#i shoulda gone yesterday :(

[prestonmonterey]

i hate bein sick :(

could someone send me asks or somethin im really bored and cant do anything today

[noellawrites]

Comfort - Sonny Carisi x sibling!reader

summary: your big brother comes to check on you and decides to stay a while.

author’s note: dedicated to my beloved, @rafaslittleboy <3

warnings: incest (touching and kissing), thunderstorms

—

The house was totally quiet. Not a single sound to be heard, and you were tucked into your bed tightly as you waited for your big brother to arrive home.

Time dragged by and suddenly you found yourself falling into a deep sleep filled with dreams of your big brother, Sonny.

You hear a noise and begin to stir, blinking the sleep from your eyes. You were tucked in tight and the feeling of your warm blankets was so comforting. You try not to move around too much, instead focusing on the noises downstairs.

It has to be Sonny, it just has to be. Your parents were gone for the weekend to celebrate their anniversary and your sisters hardly ever came home.

You threw back the covers, already biting your lip in anticipation. The wooden floors creak beneath your feet as you walk downstairs, right to the comforting arms of your older brother.

“Hey, doll! Hope I didn’t wake ya?” he said, wrapping his long arms around your torso and pulling you into a hug.

“Of course not, Dommy. Did mom ‘n dad send you to check up on me?”

“Nah, I wanted t’make sure you were okay. Thought I could spend the night, if it’s alright w’you? Don’t want ‘ya to be all alone in this big house all night,” he teases, cupping your cheek in his hand. You try to hide the blush rising up your face.

“Of course, you’re more than welcome. It’s been a little scary here the past few nights,” you admit, causing your brother to look at you with a concerned expression.

“Shoulda’ told me, doll. I woulda’ come ova’ right away,” he frowns.

“Sorry,” you say sheepishly, clasping your hands behind your back.

It was already evening and the darkness had begun to set in through the windows of your family’s house. Staten Island was quiet compared to the other boroughs, but sometimes the lack of noise creeped you out.

It didn’t help that a thunderstorm was supposed to be rolling in tonight. You were secretly glad to have the company. You would hate to be alone during a bad storm.

“I grabbed ‘ya favorite from Silvestro’s on my way here,” your brother says, handing you the red printed plastic ‘Thank You’ bag with a smile.

“Oh, Dommy! You shouldn’t have!” you smile, taking the bag from him.

“Nah, I wanted to. It’s been a tough week. Some bad cases, stuff with ‘manda ‘n the kids…” he trails off, looking away. You can tell he wants to change the subject.

“Oh, I also have something you might want after a stressful week,” you say, suddenly remembering the bottle of cheap whiskey you’d bought from the bodega yesterday.

For some reason, you’d thought you might need it if you invited some friends over, but you figured you could take it to some of your friends who live in the dorms if you didn’t end up needing it.

“And what could that be, doll?” he asks, “Maybe a back rub? Some cannoli?”

“Better,” you smirk, reaching your hand deep into a cabinet and pulling out a cheap bottle of Four Freedoms Whiskey.

“Hey— you know the rule, you’re not supposed to drink in ‘ma ‘n dad’s house,” he snaps, grabbing the bottle from you.

“That’s not fair! I’m the legal drinking age, I can drink whenever I want!” you whine, leaning over to try and grab the bottle from your brother.

You’re too late, as he’s already standing up and opening the bottle. Your brother is a lot taller than you, and you can only watch as he takes a large swig of the whiskey.

Furious, you jump up and try to reach his long arm, where his hand grasped the bottle you’d paid for.

“Don’t worry, doll. I’ll pay ‘ya back,” he laughs, taking another drink.

“You better, that was nine dollars,” you grumble.

“Hey, ‘ya know ma’s rule, no drinkin’ at home ‘til ‘ya twenty five,” he warns, putting the bottle on top of a cabinet you couldn’t reach.

“And you all wonder why I spend so much time at the dorms and the clubs. At least they don’t make me feel bad for being a normal twenty-one year old!” you yell.

Nothing pissed you off more than all the rules your siblings had “mostly” followed and you also had to obey as the youngest Carisi.

“That’s enough. Now sit down and eat your sandwich,” Sonny sighs, rubbing his forehead and plopping down in one of the wooden kitchen chairs.

You could tell your brother had been having issues with Amanda for a while. And now, after you had acted like a petulant child, you could see just how exhausted your older brother looked.

“I’m sorry, Dommy. It’s just— some of the rules make it tough for me to, you know, just be an adult.”

“I know, doll. I’m sorry. Things’ve been hard with ‘manda ‘n the girls lately. ‘N I’m just happy to see ‘ya,” he gives you a tired smile and rubs his hand along your arm.

“Just relax while you’re here, Dommy. Don’t worry about anything else. It’s just you and me.”

Between the two of you eating your sandwiches, your brother told you a few stories of him growing up to try and make you feel better. And it did, all the way up until you heard a loud rumble and a clap of thunder striking.

Your eyes widened, looking out the kitchen window as a flash of lightning crossed the sky.

Another clap of thunder rang out and a gasp escaped your mouth. You clamped your hand over your mouth and Sonny dragged his chair closer to you, concerned.

“I-I’m okay,” you squeak, sounding decidedly less-than-okay.

All of a sudden, rain started to patter against the windows, fat droplets like the tears that were threatening to spill. You hated thunderstorms, specifically loud ones. You couldn’t shake the feeling that the world was ending whenever they struck Staten Island.

“You wanna go lay down, doll? I’ll bring ‘ya up some tea.”

All you can do is nod and turn to the staircase, taking a deep breath as you go one step at a time. It usually isn’t this hard for you to go up the stairs, but the weather outside is enough to make your body tremble as you clutch the handrail.

You’re only laying down for a few moments when you hear your older brother enter. He pulls on the bedside lamp and your room fills with a soft light.

“Oh, doll—“ he says upon seeing your shaking figure hiding partially under the covers.

“Dommy, c-can you lay with me?” you ask, voice wavering. Your brother immediately softens, laying the mug on your nightstand and throwing the covers back just enough for him to wiggle his way in.

“I’m here, ‘ya don’t have to be scared. I’ve got ‘ya,” Sonny promises, laying his hand on your shoulder.

Wordlessly, you turn and burrow into his arms, pressing your face against his chest. He wraps his arms around you and kisses the top of your head.

For some reason, the action pains you. You want him to kiss you on the lips and all the way down your tummy. You want to kiss him back, to comfort him in the way Amanda can’t.

“I love you, Dommy,” you whimper. Rain patters harder against the window and his arms tighten.

“I’m gettin’ divorced. Me ‘n ‘manda… we just ain’t workin’ out,” he whispers, so quietly that you almost didn’t hear him.

“I-I’m sorry,” you say, trying to hide the shock in your voice. As much as you despised Amanda for taking your brother’s attention away and treating him so poorly, you had always thought things were going smoothly between them.

You lift your chin, looking at your brother’s face as it’s illuminated by the lightning outside. He looks like the same Dommy he’s always been, but more open somehow. He looks at you almost expectantly, and you’re not entirely sure what to make of it.

All you know is that you desperately want to kiss him. And so you do.

You lean up slightly, meeting his lips. You’re kissing your big brother, twenty years older than you and married, although not for long. And you’re even more shocked that he’s kissing you back, pressing against you enough to make you realize that he wants this just as much as you. Or maybe even more.

His big, warm hand reaches down and presses against your lower tummy. You gasp pleasantly, and as his fingers drift lower, the storm is all but forgotten.

“Dommy— r-right there,” you gasp as his fingers inch between your legs and into your warmth.

“Jus’ like this, doll?” he smirks and you nod, looking up at him with puppy eyes.

“I’m gonna take off ‘ya shirt, okay doll? And I’ll take mine off, too.”

You want nothing more than for him to take your tiny little hole, stretch it out for your big brother. You can feel a heated desire blooming in your center and you’re close to tears, so needy for him.

You nod and he lifts up your shirt, coldness hitting you despite being under the covers. His shirt is the next to go, and you’re left ogling at his toned torso, although with a slightly rounded tummy after all of ma’s cannolis.

“Want ‘ya like this foreva’, doll. You’re mine,” he huffs before pulling you into an open-mouthed kiss. You wouldn’t want to belong to anybody else.

[augustjustice]

Sharing Smokes Outside the Snow Ball

AO3 Link

It's the Winter of 1999, and Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson are standing outside the Hawkins Middle School Snow Ball, sharing a smoke.

Eddie can't believe he's back here, the whole thing feeling nearly as surreal as that nightmare, wayward Spring Break over ten years ago. He'd barely made it out of that hell hole alive, Steve himself practically having to hold Eddie together as they made their way from Forest Hill to Hawkins Memorial Hospital.

Spring had turned into summer, sweltering and oppressive as Eddie slowly, painfully healed.

There had been bright spots, though. Watching Lucas and Erica squabble during the one-shot campaign he had cooked up just for the party that June. Evenings out beside the Harrington's temperature controlled pool, beer bottle sweating in his hand as he traded a joint back and forth between Argyle and Jonathan, the sound of Robin's cackle loud and bright as she managed to hipcheck Steve into the pool. Steve's own blinding smile--a longtime feature of Eddie's secret high school fantasies--being turned on him the first time he made it from the front doors of the physical therapy clinic to the passenger side of his BMW, without needing any help at all.

But then summer had ended, and Eddie, finally back together again like a character out of a children's nursery rhyme, had packed up his van and headed straight to Chicago, not looking back.

Sure, there'd been post cards sent, phone calls to Dustin and the other Hellfire brats, promises to see everyone soon. Promises that Eddie couldn't keep, even if he wanted to.

Not when he didn't dare set foot in Hawkins, not ever again.

Then, over a decade into his second life as a struggling guitarist by night, record shop employee by day, his cousin Brooke had landed on his doorstep, looking too tired and too young all at once, a bruise around her eye. Behind her, her eleven year old son was studying the apartment hall's tiling.

"I left him." Eddie didn't need an explanation for that one. Her good-for-nothing husband, Nash. "Jake won't be any trouble, he just...needs a place to stay, while I get back on my feet. Somewhere his daddy can't find him. Just for a little while."

Eddie thought of his Mama. And then he called Wayne.

"Shit, Uncle Wayne, I--don't know what to do."

"Come on home now, boy," Wayne said, easy as anything, like Eddie had left only yesterday. "Come on back home."

So Eddie had.

That had been six months ago. And now he was standing in the aforementioned middle school parking lot with Steve 'the Hair' Harrington, while their kids--and wasn't that just a fucking head trip and a half--danced the night away.

"I keep half expecting Click to round the corner screaming my name," Eddie admits as he gives Steve a light. "Remember junior year, I sold to you in the alley behind the gym? Old bat nearly got me that time."

"Remember? I literally had to shove that joint down the front of my shorts, dude," Steve admits, which draws a snort out of Eddie to match his own chuckle. "Most of the guys on the basketball team couldn't move half as fast as you did that day. You practically vanished into the woods before she even made it to the stadium. Totally shoulda gone out for the track team, Eds."

Eddie clutches his chest, as though he's been shot. "Don't speak such blasphemy to me, Harrington."

"Yeah, well, you can quit worrying. Pretty sure she finally retired," Steve tells him, taking a long drag before he's passing the cigarette back to Eddie, even that brief touch enough to send sparks of electricity up Eddie's arm. Then he shoots Eddie that charming, infamous Harrington smile, boyish and cocky, the one that says he's used to getting exactly what he wants. "Even if she's not, I'm head of the PTA. If Higgins tries anything, I'll just threaten not to bring cupcakes to the next bake sale."

"Harrington, my hero," Eddie fakes a swoon, collapsing for a brief second against Steve's shoulder, an excuse to get close.

The theatrics get no rise out of Steve beyond an amused smirk. Even after all these years, he's still used to Eddie's antics, it seems.

"You know, it was total déjà vu," he nods to the middle school gymnasium, all decked out in blue and white, "dropping Sam off here."

Though he's actually gotten to know the Harrington offspring in person since he's been back, Eddie had received the rundown from Dustin and the others on Steve's journey to dadhood in their scattered calls over the years.

The December after Eddie had left, Steve had met a girl, taken her out on a few dates, and accidentally gotten her pregnant.

With Samantha, a name Dustin had proudly persuaded Steve into as the little girl's godfather. Every bit as adorable, now that Eddie had seen her, as the gushing picture the party had painted for him, all big blue eyes and wavy chestnut hair just like her father's.

Steve had gotten down on one knee long before she was born, determined to tie the knot and do right by her mother nearly as soon as he'd heard the news.

The pair had been divorced not even two years later.

"I don't think they were ever really in love," Dustin had informed Eddie one sunny afternoon impromptu of nothing, as always blunt in his honesty. "But you know what Steve is like. He's a hopeless romantic."

Eddie didn't, not exactly. But he's gotten enough glimpses, both back in '86 and much more recently, that he's starting to put the picture together.

Steve draws Eddie out of that particular reverie with another bright laugh. And then he's recounting the memory of Dustin's hair, done up in the infamous Harrington 'do, as Steve pulled up in front of the '84 Snow Ball playing chaperone in his trusty Beemer, long since traded in for the much more affordable sedan he's driving now.

"I demand photographic evidence, Harrington," Eddie insists, smile crooked, that distracting dimple appearing in his right cheek, "you can't conjure up an image like that and then not fork over the goods."

"Hey, man, talk to Dustin. Mrs. Henderson took like...a million pictures that night," Steve laughs.

But he's already mentally going through the album tucked away on a bookcase back at home, positive he's got his own photo to show for it. It'll make for a nice excuse to invite Eddie over for dinner one night.

The subject turns then to their own checkered experiences with school dances.

"Class of '85, baby! That's when they made your 'King Steve' title official," Eddie crows, teasing as he taps Steve once on the nose.

Steve goes a bit cross-eyed, following the movement of his finger.

"Yeah, well, talk about a total let-down of a night. I didn't even bring a date," Steve admits, tone blasé. The truth is, his entire senior year had been something of a disappointed trudge towards graduation, a walk he had taken mostly alone. There had been bright spots--the little band of miscreants he'd fallen into babysitting, for one--but they had all been far outside the walls of Hawkins High. "I'm guessing you weren't around for that? Not really your scene, especially with the Munson Doctrine's strict rules about 'forced conforming.'"

He puts Eddie's words in deliberate air quotes, his turn to give him a teasing smile.

"You're wrong about that one, big boy. I saw them, adorning your glorious locks with the crown." That mischievous smile is back. "We're not that old, dude, don't tell me you already forgot the whole 'prom streaking' incident?"

Eddie shoots him a loaded, deliberate look.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute." Shaking his head with a laugh, Steve waves his arms in front of him, like he's calling a time out. "You've gotta be fucking kidding me. That was you?"

"The one and only. What can I say, Jeff and Gareth dared me. Besides, by that point," Eddie shrugs casually, "I already knew I didn't have a shot at graduating anyway, so. Thought I'd close out the year with a bang."

"You've seriously never considered doing anything halfway in your life, have you, Munson?" Steve asks, giving Eddie's shoulder an almost exasperated nudge, smile fond in spite of himself.

"Absolutely not, Stevie boy. Life's too short. Where's the fun in playing it safe?"

Eddie swings into Steve's space, then, dark eyes sparkling. Goading and flirtatious. Just like when they were teenagers, thrown together in the worst of circumstances but making the best of it, before time and pain and trauma put all that distance between them.

And if Steve's eyes drop down to Eddie's lips as they share air, slow enough it can't be anything but deliberate, and their fingers brush just a tad too intimately the next time they trade the cigarette back and forth...well. They've got a lot of lost time--and shared smokes in school parking lots--to make up for.

[enchantedlandcoffee]

Thought I Lost You lyrics - Louis Tomlinson (unreleased)

Should have known better, all along What a high before you were gone My heart I should have given you Time creeps by when I'm missing you

Just the thought of you, moving on Got me realising, you're the one Not one night I don't think of you Slipping right, slipping right, through my arms

Hey you know I thought that I had lost you forever, I'll hold you like I shoulda held you long ago, Baby, baby, it's the good times I remember, Oh, say it aint, say it aint over, But babe I thought I lost you

(Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) Babe I thought I lost you (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)

Don't it seem like, just yesterday Something told me I, should have stayed My heart I didn't listen to There's just no getting over you

Never thought it was gonna change We'd be going our seperate ways Not one night I don't think of you Telling me, telling me, it's too late

Hey you know I thought that I had lost you forever, I'll hold you like I shoulda held you long ago, Baby, baby, it's the good times I remember, Oh, say it aint, say it aint over, But babe I thought I lost you

(Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) Babe I thought I lost you (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) Babe I thought I lost you

Saying it all tonight (We don't have to lie) (Make up for lost time) Saying it all tonight (We don't have to hide) (Make up for lost time)

Hey you know I thought that I had lost you forever, I'll hold you like I shoulda held you long ago, Baby, baby, it's the good times I remember, Oh, say it ain't, say it ain't over, But babe I thought I lost you

(Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) Babe I thought I lost you (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) Babe I thought I lost you

[robinruns]

Ugh

Yesterday I made the mistake of mentioning to my mom that I was home sick. This turned into her calling me to rant about Shandy's vet for 36 minutes. I don't want to tell her when I have days off because I feel like she just sees those as opportunities to get me to do things for/with her. Usually resulting in her talking nonstop at me for the entire time I'm there. The time I went there after my Taking Back Sunday show, she didn't even ask about it until I got a chance to bring up something related to it.

She and my dad were setting themselves up for failure financially their whole lives and now all she does is complain about not having any money and spending it needlessly. She just texted me to complain that she forgot a bag of groceries in her car on Monday and that somehow means she's done trying to spend responsibly, as if those things are connected somehow.

I'm so fucking frustrated right now I'm almost in tears. I know, I've KNOWN! that she needs mental health help for years, but in typical boomer fashion, she has no interest in receiving it. She'd rather be miserable and wallow in self-pity and frustration than take steps to maybe improve her life. I don't know at this point if I should be looking into ways to take control financially and/or legally because she's basically stating she's going to live recklessly with no regard for her future financial wellbeing simply because she doesn't like change.

I'm so frustrated. I'm so tired of having to parent my mom. I understand why she's upset, but being mad that my dad's gone and that you're in a tough financial situation doesn't make it better.

Sometimes I think I shoulda just ended it in 2019 and then I wouldn't be dealing with this shit now

[hopefulatrocity]

From The Ashes-Chapter 7

Note:  Note: First off, thank you for your likes and comments. This is a lot later post than I intended it to be. I’m working really hard on Chapter 9 and it’s taking me longer than I thought. That chapter is when Pheonyx and Daryl officially start the search for Sophia.  So, they’re alone and there isn’t a lot of show dialogue for me to bounce off of. I had a couple days of writer's block and I’ve been working slowly on it. I keep rearranging how I want their conversation to go and also rewatching the season over and over to make sure I’m characterizing Daryl correctly. I want it to be believable. Long story short, I don’t want to post chapter 8 until I have 9 done, so it might be a bit until I’ve posted it. I think once I get over this hump, since it’s the first one on one scene with Daryl and Pheonyx(with Kismet as his wingman) that I’ll be able to write faster. Hopefully. Also sorry for how short this is. The last chapter and this one was originally one chapter but I want to keep my chapters around the same length(3-4k) and it ended up over 6k. So I split it up. 

Chapter TW/CW: internal homophobia, transphobia, descriptions of past abuse, denial of sexuality?(Not sure how to describe it), self-deprecating thoughts, parental death.

Dividers by: @firefly-graphics and @omiyours

Banner by: @liminal-creations​ 

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Masterlist

DARYL'S POV

As Daryl was making his way away from the service, fully intending to head straight into the woods to continue the search for Sophia, Rick caught up to his long strides and cut him off. The cop stood in front of him and Daryl narrowed his eyes at the man. 

“Before you head out, I want to get the group together to make a plan for the search.”, Rick said. 

“Ain’t got time for that, man. Shoulda been out at first light lookin’ for the girl.”, Daryl snapped, annoyed at being held up. 

Rick placed his hands on his hips, one hand hovering on the grip of his Colt Python. “Just listen, please. Hershel’s stepson has offered his help for the search. And I’d like you to partner up with him.” Daryl was about to cut in, but Rick continued,  “He’s an experienced tracker and hunter, and he knows these woods better than any of us do. He says he’s been working with his dog on scent tracking, too. With both of you, and the dog, looking for Sophia, I think we have a better chance of finding her.” 

Daryl shook his head, irritated. He worked better alone. His focus needed to be on finding the girl and he couldn’t do that with someone else following him around. Having the group with him yesterday was bad enough. The woods were his domain, his comfort zone. Some stranger on his coattails, mucking up the trails, and making noise while he was trying to concentrate, wasn’t something he wanted to deal with. Not when a little girl’s life was on the line. 

As if reading his mind, Rick said, “Just talk to him. That’s all I ask. If you don’t want to work with him after that, then fine.” 

Daryl wanted to tell him off, or to just walk away. Before he could, Rick was turning and waving a hand to call over Pheonyx, who had been walking back towards the house from Otis’s tribute. Daryl noticed a slight hesitation and stiffening of the man’s body as he looked between Rick and himself. But it was gone in a blink of an eye. The hound dog followed behind Pheonyx and they both stopped in front of the two men. 

Rick smiled at the younger man. Daryl felt his ears warm as Pheonyx lifted the corners of his mouth in return. The heat spread to his face as the other man’s green eyes met his own. The light shade of green reminded him of the pair of fern plants his momma planted in front of their trailer when he was 7 years old. The old mobile home had been extremely run down. Paint was peeling off the walls and several windows had cracks or were missing from his Pa’s violent outbursts. The small grass patch in front of the trailer was often overgrown and full of weeds. But his momma wanted to fix the place up. Unfortunately they didn’t have a lot of money for paint, or pretty flowers to plant. They didn’t have a lot of money for anything really. Momma worked as a waitress at the local diner but most of the money she made, his Pa stole to use for drugs or alcohol. He remembered the day she brought home those little ferns though. His Pa had been off on a bender for a week, like usual. She carried the tiny plants in with a huge smile on her face. They'd been on clearance at the local hardware store because some of the leaves were dried out but his momma was convinced it just needed a little love and care. That afternoon, Daryl and Merle helped her clean up the yard. Merle borrowed the neighbor’s push mower to mow the small yard and Daryl helped Momma weed the area around the front door. He and Merle dug the small holes on either side of the door for the plants, stopping to throw dirt at each other occasionally. When the ferns were planted, the trio stood, Momma’s arms wrapped around both boys’ shoulders, and looked at the trailer. It was still shitty. The paint was still falling off and there was still cardboard on the windows. But the little plants with dried leaves made it look like home. Over the next couple of years, as his mother’s depression and alcohol problems grew, so did the plants. They grew so big that his Pa forced him to cut part of them down because he kept tripping on the long leaves when he would stumble home at night. Despite that, the plants thrived and every time Daryl saw them, he was reminded of that day with Merle and momma. The look of joy on her face. It was one of the few happy memories he had with her. And it was all destroyed the day the trailer caught fire.

The ferns burned away. Right along with his momma. 

Daryl felt his heart ache at the reminder of his mother. But the green of Pheonyx’s eyes still reminded him of that happy day and he was almost entranced. He barely even registered Rick standing next to him. 

“Pheonyx, this is Daryl Dixon. He’s the tracker I mentioned yesterday. He’s been headin’ up the search for Sophia. Daryl, this is Hershel’s stepson. Both Maggie and Hershel say he is an expert on the property and woods surrounding it. He’s offered his services-”, a loud bark from the mutt sitting at Pheonyx’s side had Rick pausing for a moment. “And his dog, to help find Sophia. I’d appreciate it if you two would work together to head up the search for her.”

The arms he had crossed over his chest tensed. As entranced as he was by the man across from him, he couldn’t work with him. In all honesty, he was slightly scared of the emotions he was feeling. They were unraveling the identity that he had clung to for so long. He hadn’t even spoken to Pheonyx yet and his stomach was already in knots. He had to stay far away from him. Maybe then, the feelings would go away. He wanted to lash out at Rick, at Pheonyx, the emotional turmoil raging in his head. But that wouldn’t do anything besides alienate himself further from this group. It might even put them in jeopardy of being kicked off the farm. And he couldn’t do that to them. 

“Work better alone”, he grunted at the man, not even looking at Rick. 

Pheonyx gave a nod, not taking offense to what he said. “So do I. But I spent last night creating a plan for the search. We can split up tomorrow but I need your help at least for today. I’ve been working with Kismet,” he tilted his head towards the dog at his side, some of his brown hair falling over his forehead. Daryl fought the urge to reach out and brush it back. “, on scent tracking for the last month. I need you to take me to exactly where she and Rick split up. He can follow her trail from there. It hasn’t rained so he shouldn’t have too much trouble.”

The sound of the younger man’s voice was like a soft blanket draping over his sweaty shoulders, it eased the tension in his muscles on contact. The sound wasn’t deep but husky and light. Creeping around his head like smoke from a campfire and easing the ever-present vigilance that Daryl had grown accustomed to. Almost losing his train of thought over the drug-like effect of Pheonyx’s voice, Daryl looked towards the sheriff, wondering why he couldn’t be the one to show the other man where Sophia went missing. As if reading his mind, Pheonyx continued, “Rick needs to stay here for Carl and Lori. And Shane fucked up his ankle at the high school. Or else one of them would take me.”

Pheonyx was right about Rick. Daryl couldn’t, in good conscience, ask the man to leave his son, who had just been at death’s door the day prior. And his stomach clenched at the idea of sending Pheonyx off with Shane. Daryl wasn’t entirely certain about Pheonyx’s gender identity. He could just be a biological male with more feminine features. But he suspected the man was transgender. It was no issue to him, but he had a fair idea that it would be an issue to Deputy Douchebag. Shane wasn’t as openly hateful as Merle was, but he was judgmental and sexist. Merle was a loud hateful person. He screamed and hurled slurs, made threats but he rarely ever reached the point of violence, unless he was high. But Shane, his hate was a simmering cauldron, just on the cusp of boiling. Quiet little bubbles that could easily lead to an exploding pot.   At the Quarry, the man kept camp duties fairly segregated in regards to gender. Women weren’t ever allowed on watch or runs, and were mostly kept to cleaning and cooking duties. Shane made the argument every time that the women weren’t trained and therefore would be liabilities. But he also refused to do gun training for anyone, citing lack of ammo as the reasoning. He didn’t go on long winded rants like Merle did. He chose sly comments and verbal digs as his weapons of choice. Offhand comments about “women’s work” and snorts when Andrea offered help with watches or runs. While Shane had never specifically said anything about LGBT people, Daryl just had a feeling that the man’s views would not be friendly. And with his suspicions regarding Otis’s untimely death, Daryl refused to put Pheonyx in the possible firing lane. Why he cared so much about a man he just met was something he was trying to avoid thinking about. 

Despite his personal preferences of working alone, and avoiding any more contact with Pheonyx to quell the feelings building in his chest, Daryl had to admit that having a scent tracking dog would give them a leg up in finding Sophia. Looking down at the dog, he had to contain a snort. The pup was on his back, body curled around, chewing on his back leg like it was a rawhide. He met Pheonyx’s gaze. 

“That mutt is a tracker? He don’t look like he’s got much goin’ on behind those eyes.” 

Pheonyx’s eyes drew together in confusion and he looked down at Kismet. Daryl noted a blush spreading across his tan cheeks when he realized what the dog was doing. At the sheepish look, he couldn’t contain his snort, and he heard Rick chuckle along beside him. 

The younger man nudged the dog with his boot, causing him to roll over into a regular down position. Daryl heard him mutter something unintelligible. Pheonyx stood firm though, the conviction in his expression settling in Daryl’s chest. 

“Okay, Kismet may not be the brightest crayon in the box, I’ll admit. But when he’s got a job he works hard. Unfortunately, you guys don’t have the luxury of shopping for a certified dog. I stand by him though. We’ve only tracked wildlife so far, but I would bet my life on this ‘mutt’”

Despite the voice in his brain telling him it was a bad idea, Daryl nodded his agreement to work with him and the dog. His heart sped up a bit at the thought of working closely with Pheonyx, but he brushed it off. He’d work with him to find Sophia. Then that was it. He’d back off and these intense feelings would fade. 

He hoped.

Next

Masterlist

Taglist: @yoongibaybee, @edgyboi10000

[medicbrainrot]

i’d drift away and you’d pull me in, but the waves are deep and i’m wearing thin (deep end, part 2)

A/N: continued content warning for this mini series, suicidal ideation, domestic violence, and excessive consumption of alcohol.

Simon spent the second half of the day looking for Juliana, but couldn’t find her anywhere. By noon the next day, Simon had looked in every possible place he could think of, with not a single sign of her anywhere. 

“Damn it…” Simon mutters. “Where in the fucking hell is she!? If she’s not here, then where in the hell is she?”

Simon was running out of ideas. He’d looked everywhere he could think of on base, and he couldn’t find her anywhere.

Then it hit him. If he couldn’t find her anywhere on base, maybe it was because she was no longer on the base. 

She must have gone home.

“FUCK!” Simon shouted. She had to have gone home. And… hopefully stayed home. At this point Jules had been gone a full 24 hours, which meant that she could be anywhere if she hadn’t stayed home. She lived an hour away from the base. If she had gone home, but then left, she could be anywhere, and Simon would have no idea where to start looking.

Simon took off back to his room to retrieve what he would need before leaving the base to look for Juliana. He was anxious to know what had happened to her in the past 24 hours. It was all his fault. He should have never yelled at her like that, he should have never laid his hands on her. He should have known better.

His heart sunk further into his stomach the more he thought about it. It was his fault she was hurt, it was his fault she had run. And if anything happened to her, it would be Simon’s fault. 

He had to get to her, and soon. Simon drove faster than he should have to get to her apartment, almost cutting the usually hour-long drive in half. 

Finally arriving at her apartment building, Simon parked the car and sprinted up the stairs to the entrance. He rang the door buzzer, hoping that Juliana would answer. Instead he was buzzed in without so much as a question about who it was.

Going through the front door and into the elevator, he tried to calm his nerves while he waited to get to her floor. His heart was pounding as he stepped forward to knock on her apartment door.

“Juliana?” He knocked on the door, waiting. He could hear music pounding through the hallway, and he was starting to wonder if anyone could hear him from inside the apartment. “Juliana? It’s me, Simon. I’d like…to talk to you for a bit…about what happened yesterday.” He said a little louder, hoping someone would hear him.

The volume on the music went down significantly before the lock clicked and the door was slowly pulled open.

“Lieutenant Simon ‘Ghost’ Riiiiiiilllllllleeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy.” Juliana slurred. “Come to finish the job?”

Is she….is she drunk!?

“Juliana…” Simon was surprised at the state she was in when she opened the door. She was definitely drunk. The way she spoke, her demeanor, all of it pointed to being drunk.

He felt a pang of guilt in his chest. He had caused this. He’d never seen her like this before. He’d seen her tipsy, maybe a little drunk, after a fun night out with the team, but never… wasted. Absolutely, utterly, wasted. 

He reached out to place a hand on her shoulder, and felt his heart sink when she pulled back away from him. 

“...I came to apologize.” He said as he entered and shut the door, his tone of voice serious.

She ignores his statement. “If you’re gonna kill me, keep it clean.” She slurs. “I don’t wanna lose my security deposit.”

“What!?” Simon asked, his eyes widening in shock. “What are you talking about? Jules, I would never hurt you!” He said, his voice cracking. “I swear, I’m here to apologize. I never meant to hurt you.”

“S’not what you said yesterday when ya smacked me.” She slurs. “Ya shoulda been rougher with me. Oh, harder daddy!” She moans sarcastically. 

She looks at the bottle in her hand. “Ya know, my daddy was right, four bottles in, and I agree that the black label is better than the red label.”

Simon felt a pit of guilt open up inside him as he listened to her. She was right, he had hurt her. He shouldn’t have done that. And now, she was determined to hurt him back. 

“Jules…” He said, trying to keep his tone calm and even. “What do I have to do to get you to forgive me?”

She chugged a few more gulps of the whiskey before answering. “Whatever you want, baby, I can take it.”

“I want your forgiveness, what do you want me to do?” He waited for her response, but he wasn’t sure what she’d say to him next. 

Jules holds up a finger and chugs half the bottle. “Ooh, that kinda burns.” She hisses.

“Juliana, be careful with that.” Simon says, a flash of concern burning in his chest. He was still trying to act tough, but what he really wanted to do was just help her. He stood where he was, waiting for her to say something else to him. 

“Are you going to say anything?” He asked, his tone starting to grow firm.

She ignored him and wandered off, reaching for another bottle on the kitchen island.

“Jules, you need to slow down…” He said, concerned.

“Slow down? Baby, I’m on the highway to hell! There ain’t no slowing down here!” She grinned, popping off the cap.

“Juliana, listen. Don’t drink anymore. You’re drinking too much. You need to slow down. Don’t make yourself sick.” He says, his concern beginning to turn into panic.

“Don’t make yourself sick.” Juliana mocks. “What’re ya gonna do, hit me if I don’t stop?”

Simon flinches, feeling another flash of guilt. He couldn’t really blame her for what she was saying. “I never meant to. Jules, please, just listen to me.”

He took a couple of steps forward, just to try to take the bottle from her. 

But when he stepped forward, she stepped back, pushing him back with a hand against his chest. She then proceeded to chug a couple of gulps from the bottle.

She is most definitely drunk. 

“Stop… Please, Juliana. You need to stop drinking, please.” Simon doesn’t know what to do. He’s never seen her like this before.

She gives a slight cough as she lowers the bottle. “You ever got alcohol poisoning before?”

“Alcohol poisoning?” Simon froze. “Juliana… are you–”

Simon didn’t finish the question, but given the state of the apartment, he could assume she’s been drinking for hours.

“Juliana, what are you doing!? You need to stop!” He says, trying to keep the panic out of his voice as his tone escalates. “You’ll drink yourself to death!”

“That’s the plan.” She shrugs as she raises the bottle up again.

“Juliana, please, stop!” Simon shouts as he tries to take the bottle from her. But she refused to let go of it. Simon didn’t want to hurt her, so he was having a hard time getting it away from her.

“Stop! You’re hurting yourself! Why are you doing this to yourself?” He pleaded, tears starting to gather in his eyes.

“BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE DOES IT TO ME.” She screams. “FOR ONCE I WANT TO BE IN CONTROL OF WHO HURTS ME.”

“Juliana!” Simon shouts. “You’re not in control! You can’t make it stop by killing yourself!”

All the hurt he’d caused her came flooding back into his mind. He just wanted her to not be in pain. “I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry!” He cried out. “Please, I’m so goddamn sorry!”

“Then get the fuck out.” She sneers.

“Jules, please, you don’t mean that.” He said, voice pleading. The guilt Simon had been feeling was starting to hurt. He was angry. He had hurt Juliana, and had been one of the things that drove her to do this. “Damn it, Jules. Look at me!” He snapped. “You’re ruining your life by doing this! You have to stop, or at least slow down!”

“THERE’S NOTHING LEFT TO BE RUINED.” She screamed back.

“YES THERE IS!” Simon shouted, a lump starting to form in his throat. “You have your life! You have a whole life ahead of you! You can’t give up like this!” Simon was filled with panic now. This couldn’t be happening. He cared about Juliana, he couldn’t lose her. There had to be a way to fix this. He had to fix this. He had to make things right.

“I GAVE UP A LONG TIME AGO. I HELD ON FOR YOU, AND YOU ENDED UP BEING JUST. LIKE. HIM.”

“Then why are you still here!?” Simon shouted, throwing his arms up in the air. “You’re still alive!” He exclaimed, before pointing to himself. “And don’t tell me I’m anything like him.”

“You’re still here, you’re still alive!” He screamed, pointing at her. “And I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry. But please! Please! I’m sorry for everything! I didn’t mean to hurt you! I really didn’t!”

“Can you please forgive me?” He asks, his voice cracking.

“TO QUOTE YOU FROM YESTERDAY: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT.” Juliana screamed at him.

“Fine.” Simon stared at her for a moment.

He felt hurt, angry, and upset. But most of all, he felt guilty.

“Fine.” He repeated, before turning and leaving, slamming the apartment door shut behind him.

He hoped she would be alright. He hoped she would stop drinking. He just hoped to God that she would be okay.

But he had a feeling all his hope would be in vain.

A/N: Thanks for reading! Likes, reblogs, and feedback are appreciated!

Masterlist

[queenofbaws]

Hey there, Queenie, I hope you're having a lovely weekend! 💕 Since it's another wonderful Six-Sentence-Sat(or)Sunday, I'm here to ask for some LauraMax again 😅 You may write whatever you want, but in case you're feeling like incorporating a prompt, how about: "You should see the other guy"?

Max hadn't said a word about it in all the time it took them to get there - not the long row across the lake, not the longer walk to the main road, not the endless trek that finally brought them to the seedy little motel - and for that, Laura loved him more than she had yesterday (if such a thing were possible).

When she'd given him a tight smile and looked away, he hadn't asked questions either; he'd gone into the motel himself, gotten their room key, and joked, "Shoulda seen the eyes that guy was giving me! You better watch out, hun, I think you've got competition," as he made a show of tugging her sweatshirt to cover his belly - she loved him even more then (if a person could love that much).

And when she'd gotten into the bathroom, her plan to take a long, hot, much-needed shower knocked off its tracks by the sight of herself in the mirror, all it took was that one extra moment of silence before he'd joined her there, holding her close despite how awful she looked, how terrible she must've smelled. It all came crashing down in a wave then, every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week they'd lost, and she scrambled - desperate - trying to ignore the tears already rolling down her cheeks as she only half-jokingly said, "I know I look bad, but...you should really see the other guy." She'd watched in the mirror as his arms only tightened and his lips found the spot behind her ear, already hushing her, telling her it was all right, reminding her that they were free, and as her tears fell, washing the grime and blood and fear and regret from where it had all stained her cheeks, Laura loved him more, more, more than anyone had ever loved anyone else.

That she knew for sure.

six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

[resident-gay-bitch]

Sunflower Boy

love comes back around, always

warnings: domestic violence, child neglect, blood, bruises

This was the worst day of Eddie’s life, ever. 

And no, he wasn’t being dramatic, it actually was. 

Eddie had been left alone in his house for three days - give or take - with no food, no running water, and no air conditioning. 

He was ten. 

A couple of days ago his dad got a job, he was like, a car salesman or something, and apparently it had gone super well, because he called Eddie and told him he was gonna be late. He was going for a beer or two. 

He never came home. 

Eddie’s mum was working too, though, that was more against her will. She would have preferred to be there with her son, however, her dad made sure of otherwise. Eddie didn’t know what his mum did, he just knew she wore really pretty clothes and makeup, would leave the house looking almost sick, and would come home smelling of alcohol, sweat, man, and something else kinda musky Eddie couldn’t exactly pin point. But she had left for a job, her longest one yet, up in Indy five days ago, and she wasn’t scheduled to come home until tomorrow night. 

Eddie was scared, hot, alone, and hungry. 

He didn’t know the way to Wayne’s house, or have his number and they didn’t have a phonebook. His neighbour across the hall, Mrs. Wittleson was a right bitch and hated Eddie and his parents. He couldn’t go to her. His neighbours to the left were scary, their apartment always smelt weird and in the middle of the night, right on the other side of Eddie’s wall, he’d hear screaming and moaning and slapping and sounds of pain. He was pretty sure they killed people or something. His neighbour on the right Mr. Crucks was a creepy man with a weird moustache that always offered him candy and looked at him funny. Eddie’s mum made him promise to never, ever, never talk to the man under any circumstances. Eddie never dared disobey his mum like that. The neighbours across the hall, beside Mrs. Wittleson, were away on holiday, and the other apartment was empty. Mould problem. 

So Eddie was stranded. 

He was worried for his dad, and so he did the only thing he knew to do. 

He called the cops. 

They’d asked him to explain his situation and he had told him how his dad went out to sell cars and never came home after celebrating the deal with a few beers, how his mum had been away all week on business, how the water bill was well overdue and he couldn’t even flush the toilet! He explained that it was so hot, and his mum said he wasn’t allowed to go into the ‘garden’, under the sprinklers for a cool down unless she was there because of that weird old Mr. Crucks. He said he hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning, because his dad was supposed to bring home the money so Eddie could go food shopping the other day, but he hadn’t yet, and he didn’t know how to call his uncle. 

Eddie was just hanging up the phone when his dad walked through the door, “Yes, thank you sir, I will- I can do that. Okay, thank you sir. Goodbye.” 

“Who ya talkin to?” 

“Dad!” Eddie grinned, the phone on the hook, “I was just calling the cop-”

“Whaddya say?” His dad marched over to his son, grabbing him tight by his little wrist, “Cops?” 

Eddie’s eyes were wet, “They… they were helping me find you.” 

“You fuckin- what’d ya tell ‘em?” 

“You hadn’t come home since your sale, and that I had no food, or anything.” 

“Fuckin idiot!” He smacked his son across the face, “You know we don’t call the pigs here.” 

“I didn’t know what to do.” Eddie sobbed, cradling his cheek, “I’m sorry, dad, I- I can-”

“You’re in big fuckin trouble, boy.” His dad shoved him up against the wall, a hand around his neck, “Y’ve fucked it all up, just had to fuck it all up.” 

“I’m sorry.” Eddie gasped, crying, trying to pry his dad’s hand away from his neck. 

“Whaddya fuckin sorry for. Useless little shit. Shoulda left you and your mother on the street”- 

Look, I won’t get too deep into it, but that ‘conversation’ went on for a little longer before they were distracted by red and blue flashing lights lit up the apartment. Eddie was terrified. He thought he was done for. He thought he was gonna get locked up and thrown in the can because he did something wrong. He didn’t know what, didn’t have the slightest idea, but his dad was scaring the shit out of him and Eddie thought he’d turned himself into a criminal by accident. So he did what he was taught to do when those lights flashed a little too brightly. 

He ran. 

He slipped out of his dads grip, right as the officers knocked on the door, and he slipped into the bathroom. He climbed up on the counter, kicked open the little window that always jammed, and wiggled his way out. His dad followed him in, trying to pull Eddie back inside, telling him he needed to face his consequences. But Eddie slipped free, and the window was too small for his dad to follow. 

Eddie fell into the dirt behind his apartment, and he ran. 

He ran for miles. 

It was hot, and he was tired, and hungry, but he ran. Hoping to bump into someone or somewhere he knew. 

He didn’t stop running until he realised that the houses flying by were nice. Like, really nice. Fancy and big with tall gates and green gardens. 

He was on the nice side of town, a place where he most certainly wasn’t welcome. Eddie slowed, letting himself wander the nice suburb, trying to find his way out of the maze of pretty houses. He hoped he wasn’t spotted here, no doubt some woman with a pearl necklace would call the cops about it. Then he’d be in even bigger trouble. 

He found a playground, by the woods. It was old and looked pretty rusty. There was another one, a better one on the other side of the field, Eddie could see. But that one had kids on it, over here, he could be alone. 

The sun was hot, the air was warm. 

This was his worst summer ever. 

He sat on the swing, rusty and squeaky, but he didn’t care. He sat on the swing, and poked around his face, feeling for where he was hurt. His vision was a little blurred, though, he wasn’t sure if that was from the black eye he was sporting or the tears. 

Maybe both. 

Eddie sat, and he looked up at the sky, at the sun with squinted eyes, and hoped it burned him. 

“Hi.” a little voice came from beside him. 

Eddie looked over to see a boy standing at the edge of the swingset. He had golden brown hair, rosie cheeks, a warm smile, and a yellow shirt under some overalls that were unevenly cuffed at the ankles. 

Eddie thought he might just be the prettiest boy he’d ever seen. 

“Hi.” Eddie said back, his voice small and quiet, hoarse from crying. 

“Are you okay?” he asked. 

Eddie swallowed and nodded his head. 

“Are you sure?” the boy asked again, “You look hurt.” 

“Just… had an accident.” Eddie offered, “Doesn’t matter.” 

“Okay.” The boy nodded, “Do you have any friends?” 

Eddie looked at him, thought for a moment, and shook his head, “Not really.” 

The boy smiled, “Me either… Well, I have one friend, but he’s kind of mean. We’re only friends because our dads are business partners, so we see each other at all their fancy events. Our mums say they are best friends too, but my mum secretly hates his mum.” 

“Okay.” Eddie had said, and looked back to the bark under his feet. 

“Do you want to be my friend?” 

Eddie looked up at him again, “Why?”

The boy furrowed his brow, “Because you look sad.” he shrugged, “Everyone deserves to have a friend when they are sad.” 

Eddie thought for a moment, letting his eyes droop, “I suppose.” 

The boy smiled, “Well, we can be friends then. I do like your hair, you look like… uh, I don’t know his name, but he sings that song, open your eyes and seee, i’m just a poor boy… la la la meee, easy come easy go… ahh…” he looked around a little awkwardly, hoping Eddie would catch on, “Mamaaa just killed a man….”

“Oh.” Eddie nodded, “I think I know him.” 

“Yeah.” The kind boy smiled. 

Eddie furrowed his brow, “We don’t look the same.” 

“But you both have long hair.” He giggled, “It’s cool. Rockstar.” 

Eddie couldn’t help but grin wide at that, it hurt his face, but he grinned anyway, “Thanks.” 

“No problem.” The boy sighed, “Can I sit next to you?” 

“Sure.” Eddie looked at the rickety swing beside him, “Here, have mine, that one looks broken.” 

“It’s okay-”

“No, it’s okay.” Eddie hopped up, and sat himself down on the broken one before the boy could protest, “You look too fancy to sit on broken things.” 

“I am not fancy.” the boy took a seat, “Hey, you warmed it up for me. Thanks.” 

Eddie giggled, “You have done your hair all nice, and your overalls are clean.” 

“All clothes are supposed to be clean.” 

“These are clean.” Eddie pointed to his jeans, “Got them out the cupboard this morning, but they have a paint stain on them here, and a ketchup stain on them here, and something else here.” 

The boy giggled, “My nanny hates stains.” 

“You have a nanny!” 

“Yeah, don’t you?” 

Maybe if he had a nanny, all of this bullshit would have been avoided and Eddie wouldn’t be a wanted criminal. But, he supposed, he never would have met this boy. 

“No, I don’t have a nanny.” 

“Oh.” the boy furrowed his brow, “It’s probably for the best, my nanny is a butthead.” 

Eddie laughed, “A butthead?” 

“Yeah.” the boy groaned, “She’s always telling me I need to brush my teeth for longer and eat my carrots. I hate carrots!” 

Eddie laughed some more, “You’re so fancy.” 

“Am not.” 

“Y’are.” Eddie smiled, “I only brush my teeth in the mornings, and most of the time, I just have microwave mac ‘n cheese for dinner or spaghettios.”

“Cool!” The boy grinned, “I wish I could have spaghettios for dinner.” 

Eddie sighed, finding himself frowning a little, “Spaghettios are not that good three times a week.” 

The boy pouted, “Maybe we should swap.” 

“I think so.” Eddie grinned, “Though, I’d probably get smacked for not being fancy enough in your house.” 

Steve shrugged, “My nanny doesn’t like smacking.” he sighed, “Mum and dad don’t even notice when I’m bad anymore.” 

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Eddie asked, “I wish my parents didn’t notice when I mess up.” 

The boy huffed, resting his head against the chain on the swing, “I suppose.” 

“So…” Eddie kicked the bark under his feet, “What’s your favourite song?” 

“Uhm,” the boy perked up, seemingly a little cheerier now that parents were not a topic of conversation, “Honey Honey by ABBA.” 

Eddie broke a grin, “That’s one of my mums favourites.” 

“Really?” The boy had wide eyes. 

“Yes.” Eddie nodded, “My favourite is… Immigrant Song by Led Zepp.” 

The boy looked confused. 

“You’ve never heard it, have you?” 

The boy shook his head. 

“Maybe you can listen to it, it’s so metal.” Eddie suggested with a sweet smile, “Maybe you will like Led Zeppelin.”

“Well… you’re cool, and you like them, so probably.” the boy shrugged, his kindness easy. 

Eddie hadn’t gotten such kindness from kids at school before. 

“How old are you?” 

“I’m nine and two quarters.” the boy answered, proudly, Eddie noticed he was missing a tooth. 

Wait, isn’t that just nine and a half? 

“I’m ten, almost twelve.” 

“Poop.” the boy sighed, “Means we won’t have class together.” 

“Oh.” Eddie looked to the ground, but his chest bloomed with warmth at the idea of this boy wanting to have classes with him, “We… never mind.” 

“What?” the boy had asked, eyes wide and sparkling. 

He was very pretty. 

“Maybe we could play at lunchtime.” 

The boy smiled, “Obviously.” he hopped up off the swing and started to climb the tower, “We could play lots of games. Do you like superheroes?” 

“Yeah.” Eddie smiled, following him up the tower, “I love superheroes.” 

“I wish I was superman.” the boy smiled, sitting down at the top of the old metal slide, it was probably burning hot, but he had long pants on. Eddie could see his matching mismatched rainbow socks, “He’s so cool.” 

“Yeah.” Eddie agreed, unable to help the smile he got when the boy slid down, letting out a giggle, “Batman’s cool too though. I like bats.” 

“Ooh, yeah.” the boy smiled, watching Eddie slide down now too, “He’s so cool… Maybe we can go as Batman and Superman to Halloween together.” 

Eddie stopped at the bottom of the slide, looking up at the boy, “You want to go to halloween together?” 

“Yeah.” He nodded, “I know where all the best houses are to get the biggest candy bars, plus, Miss Lorane across the street loves me and always gives me triple.” 

“Cool!” Eddie hopped up, he never got too many treats on halloween, most of them were from his mum. 

The boy rushed over to the seesaw, and Eddie followed, “Do you want to play superheroes now? Or would you like to play something else?” 

“Hmm…” Eddie thought superheroes did sound really fun, but he wanted to know what other games the boy had, “maybe.” 

“We could also play… cafe, and pretend to make food with the bark. Or we could play astronauts and climb to the top of the tower like it’s our rocket ship…” the boy hummed, letting his eyes wander, until he got an idea, and he got excited, “or maybe we can play doctors!” 

“Doctors?” Eddie asked, quirking an eyebrow, and his face hurt again. 

“Yeah,” the boy smiled, nodding rather aggressively, “I can make you all better.” 

Oh. 

Eddie felt his heart grow three sizes. 

“Okay.” 

The boy smiled, hopping off of the seesaw before dragging Eddie over to the tower. He sat him down under the shade of it, right by the slide, and got to work doctoring Eddie. He put on a funny voice, pretending to be a doctor of course, acting as if he had a stethoscope and everything. Eddie couldn’t help but smile as he watched the boy. The boy whose smile was as bright as the sun and who’s heart was as big as the sky. He was dressed in a warm yellow t-shirt, and perfectly clean denim overalls, and rainbow matched mismatched socks with stripes and polka dots under his sneakers, and he radiated kindness and warmth. 

Eddie really liked this boy. 

After they finished playing doctors, and Eddie’s face felt a little better, his heart feeling a lot better, they sat on the overgrown grass. They talked and talked and talked about stupid boy things, and picked at the grass and laughed. 

It was nice, Eddie thought, to have a friend like this. 

On the worst day of Eddie’s life, after he’d been abandoned for three days, starved, overheated, beaten, and sent on the run from the cops, he’d been sent this boy. Eddie thought he must have been an angel. He had to be. There was no other explanation about it. 

“Oh! Look over there.” the boy smiled, jumping to his feet and running for the treeline, “Daisies!” 

Eddie raced after him, both of them stopping at the patch of pretty white daisies with centres that matched the kind boy’s shirt, “What about them?” 

“Do you not like flowers?” the boy asked, leaning over to pick one, “My friend doesn’t like them either, says it’s weird for boys to like flowers. But my old nanny taught me all about them, she was so nice, but mum fired her because she always had her boyfriend around and wore shirts that showed too much skin apparently.” 

“Oh.” Eddie swallowed, “No, I just… I’ve never really thought about flowers much before.” 

“Hmm.” the boy smiled, handing his picked flower to Eddie before grabbing another, “Do you like these ones?” 

“I suppose.” Eddie shrugged, “They are pretty.” Not quite as pretty as you, though. 

The boy grinned, “Have you ever made a daisy chain?” 

Eddie shook his head, “I don’t even know what that is.” 

The boy gasped, squatting down to pick basically all of them, “You’re crazy, weirdo.” 

Eddie felt his stomach drop. Of course he’d fuck it up. He always fucked shit up. 

“I have to teach you.” The boy handed Eddie a bunch of flowers and went back to picking more, “Only weirdo crazy people don’t know about daisy chains, and we can’t have you being one of those any longer. You’re too cool for that.” 

Eddie smiled, all warm and fuzzy inside. 

Eddie couldn’t make daisy chains. 

His hands trembled too much, and he just couldn’t get it. He gave up after a while, happy to just watch Steve make his. He picked the petals of a couple of flowers he’d fucked up. 

“What’s your favourite flower then?” Eddie had asked, curious to learn more about this sunray of a boy. 

“Hmmm.” he had hummed, “I think… sunflowers.” 

“Why?” Eddie asked. 

“Well, I do like yellow the best. It’s so happy and bright.” the boy fiddled with the flowers in his hands, “And, did you know that sunflowers will follow the sun? They actually turn to look at the sun throughout the day, so they’ll always be in the light.” 

Eddie thought that was perfect. Sunflowers for this sunshine boy. Sunflower boy. 

“How about you, what flowers are your favourite, do you think?” 

“Uh…” Eddie wasn’t sure at all, other than sunflowers now, but he couldn’t very well say that, “I’m not sure.” 

“We’ll find you a favourite flower.” he smiled, lifting his daisy chain up to the sky to look at it, “I’m all done.” 

“Wow.” Eddie inspected it, the perfect circle of pretty white flowers with yellow centres, “It’s wonderful… how did you do it?” 

The boy laughed, “Magic.” 

“You’re so cool.” 

The boy smiled, cheeks tinted pinker, “It’s for you.” 

Eddie felt his heart jump into his throat, his eyes widened and he looked at the boy, “What?” 

“I made it…” the boy offered, both hands holding the crown out, “for you. I thought it would look nice in your hair.” 

Eddie’s chest felt impossibly tighter, “Do you think?” 

The boy smiled, and giggled in a honey sweet way, and leant forward on his knees to plant the chain on Eddie’s head, fixing it into place to make a crown, “Hey, it looks so pretty on you.” 

Eddie felt his cheeks go pink, “Really?” 

The boy nodded, “It suits you.” 

Eddie grabbed all the daisies from his lap and the ground around them, gathered them into a bunch and shoved them into the Sunflower boy’s chest (nicely of course). The boy giggled, and Eddie was infatuated with him. 

“What?” he had asked, holding the bunch of flowers, some of them facing the wrong direction. 

“For you.” Eddie had said, picking up the few flowers that dropped and handed them over as well, “Thank you.” 

The boy giggled, “You don’t have to give me these!” 

Eddie plucked one, the prettiest one he could see, and stuck it behind the boy’s ear, “There, now… pretty.” 

The boy bloomed pink, “You think I’m pretty?” 

Eddie nodded, “You’re prettier than all of these flowers and more.” 

Okay, so apparently Eddie was a little romantic. 

Sunflower boy turned pinker and dipped his head. 

“I think my favourite flower is a daisy.” Eddie had smiled. 

The boy looked up at him with soft eyes and a kind smile, “Perfect.” 

They both laid back on the grass, the bunch of daisies clutched in the boy’s hand, resting on his chest. They watched as the sky turned from blue to dusky orange and pink. Their pinkies intertwined between them, only a few sweet words said. 

Eddie thought he might be in love. 

“I have to go home.” his Sunflower boy had said, voice quiet and calm, “I’m not allowed to be out after dark.” 

Eddie frowned, “Okay.” 

“We can play at school though.” The boy smiled. 

Eddie felt a pang through his chest, “Do you mean that?” he’d asked, his eyes wide and pleading, “Not many people like me at school.” 

The boy smiled wider and held up his pinky, “I pinky promise to play with you every day at school.” 

This was definitely love, “Really?” 

“Of course,” he waggled his finger, “you’re my best friend.” 

Eddie locked his finger around his Sunflowers, offering his warmest, most genuine smile. 

There was silence for a moment, before Sunflower spoke again, “Would you like to come for dinner? You can eat my carrots.”

Eddie positively lit up, “Yes please.” 

The boy grabbed his hand and they ran. They ran through the field and down the streets, watching the sky disappear to darkness and the street lights switch on. Eddie held the crown atop his head and the boy clutched the daisy bunch tight. They laughed as they ran, or more so, giggled. 

Eddie wanted to hold his Sunflower boy’s hand forever. 

He was going to marry this boy. 

In the distance, Eddie heard the faint echo of a siren. His heart dropped. He stopped in the middle of the street, the boy stopped with him. Eddie looked around, frantic. 

“You okay?” the boy had asked, his hand holding Eddie’s a little tighter now. 

“Uh… yeah.” Eddie had said, right before his eyes fixed on a cop car down the road, “I need to go.” 

“What?” the boy had asked. 

Eddie turned to face him. He didn’t want to leave the boy. He didn’t ever want to say goodbye to this boy. Sunflower boy was his entire world and Eddie knew he loved him. He was positive. He’d never felt anything like this. 

Which is exactly why Eddie had to leave. 

He was wanted for crimes he didn’t know if he committed, he was in trouble, bound to get locked up. His dad had told him he was in big trouble, that he had consequences to face. Eddie just hoped they had a separate jail for kids. And this boy, his Sunflower boy, sweet and soft with a smile Eddie wanted to kiss away. Well, he was too good for a delinquent like Eddie. He was more deserving. Eddie wanted to keep him safe, to protect him from his rotten life. He wanted to keep his Sunflower blooming, facing the sun, and keep him in the light. If he’d stayed, and the cops found Eddie, they’d take his sunflower boy too no doubt. Lock him up for being Eddie’s accomplice or something. Cops were pigs, as his dad would say, always making up bullshit, looking to lock anyone a little rough or different up. 

Eddie couldn’t risk his flower being hidden from the sun. 

“I just… I have to go.” Eddie had said again, trying to pull away. 

But the boy didn’t let him go, just held him a little tighter, “Why? I don’t want you to go. I thought we were friends.” 

“We are…” Eddie said, “But I have to leave.”

“But why?” he’d asked again, eyes pleading for him to stay. 

“I just… I can’t explain it.” Eddie tried to pull away.

“I want you to stay.” His voice was wet, higher pitched, like a wine but sadder, “I’ll make you another daisy chain, if you’d like, or… we can have dessert. Anything you want. You can sleepover, if you like!”  

Eddie frowned, “I-” he heard the siren much closer, “I can’t.” 

“Please.” He’d pouted, and it broke Eddie’s heart. 

“I need to-” he saw the cop car come up the street, and Eddie’s heart jumped out of his throat, “No, this is weird! Yo- you’re… weird. I need to go.” he yanked his hand away, and he ran, daisy chain clutched to his chest. 

*

Eddie hugged his knees, looking down at the grass by his feet. He didn’t feel much, not really. Just… emptiness. Emptiness and content, almost. 

He had a few things to cross off his bucket list still. He thought he’d have a good few years to get through them, and under much different circumstances. But, he’d just have to make do with what he could. 

Eddie looked back over his shoulder at Steve and Robin, sitting, talking with Dustin and Erica. He could cross a couple things off now, with that lot, if he wanted. Just little things, fun things, meaningful things. 

But he thought he’d start with the big two; do something brave and a little stupid without running from the consequences, and tell someone special the story he’d never told anyone before. 

“Hey, Steve?” He’d called out, forcing himself to before he backed out again. 

“Yeah, you okay?” He’d replied. 

“Yeah.” Eddie nodded, waving his hand out, “Can you c’mere for a sec?” 

Steve nodded his head, saying a quick something to Robin before making his way over to Eddie. Steve sat down in the grass beside him, in the field, looking up at the bright blue sky. It was calm out. The world felt warm. 

“What’s up?” Steve asked, bumping his knee into Eddie’s. 

Eddie took a deep breath, “I just… I wanted to cross a few things off the list before I kicked it.” 

“Ed-”

“Okay, I know, talk positive.” Eddie sighed, “Just… let’s be real for a second Steve, I’m either dying down there, or getting locked up for life which is just as bad. I don’t wanna die, I really don’t, but I’m being realistic, okay?” 

Steve huffed, “Stay alive, we can get your charges dropped.” 

“Yeah.” Eddie nodded, “Maybe.” 

“We’ll try- Dustin will try.”

Eddie smiled, “True.” he shrugged, “But still, just in case, I wanna cross a couple of things off.” 

“Eddie-”

“Humour me, Steve.” he looked at Steve, eyes pleading, “C’mon.” 

Steve sighed, “Okay.” 

Eddie smiled, “I… I wanna do something bold and brave. Something that’s probably a little dumb and might get me hurt, even though it’s right, and I won’t run from the consequences of that.” 

I want to come out to you, a well known queer puncher. 

“And I wanna tell you something…” Eddie swallowed, “I wanna tell you a story, something that happened to me when I was a kid. Something I’ve never told anyone, ever, and that I was saving for a special someone.” 

“Ah…” Steve glanced at him, “I- I’m your-”

Eddie glared at him, “No.” yes, “But out of everyone here, you’re probably the specialist.” Eddie shrugged, “A fallen king, hanging out with a bunch of nerds, fighting interdimensional monsters whilst maintaining glorious hair… That’s special, Steve.” 

Steve laughed, “Okay, yeah.” he nodded, “Go on then.” 

“Okay,” Eddie sighed, “So, when I was-”

“Wait, what’s the brave thing?” Steve asked. 

“It’s in the story.” Eddie nodded, “You’ll have to wait to find out… but you’ll know.” 

“Okay.” Steve smiled. 

Eddie took a deep breath, “When I was a kid… about ten, I had, what I thought was, the worst day of my life. Now, it was pretty fuckin bad, I’ll give you that, but I think I’ve had worse now.” 

Steve shrugged, “Probably.” 

“Now, Stevie, I’m trusting you with this story, yeah?” Eddie raised an eyebrow, “I’ve never told a soul this, and I don’t plan on telling anyone else, okay? Not even Wayne. It’s special.” 

“Yeah, okay.” Steve smiled, lifting his little finger, “Pinkie promise.” 

Eddie felt his chest tighten. 

“God.” Eddie groaned, linking his pinkie with Steves, “Add that to the list of things that make you special.”

Steve laughed. 

“So, I didn’t know this at the time really, but my dad stole cars and shit for a living. I mean… you know… he taught me how to hotwire and… but anyway, he stole cars and then sold them for drug runs. A few days prior to this stories beginning, my dad worked a job and got paid really fucking well, so he decided to go on a three day bender down the pub.” Eddie shrugged, scratching his chin, “My mum, I really didn’t know this at the time, was a sex worker. She didn’t wanna be, she worked as an escort, she was kinda forced into it. My dad owed a bunch of people a bunch of money and so they kinda just… used my mum as collateral. Five or so days prior to my tale, she went up to Indy on a ‘business trip’. Basically, she was keeping this one guy company because dad owed him fuckin buckets and she was forced to. So this left me alone for three days. The water stopped working, it was hot, I didn’t have food or money to get some… I was stranded, alone for three days. And, my dad, he got this payout, but spent it all on drink rather than his kid, or to get his fucking wife out of the situation she was forced into because of him.” 

Eddie rubbed his eyes, and Steve listened carefully, taking in every word. He rubbed his hand up and down Eddie’s back, over the smooth cool leather. It made Eddie feel a little safer. 

“I was worried. I was hungry. I was alone.” Eddie sighed, “So I called the cops, asked them to help me find my dad. Right? It’s what kids are taught to do.” 

“Right.” Steve nodded. 

“So I hang up, right as my dad get’s home. I told him I just talked to the cops, and he… he was not impressed.” Eddie took a deep breath, “We had a strict no cops rule in our apartment, but I didn’t know what else to do. Dad started yelling, telling me off, he… he beat me.” 

“Oh, Eddie.” Steve hummed, his hand on Eddie’s forearm. 

“The worst he’d ever done, at that point.” Eddie said, “We saw the cops pull up, and I thought… I thought they were gonna arrest me, because I’d done the wrong thing by calling them. And so I ran. I duct out the bathroom window and ran for miles, not looking back once.” 

“Sounds freeing.” Steve looked out to the sky, “I wish I could run like that.” 

“Yeah.” Eddie looked out with him, both of them taking in the feel of the wind for a moment. 

“Is that it?” Steve asked, voice gentle. 

“No.” Eddie shook his head. 

“Okay.” Steve smiled softly, “Take your time, Ed’s.” 

Eddie ignored how the nickname squeezed at his heart, “I found myself in unknown territory, sat myself down on a broken playground.” Eddie couldn’t help but smile at the memory, “I hated everything in the world. I was ready to run away and never face anyone ever again. But then this… boy just appeared out of nowhere. He appeared and he made everything better.” 

Eddie laid back into the grass, looking up at the soft sky as it began to set. Steve laid back with him, both of them taking in the feel of the world around them. 

“He had a sweet smile, and he wore the cleanest overalls I’d ever seen. I don’t remember much about him, my brain blocked out most of that week. But I remember him.” Eddie nodded, “He… he asked me if I was okay, if I wanted a friend. And we played. He made me a daisy chain and I thought he was the most perfect boy in the whole world. His favourite flowers are sunflowers, you know. That’s how I know him, call him my Sunflower boy.”

Eddie chuckled to himself, feeling happy with the memory, “He was so kind. Too kind, even. I thought my brain had made him up entirely. He’d just come to me on my worst day and fixed it all. He wore bright yellow and smiled warm and made me a fuckin daisy chain, Steve.” Eddie turned his head to look at him, “He was my first love.” 

Steve’s eyes widened a little, “You…” he blinked a few times, “You’re gay?” 

“Please don’t punch me.” Eddie muttered. 

“Why would I-” Steve swallowed, “I promise, I won’t.”

Eddie smiled, “Thanks.” 

“Keep talking.” Steve said low.

Eddie felt his spine tingle, “He invited me back to his house, for dinner. I wanted to go. I did, I loved him, I knew it. I never wanted to let this boy go again. And he was beautiful. I remember… we were in the middle of the road, and he had daisies in his hands and hair and… I loved him.” Eddie looked back up at the sky, “But I heard a cop car down the street, and they were looking for me. I thought they were going to arrest me, lock me up, and I didn’t wanna risk my Sunflower boy. I promised myself I’d make sure he always got to see the sun. Didn’t want him getting in trouble just for being nice to me… a supposed criminal.” Eddie chuckled, “Funny how things come back around.” 

Steve smiled, “Maybe you’re not as innocent as we thought, Eddie.” 

Eddie couldn’t help but blush, “I told him he was weird, because he didn’t want me to go. I told him… I was mean to him, Steve. But I didn’t know what else to say to make him let me go. I didn’t want him to know I was a criminal. I wanted him to remember me as the boy who liked daisies because they looked pretty on my Sunflower.” Eddie sighed, “I just hope he’s doing okay. I think about him every day, you know?” 

“You do?” Steve asked. 

“Yeah.” Eddie nodded, “He helps me through my hardest times. When things are shit, I just remember his sweet little voice saying hi.” 

“That's… cute.” 

“Mhm.” Eddie smiled, “After all was resolved, and mum got home, the daisy chain started to wilt. I went to mum with it, crying. Didn’t tell her why I didn’t want it to die, just that it was very important to me and that I needed to keep it forever and ever. She helped me pick the biggest, prettiest, most alive flower from it, and we preserved it.” 

“What?” Steve looked at him. 

“Yeah.” Eddie nodded, “We pressed it, then she turned it into a pin for me, put resin or some shit over it and a safety pin on the back.” Eddie opened up his leather jacket on his left, showing Steve the inside, “I keep it over my heart, so he’s always close to me.” 

“That’s beautiful.” Steve managed to say after a moment of silence. 

“Mhm.” Eddie closed his jacket, pressing a hand over his heart, “Just hope he’s got someone there for him now, like he was for me. Hope I didn’t shove him into the closet or whatever. Everyone deserves a Sunflower, especially my boy.”

“Your…” Steve trailed off with a whisper, “I think he does, Eddie.” 

“Really?” 

Steve nodded, “He’s got you, keeping him close.” 

Eddie frowned, “He probably hates me.” 

“I think he’d understand, if you explained it to him.” 

“I hope so.” Eddie sighed. 

“What would you say…” Steve wondered, “if you ever met him again?” 

Eddie chuckled, “I’d probably plant one on him.” 

Steve laughed, “What?” 

“Yeah!” Eddie nodded, “I’d give him a kiss. That’s all, just a kiss, thank him for keeping me sane all these years. Let him go on his way.” 

Steve sighed, “You’re wonderful, Eddie.” he smiled, hooking his pinkie with Eddies, “Promise I’ll never tell.” 

*

Oh god, it hurts. 

Everything really hurt. 

His body felt like fire and his blood was cold. 

Death wasn’t what he thought it would be. 

“Love you, man.” He managed to choke out, holding Dustin’s hand dearly. 

“Love you too.” The younger boy had managed to splutter out. 

Eddie’s face was sprinkled with tears and slobber and probably snot, but he was too close to death to care. 

“No, no, no, no!” He’d heard a voice shout from afar, “You idiot!” 

“I’m sorry.” Eddie whispered, but only Dustin had heard him. 

“Oh my god.” Nancy pressed a hand over her mouth, turning away, “Dustin-” she grabbed the boy, pulling him into her chest and stroking his hair, “Shh, it’ll be okay. It will be okay-” 

“No.” Steve whined again, this time he was on his knees, beside Eddie, holding his limp body, “Eddie…” 

Eddie smiled up at him with reddened teeth, “Hi, Steve.” 

“What did you do?” 

“I played hero.” Eddie managed to choke out, “I never liked… listening to peoples… rules.” 

Steve squeezed Eddie a little, “Idiot. I fucking hate you.” he cried a little harder, “Why… you said you’d live. We… we’d get you- I’ll get you out.” 

Eddie shook his head, “No-”

“I’m getting you out, Eddie.” Steve readied himself to stand, pulling Eddie with him. 

But Eddie groaned, let out a piercing cry of new found pain, more blood leaving his body. Steve put him back down, crying more. He couldn’t save him. 

Eddie smiled again, and it broke all of their hearts, “Thanks for listening, Steve.” He moved his frail hand around until it found Steves, and he squeezed with all his might, “Before… in the clear…ing. Thank you.” 

Steve shook his head, “You… you-” Steve sobbed, his hand wiped the blood from Eddie’s cheek, “I needa tell you something too.” 

Eddie nodded, “Course.” 

Steve forced himself to smile through the tears, “He’s me.” 

Eddie didn’t quite catch on. 

Steve wove his hand under Eddie’s jacket until he found the daisy pin, “Sunflower. He’s me.”

Eddie’s eyes widened, “I-” he smiled softly then, “Makes sense. You both had… lovely hair.” 

Steve laughed, “I always remembered you, Eddie. Always.” 

“Trying to make me feel bad?” Eddie joked, but his frail voice made laughing harder, “I’m dying here.”

Steve cradled him a little closer, “I remembered because you were the only boy in Hawkins with hair that long. And on that day, you were wearing a Garfeild shirt, and you wore it on the first day back at school.” Steve wiped his cheeks with his shoulders, “I didn’t talk to you because I thought you hated me.” 

Eddie’s eyebrows creased, “No…” he sounded so broken, his hand squeezed Steves again, “No… no, I loved you.” 

Steve nodded, “I know. I know now.” 

Eddie coughed and sputtered up some blood. 

“Shh.” Steve soothed, “Relax, Daisy boy.” 

Eddie smiled. 

“You broke my heart, that day, Ed’s.” Steve smiled, “My first heartache. I loved you too.” 

Eddie’s smile grew a lot sadder, “You broke mine too.”

“How?” Steve scoffed, “You did that to yourself.” 

“I know.” Eddie chuckled softly, ignoring the pain it caused, “But later. In your freshman year, you were so kind, at first.” he took a moment to breathe, “So pretty. Y- you were a slut, you know?” 

Steve laughed, “Yeah.” 

Eddie nodded, “Always made me… jealous.” 

“You had a thing for me in highschool?” Steve asked. 

Eddie nodded again, “You were such a dick, but I loved you.” Eddie turned his head towards the three huddled beside him, “Hated you, N- Nancy.”

Nancy laughed, “Yeah?” 

Eddie smiled, “You sucked… took him.” 

Steve genty took Eddie’s cheek, turning him back, “You hated me in highschool.” 

“I hated… King Steve.” Eddie smiled, lifting a hand to press on Steve’s heart, “Not you.” 

Steve sobbed some more. 

“Broke my heart… with every girl.” Eddie swallowed, he didn’t like the taste of blood much, “Guess we’re even.” 

Steve nodded, “Yeah, guess we are.” he looked down at him for a moment, shaking his head, “Fuck, Ed’s. Why’d you do it?” 

“Didn’t wanna run.” He pushed out. 

“I hate you.” Steve sobbed. 

“I know.” Eddie whispered, cupping Steve’s cheek, “I know, Sunflower.” 

Steve cried a whole lot harder, “You did shove me in the closet, you know?” 

Eddie felt his heart breaking, “I did?” 

“So far.” Steve nodded. 

“I’m sorry.” he couldn’t control the tear that slipped out, “Stevie, I’m sorry.” 

Steve chuckled, “Doesn’t matter now.” he stroked Eddie’s hair, “But maybe, if we’d known better back then, things could have been different.” 

“You think?” Eddie asked, eyes close to closing. 

“I know.” Steve leant down, pressing his forehead to Eddies, “Woulda been loving you much longer.”

Eddie hummed, eyes closing to feel Steve better, “Sunflower.” he’d whispered. 

He felt Steve’s body shake, “I hate you, Eddie.” his voice was so broken, “Why’d you have to do it? Why’d you have to play hero?” 

“I’m sorry.” Eddie opened his eyes. 

“No.” Steve sat up again, teeth gritted, “No you don’t… you don’t get to do that! You can’t do this to me, Eddie.” 

“I’m so sorry.” Eddie felt his body shake too, more tears falling, “I don’t want to die, Stevie, don’t let me die. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” 

Steve couldn’t see much, just red, “I love you.” 

Eddie tried to speak, but the crying shook his lungs and forced up more blood. 

“I don’t know what to do, Eddie. I don’t know what to do.” 

Eddie looked at him weakly, his hand slowly moving to hover over his heart, “T- take it.” 

Steve shook his head, “Take what?”

“M-my hea…rt, Stevie.” Eddie smiled, “‘Nd the d- daisy.” 

Steve closed his eyes, and nodded his head, “I’ll wear it every day.” 

Eddie smiled, “Love… you… Sunflower.” 

“No.” Steve shook Eddie’s body, “C’mon, no… please! Just need a little longer, Eddie, I’ll get you out of here.” 

Eddie smiled softly, “M’okay, baby.” he was barely whispering, “M’okay here.” 

“No.” Steve whispered back. 

“You’ve got me, Sunflower.” Eddie let his eyes close, “S’all that matters.” 

“I can’t let you go, Eddie. We need more time.” 

“Give me a kiss, Steve?” Eddie smiled, eyes unable to open again. 

Steve leant over, tears slipping off the end of his nose and onto Eddie’s. He pressed his lips to his Daisy boys and kissed him. He cried, so hard, and Eddie couldn’t kiss back, not really. It wasn’t anything like it should have been, but it was theirs, and that’s all that mattered. When Steve sat back up his mouth was red with Eddie’s blood, and Eddie had stopped moving. 

sorry not sorry x

don’t forget to reblog! comments are always welcome as well, i love to read about your thoughts and ideas <3

thanks for reading!

here is a little pic i drew for this :)

[air3d3lalm3na]

She had been sharing some of her pain medication with me to ease my own unresolved/undiagnosed pains. (Yes, messy, I know, don't be here if you feel like judging.)

Now she's gone and realistically I haven't had them since maybe even days or more since before she died. Maybe half a week, not a whole lot more I don't think. But that would make this a full week, at least, or maybe even two weeks, I'm losing track of this because I didn't write it down and yeah....

I had been on a small amount and low dose of these for at least the past three years, with only 1-2 week breaks, maybe 3.

So now I'm experiencing cold turkey withdrawal. Shakes, cold, sweating, sleep affected, etc. Hard to distinguish the first few days of her loss which had the natural shock, and also involved benadryl, from these symptoms. But since yesterday's hanging out with my sister felt like an ease to the shock, and I took no benadryl, I feel pretty confident in saying it's this withdrawal. It feels different, too.

(Benadryl withdrawal will likely set in not long from now, just to add to it. Considering how much I had to take that for sleep. Before adverse reactions came. Oh, joy. Double of this fun!)

She had severe pain issues. So she took much much more than me.

I did some mild reading last night before sleep and took screenshots to prompt me to do more later.

This could have killed her liver. Along with the vape. Along with her deep, PTSD-rooted phobia of doctors which caused her to avoid them, which I'm just now starting to understand how severe that was (one doctor claiming to have no records of her, still need to resolve if this is HIPAA related or the truth) -- so this could have gone unchecked and untreated for a long time.

Just. So much to deal with.

I feel so, so sad for her that she never did deal with this, and seems not to have even KNOWN that's what it is. She truly believed the emergency we went to the ER for was her kidneys, down to the very end of that visit. It blindsided her. (And I was mean about her expression of emotion since I felt tired by it and would rather she did that in private at home...God, my being tired of so many things about our lives made me so hurt and so mean sometimes. I HATE to have these memories of myself and her - but I know she must forgive me, and I have to, to. Shoulda coulda woulda.)

...

Maybe I should try to get on something just to ease me past this stage of the game so I don't have to be doing this so fucking raw. I mean I need to get a job and possibly MOVE apartments ASAP.

Just. A hell of a lot. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this physical withdrawal.

[something-tofightfor]

Sunday (Monday) Six

I was going to post this yesterday but I got sidetracked. Here’s 6 excerpts of 6 sentences from 6 different WIPs that I have going right now. 

Enjoy. 

All I Ever Needed (Just Too Good To Be Gone Joel Miller x Reader)

“Gimmie a minute.” He sighed, closing his eyes - and then pushed his pants down to his ankles in one smooth movement before stepping out of them and kicking them backwards. The denim joined the pile of other clothing he’d just removed and left him standing in front of you in only a threadbare pair of boxers, the elastic settled low on his hips. “If this ain’t warm, I -” 

He stopped though, as soon as he dipped a single foot into the pool, the man’s jaw dropping as your grin widened. 

You watched him relax - watched the way his posture loosened the deeper he got into the water, the man only opening his eyes when he twisted his body backwards to reach for his gun.

The Truth Is Out There (Marcus Pike x Reader)

He was moving with you, taking one step for every two of yours, and even though you knew it was a terrible idea, you wanted him to close the distance. “You’d avoid me afterward, Marcus.” 

Your back hit the wall next to the bedroom door and at the impact you whimpered, one hand held out in front of you to stop him. Is it to stop him or to touch him? Your question was answered when Marcus’ chest made contact with your hand, the tip of one finger pressed to the sliver of chest visible above the collar of his shirt. 

“No I wouldn’t.”

Nightingale (Jay Castillo x Reader)

Over the next few weeks, you got to know Jay better in a variety of ways. 

You talked occasionally on the phone, though the majority of your conversations happened through text messages or voice notes, the sound of his laugh brightening even the most annoying days at work. 

He’d been to your house, the man stopping over twice at your request for a late dinner after finishing at the shop - the meals turning into lounging on your couch and watching a movie before moving into your bedroom. You’d spent the night at his loft again, too, sitting back and watching as Jay worked on art in the sunlight that streamed in through the large windows, or under the artificial light from the bulbs he brought out at night. 

You went out for dinner or drinks a few times, meeting at hole-in-the-wall bars that smelled like stale beer or casual restaurants that gave you a chance to relax and not think too hard for a few hours. 

It was easy with Jay in a way that you hadn’t expected, and even though you’d ended up back in bed with him more often than not, you weren’t in any rush to put a label on what it was that you had between you.

Locked Down (Dieter Bravo x Reader)

So you forced yourself to wait until you’d paid for your groceries and were sitting in the parking lot, grabbing for the magazine and finding the correct pages. As you read them, you couldn’t contain your laughter. The “article” was little more than a few paragraphs picking apart Dieter’s social media posts, as well as Tina’s, and then pictures next to brief mentions of multiple other women he’d been linked to in the past - including Jennifer Pearson, Carol Cobb and Mara. 

You - like Christen - were simply listed as a “mystery woman”, and by the time you finished reading, you were upset that you’d shelled out the money to buy it. 

So you did the only thing you could think of and held the magazine up next to your face, grinning as you raised your phone and took a selfie. Attaching it to a text message, you sent it to Dieter, along with one sentence: Baby’s first tabloid cover!

All the Same Old Places (Tommy Miller x Reader; pre JTGtBG)

Tommy laughed, reaching up with one hand and pushing his sunglasses up to rest atop his head and giving himself the opportunity to look at you without the tinted lenses in the way. Shoulda done this a few minutes ago, holy shit. 

He wasn’t the only one interested in what he saw - and he wondered if he’d been able to keep his expression more neutral than you had.

Tommy held back a smile at the way your eyes widened at the sight of his entire face, an involuntary tug on the inside of your lip visible as you bit down on it. Better late than never. “No worries.

Hot Corner (Baseball Jack Daniels x Reader)

“We’re going to miss it, come on.” The little boy tugged on your hand, almost dragging you toward the steps in his excitement. “They only come out for a couple minutes before the games.”

“Caleb, you’ve gotta relax, we’re early, I promise you.” You were grinning, though, as he led you toward the field, and when you saw that some of the players were already on the outfield, tossing balls back and forth, your smile grew. “See Kiddo, Jack’s not out there yet - none of the infielders are.”

[bloodyknucklesforme]

Don't Blame Me | John 'Soap' Mactavish x F!OC

Chapter 18: The Lakes

Ao3 | Masterpost

Nina and John are reunited

General Tags: Fake Marriage, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Slow Build, Canon-Typical Violence

Words:

“I know I stabbed you but was breaking my ribs really necessary?” Nina asked as Ghost helped her hobble back from the bathroom. He chuckled under his breath. 

“I won’t try as hard to save your life next time.” He said, wrapping an arm around her legs to lift her back into bed. She winced and whimpered in pain. Her nails dug into his hoodie. He let her lean against him as she started deep breathing. She was given pain medication but her whole torso ached. 

“Please actually just let me die next time.” She said, blinking tears away. 

“I don’t think Johnny would have liked that.” He said. 

“Have you seen him?” She asked as he lifted her to sit on the bed and helped move her legs so she could lay back. 

“Yesterday before you woke up. He ripped his stitches crawling down the hall.” 

“Why was he crawling in the hallway?” 

“To see you. Would have made it if he didn’t leave a blood trail. Gaz and I had to carry him back. The nurse chewed him out harder than Price ever could.” He laughed as took his regular seat in the chair by her bed. 

She turned away trying to hide the flush on her face. He was beautifully stupid sometimes. She would have laughed if it didn’t make her cry. 

She’d spent a lot of time crying over the past 24 hours. She’d tried to remain stoic for all of 10 seconds before memories flooded the dams behind her eyes. Price’s hands on her shoulders as she sobbed out begs for knowledge about John. 

He was okay. Needed stitches and will have to do a couple of weeks of physical therapy but he’d be okay. 

He was being sent home at the end of the week. Price had declared no arguments would be had about it. She would stay here with him while Gaz, Ghost, and John returned to the UK. Agent Laswell was going to arrive later that day to settle all the paperwork. Price said to give it four to six weeks and she’d be in England too. 

“I don’t have an extra room but we can set you up in my office for a bit and depending on how long you need, get you a real bed.” He assured. He’d been ‘fathering’ a lot the past 24 hours. He’d gotten her new earrings (‘these won’t turn your ears green’). He held her hand through the copious amounts of catch-up vaccines she’d gotten (‘Had to do the same thing during basic’). He kicked Ghost out of the room yesterday evening after she ate her first real meal in 3 days. 

“I never stopped looking for you. Shoulda never left ya after seeing your dad yell like that. Shoulda taken you in myself.” He thought she was asleep. His voice kept cracking. “I wouldn’t have been the best dad but you woulda been safe. Coulda gone to school and done your A levels. Woulda taught you how to drive. I was young and a coward. Wish I broke that cunt’s jaw that day. You were a baby, Nina.”

She clenched her good hand. He wanted privacy. He was talking like no one could hear. Maybe he did want her to hear on some subconscious level. He thought she was asleep so she kept the act up. 

“A baby to me at least. Every country I went to, I asked if they’d seen you or your father. I had ears in Russia, Mexico, Urzikstan. Fucking Kyrat…” he chuckled. “Whole unit thought your dad killed ya. Couldn’t stomach the thought. When Laswell called to ask about my former Captain and his daughter, almost went mad. She wasn’t sure but there was some English girl in the mountains of a failed state. I wanted to get you that day, bring ya home. That agent that had contact you, he was lucky he was dead on arrival. Using you as bait? Wanted to cave his head in for that.”  

He stood up, the metal scrapped against the linoleum. 

“If I ever get my hands on your dad… God’s mercy on him 'cause it won’t be mine.” He pushed her hair back and kissed her forehead, his beard hair tickled her face. “John’ll be good to ya. You deserve it.”

Ghost came back after he left and found her crying. He grabbed her a tissue box and took up his silent watch. 

She liked that he was quiet. It made her calm. He would sit with his back towards her, legs stretched out with his heels resting on the floor. The chair in the room was the most comfortable and every half hour or so he’d get up and stretch before sitting back down. 

He’d talk if she did but there wasn’t a lot to say. She didn’t know anything about him. She just stared at his back and made up stories in her head.

“It’s rude to stare, love.” He spoke, shattering her mental picture of him watering an impressive rose garden. 

“Why the skull?” She blurted out. 

“Hmm?”

“Why the skull mask if ghosts don’t have bones?” 

“A skull’s more intimidating than a white sheet.”

“You do it to scare people?” He shrugged. It worked, scared the shit out of her. Scared the nurses too. He’d taken it off and switched to a medical mask, baseball cap, sunglasses, and pulled-up hoodie (all black); at Price’s request. Too many rumors had been swirling about the hospital apparently. “I mean it works. It was pretty fucking scary.”

“Scary enough to stab me?” He looked over his shoulder at her.

“In my defense, the rest of them were wearing balaclavas… how badly did I get you?”

“Not bad. Little more than a nick honestly. One of few to get me and survive to talk about it.” 

“Scary and dangerous.”

“Your boyfriend isn’t a pacifist either.”

“He doesn’t wear a skull mask.”

“He has before.”

She almost didn’t catch it - boyfriend. Was he her boyfriend? She played around with the word silently in her mouth. Boyfriend. It was a downgrade after spending the previous week referring to him as her husband.

They’d left the ring on her hand. It was disgustingly dirty now. The stone was cloudy and the band was tarnished. Dark brown blood filled any scratches. She hoped she’d be allowed to keep it. 

There was a knock on the door. Ghost got up and pulled the curtain around her; a standard procedure now. 

“You hear with permission or do I have to carry you back to your room?” Ghost said.

“He’s here with me.” Price said. “Is she up?”

John…

“I’m up.” She said before Ghost could get a syllable out. There was the squeak of rubber against linoleum. John hobbled around the corner. 

“Hey, Neen.” He was grinning. His face was bruised from where the butt of the gun hit him. 

“Hi, John.” She pushed herself up straighter. It fucking hurt. 

“Hey, careful. I’ll come to you.” He came around the side of the bed and dragged a chair over with his crutch. He took her hand in his, smile fading as he saw the bandage. It looked like he was choking on his words. “I’m so fucking sorry, Neen. I’m so fucking sorry.”

He looked at his feet and held her knuckles against his forehead. He was trying not to cry, she could see it in how his shoulders were hunched over. 

“Why are you apologizing?” She said, cupping his cheek. “You didn’t do anything.”

“I didn’t protect you, Neen. You almost died and I...I didn’t do anything,” His voice cracked. 

“Come here,” She tugged on his wrist. He looked up at her. “I almost got you killed.” 

She grazed her fingers over the bruise around his throat. 

“I didn’t want to watch you die,” she hiccuped. “ I was gonna come back for you. I wasn’t going to leave you. I was gonna kill him and I was going to come back. We were in it together. I failed just as much as you.”

John pressed his lips to her knuckles before speaking against them.

“I thought I was going to lose you. I don’t want to leave you here.” His eyes were red

“I’ll be okay… could you call me when you get back? So I know you’re okay? So I can hear your voice?” His eyes lit up and he smiled at that.

“Every night, Neen. I call ya every night. No matter what, you call I’ll pick up, aye? Till you touch ground in England. I told you you wouldn’t be able to get rid of me.” He pushed himself up on one crutch and leaned in to peck her cheek. He checked to make sure Ghost and Price weren’t looking before coming back with a sloppy kiss on her lips. 

“I might not be able to keep my hands off you next time,” he whispered. “If Price doesn’t kill me first.”

“I won’t let him.” She whispered back. 

“I get checked out tomorrow but Gaz and I will bring you lunch before we leave.” He gave her another quick kiss. He kept turning to leave but would stop to give her another kiss. 

“Come on, Soap. She still needs rest.” Price said, coming around the curtain to end their privacy. “You’ll see her tomorrow. “

“Call me,” he mouthed, holding up a hand to mimic a phone. She grinned and nodded. 

“So who’s paying for all these international calls you two are planning?” Price asked as they left. Ghost came around when the door shut. 

“Johnny’s a good man. Take care of him.”

“I will.” 

He nodded and went back to his post. She found herself smiling when she woke up the next morning. 

It was an early lunch. She, Price, and Ghost could hear Gaz yelling at John to slow down from the elevator to the room. 

Price was helping her sit up to eat when John came in, moving as fast as he could on crutches. 

“You’re supposed to knock, Johnny,” said Ghost. 

“Like you didn’t know it was me, L.t.” 

Gaz followed him with two large brown paper bags filled with food.

“Finest Mexican in Northwestern Canada for you, darling,” Gaz said as he started taking takeout containers and setting them on the fold-out tray beside her. 

“Thank you,” she smiled. Gaz and Price pulled up their own chairs and the four of them dove in. John used his limited vocal capacity to explain what everything was. 

“This is good but you have to try real Mexican one day.”

“Is this not real Mexican?”

“No way. Rudy showed Ghost and me the best street tacos I’ve ever had.”

“When have you ever had street tacos before?” Gaz asked, incredulously. 

“Never. That’s why they were the best.” The two started laughing. 

“Ghost? Come join us.” Nina said. He looked back over his shoulder at her and gave a soft shake of his head. “You need to eat” She turned to the others “I’ve never seen him eat.”

“I eat when you sleep, love.” 

“Price is cutting my food for me so I’m unarmed.”

“She does have a fork though,” Gaz laughed until Ghost gave him a look. He still pulled up a chair.

“What’s your opinion on the food?” She asked, offering him a chip. He took it but didn’t eat.

“Alejandro’s was better. Can tell by the smell.” 

“Didn’t think the two of you would be itching to go back to Mexico so quickly.”

“Just for the food, Sir,” John said. “Wouldn’t mind seeing the Vaqueros again someday.”

“Vaqueros?” Nina asked.

“Mexican special forces unit we worked with. Means cowboy.” Ghost said, he’d eaten the chip when no one was looking. 

“I’ll take you one day,” John said as he took another bite of fajitas. 

“You’re gonna take me to Mexico?” She asked. When he told her about Las Almas he didn’t speak of anything happy. 

“You’re taking her to Mexico?” Price asked, arms crossed. John shrugged.

“Outside of work, of course. Las Almas is beautiful when the sun’s out. There are other parts of the country I’d like to see too. Gulf Coast, the old temples.” He’d taken her hand and was rubbing his thumb over the back of it. “Don’t want to lose any of my Spanish skills either.”

He kept his hand on hers for the rest of lunch but eventually he had to leave. Gaz was kind enough to pack up any leftovers for Price to take back to his hotel. Laswell had secured them temporary housing once she checked out in a couple of days. They’d stay there till her paperwork was ready and she could fly. 

John lingered as he always did. He was careful of PDA in front of Price but would steal kisses to her cheek whenever he wasn’t looking. He wrote his number down on a napkin for her. When they were afforded a small moment of privacy, he pulled something from his pocket.

“I need you to take care of this for me, okay?” He handed her a silver necklace with his ring around it. “I have to see my maw when I get back and I think she’d lose her mind if she thought I eloped. Can you keep it safe for me till I see you again?”

She looked at him, tears springing up in the corners of her eyes as her bottom lip trembled. He kissed her. It was tender with his hand cupping the back of her head. 

“Six weeks and I’ll take you on a proper date, aye?” 

“Yeah.” He helped her put the necklace on. 

“Whatever you want to do, we’ll do it. Just you and me.” He kissed her cheek. 

She knew he would see him again. Laswell was going to drop off a phone for her tomorrow so they could talk. Six weeks wasn’t long compared to twelve years. She would sleep through most of it. His reassurances and sweet words didn’t help much when he gave her one last kiss goodbye. He was trying not to cry too. 

“Call me whenever, Nina. I mean it.” He would have stood in that doorway forever if Gaz hadn’t tugged him away. “Six weeks, it’s a date.”

“A date.” She smiled. 

And he was gone. 

“Six weeks,” she told herself. “Just six weeks.”

Tag List: @yeyinde @queen-ilmaree @yearningforsappho @mykneeshurt @gogh-with-the-flow

LMK if you want to be added for this or any other fic 💗

[whentheresnomoreleft]

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[goodmorningglory]

there was a ya book trivia at the library yesterday augu i shoulda gone!!!!

[thelittlethings66]

The Guest

We look at a man in the back seat of the car. 'He would've bled out'. Rick says as we sit around discussing what to do with Randall. 'It's gotten bad in town'. Glenn says. 'What do we do with him? Andrea asks. Hershel walks in. 'I repaired his calf muscle as best as I can but he will probably have nerve damage, won't be on his feet for at least a week'. 'When he is we give him a canteen, take him out to the main road and send him on his way'. 'Isn't that the same as leaving him for the walkers'. Andrea says. I look over and notice Daryl has walked in standing at the back. He looks Carol and nods his head, then glances at me. 'He knows where we are'. Shane says. 'He was blindfolded the whole way here'. Rick says. 'Rick you killed three of his men and left one for dead'. 'They left him for dead, no one is looking'. 'We should still post a guard'. T says. 'He's out cold right now, will be for hours'. Hershel says. Shane walks out the room in a huff. 'You know, we haven't even dealt with what you did at my barn yet.' Hershel says to Shane as he walks out. 'Let me make this perfectly clear, once and for all. This is my farm. Now I wanted you gone. Rick talked me out of it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. So do us both a favour. Keep your mouth shut'. He finished talking and Shane walks out. 'Everyone lets just cool off, have a breather'. Rick says.

'How's your head today Ash?'. T asks as we walk out. 'It's alright at the moment thanks. Hopefully I stay upright today'. He laughs. 'Well if you feel funny let us know'. 'Thanks T'. 'What happened? Daryl asks when we are on our own. 'I um....fainted again yesterday. When we were cleaning up the.... bodies'. 'Why didn't know one tell me? 'I don't know, didn't know where you were. 'Shoulda found me for that'. 'What would you have done? Watched me sleep'. I smile at him. He scoffs. 'Next time you'll be the first to know....um I know you like to be on your own sometimes but could you at least I don't know stay in sight. So we know where you are'. 'I can take of myself'. 'I know, but just humour me. Please'. 'Alright'. 'Thankyou. Did you argue with Carol again? I noticed something'. 'God women, you see everything'. I smile. 'It's fine...' 'Ok then. I decide to leave that alone. He looks at the ground. 'Um...you hungry? ' Uh yeah'. 'Got some squirrel? I smile. 'Yeah alright... just please cook it this time'. I say as we walk over to his little camp. He smiles this time. 'You should smile more you know'. He blushes as he starts cooking.  'I get it'. 'What?' 'Why you like being over here. Away from all the drama it's nice'. 'Exactly, it's like a damn romance novel over there'. 'Yep'. ' And now there will be a baby'. He nods. 'I hope it's Ricks'. I say as I finish eating. He looks at me. 'Me too'. I smile back. 'Thanks for the food. Your a good cook'. 'S'alright'.

After lunch with Daryl I decide to go and check on Beth. Even though I haven't really spoken much to her I am worried about her. She is sat alone in her room. Crying. 'Hey, hey'. Your alright'. She doesn't look at me. 'I know how hard it is. My mum died last year'. Now she looks at me. 'It's just so pointless'. 'You have Maggie and your Dad. Patricia, Jimmy. You're not alone, you gotta stay strong for them. We have just got to get through this. And by the way I don't like Shane. Like at all. Can't stand the man'. She smiles and looks at me. 'Thank you'. 'You wanna go for a walk, get some fresh air'. 'Alright'. 'Good, come on then'. She gets up slowly and grabs hold of my arm. 'Beth, your up'. Maggie says as we walk into the kitchen. 'Thought I'd go for a walk'. 'Ok then'. Maggie says looking surprised she mouths thankyou as we walk past and out the front door. 'Just tell me if you need to sit alright'. 'Ok'. 'Can I ask you something? She says to me after walking for a few minutes. 'Yeah'. 'How did your mom die?' 'Breast cancer, she had it for years'. But it was too aggressive and spread everywhere'. 'I'm sorry'. 'It sucks but she was in so much pain, she looked... at peace in the end'. 'You were with her?' 'Yeah at home. She didn't want to die in hospital'. 'Was she English like you?' 'Yeah. We were in the UK. But my dad is American'. 'So you came to see him when this started'. 'Yeah, with my brother'. 'He's gone?'. 'Yeah, just me now'. 'But you can find your dad right? You know where he is?' 'I do...but it's um complicated'. She smiles back. 'You're not alone either'. She says as we sit down back on the porch at the house. 'Thanks'. She gives me a hug. 'Where's Rick? It's too quiet out here'. She asks. 'Him and Shane have taken that kid Randall somewhere'. 'They're just gonna leave him'. 'I guess so. He might be a danger'. 'Still doesn't feel right though'. 'I know, but they are just trying to protect us'. 'Look there they are'. I point as a car comes down the driveway towards the house. As they get out the car. He is still with them, tied up once more.

Everyone starts walking over. 'I'm gonna put him in the barn. We can all discuss this calmly'. Rick says as he walks straight past everyone. He nods at Daryl when he walks on so he follows behind. 'So what you gonna do? Lori asks when Rick comes back. 'We'd all feel better if we knew the plan'. 'Is there a plan? Andrea asks. I notice Daryl walking back over. Blood all over his knuckles. 'We gonna keep him here? Glenn asks. 'We'll know soon enough'. Rick replies. 'Boy there's got a gang, 30 men'. Daryl says. 'They have heavy artillery and they ain't looking to make friends. They roll through here, our boys are dead'. 'And our women, they're gonna...they're gonna wish they were'. 'What did you do? Carol asks. 'We had a little chat'. She looks at his hands. 'No one goes near this guy'. Rick says. 'Rick what are you gonna do? Lori asks her husband. 'We have no choice he's a threat. We have to eliminate the threat'. 'You're just gonna kill him? Dale asks. 'It's settled. I'll do it today'. Rick replies. 'You can't do this'. Dale says. 'You don't wanna do this. I know you don't'. Dale follows Rick as he walks off and I watch them argue in the distance. 'Daryl, did you believe him? I ask. 'What? 'Did you believe the kid?' 'Yeah, you don't? 'I don't know, what if he is just saying all of this to scare us'. 'Why would he do that, it makes it worse for him'. Shane says. 'Trying to make himself seem intimidating or something, put up a front. Or he is killing time'. Shane rolls his eyes and looks away. 'But I'm probably being stupid and paranoid though'. 'Your not stupid, but he is. If he is lying'. Daryl replies. Shane walks off towards the barn and Andrea follows so I follow them. I walk quietly behind them and hide  round the corner of the barn. ' So what are you gonna do? Rick's the leader of the group'. I overhear Andrea says. 'Maybe we oughta change that'. Shane replies. 'What, you gonna lock them in a room and take their guns'. He doesn't reply. 'I don't know that could get out of hand'.  'No it won't, I won't let it. I don't want anybody to get hurt. Rick's my friend, Hershel... he's all right by me. I just wanna know what it's like to not sleep with one eye open'. As I listen I can hear talking inside the barn so I hold my ear up to the wood. 'Hey, that's a sweet hat. I'm Randall, what's your name? 'That sheriff guy that your dad?' Shit. I run round to the front and open the doors. 'What the hell you doing girl?' Shane asks. 'Carl's in there'. Shane runs in and grabs Randall's throat. What did you say to him? What did you say? 'I didn't say nothing!'. 'I will shoot you. Open your mouth. Open your mouth.' 'Shane stop it!'. Andrea shouts at Shane. While I stand with Carl. Shane puts his gun away then looks at Carl. 'Get your ass out this door. Let's go'. He pulls Carl out the barn. 'What the hell you doing?' 'Please don't tell my parents'. ' Carl, you could have gotten hurt man'. 'I can handle myself'. 'Let me tell you something, you do not go near him. Do you hear me?'. 'Carl, just go back to the RV yeah'. I say. He nods and runs off, Andrea follows behind. 'How'd you know he was in there? He walks up to me. 'I heard them. I heard both of you, having a nice....chat'. He stares me down and walks slowly towards me. 'Are you threatening me? You don't wanna do that'. 'No, it's nothing'. 'Good choice'. I turn and walk away and he grabs my arm. 'Let go of me! That hurts!' I break free and run off  heart beating quickly.

I run over to Daryl's little camp. Wanting somewhere quiet to calm down. Heart beating quickly. I sit down on a log. Hold onto my necklace. Hands shaking. Eyes closed. Tears in my eyes. 'What you doing? Out here on your own? Daryl says making me jump. 'Sorry...' I say standing up. 'Why you crying?' 'I'm not'. 'Ya are, sit down'. He says then sits in front of me. 'What happened?' 'It's nothing'. 'It clearly is, ya shaking'. 'Um...I heard Shane and Andrea talking by the barn, bout what to do with Randall, Rick being in charge, taking the guns oh and Carl was in the barn so he was pissed about that. He didn't like that I was listening and apparently I threatened him but I didn't mean too, he didn't like that either. Sorry I didn't mean to ramble. He just scared me...that's all. I'm overreacting'. He looks at my arm, a red mark already showing. 'He do that'. I look down. 'Uh yeah'. 'Imma kill him!'. He stands up and starts pacing around. 'Daryl'. He starts walking off. 'Daryl, please don't do anything, just sit down'. I go after him and grab his hand to stop him. 'Just calm down. Please. Don't start anything, it's not worth it'. He turns and looks at me biting his lip. 'Fine but we telling Rick'. 'Ok, just not yet. I need to calm down first. Don't wanna cry in front of him'. 'He wouldn't care'. 'I meant Shane'. We sit down once again. 'Dale came and talked to me'. Daryl says. 'Bout Randall? 'Yeah and Otis'. 'How he killed him'. I say back. 'Yeah, how'd you know? 'It's obvious, story doesn't add up. It's something I can see him doing'. 'Yeah, that's what Dale said'. 'I knew I liked him'. He scoffs. 'He doesn't want us to kill Randall'. 'What do you think?' 'Don't matter'. 'Yes it does, people listen to you. I do'. He smiles and looks down. 'Come on, need to talk to Rick'. Daryl says as he stands up'. 'Ok'.

You both walk over to the house. Rick and Lori are talking on the porch. 'Hey Rick'. Daryl says to the Sheriff. 'Everything alright? 'Na it's not, look at her arm'. Daryl says. 'What happened? 'Shane'. I say quietly. 'He did that? 'Yeah, it's a long story'. 'You gonna say somethin to him? Daryl asks. 'Daryl it's fine'. 'Na it's not alright'. 'I'm so sorry Ashley, I will talk to him'. Rick says. 'That's all your gonna say'. 'Daryl, I will sort this out, just don't talk to him'. Everyone starts walking over to the house. 'We are gonna have a meeting now about our guest, we'll talk about this later'. He says as he walks inside. 'You alright? Daryl asks. 'Yeah I'm fine, let's go in'. Daryl follows me inside.

[kappakaijutv]

i’ve been having a lot of intrusive thoughts abt my boyfriend this past week from being off my meds and it’s super not cool cus i love him and i hate having these thoughts sometimes they really make me ready to die lmao