#i say things and then desperately hope i didnt say anything wrong

[flemingsfreckles]

Perfect To Me (18+)

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Preview: Jessie notices you acting differently, when she learns why, she’s determined to help.

Warnings: body image issues, self deprecation, self consciousness, some self hatred, SMUT (18+), somewhat controlling Jessie, mirror sex, edging, fingering (r receiving), mentions of strap on sex,

WC: 3.0k

Today had just been one of those days, you woke up and felt wrong. It started when you went into the bathroom, seeing two large pimples bright red on your face. Then when you changed you couldn’t help but notice every little detail wrong with your body, stretch marks, scars, blemishes, all of it, you hated it. You tried to get dressed, everything feeling too tight on your body caused you to spiral even further.

Jessie was quick to notice you were off, that morning opting to wear a sweatshirt and pants despite the warm weather. She then noticed at training the way you hurried off to the bathroom to change, unlike normal. She noticed you were frustrated at practice, having a rough day overall it seemed. On the way home you didn’t say anything, silently watching out the window, thinking about everything that went wrong.

“What’s going on in that little head of yours?” She questions you as she throws the car in park in the driveway.

“Don’t want to talk about it.” You dismiss her concerns for you.

Her hand comes over the console and finds its way to your thigh. “Babe, talk to me. You’ve been quiet all day, I’m worried about you.”

You loved Jessie, she had been a perfect girlfriend for the past year, but she was insistent. She always wanted to talk things through, it got on your nerves, sometimes you had to sit in self loathing first. “I feel like shit about myself Jessie! I’m bloated, nothing fits, everything is too tight, everything seems wrong, everyone else is running around with their toned stomachs and perfect legs, I have stretch marks, I have acne, I hate myself.”

“Hey!” Jessie snaps. “You’re not allowed to speak about my girlfriend like that!”

“I can talk about her however the fuck I want to, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself.” You taunt Jessie as you unbuckled and closed the door hard behind you.

Jessie follows you in the house. She lets you be for the next few hours, keeping her distance knowing you just needed some time alone to work through your feelings. And you worked through those feelings, as best you could, still not loving your body, still annoyed at the way everything fit, but better than you were this morning.

Your uncomfortable feelings with your body fade slightly as the day goes on, you start to forget what a terrible start to your morning you had. You knew you were overreacting, feeling just overwhelmed with the day, you took it out on yourself, you always did. What you didn’t know was Jessie hadn’t forgotten the way you had moved away from the mirror at home, the way she saw you staring for too long at your thighs and stomach, the way you closed yourself in the bathroom at home and at work to change. She was determined to make you feel better, even if you had already done it for yourself.

Which is how she ended up feeling you up as the two of you attempted to watch a movie. The movie is quickly forgotten as she pulls you up onto her lap to straddle her. Her hands on your waist, pulling you into her, encouraging your grinding motion. Your hands run through her curls as your lips slide against each other.

She reaches for your shirt, you nod hard against her, letting her know it was okay to pull it up and over your head. Your self conscious feeling comes back slightly as Jessie’s eyes make their way across your body. She then slides her finger tips into the waistband of your pants.

“Can I?”

“Just touch me already Jess, don’t take them off.” You think you’re being subtle, just hoping she’ll think you’re desperate enough for her touch that she shouldn’t bother taking off your pants. It’s less that you’re desperate and more you didnt feel like being completely naked.

“Okay babe.” Her hand slides past your waistband and pushes aside your panties. “Fuck.” She whispers as she feels the arousal between your lips.

“Please Jess.” Maybe you actually were desperate for her touch. She brings her fingers up to your clit, beginning to play with it exactly how she knew to. Jessie would usually tease a bit, giving you soft touches, moving away for a moment, slowing down, but today she was doing all the right things. It was as if she was trying to get you off as quickly as possible. You ground down onto her fingers, increasing the friction and pleasure.

“Fuck Jessie.”

“You feel so good on my fingers baby.” She groans into you and your grip on her hair tightens.

“Babe I’m not going to last long if you keep doing that.”

She smirks up at you. “I know.”

“Oh fuck.” You drop your head to her shoulder, letting out a string of moaned profanities from the pleasure of being right on the edge of release. And then you're quickly cursing Jessie as she takes away her fingers, removing them completely from your waistband.

“What the hell?” your head snaps up to look at her.

“Get up.” She taps your thighs and you move off of her reluctantly wishing she would finish what she just started. You were also still pissed that she took away your orgasm.

“Take the rest off and join me in the bedroom.” She looks at you, her eyes are soft, pupils are big. She turns and disappears into your bedroom. You assumed she was putting down the waterproof blanket, her strap, and maybe a few other toys.

Wanting to get your orgasm, you quickly remove your clothing, too focused on getting off that you don’t care as much about being naked. You leave your pants, underwear, and bra on the couch with your discarded shirt. You make your way to Jessie, walking into the bedroom.

Jessie is sitting on the bed against the headboard, she was now just in her sports bra and boxers, legs spread out on the bed. You notice there isn’t a blanket on the bed, she didn’t have out any of the toys you shared. You then noticed the large mirror usually in the corner of your bedroom had been moved to the end of the bed.

“Sit.” She patted the spot between her legs, you obeyed, crawling onto the bed and kneeling between her thighs. You start to move to straddle her, just as you had been on the couch, when she stops you.

“Nope, turn around, back to me.” You turn yourself, you bare back pressing against Jessie’s covered chest. You now realize the placement of the mirror, so you could see the two of you from where you sat together on the bed, Jessie’s head resting just above your shoulder.

“Good girl.” As you get settled where she wanted you Jessie praises you. She uses her arms to uncross your own, removing them from where they hid your chest, pulling them down and placing your hands on her thighs. She then uses her own legs to hook around yours spreading your legs, leaving you completely exposed in front of the mirror. “Now before I help you finish what I started out there, we’re doing this.” She gestures to the mirror.

“Look at yourself.” You don’t follow that instruction. Keeping your eyes glued to the bed sheets, not wanting to see your naked body in the mirror. Jessie gives you a second to look up, when you don’t her hand is hard on your chin, forcing your face up. You close your eyes, “I said, look at yourself.” Her grasp is hard on your face, a grasp that is demanding and slightly harsh.

You do as she says, opening your eyes, only your eyes find her eyes in the mirror, still avoiding looking at your body.

“Babe, don’t make this harder than it should be.” Her whisper is gentle in your ear, a contrast to her harsh grip and tone from before. “Look at my hands if that’s easier.” She adds before she removes her grip from your chin placing her hands on your shoulders.

“See these babe?” She squeezes your shoulders, “I love your strong shoulders and arms, I love how they hold me tight, how they hold me when we dance in the kitchen, I love how they toss me on the bed before you have your way with me. I appreciate your arms everyday.” Her hands rub from your shoulders down to your hands and back up, you watch, keeping your eyes on her hands. Her lips place kisses on each shoulder. “Tell me one thing you love about your arms and shoulders, pretty girl.”

“Um,” your eyes fall for a minute, Jessie’s hand finds your chin, gently pushing it to remind you to look up. “I love that they get to hug you, after a goal when you come and jump into my arms, they get to hold you up.”

“Good job baby.” She turned her head down to you, gently guiding you to kiss her. “Keep being a good girl and you’ll get a reward.”

Her hands then slide down, finding your chest. “Mhhh” she hums as she grasps each of your tits firmly in her hand. Her actions have you letting out a small moan. “I mean I think it’s obvious why I love these, but I love how you react when I touch them, when I drag my tongue over here.” She lets her fingers drag across your nipples making you arch into her touch slightly. “I love how you let me fall asleep with my head on them, they really make the best pillows.” Her hands remain on your chest, she is playing with your nipples and the surrounding skin. “Your turn.” She tells you.

You’re stuck, your shoulders and arms were easy, you didn’t fully despise them, your chest, and frankly the rest of your body was going to be harder.

“I dunno.” You look down. Your hands moved down to start to pick at the skin on your thighs.

“Hey,” Jessie pulls your hands away from where they were picking. “I’ll keep going then. I love the way they look in your sports bra, I love the pretty little noises you make when I play with them, I love how you let me mark them with my mouth, I love-“

“Okay stop.” You gently chew your lip, looking at Jessie through the mirror, her gaze is strong on you. “I like how they look in that yellow top that you like so much.”

“That’s perfect baby.” She gives you a nod and kisses the side of your head.

Her hands trail down. Settling on your waist and stomach. You took a deep breath, eyes still looking at Jessie’s face.

“Look at my hands.” She tells you. You drop your eyes lower, looking at where her hands were spread on your own stomach.

“I love your stomach, your waist. I love being able to hold you tight around the waist, I love how your hips look when you tuck in your jersey,”

“I have stretch marks.” You interrupt her, you don’t mean to but the words just come out. You tense, expecting to get scolded by Jessie. Only she doesn’t scold you, she just calmly starts speaking again.

“Yeah baby, you do.” Her fingers gently drag over the lines you were so insecure about. “But guess what, so does everyone, you’re strong because of those marks, you grew, you’re an athlete, you push this body to the limit everyday. You’re making it stronger, faster, and sometimes that means your muscles grow faster than your skin can keep up, so you get these beautiful marks.”

Her hands slide down to the inside of your thighs where more stretch marks sat. They rest, sitting just above where you still desperately needed her touch.

“Look at these legs baby. So strong, they’re able to carry you running around for hours. You’re able to squat, jump, and run, because of these legs.” Her hand is now on the outside of your thigh. “These legs help carry me to bed when I fall asleep on the couch. These legs piggybacked Sam around for 45 minutes so she could say hi to fans after playing a whole 90’ minutes because she didn’t want to deal with her crutches, these legs score game winning goals.”

Her hands squeeze tight, reassuring but also nearing painful. “Now since we are talking about your strong, muscular, beautiful legs, you owe me something you love about your stomach and your legs.”

“I like that my legs let me play soccer and that they’ve let me travel all over and see incredible things.” You stop and stare at your stomach, looking for something good to say about it. “Um. I like my core because it makes me a better athlete, and it’s useful for other activities.” You give Jessie a knowing look through the mirror. It took you and Jessie only a couple times to learn how much core strength is required to be on the giving end of the strap on you shared.

“That’s perfect, you’ve been such a good girl.” Jessie’s voice suddenly deeper. “You did so well baby. Do you want your reward?”

You nod against her, still making eye contact through the mirror.

“What do you want, baby?” She brings her hands down on your thighs so that her index fingers are sitting in the crease between your thigh and pussy.

“Your fingers. Please.” You were ready for her to fuck you, having edged you just to make you sit for what felt like an hour, staring at yourself in the mirror.

“Of course my love.” She gives you a kiss on the cheek. “Anything for my perfect girl.”

Her hands move, her left moving a finger to your entrance, slowly running in up and down to collect some wetness before she gently pushes it inside of you. It’s only one finger but it feels good with how turned on you are from being edged.

“Add another please Jessie.” You manage to get out.

“Anything for you.” She pushed into you with two fingers thrusting them both gently, curling once they’re deep inside of you. Her right hand now settles with just her middle finger on your clit. Unlike before she starts slow, gently tracing around the bud.

Her mouth starts making its way down your neck, leaving hot, open mouth kisses along the side, it makes you sigh, you loved the feeling of her lips on your neck, it was always so sensitive, the way she would suck hard enough to feel it but soft enough not to leave a mark. The way Jessie would drag her teeth over your skin, biting you softly knowing you liked the pain. Her mouth on your neck was heaven.

With her mouth pleasuring your neck and her hands between your thighs, it wasn’t long until your legs were shaking and you were moaning Jessie’s name. Feeling yourself reach the edge again you throw your head back, shutting your eyes.

“Eyes open, watch yourself baby, watch yourself feel good.” Jessie’s shoulder nudges your head up. You listen, but instead of watching yourself you make intense eye contact with Jessie.

She removed her hand from your clit and stalls her fingers inside of you just as your legs start to try and close on her hands. You let out a high pitched whine.

“Do you love your body?” She stares at you through the mirror.

“Yes.”

“Tell me.”

“I love my body.”

“Look at yourself when you say it.” Her hand, previously pleasuring your clit, comes up to hold your chin again. You can smell your arousal on her finger tips. Your eyes leave hers and find yourself staring back at you. “Now, tell me you love yourself again.”

“I love my body.” Her hand drops from your chin.

“Again.”

“I love my body.” Her finger finds its way back to your clit, just touching it, not moving.

“Good girl, again.”

“I love my body.” She starts circling with her fingers, pleasure immediately flowing through you again.

“Again baby.”

“I love my body.” Now she’s gently thrusting her fingers again, no where near the force or speed that she had before but it was better then them sitting still inside of you.

“Good girl, one more and I’ll let you cum.”

“I love my body.”

“That’s my girl, you can cum, I promise I won’t tease you this time.” With her promise her fingers inside of you return their vigor from before, immediately feeling yourself clenching tightly around them. Her finger in your clit increases its pressure and you watch yourself fall apart in the mirror. You’re able to watch your orgasm start before the pleasure becomes too much and you have to shut your eyes and throw your head back.

Jessie praises you as she works you through your orgasm. Her words spur you on further, her lips hot against your ear. “That’s it pretty girl, so good, I love making you feel good. You look so pretty cumming around my fingers.”

As you come down from your orgasm you blink your eyes open, finding Jessie’s eyes in the mirror.

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“What do you want? A bath? To cuddle? A nap?” Jessie was always attentive with aftercare even if you had vanilla sex, she always checked in, seeing what you needed and you’d return the favor.

“A bath would be nice.” Jessie nods and slides her legs off of yours, finally allowing you to close your legs. She moves off the bed, holding out a hand to you. You get off the bed with her assistance and walk into the bathroom together. Jessie starts running the bath, putting in your favorite lavender soap. She moved to get out a towel for you. When you notice she only grabs one towel you frown at her.

“What's wrong?”

“Can you join me?” You point to the bath, a pout on your face.

“Of course.” Jessie reaches back into the cabinet for another towel. She comes over to you, wrapping her arms around your waist, holding you tight. “I love you, you’re perfect.” She whispers.

[pupkashi]

nightmares

satoru has nightmares, but so long as you’re there he knows he’ll be okay

a/n: hi friends ! here is some comfort that our favorite sorcerer desperately needs <3 i hope you guys like this and thank u for the request !

wordcount: 1,115

masterlist

satoru was a deep sleeper, and despite facing horrifying and haunting curses day after day, never once did it bother his sleep schedule. he had never once had nightmares about the things he had grown so used to facing, until after his battle with sukuna.

“this is it for you, gojo satoru” the curse smirked, satoru was exhausted, he’d been fighting for hours now and he didn’t know how much more he had left in him. “I’ll tell that lover of yours you didn’t care enough to make it home to them,” the words making him want to get up, to keep fighting.

but his body was heavy and he couldn’t move, and he tried and tried and tried, but the king of curses only smiled down at him wickedly, “so much for the strongest,” he laughed, the sound making his ears hurt, sukuna’s cursed energy surrounding his hand as he swung it at his face.

satoru shot up quickly, a thin sheet of sweat covering his forehead as he tried to steady his breathing.

“‘toru? what’s wrong?” you mumble, still half asleep as you sit up next to him, hand fumbling across the nightstand and flicking the lamp on. “you okay?”

you’re rubbing your eyes, hair still a mess as you finally open them, taking in satoru’s frantic expression. his chest is still rising and falling rapidly and the expression on his face gives you all the answers you need to know.

“sorry i didn’t mean to wake you up” he sighs, his large hands rubbing his face, “let’s go back to sleep.” you frown at his words, not bothering to turn the lamp off as you stare back at him.

“you had a nightmare didnt you,” it was less of a question and more of a statement. you could make out the bags under his eyes, his once sparkling eyes looked a little dull as he forced a smile on his face.

“i don’t have nightmares,” he scoffs, and his chest hurts a bit as soon as the lie leaves his mouth. you don’t say anything as you turn the light off, laying back down and watching as satoru does the same.

he’s quiet as he lays down, his back facing you, eyes wide as he tries to steady his heart.

i won, im safe, you’re safe, i’m home.

the words rattled in his brain, repeating them over and over softly. his eyes fluttered shut for a second, flashes of the battle filling his mind as soon as he did. ‘so much for the strongest.’

his eyes shot open again, the familiar sight of your shared bedroom not bringing the comfort he hoped it would.

you hadn’t taken your eyes off him since he laid down, and your heart ached as you watched his unsteady breathing. talk to me, turn around, anything. you’re sure it’s been over ten minutes when you scoot a bit closer, your hand ghosting over his waist for a second before finally placing gently on him.

there’s a relief that washes over you when you make contact with his skin, a silent sigh leaving your lips as your thumb rubs gentle circles into his side.

satoru tenses for a second, the familiar feeling of your palm calms him, and he can feel his heartbeat finally steadying. there’s a sense of serenity as he feels you scoot even closer to him, your legs nudging his and tangling the limbs together.

he doesn’t say anything. not when your breath is tickling his neck and your arm sliding around his waist, pulling him gently to press his back against you.

“I’m right here,” you whisper, your words are a gentle assurance to him, “you’re okay, angel boy.”

he blinks away the tears forming in his eyes, letting himself relax for the first time since then. you can see his shoulders fall a bit, and you can physically feel his muscles relax under your touch.

you’re okay, he’s home.

“sorry,” he mumbles, his voice weaker than he’d ever want it to be. he can picture the scowl on your face as you smack his gently.

“why are you apologizing? you don’t need to apologize” you remind him, “I’m always here for you pretty boy.”

he can’t help but smile a bit when you squeeze him a bit tighter, your lips pressing feathery kisses on his shoulders. he feels safe, he feels at home in your arms.

there’s a beat of silence before he’s finally turning around and facing you, his messy white hair covering his eyes a bit. you don’t miss a second as your hand reaches out to brush it out of his face, your fingers running through his hair and settling on the back of his neck.

“I’m the strongest, i shouldn’t be like this,” he mumbles, not daring to meet your eyes.

you bite your tongue, going through your words for a second before finally pulling his head into the crook of your neck. satoru doesn’t fight you, melting into your touch as he nuzzles himself further against you.

“you’re satoru gojo before you’re anything else,” you sigh, “you’re allowed to be scared, it’s okay to get emotional,” the press of your lips against the top of his head is enough to make his worries disappear.

you don’t say anything else, opting instead to let your actions say what you couldn’t. you’re holding him closer, running your hands up and down his back soothingly, whispering occasional sweet nothings.

there’s no telling how long you stay that way, only trying to move when your arm is falling asleep.

“toru my arms asleep,” you giggle, expecting him to grumble and move, but nothing happens. “toru?”

the only reply you get is a soft snore. your crane your neck a bit, satoru was fast asleep nuzzled against your neck. his brows weren’t furrowed and looked peaceful for the first time since his return.

you smile softly at him, heart fluttering as he instinctively pulls your closer to him when you wiggle a bit.

“goodnight, angel boy,” you whisper, letting your eyes close, grateful to have your lover home.

you didn’t mind that your arm was asleep and your whole body would probably hurt in the morning. you didn’t care that his soft snores and gentle complaints next to your ear would probably wake you throughout the night. all you cared about was him finally getting the sleep he deserved.

and when you wake up the next morning, and he’s smiling sheepishly up at you, telling you how much he loves you and pressing playful kisses all over your face, you’re prepared to do the night over everyday for the rest of your life.

taglist (send an ask to be added!): @chilichopsticks @anime-for-the-sleepless @4sat0ruu @safaia-47 @nanamikentoseyebags @fushironi @nineooooo @the-mom-friend-dot-com @gojoshooter @sat6ru @luna0713hunter @torusmochi

[syxilla]

If requests is still up then - Can you please do a kenji sato x best friend/ extrovert x introvert relationship. Where kenji likes showing off , reader is reserved. And like a balanced relation?!🙏

Kenji x !introverted bestfriend reader

my requests are open dw! actually this is my first ever ask, so idrk how i'll do- but i think i got what u wanted correctly? (pls tell me if im wrong) also, as usual i dont proof read so mind my mistakes! (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

cw: ken sato x gender neutral reader, relatively sfw, introverted reader, (pre-relationship) best friend reader, reader is a pessimist, ken is aggresively kind (kinda)

-bestfriend! kenji who aggresively shakes you while holding your arm. "y/n!" kenji yells excitedly, this made you drop your book, bending its pages. "oh my- what do you want ji?" you grumbled, taking a deep breath to calm yourself down. "you~" he flirted while smirking.

-bestfriend! kenji who gets a flick in the middle of his forehead. "you made me drop my book." who'd rub the spot with a pout playing on his lips. "that hurttt" he whined. "and what do you want me to do about it?" youd query, picking up your book tryying to find the page. "a kiss to make the pain go away?"hed smile.

-bestfriend! kenji who's smile would grow wider once he felt your soft lift press against his head briefly. "thank you!" hed drag out before swinging an arm pver your shoulder to bring you closer. you know, regular friend things.

-bestfriend! kenji who always forces you out of your comfort zone by dragging you to events such as concerts, parades, festivals and most recently the movies. the movies where hed buy everything for you both, eat an absurd amount of snacks you both knew would make his tummy hurt and yet he still did. putting on a mask to not draw any unwanted attention to you both. forcing you to watch horror movies with him that had an excessive amount of blood and nightmare fuel, making you cling onto his arm whenever itd make you jump. not that he minded. of course he wouldnt mind, he never did when it was you.

-bestfriend! kenji who'd rent out the entire theater if you really didnt want to interact with anyone. youd always try to discourag him from doing so, saying he shouldnt spend a lot of money on you, but he always says its fine. he loves to show off his wealth to you, and he also loves to spoil you. buyinng you gifts and practically anything you wanted. just say the word and youll have it. perks of having rich baseball players as a (sadly) best friend.

-bestfriend! kenji who'd drag you into various fancy stores that someone of your working class would have no idea about just so you could rate the things hed grab. "does this shirt look good on me?" hed ask, as if he could look bad in anything. and youd nod, a slight warmness in your cheeks when youd watch him change in and out of each shirt. trying your best to not stare.

-bestfriend! kenji who'd lay his head on yours or on your shoulder after a tiring game. only wanting to sleep. and you didnt mind, just ruffling his hair and enjoying the company of your friend. all while ignoring the little voices in your friend that were desperately trying to change the word friend into something else.

-bestfriend! kenji who promises to always be by your side in larger crowds. tuggling you close enough so that you felt the warmth generating off of his body. you especially liked this warmth during the winter, he was like your own personal fireplce wrapped in a ball of cuteness and a ribbon of sarcasm.

-bestfriend! kenji who you may or may not have feelings for. the same kenji who just asked you out on a date.

(i hope i didnt dissapoint, ty again for submitting an ask, i hope i did u justice!)

[the-s1lly-corner]

Various CRPs x Reader who knew then before their incidents

Prize request 3/5 for @coldsushisworld ! I hope you enjoy!

Characters in this post: Jeff, Puppeteer, Eyeless Jack, Masky and Ben Drowned

Notes: Reader is GN! Some of these may be shorter or vaguer than others but that's simply because my brains is a little foggy on the details of things!

CW: Mentions of suicide in Puppeteers part, mentions of death and murder in.. well almost all the characters..!

MASKY

JEFF

Similar to Ben's part, you find out what happened. Your parents didnt tell you all of the details that happened the night Jeff went missing, and you'd later find out why when you got older. From the man himself, actually. I enjoy the idea that between the actual canon event of the source and my take hes mellow out.. just a bit, at least hes not going to take you down the second he gets the chance. It's been.. years, you thought he had died at some point actually. Hes loud and arrogant, but for one reason or another he trusts you. You havent turned him yet, and that's saying something. Sometimes things are just like how they were before; the two of you are joking with each other and sharing stories. You don't see him often due to him just.. dropping off and doing who knows what.. but he always comes back to you eventually

BEN DROWNED

You were both childhood friends. The day Ben died, you were told he had moved away. You didnt find out what happened until years later, when you started asking around. When fate brings you both back together everything feels. Wrong. Hes a ghost, and primarily confined to technology- currently hes worked himself into your computer, proving himself to still be the mischievous guy he was in life by subtly messing with your files.. but you grew up, and he didnt. Despite still being friends, there just wasn't enough for the two of you to relate to anymore. In a way it reminds me of Anohana (need to rewatch it but I recommend it). If Ben notices the rift he doesnt say anything

The terrible thing is that you dont know what happened to him. One day he was here and the next? Gone. On top of that, are you even aware that he doesnt seem to.. remember all that much about you? It's almost as if hes an entirely different person. Out of all the characters, your relationship with Masky needs to be rebuilt from the ground, simply because it didnt exactly exist before. You were friends with Tim, of course. To you, you're trying to jog his memory and do things you two have done before. To him, you look.. desperate. Overtime you do both grow closer but the relationship will never be like how it was before, and you're going to have to readjust to this new situation- though is that not the case with the rest of these characters?

EYELESS JACK

You had heard on the news what happened at his college. It looked like there was a massacre, and your friend was no where in sight. Even before Jack became eyeless, he was still.. closed off and reserved. However reunited with him he seems to have sunk deeper into that, even trying to get you out of his life again because of.. what was happening to him and what was changing. Your insistence almost breaks the both of you, but despite everything you manage to safely reenter his life. His new eating habits.. are something.. and that's assuming he even tells you.. he probably would, out of guilt for keeping it from you and just guilt in general for needing to conform to his new diet. It's very strained and tense for a long time in the beginning, even if you're the most open minded person. Jack's not going to let it be easy

PUPPETEER

You were.. friendly with each other before everything. But you weren't exactly all that close. Of course when you found about how he took his life, you felt horrible. But life goes on. You move on, and go on with your life plans... and you were doing good at that, before a figure appears in your room one night. Its terrifying, actually, and if it didnt start talking to you like you were an old school friend you would have tried to make a run for it. Maybe it was the shock that kept you in place? Of course, the figure was.. him.. he doesn't seem to recognize the name you knew him as, in fact you cant tell how much he actually remembers. He basically just invites himself to live with you, not all that bothered with the idea that you might not want that. Hes.. kind of a dick, actually, but hes charming enough for you to keep him around. Having conversations with him is interesting, as well. Hes usually respectful enough but theres some level of... sass.. that keeps you invested. Hes so much like how he was before, but also not. Hes still there but it's like hes been flipped on his head

[im-just-a-bug]

Finished In Stars and Time last night and want to put down my thoughts bc that was nuts. Spoilers ahead v

Theres still much I havent seen, and ive only gotten one ending but man this game blew me away. Here are some things i loved about this game.

Timeloops are such a common plot device, a way to help the mc level up for the big bad, and the way they flipped that narrative on its head! The instant shift from "this is a gift to help me!" To "who did I think I was, how stupid," is so satisfying.

The music, at the end, terrified me. That first time Headmaiden broke down, and the music glitched and deteriorated, i realized oh. Oh fuck this is a kind of horror game isn't it. I wasnt wrong.

The changes in character art!!

The subtle things; the mirror never catches you by surprise again. Your battle sprite looks bored. You stop making silly noises at the birds.

That moment in act 3 where everything is finally going right, your companions love you and youve never felt more content, and Siffrin wins and gets to the end and they loop anyway. The way that the first time his party notices anything wrong is when he is completley and utterly heartbroken, the way they run to him. And he wakes up in the meadow, to allies that don't love him anymore. Who have no idea what hes going through. Who aren't grateful. And love didnt win the game so they go searching for answers and it makes sense but it makes everything worse.

You talk to King, and for a second you think everything might work out because stranger things have happened. And after a whole game of Bonnie being safe, Bonnie running away. Bonnie never being in any real danger. King picks them up and crushes them in front of you to 'teach you a lesson.' And the terror on Sifs face the next loop they reach the King startled me deeply, and reminded me that this game is a god damn masterpiece.

The way this game sets you up to stop caring about how you treat others, only to give you a real ending after what was essentially the WORST loop youve ever had?? Incredible. Siffrin doing everything he can to manipulate his way to the end, even if everyone hates him bc hes just so desperate. There's no point being nice, there's no point pretending in the end, bc he hopes there won't be another loop but in their heart they Know there will be, so what's the point? And he fumbles every interaction, makes every one of his friends hate his guts, and then has to fight the King alone. And then they save him anyway. They follow him and pick him up at the end (which cinematically is a God damn masterpiece all on its own God DAMN) and you figure out the whole time Siffrin was looping not bc the country fumbled a Wish, but because he didn't want his friends to go. He wanted to stay with them so badly he wished for it on accident, and the universe listened.

I haven't even gotten into how in awe I was, putting together the little puzzle pieces of Sifs backstory, of his island. Even in act 1 I was squinting my eyes. Several mentions of a whole island wiped from existence no one can remember? A protagonist with severe memory issues and no connection to or knowledge of any culture left? God I love this game.

And Loop. I didnt learn Loops story on my playthrough, but i looked into it and man. Its so incredibly neat that you have this character, this other siffrin, who went through these loops so many times they got desperate enough to make a whole NEW wish, unspecified and uncaring, just wanting something to change. Wanting help. And got shoved into our Siffrins reality instead, because wishes never work how you want them to. Finding their star room and their journal and trinkets and lore was so incredibly cool!! Though im confused why the journal says they made a cooy of themself, but their battle dialogue says they got shoved into a different reality. Idk, but it's still cool. And their anger, that someone else got their happy ending? Fucking mwah.

These characters are so complex and interesting and a day later im still in awe about it. There are so many parts of this game i havent even mentioned here that are like a punch in the face. So many little interactions, so many art shifts.

I loved this game deeply, and the only thing stopping me from playing more is guilt at taking away that ending. When a game makes u care about the characters that much, you know its a great game.

[star-dust-stuf]

Hunter Sylvester x period!reader

title: for what you can't ignore

warnings: cursing, pain

a/n: for my sister ❥ @hannibal-girly for typos, I hope you love it!

-

I was laying on his bed looking up at the ceiling, I shouldnt have come, I thought to myself. Oh yeah. This sucked. I should have stayed home knowing I got my period that morning and I shouldn't have told him I was okay over the phone. 

As he was practicing his guitar I kept hearing the same thing over and over again and it was driving me nuts. I sat up, he couldn't hear me talking. "Hunter..." I sigh. "Hunter!" 

Still, he kept playing his stupid guitar. "HUNTER!" I finally yell.

Hunter stopped, he put his guitar down. "What?" 

I look at him for a moment, "can you stop?" 

Hunter scoffed, "stop?" He mocked me and started playing his guitar again. Even rougher.

I started crying and I cover my face. He immediately stopped and looked at me, "woah. Hey." He put his guitar down.

He walked towards me and sat on his bed next to me. "What's wrong? Hey, I didn't mean to-."

I shake my head, "it's not you."

"Then what's the matter?" Hunter spoke, he was genuinely sweet and gentle with me, and only me. 

"Hunter I... I got my period this morning and I'm in pain." 

Hunter was silent for a minute, he stood up and paced a little. "Okay.. okay so you're on your-..." He got awkward. "No that's totally fine- not that it wasn't fine in the first place-." 

Hunters stuttering made me smile a little, he struggled. "I'll be right back." 

He walked out of his room leaving me to my overthinking thoughts, was I sharing too much? He ran to the kitchen and in the cabinets, his dad put his hands on his hips. "What the hell are you looking for?" 

He looks at his dad, "I... I need something for..." He trailed off.

His dad coughed mockingly, "sorry what?" 

"Period, dad!" He yells

His dad blinked, "you do know it's not physically possible-."

Hunter cut his dad off, "really, duh. Because I didn't know that!" 

His dad coughed, not so mockingly but in an uncomfortable tone, "have we had the, uh. Talk yet?"

Hunter gave him a dumb look, "I have a girl over shes- she's-."

His dad choked, "oh!" He coughed. "I don't have anything here for that." 

Hunter spoke, "how about that stupid hot water bottle?" Hunter had attitude.

"In the hall closet, hey I don't appreciate that additude." His dad spoke but Hunter rolled his eyes and walked towards the closet by the stairs, getting what he needed.

He came back into his room and saw me on his bed. I was crying from the pain, he didn't really know what to do, he sort of watched me cry before speaking. "I got you something."

I look at him. My cheeks wet with tears, he was clearly not comfortable around people who cry but he wasn't heartless. He sat next to me, "h-here..." He gave me the hot water bottle.

I put it on my stomach, an instant relief fell in my body that was racked in pain. He saw the change and relaxed as well, he stood up back to his chair and his guitar. I watch him, he didnt know I would rather have him hold me but he wasn't very empathetic.

He played his guitar, seeing me from the corner of his eye he couldn't shake the thought of it, so he looked at me. "Does it hurt bad?" 

I nodded, "feels like somethings inside me and won't hold still."

He grimaces but he's had his fair share of shit happen he's not disgust by this at all, because there wasn't anything to be disgusted by. "Well, you can lay there and I'll make sure the hot water bottle stays warm..."

He saw that desperate look in my eyes, he sighs and stands up. Hunter unzipped his black boots and got into his bed beside me and looked at me, "close your eyes..." He said softly.

I did so, I didn't care about anything at this moment. I felt his hand on my hip and his thumb rub my bone gently, he scoots closer, I can feel his breath on my forehead. 

I cried out in pain and hit his shoulder, he flinches, I did it out of pain, i didn't really know how to relieve it so I just hit him. "Shit." He says.

He didn't care, or mind even. He knew what the hit was for and knew better than to tell me to stop. "you're okay..." 

He feels around my lower back for the pain, watching my body tense up and then relax. He smiled at my reaction and kept a firm but gentle pressure there. "I'm not a bitch like everyone says." 

I smiled a little, "why do you think you're my friend?" 

He looked at my lips and back in my eyes, "friend." 

I nod, but I slowly put my face to his. Kissing his lips gently before pulling back, he was dumbfounded by it but it was the most beautiful thing that has happened to him. Nothing dim and dark, or anything he's used to. It was bright and beautiful... 

He moved a lock of hair behind my ear and kept his pressure on my lower back, making sure if I was in any pain, he was my punching bag. 

"For someone so sweet, who would have thought you'd like metal." 

[tamiiii46]

i was wandering if i could request a annabeth x femreader angst without a happy ending? Like for refrence annabeth breaks it off between them and the reader like dies if that makes sense???? Anyways dont feel pressured to and thank you for your time<3

Okayyy sure. This is kind of my first time writing so it might not be good. After this, please send some tips on how i could improve.

Enjoy😭

You slam your cabin door, tucking yourself in bed as your feelings overwhelm you. You feel tears building up in your eyes as you try to prevent them falling.

Unknowingly, you started to sob.

Annabeth had meant a lot to you, and she had said she cared for you too. If so, why had she shut you out, why would she broke things of so abruptly. It was like you were talking to a completely different person, her eyes had lost their sparkle, and she was nothing but rude and impertinent.

She had been so happy a few hours before, but you hadn't known what had gone wrong. Before you could think more on the matter you noticed one of your cabinmates stirring in their sleep. You decided to quiet down and sleep it off.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The next morning, you woke up tired and sad. A lot of your friends had noticed and found it weird. You were always so energetic and bubbly. Eventually, you just started to ignore all the worried glances coming your way. Until you were approached by two close friends.

"Y/n are you okay?"

You looked up to saw Percy with a worried looking Grover by his side. You let out a huff of frustration and sadness, building up the discipline to not break down in tears.

"Im okay, just having a bad day" you said giving them a tight lipped smile.

They didnt seem to believe you much as Grover placed a hand on your shoulder.

"Are you sure?" Grover asked, his voice filled with uncertainty. You nodded quietly and for a few minutes, you three stood there in awkard silence; Grover's hand still on your shoulder.

Grover cleared his throat, making you arch an eyebrow. He elbowed Percy in the gut, very obviously hinting him to say something. Percy grunted out, giving Grover a dirty look.

"Does this have anything to do with Annabeth?" You were quiet as you looked at anything but them. You eyes soon started to water as your two friends pulled you into a comforting hug. She appreciated them, but she didnt want anyone seeing her weak.

"Thanks guys for your support, but i need some space to properly process this." You broke aways from them, not waiting for a response.

Walking back to your cabin, you bump into someone making you fall flat on your ass. You apologize quickly to the person looking up. Only to come face to face with Annabeth. You both stared into the others eyes. Before anyone of you could say a word, loud screams were heard. You both ran towards them.

Running up to Percy and Grover, your eyes come in contact with a Minotaur. The stench of rotten flesh wafts around the air, making you scruch your nose.

The monstrous creature roared out, its skin rough and dirty. With its head bent low, and nostrils flared, it charged towards Annabeth. Without thinking you did the only thing that came to your mind at the time.

You grabbed a spear from Grover running directly at the half human half bull. You got on top of the wild beast, stabbing it in its back. The Minotaur started to aggressively move around, desperately trying to throw you off of itself. Your legs lose their bearing around its torso as your hands grip tightly onto the spear.

You hope for the best as your body is left flinging around in the air. For a moment it became fun, until the spear slips out of your fingers. You grasp the air for a surface, grabbing onto the Minotaurs left horn. The terrifying creature turns its head to the side, throwing your chest directly unto its right horn.

You cry out in pain as tears fall past you eyes. The Minotaur shakes its head in hopes of getting you off its horn. This sends you flying into a wooden table, breaking it into pieces, leaving you bleeding out onto the grass.

The last thing you hear is hurried footsteps and Annabeth yelling out your name.

Then everything goes black.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

GUYSS

My first storyy. Idk if it's good or not, but i think i tried.

It's kind if short, but who cares.

Send more requests.

Thanks for reading, and please dont foget to send your tips on how i could write better.

Or other ways you would like me to write...

Bye😘

[astroismypassion]

hello!! i've got a VERY ODD situation with this friend of mine. im in blue she's in red ^ but over the past few weeks- every time i've shown interest in a guy, she's gone after him. i had a major thing for this guy who i was flirting with heavily (he approached me first and we'd been speaking for weeks) and she got rly drunk this one time and told me she likes him too (WHILE knowing that him and i are def onto something and have been for weeks) and in the same night tried to kiss him (he eventually rejected her this time and later on when she "confessed" her feelings). anyway. after that was done, recently we went to the club and everytime id mention how i think some guy is cute, she'd immediately start flirting w the person???? like girl?? it feels like a very one sided competition where she thinks she needs to prove that she can "get" whoever i want. tonight we went to the first guy's (mentioned above) bday dinner and him and i were talking rly normally while the rest of the friend group interacted w each other and i could SEE her staring at us. and like. the rest of the night she was so aggressive towards me, kept saying stuff like how i really liked this guy at the club (she said this SOOOOO Loud) and how i didnt approach him so i have no "rizz" like girlie i'm just not desperate like u to be running after men. then we were talking ab rats for some reason n she was like "haha funny ur talking ab rats look at urself" LIKE GIRL catch a hint!!! this behavior is not cute. ur so bitter. and then at the end of the night i mispronounced a word (english is not my first language) and she was like haha whyd u say it like that and he (the guy we both had in common) jumped in to explain and he was j like "shes not from around here ofc shes gonna get some words wrong" and THIS BITCH. this racist bitch goes "then she should go back to where she came from" LIKE GIRL.. omg u are so pathetic. AND I DONT GET WHERE THIS IS COMING FROM COS isnt my stellium in her 1h? so shouldnt i be the one getting jealous or something? we also have 4h synastry which is supposed to be comfortable... but this aint it

Hi,

I'm gonna be honest and say I read your question and your thoughts yesterday already. But it is an odd situation, so I had to really look into it.

Let's start at the finish, yes indeed 4th house Synastry, but it's Pisces!! It's like secret enemies. I also feel there is a lot of jealousy in the connection due to Scorpio over the 12th house. And Pluto in the 1st overlays. I just think she is insecure. There is sometimes that intimidates her and she almost "tries to prove herself". But it's like not even that...

So I feel you can't really control her behaviour, but what you can do is limit YOURSELF from these kind of interactions or distance yourself away from this kind of behaviour. You can't do anything about her behaviour. But you can eliminate yourself from hanging and interacting with her. Because I think based on this Synastry, the situations and interactions are draining for both.

I hope you resolve this,

@astroismypassion

[gardensnakie]

.@nav-i-nav

YES AJSSHNSXBJSNS (referring to your stranger thoughts)

Stranger would most likely hold resentment to both Basil and Sunny. After everything, the final battle, after the realization of the truth and managing to self-forgive. It didnt help Stranger. Sure, he did what he was meant to do. A purpose fulfilled and he was meant to be erased, but he couldnt accept that. What did he want? Stranger was never acknowleged, it was always one-sided. And it was with the one person, the one hope, Stranger could rely on. Stranger remembers pieces of Basil, about how Sunny knew of his secrets, dreams, worries, all of it. It is painful, because Sunny still tried to shut him out. Stranger wants to save him, but there has to be a point where you ask "why do i try?". It might be selfish, but Stranger didnt exactly do anything wrong. He is a manifestation of the pieces of Basil Sunny was afraid him, that base eventually making him into the person he is in the present. Stranger wasnt actually there to tie the rope, he remembers it, sure, the guilt is overwhelming, but he still didnt do it. Also, while Stranger is hurt from Sunny/Omori's, he holds back a lot of his feelings for him. He is created with the outer knowledge that Stranger is a manifestation in a nightmare. Of course Sunny wouldnt think of Stranger as a person, there is no reason to be aggressive. That would probably fill that resentment further after he arrives in Faraway, since he is given that chance to be human. It seemed like Sunny's well being came first, no doubt, he was basically a god.

Resentment for Basil develops from the memories Stranger has from the recitial. "A desperate, shameful image acussed him of being somebody meant to be forsaken" is a line (maybe different wording im going off memory) i used in the fanfiction where Stranger wonders if he could possibily be a little selfish in life. Stranger doesnt want to be that unstable mess who couldnt find reason in a stressful situation.

And i agree what you said about Basil being careless about his own life and Stranger resenting that. Their abadonment struggles definetly differ from each other since Basil willingly hid away in the belief that he was undeserving of being listened to. Even so, it pulled him into such a sprial where Basil pinned those 4 lonely years on Sunny during the fight. Mostly influenced by the fact that Sunny was moving away and that Basil wasnt in the right mind space.

Stranger had no choice and had to face it all alone without any reason except for the memories he was given.

Rambling a lot, uhhhjmshsbs, about the rest of the gang, Stranger doesnt have a lot of thoughts about them. He barely remembers them, he only remembers the idea of pinics, flowers, friends, and family. He knows that the dreamworld versions are copies, so he doesnt have much to say since they were gone after the funeral.

Since Stranger is going to meet them again in the world world, he might get complex feelings seeing everyone all grown up. He might get anxious and wonder if he could really make up for what he lacked for his entire life. Its what he wanted, to belong AAAHHH LIKE YOU SAID Stranger may feel like he cant truly be friends with them. Meeting them again might make him hyper aware of who he is. An actual stranger to these people, who all changed. I have a small headcanon that Stranger would always call Hero "Henry" despite it always being his nickname because he doesnt want to seem intrusive or rude by assuming that he is close enough to call him that (unaware that literally everyone calls him Hero). Also because Stranger has never been around adults before and would probably use Ms. to address Polly as well.

Other things I think about is how Stranger precieves himself, like his human-self. He doesnt want to look too closely at his body and usually changes his clothes in the dark. Stranger isnt a human, he is a manifestation based off somebody else. A creature? He was created. Its complicated. His body is a complicated topic, one that he doesnt want to know about quite yet.

There is so much more ideas I have about Stranger. like the idea of death coming back to him, him actually thinking and wanting to go back to the darknees at one point, witnessing senseless cruetly, asking for help, the idea of aging, that fact that so many people have different minds (Stranger only deeply understood one, Sunny), self-expression, sickness, purpose and the thought of living itself.

Oh hooligans, those sillies. Stranger, as 'Rowan', hangs around with Kim and the others. Getting to know new people was suggested and Stranger got to know them a little more. I like thinking about them cause its important :>

Kim is suspcious and Stranger has to either keep lying or willingly tell the truth. Just some trust issue stuff. Cough ive been typing a lot and vomited a lot of words so yippe [good conclusion here]

[genderfluidrika]

Long unfocused rant abt the yandere trope (and how its affected bpd overtime)

I'll never hate myself for being mentally unwell as a kid but and I'll never regret that I latched onto harmful things to feel normal and to validate how I was, but I will advocated for the like denormalization of those things or at least having those things in spaces where minors can access it.

When you're a child desperately trying to figure out whats wrong with you and whether or not the way you think and feel is normal you'll take anything that people seem to like and support. for me that was the yandere trope, and it mostly only made me worst for the longest time. yes it eventually lead me to finding out abt bpd but only starting with the stigma. I didnt realize/find out that it was something to be worked through until I was in junior year of hs. and I found out abt yandere trope all the way in 6th grade.

While the yandere trope most likely wasnt invented based off of bpd its very very hard to say that it doesnt effect and up hold a stigma around it nowadays. it pushes harmful stereotypes about mental illnesses and the main one that gets it is bpd. shit like 'i want an obsessive partner' 'I want a partner thatd do anything for me' 'I want a girl like (anime girl that fits the yandere trope here ex. himiko toga or misa)!' has become stupid common

ive seen yandere aus for ships making a comeback lately and when I point out how we shouldnt be bringing it back people excuse it with 'its just fictional' or 'its not hurting anybody' when it has a long history of doing so. not to mention we hate 'booktok' girlies for liking basically the equivalent of the yandere trope in their books (those theirs is typically more sexual obviously) with like stalker or possessive male characters but at least they keep their shit in adult spaces (most of the time...)

let me get back to the bpd thing. for so long it was the closest thing younger people with bpd had to explaining how they were and it was HEAVILY romanticized and even came with a little made up disorder called 'obsessive love disorder' that some people STILL used to this day. ive come across accounts on both tumblr and twitter where its basically people feeding and feeding and feeding into the users bpd and shitty thoughts that come with it when it comes to love.

my cat distracted me and ive kind of lost what little focus I had on this subject but I hope at least a few people get what I mean when I say that the yandere trope and tropes like it have had a severe effect on people with bpd and that its not something that should be popularized and romanticized again AT THE VERY LEAST not in spaces where minors have easy access.

[ariel26c]

Hey my dear. I dated this guy for a short period of time and then he blocked me out of nowhere? i did not expect that! he was constantly texting me and saying the he misses me, wanted to see me etc. I am really devastated by this fact and got a really bad emotional reaction to it! i called him texted him on another device, but he obviously didnt answer. im asking myself what i did wrong? Im pretty sure i manifested this guy from the seeds, like he was something i‘ve always imagined. very wealthy and grounded. He even wanted to gift me a flat! He also planned to go to Monaco with me in the end of September, but now i am anxious that he will go there with another woman and that puts also a lot of pressure. Not that i need to go there, but I have a feeling that I can manifest pretty good things that fade away out of nowhere ?? Like i was pretty confident. in myself too when we dated i felt so motivated etc i think i gave my power over my emotions to him. also when im thinking about how i manifest him back, it does feel wrong kind iof? like when he was in my life i never had this desperation or affirming anything. it was natural. so what should i do? even writing to you feels like something desperate. i do, i wouldnt do it if i had him. i wonder what i am lacking ? he gave me lots of hope for the future and now it‘s shattered. I am quite sad. I dont know how to get over it..

You can manifest him back into your life. There’s nothing wrong with that. Everything is a reflection of self. Even if you weren’t consciously thinking thoughts that led to this even taking place, there’s a chance you were having unconscious thoughts about something like this happening. It could’ve been before you started talking to him or in your past. Maybe if there is a pattern here where the people you’ve talked have ghosted you, then you should reflection on what beliefs you may hold that is causing this to reflect into your physical reality.

No one has free will so it isn’t wrong to manifest him back. I recommend affirming and living in the end, as if you were in contact with him again. Tell yourself about how badly he regretted what he did and how desperate he is to get in contact with you. You can do whatever you like, you can visualize, script, affirmations, etc. Do whatever you want as long as you are persisting in the new story it doesn’t matter what methods or techniques you do (methods are optional though).

Also you’re not lacking in anything. This may be a belief you have about yourself. You may think you’re not enough. If you’re enough and you know it then you wouldn’t take it so personally and think something is wrong with you. Work on your self concept. Ask yourself who you are and you’ll see what beliefs you have about yourself.

[cupoftaae]

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ sunrise in versailles (part 3) (chapter 15)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 5k

warnings- swearing, fighting (waaa), emotional distress, mentions of miscarriage, lots of sad shit tbh. I think this is all? lmk.

a/n-Hi m'loves, I hope ur all doing well and having a good summer so far!! I will update the main masterlist asap so all of the chapters are easily accessible through pinned post on my page! -Nini

"so....he's saying that it just happened and there wasn't necessarily any reasoning behind it. Its normal....its not your fault." Taehyung whispered, translating the english speaking doctor's words into Korean as you remained seating in a hospital bed.

No reasoning? normal?

You would scoff if you had the energy.

Instead, you just blinked a few times in understanding, putting your head back and looking up at the obnoxiously bright lights in the room. Really- they werent comforting in the slightest.

The doctor kept speaking to Taehyung, who then would refer to you, "they are....gonna give you medicine to help pass any, um, tissue? left inside..." his voice was thick, slicked with grief as he tried to explain everything.

After they handed you a few papers and pamphlets, they passed a bottle of pain reliever and extra medication into your hands, then pushed you out of the clinic, as if nothing happened, or if anything changed.

The car ride back to the hotel was quiet, you refused to even hold Taehyungs hand, which, yeah...you felt bad for shutting him out, because you know he was hurting just as much as you were, however you wanted to just process it by yourself. It perhaps was selfish to do so, but you didnt want to talk about it.

even with him.

"maybe its a good idea to look into a flight back home...?" he whispered, hand on your lower back as you walk back into the room. You winced before crawling onto the bed, hugging a pillow.

"no....." you mumbled, closing your eyes. The thought of going on a 12 hour plane ride in this condition made you queasy. You just wanted to lay in bed for the next few days to recover.

He put the stuff down and stood in front of the bed, looking down at his feet as his mind rambled of ways to help. "are you hungry?"

You shook your head.

"thirsty? You should probably have some water......do you want me to run you a bath-?"

"taehyung!" you looked over at him, he was taken back for a moment upon hearing your voice, the loudest you've spoken since the miscarriage began. "I want to be left alone, I dont need anything"

He frowned, "but you-"

"but nothing" you sighed, resting your head back down. You swallowed any trace of sadness in your voice, any signal you were ready to break down. "I just....I want to sleep."

"okay" he nodded, upset at your dismissive behavior. All he wanted was to hold you in this moment, for you two to mourn together so you can heal, and you were practically pretending he didnt exist.

He grabbed his cellphone and calmly left the room, walking out to clear his head. The weather was now much sunnier, air was hot but nice. He wondered what adventure you both would be up to right now if this never happened.

Reluctantly, he began to ring up his mother to discuss whats going on, knowing that you will probably be mad for doing it without you, but he needed someone to talk to so desperately.

"mom...." he whispered when the ringing on the other line stopped, signaling someone picked up.

"Taehyung? whats wrong?" her voice was groggy, He suddenly remembered that it was really late over in Busan, and she was most likely asleep.

"im sorry for calling so late" he mumbled, "I just really need to talk to you"

"what is it?" her voice was more awake now, obvious curiosity and panic.

He sighed, taking a breath as he looked around at the people walking down the street. "Y/N....this morning, she had a miscarriage." he swallowed roughly, feeling the familiar lump in his throat. "we just got back to the room after going to the clinic, shes okay, but she wont talk to me...and I know this doesnt concern you in the slightest, you were upset to begin with, but....im hurting mom." his voice cracked at the last sentence, face hiding into his arm.

He heard a stilling of breath on the other line.

Taehyungs mother wasnt all too pleased to hear you both were expecting a child together, but she never wished for something like this to happen, it was heartbreaking.

"ah my son... im terribly sorry my dear." she exhaled, "its okay to cry, its okay to be upset, you know?"

He sniffed, wiping his eyes with the collar of his shirt, "yeah but, I just wanna be with her and shes getting mad at me"

"Its a difficult situation, She is hurting just like you maybe even more, and she needs space....she will come around okay? where is she? where are you? did they specify what caused it?"

"im outside of our hotel, sitting on a bench, she doesnt want me in the room....and shes okay, they gave her medicine and stuff but they said it was natural, like nothing inflicted it or caused it"

She nodded on the other line "okay...maybe you both should come home. I know you worked hard to be there right now but if shes sick you guys need to be close to us. I will make some meals and bring them over so she doesnt have to cook, or you can just stay with us, whatever you two decide."

He brushed his hair with his fingers, listening to his mothers soft soothing tone, one he wasn't particularly used to hearing too often. "I asked her if we should go back and she said no"

"she wants to stay in a foreign country during this? what if something else happens?"

"I dont think she wants to deal with the plane ride" he sighed

"thats understandable, but she can just sleep the entire time, then i'll order a cab to our house straight from the airport, how does that sound?"

"I'll try to talk to her again about it, I just want her to be okay"

"she will be okay, but these things take time. She may not act like she needs you there with her but she does, go back to the room okay?"

"okay....thank you, I'll text you after, love you..." he mumbled, grateful that for once, his mother was supportive in such a time of pain.

-

"you showered?" he asked, walking back into the room as he saw you on the floor, looking out the large window by the bed. Your long wet hair gently dripping to the carpet below you.

"mhm" your eyes stayed glued to the city, watching cars drive around as the sun began to say its goodbyes, setting beautifully and coating the sky with a purple and orange tint.

His eyes looked down to the pillow in your lap, you squeezed it tightly.

"how...uh, how are you feeling physically?"

"mm" you shrugged, finally turning back to look at him. You were pale, and you looked exhausted. The dark bags under your eyes didnt lie. "im managing"

"you dont have to manage alone" he whispered, sitting beside you.

"taehyung..."

"y/n"

You looked at him as he sat on the carpet next to you, your body tightening up once more.

"why wont you let me be here for you?" he whispered, eyes directly on yours as he tilted his head. Taehyung didnt want to come off as aggressive or forceful.

You shook your head, eyes darting out the window once more. "I dont wanna talk about it"

"why no-"

"because it fucking kills me!" you cried out, covering your face, "it hasnt even been a day, im processing it, it doesnt feel real and I just..."

He looked at you, his own expression softening as he felt his stomach churn.

"I just wish it never happened" you choke out in a faint whisper

"I know baby, I know...." he mumbled, slowly bringing his arm to yours, pulling you into his lap. "me too, this is awful, I know it is, and I know I will never understand how you feel....but im hurting too. lets process this together? please?" his fingers laced through your hair as you softly cried, you could feel the exhaustion and emotion seeping through every ounce of your body. "I think we should just go home..."

"but you worked so hard to be here....we arent going..."

Taehyung sighed, "its not important. I...I called my mom and explained the situation, shes offering us a room at the house, she will cook for us and everything, allow you time to heal, and-"

You stopped crying, climbing off his lap and looking at him as if he slapped you in the face. "you called your mom? why? what?"

"I know, im sorry, I shouldve asked you if it was okay-"

"yeah you should have" you wiped your nose and stood up, huffing and tossing the pillow back onto the bed. "thats so....you dont need to go telling everyone. Not to mention she gave me shit when she found out I was pregnant, and now she wants to be all supportive? bull fucking shit"

He was taken back at your sudden outburst, he rose to his feet and turned to you "baby, hey, I know my parents arent the best but they are offering support right now, put all the fighting aside, she knows your hurting and is just trying to be nice"

"I dont care, I refuse to let her do that, especially given the fucking comments she through at me" you ran your hands through your hair. "I mean, shit, taehyung, my own mom didnt know I was pregnant yet and now I have to tell her I already miscarried?" you sighed "this is a lot on me! this is a lot mentally, and you cant just go telling people, im embarrassed"

"you shouldnt be"

"I am, I dont really want to be coddled or get sympathy calls and texts from people, I just want to be alone, and to be honest, I am really fucking mad at you right now"

He raised his brow, he was upset at your behavior but tried to understand the situation from your point of view. "okay..." he exhaled, "I get it, I know, and im sorry"

You threw your phone across the room, walking into the bathroom and shutting the door.

Taehyung felt lost, his attempt of helping seemed to only make shit worse for the both of you. How was one person supposed to navigate or fix the said situation? you wanted help, but you refused it.

He didnt want to leave again, but he grabbed his coat and walked out once more, this time it was to sit on the fire escape stairs out near the balcony.

It felt like hours, he cried, watching cars drive around. It was selfish, but he wished he was one of those people.

he wished he was away, he wished you and him were doing what you had originally planned for the day instead of this.

His heart was in his throat as it suddenly hit him, the loss of the child he had learned to grow so fond of. Taehyung had not known them for very long, but oh, he fell in love at the first heartbeat, the first sonogram that still sat in his wallet at this very moment.

He was in love the moment he walked into his bedroom and saw it as a nursery for the first time, eager to push everything out just so he can decorate it 7 months early.

The moment he saw your bump beginning to form, snapping photos left and right. The moments of holding your hair back so you didnt get vomit in it during your morning sickness days. The moments of him talking to your stomach late at night when you pretended to be asleep and watch.

Taehyung would whisper his fears but righten them as promises of love and nothing less. the role of a father.

It seemed so scary at first, but as he settled into it, the idea became somewhat comforting, at least knowing he wasnt alone.

But now what?

Where do you even start to pick up the pieces of loss of a life you never even got to taste?

Everything that was finally looking up was ripped away in a matter of moments. He was angry at the world, angry at himself, angry at the innocent people walking around below...but he wasnt angry at you, no matter how much you deflect his compassion.

He tossed his cigarette and began to look up at the stars, trying to mentally keep track of the number of them. It was something to distract his brain, it was something to do other than feel pathetic.

The slider door to the balcony slowly opened, presenting you tightly wrapped in a robe as your hair was now thrown into a pony tail.

Taehyung waved his hand, too afraid to speak up.

"I just got off the phone"

He nodded, looking over.

"with my mom" you exhale

"oh?" Taehyung sat up quickly as you walked over, sitting beside him.

"yeah" you whisper, of course you had been crying, there was no way to hide it. "I told her everything, mine as well not wait"

He nodded, unsure of how to react

Its quite for a moment, the overwhelming tension between you both choking you as the night sky blanketed the city, the air thick with love and grief.

"are you okay?" he whispered

"yes...or, will be anyways" you sniff, taking a deep breath and allowing your lungs to receive a moment of calmness for the first time today. "are you?"

He shrugged, looking at you. "mad..." he murmured, watching his heel continue to dig into the cigar that was already on the ground.

"mad?" you whisper

"yeah, mad."

"why?"

"because..." it was his turn to cry, his fists bunching up his white shirt. "I left you, I fucking left you while it happened."

You frown, watching his eyes look anywhere but your own. "My love...whether you were in the room or not, it still wouldve happened"

"At least you wouldnt have been alone..." he choked, "I keep getting images of how scary it mustve been, and how you kept calling me and I was just...not there"

You wiped your eyes, scooting closer to him.

"so fucking dumb, im so stupid. I hate everyone and im mad. Im angry, its not fair" he mumbled

You were unsure of what to say to him, opting to pull him into your arms as you embraced eachother.

"where were you anyways...?"

He sniffed, whispering lowly "I went to get you flowers, and breakfast" his cheeks were slightly red. "just my luck, I do something nice and the world spits in my face"

You couldnt help the small smile that found its way onto your lips, "well thats very sweet...."

"doesnt matter. it was dumb and I shouldnt have left you"

"you cant blame yourself for this" you look at him, turning his head so he sees you. "we need to stop blaming ourselves. This is going to take a while to recover from, and we gotta realize that now more than ever." you whisper, pressing your forehead to his.

He nodded, lifting slightly to kiss you delicately.

Taehyung held both of your hands as he rested his head on your shoulder.

"Im going home"

He sniffed, "you are? I think thats good, we dont have to stay at my moms house, I understand how awkward that might be for you, and it was my wrong doing to just go and talk behind your back. We can just go back to the apartment okay?"

You shake your head slowly, "no, Tae, home...Gwangju." you spoke into his ear gently, your hand running circles on his back. "I need to see my mom, I need time to recover, and to be honest, I need to recover from a lot more than just this one thing...."

He sat away, looking at you. "Gwangju?"

"yeah. Ive been thinking about going back for a while, remember? my mom isnt getting any younger and she still has troubles with her back. She wasnt doing too well when we visited. I need to be with my mom to help her, and so she can help me with everything Ive been dealing with, which....is a lot." you exhale, trying to offer a small laugh to lighten the mood. "she misses me too, all the time"

His face was contorted, mind racing. "well...okay..." he nodded slowly, "thats fine...when do we leave?"

You bit your bottom lip and looked at him, "not we, just me tae..."

Taehyung frowned, "what do you mean? you....are leaving without me?" his voice was thick with emotion as the realness of the sudden situation sunk in.

"yeah...not for long, I promise, I just need time-"

"what are you talking about?" he chokes out, standing up and looking down at you. "I offered to take you back home so we can recover and rest, I offered you anything I could, and you refused, now suddenly you are hot and eager to hop on a plane to Gwangju to....get away from me?"

"its not like that"

"then please explain what it is like because it seems as if life isnt the problem, its me"

You roll your eyes slightly, "stop jumping to conclusions, you know first hand how bad the past months have been, between kaito, the pregnancy, school, work and the drama with you and I. I lost all my friends, I switched to online classes just for the situation, I have to manage everything, all of my shit including yours"

"What do you mean?"

"its just a lot, tae, I am only one person. I love you, I really do, and I wish you would calm down so I can explain."

He sits, face in his hands.

"Listen" you begin "everything is just a lot right now, this...loss..." you whisper "it was the sole decider for me to make the move to go back home for a while. I need to fix some shit, because im not the best person, and I need to be away from people"

"you sound so crazy"

You scoff, looking at him, "crazy?"

"yeah, crazy. so what? we break up? you know, couples dont just leave or abandon eachother when something bad happens, you turn to them when you need support, just as we done with everything else so far." he tries to plead with you, hands trembling a bit. "I know its a lot for you, I know your body is tired physically and mentally, and I can only imagine how the past 24 hours have been, but....you do realize that I am hurting as well? this doesnt just involve you, it was my baby too?"

You sink into your seat, sighing as you shake your head, "obviously I know that"

"then why are you acting like its only your problem?" he winced, "we....we are missing out on so many experiences. we will never get to hold or see that baby ever, you think that doesnt rip my fucking heart out y/n??" his voice wavered, now slightly louder as he tried to get you to see his side. "this is so selfish, you are being so selfish"

You felt tears seep into your eyes, quickly getting up so he doest see your reaction as you open the slider, feet guiding you back into the cold hotel room.

"yeah run away" he scoffs, tears streaming down his face as he attempts to follow you, tossing his jacket to the floor in rage.

"where will I be? where do I go?" he yelled, watching you silently search the closet as you rip clothes out, tossing them to the bed.

When you dont respond, he grows more upset and desperate. "so fuck me then? right? because my feelings on this dont matter?" he cried, standing at the door and watching you. "please tell me what ive done, what ive said, to make you feel like you cant talk or confide in me? why is there no comfort between us? what the fuck happened?"

Tears freely fell as you aggressively threw your suitcase together, you heard his words sink into your blood, your own emotions tugging at your heart as you tried to convince yourself you were capable of making your own choices. "its not a break up, its just some time away from everything, I will come back" you spoke, teeth gritted.

"you are being so selfish y/n" he shook his head in disbelief, "why am I not enough to help? why cant we both go to your moms?"

"because im tired!!" you yell, throwing the shoes in your hands.

He laughed, eyes scanning over you "you are tired? from what? ....oh I get it, me giving you every limb I have, spending my time and money on you must be so exhausting. Im just the fucking worst huh? Jesus, y/n, you are acting like I fucking punched you" he spit

You glared at him, pinching your thigh as he referred to Kaito "Im tired of drama following me everywhere I go. I never fucking asked you to give me anything, ever, at all." you whisper, eyes sinking into his. "How dare you say that to me....." you grew angry at your voice wavering "this was a mistake"

His eyes widened, "a mistake..?"

"yeah..." you scoff "a mistake, clearly the biggest one ive made" you were quick to wipe your eyes. "we should have stayed just friends, you feeling forced to provide and love me just because of the baby is pathetic. You dont have to worry about it anymore anyways, asshole" you spit, turning around.

He felt like he had gotten stabbed in the chest, his breath leaving his lungs as you sat there and accused him of not only not loving you, but the child. "y/n, you know nothing...you have no idea what you are saying"

"oh but I do"

"you are angry, and thats why you said that, I really hope thats the case...because what you just accused me of...." his voice was tight and shallow. "how can you say I only stayed because of the baby....who, by the way, I was willing to give up everything for"

"you felt compelled to, you dont have to lie anymore"

His tears continued to fall, he was shocked at your words. "y/n I love you and that baby more than anything....why are you saying this?"

He regretted yelling, and perhaps he said words that dug deeper than he meant them too, however what you threw back at him was worse than any conversation prior.

"Yeah well I dont even know if the baby was yours or Kaitos so It literally doesnt matter" you threw clothes into your bag "its gone anyways" you sobbed, "so just go on and do whatever the fuck you were doing before I pulled you down with me, okay?"

Taehyung gasped softly, eyes widening as he watched you.

You knew it was wrong, you regretted saying it as soon as it left your mouth, but you couldn't go back on it, not anymore.

"you....you dont?"

You didnt reply, instead, picking the pace up as you gathered your things.

"baby....baby talk to me this isnt funny anymore" he ran over to you, desperately seeking your attention. "look....i...I dont care if it was mine or not, I wouldnt have treated them any differently, baby please listen to me, its okay"

"taehyung I have to go" you whispered

"no..please my love, why are you....what did I do? im sorry...im sorry" he grasped your hand and fell onto his knee

"stop" you choked out, looking at him with tears in your eyes. "listen...Its not forever, just give me some space....please"

"why...this is so...." he whispered, crying as he looked up at you, "please think this through. let me come with you-"

"taehyung....look at me, Im not breaking up with you, I just need space, and if you wont let me do that..." you shrug, "then what are we doing here?"

He looks down at his hands

"thank you, okay? thank you for giving me all of this, and Im sorry it didnt work out, but we need to have time away so we can come back stronger, okay?" you choked out before going back to what you were doing.

Taehyung at some point in the conversation gave up at trying to convince you to stay, he realized his words were no longer effective, and you were gonna walk away from him no matter what he said.

He felt your grip loosen, specifically within the past few weeks. You were slowly slipping away and he knew it, but he didnt want to think it was anything you two couldnt fix, he needed you just as much as you needed him.

He knew he would wait, and if you left and needed space, then he would let you do so.

"fine..." he whispered, feeling one hundred percent defeated as his eyes watched you gather your things. "w-when....are you leaving?"

you sniffed, "tomorrow morning"

"i'll go with you to the airport" he said quickly, making your grasp on your bag tighten.

"okay" you mumbled.

Its not that you didnt love Kim Taehyung, its that you loved him too much to be wrapped in this drama with him all the time. Things will be well for a while then something happens, something always happens, and its not fair.

to either of you.

You regretted saying the baby thing the moment it came out of your mouth, but you were always bad at dealing with emotions. After some time alone with your mom you would need to do some major damage control.

You only wanted 2 weeks alone, its not like you were leaving for 2 years, why was he being so stubborn about this?

It was a fairly quite car trip at 6am the next morning to the airport.

The grey clouds that toppled over you set the tone of the day for taehyung as he parked among the cars in the lot. The last time you two were at this airport was when you arrived here, hopes high for not only the trip, but a positive change in eachothers future.

one that never came.

he walked you inside all the way to your gate, watching as crowds of people gathered nearby.

"well...." he whispered, watching the way his feet scuffed the floor beneath him.

"well..." you repeated, turning to look at him. "its only a few weeks"

Taehyung nodded, repeating the extent in his brain like it would reassure him.

"we will come out of this as better people" you mumbled, reaching up to hug his tightly, hands finding the familiar pattern of running down his back, squeezing him.

"I hope" he exhaled, hugging you just as tight.

Once you pulled away, your faces close together, you looked into his eyes and took every ounce within you to avoid tearing up. Before bed last night, you both discussed the properties of this situation, and what exactly it would entail. You apologized for your words, as did he, and now here you both were at the end of the terminal waiting for your plane to be called so you can head back to korea without him.

"about the baby...." you whispered, looking at him

"I know...you dont have to apologize again. y/n, I dont care who's it was, I honestly dont. nothing would have led me away from you" he reassured, "I just want to make sure you will be okay on the flight"

You nod slowly, "i will be fine, moms picking me up when I land so..."

"good, thats good"

"yup, and i'll text you when im at home okay?" you spoke

"got it"

"you'll wait for me?"

"i'll wait for you" he whispered, kissing your forehead.

"even if im the most awful person?"

Tae laughed softly "you arent, but even if you were, yes"

You nod sadly, finally allowing the tears to spill as he immediately hugged you close to his chest again. its not a goodbye, its a "see you later", right?

"dont cry...this is what you wanted"

You pull back, wiping your eyes "yeah...yeah"

The speaker above your heads announced boarding for your plane. Grabbing the tickets from your bag, you looked at taehyung once more and smiled weakly, "i'll see you, okay?"

He smiled, nodding "i'll be there when you need me" please need me

You waved, quickly turning so he wouldn't see you crying again as you made your way down the tunnel, your body now hidden behind the herd of other passengers.

"love you" he whispered to himself, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he realized his current state, alone.

He hasnt been alone in months, and it provided a certain uncomfy feeling that ran through his body, almost disturbing. He knew he would be returning to the hotel and packing so he could visit his own mother and father back in Busan. Explaining that situation to them will be its own event.

How could something so sweet and beautiful always find its way to trash? to devastation? it was what you two thrived on, and perhaps time apart was needed after all.

He would wait for you

He would wait for your laugh, your eyes, the way you whispered, the way you nagged him over being messy, or how you fussed when he forgot to eat again.

But....how long exactly would he do so?

taglist-

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

[goathico]

Spiderverse OC: Splitwidow

AU Details for fun :)

Story sinopsis from SpiderIguano's POV:

Radioactive spiders were set loose on my island by the US government. They started testing on my island 1955 days ago, they've done this before, mainly to our women and our sister island Vieques. This time it was most of the population, and it ended badly… again.

Some went insane, some died, others weren't affected, but a few of us... well... let's just say we got lucky.Many took advantage of this and went to attack the US government, others attacked our government, but they both failed. Shortly after they shut down the airports, but people have fled and come in just to see the havoc. As society crumbles we're focusing on lowering the crime rates while trying to keep our hopes up, but not me.

I didn't chose this, and I don't want this. I don't care about people, they couldn't care less about me to begin with. Not that I don't understand, because I do… and I'd ditch myself too.

Other story details:

These are spidersonas, self inserts (can't speak for spideriguano he didnt want me to clarify, but treat it with respect). SpiderIguano belongs to a friend who would like to stay anonymous.

The story is a very short cómic about two friends dealing with having complicated mental disorders and trauma background that ended up destroying their relationship.

Split (my spidersona)

Split is a man who isolates when he's going through harship, he usually warns of his need of space but this still strains his relationships. If anyone hurts him too many times he usually cuts ties with them immediately. He's a man on a journey, and although he's struggling mentally he wants to heal desperately and will do anything to get better. And this leads him to a journey of taking matters in to his own hands and stopping those who severely harm others.

Splitwidow is known to roam in the shadows, no one's seen him or knows what his suit even looks like. But what they do know is his behavior can go from erratic and unplanned to calculated and complex. He works alone. An urban legend of sorts. The male siren and black widow.

Iguano (not mine)

The anger in him fuels his every day life. He didnt have a filter and the price wasnt just his reputation but everything he had. His heart was in the right place and he thought that was all that mattered, but he went about it the worst way he posibly could've chosen. Turns out being cruel with good intentions wasnt going to be taken right by many, he recognized he was in the wrong. He was no victim, he became the very thing he hated, a bully and at wost an abuser. It angered him to see his friends hurting and staying in places that ruined them more. He'd do anything to try and get them out. Thus the bridges burned, and nothing was the same.

He decided he won't have any friends until he can prove to himself he can change, he can be kind and caring. He wont try to control, even if he has good intentions, it wasnt his place to do whatever he wanted. His childhood will not define him anylonger. His anger will not control him. He will be better.

Motivated by growth and the idea that although he can't be forgiven, he can atone and make up for all the harm he's done to others. Especially the friend he accidentally hurt in their lowest moment. He dresses up at night and patrols around town to find some peace of mind. Reflecting on his behavior and ways to deal with himself from the roots of his issues. He drifts inside his own moral dilema. What are you supposed to do when your friends are stuck in a dangerous relationship and they refuse to leave?

It kept him up at night.

During his patrol he discovers the spider verse society who have tried their hardest to deal with the islands mess. Every Puerto Rican and their mother despises them and what theyre chosing to do. Something something, the canon is broken. Along the way the Rebells find him and try to convince him to join, the rebellion is lead by Teo, someone who despite being bitten by a spider didnt develop anything special, the unsuspecting genius trying to stop the spidercanon police. After getting close to Teo, he finds out about Split who's known to not trust anyone except, well, Teo.

If he can heal enough to become a better person, befriending that Split idiot might as well be his biggest achievement in this journey.

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @iamburdened - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x she/her!reader

The King Of Wishful Thinking

Spencer Reid had been in love before, he knew the symptoms as well as he did any other sickness. He could tell that it had started the first day he saw you, much to his dismay. Hotch introduced you to the team as his PA, but added that the title was vague because you were going to help out any member of the team who needed it. All of the boring parts of the job, filing and other office-based tasks that the rest of the team dreaded. While the profilers went away on cases, you kept all of their things in order back at Quantico, and you’d stay late to make sure you were there to give them a full report when they got back. You were efficient from the get go, a lifesaver amongst the team when you offered to take their piles of paperwork and sort them. But, of course, the one person who didnt need help with any paperwork was the one person more desperate than any other to speak to you.

At first, you offered Spencer help as much as you offered everyone else, but after he stumbled through the politest rejections you’d ever experienced, and the team continually joking that he definitely didnt need help, you stopped offering to avoid irritating him. He had hoped that the lack of communication would extinguish the fire you’d lit within him, but oh, how wrong he was.

“Good morning Doctor Reid!” You called gleefully as you entered the building, your eyes immediately landing on Spencer, who sat at his desk idly writing out impossible maths equations.

He didnt say anything in reply, just beamed at you, and you approached him to sit on his lap, the two of you laughing in between passionate kisses-

“Hey, kid, you alright?” Derek nudges Spencer, pulling him out of his daydream.

Spencer’s gaze had been fixed on the glass doors awaiting your arrival, and Derek was aware like the rest of the team that this distractedness was not common with the young genius.

“Y-Yes, Im fine!” Spencer splutters, clearing his throat and straightening his tie, eyes frantically darting around the room as though to prove he hadnt been zoned out staring at the door for several minutes.

“What’s been up with you lately, man-“ Derek begins to ask quietly, but he’s interrupted.

“Good morning Doctor Reid!” You call gleefully as you push through the glass doors, leaning on them with your back because your arms are stacked with papers.

“Good morning (Y/N)!” He squeaks back, waving awkwardly, causing your smile to widen into a beaming grin.

In his daydreams, Spencer manages to be an awful lot smoother, but your genuine kindness is not something his mind conjures up. He had hoped you not talking to him would kill his crush on you, but of course, you being as lovely as you are, you made sure to greet him every single morning so that he never felt left out. The rest of the team had the easy route when it came to speaking to you, Spencer had to wait for specific opportunities, such as the one Derek Morgan has happened to witness.

Derek laughs and sits back on Spencer’s desk. “Ah, I see.”

“What do you see? I dont see anything. You dont see anything!” Spencer is rising from his desk in what can only be described as sheer panic, literally walking into the rail of the stairs as he tries to walk around Derek to get to them, causing Derek to laugh even harder.

“Kid’s got it bad!” He teases.

“I dont ‘got’ anything!” Spencer snaps, but the nervous higher pitch to his voice gives him away.

The team head to the round table to discuss today’s case. Just as Penelope begins describing the victims, Spencer happens to glance at the doorway. And there you are, across the walkway, headphones hiding your ears as you dance around the printer.

“Given the extent of paperwork waiting for us in Florida, I’ve asked (Y/N) to join us on this case.”

Spencer’s eyes widen as he slowly turns back to Hotch, unable to believe the words that got through to him despite being completely distracted by you. He mentally scolds himself, of course the mention of your name is the only thing that can pull him away from staring at you.

“(Y/N)?” Hotch calls, but you continue dancing around the printer, completely oblivious.

The team chuckles as they watch you, smiling fondly as you pick up the files you printed and take your headphones off. Hotch calls your name again, and this time you jump out of your skin. Turning to face the round table, you already have your eyes closed and your mouth pressed to a thin line, realising you’d forgotten you were supposed to be with the team. You jog over to the round table, your headphones bouncing around your neck.

“Sorry about that! Ditziness is next to godliness!”

The team laughs, Spencer’s smile lingering longer than anyone else’s.

“Honestly, Im not sure why Im coming considering you have the world’s fastest reader right here!” You exclaim, gesturing to Spencer, who immediately sits up straighter.

“The world’s fastest reader is actually Howard Stephen Berg, who can read 25,000 words per minute, but Maria Teresa Calderon, from the Philipines, claims to beat that with 80,000 words per minute-“ Spencer pauses, then smiles bashfully while mentally facepalming. “-and you were just complimenting me, werent you? Thank you.”

Spencer lowers his head, blushing furiously as Derek and Rossi slap his back, everyone at the round table sharing a laugh.

On the jet, Hotch informs everyone that you’re just collecting your things from your bag, but you’ll be right with them. Spencer takes a window seat at the back of the jet, and Emily quickly plops down beside him.

“You should ask her out.” She says simply.

“What!?!” Spencer squeaks, trying to express his outrage as quietly as possible.

“You should ask her out!” Emily repeats.

“No way!” Spencer shakes his head furiously.

“Why?” Emily questions, as though he’s refusing the easiest thing in the world.

“She doesnt- she couldnt- the majority of outcomes would be horrific!” Spencer struggles, stumbling over his words.

“Would the outcomes really be horrific, or are you just too scared to admit you might actually have a shot with someone?” Emily asks in a hushed voice.

Before Spencer can reply, Emily’s eyes dart to the jet doors and she jumps out of the seat next to Spencer, leaving it empty just in time for you to arrive. He looks out of the jet window, pretending to be deep in thought.

“Is this seat taken?” Spencer hears you ask, and he discretely pinches his thigh to make sure he isnt dreaming.

He turns his head to look at you. “N-No!”

You smile and sit down beside him, pulling a blanket over yourself that Spencer hadnt even noticed you were carrying. You catch Spencer staring at it and shrug.

“This is a 13 hour flight, best thing to do is get a nap in before everyone else so that when I am awake everyone else is sleeping, then I can get some work done. Or, I can have conversations without worrying about a team of profilers listening in!” You raise an eyebrow, causing Spencer to chuckle, he understands your point on a spiritual level. He thinks you’re going to go to sleep, but you continue talking to him. “If you like, we can both sleep and then chat once we wake up. Since we’re next to each other and all.” You suggest, and his profiling instincts tell him you’re trying to be very casual about the suggestion, and the fact you’re avoiding eye contact makes him think you’re nervous about something. But what?

Spencer nods, also trying very hard to come across as casual about it. He hopes that because you arent a profiler you wont recognise that he’s trying so hard.

You smile at him and proceed to get snuggled up under your blanket. He waits until he hears your breathing slow, telling him you’re asleep, then he glances at you, to see you’re still smiling. His heart all but leaps out of his chest. Not wanting to miss out on an opportunity to have a private conversation with you that he doesnt have to initiate, Spencer settles in his own seat and closes his eyes, persuading himself to sleep.

The moment he drifts, you’re back again. What else would he dream about?

He was in his apartment, re-reading War And Peace, when he heard a knock at his door. He frowned, rose to his feet and walked to the door. When he opened it, he saw you standing there with two tubs of jello and two spoons, you held one of each out to him with a beaming smile on your face. Spencer wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into his apartment, lifting you and the jello into the air and spinning you around, before placing you back down on the ground to rest his forehead against yours and hold you close. He didnt kiss you, he didnt need to in that moment, because even dream-him knew not every moment required a kiss, and he didnt just want to kiss you. Sometimes, all he wanted was to hold you.

“Spencer?” You asked quietly.

“Hmm?” He hummed in reply.

“Spencer?!”

He jumps in his plane seat, eyes snapping open as he realises you are actually saying his name and gently shaking him awake. You laugh quietly.

“What were you dreaming about?” You ask curiously.

Spencer swallows nervously. “Jello.”

You nod in understanding. “Jello is a very good thing to have deep dreams about, congratulations.”

“Thank you?” Spencer says, somewhat confused and still half-asleep.

You cross your legs and turn to face him, sitting sideways on the jet seat with your blanket wrapped around you. “So! Let’s play a question game!”

Spencer frowns curiously. “Why?”

You shrug, gesturing to the rest of the team. “Nobody’s eavesdropping, I wanna get to know you, why else?”

Spencer’s heart skips a beat. “Why do you want to get to know me?”

You roll your eyes at him, but you’re smiling, so he knows you arent making fun of him. “Because you’re interesting! So, questions, are you ready?”

Spencer straightens his back, shuffling around in his seat as he feels the tension rise. He’s considerably taller than you, so he cant quite sit sideways on the seat, but he does his best to face you.

“Okay, you go first.” He says, allowing you to set the tone of the questions so that he can figure out what to ask you afterwards, but also so he can try and deduce what you want to know, specifically. There has to be a reason that you want to play this game.

“Are you comfortable with the way the team make fun of you sometimes?”

Well, of all the questions he theorised you would ask, that was not one of them. He’s stumped. Spencer shuffles and repositions in his seat as he frowns, formulating an answer.

“Most of the time I know they arent being cruel, they’re my friends, but sometimes it does get to me, I guess. Everyone has bad days.” Spencer explains, and you nod, but he cant hold back from continuing. “I dont want to waste my question asking this, but could you tell me why you asked that?”

You smile at him. “We dont talk much, but I pay attention to you, which I suppose is a consequence of that. Since I dont know you very well, and dont get many chances to talk to you in order to change that, I try and figure you out by paying attention. I notice them making fun of you, and sometimes I want to jump in and defend you, but I feel it isnt my place, Im not quite in tune with the team dynamic just yet.”

Spencer feels his heart swell at your words. Despite barely knowing him, you care about him that much? And you want to figure him out?

You nod at him. “Your turn to ask a question!”

Spencer clears his throat. “Why do you make the effort to talk to me when it isnt in your job description?” He immediately sees how taken aback you are, and he’s quick to rephrase. “It’s not that I dont enjoy you talking to me - I very much do - I just dont know why you bother, because you have to talk to everyone else as part of your job. You dont need to talk to me, but you choose to, and I dont know why.”

You tuck your hair behind your ear and avoid eye contact, instead looking over to double check that the rest of the team are definitely asleep, as you try to find your words.

“Well, like I said, you’re interesting. I want to get to know you, and the fact you dont need my help means that I cant use that as an excuse to talk to you, like I can for everyone else. In order to get to know you, specifically, I have to make the extra effort.”

Spencer’s stomach drops. Is he just like everyone else to you? Do you simply want to get to know him in the same way you know the rest of the team?

“Why do you stare at me?”

Suddenly, the entire world stops. Spencer swears he can feel his blood freezing in his veins. He doesnt know how it never crossed his mind that during his zoned out moments, you could quite easily see him. Oh god.

“I...find you interesting, too.” He begins, intending to stop talking right then and there, but his mouth has other ideas. “What I mean is, you make me interested in you- but not in an objectifying way, I just mean that- you are so effortlessly mesmerising and I dont- I cant- and you dont feel the same way, which is fine, Im just somebody you work with that you barely know- you dont want to know me in the same way and that’s fine- I just-“

You lean forward and cover his mouth with your hand, silencing his ramble.

“Spencer, take a breath.” You tell him, but the smile on your face makes it very difficult for him to do that. Taking your hand away from his mouth, you settle back in your seat. “I said I wanted to get to know you like I do the rest of the team because I was trying to retain some professionalism, while being wrapped up in a blanket and sitting criss-cross-apple-sauce.”

Spencer cant help but laugh at that, and in doing so you put him completely at ease, despite his heart beating a mile a minute.

“But, since you just metaphorically threw the remaining professionalism out of the jet window, we’ll replace it with honesty. Im interested in you, Spencer, and in the same way you are interested in me.” You explain to him, your words deliberately slower so that they sink in.

And just like that, you have Doctor Spencer Reid speechless. He keeps his gaze locked with yours as he very obviously pinches his own arm.

“Dont hurt yourself! What was that for!?!” You grab his hand and take it away from his shoulder, holding it in yours so that he doesnt try and pinch himself again. The care you have for him could make him cry.

“Just making sure this isnt another daydream. It’s been difficult to tell the difference recently.” Spencer tells you, his words barely above a whisper. Before he can stop himself or overthink it, he asks the only question playing on his mind. “Can...Can I kiss you?”

Your cheeks flush pink as you nod slowly. The two of you lean in at a snail pace, it feels like someone is holding the brakes on gravity, slowing down a pull that cannot be resisted, it’s inevitable. His lips meet yours, directly above the arm of the jet seats between you. Every fibre of his existence is set alight. Spencer has a momentary worry that the fireworks have the strength to blow up the plane, but he’s reminded how irrational that is when the overwhelming bliss takes ahold of him again. One of your hands lets go of his, to feel up his chest and around the back of his neck, to card through his hair. Spencer’s hands hold onto yours, treasuring every aspect of this, savouring the ecstasy of this event being in the real world rather than just in his head. He pulls away first, breathless and grinning.

“Would this be a bad time to correct an earlier statement?” Spencer asks randomly.

“What statement?” Your brain is still rebooting after that kiss, you cant quite remember anything that was said before.

“My dream earlier.“ He explains.

“What?” You frown, even more confused after finding out what he’s referring to.

“It wasnt just about jello.” Spencer admits, his grin cheeky.

You laugh and shake your head at him, using the hand that’s still in his hair to pull his lips back to yours.

Maybe wishful thinking can get you somewhere after all.

[theddude]

Desperate

Im desperate for you touch, your smile, you presence, your huggs, your love, your little signs of affection, your kisses, your intimacy, your care and attention.

Im maybe a fool, waiting for your love, but I'd rather die as a fool than die as wasted love..

Am I selfish when I miss you? Or is you beeing you just so much to me that I captivates my live,...yes is the answer to that.

Maybe it doesnt help you at all, at this moment, but yes, I love you more than anything, so much it makes me cry thinking about loosing you, ...and you know how hard it is for me to cry...I have trouble functioning, dont feel sorry for me! But you is all my life is about

I know you are strugling now and I wished I could be there for you, to hold you to cuddle you to be there for you, to take care for you...

But I know your life with your spouse goes on, that hurts tbh... It is painfull to notice your spouse knew it all along and now has leaverage on you because of us...offcourse he hasnt but I think he has that thought. Its disturbing to notice how he behaved(s)... he will be a manchild for live,..

I fear that your plan of leaving me like you said after our first breakup is killing... because you also said that you dont wanna loose me...and yet you did ditched me again...I hope you know that your life is not chained up now because of your spouse. If your marriage makes you chained that I advice to reconsider ... I know all the confersations we had about him not giving a flying fuck about you, that you didnt had to do your best of hiding our intimate relationship, that says a lot...

To be honest, after the first break up my hart was shatered, I did picked up the pieces hoping and knowing you still love me. You luckily came back, however the second time after a short period of you breaking up again with me, my hart shatered again in more little pieces. I picked it up again. Knowing you still had to love me, because you are you...im still in love with you, and am still waiting on you, and you are always welcome at my place and in my arms and in my soul, because you cannot leave my soul, no matter how many times you break contact with me...

We dont have contact now, it hurts, im hurt, im sure you are hurt to, my life stopped now... and yours will go through just like after the first breakup...I know you, you will never forget, but so will I. And yes I cry, I cry a lot, lots of times during the day and nights... don't think that will pass because what now happend the last few months is life changing on so many ways...

I wish you well and I wish you all the wisdom, and yes offcourse you are welcome to talk to cuddle to hugg to do things together, and believe it or not...but im not angry at you. I am very upset but not angry at all! Im also upset about the relationship you now have...wished you so much better and more than this... don't know if it wise to say but its not okay...its just wrong... you deserve better, more, equal, free,... I hope people stop taking advantage of you for their own personal plan of life...

My marriage purposal still stands and will stand with you, I dont care how and when but it will stand until we are married...

Im lost now, this will last... I wont love again other than you its a fact, and you know it to. Im sorry if it hurts what im writing, but its what im feeling, and im hurt...

Maybe im a fool, maybe im stupid, maybe im a dick, maybe im not worthy, maybe im ugly, maybe im pathetic, and maybe I dont deserve to be alive at all, but i know im desperate...

Im desperately in love about you. And maybe you are not that into me as i am into you,... if that is true...time will tell...

But i will wait,.. you still have my keys you know where i live.. your welcome.. and if your not into me at all anymore, thanx for the joy and good times, thanx for the love you shared, the care you give, the feeling you gave me, the intimate moments we had, the awesome sex we had, all the huggs and all the time that your head was on my chest or shoulder...

I won't say farewell, i won't say goodbye, just see you later,.. now or in another lifetime,..

Your love,

Patrick

[evilgirlboob]

oh i say!

i visited that "twitter" platform everyone keeps talking about and a self-proclaimed indo-iranian man who had survived a... stampede(?) at a white speed competition (i am sadly ignorant as to what this is) who also claimed in his "username" to have been born in the late 15th century ad called me a word i shall not repeat and bid me return to my homeland of mexico at once.

another person with a fascination with the 6th letter of the standard greek alphabet was talking about how desperately they longed for a rooster that had once belonged to a hound... apparently this was some sort of euphemism for sexual intercourse with animals. when i expressed shock that theyd be so brazen, and concern on behalf of the animals, they told me i was afraid of those identical to myself(????) and promptly sent me various depictions of canine and equine coitus in rapid succession.

another man, wholly unprompted, sent me a photograph of his penis. it was a bad penis, altogether too large, but that wasn't the issue. the issue was that he had caught me off guard, and i was shocked and disgusted at his utter lack of manners.

i did, however, meet a kind woman who told me she loved what i had to say. she spoke only words of positivity and cryptic statements of a deranged beast of feline nature in her "bio" (no doubt short for biography, though knowing this inter-net, it could mean anything at this point.)

the last person i spoke to argued that— verbatim— "men cannot not be lesbians"— to which i was confused, as i was previously certain men had lived on the isle of lesbos— though i suppose i was wrong, and that only creatures simply called "lesbians" or "sapphics" (likely named after the deity of homosexuality, sappho) populated it. or something of the sort. they didnt tell me nicely, however, rather they said i was a "creep" and apparently only one face of the monolith that is the male sex.

what a vile thing to say. especially to a woman of my nature.

id never been so insulted in my life, except for countless other times, and so i resolved to leave at once.

what miserable place. i regret giving them my electronic mailing address, and i hope they never write me again.

one out of ten, do not recommend.