#i sound like a broken record but i WILL finish this one soon i actually really like it

[just-call-me-by-yn]

TORNADO WARNINGS - spencer reid

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader Content warning: angst, first person pov (most of the fic), swearing, y/n used twice, micro mention of typical CM violence Word count: 2.4k Summary: years pass, but the love you have for Spencer doesn’t disappear. Even though he left you a long time ago and you haven't talked since… until now. a/n: my first truly angsty fic so please be gentle with me. I was playing with this concept for a while and finally got the courage to sit down and finish it recently. hope you like it!! 🤍

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and I came to the conclusion that love is like a flower, it dies over time. But what if the hypothetical flower would be fake? What if it was made out of plastic or some other durable material? That would be true love. One that’s everlasting.

“When the last flower dies, I’ll stop loving you” he said with a shy smile passing me a fake flower bouquet. “I– JJ said it would be more romantic to give you fake flowers and say that phrase instead of giving you roses or some other fresh flowers, so I just-”

“They’re perfect, but just so you know, I will have to throw them away if they’ll die.” I replied, my tone was playful in hopes that it would calm his thoughts, which I simply knew were running at sonic speed.

The flowers made out of plastic lose color with time, the vibrance of the petals washes away and the pigment of the leaves turns into a gray-ish tone of green. But the reminder of what used to be great and strong, colored and saturated is still there.

My hand reached for the blend of fake flowers, a grimace appeared on my face. It’s been years since I’ve even talked to him. The thought came to my mind of how I shouldn’t feel this hurt after over half a decade from the break-up. I am well aware that I shouldn’t keep the flowers, not even when they bring me comfort on lonely nights, smiles on awful days, just to make me uncontrollably sob later. I know it isn’t healthy. They were the sign of empty promises. Lovely words from a liar's mouth. But I still couldn’t push myself to take them off the shelf. Throwing them away would also mean that my part of the promise would be broken as well, and I just needed that safety net to keep up the peaceful state of mind. They didn’t die yet. Sure, maybe a couple of leaves have broken off and the petals started to tear, but the fake plant was still mostly intact.

My heart didn’t feel like it was going to be mending any time soon. I wasn’t obsessing over Spencer, but when I had a rough day at work, I used to put earbuds in and play any old voicemail recordings he had left for me. The most beloved one was of him telling me how proud he was of me. It was recorded after I announced that I got promoted.

“It’s not going to work out” he muttered under his breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I am not interested in seeing you anymore.”

My whole body froze. Did I hear him properly? Was this a nightmare or maybe a cruel joke?

“Excuse me?” the question came out of my mouth faster than I could process it.

“I am sorry, it’s not because of you, it’s me. I just can’t continue this relationship.” he looked everywhere but not at me, which felt like opening a wound that hasn't had any time to heal.

All I could do was choke out a weak, surprised laughter as I blinked away the tears.

“It’s so cliché. You can hear it in most romantic movies.” my voice sounded like it didn’t belong to me, oddly strange.

“Actually according to Merriam-Webster the phrase was originated by Zachary Spence in a newspaper as a sporting reference, though it morphed into a break-up line in 1991, but it was widely popularized in 1993 by– what?” he answered finally giving me his attention, confused as why I couldn’t stop looking at him, but I was taking every second to let his image sink into my memory.

“It’s just that- I’m going to miss your constant rambling, the oversharing” The corners of my mouth twitched as I tried my very best to smile, even if it hurt like hell.

And I do, still, after six years, going strong with a hollow chest. The moment I took off the ring of my finger felt like a punch in the gut, though a little piece of me knew that he wouldn’t leave me without a strong, fundamental reasoning.

Now, every time I read an article about god knows what I keep asking myself: does Spencer already know that? What I tell myself, is that he is a walking encyclopedia, of course he would know. But I shouldn't care, right?

My friends repeat “life goes on” like a mantra, and my parents say “it’ll get better”. But it’s not that simple.

Not when we were planning our future together and all of a sudden it gets thrown, like pawns off the checker of a chessboard. Game over. Start again. Good luck next time… with someone else.

Of course our relationship wasn’t perfect. Though constant worrying probably has reduced my life expectancy by a long run, I would gladly rather live less with him by my side than spend eternity without him.

Then a sudden knock at the door shredded all the thoughts that occupied my head, just to replace them with a question of who could it be? It was already getting dark out early and chilly rain was hitting the windows, quickly running down the glass panes, making a calming sound.

I took one… two… three careful steps out of the bedroom, another five to the front door. My fingers touched the cover of the peephole that I was instructed to set up by Reid when I was living in my former apartment. His story about a 'murderous peeping Tom' case (which was my name for it) got stuck in my mind, so this item was the last thing I took from my old place and the first thing I installed in the new home.

A quick stare through the viewer made me stumble backwards, turn around from the door just to cover my mouth with a shaky hand and place the other arm around my stomach. Suddenly I felt the heat run through my body, that couldn’t contrast more with the weather outside. I felt sick. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and before I could regret the decision I was about to make I unlocked and opened the door.

And there he stood in all his glory though his face was drained of emotions, he had dark circles under the eyes and a shadow of stubble, quite honestly he just looked like he had seen better days. But it was still Spencer.

“How did you–”

“Garcia.” I nodded at his response. “May I come in?”

As a silent invitation I just moved away from the door frame letting him pass me in the threshold. I could feel my hands begin to tremble, my nostrils started flaring and then there was a bitter taste caused by his presence, that somehow felt like venom in my mouth. All I was thinking of at that moment was that I couldn't hold it in any longer, and that the best outlet I could think of was the door, which I slammed as hard as my strength would have let me. A loud thud filled the apartment making Spencer flinch and his hand to fly to his chest almost instantly.

“How fucking dare you, huh?” I blew up.

It was weird how quickly my emotions could change. I didn’t know that I could be this sour, until the time I heard him speak, telling me that his friend from BAU basically stalked me down, for him to walk right into my safe haven, and make all the ghosts of memories disappear and for him to stand there, flesh and blood.

“You have to hear me out. Please." He was very hurt, I could even hear it in his voice as he pleaded, but it didn’t make sense to me. At least not at first, not until he explained it to me later.

“Spencer, you broke up with me, and that was years ago. What? Did you come by to get a cookie for breaking my heart? Like goddamn it.” I was clenching and unclenching my hands, open hand to fist, again and again.

“Let me explain,” he pinched the bridge of his nose, as if the words he was about to speak were slowly causing him a headache “It wanted to protect you, and I am sincerely sorry for hurting you. You have to understand that it was all for your safety. It wasn't my intention to cause you pain.”

“What are you even talking about?” my anger was slowly washing away to let the confusion take its turn.

“I had too. There was this one unsub, when we started getting in his way he decided to target the people who were close to us . I got worried when he-” he paced around the room and he looked like he was struggling with what words to use to make it all make sense.

“When he what?” I demanded an answer.

“We found his letter addressed to us and you were on the list. It was a hit list. Breaking it off with you was the only idea I had besides trying to have someone watch over you when I couldn’t. If I told you, you would have been trying to find another way to make it work. I know you, y/n. You would try to fight and risk your life. I couldn’t let you be so reckless”

“And what took you so long to tell me about it? It’s been years” I grabbed my shirt right around the collar and crinkled it in my first. My heart was burning in an unknown sensation, that was something I couldn’t describe. I wouldn't be able to do it even now.

“He was on a run for all those years. Just leaving breadcrumbs. We finally got him a few weeks ago,” His eyes were looking everywhere but mine and it felt like agony, though it didn’t cut deeper than betrayal. “y/n you have to know I did it all because I care about you, and it hurt me as well.”

“You know, I never… never truly found anyone, I couldn’t move on and it’s all because of you. It’s because you wrecked me Spencer. Ruin me for everyone else. Because a piece of me still loves you. A piece of me waited, but-” He reached with his hand to touch on my arm “don’t you dare touch me! You have no right to just walk back in and expect me to act, as if I wasn’t lonely and feeling unwanted for over half a decade”

I couldn’t hold back tears any longer, saying those words made me finally acknowledge the feelings I felt for so many years. And it made me ache, like someone ripped my soul out, stomped on it solely to put it back into my body again.

“We were engaged for God’s sake!” I tried to stay calm. I really did. However, yelling out my feelings made me think clearer. “And I tried to be a bigger person, tried to give you space. Forget about it, but it’s hard, when you told me it wouldn’t work out, out of the blue.”

“I tried to keep you alive y/n! And I am genuinely sorry. I am not begging you to forgive me because I know it feels like it was ages ago when we were together. I just want you to consider us and try to make it through this.”

“You sound like a crazy person right now,” I shook my head in disbelief, my mouth flew agape “lying to me, hiding the truth when omitting the fact that someone was planning to take my life, one way or another… I fear this is not something I can get over Spencer.”

From the perspective of time this wasn’t the greatest fear of mine. The thing I was frightened by the most, was that I would give in too easily. I knew I was able to forgive him, deep down I was sure I would bend if he asked me again.

“Okay,” he nodded, almost like he suddenly dissociated himself completely from being present. It felt like he mentally disappeared though his body still stood tall in front of me. He was no longer confident in what he believed in after my words, like all his will to fight for the relationship that we used to have, exited his being with a single lonely tear escaping his eye. He wiped it off immediately with the back of his hand. “I better get going then.”

"I think it would be better for the both of us, if you did." The emotions started to settle in my gut. I couldn't make him stay.

"Alright. goodnight." he said those words, probably hoping this wouldn't be our last goodbye. "Just think about it, okay?"

I nodded as I opened the door before him. When he left the tears started to flow down my cheeks again. This time they were like waterfalls of my broken heart and they were running wild. I just dropped to the floor. The loud sobs were echoing through my apartment as I curled myself into a fetal position.

"So…" you started not knowing what else to say "what do you think?"

The woman on the chair next to you carefully removed her glasses and set them on the table, along with a notepad.

"I think this story you just told me is a very unique and tragic love story," she said confidently "and a very unfortunate one at that"

You shifted uncomfortably on the couch you were sitting on for the past thirty minutes. You were nervously playing with your hands and chewing on your already puffy lips. Dumping the trauma was tiring you even more than your lack of sleep, due to the situation you were still digesting.

"Then, what should I do?" you ask looking up at the therapist, expecting a clear direction.

"I am not here to tell you what you should or shouldn't do…" she said in a calm voice and took a sip of whatever was in her white mug. "My only input here is supposed to be helping you understand your emotions, however, I can tell you to trust yourself and what you decide to do, the instincts usually don't lie"

my masterlist ♥

[amgk22]

I actually think Lukas Reichel x reader with the tiktok trend with "my emergency contact" would be the cutest thing ever because he's literally the emergency?

emergency contact…literally. lukas reichel

synopsis: while filming the ‘emergency contact’ trend with your klutzy boyfriend, you somehow end up in a hilarious situation.

warnings: comedy, short, just a cute guy doing cute stuff, sort of grumpy x sunshine

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this,” You complain, basically being led by your boyfriend across the street. “Can’t we use the clips we already have?”

“We need one more,” Lukas insists, looking back at you. “Come on!”

You nod, scratching your red sweater as you hold the phone tightly. It’s summer- NHL season’s off. Therefore, the Blackhawks need content to feed their fans. Thanks to your closeness to one of their stars, you’re the one posting their funny video.

“Where should we go first?” Lukas asks. “Maybe..the coffee shop? Or the zoo. The park? Or-“

“The coffee shop sounds good,” You shrug, smiling. “I’m getting a-“

“Dark roast coffee; with two sugars, one cream, and a shot of espresso,” Lukas finishes the sentence for you, ruffling up your hair. “Always been, always will be.”

“You know me so well,” You laugh quietly, following him into the coffee shop. Almost instantly, as soon as you enter the shop, Lukas sees his friend, and runs over.

“Tyler! Whatcha doing here?” Lukas asks, smiling at his teammate.

“Came with some buddies,” Tyler grins. “They’re all at the hotel, getting some shut eye- I thought I’d get them some coffees to help them when they’re hungover.”

You can’t help but smile, as you see the two of them reconnect. You also pull your phone up, wondering if this’ll be the moment you get the video.

“What’d you get?” Lukas pokes at Tyler’s drink. “I’m getting my girl a coffee. She’s a tired one.”

“You really struck gold, didn’t you?” Tyler asks. “You got a girl who likes you even if you’re ugly!”

Lukas rolls his eyes. “I’m not ugly!” He exclaims, looking over at you. “Am I?”

You shake your head. “Of course not, love.”

He smiles, looking back at Tyler. “See? I’m not ugly,” Lukas chuckles softly. “And she always tells the truth.” You smile. No matter what he’s doing, he always finds a way to make you feel special.

“Hey, barista,” Lukas calls out. “Dark roast coffee, two sugars, one cream, and a shot of espresso.” She nods, and you smile. So far, all is well.

That is, until a minute’s gone by and the drink isn’t here. “Geez, how much longer?” Lukas complains. “We don’t have all day.”

“Actually, we do,” You correct. “It’s 8:30 in the morning.”

“Hurry up,” Lukas whines slightly, banging on the display and slightly bending down. Perfect. Grabbing the camera, you press record as he continues to talk to the food.

“Hey; food,” Lukas whispers. “Get the barista to go faster, okay? And make my beautiful girlfriend patient, if it doesn’t work.” He looks back to you, his eyes immediately widening. His hand’s outstretched from tapping on the display, which now holds a coffee that the barista placed into his hand. “No, don’t record that! No, don’t put it in the video, don’t don’t-“

His wrists moving around quickly, the coffee cup lid falls off the coffee, and your drink is spilled all over Lukas, you, and your cell phone.

Silence. “Oh my god,” Lukas mumbles. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

Your face is still stunned, but eventually you manage to smile. “Hey..you can buy me another one. Right?”

“Right. Thank goodness your phone’s broken, now you can’t keep the footage.” Lukas looks over to Tyler. “You saw nothing.”

[infamous-if]

Dec ✮ 12 ✮ 2024 – update

Part of me hates doing these mostly because it's a whole lotta nothing and me just repeating everything I said the last update (lol) but I do like doing it because I like keeping people updated, even if it's a non-update. I may sound like a broken record (pun not intended) but I know a lot of people don't catch my updates every time so it's nice to just keep people informed yk yk

✮ — Part 2 + rewrite

Fun fact: I had written an entire essay about my excitement for the rewrite and chapter 3 and beyond but it got too long!

It boiled down to me wondering why I'm so excited for this rewrite and realizing it's because I feel comfortable enough to approach it with complete creative freedom. I wrote the first iteration of the demo with the constant worries swimming in my head like "I hope people understand what I'm trying to say here" and "I hope this situation is being read the way I intended for it to be read." And I think I sort of had those thoughts tenfold while writing Part 2. If you paid attention, you can probably see where I was trying to shut down certain discussions in the narrative lmao

Recently I had a tiny epiphany and reminded myself that it's not always about what I intend to write, but what is being understood by each reader. And yes this is basic writing 101 but let me have this moment of clarity okay. Embracing that means I can proceed with Infamous without holding back and sticking to my guns in regards to what I want for this story aka I'm just going to write what I write and like....not worry about the rest you feel (while of course integrating the common critiques and suggestions and improving on the things Infamous falls short in—I am not Shakespeare lmao)

ANYWAY my point is that I'm excited to fix up the demo !!! and just go back to it with complete confidence in myself and write whatever the heck feels right to me (and write the rest of the story lolol) and return with a better story than I have now for everyone!!

✮ — December will be for

planning what I'm going to improve and squeezing that in a reworked outline so it can flow much better narratively.

Outlining Chapter 3 and hopefully have the bare bones first draft drafted up which is mostly just be writing blocks of descriptions

I'm not sure I'll have anything substantial to justify looking for beta testers so soon yet but maybe!

work on my spice writing babey writing/reading spice makes me actually physically recoil but im determined to get better! which reminds me to finish the 6k follower gifts!

And also take a small breather because I am moving!

✮ — Patreon

I've already mentioned this on Patreon and a few times on here, but I do want to reiterate that Patreon content is coming out in bulk this month, in case anyone was wondering why I'm not posting as frequently. The content is still the same in terms of the quantity, it just won't be released every few days! thank you guys for being understanding of that <3

✮ —

My activity has is decreasing little by little due to my move but I do read every question and try to at least answer one question a day. I get quite a few mentions lately so I have to sort through those since I do get tagged in things, but I miss them due to my notifications. Usually I hope for the best and hope tracking the tag puts it on my dashboard <3 im not ignoring anyone!

That's all for now! Hope everyone has a happy December and Happy Holidays!

[lyracarvahall]

HeartBeat Sync Part 28

Reunited And It Feels So Good

Mingi and Wooyoung helped Y/N clean up quickly before getting back on track. Wooyoung started pouring extra affection on, sneaking kisses and snuggles when he could. After giggling about the situation, Wooyoung got up again to actually record the track this time. But first, he snuck in one more kiss.

"I love you baby. Your song is amazing but I will be unable to unlink it from that sexy scene I just witnessed. Made a killer sex soundtrack I will tell you that." With that he shot her a wink over his shoulder and walked back into the recording booth. She cackled in laughter at his antics. It was such a relief that tension was gone now. She hoped to get a proper night with him soon.

As Wooyoung slipped on the headphones and properly listened to the reference track one more time, singing quietly to himself, Y/N turned to Mingi, who was squatted next to her chair.

"Thank you for what you did Mingi. I don't know how we got so off-track but thank you for helping set things right. I am sorry our first time together was marked like this." she teared up at the thought of ruining their initial experience.

"Oh baby don't be upset. I think it was sort of epic. I know I will never forget it. I am a romantic but we have plenty of other times to get those moments together. I....I know what anxiety is like and how it can swallow you whole if you let it. The second I felt that from you I had to help." He knelt down, gently grabbing her left hand and traced Yunho's soul mark with his fingertips.

"I felt you so stressed and it hurt my heart. I never want you to suffer even an ounce. I know this was silly and petty in the grand scheme of things but I wanted to keep it from getting worse in any way I could." He picked up her hand and kissed the back of it.

"Alright lovebirds. Let's get this show on the road! I think I have it down this time." Wooyoung shouted from the booth.

Y/N giggled, kissed Mingi on the cheek, releasing his hand. Once she set up the track again, Wooyoung began recording his part. His unique tone gave a sense of urgency to the intro track exactly as she had intended. This was meant to be an intro and a warning of the danger in the tracks to come. A prequel to their track "Panic". After he finished recording, he turned to her.

"Did I do it right? I was trying to capture the danger the lyrics gave."

"Woo, you did perfect. Come here!" Y/N giddily leapt from her seat and ran to Wooyoung as he left the booth. She collided with him in a massive hug. "Damn baby, you like it that much?"

"Woo it was perfect! You captured exactly what I was going for. Thank you!!" Y/N nuzzled into his chest and Wooyoung caught himself melting into her, feeling her absolute joy through the bond.

"I could definitely get used to this, sunshine." He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. She felt his peace and the soul-mark began to burn anew, almost like a reconnection being made between the pair.

Mingi wrapped his long arms around the pair. "Group hug!" He chuckled deeply at their startled reactions to being broken out of their reverie. "I love you both but know the others will be here in a little bit and I should probably get my part done before they get here, yeah? We have to go to sound check later and we should get this done before then. Thankfully we got here early in the morning so we can do a lot."

"Oh! Yeah I almost forgot the concert is tonight and not tomorrow. I will get you set up. Sorry honey." She wiggled out of both of their holds and made way to her laptop to get Mingi's part of the track set up.

"Mingi, whatever you do, promise not to laugh at me."

Mingi looked confused. "Baby, why would I laugh at you?"

Y/N blushed deeply as she explained. "Well, I had to record your reference tracks too. Don't judge my rapping too harshly or anything."

Mingi smiled widely and almost frolicked into the booth. "I am sure it will be fantastic! You are amazing at all that you do."

"While I appreciate your faith, this isn't my strong suit. I threw a couple of song low notes in there too. I hope you don't mind. The into is an 8 person harmony, you included."

Mingi raised his eyebrows, "Now I feel like the one that should tell you singing isn't my strong suit."

"Honey, I love your vocal tone. You should use it more and it will be blended it with everyone else. You will do great. I believe in you."

She could see a look of pride on his face as he slipped on the headphones. Wooyoung made his way to the couch and began playing on his phone. "Gonna order us some food so lunch will be here when Joong and Jongho arrive."

Y/N nodded to Mingi, set up the reference track, and joined Woo on the couch. She placed her head on his shoulder and watched him order the food on his app. "Oh I should let the security guard know that the food is coming!" Both men nodded and Wooyoung followed her out back to the security booth in the front room of the building.

Y/N waved her hand to grab the guards attention. He looked away from the cameras (which thankfully only showed the entrances and hallways) and looked at her. She signed to him Just wanted to let you know that food will be here soon so there will be a delivery driver coming.

The guard looked enthusiastic that she could communicate with him. He signed back Are you deaf?

She shook her head. My grandmother was. I spent a lot of time with her as a child so learned a lot, but sorry if I am a bit rusty.

He smiled back at her. I think you are doing great. Thank you for letting me know about the driver. When will they be here so I can keep an eye out?

Y/N turned to Wooyoung who looked at her surprised. "What is the ETA for the boys and the food?"

"Um...both should be here in about a half hour."

She noticed the guard was able to lip-read what Wooyoung had said and nodded in confirmation.

Thanks again...She read his name tag Terry. Do you have a sign name? My name is Y/N. She showed her sign name.

The guard showed it to her his and smiled. No problem! Let me know if you guys need anything.

Y/N nodded and the pair made their way back to the studio.

"Hold the phone...How did you know how to do that?" Wooyoung looked astounded. Mingi looked confused.

"What happened. Baby are you okay?"

"What HAPPENED was our girl talked IN SIGN LANGUAGE to the guard. Like full convo. It was so cool!"

"Well, like I told Terry, my grandmother was deaf and I stayed a lot at her house when I was a kid. No biggie. Just like learning another language. Anyway, what did you think of the track Mingi?" They could sense she was trying to avoid the topic but decided to let it lie.

"Baby that was AWESOME! I think you are selling yourself short on the whole rapping thing because WOW. Your voice was adorable but your flow? SO COOL!" He looked genuinely proud of her and she should feel his pride through their connection.

Y/N blushed further. "Awww you are so cute!" Wooyoung grabbed Y/N and pulled her down on the couch with him, wrapping his arm around her. Reaching across to restart the track, she was swiftly pulled back down giggling into Wooyoung's eager arms.

Mingi sang some low notes in the intro meant to weave through Yeosang's and Yunho's. His voice was gritty and raw but beautiful. She knew she would have to use it more on future tracks. When his rap part came up, he gave it a fire and passion that was undeniable. It was hard to not be turned on by witnessing it. She realized the pair could feel how she was affected as Woo squeezed her tighter and Mingi had a big smirk on his face.

Once he was done, he exited the booth with the swagger of knowing how he affected her. Kneeling between her legs as she was leaning on the sofa between Woo's legs, he hugged her and placed his head on her belly. Just then, there was a knock on the studio door. Mingi got up to pull up the curtain and let the guy in to place the bunches of food that was ordered on the table in front of them.

Wooyoung served plates to everyone and it was nice. She felt like it was a family dinner, which growing up was never a great experience. She was glad to have found this new family. This new home.

Couldn't imagine it getting any better.

---------------------------------------------------

Sorry this chapter was a little short. Next part up Sunday❤

Taglist: @vtyb23 @mrsminseochoi @mygsis @nuggiesnuggetdog04 @anni-3 @yeosangsluthousewife

[azuries]

man sry im just rly emotional that i actually finished a project this big, and i dont think ill shut up about it anytime soon. after 2 years of burnout, empty promises to myself, yearning to be the one to provide something for people but never actually doing it… its surreal.

it almost feels like i got possessed while doing it. i never thought i was capable enough to do something like that, but i did. idk man. maybe im overreacting. but this is such a big accomplishment for me

and what makes this crazier is people finding enjoyment in it. so far we reached 225 downloads for requiem in less than 2 days and i cant help but feel emotional tbh i sound like a broken record but ty for giving this project the time of day 🥺

[ladylooch]

How Would I? - Nico Hischier

A/N: I am going to be honest and say I am actually nervous to post this. I went back and forth on if I needed to soften this up. Ultimately, I feel it is much better as is. But this is definitely dark, so please read at your own discretion!

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Robbery, assault, broken bones, pregnancy talk, violence. 

“Hi.” I whisper to my husband via FaceTime. My feet gently rock Lucie and I on the rocking chair in her room. Nico smiles excitedly when he sees my face. He is leaning against the brick wall of the Prudential Center. The team is having a Dine with the Devils charity event at the arena. 

“Hi.” Nico murmurs back. “She asleep?”

“Yeah.” I flip the camera so he can see Lucie’s angelic face. She had a big day playing with Lio at an indoor play house, then having pizza for dinner. 

“Good. Her and Lio have fun?”

“So much.” I smile, turning the camera back onto me.

“Cause trouble too?”

“Of course.” I roll my eyes. “They conspired by hiding in the upper slides. Only came out when Emma started yelling at them in Swiss German.” Nico chuckles. “The other parents gave her quite the look.” Emma holding her pregnant belly with each heavy inhale added another layer to the picture. 

“I’m sure.” He sighs, glancing up and giving a polite nod as a group of fans walks by to the locker room for their tour. “I should be home in an hour or so. Things are wrapping up.”

“Sounds good.” I adjust the screen in my hand. “Can’t wait.”

“Me too, babe. See you soon. I love you.”

“Love you too.” We pucker our lips for smooches, then click off. “Okay, Luc.” I whisper, then stand. My almost five month bump protrudes out as I maneuver Lucie into her bed. She startles a bit, gripping onto her penguin pillow pet. I back away quietly, then shut the door completely behind me. 

I hold my belly as I walk back down the stairs. I feel so huge this pregnancy. With Lucie, it seemed like I stayed small until the very end when she began gaining a pound a week. But with  this daughter, I’ve been popping since last month. I scratch at the itchy skin around my belly button then head into the kitchen. I finish loading the dishwasher, reaching around for the detergent in the bottom cabinet. I hear the front door open and foot steps on the rug in the entry way. I stand up, closing the dishwasher and pushing the on button.

“Wow, that had to have been record speed.” I say making sure the light turns on for the wash cycle. There is no response. I move to turn around but a hand clasps over my mouth. This is not Nico. Fear jolts through my body and I try to pull away.

“Stop. If you do what I say, you and your daughter won’t be harmed.” It’s a man. A voice I don’t recognize. My heart lurches into my throat. I stiffen. “I am going to release you now. The last thing you want to do is scream. We wouldn’t want your little daughter upstairs to wake up, Mrs. Hischier.”

I can sense he has been watching us. He knows Lucie is asleep. He knows where her room is. He knows who I am. Who Nico is. It’s all panic inducing. The baby kicks against my abdomen as he releases me.

“Go to the table.” He presses something cold to the back of my neck. I have never felt a gun against my skin before, but it sure feels like one. I purse my lips together and slowly move to the dining area. I glance around, looking for a weapon, cursing earlier me that cleaned up the kitchen. The knives are across the kitchen. The vase is too far away to grab. And the very real possibility of a gun being on my neck stops any other thoughts of fighting.

“What do you want?” I ask, surprise at how still my voice is. 

“No questions.” He presses the cool metal even deeper into my skin. The more he talks, the younger he sounds. He rips out one of the dinning room chairs and harshly shoves me down onto it. My stomach bottoms out. The baby kicks harder and I push a hand over her. “You’re lucky you’re pregnant. Otherwise you’d be dead.” My mouth crumbles as he touches my hair. I pull harshly away. “I’m going to tie you up. You’re going to be quiet. I’ll grab what I want and leave. You scream, I take your daughter with me.” 

“Please. Let me go to her room. We’ll stay there together. You can take whatever you want. Please. Just… don’t hurt her.” I am sobbing now, thinking of this man upstairs alone with my daughter sleeping. I feel helpless, incapable of protecting her from the greatest danger.

“Your daughter’s safety depends on your cooperation and yours only. Keep your mouth shut and Nico won’t see your dead bodies when he gets home.”

The way he talks about Nico drips with disdain. A gloved hand comes around, grabbing my wrist and forcing it behind my back. I try to fight against him for the other one, but he yanks down on my shoulder which causes a sharp pain through my shoulder blade. No other words are shared as he duct tapes my feet together. Tape gets slapped over my mouth too. Tears immediately trace over the grey strip.

His retreating footsteps can be heard going up the stairs. I’m stuck. I can’t move the chair. If I tip over, I’ll fall onto the baby. I dig my finger nails into my palm, more tear tracks falling down my cheeks. I listen intently for Lucie. She will scream if he goes in there. I know she will. But no sounds come from upstairs. Nothing except the muted foot steps that I’ll never forget the sound of.

His boots hit the hardwood again. My whole body tenses as I feel him approach from behind. I grit my teeth, trying not to show any fear outwardly. Wanting to swing at him with everything in me and rip his fucking eyes out for invading our home.

“One last thing.” He sneers into my ear, reaching for the wedding bands on my left ring finger. I make a fist, trying to keep them on. “Release or I’ll cut your finger off.” He forces my fingers apart, tugging the rings harshly off. As he is pulling back, I’m able to get my finger nails on him. I press hard then drag, drawing blood. “Bitch!” He grabs the back of my head and throws me to the ground. I land hard on my side. I cringe, feeling the pain shoot through my collarbone. He steps towards me. I turn, looking him dead in his masked face. He stands over me. “All you rich bitches are the same. Ungrateful sluts.” He leans down, grabbing my face, pressing his fingers in. “Should untie you and teach you a lesson.” 

“Dude! Lights are coming down the street! Let’s go!” Someone else yells into the house. 

“Guess I’ll have to come back instead. Maybe on your husband’s next road trip.” He releases my face, stepping over me towards the front door. The voices disappear and the house is quiet again after a click of the front door. His final words hang violently in the air.

I close my eyes, heavy tears running down from my eyes. I pant heavily, struggling to stretch my feet to loosen the tape. I don’t want Nico to find me like this. Every movement makes my chest and shoulder shoot with pain. It isn’t long before the pain is unbearable. I fight back the nausea from it. With the duct tape still on my mouth, I’ll choke If I puke. 

“Nico.” I sob against the stickiness over my mouth. Panic is bubbling up, tightening my throat. I stop fighting, eventually growing still, trying to minimize the damage to myself and the baby by becoming calm. 

I focus on my breathing. I go to the happiest memories I can think of with Nico. I imagine I’m in bed with him in the morning. He is holding me close, placing soft kisses along my face, waking me up from a light sleep. I hear soft baby giggles coming from Lucie as he whispers for her to give me kisses too. It works. The sound of the garage door opening breaks through my safe place. Then the door opens. Nico tosses his keys on the counter. He walks beyond it, shrugging his jacket off.

His gasp rocks my body when he sees me.

“Oh my god, Lex!” He exclaims, his Nike’s slapping the wood floor as he rushes to me. His hands grab my tired hands. I yelp. He stops, then grabs the tape. “Sorry, sorry, sorry! Oh my god, baby what happened?!” His brown eyes are wild, mouth dropped open in shock, breathing rapid. “Are you okay?” He reaches down for the baby, then goes back to my hands.

“Don’t pull my hands. I think my collar bone is broken. He gently works my hands apart. Then goes into the kitchen to grab some scissors. When he has me untied, he works me onto my back. 

“Go grab Lucie.” I say. 

“Baby, what happened!”

“Go. Grab. Lucie!” I scream back at him. “Make sure she is okay.” Nico backs up, then runs up the stairs, two at a time, barreling into her room.

“It’s daddy, baby. It’s okay. Just daddy. Let’s go help mommy.” He comes back into view, holding her close to him. His eyes meet mine and his face distorts in pain. He brings Lucie to the couch, then comes back to me.

“Call the police. Someone broke in, tied me up, and took who knows what. All I know for sure is they took my wedding rings.” I hold my hand up, Nico looks at the vacant space. A darkness I’ve never seen before crosses over his features. “Can you help me sit up?” I give him my good arm, then sit up with his help. I run my hand over the baby, anxious to feel her move. Nico watches as he pulls his phone out.

“Hi, I need to report a break in… and um, they hurt my wife.” He is stuttering, barely able to form English words.

The police come. EMTs too. They want me to go to the hospital for x-rays and and an ultrasound for the baby. Nico scours through the video systems we have, including the baby monitor. No one entered Lucie’s room after I did, which is a relief. It also makes it difficult to give a description of the suspect because they cut the wires leading to our security system. The police believe with the quickness of the break in and the retelling of my story that they had been casing the house. They waited for me to put Lucie to sleep. For Nico to be gone. For me to be at my most vulnerable. 

Nico’s fingers gripped mine so tight when the police officer said that, I had to make him let go.

The x-ray confirm my collarbone is broken. They put me in a sling and schedule me for a follow up appointment next week. I can’t take pain killers; they tell me to monitor my Advil intake because of the baby.

It is hours before we return home. Nico’s car pulls up to the house, but it looks different. Dangerous and dark in the early morning hours.

“We are moving.” Nico says as he walks behind me in the garage with Lucie in his arms. “You are not staying here without me. Every time I am gone, you are leaving too.”

“Nico.” I sigh. 

“No Lex. He told you he would be back. I’m not willing to take that chance. Do not argue with me on this.” He shuts the door behind him. “I already sent a text to Steve in hockey ops. He’s grabbing us a place in Hoboken while we search for a new house. We will move into Timo and Emma’s gated community.”

“But this is our home.” I start to cry. He brings Lucie to the couch, then engulfs me into his chest, careful of my sling. He presses kisses along my head, then tilts my face so he can kiss my lips. “This is where we said we would bring all our babies home from the hospital. Where they would take their first steps. And grow up. And be in a safe place. They took that from us tonight!”

“I know, baby. I’m so sorry.” 

Holding me isn’t going to make any of this better, but he tries as hard as he can.

- - -

Nico watches Lexi and Lucie sleep next to him later that night. Lexi is propped up on pillows, the elbow of her broken collar bone supported by them too. To Nico, she looks fragile, with a sling and a growing belly.  He reaches out for her bump, then skims that same hand along Lucie’s head where she sleeps cuddled into her baby sister. 

He’s tried to fall asleep numerous times already, but he can’t.

He is fiercely angry.

Angry that someone robbed his house. Irate that some piece of shit hurt his wife. Poisoned by the visual of his pregnant wife tied up and in pain. Terror still fills his veins on what he imagined he would see of their daughter as he ran up the stairs. 

All these images and emotions run through his mind. He can’t let it go. The police officers had been gentle yet realistic that they may never find the people who did this. 

Fine, then Nico would. If they can’t do their job, he’ll hire someone better. The best money can buy. He’d bring investigators from Switzerland. He didn’t care. He was going to fucking find them.

None of the cameras in the neighborhood caught them. Yet, they were able to pull DNA from under Lexi’s nails of whoever tied her up. That was enough for him. Nico wants five minutes in a room with him to do permanent damage. He understands now how people can be capable of murder.

Him and Lex should have never picked this house. They had other options that provided a security presence, but they thought they were safe. Well, now he knew better. He should have been a better father and husband by forcing the gated community house.

Lexi stirs again her pillows, letting out a soft groan. Nico reaches out for her face, brushing her cheek lightly with his thumb.

“I need something.” She gulps down a tentative sip of water. “Can I take Advil yet?” Nico looks at the time on his watch sitting on the bedside table.

“Yeah, sweets. I’ll be right back.” He gently leaves the bed, careful not to rustle Lexi or Lucie. Their daughter immediately stretches her little feet out to take over his side of the bed. Normally he hates her feet against his back because she kicks him throughout the night. Tonight, it’s everything to him.

Nico comes back to Lexi with two Advil. She sits up to take it with Nico’s help. He rubs her back, anger intensifying at every flicker of pain on her body.

“Baby, I am going to find who did this.” He whispers to his wife. “They’re going to pay for this.”

“Neeks…” Lexi murmurs back, reaching for his face with her good hand. She strokes his skin, eyes wary with worry. Nico looks back at her, gaze hard, until he loses it completely. He drops his gaze to her belly when he feels the tears.

“I almost lost my whole world tonight.” Lexi sniffs because she is crying too. “How would I live without you, baby?” Lexi shakes her head, not sure what to say to her husband. 

Gradually, with Lexi’s guidance, Nico lays his head into her lap. His nose presses into their growing baby while Lucie’s hand twitches against his hair. Lexi and Nico join hands on her bump.

The room is silent. The heavy thoughts of their night hanging over them. 

Lexi finally gets Nico to sleep by gently stroking his hand, continuously murmuring to him that she’s still here.

[never-afters]

"soon" you mean never?

Hi, anon! The moment I woke up this morning, your message was among the first things in my notifications. And, well, that's one thing of incorporating my username to my writing.

I've thought long and hard how to answer your question to make sure I don't come off rude or anything, but I've also just been busy the whole day as I was out and about doing my fieldwork so in any case, I apologize for responding late. To answer your question, no, I definitely do not mean never. Sure, I don't update weekly, because what will I even say? Hey, I added *insert random wordcount here*, I've been busy though so writing has been slow. Because I'm telling you, if I do that I'll end up sounding like a broken record.

And I think I've been clear that I said this is not my main project or whatsoever. It's a hobby, something I do when I have time or when I need to relax from real life and my academics. I do not get paid from this because as I said, pure hobby, an outlet I use for the creativity (or what's left of it, anyway) in my head.

To actually give a reason, I will be going into more personal details of my life. First, my university life is not easy, and I think none of us have it easy, may it be in the academe, work, or life in general. I study anthropology and it's a program heavy with lots of readings and fieldworks, so the time I could use for writing, I save for reading classics and doing fieldworks instead. Secondly, one of my parents has been hospitalized and I'm taking care of 4 siblings and 7 pets. The responsibilities are shared, sure, but the burden can be heavy when you try to juggle your life, academics, and social relationships, add to that the hobby you're supposed to do to have fun. And third, I, myself, am not as healthy as one would normally be. I have three life-long illnesses that make me weaker than most, hence why I can't stay up late to find the time to write and why sometimes, I just don't have enough energy to think and move.

I hope that is enough of an answer to at least put you at ease that I'm working on it, albeit not as fast as the other creators you follow. Maybe you didn't mean to be rude, and some part of me do understand. However, the other is just a teensy weensy bit hurt as well. Kindness and understanding goes a long way, you know? Also, I know I haven't really good with setting deadlines for myself but I know that I get things done at the end of the day. My day-one readers know me. It's sad that the old demo disappeared alongwith dashingdon shutting down, but at least know that my story will come back.

If you can't wait, then that is fine. There are hundreds, maybe even thousands, of stories you can read instead. I am not forcing you to stay and wait 'til I get mine finished for public access. I do not ask you to believe my reasons as well, but I know that I have been honest with disclosing such personal information here to at least let you know the reasons why I'm quick with any progress. I will include proofs, but I don't want to disclose even more sensitive information that will risk my privacy.

Still, thank you for being interested in my story. Some part of me will take this as a compliment, anon, because maybe you're just so excited that you're starting to feel impatient. So then again, I apologize, but sending a message like this won't make me write any faster. Anyhow! Have a good night, or day, or afternoon, or whatever timezone you're in! :)

Have some cute heart urchins from the museum I visited today in my country! :D

[stumped-on-bennington]

Sleeping for the Wrong Team

Fluff!

Pairing: Patrick Stump (circa 2003) x Male!Reader

Summary: everyone jokes that you and Patrick are bassicly boyfriends, but you have a date with someone else!

Warnings!: aggressive suiter, forced kiss, (This guy is just kinda designed to be a dick lol)

Word count: 2,090+

Y/N had known Patrick Stump since middle school. It was like they were joined at the hip, inseparable. They stuck together through high school and even after. Y/N was the one who helped run merch tables, drive the van, amongst other things for the band.

It had gotten to the point where everyone just assumed the two were dating, and when they called Patrick Y/N's boyfriend. He didn't really stop to correct them, not that they were dating, but if he had corrected everyone he would have to explain it 24/7.

Y/N had just finished packing up the leftover boxes of shirts after a show when Pete came up.

“Have fun watching your boyfriend tonight?” Pete asked

Y/N sighed, “Pete, you of all people know he's not my boyfriend.”

“Well I haven't seen you dating anyone else? Maybe you should just make it official.” Pete said mockingly, making a kissy face at the end.

Y/N chuckled and shook his head.

“What?” Pete asked.

Y/N closed the back door of the van before walking towards the driver's seat as Pete followed. “Well actually, I have a date tomorrow.”

Pete coughed and then started rubbing his ear, “I'm sorry, I think I lost my hearing during the show. It sounded like you said you have a date.”

Y/N just smiled and nodded at Pete.

“OK, well spill. Who is this mystery date?” Pete asked, leaning against the van with his arms crossed.

Y/N joined him, resting his back on the van, “It's this really cool guy who came and talked to me at the merch tables the other night. He's the drummer for that other band that played.”

“Desire in Stilettos?” Pete asked.

“That's the one.” Y/N confirmed.

“Oh yeah, I remember. Alex, right? Seemed like a cool dude. I remember Patrick saw him over there with you and he totally kept messing up on every song. Forgot the words, was strumming too fast or too slow.” Pete chuckled.

Y/N just rolled his eyes and opened the drivers door to the van, hopping in. Soon the rest of the guys were packed up and in the van, making the long ride back home.

The entire ride was awkward and silent. Usually Patrick sat in the passenger seat, but tonight he was tucked back in the corner, the furthest seat from Y/N.

Everyone got dropped off one by one, until it was just Y/N and Patrick. The air was a little thick, and the fact that the radio was broken in the van didn't help.

Eventually Patrick cleared his throat before speaking, “so… Pete said you have a date tomorrow?”

“Hm? Oh, oh yeah. It's with this guy I met at one of the last shows we were at. We're just going to hang out.” Y/N said, pulling up into Patrick's driveway.

“Oh, cool.” Patrick got up and grabbed his guitars before walking over to the driver's side window, “well, ugh, have fun, dude.” Patrick gave an awkward wave before going inside his parents house.

~~~

“Hey!” Alex waved as he saw Y/N enter the record store.

Y/N smiled and walked up to Alex, “Hey!”

Without warning Alex leaned down and hugged Y/N. Y/N was a little thrown off, but hugged him back.

The two looked through the music at the store while chatting about their interests.

Y/N smiled as he picked up ‘I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love’.

“Oh, sweet! I've been looking for this vinyl!” Y/N smiled.

“Oh, you like My Chemical Romance? I mean they're ok, but they're like total posers. It's like they make hardcore but for girls.” Alex laughed.

Y/N laughed awkwardly before putting the album back, “haha, yeah…”

After the record store, Alex and Y/N went to a music store. Y/N followed behind Alex as he picked up almost every instrument in the store, asking the workers obnoxious questions, and then playing as loud as possible.

Y/N picked up a guitar and started playing a song that Patrick had taught him, and then Alex came over.

“Haha, man. You are not great at playing are you? Here, let me show you how to actually play.” Alex then grabbed the guitar from Y/N and cranked the amp up.

“You were playing slow, if you want to sound good you have to play fast, like this.” Alex then started strumming something akin to Metallica, blaring the loud sound through the small store.

By the time they left, it was already dark. Alex insisted on walking Y/N back to his apartment. As they got to the front door, the two stopped.

Alex leaned against the wall, resting his arm above Y/N, cornering him against the apartment door. “I had fun today.” Alex said, looking down at Y/N.

“Oh yeah, it was a good time.” Y/N said as he awkwardly smiled, trying to seem genuine.

“It's like you really get me, you know?” Alex said, leaning down. Before Y/N could do anything, Alex was kissing him. His lips were rough and forceful. The taste of cigarettes was all Y/N could think of. By the time Alex pulled back he was already walking off, “well, i'll see you later. Give me a call ok?”

Y/N quickly went inside, immediately brushing his teeth to try and get rid of the taste and feel of Alex's lips. After, Y/N plopped down on his bed, sighing. Just then, Y/N's phone went off. Fully expecting it to be Alex, Y/N ignored it, letting the 8-bit ringtone echo in the apartment.

Just when the first call should have gone to voicemail, the ringing began again. This time, Y/N checked. It was actually Pete calling.

Y/N answered his phone, “Hello?”

“Hey, buddy! How'd your date go?” Pete asked.

“I don't want to talk about it.” Y/N said.

“Damn, that bad, huh? Wait wait, before you tell me let me go over and you tell me in person.” Pete said excitedly.

“No Pete, I don't want any-” before Y/N could finish his sentence, Pete had hung up. Y/N sighed, knowing fully well that he would be at his apartment in about 10 minutes.

~~~

There was a knock at the door. Y/N stood and opened it, but instead of Pete, Patrick stood at the door.

“Hey, Pete asked for me to come over, said he was going to but somethin’ came up, so he said i should.” Patrick said.

Y/N sighed for what felt like the millionth time that night and let Patrick in.

Patrick sat awkwardly on Y/N's couch, shifting on the cushion, “so, ugh… how was your date.”

Y/N leaned forward, resting his head in his hands, “so bad.”

Patrick frowned, feeling bad for his best friend, “you wanna talk about it?”

Y/N sat up, ready to tell Patrick everything, “He was so inconsiderate! First, he got in my personal space without warning, then he dissed my music taste. Oh, and then he was completely obnoxious at the music store, I'll never be able to go in there again.”

Y/N leaned back, covering his face with his hands, “and then he kissed me.”

Patrick coughed, “he KISSED you?”

“It was so bad. I never want to go on a date again.”

“You just had one bad date, you'll have better ones.” Patrick said, trying to cheer up Y/N.

“Nah, dude. I think I'll just stay single. be the old man who drives the van. I think I'll start working on my beer gut, actually.” Y/N joked, grabbing his stomach.

Patrick laughed, “Well, at least you've gone on a date. I can't say I've even done that. You've definitely kissed more people than me.”

Y/N sat back up and turned towards Patrick, “what? No way! You've never gone on a date?”

Patrick just shook his head.

“Well on a date you can kinda do anything, but the main point is to get to know the other person.” Y/N explained.

“What if you already know the person pretty well, like you're going on a date with a friend?” Patrick asked, becoming slightly flushed.

“Well, then I guess you're just trying to have fun with them, just building up the relationship and becoming more intimate.” Y/N said.

Patrick was quiet for a moment, shifting in his seat again.

“Hey Y/N, can I just try something really quick? You can tell me to stop if you're too uncomfortable.” Patrick asked, moving closer to Y/N.

“Sure, but what did you want to do-” Y/N’s words froze in his mouth as Patrick's lips gently brushed his.

The kiss was soft, gental, and Patrick’s lips tasted of mint gum. Y/N found himself leaning into the kiss, wanting more. After a few seconds they pulled back, both with a slight blush across their cheeks. They looked each other in the eyes, both wonderstruck.

But quickly, Patrick looked away, the blush on his face growing redder, “s-sorry! I just, ugh, I just wanted to know what it felt like to kiss someone…”

Y/N looked at Patrick shocked, “You mean that was actually your first kiss? Like for real?”

Patrick rubbed the back of his neck, “ye-yeah. I wasn't joking about you having kissed more people than me because, well… I hadn't kissed anyone before.”

Without thinking, Y/N leaned towards Patrick, kissing him again, this time with absolute love weaved in-between each movement of his lips. When Y/N pulled back, he noticed that he had pinned Patrick to the couch and that he was over him.

“S-sorry! it's just, you were acting all cute talking about kissing and I just didn't think and-”

“We can keep doing that! I-if you want…” Patrick said, his hands now resting on Y/N's waist, almost begging Y/N to stay where he was.

Y/N smiled, leaning down and kissing Patrick again.

~~~

By about 11PM, the two were laying on the couch together, Y/N laying on his back while Patrick laid on top of Y/N, his head resting on his chest as they half watched whatever was on TV.

“You know, I might not give up on dating.” Y/N said as he played with Patrick's hair.

Patrick looked up towards Y/N, “Oh yeah?”

“So long as it's you I get to date.” Y/N said, almost sounding like a question.

“I think that's a pretty good idea.” Patrick said, nuzzling into Y/N.

Bonus!:

“So, are you guys actually official?” Pete asked as Y/N unloaded the merch for tonight's show.

“We've both already told you and the other guys several times now. Yes, we are officially dating.” Y/N said, placing the box of shirts down on the folding table.

“You know Desire in Stilettos plays with us tonight, how do you think Alex will take it?” Pete asked.

Just then Patrick came over with another box of shirts, setting it down on the table too, “I think he'll get the idea when he sees me with Y/N all night, and if that doesn't work, well, let's just say I have a bit of a surprise.” Patrick gave Y/N a peck on the check before going off with the rest of the band for sound check.

~~~

Patrick had sat with Y/N the entire night before he had to go on stage. While the band was playing, Alex saw his opportunity to strike.

Alex made his way to the merch table, leaning against it to talk to Y/N, “Hey, handsome. Why didn't you call me?”

Y/N tried to lean away from him, the smell of cigarettes still fresh on Alex, “I got busy.”

Alex grabbed Y/N by the arm, pulling him closer to him, “I took you out for a fun time and you ‘got busy’?”

Just then Patrick spoke on the mic, “This next one goes out to someone special. Y/N, over at our merch table, I love you!” and the band began to play.

“Who the hell does that guy think he is?” Alex said, letting go of Y/N's arm.

Y/N shoved him away, “That's my boyfriend!” Alex stumped back and scoffed, retreating back into the crowd and out of the venue. Y/N turned back to the stage, cheering on Patrick and the band.

~~~

[awfullyinlovewu]

Hello friend.

I've come to see how you're doing today as well as share my day and some thoughts.

I woke up a bit late as i was talking to my love into the early hours last night - that was amazing, yet unfortunately they made me tell them where i put the cameras and voice recorders in their house... They haven't moved them though... At least not yet. I hope they don't.

admittedly, I didn't have to Good of a day today. My friends... Well, former friends said i could never talk to them again or they'd go to the police about everything... I don't know why they can't see that I'm just trying to protect them.... You would see that, right? That the "stalking" was actually for your safety...?

At least they haven't and aren't told the authorities - I don't think i could stand juve again... Or worse, the mental hospital.. I just miss my friends, it's really all I've been able to think about... the way they look at me with such distain...such hatred in their eyes ..it makes me sick. It makes me feel broken. As cringe as that sounds.

I also fainted again... In front of everyone in class no less. I hate how they all stare at me. I get such violent thoughts when people stare at me like that. I hate being defective. I hate when people notice it... it doesn't help my mood disorders...

I ended up in the nurse's office for two hours before i had to go back to class. I wish i could've gone home so i could write to you sooner .... Nevertheless i finished my dreadfully boring classes in pain. I have chronic pain, I'm unsure of the cause - but it's gotten worse over the years. I'm not sure how long I have left to be able to withstand it nor are the doctors. I just got home and can barely move my legs.. suppose i need to actually get that wheelchair soon lol.

Sorry for the vent, I'll stop... I just feel like i can talk to you. You can share your troubles with me as well - if you want.

Maybe one day we can cuddle up and talk about our problems. I wanna hear them..I wanna fix them for you. I swear i can be helpful! If you stay my friend that is...

That's all for now, thanks for reading..:)

~ 🪓🍖

I’m sorry Im just now answering.. please forgive me.

I feel so awful for you. I understand you and you just want to be loved. Your ex friends are dumb and don’t understand all you were trying to do was just help them!! For gods sake you just wanted to protect them and they don’t understand that. That’s so dumb and it makes me so mad for you. I’m sorry you’re going through so much and so much pain. You can always come to me no matter what please remember that. And I would love to do that with you.

[oncominggstorm]

1, 2, 9, 11, 14, 15, 16 :)

1.) What song makes you feel better?

.......I am gonna sound like a broken record here cuz this has been my answer to every question about music ever buuuuuut "Down by the Water" by Ocie Elliott 😂 Idk I'm just kinda obsessed with that song rn. Actually listening to it on repeat yet again rn 😂 USUALLY tho, I'd go with something more upbeat to make me feel better lol

2.) What is your go to comfort show?

You'd THINK I'd say Doctor Who based on, ya know *gestures vaguely at blog*. But I usually go with comedies when I want comfort. If I had to pick just one, I'd probably say Ted Lasso. But Our Flag Means Death, Brooklyn Nine Nine, and New Girl are also up there. And lately Abbott Elementary (that's what I ended up watching right after my dad died actually, it was a nice light hearted distraction).

9.) Best childhood moment?

Oh gosh how to chose hmmm. I mean, I feel like I almost HAVE to say the day my little sister was born. She's almost 12 years younger so I remember it well. And she's definitely the best thing that ever happened to me/the person I love most in the world.

But I do also have pretty good memories of a trip to Disney World with both my parents when I was 8. They'd been divorced for like 2 years at that point but wanted to take us as a family anyhow, and it was pretty great. We drove there, my dad drove for 21 hours straight without stopping (yes he was crazy). We got to Florida at like 11pm (we went to Daytona Beach first, and drove to Disney the next day) and just went straight to bed. And I remember the next morning, I woke up before my mom & sister, and went out to the balcony to watch the sun rise over the ocean with my dad, and that was my first time seeing the ocean!

11.) Do you have a comfort item? Tell us about it!

Yes, 2 actually! The main one is I have a baby blanket that my grandma on my dad's side made for me. She made one for all 6 of her grandkids actually. Idk what exactly the craft she did is called, needlepoint maybe? Idk but basically she made a bunch of Disney characters out of yarn on the blanket. But the blanket itself has a nice smooth texture that's cool to the touch and is just nice sensory wise. The "blanket" is basically just a tangled ball of scraps at this point, cuz I've slept with it basically every night for 33 years lol. But I still love it and it brings me comfort.

The other one is a squishmallow I got a few years ago. He is a gnome and his name is Gnorman (idk what the actual official squishmallow name is, I renamed him). And he has probably absorbed gallons of tears from me crying into him at this point 😂

14.) Whats something upcoming that you’re excited for?

Hmm there's not really a lot of big things for me to look forward to at the moment, so I've mostly just been looking forward to small things like watching my show. I guess maybe christmas? Altho I'm honestly not feeling it as much this year 🤷‍♀️

15.) Comfort food?

Cheese pizza 👍

16.) What’s something you want to create soon?

I'm working on making several different videos of some of my favorite scenes from my the show I'm currently fixated on. And also finishing that fic. But also, I wanna make some candles soon! I just got more wax the other day so whenever I next have the energy, I'm gonna make a few

Thanks :)

Send me a number!

[lovebillyhargrove]

Wake me up when July is around

Ch. 23/? April downpour

***

You take the midnight subway train

You're callin' all the shots

You're struck by lightning

You're in love

It's not worth fighting

You're in love

You betcha, Billy got the new Ratt's album as soon as it appeared in the stores. Well, in Hawkins there's just one music store in the whole town, but it's better than nothing. Billy is not a complete nutcase to miss out on something like that.

He's listening to it right now, the tape inserted in his Panasonic and volume set to maximum. Neil and Susan are fuck knows where, gone shopping most likely, so Billy can do the fuck he wants. In his room. The red haired leprechaun is having her friend over, the weird girl, it's not total freedom like when he's home alone.

The Panasonic's deck lid is still broken after Neil shattered it in February, but the boom box works just fine without one. Fuck you, dad.

Billy stretches out on the bed, with his arms thrown under the head.

The afternoon is pleasant enough.

You take the evening one on one

You're only livin' to have fun

You want to use me, take me home tonight

I'll make you wish that you were mine

You're struck by lightning

You're in love

It's not worth fighting

You're in love

That's the first song on the track list. The music is excellent, and the lyrics are good, but it .. sounds like an affirmation or some shit, recording the message deep in Hargrove's brain.

You're struck by lightning

You're in love

It's not worth fighting

You're in love

Through the rough chords and raspy vocals he hears distant thuds on the wall.

Heheehe that must be the shitbird. You can choke on your long damn hair, Max, I'm not turning the volume down. Get used to good music, stepsister. While I'm still around. Very, very soon it's gonna be adiós, farewell, never-planning-on-seeing-you-again.

The girls are sitting on Max's bed, all nice and cozy, with books spread out in front of them. They are trying to study for tomorrow's history test, but the dick who's in the next room, is making it simply impossible.

Max has had enough. She moves closer to the wall and bangs on it with her angry little fist

"Billy !! Turn it down! We can't do homework! We can't even talk! Turn it down!"

Glaring at the wall and addressing El

"He is SUCH an asshole. I wish he just .. disappeared!"

"But .. he drives you to school?" El is trying to stay on the bright side

"Yeah, well, I don't care. I can always take the school bus."

El is frowning slightly, taking her friend's words with a grain of salt. She is of the opinion, that it's actually cool to have a big brother who has such a badass car ready to drive you anywhere, at the snap of your fingers.

Max pounds on the wall some more.

No effect whatsoever.

Nope, no effect. The booming sounds are still too loud and too irritating.

Hargrove's lying on his back, leg on leg, shaking his foot which is on top, to the beat of the music. He's already through side One, and flipped the tape to side Two

Another blistering rock song comes on

 

I don't like your cheatin' misfit ways

I don't stand for givin' it away

Can't you see the world turn and hear the cries?

Can't you see you're burnin' me between the eyes?

You hardly notice

You're burning me between the eyes

 

Why are so many songs in this album about love? What the hell? Like there aren't other things to sing about

This one isn't bad

 

My blood is thicker than water

I'm livin' out my life

I'll have my friends forever

We'll walk the sands of time

You should know by now

I never take no chances

Don't stand for compromise

I'll find the hidden treasure

I'm only passin' by

 

Hargrove is definitely only passing by. In two and a half months he'll forget Hawkins fucking exists.

While Billy is innocently enjoying the new Ratt album in peace, the two girls have plotted to take some action. History still needs to be learnt. Loud music doesn't seem to be close to finishing.

Max and El creep to Billy's door. It's unlocked, and there's even a little crack left.

Maxine's stepbrother is lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, a dumb smile on his lips. What an embarrassing idiot.

The girls don't know it - they shouldn't, no-one must know - but Billy is thinking about Harrington, of course.

Various moments flash through his mind, nothing in particular really. He's just picturing Steve's beautiful face. Harrington started wearing this dark gray jacket which looks so fucking good on him. He's also trying something different with his hair, giving it more volume, and it's captivating to watch it bounce.

Hargrove's been lying on his bed like that for almost an hour already.

Max pushes the door a little.

Billy is still ceiling-gazing, hands comfortably tucked under the head, a dreamy dopey expression on his face.

The album's first track is playing again.

What? It's a nice song. He wants to listen to it one more time.

The new album is alright. Too many lyrics are about stupid feelings, but the sound is good.

You're struck by lightning

You're in love

It's not worth fighting

You're in love

Max carefully opens the door wider, and Billy sees the little rat peeping

Dammit.

Two rats, not just one. A fucking rodent invasion, no less.

He reaches out for the volume control to turn it down, so that he can bark out

"Hey! How long have you two been standing there ??"

Max scrunches her nose

"What are you doing? What are you even listening to?"

El is curiously taking a peek from behind her.

"Not your damn business, Maxine!"

"We just want you to make it down! We can't do homework!"

Billy's rolling his eyes.

"Tough luck, pea-brain. Like studying is gonna make you smarter, uh-huh."

"You're a moron yourself!"

"Close the door! Frigging spy!"

Max is feeling braver with El by her side and opts for getting on her stepbrother's nerves a bit more

"What's with the song? Are you in love or something?"

"Shut the damn door, you stupid gremlin! Stop sticking your nose in my life!"

"Nobody cares about your life! Just turn the music down, asshole!"

"SHUT THE EFFING DOOR, MAXINE!"

El is whispering in Max's ear from behind her back

"He is so mean."

Max gives a careless shrug

"He is always mean."

Billy picks up a book and throws it at the door, aiming at the obnoxious redhead who's making his existence so much worse

El shrieks and Max closes the door quickly, dodging the bullet. The volume is immediately turned back up again

"He's so stupid. I hate him so much." Max hisses and takes El by the hand

"Let's go find something to eat."

"Okay. Who is gremlin?"

"Oh you haven't seen "Gremlins"? We should totally have a movie night!"

The girls go to the kitchen where the sounds of Billy's annoying music are not so ear-splitting.

***

On ao3

❤️

[violettholidayyy]

Here’s my interpretation of Violet by The Birthday Massacre

Because it’s almost 2 am

Long story short, I think this song is about not having a place in society

Split it up to be more organized so my lyric interpretations are on the next page 🩵

✨✨✨

The lyrics and what I think they mean:

“The tragic comedy divine”—the idea to embrace change and different ideas than tradition

“Paints the way to peace of mind”—this idea for change in people’s head gives them comfort in knowing that they don’t have to do everything that’s “laid out for them”

“Leaving shallow lovers far behind”—I think this can mean people only in an occupation for the benefits of it, and not because it’s something they like (yall still gonna catch my broke ass doing somethin I love tho, that’s for damn sure)

“Past uncertainties combine/bringing tears to people’s eyes”—The hardships and challenges throughout history discourage people to end up doing what they love in life because they feel that it will get them nowhere

“Memory runs the course of time”—People are reminded of what others accomplished “back in the day” and how everyone has been told they need to do exactly what they did to get anywhere in life

“Blood runs cold beyond/The violet prison for violet visions”—I take this to mean that people who want to take a different route in life than the “historical way to be successful” are viewed as “useless” and that their life is already over if they dare to do something different

By historical way to be successful I mean get married, go to college, work all your life etcetera etcetera…

“Violet prison for Violet visions”—I take “Violet prison” to mean the bubble that (some) people feel trapped in by society. “Violet visions” meaning the other dreams and ideas and plans that people are “allowed” to have and that are viewed as “possible” or “doable”

“And so the broken record plays/As you throw us away”—You get the same old ideas drilled into your head over and over and over again; The people who dare to do something different do the their one and only my life on this floating rock feel discarded by the rest of society

“We’re never enough/We’re drowning in cliches”—pretty self explanatory, people feel trapped and like they’re put into boxes

“So desperate to love/ We’re twisting every word they say”—not really sure what this one means

“So we sleep through the days”—This is their escape from everything (Exhibit A: me and this Tumblr account)

“Within the heat of passion’s war, lust is spilled upon the floor/staining red the wasted metaphor”—I feel like this is about choosing something that gets you money or status (lust) instead of something you actually have a passion and interest for. By this, the lust and drive for doing something that gets you brownie points in the hellscape called society, drowns out the metaphor that people can break out of the bubble

“The selfish need for something more/claws in vain at closing doors”—to me this feels like no matter how much you work, you always feel trapped

“Scarring faces once adored/tracing circles in the violet prison”—sounds like disappointing other people with your choices by choosing something different

Finally finishing this draft from February bc I’m graduating soon and had some hoes tell me some bullshit (which inspired me to finish this) 💀😭

Might go back and edit this if I feel like it

Anything this is just my own interpretation of the song 💜

[jmdbjk]

Down to double digits FINALLY!

I know I've said this so many times I sound like a broken record by now but 2022 FESTA was earth shattering and heartbreaking and 2025 seemed like an ETERNITY back then.

And on December 12, 2023 (my time zone) when they enlisted, 548 days seemed like a daunting, impossible period of time to endure. If I felt that way, I can't imagine what they were feeling.

And now look...

I am crossing off the days on a printed calendar because I want to physically SEE the days dwindle down. That need is probably fueled by some sort of idea that we are down to a manageable concept of time. I don't know. Thinking too hard maybe.

Namjoon is also crossing off the days with us. His long letter on Weverse is amazing as usual. Here is a BTS fanbase account translation (Weverse translations are shit):

Is it spring outside? Here in Hwacheon, it snowed 17 cm. Meanwhile, some parts of Jeonbuk are over 20°C. Korea really has distinct four seasons—pretty fascinating. One of my juniors is randomly building an igloo in front of our quarters. I feel like I’m going to make a lot of memories here. Life is unpredictable. University students are starting their semester, kids are going back to school, and I’ve finally dropped the first digit from my military service countdown. Every day, I cross out a date on the calendar, like Robin Hood. Am I stranded? Maybe. At night, after roll call, I always turn on my reading lamp. Lately, I’ve been reading Erich Fromm’s The Art of Loving, which I’ve been putting off for a while But “the art of love”—what does that even mean? Can love really be something you practice? The book’s point is: We put in hours of practice to get better at painting, playing guitar, or studying… But when it comes to love, the most important thing in life, we just expect to do it naturally, with no effort. Modern society glorifies love as just intense emotions and dramatic moments, but in reality, love is about commitment, promises, and decisions. Love has different types, different temperatures, different expressions. And for us—where love isn’t one-on-one, but one-to-many, many-to-one— what does it really mean? As someone who creates music, what am I making, and what are people hearing? What are we all looking at, and what are we choosing to love? What kind of determination did I have when I stood in front of you all? Anyway, I recommend giving the book a read at least once. (Some ideas might feel a bit outdated since it’s over 50 years old, though.) Three months left—18% to go. I mean, I doubt I’ll die before then. I’ll make sure to return healthy. Time feels heavier here, like a gravity It’s going slow as hell, but even if you hang a military clock upside down, it still ticks So I’ll try flipping it upside down, spinning it 540 degrees—whatever works I’ll take this time to realign my heart & thoughts before I return. I have so many stories to share, both through music and words. Spring is coming. No, actually, it’s already here! (Meanwhile, I’m still shoveling 17 cm of snow…) If you start feeling a little warm, just know that soon enough, I’ll be back to bother you all relentlessly. Until then, live your best lives. Now, I’m off to finish my webtoon. I love you all, today and always. This is my decision and my promise. I miss you! Summer, hurry up and get here already! And those damn cicadas—where are you?! —Namjoon

Translation by @BIGHIT_INFO.

When he says "I doubt I'll die before then"... what the actual fuck, Namjoon? Was it a figure of speech or is it the reality they live with in Korea, still being in a state of conflict with North Korea and being an enlisted man, they know ANYTHING could happen as we saw this past December... 98 DAYS LEFT NAMJOON!!! We will stand strong together and countdown the days!

Tae also wrote a letter on Weverse too:

The snow has come. Snow removal has been done. We have had a snowball fight. I'm good at snowball fights. I’ve become Sergeant 2nd Rank. Now, I’m ranked second here. Soon, I’ll be first. Recently, I became a special-class soldier. I am working out very hard. As I worked out hard, I ended up cracking a rib. But I’ve recovered now. Right now, I’m on a diet. I’m 70kgs. I read a lot of books. Eana noona gave me a lot of books. She gave me so many that I couldn’t read them all. Here, I don’t have insomnia. As soon as I lie down, I just pass out. Even then, waking up in the morning is something I still can’t get used to. I miss ARMY a lot, so I watch concert videos often. I want to dance. I want to sing. One of my junior soldier dongseangs learned the entire “Black Swan” choreography and asked me to watch. But I don’t remember the choreography. I’ve forgotten it. These days, I watch Buried Hearts. Park Hyung-sik actor-nim is cool. I also watched I Live Alone with Jung Hoseok-nim. I felt really sad that I couldn’t go to the concert since it was an opportunity to see Army. Uh… anyway, I miss you all! I love you! 🩶

Translation by @naver_taehyung

He cracked a rib? Good grief, Tae, take it easy. I'm glad to know it's all healed up. And I'm sorry we didn't see he and Namjoon at Hobi's concert too. But Jin was there:

I watched Hope on the Stage livestream D-2. He is amazing. I can't wait to see him in real life with my own two eyeballs.

Have I mentioned yet I'm going to see Hobi in San Antonio? I know I have not mentioned it yet... I'M GOING TO SEE HOBI!!!

It's clear to me that Hobi created the set list to pace himself. When thinking about the BTS concerts I've experienced as livestreams in the last few years they've always started out with intense choreography, especially Yet to Come Busan when they opened with Mic Drop and then went right into Run BTS (the song).

What will the reboot of BTS be like? Will a concert set list be all group songs? Or will it include solo work too?

I hope the song Take Two is included. I love that song.

Going forward, I can see where subunits may come into play. Hobi, Yoongi and Namjoon. Jimin and Jungkook. Jin and Taehyung – would love to see those two do a modern take on a old-timey concept like Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly.

I'm thinking solo work will remain solo now that they've all carved out their own niches in the music industry.

But let's see what y'all think:

And before I forget, it is officially MinMarch. Yoongi's birthday is next week. The birthday buses and posters and cafe events are ramping up:

Anyway... THREE MONTHS LEFT until we are at the cusp of June and the anticipation will build every day until then.

[solemnlydairy]

one particularly normal morning, I open the sliding door to my small backyard. I’m in a ripped white take and dirty underwear. I’m drinking a cup of coffee. In the sky, I see a plane, dangerously close to me. A thick black cord hangs from the plane and at the bottom a man dangling, tied to the plane by his left ankle. The plane and man start to come closer. This would be such a funny Snapchat I think. With a caption like “that’s so me”. I run inside to grab my phone, I come out and think he’s disappeared but no the man is now caught in some telephone wires trying to free himself. The airplane hovers higher slowly trying to pull him up. The man frees himself, and grabs on the cord in an up right position, he then pulls out a cigarette and starts smoking. I finally press record. I didn’t like it. I delete the snap and record again, the man yells something in my direction, it sounds like he’s concerned and angry.

I think nothing of it. I forget to send the snap.

The next day, an old white man - clean shaven - appears at my door in a beige trench coat and holding a Manila folder. I live with my ex boyfriend.

“Greetings ma’am” the pudgy old man stutters out. He said a bunch of gibberish and said he had to fill out some forms with me regarding the incident. He said there are parts that I will need a representative for… I didn’t know what that meant, I assumed it’s similar to a guardian where someone needs to be there with you. I guess I could ask my ex. I tried to tell him now’s not a good time, I was about to move back to my parents place today.

“It’s imperative we get this done as soon as possible, albeit it is a lengthy process… and if you don’t have a representative with you….”

He forces himself in and has a look of shock on his face when he sees how awful the place looks. Broken dishes from last nights argument, a stack of messily duck taped boxes, clothes strewn across the floor. Food splattered on the walls - also from last nights argument.

When Joel and I moved in together, I thought it was true love. I consistently make rash decisions. Three weeks in he’s treating me like a maid, and if I don’t do everything perfectly he gets really upset. He hasn’t ever hurt me physically - thank god. I’m actually the one who broke our dinner plates yesterday, frustrated when he kept critiquing the way I played his Mac n cheese. That’s when I had it and decided to start packing. He left last night, and god knows when he’s coming back. I hoped to be gone by then.

The man cleared himself some space at the table and sat down. He took out his pen and opened the Manila folder.

“A-alright” he stuttered “please have a seat ma’am, let’s start with your name”

“Meena”

“And can you spell that out for me”

“M, E, E-“

The door swings open. Joel walks in, looking agitated and clearly drunk.

“You want to throw away our entire life together all because I didn’t like the food you made!” He exclaimed. “God women are so crazy, I’m sure this guy gets it” he said pointing to the man at the table. “This your dad? Didn’t think you’d have a white dad” He’s met my parents before, I’m glad I’m leaving.

“Oh dear,” the old man said, “I see this is really not a good time. Can I help you load the boxes in your car?”

“Sure.”

We pack up my car to the brim. My boyfriend, my ex boyfriend passed out on the couch.

“Good luck” the old man says, “I must leave, but I will be back to finish these forms”

Exactly three days later. I am having breakfast with my family. I made pancakes for my younger siblings. There was so much love in the house. A knock at the door.

The old man stands in the doorway. Same exact look as last time, this time there were two strands of hair out of place. He gives me to same speil. He sits at our breakfast table clearing some space. My mom is concerned, but I tell her it’s just a formality.

“Do you have representation?”

I nodded, still not understanding what representation meant, I assumed my mom or dad could be mine.

“Ok, it looks like we didn’t get far last time. Name?”

“Meena, spelled M-E…” you get the gist. Then he asked for my last name, birthdate, place of residence. I hestitated, I didn’t want to put my parents place on this document. I didn’t want it to be traced back to them. He looked indrestandly and said we can come back to that question.

Suddenly my youngest sister runs in screaming and crying. My parents try to calm her. Where’s my brother, Arya? He was with her when the went outside. She’s screaming his name. She points outside. My mom carries her and we all go out, to find my brothers lifeless body.

I can’t tell how much time passed, the man gives me his condolences and says that this may not be the best time.

Two years later. I go to the movies with some friends. A kindergarten teacher and an Olympic athlete. We usually spend Sundays like this. We go the movies, have a laugh, share some popcorn, make out in the back and then go back to one of our places and fuck. While heading back to my car from the movies, I thought I saw a beige trench coat across the street. I shook the thought. We went back to Nara’s place. For an Olympic athlete, she lived in a really shitty building.

“My friend Marie’s been staying over, she’ll probably join us today. She’s a lawyer.” We take each others clothes off while discussing the movie, and filling in Marie on the plot. Marie and Nara are making out, while grace trails kisses down Marie’s legs. I tap out for a water break.

A knock at the door. The same man, this time he looks disheveled. He hasn’t shaven or slept a for weeks. He says the same speech.

“I cut him short, yeah sure let’s just finish this. There’s no table here, I’ll meet you in the cafe downstairs. Give me a second to look decent.”

“Ok, do you have representation?”

I was about to say no when my Brian finally put together that representation might be referring to legal. “I might have something” I say “and shit the door.”

The girls are sitting on the bed waiting for me. “Who was that?” Grace, the teacher, asks. I’m in a rush.

“I don’t have time to explain, but I think I might need legal representation. It’s nothing bad I hope, I saw something I wasn’t supposed to see years ago and I don’t really know what’s going on but he says I need representation. I know it’s asking too much of someone I just met but Marie, do you think you could come with me?” I rambled. Marie looked at me with those beautiful kind brown eyes.

“Calm down Meena. I’ll come with you, you can explain everything to me on the way. We don’t talk to him until you tell me everything.”

Marie and I go down to the cafe. He’s sitting there pen in hand ready.

[princesscolumbia]

Code of Ethics - Ch. 21 - Walkable Landing

This is the largest separation between publications of chapters I've had for this fic to date, but that's only because I've been focussing on new stuff going to my Patreon. Enterprising followers will also note the addition of this fic on my AO3 page, though I haven't gotten all chapters up-to-date yet.

Also, if I keep writing at my current pace, I may have to increase my release frequency.

Diane's Commander's Ability has given her a foothold into the slaver's station, now to just finish them off...

Preview below the cut:

She wound up selecting, ‘Swinging on a Star,’ having been inspired by the bouncy, bold brass of the big band sound she’d not-quite-on-purpose summoned to break into the station. She was apparently so ‘in the zone’ with her Commander’s Ability by that point that all it took was for her to start the music up over the starbase’s PA system (and, apparently, her comms as indicated by Russe gasping in childlike wonder) was to step off the lift and ‘snap’ her fingers while thinking of the song. As soon as her armor-clad middle finger ‘clacked’ against the palm of her gauntlet (the physics of the finger snap were, she would wind up researching later, completely broken and meant that if you had your hand in any sort of glove just wouldn’t create an actual ‘snap’ sound) the sound of drums and horns kicked off the song.

What followed was about one and a half minutes of a practical slaughter set to music that was nearly two-hundred years old and, by the time she’d heard it the first time in kindergarten, was considered a children’s song and usually set to a jouncy-flouncy piano tune. Her father had been a collector of vintage (meaning genuinely antique) vinyl records. Almost as soon as he heard six-year old Dylan singing it to a group of carefully arranged action figures he dug out an old (really old) recording that had been salvaged from some collection somewhere. To Diane’s later shame, she hadn’t ever paid enough attention to her father’s stories about his collection before her mom died, and after mom’s death he just shut down before committing suicide when she was 11 and Tiffany proceeded to sell off or trash anything she didn’t see value in keeping from Diane’s parents, including all her dad’s old records.

This is for you, dad, she found herself thinking as she sang, “...and by the way, if you hate to go to school, you may grow up to be a mule!” before delivering to a charging slaver a superfluously new orifice in the center of his chest.

A couple of centuries ago some man named Frank Sinatra had poured just an absolute master-class level of sass into a song that seemed, on the surface, to be about a bunch of animals and their associated behavior. It was just non-sensical enough that if the listener wasn’t paying attention, they might miss that the lyrics were highlighting behaviors that were antisocial or undesirable in a civil society and comparing them to less than appealing animals.

She racked another round into her shotgun’s chamber and did a sliding Charleston step to dodge an energy round from a pistol fired at her from down the hall before returning fire with the kind of accuracy and resulting carnage a shotgun in an urban combat environment could bring. “Would you like to swing on a star?” Naturally, the lyrics felt particularly appropriate during the chorus, which was all about the ambition to stride the heavens as a metaphor for being successful at life.

She did a little dancing twirl, as though she were wearing ballet flats instead of combat-rated gravity boots and took out two more crewmen with two trigger pulls on the beat, “Carry moonbeams home in a jar,” after all, her entire purpose as a player in this game was to become a truly phenomenal station commander and eventually be powerful enough to change the astropolitical space-scape, right?

Diane’s mental count of shots fired from her shotgun told her she’d discharged the last round, so she slung the long-gun over her shoulder, letting the carry strap catch it against her back, as she lifted the P390 to her shoulder and flicked the fire select switch from ‘Full’ to ‘Burst’ and ventilated four slavers trying to cram into the hallway she was walking down through a door clearly meant for a single person at a time, “And be better off then you are...or would you rather be a pig?” Of course, she was supposed to be looking for rogue A.I. and infiltrating spaces they were supposed to be hiding so future hunts could eliminate the threat to humanity, but it was decidedly unlikely that any of these goons she was popping were A.I. beyond the ‘dumb’ kind that managed NPCs in games. She was more likely to find a rogue either in Ops or hidden-in-plain-site among the slaves.

So why not have some fun in the meantime?

There was a natural break in the song between the end of the chorus where the next animal to be discussed was named and the actual verse featuring its attributes, so Diane started doing a skipping dance down the hallway to the music, section now free of hostiles. Russe’s voice cut in, “Oh, lookie there,” he said as preamble, “Someone’s asking nicely to use the comms!”

Diane paused in her dancing stroll and glanced around. She spotted a room with an open door, someone’s office from the looks of it, and ducked inside before saying, “Really? Think they’re offering to surrender?”

“Only one way to find out, you want me to put ‘em on?”

She grinned, perhaps a little savagely, “Why not? It’s only sporting.”

Read the rest on Scribble Hub

[audio-luddite]

More Old Vinyl

I warmed up the steam powered stereo with Apple Music and Billy Joel. We were watching that TV special in a place they let him finish his last song. So with all these songs in my head I decided to let them ride. He has a lot of songs.

After 90 minutes I decided to dust off Bruce Springsteen. Also NY metro as in New Jersey rather than Long Island. ( I have a bit of history in that area) I have a few Springsteen albums. I pulled out "Darkness at the edge of town" and "The River". These I think map his shift from a Jersey Shore party punk to more of an urban version of country music. Soulful and reflective and solid common man stuff.

Oh and full disclosure, I saw mention of these on that annoying Better-Records site. They want $750 USD for one apparently very good copy of the River.

I and thought hey why not. I have those.

I never thought to listen to these "critically" I bought them new soon after their release. I only played them on good equipment and kept them clean. The two albums consist of three disks total.

Darkness was a clean and rather hot record on the first track. The extreme treble was almost too much, not distorted or wrong, just like the knob was turned a bit too far. The rest were more reasonable. No clicks or dirt sound and very good condition for an early 80s disk. There actually was some realistic space which I find surprising in a studio record. The drums and Bass were very good. That record store wanted $400 USD for their copy.

My copy has intensity and drive and all those things. I know that the Boss was looking for a particular sound ( I read his book) and that was tricky as he and SVZ were new to the producer game. Generally they seem to have got it in the end.

The River was more reflective and felt more influenced by old school country and folk like Hank Williams and Woody Guthrie. (I am old remember). There are two disks with one of my favorites "Hungry Heart". My granddaughter likes that song too and sings along with her 7 year old voice. One of the interesting things is I often play this off my Iphone in the car and well it sounds much better than that on the big system, surprise! Overall it has good sound and timbre and even space. But it is not about sonic tricks and that. It is a document on dreams, pain, and loss. Hey if you want a scholarly analysis, that exists just wiki it. I am just one guy in the crowd.

You know this curating of old records is laced with irony. Who spends almost $1100 bucks to buy 2 "good copies" of albums singing about failure, loss, broken dreams, and the working class? It almost feels like betrayal. Hey I know Bruce is wealthy and successful now, but then..... He worked really hard for it.

If a disk is free from damage and dirt let it spin dammit. Clean it if needs be. Listening critically is not what you are supposed to do with this stuff. It is not for audiophiles, but just normal guys. If such has a nice system well rock on. If not just share the feeling.