#i sent it to the last active people on my dash in the past 30 mins.

[xluciifer]

[meandmyechoes]

The more I think about Dark Disciple, the more I find something odd.

[28th March 17:46]

I keep referring to it as a ‘favourable experience’, and there is no question the writing is what made me fall totally head over heels about quintress, but I also just, can’t?

I mean, yes. It’s very passionate, dramatic, scenes and gestures I can only dream of. But I also, don’t really see it in that ’omg they totally belong together here are my sixty headcanons of them’ sense?

I am very involved in the pairing, but also don’t really, actively ‘ship’ it — like the way it was an open book with Rhayme or Latts Razzi (since it’s the same author that indoctrinated me to Captain Rhayme). I could imagine them being happily ever after and silly shenanigans and slow-burn. But the concept of a quintress fairytale ending is so wild. I can only ask how much it is tainted with my personal view on relationships.

I know the plot leaves little room for “the future” and fed us well on all tropes possible. But, it just never occurred to me to put them in any other clichés or invent a missing scene.

Winding up, I don’t think their relationship is "weak", but it’s very motivated by circumstances and once you take that out of them, you are a little bit lost. For example even during the illicit affairs month, I… can’t really propose one date that does not seem tonally insensitive. (I can think of them being cloak dorks and Vos bringing her to ice-cream, that’s it, after a long hard moment) Really, all I possibly want is that sweet, sweet angst and canon is already there so I have no complaint.

It’s just… I don’t really get why it has to be the two of them that fall for each other. I understand why they did, and I believe it— Perhaps it’s much more a physical attraction thing that I don’t really have personal experience with.

I don’t know if quintress classify as slow-burn because 10 chapters still seem a little quick in the grand scheme of things. (aside: I’m quite disappointed Ventress wasn’t doing much in the last quarter of the book.) My point is, they do feel a little bit puppet to tropes, and while it’s deliciously written, there’s not much potential outside of canon. And that lack of inspiration makes me grimace a little.

[3rd April, 01:39]

I’ve scrolled through the dd tag and let the book sank a little. I am better articulated to talk about the sexist criticism now.

It’s a romance story, and when I judge it by that (lower) standard, it ticks the boxes. However, it might be a weakness as well, due to the projectability of the heroes. And yes, the whole assassination is dumb. Yet, tcw has been consistently this dumb at us. The last two times when she’s more rooted in the dark she failed, sent Savage and failed, so she’s gonna do it again with Vos… after she put down her desire for revenge. right. and surprise! Our “assassination” plan is to find Dooku and duel him directly. right…

I’ve read a review that says the romance takes away from the plot. However, the romance IS the plot. The book IS supposed to revolve around the two of them. I do agree them becoming begrudging allies then partners is a more unique approach, more rewarding as foils as well. but I guess a romance is easier for the conventional to process ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

With the “Ventress lose agency in falling for Vos”. Now, I can’t dictate how each of us buy into their physical attraction and chemistry (or lack thereof), and there’s no denial that a conscious human being is making that choice for the fictional character, I think the stance on this topic varied person to person from the above two factors, which are very different starting points.

I kept Katie Lucas’s foreword vividly in mind while reading. She said this is a story about people seizing chances to rebuild. That there’s always a choice. Cliché as it is, I believe ~the power of love~. I believe there exists someone you’re willing to sacrifice everything for, to overlook everything for, to forgive - to love them, warts and all. So, yes whether you think Ventress loses her agency to the romance, or if that’s a conscious choice on her behalf, is swayed heavily by how much you buy that they are the one.

[10th April, 10:30]

Yesterday I’ve been thinking a bit more about this. I do love this ship, I just don’t believe they’d be two people who find each other again and again in every life time, in every universe. That’s why, as magnificent as fireworks, it also won’t last.

To explore this, it’s not entire impossible for quintress to separate peacefully after this incident, but would that cheapen the build before? The entire motivation of dark!Quinlan hinges on his vision of their future. And say, Ventress did saved him and survived. How would he balance being a Jedi and his feelings - that’s publicly exposed to the Council? (sidenote: i really don’t like Ch. 27 where a bunch of old men are questioning their love life, but uhhh yes, I’m a sensible person!) For now, I’m seeing another Obi-Satine situation. And honestly how bad that an outcome is. It’s not like Ventress died for her war crimes! The show gave her a full pardon! So Idk man. Why can’t she leave him because she loves him and she exiled herself and they never see each other again WHY NOT FILONI WHY NOT.

Now I’m lamenting more what could’ve been with the two arcs. In Filoni’s original sketch, Aayla and Maul were involved. Man, that could’ve been the dream.

~~~

Part 2: [26th April, 15:15]

It has been… a month, since I finished Dark Disciple and I feel like it’s time to conclude all the thinking this book has made me do.

On the wider reflection about attachment and the Jedi Order, I still have to do more reading on it from other sources to form a concrete opinion. This theme won’t be touched on in this post yet, but I cannot shake how intriguing it is to compare “falling” in love to falling to the dark side. The temptation, and the submission to their emotions, the irrationality, the newfound curiosity, it all incites. Very curiously, it was Anakin Skywalker who commented that one is “blinded by love”

Okay, so what I’ve been scratching my head off the past two weeks is how I look at the romance between Asajj Ventress and Quinlan Vos. How would I define it?

Now this is as much as an exploration of how I view romantic relationships. Well, I’ve decided it wasn’t “love”, it was an “affair”. It was an affair because it’s a rush of passion, it’s a secret, it won’t last. Before I chop my own head off for bluntness, I mean it in, of course they are hopelessly in love with each other, that’s the exact premise of why it moved me so. But it wasn’t a complete relationship, wasn’t a healthy, sustainable one by any objective standards. Then, that’s the exact contradiction. Oh to throw caution in the wind with you, or to build a future with you?

Both are things I want a lot, and the ideal is of course one after the other. What quintress had (in the end) is definitely not something I’d want for myself, but it’s so fantastical, it’s alluring, just like the concept of falling in love - opening up yourself and trusting another person, is - it’s risky. That’s why it’s a sweet, sweet drug.

I’ve been so angry at all the red flags in this relationship. Reading this book, getting into both of their shoes, yelling NO like their best friends. But ultimately, what they had is unique to them and I can’t influence it in any way. Re-reading, I find myself holding myself back at all the places I was furious about going ‘You are smarter than this!’. Because it’s a tragedy, and the beautiful (I guess) thing is they chose each other.

The other day something on the dash inspired me to really think about ship dynamics. I, unashamedly admit, I’m VERY into Obi/Quin/Ventress in any and all combinations. *cough* I will not explain further.

I do accept the premise and I did discover they share quite a bunch of traits, but it confused me a while what made them cross the boundary, and it was, physical attraction (that the book was selling so hard I was blushing hot). I love them both a lot, and I would like to date them both, and I can see myself in either of them. Again comes the contradiction, is it a good thing to have characters so easily projectable, or do I want to see myself in more complex characters like them?

I probably lost quite a few cars stalling this train of thought. And I've been a canon apologist since forever. This book brought me a lot of emotional upheavals and a lot of food for thought. It brought me down to reflect on my romantic worldview and sexuality because I have nothing better to do. It totally challenged me as a writer and it’s just a really good novel by its right, regardless of the absurdity that is The Clone Wars. It’s a lot of firsts for me. And I really should find something better to do.

[26th April 16:00]

I must address that I got spoiled of the ending and the first and second half of the book probably went through some big changes.

If I cried for this book, it’s score would be even higher. And I’ve been so obsessed with discussing the relationship, without shedding light on the characterization, which is definitely an unfortunate side effect. Then it occurs that quite possibly the second half (26-42) deviated even further from the script than the first? It doesn’t have concept art or blocking, plus possibly (heavily) edited to omit correlation to other arcs. My major complaint for the second half is Ventress doesn’t do much and we know NOTHING about Vos, even though he is given screen time in the book. my, I just wish Ventress punch him harder and drag his idiotic mess back to the light sooner.

And to criticism about it being their ‘toxic’ relationship being portrayed as ‘true love’, well, it really depends on how thoughtful the reader is, right? I think if the reader is able to notice all these red flags and gave their own interpretation of the relationship and its outcome, it’d’ve been an educating experience. There’s what for the reader and what for the characters. They don’t know this ‘love’ is destroying them, and what kind of message is it sending? What ‘love’ depicted in the book is true then? I have my answers, and I hope every reader comes to their own as well.

[pl-panda]

Of Heaven and Hell

Credits: Miraculous Ladybug team for the elements I take from MLB show. DC for their characters, @ozmav for the AU, @maribat-archive for giving me access to so many different stories to have take inspirations from, @ethelphantom for the cover I use at Wattpad and FF.Net and Me for the plot.

------------------------------

Of Heaven and Hell: Part 1

--------------------------

Of Heaven and Hell

From Encyclopedia Demonica

[...] and while many people consider angels epitomes of good, they are mistaken. Indeed, this regal beings are more closely connected to order than to goodness. They perceive divine law as imperative and hold little regard to human lives, as long as they serve their goals. And yet, most of the times they chose to not involve themselves in mortal affairs.

Typical angel have two forms. First look very similar to human, but they retain most of their powers. Such form is also much more durable and their physical capabilities exceed everything you could expect from a mortal. Second is close to the first one in appearance, but differs in terms of power and abilities. In this form Angel spreads his wings and feature specific to his sub-species appear. 

Angel’s powers differ on subspecies, but universally include flight, enhanced senses, enhanced agility, strength and durability, large magical potential, access to magic unique to their species and high resistant to other types of magic. Specific subspecies have different additional powers. Each Angel also possess an ability that is unique to him. Usually, it reflects his personality and present itself when it reaches maturity. [...]

--------------------------------

Six years ago

Damian cursed under his breath. The temple was under attack. His mother told him to get inside. And he did. He ran to his room to grab his sword. A beautifully ornate weapon with guard in shape of two intertwined pairs of angel wings pointing toward the blade. Great for complicated maneuvers. The pommel held a teal pearl also protected by a pair of angel wings. It was a gift from his grandfather for his eighth birthday. The weapon was perfectly balanced and suited Damian’s style perfectly. 

With the sword in hand, Damian unfolded his wings. His tunic had a special holed cut in the back to accomodate for them and he didn’t destroy every shirt he wore. A pair of large white feathered wings appeared and he dashed forward to battle. He couldn’t let his mother die. A small orb of white energy appeared in his hand before he launched it at the wall in front of him. The explosion created enough of a hole for him to pass. 

In front of him opened a large yard. Usually, a new acolytes trained here under careful watch of angelic masters. Now it was simply a blood bath. Bodies were lying everywhere. But what shocked him the most was that angels were fighting one another. Some wore League’s armors, but overwhelming force was dressed in black-and-orange suits. He wanted to dash forward and into the battle, but someone grabbed him and pulled him into the shadows. A slender figure of his mother looked at him sternly.

“I told you to go inside.”

“Mother! I came to fight with you. I must fight with you. By your side. Together. It’s my destiny!”

“Your destiny is to live Damian.” She scolded him. “Now quickly. Let’s move. Some battles can’t be won.”

“But… what about the mission?” He asked confused.

“Mission will live in you and me. Now let’s go join your grandfather in the tunnels.” She started leading him away.

--------------------

Damian woke up from the dream. He instantly grabbed his sword and swung it around. Only then he realized that is was just a memory. He looked around his room, assessing any dangers. Once he was sure that nothing lurked in the darkness he got up. It was still night and quick glance at the electronic clock told him that it was 3:30 AM. Long time before others wake up. But Damian did not want to go to sleep anymore. He never did after this kind of nightmares. 

He got down to the holo-training room and activated the highest setting. A series of ninja shimmered into existence. Without as much as a second of hesitation, Damian dashed forward. His silver sword cut through them as he zoomed through the arena. With each move, he took two of the enemies. A slight golden aura around him intensified as he burned through his anger. Finally, he collapsed, panting heavily from exhaustion. The “kill counter” showed that he was halfway to a thousand vanquished enemies. He was weak. He was useless. He ran away. He was no warrior but a mere coward.

But it was not true. He did the right thing. Because he ran away he met his father. He actually started to protect people instead to only try to control them. He was a nephilim, half angel, half human. He had all the powers of his angelic brethren and yet freedom to choose. He didn’t need to follow orders of higher beings. He could make his own decisions. And he chose to be a hero, not a warrior. Now, each day he reinforced this decision. First as Robin, fighting side by side with his father, now as… still Robin, but as a part of Teen Titans. 

“You okay Demon Spawn?” A voice of Dick Grayson, better known as Nightwing, came from behind. Damian instantly spun around and stopped his blade less than an inch from his neck. 

“Don’t do that if you want your head to remain where it is.” he scowled at the sight of his adopted brother’s patronizing gaze. “And don’t look like that.”

“Like what?” Dick asked confused. 

“Like I am a baby in need of your care. I am sixteen-years-old Nephilim. I am more than capable of taking care of myself.”

“So that’s why you are awake at five in the morning? Taking care of yourself?”

“Get lost.” Damian barked and started to practice katas with his sword. He had his back turned to dick when suddenly he spun around just in time to block a projectile that was tossed at him. 

“Come on bro. You and me. One on one. First to score three hits.” Dick taunted. 

“I am stronger, faster and more agile. You stand no chance.” Damian said in emotionless expression. He looked at Dick for a moment before taking off his tank-top. “And I can fly.” He grinned at the surprised Nightwing. A pair of white-feathered wings appeared on his back. 

“And yet I kick your rear every time we fight.” Dick smirked and drew his staff. Both ends started to crackle with electricity. 

Damian boosted himself forward with a single flap of his wings. His silver sword met with the staff, but before he could cut it, Nightwing sidestepped and allowed blade to slide down. He used the Angel’s momentum to his disadvantage. Damian’s blade stumbled upon crackling electricity, sending a powerful shock through his arm. Normal humans would be paralyzed by this, but Damian only growled. It hurt, but he could fight. Damian tried several more times, but Dick always reflected or sidestepped before the blade could do any real damage. Finally, the Angel changed tactic. Flapping his wings, Damian rose into air. His off-hand glowed with golden light which next formed a runic circle around his fist before several projectiles flew at various arcs toward Nightwing. The hero had to dodge it quickly, but got caught by the last one and got sent into the wall. Damian didn’t bother to check on him. Instead, he dashed forward. Before Dick managed to get rid of flying stars around his head a silver blade was less than an inch from his neck. 

“I win.” Damian proclaimed, looking smug.

“Nope.” Dick said, popping the ‘p’. He then used his staff to jab Damian’s stomach, then jump on his fit and separate his weapon into two escrima sticks. He then started to barrage the teenager with series of swift hits. While they would not usually hurt given angelic durability, the crackling electricity made it a bit painful. Damian shielded himself with his wings, but Dick found an opening and landed third and final hit that ended the fight.

“That is cheating! I had you!” The teen argued.

“So? You lost me. But good fight D. Maybe next time.”

“tt. That’s unfair! I want rematch!” 

“Boys!” Kori joined the discussion. “As much as watching you fight is… entertaining, I made breakfast.” She said cheerfully while walking to nightwing. “And something special for you later.” She said seductively.

“Bleh.” Damian faked vomiting. “I will never understand humans.”

“You are part-human.” Dick pointed out

“And so is neandertales. Yet he doesn’t understand humans.” The teen deadpanned. 

“I heard someone say breakfast!” Beast Boy barged into training room.

“I made pancakes.” Kori cheered.

“With maple syrup?” Gar asked 

“And ‘love’.” Damian gave a sarcastic remark.

“So the best ones.” Beast Boy said with dreamy face. “I reserve the first batch!” He said while already dashing to the kitchen. 

“Scarab said he detected pancakes!” Beetle said while zooming past the room in his full armor. Damian, Dick and Kori walked in normal pace, only to find Gar and Jaime staring wide-eyed at Rachel sitting there and calmly eating her breakfast. 

“Took you long enough.” She said with a small smile. The red gem on her forehead pulsed weakly, but it was ignored in favor of consuming inhuman amounts of pancakes. Damian himself didn’t even realize that he finished three plates before Dick pointed it out to him. He turned pink for a moment before jumping away and claiming the remote for the day. 

After the morning of cartoons Titans spent rest of the day on the beach near the island. Half-way through Dick and Kori disappeared and when the sun started to set Rachel and Garfield also went somewhere. Jami, Damian and their newest addition to the team: Cyborg, were completely obvious to this as their discussion came to sport. 

“I’m just saying. Futball is the best game. Soccer is cool, but it’s for kids.” Victor argued.

“You say that, but last I checked Soccer was much more popular around the world.” Jami pointed out proudly. “Besides it requires much more skill and finesse. Futball is about pure muscle mass.”

“As if! Have you got any idea how important tactics, positioning, territorial awareness and condition are in Futball?”

“tt. The best sport is sword-fighting anyway.” Damian grinned at them. Inwardly, he loved this family. Sure, living with his father was great, but here he finally had one thing he missed so much: friends. They weren’t patronizing like Todd. They weren’t constantly trying to prove something to him like Drake and Grayson was even bearable here. That is if he didn’t act all sugar-eyes for Starfire. Is he even aware she is an alien princess and he is a peasant acrobat? 

As the sun was finally down, the titans made a giant bonfire on the beach and roasted marshmallows. As Damian was about to eat his, suddenly a large yellow balloon sailed toward him. He tried to catch it, but his enhanced strength made him accidentally squash it instead. A wave of water assaulted him and made him wet to the very bones. 

“Beast Boy!” He roared in anger. One thing he hated in the Titans were the constant prank wars that lasted for weeks. 

*gulp* “Will it help when I say that I aimed at Jaime?” Garfield asked weakly. 

“No hermano. It will only make it worse.” Blue Beetle looked practically offended, but he had a small smirk on his face. 

Damian took off his t-shirt and tossed it at Beast Boy. His hand then glowed and a runic circle materialized around it. Garfield tried to run, but a golden beam hit him in his rear and suddenly his fur turned completely gold. He looked like some some hardcore sports fan supporting his favorite team.

“That’s not fair! I only tossed a small water balloon. You could cool off a bit bro!” Garfield tried to argue weakly while massaging his rear.

“Suck it up like a man and stop whining like little girl…” Damian said, but then looked at Rachel who sent him a death glare. “Not that I have anything against little girls?” He added quickly.

After that the atmosphere were great. Garfield was still a bit sore on the subject of his new color and decided that he will appreciate his green from now on. Finally, Damian excused himself and went to the tower to go to sleep earlier. As he entered his room, he felt a breeze of air going on. He distinctly remembered that his window was closed and nobody would enter without his permission. A glyph on the doors made sure of that. His sword appeared in his and and a glowing runic circle formed above his head. A less known fact about Angels was that their Halo was in fact a spell that allowed them to sense other Angels in close proximity. It also gave enough light to serve as convenient source of light. Not that they needed it as they saw in anything but perfect darkness. Damian would never admit out loud that he used it when he wanted to draw something in the middle of the night. 

“Hello… Mother.” He said with disdain in his voice. 

“It’s good to see you too Damian.” She responded with sarcasm. 

“Why do you grace me with your presence?” If Talia’s voice was dipped in sarcasm, Damian drowned in it. 

“I need your help.” She said, ignoring the obvious disrespect. “There are several demons in Paris.”

“So?”

“The city is warded against all things celestial. And magic hides it from your precious Justice League. Had any Angel tired to go there, he would not be able to enter the city. Should anyone else hear about the situation, they would forget it as soon as the discussion ended.”

“So? From what you are saying is true, Mother, then I am twice as locked out as anyone else. I will forget about it the moment you leave.”

“That’s why I need you.” She said with almost pleading voice. “You aren’t a full angel, but your mind is protected from the spell. You should be able to enter the city and remember everything.”

Damian pondered it for a moment. It did seem like something serious. If what she said was true, the whole city was at the mercy of those vile monsters and couldn’t even hope for any external help. “Fine. I will go there.”

“Good. I already enrolled you at Collège Françoise Dupont” She said with a wicked grin. With a flap of her two pairs of wings she was gone, leaving only a thin folder on his desk. Damian cursed under his breath. 

“Looks like I’m going to school. tt. I hate teenagers.”

--------------------

Taglist: Open

[astrclisms-blog]

You are everything I despise about what roleplaying has become. A bunch of stuckup private people. Roleplaying used to be about making friends and having fun. The RPers choose YOU not the other way around, you can be selective about who you want to rp with but ignoring people because you aren't following them yet? Before they even have a chance? For just saying hello? Disgusting. The RPC needs to shun private rp blogs and go back to being open and RP with everyone.

How are we suppose to become mutuals if I’m not allowed to interact with you? And I’m a side blog… It’s impossible to find new people to rp with.

What do you think of me meme? - Accepting

Go on ANON and tell me what you think of me. I do not want to know who it is, at all. Don’t tell me who it is, don’t give me hints, don’t say your screen name. Tell me exactly what you think of me. Don’t sugarcoat things. Don’t lie. If you hate me, tell me why. Tell me what I’m doing wrong. If you like me, tell me why. Tell me exactly what you think of me.

I’m putting these both here because from what I can gather… These asks are both sent by the same person simply because of how close they where time frame wise when I received them along with how similar the writing is. Plus I believe you’re the same individual who sent me an ask related to this back in January. Here’s the ask if anyone is curious. And if you are the same person who sent this I encourage you to read my response to your previous ask as well as this one as I doubt you even read it. And even if you aren’t the same anon as before, please read it because it will give some insight to some of the things you’ve questioned I believe.

Anyways. To answer the the small ask I sent that I have put in this post just so I didn’t have to make two posts about this. The part about being a side-blog. My rules literally state the following in relation to any and all side accounts. 

The General Info Section

The Following/Unfollowing Section

If you have a personal account with a side-account. Tell me. But if you’re an RP account who just so happens to have a few side RP accounts as well, then there’s a good chance I know that you do. Lucky for you anon is that if you are in dead a follower (which I’m pretty certain you are if I’m being honest) I at this current moment and time know which followers of mine have a side account. 

Enough about that however. Onward to the big ask now. And the response to this one is going to be extremely long so I apologise in advance but I do hope you read it. 

To start of. It’s kind of obvious you haven’t read my rules in the slightest. Specifically because I state the following in my rules in the first section might I add:

The General Info Section

If you don’t like how I run MY account. Then go. Leave. It’s literally stated in my rules right there. I don’t have time for people like you. In fact, I don’t even wish to befriend people like you who act like an entitled brat. What makes you think you’re entitled to my time at all? News flash hun. You aren’t. You aren’t entitled to my time in any way shape or form. That’s like saying every stranger you walk past MUST say hello to you. The real world doesn’t work like that at all. You are NOT entitled to my time. You are NOT entitled to write with me. You are NOT entitled to befriend me. You are NOT entitled to receive anything from me in the end. That is life. You are NOT entitled to anything from me or anyone else.

Now lets address your message and I’ll do so by looking at it in parts. Mainly the parts that greatly stick out to me. 

‘A bunch of stuckup private people‘

Now. I don’t consider myself stuck up in the slightest. Some people might think I am due to howI run my account but then again we have different views on people and that is life and it happens. But let me elaborate as to why I am private and to an extent selective. I am private and selective because I don’t wish to clutter my dash with people I don’t want to write with or see myself interacting with at all. It’s why I prefer to interact with mutuals only and am picky with who I follow at times. 

I used to not do this and write with everyone. But I got overwhelmed. On one account I had 1.3k followers and starter calls could get like 20-30 likes sometimes and it just wasn’t doable. I couldn’t do it and people would get mad at me if I didn’t write them a starter. It took a massive toll on me mentally and emotionally when I ran my accounts like this in the past.

I am private for my own health and safety. So I’m not overwhelmed by threads and so I don’t have to force myself to write with fandoms I don’t know/aren’t a fan of. So I don’t feel overwhelmed with interactions and stress when I can’t interact with everyone who wants to write with me. That’s just a few of the reasons I am private. I can’t speak for everyone but generally people are private and selective for many different reasons. People have different experiences during their years of roleplaying and because of that they become private for many different reasons. 

Me becoming private and selective was due to my own health and safety in the end. 

‘The RPers choose YOU not the other way around’

So, from what I gather from this. You’re basically saying that ‘people get to choose to interact with me if they want to but I myself can’t choose who I want to interact with’. Like correct me if I am wrong but from what I am gathering, that’s exactly what you’re implying. Implying I don’t get to have a choice in who I wish to interact with. 

Fun fact. That is highly toxic behaviour and view points my dear anon. If you think that, think that it’s okay for you choose to follow me but then state I can’t choose if I want to follow or interact with you, that I should interact with you just because you show interest! Then you shouldn’t be rping in the first place because guess what? People can pick who they wish to interact with. 

That’s like saying to someone you meet ‘I have chosen to be your friend but you don’t get to decide if you want to be my friend or not you are my friend and that is that’. Like do you see how unrealistic that is? See how toxic that is? No one would be your friend if you did that! As I’ve already said. You’re NOT entitled to my time. No one is. And at the same time, I’m NOT entitled to peoples time either. If people don’t want to follow me back or interact with me because they aren’t interested in who I write or how I run my account? That is fine as it is life. You aren’t going to interact with or want to interact with every rpier out there and every rpier out there isn’t going to interact with or want to interact with you. 

‘You can be selective about who you want to rp with but ignoring people because you aren’t following them yet? Before they even have a chance? For just saying hello?’

So the continuation to the statement from above! Now with this part you’re saying that I CAN be selective with people? Only to go on and state I’m ignoring people before giving them a chance when I am being selective! My dear anon you have no idea what I do when I consider following someone so here is a break down because I look at every account as an equal if they follow me first. Same if I go looking through accounts and follow them first. So.  

I look at new followers when I get the opportunity as I am not here at all hours of the day and even then sometimes I’m too tired to read peoples information. In general I tend to skim bios and rules first. See how long they are. Sometimes I don’t have the ability to read a lot of information in one go so if there’s a lot of information I make note of the account to look back at once I’m able to read a lot of information in one go. I read rules and bios pages. Then verses and headcanon pages if you have them. If it’s a multi-muse I tend to read the bios on the muses I’m interested in interacting with and skim over other muses to see if there’s the chance to interact with them. Next. I look at your posts. I look at how you write your muse, to see your style of writing. I look at your ooc posts to see what you’re like as a person to see if you vague or complain about the rpc. I look to see if you’ve got drama and callout tags and see if you actively participate in stuff like that as well. I tend to not follow people who participate in a lot of drama or vague/complain about the rpc quite a bit because I don’t want that on my dash. If I am interested in interacting I will follow you or follow back. If not I will not follow you at all. I tend to not follow people who seem to ship with one particular muse for my own comfort as I don’t want to essentially become ship fodder.  If you write in a fandom I am not interested in or fond off I tend to not follow either. I also don’t follow if people don’t cut their rp posts because I don’t want my dash getting clogged by a thread that has like 20+ reblogs to it. 

I don’t ignore followers. I do look at them when I can. I’m not the fastest person at doing so but yeah. I do look at them and see if there is the possibility of interacting. I look at accounts and give each one a chance by looking at them all fairly and in the end decide if I WANT to follow them or not and interact with them.

So yeah anon. You’re right with I can be selective because it is my account. I get to do what I want with it. And if I don’t follow you, then it either means I haven’t checked your account out or I don’t have an interest in following/interacting with you because of some of the following. And with how you are acting, I don’t even want to interact with you in the slightest.

Also. I can assure you, that if you are the person who sent that last anon hate. You haven’t said hello to me once on this account. You just followed and that is it. If you wanted to say hello you’d have sent an ask of anon or on anon while stating your side account or even sent me a DM instead. If you are the person then I’m pretty sure you sent an ask stating your side account on my last account. Maybe things could have been different if you approached me privately but no. We went done the road of hate and trying to guilt trip me again!

I know I reblogged this meme. Asking for peoples honest opinions about myself. Like if you genuinely didn’t like how I wrote or acted I’d have accepted it because not everyone is gonna like everyone. But I didn’t think I’d get an anon like this again. On how I ran my account considering it’s my account and no one elses and I can do whatever the hell I want with it. 

So in conclusion anon. Leave. Get out. Skedaddle the fuck away because I will never want to interact with someone like you. Someone who acts like an entitled fucking brat and thinks I should interact with them just because they decided to follow me. Thinking that must mean I have to follow and interact with them too. Fuck no. It states it in my rules about shit like this and I’ll even show it for you. 

The Following/Unfollowing Section

Right there. There you go. It states right there on the topic of following and if you don’t believe me go ahead and look in my rules as it’s right there along with the other screenshots I made at the beginning of this ask.

Just. Unfollow me. I have a good idea who you are thanks to your last ask from around two months ago as stated earlier. Christ fuckin unfollow and block me again if this is you please. The only reason I think I know who this is is because of the last anon from two months ago. From when it was sent and how an account had unfollowed me and also blocked me. 

If you have issues with how I ran my account or questions then you should have spoken to me privately about it. I stated that a few times in my rules which you’d have seen if you read them along with various other things you’ve mentioned in the ask. If you read my rules you’d have seen I say ‘don’t follow me’ if you don’t like how I run my account and how to interact with me if you’re a side account. 

I want you to fuckin leave me alone now. You don’t like how I run my account. Congratulations. You’re human. You don’t have to like everything in the world! However!!! Doesn’t give you the right to harass me in the slightest about it or act like a fucking asshole.

I disgust you for running my account way I want to? Well guess what? You fuckin disgust me for thinking it’s okay to send this hate simply because of how I run my account and for trying to guilt me because of this. How about you stop being a fuckin melon and start acting your god damn age and not your shoe size. 

If you’re still pissed of you may speak to me privately of anon to explain why you felt this was the appropriate course of action but. Send it on anon. I’m most likely going to ignore it. I don’t need fake apologies from someone hiding behind a mask. If you do genuinely feel remorse and want to explain your actions, speak to me privately. I am willing to speak and listen to you but I will not wish to follow or interact with you due to your actions so please keep that in mind. 

Otherwise, if you’re just gonna send it on anon or just send me more hate and guilt then please skedaddle the fuck off to whatever planet your brain is on and never interact with me again.

[sennaleee]

Is this blog still active or did you maybe move to a different blog? I love your omorashi writing btw!

K hello it’s been like, what a year or something? But I’ve been getting a lot of messages lately (see above), and I’ve randomly been wanting to write, so we’ll all see how it goes with me maybe coming back?

Either way, short answer to the questions above: Yes, I’m alive. Yes, this blog is *technically* still active, although for Reasons I don’t post much. If you’re interested in my reasons, feel free to read under the cut, but since it’s entirely unrelated to omo, I won’t clog up people’s dashes with it, lol.

(Also thank you for the compliment, anon! I’m glad you like my writing! ^__^ )

(also whoa, okay, I absolutely thought I made a post about me going on hiatus and/or put it in my sidebar, but I just checked my blog and it is not there?? Apparently Last Year Me was more out of it than I realized, jeez. >.

SO. For my followers who have been longer than the past year, y’all know I’m in grad school. For people who don’t know that (and sorry, I am assuming the people sending me messages probably don’t know that, lol.), I am currently in my second year of graduate school and it is HARD okay very hard. I’m used to being an A+ student, but I’m lucky to get an A- as my final grade in anything, and am really more of a B student now. Which is fine! Things are tough, and the important thing is that I learn what I need to, but for the first year I struggled a lot with not feeling like I was good enough since I wasn’t performing how I always used to. So feeling like I wasn’t doing well enough in school kind of put me off doing anything other than schoolwork for awhile, so that was partially why I disappeared off the face of the planet.

The other reason is that I was diagnosed with both anxiety and depression a few months after starting school. The anxiety I’ve basically always had but the depression was new, so it was way harder to deal with. I only recently found a medication that actually gives me enough motivation to do anything other than get up, go to school, then come home and sit on the couch until I go to sleep at like 9:30.

So I have more energy now, but like I said before, am in second year of grad school. Second year is the hardest. To give you some idea, I spent the entirety of Friday studying for an online test, volunteered for the school most of Saturday, came home and studied more for the test, proceeded to take the test and got a low D (boooo), then moved on to watching recorded lectures so I’d be able to take an online quiz due today. Then Sunday I took said quiz, took another quiz due Thursday, took a test due Thursday, and started on homework also due Thursday. THEN I had 8 to 5 class today, and on it goes. (I’m really not complaining though … I love my school so much you guys it’s unreal. I don’t know what I did to get the chance to attend here, but it’s amazing.

BASICALLY my life is run by school, volunteer work, and mental illness, lol. And then between all of that, I have to do Adult Things like shopping and cleaning the house and taking care of my pets and remembering to eat dinner. I’m getting a handle on myself though, and things are looking up! Now that I’ve finally found something to treat the depression correctly, I’m feeling super energized and motivated and ready to try contributing to this blog again, so here I am. :)

No promises on how much I’ll be writing, and I’m probably going to start skipping around on the order of requests I have, if only because I think the oldest one I have is from, like, two and a half years ago and who knows if that person is even still on tumblr, honestly. Not to mention, with very limited time and even more limited energy, I need to pick my battles (i.e. what I write) very carefully. ^^;

(so basically what that means is if you have sent me a request and I haven’t yet filled it and you are Still Here and actually remember the request, send it again so I know you still want it and it will almost guarantee priority that way ok that’s all.)

Many thanks to anyone who bothered reading all that. I feel like I basically just ranted for no reason literally all that was asked was if I was still here, but I mean. I technically answered, lol. And I’m touched that there are still people reading my stuff even when I’ve been gone so long, guyssssss I don’t know what it says about me that one of the most influential things I’ve ever contributed to was this omo blog, but I don’t care it makes me happy anyway. ;u;

Also a billion hugs to all the followers who are actually still here (and even more to the ones that don’t immediately unfollow me when I post this and they remember they’re following me, haha. That happens every time. :P No judgment, lol.), since I know I’ve made so many promises about how I wouldn’t permanently disappear due to school and then I absolutely did and I spent so long writing this post that I don’t even know if I’ll be able to write any omo stuff to post before I have to go to sleep but I am going to try my darnedest to answer at least one omo ask okok thanks.

…I’m going to end this now because I am definitely rambling bye love you guys.

[tcm--holland]

threat // peter parker

request from @fragilefrances: Reader keeps getting threats and she keeps it to herself and when she disappears, Peter finds the threats and tries to find her before its too late

word count: 3.3k

a/n: hey guys! this my first time writing a request, so i hope you guys enjoy! i realize i didn’t do exactly what the request said, but i hope it’s still ok (sorry!!). unedited! this will get a part 2 soon! and starting next monday, i begin high school! it should be okay for the first few weeks, but i might get a lil busy so i hope y'all understand! i’ll still write as much as possible <3 and hope you guys enjoy this! warning for threatening and kidnapping themes. <3333

masterlist

___________________________

“So I thought about telling her that, y’know, I was kind of in an awkward situation there. But how are you supposed to do that with all these people around?”

“Mhm.”

“And then she had this idea, right, and I was like, ‘What are you doing?’ and she was getting this empty bottle and she said she wanted to play Spin the Bottle!”

“Uh huh.”

“She knows that I have strict boundaries with that stuff, and she still…” You trail off into silence for a few seconds. “Okay, Pete, I know you don’t care, but give me something to work with here.” You wait for a response, and then check to see if Peter is still on the other end of the line. “Hello?”

“Wait, what did you say?” You sigh audibly at this. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I was…zoned out.”

“It’s okay.” There’s a short pause.

“So what were you telling me?”

“Uh, it’s nothing important. Speaking of which, I’m getting a little tired. I’d better get going.”

“It’s not even eight, how are you tired already?” He sounds confused.

“I stayed up last night. I’ll see you.”

“Uh, okay then. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You hang up the phone call, feeling discomfort poke at you. Peter’s as close to a best friend you’ll ever have. You know him like the back of your hand. But recently he’s been a little weird around you. He’s always off in his own little world, thinking about something else. It was okay the first few times, but now you hardly have conversations with him anymore. You’re just worried if he’s okay sometimes.

Is this just a thing that happens when people grow apart? You gaze out of your tiny window into the not-so-tiny world. The sun is drowning in the horizon, the fiery orange and red tones fading away into pink, and then into periwinkle blue. The city is noisy, but in this transition between day and night, everything looks beautiful.

You think about talking to Peter. But where would you even begin? How do people have supportive conversations? You’re not very good at being helpful in this kind of situation. You move away from your window and flop onto your bed. You dig around your sheets for a minute before finding your phone. You Google ‘Why is my best friend being distant?’ and scroll through a few pages. If anything, this just depresses you more, so you decide to stop.

You’re about to close your phone when it dings with a text. Is it Peter with another half-assed apology? It seems you’ve been spared from that tonight. You scroll through your conversations, but you don’t see any new texts. You frown when you see an old text. Whoops, you forgot to text a classmate back about a quiz. The quiz that happened today. Yikes.

Well, you’re sure it’s okay. You set your phone aside to do homework. But as soon as you lift your pencil, your phone starts ringing. Without looking at who it is, you pick up, voice firm. “Peter, I’m sleeping. Bye.”

You pause, and then look at who’s really calling you. Whoever it was turned off their caller ID. Uh…weird. Is this a prank call? “Um…hello?” You say cautiously.

The silence hangs for what feels like an eternity. Unsettled, you hang up. You have a notification for a text. You open it.

Unknown: There’s a package waiting for you on your doorstep. Get it within fifteen minutes.

You frown. Is this one of your friends trying to play some sick practical joke on you? “Yeah? Or what?” You mutter to yourself, scoffing.

Unknown: [image attached] Or else something might just happen to him.

Your eyes widen when you look at the picture. It’s Peter, sitting in his bedroom. But…he’s, like, attached to the ceiling. He’s hanging upside down and reading a book. No, this must be digitally edited or something. That’s when you see two things. The digital clock, which reads the time right now: 8:37 PM. And a very familiar looking suit on the floor. The Spider-Man suit. You’ve never been more confused.

You feel a tight knot in your chest. How does this person know who Peter is? How do they know you? Who are they? How do they know that you know Peter? They’re not going to hurt him, are they? Why does Peter have that suit? Christ, is he the Spider-Man that you saw in a YouTube video a few days ago?

You look at your clock. Nearly five minutes have passed already. You don’t want to find out what they’ll do to Peter if you don’t comply, so you quickly stand up and fumble to unlock your door. You race downstairs and past a pair of worried looking mothers.

“Honey, is everything -” You cut one of them off as you step out of the apartment. Sure enough, there’s a small box sitting there. You scoop it up and dash back upstairs with it. You swallow, breathing heavily as you grab your phone. Another message pops up.

Unknown: Good girl. Give it to the hooded boy waiting in the alley by your building at 7:50 AM tomorrow. Don’t talk to him.

You try keep yourself together and think. Do you dare send a message?

You: who are you and how do you know me?

You: how do you know him?

No response. You didn’t really expect one, anyway.

You: you can do anything you want with me. just don’t touch him. please.

You don’t expect a response to that, either, but then, a message pops up.

Unknown: Follow your instructions without hesitation and he will go unharmed.

You set your phone down as you try to process everything. The first thing you do is cry, sobbing uncontrollably while you clutch a pillow to your chest. What do you even do? You want to call Peter, but you’re scared of what might happen. Whoever this is knows how dear he is to your heart. What do they know and what don’t they know? Is anything even private anymore?

You think about every memory you shared with Peter. That one time you ruined his new jeans by throwing a cupcake at him. Or when you sat on the floor and debated over Star Wars fan theories for a whole day. Or the countless nights you stayed up with him on Skype, talking endlessly. Or just a few months ago, when he kissed you and he thought you didn’t feel that way about him even though you did.

He’s not just the friend that went through thick and thin with you. You love him, goddammit. And now you don’t know what to do because you can’t imagine being in a world without him. You can’t even imagine him ever being hurt. At any other point in your life, the possibility that he might be Spider-Man would freak you out more than anything. But right now, you don’t care about any of it. You’re pretty sure that even Spider-Man can’t dodge a bullet when he least expects it.

You try to make yourself feel better about it all. So what, you move around a few packages and then they leave you alone. And then you can carry on with your life and have everything be okay. No biggie.

Still, a dark feeling disturbs you.

Having completely forgotten about your homework, you lay on your bed to sleep. You’re too frightened to sleep with the lights off, so you leave them on as you drift into an uncomfortable slumber. You toss and turn all night, racked with paranoia and fear. You hardly get any sleep. For the longest time, you stare at the ceiling. You just want Peter to be safe. You just want to protect him. The idea of protecting Spider-Man feels silly, but the picture ‘Unknown’ sent you lingers in your head. He’s still a kid, like you. He still has vulnerabilities.

You jolt when your alarm clock goes off, scaring you. You quickly switch it off. 6:30 AM. If you have to give the package to someone at 7:50, you’re going to be late for school. You guess one day won’t be too bad. You scrape your hair out of your face and put on your jeans and t-shirt from yesterday. The t-shirt says “May the force be with you” but the word “force” is replaced with the formula for force. It was a Christmas present from Peter.

At 7:30, you head outside to wait with the package in hand. It’s chillier than you expected, but you manage to stand there for twenty minutes. Goosebumps lines your exposed arms as you look around for the recipient. You realize that you didn’t even stop to think about what was in the box. You were so busy worrying about Peter that you forgot about it. What if you’re carrying meth or crack cocaine or something? What if you’re helping some illegal activity happen?

Just as you start freaking out over it, a hooded figure enters the alley. You’ve never seen the guy before, but he looks young. He can’t be older than seventeen. He stares at you expectantly. You open your mouth to say something but quickly shut it when you remember that you’re not supposed to say anything. You quickly hand over the box. To your surprise, he starts opening it. You watch, lips parted.

You expect him to take out something suspicious-looking, but instead he reveals a knife wrapped in cloth. He unwinds the cloth, and before you can even scream, the boy pins you to the wall. One gloved hand presses tightly over your mouth as you try and yell out. He presses the knife to your throat and you reflexively tilt your head back to try and create some space between your neck and the knife.

Oh god, this is it. This is the end. You think about how you should’ve been a little nicer to your moms, and how you should’ve apologized to a few people. You should’ve told Peter you loved him. And maybe kissed him again. His image flashes in your head. His warm, dark eyes that crinkle when he smiles at you. His soft lips against yours, hungry for something you’ve both wanted for an eternity. The way his dark brown hair flops onto his forehead and escapes the gel when he’s leaning over to work on a project. The look on his face right before he’s about to make a dumb joke that you’ll laugh at anyway. It’s all too sweet to let go of so quickly, but if it means saving him, you’ll do it without hesitation.

And then, as though the guy was having second thoughts, he steps back. He almost looks apologetic, but it might just be the lighting. Your heart’s still pounding out of fear as you fumble for your phone. What the hell?

Unknown: Wait until further instruction.

You look back up to yell at the boy, but he’s vanished. You glance into the darkening alley, and then out towards the street. Great, you don’t want your life threatened again anyway. You check the time. It’s nearly 8:10, and you’re already missing first period. You race out to go to school.

In second period English, Peter side eyes you the whole time, like he normally does. You normally do the same, but you can’t seem to bring yourself to look at him today. Your phone is on your lap in case you get a text.

Is he really Spider-Man? You tune out the entire class, until the teacher walks up to you. “Y/N, are you alright?” You jolt slightly in surprise when you see her.

“Uh, yeah, I’m fine,” you say quickly, tripping over your words.

“You didn’t seem to hear me for the past five minutes. Where’s your homework?” You’re acutely aware that the whole class is staring at you, including Peter. Your cheeks redden in embarrassment when you realize you didn’t do it last night. What are you supposed to say?

“U-Uh, I left it at, um, home.” Your voice is quiet as you look down, your face burning up. Everyone’s going to think you’re stupid and you don’t take school seriously. They’re going to think that instead of doing my homework last night, you were at Flash’s party getting drunk, and that’s why you’re being weird now. Ha. As if you’d even get invited.

You spend the rest of class being extremely embarrassed as you try and participate more. At the end of class, Peter walks up to you. Dejected, you try and walk past him, but he blocks your path.  You step around him, but he’s too quick. He grabs you by the arms this time, but then lets go when you show obvious discomfort. You walk out of the classroom, Peter right beside you. “What’s up with you?” He asks.

“Nothing,” you murmur, slightly annoyed.

“Oh, so you mean nothing as in totally ignoring me, having bags under your eyes, and not doing your homework for once in a blue moon. You look like you saw a ghost, you’re scared out of your damn mind. So don’t give me this bullshit about nothing being wrong, Y/N.” Is he mad at you? Suddenly, it seems silly to think he was the same person you fell in love with months ago. He seems completely different. The Peter you know wouldn’t get mad at you. His expression softens when he sees yours. “I’m sorry.”

“No, you know what, Parker, what’s wrong with you?”

By now, the halls are nearly clear except for those skipping. “What are you talking about?” Peter asks, confused. He looks kind of upset, because he knows you’re serious when you call him by his last name.

“You know what I’m talking about. You hardly talk to me, and you’re never paying attention when you do. If you don’t fricking like being around me, then tell me and I’ll leave you the hell alone! I thought we were best friends, and I thought that meant you could tell me anything. But whenever I ask, you say it’s nothing and I’ve been trying so hard to believe it. Because I trust you to tell me the truth when you think it’s time. But then the moment I start acting weird too, you just have to push it. Maybe I have my own secrets too. Did you ever think about that too? Maybe I put on a suit and I leap around kicking ass, too.” You spread your arms out, the angry look on your face quickly breaking apart. Peter’s eyes are wide as he stares, in complete shock. You can’t bring yourself to say anything else. You wipe the tears that start spilling from your eyes.

Peter tries to pull you into a hug, but you shove him away as hard as you can. Spider-Man can take a push, can’t he? But he winces anyway, simply watching as you walk away. You check your phone, and your heart pangs in your chest at the message.

Unknown: Don’t speak to him again.

You’ve never felt more alone, but at the same time, you can never truly be alone. You can’t even talk to Peter anymore, isolating you from the one person that matters most to you. But now you’re sure they’re watching you somehow. They’re watching your every footstep, they’re listening to your every word.

You instantly feel bad for yelling at Peter, as you always do whenever you get upset at him. You just can’t control your emotions around him anymore. For some reason, this all makes you want to protect him more.

God, you hate everything. You hate Peter for what he does but love him for who he is, which is a confusing thing all on its own. And he’s Spider-Man. And you’re doing scary ass things under the promise of his safety.

Your fingers brush against your throat. There isn’t a cut there or anything. Huh, maybe the knife just wasn’t that sharp.

Your phone pings with instructions to retrieve a box. For the next few hours, you’re forced to skip school as you obediently follow seemingly random orders. Thankfully, you don’t get any more knives shoved to your throat again. You just move things around, and you don’t even have to deliver things to anyone.

Over the course of the day, you start to calm down a little. It’s only now that you begin to question the person’s motive of threatening you with Peter. Do they want something from you? Or something from Peter? Peter is more likely, with him being Spider-Man and all. But all Spider-Man does is stop robbers and help old ladies out. He just doesn’t seem like a person worth targeting for the reason that he might be a threat to criminals.

You’ve had missed calls from him all day. He must be wondering where you went, but every time you even get the urge to call back, you remember the harsh warning you were given to not talk to him. He sent you tons of texts, too.

Peter: where are you???

Peter: y/n please!! i’m worried about you, just tell me you’re safe and i’ll stop.

Peter: i know you’re mad and you don’t care, but i really care. just tell me if you’re home or something. i won’t come visit you if you don’t want me to. i just need to know if you’re in a safe place. that’s it.

Messages like this continue on until a few scrolls. Finally, they come to a stop and then Ned texts you.

Ned: Hey Y/N Peter looks like he’s going to have a panic attack

Ned: It’s really bad and he won’t listen to me

Ned: Just tell him you’re okay so he’ll stop freaking out

Ned: Dude you realize he’ll put on his suit and try and find you if you don’t respond soon right

You take a deep breath and look away, pained inside. You don’t want to think about Peter getting anxiety over you. At least he’s alive. And when all of this is over, you can tell him everything and he’ll understand. Because he’d do the same for you. That’s just the kind of people you and Peter are. Your thoughts are cut off when you see you got a message from ‘Unknown’.

Unknown: Go back to the alleyway by your apartment and wait.

Unknown: This is the last message you will receive.

Something about this feels weird to you. Wait for what? This is a vague message, which is unusual considered the pattern of very specific messages. Nonetheless, you begin making your way home. Your phone keeps buzzing with messages, probably from Ned. You keep yourself going with only one thought in mind. It’s almost over. Just one more thing to do, and then it’s all over. You just hope Peter will be okay.

You finally get to the alleyway as the sun moves downward. It won’t be sunset for a few hours, unfortunately, but it’s not like you would be able to see it from down here anyway. You’re nervous, and there’s a very odd feeling in your gut. It’s giving you a very clear message. RUN. You ignore it, looking over your shoulder to see if anyone’s coming. No one.

You wait there for a while, realizing how exhausted you are from running around the city all day. You probably have so much homework to catch up on, and you owe an explanation for not showing up to most of your classes. Your phone buzzes again, and you finally look at it.

Mom: Honey, why did your mother and I get an email saying that you didn’t go to any of your classes other than English today?

Mom: You know that you can talk to us about anything. You can tell us the truth.

Shit. You are so screwed when you go home. You quickly start thinking of excuses, because you obviously can’t tell them the truth in this situation. As you worry over this, you don’t notice that someone is behind you.

Suddenly, you feel metal clang against your skull, and you’re gone. You drop the ground instantaneously, unconscious.

__________________________

tag list:

@thelifeofanengineeringstudent

@deans-angel-of-thursdays

@half-superhero

[cavesalamander]

Do you have any queer book recs? Preferably not the kind where it's like a coming out book or a Queer Struggle™?

Thanks for the ask!

Honestly I don’t go seeking out a lot of queer books for just that reason - also because being ace and mostly aro, I tend to go for heavy world building and action/adventure, with romance being mostly incidental, if there at all. Also series that last a while and let me know the characters really well.

I also don’t tend to read books that aren’t already at least somewhat popular, so if you want more indie queer book recs, please go check out https://twitter.com/tatehallaway this badass lady on the twitters. I haven’t read any of her books (yet, entirely because I haven’t read anything longer than a couple thousand words in way too long) but I met her at World Con where she hosted a panel on diversity in fiction. She’s a queer writer and is super approachable and friendly. I’m sure she’d be able to point you in the right direction, if not rec some of her own books!

I also would totally recommend checking out Mark Oshiro who recently wrote and got his own book published!! I’m super excited for him, and I’m gonna buy it at some point. His reviews of books are really entertaining too, and he gets pretty autobiographical during them. His fans often recommend queer books and TV shows to him too - so then you get to watch him cry when he realizes that this character that he fell in love with is SURPRISE GAY and he’s so happy he can’t with the emotions. (He’s also a total sweetheart in person holy crap. I got to talk to him at World Con too.)

There’s also TritonYA, which is a publishing house that is working on publishing queer YA genre fiction. I haven’t read any of the 3 books they posted so far because I don’t have the f o c u s these days, and none of them really caught my interest from the summary.

As for books I’VE read... (Apologies that these are like all from cis straight authors afaik, they’re just the ones who I read/ started reading 10+ years ago when I used to read all the time... and back then there just wasn’t the visibility of queer authors, and I didn’t go searching for particular books. I just don’t read very much anymore aaahhh!)

The Circle of Magic series by Tamora Pierce is FANTASTIC. It’s very much romance light - very heavy on the friendship and bonds between the four main characters. But one of the four MCs is lesbian, and there are other queer secondary characters. One of the other girls reads to me as ace/aro too, but that hasn’t been confirmed. (And like 99% of the time my hopes are dashed, but I can see Pierce actually writing an ace character who stays ace.)

Keep in mind that when the series starts they’re like 10, so romance doesn’t come into play until the later books when they’re 16, which is when one of the characters realizes she’s into girls and not boys.

The series is so good too. Pierce’s world building is so good always. She’s like my fuckin idol when it comes to how she does it. The lesbian chara’s character arc about realizing she’s into girls is handled pretty well IMO - the world as a whole isn’t homophobic, so the struggle is mild and mostly self discovery. And the romance is centered around the political struggles happening at the time - is the girl she likes flirting back bc REAL FEELINGS or bc SNEAKY POLITICS!? And SHOULD SHE STAY OR SHOULD SHE GO. Which, given the story as a whole, (and her other writings) this is pretty much in line with how a het romance would be treated.

Trials of Apollo and the Magnus Chase series by Rick Riordan are pretty good too. I don’t like Riordan’s worldbuilding like I love Pierce’s, and he’s writing as a cis straight man but his books are still a lot of fun. There’s a gay kid who gets a couple of POV chapters in an earlier series, (Percy Jackson) but he’s got a lot more of The Struggle going on in his story. (Kinda understandable considering he was born in the 30s, but still.)

Trials follows, well, Apollo who is unapollogetically bi because that’s canon greek myth. (Incidentally, one of his kids is dating the Struggle boy from before and they are very cute together, if a fairly background relationship). Apollo is also totally full of himself and hilarious, and his trials are of course gonna be about how he has to eat a big fuckin slice of humble pie because that’s how grecian trials work. Only like one or two books are out so far, but it looks like it’s gonna be a lot of fun!

Magnus Chase is about a guy who dies and gets sent to Valhalla and becomes a demigod basically. In the second book, a third MC is introduced who is genderfluid/bigender, and by the end of it, Magnus is kinda crushing on her so, that’s cool! I’m not sure yet how it’s gonna be played, since Magnus so far seems to be striaght, and sometimes his love interest is a boy... but I have a pretty good feeling it’s going to be addressed.

Riordan’s a cis straight white dude but he’s definitely done his research. Some of the bits come off kinda “here’s my research laid out” but he started his first series with the goal of, “I want my son to see heroes who are like him. Heroes with ADHD and dyslexia.” And now he’s like “I have fans who are poc, and fans who are queer, and I want them to see themselves too.” And his stories are fun. Which is the important part, in my opinion!

Gunnerkrigg Court by Tom Siddell is actually a webcomic, not a novel, but the MC is most likely aro/ace, and her best friend is bi, who currently is in a relationship with another girl - and there’s at least two other queer couples in the story... and strong hints that one of the characters is a trans girl, and another that used to be a female rabbit but is now a male human, gender unknown as of yet. They didn’t seem particularly bothered by the change though.

It’s also a book about robots and magic and birds and ROBOTS and family legacy and friendship and love and R O B O T S!!! Listen it’s just REALLY GOOD OKAY? Please read it. Please please please!!

The Bartimaeus Trilogy by Johnathan Stroud is one of my all time favorite book series, though it’s the least explicitly queer. There’s no romance in it whatsoever, and the human MC reads to me as aro/ace. (The one time he feels something resembling sexual attraction, he realizes almost instantly that something is Wrong and that he was put under a spell. Lmao...) Human MC is also a ginormous fucking shitlord but I love him a lot, and compared to all the other shitlords in the series, he’s actually pretty moral.

Demon MC is also a shitlord, and somehow works as human MC’s moral compass. Also he’s hilarious. And okay, so... when I was younger, I never really read into anything. But demon MC has this boy from his past who he absolutely loves a lot. You can choose to read it whichever way you want, but it’s a very deep and strong love. QP is likely though unintentional hahaa! Very important... I really need to read the prequel book to see more into how the relationship developed...

A girl is introduced as an MC in the second? and third book. She’s Very Good and also not a love interest. Like it’s way easier to read into a romance between the demon and the boy from his past than it is to read into girl MC and boy MC.

Swordspoint by Ellen Kushner This one I actually got on rec from the librarian I asked for queer books. It’s an older book, like from the 80s and this one I’m pretty sure the author IDs as bi, so hey that’s at least one rec from a queer author. The book is just set in a fantasy world where sexuality is like WHATEVER! and everyone fights with swords and honor and the MC and everyone else are all total fucking pricks but also bisexual.

It’s the most adult and romancy book out of all of them, but the love scenes aren’t explicit or anything. Definitely a recommended read if you wanna see some earlier rep. The copy of the book I got from the library had a recommendation by GRRM on the cover - one that I think predated his rise to fame. You can definitely see why he’d like it. There’s lots of political drama, affairs, murder, swords, etc.

People die, and I don’t necessarily want to spoil you on if the MC or the MC’s love interest dies unless you want me to (You’re welcome to ask!), but it IS a romance, and it’s not centered around The Struggle at all, and I don’t think it counts as Bury Your Gays if EVERYONE is queer!

So that’s what I have off the top of my head. I only counted MAIN characters in this, none of that “someone was gay once in the background see? representation!!!” crap. And like I said, it’s been a while since I’ve really sat down and read anything in earnest. The Swordspoint book was the only one I found while I was actively looking for queer books, the rest is just happy happenstance!

Let me know if you have any questions, and feel free to reblog!

[meandmyechoes]

The more I think about my first romance novel, the more I find something odd.

[28th March 17:46]

I keep referring to it as a ‘favourable experience’, and there is no question the writing is what made me fall totally head over heels about quin tress, but I also just, can't?

I mean, yes. It's very passionate, dramatic, scenes and gestures I can only dream of. And it's all very bisexual and fantastical of me. But I also, don't really see it in that 'omg they totally belong together here are my sixty headcanons of them' sense?

I am very involved in the pairing, but also don't really, actively 'ship' it — like the way I have the ability to with Rhayme or Latts (since it's the same author that indoctrinated me to Captain Rhayme). I could imagine them being happily ever after and silly shenanigans and slow-burn. But the concept of a quin tress fairytale ending is so wild. I can only ask if this has to do with my personal view on relationships. Does this tie back to how I say the hottest thing a heterosexual couple can do is fuck (and the spiritual experience is emphasized with a same-sex partner)? - anyway, ace brain (probably) speaking.

I know the plot leaves little room for 'the future' and fed me well on all tropes possible. But, it just never occurred to me to put them in any other clichés or invent a missing scene.

Winding up, I don't think their relationship is 'weak', but it's very motivated by circumstances and once you take that out of them, you are a little bit lost. For example even during the illicit affairs month, I… can't really propose one date that does not seem tonally insensitive. (I can think of them being cloak dorks and Vos bringing her to ice-cream, that's it, after a long hard moment) Really, all I possibly want is that sweet, sweet angst and canon is already there so I have no complaint.

It's just… I don't really get why it has to be the two of them that fall for each other. I understand why they did, and I believe it— Perhaps it's much more a physical attraction thing that I don't really have personal experience with.

I don't know if quin tress classify as slow-burn because 10 chapters still seem a little quick in the grand scheme of things. (aside: I'm quite disappointed Ventress wasn't doing much in the last quarter of the book.) My point is, they do feel a little bit puppet to tropes, and while it's deliciously written, there's not much potential outside of canon. And that lack of inspiration makes me grimace a little.

[3rd April, 01:39]

I’ve scrolled through the dd tag and let the book sank a little. I am better articulated to talk about the sexist criticism now.

It's a romance story, and when I judge it by that (lower) standard, it ticks the boxes. However, it might be a weakness as well, due to the projectability of the heroes. And yes, the whole assassination is dumb. Yet, tcw has been consistently this dumb at us. The last two times when she's more rooted in the dark she failed, sent Savage and failed, so she's gonna do it again with Vos… after she put down her desire for revenge. right. ans surprise! Our "assassination" plan is to find Dooku and duel him directly. right…

I've read a review that says the romance takes away from the plot. However, the romance IS the plot. The book IS supposed to revolve around the two of them. I do agree them becoming begrudging allies then partners is a more unique approach, more rewarding as foils as well. but I guess a romance is easier for the convention to process ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

With the "Ventress lose agency in falling for Vos". Now, I can't dictate how each of us buy into their physical attraction and chemistry (or lack thereof), and there's no denial that a conscious human being is making that choice for the fictional character, I think the stance on this topic is really tinted by the above two factors, which are very different starting points.

I kept Katie. Lucas's foreword vividly in mind while reading. She said this is a story about people seizing chances to rebuild. That there's always a choice. Cliché as it is, I believe ~the power of love~. I believe there exists someone you're willing to sacrifice everything for, to overlook everything for, to forgive - to love them, warts and all. So, yes whether you think Ventress loses her agency to the romance, or if that's a conscious choice on her behalf, is swayed heavily by how much you buy that they are the one.

[10th April, 10:30]

So Mr. Partner has finished the book too. He didn't offer particular insights, but we discussed briefly the overall pace and bits of characterization. He did made me rolled with laughter describing Vos through a childish, tropey lens. Regarding the topic of this documentation - the quin tress relationship, I've been more or less really enjoying it as a guilty pleasure. I don't read romance novels at all, and this is tooth-rotting sweet angst. 

Yesterday I’ve been thinking a bit more about this. I do love this ship, I just don’t believe they’d be two people who find each other again and again in every life time, in every universe. That’s why, as magnificent as fireworks, it also won’t last.

It's very nostalgic to indulge in a heterosexual relationship, and pair it up with taylor swift songs. If I have a boyfriend as devoted as Vos, I'd fall one hundred percent. And if I'm faced with an bombshell like Ventress, I would not be able to have any agency I swear. Either way, in my headcanon, Ventress is happily away on adventures with Lassa :3

To explore this, it’s not entire impossible for quin tress to separate peacefully after this incident, but would that cheapen the build before? The entire motivation of dark!Quinlan hinges on his vision of their future. And say, Ventress did saved him and survived. How would he balance being a Jedi and his feelings - that’s publicly exposed to the Council? (sidenote: i really don’t like Ch. 27 where a bunch of old men are questioning their love life, but uhhh yes, I’m a sensible person!) For now, I’m seeing another Obitine situation. And honestly how bad that an outcome is. It’s not like Ventress died for her war crimes! The show gave her a full pardon! So Idk man. Why can’t she leaves him because she loves him and she exiled herself and they never see each other again WHY NOT FILONI WHY NOT.

Now I’m lamenting more what could’ve been with the two arcs. In Filoni’s original sketch, Aayla and Maul were involved. Man, that could’ve been the dream. I skipped to translating the last two chapters and all the way I was just fuming at how stupid it was. There are difficult technical terms but I really enjoy voicing the characters. But it just takes away bit of that formality and Shakespearean tragic factor having them talk in my native tongue???? haha

Prelude: [12th March 22:37]

since dark disciple heteronormatively gave Rhayme and Ventress boyfriends, I'm gonna go ahead and sign the charter that says "all sw characters are bi"

which got me thinking, I insist that Quinlan and Ventress must fuck (and I insist they did, with the implication from when Quinlan "had seen her by starlight, just her"), but why didn't I think that way with Rhayme and her? Maybe it's because the story never pushed me there. I'd wish it indeed have more to do with I'm aspec than internalized homophobia (that I look down on everyone), but I also think, fucking is literally the hottest thing a heterosexual relationship can do? Every selling point, either be appearance or intellect, leads up to the ultimate goal of reproduction?

But oh my god, space lesbians, beating up pirates, sharing a wine, teasing hairs and finger tips. That's so goddamn romantic

[edit: i know that is an extremely skewered and unfair view, but i’ve met maybe, one, boy on my intellectual level. it’s a game of probability ok]

~~~

Part 2: [26th April, 15:15]

It has been… a month, since I finished Dark Disciple and I feel like it’s time to conclude all the thinking this book has made me do.

On the wider reflection about attachment and the Order, I still have to do more reading on it to form a concrete opinion. This theme won’t be touched on in this post yet, but I cannot shake how intriguing it is to compare “falling” in love to falling to the dark side. The temptation, and the submission to their emotions, the irrationality, the newfound curiosity, it all incites. Very curiously, it was Anakin. Skywalker who commented that one is “blinded by love”

Okay, so what I’ve been scratching my head off the past two weeks is how I look at the romance between Asajj. Ventress and Quinlan. Vos. How would I define it?

Now this is as much as an exploration of how I view romantic relationships. Well, I’ve decided it wasn’t “love”, it was an “affair”. It was an affair because it’s a rush of passion, it’s a secret, it won’t last. Before I chop my own head off for bluntness, I mean it in, of course they are hopelessly in love with each other, that’s the exact premise of why it moved me so. But it wasn’t a complete relationship, wasn’t a healthy, sustainable one by any objective standards. Then, that’s the exact contradiction. Oh to throw caution in the wind with you, or to build a future with you?

Both are things I want a lot, and the ideal is of course one after the other. What quin tress had (in the end) is definitely not something I’d want for myself, but it’s so fantastical, it’s alluring, just like the concept of falling in love - opening up yourself and trusting another person, is - it’s risky. That’s why it’s a sweet, sweet drug.

I’ve been so angry at all the red flags in this relationship. Reading this book, getting into both of their shoes, yelling NO like their best friends. But ultimately, what they had is unique to them and I can’t influence it in any way. Re-reading, I find myself holding myself back at all the places I was furious about going ‘You are smarter than this!’. Because it’s a tragedy, and the beautiful thing is they chose each other (I guess).

The other day something on the dash inspired me to really think about ship dynamics. I, unashamedly admit, I’m VERY into Obi/Quin/Ventress in any and all combinations. *cough* I will not explain further.

Aside, the elephant was I’ve never been in a relationship or felt physically attracted to any person in my life. I suppose that’s a reason it took some time for me to really buy into them more than friends. I do accept the premise and I did discover they share quite a bunch of traits, but it confused me a while what made them cross the boundary, and it was, physical attraction (that the book was selling so hard I was blushing hot). But what really frustrates me, not that I couldn’t invest into two paper people’s love story, but was why my body is governed by hormones so bad. I could say things I wouldn’t dare depending on the day of the month. I have to be honest, I love them both a lot, and I would like to date them both, and I can see myself in either of them. Again comes another contradiction, is it a good thing to have characters so easily projectable, or do I want to see myself in more complex characters like them?

I probably lost quite a few cars stalling this train of thought. This book brought me a lot of emotional upheavals and a lot of food for thought. It brought me down to reflect on my romantic worldview and sexuality because I have nothing better to do. It totally challenged me as a writer and it’s just a really good novel by its right, regardless of the absurdity that is The Clone Wars. It’s a lot of firsts for me. And I really should find something better to do.

[zacandshan]

Our first day in Ecuador was a short stopover in a town called Guayaquil. We decided to stay only one night because the biggest draw for us was heading to Banos, but there was one thing our young animal lover Zaccy couldn’t resist seeing before we set off- an animal reserve! Especially this one, which consisted of Flamingos, Tortoises, Otters, Monkeys, but the most appealing to see for Zac was - SLOTHS. The Animal Reserve was AMAZING. We ooh’d & ahh’d over every animal we saw. They all roam free with very little keeping them there. We saw so many Tortoises just roaming around through the reeds & even more Iguana’s in Reindeer pens. We did a complete lap of the Reserve & didn’t see a single Sloth, so we decided to go back around again & pay more attention to the signs. Of course there was a Sloth in one of the first pens we’d passed! He was sleeping in a little dugout right in front of us but in our haste to find one we didn’t see him right away. Seeing so many cool animals kept us smiling all afternoon. We stayed at the Dream Kapture Hostel, which was really lovely too. It had a teeny tiny pool which was perfect since it was mid 30s while we were there. We sat in the pool in a blow up chair, beer in hand & booked our Hostel in Banos & begun planning what we’d do while we were there. 

The lady at the Hostel had told us the bus leaves for Banos every day at 12.30-12.45ish, so we made our way there with our packs that are getting scarily heavier each time we pack them. The taxi arrived at the Terminal at 11:50am exactly, which was a lot later than we would’ve liked because we had hoped to get lunch & casually stroll around to find the best company to travel with. This meant that finding a bus to get on was our first & only priority. We went to the area where all the bus companies were & Zac spotted one called “Banos”. We rushed up to the counter & the person serving us told us it was leaving in 10 minutes! It was only $22 for us both so I got some cash out & sent Zac off to get us some lunch while I paid for the tickets. After I’d gotten the tickets & interpreted that we had to go up a level for the bus I waited in the spot  we’d agreed upon for Zac, stressing out as minute by precious minute went past & there was no sign of him! It didn’t help that it was a hectic bus terminal & most of the men were about Zac’s build & dark eyed & haired! It was 3 minutes until we had to leave when I spotted him & ran towards him as fast as I possibly could with 20kgs hanging from my body! We made a mad dash up the escalator where of course people in no rush at all were completely congested & making it impossible to get through. When we reached the second floor & ran to the buses, we were told it was the next floor up. At this point we had 1 minute until the departure time & our bodies were already aching from the weight of our packs & heavy bags hanging from every limb! We hobbled/ran up another escalator &  saw the bus company that we were going with, thankfully they hadn’t left yet but we were rushed onto the bus & soon comfortably sitting down, with lunch & everything! We made it with seconds to spare & then we were off on our 6 hour journey to Banos! 

A child & his Mother got on the bus a few stops after us. The child  who was about 4 was sitting in front of me, he was really shy but kept poking his head over the seat to suss out who we were & probably curious because we look so different. I kept poking my tongue at him & pulling silly faces until he eventually cracked & began doing it back. After that he was little Mr Chatterbox! Pointing at things & talking about them. Pointing to lettering on our window & saying “uno, dos, tres, quartro” counting the letters. I was nodding, & ahh’ing along. I pulled out some hand sanitiser which smells like Banana & he stuck out his hand to try some, so I put a little in his hand & gestured for him to smell it. He laughed & then laughed some more when it was all cold when he rubbed it all over his hands. He became obsessed with it & kept asking for more & more. I said no more over & over again, purely because I wasn’t going to have any left & you come to rely on it pretty heavily in South America! I eventually caved & on the last time I put a dollop in his hand & he smashed his palm up into his face getting the hand sanitiser all in his eyes & nose! He started crying to his Mum & pointing at me! Hahaha. I was mortified! Once he calmed down & got over it he started asking for more again but I was pretty happy to say no this time, little traitor! He eventually fell asleep & left me to listen to my podcasts. 

We arrived in at Banos at around 7pm. We got our bags & started making our way down the first street we saw. We stopped in at a Crepe shop & asked the people working if they knew where our Hostel (Hostel Chimenea) was, to which they gave us really good directions & we found it within 10 minutes! We had booked a private room, which we found had a double bed & a single, our own bathroom & balcony with a really pretty view over Banos! Right next door to the hostel was a gorgeous waterfall which we got a perfect view of from the rooftop restaurant of the Hostel. We ditched our bags & set out to find some dinner. The town was absolutely buzzing with Christmas lights & decorations everywhere, music, street food & people. There was a store front seeing donuts which Zaccy couldn’t resist so we decided that was good enough for dinner & continued exploring. After walking for a while I got fairly hungry so we pulled into a restaurant, ordered beers & food & sat listening to a man playing guitar & singing. He said he would play something romantic for us (spew!) and then put his CD down on our table, saying it was for us, no no for us! At the end of his set he came up casually mentioning it was for $5. He’d played basically solely for us so we couldn’t very well turn him down & bought a bloody Spanish CD we’ll likely never listen to again (struggling to remember whether we even have anything that can play CD’s these days!) but it was all in good fun. 

These may look like your ordinary hot chocolates, but in actual fact at Arome in Banos, you can pick out any block of chocolate from their store & they melt it down into a drink for you. Yup, a whole block. Zac chose a passionfruit infusion & I chose Andean Rose which was like a Turkish Delight. SO YUMMY! Ecuador is famous for its choccy & there are Cacao trees EVERYWHERE so it would’ve been rude not to indulge a little. The quality was amazing & the blocks we selected had won Gold & Silver for best chocolates blends in the world in 2016!

Our first day in Banos was Christmas day! We decided to take it easy & just stuff ourselves with food. Breakfast was banana splits & we had dinner at a nice restaurant where a couple from the Nederland’s sat down next to us at the bar style bench we were sitting at overlooking the street. We quickly got chatting to them & discovered they were on a 6 month unpaid break from work. They’d been to South America several times & we bonded over what we’d each had planned. They had just come from the Galapagos & raved about the things they’d seen & showed us photos of them swimming with manta-rays. The guy Jan is an Engineer, but as a hobby does up old VW Combi vans. They also showed us pictures of their apartment & a spare sleep out they have & said we were more than welcome if ever we find ourselves in the Nederland’s! 20 minutes outside of Amsterdam & everything. Happy days! We all were appropriately merry by the time we left, and by appropriately merry of course I mean completely trashed (we had drunk the restaurant out of vodka so we had to swap to rum instead), but exchanged details & parted ways, stumbling in the directions of our respective hostels.

The next morning we woke up & decided we’d go to the End of the World swing! It sits perched high on a mountain & hangs from a tree & you get to swing out over the edge of the steep mountain. We’d read that it was usually very busy especially when you go with a tour company but you could catch a taxi up there for a fix price & he’d wait for you to be done & drive you back down again. We went with the latter, as buses & shuttles didn’t leave until about 2pm & we wanted to beat the rush. 

We got super lucky! There was basically no-one else up there & we got to go on the swing several times! It was absolutely breathtaking scenery! Zac was a little nervous at first but as a childhood swing fiend I happily jumped on & started launching myself out into the air. After a few goes Zac joined me & people were laughing at us hanging upside down from the swing! (Sorry Linley!) They also had a flying fox there, nothing too crazy but it was still a lot of fun. All of this for $1! BARGS.

Views from the tree house in the clouds. 

After venturing back down the mountain we headed into town to start looking at tour companies for the many activities Banos has to offer. We were most interested in seeing waterfalls, canyoning, zip lining & bridge jumping. The first company we saw offered a trip out to see Pailin del Diablo - the main waterfall attraction in Banos & one we’d been looking at photos of since the day we started planning this trip! For only $5 it stopped at a few other sights & you also had the option of zip lining too. We got to the zip lining spot & it was only a pretty short one (about 100m or so) whereas the ones I’d read about took you on 6 different lines with the longest being 550m! We decided to save ourselves for the better zip lining & instead went on a ride where you are basically put in a mechanical yoyo & thrust out over a valley, where you roll forwards & backwards, upside down & sideways again & again. It was terrifyingly awesome. Will post a video seperate to this. 

We then made our way to Diablo! Again it was only $1 entry to the waterfall. We followed the flowing water gushing down to some very pretty pools of water, to find a wooden bridge leading us down to the waterfall. From the top you could see the whole way down as its quite narrow but boy oh boy, it’s forceful! The water was gushing down heavily & kids were standing underneath the water that was spraying everyone from the edge. We magically managed to stay dry while still getting extremely close to the falls. Now we have left the blog too long because we have been so freaking busy, so instead of going through each days step by step I’ll just cover the main things we did. 

We booked Canyoning, zip lining & our bridge swing with Geo Tours. They were so friendly & helpful while still being reasonably priced so we felt comfortable booking everything with them. I’m so, so glad we did now too because the experience was nothing short of amazing. The day before NYE we woke up early to go Canyoning, which I’d never even heard of before we arrived in Ecuador but Zac explained to me was basically various ways of getting down several waterfalls. We met at 9am & piled into a bus. It turned out everyone else in the bus was going white water rafting & we got an unheard of trip with 3 guides completely to ourselves. This meant next to no waiting around for other people. We got out to the sight where we put on our wetsuits, helmets & abseiling gear & our main guide Thomas - who was a hilarious & super fun guy - ran through how we’d tackle each waterfall (all 6 of them) & safety instructions etc. We got to the first waterfall which was sort of medium in size, and because I’d been given the Go Pro to film the whole thing by Zac, Thomas said I should jump off first so I could film Zac coming down. HAHA. Yes, I love being the first to jump from a gushing waterfall into the water below. But surely enough, Thomas counted to 3, & I jumped! It was so exhilarating! The water was beautiful & fresh, the surroundings were the most beautiful I’ve ever seen. To be able to sit under a waterfall & look at the lush greenery around you, branches completely covered in moss, crystal clear water just cold enough to make you feel spritely. Every single second was amazing & we never wanted it to end. Zaccy jumps off & we swam down to the next fall. 

There’d been a lot of rain that morning & it was still lightly raining while we were Canyoning, making the waterfalls super heavy. Because this one was so high we zip lined down. First we got into position, then Thomas says “LET GO” and you just do, & go sailing down to the bottom to land in the water. Thomas took a bunch of photos of us & splashed us with water & off we went down to the next one. Some we’d lay down on our backs & just let the water carry us over the edge, some we’d abseil down, to which Zac was a bit bumpy & slid off & bruised his hip quite badly but laughed it off like a good sport. The last waterfall we got to jump off & climb up again & jump off again. Since we were the only ones we had time to swim & muck around. Thomas & the crew then took us to pick up the rafters, & we made our way to a restaurant nearby. The Geo Tours crew are literally just like a bunch of mates, when we are driving they had music cranked & were all singing their hearts out & laughing. It made for a really fun atmosphere. When we got to the restaurant we bought our guides a beer & we sat & ate lunch talking to some other folks & feeling a bit merry by the time we left. (Did I mention the 1L standard beer size?)

The next day was Zip Lining. We set out at 10.30am & drove for about 20 minutes to get to the zip lining area. We got helmets & gloves & made our way up to the first line, which was the shortest, just to get a good feel for what its like. Once we were all attached, we jet off screaming & marvelling at the beautiful jungle below our feet. Again I went first so I could film Zac & because he’s a fraidy cat & likes me to go first so I can look silly first & then he knows what not to do. On the second line we had the option of going Superman style or flipping yourself upside down. I chose the Superman way but Zac surprised me by going upside down! You basically sit down in the strapping but then they flip you upside down & push you away! When I saw him coming down the line I had to rub my eyes in disbelief! It was a very proud moment although he said it wasn’t as enjoyable because you don’t really get to see the view as clearly but he was still glad he went. The views were just astounding. We were way above the canopy of trees & were flying over valleys & waterfalls below. It was so amazing. 

We could’ve done it all day. But it was NYE & we were ready to PARTY. The NYE tradition in Banos is all men dress up as women & stop the cars using a rope & ask for money to fund their beers for the night. Also everyone in town makes these amazingly impressive paper mache masks & models, we saw some that were bigger than us of Batman, the Hulk, Clowns. Everything. Zac & I got face painting, I wanted to be David Bowie as a year on & I’m still not completely recovered from his death, & Zac chose Anarchy from V for Vendetta. Then at midnight on every street there is a fire where you throw your mask onto & then jump over it as a way of “cleansing” the bad spirits from the past year from you so you can begin the new year fresh. We’d been drunkenly dancing our hearts out to Wham! in a pub when it struck midnight & ran outside to participate. There were fireworks being let off in every direction & fires everywhere. Definitely a NYE to remember.

Paper mache Batman! I don't know how you can make something like this & then throw it into the fire, but geez! The skill!

Me as Mrs Bowie. 

A great shot of us towards the end of the night, I was feeling SPARKLY.

The next day we slept until 12pm & then slept some more. Nothing was achieved, or if full days of movies & sleeping is your cup of tea, EVERYTHING WAS ACHIEVED.

We awoke on our last day & absolutely had to try the thermal springs - where Banos gets its name sake. They sit directly below the waterfall next to our hostel & only cost a couple of dollars each. At about 8am on a fairly brisk morning we entered the gloriously warm pools. The first & biggest is practically lukewarm just to get you adjusted to be able to go into the next, which is HOT. You can only stay in for 5-10 minutes depending on how hydrated/experienced you are. But it felt AMAZING in contrast to the cold air outside. The last pool was the hottest, so hot we got in super briefly & then got out & submerged ourselves in the cold pool which made us squeal. We then went to the waterfall to cool off. Zac climbed up first & said the water felt like hail hitting him because it was so cold & heavy. I decided to give it a try & because it was so cold I ran quickly away from it, causing me to lose my footing & fall on my bum in front of a pool full of laughing people. I proceeded to slide down the slippery rocks & lost a fair amount of flesh on the way down. But bathing under the Banos waterfall was a hilarious experience & one I’d be so sad to have missed. Plus the scarring is sure to make me look bad. ass.

This finally brings us up to our last day in Banos. We walked around the town feeling so happy. We’d done so many crazy things- many of which I never dreamed I’d be capable of doing let alone enjoying! We were happy & fulfilled & spent the last night soaking in the atmosphere of beautiful friendly people, the smell of street food cooking, the beautiful sunset & called it a night.