#i sent in a support ticket immediately and waited just short of 2 weeks like a good citizen. and then sent in another

[cleveradjacent]

i lived bitch

hey! i finally annoyed tumblr into resurrecting my blog. in the meantime, i set up a backup: @clever-adjacent. follow it if you don't wanna lose me should this happen again!

[bangtan-sonyeonddaeng]

Part 5

Summary: Soulmates have different ways of being connected to one another. Sometimes it’s through being able to write on their arms and having it show up on their soulmates. For others it was having their first words spoken to one another permanently tattooed into their skin. You had a unique connection with yours, one that you really hadn’t ever heard of happening before. Whatever song was stuck in your soulmate’s head was also stuck in yours and the same was for them. When Yoongi realizes one of his songs is playing on repeat in your head, he immediately takes to writing songs to communicate with you in hopes it will finally bring you two together.

Genre: Fluff. Just pure tooth rotting, sweet fluff.

Whew this was a long one. 4.5k words

Part 1     Part 2      Part 3     Part 4     Part 6

As you stepped off the plane you couldn’t believe it. You were finally in Seoul, the same city as your soul mate. That alone felt indescribable. It was a happiness you had never known. The past day was hectic. Trying to book last minute plane tickets and a hotel room. You didn’t even know how long you were going to be staying here depending on how well things went with Yoongi. You booked your hotel for a week just to be safe, knowing you could cancel if you absolutely had to. You considered coming alone, but your friend was very insistent that they go with you. You were traveling to a foreign country to meet your soulmate. Your friend wouldn’t miss this for the world, but also wanted to be there as a support and help in any way they could.

You arrived to the hotel and unpacked your belongings and immediately flopped down onto the bed.

“Jet lag sucks.”

“Indeed it does. I feel like I could sleep for the next 10 years.” Within moments your friend was snoring and clutching the pillow tightly. You giggled quietly to yourself and pulled your phone out to see if Yoongi had posted anything else. There were no new songs, but there was a new post from him. It was a selfie of him and oh gosh he looked so adorable it made your heart flutter. The caption underneath the photo just said “I can’t wait to see you.”

A bunch of army had commented underneath that they couldn’t wait to see him too. Their tour was starting in a little over a month. You knew what the real meaning was behind the photo. And you quickly typed a reply.

“I can’t wait to see you too. It’s such a short time away.”

You set your phone down and were about to try and sleep for a little bit when a notification went off. ‘I’m not Min Yoongi’ had sent you another reply.

Isn’t it late where you are at now? What are you still doing awake?

You glance at the clock and see that it is only 8:00 pm. You have a long way to go until morning.

Actually I am in Seoul right now. So it’s only 8:00 in the evening. Besides, how do you know where I live? You stalking me?

Ah no! no! You just um… always seemed to reply early in the morning here. So I figured it was late wherever you were.

Yoongi face palms. Smooth save, Min.

Ah okay. Makes sense I guess.

So what are you doing in Seoul?

Hopefully meeting my soulmate.

Oh! That’s exciting! I hope everything goes well for you two.

Me too. I hope everything goes the way I am thinking it will but.. we’ll see.

Well if you were traveling all day aren’t you tired? Shouldn’t you be in bed?

Yes I should be but I can’t sleep. I’m too anxious.

I’m sure your soulmate feels the same. But they would want you to get your rest and take care of yourself.

You’re right. I’ll try my best.

What usually helps you sleep?

Um.. well this might sound silly but I fall asleep easily to Yoongi’s songs and videos of him just talking? His voice is so soothing.

Huh.. I see. You like his voice then?

Yes. Very much. It almost feels like.. coming home after a long trip. Just that comfort of knowing you are home.

Yoongi blushes at this and the sweet compliments.

Maybe he’ll surprise you and do a vlive or something.

Hah, I can only wish.

After that you don’t get a reply. You do however, get a notification on your phone that Yoongi is doing a Vlive. You laugh to yourself as you realize that there is no way that account wasn’t him at this point. You pull out your phone.

You know for someone who isn’t Min Yoongi you sure called that one right.

It’s just a voice live, you hear his phone go off and then hear him quietly chuckling into the mic. You don’t receive a reply but don’t anticipate you will at this point. Yoongi says something in Korean to start that you don’t quite catch what he says, but then he repeats himself in English.

“I heard from some of you that you like my voice and it’s calming to you. Since it’s nearing the end of the night I figured this would be a good way for you all to relax and unwind after a long day.” You smile to yourself and put your headphones in, quickly drifting off to sleep. You wake up a few hours later. When you glance at the clock you see it’s after midnight. You groan and sit up, looking over to the other bed to see your friend completely passed out still. You’ve always envied how deeply they seem to sleep.

As you sit there, the anxiety begins to come back. How nervous you are is finally starting to settle in. What if he doesn’t like you? What if you don’t get along? What if he was hoping his soulmate was someone famous? Are you good enough for him? Your leg starts shaking back and forth before you can’t sit still any longer. You crawl out of bed and slip your shoes on, quietly heading out the door as you don’t want to wake up your friend. You walk outside into the fresh air and find that it is helping you calm down to be able to just walk.

You don’t know where you are heading, but you have your phone with you and can easily find your way back to the hotel with the GPS. You put your headphones back in and just walk. You are listening to the playlist you had made of the few songs Yoongi had wrote for you and continue wandering and humming along. After you listen to all of the songs at least once you come across a bench with a man sitting on it. You don’t pay him any attention and walk on by, lost in your own world. You don’t make it very far before you feel a gentle tug on the bottom of your shirt. You turn around and see the man looking up at you. His bottom half of his face is covered and he’s wearing a beanie and heavy coat. Clearly he doesn’t want to be seen. You panic for a second thinking maybe he was going to mug you before he says something to you.

“What?”

“Ah, foreigner?” You nod.

“I said it’s dangerous to be outside alone this late.” He repeats in English. Your heart nearly drops to your stomach. You know that voice. You’d recognize it anywhere.

“Yoongi?” His eyes widen at that and now he seems to be the one panicked.

“Shit.. Are you a fan? Please don’t tell anyone you saw me and don’t freak out and scream. I go out late to avoid people for a reason-”

“Yoongi stop. It’s me!”

“Am I supposed to know you? Please don’t tell you’re a sasaeng. Wow this is just my luck.”

“It’s y/n!” Yoongi freezes and drops his hand to his side and he looks a little angry if the way he furrows his brows at you is any indication.

“Funny joke. Haha okay what do you want? An autograph?”

“No I’m serious Yoongi it’s me! We’ve been talking on Twitter back and forth! Ah wait no I’m sorry that wasn’t Min Yoongi I forgot.” You say with a smirk on your face.

“I… There’s no way. Let me see your phone.” You pull it out and unlock it, then hand it over to him. He opens up your Twitter and goes to your notifications and sure enough, there’s your conversations. “Oh my god.. Y/n it’s really you.” He hands your phone back and just stares at you in shock.

“Um.. So… what-“

“No, no! Absolutely not! I did not spend all night writing that song about us meeting for the first time for you to just bump into me on the street. I refuse.”

“Yoongi! You can’t fight fate-“

“Like hell I can’t. Watch me.” He stands up and grabs you, turning your shoulders around to face away from him and gives you a gentle push. “Now you march your cute little butt back to your hotel and we can try this again tomorrow.”

“Yoongi, oh my god.” You burst out laughing and your shoulders begin to shake with you how much you are laughing. You can hear him chuckling behind you before his hands move down and wrap around your waist, pulling you into a back hug.

“You have no idea how happy I am to finally have you here. I have never felt so many emotions in my heart at once but they are all good and they are all because of you.” You let your hands move down and your fingers play with his where they are resting on your waist. “But I really want to do this right. So please. Let’s pretend this first encounter never happened. And I’ll see you tomorrow at the river.. okay?” You smile and nod your head.

“Okay, Yoongi. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Can we meet earlier in the afternoon though instead of the evening. I-“

“Ah! Nope! My song says a crisp autumn EVENING. Not day. You’re just going to have to be patient now go on then!” He lets go of you and you let out a giggle but continue walking down the sidewalk. You don’t miss the footsteps trailing behind you on the way.

“What are you doing? I thought you said you didn’t want to meet until tomorrow? Now you’re following me back to my hotel? Scandalous. We haven’t even had our first date and you’re already-”

“Yah! Shush. I just want to make sure you make it back safely. I wasn’t kidding when I said it’s not safe at night time. Pretend I’m not here.”

“Okay.” You smile the whole way back. When you reach the hotel lobby and turn around he’s already gone. Your cheeks hurt from smiling so much as you walk back to your hotel room. You open the door quietly and shuffle back in, kicking your shoes off and collapsing into bed. Your friend is awake now.

“Where did you go?”

“Just for a walk. I couldn’t sleep.”

“Ah, too anxious to meet him for the first time?” You laugh to yourself.

“Yeah, I was. But the walk really helped me. I think I am really ready to see him now.”

“Good! Now get some rest! We have a big day ahead. Well you do anyways. I’ll just be hanging around here anxiously waiting for you to get back and tell me every single detail of your first meeting.”

“Sure thing. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight y/n. I’m sure Yoongi is going to love you. You have nothing to worry about.” You roll over onto your side and before long you are about to drift off to sleep when a noise from your phone brings you out of your drowsy daze. You see it’s a notification for twitter. Yoongi, sent you a message.

By the way, you’re absolutely the most beautiful person I have ever seen.

You smile and your cheeks heat up, feeling a warmth in your chest as you finally drift off to sleep.

You don’t wake up until late afternoon. The jet lag, coupled with the anxiety you felt last night before meeting Yoongi and being up late had allowed you to sleep for a long time. You probably would have still been asleep if your friend wouldn’t have woken you up to go eat lunch. You don’t tell them that you already met Yoongi, having promised to pretend like it never happened and you intended to keep your word. You spend the day exploring the city, even going to the Line Friends store and picking up a few items to spoil yourself a little bit. You walk around and eat until it’s now starting to get dark outside.

“We should probably head over to the park now. I’ll ride in the taxi with you there but then after I drop you off I’ll head back to the hotel.”

“Wait why don’t you just wait for me? What if something goes wrong and-“ Your friend flicks your forehead.

“Y/n don’t start that nonsense. You two are probably going to be out together all night. Just text me and check in. Let me know how everything is going, alright?” You nod and hug your friend tightly.

“Thank you for coming with me, and pushing me out of my comfort zone. And annoying Yoongi with your horrible songs. If it weren’t for you I probably wouldn’t have met him.”

“Hmmm, yes you would. Fate would have made sure of it, but I will take the praise anyway.” Just then a taxi pulls up and you both get in. But when you arrive at the park only you get out. You wave to your friend as the car pulls away. The butterflies in your stomach feel like they are going to fly out of your mouth at any moment. You walk along the riverside, admiring the views and listening to the sounds of the crickets. You notice up ahead all of the flowers and your pace quickens when you notice Yoongi standing in the middle of all of them. He spots you and immediately starts waving. But you ignore it and keep walking. He stops waving and tilts his head in confusion.

“Y/n!” He yells your name but you still continue walking along the path towards him. “Are you going to say hi to me or not?!”

“Huh? Sorry do I know you?”

“Are you serious right now?”

“We’ve never met before. How do you know my name?” You are trying so hard not to laugh when it finally clicks with Yoongi.

“Ah yes you’re right. My mistake. Are you here to meet with someone?”

“Yes. My soulmate told me to meet him among the cosmos.” You say with a smile. Yoongi is absolutely beaming as he reaches down and takes your hand in his.

“Well then that would be me. I’m Yoongi. But you must have already known that if you heard my songs for you.” He brings your hand up to his lips and gently kisses the back of it. The shock it sends through you almost brings you to your knees.

“I’m y/n. It’s nice to meet you soul mate.” Yoongi’s gummy smile widens further before he pulls you tightly into his arms. His hug is bone crushing, making it slightly hard for you to breathe but there is no way you would ask him to let go. Your arms are around his neck pulling him impossibly closer to you. He nuzzles his face into your shoulder and you feel your sweater dampen. You pull away in shock.

“Yoongi why are you crying?”

“Why are YOU crying?”

“I am not!” But you know you are. You can feel the tears streaming down your face and your voice cracks when you talk. “Okay I definitely am.” You both laugh and reach up to wipe each other’s tears away. You spend a few moments with your hands gently ghosting over each other’s faces, wanting to commit the way it feels to memory and make sure that the other was actually there.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here. I never thought we would ever find each other. When I learned that our connections were through the songs we had stuck in our heads, I just lost all hope of ever finding my soulmate.”

“To be honest for a while there I did too. It wasn’t until I first heard your music that I knew. I just felt it immediately that you were my soul mate.”

“I felt that too. When I read your comments on my songs it was like every cell in my body was calling out to you. I just… God I still can’t believe it.” He grabs you and pulls you into another hug. You both stand there for a while, just enjoying the feeling of each other’s warmth. Yoongi is the first to pull away but he doesn’t let go of your hand as he leads you on a short walk over to one of the benches overlooking the river. You sit next to each other in a comfortable silence.

“I’m not dreaming am I?” He wonders out loud. You reach over and pinch his side and he jumps away from you with a startled yell. “What was that?!”

“Proving to you that you aren’t dreaming.” He begins to laugh at that and the sound still makes your heart race. “But I know what you mean. It still doesn’t feel real.” Yoongi sits back down on the bench and laces your fingers together again, resting his head on your shoulder.

“Okay I gotta know. What kind of music do you really listen to?” You let out a snort at this.

“All different genres. Definitely not most of the ones that were stuck in your head though.”

“And that was your friend’s idea?”

“Yes. They thought it would be funny to mess with you a little bit. At least show that I have a sense of humor so you at least had some idea of what kind of person I was.”

“Honestly I just thought you were a person with shitty taste in music.” You both laugh playfully at that.

“How did you get the idea? For the songs I mean?”

“Ah, Namjoon gave me the idea to talk to you through song writing. For the past.. hmm month or so? The guys have really been helping me try and think of ways to find my soulmate. I think they were tired of seeing me mope all the time. They all had found theirs so easily I was just.. stuck.” Your heart clenches, knowing that feeling all too well. You squeeze his hand as a comforting gesture.

“I know what you mean.” Yoongi returns your squeeze.

“But hey everything worked out okay in the end right? We’re finally here with each other. I want to know you better. I want to know everything. What you’re passionate about, what things you like and dislike. Where you’re from, about your family, what your childhood was like. What-“

“Whoa there. We have all night Yoongi there is no rush.”

“We um.. have more than a night though right? Like… I know we’re soulmates fated to be together and all that but you still have a choice. Do you want to keep seeing me?” Yoongi seems insecure and unsure of himself now as he plays with the rings on your fingers and refuses to meet your gaze.

“Of course I want to continue seeing you! Why would you think even for a moment I wouldn’t?” He sighs and tries to untangle his hands from yours but you just hold on tighter.

“Being in a relationship with an idol isn’t easy y/n… I don’t think you fully understand what all of this is going to entail. You’re never going to have a moment of privacy. Even when we go out together on dates someone is almost always going to figure out who I am.”

“Well no one has so far tonight right? I think you just need to wear a mask and hide who you are then it won’t be so bad. Especially if we go out at night or go to more secluded places. I know dating an idol isn’t going to be easy but I don’t care about that. I just want to be with you. I’ll take all the good and bad that comes with it.” Yoongi stops trying to hold himself back any longer. He moves his hand behind your head and tugs you in closer to him so he can finally connect his lips to yours.

The kiss is sweet, gentle but loving. It’s like he’s pouring the years of emotions he’s felt towards you into the kiss. There isn’t any sparks or crazy fireworks. Everything just goes quiet, and suddenly it’s like you two are the only ones in the world right now. Yoongi pulls away after a few short moments. Even for just a short kiss you both are a bit breathless.

“Wow. I didn’t know kissing your soulmate would feel like that.” He says in between breatths.

“Me either. That was… perfect.” Yoongi smirks.

“Perfect? Wow am I that good of a kisser?” You playfully smack his arm and he laughs. You two spend quite a while talking on that bench. Asking questions and getting to know each other better. The moon is hanging high in the sky and all the stars are shining on the two of you. The wind starts to pick up and you shiver. “Ah are you cold, sweetheart?” He takes his jacket off and drapes it around you, although you did feel your face heat up at the petname. You hope Yoongi doesn’t notice your blush and will just assume it’s because you’re cold. “We can go now if you want to.” You shake your head back and forth quickly.

“No! I mean.. I don’t want to leave you yet.” His expression softens at your confession.

“Well.. We can go back to my place? If you’re comfortable with that?” You wiggle your eyebrows suggestively at him and he moves away from you.  “Not like that!”

“I’m kidding, Yoongi! I’d love to go back with you. Even if we don’t talk at all. Even if we just sleep it doesn’t matter. I just want to be around you.”

“I’m glad you feel that way because I was thinking the same thing.” He stands off the bench and takes your hand to lead you over to the car that was waiting to take the two of you back to his house. You send your friend a quick update text, to let her know everything was okay and going well. They send you back a bunch of heart emojis and you slip the phone back in your pocket. On the way up to his door it doesn’t sneak past your notice that he hasn’t let go of your hand the entire time you two have been together.

“Do you like holding hands?” He blushes and looks away, busying himself with entering the code into the door so it unlocks.

“Um.. Yeah I do. Does it bother you?”

“Not at all. I love it actually.”

“Do you want any tea or anything to drink to help warm you up?”

“Mmm, no. I just need you.” With how much Yoongi has been smiling he’s beginning to wonder if his muscles are just going to be permanently stuck.

“Do you want to go lay down? Maybe watch a movie?”

“That sounds perfect.”

You are both laying down now, in his bed. You are actually laying with Yoongi, your soulmate. Your head resting on his chest while he was a tight grip around your waist. You are starting to fall asleep when you feel his grip suddenly tighten around you. You lift your head up to look at him.

“Everything okay?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah. Sorry did I squeeze you too hard?”

“No I just thought maybe something was wrong and you wanted my attention.” Yoongi shakes his head, but bites his lip as if he is thinking deeply about something.

“It’s not that I was upset or anything.. I just wanted to make sure that you were actually here. And that I’m not hallucinating, or just imagining all this. It still doesn’t feel real. I thought I had met my soulmate before. I was so sure but it turned out it was just someone using me for my fame.. And I was so desperate to just have that connection with someone that I ignored all the warning signs. And I know you aren’t like that. I know for 100% certain you’re my soulmate but…“

“But that nagging voice in the back of your head just keeps questioning things?” He nods in confirmation. You sit up and adjust yourself so you’re facing him. You take his face in your hands and make sure he is looking at you and can see the sincerity in your eyes. “I completely understand why you are worried. Believe me. But I would never do anything to hurt you. I would never use you like that. I promise that I am here, that I am real.” You grab his hand and place it on your heart. He closes his eyes and lets himself just feel. Your warmth, the gentle thrumming of your heart beat, the sounds of your breaths. It helps ground him.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. If you ever have doubts or are worried about anything you can always come to me. I want to be there for you.” Yoongi smiles that gummy smile that is going to quickly make you fall head over heels in love with him in no time if he keeps directing it at you.

“Thank you y/n.” He pecks your lips and then pats his chest for you to lay back down. Pretty soon your breaths even out and you’ve fallen asleep. Yoongi holds you just a little bit closer, and places a kiss to the top of your head. “I already like you so much and it kind of scares me. But I am going to give you my whole heart, angel. I hope you’ll keep it safe.”

“Don’t worry I will.” Yoongi jumps.

“I thought you were asleep!”

“I was but I am not that heavy of a sleeper remember? I woke up when I heard you talking.” Yoongi blushes but snuggles closer to you.

“Do you want to meet the other members tomorrow?”

“I’d love to! Can I bring my friend too?”

“Of course. You all are going to be a part of the family now we might as well all meet one another.” You smile at that and nuzzle into his chest. You both fall asleep quicker than you ever have before, finally feeling the comfort and safety of being in each other’s arms.

Tag list: @anoesjkaax​​​  @just-call-me-trash-can​ @thestral-balerion​ @xcastielbabyangelface​ @rukinamukami​ @r-e-d-i-s-h​ @heartblackerthancoffee​ @rosita7703​   @jacjacwashere​   @purpletigertaetae​  @woodstockisjustlikealittlekid​  @supernatural-bangtanboys​ @loveyoongles​ @barbikatherine​ @atulipandarose​ @bookluver01​ @cioccocalderoni​ @lyoongx​

@its-yagirl-raelynn it’s not letting me tag you :c 

[shananigans402]

1-65 will do, please. Thanks fuck face :)

I knew exactly who this was and I was so tempted to not reply, but your punishment is having to read through all my answers and remember them forever or you fail the friend test. To everyone else, please do not click unless you want to be very bored, my answers are not interesting lol

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Nope

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? Assuming 5 is the most, 1. Maybe 2. 

3. The person you would never want to meet? The person who sent me this (jk I’m excited for our eventual meet up where we hit up a strip club first thing 🙏)

4. What is your favorite word? I answered with ‘conniption’ the other day and still have not found a word I like more.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Already answered this, fruit tree! I also like palm trees, maple trees, and willow trees. I know that’s not the question, I’m just saying random shit now.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? It took me a long while to remember where I was this morning. I honestly don’t remember, I was rushing to get ready for an early morning meeting.

7. What shirt are you wearing? My Orlando Strong shirt 

8. What do you label yourself as? Lesbian

9. Bright room or dark room? Bright room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping? Possibly checking on a feverish little beeb who was going through it with her second dose of the vaccine.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? No idea. I like various ages for different reasons, but this age so far is not bad. 

12. Who told you they loved you last? Probably my sister 🤷‍♀️

13. Your worst enemy? The person who sent this ask.

14. What is your current desktop picture? The apple pic of Catalina island that changes based on time of day (yes it’s the default, don’t judge me)

15. Do you like someone? Lol yeah I hope so 😂

16. The last song you listened to? Pretty Girl by Hayley Kiyoko 

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Definitely @raginage

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I feel like I can only attack Raginage so many times. Can I pick a fictional character? This week I was real mad at Dave in The Darkness. BaBe!​

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Lol no one, you’re talking to a person who feels very uncomfortable with anyone doing anything nice for them.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) Not this again. Last time I said eyes? Still no pics, sorry

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? What would I look like? Do I get to design myself like a sim? I honestly don’t know what I’d do because I doubt the world needs another clueless white man walking around, so maybe just stay at home. 

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? Nope. And my last answer to this was awful. I do think I have a fantastic ability to annoy my friends but in a way that’s just amusing/endearing enough to make them still want to talk to me 😌

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Unique? Uhm well my two big fears are confined spaces and deep water so a submarine is like my worst nightmare.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Oh this is going to sound so odd. To be clear, I’ve had better sandwiches, but my go-to is provolone, turkey, roast beef, and spicy brown mustard or whole grain mustard. Please don’t judge me.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? Travel budget for future trips to visit my buds and get into trouble and eat food. I know $100 won’t go far, but it’s something.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Well, after my last answer I want to visit my friends! But there are too many people to visit and I only have one ticket. So change of plans. I’m going on a solo trip to Greece. Or Argentina. Or Iceland. Or Bali. Damn, I’m indecisive. 

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Rabble red blend. Just a solid red wine. Also because @viola-lloyds stole my answer the other day (Juneshine; to be fair I asked her this question but whatever) and I don’t want to copy her.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Oh I answered this one, something about respecting others. Yeah, a nice rule like that. Want to establish some healthy communication on this island.

29. What is your favorite expletive? It’s still fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? But what about my PLANTS. Can they count as loved ones? Probably my laptop, I know that’s lame but like...I have a lot of stuff on here. Or the collection of cards I have that my granddad drew little drawings in, I want to get them all framed.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? To be honest, I don’t know if I’d change big life events in case it altered the trajectory of where I ended up. So idk maybe the ending of Bly, let’s give those lesbians have a happy ending!

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Italy! But wait, let’s get back to this sleeping with celebrities and super-powers bit...

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Oh that’s a really tough question. I always wanted to meet my great-grandma Olga because she seemed like a really awesome lady. 

34. What was your last dream about? I can’t remember, this is bothering me because I wish I could! I’m sorry. My gf recently had a dream where I kissed a dude right in front of her. It made us both very uncomfy lol

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? I hate this question because I can only think of one thing.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? For surgery, yeah

37. Have you ever built a snowman? But of course!

38. What is the color of your socks? Not wearing any? I was wearing blue ones earlier. Jfc my answers are so boring.

39. What type of music do you like? Lots! I tend to listen to indie, classic rock, and some pop

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate or a variant (chocolate peanut butter, chocolate caramel)

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) LA Rams or Seattle Seahawks. I know they’re in the same division. It’s tough. (Please don’t ask me why these teams)

43. Do you have any scars? Yep, mostly from burning myself on ovens. I simply get too excited for my food.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? I...have graduated? 

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Well bestie recently said I have “lesbian hands” and I think that’s code for man hands so maybe that hahaha

46. Are you reliable? I try to be!

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? How many more times will I watch The Darkness before I learn my lesson? (Related: When does other bestie finally admit to her fetish?)

48. Do you hold grudges? Not typically, no

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? A dog and an otter? Can we domesticate otters? No, a horse and a large bird, create a pegasus and then free travel.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Oh god. I don’t even know where to start today tbh. Damie and pokemon and cosycon and looming and feet and [redacted] and developing apps for VP. So many fantastic conversations. 

In real life, probably the time I was at a laundromat in Italy and this guy wandered in with a beer, sat next to me and my male roommate, assumed we were a couple, and proceeded to give us bizarre life advice. I wish I could remember more of it, but it was so odd.

51. Are you a good liar? Hmm I’m okay at it I think, that is, I can convince people I’m serious when I’m actually joking. But I don’t like actually lying if it’s not just teasing someone. 

52. How long could you go without talking? Probably a few days if I had to.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? The haircut I got before studying abroad! It was too short and I was so sad.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? For a birthday? No. For fun? Absolutely.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? Not well, no

56. What do you like on your toast? Butter and/or honey and/or jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? My beautiful depiction of a scene of chapter one of Private Dancer. 

58. What would be you dream car? An electric car of some sort. I don’t know enough about cars tbh

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Nope but sometimes I’ll play music and dance and maybe softly sing.

60. Do you believe in aliens? Yep! Definitely 

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Almost never unless someone sends it to me.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Already answered, A

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dinosaurs! 🦕

64. What do you think about babies? What do I think about them? They’re pretty cool. Just tiny little humans. 

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. I was very nice and let you correct your mistake and submit one after the fact:

In your opinion what is the best thing you can cook, like your speciality? My favorite thing to make is pasta, I started making my own sauce and I’d love to make pasta from scratch sometime.

[studentville-struggles]

A Double Life

Chapter 5!!

A self-indulgent Daniel Ricciardo fic.

Summary: Returning to old passions results in the start of chaos and living a double life. We say we hate chaos, but the thrill is unlike anything else.

Words: 1,941

Masterlist // Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

F1 was no joke.  

PhD’s were no joke.

You were exhausted. Exhausted didn’t even begin to cover how you felt. Were you dying? Who even knew at this point.  

One monday your legs finally gave out as you were walking into university, collapsing from the exhaustion you were fighting. Thankfully you had just made it into your building, the porters quick to call a medic. You actually ended up having to take a couple of days off of lab work and go home and just spend some time sleeping and spending time with your parents. Your supervisors were so worried for your health and the stress you had been putting yourself under they pretty much banned you from the lab for a week.  

You still did the workouts you needed to and prepped for races from home. You just did everything on more than five hours sleep. The luxury. It was so damn needed.

Speaking on the phone to Lando one night, the two of you becoming closer friends since being team mates and him checking in more frequently since finding out about you collapsing, you had been joking about how nice sleep was. 

“I used to think that being ordinary was boring. Now I’d do anything for a 10 hour nap and a chippy.”

Your little exhaustion moment had scared you a little bit. You’d always managed to do everything. You could have two intense lives and work it. You had felt that for the last three years you mastered juggling a double life. Was it finally coming to crumble around you? Was this it, was the dream over?  

You wouldn’t allow it. You couldn’t. Youd fought so hard for this, to have your cake and eat it. It was never meant to be easy and you knew that, this was just one more thing to overcome. Once you had your PhD you would be able to live any life you wanted. You might even be able to sleep seven hours a night on the regular.  

You would make this double life work for a little longer, you had to.

Having re-evaluated routines and switching things up so that you could make the most of both lives whilst still being healthy, you were feeling confident, comfortable and it was growing with each race that passed. Sure, not all of the results were what you dreamed off; after all you were yet to tip Lewis off his pedestal, but you were getting there. Getting the car to do your bidding was the first half of the challenge. Now you just needed to do that, but better than every one else on the track.

The other thing to come out of your health scare; especially after some of the drivers have commented on your less deathly appearance was an interesting change in your friendship with a certain Australian.  

Sure, you had the big change from thinking he was rude to being caught smiling at his texts, to hanging out in Australia at the start of the season. That you had kind of seen coming; but this? This was unexpected, and you weren’t quite sure what to make of it currently.

After finding out about your little incident, Daniels’ entire energy changed. He was visibly concerned about you, whether you were better now, how you were doing getting everything under control for good. His reaction to discovering the in-depth extremeness of your routine having binged watched your show – he claimed it was a curious interest to occupy his flight but you knew it was to be nosey and you didn’t mind that – was even stranger He had effectively cornered you at the paddock in China with a written out list and spluttering of expletives with the general message of “what the fuck, no wonder you're exhausted.’.  

The frequency at which you two texted and chatted was steadily rising as your friendship bloomed but after his discovery of ‘the incident’, it had sky rocketed. Both in general conversation, but also in his concern for you overdoing things. He’s started to make a point, like Lewis often does, to ensure you take a bit of time for you and to relax; so movie and game nights are now a little thing you get when you meet up for a face to face catch up.

The vibes between the two of you were shifting ever so slightly and you weren’t entirely sure where there were setting themselves.

---

You were very lucky in that your family would often come to support you, especially your mum and dad. Albeit your mum couldn’t watch half of the races due to her fear that her little girl was going to be hurt, but she was there every chance she had.  

As the season progressed and you were getting some races closer to home, you felt it was about time to invite the main group of people who were yet to see this side of you. Given the intense patience and grace they had given to you, supporting you though everything and allowing your camera crew all access; it was time to invite your boss. Well your other boss. Your supervisor.

Getting back into the swing of things at work in the lab after the Spanish Grand Prix, you felt it was finally time to give back to your lab family.

“I’d like to take you to work next week, and maybe a few others once I check numbers.” Your supervisor knew what ‘work’ meant for you but with more and more people questioning your regular three day weeks, you were starting to feel like letting your two worlds collide a little more.  

“Where is work next week? Monaco?”  

“Yup. I’ll give my media team a ring and see how many we can take including hotels and go from there”  

“Including?!”  

“Full VIP, would be rude of me not to.”  

A short phone call later, with some rough numbers figured out, you had five full VIP passes at your disposal. Given you rarely have guests at Grand Prix’ they allowed a few extra tickets this time. As one would imagine with a free weekend in Monaco, the academic staff in your research group snapped up those tickets in no time. Of course, with the amount of time spent in your offices and labs, you were safely assuming three of the five had no idea what your job was, though were very curious as to how and why it was taking you to Monaco.  

Academic life was no joke. Everyone was busy, everyone had very little free time. Watching sports was only done by super fans really. There weren’t any motorsport super fans in your office and somehow both your show and driving career had still remained unquestioned. How that was true with the camera crew still following you around, you had no idea.  

You had sent out a rough, and very vague itinerary, reminding them to be ready to leave work at 6 pm on Wednesday, heading straight to the airport. You had also sent strict dress code instructions- the smarter end of smart casual, knowing that they would likely, if not definitely, be appearing on camera.  

With some of your team meeting you at the airport, ready to get your race weekend media started, the confusion of your university colleagues was growing. It peaked as they had you film a short clip to start the weekends media off, it was only a short Instagram story, post hair touch up, to say hi to fans.  

“Hey guys, just me taking over the Instagram stories! We’ve just arrived at the airport to head over to Monaco! Can’t wait to see you guys this weekend and I’ve even brought a few colleagues from the university so you’ll be seeing my two worlds collide as well! See you soon!” Waving at the camera, you cut the video. With all thumbs up from your team, you uploaded it to your team Instagram, views piling in almost immediately.  

“Rachel what the hell do you do?!”

“Oh you’ll see soon enough, I don’t want to ruin the surprise now.” You teased, surprisingly enjoying the suspense.  

Walking up to the private jet having gone through security with ease, the shock was only increasing, though you everyone was feeling very excited for the flight now they saw the plane. Things were fairly calm after this, the journey quick, smooth and you avoided giving too much away.  

Arriving at the hotel you sent everyone off to their rooms, giving timings for meeting the next morning. You would be leaving before them to start greeting the media and doing some press conferences before your track walks, and so had arranged for a few cars to be sent for transferring the rest over to the main hub. Once they were all happy with the plans, not that you’d given many details, merely timings, you could head to your room where Daniel had snuck over waiting to reunite.  

He had many complaints about spending the evening having your catch up in a hotel when he had a perfectly good home a few minutes away. At some point during the evening, after the food had been demolished, the words said and a crappy Netflix original on the tv, the two of you had fallen asleep. When you woke a couple of hours later, you were awkwardly hunched on the sofa still, somehow having entangled yourself with Daniels body.  

Realising that it was far too late to send Daniel home, you both needed sleep if you were to survive the media day, and you couldn’t send him on his way in the small hours of the morning. Trying not to wake him too harshly, you start untangling yourself from the mess of legs. With Daniel starting to stir, you grab his hand, wordlessly pulling him from the sofa, over to the hotel bed.  

Still in the silence the middle of the night brings, Daniel shed the majority of his clothing, slipping under the covers in only his underwear, with you following soon after as you quickly change into your sleepwear.  

For something so foreign in your friendship, the ease and comfort at which you snuggled together, falling asleep again under the covers, was almost unnerving. Almost. In your sleepy state, you couldn’t recognise that, only time would reveal that.  

--

Having snuck off to begin your media day trackside, you were eager to see your lab colleague's reaction to where they were. It was as you were heading back into McLarens hospitality that you, as well as the whole group, could see the full magnitude of this job and how it differed to the Rachel they were used to seeing in the office.  

“You’re a driver?”  Shock? Disbelief? You couldn’t quite tell but the reaction was  

“Yes”

“What the fuck? But you’re in the lab like 10 hours a day”

“Now you know why I don’t have time to get things done otherwise in my three-day weeks.”

Once the shock wore off, the excitement and initial questions had settled, you set the group up with timings for the day and let them wander round the paddock freely as you headed back to your meetings, promising to see them during the lunch break.  

Having your worlds united felt good. It felt as though some of the pressure you hadn’t realised was there from keeping them separate, was melting away.  Although the feeling that was beginning to bubble away every time you bumped into Daniel was very close to being a distraction.

You needed to drive; just get in the car and block everything else out. 

[oreobunny1]

Chapter 2: The Other Side of Hollywood

(AO3: Oreobunny1)

The sun shone brightly on the roof of the Molina household that morning. Julie and Carlos were at school, and Ray was on his way to work. The house was peaceful and empty.

Well, all except for the three teenage ghost himbos messing around in their garage.

“All I’m saying is they shouldn’t have killed off Han Solo and Luke Skywalker! It’s just too much.” Reggie exclaimed from the second floor of the huge garage, bouncing around as he got dressed for the day.

“I know,” Alex answered from beneath him. “And why was Luke on fat bird island anyway, shouldn’t he be doing more, y’know… Jediy things?”

“Pfffft-” Reggie laughed, “Fat bird island. Honestly though! He-”

His rant was interrupted by Luke banging on the garage door from outside.

“You guys are SLOW! Sloooooooowwwwwwww-” Luke whined. Reggie didn’t need to see Alex to know that he was rolling his eyes at their friend. Luke couldn't even talk. He had only teleported out there a second ago himself!

“We’ll be out in a minute!” Reggie yelled out to him. It wasn’t like they could be late. They didn’t even have tickets!

“ImPATIENT!” Alex gasped, mock-offended. Reggie snickered, and they heard muffled laughter from outside too, followed by Luke starting another round of “slooow...”.

Alex sighed and muttered, “If only our Luke was the one on that island, huh?” Reggie was just about dying of laughter at this point, but he tried to be as quiet as he could so their Luke couldn’t hear them.

Today, the local movie theater was showing a marathon of the new Star Wars trilogy. All of them were big Star Wars fans, and ever since seeing the premiere on the website they had been looking forward to this particular Wednesday. Reggie couldn’t sit still. He was so excited! They had been anticipating this for a week now, and he was looking forward to a fun, geeky day with his best friends. And, to top it all off, Julie and the Phantoms had a gig later that night! It was shaping up to be a pretty great day.

They were all a little bummed Julie couldn't come to the movies with them, but being alive and still having to go to school made her unavailable at the time. It’s fine though, they would be done with the movies before she got out of school anyway. They could all hang out then!

“But Finn and Poe though...” Alex started, moving into Reggie's view as he waited for him.

Reggie pulled on his flannel. “YES I love them already, I honestly can’t wait to watch these movies just because of the newer characters.” He had only heard spoilers for these movies, and he didn’t really like what he heard. But he was optimistic, especially about the new characters Julie had told them about.

“Okay. I’m ready!” he said finally after grabbing his bracelet, smiling as he prepared to jump down to Alex. “By the wa- WHAT?!”

Reggie yelped as he was suddenly pulled harshly away from where he sat on the ledge in the middle of his sentence. There was a bright flash before his eyes as he was unwillingly teleported… somewhere else.

His blood froze as another flash dropped him onto hard, cold ground. He didn’t move. He couldn’t see anything! Did I go blind or something?!

Don't panic. Don’t panic. Don’t panic.

The first thing he noticed was the cold. He drew his flannel tighter around him, but the frigid air seemed to go directly though it and he started shivering almost immediately. Reggie hadn't thought that, as a ghost, he would be able to feel pain, discomfort, or cold. But that was before they were all almost electrocuted out of existence. Yup. He could definitely feel cold.

The second thing he noticed was that he was, indeed, panicking.

His breath came in short gasps. He didn’t understand what was happening! Where was he? Why was he there? Neither Alex nor Luke had been close enough to touch him and teleport him, besides, they wouldn’t scare him like that! The only person(or ghost) he knew that could teleport people without touching them was Caleb Covington. The last person he wanted to see.

Reggie finally took a slow breath, counting to ten in his mind. That’s what Alex always did. It was fine. They would get out. We will get out. He looked at his new surroundings, or rather, tried to look. All he could “see” was darkness. It surrounded him.

“Alex? Luke?” He called, reaching out in the dark. Caleb had only ever teleported them altogether. He was positive that any second now, his hand would land on one of them, proving to him he wasn’t alone.

“Luke! Alex!”

“Okay s-stop it guys, this isn’t funny!” If they were trying to prank him or something, they were going to be in so much trouble.

“Guys?” Reggie whispered into the darkness. But silence was his only answer. His breathing picked up again. Where are they? I need them here!

He needed to find the light switch.

“Jeez, why is it so cold in h-here?” He thought out loud with chattering teeth as he found the icy wall with his hands. He traced his fingers along it, ignoring the dull pain. The cold made his fingers feel like they were slowly turning to ice.

“C’mon, where is it… Oh!” His hand found a switch of some kind and he immediately flipped it up. Light flooded through the small room and Reggie blinked furiously as his eyes adjusted.

“Uhhh...”

The first thing he noticed was that Alex and Luke were not there. He was alone in a musty room. The walls were a faded yellowish color. Cracked frames held declining pictures of…old Hollywood stars? Oh no...

There was movement, and Reggie jumped, but it was only his reflection. There was a mirror and a worn wooden desk in one corner of the room. The mirror was old-fashioned, the ones with the large light bulbs around the sides of it. This is a dressing room.

Or was. Cobwebs covered the ceiling and the dusty crystal chandelier. Everything looked breakable, and the makeup on the desk looked like it hadn’t been used since he was alive. Yikes. Besides, the temperature in this “dressing room” had to be below freezing, definitely too cold for any alive human to stay in for a long period of time.

It was confirmed. This room failed the vibe check.

“Okaaay… Sorry c-creepy room! It’s been fun-” Not. He needed to get out of there and find his friends. Reggie picutured their studio in his mind, easily his favorite place and the main place they teleported to, and willed himself to appear there.

Instead, he ran into a wall.

“Ugh..” Reggie groaned. He was still there! He had only teleported to the other side of the dressing room! No. He tried again. Again. This has to work! It has to!

But he was trapped.

Before he had time to have a panic attack, there was a sudden pop from behind him. Reggie spun around. Maybe it’s Luke or Ale-

It wasn't.

“Good morning Reginald!”

“C-Caleb,” Reggie gasped, his worst fears confirmed.

This was the ghost that stalked his nightmares. This was the ghost who had tried to take everything away from him. Reggie immediately clutched his wrists. Caleb had never gone so far as direct physical aggression, it was always a stamp. As long as I keep my wrists completely covered, everything will be fine. He can’t hurt any of us if he can’t get a stamp on us.

Luke promised that he would never see him again. On a particularly bad day, when a stamp that was long gone felt like it was still there and the memories of a performance they would never be able to tell Julie about haunted all three of them, he had sworn that they would never go near that club again. That they would never have to face this villain again.

Yet there he was. There was no way Luke could have known. No way they could have prepared for this.

Caleb smiled his huge fake grin that now sent a shiver down his spine. “Reggie, why aren't you dressed? You have a show in ten minutes!”

He probably looked so dumb, standing there like a deer in headlights, but he didn't care. There was only one thing on his mind.

“W-where are Luke a-and Alex.” Reggie stammered, his teeth chattering as he tried to speak.

Caleb raised an eyebrow. “Why, in their own dressing rooms of course. They have to get ready too, you know.”

Reggie gave a small sigh of relief. At least they aren't being forced to perform. “We d-don’t want to join your b-band. Let us go.” He wasn’t in the mood for his usual jokes. Not without his friends.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that Reginald.” Caleb replied simply.

What do you mean “I can’t do that”?! Of course you can! Reggie definitely wasn’t the one that got angry easily. He would much rather just joke around, be the fun one. Be cool in the moment, and deal with the consequences later. But Luke wasn’t there to take charge. Julie and Alex weren’t there, supporting him, bringing him comfort. He didn’t even know where his friends were! All he wanted was for them to be there so they could escape this situation! But he was facing Caleb alone. Everything about this situation was scaring him to death. The fear and anger came spilling out of him, and suddenly he was screaming.

“YES YOU CAN! Caleb, none of us will ever join your band! We already have one! Nothing you say or do will ever change that! Now LET US G-GO!”

Breathing heavily, Reggie glanced at the man with wide eyes, but his mouth was set in determination. He wasn’t sure how Caleb would react to that.

He didn’t look scared, as Reggie had silently hoped, or even surprised. He didn’t look mad either. He was just staring at him. Studying him, with a small smile on his face, as if he was but a clue to be cracked. An interesting equation to be solved. Reggie took another step backward. That was not what he had been expecting.

“Your costume is over there.” Caleb said happily, pointing at something shiny draped on the clothing rack as he turned and walked away from him. “See you on the stage!” He exclaimed.

Is he actually going to ignore everything I just said? Reggie opened his mouth defiantly and followed him, desperate to say whatever he needed to to get him and his friends out of this place. But the man kept talking...

“Oh, and I almost forgot-”

Caleb spun around and slapped him viciously across the face.

Reggie was thrown backward and hit the cold floor, hard. He froze in shock, a hand clutched to his cheek as his attacker towered over him.

He should have anticipated it. He should have at least flinched away when the hand came down on him, but he didn't! It had just been so long, so long since someone had hit him like that. So long since he had been in danger of being struck for speaking out of turn. So long since he didn’t have his friends to go to for protection. He had finally lost the reflex.

Sharp pain radiated from where he had been hit, and black spots clouded his vision. His eyes watered as he looked up at Caleb, his entire body trembling. He was terrified.

“Like my new stamp design? I just finished it!”

No, Reggie thought, his heart dropping inside his chest. No, no NO!

It was true. Keeping both eyes on Caleb he moved a shaking hand over his cheek. Sure enough, he could feel the raised outline of a dreaded stamp there. Caleb stalked towards him, his voice growing dangerous as he leaned closer. Reggie scrambled backward, trying to keep a few feet between himself and this monster.

“You will do exactly as I say, when I say it,” Caleb hissed, his smile growing wider. Distorted. Demented. “If you ever disrespect me like that ever again, I will show your friends the true meaning of pain. Would you like an example?”

Reggie didn’t even have time to answer. Caleb whipped something small and gold out of his suit pocket before clicking it.

Then Reggie knew only pain.

“Ahh!” He cried out, clutching his chest. He thought that nothing would ever be more painful than their final jolts on the night of the Orpheum performance, but boy, was he wrong. Reggie keeled over as every part of his body was electrocuted by a massive jolt from the stamp. The burning, excruciating pain lingered in his chest and cheek and tears sprang to his eyes.

Reggie had always handled physical pain the worst out of all his friends. The tears threatened to fall, just as they had on that fateful night when Julie found them in the garage, but Reggie quickly wiped his eyes.

He would never give Caleb the satisfaction of seeing him cry.

Caleb opened his mouth to say something, but instead his eyes fell to something on the ground in front of him. Reggie hesitantly followed his gaze.

My bracelet!

Reggie’s arm shot out, pain ignored as he snatched the little woven thing into his hands. He must have forgotten to put energy into it while he was reeling in pain.

I won’t let that happen again.

Last week, after watching the new Mandolorian episode with Julie, they were all bored. They followed her upstairs, where she went into her closet and got out this old case. She blew off the dust and inside… was a whole bunch of colored string! She patiently showed them how to weave simple bracelets. It was fairly easy. All they had to do was make sure they focused a little bit of energy into their hands, and they could hold the string! They sat there for a good hour, making bracelets and talking quietly.

As expected, the peace didn’t last long.

All he did was make fun of Alex’s knotted-up “bracelet”. Once! Before Reggie knew it, the various colors of the rainbow came flying at his head. Soon enough it was a free for all. They grabbed the bundles and chucked them at one another. There was string everywhere. They had a complete friendship-bracelet string war, laughing wildly as pillows and string flew through the air. At one point, him and Alex tackled Luke to the ground and held him there so Julie could braid string into his hair. In the end, each of them had string tangled in their hair, Julie’s room was absolutely trashed, and they were all exhausted. They crashed immediately afterward, covered with string and cuddled up on Julie’s bed.

Also, each of them had 4 or 5 woven bracelets that they made themselves. His were obviously the best, but Julie’s were pretty good too. They traded them around, and now they each had one from everyone else. They even had some for Willie and Flynn!

The one he picked to wear today was the one Jules made him, and in order for the ghosts to wear them they continually focused a tiny bit of energy to keep it on their wrists. It was so simple that he hardly ever thought about it.

Until now.

Caleb’s voice yanked him from his thoughts.

“Stings more than the worst of the other ones, doesn't it?” He gloated as Reggie coughed. If he wasn’t already dead, Reggie was sure he’d be coughing blood into his hands. But Caleb didn’t care. “Yes. And they will only get more painful. Unlike those other stamps, this-”

Caleb bent down and reached for Reggie’s face, but he was ready this time. He flinched so hard that he dodged Caleb’s hand altogether. Yes! The horrendous smile faltered and Reggie thought he just might leave him alone. Nope. The rough hand made contact a second time and Reggie’s chin was jerked upward.

“This will give you only a few more days to live!” The excitement in his voice was sickening.

“Reginald, the only escape from nonexistence is to join my band.” Caleb sobered. He had the nerve to look sympathetic. As if he wasn’t the one doing this to them.

“Never.” Reggie spat, the fury and pain fueling his confidence once again, if only for a moment. He shoved the hand away and struggled to his feet. There was a flash of something unusual in Caleb’s dark eyes. Surprise? Fear? It was gone as fast as it came.

If Caleb thought he was just going to give up that quickly, he had another thing coming. As long as his friends were in danger, Reggie Peters would fight.

“Hm. We’ll see.” He messed with the little gold device in his hands as Reggie sat there, still trying to catch his breath after the jolt, before suddenly barking orders. “Now get up! Get ready. And keep quiet. We wouldn't want Luke and Alex feeling like this now would we!”

No! Never! That was the absolute last thing he wanted. Reggie glared at him, some choice words ready to leave his mouth.

Click.

Another purple flash and Reggie doubled over, unable to speak. His clenched teeth were the only thing keeping him from screaming in agony. The bracelet, the bracelet, remember the bracelet!

“Would we?”

“N-no!” He choked out.

“That's better.” The button was slipped back into the pocket, and Caleb turned. He’s gonna teleport away!

“Wait!” Reggie blurted. He couldn't let this happen to his friends too. “D-don’t put a stamp on them. Please. Just don’t put a s-stamp on Luke or Alex.” He would do anything if it meant Alex and Luke didn’t have to go through this. They didn’t deserve that. Not that he thought he did, but he would much rather it be him than them. His bandmates, plus Julie now, meant everything to him. He could do this for them. He just hoped it would be enough for Caleb.

“That’s entirely up to you.” Caleb concluded, not even looking at him.“ I hope you will consider my offer.” With a flash he was gone, leaving Reggie alone in the small, freezing room, the threats and orders echoing in his head. Reggie waited before taking a breath. He’s gone.

Darn. We're so gonna miss those movies.

Reggie was certain of one thing. He was not going to put on that costume. Caleb could poof him into whatever atrocious, uncomfortable clothes he wanted, and he could pry the red flannel from Reggie’s cold, dead hands(literally).

He looked into the icy mirror at his already swelling face, the bold purple stamp standing out against his pale features. His immediate reaction was to claw at it, get it off his skin, but he knew it wouldn't do any good.

He tried to poof out approximately 7 more times before slumping against the desk, shivering and sore. The ground swayed under his feet, and his head pounded. He just sat down on the freezing ground. Reggie didn’t feel like he could do anything in 10 minutes, especially not be forced to perform. But no matter how much he hated it, he knew he didn’t have a choice.

Great. The tears were back. No. No crying. Not here. He shoved all his feelings of dread and fear away. He had to be confident, no matter how fake it was. He could not show weakness to Caleb. In his mind he heard Luke, telling him off for suppressing feelings again. “That will only make it worse Reg. You know that.” He did! But this time it was necessary. His friends could help him deal with the feelings later, once they got out.

He was going to work on an escape plan, he just needed a minute of rest first. He was so tired(yes, ghosts can get tired too). Just...one minute...

Reggie closed his eyes, imagining he was back in the garage, still joking around with his best friends. Pretending he still felt safe. Pretending, just for a second, that he was home.

[terminallymystical]

hi so this is an essay on the siege of bastogne i wrote for school!! feel free to just read or use as a basis for your own HIS essays! i just had a lot of fun writing this and i wanted to share :> the cited works are at the very end, no actual links but most of the references can be found in file format online! x

Easy Company and the 101st: The Siege of Bastogne

THE BEGINNING OF HOW THE AMERICANS WITHSTOOD THE NAZI’S LAST OFFENCE

“On December 21, it snowed, a soft, dry snow. It kept coming, 6 inches, 12 inches. The temperature fell to well below freezing, the wind came up… The men were colder than they had ever been in their lives. They only had their jump boots and battle dress with trench coats… Runners went into Bastogne and returned with flour sacks and beds sheets which provided some warmth and camouflage… the cold penetrated right into the bones. Shivering was as normal as breathing.” [1]

The events that occurred between 16 December, 1944 to 25 January, 1945, became known as the Battle of the Bulge. To this day it is the third deadliest campaign in American military history, resulting in estimated 89,500 casualties for the Americans, and between 63,000 to 98,000 for the Germans. This includes killed, wounded, missing and captured men. Approximately 3,000 civilians were killed. [2] For the 101st Division, total battle casualties in the Bulge were 1,766 killed, 6,388 wounded, and 207 missing in action. One of the major battles in the Bulge was the Siege of Bastogne, which happened between the 20th and 27th of December, 1944.

Bastogne is the hub of the highway net covering the eastern Ardennes— a countryside forbidding to the movement of mechanized forces except when the roads are available. Meaning the surroundings of the town are densely forested, with rough terrain and ridges formed by the Ardennes mountain range. By holding Bastogne, the Allies could unhinge German communications who were striking westward to the line of the River Meuse. [3] The German’s plan was to surround Bastogne and capture the Belgian port of Antwerp, consequentially cutting off supply to four Allied armies and trapping them there. If the Germans succeeded, they would have forced the Allies into a peace-treaty that favoured the Axis power. [4] In order to do this they had to gain control of the seven main roads through Belgium, which converged in the crossroads at Bastogne. The Allied Commanders considered the Ardennes area to be unsuitable for a large-scale German offensive. The surprise on the hand of the Germans was achieved, like most surprises in war, because the offensive made no sense. And because the defenders were guilty of gross overconfidence. [5]

After Hitler launched what would be his last offensive attack on 16 December, Eisenhower made a critical decision for the entire battalion without consultation of anyone outside of his staff, declaring the crossroads town of Bastogne as the place that had to be held no matter what. On 17 December alone, 60,000 men plus ammunition and other supplies, were transported into the Ardennes. In the first week, Eisenhower moved 250,000 men and 50,000 vehicles onto the front lines. Not even in Korea, Vietnam, or the Gulf War, was the U.S Army capable of moving so many men and so much equipment so quickly. [6] Easy Company was among them. All the men knew was that there was a gaping hole in the line and they were being sent to fill it. Grossly under-equipped for battle, the men were sent into the Ardennes with insufficient ammunition, no winter clothing, little food, and little medical supplies.

When the troop convoys carrying the 101st stopped outside of Bastogne, the men jumped out and marched down the road toward the Ardennes. The men they were relieving came toward them defeated and exhausted, some were panicked and yelling at their relievers to run away. Easy and the other companies in 2nd Battalion tried to gather what ammunition they could from the retreating soldiers, but it still wouldn’t be enough. Sounds of the battle were coming closer. To the rear, south of Bastogne, the Germans were about to cut the highway and complete the encirclement of the Bastogne area. Easy had no artillery or air support due to the low hanging fog that had fallen in the forest.

“We weren’t particularly elated at being here. Rumours are that Krauts are everywhere and hitting hard. Farthest from your mind is the thought of falling back. In fact it isn’t there at all. And so you dig your hole carefully and deep, and wait, not for that mythical superman, but for the enemy you had beaten twice before and will again. You look first to the left, then right, at your buddies also preparing. You feel confident with Bill over there. You know you can depend on him.” [7]

The men were sent out on patrols. Mortar attacks would fall. Snipers by day, and an even worse bitter cold by night. No one had enough sleep. Shell bursts hitting trees sent splinters, branches, trunks, and metal showering down on the men and their foxholes. For protection, they would cover their holes with logs, but without axes it was extremely difficult. Officers had to watch their men for signs of breaking. Captain Richard Winters of E. Company sensed that Private Joseph Liebgott was on the edge, so he brought the man back to the battalion command post to be his runner. “Just being back 50 yards off the front line made a tremendous difference in the tension.” Winters wrote. [8] Light didn’t come until 0800, and darkness fell at 1600. Sixteen hours of night in frozen conditions made the men miserable, but they pushed through it. Winters recalled, “When a man was hit hard enough for evacuation, he was usually very happy, and we were happy for him— he had a ticket out to the hospital, or even a ticket home— alive. When a man was killed— he looked ‘so peaceful’. His suffering was over.” [9]

Christmas eve rolled around. The men received General McAuliffe’s Christmas greetings. “What’s merry about all this, you ask?… Just this: We have stopped cold everything that has been thrown at us from the north, east, south and west. We have identifications from four German Panzer Divisions, two German Infantry Divisions and one German Parachute Division… The Germans actually did surround us, their radios blared our doom. Their Commander demanded our surrender in the following impudent arrogance:

“To the U.S.A Commander of the encircled town of Bastogne.

The fortune of war is changing. This time the U.S.A. forces in and near Bastogne have been encircled by strong German armoured units. More German armoured units have crossed the river Our near Ortheuville, have taken Marche and reached St. Hubert by passing through Hompre-Sibret-Tillet. Libramont is in German hands.

There is only one possibility to save the encircled U.S.A. troops from total annihilation: that is the honourable surrender of the encircled town. In order to think it over a term of two hours will be granted beginning with the presentation of this note.

If this proposal should be rejected one German Artillery Corps and six heavy A. A. Battalions are ready to annihilate the U.S.A. troops in and near Bastogne. The order for firing will be given immediately after this two hours term. All the serious civilian losses caused by this artillery fire would not correspond with the well-known American humanity.

The German Commander.”

Shortly after, General McAuliffe sent the following communication to von Lüttwitz in response:

“To the German Commander.

NUTS!

The American Commander.”

McAuliffe continues: “We are giving our country and our loved ones at home a worthy Christmas present and being privileged to take part in this gallant feat of arms are truly making for ourselves a Merry Christmas. A. C. McAuliffe, Commanding.” [10]

The men of the 101st didn’t share McAuliffe’s upbeat attitude. However, on the day following Christmas, Lt. Col. Creighton Abrams of the 37th Tank Battalion broke through the German lines. The 101st were no longer surrounded, and soon enough supply trucks were coming through and bringing the men food, medical supplies, winter clothing and ammunition. The wounded were evacuated, and in the breaking of the siege the men learned that they had become a legend even as the battle continued. To the outside world, the men of the 101st Division became known as the ‘Battered Bastards of Bastogne’. [11]

While the men were expecting to return to Camp Mourmelon to ‘bask in the Allied world’s adulation and perhaps to celebrate the New Year in Paris’, [12] their hopes were cut short when they were ordered to continue holding the line. Their conditions had improved, seeing as they now had winter clothing and a hot meal every now and then, but the frigid temperatures lingered with the snow and the Germans were now shelling the company daily. “At midnight, on the eve of 1945, every gun in Bastogne and every mortar piece on the MLR joined in a serenade of explosives hurled at the Germans.” [13]

Easy Company and the rest of the 101st Division’s time in the Ardennes over the course of eight days was an excruciating and extremely difficult struggle. One that had brought physical and emotional suffering to men on both sides, and a staggering amount of casualties in such a short period of time. Their ‘victory’ was hard won, but holding the line at Bastogne was essential to stopping the German forces from advancing and successfully capturing the crossroads. The 101st Airborne wouldn’t depart the Ardennes region and enter the French town of Hagenau until January 18, and they would suffer many more losses, but the Siege over Bastogne had been broken.

  WORKS CITED

[1] “Band of Brothers” Ambrose, Stephen E. (1992) p. 181 [4] p. 172 [6] p. 174 [7] p. 177-178 [8] p. 187 [9] p. 187 [12] p. 191 [13] p. 193

[2] “Bastogne: The First Eight Days” Marshall, S.L.A. (1988) p. 9

[3] “The Sixth Panzer Army Attack” Cole, H. (1965)

[5] “The Unknown Dead: Civilians in the Battle of the Bulge” Schrijvers, Peter (2005) University Press of Kentucky

[10] “Rendevous with Destiny” Rapport and Northwood, p. 545 [11] p. 586

[ilovethings-somuch]

The Smallest Audience Member

Chris Evans x Reader

Anon Requested: I have this A-level fluffy idea that came to mind. Its a dad!Chris Evans x reader. So Chris stars in this Broadway show (Lobby Hero) so, when you guys attend your 3 yr old boy keeps calling him wanting his attention. (Idk if that's possible in general, but its fanfic, so, *shrugs*) You can end it however you like. Would you be comfortable writing it? Pretty please?

A/N: Obviously this request came in when Chris was actually doing Lobby Hero, unfortunately, I’m the worst and writer's block + school has been killing me so I didn’t finish until now. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! 

(I do reference the mustache in the fic, but I wouldn’t want the picture to be an act of aggression) 

Chris being involved in a Broadway show was kind of a dream come true for him. He always talked about how he didn’t love acting in movies as much as he had when he started out, but performing live every day was just the thing he needed to reignite his love for acting. The only unfortunate thing about it was that James and I were stuck home in Boston while Chris had to live in New York for a couple of months. At 3 years old James had begun to understand that Daddy’s job meant he wasn’t home all the time, but that didn’t make the time apart any easier. For that reason, along with a few personal ones, I made it a point to take some time off from work near the end of his play run so that we could stay with Chris in New York and have a chance to see him perform before all heading back to Boston together.

As much as I wanted to surprise Chris by showing up in New York, I knew that it would be too difficult to figure out the logistics of travel and where to meet him without his help. So, after hinting at the idea for a while and finally telling him about how I got time off from work, we set to work on figuring out the best travel plans for me and James to visit for 2 weeks.

Arriving in New York with a 3-year-old was much more stressful than I imagined, and the fact that our flight was right in the middle of what should have been nap time only made matters worse. I got an Uber from the airport to Chris’ temporary home and he met us on the front step with a huge smile on his face. James’ mood seemed to change the moment he saw his dad, even though Chris had changed his look pretty dramatically with the mustache and hair, James didn’t seem to mind the change and all the attitude that was coming out before quickly melted away as Chris led us into the apartment. After some slight fussing Chris managed to convince James to take a nap, leaving me and Chris to have some time to ourselves to catch up. Once we were fully alone Chris and I shared our first kiss in over two months. It felt reassuring and normal, minus the change in facial hair which left me rubbing my upper lip.

“That’s gonna be something new to get used to,” I said.

“Sorry,” Chris replied sheepishly. “Only two more weeks, it’ll be the first thing to go.”

I gave him another kiss to prove that I would get through it. Even though we’d been talking on the phone or facetiming pretty consistently while he’d been gone, it’s always better when I’m with him and can reach out and touch him or kiss him whenever I want to.

Once James woke up from his nap, we had a couple hours to grab dinner before Chris had to be at the theater. Chris ordered in from the restaurant he’s been raving about ever since he got to New York and I get a sense of what he’s been up to around here without me and James around. Before the show actually started, he seemed to be at the theater almost constantly, but now that they’re actually performing they have a lot more free time. However, Chris informed me that performing live is way more exhausting than being on a movie set all day, so even though he does have free time, he spends a good portion of that just lounging around his apartment.

James and I weren’t going to Chris’s show that night since it runs too late for James to stay awake through it and be in a good mood, so once he headed to the theater I found a nice park in the area and headed over there to let James get some energy out. Upon seeing the dog park in the same area I regretted not driving down and bringing Dodger along on this visit, then again I couldn’t remember if Chris’ apartment was dog-friendly or not and I wouldn’t have wanted to get him in trouble.

On Saturdays, Chris had two shows a day instead of one. While this meant that we’d have less time to actually spend with him, it also meant that James and I would be able to go to his 2 o’clock show. Chris was nervous about us seeing him perform, but I knew he was going to do great and I couldn’t wait to see him on stage. James didn’t totally understand, but he was at least agreeable when I convinced him he needed a nap earlier in the day if he wanted to stay up to see Daddy’s show.

Chris had to be at the theater an hour before the show started. We ate a quick lunch together while James was napping before he left. It seemed like neither of us could get over the fact that we were together, and we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. Granted, it wasn't the same way as before we had James, or if James hadn't come with, but even the chaste touches were special after being apart.

After Chris left I set about making James' lunch and packing a small bag of snacks and quiet activities to keep him occupied in case he got bored during the show. Once James was awake and he had eaten it was time to head to the theater. Chris' apartment was close enough to the theater that I decided we could walk. James wanted to walk on his own but since he's not good at holding my hand and we were in a hurry I opted to carry him. The theater was easy to spot due to the large number of people accumulating outside. I got in line with other people who had pre-bought their tickets. I saw a few people with Captain America gear and knew they were here for Chris. It was always nice to see how his fan base supported him in every aspect of his career.

The line started moving relatively quickly and we were ushered inside. I was able to find our seats with little hassle in the small broadway theater. James started bouncing in his seat the moment I set him down and I had to quickly sit him down all the way which caused him to pout at me. I was able to keep him busy with his favorite book for the short period of time we had to spare before the show started. As soon as the lights dimmed I noticed James yawn largely, that one small action gave me the littlest bit of confidence that he would fall asleep during the show or at least relax enough to stay quiet. Unfortunately, that confidence went out the door as soon as Chris stepped on stage and gave his first line. James perked up immediately and when he located Chris’ spot on stage a huge smile grew on his face and he began to wave over his head. I quickly moved him onto my lap and whispered to him that he needed to be quiet and sit nicely if he wanted to stay for Daddy’s show. He didn’t seem to understand this request and gave me a pout, but nonetheless, he obeyed and moved back to his seat where he stayed mostly quiet through the rest of the show. At the intermission, Chris sent me a text saying he saw James waving at the beginning, along with a cry-laughing emoji. I passed on the information that Chris saw us in the hopes that it would get James to stop trying to get his attention. It mostly worked, but there were still a few moments in the second half when Chris got close to our side of the stage and James tried to call to him.

All in all, it wasn’t a bad outing for a 3-year-old and I was proud of how well he behaved. An usher found of after the performance and lead us back to Chris’ dressing room.

“Hey, what did you guys think?” Chris greeted us.

“You did amazing! I mean, I kind of hated your character, but that just made it all the more impressive.” James leans from my arms into Chris’ as we spoke and quickly piped up about him being on the stage.

“I was on the stage, was that cool?”

“You were a cop!” James said excitedly and Chris laughed.

“I was, I was pretending to be a cop for the show.”

“And you was talking funny,” James added with a slight scowl on his face.

“I was, wasn’t I? Hey, are you hungry?” Chris changed the subject and James gave an enthusiastic yes.  “Perfect, I know just the place for dinner.”

The rest of our trip to New York passed rather uneventfully, with sightseeing, testing out New York’s finest Pizza places, and stopping at some museums the time passed too quickly. Before I knew it Chris’ play run was coming to an end and it was time for all of us to head back to Boston. It was bittersweet for Chris. He loved his time acting on the stage again, but I knew he was excited about getting back home to the rest of his family, especially Dodger.

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Let me know if you would like to be added or removed from a tag list!

[artificialqueens]

Say My Name Part 3 (Rajaska) - Albatross

AN: it’s finally finished…the main story anyway…when i first started writing this fic i only intended for it to be rajaska but as i worked on it, i kinda realized that the pairing is even cuter when you throw a third person into the mix (you can guess who). at least i think it’s cuter that way…so i’m gonna write up a (hopefully) short sequel some time in the next few weeks. aside from that, i’m looking to finish off AAA girls fic in about 2 weeks and i’ve started a third/fourth series (that phrasing will make more sense later on). thanks to everyone who’s been showing support as i finish up this story, i’m sorry the updates haven’t been as frequent as they could have been. love you guys so much <3

“Go get her!” Willam shouted through the window of his car as Alaska rushed into the terminal to catch her plane in time.

True, she wasn’t late just yet but after spending so much time in airports flying from one gig to the next, Alaska knew how unpredictable flight departure times could be. She and Willam had put together a quick carry-on bag and made it out the door in under 30 minutes but the traffic leading to the airport was much heavier than either of them would have expected. Still, her plane wasn’t scheduled to leave for nearly another hour so she felt rather safe now that she was standing in line at the counter to check in and receive her boarding pass.

She easily fell back into the well practiced motions of working her way through security and finding the correct departure gate, it was almost second-nature to her at this point. This was such a routine experience that she barely noticed the time passing by until she heard the boarding announcements over the intercom and took her place in the queue to enter the plane’s cabin. Even as she took her seat and listened to the mandatory safety instructions, this hardly felt any different from any other trip she had taken. She was almost at ease in the familiar setting but that soon changed once the plane roared to life and began to roll down the runway. As the aircraft ascended it felt like her stomach had been left on the ground and her brain finally seemed to comprehend the gravity of her situation.

She had decided to do all of this on a whim; booking a hotel and flight out to Raja’s next show to try and apologize again in person. It was so incredibly risky Alaska couldn’t believe she gone through with it with so little planning. It hadn’t even been a full 24 hours since the events at Fubar, yet here she was flying across the country just to make up with Raja. Yes, she had shown concern for her by asking Willam to reach out with an update after he had checked on Alaska but by no means did that mean she was any less upset from earlier. If anything Alaska’s irrational actions might have pissed her off even more. And now here she was, showing up out of the blue to one of her gigs without even so much as a head’s up text? God, she could be so short-sighted…

No.

She wasn’t going to think like that. Raja means a lot to her. Its not love, not yet, but maybe it could be and if she waited until Raja’s touring was over before fixing this, she knew she would never forgive herself for it. She had to push aside her anxiety if she was going to pursue this relationship. Yes, it was going to be uncomfortable but she knew that Raja was more than worth it…even Willam agreed with her. If he felt that this wasn’t something that would be in her best interest, he would not hesitate to tell her, she was certain of that.

To distract herself from any more intrusive thoughts or self-doubt, she decided to focus on what she would say to Raja. Everything she came up with felt lazy and incomplete at first; like there would never be enough words in any language to describe how sorry she was or how much she wanted to build a true relationship with her. But slowly little by little, Alaska pieced together what she felt was almost the perfect apology or at least somewhere to start the dialogue. It had taken more time than she cared to admit just to reach a point where she was satisfied with what she would use to open the conversation but by the time the plane pulled into the airport for a not-so-brief layover, Alaska felt confident she at least had the groundwork laid out for what she felt would be one of the most potentially life-altering conversations of her life.

Booking the flight so last minute meant that she had the very last pick of available tickets. She felt rather lucky that she managed to find even an economy seat for a flight with only one stop before reaching its destination. Granted this wasn’t the busiest time for people to be traveling (the first plane had left LAX just a bit after 9 PM) and the layover time reflected that…she had roughly 5 hours to kill, so long as there were no delays with the connecting flight. She took that time to grab a quick bite to eat and consume enough coffee to keep her awake until she was back on the plane.

After the final ascent into the air, Alaska allowed herself to fall asleep for the remaining 4 hours of her flight. Even though the time difference wasn’t more than three hours, she wanted to be completely awake for the long night ahead. It was a troubled sleep but that was to be expected between her own fears of what would happen when she faced Raja and the unpredictable tilting and rocking of the plane as it hit periodic patches of turbulence. When the plane finally touched down it was just about noon on the Eastern coast and Alaska was starving with just a hint of jet lag to boot. Thankfully, she only had her carry-on containing her luggage but it still took nearly 45 minutes before she was able to work her way through the airport and leave for the hotel.

The very first thing she did upon entering the building was make her way to their cafe area, ordering yet more coffee and something to fill her stomach for lunch. But as much as she wanted to eat, her stomach was still uneasy and she could only bring herself to finish about half of the meal she ordered. Pushing the plate away with a sigh, she checked in at the front desk and made her way up to her room. Throwing herself onto the mattress, Alaska pulled out her phone to text Willam that she had made it there safely. Within five minutes, he sent a short reply wishing her luck and warning her not to chicken out. Part of her wondered if he ever got around to calling Raja back and if so, would he mention where she was. The answers were almost certainly ‘Yes’ and 'No’ but as curious as she was, it didn’t feel quite right to ask him.

Every so often she would replay exactly what she intended to say to Raja, making minor adjustments here and there, to ensure she wouldn’t forget it. As the minutes ticked by the butterflies she felt seemed to multiply exponentially. Not even performing before massive audiences was she ever this nervous. She toyed with the idea of trying to reach out to Raja before the show but every time her fingers hovered over her contact information, her mind dove into all of the potentially disastrous outcomes. It would be best just to wait until they were face to face…

When it finally came time to leave for the venue she felt a strange combination of relief and impending dread. As she waited for the Uber driver to pick her up, she was genuinely tempted to cancel the request. The three things that prevented her from doing so were that 1. it would just be plain rude when he was already so close to her location, 2. Willam would never let her hear the end of it if he found out and of course 3. Raja. No further explanation needed on the last one.

By some stroke of luck the club was only a 10 minute ride from the hotel and if she had been inclined to, she probably could have walked there with little effort. But given that she was not all too familiar with this area it was probably safer just to be driven to the show. Even though she hadn’t performed in this location more than maybe once or twice, she was almost immediately recognized by the manager who was assisting at the bar that night. They engaged in a bit of small talk as Alaska ordered her drink which ended with Alaska emphatically asking her if it would be possible for other queens not to be told that she was in the audience tonight. With an understanding smile, she assured Alaska she would do her best keep any mention of her from appearing in the dressing room. Gratefully, Alaska thanked her and asked hopefully if it might also be alright for her to speak with Raja after the show.

“Of course!” she replied as she worked on mixing another drink. “There’s the meet and greet right after, but if you don’t mind waiting till she’s done, you’re absolutely welcome to go back there.”

Shooting her a wide smile, Alaska promised to take her up on the offer and disappeared into the crowd with a slightly more positive outlook. She made sure to stick to the shadows and remain as far out of sight as possible but no less than 8 people spotted her and asked for a picture. Obliging, she posed with each requester and prayed that nothing would alert Raja to the fact that she was here. It was one of the many times she was glad a queen wasn’t as active on social media as they could be. Eventually the show began and Alaska became just another face in the crowd. Watching Raja perform was mesmerizing and it reminded her all over again what had attracted her in the first place. Of course Raja was an amazing artist, but it was Sutan that had kept her interested beyond a strictly professional level. It was always the times when it was simply 'Justin and Sutan’ that held the fondest memories for her.

And maybe it was just a bit of wishful thinking, but when Alaska starting analyzing every detail of Raja’s numbers, her face always seemed to be tinged with the slightest hint of sadness, even during the most upbeat songs when she would plaster the widest smile on her face. The entire show ended up being quite long thanks to the sheer number of artists performing that night but Alaska barely noticed the ache in her feet until the queens exited the stage for the last time and the lights came back on. She found her way back to the bar and ordered another drink as the hostess gave the usual announcements regarding the different meet and greet tiers and of course, plugs for other upcoming shows. Most of the general audience quickly dispersed due to the late hour, aside from those trying to fit in one last drink or hit on someone they had been eyeing throughout the show.

Alaska absently watched the other attendees file out as she sipped her drink, turning around every so often for a picture with the few fans still sober enough to recognize her. She was in a partially dazed state when the manager saddled up next to her over an hour later to escort her backstage. Startled back to reality, Alaska refocused herself on her mission and tried to mentally prepare for anything that might happen in the next few minutes. Coming upon the dressing rooms tucked away in the back of the building, the manager stopped halfway down the passage and motioned to the second door on left. “She’s right in there. Should be alone, most other queens have left by now except for some of our regular girls who always use the rooms down at the end.”

“Thanks,” Alaska replied gratefully as she paused a few feet from the door.

“Not a problem. We’re still open for another hour to clean up, so take your time.”

With that, she gave Alaska a bright smile and turned heel to run back to the bar. Alaska waited until she was out of sight before daring to face the room. She half-expected to find Raja standing behind her but to her mild relief the only indication that anyone else was left in this part of the building was the light chatter filtering from further down the hall. Shuffling quietly into the open doorway, she paused just outside threshold to watch as Raja absently removed her makeup in front of the large mirror sitting on the counter top. With each pass of the cloth over her face, more of Sutan emerged and even from where Alaska stood, she could see just how tired and listless she was as she went through the de-dragging process in a mechanical, near auto-pilot mode.

While she worked up the courage to make her presence known, Alaska remarked to herself just how similar this situation was to the one that began this whole chain of events. She wondered if Raja had felt this nervous before she had knocked on her door as well. It was hard to imagine anyone as confident as Raja being shaken by anything but there always seemed to be a hidden depth to her personality that Alaska had yet to fully experience.

Forcing herself into action now that Raja’s face was entirely makeup-free, she knocked lightly on the door frame and called out with far more confidence than she actually felt, “Sutan?”

The instant the name passed her lips, Raja seemed to come back to life and glanced at the doorway through the mirror. Her face was truly a study at that point. As hard as she tried to stifle it; a smile was determined to spread over her lips while her eyes flashed between conflicting emotions. The most readily identifiable ones were surprise, pain, and to Alaska’s relief; joy. Spinning around sharply, she stared at the man in front of her as though she didn’t trust what she was seeing and whispered in disbelief, “Alaska?”

With a firm tone, she corrected her, “Justin.”

“Justin…” Raja repeated slowly.

“It’s next time,” she said hopefully, chewing on her bottom lip in apprehension. Raja’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the statement until she remembered the last thing she texted to Alaska. “Can I…?” she trailed off timidly.

Fixing a neutral expression on her face, Raja straightened her posture and nodded for her to continue. Alaska nervously stepped inside the room and stopped just a few feet in front of Raja. She didn’t dare come any closer or to make any assumptions that she would be forgiven tonight. All the same, she hoped that at the very least Raja would see her sincerity and they could at least resume their friendship.

Pushing down a heavy swallow, Alaska started to recall her heartfelt apology but the moment her eyes had locked again with Raja’s; she felt her mind go blank and instead of a well-rehearsed, flowery speech, the first thing that actually left her mouth was, “I’m gonna fuck up, probably a lot.”

And with that, the verbal diarrhea she had tried so hard to contain came spilling out once more. Raja’s eyebrow had arched at the opening statement but even if she wanted to say something, there was no chance Alaska would have heard it over her own outburst. Much like how it had been at Fubar; once started, she found herself unable to control her own rambling until it reached the point where she wanted to rip out her hair in frustration.

She had spent hours preparing for this, how could she have forgotten everything so easily?

She was almost in tears with the thought of idiotic she must have looked as she stumbled over her words until she saw Raja covering her mouth with her hand and shaking with hidden laughter.

“What?” Alaska whined, realizing too late how childish she sounded.

“I’m sorry,” Raja said amused as she closed the distance between them, “You just…really suck at this.”

“I know!” she lamented with a groan, no longer caring how immature she appeared. Raja gave her a sympathetic smile and ran her hand over Alaska’s arm as she went on to explain, “I had it all planned out, I swear! I was practicing it on the plane, at the hotel, even up to when your show started…then once I tried to tell you…it was gone. You just looked at me and I blanked…”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Raja consoled her, running her fingers through Alaska’s hair as she fiddled with the sleeve of her jacket. “Just take a moment and then start with whatever you can remember.”

Alaska nodded and took in a deep breath as she relaxed into Raja’s touch. She wanted to bury herself in Raja’s arms more than anything but it was still much too soon for that. Instead she indulged herself in the feather-light strokes through her messy locks and tried to recall even a single line of her original script. In the end, all that she could remember were random bits and pieces but it was better than nothing, she supposed. Once she found herself able to think clearly again, she looked up into the patient gaze that had been watching her the entire time.

Noticing she was ready to try again, Raja encouraged her with a gentle, “Go on.”

Haltingly, Alaska began with, “I…I talked with Willam…He explained some things to me…” Raja’s lips twitched at the name but didn’t make a comment as Alaska moved forward with her apology.

“At first, I didn’t really get why the name pissed you off so much,” she confessed, “but I think I do now…I’m gonna mess up, I know I will. I’ll slip and call you the wrong name but I’m not gonna stop trying. I will get better, I promise…I will learn. And at Fubar, I’m more than sorry about what happened - ”

“Justin, it wasn’t really the name that upset me.” Raja interrupted with a soft sigh. “We’ve known each other for a really long time now…We’ve pretty much always been 'Raja’ and 'Alaska’ to each other…It’s how we met, how we spend a lot of our time together…I know how much used to idolize me-”

“Still do,” Alaska interjected with a shy smile.

Returning her own fond grin, Raja continued on to admit, “I just…I wanted to be sure that you’re seeing all sides of me before we get into this…I…I don’t want to get more attached just to have you discover that only liked 'Raja’.”

Alaska could hardly believe what she had just heard. Never would she have guessed that Raja had that concern; it seemed so foreign to her that Raja could be insecure about anything…but the fact that she felt comfortable enough to expose that vulnerability meant the world to her. Deciding to take a chance, she pressed a fleeting kiss to Raja’s lips and assured her, “I do like 'Raja’…but I like 'Sutan’ a lot more. I always have. And as much as I love seeing 'Raja’ perform…I’d much rather just hang out with 'Sutan’ any day.”

The tension around Raja’s eyes slowly melted away until her gaze was a soft as her smile. Resting her forehead against Alaska’s, she suggested cautiously, “I think maybe we should slow things down just a little…get to know each other again…is that alright?”

“Absolutely,” Alaska whispered as she returned her own smile. It wasn’t exactly how she had pictured the situation being resolved but it works. If Raja wants to take it slow, then she would only move at snail’s pace until she heard otherwise.

The hand in her hair removed itself and tilted her chin up as a light kiss was pressed to her lips. She stepped closer, closing what little gap remained between their bodies and clutched Raja’s sides like she was the last solid thing left in the world. Raja’s tongue was lazily tracing against her lips when the queens were jolted back to reality by the sound of the dressing room door being hurriedly shut.

Alaska pulled away just enough to question quietly, “Wonder who saw that…”

Nervously, Raja asked, “Do you mind?”

Shaking her head with a breathy laugh, Alaska replied, “No, not really.”

“Good,” Raja whispered with a relieved grin as she captured Alaska’s lips for a brief kiss. “Cause when the time comes, I’m telling everyone…just try and stop me.”

Alaska rolled her eyes at the definitive statement and jabbed her thumb towards the doorway. “C'mon, let’s get out of here before they see something they can never unsee.”

“Or hear,” Raja teased with a wink as she haphazardly began shoving her make up back into her bag, “From what I remember…you get quite loud.”

Alaska let out a mock offended gasp and playfully slapped Raja’s arm as she reminded her, “Well, from what I recall; you were the one who wanted me to be that loud.”

Raja spun away from the counter with a mischievous grin and pulled Alaska closer by the front of her shirt. Slipping an arm around her waist, she brushed her lips over Alaska’s and whispered sweetly, “Maybe I just like hearing your voice.”

With a tint of pink in her cheeks, Alaska rolled her eyes again and shot back, “Then buy my albums.”

“Already have…got nothing on the real thing though…”

Their lips met again for a mere second before Raja pulled away to continue clearing off her workspace. “God, you’re so fucking sappy,” Alaska grumbled, not even trying to hide her beaming face.

“Get used to it, sweetie,” Raja promised as she zipped her bag closed and hauled it off the countertop.

Grabbing the remaining wardrobe bag sitting on the floor, Alaska asked, “Did you get a hotel room?”

Shaking her head, Raja replied, “No, plan was to head right to the airport and wait for my flight.”

“Want to come back to mine? It’s walking distance…” Alaska offered with hopeful gaze.

With a smirk, Raja reached over to intertwine her fingers with Alaska’s and whispered in her ear, “Lead the way, then.”

The pair walked out of the club hand in hand and eventually found their way back to the hotel after deciding to rely on Google Maps for directions rather than Alaska’s foggy memory. Once inside the room, the two collapsed on top of the covers and spent their remaining hours just talking about anything that came to mind. If either one cared to admit, there were far more stolen kisses than conversations that night but it was a starting point. Close to the time when Raja would have to leave to make her flight, a text from Willam came through asking how things had gone, specifically; 'You two fuck yet?’

With a smirk and an eye roll, Raja pulled the phone from Alaska’s hand and told the younger queen, “Roll up your pant legs.”

Curious, she asked why but Raja only gave her a vague reply of, “You’ll see.” Giving an exaggerated sigh, she did as instructed and waited as Raja did the same with her own outfit. As soon as enough skin was showing, Raja entangled their legs together and pulled up the camera app for Alaska to see her plan in action. She positioned the phone until just their bare legs showed on the screen and snapped a quick picture with a triumphant smirk spread over her lips.

“God, you’re awful,” Alaska laughed out as Raja sent the slightly blurry photo to both Willam and herself.

“What?” she asked innocently, “I didn’t say 'yes’.”

Alaska arched a sarcastic eyebrow and replied, “Just implied it.”

Running her fingers over Alaska’s arm, she asked softly, “Mad?”

“No, but I am telling her you were the one who sent that.”

Raja’s easygoing smile returned as she shrugged nonchalantly and said, “That’s fair. She’ll probably figure it out herself anyway…alright, so next question…”

********************************************

An hour later Alaska accompanied Raja to the airport, staying with her as far as security measures would allow anyone not currently holding a ticket. Pausing just before the queue to pass through the metal detectors, the two shared one more kiss and promised to call or text once their respective planes had landed. Remaining in same spot where they parted for nearly 20 minutes, Alaska watched until Raja was lost in the sea of people before heading back to the hotel to try and get some rest before her own flight. As tired as she was, sleep was elusive and she only managed to nap for an hour before giving up to pack the few belongings she had brought with her. The rest of her time was filled with mindless TV shows from anything that seemed remotely interesting on the hotel’s limited channel selection.

About halfway through her own navigation of the airport, a text from Raja came through letting her know she had arrived without issues and was on her way to the venue of the day. Smiling to herself, Alaska kept the conversation going until the boarding for her flight was announced on the PA system. Once in her seat, she barely made it through take off before she felt herself falling in and out of a semi-conscious stupor as her lack of a proper night’s sleep caught up with her. Even after dozing for two hours, she hardly felt anything like her normal self as the plane began its descent.

Keeping her promise, she called Raja almost immediately after the landing and chatted with her while she painted herself for the night’s show. Try as she might, Alaska couldn’t hide her yawning for very long and the other queen quickly caught on. “You need to go to bed, Justin,” she pressed for the third time.

“Can’t. Don’t think the driver would appreciate me sleeping in his car,” she replied with a drowsy smile as she watched her Uber driver try his best to keep a straight face as though he weren’t listening.

“Once you get home,” Raja said firmly.

“I will,” she promised as she stifled another yawn, “Just like talking to you…”

Alaska could practically hear the eye roll that went with the smile in Raja’s voice as she muttered, “And I’m the sappy one…”

“Heard that,” Alaska drew out lazily.

“Meant you to,” Raja shot back. “I mean it though; soon as you get home, get some sleep. I’ll hang up the phone myself if I have to.”

“Okay, okay,” she relented. “We’re pulling up in just a minute, I promise I’ll go to bed.”

“Good. Call you tomorrow morning?” she asked.

“You better,” Alaska mumbled sleepily, “I want a full review of your show…Make me feel like I’m right there with you.”

“I can do that…” Raja agreed softly, undoubtedly smiling as she added, “Miss you.”

With her own content smile, Alaska murmured into her phone, “Miss you too…night.”

“Night.”

Sluggishly, Alaska ended the call and shoved her phone back into her pocket just as the car pulled up to her house. Thanking the driver, she grabbed her bag and made her way up to the front door. She barely felt conscious as she tried 3 times to unlock her door before realizing she was using the wrong key.

The first thing she noticed once the door was open was that her house was not as empty as it should have been. Camped out in her living room, she found Willam comfortably lounging on the sofa eating popcorn straight from the bag as he worked on his laptop and left the TV playing softly in the background. Looking up from the screen, he greeted her casually, “Hey.”

“Hey, yourself,” she returned with an amused smirk. “How come you’re still here?”

“Watering your plants?”

Arching an eyebrow in disbelief, she stated, “I don’t have any plants…”

“Smoking some plants…?” he offered with a sheepish shrug.

“Now that I believe,” she laughed softly before a yawn cut her off. Walking off towards her bedroom, she called out, “’M heading to bed, keep the volume down, okay?”

“Not kicking me out?” he asked in confusion as he scrambled off the couch to follow her. Turning back around for a moment, she shook her head as she yawned into her hand and continued on down the hallway.

Still trailing close behind, Willam asked curiously, “How’d it go?”

A fond smile played across her lips as she dropped her bag just inside the doorway and gave a short recap of the previous night’s events. While telling the story, she changed into a pair of sweatpants and crawled beneath the covers of her welcoming bed. Nestling in among the pillows, she found Willam carefully sitting himself on the edge in order to better hear as her voice dropped lower and lower. Moving over to allow him space to lie down, she informed him, “Remote’s on the nightstand…”

He turned on the TV as he laid down on top of the sheets beside her but almost immediately he pressed 'mute’ as she ended her story. “So we’re taking things slow for now…” she mumbled sleepily into his side as her arm wrapped around his waist and yawned out, “Sutan sent that picture by the way.”

“Figured,” he replied with a light chuckle, stroking his fingertips across her shoulder in an absent manner. He paused for a moment, looking down at the bedspread as he asked quietly, “Did you two…?”

Shaking her head slightly as sleep finally won her over, she whispered, “Mn-mm, not yet…G'night….and thanks.”

“No problem…” he replied distantly, “…Night.”

**************************************************************************************************

After nearly six weeks of nothing but digital communication, Alaska was more than excited that Raja was finally coming back to LA today. Throughout their separation from one another, they had made sure to check in at least once a day, often times allowing their conversations to span several hours either by text, calling, or FaceTime. Each conversation had left Alaska feeling closer and closer to Raja despite the actual distance between them. Alaska felt particularly grateful that they were in separate states as it allowed her and Raja a chance to ask each other the most pressing questions they had without the temptation of pushing the thoughts aside in favor of physical contact. One of the first topics they discussed was when to call each other by their actual names and when to use their drag names. It was going to take some getting used to, both agreed, but each would do their best to be patient and understanding during the adjustment.

Other topics discussed were fairly normal things; personal pet peeves, likes and dislikes, known schedules for out of town events…Each of them were booked and gigged in various countries but they managed to plan a few dates in the upcoming weeks, the first of which would be today after Alaska had picked up Raja from the airport. Her flight was due to arrive in the late afternoon leaving Alaska to feel decidedly giddy for most of the day as she rushed through her errands to ensure she’d arrive well before Raja’s plane touched down.

Aside from the fact that tonight would be their official 'first date’, Alaska had another reason to feel nervous; she was also going to broach the one subject they both had been avoiding for the past few weeks. She knew they would have to talk about it sooner or later but part of her felt that perhaps it might still be too soon for her to bring it up. The last thing she wanted to do was push Raja too quickly or lead her to think that she was only interested in sex…

The pros and cons weighed in her mind as she waited in the arrival lounge for Raja’s plane to deboard. She was almost bouncing in her seat by the time she saw Raja strolling behind a large crowd carefully searching the area for her. The instant their eyes connected, Raja’s face lit up and Alaska pushed her worries aside to greet her partner. She jumped from her seat and ran over to Raja with an uncontrollable grin as she wrapped her arms around her tightly. Mirroring her smile, Raja returned the gesture for a few seconds before Alaska broke away to relieve her of one of her bags. Raja thanked her with a small kiss and laced their fingers together as they left the terminal for Alaska’s car.

The entire ride back to Raja’s home was filled with light chatter and stolen kisses at nearly every red light. It was only when they had pulled into the driveway and began walking towards the house that Alaska felt her nerves acting up again. She fell mostly silent by the time they reached the front door, supplying vague comments where appropriate as she tried to figure out when the best time would be to bring up such a sensitive subject.

“You can just drop the bag anywhere,” Raja told her brightly as she pushed the door open and propped her bag along the wall of the entryway. Alaska gingerly placed the bag she had been carrying beside the other one and nervously followed after Raja as she made her way to the kitchen.

Opening the fridge, she asked Alaska, “Want something to drink? I’ve got soda, water, wine, or…well, damn…that’s pretty much all I’ve got in here.”

Chuckling, Alaska accepted a can of Pepsi as Raja scratched the back of her head sheepishly and explained, “Sorry, kinda forgot I emptied out the fridge right before I left…”

The familiarity of that situation made Alaska’s eyes crinkle in amusement as she assured Raja that it was fine. She was quite used to coming back after long tours to find her own fridge lacking in anything that spoiled after a few days.

Leaning against the granite counter top behind her, she toyed with the loose tab as Raja went on to describe their dinner plans for the night. “I was thinking we could go to that new bistro that opened across town…shouldn’t be too busy; their opening was like three months ago now. Or did you have somewhere else in mind?”

“No, that sounds good,” Alaska said distractedly, flicking her eyes in Raja’s direction before swiftly dropping down to her hands as she developed a deep interest in the can she was holding.

“Hey, is everything okay?” Raja asked worriedly, taking a step closer and running her fingers over Alaska’s upper arm.

“Yeah!” she blurted out as her head shot up and a light pink bloomed across her cheeks. She hadn’t realized her anxiety was that obvious but then again, Raja always seemed to have a talent for noticing when she had something on her mind.

Unconvinced, Raja’s brow furrowed as she brushed away a few locks of hair from Alaska’s eyes and asked again, “You sure? You seem a little out of it…”

“Positive,” Alaska reaffirmed with a skittish smile. “Just…maybe we could…wait like an hour or two before going out?”

“Of course,” Raja reassured her, “Not hungry yet?”

Breaking what little eye contact there was, Alaska drew her finger around the top of the can and mumbled vaguely, “That’s not…quite it.”

Giving a noise of questioning, Raja tilted her chin up and tried to draw Alaska’s gaze back to her. “Justin?” she inquired softly, “What’s up? Was there something else you wanted to do tonight?…Or talk about?”

Feeling her cheeks turn just a shade darker, Alaska set the Pepsi down on the counter and glanced up towards Raja’s concerned stare. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she pressed her body into the older queen’s and guided one of Raja’s hands down to rest over her hip. Hovering just a few inches away from Raja’s lips, she whispered tentatively, “I was thinking…if you want to tonight…I’m ready…”

Raja’s eyebrow knit in confusion as she began to ask, “Ready for wha-oh…”

The look of realization that passed over her face was almost comical as she spluttered, “You mean like 'ready’ ready…right now?” and blushed as Alaska nodded bashfully and bit her bottom lip. Raja’s eyes seemed to bore deep into her soul as she stared down at the younger queen in a contemplative silence. Almost immediately, Alaska’s anxiety kicked in at full force and she drew back, hurriedly following up her previous statement with, “No pressure, really! We can wait until-”

She was cut off as Raja cupped her cheek delicately and placed her thumb over her lips to silence her outburst. Leaning in with hooded eyes, Raja lingered just close enough for Alaska to feel the warmth of her breath as she asked huskily, “Do you want to?”

Alaska nodded slowly, speaking softly against the thumb running lazily across her bottom lip, “Only if you do…”

Tightening her grip on Alaska’s hip, she breathed out, “How can I say 'no’ to you?” and pushed their bodies together until Alaska was trapped between her and the counter top. Leisurely, Raja’s hand left her face to slide down her neck and tangle itself loosely in the hair at base of her head.

Alaska’s eyes dropped to Raja’s lips as she tried to bridge the small gap that remained between them. As soon as they touched, Raja pulled back just a few millimeters out of her reach. Annoyed, Alaska leant in again and received the same result. “Sutan,” she whined quietly.

Smirking just slightly, Raja closed the distance herself and allowed Alaska to take control for the time being. Their bodies seemed to melt into one another so completely it was hard to tell where one queen ended and the other began. Alaska’s hands slipped down Raja’s chest and tugged at the hem of her shirt. Breaking the kiss for a moment, Alaska paused to ask, “Can I?”

Raja gave her a short nod and assisted in pulling the shirt past her arms and over her head. Once free, she tossed it casually to the side and turned back around to be met by Alaska’s eager lips again. Their second kiss was far more passionate than the hesitant, testing-the-waters lip lock they had shared only a moment ago but it barely lasted more than a few seconds before Alaska was kissing her way down the other queen’s neck and chest as she slowly dropped to her knees. Before she had even made to Raja’s midsection, the hand in her hair tightened and stopped her from going any lower. She looked up at Raja with apprehension, worried that she might have moved too fast after all but to her relief the older queen only whispered “Bedroom,” before firmly reconnecting their lips and pulling her away from the counter.

Despite either’s better judgement, they remained securely attached to one another as Raja clumsily led them backwards towards the master bedroom. Alaska could hear miscellaneous objects being kicked or knocked around by Raja’s unsure movements but her enthusiasm was never dampened as she led them almost blindly towards her bed. Thinking they must be close by now, Alaska opened her eyes for a quick peek just in time to see Raja collide with the mattress and fall backwards onto the sheets in an awkward mess. The look of shock on her face was too much and Alaska couldn’t help but to snicker at her expression.

Recovering from the unexpected surprise, Raja chuckled as she pulled Alaska closer by her shirt until she was almost sitting in her lap and joked, “Shut up. We’ll see how graceful you are when we try this at your place!”

Pressing a quick kiss to the older queen’s lips, she teased, “Is that a challenge?”

Smirking, Raja replied smoothly, “Might be,” and gently pushed Alaska away from her so she could work on removing her pants.

Her remaining clothing was stripped off and kicked aside in a matter of seconds but to her displeasure Alaska had only managed to remove her own shirt in that same amount of time. She was fiddling with her belt when Raja pulled her entirely into her lap and took over the task herself. “You were taking too long,” she taunted as she skillfully unbuckled the belt and set her hands to work on the button and zipper. Once free, Raja flipped their positions and left Alaska laying on her back with a flushed face as she tore away the jeans and underwear.

As soon the final article of clothing was thrown to the floor, she paused her actions in order to rake her eyes over the smaller queen beneath her. For a moment Alaska laid disturbingly still as she tried to catch her breath, but as Raja’s gaze traveled lower and lower, she found herself squirming in embarrassment. Raja was so gentle as she traced her fingers over Alaska’s body; every light stroke resulted in a shiver as the cool air replaced the heat emanating from Raja’s presence. Alaska tried to will her body to relax into the touch but every imperfection she felt she had seemed amplified as she compared herself to the tan and toned body above her. The clenching in her stomach worsened as she felt the angel-soft caress slip over her thighs. Out of habit, she found herself crossing her ankles tightly as soon as Raja’s hand had dipped below her knees.

Almost immediately, Raja’s head shot back up in concern but Alaska pointedly avoided her look. Her cheeks were burning as she felt Raja turning her face back to hers. “Hey, you’re beautiful,” she told her with a sincere smile. Running her fingers across Alaska’s calf, she added softly, “All of you…”

It didn’t feel possible that her face could get any hotter, but as usual Raja proved her wrong. To distract herself from completely losing it over the tender words, she pulled Raja in for another kiss. Her arms slipped around the older queen’s shoulders as she felt a soothing hand running over her waist. For several moments they stayed like that; letting their kiss convey everything they couldn’t find the proper words to say. When Alaska felt calm enough, she pulled away to ask, “Can we keep going?”

“Anything you want,” Raja murmured as she nuzzled into the crook of her neck. She busied herself with leaving fresh love bites to replace the ones that had faded in their time apart. This time she made sure place them lower so as to be easily hidden but nothing was going to stop her from focusing heavily on Alaska’s known weak spot. She had purposefully avoided the area until she felt the other queen relax but try as she might, she couldn’t stop her lips from curling in satisfaction as Alaska moaned her name once the slightest amount of pressure was applied to the pulse point.

In under a minute, she had Alaska reduced to the writhing mess she loved and Raja felt her hands frantically clutching at her hair, urging her to do more. Without batting an eye, Raja continued to leave her mark on Alaska’s skin, grazing her fingertips over Alaska’s V-line but always deterring before reaching too far south. Fed up with Raja’s teasing, Alaska tried twice to flip their positions, but Raja easily held own against the weak attempts. She hardly spared them any attention to Alaska’s ever growing frustration. “C-Come on,” she whined quietly. “That’s not fair.”

“Shh,” the older queen hushed her. “It’s our first time together…Want to take it nice and slow.”

“Want you to go faster,” Alaska argued impatiently.

“Want you wearing a gag right now,” she shot back as she rolled her eyes at the other queen’s restlessness. She almost missed the slight hitch in Alaska’s breath but the way she suddenly froze up was much harder to ignore.

Moving back to watch her reaction, she teased the younger queen, “Oh, would you like that too?”

Alaska hesitated for a moment as the color rose to her face again but just noticeably she gave a small nod. Smirking, Raja hovered over her and promised between soft pecks, “Well, that’s something we can explore later…but for now, I’m taking my time with you…so stop pouting; you’ll get wrinkles.”

Alaska let out an offended gasp and tried one final time to gain the upper hand. Effortlessly, Raja held her in place and watched Alaska’s struggle in blatant amusement. After a few moments, Alaska gave up with huff and muttered through gritted teeth, “Not…fucking…fair.”

Smiling sweetly, Raja informed her, “Get used to it,” and pressed her lips over Alaska’s. The brief kiss mollified her for the time being but she was still unhappy at being so easily subdued. For the next 5 minutes, Raja proceeded to kiss her way over nearly every inch of Alaska’s neck, chest and stomach, purposefully avoiding the area she knew Alaska was desperate to feel her mouth on. Alaska was sure this was Raja’s idea of punishment but part of her was confident Raja would have done this anyway.

The subtle torture finally came to end as Raja worked her way back up to Alaska’s lips and instructed her to turn over. All too eager, she complied to the demand, propping a pillow beneath her hips as Raja slipped away to retrieve the lube and condoms from inside her nightstand. Even knowing what to expect, Raja felt unprepared for the sight that laid in front of her as she turned around. Alaska had purposefully repositioned herself so as to be fully displayed for the older queen once her attention was back on her. Glancing over her shoulder with a knowing smirk, she gave a showy shake of her hips, welcoming Raja to continue.

Somewhat goaded by Alaska’s cockiness, Raja abandoned her initial plan of laying immediate claim to Alaska’s body in favor of teasing her just a little bit more. Settling on the bed behind her, Raja ran a lone finger down Alaska’s spine before slowly spreading her cheeks apart while she kissed a light trail towards the tight ring of muscle. As hard as she tried to suppress it, Alaska shuddered at the contact and shook her hips again as she urged Raja on, “Sutan, do something already…”

Rolling her eyes, Raja gave her a gentle reminder of “Patience,” proceeded to lick light circles around Alaska’s hole as she popped open the bottle of lube with her free hand. Sweat was already forming on Alaska’s forehead in anticipation of what was to come but her hands gripped the sheets in frustration at continually being denied what she wanted. Finally after what felt like hours, she felt a well lubed finger pressing on her entrance.

“Still doing alright?” Raja asked softly as she pushed the first digit in.

“Yes,” she groaned, impatience getting the best of her. “I’d be doing better if you’d hurry the fuck up.”

“So feisty tonight,” Raja commented as she slipped in a second finger in at a painfully slow pace. “Maybe we should reconsider that ball gag since you want to keep running that mouth of yours.”

Gasping at the slow scissoring motion inside of her, Alaska shot back, “Thought you…liked hearing my voice.”

“I’d like it even better if it were moaning my name,” Raja replied in amusement as she drank up the younger queen’s desperation.

Turning her head around as much as possible behind her, Alaska challenged, “Then give me something to moan about.”

Raja’s trademark smirk returned in full force as she slid in a third finger watching Alaska’s toes curl and the fight drain from her eyes as she slowly built up a suitable pace. “How’s that?” she mocked.

“Not enough,” Alaska muttered as she dropped her head into her arms unwilling to let Raja see her fall apart so easily even as she rocked her hips back against the fingers.

“Soon,” Raja assured her, kissing her way up Alaska’s back until she just close enough to nip at the shell of her ear. “Don’t want to hurt you by going too fast…”

Letting out a sigh of defeat, Alaska resigned herself to having to wait just a little bit longer. “I promise it’ll be worth it, sweetie,” Raja murmured into her ear.

Alaska felt her cheeks heating up again at the pet name and sharply turned her head towards Raja for a weak glare. “You love it,” Raja insisted, trying but not very hard to keep her lips from forming into yet another smirk.

Refraining from making a smart ass comment that would almost certainly backfire on her, Alaska focused instead on the almost-but-not-quite-enough drag of Raja’s fingers as they ghosted close to her prostate. It felt like she was going to rip the sheets with the death grip she held on them as she endured the delicious torment Raja inflicted upon her. Precum was beginning to drip onto the pillow below her when Raja finally removed her fingers and rolled the condom down her length. Lining up her hips with Alaska’s, she asked, “Ready?”

Hesitating for a second, Alaska replied, “Um…h-hold on…”

“Justin?” Raja asked in concern as she pulled away to give the younger queen some breathing room. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Alaska mumbled in embarrassment as she awkwardly turned herself over. Feeling the pink settling on her cheeks again, she admitted, “I just…kinda wanted to see you.”

Raja let out a sigh of relief and pressed a languid kiss to Alaska’s lips. “That’s all you had to say…” she whispered. “Don’t be afraid to tell me what you want.”

Alaska nodded and returned the kiss as Raja re-arranged herself for the new position. Placing herself outside Alaska’s entrance once more, she asked again if it was alright to begin pushing in. Upon receiving confirmation, she slowly entered Alaska, pausing every so often when she felt her body tense too much. Once fully inside she stopped all movement to study the younger queen. She hadn’t even begun moving yet but already Alaska looked wrecked; her eyes were glazing over, hair was sticking to her forehead, her lips were parted just slightly as she tried to hide her panting. In short, she was absolutely beautiful in Raja’s eyes.

Allowing time for Alaska to get used to the new feeling, Raja dusted her face and neck with a multitude of kisses, feeling her body relax more and more with each caress. Once the tension had disappeared and Alaska’s breathing was under control, she got to work setting a careful, rhythmic pace. Alaska’s hands found their way to her face and pulled her in for a sloppy but fiery kiss to match the slowly increasing thrusts. Their hips continually met each other in an ever shortening time span until one particular thrust caused a falter in Alaska’s movements and her breath caught in her throat.

Taking the cue, Raja focused her attention on hitting that same angle with every thrust, quickly reducing Alaska to a whimpering, gasping mess. A casual string of swearing slipped from Alaska’s lips, peppered every so often with pleading calls of “Sutan.” She felt her body going limp as she inched closer and closer to the edge with each brush against her prostate. Raja’s nails dug into her hips creating an addicting contrast from the fire than felt like it was slowly consuming her from the inside out. She knew she wasn’t going to last much longer. She only hoped Raja was as close as she was when gasped out a broken warning. Immediately following it, she heard a forceful command in her ear for her to touch herself and found herself obeying without another thought.

The friction quickly became too much and she found herself swearing a blue streak wrapped around Sutan’s name as she came over her hand and stomach. Raja’s own climax followed shortly after, burying herself next to Alaska’s ear as she called out her name. If Alaska hadn’t already finished, hearing Raja’s voice would have certainly done the job for her. As she came down from cloud nine, she found Raja murmuring sweet compliments against the shell of her ear as she carefully withdrew from inside her and removed the condom. Closing her eyes for a moment to take in everything that had happened, she felt Raja’s weight settled down beside her and instinctively she curled towards the warm body waiting for her with open arms. Her eyes fluttered open as Raja pushed away her sweated-slicked hair and pressed a light kiss to her forehead.

“Been waiting for this for so long,” Raja confessed as she brushed her lips against Alaska’s.

“Yeah?” Alaska murmured, lips curling in pleasure. “How long? Since that first show?”

Raja shook her head as her voice dropped to a guilty whisper, “Since you and…you know…the breakup.”

Alaska felt her eyes widen in surprised as she tilted her head and asked, “Why didn’t you say something back then?”

“You were still so new, so shy…just getting used to the sudden stardom…And you weren’t exactly in the best place at that time…” she reminded the younger queen gently.

It pained her to have to agree but Raja was right. Jumping into another relationship so quickly after her breakup would have probably ended in disaster. She did need that time to recover and find stability on her own. “Still,” she admitted, “I kinda wish I had known sooner…”

Chuckling lightly, Raja continued on, “Honestly, I thought I was being so obvious about it; always eager to hang out with you, always showing up to your gigs…and you know, always flirting with you on stage…”

“I thought that was just part of the act or you know…alcohol.”

“Well,” Raja relented, “The drinks did give me a bit of the liquid courage I needed to make a move, cause you sure weren’t.”

“No,” Alaska agreed with a laugh, tracing her fingers absently over Raja’s tattoos. “I’m glad you did though…What made you finally do it, besides the wine I mean? What convinced you?”

Smiling down at the smaller queen, she said simply, “Cause you said, 'yes’. When I called you that night looking for a last minute fill-in, you didn’t even think about it…You didn’t check your schedule, you just agreed without a second thought…Even when I’ve asked Manila and Rav for the same favor before, they still looked at their calendars first but you…you were ready to drop everything just to help me so I thought maybe…there was something more there…and maybe it’d be worth it to finally take a shot and make a move.”

Alaska felt herself flushing as Raja went on to admit sheepishly, “God, I was so nervous that I was misreading everything…it felt so reckless and stupid cause I was just basing everything off of one wild thought-”

“Hey,” Alaska interrupted softly, “No more reckless and stupid than flying across the country.”

“I’m so glad you did though,” Raja told her adamantly, “I was fucking miserable I left it like that…I wanted to call you back after you left that message but I panicked. As much as I hate to say it, thank fucking God for Willam…I got so worried when he said you weren’t answering your phone.”

Nodding her head, Alaska agreed with the statement and apologized for causing her additional stress. “I’m really glad this all happened though,” she confessed. “I really like you.”

“I really like you too.”

Neither wanted to call it 'love’ yet; that would make it too real, too fast but for now 'like’ was enough for them.

They shared another kiss, running their hands over each other skin as they pointedly ignored the mess that was still painted over their bodies. Alaska quietly moaned Raja’s name into her mouth as she felt her fingertips lightly brushing against the nail marks left over her hip. Pulling away, Raja asked softly, “Can you say it again?”

“What?”

“You know what…” she trailed off with a smile.

Chuckling, Alaska took the hint and whispered close to her lips, “Sutan?”

Her eyes crinkled at the edges as she closed the distance and replied, “I love it when you say my name.”

[krystalclearfashion]

Walk Away I Suffer From That Disorder Where I Speak The Truth T Shirt

I want to give a Walk Away I Suffer From That Disorder Where I Speak The Truth T Shirt shout out to the honest company back in february I ordered their prenatal vitamins I didn’t receive them and eventually looked through my emails they had been sent to my old house address assuming I forgot to update my address on file I figured it was my loss after awhile I recalled having a delivery to my current address here it is nearly may and I finally called the honest company it turns out that I had added my current address but somehow it was not set as default customer service made the address change for me and is sending me the prenatals I ordered back in february anytime I have called for help with an order the honest company has gone above and beyond to help me and btw the organic breathe easy rub has been a miracle for my baby’s chest congestion. Want to join opening night of springsteen on broadway this week bid on front row center orchestra seats plus invitation to the after party in support of the kristen ann carr fund here ️ the auction closes tomorrow afternoon. Why is victoria’s secret paying for tests on animals again animals used for testing live in small or overcrowded cages with little to do but wait and wait in panic and constant fear of hearing the cage door open because when it does they are forced to ingest or inhale cosmetics ingredients or substances are rubbed onto a raw patch of skin on their back or dripped into their sensitive eyes then they are made to suffer without painkillers for up to two weeks while these cruel tests are conducted and they are eventually killed please stop contributing to animal cruelty thank you

Source: Walk Away I Suffer From That Disorder Where I Speak The Truth T Shirt

Walk Away I Suffer From That Disorder Where I Speak The Truth T Shirt, Hoodie, Sweater, Longsleeve T-Shirt For Men and Women

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So this is going to be a bit long but bear with me I had what I believe to be a pointless and incredibly frustrating experience with the assistant manager jamie at your auburn hills great lakes crossing location today I have been coming here for three years I frequent your orlando san marcos and new jersey locations as well at least once a year when we stop we usually spend 5 to 10 thousand dollars on your products the system is simple I go in park in a corner and bring bins to my corner sort them bag them move them to the front register and repeat today I brought a personal duffel bag as it holds about 8 to 12 of your bags worth of stuff I get told that i’m not allowed to use it because it’s policy not a big deal at all I say okay i’ll do that for the rest rather than rebag all of this i’ll just go up in line and pay for it and it can sit behind the counter seems pretty reasonable to me nope I got obstructed suggested that I might be stealing something and not allowed to pass stating if I don’t want to follow the system I can leave he then takes my entire duffel dumps it onto the floor and then rebags it into victoria secret bags then moves it to the front counter so it can be rang in I thought this was a little odd but hey he was doing all the work rebagging it so whatever i’m like dude i’m going to be spending about 8k today all I want to do is come in spend some money get out without any drama what’s the problem whoevers in charge should be thrilled with a sale like this we’re spending 8k keep in mind that I told him that I would do what he wanted and it wasnt’ a big deal and the response was to the effect of stop being lippy and just listen I told him what do you want from me I just agreed with you and said I would use your bags i’m not being lippy at all I know this because I said okay dude not a problem i’ll use your bags his response was maybe if you get to buy it i’m like what are you suggesting that an 8 000 order is something you guys don’t want he’s like yeah if you buy it i’m like dude we are spending 8k today why would I bag up a bunch of stuff and spend 2 3 hours picking our your fabulous product to not buy it anyway so I had 4 credit cards one card had 2 000 one had 3500 one had 2000 and one had 1000 because I am buying for multiple people I had 4 different cards all in my name I wanted one receipt for each card not a big deal to me right wrong again he cited some policy and said if the order is more than 750 items that they aren’t allowed to ring in under 750 items on any one receipt id like to point out that that amount is higher than your employees said they could take as a cash payment I asked him to please show me that I would understand better if I could just read it he was willing to do so he brought out the policy book and to my surprise what it actually said was words to the afffect of cash payments cannot be split up or over 750 items I forget the second half my immediate reply was so what’s the big deal im using credit not cash he snatched the policy book away from me at that point and said you know what you can just listen to me or I don’t have to let you buy anything it’s up to my discretion I then called your orlando outlet and your new jersey outlet and talked to the store managers and cited your policy I was given I asked them to confirm if that was accurate and both said if it was a policy it was news to them I then asked if they would let me buy my order using 4 cards and 4 receipts the woman at orlando said oh my gosh yes we do that every single day I asked if I went to her store if I would have any trouble with this in the future and was told no then she said you can always come down here if you’re in the area and i’ll be happy to take your order after that phone call I tried again here’s the video of that attempt I said listen I have 4 credit cards your register girl said you told her she can’t ring up an order under 750 items that’s 3500 if it’s 5 items not all of my cards have that much I have done multiple receipts every time I came here heck I can even supply them to show it he tells me that because I am order so many items that I can’t have less tan 750 items per receipt so I point around to everyone else and ask what about everyone else you aren’t forcing them to spend a minimum of 750 items what about the final charge i’ll have 750 items for two tickets but the leftover isn’t going to be 750 items you’re not going to let me buy them he shrugged his shoulders to say no at this point I haven’t yelled ive been a bit snarky and sarcastic because I know he’s just giving me a hard time two people ring in our order almost every time I am up there and we were there 3 times in the last 6 months spent a bunch each time so at 730 8pm or so we are done shopping assuming that two people could ring us up ended up being a fantasy he forced one employee only to ring us up later on he comes up when its now close to 9pm and says hey you mind if we ring you up on both registers I chuckle and say no I don’t but you do you don’t want to be breaking that 750 rule do you he glared at me and then sent the employee away and walked off after blinking a few times I laugh because after telling me over and over he couldn’t do it he just got caught trying to do what should have been done to begin with a short while later after 9 I find out that everyone is standing uip front except for the one girl and another associate because none of the rest of them are allowed to help her ring us up the only two people left in the store with about 700 more items to be rang in if that’s not enough since it was a holidy all of these employees are apparently being paid overtime to stand around and wait at a bit after 10 all but two girls leave and one girl is waiting to count cash while the other girl sits and keeps ringing stuff in we apologize profusely we expected two employees to ring us up like always and timed our visit to be out around 9 if this had happened instead of having one literally stand there and watch her for 1 hour and 47 minutes after close we would have all been out on time and no overtime or extra hours spent so finally at 10 47 pm our orders are done we thank the lovely girl lauren and jasmine who got stuck staying 2 hours past close because a manager made up some random policy and had to double down when I pointed out he really needed to follow that 750 rule when he was going to toss another girl on the register if this is policy fine it doesn’t seem to be no manager at your other outlets knew what he was talking about the orlando one insisted that the only restrictions are on cash payments and verified I was paying cash or credit it’s a pretty humiliating experience to get hassled trying to buy panties and bras by someone who’s on some type of power trip the only thing I said sideways to him was that I flat out didn’t believe his policy and that credit absolutely is not the same as cash I didnt call him any names scream at him or did anything to disrupt the store beyond what you see in the videos if this is not policy i’d like an apology from that manager in person or over the phone admitting he was mistaken I would hope that the next time I go there I am not hassled but if not I guess there’s always orlando or new jersey who seem to be quite friendly I also want to give recognition to jasmine and lauren lauren is the poor soul who got stuck ringing everything in alone because of the manager’s silly rule and not allowing anyone to help because it would be in violation of the 750 item rule jasmine was the cash counter who had to wait until we were out of the store to count cash even more interesting is that I had a former employee with me helping me buy and she said she never heard of this policy either but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t added since she left she was just as confused because the manager spent over 30 minutes trying to explain and defend this when that time certainly would have been more efficiently spent doing productive things instead of hassling someone who literally sits in a corner and speaks to no one while sorting through your products one bin at a time id love a call back about this or to find out what exactly is going on ive never been hassled like this before and it was a little frustrating and very trying to keep my cool joe rossetti alexandria gunn See Other related products: Walk Away I Suffer From That Disorder Where I Speak The Truth T Shirt

[usashirtstoday]

I Go Camping To Burn Off The Crazy Campfire T Shirt

I want to give a I Go Camping To Burn Off The Crazy Campfire T Shirt shout out to the honest company back in february I ordered their prenatal vitamins I didn’t receive them and eventually looked through my emails they had been sent to my old house address assuming I forgot to update my address on file I figured it was my loss after awhile I recalled having a delivery to my current address here it is nearly may and I finally called the honest company it turns out that I had added my current address but somehow it was not set as default customer service made the address change for me and is sending me the prenatals I ordered back in february anytime I have called for help with an order the honest company has gone above and beyond to help me and btw the organic breathe easy rub has been a miracle for my baby’s chest congestion. Want to join opening night of springsteen on broadway this week bid on front row center orchestra seats plus invitation to the after party in support of the kristen ann carr fund here ️ the auction closes tomorrow afternoon. Why is victoria’s secret paying for tests on animals again animals used for testing live in small or overcrowded cages with little to do but wait and wait in panic and constant fear of hearing the cage door open because when it does they are forced to ingest or inhale cosmetics ingredients or substances are rubbed onto a raw patch of skin on their back or dripped into their sensitive eyes then they are made to suffer without painkillers for up to two weeks while these cruel tests are conducted and they are eventually killed please stop contributing to animal cruelty thank you

Source: I Go Camping To Burn Off The Crazy Campfire T Shirt

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Face narsskin luminous moisture cream stick concealer soft velvet loose powder eyes black valley eye paint black moon eyeliner pencil via veneto larger than li a I Go Camping To Burn Off The Crazy Campfire T Shirt eyeliner pandora duo eyeshadow iskandar eye paint brows oural brow gel brow perfector lips red lip mysterious red velvet matte lip pencil nihiwatu velvet lip liner nude lip stick concealer narsskin restorative night treatment. Glasgow king tuts show on tues will be supported by midnight lion miaoux miaoux tickets have gone very quickly if you would still like to come along then get a ticket before the night. So this is going to be a bit long but bear with me I had what I believe to be a pointless and incredibly frustrating experience with the assistant manager jamie at your auburn hills great lakes crossing location today I have been coming here for three years I frequent your orlando san marcos and new jersey locations as well at least once a year when we stop we usually spend 5 to 10 thousand dollars on your products the system is simple I go in park in a corner and bring bins to my corner sort them bag them move them to the front register and repeat today I brought a personal duffel bag as it holds about 8 to 12 of your bags worth of stuff I get told that i’m not allowed to use it because it’s policy not a big deal at all I say okay i’ll do that for the rest rather than rebag all of this i’ll just go up in line and pay for it and it can sit behind the counter seems pretty reasonable to me nope I got obstructed suggested that I might be stealing something and not allowed to pass stating if I don’t want to follow the system I can leave he then takes my entire duffel dumps it onto the floor and then rebags it into victoria secret bags then moves it to the front counter so it can be rang in I thought this was a little odd but hey he was doing all the work rebagging it so whatever i’m like dude i’m going to be spending about 8k today all I want to do is come in spend some money get out without any drama what’s the problem whoevers in charge should be thrilled with a sale like this we’re spending 8k keep in mind that I told him that I would do what he wanted and it wasnt’ a big deal and the response was to the effect of stop being lippy and just listen I told him what do you want from me I just agreed with you and said I would use your bags i’m not being lippy at all I know this because I said okay dude not a problem i’ll use your bags his response was maybe if you get to buy it i’m like what are you suggesting that an 8 000 order is something you guys don’t want he’s like yeah if you buy it i’m like dude we are spending 8k today why would I bag up a bunch of stuff and spend 2 3 hours picking our your fabulous product to not buy it anyway so I had 4 credit cards one card had 2 000 one had 3500 one had 2000 and one had 1000 because I am buying for multiple people I had 4 different cards all in my name I wanted one receipt for each card not a big deal to me right wrong again he cited some policy and said if the order is more than 750 items that they aren’t allowed to ring in under 750 items on any one receipt id like to point out that that amount is higher than your employees said they could take as a cash payment I asked him to please show me that I would understand better if I could just read it he was willing to do so he brought out the policy book and to my surprise what it actually said was words to the afffect of cash payments cannot be split up or over 750 items I forget the second half my immediate reply was so what’s the big deal im using credit not cash he snatched the policy book away from me at that point and said you know what you can just listen to me or I don’t have to let you buy anything it’s up to my discretion I then called your orlando outlet and your new jersey outlet and talked to the store managers and cited your policy I was given I asked them to confirm if that was accurate and both said if it was a policy it was news to them I then asked if they would let me buy my order using 4 cards and 4 receipts the woman at orlando said oh my gosh yes we do that every single day I asked if I went to her store if I would have any trouble with this in the future and was told no then she said you can always come down here if you’re in the area and i’ll be happy to take your order after that phone call I tried again here’s the video of that attempt I said listen I have 4 credit cards your register girl said you told her she can’t ring up an order under 750 items that’s 3500 if it’s 5 items not all of my cards have that much I have done multiple receipts every time I came here heck I can even supply them to show it he tells me that because I am order so many items that I can’t have less tan 750 items per receipt so I point around to everyone else and ask what about everyone else you aren’t forcing them to spend a minimum of 750 items what about the final charge i’ll have 750 items for two tickets but the leftover isn’t going to be 750 items you’re not going to let me buy them he shrugged his shoulders to say no at this point I haven’t yelled ive been a bit snarky and sarcastic because I know he’s just giving me a hard time two people ring in our order almost every time I am up there and we were there 3 times in the last 6 months spent a bunch each time so at 730 8pm or so we are done shopping assuming that two people could ring us up ended up being a fantasy he forced one employee only to ring us up later on he comes up when its now close to 9pm and says hey you mind if we ring you up on both registers I chuckle and say no I don’t but you do you don’t want to be breaking that 750 rule do you he glared at me and then sent the employee away and walked off after blinking a few times I laugh because after telling me over and over he couldn’t do it he just got caught trying to do what should have been done to begin with a short while later after 9 I find out that everyone is standing uip front except for the one girl and another associate because none of the rest of them are allowed to help her ring us up the only two people left in the store with about 700 more items to be rang in if that’s not enough since it was a holidy all of these employees are apparently being paid overtime to stand around and wait at a bit after 10 all but two girls leave and one girl is waiting to count cash while the other girl sits and keeps ringing stuff in we apologize profusely we expected two employees to ring us up like always and timed our visit to be out around 9 if this had happened instead of having one literally stand there and watch her for 1 hour and 47 minutes after close we would have all been out on time and no overtime or extra hours spent so finally at 10 47 pm our orders are done we thank the lovely girl lauren and jasmine who got stuck staying 2 hours past close because a manager made up some random policy and had to double down when I pointed out he really needed to follow that 750 rule when he was going to toss another girl on the register if this is policy fine it doesn’t seem to be no manager at your other outlets knew what he was talking about the orlando one insisted that the only restrictions are on cash payments and verified I was paying cash or credit it’s a pretty humiliating experience to get hassled trying to buy panties and bras by someone who’s on some type of power trip the only thing I said sideways to him was that I flat out didn’t believe his policy and that credit absolutely is not the same as cash I didnt call him any names scream at him or did anything to disrupt the store beyond what you see in the videos if this is not policy i’d like an apology from that manager in person or over the phone admitting he was mistaken I would hope that the next time I go there I am not hassled but if not I guess there’s always orlando or new jersey who seem to be quite friendly I also want to give recognition to jasmine and lauren lauren is the poor soul who got stuck ringing everything in alone because of the manager’s silly rule and not allowing anyone to help because it would be in violation of the 750 item rule jasmine was the cash counter who had to wait until we were out of the store to count cash even more interesting is that I had a former employee with me helping me buy and she said she never heard of this policy either but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t added since she left she was just as confused because the manager spent over 30 minutes trying to explain and defend this when that time certainly would have been more efficiently spent doing productive things instead of hassling someone who literally sits in a corner and speaks to no one while sorting through your products one bin at a time id love a call back about this or to find out what exactly is going on ive never been hassled like this before and it was a little frustrating and very trying to keep my cool joe rossetti alexandria gunn See Other related products: I Go Camping To Burn Off The Crazy Campfire T Shirt

[fangirlextraordinaire]

Love is a Lie

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader

Warnings: ANGST

Word count: 2715 (with lyrics)

Summary: You may be young but you know your marriage to Sam is perfect.  Or is it?

A/N: This little piece of pain was written for Chloe’s 500 Followers Song Challenge over at @the-awkward-writer.  I decided to push myself and use two songs for this: “I’m Not the Only One” by Sam Smith and “When I Was Your Man” by Bruno Mars.  Image from Google-credit to its owner.  Enjoy!

Sam Winchester was the most loving man you’d ever met.  Your paths first crossed when you were 14 years old.  Your fathers were hunting buddies and your dad finally decided to let you & your mom join him on a hunt.  When you walked into Bobby’s living room and locked eyes with Sam, you were a goner.  The dopey-eyed look on his face said that you weren’t alone.  Unbeknownst to you both,  all the adults saw the heart eyes you were giving each other and smirked to themselves.

3 years later

As good as they were as hunters, your parents were no match for a 8-on-1 fight with a vampire nest.  Bobby’d made a promise to your parents to look after you if anything happened to you so you moved in with him and became the new resident researcher.  While it was a horrible thing to go through, there was a silver lining.  John needed to track down leads for the yellow-eyed demon so he decided it’d be best for the boys to stay with Bobby and enroll in the local school along with you.

It didn’t take long for you & Sam to stop dancing around each other and finally start dating.  You didn’t know it was possible to be this happy but here you were with your dream man.  As your senior year approached, the talk of college came about.  You were perfectly fine staying in state and going to SD State (where you’d already been given a full ride) but Sam had stars in his eyes over Stanford.  The thought of Sam being so far away gave you a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach but you’d never be the kind of person to hold their partner back. So you tried your best to be supportive when Sam told you he’d been accepted for next fall.

You guys made it through the year and before you knew, graduation day was here.  It was a surprise to no one that both you and Sam were in the Top 5 of your class.    Bobby whooped and hollered when you both walked across the stage and looked every bit like the uber-proud dad (which, let’s be honest, he completely is).  After the ceremony, Bobby took you, Sam, & Dean out for a celebratory dinner.  Sam was still sporting the same nervous look on his face that you chalked up to nerves about graduation.  That is, until dessert came.  Right there, in the middle of your slice of pie, was a beautiful rose gold ring with a small diamond on top.  You looked up to see Sam down on one knee.

“Y/N, every since we met 3 years ago, you’ve had a home in my heart.  I know physically we’ll be going in different directions for school but I don’t want to ever be without you emotionally.  Would you do me the absolute honor of becoming Mrs. Winchester?”

You were crying so hard that you couldn’t speak so you just nodded enthusiastically and hugged Sam tight, right there on the floor.  He stood and slid the ring on your finger.  You were eyeing it with wonder when Bobby, with tears in his eyes, informed you that the ring had been Karen’s and that you better take care of it.  You slid out of your chair and embraced the gruff hunter, whispering a heartfelt thank you to him.

You and Sam married in a small backyard ceremony with an old friend of Bobby’s officiating.  John had taken a small break from hunting when he heard the good news and came to wish you both luck with your new lives together.  Knowing that you only had a few months to spend together before going off to college, you decided to take a two-week honeymoon to the mountains where you spent plenty of time enjoying each other as husband and wife.

The summer came & went and before you knew it, August was here and you had your car packed on the way to South Dakota State.  All the men came with you to help move you in and put up a few wardings, just in case.  With 5 sets of hands, moving took no time at all.  Thankfully, your roommate wouldn’t be moving in until the next day so Sam could spend the night with you, giving you a proper goodbye.

The next morning came far too quickly and you & Sam were sharing a tearful goodbye near the Impala.  Sam decided to leave a few of his shirts with you for whenever you were missing him.  After many promises of calling of each other and declarations of love, you watched the car roll away until it was no longer visible.  Trudging back up to your room, you looked at your calendar and started to mark off the days until you could see Sam again.

Once the semester got in full swing, you and Sam set a schedule to call each other 3 times a week.  For a few months, things were perfect, even if you missed him like crazy.  Then, Sam started missing a call here and there.  He said that his courseload was bearing down on him and that he just needed to concentrate on studying.  You completely understood and didn’t put too much stock into it.  However, it went from one missed call to two missed calls until you found yourself not talking to Sam for a week and a half.  The pit in your stomach came back and you immediately thought the worst.

You and me, we made a vow For better or for worse I can't believe you let me down But the proof's in the way it hurts For months on end I've had my doubts Denying every tear I wish this would be over now But I know that I still need you here

Sunday afternoon rolled around and you finally got a call from Sam.  Relief and anger were warring inside you.  You asked him where he’d been but he gave you the same reasoning as before about his schoolwork.  You wanted to believe him but the voice in the back of your head assumed the worst until you finally asked Sam if there was someone else.  He was immediate to deny your claims and say that his love was only for you.

You say I'm crazy 'Cause you don't think I've known what you've done But when you call me baby I know I'm not the only one

You could feel yourself slipping away from your husband so you decided to take action.  Your Winter Break had officially started so you quickly packed a bag and headed to the airport to buy a ticket to California to surprise Sam.  

The plane ride was uneventful but your stomach was in a knot.  What were you going to find once you got to Sam? Were you overreacting and Sam was really just busy with school? Had Sam found someone else to keep his bed warm at night?  The questions swirled in your head until you found yourself in front of Sam’s dorm room.  At the beginning of the semester, you’d exchanged dorm info in case either of you visited the other.  You raised your hand to knock but it flew open, revealing a smiling Sam with his arm slung around the waist of a short blonde.

You've been so unavailable Now sadly I know why Your heart is unobtainable Even though Lord knows you kept mine

You both stood there, mouths gaping, before the blonde cleared her throat, obviously uncomfortable with the growing tension.  This pulled you out of your stupor long enough to reach back and slap Sam hard across the face, tears streaming down your face.

“You son of a bitch! I’ve been worried sick about you and you’ve been here playing house with her?!”

“Y/N, I-I, I’m so sorry.  I never wanted to hurt you.”

The blonde looks back and forth between you two before landing on you.  “Um, who are you exactly?”

Before you can speak up, Sam solemnly explains, “Jess, this is Y/N, my...my wife.”

“Your WHAT?! Sam, you told me you were single and that the girl calling you was your sister!”

“Sam, you are a grade A asshole.  I can’t believe you! I, I can’t do this.  I want a divorce.” You turned on your heels and ran out of the door, Sam fast on your heels.

“Y/N, wait! Please let me explain.”

“Sam, there’s nothing to explain! You have been cheating on me, apparently for a while.  If I hadn’t shown up, were you ever gonna tell me?”

The look on his face told you everything.  “Sam, I’m leaving.  I hope you have a nice life with your little girlfriend.”  As tears welled in his eyes, you turned away for fear of losing your resolve.

I have loved you for many years Maybe I am just not enough You've made me realize my deepest fear By lying and tearing us up

Once you arrived back at your hotel room, it seemed as if you had an never-ending reserve of tears, crying in the shower and once you went to bed.  You finally drifted to sleep sometime around 2 in the morning, hurt and angry.

The next morning, you were confused as to where you were before the previous night’s events came flooding back, along with the tears.  You gathered your belongings to head to the airport to hopefully exchange your flight for an earlier one.

Thankfully, your dorm didn’t close for the holidays.  You were looking forward to being alone and wallowing for a bit.  As you approached your building, you caught sight of a very familiar muscle car.  As you approached it, Dean got out and came straight for you and picked you up in a big hug.  You couldn’t stop the tears as you hugged him back.  How were you going to explain to him what Sam had done?

You were saved from your internal monologue when Dean said, “Sam told me everything.”  That brought a fresh wave of tears along with a huge dose of anger.  Dean helped you bring your bags up to your room.  He told you that he’d just wrapped up a case nearby when he got the call from Sam and decided to head your way.  You finally calmed down enough to look at Dean and ask why would Sam betray you like that.  Dean couldn’t answer that and chose to hug you instead.  He decided then to stay a few days to keep you company and keep your mind off his idiot brother.

Dean’s time with you came and went and before you knew it, the new semester was starting.  As soon as you had a spare moment, you found a local attorney’s office, officially petitioned for divorce, and had the papers sent to Sam.  Your heart ached as you were signing but you knew there was no recovering from this.  You needed to do this for your mental health.

Sam called and tried to work things out but each time you told him that it was over and there was no ‘fixing it’.  He finally relented and by the start of your sophomore year, you were no longer a Winchester.  The first sign that you were on the road to recovery was that that little tidbit didn’t hurt as much as you thought.

3 years later

Time flew by and here you were at your college graduation.  It was a similar scene as high school with Bobby & dean cheering you but you all knew that Sam should have been there too.  You still had your moments of sadness where you wished things were different but time had lessened the hurt and you were looking forward to your future.  You’d accepted a position down in New Orleans with a well-established company known for its great treatment of its employees.  No matter what life had thrown at you thus far, you knew this new start was just what you needed.

5 years later (Sam’s POV)

Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down 'Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name

Another state, another case.  At this point, it felt like I was existing and life was happening around me.  I’ve haven’t been the same since Y/N and I divorced.  There’s not a moment that I don’t think of her or how I completely betrayed her trust.  So much has happened since then.  Jess broke up with me right after Y/N left, saying that she couldn’t be with a cheater.  Then, Dean came to California and beat the crap out of me for hurting Y/N.  I deserved every punch and then some.  He also informed that Dad had gone missing and I needed to help him find him.  From there, I dropped out of Stanford and was roped back into the ‘family business’.  Now, Dean & I’ve been at it for 5 years and while our relationship has healed, it will never be as it once was and I take full responsibility for that.

On this particular case, we found ourselves down in New Orleans hunting a witch.  It turned out to be an easy case and we decided to hit a local bar to celebrate.  Once inside, we found a corner table to hole up at with our beers.  Soon after, Dean found a barfly to flirt with and I sat at the table with just my thoughts.  30 minutes in, a rowdy group walks in and at the front is a face I thought I’d never see again.

My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made, ohh… And it haunts me every time I close my eyes

I sat there staring at her.  She looked mostly the same but her hair was shorter, in a pixie cut that she wore well.  She seemed to be enjoying herself as she laughed at a joke someone told, head thrown back and eyes bright.  The group moved towards some tables and she turned towards the bar to order.  As she ordered, Dean instantly recognized the voice and turned towards you.

“Y/N? Is that you?”, you heard from your left, causing you to turn.

“Dean! How good to see you!” You turned and hugged him tightly, discreetly scanning the crowd, probably looking for me.

You & Dean spent a few minutes catching up before the mood turned somber and our eyes connected.  I could see your breath hitch before you turned back to the bar, hugged Dean again, collected your drinks, and went back to your table.  You’d schooled your features before reaching the table, slapping a big grin on your face and passing out the drinks before taking the last 2, one for you and one for the man beside you.  He accepted the drink while pressing a light kiss to your lips with a smile.  You wrapped your arm around him and that’s when I caught a glimpse of the ring adorning your left hand.

I threw some cash down on the table and slipped out to the alley beside the bar, the alcohol heightening my emotions before they came crashing down.  I sat and sobbed over how I screwed everything up and the best thing that ever happened was now happy in the arms of another man.

Although it hurts I'll be the first to say that I was wrong Oh, I know I'm probably much too late To try and apologize for my mistakes But I just want you to know I hope he buys you flowers I hope he holds your hand Give you all his hours When he has the chance Take you to every party 'Cause I remember how much you loved to dance Do all the things I should have done When I was your man Do all the things I should have done When I was your man

[cooperjones2020]

Second City, chp. 10

Summary: Sometimes she worries she’s settling — for a smaller job, a smaller city, a smaller life than she’d promised herself — but that was before she found out Jughead Jones lives in Chicago. That was before she found out the final secret of Jason Blossom’s murder.

A/N: Fletcher Foley is a real Archie comics character, but I haven’t read any of the issues he’s in.

A/N 2: Apparently I forgot to post this a few days ago when the chapter went up on Ao3, so for those of you who only read here, here you go :)

ao3–>http://archiveofourown.org/works/11409360/chapters/26328312

All previous chapters of Second City and Nobodies Nobody Knows under the tag #second-city and on the Who Sings Heartache to Sleep series page on Ao3.

10. In which a change of scenery takes place

She steps out of Jughead’s apartment and into an uber. Well, not immediately. She can’t telepathically summon ride-hailing services. Though she’s sure someone in Silicon Valley is working on that very problem in this exact moment. A hysterical laugh gets caught in her throat at the thought.

She’s worried Jughead will come after her, so she zigzags a couple of blocks until she’s on the far side of the square. In between a coffee shop and a wine bar, she finds a large hedge to stand beside, and then she summons the car. Thankfully, his neighbourhood is still busy on a Sunday afternoon, and there are many small black icons zooming around when she opens the app. The wait is less than two minutes.

Kevin, she knows, is at work, some special project keeping him up at all hours and in the office, even on weekends. Polly doesn’t pick up. It’s her day off, so Betty assumes her sister and her sister’s boyfriend are enjoying their last few days of kid-free time. And, while she’s so glad she and Veronica are reconnecting again, she doesn’t think they’re quite at the point for this. Even if they were, she also doesn’t think she’s quite ready for Ronnie’s particular blend of supportively brutal honesty. Archie is an option she doesn’t even consider.

So, she goes to the only person who knew her then.

She manages to recapture and hold onto her anger all through the car ride. It feels righteous, powerful, and, unfortunately, all too short. Because once she steps into Mary’s house, she bursts into tears. Something deep inside her, long forced closed and held together with glue, staples, tape, cracks open and grief stampedes through her. She’s vaguely aware of Mary pulling her to the couch, wrapping her arms around her, and rocking her. Mary rubs circles on Betty’s back and makes calm shushing noises. She speaks only enough to ascertain that no one’s been injured or died, then she just lets Betty unload until she’s empty.

She cries for an embarrassingly long time, in violent sobs that wrack her body and cause a headache to bloom behind her eyes.

At some point, she comes to and slides from the couch to the floor. It’s still light out, though it is the middle of summer, so all that really tells her is it’s before 9 pm. Her throat is dry and lips parched. There’s a water bottle on the coffee table in front of her. She grabs it and drinks half in a series of gulps. Mike must have brought it out for her. She hasn’t noticed him in the haze of her heartache, but he must be around somewhere.

Betty settles back against Mary’s legs and lets her stroke her hair, allowing herself to be comforted by the maternal gesture.

“He lied to me.” She doesn’t know if she’s talking about Jughead or her father, but, in the end, she supposes, it doesn’t really matter.

Once she gets to her gate, Betty tries to take up as much space as she possibly can without feeling guilty about it. She picks a seat at the end of a row and sets her purse next to her, her sweater in the seat next to that. Her suitcase she slides so it’s partially in front of a fourth seat. She creates a forcefield of belongings so no one can approach her.

Yesterday had scooped her out and left her numb, depleted. But the one good thing about a multi-hour crying jag is its cleansing power. Sitting at the gate, she feels a renewed sense of purpose.

As soon as it’s crossed nine o’clock, she calls Cynthia.

“Betty, why are you calling me? Why don’t you just come down the hall? We can start our Monday meeting a little early.”

“I’m not in the office, Cynth. I had a bit of a personal emergency. I’m actually at O’Hare waiting for a flight back to Riverdale.” In all her years of grown-up-hood, Betty’s never done something like this. When her father died, they’d known it was coming, so she’d made arrangements to work from home and had trained the person who’d filled in for her on the things she couldn’t do remotely. Anxiety bubbles in her stomach at the thought of disappointing Cynthia.

“Oh no, is everything okay? Your family?”

“No, they’re fine. It’s more a me thing. But I’m so sorry to just leave like this. I know I don’t have vacation time or anything yet, but I was thinking I could use some sick days? Though I don’t know how long I’ll be gone—no more than a week surely. But I can also just take it as unpaid time, I know I’m leaving you in the lurch. And I have a piece half-finished—”

“Betty, stop. We’ll survive. We were gonna run your FP Jones interview this week anyway before his pre-publication publicity circuit starts next month.”

“Oh right.”

The flare of anger she has at the memory of her and Jughead in the bar in May, the moment she first started letting him back in, gives her the courage to get to the thing she’s been thinking about since she cried herself to sleep, then woke up at midnight on Mary’s couch and bought the plane ticket.

“Look, about that. The personal thing. I have a piece to pitch you. I think we should extend the Jones series to three articles. I’ll still review the new book. But I wanna write about—about Betsy Coleman. About being her. About what really happened, all the stuff Jughead omitted from the story. I want to write about it.”

But Cynthia knows her. Knows how deeply uncomfortable she’d been at the prospect of being publicly connected to the character.

“Oh honey, no. Why don’t we just talk about that when you get back?”

She lets Cynthia talk to her down, but she makes notes on the story anyway, while drinking the largest Starbucks green tea frappucino she thinks she can get away with without totally wrecking her blood sugar. She doesn’t mind that Jughead had written about her, about their life. She’d always known he would, had believed it in all the years between their break-up and The Final Fissure’s publication. She couldn’t begrudge him the one thing that she knows has always kept him sane, the thing that he does so beautifully it would be a crime to keep it from the rest of the world. She can’t begrudge the world for wanting to share in that. But, now, she’s pissed that he made her the heroine. She’s pissed that he put her on a pedestal, even while her own family was just as dirty as the Blossoms, the Kellers, the McCoys. In the Civil War between the North and the South of Riverdale, it was the Montagues that were blameless. Her own Capulets commanded every gun, every sword, every gavel.

She does wind up talking to Veronica, huddled against a charging station, and Ronnie makes her laugh through the tears that occasionally threaten.

Betty is jealous of Veronica (what else is new?). She is jealous of how sure and easy things are between her and Archie. And god she’s jealous of the sex she knows they must be having.

“It’s like the universe was saying here’s what you get, Elizabeth. You finally get to have a really great lay and then it all comes crashing down around your ears,” she whisper-yells, all too aware of the businessman in the row behind her. She hates being on FaceTime in public. Headphones make it marginally better, but not enough dispel her anxieties over being heard.

“Betty, that’s not how it works and you know it. You and Jughead, it sounds like you were a ticking time bomb anyway. Both physically and emotionally.”

“Bomb is exactly the right word. Only there’s a hell of a lot more shrapnel than I predicted.”

“Are you sure you should be leaving right now? I’m sure Jughead’s worried about you if you just ran out on him. And your mother—look, I may have only known her a short while but Alice Cooper makes an impression. Don’t you want to be calm when you see her?”

“I need to know, Ron. And she’s out of town right now, so I’ll have some time to figure out what I want to say. To look for, I don’t know, something.”

“Do you want to talk to Archie? I can wake him up.”

“No, I’m not ready yet.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t know.” She feels her nostrils flare.

“How could he not know?” She doesn’t know what would be worse — if Archie had lied to her or if Jughead had lied to Archie. Even through her own pain, she’d noticed how deeply Archie had felt Jughead’s loss. She’d been so pleased when she’d heard they’d reconnected. She didn’t want to come between them. Even at the time, she’d felt guilty for being with Archie. And sometimes, she’s pretty sure he felt the same. But they’d needed each other then, to hold each other up when the foundation had crumbled beneath them.

No, she knows what would be worse. As much as she hates having Robin Scherbatsky-ed them, the thought of her lifelong best friend, the only person who’d always been there for her, who’d always been honest with her, even when it would have hurt her less to lie, the thought of him keeping something like this from her—Well, it’s almost as bad as Jughead keeping it from her.

As she readies to board the plane, she finally pulls up their text message thread. He called her eight times yesterday, before finally giving up around 11 pm. He also sent her twenty-two texts, none of which she’d read. When she’d awoken at midnight on Mary’s couch, she’d opened the apps to get rid of the notifications, then pulled up the internet to book her flight. She hands her boarding pass to the gate attendant to scan, then shuffles along the jet bridge and scrolls through them.

“betty come back”

“you can’t just wander around a neighborhood you don’t know”

“i have more to tell you”

“i really want to talk to you”

“please answer me”

“you forgot your food. and your bra”

“hello”

“i will keep texting and calling you until you answer me”

“i just want to make sure you’re safe”

“please betts”

“i didn’t want to make it worse”

“i should have told you a long time ago”

“but in my defense it was pretty clear you’d moved on”

“shit ignore that last one”

“betty”

“betty”

“betty come on”

“answer your phone damn it”

“i’m sorry”

“just tell me you’re okay. please.”

“nvm, heard from mary”

“i’m here when you’re ready to talk.”

There’s one more text, from 5 o’clock that morning: “just please be ready to talk sometime”. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

Now, she responds: “can you send me copies of the security photos you have?”

He calls her when she’s still getting settled in her seat, and his voice is a familiar cocktail of anger, panic, and pain. “Betty, where are you?” Before she can answer, the flight attendant’s voice comes over the intercom. “Are you on a plane?”

“Yes.” She doesn’t mean to be short, but it’s hard to know what to say, what she can say in this moment.

“Where are you going?”

She debates not telling him, but knows he’d figure it out anyway. “Home. I need to talk to my mother and I need to do it in person. She’s not as good at lying to me face to face.”

He lets out a ragged sigh she can hear, even over the sounds of the engine warming up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to screw up—”

But she cuts him off, “I’m not. Jughead, whatever else I’m feeling, and who even knows what that is right now, I’m glad I know.”

“Why did you walk out?”

“Not right now, okay? Can we just focus on the Jason Blossom murder mystery plot?” There’s so much still for them to say, but she almost understands why he’d asked her that yesterday.

He’s silent a moment, then he says, “Are you okay?”

“No.” She lets out of shaky laugh. “Fuck no, definitely not. But I will be, once I get some answers.” But then the flight attendant comes by and signals that it’s time to switch to airplane mode. “I have to go, Jug. I’ll—I’ll call you, I guess. Later.”

“Okay.”

She hangs up without saying goodbye.

She can’t get comfortable during the flight. The ache between her thighs and across her shoulder blades reminds her how long it’s been since she’s been with a man. It also reminds her of the cost. She wonders if there’s a metaphor in there somewhere, but the thought is too tiring. So, she stares out the window as the lake gives way to the fields and forests of Michigan, Ontario, and, eventually, to New York.

Betty walks out of the airport, and, for the second time in two days, dissolves into a puddle of tears, this time in her sister’s arms.

“Hey, hey, little sis—what’s wrong?” Polly’s perfected her mom voice over the years, and for a moment Betty lets it lull her into a false sense of security. Then she freezes as realizes she cannot tell Polly any of what she suspects. Not until she’s sure. “No-nothing. It’s just been a hard week and I didn’t realize how much I missed you.”

Polly pulls back from her, hands still on her shoulders. “Do we maybe need to stop for some ice cream and Midol on the way home?”

Betty manages to pull a laugh out of somewhere deep inside, her spleen maybe, and says, “I hadn’t even thought of that, but sure.”

“One pint of Tonight Dough coming up! Mom only has that no sugar added frozen yogurt at her house, and, believe me, you don’t want to eat it unless you have to.”

She lets her sister console her with the promise of frozen dairy products and pain relievers she doesn’t need as they bundle her suitcase into the car and pull away from the airport.

“I’m sorry I won’t be here for your visit, Betty. And mom won’t be back from her conference for a couple of days, so you’ll have the house to yourself.”

“That’s okay. I’m the one who didn’t give you any warning I was coming. Thank you for coming to get me.”

“Are you kidding? A whole hour of you to myself and I don’t have to answer Cheryl’s incessant texts about SPF and not wearing mom shoes and yes I’m sure we don’t need fast passes and Disney World and Universal are plenty, we definitely don’t need to go to SeaWorld too.” Betty rolls her eyes. Cheryl is some Frankenstein’s monster of sort-of-cousin and sort-of-sister-in-law and completely overbearing, but Betty couldn’t imagine her life without her. She just wishes Cheryl would stop trying to buy the twins’ love. One, it’s unnecessary, they adore her. And two, sometimes it makes Betty feel a little bad that she can’t do the same, no matter how much Polly hates when Cheryl goes over the top.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay, just for tonight? I can have Fletcher push back our reservation.”

“No you should go. Don’t let me derail your plans. Besides, I had to be at the airport so early, I didn’t sleep very well last night.”

Polly rolls her eyes but keeps them on the road. “Of course not. You could have gotten a later flight, you know. Like two weeks later.”

“I know, it was sort of an impulsive decision.”

“Betty Cooper doesn’t do impulsive.”

“Maybe now she does.”

Polly glances over at her. “You look happier.” It’s surprising thing to say, considering the tears that had met their reunion.

“Pol, I just busted out the waterworks when all you did was hug me.”

“Stop it. I mean, you seem brighter. Like you’re taking better care of yourself. You’re smiley-er.”

“You spend too much time talking to twelve year olds. But yeah, I think…I think overall I am. I mean, it’s been hard, being so much farther away from all of you and basically starting over. But I like my life so far.”

“I’m so happy for you even though I miss you so much. Maybe once we all get to Orlando, I can have the twins FaceTime with you.”

“That’d be great. We all? Who else is going on this adventure again? Besides Cheryl.”

“Me, the kids, Fletcher, Cheryl’s girlfriend. Cheryl’s picking them up and we’re all meeting up at the airport Wednesday, so Fletcher and I are going to spend tonight and tomorrow in Saratoga Springs, a little mini-vacation before the crazy.”

Betty turns her sister’s statement around. “You’re happy?”

Polly’s smile is so big that Betty thinks it must hurt. She grabs Betty’s hand where it rests on the console and squeezes it.

“Yeah, I’m happy.”

Betty’s heart clenches.

For the rest of the ride, Polly chatters happily about their vacation plans. As much as Betty had enjoyed Harry Potter world, the prospect of that many consecutive days in the full buffet of Orlando’s theme parks, packed into crowds like sardines, and in August no less—she thinks it sounds like her own personalized version of hell.

But most of all, she thinks, she’s glad her sister won’t be here to see what’s coming. That she’ll have time to think of how to tell her.

[starwarshyperdrive]

I sent a complaint to StarWarsCelebration - why?

I have a strong sense of justice, so I felt the need to speak up, because there was something that really bothered me about Star Wars Celebration Anaheim 2020:

To whom it may concern, I’m usually not one to write complaints. I’m well aware that most complaints are just people upset because things didn’t go THEIR way and need someone to blame. So please forward this to the right department. I really hope this finds the right person and doesn’t get ignored or shut down by a ‘we take every complaint seriously’ template.

I was at all the recent celebrations, no matter where. I’m happy to travel for Star Wars and my entire live revolves around Star Wars events. I was always on board with all the changes and thought the panel lottery was great and fair (again, obviously people who didn’t get in complained), but today I’m extremely disappointed. The slogan Star Wars is for everyone seems very ironic all of a sudden. Star Wars is for those who have money. I know plenty of people who were still financially ‘recovering’ from Chicago, so the announcement that the 'tickets go on sale in 2 weeks' seemed a bit rushed and unusual. And here is why: You didn’t give people the chance to put money aside for it. In most countries payday is at the end of the month, so the 21st seemed like an odd choice. Especially given that the announcement happened so shortly before. This automatically excluded low income families. A very ‘Empire’ move that’s not in the spirit of Star Wars. People who didn’t have the money ready now for whatever reason or weren’t able to be online at the time of the sale (I understand its first come, first serve, but still..) had no chance. 4-Day tickets are sold out and Saturday (most likely the main event) tickets are probably also sold out by the time I’m typing this. This is not fair. This is elitist.

Why? Just look what already happened? Tickets already popped up on eBay for ridiculous prices. Whoever wants to go, but has to wait for the next paycheck, work to end, plane to land or whatever reason you had for not purchasing the tickets immediately and pay ..what..3 times, 4 times the amount? I know that your T&C don’t even allow that, but tell that the scalpers in whose hands you played by announcing the sale 2 weeks prior and choosing that date and the desperate fans, like myself who has to travel 7000 miles.

Is this really the message you wanna send? Star Wars is for those who can allocate funds in a short amount of time and supports scalpers? I understand, at the end of the day it’s all about money, but come on. It still can be done ‘nicely’. Events like this usually announce the sale months in advance. What is the reason for this unusual step? It surely backfired and alienated a lot of fans already as social media posts show.

I tool the liberty to also attach screenshots from eBay. THIS CAN’T be in your interest. That’s not the Star Wars I know.

[forthehopebeyondtheblue-blog]

The Story of Abigail’s Birth

                                                                                            January 12, 2019

I’m propped up in bed with our sweet babe swaddled and lying besides me. Abigail Claire Shrift was born at 10:25 Sunday night on January 6 weighing 8 pounds 11.8 ounces. She is absolutely perfect. I can’t believe tomorrow marks one week of life for her. Early last Saturday morning (4:30 am to be precise), I woke up with some mild cramping. I got up to use the restroom and, upon inspection, realized I had lost my mucus plug/ had the “bloody show” as it called. I laid back in bed and was awake until 6:30 with mild, irregular cramping until I fell back asleep until 8:00 or so. This essentially was the start of it all. Esther was gearing up to go to the airpot that morning, but was able to change her flight to the following day since her ticket was with Southwest. All of Saturday I had off and on cramps (some much worse than others), but for the most part was able to carry on as normal… Minus, of course, the odd slightly exhilarating, slightly terrifying knowledge that labor had begun, but I had no idea how it would unfold or progress.

By evening, the cramping had began to worsen. I went to bed but only dozed between contractions before calling it quits on sleep and getting up at 11:45. From then on, contractions began coming every 3 to 10 minutes. Around 4:00am, contractions were close enough and for long enough that we called the birthing center. We packed up and made the drive to the center with Mom, Dad, and Esther’s concerned faces ushering us out the door. Upon arriving at the birthing center, the nursing monitored the baby’s heart rate and my contractions for 30 minutes or so. With the heart rate monitor and contraction timer (not sure the exact term) strapped around my belly, it was hard to get into a comfortable position, so it was a great relief when they had gathered enough data to remove them. The midwife on call checked my cervix (not a fun experience) and said I was 90% effaced (still not sure what that means) but only 3 centimeters dilated. Because I wasn’t far enough along, they couldn’t admit me into the hospital yet. They let me labor in the room for awhile to see if I would progress enough to be admitted, but by 7am the midwife’s shift was ending and we made decided to head back home without going through another cervix check. Before we left, they gave me some medicine intended to help me rest.

Once we got home, David took a nap, and I laid down for a little bit, but the contractions became too painful to labor through them on my side. The initial cramps I experienced Saturday had been replaced with contractions that radiated throughout my lower back and hips. We had learned in the birthing class that back labor is due to the baby being face up and one way to cope is to apply counter pressure to your back and hips. As a result for most of labor, David had the palms of his hands pressed into my lower back and would squeeze as hard as he could when the contractions came on.

During this time, Mom and Dad had dropped off Esther at the airport and were at a local church service. They came back, though, and Dad became my hip-squeezing labor helper for awhile. I sat on the exercise ball in the living room with my body dropped over a mound of pillows stacked on the couch. Mom held my hand and at one point got me some toast which I ended up throwing up. The hospital staff had told me to not come back until my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart for an hour. By 1:00pm the intensity had really ramped up, but my contractions were still 2-6 minutes apart. I hadn’t felt the baby move in awhile (one of the things they told us to pay attention to), so David called the hospital. I could hear David’s responses to the many questions they were asking him, and it sounded as if they didn’t think it was that necessary for me to come in again yet. At this point, I was in a lot of pain and was so frustrated that it was sounding like they might encourage me to wait it out more. Praise the Lord, though, we were told to come in. I cried on the way there from the sheer pain and exhaustion of it all, but the trip did not last long. The short distance the birthing center is from our house was a blessing I did not anticipate being as wonderful as it was. Upon arriving, a midwife named Blanch was on call. A slightly portly woman with a gray bob, she had a very motherly reassuring presence in a no-nonsense kind of way. After monitoring the baby’s heart rate and my contractions again for what felt like forever, Blanche checked my cervix and said I was 8 centimeters dilated! I cried tears of relief that I wouldn’t be sent back home.

After this, the timeline of things is a bit of a blur. Our nurse, Lynnette, was absolutely wonderful. I want to cry just thinking about it. At 7pm, Blanches’ shift was up and Jennifer Taylor, one of the midwives I had seen for my prenatal check-ups, came on call. When I was next checked, I was 9.5 cm dilated. Jennifer wasn’t in the room much but told me I would know when to push. It was a little unclear, however, since my contractions were all still in my back so I really never had the urge to bear down like some women describe. Throughout this time, I labored on my hands and knees on the hospital bed, tried out the birthing tub only to quickly get out once I realized I felt weightless and David couldn’t squeeze my hips like before, and on my side with the peanut ball between my legs. At some point when I had transitioned from my hands and knees to my side, I began to feel something in between my legs. This was before I began pushing. I frantically told the nurse I thought the baby’s head was crowning. She checked me and called in Jenn and the other hospital staff. It wasn’t the baby’s head but rather my amniotic sac bulging through since my water still hadn’t broken yet. Jenn told me I was ready to start pushing and had me transition to a birthing stool which seemed to help me bear down more. Pushing was incredibly hard, and the contractions were terrible. All throughout, Lynnette and Jean were encouraging me and coaching me through while David continued to squeeze my hips and be the world’s best support. I couldn’t have done it without them. I can still hear Lynnette’s voice saying over and over again, “Come on Mama, come on Mama, you can do it.” At one point, Jenn suggested that I labor through few more contractions then change positions; however, she changed her mind when I ramped up the pushing and more progress was made. I began pushing at 9:00pm and at 10:25, our baby girl was born.

There was a swarm of activity with a respiratory therapist present since the baby had pooped in the amniotic fluid and that can pose problems for breathing. However, she did great, thank you Jesus, and was passed directly up to me. In some ways, I still can’t believe it all happened and that was me- disheveled hair, eyes closed in delirium, hospital gown gaping open and then suddenly a bloody slippery baby coming out of me and being placed on my chest. They let me sit there a few minutes and then had me transition to a the bed where David cut the umbilical cord, I delivered the placenta, and Jenn stitched me up where I tore. Abi almost immediately looked for something to suck on and stuck her wrist in her mouth. After a little bit, David went into the waiting room to share the good news with Mom and Dad and to announce she was a girl much to all of our surprise.

Once Mom and Dad had met the baby, Lynnette helped me to the bathroom and I had one of the strangest experiences of my life. I was shaking uncontrollably and almost passed out twice. On the toilet, I couldn’t get myself to go the bathroom. It was like my body had no communication with the muscles in that area, and I began to wonder if Jenn had stitched up the wrong hole (haha not really but that’s what it felt like). I was finally able to manage a pathetic trickle of pee. Lynnette meanwhile wiped me down with a warm cloth and patiently waited. It was so humbling. I felt so weak, but it also gave me such a vivid picture of the Lord’s description of Ezekiel in His treatment and care of and for Israel. To be covered in blood and be weak and helpless and so tenderly taken care of was something that hadn’t even crossed my mind when I had thought about the whole birth experience. In Ezekiel 16:9, the word of the Lord says, “Then I bathed you with water and washed off your blood from you and anointed you with oil.” After labor and delivery, I have a whole new perspective on that chapter. It also makes me think of 1 Corinthians 6:11, “… But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” After Lynnette helped to clean me up, I was wheeled to the postpartum room and began recovery. It wasn’t until the next day that we settled on her name- Abigail Claire meaning “father’s joy” or “gives joy.”

                                                                                                   March 15, 2019  

Now two plus months after Abigail birth, labor almost seems like a distant memory. Coming home from the hospital felt like resurfacing from Rip Van Winkle’s long slumber in that I felt completely out of touch with the world at large. It seemed hard to believe that world had continued as normal while ours was irreversibly changed. Now Abi is a 13 pound chunk who coos and smiles and takes in the world around her with wide blue eyes. For all of my fear and uncertainties, motherhood has been sweeter than I could have imagined. I continue to be amazed at the Lord’s gift of life.

I pray that Abi will grow in the knowledge and fear of the Lord and that I will remember that while we love her so much it hurts, Jesus loves her even more. She is a gift entrusted to us to shepherd and instruct and nurture. It is a sobering but sweet privilege. I know we will mess up and make stupid decisions because we already have yet that is the beauty of the gospel. Christ has already atoned for our sins and has relieved us of the burden of having to be “everything” for our child. In fact, our calling as Christian parents is to remember our own need for a Savior and to help our child recognize her need as well. In a world that is desperately trying to assuage the hurts and deep wounds of the heart with self-care and motivational manifestos, Jesus tells us we are not enough. We are broken. We are sinful. This grates against our modern “sensibilities.” We have become so focused on ourselves that we have forgotten that Jesus is not our self-help guru nor is He our self-esteem boosting genie. He is the Creator of the universe who has called us to pick up our cross and die to our selfish desires daily. It can be a really hard pill to swallow, but it is on the other side of dying to our sinful desires that true joy and wholeness are found. It’s not intuitive and I fail daily, but I pray that motherhood would be an instrument the Lord uses to draw me closer to Himself as well as to use me in Abi’s life to lead her to the One who knit her together in my womb and promises to never leave or forsake her.

[falkenscreen]

Film Festival Frontiers

“We want as big an audience Australia-wide as possible as this is our contribution to pushing back against COVID-19.”

The best anyone can do right now is keep each other busy at home. For some this means sharing a movie with friends; for others, it means making that happen.

“We were gutted that this iconic year in the life of BOFA should be cancelled and so we looked around to find a solution” continued Tasmanian Breath of Fresh Air Film Festival Director Owen Tilbury. “We reached out to our distributors and asked if they would join us online; all of them said it was a good idea and most have been able to offer films and we’ve searched the archives for some great BOFA Retrospectives.”

“The difference between watching movies and being at a Film Festival is conversation. The conversations in a queue while waiting for a film and the conversations after a film. An online Festival needs to keep the conversations going and we will. We have created 9 Conversation opportunities online via Zoom; there is a tenth Anniversary online celebration and seven film Conversations mostly referencing COVID-19 and our reactions to it. And of course a closing night party – it’s all about connections.”

To be staged online via streaming platform Dacast over three weekends commencing May 1, crucial to BOFA emerging freely accessible was sponsorship via corporate partners and the Tasmanian Government. With most Film Festivals managed by volunteers who depend entirely on short term revenue to stage a Film Festival or buttress a run against personal liability for a net loss, Federal and State Government intervention and lack thereof has proved critical in Directors determining whether Festivals can run at all. With volunteers nationwide fairly occupied with confirming personal and primary sources of income divorced from Festivals, for those lacking technical expertise and/or resources the absence of financial intervention has and will prove prohibitive.

Another free yet entirely self-funded platform, Static Vision will this Friday manage their fourth weekly interactive live-stream. Dedicating the collective to delivering the events free of charge, the organisers have asked for donations where possible and encouraged patrons to purchase custom e-motes for use in the group chats which on average have attracted over 100 simultaneous viewers.

“We’ve had a great response to our online live-stream events so far and are excited to continue our experiment for the foreseeable future; we have a few huge announcements to make over the coming weeks and are very excited to share them once all the details are finalised,” said Static Vision Co-Founder Felix Hubble. “Being able to interact with some of our viewers in real-time in a casual, virtual setting has been a big plus.”

“We’ll try to keep our events frequent (weekly, if possible) and will continue to approach a diverse range of filmmakers, performers and other industry figures who aren’t generally accessible to Australian audiences for interactive Q+As and other conversations, alongside our curated shorts programs and feature screenings, to tide us over until physical cinema spaces are open again. “

Too critical to cinemas and Film Festivals recurring in 2020 (and indeed running in subsequent years) are the extent to which Government relief and most necessarily JobKeeper payments can support continued exhibition. It’s not simply a matter of relaxing the financial strain for organisations and individuals (volunteer or not) so the latter, whether the impact be related to their Festival or wholly personal, can manage. Moreover, it’s about maintaining the organisations’ structures of personnel, ensuring these institutions do not fold and can indeed propel future programs beyond those immediately shelved.

With access to the payment restricted to those who have worked for an employer for longer than 12 months “on a regular and systematic basis,” the current legislation does not account for many of these casual employees in the Festival space. Given Festival employment is often sporadic, seasonal and spread across multiple forums, numerous devotees will not meet the criteria following amendments to extend funding to freelance workers and establish a package for the arts sector’s recovery being defeated in Federal Parliament.

The status quo has too affected many in the film industry who routinely rely on freelance commitments who, alongside temporary visa holders, many of whom rely on the Festival circuit, do not stand to benefit from the JobKeeper subsidy. Cinemas, a number of which manage Festivals intrinsically tied to the venue, will neither be able to immediately distribute the JobKeeper amounts to needful employees as requested and to be subsequently reimbursed by the Federal Government given ticket revenue has halted and the payments won’t be forthcoming from Canberra for weeks.

“While we’ll be hit in box office, we’ve been as pro-active as we can be in responding to COVID and I feel we’re taking a leading and positive position nationally,” said Revelation Film Festival Director Richard Sowada. “We’re utlising every resource we have to be of service to the entire screen sector and community where we can and refuse to be paralysed.”

“Our immediate response includes developing an online festival which will hopefully take place over our traditional July dates, developing film production initiatives across organisations to provide work and output and initiating an ongoing series of online talks and workshops analysing all sectors of production, distribution and exhibition. These will be rolling out within 3 weeks.”

Revelation, which has rescheduled its Perth-based run to September, are also seeking out WA filmmakers in an effort to highlight their work and sustain artists through the crisis.

“We’ve built a WA section of our own streaming portal REVonDEMAND to support the exhibition of locally developed content,” continued Richard. “We’re adding 6 new international titles per month to that portal and we’ll be building talks and Q&As with filmmakers internationally around them.”

Revelation’s advents come at the time of, following the postponement or cancellation of several dozen Fests, the Melbourne International Film Festival’s August cancellation in days past; the first in MIFF’s sixty-nine years. Far from a surprise yet no less a disappointment to thousands of casual and dedicated film fans alike, the emphasis on and reliance by the Festival and its ilk on major titles and pre-releases via distributors adverse to piracy and consequentially online exhibition has meant that such forums, or at least much of the material they’re accustomed to distributing, have not immediately transitioned online.

A Night of Horror, having planned a return to the indie and genre Film Festival circuit in May following a hiatus, are exploring opportunities for streaming segments prior to a planned resumption of the Festival later in 2020.

“We’re not going entirely virtual as most filmmakers have issues with piracy and copyright,” said A Night of Horror’s Craig Walker, noting that prospective digital outlets are typically designed for promoting clips and trailers rather than showcasing completed works.

“I do indeed want to see the shorts program streamed for those who cannot make the screened session, as well as the TV/Web program.”

With avenues like MIFF too constrained by the practical and security limitations of placing something even close to the scale of customary operations online, Melbourne’s dedicated ‘open-mic’ film collective Filmonik pulled off a first by utilising broadcast, video, chat and streaming software between multiple sites, with the New South Wales sister cell too hosting a novel screening.

“This was our first time live-streaming Kino Sydney without an audience,” said Kino co-coordinator Bryan Fisher. “As expected, there were a lot of technical problems but the films themselves were fantastic as always and the online audience were very supportive, which was extremely uplifting for us. It was fantastic to see some films were made in isolation and we hope to see more during our next live-stream. As our next screening falls on May 4th, we fully expect Star Wars themed isolation films.”

“We’re super happy with the result of our forced transition from a lively screening party at Loop bar to a live-stream show shot in a living room with housemates – our regular screenings are quite warm and loose so broadcasting from a couch wasn’t going to throw the vibe off too much,” said Filmonik co-ordinator Olivier Bonenfant. “The biggest bonus was having viewers from different countries and from sister group Kino Sydney.”

The highlights of the night included an opening ode to isolation (a personal favourite of this author) and a closing flick dedicated to Melbourne’s great outside, with the next screening scheduled for April 28.

“Our main principles stayed intact; we kept the open-mic/open-screen non-competitive format with a lineup picked at random during the show and without real curation (with surprisingly great results month after month),” said Olivier. “Interviews with filmmakers were a priority and I was amazed that nearly everyone made it to their interview with only one instruction email sent 2 days before.”

“It wasn’t the tightest show ever overall but I think it made some of us feel close to each other in this period of isolation. It’s this presence that’s important and we were all able to share a great evening of short films and be as passionate about it as ever. I’ll be thrilled to be back in the world with the rest of the team soon(?) but for now the novelty of it makes it fun.“

Seeking to bring patrons and the industry together, the Gold Coast Film Festival just concluded its six-day online Shorts in Paradise Film Festival (SIPFest) with a filmmaker cash prize set to be conferred in light of an audience poll. Following the cancellation of the traditional April run, the GCFF Screen Industry Gala Awards will too nonetheless be granted tonight and streamed (for free) online.

The SCINEMA International Science Film Festival, set for June, are likewise preparing to deliver this year’s run digitally and with an extended playlist. Having too placed a range of features and shorts dating back to SCINEMA 2016 in the Festival’s accessible archive, SCINEMA joins Lorne Film and numerous Festivals in showcasing, recommending or otherwise highlighting previous programs’ fixtures online.

The Castlemaine Documentary Film Festival, previously scheduled to take place in July, will actually be reaching audiences sooner via hosting a virtual screening of the appropriately titled The Show Must Go On (featured image), free of charge, on April 30. Conveniently covering the matter of wellness in the creative industry, CDFF, joining many other Fests in reckoning with the centrality of conversation and togetherness in the Festival experience and no less in this time of isolation, will be featuring a Q&A and discussion with the filmmakers following the movie.

Streaming of one’s own volition, something many have available to us via Stan, Netflix and else can be a joy, but not near so much as being told to switch off our mobiles or even hear someone speaking too loudly absent, for so many, being close to any other. There’s something greater in watching something, anything together and it’s not just having to focus the mind knowing that it will only be before us for a while, but knowing it’s enhanced by every grunt, cheer, or even silence accentuating our best and sometimes lesser stories.

We miss that, and these spaces not just bringing but fostering communities online that may only grow when this is all over are providing a service needed now more than in many viewers’ living memories. Another seeking same is Monster Fest and having screened its first weekly feature this Friday past, the crew will revisit some horror upon us this coming weekend. This author tuned in for The Windmill Massacre and bumping into a friend in the group chat I hadn’t seen in some time was no small joy – we’re catching another flick this Sunday.

“In the last few years Fangoria x Monster Fest has created a very tight-knit community around our theatrical releases and regular event screenings across Australia; the horror and genre community in Australia is extremely passionate and connected so with that in mind our aim with the Friday Fright Night online screenings is to bring a sense of community back to watching films to fill the void created by the cinema closures,” said Monster Fest’s Grant Hardie. “With these screenings we are looking to engage our audience to interact and share the online viewing experience in a live situation. They’ll feature talent intro’, Q&As and other specialised content all designed to give the audience a unique and interactive experience from the comfort of their homes and connect with each other .”

on Festevez

[well-hidden-hot-mess]

an update and more rambles (what else is new?)

Well things have changed a lot since my last post. Good and bad things. Just lots of things. This is going to be a long one so buckle up. You’ve been warned.

I (FINALLY!!!) moved to my dream city that I’ve been dreaming of for the last 10 years and it’s everything I’ve ever wanted and more. I truly feel at home in a way I’ve never felt before and it’s so freeing. That’s something I need to remind myself when I feel like I’m drowning in stress and just life - just stop, take a second and remember that you did something that so many people never have the balls to do (aka pick up their entire lives and move across the country from everything they’ve ever known and everyone they care about and everything that was “safe” to them to embark on a whole new life in a brand new place where they know no one) and not just to any place, but to the place that you instantly knew was your home the second you landed over 10 years ago and decided to do what you knew deep down would be the best decision you’ve ever made in your life and guess what. It was the best decision you’ve ever made and it worked out despite all of the days spent worrying about “what if I hate it there? what if I fail and have to come back home with my tail between my legs and admit that I was wrong? what if my happy place isn’t all that I expected it to be and I realize I made a huge mistake?” and do I regret a single thing about taking that chance? Not even the slightest bit. Yes I do miss having my family so close (especially my puppy since he doesn’t understand how to FaceTime) and I miss that sense of security of having my safety net/support group so close by but I’m starting to finally feel like I’m growing roots here and it’s honestly just such a good feeling. Fuck why am I crying? lol. I love my home here and I’m so proud of myself for putting myself before all the stupid worry/doubt my brain kept pushing at me and saying fuck it I’m doing this. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made and that wouldn’t have been possible without me standing up against those inner demons or whatever and it feels great to finally have won/have some sort of victory over them so next time they’re taking over again, I can be like yo remember what happened last time you fought back harder than you ever had? Look what happened, you changed your life and got out of the dead end miserable existence you had and created a life that makes you truly happy in a place that makes you feel more alive than you ever thought possible. You did that. No one else did it for you. Yes you had help along the way but you did it. If I can do something that I’ve truly felt like I've been called to do for over a decade despite all of the scariness/risks/etc and put myself out there and put my happiness first over those stupid inner demons, I can honestly do anything. Well that turned into way more of a rant than intended but that’s what I do here lol.

Originally before I left, wifey had told me she had free tickets to go see Luke Bryan/Cole Swindell at Jones Beach and since I wasn’t sure when I was moving I was like oh 100% I’ll go. Then we figured out my move date was 4th of July (Independence Day - so fitting lol) and the concert was July 17th. Wifey was saying how sad she was that I wasn’t going to be able to go since I’ll have moved already and it’s our yearly tradition to see him now. I looked at her surprised and was like “umm she’s been my best friend for almost 15 years and acts like she’s never met me before...?”. So needless to say, 2 weeks after I moved, I flew back home to CT to go to the show with her, Jenny, Kristin, and Sam and holy. shit. It was my first concert at Jones Beach so that was cool. We picked up Kristin in NYC on the way there and had the best time blasting music and singing and pregaming on the way there. We got to go to a meet and greet and listening party for Cole Swindell. He was super sweet and we got to hear 2 of his songs that weren’t released yet/wouldn’t be released. It was so I don’t even know the word to describe how cool it was and how like full my soul felt to see him listening to the songs along with us and you could just feel the passion radiating out of him while the songs were playing and I just felt like the grinch where my heart grew three sizes in that moment. It was so refreshing to see that that passion and pureness does still exist in this crazy world and it was just a moment I’ll never forget. Then we went to the concert where we were originally like halfway up the stadium and when wifey sent a thank you text to who got us the tickets with a picture from the seats, they were like umm no that’s not good enough and were told to go meet some guy from security. So we go over and as we’re waiting, I turn around and in the most like hidden seats I see Theresa aka the Long Island Medium and her daughter just sitting there like NBD. So I freak out about that obviously and have to tell my mom but the selfie attempts failed so I was sad. But then we were lead into the pit and I was 3 people away (security included) away from Luke the entire show. I don’t think I blinked the entire time. I felt kinda bad because wifey was like “oh come over here there’s more room” and I was like “I love you but this is the only chance I might ever have to be this close to the love of my life/obsession so I’m going to stay here if that’s okay” and she immediately understood and was like “yep, say no more” and we were close enough where if something happened I could turn and make eye contact with them so it was okay. It was honestly the best night of my entire life so far and did I mention that he made direct eye contact with/sang to me for a few seconds during Play It Again? Because he did and I’m pretty sure I felt my soul leave my body at that moment. That night was easily in the top 10 greatest moments I’ll ever have in my life and I regret not a single thing. The hassle of having to pack up and fly home in the midst of not even being close to done unpacking was beyond worth it and I’d do it all over again a million times. 

Okay let’s see what else. So I got offered a job at the first interview I went to which was a nice little ego/confidence boost as the assistant manager of a spa (ironic I know since the last spa managers I’ve known have been nice but the bane of my existence most of the time lol) in a town like 20 mins outside of the city. I had to be incognito about being the new manager for the first 3 months as like a trial period to make sure it was a good fit before we announced it to everyone. I wish I could say it’s been all sunshine and rainbows since then but seeing how this is the first new job I’ve had in 6 years, the beginning was a bit rough. I’m used to being the veteran that knows everything and is the go to person but now I was the newbie who felt like they didn’t know anything (because I didn’t lol) and felt kinda useless at the beginning during training because I was so eager to jump in and help and show my true work ethic and all that but it’s hard to do when you have zero idea what you’re talking about. Then they kinda dumped on me that in a few months they wanted me to be ready to move up to full on spa manager and I panicked hard. Then the manager left for a week and a half on vacation where she wasn’t reachable if I needed help and let’s just say it was just short of a disaster. I also contracted a respiratory infection during that time and had literally zero voice above a faint whisper even if I tried yelling and it was so painful to breathe/exist let alone run a spa when I feel like I was not prepared at all for that. Then when she came back we had a talk and I was told that I had disappointed the owners since they thought I should’ve handled things better despite being sick and that I'm not further along into being ready for that role. That fucking hurt because I was killing myself just to get there each day and survive and I was trying to be positive and get things done when inside and outside I was clearly dying. Then after some reflection, I sat down with her again and we had a very productive talk. I explained that I didn’t ask many questions before she left because I didn’t know what I didn’t know until I was left alone with no one to go to for help and it was all on me. I also explained how before this job, my highest role was equivalent to a lead SA there and this was all brand new to me. I wasn’t the one making the big decisions with clients or dealign with managing the entire staff instead of like 10 people but mainly like 5 who were more than just coverage people if needed or doing inventory or reports or calling the shots on when to waive final payments or the 24 hour cancellation fee or any of that. I think once she kinda understood where I was coming from and that was laid out in front of her, she realized I needed to actually be trained not just tell me how to do things when problems arise and since it had been so crazy busy with gift card season and the holidays and vacations and training the influx of new SAs, we didn’t do any specific manager training other than when problems came up in the moment. So things became a lot different and we’re putting aside time to really train and get me prepared for my current role and the future role too. During all of this, my depression took full control of me for a month or two and really took a nose dive after the week I was left alone (I’ll go into more of that later on) and it really affected my work. I was constantly 20 or more minutes late despite numerous talking to’s, I wasn’t fully present despite how hard I was trying to be, my sales went out the window, my team lost respect for me (I don’t blame them for that at all since I was so in my own little bubble and focused on just surviving another day that I wasn’t up to my full potential and not able to support them in the way I should’ve/want to be), I stopped working out and was binge eating the worst foods constantly and gained about 40lbs in a few short months (sound familiar?). Then a couple weeks ago, I got written up for being late and if it continued, I would be demoted to SA and then eventually fired and that was exactly the kick in the ass I needed to get my ass back in gear and lift myself out of that depression slump. I’ve been at least 5 minutes early for every shift since then and have been actively making sure I’m there for my team and learning how to be a better manager to help support them and the business as a whole. I feel so much more in control of my life and it feels fucking great. I don’t dread going to work each day anymore and don’t have to fight to get out of bed each day to get there and don't feel so hopeless like I'll never be good enough for them no matter how hard I try (aka how I felt after that week of being alone). I had my latest one on one yesterday and my boss kept saying how much improvement she’s seen in me and feels so much more confident in me as that potential future spa manager now that she’s seen how hard I've been working to do my best. Like I wasn’t holding back tears but I was one tiny step before that because I was so happy that my hard work is being recognized and is paying off. I truly do want to do my best there and she sees that and appreciates it and that’s just not something I’m used to so it’s like “oh this is what being in a non toxic work environment is like... this is what it’s like being appreciated and supported by management.... huh...”. So that’s pretty cool. And I even got a fleece zip up with the company logo on it as a reward kinda which just added to it lol. I’ve been there 6 months and got a really nice fleece zip up when after 6 YEARS at EQX all I got was a stupid hat lol. I don’t know if being with this company is a lifelong thing but it’s working for me now and I think it’s exactly where I should be, even just to learn how to be a manager and learn those skills to take with me elsewhere in the future so that’s pretty cool too. It can be stressful at times don’t get me wrong and I may have many homicidal thoughts that I would obviously never act on towards some of my coworkers at times when they drive me absolutely insane but I do enjoy being there and being part of that family/having that support. 

Now fitness/health wise. Where to start. So yeah the last few months has been spent binge eating my face off and honestly I think it started as a nice break from worrying about calories or the scale or the gym especially since my body was failing me and I felt terrible all the time and couldn’t push myself at all or I’d get one of my vertigo like migraines or overheat or just not have the physical ability to do anything so removing myself from that environment of always building frustration was probably a good thing. Well at least that’s how it started. Then the holidays hit, then work became crazy and my depression consumed me and I felt like shit to begin with so I had zero motivation to even try to meal prep or eat anything that wasn’t ordered off ubereats that was at least 5-10k calories each sitting. Plus my insomnia was the worst it’s been in years where I would stay up until 3 or 4 am each night watching Criminal Minds or Silent Witness or Dexter and wonder why I couldn’t function at all during work. So yeah, that’s how I got up to my most recent highest weight of 196lbs and seeing that number SUCKED. Was I surprised? Nope. Was I a little surprised it wasn’t higher than that? Yup lol. It wasn’t such huge blow because I knew how I had been eating/living so it’s like yeah that makes sense but still hurts none the less. So about 2 weeks ago I decided it was time (also right after when I got written up and kicked my ass back into gear in my life in general) and started just by using Norm to count my calories. My weight was all over the place and would spike from 194lbs down to 189lbs overnight, then back up to 192lbs and I was like wtf. I knew it was probably water weight fluctuations and all of that but like come on, it’s not even going in a downward trend at this point. Then a couple days in, I started working out again. That was rough. My first workout back I did 3 leg exercises with what was normally my warmup weight (10lb dumbbells) and I couldn’t move for a day and a half (thankfully I was off those 2 days) and then was still excruciatingly sore for another 3 days after that. So then once I could kinda move my legs without wanting to die, I did arm day and It wasn’t nearly as bad. My strength is absolute shit but that’s to be expected when the most movement you’ve had is walking across the hall pretty much to the elevator and the few steps out the door to meet your ubereats driver then going back upstairs to be horizontal again. But this week I’ve been getting up each morning (even on my days off or later work days) at 5am and staying awake while I wait the 1.5 hours for my Vyvanse to kick in and watching youtube videos to gently wake up/stay awake, then I’ll have my green supplement drink thing and take my vitamins and prep my work meals/snacks for the day and get ready, then head down to the gym by like 8am, work out for up to an hour depending on time/energy levels, then shower and get ready and leave at 9am to get to work by 9:30am and sit in the parking lot and do my makeup instead of how I used to spend my mornings aka wake up late, take Vyvanse too late, suffer through barely being able to function while getting ready and not making meals and having to buy food that was never healthy then end up rushing there and panicking while trying to put makeup on while doing 90mph on the highway and having the shame of arriving like 30 minutes late AGAIN and having to face my boss/coworkers. Much better start to the day I must say lol. I’m feeling a lot more like me again too which is a nice change from being a shell of a human fighting just to survive another hour let alone another day. So I’ve been on point with my food for the last like almost 2 weeks and my weight is still all over the place and I'm like what the actual fuck. Then I’m like super drained and have no strength, overheat from just picking up a weight, am exhausted to the point where one day after a harder but not actually hard workout I literally HAD to lay down because I was so drained at like 2pm and couldn’t physically move the rest of the day, one day I was so bloated it was beyond painful and I had no idea why since I ate the same things I have been and never had any reaction to and it was so much worse than when I ate 10k calories of all the gluten and dairy in the form of sonic shakes/mcdonalds meals/etc, and I'm just like what the actual fuck is going on body??? Then out of nowhere I'm like wait... are those... no it couldn’t be.... CRAMPS???? then out of nowhere it began and I'm like woah woah woah I get stabbed in the stomach once every 3 months so this doesn’t happen wtf is going on? Then I'm like oh I did wait a month too long in between the last rounds so that's probably it. So that’s a thing and it’s fucking rude since now I need to go get supplies since I threw all mine out since I thought I didn't have to deal with this anymore. ugh. Oh and get this. I finally got my lab results back from my blood test at the lyme doctor. Turns out I have another new co infection of lyme that I now have to deal with and treat. Super excited for that. NOT. I was texting my person and I was like “guess who has a new co infection for her lyme that’s already tried to kill her and then ruin her life many times?” and he goes “oh of course you do because why would you ever be allowed to get better?” and I'm like oh I'm so glad someone understands me lol because that was my reaction when I found out. I’m like oh of course I do, why wouldn’t I? *insert eye roll but laughing to cover how I'm really feeling about it*. So yeah now I have to figure all of that out so that should be fun. At least now I have health insurance lol. 

Okay last thing because I need to start my day since it’s already almost 9am and I'm still in bed. I went home for a week before Christmas since I wasn’t able to go home for actual Christmas and got to visit with family/friends. Everyone kept saying how much happier I seem and they could just feel how much happier I was since I moved and I'm like yup that is 100% correct. I got to spend time with dad’s side of the fam which was a lot of fun and reconnected with my sister for a much needed vent session on her part since it’s hard being 16 when you act like you’re 20 maturity wise and everyone else acts like they’re 16 and it’s countless amounts of drama and boys suck and girls suck and everyone sucks and college is looming and it’s a lot to deal with at once. So that was really nice to be able to sit down and be that big sister that she deserves and needs. I also went out to dinner with wifey and her family and re met her new man (since I was there for the brief moment when they first met then moved 2 days later lol) and had a blast. I really like him for her and think they're a great match and he’s gunna be around for a while if not forever and I’m a okay with that because he treats her like a queen and he is the male version of her to a scary point haha. Wifey was like attached to me the whole time I was there and it was so nice feeling so special and needed by her and the center of her attention for once. She wasn’t even drunk and was like almost crying when she realized that I flew home and made sure I was home for her birthday and how we’ve been friends for 15 years and never missed a birthday and god that meant so much to me I can’t even begin to put it into words. I was sad that was the only time I was going to be able to see her even though I made sure I kept Friday night open because it was her birthday weekend and this is her we’re talking about here but she didn’t seem to have any plans for it. Then her roomie pulled me aside and told me about a surprise party that her and the bf were planning for her so I was like ah that makes much more sense. So the day of I helped distract her via text and then went over and helped set up and brought booze because duh. The funny part was she was on the phone on speaker with the bf as I’m in the room with him helping him set up things and wasn’t allowed to make a sound so she wasn’t like wtf why are you two together???? That would not look good at all lol. Then she texted me saying how she and the roomie were going to go to his place to pregame then maybe out to a restaurant they love with a group of people so I'm like yes let’s do it. So I go over and give her her presents which were a big hit. A Friends show coffee table book that has a recap or whatever on every single episode (which was a big hit since it’s that show and it’s her but also because they went to a friends trivia night thing and she was saying how she wished she had something like that beforehand to brush up on things. That’s the wifey sixth sense kicking in haha), a cat calendar for her desk at work, fuzzy unicorn socks, and a couple other things since it was her birthday/Christmas present. She was like blown away at how in sync we were still despite not seeing each other for 6 months and life being crazy/not being able to talk as much. Then we finally go over to his place where we had set up the party room thing in his apartment building (same one an old friend lived in years ago where I pretty much lived so that was weird going back to to say the least) and she has NO idea at this point and I’m like this is amazing because normally she’d have figured it out weeks before now. As we’re walking into the party room to “meet up with him and his friends since they were having a drink over there” there's a glass two sided fireplace and she goes “wait... is that my sister??” and we’re like no, just keep going but she figured it out. She stops and goes wait, is this a surprise party....? And I'm like “just keep walking and smile” and we opened the curtains and it was indeed a surprise party. She was shocked and so happy and it made my heart melt to see her so happy. Then I was introduced to everyone as her “best friend/wife who moved to Nashville but flew back because in 15 years I’d never missed a birthday and not even all those miles between us would make me miss one” over and over again and it was so cute. It was like all of those years up putting up with some things that drove me insane that she did and all the times I was there for her but didn’t feel like I got that back from her was all worth it and she finally saw how good of a friend I really was to her all those years. Like she knew but I don't think she fully realized until that night and I just died in the best way that night. 

One last thing - so one of my big bucket list things is to see a Luke concert in Nashville. Has been for over 10 years since I found him and then visited here. Well for Christmas my stepfather normally gives me tickets to a show and wasn't sure which one I wanted so was like just let me know and we’ll make something happen. So flash forward to a week ago, Luke announced his next album and his next tour. Now the last like few years I've checked and it hasn’t said Nashville and same with a few other big country people I love (FGL, Cole, etc) so I wasn’t holding my breath. Then as I’m scanning the list, I see it. It’s there. July 30th. Nissan Stadium. So I spaz out and text my mother the link to where to get the tickets and which show and say THIS ONE. So I text wifey freaking out because of it happening at all but also that could be our yearly Luke show and I wouldn’t wanna experience that with anyone else. So she’s like yes omg but remind me when it gets to like June and I'll see what I can do to get us tickets or whatever and I'm like okay.... Then I'm like fuck it I'm going to at least get us 2 tickets just in case her connection doesn’t work out or something or she can’t come because of work or whatever. Like nothing crazy just something good enough so that if she gets us better ones, that’s great, if not, at least I'm guaranteed to be there and see him. Then I find out there's a pre sale for his fan club people so I join for $40 for the year because duh. Then the day of the pre sale I’m like texting my mom freaking because the tickets are going fast. The pit was sold out in under 10 minutes so she’s like okay I'll send you money and you go buy them . I’m like okay got it. So I'm looking and I'm like oh there’s a VIP package, what's that? (go big or go home right?). It includes a 2 song acoustic set before the concert with only other VIP people so a smallish group and then a free copy of his CD, a free t shirt or something, and I'm like I want that. How much is it? So the pit tickets I wasn’t able to get were like $250 each I think but these were like $335 so I'm like #yolo #treatyoself and bought those. Well where are my seats you ask? Oh I don't know just on the floor THREE ROWS FROM CENTER STAGE. Needless to say I was a wreck while purchasing the tickets until I got my confirmation and then spazzed out and felt like it was all a dream once I got them. It’s still not real. Like I think like it’s hit me 1% now and will go from 1 to 100% the moment I step into the arena. So now I have 6 months to get my body looking the best it can because I refuse to go into a bucket list thing in a body i’m not proud of and worrying about how I'll look in the pictures since they’ll be around forever and I just want to go enjoy and not worry about feeling fat or whatever in any way shape or form. Plus I'm doing all the hair growth treatments from now until then to make my hair long again before then because it’s so much more me and I feel so much better with long hair. I refuse to let a single physical thing about me take away from the experience and yes I know that's an issue I need to work out with my brain but I don't have time for that before the concert. Plus this was exactly the kick in the ass/ goal I needed to get back on track and start taking care of myself again so hey I'm not mad. It doesn’t matter what the motivation as long as it works right? So yeah I'm counting down the seconds until that day and I refuse to let my food cravings get in the way of me feeling my best that day or anything else for that matter and I'm going to have another night I'll never forget. GOD I”M SO EXCITED I CAN”T EVEN. 

Okay that’s it. I’m done and need to start my day. There’s more that I may or may not get to at some point soon but yeah. that's been my life the last few months. Still not sure on what my path in life is and still not fully settled here but it’s getting there and I know I’m on my way to fully building a life here that I love and makes me feel alive and like my true self and I can’t fucking wait.