#i shldnt be feeling like this ???
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staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?
🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their moms 69%
🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their dads 31%
grace image os i get to look at her
#edit: edited the og post to what i want but to set the record straight i edited to the post to be mathematically correct right after the#first person pointed it out which was like ten mins after i posted the og post. now fuck offf !!!!! the rest of the tags r from the og post#for some reason i feel very immature making your mom jokes about tumblr staff. which i shldnt !!#bc they suck nd they still havent given me polls. but i ig i feel imature bc it a your mom joke 😭 but still i tihnk its kinda funny#EDIT: edited the post to what i want bc yall were getting annoying . but to set the record straight i edited to post to be mathematically#also its *mum* not mom okay i am NOT !! an american . but if i say mum everyone will j be like 'omg british' like i dont know i am#anyway. i want polls please. give me the rigght to force my mutuals chose between the most inane things#also i tihnk it wld b cool for the cs weekly blog. like w each episode#i cld do a poll of like. out of five stars what do u think of this ep#and it wld b a cool thing of which eps r ppls faves#also i cld have like. whose ur fave in team red whos ur fave in acme etc#id prob just have to go with vile faculty bc theres more than 10 ppl in vile. and ppl wld kill me if i didnt include nel the ell or whoever#it wld b fun !!!#oh btw csweekly thats i thing i want to start. prob on uhhh the 11th of feb ill post abt it more but its basically#a tag/blog for watching cs one ep a time watching one ep every saturday#ya !! :3#flappy rambles#inaccessible#ask to tag#(<- idk. just in case)
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thjat one post about going thru your entire life trying to avoid being yelled at❗❗❗❗
#talkys#i cant drive alone yet or hide an entire surgery from my parents which means if i want to look into#getting sterilized i have to discuss it with them and im scared bc i rly dont know what theyll say or do. lol.#theres also the fact that ive wanted this since i was a child but i knowww theyre going to make me feel like i shldnt do it#and ill start doubting it...not bc i dont want it but because welllll shouldnt I be saving moneyy...its not URGENT.....etc#im already talking myself out of it like ive been trained to. i dont want to be yelled at.#i dont need it i just want it. and not bad enough to be yelled at#i dont want anything bad enough to be yelled at.
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good news for all my haters: im not coming back. not properly. i think social media and being around ppl in general is destroying me so im gonna just focus my energy on other stuff
ill probably still be a little bit active occassionally but for now i think il just stick to posting art etc. im moving to sheezy.art (which is down for maintenance rn but opens for registration again on fridays!) bc the energy there is much nicer for me.. but ill still post on here and insta. im also gonna be working on building my own website again!! so bookmark it and maybe some day itll have cool stuff on it.... :]
#idk ill see how this goes but ive been like lurking here for a couple days and every time without fail it makes me feel shitty#may not be a permanent thing but i have a couple safeguards in place now to stop me from getting sooooo bad. i think#i deleted all the apps off my phone. which has helped a lot esp deleting insta for reels#and i actually made another blog for like if i ever go Cazy again. for like vents and stuff . altho if im not on social media at all it#shldnt be a prblem#i wont share that but u can ask for it if u want. tho unlikely ill post for a while idk#for the record my neocities has like nothing on it rn. its essentially a series of tests from when i started last yr#and got nowhere lollll.. but im hoping to have a lot of fun with it soon#lol this whole thing is a little stupid. and i feel bad but just know its all my own fault. my own issues etc#its happened b4 itll happen time and time again i think. so im just gonna part ways w it#from now on if im gonna overshare it has to be in a lengthy edited well written blog post !!!!!!!!!!!#oke. bye#i do actually have smth to post later on my rnm blog but whatevaaa#oh ill start up my queues again too
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what are the consequences of lying to a psychiatrist asking for a friend
#AKA what wld their reaction likely be if i told them i havent been taking my meds for the past month#and that ive felt better in that time than ive felt in the past 2 years#thats like. thats good right#thats a sign i *shldnt* be taking these meds right#like im not saying im anti-medication or smth#there are still things going on w me that i think meds cld help with#i just really truly believe i was put on the wrong ones at first#and rather than stop and go “okay maybe these ones arent working” we just started treating the side effects with OTHER meds#like#fuck#i KNEW they werent working from the moment i started taking them#and i TOLD my drs#but they were just like “give it more time” or “well lets add this one on and see how you feel”#im so curious now what this past year wldve been like if id never taken any meds#i genuinely think it wldve gone better#anyway. i think im just gonna be honest w him#im not a danger to myself or others rn#i dont think hed see it as a Red Flag or anything#im specifically trying to tell him how much *better* i feel off of them#god. wish me luck.
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if being on my pc didnt give me headaches nowadays i cld be as powerful as i used to be...... 😵💫 oww...
#incoherent turtle noises#its not rly being on a computer but rather. being on it after work. hurtz. like im standing there looking at our ms-dos lookin ass interfac#for 8hrs. right. and its so unstimulating it feels like it shldnt affect me but. im still looking at a screen for hours. so ofc it hurts rn#but i wanna work on my projeeeect!!! the FHL isnt gonna build itself... i started making a powerpoint primer. like ppl do w/ real teams heh#but to do that i have to finish the roster portraits... and the roster itself.... but slide 1 is done.. w/ the core players#im still writing in my free time a lot. nearly 7k now. im so happy w/ myself.... but blake and conor still havent had a real conversation 😅#i feel like im becoming a normie but im also more of a furry than ever. the trade off for falling out of mech... universe balance.
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I can't think of anything that could kill a generative ai system faster than letting it pull from blogs on here, its going to be fed so many erroneous callouts and pointless discourse posts that its gonna generate a way to speedrun offing itself
#jay talkin#im making jokes but fucking hell the internet sucks nowadays#i love witnessing the rot in real time (<--said extremely mentally healthily haha u can trust)#im listening to monkey wrench on repeat. feeling normal#i mean hey yr shits already been jacked by ai if it was gonna be. sorry. it woulda happened like last year at its peak#sites being more open abt it now and adding opt out toggles dont mean its just suddenly gonna start happening#believe me they were all already trawled by little ai fucknuts already. sucks but its the truth#ai bros notably do not care abt legality they have already trawled every site. all u can do is fight back best u can#damage has been done. dont fall into despair via scaremongering and doom posting#do what u can to protect yrself and yr shit snd spread info on how to do that#glaze yr art if yr an artist. opt out of shit when u can. its fucking rough out here#ai is p solely focused on ripping off whatever is most marketable or 'realistic' bc it is a capitalist leach#and nobody involved in it has a soul enough to recognise art if it spat in their face#it fucking sucks that we're still dealing w it but i promise u this capitalist mass-market tendency#is gonna end up w it poisoning itself w its own shite imagery to the point of death so#it WILL fuck off eventually. hold on w the hope of that ok. n protect yr shit. alright#oh and dont share any info u wldnt want stolen but u shldnt be doing that anyway for internet safety reasons#love u all my artists in arms i hope ai dies sooner rather than later and i hope u get to piss on its corpse#love the lawsuit speedruns this place is pulling lately. yall hadnt had yr fill last week huh
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i just slept for 15 hours. jesus christ
#ofc i had nightmares.#i cant believe that all happened last night lol my finger hurts so fucking bad and i am so sore from freaking out and the shot#still in fucking awe of thst much blood#god what are the bills gonna be like#i think i handled ot well considering everything i feel awful#for my brother#he was useless bc he was freaking out due to the well. trauma. shldnt have even woken him up he just got angry but idk man if he was going#to the er id sure want to know
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i dont wanna go to the dentist tomorrowwwww
#im v grateful for it bc it’s entirely free bc im disabled but that also means i have to keep appts and shldnt reschedule or inconvenience#the dentist / the ppl there . even if i rly dont feel up to it . grrrr#but hopefully!! only one or two more appts after tmrw and all my dental work will be done :0 which will be so so nice#but god . i hate the dentistttttt im being so brave by going ESPECIALLY since i feel like shit lately !!!!!
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AAUGHGFAAGHHHUGSSHKL HSGHHH (<- having gender thoughts)
#and i cant even voice them properly!!!!!#thinking abt some (queer) ppl i met in situations where we like all had to share our pronouns and later i realized they assumed i was a man#and its like noooo and now im considering changing them to like more neutral ones but i shldnt have to do that plus i really feel#comfortable with just he/they (mostly he bc i dont like the french default neutral pronoun for myself..) and also lately ive kinda been#envying lesbians and the last time i felt like that was when i found out abt trans ppl and i know transmasc lesbians exist yk But im#bisexual and really more often into men and also im read well. as a guy (which im fine with actually. in my mind there is a line between#'man' and 'guy' and im firmly on the guy side of it) and i dont dislike my attraction to men being gay And Also butches are everything to#me i want them & i want to be them if i could just be a hot bi butch dating another hot bi butch my life would be perfect 4ever. basically#not to be like 'im nonbinary so im gay for everyone lol!!' but thats really how it is unfortunately (<- having a million identity crises#while laying on the couch & not dating anyone)#. ughm. is thi‚s mic on#txt
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Started Thinking too Hard Again abt How bcs i Live in Singapore Lgbt-wise it Feels like im th Only Type of Person tht i Am nd theres Nobody Like me nd No way to do Anythn Abt It nd i KNOW There are Singaporean Trans ppl OBVS bt i like Know Nobody My Age nd i Dont Personally Know or See Anybody like Me at All nd Singapores Unique Hell of “Dont rock the boat If you die dont make a fuss bcs We straight up dont give a shit” Makes it like 1000000x Worse Alright Campers Todays challenge is to Find a reason to Keep Going
#🔖#GOD I AM NOT YR STRONGEST SOLDIER#Its th Reality of my Situation so Obvs it cant be Ignored bt Staring too Hard at it Feels like Staring at the Sun#nd so like Yknow. Move to Smplace where More ppl like Me can be Found#bt Isnt tht in a Sense ‘Abandoning’ Ppl like me Theoretically here who are in Hiding#Like Shldnt i ‘Stay’ bcs i shld Make ‘Home’ Better#I Hate it Here Man#Dont go on r/singapore fr Any reason but Especially dont Read their Opinions on Nonbinary Ppl
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where are my fellow reonagis let's get some blankets and tissues and chocolates ready
[original tweet]
#gonna cry again lets go#honestly i shldnt be fazed at this point but i cant bear to see my boi reo#look like THAT#look i love nagi too but sometimes#i feel like punching him for letting reo look like that#:(#reonagi#nagireo#blue lock#bllk#reo mikage#nagi seishiro
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sorry btwwwww i barely exist n m still like. congealing in2 a person or wtvr n uhhh idk talkin 2 ppl is weird
#bloodletting#idfk how 2 uhh manage feelin like i shldnt b talkin 2 ppl ab shit bc im not an adult#like uhhh esp w just how the internet was when this whole body was a teen uhh feels weird ig ykkkk???
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everyone pray for me i have been forced by circumstances v much in my control to break my work shoes in for the first time during a nine hour shift
#yelling at clouds#a significant portion of the sides of my feet is already callous#but i have learnt that callous can develop blisters. which does feel like it shldnt be allowed.#the main problem is they do not actually fit around my ankle so now ive gotta relearn to walk a bit. to account for that.#i DID put the good insoles in them. im still taking pre emptive ibuprofen.
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one of my friends has literally all of the symptoms (at least to my unprofessional eyes) of a serious but treatable hormonal/reproductive disease but because her family is very religious and traditional she has never gone to a gynecologist nor realizes that she needs to…. how do i gently convince her to do so
#like. i think if she walked into a gyno they wld diagnose her in a minute#i feel so bad bc she describes her period and im like no this is not normal and you shldnt be going through this.#and she agrees. But then she’ll say oh my mom only wants me to try xyz herbal medicine#her family is super nice and not like religious fundamentalists or anything but like. ur causing ur daughter physical harm!#does make me grateful that i have a mother who like. sends me articles daily about abortion rights cases.
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the problem with carulia is that there isnt a rly good classic multi chap au fanfic for it for me to loose my mind over. and most of the multi chap fanfic that is out there for it straight up bad if i remeber right 👍🏽
#like not bad bad like mischaracterizing bad yk. i also havent read a lot in a while but yk#i remember there was this one fanfic called hook line and sinker that like in the old og carulia server was joked abt as like#thee caruia fanfic and so many people had read it and its so bad and not good#bad carulia characterization !!! it was like carmen youre Perfect at everything and julia is so flustered by your flirtatiousness and ugghh#ihate u ppl sometimes !! specifcally the people of ao3 bc omfg#how come people like saw carulia and saw the interactions that show their relationship and the actual dynamic they have#and only like. take the fact that theyre in love from it and just add a dynamic that so not their dynamic and so bad over top of it#just uggh. im sure there is a lot of rly good carulia fanfic out there tbh. but also not searching for it rn its wayy too late#i was just thinking bc im like. jealous/envious whichever one means i want what u have NOT i dont want u to have what u have#whenever luce mentions w.a.r. like pls i also want a thee multichap fanfic tht makes me feel insane for my fave ship#andi have been in fandoms/had ship were they have had tht nd iwant it soo badly w carulia.#ig i will have to write one then but also i dont have any multi chap au fanfic ideasss 😭😭😭#and i shldnt be coming up with any at a point were im not even working on my non au mostly one shot ones lmao#flappy rambles
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Im so close 2 snapping .
#my stomach feels like its eating utself bt tbe only food items here r like incomplete like i have pb n j no bread so#Vienne suassges in chicken thats definitely making me nauseous somehow it is#999#i guess i Could walk 2 thorntons 4 a hotdog but . its cold n i think i shldnt spend anymore monry this week
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