#i screamed for 50 years but hes GOOD gosh DARN IT

[artnerd1123]

*softly* scream about the spooder son... bls...

Hfjdjskks took me a minute to get to this but yell heah I can—

Heckin!!! Ruffy!!! He’s the spooder son and he’s v good!!! Loves to knit and read and snuggle!!! He deserves much more love and Im gonna partly blame the lack of it for the fact that his entire existence is technically a spoiler. Yea that’s right!!! This spider boi whom we cherish??? He’s a spoiler. I mean. I already spilled the beans way early, but like. Still. He pops up RIGHT in the middle of spoiler territory, so I can’t quite spend as much time with em as I’d like due to story circumstances gettin... wiggly.

Still!!! I love him nonetheless. Did u know he’s kind of a miracle familiar? Without getting into too much also spoiler stuff, Journ almost didn’t have enough magic to make the dude. And he’s missin magic chunks cuz of it. Poor dude can’t heal right n has a wonky arm n no real mouth. But!!! It doesn’t bother him for the most part! And when it does, his frens n his knitting skills are there to help out. He taught himself to write, and his originator can understand his clicking sounds jus fine. He’s also, like, the king of charades. Anyways yeah he’s knit himself socks to keep his feet safe, and he likes to knit soft things bc... soft textures... good. And making things also good!!! It makes him super happy, and he loves showing off his latest pieces n jus knitting the day away. Oh, and he loves to be in small spaces as well!!! They feel comforting! Small spaces and a bit of weight on em help a lot. Hence he gets himself a lil nook in/behind the bookshelf, and Journ buys him a weighted blanket.

Yea,,, spooder has,,, many needs,,, but he gets em met as best he’s able! And he’s jus. A big ol sweetheart. He’s v v v shy around strangers at first, but once he’s warmed up??? Dude, he’s a cuddlebug. A massive cuddlebug. He loves hugs and being patted and jus. Sitting near people. He likes them in general. While he doesn’t really like being the center of attention for, like, a whole room??? He does enjoy spending time around em, and being in crowds. He’s normally v quiet unless he’s around ppl he’s familiar with tho. Then he’s quite chatty. Chatty happy lil dude who wants to tell ppl all the things!!! Especially abt his interests!!!!!! Knitting n spiders are his two big ones. He could chatter abt em for hours, and he’ll never get bored learning abt em.

I jus. He’s so wholesome I love him

[hoteldiscontent]

A (Not So) Quiet Place

It’s been over an hour and half since you were brought into the showroom, and still nothing has happened. People have been wandering around talking to each other, and it’s been a really chill time, nobody seems to mind it being behind time, it must take a while to set this stuff up after all, they’ll get to it when they get to it. 

Suddenly lights overhead flicker on, and come to life illuminating the figures on the stage, alongside lights behind them, shining out over everyone so as to not blind the audience. Despite your best efforts the lights are too bright for anyone to actually really see who they are, how anyone could work in those conditions is beyond you, but it just gives you that much more respect for the people who run this hotel, nothing but the best, including their employees! Basically all you can see are their silhouettes, which is an interesting way to start a show. They must be wearing sunglasses or something. The vague outline of their clothing is distinct enough past all the lights on them, they’re wearing what seems like a uniform of some sort, what with the lapels sharp and up, alongside what look like buttons on the shoulders, and hats shaped to be worthy of the best of bellhops.

Suddenly the music kicks up, and all the people begin to dance, they all dance in synch, to each other and to the music. It’s an elaborate performance, one where people jump over each other, and reach up and throw each other into the air, catching them before they hit the ground. It’s breathtaking in a way, it’s all so efficient, so fun, so well performed, they must’ve practiced this for years. If only you could see a bit better, as soon as that thought crosses through your mind, the lights dim a bit as though they’re following your command, and you begin to see the people.

They’re wearing red, and they all seem to be enjoying themselves, some are smiling, some are focused on the task, everything seems alright, until a loud ‘SNAP’ echoes throughout the room, during a rather dangerous stunt where one of the people is thrown from one group of people to the other. The person who was thrown is safely caught, but their head is drooping as they get up and continue with the dance, as though nothing is wrong.

Nobody takes note of it at first, thinking it’s just part of the show, until some of you takes a closer look… none of the people on stage look quite right, their skin is a bit paler than normal, and their expressions haven’t changed at all since they were first shown. One among your number, the timid seeming Junichi, speaks up in object horror.

TW; Body Horror, Description of Corpses, Defiling the Dead.

"Oh god, they're... those aren't. They're dead," he says, sounding understandably mortified. His face is nearly as pale as the figures up on stage, and for once his words are clear. "Those are bodies."

True enough the moment that’s said the people on stage snap to the left, faster than expected, and another few Snaps echo throughout the showroom. Causing the heads of the bodies to go limp as they continue on with the show, and some people to fold in on themselves almost completely, and yet they continue their routine like a couple of lifeless dolls, and the general upbeat music continues to play. One body falls to the floor completely, and the other bodies just continue dancing on over it.

As the light dims a bit more, it’s clearly visible that these people have at least been dead for several days, their skin is disgusting, and their facial expressions are unnatural. If you look close enough, you can see strings, attached to several different appendages, leading up into the rafters. And finally the entire spectacle begins to unravel. Up top, are what seem to be a bunch of 2 to 3 foot rabbits dressed in Bellhop uniforms scurrying around up top, manipulating the bodies down below. They do so with efficiency, none of them are running into each other, none of them are in each other’s way, it’s surprising how well they’re doing…. And how many there are. You can’t even begin to count how many rabbits are ub there, what with them all running around in the rafters, but you’re sure that there are at least over 50. It’s overwhelming.

Screams erupt from the more temperamental people in the audience, some people run to the exit to try and escape, to no avail, others start cradling their legs, some aren’t taking it serious, the reactions are all varied, up until the smell starts to waft towards the seats. It smells of death and rotting flesh. That tends to catch everyone off guard, causing some people to gag, other’s to lose their lunch, and almost everyone to recoil in disgust.

Suddenly the speakers come on, with some bad backlash, the shrill noise creaking loudly assaulting everyone’s ears, after the noise fades, a voice comes over it. It sounds snobbish, and eccentric.

“I hope you’re enjoying the show my lovelies, for you’ll be dealing with this kinda stuff on the daily, in your visit here! Death is commonplace here in the domain of the one and only Sir Syrup!”

And with that, the bodies being forced to dance slowly move out of the way, and come to a stop, being forced to stand in place while something small and Honey, who you remember from earlier, make their way through the crowd… and it’s suddenly like reality doesn’t make sense anymore. Standing at the edge of the stage is a red and black checker-patterned stuffed animal, you can’t really tell what kind of animal it is, but he sure looks dapper! He’s wearing a white and red top hat, and carrying a solid black cane.

“Is that a Pangolin?” Someone supplies from the crowd, kinda confused sounding.

Honey makes herself known again with a cheery voice, “Yep! Though not only is he a pangolin, he’s also our lovely host, Sir Syrup! Say ‘Hi’ everyone!”

“Actually, scratch that greeting, I’d be a horrible host if I didn’t explain to you what all these theatrics are about.” A ghastly grin forms across his pudgy robotic face, almost going up to where his face ends. “I’d like to invite you to your own personal hell! That reunion you were supposed to have, well consider that taken over. From here on out you’re my guests in this wonderful hotel! And as my guests, you deserve nothing less than the best we have to offer!”

He raises his cane into the sky, and the bodies start rumbling for a brief, second before shooting off in an arc like an explosion had sent them flying. “Now, listen up, and listen good, when I said this place will be your personal hell, I meant it! From here on out, you’ll be put through trial after trial, and I mean that literally, as well as figuratively.” He puts his cane back down on the ground and cackles evilly. “You will not be able to leave this island for the rest of your foreseeable futures, any attempt to do so, will end up in execution. These little fellas are everywhere, so don’t get any ideas about being unseen, that’s practically impossible here.”

Before anyone can speak up or ask a question, as several people were about to do, Sir Syrup slams the bottom of his cane into the ground causing everyone to quiet down. “Leave all questions until the end of the show, please! I’d hate to have to make an example of one of you, but don’t think I won’t!” Ever the pangolin of subtly, his claps his hands together and all of the Mocha’s snap to attention, causing all of the bodies suspended in air to drop to the floor with loud THUMPS. Each and every single one of them, hold up their paws, which are now sporting a spiffy set of claws. “Also don’t think about attacking me either, you won’t like the results.”

With a maniacal grin, confident that his point had been made, he continues with his speech. “It is possible to leave this place, but there’s only one method to do so, and I’m quite sure you’ll all hate it. You must disrupt the peace, and make sure that nobody knows you did the deed. Or in layman’s terms, kill someone and get away with it. It’s that simple! After someone kills, a period of investigation will take place, and then a trial of your peers will be held. If by the end, nobody knows who the killer is, they get to leave, and everyone else is executed, while if they are found the opposite rings true. I know I rushed through the rules, but I’m so gosh darn excited to get this murder train rolling!”

He holds his hands up and leans forward to look at everyone, his red eye glowing menacingly. “That being said, I’ll release you to your rooms, and the rest of the hotel that’s open. Make sure to go find your own personal room keys in your rooms, that double as rule books, chatrooms, maps, and cameras, called the Syrup Tabs! Honey will guide you each to your rooms, should you ask her. With all that out of the way, this seminar is over, questions are now welcome, but you can each only ask one, I’m a busy guy, so make it quick!”

[thelapismoon]

MCSM S2 E4 Commentary

Wow I have forgotten what this episode even was about. *whispers* I actually never finished watching a playthrough so I guess I'll see some knew stuff. Heh. I'm scared. I managed to get changed, get my food, update my tumblr, and this thing is only 55% complete. HOW LONG IS THIS EPISODE? 

Quite funny that I've already said this much stuff and the episode hasn't even completed downloading. I wonder who actually ever reads this? Sorry about not writing my commentary for the last episode. I just didn't want to stop the episode every three seconds to write. Speaking of that, I might just paused every ten minutes to write. Huh. Thank god it's at 83%. I'm worried. This soundtrack, oml. It's finally done downloading. See you on the other side. Is Radar the narrator now? Admin, Admin, let me like you. I want more Warden interactions. Oh look at this awful frame rate- that's my fault Wait I forgot that I gave in and became a guard. Nurm, I love you. Warden didn't deserve to die. This lighting tho. 10/10. Radar, if you're trying to make me feel bad, it's not working. Nurmie-hurmie, I could never leave you behind, dear. Please don't hurt Xara, telltale. That facial expression. NGHHH FEELS. *singing* Holy shiet. Radar you better be careful because I won't hesitate. Nurm can I hug you? I feel like if that was actual minecraft logic, that jump would've killed us. ITS H I M I love this music, reminds me of some old western but.. dorky. Baby zombie. Tag urself, I'm Xara. NURM. Don't cry.. Let me wipe the tears away, you poor soul. Nghh Jack and Nurm are a perfect couple. If something happens to EITHER of them, I'm gonna throw some hands. You sure that isn't just a carpet..? I haven't played minecraft in like three years so.. Poor Xara. Wtf is wrong with you guys?! Um... NO I DO CARE!! Can I lay down next to you? Well.. Bye? OH NO I SUCK AT FIGHTING. Oh my gosh, this is the first time I survived in one try. Yees. R A D A R. I swear to Persson... Hm. NGHHHH I'm only going to do this because if I don't, Nurm is gonna cry. And I refuse to let. Nurm. Cry. Argh. You're all ungrateful swines. Who is that? Hm. I want to draw her. OH shoot my iPad is at 5% power. "1 night in Fred's house"? That sounds extremely CONVENIENT. Hello, Binta. You look... Nice. *cough* Everyone here seems.. Off. Oh hi Kent. Bye Kent. Gonna just... Slowly walk away. Lapis blue..? *cackles because you must know by now* Wow, good job, Jesse. You just ruined the moment. Can't wait for that to be a running gag no one will stop talking about for two weeks. *sigh* I can't stop thinking about Star Wars right now... Ngh.. F o c u s. Wow I'm actually really proud of this. Oh look, I won. Well now I feel bad. Me and my darn feelings.. WAIT THEY WERE PRETTY CAN I- Argh. I don't like these people. <<nothing much until the Ivor fight because there wasn't much to say>> Doodle doodle doo everything is nice and calm POTION. NGHHHH!!! Oh shiet I don't have a sword. I have a feeling I know who it is <<well of course I do>> Welp, honey, If you gotta kill me, at least I'll know my favorite character of all time did it to me. Hope this stains your conscious, Ivor. Ivor, my love, you're back! <<me the first time I saw him, YES. OH MY GOD. YES. YES!!! HES BACK! HES BACK! ARGHHHH! HES BACK! AHAAAA!>> My sweet alchemist, let me hug you on behalf of my friend and just because I love you so very much. I totally wasn't writing fanfiction about you two hours ago :,)) AGHHH. Ivor, can I just hug you for the rest of eternity? Oh my god I think I'm going to start crying. He looks... Slightly off... CAN YOU HEAR THAT? THOSE CHORDS!!! Those are IVOR'S theme. ACK I love him. Oh wait yeh, ninja, I have questions... Shiet, Ivor. You punched a forest worth of trees? Add that to my scar-headcanon-list. I can't believe they made Ivor the karate kid When his voice gets really deep and husky oh my lord... You know who I'm thinking of.. *looks at you Zoe* Can I hug you? Sweet old man I love you. Harper? Where IS Harper? *hack* where is Soren also? Mmmmm I'm getting all these good vibes now I gotta drop some stuff in the Ivor askbox once I'm done. Darn I wanted the old order to come back :( If Ivor.. shows some type of question of authority towards the admin... Oh my.. "Disappear", hm? Wait.. Okay Ivor's voice ;v; What if Ivor actually killed Jesse? I'd like to read a fic about THAT. Ivor is whispering, I can hug him, he's being witty! everything I could ever want is happening. Ivor's voice lines are my Christmas present. I love you, Ivor. Oh my gosh he looks so short next to Petra. NO DONT GO. Actually. Wait. DO go, If the admin suspects anything of you or even dares to TOUCH you, I will lose my god dang  m i n d Ivor Ivor Ivor. Farewell, my beloved... Okay I'm sorry you all had to see that. I thought I had hallucinated ninja Ivor at first tbh. Well now what? I don't even really wanna play after that.. Argh, I gotta finish this or else I won't be able to play the new episode tomorrow. Stay strong, Lapis. Weren't these two people based off of the great British baking show hosts? I love that show. And now I'm craving cake. Ugh I don't wanna fight in there, don't you know that I suck at fighting? Argh. I wanna read some fic now. Horrifying, hm? I know exactly what I'm gonna do... Okay well that was definitely PG-13 We're gonna forget that ever happened. Heh. *coughs* Hmm.. I'm gonna choose "please don't hit me". RADAR! PUT A SHIRT ON! You're a CHild! Well I just deleted all of the commentary after this so.. *insert distant screeching* Ooo Radar's feet I feel mildly bad about that.. LEVEL SIX HUNDRED?! Boy I don't have TIME for that! Wait WHAT?! Sweet J E S U S. AAA WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!! *panicked screaming* Aaaaaand now I'm dead. Darn. Okay... Oh my gosh that golemn death scene! I smell some foreshadowing.. Romeo.. Death by water? I should keep my mouth shut. That was sick, man. There's MORE?! That's it, I want this to END. Wow that attention to detail.. Me and my darn Romeo-loving-heart. There has to be SOME type of redemption. They could do so much with him... Tbh my friends think I'm crazy because of how I like Romeo but ARGH I like villains, okay?! "Just kids" just started playing INSIDE THE CABIN and now I wanna flip onto Romeo's bed and cry. NGHHH MY FEELS!!!!!!!!!! The music just synced up perfectly. *sigh* I relate to Petra too much.. I want to burst out crying now, this hit too close to home! Petra has never been my favorite character but I can relate to her on a spiritual level. Man I came to have a good time and now I'm feeling personally attacked. AND THIS SAD MUSIC ISN'T HELPING Potato451? Hmm Potato backwards is Otatop. Top? Ota.. Obsidian? Top? The top? Top of the world? The sky? I'm probably taking this way too outta context. OUCH. ma feels. ... Just kids. IS SHE CRYING?! OH MY GOD CAN I ALSO CRY???? Wait this is changing my story? Oh god what have I done? <<later>> Hello, Xara, darling. What exactly did she "repair"? Have a bed, forget my hypocrisy. Wait.. where did she go? FIGHTING argh. Wow I'm alive. Hey Jack. Oh yeh I was gonna go back and save his eye. ..can I do that? I hope that wouldn't corrupt my save file. Okay.. Oh no radar or Fred's people? Radar... I'll see you on the other side. I have a bad feeling about leaving him. But it's his time to shine, and I won't take it from him. The order's temple.. WHO DARES GIVE ME THESE F E E L S?! Nurm just jumped into Jack's arms, everything is going swell- *sees Beacontown* Oh fuuuuu WAIT NO DONT YOU DARE CUT OFF RIGHT NOW!!! Oh my gosh it's Jack's lament. 50% 50% on the scavenger deal, hm. 51% won? That contest was easy. 32% promised to stay with Petra 50% on giving Xara her bed 51% took Fred's friends MMM JACK YOUR BEAUTIFUL VOICE. I listen to that song everyday. LUKAS NOOOOOOO N O NOPE NOOOOOOOOOO LUKASSSSSSSSSSS ARGHHHHHGHHHHHHG I'm lucky that the next episode comes out in 22 hours, wow I'm late. Toodle loo until tomorrow, dears!

[supercultshow]

Hello Supercult West! This is Supercult South Bad Movie Professor Cameron Coker (BS in “Bigfoot Pitter Patter” with a minor in “Friendly Fire”) and I’m reaching out to you from across the country to help hype tonight’s screening of SyFy and Asylum films’ Bigfoot!

Did you know that there are over 200 films and Television shows about Bigfoot? There’s Bigfoot vs Zombies (2016), Son of Bigfoot (2017), and even The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot (2019) just to name a few. I say ‘over 200’ because that’s just the stuff that has Bigfoot literally in the name. if you start counting things about Yeti’s like Snowbeast (1977) or Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon (2008), movies about Sasquatch like Sasquatch Hunters (2005), or things with ambiguous names like Exists (2014), or Harry and the Hendersons (1987), or the numerous pieces of media that mention or dedicate a scene to a bigfoot like Strange Wilderness (2008) or the gosh darn Goofy Movie (1995) the number must be well in the thousands.

Aim for bigfoot! Avoid hitting the monument! I mean…if you have to hit one of them go for Roosevelt, I guess, but we’d prefer you not.

“What is this, a hootenanny?”

How dare you get all the best lines!

Oh, but he’s back! He’s the man behind the mask! And he’s out of control!

Did you know that Bruce Davison directed this? It’s one of his only director credits which include 3 episodes of Harry and the Hendersons!

Flanel: The official textile of lumberjacks and ironically, environmentalists.

If you wanted to see a big CG monster throw cop cars at helicopters, you came to the right bad movie party!

It makes sense, seeing as how Bigfoot folklore dates back to before the invention of film, but it doesn’t seem to explain why almost all of the Bigfoot media in the world is Supercult worthy. I’m telling you that we could fuel this movie watching party for decades just on hilariously awful movies about abominable hairy beasts. It’s a shame we’ve chosen to narrow the field to a humble double feature tonight, but if you’re looking for cheesy Bigfoot flicks it’s hard to go wrong with the made-for-tv 2012 action/adventure/comedy Bigfoot.

Bigfoot was co-produced by the Syfy channel that brought us stunningly bad monster films like Dinocroc vs Supergator, Lavalantula, and Piranhaconda which was produced by Roger Corman of all people, and The Asylum, an American indie film company that specializes in “mockbusters”, low-budget films that cash-in on the productions of major studios. Classic examples include Snakes on a Train, Atlantic Rim, and Transmorphers. Syfy and The Asylum have partnered for several films. If you’ve seen a ridiculous monster film with the word ‘Shark’ in the title, it’s probably from them.

You would be forgiven for believing that everything about Bigfoot is phoned in. The dialogue and acting are subpar, the environmental message is ham-fisted at best and patronizing at worst, and the visual effects are par for the course of any Syfy or Asylum film, which is to say they are laughable. The 50-foot, deafeningly loud sasquatch seems infinitely capable of sneaking up behind people in the woods, computer generated outhouses ‘crush’ screaming extras, and every scene of the beast snatching a bystander is accompanied by a TV-14 rated off-screen squelching sound effect. But I prefer to see this film as a paid vacation for the people involved. Say what you want about the quality of the film and the script (and don’t worry, we will), but everyone is definitely having a good time.

It’s not as if the people involved are unskilled. Most are veteran TV actors from shows like the Brady Bunch, That 70s Show, and WKRP in Cincinnati. Everyone is perfectly capable of acting well, delivering snappy one-liners, and generally being believable human being on screen. It’s just that the story, which barely amounts to a series of strung-together fur-fueled fight scenes, has the emotional range of bloodcurdling scream and Alice Cooper guitar riff. Alice Cooper himself shows up to get punted into oblivion by the CG menace.

Bigfoot has a 13% audience rating on Rotten Tomatoes. One IMDB reviewer wrote, “I’m not quite sure what happened. This atrocity came on and next thing I knew, I was drooling on myself and had crapped my pants.” But that just begs the question, what did they expect!? No one on set or in the audience is in the dark on what this film is all about. It’s a silly TV time waster for teenagers to ignore while feeling each other up on the couch.  It’s an opportunity for 60-year-old veteran actors to get paid and chew up the scenery. It’s yet another ridiculous addition the already long list of ridiculous Bigfoot films in the world.

It’s also the best damn Bigfoot movie you’ll ever see that ends with a fist fight on Mount Rushmore. And that’s a Supercult guarantee!

Supercult West is proud to present, Bigfoot!

Bigfoot Hello Supercult West! This is Supercult South Bad Movie Professor Cameron Coker (BS in “Bigfoot Pitter Patter” with a minor in “Friendly Fire”) and I’m reaching out to you from across the country to help hype tonight’s screening of SyFy and Asylum films’ Bigfoot!

[theareya]

even numbers for the gaming asks!

Okay, its been 1000 years since I posted this gaming ask. But here are the answers!!!! I put most under the read more…

2. First game you played?The first game I ever played ever, in thehistory of forever, was Super Mario Bros. at my babysitter’s house, if mymemory serves me correctly

4. Longest consecutive hours you’ve played agame?Ohkay, let’s see. Without eating or bathing,but I did get up briefly to bathroom and drink water, I finished uncharted 1,2, and 3 consecutively in 120 hrs. Needless to say, I never did that again, asthe blood vessels in my eyes popped, I ate two bigmacs after, and my parentsyelled at me. Otherwise, without moving or tending to most of my basic bodilyneeds, 10 hours max as of late.

6. An underrated game from within the last fewyears?I don’t know, I’m probably biased and neverreally look online to see how the game was rated/how it’s doing. Oh! But! Ireally liked Battleborn, which was basically a game that came out like a littlebefore Overwatch? Or near the same time, actually. You also fight in teamsagainst one another with unique character abilities to obtain certainobjectives. Honestly, it is extremely well done and detailed, but very muchfalls in Overwatch’s shadow possibly due to similarity and budget D:  8. The game with the best atmosphere/scenery?I’m biased. I love Bioshock. But I also am ahuge fan of those apocalyptic, dystopia aesthetics. So, essentially, anythingalong the lines of bioshock, Fallout, and Last of us.

10. Prefer PC or console?I’ve always played on console. And I’m so bad atPC. You would think it’s a bit easier to aim a cursor to shoot at something,but I’m particularly bad at that.

12. Most bizarre game you’ve ever played?Most games are pretty… bizarre. Most of theactual weird ones I’ve only seen online on those “top ten weirdest video games”but maybe Katamari? There are definitely weirder ones… The Nightmare Within wasalso… strange. I don’t actually know what counts as bizarre anymore in thegaming world. Shrek party…

14. Do you watch playthroughs online?Sometimes, yes! If I know I am never going toget the game. For example, an xbox exclusive (I do not have an xbox) or if Ialready played the game and want to see others suffer, lmao. Or if I like thestreamer.

16. The best year in gaming you’ve experienced?… I don’t remember. I’m going to say 2011.

18. Worst game you’ve played?There are probably worse games, but I’ll go withthe most recent one I’ve played, which was Bound by Flame. It was kind of thisunfortunate mix of—attempt at—Dark Souls, Dragon Age, and other medieval games.Some parts of the gameplay were unnecessarily hard for kicks, with no way toovercome the boss aside from chipping away at the health by throwing a rock atit, while your single dead companion lay sprawled in the middle of the fieldten seconds into the fight. And of the one and a half romance options pergender you were allowed, none of them were very enticing. Spoiler** I overcamethe end fight by purchasing 10,000 potions to fight the dragon. I made itthrough just fine, only after using 600 potions. Strategy was little help, butheyo I made it through. 20. Favorite publisher and/or developer?…Sony? I don’t know… I’m terrible at thesequestions.

22. If you could turn one game into movie, whichwould it be?You know I don’t know, since any game thatturns into a movie makes me want to cry bitter tears of hate. I’m looking atresident evil specifically. But if I could turn Bioshock into a really goodmovie with the proper actors/actresses, storyline, extras, atmosphere, then …yeah.

24. Ever cried because of a video game? Whichone(s)?…Too many. Nothing gets me more invested andemotional than a videogame. I guess the only one that has made me actually cryvisible tears is Journey. The ending overwhelmed me in an inexplicable way.

26. How often do you play online? Co-op?Relatively often now, especially withOverwatch, and the fact that a lot of my friends have Overwatch as well. So,like, every other day, if not daily. Otherwise, I love co-oping with a friend mostlybecause the AI that they give to work with you tends to … suck butts. Lookingat Resident Evil… again.

28. Who got YOU into gaming?My babysitter. Haahaa. I used to hang out ather house all the time and I’d watch her play all sorts of games. She’s alsothe one who gifted me my purple game boy color :’D30. On average, how long does it take you in thecharacter creation screen?Could be up to an hour. But at least 30minutes. It depends on if I know what I want.

32. Do you cosplay?I do! But I’ve actually only cosplayed animethings. Most of the video game stuff I would like to cosplay is too hard and/orI wouldn’t do it justice. Also I’ve been parts of group cosplays generally, sowe gotta find a good match.

34. Favorite male npc?For some unknown reason, the only personpopping into my head right now is erandur, the dark elf companion, from skyrim.Like… he’s not my favorite npc, but…my mind is drawing a complete blank. And isjust repeating that name over and over in my head. Oh boy

36. Best antagonist?Albert Wesker. …Spoiler??** Look… if you gottathrow him in a volcano to get rid of him after 200 tries of “just survive longenough” fights, he’s pretty good to me. Please let him die.  

38. Have you tried a game, hated it, then triedagain, and loved it?N….no? There are some games where I getfrustrated, then invite a friend to play, who is extremely over-leveled, andthen they help me… live. Does that count?40. Favorite voice actor?Okay, I love Troy Baker. How can one person beso gosh darn versatile?? For anyone who doesn’t know (I doubt that) He voicesJoel from TLOU, Booker from Bioshock, Sam Drake from Uncharted, to name theones that pop into my head. And he does like a million other voices, and sings,and is just very excellent overall. 

42. A game you will never forget (in a bad ORgood way)?Resident Evil 5 in the respect that I justplayed it during a very happy time in my life with one of my friends. And itwas also when I learned that I really love co-op, as well it was a supertreasured bonding time with that friend. We legit screamed so obnoxiouslythroughout the whole thing, apologized profusely, yelled for help. Like thatgame brought out our full range of emotion while playing.

44. Do graphics matter?Not necessarily. They add a nice kick, butthere are quite a few games I can think of where the gameplay and story aremore prominent. Storyline is generally always the main thing I look for first.Storyline and characters. 46. Always, sometimes, or never use subtitles?ALWAYS. Even for NPCs. Like the setting thatsays “ALL SUBTITLES” one of the reasons is because it alerts me to enemiessometimes too as they whisper in the distance. Which is the closest thing to awarning from jump scares that I’m going to get.

48. A game you’ve always wanted to play but havenever gotten to it?Um. I’ve actually been pretty aggressive ingetting my grubby hands on the games that I want. EXCEPT. Nearly everythingthat came out after Kingdom Hearts: Chain of memories?? Like 2.3, 2.4, 2.5, 5 ½,365/3 days  idk there were too many?? AndI basically had almost every console except the PSP so I just kind of gave up??

50. How many games do you own?…uh… too many?? At least 200 if you total allof them from the dawn of my first game boy color.52. A game you will always stand behind, andsupport no matter what?..Fable. OKAY So, even though the game, alongwith the game company crashed and burned, I really loved that first game??Along with The Lost Chapters. I essentially based the experiences I had withFable 2, 3, Journey on how good the first game was. If I were to make someoneplay it now, they would probably think it’s pretty dumb, but I thought it was acleverly made game…54. A sequel you really want?… lmao Fable. AND/OR The Wolf Among us, becausethat’s been sitting there for far too long.56. Do you tell people irl that you play videogames?Yeah. If it comes up in the conversation. Or if…they have merchandise that I want.

58. Ever have someone walk in on a sex scenebetween you and you LI?N…o…60. The game you are best at?I know Bioshock inside and out… I don’t knowwhy I’ve played it so much, it’s a very linear game, but wuh. Also weirdly, I’mvery good at Sonic Adventure 2 Battle. And the only reason I’m obnoxiously goodat that game is because of the Chaos. I love those ridiculous little things andwould do anything to make sure they’re happy and healthy. And in order to dothat I had to play each stage multiple times to get the right power-ups andanimals to feed the Chaos…. There was a whole garden. And god.

62. Would you want to work with video games whenyou are older?I feel like if I start working with it I’llstart disliking it very much, unless I literally work as a tester… that getspaid a decent amount. Like seriously, walk in, sit down, play for… hours uponhours. Otherwise, I do not have the creativity or skill. lmao.

64. Describe your favorite video game using onlythree words?Underwater death city.

66. Game with the yummiest looking food?Final Fantasy XV. Okay, so I haven’t finishedthe game. I’m really not even that far into it, like… at all. I just saw thefood and got hungry. It’s so realistic and pretty.  

68. An older game that you’ve just recentlygotten into?I guess… Fallout New Vegas was pretty old, butthen my friend bought it for me on sale, and I tried it out and it was supergood??? And now I’m really into the Fallout series.

70. Do you play any mobile games?I.. play Fire Emblem Heroes, and a variety ofother mobile games like.. Notice me Senpai, Zen Koi, Mystic Messenger, uhhh…whatever is recommended sometimes. .

72. Have any guilty pleasure games?Not really. I’m pretty prideful in every game Iplay, including my otome games.74. Which game has the best lore?…Once…. Again, BIOSHOCK. Idk there are just somany little things in the city that you can find that point to the history ofthe residents, and what happened to them. There are those audio messages and littlesecrets that everybody has in the city, leading to its fall. I just love it somuch. Skyrim is a close second, to be fair. It’s more immersive and I canroleplay more on there.

[pafsins2]

Everything Wrong And RIGHT With Phineas and Ferb Save Summer

SINS:

1.No special opening,all you get is a dumb logo.

2.”Summer is great” song #127

3.Discount Carmeldansen is back.

4.There's so much racism in these visuals

5.The soundtrack version leaves in the dialogue.

6.”A visual metaphor for the carefree days of summer..” Metaphors work better when you don't explain them.

7.Jay Leno comes in to get like 3 scenes and do be that memorable.

8.”Cauplet Bar Mitzvah” Ha Ha.

9.”I've got a good feeling about this” Never say that. Ever.

10.”Hatfield Wedding Reception” again, haw.

11.Doof says it's the LOVEMUFFIN service awards, but the banner says Disservice Awards.

12.And now he calls it that, why did he get confused before?

13.”What are the odds” Very high for the sake of a contrived coincidence.

14.There's a lot of “losing deposit” jokes in this show, weird.

15.Linda points out why Candace's freak out is dumb.

16. Also, ironic that a big SpiderMan fan is afraid of spiders.

17.Monogram is fired a freaking Deposit rather than the huge mess that was made by a big fight.

18.He's right, no reason to tear off the mustache.

19.And Carl still isn't getting paid!

20.The animal sounds kind of take away from the moment. In a funny way but still.

21.Haw Haw, Teens don't know VCR's.

22.They are jamming out with weird glasses thingys on and you don't that suspicious at all?

23.Insert Inconceivable Joke here.

24.Also, obvious padding is obvious.

25.We never see the possibly adorable Young Stacy.

26.An Awards show and a graduation happened in the morning? Those things would usually be in the evening, but anything to still have a normal Doof plot, sort of.

27.See, Doof wouldn't have to move the sun if he still had the back to the store inator. Curse you perry the platypus!

28.Also, moving the moon didn't work, so why would moving the sun work any better?

29.Oh, forgot to sin Doof's lame pun.

30.”We are rocking this place!” you are all idiots.

31.Because everyone wanted an Irving song....Actually, the sin is that I wanted one.

32.Yeesh, Irving's mom is pretty overprotective.

33.”Banjo playing hicks should be avoided” says Wander.

34.Doesn't checking the atmosphere sound like one of those boring things from Phineas and Ferb Interrupted.

35.Didn't Buford have tooth brushing on his routine back in Bully Bust?

36.”Duck is confused with the other duck” cliche

37.You think Monogram would tell his son he's been fired.

38.This moment with Carl is nice but the development for him pretty much stops after this.

39.Carl is now a great leader because Monty said they need one. Sure why not.

40.How does playing dead help at all?

41.Jeremy, that is not how you lead in to “clean the bathroom”

42.The diary in the grilled cheese cream  must be insane.

43.Why was Candace allowed into a 1st grade spelling be?

44.Why didn't you ask the boys about getting a unicorn? She doesn't know how busy they are yet.

45.The town that doesn't care about a giant rollercoaster or treehouse robots freaks out over brisk weather.

46. Can they not buy new sweaters?

47.Eh, I've seen worse reasons to attack a politician.

48.Perry is a dick to Roger by putting him on a building.

49.”You're large intestines wrapped around a tree' ...That's dark for a family show.

50. Dr Bloodpudding, yes that's his name, deserved more of a personality than...being Bananas for Cabanas.

51.”All of my inators work, it's that I don't use them properly” Finally, they point that out. They usually just say they don't work.

52.'So to you a building settling sounds like someone inhaling sharply” Even Rodney is good at sins.

53.Spiders are not insects.

54.Wait, Rodney heard him mentioning Carl and he didn''t do anything? And Monty could not have been loud enough for him to hear that.

55.They just let Stacy stick her hand in a spider cage? Especially with what happens.

56.Stacy is now a butt monkey.

57.'My fear of spiders got stacy bitten...but saved me!” Wow, what a dick.

58.How did he get those people here?

59.Netflix splits this up into two parts even though it always airs, in the US, as one big episode and they didn't do this for SBTY.

60.Discount West Side Story.

(Not too many other sins in the rest of the song cuz it's that good, so moving on)

61.We did a earth blowing up fakeout before but okay.

62.”And Roll Credits!” First of all, that's my job,and 2nd, no one said the title!

63.Wait, did Dr Bringdown have that weird monster hand thing before?

64.”You're fall is ruining summer' Maybe you're summer is ruining fall, ever think of that? Man, where's S'Fall when you need it?

65.Senor Killbot is probably racist.

66.”We don;t want to leave anyone out “ There's a Tumblr Joke in there...

67.Doesn't Doof hate pretzels?

68.”-will bring about a new Ice Age” Come on, we've already had 5 of thoses! ...Wait...

69.Doof was able to use a simple inator to move the Sun and the boys use this overly complex machine. Just saying, I think their roles are reverse.

70.”Going to the bad guy despite being outnumbered” cliché

71.”I'm not crazy about this new grilled cheese flavor”. Well, you are lactose interolant. Although maybe the cheese cancels out the lice cream part...

72.One of the world leaders is a dolphin. Okay then.

73.There's so many jokes to make about Obama being in this...

74.So the whole reason bad things happen for the rest of the special...is that Obama screwed up. ...You're making it way too easy!

75.Also, weren't Pretzels one of Doof's ideas that you hate?

76.Buford's line here is amazing but...he's not really yelling that much.

77.Of course the thing they need is where the spiders are.

78.”Someone screams so loud that it's heard in distances where they shouldn't hear it”cliche. Yes, this is common, they even did it in Cheer up Candace

79.”August” Whoa whoa, months are going by during all this?. This raises so many questions..

80.Yet another villain Doof teams up with turns out to be more evil and thus Doof doesn't care for him now.

81.So this has been going on for awhile, and no one;s tried to stop him? Not the Army, or anything like that? I can forgive Monogram since he got in a funk at least..

82.”They have a cave troll/' ...You're not in a cave.

83.Thanks for that image of Stacy.

84.Just wanna point out that this is a Disney product where they have to stop an everlasting Winter. This was a year after...that other one.

85.”Remember when you helped us rescue Klimpaloon” No, because this aired before that one. Gosh darn it Disney.

86.”Or when you climbed on the motor of a baguette boat after I gave you a similar pep talk” Again, don't point you are rehashing something.

87.”I don't even remember what I was afraid of” “Spiders” Wow, Phineas is a dick/idiot

88.”This is the same brawl we had earlier” I could tell by the recycled animated. How I do know it's reused? Rodney pops up in this brawl even though he's supposed to with Doof.

89.”Oh look, a horse in a bookcase” Don't tease me, I'm still not over his cancellation.

90.Candace can not be so stupid as so to confuse a fat rabbit with a slow turtle

91.You know, I am not sure all the stuff about moving the earth is 100 percent scientifically accurate...

92.Hey, doesn't Rodney have a son? I wonder how he feels about all....this.

93.The way they OWCA back is just...so dumb. Funny but...dumb.

94.But even by this logic, how does Monogram have the power to fire his superior?

95.They sure got rid of their winter clothes quickly.

96.I want a “blow up earth setting' on my editing software.

97.Also, Dance Party Ending.

98.And we end this big special...with more Irving. And that earth  blowing up joke again

EPISODE SIN TALLY: 98

SENTENCE: Your sinew's torn apart by a grizzly (Your large intestines wrapped around a tree...)

….Well, even for a special that was...a lot of sins, more than SBTY, Mission Marvel, and both parts of Where's Perry combined? That's really odd, given it's problem aren't really small things or even certain scenes like with MM for example. I do sometimes stretch for a sin, did I do that more with this? Ah well, I stand by most of them so the count is fair.

Let's look at the wins.

WINS:

1.I like the other “Summer” songs more but this one is still pretty good. I especially love the build up.

2.I also like the outfits, one of which involves a big Doctor Who Gag!

3.I also like the acknowledgment of Summer only being in the Northern Hemisphere at the moment.

4.I also also like the “I Love Sweden' sign during the  Welcome to Toyko Callback. Nice.

5.I like that we get started right away. No lead in to the big idea, we start with the song, and Perry is off. It works because there's a lot to set up, so no point in wasting time.

6.I don't remember, do people like Jay Leno? Eh, he has his moments in this, when he gets them. Also , Colonel Contraction is a funny name.

7.The “Capulet” and Hatfield thing is rather clever.

8.Doof's jeans rant is great, especially Norm's reaction

9.Reveal of where Carl is from!

10.Seeing the agents fight the LOVEMUFIN guys is pretty awesome.

11.I like how the incident that makes Monogram lose his job isn't his fault. The agents just got a bit heated. He even tried to calm them down. Makes it so you do feel bad for him when he is fired, instead of possibly siding with Jay Leno

12.The Candace plot seems slightly pointless, but it works in it's own right, as we'll see later.

13.I like that it's over the Security Despot. It's meant to be a joke, but he even mentions that he would usual forgive this due to Monogram's service to OWCA, but this is just unforgivable, and in the context of this world, it kind of make sense. It's small but important.

14.Monogram is fired but does he whine, complain, or anything like that? Nope, he takes it with dignity and knows he must step down. It's shown as a joke with the animals chiming in, which is funny, but it's somehow still a great moment for his character.

15.Candace stepping into the big idea without knowing it is funny.

16. Padding it may be, a subplot with Wallace Shawn is always a win.

17.5 Year old Candace is freaking adorable.

18.This is a solid set up for her plot.

19.Overly complicated doof plot's are always fun.

20.Irving's big solo is hilarious. The extended version is even better.

21.Buford's little joke here is funny. Not the best Buford moment in the special but we'll get to it.

22.”You have full sized molds of all us” Nevermind, this is the weirdest/funniest callback ever.

23.Monty appearing without Vanessa for the first time!

24.Carl's pigeon typing reading skills.

25.This moment between Monty and Carl is great. Especially after them not getting along too well in the past, at least at the start of their previous adventure.

26. “Hey monty? Thanks” D'aww.

27.Monogram at Slushy Burger is hilarious.

28.Now Monogram's exist is just plain funny

29.As is the reveal as to what Jeremy wanted him to do.

30.It's small but I like that Candace basically a big idea, inventing an ice cream flavor, all on her own.

31.Rainbow is best Unicorn.

32.I do love how Danville freaks out so much over brisk weather. I don't know, easily freaked out citizens is funny to me.

33.I like how Roger does at least seem to attempt to help. He may be a jerk but he's not n awful mayor, meaning he's far from the worst politician ever. Insert you know who joke here.

34.The “Bananas for Cabanas” guy is named Dr Bloodpudding. BEST NAME EVER.

35.”We can make it a musical number” I like this guy.

36. Doof gets a win for an inator working and being useful for evil, even if it goes too far.

37.Dr Diminutive gets my vote for funniest LOVEMUFFIN member besides Doof with bits like this one.

38.”I'm expressing how I feel, through music.” Now that's funny.

39.The conflict is a very solid one, with Summer being in jerprody. And every part works, from how Doof starts it, to how Monogram being fired gives LOVEMUFFIN room to step in and be dangerous.

40.I love this song. West Side Story homages are always a win but this gets a point for having LOVEMUFFIN be so...competent!

41.Buford's Demonstration is great.

42.Dr Bringdown is funny

43.Senior Killbot is great.

44.Fun Fat: In the Spanish dub,he speaks English, which is a nice touch.

45.Gotta love LOVEMUFFIN's logo.

46.I like Rodney as a more serious villain, it kind of fits him honestly.

47.I find it neat that people like Irving's performance.

48.Carl trying out his “Good Morning Agent P”

49.Reaching out globally!

50.I want to know more about that Dolphin.

“This must be a special episode, he's yelling at his sister again” ….+5

56.Going into August does show that this situation is more dire, with how it gets colder over a period of time, so it works.

57.This Doof/Monogram scene is great. It effectively gets Monogram out of his funk, and is a good moment.

58.I just gotta seeing Monty in action again is pretty cool.

59.This is where Candace's arc comes together. It's simple but effective thanks to a neat Phineas speech.

60.Diminutive's height actually helps him out!

61. Facing your fear!

62.This is a pretty exciting climax, with how everything comes together.

63.Candace saves the day!

64.Even in defeat, Rodney has to mock Doof, rather than whine or anything like that.

65.As I said, the way they get OWCA back is funny. And I like how they get rid of Jay Leno.

66.Monogram can grow a mustache. That's...amazing.

67.And we end on that neat opening song again.

68.And the great Buford movie joke!

69.And in the credits, more of the Irving song!

EPISODE WIN TALLY: 69 (…)

REWARD: Grilled Cheese Ice Cream

Well, that's the highest win tally so far! Not too hard given this is a recent thing, but that's more than Mission Marvel. This did have more small good things since it's that kind of special.  This may not have the extreme highs of certain specials, but it's still great in it's own way.

So yeah, this was plenty of fun. I really do wonder how our other specials will far, guess we'll see. In the meantime, tune in next week for old timey stuff, picnics, and 3 creepy tales. See ya then.

[theveganliciousrunner]

Brazos Bend 100

Event date: 12/09/2017

Oh geez, how do I start? I guess a good place is to answer the question - Why? Why would I want to put my body through this for the 2nd time? It’s so painful, the course is so flat, recovery takes a long time, it’s not the cheapest thrill out there, etc. But before I get into the why ... I’ll describe the experience first while the pain is still super fresh.

At packet pick up. Gotta love serendipity after looking at Charles’ shirt.

RACE DAY

After a solid 6 hour sleep (with the help of melatonin), I woke up at 2:30am, in disbelief, and asked out loud, “What the eff am I doing here?!”

Charles and Phil looked at me, then at each other as if to say “Oh boy, it’s going to be a loooooong day.”

In a strange mix of matter-of-fact and dream state, I ate breakfast, taped my feet and dressed for a cold weather run like I would for a winter 50k back home. The biggest difference being that my friends were getting ready with me. Charles was my crew chief and Phil would pace me for the last 2 loops (out of 6), over a 50k distance.

Rocking my derelique fashion sense. Photo courtesy of Phil.

We all agreed it was best to get to the start line early. It was so cold that all the cars at the Best Western parking lot were wrapped in ice sheets. Phil quipped that it was like looking at sparkly teenage vampires. While I cracked up, good ol’ Charles was watering down the car and Phil tried to blow smoke rings.

When we got to the park, all the other cars there were running, blasting heat inside and exhaust into the air. Then, with 10 minutes to go, we walked to the start. I was very happy I brought the long jacket so I could stay warm once I took off.

The brain is funny. It was only once I started running that I finally accepted the hard fact that I was here to push my body to finish a 100 mile distance. So I made the best of it. I marveled at the few runners who weren’t wearing much. I saw shorts/singlet combos and three ladies wearing tutus as their warmest covering. Although they weren’t elites, I’m sure they were moving much faster than I would be and therefore, generating much more heat.

Around mile 2-3, I caught up to a guy pulling a 22-pound tire around his waist. What? His name is Steven Monte and we shared about 25 miles. Since Dallas is flat, the best way for runners to train for mountains is to pull a tire. He started training with a tire for Cruel Jewel 100. Then, since Brazos Bend 100 is so flat, he wondered if he could finish it with the tire. Side note, he also does this race without any support, just to make things as hard as possible. 

Here’s a link to training with tires, just in case anyone is interested: https://ultrarunning.com/featured/lugging-along-the-benefits-of-tire-pulling/

The first quarter of the race was super fun because we swapped stories and I learned about other crazy, crazy races around the country that he’s done. I also got to enjoy his local celebrity status as every 5th person made a comment on the tire (a handful were original) and every 10th person wanted a picture or high-five. The energy and inspiration surrounding Steven and his tire was infectious. By mid-2nd loop, I started getting nervous about my pace, so I waved good-bye to Steven and picked it up.

Above is one of Phil’s shots.

Below is the only picture I took during the entire race because I had to stop, take off my pack, and pull out my phone to snap it. It’s an American Alligator.

Brazos Bend has the challenge of having a super flat course going in the same direction six times. Just after 2 loops, I started imagining the Sri Chinmoy Self-Transcendence 3100 mile footrace in NYC which goes around one city block. But even that race allows runners to alternate the directions of their loops. I’m not whining though.

On the 3rd loop, I made a new trail friend, Austin, who was running his first 50 miler. I was running my own race now and Austin kept up. We had to split because he wanted to stop and greet his family at an intersection near the start/finish. He caught up with me an hour later and we chatted some more, but once his race neared the end, he was able to surge forward and finish as my proverbial tires began falling off the cart. Despite this, the 3rd loop was my best loop overall, because it was mostly daylight, my brain was still working, and I generally felt strong enough to keep up a decent pace.

THE SECOND HALF

Sigh. What can I say about starting my next 50 miles? I would start in the dark, I was tired, I was behind my planned pace. I forgot to ask Charles for my music. The ramen served during the race was not vegan although I was told it would be. Nowhere on the website said that I could have a pacer during this 4th loop although at packet pickup, it was announced that I could’ve had a pacer at the 4th loop. I’m not whining though.

In the middle of my pity party, a lovely lady came alongside me named Gabriela Martinez from San Jose, CA. I knew Gabriela from North Face 2015 when I gave her a ride to the shuttles and also when she completed 75 miles at Headlands while injured earlier this year. She is such a strong runner, I was surprised to see her. She needed to spend 30 minutes at the medical tent to get her foot taken care of from the aftermath of Achilles surgery. What? Note: She does not have pacers or crew for her races.

Gabriela was a godsend. She talked my ear off and I loved every minute of it. My brain and body were shutting down and it was wonderful to learn about her extraordinary life as I could not find the wherewithal to run ... at all. Gabriela was so encouraging and she even set our power hiking speed. Nearing the end of our loop together, I was so out of it, that I was convinced she and I had accidentally cut the course because we were talking so much. It took Gabriela, a couple of volunteers and my calculator to assure me that we followed the course correctly. Lordy!

After that brutal loop, we finally, FINALLY got back to the start/finish where my beautiful angel friends were waiting for me although Charles was breaking down himself. He normally has a high tolerance for cold, but he was not prepared for this weather. As crew, this meant that he’s been exposed in the cold all day without reprieve, just waiting to take care of me for a few minutes after I completed each loop. What’s harder? Running 100 miles or taking care of your friends, being in charge of dozens of details while staying up for 30+ hours? That’s a tossup.

Charles and Phil walked me to the bathroom so I could do my business, change to dry tops, switch out my headlamp and add another layer. When I came out, they told me that I had eaten up all my spare time during loop 4 and that I had to boogie if I was to make the 7am cutoff.  Alrighty then. I had not planned on chasing cutoffs, but here we were.

Bless Phil. He had no idea what he was dealing with. This was going to be our first time “running” together and all he knew was that during loop 4, I was sending nonsensical texts and that I took much longer than I should have. He started his job with a bitch faced f-bomber with a bum knee. Phil truly saw the real me during these loops. 

Thank god Phil was there to pull me through. I loved that I could shut my brain down completely while I listened to his happy chatter and followed his fresh feet. Following him still took a lot of effort so I wasn’t talking much (I think) as I focused all my energy on moving forward and keeping him in sight. 

Aside from screaming because I thought I saw a rat close to my hand while I was peeing behind a bench (it was just cobwebs mixed with fatigue), there isn’t much to report on loop 5. I do remember that Phil said we were ahead of cutoff by 30 minutes and we passed a lot of people. That made me happy but I wanted more cushion. That made him happy because he knew he wouldn’t have to do any brain surgery on me to keep me going. 

When we finished loop 5, Charles wasn’t there. It was unexpected but completely understood. When Charles crewed me at Javelina, he was able to rent a tent and sleep a little so he would have enough energy to pace me the final 10 miles. For Brazos Bend, there is nowhere to sleep unless you have a trailer. Even in the car, you can’t sleep if you’re constantly turning the engine on and off. So Charles, desperate for some rest and to warm up, left for the hotel. 

He only missed us by 30 minutes ... bless him as he still tried to catch us. But all went well as cool-headed Phil, in a matter of seconds, was able to find what Charles had pre-prepared: hydration pack, coffee and music. Then we skedaddled on that last gosh darned loop 6.

Below is the picture Phil could take before his phone died at loop 6

My body doesn’t want to ingest calories in the wee hours of the morning. It wants to sleep. So when I do eat something after 2am, it gets confused and wants to eject what I’m consuming. Combine that with the bouncing, I feel nauseous. As my brain was turned off, I asked Phil if I had to eat or drink at all as I had started to belch constantly. I think I belched for the whole 50k we spent together. 

This is how awesome Phil is. Even though we were under the gun, he kindly explained I have to eat and drink, but I shouldn’t run at the same time. That’s a recipe for disaster. So sacrifices need to be made. I can eat, drink and walk, then he’d encourage me to run again once a few minutes had passed. I also don’t believe Phil ever let up on the pace, even as he was getting super tired himself and that he had to factor in my cranky right knee.

As we neared the end, I was still nervous. I was nervous because I REALLY wanted to walk to the finish but there was not enough cushion for that. And then we both looked up and there were no flags at the intersection. WTF. There were no signs as well. I was indignant. They couldn’t even wait for us to finish?? They had to sweep the flags and signs??  And I felt so stupid because after 5 loops, I should remember the way back home, but I didn’t recognize this intersection. OMG, I was going to DNF with less than 2 miles left!!!

Phil, who kept his cool, backtracked. I obediently followed and saw the familiar bridge, which we had missed. Oops. We might have lost 10 minutes from that detour, but it was enough to get me going faster than I wanted to. 

Phil’s phone had died pretty early on so he couldn’t call/text Charles to tell him how close we were. But then, a mile away from the finish, we saw them ... the beautiful faces of Charles and Victor. I was ecstatic to see them! They had been waiting all day for this. This was the only point where I could finally relax because neither of them were making me run. Thank goodness!

Victor took this sweet picture of me shuffling toward the arch.  I was the Dead Last Finisher (DLF) and damn proud of it!  96 finishers 101 non-finishers

Thanks to Charles for this pix of me with the sweet buckle.

Gear Shoes: Brooks Ghosts 10   Socks: Injinji Headlamp: NAU Hydration Vest: Ultimate Direction Jenny Watch: Garmin Forerunner 935 (died after 27 hours which is pretty good) Clothes: Various brands on sale

Nutrition Breakfast - Rice and beans Next 30 hours - Fluid Performance, MamaChia, beans & tortillas, pickles, pickle juice, potato chips, Oreos, Coke, Sportlegs and salt tabs, 4 cans of Starbucks Cubano double espresso coffee

Note: 7 days later, I believe the key to my fast recovery was the steady source of protein (beans & tortillas) during the race and definitely the recovery drink immediately after the race. 

THANK YOU!

Charles and Phil, if either of you ever need an organ, or the moon and stars, you know who to ask first.

The tire guy, Steven Monte. Thank you for your stories and for inspiring me to live life to the fullest like you do. I’m waiting to see you on the cover of one of these trail magazines.

Gabriela, mujer, thank you for staying with me even though you could’ve left me behind. It was inspiring to eat your dust as you pulled away in that last loop. We did it!!!

Victor, always a pillar of positivity and class-act sportsmanship wherever you go. If I have one regret it’s that I wasn’t wearing the Victory Sportdesign cap (that I love so much) at the finish line. Thank you for being there!

Jesse Ellis of Let’s Wander Photography. I totally thought you were running!  Ha ha!  Can’t wait to see the photos and thank you so much for being out there.

Rob Goyen, thank you for this race, and thank you for waiting for all the runners to come through. You and your wife and team of volunteers are wonderful.

Coach Bob Shebest who only had 7 weeks to work with me. Your words “Don’t burn through your glycogen stores” kept ringing in my head.

Greg, always putting me back together after I do these crazy things. Love you!

THE AFTERMATH

I know it’s not inspiring but it sure was needed and it was actually pretty fun. I’m talking about how Charles took care of me the following morning. I was pretty screwed up. My bodily movements appeared halfway between stiff and cadaver. When we got to the airport, Charles thought that I should use a wheelchair. I was like “Well, I’m still walking if you can hang with this.” He promptly beelined for the wheelchair. 

It was a cool experience. While Charles stood in line at Starbucks, I played with rolling around in it and it was pretty easy and intuitive to maneuver. Plus, BOOM! We got to jump in front of all the lines and got the best seats on the plane. At Oakland Airport, they have employees to help get our luggage and then push us to the shuttles. I don’t know if y’all want to run 100 miles to get this treatment, but I’m just saying it was pretty awesome.

When Greg got home, he explained that the tingling I felt on the bottoms of my feet are the nerves being impinged from all the swelling. From my notes on Javelina, it took 5 days before I was able to run 2 miles. I’m hoping it’ll be the same or sooner this time.

Tree trunk legs from the swelling. No blisters though!

SO WHY?

OK ... thanks for sticking with me for this long.  

The reason I ran this race is to prepare myself for a self-supported 500 miler around the San Francisco Bay Area. 50k/day for 17-20 days. It’s called The Bay Trail. http://baytrail.org/  And the reason I want to run this is to raise the seed money for my for-purpose charity - The Animal Run (TAR). With the help of friends within the running community and my sister, I’m still setting this up and I’m hoping the website will ready by next Feb.

When will this 500 mile run (50k/day) happen?  I’m shooting for May 2018

What’s the fundraising goal? $10,000

What’s the seed money for?  To hold 1-2 races per year to fundraise for non-profits whose mission is to enhance the lives of all abused and neglected animals

When will the first TAR race be held? I’m thinking August 2018

Which charities will be the initial beneficiaries? TBD but I do have a short list

So it’s still a few months away, but please look out for my notifications about The Animal Run and donate generously if you can. Happy Holidays!

Paz y amor

Video credit: Charles Dexter Lim ... the best crew chief in the galaxy

WHAT TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME

Bring turmeric pills for the inflammation

Bring cranberry pills for the kidneys (super cranactin)

Load up on glucosamine MSM before and after the race

Wear compression socks for legs and feet on plane & @home

Ice my legs and feet down asap after the race & once I get home with a cold blanket or cold wrap kept in the fridge

TRACKING MY RECOVERY

Race ended Sunday 12/10 - Got a 1.5 hour massage 

Monday - Needed a wheelchair at the airport

Tuesday - Still in pain. Did not leave the house ... still shuffled ... able to get adjustment. Spent the day writing the race report.

Wednesday - Still limping but got another 1.5 massage (which worked wonders for my gait). Got another adjustment.

Thursday - Walked to Transamerica from BART in the morning and then walked 2 miles to meet Charles & Phil. I limped most of the day. But I was walking normally at the end of the day. No anti-inflammatories.

Friday - I’m recovered 100% except for the knee. It’s still sore when I got out of bed, but I was able to clean the house.

Saturday - Spoke to coach Bob. No running until the knee is 100%. We’ll focus on staying active with swimming, yoga, maybe biking. I might not run again for 2-3 weeks or mid-Jan at least.

10 days after the race ended, I still have not worked out. Knee is much, much better ... but the twinge is still there. Still not 100%

Finally, on 12/24, I woke up without knee pain.  Woo hoo!

My knee stayed tweaked although I was only running 1-2 miles. I took a complete break from running between Feb-March 15.

[itsworn]

40,000 Fans Weren’t Scared Of The Dark At Norwalk’s 40th Night Under Fire

Forgive us for the theft of young Newt’s line from the unforgettable film Aliens, but when more than 40,000 people show up for a one-day show (okay, it was mostly under the lights) at a well-groomed facility like Summit Motorsports Park in Norwalk, Ohio, you can pretty well assume they aren’t scared of the dark!, Down through its four decades of life the Kelly Services Night Under Fire has been referred to by numerous permutations of its real name, but it really doesn’t matter what you call it. You like Night Of Fire? That’s fine by us. Think Night On Fire is even better? Cool, use that one, because it doesn’t matter what you call it, this event is, without question, the single best one-day show in all of drag racing, and therein lies a very important point in today’s world of increasingly diverse forms of the sport.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re going an eighth of a mile, 1,000 feet, or a full quarter mile, if you’re going from Point A to Point B in a straight line from a standing start you’re drag racing, and that’s what counts with us. Yes, the NUF featured competition at all three distances, too. The reality is that there are more permutations of drag racing than ever before. We could try to list them all, but there’s no need. You know all about them, from the nitro-burning excitement of an NHRA Mello Yello Series national event to that “No Prep” bracket race at the track across town on Saturday night. Purists of one form of competition over another may never be convinced that it’s a race without Pro Mod, but for every one of them there’s someone else who believes no car should ever race on tires wider than 9-inches. It doesn’t matter, because it’s all drag racing.

What the Night Under Fire does is somehow encompass numerous forms of drag racing, bringing them all under one umbrella for a show that’s like no other, and that word “show” is all-important. Sure, there’s plenty of racing at the NUF, but it’s the show that really counts. You may believe that winning is everything, but for most of the 40,000 fans in Norwalk, the burnouts, wheels-up starts and everything else that took place between those Points A and B counted far more than the win light. And thus we come to our final point before trying (we will not succeed) to delve into all the nuances of the NUF, and that’s the fans themselves. Just as there are myriad forms of drag racing, there are fans for all of them – and they are not one and the same. The naïve among us may believe the same guy who loses his mind when John Force does a burnout in his Camaro Funny Car is the same guy who shouts himself hoarse when Ken Hall starts doing burner pops in his Jet Funny Car. Uh, no, they are not the same guy, and therein lies some of the beauty and appeal of the Night Under Fire, because there’s just enough, but not too much of, well, everything to attract fans of everything drag racing.

The diversity of those fans results in a lot of interaction that’s interesting to witness, and we’ve seen plenty of it. When the Nostalgia Drag Racing League’s Pro 7.0 category comes up to run you’ll see the more knowledgeable fans explaining what’s going on to the neophytes. You’ll also hear fans explaining to one another what a holeshot is and how the “slower” car won the race – which the announcers also did a thorough job of doing. Don’t know what a burner pop is? You’ll learn at the NUF. You’ve heard of John Force, but have never seen him? The guy sitting next to you will show you where the autograph session is (which every driver participates in). Need an event shirt? The stand’s right over there. When do the fireworks start? Just wait!

John Force continues to be the star attraction at the NUF, and, just like his 16 championships, he’s earned that position. But, while the NUF is a show, the racing is as legitimate as it gets. The Funny Cars are run Chicago-style, meaning that everyone runs the first round, with the two quickest returning to determine the winner (although everyone else runs that second round too, because this is all about the show). Force didn’t make the finale this year, but teammate Robert Hight did, facing off against former NHRA champion Cruz Pedregon. Height won going away with a very credible 3.865/321.58 to the Cruzer’s 3.927/322.84.

We could certainly list every elapsed time and speed recorded by the likes of Ron Capps, already a six-time winner in ’17 with the NAPA Dodge, Tim Wilkerson with the LRS Mustang, Jack Wyatt’s Dodge, Dale Creasy’s Jr’s. Tek-Pak Mopar and Del Worsham’s Lucas Oil Toyota, but this is about the show, not the timeslips, and the show was killer, with lots of header fire and very competitive times.

When we said the NUF has something for everyone we meant it. There was even a selection of young kids driving in three different invitational categories of Jr. Dragster. Now here’s a dose of reality: For most adults those cars don’t do much, but they are oh-so-important for drag racing’s future. When those cars began appearing in the staging lanes so did a significant number of other kids, dragging their parents along by the hand to show them the cars. Yeah, we saw a few dads blanching at the thought of yet another car in their garages, but we saw just as many smiling in anticipation of what might be.

In days gone by jet cars were often considered circus-like by hard core aficionados of the sport, but here, too, there’s been a change in attitudes. The hard core folks have come around, ‘cause with every afterburner pop and every run we saw more and more people really getting into it. The culmination was, of course, Chris Darnell’s simply awesome triple-engined “Shockwave” Peterbuilt – which bears as much resemblance to a real truck as this magazine’s editor does to, say, Brad Pitt.

Two years ago at the NUF (last year’s event was the only rainout in the event’s history) Darnell tore up the pavement behind the starting line with his afterburner pops, peeling back a 4-inch thick slab of asphalt like a ripe banana in the hands of a Minion. Management appeared less than pleased, but this time around track honcho Bill Bader, Jr. invited Darnell to blow down every building in the place on his last run. Sadly, he failed to do so, but the show he put on was memorable regardless of his inability to destroy brick and mortar buildings with a single blast.

When it comes to drag racing, pure drag racing, there’s nothing to compare to the NHRA U.S. Nationals in Indianapolis over Labor Day weekend, but by the same token, nothing compares to the Night Under Fire in Norwalk in August. It’s the kind of one-and-only that you need to experience in person to truly understand. For example, you like ice cream? Summit Motorsports Park may be the only venue in the country where you can buy a pound of small batch ice cream that comes hand-packed in a Styrofoam cup for only a buck. Yeah, just one dollar. Hate ice cream, but love fireworks? The show that caps off the evening’s activities, with boomers, starbursts, spinners and gosh-knows what they call the others going off from at least three different locations around the track is stunning. It’s a bigger show than you’re likely to find in a city of several hundred thousand inhabitants on July 4th – and we aren’t exaggerating.

But fair warning: The Night Under Fire may be habit-forming. The reason we suspect it is is because we spoke with fans from as far away as upstate New York in one direction, and Georgia in the other. All confessed to having been to the NUF for at least 10 years, and all called it the best damn one-day drag racing show they’d ever seen. We agree.

  A couple of years ago John Force dropped a few S-bombs during his pre-race interview with track manager, Bill Bader, Jr. Darned if he didn’t clean up his act this year!

Not a seat left, and pre-race festivities haven’t even begun.

The way to watch the NUF, from mom’s lap.

Every race at Norwalk opens with the display of a giant American flag, which the fans love.

A perfectly timed flyover by vintage WWII fighters crossed the starting line just as the national anthem ended. Good timing, cool planes.

Now this is how you do a patriotic burnout!

Are you an older fan? Then you know a flag starter when you see one. He sends off every pair in the ScottsRods AA/GS show.

Cars like this stunning 1933 Willys had the over-50 fans screaming for more.

The Nostalgia Drag Racing League’s Pro 7.0 field was packed with interesting cars like this Anglia.

More Pro 7.0 insanity.

You want wheelstanders? We got ‘em, including this spark-spewing pickup driven by (wait for it) 84-year-old Jim Brewer. He topped 120 MPH on two wheels.

Pro Mod cars? Yup, the NUF has ‘em.

Del Worsham’s all-black Lucas Oil Toyota ran in the threes, but didn’t make the finale.

John Force was the most popular driver on the grounds, but that didn’t help him make the finale.

Tuner Jimmy Prock (glasses, directly behind car) knew just how to attack the Summit Motorsports Park track, and thus led driver Robert Hight to the event title in three-point-eight-something seconds.

The new Queen of Diamonds, Sarah Edwards, gets ready to take off (not literally!) against the Beast From The East.

Are those people holding their ears? We can’t tell.

Chris Darnell’s jet almost defies description. The fans loved the show he put on.

A racer, who demanded anonymity, attempts bribing the tech inspector for the Jr. Dragsters. Okay, we made that up, but the dog enjoyed the evening as much as anyone with just two feet.

Nuthin’ like a jet Funny Car at night. Nuthin’!

Not an empty seat in the house.

Noise, flame and smoke. What more could any human being want?

Don’t laugh. One, or even both of these kids could grow up to be World Champions. Just ask Antron Brown or Erica Enders how that works.

Two-time IHRA World Champion Dale Creasy is a regular in the NUF. “The most fun I have all year,” he says.

Rahn Tobler was named Grand Marshall of the NUF for his 40-plus years of service to drag racing.

Defending NHRA champion Ron Capps has won six times already this year, but he couldn’t manage a seventh in Norwalk.

Cruz Pedregon’s Snap-on Toyota made the final round against Robert Hight.

Ready to fire, Force’s car is surrounded by fans.

How many autographs do you think John Force has signed during his career?

Sure, there’s a kid’s playground at Norwalk. Doesn’t every track have one?

You’d be smiling too with a pound of ice cream in your fist for just a dollar.

The brutal Bruiser Fiat, a favorite at Norwalk.

Don’t believe that smile. Seven-year-old Evan Clark of Brookpark, Ohio is not having a good time!

Best kid’s shirt at the NUF.

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