#i set a reading goal of 25 books this year which is maybe ambitious (i read 23 last year but also half of those were dungeon meshi volumes)

[astriiformes]

Was tagged by @starfoozle to share some of the books on my to-read list for 2025 (thank you, friend, this is a fun one!)

First on my list of reading goals is actually to try to finish at least a couple of the in-progress books I carried with me into the new year, but for this challenge I picked ones I haven't actually started yet -- with the exception of Wonder and the Order of Nature, which I read a chapter of for a class years ago and loved (and which may or may not end up being the beginning of PhD dissertation reading in 2025).

This list is mostly non-fiction, as is my wont, though there are a couple fiction books in here for once -- both recommended by friends, so I'm slightly more optimistic I'll actually read and enjoy them. I hear tell the Rivers of London series even has a canon aromantic character, and that Mongrels is actually good werewolf fiction, so I may scratch a couple itches with my reading this year.

Tagging @marypsue @tam--lin @eternalgirlscout @so-i-did-this-thing @lafseanchai @professionalowl and @eighthdoctor, though of course there's no obligation to participate (I just suspect all of you have excellent to-read lists, haha)

[solarisrenbeth]

hello beloved, can i have 8, 10 and 25 for the books asks please? 💕

silvvvv thank you beloved!! 🥰

8. Did you meet any of your reading goals? If so which ones?

i don’t know that i set any reading goals this year, actually! i did join a lil virtual book club which was something i was interested in so i guess that counts 😌

10. What was your favorite new release of the year?

OOOOH this is real close. hm. yeah i have to cheat and mention two, sorry LMAO

gotta be a tie between kelly link’s white cat, black dog and eliza clark’s penance

both were highly anticipated releases for me because i’m a big fan of both writers, so the fact that they both EXCEEDED those expectations says a lot 🤩 white cat, black dog is some of the most fun i’ve had with a short story collection and if you enjoy reimagined fairy tales (but weirder), i highly HIGHLY recommend this one 🤌 and penance……..i don’t even know what to say about penance 💆‍♀️ it’s like nothing i’ve ever read before and i couldn’t put it down. if anyone has read this please let me know so we can discuss

25. What reading goals do you have for next year?

hmmmmm! probably to keep better track of my reading throughout the year and actually do some review writing instead of just going !!!!!!!!!!! about everything i like 😅 maybe start a bookblr but that might be ambitious 💀

[writing-with-olive]

Tracking goals with a bulletin board instead of a planner

I don't know how helpful this is going to be to everyone, but switching away from using a planner was an absolute GAME CHANGER, so I'm going to share my system because it's not as intuitive as a planner, but at least for me, it's much more effective.

This got kinda long(ish) so the following is under the cut:

why I switched from using a planner to using a bulleting board

what kind of goals I set with this system

measuring success

how it actually works (how to set it up, and use it to actually track goals)

affordability (spoiler alert: it’s better than most planners)

First of all, why did I switch?

My biggest issue with using a planner was that I wasn't seeing my goals often enough. In the closed pages of a book, they are very nicely hidden, and goals I can't see are goals that don't exist. This took me, oh..... five years to realize (starting when I first tried setting and tracking goals), but once I did, everything suddenly made sense. As far as I can tell, the more often you're interacting with your goals, the more likely you are to complete them. 

What kind of goals do I set?

I track goals quarterly, which means I set new goals at the start of every three months (January, April, July, October). This is pretty effective, as I can set ambitious enough goals that I have to actually work to meet them, but there's enough space for setbacks like "I don't wanna" and "Oh look! Life!" without completly obliterating my chances of being able to finish. Quarterly goals are also pretty standard, at least for corporate America (idk about elsewhere, but it seems fairly likely).

In terms of content, I set several goals for the following catagories:

school/academics (if you don't go to school, work-based goals could go here instead)

social media and writing (most of my social media presence revolves around writing, so I kinda lump them together)

personal/private goals (home-based, tasks that I need to set aside more time to do, family, etc)

self care/habits I want to build (take a walk daily, eat breakfast, screentime limits, read books, etc)

This quarter, I have five for each section, which means twenty goals overall. That's a lot. (I'll get to my metric of success in a sec) The benifit though, is that pretty much all of the most important parts of my life are accounted for, meaning that it's not about making time for my goals, it's about structuring my day so that the bulk of it focuses on one goal or another. Whenever I'm bored, I can see what I have on my goals list, and I'm usually able to find something that's interesting to me in the moment. (This method of spreading out goals to cover multiple facets of my life is heavily inspired by Jenna Moreci's goalsetting method)

How does success work?

(The stuff above was adapted from Jenna Moreci. This part is lifted wholesale from what she does.) I have a lot of goals. Because of that, it's pretty unlikely that I'm going to be able to complete all of them, and setting that expectation is a great way to end up failing, and lacking the motivation to do much of anything. Therefore, a successful quarter is completing at least 50% of the set goals. It's still a challenge - I still have to complete 10 goals in 12 weeks, but it's doable. A success is listed as a win, whereas not completing 50% is a loss. Since I am a competitive person by nature, putting it in a win/lose dichotomy is an excellent motivator. 

This is great and all, but how do you actually set it up?

Okay this is the fun stuff! So it would seem like the board would get pretty crowded pretty quick, but it actually doesnt. 

I do all of my tracking on notecards. Each card holds five goals on them, which I write in pen, and I mark my progress by highlighting a progress bar on top of the row I've written my goal on. This means I can tell at a glance what goals I have the most or least progress on, and approximately how far I have left to go. I don't have to get bogged down by writing out fractions/percentage completion, which would definitely clutter things up. 

To set my board up overall, I used string to block out four columns, each with header labels: Quarter, Week, Day, and Other.

The quarter column is where I list all of my goals I've set without breaking it down into little pieces. I have four notecards in this section, each with five goals apiece. It's the way I track how far I am toward completing the whole goal. Since some goals take most of the quarter to complete, I only update the progress bars once a week. 

The week column also has five notecards, but broken down into pieces I can accomplish in a seven-day period. Usually, I set it up, so that the goals on each card directly correspond to the goals on the quarter goal card to it's direct left. You can mix and match which goals you work on any given week, but it's effective for both keeping everything organized, and also for making sure I'm not neglecting anything. I also make sure to label each of the week goals what it's the week of (for example [W- Mar 4] would indicate that this is a weekly goal card, and also that it's the week of March 4th). This is useful in case I want to go back and see what I was up to at any given time. 

The day column looks a little different in that there are only two notecards. This is to help limit what what volume I'm trying to take on, because one of the biggest demotivaters is seeing a giant pile of work and knowing there's no way to finish it in the time you've got. Usually, I align the first card with the top row established by my quarter/weekly goals, and I write out five things I want to achieve during the day based off what I've written in my top two weekly goal cards. The other card is on the third row, and corresponds to the third and fourth weekly goal cards. As a very strict rule, I don't give myself more than four hours of work each day (this excludes going to class). I've experimented with other timeframes, and I've found going over that number means my chances of doing what I've set out to do plummet if I assign myself more. 

The Other section is where I keep all of my past week/day notecards. On top, I have my weekly goal notecards in one of those triangular paper clamp thingys (I have been informed that these are technically referred to as binder clips), organized in chronological order, with the most recent at the front. Below that, I have my daily goals. This way, I have my progress easily accessible (this comes in useful for proving that yes, I did do the dishes three times last week and yes, it's your turn)

How affordable is it?

Actually really affordable. Yes, it takes up more wall space, but you can get a bulletin board for about $20-$45 depending on where you shop (sometimes they cost more, but usually you can find one in the given range). Notecards cost on average about $3-$4 per 100 card pack (which lasts about two months if you use front and back). Thumbtacks cost about two to three dollars, and a small ball of yarn costs about three to seven dollars. This means tracking for the first quarter costs about $35-$60 dollars, but every quarter following is between $4 and $7. 

For comparison, most quarterly planners, cost about $25-$35 dollars per quarter.

Over a year, that adds up to:

 $50 - $80 for a bulletin board tracker

$100 - $140 for quarterly planners

Over two years, it adds up to

$65 - $100 for a bulletin board tracker

$200 - $280 for quarterly planners

Anyway, that got pretty long, but maybe it'll be helpful to you!

[the-last-airbadger]

My 2020

Hey y’all. So 2020 happened. That was a thing. Apparently. I know for a lot of people this year was uhm… pretty shit… but it was still a year that happened so it’s time for my annual reflection post (probably the only time I still post about myself on tumblr lol) and maybe we might even find some good things that happened this year!

 The Beginning of 2020 vs Now

So, a lot has changed since the start of the year. A pandemic happened, for one. I can’t believe that a year ago I could still go to class every day and see my friends and now I’m pretty much stuck at home every day. The year started out pretty normal and then march happened and well, you all know what happened next. The worst part about the pandemic for me personally was probably the fact that I barely see my friends anymore and I can’t go to class every day. Some people may not think that not going to class is that bad, but I really enjoyed university more than I ever enjoyed school and I was really happy going there every day, and I was already sad I’d only have 4 to 5 years to spend there, so when that period got even shorter it made me kinda sad.

On the other hand, I do think that mentally I’m in a much better place than I was last year around this time. Being home this much really gave me time to reflect and work on my issues, and because my sister was stuck in our house for a couple of weeks I got to talk to her a lot which really helped me feel better. I think in general my entire family (my brother, sister and mom) have become a lot more open with each other which I think is great! I guess quarantine can have some benefits.

 The Best Things about 2020

Okay, here’s is where we’re going to get even more positive and go over all the good things that happened (to me) this year! To be honest, most of the year was a bit of a blur so I probably will forget quite a bit, but I’m going to give this a try anyway. At the start of the year (when things were still normal) I was super excited to get into the next semester, as the one before had,,, kinda sucked, and those 6 weeks of class I had at the start of the year were really great. I remember me and my friends having a competition of who could get mentioned the most in our teacher’s powerpoint presentation so those classes were always interesting. I also finally got to dye my hair for the first time with the help of my friends. I’ve been wanting to do that for so long, and I’m so happy I finally got to do it! I even know how to do it myself now, and my hair hasn’t been brown since the start of march! Then, at the start of march, my dad and stepmother moved away and I permanently moved in with my mom. Before, I used to live with both my mom and my dad and I got really really sick of switching houses every week, so to finally live in one house and have all my stuff in one place was a bit of a relief to me, and I’m still really happy with it. After that, things become a bit blurry. I remember that at the start of quarantine in … April? I watched Sex Education or the first time, which is now not only one of my favourite shows ever, but also taught me a lot and helped me with some of the issues I was dealing with. We’ll skip over the subsequent sexuality crisis I had (I think I might actually be straight??), and skip straight to the summer, when I started watching I-Land. I watched every episode as it aired live, and because of this show my Fridays really became the highlight of the week. I don’t think I’ve ever been so invested in a survival show XD. The rest of the year was mostly just me spending time with myself. It got a bit lonely sometimes, but I also don’t think I’ve ever written as much as I have this year, and my drawing has significantly improved (if I may say so myself)! Especially towards the end of the year, when I started making a planning every day to prevent myself from wasting away all my time on youtube, I got super productive, and I wrote a lot, and made a lot of art, and I really felt good. I even started (gasp) working out. Yeah I know. Shocking right.

There was also a lot of good music that was released this year, and, to close this section on a great note, through one of my classes I finally found a group of friends to play D&D with! We haven’t actually played yet, but we will, and I’m so excited to play the game and get to know these people more! They all seem really kind!

 My Resolutions for 2020?

Now, here’s the part where we check whether I actually reached all the goals I set myself for 2020. As usual, I have no idea what my resolutions were, so I honestly have no idea how I did. Let’s see, shall we?

Express my feelings more (as in I get really awkward in any sappy or mushy situation but I would like to be able to tell people I appreciate them without cringing) – UHM way to attack me on the very first resolution jeez. I did get more open with my family but I still can’t tell people I care about them without cringing so this is a fail lol

Again, learn to depend less on other people’s opinion and trust my own – I’ve been working on it, I think I’ve gotten a bit better? So win?

Get my sleeping schedule back on track – did that! It’s a bit whacky again now because of the holidays, but October and November were a big success regarding this resolution

WRITE MORE. This time I’ll make some concrete goals: Either I’ll get my story’s first draft done, or I’ll write 100 pages on a single project – okay, so here’s the thing. I don’t think I did any of these particular things, however this time I am 100% sure I wrote a lot more than the past years. I cannot count all the files and pages and notes I have now, but I wrote a lot, so I’m counting this as a win

I want to try NaNoWriMo (not necessarily in November, but at some point) – yeah, didn’t do that oops

I want to read a lot again but maybe not as much as this year because I want to focus on writing too. 40 books? – 49 books babey

Read all my current unread books (Aru Shah 2, Skullduggery Pleasant 9, Gemina, The Mistborn Trilogy and Call Down The Hawk) and finish my reread of Heroes of Olympus and the Raven Cycle) – Did all of these except Skullduggery Pleasant 9 (the start was so boring I decided not to read it all) and The Mistborn Trilogy (I am about halfway through the first book I think?) so I’m counting this as half a win

Finally read a book by V.E. Schwab (I’ve been wanting to try one of her books for ages) – Did that! Read a whole trilogy. It was good but not as great as I expected them to be. I think my expectations were too high though

Finish Playing Twilight Princess (I promised my brother) – Did that! I’m really proud of myself and so is my brother

Go. Swimming. Seriously. It’s scandalous that I still haven’t done that after waiting so long to be able to – IT’S BEEN 5 YEARS SINCE I LAST WENT SWIMMING WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I did buy new swimshorts but I still haven’t actually used them… shame on me

Try to worry less about school and not overwork myself – kinda?

Maybe try another drawing challenge somewhere this summer? I haven’t done any of those in a while and I feel like my art needs more attention – okay, so I didn’t do that, but I did at the start of the year make the resolution to make portrait/photoshoot-like drawings for my 8 main oc’s, and I did actually manage to finish that, and they are some of the best drawings I’ve ever made, so though I haven’t actually done a challenge specifically, I did do something

I want to try a 24 hour readathon – Yeah, didn’t do that oops

I kinda want to learn a piano piece as well, but I already have so many hobbies I want to focus on so I don’t know if I’ll have the time ☹ – yeah my dad sold our piano so… fail XD

 Expectations for 2021

Now, after last year I think it’s safe to say we can never really know what to expect. But! I’m going to guess anyway because it’ll be really fun to see next year whether I got anything right.

The first thing that I think will probably happen this year (if I don’t majorly mess anything up) is I’ll be writing my thesis next semester, and then in the summer I’ll get my bachelor’s degree. Honestly I can’t believe how fricking fast those 3 years went, but I guess I’ll just have to roll with it lol. Corona vaccinations will also probably start happening next year, and hopefully this will mean that going outside and seeing my friends will be possible again next year – at least a lot more than it was this year. I hope 2021 will be the year of hanging out with friends and getting to live a little again. Maybe even get to go to class. That would be great.

On to more minor – but no less exciting – things, 2021 will probably bring us a new season of Sex Education! I’m sooo excited for that holy shit. And, in a similar vein, I have high hopes for kpop releases now that SHINee is finally back, and it looks like Haseul is also returning to LOONA! 2021 will also be the year in which ENHYPEN makes their first comeback, and some of the other I-LAND contestants will also make their debut, and there might even be a new season of I-LAND as well in the summer? So there’s a lot of things to look forward to. Oh, and I almost forgot, Dan Howell’s book will be released in May, and there will be a new Grishaverse book, and the Shadow and Bone show will start airing, which I am really curious about. Again, lots of things to look forward to!

 2021 Resolutions

I’m not feeling as ambitious as I was last year, but there are a couple of things I want to try and do, so let’s jump into the resolutions!

I just came up with this today, but I think I want to try and build a bit of a skincare routine? The skin on my nose is kinda flakey, and I think it couldn’t hurt to try and take better care of my skin

Keep up with my daily workouts. I want to work out every day, except when I’m at my dad’s or when it’s a special day, like Christmas or something.

Be able to do either 50 push-ups on my knees, 25 normal push-ups, or both

GO SWIMMING

Keep up with planning daily! It’s a really good way to balance all of my 3195 hobbies and it helps me to not get stressed about school

Write (almost) every day. I need to make it a habit

Draw at least once a week, every other day if possible

Go outside at least once a week. That doesn’t seem very hard but with corona I did not realise how little I go outside if I am not forced to. Sometimes I spend 3 weeks without going out and I don’t even notice it. That can’t be good for me lol

Try to make healthier food choices. Maybe follow the lunch meal plan of the guy whose workout videos I follow.

Get my bachelor’s degree

Grow a beard. I’m getting closer… I know I’m getting closer…

Meet with my frIENDS and give them the alBUMS I have for them

Be more careful with my money, maybe even save a bit of money

Spend less time on social media

Read more educational books

I think that’s it! I can’t think of anything else right now so these will have to do. I wish that 2021 will treat all of you much better than whatever mess 2020 was! Happy 2021!

Last year’s post: (x)

@the-official-pentacorn @asiandutchgirl

[jackednephi]

On daily scripture study

Kind of a long post. I'm on mobile so no cut. Sorry :(

Ok so I'm gonna try doing something this year that I haven't in the past and that's reading my scriptures every single day. In the past, I've been hindered by like approaching it as the Ideal like we learn in seminary which is Deep Study every single day. Obviously, I ended up failing because that's such a lofty goal. I mean, it always ended up being good for me because it would inevitably deepen my study. I'd involve Google in with the footnotes and get really deep into things. Like the post I have forever ago about Nephi's sword type of thing. But research rather than happenstance and it's part of why I know so much about kosher laws off the top of my head

Something else I think has been a hindrance to this goal has been the idea that I need to bust out my physical scriptures to do so and, at least when I was in high school, the only comfortable place I had to do this was the couch in the living room. Also, if I'm being honest, I was definitely doing Way Too Much (as is the common Mormon trap tbh) But I'm not doing Way Too Much because what work I get is by no means full time. I do what I can around the house, but that's limited to weather, spoons, and so on. I'm in the process of applying for disability but that's not an all day, every day type of affair. I'm going back to school eventually and studying for the GRE in the meantime but, again, even with all this, I have a lot of open time. And I have a comfy bed if nowhere else

ALL THAT SAID, I wanted to know if anybody used the LDS library app for reading and how that worked out. I figured if I can make time to read bits of fanfiction/otome apps every day, then I can try to read the scriptures every day. Also, is the app good for study? I know it's good for church use so will be good for casual reading but a big reason I haven't relied on it for daily reading is that I'm worried about relying on it for regular study

I mean, I've always been partial to physical books and scriptures (I can write in them and I like the heft and can use them even when headaches crop up) but I need to be realistic with myself. Sometimes I can't even get out of bed for hip pain and can't even prop myself up to read a physical copy. Plus, I do NOT want my kids (the buns for those of 6ou unaware) thinking it's something they can destroy cause we give them phone books and stuff to shred and scriptures are similar enough. But again, not sure if the app is good enough for me to kind of "retire" my scriptures so to speak. Especially since I really, really, REALLY like marking them and writing notes in them. I know there's a little notebook thing but, again, I've been reluctant to explore it because I was pretty sure there was no way it could be as good as physically writing

How does everyone else approach what to study too, by the way? Do y'all go "I will study what we are in Sunday school this year" or do you just eat up the BOM year after year instead? Do you switch it up from day to day just going wherever? Do you start with the ensign and work from there? Conference talks? Because that's technically scripture too, right? Also, would it be a good idea to maybe record my progress in my journal I use for scriptures and study maybe? Like the date, where I read from and to, maybe some quick notes? Or would that be too ambitious for now? I was thinking it would be good to see if I've been actually accomplishing reading every day and adjust accordingly if I wasn't. Maybe printing out a little calendar or chart and giving myself a cute little sticker as a reward for that day to mark my progress

Like the goal is to get myself to make this a habit. It has never ever been a habit for me and that definitely needs to change. Like I do read scriptures but never daily like we're told. I want to give myself as much opportunity for success as possible and, considering I'm 25, I clearly have yet to figure out what I need to do for success. I'd tried every day in the mornings in high school but needed to wake up at 430 to do that due to morning JROTC practice three days a week and seminary the other two. Then, who's going to wake up that early on the weekends to keep that kind of habit? Not a growing, anorexic, overscheduled teenager, that's who

Then, I'd have after school stuff. Drama, choir practice, viola practice, fencing, or karate depending on the year, piano practice/lesson every day except Sundays, JROTC stuff depending on time of year and if stuff was coming up, a MOUNTAIN of homework, and by the time all that was done, it wasn't like I was in any shape to do more studying. I wanted to play video games or draw or read or otherwise destress. Then, I was inactive in college so why would I go out of my way to form (let alone keep) a daily scripture habit

So do I go for a same time every single day type thing? I attribute the past failure of that to circumstance. A set time is fine when I have/remember to take my meds. But that will probably fall apart other days and habits are consistent things. Maybe I should aim for, instead of a time, more of a "as soon as I wake up, have had food and meds" type of flexible thing so I'm not beating myself up for sleeping in until noon when I meant to get up at 8? Or do y'all find later in the day better because you're not having to worry about the Rest Of The Day setting in on you? I'm thinking after me waking might be best so I'm not feeling guilty for taking time away from my family

Regarsing frequency, should I start with doing it as often as possible? Shoot for once a week then slowly increase it? Go whole hog and get it done daily even if it's just a couple minutes? I genuinely do not know. The year my family and I read the BOM every day together, I was in elementary and not doing too much. We did four chapters a day, more if they were short and less if they were long, but my parents really were the ones who dictated that so I don't really know how to do that myself

Anyway, I really want to make sure this goal sees success and then, in time to come, I can deepen it to be rigorous study rather than just reading every day. Thus all the questions. I also know different people are different and what may work for y'all may not work for me. But I would like real answers as to how y'all do your scripture habits as opposed to like Advice y'know? Like get real specific with it so I can have a good idea of what works for different people so I have a concrete idea of things to try

Nobody is obligated to answer any of these questions by the way. Just I wanted to ask them and throw this out there to all of tumblrstake so I could get a good range of answers. Daily scripture study is such a nebulous concept to me that I definitely need concrete examples as opposed to vague advice. Also no I'm not gonna pray about how to know how to do things. HF doesn't work like that. I mean I will pray for guidance to know when things are working or not but I can't do that until I'm actively Doing The Thing and how am I supposed to actively Do The Thing if I don't really even have a starting place

Like do I hit up the church website and comb through conference talk after conference talk about "read your scriptures daily" in hopes of finding a more practical how to? I'd think there would be less of that and more admonishing. I was also born in the church so idk if converts get some kind of lesson from the missionaries the rest of us don't about how to read daily. If so, can we like spread that to the general populous? Cause I would appreciate it

Anyway, sorry for the wall of text. Vann had Questions

Feel free to hit up my inboxes by the way. I do read everything even if some asks sit there for like months at a time because I never get around to answering them

[jazminebryant]

Where I Begin (Again)

The first time I was introduced to real estate investing was, like with most people, on HGTV watching real estate investors breaking down walls and pretending they didn't know about the wall issue that causes such a panic during the episode (I know enough now that if you did a proper inspection before closing on the property, half of the dramatic issues that we see on TV would have never come up during the rehab process). It was entertaining watching them solve their issues with the property and seeing that with a little hard work, you can make $35,000 in a few weeks.

I never thought to act on it doing it myself. I was in high school and only watched because my mom refused to watch anything I liked so I sat, I watched, and I observed. I wanted to be making that kind of money myself but I couldn't imagine or even fathom how to come up with that amount of money to buy a property, and let's not talk about the fact that I didn't know (and still don't know) the first thing about construction. Fast forward to May 2019, I've moved, I'm in college full-time, and I still watched HGTV shows on Netflix religiously. I'm in my car doing food delivery for GrubHub and I hear a commercial come on the radio (my tape that I used for an aux cord was stuck and wouldn't play my music so I listened to the radio) inviting me to come out and spend a few hours learning about real estate investing and how I could get started earning the big bucks. For an online college student with $55,000 in debt using a beat-up 2002 Honda Civic that was ready to break down any minute for GrubHub as their primary source of income, I could use some of those big bucks there were advertising about.

I was at a red light and I typed the website link into my phone's notes pad (not so legal, I know, but I was borderline desperate) and finished my shift. When I got home, I registered my boyfriend and myself up for the seminar at the end of the next week. I was excited and didn't know what to expect other than to be making $35,000 in a few weeks after learning what I needed to know.

Before the seminar was over, I got sucked up into the pitch of attending a three-day seminar for $200. My boyfriend who's not easily persuaded was also hooked and ready to learn all that we could about real estate investing. I was so moved, I bought an additional course on a specific kind of investing (tax liens). I knew that I was going to take all of the material we got from the seminar, study it, and be ready for the next course.

Well, after attending the first seminar, I got impatient and researched what I would learn at this three-day course. I found blog after blog about how this company was going to pitch to me a $50,000 course. Remember I said I had $55,000 in debt? I was devastated, especially because I had spent money I didn't have for this seminar. I kept researching the upcoming seminar and I found a few people say although they didn't pay for the additional courses, they still learned a lot.

We decided that after some research into real estate on YouTube and discovering BiggerPockets, we didn't need a $50,000 course, I'm a business student and he has two business degrees; we know how to research for information. I said that I'd take some of the most detailed notes I'd ever take and use that to build upon our knowledge and that's exactly what I did. I have sold 25-pages worth of handwritten notes from that three-day seminar. The presenter even joked about how I had so many notes. I didn't care. I'd rather have hand cramps then come out of pocket for $50,000 which I more than likely wouldn't have been able to attain anyways; my credit was in the trash (still is to this day) because of my high credit utilization and lack of paying my bills on time. I wanted my $200 worth of material.

While some spent $50,000 for a business-in-a-box, I spent the entire summer learning all that I could, speaking with real estate agents and title companies. I went hardcore on my real estate investing business and had some solid momentum. I went as far as sending out 150 letters and placing 300 calls. Of that, we scheduled one property tour. My boyfriend and I lost some steam, we knew that we shouldn't get our hopes up thinking we would strike it rich the first go-around but we quickly ran out of money and time by October (we officially started our business in August 2019).

By the end of November, I stopped sending out letters, they were too expensive for me to continue on a freelancer's wage and I stopped driving for dollars. I honestly got tired of the word 'no' even though I was told by multiple people to not give up, no matter how many 'no's I get. The business was all of a sudden draining on me and I stopped paying attention to our business. I had a lot going on at the time and it was taking up a lot of my time to where I didn't have time for anything else, my schoolwork included.

I haven't spoken about real estate until last week (other than the few times my awesome real estate agent friend, Patrick, would call to check on us and our progress). 6 months of nothing about real estate. 6 months of forgotten terms and concepts. It makes me sad that something I was so passionate about and couldn't shut up about a year ago (that three-day seminar started May 17, 2019) was forgotten. After a year of freelancing and doing odd jobs to make a living, I recently started working full-time again because I realized I lacked the discipline I needed to be a successful freelancer and got really behind on my bills. Now that I have been working full-time for the past three months, I've started to climb out of the hole I had only dug deeper for myself over the past year and I am working at paying off my credit cards, at the very least, to free up some cash I can use for our business(es).

This week has been very eye-opening to me on what I've been missing that truly makes me happy, real estate and wealth generation. I recently finished a book by Gary Vaynerchuk (Gary Vee), Crush It! Why Now is the TIme to Cash in on Your Passion, and I don't know exactly where in the book where it clicked to me that I needed to get back to the things that I have been passionate about. I finished that book four days ago and I've recently started reading, The Book on Investing in Real Estate with No and Low Money Down by Brandon Turner. A lot of the terms of real estate are coming back to me (for the life of me, I couldn't remember what a HELOC was until earlier today) and I've been working on our business plan for the past week.

I don't know what it is about this time around, but I've got a better feeling that things will turn out for the better for us. Gary Vee gave me the confidence I needed to ask my job if I could go part-time (doesn't make any sense for me to quit my job any time soon like I did the last time - well, I got laid off but that's another story) so I can focus on finishing my degree (two more classes!!) and work on my business(es). I was shocked to know that my request to switch to part-time had been approved - thanks Gary Vee!! So now, I'll be able to add some flexibility back in my week to work on our investing business and another business my boyfriend and I run together and still be able to freelance to come up with the missing wages from not working full-time.

I still am feeling very overwhelmed just like I did in the beginning of my real estate journey, but now that I know a few things, I feel a little better. My business plan hasn't been worked on so much in the past couple of days but only because I've been doing so much reading lately, see why I need more flexibility? I plan on finishing this investing book and then I have a lot more to read down the line. I'm just glad I'm in a whole lot better of a situation than I was a year ago. I have the income to pay my bills, anything extra will be for paying off debt faster and funding our business. I understand marketing from the real estate investors' perspective a lot better so I know which marketing strategies I'll try first this time around that won't cost a lot out of pocket and I've learned it's okay to slow down and ingest the material instead of my usual read and apply methodology.

I know I won't be making $35,000 a week, a month, or maybe even six months from now, but I am a lot more confident in my ability to actually reach that figure and then some.   As of right now, I've got goals written down and I'm figuring out my business plan. I've done business plans for products and small services but nothing like real estate so it's brand new to me for some parts. As I work through this all over again, I read over the goals I set for myself a year ago, and if I was as ambitious as I thought I would be, I'd have half of my debt paid off by now. But I've learned it's okay to get knocked down, I knocked myself down but I've learned a lot about investing since then and I know it can only get better from here. If you've made it this far, thank you for reading! I do have a question for you. Do you use a planner? If so, what brand of planner do you use? I am in search of one that is entrepreneur-friendly and has the space for a lot of notes. Obviously, I have a lot going on so I need something that has some multipurpose to it.

If you're like me, new and inexperienced, I'd love to connect and offer each other support. If you have some advice or tips from me, I'd love to connect and pick your brain over your successes and challenges.

[keepcalmandstudy]

Self-care

This week’s post was going to be a ‘week in the life’ kind of thing, but something that’s always on my mind is the importance of self-care, especially while trying to maintain the standard of work required from me at a place such as Oxford. It’s no lie that this place is intense, but it is manageable if one looks after oneself as well as possible. This line of thinking led me to want to write this post - a post on how I make sure I am looking after myself that you can hopefully all apply to your days as you go about studying:)

Disclaimers: 

Some of these are fairly obvious, but it seems that the most obvious ones are those that are given little importance and are thus not carried out. I’d also like to add that these are things that I try and do every day, but if you can just manage even one then that’s a grand old thing.

I’ve tried to talk about the benfits for studying that these means of self-care can result in, but ultimately these should be carried out primarily for your mental and physical health!

1. Fresh air every day

This can be sitting and studying on a bench outside for an hour, or as simple as walking to the shops to buy some bread.

Fresh air has so many benefits, but most importantly in relation to studying, it leads to more energy and a sharper mind - the perfect combination for a productive day of studying!

2. Sleep

Sleep for me is by far the most important element of self-care that I try to incorporate into my life.

Getting to sleep before 12pm is something I always try to stick to, but find a time that works for you and stick to it!

I’m sure you’re all aware of the HUGE benefits that getting a good sleep regularly can have, but in terms of study benefits, sleep sharpens attention, improves memory, spurs creativity, decreases stress etc etc

Having a set bedtime routine, including things in this list, is also self-care for me and really helps me to wind down at the end of the day.

3. Exercise

I find exercise to be of huge benefit for my anxiety and productivity levels; it seems to increase positive energy, and provide an outlet for any nervous energy consuming me. 

Personally, sports just aren’t my cuppa (my co-ordination levels are not those to be desired haha), and nor are perhaps more traditional forms of exercise such as running or taking part in exercise classes. I, therefore, choose to skip! I have a bright pink skipping rope and skip for about 5 minutes every morning as part of my morning routine (just like having a set bedtime routine, having a set morning routine in which I incorporate some of these self-care things is also a means of self-care for me!).

4. Speak to family/friends

This is especially important for me during my time at Oxford - speaking to family back home, or making sure I talk to my friends at Oxford (or the few I have back home), is a really great way to make sure I step outside the bubble of what can feel like constant work.

This for me reduces stress and is my favourite way to take a break from studying.

5. Plan the following day the night before

This can be as simple as writing a (realistic! - if you want to be ambitious highlight the things you HAVE to get done and have the rest as optional goals) to-do list, or planning your day hour by hour. 

The option I go for depends on what I need to get done the following day/how I’m feeling, but having some kind of plan really increases my productivity and motivation levels! 

This also falls into the category of self-care for me as when I don’t have some kind of plan my mental health takes a dip.

6. Meditation

I use an app called Headspace to meditate morning and night and I’d highly recommend it, whether you use the free or paid-for version. 

Meditation is incredible for self-care - it improves concentration, reduces stress and irritation, increases confidence, fosters a positive outlook, and just in general improves your mental and physical health!

It’s a great way to start the day in terms of productivity levels and end the day to create a nice sense of calm.

7. Note good things that happen during the day

This is a new one for me this year but I’m really enjoying it.

You could use a notebook to make your notes or, like myself, use the notes app in your phone!

I note down literally anything that brings a smile to my face, that I’m grateful for that day, something that I’m proud of etc etc.

It’s really nice to look back on and has resulted in a far more positive outlook for me; it also makes me realise just how many good things are going on in my life, no matter how small!

8. 3 meals a day and as much water as possible 

Your body needs food, your body needs water, that is all, please eat and drink.

Nah but seriously, eating 3 meals a day and drinking water provides me with way more energy than I would have otherwise - don’t forget these things just because you’re so focused on your studying!

9. Lacking motivation for work? Try and be productive in ways other than studying!

Sometimes you just don’t feel like studying, and that’s perfectly okay!

As long as it’s not a constant occurrence, sometimes I’ll just take some time off to be productive in other ways - maybe I’ll read a book I enjoy, or do my laundry, or tidy my room, or see friends, and so on and so forth.

There may even be the odd day where you just want to stay cuddled up in bed and watch a film, and as long as this doesn’t happen all the time either, that’s fine too!

10. Breaks

I cannot stress the importance of breaks enough.

They improve your learning ability, relax the mind, enhance the amount of information you take in…and as a result of all this, lead to better results!

You should take a break when you start to feel restless and unable to concentrate, when you aren’t taking in anything that you’re studying or honestly, when you feel like you just need to take a break!

Ideally I’d say to try and study for at least 25 minutes before having a break (google the Pomodoro technique if you struggle to focus on your studies!), but if you need to start with less time and build your way up, that’s perfectly fine too - find what works for you!

Examples of things I do on my breaks include all of the things on this list (although be careful with getting some sleep - take a little nap if you need to, but try not to nap for too long!).

I hope this post is helpful my dears! Take care of yourselves!

Mollie xxx

p.s. if you have anything to add to this list, please do feel free!

[instantlit]

Mid-Year Book Freak Out Tag

I went back and forth a lot on whether or not I want to do this tag this year. I did it last year on another blog and I remember really enjoying it and, I don’t know, I couldn’t summon the same enthusiasm as last year? I know, weird. But anyway, here it is.

 So, against all expectations, I’ve actually read 3 more books than last year: a total of 19 books for the first half of the year, which is freaking amazing for me. I’ve set the exact same Reading Goal on Goodreads for 2018, which is 25 books, and I’m already more than halfway through. I usually don’t want to focus too much on the numbers because it takes the joy out of reading, but knowing that I’m way ahead of schedule allows me a bit more breathing room, which leads me to pick some books that I probably wouldn’t have picked otherwise or, at least, not at that moment. I’ve also had some very impulsive buys, because I went to Shakespeare & Company on a rare day where there wasn’t that much people in the shop? Like, wow! And also, because I went to London and visited Daunt Books, so I couldn’t leave empty-handed. For better or for worse.  

 So anyway, here’s my recap for the first half of 2018!  

1 | Best book 1st half of 2018

I’m actually having a hard time choosing. It’s a complete change from last year because I’ve read very different books and not much Fantasy, which I usually stick pretty faithfully to. In the end, I’m choosing Pachinko by Min Jin Lee. It’s not a perfect book, but it had such an impact on me, it’s one of those books that you keep thinking about even weeks or months after you’ve finished it. It was moving, incredibly ambitious and powerful in its own quiet way. It would be hard to recommend but I wish everyone would read it.

 I also want to do a quick shout-out to The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt, because I love her and I love her writing style, and I can’t not mention this book in my Mid-Year Freak Out.

 2 | Best sequel 1st half of 2018

Okay so, like, I’m cheating a bit here. I haven’t read many series so far, I’ve mostly stuck to stand-alones, but I don’t want to keep mentioning V.E. Schwab whenever I have to answer this question so, this time, I’m going with Circe by Madeline Miller. I know, it’s not technically a sequel (I did say I was cheating), but the story happens in the same universe as the Song of Achilles, part of it even happens at the same time, so I’m sticking with this answer. And, anyway, the main reason I’m choosing this is because it’s such a nice progression to go from the Song of Achilles to Circe, because the universe is expanded (since we go from a mortal’s perspective to a god’s) but also because the writing is so much better. I seriously can’t wait to get my hands on another one of her retellings.    

 3 | Must-read new release 1st half of 2018 (released 1st half)

I’ve got a bunch, not as much as I thought I would, but they’re still there. I don’t know when I’ll get around to reading them, though, because my pile of books at the moment is a little too big for my taste.

In any case, here they are:

-          All Out: The No-Longer-Secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages, which is collection of short stories all featuring queer characters. Mackenzi Lee wrote one, who you’ll recognize as the author of The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue, which I loved last year, and I’m excited to read Shaun David Hutchinson’s story as well, since I read one of his book this year and absolutely loved it.

-          The City of Lost Fortunes by Bryan Camp, which was sold to me as beautifully-written magical realism reminiscent of the Night Circus. What more could I want?

-          The Poppy War by R.F. Kuang, which I probably almost missed out on, but I’m really into Asian cultures at the moment and I’ve read some really great reviews which make it seem more than your typical historical YA, so I’m excited to get to it.

-          Us Against You by Fredrick Backman, the unexpected sequel to Beartown, which was one of my favorite books last year!

 4 | Most anticipated release 2nd half

Ah, so many! I’m just realizing that the majority of my most anticipated 2018 releases are happening in the second half. So, to only name a few:

-          Check Please! by Ngozi Ukazu. I’ve been a fan of the webcomic for years so I’m really excited and proud that she got the chance to publish her work. I really want to have this story on paper, in my hands!

-          Vengeful by V.E. Schwab. I’ll sort of have to reread Vicious beforehand because, while I have a good memory of the book, I remember the experience not being super pleasant because I found the characters so annoying and unlikable. Anyway, I’m excited for the sequel, I want to see where she’s taking the story.

-          City of Ghost by V.E. Schwab. She’s very productive, isn’t she? I just know that it involves ghost and that the story takes place in Edinburgh. She just gets me.

-          Muse of Nightmare by Laini Taylor. Strange the Dreamer was one of the biggest surprises of last year as well as one of my favorite books of the year so, of course, I’m excited to read the conclusion to this amazing story.

-          Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik. Okay but, like, Uprooted is one of my favorite books of all time, so I really hope that this one is up to the task.

5 ­| Biggest disappointment

It’s not the book I’ve given the lowest rating to so far but, considering the history I have with John Green, I think its place as my biggest disappointment of the year is justified: it’s Turtles All the Way Down. The hype certainly didn’t help but, more than that, I felt it was lacking something, some spark, something more. Or maybe I’m just getting too old for John Green and I just have to accept it but, your oldest ties aren’t the easiest to break…

6 | Biggest surprise

My Lady Jane by Cynthia Hand (among others). I had my reservations about it, even if I thought I could like it. I thought it would be too YA, that it wouldn’t be as funny as everyone said it was. Well, I didn’t need to worry because it’s probably my most fun read of this first half of 2018. It was light and fluffy and hilarious. 100% would recommend.

7 | Favorite debut/new author

Can I say Shaun David Hutchinson? Because We Are the Ants is a book that had me shook. The writing in itself didn’t have anything really special, but the story and the way it was told was so moving and raw and real. I don’t know what his other books are like, but I’d be willing to try them out.

8 ­| Newest fictional crush

Not gonna lie, I was crushing a bit on Noa from Pachinko, even though it wasn’t the purpose of this book at all. But like, if one of your characters is a talented, smart young man with lots of insecurities and a tragic path, then you can definitely expect me to fall halfway in love with him. It’s just the way it is, I don’t make the rules.    

 9 | Newest favorite character

Circe because she’s everything I could ever want from a female character: she’s strong and fierce and flawed and insecure and loyal and vicious and naïve and wise. She was really well-written, okay?!

10 | A book that made you cry

Pachinko, again, because you follow all these different lives for such a long time. I was just really emotional at times. Also, because of Noa.

 11 | A book that made you happy

Opal by Maggie Stiefvater. I don’t know what the next series is going to be like, but I know that I need more Ronan and more Pynch in my life. I’m glad I got a small dose through this short story. I’m alive again!

12 | Most beautiful book

The prettiest covers, hands down, are Circe and All the Crooked Saints.    

   13 | TBR for the rest of 2018 (books you still need to read)

So many! I’m currently reading All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr, which is not exactly a light summer read, but I’m enjoying it so far, and Stardust by Neil Gaiman. It’s not often that I read several books at once, but Stardust is super short and I want to finish both by the end of my vacation, so…

After that, I’m heading towards Radio Silence by Alice Oseman (another impulsive buy). People have given me high hopes and there’s a really diverse cast of characters, so I’m really hoping I’ll love it.

And then, I’ll try to finish the rest of my last book batches: The Thirteenth Tale, The Shadow of the Wind, Station Eleven and The Lies of Locke Lamora. Pretty big pile, I know!

 Wish me luck!

[aion-rsa]

In First Become Ashes, K.M. Szpara Makes Us Wonder if Magic is Real

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

K.M. Szpara‘s debut Docile was one of the most binge-able, divisive reads of 2020. A near-future drama set in a world in debt crisis (imagine that), Docile explores the violence of capitalism at the most intimate of interpersonal levels, as we follow Elisha as he sells himself to trillionaire Alex in order to pay off his family’s debts. With Docile, Szpara, a queer and trans Baltimore-based author, proved himself willing to dive into some complex, culturally loaded subjects to tell a science fiction story that reflects some central yet ignored truths about our contemporary society. For me, a White reader, the ways in which Docile works outweigh it doesn’t (one major criticism: the book’s avoidance of addressing America’s real-life history of slavery), but this will be different for every reader.

In his second book, First, Becomes Ashes (out today!), Szpara is similarly ambitious in topic and theme. Ashes is a standalone novel that takes place in the aftermath of the destruction of a maybe-magical cult, following four different characters caught up in the messy repercussions of the FBI’s raiding of the Fellowship of the Anointed. Much of the novel’s early perspective comes from Lark, an almost 25-year-old who believes wholeheartedly in the teachings of cult leader Nova, and that he has been chosen to learn magic and martial arts in order to hunt the monsters that ravage the world outside the Fellowship gates. Like Docile, it’s a startlingly unique premise. Despite having four separate POV characters, Ashes is able to maintain a mystery around some of the fundamental truths of this world, leaving the reader to wonder if magic exists in this world or not.

Den of Geek: Where did the inspiration for the book that would become First, Become Ashes begin?

K.M. Szpara: The idea hit me like a comeback three hours too late! I’ve always been interested in cults and faith and belonging. As a speculative fiction author, I had to give it a fantasy twist. Magic is something many of us have wished for since childhood. What if it was real—and then what if we were told it wasn’t?  

This book has several POV characters, but you very much begin with Lark’s POV. Can you talk about how you went about deciding who would be POV characters and how you came up with the pacing for expanding the perspective-scope of this story?

One of my favorite ways to create tension is to show how different people experience the same event(s). Ashes shows dissolution of a cult from four points of view. Two “privileged” members who are Anointed—one a believer and one a doubter. One member who is a Fellow, a regular layperson. One outsider who has dreamed of having the magic the Anointed claim. Each of these characters experienced life differently before and after the Fellowship’s dissolution and they’re all tied together in deeply personal emotional ways. The pacing really comes down to knowing how to choose each chapter’s POV. And for me, it’s which character will be most effected by an event. For example, Lark performs healing magic on himself in front of Calvin. Though Lark is the one being healed and performing magic, it’s Calvin who’s seeing magic up close for the first time. It’s Calvin who’s wanted magic his whole life and is inches from it. That’s what drives the story forward.

Something you do in both Docile and Ashes that I love is give us a POV character who is an outsider to a world the reader will most likely recognize and then offer Nacirema-esque observation from that protagonist-outsider. Is this something you do intentionally? Why are you interested in telling stories in this way?

I had not heard of Nacirema until this question, but I love this observation! For anyone else hearing this for the first time, a cursory Google tells me that the term Nacirema is “American” spelled backwards and is a term used in sociology and anthropology to show distance while studying people in the United States of America. (I’m not a social scientist—amateur Googler over here!) I use outsider characters in this way because I want readers to see how aspects of their lives mirror the characters’ lives, how our society mirrors these harmful fictional societies. It’s easy to read about a cult and think you would never be drawn in, but that happens to people like you and me—and there are aspects of the U.S. that are cultish but not named in that way. I want people to see how they have been drawn in, how hard it is to unlearn and escape that harm. Because sometimes it looks and feels like magic and that’s all you’ve ever wanted.

I love all of the fandom explanation and outsider observation in this book. Why did you want to have a fan character like Calvin as such a central part of this story, and how did you want to depict fandom more generally?

When I think about who would be deeply invested in magic being real, it’s people like me who grew up reading SFF, wishing I’d walk through a portal to another world—even though the stories that took place in them were full of danger. There was magic! I’ve joked with friends that if one of them texted to tell me a real wizard or vampire or werewolf was in their house, I would absolutely drop everything and go to them. I want to see! I want to lift the veil! That’s what Lilian does when her BFF Calvin texts that an Anointed member of the Fellowship is in their hotel room.

But that doesn’t mean Calvin’s motivations are pure and good—nor are they malicious! Like fandom, he’s imperfect. He wants magic and monsters to be real so badly that he’s sometimes willing to hurt others in pursuit of his dreams. Though Calvin doesn’t represent fandom as a whole—what one person could?—I did want to show someone who’s helpful and harmful, family-friendly and sexy, successful and unfulfilled. Complicated, like most of us and our interests are!

A central tension of Ashes is the mystery of if Lark’s magic is real, which creates this experience as a reader of not totally understanding as you’re reading what genre the book itself even is—is it speculative fiction or is it something else? It was a really unique reading experience, and led me to wonder as I was reading if and why I cared about classifying it. What a cool use of the “unreliable” narrator! Can you talk about creating and sustaining this tension/mystery and what you wanted to do with it?

It was difficult! Whether magic appears successful depends on the chapter’s POV character and its place within the arc. Sometimes a spell’s result is instant and sometimes it’s implied. Often faith is the difference. In that way we’re all unreliable narrators—everyone is only telling their own truth as they see it, as they’ve been raised and taught to see it. I wanted to keep readers wondering, not just for the thrill of “is magic real?” but why they’re asking. Who do they believe—who do they want to believe? Does it matter who’s “right”? Why? Read and answer for yourself! Ashes is a fantasy novel… if you want it to be.

Were the in-universe discussion of preferred pronouns always part of this story and the culture of the Fellowship? 

Yes. Cults don’t exist because they seem unattractive and survivors often have at least some fond memories. I wanted to create a place that felt somewhat harmonious and fruitful, which included the ability to find and be yourself with full acceptance. Something I wish existed outside of my imaginary cult, as well!

Both Ashes and Docile depict experiences and topics that are very sensitive for many readers—i.e. abuse, rape, and sadomasochism—and that therefore most “mainstream” authors either shy away from completely or depict very superficially. Why are you interested in exploring these themes in your storytelling? What conclusions, if any, are you hoping for readers to come away with in relation to these themes specifically?

Firstly, no authors are required to deal with such heavy topics. I choose to; they’re common experiences and I’m not interested in glossing over them. I want to show how rape and abuse and conditioning affect people both in the moment and long after. And the sadomasochism in Ashes is not a depiction of a healthy S&M experience, but that’s not to imply that S&M is inherently unhealthy—because it absolutely can be! And lots of real people experiment with and engage in various forms of BDSM, sometimes healthy, sometimes not. I’m not writing guidebooks or after-school specials. My goal is not to portray perfect relationships or characters taking all the right steps. It is to show emotional truths. To portray how complicated and messy people are and reality is when it comes to traumatic situations.

It’s interesting to me that you use 25 as the coming-of-age age in this story. Can you talk about why you made that decision?

Ages like eighteen and twenty-one only mean something because we have decided they do. The Fellowship doesn’t operate by our rules, so I chose twenty-five, which felt like a natural milestone as a quarter century. Additionally, I wanted those leaving the Fellowship on their quests to be young adults (not in the publishing category sense) who were old enough to consider themselves competent but not so old that they’d had a lot of time as an adult to reflect on their experiences. A lot is ingrained in children and teenagers and I personally spent a lot of my early twenties both learning more and new information about myself and the world, but also unlearning some of the harmful aspects I’d absorbed from my younger years. It’s a time when many are figuring out their place in the world as independent adults, for the first time, not unlike the Anointed going out on their quests.

Are there things you especially learned in the writing and publishing of Docile that inspired how you wrote and edited this story?

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It was nice to edit a book having already done so once because the mystery was gone—but that didn’t make it any easier! Second books are their own brand of tricky—and I like to try new things with craft, to push myself, which is fun but also stressful. There is a feeling of both familiarity while writing a second book, and also fear that maybe you wrote that first book my accident somehow and will never be able to do it again. Luckily, I have an awesome team at Tordotcom Publishing and they saw me through it, again. 

First, Become Ashes is now available to buy wherever books are sold, including via Tor.com.

Note: First, Become Ashes contains explicit sadomasochism and sexual content, as well as abuse and consent violations, including rape.

The post In First Become Ashes, K.M. Szpara Makes Us Wonder if Magic is Real appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[citizenaycock]

The Master (2012) | Written and Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson

Intro and Technical Details

I try to figure out why I gravitate to certain films.  Most of the time, it’s after someone asks me what my favorites are. I tell them, and then 90% of the time they don’t understand why I like those particular films. I’ve asked myself if it’s just some kind of wanna-be elitist, cinephile phoniness or something...but that’s not it.  The reason I love films like The Master is due to their elusiveness.  The Master shows you an approximate direction, but doesn’t overtly tell you what the answer is. In my eyes, this places it in a special category of cinema which is mysterious and often transcendent.  It has something profound to say about us as humans and morphs with each viewing.  It is alive because it doesn’t spoon-feed you an agenda or proposed concrete “truth” or “moral lesson”. My goal in this post is to take what I know and implement my personal thoughts and film knowledge to try to gain a better understanding of what this film is.  This is my third post analyzing a film of my choosing.  The first was about two women (Persona), the second was about a man and a woman (Cold War) and The Master is about two men. When people ask me what my favorite movie is, I tell them The Master by Paul Thomas Anderson.  This is also PTA’s favorite film of his own.  I remember the first time I watched it was at the NoHo Laemlle Theater a couple of blocks from where I live, right off of Magnolia, which happens to be the title of the first Paul Thomas Anderson film I ever watched.  But while watching The Master that day in the theater, I remember feeling lost and dumb.  I knew A LOT was happening but I didn’t know what. It left me behind.    As a short filmmaker, when I first started (around the time The Master came out) I would just have stuff in my films (images, sounds, lines, etc) that were superfluous and didn’t have any legitimate reason for existing.  My intentions were good...I was trying to create an atmosphere, even though a lot of the attempted atmosphere didn’t connect to the story or the idea being examined.  I think it’s because a lot of the movies I was watching during that time I didn’t understand.  I didn’t know why the director was making the detailed choices he or she was making.  I still don’t always know the reason, but I do have a better idea. I must’ve thought these choices were just there spontaneously or by accident...for style-sake maybe!  I was just going along the ride without consciously considering the nuanced decisions the director or actors were making.  And oddly enough, this particular film is about a cult called “The Cause” and every cult’s main philosophy-based objective (in some odd form or fashion) seems to be to awaken your consciousness to yourself and/or to reality.  If one is a film lover, and is so inclined to dig into this film, I believe one must watch consciously to understand it and not just go on the ride.  And at first glance, one might make the mistake of thinking there is no rhyme or reason for certain moments, but Anderson is a filmmaker that does a vast amount of research and is very aware of what he’s packing in there.  A literary example (which is much more elusive) is Finnegan’s Wake by James Joyce.  Many believe Joyce was just goofing around with words, but if you read Joseph Campbell’s Skeleton Key or do some independent research on each phrase and term (if you have 10 years), one will realize there is meaning within the puns and riddles and melding-words. Finnegan’s Wake is a circular book and I believe The Master is a circular film.  Finnegan begins again and I believe Freddie begins again.   Roger Ebert gave the film 2.5 out of 4 stars and I love the first two sentences of his review: “Paul Thomas Anderson’s "The Master" is fabulously well-acted and crafted, but when I reach for it, my hand closes on air. It has rich material and isn't clear what it thinks about it.”   Of course, I disagree mostly.  I agree that the material is rich, but I think it’s clear what it thinks about itself more than Ebert thinks...and I’ll elaborate on this opinion throughout this detailed post.  The next sentence in the review (after the quote above) is about how the Dodd character is based on L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology, but how in the film there is no clear vision of what the cult is or what it becomes.  I believe we see quite a bit of what it is and we see that it has expanded to England by the end of the film.  The film never lays out the exact tenets of the cult in list form, but Dodd himself is making it up as he goes along and this is expressed multiple times in the film.  I also believe enough is revealed to get a fairly good idea of the cult’s philosophy and the methods being used for “curing”. Also, in my opinion, I don’t think understanding “The Cause” is entirely relevant to what the film is trying to say.  The film is mainly about the symbiotic relationship of the two main characters, Freddie and Lancaster.   I rewatched There Will be Blood last night (Anderson’s film before The Master) and the thought came to me that you have to watch the expressions of the characters closely during these films and follow what’s happening inside of them.  This seems so obvious to point out, and could definitely apply to any film-watching experience, but the acting in Anderson’s films is so strong and subtle one will be lost unless you watch the silent moments and what the faces show you. I'm really trying to pick the right words to express this...but you have to consciously tell yourself while watching (in your thoughts) what’s happening with these complex characters if you want to understand the transitions. I don’t think the camera movements are as important in The Master nor the lighting, but it’s the characters’ internal life expressed in their faces manifesting from their psychological states, needs and wants.  Of course, Freddie’s gait is a big part of his character and various body language from the all the characters are  important, but their faces tell you most of the story. Also, I believe some knowledge of Spiritualism is needed to bring to the table, but I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary to understand what the film is trying to say.    But anyway, perhaps I’m over-explaining too soon.  I was trying to figure out how movies like this get away from people (including me) and cause so much confusion.   The last time I saw the film was about 6 months ago at The Egyptian Theatre in Hollywood where the premiere was in 2012.  The screening I saw may have been the same 70mm print from the premiere, but I could be wrong.  I just tend to think there’s not too many 70mm copies out there.  The Master was the first fiction film in 16 years to be shot in 65mm and then 5mm is added for the audio track.  I didn’t know for a long time the reason why such a big film stock made a difference, but apparently it’s because more information can fit on each frame, therefore it’s crisper and more details can be seen...which makes it epic and ambitious and a filmmaker is really swinging for the fences if they use this big stock! Anyway, there was quite a large crowd at the Egyptian and I remember laughing at a few spots where no one else was and kinda had to pull myself back.  I also remember noticing a lot of things I hadn’t noticed before and I’m sure this will be the case when I rewatch it again for this post. Before getting into the film, I'd also like to mention I will probably come off as a bit of a fan boy in this excerpt.  It is because I believe Paul Thomas Anderson is one of the best filmmakers in the world of the past 25 years and has much to teach in a field that I’m passionate about.  Also, I believe The Master is a master-piece and there are new interpretations of depth and reference that I am still uncovering (or think I’m uncovering).

Freddie Quell, Navy Man at Sea

The opening shot is of aqua blue water behind the back of a ship, which is also the dominant color in the palette of the film and the color I think of when I think about the film.  Johnny Greenwood’s score crashes in and then we see the first shot of Freddie Quell in a bunker with a military helmet on.  I can’t remember where I read it but Paul Thomas Anderson told Joaquin Phoenix to mimic the monkey in the hot spring from the documentary Baraka for this shot, which also coincidentally was filmed in 65mm.  I’m sure it's partly a nod to the film’s use of the same stock size, but I also think it's covertly setting us up for Freddie’s animal-like nature...or pointing to the animal-like nature of war and how this particular primate, Freddie, is expected to change his entire behavior, which is attempted by Lancaster Dodd throughout the film.  Simplistically put, Freddie indulges in his animal nature.  Dodd denies it.  A dichotomy that will also act as a magnet between the two throughout the film and something that I will point out several times.    Also, we wonder if war broke Freddie or was Freddie already broken? Or is he actually “broken” at all??  

We immediately see that Freddie drinks heavily and how he is markedly different from the other soldiers in the group.  He takes things too far and is much cruder than the others.  He drunkenly simulates sex with the nude sand woman the guys have made and then masterbates into the ocean.  He then lays down and closes his eyes next to the sand sculpture bosom, almost oedipal-like, sweetly spooning its side.  This exact same image will pop up again and I believe it holds a large significance in the key to understanding the film.  

It is next revealed Freddie can make booze out of pretty much anything as he drains what looks to be the ship’s missile fuel into a cup.  This also seems to be Freddie’s way of making friends with the other troops, as it is simultaneously announced that World War II is over.   The camera scans the room and shows all the interesting yet shell-shocked faces of the troops as it’s explained to them by their superior they are now able to enter the world.  They are told they can now open up their own businesses with the skills they’ve acquired.  This doesn’t come off so much as anti-war, but obviously points out that a lot of these men are damaged psychologically, and the military either comes off as naive or willfully ignorant regarding the mental state of the guys entering the world post-service.  This is magnified by a comical scene of Freddie sitting in a room with a hardened military psychologist who shows him rorschach blots as Freddie interprets every single one as extremely sexual.  Phoenix is amazing in these closeups and the camera is able to hold on him for long periods of time.  This was after his fake retirement from acting and I think he was hungry for this film.  His face is gnarled with lines. He has this mumble that’s slightly distracting but makes you lean in as he moves in and out of the camera’s shallow depth of focus.  This film has so many closeups and doesn’t include the long steadi-cam and dolly shots like in Boogie Nights or There Will be Blood.  The comical scene is followed by a sad scene showing us that Freddie has some real psychological pain.  He talks little and very uncomfortably to another military psychologist about his family and an old sweetheart.  Freddie mumbles, “you can’t help me” and later sarcastically says, “thanks for the help”.  Later on we wonder if Dodd gives him real help opposed to these psychologists.

Freddie Enters the World

Freddie has a job as a photographer in a department store.  The portraits look lovely. The song underneath during this scene is perfect (”Get thee Behind Me, Satan” by Ella Fitzgerald). 

Freddie flirts with a woman that models clothes for customers.  He later then mixes some of his potion in a photo-chemical room like an Alchemist. They both drink from the flask and then kiss.  She shows him her breasts.  Freddie asks her to go out that night, which cuts to Freddie passed out drunk at the restaurant table and the woman annoyed.  

The next day Freddie is hung over at work and gets into a fight with a large male photo client.  Freddie comically runs from the man and throws various items at him while dodging and weaving behind columns.  The camera covers the commotion in wide shot in the department store so well! Then Freddie does something peculiar and funny by grabbing the hand of the model (his date from the night before) like he’s leaving the job and she’s coming with him.  She looks at him baffled as they hurry out.   Music comes in perfectly here (once again) with a jagged discontinuity of woodwinds which takes us to Freddie now working in a lettuce field in Salinas, California.  The shift to this new, vastly different environment is dreamlike.  Freddie continues to make booze and gives some to an older man that Freddie says looks like his father.  The man gets ungodly drunk and Freddie is run out of the work group after being accused of poisoning the man, which leads to one of my favorite shots of the film.  It is a long tracking shot of Freddie running through a foggy field away from the workers chasing him.  I liked it so much I tried to slightly copy it while shooting a silly annual family short film in a cotton field in Texas, also running away from farmers.   And worth mentioning (assuming my short film is worth mentioning), I remember reading somewhere that Paul Thomas Anderson read about the life of John Steinbeck (from Salinas, CA) and incorporated some of the stories in The Master. 

The Master (2012) Paul Thomas Anderson (Panavision 65mm)

The Jackel (2016) Cory Aycock (Canon 7D Crop Sensor)

Freddie Meets “The Cause”

Next, it cuts directly to Freddie walking on a dock, looking cold and dejected. In the distance is a boat docked with a lively party and warm lighting.  Music plays and we get our first glimpse of Lancaster Dodd. He dances charismatically with his wife in the middle of an admiring group as Freddie, the misfit loner, decides to sneak onto the boat.  The boat is then shown setting out to sea, which looks to be departing from San Francisco under the Bay Bridge.  

The next morning, Freddie is hungover and has a humorous conversation with Lancaster, the leader of “The Cause”. Such a great opening scene with these two and Phillip Seymour Hoffman is so great in this role.  I think it’s his best performance...but I’m biased. As mentioned, the conversation is humorous, but not funny-haha.  Again, I will try to explain as best I can what I feel when watching some of these scenes... They talk in such a way, not necessarily about funny stuff, but they are such characters and there’s such chemistry it puts a smile on your face.  You see the inner-game they are both playing and it’s delightful to watch.  They are opposites, which creates this lively synthesis and makes you laugh sometimes, but also gives you such a large mindscape to enter during these rich, concentrated dialogue sessions.   In this first conversation, Lancaster and Freddie both mention that the other seems familiar, which comes back later.  Their association is sweet yet ridiculous at times.  A likable naivety exists, but also a sense of intrigue and darkness lies underneath. Dodd tells Freddie, “I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist, a theoretical philosopher...but above all I am a man...A hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you.”  And shortly after calls Freddie a scoundrel, but asks him to make more of his secret booze.        A young Rami Malek, Clark, pops up next in the film and is marrying Lancaster’s daughter, Elizabeth.  The first interaction we see between Hoffman and Malek feels like a Tom Cruise-like stareoff.  Malek stares until Hoffman ducks his head in slight awkwardness.  This trivial detail always catches my attention and I’m not sure why. Lancaster gives a speech after the ceremony in triangular blocking.  This is my favorite speech of Dodd’s in the film.  He is at his most charismatic and funny here, in my opinion, and touches on some of the philosophies of “The Cause” in symbolic terms.  He talks about lassoing a dragon and then teaching it stay, then roll over and play dead. I’m almost positive this serves as a metaphor for taming the ego and/or reactionary mind, then learning how to navigate life playfully following this “enlightenment”.  Freddie shifts in his drunkeness from confusion to laughter while continuing to compulsively drink all the alcohol in sight counter to the simultaneous speech.  

Although, Lancaster loves Freddie’s booze and, again, secretly asks for some after the speech.  Freddie’s process of procuring this solution is somewhat like a mad alchemist and shown multiple times in the film. To me, this could metaphorically point to some type of alchemy forming between the two opposite characters considering the psychological and metaphysical tone of the film. It is also revealed the next morning by Amy Adams’ character, Peggy (Dodd’s wife), that Freddie inspires something in Dodd and he has been writing much more since Freddie showed up.  Peggy has asked Freddie to sit with her at breakfast, possibly to see what it is about him that could possibly spark this insight in her husband.  Despite this, I don’t think Peggy sees anything special in Freddie and doesn’t understand their relationship for the remainder of the film.  Actually no one, besides maybe Elizabeth, sees anything worthy in Freddie at all other than Dodd.  I believe this is because Freddie fills a unique gap within Dodd.    I will expand on this more later, but to me it’s obvious Freddie is filling the gap of the id.  Freddie is a scoundrel, an open drunk, a philanderer and a wanderer.  These are things Dodd isn’t.  He forbids himself of being this and Freddie is counter to this persona of Dodd’s, who is a leader, married and always ON.  He is relied upon by his followers, always maintaining his status as prophet for the cult...perhaps the superego. Soon it is revealed there are “processing” sessions occurring on the ship, recording “past lives”.  Everything is being put on tape of what people are saying during these sessions.  Freddie humorously navigates the ship during all of this.  At one point he sits at a table and puts on some headphones and it’s Lancaster’s voice deliberately stating,  “We are not animals.”  “We are not a part of the animal kingdom.” Simultaneously, Freddie looks across the table at a young woman and passes her a dirty sexual note.  She goes back to work as Freddie watches her.  The sun behind him shines through the window and perfectly peaks behind Freddie’s head.  This is what I meant at the beginning of the post...the film is showing you something regarding the ideas it is trying to express.  In this moment it’s not necessarily just in the face of the character, but in what Dodd says in the headphones in direct opposition to Freddie’s sexual note and then the sun winking at us from behind. For some reason, it makes me cringe to analyze some of these moments... demystifying and deflating the “magic” of these details.   

The distinction of “animal” pops up periodically a few more times in the film on the account of Dodd. Again, Freddie (the animal) and Lancaster (the divine) forming a fully whole being.  Now, at the 36 minute mark, the best scene between two actors sitting across from each other at a table I’ve ever seen.  It reminds me a bit of the scene in Persona where the two women sit across the table from one another when they meld. They also repeat the dialogue here like in Persona and Dodd dresses down Freddie similar to Alma’s dressing down of Elisabet.  The face lighting in this scene is also similar, half-lighting the characters but in a dark Charlie Rose-like room directly counter to the white background in Persona.   The scene begins by Freddie being processed after a drink with Lancaster.  Lancaster asks him probing questions about his life and records it.  The scene is funny, dark, raw and nuanced.  I can’t say enough about this scene, there is so much here.  Phoenix moves and looks around.  Hoffman stays still, centered, not breaking eye contact.   The first time around, Freddie doesn’t take it seriously and farts in the middle of them talking.  Lancaster playfully calls him a “silly animal” and ends the processing session soon after by turning off the recorder.  Freddie seems disappointed and wants to do it again. Lancaster sets up the rules this time and tells him he is not allowed to blink during the questioning. Freddie agrees.  In somewhat Mesiner-like fashion they continue the exercise in a long closeup on Freddie.  Phoenix is amazing here and at one points slaps his face multiple times after he blinks.  They start over.  Tears roll down his face.  Apparently Freddie is severely troubled by his family past and recalls a sexual relationship he had with his Aunt.  Then he reveals he was in love with a girl in his hometown named Dorris.  It beautifully cuts from the black, heavy room to a bright sunny day and the white house where Dorris lives with colorful flowers in front.  This is a beautiful contrasting cut by Anderson transporting us.  Also, worth pointing out, is the contrast of how silly the scene started with farts and laughter, then taking us to this this deep, heavy pain within Freddie.

This is a unifying scene for Freddie and Lancaster.  And despite what we think about the legitimacy of the cult, some type of deep psychological progress with Freddie is being made here...a progress that was not even close to being accomplished with the military psychologists.   Or is this “progress”?  Feels like it.   As Freddie comes back from the flashback, it cuts to the aqua blue water again, similar to the opening shot of the film, perhaps personifying Freddie’s current mental state.  The color of Freddie’s shirt also matches the color of the water.

Again, there is a charming naivety within Lancaster regarding “The Cause” during his far-fetched final questioning lightening the mood before the two have a drink and smoke a Kool together.

Funny outtakes at the end of the scene.

Obviously, Dodd is modeled after L. Ron Hubbard, but I don’t think it's a nasty rebuke or hit piece, nor is it an exact replica.  I read Anderson and Tom Cruise remained friends after Anderson showed it to him.  If one thinks it’s mainly a film about Scientology then they are absolutely wrong.  It’s evident Anderson loves these characters in spite of all their flaws and complications.  Dodd remains a believer of his own philosophy throughout the film, which I think keeps him likable.  You also believe throughout he wants to help Freddie, even though some of that motivation may be ego-based or material for his writing.  He is misguided at times but cannot be broadly painted good or bad and does not come off as maliciously pumping out nonsense solely for monetary gain.  You believe he believes. 

Sea-Legs to Landlocked

The ship now arrives at New York City and the group attends a fancy party at a home.  You get the feeling this new spiritual movement is in vogue.  Freddie goes straight for the booze and also begins stealing random stuff around the house.  Lancaster schmoozes, then is shown performing a processing exercise for a woman laying on the couch for the party crowd.  This last time watching, I got the feeling Dodd was curious what she would say and that every session he conducts he secretly sees as an experiment, collecting more data for himself rather than having a fully realized philosophy or completed methodology.  

I’ve read Dianetics, so I do believe I have more insight into what’s going on in some of these scenes than a regular viewer.  Although, I also believe the information is already there in the scenes if one pays close enough attention. And I’ll say it again, “The Cause” is not a carbon copy of Scientology.  But, to generalize, the quest of both seems to be the same...to reach a state of “perfect” (or “clear”) by cutting through past traumatic memories and lifetimes (when the “analytic mind” was unconscious) in order to tame the current reactive mind. After processing, the woman on the couch talks about her past life and Dodd answers some of her questions.  Then, a naysayer from the party verbally challenges the legitimacy of Dodd’s claims.  "The Cause” is no longer confined to the vacuum chamber that is their boat.  Dodd raises his voice in anger and Peggy looks visibly rattled as well.  Lancaster eventually loses his cool after the naysayer continues to not back down and calls him a “Pigfuck”, which makes me laugh every time.  This is the first time we see Dodd lose his composure in the film.  Freddie is observing off to the side and throws a tomato at the guy, probably something Dodd wishes he could do.  The party guest is obviously convinced there is no way to have a logical discussion regarding “The Cause” with Dodd and he’s right.

A quick aside and personal story...the actor playing the Party Guest Naysayer is named Christopher Evan Welch.  I briefly worked backstage at the Mark Taper Forum in Downtown Los Angeles and Christopher was one of the actors in a play when I was working there.  During one of the shows, while waiting for his time to go back on stage, he sat with me for a while and asked me questions about what I wanted to do in the business and where I was from, etc.  I was still pretty green.  I remembered him being very nice and authentic. This must have been around the time he worked on The Master because it was in early 2012. The next year I found out that he died suddenly of Cancer. Hoffman died not too long after.  Very sad.  The full scene is below with Welch and Hoffman:

Dodd and Peggy are upset now in their room after this fiasco.  Dodd writes furiously as Peggy speaks, putting words to their anger, completely flabbergasted by this mild rebuke. The whole group is bent out of shape, shaken by this challenge.  Freddie, next door, elects to take Rami Malek’s character (Clark) to the naysayer’s room to rough him up and they do (or Freddie does).  

The next day Dodd pretends to scold Freddie, but it’s obvious he’s glad he did it.  Again, Freddie being the id that is unrestrained and not held down by social convention in direct opposition to Dodd’s persona.  This is where something similar comes in comparable to Scientology, because Scientologists are known to go after naysayers, sometimes aggressively.    The group nows arrives at a large house in Philadelphia belonging to Laura Dern’s character, Helen.  Everyone gets out of the car like a big happy family visiting relatives and you really feel the warmth of their community here.  Different courses and talks are being held at the home.  Dodd’s daughter, Elizabeth, makes a move on Freddie during one of the talks and Freddie resists.  She is a redhead just like his past sweetheart Dorris.  In the previous scene, Freddie was ready to go find the naysayer and Clark seemed apprehensive until Elizabeth gave him a look to go.  She seems to like Freddie’s aggression.  Plus, perhaps, her father’s closeness with Freddie has something to do with this attraction. There are moments when Freddie’s face, with all it’s interesting lines, drifts to another place and the sound completely fades as Anderson holds the shot on Phoenix in closeup.  Anderson does tons of planning and research, but you get the feeling on the day during filming he’s constantly looking to catch moments of spontaneity and it seems this choice to hold on Phoenix during this particular moment is a good example.

Freddie continues to get completely wasted alone amongst the others, shown during a party as Lancaster sings and holds court.     The scene afterwards always makes me laugh really hard (no pun intended) when Peggy jerks Lancaster off in the sink while making him agree not to drink anymore of Freddie’s booze.  She continues to jerk and tells Lancaster if he’s going to cheat on her to not let her or anyone else she knows find out.  Lancaster eventually comes and doubles over as he lets out a few violent pleasurable yelps.  This is the closest to the animal side we see of Dodd, and this spirited release may point to the pressure build-up.        Peggy then walks into the dark room where Freddie is passed out and tells him there will be no more boozing. He reluctantly agrees upon waking. Yet the next scene (the next day) shows Freddie continuing to drink heavily on the sneak.  The Philadelphia Police show up at the house suddenly to arrest Dodd for running a medical school without a license.  Dodd gives himself up relatively calmly and in contrast Freddie fights wildly with several police who violently wrestle him to the ground and handcuff him.   Then there is a wonderful scene following, setting up the two protagonists’ contrast in temperament even more when Freddie is hauled in and put in the cell next to Dodd. Dodd is cooly standing still and calmly leaning on his bunk.  Freddie is abruptly being dragged in by four officers, and immediately starts DESTROYING his cell as Dodd just observes.  Dodd possibly feels this rage inside but has elected to consciously watch his rage rather than react as Freddie is.     Then the two get in a hilarious, childish yelling match after Dodd tries to explain to Freddie why he is how he is.  He tells Freddie the cause of his affliction is due to an implant from millions of years ago and that he is asleep (lining up with Scientology).  Freddie isn’t having it and says he’s just making it all up as he goes along, echoing what Dodd’s son said to Freddie on the porch right before the police showed.  Dodd yells back that no one likes Freddie except for him.  Both of the characters have told each other a truth.  Dodd then says he’s done with him and begins peeing in his cell toilet.  Yet Freddie has no pot to piss in because he’s destroyed his cell, including his toilet.  In fact, he may have also destroyed his relationship with Dodd, which would likely mean he will not have a pot to piss in for quite some time.  

During a quick arraignment scene with Dodd, the Judge orders him to repay the $11,000 he took and gives him this look that has so much character and makes me smile every time.  He cuts his eyes up in this humorously scolding way as he simultaneously hits the gavel.   With these great films and directors and actors, you learn that even the smallest scene is packed with so much richness and detail and not wasted!

Dodd is now at the dinner table with his family.  Freddie is still in jail.  The family open up to Dodd voicing their concerns regarding Freddie.  They want him gone.  Dodd says they must try and help Freddie get well, perhaps Dodd trying to find a way to keep him around. Now a wide shot outside of the Philadelphia house.  Dodd is sitting up on the porch with several others and there is a little girl on a tricycle in the foreground below the steps.  Freddie sheepishly approaches the house after being let out of jail like the prodigal son.  Dodd cooly embraces him.  The little girl runs up the steps into the house.  The two men then start wrestling like little boys in the yard, the two halves reconciled, laughing hysterically. 

Freddie Quell, Patient of The Cause

Freddie is now being “treated” and/or administered tests in front of about 30 people in the house to “cure” him. Dodd tells him to go from one end of the room to the other, to feel the wood wall and describe it, then walk over to the glass window, feel it and describe it too.  He continues this over and over.  

Paul Thomas Anderson is a filmmaker that walks in front of you and you have to catch up.  He does this by overloading your mind with scenes that just start and don’t have a lead-up.  You have to wait, then you find out.  The strength of the music, cinematography and acting lays so much subtext in front of you, it can keep you from following what’s actually happening...which, oddly, I feel is part of what great cinema is.  It’s a great distraction...a created atmosphere so thick that one can be swept away by it if they don’t watch out.  For example, the first time I watched this film I thought I had an idea what was happening, then I realized I was wrong, but I had already overthought in the wrong direction so far I became completely lost and just sat there asking myself even more wrong questions in my head about what was going on until the credits rolled.  I did the same thing in the same theater with Inherent Vice a few years later.  In the next scene there is another exercise where Freddie sits across from Clark and is not to react to anything he says, including personal insults.  He cannot react in any way (laugh or talk, etc) or Dodd will start over the exercise.  This reminds me of the Synanon Cult and their ”Attack Therapy”.  The cult used to be located in Santa Monica where the hotel Casa Del Mar is now and I’m sure Anderson had heard of them growing up in LA.  Clark immediately says “Dorris” and Freddie breaks right away, looking to Dodd knowing Dodd told Clark to say this.  Dodd replies, “Fail” and they have to start over.  In my opinion (and I think I’m right) Dodd wants Freddie to get to a point of non-reactivity, possibly closer to a state of “clear”.  All the individual’s insecurities are placed in the forefront consciousness (also why they record everything) and then the individual has to face these thoughts head-on until the past is dealt with and the former traumatic memories no longer abscond the self, opening the individual to infinity.  The individual must face the shadow in other words, becoming whole by “mastering it”...taming the reactive mind or “dragon” as mentioned in Dodd’s speech at the wedding.  Once the dragon is tamed then one can teach it to “roll over and play dead”. Am I being indoctrinated too??

Next, Peggy reads Freddie sexually explicit passages from a book in a Demme-like closeup and Freddie is not supposed to react or say anything.    Dodd excludes Freddie from eating lunch with the group and makes him stay inside the house continuing the exercises where he continually has to walk back and forth and feel the wood wall and window over and over again. Freddie is at a point now where he names the wall and window random things like “moss”, “rocks” and “barbed wire” as he touches them.  My guess is this is an exercise to break down his sense of language....or just break down his mind, because it’s obvious to Dodd he needs to be broken down.  I also think Dodd is using this as an experiment for his methods to see what “works”.   He watches from outside as Freddie, alone, continues to walk back and forth.  The camera pushes in on Dodd and his expression is one of curiosity as well as remorse, yet still barks out orders, “Back again!”.  

Shortly after, he explains to Freddie that it is a slow, hard process and Freddie looks mentally exhausted.  But, eventually, Freddie starts making progress and is becoming stronger.  Is it really working? Rami Malek (Clark) is so monotone and annoying here, it really shows Freddie has to be strong to take his insults during the exercises.  Peggy even shows compassion for Freddie at one point, one of his biggest naysayers throughout the film.   To shift to something technical for a second, I love how the flicker of the film looks in these closeups on Joaquin Phoenix!  You can really notice it in the 4K Version.  I also remember being very aware it was shot on film while watching the 70mm version at the Egyptian.  I know it’s very cool to like film, but I really do authentically enjoy the look of it.

Freddie now does the wall/window exercise with manic energy. There is one moment when Joaquin Phoenix is jumping up and down and almost hits his head on the chandelier’s metal point...and it looks as though Hoffman gets out of character for a sec to block Phoenix’s head that narrowly misses it. Freddie is back feeling the wall like he has hundreds of times, then goes over to the glass again, feels it and deeply says he can touch the neighbor’s plants...the stars...anything he wants... This is not a big moment magnified by a music cue or closeup, but Dodd says enthusiastically “End of application!” Freddie has succeeded in completing the exercise.  Perhaps Freddie has now transcended and touched infinity in Dodd’s opinion, realizing he can touch anything he wants (mental freedom), seeing the infinitude in something simple and ordinary like a glass window.  Perhaps he has gone through the iterations of the exercises enough to become “clear” (the word “clear” is never used in the film).   Dark, foreboding music now comes in during a shared hug between Lancaster and Freddie. In my opinion, the music foretells the bleakness of certainty Freddie is 100% cured.

In the next scene, Peggy announces that Dodd’s new book will be presented in Phoenix, Arizona.  After watching a few times, you realize that the work done with Freddie was most likely the catalyst for Dodd finishing the book after administering all the exercises.  The film obviously doesn’t come out and say this directly, but we know Freddie has inspired Dodd’s writing, his son earlier revealed that Dodd is just making it up as he goes along and this announcement about a new book comes directly after Freddie “successfully” completes the tests.  Also, is it a coincidence the city picked for the new book event is the last name of the actor playing Freddie, as well as the symbolic mythological bird that rises from the ashes after a rebirth?

Dodd and Freddie now are at a remote, desert location I assume is outside of Phoenix.  They dig up Dodd’s unpublished work that had been buried. Lancaster carries a gun and looks around to make sure no one’s watching or, maybe, if a magic event might manifest.  The score by Johnny Greenwood here is amazing.  Again, with the two characters in this scene there is a wonderful naivety regardless of the ridiculousness of digging up this essential manuscript for “The Cause”.  They are like two kid soldiers out in the great beyond full of wonder and purpose.  And the shirt Dodd is wearing in this scene is hilarious.  

“The Split Saber” is printed on the press.   Freddie takes pictures of Dodd, which are funny and sweet. I’ve included a pair of photos below that look to be influenced by photos taken of L. Ron Hubbard.

Everyone is gathered at the book event in Phoenix now.  Dodd sits in a side room and is visibly nervous.  There is a church vibe to the event.  The Master (Dodd) comes out on stage to cheers from the crowd.  Freddie sits in the middle listening intensely with a yearnful look on his face, perhaps hoping Dodd has a huge secret to reveal.  Unfortunately, Dodd just basically says some of the same stuff he’s said before and Freddie looks let down. Anderson’s closeups on Phoenix in shallow depth of field continue to be revealing and look magnificent! Freddie paces afterwards behind the stage, looking lost, angry and confused.  As you look at him, his pants, shirt and shoes are way too big.  Maybe because he had to borrow some decent clothes from Dodd.  Phoenix walks with Freddie’s unusual gait like a wounded clown.  A friend of The Cause from New York, Bill, who we’ve seen before, reveals to Freddie he thinks the book stinks.  Freddie asks Bill to go outside with him and just completely snaps and slaps Bill hard multiple times.  There is something comical about this.  It’s as if Freddie’s been holding this monster at bay and then just releases it all on poor ole Bill.  Freddie has a history of lashing out at naysayers of The Cause but I don’t believe this is the main reason for the attack.  I think Freddie now knows he is not “cured” or “clear” like previously thought.  I think the lack of answers he felt he was going to get from Dodd’s speech and book pushed him to this, knowing deep down Dodd doesn’t have all the answers like he expected.  In the following scene, Laura Dern’s character sweetly approaches Dodd sitting alone on stage after the event.  She confronts him about something he has changed in the book regarding the processing and seems very confused.  Dodd has a comically loud, insecure outburst displaying his lack of patience and also his unacceptance of criticism.  Obviously, Freddie and Lancaster both simultaneously react harshly when The Cause is questioned despite the contrasting prior exercises practicing non-reactivity.

Freddie Runs

Now Freddie, Lancaster, Clark and Elizabeth drive a car and a motorcycle out to a deserted lake bed.  On a personal note, I shot my latest short film’s biggest scene in a lake bed very similar...so similar I had to look it up online to see if it was the same one. It was not.  Anyway, I remember in Roger Ebert’s review he seemed to be perplexed by this scene and what it represented. I just think Dodd decided it would be a good idea to get away and blow off some steam with a motorcycle after the stressful book event. I personally really like this scene.  It’s funny, it’s visually interesting and there is a danger to it.   Dodd explains the game is to pick a point and then drive the motorcycle to that point. Dodd does this first.  Now it’s Freddie’s turn.  Freddie takes off and speeds away. Dodd does this funny thing in closeup where he puts his hand up to block the sun, watching Freddie ride, then goes to say something, stops himself, then eventually ends up yelling, “Freddie!!”  It’s something so small but Hoffman makes it so interesting and humorous and it’s hard to explain why.  In my Short Film, I start my scene at this similar location with my hand up looking in the distance, as a nod to this scene with Hoffman (3rd photo).

Freddie is long gone with the bike.  Dodd’s best friend has left him.  “No Other Love” by Joe Stafford comes in perfectly here.  It’s such a melancholy end to the scene and I just feel the song compliments it so eloquently.  It’s my favorite song of the film because of this and is in the trailer.  Freddie goes to the house of the girl he loved before going to the war.  He finds out Dorris is married now with kids and lives in Alabama.  He finds this out by talking to Dorris’ mother. Freddie missed his shot. The scene is slightly comical due to the dichotomy between the sweet, mannerly mother and Freddie’s pressing roughness and gnarled face.  It’s something I always notice and enjoy watching.  We are transported now to Freddie asleep alone (most likely drunk) in a movie theater.  You can hear Casper the Friendly Ghost in the background and see the flicker of the big screen on the sleeping Freddie and the empty seats around him.  There has to be a reason for the choice of Casper the Ghost, but I have no interesting theory why.   A theater concierge brings a phone to Freddie after waking him up.  It’s Dodd.  Either this is a supernatural moment in the film in which Dodd just happens to know where Freddie is (because they’re “tied”) or Freddie is being followed Scientology-style.  Freddie nor us know how Dodd knew he was there.  This made me think of an interview (somewhere) with PTA saying sometimes details in a film don’t have to make sense or have a definite answer.   Dodd asks Freddie to come to England where he currently has a school.  He says he misses Freddie and says he can cure him.  My guess is he’s had someone find and follow Freddie...unless the Casper the Ghost reference somehow hints at the supernatural spiritual “tie” Dodd mentions between him and Freddie and Dodd just “knew” he was there...but my theory connecting this may be too far of a stretch.  

On a Slow Boat to China...

Freddie is once again traveling on a boat, which has become a motif... Freddie adrift. We see the recognizable deep aqua water paired perfectly with Greenwood’s score.  The music, once again, adds so much here, producing a sense of  longing and beauty.

Freddie arrives at the school looking haggard and gaunt.  Jesse Plemons’ character (Dodd’s son) greets him with a wry smile of familiarity which soon turns to concern after examining Freddie’s appearance.  They walk down the burgeoning school hallway to Dodd.

Freddie enters with wild eyes to Dodd’s grand office.  Peggy sits off to the side and Dodd at his desk.  Freddie hands Dodd some Kool cigarettes and they hug.  Peggy immediately asks Freddie if he’s drunk, says he looks sick and says he’s not interested in getting better.  She storms out.  The two men share a smile after she leaves, but Dodd’s hands are tied.   It’s worth mentioning Amy Adams (as Peggy) was also nominated for an Oscar for her role and plays a sort of antagonist to Freddie.  Dodd’s book was not well received by close peers and perhaps this was due to Freddie’s influence and she saw this, maybe encouraging Dodd to cut ties because of Freddie’s negative influence and lack of dedication to The Cause.    You can see here Dodd loves Freddie very much.  This is scene is so good!   There is a lot of heart and power here in these closeups.  Dodd loves Freddie’s freedom. Freddie depends on Dodd for structure and meaning and a place to stay.  Dodd then says my favorite lines of the film,  “For if you figure a way to live without serving a master...any master...then let the rest of us know, will you?” With the risk of over-explaining, I’ll dive in with my thoughts... Dodd seems to think everyone has a Master...an obligation, a social role and something transcending mammalian daily life to quench existential and spiritual need.  But does Freddie have a Master?  I think Dodd thinks if anyone might know how to live without one then it would be Freddie.  Would this make Freddie “The Master” and not Dodd? Who is the prophet? Dodd calls him “a man navigating the seas, going wherever he pleases, paying no rent” and you realize Freddie’s steadfast gaze reveals a mastery of something...especially according to Dodd.   The culmination here of bringing to consciousness the pair of opposites in character form proves to be the thesis of the film.  This is not a film with a traditional story (perhaps that Ebert hoped to understand clearly) but a special situation between two men and how they fit together like puzzle pieces...two sides of the same coin...to the point where one might think it’s possible they did in fact know each another in a past life. Dodd mentions this upon meeting Freddie for the first time and Freddie agrees there is a mutual recognition.   Two inverses folding into one another creating something whole, for better or worse. Dodd goes on to explain that he finally figured out where they met in a previous lifetime and says if they meet again in the next life they will be sworn enemies.  Again, there is a lovely naivete here...and said with such earnestness.  And as mentioned before, it is easy to like Dodd because you believe that he believes what he says, even though we, the audience, are speculative.  Again, this is not a film about trying to figure out the legitimacy of a cult but about two men trying to navigate the world the best they can.  Dodd goes into great detail about their past life association.  In appearance, Dodd is so regal, reserved and groomed...so certain!   Freddie is mangled, gaunt and lost.    Dodd now begins to sing, which is funny and heart-breaking at the same time. It’s as if this is the best way he knows to express how he feels in the moment.   I remember the first time I watched this film in the Laemlle Theatre and there were a few laughs here.  I also remember watching this part when I was staying with my Dad and Stepmom one Christmas on HBO.  I just flipped through the channels and saw this scene and stopped to watch.  My Dad had never seen the film but watched this part with me and also chuckled a bit...not in a “that’s ridiculous” way, but in a concentrated way due to the intensity of Hoffman’s performance here. As the scene carries on, I again begin to wonder if these two really did meet in a previous life.  Or maybe it’s just so powerful because they both BELIEVE this past life was real, believing in a pre-destined reason for their association in this lifetime. 

Freddie has now left Dodd. He is out of the office walking alone in a row of trees leaving the school.  He goes to a bar, meets an English woman and they go to a room and have sex.  Both are fully naked in a very human way lit in natural light.  Two hominids in an animalistic act following the parting of Dodd who rejects the animal side for the fully divine.    He playfully tells the woman he has to ask her some questions and she can’t blink.  The processing scene is obviously still with Freddie and obviously PTA is aware of the power that scene held to call it back.  She plays along for a little bit but laughs quickly and breaks.   Now waltz music plays, circling back to Freddie on the beach where he was at at the beginning of the film, laying next to the sand woman in oedipal longing.  Did he dream all of this?? I have watched the film around 10 times and have never thought about this as much as I have this time around.  Of course, it’s ambiguous, but it could very well be true. And he did mention to Dodd in the England office he had a dream, but never got a chance to explain what the dream was.  Dodd then went on to talk about their past life association.    Anyway...the interpretation that I had come to previously was that Freddie has gone on this journey, but has ended right back where he started, meaning no amount of processing or methods to change his behavior can change his determinism.  He is what he is.  In fear of repeating this too much (which is never overtly stated in the film) humans cannot escape the fact that they are also of the animal kingdom.  I believe the first shot of Freddie in the film mimicing the monkey introduces this idea.  And Anderson doesn’t seem to care if the audience gets this first, coded, specific detail, but I believe there are enough clues throughout the film to make the animal comparisons to come to the same interpretation, as I’ve pointed out above multiple times to really bring my point home. Also, Freddie cannot escape how he may have suffered in the war, nor the trauma of his childhood, nor the loss of his sweetheart, Dorris, as he lays next to the breasts of the manufactured woman made of earth as the tide rolls in and out.  This is still with him in his memories, shaping his present, whether he deals with it or not.        And, more broadly speaking, perhaps all of this striving us humans engage in for self-mastery, and the constant modifications to ourselves to reach some pinnacle of “perfection”, we have built in our own minds is futile.  We just go in this big circle, this journey and we end up right where we started.  Are we “better”?  Are we different?  Are we “cured”?    Maybe.  Maybe not. 

To conclude, I’d like to mention that I’ve discovered pre-determination has loomed large in all three films I’ve written about on this page.  I’m not sure if it’s me or the films, but it has been the big picture idea I’ve come to on all three.  It also makes me think how cinema itself is made possible, by showing and shaping a world, often overtaking the individual characters’ will.  I believe this tells us something vital about our reality...cinema expressing transcendent ideas that can swallow up egoic identification, which is why films like this stick with you, pointing to something larger at play within the individual rather than solely the idea we have of ourselves.  

[ibookbm]

21 Motivational Books that Will Change Your Mind About Life, Money, and Yourself

My least favored feeling is feeling stuck.

I may be stuck with non-public growth, stale in my relationships, clean out of ideas at paintings… the list is endless.

The worry of closing stagnant may be crippling.

I’ve felt that way many, frequently. Each time it looks like I’ll never overcome it like I’m permanently drained of motivation.

Know what I suggest? Perhaps you’ve resigned yourself to living a miserable, dull lifestyle. Maybe you even agree with you don’t deserve better than that. When you feel so bad to see you later, it’s hard to assume life in some other manner.

I’ve been there too. Many instances.

In reality, I’ve made such a lot of journeys to Auckland and back that I’ve proved to myself that my time there isn’t everlasting. Some of my trips are surely longer than others, however, I constantly return.

And because I realize I constantly go back home, I’ve made it a dependency that each time I’m in a “valley,” I remind myself of all the alternative valleys I’ve already been in. I remind myself that this valley is no specific than the others, although it looks like it's miles. I remind myself that I have felt like this before and that I have overcome it before too.

You don’t need to face the valleys alone. In truth, it’s higher no longer to face them alone. When we’re by myself, that’s while the crushing negativity can creep in… all of the self-doubt, the concern, and the fear.

We’ve all were given little “voices” inner our heads. Sometimes they’re fine, but on occasion they’re negative. When you tell yourself you “can’t” otherwise you’ll “never” or you “don’t deserve it”… the ones are the voices. And the instances while the one's voices are the loudest? Well, those are the valleys.

To get out of the valleys, you have to shush the terrible voices. And the exceptional way to shush ’em isn’t to try and get rid of them — because they’ll constantly return, announcing something different next time. No, the great manner to shush the voices is to crowd them out.

How do you crowd ’em out? The answer may surprise you.

Read.

Every time you study, you get entry to to a fresh perspective — and you get to pick out that perspective every unmarried time.

Every time you examine, you pay attention to other voices except the ones to your head.

And on every occasion you examine, you're making your world bigger.

You allow your self to grow and enhance your existence… one word at a time.

So in which need to you start? I can help with that! Below is an in-depth listing of 21 motivational books you can use to fill your mind with effective voices, empowering thoughts, and inspiration to create a life you love.

Let’s dig in!

The Subtle Art of Not Giving an F*ck through Mark Manson

I wager that identify grabbed your interest, huh?  It does have a chunk of shock cost — but it also backs it up with reliable advice on how you could decide what to care about… and what not to. Pretty ambitious thinking, right?

Think and Grow Rich by way of Napoleon Hill

This is one of those books that’s a piece older but makes each person’s “Best Motivational Books of All Time” listing. Napoleon performed dozens of interviews with the most successful and richest human beings inside the early twentieth century and drills down into the commonplace tendencies between them.

Awaken the Giant Within via Tony Robbins

Tony Robbins is one of the names most synonymous with self-help books. And for a proper purpose — he’s written six first-class-selling books approximately economic freedom, private development, and more. I particularly like this e-book due to the fact he stocks what he’s discovered approximately the pleasant ways to assist humans to wreck thru to new degrees in life.

The Success Principles with the aid of Jack Canfield

This is the *best* book for those who sense caught with wherein they're in life. I’ve been there, and this book helped me get out of my hunch. With short chapters on each subject matter, Jack teaches you a way to boom your confidence, address every day demanding situations, live with ardor and reason, and make your goals actual. You’ll be again on track in no time.

Spirit Driven Success by way of Dani Johnson

Dani Johnson went from being homeless to a millionaire in TWO years. Two years, folks. She’s an ordained minister and teaches the way to “release the door to biblical wealth and prosperity secrets.” I was so inspired by way of her story and knew I needed to add it to this list.

Tools of Titans with the aid of Tim Ferriss

Over the remaining years, Tim has interviewed the high-quality of the fine inside the international on his podcast. He’s taken the whole thing he’s discovered from the ones 2 hundred+ interviews and packed it into this GINORMOUS inspirational ebook. But don’t let the scale intimidate you — think about it as a giant resource for fitness, wealth, and happiness.

Rich Dad Poor Dad by way of Robert Kiyosaki

Robert explores the mind-set which you don’t have to earn a ton of cash to be wealthy. He’s responsible for converting how hundreds of thousands of humans consider cash and investing. This is one of the fine private finance books obtainable.

Lean In by way of Sheryl Sandberg

Ever heard of Facebook? (LOL!) Sheryl Sandberg is the COO of the social media empire, and he or she’s created a name for herself using coaching women how to take manipulate in their careers and be proper leaders in their fields. She indicates “unique steps women can take to mix expert success with personal fulfillment.”

How to Win Friends and Influence People with the aid of Dale Carnegie

Here are some other vintage-time traditional that you’ll locate on many “Best of” lists. It has bought tens of millions of copies over time and illustrates how to interact with humans effectively. Communication = the important thing to achievement in ANYTHING.

Losing My Virginity with the aid of Richard Branson

Richard Branson is the founder of Virgin Atlantic Airways, Virgin Records, and more pinnacle groups. He’s one of the most iconic marketers of our day. This autobiography tells the tale of his loopy-exciting existence and the way he writes his very own regulations in the enterprise. It’s a clean take on the traditional “self-help” e-book.

Big Magic through Elizabeth Gilbert

The writer of the wildly a success Eat, Pray, Love is back with some other e-book on the concept, creativity, and conquering the fears which can be conserving your lower back. She’s awesome inspirational and when you finish analyzing the e-book, you’ll need to start taking motion stat.

The Obstacle is the Way with the aid of Ryan Holiday

You recognize what I say: Being happy isn’t about having 0 issues — it’s being capable of clear up the troubles we do have, no matter how big or small. And that’s why I love this book so much. It suggests you how to show problems into successes.

Loving What Is: The Four Questions That Can Change Your Life through Byron Katie

Byron Katie created a manner known as The Work that enables you to notice your issues in a different mild. This ebook expands on that method through particular examples of people running through their issues and understanding the underlying notion tactics at the back of them. It’s considered one of the leading motivational books on private transformation.

The Now Habit by using Neil Fiore

Are you a procrastinator? Always placing things off and either doing them at the last minute or no longer doing them at all? I was once much like that until I read The Now Habit. Now I get my booty in gear and get things carried out so that I can revel in my unfastened time faster — without feeling guilty.

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success through Carol Dweck

You men recognize how tons I do not forget mind-set to be an integral part of everybody’s success. Well, this e-book is THE ebook approximately mind-set. I got so much out of it that I even based part of my Money Mindset Transformation workshop on the ideas taught via Dr. Dweck in this book.

The Dip through Seth Godin

I’m sure you’ve heard the announcing “Winners in no way end and quitters by no means win.” But… on occasion, winners DO give up and quitters DO win! But how do you realize whilst to cease or whilst to push via? Seth teaches precisely that during The Dip.

RELATED:  How This New Dad is Proofreading His Way to Freedom

The Millionaire Next Door via Thomas Stanley & William Danko

Being a millionaire shouldn't mean you’re flashy or have pricey things. In reality, you could have a millionaire dwelling proper next door and no longer even comprehend it. This book walks you through the seven “guidelines” all millionaires live via — and they’re likely no longer what you anticipate!

7 Habits of Highly Effective People through Stephen Covey

Stephen Covey is some other noticeably regarded writer inside the motivational international. This ebook got here 25 years ago, but it’s nevertheless one of the most recognizable and encouraged personal growth books accessible.

Psycho-Cybernetics by way of Maxwell Maltz

No, this book isn't always approximately robots 😉 It’s a shorter, less complicated manner of saying “steering your mind to inefficient, a beneficial purpose so you can attain the best port inside the world, peace of mind.” It’s a reasonably unknown e-book compared to others in this list, however, Tony Robbins is a fan — and so am I.

The War of Art via Steven Pressfield

Here’s any other wonderful e-book approximately unleashing your creativity and pushing via roadblocks standing for your way. If you’re a wannabe writer, this e-book is for you — Steven Pressfield was over forty years old when he first was given published. You’re in no way too vintage!

Change Anything by Kerry Patterson & Joseph Grenny

Have you ever tried to make a change in your lifestyles (cross on a food plan, begin the exercise, and so on.) but couldn’t follow thru? There’s a cause for that, and this ebook dives into how you can trade your destructive behavior and replace them with better behaviors.

Looking for pointers for setting up your freelance business? Check out this resource page in which I talk approximately my favored equipment and resources for constructing your website, walking your freelance business, and even keeping healthy!

Our Take This listing has to get you out of the valleys to your subsequent trip to Auckland. 🙂 Just keep in mind that truly analyzing one of these books (or maybe they all) won’t create exchange all with the aid of itself. Motivational books aren’t magical within the Muggle international. Mere records are powerless without implementation. So with every ebook, you study, extract the “golden nuggets” — the matters that circulate you to action — and get to paintings!

What are your favored motivational books? So what do you believe you studied? Are you searching forward to a journey to the library or bookstall? Have you given your finger a workout from clicking away on Amazon? I hope so! If you've got other books you’d want to advise, permit me to understand inside the remarks! I’m always looking for more excellent books to study.

[redaynia]

8 and 25?

Thank you!!

8. Did you meet any of your reading goals? Which ones?

I read more books than i did last year and i also didn't read a single fantasy book! I still didn't reach my goodreads target but that was kinda ambitious anyway

25. What reading goals do you have for next year?

I'd at least like to read more books than i did in 2019! I'm going to set myself the same goodreads target and hopefully I'll actually make it this time. I'm also trying to improve my Irish so I'd like to read maybe 1 book as Gaeilge every month or 2.

[loreadsbooks-blog]

Goodreads Reading Challenge Update

At the beginning of 2019, I decided to take part in the Goodreads reading challenge. If you’re not familiar with the Goodreads challenge, you set a goal at the beginning of the year to challenge yourself to read a certain number of books, and your Goodreads account keeps track of your progress. And setting (and completing) your own personal reading challenge is kind of a big deal in the reading community.   

I debated for a few days what my magic number for the year was going to be: the number of books I was going to attempt to finish by the end of 2019. At the time, I was coming off a reading high and cranking out 4-5 books a month. Honestly, I wanted to make my goal 50 books, but I knew once school started, I’d be lacking in time, motivation, and mental sanity. 

I was right. 

So ambitious, reading machine Lauren thought 33 books was more than reasonable. “I could easily read 50 books this year, so 33 will be no problem....I’ll probably even surpass that.”

ha. ha.

Currently, I’m at 17. 

And the competitive, type A, perfectionist inside of me NEEDS TO COMPLETE THE CHALLENGE. 

Which means I have 30 days to read 16 books. 

Also, I need to finish my senior capstone project in one piece and graduate this month with my mental sanity intact. So that’s fun. 

So here’s what I’m thinking:

I’m going to cheat. Just a little. And throw in a handful of short, 200-pages-or fewer books and maybe a few graphic novels.  

Right now, I’m in the middle of reading 3 books. (and by “reading” I mean I’ve read about the first 20 pages then got distracted/and or busy and never picked them back up.)

Coraline by Neil Gaiman. (I was supposed to read this in October with my Bookstagram bestie, but only got halfway through.)

Looking For Alaska by John Green (In honor of my favorite John Green novel debuting on Hulu, I decided to re-read it. So far, it’s even better than I remember.)

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkens Reid. (The plan was to buddy read this with my friend Jewel over Thanksgiving Break. I made it to page 25.)

If I finish these, I’ll only have 13 left. If I make about 7 of those graphic novels, I could go into hibernation mode after I graduate and crank out the rest. Maybe. I’d have to do my own little readathon and sacrifice sleep and my social life. 

But like, what else is new? 

Honestly, I don't know how realistic this is. But you best believe I’m going to be giving it the old college try. 

It should be fun. 

[morsmordrehasbeensaved]

CONGRATULATIONS ASHLEY, YOU HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED AS AMARA ZABINI WITH THE FACECLAIM OF JASMINE SANDERS!

Ashley, your application was, frankly, phenomenal. We loved the detail you put in from everything from her name to her familial circumstances, and it became evident whilst reading your application that you had thought out Amara extremely well. We’re immensely excited to see her on the dash! Welcome to Morsmordre!

Check out our acceptance checklist right here on what to do next!

NAME/ALIAS:

Ashley

AGE:

I am currently 24, but as of March 21st I will be 25

PREFERRED PRONOUNS:

She/Her

TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY:

I am in the GMT -7 (PST) timezone, and my activity ranges from a 5-9 to be entirely honest. Currently, I am in medical school as well as working part time. This takes up a decent portion of my time, but I always make time for rping and am very good about keeping admins and fellow rpers up to date on how active I can or cannot be. I am graduating in April, so things will be on the upswing!

TRIGGERS:

REMOVED

ANYTHING ELSE:

Mischief Managed

May I change the FC to Jasmine Sanders? Please and Thank you!

♔ IN CHARACTER INFO ♔

FULL NAME:

Amara - A name with many meanings, though her parents named her with the original Sanskrit in mind.  “Immortal”, or immortality rather, was an aspiration that they had for their daughter. Of course, as a pureblooded witch, her name would be cemented in at least some small facet of history - but they craved so much more for her. She would be an impeccable lady, groomed to be what women envied and men craved all while maintaining the ability to dice them apart with her sharp wit. Amara would be someone they could be proud of.

Eugenia - An ancestral name, passed down to numerous members of the Zabini family. None are certain whether or not the story is true, but it has been passed through the family that they are named for a 3rd Century Saint who escaped persecution by impersonating a man.

Zabini - (I am taking some creative liberties here, so if you don’t like it I will absolutely change it!) The name has evolved through the passage of time, but originally it was Zabaione. Zabaione is an Italian custard-based dessert, which the family gained fame for marketing centuries before. A fortune has been amassed over the years through further creation of popular magical desserts as well as the production of dessert based wines and liquors. In the last twenty years the family has made moves to go international with their brand, spreading slowly through Europe and planning to eventually make their way to the America’s and Asia.

BIRTHDAY AND AGE:

16 September 1960; 17 years old

Virgo - Being a Virgo born on September 16th, you are known for a reserved, sensitive and artistic nature. Your appreciation of beauty and art is profound, as you always seem to have a strong emotional connection to these things. You have great social skills, but do not use them to gain attention, seeing as you detest the spotlight. You are most comfortable handling tasks in the background, as not to disturb others or be disturbed yourself. While your coworkers and peers may know you as shy or timid, your close family and friends are lucky enough to witness your intimate thoughts and feelings.

PRONOUNS:

She/Her

SEXUALITY/ROMANTIC ORIENTATION:

It is stated in canon that Ms. Zabini has had seven husband’s, all of which have died under mysterious circumstances - so she is definitely attracted to men. However, if a woman catches her fancy I am definitely not going to shove her strictly into a heterosexual role. If it’s okay, I would like to leave her sexuality undefined for the moment.

EXTRACURRICULARS:

The current extracurricular activities set for her, Ravenclaw prefect and Magical Creatures club, are perfect. However, I would like to add a few things.  As a character who’s future is so important to her I would like to imagine she pays a lot of attention to what clubs she is in, and grasp at whatever opportunities that she can get, she also is a talented witch which leads me to believe she may have been invited to the Slug Club. I’d also like to add her to the charms club, as I imagine this is one of her favored subjects.

PERSONALITY TRAITS:

Ambitious + Innovative + Networking

Cunning - Materialistic - Vain

BIOGRAPHY:

Great shame had been brought upon them with the birth of their first child. The Zabini family was ruled with pride, and of course the fact that they had been expecting had been splashed far and wide. It was with even more pride that they introduced the world to their son - Ricardo Zabini. He was handsome, well-read and playful and Nailah and Gianluco could not have been happier parents. It was his eleventh birthday that initiated their shame. Surely, the owl delivering his Hogwarts letter had just managed to get lost along the way. Maybe the ministry had simply forgotten, after all they had moved from Italy to Britain less than fifteen years ago. Another year passed and they lost hope. As their peers pointed out the boy had never actually showed any real magical talent. A squib. They’d given birth to a squib.

It was with absolute horror that the couple learned of their second pregnancy. They retreated completely from the eyes of the public fearful that their misfortune would repeat. In spite of this fear they still deeply loved their children, and though they hid there face they still wished for the best for them - even if it meant leading muggle lives. Amara was born in a small cottage, with just a healer and her family. She surprised her family when she began showing magical talent around the age of five. Eventually, they came out of hiding and Ricardo and Amala were ushered back into lavish society. If anyone could keep them from becoming societal outcast, it would be their talented and beautiful daughter.

Amara was exactly what they had hoped for. From the moment they set a book in her hands she never stopped reading. While she adored fiction, she had also adopted a quick desire to learn all that she could. Gianluco hired men to find books on healing, magical architecture, creatures of all nations, and so many other subjects. The family library continued expanding as the girl soaked in each new thing. In public situations she didn’t speak much, but when she did her contributions to the conversation were usually riveting. Typically, she remained in the background. At first this upset her parents, but they eventually got over it at the approach of their peers remarking on her beauty and the brilliance of her smile. When the time came they were certain that they would at least be able to make her a good match.

Starting Hogwarts was a dream come true for the scholarly girl. There were endless avenues for her to explore and for weeks she could hardly curb her excitement. That all came crashing down when she actually did start. A couple of people already knew her, and as she was one who didn’t speak much they had already pigeon-holed her as someone far less intelligent than she already was a few even went so far as to point out that there was no way she could be a talented witch - one certainly couldn’t be when they had a squib for a brother. For a little while she tried to fight it, raising her hand in lessons and getting extra credit as frequently as she could. It didn’t take her long though to figure out that it wasn’t worth fighting for anyone’s approval. Let them think her inept. Let them think she cared for nothing more than just her appearance. Amara knew what the truth was, and she knew she could use their opinion of her to her advantage. She maintained her invisibility while gaining knowledge, and occasionally secrets, from those around her. Soon, she knew who to go to in order to get whatever it is that she wanted within the castle - including Thorfinn Rowle, her favorite little play thing and protector. Her network continues to expand, and slowly her invisibility is beginning to fade.

ADDITIONAL INFO:

(I feel like I have already bombarded you with a really long app, so i’ve only got a couple more things to add. Thank you for your time!)

Wand: 10 1/2″ Acacia with a Dragon Heart string Core

Amortencia: Gardenias, Chamomile Tea, and Honeyed Wine

Boggart: A coffin, her biggest fear is death. She doesn’t know when it is going to occur and so she has no way to prepare for it.

Patronus: Still working on casting a corporal patronus, but believes that she has caught a glimpse of a Buzzard the couple of times she has come close.

Goals: Amara aspires to be an Experimental Healer. It is her plan to travel the globe and discover the medicinal properties of everything that she can, ranging from the magical to the muggle whether plant or animal.

[lynablog]

On setting goals (and not meeting all of them)

   For my birthday last year, I decided to try something new(ish). I set twenty-five goals for myself to accomplish throughout the year: some easy, ride a ferris wheel, and some hard, a 4.0 semester GPA. Historically, I’ve never been very good at meeting or even setting goals, but I found that the way I set goals for that year to be a way that I could focus on. 

  I used “S.M.A.R.T.” goals, which I’m pretty sure stands for specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely. I didn’t set vague goals like “read more books”, I set the goal of “read 10 book” with the deadline of my next birthday. See, for me, this method has worked incredibly well because it’s so well-defined. To explain S.M.A.R.T Goals: 

Specific - not “be better with money”, but “make a budget”

Measurable - ”10″ rather than “more”

Achievable - ”reading 200 books in a year” is specific and measurable, but not achievable

Realistic - is similar to achievable. Pick a goal that you can reasonably accomplish in the given timeframe with the resources you have or can acquire within your timeframe 

Timely - put a time limit or time frame on your goal, don’t leave it open ended because that just lets you procrastinate.

I definitely didn’t come up with SMART goals, and it didn’t make me achieve all of my goals - but it did help me focus on achieve things that I might not have otherwise. I’ll go into my goals for the last year and how I did, or didn’t, accomplish them this year. 

1. Create a personal mash-up video to “22″: So, I got excited about the song “22″ being relevant to my age. This goal did make me more inclined to film moments from my life which I think I’ll appreciate later in life, but I didn’t ultimately get around to making the mash-up video. 

2. Go to Europe: This was a little cheater goal, because I already had a study abroad to Italy planned for spring break. The trip was AWESOME though. 

3. Ride a Ferris Wheel: I had hoped to ride the London Eye on my long layover in London, but that didn’t work out and I instead rode the Wheeler Ferris Wheel with my best friend. 

4. Go to a drive-in movie: My best friend and I made a day of it with the ferris wheel. We saw the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean, much confusion was had with the radio, and there was an amazing lightening storm on the way back home. 

5. Go on a hike: This one I’m considering accomplished, but it’s not the nature hike that I intended. I hiked through Italian cities on my study abroad, hiked through Anaheim/Disneyland (nearly 30,000 steps!), and spent an afternoon at a botanical gardens.  

6. Read 10 books: Completed over the summer. I might do a list over this later.

7. Visit a museum for the day: I visited the museum in my college town for my second date with my boyfriend, and ended up being a pretty special date. I didn’t plan on this goal meaning a lot to me, but it did. 

8. See every [hometown community theatre] production: I didn’t expect to have any issue meeting this goal because I’ve seen or been in every shoe since about 2013. However, I very unexpected had my truck die and couldn’t get home for the last show of the year. I have the DVD of the production and intend on watching it over break, but I didn’t complete this goal. 

9. See a show somewhere else: I actually accomplished this several times over. I saw “Shipwrecked” and the musical I can’t remember the name in the Spring at college, Seussical and Into the Woods in local towns over the summer, “Nunsense” at the community theatre in my college town with my good friend, and a Shakespeare comedy with my boyfriend in November. 

10. Start, maybe even finish, my [two-year college’s] scrapbook. It’s been started at least. 

11. Take a dance class: I took Ballet I this fall semester - I loved dancing again, but I do not have the passion necessary for the work required in a college level dance class. 

12. Ride a train for the first time: We took a high speed train in Italy, it was a rather average experience. 

13. Get a 4.0 semester GPA: I made it out with A’s and a few B’s and somehow got into Phi Kappa Phi, but I did not get a 4.0 for either semester. 

14. Take a photo every day: There were definitely days where I counted Snapchat for this, but I do think I did it. 

15. Finish my brown journal: I was so close and wanted to push myself into finishing it off, easily accomplished. 

16. Go to a concert: Never got around to it, unfortunately. 

17. Be in a theatre production: I was a dancer in “Oklahoma” for my community theatre. Much fun was had and friends were made. I got to play “dream Laurey”, which I was thrilled to do. 

18. Learn to spin cotton into yarn: Even putting it on my goals couldn’t get this accomplished, hahe. 

19. Make two or more bones for my knitted skeleton: I started one, but didn’t finish. 

20. See a ballet: I watched “Swan Lake” for my Ballet I class, and loved the movements but the music nearly put me to sleep. 

21. Do a random act of kindness: For the Spring finals week, a few friends and I wrote encouraging notes on index cards and taped lifesavers to them for “encourage-mints”. My good friend and I handed them out in the student union around lunch on Tuesday. I enjoyed myself, I think the receivers of the notes were a little baffled. 

22. Write once a week: Between diary entries and school assignments, this was definitely accomplished. 

23. Make something I usually buy: I made a skirt during the summer. It didn’t go well. 

24. Finish a coloring book: This was far too ambitious, but I did enjoy the time I spent coloring. 

25. Participate in NaNoWriMo: I don’t think I ever surpassed 1,666 words, but I did write something. 

[breakingnewsandsports]

Your 20s can be a confusing time.

You might not be in school anymore, but you still have plenty to learn before you're a fully functioning adult.

Meaning now, you're on your own.

To help you navigate this tricky decade, we reviewed several Quora threads on helpful skills and ways to spend time in your 20s and highlighted the most useful insights.

Here are the life skills every 20-something should master.

1. How to just be honest

When you're late to an appointment, it's tempting to pin the blame on gridlock or train delays.

Instead, says Quora user Michael Hoffman, "just apologize. You don't have to give details. 'I planned poorly' is a hundred times better than risking your integrity by inanely blaming traffic."

2. How to receive criticism

No one likes to be told they're wrong or even that they could be doing something more effectively. As Abhinav Gupta writes, it's easy to resent the person critiquing you or completely ignore them.

Nonetheless, Gupta says, "in order to succeed in life you should always accept criticism and always respond positively to it and never think ill of people who point out your mistakes."

3. How to start an interesting conversation

"Conversation-making is probably the most underrated skill," says Deepak Mehta, who admits that he's a shy person who's always found it difficult.

But experience has taught him that if you dare to strike up a discussion with the person next to you, you might very well end up with a new friend, a business connection, or some novel insights on an old topic.

Start with these 13 ways to get better at small talk — like asking open-ended questions.

4. How to ask for something you want

"The ability to ask is the easiest, most underutilized skill to catapult your career," writes an anonymous user.

But if you don't muster up the courage to request a raise, a promotion, or a bigger sales deal, you have no chance of getting it.

If the thought of requesting what you want makes you anxious, the user suggests practicing in non-work-related contexts. For example, you could ask a vendor at a farmer's market for a lower price on your vegetables.

"The more you put yourself in uncomfortable situations," the user writes, "the more likely you'll decide they're not that uncomfortable after all."

5. How to keep your promises

Maybe you told a friend you'd show up to his birthday party, or maybe you agreed to finish an extra assignment for your boss. Whatever the situation, you should make good on your word.

"Break [your promise] and people lose trust and faith in you, which, over time, is very hard to mend," Hoffman says.

6. How to communicate effectively

No matter your career field, you can always improve the way you speak and write.

"Think about ways to challenge yourself and tweak how you write an email or behave in a meeting," the anonymous user suggests.

Here's an example: "During your next team meeting, resist talking about your idea or opinion right off the bat. Instead, count to five, and if you still feel like you have something relevant to contribute, speak up. On the flip side, if you're shy, challenge yourself to say what you're thinking, instead of remaining silent."

7. How to be resilient

The rest of your life is bound to include setbacks, sadness, and frustration (in addition to joy and excitement!). Carolyn Cho says you should use your early adulthood to figure out how to recover from mishaps:

"Your 20s [are] a time when most are relatively free of the responsibilities that will increase into your 30s and 40s. This is a great time to experiment, fail, and bounce back. Learn how to ride out failure and persevere."

8. How to demonstrate good table manners

"A lot of interviews take place over meals," writes Drew Pavilonis.

"Chewing loudly, or eating with your mouth open, licking fingers and utensils (yes, I've seen it), elbows on the table, just shows a lack of manners and social skills."

  9. How to live within your means

Cho advises young adults to think carefully about all their expenditures:

"Luxuries are a wonderful thing only if you can truly afford them. Don't be a slave to funding a lifestyle that will not last. Learn to live modestly and save up, and then you will have earned the right to purchase yourself some treats, in moderation."

10. How to deal with rejection

Many people use their 20s to try new experiences, jobs, and romantic partners. Some of those attempts will work out, and some won't.

According to Joe Choi, it's a good opportunity to learn how to deal with rejection, whether it's from a dream employer or a date: "It's a tough pill to swallow but realize that rejection is quite normal. It's hardly ever personal and most importantly it's not the end of the world. Don't dwell on it. Keep your head high and keep trucking along."

"Life is full of challenges. The 20s are a great time to toughen up and start teaching yourself how to be emotionally and mentally resilient enough to weather both the joys and hardships to come."

11. How to learn without a textbook

Studying shouldn't be limited to your time in school. It "can be anywhere, anytime, and with anyone," writes Lenny Kho. "Keep your mind wide open."

You should always be seeking out new ways to expand your mind. Read books, practice speaking foreign languages, or take music lessons — whatever excites you most.

12. How to accept the possibility of change

Research by psychologist Dan Gilbert suggests that we have a hard time imagining how much we'll change in the future.

So it makes sense that Choi says, "It's near impossible to plan where you'll be a few years from now."

Choi uses his own trajectory as an example. During college he studied engineering, and he never imagined he'd move to rural Eastern Europe to harvest corn afterward — but he did. While living in Europe, he never thought he'd later move to a fancy building in New York City — but that's exactly what happened.

Expect to be surprised (hopefully pleasantly) by the way your life unfolds.

13. How to make a decision

"The bridge that leads from analysis to action is effective decision-making — knowing what to do based on the information available," writes Janic Butevics. "While not being critical can be dangerous, so too can over-analyzing, or waiting for more information before making a decision."

If you're more of an over-analyzer, consider trying an adapted version of the "gun test," which Stanford engineering professor Bernard Roth wrote about in his book "The Achievement Habit."

Pretend somone's holding a gun up to your head and giving you 15 seconds to make a decision. You'll definitely be able to choose something — and it will release a lot of pressure.

14. How to sell yourself

This skill isn't just for professional salespeople.

"Being able to sell yourself to others is a vital skill in any area of life," writes Lukas Schwekendiek. "In the working business you have to sell yourself to clients and potential employers. In finding a partner you must sell yourself to the person and your potential benefit to their life."

Try telling a story about yourself, since it will be easier for people to remember. And make sure that story sparks conversation among your listeners.

15. How to negotiate

Author and podcaster James Altucher highlights the importance of developing negotiation skills. He refers specifically to the tips he learned from former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss.

Those tips include getting people to say "no" when you want them to ultimately say "yes." For example, when you're negotiating the terms of a job and not getting your way, you can ask the hiring manager, "Do you want me to fail?" The answer is, obviously, no — and from there, you can start pushing for what you need.

16. How to listen without speaking

M. Malhan writes: 'By training yourself to be a better and ACTIVE LISTENER, you will be able to communicate more effectively and develop better relationships in life."

As Dave Kerpen, CEO of Likeable Local, previously told Business Insider, listening is the most important — and most underrated skill — in business and in life.

If you want to develop your own active listening skills, try "mindful conversation." Two people pair up and one person speaks for a set time period while the other is completely silent. Then, the second person reflects on what the first person said until the first person feels satisfied. Finally, the two people switch roles.

The goal of mindful conversation is to have less superficial interactions, to instead have interactions that leave you feeling like you and your conversation partner really understood each other.

17. How to be patient

There's no question that it's important to be ambitious and to work hard to achieve your goals — whether they include landing a spot in the C-suite or buying a house.

But try not to get frustrated if, at 25, you still haven't scored a promotion or saved up enough for a down payment.

Take a tip from Steve Kobrin: "Good things simply do not happen overnight. They take time to nurture and cultivate. They take a lot of work. A lot of thought. A lot of trial and error, and learning from your mistakes."

SEE ALSO: 19 signs you're a functioning adult — even if it doesn't feel like it

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NOW WATCH: TONY ROBBINS: What you need to do in your 20s to be more successful in your 30s

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