#i sent this song to my therapist so she has context for our next session

[rapunzelforlorn]

These lyrics have been bouncing around my hollow chest like a ping pong ball of energy on repeat since I heard them

[romansleftshoulderpad]

Barren: Chapter 15

Words: 3,021

Ships: Established Moralogince, Eventual LAMP

Warnings: food mention, past death mention, characters fighting, crying, eavesdropping, mention of an abusive ex

A/N: I’m not paying any dental bills if this gives anyone cavities 

Tags: @fandermom @astral-eclipse @patheticlilkiddo @a-pastel-pan  @dr-gloom @cloudedskies29 @quietwords-loudthoughts @mentallytiredgoat  @merlybird500 @notveryglittery @why-should-i-tell-youu2 @crookedlyoptimisticdestiny @ninja-wizard101 @littleladynightshade @pumpkinminette @weird-spooky-broody-dude @unicornlogansanders @muliphandomer @jacksmellington101 @notalwaysthebadguy @skruffy901 @jynxlovesluck 

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The woman took purposeful strides, often forgetting how much shorter the boy walking next to her was. Her brown hair was pulled back tightly into a ponytail and she seemed to be dressed more for a business meeting than a therapy session. While not of a corporate degree, the woman certainly had business to attend to.

“Oh- H- Hello, I don’t have any appointments this week, but-“

“Cut the shit, Emile,” Nicole said. “Where’s my son?”

+++

Virgil was thriving from all the attention he had been getting. Patton showered him with forehead kisses and cuddles, Roman offered compliments and hugs at every corner, and Logan was always there to offer reassurances and reminders of how loved he was.

He felt like he belonged. And that was the most confusing thing of all. His heart was torn in a million different directions between soaking in all of the love or hiding far, far away from it all so that the rejection would hurt less.

But Virgil was selfish. And deeply falling into the abyss of love. He laughed as he saw Logan and Patton dancing in the kitchen, both so clumsy but laughing and full of love. “Dance with me,” Roman said, holding a hand in front of Virgil’s.

“Oh- I- I have two left feet,” he lied.

“So do those two. C’mon. It’ll be fun.” Roman’s invitation felt so common yet so intimate all at once. Virgil knew how the three of them loved to dance together when they were alone, was this some sort of a silent invitation into the quietest and domestic parts of their lives? Of their relationship? Virgil’s heart sped in his chest.

He took Roman’s hand and let himself be twirled into the kitchen and a gentle waltz, safely tucked between Roman’s arms. His heartbeat in time to the soft, jazzy tune he vaguely remembered from a movie he had seen with his mother when he was a kid. He could hardly remember anything other than talking dogs and a lot of balloons, but the song vibrated through his chest with the word “soulmates” echoing through his head.

It was a feeling he had read about in books and fairytales. Soulmates knowing that they’re meant to be together. It all seemed so fake all those years ago, and as he got older he knew being Barren meant he’d never be able to feel that. But now? Everything seemed perfect. It seemed so right, in a horribly wrong sort of way.

Roman twirled him into Logan’s arms as he began to dance with Patton. Virgil smiled at Logan and laughed awkwardly but found dancing with him to be far easier than expected. Logan was a perfect lead, precise and taking each step deliberately, and he kept a firm hold on Virgil but one that felt comforting nonetheless.

They all kept dancing, switching partners every few minutes, and laughing and loving. The song ended with Virgil once again in Roman’s arms, laughing as their foreheads pressed together. He found himself completely blind to the glance that Logan and Patton shared; he found himself completely blind to the fact that his life was about to change forever.

Later that day, when Roman was tucked away with work and Patton and Logan were busy training, Virgil found himself lying on the floor of Elliot’s room. “How much did it hurt?” he asked. “The tattoo. Mom always wanted me to get one, but I was too scared of the pain.”

“Yeah,” Elliot said. “But it’s not that bad. And if it saves your life, it's worth it.”

“And yet we’re both here,” Virgil said. “So, was it?”

“I-“ Elliot thought for a moment, silence on their tongue. “I just... chose the wrong name.”

“A bully?”

“A boyfriend,” they said. “He’s not exactly... a fan of people like us. Sometimes I wonder if he’s the one that reported me.”

“Tattoo shops are raided all the time,” Virgil said. “Someone probably just stole the documents.”

“Someone,” they argued, “would have had to tell the police first.”

“That’s fair.”

“How did you get caught?”

“Typical story. Someone saw my arm, caused a scene, and I just couldn’t outrun the cops. I was put on display. I hated it.”

“Virgil, that sounds awful.”

“I’m sure what you went through wasn’t exactly a picnic either.”

“Being Barren sucks ass.”

“It really does, doesn’t it?” Virgil laughed. “But at least we have company. I can’t imagine doing this all with anyone else.”

“It sounds like you love them,” Elliot teased.

Virgil stood silently for a moment, memories and emotions rushing to his head and through his heart. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Maybe I do.”

“Oh no, you’re in deep, huh?”

Virgil sent them a glare. “I’m just saying that I,” he said slowly, putting deep thought and consideration into every word, “enjoy their company.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Oh don’t give me that look!” Virgil said. “It’s not like I’m calling them my soulmates- well...-“ He decided that was a topic for a different day. “They make me feel safe. And loved. And isn’t that all anybody wants when all is said and done?” He paused for a moment, face blushing as he thought of that morning’s events. “I think they’re incredible.”

“I wish you the best of luck with that.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Thanks. And I wish you the best of luck with getting out of here. I’m sure this isn’t your ideal situation.”

“Living with my therapist, three polyamorous idiots, and my best friend’s hero?” they asked. “Not what I expected, no.”

“Hero?”

“You’re a living legend!” Elliot explained. “My friend Kai really admires you. He thinks you’re pretty kickass.”

“Kickass? I hardly did anything. Logan is the one who saved me.”

“Au contraire,” Elliot argued. “You saved me.”

“Huh. Maybe I do have a bit of kickass.”

“Hell yeah, you fucking do.”

“Language.”

“Kiss my ass,” Elliot said, sticking out their tongue with a laugh. Virgil fell back against the floor with laughter. He finally felt like he was making up for lost time on all the years he spent friendless and alone.

+++

It was a grocery day. Patton was thankful to have the least risky job of the bunker, but that never meant he was completely safe. He kept the sleeves of his cardigan just high enough the show that he had a mark, but still covered enough to prevent anyone from looking any closer at it. He carried reusable shopping bags in his hands as he walked the extra block back to Roman’s Jeep. As he walked, he found himself faced with a difficult proposition.

Would it be the right thing to do to visit Emile?

On one hand, if Emile had wanted to see them, surely he would have come back to the bunker already.

But what if he needed company? There’s a large difference between having a friend visit you and going back to a small family.

Patton pulled out the keys from his pocket and unlocked the Jeep. He piled in grocery bags into the back seat and got into the driver’s seat. He took a deep breath and started the directions to Picani’s office...

+++

Roman was starting to get really sick of the sound of keys typing. He had been locked in the office for hours, trying to get paperwork done for the organization. He hated paperwork, especially on such short notice. He had been taking whatever short lunch break he had to just walk around the bunker and have an opportunity to stretch his legs. He stopped in front of Elliot’s room, his hand on the doorknob, to ask if they were hungry.

“It sounds like you love them.”

“Yeah. Maybe I do.”

Roman knew that eavesdropping was wrong, but could anyone blame him if he stuck around for a few more seconds, just for some context?

Eventually, his guilty conscience was too hard to ignore and he quickly made his way into the kitchen to at least attempt a meal. That is if black coffee and ramen count as a meal.

“A man of high taste, huh?” Virgil teased as he passed by.

Roman’s heart raced as he emptied the noodles into the pot. Did Virgil know he had been listening? “I could make you some if you want.”

“Nah, I had a turkey sandwich earlier,” Virgil said. “But have fun with your John Mulaney Piss Poor College Student Dinner Deluxe.”

“No one said it’s easy when Patton is on grocery duty,” Roman teased, turning around but easily finding himself chest to chest with Virgil and trying not to blush so hard. Was Virgil’s smirk always this adorable? The younger boy was at the same height as Roman’s lips, perfect for forehead kisses; was he allowed to be flustered by such a simple fact?

Virgil quickly moved out of the way. “No offense, but this place has never exactly had a five-star kitchen.”

Roman laughed, moving to a different counter to chop up some old vegetables for his noodles. “In our defense, all we have is Emile’s extra cash to feed us.”

“Do you think he’ll come back?” Virgil asked quietly. “Or- Or maybe I could hide in the back of the Jeep next time Patton leaves and- and then I can talk to him and say I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“I- And then maybe he will come back! Or- At least things will be okay again and- and- and-“

“Virgil, you need to calm down you’re getting hysterical,” Roman said. “You can’t leave the bunker. It’s still very dangerous for you out there.”

“But Emile-“

“Emile will be fine. You, however, won’t be.”

“But-“ Roman opened his arms wide and Virgil ran into him, hiding his face in Roman’s chest. Roman rubbed on hand on Virgil’s back as he hummed the gentle tune they had all been dancing to that morning.

“What if I lose Emile too?” Virgil asked quietly. Roman could feel the tears on his shirt. “I already lost my mom. I can’t lose him too.”

“You won’t,” Roman whispered. “This is just how Emile is. Sometimes he just needs to hide away for a while. Until the sadness subsides, you know? He’ll be back in his own time. He’s gone through a great loss and all we can do is give him time.”

“Okay,” he sighed. “Okay.”

“And Virgil? He loves you. Don’t think that this means he cares for you any less.”

“Your ramen is burning.”

“Oh fuck!” Roman yelled, running over to the stove and quickly moving the pot off the burner. He tossed in a few of the chopped veggies and stirred in the seasoning. “Not my best batch,” he teased, easing off the mild heart attack he was experiencing. “I’m usually better at cooking.”

“That’s half my fault,” Virgil teased, quickly wiping his eyes and seeming more than eager to change the conversation.

“Oh please, I’ve ruined plenty of Patton’s meals by being an attention whore,” Roman said. “The desire for Patton hugs waits for no man, woman, enby, or pot roast.”

“I believe that.”

“So uh, this is probably a bad time to ask,” Roman said as he poured his half-burnt half raw soup into a bowl. “But I’m working on getting Elliot transferred.”

“Transferred?”

“And I, well, I need to ask if you want to go with them,” Roman said. Despite knowing that Virgil would likely say “no” he couldn’t stop his heart from racing or his hands from shaking. “I know this isn’t really your thing. We can get you a tattoo and send you to a division in another country. You can start life all over again.”

“Start over?”

“And you won’t be trapped underground,” he said through a forced smile. “But it’s up to you. It wouldn’t take long to do the paperwork once I get Elliot’s set up.”

“Leave,” Virgil said slowly as if the word left a bitter taste on his tongue.

“You know, repeating everything I say isn’t much of an answer.”

“Right, I’m sorry,” he said. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to give me an answer straight away. It’s okay to take your time.”

“No, that’s not what I meant I- I think that paperwork is completely unnecessary.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You know, I have an anxiety disorder and I, well, I don’t like change soooo.”

“So?”

“You’re really going to make me spell this out for you, huh?”

“It’s a simple question, Virgil.”

“I want to stay,” he mumbled. “As cliche as it sounds, you guys are like a family to me. I don’t want anything to ruin that.”

“Oh, Virgil,” Roman said with a smile. We love you too.

+++

Patton hated going anywhere empty-handed, which is why he was currently walking into Dr. Picani’s office with a box full of chocolate donuts. He had expected to find Emile alone and silently working on paperwork, what he found instead was the flap of a butterfly’s wings that started a storm.

Or perhaps it was already a storm from a butterfly of long, long ago.

“Emile, I didn’t realize you have patients.”

“Patton!” Emile yelled. “What are you doing here?” He seemed to be in the middle of a fight with a tall, brunette woman and a short boy with cotton-candy hair.

“I came to see how you’re doing. And, uh, give you these,” he said, putting the box of donuts on the table. The young boy immediately went for the box of donuts and started eating one.

“Patton, I’d like to introduce you to Mrs. Bianchi. Mrs. Bianchi, this is my old friend, Patton Hart.”

“Bianchi?” Patton asked, eyebrows raised. “Any relation to the wanted fugitive?”

“Who’s asking?” Nicole asked, her voice dripping with poison.

“It’s okay,” Emile said. “We’re all on the same side.”

“Nicole is Virgil’s mother. She’s trying to find him.” “And I need to find Elliot!”

“Kai,” Nicole whispered, “you need to calm down.”

“NO!” Kai yelled. “I need to know where they are!”

“Elliot’s with Virgil,” Patton said. “Both of them are only an hour’s drive away.”

“Oh my God,” Nicole gasped. “He’s okay.”

“Elliot’s on their way to being transferred, though,” Patton said.

“Transferred?”

“The bunker only has room for so many,” he explained, “and it’s not exactly a life living underground.”

“So, where are they going?”

“One of the other branches of our organization will take them and help them set up a new life.”

“And Virgil?”

“The choice to stay or leave is Virgil’s to make,” Patton said. “That is if he hasn’t made it already.”

“I need to see him,” Nicole pleaded. “Please, I need to see my son!”

“And you will,” Patton said. “But not today. You never know who could be following.”

“So what the hell am I supposed to do? Wait?!”

“With the knowledge that your son is safe and loved, yes.”

“Mr. Hart, I need to know, how is he doing? What has his life been like for the past few months?” Nicole asked. “You said my son is loved, how can I be so sure?”

“Virgil has spent the past few months living with and my two boyfriends, Roman and Logan, as well as Dr. Picani and his late queerplatonic partner, Remy- may God rest his soul- and I can assure you that we have spent all these months making sure that he is comfortable. As I have grown closer with Roman and Logan, the three of us have also grown to care for your son. I can only hope that no matter what, he is safe and happy.”

“Patton,” Emile whispered under his breath, a knowingness in his tone and the shine of his eyes.

“And I know he misses you, Nicole. Call me in a week and I can arrange for Emile to bring you to our hideaway.”

“Will Elliot still be there?” Kai asked.

“Of course,” Patton said. “As long as you can promise to see them, I’ll hold off on their transfer. You two deserve a proper goodbye.”

Kai blinked back a few tears and smiled. “Thank you, Mr. Hart. Thank you so much.”

“Of course, now if you don’t mind, I need a few minutes alone with Dr. Picani.”

“Of course, Mr. Hart,” Nicole said. “And thank you so much. I will be in contact with you in one week.”

“I look forward to it, Mrs. Bianchi.”

Nicole and Kai smiled as they left the room and Patton was quick to fall onto Picani’s couch.

“Patton, you really must warn me next time,” Emile said. “You know how I hate surprises.”

“You’re going to complain to me about surprises? That was a surprise, Em.”

“She shocked me too, but-”

“How long have you known?”

“What?”

“Nicole. How long have you been hiding the fact that she’s trying to find Virgil? How long have you hidden Virgil from her?”

“A month or two but-”

“A month?! Emile!”

“I didn’t want you all to lose Virgil!”

“Virgil needs his mother, Emile. As much as you care for him, and as much as I love him, he needs his mother.”

“He needs us too.”

“That’s his own choice to make.”

“I just... I thought this would be easier. For everyone.”

“Em,” Patton sighed, “it’s time to admit that you were wrong.”

“How can I make this up to you guys?”

“One week,” Patton said, getting up from the couch and heading out of the office. “I have frozens in the car.”

“Patton-”

“Enjoy the donuts.”

+++

When Patton got home, seeing Roman waiting for him seemed to be all that mattered. He parked the car and turned off the engine, lazily putting the keys in his pocket as he slipped out of the car.

“Babe, let me help you with the bags.”

“Shh, bags can wait,” Patton said, wrapping his arms around Roman’s neck and letting all of his weight fall onto his boyfriend.

“Long day?”

“Mhmm.”

“Want me to just shut up and kiss you?” he teased.

“You know me so well,” Patton said as Roman’s hand cupped his cheek and they closed the gap between them. Yeah, Patton thought, bags can wait.