#i say this with love as as someone with adhd autism ocd and god fucking knows what else thats undiagnosed

[menlove]

if ur claiming ableism on this post i deeply need you to know you're exactly the type of person i'm talking about and you having adhd or autism doesn't make you above criticism. and i KNOW ur all white too. the fragility is painful and you are not immune to being told to grow the fuck up and in fact i'm telling u that now

you ever have situations that make you want to take people by the shoulders and go "you are not 15 any longer. this behavior is no longer quirky and cute. it is exhausting for you and everyone else to act like a teenager you haven't been in a decade or longer. knock it the fuck off"

[platonic-prompts]

God you got to love the people who are like 'well actully its a 100% still ableist" and then proceed to tell you the word you're using isn't applicable to the diagnosis at all because its a 'forensic term'

No, its fucking not, it is also a diagnosis, just not one out of the DMS-V. And to be fair, there's debate over whether or not psychopathy is part of ASPD or is a separate diagnosis. But because i doubt the person has any reading comprehension (Because the last part of the post literally talked about how we shouldnt judge people based on a diagnosis) im going to spell this out

ASPD symptoms

disregarding the law

being deceitful

acting impulsively or being incapable of planning

being irritable and aggressive

disregarding safety

being consistently irresponsible

having a lack of remorse

Psychopathy has overlap with this, yes, but autism and ADHD have overlap and they're not the same thing. Additionally ones for psychopathy

lack of empathy

arrogance

charisma

excessive vanity

lack of guilt

difficulty processing other people’s facial expressions

goal-oriented behavior

insensitivity to punishment

Also, in case you haven't noticed, a lot of these things kinda line up to hm...make them more likely to be abusive to people? Huh, its almost like thats a key feature in cluster b personality disorders. and its almost like sociopathy and psychopathy are disorders that make people outside of the person suffer. It's not like autism or ADHD or OCD or OCPD (OCPD is Obsessive-Compulsive Personality disorder and its the whole 'i need everything to be perfectly lined up' thing) where the person who has it is the one who has to deal with everything from it. There's a reason people use Eric Cartman as an example when they talk about sociopaths/psychopaths in media, because he is one. You can't just pretend that everyone who has the disorder is all sunshine and rainbows, because to even get the diagnosis in the first place you have to have a history of doing shitty things. (i believe back to age fifteen if you get it when you hit eighteen) So by nature of the diagnosis in and of itself, the person can't be the next coming of christ. (And yes, there was a post about how saying all people with ASPD have done bad things is ableist, no its a characteristic of the diagnosis.)

ALSO, the DSM is not the 'oh you need to read it' that you think it is. the DSM-V pretty much didn't change anything in its inclusion of Personality disorders, and I would know that because I just freaking read the highlights of changes document. Now, this is important for one major reason

Hare, Hart, and Harpur back in 1991 said that psychopathy is not the same as ASPD. Hare developed a separate way to diagnose someone due to this (in 2003), which is still in use. But anyway, psychopathy is a square and rectangle situation. Psychopaths have ASPD, but not all people with ASPD are psychopaths.

Now, since my father was labelled as a PSYCHOPATH, calls himself a PSYCHOPATH, and doesn't care when I call him a PSYCHOPATH, im going to continue calling him a psychopath, and a narcassist because for fucks sake people guess what, not everything is a call back to a disorder i wouldnt even know that you have unless you tell me.

No, its referring back to Narcissus, the guy that fell in love with his own reflection, because guess where the word originated from and what it means? Someone obsessed with themselves, which my dad is

[icravestrawberryflavoureddeath]

Percy jackson character and their neurodivergence:

Percy: obviously extremely ADHD. this man is the poster child for it.

Annabeth: adhd and she’s autistic. She also was a “gifted kid” but had bad burn out. People think Percy’s the autistic one, but no. It’s Annabeth. Her not masking makes people think she’s a bitch. Also OCD

Jason: dead ADHD but like, the kind that was diagnosed late in life and now he’s struggling to catch up. Also he suffers from adhd tics bc of electricity

Piper: she’s autistic. My proof? Hot girls have autism. I will not be taking criticism.

Leo: oh so adhd and autistic. That’s why him and Piper got along. They are very blunt with each other and people think it’s weird. They don’t even need to speak. I’d even say he’s a little ocd but hey.

Hazel: I strongly believe all hades kids are autistic. She gets offended when people say her autism is “acceptable” and has tried to throw hands on more than one occasion when people talked about Nicos autism and how he’s “unliveable” and “creepy”

Frank: idk man. He’s like. Normal? Idk i love him but he might have like ibs? Gotta nerf him some how. He orders for the group when someone’s anxieties too high

Nico: oh man. He is autistic through and through. Same with Annabeth, people think he’s an asshole when he’s not masking. Thanks to Will that’s changing tho. He has adhd, autism, anxiety, homosexuality, depression, Italian, ptsd. This man got nerfed

Rachel: oh she is so autistic. When her and Nico talk, people are scared they’re gonna hurt one another but it’s just vibes. It’s why her and Percy got along but she and Annabeth clashed.

Will: not actually autistic. He thought he might be bc of his friend group but he just has really bad adhd. He hyper focuses and can disappear for hours-days at some points. Lots of the autistic campers go to him bc he’s patient and gentle. Also they think he’s cute. But he can have bad anger issues bc of his dad. Thanks Apollo

Bianca: again, adhd and autism. But she got in trouble a lot so she learned to mask very early on so people would stop calling her weird. She felt bad for Nico but she couldn’t help him with it.

Calypso: she’s a god so,,, I know she doesn’t have autism or her and Leo would have worked out better. Trust me I’m an expert.

Thalia: autism love. And me and girlies know about five people just like her. She also has zero (0) impulse control. Adhd and autism. But her ADHD is stronger.

Reyna: absolutely nothing. FUCK NO. autism babes. Again, why her and Nico got along so well. Also there’s a high chance of being ace and having autism so I’m not even assuming. It’s now canon.

[anti-anti-stevinel]

What the fuck is the deal with "ankle-beez"? They seem to be the biggest Steven Universe blog around. Every other SU blog I know (even the world's only proshipper Connverse normie, picturejasper20) reblogs from them.

They're also the world's biggest hypocrite.

They make analysis posts about the real message of SU, about love and forgiveness, against revenge and that sort of stuff.

At the same time, they are a hardcore anti-shipper bully.

They sent me gore and death threats last year when I was 17, for shipping Stevinel. Said "yer a pedo kill yerself!!11" (okay, that's paraphrased).

What's wrong with Stevinel?

Is it that Steven is "a minuh and not ready for sexual relationships"? Then, why is Connie, a human fourteen-year-old in-universe, ready for sexual relationships when it's with Steven? Why is Steven ready for it with Connie?

This leads me to believe it's the stated "aGe GaP!!11". In that case, Greg/Rose, which ankle-beez likes, is child rape (he wuz twenty an she wuz twentythousand!) That's fucking stupid. Kataang and Bubbline are "child rape" too, by those standards. Stating an exaggerated number next to a supernatural, non-aging, cartoon character does not child rape make. Is Katara a "necrophile" for having kids with Aang, a so-called "hundred-and-forty-something-year-old" character? Because 140-year-old men are all known to be dead? Is everyone who's read the Bible a Child Rapist™️, because the eternal, ageless God impregnated the thirteen-year-old Virgin Mary, as part of the biblical canon leading to the birth of Our Saviour Jesus Christ?

Also, by the same fucking stupid standards they use to call Spinel an "aDulT", Steven is one too. Gems don't fucking age. They're robots. If I have a 200-year-old baby doll, it's still a baby doll. Dolls don't age. Since Steven's gemstone (and with it, Pink's/his memories) has been around for 20000 years, he is "an adult", an "elderly man".

That brings me to the next point: one cannot "ship pedophilia". I wish I could "ship" mental disorders. I wish my autism, ADHD, OCD, Tourette's, depression and paranoia were as simple as fictional "ships".

More or less, "pedo" hysteria is NOT about protecting chilluns. When a child is murdered, nobody bats an eye. When child-on-child sexual abuse occurs, the same applies. Also, when an adult is raped. It's not about healing sexually abused children, or preventing rape. When adult-on-child sexual abuse occurs, the emphasis in media is never about helping the kid. It's always about torturing and murdering the "pedo" (sexual abuser). Basically, because nobody cares when there's no "pedo" to punish, it's not about protecting children, it's about hating people with mental disorders. Apparently, because I turned 18 two days ago, I lose my human right not to be raped.

What "paedophilia" actually is, is a mental disorder characterised by a greater level of arousal towards prepubescent individuals to pubescent ones. You cannot support or oppose it - you cannot be convicted for it or commit it - it's a disorder. Something you're pretty much born with and can't change. Conflating it with rape is like conflating "schizophrenia" with serial murder. While schizophrenic individuals have a higher murder risk compared to the general population, nobody ever says "commit schizophrenia" when talking about murder.

Fandom discourse is not a PhD. You cannot diagnose me with a disorder from the DSM-5 for writing the wrong fanfiction. You cannot convict me of a crime for it, either.

The most common anti argument that fanfic/hentai/whatever "encourages pedophilia". You cannot encourage a disorder. I will not magically sprout mental illness from reading fanfic. If you mean it ""encourages child rape"", if I were to rape someone, I could not blame reading a fanfic. Rape is caused by far deeper issues than having read a stupid fanfic.

Rick/Morty is canon in the multiverse, and Morty is a fictional teenager (who wishes incest porn had more mainstream appeal) with Rick, his equally fictional grandfather. So, who is raped by this? Nobody. Again, if you rape someone, you can't say Rick x Morty incest fanfic made you do it.

ALL ships are fine. Even stupid shit like Rick/Morty. Stevinel, though, isn't even of that kind. It's literally no worse than Bubbline, Kataang and Gregrose, all of which are canon to their shows.

So, what is it? "She """tried""" to kill him"? Strange. When Steven lets his shield down, Spinel could just blow him to fucking bits with that city-sized, injector-smashing fist of hers. She doesn't. SU's definition of "try" means "stop yourself". "Try" suggests someone else has to stop you with force, and that didn't happen, in which case, Steven "tried" to kill Greg in Mr. Universe, White (and with her, every Gem) in Homeworld Bound, and Connie in Buddle Buddies and every episode where he gets Connie into fights, and, and EVERYONE in Laser Light Cannon, Little Graduation and I am My Monster. He also "actually murdered" Jasper in Fragments by the standards (mind you, shattering isn't lethal and the Diamonds did nothing wrong).

Anti-shippers have implanted this stupid idea that non-aging things age as humans into my head. The idea is there to virtue-signal against MUH EBIL PEEDOUGHS. Now, I have paranoid thoughts about being a child rapist when I cuddle naked with a pillow that's been manufactured one year ago. Pillows don't age. But, in antis' heads, they do.

Why am I supposed to think of Spinel as an elderly woman? The character who is shorter, less mature and higher-pitched than Steven, sobs like a baby, plays peekaboo and gets adopted at the end of the movie?

It just disturbs me, honestly, how anklebeez can understand the show's message against violence and for healing, while literally murdering real children (and adults) for the rights of fictional ones, by bullying into suicide.

Why are they so popular? Anyway, I accidentally got carried away and wrote a masterpost when I meant for a quick ask. Hope you appreciate it.

Also, what determines whether a cartoon character is okay to "sexualise" or not?

Stated number? Then I can draw a stickman with a dick, then write the number 15 next to him, then you're a Child Rapist™️ for having looked at the image?

Height? Then is why is R34 of Madeline from Celeste, Sans and Amethyst, okay, when it's not okay for Steven and Hat Kid?

The word "kid"? Then, kill any teenager with a crush on a cartoon of Kid Cudi, I guess?

Don't harass ankle-beez. It's not worth it. Revenge is pointless. Never, though, have I been so confused by someone's self-contradictions.

Seriously.

Wow, this is huge, I didn’t know they allowed asks to get this long now, lol.

Um, but no comment on all of this since it’s just a rant, lol. But I don’t disagree.

[pricklyest]

What other people think of you afaik: incredibly smart, rude, slutty, bossy, amazing/annoying doggo, not a partier, “really into identity politics,” stylish, skilled communicator, OCD, funny and fun to banter with.

another numbered list! also bless you for sending me what other people think of me too, that’s like. so good and wonderful and everything about how you answered these is exactly what I was asking for. 10/10 on this homework assignment.

you’re right and you should say it

Good

Also Good

not surprising tbh

who the hell thinks echo is annoying? I will Fight them

kind of true but also kind of not? people don’t really invite me to parties

this one made me really Uncomfortable to read bc in some ways I am guilty of being overly into identity politics but also in some ways people saying that is just a reaction to things not being About Them anymore and anyway. I am. trying to just focus on the part where this is a valid critique but also if you’re in a position to ever I’d love for you to find out/tell me more about what whomever meant when they said that bc there are So Many things that could mean that it’s kind of. impossible to genuinely engage w it.

thank god somebody recognizes it. I do have a distinctive style and it is better than everybody else’s. (I am definitely being hyperbolic in that last bit, in case anyone fails to pick up on that, there are lots of people who have style equal to or greater than my own (I mean like have you ever Seen carter, they are, without a doubt, the best at clothes out of everyone I have ever met))

I have worked so fucking hard for this skill and it is so very validating to hear that people think I’m good at it. being an autism is like. communication is so hard and everyone is so much better at it than I am and I have to work so much harder to be anywhere near the same level as neurotypical people, and just. it’s so validating and reassuring to hear that someone thinks I’m actually Good at it. 

[venn diagram showcasing the overlap of ADHD, autism, and OCD and the center is estlin.]

you’re right and you should say it pt iii

[herecomesnaya]

oh my gout.... i clapped my hand over my mouth. one of my fav authors is autism and adhd (MJAYBE) and ocd and depression/anxiety LIKE ME!?+ (crying emoji) (crying emoji) (crying emoji) (hands clapping) (the vegetable that looks like a penus) that's so cool! what the fuck!!! i could bite a chunk out of my table right now (but i'll settle on shutting the fridge's door ten times and drink seven gulps of my water instead and worry about anoning correctly hahahahah FU) sorry this is just. really

this is so cool. and you work at the same time and you write fics regularly and talk to strangers online? you're insane. not like that UH but, like. in the good way, you know? like cool? wow. im sutnned. i'm 21 you're evne.... wht. i was also just checked for personality disorder and possible bipolar etc at the hospital. if you need advice on autismming and adhding and that jazz i'll gladly send you some links or smth? or info? adivce? if i have them... somewhere. i'm professional autism everyda

yyyeaah, i *tips chin* actually had a depressive psychosis and rolling eyes to the ceiling for 6 months, and between that 2 out, then 3 after that in confinement of-sort. not to brag or anything ;). it's taken me lots of time to recover and i'm studying again, was out for two years when it happened, but. trust me, all that jazz, that rodeo-- takes time. you have to learn yourself all over again. you have to learn how to human your way. and think back on all you knew, and reconstruct. build.

there's a quote i'd like you to know. it goes like this, ''it is no measure of health to be functional in a profoundly sick society.'' by jiddu krishnamurti, i think

AS WELL AS!!!! ''true positivity is not the absence of negativity, but to deal with the negative in a positive way.'' i think that's how the quote goes, but i'm not sure.... idk who said it.... maybe someone whispered in nmy ear in the walmart.. eyah

i just Want You To Know that this is seriously so fucking cool.... that you're genetically enhanced yet disadvantaged hybrid cyborg daddaya.... WROW. it's really made my day. and you write so amazing. now i know WHY *slams hand on table*. it's night, tedchnically. but honestly, now my goal as a villain will be scissoring with a colleague of choice on every rich man's bed in gotham city,

either way! im heading to bed but, i just wanted to say, really say, i hope i haven't freaked you out or anythong, but i really wanna wish you luck. i really believe in you. this is really cool. sounds so fucking cheesy but.. we love dick che... ok. bedtime. but seriously. i really admire what you do and how you hold up. all that. just keep on keeping on. thank you for being you and doing what you do! =)

awww, thanks so much for all this, anon! I will admit, it’s been a struggle sometimes (especially since this genetic disorder o’ mine has disabled me physically, along with the Fun Mental Stuff), but I’m determined to make things work despite my limitations! I like to say God knew I was too powerful on my own, so had to nerf me... if I was able-bodied and neurotypical, it’d be over for these bitches

I’m definitely in the “reconstruct/rebuild” part of my life, lol. I spent all of my late teens and most of my early 20s in a job that I thought I was gonna stay at for my whole life, and then my disability happened, and now I’m self-employed and trying to balance my health and my ability to make money (since the government won’t help me in any measurable way) ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

it’s definitely difficult! not being able to do as much as I used to physically, and being held back by mental health issues, is pretty annoying (and that’s not even getting into all the stuff outside of my control, like politics and family matters and whatnot). I wanna talk to people online and write tons of fic and do a lot of work, and just generally be a functional person! but I’m definitely gonna remember those quotes of yours, lmao, they’re a real mood

but either way, I’m glad there are people out there that enjoy the stuff I do put out, and that I can be some kind of an inspiration just by doing what I can do right now! hopefully things will get even better in the future. it’s the roaring 20s, right?? time to spread our wings and get things on track!

so thanks for writing, and thanks to you and everyone else who’s sticking with me during this time! I know I don’t interact or update quite as often as I used to when I first started out, but every message I get and every like button y’all click or whatever really helps. truly. I just hope I can continue to grow and give you all even better content in the future!!

[themeed]

well i managed to crawl out for a month but uh. last night was a big trigger fest.

went to my friends with another friend. they complimented me on my weight loss and said it was obvious i had lost a shitton. (which. like 20 pounds, yeah, i... guess thats a lot but its not Enough).

other friend struggled w ed in middle school. their mom made some Comments recently and now they're uncomfy and they asked about weight loss. friend we were visiting said they could stand to lose maybe 15 or 20 pounds if they wanted, but they certainly dont qualify as fat.

which. is the same amount as they congratulated me on.

we all compared body types and fat content. comments on our thighs and stomachs and backs and chests.

and i am now. wearing my comfort hoodie. watching youtbe. dissociating. ive had 630 calories today because i know i cant restrict super hard so fast. i smiled this morning after skipping dinner and waking up hungry, that lovely hunger that aches but doesn't hurt. you know you could eat but you're not Hungry hungry even if you can feel your empty stomach. its... a good feeling.

im gonna have a sandwich and some ice cream for my second and final meal for the day and itll probably be some... 430 cal, ending around 1060 for the day.

gods. i want to go to sleep. i want to lie down and waste away.

on the way home a song from my mental loop playlist came on. then one from a self harm perspective. my friend and i listened to an anxiety vent playlist. scream sang the whole way. it didnt help. made it worse?

maybe.

im not doing so hot. im worried about my job status too. and rent and my dads birthday.

i think im gonna go pass out. this totally counts as my journal for the new List Of Organization.

i pasted it on my freezer fridge door.

ive made progress recently, in terms of philosophy and uncovering and understanding my issues. responsibility and suicidal thoughts and attachment issues and how much im hurting and have been hurt and dissociation as a coping mechanism for mental and emotional abuse and then as an anxiety mechanism too. and to cope with school and the boredom and not being able to do what i want and the lack of freedom.

i dont know if ill ever get to the point where i uncover why i hate not being free in my own definition. like thats such a core part of who i am and i am terrified of that being rooted in abuse. if i dont value freedom who am i? but also... i think ive always valued freedom. i think how i approach it has changed. when i was small i didnt care about the opinions of others and their actions or anything. but here i am now caring a Lot. and part of that is... in later elementary, from then on, peoples opinions and words started precluding actions that infringed on my routines and worldview. and then it scaled into full on abuse by my mother. words started mattering a whole FUCKING lot, and actions as well. words had to be careful, actions could be covered up with the right motive and words. a tool for power and put downs. and i hated it and feared it.

and when i started fearing others, noticed how i wasnt free to Be anymore... i started panicking and dissociating and i couldnt handle NOT being me so i stopped.

i stopped being me because i couldnt stand to see me destroyed or warped or killed by the spirits of envy and hatred all around me.

that makes it sound so poetic, but i was scared and it was terrible and awful and scary. and i cant say i regret it because im still not me.

ill never be the same me again. im not even fully me of now.

freedom is. so important to me. it sucks that that was put in jeopardy. that a singular sun in my world was destroyed on someone else's whims, for someone else's COMFORT. as if the mind of child is something okay to smother when they disagree with you.

fuck that. i hate her. i hate this. i hate that this happened. i hate that im not me. i cant hate myself. i cant even be myself and i hate that fact its frustrating.

im making progress but i dont know if i can even hit a point where i comfy enough to be me. if i can reach an understanding with the others and stope fearing. if theyll ever stop being frustrated with me long enough for us to effectively communicate. if we can. if its fair for me to expect or ask explanations for emotions and rules. if its okay. if ill ever be okay again.

im crying now.

im gonna get some water and curl up.

just asked that we all have access to this journal here in the system. i.

im scattered. hey, more progress ig.

insight, at least.

i need a therapist but i dont know if im willing to trust someone with all of these innermost thoughts and ideas and the backstory. i dont know if i can trust a strangers judgement.

what if they call me a liar and call it a day?

yea we can just move on and find a new therapist. it will hurt though. leave us with more issues. devastating to be invalidated by someone with a license. like yea the system has issues and all and you cant guarentee people dont have bias or are otherwise a good fit or even fit for the job every time. it still sucks that i have to go into this with that uncertainty. it makes it harder and easier, i think, to know that. therapists are imperfect, theyre people just like you and me. i just. thats more comforting than i thought it would be. i thought realizing they were professionals meant like. their word has to be taken as holy or some shit. no it doesnt theyre people. theyre trained, but quality control is questionable and bias is extensive and training is sometimes pretty niche. i need to look for someone specifically trained in like. 4 or 5 things. like. anxiety, depression, borderline, osdd/did, autism, add/adhd, possibly ocd, and DEFINITELY cptsd. i dont know what exactly i have but i know i have more than one and i kinda need to work through a shitton and find out whats UP. seriously. i might need medication. id like to try cbt/dbt first and work on integration/personal identity first. but holy SHIT.

im not mentioning ed beyond In The Past if i can help it ahfjfsgkf. like ed i have in hand. i know its a way to feel in control because im afraid of the world and also to approach the body i want, fulfill society standards in a way i wish i didnt care at all about but i do care at least a little despite my denial, and to combat dysphoria/prepare for top surgery.

gods above. im kinda fucked up huh. like more at once than i think is possible and i might be giving myself more issues if i dont handle my new job in a healthy way.

fuck.

anyway. yeah. im back. im not better than ever but im making progress. todays a bad mental health day so far. i want to lose another 10 pounds before i see a therapist just in case. if they say i should try losing weight i am going to glare flatly and absolutely spill how much ive lost but not the timeline or ed habits. but yknow. 165 or so before starting? puts me solidly in the Chubby At First Glance But Not Super Overweight category.

me and my friends also tried to weigh my tits the other day. kitchen scale and leaning down put them at 4.5 lbs each, theyre big enough to try, but thats probably an understimation by like, 40% just by sheer volume. thats like. 10, 15 pounds minimum of boob weight. i want it gone. gone. away please. off my body. no tits or an A cup. and an A cup is highly unlikely so full top it is.

gods. okay ive gone on long enough im going to get water and lay down now. im still dissociating pretty heavily.

[trippz2ill2ace8itout]

"Not Myself" Written By Me. Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez TRIGGER WARNING!! "I'm not myself I'm someone else I'm not okay I take it day by day I've become to comfy in the pain The darkness takes control of me Ive had trauma occurring 24/7 From 2001-2018 I have over 10+ mental illnesses I'm drowning in the sickness I used to be an addict with no limits An alcoholic with hells tickets Darkness is my only friend I want this hell to end I'm insane in the game A victim in many sex trades Gotten tortured and abused Been bruised and misused Most of my life Homeless 13 times Do I know the unknown Do I fight to be known In 3 foster homes From 2011-2018 I've had no home I'm spiraling out of control I've dug myself deeper into that hole I'm not myself, I'm someone else I'm not OK. But maybe someday Breathe the toxins Outta my dysfunctional brain I've lost my will to stay They diagnosed me insane Play insanity game There all after me In 215 mental hospitals The next time I go I'm Yes I'm getting sent to an institution I was in love for prostitution To raise my unbio son Being bipolar, mania takes over Schizoaffective, they all possess me Depression and anxiety It's no trend it's a real thing Suicidal ideation Got no motivation Anorexia, foods my enemy Borderline personality, escape reality Emotions intensified Ocd ODD ADHD, can't seem to please PTSD, the trauma controls me Dissociative identity, out of my reality Out of character, now I got narcolepsy I got autism, not just a disability Breathe please, torture me Leave me, please me Kill me, breathe me Got FBI after me They ate me whole While I was alone Forever alone God's got me Can't seem to see What is going on with me Test the systems, test the scene Trust nobody, I am not somebody I used to self harm in any way I can Watch it bleed than do it again I have anger issues. Pull out ur tissues Let the demons watch u drown The parties out now I'm not myself. I'm someone else I'm not myself. I lived and seen hell Hell itself. Hell itself My name is Izzy This drink. Got me dizzy Been to multiple treatment centers Unlocked and locked My head hurts can't u tell They got u under there wicked spell This is about to get real Take ur time to heal Your enough.your worth it Your someone, your important Loving the pain I'm not myself I'm someone else Test the waters, straight to hell I'm not here for pity Fuck ur sympathy Don't worry about me I help everyone and everything obsessively Why aren't u running, silly girl Why aren't you crying. Little girl Broken and done Over now watch me run This time it's not for fun I wear this smile. Say I'm fine Well darling that's all lies Why love me. I'm loveless Why don't u hate me. I'm useless I'm not myself no I'm not myself no I'm over due. Hun I'm bruised, love I'm here for all of u Plz don't be here for me Leave me alone I should've run I'm passed done I'm on the run Cops at my door, don't run Cops at my hotel. Run Im not myself, I'm far past normal Kill me, fight me torture me I'm already dead, I'm chained to the bed I'm forever crazy Ate my sanity Ate My sanity Swaying trees I'm on my knees God is good Knock on wood That I won't be arrested That I won't be possessed I'm not myself, I'm someone else Welcome to hell Now fall under your spell I'm just izzy Damaged and hazey Goodnight. Kill the enemy We're gonna rock until we leave this dream I'm not myself, I'm someone else" -Written By Me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez