#i say half questioning bc my heart is breaking

[voxmilia]

Oisin's incredibly talented because as he's lifting one literal ship into the sky, he's sinking another metaphorical ship straight into the ground

[cimmanonrowl]

dbf!hotch where you have to be quick n quiet bc your parents are next door, and he's only staying for one night. heavy w the smut and tension 🤭

So It Goes...

It was summer break from University and you were home to spend time with your parents. And maybe Aaron was just as clingy as you because you woke up one morning with him in your room, admiring you in your sleep. And the night you spent together didn’t disappoint either.

Pairing: dbf!aaron hotchner x bfd!reader

Theme: smut heaven

Contents: age gap, secret relationship, sweet dom!aaron, sneaky, unprotected sex, cowgirl, creampie, gagging, oral (f) receiving.

The soft, feather-like touch on your cheek pulled you from the depths of sleep. The caress was gentle, almost ghostly, yet enough to rouse you even if you were unconscious.

“There she is…” you heard someone say; a familiar deep voice, soft and whispery. “Good morning, baby.”

Your eyes fluttered open, groaning lightly to yourself, while the hazy remnants of sleep gave way to early morning light filtering through your bedroom drapes. Someone’s warm hand still rested lightly on your face, occasionally rubbing your cheek with the back of their fingers. And your heart skipped a beat as you became fully aware of the presence, with the uncanny feeling of being watched.

“Aaron?” you grumbled, confusion threading through your voice. 

Blinking away the blur of sleep, you slowly whipped your head to the side. Only to be greeted by a sight that almost instantly knocked a breath out of your chest.

You rubbed your eyes quickly, half expecting him to vanish, a figment of your frail imagination. But he was still there, smiling softly at you, his eyes crinkling at the very corner. His affectionate gaze narrowed down on your face alone, full of tenderness that melted away any lingering drowsiness in your brain.

“Aaron? W-what— what?”

“Hey…” he murmured, chuckling a little as he saw your baffled reaction, his voice deep and soothing as always. “I’m sorry, I just... I couldn’t wait to see you."

Your heart warmed with a mix of joy and confusion, but also a pang of worry. How did he even manage to sneak into your room, you don’t know. But here he was, tucking the stray strand of hair behind your ear, staring back at you as if you were the most precious thing in the world. It feels surreal, like a dream you’re afraid to wake up from.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, voice still groggy and croaky from sleep.

You know for sure that you look like a mess. Maybe with a drool at the corner of your mouth, or a trace of sleep in your eyes. But you couldn’t bring yourself to care. Not when Aaron was looking at you like this, not when all you see is love and longing, not with the fact that your parents must be somewhere downstairs waiting for you both to come down and join them for breakfast.

Aaron chuckled softly, the sound of a sweet melody to your ears. “I missed you,” was all he said, as if that explains everything. 

And knowing your boyfriend, maybe it does.

You reached up, your hand covering his on your cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin against yours. “I missed you too,” you admitted, “But how? Where’s Dad? Mom? How did you get here?”

You kept glancing towards the door after your question, imagining it to burst open at any moment; your father with a rifle in his hands, your mother crying behind him. You shuddered at the image; it was surely exaggerated, and not exactly how you planned for them to know your relationship with Aaron.

“They went out to the local market,” he explained shortly, frowning as he noticed the worry lines on your face. “They’re buying meat and groceries for their anniversary party later. Your Mom told me to get some rest instead of helping them; saw my chance and sneaked in.”

Just with what you heard, relief and excitement coursed through your veins. So you’re here all alone with Aaron, and the house is silent and empty. You can’t help but feel a thrill at the audacity of it all. “We still have to be careful,” you said, although your voice carried a hint of anticipation.

Aaron’s smile turned a bit more mischievous, his fingers tracing a gentle line along your jaw. “I know, princess,” he replied, his voice dropping to a low murmur. “But right now, it’s just you and me.”

“Oh?” your eyebrows perked as you picked up the insinuation. “So what are you gonna do about it?”

The smirk on his face grew at the challenge. And his touch lingered, the warmth of his hand spreading through you. His eyes darkened with desire, and you feel a similar heat rising within you.

“Do you have any idea how hard it is not to touch you while you sleep?”

You snorted. “Oh, shut up. Bet I look like a troll.”

“Hey, don’t speak to my girlfriend like that,” he scolded lightheartedly, pinching the side of your stomach. “You always look like an angel.”

You tried hiding your blush with an eye roll.

There he is again with his confessions; sweet, little words dripping like honey in this early morning. With Aaron, those words never felt forced, never felt like an empty expression. Maybe it has to do with the way he says it, or the way he never tore his imploring gaze away from you, or maybe you trust him so much that you willingly listen to everything he says. With no complaints. No doubts.

Aaron leaned in slowly, “I’ve missed you so much, baby. My bed feels empty without you.”

“It’s only been two weeks, Aaron.”

He frowned as if that insulted him, his thick eyebrows tugging together. “Your point being?”

“You’re clingy,” you laughed in amusement, tipping your face away from him, avoiding his lips that kept chasing yours.

A firm grip on your hip stopped you from moving.

“What are you doing?” he demanded, a confused frown still plastered on his face. “I’m trying to kiss you.”

“I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.”

“And do I look like I care?”

“Ew,” you scrunched your nose to feign disgust. “Really, love?”

“Sweetheart, I eat my own cum as it drip down your ass. Do you think—”

You slapped both of your palms on your face, groaning at his words. What the hell. You expected a different response. Not these dirty, crude words. Why would he even say that?

“Aaron!”

“What?” he only laughed– he always does, he always enjoyed seeing you blush like a tomato. “It’s true, sweetheart. What do you think will stop me from tasting you?”

Just as he said, it’s true. Nothing has ever stopped him from showing you love and pleasuring you. He’s always got to have his hand on your body, on your waist, on your thighs; his lips on yours, or your skin; his head buried at the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent, and most of the time, in between your legs, eating your cunt.

“Whatever, old man. Come here,” you giggled, pulling his neck, his lips brushing against yours in a tantalizingly soft kiss. The softness of the contact sent a shiver all over your body, awakening a hunger that has been building up ever since the summer break began.

Aaron’s hand slipped from your cheek to the back of your neck, pulling you even closer, and deepening the kiss.

The house was wrapped in silence, yet the idea of doing something so illicit and dangerous under your parent’s roof made you tremble in anxiety– or was it pleasure? You don’t know. You can’t seem to know. Not with Aaron’s hand kneading your breasts, not with his lips trailing down to your pulsing cunt.

Your discarded underwear lay forgotten on the floor. And Aaron’s head finally nestled between your thighs, his breath hot against your wet and throbbing pussy. His calloused hands rested firmly on your hips, and the first flick of his tongue against your clit sent shivers rising from the soft surface of your skin.

“Fuck, baby. You taste so good,” Aaron murmured, his voice deep and raspy as he glanced up.

His words crumbled your resolution, with Aaron’s expert lips and tongue moving with a tenderness that bordered on reverence, exploring every inch of your cunt as if he had it all memorized– which he does. Every flick and twirl of his tongue, the vibration of his pleasured groans against your wetness, the desperate pleas that escaped your lips— he knows it all.

“Aaron…” you breathed, your voice trembling in a brimful of desire and need. “Don’t stop.”

Your hands found their way to his hair, tangling through the soft strands as you guided him closer, deeper. You bucked your hips abstractedly, creating an even more delicious friction. It was all overwhelming, full of ecstasy after two weeks of spending time away from each other. Aaron’s gaze flicked up to meet yours, watching you fall into pieces, a drunk look present in his eyes.

“I won’t, angel...” he promised. “I want you to feel everything.”

The secrecy almost felt sacred. The early morning light painted everything in a soft, dreamy glow, blurring the lines between your reality and both of your desires.

You watched him lick two of his fingers before slowly prodding them inside of your wet, dripping cunt. Aaron took your heavy moan and the satisfaction in your face as a signal to assault your pussy just the way he knows you like it, reaching spots that made you see stars behind your eyelids.

“God, I missed this… missed you...” you whispered, your voice barely audible as you felt your orgasm rising, building fast and deliberately. “A-Aaron… faster… please…”

The firmness of his touch, his caresses, his very presence; as the sensations built within you, you knew nothing could ever make you give up this moment.

All the while, his eyes held yours, tender and full of desire. “Whatever you want, baby,” his voice even softer as he said, “I’ll give you everything.”

The heavy smell of grilled meat and the sound of laughter filled the air as you stepped into the garden, wearing only a short, breezy dress that fluttered around your thighs with each step. The barbecue party is in full swing, with your family and some other neighbors gathered around, chatting and enjoying the warm afternoon. Your parents are busy at the grill, flipping burgers and ribs, chatting with each other, and laughing.

You quickly scanned the garden and spotted Aaron. He’s engaged in conversation with a small crowd of men, but as if sensing your gaze on him, his eyes quickly found yours. A warm, secretive smile spreads across his face, sending a flutter through your chest.

As you move through the crowd, greeting some of your neighbors and grabbing a plate of food, you can’t help but feel Aaron’s eyes on you. Oh, you knew that his eyes were on you. The dress you chose wasn’t just for comfort in the summer heat; it was an attempt to catch his attention, to feel his gaze, to make sure he was on the tip of his toes.

You found a seat at one of the picnic tables under the shade of an old tree. Aaron casually made his way over, each of his steps languid, his movements seemingly unhurried. And when he took the seat across from you, his leg brushed against yours under the table, sending a jolt of electricity through your body.

“Everything looks delicious,” you tried keeping your voice steady, your eyes flicking to his with a knowing look. “Have you eaten yet?”

“Hmm…” he nodded, his gaze lingering on you a moment longer than necessary. His foot nudges yours playfully, hidden from the view of the others.

“Stop,” you chuckled, shaking your head at his childishness.

“You look gorgeous.”

“Thanks. I know.”

He raised an eyebrow, smiling. “How cocky.”

Throughout the small gathering, the two of you stole clandestine glances. There isn’t a moment where you felt Aaron wasn’t paying attention to you. Occasionally, Aaron’s hand would graze yours when reaching for the salad bowl or the pitcher of lemonade, each touch brief and only for a lingering moment.

At one point, you excused yourself to grab yourself a drink. As you walked past by Aaron, you felt his hand subtly brush the small of your back, a fleeting touch that sent a thrill through your pulsing cunt. You can feel your underwear slowly getting soaked in anticipation for tonight, as you already know he’s staying.

You glanced over your shoulder and met his eyes, and saw the same spark of desire mirroring in there.

The afternoon crawled excruciatingly slow, and as the sun began to set, the sky a pale hue of salmon and lilac, the guests started to gather around the fire pit. You took a seat on a wooden bench, with Aaron joining you shortly after. 

He sat beside you.

A bold move.

You became hyperaware of everything: the closeness of his body next to yours, the occasional brush of his hairy arm, the deep rumble of his laughter as he chimed in the conversations of others. Nobody seemed to mind why Aaron chose to sit beside you of all places. Nobody even batted an eye. But for some reason, it made your toes tingle in anxiety.

Your parents are nearby, laughing and sharing stories with their other friends, blissfully unaware of the castle of dirty thoughts you built in honor of your father’s dear best friend. God, it feels so wrong. But you’d let the whole world crumble to dust than let go of this feeling.

As the sky darkened, you found a moment when the two of you were left alone. Aaron leaned in, his voice a low murmur meant only for your ears.

“You okay, baby? You’re quiet,” he observed, his eyes scanning your face with worry.

“I’m fine...” a shy smile played on your lips. “Enough with the beer now, please. You look red.”

A smile rose on his lips as he nodded, setting down the half-finished bottle on the ground to follow your order. When his attention landed on you again, you mirrored the smile tugging on his lips.

His hand found yours under the bench, fingers intertwining in a gesture that’s both innocent and intimate. “I wish we could be together openly,” he whispered, his thumb gently rubbing soft circles on your knuckles.

“Someday, yeah?” you whispered back, squeezing his hand. “Are you tired of this?”

“No, Jesus Christ,” he whispered, almost to himself, voice quiet and absentminded. “But it reminds me you’re graduating in a few months.”

“Right, can’t wait to escape that hell.”

Aaron snorted, throwing you a glance. “You wanted to enter law school, remember?”

“Because I wanted to impress my now boyfriend, remember?”

His eyes softened, and you could see amusement and affection filtering through them. “You didn’t have to impress me, baby, you’ve got me at the palm of your hand,” was what he said, lifting your hand to his lips and pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles.

The party went on until the evening. The faint sounds of the gathering still lingered in your mind— all the laughter, the clinking of glasses, and the stolen glances between you and Aaron. Your heart fluttered as you recalled his eyes meeting yours across the crowded yard, his piercing eyes observing you from afar.

You laid in bed, feeling your pulse quicken as you waited, the anticipation almost too much to bear. Then, you heard it— a gentle knock on your door. 

You rose quietly, wincing at the sound of your bedsheet rustling upon your movements. In quick strides, you crossed the room and swung the door carefully, so softly, until there he was again. In front of you.

“Hi,” you whispered, a smile spreading across your face. “Come in.”

Aaron locked the door behind him, and the room felt suddenly warmer, his presence filling the space with a palpable energy. You stepped closer, and he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a tight embrace.

“What a torture...” Aaron murmured lazily, his lips brushing against your ear. “Wanted to be near you every second.”

“Huh,” you said teasingly, poking the side of his ribs. “And you dare say I’m the clingy one in this relationship?”

He leaned in, his lips meeting yours in a kiss that was both gentle and intense. The heat made you pull him even closer, deepening the kiss, letting yourself lose your mind in his warmth and touch.

Aaron’s hands moved to cup your face, his thumbs brushing against your cheeks. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, his eyes locking onto yours. “I can’t believe you’re mine.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one saying that?”

“Oh, please, baby. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

He led you to the bed with guided steps. Aaron’s touch was tender, the fingers trailing over your skin made your heart ache, and your cunt pulse in hot desire.

You looked into his eyes, finding a reflection of your own need. His gaze was affectionate yet filled with an intensity that made blood rush to your cheeks.

“Need you...” your voice was barely audible in the stillness. “Fuck me good, baby.”

He smiled, a slow, intimate curve of his lips that made you catch your breath. “With your parents next door? Sound dangerous…” he replied softly, leaning in to brush his lips against yours in a sweet kiss.

You could feel the tension of the day melting away. Aaron’s hands moved slowly as if he was savoring every moment, every touch. He kissed a trail from your lips to your jaw, and down to your neck, his breath warm against your skin, leaving a wet path in its wake.

As his kisses grew more insistent, you felt a wildfire ignite within you, the desire that had simmered all day finally threatening to spill. You pulled him closer, even more closer, your fingers tangling in his hair, deepening the kiss with a pace that matched his own.

While Aaron’s hands roamed around your body with such possessiveness, the only sounds in your room were the soft rustle of sheets and your quiet whining. He explored every inch of your skin with a silent plan to conquer. To take. To remind you how you and your body are his and his alone.

“Be quiet, little girl, or I’ll gag you,” his eyes darkened with warning. “Can’t have your parents know their good girl is a dirty slut, can we?” he mumbled hotly in your ears.

“Y-yes, sir...”

You lifted your hips as you felt his hands playing with the waistband of your underwear. And you couldn’t do anything when he said “Open up wide,” and slipped the crumpled fabric of your soaked underwear inside your mouth.

“Be a good girl and stay quiet for me, hm?” he whispered again, his voice soft yet taunting.

And you could only nod because your words were caught right in your throat. Literally.

Aaron moved swiftly and with urgency this time, as he was aware of the risk of what you were doing. It was exhilarating; sharing this secret, him forcing you to keep quiet— you’ve never been quiet, not when his big, girthy cock stretched you wide, ramming in and out of your tight pussy.

“Fuck, baby, so warm…” Aaron grumbled lowly, biting on his hand as you sank deeper into his cock.

You kneaded on your tits, rubbed your nipples as you stared back at Aaron, lowering yourself to ride his hard cock. A low whimper rumbled in your chest as you felt the burn of the stretch, your moans muffled by the fabric serving as your gag for tonight.

“That’s it, angel, move your hips like that. Fuck,” Aaron closed his eyes as he felt your cunt tighten with your slow movements. “Fucking hell, baby. You’ll kill me one day.”

You started bouncing on his cock in no time, fast and hard, feeling his hands on your thighs tighten in restraint. Your air flow was restricted by the gag on your mouth, making you breathe heavily, noisily, accompanied by the quiet flapping of sweaty skin and Aaron’s pleasured grunts.

“Fuck. Fucking hell, angel…” he groaned as he spread his knees and started fucking into you.

Your eyes rolled at the back of your head as he prodded the spots only he could reach. With bleary eyes, you watched how Aaron bit his lower lip and how his hips fucked into you with vigor, with the same need, struggling so hard to contain his noises.

Your eyes lingered on the solid plains of his hairy chest and rested your palm on the soft surface of his stomach, moving your hips to meet his desperate thrusts. Warm tears streamed down your cheeks with pleasure, with the nagging voice at the back of your head warning you not to make a mistake. To be quiet. To not ruin the moment.

Yet it’s all too much.

“You’re doing good for me, baby. You’re so gorgeous…” Aaron cooed as he noticed your tears. “You’re so tight. Fuck, you’re close already?”

You nodded dumbly, too fucked to even understand everything he just said.

“Go on then. Cum for me, baby,” Aaron smiled, slapping your thighs lightly. “That’s it, good girl. Ride my cock like that. Fucking hell, what a slut.”

You tried warning him. You wanted to tell him you’re close. To go faster. Harder. To let you come. To give you everything. To beg. But your quiet pleas were muffled, leaving a deep rumble of amused laughter on Aaron’s chest.

“What’s that, slut? Can’t hear you,” he taunted softly. “What do you think your parents would think if they saw you like this, hmm?”

You whined and whimpered as your thighs burned from the effort, finally letting Aaron take the control.

“I’m so close, baby... fuck, feels so good...” he too was breathing heavily. “Come for me, come on. Good girl. Tighten the cunt even more– like that, fuck!”

White hot pleasure blurred your vision as you felt your orgasm coursed through you. You felt Aaron tremble beneath your body, his hot load flooding your insides, his warm hand exploring your sweaty skin with a devotion that left you breathless.

“My jaw hurts…” you pouted as he gently took out the fabric on your mouth and tucked your face in the crook of his neck. “I love it, though.”

Aaron chuckled at your whiny voice. “I know it’s wrong but that’s so hot, darling.”

“I know…” you giggled weakly, feeling the palm of his hands roam at the surface of your back. “Can we do it again? I wanna... ride your stomach. Please, sir, can I? Didn’t you say I’m your good girl?”

Sorry for the long wait but thank you to Anon who requested this! As always, your replies, reblogs, and reactions are very much appreciated. See you on the next ones!

[freeabortionslol]

don't marry him (quinn hughes x bsf!reader) ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

summary: angst, quinn talks reader out of engagement, unrequited love (kinda), reader is a lawyer, lots of flashbacks, italics mean flashbacks, not a single y/n used (yay!) warnings!! anxiety, panic attacks, cursing, intense argument a/n: okay so I rly didn't know what to do with this bc it honestly felt wrong to have him confess his feelings in this moment LMAO so I think I'm def gonna do a pt 2. anyways this was the fic from my drafts that the people voted for so here it is!! hope u enjoy :)

wc: 4.1k

“You lost.” Quinn said, staring out at the Lake, not making eye contact with you.

“What?” You asked, twirling your flashy engagement ring around your finger. 

Max had come into your life at a time when everything felt uncertain. You were fresh off a series of career setbacks, questioning your worth and your ability to build the future you had always dreamed of. He was steady, charismatic, and above all, ambitious. Qualities you admired and felt you needed to anchor yourself. He made you feel secure in a world that often felt chaotic.

Quinn sighed, turning to face you slightly. “At life. You lost.” He mumbled out, taking a sip of his beer before turning back to the lake. Your face quickly softened with a hint of sadness.

“I-I didn’t lose. I’m happy and successful.” You said, your tone coming off with a hint of anger. 

You and Max met at a work conference, one of those overly formal events where you spent half the time pretending to be interested in panel discussions and the other half networking. Max had approached you during a coffee break, his easy confidence setting him apart from the crowd. His suit was perfectly tailored, his smile sharp but not unkind.

Quinn took one look at you, shifting in his seat slightly. “Y-You…you don’t want this.” Your heart thumped slightly, cracking your knuckles to drown out the sounds of your own thoughts. “I’m scared for you.” 

Max’s love came with conditions. He valued success above all else, and he expected you to do the same. Work always came first, even if it meant skipping family events or cutting vacations short for a meeting. He didn’t understand why you needed to spend time with Quinn, Luke, and Jack.

“Quinn, I love him. You know that.” Your brows furrowed in an attempt to make him understand. 

The engagement came as a surprise, even to you. It was during a charity gala, one of those glittering events Max thrived in. He had pulled you onto the stage during his speech, getting down on one knee in front of hundreds of people. The ring sparkled under the chandeliers, and the applause was deafening. You had said yes because saying no didn’t feel like an option. Not with Max’s expectant smile, the cameras flashing, and the weight of the moment pressing down on you.

“But do you like him?” His words sent a shiver down your spine as you continued to fidget with the ring on your finger. The ring that was far too heavy to be wearing constantly, its band made of gold instead of your preferred silver. His words hung in the air, the weight of them sinking in your chest like a stone tossed in the still waters of the lake. His gaze remained fixed ahead, unwavering.

Max wasn’t a bad man. He wasn’t cruel or unkind. But he didn’t see you, not the way Quinn did. He saw your potential, your ambition, but not the person you were when all the noise fell away.

“I-I…I don’t- of course I like him. What are you getting at?” You stuttered, confused about your own feelings on the matter. Quinn glanced at you with a side eye, taking another swig from his bottle before speaking.

“Really?” He asked, his heart shattering at the sight of tears welling in your eyes. “I see the face you make when he talks. It’s blank, unreadable. And when he laughs? Your eyes scrunch up like when we would drag you out of bed to get on the boat.” Quinn lets out an uncomfortable chuckle. “You really want to wake up next to his mustache every morning for the rest of your life?” You roll your eyes, posture slumping.

“Don’t make fun of him.” You warned, your voice becoming stern. Quinn bites the inside of his mouth before turning away. “I’m successful, Quinn.”

“Yeah-yeah, that’s great. You have all the fuckin’ money you could’ve wished for.” He huffs out with a sarcastic smile.

“Don’t do that. Don’t make me sound materialistic-” You crossed your arms, Quinn cutting you off quickly.

“Well it’s kind of hard when all you do is work and work-” His voice raises significantly.

“This is my dream! If you can’t accept the fact that i’m happy-”

“Yeah! And you’re so damn caught up in it that you don’t have time for us anymore!” He yells, sending you a look of anger. One you’d never seen before. He breathes heavily, trying to calm himself down as he moves to the edge of his seat. His eyes soften when he catches your expression, scared. He sighs reluctantly before he speaks again. “Luke notices the way you brush him off when Max is around. He notices how you never fly out to Jersey to see him and Jack like you used to.” Your breath hitched as Quinn’s words pierced through the air. His voice had calmed, but the raw emotion in his eyes cut deeper than his raised tone ever could. You looked away, not able to face the weight of his gaze, and stared at the rippling water instead. The golden light of the setting sun shimmered on the surface, mimicking the perfection you thought you’d built. 

“Luke said that?” You whispered, your voice barely audible. A lump formed in your throat, but you swallowed it down, refusing to let it show. You didn’t want this, not here, not ever. 

“Yeah.” He replied softly. “Jack see’s it too. They miss you.” Quinn turned his head to face you, your gaze still not meeting his. “I miss you.” You turned to glance at him, tears bubbling as you brushed a strand of hair from your face. You continued playing with your ring, biting your lip to hold the cries. 

You sniffled, wiping your nose with the sleeve of your sweatshirt. “This is my life. I won.” You croaked out. Quinn sighed, leaning back in his seat as he swirled the beer bottle in his hand.

“When we were kids, my Aunt Julia came over to visit us during christmas. Do you remember that?” He asked quietly, catching you off guard in a moment of vulnerability. You nodded your head, continuing to bite your lip. “She asked all of us- Me, you, Jack, and Luke ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’” Your eyes softened quickly, bringing your knees to your chest. “Do you remember what you said?” He asked, his tone empathetic.

“Yeah, a lawyer-”

“A mother.” He interrupted. The words hit you like a punch to the chest, knocking the air from your lungs. You froze, staring at Quinn as the memories hit like a tidal wave.

“I…I don’t remember that.” Your voice barely above a whisper.

Quinn gave you a sad smile, his eyes softening. “You do. You just don’t want to.” He brought the bottle to his mouth, looking out at the lake again. The two of you sat in the thick silence. Quinn, knowing he was winning this conversation and you, overthinking every little moment from the past two years. Tears began to escape your eyes as you stared out at the lake, refusing to look at Quinn. He turned to you, seeing how hard this conversation was for you. He wanted to pull you into him, let you cry into his shoulder until all the pain went away, but that wasn’t his job anymore. It was Max’s. The pain burned deep into Quinn’s chest as he recalled every memory he shared with you at this house. Jumping off the boat together on hot summer days, neighborhood barbecues where you would wear those short little sundresses he liked so much, your first kiss while playing spin the bottle together, and of course every deep conversation you shared on this back deck, in these exact chairs. When he was thirteen, he was sure of the fact that he would marry you. He never expected to be sitting here, watching you fiddle with an engagement ring that he didn’t buy. 

You blinked, wiping the tears from your face as you decided to face your fear of confrontation. “I-If I don’t work hard now, I won’t have anything left when I'm old and burnt out.” Quinn’s jaw clenched as he processed your words, his gaze fixed on the lake but his mind clearly elsewhere. He tilted his head back slightly, exhaling through his nose like he was trying to suppress his frustration. Your lip trembled, more tears falling by the second as you looked away. 

“H-He um-” You paused, taking a long sigh as you looked over at Quinn. “He says there’s no time for children in our career.” Quinn whipped his head over to you, his expression softening as he got lost in your words. 

“He’s a piece of shit.” Quinn mumbled, shaking his head as he returned his gaze to the lake. 

You licked your lips as you rolled your eyes. “He’s not a piece of shit, okay? He’s a good guy, you just don’t know him.” You said, your tone growing in frustration. Quinn looked over to you, mouth open, brows furrowed as if you’d just said the most unbelievable thing. 

He huffed out a small laugh before returning his eyes to the bottle in his hand. “You’re fuckin’ delusional.” He let out quietly, taking another sip. You whipped your head to him, your frustration quickly bubbling over. 

“Excuse me-”

Quinn was quick to interrupt you, his voice raised slightly. “You heard me. You’re fucking delusional if you think that’s love.” He rolled his eyes, looking back at you. 

You scoffed, licking your bottom row of teeth as you let out an uncomfortable laugh. “You’re an asshole, you know that?” Your expression had become serious, your tears stopping in their tracks. “This is love!” Your voice carefully rose in volume. “I fell in love,” You laughed slightly, letting a slight smile escape your lips out of frustration. “You’re just jealous.” 

Quinn’s face turned bright red as he took in your words. He looked down at his lap, then back to you. He bit the inside of his cheek, letting out an uncomfortable chuckle before speaking. “Jealous?” He asked, brows furrowed. “My god, you're so full of yourself sometimes.” He didn’t mean that and he knew, but you didn’t. You bit your lip, trying to hold back tears as your best friend tore you apart. “You seriously think i’m jealous of him?” He asked, his voice just below a yell.

“No, of me!” Quinn froze, his beer bottle mid air as the words echoed between the two of you. “You’re jealous because I found love and-”

Quinn slammed the bottle on the wooden deck, the sharp sound making you flinch. “Don’t.” He snapped, his voice shaking with anger. “Don’t twist this into me being the bad guy for giving a shit about you.” 

“You don’t give a shit!” You shot back, standing up as your emotions boiled over. “You just can't stand the fact that i’m not following you around like a fucking puppy anymore!” Quinn stood too, his frame towering over you, but his expression wasn’t filled with intimidation. It was filled with raw, unfiltered pain. 

June 23rd, 2012

Dear diary, today was pretty good. In the morning, Jack and Luke jumped on my bed to wake me up which sucked, but when are they not annoying? Anyways, they dragged me down to the lake for a boat day. We went with their dad and their brother Quinn (my future husband). Jack and Luke were doing this wakeboard surfing thingy so I decided to stay close to Quinn. He’s just sooo perfect. His hair is amazing and he smells so good. I wanna be his girlfriend like literally so bad but I can’t tell if he likes me or not. He held my hand when we jumped in the water which was literally the best thing that has EVER happened to me. Anyways, that was the most important thing that happened today.

“What are you reading? You don’t read.” Jack’s piercing voice pulled Quinn straight from focus. He quickly turned around, shutting the book immediately.

“Nothing uh- just something for school.” He stammered out. Jack furrowed his brows, crossing his arms. 

“It’s summer.”

“Yeah, summer reading.” Only it wasn’t summer reading. It was your diary, something personal and private. Quinn was only reading it to find out where you hid the hockey puck you stole, but he stumbled upon a catalog of entries about himself. Do you expect a thirteen year old boy to not read it? 

“Okay well, dinner’s in five minutes.” Jack said before spinning on his heel to exit the room. You liked Quinn, like really liked him and now he knows it.

“You need to think about what you just said.” Quinn said, his voice low. “Think about that and then compare it to every time I talked you through your panic attacks, or every time I picked you up at three in the morning when we were sixteen because you were too drunk to drive home, or every time I offered you a place to stay when your parents were fighting. Then, you can tell me if you think I give a shit or not.” He stared you down, his eyes becoming tense as your bottom lip began to tremble. 

“I didn’t-”

Quinn huffed out his breath, interrupting your speech. “Do you know how hard it’s been to watch you? To see you become someone I don’t even recognize anymore?” His voice became stern, raising in volume. “You don’t smile the same way anymore. You don’t laugh like you used to!” Your breath hitched, the weight of his words suffocating. You looked down at the ring on your finger, the glittering diamond that once felt like a prize but now felt more like a shackle. “You think I don’t care?” His voice was quiet, but the pain in his voice was unmistakable. “I’ve always cared. A-And seeing you like this, wearing that ring, in this life that’s clearly eating you alive? It kills me.” 

You licked your bottom lip, tears spilling down your face as you looked up at him. You swallowed the lump in your throat, letting out a shaky breath as you gathered your thoughts.

“Hey, babe. You almost ready?” You heard Max’s voice shout from the living room as you finished putting your earrings on. 

“Yeah, just a second!” You yelled back, fluffing your freshly blown out hair in the mirror. You took a deep breath as you looked yourself up and down in the dark green bodycon dress that Quinn had gotten you for your 21st birthday. You’d never put it on, but you assumed it was fitting for a work Christmas party. Was it too much? You thought to yourself as you ran your hands down the sides, seeing that the length was about an inch above your fingertips. You decided it was fine and made your way out of the bedroom, purse in hand as you walked to the living room. Max sat on the couch in his tailored Prada suit, a bit pretentious to wear to a work party. His legs were spread wide as he had one hand on his phone, and the other on the back of the couch. He looked up from the screen to glance at you in your dress. You gave him a soft smile, your shoulders tensing up as he furrowed his eyebrows. 

“It’s a bit short, don’t you think?” He asked as he ran a hand through his blonde hair. You looked down at your dress, then back up at him. 

“W-Well, I was thinking that a little. Should I change?” Your voice was shaky, filled with nerves at Max’s disapproval. 

He shook his head, standing from the couch with his hands in his pockets as he made his way to the door. “No, no. We're already gonna be late with how long you took to get ready.”

There were little moments like that that clouded your mind as you stood in front of Quinn. Your breathing was shaky, your face now fully engulfed in hot tears as he stared into your eyes. “You don’t get it.” You let out, your voice just barely above a whisper. “I’ve spent my whole life trying to find stability. To feel…safe.” Your voice cracked on the last word, and you swallowed hard, trying to steady yourself. 

“Safe?” Quinn repeated, his eyes locking with yours. “Is that what this is? Because it doesn’t look like it. You’re not safe. You’re trapped.” He gestured to the ring on your finger, his voice lowering at the depressed sight of you. Your lips parted, but no sound came out. You stared at him, your chest tightening as his words dug into the thoughts you’d been trying so hard to suppress. Quinn softened, stepping closer. “You deserve more than this.” he said, his voice breaking slightly. “And I think, deep down you know that.”

You bit your lip, sniffling your nose before wiping your tears with your sleeve. “I’m in too deep. I can’t get out.” You whispered, finally bringing yourself to the point to admit it. You weren’t happy, you knew that, but you couldn’t tell anyone. Well, you thought you couldn’t until Quinn finally pushed you to the point where there wasn’t another option. 

Quinn let out a sigh mixed with exhaustion and a hint of relief. He sent you an empathetic smile as he absentmindedly grabbed your hand, rubbing his thumb against the back of it. “You can.” He said, his voice quiet. “You’re not alone. I’m here…if you need help. I’m always gonna be here.” Your breath caught in your throat as Quinn’s hand enveloped yours, his warmth cutting through the icy wall you’d built around yourself. His touch was steady, grounding, and for the first time in what felt like forever, you felt a flicker of hope. His words echoed in your head, soft and firm. You stared down at his hand, the calluses on his fingers brushing lightly against your skin as his thumb moved in slow, soothing circles. It felt so familiar, so safe, and the contrast to Max’s cold indifference hit you like a wave. You couldn’t help but let all the emotions running like a swarm through your head push you to the point of breakage. You began to sob, your eyes still looking at your hands intertwined as your breath came out in short, stammered increments. Quinn didn’t waste any time before pulling you into his chest, allowing your sobs to escape into his shirt as he wrapped his arms around your body. He held you tightly, his arms wrapping around you like a shield against everything that had been weighing you down. His chin rested on top of your head as your tears soaked into his shirt, but he didn’t seem to care. His hand rubbed slow circles on your back, grounding you in a way you hadn’t felt in ages. 

“It’s okay,” He murmured softly into your hair. “I’ve got you.” You clung to him, your fists gripping the fabric of his shirt as if letting go would mean losing the only thing tethering you to solid ground. 

The room began to shrink in an instant, reading the text from your mother. “It’s final. Dad and I are separating. You and I are moving to Gran and Pop’s when you get back from the lake house, so I need you to pack up everything.” 

The tears came almost immediately, but that didn’t scare you. It was the feeling you got in your chest, like your heart was radiating pulses all over your body. Pounding over and over again, like the beating was the only thing you could hear. The sound of Quinn shooting pucks only made it worse, like each shot was another banging ache to your head. You tried to slow your breathing, but it felt like the most difficult challenge at that moment. Your breaths were short and hitched, gasping for air at any chance you got. Your hands shook as your phone fell out of them. You were terrified, you didn’t know what was happening. You couldn’t die, you were only sixteen. You still had so much to do in life. You tilted your head up, staring at the ceiling light, but that only made it worse. Quinn noticed when you didn’t say anything about the shot he’d just missed, immediately dropping his stick to run over to you.

“Hey, Hey. What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He said frantically as he leaned down to where you were sitting on the floor. You tried to tell him, tried to speak, but your head was stuck looking up, and you felt like you couldn’t move it. Quinn placed his hand on the back of your neck, pulling your head down to face him. Your face was covered in tears, completely red as your mouth parted slightly. “Talk to me.” He said gently. “Please?”

You licked your quivering lips, trying your hardest to breathe. “I-I…I c-can’t. I can’t b-breathe.” His heart dropped at your words, the panic in your voice cutting through him like a knife. His hands moved to gently cradle your face, his thumbs brushing away your tears even as more fell. 

“Okay, okay,” He said softly, his own voice trembling but steadying for your sake. “You’re having a panic attack. You’re not dying, I promise.” You gasped again, your breaths shallow and uneven, your chest tightening with each attempt. “Look at me.” He instructed. “Breathe with me. In through your nose, out through your mouth.” He blew out softly, his eyes locked on yours as he repeated the motion.

You tried to mimic him, but your breath was quickly caught in your throat, sending you a fresh wave of panic. “I c-can’t Quinn, I can’t!” You cried.

“Yes, you can.” He reassured, his hands never leaving your face. “I’ve got you. I’m right here. Just take it slow.” You managed a small, shaky inhale, your body trembling as you followed his lead. “There you go.” He said, his voice laced with a small flicker of relief. “Now, out through your mouth.” Quinn stayed with you, guiding you through each breath as the pounding of the room began to dull. Finally, your breaths came easier, the crushing weight on your chest lifting little by little. You looked at Quinn, your face still wet with tears.

“Thank you.” You whispered, your voice hoarse.

His thumbs still traced circles on your cheeks as he sent you a soft smile. “I’ve got you. You’re not alone.”

You stayed, sobbing into Quinn’s shirt as his grip around you tightened. He listened to your breathing patterns, looking out for a sign of a panic attack. He’d memorized you at this point. He knew the exact time to jump in, and he knew how to calm you down. 

“Quinn, I’m so scared.” You cried out, wrapping your arms around him to pull him closer. 

Quinn moved his hand from your back to your head, running his fingers through your hair. “I know.” He whispered. “I’m sorry.” He leaned back just enough to gently tilt your chin up with his fingers, his blue eyes meeting yours. They were soft, but filled with an intensity that made your heart ache. “You thought you had to want this.” He said, speaking the words you never had the confidence to say. “Doesn’t mean it’s right. It doesn’t mean it’s what you deserve.” You looked up at him, not seeing Quinn Hughes, captain of the Canucks, but your childhood best friend, Quinny, who talked you through every panic attack, walked you home from every party, and gave you a bed through every fight between your parents. That’s what you deserved. Someone willing to give you that much dedication, not some pretentious lawyer who only loves you for your accomplishments. In a moment of determination, after wiping your tears, you dramatically pulled off your engagement ring, slamming it on the railing of the deck. The sound of the ring hitting the wooden railing echoed in the stillness of the night, sharp and final. Quinn’s eyes darted to it, then back to you, his lips parting in surprise. You stood there trembling, not from fear but from the sheer weight of the decision you’d just made. Your chest heaved as the tears continued to fall. This time they weren’t from sadness, they were from release. Quinn hesitated for only a moment before stepping closer, his hand hovering over yours as if to silently ask for permission. When you didn’t pull away, he took your trembling hand in his, holding it like it was the most fragile thing in the world.

“You-” He started, his voice breaking slightly before he cleared his throat. “You did it.”

“I did it.” You whispered, almost in disbelief yourself. You stared at the ring, gleaming under the soft glow of the porch light. It had once symbolized everything you wanted, but now it felt like a chain you’d finally broken free from. 

[astralis-ortus]

it feels impossible (it's not impossible)

✱ bestfriend!bc × gn!reader

— 'cause you are the one i was meant to find.

w.count → 2k genre → romcom, fluff warnings → minor cussing (as per usual, heh), chan refered to as chris a.n → i'm usually not the type to write this long simply because i'm easily distracted and have the tendency to abandon projects, but hey! this one prevails :] hopefully next time i can write even longer fics<3 ⋆ see masterlist

honestly, you thought you were going crazy when the same melody restarted on chris’ speaker for the nth time today. it’s not that the song is bad—you do actually love ‘rewrite the stars’. you’re a fan of the movie, much like chris is, but putting the song on loop? for hours a day? for weeks? your sense of fanship isn’t that strong, especially when the song’s been out in circulation for years now.

“you wanna hear a theory?”

your question easily turns chris’ focus away from the endless papers he had to grade by the end of the day and towards you, raising an eyebrow to the sudden break of silence. his eyes visibly twinkled, contemplating if he should entertain the idea of putting on his regular-26-year-old suit over the professional-high-school-teacher ones he’d been in for the past couple hours or so.

well, to be fair, chris hasn't even been focusing on the pages of essays he needed to check. not when his mind has been preoccupied with something—someone­—else.

“shoot,” he eventually replied with a lopsided smile etched on his lips—head cocked to the side when he finally decided to shut the screen of his decorated silver laptop, offering you his entire attention. “it better be funny or entertaining, considering i’m risking losing my hearing to my kids’ complaints for not returning their papers on time tomorrow.”

“oooh, pressure,” you mocked, a wide grin appearing on your face while you try to ignore the rush of tingles under your skin when you noticed the way chris referred to his students as ‘my kids’—something he’d always done and so do you, but somehow had a different effect on you as of recent. “believe me, it’s something fun,” you hummed with a shrug, mirroring chris as you set your laptop aside.

chris’ pair of charming dimples came into view upon your confident reply, fully immersed in the stage you’re setting up. fabric of his gray couch, one where you two had been slowly melting into for a few hours now, gently rustled when chris fixed his posture, less from lazing around and more into focusing on you and whatever nonsense he believed you were going to say. the glint in his eyes grew brighter by the second, both from anticipation and excitement.

“tell me.”

it felt like spring—when the flowers were in bloom, the breeze was blowing ever-so-gently against your warm cheeks, and the swarm of butterflies were surrounding you with its pairs of fluttering wings.

chris made you feel like spring.

“gee, tone down the excitement, mr. bahng,” you inadvertently shifted away, silently praying to whatever force ruling the universe that chris wasn’t aware of the way your heartbeat spiked to his playful grin. “don’t want to disappoint you there.”

”as if you could ever,” chris promptly refuted with a chuckle, chin resting on the palm of his hand. the way his playful gaze was directed right at you, framed by those loose curls of his, proved to cause your heart more problems than ease. “the ever-so-perfect you? a disappointment? really?”

”oh shut up,” you groaned, half wanting to wipe the cocky smirk off his face—or…?

”but then—if you say so, do tell me,” frown on your forehead instantly dissipates, replaced by a mirror of his lopsided grin when you figured you could turn the bullet right back at its owner,

“am i perfectly on point when i say you’re in love?”

despite the slight pang on your heart, you couldn’t help but giggle at the way his face fades into surprise, a shade of blush slowly creeping on the top of his cheekbones.

the topic of love was never really something you discussed with chris. sure, you two met each other in college where hormones were bursting through the roof, but neither you or chris was interested in dating anyone—you with your slowly budding crush on chris, and chris with… god-knows-what he’s interested in. you never pried, for the sake of not making things awkward. that's your norm, and how you’ve spent your last 7 years with chris.

you and chris remained friends, which at some point evolved into best friends (you now, by the hey-i’m-bored-at-2am-let’s-hang kind of standard), and somehow, you two happened to land a teaching job within the same district around the same time. chris went to teach a reputable high school in the area, while you pursue your dream of teaching kids. you hang out at each other’s place every other day, despite the time you spent together consists mostly of being nose-deep in your respective workload.

the topic of love still was something foreign—you wouldn’t deliberately bring it up other than around the occasions when wedding invites stopped by yours or chris’ doorstep.

maybe, it’s time to change that.

”…huh?”

chris is thoroughly perplexed.

”oh come on, don’t even try to lie,” with a smile decorated with victory, you finally teased the man across. “it’s all written on your face, you know,” you continued, fingers gesturing to your own, “but also, your choice of song. god, do you even listen to anything else when you're in love?”

“but i'm not!” he yelped, facepalming himself upon realizing the shift in his tone is a dead giveaway of his true voice. “god—no. i'm not,” he added meekly, shaking his head, “you know i love the song. that's all.”

”fair enough,” acknowledging his plea, you briefly nod, “but that doesn’t justify the way you’ve been keeping the song on repeat! and don’t you think i don’t remember the few other occurrences when you did the same, because i knew for a fact that something happened every time you became distant after going through this rewrite the stars cycle!”

if his face were flushed before, then you’d categorize this new shade apparent on the tip of his ear as a what-the-fuck-i’m-screwed kind of blush and frankly, seeing this new side of him kind of made you regret not bringing the topic up sooner.

”you remembered?” his voice sounded more of a squeak rather than a proper question, still hiding behind the safety of his palms. “no you don’t! that was ages ago!”

”so things did happen!” your grin turned into a laugh, drowning chris’ groan and series of disapproving no when he realized he just bit into your colorful, glimmering bait. “gosh—why didn’t you tell me you were dating someone? i was kinda hurt whenever that happened you know,” you purse your lips dramatically, “i lost a friend to talk to and never exactly know the reason why until today.”

“oh,” chris blinked, finally looking right at you with a puzzled gaze, “you… were? i mean���i’m sorry i hurt you. for the record, i wasn’t dating anyone. i just kinda assumed, you know, since you were dating someone else anyway i thought—“

”hold up—“ both statements rolling off of chris’ lips inadvertently made you hold up a hand, stopping the latter on his tracks. ”what?”

now both of you are puzzled.

you? dating someone?

”i just wanted to give you space,” chris reiterated, hand now awkwardly resting on his equally red nape, “figured you’d want that since me being around will likely bring trouble for you and the person you were dating.”

”but… i haven’t dated anyone since we became friends?”

you’re thoroughly confused.

”wait, what?” chris shook his head in disbelief, “what do you mean you haven’t dated anyone? what about the notes? and the flowers? and the chocolates too! what do you—what do you mean?”

nevermind, now you’re thoroughly confused.

”the ones from back in college?” your memories were not exactly as clear as you expected it to be, but you do remember receiving those gifts a few times due to its absurdity. “that was all from the rich ass kid i tutored! the one who i told you kept teasing me about never receiving any valentine's day gift? that kid? they sent me those gifts as a prank!”

“…what?”

the amount of ‘what’ you two have said in the past few exchanges is ridiculous.

”god—you thought i’ve been dating and never told you?” you finally pieced the puzzle together, incredulous. “and that’s why you distanced yourself? dude, are you serious?”

”well i just assumed!” chris raised his hands in defense, equally as incredulous as you are, “to be fair, those are usually gifts you get for someone you like! how am i supposed to know it’s from the kid you tutored? you never tried to told me!”

”you could’ve asked?” you stated, as-a-matter-of-factly. sometimes, despite that brilliant brain of his, chris could be quite the foolish one between the two of you. “besides, i thought you knew! you literally read the cards!”

”wha—how do you expect me to digest any of that when i was under the assumption someone i like is dating someone else!”

silence befalls chris’ usually cozy living room, leaving the soft resounding melody that hadn’t stopped as the only sound filling up the space. you’re not even sure if your ears were actually catching the right words falling from his lips; it felt too much like a fever dream. judging from the way his eyes turned wide, however,

you might have heard him correctly.

”you… like me?”

you never imagined you’d piece those words together, much less directing them towards chris. hell, even by remaining as friends was enough for you—having him to yourself was not something you thought would ever happen in this lifetime. you’re happy as you were; you’re content with being friends.

chris, on the other hand, is still visibly trying to digest the events that just unfolded around him. from the misunderstanding to unintentionally confessing his feelings, this was not how he expected his Sunday evening to be. all he wanted to do was be near the one person he’d been secretly nurturing his feelings for, praying that maybe one day he’d finally muster up the courage before everything was too late—but this was not how he expected things to turn out.

”i’m sorry,” he finally croaked, breaking the suffocating silence whilst also being too embarrassed to even look you in the eye, “i know it’s weird—from the misunderstanding to, you know, what i said. i never intended for you to find out about it this way. i understand that you don’t feel the same way, it’s okay, you—“

”oh shut up,” you capped his ramblings short, catching chris off guard. it’s not often you cut him off when he speak, so when you do, he knew you meant it.

“just, what?” you sighed, fingers begin massaging the throb on your temple. it’s hard to decipher what you’re currently feeling as a whole, but one thing you know for sure— you’re especially bothered by his last statement.

“chris, how would you even know what i feel if you’ve never even asked me?”

you watched through his pair of curious eyes as thoughts ran inside his mind, slowly deciphering what you meant with the sudden calmness in your voice.

“uh,” finally managing the train of assumptions in his head, chris then looked at you—only now, with a glimmer of hope reflected in his eyes, “do you... like me? like, more than just friends?”

and to that, you finally nodded.

“yeah, you dumbass. for the longest time.”

watching the way chris’ smile bloom easily turned you into another smiling mess—not missing the giggles nor the flush on your cheeks and all. It feels dumb, realizing that you’ve been into each other for forever but never realizing it because of some stupid misunderstanding.

“and i like you too,” chris reiterated, his goofy smile erasing any trace of worry that was present on his face just a second ago. honest to god—you thought you were falling in love all over again for chris.

“in that case...” he shrugged before outstretching a hand, trying his best to play things cool despite the growing excitement in his eyes,

“will you officially be my partner in crime?”

sound of your laugh only fuels the warmth spreading within chris’ heart—and it felt like the way he spent all those countless nights, wishing that one day the stars would eventually align for him finally paid off as you held his hand in yours, smiling brighter than any stars ever discovered.

“gladly.”

©️ astralisortus, 2024. | likes and reblogs are highly appreciated♡

[celestie0]

hi my friends! hope you're all doing well. just wanted to come on here and share a little updates w you guys (if you're still here lol)

i guess it's been like a month n a half since i formally went on hiatus, and it's been nice! i got kinda sick for a little bit lmfaooo which was tough to manage w school, but i'm better now

although i took time away from my blog, i still delved in writing here n there. i haven't written anything for kickoff since tbh i'm in such a slump w it. but i still have big plans for stuff that happens after ch13, so hopefully i can just push through this next chapter and get to a better place. thanks so much to anyone that is still interested in the story, it means a lot to me. i know i'm so slow w updates and the story has been going on for almost a year now, but the continued support is so sweet! even though i didn't work on writing it these past one n a half months, i still really love it and plan to finish it.

i'm not sure if many people remember that i had this sort of "apocalypse" gojo x reader au about an asteroid being set to hit the earth in three days, and reader n gojo are ex lovers n the impending end of the world makes them break no-contact...yeah i finished writing the first chapter for it and i really love it so far! it's like set in new york which is really fun haha i love stories where new york is kind of its own "character" if that makes sense...it will definitely be a limited series w only 4 chapters or so, but i kinda wanna finish all 4 chapters before i start posting it bc i don't want it to be a drawn out series in terms of posting since i think it'd be best enjoyed in frequent succession if that makes sense

as for ihm, i think i wrote the most for ihm during my hiatus. i finished three chapters for it, but they are shorter chapters (around 3-4k words). i kinda realized one of my biggest reasons for burnout w my fics were the reaaaaallly long chapters...like didn't i have a 22k chapter for kickoff or sumn lol. idk i can't remember. but anyways, yeah the mindset behind the longer chapters was bc i liked each chapter to kinda have its own conflict, build up, tension then resolution in a sense. but it was exhausting to write that way tbh lol. so i think moving forward, for ihm, i will have shorter chapters. i just don't wanna think to much about things anymore, and write from my heart, bc i have a lot of things planned for ihm, and among the criticism i've received for my writing choices vs my own vision for the story, i've realized during my hiatus that the only way i can finish ihm, or any of my storeis for that matter, is if i just.........stop giving a fuck about it. lol idk if that sounds strange to say, but like, i don't want to over-edit anything. i don't want to think too much about redundancy. i don't want to flower things up or cut stuff out. i'm at the point where imma just write a first draft, check for grammarly errors, and then post it. i guess the reason i'm sharing this is because idk if this means that people may enjoy my writing less since i will admittedly be spending much less time on it than i did before, but tbh i realized i find the most joy while i'm writing, and not while i'm editing. so i want to spend as little time on the latter as possible, and if that changes the quality of my work, then so be it.

anyways, hmm as for hiatus. i guess i'm off hiatus now? i really enjoyed being off of tumblr tbh this app has a lot of questionable content at times (esp in jjk community) and it also did wonders for my studying bc i wasn't spending time doomscrolling or shit posting anymore lmfaooo. but as for writing in particular, i think i will start to post ihm again exclusively. i can't say anything about kickoff or my other projects, but i feel comfortable to start posting ihm again.

sorry, i know that i have kept my replies and ask box off for a long time. but i will open them again once i start posting chapters because i really miss interacting with you guys.

anywho, these are my updates lol i'm like not sure how many of my readers are still here or which ones have moved on but that's ok, i'm grateful to anyone n everyone. hope to see you all soon again!

[angelluvs19]

Hi👋 I know nobody is gonna see this but i just love the idea of Luke with a ditzy girlfriend so I decided to write it myself. I'm not great at writing but I still wanted to post this somewhere bc I kinda like how it turned out <3 (if anyone does see this plz don't judge, like I said I'm bad at writing)

Ever since he met her he knew the guys at camp would be all over her. She was so innocent and would fall under their spell in a heart beat. Which is why he needed to make sure that he got to her first. He told himself that it was because he wanted to protect her, that the other guys would only use her. But in reality, there was more to it than that and he knew it.

There was something about her that drew him in. Mabey it was the way she got so flustered when she first met him. The way she looked up at him with those pretty blue eyes of hers, her cheeks a bright shade of pink. And the fact she stuttered when he asked for her name, making him smile.

Or mabey it was the way she dressed. She always wore skirts, even if she was at a camp. Shed wear a short white skirt with the classic orange camp half blood shirt. She always has a bow in her hair. Whether it was to hold in her pig tails, or a small pink clip with a bow on it in her long wavy hair.

Whatever it was he knew that he needed her to be his, and Luke always gets what he wants. Only a week into camp, she was all over him. She'd always stayed right by his side during capture the flag, and by the gods if anyone tried to hurt her they'd spend the rest of the day in the infirmary.

Or whenever the camp was doing activities, even something simple as bracelet making, she's always insisting that he help her. Stating that she can't tie it or that she cant find the right beads and needs his help. He knows that it's just stupid excuses so that he could be around her, but who was he to deny his princess?

And when she'd come crying to him because  of something random that happened to her he always Comforts her, no matter how small it is. Most of the time it's Clarisse making fun of her because she did something wrong, or one of the boys making sexual jokes towards her. But sometimes it's something as simple as her breaking her favorite blush, or ruining her favorite top. But he still whispers sweet praises and promises in her ear as she cries into his chest. "shh it's okay sweetheart. I know it hurts, but everything is going to be alright" or "I'm here okay, I'll make sure to protect you. No one can ever hurt you when your with me"

And one night when she was sitting in his lap crying, he finally makes a small move. "Do you want me to make you feel better?" He asks, his voice soft, hiding the undertone of lust he felt for her. Even when she's crying she's so pretty. When she nods, his hand starts creeping up her thigh until he reaches the hem of her panties.

When she questions what hes doing he just says something like "I'm helping you feel better. Isn't that what you want?" He asks, smiling at the small whimpers that leave her mouth as he rubs her clit through her pink panties. "See? It feels good doesn't it" he says, rubbing the sensitive bundle of nerves faster. Her soft moans and pleas only make him want her more.

And once he makes her cum once he just can't stop. He starts fingering her, most definitely taking her virginity. And when she complains about the pain, he just praises her softly. "I know baby, I know it hurts. You're doing such a good job princess. I promise it'll feel so good, even better than before". And he was right, soon she was moaning and whining while grinding her hips against his hand, only making him go faster. "That's it sweetheart, taking my fingers so well" 

And he doesn't stop until she on the verge of tears from the overstimulation. The second she catches her breath he lays her down on the bed, his hands immediately moving to unbutton his jeans to relieve his ranging hard on. "I know your tired baby, I'm only gonna take a minute okay?" He reassures you softly before sliding in, giving you time to adjust.

He knows that it hurts more than his fingers, and when you start crying from the pain he just kisses your cheek gently "hey, It's okay. I know it hurts darling. Just relax and let me take care of you okay? I'll protect you". He gives you extra time before moving in and out of you at a slow pace.

"Shh it's okay princess, it'll feel good soon" he says softly, thrusting a little faster. Soon she's squirming under him, begging to cum again. He fucks her a little faster, getting her closer to the edge. And when she finally does cum he talks her through it. "That's it baby, you look so pretty cumming on my cock. You're such a good girl for me. You're mine now aren't you? Gonna let me fuck you whenever I want?"

He moans out praises before he pulls out and moves to cum on her pretty face. He smiles when her tounge lolls out to lick the cum off of him, but when she comes back to reality she starts complaining about how he ruined her makeup.

He laughs softly at her reaction and cleans off her face with a towel before laying down beside her, pulling her into his arms. "I'm sorry I ruined your makeup, when I leave camp again I'll bring back all the makeup you want" he promises as he runs his fingers through her hair, loving the way she smiles up at him. Eventually after a few minutes of cuddles and praise, she closes her eyes and nuzzles into his chest. "Aww is my princess tired?" He teases softly. "Sleep baby, you deserve it" he kisses your forehead as she falls asleep in his arms. He had her in his grasp, and no one was going to take her away from him.

[azriels-shadowsinger]

Game Night (Azriel x Reader)

summary: You and Azriel have been kinda flirty for a while, but it has never actually gone anywhere. When game night turns into strip poker… well i’m sure you can guess where this is gonna go.

wc: 1.5k

a/n: i haven’t written anything in a long while bc ive been kinda very depressed so this may suck. also thank yall so much for 200 followers!!

!!warning: suggestiveness at the end.

The males should have known it was a bad idea when you four females insisted on the game. Mor had oh so innocently suggested a game night, after which Nesta randomly got the idea to play poker out of nowhere, followed by immediate approval from you and Feyre. Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel had wrongfully assumed that you all had suddenly gained interest in the game and wanted to learn for fun, so they agreed.

The night started out wholesome. You were ‘learning’ the basic rules of the game while losing a decent amount of money. As expected, Rhys was trying to help Feyre as she kept losing money to his brothers. After several rounds of defeat and many more rounds of drinks, the males started to notice that you four were losing less and less. Actually… you were all holding the majority of the chips by this point. Azriel, in his usual perceptive manner, accused you four of cheating and hustling them. You and Mor couldn’t help but break out laughing.

“I’m sorry! It was just too easy!” You said between giggles.

“Especially when Rhys started telling Feyre his cards in her mind so she wouldn’t lose, which she immediately told to us!” Mor laughed loudly. Feyre gave a sheepish grin and Nesta only smirked while pulling her most recent winning to her pile. Rhys, Cass, and Az couldn’t help but to laugh, commending you for being able to trick them. Cassian, however, insists that they were going easy on you the whole time.

“Well, it’s on now. No more holding back, right boys?” Cassian says with a smug grin while dealing new cards to the table.

“It shouldn’t be too hard to win, now that I figured out each of their tells.” Azriel stated matter of factly while peaking at his cards. His shadows swirl around him, blocking anyone from being able to see the hand he was dealt.

“Oh really? You think you can tell when we’re bluffing? I think you’re overestimating those spy abilities, Az. You haven’t called any of my bluffs correctly so far.” He shrugs. “I think we may need to make this game more interesting since you three claim you’re going to actually try now. I’m thinking we raise the bets to-“

“Let’s play strip poker!” Cassian bellows, obviously drunk, and cutting you off before you can say anything else. Rhys exchanges a look with Feyre. “I think that Feyre darling and I are going to retire for the night before we lose more of our money or our clothes. Goodnight everyone!” He laughs. They throw their cards on the table and winnow away, leaving just you, Nesta, Mor, Azriel, and Cassian at the table.

Cassian stares expectantly at Nesta. “Cmon, Nes! Say you’ll play!” She sighs dramatically and agrees. “Fine. Only if Y/N, Mor, and Azriel all agree to play too.” Your face turns red. While you don’t doubt your poker abilities, the thought of stripping in front of Azriel… or worse, seeing him half naked, makes your heart race. You and Azriel have only ever gone as far as flirting with each other, but these Illyrians are always flirtatious, so you don’t think it means anything. Regardless, your mind wanders to the mental image of a shirtless Azriel, sparring in the training ring this morning. It’s always so hard not to stare. His abs, his arms, his wings…

“Y/N? Are you playing or not?” Mor questions, pulling you from your daydream. You realize everyone has agreed but you now.

“Sure, whatever.” You say quieter than before, still slightly blushing. You look at your cards nervously, praying to the Cauldron for a good hand. Luckily, you get it. The round goes on, and eventually Cassian is the first to lose an item of clothing, opting to lose his shirt and making a big display of removing it.

An hour later, you have all had several more drinks, everyone has discarded a couple items of clothing (except for Cassian who was down to only his boxers and his left sock), Mor got tired and left, and you were focusing way too closely on one of your poker chips in an attempt to not stare at Azriel.

Cassian flips the last card and… it’s not what you need. You bite your lip nervously, pushing several chips to the middle of the table while trying to maintain a confident façade. “I raise.”

Cassian and Nesta both fold, leaving just you and Azriel. You feel his eyes on you, probably trying to tell if you’re bluffing. Your skin heats under his gaze. Trying to appear more confident, you meet his stare, only to notice he’s not staring at your face, but rather a bit lower. You blush and Cassian clears his throat. “Uh, your move, Az.” Azriel immediately looks away, staring back at his cards.

“Um, I fold.” He mutters and tosses his cards on the discard pile, and you can’t help but notice the way his other hand is clenching and flexing under the table.

“Y/N wins! Az, looks like you’re down to your boxers now!” Cassian slurs slightly. Your eyes go wide and you give a panicked look to Nesta.

“Cass, I think it’s time for us to head home. I’m tired.” She gives him a look that he obviously must recognize because he is very quick to leave, obviously excited to get home. They say goodbye and head out, leaving just you and Azriel.

You stand to gather your things, but Azriel stops you. “Are we done playing, sweetheart?” You feel his eyes trail down your half-exposed body.

“You can keep your pants on, Shadowsinger. It’s late and I’m drunk. Plus, if we play another round then one of us will end up a bit more naked than friends should be around each other.” You laugh awkwardly. Azriel’s eyes darken slightly and he leans in to whisper in your ear. “Scared you’ll lose?” You shudder at the closeness and the feeling of his breath on you.

“No. I just don’t think you want me to find out that the wingspan theory isn’t true.” You quip back with a raised eyebrow. He lets out a short laugh and sits back down. “Deal the cards.” He says smugly.

You deal the cards, trying to ignore the tension thick in the air. What the hell is he doing? How are you supposed to act friendly and hide your feelings if you see him naked? How is he going to react if he sees you without a bra? You deal the last card and look at your hand. Not terrible, but definitely not great. You bite your lip nervously. The round plays out and it’s time to place the final bets. You make your bet and then look to Azriel, biting your bottom lip nervously. He studies his cards, then sets them down to look at you.

“You wanna know something, Y/N?” He picks up a poker chip and spins it between his fingers. Gods, those fingers. “You bite your lip when you’re nervous. Did you know that?” You freeze. “And while it has been rather advantageous to know when you’re bluffing this whole game, I do find it kind of cute.” He slides all of his chips into the middle pile. “I knew you were bluffing the last round. And I know you are now too.” His voice is low and full of confidence. Your face is completely red now as he flips his cards over. Royal flush.

You turn your cards over in defeat and he grins. “I win.” He says smugly. He stands and saunters towards you, caging you between his arms in your chair. You look up at him, and you can see the silent question in his eyes. Is this okay? You nod softly and he smirks.

“As the winner, I think it’s only fair that I get to claim my prize. May I?” He gently slides your bra strap down your shoulder. This is actually happening. Weeks of flirty words and lustful glances, leading to whatever is about to happen.

“Rules are rules.” You maintain eye contact and reach behind to unclasp your bra. He grabs your wrist, guiding it back down and reaching behind you himself. His fingers softly trail up your spine, leaving goosebumps behind, before he reaches the clasp and unhooks it. Your bra falls to the floor and Azriel’s eyes roam over you hungrily.

“Gods, you are even more beautiful than I imagined.” He gently guides you to stand, walking you back to the wall and pressing you against it. “I have wanted to do this for so long.” He whispers against your skin before moving his lips to yours. He kisses you with no restraint. One hand cups your face while the other moves up your side. You melt into his touch, savoring his taste. A small moan leaves your mouth, causing him to growl softly.

Azriel pulls away for a moment to say something, but before he can, you hear footsteps in the hall. Quickly, you rush to grab your clothes before anyone can see you. Moments later, whoever it was walks past the room towards the kitchen. You let out a breath, continuing to get dressed.

You give a look to Azriel, who had already managed to get fully dressed somehow. He can read the question in your eyes. Now what? Azriel reaches out a scarred hand toward you. “We can keep playing the game in my room.” He smirks. You take his hand and you two quickly head out, leaving the cards and poker chips on the table.

idk what this was. honestly it was a WIP from months ago and i’m not sure if I love how it ended up but whatever i just am trying to write again :)

[leeneir]

Hehy! If you are writing Yandere can I request canons for Iso?

Look at Me Please; Shy Yandere!Iso x Reader Headcanons P.1

I'm working on another req fic as we speak, but I'm taking breaks to do this one bc him being "Mine all mine" is very appealing🥰🫶

And yes, part 1. This prompt just got my Iso loving brain rolling.

Pre Relationship

I want you to think of these like its u and him progressing, as if its a timeline of ur relationship.

- A shy possesive yandere. You are his, no questions. But he doesn't have the courage to show it enough (for now.)

- Iso was always forced to cut off his connections due to the organization, but the Valorant Protocol was different. He found someone there worth going against everything he's known all his life.

- The moment his eyes set on you, he had an overwhelming urge to always be near you and always wanted to know where you were and who you were with.

- He spots you and Jett having flirty banter in the hallway and later during training 'accidentally' shot a bullet which shoots through the wall right next to her head. He barely glances at the wind radiant and mutter a half-hearted apology, but that glance was enough to give Jett the creeps.

- You notice how he's always near or around you and you decide to befriend him like the friendly person you were, you'll notice how his eyes fixate on you as if you were a precious jewel in the muddy dirt but don't pay it any mind.

- While you were chatting, he suddenly blurts out "You're beautiful," and immediately goes red in the face and stammering out apology after apology while he pulls his collar up to cover his face.

- You laugh as you try to calm him down, saying that you were flattered that he thought so. You place your hand on his shoulder while his back is turned to you and he freezes for a good 3 seconds before he looks back at you, his eyes had such intensity as they met yours. You pat and reassure him again, telling him that you thought he was handsome too.

- He decided something that day. Killing Omen wouldn't be worth it because it meant he'd have to cut off the valorant protocol, meaning he'd never see you again. Being with you was better than having to deal with his employers anyway.

- You, and your voice he couldn't get enough of, and your amazing skill and talent both in and off the battlefield, and your pretty face, and your pretty body, and your enchanting self that he wants all for himself.

- Back to actual headcanons. He's always very desperate to get your attention but he's too shy to actually ask for it. Which is why he'll always make sure to outperform everyone during training so that he can receive sweet praises from you that he'll repeat in his head for weeks.

- When you get injured out on the field on the same mission, Iso will go berserk. Even if it's just a graze. All you can do is hope that he'll be ok when he goes silent on the comms.

- Iso does NOT listent to reason and destroys his earpiece as he slowy digs his knife deeper into the enemies throat. How DARE they ruin your perfect body.

- He's always watching. Always in the darkest shadows where you never even know he's there. He has his eyes on you more than Cypher.

- Speaking of him, Iso has threatened Cypher to keep his prying eyes and ear aeay from you. He doesn't deserve to even be on the same world as you. His arena has space for a new corpse if need be.

- He doesn't take snacks offered to him by other agents. If you offer though, he wouldn't even eat it. He'd place it in his room with all the other memoirs he's collected from you.

- As time goes on, he gets braver. He starts putting his hands on your back, he initiates conversations, he offers you private training sessions and more. But that doesn't stop the ever growing urge to hold you, touch you, and keep you all to himself and not let anyone else even look at you.

- No one will get in the way. And I mean no one.

- If you get hurt again, he'll insist he'll patch you up himself. There's no need to go to Sage when he has an excuse to touch you can fix you up too.

- One day, you shoot your shot. You ask him out on a boba tea date, and he has to take a moment to compose himself. YOU were asking HIM out on a date? Was this a dream? Was this a prank by you and the others?

- Either way, he agrees with a soft smile, saying how he's been interested in you for a while and also wanted to ask you out but never knew how to. You laugh, your sweet, sweet, deliciously beautiful laugh he wants to hear more of and you joke about how you beat him to it, before setting up a time and meetup location before going off to your room to get ready.

- You don't notice the way his eyes are eating up the sight of you, and you don't notice how his soft smile turned into one of pure ecstasy and hunger. His face completely red at the idea of going on a date with you and is just so happy that he almost forgot about his plan to cause a minor life-threatening injury to Yoru for being such an asshole to you earlier that week. Almost.

[guess-my-next-obsession]

endure & survive | iv. the storm

pairing: post-outbreak!joel miller x single mother!reader

chapter content: MINORS DNI, written in dual POV/first person POV, no description/name given to reader, reader is a single mother, age gap (twenty-ish years), descriptions of blood/stitches, grief, talks of dead bodies, panic attack, unproofread bc i’m lazy

word count: 2.8k

series masterlist | previous chapter

JOEL

“Everybody good?” It’s a question meant for one person in particular—the woman that just got the air kicked out of her—but with what the kids just saw, there’s no harm in asking them, too.

“Good,” Ellie says, although her voice is quiet. Even if I didn’t know her, I’d be able to tell that she’s lost in her head. After what she did, I’d be lost, too.

“I need…” My attention lands on our host—Red, I think I’ll call her, to match the fire in her eyes. She’s resting one arm against the kitchen counter, the other cradling her ribs. “I don’t know.”

I’m walking over to her before I even realize I’m doing it, my hands reaching out to steady her as she sways a bit and goes clammy. “Y’need to lay down.”

“Need to wash…the blood…” I look down, scanning her body to find a clean slice up her arm dripping blood onto the wooden planks beneath us.

“Shit,” I curse under my breath. Guiding her over to one of the chairs at the dining table, I have to glower at her to get her to sit. “Y’got a med kit?”

She nods, weakly pointing to the cabinet above the sink.

“Ellie, can you boil some water?” I glance at her as I reach to grab the med kit, finding her still in that state of shock.

She needs to get up, to find ways to busy her mind and hands so that she’s not replaying the events from earlier. I know it better than anybody.

“Ellie,” I call again, this time breaking through to her. “Need some help, kid.”

“Right,” she says, her voice still softer than I’d like. “Water, you said?”

“Yeah,” I manage, keeping one eye on her and one on the woman in front of me half-ready to faint. “Quickly as you can manage.”

“Got it.”

Focusing back on Red, I pull up a chair in front of her. “Gonna need to stitch you up.”

“I can…take care of…myself.”

“You can’t even talk,” I grunt, shaking my head at her as I lay out the contents of the kit in front of us. Needles, thread, an antiseptic that I hope still works.

“You even know…what you’re doing?” Even bleeding out and winded, she’s still coming at me.

I have no fuckin’ clue as to why I like it so much.

“Ain’t my first time stitchin’ up an awnry woman, if that’s what you mean.” I don’t want to think about the last woman I tended to like this. If I do, I’ll just get angry all over again. Angry and hurt. “Might leave a scar, though.”

“Mama,” Colt comes up to her, sticking to her side like glue. “What’s gonna happen to you?”

She softens, forcing a smile onto her clammy face. “Well, Joel here…is gonna…stitch me up. Y’know…how I like to…sew?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well…Joel’s just gonna…sew my cut up,” she says, raising her free hand up to his face. “It sounds scarier…than it is.”

“Okay,” he says, blowing out a breath of air. “I’ll hold your hand, just in case it hurts.”

I might be a cold-hearted bastard, but damn it if the sight of Colt and Red together doesn’t warm my soul just a little bit.

“Water’s boiling,” Ellie announces, joining us at the table.

“Alright, soon as it reaches a boil, I need you t’take it off the heat and let it cool a little bit before bringing me a bowl full,” I instruct. “As for you, Red, I’m gonna need you t’sit right here and not bleed out in the meantime.”

“Got nothing better to do,” she says, one corner of her mouth twitching just the slightest bit.

Ignoring the strange feeling stirring in my chest—one I’m sure is a result of the adrenaline high I’m coming off of—I head over to the bathroom and rinse the blood off my hands with the leftover water sitting in a bucket inside the empty bathtub. It’s not the most sanitary of set-ups, but it’s better than nothing.

“Hey,” Ellie pokes her head in the bathroom, locking eyes with me in the vanity mirror. “What, uh, what are we doing about the dead dudes?”

“Don’t know,” I say as I scrub my hands with soap. “Don’t deserve a burial, in my humble opinion.”

“I just mean…like…are we good here?”

I contemplate her question for a few seconds. Truthfully, I’ve got no fuckin’ idea if it’s safe to be here. Those fucks outside could be apart of a larger group and just got dealt the shit end of the recon stick for all I know. So, I settle on the truth. “I don’t know, Ellie. Regardless, no one’s gonna be comin’ out this way in the storm. Once it passes, we’ll be on our way like we planned to.”

“And them?” she asks, her brows lacing together. “We’re just going to leave them behind?”

Rinsing my hands off and grabbing a cloth to wipe them dry, I turn to face her with an exasperated look. It’s been a hell of a fucking afternoon. My body is drained. My mind is all over the place. I’m not in the position to stretch myself any thinner than I already have.

“Ellie, this is their home,” I whisper, gesturing towards where Colt and Red sit just on the other side of the wall. “She can decide what she wants to do. All I’m worried about is us.”

“There’s not an ounce of sympathy left in that cold heart of yours?” She’s getting pissed now, just another part of her dealing with what she did out there in the woods.

“Sympathy won’t keep us alive,” I say, moving past her.

READER

Joel’s hands are warm. Rough, yes, but so fucking warm. And surprisingly gentle.

He’s got one hand resting beneath my forearm as it lays on the table, squeezing both sides of my wound together as he stitches it closed. He just finished washing it clean, his fingers gentle as he dragged the damp cloth along the slice until it was no longer caked in dark blood. He’s by no means a surgeon, but damn it if he’s not completely focused and careful with me.

It’s painfully attractive. Even if the guy still pisses me off with all of his grunts and scowling.

Then again, I always did find competency sexy. It was the main reason Kit ever made it out of the friend zone back in QZ.

A man who can take care of shit is an entirely different level of desirable.

“You have done this before, haven’t you?” I don’t know why I’m making conversation, other than the fact that for the first time in the last hour, I can speak without feeling like I’m going to pass out.

Between the chest kick that knocked the wind out of me and the slice across my arm, I’m surprised I made it this long without fainting.

“Yep,” he says, sighing a little bit.

“Surprising,” is all I reply. He glances up from his work and pins me with dark eyes, but I’m quick to look away. Instead, I turn to look at Ellie and Colt in the middle of the living room, sitting side by side on the floor as they color in companionable silence. They’re both handling this better than I would, especially Ellie.

“Why?” Joel’s soft, deep voice brings my eyes back to him, but thankfully, he’s not looking at me this time.

“Just don’t seem like the caretaking type is all.”

“Right,” he murmurs. “Because travelin’ around the country with a teenager doesn’t involve any caretakin’.”

“Ellie seems pretty self-sufficient, that’s all I mean.”

“Still a kid,” he says, stabbing the needle through my flesh quickly enough that I barely register the pain. “Still someone to take care of.”

“She yours?” I’ve been meaning to ask ever since they arrived, but between our little arguments and then staying out in the shed, there hasn’t been much of an opportunity to pry.

“No,” he replies, pursing his lips.

“How long have you been watching over her, then?”

“Since summer,” he says. “Promised someone I’d take her across the country. It’s taken us this long to get here.”

I nod, not wanting to ask for anything more than he’s given me. Lord knows I certainly haven’t been all that giving in terms of my history.

“What about you?” he asks, sticking me with the needle again. “I’m assumin’ he’s yours.”

“Yeah,” I smile softly, my eyes wandering to Colt. “He’s mine.”

“And the father?”

I suck in a deep breath and let my eyes fall to my lap. “He died before Colt was born.”

Joel’s eyes flicker up to meet mine. “You gave birth by yourself?”

I nod, chuckling a bit at the memory. “And I’ll never do it again.”

Joel’s lips threaten to curl upwards. “Can’t say I blame you.”

It’s odd making conversation that doesn’t end with me calling him a dick or him judging my parental skills, but what’s even more strange is that I’m starting to think he’s not a dick at all.

Or maybe he is, but only when he wants to be. Maybe he’s a dick because it’s the safer option out here. I sure as hell haven’t been the most friendly person in the world.

“So…about what happened out there,” I say, my free hand tracing the hole in my jeans at my knee in order to distract myself from what I know is inevitable. “We’re not safe out here, are we?”

Joel’s jaw clenches a bit as he works the final swipe of his needle through me. “No. I don’t think so.”

“Fuck,” I curse under my breath, hoping Colt’s keen ears don’t pick up on it.

“You’re safe out here at least until the storm passes through,” Joel says as consolation, his fingers working quickly to tie the thread into a knot before he’s wrapping my arm up in a bandage.

“It could be over with by tomorrow,” I say, lifting my eyes to meet his. “I don’t…I don’t know if I can make it out there on my own, not with Colt. I’m not like you, and he’s not like Ellie. We’re…too soft.”

Joel’s eyes grow stern, his hand still holding my arm even though he’s finished with sewing me up. “Trust me, Red, you’re anything but soft.”

I scoff, shaking my head. “You don’t know me. I might pretend to be brave, but…deep down, I’m just scared.”

“Y’don’t think I’m scared every goddamn day out there?” His voice is low, hushed to the point that I have to lean in to hear him. “It’s alright to be scared shitless. What’s not alright is to give up. You stay out here, y’all are just sittin’ ducks waitin’ for someone to come by and take everything from you. Now, I don’t know you well enough to trust you, but I trust that you’ll do anything to save that boy of yours. You’ll find a way to be brave.”

I swallow the lump forming in my throat and give him a nod. It’s all I can do not to cry.

I wish Kit were here.

I wish I didn’t have to go through this alone and make these decisions.

Most of all, I wish Colt never had to live in this dangerous, uncertain world.

“Listen, I gotta talk this through with Ellie, but…” He rubs the scruff on his chin, appearing at war with himself for what he’s about to say. “Maybe y’all can tag along with us, least until you find someplace to settle.”

I give him a wary, almost skeptical look. “We don’t trust each other.”

“No, we don’t,” he agrees, shrugging one shoulder as he lets his hands finally slip away from my arm. “But we’ve both had plenty of chances to kill each other and haven’t yet. I figure as long as we continue like that, we’ll be alright.”

“I’ll keep my end of the bargain if you do, too,” I say, holding my free hand out for him to shake on. Joel eyes it for a moment before grasping it in his warm grasp.

Still so rough.

Still so gentle.

JOEL

“Jesus, is it like this every winter out here?” Ellie asks, sitting beside me at the table while we eat the dinner Red whipped up for us.

I’d offered to help—actually, I’d offered to do it myself—but ever the stubborn asshole, she refused to let me do so much as boil water. Tess always told me I was the most stubborn person on the planet, but I think she’d change her mind if she ever met Red.

”It ebbs and flows,” Red says, wiping her mouth with a cloth. “Some winters it’s calm, barely snows more than a few inches. Some winters—like this one—are brutal.”

My eyes flicker to the boy sitting beside her, his chair scooted up so close to hers he might as well have been sitting in her lap. He’s clutching his spoon hard enough to bend it, and his eyes—eyes that don’t match his mother’s—look wild. Red catches me staring, watching her son like he’s a wolf bronco that might buck at me any minute.

“Colt and I always get a little jittery when a storm like this rolls through,” she says, reaching her hand over to rub her son's shoulder. “But it’s nothing we haven’t faced before, right?”

“Mmhm,” he manages, clearly trying to put on a brave face for his mom.

I hate how much it reminds me of Sarah.

I hate being forced to revisit old wounds I haven’t touched in decades.

Most of all, I hate hating the memory of my daughter. She deserves to be remembered without all these extra emotions that come along with it.

Regret.

Anger.

Shame.

Letting my spoon drop into my bowl with a clank, I push my chair back and stand up abruptly, drawing all eyes. “‘Scuse me. I need…uh, need some air.”

I turn to walk towards the door to the cabin, hearing Red call out behind me. “Wait—out there?”

I don’t stop. I can’t.

My ears are ringing, my hands are numb, and all I can think to do is get up and go. I need to be alone. I need to not break down in front of Ellie. In front of Red and her boy.

The icy wind hits me as soon as I step out of the cabin, flecks of snow whirring in front of me and cutting into the warmth of my skin, but it’s a welcome sensation. I’d rather feel something than nothing, and if putting my body into shock is what I need to snap out of it, I’ll gladly sit out here in this blizzard for hours.

“Joel, come back inside!” I expect the person to come chasing after me to be the awnry fourteen-year-old in my care, but it’s not. With a voice full of irritation, and even a little concern, Red is calling my name and shouting orders like she has any right to.

“I’m—“ The words aren’t coming out smoothly, not with the way I can’t seem to catch my breath. “Fine.”

“You’re walking into a blizzard!” she shouts.

“Just…go on back,” I manage, though it’s hard to register if I’m actually getting the words out or just thinking them. All I know is the haggard in and out of my breathing, the pounding in my chest, the empty feeling in my stomach.

Until she rests her hand on my shoulder.

Until I know her touch.

Her warmth.

The gentle squeeze of her hand as she brings me back to myself.

“Come back inside,” she says, her voice softer than it’s ever been towards me. When my eyes settle, the haze turning to clarity, I find her expression just as soft. Just as gentle. “You can freak out in the bathroom if you want. It’s too fucking cold out here and Ellie said if I didn’t get you to come back inside, she’d come out here next.”

I let out a chuckle, or what’s meant to be a chuckle, and nod my head slowly. “Alright, Red.”

And just like that, I’ve gone and done the most dangerous thing a person can do out here.

I’ve made a friend.

[acourtofthought]

can you genuinely say at this point in time, Elain wants lucien? I'm not asking for theories or headcanons. I am asking if you genuinely think that Elain in any way is secretly pining over Lucien, and what textual evidence supports that.

People have argued about her mentioning his name, but I don't think that has to do with romantic feelings for him, moreso basic respect for another. People have talked about a "half-step" which I must've missed bc I do not even remember that - but i don't think a "half step" necessarily conveys anything romantic.

I'm trying to form an opinion in this ship war, but its hard when I see a ton of misinformation from every side. The elriels have their own faults, but they can point to text now that shows Elain wants Azriel.

Can Eluciens do the same? I'm not trying to start a fight, I really just want to know what portion of each ship is backed by the current books vs. how much is just people theorizing they are end game and what they want to happen. And if the Elucien ship is purely just "SJM will always pair fated mates together" that's also fine and valid imo, I just want to know if there's anything in the books you can point to that shows Elain wants Lucien at this moment in time. I don't want to argue about hypotheticals and foreshadowing and what a rose symbolizes. I want cold hard words on the page.

Please note: I know just because it might not be there YET doesn't mean it's not going to happen. I want to evaluate the current standing of these books and the rationality of each argument. But to do that, I need people to be honest about what's there and what's not. I'm asking you because you run one of the more...logical shipwar blogs. But if you don't want to answer this - I also understand why.

At this point in time I don't think that canon supports Elain wanting anyone and that includes both Az and Lucien.

The only person Elain ever confessed having feelings for is Graysen. Real feelings. The "my heart belongs to you" kind of feelings.

Elain specifically said she did not want a male or a mate and those are categories Lucien and Az fall under, despite the almost kiss with Az in SF. It's been proven that a FMC in a SJM book can hook-up with a guy but not want a relationship with him (Feyre / Isaac, Nesta with fae who were not Cassian, Mor / Cassian, Mor / Helion) so Elain's actions in the Az bonus don't prove Elain wants him for more than a night of fun. In fact, the text in canon has her agreeing to "just a taste and that would be it". That's not a confession of long term commitment nor was there any to be found in any other interaction she's had with Az. Even crushes don't mean you're wanting forever with someone. Not to mention she was not written as looking towards either Az or Lucien in the 5 months after Solstice so absolutely no canon supports that she wants to hook-up with Az anymore. Elain's past actions from months ago (including those with Az) can't really be used as proof of canon of now, otherwise we should all be claiming she's still in love with Graysen since she never specifically stated she no longer has feelings for him. Nobody says that though, we use the canon of her no longer breaking down over Graysen to show she's moved past wanting to be with him and currently the canon suggests she's also moved past whatever she was about to do with Az on Solstice since there are zero signs to argue otherwise. There is also zero evidence of Az still wanting to be with Elain in any way now that we're 5 months beyond Solstice. 7 if you count HOFAS.

Right now I think the only thing canon truly supports is that Elain is showing no romantic interest in anyone, male or human. 5 months is a long time. Feyre left Tamlin then was mated to Rhys within 5 months and Elain was not mentioned as shedding a tear for Graysen in that same length of time, not mentioned as looking Az's way in that time, not having a reaction (good or bad) to Lucien in that time.

So to your question, canon does not support Elain wanting Lucien but it doesn't support her currently wanting Az. Canon also never supported her wanting to start a relationship with Az, canon doesn't support her wanting a mating bond with Az, canon doesn't support her having any desire to go forward with a forbidden love with Az.

Does that mean it's what she's actually feeling for Lucien or even Az? We can't say for sure because we don't have her POV but if we're truly basing this discussion off canon alone than Elain doesn't currently seem interested in anyone. It's not fair for e/riels to claim she still wants Az 5 months later as they have no evidence supporting it. It's only their headcanon that she does. Not to mention it's their headcanon she wanted to have a relationship with Az in the first place. They have zero evidence to show she'd be willing to seriously date him.

But as far as what I genuinely think (your phrasing)? I think Elain is struggling with the pull she feels towards Lucien and it scares her.

I don't think all Elucien's assume Sarah will pair Elucien together simply because they're mates. There are many layers behind what we feel.

I do think Elucien's use logic based on Sarah's writing and that logic tells us that characters don't simply ignore a mating bond. In canon, the bond creates a tug to the other that can never be truly forgotten. Based on that canon we hypothesis that there is a lot going on under the surface which is why she's hidden Elain's thoughts from us. She's the only main side character from the original cast who has never been given a POV and there's got to be a reason for that. Sarah was willing to share her almost kiss with Az but never her actual thoughts for Lucien who she suddenly began ignoring in ACOFAS after the events of ACOWAR and that seems a bit purposeful doesn't it? How a kiss isn't a secret but what she feels about the bond she says she doesn't want is?

While we've got no proof showing she wants Lucien, we were given so many examples of the author making an effort to show their compatibility. We were given a bunch of crumbs as to where Elain's future journey could take her and many crumbs placing Lucien in those same places. The author wrote Lucien (not Az) meeting Elain's father. We were given a bunch of scenarios where we're left wondering WHY Elain behaved a certain way towards Lucien especially after she defended him to Graysen, after she took a step as if she'd stop him from searching for Vassa, after she did follow he and Feyre instead of staying behind at her father's grave, after they were left together to wash up after the war, after she invited him to come back to Velaris but only after all that she began completely ignoring him for unexplained reasons. Based on Sarah's writing that pull and push typically means a character is struggling with her pull / desire for the other person and things aren't so one dimensional as "she doesn't like him!" If she didn't like him then why take a step as if to stop him? Why follow him instead of staying with her father's grave? Why peer up at him? Why invite him to Velaris?

We've been in this place before with a Sarah book. "Why did the character do that only to do an abrupt 180?" We saw it with Nesta, who was willing to die with Cassian in ACOWAR only to do the most 180's of all 180's by giving her virginity to someone else in the novella. To telling Cassian she wanted nothing to do with him though we knew she did. So Elucien's are only waiting to see how the author deals with Elain and her inner thoughts of Lucien. We don't think Elain's setup is going to be any less complex than Nesta's was. We believe the author is going to tell a story that is deep and meaningful. And while Elain's current setup doesn't prove this to us just yet, it is canon that Sarah has given that exact treatment to every single one of her mated pairs, whether the FMC was struggling with what she felt or the MMC (as we saw with Rowan and his bond with Aelin), so it would be silly for us to think Elain would be the only one who isn't given that same complexity.

While the textual evidence does not necessarily prove Elain has feelings for Lucien, I think it's valid for Elucien's to use textual evidence of Sarah's past writing patterns to predict the direction she's taking them.

I have no problem admitting that current canon doesn't prove Elain wants Lucien but I've never seen a e/riel admit that current canon, by the end of SF, also doesn't prove Elain wants Az. That canon never proved she wanted a relationship with him at all. Canon doesn't even prove she called his scars beautiful considering Feyre said she wasn't sure if she was referring to his Siphons yet they still hold on to that one.

Canon proves Elain loved Graysen though he was an asshole, canon proves that she was willing to hook up with Az with no proof of anything more, and canon proves that she shares a mating bond with Lucien that she'll never be able to completely forget ("it will be a bond that will trail her for the rest of her existence") though she's currently trying her best which results in weirdness for everyone. That is all the canon proves.

From a romance standpoint, only one of those storylines typically has staying power.

[theemporium]

Can’t stop thinking about going on holiday with best friend mick with the other drivers and wags bc you’re basically extended family and lots of mutual pining with everyone else seeing how oblivious you both are and trying their best to push you guys to confess. Maybe one bed trope omg I can’t

this is so fucking soft i can't even!! thank you for requesting!🖤

.

“So, they’re together, right?” was the most common question on everyone’s mind whenever they saw you and Mick together.

And, in their defence, it was easy to understand why. Not only with the amount of time you spent together and the lingering gazes that would follow each other around, but just in the way you acted with one another. You two were insistent that you were just friends, best friends in fact. 

But best friends didn’t act the way you did. 

Because how could people believe you were just friends when the second Mick would jump out of his car after a race, he was running towards you? 

Because how could people believe you were just friends when he would always have a hand touching you in some way, shape or form?

Because how could people believe you were just friends when it was an undeniable fact that you two were in love with each other? 

The general public and members of the paddock weren’t the only people that assumed as much. The other drivers thought the same, and if they were being completely honest, they were sick and tired of watching you two pine after each other and do nothing about it. 

So, they concocted a plan.

The trip was planned by a few of the drivers during the winter break, all under the ruse to relax after the gruelling season and enjoy a week lost in the snowy mountains. Half the grid was there, most of them with their significant others and the ones that weren’t were already bunking together, so it only made sense that you and Mick had to share a room. 

A room with only one bed in it.

“I mean, we’ve shared a bed before,” you said, shrugging your shoulders as you tried to remain casual.

And that much was true. You and Mick had shared a bed multiple times over the years you have been friends. It shouldn’t have been a problem, despite the lingering feelings you both held towards each other. 

Except, it did become a problem when you got ready for bed, only to realise the heater in your room was broken and the Swiss Alps were very, very fucking cold. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Y-Yeah.” 

“Schatz,” the concern was clear in Mick’s voice and you could feel him shuffling around on his side of bed. You almost jumped when you felt his hand reach for yours under the duvet, only to wince. “You’re freezing.”

“Just a little,” you murmured, your teeth chattering as you did. You tried to pull the duvet tighter around you, but it was useless. 

“C’mere,” he murmured, but he didn’t give you a chance to even move before his arms were wrapped around you and tugging you towards him. 

Your body instantly fit against his with your legs tangled together and your hands slipping under his shirt (despite the small wince he let out, he didn’t stop you). Your face nuzzled into the crook of his neck and he pressed a kiss to the crown of your head. 

“Mick?”

“Yes, schatz?” 

“Your heart is beating really fast.”

There were a few beats of silence before he spoke. 

“Yeah,” he murmured, clearing his throat a little. “You tend to have that reaction on me.” 

You pretended like your own heart didn’t want to beat out of your chest. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” he whispered. 

“You make my heart beat fast as well,” you whispered and you risked lifting your head to look at him, only to find he was already staring at you. 

“Can I do something?” He asked, his blue eyes searching for even a glimpse of discomfort in your face. 

But you nodded and Mick couldn’t resist the urge to lean down and press his lips against yours. It was soft and hesitant, like you both knew you were crossing a line you didn’t know how to navigate. But it was still telling, it still whispered the words both of you were terrified to say. 

“Mick?”

“Yes, schatz?” 

“What does this mean?” 

“I don’t know,” he murmured, his nose brushing against yours. “Let’s talk about it in the morning, when you’re not dying of hypothermia.” 

You laughed softly and something in his chest eased as you nuzzled yourself back against him, enjoying the warmth of his body against yours. 

It wasn’t until hours later, when your bodies were still tangled under the sheets and pressed up against each other, when the others peaked through the door to see the best friends in bed together. 

“Told you breaking the heater would work,” Lando muttered with a grin.  

“Wait, you actually did that?” Carlos muttered. 

“Mate, what about the deposit?” Charles questioned. 

“Shhh, I gave him permission!” Daniel waved them off, grinning. “He did it for love!” 

.

[emoisthenewemu]

"Their Love Ripened with Them" ~ Zoë Hange x F!Reader

"Seldom had two people loved more than they did; they loved with an ardour undiminished by time; as they ripened, so their love ripened with them" Radclyffe Hall, The Well of Loneliness

WC: 11.1k (oops)

A/N: OOOWHEEEE this story has been sitting close to a YRRR (i did forget ab it for half of that time). lowk inspired by the well of loneliness only bc i was reliving my sapphic literature phase. wow i have been so excited to post this because i had to take my time it's so special to me. i wanted true wlw YEARNING, as a catholic bisexual this hit deep. Zoë Hange you will always own a piece of my heart.

CW: LESBIAN ANGST, YEARNING, Hange is kinda fluid in their gender (she/they) and is referred to using both pronouns, homophobia (readers family is extremely conservative), Zoë is poked fun at for being 'weird', marriage to a MAN, man hating, curse words, slightt suggestiveness, CHEATING, crying, breakups, PAIN, cliffhanger ending

PT2 COMING SOON!!

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Zoë Hange has been single all of their life. Always being told you're 'too much' or 'weird' or 'freaky' can weigh a person down, so much so to the point where you might believe what everyone has been saying is true. Yes, Zoë agrees they are too much for any sane person to handle-Lord knows they wouldn't want to put up with them self so why would anyone else? Once they reached adulthood, they never had the desire to marry-even date as all of their comrades began to create their own family and settle down Zoë did nothing but watch. Thanking Sheena that they have never found themself in such a predicament. Being a Scout was busy work anyways; it did not leave time for much else. Especially for a person like Zoë who spent all of their free time locked away thinking up new experiments. They were secure in being single.

That's not to say they do not find people attractive. Hange is quite the woman-lover. Some men are fortunate enough to catch her eye, but in those cases, it has to be very specific and even then slightest thing can turn them off.

Women are a different story.

Women are soft and pretty. They smell good and have sweet voices. Women are Zoë's only weakness, the only thing which could ever deviate their laser-focused attention on all things titan. They would never be irresponsible about it of course, but even the hardest working soldiers deserve a break sometimes.

That is exactly why they have found themselves visiting a little bakery on the outskirts of the district. Erwin has been raving about their pastries and Zoe has decided they need to find out if they are as good as he says they are. Levi has joined them, mostly because he was forced by his Commander to socialize and take a break from all the training every once in a while. He remains quiet as Zoë blabbers both of the men's ears off talking about their notes on the latest expeditions.

"How did you come across this place anyways?" Zoë cannot help but question, it's very out of the way when you consider Erwin's usual route to go back home and visit family.

"One of the MP's recommended it to me. His girlfriend has been working here since it opened"

"MP?" Levi questions. "Then it's gonna be shit"

The bell above the door rings as you take some freshly made buns out of the oven, causing you to wipe off all of the flour from your hands. You go to greet your newest customers, shocked to find three members of the Scout Regiment in front of you. Erwin, you have met before, thanks to your boyfriend he now frequents your shop. And Levi you have heard about of course, he is Humanity's strongest after all. But the other one, you have no idea.

Your chest tightens at the sight of her. Eyes do a quick scan up and down which you think is not obvious, but Zoë catches on immediately, perhaps because they were doing the same thing to you. "Erwin! You've brought me some customers!"

The man laughs as you make your way to greet him with a friendly hug and he introduces you to the shorter man beside him. But it seems your eyes are elsewhere, stuck on the stranger who makes your chest feel warm. Their ponytail is sticking everywhere, as untamed as the grin which dons their face. A nice white button up with black pants which seem to fit them nicely-oh wow, close your mouth. You're practically drooling.

"This is Squad Leader, Zoë Hange. My right-hand man"

If Zoë had not been so preoccupied on committing your face to memory, they might hold onto the fact that Erwin considers them his 'right-hand man'. They stick out their hand almost comically, their grip is firm. Almost enough to make you wince as you cannot help but look into their wild eyes. There is an unspoken spark between you two, it almost feels like a jolt of electricity beneath your fingertips.

Your hands are soft and warm like the fluffy loafs you had previously popped out of the oven. What a sight you are, Zoë thinks. They always remember how pretty you looked that first day they met you.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Zoë" Your smile is inviting, only drawing the soldier in closer.

"The pleasure's all mine" Their words are accompanied by a not-so-subtle wink that makes you chuckle, cheeks warming up from all the body heat trapped in the room, yea-that's what it is.

Their visit is pleasant, although you and Zoë do most of the talking. They ask how early you must have to wake up in the mornings to prepare the dough and you tell them you arrive before the sun is even up. You talk all about the old lady who owns the shop that can no longer handle it by herself, how you spend most days as the one of the only employees because it is rare to see the frail woman out of bed these days. And they listen, Erwin throws in an occasional comment or two, but it is clear Zoë is in charge of the conversation. They never fail to find a new thing to bring up. They talk your ear off until it is time for them to leave and you would be lying if you said you weren't sad to see them go.

They give you a firm hug-chests pressed together as you take in the scent of their cologne. The scent lingers in your mind as you close up later that night, you swear it smells like they are still there.

"Oh, thank Sheena you made me shower before I left Erwin! I think we just found the love of my life!" Zoë swoons.

The man laughs, he knew you were a nice young lady. Which is why he had the decency to dousing his squad leader in cologne before they left for town. He'll be damned if his soldiers are walking around smelly and making him look bad. And Zoë thanks him because they are certain you took a big sniff when the two of you were hugging goodbye. "Forgive me for saying this Hange but I fear you're not her type" Erwin tries to let them down easy.

Zoë freezes, both of the men stalling to look back at their offended friend. "Oh please! I know a woman lover when I see one!"

Levi scoffs, ever-so-blunt. "I thought you weren't a woman"

"I'd rather be a woman than a man!"

Erwin laughs at his boisterous comrade, a part of him dares to feed into their delusions. "She did seem quite talkative today. I've never had such a long conversation with her"

"Thought you said she has a boyfriend" Levi interjects.

Zoë can only laugh. "He's an MP! MPs don't know how to treat a lady!"

"And you do?"

"Yes, I'm quite familiar" Zoë adjusts the glasses on their face, a devious smirk begins to grow. It seems you have lit a fire in their soul, for the first time in a long time they crave something. Someone. And Hange always gets what they want, they'll scheme if they have to.

⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓

It takes two more visits over the course of a month before Hange is absolutely certain you are not as 'straight' as you pretend to be. Every time you are just as friendly and inviting as before, it doesn't seem to bother you that they stay longer than the average customer. But even then, all of the conversations are very surface level, almost like both of you are afraid to take it any further. You even send them back home with a few extra treats-you were going to throw them away anyways. So, you don't charge the soldier, you insist their presence is enough payment.

It is a lonely life you live. You've come to tell Hange all about it. How you are your parents only child and the only thing they have ever wanted for you is to get married and start a family. Your father is a very traditional man, he believes men have a role as the head of the household, they are the protectors and decision makers. And it is your job as a woman to keep your man happy, to maintain a clean house and ensure there is dinner on the table every night. He did not let you go to school like you wanted; to study medicine and it was not like you could afford it yourself at the time. You have the money now though and you admit to Hange that sometimes you think about getting an education in secret-to make something of yourself.

"Honestly, it makes me kind of sick. I love my dad but sometimes I feel like the only thing he thinks I'm good for is to be a wife" You speak honestly, you do not know how you found yourself so comfortable with the soldier. You have never told anyone about wanting to go to school, just Hange.

"I'm afraid it's a generation thing. My folks were the same way" Zoë admits between bites of pastry, small crumbles falling from their lips. "But you should go to school, it's not right to live your life for someone else"

Those words hit particularly hard, a slight twinge in your chest because it is so much deeper than you let on. How you have spent your life ignoring a fact you know to be true-one that would make your father ashamed you were ever born. And you are so lost in thought that you remain silent for a while, picking at the skin of your nails. This is the deepest your conversations have ever gone, and a part of you wonders why they would even care. "Oh, I don't know...probably too late to start now"

Your eyes meet and you extend a hand to their shoulder, rubbing it graciously. "Thank you for listening to me Hange...lately it feels like no one does"

"What about your boyfriend?" Zoë has been waiting weeks to ask that question. The shock on your face is evident. "I mean-doesn't he listen to you?"

You are a bit taken aback that Zoë knows about him because you had failed to mention anything about your relationship until now. You knew you did it on purpose but weren't ready to admit it. You were probably naive to think Erwin hadn't mentioned it before. But honestly you hadn't thought about him in weeks. You laugh at the thought that he would be open to talking about your feelings. "I hardly ever see him anymore...and he's not much of a talker"

"Well why not? Doesn't he come and visit?"

The Sun is starting to go down and you are starting to clean up, but you don't mind Zoë's presence. You cannot remember the last time it felt like someone was interested in what you had to say. "He's very busy...but if he gets promoted then he says he'll move me out there with him"

"Is that what you want?"

You pause your movements, nails digging into the wood of the broomstick. "Sure" It was always your father's dream to live inside wall Sheena, to give you and your mother 'the life you deserve'.

Zoë laughs. "I'm not convinced".

You mimic the smile on their face, teasing as you turn your head to get a better look at them. "And what do you want Hange? Enough of me. I'd like to know what your future entails"

"Hmm" It is clear that Zoë takes your question very seriously, eyebrows furrowed in thought as they bring up a hand to their chin. "I'd have to keep you the rest of the night to tell you about everything I want, sweetheart"

Your eyebrows raise at the nickname, the smile on your face fails to drop. "We can save it for next time then"

Zoë is fetching their coat, painfully aware of the fact that they have a long trek ahead of them. But it's worth it, this is the most relaxed they've been in weeks. It feels like they can forget the stress which eats away at them most nights, the thoughts of every single comrade they failed to save. Over here things are not hectic, they have no responsibility. To be able to kick their feet up and chat with a pretty lady, being fed sweets which will most definitely give them a headache in the long run-it doesn't get much better than this. "Until next time, YN. I will get my list started of all my hopes and dreams now"

"You better" You walk them to the front of the shop, a shy smile on your face. Ignoring the pit in your chest because you don't want them to go. The second Zoë leaves you will go back to the same monotonous routine you've done for the past nine years. You will get up at the same time every morning, step into the same tattered clothes because there is not much point in trying to impress people these days-you'd just get covered in flour anyways. On your days off you visit your parents and make them dinner, maybe read a book or write a letter to your boyfriend. You greet the same customers every week and prepare the same things, sometimes it feels like and endless loop you will never escape.

"I'll be waiting for you, Hange" You give them a hug, their arm rests comfortably around your waist. It creates butterflies in your stomach as you pull away slightly to look them in the eye one more time.

"Zoë" They insist. It would sound so lovely coming out of your mouth. "Call me Zoë"

"Goodnight Zoë" You push the bag of pastries into their chest, they almost forgot to take it home. "Get home safe"

You have given Zoë something to think about. What is their end goal? What is the point to everything they do?

What do I want?

Zoë thinks aloud as if the horse were going to provide an answer. It is a bit of a loaded question; they meant it when they said it would take all night to answer. There are many things Zoë wants; to find out what's truly on the other side of the walls, where Titans even come from in the first place. To find the right way to avenge all those who died for the cause, to make their sacrifice meaningful. However (selfish as it may be), atop the list of Zoë Hange's wants and needs sits one very special person.

You.

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The next time you almost see each other you are unaware that Hange has been working up a scheme of sorts against you. To prove it to their comrades (but mostly themself) that you indeed are interested in women-that Hange may actually have a chance with you. Levi and Moblit think Hange is full of it. However, Erwin and Nanaba seem to believe in their enamored friend. They want to be optimistic about things and Erwin is well aware that your MP boyfriend has been neglecting you anyways, why shouldn't his friend be there to pick up the pieces?

Zoë has even managed to bring some of Levi's squad into the middle of all this-well just one in particular. Petra is going to be their 'bait' for today. And she is more than happy to even be involved-it is evident in her face as she skips along with a few of her superiors. They walk and talk as Hange applies some rouge to the young Scout's lips.

"I can't believe you managed to drag Petra into this stupid little plan of yours" Levi grumbles. "Do you not find it demeaning?" He asks the woman whose corset would burst had it been done any tighter.

"Demeaning?! I'm flattered that I was the first hot girl Hange could think of!" Petra means it, truly.

The man only sighs, regretting entertaining such childish antics by tagging along. The only reason was to stop by a bookstore around the corner and he did not really feel like walking around town by himself. Definitely not because he was being nosey and wanted watch how it all plays out.

Once they reach the corner by your comfy little bakery, Hange stops-pushing the two women towards the shop. Zoë insists they must not tag along or else you will suspect their little rouse. It is essential. Levi calls it stupid. Forcing sweet innocent Petra to go in there and flirt with you, galivant around in some tight dress. It was offensive to both of you-to women all throughout the walls really. But it seemed Hange's rose-colored glasses were causing them to go blind and there was not much anyone could say to stop them. Perhaps it was a distraction from all of the carnage they had been suffering back home. Maybe he should indulge in his friend whom he knows has not slept in days. They go to his bookstore, but Zoë's mind has clearly not joined them-their eyes constantly darting towards the door as if they were expecting you to walk right through it.

It's so serious that Zoë is willing to miss out on seeing your face, just this one week. It wouldn't help out with the experiment, scientifically speaking. And Levi reminds them that they are stupid for not just going in there to talk to you as Hange whines on their way back about how much they miss you. "Call me crazy, but what if you just ask her out on a date?"

"You're crazy!" Hange laughs and Levi rolls his eyes, purposefully walking forward because he knows Zoë would not dare step into your line of sight.

Finally, some peace and quiet, he sighs. How did he find himself in the midst of such lowly behavior? The door to your shop swings open and he watches Nanaba and Petra say their farewells. Things seem friendly-nothing worth noting. You even get a glimpse of him, waving because it is simply in your nature to be so amicable. This plan was definitely a bust, even if the women do think you were flirting back who's to say you were not just being nice? He waves back, slightly shaking his head because he will now have to hear about the disappointment of it all on the horse ride home.

Then Petra drops something, he's not sure what exactly fell to the ground because if he was being honest his eyes are elsewhere. He looks away for a few seconds only to meet you in some awkward eye contact as you realize the both of you caught each other gawking at the very same thing. Levi walks away swiftly, not even offering a goodbye as he tries to catch up to his fellow soldiers who are now several steps ahead of him.

"I'm telling you Hange! I was laying it on! And she did not seem interested at all, she was asking about you the whole time!"

"She even sent us some extra bread rolls for you-" Nanaba is cut off by Hange snatching the bread out of the bag.

"So, what does this mean?!" They ask in between mouthfuls.

"It means I lost my touch" Petra whines, slightly insulted that her charm had not worked.

"I think it means she likes you" Nanaba ignores her sulking friend.

"But it is it as a friend?! Or could it be more?"

Levi had to squeeze his way through a crowd of people that had somehow magically appeared. Now picking up the pace to try and tell his fellow soldiers about his latest discovery. It is not long before he runs up in front of them, halting the group's movements. "Hange! You were right! YN's a woman lover!"

"Huh?"

"I caught her looking at Petra's ass when she bent over" He sounds almost proud of himself.

"Really?!" Hange and Petra squeal in unison, it is not clear who is more excited at the revelation.

Petra has a sudden blush to her face. "Wait Captain! Does that mean you were looking too?" The way they all fall into a fit of laughter certainly does not help his case, ears turning pink due to the embarrassment.

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When Hange is gone you miss them. Their presence, wild eyes and at times questionable jokes. You always laugh at their jokes though, so you aren't sure who the weird one is supposed to be. They only have the time to come around once every other weekend (if that). You count the days as they go by, eighteen days have passed since their last visit, so you are eagerly awaiting their arrival by the time Saturday morning comes. Their friends from last weekend assured you that Hange would be off today. But it is far past afternoon, and they have yet to set foot in your shop, usually they are one of your first customers of the day.

The bell above the door rings and you unashamedly run out of the kitchen, expecting that excited smile you had grown so accustomed to.

Instead, you come to face your boyfriend in his uniform, for some reason your face slightly drops. A sudden weight in your chest as you step forward to greet him. He kisses you and you feel nothing, an unfamiliar ache in your heart as you pull away. "James, I-I had no idea you would be visiting"

You subconsciously flatten your skirt, swatting at your hair in an attempt to make yourself look a bit more presentable. You have not looked your best lately-you can admit that. "Would have fixed myself up a bit more" You chuckle as he places a quick peck to your lips.

"Aw don't worry about that, darling. It looks like it has been a long day" He rubs your arm soothingly.

The MPs are in town, due to some renovations in their living quarters. They are visiting family, planning to go out and make the most of the opportunity of having a few days off. It seems your boyfriend has plans at a pub nearby-most of his MP friends will be in attendance and they are so excited that they even invited the Scouts. You almost choke on your tea at that revelation, now home as you multi-task. Going between powdering your face and enjoying the hot liquid because for some reason you feel so cold. You sigh, looking at James who blabbers on about how he is getting closer to the King and expects to climb the ranks any day now. He is good to you, although a bit neglectful, he has never disrespected you. Nor has he made you cry or even argued with you really. Maybe it was because you did not care enough to argue, to pout when things do not go your way. He never asked for your opinion anyways, it was always about him. But you did not mind because you did not even know yourself-you could never bare your soul to a man who would not understand. Being with James was convenient for both of you, it made him look good because he had someone to talk about, a beautiful woman to bring to all the military events who did not ask for much.

And you are using him even more than he is using you. Using him to keep your parents off your back about being single for so long, although they do still constantly ask when you will be engaged. The thought makes you shudder, even the idea of marrying a man makes you feel ill. But it is what your father wants. And he is the only man in your life who genuinely cares for you, bigotry aside.

James is handsome and has a good job. One that ensures he does not invade your privacy or personal life. He was kept away at a distance, which made you happier than actually seeing him. You try not to think about the day where you inevitably have to move in together. 

That is all you think about on the walk over; hair now done and dressed all pretty the way you know James likes. You are noticeably fidgeting; the man grabs your hand in an attempt to comfort your nerves. "I have no idea why you look so nervous.... I thought you would be excited" He half mumbles that last part but you catch it.

"Why would I be excited?! All of your friends' wives look down on me like I'm some charity case" You grumble, throwing his hand off of yours. Most of them grew up rich and the others are wasting all of their time pretending they lived the same way. Whenever you are around them you can feel the venom of their glare, jealousy? Envy? You aren't sure what has caused it, but it has always been clear they do not like you.

"I thought you made friends with the Scouts!"

"Who told you that?!" You do not mean to sound so defensive.

"Erwin! What's the big deal?!" He slightly raises his voice, causing the people around you to turn their heads over for a look.

You fall silent, averting his gaze. "Nothing" You sigh.

"If anything, I'm happy you're finally making some friends. Don't have to complain about how lonely you are" He did not mean for it to sound as backhanded as it did. You take offense to the comment and huff, slapping away the hand which tugs at your coat.

Picking up the pace, you find yourself several steps ahead of him, taking a deep breath as your eyes dart around the multiple Soldiers surrounding the area. It seemed like half of the King's entire army had been invited. You find yourself wondering, apprehensive at the thought of the familiar face you wished to see most in the world. And then it appeared.

James had finally caught up with you, not that you noticed the arm snaking around your waist as he prepared to enter the pub. Clearly, you had other plans. He almost trips over his own feet at the resistance of your body as he tries to tug you along. You remain frozen like a statue, head cocked in the complete opposite direction ever since you caught sight of that unruly mocha hair. You almost fail to notice the fact that it is the most genuine smile which crossed your face all day-a familiar warmth spreading throughout your chest.

"YN!" Zoë Hange's voice is a shout from the heavens above, the way it immediately brings you back to life.

"Oh, don't mind me, James I'll catch up with you soon" You do not fail to catch the surprised look on his face, almost judgmental with a raised brow. "What?"

"Hange? You've made friends with Hange?"

You're completely dumbfounded at the reaction. "Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"Err....she's a little weird, don't you think? Not the kind of company I would expect you to keep"

You gasp at his words, shoving him in the chest perhaps a bit harder than intended. "No! I think they're brilliant!"

James speaks in a condescending tone. "Whatever that means"

You march off with a groan. You can't believe how much of an ass he is being. And about Hange of all people, a person who (in your eyes) has never done a thing wrong in their life. As careless as that thought may be, you know their every waking moment is spent trying to protect the people they care about-the people living behind the walls. You aren't sure you can say the same about James. Hange notices the defeated look on your face, immediately on guard. "What's wrong?" They ask as soon as you are within earshot.

"Come with me"

You drag Zoe away without an explanation, grabbing them by the wrist and completely missing the way they look back at their comrades-a gleeful expression as they give a thumbs-up. They almost want to beg their friends to wish the two of you good luck. Levi and Erwin are completely dumbfounded, although the Commander feels a sense of pride swelling in his chest.

You drag Zoe to the only thing you have that is all yours. The place you disappear off to when times are tough, and you need to feel like the only person left in the World. It always feels that way, that you are alone in the things you try to hide. You have not shared it with another soul. A clearing at the edge of a farm you visit on an almost weekly basis. If you walk all the way out to the edge and hop the fence it gets so quiet the only thing you can hear is the distant mooing of cows and the sound of your own breath. The first time you found this place was when you swore at twelve years old that you were running away. After your father caught you kissing a girl from across the street.

You laugh at the memory; you thought your life was over. That you should just curl up into a ball and die. The reality of it was that you returned home the next morning and the two of you never mentioned it again. You also never dared to indulge in that urge ever again.

"You planning to murder me out here?" Zoë finally speaks, easing the tension. Your body relaxes, slumping back against the fence you insist they climb over to get the whole experience. It's not worth stargazing through gaps of wood.

"You've caught on to my plan" You joke, leaning forward in an attempt to be menacing. As if Hange could ever fear you. "Although I would be screwing myself over if I murdered my only friend"

"My devilish charm strikes again" They smile, revealing the steel flask Erwin had gifted them before arriving at the pub. He insists they should drink that first, so they do not have to spend as much money on beer, resourceful as ever.

But the two of you have it now and it does not take long for the liquid to come pouring out. Passed between the both of you as you share your deepest regret; ever getting into a relationship with James in the first place. You are not sure when you began talking about him, or how the topic was even brought up in the first place. You are almost certain Zoë did not ask but for some reason you tell them. You admit that it is all just a facade, you are trying to prove something to yourself more than genuinely put an effort into the relationship. By the time you find the right words the flask is empty as the ache in your heart. "I care about him but it just.... doesn't feel right"

Zoë looks at you knowingly, they feel it too. That ache of not knowing what it is your soul is after. The confusion of being told one thing but wanting another. How isolating it can be. You cannot say what it is that you find so captivating about them. Incapable of explaining the heat which fills your entire body as they eat you alive with their gaze. The tantalization which has plagued your entire life sits right in front of you, a direct reflection of everything you want.

Someone soft and pure who understands. Who takes over your mind, body and soul, stimulates your senses. Never has a simple look said so much.

"But things have always been like that. I have never truly connected with anyone" You add on, not so subtly shuffling your body closer. The cool blades of grass tickle at the exposed area of your shin, reminding you of the harsh winter air. You really should have dressed warmer for the occasion. "My whole life has felt like one big question even I don't know the answer to"

Zoë Hange takes the initiative to rest a hand on your thigh, looking into your eyes intently. They want you to understand how deeply they hear you, that they have listened to every word you've said since meeting you. They would wait a million years for this very moment, for the time when all the stars aligned, and it finally felt right. Another hand brings itself up to brush a strand behind your ear and you lean into their touch, fingers softly running down the wrist which supports your head. Moving closer than ever, Hange takes a deep breath in-resting their forehead atop yours. "I hear you YN. I can't tell you the numbers of nights I lay awake wondering what made me the way I am"

The moment is so tender and sincere you could cry. Moving your face closer to theirs, you nudge your nose against theirs so slow and deliberate it could come off as if you were doing it on purpose. Truth is, every movement is involuntary, like something had taken over and wants to devour every second spent like this.

Take your time. Make it last.

It is all you can think for fear that it may not ever happen again.

Zoë cannot hold out any longer, crashing their lips against yours in a hungry fury. They've dreamt about the way your lips taste, but it was not nearly as good as the real thing. No, this is perfect. So much more than they can imagine. Small whines and sound of lips smacking beneath the twinkling stars. Two bodies of forbidden lovers moving in sync, gnawing and clawing at each other so needy there is no room to breathe. Zoë does not allow you to catch your breath-they can be your source of oxygen, swallowing every huff you attempt to let out. They cannot let you go; you may never come back.

They grip at your hips and thighs, squeezing a particular spot that makes you squeal. "Hange!" Your laugh is again, swallowed by their mouth.

They groan, biting your lip because they now know they would much rather hear you moan their name than simply just say it. You allow them to pull you into their lap. You encourage their hands to roam as they please, granting Zoë access to every inch of your body.

And then you pull at the disheveled brown mop atop their head, causing the sexiest most pathetic whimper you've ever heard leave Hange's lips. You whisper their name, tugging again before rolling your tongue against Zoë's.

They do not need to be convinced before ravishing you with love bites, not caring what might be left of you when they finish. If anything, that makes it better, they hope your stupid boyfriend sees it.

Rocking you in their lap, the two of you continue to kiss until your lips feel swollen and tingly. Until both of your hairs are knotted messes from all the tugging and the necklines of both of your tops are extremely disheveled. "Oh Zoë" You whine into their lips, kisses growing softer but still full of need and desire. "You have no idea how bad I wanted this" You suck at their bottom lip selfishly. You cannot get enough.

"Me too YN" They gasp when you nibble a bit at their earlobe, it sends jolts of electricity down their body. "I nearly prayed for a chance to feel your body against mine"

Never has a kiss been so satisfying, been able to feed the craving which ate at you for years. It feels like it could be enough to power you through another month of the dull cycle that is your life. "I've been so selfish..." You pout, redoing the buttons you had frantically pulled apart moments before.

You kiss their jaw, then their neck, and collarbone. "Please, I have done more than enough talking" You peck their lips again before taking their face into your hands adoringly. "I'd like to know everything about you"

When you get home hours later, swollen lips and covered in marks your boyfriend does not notice. You find him passed out in the couch of your living room; half dressed. It seems he walked home drunk and gave up before making it into the bedroom, which was only a few steps away. You almost feel guilty for the contempt that fills you as you watch him sleep, almost disgusted with the way he's presented himself.

You hate him. You hate all men.

Maybe not all, most would be fair to say. They fill you with rage and disgust. They make you want to throw up.

They make you want to cry. You cry as you stare at the man whom you are supposed to love but suddenly feel nothing for. The one you are done trying to convince yourself that you like. He does not please you, or satisfy you, or even support you.

He is just there. Taking up space. And worst of all, you let him. The man you have known for years is suddenly a stranger in your house, your space which you have so carefully built. Not even your home is safe from the wrath of man.

You cry until it feels like you might pass out, the weight of it all finally kicking in. That you have to make a decision one day. The decision to please your family and do what is expected of you.

Or the decision to be free.

⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓

Hange remains the only harbinger of peace in your life. The next time the two of you see each other it is much different than the others. Usually, they would come bright and early, spend the whole day with you and return once the Sun goes down. But this time they arrive an hour before you close-a surprise to you seeing as you expected them to not even show up once the clock passed ten thirty. You figured they must be busy. But they arrive with a smile bigger than ever, if that was possible.

And instead of your usual friendly greeting they take a look around, ensuring there are no customers in sight before stepping forward and enveloping you in a hug that makes you forget all about the struggles of your everyday life. In Zoë's arms you feel so safe and protected, you feel like yourself. And then they kiss you, firm and excitedly. Almost messy with the movements of your lips, so much so that you giggle against them.

"Was that okay?" They ask for fear that they may be coming on too strong. Perhaps that kiss in the field was supposed to be a one-time thing.

Instead, you flash your pearly whites, eyes glazed over with something that is not lust. Much stronger than want or need. You pull them by the collar of their shirt and kiss them again, wrapping your arms around their neck as you stand on your tiptoes to reach more of them. "What a silly question" You tease, lips pulled apart but still fully embracing each other. "I fear that I've thought about your lips more than anything else this past week"

"Fine by me" Zoë insists before another peck of their lips. But they are fidgety, shifting with your body in their arms as their eyes dart all around.

"What is it?" You whisper, bringing their gaze back to you with a finger on their chin as you become suddenly aware that it is growing dark out. "And what brings you here so late?"

"I was hoping..." Zoë starts, pausing lightly to look down at their feet. The fear of being too forward is stuck in their head. The last thing they need to do is scare you off the way they have done to everyone their whole life.

"That it would be okay if I accompany you back to your house today?"

You are the first person who has looked at them without an ounce of doubt. Hange realizes that as the corner of your lips tug up into a smile. What a wonderful feeling that is, to be accepted completely. "Of course you can"

From then on, Hange's visits take place at your house rather than the bakery. You talk and eat dinner together; on occasion they will bring a fancy wine courtesy of some random civilian who wanted to thank the Section Commander for all their hard work. Being a Scout has its perks sometimes.

It is one of the only benefits. Zoë is suddenly aware of how much free time they fail to have. Time that could be spent with you. But they manage, waiting weeks for the opportunity to simply enjoy your presence. Sometimes you talk each other's ears off. No single topic in mind, just mindless rambling about anything you think of. Others are more quiet, spent in each other's arms comfortably. And neither of you dare speak of what this all could mean for your relationship.

The only thing which confounds Zoë is why you ever allowed them into your life in the first place. Hange is not great on first impressions, or second, or thirds.

So why did it all come so easy with you? How did the conversation flow so naturally within moments of meeting you? Is this how everyone who's ever fallen in love feels?

So many questions. Especially because Zoë knows better than to let her mind wander on the topic of you. You have a boyfriend and will likely become his wife. This is all temporary. And they would rather not think of the day when they have to move on. Being so secretive makes it exciting, more personal because no one else is aware of whatever you have going on between the two of you. These moments of serenity belong to you and Hange only.

You find yourself in the warmth of their embrace, cuddled over on your side of the bed although there is plenty of empty space. They just need to be touching you, no gap of space to be found. They want to die knowing they have touched every inch of your skin. "YN?"

"Yes, my dear?" You laugh because you have no idea why they are whispering.

My dear. You aren't sure when you started calling Zoë that, but it just rolls off your tongue perfectly. It also makes your lovers ears perk up in excitement each time. "Can I just say I still cannot believe we get to do this...I mean, most people would not take you for a woman lover"

You snort aloud, sitting up in bed. "A woman lover? What are you?! 12?" You ask, slightly offended but a twinge of jest to your tone. Your eyes sparkle in the way you look at them, creases forming at the corners.

"It's just...it all seemed so silly at first. I never thought there was a chance you could actually like me" They mean it truly. They cannot begin to count the number of times they had been pushed away by their peers, being called delusional for ever thinking they could get somewhere in life. "No one likes me"

"I do" You pout. It pains you to hear how low they think of themselves. "I like you very much Zoë. You are brilliant and strong. Sophisticated yet playful. Brave and beautiful. You are everything I enjoy in a person"

Zoë could cry at your words, but they don't. Instead, they hold you tighter with a kiss to your head, you may be the only person alive who has ever admired them in such a way. "I enjoy you more my dearest Schatz. I would do anything for you"

They would even break off that stupid relationship you're in and marry you.

⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓

It has been over a month since the last time you saw Zoë. You have sent many letters but have yet to receive any back. The Scouts left for an expedition, and it is proving to be far lengthier than most. This worries you because no one has heard from them. Or maybe they have, and the rest of the regiment is just keeping it under wraps. You suppose that would make sense. It just could not have happened at a worse time. The shop is slower than usual, weather is growing harsher, and you are certain that James is going to propose soon. And worst of all, your father is sick.

You feel so alone and lost. Especially now that your father has grown ill. You spend most nights helping look after him. Your mother is unwell, clearly not in her right mind to take care of her husband whom she spent decades with. It seems she cannot take the pain of watching her lover deteriorate into a shell of what he once was. But they are lucky to have you. Playing the role of the devoted daughter as well as you always have. They would always brag to their friends about how good of a girl you are.

You give him medicine and feed him, bathe and change him. He seems to even have lost a bit of his mind, constantly making sly comments about how he will die without any grandchildren. You ignore his words each time, but they remain in your head as the days go by.

You feel like a terrible daughter. Like you have failed to do the only thing he has ever asked of you. As if you needed any more pressure to conform. James even visits when he can. A sentiment which you appreciate more than he will ever know.

That was until you overhear a conversation with your father; one your life would be much more peaceful without.

Their words play in your head even later that night as you write Zoë her fifth letter of the month. Maybe you are just crazy-obsessive. Maybe you are using them as a coping mechanism, time with Zoë is your only escape. You end the letter off with a warning, a fat droplet falls from your eye and hits the page. It smears the last few words clean off.

I overheard James asking Father for my hand in marriage.

Zoë is exhausted and ashamed when they finally arrive back home. Everyone blames them for the failure that was their expedition. Many lives lost all for them to nab a stupid titan. One that they ended up having to kill anyways when it broke free of their restraints. One month of their lives wasted. Well not to Zoë, they collected some very valuable data that will be of use for the next time they dare venture out of the walls. Though they will have to wait for the newest batch of cadets to arrive, seeing as The Scouts are coming back home with less soldiers than they left with. No one cares about Zoë's stupid experiments; they just want their friends back.

Erwin pats them on the back, assuring that it was all worth it in the end. The only way out is forward-or something like that. Hange was not really paying attention if she's being honest. Kicking off their boots in the comfort of their own living quarters they come to find a stack of letters from you.

Thinking about how lucky they are to have someone who actually writes to them, Zoë opens the one on top with a smile on their face. This one seems to be the newest, but they cannot be too bothered to read them in order. They just need to hear what you have to say. You bring Zoë comfort.

However, that comfort is completely erased as they take in your words. Each line seems to grow even more abysmal as you go on about all of your misfortune and worries. Zoë's brows furrow as it becomes clear to them that they were gone in the moments you needed them most. All areas of your life have seemed to come crashing down. They begin to grow ill as they read the last line, standing up and clutching their desk so hard the wood begins to splinter beneath their nails.

They put their coat on, still with the letter in hand and march out to the halls. Unaware of where they are even going, they just need to pace. And breathe. They go all the way up to the rooftop-where the harsh winter air sends goosebumps all over their skin. Panting as they hunch over the ledge. For a moment it feels as if they may vomit.

"You don't plan on jumping off, do you?" Erwin's voice snaps them out of it, their body jolts at the sudden sound.

"You scared me" Hange half mumbles.

"My apologies" Erwin nods, taking a few steps closer to Hange who is as pale as the moonlight. He knows exactly why she is out here. "I was looking for you. You weren't in your quarters"

"Needed some fresh air" Zoë almost forgets they are still clutching your letter close to their chest.

"Uh huh" Erwin joins Zoë in leaning against the ledge, looking out into the place they fight so hard every day to protect. It is so peaceful now. You can almost forget that Titans exist in the first place. Almost. "I was catching up on a few things sent in from the MP's....updates and whatnot"

Zoë nods, not entirely sure what he is trying to get at. Well, deep down she probably does know but does not wish to face it. "James Mason has been promoted to one of the King's guards"

Zoë's heart is completely crushed. They want to just double over and fall. But they would never dare look so pathetic in front of anyone, especially their Commander. "What does that have to do with me?"

Erwin sighs, raising an eyebrow as if to ask 'really?'. "We all know he was only waiting to get promoted before asking her to marry him"

Zoë is silent for a while, they consider wishing the two of you luck, but they cannot force the words out of their mouth if they tried. So, they give up, with a sigh that comes from a place deep within their chest. "How did you-"

"Do not take me for a fool" He laughs, attempting to lighten up the mood although it may be impossible. "You spent months obsessing over this woman and all of a sudden you just stop talking about her? I knew something was afoot. Not to mention the way you would disappear entirely on your weekends off"

Hange only nods, it feels like they have been caught red handed.

"So, what happened?"

Zoë groans, bringing a hand over their face as they try to rub the dull ache out of their head. "We were.... together"

"Are you still?"

"I would hope so" She admits. "Or maybe I should not have hope" They look down for a while, staring at their shoes and the cobblestone beneath their feet. They imagine it crumbling and their body goes falling right through it-that would certainly put an end to all the distress. "What do you think Erwin? Should I just leave her be?"

"Do you love her?"

That is the million-dollar question Zoë has been unable to answer. Out of nothing but pure fear. They were secure in their feelings for you, certain of how much they liked you. But Erwin is right, does she love you?

It seems the word leaves her lips before her brain can even process it all. "Yes"

"Well then, you better tell her before it is too late"

Zoë nods again, a ball of nothing but anxiety and pure dread in their chest. "How long ago did you receive the news?"

There's a chance they may be too late already.

"One week since the last letter"

The next morning Hange wastes no time before leaving to your district. Stopping by the bakery first, they are more than concerned to find it closed-on a day they are certain you work. Never have they come to find your shop closed. It makes them fear the worst. They make their way to your apartment next, heart pounding and an unfamiliar ringing in their ears. Their nerves are starting to get the better of them. Zoë might just have to stop on the way and throw up. Clutching their chest, their movements are anything but graceful. Quick and rushed, they lose their footing a few times but keep moving forward. Perhaps they should not have left their horse so far behind.

And the closer Zoë gets to you, the more it feels like they can no longer wait. They are unable to hold it in anymore, maybe they should have brought a ring because if you let her go on long enough, she might just propose on the spot. If that will keep you-they would do anything to be yours.

They are about to start running when they see him-James. James looks tired and worn out. He notices Hange almost immediately. "Zoë! Oh, good thing you've stopped by. She's a mess! Maybe you can go talk to her!"

"Huh?" Hange is puzzled, their eyes dart down to his hand which has no ring. That's a good sign at least.

"Her father passed away three mornings ago. Died in his sleep" He states rather bluntly. "I haven't left her side since. But she's running out of food, I was going to stop and get groceries. Maybe you can talk to her? I know she's grown quite fond of you"

"Oh yeah, of course" Hange snaps out of it for a second. The guilt suddenly hits them as they look James in the eye. He looks concerned, genuinely worried for your wellbeing. He was there when you needed him, she wasn't. How can Zoë come to face him knowing all they have done with the woman who is supposed to be his? Maybe they are a bad a person disguised as someone virtuous. "What horrible news"

"Yes" The man sighs, looking to the ground in thought. "We'll likely have to push the Wedding back"

Hange's body has run cold. And the man only stares, for a moment Zoë can't help but wonder if he knows. If he is only bringing it up to prove a point.

They are clearly taken aback by the revelation. "Did she not tell you yet? I figured her closest friend would be the first to know" His voice has a level of irony to it, maybe even a hint of anger.

His eyes have narrowed, something unexplainable beneath them. But Zoë is going to die on the hill that they have done nothing wrong. "Well, I've been gone on an expedition. Just got back"

"And you immediately run off to her apartment" James arms are now crossed. "For what reason? If you truly had no idea about her father either"

"Zoë!" You gasp from the door of your place, initially stepping out for some fresh air. To be able to breathe.

And breathe you may-now that your dear Zoë is in your arms. You clutch them tight and hope to never let go, eyes wound shut for fear they make threaten to spill even more tears. But they do, your bottom lip begins to wobble as they pat your head. Looking at James, their eye contact lingers for a bit before the man walks off, caught in his own personal war.

Zoë's arms remain wrapped around you. They need to touch you. They grab your hand and bring you inside, where nobody will get the chance to see the two of you. "I'm so sorry"

Their words are nothing but a whisper as they take in the state of your apartment. Boxes surround them, a few things seem to be missing. Your couch most importantly. The one the two of you would cuddle up and take naps on.

And then Zoë sees it. A ring on your fourth finger, on your left hand. You hold it close to your body almost as if you were trying to hide it. But in no world would Hange fail to see that.

"You're engaged"

You scoff. "My father is dead"

"And I send my deepest condolences. Losing a parent is one of the hardest days of anyone's life. I truly hope you can find peace in knowing he is at rest" She sounds genuine, swallowing the lump in her throat to be able to speak. "But please do not avoid the obvious"

You stand a shell of the woman you were before, you try to be strong. To be stoic and put on the same mask you have donned since birth practically. But it is the hardest thing you have ever had to do, to look the love of your life in the face and lie to her. Especially when they are the only person you have ever been able to share your truth with. You must share your pain too, it is an ache that blinds all other senses. The world has turned upside down since even before your father died. "He asked two days before he passed" You begin, voice wavering. "My father died happy knowing I was to be a bride"

"Call it off"

"What?!" You clutch the clothing close to your chest. An unseen force pulls your body down, shoulders slumped and heavy with the weight of all your life's problems. "Y-you know I can't do that"

"Why not?" Zoë asks, completely dumbfounded that you are still going to go through with this. Your father was the main factor in why you could never truly live to be yourself. As morbid as it may sound, he is no longer around to stop you. Hange thought your old self would die with him as well. "Go to school! I will support you and we can married when you graduate. I can provide for you YN"

You take a step back, clearly the two of you are not on the same page. "Zoë....my father would be rolling in his grave if he ever knew I was with another woman. And my mother! God my mother, she might just drop dead too" You bring a hand to your head, pulling at the roots of your hair.

Zoë steps closer, bringing a hand up to your cheek. They brush a piece of hair behind your ear. "Plenty of women do it.." They whisper.

"Some" You shake your head, tears in your eyes. "Not plenty....I don't think I can deal with the stares, or the hushed whispers as we walk by! I'm not brave enough for that-I'm sorry!"

"It's who you are. You see that don't you?"

"Of course I do!" You whisper incredulously. "I fear that love may not be enough to save us from the hardships we could face! I would hate for what we have to be soiled by everyone else! I love you now, can't that be enough?!"

Zoë Hange should have stayed home, they understand that in this moment. They should have spared themselves the heartache of knowing the truth. They are shaking, their neck jerks in unnatural way as they take in your words. They should focus on the fact that you are pushing them far away-pushing their love away. But you love her, that is all Zoë hears. "You love me?"

You have fallen silent, refusing to look her in the eye when she steps forward and grabs you. One arm wraps around your waist, the other fervidly grabs your face-pulling you into a kiss full of passion and sorrow. "You love me" They repeat, practically speaking it back into your mouth. They just need to remind you. "You love me and I love you. I will devote my entire being to you until the end of time if you'd let me"

"Zoë-" Your cries are hushed by their lips. And as bad as you want to accept her into your life, you know you cannot. Your fate had already been decided, long ago. "Hange stop! Don't be so selfish! I am lost right now! I'm in no place to make any kind of decision-" You throw their arms off of you, turning away from their lips.

"You already have!" Zoë yells at you for the first time in their life. "You said yes to him so am I supposed to just let that happen?! You expect me to be okay with this?!"

You start to cry,wiping away one tear at a time. But Zoë is not yet finished. "Marriage is not the only option! You can do whatever you please and I will encourage you! I may not be able to protect you from the judgment of others but I can give you every piece of me that I have to offer"

"Zoë" Your voice is a caustic attempt at speech. The pain comes from a place deep within which has festered for years. You sob like a little girl who has lost her new toy, like a child without a mother. "I can't!"

You are hysterical, face hidden in your hands-full of shame. You aren't sure if you are more ashamed of; being a coward or the fact that you were born this way. You asked for none of this suffering, you crave happiness. "I think you should go"

"So that's it? This is how we are ending things?"

The worst part of it all is that you fail to answer although truth is-you couldn't even if you wanted to. You are far too agitated to even speak. Zoë hugs you tightly-you don't hug them back, you can only cry. Hange kisses your forehead and takes a deep breath in, they will soon forget your scent. What an awful thought.

And they cry too. For the rest of the night, until the early hours of the next morning they cry and mourn the loss of you. They knew it was coming, yet could not have been less prepared. It was too late, they were in far too deep. Your love gave Zoë life, what are they to do without it?

It is a sense of loss they are not familiar with. The loss of something that was never truly there. How do you get over something like that? With no prior experiences to connect this to, no set of rules to play by-Hange finds themself feeling hopeless. They do not enjoy change, it makes them feel itchy and uncertain. It controls her thoughts day and night. Every night they go to sleep hoping that by morning, it will all be over. That she will be over you. The weeks begin to blur by, it feels like it was just yesterday when they last saw you.

Yet at the same time it has felt like years, they remember your touch but soon begin to forget the sound of your voice. It is an off putting feeling they do not imagine themself ever growing accustomed to. The only thing they are certain of is that they will never allow themself to be put in a position to be hurt like this again.

When Erwin gets an invitation to your wedding he tries to hide it but Hange is usually the first person in his office during the mornings. They spot it almost immediately.

And then they feel sick for the rest of the week. They cannot focus on anything. Or think properly. Or eat. Most hours are spent staring blankly ahead. It is so bad that Levi of all people is the one to finally say something.

"Hange, the hell's wrong with you?" Levi questions as his comrade's hands shakily fumble with the ODM gear they were supposed to be fixing. Usually the repair process is quite easy, he has watched them glide through piles of trash and turn it into treasure. But on this particular evening it seems to be taking twice as long.

"Nothing" They insist-voice cold and emotionless.

Levi sighs. There is no one else in the world he would do this for, whom he would press further to delve into their personal problems. He has no idea the amount of times he had to stop members of his squad from doing the same thing. He doesn't care about what the hell anyones has going on outside of work-not one to ever ask a question as simple as 'how are you doing?'. But he will tonight because he cares for his friend although it may be painful to admit. "Any chance this has something to do with the fact that Yn is getting married next week?"

"Oh, is she?" Hange halfheartedly mumbles, simply pretending they cannot hear, the same way they pretend that it does not make them feel sick to be apart from you. "Had no idea" Their vision remains focused on the piece of metal in front of them. They very well may burst into tears should Levi continue to press on the matter.

"Damn it" The man groans. He hates this, he's objectively terrible at conversations like these. But he will do it for Zoë. "You can tell me, you know? I mean I was there when it was all just a stupid delusion-I doubted you for a long time. You know that but in the end you were right-the two of you have something special".

"Had"

"Huh?"

"We had something special. Then James got promoted and her father died, and I was gone, and I never even got the chance to hold her one last time-to love her once more. I came back from a month long expedition just to say goodbye" Hange has finally given up on fixing the gear, now resting back on the cold floor as their brain scrambles for ways to make Levi understand. "I will never be fortunate enough to get the closure I need"

"Closure is for dumbasses" Hange scoffs at the man's words. "It's not real, you have to accept what happened no matter what. If you guys had a conversation today would things still remain the same?"

"Yes" Zoë sighs. And that is the end of the conversation, they do not have it in them to argue. Especially on the topic of you which has been exhausted already. Months have been dedicated to you. Hours of pining and reminiscing on every little thing Hange can remember about you. How it gets harder each day to recall those glimpses of ataraxia the two of you shared.

Those days are over, Hange needs to accept it. They sigh, throwing their head into their hands the night grows into morning. Perhaps they just need some rest, maybe a few days off to collect themself. Rather than throw themself into work in an attempt to forget. Before he leaves, Levi is sure to pat Zoë's shoulder.

"You'll be all right Hange. You deserve better"

Maybe they do deserve better than you. They deserve someone whose love will never be a question, who can be honest in their emotion. It gives her a bit of hope, makes it easier to move through the day. That this is not the end all, be all. There is so much more life to live. It was starting to grow pathetic, really. They must face another day, there are still titans to study after all-more expeditions to be sought out.

Love is the last thing which should consume their mind.

The day after you were supposed to be wed is like any other for Hange. They almost forgot that the wedding was supposed to take place this week. It is hard to ignore that thought completely but they try their hardest.

Although that would soon become impossible seeing that you are marching up the stairs of the Scout Regiment Headquarters. Despite multiple protests for you to turn back around. Especially from Levi-who tried to physically stop you.

"They don't wish to see you" He claims, arms crossed as you are brave enough to push Humanity's strongest square in the chest.

You curse at him. "I didn't ask you, shorty!"

He follows you up the stairs, insults escape his lips when he can think them up. You have no idea what you are doing or where you are, calling out Hange's name at each floor as Levi scolds you.

You are surprised he didn't grab you and throw you back down the stairs. You should be grateful, really.

"Don't you have a husband to nag?" Levi scoffs.

"Don't you?!" You spit back and for a moment he looks genuinely offended. "And no! I do not, thank you very much! I didn't go through with it!"

You begin to run, knowing Zoë has mentioned something about being on the top floors. When you feel like you have gone far enough you walk down a hall which you have no clue will lead you to. It just feels right, something inside tells you Zoë is near. Grabbing a young scout who seems to be on cleaning duty, you scream at them.

"Where is Zoë Hange?!"

They point a terrified shaky finger towards the door at the end of the hall. One that leads directly into Zoë's office. You stumble in without a second thought as to what you would say when you arrive. The idea came this morning to pay a visit to Zoë and you just went with it. The need to see her seemed to override anything else.

Zoë looks up from the papers they were previously filling out, mouth agape to meet the sight of you. The only thing which has, in a word-terrorized their mind for months. "Yn what are you doing here?"

You are gasping, clutching your chest as the many flights of stairs is getting to you. Perhaps the adrenaline of showing up unannounced on the person you love the most was wearing off.

"Zoë" You sigh with the heartache of someone wounded. Someone who is dying. "Oh, my Zoë"

⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓⌓

[mieczyslawsravenclaw]

Best Friends, Is That All? - Stiles Stilinski

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

•Pairing - Stiles Stilinski x Fem!Reader

•Rating - 18+, Minors DNI - Smut - NSFW!!!

•Summary/Prompt - Just a regular ride in Stilesʼ jeep…Or it would be, if the love-struck fool could stop asking you how you feel about him. Guess someone's got a different kind of ride in mind...

•Warnings/Content - Pretty much all bases covered, they definitely fuck, tons of begging and mentions of markings and scratching, they use a condom bc SAFETY, oral oral lots of oral, TONS of petnames sorry its cheesy ik but I canʼt help it, lots of praise too bc thatʼs tasty, oh yeah and boys whimpering bc thatʼs just hot asf, they're in love so it's a little fluffier but still VERY spicy

•Word Count - 4.5k

•Authorʼs Note(s) - As always, just want to write about the spicy ideas I get from having spicy dreams, I feel like this oneʼs a little better than the last one but who knows? >_< /// (YA'LL I EXPECTED LIKE 4 LIKES ON MY SPENCER BLURB AND I GOT OVER 200 TY????? WTF???? )

•Additional Tags - they fuck in the jeep!, stiles is a whore for begging, theyʼre obsessed with eachother ffs, Switch!Stiles but mostly Sub!Stiles, he talks her through it UGH YES, CONSENT IS KEY, heʼs okay with whatever even if that means he doesnʼt get laid, Stiles is one cocky SOB with BDE and just a big dick oops, theyʼre for sure gonna fuck again before the night is over hehehe

“Do you get nervous?ˮ

The question takes me by surprise - Up until now, it had been a normal, routine drive with Stiles, albeit more fidgety than usual from his side. But once the question has left his lips, heʼs even more so, if thatʼs possible.

“Do I…yeah, definitely. Of course I do.ˮ I quirk my eyebrow at him; Heʼs avoiding my eyeline, focused far too much on the road ahead.

Something else, another question maybe, passes his lips, but itʼs far too quiet for me to catch. The poor thing is redder than a tomato, tapping his hands on the wheel as he starts to drive just a little faster unknowingly.

“Huh?ˮ

“A-About…M-mmmmm.ˮ Stiles stutters, dragging out his thought. The jeep seems to follow its driver, stuttering a bit on the road as he pushes the pedal down further.

“Sti, are you okay?ˮ

“Nervous.ˮ He repeats the word like heʼs reading it from a dictionary, not like heʼs using it as a self description. Weʼre getting further into the back roads now, and if I didnʼt know any better, Iʼd think he was bringing me out here to kill me or something.

“Pull over a sec, yeah?ˮ

He nods, bringing the jeep to a crawl along a forest road that could more accurately be called a trail, if anything. The silence is filled only by the bumping of the tires on the gravel, until we reach a stopping point, surrounded by nothing but trees for miles.

“Whatʼs eating at you, Stilinski?ˮ I turn in my seat, eyeing him in the mid-day light. Filtered through the jeepʼs dusty windows, he looks like a modern god, and my heart can hardly take it. Iʼve loved this poor boy a long time, but Iʼve never been brave enough to say it. And now, weʼre all alone in the woods for who knows what reason, and Iʼm more nervous than ever.

“Dʼyou ever get nervous…about me?ˮ He manages, his eyes squeezing shut and his fists clenching tight. He lets out a huge breath, then continues in a ramble, “God, I canʼt believe I even just asked that. Holy shit. I mean, you make me so nervous. Dʼyou know that? Youʼre my best friend, and you make me so nervous I feel like I canʼt even breathe, I want you to just reach over and break the distance between us and give in and just take me. God-ˮ

“Sti.ˮ It comes out half-choked. The lump in my throat swells - oh, my god, he likes me too? - as I scoot ever closer to him.

“Oh, of course not,ˮ He sighs, eyes still closed. He doesnʼt see me shift again, within touching distance, he just keeps on with his nervous blabber. “I mean, someone as beautiful as you with a guy like me? Come on, Stiles, get real.ˮ

“Stiles. Look at me, damn it.ˮ Hands shaking, Iʼm reaching over to touch him when he listens to me, turning and looking all in one motion.

“Oh, hi there.ˮ He blurts, flushing crimson.

“Yes, I get nervous about you, too.ˮ I can hardly believe Iʼm uttering the words. But my fear is trumped by the desperate need for him, right here and right now. I canʼt believe of all times and places, this is where itʼs gonna happen, but I donʼt quite care at the same point, either.

“You do?ˮ

“Stiles, I can barely contain myself around you. These past few months especially, I just-ˮ My reaching hands are still hanging near him, and he notices, finally, taking them in his own. I let out a shaking breath, closing my own eyes in desperate need to escape his searching gaze that sends my pulse skyrocketing. “You-Youʼre everything, do you know that? Iʼve wanted to tell you for so long, but I didnʼt think youʼd even look at me like that, I just thought-ˮ

“Best friends, nothing more?ˮ He chuckles softly, and I can sense the way his lips curl, not even needing to see it to know it. “Yeah, sounds familiar. Hey, look at me. I like you, you idiot.ˮ

My eyes open at the last few words, and seeing it straight from his mouth makes me lose myself for a moment. All I can do is blankly stare, my stomach doing flips. He likes me, he likes me, he likes me!

“Can you say something?ˮ He groans, eyes flicking between my own and down to my mouth. “Like, maybe confirm to me that you like me back? I mean, you kinda said as much, but I just really wanna hear you say it. Can you say it? Is that okay? Youʼre killing me, here-ˮ

“I like you too. Of course I do, who wouldnʼt?ˮ

“You do. For sure? Not just tryna pity me, are you?ˮ He quips, but itʼs clearly halfhearted.

“I really like you, dumbass.ˮ I move closer, dying for something to happen. Anything.

“Are you gonna kiss me now? Or am I gonna kiss you? Somebodyʼs gotta kiss somebody here, or Iʼm gonna lose it. Please, Iʼm begging you.ˮ

“Oh, youʼre begging me now?ˮ I smirk.

“Absolutely I am. If we were outside Iʼd be on my knees for you. Please, just fucking-ˮ He lets go of my hands, reaching for my waist as I grab at his collar.

We meld like itʼs second nature, lips forming together with a satisfied groan from Stiles that makes my legs weak. Somehow, I climb onto him in this cramped little jeep, bumping the steering wheel with my ass. He laughs, almost immediately going back to kissing me, a bit harder now. Itʼs clear in the way I grind my hips down to him with what I feel rising back to meet me that this is gonna take up a lot of our time together today.

I wonder for a moment if anyone will assume what weʼve gotten up to. Of course, Allison knows how I feel about Stiles, Iʼve told her a million times. I wonder if heʼs told Scott. Iʼm sure he has.

“Youʼre thinking too much,ˮ He growls, biting my lip. I moan back. “Thatʼs a lot coming from me,ˮ Another kiss, coming down my jaw now as I catch my breath. “I know. But…what can I do to get your mind back to me, hmm?ˮ

“That. Keep doing that.ˮ My hands tangle in the back of his hair, the tousled sort-of-waves that have grown out as of late being tugged as he nips at my neck.

“You want me to keep begging for you too?ˮ He teases, his lips coming up to my ear. “Cause I can do that all day, baby.ˮ

I nod, unable to grasp words with his breath against me.

“You gonna let me take you here, right now? Itʼs killing me to feel you on me like this and not have you. Please, let me have you, I canʼt stand it.ˮ

“T-tell me what you want me to do.ˮ I grasp harder at his hair, and he lets out a whimper. Oh, my god, that.

“I want you to fuckinʼ destroy me, and Iʼll beg until you do. God, Iʼm shameless, I donʼt even care if weʼre out here all alone or not, just please for the love of fuck, ride me like nothing else matters.ˮ

I pull his lips back to mine, silencing him for a time as we continue to make our own rhythm, learning one another with moans and laughs and tension unparalleled. Itʼs great, too great-I smack my head against the jeepʼs roof, letting out a yelp.

“Oh, shit-ˮ Stiles pulls me down against him, biting his lip when I land.

“Iʼm okay. Ow.ˮ

“How about we move this to the back?ˮ He pops the door open, letting me out first. Despite his words, heʼs back on my neck the moment weʼre outside, making it hard for me to push the seat down to get into the back.

“Stiles…ˮ I sigh, fumbling with the latch.

“Sorry, just want you-god, just want you so bad.ˮ He pulls back, reaching forward and sending the seat down with a practiced grasp.

I clamber inside, watching him hyperfocus on giving us as much room as possible. Front seats pushed down and forward, clutter thrown into the front, then heʼs back on me, kissing me and tugging at my shorts.

“Can I…?ˮ He motions, and I nod, letting him pull them down. His lips come back to mine, his fingers playing at the edge of my panties.

“Please-ˮ

“Youʼre begging now?ˮ He chuckles, his voice lower and throatier. Gods, Iʼm wet as fuck just from that.

“Shamelessly.ˮ I echo his earlier words, earning another small laugh.

“You want me, baby? How bad?ˮ He teases, hand grasping at my hip.

“Real-Really bad. Want you so bad, want you to-ˮ I canʼt even finish the thought, as he presses against my clit with his thumb. I moan, bucking up against him.

“Sorry, Iʼm impatient, you know that.ˮ He amends, kissing down my jaw and pulling back. He sits me up against the door, pulling my legs up and pressing a deep kiss against my opening. “Youʼre soaking, I can tell even through these little things.ˮ

I shudder, eyeing him in between my legs. Itʼs a sight to behold, and he isnʼt even getting started yet.

“Howʼs about we take em off, huh? Donʼt need these where weʼre going.ˮ He discards the fabric, and when his eyes meet the heat pooling below my belly, his jaw goes slack. I could almost swear he was drooling.

For a moment, Iʼm self conscious, folding in on my body under his gaze. But he holds my thighs back down, shaking his head.

“Uh-uh. No shame, right, princess?ˮ He hovers over me, eyes flicking back and forth between his focus and my face. “Now, you just let me know what feels good and what doesnʼt, okay? Wanna make sure you enjoy yourself.ˮ

“Stiles, Iʼm dying here, please just touch me already.ˮ

He smirks, another shake of the head, this one with a cocky air to it.

“If you insist, sweetheart.ˮ He brings his lips down to meet my opening, licking a stripe up that sends my hands grasping at the jeepʼs seat.

“Sti-ˮ

He hums against me, his grip on my thighs tightening. A few more precise licks, and heʼs delving into my core, filling the jeep with my desperate cries. Fuck, heʼs good, and Iʼm already closer by the minute.

“Taste so good, baby…ˮ He murmurs, getting lost in the task as my hands tug at his hair. When he shifts up to suck at my clit, the noise it brings from me is almost inhuman. “Feel good?ˮ

“Yes- oh my god, yes-ˮ

“Want more? How does this feel, hmm?ˮ He presses a finger to my opening, and I push against him, wordlessly begging. He chuckles, pushing it in fluidly. One, a few motions, and clearly Iʼm still desperate so he adds in another. “Talk to me, baby. Use your words.ˮ

“You want me to talk right now?ˮ I moan, my mind spinning in the pleasure-filled void heʼs trapped me in.

“I know, itʼs just too good, huh? You donʼt have to talk, your noises are more than enough.ˮ He curls his fingers, pulling against a sweet spot that has me crying out.

“Stiles!ˮ

Back down to me with his lips now, too, I can feel the smirk that starts up hearing me say his name like that. He knows exactly where he has me, and heʼs gonna relish in it. Not only are his fingers working magic now, but along with his tongue? Iʼm gonna break, and he knows it.

“Iʼm-Oh, donʼt stop-ˮ

A hummed approval is all I get from the usually chatty lips of Stiles Stilinski, his beard that heʼs let grow in recently brushing over me while he brings me to the edge. Iʼm practically drowning in the pleasure, and heʼs the air I need. One more fluid motion, just the right one, and Iʼm spilling curses from my mouth and wetness from my heat. He laps it up heartily, a satisfied groan from the recess of his throat vibrating against me.

“You…I just…wow.ˮ He pauses for a moment to look over me with a smile beginning to tug at the corner of his lips. I flush, back to being nervous under his eye.

“Stunned you into silence, eh, Stilinski?ˮ

“Oh, Iʼm far from done. Just figured Iʼd give you a break.ˮ He quips with a smirk.

“I donʼt need one.ˮ I blurt, the words faster than my brain.

“No?ˮ He laughs. “Okay, then. Well, if thatʼs the case, Iʼm begging you to get back to being all over me.ˮ

“In what way?ˮ I smirk, looking at his coated fingers.

He snorts, rolling his eyes.

“Funny.ˮ Keeping up eye contact, he licks his fingers clean. He seems to enjoy the groan it elicits from me. “Like that, huh? Iʼm looking forward to finding out what else you like.ˮ

I sit up, pressing to him once again. He tastes like me, and chuckles against my kiss. The clink of undoing his belt buckle becomes the sounds of rustling fabrics, my shirt tossed, his gone. His chest to mine, warm and inviting, and his pants kicked to the side. I fumble with my bra, my cheeks red.

“I…ˮ

“Yʼknow we can stop anytime, yeah?ˮ He amends, sensing my hesitation. “Like, of course Iʼm okay with whatever, I want you in all the ways. But only if youʼre comfortable. Consentʼs important.ˮ

“Oh, I want you. I want all of you, of course I do.ˮ I sigh. “Just…real nervous about how I look.ˮ

“You?ˮ Heʼs incredulous, pulling back and sweeping my body with his gaze. “Holy shit, no way. Nuh uh. You, youʼre…God, youʼre gorgeous, are you kidding me? Every part of you fits just right with the other, promise. You donʼt have to do anything you donʼt wanna do, but you gotta know that. You gotta know Iʼm gonna love how you look. I donʼt even need to have seen it yet to know. You just…are.ˮ

Iʼve been rendered speechless, and all I can do is take it off while he rambles.

“Not to say that you gotta just cause Iʼm saying all this. You get that, right? Iʼm not saying it just to get you to-ˮ He stops cold when Iʼve tossed the bra, my hands still hiding the majority of my chest. With a gentle grasp, he reaches to uncover me. “Can I…?ˮ

“Yeah, Iʼm just nervous.ˮ

“Thatʼs okay. Me, too. Youʼre beautiful though.ˮ He lifts my cover away softly, eyeing me with precision and adoration. He pokes at the moles and freckles that adorn my upper body, smiling as his eyes meet mine again. “See? Perfect. Nothing to worry about.ˮ

“Stiles, I adore you.ˮ I blurt, tears starting to form.

“Oh, sweetie.ˮ He pulls me closer, kissing my nose. “We can stop if youʼre really too nervous. I donʼt mind. Iʼll just jack off later or something, no big.ˮ

I snort at his words. “As much as Iʼd love to watch that. No, Iʼm okay. Just needed a moment, I guess. Trust me, Iʼm still dying for you.ˮ

His face goes red. “Youʼd- huh? Wow, thatʼs an image. Maybe another time, yeah? No shortage of things to think about for that, especially now Iʼve seen you and itʼs not just my imagination spurring me on.ˮ

“Youʼll have more to go on soon, too.ˮ I pull him back down onto me, kissing him.

“Fuck, youʼre hot.ˮ He moans. “Youʼre killing me.ˮ

“Destroying you,ˮ I correct him. “Thatʼs what you wanted, isnʼt it?ˮ

“Still want it,ˮ He grasps at me, nothing but his boxers to hide that want now. “Very much still want it.ˮ

More kissing ensues, and weʼre groping at eachother like weʼre high-schoolers again. Somehow, at some point, heʼs as bare as I am now and the way weʼre pressed to one another is the most tempting thing Iʼve ever experienced in my entire life.

“Hey, so, uh- not to seem like a copycat or anything, but…ˮ He breathes against my lips, his voice catching. “Yʼknow, nervous about how I look, now that Iʼm thinking about it. Not really very manly of me, I know, whatever.ˮ

“Fuck manliness,ˮ I amend, letting him pull back. “Youʼre perfect, you…oh, how could you not be?ˮ

What a sight he is to behold, in all his naked glory. Goosebumps pepper my skin as I look him over, from the moles that adorn him across his body the same way they do across his face, to the burning red that sits underneath his pale skin…to of course what heʼs referencing concern over the most. And thereʼs certainly none needed, in my opinion. No concerns, except how Iʼm gonna need to stretch out around that. Oh, my.

“Stiles…ˮ My voice, my gaze, softens. His shoulders drop. “Youʼre stunning.ˮ

“Not just saying that, are you?ˮ He brushes non-existent dirt from his shoulder. “My ego will be sorely bruised.ˮ

“Should I tell you or should I show you?ˮ I lick my lips, gaze going between his legs and back to his face. The noise he makes would be comical in any other circumstance.

“Fuck, definitely show me.ˮ

Now, itʼs his turn to lie back, and Iʼm in control. I must have absolutely stunned him, because heʼs got nothing to say, just watching me as I lower over him. Once I begin to kiss at and lick stripes over him, though, heʼs got plenty to say - I donʼt recognize half the curses he lets fly, they must be Polish or something. But fly they do, and his hand is at my hair when I start to take him in my mouth, grasp tight.

“Oh, my god-ˮ

I keep it up until he stops me a few moments later, a funny little quirk to his brows.

“God, I donʼt ever wanna stop this, but if you keep going like that Iʼm gonna fuckinʼ bust, and I gotta know what you feel like riding me first, please?ˮ He reaches blindly around, cursing. “Fuckinʼ - just need my wallet, whereʼd my jeans go?ˮ

I laugh, pulling back to help his search. When he comes up with the item in question, I understand- protection, no shit.

“Yeah, okay, now Iʼm ready.ˮ He nods after heʼs prepared himself, sitting up against the seat. He helps position me over him, eyes locked. “Oh, my god, is this actually real? I feel like Iʼm in some kinda magical dream.ˮ

“Very real. I remember what I had for breakfast and everything.ˮ I quip, trying to ease the nerves. They wonʼt go, though, and the knot in my stomach is ever-tighter as he brushes against my opening. “Fuck, I want you inside me, now.ˮ

“Kinda up to you, there.ˮ He holds me tight around the waist, eyes pleading. “Iʼm ready when you are, though, rock my fuckinʼ world sweetheart.ˮ

“Fuuuuuck, youʼre tight.ˮ He groans. “So thatʼs how you feel. No imagination or anything my hands can do compares to that.ˮ

The need is too great to put it off any longer; I let myself push down to meet him, the entering gasps we let out mingling in the short bit of air between us. His head falls back, his hands only guides as I bring myself further down, slowly, slowly, slowly. I take a moment around the first few inches to breathe; as ridiculous as it sounds, Iʼve never had someone quite as…gifted as him.

“Iʼm only getting started,ˮ I reply. “Genuinely, in all honesty, not a joke or anything. Youʼre…a lot to take.ˮ

“Having fun strokinʼ my ego?ˮ He chuckles.

“Tilʼ you give me something else to stroke.ˮ

“Fuck, thatʼs a promise.ˮ He ruts up against me, bringing a cry from my lips. “Shit, sorry, reflex. You feel so good, I just want more of you. Did I hurt you?ˮ

“No, it felt too good.ˮ I admit. “Just taking it slow cause Iʼm not really used to anything this…ˮ

“Big?ˮ Heʼs got the widest smirk on his face now.

“Howʼs that for your precious ego?ˮ I flirt, pushing down another bit with a sharp breath. The stretching pain is worth it for the look on his face.

“My ego is just fine. Big, just like my- Oh, my god-ˮ He stutters out, his bravado going out the window when I start to rock my hips back and forth. And was that a whimper? “Oh, please donʼt stop, keep going. Oh, god-ˮ

“Long as you keep begging.ˮ

The more I move, the easier it gets to take him, until Iʼm fairly close to bottoming out. Heʼs holding me closer than ever, kissing me whenever he gets the chance to, and the noises and whimpers havenʼt stopped. It spurs me, the collision of our bodies growing ever-faster as he cries my name and begs me not to stop. I wonʼt, I canʼt, itʼs all too good and Iʼm chasing a high that I find myself soon riding out onto him. Now, Iʼll be the one saying his name, his real name.

“God, that sounds so good coming from you,ˮ He moans, “Iʼve never heard it sound so good.ˮ

“Hereʼs to many more.ˮ I stutter out between the motions weʼre making and the sounds accompanying. Heʼs less in control now, thrusting up to meet me and pushing me down to him. Heʼs made plenty of marks on me, from the hickeys littering my skin to the surefire bruising my hips will have from his grasp. I can only hope to either hide whatʼs visible or risk the teasing the pack will no doubt give us later.

“Please, take me all the way, Iʼll help you through it.ˮ He begs, kissing me again once Iʼve come down far enough. “Youʼve got this, baby, please?ˮ

No words, just a resolute nod, and his response is a repeated thanks. I push further, to the very end of him, my nails digging into his shoulders.

“Good, baby- fuck , youʼre doing good, pretty girl. So good, so good for me. There you go.ˮ He kisses my burning skin, the devouring fire weʼve made together consuming us both as I shift around under his grasp. He doesnʼt force, only guides, and makes a rhythm for me to follow with sputtered curses abounding. “God, you feel so good. Does it feel good for you? Hurt?ˮ

“Only enough to make me want it more,ˮ I moan, letting my head drop to his shoulder. “F-fuck me.ˮ

“Is that a statement or a request?ˮ He doesnʼt wait for an answer as I slow, taking the lead and snapping up into me. Once, twice, I lose count. He seems to get lost, too, senseless mumbles and moans filling the jeep as my hand streaks the fogged window. Heʼs entirely filled me up, and I want for nothing more than to go until I canʼt anymore.

He guards my head when I raise back up, making sure I wonʼt hit the roof again, and when it starts to rain in the secluded forest weʼve hidden ourselves in, itʼs not the only thing sending waves crashing down around us. Another thing I lose count of - heʼs far too good at this, and I tell him so.

“Been thinkinʼ about this for a while, so that counts as practice, yeah?ˮ The sweat sticks a bit of his hair to his forehead, and he looks about ready to tire out.

“You losing steam on me?ˮ I tease, brushing his hair back.

“Hell, no!ˮ He groans when I move my hips, sat bottomed out but doing nothing else. “Iʼm pretty close, thatʼs all. But when Iʼm done with you here Iʼm not done with you for the night, if youʼre willing.ˮ

“Well, if youʼre close…ˮ My lips curl deviously, and I bring myself back to the pace and movement that had had him howling earlier. Heʼs back to it in an instant, but his whines are more pronounced, drug out.

“Fuck, please, please donʼt stop-ˮ

“Gonna cum for me?ˮ

“Y-yes, yes-ˮ

“Good.ˮ Itʼs like a growl from me, and his cries only grow from it, until Iʼm sure at least anyone with supernatural hearing can catch onto us if theyʼre anywhere near.

“Oh- Oh, my god, Iʼm gonna-ˮ Stiles holds me tight, the most animalistic noise of it all loosing from his lips as he loads the condom full inside me. Weʼre hot, sweaty, and as close together as we possibly can be, but he still pulls me closer, taking a deep, heavy breath.

“So…how was I?ˮ

His laugh is quick, choked.

“Are you serious? Fuck, that was amazing. Iʼd just as soon do it again, but Iʼm…a little depleted at the moment.ˮ He eyes where we meet with an eyebrow wiggle. “Hey, we just had sex.ˮ

“That we did.ˮ I laugh.

“You and me, best friends. Just had sex. Well, we might wanna rethink that whole just best friends idea, huh?ˮ He kisses my cheek, letting out a content sigh. “No rush on that, Iʼm just talking. You know how I get. Just…excited that this happened. That it is happening. And…Iʼd be okay with calling you something more than my best friend. If youʼre into that.ˮ

“Very much into that.ˮ

“So…girlfriend?ˮ

“Shit, I was gonna say fiancee or wife. Or soulmate.ˮ

His eyes bug for a moment, then he starts to laugh.

“Youʼre fuckinʼ with me. Youʼre hilarious. Alright, girlfriend-future-fiancee-wife-soulmate-whatever-you-want, howʼs that sound?ˮ

“A little long, if Iʼm being honest.ˮ

“Long didnʼt seem to bother you just a moment ago.ˮ

“Mieczyslaw!ˮ

“Still sounds beautiful cominʼ from you. Like…ˮ He catches my glare, and smirks. “Nevermind. Letʼs get this cleaned up and head back, huh? Thereʼs a pizza about to be made with our names on it.ˮ

[pupyuj]

I have a vision bestie. Imagine jock Yujin just fucking and dominating the shit out of her ex-girlfriend after someone hit on her on a party. The possessiveness over what's hers just kicked in her depsite the break up. Yujin is too fine to exist🤭

- 🦔

OH.. 🫢🫢🫢🫢🫢very sorry to anon, this ask is long overdue 💔💔 but another yujin drabble? you guys are so spoiled today! (now don't ask why this wasn't the energy that was present when i hit 1k followers 😭)

ever since you and yujin separated, everybody has been tripping over themselves trying to ask you out or get in your pants 😤😤 they're giving you flowers, courting you, giving you letters and even presents... it was all very sweet but after yujin, you weren't really interested in dating just yet :((( but nobody really listens to that so they keep asking you out,, and it happens in the party too ofc! literally everybody tried to get a piece of your time 😭 you were so popular that you barely got a step in before somebody started talking to you! 😩 but it wasn't until some drunken geek started hitting on you that things escalated 🫣

you were too polite to excuse yourself from the conversation so you just sat there, smiling and nodding to whatever that guy was saying,,, your eyes scanning the room for a familiar face just so you could get out but unfortunately there was nobody around... except ahn yujin in that stupid varsity jacket she probably cherished more than your fucking relationship 🙄 she was staring at you as she leaned against the wall, one hand holding a red cup and the other brushing through her hair.. christ, did she have to look so hot all the time? 🫠🫠

watching her while she ogled and smirked at every pretty girl that passed by, what a player honestly 😟 her meeting your eyes and winking at you, making you grimace and look away 😭 then you got bored of the party bcs your friends were all over the place and that weird guy was still talking to you, so you tried to stand up to finally leave but mr. weirdo put his hand on your thigh??? and leaned too close?? his drunken breath fanning your face 🤢 he didn't get another word in before he got thrown back in the couch rather violently by none other than your delightful ex-girlfriend,,

"you got a whole lotta nerve trying to touch my girl like that." and she spills her cup on top of the guy's head, soaking his hair with beer 😭😭😭 you may have questioned her love for you while you were dating, but the one thing you were sure of was her obsession towards you... she always made sure that people knew you belonged to one person only, and tonight wasn't going to be any different. even if the two of you have been separated for months now 😤

yujinnie dragging you inside an empty bedroom despite your half-hearted protests,, watching intently as she pulled off her jacket and let it drop to the ground while you sat on the edge of the bed,, as much as you hated being around her now, you couldn't wait to see just what entails you after all that 🤭🤭 "who are you calling your girl, yujin-ah? not me, i hope." you said while cheekily smiling up at your ex who was now standing in front of you all pissed 🫣 see, you could be a brat and put up a fight as much as you want, but there's no point to it when you willingly let yujin bend you over the bed with her fingers inside your cunt 😵‍💫

all your spunk just getting thrown out the window every time yujin's thumb brushes against your clit,, "louder, (y/n)." she would demand, each thrust hitting deeper and deeper inside you, making you wonder just why the fuck would you ever leave yujin if she took you to the stars like this 🤤 "this pussy will always belong to me. remember that." oh that's why!

"a-ahh..! fuck you, y-yujin... i hate you—" immediately shutting up when yujin increases her pace,, now you were face down on the bed, muffling your moans as best as you could but you could still be heard outside the room bcs yujin was so desperate to let everybody know that you still belonged to her :((( so she didn't care about the way you tried grabbing for one of her hands to try and stop her, or how you've started crying bcs it was all too much :(((

"think somebody else can fuck you as good as i can? huh? answer honestly, (y/n)." she would try and rile you up, grinning widely when you glared at her amidst your tears,, she's sick 😳 "answer, you bitch." she curls her fingers inside of you, making you squirm and buck your hips backwards just to have some more of what yujin was giving you 🫠🫠 "didn't hear me?" yujin spreads your legs open, pulls her fingers out, and slaps your pussy, earning a pained whine from you :(( odmoddfhjhg her continuing on slapping your cunt even when you told her what she wanted to hear??? she definitely doesn't stop until you were a rambling mess,,

her making you come from her slaps?? doesn't make fun of you for it bcs she fucking loved the sight,, moaning her name as you came undone, your legs shaking horribly and your vision almost blurring,, "that's my good girl. let everybody know who owns this pussy." msjhsdjdkj yujin making you turn around so she could lay you on your back, spreading your legs wide open once again and staring at your red pussy :((( "was that too much? i really missed you..." ugh she was so the type to take advantage of your state, trying to make you feel like she truly loved you,, maybe at one point she did, you'll never know bcs you wanted nothing to do with her after you broke up with her...

and yet—and yet!—you still let yujin kiss your lips, you still listen to the faux sympathy she offered you while she gently massaged your clit, and you still allowed her to go down on you,, letting her have a taste of you after the longest time,, the sounds of her slurps and own moans nearly being louder than yours,, and all the hatred you apparently hold towards her would never stop you from letting her mark you up and repeating whatever words she told you,,

"i belong to you."

"i'm yours."

"i love you."

and no matter how much you told yourself otherwise, deep in your heart, you knew all those words were true 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

[astralis-ortus]

love, am i home?

✱ bestfriend!bc × gn!reader

— how can you tell it's not simply an infatuation?

w.count → 0.6k genre → angst, one-sided love warnings → minor cussing, mention of alcohol but no described consumption a.n → honestly i don't even know what i wrote i am feeling feelings soooo yeah! also, there's a few mentions of bambam as the home owner lol ⋆ see masterlist

“do you reckon i’ll fall in love someday?’

chan’s odd, unprovoked question nearly made you choke on the strawberry-lychee juice you were trying so hard to savor. worse, your heart also took a hit from it—which, frankly, you should have been preparing yourself for from the day you realized that your hiking heart bpm whenever chan was sitting a little too close was not exactly a normal reaction between friends.

“yeah,” you barely managed to quip a reply, setting your half-empty paper cup on the coffee table across the tan leather couch before chan could send another unwarranted hit on your poor heart. “i mean, didn’t you have a few relationships before?”

well fuck—now he’s going to elaborate, isn’t he. good job, dumbass.

sometimes you wonder why you’re trying so hard to be a good friend when you do realize it will only further tighten the chains wrapped around your chest. does bambam have some alcohol in the fridge? also, where the fuck is he?

“fair point,” a long sigh escaped his lungs as chan fully leaned onto bambam’s ridiculously large sofa, eyes tracing whatever interesting shape he could find on the ceiling of their still-missing friend’s apartment, “but i wonder if those feelings were actually… love, you know? not merely infatuation?”

“i don’t, actually,” you playfully snickered, hoping the faint smile on your lips would help in numbing the dull ache spreading on your chest. “i mean, as far as my experience goes, i think it has always been love for me.”

“and how does that feel?”

“how?” the faint urgency in his voice pulled your line of gaze towards chan—unexpectedly meeting his pair of curious brown eyes, and you sighed. are you really going to say it?

you were preparing a joke, really. deflecting, avoiding his question, all that thing.

you really were.

and you know, with every part of your bones, you’re probably going to regret this.

“uh, well, it feels like…”

the butterflies when i see your name lit up my phone screen.

the odd twist in the pit of my stomach when i hear you talk about that new friend you made and how you thought they were beautiful.

the way my lips followed yours into a smile when you excitedly told me about a new song idea and how spring flooded my chest when you said it’s our little secret.

the sudden void when you told me you asked that new friend of yours to go out for dinner, and how my heart went numb when you brightly exclaimed that it would technically count as a first date.

an excruciatingly long roller coaster of emotions,

an endless hike under the scorching summer sun,

a long night staring at where the waves breaks,

and yet…

“it was home.”

“…home?”

“yeah,” you shrugged, fingers hiding inside the sleeves of your hoodie while you pull your knees closer to your chest, “home.”

“it’s everything that is good, everything that’s not quite there, and yet you can’t help but find yourself longing for every piece of it. you accept that it’s not going to be perfect and never will be, and yet you’re still willing to continuously nurture that feeling because, well, you love them, and even if it eventually didn’t work out… you’d still think it’s worth the effort to try.”

you don’t know what the silence between you now meant.

you don’t know, and probably would never want to find out.

you’d hate to know who he thinks about when he opens his mouth,

and you’d forever thank bambam for his impeccable timing with bags full of thai foods in his hand.

©️ astralisortus, 2024. | likes and reblogs are highly appreciated♡

[luna-loveboop]

I started playing Wind Waker! Y'all want some thoughts?

-Why is the first thing I learned how to do with Link crawling on the ground like a sneaky sneak?

-Why is the SECOND thing I figured out how to do Link sidling along a wall like a sneaky sneak?

This kid is a sneaky sneak sneak!!!!

-Why is Link instantly jumping on people's tables? Get down please sir

-Wind and his family are so sweet I love them so much- and Aryll got kidnapped noooo TT

-Tetra has shot Link from a catapult

**I'm just gonna keep editing this post and adding random thoughts as I go does that sound cool? I wanna do that @hero-of-the-wolf

-Tetra's winking at Link has my heart forever she's so cute I swear

-love the glowy blue talking rock btw yesss stalker pirate girl

-Link why do you yell so loud every time you jump this is a sneak mission I thought you'd be good at this

-the game grumps on YouTube saved my life tho bc im a coward and get way too nervous in places like the forsaken fortress and watching someone else swear through the area before I do it helps ok

-Wind is such a gremlin but he's actually so polite? Like he instantly bowed to the sword trainer and then to the guy on windfall island after paying for breaking his pots- before running out of the house at breakneck speed. He's such a sweet and polite boy you can tell he's grandmas kid- yet he's such a menace what a wild yet polite lad ridndkkfkdg

-the people of windfall island are way too judgy stop being condescending to Link he's my baby. 'The Tipsters' girls have my heart tho because they.. they... well they give you tips. Tip you off you could say

-I think the King of Red Lions just legally adopted Link

Ok so small rant section but this game is so tragic. Like the art style is so goofy and fun but it hits you so hard that these are KIDS. Link is freaking twelve and his sister was kidnapped on his birthday, leaving him to follow in hot clothes because of higher defence I'm guessing (new hero clothes are more suitable for an adventure than casual loose ones but still!). But he's literally like half the height of DOORKNOBS- he has to stand on his tiptoes anytime to open doors. He is so very small.

My mom was like 'I love this animation style - does it help with your nerves that it's lighter?' And I was like 'honestly it makes me feel more deeply the tragedy of what should be a happy childhood being torn apart' but she's used to me saying weird shit like that so it's fine

-I think we as a fandom are severely underestimating how much of a gremlin Wind waker link can be and that's saying a LOT

-I got the Wind Waker!

-WHY IS IT SO HARD TO CONTROL DONT YOU LECTURE ME ON RHYTHM IM LITERALLY A MUSICIAN WHAT THE HECK

-K learned the Wind Waker

-Ok I like got to dragon roost island on the first day and FINALLY got an empty bottle my beautiful baby where were you??

-I cleaned- like actually fully dusted and cleaned- my wii u for the first time after it was inactive for years and holy mother of improved game pad controls

-is it wierd that I'm more excited about the empty bottle than the wind waker?

. . . .

-ya know in hindsight gabon looked pretty shady. I mean he was standing in the shade but what kind of asshole stands there and tells a giant bird to throw a child in the ocean

-I think ganodonk is dumb I can't wait to get the sword and bitch slap him

-'we cANt set SaiL aGain Until you geT a GLowY thiNgy' well mr boat man sir have you considered that I realised there was most definitely a heart piece or two I forgot on windfall island and I'm doing another dungeon with three hearts? At least I got a bottle ig

-why am I trading with rats for potions this doesn't seem hygienic. I know rats are in fact very clean animals but this dungeons isn't and why do the rats want rupees anyways?

-WAIT WHY CAN LINK TALK TO RATS

-so there's this like steamy glowy pot that teleports me to the start/end of the dungeon? I'm questioning all existence in this world why is that a thing. Honestly think Twilight princess's bald teleportation chicken made more sense but whatever

. . . .

-I saved the dragon! By riding on his tail? What a boss fight that was fun. Got a shiny thingy Yayy

-So the wind waker! I learned to change the direction of the wind which is so cool and also to change whether it's night or day. Which is wayyy too much power for this kid how come no one told me he could change night and day?

-That said I love how musical Link is. Like when he looks so happy waving the baton playing to the wind it's just really cool

- Why is the God of Wind a like. Toad surfer dude. Whatever, I like him.

-So apperently there's these little dudes called fish-men who are talking fish who fill out your sea chart- I am still questioning why link can talk to animals but that's fine

-I missed out on pawprint isle before apparently, so I'm gonna do that before whatever the red lion king tells me next

-Also I love Beedle in this game so far he hasn't threatened me like the other beedles in games I've played

. . . .

-I GOT MY SECOND EMPTY BOTTLE

-Sailing through the ocean is really fun

-I went back to windfall and got a 'swift sail' that lets me go faster but I still like the blue one better

-I reached the great deku tree! He had monsters for pimples and I couldn't figure out how to get them off 'what are you doing?!?! go help him!!' IM TRYING ADOPTIVE BOAT FATHER. Turns out I needed to roll into him and not use the grappling hook which makes sense but still

-He. Grew me a leaf. A magic blowy leaf. Which is great it's an awesome gift and means a lot but the Deku tree grunted and grew a leaf for me and that's kinda wierd right?

-Reaching said leaf was a PAIN and I am very impressed with Wind Waker Link.

Hang on rant session. Bro's tiny little grandmas boy but flipping through the air to reach an unspeakably high up leaf is chill. He flipped through leafy child cannons a billion times to reach the Deku leaf and didn't get dizzy or give up even after falling. And that's saying nothing of how he picked up a sword for the first time and swings his way through EVERYTHING thrown at him. Gosh he's so cool I love this Link

-I HAVE MAGIC NOW!!!!! With like a little meter and stuff tidkkfdjfnkdjfkd I'm very excited that I have magic

-Reaching this high shelf with my path forward was a pain but I have to save and quit rn so if it puts me back at the start of this room I will be. Upset.

-It put me back at the start of the room.

-I ordered a game guide! I'm gonna try and play through with it- this'll be my first time using one. But I haven't updated for a few days bc I'm waiting on it :)

This whole post is a bunch of random thoughts jumping around which my adhd self appreciates- that said I really love that we can grab an enemies weapon and use it against them. Increases my respect for ww Link even more- when he had no weapon in the forsaken fortress he grabs a literal wooden stick from an enemy and kills it with. A big twig. Kid's brutal and does what it takes which is so crazy. Also using an enemies sword is great hehe shiny

. . . .

-Got game guide. Yayyyy

-The forbidden woods are scary but they remind me a lot of the forest temple in twilight princess. A lot. The mechanics are also very similar. I love Zelda games

-Maybe it's because the only time I've had free to play rn has been at night, but I find myself constantly thinking this game is creepy. It's so unsettling for a cartoon style- the boko babas freaking eat link! And chew on him like no!! Fisnfjskfkfk *shudder* aaaanyways I am NOT looking forward to redeads in this game but that's a later problem right?

-I figured out how to get the treasure chests from the sea!! And got a piece of heart :DDD

-Ok game guides are really helpful

-Apparently the 'warp pots' are a consistent thing- I guess that's just how Link teleports in dungeons in this game. The second pot is generally hidden a bit but then you can teleport to the beginning of the dungeon and back- then the third pot is near the end... I think. This is only my second dungeon in this game with the pots but it's going great! I'm learning a lot hehe

-I love the grappling hook so much. I can farm spoils/materials from monsters with it before I kill them and I love that. Also it makes me feel cool swinging it.

-WDYM I CAN GET FREE BLUE POTIONS FROM A KOROK USING EASILY ATTAINABLE (with the grappling hook) MATERIALS FROM BOKO BABAS THIS IS JOY THIS IS LOVE IT GIVES ME HEALTH A N D MAGIC FJDKFJFK

-Also the title screen theme and animation play around outset is very satisfying. Watched it replay three times tonight before starting the game. Time well spent.

-I appreciate the items so much. The Deku Leaf is great like I can F L Y with magic and also blow wind at enemies and make them look silly <3

-The look of Link's spoils bag has grown on me and I love it. Purple.

. . . .

-I got the boomerang!!! Oh my gosh it's so cool I love it.

-I've been trying out the switch mechanic for targeting rather than hold. It's going interestingly bc I've only ever held for targeting before. But I think I like it

-The evil flower ate Makar- the Korok I'm TRYING to save GIVE HIM BACK

-That was the prettiest boss fight ever. I couldn't even be intimidated, I don't think I've ever been more relaxed during a boss fight lol. They should make all of them purple and blue sparkly- it was legitimately beautiful.

-I finished the forbidden forest dungeon!! :DD yayyy

-Link's hopping up and down in celebration after the boss fight was so cute he's so happy!!

-Have I mentioned I'm excited about the boomerang

-Makar is so cute?!?! I love him with his little violin and- the Koroks oh my heart that was the cutest ceremony ever

. . . .

-Ok so I went around the great sea, for now avoiding the big octos I am uhh terrified interested to meet, went to a place that got 'corrupted by gannorks power' so now I'm following the pirates back to windfall island

-The pirates are stealing bombs and I think this is illegal.

-My girl Tetra's here!! :D also doing illegal stuff! And Link is just watching them rob the bomb shop lol these cutscenes are the best sometimes also I love the pirate banter

-Tetras little smile and wink when she saw Link was so cute I love her. Also the little hints that she was concerned about his island and not just treasure?? Sweet

-I stole the bombs that the pirates stole from the pirates. And getting there was a PAIN with swinging on the ropes the tiny pirate (Niko) made Link do

-TETRA is a STALKER she was watching Link through the glowy rock thingy- probably cause he was just sneaking around watching her rob a shop but still that thing scares me sometimes when her voice just comes screaming out of it

-Btw why do the pirates want the god pearl thingy anyways? Just cause it's really shiny orrr

-ok we're headed to outset! I'm so excited to get back to Link's home hehe. Also I think Tetra just dared Link to a race bc she was like 'we'll get there first we still have bombs' so yeah anyways she's spending the night here tho so I'm sure it'll be fine.

-I don't like the great sea as much when it's raining and thunderstorming all over :/ I hope it doesn't stay like this? Because that would suck

-I got sucked into a cyclone and was panicking cause it threw me across the great sea BUT then it threw me onto outset!! :D so that was uhh. Handy I guess.

-Ohhh ok so like. time is frozen from ganad's current curse, which means it's gonna stay night for right now, so tetra won't be coming in time to get the treasure from the god dude first. Nice.

-The Lion King just kindly told Link to visit his family and chill for a second and check on his island?? Sobbing yes thank you sir

-Grandma's sick oh no this is the saddest thing I've ever seen ima cry. I healed her with a fairy but she was so sad link and aryll were gone im- and then grandma blamed herself for not being there for them like no it's literally cold and rainy all the time it's frozen right now you have every right to get sick- and then she made Link soup and she'll remake it for him which is great and I LOVE LINKS GRANDMA SO MUCH it was so sad she was sick I'm glad I could heal her :))

-Link smiled and nodded so enthusiastically when Grandma told him to stay out of trouble/stay safe like Link you are a liar I just watched you steal from pirates

-I sparred with Orca and I like him. It's cool how he trains Link on his home Island with like formal training because Link definitely needs it with what he's facing

-Controlled a seagull for the first time. That was fun they can fly for such a long time like. Forever?? Idk I eventually stopped

. . . .

-Ok so I talked wait no. The king of red lions talked with this guy who's a god named Jabun (I think that's how it's spelled I'll check) and he gave us a THIRD glowy thingy. I'll give more thoughts on that conversation later I gotta look up the translation. The sea is back to being sunny :))

-I spent a bit just sailing around. I need to place the shiny pearl thingies from the gods in special places marked on the map to 'reveal the place where my courage will be tested' or whatever

-I have found several great fairies and gotten my rupees and wallets upgraded twice. I like the fairies in this game.

-I FOUGHT A BIG OCTO I'M SO PROUD

-it was scary.

-But my magic meter has been doubled!!! :D *slaps wind waker link* this bad boy can fit so much magic and blessings inside of him

-I've placed two of the fancy shiny orbs. Its wierd... I put them in old looking statues and they glow. That's fine I guess.

-the fishmen are my best friends. Kind of. Every square on the map I go to one is there and they'll give me lil hints and tips while they fill out my map. Nice guys.

-beedle sent me a beedle chart! :D which. Is a map of where his shop appears so handy!

-there's these maps called 'treasure charts' everywhere that mark places in the sea with rings of glowing light that I can bring up treasure from. Generally a purple rupee but a lot of times other things :)

-there's this one square with beedles shop ship that has an empty bottle and heart piece and treasure chart for sale 00 I got the empty bottle immediately ofc (now I have three!!) and saved up the money and got the rest :) it was all like. Five to nine hundred rupees each yeesh

-Link sure does rely on maps and charts a lot in this game

. . . .

-THE GODS JUST FURKIN YEETED LINK ACROSS THE BIG BLUE OCEAN WHAT THE SHELL WAS THAT

?!?!?!?!

Ok (storytime) so I was placing the last pearl of the gods that I've been collecting in the ancient statue and a cutscene starts right?

So Link places Farore's pearl and the ancient statue starts glowing. and Link kinda startles and runs away, but then he comes back and the statue EXPLODES with light and Link goes FLYING like Farore just bitch slapped Link with power across the ocean WHY?!?!

And so you have this big dramatic cutscene where the ancient statues become really pretty and form a map of the triforce on the ocean and a big freaking TOWER comes rising out of the water and it's really cool- and then at the end Link SPLATS INTO THE FREAKING TOWER AFTER BEING SENT FLYING INTO IT LIKE GIVE THE KID A BREAK ALREADY

Of all the things I was expecting in wind waker, a cutscene of Link being sent hurtling across the world to slam face first into the literal 'tower of the gods' was not it. like forget a concussion how is Link ALIVE?!?!

-k so anyways. I'm good. Wasn't expecting that. This 'tower of the gods' is the place the King of red lions keeps telling Link he'll be tested/have to prove himself to the gods as a hero or something

-Oooo this dungeon seems cool so far! Riding in, it's just risen out of the ocean, so I'm entering the dungeon on my boat dad

-so it's like we can do it together! Not really, but King Red is how I get around the first bit at least. It's crazy how Link doesn't have a companion for in dungeons. Boat dude has just been dropping Link off at dungeons like a kid at school.

-So the tides come in and out of this dungeon. The floor will be filled with water when it's up and I'm only able to walk when tide is low and the waters gone. This is dangerous because Link, although he can survive being yeeted across the sea, can in fact drown.

-also I've just realised I haven't died so far in this game yet!! Go me :D