#i should start making a tag for my non-anon beloveds | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mimibtsghost7 · 4 years ago

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Fuck you and all your little brain washed rats sending people hate because you cant take responsibility for your actions!! But go on stay silent like you always do, pretend its nothing of your business, keep being a fetishizing racist delulu like you love to be while pretending to be the best blog on tumblr!!!

NOT like anyone will see this but YOU will so LET’S GOOO!!!~~

TW: mental health and more (if you feel like this can trigger you, pls don’t read this, breathe in and out and listen to this HERE and remember I love you), loads of tea and Mimi NOT being a friendly and kind ghost.

funny enough:

I never pretended of said I was the best blog. But I guess the fact that you say it might be because you heard it frequently? Thanks for thinking so^^

I sent hate to no one and u r the one sending it to me rn ^^ In my whole 4 year journey on Tumblr I received a lot of love but also worse hate that you can imagine. Yes you are saying now you are receiving hate ... funny how it’s bad when It’s addressed to you but when it’s at me and my dear followers it is not. Still, I never told anyone to go hate on you. You were the idiot that tagged my old blog and as soon as my blog was gone pple searched me and found out you were the reason behind this. But as you keep hating on me. Let me tell you I am kind but don’t mistake that for me being a coward.

I am not into insulting others and I don’t care much if you insult me. BUT don’t YOU DARE touch my dear followers. Insulting ain’t hard. Let me try: The only rat here is you hiding in your hole as an anon. I went and compared your writing with this ask and previous hate asks. And it was you~ Good for you~ the sewers smell just like your filthy mouth spilling sh*t left and right. So on brand. However, I know who you are @hobisbeautifulass Hi ^^

Me racist? HAHAHAHAH you truly know NOTHING about me nor my ex-blog’s message. It was a place when you were welcomed no matter your skin color, religion, gender ... proof? well it got deleted thanks to you. but ask around this time and search for who reblogged my posts as they were always the top of the tags (even if I don’t trust how bad you are at research). I supported the BLM movement and still do and will always do but I did so veeery early without anyone telling me. Not for the notes but because of my humanity. I wished my dear followers’ happy holidays no matter their religions. And never cared about those things. Why judge someone on something based on religion or how they were born. As for the LGBTQ+ community, I was always and will always be there for love being love. I talked about mental health and opened venting nights. I helped left and right and when I was receiving hate because of people like you spitting lies about me. What did I do? Did I go online and called people bad? No. I looked back at myself and asked myself if I did anything wrong. I tried to educate myself and apologized sincerely when I had to. I read books and watched documentaries to learn how to become a better human. AND never repeated a mistake twice. You tend to forget that our cultures are different and sometimes you grow up to see some things as normal when they are not. This is not an excuse tho, so I always believed that I was lacking and if someone had something to say against me, there is a chance they are right and just in case I should reflect on myself. But for your case it was pure nonsense. ME? a stalker? how can I stalk when I have social anxiety and at that time couldn’t even leave my room? I am even afraid of taking public transportations and just the other days I was crying from joy when I took a taxi alone. they said I was in Japan stalking Jimin and Jungkook and took a pic when I was NEVER EVER was on that land. You put me on the same list as people who bought info about BTS’ flights to be on the same plane as them? I was stalked before and let me tell you it ain’t cute and fun. I am even scared of the idea of being followed. that’s why I never shared openly my age, country, or anything about me on my blog. that’s why I have no personal social media to this day and that’s why making my ex-blog was some sort of miracle in my life.

Silent? yes I was silent when I received hate and didn’t even vent to my dear followers or pointed fingers. Why? because I thought as my day was hell I shouldn’t make anyone’s day worse. I was worried about my dear followers with mental illnesses being triggered. I tried to take my life so many times I lost count but I still came here and smiled. It was my safe place and you took it away. Yet, I should pity you? You hated on me first for no reason and you know it deep inside but right now you are trying to convince yourself that you are the angel and feel no guilt. Compared to you. I pointed fingers at no one and didn’t name you when my blog was gone. Why? because compared to you, I thought you will not be able to manage the hate and what was done .. I didn’t want you to suffer the same way I did when you are the one who made me suffer the most the past couple of days. But the kind Mimi is someone you will never remember because you dared touch the friends I love and calling them names. I don’t mind people insulting me but don’t you dare touch my people. I know myself best. My dear friends/followers know me best. I thought ... I could leave without this mess but you keep barking in my ask box and it’s annoying. I left this backup account just to talk to my friends and yet you are here to ruin things again? I should stop being kind to the ones who deserve non of it. I ignored you when I had so many followers and you went silent too because you were scared of me. But as soon as I lost my blog because of you, you went, edited and then reblogged that stalker post. How can I be a stalker? do you even know the definition of a stalker? do you even know shame? well .. I don’t think so.. you said it yourself. You are NOT ashamed (and you reblogged that so many time lol).

Death threats? this is no competition but thanks to people like you I have been there and wish no one to be there not even you. The only difference is that you almost killed me for real. You were not the sole reason? Great job walking away from you beloved word: RESPONSIBILITY. And I didn’t get just anon hate, I got literal tagging by people like you, DMs, and people pointing guns at me. That’s why I didn’t mention you. I was worried about the one who took away what I worked for for 4 YEARS. I was more sad and concerned about the ARMY fandom here. Do you know how many rely on my updates? do you know how many people said I helped them? do you know any of that? do you think 200k people were “rats”? Do you think if I did and say wrong thing I will not be questioned by those people. I always told my dear followers: “friends, if I do or say anything wrong or share anything that hurts anyone please tell me. I am willing to learn from everyone.” But what did you know? what did you do? Well .. guess you love notes? As the most notes you ever got and the most attention was when talking about me?

Love how you talk about fetishing when my blog was what people call “family friendly”. I also like BTS. I love them for their music, talent, personalities and the happiness they give me. I also enjoy BTS’ bond and love their interactions. I posted content of all kinds of interactions JM X JK, JK X V, V X JIN, JIN X SG, SG X JH, JH X RM, RM X JM ... If you are calling this fetishing asian men just because I scream over BTS as a fan and love their bonb. Then aren’t you against the idea of being an ARMY? I was a clear OT7 and you were told that you weren’t right:

Then you answered this without even explaining the nonsense about me:

idk .. I am trying to find sense in your nonsense so .. wait wait let me look at the definition of fetishism first.

Fetishism /ˈfɛtɪʃɪz(ə)m/ noun: a form of sexual behavior in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, activity, part of the body, etc.

Then .. judging from your URL alone hmmm ... cute. I won’t even talk about the SMUT you write that is full of kinks and fetishism. Well I have no problem with fan fiction but the irony you spit is out of this world.

Also, I made money out of mimibtsghost? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH no lil one. I worked day and night for FREE. At some point when BT21 just came out and there were no products on AMAZON or anywhere but S.Korea, someone reached out to me to offer 20% off or something for my dear followers. When they asked what I wanted I said what about international giveaways for my dear followers. Basically, made gifs, found content, updates, analysis, edits, and so on for free. Again, w-wait .. Aren’t you the one asking for commissions? Well .. It’s not wrong. But again THE irony.

So, I went to see that post you made about me with “PROOF” and it was just another person who was salty as I got them blocked I can’t even recall who they were but oh well. Their arguments according to YOU and many should be taken as FACTS just because they said them? You said HERE that your first comeback was MOST:7 that came in just last year (2020) SO what the hell do YOU know about what happened years before you came when all the proof you pointed at where baseless without any backing?

Let’s see this so wise person you used to delete my blog and what I have done ^^

The gifs: There is a story to this. The first week I came to Tumblr, It was my first time on this site and the first time I share anything. I shared some content and my analysis had a lot of notes for a small creator that started just a week ago. But I made a mistake, I found a gif and posted it while crediting the gif maker. At the time I had NO idea it was wrong. I logged off and after 5 hours I log in and there was a WAR for that ONE gif. The big blog had me blocked and her friend was telling me to take it off. As soon as the person told me I did IMMEDIATELY and apologized againa and again and told them to tell the original gif maker to deblock me as I want to apologize directly and that they can block me after that. They did and I apologized but they just kept insulting me. Of course it was MY mistake and that’s why I apologized. But for them. for a mere gif (yes I say a mere gif because I made so many gifs and they were used on all platforms but I never thought it was necessary to hate that much on someone like they did to me). That blog was big and had big blog mutuals. Thanks to that, I became someone you do NOT become mutuals with but block and never reblog content from. Without any big mutuals. Without any shoutouts. Only my love for BTS, my dear followers’ support and my hard work.. My blog, became bigger and FAST (I got 10k in less than 6 months after I started) and that brought loads of jealousy and thus more rumors. Even if, I apologized and since then made my own gifs. And I made SO many gifsets that I can’t remember how many there were. What I can recall is at some point I made them daily and many times a day.

Ships Jikook? I posted content of ALL the members interactions. I was here at a time where Jikook stans and Taekook stans where always fighting. BUT I posted about both and even made so many posts to encourage loving all the members and all the interactions. I also used the tags solely used for shipping with other big tags to show that BTS’ interactions are all important and their bond is beutiful. That our fandom shouldn’t hate on a member just because they are not part of a ship we like. And wait .. even if I shipped Jikook? I got called ALL those names by someone who ship the members with readers and write sexual scenes? Like, wait ... I am truly confused. Like, write fanfic and do all you want as long as you hurt no one I guess but why am I getting hurt for doing non of it? Like according to you, the person you should be cancelling is yourself?! I am also not into cancel culture like you so hahah whatever.

Posted stalker pics: well wow the story changes each time. Next thing you will hear that I was the one holding a camera for a member in a Vlive lol. Let me teach you about this update thing I was doing. I follow accounts I trust and that’s how we get info circulating fast. I always do reasearch but sometimes mistakes are made. For example when lately people shared pictures of BTS leaving their virtual concerts and schedules. There was a watermark of a news outlet. Normally we trust those but only later we realized that those people stalked BTS. You clearly can’t know it all. But I still didn’t share many pics related to many events (I will not name those as pple can search them even now because some pple never deleted those). And all big accounts shared many pics then deleted later. This happens all the time but it happened like ONCE for me. However, I am called a stalker for that?

When Jonghyun passed away ... I don’t even wanna recall that night as the memories just ... when that happened I posted about it and send my condolescences. that post had over 10k notes and was at the top the tag. Why did I do that? I was devastated. Yes, many were but I will talk about me rn: I was suicidal the days before that and one of the songs that I listened to when I was broken where by him. I has been in the kpop world since 2006. And learned about his group since their debut with ‘Replay’. I was never a stan but I still knew of many groups and listened to all the songs I liked. I was very sad when he was gone and ANGRY mostly. Why is this angel leaving? Why is someone like me still here? Why did I not leave instead of him? How much did he suffer? And in the midst I posted a post from twitter that stated how agencies usually put down pple with mental illiness and hide it in the industry. Yes, that was important but NOT at that time. I shouldn’t have posted that and I realized after 5 min of doing so that it was WRONG. So I deleted it FAST but it kept being reblogged and I kept getting hate and people telling me: “Go kill yourself”... the sad part is that I almost did as my answer was “true ... why am I still here?” I apologized and logged off then to this day won’t forget crying at 3 AM while walking outside next to my dad. I was outside as I couldn’t breathe anymore and the idea of seeing the walls of my room was hell. I cried and cried and the teary eyes that my father looked at me with are something I am ashamed of to this day. To add one more thing while I am spilling the beans. I hate learning about someone dying. My grandma passed away sometime before that and it was so shocking to me. and some people came and told me when I was mourning her: Go follow that bitch of grandmother of yours. And for what? At that moment I didn’t think I would live to see the next year but I went to therapy and took medecine that was hurting and made me shake all day just to turn somewhat sane. No one knew tho ... I smiled all day and cried all night.. Even on the blog I fought no one of the ones who hated me. I just blocked them but even that was an insult to them?

Again, you said no one should defend me. Yet, you were ready to fight whoever touched anyone around you. What about changing your URL to beautifulassirony

Also THE hypocrisy. If you are sorry then why are you answering an ask of someone isulting someone you want to apologize to? Just make a post wher you apologize or ignore it from the start?

One more thing but surely not the last. You said you were good with research which you are NOT. So, let me show you what an OG detective ARMY can do. But first, as I was scrolling I saw some of your “work” (let’s not even talk about those gifs) and I am just giving my point of view here: I hate how you painted Namjoon as this horny-idiotic-make-dog. Like I get it it’s a fanfic or Namjoon as a dad but ... Namjoon is such a smart man who is very respectful and ofc he is a human with needs like many but what the hell is this way of portraying a character? Also a character is not cool, amazing, and a strong woman just because they curse and belittle their partner.

Oh well, only you kept reblogging that as it show 36 reblogs when only 33 as still there when I looked and out of those 13 reblogs are yours? (you might have reblogged it more) but again some people might have liked ... people have different taste ... so ... whatever.

Let’s continue, shall we ^^. You said you were the victim here when I was the one getting robbed right? How can I believe someone who reblogged the post below and was proud calling themselves an abomination or how the Oxford dictionary defines it: a thing that causes disgust or loathing. For once you weren’t wrong.

What can you expect from someone who has the “I am not like others” kinda mentality while stating relatable things that everyone goes through?

This is getting pretty long. So to sum this up. You are now telling others that hate is NOt ok and that they should be ashamed of themselves when you yourself is not ashamed of hating on me?

I am not the type that sends anon hate. I might ignore some barking but the past days you came and bite me hard. I face the ones I have to face without fear. I know I am not the bad guy here and I don’t care much what you think about me. Even BTS got haters. This says a lot. BUT do NOT dare talk badely of my dear friends/followers. You said you do research well? Start by deleting the post below that was originally by ME from your blog ... oh how meticulous you are. From your baseless receipts to your twisted logic. Indeed people on the internet can say anything and it will be FACTS. You painted me as the devil and painted yourself as this researcher? What’s next you receiving a Phd in ‘pity me’ after your MBA in lies and irony? Whatever~

Whaaatever~ Karma will have upcoming talks with you. No need for you to apologize. I never cared about you and you only got attention using me. But I am not here anymore how will you get that blog running now? Are you gonna add me in a fanfic next? No need for you to send me my appearance fee when you do so~ And no need for you to apologize to me just apologize to you conscience if you have any left. As for me @hobisbeautifulass you are just someone I will forget soon anyway~~

And because according to what you said HERE when you described the things you hate about people and I thought that was VERY close to how you treated me. Thus, you might really not stand yourself rn.

Do.Not.Worry. BTS are starting the Love Myself campaign again and just in time for you to jump in (you are good at jumping to conclusions about me so I won’t worry about you). I know you don’t like me or my friends but be sure to love yourself at least ^^

You are a Hobi stan? Then learn from Hobi to share some sunshine not bring the storm. Have a good day~

#Anonymous #hobisbeautifulass #don't mind the typos as I wrote this in one go #just because I am someone who do not punch back when someone hit me do not mean I will stand nicely when you touch my people #anyway~ bye~#mimibtsghost

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maglors-anion-gap · 3 years ago

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Fic Writing Asks

Thanks to @samarqqand for the tag! Sorry for the late-ish reply!

how many works do you have on AO3?

I have 8 fics on AO3, with one WIP that I have been neglecting for Ages (so sorry to the anon who requested it, and to user findrahil for helping me beta in, like, march...), and three Tolkien Reverse Summer Bang fics coming very soon!

what’s your total AO3 word count?

Currently 36,972

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Mostly Tolkien. One sad MCU fic (it's not finished, please ignore it, I started it in a brighter era where I wasn't exhausted by the MCU movie industrial complex)

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

"Why Breaks Thou the Wand" - Gimli/Legolas (qpl) Tam Lin!AU

The MCU fic that I will not be linking to

"Your Mouth is Poison (Your Mouth is Wine)" - Celebrimbor/Sauron, the events leading up to the sacking of Eregion, also known as "how to bottom in the most manipulative and vindictive manner possible"

"There are Roses That Come Without Seeking" - Curufin/Finrod, midwinter masquerade celebration turned hook-up

"Turning Shadows Into Shapes" - Feanor&Fingolfin, brotherly loveloathing and the aftermath of Finwe's death

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Every single one. I don't get a Ton of comments so it's pretty easy for me to do and I talk non-stop so.... it's a natural instinct. I love to see what people have to say abut my work, and I love to let them know I appreciate their commentary

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Angstiest ending is hands down "Where the Spirit Meets the Bones" because it ends with Maedhros yeeting himself toward his doom... In general a very angsty fic because it's all about failed obligations, self hatred, and being a flawed person.

do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I've never written a crossover, I haven't really found universes that I desperately wanted to smash together. The closest I'll ever get is AU works.

have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes but not on anything posted on my AO3. The commenter left me something mildly obnoxious, but when I checked out their profile they were a huge bigot. Bidoof's law for general assholery.

do you write smut? if so what kind?

Yes. More often than not. Excuse #1: the pandemic is keeping me from being my slutty self and I am projecting. Excuse #2: self-introspection. It's no coincidence that my smut fic is most often either something I find kinky, or an exploration of my identity or something I want to communicate in my life. "Halos Made of Summer, Ribbons Made of Spring" was me exploring my attraction to women (when I still thought I was a woman). A lot of my other stuff was me coming to terms with being transmasc (though I haven't included trans themes in my fics yet - that's gonna change tho).

have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope! I don't think my stuff gets enough traction for that (rare-pair hell, my beloved). I also don't think I'd notice if themes were lifted from my work. I treat fandom like a soup pot. It would be rude to take the stock wholesale and say it was your own. That said, it's likely that at some point two or more of us are going to come up with similar flavor pairings. If you're inspired by my work, it's good grace to say so. But swapping ideas is pretty par for the course.

have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope! But you guys are always welcome to do so! I've been meaning to translate my stuff into Spanish, it's good practice for me and I know that fandom can be pretty English heavy.

have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! I would like to at some point, I think the closest I've gotten is like, trsb exchanges.

what’s your all time favorite ship?

Probably Fingon/Maedhros because of my penchant for self-flagellation and bad decision making. It's an old standby pairing for me, and I like its Romance, in the classical sense. Celebrimbor/Sauron is a close second because I like working through how I feel about deception and betrayal and really unhealthy love.

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Um... I don't want to say the WIP that's currently languishing in my drafts. I have Got to finish it because I went out of my way to get people's opinions on it. Um, probably this thing I started for Gimli/Legolas, I don't think it was imaginative enough, I have a hard time being imaginative and it feels derivative. I need to significantly re-tool it.

what are your writing strengths?

Setting up a central theme, and characterization. I like implicit meanings.

what are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue is hard, pacing is hard (it's really hard for me to read, so I always want to pare my stuff down when I should expand on it). Executive function is non-existent so the writing process itself is just. odious (/humorous).

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Ah, like adverbs and epithets, it serves a purpose (to indicate something specific). I think about a) can readers understand this b) is this respectful and does it fit the situation or characterization c) does it add something special d) do I have a good enough grasp of this language. For MCU fic I won't be linking I taught myself some very basic russian to include some russian dialogue because I wanted english readers to be temporarily out of the loop like one of the characters (like, in dramatic irony the readers know something the characters don't - I wanted a situation where the readers didn't know either). Don't go looking for that fic, my russian is embarrassing to me and others.

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

The lord of the flies :( I was 13

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Probably "Halos Made of Summer, Ribbons Made of Spring" for managing to write something long and detailed :)

I’m tagging @galadhremmin @arofili @undercat-overdog @findrahil @dialux (some of you may have already done this, sorry) - this is the moment where I forget every single one of my followers and mutuals... I'm so sorry, if you're reading this please consider yourself tagged and back-tag me with your replies

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starkerintheparker · 5 years ago

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starker reclist - canon based fics

Hi Starker fam! To celebrate my 900 followers I decided to finally start posting my humble and very personal reclist. I’ve been planning to do it for a while now but it got way bigger than I anticipated so I decided to split it in 4 parts and will share the first one today. I’ve been around for less than a year and there’s a lot I haven’t read yet so my plan is to update this list as I go.

Under the cut is part I, solely is dedicated to canon-based fics. I’m a sucker for angst so most of my recs feature guilty!Tony, miscommunication, porn with feels and all that jazz. Hopefully you’ll be able to find something interesting according to your preferences. Oh and don’t forget to leave kudos, comments and spread the love for these authors :) Cheers!

Last updated: 2020/04/18. All new fics added will be marked with ***

• 10 Ways to Woo Your Boo by @darker-soft-starker (NR, 6k, completed)

Summary: By twenty-one Peter Parker had graduated college, scored himself a post-grad job and was a full-fledged member of the Avengers. He had his own apartment, paid his own bills and juggled his time between being a superhero and working enough to cover his rent. So long as Peter was armed with his ID, he was a full-fledged adult in the eyes of the law. Perhaps foolishly, he’d assumed it would make him an adult in the eyes of everybody else too. Keen to be seen as worthy of Tony's heart, Peter enlists the help of his friends and the internet in courting his former mentor.

Review: We all love Ash’s fantastic AUs but this lovely canon-based fic may be one of my favorite works by her. I will never know how she manages the fine balance between angst, humor and romance, I just know it hits me good and takes my breath away. Oblivious!Tony and Peter being a bisexual disaster at wooing, what do you mean this wasn’t in the movies? Sounds canon to me.

• 100-Point Restoration by Destina (T, 8k, completed)

Summary: Tony needs a happiness upgrade; Peter wants Tony. These goals might be compatible. (This story is set roughly five years post-Homecoming).

Review: I just realized this was the first Starker fic I’ve read, and it was back in 2017! I didn’t ship Starker at the time but this author must have done something right because for some reason I couldn’t take my eyes away. This fic is gorgeous. Tony’s voice is amazing, his dynamics with Peter are spot-on and organic - but nothing’s better than watching their feelings unfold, like a soft and warm humming just awaiting for disclosure.

• adult supervision by doveslayer (M, 20k, on hiatus)

Summary: Peter Parker should not keep drunk-dialing Tony Stark after midnight. But more pressingly, Tony Stark should not keep answering. In which Tony tries to convince himself he's doing nothing wrong. warning: underage!Peter tho pretty vanilla imo

Review: My favorite “everything is happening while nothing is happening” fic. Their voices are spot on, the dialogues are clever, and you can almost touch the tension with your fingertips. It’s been a year since the last update but even if this fic never gets finished I promise the read will have been worthy!

• Attached by @paspleurer (E, 7k, completed)

Summary: Tony gets it, he really does. As far as rebounds go, sleeping with your childhood hero isn't half bad. And if what Peter wants is this— just sex, with no strings attached— then Tony will give him this.

Review: Pleurer and Learned Foot have seduced me with the rebound trope. This is a lovely Tony POV with the good old pining + miscommunication combo, plus enthusiastic sex and sweet domesticity. What else could I ask for?

• Covet by RTC anonymous (E, 34k, completed)

Summary: Peter has a new boyfriend. Tony starts drinking again, for unrelated reasons.

Review: I read this fic when I was still warily lurking around the Starker fandom and it blew me away. The sexual tension is so palpable you can almost taste it. There is jealous, guity Tony failing at mentoring and a vulnerable, smitten Peter Parker trying to make sense out of it. RTC anon is a religion.

• Ephemeron by @ramblings-from-elsinore (E)

Summary: "Being around Ned, Peter's reminded how out of place he is. For Ned, the second ever appearance of aliens over Manhattan is the stuff of excited hallway chatter, of where were you when—? Ned’s world wasn’t blown apart and stitched back together. Because Ned doesn’t remember. No one does, except the ones who were there, who fought." AKA, "Tony's relationship with Peter may be unconventional, but they’re unconventional people who have had some pretty fucking unconventional experiences." In which Tony can't stop touching Peter to make sure he's real, and Peter dreams of being in Tony's arms and not disappearing.

Review: I started reading this fic before I joined the fandom and man, what a way to get pulled into this ship. Brace yourself for hardcore guilty!Tony being all over the place plus unhealthy codependency and touch deprivation, all the good things. Reading this is a spiritual experience but fair warning: this is not a happy story, at least not for a long while, so please mind the tags.

• Expiration Date by @learned-foot (E, 12k, completed)

Summary: Tony knows exactly what this is. First big breakup, go for a fling with a completely inappropriate person. It’s basically a cliché. He kind of thought Peter was better than that, but apparently being brilliant and one of the bravest people on the face of the planet doesn’t mean he’s immune from being a stupid college student who makes stupid college student mistakes. AKA Tony is sure this is just a fling, and he deals with that about as well as you’d expect.

Review: Ahh my beloved rebound trope and my first rec (out of many) by LF! Between a pining, insecure Tony making all the wrong decisions and a young and confident Peter unwilling to let him go, this fic makes your heart ache in the best ways. Good thing LF only works with happy endings!

• From Thy Bounty by @ibby-writes and feyrelay (E, 31k, completed)

Summary: Tony’s eyes are always dark, but now there's almost no iris left. He looks hollowed out. There’s something terribly hungry there, despite the feast they've filled themselves on.

Review: I’ve lost count of how many times I reread this insanely hot and ridiculously well written fic. Besides the A+++ characterization, there is delicious food porn foreplay followed by a breathtaking cat and mouse game that culminates with no less than 13.5k of intense and unapologetic sex with feels, my favorite kind. Enjoy the meal! ;D

***Gift of Choice by tuesday (E, 12k, completed)

Summary: Tony Stark had a thing about giving Peter stuff.

Review: This is my favorite fic by tuesday and the PERFECT rendition of our beloved sugar daddy trope. Great pacing, amazing dialogues and a breathtaking build up that makes you both smile and sweat in anticipation. They’re so in love I almost can’t handle when they finally get together. Sexy, hot and very sweet.

• here is my hand, my heart by belatrix (E, 16k, completed)

Summary: Mostly, Tony had tried not to look. He still does. Try, that is. It’s just― it’s getting a little bit harder every day.

Review: I have a HUGE soft spot for this beautiful masterpiece, because it was the fic that finally made me join the Starker fandom. I’ve reread it so many times and it never fails to amaze me. Through an atmospheric non-linear narrative, this shows a guilt-ridden Tony Stark trying and failing to resist one determined Peter Parker who won’t take bullshit for an answer. Hot, and angsty, and breathtaking.

• I know that you got Daddy Issues (And I do too) by feyrelay (E)

Summary: The one where Peter’s blue balls save the world. Because, yeah? That meandering, blooming thing between him and Mr. Stark? That relationship that continues to be maddeningly legal, platonic, and above-board, but still somehow haunts Peter’s wildest wet-dreams? That might just be the key to Strange’s endgame.

Review: This fic is a love letter to those who appreciate an angsty and nuanced slow burn like me. Possibly the best character study I’ve ever read combined with a clever, well researched and intricated plot. Reading this will make you fall even more in love with Tony and Peter as individuals, before wanting them to be better together. Make sure to also check all related fics under the tag DIEU (Daddy Issues Extended Universe) - the Starker verse we fucking deserve.

• if I am the river, you are the ocean by sadonsundays (E, 7k, completed)

Summary: The one where Tony can't sleep and Peter can't stop his hands from shaking.

Review: This is a gorgeous recovery fic, painful and heartbreaking, yes, but still very gentle as Tony and Peter’s relationship quietly unfolds. Pepper is an absolute treat which was refreshing to me. I just love the quiet and angsty undertone that guides their journey until they finally find home in each other.

if you’d grant my love a pardon by belatrix (M, 2.5k, completed)

Summary: The first time, it goes something like this: “No,” Tony says, but it’s tired, half-hearted, not quite a denial.

Review: One of the reasons why I love this ship is that there’s always room for angst, even when they’re already together. This lovely yet heartbreaking fic mirrors Tony’s fragile heart as he realizes that as much as he should, he just can’t let go of Peter, not quite yet. Belatrix writes guilty!Tony’s headspace like nobody else and I just can’t recommend her writing enough.

• in the light of a dying star by @areiton (M, 6k, completed) fix-it

Summary: Extremis isn't a guarantee. That's what Pepper told him, as they took him off the bloody, dusty field. It was just a chance. A desperate gamble.

Review: I’m so glad I read this right after Endgame because this is the fix-it Tony and we all deserved, this fic is so comforting and beautiful. I really love the quiet, ethereal atmosphere and how it shapes our perception of time and character development. Peter is beautifully written and their get together made my heart ache in peace.

• In the Morning by @cagestark (M, 6k, completed)

Summary: Peter's pretty stressed. He isn't understanding physics despite all the extra time he is spending with Bruce. And underneath it all, something is wrong with Mr. Stark.

Review: Heart wrenching and painfully honest fic, where Tony is a jealous mess and Peter is his usual earnest, sweet and good self. They meet in the middle, and it’s quiet, beautiful and sad.

• Kiss Me by @ironspi

Summary: Five times Peter and Tony almost kiss and one time they did.

Review: This fic was such a lovely surprise! It begins unpretentious and it builds up to quality pining and unresolved sexual tension. Chapter 4 is particularly awesome, so charged and intimate. Kudos to the author for exploring Peter taking the lead and making Tony melt in his arms.

• Landslide by spqr (M, 8k, completed) fix-it

Summary: Peter jumps into the quantum realm with his heart in his throat. He steps out in 2018, on the edge of a lake he still has nightmares about. A hundred yards away over the water, the lights in the lakehouse are on.

Review: Morally ambiguous characters + angsty time travel? Count me in. This fic has a very interesting (and darker) take on Peter post-Thanos, in his raw and desperate grief over Tony. Bonus points for amazing dialogues and a fix-it plot so clever and believable I’m surprised I didn’t see it on screen.

• lean on me now by @areiton (G, 9k, on hiatus)

Summary: He’s so tired, and he hurts, the kind of screaming pain he’s struggling to ignore now, and he wants to go home. But he can do this. He can sit and watch, and keep them safe. A wry smile tugs at his lips because he knows how ridiculous that sounds--a kid keeping Avengers safe.

Review: One of the best canon divergence fics I’ve ever read. It’s quiet, angsty and Peter’s voice is simply amazing. My heart breaks for Tony, but I’m so here for Peter & Rhodey’s brOTP, the fandom deserves more of it.

• noticing by @areiton (NR, 2k, completed)

Summary: “You deserve to be happy,” Rhodey tells Tony once, when Tony is drinking and conflicted and Peter is sleeping unaware on the couch. Tony watches him, eyes bright.

Review: How could I ever resist seeing Tony and Peter’s relationship development through Rhodey’s protective and thoughtful gaze? Any Tony stan should read this fic because this is the kind of love, friendship and support he deserves. Reading this put my mind at rest, knowing Tony’s cared for, and safe.

• Obvious by @learned-foot (M, 14k, completed)

Summary: When Peter wakes up, several things become very clear all at once: he’s underground somewhere unpleasant, something is messing with his powers, and his entire body hurts. A lot.

Review: WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP *victory dance* god this one is brutal, but we can trust LF to bring on full angst with an intriguing plot and A+++ characterization. I’m so here for protective!Tony doing whatever it takes to keep Peter safe, including all the confusion and heartbreak his problematic decisions may bring.

• Permission by @cagestark (E, 16k, completed)

Summary: During drinks with the Avengers, Peter admits that he enjoys orgasms more when someone is giving him permission, though since he's single, there isn't anyone in his life to offer it. Generous Tony offers to offer it.

Review: This fic is unique and so very hot, but don’t let the smutty summary fool you. There is also tenderness and FEELS in capital letters. Despite their arrangement, pining!Tony is so vulnerable and so completely in love with Peter it kinda breaks my heart a little, but thankfully Cage is a big fan of happy endings like me, so we’re all safe in her hands.

***Post-Endgame NYE by @darker-soft-starker (M, completed)

Summary: Five years after the events of endgame Tony is resurrected. Months after that, he's still trying to find equilibrium

Review: Hands down the loveliest ‘flirting on a bench’ I’ve ever seen, and my top favorite NYE Starker fic. I love to see Tony facing an existential crisis while he navigates his new life post-resurrection, including the violent realization of ‘oh no, Peter’s an attractive adult now’. Gentle and gorgeous get together, kudos at Morgan for being a little devil and playing matchmaking.

• Proxy by @cagestark (E, 11k, completed)

Summary: Peter wants to know if Mr. Stark knows, like, anybody who’d be willing to make out with him. Things escalate from there.

Review: I have such a big soft spot for this fic because “by proxy” is one of my favorite tropes and Cage explored it masterfully. Again, this is pining!Tony at his best and Cage just has this ability to transform what once started as a sexy little thing into this soft and gentle love story, the kind that gives you butterflies in the stomach.

• Radar by @intoxicatelou (M)

Summary: Peter could say that he’s officially approached desperation, but he wants this, wants Tony, and he’s willing to do everything it takes. Or the one in which Peter tries to become Tony's celebrity crush from 2009 in order to seduce him.

Review: This is one of my favorites self-indulgent fics, I just can’t resist the good old “Peter’s seduction handbook” trope and intoxicatelou delivers it beautifully. This story is sweet, super fun and relatable af. There’s A+ pining, Peter being a bisexual disaster and MJ being the queen we all stan, shocking absolutely no one.

• Revelations by RTC anonymous (E, 127k, completed)

Summary: “I still don’t get it,” Ned says. “How you just... keep being ordinary in spite of all the craziness you’ve lived through. You were in space. You helped Iron Man save the universe. And nobody knows it was you.” His tone softens, becomes almost sad. As though he realizes that what he’s saying is so completely alien to him that he will never be able to understand this part of Peter’s life. “Peter, don’t you want people to know you for who you are?” An AU where they get the Gauntlet off of Thanos that first time, on Titan.

Review: I feel like I don’t need to justify this choice – almost everyone in the fandom has either heard of or read this masterpiece, it’s safe to say this fic is part of the Starker Training Wheels Protocol lol. If you have just arrived or is just exploring the fandom and enjoys slow burns I suggest you start right hee because it doesn’t get any better than this. There’s A+++ characterization, breathtaking pining, insane sexual tension and a very satisfying ending if I may say so. Definitely among my top 3 Starker fics. RTC anon, wherever you are, please know you are loved and appreciated. I’ll literally build an altar for you.

• Reversal by @learned-foot (E, 4k, completed)

Summary: Sometimes, Tony is the one who needs to be praised.

Review: For once Peter makes Tony just lie down and take 😊 the fucking 😊 praise 😊. I feel like I’ve been waiting for this fic all my life. This is the praise kink Tony (and we all) deserve, genuine, gentle and powerful. If you’re a big sap for their love like I am, you’re in for an emotional ride because this is overwhelmingly sweet to the point it brings tears to your eyes. LF is such a gift to this fandom.

• Settling by @cagestark (E, 5k, completed)

Summary: Peter really wants to be taller than Tony. Heels help.

Review: One of my favorites by Cage, I still remember how happy and giggly I felt when I first read it. There is A+++ characterization, amazing dialogue, Avengers domesticity, praise kink, the hottest blow job and my favorite Starker first kiss. Oh, did I mention Peter in heels and Tony loving every moment of it? You’re welcome :D

• Stipulations by RTC anonymous (E, 70k, completed)

Summary: Peter Parker’s long term dream recently went from ‘get into MIT’ to ‘afford going to MIT’. As the time approaches, it’s dawning on him that he won’t be able to pay his tuition and afford the move to Cambridge all at once: he’s out of money, his secrets are beginning to pile up, and desperation has started creeping in... And then one night, he saves Tony Stark’s life.

Review: Another fandom classic by our irreplaceable RTC anon, this fic is SO GOOD I keep coming back to it and just recently I realized I’ve built all my personal Starker headcanons out of it, lol. A+++ characterization and hot, delicious pining is a given with this author, but I’m really here for that senses-dialed-to-11 trope, and RTC delivers it masterfully.

• subtle by @areiton (T, 1k, completed)

Summary: Peter is not subtle. He wears his emotion, his excitement, like a flag waved bright red and teasing for a bull—impossible to go unnoticed, impossible to ignore. It’s adorable and it’s Peter, and it’s—in hindsight—why Tony misses the context clues.

Review: This fic is like reading poetry, a balm to the heart. Peter wears Tony’s colors and by the time Tony finally gets the context clues they fall together in the gentlest, softest way.

• Take it slow by tuesday (E, 13k, completed)

Summary: There were a ton of reasons dating Peter was a bad idea. Tony loved bad ideas. He was going to do it anyway. In which Tony thinks they're dating, and then they're dating undercover.

Review: This fic is so endearing it’s basically impossible not to cheer for these two, despite their usual infuriating communication issues, lol. But I promise all the angst and wait are worth it, because there’s nothing more satisfying than seeing how they (finally!) get to be on the same page.

• the record spins on the trails we blaze by @darker-soft-starker (NR, 5k, completed)

Summary: Years after the events of Homecoming, Peter thought all of the bad memories were well and truly behind him. After all, so much has happened since then - and he's happy now. Everything is kinda perfect.Turns out nothing stays buried.

Review: Hell yes! I agree HoCo’s events were particularly traumatizing and this trope is not as explored as it should be. To put it simply, this fic is something I didn’t know that I needed and Ash delivered it beautifully. It’s incredibly gentle, cathartic and honest, not to mention the lovely domesticity and understanding between the characters that will make your heart swell.

• Under Someone Else by @learned-foot (M, 7k, completed)

Summary: Peter realizes he’s just a rebound. And he’s okay with that, really. Or at least, that’s what he keeps telling himself.

Review: FEELS, FEELS EVERYWHERE. It’s so hard to choose a favorite fic by LF but this is the first that comes to mind because it introduced me to the amazing rebound trope. It’s so refreshing to see this ship’s potential for angst and miscommunication playing into the “fuck first, talk later” scenario. Warning for vulnerable boys being idiots and breaking our hearts but P.P.P.S they do eventually get their shit together and it’s glorious!

• Up for Anything by tuesday (E, 8k, completed)

Summary: When it came to Tony Stark, Peter would take what he could get. In which Peter believes he's just a rebound. (Not Endgame compliant.)

Review: Of course there’s yet another gorgeous rebound rec because I can’t get enough of this trope. Honestly, LF and Tuesday writing for each other have provided some of the best fics this fandom has, God bless them. This is another treat featuring pining!Peter and the usual “I can’t communicate properly how much I fucking love you”, but there’s also bantering, delicious dirty talk and so much affection that you’ll read it all with the biggest smile on your face.

#starker #reclist #peter parker x tony stark

336 notes · View notes

breadclubrising · 4 years ago

Note

Your thoughts on Ibushi feeling mentally weak because of his loss? I feel like he hurts(? If that makes sense like he is not being enough for his idol and that affects his performance in some kind of way, also DT proposing a new partner downplaying Tanahashi's effort and them being pushy in "beg us for the titles! Muahahaha" gives out they want it more than GA since they already decided not to go for a rematch until they win one. In the end just want to hear your thoughts Ibushi's storyline

Ha, Anon. You know not what you ask. I have been working on an essay about this for a while now (aren’t you shocked!), so I’ll excerpt some of it here. And now this is becoming an essay in its own right.

(I made a post about this and...)

---

Aw thanks, Anon. I will try to address all of this. It is very long, and I’m sorry.

---

I’ll start by saying this: Golden Ace made me stop watching wrestling for a while. It hurt that much. Just to put out there how many feelings I have about this.

First things first:

I do not know that I can convey with human language how much I love Hiroshi Tanahashi. My favorite readings of his character give him a tragic edge; to me the shining superstar is not nearly as interesting without his dark side: his need to control, his unwillingness to admit that he is slowing down, his single-minded view of what is Good and Right. His career arc—where he began as an iconoclast who in-kayfabe single-handedly saved NJPW from ruin and saved its wrestlers from the brutality of Inokiism, and has morphed into a well-meaning but narrow-minded patriarch who Knows Best, in part because of his being so beloved for what he achieved, gracelessly pretending he is not getting slower—is heartbreaking and beautiful. He beat the man only to become the man. He sacrificed so much and tries to impose his way on others as a way of justifying his sacrifices. I have... just so much written about Tana’s career arc. It’s one of my favorites ever.

And honestly, I love the story of Ibushi and Tanahashi as a story. It’s heartbreaking and beautifully performed. On an out-of-kayfabe level, I adore both of them and their ability to share of themselves so deeply while still making a story for public consumption.

But in kayfabe, as an Ibustan? Tana and I are gonna have a problem.

(so, so much more below this cut. you have been warned.)

My slacker genius hero

idk if you’ve noticed this, but Ibushi is consistently depicted as kind of weird. And I confess I’m projecting a bit here, but part of being Weird On Main is that you do it because you cannot be not-weird no matter how hard you try. Maybe sometimes you can contain it, but your default state is weird and whatever it is that normal people do, you do not understand it nor are you capable of doing it.

His entire career has been guided by his heart first and ambition second. That’s how he is, he follows his heart. The dearth of fucks he gives about what he should be doing is truly awe-inspiring. And that was probably for his own survival: when you are that fucking talented, what you should be doing is a weight you carry with you at all times. People constantly wondered why he didn’t try to ‘do better’ than DDT. As soon as he got to NJPW, people wondered why he wasn’t bulking up to move up to heavyweight. As soon as he was able to gain enough weight, he was in the G1 (where he promptly got a concussion).

He has always seemed to struggle with the weight of Living Up To His Potential, knowing that talent like his obligated him to answer for it, but also knowing that he doesn’t feel invested in things unless he’s enjoying himself. Career achievements were never much of a motivator for him—he wanted them, of course, but always ran into the wall of having to sacrifice his own happiness or mental health to get them. But like... normal people do that all the time, right? Sacrifice and hate their lives in order to reach some long-wanted goal? And like many Weirds, Kota seemed to spend a long time stuck in the tortuous I SHOULD be able to do this, normal people can do this brainspace.

The best example of this is something that Tanahashi would have admired: at one time, Kota was the first wrestler in a major promotion to have two home promotions. Like literally two full-time jobs as a wrestler; on the full-time roster at both DDT and at NJPW. What kind of wrestler is worth that physical risk and scheduling nightmare? What kind of wrestler is worth sharing as a commodity with one of your competitor promotions? Kota Fucking Ibushi is.

This burned him out quickly—he says, far more emotionally than physically—and he left wrestling altogether for a while, with the official excuse of finally getting surgery on a herniated disc in his neck. He wrestled at WWE for a bit before, shockingly, finding it too constrictive.

Finally, he decided to become a freelancer, which is A Choice when you are one of the most naturally talented people a sport has ever seen. It means you won’t be winning major titles and you won’t get a ton of investment from any one promotion, but it also means you get to control what you do, when you do it, and how much of it you do. Ibushi rejected any career path that would lead to traditionally-defined success, and he did so intentionally, in service of his mental health and ability to love his job.

Because like. He tried to do what a normal person with his level of talent would do, and he couldn’t stand it. It made him hate wrestling and his life. He pushed himself hard and he failed. Not meaning that he did not succeed in terms of his career—he was doing great when he left NJPW, and WWE offered him contract stipulations and money that were unheard of—but meaning his body and mind began failing him. Finally, he’d been forced to accept that the world’s expectations simply did not work for him. And then he had decided to be unashamed of that, and built himself a way of being that fit him, in a culture where obedience is a sign of maturity and poise (you can see it in the word: 大人しい; “quiet, docile, obedient”; literally “like an adult”).

The Ace and the Golden Star

Tanahashi and Ibushi may sort of be coming to a place of understanding now, but they haven’t historically seen each other as equals. Ibushi calls Tana a god, and Tana has always admired Ibushi’s talent, but been disappointed by his work ethic. (Hiroshi “Very Extremely Healthy And Non-Fucked-Up Relationship With Work Ethic” Tanahashi and Kota “Reacts Well To Being Told Not To Do Things” Ibushi.)

When Ibushi came back to NJPW for the G1 in 2017, he was coming back to it on his own terms, as a freelancer. He debuted his finisher Kamigoye (which, in case anyone has never read my blog before, means “go beyond god”) to beat Tanahashi during that same G1.

Ibushi lost his subsequent challenge for Tanahashi’s IWGP Intercontinental Championship, and at the end of the match, he tearfully embraced victorious Tanahashi, who patted his very worthy rival on the head. Ibushi felt humbled, like he hadn’t lived up to his potential. By losing, he felt he’d disappointed Tana.

And maybe Tana didn’t disagree. Tana spent the 2018 G1 (and the theme continued through the latter half of 2018) saying in his backstage comments that Kota Ibushi wasn’t living up to his potential. That he needed to work harder and put his nose to the grindstone to become Great.

Tanahashi genuinely admires Ibushi and is amazed by his talent, so he truly saw it all as coming from a place of love. He’s a big fan! He just wanted to see Ibushi do his best, and Tana has a really strong opinion about what “doing your best” means. In Tana’s mind, Ibushi (who one thousand percent Did Not Ask) needed to get serious and win some titles, needed to commit and work harder, devote more of his time and energy to wrestling, and generally follow exactly the path Tana himself had in order to succeed. And Tana didn’t mind saying so without invitation, and to the press.

Oh, and don’t forget that coincidentally Ibushi was on a tag team with Kenny Omega, whom Tana disliked for reasons he juuuust couldn’t put his finger on. (Later it came out: Kenny’s an immigrant! Ha ha! Great and good! I could do a whole other essay about this storyline. It was REALLY good and they had to abandon it completely.) Ibushi needed to get serious about his life and stop wasting time with that loser (IWGP Heavyweight Champion) Kenny Omega. Kenneth was dragging Ibushi down, said Tana, which—regardless of whether you agree with Tana or not—is uh... probably not an opinion you should just volunteer out loud to the press about someone you purportedly care about.

Tana was offering ‘helpful’ suggestions without realizing that not only was Ibushi happier than he’d ever been, he was happy because he had already tried the things Tana was helpfully suggesting, and had deliberately decided to do the opposite of that, so that he could be happy.

When your entire thing is in my career I do things on my terms, this is who I am and I’m not sorry, and someone is telling you you’re doing your career wrong, it’s gonna sting extra. Because you’re a fucking weirdo, and if you could do things the expected conventional way, you would in a heartbeat. So the thing that you are “doing wrong” is a thing you have fought tooth and nail to do in a way that works for you. If it meant being shamed for it, it didn’t matter, because there was no other way you could have done it.

So, Tana didn’t know it, I don’t think, but his ‘the way you’re managing your career is wrong’, tragically, really meant ‘the way you are is wrong’, when applied to Ibushi.

(And? When you’re doing it wrong and part of what you’re doing right now is being extremely fucking gay? That “get serious about your life” plays into a whole mess of extremely unfortunate tropes about gays. I have no idea if these tropes exist in Japan as well, but western gays are deeply familiar with them. Of course I don’t at all believe Tana meant it that way, but unfortunately, as A Gay, it’s too familiar for me not to hear it there. Feels bad man.)

YOU’RE NOT MY DAD

After all that well-meaning (?) shit talking, Ibushi and Tanahashi faced each other in the 2018 G1 finals. Ibushi lost. Was Tana right about all that untapped potential? Was Ibushi once again humbled because god beat his ass?

Last time Tana beat Ibushi, they hugged, Tanahashi magnanimously recognizing the great effort on Ibushi’s part. This time, he held out his hand for a handshake. They’ve come so far as rivals. Right?

Ibushi looked at it, then held up both hands in front of him, shaking his head and backing away. He said backstage that Kenny would have hit Tanahashi, and Tanahashi clearly wanted a handshake as equals. But, he said, he is not Kenny, nor is he Tanahashi. He does things on his terms.

He didn’t care if it looked disrespectful: Tanahashi’s handshake was a patronizing offer of forgiveness for Ibushi’s failure to live up to Tana’s ideal. Ibushi’s rejection was not disrespect, but demanding respect from someone who had explicitly told him he did not deserve it from them unless he became a different human being than the one he’s fought to be.

Ibushi left with his head high, so defiant in his weirdness that even if God Himself says you need to change who you are to be worthy of my approval and acceptance Ibushi says, actually the way I am is great, thanks, and I will love myself whether you approve or not.

I can’t say how much he means to me, because of that. Him rejecting fucking god telling him to be someone else—someone who did not love himself—was more than I could have ever dreamed I’d get out of wrestling. A man who had found, as I had in my life, that no amount of wanting to be able to do things the way that normal people do them would grant that ability, had then decided to find a way that would work for him, and do that. And so had I, and around the same time (Kota and I are also p much the same age). And then, when defeated, instead of allowing someone to say ‘this is because you did not conform,’ he said ‘I cannot be truly defeated because tomorrow, I will still do things the way that makes me happy and fulfilled.’ I could write so much more but I’ll stop here: it meant everything to me.

I mean... dad?

Fast forward to the 2019 G1. A lot had changed. Ibushi had signed full-time with NJPW, much to Tana’s satisfaction. In the leadup to Wrestle Kingdom that year, Tana had very deliberately and openly used Ibushi as a cudgel against Kenny Omega, saying Omega did not deserve his partner, Ibushi, and did not deserve his home, Japan. He had told Omega, who had dutifully worked his way up the NJPW ranks to become the most beloved gaijin in NJPW’s history, that he should not be the third Musketeer (the big 3 guys in the promotion from each generation; the others of this generation being Naito and Okada). Putting a gaijin in that role is Not Done, and Kenny was already Top Gaijin, which was the highest a gaijin should be allowed to go. Further, Tana believed that Ibushi, a part-time freelancer who was not signed with NJPW, should be the third Musketeer, because he is Japanese and Kenny isn’t.

In kayfabe, Tana had negged Ibushi’s Golden Lover right out of Japan, but NJPW seemed pretty determined to erase the memory of Omega, so Ibushi and Tanahashi were on friendly-ish terms,

“Everything I am begins and ends with Tanahashi,” Ibushi said before the match. Kota won, which almost everyone was expecting, but the real question we all had: how would he treat the Ace once he’d won? Once he embraced him, once he’d pushed him away. Who was Kota Ibushi now, in relation to god? And in relation to the company itself, which Ibushi had recently committed to ‘for the rest of my life’—and which Tanahashi personified? Victorious Ibushi crawled over to Tanahashi and gratefully clasped his hands in fervent appreciation, foreheads together, Tanahashi smiling approvingly, patting his head like ya did good kid. Later backstage, Tana said something like “I sensed a lot of pain in you when we fought, but I can tell you used it to overcome your shortcomings, let go of what was holding you back, and reach your potential.” And at the end of the match, Ibushi had seemed to be in agreement, looking prostrate and humbled, seeking forgiveness for his past sins.

I was saying ‘i-BOO-shi’

Except, like… his “past sins” were: soul-searching and learning what was important to him. Healing physically and emotionally from burnout. Making his way back, on his own terms and no one else’s, to the career he’d had to leave to save himself. Reuniting with a his lost love—not without complication, but undeniably making him happier than he’d been in years, finding the joy in wrestling again, giving himself the emotional energy to invest more and more in his career, but smartly this time, protecting himself. And then telling the Ace of New Japan that he would continue to do things his own way, and no one else’s.

He did all of this against the backdrop of a culture that punishes individualism or makes it a spectacle. He asserted himself nevertheless, because it was either that or a breakdown. And all of those things were what Tanahashi felt he should be apologetic for, what he had wanted Ibushi to excise from his wrestling and his personality in order to Reach His Potential.

And... it worked. Ibushi played by the rules, conformed to expectation, and not only did he win, he was accepted and forgiven for his waywardness. Turns out, Tana was right all along: Ibushi needed to be less himself in order to be truly successful. Not only that, through career success and sacrificing the things that made him happy (because they also made him most himself which, again, was bad), he was finally truly fulfilled.

After an entire career’s worth of refusing for his own sake to do what others expected of him, he finally lived every Weird Person’s wildest fantasy, wherein we sacrifice every strange thing about ourselves that we’ve spent our lives learning to love, in order to Conform, but instead of blowing up in our faces, THIS TIME, FINALLY, it worked, and at long last we found that being Normal truly does bring happiness and success and our parents finally love us. He’s through the looking glass, but he can’t hear us on the Weird side anymore, and doesn’t even remember that there ever were Weirds. And now all the Weirds back home have seen the horrible truth, that changing who you are fundamentally in order to be obedient is… actually the right thing to do, which of course means they were right about us all along. We aren’t good enough just as we are, fundamentally; our parents were justified in withholding unconditional love and everyone else was right to mock us. We throw all our Kurt Vonnegut books into the garbage and we weep.

That was the story.

So at first I kind of half-heartedly tried to convince myself that all of this was that thing where no matter how much sincere emotional work you do, you will never stop secretly craving your parents’ approval; we are practically hard-wired to want it. And then I moved toward seeing the grateful gesture as a sort of forgiveness, a recognition that his pedestal of Tanahashi had finally toppled and shattered. After all, Ibushi is the sort of dude who got all the way down on the ground to bow to both Nagata and Yoshi-Hashi after beating them in G1 matches, and that certainly wasn’t an apology, it was humble gratitude for their work. So maybe this was a true going beyond god—Thank you truly. I don’t need you anymore.

But... it probably wasn’t that, and it was hard to believe my own bullshit. Ibushi is also the sort of dude who, in his first entrance upon his return in 2017, had gotten all the way down on the ground to bow to fans in deep apology for having been gone for two years; ie apologizing for caring for himself. Heh. But uh... maybe this Tana thing was just a heat-of-the-moment thing, like a quasi-kayfabe act of true honesty?

LOLNO! Time for Golden Ace to immediately win the IWGP Heavyweight Tag Championships, thus not only cementing Ibushi’s return to the Well-Behaved fold and certifying Tanahashi as The Guy Who Was Right About You, but also having all of these things be kayfabe events that happened within the span of a little more than two years:

Ibushi gets an emotional gay reunion with his tag team and life partner

Tanahashi uses Ibushi as a weapon against said partner, who is forced to leave the company, vindicating Tana’s opinions about both Ibushi and Omega (I don’t care how much you hate Omega, that is a shitty thing to do even if we only care about Ibushi’s feelings.)

Ibushi and Tanahashi win the tag team belts that the Golden Lovers never even got to challenge for

COOL AND GOOD. LOVE THAT.

That story really hurt. I couldn’t watch them be a team.

Haha unless? This current story really hurts too, honestly. But maybe it’s making the past hurt a little less. MAYBE.

So, Tana has been getting physically stiffer and slower for a while now, and now it’s kinda becoming hard to ignore.

And maybe, hanging out with Tanahashi seemed cool at first but then when Ibushi realized he’d excised every interesting thing about himself in order to conform to what Tana expected of him, it started to wear on him. I’m hoping I can be allowed to have that interpretation.

So Ibushi’s forced to be like ‘hey I need you to step up your game bro,’ which, if Ibushi ever fantasized about turning the rhetorical tables on Tanahashi’s criticism, doesn’t seem to feel nearly as good as he’d hoped it would. It feels bad for both of them.

And Tana seems humbled, because he’s been so embarrassed and stubborn about admitting that maybe, possibly, potentially, he could be slightly perhaps showing signs of failing to be immortal. But maybe he also now sees that his ‘tough love’ criticism of Ibushi didn’t make Ibushi better, ultimately, it just made him care about and value the same stuff Tana does. And oops, now maybe Ibushi has ideas about success that don’t really take into account the limitations Tana has, even if he’s worked very very very hard to try to push through them until he was forced to admit that he needed to find another way. This sounds familiar and I hate it!

Tanahashi is now trying to find his way. And Ibushi, once humbly appreciating Nagata and Yoshi-Hashi after beating them, is now hard-eyed and almost deliberately lacking awareness of others’ need for compassion. Tana got what he wanted—Ibushi in his own image—but now he’d probably be a lot better off with the sparkly-eyed mischief-maker who doesn’t care as much about titles as he cares about loving wrestling.

Of course, Kota very much had his own reasons for doing this too—he felt the pressure to win titles to match his talent at least as much as Tana felt it for him—but it’s still kinda heartbreaking that he became the determined and serious never-getting-too-close-to-anyone company man that Tana envisioned him as, and then it worked. That’s a completely new way of judging his worth as a person, when he’d spent his career before that judging his worth by how happy and fulfilled he was. So when he loses now, he’s even more hard on himself because he’s also letting Tana down, and Tana really believed in him.

But I think he’s also starting to get uncomfortable, because he’s getting dangerously close to re-learning a lesson he has already learned pretty painfully. He’s done all this work and sacrifice only to find that—shockingly— winning and being seen as a Top Guy is still not worth your happiness and mental health.

And it was PRETTY shitty of him to walk away from Tana getting a beatdown! That felt VERY bad. But Tana has been failing to admit that he can’t do the shit he used to do, to his own detriment. IMO that doesn’t justify Ibushi leaving him to deal with shit on his own but also, I kinda don’t blame him if he feels resentful of Tana for asking him to be a different person in order to fit within Tana’s vision of him, all while Tana refuses to admit that he himself does not fit the vision he has for himself, which is ultimately making it harder to do the thing Ibushi now feels more driven to do than ever—partially because of Tana’s influence—which is win. WHEW.

FEELS BAD.

But! Hey! Then Tana did exactly what Ibushi asked and like cut a little fat and got more serious about his hair and tan. And then he got a pin on Dangerous Tekkers and now he deserves a title shot. And he’s like ‘Ibushi in Soviet Russia god stans u’ and Ibushi is like “excellent sir, ready 2 only care about my personal success!” So now they’re friends again? And they’re even, because a person not accepting that they have to conform to others’ expectations, and a person not accepting that they are aging like every human being does, are totally morally equivalent? And all that nuanced storytelling was totally in my head?

Yay?

So where is this going?

Bro idk. I’m so deflated by this storyline it’s hard to think of a scenario that would make me stop being devastated by potentially having THE major reason wrestling means so much to me (Kota Ibushi’s weirdness and perpetual defiance of expectation, for the sake of fiercely and unwaveringly committing to himself and the belief that he deserves to be valued for who he is, his hard-fought path that he carved for himself when he saw that he couldn’t do stuff the way he was Supposed To, succeeding because he is unapologetically honoring that in a world that demands conformity and obedience and punishes deviation; PLUS GAY, which makes everything even more poignant I’M TOTALLY FINE) permanently written out of existence.

If Kota learned that forcing yourself to be normal 1. totally works, 2. brings instant success, and 3. was the right thing to do all along because the way you were was stupid and foolish and the fact that you ever thought you should be accepted, let alone allowed to feel okay about yourself, let alone happy, when you can’t even do the most basic human functions correctly, just goes to highlight how deeply alien and unacceptable you are, fundamentally, as a person LIKE I SAID I’M FINE IT’S FINE, then I should probably stop caring about wrestling and get to figuring how to live a 9-5 existence and how not to care about things to a degree that makes other people laugh at me and not use ten-dollar words and stop making men feel nervous because I’m way smarter than they are, and also i guess have a dog and find a monogamous husband whom will get me pregnant with some kids, and I’ll go to bed at a reasonable hour! Because! If Kota can do it and be successful then goddammit I can too.

I’m fine.

But idk. It’s hard to imagine why they’d do this little rift storyline and have nothing come of it except Golden Ace are better bros than ever before. I don’t even know what I want. Right now it feels like this arc is about Tana’s development, and Kota is kinda a supporting character.

Maybe it felt valuable to in-kayfabe acknowledge the fact that Tana sometimes looks like his knees and hips don’t bend, but ultimately show that the Ace has still got it! And also Kota Ibushi is a selfish asshole who talks down to his elders. I mean, a stern but fair leader? I mean a driven, tough-love champion?

Maybe Tana will fail in the title match despite his cosmetic improvements, because he has still fundamentally failed to earnestly engage with his limitations.

Maybe he really has accepted and learned to work with a new reality and now he’s on fire.

I think the only way to make this feel satisfying would be to turn it into a long-term rivalry of some flavor, where Tana had the Ace Wars with Okada, now he can have a God War with Ibushi. When Tana can no longer be NJPW’s heart and soul, I don’t think anyone can fill those shoes. But he has already in many ways passed on the soul of NJPW to Okada which was cemented with the Ace Wars, so maybe this is how he’ll eventually (hopefully a while from now) pass on the heart of NJPW to Ibushi; make Ibushi earn it the same way Okada had to unequivocally prove he was worthy of Ace, including to Tanahashi himself.

I could see a rivalry where they go their separate ways but are grateful for having learned some things together. They truly both feel like equals now, and they support each other living their best lives. This would be a rivalry where they constantly push each other to be better; Ibushi figuring out a way to be true to himself and still win, and Tanahashi figuring out how to have a glorious, once-in-a-century late career and gaining new vitality as he throws off the weight of pretending he’s still in his prime.

RACHEL ARE WE GETTING A HEEL TURN OR NO

ORRRR I guess one of them could turn heel, because they’re both the shiniest babyfaces and that would rule. While they both know how to heel when needed and take up the mantle gleefully, neither has had a proper heel run really.

In normal times I’d say ‘but I don’t really think it’s likely that either of them will turn heel’, but these are not normal times. I truly don’t know what to think or expect. Bullet Club is missing its heavy hitters and may be for a while (can it be Yujiro’s time to shine at last??), which is why EVIL and Dick Togo are there now. In a way I could see a heel Tanahashi take advantage of that power vacuum and it would be incredibly badd ass.

I could see Tanahashi resenting Ibushi and getting real mean about it, doing that thing where someone provokes Ibushi until they go too far and get rekt. Like going back and using all that ‘i’m your father and i disapprove’ bullshit he did. Ibushi wins the HW title, Tana challenges and loses bc he makes the same old ‘but i’m actually 27 years old still’ miscalculations that have been a problem for Golden Ace. But he gets his groove back and eventually beats Ibushi for the HW title, and gets a later-career run he deserves (i lov u tana).

But... it actually would NOT rule at all to see Ibushi turn heel.

Which is a major shame, because you have no idea how on board I am, in theory, with him donning the black and gold, dyeing his hair back to black, being sadistic all of the time, thinking up tag team moves for him and ZSJ, getting evil smiles of approval from The King, and somehow becoming good at not only talking but saying mean things, which he never ever does even when people are mean to him. In a just world, I could be very down with Suzuki-gun Ibushi.

But we do not live in a just world, we live on Earth in the system Sol in the year 2020 AD. If Ibushi did a heel turn now, it would most likely be in further service of the narrative that his desire for independence and happiness was selfish and bad, his individualism and unapologetic strangeness were embarrassing, and Tana was right to tell him to stop being gay and start destroying his body more. Because a dude that disrespects his elders and role models is Not A Good Dude. Because rebellious people whose biggest act of rebellion is loving themselves when everything around them tells them they shouldn’t are Wrong, Actually.

So as much as in theory I’d love to see him in Suzuki-gun, in practice I would probably never be able to watch wrestling again because it validated the worst fears I have about how I move through the world. If Kota Ibushi is Wrong for being weird then perhaps truly nothing is salvageable for me about this horror show of a planet. (Also, practically speaking, the Bullet Club being down so many folks might mean that the other true heel faction is less likely to get new members.)

Like, in-kayfabe, yeah, this story already feels like a betrayal. But also out of kayfabe, if it turned out that the Lesson was ‘if you conform you will be successful and loved’? And Kota took part in that story? I know it sounds extremely well-adjusted of me to say, but I’d feel a little like he betrayed me; showing me it was okay to be weird so convincingly and then going ‘actually I always hated being weird, I don’t regret giving up everything I thought I loved about myself, in order to be normal. which means not only is it possible to overcome being the off-putting freak you are, but you are failing at doing it every single day.’ Or—perhaps even worse—the story I thought I saw, that made me feel seen (like, actually), was never there to begin with. Which... would mean that the story I saw was actually just what actually happened in real life to a person I admire so much, who has brought me so much joy. I don’t think I could take any of those outcomes and still enjoy wrestling.

That’s totally a normal thing to feel, right?

Epilogue in which ya girl has been exposed to too many harmful chemicals recently

In order to soothe my faltering ability to find joy in wrestling, I shall note a very cracky theory, which is The Middle Path:

Ibushi’s a strange dude, and he plays by his own rules. He does not like factions; he’s in Hontai more or less by default... but NJPW’s resident Island of Misfit Toys faction is down one heavyweight, and was already very small.

Perhaps Ibushi and Tanahashi will agree to disagree about whether you should be weird and happy or drill your body into a fine pulp until you die, and their rivalry will take a more official form when Ibushi’s arc comes full circle: where he once graciously tried to accept his old friend back into the fold so many years ago, his old friend is now well and truly the Shuyaku, and welcomes him, fist raised, to the loving arms of the Weirds. Milano Collection AT weeps because he can now stan more fervently. La Estrella Dorada Ingobernable has, after all, always been the very definition of ungovernable. (This seems unlikely because of Ibushi’s gr9 rivalries with SANADA and Naito, but in a world where EVIL joined Bullet Club, do we really know what’s real anymore?)

---------

WHEW! Anon, if somehow there is anything you feel I did not address sufficiently, please let me know. Otherwise, as always, thank you for giving me an opportunity to write about something that interests me, and I am sorry for who I am as a person.

#kota ibushi #hiroshi tanahashi #njpw #well you asked #and i didn't even get into tana's history with nakamura and the ibushi and nakamura parallels and tana's attempts to be Aloof aaaaaaa #i have long been wanting to write a book or something about the little constellation of tanahashi - nakamura - ibushi #featuring kenny omega with important appearances by okada - shibata - naito #this is 5.5k words #why do you guys put up with me honestly #who am i even writing for?#(me. always me.)#it's true about the harmful chemicals #hahahahaha acab #the lowkey anti-immigrant storyline they were doing w/ tana and kenny was SO good but they had to stop bc kenny was leaving #immigrants: we do not complete the job #anyway i love you tell me if you guys read or liked this

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leta-the-strange · 6 years ago

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My troubled relationship with the FB community.

Okay, here goes. As ridiculous as it sounds (because in reality, it is ridiculous) I have taken a rather lengthy break from my writing – both here, on A03 and Fanfiction.net for my health. I have a few significant health problems and for as long as I can remember, writing is one of the few escapes I have – one of my true joys. Now, I’m by no means one of the ‘greats’ in any of the fandoms I’ve written in. I’m always in awe of the talent of some of the writers that I have been lucky enough to read and although I’m not at their level, I’ve been so excited to have the opportunity to have these platforms to share the stories I’ve poured my heart into and so mindblown and grateful to have people not only read them but take the time to leave feedback or thanks.

My love for Leta Lestrange began way back in the very first film when we knew very little about her. But I was starry-eyed from the get-go. A woman of colour main character? She quickly turned into my new inspiration and I was lucky enough to be one of the first Leta Lestrange-centred writers and blogs and meet some other great creatives and like-minded fans in the then tiny Leta loving community. I started developing my first multi-chapter story and (as daunting as it was considering the incredible talent in the stories I had read) started uploading the first chapters to share. A few people started reading my stories and left encouragement, advice and comments that absolutely made my day and I would feel so driven and inspired to keeping going and looked forward to spending my evenings putting together new chapters. My heart would skip each time I got an email saying that someone had left a comment, a review, kudos or notes.

I was quite naïve in not knowing much about ‘ship’ and ‘fandom wars’ and when I found out that was a…thing, I did my best to stick to safe, neutral content, staying out of the confrontational tags, not engaging in the fandom too much – only to share things I created or liked (what all this is supposed to be about). Unfortunately, no matter how well I did that foreign, poisonous part of the fandom I was naïve enough to believe I could easily avoid by minding my business found its way into my life and quickly consumed something I loved.

PLEASE understand that this post isn’t about the characters. This is about real people. As a young girl of colour, yes there have absolutely been moments where I feel sick at some of the racist undertones in a large majority of the fandom’s depiction of Leta – I am happy to put my feelings on this in a more eloquent fashion in a separate post but again, the purpose of my first post back is about real people.

There are people in this fandom, quite a lot of people actually who all belong to one particular community, who not only are lucky enough to have the free time to create and share the things they love on the internet but also apparently have enough spare time to actively go seeking out posts, stories, works, etc that are centred on fictional characters and relationships that they don’t like (to put it lightly) for the sole purpose of abusing, bullying and degrading the creators to the delight of their followers that have little more than mic-drop gifs, ‘oh snap’s, and ‘#preach’ to contribute.

This behaviour is disgusting, appalling, unacceptable and harmful.

And of course, not ALL people from this particular, I don’t know the word…’shipping group’ do this (so many are kind, talented and supportive) but enough have that I feel like even if I eventually came to like this pairing, I would never, ever feel safe engaging in that community myself.

I have characters I like, characters I love, ones that I am impartial to and ones I don’t like much. That’s the great thing about fictional characters. However, I have never felt the urge (or had the time or energy) to obsessively track the tags of ships and characters that I don’t like to leave hateful comments designed to make the creators feel unsafe and unwanted in a community in which they are just as entitled to be involved in than anyone else.

This obsessive, abusive behaviour destroyed my love for writing. One of the few things that drew me out of depression when I was unable to physically do much else activity-wise gave me intense anxiety and as much as I still received beautiful comments, I panicked when I received notification that someone had messaged me.

My story has been called disgusting, dumb, awful, gross etc. I have been called deluded (apparently for not following a canon ship), a crazy dumb bitch, illiterate – just off the top of my head. I found a thread last year that encouraged people to upload new Fantastic Beasts content to A03 asap to get my story off the first page when I would upload a new chapter. I was torn to shreds on both fanfiction websites after the second film came out and told that I hadn’t seen the movies (I had started my story well before the second film so I had to fill in the gaps which were quite a few). It seemed so pathetic and laughable at the start, I would just make sure I could monitor my reviews and would delete or not answer the abuse I received.

Eventually though, it become too overwhelming and I found it too difficult to continue – my inspiration was gone and I was emotionally drained. A few times I actually became pale, shaky and vomited from the relentlessness of it. I tried to claw back the thrill and love writing gave me by practicing getting back on the saddle by doing prompts on Tumblr while I was in hospital battling one of my illnesses. I thought it might be nice to take requests from people – a gentle re-entry into my beloved hobby and reconnecting with other fans. I did a piece on Theseus and Leta that I had overwhelming support for. I actually cried when more than a couple people left beautiful messages in regard to my Theseus dying/Leta surviving prompt. A few people left me Newt/Leta related prompts. I got around to completing a first kiss request that earned me an anon informing me that my writing was trash, made them gag in their mouth and I should seriously reconsider inflicting my unwanted pieces on a fandom that doesn’t want them and to keep my shit out of the tag.

I have seen blogs disappear from it and stories, posts and artwork removed. I was scrolling through Instagram and someone (quite notorious for this behaviour across all platforms) simply comment ‘ew #newtinaforever’ on a beautiful Leta fanvid that would have taken such a long time to put together. Surprisingly, the comments I got that were simply ‘ew’, ‘gross’, etc were more hurtful than the torrents of abuse sometimes.

Just a few days ago, someone posted something absolutely non-confrontational and innocent about them personally liking Newt/Leta because they found it cute which of course opened the floodgates for abuse and I read a comment relating to people who don’t personally ship the ‘canon’ ship (this sounds so ridiculous now that I’m typing it) as deluded and needed to check into a mental ward. This is quite personal but I am someone who has an illness that is accompanied by psychotic symptoms and I have spent periods of time in a psychiatric hospital (and will likely need to during my lifetime) for my own wellbeing. I felt physically nauseous by this. I feel anxious now disclosing this as I know this will give more ammunition to the people who have not yet been blocked by me and enjoy taunting me but I want people to understand the weight of their childish, uneducated, ignorant outbursts.

Because of my experience, PLEASE understand that when I say ‘unhinged’ I am not meaning it as a slur, it is coming from a place of serious concern. I think there are people in this fandom that are becoming quite dangerously confused between reality and fantasy. These characters ARE NOT REAL. If I can get through years of one my favourite characters being constantly hated on, written by fans as an abuser, rapist, you name it while far more ‘bad/problematic’ (white) females are adored and shipped with various characters quite harmoniously, and not resort to commenting, abusing or harassing people than you can get through your fave not being someone else’s fave. If your favourite pairing is canon, why are you so insecure about people liking other pairings? In Harry Potter, the most popular fan-favourite ships are non-canon and don’t cause any harm.

If someone writes on THEIR OWN BLOG that they personally don’t follow a certain ship, or they find a character bland or boring, or don’t agree with a casting, or don’t see chemistry between certain actors or like a pairing that differs from your own, JUST KEEP SCROLLING (and certainly don’t go on a witch-hunt by tracking down posts, blogs and stories you know you won’t like).

These are not real people. There is absolutely 0 reasons to be offended by someone saying that they find a certain character or pairing bland (which I haven’t done before). Of course you can disagree but if you are enraged, or offended, or feel inclined to personally attack or threaten A REAL PERSON over their preferences in something make-believe, than please, I implore you for your own mental wellbeing, to seriously assess if this level of emotional attachment to made-up characters is healthy.

I am planning on getting back into my story in time. I would love to get through the prompts and (nice) messages in my inbox now that I’m feeling a little more secure mentally and physically. I do thank all the beautiful people who have taken the time to request things, leave notes and such – I’m only back for them and feel confident that I can work through the toxicity and superiority complexes in this fandom with their support. I will do my best from now on to call out and check people when I see them mistreating others and to have more respect for myself and my work and not tolerate this any longer. I may respond and share some of the less pleasant messages I’ve received if I believe my responses can be helpful to others but there are some that require no response or audience.

I feel very content in the knowledge that I can see a story, visual, video, etc, involving a fandom, character or pairing that I don’t necessarily like and still appreciate the time and effort the person put in and find enjoyment in it too. If you still feel incapable of controlling yourself around people who are not a carbon copy of yourself, please just save yourself the distress by just blocking me instead of wasting valuable time and energy finding new ways to abuse me. I am not a harmful person, I am not an abusive person. I encourage you in your journey to hopefully become the same and if you need to remove yourself from temptation than I applaud that decision no matter how much I cannot personally relate.

To anyone who has read my stories or sent me prompts, thank your for your patience and encouragement. I look forward to being able to get back into a community I have found such joy in.

#fantastic beasts #fantastic beasts and where to find them #fantastic beasts the crimes of grindelwald #leta lestrange #newt scamander #cant get much worse #so i may as well dump this 'shit' in your tag too #prompt

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sleepyfan-blog · 6 years ago

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The Moonlight Carnival

anon request that tumblr munched.

fandom: none

warnings: references to gore, body horror, smoking, horror elements, circus, cursing

This was very different than other requests I’ve gotten, but a fun writing exercise. I really hope that you enjoy this, anon.

“Maman!” Lucette called out, a small pout on her face, waggling the end of the fat cigar that had smoldered out in the grey, foggy afternoon. The cold damp had soaked into everything - little droplets of water having condensed onto the thick goggles that the young zombie liked to wear on her head. Her black beret was similarly soaked and some of the frills on her long, black dress had flattened somewhat. Her long, dirty hair (long since stained by the gunpowder that she so loved to play with) clung together in clumps and patches, but none of this mattered to the little girl as she skipped over to her mother, gently tugging on the vampire’s dress “Maman, my cigar went out!”

Leonne smiled indulgently at her beloved daughter, gently reaching out and patting her, glad that the magical sigil continued to glow at least. It proved to her that this fog was not of a natural make, at least. She pulls the cigarette out of her mouth, blowing a bit of smoke out from between her lips as she does so as she lights her daughter’s cigar, and murmurs “Find Vivian and bring her into the main tent, alright? I need to talk with Zosme and Liam… Oh, and do check to make sure that Miss Eloise will be coming for her shift - but that she will need to be on guard. I don’t like the look of this fog. It’s dreadfully suffocating.” She twirled the end of her cigarette holder for emphasis, knowing with long practice how to spin it without causing the cigarette to go spinning out of the holder.

“Yes, maman!” Lucette responded, happily running off to go find her friend, finding her softly blue-glowing form as she drifted from one side of the encampment to the other “Vivian! Vivian, maman says that we have to stay inside.” She grinned widely at her dear magician friend, her crooked, yellow-stained teeth flashing a little in the dim, grey light, her milky-white eyes reflecting her surroundings.

“Hmmm…? Oh… Alright.” The young ghost nodded, drifted after her more lively friend, a small smile appearing on her face as the pair of them made their way into the spacious main tent.

Lucette wandered over to where her cannon was, gently patting it and humming softly, closing her eyes for a couple of moments as she recalled the the many time that she had flown through the air, rising high, high into the sky, her hair streaming behind her, her arms outstretched as she felt as if she could fly, before tumbling down, laughing and screaming with delight as she rocketed back down to earth, uncaring of the splattered mess that she’d make, content to wait until Maman and the others found the scattered pieces of her body. She heard a faint splash from the beautiful, glass tank that Zosme and Liam performed in - finding the way that they flew in the water to be pretty… But water put out her precious fire, and was therefore something that she didn’t like very much. She ran to the water’s edge and called out “Zosme! Zoooosmeee~! Maman really wants to talk to you, something about the fog being weird…”

The tall, slender selkie breached the surface of the water at the sound of the little girl’s voice, and sent her a small smile, a flash of needle-sharp teeth briefly seen before she spoke, her voice beautiful and lilting, as if Zosme were singing just a little (it was such a pretty sound, almost as lovely as the sounds that Lucette’s cannon made as it fired her into the sky! Or into the crowd, which was really funny, even if most of them really didn’t appreciate her guts getting blown across them) “Very well, does she want to talk to Liam as well?”

“Uh-huh! Where’s the cellphone that we use to talk to Eloise at? I don’t remember where Maman put it…” The little zombie asked, frowning for a moment before shrugging. If she needed to remember something, she would!

“It’s on the highest stand of the bleachers, near the lights, so that it can stay charged, little one. The two of us will go speak to the Ring mistress about this supposedly concerning fog. Do not worry, for no weather will scare us away!” The siren promised, gently pointing out where the phone was before setting off in the direction of her boss.

Liam - her lovely Selkie boyfriend - walked hand in hand with her as the pair of them made their way through the dense fog towards Leonne, nodding politely to the vampire. “The young ones are inside - Vivi is practicing one of her card tricks, and I believe that Luci is checking to make sure that her cannon is in working order again. There is definitely something strange about this fog… And perhaps a bit unfriendly, but as we are merely wandering travelers, so long as we do not tarry here for longer than necessary, I believe that we should be safe… Perhaps tag Luci with a locator spell so that we can find her pieces a bit faster?”

Liam shivered a little, squinting a bit, squeezing her hand a little bit and muttering quietly “I think that we should push for a modest crowd, nothing too big. We’re still in the newer territories for The Gentry to try to claim but…” The selkie shivers a little bit, a quiet warble in the back of his throat as he presses closer to his beautiful, badass girlfriend “This reeks of some sort of portent and I’m not about to get pulled into some bullshit quest, or tied down to some scheming being who’s hidden my coat somewhere.”

Zosme growled a little, her eyes flashing with protective wrath “As if I would let someone make you a meek little house-husband, my love. I would sing them to a slow and miserable death, until they are begging we take your coat back before drinking full and deep their life’s blood, giving you their still-beating heart as a prize.”

Leonne nodded, a concerned frown appearing on her face “Duly noted - and I suppose that we should angle for a mainly human crowd, despite how… Judgmental they can be?”

“Yes.” Both Zosme and Liam responded at the same time, nodding in unison.

“Ah, well. It can’t be helped, and I’d rather not have to deal with any of territorial nonsense. I’m not part of a coven for many reasons, the rules that come with being part of a group being one of them.” The Ring Mistress responded with a sigh. “Patrol the grounds until ten minutes before your act begins. Contact me if we have company.”

Siren and Selkie nodded in understanding, this small, travelling circus was very much their home, and they would defend it from anyone who would seek to tear apart their rag-tag little family apart with ridiculous and irritating notions of what beings like them could or should do.

Eloise sighed as her phone rang. She had just caught the last of the fish that Zosme needed for food, had swung by the blood bank for Boss, found some unusual teas and a couple dozen macarons for Luci, and managed to talk the spectral proprietor of the unusual candy and pastry shop to let her purchase some spectral sweets for Vivi. She even found those sea-being friendly chocolates that Liam had begged her to try to find, as a surprise for his girlfriend. Eloise had a couple of hours before she needed to head back and had decided to crash at a hotel to catch some much-needed sleep and was just about to check in to a comfortable place to nap that had this neat time-dilation spell on it that would allow her to get a full eight hours of sleep well before she had to get to work. Was it spendy? Yes. But Eloise was going to be up all night taking tickets and handing out food to the customers and wanted to make sure that she was going to be ready for opening night. Unless it was her parents, demanding that she come home from the circus. In which case she’d just ignore it and sign in. But no, it was the boss. “Hey boss, what’s up?” She asked, yawning a little.

“Miss Eloise, have you noticed the fog today?” Leonne asked without preamble.

The human blinked a little, utterly confused as she walked out of the hotel doors. Unless the weather had changed in the past five minutes, it had been a warm, sunny day. This had not changed “Uh… Boss, I’m not sure where you are right now, but it’s clear blue skies and warm, bright sun. I figured you’d be indoors because of the light bothering your eyes.” That’s how she’d been taught how to talk about her boss’s vampirism in public. Then again, people could get really weird about a lot of things, and Ellie had long since learned how to roll with the punches.

“Non! The fog rolled in shortly after you left in the morning to get us all something to eat… Come back to us, please. Something strange is happening, and I fear we may need to pack up and head elsewhere. Or at least change locations.” Leonne responded, sounding as startled and confused as Eloise felt.

Damn, and she’d already started the word of mouth campaign, spreading throughout the city about the circus. Eloise didn’t understand why Mrs. Leonne wouldn’t let her post about the circus online, but none of them were particularly fond of human gadgetry - and talking about a zombie in a circus could draw the wrong sort of people. Lucette was a sweet, intelligent kid, and the last thing that Eloise wanted was for some dumb asshole to try to kill her for being an abomination… Or worse. “Yes boss. I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’ll text you when I’m about ten minutes out.”

“Good. Travel safely.” Leonne acknowledged before hanging up.

Sure enough, as soon as Eloise hit the side of town that The Moonlight Carnival was set-up in - perfectly legally, mind you. They had all of the permits and zoning requirements as needed per city, county and state laws… There was a fog wall. Thick as anything and looking very much like a physical barrier. There were also beings in neat, black and white pinstripe suits patrolling the perimeter looking incredibly official and intimidating. Despite everything that she’d been taught in school, the human moved closer to the group, catching the…

Moonstone lotus pins that each of them wore above their left breast pockets, just above neatly folded blood-red handkerchiefs that were probably silk or something equally expensive. Eloise cursed quietly to herself as she pulled out her phone, looking up where the nearest public rose garden was, walking with purpose away from the patrolling beings, doing their best to seem unconcerned by what they were doing so long as they didn’t go after her.

She stepped lightly over the barrier of salt-stones and garlic plants, across the fast-flowing water and into the public rose garden, heading straight for one of the ovals (carefully maintained so as not to turn into circles as an unwitting invitation to the fae) and called her boss.

“Eloise, are you alright? I cannot hear you.” Leonne asked, concern in her voice.

As if she was really ten minutes away, Leonne could hear her heartbeat, if the vampire so chose. “I sought sanctuary in a rose garden. Sorry about that, but The Gilded Lotus has cordoned the half of the town that the circus is in. I’m not sure if they’re after you or someone else, but you all should really clear off. I saw a dozen of the smug fuckers patrolling the fog-barrier, so whatever they’re after, they really want it.”

“Merde. Stay there until I call you again. I dislike the noisiness of this city and I don’t feel like putting on a show tonight. I’ll inform the others of that.” Leonne responded with an irritated growl underlining her words.

“Yes boss.” Eloise answered back. This wasn’t the first time they’d skipped town because of local bullshit, and it likely wouldn’t be the last.

#my writing #gore tw #body horror tw #smoking tw #horror tw #circus tw #vampire #zombie #selkie #siren #ghost #cursing tw

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reconditarmonia · 6 years ago

Text

Dear Chocolate Box Author

Hello, lovely writer!

I’m reconditarmonia here and on AO3 (and have been since LJ days, but my LJ is locked down and I only have a DW to see locked things). I have anon messaging off, but mods should be able to contact me if you have any questions.

General likes:

– Relationships that aren’t built on romance or attraction. They can be romantic or sexual as well, but my favorite ships are all ones where it would still be interesting or compelling if the romantic component never materialized.

– Loyalty kink, whether commander-subordinate or comrades-in-arms, and the trust associated with it. Sometimes-but-not-always relatedly, idealism. I guess the two combined might be, in general, the idea of nobility of character and what that means. Also, gestures of loyalty.

– Heists, or other stories where there’s a lot of planning and then we see how the plan goes.

– Femslash, complicated or intense relationships between women, and female-centric gen. Women doing “male” stuff (possibly while crossdressing).

– Stories whose emotional climax or resolution isn’t the sex scene, if there is one.

– Uniforms/costumes/clothing.

– Stories, history, and performance. What gets told and how, what doesn’t get told or written down, behavior in a society where everyone’s consuming media and aware of its tropes, how people create their personas and script their own lines.

– Eucatastrophe.

General DNW: rape/dubcon, torture, other creative gore; unrequested AUs, including “same setting, different rules” AUs such as soulmates/soulbonds; PWP; food sex; embarrassment; focus on pregnancy; Christmas/Christian themes.

—

Fandom: Coriolanus

Ship(s): Coriolanus/Aufidius

Fightsex ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Or fighting with high UST? (I should mention that Hiddleston!Coriolanus’s bemused reaction to Aufidius’s speech and kiss is, shall we say, not my headcanon; I like how equally obsessed with each other the two of them are.) The “he is a lion that I am proud to hunt” line seems to get quoted a lot, but I’m more interested in the part of the line that immediately precedes it - “Were half to half the world by th' ears and he upon my party, I'd revolt to make only my wars with him" - and this coexists with how they see each other as being so similar.

Fandom-Specific DNWs/Exception: PWP should be all right on this one. Cultural hangups around penetration in the context of fighting for dominance are fine, but DNW shame/reluctance when getting down to whatever they decide to do, please, and also DNW dialogue descriptions of what’s occurring in the sex.

—

Fandom: Discworld

Ship(s): Polly “Ozzer” Perks & Jackrum, Polly “Ozzer” Perks & Sam Vimes, Tonker Halter/Lofty Tewt/Maladict, Tonker Halter/Lofty Tewt/Polly “Ozzer” Perks

/ ships: Destroy the Polly/Mal and Tonker/Lofty hegemony! /sarcasm These just seemed like ships that would be interesting to see - I guess I imagine them as being short-term given Tonker and Lofty’s one true love, but I’d be interested in seeing why Tonker and Lofty might let someone else in, why Mal or Polly might accept, and how that’d play out. Probably post-canon? How does it come about, if Tonker and Lofty have retired (to be criminals/freedom-fighters, or did they just rob the one bank to get enough to retire on and burn down the one place as personal revenge?) while Mal and Polly are still in the army? (Again, sarcastic about the Polly/Mal, I ship it and would be up for Polly/Mal pining in the context of one of these trios if that’s what you’re into.)

& ships: Just more of Polly and her mentor/s! I love that Monstrous Regiment is about a woman who joins the army in response to an immediate crisis but comes to learn that she’s a cunning bastard and that being a sergeant is what she’s good at. More of Polly learning from Jackrum (or deciding to do things differently, having things to teach) would be great. (She hasn’t heard nearly all Jackrum’s stories - or, even in retirement, there must be some adventure they could have, or something could come up around Jackrum’s big secret, or the book of blackmail.) So would Polly finding a new mentor in Vimes, learning how things work in Ankh-Morpork (as big city - how does she react to all the cultural differences? - or as a power structure where the rules of getting stuff done might be different than in Borogravia) or across periodic meetings when he’s in Borogravia. What are they cynical about, what do they believe in?

I request Monstrous Regiment a lot, so I have previous prompts for it in my “dear authors” tag.

Fandom-Specific DNW/Exception: gender headcanons, identity musing, or non-canonical pronouns. “He” or “she” for Jackrum are both fine, but I would not want to read the character making a big deal about gender identity or pronouns. Also, er, PWP would probably be fine for the / ships, although I’m still interested more in the character dynamics than in what would be hot.

—

Fandom: Harlots

Ship(s): Charlotte Wells & Margaret Wells, Lydia Quigley & Charlotte Wells, Nancy Birch/Margaret Wells, Nancy Birch & Margaret Wells & William North

Charlotte & Margaret: There are so many levels to their relationship! In some ways it’s the usual “your baby is an adult person now”, but especially in season 2, Charlotte’s also working/fighting for the “side” that Margaret leads, and of course who Charlotte is as an adult person is so dependent on Margaret’s great betrayal of her. It’d be great to read something dealing with how thorny and complex their relationship is, their ambition and moral ambivalence, a conflict they have over something that’s not a keeper/relationship, ways in which their personalities are similar or different. (I would prefer to have Margaret’s selling of Charlotte remain an element of their backstory, rather than being the focus of the fic. If you want to start the story post-canon with Margaret back in place, don’t feel obligated to explain how she avoided transportation - I’m fine with that noodle incident or tacit canon divergence, but I’d prefer that the fic didn’t ignore the events of season 2 in general. Explaining it, or having her indeed transported, are also fine!)

Lydia & Charlotte: The other mother-daughter pairing! I love everything about the “loyal and beloved henchman secretly plotting revenge” plot in season 2. What if the secret hadn’t been revealed when it was, and Charlotte had become more and more compromised? Or, without that canon divergence, tell me more about what they genuinely like or admire about each other, or what Charlotte learns from Lydia about managing her house or her persona. Or maybe there’s another situation where, even as open enemies, they have to work together and help/rely on each other. (If you don’t feel like explaining how Lydia gets out of Bedlam and want to start the story post-canon with her back in place, I’m fine with that, whether we assume she manipulated her way out or that canon divergence happened and she wasn’t committed.)

Nancy/Margaret or Nancy & Margaret & Will: I was really happy that Nancy and Margaret got to kiss, because I’d been shipping them. What interests me most about the ship (and which is the reason I’m prompting both Nancy/Mags and Nancy&Mags&Will together) is Nancy and Margaret as partners-as-family. Both Nancy and Will are Margaret’s unmarried partners, to some degree or other, and play a parental role with the children that are hers but not theirs - do they have words for that when so many other relationships in their lives are definable and quantifiable? Did Nancy and Margaret ever try to live together or go into business together (after leaving Quigley’s - I’m not really interested in reading about them when they’re very young) or did they decide to live close but separate from the start? What’s a day in the life like for Margaret, Will, and Nancy?

I’ve requested this fandom before, in my “dear author letters” tag.

Fandom-Specific Exception to DNW: I recognize that rape and dubcon are endemic to the canon and specifically to a subplot I like, and I don’t expect you to avoid all reference to them, but would prefer not to have them described in detail, or to dwell on specific instances.

—

Fandom: Original Work

Ship(s): Crime Boss/Right Hand Man or Woman/Undercover Police Officer, Female Aristocrat/Her Right-Hand Woman, Female Berserker/Female Officer She's Absolutely Loyal To, Female Commissioned Officer/Female Non-Commissioned Officer, Female Historical or Fantasy World Assassin-Spy/Her Female Patron, Female Re-Enactor Playing Male Soldier/Female Re-Enactor Playing Woman, Queen in a Court Full of Intrigue/Loyal and Vicious Female Writer, Recently Promoted Female Officer/Her Female Comrade-Now-Subordinate

So, clearly I love loyalty kink, stuff about how people relate to one another across a difference of rank or responsibility, questions of doing potentially fucked-up things for someone else because you’re loyal to them or are replacing your ethical judgment with theirs, or alternately of stopping someone from using the skills at their disposal in order to protect them or for a more farsighted goal. What kinds of situations could these characters be put in to risk themselves (whether that’s physically, or their ethics, reputation, secrets, position, goals...) for each other, or to ask someone they love to risk themselves? Maybe they’re the best at what they do, but what is it and how do they do it? How far do they need to go to prove their loyalty, if that’s what they need to do for personal reasons or for their own ambitions or wider goals?

Female Re-Enactor Playing Male Soldier/Female Re-Enactor Playing Woman does seem to be the odd one out, even if it also has to do with women soldiers, but I’d be so curious to know how they came to the decisions about who they would play, if they fall in love first or if their characters fall in love first and how all that plays out, all the tropey stuff that you might write for a historical canon but played as re-enactment, costume stuff...

For the military ones, these can be made-up societies, AU history where integrated or all-female armies were the norm, both women disguised as men in male armies, contexts where male soldiers are the norm but our female characters are there too for reasons...I think I'd prefer a context a little removed from the modern, but there's a lot of room for flexibility there. Same for the Aristocrat/Right-Hand Woman and Queen/Writer - historical or fantasy world, as with the assassin/patron, would be ideal. The re-enactors can be modern, or also in a made-up or future world. Gender wasn’t specified in the Crime Boss ship - I’d especially love to read that as f/f/f if you can swing it, but if that doesn’t work out, I would prefer f!boss/right-hand man/f!cop or f!boss/right-hand woman/m!cop over options with m!boss or two men.

I’ve requested this sort of thing before, so there’s more in my “dear author letters” tag.

Fandom-Specific DNW: If you go with a fantasy world for this, I would prefer human characters or, I guess, elves; DNW orcs, goblins, demons, dragons, etc.

—

Fandom: The Revenger’s Tragedy

Ship(s): Lussurioso/Vindice, Vindice & Hippolito, Vindice & Hippolito & Castiza

It is my firm belief that had Lussurioso’s target not happened to be Castiza, Vindice would have loved being Lussurioso’s henchman. They hit it off right away - both times! I’d love to see something that explores that (not that it has to be AU, I mean, just the idea that Vindice actually likes the guy and really enjoys/is well suited for this job). And Lussurioso’s got the measure of him, too, to some degree (“Yet [swear to be true in all] for my humour’s sake...’cause I love swearing.”) Uh, not that this means you can’t write it as incredibly fucked up, though; I mean, a big part of Vindice’s character for me is that he might have no place in an honest world. Does Vindice have any scruples that aren’t related to his own family? Sex as manipulation one way, both ways? How much murder?

Or give me some family dynamics! I’m weirdly curious about birth order, which is not specified in canon - I firmly headcanon Vindice as not the oldest and Hippolito as older than him, but would be interested in your perspective on the rest of the configuration. How alike or different are they (beyond the canon path of Hippolito getting more into Vindice’s whole “elaborate murder” shtick)? What else might happen to our battlin’ brothers that’s off-screen in canon, where they’re more, or less, in sync/on the same wavelength? If Castiza learns about what the brothers have been up to during or after canon, how might that play out?

Fandom-Specific DNW: No movie canon. The razor scars? Just in the movie. As well, please don’t have Castiza (or Antonio, if it comes up) be truly corrupted.

—

Fandom: Simoun

Ship(s): Aaeru & Neviril & Paraietta & Rodoreamon & Floef & Vyuraf, Aaeru/Neviril, Mamiina/Rodoreamon, Paraietta & Neviril, Paraietta/Rodoreamon

I’m so interested in the way that the war affects the relationship dynamics of this show - how Mamiina and Rodoreamon have this troubled backstory that they need to set aside and end up loving/respecting one another, how both Paraietta and Aaeru’s relationships with Neviril are personal relationships but also about them being soldiers and her being commander. And the way their experiences change them as people, and what that could mean for their relationships with one another. One thing I love about the canon is how, in the mold of all my favorite epic yuri/shoujo animes, Everything Is Beautiful And Then Shit Gets Real, and that’s not just an out-of-universe fact of the show but something that the characters themselves, who are “supposed” to be priestesses and not an air force, have to deal with.

I don’t have a lot of ship-specific prompts, but I’m always interested in loyalty; sexual first times probably tie into the canon’s themes in a lot of ways; time loops or timespace play? I did start wondering (when prompting this for Yuletide) what might happen post-canon if Neviril and Aeru make it back to the main world when war is brewing again, but Neviril has no one from the old cohort to lead because they can’t fly anymore - so what do they do? (I think the way the show is allows for lost characters like them or Mamiina to be brought back, although I think I’d prefer it to be acknowledged in-story as due to magic or time weirdness rather than a tacit canon divergence/retcon.)

I request this allllll the time, so I have a lot of rambling in my “dear author letters” tag.

Fandom-Specific DNW/Exception: I don't need you to retcon the attempted assault(s), but please don't dwell on them. No Dominuura/Limone if that comes up, please.

—

Fandom: Sleep No More

Ship(s): Bald Witch & Sexy Witch & Boy Witch, Bald Witch & Macduff, Sexy Witch & Fulton, Witch/Witch/Witch

I saw Sleep No More for the first(?) time in November, and it was really neat to explore and see all of the intertwining stories. I was especially interested in the Witches and the parts of their stories that I saw (I spent a lot of time with Bald Witch and with Fulton). One of my favorite things was the idea of this world of darkness and magic that’s underlying or intertwined with the social world, rather than in a separate space - I loved seeing the Witches at the ball and, holy shit, Bald Witch pulling off her wig after the ball in her solo ritual thing! This was the place in the loop where I first ran into her/noticed her, so I hadn’t realized it was a wig until that moment, and I was hooked. So, how do the Witches interact with the normal world, or deliberately carve out other spaces (like the apothecary shop)? What’s under the physical foundations of the castle and hotel and shops/what was there before, that they (or people like Fulton) might know about but that the world at large doesn’t know or has forgotten?

But also - who are the witches and how did they find each other? Are they still human, or are they immortal in some way? Do they have day-to-day lives or are they witching all the time?

BTW, I’d be happy to get just Bald Witch/Sexy Witch or Bald Witch & Sexy Witch if that’s what you’re more interested in, rather than all three.

—

Fandom: Spinning Silver

Ship(s): Miryem Mandelstam/Irina, Miryem Mandelstam/Original Female Staryk Character, Miryem Mandelstam/Wanda

I really liked the book’s ideas of power - Miryem’s real-world power of accounting and hardheadedness becoming magic in the Staryk world, being a queen in one world while belonging to a disenfranchised minority in another. Power, rules, exchange - these play into a number of my prompts for these ships.

Miryem/Irina: Two queens with very different kinds of power, and different ideas of where their commitment lies - Miryem’s to “her people” whether that’s her family/other Jews/the Staryk who have bound themselves to her, Irina’s to “Lithvas” - and what’s consistent with their own ethics to fulfill those commitments. Widow them both and have the ultimate human world-Staryk world power marriage? A more serious rivalshippy thing where you make Miryem and Irina deal with the fact that they’re respectively a Jewish queen of a super-powerful magic country and the queen of a largely anti-Semitic country who’s not totally free from those beliefs herself? (I should mention that I am explicitly okay with the story touching on anti-Semitism or having anti-Semitism as a central issue.) What about different court traditions, when they visit each other - or, what happens when Miryem is back in the human world, knowing she’s a queen somewhere else? Can Miryem use the mirror from Irina to do an end run around the whole Persephone setup and travel back and forth whenever she wants?

Miryem/Wanda: I liked the early development of their relationship and wished we’d had more of that later in the story. How would Wanda’s gratitude to Miryem and the Mandelstams play in a land that views gratitude so differently from the human world? Might Wanda’s real-world “magic”, like the reading and writing Miryem gave her, manifest differently in the Staryk world too? Do you want to go full Tam Lin and have Wanda rescue Miryem from the Staryk world? Would Wanda ever consider converting to Judaism? What if she’s less settling into comfortable forest retirement and more becoming a magical gatekeeper of Miryem’s land in her own way?

Miryem/Original Female Staryk Character - Miryem must have more adventures in the Staryk world post-canon, not just the post-war rebuilding. Or maybe in an AU, there’s a different way that she comes into their land, or a Staryk character who comes into the human world. Who might she meet?

I also requested this for Yuletide, so I have more prompts in my “dear author letters” tag. And you can also feel free to ignore these pairings and write another fairytale about the Staryk and the Jews (possibly with Original Female Staryk/Original Female Human, Original Female Staryk/Original Female Staryk, or not).

Fandom-Specific DNW: I’m not interested in Miryem/Staryk or Irina/Mirnatius (as m/f, anyway), so please don’t get into either infidelity angst or poly negotiation. AUs where they never married them, killing both the husbands offscreen, or the assumption of an open relationship are all fine.

#dear author letters #chocolate box #original work #spinning silver #harlots #coriolanus #sleep no more #monstrous regiment #simoun #the revenger's tragedy

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sidewritings · 7 years ago

Text

When Shadows Meet

Summary: Something follows Virgil back to his room from Roman’s kingdom

Pairings: None

Genres: Fantasy?

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1657

Author’s Note: This fic is just an excuse for me to write about my beloved monster and dear friend.

Virgil wasn't a fan of Roman's creativity kingdom. It was far too bright most of the time, it was dangerous and expansive, easy to get lost in. To make it worse, it was unpredictable for everyone but Roman. He didn't like going on adventures in there, but he was trying to humor Roman and the other sides since they'd accepted him... and it helped that Logan got dragged along too. At least he had someone to roll his eyes with and mutter about how extra everything was in there.

They'd been exploring in a covered wagon over the 'American plains' (Logan had spotted and quietly pointed out to Virgil several inaccuracies while Patton and Roman chatted away and enjoyed the adventure. It was kind of like that game, Oregon trail, only without anyone dying of dysentery, or dying at all. They'd been setting up camp for the 'night' when Virgil got a splitting headache and decided to duck out. He'd said his goodbyes to Roman, Logan, and Patton and left Roman's room, heading for his own room and his bed.

A shadow slipped through the door behind Virgil and followed him unnoticed.

The monster didn't like the loud one's creativity kingdom. For one thing, it was far too bright all the time. During the day the sun shone bright and hot in the sky, and the plains had little shade or places to hide from the blinding rays. Even at night, the stars shone too brightly, lighting up the world and leaving no spot untouched. The colors were too saturated and hurt his eyes to look at.

Then there was danger everywhere. The plains were full of predators and herd creatures, birds overhead and snakes below. None of the creatures liked him, being afraid of his size, his coloring, and his ability to change form at will. No matter how small and unthreatening he made himself, the animals, and certainly the humans out here knew he was different and feared him, often lashing out at the monster.

The loud one's kingdom was also too big. So much open space with no place to hide, it was terrifying. He often got lost, accidentally wandering into another creature's territory just trying to find someplace where he would be safe. It was scary and stressful and exhausting, and the poor monster felt hopeless.

Until he saw the shadowling. The shadowling and the cool one nearest him wore dark colors and weren't too loud or bright. They spoke softly and seemed almost as out of place here as he was. The loud one and his far-too-bright companion kept the monster from approaching, but he was intrigued. He turned himself into a little shadow and watched the strange group of humans set up a shelter for the night.

When the shadowling left the group and a door appeared before him, the monster followed. He wanted to be anywhere but the bright, loud, open place, and if the shadowling was going there, maybe it would be a good place for him too. The little shadow slipped through the door behind the shadowling just before it was closed behind him.

Virgil knew he was having a nightmare, but he couldn't make himself wake up. He could distantly feel his body lying in bed, but that didn't help him stop hearing and seeing and smelling the horror in his dream. He struggled, tossing and turning in his bed, running in his head, trying to escape. Then he felt something large, wet, and a bit rough on the side of his face, and Virgil woke with a start, sitting up in bed and turning to see a pair of wide-set yellow eyes looking back at him.

He gasped and rolled to the other side of the bed, sheets wrapping around him as the creature scurried back, stopping against the far wall. Virgil blinked, his eyes adjusting to the low-light of the room. The yellow eyes were attached to a creature about the size of an adult German Shepherd dog, but it didn't look like any dog he'd ever seen. It had horns for one thing, and dark green fur, long and rather soft looking. The creature still had a bit of its tongue sticking out, and Virgil could see the edges of a couple sharp teeth.

“Were you trying to eat me?” Virgil asked the monster.

The creature snorted and shook its large head, its tongue dripping spittle onto the carpet.

Virgil felt himself relax the tiniest bit. Waking up from a nightmare to a strange thing in his room still had him on edge, but the thing looked kind of cute and it wasn't attacking him. He took a better look at it and noticed the way it was backed against the opposite wall, hooves digging into the carpet like it wanted to get further away.

Virgil took a deep breath to calm down a little more, it was frightened of him too, and he needed to sort out what it was and why it was there. It could be lost.

“It's okay,” He said, in his most soothing voice, “I won't hurt you if you don't hurt me.”

The creature bowed its head in a nod.

“Can,” Virgil felt silly for asking, “Can you understand me?”

“Yes”

Virgil yelled and startled bad enough that he fell out of bed, sheets still tangled around him. He heard scuffling and a whine from the other side of the room, moving further away from him. Virgil struggled and fought his way free of the sheets around him. He took several calming breaths before he sat up slowly, noting lack of any serious injuries from his fall, and stood slowly. The monster was now trying to hide behind his desk.

“Sorry, I didn't think you could talk.” Virgil rubbed the back of his neck, “and your voice... startled me.”

The creature whined, much like a dog.

“I'm sorry, I don't like it when people yell either. I didn't mean to do it to you.” Virgil said, “You can come out, I won't hurt you, or yell again.”

The creature stayed where it was and shook its head.

Virgil sat on the bed, trying to look as non-threatening as he could.

“You can stay there for now if you want, but could you please tell me how you got here?”

The creature hesitated, his big yellow eyes on Virgil before letting out a small huff.

“I followed you from the bright place.”

Bright place, Virgil thought, trying to think of, oh, he got it.

“Roman's kingdom?”

“If that's what you call the loud one, yes.”

Virgil stifled a laugh at the thought of Roman being 'the loud one'. It suited him, but would make Roman upset to hear it.

“Why follow me?”

“You're quiet and dark. Nice. I thought you'd go someplace quiet and dark, where I could hide.”

Virgil thought about it, he had thousands of more questions, but he was tired. He needed to decide what to do about this and get back to sleep. Only a couple more questions then.

“Why did you lick me?”

“To wake you up. You were upset. Bad dream?” The creature cocked its head at an unnatural angle that, on another animal might have been terrifying, but on this creature was rather adorable.

“Yeah, bad dream,” Virgil agreed, scrubbing at his face. He couldn't remember details now, but he knew it wasn't one of his milder nightmares.

Virgil blinked and his vision swam, he was too tired and needed to go back to sleep. He hesitated, weighing his options before speaking.

“You can stay here tonight if you would like,” Virgil saw something on the creatures head twitch, he assumed it was an ear, “and we can talk more in the morning.”

“Thank you,” the creature said sounding a little surprised, “Where should I sleep?”

“Wherever, I can get you a blanket if...” Virgil trailed off, a little stunned as the creature changed size and shape. It was the size and shape of a very fluffy house cat now, the only identifiers being the dark green fur and lack of visible pupils in its yellow eyes. The creature walked over to Virgil’s bed, slipping underneath it easily. Out of sight, the only evidence that it was there the abnormally loud purring coming from somewhere under the center of the bed frame.

“Okay then,” Virgil pulled up a blanket from the foot of his bed, not bothering with the sheet still on the floor. He closed his eyes and started to fall back asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. As he began to drift off, a persistent question floated to the forefront of his thoughts, preventing him from fully falling asleep.

“What is your name?” Virgil asked. The purring stopped.

The monster thought. It had been a while since anything had reminded him that he even had a name. He couldn't remember much from before the bright place, but snippets returned to him slowly as he thought. Smells returned to him, connected to a human who felt like home and a place that didn't. The sight of a splotchy red face covered in tears and partially hidden by thick dark curls. He remembered the sound of purring from above him and the cats that would occasionally sleep with him, instead of his human. A voice, sweet and warm and loving and rough through sniffles after crying, wishing him goodnight.

“My name is Frank,” he said, unsure if the shadowling heard him or not.

“Hey, Frank,” Virgil's sleepy voice came from above him, somewhat muffled, probably by a pillow, “I'm Virgil.”

They were both very tired, and Frank fell asleep, his tail curled around himself in a place that felt like home with a human who almost felt like home too.

Tag List: @not-so-innocent-bi-sander, @ashrain5 @sanders-trash-4ever @loverofpizzaandallthingssweet, @icecoldparadise, @sanspie122 @welcomebasketidiot @armageddonhascome, @whatthefeelsiswrongwithme, @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch, @aikogumi, @justanotherpurplebutterfly, @anxietyisahufflepuff, @tinysidestrashcaptain, @logan-must-be-serious, @myspace-anxiety, @andy-the-anon, @starving-for-stability

#When Shadows Meet #Sanders Sides Fanfiction #Virgil Sanders #Frank the monster #the monster under the bed #do not the creatures of darkness deserve love too?#my beloved monster #sidewritten

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cryathon · 7 years ago

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easy girls

Hello Kylee!!

I’d be really glad if you posted this but it’s absolutely fine if you don’t want to because even I understand how horrendous my writing can be sometimes.

So.

You are probably very surprised by this submission but hear me out?

I have only recently joined the Holland and Peter Parker fandom, but I absolutely loved all the fan contributions- fan arts, hcs, fics. Like I’m absolutely sold. So I have been playing around with this idea for a long time now and having read quite a few fics, I have finally found the courage to write it out. However, I have yet to open a Tumblr account. (I’m literally hovering over people’s accounts and reading stuff and sending asks) And if I do open an account, I don’t think it’ll be anytime soon, so before this fic becomes ugly to me and I impulsively delete it like my others, I decided I should submit it and get someone to post it, and who knows, maybe I might get advice on how to improve my writing or some people might actually like it.

Of course, this is absolutely not the best you’ve read and has room for improvement. Buuuuut, I am a non native English speaker and it’s been years since I last wrote something (last I had written an HP fic, which I also deleted. SMH.) Please feel free to make any sort of editing/spelling corrections as well as add warnings I might have missed out (and a summary if you feel it’s necessary) before posting it.

- easy girls -

pairing: ahahaha

warnings: mention of blood. douchebag!Tom. douchebag!OC. sad (i think??).

word count: <1k

author’s note: I’m ashamed of myself for having written Tom (and for treating Sam) this way. This was the result of having read so much angst. I’m also sorry if the writing sucked big time (sometimes I forget the word for absolutely simple things so don’t be surprised).

You had already crushed on him since he first graced the screens in the role of a beloved superhero. But on an occasion of a friend of a friend of a friend, you got the privilege to meet him face to face.

Now, with your eyes directly across his doe ones in the dimly lit cafe, you debunked the age-old debate about the existence of love at first sight, having experienced it first hand today.

Thomas Stanley Holland was the one for you, and every cell in your body knew it.

“Hello,” you shyly offered a hand. “I’m Y/N.”

His smile melted your heart.

***

You stumbled into the room in a drunken stupor, hand gripped onto the door knob to keep yourself from falling.

Tom had his hands snaked around the waist of another woman, again. This time, he didn’t even look up and continued to fervently make out with her. Someone that was not you.

You were no longer shocked, but the wound in your heart deepened.

“Tell me!” you shouted, grabbing Tom by the collar, making it so that Tom was no longer near that woman’s body.

“Why won’t you tell me?”

Tom simply sighed, rubbing his temples with his now free hands. The woman snorted and waltzed out of the room. “I’m sorry, I’ll be done with her tonight for sure. Call you later?” Tom called out after her.

“Whatever,” she had mumbled, carelessly, and your heart burned.

Oh the things that you could do to be in her place.

“Tell me,” you pleaded, your eyes watering, “Tell me why you won’t love me.”

He released an annoyed sigh.

You repeated again, your voice trembling.

“Tell me.”

Your hands had now been clutching onto Tom’s shirt, shaking him.

“Because I hate girls who throw themselves at me!” The words escaped his lips before he could even stop himself. He had been momentarily taken aback by how blunt his words were but quickly regained his indifferent composure.

He cleared his throat.

“Because I hate girls who throw themselves at me,” he repeated, calmly. “I hate- I hate easy girls. Girls like you.”

Your hands limply fell to your sides.

Your eyes widened but your vision become hazy. Your ears were ringing and your face had paled, having been drained out of all the blood.

You could no longer see Tom or his apartment, and the next thing you knew, you were walking on the road barefoot under the pouring rain.

You were not even crying- you’d knew if you were, because they left the oh so familiar trail of heat across your cheeks. Instead, your heels felt warm, as they had now been slashed red due to some uneven and unshaven rocks on the gravel.

You loved Tom shamelessly, and he broke you mercilessly.

You had left a faint bloody trail on your wake.

***

You had been visiting a photo exhibition after finally giving into your best friend’s numerous ploys to get you to live like a human again. You had continuously reassured her that you were no longer hurting, just numb, but she had still been adamant to get you your first doze of Vitamin D in months.

She had dressed you, washed and combed your hair, fed you, and was now pulling you around, bouncing from photos to photos. When she finally let go off of your hand and excused herself to greet a friend, you stayed rooted on your spot, in front of a photograph of a ship.

You had been staring at the photograph, not necessarily looking, when a nervous tap on your shoulder brought you back to Earth.

When you turned, you had your heart in your mouth, for in front of you, awkwardly stood someone who caused your numbness to fade and you to feel after so many months.

Tom’s brother.

He had mumbled something but you could barely hear.

Did Tom send him here?

No, that was ludicrous, and you almost slapped yourself for thinking like that.

Tom would never even bring your name up in front of his family, let alone send his brother to ask you to come back.

God, why were you even thinking this?

Ever so gently, desperation grabbed your heart with its dainty fingers and you let it silently dictate your features.

Maybe you could…

“I’m sorry, I was kind of lost. Did you say something?” you gave him an innocent smile.

“Uh nothing, it was just- I was- just- I had wanted to say hello,” he offered his hand again.

“I’m Sam.”

***

You were humming as you baked, trying to bury the guilt that had bubbled in your chest. Your cookies, freshly out of the oven, smelled delectable. Your best friend would have loved them if she were here.

Your phone, still on silent, buzzed with the 34th missed call, quickly followed by the 16th message of the day.

You caught sight of the text bubble as your screen lit up.

“Y/N, please, please just call me, okay? I know you will. I have be…”

Your cookies looked perfect but your mouth suddenly tasted bitter, and you dumped all your freshly baked cookies in the bin.

Another text appeared.

“Please just tell me why you feel we shouldn’t be together. is it because of Tom? cuz if it is then I’m willi-…”

You started to violently bang the tray against the bin, ensuring that even the last of the crumbs fell.

Sam loved you earnestly and you broke him viciously.

You gingerly lay the empty tray on the counter.

Oh well. You can always bake another batch.

P.S. I’m sorry it’s not memes.

——— Ok, just you came to the right place, I’m a sucker for angst and I LOVE to hate Douchebag!Tom ok?? Your English is fine,no spelling errors from what I can tell and your grammar is 👌👌👌. Annnyways, I think you should really start an account, and if you did, I would be the FIRST to follow. I need a second part, I’m eager to know what happens next. When you make a part two, PLEASE TAG ME. holy shit I love this so much, thank you for submitting this to me. I love you and please message me off anon so I can follow you tbh.

#Tom Holland #Sam Holland #not mine #submission

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trinkets-and-spirits · 7 years ago

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Gettin’ to Know Me. 😉

Rules: Tag 5 witches you wish to get to know better. Repost—do not reblog.

How old are you? — 16. Whoa, shocking, right?

What do you go by? — Free, or Eph. I’m cool with either one.

How long have you been practising witchcraft? — I started practising witchcraft in February 2017, so a little under one year. However, I’ve been a strong believer of the Pagan Paths for a little while longer; as I’ve been following Norse Paganism since March 2016, but I’ve only recently started witchcraft. c:

What type of witchcraft do you specialise in? — Hmm, I’d probably say Hedge Witchcraft & Divination; as my path was built up onto the Hedge after I kept experiencing over-exposure to the other side, and I wanted to learn how to keep myself from being scared upon waking up & seeing the dead in my room. And divination, I’ve always been the sort to experience very specific Deja vu whilst asleep or lost in thought; but I never remembered it until doing the act, as any sorta typical Deja vu moment would do, until I had a very specific thought about one of my best friends—and low & behold, she experienced the thought detail for detail only a week or two later. So! Instead of freaking out alone, I took it upon myself to learn the beautiful art of divination; specifically dream & tarot. c:

What aspect of witchcraft are you best at? — Well, as stated above; I have an uncanny amount of luck with Hedge Witchcraft & Divination. However, I’ve noticed that I’m specifically fortunate with blessings; sigils; and warding magick. Crystals and anything to do with accent herbs or plants, too. I dunno, honestly.

What is a big goal you are working towards/have already achieved? — Hmm, I guess my big goal is to learn as much about witchcraft and the different paths that I can; for personal benefit, and to help teach others about the craft. And I’m not being specific about new/baby witchlings out there; I want to be able to express knowledge to those who are a little bit sceptical, or towards those who downright hate on witchcraft & practitioners, due to the old stories of Salem. Not that I believe that my word alone will change their frightened minds, but still! I’d love to learn all about witchcraft, because I find it interesting; and want to. c:

Who do you worship? If you worship anyone at all? — Well, I follow Norse & Celtic Paganism; though I do happen to follow Norse Paganism, predominantly, and I do believe in each & every single God/Goddess/Other of both religions. However, I tend to sit beneath Loki’s Hearth; and focus & follow on his teaching.

What’s your aesthetic? — Nature; trees, forest wildlife, owls, mountains, lakes. Although I’m a big fan of cemeteries & graveyards, too! I love reblogging scenes from cemeteries, or of singular graves in a beautiful scenery, or something! :3

What are some of your favourite smells? — Hmm...I really love the smell of firewood being burnt; or coal fires; or log burners. It just has one of those smells to it that makes me feel all happy & cosy, and I love passing by fields where the farmers are burning wood, or houses where someone has a fire going. Like yas.

Do you collect anything? — Jars, books, crystals, jewellery, owl ornaments, and plants. Although! I’ve recently started working on building a bone collection, for different practises that I have yet to dabble with directly, because...bones! c:

What are your favourite tools of witchcraft? — Crystals, tarot cards, sigils, and herbs. Sea salt mixed with some water is also a favourite, and incense! c:

What’s a non-witchcraft pet peeve of yours? — Noisy eaters, or people moving my shit two inches to the side. Like, you’re ruining my aesthetic, stop it. Or, people who are just loud for no fucking reason; which makes it difficult to live in a bungalow with my mother...because she does all of these things. -_-

What’s a witchcraft pet peeve? — Well, I know I’m gonna get a lot of hate for this one: but I really hate the witches who try to make white witches feel like scum, in comparison to POC witches. I’m not talking about the witches who try to give everyone a fair chance to be recognised; and that book document going about where only POC witches are allowed to add their spells? I think that’s gr8. However, there’re certain witches on this site who behave as though white witches should be throwing down their hats, and proclaiming they’re bad people; specifically because of their skin tone—not because of anything they have very specific control over, like an argument that took a turn b/c they chose to let it. :/

Like, I’m sorry to all those tumblr witches who think that white people should be treated like scum, because our ancestors (and present assholes) treated POC like scum; but I don’t agree with you. And I’m not a straight white cis girl who is racist & privileged, so the fuck outta here with those anon hate comments; I’m fully for #BlackLivesMatter & the support for POC that has been rocketing recently, but I just don’t agree with the treatment that y’all are giving white folk. I mean, I’ve seen literal posts where witches are demanding that their followers don’t buy from small businesses (such as those on Etsy, etc.) if they’re run by white people, because “POC are more important.” Like sure, Barbara; but deliberately attempting to ruin people’s passions? That’s not a way to help the movement for equality go forwards; it’s discriminative in it’s own way, ya walnut.

Sorry, I went off on a rant. xD But might as well be detailed, so that I have something to reference, when all of the haters come & claim that I was shoving my opinion down their throats. I hope I was respectful as possible with my opinion, bc I honestly know that a lot of witches I follow are cool beans about white people & such; or at least don’t flat out try to run people outta business, and I really just wanted to state my opinion that my biggest pet peeves are the witches who try to ruin lives and slap “POC” onto it to make it seem justified. c:

Good advice not relating to witchcraft that you can give? — Okay, so there’s this Welsh folktale that I’ve been told since I was a little girl; called Gelert. It’s a very fascinating story, and I would recommend anyone to go read it, tbh. Anyway, it’s a story about this loyal dog to the Prince Llewellyn; who protects the Prince’s baby from a wolf that has been terrorising the countryside for the past couple of months, whilst his beloved owner is out hunting for the same creature. Llewellyn returns; and sees the room of his baby destroyed, blood on the blanket that had been in the crib, the baby missing—and Gelert laying on the floor, soaked with blood. Immediately, Llewellyn loses his shit & decapitates Gelert, without taking a moment to look around; and then...he hears his baby crying. He rounds the side of the tipped over crib, and finds his kid; and the body of a wolf mangled to pieces, and Llewellyn realises his mistake of decapitating Gelert, but now it’s too late, and his mistakes haunt him for the rest of his days. He buried his most trustworthy companion, and placed a stone on his grave, and blah blah.

Anyway, my advice is to keep a level head in situations that you might find emotionally distressful. Don’t act on your first emotion, because you might end up causing more hurt than relief. Look at the situation; look at every possible angle, and once you’ve done that, make a decision that will benefit everyone. c:

Do you have any good advice pertaining to witchcraft that you can give?— Not really. The only advice I can hand is to question everything; never give up on researching things, even if you stumble across a blog that seems to be legit AF with their fancy spells & recipes, always double check; always triple check; check until you’re 100% certain that the magic you’re thinking of performing isn’t harmful towards you or your surroundings. Also, don’t allow others to declare to you what makes a real witch, or any of that shit; we’re all individuals—so own it.

Do you have a familiar? — Yes, I do! n w n My deceased cat was my beloved familiar when he was alive, and it would seem that he’s not straying too far into the afterlife, as he is often with me in both energies & spirit; I’ve bumped into him on the other side, too. He’s such a brilliant cat, and I’m so blessed to have him as my familiar; he’s always there for me, and offers me guidance & protection. c:

Altar? — Not yet! Since I recently moved from my old house, I had to take down the starts of my altar back there, and I haven’t had time to start building it up. ; - ; However, I’m planning to start building it up over the Christmas break, because I feel unsettled without a visible representation of my worship in my bedroom. :c

I was tagged by @insert-a-catchy-name-here — thank you for tagging me, dear!

In turn, I’ll tag the following people — @lunaesteria, @eyeliner-of-cups, @orriculum, @onyxmagik, and @maddiviner...because y’all are honestly the only blog names I remember straight off the top of my head. xD Plus, I do wanna see this lil tag catch on, because I think it’s pretty sweet. c: x

#witchcraft #get to know me #get to know the witch #somewhat personal #there's an unpopular opinion thrown in there somewhere #you have been warned

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adampage · 7 years ago

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Hold This Flower | Dean Ambrose

Pairing: Dean Ambrose x Reader, Roman x Galina mention

“Hey there ! I was just wondering if I could request imagine with a plus size reader ? Maybe something where she was the female member of the shield and [Dean and her] had a romance storyline that carried on after the [Shield] breakup and they’re also dating in real life as well ? Just a bunch of fluff. If not, I’m sorry to disturb you at this late hour.” - anon

Word Count: 4,298

Warnings: Literally none I think??? Fluffy as all heck

Author’s Note: I’m taking requests! Honestly, not gonna lie, I’m a little worried with how the anon will like this one because I saw that someone requested a very similar prompt to someone else and I’m worried the anon couldn’t wait for my slow ass :( Anyway, I personally like how this one turned out so please let me know??? Thank y’all sooooo much <3

Tagging: @llowkeys / @we-work-hard / @p0tat0catofwesteros / @toosweetme / @blondekel77 / @welshwitch5 / @alexahood21 / @the-geekgoddes / @xxmaddhatter39xx / @sjwrites22 / @crowleysqueenofhell / @xstylesxclashx / @justrae9903 / @hardcorewwetrash / @helluvawriter / @wrasslin-x / @roman-reigns-princess / @reigns420 / @athoughtfulmindwrites / @wrestlingbabe / @heyambrose / @straight-outta-the-asylum / @idekwhatthisis / @mewsburger

“Don’t tell him I told you.” “Roman, when have I ever told a secret?” “Literally all the time.” You laughed, burning with embarrassment. “Okay, you’re right.” “I’m serious, [Y/N]. Don’t even hint that you know. He’ll kill me.” You looked at Roman, sitting next to you. “I’m not gonna-” “Shh,” he hushed, “don’t look at me. What if he comes through and sees us talkin’?” You couldn’t help it. You giggled, slapped his arm. “Are you telling me Big Bad Roman is afraid of my soon-to-be-”

“Shh, put your head down, there he is,” Roman hissed, grabbing his plate of unfinished steak, potatoes, and salad and making to leave. Sure enough, there was Dean, hands taped and ready for his match, walking towards them. It had been a blessing, having Dean back on Raw. After the Shield break up two years back and the draft last year, you and Seth and Roman had all ended up on the same Raw roster. You’d been heartbroken, when you found out, but Dean assured you that he wouldn’t let that separate the both of you. “Just keep that bastard Seth at an arm’s length, okay?” He’d said with a wink. The break up might have been the betrayal of the century for the WWE universe, but for the four of you, it was nothing but creative’s latest storyline. Still, you had to hand it to creative, as well as Vince. Vince had noticed the on-screen chemistry between you and Dean, and told creative to book a romance. It went along with his plan, anyway. Had your chemistry not been noticed, it would’ve still been three against one by the time of the break up. They wanted to set Seth as the worst person imaginable, and it just so happened that stabbing his brothers in the back was nothing compared to clapping his real life sister in the back with a steel chair. “Hey, Dean!” Roman smiled nervously, nearly gone. Dean held a hand out in front of him, stopping Roman dead in his tracks. “Why you leavin’ so soon, brother? I just got here.” Roman swallowed a gulp, flashed Deano a brilliant smile. “Gotta get ready for that match against Braun. You know how it is.” “That I do, brother, that I do.” He dropped his hand to let Roman pass, and turned his attention to you. He sat down in Roman’s recently vacated chair, legs spread apart, one arm draped on the back of your own chair. “What was that all about?” Dean asked, ever in character. Nothing slipped past the ol’ lunatic fringe. His mind moved way too quickly for that. Luckily, you were quicker. “My match with Nia. I asked him for advice. He bounced when he saw you because he knows how you feel about me asking anyone else for ring advice.” He shot me a confused look. “I’m not that bad, am I? Looked like Roman saw a ghost.” You feigned thinking about it, looking up at the ceiling, then back at him. “No, you’re pretty bad.” You reached for his face, scratching at his beard. His eyes fluttered closed, reveling in the feeling of your soft skin. One of his hands grazed your body, squeezing those parts of you that you tended to dislike. “You know I don’t like when you do that to my fat.” His eyes opened. “We’ve been through this, baby.” “I know, but-” “Does it feel good?” “Yes, but-” “Then you like it. What you don’t like is that you’re bigger than the average woman, but you know that doesn’t bother me.” A hand touched your cheek. “It’s actually one of the things I love most about you. There’s more of you to love. And I plan on loving every goddamn inch of you.” It was enticing. There was a growl in his voice you only heard when he was filled with lust for you, but he wasn’t making any definitive moves. Plus, you had a match. “[Y/N]! Backstage in five minutes!” As if on cue, one of the backstage hands called out. Dean’s light blue eyes shined with love, head nodding in the direction of the assistant. “Go on, baby. Kick that ass.” “I’m losing this one.” “All the more reason why you should kick that ass.” A woman’s shout from outside the catering room. “I heard that, Dean!” Nia. You stifled a giggle, your boyfriend smirking in Nia’s direction. “Damn right ya did!”

9 DAYS LATER You were due for a few days off. On screen injury from Nia and that Little Miss Bitch ambushing you during your match against Emma. Okay, and it was Christmas. Dean wasn’t about to let those few days pass without making sure he got to spend time with you, so you figured this was probably it. The Day. You were taking a flight home with Seth. Dean was going to be meeting the both of you in Iowa, at your parents’ house. You shook your head. This situation screamed Big Deal, even if Roman hadn’t warned you about it. Every minute on the plane at Seth’s side was making you more and more nervous. Seth hadn’t spoken the entire flight. But you did your best to stay busy; after all, three hours was too long to be bored. You silently thanked the universe for remembering to bring your iPad and headphones, drowning out the silence between the two of you with some Five Finger Death Punch. Because angst. Obviously, “I Apologize” was on repeat. It was the song you imagined played in the background of a shield reunion promo. But of course that would never happen. Roman was doing too well on his own for Vince to jeopardize that with a reunion, and you understood that perfectly. “Hey, sis?” You almost didn’t hear it. But you had seen him shuffle in his seat, and you knew that something was wrong. Seth slept like a bear on most flights. You took both headphones out, all too eager to break this tension. “Yeah?” He looked at his feet, struggling to find the words. Your hand reached out to him, hand covering his own. “You know that…Dean’s gonna…” “I know.” “How did you…?” His voice drifted away, thinking. You let him, because the answer was simple. “Fucking Roman,” he realized. “Yeah, Roman. But you aren’t really that much of a secret keeper, either. Or were you not just about to tell me, too?” Seth sighed, caught. “Yeah, I was.” He was quiet again. You were about to check if he’d drifted off to sleep, when he spoke. “Listen, I’m ecstatic for you. I honestly never imagined that your relationship with Dean would amount to this.” You raised an eyebrow, wondering if you should be offended. “That’s not what I mean,” he said. He let out a sigh, mustering up the right words for what he was about to say. “You and I both know that everyone on the roster knows about my relationships with women.” “If you can call them relationships,” You quipped. “Exactly. And everyone thinks I’m the only one with a history like that. But Dean used to be the same. That’s why, early on in your relationship, I was worried. But I never said anything, because you were happy.” “I guess what I’m saying is, that if he ever does anything to treat you wrong, I’m here. I’ll kick his ass all the way back to Cincinnati if I have to, if it’s what you want. I won’t let him hurt you.” You stared at him, tears pooling at the corners of your eyes. “Seth…” “Fuck, oh, shit, sis…don’t start that crying shit,” he griped, hand pulling out from under yours, “you know that crying shit makes me uncomfortable.” You slapped him on the arm. “You fucking asshole,” you whined. “You knew that would make me cry.” “That’s why I didn’t want to fucking say it.” “But you did, and it was beautiful.” “Don’t start that shit, oh my God.” “Give me a hug, Seth,” you cried. “No, what? Don’t get near me.” “Please?” He was halfway off his seat, keeping the distance between the two of you at its max. “Absolutely not.” “Come on.” He looked at you, mascara sliding down your face, eyes red and puffy. But happy. You were happy, and he saw that. So he couldn’t say no. “Ugh, fine.”

The rest of the flight was uneventful, and the both of you made it to your parents’ place in one piece. You wrapped your blue scarf tightly around your neck, pulled your jacket closer against you. It was freezing. You grabbed your suitcase and left Seth to pay the driver. Mom had the door open before you could even knock. “Sweetheart!” “Merry Christmas, Mom!” You wrapped her in a warm embrace. “Merry Christmas to you, too, honey. Go on, your father’s in the living room. Oh, Seth!” She reached for her beloved son, paying no more mind to you, her daughter. You rolled your eyes, dropping off your suitcase by the stairs. “Happy holidays, Ma.” “Oh, that’s right. The non-believer,” Mom said jokingly. “Mom,” you chastised, saving your brother from torture. “Be nice.” “Okay, okay….are you hungry? There’s leftovers in the fridge if you want some.” “Good, I’m starved.” He said, rubbing at his tummy. She led him by the hand to the kitchen, and you smiled. “Catering can’t beat your cooking.” He was a momma’s boy through and through, that one. You heard laughter coming from the living room. It sounded like two voices. One deep, one mellow. You traipsed through the doorway yelling, “Dad! I’m home!” before you stopped short, catching that flair of ginger, those dazzling eyes. “Dean?” you gasped. He had told you his flight was delayed, that he wouldn’t be there for another couple hours or so. “Hey, babe. Your dad and I were just talkin’ about the day you were born.” “Yeah, a chubby lil’ thing,” Dad grunted, remembering the day well. “I’d never thought you’d grow into the big, strong woman you are now.” “Papi!” You plopped down next to him on the couch before he could stand, squeezing him tightly. “Hola, mijita. How’s my little girl?” “I’m great, pa, now that all three of my boys are here, together.” Dean let out a few light chuckles. “Don’t let Roman hear you say that. You’ll break his heart.”

After spending quite some time in the living room with your mom, dad, Seth, and Dean (consisting heavily of nagging from your mother and saving Seth from interrogation, starting with “So, Seth, honey, how’s your love life going? Am I going to be expecting some grandchildren anytime soon from any of your lovers?” and ending with “How are you going to find yourself a good, loving relationship with a woman if you don’t have a good, loving relationship with God?”), Mom and Dad retired to bed, your dad claiming to be exhausted from second-hand nagging, and your mother just tired of her heathen spawn (a lie, of course, she loved both of you know matter what). Seth chuckled, shaking his head. “Is it like this every time you come home?” Dean asked, clearly amused at the mother-son dynamic. You were sitting on his lap, sinking both of you deeper and deeper into the soft couch, but Dean didn’t seem to mind. His hands held you cozily, one hand on your outer thigh, the other wrapped around and tucked into your under arm. He claimed he liked your warmth. “Just at Christmas. Otherwise, I have free reign.” You conversed back and forth for a while, all of you entranced with the conversation of, “So what are we going to do come January? What are the storylines going to look like?” It was safe to say all of you were workaholics. There was something strange about being home, as if home was really somewhere else, on the road, with the rest of the crew. Five years ago, that would have been abhorrent to think about - not having a true home. But it took you that long to realize your home was anywhere Dean and Seth were. Roman, too. Just then, you heard Roman’s all too familiar voice from somewhere beneath you. “You can Believe That!™” Dean didn’t flinch or jump, but something in his voice sounded a little shaken. “What the hell?” You laughed, the look on Dean and Seth’s faces completely priceless. “That’s Roman’s text tone on my phone. I made him record it a couple weeks ago.” “That’s the….most terrible thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” Seth griped at you, pushing his glasses back up his nose. “You can practically hear the trademark in his voice.” “He’s right, that sounds terrible.” “Don’t be mean to Roman! It was my idea anyway. I forced him into it,” you slapped Dean on the arm, reached behind you to see what Roman sent, making sure to keep the screen away from Dean’s eyes. [So?] You quickly sent back, [Not yet. Shush.] You hoped he’d realize that he shouldn’t send any more messages. When you heard his trademark again, you nearly broke down in anger, but were surprised to find a picture of Roman and Galina in Cancun, the beautiful bright blue water shining behind them. He was kissing her cheek, and you could see the blush lightly shading her gorgeous brown skin. “What’s he saying?” You silently thanked Roman for not listening to your text, ultimately giving you some back up evidence in case Dean asked. And he had. You showed him the picture of Galina and Roman. “Aren’t they adorable?” “Yeah. They look so happy. Good for them.” You handed the phone to Seth. “They’re so precious.” “I wouldn’t say Roman is precious.” “Ugh, whatever!” Seth handed the phone back, and made to stand. He stretched his arms, his black haired happy trail visible for a moment. “Well,” he groaned, “I’m gonna hit the sack. Maybe play some videogames before I go to sleep. You need anything, Dean, clothes or anything, just let me know.” “Thanks, brother. Good night.”

“You wanna go for a walk with me?” Dean asked, squeezing you tightly. Sometimes it really struck you how different Dean could be from the man he played in the ring. Sure, there were some truths to his character - the impulsive nature, the (for the most part) no-care attitude…but there were a lot of traits he possessed that no one ever got to see, and would be surprised to find out about him. He was very sweet, and very touchy. He loved to keep his hands on you in every moment, whether it was a thumb pressed against your side or a hand on your thigh. You weren’t nearly as touchy, which you considered a side effect of never being touched. Your parents were only semi-affectionate in the touch department, hugs in welcome and kisses good night. And your infrequent experience with men didn’t help, either. But all of that was okay. All that time lacking personal affection made his touch all the more welcome. His touch was the only touch that really, truly, made you feel safe. But his touch wasn’t going to keep you warm outside, unfortunately. “Dean, it’s in the twenties. That’s below freezing. Have you forgotten the snow on the ground?” “So?” he shrugged, “it’ll be fun.” You both sat there in silence, mulling it over. You could hear him humming softly, awaiting your response. His cheek vibrated beneath yours as he did so, and you grinned. It was only then that you realized he was humming silently the chorus to Bad Touch. You and me, baby, we’re nothing but mammals

So let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel Repeatedly. For no reason. “Okay,” you laughed, “if only to get you to stop humming that song.” “It’s so catchy.” “Exactly. I don’t want to catch it.” “Alright, baby, up you get,” Dean said, patting your thighs, signaling for you to get off him. You stood, turned back to grab his hand and help him up from his sunken position in the couch. “You’re really stuck in there, aren’t you?” He grunted, “I had about 243 pounds of love on top of me.” “Have you been stalking my Wikipedia page?” You pulled on him, hard. He popped out of the couch and rammed into you, nearly knocking the both of you backwards. “Whoops,” he muttered, hands gently resting at your waist, quick to benefit from the blunder. “And no, I haven’t. I do watch women’s matches, you know. Especially yours. I know how they bill you.” “And do you know my actual weight?” His proud smile dropped in confusion. “You mean that’s not your weight?” “It was. Now it’s not.” “You got me.” He gave you a kiss on the nose. “I have no clue what your actual weight is.” “Two forty. I lost three pounds last week.” “Now why’d you go and do that for?” “Because I wanted them to bill me with an even number,” you laughed. “Baby, that’s three pounds less of you to love.” He sighed dramatically. “But if it makes you happy, it makes me happy. I’m proud of you.” “Thanks, Dean.” “So will you take that walk with me?” “Of course I will.”

Whoever thought hell was a burning pit of fire had never seen ice. The field that your parents called their backyard glistened with snow. The trees bordering the field were a good acre away at least, and the driveway in front was already being blanketed with tiny little snowflakes. It was fucking freezing, the wind was quietly howling in your ears, and Dean’s body was as cold as your own. It was a good day to die together, you mused. “Dean, why did you talk me into this?” You seethed through chattering teeth. “I have no earthly idea,” he trembled, hands holding one of your own close to his chest as y'all walked. You were glad of it. It was easing the cold, if but a fraction. “But I’m starting to regret it. Come on, we can take shelter in the barn.” “Dean, I don’t think that’s-” But he was gone, in the blink of an eye he had crossed the distance from you to the barn, cold hands rubbing together; he blew on them to melt his frozen fingers, and opened the barn door just a smidge. He slithered in, careful not to open it too far or else he’d let in too much of the cold. He’d regret that, too. That barn was always a mess. You stood there in the snow, speechless. You were amazed at his impulsive nature, and how very quickly he left you out in the cold by yourself. “He just-?” you muttered, flabbergasted. You shook your head, and continued the walk to the barn, cursing silently at him but also finding his behavior extremely funny. His head popped out suddenly from the crack of the barn door. “Come on, babe, what gives?” “Oh, I’ll fucking show you what gives.” More grumbling from you, followed by rubbing of your arms as you reached the door. “Fucking left me out in the damn-” You shut up as soon as you saw the scene before you, straight out of a teen fairytale. Twinkling fairy lights strung across the ceiling. And it was clean. Even the horses in their stables smelled like flowers, and there were a great deal of flowers. They covered every inch of the barn, from the floor to the top, the hay bales on the loft nearly invisible under the coat of white and purple roses. Every piece of farming equipment was mounted and stored at one corner of the barn, out of mind and spotless. And Dean: mouth closed, lips curled at one end in a crooked smile. A red rose in his hand, trembling slightly. Ocean blue eyes bright with hope. “Dean?” He stepped close, handed you the rose. “Hold this flower.” You giggled, accepting it, in awe at the way he presented it to you. You were very confused. Sure, you knew what was happening, but you were amazed at how. The shock of the beauty surrounding you had you thinking. He planned this out, all right. He planned this out well. He had help, and lots of it. And this was so un-Dean. “Ya like it?” He asked, nonchalant as ever. Only the trembling in his left hand gave away his true feelings. He caught you staring at it, and he buried it in the pocket of his jeans, taking a step back from you. “It’s beautiful,” you sighed, taking a whiff of the dazzling rose. It smelled fresh, crisper than the scent of cold. You made to take a step closer to him, but he stopped you, holding out a palm. “No, just stand right there.” You did as he commanded, waiting patiently. He ran a hand through his hair, dropped it to scratch at his beard. You wondered what he was going to say. “Look, you’re probably wondering what all this is.” You nodded, silent. “I planned this out. With your mom and dad. Strange, I know,” he chuckled. “I’m not usually the kind of guy with a plan. I’m that guy with the impulse, the kinda guy who changes his mind once, twice, three times in the span of five minutes.” “But this took me weeks to plan, and I did it. All of it. For you.” By then you were on the verge of crying. You did your best not to, but you drew your eyes to the ground, shying away from his words. He took a step closer, and stopped himself. “Stay with me, babe. Show me those beautiful eyes. I need you to listen to me. Please.” You nodded, looking back up to him, doing your best to hold back your tears. “[Y/N], I planned this out for you because I wanted to prove to you that you are not some impulse. I’ve thought about it, for weeks, months even. All that time apart, you and Seth and Roman on Raw and me on Smackdown, I thought about it.” He sighed, but not a sigh of resignation…but one of love. “I love you. I love you so much. I love every little bit of you. I love your laugh. Your eyes. That you can’t keep a secret worth a damn. Your dimples. The small freckles that litter your body. Your humor. Your tummy fat. Your hip fat. The way your arm jiggles when I poke it. Your gorgeous, chubby cheeks. Your plump ass. No, don’t stop me now, I’m almost done,” he held his hand up again, stopping you from your wordless protests. “I love every single bit of you and I promise you, though you may not love it yourself, I’ll love you enough for the both of us.” A shudder of breath escaped your lips, still unable to grasp the reality of the situation. He stepped closer, dropped down on one knee. His hands fumbled at his jacket pocket, took out the small, navy velvet box. “I know that I won’t always be the best person. I’m an impulsive, belligerent, don’t-give-a-damn kind of fool.” His fingers opened the box, revealing a small diamond on a simple silver band, absolutely perfect. “But I promise I will make you laugh every day for the rest of our lives, if you’ll let me.” “I guess what I’m trying to say is, will you marry me?” You couldn’t choke back the tears any longer. You dropped down to look Dean in the eyes and nodded desperately, a silent yes all he needed in order to wrap his arms around you and kiss you on the forehead, rubbing his nose against yours. “For all intents and purposes, that was a yes, right?” He asked. “Of course, you asshole,” you cried, not wanting to let him go. You could feel him chuckling against you, before his head lifted away from you and he shouted in the direction of the barn door. “Come on in, everybody!” Seth came in first, black beanie covering his ears from the cold, jacket wrapped tight against him. “It’s about fucking time, goddamn it.” “You know, for someone who doesn’t believe in God, you sure like to invoke his wrath a whole lot more than the average person.” “Ma, please.” “Honey, leave him alone,” Dad appeared behind his wife and son, “this isn’t about him. This is about my baby girl.” His arms reached for you as you stood up to embrace him, the strong scent of his cologne filling your nostrils. The road might be home, but your old man never failed to make you feel welcome. “Heya, Papi.” “Congratulations, mijita.” He let you go, and held out a hand to his son-to-be. “And congratulations to you, too, Dean. You better take care of her.” “I will, sir.” “I mean it. I may not be as young as I used to be, and I’m not a wrestler by any means, but I can still kick your ass.” Behind them, you could hear the sound of Seth’s laughter at his stepdad’s words as your mother embraced you. “He’s not bluffing,” Seth stated. “I believe you, Mr. Lopez.” “Damn right ya do.” In all the excitement, you hadn’t realized that your phone was buzzing in your back pocket, the sound of Roman’s voice once again floating to your ears. [So did he propose yet or what?] You weren’t so lucky this time around. “Roman told you?” Oh, fuck.

#Dean ambrose #Dean ambrose imagine #wwe #wwe imagine #dean ambrose fluff #roman reigns #seth rollins #text #my fics #mine

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prinanalogicality · 8 years ago

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So heres a thought/prompt based on the song doubt by 21 pilots. Anxiety doubts that prince couldn't love someone like him. So, he tries to push prince away. They leave each others presence. Anxiety has an angst session alone. Prince finds out what Anxiety is trying to do (maybe through morality), and goes back and it can either end in fluff or bittersweet angst. idk. Just a suggestion.

Title: Doubt

Creative title, wow. Anyway, thank you so much for the idea anon! I love it when people send me ideas. I live for angst, so let’s get going, shall we? Also, twenty one pilots is one of my favorite bands, so yes yes yes I will write this, I will cry, and I will be pleased.

Check the tags below for trigger warnings.

AO3 link here.

Pairing: Prinxiety. This will be angsty. If you do not like reading angsty themed things, I suggest you steer clear, my dudes.

Anxiety looks at his reflection in the mirror, a firm frown set on his lips. The bags under his eyes have gotten so dark that he hardly needs the eyeshadow anymore, yet he puts it on to keep anyone from seeing that there is a real problem. It is about 3 a.m., and despite that, Anxiety hasn’t had a wink of sleep. Roman is still in bed, Anxiety’s bed, sleeping soundly, oblivious to the fact that his boyfriend is still awake. Anxiety swears that Roman seems to relax and sleep more soundly when he isn’t in the bed with him.

Running a hand through his messy, tangled fringe, Anxiety breathes out a huff and turns away from the mirror in favor of leaning against the sink, locked away in the bathroom. He can hardly face the royal anymore. Every kiss, every hug, every look, every smile. It all feels like lies. There is no way Roman genuinely loves Anxiety. In the beginning of their relationship, they were very active with their intimacy, but the last time they were even remotely intimate was three weeks ago. Roman must be losing his interest in the relationship. They’ve been together for almost nine months now, well past the mark where a relationship is still considered new and fresh. The novelty is fading. It is time for Roman to find a new conquest.

Anxiety feels a burning behind his eyes and curses, curling his fingers into fists, nails biting into his palms and banging the side of the counter as he makes the conscious effort to keep back tears. He refuses to cry over this. He should have known from the start that what he had with Roman was expendable. It wasn’t meant to last. Nothing ever is, except maybe the negativity that is ingrained into Anxiety’s very being. This is what he is, he is an embodiment of negativity that gives negativity and nothing but.

The sound of light footsteps and a quiet knock on the door makes his blood run cold, in which he chews on his lower lip, weighing out what he should do. He knew he cursed too loud, he must have woken someone up- more than likely Morality. The man is the lightest sleeper to ever exist, and he sleeps with his door open. He considers it a precautionary measure, in case any of the other sides need him. He must have heard Anxiety’s cursing and came to the rescue. The sound of a paperclip hitting the ground could probably wake him up.

With a shake of his head, Anxiety slowly opens the door, in fact seeing Morality standing on the other side. The man looks sleepy, rubbing at his eyes beneath his glasses with one hand, yawning. Anxiety instantly feels a pang of guilt at having woken up the male, in which he averts his gaze and stares down at his sock-clad feet, his toes digging into the tiles of the bathroom floor.

“Ann? Are you all right, kiddo?” Morality asks, his voice slightly slurred with sleep. “What time is it?” The concern of the other makes warmth threaten to creep into Anxiety’s chest, but he quickly stifles it. He should feel bad about waking Morality up.

“I’m fine. Sorry for waking you, Mor. Go back to bed. It’s like… three? I don’t know.” Anxiety makes a conscious effort to keep his voice controlled, but despite his effort, Morality obviously picks up that not everything is peachy keen. Anxiety can tell by the way Morality frowns, leaning against the door frame, arms slowly crossing over his chest.

“How about you come back to my room with me for a bit? We can chat there, no worries, right?” He invites Anxiety slowly, eyes peering over Anxiety’s entire being, trying to detect any sort of reaction from the male.

“I said I’m fine, yeah?”

“And I said let’s go back to my room. Come on, silly goose!” Morality speaks in a peppy tone and reaches out for Anxiety’s pajama sleeve, in which he tugs and Anxiety sighs, following Morality with reluctance. Once they are securely in Morality’s room, the male shuts the door and turns to face Anxiety, taking a seat on his bed. “Now, how about you tell dad what’s bothering you, huh?”

“I told you, nothing.”

Morality sighs, shaking his head. “You know full well that I can tell something is on your mind. Maybe I can help you out if you let me know?”

Anxiety looks down at his lap as he sits on the edge of the bed carefully, fingers fiddling with the ends of the sleeves of his pajama shirt. If he is to tell anyone about what it is that is bothering him, he supposes that Morality would be the person he would go to. Morality is so kind, and he offers productive advice when he can. “Promise me that you will not tell Roman, no matter what.”

Morality looks taken aback, but he nods nonetheless. “All right, son.”

“Do you think… no. I think - I know - there is no way he really… There’s no way he truly… wants me. Loves me. Not- me. I’m too, for lack of a better word, me.”

The admittance makes Anxiety frown, his hands shaking, neck itching. He chews on his lower lip, tugging at his sleeves- all while Morality watches, a solemn expression on his face.

“You really believe he doesn’t love you?”

“It’s not that I don’t trust him. I do… just. he can’t love me. Not me. I’m not someone who is loved. Who can be loved.”

Silence. Anxiety is met with silence, only further stressing out the male.

“Look, maybe I should just-”

“Anxiety, please look at me.”

It takes all Anxiety has to do as he is asked, and in turn he meets Morality’s eyes. They hold a sadness Anxiety has never seen from the man before. It hurts his heart to see.

“Roman adores you. We all do. Of course you deserve love, just like anyone else.” Morality reaches out for one of Anxiety’s hands, squeezing gently. “You are so important, Anxiety. You and Roman love each other, yeah?”

Anxiety looks over Morality’s sincere expression for a few moments before turning away, pulling his hand back and standing. “Thanks.” He mumbles, glancing in Morality’s direction. “Just- go to bed. I’m sorry for waking you.” He silently pads out of Morality’s room, heading back to his own bedroom. Roman is fast asleep still, arms open. He knows he shouldn’t, but Anxiety is selfish. He craves being close to Roman, being held by him. So, he lays in Roman’s open arms, and sighs shakily at the feeling of the embrace that comes quickly, hugging him close. He can revel in this feeling of completion for one more night, right?

“Why won’t you even look at me?” Roman huffs at his boyfriend, in which Anxiety is making a point to sit as far from Roman as possible on the sofa. “I wasn’t aware that we were fighting. What happened?”

“Nothing.” Anxiety answers simply, shrugging his shoulders. The two are sat on opposite sides of the sofa, Logan is in his room reading, and Morality is sat on the chair in the living room, watching the two interact, though he tries to hide his spying behind a newspaper.

“We would be cuddling if nothing was wrong. Talk to me, what’s going on with you, honeybee?” Roman turns to face Anxiety, scooting and reaching out for him. In turn, Anxiety presses himself against the opposite armrest, hiding his face against the sofa side.

“You should learn when to back off, Roman. I don’t want to talk.”

Anxiety can practically feel Roman’s hurt.

It is midnight. Anxiety hears a knock on his door and Roman requesting to come in, but he can’t bother to get up to answer it.

Eventually, footsteps can be heard walking away.

Morality watches from the sidelines as Anxiety’s fears tear his and Roman’s relationship apart. He watches as Roman desperately tries to talk to Anxiety, but Anxiety either leaves the room or blatantly ignores him. He watches as Roman soon stops trying to talk to Anxiety so often. He watches as what light Anxiety had in his eyes seems to fade. He watches as Roman becomes more short tempered and bitter.

He watches as they finally break off their relationship.

“Prince, seriously, you’re annoying the holy hell out of me. I don’t want to talk about anything, I don’t want to talk to you, why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Because you are my boyfriend! Anxiety, please, you won’t even call me by my name anymore. You’re pushing me away, I know you are. Can you even tell me why?”

“Maybe we shouldn’t date anymore if I have to deal with your interrogation. This is bull, honestly.”

Anxiety doesn’t know what to do. He always felt so alone, but after feeling what it is like to not be, losing the togetherness leaves a gaping hole in his chest, bigger than before. He doesn’t have Roman to turn to when the darkness closes in, when he is so overwhelmed by the fears that he embodies and they become a part of him and he lets go, hot tears pouring down his cheeks and his lungs burning for a full, non-hyperventilating breath. Nails claw at fabric and teeth dig into lips and it is all he has, all he can register in this cycle of fear he has been cast in, locked away in the darkness of his bedroom. He has no choice but to face it alone. He was never meant to be loved, he never will be. But something he was meant for was solitude.

The bags under Anxiety’s eyes make Roman’s chest physically ache. He knows there isn’t makeup there, the black beneath his beloved’s eyes are concrete indicators of his suffering. It concerns him that Anxiety doesn’t even care enough to put his makeup on anymore. All Roman wants to do is help, to try to fix things. He doesn’t know what he did to warrant Anxiety’s bitterness towards him, but he wants to do what he can to make Anxiety love him again. Anxiety is who he loves. He wants to hold him, guide him back to the light. Anxiety won’t let him.

But Morality will.

Morality must have noticed the changes in Anxiety’s demeanor as well. How quiet he has become, how little he has been fussing over Thomas, the messiness of his appearance that has reached an extreme. All of the sides are concerned. He made a promise, but sometimes promises cannot be kept. Morality chooses to speak to Roman. Roman needs to know.

“You can’t be mad at me, but - I made a promise. To Anxiety. And I mean, I know promises are meant to be kept and I always keep mine, but I really can’t keep this one anymore. “I was never supposed to tell you about this, but you need to know, I think.” Morality takes the time to clear his throat, eyes watering at the mere memory of what Anxiety had said. He wishes there was something he could do to help the darker trait feel better about himself. “He needs help. You know how he is, stubborn. He thinks of the worst in situations, but I know he’s been trying to get better about that. But he- he doesn’t feel like he really deserves to be… loved. Like how you love him. That’s what he told me, and I tried to tell him otherwise, but he doesn’t really listen…”

Roman is so upset that his love, his Sunshine, his beloved could think so lowly of himself that he isn’t upset with Morality for keeping his promise for so long.

There’s a knock at his door again. Anxiety has the desire to chuck something at it, but currently, he’s half asleep, between the brink of falling asleep into a blissful nap and waking up to address that darn door. But the knocking doesn’t stop this time, no matter how long Anxiety ignores it, to the point that eventually he huffs and stomps over to the door to open, glaring at the culprit.

He wasn’t expecting to see Roman standing there, holding an obnoxiously large bouquet of red roses.

Anxiety steps back to shut his door, but Roman is quick to step forward, looking at Anxiety with pleading eyes. “Let me show you.”

“Show me what?” Anxiety clears his throat, coughing into the crook of his arm awkwardly. He knows he must look awful. He feels embarrassed, looking the way he does while standing in front of a masterpiece like Roman. The man is perfect.

“Let me show you that I love you. That you deserve all of the love in the world, because you are so beautiful. So honest, so charming, so humorous, so caring. Please, Anxiety.” Roman’s voice is raw with emotion, so raw that Anxiety is taken aback, his cheeks pooling with warmth.

“What do you- what, did Morality-”

“You need help, Anxiety. And I know it must be difficult for you, but the three of us are here for you. I am so in love with you that just being apart from my beloved for these past few weeks has been paining me, I need you in my life again. I miss your little smiles, I miss how you would move in a way that would ask me to do certain things for you and I could just read you like a book, I miss your kisses, I miss holding your hand, I miss watching Disney movies with you and listening to you tell me about your silly dark theories. Please, let me love you. Let me teach you to love yourself.”

Anxiety can’t help but to laugh softly to himself after Roman’s speech, tears in his eyes, and Roman’s fingers tremble at the implications. Maybe Anxiety really wants him gone.

“Your romantic speeches will be the death of me. Enough of this feelings talk, just - come in, okay?”

Roman does so with a grin brighter than the sun, and as Anxiety replays the words Roman spoke in his mind, the slightest bit of warmth manages to find its way to his chest.

Maybe someone like him is allowed to be loved.

#prinxiety #prinxiety angst #prinxiety prompt fill #my fics #symptoms of depression #that wasn't intentional #i meant to show anxiety having an internal battle with himself but he comes off as depressed #happy ending #i might write a version with a sad ending bc why not #break up #get back together #mine

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meetmeatthecoda · 7 years ago

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#30 liz would be the obvious choice but I could see red doing this as well.

#30: “I was scared and I ran.” Well, anon, I went with the obvious choice. :) And I’m sorry this took so long, I had a hard time getting started, and I wanted this to be perfect and angsty and whatnot and it definitely is not perfect and I do think it’s angsty so I really hope you enjoy. :) Thank you for the prompt!

Liz knocks on theheavy oak door of Red’s latest safe house for the third time.

Nothing. Again.

She sighs, running ahand through her hair. She needs to talk to Red. And not about blacklisters orpretense or Tom but about them. As they are. Or as they used to be. Since shecame back from Cuba, things between her and Red have been… bad. Tense.Strained. Everyone has commented on it by this point and, while that wouldn’tnormally bother Liz, she has such an uneasy feeling inside whenever he won’tlook at her. Because he won’t. Not anymore. She knows it’s because they haven’tdiscussed her disastrous faked death and would-be vacation in Cuba. But Rednever stays in her presence long enough for her to say anything other than“Hello” and “Who’s our next blacklister?”. And perhapsthat’s by design but it simply can’t continue. Liz can’t take it. So she is determinedto make things right. And she’ll stand here all night if she has to.

She knocks for afourth time.

All of a sudden, shehears the dead bolt wrench back and the locks turn and the door opens to reveala carefully emotionless Red.

That’s odd. Shedidn’t hear any footsteps before the door opened. It’s almost as if he wasstanding behind the door waiting for her to leave.

Oh.

Yes, they need totalk.

Red is still standingin the doorway, staring blankly at her, apparently refusing to break thesilence. All right then.

“Hi,” Lizstarts, with a confidence she does not feel while Red is looking at her likethat. “May I come in? I think we need to talk.”

“About what? Itold you everything I know about number 102 at the Post Office today.” Hesays frostily.

“No, I know,it’s not about number 102.” She says. Why is her mouth so dry? “Ithink we should talk about us, Red. We have some serious issues that we haven’taddressed since… since I came back and people are starting to notice. I thinkwe should at least try to work things out.”

His expressionhardens. Wow, she didn’t think that was possible.

“Oh, so now you’re open to communication.”

“What’s thatsupposed to mean?” She’s trying desperately not to get defensive butthere’s something about this attitude of his that makes her want to raise herhackles and snarl.

“I think youknow what that means.” He says, coldly. “And now’s not a goodtime.”

And to her completesurprise and indignation, he begins to shut the door.

“What?Wait!”

Out of desperation, andbecause she can’t watch his face disappear behind that door, she just can’t,she quickly puts her foot out. The door collides painfully with her ankle butshe ignores it, determined to make him listen.

“Look, I knowyou’re upset with me but–”

“Oh, do you?Amazing!” He says, scathingly, starting to get angry now instead of justplain cold. Well, at least that’s some sort of emotion. She’ll take it.

“Hey! I can’tmake this right if you won’t talk to me!”

“Oh, so youthink you can still make this right. How charming.”

She blinks. What? Ishe serious? Every time she hurt him before, she would apologize or hint atremorse or sometimes just smile at him and he would just move on as if nothinghad happened. So why is this different? Sure, telling him he is a monster isn’tquite the same as faking her death but hurt is hurt, isn’t it? So why is heacting this way?

But finally he sighs,rolls his eyes, and let’s go of the door to cross his arms, looking for all theworld like a petulant little boy who doesn’t want to clean his room.

She hates this.

“But I supposeyou have a point.” he says begrudgingly. “We don’t want to make yourco-workers uncomfortable.”

Her co-workers? Sincewhen has Red cared about anybody at the Post Office besides her? What did shemiss while she was in Cuba?

“So, fine. Inthe interest of easing tensions, I’ll listen.”

And then he just standsthere and stares at her expectantly. She wonders vaguely if her mouth ishanging open. Has he always had these whiplash-inducing mood swings? No, surelynot. She would have noticed. But here he is, waiting for her to say something.

“Well?” hedemands.

“You want me tostart talking? Here?”

“Well, isn’tthat what you wanted?”

“I’m not goingto have this conversation on your doorstep!”

“Well perhaps Idon’t want to invite you in!”

“Well perhapsyou don’t but I’m not doing this with a door in between us. Either you come outhere or I’m going in there.”

They stare each otherdown for a tense minute, eyes assessing each other, blue piercing green andgreen glaring at blue.

Finally, withoutbreaking eye contact, Red moves slowly to the side, giving Liz just enough roomto squeeze past him and into the house.

But somehow, the movedoesn’t feel like acquiescence to Liz. It feels more like a warning. Thesewalls around Red are brand new and miles high. How is she supposed to scalethem?

Liz stops in theentrance hall, unsure where to go from there, not wanting to anger Red any morethan she already has. She wants this conversation to be as civil as possible.

“Turn right. Wecan talk in the kitchen.”

The kitchen. Wellthen. Civil might be a bit of a stretch.

Liz sighs.

She enters the clean,utilitarian kitchen, running a hand over the marble countertops before turningto lean against the counter and face Red.

Well. She might aswell be talking to the marble countertops. They certainly look more invitingthan Red does right now.

Liz takes a deepbreath. She had an idea of what she was going to say, didn’t she? She had aplan in the car on the way over here, didn’t she? So where did all her wordsgo? Her mind is blank, so she decides to just take the plunge.

“Okay, look, Iknow things weren’t easy for you when I was gone–”

Red’s eyes widen.

“Oh, you do? Youknow that? How, Lizzie? How could you know how it was for me when you were‘gone’, as you so eloquently put it? How could you know, since you were nodoubt sunbathing in Cuba waiting for your beloved Tom, reveling in a lifewithout me in it? How could you know? Howcould you?”

Now why did that lastquestion sound so different from all the others? They were the same words,after all. But there was so much more bitterness and betrayal in those wordsthan all the others. Why was that?

Liz stares at Red,trying desperately to read him as she was once able to, once again stunned bythe strength and depth of his animosity towards her.

She had known thatRed had hovered over her 'dead’ body in the back of the ambulance, so long thatMr. Kaplan and Dembe had had to plead with him to leave. Ressler had told herthat. She had known that he disappeared shortly after her 'death’, without aword to the team or Dembe. Samar had told her that. She had known that Redwasn’t going to come back to continue work on the blacklist after her ‘death’, Aramhad had to convince him. Aram had told her that.

They all had told herthese things in the briefest, most non-specific terms, looking at their shoes,quickly making excuses and hurrying off. She had been confused by theirbehavior at the time but she had been preoccupied with trying to find Agnes,thinking she would deal with it later. Perhaps the reason they hadn’t wanted toelaborate on Red’s actions after her death was because, could it be because–

“Red, I wasn’tenjoying my time away, all right? It wasn’t like that and–”

“Oh, really?Well, you could have fooled me, Elizabeth.”

Elizabeth. Elizabeth?When was the last time Red had called her Lizzie, anyway? It had been a while,hadn’t it? Not since before she left, wasn’t it? Did that mean, no itcouldn’t–

“Red, I wastrying to protect Agnes, that’s all, I didn’t think–”

Oh. Well, that wasthe wrong thing to say, wasn’t it? She watches as Red’s normally warm, greeneyes turn hard as flint, his mouth pinching and his jaw clenching.

Oh.

“See, that’s theproblem, Elizabeth, you didn’t think!”He’s yelling now, he’s never yelled at her before, why– “Or rather, youdid, and it was only about yourself! You thought how nice it would be to getaway from me, the monster, and go away with your beloved fake husband, notgiving one thought to how that would affect me! Well, guess what, it did affectme! Your death? Yes, it affected me, Elizabeth!”

“Red–”

“No!” heroars, slamming his hand on the counter, making the dishes rattle in thecabinet behind her head. She suddenly realizes she is literally backed into acorner in the kitchen of his safe house and there is no one else here.

She has never beenscared of Red before. She is now.

“No, you don’tget to talk!” he bellows, his voice strangely unsteady. And are his eyeswet? “Not now because what could you possibly say? Because your death? It ruinedme! It sucked me into a void and I almost didn’t make it out the other side!Your death? It almost killed me!”

The awful silencefollowing his words seems to push on her ears, making them ache. She aches allover. Oh, what has she done? She didn’t know it was like this, how could sheknow? What has she done to Red–

And to her horror,she sees a single tear fall from his shining eyes and down his cheek.

Oh. Oh, she’s hurthim. Oh, she’s hurt Red so badly. And she had no idea.

Oh, Red.

He swipes at the lonetear and turns away from her. Suddenly she is terrified that he’ll leave theroom, leave her, and her previously frozen limbs unlock, lurching forwardtowards him.

“Red…” shewhispers, reaching out and tentatively touching his arm.

He jerks away fromher touch.

Oh. Oh, no.

“Red,please.”

She hears him take adeep, shaky breath. Still facing away from her, he turns his headever-so-slightly to the side, seemingly indicating that he’s listening.

Or maybe not. Itcould be either. But she decides to assume he’s listening. Because he has to.How else can she fix this?

“Red…”

Oh, what can she say?Red’s right. What could she possibly say to make this better? She’s hurt him sodeeply and she only just realized and he knows that and somehow that makes itworse and what can she say?

Oh. Stupid Liz.

Because suddenly it’sso simple. What do you say when you’ve hurt someone? Just two words. Two simplewords and why didn’t she think of this before, stupid, stupid Liz?

“Red,” shewhispers, meaning her next words more than she’s ever meant anything,“Red, I’m sorry.”

Yes. That was what heneeded.

She actually sees thetension leave his shoulders and his head falls forward and he lets out ashuttering sigh and she sees more tears fall and they can’t have that, no, soshe’s rushing around to face him and she’s putting her arms around him and hishead falls to her shoulder and his arms wrap around her waist and he’s cryingbut everything feels better and–

Yes. This was whatthey needed.

“Red,” shemurmurs, the words coming so easily now. “Red, I’m so sorry. I didn’t meanto hurt you. I was just trying to save my baby. The cabal was beating down thedoor and Kate offered me a way out and I didn’t have time to think, Red. I… Iwas scared and I ran. And I’m so sorry for what I did to you.”

And his tears aredrying on her shirt and he turns his head to breath her in and she closes hereyes and–

Yes. This is them.

And she thinks maybeshe’ll stay a while tonight.

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themadcapmathematician · 8 years ago

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all i know abt transformers is the shia movie and the fact that darren criss plays one in the cartoons i think? should i get into transformers is what i'm asking

Oh god this is my favorite question. I’m not sure how to answer it but its my fave. Pull up a chair. I hope you’ve got some time on your hands.

The short answer: yes. You should at least give it a try. Transformers is a 30+ year old muti-media franchise that gets rebooted almost every 3 years so it basically has something interesting to offer almost any fan. If you end up not liking it that’s cool but there’s a lot to try before you decide.

The long answer is: yes you should and here’s why and here’s a rough idea of all the options you have to sample. I’m about to go on a long rant anon so you can check it out now or later or whatever but I’m just warning you ahead of time.

The basic Transformers plot (which I’m sure you know but I’m gonna go more in depth in a minute) is that a race of giant robot aliens who can turn into vehicles and other things have been engaged in a civil war that has lasted millions of years. This is the basic plot that all tf franchises spawn from although some explore slightly different subject matters. If that doesn’t appeal to you I mean there /might/ be a few other things you might find worth sticking around for because there’s just so fucking much of it, but you’re welcome to turn back now because that’s the basic things tf has to offer: giant robot aliens, cars and planes, fighting, some drama. Those are what tf is best at, with some variation.

It has a very active and long lived fan base and each section of the fan base is interested in different stuff with some crossover. There are people who literally only care about collecting the toys, people who wont try any other series except g1, people who only like the comics, etc. Etc. You’ll probably find people who like what you do pretty readily. If you like the toys there are toy forums and blogs. If you like the cartoons there are forums and blogs made for that too. If you like the comics, same. There’s a pretty active following of the comics and cartoon series on Tumblr alone; I would try searching the #maccadam tag since most tf activity has been moved there since the bay movies came out. Id also use the tf wiki liberally because it has pm all the information you’ll need to know about the fandom and the canon lore. There’s also plenty of fan fiction on Ao3 and ff.net if you’re into that and pm anyplace that hosts fan art has tf fan art.

Now there are several series, including comics, cartoons, the Michael bay films, the cartoon movie, spin off books, and video games. I’m gonna go over my personal favorites because I like and know them best but there are more than these if you’re interested in digging deeper.

(More under the cut)

G1: there are a lot of forms of what fans refer to as Generation 1 or G1 but if you live in the US its likely they’re talking about the very first cartoon series.

Summary: the autobots and the decepticons stripped their planet of resources and went looking for a new planet to continue surviving on. They both crashlanded on earth where they lay dormant for millions of years until conveniently awakened somewhere during the 1980s, where they continue their war all over again

Why you should try it: listen its cheesy as hell and full of nonsense plotlines and animation errors but not only is it good fun but at least watching an episode or two might give you a decent grasp on what spawned this enormous franchise in the first place.

G1 movie: this movie was a game changer. Its technically right in the middle of the g1 cartoon but it works as a standalone film too. while it has many trappings of the cartoon its better animated and has a more consistent and dramatic story.

Summary: Optimus Prime and Megatron fight, OP dies (yes he fucking DIES for the very first time. thousands of 10 year olds bawl their eyes out), Megatron gets mortally wounded, and the Matrix of Leadership (aka an autobot holy item/macguffin [this is the proto-cube btw]) has to choose a new leader.

Why you should try it: decent animation, classics lines, tons of 80s rock music, and it establishes a lot of tf conventions that would be carried over to all series that come after it.

Beast Wars: haha the 90s couldn’t be left out of the transformers fun, now could it? This was one of the first all-cg cartoon series in history and while its not much to look at nowadays, it was a big step in the 90s.

Summary: the series doesn’t center on Optimus Prime and Megatron but their decendants. The war is long over but some factions are starting to clash once again. Several members of these factions do the whole “crash land on earth while fighting” thing except they wake up during times before humans and instead of taking vehicle modes, they take animal forms, thus the name.

Why you should give it a try: it establishes the idea of Sparks for the first time, it has historical significance in the cgi realm, and it has a decent storyline with interesting characters. If you can muscle through the 90s-computer-animation look it might be the show for you!

Transformers: Animated: I dont think its a secret that this is one of my favorite tf series of all times. It was the first cartoon series I ever watched of tf and it also features my favorite toy line.

Summary: Optimus Prime is much less a war hero and more of a ..janitor really. He flunked out of the academy and spends his time repairing space bridges. One time during repairs though, they stumble across the Cube and just their luck, Megatron and some nearby cons are looking for it. They portal away to earth where they, you guessed it, crashland, until they’re awoken sometime in the future and go on adventures in futuristic Detroit.

Why you should give it a try: I like tfa’s art style and story and characterisation best tbh; Optimus is younger and more unsure of himself but also more earnest, with more visible baggage. The rest of his team feel like a ragtag band of misfits (which I have a weakness for no lie lmfao) who are still trying to find their place in this conflict and the future ahead of them. Sari is also one of the more beloved human companions and the show’s take on classics characters feels fresh and interesting, and the interpretation of the autobots and decepticons themselves is surprisingly nuanced.

Transformers: Prime: remember that 90s animation? Kiss that shit good bye my friend. This cgi is some beautiful shit. More than a few fans wish tfp is the art direction the movies had taken, storyline aside.

Summary: the autobots are already on earth, staking it out and fighting a more subdued sort of conflict with the cons. One day they get some human kids involved and stumble across some conspiracy shit and it all spirals out of control from there.

Why you should give it a try: great animation and atmosphere, gorgeous character designs, a solid interpretation go the characters, and it offers a more serious take on the story over all.

Rescue Bots: I’ve noticed this show doesn’t make the list a lot which is a shame? It has a much younger audience than any of then other series but its still quality and one of my fave tf series.

Summary: the ship of four non-combatants who were left in stasis before the war detect a transmission telling autobots to go to earth, so it…goes to earth. There they wake up on some island and are told they’ve gotta start building a repatoire with the native species…but they can’t reveal that they’re sentient aliens yet.

Why you should give it a try: ok ok, most of the series are made for 7-12 year olds with the teen and adult fans sort of in mind, this show…is a show made for pre-K kids, no joke. Its a lot less…murder-y, and this is especially saying something because it came out at the same time TFP did and in fact is supposed to take place in the same universe!

BUT, but it has a consistently well-written story and characterization, it addresses stuff I never thought it would, and its a nice break from the ridiculously high stakes of the other series. Honestly Rescue Bots is great and I wish more people talked about it because its a series totally worth watching, certainly as much as any of the others.

More Than Meets the Eye comics: there are a lot of comic series but so far this is my favorite one lol

Summary: the war is over, Optimus is done with everyone’s shit and splits the matrix in half, giving one to rodimus and they other to bumblebee. And what does roddy do with his newfound matrix half? Decide he’s going on a quest of course! And who better to go with than literally every unqualified misfit the autobot and neutral factions have to offer?

Why you should give it a try: ridiculous shenanigans, horror, drama, intrigue, strong characterisation, and a killer aesthetic. Damn it may not always give me what I want but its got a lot of exactly what I’m always looking for.

There are some video games (Fall of Cybertron, War For Cybertron, Transformers: Devastation), other comic series (Robots in Disguise, G1/UK comics), and the Robots in Disguise cartoon, however I don’t have a decent enough grasp on them to describe them super well I just know they’re pretty good and have had people recommend them to me. You’re welcome to try those as well of course.

Also if you’re into toy collecting or want to get into it there’s a lot of materials you can read and such but my personal advice is pretty simple:

1) go to walmart, target, a store that sells collectibles, a convention, or a garage sale

2) buy a cheap toy that you like. Don’t spend over like $20

3) decide if that was a fun experience or not and if you like having this toy or not

If you liked it enough to keep buying, then congrats, toy collecting might be right for you! Do your research, Don’t blow too much money too quickly, take it easy, have fun.

But yeah sorry this is really long but I do hope you consider giving transformers a try since I know I love it a lot and it really has a lot to offer. I hope this wasn’t like…a crazy response. That a crazy person might give. And that I didn’t scare you away or anything XS

the key is to try some stuff and have fun and if its not your thing that’s cool too! Have a chill night anon

#transformers #maccadam #anon #madcap rants #madcap replies #tf #info

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