at you.

Turn and see a superior flung to the side, with blood seeping through your clothes. Your stomach churning at the impact, ready to be eaten. Levi saw it all, quickly slashing the neck of a titan before running to the titan, it gripped your body as your legs kicked and your mouth screamed. Tears mixed with blood dampened your skin, this was it for you. This was what everything had come down to, the titans mouth opened wide, you could almost see the other humans in its stomach. You closed your eyes ready for the tear of your legs, but it never came.

Instead the crushing of your bones, the excruciating pain you went through as the titan may have been slashed by Levi, may have begun toppling to the ground. But in its last-ditch attempt to kill you, it squeezed your body, bones crushing and moving out of place, blood trickling down your mouth. If it couldn’t have you neither could Levi.

“Y/n, you…” Levi was about to ask about your condition, but the way you were sprayed onto the palm of the titan, blood coughing from your mouth, bruises forming and pain searing through you. He knew something was wrong, you both were so close to having killed the titans, there had only been a couple left. You could survive this, get the treatment you needed, but as he ran up to you, grabbing your body he could almost feel your pain.

“L…Levi.” You coughed out more blood, he hated seeing you like this, in his arms vulnerable, he was vulnerable. What could he do, other than hold his love.

He shifted your body from the titans palm, you both in a safe area away from the others. “You’re going to be fine.” There wasn’t a question about it, you’d survive, you’d be fit and ready to go on the next expedition, he didn’t care.

“I’m d…dying.” You could barely form words, but if this was your last moments you were glad it was with your love rather than inside a Titans gullet.

Levi watched as tears fell down your numb body, he took a deep breath, he knew it was hard for him to express emotions. Express himself to you, but he looked up in the sky, suppressing any forming tears that could come out, he wanted to be strong for you. “No, yo…you won’t.”

“Tell me our story.” You were going in and out of your own mind, you didn’t want to fight over your death, you wanted to hear your story. The story of Y/n and Levi and how they were supposed to rule the world, fight titans and finally gain the peace that they deserved.

He saw how you shut your eyes just wanting to hear any story, there was no time to help you. He had to give you your last wish, explain your story if it was the last thing he did. “Okay.” He held you in his arms, kissing your forehead with warmth. “We met a couple months after you joined the scouts, you were so confident, remember…

“Is this the famous Captain Levi, I’ve heard so much about.” Levi eyes you up and down at how easily you made yourself at home with him, he raised an eyebrow as he folded his arm.

You stared at the man a smirk as you tilted your head waiting for a reply, “if you’re going to act like you don’t know who I am, then I have no business with you.” He was ready to walk away but you grabbed his arm, making him stop in his tracks. “What brat?”

“So rude, you’re the one who asked for me to join your squad.” Levi was the one to be confused as he looked at you with a puzzled look, “you asked for the girl who got first in the scouts, that’s me.”

“You?” He looked at you with no emotion.

“Don’t need to be so mean, I’m really am quite good.” You spoke highly of yourself, Levi hated those who had no actual experience to back them up.

He tapped his food in thought before replying, “we’ll see, get ready, you’ll be right next to me.”

“Gosh not even an apology.” He glared as you shrugged leaving him to tut in disgust, he’d have to sort that attitude out for sure. You had thought that joining a squad so easily and especially Levi’s squad would be an honour. But after his words it felt more like a low blow at how he didn’t recognise your talent, he looked down at you and you already had a will to prove him wrong.

“…God, you really hated me back then didn’t you.” Levi looked down at your nimble self, blood spewing down your mouth. You nodded trying to put out a laugh but could barely even lift your eyelids back up.

“Te…Tell me more.” Your words were short and breathless, he saw tears continue to trickle down, he didn’t know how long you had left, he witnessed more titans collide to the ground. Even if he had brought you back to the scouts, they couldn’t do anything until all the titans were defeated. You’d be another corpse on the long list, he’d give you these minutes, these moments to die without having a line in your name.

“You pestered me afterwards, on the expedition you showed off all those tricks and killed so many titans, but I never told, but I admired it my love, admired the way you did everything for humanity you didn’t fear death, I fell in love with you because you weren’t selfish like the others…

Levi had asked for you to come by his office after coming back from town, it had been a couple months since the expedition, and you had grown fond of the boy. He may have given you snide remarks, but the small upwards twitch of his mouth proved that he didn’t hate you as much as he let on. You knocked on the wooden door as you heard a come in, easily slipping between the cracks.

You couldn’t lie and say you hadn’t become infatuated with the man either, the way he killed titans and swung through the air always felt like your own private show. Even now here, with his watchful eyes at your movement towards his desk, he gave no emotion, but his eyes spoke differently, inviting you in almost. “What can I do for you, Captain?”

“Sit down.” He was stern with his words which you easily followed as you crossed your legs staring at him. “You’ve been working with Mike a lot lately.”

It wasn’t something you had expected, and you almost laughed at his accusations, “what about it?”

“I prefer my squad to work together rather than separately.” His sentence was filled with mystery as if he wanted to say more.

You felt confident in what you believed him to be saying, it had been Hanje who planted the idea that Levi preferred you more than he did other humans. But preferred was a stretch of the word that you had thought of, could he possibly like you, the way you liked him. “Captain, this isn’t about working together is it, are you jealous?”

“No.” He was blunt about it but refused to meet your gaze, you stood up moving closer to his seat, you leaned against his desk, eyes on his form as he looked at the papers in front. Rather than the side where your watchful eyes were.

“You don’t need to lie to me Levi, but if you really don’t, I was just about to go spend some time with Mik…” Levi grabbed your wrists stopping your words, he finally looked up at you. He moved his chair to be in front of you, his body between your legs, before grabbing your jaw.

“You leave this room and I’ll make you regret it.” Your chest felt heavy as you leant down to meet his mouth, his mouth feeling warm against your own as you both moved in sync with one another.

“…I fell in for you from that moment Y/n.” He looked back down at you, your body feeling heavy on his thighs.

You looked up at him, finally being able to open your eyes as you looked at him wanting to speak and tell him how much you loved him. “I…I…” You began coughing again, worry radiating off of Levi, “you told me…on our first date that we’d be toge…together forever.”

“We will.” Levi lied to make himself feel better, to make himself believe that this was all a dream. He had lost too many people, his mother, his friends and comrades he couldn’t, he couldn’t lose his one love. The one person he had sworn to protect, to save from this disgusting world.

“For…forever wasn’t long enough...” You whispered feeling empty inside, tears soared out as you looked through the dampness right up at Levi. He looked down and for the first time you witnessed the tears, how he tried to hide them with an emotionless face. But they were there.

He brought his head down to meet your own, forehead resting against your own, “we’ll get our happiness next time…I promise my love.”

You felt his tears fall onto your own skin, feeling your body begin to shut down, your eyes feeling heavy as Levi bent down to your lips to give you one last kiss. To give himself one last kiss, you were always going to be it for him, nobody would ever replace you.

And as he finally parted from your damp lips he heard the last words, he had never wanted to hear, never wanted to imagine coming from your lips. Your arm falling to the grass, body heavy and eyes shut as you whispered the words that brought about the end, “goodbye my love.”

Tears pricked down Levi’s face; he hadn’t expected it from himself. He thought he could stay emotionless but as he held your corpse in his arms, bringing you closer to his body, he remembered every second he had spent with you, loving you and how he was never going to get that ever again.

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

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@samusimp @alaina-rose13 @crispychannie @underratedmage @jennammaee @cathy8taffy @sugacious @moonlightaangel @kat-sukis-hoe @effmigentlywithachainsaw @swankiifiied @maat-the-prescriptive @missmultifangirl @tvwhoresblog @kuroos-world @levisfilm @katsuhera @answer-the-sirens @animexholic @wapbenders @the-shota-king-masayuki @bakugousmrs @crystal-lilac @dai-tsukki-desu @fandomsinthegalaxies @crimsonbows-and-arrows @admin-in-residence @otterlockholmes @gabrann @zlatanakermann @c0urtn3y @bakuhoesworld

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kaypeace21 · 6 years ago

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Will created the Mindflayer (Theory revisited)

After, watching all 3 seasons I believe the upside down/mindflayer is not only an allegory for Will and El’s (cannon) ptsd/ and trauma but also (because of their powers), has become a physical manifestation (with a life of it’s own). I previously talked about how El made the upside down/demorgorgans and how Will created the mindflayer and demodogs (before s3). However I wanted to add more details to this analysis and focus on how the Mindflayer represented Will’s darker emotions and thoughts in s3 . So let’s get started.

The original title for Stranger things was “Montauk”- in reference to the Montauk Project. It was about experiments conducted on psychic children, where the scientists would “break” them psychologically to strengthen their powers and to program them. In one of the stories there was a boy named Duncan who could “open portals to other dimensions and periods of time” . However, one day “Duncan let loose a monster from his subconscious.”

This is where Stranger Things comes in... El, opened the portal and created the demorgorgans, which represented El’s fears. Joyce and Nancy called the demorgorgan a “man without a face”, or as El called them repeatedly “the bad men.” The bad men kill (using guns), while the demorgans are attracted to blood. However, the one time they went after someone who wasn’t bleeding- was when it chased after Will, another psychic child. Brenner even says about the demorgorgan “it’s calling to you for a reason”. And right before El goes to the sensory deprivation tank, Brenner gives her flowers (resembling the opened face of the demorgorgan which resembles a flower). In the Stranger things novel, Suspicious Minds, a psychic character named Alice, even says “ “Monsters...of course my brain has them.” As long as they stayed in there, everything would be all right. “Wouldn’t it?”

The upside down/ opening of the gate/demorgorgan is even described as something that grows and spreads, “like a cancer”. And something that will eventually kill her, if not confronted (and analogy to suicidal thoughts?)

In s1 Dusting even asks, Eleven “Do you have cancer?” In a literal sense no, but the buzzcut ( which makes people assume she has cancer) represents the abuse she’s been through. And if she doesn’t confront her trauma it will slowly eat away at her until it kills her . Or the physical manifestation of it will.

The name El is the name of a Canaanite God, which means “god of creation.” When El said in s1 “I’m the monster”, only for Mike to correct her and disagree. In a way they’re both right, it’s not her who is in control. But the monsters (who has a life of its own) represents her darker emotions and fears and is affected by her feelings- and this is why they were mirrored to each other visually.

So the fact that the Mindflayer shows up for the first time when Will is experiencing his “anniversary effect” relating to his ptsd, may not be a coincidence. Don’t you find it strange when Will’s dog died between s1-2, the demorgorgans become demo-dogs? And once again, the vines ( put inside Will in s1) and the shadow monster/Mindflayer - are also described as spreading, and we are told that it will kill Will. Will even says “ the more he spreads the more connected to him I feel.” And if I’m right about Will becoming number 12, it’s interesting to point out that 12 is a numeral symbol for “God of creation”, as well.

The other Drs/scientists are extremely callous and say they need to continue the burn (even if it kills Will). However, Dr Owens even says after this “You’re putting a bandaid on this.” Meaning they aren’t addressing the real problem- Will & El’s trauma.

And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if I’m right- this also implies Will was m***sted as a kid (probably by Lonnie), who always called him homophobic slurs. The demorogorgan represented ‘Brenner/ the bad-men’ to El. And the Mindflayer initially represented Lonnie, to Will . Will is even the first to call the Mindflayer a “he”, instead of an it- even though in d&d cannon Mindflayers are “sexless hermaphodites”.

Also,Will doesn’t initially call the Mindflayer a “he” but an “it”.And if you only take out certain pieces of dialogue between Joyce and Will, when they first talk about the mind flayer, where they only refer to it as an ‘it’ … and if you put [‘he/him’] pronouns there instead… then the rest of the discussion about the mind flayer literally sounds… questionable.

Will: “It all just went blank and then you were there”

Joyce: “Will I need you to tell me the truth.”

Will: “I am!”

Joyce: “But … But I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on. So you have to talk to me. Please. No more secrets, okay? Okay.”

Will: “ [*It] came for me and … and I tried… I tried to make [*it] go away … but [*it] got me mom”. (*he, * him,* he)

Joyce: What does that mean?”

Will: “I felt [*it] everywhere. everywhere. I- I still feel [*it]. I just want this to be over!” (*him, *him)

Joyce: “LOOK AT ME! I Will never let anything bad happen to you ever again!”

And I’m not sure how seriously I should take the cannon spotify playlists. But, the cannon spotify character playlists (which netflix and spotify worked on and published together after s2) alluded to this on both Jonathan and Will’s playlists. And the only songs about their dads hint at this fact.

Jonathan’s Playlist- We’re happy family: “Eating refried beans (poverty). Gulpin’ down Thorazines (pills for a mood disorder). We ain’t got no friends (s2 ref). Our troubles never end. Daddy likes men. Daddy’s telling lies.”

Enter sandman: “Don’t forget my son. Sleep with one eye open. Gripping your pillow tight, Exit light, Enter night. Take my hand, we’re off to never-never land. Something’s wrong, shut the light, heavy thoughts tonight. Dreams of liars and of things that will bite, yeah. Hush little baby don’t say a word, and never mind that noise you heard. It’s just the beasts under your bed, in your closet in your head.”

Will’s playlist- Creature comfort: “Some boys hate themselves spend their lives resenting their fathers…Some boys get too much, too much love, too much touch... look in the mirror and wait for the feedback”

And if the vines and the shadow monster represent his dad the fact it enters violently through his mouth, and the way he describes the Mf first possessing him further reinforces this analogy. Especially since Billy/MF lays on top of his victims, and right before the monster puts a similar thing in their mouths says (To Heather) “Don’t be afraid. It’ll all be over soon. Just stay very still”, and (to El) “Don’t be afraid . It’ll all be over soon. Just try and stay... very still.” (May indicate Will might have have heard his dad say this to him, and thats why the Mf says it to his victims.)

The entry of the vine, even causes him to spit out a slug, as he looks back in the mirror (like in the song lyric).

The experience of the vine/slug probably brought back traumatic memories, not to mention his time in the upside down invented new ones. The mindflayer first appears during Will’s ptsd “anniversary effect”. And in s2 when Joyce asked about the mindflayer drawing, Will lies saying it’s for a story he’s writing . But maybe, unbeknownst to him... it wasn’t actually a lie ? The 1st time Will senses the Mf again in s3, is when he’s watching a movie about zombies (on a ‘date’ with Mike). And in s3, the monster the Mf creates is based “the thing” ( by merging zombies bodies together)... and we see Will writing the d&d story right next to this ‘The Thing’ poster. The light at it’s head, indicating this whole story may be Will’s idea all along.

So ‘the thing’, the zombies, defeating it with fire were all referenced to Will- and later showed to unfold in the Mf’s story. And even though d&d always foreshadows later events in the season, I find it interesting that the one time in the series we see Will write the d&d story... is when it matches MF’s plans. The shadow monster stayed in the real world, after the gate closed (and didn’t do anything for 6 months)? And specifically choses to attack/possess a guy named William who also was abused by his dad and called homophobic slurs (internalized hate perhaps)? And don’t you find it strange that the shadow monster only decides to come out now, in the summer (despite it not liking hot temperatures) when Will is at his lowest point emotionally? Well, it’s because the MF is based on Will’s darker emotions and thoughts.

S3 was the season that Will was feeling jealous over mileven, and probably coming more to terms with his sexuality - and this is when the mindflayer/shadow monster decides to strike. Whenever the Mf is close and Will touches his neck relates to his romantic feelings for Mike. 1st time it’s on one of their ‘movie dates’, 2nd time when Mike and El walk off together down the hill, 3rd time right after he smashed castle byers after Mike says “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls”, 4th time when Mike asks him to go away so he can talk to El in the hospital waiting area, and 5th time when Mike says El loves El.

And again it’s when Will smashes castle Byers that Will first says “He’s back”. Castle byers was built on a rainy night , the same day Will’s dad left, when Will was 5 (the same age he met Mike). And lonnie called him a “queer” and a “f*g” and forced him to do “normal things�� like baseball to have him “be more of a man”. And then on a rainy night, after Mike says “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls”… what does Will destroy castle byers with? A bat.

Will drew up castle byers before creating it in the real world. And the fact Will has a baseball bat (despite not liking baseball) in Castle Byers, surrounded by things he loves: drawings, d&d, art supplies, a microscope, comics- just shows what an impact Lonnie’s problematic conditioning and abandonment had on him. He used a baseball bat to destroy something he loves -castle Byers, and symbolically he was trying to reject his feelings for Mike using Lonnie’s old tactics of fixing him. So regardless of what Lonnie did or didn’t do, the correlation between the MF and Lonnie is there. He smashes up castle Byers with a bat (thinking of Lonnie) and then he feels “more connected to him (the Mf)” again, and says ‘he (the Mf) is back’.

The reason we didn’t get Willel, was for a narrative reason. We are shown that Max and El don’t know each other. It’s implied that El almost never leaves the house and just spends her time kissing Mike. So Will never got to have the opportunity to get to know her either. And for Will his resentment of El isn’t simply based on the fact he loves Mike. He insults El calling her a “stupid-girl” just like how Robin said she hated Steve and his “stupid-hair” because the girl she liked , liked him- and of course a lot of that redirected hate isn’t mere jealousy, but projected internalized homophobia. I don’t think a straight person could ever really understand how much hate queer people initially have for themselves when initially figuring things out- so his redirected anger is more than simple jealousy, but just hate for himself. He even looks at a picture of Mike after this and says “so stupid”, 4 times , while at castle Byers.

But honestly, that’s nothing compared to the hate he has/ how he blames her for ruining his life! El might have saved him twice (and it might of been an accident/ dr Brenner who’s really to blame). But Will knows she opened the gate . So to him, he spent a week in a place with no sunlight, food, or breathable air , having to experience that vine, dying, getting ptsd, being ostracized by everyone at school and being called “zombie boy” and a “freak”- being possessed by the MF, getting burned alive, killing Bob (the closest thing to a real father figure) and all those men (making him a murderer), and strangling his mom.Because of her!

And then that’s when s3 starts to make a lot more sense. Will might not want anything bad to actually happen to El but he’s probably had these dark thoughts before. Will even says about the MF.

He says the real Mf is still in the upside down, but ‘the part that was still in him... was still in their world.’ And it flashes to El’s face as he says it. Essentially the Mf is motivated by his fictionalized story, thoughts/memories of Lonnie, and any dark intrusive thought Will has ever had about El , much to Will’s horror.

He said in s3 that “I’m not worried about me, mom. I’m worried about you.” So the fact that he strangled her and almost killed her in s2, probably haunts him to this day- and he might of thought, ‘wish I strangled her instead’. And who does Billy/Mf look at right before grabbing her throat, and who is the first reaction shot we see when he starts choking her - Will’s horrified expression!

Maybe the Mf thought El was the most important, and that Will was nothing ( despite all the foreshadowing indicating the Mf held special intentions for Will), because he feels like he’s nothing compared to El? Will even says in s2 it wanted to kill everyone, but him, but now it’s saying that to El only? Maybe because Will wanted her to experience having such an entity say it to her too, and experience the same fear and isolation it caused him? In s2, why did the Mf chase Will and possess him at the school, when El (at the same time) was at the school as well (if it was always after her)? It’s because the Mf’s motivations are linked to Will’s feelings/emotions.

He probably also thought, how would you like a slug crawling/invading your body, huh?And although it doesn’t go to her mouth (probably because he could never wish that on anyone- if it symbolizes what I think it does). She still has a similar experience. And everyone is worried/horrified but Will is the only one sobbing (probably because he thought of this happening to her before).

After this he doesn’t even help move the car, he just stays glued at El’s side as if trying to protect her. And interestingly, this is when El loses her powers. Will may have even thought. If she never had her powers, none of this would have ever happened! Or ‘you guys wouldn’t think she’s so great without her powers.” So did Will accidentally steal her powers?!!!! Maybe. Will has always been associated with bears (along with 3 other animal symbols that El also has). We see a zoom in shot of Will’s bear drawing right before the demorgorgan takes him from the upside down version of castle byers in s1. Bears symbolically represent “wisdom” like ‘Will the wise’ and were associated with the demorgorgan/upside down in s1 and 2 as well . Max and Nancy both compared demorrgorgans to bears- and Nancy and Jonathan used a bear-trap to capture the demorgorgan in s1. So when El tries to grab Will’s teddy bear (it was shown to be his in s1) with her powers. And Mike says “they’ll come back”. They might actually come back, because Will and EL’s relationship improves. Mike even tried to give El a golden bear as a gift (so maybe that signifies the giving back of her powers in s4 ?)

Will was always hinted to have powers from the very beginning, so it would be incredibly stupid to just drop this plot point, despite all the foreshadowing. In the 1st episode, Will wins Dustin’s xmen comic in a bet- and Dustin later asks the gang “Do you think Eleven was born with powers like the xmen?” And also before he was sent to the upside down his password for Castle Byers was ‘Rhadagast’ a wizard character from Lord of the Rings. And in the ST prequel novel “Suspicious Minds” the adult psychics were referenced to both the xmen and lord of the Rings characters. And in the comic, he keeps on saying ‘what would Will- the Wise do’ (his d&d wizard character). Also Dustin straight up called El a “wizard” in the last ep of s1, at Will’s bedside. Not to mention Mike in s2 called Will a “cleric” - and clerics get their powers from a god (cough the mindflayer), and in d&d the wiser the cleric the more powerful they are. And Will’s nickname is ‘Will the wise’? The fact that Will in s1 drew his character with lightning and fire powers- and the fact he barbecued 2 phones in s1 (just like El did to the radio at the school). In s1 was said he could “shadow walk” a wizard d&d power. The fact he could control lights and manipulate electronics to communicate to his mom from another dimension (and in s1 only El could do that). The fact he literally created a portal through the wall of his house (just like El did at the school in s2). And just the many other hints in s1! The fact that he drew himself in s2 with a crystal ball (which is associated with the powers of scrying and clairvoyance) before being possessed, but just so happen to have those abilities in s2. Dustin also said the only way to defeat the MF is an undead army and Will’s nickname is “zombie boy”. So frankly, his fight with the MF (who is still in the upside down) may not be over. And that new demorgagan in Russia might be a symbol of El’s grief over Hopper’s (perceived) death.

This would honestly, be the only explanation that would allow me to forgive the Duffers . Like you can steal this idea from me! Please! XD

#stranger things theory #will byers #byler #el hopper

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eds-trashmouth · 5 years ago

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PolyJAMorous

A/N: hi I hate this! But it’s here and it’s not what I intended but I hope you like it regardless. I’ve also decided that people probably don’t care about word count and all that so I’m not going to put it on anymore (unless you guys want me to) Thank you for the support and the next one will be better. I promise ❤️

A road trip was certainly not how the losers thought they would be spending their summer break before they all packed up and headed off to college. Yet, Richie had the bright idea to make the trip from Derry, Maine to Colorado. He’d come up with the idea a week or so into the start of their senior year. Luckily they’d had all school year to plan and save up money.

Richie got a job at the Aladdin, the local theater, taking tickets and cleaning up after the shows. He ended up making decent money and buying a used suv by the middle of the year. He had to cut out smokes but Eddie says it’s better that way. He’d do anything for Eddie so giving up cigarettes was nothing, although on his very stressful days Bev was nice enough to share a cig or two with him.

Eddie on the other hand, wasn’t allowed to get a job. Mrs. K turned down that idea almost immediately, yelling about how any job he would get as a teenager would be flipping burgers and she couldn’t have her precious Eddiebear flipping burgers in a “disgusting” fast food place. So, he decided he would tutor some underclassmen after school. He had put up flyers around campus to try to get some tutoring jobs but ultimately he didn’t get that many. He even tried to back out of the trip because he felt bad for having less than everyone else. Richie was the first to shut that idea down. “You’re going Spaghetti. Even if I have to pay for you myself. It’s a losers trip. Gotta have all seven of us!”

It took Beverly until the middle of the school year to finally find a job. Through no fault of her own, it seems that when the whole town thinks you’re dirty as a child, you don’t find many people who forget that kind of thing. She eventually landed a job with Richie at the theater. She suspected the Trashmouth himself had something to do with that, but she knew he’d never tell.

Now, Mike and Stan had a pretty easy time finding work. They’d been together since Sophomore year and Stan loved helping out on the farm, so Mike asked his grandfather if they could get paid for some of the farm work. It took a little convincing but by the third week of school, Mike and Stan were already getting their first week of pay. Stan definitely enjoyed rubbing it in Richie’s face that he got to see his boyfriend and get paid to do so. Maybe Richie took a quick glance at Eddie when he did so. Maybe he didn’t.

Bill also had a pretty easy time finding work. There was a new YMCA opening up in Derry and Bill already had experience lifeguarding for the past two summers so he applied to work at their pool. Obviously he got it, and he even snuck the losers in a few times for a late night swim.

Ben had been working at the library since sophomore year so he didn’t have to do much worrying. He had the money saved up by December, and a little extra for Eddie just incase. Although, Richie already called dibs on paying for Eddie. Even if Eddie didn’t know it yet.

Today was finally the day. They’d made it through the school year and even stayed for graduation. The losers had all met up at Richie’s to help get ready for the trip. The sun was blazing down upon them as they packed everything into the van. Each loser had a duffle bag and they’d brought a cooler filled with lunchables, sodas, and flavored waters requested by Stan and Eddie. It didn’t take too long to load everything and hit the road.

Richie insisted on taking the first shift driving. The trip was a whole days worth of travel, inevitably they would need to stop for gas, food, and possibly even a hotel but Richie was determined to drive as much as he could before stopping. This trip was his baby, he’d been planning it all year. They hadn’t really set a destination yet, other than Colorado, the whole idea was to just decide to stop somewhere pretty. Of the losers, Richie, Ben, Bill, and Mike were the only ones with a license, they’d done the math and needed to switch every 7 hours or so.

“What are these idiots thinking?!” From the passenger seat, Eddie rolled his eyes. The roads were bustling by mid day, and the cars were just flying by. “Don’t they know the speed limit is only 70? They’re going to cause an accident.”

“Eds, I’m only going 65. They’re probably going like 75 or 80.”

“Well regardless, that’s still over the speed limit Richie! It’s dangerous!” Eddie was talking with his hands, overly exaggerating everything, giving it the emphasis he always seemed to. Richie couldn’t help but glance at the boy beside him. He smiled fondly as Eddie noticed his attention. “Eyes on the road Chee!”

“Would you two lovebirds q-quit bickering? I’m t-trying to nap before it’s my turn to drive.” Richie peeked into his rear view mirror to see Bill with his eyes still closed and his head on Ben’s shoulder in the very back seat. Ben didn’t seem to mind the intrusion, his attention was fully on the game Beverly was playing next to him. Stan and Mike were seated in the middle of the vehicle, a bench seat to share, and wearing one earbud each watching Netflix. Richie would’ve gagged had he not fully intended on doing the same with Eddie once he was done driving.

“Let’s listen to some classic Richie tunes then Spaghetti! Everyone else is doing they’re own thing.” He could see Eddie roll his eyes once more in his peripheral vision before he leaned down to get the aux cord for Richie. He laid his hand out, waiting for Richie’s phone, which he gladly handed over. “Alright, I wanna listen to something good. Let me think.”

“I’m playing something while you decide then.” Eddie already went to work, plugging in the aux and setting up the radio. He opened the phone with his thumb and in seconds was on Richie’s Spotify. Richie couldn’t help but think how much of a routine this was. Just for them. None of the losers had their thumb print on his phone, everyone else had to ask how to work the radio or where his aux was, but not Eddie. His Eddie.

“No Jonas Brothers. That’s my only request.”

“You love them, don’t pretend to be hardcore.” Eddie was already scrolling down his playlist to search. Before long a familiar beat filled the air. A Jonas Brothers song.

“Don’t out me like that, and then play my favorite JB song. You can’t do me like that Eds.”

“Not my name, and this is your punishment for calling Spaghetti as well.” Don’t Throw It Away off their newest album blessed the speakers. Richie couldn’t stop himself and soon began screaming the lyrics at the top of his lungs. His fingers tapped happily to the beat, while he danced in his seat. As the chorus hit and Richie had given into the music, he glanced over to see Eddie recording him.

“I know I’m famous but no pictures please. I’m just trying to live my truth!” Richie’s hand came up to cover the camera while he let out a loud laugh. Eddie was too quick for him though and moved the phone right out of his reach, leaning into the side door.

“Hands on the wheel and eyes on the road. You wouldn’t want us to die before we even get to Colorado would you? And besides, I have to document the trip. This is the last trip that we all get to have together before we move on.”

“I’ll never move on from you Spaghetti.” With his eyes still on the road, Richie tried grabbing for Eddie’s cheek only to get smacked away from the boy himself.

“Ha ha. Very funny Trashmouth. You know what I mean. We all have our own livings waiting for us when we get back. I want to remember this. Remember us Chee.” Out of the corner of his eyes Richie could see the slight flush on the boys face. “The losers that is. All of us.”

“Eddie,” Beverly spoke up from the back. “You know we’ll still be best friends right? Us going to college doesn’t change that. We can still have movie nights and study dates. Sure, it’ll be different because it’ll be through a screen but we will still be together. Once a loser, always a loser.”

The car fell into a comfortable silence after that. Richie’s mind always wondering to Eddie. This trip was really important to him, and Richie didn’t even know it. Eddie hadn’t told him and he hadn’t noticed. What kind of best friend is he? He couldn’t even see how worried Eddie was about the future. The future of the losers club. Of course Richie knew they’d always be together in some way, but he shouldn’t have assumed Eddie was feeling the same.

“Hey Eds,” Richie made sure to talk quietly, a conversation just for them. Eddie turned his attention from the road to Richie with a slight hum. “You know you’re my best friend right? And nothing will ever change that. Not even distance.” Eddie nodded in understanding but turned back to the window. Richie glanced at the time. They’d been driving for about 6 hours at that point, and the gas tank was getting pretty low.

“Alright. We’re stopping, we need some gas and then it’ll be Big Bill’s turn.” There was a chorus of okays as he looked for an exit with a gas station. Luckily the next one was only 10 miles down the road. He pulled off the exit and into a Speedway. “Go pee now! No accidents in my baby please!”

Everyone did their business and Bill paid for this round of gas. Richie checked the cooler to find only four more lunchables and a few flavored waters. He grabbed for the extra soda he’d packed to fill up the cooler again, making a mental note that they all needed a proper meal soon. Everyone piled back into the suv, Bill and Ben in the front, Stan and Mike once again on their middle seat, and Eddie Richie and Bev on the back bench seat. Then they were back on the road.

“Hey Eds, do you wanna watch some Netflix or something? I brought earbuds.” Eddie was in the middle of him and Bev and currently watching Bev play whatever game on her Switch. He’d been watching her since they left the gas station about an hour ago and Richie was jealous. Not of Beverly of course, just that she was getting Eddie’s attention. Richie had already listen to her explain her game to him, twice, and he wanted some Eddie time.

“Maybe later Rich. Bev is just about to beat this level but she only has like four units left. It’s really intense.” He didn’t even glance in Richie’s direction. If he would’ve, he would see the pout on his face and the hurt in his eyes.

“I don’t know what that means. What game are you even playing?” He was still pouting.

“Fire Emblem dude. I’ve already said that like five times since you’ve been back here. The new game came out and I’m obsessed. You get an X amount of fighters, they all have different abilities, and you have to try to kill all the enemies on the board. This game makes you a professor, so you have to train your students. This is a big deal. My class is about to kick ass. Now shush. It’s intense.”

“Sorry.” Eddie barely spoke as he continued watching Bev. Richie simply hung his head and plugged in his earbuds. He knew he was being a little ridiculous but he couldn’t help it. He’d spent 6 hours driving so it’s not like Eddie got much of his attention, and he deserved all of it. That just wasn’t in the cards this trip it seemed. It didn’t take long for Richie to get bored of Netflix, he was just watching old episodes of Criminal Minds anyways. Not even his guilty pleasure show could lift his mood. Looking over at Eddie once more, the other lad was still watching Beverly, but he also had his phone out on Instagram. Beverly had already finished the battle and he wasn’t even fully watching her. Yet, he hadn’t said a word to Richie. He’d be lying if he said that didn’t hurt, but he didn’t blame him. He wouldn’t want to be annoyed for hours either. Unless it was Eddie annoying him of course.

Richie went back to his own little world, turning on his ‘sad boi’ playlist, it felt fitting. He knew it was silly, but he felt like a fool. Of course Eddie would rather do anything else than spend this trip with Richie. This was his last trip with most of their friends, but Richie was going to UCLA with him. Why would he want to spend time with him? He already had to spend at least four more years with his annoying friend who made stupid jokes that weren’t even funny...and was secretly in love with him.

Fuck.

Richie’s mind was jerked to consciousness as the car came to a stop. He didn’t even remember falling asleep. With a yawn, he lifted his head off the arm of the seat. Man, his neck was killing him. As he cracked his neck he wondered how he even fell asleep lying on that in the first place. The doors were slammed open as everyone filed out one by one. Richie being the last to emerge, he caught a glimpse of the Taco Bell beside them and realized he was indeed starving.

“Lets fucking eat!” Beverly exclaimed running toward the restaurant doors. Everyone followed suit and mumbled their agreement. Eddie fell behind with Richie.

“Hey Chee. Did you have a nice sleep?” Richie didn’t even bother lifting his head as he simply shrugged. His mind was still elsewhere. He’d never admitted to himself that the things he was feeling were more than platonic but now it’s the only thing he could think of. The way he enjoyed the other boy’s attention, his eyes, his lips, his whole fucking face. He wasn’t ready to reveal his feelings so he suppressed them, even if it meant ignoring Eddie. He was sure Eddie would be relived anyways.

“Did you wanna watch Netflix after we eat? I’ve been looking forward to that Blake Anderson movie you downloaded.” Richie finally looked at him, honestly in shock that the other still wanted something to do with him. Which was a mistake. He shouldn’t have looked, then he wouldn’t have caught the sun in Eddie’s eyes.

“Nah it’s okay Eds. You can keep watching Bev play, I don’t mind.” Richie waved him off as they stepped inside.

“But I want to! Have you seen the trailer for Game Over Man? It looks fucking hilarious.”

“Oh. Sure, you can watch it. I think I’m just going to drive the rest of the way. I took a nap.” With that, Richie walked to the register to order. The other losers were already sat a table toward the back, waiting for their food. Eddie could pretend to want to spend time with him, but Richie could tell he wasn’t interested in the car. What would change that now? He had accepted it, and just wanted to drive. It helped him get away. Neither boy spoke the entire time they were eating, while the others engaged in casual conversation. If they noticed the two being quiet they didn’t mention it.

“Hey. I’m going to drive. I napped.” Richie grabbed the keys from Bill as he started toward the drivers side. He didn’t wait for a reply as he got in and started the suv. They had around 8 more hours until the reached Colorado and Richie intended on driving the entire way. It seemed like every could sense the tension but was too afraid to say anything. By the 20 hours mark everyone in the back was sleeping soundly while Richie jammed out. Everyone except Eddie. He’d been listening to Richie play half a song then change it, then listen to half another song then change it, and so on, for the past hour and a half. Richie knew he was probably being annoying, but he was more interested in keeping his mind off his own insecurities than noticing. It took another five songs for Eddie to finally snap.

“What the fuck Richard? Why do you keep changing the song?! Let one finish.” Richie didn’t need to look at him to know he was rolling his eyes, and probably pouting as well.

“Eds, did you just meme me? The meme lord.”

“First of all. No one says meme lord anymore. Second of all. We haven’t listened to a full song in hours, and it’s driving me insane.”

“I have multiple favorite songs and I love them equally. What can I say? I’m polyjamorous.”

“Ugh. Just shut up and pick a fucking song already.” Eddie turned his body to look out the window as he went silent and crossed his arms. Richie didn’t say another word, simply choosing a playlist and letting it play. This was going to be the longest five hours of Richie’s life. He hated making Eddie upset, but he didn’t want to open his dumb mouth and make everything worse. He always made everything worse...

“Hey, uh, Eds?” Richie finally broke the silence, Eddie had been staring out the window for two hours now and Richie was starting to worry. “I’m sorry about the music.” Eddie’s attention snapped to him as he turned back to him.

“That’s not why I’m upset idiot. Why are you being like this? We barely talked this entire trip! I was really looking forward to this, but now I’m just thinking it was a mistake.” Richie sneaked a glance in his direction before turning back to the road. He saw Eddie’s hurt expression and suddenly felt like an asshole.

“You made it pretty clear earlier that you weren’t interested in watching anything with me. I was just making it easier for you, by taking myself out of the equation. You can do what you wanna do now.”

“What? What are you talking about? I literally asked if you would watch it with me!”

“I know you only asked because I seemed down. But I’m okay Eds. You could’ve watched Bev play more. I didn’t take it personally don’t worry.” Richie tried to give a smile but it didn’t even meet his eyes.

“No Chee. I am worried. You’re talking non sense. I asked because I wanted to spend time with you. Dumbass. I was only watching Beverly because you needed to sleep! You’d just driven like seven hours in the early morning and I know you don’t sleep at night.” Richie’s eyes widened at Eddie’s words. He was officially speechless. Eddie wanted to spend time with him? He was just worried?...about Richie’s well-being? No way. No way Richie had misread the entire situation. No way.

“Richie. If you don’t say something I’m going to be more upset. Just being honest.” Eddie’s arms were once again crossed.

“I...don’t know what to say. I thought you seemed really disinterested in Netflix...with me.”

“I’d watch anything with you.” Eddie’s voice was so soft, Richie had to lean closer to even hear him.

“But...why?”

“Because I love you. You big dumb idiot.” Richie’s hands gripped the steering wheel as his brain processed what was just said. Platonic Richie. Platonic. He means it platonically....doesn’t he? Of course he does.

“Richie...” Eddie’s voice was soft once again as he leaned over to lay his hand on Richie’s. “When we stop, we should really talk.”

-Taglist

@richietoaster @geckolover001 @pennys-pet-kitty @aesteddie @elhopps @summerxle @mexicanqt @punkrocktozier @richietczicr @tozier-club @kristashae @princesass-theresa @dandeliontozier @doctor-lobster @queennugget3 @halfway-happy353 @reddieafterdark @beep-beep-reddie @hmufinn @stanuterus @not-reddie @curlywheelers @i-is-gazebo @temptedtozier @reddie-to-fight @girasol-eddie @mirandonsky @annoyingtozier @sedanleystanley @richieshawaiianshirts @tyrror @slingingwingingspidey @themarvelousmissmadge @eddiefuckinkaspbrak @constantreaderfool @muffin-berry @eddiekazier @reddie-to-go @did-someone-say-reddie @queen-sock

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged or removed! (Or your name changed or something)

#reddie #kat writes #reddie fanfic #road trip au #im sorry it sucks

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defectivekai · 6 years ago

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MIKE DOES THE FIRST TASK FOR: HIMSELF

what’s a grammar rule you find yourself breaking or ignoring a lot?

uhhh my insane use of commas. or that people don’t talk w/ actions.

are there any languages besides english in which you think you could comfortably roleplay?

none at all. to my distaste, i am monolingual.

how often do you reach for a synonym dictionary when writing? how about mentally?

ALL the time. i am asking google for synonyms all day, every day.

how often do you need to translate your own or the other’s writing with a dictionary or google when writing and reading replies?

oh never. at least, not in a language standpoint?

do you listen to music while your write?

exclusively so. it helps keep me focused. stranger in the basement by bonecage helps me the most and spotify said i listened to it for 167 hours this year. /shrug

do you have ideal writing circumstances when you can do a lot of drafts or tackle really long ones very easily?

got me a drink. got my song/playlist that’s not too distracting ei. making me stop and want to sing along to it. no one in real life bothering me. i’m home on my desktop.

are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer?

i want to say a night writer, but like, maybe more of an evening writer. if it’s too early, it’s hard to get the muse going. if it’s too late, i’m tired and muses ftf off.

how does tiredness affect your writing?

if i’m tired it’s far too tempting to just.... go to bed lmao.

have you ever written a serious reply intoxicated?

i don’t really used toxins so like, not really. high? yes. it’s not the hardest thing.

how much do you proof-read as you are writing vs. proof-read at the end?

i reread my reply a lot but i need to get better at proof-reading right before posting reply....

when you are writing a reply, how much ahead in the thread do you plan?

none at all. my characters don’t work that way. i can only plan ahead as far as the end of the current reply. sometimes i even write the end of the reply before the beginning, but that’s mostly in case of dialogue. some statements my muses want to jump on asap.

is there ever been a time when you’ve had to drop a roleplaying partner because you’ve found their writing style exhausting?

there was never a time i made a decision because of it, but there are past partners that i see now that they were exhausting to write with. for all kinds of reasons.

does writing roleplay things in public spaces make you uncomfortable?

oh yes it do.

what do you do after you see a person has replied? do you read it immediately, or do you wait for it to show up on the dash? do you like it, draft it immediately, etc?

it depends! if i’m not in the middle of something, like out or working, i’ll read it right then and there -- open it up into a tab to do for later. otherwise i’ll make a mental note and get to it when i have some time to myself. i used to save drafts but i don’t do that usually now. i might like some replies so it’s in there and then unlike them, but typically, i just lurk the dash and collect the tabs.

how often do you need to change the icon in your reply while or after writing the reply?

not too often. i usually pick the icon after the reply, and i match the icon to the closest piece of dialogue or the more significant piece of expression.

do you first get in the “zone” when writing, or do you start writing and “enter” it that way?

i like to pretend i get into a zone but really, it happens when it happens, and then of course the outside world can take me out of the zone. i guess the zone is thrust upon me.

what is your biggest obstacle to writing every day, if time doesn’t count?

my short attention span, i’d say.

how many drafts is a paralyzing amount?

once it hits over ten i’m like oooouch. if it’s over twenty i feel like it’s never going to happen.

if you are writing a wrong reply that’s not working out, do you save what you have to be continued at another date, or do you scrap it and rewrite?

i kind of do both? depending on how much i worked on the first draft. i’ll save that, stop for a second and look at it later. like the next day. give my muse another chance to react.

does making icons give or take away energy to write? what about other graphics?

it’s more like i enter a purgatory where my muse is flowing gently as i work on a character’s resources. it’s a happy medium where i can kinda spend time thinking about them, but not have to think to hard. i’m just editing/making stuff.

longest reply you’ve ever written on mobile?

i wouldn’t be able to find out but it was def a few longer paragraphs. only like, the one or two times though. i rarely do mobile.

what’s your thought process when you format? any unspoken rules you follow?

i prefer to have my gifs match the closest context text. if the end of the reply, someone said something damning and has a matching icon, i gotta put it on the bottom. i also need to put two spaces behind my ? so that it’s easier on the eyes. oh and i match gif size w/ who i’m writing with.

#thelegacieshqs.taskone #thelegacieshqs.tasks #thelegacieshqs.ooc

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positivity-studies · 6 years ago

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I was tagged by my good friend @purenerd !!

Rules: Answer these 15 questions and then tag 10 people.

1. What is your degree / favorite subject?

I’m majoring in Information Technology and Informatics (specifically, I’m studying Web Design), minoring in Creative Writing, and getting a certificate in Recording Arts!! My interests are all over the place.

2. Where are you from?

I’m from the United States and I live in the Eastern time zone. That’s as specific as I’m willing to get, sorry!!

3. What motivates you to study?

I’m motivated by the people I look up to, by my friends, and by myself. The people I look up to remind me that it takes hard work to achieve goals and that nothing is easy but anything is possible as long as I work hard. My friends remind me that I can get through whatever seemingly impossible task is in front of me and support me at my worst and my best. I remind myself that I’m finally studying what I love, something I’ve dreamed for a long time, and that there’s so much ahead of me that I can accomplish as long as I keep doing my best and pushing myself out of my comfort zone. And, well, there’s also the fact that I have to keep a pretty high GPA to stay in my program. At the end of the day, though, I love what I’m studying and even though it’s difficult at times, I just remind myself of my goals, that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now, and that I should never give up.

4. What do you love about yourself?

I love that I dream really big and that when I care about something, I really care about something. I feel very strongly about what I love, and it’s often that passion that motivates me to get stuff done.

5. What time do you do your best studying?

Anytime from early afternoon to early evening.

6. What is your favorite TV show?

Parks and Recreation, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Good Place... basically anything Mike Schur writes.

7. Best self-care tip for exam season.

As important as it is to spend a lot of time studying, make sure you also take the time to do something for yourself, whether it be watching a movie you love, hanging out with friends, or taking a nap!! It’ll make exam season much less dreadful and refresh your brain before you study some more. Also, make sure you sleep enough and eat well.

8. Do you listen to music when you study?

Usually, yes. Music is what makes studying and doing homework more fun for me. Most of the time I just put one of my playlists or my whole Spotify library on shuffle, but sometimes I’ll listen to a specific album. There are occasionally times when I’ll get too overwhelmed for music and just need to work in silence, but that doesn’t happen too often. And, of course, when I’m working with friends around, I don’t put headphones in.

9. What is your favorite book?

Oh, gosh. I’m afraid to even try to answer this question!! I guess if I had to narrow it down to a few, I’d choose Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli, the Shades of Magic series by V. E. Schwab, and What If It’s Us by Becky Albertalli and Adam Silvera. Yes, I’ve read it. Yes, it’s perfect. Yes, you should absolutely get it once it comes out.

10. Where do you do your best studying?

Either in the library or in my room.

11. What do you get complimented on often?

I don’t know? Sometimes I get complimented on my handwriting, though it really isn’t that great. My friends tell me I can write well, though I don’t share my writing with other people very often.

12. Where would you like to live in the future?

NEW. YORK. CITY. I’ve spent so much time there over the course of my life, and it really has everything I need: musical theater (and regular theater), concerts, good food, good bookstores, public transportation (I hate driving and would much rather depend on my own two legs and the subway to get around), and more! There are also so many opportunities there for web design, writing, and music production, so I could pursue any and all of those without having to move around. What’s funny is that if you’d asked me this same question a year ago, I would have said Los Angeles. What’s even funnier is that until a few years ago, I HATED going to New York City since I consistently got sick every single time I went. Who knows where I’ll actually end up, but as of now, New York City is the goal.

13. How long have you been active on your studyblr?

I’ve had this blog since March 21, 2016, but I haven’t been the most consistent with posting on it. My goal for this year is to be more active both here and on my new studygram : )

14. Favorite way to spend study breaks?

I love watching TV, writing, reading, and hanging out with my friends.

15. What is your favorite study snack?

I love pretzels and Cheez-Its, though I’m trying to get out of the habit of eating while I’m studying.

I tag: @tiredstudyying, @studybasil, @colbystudies, @studysmiley, @arielsstudies, @studycaffe, @studybutch, @plantsandcoffeestudyblr, @studying-simply, and @adriana-studies.

#original #tags and challenges #purenerd #tiredstudyying #studybasil #colbystudies #studysmiley #arielsstudies #studycaffe #studybutch #plantsandcoffeestudyblr #studying-simply #adriana-studies

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richietoaster · 7 years ago

Text

Heart Hurts So Good

Pairing: reddie

warnings: none

words: 2,362

thank you to 2/4 my beautiful betas: @killerxqueer and @reddie-to-go :)

ao3 link

Spotify Playlist that helped me write this

Eddie doesn’t remember the first time he felt like he was floating. Or, falling, maybe. He doesn’t know when his heart started leaping out of his chest, or when his eyes started to linger longer on a certain boy . Hell, he can’t even remember when he started liking boys and stopped liking girls.

He supposes that it could’ve started years ago; when Richie started slinging an arm over his shoulder, or the way he began smiling at him, or the way Eddie developed a habit of always gravitating to him no matter where they were or who they were with.

Eddie’s not too sure about this whole ‘feeling’ thing. Whatever it is, at least. He tries to push his feelings away, tries to bury it and hide it. He knows it gets increasingly harder with every look Richie gives him. Maybe it’s not just a feeling, maybe Richie is just the one that reminded him of what’s always been ignited inside of him. It gets harder, and Eddie knows it.

They’re all sitting at the lunch table, a Friday afternoon. Richie is sat across from Eddie and he hates it. Hates that he can just look up and see his pretty fucking face. He knows that he’s being way too passive aggressive about it, but he can’t help but stab his macaroni with his plastic fork the more he thinks about how fucking beautiful his best friend is and how he shouldn’t even be thinking that.

“You okay there, Eddie?” Stan touches his arm carefully.

“Fan-fuckin-tastic,” Eddie grumbles and shoves the food into his mouth. “This macaroni is good as fuck.”

Stan blinks, because, okay then..

Eddie nearly chokes when he looks up once more, seeing Richie, with what looks like a smirk plastered on his lips.

“ So... ” Mike speaks loudly, trying to clear the tension, “What’s on the agenda for the day? I was thinking we could have a boys night. Order some pizza, watch some movies, play poker..?”

“Yeah that sounds awesome. It seems...” Ben looks at Eddie. “Well needed.”

Bill sees this and chuckles, “Yeah, i-it does, doesn’t it? I’ll b-bring alcohol.”

Bev sighs, “Why do you guys have to have a boys night? Because then I’m stuck at home with nothing to do and nobody to-”

“-do?”

“Richie Tozier I will rip your fuckin’ dick off.”

“Kinky.”

Beverly rolls her eyes, “and nobody to hang out with.”

“What about Jane?” Eddie questions, “You guys have been hanging out a lot in gym, aren’t you friends?”

She goes to speak but Stan beats her to it, “Yeah, sure. They’re friends.”

“What is this, ‘pick on Bev’ day?” Bev huffs,”Yes, Eddie. Jane and I are friends...”

“Ask her to hang out then.” Eddie shrugs.

“Yeah, we don’t want you to miss out on too much fun.” Richie says, a suggestive tone in his words, “I’m sure Jane would really like that.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll ask her to hang out.”

“Great! Now we all have plans tonight.” Ben says, smiling at his friends.

Eddie returns it, weakly. He does NOT want to be any physically closer to Richie than he is right now, and if he goes to Mike’s, he’s just going to be glued to him, and he knows this. Is he still going to go, though? Yes. Is he going to act like a love-sick puppy the entire time? Probably.

Eddie shows up to Mike’s house later that night, a bottle of wine in hand. He shoves it into Mike’s hands when he opens the door. Eddie slides past him and ignores the weird look that his friend gives him.

“Ayyyy it’s Eds Spagheds!” Richie greets him with a smile and wraps an arm around Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie instinctively reaches up to grab his hand, despite that, throwing a warning look at Richie.

“I know, I know, don’t call you that.”

Eddie smiles at this.

“Alright boys,” Richie lets go of Eddie and claps his hands together, “What’s first? Poker? Movies?”

Everyone collectively agrees on poker.

An hour and a half into the game, they’ve all got alcohol in them. Ben, Bill, and Stan all on the more ‘tipsy’ side. Mike, Eddie, and Richie all nearly pissed drunk.

Richie starts being more touchy with everyone, particularly Eddie. He’s got a hand in Eddie’s hair, an arm around his middle, and every once in awhile he’ll throw his face into his neck.

Eddie can’t stand it. He can’t stand all of this touching. Not that he doesn’t love it, because he does, it’s just that he knows it’s all due to Richie being drunk. Eddie might be drunk too, but he’s touchy with the other boy because he likes him. He’s just a friend to Richie, and it makes his heart hurt even more, especially when he feels the taller boy’s lips graze against his ear when he laughs at something Ben had said. The second he feels it, shivers flow all the way down his back and down to his feet.

Eddie thinks in that moment, he thinks he know what love is.

In the morning, Eddie blinks away the sleep. He stretches, trying to sit up, but feels something heavy over his chest. Eddie looks down and sees Richie’s arm draped over him. He removes it carefully, trying not to wake him. Everyone around him is snoring away, still sleeping off their hangovers and he wishes he could stay there with his friends, but he knows if he’s not home at an early enough time, his mother will never let him hear the end of it.

Eddie bikes home as fast as he can, holding his thigh at the pocket of his sweatpants so his phone doesn’t fall out.

When he gets in the driveway of his house, Eddie wheels his bike to the garage, not bothering to put it inside. He digs out his key from his other pocket and begins to approach the front door. Before he can put the key in the slot, the door is yanked open and an angry Sonia Kaspbrak stands before him.

“Do you know how much trouble you’re in?” Sonia puts her hands on her hips.

“Mom- I- I was just at Mike’s, I stayed the night-”

“I said you could hang out, I didn’t say you could spend the night.” Sonia sighs, “come on, get inside.”

Eddie complies and opens his mouth to apologize.

Sonia grabs her son’s arm the moment he rushes past her, “Edward Kaspbrak, do I smell alcohol on you?”

Eddie’s eyes widen, “N-No mom, of course not, I-” He stops speaking and leans back when his mother crowds his space, sniffing his shirt intensely.

“Don’t lie to me.”

The silence between them is enough for Sonia to receive her answer and she pushes Eddie into the house.

“Give me your phone.”

“What?”

“I said give me your phone.” Sonia slams the door behind her and holds her hand out, motioning for him to hand it over.

“Mom, you can’t do that, I have track and school and-”

“You will come straight home all this week and you will not leave the house for the rest of this weekend, do you understand?”

“Yes, mom..”

“I’m not doing this to irritate or to push your buttons, Eddie. You know how I worry, okay? I’m doing this as a punishment. You’re only seventeen and you were drinking! Do you know how dangerous that is? Underage drinking?”

“I’m sorry.”

Sonia shakes her head, “I’m very disappointed in you. Go to your room. I’ll call you down when dinner is ready.”

Eddie nods and goes to his room without another word.

Eddie falls asleep, sleeping through nearly the whole day, but he’s woken up when he hears a knock at his door.

“Eddie-Bear? Are you awake?”

The door opens slowly and Eddie sits up, “Yeah, m’awake.”

“Dinner’s ready, sweetie.”

Sonia retreats downstairs and waits until Eddie comes down too, before she starts eating.

Eddie picks up his fork, about to dig in, but his mom stops him.

“You know we pray first, Eddie.”

Eddie nearly has to force himself not to roll his eyes. He doesn’t think he’s that religious. At all, maybe.

When she bows her head and begins to pray, Eddie doesn’t move, doesn’t close his eyes, like his mother.

“Amen,” She speaks suddenly.

“Amen.”

They eat in silence, not speaking. The two usually don’t speak as much anymore, not like they used to.

The house phone rings suddenly, and Eddie jumps up to get it, but she gives him a look. He watches his mother walk over to it, picking it up, and placing it to her ear.

“Hello?”

Eddie nearly stops himself from breathing to try to hear who it is.

“Yes, he’s here...” Sonia pauses and sighs. “Eddie, come talk to your friend.” She practically spits out the last word. He assumes it’s Richie from her tone of voice. He pushes his chair out, scrambling to take the phone out from Sonia’s hands. He doesn’t speak until she sits back down.

“Hello?” Eddie says.

“Hey,” Richie’s voice rings through. “Are you avoiding me?”

“Unintentionally.” Maybe it’s a good thing, though.

“What do you mean by that?”

“My mom took away my phone.” Eddie purses his lips. “Why?”

“Nothing, Mike just mentioned that...” Richie trails off.

“What is it?”

“Nevermind. I just… is your window gonna be open tonight?”

Eddie smiles to himself, quickly dropping it before his mom can see, “Of course. It always is.”

“Okay. I’ll be up later.”

Eddie lowers his voice, “I’ll be awake.”

The line goes silent and Eddie speaks again, “Are you still there?”

“Yeah.”

“You sound off, are you okay?”

Mike just mentioned that...

“Yeah...don’t worry your pretty little head, Eds. I’ll be up later tonight, okay?”

“Okay, sounds good.”

“See you then, Spaghetti.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Bye, Rich.”

Sonia watches her son hang up and sit back down, “What did he want?”

“Richie? Um,” Eddie stuffs his mouth with food, “Science Project.”

“Okay.”

Eddie goes to his room fifteen minutes after he’s done eating, making sure he doesn’t seem eager to leave his mother. (He is.)

He counts down the hours, knowing Richie won’t come until midnight, just in case Sonia is still awake. She never hears him come through the window, anyway.

When one o’clock in the morning hits, Eddie watches his window expectantly. After a few minutes, he sees a mop of curls poke through the curtains, and a smile plays on his lips.

“Miss me?” Richie asks, laughing at the sight of Eddie’s face.

“You wish.” Eddie pats the space next to him, a feeling of content spreading through him when Richie lies next to him.

“You got grounded?”

“Yeah,” Eddie nods, “She smelled the alcohol on me almost immediately.”

“Little does she know, all of us could come see you this entire week and she would never know.” Richie laughs and turns on his side to face Eddie.

Eddie’s breath hitches when his eyes meet the other boy’s.

Another feeling erupts in his chest. It overwhelms him, yet completes him. He feels so free but it’s like his chest is almost constricting itself, cutting off his oxygen. Eddie thinks its funny how someone could go from being a stranger, to becoming a friend, then a best friend, and yet in the end, it never ends like that-- meeting someone that he automatically became attached to the hip with, and expecting him to just see him as a friend, a best friend, and only a best friend.

Who is he kidding? Definitely not himself. He’s completely infatuated with Richie, and he doesn’t know how he’s lived without him for the first ten years of his life. Eddie feels like Richie is the first chaotic thing that happened to him. He disrupted the stilled and stabilized life Mrs. Kaspbrak was trying to get Eddie to have.

Eddie takes a breath, inhaling deeply, and breathing out slowly. No, he doesn’t think he knows what love is. He can feel it. It’s ignited in him, all throughout his body. Nobody has ever made him feel what Eddie feels just by looking at Richie.

“What’re you staring at?” Richie questions, shaking Eddie from his thoughts.

“You,” Eddie says, feeling suddenly confident despite his cheeks reddening.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Richie reaches over and tucks a strand of his hair behind his ear. Eddie grabs his hand, and he audibly chokes. “Oh my god,” he says. He can feel the tears pricking at the corner of his eyes.

“What’s wrong, Eds?” Richie touches his cheek, thumbing down his jawline.

“I-I think.. I think you’re the one.”

Richie blinks at him, saying nothing for an entire minute, and Eddie thinks he’s going to go insane if he doesn’t soon.

“Rich.. Say someth-”

Eddie doesn’t like being cut off. And he’s always hated it. However, he’s not minding it much. No, not when what’s interrupting him is Richie’s lips pressing against his.

Eddie is crying, and he’s not meaning to, but he can’t help it. The love of his life is kissing him hard and slow and it’s everything he’s ever wanted.

“Eddie,” Richie laughs against his lips, “I’m so, so in love with you.”

“God,” Eddie shakes his head, “Look at us- we’re a mess.”

They laugh into each other’s mouths, kissing each other harder than the first time.

“We’re not a mess,” Richie disagrees, “We might be stupid, but not a mess.”

Eddie nods, his nose bumping against the older boy’s. “I don’t know how I’ve gone seventeen years without kissing you.” He doesn’t, really. His need to be kissing Richie is like needing oxygen to breathe.

“You don’t have to wonder any longer,” Richie places his lips on Eddie’s again, holding his face in his hands. He moves one hand to Eddie’s leg, pulling it over his waist, the need to be closer getting stronger and stronger.

They kiss for hours, it seems. Their lips bruised, along with both of their necks and chests. It’s all they need in the moment, and Eddie thinks it’s all he’ll ever need.

“I don’t think I’ll ever have to wonder again.”

#mine #reddie #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #sara writes

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stanathieluris · 7 years ago

Note

Can you do more of Stan/bev/richie content,like the night richie tozier almost died? That would be great. 😊

you got it anon!! i love bev + richie + stan being the best of friends

y’all can read the night richie tozier almost died here

SO:

-Bev n Richie were already p tight within the losers bc they go for smoke breaks together and what not.

-Stan and Bev are close too, since Bev sometimes is the only one that gets Stan’s biting humour and Bev compliments Stan whenever he wears a new shirt or whatever.

-and c’mon, Stan the Man has been one of Richie’s best friend since forever.

-But somehow??? The three of them have never??? hung out alone???

-So one friday evening the losers decide to go to the Aladdin but oh!

-Mike can’t go bc his grandpa called him last minute to help at the farm, Bill wasn’t already coming bc he was on babysitting duty, Ben “really wanted to go guys but i just remembered i have to do this report and it’s due monday and i gotta get it done I’m so sorry” and Eddie sneezed that morning in front of his mother and has been quarantined the whole day.

-And so it’s just the three of them.

-And they have a spectacular time together???

-They watch a rom com/chick flick and spend the whole movie dragging the main characters and the plot.

-They almost get kicked out of the cinema, but that’s beyond the question.

-From that day on they start spending a lot of time together.

-They go for midnight drives together whenever one of them have a shitty day at home to the highest spot in town and scream and blast music.

-Bev is always taking pictures of them when they’re not looking bc damn!! Are her boys pretty or what??

-When Stan comes out, around junior year, Richie and Bev become the “Stan Uris Defense Squad”.

-Shopping dates!!!

-They go to thrift stores together and try ridiculous outfits and take so many selfies.

-Like, wacky glasses, neon windbreakers, feather boas, all that kind of junk.

-Stan, wearing three hawaiian shirts on top of each other: “hi, I’m Richie Tozier and I want to fuck your mom!”

-”Holy shit dude this is going on twitter” ”It’s not funny if it’s accurate Stanley!”

-Bev threads flowers on their hair in summer and in return Stan and Richie make her flower crowns.

-They know all the gossip in Derry High, something they use to their advantage whenever someone messes with any of the losers. Needless to say, everyone is kinda intimidated by them.

-They share a Spotify account and make playlists for each other. Sometimes they are cute, sometimes they’re not.

- “I swear to GOD Richie, if ‘What’s New Pussycat’ starts playing again I’m gonna MURDER you”.

-Their snap stories? A-fucking-mazing.

-They’re usually hilarious junk of Richie doing ridiculous dares proposed by Stan and Bev giggling while she records it, aesthetic pics of them and party videos.

-Bev: “Welcome to Bible studies! We’re all children of jesus!”

*zooms in on Stan doing a body shot off Richie* “KumbayaAAH”.

-stuff like that.

-They go to concerts once every month or so, usually local garage bands from the town next to Derry.

-The three of them in smokey eye and eyeliner!!!

-Bev and Richie are scared it might not be Stan’s scene but holy shit he looks so alive?? Bouncing all around the place and kind of following the song eventhought none of them know the lyrics.

-They’re the kind of people at a concert that seem to be in their own world and draw people into the mosh pit and somehow become friends with the band after the show.

-Stan smoked his first blunt w them, which lead to Stan crying because bird would never know how special they are to him. Richie recorded it and uses it to blackmail Stan.

-They are known in the only Denny’s at Derry for always bursting in at the most sporadic hours of the night to order waffles.

-The waitress knows them as Marshmallow, Trashmouth and Birdboy bc the first time they came in they were lowkey high and faked to be superheroes with secret identities.

-At house parties they always do shots together, mainly so they all reach that tipsy-almost-drunk point at the same time, but also so Richie doesn’t drink too much bc he’s a lightweight.

-They take care of each other bc they love each other sm okay?

-They have heart to heart conversations quite frequently, and they always end up laying together and/or crying bc damn they love each other so much.

-i just

-bev richie n stan taking care of each other, being an unstoppable trio

-i love them ok

taglist: @turtleneckrichie @mikexelevenfluff @richietoaster

#it 2017 #it headcanons #it hcs #beverly marsh #stan uris #richie tozier #stan the man #bev marsh #trashmouth tozier #mine #answered

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kaypeace21 · 6 years ago

Note

I have a question but I just want to say first that I love your theories. They’re very well thought-out and interesting. Anyway, I wanted to ask if you could explain how Mike is queer-coded? I’ve seen you mention it and I’ve seen others talk about his attraction to androgynous El, but is there more? Thanks!

ALOT MORE! I talked about it here in the past- but without getting too much into s3 (since I’ve already talked about s3 byler extensively).I’ll just have links for everything I noticed in s3 at the bottom of this post. In regards to s1 and 2, Mike was heavily coded as queer. But most significantly this was done in s1- arguably he was more queer coded than Will ever was. I won’t get into all the details (we’d be here all day) but the highlights, at the top of my head are-

- Mike in his his basement has a red heart being propelled by a rainbow.

- 4 separate characters said El looked like a boy, but Mike doesn’t care! Even one of the men thought El might be the missing ‘Byers boy’. When El loses her wig , Troy said “she doesn’t even look like a girl” to the cops. But Mike just calls her “really pretty”

-Nancy says “I thought you were acting weird, but I thought it was because of Will” And Mike responds “I thought you were acting weird too I thought it was because of Steve … Do you like Jonathan now”?” Nancy: “No, do you like Eleven?”. They literally compared the explicit love triangle between Steve/Nancy/Jonathan to the Will-Mike-El dynamic!

- Mike literally uses gender inclusive pronouns when talking about crushes using the word “someone” (3 times), and embarrassing himself because he can’t articulate the difference between friendship and romance. When he could of simply given the 80s heteronormative answer of ‘when a boy likes a girl’.

Mike: “ you go to school dances with someone.

You know someone that you like”

El: “a friend?”

Mike: ‘not a friend uh … uh someone like a” (gives up and kisses her)

-Mike’s mom said “ What’s been going on with Will, I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you. I just … want you to feel like you can talk to me. I never want you to feel like you have to HIDE anything from me” (she even emphasizes the word ‘hide” (which is heavily queer coded)

- when Will ‘dies’, “we can be heroes” by David bowie (a bisexual singer) plays, “And we kiss as though nothing could fall and the shame” is the lyric that plays when Mike returns to his house and cries in his mother’s arms over the ‘death’ of Will. Do I have to explain how ‘kissing and shame’ are queer-coded . And how such a lyric is oddly romantic- if we’re supposed to see their bond as nothing but platonic XD

-his dad jokes “Absolutely not” *turns to wife* “our son with a girl?”.

- when Lucas makes fun of his crush on EL, Lucas gets down on one knee and says “ I love you so much, will you marry me?” and literally 1s later, we’re introduced to the bullies and the idea (for the first time) that Will is ‘gay’, and Mike is in the forefront of the scene and unlike his friends he is THE ONLY ONE physically assaulted (like a gay-bashing) . They leave Lucas and Dustin unharmed. Even though Lucas just proposed to another guy- which should have gotten him a beating by the homophobic bullies.

It’s supposed to subconsciously hint Mike is queer like Will, and likes Will. The first interaction with the bullies, they mention Will being ‘gay’ right after they mention Mike’s crush on androgynous El and have a guy propose to Mike. Mike says to “ignore them” ( the homophobic remarks) but is assaulted anyways. And when asked what happed he doesn’t want to tell El the details cause he’s ashamed .

2nd time the bullies talk about Will, Mike is once again in the forefront, unlike his straight friends who are in the background . But this time Mike initiates the confrontation), as the bullies say Will is “flying in fairyland with all the other little fairies. All happy and gay”. Mike was literally on the verge or tears at this comment (despite being happy a few moments earlier , telling the others to ‘act sad’ because they’d look suspicious other wise). But this is the comment where Mike snaps and pushes Troy back (because he took it personally/wanted to defend Will).

The framing of Mike once again being in the front and snapping at the homophobic remarks (these gifs don’t do it justice, just rewatch the scene -Mike eyes water at the remarks). Then the last time the bullies appear , Mike jumps off the cliff and “flies like a fairy” (like Troy said) thanks to El . Troy at the police station even uses the word “fly” not levitate.

- Mike proclaiming “I’m the only one who cares about Will!” Seems like something a kid with a crush might say ( because obviously his other friends care about Will). But he thinks he cares the most.

-Mike sneaking out to find Will, as Steve sneaks in to Nancy’s. They both even make eye contact (and pretend not to have seen each other).

- they share dinosaur toys , in s1 and 2 they appear to be the only ones with dinosaur toys.

- The s1 mom hug scene where Mike feels he lost Will is paralleled in s3 - signifying how he lost him a 2nd time.

- Mike in the 1st ep being the one to insist on looking for Will in the rain (callback to s3). But he never went looking for El when he saw her through his window? Even when Mike saw Will’s dead body, the second he heard his voice he convinced his friends to help rescue him!

- You remember the binder (from s1) that Mike keeps, filled with 100s of Will’s drawings, and how he caresses the drawing after thinking Will was dead. That’s totes platonic.

- Will in all 3 seasons identifies as a wizard. But in s2 Mike (the paladin) says Will is a cleric. Meaning this reflects how Mike actually feels about Will. In d&d, they have similar moral values, powers, and generally need and depend on each other in the lore of d&d. Paladins have similar healing powers to clerics, but clerics have stronger healing abilities - which is interesting since Mike has always been viewed as the protector. But to Mike Will has helped him (maybe deal with the loss of El and other trauma) , just by being there. And if Mike says Will is a cleric,despite Will still identifying as a wizard in s3, it shows how deeply Mike actually feels about Will. It shows he views Will as one of the only people who understands him and views him as a healing presence and his moral compass.

“ strength of conviction gave many paladins a sense of common fellowship but did not always endear them to others. In many cases, paladins did not get along quite as well with other non-paladin adventurers, with the exception of clerics with similar beliefs.”

“A Paladin tries to hold to the highest standards of conduct, but even the most virtuous Paladin is fallible. Sometimes the heat of emotion causes a Paladin to transgress his or her oath (of honesty, courage, compassion, honor ,and duty). A paladin who has broken a vow typically seeks absolution from a cleric who shares his or her faith or from another paladin of the same order. After a rite of confession and forgiveness, the paladin starts fresh.

-Mike stands next to Will under the rainbow poster

- Mike forces Will to dance with a girl, but you literally see Mike’s shocked expression like ‘what,why’d I do that ?’ And after this, they show Dustin looking sad about Max/Lucas dancing and then they have Mike get into the frame (next to Dustin) and look sad when Will/girl are dancing in the same exact frame as Max/Lucas. As they switch between these 2 shots.

- All the mileven byler parallels or byler scenes were almost ALL initiated by Mike. If the parallels were meant to show a one sided love triangle (on Mike’s end). They would of made Will the instigator not Mike! Parallels can be watched here , start at 6:50)

-Mike initiated the “crazy together’ line- and in s3 he said ‘blank makes you crazy’. So subconsciously he knew the line had romantic connotations.

-Mike initiating the hand hold (with a zoom in shot) and in the show this is only done for romantic pairings. Also Mike being the one to initiate the ‘arm thing’ which is generally romantic. But in s3 , Lucas also does this, saying “I am spending quality time with my girlfriend’

-Mike saying, asking him to be his friend was the “best thing I’ve ever done”

-Mike constantly following Will around, asking if he’s okay or biking to his house to check on him. In s3 running out to chase Will to the garage and apologizing, and running into a storm to apologize a 2nd time.

YOU SEE A PATTERN! Mike is whipped! And is the one constantly chasing and pursuing Will, not the other way around! Before s3, people always portrayed Will as the (stereotypical- problematic trope of ) a sad-pinning-gay in a one sided love with Mike. It’s like people didn’t even watch the show (and just assigned tropes/stereotypes they wanted, that weren’t actually there). Will (probably too shy or scared to- because of homophobic taunts) never initiated a single byler moment- it was ALWAYS Mike!!! If people were actually objective, they would of thought it was Mike who was the one pinning! I talked about it here.

We literally only saw Will pine or be jealous in s3 when Mike was in a relationship with El/when they fought.

The cannon Spotify playlists

called ‘Mike’s basement beats’- These are character playlists that Spotify and St worked on together after s2.

-his first song is “small town boy” an 80s LGBT anthem about living in a small town and being queer and bullied. Every band member was openly gay.

-his 11th song is ‘don’t you want me’ from a “celebrate your gay pride” album

I’m not repeating my literal essays so here are the links to pretty much all my s3 byler meta. (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

- brief s3 mentions) it’s implied Will and Mike go on movie double dates all the time (right after he makes out with El). He celebrates the holidays (generally associated with introducing s.os) with Will/El. The breakup with El is treated comedically - and all Mike does is complain and burp on the couch. The byler breakup is serious (with the backdrop of rain)while Mike was visibly upset he hurt Will and apologized twice almost immediately . Running to the garage and then into the rain and banging on his door (s2 callback). The “it was the best thing I’ve ever done “ shed scene was shot purposely more romantic than the pool shed scene of “you’re the most important thing in the world to me”. The fact he think “blank makes you crazy”,and he used a similar line on Will in s2. The fact that Mike equates falling in love with girls as a part of growing up and his love for El as something “old people” say. While his affections for Will , he believes are childish (like d&d) and something he has to grow out of. The “I love her” scene was treated comedically. The last Mike/Will exchange vs Mike having his eyes open and not kissing El back . Not remembering he said “I love her”, and dismissing it as something he said in the heat of the moment. Mike looking back at the Byers house , then flashing to Will crying, than flashing back to Mike hugging his mom. Then those scenes having a monologue about not wanting feelings to change but how it’s inevitable.

Also we see in s3 (in El’s room) the return of the heart being propelled by a rainbow.

No hate, but I’m honestly flabbergasted when people think Mike is straight when he’s literally MORE queer coded than Will. Is it just my autistic brain seeing things as obvious, that others easily miss- or just people refuse to see it … or heteronormativity getting in the way?

gif credit : (not sure about the first 2, tell me if they’re yours so I can give credit), last 3 by eggogorgon , the last gif by cath-avery

#byler #byeler #mike wheeler

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bobbystompy · 7 years ago

Text

My Top 120 Songs Of 2017

Previously: 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

The one saving grace is we do have 12 fewer than last year.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs for an artist, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track; not the ultimate factor, but it typically makes sharing the music easier

Speaking of… each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check any or every out for yourself

Oh, also, off the suggestion of Mike Gilkes -- and a few others -- I made this whole thing into a Spotify playlist, which you can peep here (includes 114 of the 120):

Let’s go?

youtube

120) Big Sean & Metro Boomin f/ 21 Savage - “Pull Up N Wreck”

Some mediocre, listenable rap made by dudes who know a bit better (well, at least 2/3rds of them).

119) Maroon 5 f/ Future - “Cold”

This song makes me feel mostly nothing... but the first minute of the video does have some solid Adam Levine alone-in-the-car acting.

/oh my god it has 119 million views

This was a lot easier to enjoy when I assumed it went unnoticed. Bonus points for the Wu-Tang shirt at the end.

118) Bleachers - “Hate That You Know Me”

Closed out 2017 undecided as ever on one Jack Antonoff. Should we hate him for dating Lena Dunham? Somehow respect him more? Give him mega credit for his big time pop songwriting collabs? Or is that a ding? Is he a nerd or the coolest guy in the cocktail bar? I do not know the answers to any of these questions, and this song is merely OK.

UPDATE: THEY GAWN

117) B.o.B f/ T.I. & Ty Dolla $ign - “4 Lit”

Real bad song with a mindless/terrible/misogynistic chorus. Yet... something about professional musicians sitting in a room and coming up with “4 Lit” as some sort of escalated to catchphrase to “lit” is just hilarious.

116) Prophets of Rage - “Unfuck The World”

Sure, this hits a lot of the same beats as Rage Against The Machine’s “Sleep Now In The Fire” from 18 years ago, but in these increasingly polarized, political times, I welcome their voice.

115) Kacy Hill - “Like A Woman”

This song is so chill and ethereal that it seems almost unfeasible for my punk/hip-hop/XX chromosome havin’ ass to completely sync with its wave.

114) The Decemberists - “Ben Franklin’s Song”

What happens when pop indie teams up with the lyrical stylings of Lin-Manuel Miranda? Well, this. I’m not sure if The Decemberists drop f-bombs in any of their other songs, but it pleases me to think it only happened here.

113) Offset & Metro Boomin - “Ric Flair Drip”

Mostly here for the beat.

112) Hurray For The Riff Raff - “Hungry Ghost”

A cool song that’s hard to put into a box. Indie? Pop? Rock? Forget labels, just enjoy.

(Minus a few points for the low hanging “girl/world” rhyme)

111) Wavves - “Dreams Of Grandeur”

I was pretty let down by the new Wavves LP, but this song sounds enough like the old stuff to be a net positive (despite being, like, 70 seconds too long)

110) Culture Abuse - “So Busted”

Culture Abuse got on my radar with last year’s all-timer, “Dream On”. It was an unrelenting, robotic pulverization. “So Busted” is more of a drug comedown; a ballad, even. While “Dream On” wanted to seek you out and kill you like a terminator; “So Busted” just wants a cuddle.

109) Trey Songz - “#1Fan”

This song is so dumb and funny and pseudo competent. Really not sure how the R&B guys get away with this shit.

108) The Killers - “The Man”

Is this in a movie? It should be in a movie. It’s kind of, like, a better version of what Arcade Fire has been trying to be.

107) New Lenox - “Protest Sweater”

A good song for the ending 2017 -- or any year, really -- and its run time (1:30) would make Joyce Manor proud.

106) Logic - “Everybody”

This is really good, but it reminds me so much of Kendrick that it becomes distracting.

105) Gorillaz f/ DRAM - “Andromeda”

Didn’t spend enough time listening to the new Gorillaz record, but I actually put the blame on them: it was long, man. So while I woulda loved to pick one of the songs with a cool cameo (hi, Vince Staples!), this is the one I actually had around the most. It’s all we’ve come to expect from this cartoon band -- kinda British, kinda futuristic, very undisturbed. Also, if it gets you back to the album before me, I heard that Damon Albarn told all collaborating artists to record their parts like the world was ending tomorrow.

104) Dropkick Murphys - “Blood”

If you know me at all, you know I historically have not been a fan of this band. But for whatever reason, this one connected -- bagpipes and all.

103) Captain, We’re Sinking - “Books”

CWS was never, ever going to top the falling-apart-desperation of 2013′s “The Future Is Cancelled”, but this song comes pleasantly close.

102) IRONTOM - “Be Bold Like Elijah”

My buddy Crooks rec’d this band, and the guitars give me Queens Of The Stone Age vibes in the best possible way. A bio on lastFM compared them to Arctic Monkeys, and you know what? I agree with that, too.

101) Jidenna - “A Bull’s Tale”

This song feels primed to explode and makes you wanna rip the shirt off your chest; only we don’t know if the bomb’s gonna blow in the middle or at the end.

100) Jeff Tweedy - “I Am Trying To Break Your Heart”

Yeah yeah, the original version of this dropped in 2002, and yes, it’s just a cover by the dude who originally sang it. I... do not care. It made me appreciate the confessional regret all over again.

99) Talib Kweli f/ Yummy Bingham & Jay Electronica - “All Of Us”

It was all bad just a week ago

Kweli and Jay Elect are a collab made in conscious rap heaven, so this song was more than a pleasant surprise.

98) Rise Against - “House On Fire”

This song could have been on “Revolutions Per Minute”. Or maybe I’m just saying that because of the hand grenade lyric in the chorus.

97) HAIM - “Want You Back”

Can’t imagine there being a lamer song on this list. HAIM and Bleachers should get in a wuss rock beef that ends with pistols.

96) The Bigger Empty - “By Its Own (So What)”

My producer plays bass in this band. This song is super solid, and, maybe most importantly in these completely divisive times, unoffensive and approachable. Kinda Hush Sound-y.

95) Little Big Town - “Lost In California” (note: link is to live version)

From the bros and broettes who brought us “Day Drinking” comes this much more subdued track. If you squint, it doesn’t really even seem like country. Granted, if they sang “Alabama” instead of “California”, you could probably call that claim out immediately.

94) Lana Del Rey - “Heroin”

Another beautiful/dreamy song from an artist who’s near-perfected that niche.

93) Wavves & Culture Abuse - “Up And Down”

Wavves and Culture Abuse have already made appearances on this list, and we haven’t even cracked the Top 80. Fortunately, their collaboration scored a little higher than their individual outputs. Shout out to their uplifting outro “I’ll just get high and I’ll die alone”.

92) The Chainsmokers & Coldplay - “Something Just Like This”

This song played at my gym all the time, and I was positive it was Coldplay. Then someone told me it was The Chainsmokers. Then I looked it up on YouTube, and it says “The Chainsmokers & Coldplay”... so what’s the deal, assholes?

91) Lil Peep f/ Lil Tracy - “Awful Things”

I hadn’t heard of Lil Peep when I found out of his passing in 2017. After looking up some pictures, I was nearly 100% positive his music was not for me. This was incorrect. I haven’t really listened to songs that sound like his; it’s kind of like rap that treads this line of being bad while also kinda sounding like alternative rock; destructive love song that doesn’t flinch.

90) AFI - “Dark Snow”

Nothing new, but Davey Havok can still sing circles around almost anybody.

89) Dashboard Confessional - “Love Yourself” (link is to live, partial version)

Well, Dashboard covered Biebs, and we all lived to tell the tale.

88) Garrett Dale - “2016 Was...”

This song would be a blast as a singalong in a late night hotel room. There’s something calming about celebrating -- or at least acknowledging -- everything sucking.

87) Katy Perry f/ Skip Marley - “Chained To The Rhythm”

Got more than a few issues with this song, but it’s catchy, so they’re mostly forgiven. Even though it’s Katy Perry, I was pretty surprised to see it racked up 444 million views.

And seriously who the hell is Skip Marley?!

86) The Ramblin’ Boys Of Pleasure - “Glug, Glug, Glug”

Now is probably a good time to plug the lead track from my band’s b-sides record that came out this year (ten years in the making, baby!). Mandatory listening if you’ve ever bonged brandy, partied in Champaign, or counted down in a country voice.

85) Charly Bliss - “Glitter”

It’s been nearly a year, but it’s still somewhat difficult to calibrate this singer’s voice. Is it a little too saccharine, too childlike, or just perfect? You be the judge.

84) Emperor X - “Wasted On The Senate Floor”

This singer is real god damn frenetic.

83) Father John Misty - “Total Entertainment Forever”

/obligatory “yes, this is the one with the Taylor Swift lyric” reference

FJM has such a pro’s pro voice and makes super sound music... but it’s also kinda hard to have an overall opinion. The more 50-50 I get, the more I think it’s not all that great. The video is a microcosm. Like... why is Macaulay Culkin paying Cobain? Is this a commentary on capitalism? Oooh, nah nah nahs are nice! As divided as I still am, I’m pretty positive this song is good-if-not-great.

82) St. Vincent - “New York”

This song is further proof that soft, radio friendly music can still benefit from a well placed “motherfucker”.

81) Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness - “Dead Man’s Dollar”

As long as Andrew McMahon’s project is called “Andrew McMahon In the Wilderness”, I will make fun of him like clockwork.

This song is nice. I sometimes sing “I want Thon Maker” when he says “I want to make a” in the chorus.

80) Kele Okereke - “Streets Been Talkin’”

Kele’s most impressive feat was sneaking “bae” right into the chorus without me noticing until literally right now.

79) Rick Ross - “Summer Seventeen”

How the hell did this dumbass song get so high up on the list? I have no explanation. Classic Roazy though -- aim high, fake it till you make it. When I started my new job in August, IT reset my password to “summer2017″, and I had this song’s hook in my head nearly every time I typed it in. All told, a pretty hilarious way to start a work day.

78) Michelle Branch - “Best You Ever”

This song sounds so dark and sultry, but I’m not totally sure why. Branch rules.

77) Calvin Harris f/ Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean - “Feels”

The best way to ruin this song for anyone is to point out how much the hook sounds like Katy Perry singing “Don’t be afraid to catch fish”.

76) Morrissey - “Spent The Day In Bed”

This is a very low maintenance lyric video. So you can either make fun of that or the “I spent the day in bed / I’m not the type, but I love my bed” line.

75) Red City Radio - “If You Want Blood (Be My Guest)”

The “We don’t need a god damn thing from you” chorus is a little punk cliche to win me over, but the Oklahoma City reference (”where our dreams come true and die”) is the line I’ve been waiting for since I found out RCR was from there.

74) Sam Coffey & The Iron Lungs - “Talk 2 Her”

The closest we’ll get to a new Clash song in 2017.

73) Bad Cop/Bad Cop - “Womanarchist”

Factoring in the 2017′s themes (#MeToo, Harvey dead, etc.), this has to be the song title of the year. I smiled ear-to-ear watching this music video.

72) The Movielife - “Mercy Is Asleep At The Wheel”

Hey, The Movielife reunited!

71) The Rocket Summer - “Gone Too Long”

Unlike that lazy ass Morrissey, The Rocket Summer gave us a lyric video that basically passes as a legit music video.

70) Miguel f/ Travis Scott - “Sky Walker”

Me, every time I listen to this song:

“Ooh, beat is pretty solid.”

“Ah yeah, the hook’s good. I thought I really liked this song though...”

/falsetto part

“AW YEAH.”

69) Queens Of The Stone Age - “The Way You Used To Do”

Had never known about the Josh Homme/Elvis comparisons, but after hearing this, I totally get it now. Also: god damn it, man.

68) Macklemore f/ Skylar Grey - “Glorious”

What can we do to make Skylar Grey more famous? She Ginger Rogers’d for Em on “SNL” -- seriously, she played piano and sung Dido, Beyoncé, and Rihanna hooks (that’s a solid ass trinity!) -- has unarguably awesome songs, and never takes anything off the table. I honestly don’t care if she has another hit... let’s just, like, all Venmo her five bucks or something.

One of my fav music videos on the list so far. Be as skeptical of Macklemore as you want, but when his grandma offers him a drink (haha) then says she wants to “do it all” with their day together, it warms the hearts.

67) Direct Hit! - “Blood On Your Tongue”

Direct Hit! continues to be the best modern version of Green Day, The Ramones*, and themselves.

(* - without being Ramones-core)

66) Boyd & The Stahfools - “Party Penguin”

I’ve been in the game for a long while, but, for the first time in my career, I finally was part of a music video. If you told me it was a 2Pac parody that advertised craft beer, I’d, well, I’d believe you. We got Dave Hernandez on the hook, Mike Healy as Dr. Dre, and yours truly as Makaveli.

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And all jokes aside, “On vacation like Bev D’Angelo” is one of my favorite penned lines.

65) Rancid - “Telegraph Avenue”

I like when Tim sings about grabbing his left-handed guitar.

64) Big Sean f/ Jeremih - “Light”

Sean Don made a forgettable 2017 album with many throwaway tracks -- but “Light” ain’t one of ‘em. I liked this song even before the touching video cemented its power.

63) blink 182 - “Parking Lot”

This is that weird mix of what makes all new blink really good and really eh at the same time -- Skiba involved (for better or worse), inspired Mark (for better or worse), and Travis’ overplaying (for better or worse). It’s for sure easier if you just turn your brain off and go with it.

Why does he reference Chicago in the verse then California in the pre-chorus?

I SAID “OFF”.

62) New Found Glory - “Your Jokes Aren’t Funny”

This song doesn’t break a ton of new ground, but it’s got this circular, easy chorus that keeps me coming back.

61) Teenage Bottlerocket - “Goin’ Back To Wyo”

Similar to Red City Radio writing about OKC, I can’t get enough of TB writing about their home. Did I blast this song while driving across the entire state alone this summer? Do you know me an ounce?

60) Frank Turner - “The Sand In The Gears”

A little dissatisfied with the current administration? Frank may be from across the pond, but he’s with you on this one, man. One of my favorite parts of this song is when he breaks the rhyme scheme just to angrily say “I thought that we were winning the war against the homophobes and the racists”.

59) Billy Bragg - “Not Everything That Counts Can Be Counted”

Billy Bragg is here for all of us, with perspective, wisdom, and insightful guidance in tow.

58) Dave Hause - “The Flinch”

Send this one to an old flame if you’re hoping, you know, to maybe rekindle.

57) Selena Gomez f/ Gucci Mane - “Fetish”

That’s right -- “Bad Liar” got beat out by this significantly less popular single featuring one of my least favorite rappers.

/looks up play totals

”Fetish”... 130 million

“Bad Liar”... 214 million

Comparably popular, I say! For me, this one is all about the chorus -- and that beat’ll get you swayin’.

56) Jay Electronica - “Letter To Falon”

‘Cause who gon’ save them babies? / And finally put a definite to all those maybes

Death, taxes, maybe death again, and Jay Electronica never releasing a full length album. Our man has been on Roc Nation for nearly ten years. I hate him so much. /anxiously awaits his next move

Jay Electricity in his zone on this one; so comfortable, in full operation within the confines.

55) Laura Jane Grace - “Adore”

I don’t know who Amy Shark is, but LJG covered her song and punted my heart into Lake Michigan.

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54) Russian Girlfriends - “Antidote”

Upbeat, direct song that starts kinda Metric-y with the riff but then gets more pop punk as it progresses.

53) Brian Fallon - “If Your Prayers Don’t Get To Heaven”

My fiancee laughed when I looked up how to play this song on the guitar and the guy who tabbed it out wrote “Typical Brian Fallon open chords” in the intro.

52) Cloud Nothings - “Enter Entirely”

If “Womanarchist” is the ‘best’ song title of the year, “Enter Entirely” is certainly the coolest. And please don’t let the very boring music video fool you -- this song gets after it, man. If you are a fan of rock music, it would blow me away if you found this song remotely objectionable.

(After seeing CN open for Japandroids on back-to-back nights this November, it feels criminal to have such a slow song represent the band, as their drummer is the Russell Westbrook of the indie scene. That dude does not tire and comes off as more machine than man.)

51) Conor Oberst - “Napalm”

Oberst released a 10-song album in 2016 that was super brooding and piano-y... then he released another album in 2017 (17 songs) that had every track from his previous record and seven new ones. Kind of a weird move, no? This is one of those seven; suffice to say it’s a little more upbeat.

50) Sorority Noise - “No Halo”

You could tell me this song came out in 2002, 2007, or both -- but not 2017. How is this not a time capsuled rival of Taking Back Sunday or My Chemical Romance? I don’t know, but if you like a lot of death, this one’s for you.

49) N.E.R.D f/ Rihanna - “Lemon”

Let’s lighten the mood back up with some RiRi rap. My buddy Crooks’ take: “That's how every 2017 hip-hop beat should sound.”

48) Kesha - “Praying”

It’s damn near impossible to talk about this song without talking about The Note. It occurs at 4:21, and it will make you a little faint.

Kesha dusts herself off and gets beyond empowered in this one. This song could legitimately soundtrack the entire #MeToo movement. When the drums kick in halfway through, you’ll be ready to fight back too.

When I’m finished, they won’t even know your name

47) The Smith Street Band - “Laughing (Or Pretending To Laugh)”

This soft, hopeful love song is almost *too* respectful when it comes to interactions with the opposite sex. I’m not sure there’s a more endearing 2017 lyric than “And I don't wanna marry you just yet / But at least let me get you a cider / And I don’t even think I’d have to pay for it / Hopefully there’s a couple left on the rider”.

46) Run The Jewels - “Legend Has It”

Whenever I think of this song, I will always have that image of El-P holding up that gun to the bunny’s head. This song is braggadocious, each line one-upping the previous in perpetuity. Man, they probably rule live.

45) Vic Mensa - “Say I Didn’t”

Vic Mensa's Roc Nation debut (CAN YOU HEAR ME AT ALL, JAY ELECTRONICA?!?!?!?!?!?) was real strong, and this one gives you a good taste of what he’s about. He’s intense but controlled and even gets a little soulful. And depending what sphere you come from, you’ll either be extremely more or extremely less interested after he drops a Weezer reference. If that gives you trepidation, maybe the Nate Dogg namedrop will reel you back in?

44) Kendrick Lamar - “HUMBLE.”

I like Kendrick Lamar and will always recognize his talent, platform, and body of work (there’s a real case to be made that his “Control” verse killed hip-hop, and it’s just been an animated zombie ever since). Having said that...

He doesn’t always make it easy. The all caps song titles, the weird high pitched flow, the massive reliance of “bitch” in his choruses... yet, he’s the same dude who begs for stretch marked butts and body positivity. I don’t know, man. By the time he hits the “I make a play fucking up your whole life” line, I’m nearly all the way back in.

Last complaint: that organ-y keyboard thing could be so much louder. The beat almost feels diet because of that decision.

43) PKEW PKEW PKEW - “Cold Dead Hands”

This song is about how you can’t freeze this band to death, because they’ll party their way out of the situation.

42) Weezer - “Any Friend Of Diane’s”

This song puts me in a trance; they sing the same chorus lyric a million times, and I still almost want more.

41) Taylor Swift - “I Did Something Bad”

If this song isn’t a hit in 2018, then I do not know anything. For as uneven and questionable as her new singles were, this song has none of that. By the time she’s rolling on the tremendously magnetic “over and over and over again” part, you’ll feel like it’s 2009.

Maybe the old Taylor is still alive after all.

40) Best Ex - “Someday”

What’s that, you want your pop with a lot less baggage? This song is currently at 1,042 views, which is further proof of no justice in this world. I remember grocery shopping with this in the headphones, and you woulda thought it was the happiest moment of my life by the expression on my smiling, dumb face.

39) White Reaper - “Judy French”

“There are no good new rock bands wahhhhh”

Nah -- you just suck at finding music when it’s never been easier in human history, I guess?

38) Anti-Flag - “The Criminals”

This band has always lived in this dramatic life-and-death world, and it’s been going on for so long, that it’s like their vision of what they were always rebelling against was willed into existence.

37) French Montana f/ The Weeknd & Max B - “A Lie”

My dislike of French Montana is so high that I sometimes think about having to answer for saying something heinous about him. Kinda like when Kevin Garnett was accused of calling Charlie Villanueva (who has alopecia) a “cancer patient.”

KG’s all-time response:

“I am aware there was a major miscommunication regarding something I said on the court last night. My comment to Charlie Villanueva was in fact ‘You are cancerous to your team and our league,’" Garnett said in a statement to the media on Wednesday.

Hahahaha.

French, you are a cancer to hip-hop and our league. His verse even references stupid Karl Malone, because why wouldn’t it? The good news is we have The Weeknd on the hook *and* in the first verse, so you can basically just pretend it’s his solo song with a few regrettable cameos.

36) The Penske File - “Oh Brother”

The Penske File make it look effortless sometimes. After hearing this song and doing a Malört shot with their singer, I have higher hopes than ever for their 2018 full length.

35) The Front Bottoms - “Don’t Fill Up On Chips”

TFB’s new album didn’t give me everything I wanted in terms of uptempo bangers, but the lyrics, sentiment, and craftsmanship are all still very much present.

34) Vince Staples - “Big Fish”

The Juicy J chorus might not win a Pulitzer (”I was up late night ballin’ / Countin’ up hundreds by the thousand”), but Vince is rapping invincible, and by the time the lyrics call back his monster single (“Norf Norf”), you won’t be questioning anything anymore.

33) Julien Baker - “Shadowboxing” (link is to live version)

I know that you don't understand 'Cause you don't believe what you don't see When you watch me throwing punches at the devil It just looks like I'm fighting with me

I swear, Julien Baker might be one of the only people on this planet with the power to shut us all up and listen.

32) Paramore - “Fake Happy”

Paramore is a band that does dumb shit all the time. Infighting, legal drama, horrible makeover after horrible makeover. Seriously, this is real:

But through it all, there’s that unbreakable Hayley voice, and it’s like everything is gonna be OK again. I mean, no, it’s not -- but let’s still enjoy these fleeting moments, full blown pop transition or not.

31) Nothington - “Cobblestones”

This song briefly sounds like Lucero before turning into no nonsense despair punk.

30) Lorde - “Perfect Places”

Such a phenomenal album closer; great to have her back in the pop music fold. Car, headphones, party, whatever -- this song goes all around you.

29) Remember Sports - “I Liked You Best”

If Kesha’s high note in “Praying” was pop music’s peak vocal moment in 2017, I’d like to nominate the “You made this me-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-hess” (2:37) part as punk’s.

28) Phoenix - “J-Boy”

This band makes such gorgeous music.

27) Drake - “Free Smoke” (no link)

Drake’s full album output, in minutes, for the last four years:

2013: 59 minutes 2014: N/A 2015: 108 minutes 2016: 81 minutes

And this doesn’t include stray singles, diss tracks, or cameos (2014 had “0 To 100″, for example). What I’m saying is, despite high quality material, Aubrey has saturated us with music for nearly half a decade. So even though I dig him lots, it was like “Really?!” when I heard he was releasing 2017′s “More Life” and “WHAT” when I found out it was another 81 minutes (the same length as 2016′s “Views”). Though the record is stylistically very different -- I keep hearing people use the word “grime”, though I have no idea what it means -- it’s still got bars. My favorite stray lines (they add up):

- “More life, more everything” - “I dunk text J-Lo / Old number, so it bounce back” - “Hilton rooms, gotta double up / Writin’ our name on a double cup” - “I fall asleep in sororities / I had some different priorities” - “Women I like was ignorin’ me / Now they like ‘Aren’t you adorable?’ / I know the question rhetorical” - “I make too much these days to ever say ‘Poor me’” - “I wanna move to Dubai / So I don’t never have to kick it with none of you guys”

But, it wouldn’t be Drake without making fun of him some. The song beings with, well, him sampling himself at an award show. The sample:

And more chune for your headtop So watch how you speak on my name, you know?

Which begs the question: did he do the weird Jamaican accent knowing he was gonna sample it? It treads this weird genius/calculated doofus line. All I know is it makes me laugh.

26) Tigers Jaw - “Favorite”

This song could make me pensive and unhappy on the sunniest of days.

25) Tee Grizzley - “First Day Out”

Like many, I first heard of Tee Grizzley from a LeBron James Instagram workout video. It was an easy sell: Detroit, ferocious beat, and the dude goes *hard*. I got a little too excited and emailed my hip-hop friends: “What the fuck is this? This is GOOD.”

This was before I realized he kinda sounds the same in every song. It’s no matter -- we’ll always have “First Day Out”, a brief time in June 2017 where I thought Tee Grizzley could be the next to run the game.

I can’t even be in public with my hoodie on

24) The War On Drugs - “Strangest Thing”

It’s very difficult to write about The War On Drugs without mentioning how transcendent it is to listen to them in the car. Everyone is right about that, but, for me, I also have to mention how much this dude sounds like Dylan. People say Springsteen, but I hear so much Bob. You don’t necessarily have to get “past” it, but you do kinda have to get used to it. Once you do, the lead guitar will carry you into the clouds. This music will make you contemplate and reflect.

23) Foxing - “Night Channels”

Let’s keep the mood contemplative; you almost feel sleepless if not completely locked in to this one.

UPDATE: This dropped in 2015, /sigh

22) Craig Finn - “God In Chicago”

This is more of a movie than a song -- and the visuals agree. Focus in on the lyrics, take in the story, and then do it again soon because you’ll catch new wrinkles each time. One of the year’s best videos, for sure. Punk News phrases it well: “Here he’s made a solo album of losers who have no idea they’ve already lost.”

21) DJ Khaled f/ Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper, Lil Wayne - “I’m The One”

No one wanted you to know he had sex in 2017 more than DJ Khaled. He made his infant son Asahd the “Executive Producer” for this video. Why? Because he’s an idiot. Khaled’s still existing fame continues to confound. He’s more faux-platitudes than man at his point. So why do the best artists in the world collaborate with someone so seemingly unintelligent? I don’t know, but this song bangs and was probably my Song of the Summer. We got JB on the hook, a dumb-but-amusing Quavo*, Wayne trying to gain footing, and Chance running across the finish line backward with Best Verse title belt. But Khaled won’t let you forget about him, blaring DJ tag and all. This song suffers for that, and it’s all his fault.

(* - his ad lib of just repeating everything becomes charming once you start to get Stockholm Syndrome with the song)

20) Ed Sheeran - “The Shape Of You”

What a 2017 for the man behind the year’s best (super successful) pop song. At the turn of the calendar, I barely knew who he was, but before we all knew it, there was a legitimate public outcry because he was on “Game of Thrones” for, like, two minutes. What a time. Oh, also, the “Come on, be my baby...” bridge gave me some “Real World: New Orleans” acid flashbacks.

Great meme, take us out.

19) Minus The Bear - “Last Kiss”

If the shattered neon heart didn’t give it away, this is a “the relationship is definitively over” breakup song. Seeing them play it at Riot Fest made me miss my late friend Luke; I wish he could have heard this.

18) Hot Water Music - “Never Going Back”

I’ve always maintained Chuck Ragan plays guitar and sings songs like a running back. Well, this song carpe diem’s me enough to play actual running back*.

(* - jk, would never do this unless it was against very small children)

17) Lucky Boys Confusion - “Good Luck”

My hometown heroes released their comeback album in 2017, and I’m not sure any track sums up the effort better. By the time Adam sings “Burned out, they call us / Screw ‘em, we got endless memories / Punk rock and the polish / I hope it gave you something to believe”, there are no dry eyes left.

(And yes, this could totally be an AM Taxi song, but with Ryan Fergus’ killer-fills-only drumming, I’m glad it wasn’t.)

16) Hodera - “Baltimore”

This song would likely have a Top 5 objective approval rating of any on the list.

...“The Wire” forever.

15) Iron Chic - “A Headache With Pictures”

It ain’t heavy, it ain’t heaven

If Hot Water Music is carpe diem, what is Iron Chic -- seize the life?! My favorite description of the band came from Sam Sutherland, who tweeted: “Whose day has already been derailed by the unavoidably weighty introspection of listening to the new Iron Chic record.”

They are a certified run-through-brick-walls outfit. One of my final 2017 memories of this song was subtweeting “Now I know” the night I got engaged and having my buddy Ricky think she might’ve declined the proposal. May have to include a ring emoji next time.

14) The Flatliners - “Indoors”

Had to listen to this, like, five or six times before its brilliant greatness overtook me like falling into a river. The chorus is so, so heartfelt.

Don’t sleep on the video, either (especially the end).

13) Sylvan Esso - “Die Young”

Though I have tickets to see them for the first time in 2018, I am not mega-versed in the catalogue of Sylvan Esso. But this feels like their best song. Imagine if Romeo and Juliet turned out OK.

12) Oso Oso - “Shoes (The Sneaker Song)”

Jade from Oso Oso would likely want all of the above stylized in lowercase -- but this ain’t Jade’s list. This was my favorite new band of 2017, and I do believe they made the year’s best album. It’s early-2000s emo at times, pop punk at others, and all ear candy.

11) Sincere Engineer - “Corn Dog Sonnet No. 7″

Staying in the new artist lane, I proudly introduce Sincere Engineer. This band sounds like if Modern Baseball had a little sister. By the time singer Deanna Belos sings “I’m still learning how to be”, you want to pat her on the back and give her all your best advice.

Fantastic music video -- and she confirmed to me this past weekend that it’s real mustard, not puffy paint (“I have a towel that is all yellow from cleaning it up”).

10) new.wav - “Girls”

Alright, so stick with me on this: new.wav is the band, covering The 1975′s song “Girls” in the style of “Enema of the State”-era blink-182. Confused? Yeah, I was too, but check it out. Maybe more impressive than the arrangements/performance is how they were able to match blink’s production style -- no easy task.

9) Jay-Z - “Family Feud” (starts around 5:30; partial version)

Shawn Corey Carter wants to get right with everyone -- America, his peers, and, of course, within his own home. And though I may never understand the “New n****s is the reason I stopped drinkin’ Dos Equis” lyric, I’m on board with about all else. Similar to the Oso Oso record, “4:44″ is such an album that it feels unfair to single out a song to represent all of its parts. Stripped from the LP, the song does not hit as hard, but in the groove of the record, it’s the apex. And despite Hov seemingly desiring peace, the song does have more than a few call outs:

- “My stash can’t fit into Steve Harvey’s suit” - “And old n****s, y’all stop actin’ brand new / Like 2Pac ain’t have a nose ring too” - “Al Sharpton in the mirror takin’ selfies / How is him or Pill Cosby s’posed to help me?”

In the latter stages of his career, it’s hard to call everything Jay does ‘necessary’, but “4:44″ definitely checked that box.

8) Rozwell Kid - “Wendy’s Trash Can”

Vacillated all year between this one and “Michael Keaton” and literally flipped a penny my cousin Maggie loaned me to decide. “Wendy’s Trash Can” was heads.

7) The Weeknd - “Reminder”

This one got backdoored in as a latter single from The Weeknd’s 2016 album. One of my favorite parts about Abel is how little he has had to change to succeed. Sure, it’s silky smooth, but he hasn’t sacrificed the drugs, darkness, or ego that should offend (but doesn’t because it he pulls it off so well). After bragging early in the song about he won a kids award for singing about cocaine, he calls out peers for biting his sound, blings out his entire crew, and, well:

When I travel 'round the globe, make a couple mil' a show And I come back to my city, I fuck every girl I know

/clutches pearls

6) The Bombpops - “Be Sweet”

The guitar riff in this song is why I fell in love with punk music. Also, super cool story behind the lyrics:

“'Be Sweet' is an homage to our dear friend, the late Brandon Carlisle of the band Teenage Bottlerocket," vocalist Jen Razavi told AP. "Back in 2010, we were partying in a hotel room with Brandon and Ray Carlisle. There was a guitar in the room and Brandon was showing us an idea he had for a song. He had written it for his wife, but he told us we should play it and change the lyrics to 'getting rad with my boyfriend.' He wrote down all the lyrics on four sheets of hotel notepad paper. Since then, the melody and the chord progression were forgotten, but I still had the lyrics. So we wrote our own version of the song in the studio and used every single lyric that Brandon had written down.

Did I mention the video has an “In Bloom” feel? Stop reading, go listen.

5) Action Bronson - “Let Me Breathe”

Action Bronson ain’t givin’ nothin’ up. This is my pick for rap song of the year. It’s got TV brags (”I got two shows, I’m about to pitch another”), a tight chorus (”Let me breathe for a minute / White Range Rover blowin’ trees all in it”), and whimsy shit too (“Honey bouncin’ up and down, she nearly broke my dick”). Ghostface’s disciple is having more fun than just about anyone.

4) Japandroids - “North East South West”

Only a Canadian band could get me to care this much about my own country. The Vancouver duo penned an Americana ode to the road -- but there’s a twist... they talk about their cities too. For every New Orleans, there’s a Toronto. For every California, a Vancouver.

Maybe they’ll be the ones to end all the border wars.

3) Alex Lahey - “Every Day’s The Weekend”

This is the only submission on the list I’d feel comfortable calling a perfect song. Relatable themes, a chorus that’ll tangle you up, f-bombs in all the right places, and every part maximized. She has this way of weaving between cool confidence and youthful insecurity, all in the matter of one verse.

2) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Cut To The Feeling”

When it comes to “Call Me Maybe” and its legacy, I do not fuck around. This song gets really, really, really close. Just watch this dude.

Queen Carly blessed us with another one. The chorus soars, arms go up, and clouds are your closest companions.

1) The Menzingers - “After The Party”

It's the little things my mind commits / To etch behind my eyelids

When this song dropped, my buddy Dave Rokos called it his favorite Menzos song ever. That felt like high praise, but man, he might be dead on. “After The Party” rips me in half with its lyrics of palpable desperation:

Like a kaleidoscope in vibrant hues I navigate around your tattoos Said you got that one on a whim when you were breaking up with him And that Matryoshka Russian doll That lines your shelf from big to small What a way to start anew To shed your skin and find the old you

If Carly’s chorus flies, this one holds us down like gravity. You feel everything, you feel nothing, you feel full yet voided, but after all of this -- the life, the party, the friends, the bars, the experiences, the nights, the lights, the fights, the city you live in -- it’s still her and you. Or him and you. Or whatever it is you come home to at the end, when it’s finally quiet.

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willowbg-consumption · 7 years ago

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Day 6: January 21st, 2018

For some reason whenever I write the date I always want to put 2016. That was 2 years ago. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but at least I can correct myself.

The first thing I did today after waking up is spend 45 minutes on Tumblr. I found it really hard to get out of bed and get moving today, despite it being noon. My depression is getting pretty bad, so it’s good that I have an appointment with my psychiatrist soon. This media consumption would be culture because it’s something I do for fun, and mostly has things of pop culture on it.

I did manage to get out of bed today and get food. The first thing I ate was a peanut butter cookie that was expired that I had gotten from work. It was okay. Nothing super special, but it was able to satisfy my hunger. I also went to Sencha Tea Bar because my roommate wanted to go, and I thought I probably should get out of the house. I ended up getting a large iced black tea with cherry flavoring which cost $6, and I’m still drinking it now. It’s alright to treat yourself to some good tea every once and a while. I also had the Goldfish crackers I bought from work the other day for “lunch”. I have too many containers of Goldfish in my possession. SOS. For “dinner”, I had a chocolate chip granola bar that I bought in like October at target. I also had some Fisher’s honey roasted peanuts that I bought in the beginning of the school year and my (probably) expired Tostitos tortilla chips. So my food and beverage consumption didn’t stop there. I also had some BOP AKA Banana Orange Pineapple juice AKA the best juice ever straight out of the carton because I didn’t want to have to wash a cup.....and maybe I also had some Mike and Ikes (I did). I have really bad eating habits apparently. My food consumption would be labelled as economy because I spent money on a drink, but the rest of the food I ate was all from my food closet. (That sounds really weird, but I really do have a food closet).

A large portion of my day was spent on homework. I have a reading presentation for Design and Discontents, which I have been working on here and there. I read the readings on Friday, so now it’s just a matter of taking that information and putting it into slide format, as well as writing notecards on it. Also, I have to do 20 Business card sketches for my Text and Image class. I’ve done about 11, but I’ve been having problems coming up with new ideas. I’m sure I’ll finish them eventually. Future Willow here, saying that I have gotten all of the sketches done, but now I need to do the information sheets for ten of the designs. I’m going to save that for another day, though. For this homework consumption, I would classify it as society, since it’s part of getting a good education (which is expected by society), but also design, since a large portion of it was sketching.

While doing homework I’ve been listening to music through Spotify on my computer. I’ve kind of been jumping through lots of different genres (mostly pop, rap, and EDM), but I think I’ve settled on listening to Logic (rap) and Timeflies (rap/EDM) for now. When I was walking to my fraternity meeting I listened to my EDM playlist and I listened to the same playlist on the walk back. I really like walking to places because the weather is not bad and it allows me to listen to more music. My music, as always, would be classified as culture, as it’s something I do that makes me happy and my music taste makes me unique 😊.

I’ve had to spend a lot of money today on big things, and it’s kind of scary to me. I had to pay $100 for dues for the Fraternity that I’m apart of (APX). That part is not so scary. I also had to pay rent for my apartment, which is another $800. That’s a little scary, but I pay it every month, so it’s not so bad. What is really scary to me is spending over $1,000 to pay hospital bills. Long story short I had issues with one of my medications in November and my now ex boyfriend called to have a wellness check on me, which ended up putting me in the hospital overnight. I don’t even know how one night in the hospital (It wasn’t even 12 hours that I spent there) ended up costing me over $1,000 with insurance. It’s actually kind of messed up, but I have no choice but to pay it. This money spending, is obviously economy, as it has to do with spending money. That’s pretty much half of what an economy is.

For television, I watched the web-series Good Mythical Morning. I had missed their Thursday and Friday episode, so I caught up on that. I also used my cable streaming app on my computer to watch America’s Next Top Model. It’s honestly really trashy. I think the only reason I watch it is because I used to watch it when I was little and obsessed with reality TV. (I was a really strange child). Looking back on my consumption habits for TV, I do watch a lot of really bad reality television. I need to find something good on TV to watch that isn’t reality TV ASAP. Like, what am I doing with my life with watching all of this bad reality TV? I also watched more reality tv, but this time it was 2 episodes of the show Catfish. Like before, this TV consumption would be culture because it’s something I (unfortunately) enjoy watching.

#Day 6 #Consumption

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stevenvenn · 7 years ago

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Steven's Nifty 50 of 2017 - Albums #50 - #41

It's that time again and I'm not disappointing you. Here are my favourite albums of 2017 starting with albums 50 - 41 (of 50). These are in no particular order just how I saw them relating to each other. Doing a true countdown would be too nerve-wracking. You can listen to my favourite cuts from each of the albums on Spotify and watch them on YouTube (links below). You can also read my thoughts on the albums below the links broken into 5 posts counting down by 10s. Enjoy and feel free to comment.

Spotify playlist:

https://open.spotify.com/user/stevenvenn/playlist/7qSpcgdwXuoLtIStRQeRto?si=09LiErQ9QwCONq0XEfG91Q

Youtube playlist:

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqUMf7mP_mnMOmDl94VCPIJPFliPf62a5

NOTES

41. Four Tet - New Energy (Text Records)

Kieran Hebden is back in 2017 with another beautiful collection of rich samples, zen beats, and incredible melodies that make this album, on his own Text Records label, a startling release. Incorporating small sounds of birds, countryside, and other natural sounds Hebden makes this more of a meditative headphone listen than an upbeat groover (but then that's what we've come to expect from Hebden this many albums in). There's something of the gentle grace of Boards of Canada and the 90s ambient of Aphex Twin in the retro electronics and economy of well-constructed layers. The dulcimer on "Two Thousand and Seventeen," steel drums on "Lush," and kalimba on "You Are Loved" as textural examples carry us along on their magical long loops as dreamy, marshmallow-y, and tiny synth stabs throb and dissipate over top of low tempo percussion samples. The looped melodies often create a rhythm all on their own in a lot of the songs. The meditation album session wraps up with the pulsating zen bumper "Planet" incorporating temple bells, spacey moog, and Japanese string samples. Nothing especially new here but there is a simplicity and organic quality that Hebden has really carved out over his career. This has helped him maintain his status of one of the best in electronic music.

42. Bonobo - Migration (Ninja Tune)

Another artist Simon Green has, like Four Tet, been exploring the confluence of soothing organic sounds, acoustic instrumentals, and world music with a infectious glitchy rhythm that crosses into low-key jazz textures at times. Here we have kalimba, harps, and other African instruments crashing into soft meditative synth pads. This might the most "easy listening" album by Green in his discography (not meant as a slight). The use of smooth singers like Rhye's Mike Milosh make Migration a truly chilled out affair and one of the most tranquil and relaxing listens yet.

43. Indian Wells - Cascades (Friends of Friends)

Italian producer Pietro Iannuzzi returns with a meditative collection of intricate and clean-sounding techno complete with beeps, blips, and bounces that all flow together beautifully like a dreamy electronic river. The sounds are all very colourful and bright and deliver a hypnotic and mesmerizing quality overall. There's a certain feeling of travel through music here as if by train, boat, or plane in sped up montage expressing the look of a well worn and stamped passport. Also you can't help think of the natural world of sights and sounds with song titles like "Alps" and "Forest Hills." There is a sound akin to Pantha Du Prince and other electronic producers who take you on a journey both within a song and over the course of an album and Iannuzzi's is no exception. The title track "Cascades" and the album as a whole embodies that impression of flowing falls, sounds continuing to rush by as you sit beside and get carried along by rapid beats and sounds.

44. Bing & Ruth - No Home of the Mind (4AD)

The project of composer and producer David Moore No Home of the Mind is his first on the exclusive label home for all things arty on a grand scale, 4AD. It's a dreamy and melancholy release of repeated piano notes that move along with the rhythm of a train on songs like "How It Sped." There's an emotional quality to Moore's playing that recalls other composers who cross over into the ambient and electronic genres like Max Richter and Brian Eno. Alongside all the thought-provoking and mesmerizing piano drones and repetitive phrases are various textures provided by synths and samples. What Moore's newest release also resembles too me at times is the soundtrack work of Michael Nyman. Indeed a lot of No Home of the Mind feels very cinematic.

45. High Plains - Cinderland (Kranky)

No year end check-in would be complete without a release by Scott Morgan (aka Loscil) who has released some of my favourite minimal electronic albums over the years. Following on the heels of his excellent release Monument Builders as Loscil, Morgan teams up with classically trained cellist Mark Bridges as High Plains for an album inspired by a small town in the Wyoming mountains. This a very wintry and melancholic affair with incredible depth from both collaborators with Morgan effectively laying the musical groundwork for Bridges' solemn and isolated cello sound. There's a bit of a modern twist on chamber music here that feels like a bleak winter scene from a prairie noir. At the same time there's a touch of Tangerine Dream to the pulsating electronic beds by Morgan that can't help but create images of open nocturnal spaces and thrilling mystery in the listener's mind.

46. Slow Meadow - Costero (Hammock Music)

Matt Kidd and his moving chamber ensemble and sound project return with a sophomore album of inventive, soaring, and melancholy compositions. There's a feeling of recalling past memories forever clad in amber with a patina of sadness. This pensive quality pervades the whole album but it's not so much sorrowful as accepting of memories as just the sometimes darker side of life broken up by moments of grace and sunlight. There's a really intimate quality to Kidd's compositions that describes a lot of emotion and depth just below the minimal musical surface.

47. Sarah Davachi - All My Circles Run (Students of Decay)

Vancouver-based ultra-minimal drone composer Sarah Davachi's albums always sound more like feeling you get walking around an art gallery looking at Mark Rothko paintings than following any kind of distinct rhythm. Many of the compositions here are in fact beatless and made of minimal mesmerizing drones for strings, piano, organ, and voice. In a similar way to Rothko, the simplicity is deceiving at first but if you spend time with his work you can see a lot of emotion and depth unfolding after prolonged exposure. Musically Davachi is Rothko's compositional kin. The seemingly isolated and lunar soundscape of "For Voice" takes its cues from haunting classical vocal pieces like Ligeti's "Lux Aeterna" best known as the music used to set the mood of the moonscape portion of Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey. The very minute variances in the drones here lend Davachi's pieces a feeling of nordic temperature and desolation as well with the glacially paced tonal whispers reverberating in the listener's mind long after the song has ended. There's a real sense of the importance of the smallest of variation having incredible impact.

48. Ryuichi Sakamoto - async (Milan)

The Japanese composer musical artist has been creating stunning works for 40 years or more and after a battle with cancer years ago he has released his first solo work in 8 years after being busy with other sound projects and working on the soundtrack to The Revenant. async is a literal soundscape to float within comprised mostly of soaring background retro synths, field recordings, spoken word, and occasional appearances by Sakamoto's solemn and haunting piano. The inspiration for this release was creating a soundtrack for an imaginary Tarkovsky film. You can really feel how Sakamoto interpreted the pace and experimentation of the Russian film master. There are art sound experiments that are very cinematic like the excellent "disintegration", "walker" and "full moon" that sound like art installations. The title track is a captivating piece that wouldn't be out of place as an experimental dance piece full of chilling percussive attacks on instruments. Sakamoto has always pushed the boundaries of music as a "visual art" and the moods and impressions that async provides are incredible.

49. Hotel Neon - Context (Fluid Audio)

The Philadelphia-based trio have created here an incredible sea of sonic texture that you immediately immerse yourself in and float. All the song titles are reflective of either the times they seem to have been made perhaps (early am) or perhaps reflect Hotel Neon's desire to describe the feeling and headspace you would be in at those times, either dreaming, in hypnogogic states, or walking in the early hours of a cold morning with streetlight radiating and filling up the streets with soft orange light. There are no beats to Context just various realms of foggy and dense sound to step into.

50. Federico Durand - La Niña Junco (12K)

Hailing from Argentina Federico Durand set a very strict limit for his wonderful sophomore collection of songs that speak of the small objects in life and our memory of those precious moments that the objects take us to. There's a nostalgic sentiment to the weathered and dusty keepsakes from our younger times that make us smile when we consider them. So it is with Durand's improvised compositions here. The album was recorded in just one take, over a series of two days, using only Durand's aged and well worn Crumar Performer synthesizer and some loop pedals. The economy of instruments mirrors the economy of sounds but despite the feeling of "small" there is a lot of emotion and reflection to the songs on La Niña Junco. The melodies and pulses are minimal but the effect is intriguing. I feel like he's a bit of an Alexander Calder of electronic music here, creating simple but beautiful mobiles of fragile pieces, not of twisted bits of wire, but of quiet simple notes. Like Calder the motion of the parts is tranquil and effortless but incredibly reflective and beautiful. So much from so little.

#nifty50of2017 #stevenvenn #bestof2017

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postsfrmaninsomniac · 7 years ago

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Christmas Eve 2017: Just an update

Dear 12 year old... me,

It’s of those nights. Smoked 2 full bowls. Filled with emotions. Filled with stories, memories, tears, laughters, everything... I have Spotify Playlist playing “Down In The Dumps”. I just want to vent i guess. It’s been a while. There so much to talk about. This is your closure.

So, I started writing to leave things in 2017 in 2017. This in particular. This is about my best friend, Ye. Well, ex- best friend. I hope you’re doing okay.It’s been a while. I believe this upcoming April 2018 will be 2 years. Before 2017 ends I want to get this all out and finally move on. I will not let you hurt me anymore. So here it is, here’s your chapter in my life, but I’m ready to turn the page and read on. Ye, thank you for everything. We met 2013 in the Disney store. We were cast members. I don’t fully remember how we started talking, but I remember I wanted to talk to him to get to know him. Why? Because I had the biggest crush on him. Taylor thought he was the shit, but I really like Ye. He always stood so tall, he was well groomed, always smelt good, and the way he held himself. He is Filipino. I usually hate my own race, butt he was different. I started going to him with guy problems. Why? Because I didn’t want him to know that I was obsessed with him. We started to get very very close. Hanging out of work. I decided to join him in the closing team. After I joined the closing team Ye, Taylor, and I started getting closer. One night after a shift we all decided to go to Denny’s. Ye told us he was gay. I was crushed. Taylor saw it was an opportunity to come in. Btw, Taylor is a guy. “Straight” guy. They ended up making out in the back of my car. Then suddenly Taylor started to faded away. Then one day Ye calls me upset. Tells me that Taylor is pushing us away and that he is there for Ye when he needs him. So I stopped talking to Taylor. Taylor eventually left. So, it was Ye and I again. Of course my feelings came back. Yes, I know he already confessed to me that he is gay, but I could’t help it. He was the perfect guy. The guy I’ve been looking for so long. Steve was another closer that eventually joined us. So it was “The Three Amigos”. We always closed the store together and drove together. We went to events together. We would always hang out outside of work. They became my best friends. I was still love with Ye. I couldn’t help it. One closing day Ye, I was still a “new” closer. This was back when Ye, Taylor and I were close. So one day when Ye is showing me how to close I hear “YEEEEEE!” and Ye goes running across the store. I’m busy working on the wall. I didn’t want to stop. Ye then taps me on the shoulder to introduce me to JGJ. I remember seeing his eyes and his smile and I caught an interest. Fast forward a few months in November 2014. Ye tells me to go hiking with his and the “Disney Squad”. I told him no. I was just heartbroken through something I was going through. I was smoking so much. I would work late nights just to smoke after. All I did was smoke and hang out with Ye and Steve. Ye ends up convincing me to sleepover to smoke and drink. So I do and as I’m high Ye tells me were going hiking. That night I couldn’t sleep because Steve kept snoring and he was loud. So I beg Ye to take me home. I fall asleep in the car and then I realized we were picking up other people to go to the hike. JGJ meet and go to know each other. Few weeks after we continually go on hikes. We eventually exchange numbers. We start liking each other and our mutual friends push us to be together. So, we started talking. One day some of our other Disney coworkers call me to go drinking. Tell Ye to come with me. Our other coworkers don’t know he’s gay, but know that I use to like him. Also, they know that I am talking with JGJ. That night Ye and I ended up making out. It made me the first female he was ever kissed. The other coworkers were concerned and pulled me aside and told me not to fuck up my chances with JGJ. I told JGJ the next day. I told him, but I forgot what I said. Regardless, the reason why we kissed is because I wanted to kiss him. I still loved him, I was hoping that if I kissed him he would realize. We were talking about kissing and we both said we both good kissers. I looked to him and I said I was curious. So he said okay. We made out.I loved it. I felt love. He didn’t. It was just a kiss I guess. Months went on and JGJ ended up officially being together. JGJ and I started hanging out alone to spend more time with each other. Ye and Destiny (another mutual friend) was not happy about this. So, they both started to ignore us. I ended up fixing things with Ye, but because of the Disneyland incident in July 2015 JGJ and Destiny weren’t friends anymore. Ye and I fixed things. He told to stop spending too much time with JGJ. I agreed. Time passes, Ye and I are still best friends. JGJ is my love. One day, Ye asked if I could go out with him drinking. I told him yes. He didn’t get out until 12am and I was already in bed. I told him to come over and drink. He wanted me to go. I told him no. He tells me okay. He tells me he isn’t mad. So I go to bed. I wake up at 4am because JGJ comes into the room asking if I saw Ye’s snaps. I check my phone. First it’s a text from Ye saying “Don’t text me tomorrow. I’m okay.” So I check snapchat. His, to be exact. It’s all snaps of his drinks with captions like “I thought I had reliable friends.” “You say you’re a true friend.” and all that fun stuff. I fall asleep and I text him in the morning asking if he made it home okay and if he needs anything to call me. To make the story shorter, he ends up never speaking to me again. He blocks me off of Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, and phone number. Several months later, basically a few week ago, I see Ye in the mall. We make eye contact and don’t say a word. I see him a second time. I told myself if I see him again I will speak to him. I don’t see him again. I cry a bit to Mike (Also not Mike was in the mall with me at that moment). I tell Mike why I’m so hurt. Basically I was hurt because Ye never ever granted me closure. To this day I don’t know what happened. Mike ends up telling em that Ye was;t a good friend to begin with. Mike tells me I need to realize my worth before I keep losing myself to fake friends. This is where I’m at now. Yes I miss you Ye, but I’m ready to let you go. You were toxic to me. I couldn’t see it because I was in love with you. I’m happier now. My life has continually and will continue to go in the right direction. I don’t need you. I thought I did, but I don’t. I’m so much better without you. I hope life is trying you well. I hope you find love. I hope you’re to finally be yourself. Please, learn to love yourself.

Thank you Ye,

Me.

#closure #storytime

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tanmath3-blog · 7 years ago

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Influenced by Stephen King and Rod Serling, Sean Seebach has written three books: A Looking in View, Autumn Dark and Our Monsters Are Real: The Pig Man. When Sean isn’t writing or managing a wonderful barbecue joint with amazing people, he enjoys reading, cooking, and listening to rock n’ roll. He currently lives in Ohio with his wife, daughter, and son.

Please help me welcome Sean Seebach to Roadie Notes……..

1. How old were you when you first wrote your first story? I was probably in elementary school. I created a comic book with some “cool dude” who just did “cool things”. Cool things being riding a skateboard and hitting home runs, things like that. The first story was one called Blue Collar Diesel which I later named The Lake Shimmers. It’s terrible. I wrote that when I was 34. So I took the title Blue Collar Diesel and wrote a novella that better suited the title. It’s in my collection A Looking In View.

2. How many books have you written? I have written three books: Our Monster Are Real: The Pig Man, Autumn Dark, and A Looking In View.

3. Anything you won’t write about? Probably not. I tend to stick to what is called Quiet Horror. Nothing too graphic or obscene. That’s not really by choice. The story is the boss. I just try to transcribe what’s happening in my head the best I can.

4. Tell me about you. Age (if you don’t mind answering), married, kids, do you have another job etc… I was born in Lancaster, PA in 1980, moved to Columbus, OH around ’82. It wasn’t the best part of town, so I wasn’t allowed to leave the yard. At the time it was a bummer. Later on I realized being confined to just the front and back yard forced me to use my imagination. I could do (and be) whatever I wanted: a spy, a ninja, a jungle warrior, whatever. Then in 1988 I moved to Lithopolis, Ohio, population around 600 people. There, I could explore the woods and creeks, ride my bike, and go to The Wagnalls Memorial Library, which still stands and became the cornerstone for my development as a reader. I did my first book signing there in May of this year. It was surreal. I am married to a wonderful wife who supports me in every aspect of life. We have a baby girl and a son who just turned 2. I work as a restaurant manager by day/night, depending on my work schedule. Next to writing, cooking and working with fun people is one of my favorite things to do. I’m a very fortunate man.

5. What’s your favorite book you have written? I should probably say Autumn Dark. That book has gotten the best response from readers. But, in truth, because The Pig Man was the first it will always be special to me. I love the story, but it isn’t written as well as the others. Which to me is a good thing because it shows that I’m improving.

6. Who or what inspired you to write? I don’t really know who or what inspired me to write. I think it chose me. I had a desire to write in my mid-20’s but I didn’t have the courage to do it. I thought you were either hand-picked by God or were chosen by teachers at a young age. Maybe it was writer, director, screen writer, producer, and occasional actor Brian Koppelman. I found him on Twitter shortly after I gave up drinking three years ago. He had posted a series of Vines on his account. Vine was a service that featured 6 second video loops. Brian was giving people permission to create in the videos he made. I looked him up, saw his credentials (Rounders, Ocean’s 13, Solitary Man, among many others) and thought “Now, here’s someone who’s done amazing things and is telling people to go out and do it!” There are many videos and books out there that will say you must be some sort of special intellectual to be an artist. Those people are wrong and most are full of themselves, are bitter, and most haven’t accomplished much. Brian had. Following him then led me to The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron and The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. I was fortunate enough to have support in the beginning. Stephen King tweeted that he had a new story called A Death in The New Yorker and asked folks to comment on it. It was on their site and free to read. I thought, “Oh boy, who has the balls to critique it?” So I scrolled through the Twitter comments. There I found someone shamelessly self-promoting herself with a story she wrote called Alive. I read it and loved it. That person was Meagan Smith who then wrote as M.J. Pack. I reached out to her and we became fast friends. Shortly after she was hired on at Thought Catalog, an online publishing magazine. She asked to read my stuff. I sent her a cannibalistic story called The Best I Ever Had. She liked it and wanted to publish it. That gave me the confidence to crank out more stories. I’ve been writing regularly ever since. I owe her a great deal. She was kind of enough to write the Foreword for Autumn Dark which I’m very proud of. I’d like to collaborate with her one day. She’s a fierce talent. Also, during that time, author Tom Callahan befriended me. I reached out to him after reading his wonderful story called The Soldier, The Dancer, and All That Glitters from Dark City Lights, an anthology put together by the great American crime fiction author Lawrence Block. Tom and I emailed back and forth a lot. He read my stuff and encouraged me to write, write, write! He gave me advice and recommended a slew of books about writing to read. I owe him a great deal. And I continue to find support to this day. Author Lincoln Cole and I have become close over the years and he’s helped me in many ways. From creating a website to building a mailing list to formatting my books for self-publishing to finding cover artist (and author) M.N. Arzu to promotional tactics. He’s a good man and I also owe him a great deal. Just recently I did an interview with author Armand Rosamilia , also owner of Project Entertainment Network, for the Armcast Podcast. I also was invited in a flash fiction contest along with authors Stephen Kozeniewski, Gabino Iglesias, and Justin Bienvenue. Three big names in the horror community. Book reviewer David Spell has been in my corner since day one and I had the fortunate opportunity to meet him in Naperville, IL during Stephen and Owen King’s tour stop for Sleeping Beauties. And, now, this interview. Thank you, Becky! I’d also like to mention that since I’ve begun listening (and advertising) on The Horror Show with Brian Keene, a podcast dedicated to the genre, I’ve met all kinds of great people: readers and authors alike. It’s opened the door to many authors I was ignorant to before. It’s also highly entertaining. But none of this would be happening without the support of my wife. She’s my first reader, my Annie Wilkes, and I still like to make her laugh and cringe, and when I do, I know I have something worth publishing.

7. What do you like to do for fun? Watch movies. This year has been great for them. IT, Gerald’s Game, The Dark Tower, Baby Driver, 68 Kill. I’m really looking forward to seeing I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday by writer/director Mike Lombardo. The World Premiere is happening in Columbus, OH on October 20th at 2p.m. at Nightmares Film Festival. I also recently went on a hike with a close friend. No internet, no social media. Just us and nature. It was awesome to not only spend time with him, but to also disconnect from the world for a few hours. It’s something we’ll be doing regularly, weather permitting. I run on a regular basis. It keeps the head clear and helps me cope with stress. I also like to cook, try new recipes, and eat. All with balance. Dessert is okay if it’s not for breakfast. Sometimes. The most fun I truly have is building blanket forts, going to the park, and reading to my son. He likes flip books and monsters and dinosaurs. We read Harold and The Purple Crayon, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, The Little Blue Truck… Watching him develop has been the ultimate high for me. I recently bought a stack of books off Mike Lombardo. YA horror, Goosebumps, Eerie Indiana, that sort of thing, for my kids when they get older. Maybe they’ll dig them like I did.

8. Any traditions you do when you finish a book? I go to Starbucks inside of the Barnes and Noble in the town over from me and get a piece of Red Velvet Cheesecake (they sell Cheesecake Factory cheesecake) and a coffee. Then I daydream that thousands of people will rejoice in being so entertained by something I created! Then I get nervous and think my writing is garbage then I publish it anyway and buy ad space on the Horror Show.

9. Where do you write? Quite or music? I write in my office in our basement at a desk. I used to write everywhere but I found in approaching writing like a part-time job its best for me to have a designated place to work. Like, I’m clocking in for the day! Time to go downstairs and get busy. I do write to music. I have a writing playlist on Spotify with four composers: Chad Lawson (who creates music for the Lore podcast), Lena Natalia, Danny Elfman, and most recently, Jon Hopkins. Most of it is classical. I get too distracted when I write to music with lyrics. There’s a Twin Peaks playlist on Spotify that I sometimes put on as well.

10. Anything you would change about your writing? The only thing I would change about my writing is improving it. Early next year I’ll be attending the Borderlands Press Writer’s Bootcamp in Maryland. I’m also reading How To Write Short by Roy Peter Clark. Once I’m finished with The Dark Tower Series, I’m going to start reading all the authors I’ve discovered from The Horror Show. One, for entertainment and, two, I think it’s good to read books by authors from different backgrounds. It gives the mind a new perspective on the world and offers a different voice, a different way to tell a story.

11. What is your dream? Famous writer? From a writing perspective, my dream is to become a full-time writer. As Brian Keene describes it, the main source of income. Now that I’m 37, the dream is to live long days upon the Earth (Dark Tower reference) with my wife and for us to raise our children to be loving, caring, responsible adults who follow their passion. Famous writer? No. Keep the fame. But I’ll gladly accept huge royalty checks!

12. Where do you live? A small town in Ohio. Surprise!

13. Pets? One dog, Chloe. She’s a German Shepherd. We took her in after my mother-in-law passed on. She’s great with the kids and patient with us.

14. What’s your favorite thing about writing? There’s a moment when I transcend into a story. The more I write, the more that happens. I’ll go back and polish what I wrote the previous day, sometimes not remembering certain lines that I had written. Sometimes I find myself next to the characters, oblivious to my surroundings. Sounds crazy (maybe it is) but it’s true. Writing makes me feel alive, as cliché as that sounds. It enriches my life. Also, one of the most rewarding things about it is when someone reaches out to tell you much they appreciated something you’ve created. That’s special. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s very touching.

15. What is coming next for you? A book called An American Monster. I won’t get into details because it’s not finished. I’m superstitious and if you’ve read anything I’ve ever wrote then you’ll know that I need all the luck I can get.

You can connect with Sean Seebach here:

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Sean-Seebach/e/B01CUT2JMK

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/seanAseebach/

Website: https://www.amazon.com/Sean-Seebach/e/B01CUT2JMK/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1507564303&sr=8-1

Twitter: @seebach_sean

Some of Sean Seebach’s books:

For more on the people I’ve mentioned, here are links to their work: Meagan Smith (M. J. Pack) https://www.amazon.com/M.J.-Pack/e/B00O5APGTQ/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1507563809&sr=8-1 Tom Callahan https://www.amazon.com/Dark-City-Lights-York-Stories-ebook/dp/B00USBMIMY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1507563913&sr=8-1&keywords=dark+city+lights Brian Koppelman (no link. Just watch Billions on Showtime!) Lincoln Cole https://www.amazon.com/Lincoln-Cole/e/B00AUIOU3A/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1507564263&sr=8-2-ent M.N. Arzu https://www.amazon.com/M.-N.-Arzu/e/B013C7XY6O/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1507563985&sr=1-2-ent Armand Rosamilia https://www.amazon.com/Armand-Rosamilia/e/B004S48J6G/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1507564017&sr=1-2-ent Stephen Kozeniewski https://www.amazon.com/Stephen-Kozeniewski/e/B00FFLC5Y8/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1507564054&sr=1-2-ent Gabino Iglesias https://www.amazon.com/Gabino-Iglesias/e/B00AEBI0T8/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1507564085&sr=1-2-ent Justin Bienvenue https://www.amazon.com/Justin-Bienvenue/e/B072F3QYGW/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1507564119&sr=1-2-ent David Spell https://thescaryreviews.com/ Sean Seebach https://www.amazon.com/Sean-Seebach/e/B01CUT2JMK/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1507564303&sr=8-1 Getting personal with Sean Seebach Influenced by Stephen King and Rod Serling, Sean Seebach has written three books: A Looking in View, Autumn Dark and Our Monsters Are Real: The Pig Man.

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