#i should say 'fuck writing-to-post' and force myself to only write in notebooks for a while (with no intention to post)

[becauseplot]

something about the loop of "i want to write" -> "but i REALLY need to study for finals rn" -> "i really dont want to study anymore" -> "i feel stuck" -> "i should do something creative" -> "i should do something that makes me happy" -> "writing makes me happy" -> "i want to write" -> and so on and so on and so on and so on

[somany-fandoms-solittle-time]

“What’s so Special About the Moon?”

Jamil Viper x Mac

Ch. 1 – Ch. 2 – (Ch. 3) – Ch. 4 – Next – Previous

I never thought I’d finish this chapter…. LIKE HOLY SHIT I HATED OPENING MY NOTEBOOK BUT THE TIME HAS COME Y’ALL!!! I was planning on posting this before Valentines Day, but I got kinda busy and then almost a whole month passed lol! I’m also convinced I no longer know how to write two characters interacting with each other properly… Maybe the break was needed? No song in this one, but there’s so Mac lore and somewhat talking about feelings! The next (and final) chapter of this will be like a romanticized epilogue. Since I’m not sure how much I want to actually write and plan out for this oc, specifically regarding timeline stuff, it’s not gonna be considered “canon” [p.s. The most beta this gets is a quick read through of a 2nd draft after I finish typing it up so there may be mistakes or sentences that don’t make total sense]

The cream stone walls, lined with gold and crimson ceramics, provided an open, airy atmosphere to the Scarabia’s main Kitchen. Gentle breezes shifted Jamil’s long, dark hair while his busy hands expertly prepared baked pakoras. Their delightful deep-fried scent filled the air, making Mac’s already dry mouth water. Another beat or two of awkward silence oppressed the two as the Ramshackle Housewarden lightly sipped at the nearly empty glass of pink lemonade (including a few tiny chunks of dragonfruit).

“If you would like a second glass, there’s plenty left in the pitcher; second fridge to the right, middle shelf. I’d offer to pour but I must make sure these don’t burn.” Jamil finally broke the silence with more than the single-worded responses Mac was using. Xey supposed they couldn’t run away, least they be called out for being a hypocrite.

“No worries, I mean, I wasn’t really expecting you to serve me hand and foot,” they attempted to joke as a way to ease back into conversation.

“Scalding Sand hospitality would say otherwise,” Jamil easily shot back with a hint of mirth in his tone.

“Well,” Mac dragged out in a tired sigh, “I’m not royalty or a wealthy merchant. Besides, I’m not exactly fluent in any desert customs, Twisted Wonderland or otherwise… Kinda the opposite in fact! So, really, it’s no problem between us. I mean! You don’t need to feel like you have to go through any extra effort or ceremony for my sake.” Their hesitant eyes flicked fervently between filling the lemonade and the calm, sturdy back of the Vice Warden. A panicked symphony of little anxieties added an extra depth to xeir already drooping eyes.

Jamil remained calm. So fucking calm and put together that the Ramshackle Perfect could feel xeir anxiety almost turn to frustration. Almost. That deep well of guilt and shame kept them ‘grounded’ while waiting to hear some type of response.

“No need to concern yourself so much, it’s more force of habit than anything else.”

Mac huffed hardheartedly, “Trust me. I’d rather kill myself than even consider being a bother.” It was meant to be a more lighthearted joke but from Jamil’s reaction, he wasn’t used to such crude self-deprecation. A wide-eyed panic flooded his own eyes quickly as if mentally preparing to start damage control.

“Relax,” Mac continued with a snort, “nihilism is like breathing where I’m from.” A domino effect went through xeir body following their wave of flippancy. A harmless eye-roll, followed by a slightly less strained side-smile, the finishing with a light shrug into a slouch. “Besides, you can only have so many near-death experiences before beginning to think about death with casual indifference. You should try it sometimes… might loosen you up a bit!”

“It seems I’ve gotten too used to Kalim’s more literal style of speech.” the Vice replied through lightly gritted teeth; completely omitting any comment about how he did almost die during his overblot. The forced politeness remained and insisted on the reconstruction of his peripheral walls. It was really starting to piss Mac off. Good thing ze were a nosy bitch!

Fiddling in their lap, they sent a quick message to the ‘Ramshackle Freshies’ group chat letting them know not to wait up. Ze suddenly had a new, and challenging, job to do.

“… Considering how well you two got along I thought you shared that similarity,” the second year whispered under his breath, likely meant just to himself. Seriously, Mac thought, was he really meant to be sneaky? How’d he ever get away with it in the past?

“I was a lot like Kalim when I was younger,” xey replied just to watch Jamil startle out of his thoughtful pout. “Yeah, back when I was 15 before… a lotta things happened. It’s why I can, well, I think I can understand your whole dynamic.” They started rambling again and sporadically moving their arms. It was too easy for him to overshare nonsense that had nothing to do with the conversation at hand.

At least xeir slip of the tongue caught the desert snake’s attention. These two working-class students were both so emotionally huddled up in on themselves, manning their defenses, to properly have a conversation. Both desperately trying to claim secrets and information from the other. (The elder trying to understand and provide comfort while the younger planning to gain back some trust, solve their puzzling nature and…. A little of something else).

Becoming so lost in their own thoughts that the clinking ice cubes in xeir drink began to melt. The only other sounds were of the occasional Scarabia students shuffling path the doors, unwilling to enter the dorm kitchen. It was well-known that the kitchens were Jamil’s domain and kingdom. Add-on the weirdly tense vibes emitting from the two beyond the door. Yeah, this wasn’t the ‘Dorm for Mindfulness’ for nothing. No one would be stepping a foot inside until the other two were long gone.

Looks like it was cafeteria of food from the Lounge this weekend.

By this time, the deep-fried delight was finished and barely cooled down before being devoured. Continuous awkward silence would give the poor magicless Perfect indigestion at this point. I guess I’ll bite first, xey thought, making up his mind.

“This…,” a deep, yet hollow sigh, “isn’t gonna work.”

“What won’t work?” Jamil cautiously prompted, taking his time to search Mac’s body language.

“If we can’t chill out and come to some kind of understanding, everyone will be bugging us for weeks. Or worse… they’ll come up with some stupid, half-baked plan to force us to work it out.” They both felt a disturbing shiver imagining their resident idiot(s) locking them in a closet, or something equally cliche. Not that Mac hadn’t tried the same exact thing before realizing set-ups only work in movies and shojou anime. That would be ridiculous.

“And what do you suggest?” He replied after thinking it over for a moment.

“Twenty questions.”

“Huh?”

“You heard me.” zeir shit-eating, mischievous, obnoxiously lighthearted grin was practically audible at this point.

“You think some adolescent party game to learn each other’s favorite color will smooth over our interactions enough to fool Vil or Rook?” was the apathetic, snarky argument the Vice Warden shot back.

Mac released a playful gasp as xey jumped to reply, “How DARE you mock the sacred ritual of 20 questions. Or how much a favorite color can provide a little insight. I would know, I passed my Intro to Psychology class in High School.” Their easy wink was all the transition needed to put the testy air behind them. Besides, there might’ve actually been a small bit of truth in xeir joking attitude.

“You’ve tested it?”

“Online dating was a complete bitch and a half. Any ‘simple question game’ keeps the conversation going and vets out creepy weirdos.”

“But I already know how strange you are,” Jamil scoffed out the quip like second nature.

“Sorry, Babydoll, but you have no idea how much of a Freak I am.” Mac shot back with a laugh at the embarrassed look ascending Jamil’s neck and over his face. He seemed to tense on instinct, but decided to push through while he could still look his older underclassman in the eyes.

“Did these type of lines actually work for you?” He asked, standing up to try to brush of his initial reaction and to get started on their dirtied dished.

“If that’s your first question, then yes! I’m pretty good at adjusting to all sorts of personality types, which is great for a hook-up but doesn’t last long when it comes to serious relationships.” Xey answered somewhat matter-of-factually but still tasted of insecurity. Mac wasn’t ashamed, per say, of the occasional good time, but was borderline unhealthy with their distraction of choice.

With that the young servant raised a judgmental eyebrow that arched with a misplaced possessive jealousy, before becoming slightly thoughtful. Jamil had gone through extensive training in order to gain (and retain) a similar skill, he supposed. Not that it was anything he’d revel to the Perfect sitting across from him. Nor did he have to explain or like the venomous feelings he was actively shoving down the back of his throat. Just another poison to keep from spilling over, he thought trying to ignore the blatant irony of the whole situation.

“How about you?” Never mind!

Mac motioned xeir hand out expectantly. Behind his smudged glasses were gentle, pleading puppy dog eyes meaning to encourage Jamil only made him curl in on himself all the more.

“Is that you’re question? Seems hardly fair to just project the same question back,” He responded in a jilted, caved-off taunt. “Shouldn’t you have enough braincells to think of your own questions… instead of making me do all the work.”

Instead of backing off—or acting offended or snapping back with an equally sarcastic response—they simply laughed. Just… laughed. It wasn’t a patronizing huff like his own or a naive giggle like whenever Jamil said something that went over Kalim’s head. Xey laughed with a heavy nostalgia and in relief of finding the groove of conversation once again.

“Sorry, sorry! The version my… friends, I think, played we’d always have to answer whatever we asked. Prevents anyone getting ganged up on or an imbalanced type of questions.” Xe replied with ease.

Jamil answered dryly in response, “I spent the majority of my life following in Kalim’s shadow; we did grow up together after all. When I wasn’t by his side I either had work, chores or school. This didn’t exactly leave a lot of room for deeper friendships, let alone dating.” Surprisingly, the majority of what he said was the true.

It wasn’t the whole truth, but true nonetheless. Equal measurements of shame and embarrassment for being a servant always made the young Viper hesitant to pursue any real relationships while in middle school. Casual friends were one thing, superficial and somewhat difficult to maintain, but achievable. Dating, however, would take his focus away from his duties to Kalim (and possibly endanger the heir)

While Jamil’s thoughts were grim and filled with resentment, the other student hummed in consideration. How the two connected to people; how they both learned how and when to respond to the people they’re forced to be around felt oddly similar. Not the same, not by a long shot, but definitely similar.

“Well isn’t that just completely depressing,” Mac started to say under her breath before quickly transitioning to their own question: “Okay, well, how ‘bout your favorite type of music?” The answer they received back was a ‘cut-the-bullshit’ type of frown. Clearly, he didn’t consider it an equal exchange.

“Okay! Fine! What was your dream job as a child?”

This time Jamil couldn’t control his reactions so seamlessly. The Vice Warden’s eyes bulged as the startled intake of breath entered his body. His entire body took on a different type of hardheadedness to guard compensate his apparent embarrassment. He’s been feeling embarrassed a lot lately.

“Oh c’mon~ Every kid had a silly dream job! I probably went through a dozen, at least. So just spill already.” Ze said, trying to urge him to uncoil the tension from his jaw.

“It doesn’t matter! I knew I was destined to remain a servant my whole life, there was no reason to bother making silly plans.” Jamil hurriedly snapped in a desperate attempt to change the subject.

“Doesn’t mean some 5-year-old Jamil didn’t want to be a firefighter at some point.” Mac countered.

“I never dreamed of being something so foolish and mundane as a firefighter…” Jamil said, raising a defiant eyebrow.

“But you dreamt to be something or the other! C’mon, Viper, throw me a bone here wouldja?”

The two stared the other down, prepared to go back and forth. Clean-up had already been finished by the end of the first question and now Jamil brought out two, small fruit plates. It was a nonverbal offering to keep the conversation going despite his own dodgy replies. How was it possible that relatively harmless banter could be pulled from a subject as touchy as his lack of childhood?

Mac’s ease and understanding, even with their awkward or overbearing, of conversation had charmed the Viper’s unsettled and distrusting nature. If xey weren’t painfully honest (and particularly bad at keeping secrets for long), Jamil would have been worried she was a spy. Whatever I tell them—Kalim’s probably already told his club members, so there’s little harm to be done, he thought begrudgingly.

“A dancer,” his soft whisper blew past the lightly dripping faucet and over the desert’s dunes. In the heart of his answer—an unexpected level of raw honesty—cascaded over the billowing heat in a brutal, stubborn calm.

Mac wasn’t surprised, but he smiled at the second year anyway. That soft look, a fresh morning dew covering the forest floor in the late spring, both cooled and energized the flustered boy. It was an expression he wasn’t often familiar with; such genuine patience and pride over 3 short syllabus was uncalled for when it came to a servant like him. Such an insignificant moment held so much weight when they looked at him like that. A sight and experience that a much younger Jamil would’ve thought impossible to even dream of.

“I’m pretty sure I wanted to be a ballerina, for a time.” A hushed excitement at their shared interest.

“Really?” He’d seen them dance and… never got that impression before.

“Yeah, for like a week. Then it was a police officer, before I found out how much running around I would have to do. After that it was an engineer; who knew there was so much math involved? For a little bit I was dedicated to become the President.” Xeir answers tumbled out easily with plenty of humor behind each one.

“… President of what?” Jamil asked in confusion.

“Of the country! There’s not a whole lotta royal families back on Earth, but anyway, Politics is messy and absolutely soul-crushing. I would probably have twenty breakdowns a month even attempting to jump into THAT cesspool!”

“Ah…” Jamil mentally noted the casual explanation over the bewildering differences between Mac’s world and his own. It wasn’t the easiest to wrap his head around a country with no king, queen, or Sultan.

“Right?! Felt like I wanted to try a little bit of everything, but I always came back to performing on a stage…” For a moment there was a wistful look in their eye before quickly being pushed away.

“… In what way? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Oh, anyway I can. A pianist, an actress, a singer; all I wanted to do since I could remember was to entertain a crowd of people on a stage while I felt those warming lights beaming down on me.” The wistful expression was back with a small tug of a smile.

“Why tell me all of this in the first place?” Jamil knew he had already asked multiple questions at this point, but he had to know. He had to know everything that made up the strange magicless student across from him even more than he wanted to conceal himself. There was just an insatiable need to be their confidant, an archive of Mac Trivia, to just be anything xey let him be. It was strange and powerful and scared him almost as much as they intrigued him. It was an emotional tight-rope he never expected to need to walk, even now, as he studied his companion’s reaction.

“Because even if I do forget it all again, maybe I won’t have to loose myself entirely. Maybe then at least a part of my story will live on and be remembered. Why would people tell stories or gossip or do anything at all, if not for it to be at least remembered by someone?”

They both took a quiet moment to contemplate the sudden serious tone. It wasn’t the fighting or finger-pointing from earlier, but the air felt different from before. Like the next topic, which was Jamil’s to choose, would make or break the tension that was floating around all day between the two of them.

But what in the Twisted Wonderland was he supposed to ask zer after all that?!

There were so many things that still remained a mystery when it came to who Mac was or where they were from (or even why they were sent here in the first place). An uncountable amount of possible questions sped through the 2nd year’s head, trying desperately to pick the right one.

But this—this moment—was an opening to move forward from any awkwardness. Moving past the caring, nosy nuisance to a bond made of understanding. And if Jamil was honest, something he rarely was but making an effort today, than there was really only one specific he needed to know in the moment:

“The sun or the moon?”

“Huh?”

He had blurted it out less like a question and more as an overall demand. An unconscious hiss slipping from between his twisted lips and tempting tongue. Truly, an oversight considering how much the Scarabia resident was overthinking his options… he somehow lost control of his words.

“Sorry! Um… I meant to say, are you a day or night person? Basically do you prefer the Sun or the moon?” Jamil internally cursed himself as he back-pedaled. The earlier courage lost and desperately hoping to skirt passed awkward tension that might follow.

“Bullshit.” Oh for Seven’s Sake!

Mac slowly let xeir eyes glide over each of Jamil’s facial features. Thinking. Analyzing. Committing to memory the very real, very vulnerable intensity the original question had posed.

“The Sun and Moon are considered two halves of a whole, even if they aren’t necessary opposites; why should they be compared in the first place? Why put two celestial bodies against each other? Figuratively or metaphorically.”

Suddenly, the non-native Twistian held the same intensity as Jamil’s initial slip had if not more. It was the stubborn authority he felt in the laundry room—the same focus and need to understand. To be understood. To struggle with the truth while desperately, insistently, needing it to be said.

It scared him. More than hostage situations or poison testing, Mac scared and impressed Jamil more than he could describe. The fact that they were saying exactly what he needed to hear since he was 6-year-old.

“What’s so special about the moon? The sun will always outshine the moon—it can’t even make it’s own light. Then forced into the shadows without the Sun’s light.” He stated in response, trying to opposing his shaken heartbeat, but his tone sounded recited. It was a line he’d told himself time and time again as a mantra from his parents.

“I don’t think so,” the Ramshackle Perfect answered as simply as breathing, “because the moon is beautiful and mysterious and needed. It can do things even the sun cannot. Yes, the sun is beautiful and lovely and celebrated—but I don’t think you understand just how important the Moon is!”

Jamil responded in the last possible way either students expected him to: laughing his ass off. It was hand to describe any undertones of his laughter, but it wasn’t cruel or crazed like when he overblotted. A familiar bite of bitterness lingered in the air while the body of his laughter rang with astonished sincerity.

This was not the same Vice Warden that had tried to scheme against his childhood friend for a small taste of freedom. It wasn’t the snippy, exasperated retainer simply building back his reputation. Nor was it the frustrated, closed off second year that had been yelling all bout how the Perfect didn’t understand him.

He finally felt a little more free, placated and relieved, now that he’s taken a moment to grow. To learn. To feel and be validated in being his own person. Allowed to be better and show it to someone; show himself, at least partially, to Mac.

------

I hope you’ve enjoyed the story so far!! This is one of the longest fiction works I think I’ve committed to! I’m between two different songs to round this story out (Blue Moon by Billie Holiday or Here Comes The Sun by George Harrison) but I have an ongoing playlist of songs that remind me of Jamil. Some of them are jokes or ironic, some a little bit more spiteful, and others that really embody aspects of his character… at least to me lol! Feel free to add random songs that make you think of Jamil and if it’s not already in the monster of a thing.

[the-witty-pen-name]

Wallflower

18+ ONLY 

Ezra (Prospect) x F!Reader

Word Count: 4.2k 

Warnings: fluff, mutual pining, cursing, smut, unprotected sex, oral (f receiving), masturbation, dirty dreams, implies age gap (reader is in 20s+/of age, just younger than Ezra)

No use of (y/n) in this one!

A/N: I know this was not one of the things I should be working on, and I procrastinated on my coursework yet again to write fan fic. I’m so in love with Ezra and I have wanted to write something for this character for a while. It’s my first time writing for him and I was so intimidated to write something about him because his manner of speaking is so unique that I’m worried I won’t do him justice! Hopefully you all enjoy! 

Next thing I post will be the final part of Rest! It is currently in progress! 

I will be updating my taglist form soon to include Ezra and other Pedro characters I write for so check out for that if you want to be tagged in future fics! 

This is unedited and if I miss something to tag as a warning please let me know!

Tags and Requests and OPEN

“Ezra, for once can you please shut the fuck up. You’re driving me crazy,” you sigh, pulling off your helmet as you both return to your shared pod. It was a fairly long trek from the mining site back to your makeshift home and Ezra, being himself, talked the whole time- not once missing a beat.

“Not once have I ever had the pleasure of conversing with one as eloquently a sweet talker as yourself,” Ezra winks, making you roll your eyes. You weren’t actually mad at him, you could never, but one of the side effects of Ezra was limited moments of peace and quiet. In many ways, you and Ezra were very similar, and it made you really compatible partners.

But unlike Ezra, you really enjoyed quiet. Ezra, on the other hand, has had more than his fill of quiet for his lifetime and he basked in the ability to vocalize his every passing thought to you. It wasn’t often you felt the need to tell him to stop, but today had been particularly challenging and you couldn’t think of anything else besides the quiet of night and a good rest.

Ezra and you worked well because you were so much alike, but your differences also paired you two nicely. Ezra was without a doubt the biggest and most long-winded talker you had ever met and you were the best listener, opting to be the silent one in the conversation more times than not. You weren’t necessarily shy, just someone of a quieter nature. You mostly kept to yourself, by choice really, while Ezra struggled with solitude, it was one of the strengths of yours that you were able to endure it better than he could.

When you first met Ezra, he had called you wallflower, cause frankly you were one. Settled in the far corner of the pod with your notebook in hand, sketching instead of talking with the rest of the crew, Ezra made the effort to saunter over to you and made it his personal mission since day one to break you out of your shell. Made sure during mealtimes, he sat next to you, talked to you, asked you questions. Frankly, you owe the friendship you have with him now to his openness and talkative nature.

“Flower, I hope my parley on the trek back didn’t offend,” he says as he sheds off his suit.

“Not at all,” you say with a small smile, “Sometimes my meter runs out on my ability to listen. Tires me out.”

“I suppose I can understand,” Ezra replies, “I honestly seem to have the opposite problem, all my years in the Green, I never had the pleasure of someone to listen to besides my lonesome. Now that I have you, I find myself utterly unable to suppress my desire of spoken prose and I’m afraid I do tend to take advantage of your gentle nature.”

You nod, understanding him very well. It was coming up on seven months since you and Ezra had been on your own. The other three members of your crew had parted ways with you both, seeking out a better treasure.

Ezra, knowing what this planet and greed does, insisted on just doing his job and leaving, and you strongly agreed. It had been so long since the three of them went off for the buried riches, and you don’t even know if they will be returning to your pod at your scheduled time of departure in a few months’ time. Ezra told you stories about how he’s witnessed this job change people, and how he’s seen planets swallow up one’s humanity with no forgiveness. He was doubtful that any of them would return, and you were now starting to realize that his prediction since the beginning was correct.

Once your suit was off and put away, you smoothed out your hair as best you could by touch without a mirror, and headed over to the storage cubby where you both had your rations and grabbed you both a bar. You tossed one over to Ezra and he caught it effortlessly. Peeling back the wrapper of yours, you took a bite and collapsed on your cot.

“I never thought I’d miss those meals they served in the mess hall up in the station,” you comment, “I’d take a portion of those watery mashed potatoes and mystery meatloaf in a heartbeat if it meant I never had to touch one of these bars again.”

Your words made Ezra chuckle, his laugh deep and husky. You loved it. Your chest always swelled with pride just a tad when you had the ability to make him laugh or smile. More often, it was always him getting those reactions from you with his words and you liked the feeling when you were able to return the favor.

You closed your eyes, not falling asleep, just letting them rest while you chewed the rubbery ration. Ezra, tore through his always rather quickly, and he noticed that you still tried to savor yours despite your complaints. Like the taste, even though lacking and the texture terrible, was still like a reward for completing another hard day’s work. He admired that about you. You hadn’t been working this job as many years as him, as he was a few (plus a few more) years your senior. The things about this job he’s long since ignored or has gotten used to, still affected you. You still tried to taste your food, instead of scoffing it down like him and other seasoned prospectors.

“I can feel you staring, Ezra,” you say, breaking him out of his thoughts. He felt flushed knowing that he had been caught. It wasn’t intentional, more and more it was hard to keep his mind clear of thoughts of you.

“Sorry, flower,” he mutters, and you smirk, rendering him speechless for the first time all day.

It was undeniable that Ezra’s feelings for you were bubbling up closer and closer to the surface each passing day he spent in your company. You grounded him in ways he hadn’t realized he had needed. He needed someone to reign in his ramblings and tether him back when he lets his mind wander too deep. He needed you. There was this dependency that tied him to you now more than he ever experienced with another partner. It was friendship, sure. But he’s been friendly with partners past, and not once has he felt about them what he feels towards you.

He was a hopeless romantic, his thoughts of love and relationships were as poetic as the words he spoke. Yearning, completely head over heels, his mind constantly cluttered with scenarios of the ways he would court and win your affection if there was no inkling that lingered in his mind that was there to remind him it was a bad idea. You were much more practical than he ever hoped to be, much more wired for logic than he was. However, Ezra was blissfully unaware of how he had begun to rub off on you.

You found yourself daydreaming, caught up in your own little fantasies and escapes from reality, far more often than you had ever in your lifetime. Ezra, always the star at the center of it all. Living a life where you could stay with him somewhere more permanent, different career that didn’t require you both to float from planet to planet, chasing after prizes that weren’t actually yours- you just acted as a vessel, a taxi service for someone else’s riches.

You imagine scenarios where you would have met Ezra at a different time, or a different place. However, you often scolded yourself for allowing your stupid crush to occupy so much of your time. You were here for a job. And then you will leave and move on to your next one like always. It would be too painful to face rejection anyways, you reason. You can imagine the look on his face, thinking about the nicest way possible to reject you. That’s what you want to avoid, the pity. The niceties that will be forced after his inevitable rejection. The first friendship you’ve had the pleasure of having in years are gone just like that.

The pod was more spacious than the pod you would’ve been issued had it just been you and Ezra since the beginning. Two people sharing a pod designed for six felt much more like a livable space. More leg room, more spaces for privacy, it felt a little more like a studio apartment special wise than a glorified tent. You had even pushed a couple of the standard issue cots together and secured them tightly. You had the luxury of an extra pillow, and two of the thin mattress pads- it was like you had a full-size bed, with a beam running down the middle you did your best to cover by overlapping the mattress pads in the center. It was the most comfortable sleeping arrangement you’ve ever had on these expeditions.

Ezra and you strung a line across where both of your makeshift beds were positioned in the pod, and you hung a tarp across the line to make yourselves a privacy curtain. It was like you had your own room and he had his own as well. Ezra’s side was a little cleaner than yours, yours was a little cluttered with little mementos you find and want to bring back with you. Rocks, or small geodes… occasionally you’d bring back small plants that you double checked were nontoxic and you had them set up in makeshift planters- one of the crewmates that left abandoned an extra helmet that was damaged, and now you have an obscure green and purple plant sprouting up proudly from it.

Ezra’s side was much more standard. He had a pile of his old books, all of them weathered, looking like they’d been through hell and back. He had field books, and notebooks that held his years of accumulated knowledge of how he’s survived the Green. He ended up copying your bedding arrangement, and he agreed it was the most comfortable bed he’s had in years. He said it felt like a luxury a prospector like himself didn’t deserve. He also had a small collection of rocks that lined the ledge behind his bed. Little gifts from you, all of them.

“This one reminded me of you,” you’d say, passing him a unique rock while you struggled to keep the handful of the others you collected balanced in your hands. The grin on your face when you’d collect the little things was one of his favorite sights. When the partition that separated the beds was opened, it was a comical sight. Like a bedroom of a married couple on old television shows, where they had different beds and each side was decorated to that person’s tastes. Most of the time though, the partition was closed.

It made changing easier, the bathrooms and showers in pods no matter the occupancy size always had small, cramped bathrooms. However, it created a false sense of privacy because it did absolutely nothing in terms of suppressing noises. Ezra sometimes babbled nonsense in his sleep. The man literally unable to stop talking even when he was rendered unconscious. Most of the times it was completely incomprehensible, not even sounding like real words. Sometimes you’d hear a sentence maybe, but without knowing his dreams it was still alien to you. It was comforting to you hearing him on the other side of the partition, and knowing he was right on the other side made it easier for you to sleep.

Tonight, was no different, curled up in your bed, you were drifting off to sleep while Ezra had long fallen asleep before you. The weight of today’s expedition felt like it melted right off of your body as soon as your head hit the pillow. You were close to falling asleep, just savoring the moments of comfort before letting your mind drift when you heard Ezra say your name on the other side of the makeshift wall.

“What is it, Ezra?” you whisper, grumbling that he interrupted you right before falling asleep. He doesn’t respond, and instead you hear a low snore on the other side. He must’ve fallen back asleep, you figure, closing your eyes. They shoot open a few minutes later when he repeats your name again, but this time it’s a deep moan. His voice was husky and it sent a vibration right up the back of your spine. Your eyes widened at the realization that on the other side of the curtain, Ezra was dreaming about you. You shivered when he let out another involuntary, low groan. If you hadn’t been listening you probably wouldn’t have even heard it.

What do you do? You mind is racing with trying to figure out how to handle this situation. Do you wake him up? You also try your hardest to ignore how every small noise on the other side of the curtain is just going right to your core, making your thighs squeeze together while you keep your own arousal at bay. It was wrong of you to listen in, but you really don’t have much of a choice. You force yourself to take a few unsteady breaths to calm yourself, but it does nothing to ease you in your shocked state. Kevva, the noises he was making were like music. You often wondered what he would sound like. His voice on its own is already so perfect. But in this context? You wanted to hear nothing else.

You don’t even know how long you lay on your bed paralyzed before the temptation becomes too much and you are sliding one hand down the length of your torso and into your sleep shorts. You delicately slide your hand under your dampened underwear and your fingers instinctively find your clit. You bite your lip, trying your best to suppress the whimpers that escape your lips as you think about the man behind the partition. Your months of pining for him you finally let yourself submit to.

It had been a while. There was no privacy on the pod at any moment. When someone was using the shower, from the other room everyone could always hear the rustling around, if they were humming. It was better to just not try at all. The risk of getting caught was always too high. This was the first time you acknowledged and succumbed to your desires this entire mission. It had been so difficult to avoid, but now, you are taking advantage of the opportunity presenting itself to you. You weren’t even thinking twice, just closing your eyes and imaging the fingers inside you belonged to Ezra. You were so caught up in your own pleasure, you hadn’t noticed that Ezra’s side of the room had fallen silent.

Ezra sat up on his bed, His eyes fixated completely on the tarp that was the only thing separating him from you. He felt shameful, waking up from another dream about you. He woke up hard, and he felt immensely guilty. Then he heard your soft moans you were trying so hard to hold back. Now he sat on his bed, completely captivated by the noises on the other side, while he pleaded with himself to either make a move or just try to ignore it and get a few more hours of sleep. He snapped when he heard his name fall off your lips in a small whisper.

“I can feel you staring, Ezra,” he hears you say on the other side of the curtain. He smiles, probably ear to ear like a goddamn dopey teenager. He stands up and pulls the curtain back, and his breath catches in his throat at the sight of you laid out. You had stopped, knowing your statement would cause him to pull the curtain back, but the evidence of what you were doing still lingered- your hair sprawled out messy on the pillow, your sleepshirt haphazardly pushed up exposing the smooth skin and curves to him, the slick on your fingertips and the small wet spot on the front of your shorts. You looked up at him with doe eyes and he thought he might collapse on the floor at the sight of you.

“Flower,” he whispers breathlessly in the dark. The only light coming in was from the moonlight outside from the small window on your side you had opened. He thought you looked ethereal, a sight to behold that he was not worthy of gazing upon. He’s speechless. You can’t quite make out his facial expression in the dark and you mistake his breathless tone for discomfort.

“I’m so sorry,” you say, sitting up slightly. “I just... I heard you dreaming about me; we don’t have to bring this up again. Its just loneliness getting to me…”

He tentatively kneels down in front of your bed and you move to hide your face in the pillow so you don’t have to face him. He gently cups your face in his hand, and guides you back to face him. He actually says your name, and you might die hearing it on his lips.

“If what you say is true, and this is nothing more than a lapse in judgement, fueled by the loneliness of the Green, I swear to you I shall never as I live hold this moment against you, and you and I shall commence in the morning living like it never happened. But, if there is any chance these feelings that I have harbored for you are reciprocated, please grant me this opportunity to show you how much I am completely transfixed by you.”

You are now the one rendered speechless as you try to process the new information and the proposal Ezra has offered you. You are having difficultly allowing yourself to believe any of this or anything he says is true. Part of you was wondering if this was part of a dream and you hadn’t yet realized you were asleep. You had to reach out and touch his face, feeling his stubble under your touch, any sort of evidence to know he was physically right there.

“You’re real,” you mumble to yourself, and he chuckles. He takes the hand which you had rested on his face and he presses a kiss to your wrist.

“The number of times I have thought the same thing about you,” he mutters, moving your hand to press a gentle kiss to the back of it. “Flower, please…”

“This is more than a just a whim,” you admit, exhaling shakily, “Ezra… I love you.”

“Oh, how I’ve longed to hear those gracious words on your lips, flower,” he smiles, his gaze not breaking from your face.

You lean forward, capturing his lips in a kiss, unable to take being separated from him anymore. You move your lips against his and you can feel his smile as he moves to position himself on top of you, not even needing to break the kiss. Your limbs tangle with his, and you run your hands through his tousled curls, wanting to just let your hands touch every part of him that he would let you. He rests on hand on the back of your neck, while he uses the other to keep himself from putting all of his weight on you.

“You’re bewitching,” he says softly, as he pulls away from your lips to leave a trail of kisses and bites down your neck and collar bone. “Your beauty is unmatched by anything these tired eyes have ever witnessed,” he praises, as his hands move to slide nimbly under the fabric of your shirt.

He plans to take his time, to completely worship every part of your body and vocalize in every way how beautiful you are and how much he cares for you. His moments are slow, and sensual, making you feel like complete putty in his hands. He wants to savor absolutely every part of this shared moment. For so long has he dreamed about this, and so far, everything about you- your noises, your soft skin, all so much better than he ever envisioned. His calloused hands savor every inch of you they graze, committing how every part of you feels to his memory.

His moustache and stubble leave goosebumps behind on every part of your skin he kisses. He leaves a trail of marks behind that with time will definitely darken into small bruises, evidence he can gaze upon tomorrow to remind him this all was not just a dream. In his head, he pleads with his maker that if this is a dream may he please never wake up and suspend him in this sleep state forever. A small price to pay to have you entangled in his arms.

“I love you,” he repeats over and over as he kisses down your body, pressing kisses to every inch he can see and touch, just like he’s wanted to for so long in these strenuous months. His movements are gently, and you moan softly at the sensation of his knuckles grazing your skin as he pulls your shorts and underwear down your legs, leaving you know completely bare in front of him.

“I want to spend the rest of my days between these thighs,” he mumbles, pressing kisses to your inner thighs and his hands grab them and pull them apart gently. Like a man starved, his tongue works skillfully, giving you so much attention. Your hands tangle in his hair, and he sucks on your clit, making you cry out in pleasure. He loves the reactions he can elicit from you and he loves the taste of you. You’re as touched starved as he is and he wants nothing more than to stay between your legs for hours as you moan praises, and shudder under his touch. You back arches and you can’t help but squirm at the sensations, but he holds your legs gently, keeping you in place. The first time he brings you to orgasm is by his tongue, and you can taste yourself on his lips when he finally comes up for air.

You can’t even think of anything to say to reciprocate his words, your mind is hazy and you’re overcome with the feeling. He doesn’t seem to mind, and the look on his face almost proves how proud he is to be the one who’s the cause of your current state. He’s just so wrapped up in how your body is responding to his every move, he doesn’t care you’re completely speechless. The feeling of it all was just too much to try to attempt vocalizing coherent thoughts.

When he finally pushes himself inside you, it completely takes your breath away. He makes sure to go slow, taking his time and letting you adjust. He also needs to steady himself, because the feeling of you wrapped around him is incredible. It’s perfect, and he wants to take his time, but your so tight and feel so good, and it’s been so long since he’s experienced such an intimacy.

“You’re perfect,” you moan softly at the feeling of how he stretches you.

The compliments that fall from your lips, go right to his head, inflating his ego. His kisses become more frantic, and passionate. His hands shamelessly wander the length of your body, groping at the flesh, wanting to just worship every part of you, to just touch every part of you. His rhythm is slow at first, not wanting to cause you any discomfort, but you wrap your legs around his waist and pull him in closer and his mind is frenzied at the sensation. His movements become much more sporadic, chasing his relief as you cry out how close you are as your face rests in the crook of his neck, leaving kisses and bites on his neck, leaving your own marks on him like you were returning the favor.

“Cum inside me, Ezra,” you whisper, nibbling his ear and he groans hearing something only in his dreams manifest in the flesh. “It’s safe.”

He bites his lip and you tug gently on the ends of his hair, a moaning mess under him. The way your face contorts when you orgasm for the second time and the sensation of your release is the final sensation that triggers his own. He collapses on top of you, resting his face in the crook of your neck, whispering again how perfect you are before pulling out and rolling over to lay beside you.

You both are breathing heavily, glistening with sweat and feeling euphoric after coming down from the high. Your chests rise and fall as you both work to catch your breath before either of you speak. It’s a comfortable silence, both of you trying to recover. He looks over to you, and you match his gaze. You roll over onto your stomach and rest your head on his chest, taking a few moments before cleaning up. You rest your arm across his torso and he wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you closer.

Here, in the depths of this dangerous planet, you felt safe in his arms. The excruciatingly long days of physical labor, chasing after promises of riches feel fruitless now more than ever, because the best thing you ever found in the Green had been right next to you the entire time.

General Taglist:

@sassy-kassaay​

@letsfly-andbe-free

[seita]

some coping mechanism are wrong and do need to be discussed or changed!! neurodivergency doesn’t give u an excuse to hurt or trigger others!! coping mechanisms don’t exist in vaccums... and you and ur followers are harming real people by saying such

i was going to ignore most everything i got on the subject because quite frankly i'm over it. every opposing take either doesn't make sense, is completely ignorant, or is just plain stupid.

this one? is just idiocy.

so i'm gonna take the time to explain some things to you.

i cannot begun to express the ignorance and privilege that is seeped into every single word of this ask. i am actually baffled that you genuinely thought that this was, in any way shape or form, okay. or that you even thought this was a hot take at all.

you do not have any jurisdiction or power to tell other people that the way they cope is wrong. that is so beyond disgusting.

do you know why people choose to write dark content to cope?

a few reasons that range from: gives power/comfort over their trauma to lets them release emotions that otherwise have no outlet.

beyond that is that some people don’t have the resources or support system needed to cope in other ways. all they may have is a pen and paper or a laptop. they may not live in a home where they were believed, they may still be trapped with their abuser, or they may just plain not be able to afford therapy.

but do you know what the fun thing is? plenty of these people who choose to cope in this way are advised by their therapists to do it. like myself.

i used to write in little notebooks as a child -- really dark, foul shit and i didn’t understand why i did it. i talked to my therapist and i was told it’s a great outlet! i have to say writing is probably one of the top reasons i managed to get to the space i am in today.

when i learned the wonders of the internet growing up, i also sought out to READ the content. of course, it was very hard to find because of people like you who do nothing but shame it simply because of the real world values the crimes possess and for some reason refuse to see it in a fictional, helpful way.

it’s a very real and very valid coping mechanism: both reading and writing are incredibly beneficial.

this outlet also helps people just the same as it can hurt people. i don’t know who or what you think you’re doing but survivors who are triggered by the content of a darker nature WILL NOT CLICK ON IT TO READ IT. why are you acting like survivors and victims are brainless, mindless idiots who will read something clearly labeled with their triggers as if there’s some invisible force dictating them too?

and who are you? a highschool student? a college student? a therapist? what right gives you, a random person on the internet, to dictate something that has been ADVISED and PROVEN to help with coping to trauma to deem it wrong?

im gonna go ahead and say your morality. nothing beyond that.

you see dark content as just disgusting porn fucked up people jerk off to but it’s beyond that. and very obviously something you do not understand and most likely refuse to understand.

you think because you think something is wrong that it should be wrong all around. you don’t like it so it shouldn’t be done.

i hate to break it to you but the real world isn’t going to cater to you. i sure as fuck won’t. i’m not in charge of making you feel happy or content on the internet. if you log on to your computer and expect people to babysit you and make you feel comforted and safe -- you’re doing the internet wrong.

you only choose to see the negative side to this. you see that people can be triggered or hurt by this content and that’s valid. people can and will be. but there’s also a HUGE number that people like you choose to ignore and invalidate under the guise of protecting survivors only to hurt them at the same time. it doesn’t make sense.

you’re not trying to advocate and protect people -- you’re trying to make the fandom and content match up to your puritan ideals and fantasies. the world isn’t like that. people are always going to do things you don’t like and have opposing opinions on things. stop trying to act like you’re doing this for the greater good -- a martyr, hero complex isn’t a cute look and we can see exactly what you’re doing.

i don’t understand why it’s so hard to accept that dark content does not have as big of a negative impact as you think it does.

i also don’t understand how other survivors can see what people like me do and tell us we’re wrong. i don’t go out of my way to shame you and say “oh you don’t like dark content? weird.” i mind my own fucking business and stay away from blogs that don’t want to interact with dark content writers.

i am respectful always. i never attack people for having opposing opinions. i never attack people personally. people who write dark content don’t do that shit.

you know who does?

your side.

you know what someone said to me in an effort to shame me and bully me for writing what i write? they called my writing shit -- the thing i use to cope and help other cope. i’ve never gone on anon or off anon and told someone their writing was shit.

i also had someone ask me why i think being a victim made me special. i’m gonna let you sit and figure out exactly what is wrong with that question.

those are the types of people you’re enabling and encouraging. if you people just left dark writers alone we wouldn’t hurt anyone. you all preach this shit about how dark content is SOOOOO easily availble anyone can read it. that is false. the only way to find dark content is to ALREADY BE ASSOCIATING WITH PEOPLE WHO CREATE OR CONSUME DARK CONTENT. it’s not tagged in the main tags. it will not show up in your orbit or be blasted on your page because someone posted it.

and then you people say “oh minors will be convinced it’s okay!!!” no. minors aren’t as stupid as you seem to think they are. they fully know and understand exactly what they’re getting into. they see the word rape and know in real life THAT’S BAD.

you don’t want a slasher film and think  “oh wow look at him killin all those people but not getting caught I COULD DO THAT TOO!!!!” no. you don’t. because you know it’s wrong.

y’all are so high up on you moral horse that you think everyone around you is fucking stupid and has no common sense.

if someone thinks what they read in fiction makes it okay in real life, there was already something wrong with them to begin with.

but no, you’ll pull out anything on earth to try and get your point across. from secondhand trauma to it just being offensive.

and i hate to be the one to tell you this but...all this crusading is doing basically nothing in the long run. you know what happened yesterday from being called out? i lost 9 followers.

and then i gained 20. and now im only 100 away from 16,000.

what did all of this achieve? what does any of this even do?

whenever you people do this what exactly is it you want? do you expect us to just...stop...because you don’t like it? are you really so self-centered and self-righteous that you think you’re THAT important. do you really believe your opinion and voice is the loudest and most important to consider?

because it really isn’t.

just as you’re sitting here telling me you’re wanting to protect people -- i’m wanting to help people. do you know how many people i’ve had thank me for making them feel better about their owwn fantasies that they’d previously been ashamed of because they’re a victim? or how many people thank me for providing the content they rely on to cope?

i’m gonna go ahead and say those are the people i want to help. those are the people i care about. and i don’t know what it’s gonna take for you people to understand that i will not stop until i DECIDE to.

this is the internet. none of your opinions or words have any long-lasting, realistic effect on me, my person, or my life. i could delete my blog and in a month nothing any of you have said to me over this course of time will have impacted me in the long term. of course, other people are more sensitive and can get hurt by this discourse.

but i don’t. i’m a lot more stubborn and thick-skinned than you people may seem to realize.

your words will continue to go in one ear and out the other. i know where i stand. i know where i want to remain.

your morality nor your opinions are blanket rules that everyone should abide by. get some perspective and learn your place in the world before speaking on things you clearly cannot understand.

[cinnamon-roll-seth]

Eavesdropping || JJ Maybank

OBX Masterlist

Request: can i get a jj maybank x reader in which reader and kie are talking and the reader is talking about pope and how great and smart and kind and hot he is trying to convince kei to give him a chance but jj the readers boyfriend overhears and misunderstands and gets insecure and jealous maybe thinks the readers into pope with a happy ending

“Do I have to leave?” JJ pouts as he lays on your bed next to you.

“I love you but yes. You know Saturday nights are sleepover nights, we go over this every week.”

“But can’t I join the sleepover? I can talk about girl stuff.” He raises his voice to mock yours, “Oh my god Kiara, you should’ve seen how hot JJ looked today!”

You roll your eyes, “You’re so clingy.”

“Yes but-“

“Knock knock,” Kiara says, knocking on your open door with her knuckle.

“And that would be your cue,” You turn towards your boyfriend.

He groans and stands up off your bed, “Fine.”

“Love you,” You lean over and give him a kiss before gently pushing him out of the room, turning to Kie, “So, what are we doing first?” She smirks and holds up a DVD, The Notebook.

“Oh god. Why? You know we always cry like babies.”

“Yeah but we haven’t watched it in awhile. Pleaseee?” She pleads, batting her eyes like a puppy.

“Fine fine. Get it put in, I’m gonna go make some popcorn.”

-

“Everytime,” Kie cries as the two of you watch the credits roll down the screen.

“They’re the cutest couple ever,” You sigh, munching on leftover popcorn that had been sitting at the bottom of your bowl.

“Besides you and JJ. God I need a boyfriend,” Your best friend groans. You smirk over at her and she looks back at you suspiciously, “I don’t know what you’re about to say but the look on your face worries me.”

“I was only going to say that I know the perfect boy who just so happens to be single and has a thing for you.”

“Who?”

“Oh, you know. Just a certain somebody we know named Pope.”

“There’s no fucking way. No pogue on pogue macking remember?” She shakes her head dismissively.

“Oh come on Kie, that rule was completely thrown out the window when JJ and I got together.”

“So? It still doesn’t seem right. And this is Pope we’re talking about, do you really think he’s good boyfriend material?”

“Why not? You can’t deny that he’s attractive. Plus he’s super sweet and thoughtful. Pope is perfect boyfriend material! You should give him a chance.” You stand up, “I’m gonna go get a Coke from the kitchen.”

She nods and you open your door. You step into the hallway, damn near having a heart attack when you see your boyfriend standing a few feet away, looking extremely annoyed.

“Jesus JJ, you almost scared me to death! What are you doing?”

“Well I got all the way home and then realized that I forgot my sweatshirt here. So I came back to grab it and hear my girlfriend talking about dating one of my best friends.” He replies angrily.

“No no, JJ. I- that’s not what I meant. I was telling Kie-“

“Save it Y/N. Seriously? What the hell is wrong with you? Is that what you girls talk about at your sleepovers? Cheating on your boyfriends?”

“I’m not chea-“

“How long has this been going on? I’ve dedicated the last six months of my life to you while you’ve been with Pope?! Of all people you really have been cheating with my best friend? And you didn’t expect me to find out? I’m done Y/N. I’m going to get my sweatshirt and leave and you can go back to bragging to Kiara about how hot and sweet Pope is.”

“JJ you idiot, would you just listen to me?!” You grab his arm as he tries to walk towards your room, “I’m not cheating on you with Pope. Kiara was complaining about being single so I was saying those things to try to get her to give him a chance.”

“But you said he’s perfect boyfriend material.”

“For her! God, you really think I’d cheat on you? Why would I have any reason to do that JJ? You satisfy me in every aspect of my life, I would never imagine needing or wanting anybody else. Honestly I’m a bit hurt that you’d think that.”

He groans, “Oh my god I’m such and idiot.”

“A little bit, yeah.”

“I’m sorry. I should’ve asked you what the conversation was about before I assumed that. I over reacted. Do you forgive me?”

“No. Get out of my house.” You watched as his face fell, “I’m joking you idiot.”

“Oh hey JJ, again.” Kie comments as the two of you walk into your room. He waves as you grab his sweatshirt off the end of your bed and hand it to him.

“No more eavesdropping?” You ask.

He shakes his head, “Promise. Oh and Kie, you really should talk to Pope. He’s had the hots for you for like two years.”

This is so short 😩 Seriously though, sorry it’s so short. I’ve had like no motivation to write but I forced myself to. I don’t think it turned out that bad though. Also it’s my birthday! I’m gonna be posting a face reveal to celebrate 👀

OBX Taglist (Open)- @copper-boom @tovvaf @drewswannabegirl

[cafedanslanuit]

Just a little bit of your heart || Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

I don't ever tell you how I really feel / 'Cause I can't find the words to say what I mean / (...) I know I'm not your only / But I'll still be a fool 'cause I'm a fool for you

a/n: I wasn’t thinking on writing a second part but since you asked so nicely, I came up with two extra chapters! Hope you like this one <3 I will be posting the final chapter in the next few days. tagging the ones who asked for part 2 ~ @loeybk​ @animemelanie360​

Part One || Part Two || Part Three

.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。 .❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。 .❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。 .❀。• *₊°。

Kirishima had tried his best not to let Bakugou know but news travelled fast, faster than he had anticipated. Whispers about you dating a girl from the Support Class quickly got to Bakugou. He didn’t comment on it, but Kirishima noticed how much rougher he got on training that day, and how his hands would let out tiny clouds of smoke out of the blue, making him think that all those comments were still around Bakugou’s head.

Bakugou hadn’t tried talking to you again and you hadn’t either. Deciding it was a deserving end for such an unfulfilling love story, you had decided to move on and finally accepted a proposal from a girl that you had met through Yaoyorozu during lunch time. She was kind and sweet, a harsh change from the last relationship you had been it. She had invited you to the cinema and then to a tiny coffee shop where you discussed the movie. You found yourself laughing easily at her jokes and once the date ended, you could see yourself seeing that girl again.

Weeks went by where you tried your best to focus all your energy on her rather than your ex. If you were damned to see each other other until you graduated, you had to start working on making his presence not mean a thing. You hadn’t found much success in the last three weeks, but you knew it had to happen someday.

It was a Thursday morning during Aizawa’s class when you felt your phone vibrating in your jacket pocket. You ignored it, but a minute after, you felt it again. Making sure Aizawa wasn’t looking at you, you took it out and put it under your desk.

‘hey, how’s your day going?’

‘right sorry you should be in class. i’m too, but i’m bored and i thought of u<3’

You couldn’t help but smile at the cute texts she had sent you. You replied to her and didn’t have to wait long for another reply. It went by for few minutes until you saw your sensei’s binding cloth snatching the phone away from your hands. You watched in horror as it flew straight to Aizawa’s hands, where he took a look at the screen.

“If you rather chat with your girlfriend than be in my class, don’t waste my time” he said. You felt your face turning red and wished your classmates weren’t looking at you as they were doing at the moment. “In fact, why don’t you text her again. Tell her you can’t make it today since you have to clean Gym Gamma all by yourself. No quirks” Aizawa added with a sick smile. You nodded, embarrassed and put your phone in your backpack. You couldn't believe you were going to be grounded for something as stupid as texting during classes. The worst part was Aizawa was right. You really had set yourself up for this.

Just as you thought the class could continue and your nightmare was over, Aizawa turned again to look at you, a chill running across your spine.

“My bad, not alone. Bakugou has to stay too because he doesn’t seem to understand what the difference between training and attempted murder is yet” he shot an angry glare at the named student, who just looked down to his notebook. You remembered noticing Bakugou being extra rough in training the last few days, but tried not to give it much thought.

You sighed and started taking notes again. 

------------

Right after training, everyone started leaving the gym. Midoriya gave you an apologetic smile as he tried to help you a bit with cleaning, quickly being discouraged by Aizawa’s scary look. You assured him you would be fine and watched him leave. Jirou and Momo asked you if they should wait for you outside U.A. but you told them there was no need. You would see each other the next day in class, and you probably would just want to take a shower and go back home once you were done.

You took a broom and started sweeping the floor in silence, looking at Bakugou as he did the same. The two didn’t talk to each other as you did so. Time seemed to have stopped, in the worst way possible. As you kept doing your chore, you thought about how you could be in a cute date instead of sweeping your classmate’s sweat if you had ignored the messages and waited until lunch to talk to her. You mentally cursed yourself for your actions. If there was anything worse about being stuck with that chore, was being stuck with him.

Once you were done, you both went to the storage room, were you started arranging the items that had been used in class, putting the items back in the shelves. You saw Bakugou grabbing his backpack and walking towards the door.

“Hey, we’re not done” you warned him. He stopped and turned to look at you, disgust written on his features.

“I cleaned the gym. I’m done”

“This counts as cleaning the gym, you think I’m doing this because I like to?” you replied, your hands on your hips.

“You’d be stupid like that” he said, before rolling his eyes and resuming his pace.

“What the fuck is your problem? Be a man and accept I dumped you”. Bakugou stopped again and turned around, laughing. His laugh was cold, much colder than anytime you’ve heard him.

“I have. And without the need to hold onto a fucking extra like you did”.

“It’s rich for you to mocking the fact I’m dating again instead of asking yourself why I left you in the first place. Work on your fucking feelings, Bakugou, it seems you can’t even do training well. Isn’t that why you’re here?” you challenged him. Bakugou dropped his backpack to the ground and walked towards you.

“Wanna say that again?” he threatened.

“I’m saying you’re so emotionally stupid you couldn’t keep your girlfriend” you countered, not backing down.

“Why do you even think you were worth keeping around?” Bakugou snarled. Your fierce facade fell apart, his words hitting you deep.

“You’re an asshole” you muttered, grabbing back one of the training items and putting it back to its place. You tried your best to focus on organizing, you weren’t going to let him get away with hurting you again.

“Well, that says more about you than me” he scoffed.

“You know? It does” you agreed. “I spent so much time with someone who didn’t love me, surely that says something about how low I was willing to fall for some dick”

Bakugou’s hand grabbed your elbow, forcing you to turn around and face him. Beneath his anger, you could see a glimpse of hurt. You let that thought go. No, Bakugou wasn’t the type to get hurt by words, much less your own.

“Well, you sure don’t seem to settle for dick anymore”

“Is it so hard to believe a girl can be healthier for me than you?” you raised your eyebrow at him.

“What it’s hard to believe it’s someone can actually stand you” Bakugou smirked. You wanted to get back at him, but knew it would be repeating the cycle of hurt you had already established since you had split up. He would say something hurtful, you would try to hurt him back and he retaliated. It was tiring and you were done with it.

“Let me go, I’ll finish this by myself” you muttered, jerking your arm away from Bakugou. Instead of releasing you, his grip only grew harsher. “I said let go”. He looked at your for a few moments and then he finally let go.

“Fine. Have fun playing with your new toy. See how long this one lasts” he scoffed.

Bakugou didn’t expect to slapped.

“What the fuck!?” he yelled, his hand going to his cheek. “I let you go!”

“You don’t get to say I’m playing around. If you were too incapable of saying you loved me, fine! But I don’t play around with people and I certainly didn’t play around with you, dumbass. You’re impossible, fuck!” you breathed heavily. Bakugou just looked at you in silence. You had tried to stop a confrontation from happening, but now you were way past your earlier intentions. “All I wanted was for you to say you loved me. That was it. But you didn’t want to, or you couldn’t and now we’re here. I’ve accepted I couldn’t change that about you, but don’t talk like I’m the broken one out of us both”.

You felt tears streaming down your face, both anger and sadness drowning you. Bakugou stayed silent, his refusal to say something back doing nothing more than filling your body with rage. You punched Bakugou’s chest, his body not even moving at how little impact it made. Frustrated, you went again. And again. And again.

“Why couldn’t you say it?!” you cried. “Why the fuck can’t you tell me how you feel!? Tell me you hate me, I don’t even care. Just speak”.

Bakugou just looked down, taking every hit you were giving. You tried pushing him back, taking a few steps back yourself as you failed.

“Just tell me what you feel!” you pleaded. His eyes were still glued to the floor, his mouth twisted in a snarl.

“Why the fuck can’t you say something!? Say something, goddammit! Speak, Katsuki!” you yelled, marking each sentence with another punch on his chest.

“I don’t know how!” Bakugou finally growled, grabbing you by your wrists. You wrestled against him for a few moments but then desisted, knowing he had more raw physical strength than you.

“Think again, that’s a lame excuse and you know it” you spat, feeling his hold on your wrists tightening. Bakugou showed his teeth, his anger getting the best of him.

“You make me feel like a fucking moron!” he screamed against your face. “That’s how I fucking feel! I don’t feel composed, I don’t feel like a winner, I feel like a fucking extra whenever you walk by and don’t look my way”

You stared at him, your eyes filling with tears again. Anger was still flooding your veins, pushing you to activate your quirk and start an actual fight with your past lover.

“You wanted the truth!?” he continued. “Here it is: I never told you how I felt because I can’t fucking understand it. All I know is I’m a cunt who would do anything you asked me to".

“Except telling me you loved me” you grunted. He harshly let go of your arms, pushing them away from him.

“What the fuck does that even mean!? Tell me, what’s the point of saying I love you if I don’t understand what that means. You wanted me so bad to say it, like it meant anything. What does me saying ‘I love you’ guarantees you, huh?” he asked, taking steps forward as you walked backwards. You back finally hit the wall, your expression turning into a confused one. “If I don’t understand what I’m saying, it means shit! But hey, wanna know how loving you feels like? What it really feels like? It’s fucking hell! I can’t control it, I can’t make it go away and I fucking wish I could!”

Before he could continue, you grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him close, crashing your lips against his. Bakugou kissed you back, pushing his tongue against your mouth, his hands grabbing each side of your face as he did. You bit his lower lips until he growled, letting him do the same, secretly loving the way your swollen lips felt once he was done. His hands never left your cheeks, not even when his whole body pressed against you as his mouth kept moving against yours. Your ran your fingers through his hair, intoxicating yourself with the feeling as you yanked him even closer.

After a few moments, Bakugou finally pulled away, resting his forearms on the wall above your shoulders. He panted against your face, your hands settling on his shoulders. You pressed his lips against his again, but this time for a much softer kiss. Bakugou broke the kiss again, closing his eyes.

“Are you with her? Like… a couple” Bakugou whispered, his breath hitting your face. You shook your head with a whimper.

“We’re just going out on dates” you sighed, your eyes searching for his. When he finally set his vermillion eyes on you, you felt a lump on your throat. “I love you, Katsuki”

“Why?”

“Why?” you repeated, confused. Bakugou broke eye contact for a moment, looking down and then set his eyes on you again. You let out a dry laugh, feeling the pressure increase around your throat. “Because I don’t believe in unconditional love. I believe loving someone is not accepting their changes but encouraging them. And you… you make me want to be better. A better hero. You’re always pushing me to train harder, to endure the pain, to keep going. You challenge me, Katsuki. I love that. It’s like… you believe in me or something.”

“Why is it so easy for you to say that?” Bakugou asked, a pained look on his face.

“It’s not” you shook your head. Your eyes filled with tears again, you felt them running down your cheek as you chose your next words. “But I didn’t come up with them in one day. I thought about loving you and why I did that for quite some time. I want that for you too. You… need to understand what you feel for me, besides frustration. And when you do… you let me know, okay? But I can’t--” your voice broke a little and you sniffed, trying to get yourself together, even if tears were falling again. “It feels wrong for me to be with you when you’re still trying to figure out what love means to you”.

You both fell silent again. As you tried to regulate your breathing to stop crying, you felt Bakugou’s thumb wiping your tears away. You stayed like that for a couple of minutes, drowning in the presence of each other, wanting things to be different, easier, simpler.

“Okay” he exhaled. “Just…” his thumb set on your chin softly. “Give me a minute. Right now… I’d rather have this than nothing at all” he whispered. You pretended not to notice how his voice broke at the end of the sentence as he fell onto your lips again. Maybe he was right. Maybe a little love was better than none.

[classicaltrashical]

Okay I'm not pro-bakugou, but I'm not an asshole that's going to sh*t on you for liking him, but here are some reasons on why I really dont understand people shipping BakuDeku or liking Bakugou Katsuki in general. Not hating on you just stating some canon facts. By the way I tried to censor myself but I just stopped because I got so frustrated with the amount of abuse that Bakugou got away with in just the first few chapters of the manga.

1. Bakugou is abusive towards Izuku both physically and emotionally.

1. The first freaking page of the manga starts out with Bakugou punching Izuku (while probably using his quirk).

2. Page 12 of the first chapter Bakugou slams his hands onto Izuku's desk and uses his explosion to the point it blasts Izuku out of his desk.

- Also note Izuku's body language he is trying to be as small as possible because he already is acclimated to this treatment. He is also seen trying to be as small as possible.

3. Page 15 Bakugou destroys Izuku's notebook (destruction of property).

4. Page 16 Bakugou burns Izuku's shoulder. From the looks of this and Bakugou's attitude towards Izuku this appears to in some way be a common occurrence. Because obviously this is NOT the first time he burned Izuku.

5. Page 17 Bakugou tells Izuku and I quote from the VIZ My Hero Academia Volume 1 10th Printing September 2019 "You wanna be a hero so bad? I've got a timesaving idea for you. If you think you'll have a quirk in your next life... go take a swan dive off the roof!!" After this Bakugou makes small explosions on his palm in a threatening way and Izuku left in the classroom shaking in fear. Even his friends tell him that he went too far.

6. Of course you have the name Deku. Which when used in the context that Bakugou does in the anime means Defenseless Izuku and also uses it as the abbreviation of Dekunobou which roughly translates to "good for nothing."

7. In the flashback of Izuku and Bakugou after getting praised by their principal(?) Bakugou basically grabs Izuku by the collar of his uniform and shoved up against the wall all because Bakugou was jealous and mad that he was not the first and only student to go to U.A. from their middle school and mad because he thought Izuku was hiding his quirk all this time.

2. Izuku is still traumatized.

1. I've hinted at this above, but I don't think I would allow someone with a quirk that makes them sweat a nitroglycerin-like substance to put their smoldering hand on me. Seriously just that scene makes it clear that Bakugou has used his quirk to either frighten Izuku or to injure Izuku.

2. When going in for the entrance exam on page 2 of the third chapter Izuku is shown to turn away from Bakugou and appears to be even more nervous then before.

3. Izuku also thinks to himself about how he has to "stop flinching instinctively." Guys he flinches away from just hearing and/or seeing Bakugou. If you think this can become a healthy and stable relationship......??? Also a few pages after when everyone is gathering around their assigned testing locations someone says "he flinches at the slightest touch" after Iida grabs his shoulder.

- If you think that is freaking natural someone watching that unfold already freaking knows it's not f u c k i n g natural for some to be terrified of another person grabbing their shoulder when they even see the person performing the act. Startled perhaps, but not the way Izuku flinched. Once again in this scene (and like most throughout the first volume) Izuku tries to make himself smaller than he already is by tucking his chin towards his chest and looking away from Iida (who by the way is trying to meet Izuku's eye.) Izuku is so used to being physically abused by his peers that he flinches on contact.

4. Before entering the 1-A classroom for the first time Izuku prays that neither Bakugou or Iida would be in the same class and depicts Bakugou in a pretty demonic way.

5. After the meeting with the principal(?) Izuku instinctively raises his arms to try and block any explosions near his face.

6. After Izuku uses OFA through one finger in Aizawa's assessment test Bakugou is furious and when Izuku sees his barreling towards him he screams in fear. And guys this must be the first time someone has actually STOPPED Bakugou from tormenting Izuku because the look on Bakugou's face is pure shock. Meaning in the years (probably near a fucking decade) nobody has stopped anyone from bullying Izuku. Like that says it all, doesn't matter if you're pro-Bakugou or not Bakugou traumatized Izuku because his abuse and torment went from when they were just little kids after finding out Izuku was quirkless to right after the Sludge Monster.

Do I need to continue into Volume 2 with the whole Bakugou versus Izuku fight? But I will say this...

Izuku has started to heal.

As the manga and anime continue Izuku stops flinching everytime someone calls his name or touches him. He stops raising his arms to block a blow that won't come. He stops trying to sink in on himself. I think the best comparison of this is when Izuku first "raises" his hand in the first chapter to the one during Ectoplasm's math lesson where he stands up confidently and gives an answer.

But healing doesn't erase the past. Healing mentally doesn't erase physical scars (once again it is pretty obvious that Bakugou used his quirk on Izuku.)

Not to mention Bakugou has yet to confront what he did to Izuku. Hell he hasn't even changed much. The only change he did was not always call people somewhat derogatory names instead of their actual name. Don't give me that shit of "well he was kidnapped and felt guilty over All Might's retirement." That's just making a fucking excuse about why he should be forgiven. Was he held against his will for almost a fucking decade? No it was a handful of days and who got him out? Shockingly, but sadly not shockingly the one he decided to torment for years. Don't give me that shit about how apparently being a kid gets you out of trouble. Sure some of it was when he was a kid, but want to know something people age. Hell by the time he told Izuku to kill himself he would have been 14 and most likely almost 15. Which means he should have fucking known better! The only actual excuse I will allow to somewhat slide is the fact that as mentioned AIZAWA SHOTA WAS PROBABLY THE FIRST ADULT TO STOP BAKUGOU FROM HARMING IZUKU! Meaning every fucking adult that saw the way Bakugou acted didn't do jack shit which meant he was raised in a toxic system for years being told what he was doing wasn't something worth being punished for. But still Bakugou should have known better.

The fact that Izuku idolizes Bakugou shows how toxic even this "friendship" is. He is literally idolizing his abuser. And yeah Bakugou is an abuser sure he can be called a bully and a tormentor but he is an abuser. "A person who treats another person or animal with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly"- the fucking Oxford definition of abuser. I mean repeatedly throughout the series Izuku talks about how he has come to view Bakugou as an image of victory.

You want a character to be dating his past abuser? You really want that? I don't give a shit if you write a "they have a talk about their past" before they start dating in your story.

The fact that Bakugou's abuse and the trauma it did to Izuku hasn't been talked about yet in canon is also something that angers me a bit (hopefully Horikoshi has something planned for this). Because it's obvious from their fight during finals and their fight after the provisional license exam that they need to at least talk about it. And then get them both into fucking therapy because yikes they both need it.

And I do not fully agree with Bakugou being forced out of the Hero Course (as some people do), but at least some temporary removal. Mainly put him on probation for a while. Because I believe there are rules in Hero Society that prohibit even middle schoolers from using their quirks against someone(? Right these exist?)

Also if you think for one fucking second that Bakugou did not abuse Izuku and having them in a relationship is not toxic go read the manga and watch the anime both from the beginning because you are missing some cues.

I know that this is was supposed to be about why I don't see how people can ship this and it turned into a rant. I never really care about what other people ship but just think about this. I wrote this mainly because I have seen some people around saying that anti-bakugous overexaggerate and say that Bakugou want not an abuser when ah clearly he is. Like I could go onnnnnnnnn about how much damage Bakugou did to Izuku. We aren't exaggerating you just need to go back to the beginning and see how shitty Bakugou treated Izuku.

If you want to make an argument about how Bakugou is a good guy and how he has learned and changed and it's all good now come @ me I have volumes 1-23 and the other manga chapters on stand by and my Hulu is up and ready.

Not actually looking for an argument but I could have made this post longer but it's now almost 8am I haven't slept a wink and I'm tired.

[gashinabts]

The Deal

Word: 8.8k

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Summary:  Entering your room you immediately lay on your bed sighing with exhaustion, you lift the money and start counting the money. “ 20,40,60,80...what the fuck…” you continue counting the money until it’s to five hundred dollars. “ Here I come, Jungkook.”

Warnings: Mature language

A/N: AHHH I’m soooo sorry I haven’t been posting lately due to this crazy pandemic a lot of unfortunate things have happened to me. I hope you guys like this fic, it took me awhile to plan it and write it, and I’m still disappointed in it :( I wish you all good health and please be careful!! Make sure to always wash your pretty hands!!!

“ Her parents have been married for twenty years but she thinks her mother is having an affair. She still wants to find love like them well...at the moment when they were happy. Her favorite movie is Fight Club because she thinks it makes her have good taste in movies. She doesn’t kiss on the first date because she doesn’t want to seem too easy,” you finish your statement and hold your hand out. “ That would be a hundred dollars.”

Jimin hurriedly reaches from his back pocket and looks for cash in his wallet. He’s about to give you the money but stops himself. “ Is that all? Did Heejin say anything about me?”

“ Well I can’t just randomly say your name in our conversations. You know how long it took me to be her friend and I had to listen to her complain about everything.” Jimin gives you a sad pout and gives you an extra twenty dollars. “ Fine okay. We were playing truth or dare and she said she wouldn’t mind getting on

her knees for someone on the football team…”

“ And…”

“ It was you. Happy now?” You smile once he hands you the money. You smirk while counting the money. “ There’s also one more thing but I don’t think I should tell you.” You sigh and put the rest of the textbooks in your bag

He slides you another twenty dollars, “ Tell me.”

“ She lost her virginity in a small car and she regretted it. It was to some random guy. Well she wants her first boyfriend to think she’s a virgin so it can be special to her. She only told me since we are ‘close friends’. Now it’s your time to woo her or whatever.” You grab the cash and put it in your wallet. You quickly say bye to Jimin and walk out of the library.

You enter the classroom and take your notebook out. “ Hey. Wanna hangout afterschool? My parents aren’t home, we were thinking of throwing a kickback?,” Heejin asks you as she takes her notebook out.

“ Uhh... can’t I’m really busy with homework.” This was the hardest part of doing this ‘job’, trying to get rid of your relationship with them.

Heejin shakes you lightly, “ C’mon you can worry about your homework another time. And guess who’s going to be there?”

You look at the time on your phone wondering when the teacher is going to come. “ Who’s coming?” You fake a smile and twirl your pencil.

“Jimin’s coming. He asked me out on a date so I asked him if he wanted to chill.”

Wow he works fast. Heejin always has alcohol at her place; one drink wouldn’t hurt. “ Okay I’ll go but I can only go for an hour.” The teacher comes and class starts.

--

You show up to the kickback forty five minutes late. “ Y/N. Nice for you to show up,” Taehyung says while giving you a drink.

Taehyung is someone you rarely talk to, he’s the guy who just casually nods his head at you when you see each other around the hall. He’s also the guy you gave a handjob to.

“ Hey. I had to walk here. Thanks.” He looks out of place wearing oversized sweats and a hoodie. “ Where’s Heejin?” You should at least say hello to her ,stay for a while, and leave. He holds your hand and leads you upstairs to a door that is slightly ajared.

He whispers to you in your ear, “ She’s in there with Jimin.” You look in the small opening and you see her on his lap making out. So much for not kissing on the first date you think to yourself.

“ Is she drunk?” You whisper back to Taehyung.

“Most likely she had like five shots and a beer.” He opens the door slightly more, “ Aren’t you going to help your friend?”

Oh yeah she’s your friend. You opened the door more and walked into her bedroom. “ Heejin! I’m here!,” you smile at her as she turns her head at an angle to see you. Heejin smiles brightly and gets off of Jimin, and hugs you tightly.

“ You're here! I thought you weren’t going to come.” She pouts while holding your hands. Jimin coughs lightly and stands up from the bed. “ Oh this is Jimin. I don’t know if you guys like properly know each other.”  

You know Jimin quite alright, you probably know him more than she does. He’s the guy who paid over hundred dollars to get to know her more. Know her more than any instagram post. “ Hey, you're the guy that throws the football across the field and hopes that someone catches it. I’m Y/N,” you smile at him      

Jimin laughs and smiles brightly at you. You got to admit he’s an attractive guy and he’s stacked with money. Jimin and Heejin will make a good couple, they are both the same. “ Yeah that’s me. Nice meeting you.” He grabs his cup from the desk and looks into it, “I should get a refill. Anyone want more?”

Heejin is about to say something but someone interrupts her. “ No, I think they are good.” You turn to see Taehyung still waiting by the door. Jimin lets out a small okay and walks out kissing Heejin on the cheek. “ Alright, I should get home. It was nice seeing you Y/N. Thanks for the party Heejin.” With that said Taehyung leaves.

“ Are you and Taehyung something?” Heejin giggles at her own question.

“ No way. He was just talking to me.”

You ended up staying the whole time and helping Heejin clean up. Heejin knocks out the moment she lays on her bed. It’s really late, you should get home. You're about to lock Heejin’s front door until a girl yells to stop. You’ve seen her around campus. She's really pretty but you don’t know her name.

“ Hey I left my wallet in the house, I’ll be quick.” She goes into the living room and grabs her wallet. “ Hey, your Y/N, right?” You are surprised she knows your name, she’s way too popular, more popular than Heejin.

“ Yeah. That’s me...,” you say to her while walking away from Heejin’s house. “ And you are?”

She gives you a flash of surprise, “ Chaeyoung. Do you need a ride?” Chaeyoung points at her shiny black jeep.

“ Yeah, that would be great,” you smile at her. She is pretty and nice, huh.

When you enter her car it has the lingering smell of a new car. The dashboard was nice and shiny. You told her where you lived, looking outside the window you hum a familiar tune on the radio.

Chaeyoung asked softly while looking at the road,“ So Y/N how’s business these days?”

You froze at her question only a selective amount of people know about your so called business. If everyone knew of you what you do, then there would be no point in this business. You only had a few clients at school and mostly were rich boys wanting information on girls so they can date or hook up. Yeah, it sounds sleazy but it’s going to help pay for college.

“ Don’t freak out on me Y/N. It’s just a simple question,” she laughs while she looks at you at a frozen state. “ It was Hoseok who told me. I couldn’t believe that Hoseok managed to have sex with Miyeon. I know Miyeon, she’s sweet, pure, saving herself for marriage. And I asked myself how’d did Hoseok, a guy who likes to have sex with a new girl every month, have sex with her. I forced an answer out of him.”

That asshole can’t keep his mouth shut. What are you gonna do now, maybe you could try to lie and find a way to get out of this situation. You need this job.

“ I-,” you start to say.

“ I gotta admit it was pretty incredible that you managed to do that,” she lets out a whistle. “ Don’t worry Y/N, I won’t tell anyone.”

You felt a rush of a relief, “ Okay thanks.” You wipe your sweat from your hands and take out a piece of gum from your purse. You gave her a piece, she laughs while putting it in her mouth.

“ Since you're so good at your job, can I be your client,” she asked, tapping her light pink polish nails against the steering wheel.

This was the first time a girl asked you she wanted information on someone. “ It cost money,” you advise her.

“ I know a good amount of money, and I have a good amount of money,” she smiles and turns left. “ I need information about Jungkook.”

There’s no way you can do this job. First he’s a male and the chances of me trying to become him his friend would be impossible. Second he’s way too popular, he has his own group of friends that wouldn’t allow me to talk to him. Third, he's rich and powerful if he finds out that you did this to him, you don’t even know what will happen to you. Let’s try to veer her away from this person. You laugh cooly, “ Trust me you don’t need my help. You have a pretty smile, nice legs, and a new car. Plus, I see you are already close to Jungkook. You guys sit together at lunch with his other friends.”

Chaeyoung doesn’t say anything for the next few minutes and you think that she forgot about this subject but unfortunately she doesn’t. “ You know I have been Jungkook’s friend...or whatever he claims I am for like three years?,” she asked you. You hum for her to continue on. “...I want to be his girlfriend, something official. He’s very hot and rich, and his father has his own law firm and his mother is head surgeon of that new hospital. I think we will look good together...no I know we will look good together.” Chaeyoung parks her car in front of your house. “ I know I’m all those things you described me as but the problem is...I can’t seem to get to really know him. You know after we have sex he takes a shower and he just leaves. No pillow talks and even when I try to talk to him he puts up a wall, a fucking wall I can’t get over. So that’s when you come in Y/N, you do the impossible, and I need you to do this for me.”

“ I understand but—”

Chaeyoung interrupts before you can finish,“ I’ll pay you whatever you want. Does five thousand sound okay?” This girl is really desperate and really rich.

“ Okay, it sounds like a deal,” you stick your hand out and shake her hand. You can’t believe you are taking this deal, wow money does change a person's mind.

You are about to leave until her hand gently grabs your elbow. “ Here, consider it a deposit.” Chaeyoung gives you some cash. You bid your goodbyes and enter your house.

Entering your room you immediately lay on your bed sighing with exhaustion, you lift the money and start counting the money. “ 20,40,60,80...what the fuck…” you continue counting the money until it’s to five hundred dollars.

“ Here I come, Jungkook.”

--

“ Wait we really did make out! I’m so stupid you think I would have known the first time I did this,” Heejin says while placing her head in disappointment.

“ Wait, you were drunk when you lost your virginity?,” you asked. Stop pretending you care Y/N, she’s not your friend, you were paid to be her friend.

Heejin gives a sad glance and nods her head. You place your hands on her back rubbing it soothingly. “ Hey, it’s okay. If you ever want to talk about it, I’m all ears,” you smile at her and she smiles back.

“ Thank you, Y/N. I never had a good friend like you.” You roll your eyes jokingly, trying not to take the compliment to heart. “ Y/N, I really mean it. I gotta go to Calculus, see you later!”  

You enter your Chemistry classroom sitting down on your assigned seat.

 “ Okay settle down class. You know what today is? It’s lab day.”

You look to your left to see that your partner isn’t here. What was his name? Jinwoo no it wasn’t that...Jinhwan—“Y/N, Sangchul transferred to another school, go find another partner,” the teacher said loudly.

Looking around you see another student with an empty seat next to him. You stood in front of him and was shocked to see him. Jungkook. How convenient for you. You never knew he was in your class. “ Can I be your partner?,” you ask him. There was no one beside him so you naturally assumed he'd say yes.

“ I have a partner already,” Jungkook says it curtly. His eyes briefly make eye contact with yours and then he looks back at the textbook.

“ My bad I didn’t see him sitting right next to you, oh wait he’s not,” you sarcastically speak. You didn’t mean for it to come out like that he was being rude first. Jungkook looks at you and rolls his eyes. Fuck, he can’t hate you, you have to get close to him. “ Sorry I didn’t mean to sound like that. But can I please be your partner. It's only for this lab day. I may be shit at chemistry but I’m good at helping…,” you timidly smile. Jungkook ignores you and you are about to leave until he sighs loudly.

“ Fine. You can be my partner,” he pushes the chair out beside him. You silently cheer in your head. Jungkook is different from all the other people you work with. He’s harder to approach almost not welcoming than the others. Placing your things beside you, you stay at a safe distance from him. The teacher hands Jungkook the lab assignment instructions and he reads it for about three minutes, then hands it to you.

You briefly scan it and look at him, only to see his side profile, and he’s writing things in his lab notebook. You don’t want to bother him since you don’t want to get on his bad side. Occasionally Jungkook would make comments related to the lab and you would quickly jot them down on your own notebook. “ Sorry, I wasn’t much help,” you tell Jungkook.

“ It’s fine,” he says and reaches for the lab assignment paper by your hands. You give it to him and he quickly says thanks, handing it to the teacher.

He takes your lab notebook along with his and turns it to the front desk. You quickly slip your history notebook in his backpack before he comes back. “ See you later,” you leave with your belongings.

--

Chaeyoung is smoking in the school parking, leaning against her car. “ How’d it go?,” she asked once you got closer to her.

She offers you a cigarette and you shake your head no, “ Great, Jungkook said five sentences to me,” you kick a rock that was by you.

You look at her blow out the smoke in a different direction and she laughs, “ Sounds like him. At least he said something, when we first met he was silent the whole time.” She throws the cigarette on the floor and steps on it, “ We had sex this morning.”

“ Okay…” you say awkwardly. You didn’t need to know that but okay.

“ He’s being more distant than usual. I don’t mean to rush you but I’m running out of time here.” Chaeyoung grabs the mirror from her purse and reapplies her lipstick.

How the hell are you going to make him get closer to you? Jungkook is a difficult person to talk to and now Chaeyoung is rushing you. “ Okay, I’ll work faster.”

She smiles, “ Good.”

You walk back to the cafeteria and look around for Jungkook, he’s sitting down with the rest of his friends and he’s laughing. You walk closer to the table and Jimin is the first person to greet you. “ Y/N! How’s it going?,” he swings his arm over your shoulder. Jungkook looks towards you and is surprised to see you.

“ I’m doing good, Heejin told me you looked cute today,” you come up with an excuse. Jimin blushes and scratches his head. “ By the way is it cool for us to join you guys for lunch?,” you ask curiously.

“ Yeah join us!,” he exclaimed excitedly.

Heejin is talking to one of her other friends and you interrupt them “ Hey Heejin, Jimin invited us to eat with them.” She looks at you in shock and flushes when you drag her to the table.

Jimin invites her to sit with him, you stand along the table searching where you should sit. “ You can sit here,” one of Jungkook’s friends said. You sit between Jungkook and his friend. “ What’s your name?”

“ Y/N. And yours?,” you ask politely. You feel your thighs brushing up against Jungkooks and you scoot closer to his friend.

“ Namjoon. I think you are in my AP Physics class, you beat me with the highest mark on the test,” he jokingly states.

“ Oh, that’s you! You were always a point ahead of me so I finally decided to study a little bit. Wow, it feels good to see the person I beat,” you smile. Jungkook looks invested in the conversation but doesn’t say anything.

Namjoon barks a laugh, his dimples fully on display, “ A little bit? I’m impressed, you gotta show me your ways,” he nudges his elbow against you.

“ How do you suck at chemistry but not in AP physics?,” Jungkook asked you and you turned to look at him. “—Sorry it doesn’t make sense to me, physics is way harder than chemistry.”

Finally he decides to talk to you, baby steps Y/N. “ My dad is a Physics professor,” you tell both of them. Both of their eyes widen and you laugh, “ I’m kidding. I’m not sure why I’m really good at physics. What are you good at Jungkook? You look like you're good at Literature.”

Namjoon intervens, “ He’s good at everything.” Jungkook subtly rolls his eyes but Namjoon doesn’t see it, only you.

“ Oh is that so. Must be sad to be good at everything,” you say indirectly to Jungkook.

“ How so?,” Namjoon asked, pushing his glasses up. “ Being good at everything means you can accomplish anything.”

You think thoughtfully, “ People will always have this high standard of you though. If you don’t meet their expectation won’t you be useless since you are supposedly good at everything? Even if you could accomplish anything would you be accomplishing things that you want? I wouldn’t want to be perceived as someone who is good at everything, they must be really lonely.”

You look back at Jungkook and he stares at you for a long time. “ Excuse me, I need to use the restroom.” He leaves quickly and says goodbye to the rest of his friends.

“ Wow, he’s in a rush. So Y/N about that upcoming physics test…” Namjoon scoots closer to you.

--

You lay your head against the table in the library listening to your music and softly hum. A blue notebook comes into your view when it’s placed on the table. You sit up and see Jungkook standing by the table, you take your earphones off, “ I found your history notebook in my backpack, I don’t know how it got there,” he gives a skeptical look.

“ I’m not sure either, thanks anyways,” you lay your head back down. Jungkook looks at you closely and you laugh, “ Need company?”

He shakes his head and is about to leave but then turns back and sits right next to you, “ What’s wrong with you?”

“ Nothing just tired. I feel like I’m always tired, I don't know of what,” you continue to lay your head.

He taps his finger against the table lightly, “ It sounds like you're depressed.”

“ Probably.” Your fingers go beside his and lightly tap with his. “ Are you good at everything Jungkook?,” his fingers stop tapping.

“ Why do you care?,” Jungkook said defensively.

“ I don’t care,” you bring your hand closer to you. Any minute he’s going to give you a tragic story but then again he’s not like the others. Jungkook is cautious of you and he should have every right to be. “ What’s your favorite color?” You switch the conversation to ease the tension between you two.

“ Black,” he says quietly. You ask him why as you close your eyes. “ Black is simple, it’s not complicated. There’s no light or dark black. It’s just black.” You hum an okay and smile when he asks you what’s your favorite color.

“ Today it’s blue. I don’t have a favorite color because it always changes when different people ask me,” you sit up and look at him. “ I have to go, it takes forever for me to walk home. It was nice talking to you Jungkook.”

--

You start sitting next to Jungkook more often and Chaeyoung watches from the side. It goes on for weeks and your surprise that he hasn’t pushed you away. He talks to you in short sentences, never anything deep. You both are in the library individually listening to your own music. Your head is once again against the table, you feel Jungkook tap you on the back, you take your earphones out as a sign that you are listening. “ Y/N, what’s the thing that you are most afraid of?”

Why should you tell him? Jungkook is like every other person, someone you pretend to be friends with. He shouldn’t know anything about you but you tell him anyways. “ Getting old. Seeing yourself get old and people dying around you, wondering when your time is up. What about you Jungkook?”

“ You know the first time you hangout with us at lunch, that scared me the most. I like how closed off my friend group is, it scares me when new people come into my life. I don’t know what they want...I don’t know what I’m saying,” he sighs and lays his head next to you. Both of you stare at each other and his eyes are shining, you hate how hopeful it looks so you close your eyes.

“ You fear me?,” you ask softly.

“ No,” he clarifies.

It is silent for a while and he finally speaks “ I was in middle school when my dad introduced me to one of his interns at his work. Areum, that was her name, she just got out of law school. She was nice and pretty...I saw them having sex in my dad’s office. I hated her so much I slashed her tires and broke her mirrors.” You open your eyes and his eyes are closed. “ My mom knows that my dad has affairs, she just lets it happen.”

He must be lonely at his house. “ What’s your favorite food?,” you ask Jungkook.

“ Pork belly. Yours?,” he smiles for the first time at you.

“ Today it is kimchi fried rice.”

He sighs, “ Why do you always do that Y/N?”

“ Do what?”

“ Tell me things that other people want to hear. You did it with the ‘what’s your favorite color question too’. I really want to know what you like and hate,” Jungkook says softly.

You flush a little, never ever having to tell what you want or what you like. “ I like Sundubu-jjigae. My Dad used to make it for me when I was younger,” you smile to yourself.

Jungkook chuckles, “ When you were younger, you make it sound like you're in your mid thirties. Why doesn’t he make it for you anymore?” He is disappointed to see your smile disappear when he asks this question.

“ He’s busy,” you want to tell Jungkook all your troubles but you swallow them. “ Wake me up in 15 minutes,” you close your eyes and rest on the hard table.

--

Chaeyoung invites you to her party and you really don’t want to go but you have to. Once you enter the party you go straight to the alcohol, taking two shots before looking for Chaeyoung. She’s smoking outside and standing beside her, she offers you a hit and you take it.

“ How’s it going with him?” she immediately asked.

You blow the smoke away from her, “Good I guess, he’s gotten closer to me.” You hand the blunt back to her.

“ I can tell. Anything important he said?”

There’s always a small part of you that feels guilty when you have to tell the clients shared secrets. “ His dad is having an affair with his interns. He hates that his mom doesn’t say anything. He’s sad that he can never love or be loved.”

“ Hm, good work. Do you think he’ll ever love me?” Chaeyoung gives a new blunt and you take it.

No Jungkook will never love Chaeyoung. “ Yes. Just give him time.”

“ Okay.” She smiles bashfully to herself. “ Keep up with the good work.” And with that she leaves you. You look at the blunt in your hands and put it in your pocket.

You walk around her house looking at her pictures that are against the wall. She looks like the only child, the house looks big and pristine despite all the people here, she must be spoiled. You go upstairs to use the bathroom and then you stay there for thirty minutes watching videos on your phone. You get a text from Namjoon to see if you were at the party, you tell him yes and go downstairs. “ Hey Y/N! Studied hard for the test tomorrow?”

“ Of course not, I’m here partying,” you smile at him giving him a drink. Namjoon laughs and goes to the dance floor.

“Hey Y/N.” Jungkook says.

“ What’s up. Wanna get high?” You take the blunt and wave it in front of his face.

He laughs and smiles at you, nodding his head yes. Jungkook leads you to a bedroom and you assume it’s Chaeyoung because there's pictures of her and her friends. You go towards her window and open, you feel a cold breeze and you shiver. “ Here,” he pulls his hoodie off and hands it to you.

“ Uh, Thanks,” you put over you and immediately feel warmth. It smells like him. You don’t know how to describe it but it’s nice. You light up the joint and inhale the smoke letting it consume your lungs. Jungkook takes the joint and does the same. He blows it out and sighs in content.

“ This is some good shit. Who did you get this from?,” Jungkook sits down on the bed.

“ Your girlfriend. The tall pretty girl who always wears red lipsticks,” you laugh and lay on the bed with your joint close by. He doesn’t say anything and you pass the joint to him. It goes on like this for a while just passing it back and forward until there wasn’t nothing left. You throw the butt in the trashcan by the bed. Jungkook lays beside you looking at the ceiling and chuckles.

“ She’s not my girlfriend. Just someone who’s using me,” he turns sideways to look at you. “ But it’s okay I’m using her too,” he says softly.

The weed makes you feel light and you are not functioning straight. And for that reason the words that came out his mouth made you laugh. They are all using each other including you. Jungkook gives you weird stares but smiles anyways asking you what’s funny. “ Nothing I’m just really fucking high and I haven’t been high in a long time,” you try to wipe the tears in your eyes but you feel his hands wiping them away. His fingers brush against your cheek and he is staring into your eyes. If this was a romantic novel both you guys would've kissed but it’s not. The warmth of his hand is gone and it feels cold, you don’t deserve to feel his warmth. “ If you don’t mind me asking how are you guys using each other?”

 Jungkook sighs, “ Chaeyoung only wants me because I come from a rich family. I would be like a prize or something to her. I only use her for sex. Just meaningless sex,” he looks at you to see if your expression has changed but it didn’t. If Jungkook can see it so easily then why doesn’t Chaeyoung see it.  “ Have you ever used anyone Y/N?”

“ You,” you say mindlessly. What if you told him the truth would Jungkook still want to be your friend? He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “ Yeah, when I asked to be your partner in chemistry.” Jungkook laughs at your statement and scoots closer to you.

“You’re so pretty,” he lets out under his breath.

Your heart skips a beat but you shouldn’t feel this way. “ And you are high.” You laugh while pushing his chest a little. Your hands feel his toned chest blushing you pull your hands away.

“ I am but you are still pretty. I thought you were pretty the first time I saw you. Also a little bit mean,” he smiles thoughtfully. His hand reaches to the fallen strands of your hair pushing it back from your face.

“ Of course you would remember being mean,” you roll your eyes.

“ Yeah you made a bad impression. It’s okay I like you.” He continues to make eye contact to see your reaction.

Fuck Jungkook likes you. Why does he have to make it so much harder than it already is? And why do you feel happiness when he confesses to you? “Why do you like me?”

“ You understand me. I could talk to you about anything and you just know how I feel.”

“Jungkook I—”

“It’s okay you don’t need to say anything,” he pinches your cheek and laughs. “God I’m so hungry we—”

“Jungkook can you kiss me?” You bite your bottom lip nervously and play with the string of his hoodie.

He doesn't say anything but leans closer, “ Are you sure?” Nodding your head and closing your eyes, you hope that this kiss doesn’t affect you in any way. His lips kiss you carefully while his hand holds your cheek. It feels nice, it’s not like that kind of kiss that makes you feel like you're in heaven or that you find the answer to every unsolvable question. But it feels like you can kiss him and you won’t have to worry about anything.

He pulls back with hazy eyes and a smile, you pull him back for a second kiss. His tongue traces your bottom lip asking for permission to enter, and you grant him. The position is uncomfortable since you are both laying on the side so he hovers over while you keep kissing him. His lips leave yours and you whine a little, and he laughs but continues his kisses to your neck. The feeling of lips on your neck makes you feel warm all over your body. He bites your skin on a sensitive part of your neck and you gasp.

“ Jungkook…” You sighed. He groans and you place your hands on his hair, tugging it lightly so he can return to your lips. One of his hands goes to rest between his hoodie you’re wearing and your shirt, caressing your stomach. The kisses become more desperate and you start to feel his hard member against your core.

He pulls back from the kiss and looks at you with a fond smile,“ Y/N, I like you a lot. I haven’t felt this way with anyone before.” He rests his head against your neck, laying completely on you.

Laughing you play with his hair, “ You’re heavy!”

“ Just let me stay here for a while,” he muffles against your neck. You turn your head to the side and see the picture of Chaeyoung and her friends. Fuck what are you doing Y/N.  

--

You are walking to your Literature class and feel someone pull you into a classroom. It’s the art classroom where students normally work on pieces and leave them there to be secured. Taehyung locks the door and stares at you with a deadly glare, crossing your arms. “ What the hell are you doing Y/N?”

“ What the hell am I doing? What the hell are you doing?” You try to leave but he steps in front of the door. “ Move, Taehyung.”

“ What are you planning to do with Jungkook?”

You scoff and look around the room, “ Nothing.” You weren’t surprised that Taehyung knew what was going on, he was always suspicious of you even with Jimin.

“ Y/N, don’t fucking play dumb. You especially don’t want to fuck with me,” he says sternly.

“ Why does this concern you?”

“ Because Jungkook is my friend! I don’t want him to get hurt because of this stupid game you like to play.”

You laugh bitterly, “ A game? You think this is a game?”

“ Well I’ve seen the shit you do Y/N, you’ve done with Hoseok and Jimin. And now Jungkook. Just to have fun playing with people’s feelings.  Stay the hell away from him,” he turns his back from you.

“ Wait up asshole,” you grab his wrist so he can look at you. “ You don’t have the right to talk to me like that. You think I do this for fun? Huh, you think I like fucking do this. Not everyone is as privileged as you,” you rant and there’s angry tears starting to fall out.

Taehyung’s face shows nothing but confusion, “ Y/N...why are you crying?”

You wipe the tears away, “ I don’t like it Taehyung. I really don’t. I just need the money for college.” You push him to the side so you can exit the classroom but he stops you.

“ Y/N, I can help you. My dad knows people that can give you high paying job-”

“ Stop, I don’t want your pity.”

“ Shut up and listen to me,” he says and you give him a glare. “ Sorry, but I just don’t want you to do this anymore Y/N. I can tell it’s hurting you. Please stop this and tell Jungkook the truth.”

--

The library is empty and it’s just the two of you silently working on school work. “ Want to play Xbox at my house?” You stop typing your essay when Jungkook asks you this.

Sighing you close the laptop, “Yeah, I’m beat with this essay.” He helps you pack up your stuff and leads you to his car. It’s your first time in his car and it suits him. As he continues driving to his home you pass through multiple affluent neighborhoods. Finally when you arrive at his place your eyes widen. It's bigger than Chaeyoung and it’s front lawn looks so green and spacious.

After silently gawking at the inside of his house he leads you to his room. You immediately are fond of the scent and the pictures of the room. A picture frame is placed on his desk, grabbing it you smile. “ That’s me and Taehyung. When we were younger.”

“Kim Taehyung?”

“ Yeah we are great friends, he doesn’t hangout with us during lunch since he is busy finishing touches on his art portfolio for college,” he says while setting the Xbox on. “ You two know each other?,” he looks back at you with a curious gaze.

“ Not really. We had art history together ,” you casually say while you sit on his bed.

Few hours passed and your multiple losses with his video games had made you upset but it was fun. You never had this much fun in a long time. He laughs when he kills in the video game and you throw a pillow at his head. “C’mon don’t be a sore loser,” he grabs your remote and places it on his console.

“ I have every right to be, you don't even give me a chance,” you pout and lay down on his bed. Your skirt rises showing more skin and Jungkook stares at it. His fingers brush your thighs carefully, you flush at the nice sensation. He looks away from your legs and throws a small blanket on them, and sits on his bed with his back against the headboard. You copy his actions and lay your head against his shoulder just looking at his black screen tv. “ Have you ever cared for someone, Jungkook?”

“ I would say no but I would be lying to myself,” he touches your hair carefully. You lean into his touch like a needy kitten. “What about you?”

“ I’m starting to care for someone but I’m scared I might hurt him—“

“Then don’t,” Jungkook said sternly. “...Don’t hurt him. Don’t hurt me,” this time he says softly. You turn to look at him and he looks beautiful with his soft features but determined eyes. He closes the gap between you two and kisses you gently. It’s warm, you feel warm like everything is perfect but it’s not.

“ Jungkook we shouldn’t,” you lightly push his chest. He looks at you with hurt and confusion but backs off.“I just...I don’t want to complicate things.”

He looks lost and searches for your eyes, “ I don’t understand… I thought you like me… I like–“

“ Please Jungkook, you don’t like me. You say you like me but your having sex with other people. You're just fascinated with me because you're lonely…you don’t like me. No one will,” you say quickly and rush to get your things.

“ What the hell are you talking about?,” he voice rises. “ Chaeyoung is nothing to me. I haven’t had sex with her since we like met. Don’t you dare call me fucking lonely when your fucking lonely yourself. You analyze people thinking you're better than everyone, guess what you're not. You're just good at lying to yourself,” he finishes and pushes his head hair back in frustration.

You don’t say anything because all of those were true and it hurts to hear him say it. “Goodbye Jungkook,” you quickly walk out of his house despite him calling your name.

—-

It’s been a few days since the fight with Jungkook and you’ve been dreading to get up each morning. The rainy weather fits your mood and you're done with all this shit. You send Chaeyoung a text if you can talk to her and she invites you to her house.

You're in front of her house door and you open it since she said she left it open for you. Walking upstairs you hear moaning and you halt. It’s coming from her bedroom and your heart stops. “Fuck–Jungkook! Please don’t stop!” The sound of the bed frame hitting the wall is making your head hurt so you back down stairs to the living and wait there. Listening to Jungkook and Chaeyong have sex put a pang on your heart. You really thought Jungkook liked you and now you feel like a fool.

You hear them stop wiping your tears and fixing yourself up, you hear footsteps coming down stairs. Pretending to type vigorously on the keyboard on your phone you make yourself look busy. “Y/N?,” you look up to see Jungkook and it hurts even more to see him. He’s lightly shining because of the sweat and there’s red marks on his neck.

You try to smile at him but it's just filled with sadness, “ Hey. I just needed to give her something.”

“ Y/N, it’s not what you–fuck I’m stupid. Can we talk later or something? Please I want to talk to you,” Jungkook pleads as he tries to grasp your hands. “I’m sorry about everything and this meant nothing I was sad and she–

“ It’s okay. I’ll see you later,” you squeeze his hand. Jungkook gives you a hopeful look.

You walk upstairs and Chaeyoung is lying down naked on her bed with her phone in her hands. You see her clothes on the floor and you hand it to her. It hurts to see her lying in bed breathless because of Jungkook. She dresses while you talk, “ I don’t want to do this anymore. The contract is cancelled.”

Chaeyoung's eyes widened, “Why?” You don’t answer her and look away as she throws away the used condom on the floor. “You caught feelings for Jungkook, huh? I can tell the way you look at him and the way he looks at you. I didn’t pay you to fucking make him fall in love with you Y/N.”

“ It’s not that...he doesn’t like you, okay. He already knows that you want him because he’s wealthy and hot. It’s pointless to continue this”

“ And what about you Y/N? He likes you because you are not using him? Last time I checked you were getting paid to use him.”

“Whatever I’m done.”

“I’ll tell him what you do,” Chaeyoung threatens you.

“ I was going to tell him anyways. Don’t forget you are the one who paid me to do this, we are both not innocent,” you leave her house.

You lay in bed for a couple days not bothering to go to school. You tell your mom that you have bad period cramps and she doesn’t attempt to force you to go to school. Jungkook texted you multiple times but you're too scared to read his messages. After three days you decided to go to school and you dread it, you purposely walk slower as you walk there.

“ It’s lab day guys! Nice for you to come to class Y/N,” the teacher welcomes as you enter the class late. You are walking to your desk until she interrupts, “ Y/N sit by Jungkook, his partner isn’t here today.”

You walk towards the empty desk beside him and look at the lab assignment that was on the desk. “ Where were you these past days? I kept texting you but you didn’t answer. I’m sorry that you saw me at Chaeyoung’s house. I still mean what I said at the party... ” Jungkook bites his lip trying to see your face but you're staring down at the assignment. “Y/N…”

You hear every word that he says but it still hurts that he had sex with her but then it wasn’t like if you guys were together. “ The first answer has a frequency of 1.9 GHz,” you say. You did the calculations in your head. The first time you met you lied to him saying that you were bad at chemistry. “ I lied to you Jungkook, I’m good at chemistry. I’m sorry.”

He looks at you with confusion, “ It’s okay... but are you okay? You don’t look well,” he checks if you have fever by letting his hand rest on your forehead.

“ Are you really okay with me lying to you?,” you say quietly. His hands leave your forehead and look at you carefully. “ I need to tell you something.”

“ Jungkook, Y/N! Are you guys done flirting, the assignment is due after class,” the teacher yells out from the front of the class. You hear a couple students chuckling and Jungkook rolls his eyes.

“ We will talk about this later, okay? He pats your thigh and continues to solve the problems.

You are both outside for lunch sitting in his car. “ You can tell me anything Y/N. I’m here for you,” Jungkook stares at you and grabs your hand.

“ I was paid to get close to you Jungkook,” you say without taking breath.

“ What?,” he laughs incredulously. You don’t laugh with him, “ Is this a joke?,” he says seriously.

“ No it’s not. I get paid by certain people you want to be with a person. I get their secrets and what’s so important to them and tell the person who’s paying.” You look at him and there’s a million questions that’s going on inside of him. “ Chaeyoung paid me, Jungkook.” He stops holding your hand and gives you a hard stare. “ I’m sorry, I am really sorry. I wish I could take it back but I can’t.”

He lets out a humourless laugh, “ Wow, and I was stupid enough to tell you everything. I told fucking things that I haven’t told anyone and you tell her. And to believe that I actually thought you liked me, cared for me--”

“ I do care! I like you so much Jungkook that for once in my life I was happy and I wasn’t tired,” you plead with tears in your eyes.

“ Get out. You used me, I don’t think I can ever so your face again. Leave.” Jungkook looks out his window not wanting to see your face as you leave his car.

“ Hey Y/N, where have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere--,” Heejin says but you hug her crying into her shoulder. “ It’s okay let it all out,” she pats your back soothing your whimpers.

“ I’m so sorry Heejin. I’m sorry, thank you for being my friend but I ruined it all,” you cry out. You feel Heejin looking around the halls and she leads you to the bathroom.

“ How...what have you ruined?” Heejin softly asks while pushing your hair out of your face.

“ I do awful things. You won’t like me after I tell you.” You look at her and she looks like an angel with her white dress.

She shakes her head, “ Tell me and I will find a way to understand.”

You tell her what you do and she looks confused half the time as you explain it going through each client you had but never stating their name. You expect her to yell at you, to look at you in shame, or just to simply leave but she doesn't do either of those things. Instead she hugs you tight, “ You must have been going through a rough time being all by yourself.”

“ Heejin… Jimin paid me to do this to you. I’m sorry, I don’t deserve your--”

“ But you told me the truth right now, you understand what you did was wrong and you are apologizing for it.” You shake your head and the tears are slowing down but your heart still hurts. “ It takes two people to make a transaction, you shouldn’t be the only one hurting, Y/N.”

“ Thank you Heejin. I..I uh I want to thank you for being a good friend. If we can still be friends…”

“ Y/N stop. We are still friends. Let’s get out of the restroom, it smells like weed,” she smiles and grabs your hand. You walk together towards her car and she tells you what’s been going on with her cat. It goes silent when she mentions Jimin. “ I have to talk about this to him,” she sighs and you squeeze her hand lightly.

The weeks pass by and you’re in your AP Physics class when Namjoon decides to sit next to you. “Why haven’t you’ve been sitting with us anymore?” He whispers while the teacher is lecturing.

“I’ve been busy with college admissions,” you tune out the teacher’s voice. He does a bad job at teaching anyways.

“Something happened between you and Jungkook, right ?”

“Why would you even need to ask me if you knew it already.” You roll your eyes and solve the problems for today’s homework.

“ You know I wanted to ask you out after you started hanging out with us.” He gives you a cheeky smile and you laugh. “ I told Jungkook that I was into you this was before the Chaeyong’s party...and he told me that you’re not into people with glasses.”

“Why would I not be into people with glasses when I sometimes wear them?” You stifle laughter with your hand.

He barks out a laugh and the teacher looks at you two but continues on. “ Jungkook doesn’t think through things. But I caught on that little Jungkookie had a crush on you.”

“ Not anymore,” you sigh.

“ Talk to him please. He looks like shit, he always looks at your table at lunchtime. Contemplating how to talk to you,” he looks at your homework and checks his answer.

“ What if he doesn’t want to listen to me?” You look at his answer to see a significant difference.

“He’ll listen. If he doesn’t tell him that you are going to date me,” he says jokingly. “ Y/N please help me with this,” pointing at his obvious wrong answer.

Heejin is waiting for you in the school parking lot wanting to eat at a new ramen place. Walking to her car you hear your name being called and it’s from Chaeyoung. What does she want, walking to her you, you see her smoking. “ Make it quick.”

“What a way to greet me,” she chuckles. “ How are you?” She flicks the cigarette on the floor and steps on it.

“ Good. See you later.” You say and turn around to leave.

“ We are still having sex.”

You stop and feel anger and sadness rising within you but you put it aside, “What do you want?”

“ I heard him cry when he was in the shower after we were done. I also heard him moan your name once when we were doing it.” She rolls her eyes and sighs, “ It’s meaningless sex anyways. I’m always facing away from him so he won’t see my face.”

“ Funny how he’s still talking to you,” you scoff. Jungkook doesn’t even look your way but he’s able to have sex with Chaeyoung.

“ He’s not talking to me, he fucks and just leaves. I guess that’s my punishment,” she arches her brow and shrugs her shoulder.

“You shouldn’t be punished like that Chaeyoung. It's not healthy for you,” you tell her softly.

“ I know,” she smiles tiredly. “ I’m putting an end to it, I can’t do this to myself, to him...to you.” You nod your head and part ways until she stops you, “Here like I promised.”

“No I don’t want it,” you stop her from giving you money. “ Chaeyoung it will make me feel bad.”

“Okay. See you later,” she goes into her car and walks the opposite way.

“Finally you're here! I’m starving!” Heejin yells with excitement as you enter her car.

“ This place better be good.” You tell her and she rants on how she always picks good restaurants. Your phone lights up and you see a notification from your bank. Did you forget to pay a bill. $10,000 has been transferred to your checking account.

---

The next day you decide to approach Jungkook during lunch and you get very nervous, shaking your leg throughout class. You walk with Heejin to his table and Jimin greets you. “ Hey Y/N,” he nods at you and  whisk Heejin from you, greeting her with kisses all over her face. Heejin confronted Jimin that day you broke down, they were able to talk it out and now they are dating.

“ Y/N! Sit here,” Namjoon pats next to the empty space between him and Namjoon. Jungkook doesn’t look at you just staring at his phone and browsing his social media.

“ Hey guys,” you sit down trying not to bump into Jungkook. Namjoon tells you how he fell down his bike while showing you his scrape. Jungkook doesn’t join the conversation just silently watching you both talk. You catch him a few times looking at you and your heart races a little.

The bell rings indicating lunchtime is over and everyone disperses while you take your time throwing your trash. “ Hey.” Jungkook is standing beside you and throws his trash away.

“ Hey,” you say back quietly. “ How’s your day?”

“ Good.” He scratches his neck and looks around the cafeteria. “ Are you going to the library?”

“ Yeah… you want to join me?” Please say yes.

“ Yeah I’ll come.” Jungkook walks beside you whistling lightly. The library is empty and you chose a table near the back.

“ I miss you,” Jungkook speaks out and looks at you.

Your eyes widen, “ I miss you too.”  

“ Why do you do it?”

“ What?”

“ I just want to know why you do it, is it for fun or money?” Jungkook scoots closer to you wanting to hear you clearly.

“ I don’t have enough money to go to college. I don’t want my parents to worry about paying for it. They work too hard. Adding my college tuition to their bills will take a toll on them. I don’t like what I do but I do it anyway.” You cut off the eye contact, looking away in shame.

Jungkook sighs and grabs your hand, “ I’m sorry. I got hot headed and ignored you. It would’ve been easier to not get mad at you if I heard your reasoning.” You look at him and he wipes your tears. “ Y/N...I uh I had sex with Chaeyoung during our time apart. I’m sorry I was mad and I wanted to hurt the both of you. I realized how much of a dick I was…”

“It’s okay Jungkook. I’m sorry too,” you sheepishly smile.

“Can we start all over?” He gives you his signature bunny smile and the butterflies flutter in your belly.

“Yes please,” you lean forward and hug tightly. He rubs your back and your entrance with the feeling of comfort.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do not repost, translate, or alternate my work in any way, onto any platform. I do not take plagiarism lightly.

[antialiasis]

Jean’s Family Interview

I noticed a while back that, although I posted a link to this before when I wrote it in 2016, it was just linked to the post in the Serebii thread where it was originally posted, and the link is no longer functional since an upgrade to the Serebii.net forums. It might be possible to just update the link in that post, but it’s kind of annoying that it’s offsite anyway; I’ve been wanting to archive this one properly on here with the rest of the non-canon Morphic extras. I’m still pretty fond of it; several favorite bits in here that just really tickle me.

This was originally posted in a “Character interviews” thread; the questions Jean asks actually came from Negrek, who started the thread, as interview questions to ask any character, but I wound up writing it as an in-character interview. It takes place sometime pre-chapter seven. Featuring: Dave explaining how fine he is, his dubious parenting skills, Jean being cute, and their relationship.

Dave was drinking his coffee and reading the paper on a Saturday morning (for some value of morning) when something touched his shoulder. He jumped to turn around, yanking the cup with him and sending half of the coffee splashing into his lap.

“Shit fuck Jesus Jean, where’d you come from.” She was standing behind him, clutching a notebook to her chest, the grin on her face vanishing. “Don’t do that. Christ.”

“Are you okay?” she asked, worried, hanging her head, ears lowered, puppy eyes in full force. “I’m sorry, Dad, I didn’t mean to…”

He grabbed a tissue from the kitchen counter and tried to wipe most of it off his jeans. He waved his other hand at her. “It’s… it’s okay, I’m fine. It was getting cold anyway.” He sighed. “What’d you want?”

Instantaneously, she perked up again. “I had English class yesterday,” she said, “and we’re supposed to interview a family member over the weekend! Can I interview you? I made questions and everything!” She proudly held her notebook forward.

“Oh.” He slumped back into his chair. Well, he could change his jeans when this was done, he supposed. It wasn’t like she had any other family members to interview. “Yeah, sure, Jean. What kind of interview?”

“Just an interview,” she said, shrugging.

“Are you going to read it out in class or what?”

“No. Just submit it to the teacher.”

“All right.” Jean’s teacher didn’t like him much, as far as he’d gathered from the parent-teacher conferences, but hopefully she wouldn’t take that out on her. “Fire away.”

Her brow furrowed.

“That means ask the first question, Jean. It’s metaphorical. Nothing to do with fire.”

“Ohhh.” Jean’s eyes lit up with understanding as she gave a sagely nod. She sat down at the other side of the kitchen table with her notebook and pencil and cleared her throat. “How would you introduce yourself to a stranger?”

“Uh. David Ambrose, Heywood Labs?”

Jean nodded, writing eagerly. “Next question… where do you live?”

“What.” She was looking earnestly at him. “What… you know where we live, Jean. So does your teacher, for that matter; it’s in the school registry. What kind of interview question is that?”

“She said we can ask questions we know the answers to so we can get them in the person’s own words.”

“But…” He stopped himself. “All right, if somebody else who doesn’t know that just, like, stopped me in the street and asked that, I’d say… no, hang on, that’s… no. What kind of interview question is that?”

Jean brought on the worried puppy eyes again. “Are my questions bad?”

“No, no, they’re fine, Jean.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Just say Grace City. That’s all. If random people you don’t know ever ask you where you live, that’s what you should say.”

“Not the street address?”

“No. Only tell that to people who really need to know it, all right? There could be some bad people out there who’d… Look, just give me the next question.”

“Okay.” Jean carefully wrote the two words. “What’s your family like?”

“Uh. Family like what? Family like you, or family like your g…” She looked up at him, curious. “One daughter. That’s all.”

“You’re supposed to say what she’s like,” Jean said, grinning.

“She’s beautiful and smart and half-Vulpix and one day she’s going to Flamethrower anyone who asks her personal questions in the street.”

“Yeah!” She pumped her fist, pure delight on her face as she eagerly started to write. Dave couldn’t help smiling a bit. He reached across the table and ruffled her curls.

“All right, here’s the next one,” Jean said when she laid down her pencil. “What do you want to do with your life, and how does what you’re doing now relate to that?”

Dave blinked. That was quite a shift. “Uh, well, what I’m doing now is raising you, and doing research on how you guys work and why you developed the way you did, and working on developing ways to make things easier for you, and also trying to fight for you to have a decent life like everyone else because some ignorant swathes of the population think you’re not entitled to basic fucking human rights.”

Jean nodded, her pencil moving meticulously across the paper.

“You know when I use words like that, you don’t write them down, right?”

“Yup.”

“Great, smart girl.”

“And the rest?” she asked, looking up.

“The rest of what?”

“The question.” She looked down to read it again. “What do you want to do with your life, and how does what you’re doing now relate to that?”

“Well…” He paused. “I expect this is what I’m going to be doing for the rest of my life. I mean, I better fucking hope you outlive me.” It struck him as he said it that most of the morphs aged faster than normal, Katherine and Mia fastest of all, Jean too. They couldn’t know anything about what the morphs’ lifespans would be like, it was pointless to even think about and they all knew that, but –

“Oh. But what did you want to do before you made us?”

“I don’t know, just… science, research. Something to keep my brain occupied.”

Jean nodded and wrote. “Next… what’s your most unusual trait?”

“Heh.” He scratched his head. “Well, I figured out how to combine human and Pokémon DNA and it’s probably going to lead to the biggest medical advances in centuries. That’s pretty fucking unique. Also, I can string together a logical argument. You’d be surprised how rare that is.”

“What’s a sure way to make you angry?”

He grimaced. “How about shoving religion in my face? Don’t even get me started.”

Jean nodded. “What’s your biggest accomplishment?”

“See question… whatever the question was where I talked about combining human and Pokémon DNA and the biggest medical advances in centuries.”

“What decision do you most regret?”

His first thought, of course, was in no way an appropriate thing to say in this interview, or to Jean at all, ever. And, he realized upon the reflection it took to complete that thought, not actually true.

“I…” This was harder than it should be, God. “I regret yelling at you earlier,” he ended up saying when he couldn’t think of anything better. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Dad,” Jean said brightly. He tilted his head to see what she was writing: I regret yelling at you –

“I… are you sure you should write that?”

“It’s what you answered,” she said.

“Okay, no, hold on, I…” He stopped; she looked at him expectantly. Well, so what if her teacher would think he was a terrible parent. She thought that anyway. And if he went around taking back apologies to his daughter because they made him sound bad, she was probably right. “…Never mind.”

“Next question?”

“Sure.”

“What do you think is the most important thing for other people to understand about you?”

“Huh. What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, sometimes people are afraid of me or think I’m weird because I’m part Vulpix,” Jean said. “So I’d want them to understand that I’m just a girl like them and I’d only hurt bad guys.”

Dave raised his eyebrows. “Well, I don’t think I’m terribly misunderstood,” he said. “I say what I mean, and if people don’t like it, tough. Who cares what they think, anyway? You shouldn’t care what any of those people think about you. They’ll never understand you’re just a girl like them, but it doesn’t matter because they’re idiots.”

“Okay,” she said, smiling. Again he looked to see exactly what she was writing; she left it at I say what I mean, and if people don’t like it, tough. Part of him wanted the teacher to see the rest too, but it was probably better this way.

“Last question,” she said when she looked up. “If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?”

“Change? I don’t want to change anything about myself. If I wanted to, I would’ve changed it already.”

“But what if you wanted something like a tail or a fire sac?”

“Well, I don’t. No offense.”

“There’s nothing you’d want to change that you can’t?”

“No, why would I? I look fine, I can do everything I want to do, what’s not to like? What, do you want to change stuff about yourself? Because you’re perfect as you are.”

Jean shrugged slightly. “I wish I screwed up less,” she said, averting her gaze. “I always make my friends mad at me and I don’t understand why. And if that coffee had been hot I could’ve really hurt you, couldn’t I?” She looked back up at him, eyes glistening with tears.

“What? Oh, no, Jean, that’s not…” Shit. He never knew what to say in these moments. He leaned forward on the table. “Look. It’s not your fault. None of it’s your fault, all right? If your friends get mad at you for no reason, that’s their problem, not yours. They’re… they’re probably just prejudiced morons like the rest of them and don’t deserve you anyway, okay? And forget about the coffee. Just… pretend that never happened. Okay?”

“But it did,” she said miserably.

“Look, everyone screws up sometimes. It’s okay. It’s no big deal.”

“Even you?” she sniffled.

“Well, yeah, sure, sometimes.”

Jean wiped her face with her hand. “Okay.”

“Great. Is that the end of the interview, then?”

“Yeah.” Jean nodded as she stood up and picked up her pencil and notebook. Then her ears perked up again. “The teacher said next week we might do a follow-up interview with more questions. You’ll do that too, right?”

Dave sighed. “Yeah, sure. Just let me know.”

Jean bounced off to her room, back in her regular mood. He shook his head. Better be prepared for that, then.

Now, though, he needed to change his jeans and make another cup of coffee.

[damntender]

            BECAUSE    I    HAVE    SO    MUCH    LOVE    TO    GIVE    . okay, first off I JUST HIT 100 FOLLOWERS after a matter of like 6 days... how???   ----  though i’m completely unsure why people stick around, or love me or even want to roleplay with my trash ass. i’ve not had an easy time with some horrendous experiences in this community and i wanted to give some love to the people that keep me staying, because all i wanna do is yell about them all the time.  azalea has been a crutch to me in the hardest times of my life, i created her after the loss of my grampa and all my anguish and pain went into trying to do something positive, and with the amount of loss in my life, it was nice to do something beneficial.  and i look back to creating her, and meeting all these incredible individuals along the way, and it’s honestly a blessing.  i wasn’t going to bring her back, but the response i’ve had, the love, the hype has honestly melted my heart and i could never ever thank anyone enough for that. but here, have me shouting about my love for you all in a post <333 

IF I MISS ANYONE,  I’M TRULY SORRY.  IT’S MY ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER FUCKING ME OVER. but i love you all <3333 

so some special mentions ( or a lot bc i can’t CHOOSE ),  these are people i talk to regularly, that i consider my best, and closest friends on this hellsite. you don’t know how much impact you’ve had on my life, but i have to let you know.  they are in NO particular order,  just the list i’ve written down on my notebook, because i have add and it’s a fucking party in my brain lmao. :))) 

@damncockroach  /  @damnbrazen  -----  becks, my love,  my aNGEL,  my bestie.  you don’t even need me to say how much you mean to me, or how much i love you because i try to make sure i remind you constantly.  you came into my life in a time that i really fucking needed someone,  someone to show me what true best friends are,  to pick me up, to be there and just ??? never leave.  someone i can count on constantly, and you’re always willing to help me. to shower me with hype and love, and i’ve lost count how many times i’ve cried down the phone to you and you’ve calmed me down, and given the best advice, or made me feel valid in my emotions.  you don’t know the impact you have on people becks, you’re honestly one of the best people i’ve met in my entire life. i know they say you get soul mates in forms of best friends, and i truly believe you’re mine.  you’ve been there for me through some of the most horrendous times in my entire life,  and you stood by me and that in itself deserves a medal.  i love you more than words could ever possibly express, and i count myself extremely lucky to call you my best friend, i honestly appreciate you so much.  you just get me,  we can communicate in person with just looks, and that proves our bond tbh.  you’re my rock.  getting to know you,  to know you out of writing and exist in a writing world with you is incredibly special,  and like you said in your original tags:  in fantasy and reality,  till death do us part.  i don’t think i’ve ever had a friend who is so selfless,  so down to earth,  and so compassionate and puts people before themselves until you.  i’ll always be here to remind you what a BABE you are,  how incredibly vital you are to not only me but to this world.  your one of the good ones.  and your talent?? is fucking astounding,  i get to be inspired by you and write with you and just learn from your insane gift,  because you breathe life into words.  you gift me with replies,  with characters and i scream over them forever,  and i can’t even say how in awe i am of you.  the love and depth you put into crafting your ocs,  or putting them into canons too,  just is crazy,  and i will never stop yelling about you.   you deserve all the hype, both in the roleplay world and the real world.  five years of friendship aNGEL !!!! i can’t wait for us to be besties when we’re 80 and can bitch about people still.  what i’m trying to say is, you’ve saved my life, more times than you know, and i wouldn’t still be breathing without you.  i owe you a load for that, and i love you endlessly, more than words could ever capture.  you make this rpc worth being in,  because with you beside me,  i can face anything.  i love you bubba,  so much.  i’m so proud of the person you’ve become,  who you are,  you’re a diamond and i am blessed to know you.  keep being your kickass self <3333 

@damnbrutal  /  @fearmer  /  @phoenique  -----  lunaaa ,  my love ,  the sweetest of angels.  my lil norwegian babe !!!! is there even words to sum you up either??? let me start by saying how i can’t encapsulate how sweet you are,  you’re like sunshine personified.  literally,  the brightest light and you deserve the fucking world, honestly.  meeting you was always meant to be, i truly believe that,  and i can’t ever say how much i love you.  you have been there to capture me when i fall,  to offer insane words of wisdom that comfort me,  to bless me with your presence when i’m breaking over voice chat.  when my grampa was dying,  or had died,  you were the biggest comfort,  you have no idea how much your presence,  your pure heart helped me out of such a horrendous place. you got how i was feeling,  you were sensitive to the subject,  and careful and you put your heart and soul into bringing me into a lighter place.  i can’t even express how much i’m gonna give you a MASSIVE squeeze when we see each other finally!!!!  you are one of the best human beings i’ve ever met,  just the most down to earth,  so pure,  so willing to help others,  and i can’t ever thank you or yell about you enough.  you give such a HUGE amount to your friends,  you’re always there to lend a ear, to offer us support across the ocean,  and i truly can’t even express how much that means.  you’re a fucking diamond, okay??? let’s get yelling about your talent,  your creativity will forever astound me.  from your writing to your graphics,  you’re truly fucking gifted,  and i’ve learned so much off you.  you’re a fucking inspiration in itself.  you’ve always shown me that i have the strength to overpower such negative forces in my life, and keep going, and i can’t ever thank you enough for that honestly, like i don’t think words will ever be as sufficient enough. you’ve put such love into your original characters, like mazia owns my aSS you know this, she is so fucking important to not only azalea but to me.  because you blessed me with this incredibly creative and in depth crafted character and i love her like she’s my own character.  you can truly see how much you love writing her, and the craft and everything and i truly believe you’re one of the best writers on this site.  our babies and their bond make me SOB, like they hit me right in the heart and i still weep over how mazia comes down to find out her best friend, her soul mate is gone.  they have a bond that WE have, we bled that into them, i can see that so clearly, like you’re my person. and i adore u <333  let’s not forget about the love of theo’s life either, odETTE. he adores her. god i get emo just thinking about them, and every single one of our babies.  it’s INSANE to me that someone who lives across the world can mean more to me than the majority of the friends i’ve known in real life.  you’re just SO important to me. i just love you a whole lot, words won’t ever capture it, and i appreciate you, i’m so grateful. thank u for being u. <3333

@hewolf  -------  ANI,  the loml.  while we haven’t wrote on here,  it didn’t feel right NOT including you,  because you’ve been in my life since day one of roleplay.  like when i look back for a constant in my life,  there you are,  making me laugh and being your INSANE, and down to earth self.  god,  how am i ever supposed to put into words just how much i love you?? like you know it knows NO bounds.  i don’t think there’s a person other than family for me who’s been there for me through everything in my life,  from start to finish of all the bullshit i’ve been through,  other than you.  you were there when i got my heart broken for the first time,  when i lost my gran,  grampa and my other grampa,  when i had a miscarriage,  you have been there and picked me up when i felt like i didn’t wanna be here anymore.  and you did it like it was NOTHING,  like it was easy,  and i’m so inspired by you as a person.  by your strength,  and you’re honestly the most hilarious person i’ve ever met.  like i can’t say how much i look forward to your snapchats every day,  how much they make me smile and laugh,  especially in our current predicament of the pandemic.  you’re a true joy,  and you’ve been there to support me always.  can you believe we’ve been besties for ten years next year???? like it’s crazy to me.  i just know that you’re someone i’m gonna have in my life forever,  and i don’t ever want to NOT have you around.  i know lately you’ve had the WORST time,  and i can relate to it,  all i wanna do is be there as best i can,  and it’s hard with shit going on,  i wish i could drive up to you and just give you a squeeze and try and take your mind off it all.  but i can’t.  and that sucks !!!! god,  do you remember where we started???? facebook fuckin roleplay??? i cringe at the thought but they are times i truly hold dear to my heart,  because i look at the development we’ve both had over the years as writers,  though you’ve ALWAYS been an incredible writer.  i look back at myself and i’m like?? who fuckin let her write??? you’re the reason i joined tumblr roleplay,  like you dragged my ass to it,  and it’s insane how long it’s been,  how much my life has changed.  you’re so down to earth,  and out of everyone i’ve met on this hell site,  and in life in general,  you’re one of the most REAL individuals i’ve met and it’s so inspiring??? you’re just so eloquent in your writing and you should have MORE FAITH in yourself because bubby you’re so talented.  i adore you so much,  words will never capture it.  i know that i can legit just ring you like i have previous,  crying down the phone and you’ll be there.  you’ve helped me through so much and i value you so much,  you’re a diamond,  one of the best individuals i’ve met.  you deserve the WORLD,  all the happiness,  because you are a fucking light,  you’re one of the good ones in life.  i love you bubby <33333

@racointeur -----  BEE,  my baby, one of the best friends i’ve ever had.  god, where do i start with you ??? without choking up because that’s gonna be hard.  let me first start by saying, i’m so proud of you, so proud of your strength, because you’ve been through some of the hardest shit as of late and i wish more than anything i could be there to cuddle you,  to support you better than i could here.  no one ever deserves what you’ve been through, but ESPECIALLY NOT you,  you are the kindest person with the BIGGEST heart of gold. all you do for others, is so clear to see, because you’ve always put people before yourself and it truly shows how GOOD of a person you are.  you came into my life when i needed someone too,  we bonded instantly over shadowhunters and our love for our babies jace / izzy, and instantly a bond came and i can’t ever explain how vital you are to me now.  days could pass or even weeks, and when we talk?? it’s like no time has passed.  there’s never any obligation or anger if we both fall off the grid.  you KNOW how important our friendship is to me. you’re one of my fave individuals to write with.  we’ve facetimed crying over the hardships of life,  or even laughed until our sides hurt,  i remember that one night when we spoke about simon biting izzy and how we were howling with laughter.  it’s a memory that legit sticks in my mind,  and makes me all warm and fuzzy.  in this life,  i’ve realised you’ve gotta stay close to the people who feel like sunlight,  the truly GOOD people and you’re one of them.  i know i can always message you, WITH any issue, or just to yell about our babies and you’ll be accepting and that in itself shows how deep our friendship goes,  you’re so accepting,  so supportive and i just love you more than words.  your writing is something i admire so much,  you’re so talented,  so eloquent and i just ??? aspire to be that gifted okay,  you can see your love for each and every character in your threads and i think EVERYONE should go love on you,  because you deserve the hype, and the love the most.  you’ve helped me down from ledges where i legit didn’t want to live anymore, you’ve put up with my bullshit and i can NEVER thank u enough for that.  here we are THREE years almost four years later,  still stuck to each other like glue bc u bet i’m not letting you GO at all, and still best friends.  i admire you so much,  i learn so much from you from your strength and i don’t think i could ever say enough what you mean to me.  you’re just purely talented,  an incredible individual and i can’t wait to meet you when this shit is all over and i’m finished with uni so i can fly out to see you and give you a MASSIVE squeeze.  you’re one of my fave individuals ever in life and i just adore you so so so much.  i love you bee.  you’re honestly world class,  and just a joy to know. <33333

@lethaelite ------ MANDI , you superhuman babe !!!!! gosh, i love you endlessly,  i can’t even begin to express, but it feels like we’ve been friends forever and i honestly can’t imagine a time without you in my life and i ???? don’t want to.  you’re one of the most intelligent individuals i’ve ever met, like you can see it so much in your writing, you put so much into the characters. like clarke???? i accept nO other portrayal than yours, because you just know her so much, at this point?? she’s your oc.  i love writing with her, and with octavia too, like octavia’s relationship with azalea is so important and it melts me, i just can’t help but get soft over them all the time. how azalea has broken down o’s walls.  how they’re ride or die,  all of it is fucking adorable.  and SUCH development.  i’m so glad becks dragged ur ass to tumblr so you can showcase your talent, everyone needs to KNOW how gifted you are!!!! let’s circle back to your talent, let’s talk about you.  you’re a diamond okay? a pure selfless individual with the biggest heart, and i’m so blessed to get to know you,  to be able to call you one of my best friends, and you’ve embraced me as a person, as a writer since we’ve met,  and i can’t ever thank you enough for that.  you’ve listened to me yell about some of the hardest times of my life,  you’ve listened and understood and kept it to yourself and it means everything and more to me.  let’s not FORGET that you’re a fierce badass individual, you’re so strong and i’m so proud of all you’ve battled through,  because i get to learn from your experience and guidance and words.  i look up to you SO much, i wish i had your outlook on life,  like i wish i had your strength because it’s incredible bubba.  honestly!!! you don’t realise the impact you’ve had either,  you have helped me through so much.  you’re kind,  down to earth,  and charismatic and hilarious and just a fucking joy to have around. i can’t wait for you to come over here,  because honestly we’re gonna have some insane memories to look back on,  and you deserve that break and a new surrounding more than anyone honestly.  i just can’t ever yell about you enough,  you’re beyond talented,  you have the BIGGEST heart and you’re one of the good ones in a world of bad.  i can’t wait for all the threads we get to do,  all the character development and everything. i know i can throw anything at you thread wise and you’ll be down for it, i love how much you YELL about threads and the reactions, because it truly shows me your excitement!! i just adore you so much and i can’t ever thank you for being you, for impacting my life how you have, and i’m thankful and appreciative to get you to be in my life. i LOVE you <3333 

@damnpain  /  @armyranger  ------   VIC ------- god where do i begin with you ???? i used to ALWAYS fangirl over you,  like i would be heart eyes at your blogs from far away because i was always terrified to approach because your level of talent fucking astounds me. like you honestly have no clue how much i look up to you as a person,  you honestly are another whole level of talent.  and now i’ve gotten to know you,  and you’ve quickly become one of my best friends because you have the sweetest fucking heart,  you honestly make being on tumblr a pleasure,  and your incredibly soft and kind heart is something i’m so thankful to get to witness.  we’ve bonded over our own hardships both irl and in the community and it’s nice having someone who GETS it,  who understands exactly where i’m coming from,  it’s nice to know i’m not alone.  you’re like my very own hand to hold,  and i value you so fucking much honestly.  you’re honestly a sweetheart,  and you deserve the literal WORLD.  you make me laugh so much,  and you are so welcoming and knowing i can just yell at you about our babies,  really makes my day and i’m so thankful you get as excited as i do.  apollo literally OWNS my ass,  you’ve put your entire heart into him and he is so important to azalea,  so vital to her and i can’t wait to develop them and their relationship more because it’s something i’m so excited about. god don’t get me started on how HEARTBREAKING his story is,  his backstory makes me well up with tears,  poor baby deserves such a break,  he’s the cutest angel,  and i love him.  as i love ALL of your ocs,  you know this.  i’m always gonna be here to hype you up,  because you’re just outstanding,  a true fucking icon.   i remember how much you inspired me from when i saw your max blog so getting to call you one of my best friends now is !!!! amazing to me, but also, you’ve calmed me down when i’m spiralling, listened to my problems and issues and been happy to deal with them and it just shows how much of a selfless person you are.  you are always more than happy to help,  and i love you endlessly and more. and i’m so thankful we found each other even in the wake of all the shit i’ve been through lately,  because you’ve become a rock to me,  i adore you so much,  your incredible nature,  sweet and welcoming and i know i can talk to you about everything.  thank you for being your amazing,  sweet,  and truly extraordinary self,  because you honestly DESERVE the world,  all the happiness and stuff.  i know i’ve found another best friend for life in you,  you’re an angel.  i love love love you vic,  keep being YOU,  because you’re just out of this world,  a true good person.  A DIAMOND <333333

@tragedyhymns  /  @damnbrain  ------   SUN !!!! my sweet angel,  god how do i even begin to describe you or put into words my love for you ????  everytime i talk to you, you make my heart swell because you’re just so fucking sweet. you’re beyond considerate and just one of the nicest individuals i’ve ever met in this hellish community.  you’ve been nothing but a support to me,  and i don’t ever want us to part.  i’ve kept you close from the moment we met in the shadowhunters fandom over three years ago now,  and i’m sorry to say but you’re not getting away from me,  ever.  i just adore you with my entire heart.  i’m so proud of the person you are , i’m so proud that i GET to call you a best friend of mine . let me say i’m SO fucking proud of you for kicking ass with your education , like even when it feels like everything is getting too much and you’re having so much going on ooc??? you power through like the WARRIOR you are, and i’m beaming with pride over you.  because honestly, if there’s anyone who deserves to succeed in life??? it’s you.  your talent is astounding,  we’ll come to your writing, but your GRAPHICS???? like you’re an ASSET to that career you’re going to have.  you’re going to have such an insane career,  i am always taken aback by what you can make and create,  like share some of that talent pls.  never LET anyone bring you down.  you’re truly fucking remarkable.  i also have to commend your writing talent,  because you bring characters to life with such a love,  such a depth and admiration that i am always in awe of you.  matty and cris are by far my favorite babies,  like matty is so vital to azalea and the story we have created for them is one of my favourites, like it is so IMPORTANT to me, i can’t even thank you enough for it.  i also have to yell about how much you took on by creating ash,  and making him your own,  and i love being affiliated with you. you’re so eloquent,  so in depth and so talented, you bleed EVERYTHING into your writing and graphics and it shows.  you’re a treasure.   you mean everything and more to me, you’re just a fucking angel,  i love you.   you’re a light —- i appreciate you so much and i won’t ever be able to thank you for that . you’ve made me smile on the most horrific of days , you’ve been there to listen when things are falling apart . you’ve been there through a lot,  and i love you endlessly.  just know how important you are to me,  i will forever be here to rave about you as a person, your talent. never leave me o k ?? because i’ll actually fucking cry because you mean so much to me!!!!  never forget how loved , how incredible you are , and how much we all STAN you  i love you, you fucking cutie. <3333

@damnsamurai  /  @iswarholy  /  @skailante  ----- ZAWN !!!!! god,,, i love YOU.  i have gotten the opportunity to have you in my life for the past three years and even though we lost touch??? it’s like no TIME has passed,  because you’ve embraced me,  thrown nothing but love at me and just been a fucking angel.  you’re one of the good ones on this site,  like we reconnected and within like three days i had made an oc to be affiliated with yours because i fucking ADORE you.  my opinion of you since we first met,  hasn’t changed.  i thought you were truly blessed with an astounding talent then,  and if anything,  i’m even more convinced of that now,  because i am just constantly in awe of your characters,  of your portrayal of octavia because holy fuck babe,  it’s so GOOD,  so indepth.  you truly bleed complete depth and understanding into her,  as if she’s your actual character and not jroths or the original writers.  actually,  let’s say she’s yours because you show her more fucking love,  lets be real here.  let me also tell you,  how much your little messages about how much you love me on discord everyday,  they truly make my day.  because i’ve had a fucking horrendous time as of late with some shitty times irl and in the community and you’ve become a rock.  you’ve shown me there’s some people left who are intrinsically kind,  who have nothing but a GOOD regard to people.  you’re someone who deserves the literal world,  because you’re just a fucking diamond,  just pure through and through.  and your talent??? god i love writing our babies saff and orion,  we created them,  wrote them and i was hooked instantly,  like i am complete trash for our babies and for YOU,  because you’re so beyond talented,  so gifted.  i am shook at you all of the time,  please TEACH me your ways, pls pls.  i also know that i can approach you to yell about things,  or throw muse posts at you,  and you’ll be accepting.  thank you for embracing me,  for being so accepting,  so sweet to me and an astounding friend,  i count you as one of my best friends.  i honestly don’t think words could ever say how grateful i am for you,  but i hope this makes you smile.  you’re a credit to this fandom,  and i can’t wait to write more with you,  to yell more and for this beautiful friendship to continue.  i love you,  bIG UP THE RIDDEN FAM,  love you always,  please never forget how truly extraordinary you are,  because i’ll always be here to tell you.  i don’t want to be in this fandom ever without YOU  <3333 

@waldenborn  /  @geneticassassin  ----- LILLY  --------- U ANGEL… i don’t even know how i can ever express my true gratitude for you,  for always being there when i need someone,  for being your truly amazing self.  and also for embracing azalea from the very beginning when i made her,  i was such a heart eyes fan girl over you because damn… helo is so well crafted,  so in depth and just everything i aspire to create within my own oc’s.  you have always truly thought him through,  put so much love and creativity into him and that in itself has always astounded me,  i think i’ll always be someone who fangirls over you.  i was terrified to reach out at first,  just because i’m a ball of anxiety and you always made me completely at ease,  and even when we go weeks without talking,  without interacting at all,  it’s like NO time has passed.  we just pick up as we left off,  and i know there’s never ANY pressure and it makes me feel safe,  and like i can truly be myself.  you’re truly world class,  and i can never thank you for all the love and support you’ve given me,  honestly.  i don’t think i could ever put it into words,  but you mean everything to me and to a zillion more people in this fandom,  you’re a big ball of sunshine,  of love,  and you’re a true angel to have around.  A CREDIT.  i can never thank you for accepting me,  hyping me up and wanting to write with me,  honestly writing with you makes me SUPER happy because i get to craft such amazing character relationships with you, but also because i get to be astounded by your incredible replies all of the time.  i get so !!!! at seeing you on the dash bc dATS my babyyyyy. our development with azalea / helo always melts me,  from them meeting in mount weather,  to falling for each other and then facing the end of the world together,  living their peaceful life on earth for six years,  undisturbed.  they deserved that happiness !!!! helo is so important to azalea, like he’s a huge part of her life,  and i love our talks about them,  and you always yelled at me about how much you loved my characters even when i wasn’t writing azalea on tumblr anymore.  i always felt that support from you,  and you have no idea how much it helped me out of so many dark places.  i also adored writing bellamy / gabby with you because they own my aSS, and octavia and helo because hearing all your headcanons about his love of octavia and how protective of me always BLEW my mind.  fancy sharing some of that talent, please???? i am just forever in awe of you.  i count myself lucky to know someone like you. the world needs more GOOD souls like you. just know how much of an impact on my life you’ve had,  you deserve the hype you talented lil baby. I LOVE YOU <33333

@damnstory  /  @azgedaspy  -----  KAT  ----  u sWEET angel <3333  first off, let me YELL about how much of a fucking vital individual you are to this community,  like while we don’t have to ask permission to be part of the “damn” family,  you’ve brought together a group of writers,  and everyone fucking ADORES you because you’re down to earth.  you’re so sweet,  and so fucking lovely.  like i don’t think words even capture my adoration of you.  from the moment we met,  you did nothing but embrace me,  nothing but BUILD me up,  keep reminding me how much i was a strong person,  or a zillion and one other sweet things you said.  i can never thank you enough for that,  as someone who’s really been through it in the fandom with people that i didn’t deserve or ask for,  it was nice for someone to validate me and make me feel like ???? i was wanted around.  you helped my mental state more than words ever could truly express,  i love you endlessly for that, as it shows just HOW good of a person you are.  you have one of the kindest hearts i’ve met,  and your talent forever leaves me taken aback.  you know i’m so trash for your echo,  like the ONLY echo i’ll accept,  i’ll be honest.  like at this rate,  she’s your character in my eyes,  because wow,  the depth,  the love,  the UNDERSTANDING you’ve put into her.  it just is incomparable.  and now you’re bringing the loml bellamy blake to life,  and gOD DAMN you’re so fucking good at him,  you never make any excuses for his behaviour,  you hold him accountable and i love throwing angsty threads of my ocs,  or charas calling him out on his bullshit because you know i’m a SLUT for some angst.  you bring him to life,  and it’s so brilliant,  like truly you’re a talent,  so in depth and so much effort goes into it,  and it’s appreciated,  it’s something i ADMIRE,  you deserve all the hype and more.  you’re one of the best writers i’ve ever come across,  and i have no other choice but to STAN,  always and forever.   you showed me that there’s some good left on this site . you showed me that i can still make friends that i trust and love , and to never be intimidated to talk to people,  because we both know i’ve been terrified to talk to people before.  i always fangirled over you before and i STILL do,  you’re just a fucking angel who deserves the entire world and more.  like truly a treasure,  i count you as one of my best friends on this site,  a person who is so encompassingly good,  that it makes the community a JOY to be in.  i love you kat,  keep being your incredible self,  and throwing your talent into the community,  because i’ll always be here to yell about it.  you’re just world class and i love you so much. <3333

@damnbetray  ------  BEAN,  god if there’s anyone who’s a fucking CUTIE in this fandom,  it’s YOU.  i can’t ever express how much i love you or how much you make me laugh.  you are just beyond talented,  i can’t wait to write with you and develop our characters together.  but more than anything,  you’re just a SWEETHEART,  who has validated how i’ve felt lately,  you’ve made me feel at ease when my world was falling apart.  you’ve stayed and HYPED me up,  made me feel empowered to do what’s BEST for me,  and made sure to tell me i’m doing what’s right and i can never thank you enough for that.  you’ve got the kindest heart,  like truly,  i can’t even express how much i adore you,  words will never EVER encompass that enough.  you’re one of the sweetest babes i’ve met and i LOVE getting to yell about things to you,  like spending the very late hours of the evening with you on voice chat,  laughing our heads off about how stupid our languages or hometowns are.  like comparing sayings,  it honestly made my night.  after such discomfort i’ve experienced,  i can’t even explain how much that means to me,  getting some company,  someone who UNDERSTANDS my horrendous hysteria.  you deserve the WORLD bubby,  honestly.  you’re the cutest babe.  and your accent is SO ADORABLE, i want it... i’m jealous.  also,  your ocs are so well crafted,  i am in awe at your talent to bring characters to life,  how you’ve put your love,  soul and heart into creating them,  it shows how much you adore writing and how much they mean to you and i can’t wait for our soft grounder babies to meet.  azalea will LOVE on her so much,  like just you WAIT.  i’m so grateful for our little squad,  not only making me feel at ease in this fandom,  but being a support network i so desperately needed,  like we ALL need that love.  and i don’t care WHAT you say but ur a fucking talent at not only writing but fucking graphics bc what you created was legit fucking INSANELY incredible,  like i’m jealous pls teach me ur ways, thank u.  you’ve been a fucking angel to me since we met , and i can’t imagine life without you and i don’t wanna . it’s like we’ve been friends forever , and i love that .  you’re a friend i’m blessed to have. thank you for being you. i LOVE U so much,  and i’ll be here ALWAYS to hype you up because you deserve the hype, all of it. soak it up <3333 

OTHERS I LOVE,  that if i had the energy to write MORE about i would but they’re my squad and I ADORE them,  they truly inspire me so much,  and i value all of them,  like as MONTY would say,  the GOOD guys :  @mythso  ;  @mythcals  ;  @mieczlw  ;  @heroach  ;  @roseguided  ;  @buriedwoes  ;  @hevives  ;  @trageday ;  @mudwoven  ;  @coyoted  ;  @pahriahs -----  you ALL deserve the world,  your talent truly astounds me and your presence in this fandom has truly not only melted my heart but made this place a safe space for me,  a place of warmth.  you ALL are aware of how much i love you from how much i’ve yelled at you previously,  and if i could fight through this chronic illness pain right now to talk about you all individually i WOULD, but my meds aren’t working.  your writing is incomparable in talent,  like the depth,  the love you put in,  and how you’re all so DOWN to earth,  such softies and so welcoming and accepting of me???? i can’t thank you enough.  you all deserve ever OUNCE of hype.  like you accepted azalea,  or any other muse i’ve written and that in itself means everything and more to me,  i don’t think words will ever truly express.  for someone who’s insanely anxiety riddled after some shit ooc,  and in the community,  it melts me when i find people with nothing but GOOD intentions,  because it proves that there are STILL good people out there.  i count you as my closest friends,  and i adore writing with you and can’t wait to do it more.  just know you’ve had the biggest of impacts on me,  that by just BEING you,  and sharing your gift,  you’ve made me happy,  made this place ALL the more better,  and words will never do you justice.  you’re all SWEETHEARTS, and a credit to the community.  i ADORE you and love you all so so so much. <3333 

MORE PEOPLE I LOOK UP TO AND WANT TO INTERACT WITH ,  BUT I’M BUT AN ANXIETY RIDDLED BABE SO PLEASE THROW YOURSELVES AT ME : --- @commaender  ;  @commandied  ;  @azhefa  ;  @azgona  ;  @astralgenius  ;  @brotheir  ;  @darkseen  ;  @damnfoxed  ;  @damnbrace  ;  @damnloyal  ;  @shenomaly  ;  @damnbird  ; @damnguard  ;  @damnalone  ;  @earthsheir  ;  @earthreina  ;  @fatalruin  ;  @futuresees  ;  @fatalrisk  ;  @genetictraitor  ;  @glassae  ;  @graunfisop  ;  @holykissed  ;  @hqppier  ;  @heroicis  ;  @imperrator  ;  @knowsdeath  ;  @komfolaui  ;  @laendon  ;  @lovkyna  ;  @lovefray  ;  @mortaele  ;  @mortaele  ;  @nextleveldamaged  ;  @otvblake  ;  @puresthearted  ;  @pyrorize  ;  @praesaes  ;  @preytend  ;  @runegiven  ;  @sunhken  ;  @tribrids  ;  @warstroyed  ;  @wanlidas  ;  @avgustia  .

if i missed anyone !!! i’m sorry,  my add makes it super hard to REMEMBER and focus,  BUT i adore you and look up to you so much <333 

[liquorisce]

decisions, decisions pt 2

Fandom : Bleach 

Pairings : Ichihime (ft. some ichi x ishi bickering which we love around here)

Rating : T

Part 1

A/N: A few months ago I wrote a post-tybw-karakura-gang-finishes-high-school kinda thing called ‘decisions, decisions’  ft career choice discussions and orihime thinking of leaving town for uni. I wanted to write some more of that stuff and more ichihime pining obvs, so here it is. also i hate myself for not being able to participate in ichihimeweek2020, i suck, but anyway, ‘nuff with the nonsense, here’s the fic: 

(ps: pls be nice to me and like/reblog/comment or whatevs and tell me what u think, ily thx)

...

It’s five minutes to two, and Ichigo fought to stifle a yawn. The menacing five hundred pages of English grammar exercises in front of him wasn’t helping. 

“... Unbelievable,” he curses, slamming the book shut, much to the annoyance of his bespectacled classmate sitting across him. “Why the hell can’t they just teach us proper English in school?! I’m absolutely fucking positive that Honda-sensei didn’t mention more than three tenses in her class. And what kind of English lesson takes place in Japanese anyway?!” 

“... Quit your whining, Kurosaki. Some of us are trying to study here.” 

Ichigo fumed. By ‘some of us,’ Ishida was pointedly referring to just himself and the long-haired beauty sitting right opposite him, who, judging by her giggling at his outburst, welcomed his distraction. The same giggling that was contributing to the problem, contributing to Ichigo’s immense distraction since after dinner. 

“You’re not even human, Ishida,” he says dismissively. “Keigo’s literally made his bed on my dad’s couch, you can hear his goddamn snores, and Mizuiro left to ‘watch the stars’ with some new girl thirty minutes ago.” 

“You’re the one who invited us over to your place for an all-nighter group study session and you’re calling it quits before the sun is up? As expected, you’re weak.” 

He was right, this had been Ichigo’s idea, Yuzu had offered to make them dinner and his dad had plans tonight, so they were guaranteed some peace and quiet. Despite the noise and the chaos of their group, he missed hanging out with his friends. Ever since the school had given them voluntary study holidays for the upcoming University Entrance Exams, he didn’t get to see much of everyone, as they were either studying or training for competitions. Even today, Tatsuki and Chad left after dinner because they had to get up early for practice and they had decided they wouldn’t be giving the exams anyway. 

Ignoring Ishida’s pointed attempts to rile him up, he turns his attention to Orihime, who despite enjoying their banter, was more focused on the cram book in front of her.  

“Inoue, how are you still so motivated and so… awake?,” he asks, exasperated. “It’s almost 2 am! And you’ve been scribbling away furiously for the last thirty minutes. What are you even studying?”  

“Mouuu, you’re right. I’m not able to solve this proof anyway. Maybe I should call it a night?”

“Electromagnetism?” Ishida asks, skimming the title of the chapter, “Oh, I’ve done this one, I can explain this to you if you want.”  

He doesn’t know what irritates him more, Ishida’s nerdiness, or the soft look in his eyes as he unfailingly offers to help Orihime out, as he’d been doing a lot more of late, ever since they had started studying for the entrance exams together. In fact, it’d been this way this entire evening, starting from when he took a seat right next to her at the table as if he fucking belonged there, leaning over into her notebook, whenever she needed help, his arm casually brushing against her long, silken locks, her answering smile bright and incredibly close to him, and - Ichigo forces that thought to a halt because it has him gritting his teeth.  “... For God’s sake, give her a break,” - 

“... Shut up, Kurosaki, not everyone is applying to study *English* in University”- 

“And what exactly do you mean by that, asshole?” Ichigo snarls, with more venom than needed, because despite having had enough with Ishida’s condescending attitude towards his study choices, his recent behaviour had Ichigo prickling under his skin.  

“... Err, Kurosaki-kun…” Orihime starts, because she’s used to Ichigo and Ishida arguing (they’re just being affectionate, she always insists), there’s a glint in Ichigo’s eyes that’s different.

“... Exactly what I said, some of us don’t have the luxury of skipping the math and science exams,” - 

“Ah, Kurosaki-kun is right! I think my brain really can’t function anymore tonight,” Orihime declares loudly, inserting herself in between them. “Kurosaki-kun, I think I will leave now. Thank you so much for hosting us today.” She bows, her formality annoying him even more, but still throwing him off guard.

As always, Orihime’s pleasant demeanour diffused the rising tempers… somewhat. With one last glare, Ishida grudgingly agreed, “Then I guess I will take my leave as well.” 

Ichigo wants to be polite and say something like, “we should do this more often,” but he’s pissed off, and couldn’t wait to be rid of Ishida’s arrogant mug, so instead he offers, “Inoue, can I walk you home?” 

He doesn’t notice the faint red on her cheeks or the hesitation on her face, when she mumbles, “If it doesn’t inconvenience you.” And he’s torn again - tearing his eyes away from the pretty blush dusting her cheeks unable to stop himself from wondering bitterly if she’d let Ishida walk her home without much protest.

“Ishida lives in the other direction and it would be out of his way, so I don’t mind.” 

“Well then,” Ishida says, looking at her with more fondness than Ichigo would have liked, “Your eyes are all red and puffy. Sleep well. Don’t strain yourself, okay?”

“Yes sir,” she gives him the salute, “... good night!” 

“... And text me that you got home safe. This idiot can’t be trusted with anything,”- 

“... for fuck’s sake, just go home already!” 

“Kurosaki-kun,” she whispers, amused, as she watches Ishida walk away with a cheeky grin on his face, “you’ll wake the neighbours with your angry yelling.”

“Ah, you’re right,” he mumbles, rubbing his neck sheepishly, as their footsteps fall into place beside each other, “I’m sorry for all the swearing, I don’t know why I let Ishida under my skin so much.”   

“Hmmm,” she says, “It’s kind of cute, your bickering. If this were a yaoi novel, I’d totally ship it!” 

“... what the hell?!” His face is red, not just because the thought of him… and Ishida… Ew. But also because this is coming from Orihime, the last person he’d ever expect to engage in fantasies of this sort.

Giggling, she quickly switches to a more somber note. “You seemed... on edge today. Did something happen between the two of you?” 

He doesn’t know how to answer that question. Truth be told, he’s barely able to understand it himself. Sure, there was the usual trading of insults that took place between the two of them, but it was different this time. His whole demeanour just pissed him off. The way he always seemed to know what Orihime was asking, the way he was always able to help her, the familiar way he spoke to her… and the revelation that they’d been studying together for weeks now! 

“I don’t know,” he sighs, because he can’t even explain what he is feeling, let alone the reason behind it, “... I guess it’s just the stress of the exam.” 

“Ugh, tell me about it,” she whines, “I’m so thankful Ishida-kun is giving the same exams as me, and we can share practice questions and tips. I really wouldn’t be able to do this alone.” 

He ignores her mention of him and the tick in his jaw in reaction. “But I don’t get it. You’re giving almost all the exams. Why?!? There’s surely no need.” 

She blushes, ashamed, “I know it sounds stupid, but I really haven’t decided what I want to study in University. I figured if I just gave all of the exams, I would have more options to choose from.” 

“... Come on,” - 

“... And I will also prefer to go wherever I get a scholarship.”  

His fist clenches, “... So you’re definitely applying outside of Karakura?” 

“Yeah, although I’m not sure if there’s any point. It’s so difficult to aim for the National Universities, I’ll never get through. But the counselor says it’s worth a shot for the scholarship.”

“... I thought your aunt was helping you with tuition?” 

“... Only till high school. And I cannot burden her anymore. I’ve received so much from her already.” 

Ichigo doesn’t miss the way her voice wavers at the end, the guilt evident in her words. And he can’t stand it. “... Cheer up,” he says softly, playfully elbowing her. “You’re one of the smartest kids in school. Rank #2 after all the shit we went through last year! If anyone can do it you can.” 

“... You think so?” she mumbles, looking up at him, her insecurities heartbreaking in the grey of her eyes.  

Everything about her is so honest, it hurts him a little bit because his first thought is to say no, to talk her out of it, because the revelation is too sudden, too jarring - he can’t bear  the thought of this town without her. But he nods, smiles encouragingly, because that’s just way too selfish.

Shaking his head out of these thoughts, he asks, “... what was the counselor’s recommendation, again? As a career path?” 

“Ah, Hirata-san said maybe I should just follow my love for baking,” she says, smiling. 

“... and? Why don’t you consider that? You wouldn’t have to give these blasted exams then.” 

He liked the idea of this, now more than before, momentarily regretting his role in convincing her to apply to university. Orihime working in the local bakery, coming around his house everyday to share the leftovers, staying back for dinner maybe… 

“... but Kurosaki-kun was the one who said I wouldn’t be very good at it!” She pouts, “You said I’d make too many things in weird flavours and nobody would want to buy them.” 

Crap. He truly felt like waltzing back in time and whacking the past version of him for saying something like that.  Because if it were anyone else shitting all over Orihime’s dream, he’d have sent the punk flying. Where were all these feelings coming from anyway?! 

“... Shit, I didn’t mean,” - 

“... it’s okay, you’re right. And besides I can work there part-time through University. I was thinking…” She took a deep breath. “Well, actually, it was Ishida-kun’s idea. Maybe I could study to become a doctor? My strength is in healing people anyway…” 

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Well of course, he'd say that. He's going to study medicine too." And of course he would try to talk Orihime into it. The bastard had taken every opportunity to slither by her side - 

She laughs, a pretty sound, interrupting the profanity in his mind. "Yeah, he did say it would be nice to have some company… but I'm not sure." Sighing, she asks, "How did you decide on English Studies?" 

It wasn't too difficult for him honestly. It helped that he was fairly certain he didn't want to study math or science going forward. "... I like stories. And I want to be able to read and share stories in a global medium, so I decided to study English." 

He looks at her only to find her looking at him in fascination, "... Truth be told, I didn't spend too much time thinking about it. The career aptitude test returned similar results as well, so I just went with it." He shrugs, "I think I'll enjoy it. Let's see." 

"Ahh, you sound so optimistic about your studies, Kurosaki-kun. I wish I could be like that." 

They've reached her apartment building now and she turns to look at him, wistfully. He wishes he could do something for her, ease her anxieties in some way. 

"What about you?" He asks. 

She looks at him, puzzled.  

"... You've told me all about what everyone wants you to do. What do you want to do? I'm sure you must have some inkling." 

“... I,” she stops, opens her mouth again to say something, but nothing comes out. “... what I want… ah, you’ll probably think it’s silly.” She smiles wistfully to herself, because this wasn’t something that she’d ever admitted out loud.

He rolls his eyes, “... Try me.” Because she was many things, and yes, definitely silly sometimes in that unique way of hers, but he would never, could never, call her dreams silly. It’s a moment of realization for him, when he gets angry with the way she dismisses her own dreams that way, and he feels overwhelmed with the desire to pick them up, and keep them safe where no one can trample them, along with that spaced-out, wistful smile of hers. 

“Well,” she gulps, nervous, “I’ve never really thought too much about going to university. Sensei says I’m wasting my potential... but honestly, I think I’ll be happy working.” 

She looks at him unsurely, waiting for a reaction, an opinion, like everyone else. Everyone who’d been urging her to continue school and pursue all kinds of studies that she could possibly do, but… “I just - I want to build a simple life with someone I love. A family, maybe, someday.” 

It comes out so fast, she wishes she could grab the words and shove them back in her mouth. She chances a glance at him, her cheeks hot and furiously embarrassed. 

His expression is unreadable as he gazes down at her. She’s beautiful in the moonlight, he thinks, and it isn’t really a revelation to him, but the melancholy of her beauty is, the loneliness that he wishes he could extinguish as easily as he does hollows. “A simple life huh…” he murmurs. And he can almost picture it, Orihime, ten years from now, a child in her arms, a little boy maybe, with her wide brown eyes and - 

“Well, looks like you have planned it out better than any of us,” he manages hoarsely, unable to look her in the eye anymore. Not with all these… feelings simmering so close to the surface. And before he can help himself, “Do you already know who this mystery man is?” 

He’s come to realize how absolutely unequipped he is to hear the answer, but her unassuming statement has already taken residence inside him somehow, a burning sensation accompanying it. 

 His question jolts her into consciousness, and she notices they’re almost at her apartment. “Ah Kurosaki-kun is very curious today,” she laughs nervously, “only one confession per day! That’s the limit!” The fake cheer in her voice grates in her own ears but she hopes desperately it will steer him away because she’s this close to telling him sometimes, and this was one of those times. Especially in these rare moments when she feels an odd mixture of weakness and greed, where she wants to latch on to him and ask him to stay by her side, hoping selfishly that his kindness will make him say yes. But Orihime was practiced at hiding those feelings away. 

 “Is that right,” he smiles teasingly, albeit weakly, “... I didn’t know you were so mysterious, Inoue. Well goodnight, then.” 

And as he watches her climb up the stairs to her floor, and then lean over the railings to wave goodbye one more time, he can’t help but think of that image of her again, happy and in love and so beautifully fulfilled. And he thinks of the shadow of the man next to her, who will protect that dream and that smile, and his stomach clenches bitterly. 

“You deserve it,” he whispers to her retreating figure, “... You deserve all of it.”

- fin - 

A/N : The ending was cheesy, I KNOW UGH

[jacensolodjo]

First of all, thank you again to the recent anon message that gave me the push to finally write this down to be able to put Jaster into the mix, not just Sheres, as I wasn’t really sure if I should or if it was best left unsaid for the time being. The Alphas are my domain and will be forever more but sometimes I worry about going a tad too far and whatnot with weaving my OCs into ‘canon’ story. (Seriously I wish I could express how much it means when people show an interest in my OC stuff or even just stuff in general. I know it is starting to sound silly but gosh. I like knowing I'm not just using my blog as a notebook lol mi blog es su blog, please pick up a fun goodie bag on your way home)

I apologize for the chunky-ass paragraphs and the rambling.

So, a quick recap for people who either don’t have a lot of knowledge about the comics or just Legends stuff in general:

In ‘Legends’, the story of Grievous, clones, Asajj, and others is entirely different from the story we now have. In the original story, Grievous and Asajj fought against clone troopers (and Jedi of course) on a planet far different from the planets they were on in the new canon. The former grievously (haaaaaaaaa) wounds Alpha 17. Asajj is also injured in the fight (not by Grievous tho which yes I have to make that clear because they have fought each other before lol) and considered to be nothing more than a corpse. And someone had the bright fucking idea to put the two of them in a shuttle back to Republic space (even if you really do believe she’s dead why the FUCK would you put someone who literally tortured another someone in the SAME TRANSPORT with said tortured someone. Since 17 is not dead and may or may not have been unconscious so waking up to Asajj would not be a fun thing). The very last thing we see where A17 is concerned is... Asajj taking control of the shuttle by killing off the pilot and so forth. This puts an already possibly paralyzed Alpha 17 in some dire straits. This is unfortunately the last we hear about 17 and so he is presumed dead, killed by his literal torturer so many months after their initial meeting. 

Now that we have that out of the way.

In my slightly happier fun time idea for 17 regarding this, I decided anyone with even half a brain cell would realize putting him on the same shuttle as Asajj Ventress is the worst idea in the history of the galaxy, dead or NOT. MAYBE if he wasn’t fucking paralyzed now (but would still be really gross to do w/ his history where Asajj is concerned). I change nothing else about this end of the war for him (because it IS the end of the war for him). The only other thing I decided was that his injury needed to be elaborated on, to be narrowed down to WHAT exactly did Grievous’s saber hit? And so I decided, L4/L5 spinal severance which means he cannot walk. He’s alive. But he can’t walk.

This is where I have to really decide where to bring Jaster into the mix, since I already decided it takes a few months post O66 for Sheres and 17 to buddy up. Jaster has the personal touch going for him, but Sheres has the medical. Next to that, I have managed to get myself firmly planted into the ground when it comes to having Jaster and 17 as an ‘item’ and no you can't change my mind.

Jaster during O66 is kinda in a maelstrom just like everyone else just with different conflicting thoughts since his orders actually have nothing to do with the Jedi. He is trying to figure out which orders to follow, which ones to not. Next to trying to figure out how to keep his young charges safe. But the fight with Grievous isn’t during O66 (since Obi-Wan is involved). So where is Jaster when 17 is getting his spine severed? In the interest of ‘might as well go all the way’, I feel like he may have picked up on the chatter about Asajj and Grievous and whatnot and managed to meet 17′s shuttle halfway to Coruscant. He was likely on a ship with a group of young clones who were freshly graduated, simply so it makes sense for him to be able to slip away to find 17. If he had been with actual cadets, he would have been conflicted about leaving them for 17. “You could have saved yourselves” is one of the important lines that 17 has when the cadets try to thank him during the Defense of Kamino. But Jaster was explicitly told by Jango that the cadets were his number one priority. And they are for 17, as well. Just in a different way. Jaster cares because they’re young vode. 17 cares because they are alive for one purpose: to fight for the Republic. But Jaster then knows that 17 would bite his head off for leaving the cadets during the death throes of the Republic/Clone War. One of the few things the Alphas all agree on is that Jango’s orders are paramount (even IF 17 is a hypocrite because he scolds the Nulls for listening only to Kal for the most part but that is... way more to unpack that we don’t have time for lmao needless to say he’s an asshole about it and there’s little defense for it). 

So, through sheer coincidence one could be forgiven for blaming the Force for, Jaster is in the right place at the right time. He is once again saving 17's shebs, a fact that 17 will never be okay with. (like just in a general ‘no i was gonna be JUST FINE’ but he is actually thankful and when all the planets align just right he even says thanks.)

Since all clones have basic first aid (as does pretty much any soldier for obvious reasons), Jaster is at least able to stabilize 17 and keep him fed and hydrated and in as little pain as possible. Because unfortunately through my own first hand experience, I know spinal damage doesn’t mean no pain. 

This is actually a lot better for 17 than the idea of him kinda drifting, falling through the cracks, before and after O66. In the original ‘rewrite’ of this part of the war, 17 essentially barely survives until Sheres finds him. But having Jaster there, even if he still has to keep doing his job until O66, means a lot for 17. His heart doesn’t grow like the Grinch, it’s more of a House situation where he softens. Still ‘a little rude for a clone’. But not a complete 180* of his personality. I mean he was already kinda softening anyways. He was learning, he wasn’t ignorant of what happens to his siblings like Tavo. He cares. In his way. 

[wosoimagines]

Roller Coasters and Popsicles

So, I’m back. This is the first story I’m going to be posting today. Keep sending me requests. I’m getting all of them and I’m working on them. I’ve got most of the ones that are in my inbox jotted down into my notebook. You guys can send me ones for certain players too. I get a lot of requests for baby R on the USWNT, and I love those, but I don’t want you guys to feel like that’s all I write.

prompt: I love your writing my dude!! If you don’t mind could you write one where Reader is the youngest on the USWNT and also the smartest and goes to Harvard. She’s always ranting about random stuff to the team and one day after a hard practice she’s ranting about something random. But someone snaps at her and so she never does it again. Flash forward and everyone notices she doesn’t talk as much and they all feel bad cuz they were just tired and didn’t mean to make their baby feel bad.

warnings: Swearing.

words: 1879

(Y/N) POV

It was weird being for me to actually be preparing for the World Cup. I had been with the national team since I was 17, but it was still hard for me to grasp now that I was an 18-year-old soon-to-be 19-year-old. The team was really easy to get along with for the most part. I was sure that it was mainly because the team saw me as the baby and they just loved being overprotective.

With a family as big, weird, and dysfunctional as we were, it wasn’t too surprising to me that they loved to be overprotective. The whole team could be that way with all of the younger players. Because of that, I always had to remind them that I didn’t want them to go easy on me.

“Come on, Sonnett. You haven’t been able to stop me all day,” I ran past the defender after getting another ball into the goal. I was aware that it wouldn’t be this easy to get a goal at the World Cup.

Sonnett grumbled as we both ran to get set up again. Jill had us scrimmaging today and I wanted to take advantage of going up against the women who made up the best team in the world. Especially since I was the only one on the team that was in college. It was why I had to give every practice everything I had, and I couldn’t allow the others to go easy on me.

Practice never got harder when I went against Sonnett and it didn’t completely surprise me when she had to stay back and talk with Jill. I waited around for her since we normally sat together on the bus. When Sonnett got out of the shower, I joined her side as we were the last two heading to the bus.

“You should get a popsicle,” I said causing Sonnett to look at me. “I eat popsicles all the time after I have a rough practice or game. Always helps me. I guess that’s why I keep eating them.”

“I don’t want a popsicle, (Y/N),” Sonnett said. I slowly nodded and I didn’t blame her. I only had popsicles after I had rough games or practices because it was something my Dad had started to do with me.

“Did you know that popsicles were created by complete accident?” I asked as I knew my eyes had to light up like they always did when I got to tell anyone about the facts that I knew. “A boy named Frank Epperson created the first one on accident in 1905 when-”

“I don’t care about your stupid facts, (Y/N)!” Sonnett cut me off as I looked at her. “I don’t care that you know everything that you do, (Y/N)! I don’t care that you go to Havard! And I don’t care that you’re the smartest one here! If I wanted to know the fucking history behind popsicles, I would have asked Siri instead of you. At least she isn’t as annoying.”

I ducked my head down as I refused to let her see the tears that the harsh words were brought to my eyes. Sonnett stalked on ahead of me as I wiped at my eyes before pulling my headphones out. I pulled them on so that the others on the bus wouldn’t talk to me on our way back to the hotel. Sonnett climbed onto the bus before I did and I saw her sitting by Lindsey, so I slid into a seat by myself upfront.

I was the first one off of the bus when we pulled up to the hotel. I kept my head down as I headed into the hotel with my headphones still on. I just wanted to get to my room to take a nap before we went out for team dinner.

Tierna POV

I sat next to (Y/N) throughout dinner, but it seemed like I was the only one who she would talk to. She stayed pretty quiet throughout dinner. The most surprising was that we hadn’t gotten any of her weird facts that we normally heard from her.

“You ok?” I nudged (Y/N). She looked at me a little confused but nodded. “Haven’t heard any facts from you tonight.”

“Guess I’ve just run out,” (Y/N) shrugged. I furrowed my own brow in confusion as (Y/N) turned back to listen to what Pinoe was saying. I couldn’t help through the rest of the night as I paid a bit more attention to (Y/N). She wasn’t even talking a lot much less telling anyone her little weird facts we had started to know her by.

I stuck close to the younger college player when we headed back to the hotel. I noticed that she was also hesitant to hang out with the rest of us. She did drift closer to Tobin and even A.D. throughout the night. It wasn’t entirely surprising since (Y/N) was closer with the Thorns players on the team since she grew up in Portland so she was in Portland all the time when she wasn’t at Harvard. It was a little surprising, however, that (Y/N) avoided Sonnett and, by extension, Lindsey.

Eventually, Alex forced (Y/N) to head to bed. Alex turned to have me make sure that (Y/N) got to bed since we were sharing a room this camp. I had assured her that (Y/N) would get to bed before 1:00 am. (Y/N) didn’t even seem like fighting the bedtime that Alex had set for her. (Y/N) just seemed off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Has anyone else noticed the change in (Y/N)?” I asked as I sat down at the large table to eat breakfast. It was our day off and (Y/N) had decided to sleep in today so, I was leaving our room when she was getting up. It was the best time to bring up the unusual behavior from (Y/N) last night. Everyone turned their attention to me.

“What are you talking about?” Kelley asked. I was a little surprised that Kelley and Alex hadn’t noticed the change in (Y/N). The two of them had named themselves as (Y/N)’s moms on the team.

“She didn’t talk a lot last night,” A.D. pointed out.

“So, (Y/N) didn’t talk last night, that’s not unusual,” Crystal said. I rolled my eyes because it seemed that no one else had noticed the change in (Y/N).

“I didn’t hear a fact out of her any last night after dinner,” Tobin said.

“She didn’t say any during dinner either,” I added to draw the attention back to me. “When I asked her about it, she said that she had run out of facts.”

“(Y/N) ran out of facts to tell us?” Kelley asked causing me to nod my head. “Impossible. She’s like the encyclopedia of weird facts.” Alex put a hand on Kelley’s shoulder so that Kelley would lower her voice.

“So what happened?” Alex asked. Sonnett winced when that question was asked, and I wasn’t the only one to notice.

“What did you do?” Kelley turned to Sonnett. It was a little weird to see Kelley trying to get to Sonnett. She would have if Alex wasn’t holding her back. We were all looking at Sonnett. But Sonnett seemed like if she wasn’t sure if she would tell us what had happened or not. “What did you do, Emily?”

“I didn’t mean to. It just happened,” Sonnett defended. Alex let go of Kelley so that the older defender could get into Sonnett’s face.

“What did you do?” Kelley’s voice dropped and we could hear the anger in Kelley’s voice.

“I had a bad day yesterday and I took it out on (Y/N),” Sonnett said. Most of us were throwing glares at Sonnett. Kelley opened her mouth to probably ask Sonnett what exactly had happened, but she didn’t need to. “I couldn’t stop her yesterday at practice and afterward she told me that I should get a popsicle before trying to tell me how popsicles were created.”

“What did you say?” Alex asked with a glare pointed at Sonnett. It was obvious how much Kelley and Alex cared about (Y/N).

“I told her that I didn’t care about her facts or that she went to Harvard,” Sonnett ducked her head down. Some of the others launched their food at the defender in question.

“You’re a dumbass,” Ash called out. Ali slapped Ash’s shoulder but kept a glare pointed at Sonnett.

“You can’t just fucking tell someone that, Emily,” Pinoe added. The others were nodding in agreement. Some that were closer to Sonnett, made a point to hit the defender.

“You’re going to fix this,” Kelley hissed. Sonnett looked up at the older defender. “I don’t care how, but (Y/N) better be her normal self by dinner.”

(Y/N) POV

Today had been a little weird as most everyone on the team had come through to spend some time in mine and Tierna’s room until the past hour. There was a knock on the door and I was going to ignore it, but whoever it was wouldn’t stop.

“I’m coming,” I called out as I rolled out of my bed. I opened the door without looking through the peephole, and I tried to shut the door when I saw who was on the other side. Sonnett stopped me from shutting the door.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N),” Sonnett immediately said. I was still trying to shut the door as she was pushing to keep it open. “I brought you some popsicles since you probably had a bad day after what I said.”

I stopped pushing the door and leaned my head against the door. I groaned but I held my hand out for the popsicles. Sonnett put the box in my hands and I looked at it. Sonnett stayed outside the door. I pulled the door open some more so that Sonnett would come in.

“I shouldn’t have said what I did yesterday,” Sonnett started. “Your facts are stupid and I do care about hearing them. I do care that you go to Harvard. You’re probably the smartest person on this team, you know.”

“Why did you say those things?”

“I had a rough day yesterday. You were just easy to take it out on,” Sonnett looked away from me. I couldn’t help but think that I was the cause of that as well, though. I shut the door as I turned and got back into my bed. I opened the box of popsicles and held one out to Sonnett. Sonnett took the popsicle before joining me on the bed. I smiled before picking out my own popsicle. 

“Tell me something.”

“You know how roller coasters were created?” I didn’t have to wait for Sonnett’s shake of her head because I knew that she didn’t. “They were invented to distract Americans from sin.”

Sonnett shook her head in disbelief. I smiled because she seemed like she really wanted to know about the fact. I couldn’t help but tell her about the history of roller coasters before going back and finishing the history of popsicles as we ate through the box of popsicles.

[authoressskr]

Write Into Your Arms [4]

Characters: f!Reader, James “Bucky” Barnes, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, James “Rhodey” Rhodes, Peter Parker, Hope Van Dyne, Natasha Romanoff, Scott Lang, Wanda Maximoff, Vision, Okoye, T’Challa, Shuri, Clint Barton, Happy Hogan, Dr. Strange, Wong, Bruce Banner, Thor, Amelina Rodrigez (OFC), Carol Danvers, Rocket Raccoon, Groot, Peter Quill, Gamora, Nebula, Mantis and Drax.

Warnings: Language, Angst (mostly in and out of last couple chapters), Action (3rd chapter) and no Beta (just me and Grammerly up in here)

Word Count: 11,560   ::   Pairing: Bucky x f!Reader

This was written for @jewelofwinter’s Writing Challenge!! I also incorporated a prompt for @jaamesbbarnes + @sgtjbuccky’s D&S’ Milestone Celebration!!

Prompt: “Tin Man lost Y/N.” (@jewelofwinter’s prompt) + “Publicly, I agree. Personally, I think it’s chickenshit.” (D&S’ prompt) Bolded in text below. Prompt #1 will appear in the third part while Prompt #2 appears in the second part. The next parts will be posted by the end of this week. All will be linked.

Summary: You’re a small-time blog writer who is invited to interview the Avengers. ALL the Avengers.

*Note: Endgame happened - kind of. Steve didn’t go back to the 40s. Tony didn’t die. Natasha got brought back with the Bruce Snap. Bruce is not the Hulk mashup they had going on. Everything else happened. This takes place 3 years after defeating Thanos.*

[PART 3]

Please do NOT repost, copy & paste, post or share my works on any other platform without my EXPRESS PERMISSION.

-+- REBLOGGING is fine and very appreciated! -+-

Sleeping alone the last few nights had taken forever and you feel it begin to take its toll.

You’re still scrubbing a hand over your exhausted face as you tottle into the kitchen. Happy is making a smoothie, the grinding noise immediately grinding on your nerves at the shitty sleep you had gotten.

What if you screwed up and now you needed someone to sleep with after the attack? With that someone being a certain blue-eyed Sergeant…

You shove that thought away for a later time as you climb onto a barstool.

“Smoothie? Banana and strawberry - got some blueberries in there too. A little protein powder to kick it up a little.” Happy is far too chipper for you this early, but you force a smile at him. It’s not his fault you slept so bad.

“Sure. I’ll take whatever.”

“Granola?”

“I’m gonna have to stop you there, Happy. Only one healthy thing at breakfast at a time.” You push yourself out of the barstool to look in the fridge nearly cursing aloud when you see the milk is gone. All three fucking different kinds. “Ugh. I guess I’ll have some granola, Hap.”

“Yogurt?”

“Yes, sir.” You look around the empty kitchen. Weird. Extra weird. “Where is everyone?”

“Steve, Bucky, Sam, Carol, Hope, Scott, Shuri, and Peter all went for a morning run. They should be back in about half an hour. Tony and Pepper headed to the Tower to handle some paperwork and meetings. Okoye is in the conference room with a call from Wakanda. Bruce, T’Challa, Vision, Thor, Rocket, and Nebula are in the big lab - doing what, I don’t know. Not sure I want to know. Quill and Drax are presumably still sleeping on the ship. Gamora and Wong are sparring in the gym with Natasha, Wanda, and Clint. I assume Strange popped out, but again, can’t say for sure. Don’t have a clue where Rhodey is either. Mantis, Groot and Valkyrie are walking the grounds.”

“Valkyrie?!” You gasp around a mouthful of granola. “When did she get here?!”

“Thor went and got her. Said it would cheer you up after the Incident to see the King of Asgard.”

“Aww. He’s too sweet!” Well, that was beyond thoughtful!

“Yeah, he’s a great guy,” Happy leans on the countertop, looking you dead in the eye, “So what are you and Barnes doing? Just ask him out. Everyone is betting on it happening and if you do it today, I get $500 extra dollars from Rhodey and an extra couple grand from Tony.”

“What the hell, Happy?! Not cool, buddy.” You hiss at him, shocked at his words. Not terribly surprised, since there was a building full of bored superheroes who all operate real money like a toddler with a fistful of Monopoly money.

“What? You like him, he likes you. I don’t see a problem. You two shared a bed, he’s been following you around and taking pictures of you, he’s got a nickname for you...the two of you are constantly brushing against each other now. I could go on…” He waves his hand in a forward motion, making you frown. Bucky was taking pictures of you? And following you around? And you hadn’t noticed either of those things? Had he been the one to take your camera?

“Thanks for breakfast, Happy.” You manage not to snap the words out and also manage not to stomp back to your room. But once there, you hover just past the closed and locked door.

What to do now?

You feel a need in your chest. Maybe you need the relief crying brings? And it’s this thought that makes you wonder: Is it the lack of sleep? Is it the back and forth with Bucky? Is it the fact you are seemingly so easy for all of them to read? How had you let this happen?

You let them draw you out of your bubble while mooning over the former Winter Soldier...

Your emotions were too over the place right now but you knew what you needed to do: finish up these interviews and get the hell out before you got your heartbroken.

Although you feared it was already badly bruised by this decision.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

“Doll?” Bucky draws her out of her thoughts, your eyes just staring out over the empty gym. “You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve been sort of out of it since yesterday. Do you need to, ya know, talk to someone?”

“No,” You give him a tight smile. “Just lost in my thoughts.”

“Maybe you need a break?”

“I need to finish the interviews.” Bucky takes your hand in his gently, his thumb rubbing along the back of your hand. He had barely seen you yesterday and it worried him.

“I think you need a break, beautiful. You were staring off into space and the only reason I knew you were in here was because I heard you sigh.”

“It’s just so much more difficult with them! And I don’t know why!” You flip open your notebook, pointing to the interview with Rocket you just finished, angrily jabbing at the offending page. “Rocket doesn’t remember where he’s from or where he escaped from exactly and he’s defensive about it. Won’t discuss it at all. Which is fine. Really!” Another sigh escapes you. “But every other question I ask he just scoffs at. Plus he’s throwing a lot of alien terms out when he talks about what he does, which I then have to have him explain. That just leads to him complaining and that just takes time from the interview.”

“Rocket might be better with someone like him to keep him straight. I’ll talk to Tony about it, okay? Did you have lunch yet?”

“No.”

“Well we should -” She withdraws her hand from his, Bucky’s chest tightening at the action.

“And I’m not hungry. Thank you though, Bucky. I’m just going to go find Valkyrie. Maybe she’ll be easier to interview.” She collects her things quietly, slipping from the room as Bucky sits there a bit bewildered.

Yesterday she hadn’t really spoken to anyone and he’d felt bad for not spending more time with her. They’d taken extra time on the morning run to help the vineyard owner with their vintage truck that had broken down on the road. And when they’d gotten home and showered, Thor had just been going on and on about his wonderful interview to Bruce, Scott, and Stephen. Bucky had shot the god a dirty look before clenching his jaw so hard he was sure he heard a pop.

Bucky had figured she would have already been up, about and ready to interview. And she had just one interview that day; Quill. 

He’d given her a tour of the ship and then they stayed on board while they did the interview - Bucky seated by one of the big windows closest to the patio forcing himself every so often to unclench his jaw and relax his fisted hands as he waited not-so-patiently for them to return to the compound.

He knows the Guardians are different than the Avengers, a little more avant-garde and rough around the edges - okay, a lot more - but he also knows they’ll do the right thing. Most of the time. And Tony has reminded him that he needs to trust them with her.

But he doesn’t want to.

He exits the gym just as quietly as she did, determined to track Steve and Tony down. You needed the Guardians to work with you so you could do a good job on the interviews. That’s when he passes by the conference room, your voice drawing him from his thoughts and making him pause.

“I’m glad with the results, Lina.” You have the phone tucked between your ear and shoulder, scribbling in your notebook with a little frown.

“No, Lina, I’m not going to do that.”

“Yes,” You huff out angrily. “I am aware I don’t sound like myself.”

“No! I’m not going to just throw in the towel and go home!” He watches you run your fingers through your hair before giving it a sharp tug.

“I will get through these damn interviews if it kills me.”

“I’m so fucking tired. My emotions are everywhere. Bucky just found me staring off into space. I need some sleep. I need a drink. I need to stop feeling guilty for badgering them with questions, eating their food and wearing the very expensive clothes Tony got me. I need something else but I don’t know what it is.”

“It’s not homesickness. I just want -” You pause. “I don’t even know what I want.” It’s a whisper, your confession, and it makes his chest squeeze tighter. He stops eavesdropping and continues to go find Tony and Steve, calling out to FRIDAY once he’s out of earshot, determined to make you feel better - like before.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

Valkyrie is a blessing from above.

You honestly almost burst out in tears at her calm, concise demeanor and frankness.

She’s whip-smart, unafraid to speak her mind, and witty to boot. She offers you a drink as soon as you sit down, making you shake your head no. You really don’t need to drink in the mindset you’re in right now. Then again… No. No, better not.

“Were the Valkyries on Asgard anything like the ones written about here on Earth?” She snorts at your question, taking a long pull from her beer bottle before tossing herself into the oversized blue chair in her room.

“No, not at all. There are a few similarities, but we weren’t sewing and making bullshit tapestries of the humans ‘great battles’. We were warriors. When we weren’t honing our skills, training Valkyrie hopefuls or drinking, we led normal lives on Asgard. Our leader sat in on meetings with Odin, we helped patrol the city in times of uncertainty, we courted and loved...we were strong.” She leads off, looking away from you.

“And then Hela came?” Your words are soft, the look in your eyes even softer.

“And then Hela came. First, she destroyed my sisters, my family, my friends. Took everything from me. And then she came again. Like a ghost from the past, I had hoped never to lay my eyes on again.” She swallows before pursing her lips slightly, tapping her thumb idly against her bottle. “Only this time she killed our people and destroyed our home. This time she nearly took everything again. But Asgard is a people, not a place. And I survived to see her die, so I feel I was able to avenge my sisters in a way.”

“I think they’d be glad to know she’s gone and can’t hurt anyone anymore.” She nods once before leaning back in the chair. “To think, a lot of things might have gone differently if Odin had been honest.” Valkyrie snorts in agreement before taking another drink. “Asgardians seems to have some pretty big secrets.”

“That’s what happens when you live so long, little poet,” Valkyrie winks before shuffling down a bit more in the chair.

“I suppose so,” You raise an eyebrow at the nickname, agreeing to her words with a little shrug before diving into your other questions. Asgardians nickname you FAST.

Asking about New Asgard, about being King, and about what she misses most about her sisters distracts you from your thoughts of failure on your other interviews and from Bucky, who had been so nice to you, but hadn’t really tried to touch you in the last two days until just before in the gym. He seemed to be distracting himself just as much as you are and it slightly pisses you off that he still feels guilty over what happened. But the anger always dissipates nearly as soon as you recognize it, knowing you aren’t angry - but something else. If only you could fucking figure out what that something else was...

“Something you like about Earth?”

“Variety,” She says with a grin that has some flirty overtones, chuckling when your eyes widen ever so slightly. “Ya know,” She begins, bracing her elbows on her knees, “I could help take your mind off whatever troubles you, little poet. We can get Bruce or Thor if that makes you feel better.” She reaches out to pat your knee affectionately and while this isn’t the first time you’ve been propositioned - by a man or woman - this was the first time others were offered as part of the deal. And unlike the others, you don’t feel leery of Valkyrie. What she’s offering is honest and upfront, with no side agenda like the men always seemed to have. You were slightly shocked you still felt comfortable with her after she suggested that. Now you kind of wish Bucky would suggest that, but you know that would hurt your heart more when you had to leave.

“Thank you for that. But I don’t have sex with people I’m interviewing.” Her grin never leaves her face.

“That’s alright. I’ll ask again when you’re done with your writing and interviewing,” You can’t help smiling at her tone, so self-assured, feeling her hand at the small of your back as she heads towards her bedroom door with you. “I wouldn’t sleep with Thor but I think you’d enjoy it. Bruce, I might be tempted to, but I like the Hulk better, but I know he would see to your pleasure. But I know you’ve got your eye on the metal-armed super soldier.” You look at her, the question must have been crystal clear in your eyes, along with the shock of her talking about Bruce and Thor’s sexual prowess. “We all see it. The way you look at him, the way he looks at you. I find it adorable you are so shy, easy going and easily flustered. Not to mention attractive. So I understand why the Sergeant glares at everyone who gets a little too close, touches you a little longer than appropriate here on Earth.” Sort of like now...

“Thank you for the compliments, Brunhilde.” Her eyebrow arching smoothly with surprise. “Thor didn’t tell me - I just did my homework and guessed,” A small sigh escapes your lips after your victorious smile. “I thought we took a step back after the attack but I also thought he would make a move after we smoothed that out. But I’m still waiting. And I’m tired of initiating too. I-I-I’m just not very good at this.” You gesture between yourself and the closed door and then between yourself and Brunhilde.

“Don’t worry, little poet. I’ll help you out. You don’t need to do anything. We can give him the kick in the pants he needs.”

“But,” She drops her hand, lifting it to squeeze your free hand at your soft tone. “I don’t want him forced or coerced. I want him to want me and act on it.”

“And that’s what you deserve, little poet,” And she kisses your cheek tenderly. “Let’s get you something to eat.”

:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::xxxxxxxxxx:::

“Alright, listen up, freeloaders!” Every head snaps towards Tony. “Apparently our new housemates aren’t treating our writer well.”

“How is that our fault? You all are the ones who tossed her outside to fend for herself!” Quill shouts back, pushing himself out of his chair to stand before Bucky growls at him across the table.

“Look, we aren’t at a damn cantina in space - so I need you to pull your heads out of your asses and for fuck’s sake stop flirting with her,” Tony glares at Quill. “And stop making her feel stupid for not knowing your space jargon, Mr. Build-A-Bear,” Tony points to Rocket, “or butting into others interviews,” Tony gestures towards Drax who looks to his left at Nebula, who rolls her eyes. “No, not her, Drax. You!” Drax points to himself.

“I didn’t interrupt anyone.”

“You interrupted me! How am I supposed to make a move on her when you’re in the ship butting in?”

“She isn’t here for you to hit on,” Scott clarifies. “She’s here to interview us. She wants to make us look human, make everyone see the sacrifices we’ve been through and you schmucks are gonna drive her to drink!”

“I agree with the Ant. She is too...chipper for myself but seems more than competent. More so than these morons,” Nebula’s rough voice disturbs the quiet after Scott.

“Okay - fine! I’ll try not to hit on her anymore and Rocket will try to be nicer. I can’t fix Drax -”

“I’ll try to keep them more in line,” Gamora agrees with a nod, tapping her forefinger against the heavy wooden tabletop.

“You should all be responsible for yourselves. Be nice. She’s nice to all of you. She was so excited you all were coming and so far her favorite person is Valkyrie of New Asgard. On Earth.”

“That really can’t be helped, she is rather wonderful,” Thor smiles at Tony who fights an eye roll. “Both of them.”

Bucky nearly snarls at Thor, gripping the arm of his chair so tight he feels the metal buckle beneath his grip.

“We will all be better behaved. Even if I must make them, Mr. Stark, sir.”

“Thank you, Mantis.” Rhodey gives her a nod. “Everyone go ahead and go about the rest of your day.”

They all file out except Bucky and Thor who are staring each other down.

“I am not after the little rose, Sergeant.”

“She’d be better off with someone like you. But I just can’t let her go, you understand?”

“I do. But she is already taken with you. She does not look at any of us, nor talks to any of us as she talks to you.” Bucky nods, releasing the metal from his grip and resting his hand on the table.

“I’m-I know I should ask her out but yesterday and today...makes me think that she’s trying to stop herself from getting hurt.”

“You won’t hurt her, Bucky. It is not in your makeup to harm her nor anyone you care about. You are more different than Steve then I realized, but I like it. Remind me of myself after I learned some hard lessons.”

“I’m glad we are on the same page then.”

“Oh, my friend, we are not on the same page at all.” Thor begins with a deep chuckle as Bucky’s eyebrows shoot up. “I agree you might deserve her and I agree I will not pursue her now, but you need to make a decision or release her. Valkyrie and I both already have a soft spot for her. And are waiting eagerly in the wings, as it were.” Thor stands with a bright, happy grin, clapping his hands and rubbing them together. “I’ll see you at dinner then!” And he walks from the room like he fucking owns it.

“I hate him,” Bucky mutters to himself before leaving the conference room in a huff.

:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxxx:::

Natasha comes into your room while you’re parked in your usual spot, laptop playing the opening chords of ‘All My Life’ by K-Ci and JoJo as you switch between typing and adding notes to your notebook.

“Did you find your camera?”

“What?!” You set your laptop to the side, focusing all your attention on the redhead. “You had it?”

“Yes. I wanted to see what pictures you had taken.”

“You could’ve asked!” Natasha pauses for a nano-second before shrugging.

“Sometimes I forget you are so open. With no ulterior motives.”

“Natasha, you honestly have no idea how much it hurts that that is how you live your life. Always suspicious.”

“It’s kept me alive.”

“I’m sure it’s kept many people alive. But what a terrible mindset to always be thinking ‘What do they want from me?’ or ‘What information are they after?’” You turn back towards the window, pulling your laptop back into your lap and staring resolutely at the screen. “Thank you for returning it, Natasha. Did you need anything else?”

“No, I suppose not. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Thank you for the concern, but I’m just dandy.”

“And you’re still a terrible liar. I just wanted to let you know that Rocket and Groot will be ready in an hour to interview. Well, re-interview for the trash panda.”

“Thank you for letting me know, Natasha. I’ll get on that.”

“Come see me afterward,” Her voice leaves no room for argument so you just nod, the door closing softly behind the redhead, the sound nearly covered by the sound of your heavy sigh.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

Rocket is faaaar better behaved this time around - and that makes you suspicious.

Thor comes in about halfway through and whispers that he’ll review the recording with you later if you’d like to make sure Rabbit is translating correctly. You thank him, giving his hand on the back of your chair a squeeze. He then pulls a chocolate bar from his pocket and hands it to you.

“For your patience,” He says with a wink before leaving.

“Nice. Didn’t bring us anything.”

“I am Groot.”

“Yeah, ‘course he likes her.”

“I am Groot.”

“I don’t know - you ask her.” Groot looks at you, gesturing from the closed conference room door to you.

“I am Groot.”

“Yes, I like him too. He’s sneakily sweet.”

“I am Groot.”

“No,” Rocket chuckles. “Quill never stood a chance. She likes Bucky, with the arm.”

“I am Groot.”

“I do not have a problem! Mind your own beeswax!” Your sigh draws Rocket’s attention. “Sorry. Sorry,” He holds up his little hands in a surrender gesture. “I’m on my best behavior.”

“And I thank you for that, Rocket. I really do.”

“Yeah...yeah…” He waves his hand again. “Go ahead with your line of questioning.”

“So kind of you, sir,”

“Can the sarcasm, smartass,” He smiles - or grimaces, you can’t tell at the moment - but you do as he asks (tells). But not before giving him a mock salute and continuing with the questions.

“Describe to me, please, how you two met.”

“This one got himself arrested,” Rocket points to Groot. “I happened, through no fault of my own,”

“Of course,” You murmur in agreement.

“To be in the prison they tossed him in. They couldn’t understand him, so I told ‘em he kept asking what the charges were. They told me to shut up and shoved - well, shoved as hard as they could, but he went willingly - into the cell - wait!” He snaps his fingers. “What’s that word? It’s one of your religious-based words to describe an idiot.”

“I am Groot.”

“I agree with Groot, Rocket. He isn’t an idiot.” Groot nods while Rocket rubs under his chin, ears not as perked up as before as he thinks.

“Putty!” Rocket exclaims finally, grinning at you like he’s proud.

“Putty is a compound. I think you’re looking for the word putz. It’s Yiddish and I’m pretty sure it means dick, not an idiot. Yutz means foolish, I think.”

“I am Groot.”

“Yeah, Quill is a putz sometimes. You’re a yutz.”

“I am Groot.”

“I don’t know Yiddish, how am I supposed to know?” Rocket shifts his attention back to you. “You know more Yiddish words? Groot wants a word for informative.” Frowning, you reach for your phone, quickly typing in Yiddish words.

“I don’t see one a non-Jewish person would know...another word maybe, Groot?”

“I am Groot.”

“Confident,” Rocket supplies as you scroll.

“Chutzpah. Nerve, confidence, brazen, gumption.”

“I am Groot.”

“He said that works. He likes it too.”

“Good, I’ll grab a couple of Yiddish dictionaries and we can learn some words together.”

“I am Groot?” You look from Groot to Rocket.

“He said, even in Space?”

“Yeah! I’ll have to ask Tony for a way to talk to you in space since average people don’t have that tech.”

“I am Groot.”

“Yeah, yeah - don’t worry, kid, I’ll fix you up with something.” He winks after he says it, sharp little teeth showing as he grins, Groot sporting his own toothy (bark-y?) grin at you.

“More questions alright?”

“Go ahead then,” Rocket gives a wave of his furry hand while Groot nods and settles more comfortably in his chair.

And so you do, with glee igniting in your veins once again.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

Drax and Mantis’ joint interview is monitored by Carol, but Drax doesn’t seem to care about who is monitoring him, he just says and does as he pleases. Which includes leaving after he believes his part is done.

“Did you get what you needed?” Carol asks, draped over a black velvet upholstered chair sideways, tapping on her wrist device before pinning you with her intense gaze. You review what he’s answered, tapping the pen against the paper while you purse your lips and go over it again.

“Yeah, I think I have enough. He answered all the big questions...I can just pester him later if I need to. Thank you though.” Carol just nods as Mantis scoots a little closer in her wooden chair, a bright smile on her face.

“You seem much happier today.”

“I’m feeling a little better, thanks.”

“Maybe once you are finished with the hard part of asking us all these questions, it will feel like a weight has been lifted?”

“I’m not sure. This is the biggest project I’ve ever taken on. I think not having a break from the chaos just sort of exacerbates it since I’m usually pretty solitary once I’ve finished interviewing. Just get lost in making it as good as I possibly can. It’s been difficult to do since I have to keep interviewing. I get a break to do a sort of layout, but that’s it. I only managed to get Pepper’s done because it was just...pressing. It just poured out once I finished her interview.”

“Chaos is a good word for it,” Carol comments with a little smile.

“It’s not bad!” You clarify, a bit over eagerly. “I’m just not used to it.”

“None of us are used to it,” Mantis says wisely, hands resting so demurely on her lap as her smile soothes your nerves back down. “We are simply glad to be all together.”

“Without bloodshed,” Carol’s mouth downturns in a sort of comical way. “Mostly without bloodshed.”

“Which I think is appreciated at every family gathering.”

“Yes!” Mantis agrees with enthusiasm.

“Want me to get the murder sisters?”

“Nah. I’ll finish up the interviews tomorrow. That way Pepper can coerce all of you into the group interview Friday and then, um, I’ll leave on Saturday.”

“Now I feel sad,” Mantis’ face falls with her words, reaching out to pat your hand accordingly. Her eyes become more intense as she sifts through your emotions. “We will all miss you too.” You nod numbly, smiling through the tears. That’s when you feel two sets of arms around you.

“I’ll kick Stark’s ass if you aren’t always welcome here. With us,” Carol pauses before squeezing you and Mantis tighter in her grip. “Although we could always take you away to space…”

“You would love space!” Mantis says excitedly, pulling away a little to grin at you.

“Maybe my next vacation should be space. Got any good beaches?”

“We could find you one!”

“Well then, of course, I can’t turn down a vacation in space!”

“Name the time and we’ll try to accommodate,” Carol confirms, laying her cheek against the top of your head.

“No leaving me alone with Quill. Unless you want me to hit him.”

“I say we give the odds to fur face - he’d looooove to see you knock Quill on his ass.” You chuckle, relaxing in their arms. “And I’d love the payout.”

“Carol, sweetie, you won’t be getting a payout. No one is gonna bet on Peter winning. Everyone on the ship can kick his ass.” Drax’s deep laughter booms through the room, drawing all your gazes. He puts another handful of gummy bears in his mouth.

“IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE IT IS TRUE!” He bellows before shoving his hand back into the bag.

“Why’d you come back?” Carol asks over her shoulder.

“Oh, yes. The woman spider says the writer is needed in her quarters.”

“All good things must end,” Mantis says with a happy sigh, all of you pulling away. Carol hands you your laptop and notebook with a bright smile.

“Cheer up, Charlie.”

“Thank you, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory reference.”

“I do what I can,” She says with a lighthearted shrug as you all head for the door of the study that Carol had found a few days ago. You take a deep breath as you walk through the door, mentally girding your loins at whatever Natasha has planned for you.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

Your patching all of today’s interviews together, trying to make it as cohesive as possible - prepping it for your rewrites and tweaks - after the two hour session with Natasha.

She had wrangled you into a massage chair, tugging your shoes off as a woman who looks like someone Pepper negotiates with daily, comes into the room with a giant metal case. She hadn’t given you an option, she had simply painted your fingers and toes in a sparkly midnight blue, with your middle fingers painted metallic gold. Not something you’d choose for yourself but, honestly, you couldn’t remember a time in the last few years where your hands and feet had both felt so soft.

And while the executive-looking woman had worked, so had Natasha.

Natasha makes it seems as if you are just discussing your life, but it’s an interrogation. A pleasant one if any of the other stories you’ve heard about her are anything to go on… She slips in tidbits on Bucky, what Steve’s told her over the years, several of those little stories making your heart clench. Natasha always makes sure to follow those up with more cheerful or funny ones.

You weren’t born yesterday - you know what she’d been doing. Subtly (or not so) talking Bucky up.

Running your hands through your hair, you try to refocus on the words floating on your screen.

You need to sleep.

Three more interviews. Just three more.

Jesus, where did the time go?

After the three interviews tomorrow, Pepper will orchestrate the group interview with your questions and a handful of submitted ones she somehow got. Pepper and Tony’s methods are like the various branches of the military since the 90s - Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

Then you’d be gone. And it wouldn’t matter how wonderful Bucky is...cause he didn’t make a move. And you’re just as lost in your head as he is, second-guessing most everything...so you can’t blame him for not moving forward when you are just as hesitant to get involved in something too good to be true.

There is a soft knock, causing you to pause. Dinner wrapped up almost three hours ago, so you weren’t sure who it could -

Bucky, your mind supplies unhelpfully. You tell that nosy bitch in your head to shut up when lo and behold, in walks Sgt. Barnes himself.

“I couldn’t sleep. Do you, uh, would you like company?” You scrub your hands down your face, save your work and click the laptop closed.

“Yeah, I can’t focus on the screen anymore without going cross-eyed. What did you have in mind?” You lean backward, palms flat and braced on the plush carpet, staring up at the man before you.

And, dear lord, what a man.

You barely stifle a giggle as Whatta Man lyrics start flashing through your thoughts. Bucky qualifies for most of those damn lyrics.

“Whatcha smiling so big for now, doll?”

“I’ll have Wanda explain it to you later.”

“Why can’t you tell me now?”

“Because I don’t want to,” You pout, making him shake his head ruefully.

“Let’s get some sleep, then, since you won’t tell me your secret,” He holds out his hand, lips quirked in a crooked and easy smile. Taking his hand is easy, warm and safe, making you return his smile full force.

You move to the other side of the bed, pulling back the covers and shuffling under, only to be met in the middle with Bucky’s open arms.

“Tell me a secret,” His soft breath moves a few pieces of your hair before his fingers brush them back as you settle in his embrace with a soft sigh.

“My great-grandma’s step-sister was a nurse in WWII and so I grew up cuddling well-worn bears. A Captain America one,” Bucky groans good-naturedly. “A Dum Dum Dugan one. And a Bucky Barnes one too.”

“Not the whole unit?”

“Nah, her kids kept the others. My grandfather was the only boy out the bunch, so he was gifted Captain America’s bear. His sisters got Dum Dum and yours. And since I was the first grandbaby - and was the only one for about seven years - I got all three.”

“I can’t even believe any of those survived the war.”

“You and Steve did - God knows the bears were treated a whole lot better too,” Bucky snorts but tightens his arms around you. “Tell me a secret.”

“I don’t want you to leave the day after tomorrow. I want you to stay.” You pull away enough to look him in the eye, emotion making your throat tighten.

“What would happen if I did?”

“Dinner. Dancing. I could be convinced to throw in a couple of kisses,” You sigh over-dramatically, snuggling back in his arms.

“I don’t really know how to dance.”

“I could teach you.”

“For a couple kisses?”

“Holding you close is more than enough payment, doll.”

“Ah-ha! You say that now but once I’ve stepped on your toes for the tenth time, you might feel different.”

“Even my toes got the super serum. They’ll be fine.”

“Tell me a secret,” You try again.

“You scare me.”

“Bucky, I am the least scary person in this entire compound.”

“That’s what makes you the scariest. You’re the softest, most caring and gentle-hearted person...but feisty. Quiet but strong. All in this pretty and shy little package. All that adds up to a truly dangerous person.” You can hear him swallow, his heart beating quickly in his chest at his confession. “Tell me a secret.”

“I want to stay,” You whisper against his chest, a stray tear escaping from your eye to be quickly absorbed by the pillow.

“Then stay, doll,” Bucky whispers against your hair before he presses a soft kiss atop your head. “Stay with me.”

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

When you wake up, Bucky is gone.

You push down the unease at waking up to an empty bed before dragging your ass out of bed.

The shower is over quickly, blow-drying your hair lightly to help along the drying process before getting ready to plonk down in your customary spot when you pause, your stomach growling loudly.

“Okay then, breakfast before working today…”

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

“I am Groot.”

“No, flowers ain’t gonna help.” Rocket heads into the kitchen after Scott, Groot following behind.

“I am Groot.”

“He’s got a point there.” Bruce and Rhodey stare at Thor. “Oh, right. He said a puppy might work…” Thor nods as he strokes his beard.

“Help what?” You ask, startling the trio as you enter the lab with Valkyrie, Peter, and Vision.

All five of their gazes drop or wander upward to the walls.

Uh-oh.

“What is it?”

“Well, see, uh - we got a call about a small arms deal by the Canadian border,” Rhodey answers, leaning his hip against the table.

“Uh-huh.”

“So, um, Steve, Clint, Tony, Natasha and, um,” Bruce stumbles over his words, looking at Thor then Rhodey.

“Bucky,” You supply as Bruce nods.

“Yes. They all went.”

“They left already?” They all hear the disappointment in your voice.

“I am Groot.” Groot holds out a piece of paper for you, smiling softly down at you.

“Thank you.” You unfold the paper, noticing Bucky’s neat handwriting.

     Babydoll -

           It’s just a quick mission. We’ll be back hopefully by tomorrow afternoon.

           I’m so sorry.

           Just - just promise me you’ll stay until I get back.

           Please?

           Promise I’ll be safe.

           And I’ll owe you [1] good night’s sleep, doll.

            -- Bucky

You fold the letter, tucking it into your pant’s pocket.

“You need a drink!” Valkyrie soothes happily, shooing you from the room with Thor and Rhodey following behind.

“It’s not even 9 am!” Scott shouts, following behind with an eye roll and head shake.

“I am Groot.”

“Yeah. Hey, Bruce, where do we find a puppy around this planet? Is there a shop?”

“First off - I’m not sure about the puppy. Secondly - we do not shop at pet stores. They’re usually from puppy mills. Need to look at reputable places to adopt.”

“Good. Show us those then,” Bruce groans as Rocket jumps onto the table by his laptop.

“Fine.”

“I am Groot.”

“That’s true. He might need a friend to keep him company.”

“Dear lord…” Bruce huffs as he typed in local dog adoption places in New York before his face softens at all the little doggy faces that flash across the screen.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

You’re going to leave. You aren’t going to come back. After this morning, you won’t want anything to do with them. Especially him. Bucky shoves the dark voice back deep down as he glares down at his plate.

“You look real nice in the mornings,” Quill says loudly around a mouthful of waffles, gesturing with his fork at your hair. Bucky bites back a growl, shoving the majority of his omelet into his mouth in one go.

“Thank you,” Your voice has an edge of curtness, but still polite...totally unnoticed by Quill.

“Of course, I’m just bein’ honest,” He continues, smiling widely at you before shooting you a wink, which makes Bucky snap his fork in half. He tosses it in the sink with a huff before grabbing another, fighting the urge to stab Star-Dumbass with the new fork.

“Listen, Peter, I’m not interested. Thank you for the compliments but right now I’m just not in the mood to deal with your whole ‘trying to get laid constantly’ bullshit.” Steve nearly chokes on the piece of sausage he’s eating at your words, T’Challa giving him a hard thump between his shoulders as he tries to hide a smile.

“Every time I think, well, I don’t think I can like her any more than I already do - she makes me. Go on, tell him how you really feel,” Sam’s warm chuckle seems to reassure you, Bucky watching your shoulders relax a little.

“Let’s hurry up everyone - the video photographer will be here within the hour.” Bucky nods at Pepper’s words, shoving his last forkful of eggs in his mouth and grabbing his shitty cup of coffee. Even though it was the fanciest coffee Tony could buy, it was crap compared to the coffee you’d been making him. You’d showed him how to work the machine but he knew it wouldn’t be the same.

He had talked himself out of sneaking into your room late Sunday evening. Of nuzzling an unheard apology against your shoulder before gathering you tightly in his arms, fully prepared to grovel come the morning.

Bucky knew you wouldn’t want him to grovel. When he had mentioned it in his mind, you had nearly punched him. He’d easily had kissed away the flash of anger, happy to soak up the ease he always felt in your presence.

Bucky shakes himself out of his dreams, willing himself not to think of the memory of your bare legs wrapped around his and your warmth as you two were pressed so tightly together.

Now you’re seated on the couch beside Shuri, plate balanced on the tops of your legs as you finish working your way through the huge pancake you have left, and giggling at a picture she’s showing you on her phone with Clint leaning over your shoulder to peer down at it too.

Pepper and Happy had wrangled you into staying an extra two days since the mission ran over, and she still wanted desperately to give you the video interview and glamor shots of all of them for your going away present.

Which Bucky wasn’t going to think about.

“Hey.” Bucky looks startled for a second before he nods at Shuri. “Do you want what’s left? I can’t finish it.” Bucky shakes his head at the question, but nerves kept him from really enjoying his breakfast. He watches as you lean back on your hands, the mauve shirt your wearing riding up just a bit above where your black leggings sat. Teasing him with the tiniest peek of skin.

He commits the image to memory, knowing you’ll be trying to leave on the jet when this interview concludes… He also knows that Tony, Steve, and the others will all convince you to stay for lunch at the very least. He knows you’ll accept - you’re too sweet to deny such a request. His sweet, smartass, torturous babydoll.

“Okay, the stylists are here! Remember to dress nice but not gala event/black tie nice!” Pepper barks as she takes the plate away from Rhodey, shooing him towards the small army of men and women standing just inside the living area as he sighs heavily. Bucky isn’t the only one to notice you slip Rhodey a piece of toast with jam, nodding towards were the trays of mimosas were on the counter with a big smile.

‘I love you, kid,’ Rhodey mouths, grabbing a flute of spiked orange juice and taking a healthy bite of toast as his stylist guides him from the room.

When the gentleman assigned to him came to get him, Bucky silently trailing after him, not noticing the sad, longing gaze you shoot him as you watch him leave.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

Lunch is a lot jollier than they all feel, trying to send you out on a high note.

It’s lighthearted and full of laughter as you all drag out this time as much as possible, making you look around and finally take the time to truly appreciate the expensive wallpaper of this room, the actually silver silverware that glimmered dimly in the natural light - as if it doesn’t want to draw attention to its elevated status.

Your gaze has circled the room innumerable times since sitting down, each time slower than the last, soaking in every minute detail of the group of people around you.

Thirty wonderful beings sit around the long, long table around you - beings who had opened their lives, their pasts, and their homes to you in the past two weeks. They’d given you nicknames, built little inside jokes with you, and (mostly) given you their trust; knowing you aren’t going to use the information given against them.

You’ve caught Bucky’s gaze twice so far with your roaming looks, with each time more heart-wrenching than the last. You have so much you want to say and he seems to be trying to communicate the same to you with those storm blue eyes pouring out every emotion from the last two and a half weeks in their depths.

And you’re trying not to bawl from those drowning blue eyes fastened resolutely to you.

So you keep talking. And nodding along. And laughing...because, if you don’t, you don’t know what you’ll do. Yes, you do, you’ll break. Thanks, inner monologue!

You lean over the arm, showing Peter a TikTok video of a girl howling and her cat mimicking her, Shuri hanging over Peter’s shoulder to watch it before you all let out a little howl as it replays. Gamora is on your left side, Carol beside her, as Gamora whispers something from the interview - making all three of you burst out laughing.

You think about your purse, already settled on the jet, with your messy notebook carefully placed inside...basic stats were long forgotten in all the wonderful personal things you’ve discovered along the way. How Drax has a thing for gummy bears and chocolate pop-tarts. How Nebula tried to shoot Clint’s bow and almost broke it by pulling it back too hard. Pepper keeping chili chocolate bars in her desk drawer for a long day in the office. Peter talking to DUM-E just like Tony does, the three of them lost in stuttered conversations late at night. Rocket napping cuddled up under Groot’s arm in the garden.

“We’ll miss you,” Tony hides behind a tight smile after he draws everyone’s attention with his words. “And I’ve loved the emotion.” You can’t fight back the tears anymore, your lip quivering as you nod, nails digging into your palm to stave off the sobs.

“Big picture,” You affirm with a watery smile.

“Big picture,” Tony agrees as he gives you the most heartbreaking smile. By now, there was no more Iron Man between you...just Tony Stark doing his best by his adopted family.

“Boss, the jet has begun its standby. Ready for Miss Y/N.” The only sounds after that are soft shuffles as everyone seems to shift and tense at the AI’s words, reality settling even more harshly around the room.

“Thank you FRIDAY.” He seems to whisper, but it comes out louder because of the silence the room is ensconced in. “At least we added a few more AFI 100 Greatest titles to your list. Got you some new duds,” Tony stands up and everyone follows suit. “Got you a nifty new hair cut,” You can hear some chuckles behind you as you all head out of the mess hall. “Anything you’d like to let me know before you go, kiddo?”

You nearly run into Rhodey’s back as he stops just inside the hanger, dreading 30 goodbyes.

“Invite Wong and Strange over more often - I know, I know,” You hold up a hand in a stop sign. “Even if they decline. Gamora needs more fruit to tempt Nebula with to be less stabby on long missions and Nebula now, surprisingly, loves those chocolate-covered blueberries, so those as well. Gamora also needs a few more t-shirts since she loved the one I gave her from the store you have a tab at - the black, extra soft t-shirt one? Carol won’t admit it, but she needs to be asked to visit here more too. I know she’s busy, you all are, but asking is sometimes just as important as the actual visiting.”

“FRIDAY and I are making a list, don’t worry. Continue.”

“Steve and Bucky deserve a dog. There are more than enough people to help take care of it - take the stick out a little on the dog matter. Please. Make Clint drink something not caffeinated. And don’t make Natasha be the one to make Clint do it. Add a little salt lick or something out in the clearing for the deer. Don’t let Shuri attempt to hijack Redwing when she leaves, it’ll upset Sam. Make Steve eat a few Oreos. I don’t care how, but I would enjoy the video evidence. Go easier on Peter when needed, he’d trying to do his best and live up to you. T’Challa needs to let loose some too, go hang out in a giant donut together. Okoye needs some Starbucks delivered sometimes - the sweeter, the better. Have family-style dinners more often. Invite everyone, even if they can’t come. And get some fucking sleep, Tony.”

“Is that all?”

“Have Scott do your Christmas lights at the Tower. I’ll come ‘cause I know it’ll be hilarious and beautiful. Let them babysit Morgan more - she’s in the safest hands. Put a damn cover or grate or something over your incinerator pit!”

“Now, see, little miss writer, usually it does, per law. It had been emptied into the fields and hauled off to the vineyard and it hadn’t been put back before dark. Check that one off your mile-long list.”

“Just keep doing what you all are doing. And thank you, thank you all for everything you’ve done.” You fight back tears again, huffing out a deep breath, focusing on Tony before you. “And Bucky and Steve deserve a dog. Oh, and tell DUM-E I’ll write to him.”

“Noted,” Tony snorts at the DUM-E comment before grumbling, reaching forward to pull you quickly and tightly against his chest. “See you later, sweetness. You’re welcome here anytime.”

Pepper steps in when Tony steps away, inhaling a shaky breath as you wrap your arms around the red-head.

Wanda is next, kissing one cheek and then another before hugging you tighter than you were hugging her.

“Mici sărutări pentru tine în această după-amiază.”

“Little kisses to you too, Y/N. Take care.”

T’Challa wraps his arms around your shoulders, squeezing you gently before Shuri throws her arms around you as well.

“Say hi to Nakia and your mother for me, please.”

“Of course,” T’Challa agrees immediately before stepping away to reveal Sam, holding up a crisp $20 bill.

“You were right…” Sam grins out as you pocket the money before wrapping your arms around his neck and tugging him to you.

“I usually am,” You reply with some cockiness, pulling away slightly before you feel his lips against your cheek.

“Stay outta trouble.”

“I was just about to say that to you!” You chuckle out before you feel Peter’s tight embrace nearly smothering you. But, you know, in a good way. “I’ll miss you too, Peter. Next time I’m here we need to go have one of those Spider-Man ice creams.”

“And I can introduce you to Aunt May.” He pulls away with a bright smile, making you cup his face.

“I’d love that, Peter.”

Scott steps up next. “Ya know, in prison, we got hit by the biggest, meanest guy as a goodbye. All in good spirits, of course.”

“Of course,” You agree with a serious nod. “But don’t worry, I think the girls like me too much to hit me.”

“Oooh. I see how it is. Praise my lighting skills and - well, I mean, you aren’t wrong.” A wiggle of your eyebrows makes him shake his head before hugging you tightly, giving your back a few hard pats before squeezing you.

“I just told Sam that.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” He mutters before he delivers another squeeze, backing out of the way for Gamora.

“I know a couple of beaches...you finish up with these articles and barring anything stupid from that one,” She gestures her head to Quill who shoots you two an unconvincing ‘Who Me?’ look, rolling her eyes before continuing. “We’ll come kidnap you for a break.”

“Sounds good to me. I’ll bring some fruit and some junk food.”

“Deal!” Drax bellows out behind Gamora, picking you up from the ground as he squeezes you before promptly putting you down. “Goodbye, author.”

“Goodbye, destroyer,” You boop his nose before Steve clears his throat behind him.

“Don’t be a stranger, beautiful.” You feel small in his embrace, digging your nails into his shoulders to bury your face against his chest, letting a couple of tears fall against his dark blue shirt before he kisses the top of your head and let’s go.

Wong is next, giving you a brief hug before stepping back and giving you a small bow, which you return with a smile.

Clint pops up, gathering your hands in his.

“Our time together has been so special to me,” You roll your eyes playfully. “Thank you for not being one of those rabid journalists and for always thinking of me in black thong.”

“It’s an image I will always treasure, Clint. And I’ve tried to be as unrabid as possible for you.”

“Marry me already.”

“Pencil me in.”

“Will do, calendar girl,” He concludes with a wink, handing you off to Hope, who runs a hand over your hair before sliding her hand down your arm and pulls you into a tight embrace. She doesn’t say anything - much like Pepper - just holds you in her arms.

Rhodey is next, kissing your forehead before tucking you into a hug.

“Thanks for everything. I’ll let the Roomba know you think of him too,” You sputter out a laugh, slightly muffled against his shoulder.

“I’ll think of him often. Maybe you if I have the time.”

“That’s appreciated, you little shit.”

“Thanks, Colonel. I try.” Rhodey scoffs, gently pushing you towards Quill with a stern look shot at the outlaw.

“I wish we’d had more time together,” Quill begins, his face soft and open, as he shakes your hand. “I see now you just wanted to get to know me. Un-romantically.”

“What tipped you off?” He moves forward for a quick hug.

“I love a smart-ass though.”

“If your hand so much as moves a millimeter down Quill…”

“Several people would attempt to break my hand.”

“Starting with me,” You chuckle as he squeezes your right shoulder, dropping it with a small grin to move aside for Vision.

“I shall miss you and all your questions.”

“I’ll email you some, just so you don’t get too sad.”

“I would like that.”

“Take care, Vision.”

“You too.” Happy is next, straightening his suit jacket as he steps forward, a soft smile breaking on his face just for you.

“Kid, you’ve been interesting.”

“I’m glad you’ve had time to come to terms with my boring nature, Hap.”

“Next time you’re here, I’ll buy you a churro,” You sniffle lightly against his jacket as he hugs you.

“Take care of them,” You beg, unashamed.

“Always.”

Bruce is fidgeting with something in his hand before presenting it, a little black box.

“Open it.” He gestures to the box, Rocket standing beside him with his arms crossed. Nestled in the box is a half glass sphere with a silver base, about the size of your palm as you cradle it in your hand.

“I am Groot.”

“Yeah, we used the piece DUM-E gave to you to help build it.”

“And this is for our language lessons and my interrogations?”

“I am Groot.”

“I love it! Thank you all so much.” You carefully hold it out for Rocket, who flips it upside down and shows you what to push.

“Red means we aren’t on the ship. Black means we’re busy, ya know, being Guardians or stealing,”

“Rocket!” Gamora hisses, frowning at him.

“And blue,” Rocket continues, completely unperturbed. “Means you’re good to pester us.” You kneel in front of Rocket.

“Bring it in, you yutz.” He rolls his eyes but complies, patting your sides in return.

“I am Groot!” He says loudly as he wraps his arms around the two of you, cradling you both against his chest.

“I am Groot,” You repeat, making Rocket chuckle.

‘That was completely correct, kid. Good job.” Groot set you down, Rocket climbing up onto his shoulder as Groot gives you a little pink flower and a smile.

“Thank you, Bruce,” You lean forward and kiss his cheek before his arms wrap around you.

“Don’t be a stranger. You can call us with that too. The yellow color will connect you to the lab - whichever one we’re in,” Bruce hugging you lightly then nodding.

“Okay,” You manage, fighting back another wave of tears.

“Goodbye, little writer,” Strange gives you a tight smile before he gives a quick hug, moving to make room for Mantis.

“I will make sure to call you. To make sure you take a break from the rest of the writing,” She beams at you before you two embrace. She steps away and Nebula is behind her, holding out her hand. As you give it a firm shake, she yanks you forward for a stiff hug and a rough pat on the back.

“I will tell the fox to send your calls to me about the fruit,” You hold up a finger with a bright smile, withdrawing a small bag of chocolate-covered blueberries.

“For you,” You lean in, “I also put some chocolate-covered espresso beans and dried mango slices in that compartment you showed me on the ship by Gamora’s room.” Her serious gaze shifts from your face to the blueberries and then gives a sharp nod at your whispered words.

“As you should,” She jokes, face so serious if you hadn’t spent most of two days with her, you might have missed it - which just makes you smile all the wider.

Okoye hugs you after Nebula moves out of the way, bag tucked securely in her grip as Drax and Rocket peer down at her goodies.

“Remember me and Olenna.”

“Wakandan sunsets are on my bucket list now.”

“And you will see it. Uxolo lube nawe, sihlobo.” [Peace be with you, friend.]

“Did you just call me a friend? Cause that’s the only word I semi-recognized…” She presses her forehead against yours.

“Yes, friend. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Okoye. Yomelela ngonaphakade.” [Strong forever.] She pulls away with a chuckle. “Hey - I tried! Was it wrong?”

“No,” Shuri says from behind you, “It was good.”

“Princess approved!” You laugh out as Okoye hugs you tightly.

Carol is next, her arms spread wide for you to walk into. “Cheer up, Charlie.”

“Give me a smile.”

“Let that sunshine show!” Carol skips a few lines as her thumbs come up to wipe away the few tears that have managed to slip out unbidden. But you do as she asks and smile through it all.

“Stop making her cry!” Natasha admonishes, tapping on Carol’s shoulders to cut in. She raises an eyebrow before pulling you close. “I’m gonna miss you,” She says this part loud enough for everyone to hear, leaning in closer to whisper the next part - so low even the super-soldiers wouldn’t be able to hear. You hoped. “You and Barnes are gonna be the cutest couple. Name your firstborn after me.”

“I already promised Valkyrie that honor,” You whisper back, watching her pull away and only catching the end of her eye roll.

“You’re always welcome here for interrogation and nail painting.”

“My feet are still so soft - it’s amazing!” Natasha shrugs.

“I know.” Natasha tucks a piece of hair behind your ear and goes behind you to join the others.

“My little rose,” Thor begins, his hug tight and bear-like, lifting you from the ground. “I am sad to see you go. Sad that we did not get to know each other better.” You shake your head at the drop in his tone.

“I guess Brunhilde mentioned her offer to you.”

“Oh, yes,” He confirms with a wide-cheeked grin.

“Both of you are little shits.”

“Oh, yes,” He agrees, the smile never leaving his handsome face, blue eyes full of mirth. You brace your hands on his forearms, kissing his bearded cheek.

“I’m going to miss you, warrior Pikachu of Point Break.” He groans before hugging you again, this one leaving your feet planted on the floor.

“My turn!” Valkyrie shoos Thor, kissing one cheek and then the other before cupping your face in her hands. “My offer stands,” And she fucking winks at you before brushing her lips gently over yours. Your fingers brush over your lips afterward, looking at her with eyes as big as saucers. Her laughter echoes in your ears as she hugs you, her grip is tight around you but comforting.

“You are the weirdest juxtaposition...but I’ll keep your offer in mind. Far in the back of my mind, but there.”

“Good! Come visit New Asgard, I’ll give you a grand tour.”

“Okay, okay - calm down, sister!” Tony shouts as Valkyrie winks again, leaving Bucky standing before you. Of course, he had to be the last…

“I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep the same without you, doll.”

“Ditto, Sarge. No sugar cubes?” He rubs the back of his neck before dropping his hand, biting his bottom lip.

“Nah, you’re sweet enough,” You move forward, nearly closing the space between the two of you.

“My soft, handsome, thoughtful, smart dumbass…” Bucky closes the rest of the space between you, metal fingers sliding around to the back of your neck.

“I’m gonna miss you so damn much, babydoll,” He whispers against your lips, his flesh hand cupping your cheek. His lips press oh so innocently against yours, a tightness in your chest as you sink your fingers into his hair and press his lips closer, feeling his smile at the action. When he pulls away, he links his flesh fingers with yours and throws the vibranium one around your shoulder. Pulling you as close as possible, he kisses your forehead and then the top of your head when you drop your forehead against his shoulder. “Safe travels.” He whispers before stepping away with a nod, hearing your sniffles as you hurriedly climb aboard the jet.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

2 WEEKS LATER

“What do you mean the Avengers jet is here for me?” You ask the person on the phone for what seems like the nineteenth time but is probably only the third. “I just don’t understand...aren’t they in Siberia or something?” Amelina looks at you quizzically as she comes into the tiny office space you share with two giant cups of iced coffee, slipping into your desk chair as she listens in. Nosy.

“No - I understand what you’re saying, I just don’t understand why? It’s been two weeks, we’ve only posted one interview after I left. Carol’s will be posted tonight at 7 pm EST… I just-just don’t understand WHY?” You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Yes, I can be ready within the hour. Thank you.”

“Oooh - they want you back so soon! Well, I bet a certain blue-eyed soldier at least…”

“Yeah. Whatever. He hasn’t texted, called, emailed, hologrammed, carrier pigeon-ed...nada. The whole thing between us is the equivalent of Sandy and Danny at the beach. Summer lovin’. And now it’s fall.” You take the lighter colored ice coffee with the caramel drizzle, taking a hearty sip as you rest your rear against your desk edge. “And now I gotta go pack for whatever the heck this is. Jesus... I swear I cried the whole way home.”

“And the day after. And while you were proof-reading Thor’s interview before posting it.” Amelina ticks her fingers off as she goes. Ass. “While we were going over Carol’s. When someone sent an email about Pepper’s. When you were picking out pictures to go along with the stories...I don’t see how you have any tears left at all. You’re just so damn sensitive.”

“I can’t believe you’re still so blase about my anguish. What a friend you are!”

Amelina tosses her long black hair over her shoulder with an eye roll. “Listen,” She peers down at her watch. “You’ve got forty-five minutes left to get ready!” The traitor sing-songs with a bright smile.

You return her bright smile.

“Guess that means you’re holding down the fort again! All by your lonesome!” You chuckle before wrapping your lips around the straw once more, bending over to pick up your purse from under your desk. “Hasta la vista!”

“You’re a little shit, do you know that?!”

“It’s been mentioned!” You call over your shoulder, heels clicking down the hall with your thoughts running a million miles at the possibilities of what this means.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

When the jet lands at the compound, Bucky is a ball of nerves.

He’s been carefully planning since you left and it’s taken this long to muster up the damn courage to execute it.

The compound was mostly empty - operating with a skeleton crew - so Bucky didn’t feel as foolish standing in the hanger bay for the last couple hours letting his nerves suffocate him.

And when you step off the jet, it takes his breath away. God, you’re gorgeous.

He waits until you’re halfway across the hanger before stepping from his spot, smiling through the butterflies and moths fluttering chaotically in his belly. “Hey, doll.” Dear God, your eyes widening and the little gasp that accompanies it made his chest tighten.

“Your hair, Bucky! I love it!” Bucky runs his vibranium fingers through his newly shorn locks, neck and cheeks flushing under your scrutiny. “Is this - is this your calendar outfit?” He watched you take in his outfit. “God, you look even better than I imagined!”

“Th-thank you, gorgeous.” Bucky gestures you towards the door, following a little too closely behind.

“How far do I go?”

“All the way to the living room, please.”

“Oh, Bucky.” You were born to break him, he was sure of it. How you said his name - fuck, he was a goner. Bucky moves so his chest is nearly brushing against your back, inhaling the scent of your perfume like he’d been itching for it.

“I owe you a couple of dates. Some dancing. And a few good night’s sleep.”

“Is this how you treat all the girls you like? Show them some woodland creatures, make them cookies, reel them in with those big blue eyes, toss them to what you hope is safety, run off to go keep civilians safe, and then make a romantic dinner with all the trappings?”

“No. Most women will look at me but once they recognize who I am, they aren’t very interested anymore. And we both know - you aren’t most women. Plus I’m not interested in picking up any other women. Just my babydoll.” You turn to face him with those kissable lips pursed slightly.

“You know, Sergeant, speaking of picking up - I think I should pick you up and toss you into the trash bin, just to be fair.” You’re grinning when you say it, which lightens all the flutters currently in his belly and makes him automatically smile back.

“I don’t think you could pick me up, doll,” He chuckles out, gesturing towards the plush red upholstered chair closest to you both while he lets you lead.

“You don’t think I can pick you up?” Her eyebrow arch high as he shakes his head ‘no’ as he pulls out the chair and waits for you to sit before taking his own across the little wooden table. “Is that a dead rabbit in your mouth? ‘Cause you’re a fox.” His forehead furrows as he pours you both some wine.

“What - what are you doing?” He chuckles out, his eyes watching yours dance with mirth.

“Obviously I’m trying to pick you up, Sergeant,” You fucking wink at him when you finish saying that before leaning a little towards him, reaching for the wine glass. “Do you need more convincing?”

“Bring it, beautiful.”

“Was your dad a boxer? Because, baby, you’re a knockout.” Bucky’s heart stutters when she calls him baby, especially the way you say it, with your eyes twinkling but there is a hint of uncertainty there...one he needs to chase away.

“Can I follow you home? My ma told me to follow my dreams,” Bucky purrs out, watching her smile widen before her head tilts just so.

“Bucky - what is this?”

“Well, so far I got dating, dancing, sleeping...Hell - I’ll throw in some kisses too.” Bucky reaches across the small table, flesh palm face-up, anxiety riddling his thoughts now. “I wanna date you. I wanna cook with you. I want you to be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see in the morning. I want to hear you singing and watch you stick your tongue out when you concentrate on finding the right word or the right angle for your pictures. I’ll even pretend you don’t have ice cold feet in bed.” Your fingers tangling with his is pure magic even Dr. Strange couldn’t conjure.

“Well, are you going to come over here and kiss me or leave me hanging?”

Bucky nearly topples the chair he was just sitting in, in his haste to get around the table. His metal fingers feel cool against the warmth of your skin, his thumb stroking along your jawline as he leans in slowly, gently bumping his nose against yours before pressing his lips against yours softly. So softly. When you press against his lips a little more firmly, he takes it to mean more. So he gives it to you - his tongue gently pressing it against the seam of your lips, the both of you giving a little sigh as you open for him. God, you taste amazing. His other hand cups the back of your head, leaving you nowhere to go while he plunders your sweet mouth. Not that either of you has plans to go anywhere now. He can taste the tang of the wine and something he bets is distinctly you as your tongues meet, a soft groan escaping him at the reality that hits him just then. You’re his girl now. You press a hand gently to his chest and he reluctantly pulls away but rests his forehead against yours since he can’t bear not to be touching you right now.

“Stay with me,” Bucky whispers, barely pulling his face away from yours.

“You’re pretty good at convincing.”

“I made cookies.” He offers with a smirk.

“You think I am so easy?”

“I’m that easy for you.”

“Well, then...that’s perfectly okay. Sold, Mr. Barnes.”

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

Tagging: @jewelofwinter @sgtjbuccky @jaamesbbarnes @thewhiterabbit42 @nobodys-baby-now @unleashthemidnight @stay-frosty-royal-unicorn @chelsea072498 @clockworkmorningglory @sakurablossom4 @marichromatic @blondecoffeecake @ourloveisforthelovely @whinywingedwinchester @feelmyroarrrr @rowdyhooliganism @everythingisoverrated @iloveyouthreethousand-o6 @puddinsqueen @emotionallysalty @maraudingmarauder @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @strangersstranger @thefridgeismybestie @transcendent-heroes @jotink78

A/N: Found the pic online and edited it, props to Google and all rights/privileges/ownership goes to who took the photo and to Marvel who made up all these characters.

===== THE END! THANKS FOR READING MY FIRST LITTLE SERIES!! =====

[choupichoups]

Press F (Instagram/College AU) Ch.7

Lucas swears he’s the absolute master of undetected stalking. Or: Eliott is instagram famous and Lucas is the disaster gay who accidentally likes his post.

He looks tired, is what Lucas first thinks, watching Eliott’s story over and over. He’s memorized Eliott’s words by now, talking about the new project he’s working on with Idris, explaining why he’s been missing for four days. It feels good to see him again, especially when Eliott had gone radio silent after their early morning conversation on Wednesday. But maybe it’d be better if Eliott just takes a nap for the day.

lucallemant Are you ok? 

srodulv Yes, why?

lucallemant  Did you get some sleep?

srodulv Is my little hedgehog worried about me? 

lucallemant Yeah

srodulv Fuck  Ok, yes, I’m a bit tired from staying up so much but I’m really ok Please don’t cancel our date

lucallemant What date

srodulv :( I made plans and everything

Lucas melts at that, fingers hovering over the phone screen. How dare Eliott be so cute? Lucas is out here just trying to look out for his well-being but he’s quickly learning that saying no to Eliott is an impossible feat. He’s made plans and everything.

lucallemant Well I guess if there’s already a plan… Okay :) I’ll see you later

srodulv Can’t wait

When Lucas gets out of class, Eliott’s waiting for him outside, just like he said he would be. He’s sitting on the ground by the walls, sipping on an iced coffee with one hand free to doodle all over the notebook on his lap. Lucas takes a moment to just look at him. 

Other people are looking too, probably wondering what Eliott’s doing sitting on the floor at the science faculty. 

“Hey,” he says once he’s covered the distance between them. Eliott looks up, signature grin on the ready. “Did you wait long?” 

Eliott makes a vague noise, waving his drink around. “Oh!” He picks up the cup from his other side, handing Lucas another one of his overpriced guilty pleasure hot chocolate. “For you.”

“Thank you,” Lucas says, begging his brain to come up with something else to say. The last thing he wants to do is enter some kind of speechless stupor now that he's got Eliott in front of him. “How did you know about this?”

“About what?” Eliott gets up, dusting his pants off as he picks up his discarded backpack. 

“Hot chocolate.” 

“Ah,” he trails off, eyes shifting from Lucas and down to the drink in his hand. “I have my own sources.” 

“You’re really coming for my stalker title, are you?”

“Nah, you still have it, Mr. I watch every instagram story of yours.” 

Lucas rolls his eyes, jogging a little to keep up with Eliott’s fast pace. “If I posted those as much as you did, you'd be watching mine too.” 

Eliott laughs, slowing his steps considerably. “Confident, are we?”

“Very.” Lucas takes a careful sip of his drink-- it’s pleasantly warm but no longer hot. Eliott’s been sitting there for a while then. “Where are you taking me, stalker?” 

The sun forms a golden glow around Eliott’s tousled hair, highlighting a mirage of colours in the strands. Lucas just manages to suppress a smitten sigh when Eliott smiles down at him-- he really hated that one poetry elective he’d taken in high school but he’d have no problem writing sonnets about Eliott if you ask him to. 

“Dinner and a movie.”

“Dinner and a movie?”

“Yes, a classic.” 

“When you said dinner and a movie, I thought the movie part would be fancier.” Lucas walks around the living room, absently prodding at the many books displayed on the shelves. 

“Why fancy?”

“Aren’t you supposed to impress me?”

“You’re already impressed.”

Lucas laughs, turning around to join Eliott by the television because, of course, he wants to watch something out of his film collection rather than pick out a movie from Netflix like every other normal person. “Confident, are we?” 

“I’ve got you in my place right now, don’t I?” Eliott says, smile crooked and unfairly attractive in the dim light. Lucas doesn’t have anything to say to that. 

“Okay, well.” He chuckles under his breath-- he really should be used to Eliott by now so why is he still so goddamn nervous? “What kind of movies do you like?” 

“Romance.”

“Romance,” Lucas repeats, raising an eyebrow. How very fitting of Eliott to have romance as his favourite genre. “Really?” He browses through the pile on the floor and randomly picks out the first thing that catches his eye. “Oh my god.”

“What?”

“Don’t tell me The Notebook is your favourite film of all time.” Lucas holds the case up, laughter gaining volume when Eliott takes a little too long to reply. “Fuck!”

“It is not.” 

“I don’t believe you.”

“It’s not!” Eliott snatches it off his hands. “The rain scene is iconic and Ryan Gosling was phenomenal in it, but it’s not.”

“So you’re a Ryan Gosling fan.”

“You know, I’m starting to think you’re judging me.” Eliott tucks The Notebook out of sight, searching vigorously through his DVD collection like he knows what he wants to watch now. 

Lucas puts his hands up, smiling. “Tell me more.” 

“He’s got good movies, okay?”

“Sure.”

“Ever seen La La Land?” 

“No.” Lucas watches him fondly, taking advantage of the fact that Eliott’s too busy with his rummaging to catch Lucas’ lovestruck gaze.

“You’re killing me. Seen Crazy, Stupid, Love?” 

“No.”

“Fuck. Yeah, we’re watching that.” Eliott grabs the title out of his pile before urging Lucas to sit on the couch while he sets up. Lucas sinks down into the cushions, utterly endeared by how excited Eliott seems at the prospect of watching this lame romcom (which he’s probably already seen multiple times) with Lucas. “Get ready to change your mind about romance films.”

“I have nothing against them.”

“Uh huh.”

“I’m just more of a super hero movie kind of person.”

“Of course you are.” Eliott laughs, sitting close to Lucas despite the gigantic space he’d left, having squished himself comfortably against one end of the couch. 

And okay, the movie’s maybe a little funny. It doesn’t bore him like he’s initially expected-- though that may be due to Eliott whispering a running commentary close to his ears, forcing Lucas to stay focused at all times so that he doesn’t do anything stupid. Like cuddle up into Eliott’s shoulder or something. 

They get to the scene where Hannah dramatically rushes out into the night to find Jacob in the bar. “Does he always have a rain scene in all his films or what?” He whispers after a moment, watching a startled Jacob lift a soaking wet Hannah in his arms while they kiss. 

“It’s technically not in the rain.”

“Same thing, though. They keep using the same trope.” 

“True.” Eliott shrugs. “It’s all about the romantic ambiance. The sky pouring down, this special person in your arms, you can have that moment over and over and it doesn’t get old. Oh, and Ryan Gosling looks perfect for kissing in the rain.”

Lucas leans his head against the back of the couch, eyes scrunching shut as he laughs. “Bullshit. What does that even mean?” 

“What, you don’t see it?” Eliott’s laughing as well, pointing at the screen. “You know who else looks perfect for kissing in the rain?”

His heart thuds a warning in his chest, Lucas ignores it. “Who?” 

“Me,” Eliott whispers, lifting his eyebrows in a quick movement. “I want my Ryan Gosling moment, Lucas.”

Lucas snorts, backing further into the cushions behind him and hugging one of the pillows close to his chest. “Watch the movie.” 

Eliott’s smiling as he retreats, returning his eyes to the screen. 

At the halfway point, Eliott’s commentary gradually slows to a still and Lucas assumes that Eliott must have gotten too sucked into the movie.

But then he feels a weight landing on his shoulder and he has to consciously keep his body still, fighting against the instinct to flinch. He doesn’t want Eliott to startle awake, feeling a bit giddy and proud of himself even though he has nothing to do with the fact that Eliott falls asleep without any prompting on Lucas’ end. 

He keeps his eyes set on the movie, still as can be, breathing somewhat uneven despite his best efforts. The movie reaches the end credits soon enough but Lucas stays put-- the remote is on the coffee table, impossible to reach without dislodging Eliott from his shoulder. 

Ever so carefully, Lucas turns his head and smiles down at the sight. Eliott looks like an angel like this-- not that he doesn’t look like one at any point in time but the whole angelic thing he has going on is highlighted with his eyes closed and his features lax in sleep. 

Lucas gently rests his cheek against the unruly nest of hair beside him, shimmying into a more comfortable position before letting the silence lull him into rest. Just half an hour, he thinks. A little bit of a nap never hurt anyone.

He wakes up comfortably warm, the kind of warmth you only achieve once in a blue moon, when you hit the jackpot with a perfect blanket burrito that’s somehow more superior than the mediocre blanket burritos from every other night. Lucas snuggles deeper into it, sighing in approval when the arms around him tighten in response.

Wait.

Blinking awake, Lucas blearily pushes off from the embrace, one hand anchored on the chest he’s just been sleeping on while the other tries its best to rub the sleep out of his eyes. 

“Stop doing that,” Eliott admonishes, voice soft. Lucas thinks there’s something playing on the television screen but the sound has been muted. 

“What?” Lucas asks, confused. 

Eliott’s fingers encircle his wrist and bring it down from where he’s still got it over his eyes. “Stop looking so cute, I’m too tired to control myself.”

And he’s too sleepy to deal with Eliott’s flirting. Lucas thunks his head right in the middle of Eliott’s chest, earning a surprised oof that would’ve made him laugh if he didn’t feel so damn groggy. 

“What time is it?” His voice is muffled into Eliott’s sweater but luckily, he doesn’t have to repeat himself. 

“21h.”

Lucas groans. He has to go home now. 

“I’ll take you home,” Eliott says, somehow reading his mind. 

“It’s okay, I can go back by myse--”

“I’ll take you home,” Eliott repeats firmly, shifting from under Lucas so they can both get ready to leave. 

They take turns refreshing themselves in the bathroom, both a lot more awake now, especially when a cold blast of wind hits them right when they get outside. It’s drizzling by the time Lucas points out his building, arguing that he could have gone home by himself so Eliott could have stayed home and continued with his sleep. 

Eliott shakes his head, grinning down at him. “You don’t get it, do you?”

“What?”

“You could live an hour away, and I’d still walk you home.” 

Lucas swallows, not asking why. He thinks he knows the answer but he’s afraid of what it’ll do to his poor little heart if Eliott confirms it with that unapologetic honesty he has. 

Eliott takes him all the way to his apartment door where they stand facing each other, neither wanting to be the first to leave. 

“I guess this is where we say goodnight,” Eliott says, eyes crinkling with his smile. “Did you have fun?”

“The movie could have been better,” he teases, smiling when Eliott places a hand on his chest, mouth opening as if offended. 

“Honestly, Lucas. When will you stop hurting me?”

Lucas smiles, holding back a laugh. His neighbours might already be sleeping. “Sorry.”

“Are you really?”

“Yes.”

“Prove it.” 

“I apologize sincerely,” he says, quoting his own words from Saturday. He tries not to think of what happened after he’d said those exact words last time and fails miserably. “Do you want to... uh...” He jerks his head in the general direction behind him, fiddling with the doorknob. 

Eliott huffs out a laugh. “No, it’s okay. I actually have an essay I gotta finish.” 

“Oh, okay.” Lucas hopes he doesn’t sound as disappointed as he feels. They literally just spent hours together at Eliott’s place. “Um, goodnight then.”

Eliott stops him from going inside and Lucas holds his breath as the other boy lifts a hand, fingers softly brushing away the strands of hair near Lucas’ eye. 

“Goodnight, Lucas.” He walks backwards, keeping his gaze on Lucas until he has to turn the corner for the elevators. 

Lucas doesn’t move for a while, listening for the echoing ring of the elevator opening and closing before shaking himself out of his daze. 

He steps inside his apartment, shutting the door with a soft click. It’s dark and quiet inside, meaning Yann still hasn’t come back from wherever he is. Lucas heaves out a sigh, leaning heavily against the door as he wills his heart to slow down. It’s been a little overdramatic for the whole day, being around Eliott and all— dramatic enough to have him worrying whether he’s about to experience a heart attack for every increase in its beating. 

The tree branches outside knock against the glass of their windows and Lucas draws closer to check on the weather. It’s pouring by now, prompting him to run around the room looking for the one umbrella he knows he and Yann have hidden somewhere.

“Fuck,” he mutters to himself, running back to the window to see if Eliott’s already made it outside. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He goes to his bedroom which he knows, for a fact, hides no elusive umbrella. He stands there in the middle, staring at the wall, breathing heavily. 

This is stupid. What is he doing? He doesn’t actually want the fucking umbrella. There’s something else he wants, he needs to do, like an itch under his skin, getting harder and harder to ignore. 

With renewed adrenaline stemming from out of nowhere, Lucas runs back out of the apartment, hopping down the stairs two at a time as he knows that the elevator takes way too long to come to his floor. 

Eliott’s barely crossed the street when Lucas spots him, shoulders hunched against the cold and hood up to cover against the rain. 

“Eliott!” Lucas calls out, shoes splashing against the wet pavement as he runs. “Eliott, wait!”

Eliott turns, looking genuinely surprised to see Lucas.  

“What are you doing?” Eliott asks once Lucas’s in hearing range, voice slightly raised to be heard over the pouring rain. 

Lucas shakes his head, hands trembling, looking up at Eliott despite the rain trying its damndest to pelt him into blindness. He squints against it, hoping for his shivers to go unnoticed. “I— I’m—”

“What?” Eliott steps closer, moving so he towers over Lucas enough to shield him from the outpour.

And fuck him. Fuck this boy for treating him so wonderfully. Effortless, like Lucas is his to take care of. “I’m apologizing.” 

He grabs the sides of Eliott’s hood and drags him down for a kiss. 

The press of their lips is no fireworks, no time standing still solely for the two of them-- no, it’s nothing like in the movies. It’s an inhale after submerging, an exhale after the first breath— freeing and vital. Only natural. 

Eliott’s hands come up to cup the back of his head, keeping him still as if afraid Lucas would pull away any time soon which, yeah, fat chance of that happening. His own hands slide down, gripping the soaked material of Eliott’s jacket, bringing him down, pulling him closer, more.

He feels those warm hands shift down, arms circling his waist in a tight grip before Eliott straightens up until he’s no longer bent over for the kiss. Lucas feels his feet leave the ground, but he doesn’t even care, opting to bury his hands inside the mess of Eliott’s hair, comfortably accessible from his elevated position. 

Lucas doesn’t make the connection until a while later, when Eliott’s just started to bite at Lucas’ lips, tongue a teasing presence in between, asking for permission that Lucas would have easily allowed if only he didn’t start laughing right at the same moment. 

Eliott groans, actually whining out an offended, “Lucas.”

“I’m sorry.” Lucas laughs, rearranging his arms to wrap around Eliott’s neck so he can squeeze him in a tight hug as he muffles his laughter into his own shoulder. “Sorry, sorry. It’s just… are you enjoying your Ryan Gosling moment?” He barely finishes his sentence before dissolving into wild laughter. 

He feels more than hears Eliott’s answering chuckles. “Stop making fun of my moment. It’s awesome.” 

“Sorry,” Lucas says again, still snickering even as their eyes meet for the first time since Lucas pulled him into the kiss. Stupidly enough, the eye contact flusters him more than anything and he breaks it, looking to the side as his fingers carefully trace the sides of Eliott’s face. “Stay with me tonight?” He asks, dropping his head a little so that their foreheads touch. 

Eliott only takes a second to respond, “Yeah.” Voice like a breath knocked out of his lungs. “Yeah, fuck that essay. I’m not going anywhere,” he says in a rush, angling up to catch Lucas’ lips in another searing kiss. 

Lucas smiles into it, lips parting to continue where they’d left off. 

[edge-lorde]

hp update: its been a long time, boys. ud think that with this plague outbreak id have more time for shitty phone games, and ud be right! however, the time i normally might use to make tumblr posts has been taken up by reading lotr orc fanfiction non-stop for at least 1 full month. id still be in the thick of that obsession even now if only the fics would update. that is how i find you today folks, for the first time in many weeks i am staring at a screen with nothing to do. so come with me friends, theres no better way to fill the soulless void we are all in than reading a nice long tumbler post. 

disclaimer, first of all, a lot has happened, i prefer to keep these updates as plot spoiler free as possible but do to extenuating circumstances i feel like it is necessary to say, [SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER BELOW]

that rowan fucking died,

i wont say exactly how, but i will say that her death was animated as were animations of myself and a few others reacting to our friend fresh corpse. obviously meant to be serious moments but the animations made it seem almost comical. 

i saw at least one post going around right after this update that was like ‘how could the game devs do this to us..... how could they hate rowan so.... this is punishment from on high’ and its like.... u guys do know what a story is right? the events of  a story are not typically done to punish less faithful fans, im pretty sure they were planning to kill rowan off from the beginning. this isnt disney im pretty sure the writers are not writing each chapter the night before its released by popular vote. 

that little “are we drifting away..?” scene with rowan makes more sense now. there was a bit in one of the scenes where the kids all reminisce on rowans life and the mc talks about it being the last real one on one time they had with rowan. a nice bitter sweet moment. i dont hate this turn of events. its a good reminder that actions have consequences and we are way past they days of “should i wear a hat or scarf?” its YA time now. 

i did manage to take 1 screenshot from this time, i had commented that before that when rowan said she didnt have many friedns that barnaby seemed to be hanging out with her without be there as a friend buffer and here was his reaction to her death:

;_;

the funniest part in all of this however, was of course cedericks reaction to rowans death “but she was so young....” LOL fuckin RIP.

lets see... what else.... i forget a lot of what happened but i think there was a time sensitive quidditch event in there somewhere? if so i  dont remember it. what i do remember of the quidditch pals is that im gonna play beater now, skye is being weird and cagey about it, andre is involved.... the others are there.....

sidenote, i love the shitty b characters they throw in to be like yes you know this person but no they are not cool enough for u to even think about befriending. the first one of those is face paint kid, and now we have another, who is a former beater girl with horrible bangs named bean who didnt go to any classes for a whole season so she could just play ball 24/7 and got kicked off the team.  this is a character who only exists to provide an explanation as to why there would be a beater position open but i love them on principle. 

right now im in the midst of another time sensitive event, this one is a bother-your-brother-at-work-day event where recent hogwarts graduate bill weasley is bullied by myself and his younger brother charlie into letting us go with him on one of his curse breaking jobs. 

so for those unfamiliar, bill works for the magical bank of england.... and his job seems to be “retrieving treasure” for said bank. in the books, there is a bit where he takes his family on one of his trips to egypt, where his job seemed to have been tomb plundering indiana jones style for the posterity of the english bank :X. i wont explain here why thats bad but its bad. 

the game devs however in this instance, at least SEEM to be doing what jkr couldnt do by attempting to salvage what is left of gringotts bank and form it into not a super shitty implications factory run by horrible jewish caricatures. bills mission is to retrieve a goblin made artifact that was taken by dragons, so no going to foreign countries to steal things from other people! only going to a dragon reserve to rifle through animal nests. they even appear to be providing us with a likable goblin character, egad!  

my hope for this event is that we get a plotline about how maybe, goblins arent shifty human haters for no reason, and in fact they hate magic humans for very understandable reasons, like being forced to go into hiding with the rest of the magical world even though only the humans wanted to do that, and maybe despite running the bank in england they still dont have a lot of political sway in the world of wizards and witches, and have to rely on the faith that said wizards and witches wont fuck them over at every turn, even as they see how they treat other non-humans, such as house elves, which they desperately dont want to end up like. and maybe they DONT only care about gold... maybe thats a human stereotype based on the fact that theres a long history of humans not respecting goblin ownership customs.... which i could get into..... but i wont.... i just....... very badly dont want them to suck ;__________;

i know i said its ok to still like a piece of media as long as you recognize the problems with it, and i do, but once this game is done im gonna stop hp posting all together. ive been feeling more and more uncomfortable making these posts lately.  

GENERAL GAME NOTES; theres been some new layout changes and such. 

most notably the stairs screen has been changed from a bulleted list of all locations to a screen with tiles picturing an image of each location along with the name + icons of all classes at each place. there is one additional location that is new and yet to be unlocked, and the dragon reservation is appearing temporarily as its own tile as well. i prefer this method of getting in and out of a temporary location to how they did it with car during the last christmas special. the stairs icon also now stays in the corner when you scroll through locations, allowing you to open the stairs menu without scrolling all the way back to the left. 

they also moved a few of the buttons down into the lower left corner rather than the left side & combined the story button and sidequest button. they added a little camera button as well, just like in the dormitory, that makes all the icons in a location disappear and look better for screenshots. 

the daily special add offer thing now has its own button in the top right corner of the screen, and idk if i mentioned it before but now there are daily challenges that appear in the sidequest screen that offer small rewards for completing 3 tasks per day + a better one if u get all 3. the prizes are things like 4 energy, 75 coins, 3 monster food. the better rewards are usually either more coins, 8 energy, 3 gems, or 1 notebook. i think that it does all the different color notebooks but i cant remember for sure if i ever saw the gold one up as a reward. i like this addition in any case. if you dont pick up ur reward by the end of the day, the next time u log on it will force u to stop and accept them, and if one of the rewards is energy and ur energy bar is full, it does not seem to stack beyond the bar so watch out.

 the character stats page is now more zoomed out so you can see your full character instead of just from the waist up. no change to the leaderboard. rowans face in the friendship roster is now a still black and white image that says ur friend may be gone but friendship is forever u-u. 

rowan has been removed from all classes. in the classes where the minigames involved her, those minigames have passed the mantle onto other friends in the class. in potions that person is now liz helping u find stuff off the shelves and in tranfiguration that person is badeea. bless these girls for helping mc get through it. touched my heart. 

theres been a few fun little “i know u have more free time now so uhhhh have some energy” prizes like they do sometimes when they dont update on schedule so thats been nice. just a few days ago they gifted us 3 gold notebooks the same way. :O. 

theres also been a few instances of a energy happy hour where for a limited time energy takes less time to refresh. normally it takes 4 mins for 1 energy to do this but during happy hour its like 2:30 mins. :U its all very interesting.

and that will have to do it for tonight my friends, ill do a post for the dragon event when its done because i do like it so far and i do like getting to bully bill with charlie. 

until next time, remember.......