#i say as ive barely beaten the start of it

[cottonbopp]

Jashtober Day 26 - Myth "An ancient tribe once laid it down / They feared its power, they feared its sound."

[triglycercule]

another doodle :3 mtt clothing swap!

DUST STOP SERVING WITH HORROR AND TAKE YOUR DEAD ASS BROTHERS SCARF OFF KILLER HES ABOUT TO HAVE A MOVIE REALISTIC PANIC ATTACK

[rillils]

rils, absolutely nothing hurts more than bucky saying "its fine, im used to it, ive had worse.." whenever he gets beaten up a lot

It’s the simple, matter-of-fact way he says it, that makes it all the more heartbreaking.

If he were crying, if he were slamming his balled-up fists into the wall, screaming, rioting at the unfairness of it all, Steve thinks it might be just that bit easier. Then, at least he could wipe Bucky’s tears away, dull the sharp knife-edge of Bucky’s grief with his own hands, hold him in his arms until all the parts of him came back together.

But Bucky keeps his grief under the surface, silent; private, except for those glimpses his body lets slip sometimes, in the traitorous set of his tense shoulders, or the blanching of his knuckles digging tight into his thighs, or the painful clenching of his jaw.

He brushes off the bruises, the cuts, the dark blood crusting his suit, shrugging his shoulder as Steve coaxes him into the chair he pulled up for him from the kitchen table.

“I’m fine,” he says, his jaw blossoming purple and blue in Steve’s cupped hand. Says ‘I’m fine’ and means it, just the same as Steve meant it when he used to say ‘I can take it’ after each beating in a piss-rank alley, back in the day. He recognizes it; the intimate need to believe it, to make it true, speak it true, even on the days when it started to taste like a lie.

“I’m used to it,” Bucky assures him, speaking softly in the homely kitchen glow, hand squeezing Steve’s knee with gentle purpose – as though that wasn’t the worst part. As thought it wasn’t the cruelest piece of truth.

He’s used to it.

He’s grown used to it.

There are so many things humans can grow into. Grow better. Grow kinder. Grow older. But Bucky’s grown into the pain, was raised into it, shaped into it, until pain became a natural presence lingering under his skin, twining its ancient roots around his ribs.

“You shouldn’t be used to it,” Steve murmurs, dabbing iodine over the tender-looking cut cresting Bucky’s cheekbone.

He shouldn’t have to be used to it.

Habit can turn even the most terrible things into day-to-day routine, given enough time.

Habit will see the hurt and whisper, It’s okay, it’s just another Tuesday. It doesn’t matter. But it does. It matters so much, so much it’s all Steve can see right now. That’s what he tries to tell Bucky, with the swipe of his thumb over Bucky’s good cheekbone, seeking the places where touch won’t hurt, where the caress will stir only warmth, no lurking aches: It matters. That’s the salve he spreads on Bucky’s bruised cheek, before slipping the band-aid into place, smoothing it over with the pad of his thumb, tender like a naked heart: It matters.

So what if the black and blue will have faded tomorrow, leaving behind nothing but the olive skin Steve has worshipped longer and more fervently than any gods or holy ghosts? So what if the wounds will heal fast, and the flesh knit itself back together till there’s not a pale scar left behind? That doesn’t mean Bucky’s not hurting now. That doesn’t mean the heart won’t remember, even when all the evidence is gone.

Bucky must read his thoughts on his face, easy as leafing through a book.

“It’s nothing, I swear,” he insists, rubbing soothing circles on the meat of Steve’s kevlar-clad thigh, a small, lopsided grin slanted on his lips. “I’ve had much worse than this.”

He seems to regret the words as soon as they’re out of his mouth. Steve sees it, how the grin seals back up and Bucky’s eyes widen for a moment, as if he startled himself. The way his Adam’s apple bobs and his lips part and close and part again, hesitating. “Sweetheart.”

“I know,” Steve says. “It’s okay.”

Worse, in their two-people world, is barely a euphemism for the atrocities Bucky has borne, the likes of which Steve couldn’t have dreamed of even when he used to come home with more black eyes and fractured ribs than his stubborn body could afford to handle. Worse is a sore spot they only ever touch carefully, treading hand in hand on crumbling ground, and doing so takes its toll. There’s a time and a place for Worse, and tonight, Steve estimates, they both lack the spoons for it.

“Tell me something else you’re used to.” He wets his lips. “Something nice.”

Bucky’s eyes soften. In the dim, buttery light, his irises glitter like gems, startlingly pretty, and the corners crinkle just so, roped into a genuine smile. “Something nice, huh?”

His palms curl around Steve’s forearms, pulling him into Bucky’s space; and Steve goes, standing up from his chair only to step into Bucky’s inviting embrace, climbing into his lap, hoarded close in Bucky’s capable arms.

It’s precious, how Bucky has to tip his head back to look him in the eye like this. The way he looks up – looks up at Steve like he’s gazing at the stars, eyes full of wonder, of something soft like Oh, like How. How does something this beautiful exist. How does it bring light here, where the world is at its darkest.

Bucky’s flesh hand comes up to touch him, warm, brushing knuckle-first against his skin to stroke the soft underside of Steve’s chin, his fingers overlapping with Steve’s jawline, raspy with the day’s stubble.

“I could list you a whole bunch of nice somethings,” Bucky rumbles, gaze raking all over Steve’s face to drink him in, here, up close where he won’t miss a single detail. As though he could collect every freckle, every mole and laugh line and tuck them away for safekeeping, treasures that they are.

Steve exhales softly, feeling warmed through. Wanted. Desired. Craved, with that delicate, bone-deep hunger with which one craves a caress from their lover.

“Just give me the first one off the top of your head,” he prompts, whisper-soft, and tastes the word when Bucky breathes: “One”, against the curve of his lips, before capturing them in a kiss.

He lets Steve take the lead, and Steve moves them as he sees fit: slow and gentle, the bruises on Bucky’s face demanding that he take care, softly now, easy does it, as he tilts his head to the side and slips tender into the welcoming heat of Bucky’s mouth, dancing their tongues together.

His fingers sink in Bucky’s hair, cradling the nape of his neck as they part, lingering, close enough to breathe each other’s air.

“'Tell you a secret, though,” Bucky husks, breathing in with his eyes closed, his nose rubbing at Steve’s flushed cheek. He’s so warm, so warm all around him. Holding onto Steve with a need so deep, Steve is sure it’ll bruise him too, heart and soul. “I ain’t ever getting used to this, honey.”

Steve feels himself shiver, heat dripping down his spine. I love you, he feels, starting breathless in his lungs, tingling all the way into his fingertips, straining against the seams of his skin, too big to be held within. I love you, love you, love you–

In a cone of yellow light in their kitchen, he holds Bucky tight, and he doesn’t let go.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 7/2/2024

as of friday i have lived in texas for a full year. that's the most neutrally diplomatic thing i can say about my time in this state so far

listening

i did a lot of driving last week and had the first album from genshin impact's legally-not-France nation on loop bc it's a lot of vivaldi inspired stuff and i find that soothing. however! one of my favorite pieces of music from this nation is this battle track. i don't have any music words but i do like the.. pipe organ emphasis? on the little flourish at 0:28. catholic brain go brrrr

-

reading

thank you mackintosh.

i liked gotham city: year one! many many many callbacks but framed in a way "and this is the start of the blueprint for how everything would go" which made me less annoyed than callbacks for their own sake. a very chandler-esque take on noir, by which i mean a fundamentally good (but tired) man gets beaten to shit and survives a doublecross as he unravels a fucked up little family dynamic for the pure nosy sake of unraveling it.

-

watching

The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare (2024, dir. Ritchie). a spy/action/comedy thing about Operation Postmaster, a wwii special operation off the west coast of Africa to disrupt nazi u-boat supplies.

i did not like this at all.

i generally like a guy ritchie film-- the holmes duolgy are movies i would happily rewatch at any time, but this one is very flat. there's very little banter and remarkably little dialogue-- long stretches of this film are of people getting from place to place in perfect silence. even the soundtrack is remarkably toned down. most of it sounds like ai-generatred morricone (very few of the musical passages like. resolve in any sensible manner. there is no theming and no noticeable leitmotif. one of the worst covers of mack the knife ive ever heard is at the climax of the fuckin film. what if someone ominously tapped a hihat to create tension for literally half the movie with NO other accompaniment). when it doesn't sound ai-generated and kind of off (morricone's cowboy western work is not what i expect for a largely seafaring wwii movie) it sounds like they rented a jazz five-piece for a weekend. one of the worst soundtracks i've ever heard. it was extremely distracting.

this is a heist movie that never really figured out how to effectively intercut actions its team is independently taking. there are also a lot of places where the cuts are very strange, especially in the final harbor scene flicking back and forth from the land crew to the boat crew. just felt very underbaked as a movie. i was frequently bored. not an effective comedy, action, or spy movie. just barely a coherent war movie, though not a very enjoyable one.

-

playing

the breath of the wild to genshin ripoff pipeline is pretty clear, esp in the legally-not-India nation with lots of legally-not-koroks. u get a bunch of chests and achievements if u find all 76, i finally sat down on friday with an hour-long walkthough video and found them all. every single four-leaf clover sigil is where one of these fuckers was. and to get to this point, i had to do a whole DIFFERENT quest chain with different collectibles to unlock some of the legally-not-koroks and also make room on my map to free up 76 markers. very annoying process. i fucking hate collectibles for the sake of collectibles and padding out gameplay. i could not imagine doing this if i were employed

-

making

cross stitch update.

i got this belt for the ren faire when my sister came down, finally got around to pulling it out of the freezer and cleaning it the other day, and it was what i can only call yucky-disgusting. an inordinate amount of scunge for a belt with very few signs of wear. it's impossible to photograph bc it's quite late and i did not think to take a before shot, but it straight up changed color. it is much lighter now

[shreddeddescent]

in terms of the vagueness of raph's specific sexual abuse, i think ive been a bit wishy washy on how i talk about it (as ive... changed my mind on the specifics as ive gotten into writing more bits, canon and drafts and whatever be damned, i think ive pieced it together)

lemme like write out the timeline for how i think it all went down

uh. warnings for... csa. obviously.

so to kind of cement it out, raph started being sexually abused by his father at 8 years old. he barely remembers it because his splintered personality shit started at 6, when his mother "died". im unsure on if raph is even the original personality. what makes more sense? that raph was being beaten by his father so he'd stop crying over his dead mother and invented a CHILD to take that abuse? or that he invented a new PARENTAL persona to deal with it after? im honestly NOT sure what the answer is. maybe its both, who fucking knows. HE sure wouldnt.

the abuse from his father is what kind of kept him in line, so to speak, but also caused so many of those anger issues he has. the issues he puts ELSEWHERE.... if he fucks up? hes punished. if his brothers fuck up? hes punished. he doesnt remember the punishment, but he knows to stay in line. hes a good little soldier. its not something that happened in front of his brothers, but it might have been loud enough they could hear... something. as little as they would understand.

when hes 12 they realize somethings different about him, because leos puberty has become more obvious than his. maybe he blames leo for his own problems ever being discovered. maybe thats why hes EXTRA mad about leos physical body.

(i also apologize for the way ive overly dramatized the sexual-dimorphism, its gotten a bit out of hand since the start but SHRUG it helps to show things over dramatically)

but when that part is realized, the sexual abuse under his father becomes different. thats when it's less about controlling him, and more about it being his purpose. doesnt happen in beds or in the dojo anymore, it happens in LABS after that, it happens to test him. to see if things will work. hes experimented on in terms of... being under a scope. having his body never feel like his own. hes sexually abused medically after that, if that makes sense. this builds up the phobia of labs and doctors and medical treatment.

and the reason the same kind of controlling sexual abuse never happened to leo is because of the part where he's already been disappointing enough, shredder knew that wouldnt fucking matter. there was never an idea in shredders mind that it would work, so he just takes worse beatings than raph did. and besides, shredder quickly realizes once he cant be used as a donor, leos the best option he has.

but shredder's lack of thinking of raph as a person causes him to say too much, thinking raph wouldnt fucking care what happened to him, let alone his brothers. so he tells raph that leo's going to take over for that. or he tells SOMEONE inside raph that that's what will happen.

but as soon as raph learns that part, its time to leave. hes okay enough to get them all out, okay enough to cope with the complete change in lifestyle, and then he starts to deteriorate.

his mother didnt help the situation, like she tried in her own way, but raphs shitty brain trying to process that the father he barely remembers raping him has also abused and beat and raped and tried to kill her? it makes him lock that shit up tighter. its not about him, in his eyes. to him? his mother saved him. shes the hero of his life. he had a bad parent, he has a good parent. she has to be just as good as he was evil. thats how he sees it.

to his brothers? raph saved them. theres this nice mom here, but... its been 6 years. they dont know the worst shit their dad did to her (cuz they shouldnt, theyre fucking children) but they know they had no adults for 6 fucking years of their childhood. so she does not get the hero treatment from them. which in turn, makes raph resent them.

raph processing all that with his fucked up brain turns him into a fucking maniac who puts all the blame on leo, despite none of it being leos fault. while his awake/most conscious brain has blocked out being raped and being told leo would rape him, he still has that fear and anger and resentment. he feels it, but so much of it goes into slash. and slash processes that shit worse. slash is ready to protect himself at all times, if slash sees leo make a face, leos getting hit. if leo pisses raph off too much, slash is coming out and leos getting hit. its bad. leo doesnt actually deserve any of that ire, he did nothing wrong, he just doesnt help the situation by being a traumatized kid who's only outlet is poking fun at his abusive older brother.

its great when casey comes along, because its a new outlet for raph, hes so much less angry because hes out of the house, hes away from his family, hes letting out years of pent up rage and aggression, and hes in some kind of sexual situation that he actually wants to be in. so he's balancing himself out with her help. she is good for him.

so for about 2 years raph is just... avoidant. and no one minds, because hes better than he was. he still has moments of anger, but the hitting stops. he gets along with leo in so far as they can hang out in a group setting with their brothers. they absolutely both prefer the twins to each other, but theyre... okay. they all kind of know they're an abused family, no one really says it. who would want to? they kind of accept each others quirks, and its lucky theres no adult men in this house to set anyone off. literally no one in that house would be able to handle a man raising his voice.

and then raph remembers pieces. and then it all kind of... clicks into place. and then he realizes its not about leo at all, and he apologizes. and leo realizes why raph's been like that. and then they reconnect, and then theyre finally brothers. leos the only person (other than casey) that really knows about the sexual abuse at that point. so now raph has two people he trusts like that.

and thats kind of where we're at. thats the baseline for everything.

[coldresolve]

squeezing mm through the danish lit meat grinder

so i know ive joked about mm having a boiling spaghetti plot structure where we start out mild and let that thing sit there until the whole thing boils over. and thats true, but if yall want a more in depth ramble about tension beats ive tried to hit, lemme introduce you to the narrative tension model thats been beaten into my head since i was 8 by the danish education system. presenting:

the narrative model

aka the hollywood model, aka the whale model (it supposedly looks a bit like a whale)

note that this isn't exactly a model for plot structure, as you see with ex. the hero's jurney, save the cat, etc - it's a model that can be laid on top of any plot structure and serves to illustrate narrative tension. and thinking about narrative tension this way is incredibly helpful in my experience. i feel like its pretty self explanatory, but in case it's not:

the impact refers to the "hook", or the inciding incident;

the introduction is where we get to know the characters and conflict;

the elaboration is where the story starts to get moving;

the turning point, or the point of no return, is where something major happens that alters something, whether it be the stakes, the nature of the conflict, etc. this is typically found around the midway point. i prefer calling it the turning point because point of no return implies things can go back to the status quo for a while before this, which they usually can't once the conflict has been introduced

the escalation is the build-up to the climax in which tension rises exponentially

the climax is where shit hits the fan. it ends with the revelation of the story's main theme

the fade out, or the resolution, is where characters settle in their new (or sometimes old) normal

the thing about this model is that you can put literally all stories into it and it checks out. sure, the length and position of each "phase" shifts around a lot depending on the underlying plot structure. sometimes the change in narrative tension is barely pronounced until it takes off for the climax, sometimes the escalation takes up 90% of the story, sometimes the fade out is literally just a single sentence. but thats the beautiful thing about models: who gives a fuck, do what you want

ive had this vaguely in mind for moneymakers and finally sat down today and applied it (ik its not done yet but shush). and honestly im kinda surprised with how well it fits. these things are pretty subjective, so you can make the argument that the turning point includes ratio, or the climax starts at the last stream or after The Confession, etc etc. but heres where i'd draw the lines

note my immaculate excel skills. also note that blue = conrad's pov and green = renee's pov, and that one pretty nicely fades into the other. im very proud of that switch okay. im a writing god is what im saying

anyway yeah i dunno. this is all pretty basic but i like it a lot, so

happy saturday. insert peace sign emoji

[steddietogo]

bittersweet

/ˌbɪtəˈswiːt/

arousing pleasure tinged with sadness or pain.

Steve is there when Eddie gets his diploma in the mail. He puts aside the piece of paper he worked three years for, sits back in the couch and stares at that spot at the ceiling. Steve watches from the counter, slowly stirring his coffee. Eddie doesn’t move even after he’s finished drinking it.

After all that Vecna shit went down, Steve had constantly broken out of his room, wheeling the little iv pole with him to go sit with Max or Eddie. Dr Owens had called him the most difficult patient he’s ever had. But that didn’t matter when he got to see Eddie, high on painkillers, start giggling as he watched Steve come in. Steve misses that sound.

Eddie only speaks when Steve pops down beside him. “S’ not fair,” it’s barely a whisper. They don’t talk about this. It’s not like when Dustin refers to his nailbat fight with the demodogs or when he and Robin speak to each other with a shitty Russian accents. It’s like he and Eddie have a silent agreement to never bring it up. So it leaves him floundering this time, not knowing what to do.

“It’s all so fucked,” Eddie’s voice sounds thick like he’s on the verge of crying. So Steve just takes his hand in his.

“I know,”

“She should be here too,”

“I know,” Eddie’s gripping his hands like a lifeline. There are tears on his face now. Steve hates this. It’s should’ve been Eddie’s moment, finally getting his diploma and walking down that stage with his head held high. Instead he gets this. It’s all so fucked.

Steve stays until Wayne comes back from work early in the morning. It hurts to see Eddie so quiet, so beaten down. So he stays until Wayne puts a hand on his shoulder and says “I got him, son, go get some sleep,”.

————

@steddie-week

Day two: Bittersweet

A/n: this one is late oop. It’s sort of like a continuation of the first day but you can read it by itself too :)

Day 1 Day 3

[spooky-things-au]

2 7 and 12 ASK AU GAME >:>

That's going to be fun! Ask game.

Also, warning! Everything in answers to THESE questions (or any questions, related to characters, really) are only applying to characters of first season and only to extend of season 3 because...

1. I haven't watched the show past season 3, so it's hard to tell for me about anyone further than that...

And 2. I still haven't put ALL characters into spots (like Billy, Heather, Dr. Owen and etc.). So, until I decide on them, I'll just concentrate on characters of season 1.

So now, with these rules established... I can answer the questions!

2. Who’s your favorite character in this AU?

Oh, boy, starting hard, aren't we? Well... I don't like picking favorites, but I do enjoy writing Jaune and Lila in this AU! They're really fun, I like to explore their characters and friendship... plus, I love good parent characters.

Not to mention... Lila as Terry Ives is literally THE reason, why I decided to write this AU. So... yeah! Lila and Jaune are one of my favorites in AU!

7. What character have you changed the most?

Hm... I don't think I can answer this one at the moment, as it can still change, but I'd say it's Bob? I think I'd remove his cannibalistic tendencies, just so I can work with him (mainly because I don't think I'd be able to write him similarly to how he is in the show).

12. Who has suffered the most in your AU?

Lila, Ross and Skid. I mean... the boys take roles of Will and Eleven/Jane. And, if you watched ST... you know, these two kiddos can't catch a fucking break in entire show!

Will is kidnapped, trapped in another world, possessed, trapped in his own BODY... plus gets his crush stolen by a girl (not that it happens here, but it's there in the show).

While El has been experimented on, beaten up and abused for 12 years of her life. She hasn't had a childhood. Not even a "normal" one, but a childhood at all.

And this all now applies to Ross and Skid respectively. These two boys have it hard in this AU.

While all, Lila wanted, was to help her friend, when Jaune decided to quit in favor of keeping her (unborn) child safe, only to become a new fly in Celestino's web of lies. Then she tried to save her own child, when he was stolen from her, which nearly got her lobotomized. She barely got off the hook, getting away with, what she thinks, is a concussion.

@crossover-enthusiast @catsockpuppet @spookuzm @ferfbish @sunny6677 @momentokori @nottapossum @nostalgic-soda

[lostonehero]

What remains after eternity

Aftermath

Trevor frowns, staring at the vial of dark red, nearly black blood. He knows for the fact that all the progress they had was erased. He couldn't tell how long it'd been, but that didn't really matter. He can make a few observations, Lyf regrew and cuts off his wings multiple times to have food to share. Marius has finished his heat transformation, and his new parts and abilities seem purposely dormant due to the starvation and virus. He glanced over to the pair of sleeping twins who hadn't moved. He doesn't envy them.

"Trevor." Janet's voice makes him turn to face her. "So?"

"I barely started." Trevor sighs. "It's not good, Raphaella started the ivs, and the broth is being kept warm." He puts down the vial of Marius's blood. "I've got samples from his spinal fluid, blood, and marrow. The progress that has been made is completely wiped out. We're back at square one. I hate to say this, but I welcome the challenge. I know it's not a game. I just..."

"Treat it like you would of before." Janet gently headbutts Trevor. "They need you to be at your best for this. You should also be nice to his metal arm. Remember it's sentient."

"I almost forgot about that." Trevor smiles softly. "Alright, I need to do some tests. Do you mind keeping watch while I bring my samples to Raph's lab?"

"Why do you think I'm here?" Janet chuckles. "Aurora has my back to alarm for you."

"I do!" Aurora chirps. "I have also informed Nastya who was the first to find Marius. As per the twins' request, only the ones inside myself have been informed besisdes Nastya. Raphaella and Misery are waiting for you, Trevor."

"Thank you, Aurora." Trevor collects his samples and heads off.

Janet hums when he is out of earshot. "Aurora, be ready for whatever comes next."

"I always am." Aurora clicks.

.....

"If you keep asking me what I think I'm going to light you on fire and see if your ashes works which I know won't." Trevor growls.

Jonny clears his throat. "Want to repeat that?"

Trevor gasps, stumbling off his step stool. "Dad! I uh..."

Jonny laughs. "Still my baby boy." He smiles softly. "Get up and tell me what you've figured out. I know I ain't the best with this science shit, but Janet asked me to check up on you."

"It's not good." Trevor sighs as Jonny takes a seat on the exam table. "Whatever progress they had was wiped out for Marius, er Byron? I don't know what to refer to him as since he isn't lucid or has woken up. Anyway, it seems that without the updates from Raph or Misery, the virus mutated and took over again. At this point, I wouldn't suggest curing it.... I mean, well, the best thing to do would be to work backward kind of." He hops up next to his dad to sit. "There isn't getting rid of this virus. If I could engineer it to basically fuse to his very DNA, there could be a chance that it would change him, but he would finally be whole again. I just don't want to do anything drastic like that without consent. I mean, I would have before, but he's like family now, and I know he can't answer for himself...."

Jonny rubs his son's back. "Relax Trevor, you can ask his mate, or even his daughters." He pauses as Trevor leans on him. "Just explain it to them and give them the risks and how it would work."

"Are you sure you're ok with this, with me?" Trevor frowns. "I've done so much awful. I hurt so many people in the name of my own selfish need. I just... I feel like you shouldn't be ok with this."

Jonny snickers. "Trevor, I ain't no saint either. I've killed for less. I've hurt others for even less than that. I'm a terrible person, and honestly, I can't say I regret my actions." He sighs and gives his son a half hug. "You have a moral compass that I had beaten out of me. I'm proud of you regardless of what horrors you committed. You hesitate, and I wish I could say I could do the same."

"Thank you." Trevor pulls his dad into a tight hug.

Jonny can feel a wet spot where his son is crying. "Come on, we should check on them."

"Aurora?" Trevor mumbles in his dad's chest.

"Yes?" Aurora chirps.

"You're a little shit." Jonny can feel his son shake in a silent laugh.

"Is Lyf awake yet?" Trevor continues to cling.

Aurora chuckles. "That is quite adorable."

"Fuck off." Trevor mumbles.

"Alright, alright." Jonny pats his son's back. "Is the space cop up yet?"

"Lyf has woken up for a brief moment of panic but fell asleep as soon as he saw his twins. The twins are currently trying to wake him to eat some broth, but they are unsuccessful, so they are currently lying on either side of Lyf. I think they are playing 20 questions with Janet." Aurora chirps. "Nastya has managed to wake Marius to feed him some broth, but he is not lucid in the slightest."

Trevor pulls away, rubbing his eyes. "I'm not surprised. The damage on Lyf's body is self-inflicted. He cut off his own limbs, mostly his wings to feed the both of them. With the rest and iv, his body is probably in shock, adjusting to not being in survival mode. Similar occurrences have happened when Thomas and Laz have been trapped in places. Laz sacrifices himself to keep Thomas alive." He scratches his neck. "Tink used to be a scholar before they went mad. They may have done something similar. Aiden is made of stone he can't accomplish that. Izzy has mentioned something similar, but I've never observed it. What I mean to say they are all different species, but they're all acolyte, so with what I have observed, it should take approximately a week for Lyf to be fully recovered unless Yog Sogoth gets involved. Well, he will still look starved, but he will be mentally and physically healed." He hops off the table.

Jonny smiles proud of his son. "Well, that means you have time. You can discuss the options with the twins to start with."

Aurora hums softly. "Raphaella would also like to look at the samples now."

Trevor sighs. "Fine, fine." He waves Aurora off. "Can you come with me to check on them?"

Jonny nods and hops off the table. "Of course I can."

.......

"Aren't you two spending time with your respective husbands?" Aurora chirps spotting Thomas and Mae.

Mae rolls her eyes. "Laz, Charlie, and the fledgling god have been talking for hours at this point, and I'm bored listening about human things. They're allowed to catch up, but fuck I don't care in the slightest about their history. I don't even know what the fuck they're talking about." She throws her hands up. "Like what the fuck is a ice box? Why are they're churches so fucking lame? How the fuck did they accomplish anything? Like I wanted to hear about the war, but all of it is stupid god bullshit. If I wanted that, I would bother Nexus or Scratch."

"Please don't." Thomas sighs. "Human culture and history isn't excatly something either of us are interested in. That kind of stuff is Janet's thing. I love Laz, but we'll he also gets fucking bored when we talk New Texas." He cracks his back. "Besides, I want to play chess, and Trevor is the best at it, and I want a challenge."

"I ain't a fan of chess, but I do have to ask dad when Izzy and the others came by and why Izzy and Grams are doing the horizontal tango." Mae blinks as Thomas stares at her.

"What the fuck did you even say?" Thomas stares at his twin.

"Grams is fucking Izzy. From what Pa said, because I actually saw him out as far as he could go away from Grams. They've been at it for like six hours at this point. Also, Pa is a hologram brain in the machine thing. Why does he have a limp?" Mae crossed her arms. "Also, Carmillia was nailed to a cactus."

"I clearly went a different route than you did." Thomas shakes his head. "Does Pa look pathetic?"

"He looked confused." Mae shrugs. "Anyway, Aurora, do you know what happened?"

"I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about." Aurora pauses. "I can ask your father."

"Nah, I'll find him." Mae hums softly. "Besides, I heard there's newbies here."

"I wouldn't call them newbies they're technically older than us." Thomas sighs. "Well, that's what Laz says."

"Unfortunately, he's normally right." Mae huffs. "Hopefully, Alex is lingering around somewhere here. I'm so bored I may even play a hand of cards with them."

Thomas snickers.

"Oh fuck off. You suck at cards it's not even fun winning against you." Mae headbutts her brother from the side.

Thomas headbutts back and then gasps. "I WAS FUCKING RIGHT!" He points spotting Trevor who freezes like a deer in headlights.

Mae growls, letting off a string of curses, making Aurora squeak out in surprise. She pulls out something from her pocket and growls louder, shoving it at Thomas. It was an old, worn doll looking closer at it. "Fuck you Trevor." She headbutts Trevor hard enough he falls on his ass.

Trevor blinks incredibly confused. "Um.... What did I do?"

"You helped me win an old bet." Thomas chuckles softly, holding up his prize that Trevor recognized immediately.

"Ok how the fuck did you convince Mae to bet that first, Secondly what bet?" Trevor huffs as Thomas helps him to his feet.

"I knew you became a mad scientist, Mae didn't believe me, and so we made a bet ages ago." Thomas sighs. "I will probably give this back to her, though. It ain't right keeping it knowing how much it means to her."

"You brats kept that thing?" Jonny interrupts startling the two. He plucks it from his eldest and hums. "Where's yours?"

"Technically, that is Thomas's." Trevor rubs his arm. "He gave it to Mae after a nasty encounter with raiders that burned it to break her. It didn't go as they planned."

Jonny had a slight blush on his cheeks. "Fucking if you want a new one I can just make another one." He looks away. "Why are you two back?"

"You would make us another one?" Thomas swallows. "I uh... well, of course we're too old for it, so you don't have to."

"Shut the fuck up." Jonny rolls his eyes. "You're getting new ones. That means you too, Mae. Get the fuck out of the vents."

Mae hops out of a vent landing next to her dad.

"How the fuck do you keep doing that?" Aurora chirps.

"It's just climbing." Mae rolls her eyes. "Why go all mad science now?"

"It's a bit complicated." Trevor frowns.

Jonny sighs. "You're the only two not here for what happened. It's only been 12 hours, give or take. Marius and Lyf have returned in worse shape. The gods took them and sent them back, and none of us knew how long it's been for them. They're starved, and Marius's virus has completely taken over again somehow, even worse than before. None of it is good, and the twins requested we don't tell anyone until they return to Aurora."

"Oh." Mae crossed her arms. "What do you need me to do?"

Trevor lights up slightly, pulling out a list. "I have a request for supplies and ingredients for my work."

Mae snatches it and looks it over with a smirk. "Honestly, Trevor, I expected something more insane. Yeah, I'll grab this shit. You're going to integrate this virus into his DNA to have his body adapt and change so he won't be sick. That's clever."

Trevor stares at Mae mouth agape. "How the fuck...?"

Mae winks. "I'll handle it." She grabs the small cloth doll from Thomas. "I'll be back in an hour tops."

Thomas shrugs. "Don't look at me! I would have suggested isolating the virus strain and reverse engineering it to become a boost to his system and heal himself from the inside out."

"That's not.... where the... How the fuck do you know that?" Trevor stares at Thomas since Mae is already out of earshot.

Thomas looked uncomfortable. "Let's just not look into why we knew that stuff."

Jonny takes a breath. "Thomas, I'm going to need you to keep the twins away when Trevor looks over Lyf and Marius. They know of your brother and don't trust him in the slightest."

"Sure, I can do that." Thomas nods. "Why are you referring to them as twins? You don't refer to me or Mae as twins."

"They're identical." Jonny pinches his brow. "Impossible to tell them apart. Their names are Freya and Selene, and unlike you and your sister, neither of them are older."

"Ah." Thomas frowns. "You alright with that, Trevor?"

Trevor nods. "Yeah. Just be careful they're more on the xeon side of their lineage and are incredibly toxic like physically."

"It's not like I'll die." Thomas stops. "I'll be careful."

Jonny nods. "You both better be careful."

"Yes, dad." The two say at once.

......

Lyf gasps, and the remains of rainbow static fill his vision. He froze as his vision slowly game back to groans and whimpers of pain. With effort, he sits himself up. Both of his girls were on the floor at either side of his bed. He watched in mute horror as their limbs reformed, and a mark glowed on their backs.

"I warned you two." A male voice sighs.

"Be nice, Trevor. Also, your hair is on fire." Another male voice rings out.

"Fuck not again!"

"W-What?" Lyf's voice was barely a whisper.

Both twins left bloody handprints on the side of Lyf's bed, burning through the blanket.

"We're ok."

"Just give us a second."

"Don't push yourself either of you." Lyf finally looked over to recognize the voice belonged to Thomas. "Just because you've got the mark of Terminus does not mean it's easy no matter how often you test it."

"We know!" Both twins growl at him.

Thomas holds up his hands. "I ain't looking for a fight. Neither of you is in any condition for that either. Give Lyf some space. He's awake."

The twins step back with a stumble holding there quickly, closing wounds.

"N-no." Lyf croaks out.

The other male, who was Trevor? Lyf wasn't certain. "Relax." Trevor helps Lyf to sit up fully. "Take a breath, and please don't pull out your ivs. Janet is currently keeping an eye on Marius as he plays and wanders around." He takes out a thermos and gently feeds Lyf. "Now that you have something in your stomach. Your twins are fine they look to have just finished healing, and they know it was an accident."

Lyf takes a deep breath. "Freya, Selene?"

"Yes!" The two say at once.

Lyf smiles softly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"It's not like you could kill us."

"Selene!"

"What? I'm right."

"You don't have to say it."

"Freya, we both know Papa would freak out if we were mortal."

"Girls." Lyf sighs he looks awful and exhausted but relieved. "Girls, that's enough."

"Yes, Papa." Both say at once.

"Before you ask, I'm working on the next steps for Marius." Trevor crossed his arms. "Mae got what I needed about six hours ago. Thomas has been trying to get the twins to eat and sleep in proper beds, which hasn't worked. The next process will be done within the hour if you wish to stay awake for that. I'm taking a different approach, and hopefully, that will be a permanent solution." He looks away. "It's not going to be an easy process, and I will be locking myself in the same room as Marius to see this through."

Lyf looks down at his hands. They were discolored greatly. He knew he looked horrid. He hurt his own children. He balled his fists. "Don't you want to know what happened?" He sounded broken.

"I'm not my father." Thomas frowns with a tisk before Trevor can answer. "I can make my own assumptions, however. It's been ages, and the food was non-existent. You cut off your own wings multiple times just to feed Marius, and you neglected yourself. Your hair isn't evenly cut it was probably burned with an acid like substance, most likely the rain on Xeonia. Even with the adaption from your heat bond, it did not protect you from the harsh reality of the planet. From added context, you arrived on Xeonia before Marius was even born and stayed long after, but before the spread of the virus of the first time. You're paranoid, obviously from losing your children when they were young, younger than we were with our dad. Marius quickly lost lucidity after your kids vanished. He was hiding it from you and them with games and stories."

Lyf sucked in a breath staring at Thomas.

"S-stop!"

"D-Don't."

Thomas narrows his gaze, ignoring the pleads. "It didn't get better. Wars are horrible when you're searching for answers. Even more so when you're trying to keep your own partner nearby. How many times did you reduce him down to his arm to get through? More than you can recall."

Trevor scurries out of the way. They all had these fits dad would call them. They never remember when it started. Only know the story once they finish telling it. It's a curse from their grandfather's side. The gods don't even know what it is. He hates it. He could never purge it from himself.

"A time of peace came and went you almost abandoned Marius as dead weight." Thomas tilted his head. "You locked him in a bunker, didn't you?"

Lyf shakes. "I... I.."

"He wasn't aware. He starved with no one to care for him. I wonder how many times he collapsed from the sheer exhaustion of it all. You dug him out once the rumbles of a new war were coming, and you saw first-hand the true reason why he lies. Why he pretend to play dumb. Why he never talk about his home planet."

"That's enough!"

"Shut up!"

The twins seemed stuck in place as Thomas barely glanced at the two, returning his gaze to Lyf.

"Tell me, was it worth it? Was it worth it to witness the horrors? It wasn't a war. It wasn't a drought, and it wasn't a famine. No virus, no dictator. It's just pure evil throughout the planet. Horrors even the gods couldn't stomach. You couldn't flee. You would leave Marius behind. You could never abandon your mate. A war would have been mercy. A famine would be heaven. A virus would have left to sanctuary. What you witness. What you saw was nothing but pure madness and horror. Tell me, did you enjoy watching Marius's parents get -" Thomas can't continue holding his throat from a clear bullet wound, and the static in the air lifted.

Eyes landed on the figure holding the smoking gun, and the screaming from Thomas as the mark did its job was silent.

"Some stories shouldn't be told." Mae's boots sounded so loud against the metal floor as she slung Thomas over her shoulder. "Janet strapped Marius down for you. Get to it." She watches Trevor basically run out of the room.

"Why?" The twins watch Mae put Thomas in a bed, wrapping him up tight.

"How did he know that?" Lyf swallows.

Mae looks back to Lyf. "It ain't your business."

"The fuck do you mean!"

"You shouldn't know that!"

Mae lights up a cigar and takes a deep breath before walking close to the three. She blows out thick smoke on them. "It ain't your fucking business. You aren't my fucking kin." She growls tail lashing behind her.

The twins growl back.

In an instant, both twin's braids fall to the ground in a bloody heap. Mae tosses her cigar on the mess, causing a fire separating them. "I won't say it again."

"Sallie, stop." Thomas's voice was strained. The wound in his neck was still sluggishly bleeding. He sits himself up. "We all have some version of this. Dad has it the worst. I ain't proud of it, and I'm sorry."

Mae watches the fire die, leaving a sickly sweet smell behind. "Tommy."

"Dad ain't get his storytelling from age." Thomas grimaced, holding his throat.

"What do you mean?"

"Did the gods curse you?"

Mae let's out a hiss. "It ain't the gods."

"Sallie...." Thomas wheezes and swallows. "None of know what it is, and neither do the gods."

"Just drop it." Mae growls.

Thomas gets up and grabs Mae's hand with his bloody hand. "Stop." He takes a breath easier. "Come on, let's just find dad."

Mae nods, holding onto her twin tight.

Lyf waits to speak until they leave. "Girls, I'm sorry I hurt you both."

"It's not your fault."

"We're fine!"

"That's not the point, and you both know that." Lyf sighs. "You both don't have to pretend I know we're basically strangers, but you both are still my babies and... and I just want... I want to be your dad."

"You're already our papa."

"That's all we want."

Lyf smiles softly.

"Besides, we've already seen you at different points in the timeline before us."

"We know you're different, and it doesn't scare us. We're different, too."

"We also know you still can't tell us apart."

"We also know that we love you."

"Alright, push the beds together and lay next to me. You both need to recover. I know your hair is alive. No arguing it's just a flesh wound." Lyf smiles as the beds come together, and he lays back down.

"It is just a flesh wound."

"Our hair already grew back."

"Hush girls." Lyf chuckles.

.......

Jonny glanced up at his twins and returned to his sewing. "Get your bloody hands away from my work, and you can stay."

Mae seemingly realized that she had blood on her hand as she let go of Thomas's hand. "Dad I..."

"No." Jonny clicks his tongue.

"No?" Thomas growls.

"No, neither of you have to say anything." Jonny puts down the half finished doll. "You two haven't changed no matter how old you get. You only hold each other close like that after the curse rears its ugly head. I'm guessing it was Thomas from the dried blood around his throat. Now, you two can either sit while I work or get cleaned up." He sighs, watching his twins sit together by him. "Just because I am able to use it doesn't mean I expect any of you to be comfortable with it. I will say it as nausea till it gets through your thick skulls. I don't know what it is, and it shouldn't define either of you."

Thomas looks a bit embarrassed. "Sorry for getting mad."

"I should bring back that stupid fucking jar just for you." Jonny huffs picking back up his project. "You have my temper boy, and I expect nothing less."

"It was about Lyf and Marius." Thomas crossed his arms as Mae leans on him.

"And? Thomas it takes a pair of eyes to just look at the two to know something went fucking wrong." Jonny rolls his eyes. "Tell me something I don't know. You're smarter than that."

Thomas huffs but he had a small smile on his lips.

"I saw gramps." Mae hums.

This causes Jonny to stop and stare at his daughter. "Why?"

"Well, I asked. He seemed confused, but Grams and Izzy were going at it in the sand. Grams let him wander while she was busy, and he kind of just stood there. He has a limp, which is weird because he's basically a ghost in the machine." Mae shrugs. "I also saw angles of Grams. I don't think I will ever be able to forget."

"Ew." Thomas makes a face of disgust.

"He still has that limp." Jonny sighs and returns again to his project.

"I went a different way, so I didn't see any of that. I'm glad about that." Thomas sighs. "I think if he's still out, Alex would ambush him for a game of cards."

"That was his game of choice." Jonny hums. "I have been meaning to talk to him. I ain't looking for closure, so don't either of you start." He looks up to give a look to the two. "Mom says he's better now, and I don't know. I think I might want to try. You brats can bother him. I never said you can't."

"I bother him plenty!" Aurora interrupts. "Valerie gives him free roam, and he tries to hide in my programming. It's quite fun scaring him. It appears that given freedom is a new way your mother has found a way to hurt him."

"Can you not interrupt a conversation with my children." Jonny rolls his eyes again.

Mae and Thomas giggle.

"Dont encourage her, you brats." Jonny puts his sewing project to the side. "What do you want, Aurora?"

Aurora ignores Jonny. "Children, tell me stories about Jonny raising you."

Mae laughs. "Oh, now I won't say shit."

Thomas snickers. "That's literally the worst way to get information from us."

Jonny smiles proudly.

"Nastya was right they are just mini, yous!" Aurora huffs. "Jonny took on space cats before he was reunited with you."

"Yeah and?" Thomas gets up, picking at the dried blood on his hands. "You should if seen dad panic when we reached 18, the idiot thought we would leave."

Jonny chuckles softly.

Mae gets up after her brother. "Fucker thought I would give up my game, and I will get you one day." She smiles. "Besides, dad had pets when we were growing up. He also taught us how to kill skin and cook them. New Texans are a social species. We don't do good alone. If you actually looked at Ivy's archives, you would know that."

"We are an uncomfortable close social species. Fucking if dad ends up knocked up and I start leaking I'm going to be pissed." Thomas groans. "It was bad enough when you were expecting. Laz freaked out so bad he thought I was expecting."

Jonny starts to cackle.

"It is not funny! That ass wouldn't touch me for months! Dad, stop laughing!" Thomas huffs now red face.

Mae giggles. "It was hilarious you're just a baby."

"Oh fuck you." Thomas growls.

Jonny gets up and grabs his twins by the ears. He takes a breath. "No fighting you brats."

Thomas and Mae huffs.

......

The sun was just coming over the horizon. Trevor was still in the room with Marius. It's been a week. Alex huffs watching the sun rise. They were outside Aurora leaning on her. They heard a noise that made them quirk a brow. They watched Tim walk by waving, but he was nearly silent. They decided to check it out.

Billy sat on the sand. He clearly had mass since he seemed to be counting the grains in his hands. He was in loose-fitting clothing, obviously New Texan. He was shaking enough to see that he was clearly rattled.

Alex knew that look. They knew that look from their own father after.... they sit next to their gramps. They pull out a deck of cards. "Well, you shuffling or am I?"

Billy jumps clearly, just realizing that Alex was next to him. "What?"

"Fine, I'll deal." Alex starts to shuffle. "Dad says your game of choice was anything cards. Never said if you were any good."

"I was a drunk." Billy hugs his chest. "Val won't let me back in my machine."

"Shame, you'll just have to entertain me then." Alex deals out two hands and places the deck down.

Billy picks up his hand with a raised brow. "Why?"

Alex gives a knowing look. "Does it really matter?"

"I suppose not." Billy seems taken aback. "You have it too?"

"We all have it." Alex hums softly. "I always assumed it was from grams, but seeing from your reaction, she doesn't know." They put down a card. "I ain't gonna tell."

Billy seemed confused. "Why? I ain't doing nothing for you."

"Suppose not." Alex picks up a card. "Why does it matter? It ain't like it will kill me."

Billy threw down his hand and raised his brow. "You ain't bad."

Alex hissed. "Neither are you. Not anymore, I guess." They take the cards and shuffle. "Janet, you can join us."

Billy whips his head around to spot Janet, who sits next to him.

"I can play a game or two." Janet hums softly. "Mae says you have a limp."

"Always had a limp." Billy raised a brow.

"That is annoying." Janst sighs. "Anyway, I did grab breakfast for you." She tosses over a wrapped sandwich. "I made it, had a feeling you would be out here."

"Where's dad?" Alex unwrapped the sandwich.

"Sleeping in as far as I know. Everyone's split up in two groups. There's the mess Tim made and doesn't quite understand, and then Marius and Lyf. It's a fucking mess." Janet frowns. "The twins are nice to talk to, but they're still scared of me."

"I can't help you with that." Alex quickly finished their food. "Just because we know each other doesn't mean I can just fix what they think of you."

Janet picks up her cards. "Ain't asking you to. So why play with gramps?"

"He's pretty good." Alex shrugs.

Billy frowns. "Val won't let me back in my machine."

"I figured as much." Janet hums. "Are you sure Henry's real? Haven't seen him once. Brian and Misery sure, but Henry, not at all."

"He's terrified of you and Trevor like how Laz is scared of grams." Alex hums drawing a card. "Ain't his fault, just look at what Carmillia did to Brian."

"That's fair enough." Janet furrows her brows, looking over at Billy. "Nanobots?"

"Correct." Billy tosses a card down.

"Unlike Trevor, I'm not one for science. I prefer history and different cultures." Janet picks up another card. "So why haven't you come inside? Aurora is amused by you, and dad does want to speak to you."

"I don't belong." Billy scowls as Janet throws down her hand.

"None of us belong anywhere anymore." Alex collects the cards.

"It's not like New Texas is the same. Our home is a museum." Janet leans back. "We want to stay with dad, but who knows how long that will last before the gods get bored." She lights up a cigarette. "You ain't special."

Billy blinks and looks away.

Alex puts their cards away and lays back in the sand.

Janet joins them. "Just enjoy the quiet moments." Blowing out smoke, she sighs. "Unfortunately, with our luck, it won't last."

"Ain't that the truth." Alex sighs.

Billy seems uneasy but joins them, laying down. "You should hate me."

"So?" Janet blows out more smoke.

"Time has a habit of dulling hatred into annoyance." Alex yawns. "Fucking every time you get me all introspective."

"Sucks to suck." Janet snubs out her cigarette.

"Fuck you." Alex huffs.

.......

"The fuck are you doing?" Jonny raised his brow at his four kids outside Aurora currently burying Billy in the sand.

"It's pretty self-explanatory." Mae rolls her eyes.

Jonny sighed and pinched his brow. "Why?"

"We're bored." Thomas shrugs. "Also, gramps hasn't moved." He was clearly missing one of his horns.

"Thomas got mad at losing, and I took his horn." Janet hums. "You really suck at any sort of game."

"Fuck you." Thomas huffs.

"Mae started it." Alex shrugs. "Grams came by, but she sucks at games like Thomas does, so she left."

"Again, it would be Thomas sucks at games like grams does. Respect the age difference." Mae sighs.

"Stop." Jonny rubs his temples. "Dad why the fuck are you letting them bury you?"

Billy shrugs. "Val won't let me back in my machine."

"Can you give a different reason that one is getting stale." Janet scoffs.

"You're just mad you can't take his horns because he's made of nanobots." Mae sticks out her tongue.

"I am going to get a better collection than Tommy ever had." Janet rolls her eyes.

Thomas blinks. "It's not really a collection. It's literally mine and Mae's horns I made into actual instrument horns."

"Fuck you." Janet scoffs.

"They've been at this for hours." Billy mumbles.

"Of course they have." Jonny crossed his arms. "Have any if you done something productive or just bothering your grandfather?"

"I say this is productive. It's family bonding, dad." Alex snickers.

"You can join us." Mae smiles softly.

Janet pauses. "Why does he have a limp?"

"Seriously?" Thomas sighs. "Obviously, it happened before what gram did."

"Then dad would know! It ain't like gramps will say shit." Janet huffs throwing sand at Thomas.

Jonny looked at his father, who again just shrugged. "Brats, I gave him the limp. Seriously it's not that fucking important. Now dig him out."

A collection of groans as Billy is pulled out of the sand and pushed in front of Jonny.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm the worst now. Thomas, give me your chess board." Jonny grabs it from his eldest, sets up a pile of sand, and sits setting up the board. He puts his goggles on and motions to his father. "A game, and you brats can watch it you behave."

Billy raised a brow and cautiously sat down on the other side. "What's with the goggles?"

"My eyes are shit." Jonny sighs. "Barely can see without them."

Billy gives a soft, huh? "That's explains a bit. Ain't you going to shoot me again?"

"What's the point? It ain't like it will stay." Jonny makes the first move. "I understand why you did what you did. I don't agree, but I understand."

"I was a drunk." Billy moves the next piece. "I beat the shit out of you for being a kid."

"You were a drunk out of necessity. Ma doesn't know the truth." Jonny hums softly. "And I expect you to keep your mouth shut. Ignoring the culture of the time and how society was set up. It could have been worse. Gambling and drinking were your escapes, I know for a fact you only did what you did to Ma out of obligation."

The four watches held their breath.

Billy sighs. "If it wasn't me, it would have been another just how the world worked." He raised his brow. "You already knew that."

"Ma told me." Jonny hums softly, taking his father's piece. "I don't know everything, and I don't want to. All I know is that Ma wants me to give you another chance. Even without her encouragement, I wanted to have a talk with you."

Billy tisks. "I ain't worth that. I blew my chance." He moves another piece. "You shouldn't trouble yourself."

Jonny knocks over his king and leans back as his father resets the board. "I've had a lot of time to think. I've seen empires rise and fall. Love comes and goes, and monsters become heroes. I don't consider myself good in any capacity. I don't even know why my brats like me." He looks over to his kids then back to his father. "There really isn't anything left for me to do. I can't die. I don't age. It's only a matter of time till I'm alone again." He stares at the reset board. "After everything, you forgave me, and I never deserved that."

"You were a child." Billy moves his own piece going first. "I knew one day you'll kill me just as I killed my own father."

The kids' eyes widen as they stare at their father.

Jonny's neutral expression doesn't even flicker of a change. "So you wanted me to kill you."

"In a sense. It would have been a fitting end." Billy raised his brow at his son's move. "You don't see it that way."

"I don't." Jonny hums softly. "It's a fucking stupid ending to hope for. We've seen countless stories that played out in a continuous cycle. You picked a coward way out." He lets out a breath. "You were a drunk barely aware of anything around you. You took to the bottle to escape. You would have ended up dead on your own without me."

Billy's eyes widen as Jonny takes his king in only a few moves.

"It wasn't even a kill, I left you alive." Jonny sighs. "You weren't the man I heard about. Hell, even Ma told me stories about the rumors about you. Not that she believed them. I know there was truth in them." He finally shows emotion with a frown. "You were run out of every town till you ran to the shithole that was Jack's territory. I wouldn't call you two friends, but he knew your history. He offered you sanctuary in exchange to get rid of the growing resistance at the caves."

Thomas covers Mae's mouth before she can interrupt.

"It wasn't personal." Billy sighs, setting the board back up. "Val was the leader. Jack had me make an example."

"It went sideways." Jonny narrows his gaze.

Billy nods. "I was the fall guy. My reputation Jack used that. I ain't a saint boy." He sighs. "I was the town drunk in that shithole. Gambling and drinking are what I was known for now. Whatever I was before ain't anything."

Jonny holds the king in his hand. "That ain't true for shit." He tossed the king at his father, who catches it without blinking.

Billy stares at the worn wooden piece. "What makes you think that?"

Jonny crossed his arms.

Billy chuckles. "You really are my kid."

"Suppose I am." Jonny gets up. "Brats fucking behave." He turns and heads back to Aurora and stops right by her entrance. "I'll see ya later."

Four pairs of eyes stare at Billy.

Billy narrows his gaze. "That fucker."

"What was your relationship to Jack?" Thomas shoots off first.

"Did Grams really take Jack's eye?" Mae goes next.

"Just what were you known for?" Alex jitters excitedly.

"Did you have siblings?" Janet huffs as eyes stare at her. "It's legitimate questions! Gram has siblings."

"They ain't blood related." Billy flinched as eyes refocused on him.

"What!" The four shout.

"Vindication motherfuckers." Janet smirks. "So, do we have any great aunts or uncles?"

"They're dead." Billy blinks he wasn't exactly prepared to lie about these questions. He supposed his kid did find this a fitting punishment, and it wasn't painful, just confusing. "Jack and I er..."

"Jack was a worse man than Billy ever was." Audrey interrupts she was clearly in her android body. "We are still family."

Billy looked away. "Didn't say you weren't."

Audrey had a look of pity on her features and sighs. "Billy, where is Val?"

Billy's eyes glowed for a moment as he tensed. "My system is 20 clicks north."

"I ain't here to get you riled." Audrey sighs. "Is it true she is on a date?"

"You mean with Izzy?" Mae shrugs. "She did stop by lost at cards and went off. They did have fun in the sand, but I ain't saying they on a date."

"It would be nice, though." Alex hums.

"Fair enough." Mae nods.

"Wait, what do you mean by Jack was worse than gramps?" Janet raised a brow.

"Gramps is literally right there." Thomas points at Billy, who looks slightly uncomfortable being known.

"Well, yeah, but he talks like dad, and none of us can tell truth from fiction if he doesn't want us to know." Janet sighs.

Audrey gives a look to Billy, who shrugs.

"It don't matter if they know." Billy gets up on his feet. "It ain't like he's around."

Audrey grimaced. "You could say they were in a relationship. Not a good one, but it was something."

Billy scowls. "Don't coat it in honey and feed them shit." He sighs. "I was his toy as per requirement of my sanctuary. Part of that is why my boy exists. I was told to make an example of the leader of the resistance."

Audrey looked sick. "Right well." She pats Billy's back. "To be fair, I've never seen anyone drink shine that fast."

"I ain't need your pity." Billy huffs. "It's what happened.... why are you looking at me like that?" He looks at Alex.

Thomas made a o with his mouth as it clicked. The rest had looks of understanding.

"Well, dad did say we were allowed." Alex gives a look to their siblings.

"I suppose it wouldn't be much of a shame." Thomas nods.

"Wouldn't be that difficult." Mae smirks.

"I'm sure Trevor wouldn't mind being in the dark a bit longer." Janet narrows her gaze.

Audrey thins her lips. "Now kids, your grandfather wasn't a good man, but that doesn't mean he hasn't changed..... I...." She watches as the four grab and left Billy up. "Kids?"

Billy blinks clearly, incredibly confused. "Are you going to pull me apart?"

The four laugh and run off carrying their grandfather's. Audrey chases after them.

.......

Lyf looked healthier, and his twins stood at either side of him. He grimaced seeing the state Trevor was in as he left the reinforced room.

Trevor was in shredded bloody clothes. His eyes were sunken in from starvation. He had many new scars and discolored skin. He staggered out of the room with a heavy sigh. "He's asleep. I honestly can not tell you if his mind will be intact the next time he wakes. He's still suffering from the effects of starvation on that scale, but the virus to his DNA did work. His body had adapted to it entirely."

"What does that mean?"

"Can we see him?"

"Make sure you have food in case. He's a bit like a wild creature." Trevor sighs. "He needs more time to recover."

Lyf pushed forward. "Go rest. I'll take over the watch on him. Thank you."

"Where my dad?" Trevor swallows.

"Jonny is making lunch."

"Jonny is making a lot."

Trevor nods. "Thank you." He pauses. "Let him rest. There is no telling what is going to happen when he wakes up."

Lyf watches Trevor leave and heads into the room.

Marius is laid out naked. He is pale, and there seems to be new spines along his wings. He was still incredibly skinny, but he did have color in his face again. He was breathing that odd pattern that was normal to him and his species. His lower half up to his hips were covered in a thick fur that he knew to be soft. The bald spots in his fur on his legs and wings seemed to have healed, which was a relief. He looked peaceful asleep.

"Girls, leave me with your dad for now. Let me be the first he sees when he wakes again, and if he isn't himself, then let me take that damage." Lyf gives a sad smile. "I would never forgive myself if I let him hurt you, and he would never forgive himself even if it was an accident. I hurt you both already, and I don't want to do that again."

"Papa, we're already healed."

"We can handle anything."

Lyf gives them both a tight hug. "My beautiful little girls. That isn't the point." He lets go. "Let me do this."

"Papa that isn't fair."

"We can handle this."

"We aren't little kids anymore!"

"You can't just lock us out."

The twins can't argue anymore as a flash of rainbow static and the door was shut cutting them off from their parents again.

[violetwitch12087]

Hi! I saw your requests are open - I've never done something like this before btw so sorry if it's too specific - so I was wondering If you could do the Evans (specifically Alex from adult world, Todd hayness and Peter maximoff) reacting to a non binary reader who is OBSESSED with monster high, and loves collecting the old gen 1 and new gen 3 dolls. Thank you so much if you do! Have a good day!!

YES OMG YES YES YES YES YES YES YES I LOVE THIS SM OMG THANK YOU FOR UR REQUEST (also sorry it took so long im going back into a depressive episode butttt i have some motivation rn)

The evans reactions to non binary reader being obsessed with monster high/collecting

Evan Peters

Would probably find it actually adorable

You guys would be walking in the store and you see a monster high doll u dont have and start squealing

He just smiles takes it out of your hand and puts it in the cart

For your birthday or something he would probably even get you dvds of the monster high movies so you can watch it whenever you want

Would help you build shelves in ur house to put all the dolls on to show them off

Kit walker (if they existed when he lived yk)

Would be so fucking confused

"baby why are you collecting dolls?"

Would be confused on why your collecting kid toys but whenever he sees one in the store he (bare with me theres phones ok) would send u a picture to ask if u have it

If you dont well now u do if you do then...congrats?

Okay he would be confused but would just fucking love seeing the way you smile when he gets u one

Kyle Spencer (pre death)

Would see your collection and his jaw would drop

"ive seen the show but never watched it, the characters are so cute omg"

"do you want any more? Cs i can save up and definitely get you some....or.. a lot."

Would honestly make it a mission to collect EVERY. SINGLE. DOLL

you guys would spend soooo much money together it would be actually kinda scary

Kyle would search online forever jst for one you mentioned u wanted that was a old one

Jimmy darlin (darling)

A lot like kit

So fucking confused

Didnt even know they existed tbh

"uh doll? Why do you have so many...dolls"

*you tell him what it is* "oh... Well are ya sure you need this many?" *You do a mean glare at him* "I- i mean its fine do whatever baby imma just uh" *runs away scared*

After a while gets used to it and finds them actually so cute and you jst straight up adorable

James Patrick March

A lot like jimmy

Actually more confused than jimmy

Obviously didnt know they existed

"darling, thats a lot of...dolls"

After he finds out you love them a secret room in the hotel is specifically all yours to store and organize your dolls

Has many many people find every monster high in california shipped to the hotel

Kai Anderson

He walked in on you looking at your dolls making sure they are still in good shape

He would literally snatch it and squeeze its head off (#toddlertantrum)

"HOW DARE YOU GET THESE STUPID FUCKING DOLLS? YOU DON'T NEED THEM YOU SHOULD BE PAYING ATTENTION TO THE CULT AND YOUR DIVINE RULER"

You would be slapped or beaten to death, or locked in the closet, or he would fuck you really hard (ew)

But on the other hand if you were pregnant with his 'messiah' (peep my other head cannon) he would honestly get a lot of people in the cult to look for all of them jst for you

Peter maximoff (imma jst say apocalypse age)

Would see them pick one up and love them

"oh whats that, awesome! These look so pretty"

Would steal them for you

Would make a designated place in his moms basement for all of them

Would understand and bring up how its like him and 'collecting' arcade machines

You guys honestly both kinda love them and even peters sister does

Todd Hayness

"what's that? Oh"

Thinks of it how he collects superhero and comic figures

Would probably go online and order you monster high stuff/ more dolls

Would honestly be okay with it

Would ask you if you got any more and ask all about them

Would just admire you while you talk about monster high until you snap him out

Alex (adult world)(he has my heart like sobbing)(if that makes sense)

Your friends are throwing a party at your house and alex is going and yall barley jst started dating and hes only been over for ur birthday and didnt see ur room

He would see them and just furrow his eyebrows at them for a second

"hey, those are pretty cool" he points at them

You would smile and then you guys would end up staying in your room for the rest of the night while he listens to you gush about monster high and you guys fall asleep cuddling

He wouldnt mind he would find it actually really cute

I hope you guys like this i literally like took such a long time im so sorry

[superscourge]

Has anyone wondered about Scourge if he switched roles with Sonic in Archie issue 175?

He never really deals with the kind of enemies Sonic has had in past. Certainly not something like the Egg Beater.

Seeing that he’s not able to do anything against him, hearing the words that he’s reached his limit, and [maybe?] just utterly getting beaten into oblivion.

What do you think?

prefacing this by saying i dont know/remember wtf went on in 175 bc ive barely read any archie besides the scourge chapters BUT i will answer just as a scourge fan here

while i do think scourge can hold his own in a fight (more or less, depending), i think a lot of eggman's shit could kick his ass ngl. not that he isnt capable of beating them but like. he doesnt have the experience sonic has with fighting them yknow? so he probably just gets frustrated bc he cant figure out the weakness or he starts trying underhanded shit lol. this dude would cheat in a fight. and also? if eggman beats down his ego even a little hes done for, and eggman will 100% do that im sure of it

[nat-alianovnaromanova]

this poem reminded me of bucky barnes (i just got into marvel comics like a few months ago lmao). particularly wrt nat. and of course the dog coding of both of them is very interesting to me also. dog as in a tool dog as in a loyal servant dog as in devoid of identity except for their place as a cog in the machine. what do you think?

ohhhhh i love u for this. hm yes obviously this is more bucky than nat but sidebar it has echos of younger nat in the red room/when she first starts out as black widow. i dont think she is as pathetically beaten down as ws bucky bc she’s never had her autonomy & personhood completely stripped away like him so she is not a tool like he is. like yes she’s had her memories altered and tampered with but essentially she could always think for herself and so she could always pick up and go. but when she was younger not really she just wanted to be a good little spy, ergo the dog, until she escapes the kgb and becomes the fugitive dog never to be chained again. however

the winter soldier is literally a nameless dog on a leash. they kick him when he whines. he sits and waits and speaks when he is spoken to and rolls over when he is told to. and it is all insanely brutal and violent but it is all he knows so he thinks ah well this is how the world works!!!! i am either going to be thoroughly violated or completely ignored!!! and so i must be Good and Obedient. good cog in machine. good soldier. and again its literally all he knows. and when i say knows i mean … idk how to explain it but essentially he’s cognitively impaired as the soldier: brainwashing + drugs + cryostasis have obviously done a number on him! and when he’s only let out for hours at a time before being shut back in—which means he can barely begin to comprehend his surroundings let alone figure out a way to approach them—he behaves very mechanically. very doglike in that he obeys cues (ie sit shake roll etc). so over time he is conditioned to only behave in the ways his superiors like (follow this man. kill this woman. mission report. stand over there and don’t speak. or actually no come here us have fun with the good little soldier) bc it gets him the desired reaction: no reaction! to him no reaction = he’s been good and loyal. so bucky is chained. no control whatsoever. and it's learned behavior. when nat happens he's very ill-equipped to deal with her bc she wants him to speak and she doesn't give a shit about his being good and loyal. which is ironic because she is the only time bucky ever WANTS to be good and loyal to another person!! so here he needs to learn different behavioral patterns to earn the 'no reaction' which in nat's case IS reaction. sorry i feel like im explaining this wrong + ive veered off the dog topic. going back to that - the last part of the poem about the dog learning to love is VERY bucky during and after his time as the winter soldier. because he is essentially learning love from nat he thinks love is like. a smile. and he has no idea how to get it so he whatever he tries that works is the thing he relies on - and he does it again again again in the hopes that it will earn him love. he's like when you feed a stray once bc you felt bad and he keeps coming back even though you try to kick him away. so with the black widow he's like. when a dog brings you a dead bird and expects to be praised for it bc he knows no better. and anyway character thesis for the winter soldier is that he's treated more like an animal than a person. he is an attack god foaming at the mouth. someones sharpened his teeth for him but all the biting and snapping is his own. no one gives a shit about his identity or his wellbeing beyond serving his purpose which is to be a good loyal soldier. ergo dog. during recovery bucky becomes soooo pathetic about wanting to be good and loyal. essentially he curls up at the foot of nat/steves bed and waits for one of them to pet him. but also he pretends he doesn't want to be pet so that neither of them can see the extent to which he is desperate for it.

ALSO obviously there is love as biting. like digging into the flesh is an act of affection. where the black widow and the winter soldier think that love is like. hey i killed someone for u! here's the severed head :) circling back to the dog with the bird in its maw. circling back to trying to learn kindness and coming back for the hope of it even after they've been let down (by one another or the red room/hydra or wtv). they get one (1) mildly affectionate gesture and it drives them crazy forever.

anyway in conclusion bucky and nat are specifically dog coded in different ways. nat is more rabid. she is the kind of dog who bites first and back. she bites for fun! (otherwise she risks being bit and she is much too wary to let that happen.) bucky only bites back and that is out of fear. they are both always scared & poised to attack. bucky only knows to wait for scraps. nat digs in the trash for her own. bucky and the winter soldier are also dog coded in different ways. bucky is more of the pathetic one sitting in the foyer while the ws is the one who barks and bites and gives u rabies until one good kick turns him into a curled up whiny puppy. hope this helps!

[seroquelled]

recurring dreams masterpost

warning ROUGH stuff but we stay silly

2012- 2013 | frequency approx 3-4 times monthly tapering to once everh couple months over the course of a year

being in london (sherlock phase..... christ alive) walking along the river eventually making it to a bridge and nearly being hit by multiple cars but everu time i should be its like they clip through me. v cold v windy. crawling my way up the metal of the arches somehow n making it allcthe way to the top. sitting up there bullet - hollywood undead style eventually helicopters show up ?? cops below n shit yelling at me and i jump every time but when i do its like im falling in super slow motion like the air is holding me up and get so frustrated because all i want to do is hit the water . i wake up before i make it down every time

--

this one is the roughest cw infant death , csa jic

2016 - current | like once every few months in 2016, big gap in 2017, once or twice in 2018, maybe once a year if that 2019-2020, constantly for like three months in a row early 2021, barely at all 2022, and then recently twice at the beginning of this year

this ones at least a little different most times with some outlier variants. the consistencies are that im always in a big line of people sort of like an airport crossed w a museum but the room is huge and empty with a corridor at the end that the line disappears into and snakes away into a maze like hallways where i can never see the end. im between the ages of 4-6 in a group of adults i dont recognize, one of which has a stroller w an infant, nobody is speaking but the baby is babbling and im feeling very impatient but i dont say anything. stand there for what feels like forever and without saying anything the adult w the stroller undresses and starts sodomizing the infant and i stand there and cant do anything. eventtually i realize i have to do something and i run away and try to get the attention of the people in the line in front of me, moving from group to group but im crying so much i cant explain whats happening but i dont understand why nobody is doing anything. this is basically it. there are other versions where i go back and everyone is gone and the baby is dead or i go back and am screamed at and beaten for running away (but not for saying anything i guess? because i couldnt) but sometimes i dont go back at all and it just ends

--

2015, 2020 | ive only had this one a handful of times total, mostly in 2015 but then a couple times after i told isaac abt it and havent had it since

im at a massive outdoor rave/party w many stages, its mostly open grass but with some areas of concrete and the lit areas are primarily around the concrete brick bathrooms. no idea who i went there with but i know it was with a big group of older people and that im no older than 15 in the dream. i wander away and am having a nice time weaving through groups of people away from the stages where i can hear music in the background. lots of trash everywhere, blankets crumpled up where people have left them or are sitting on them drinking. picking up half drank or empty beer cans getting drunk on the dregs. being mad that i cant find any drugs to do and that people wont give me any. at some point i realize im being followed and that turns into being chased and it gets increasingly more difficult not to trip over people on the ground and everyone is annoyed that im trying to get around them. get caught behind one of the bathrooms and pushed onto the dead grass, punched in the face and i can tell my nose is bleeding bc i can taste it, the guy chasing me pulls my pants off and one of the people standing around watching takes them. at this point my perspective switches from mine to my assailant and i watch him rape me and then drag me over to the bathroom sidewalk/area thing and bash my head against the concrete 😵‍💫😬 sheesh!

t.b.c someday when i remember the other ones better

edit: these are also all dreams that i wrote in my dream journal assigned to me by my psychology professor out of spite bc i was like i dont want to write my dreams they suck and she was like Well You Have To and when i turned it in after like 3 weeks of being late she just wrote 'Yikes! :(' in the margins LMFAO

[sunkibae]

DECODE; eli moskowitz | chapter IV

Pairing: Eli Moskowitz x fem!oc

Warnings: trauma, mentions of death

Word Count: 2557

A/N: Kellys past time!

-> previous chapter

I don't consent this work being copied, translated or reposted

"Kelly," the girl heard a hesitant voice from behind the door of her locker. She closed it and saw Eli, with his usual hunched shoulders and head down.

"Is something wrong?" she asked worriedly, as the boy seemed even more stressed than usual. "Did Kyler bother you again?"

"No, no," he denied and swallowed hard, then gathered himself to look at Kelly. "I'm sorry for what Kyler and Yasmin say about you. If you didn't side with me, they would not do that to you. Maybe it's better if you just don't talk to me anymore."

"That's not an option, Eli. I like you and I'm not going to ignore you just because Yasmin has a problem with that," she shook her head and laughed as if nothing was wrong. "I don't really care what they say. Besides, I prefer that to what Kyler says about Sam."

"And I still think it's my fault," the boy muttered, looking at his hands for a moment. "Wait, Kyler say something about Sam? Aren't they together?"

"It looks like they're not anymore," she shrugged. "I talked to Aisha this morning, Kyler spread it around the whole school that Sam gave him a blow job in the cinema. Pathetic jerk," she explained with a disgusted expression. She didn't believe what people were saying at all and felt really sorry for LaRusso, because she knew the girl would take it more to herself than she did. Still, she had in the back of her mind that she had warned Sam several times, and she didn't listen.

"Kyler is such a creep," Eli muttered, keeping pace with Kelly, who had already started heading to the cafeteria. "Though I'm still sorry for what he did yesterday."

"Oh my God, Eli," the girl turned around sharply and grabbed the boy by the shoulders, forcing him to look her in the eyes. "It's not your fault. You shouldn't be apologizing. Besides, he was talking about me and you, you got dragged into it too."

"For me, what he says wouldn't be embarrassing, but for you, it is," Moskowitz said it so quickly that the girl was barely able understood.

"It wouldn't be embarrassing for me either," she smiled at the blonde jokingly, letting go of his shoulders. The boy's ears turned red, as he looked at Kelly with such shock in his eyes that it amused her. "Just relax already. Come on, let's go to the cafeteria."

<<<<>>>>

"Miguel, I have to admit, you really learn quickly," Kelly laughed, looking at the boy sitting on the floor of her living room.

After Diaz got beaten up at the Halloween dance, Kelly genuinely worried about him. She was concerned about how sometimes he acted without thinking, just charging ahead, she believed that wasn't the point of karate. At the same time, she blamed herself for not being at the dance to help him. Kelly had never been able to defend herself, but she knew that for friends, even against herself, she would use karate to protect them. However, after his fight at school today, she was very impressed. Miguel had quite a talent, considering how quickly he learned so many new things.

"How about a little sparring?" Miguel raised his eyebrows, to which Kelly just shook her head. She glanced at Eli, who was also looking at her expectantly, while Demetri, with headphones on, was intensely focused on playing some game.

"We're curious about what you can do, Kelly," Eli said with a noticeable hope in his voice.

Kelly was happy that he was starting to feel more comfortable around her again. Eli made her feel calm, just calm, which was a rarity for Griffiths. The way he was so gentle made her not feel awkward around him, unlike with most boys. She wanted him to see her in a good light too, not as someone who hung out with the people who bullied him.

"Fine then," she sighed, getting up from the couch. "Get up, Miguel."

She offered him her hand to help him up from the floor. Once he was on his feet, she suddenly grabbed him by the arm and effortlessly threw him to the ground. She giggled, looking at the shocked boys, even Demetrie took his headphones out and stared at them with wide eyes.

"So we're starting right away," said amused Diaz, getting up from the floor. The boy got into a fighting position and looked Kelly straight in the eyes. "Let's do this."

"Just know that I won't go easy on you," Kelly winked at him.

<<<<>>>>

Kelly sat on the floor of her room and pulled out a large plastic box covered in colorful stickers from under her bed. She tapped on it with her nails, staring at the lid. Taking a breath, she opened the box, a slight smile spreading across her face as she pulled out the first item. It was a Gi she received from her father before he passed away. She grabbed the frame with a photo of Kelly with her parents after her last tournament. She was holding the first-place trophy that was currently also at the bottom of the box. A single tear rolled down her cheek, but she still wore a gentle smile on her face.

"Kelly!" her mother's shout pulled the girl out of her sentimental mood. "You have a guest!"

Kelly furrowed her brows, not expecting anyone. She had planned to spend the entire Sunday at home, studying for a math test, which was definitely not her strong suit. She put her things back in the box and pushed it under the bed. Reluctantly, she got up from the floor, and shuffled to the door where her mom was standing. Nancy had already started chatting away and was rambling about how terrible the traffic was around her work.

"Mom, that's enough," the girl sighed as she approached the door, then peeked over her mom's shoulder. Surprise appeared on her face when she saw Eli in the doorway.

"Okay, okay i'm going," the woman put her hands up, backing away from the hallway.

"Eli, what's up?" the blonde asked, scanning him with her eyes. For a moment, she was scared that Kyler might have beaten him up, but she didn't see any cuts or bruises. She opened the door wider, letting the boy inside.

"I'm sorry for dropping by like this, but I want to ask you something," Moskowitz explained, following Kelly into her room. He looked around the space, her room was completely different from his. A ton of pillows and blankets on the bed, a shelve fool of books and a vase with paper mâché flowers on the desk. The space just looked alive and warm. There were also photos on the wall, a few with Sam from when they were younger and some from karate tournaments with her parents but there was one specific picture that caught his attention. It was a selfie that Kelly took at the halloween ball with him, Demetrie and Miguel.

"Come on, sit," she patted the space next to her on the bed. She looked at Eli expectantly, as she wasn't quite sure what else to do.

"Kelly, why did you stop training?" He asked, breaking himself to look her in the eyes.

"Did you come here just to ask me about that?" she replied with a question, followed by a sigh from her lips. "Eli, there are a few things that made me stop. I just can't do it anymore, karate caused too much problems in my life."

"I've never seen you smile so genuinely as yesterday when you agreed to spar with Miguel," Eli lowered his head again, feeling ashamed to admit to Kelly that he noticed something so small about her.

Kelly pulled her knees to her chin and bit her lower lip. She had never been able to open up to anyone about what had happened when she lived in Boston. She didn't want people to see her as bad person. But Eli didn't look at her that way. She never felt like he judged her behavior or anything else about her. When he talked to her, he always had the same calmness and gentleness in his eyes, even if his body seemed tense.

"Do you promise you won't judge me?" she asked with a shaky voice. Eli nodded, but the girl in front of him right now looked so different than the Kelly he knew.

Kelly took a deep breath before she started speaking again. "When I was 13 my dad was diagnosed with stage three cancer. We've done everything to help him and it actually did got better, the doctors said that the worst is behind us." she was breathing heavily between her words. "They were wrong, the cancer recurred and he passed away two years ago."

Kelly said the last sentence on one breath and just stared at the wall the whole time. Eli on the other hand sat there in pure shock. He had no idea what to say, he couldn't even imagine what it must've felt like. When he looked at Kelly, he felt tears form in his eyes. Everything in her body was showing how hurt she was.

"I was broken after that. Even karate couldn't make me feel better. That's when i met Nikolai, he was the new sensei in my dojo. He was hard on me, so hard that sometimes i would come back home with bleeding hands. That was the only thing that made me forget, but it also changed something in me. I became aggressive and started to take out my anger by provoking fights. I would beat up people without a reason, just because someone looked at me the wrong way. I was a bad person Eli."

Moskowitz looked at Kelly with teary eyes. Her eyes were glossy too and her whole body was shaking. He took a deep breath and put his arms around her, he did it so gently as if he thought that she was going to break.

"It wasn't your fault Kelly," he said softly. Eli didn't knew what to say, there actually wasn't much to say. He felt like no matter what he said, nothing was good enough for that situation. "You're a good person, you just got a little lost. Don't let it take away something that you love so much," That was all he said. 

"Thank you," she whispered and leaned her head on his shoulder. She was still shocked that she was able to say all of this out loud. Even Sam didn't knew what exactly happened before she moved here. But with Eli everything felt different, the past few months she spent with him so much time and she never had to beg him to be a good friend. He was just always there, even if he didn't say anything she knew he was by her side. Kelly haven't felt this safe in a while.

<<<<>>>>

"Okay everybody follow in," said Sensei Lawrence, stepping out of his office. He frowned as he looked around the room. "Where is everyone? Crater face? Nose ring? Slingshot?"

"They quit," said Miguel, looking at the floor.

"You're serious?" Johnny didn't look pleased, which made none of the students dare to speak up. "I mean, good. That was a test, I wanted to see who the quitters are. And now you guys, you're in it to win it. You could be at home playing your iComputers, playing your video games, eating candy. Instead, you're here, doing pushups, learning how to fight."

Kelly was there for the first time. After talking to Eli, she reflected on everything that had happened in Boston and knew what to do. Something her dad would be proud of, and returning to karate despite her fear was definitely one of those things. She remembered how much she loved the sport when she was a child, how happy it made her to learn new things with her mom every day when she came home from school. She also remembered the pride in her dad's eyes whenever she won, it seemed to make him happier than it did Kelly herself. So she decided to do it for him.

"Lip! Look!" Sensei Lawrence pointed at Moskowitz. "Even Lip's tougher than those guys. He's no quitter."

"Could you please not call me that?" Eli said. Kelly looked at him with raised eyebrows. She had never heard him set any boundaries with anyone, let alone Johnny Lawrence.

"Excuse me, what?" the man wasn't as pleased with Eli's words.

"I said, could you please not call me that," the blonde repeated, looking at Sensei.

"I'll warm them up, Sensei," Miguel interjected, for which Kelly was grateful because she felt that this situation was going to end badly.

"No, Lip has something he wants to say," Johnny raised his hand, silencing Diaz with a gesture. "Sorry, speak up, Lip. Or is your tongue messed up too? Are you one of those challenged kids?"

"The doctor said I could be on the spectrum," Eli said uncertainly, looking around. Kelly stood right next to him and could swear she felt stressed herself when Lawrence approached the boy.

"I don't know what that is, but get off it pronto. All right?" said Sensei, looking the boy straight in the eyes. "If you don't want me to call you 'Lip,' then don't have a weird lip. Can't you get surgery?"

"I was born with a cleft lip. This is the scar from the surgery," the boy explained.

Kelly made eye contact with Miguel, hoping he could somehow calm Johnny down. But Diaz was silent, just like everyone else, listening to Sensei's monologue, which he continued.

"You wanna be something other than a nerd with a scar on his lip, you gotta flip the script," the man kept talking as if he had an endless supply of insults, and Kelly, listening to him, was getting more worried about Eli. "Get a face tattoo or gouge your eye out. We'll call you Patch. Or don't do that, you would still be a freak."

Eli suddenly moved forward, passing the man, and disappeared into the locker room. Kelly immediately followed him, hoping she could somehow comfort the boy. She knew how much he wanted to be there, he had been encouraging her and Demetrie to come for about two months. She couldn't let him just give up like that because Sensei was harsh.

"Eli?" she peeked through the door and saw the boy slamming the locker doors, already with a backpack on his shoulder. "You can't just give up, you wanted to be here so much."

"You don't get it, Kelly," he looked at her with tears in his eyes, but it wasn't the gentle gaze she knew, she saw something different in his eyes. "Karate won't change shit if I don't get myself together. I have to change or I will always be the kid with a weird lip."

Kelly watched him leave, not knowing what to do. She couldn't help him, he had to figure this out himself because, in reality, only he had the power over what was in his mind. She sighed heavily, returning to the main dojo, really hoping that Eli would manage to pull through all the crap he heard today.

-> next chapter (soon)

[alright-gay-two]

My mom sent me a text with the word "folx" in it and I haven't responded because it's making me want to combust. I cannot think of a polite way to ask her to never send me a gender neutral word with an x thrown in it for no reason ever fucking again because it's making me go feral.

Idk I'm just thinking about when i came out and I didn't want to and everything went to hell and the only thing I asked is that they make an effort to use my pronouns and they said they would try. And then my dad literally never tried (he sent texts to my mom about me that would have they in it like once and she a billion times and my mom would show me and be like see look how HARD he's trying!!!! Like ma'am he's trying to get back on your good side after he fucked up the dogs face and then refused to let you take him to the vet because they would think he's a dog beater ((he was)) so forgive me if I'm not feeling the love for something he's preformatively doing for only you to see) and my mom uses them sometimes and then mostly just says my name a lot and throws a she in there when she's said Katie too much in a sentence. Like you could just use my pronouns like I asked you to when I came out to you 7 years ago instead of sending me words that are already gender neutral but with an x (to be inclusive!!!!! :-) ) so you can feel like you're showing you support me without having to commit to the thing I asked you to do to support me

Anyway its getting me thinking about how I literally never directly tell anyone my pronouns because I don't want to experience being misgendered on purpose and once I break that seal it's like. Cool that you're not putting an effort in. It makes it impossible for me to want to maintain any kind of relationship. But lately there have been people in my life who I'm not expecting to use my pronouns because I've (purposefully) not told them and they've found out through other means and started using them anyway and it feels uh. Really good. Which has me thinking maybe I need to reevaluate my stance on never telling anyone my pronouns directly?? And the more I'm thinking about it the more it's like. Fuck. Did I really let myself get so beaten down by a fear of rejection and disregard for the bare minimum that I've packed it away in a neat little box and tell myself it's fine because no one can hurt me if it's in the box!! :) but at the same time it just feels exhausting to have to bring out my pronouns with every interaction and then hope I don't get hurt. Idk I'm working on uh. Being able to do things that make me uncomfortable with my therapist and like. Trying not to pack everything away as soon as I get nervous that it could potentially hurt me and this feels like something I should be able to advocate for but. It's in the box. The box is safe. I can't be upset with people misgendering me if they don't know they're doing it and everything gets to stay nice and safe and unhurt in the box. Every time I feel my soul shrivel up a bit more I just break it off and put it in the box and it doesn't matter that everyone will always think of me as a girl because the box is redirecting the feeling of rejection that I cannot deal with. The box holds on to all my trust issues and keeps them safe. And this probably has nothing to do with the ongoing issue I have with my parents not using my pronouns after being the only people ive directly told "it is important to me that you put an effort into using my pronouns" and being so shitty when I came out. That one hasn't been able to fit into the box for years now

[kachimera]

Ya know what? Fuck it, posting the ff7 crisis core from another timeline i saw in a dream

Ok so there was some laboratory facility and Genesis was inside it. He's very beaten up and weak, can barely walk, and he slowly approaches Angeal, who looks at him with a sad smile, and tries to slap him in the face multiple times even as the hits are nothing more than small pats.

Then it cuts to the inside of a lab room, Angeal is there sitting silently watching Hojo do procedures and inject mako on an specimen in an operating table. Hojo is being reckless in his procedure and ends up overdosing the specimen so he decides to replace it. It turns out said specimen is Sephiroth, or rather a clone of him (he was replaceable and thats part of why Hojo was being careless). Meanwhile Angeal has to watch all of this (he's also part of the procedure in a way, not sure how) while being unable to do anything. Eventually his purpose on the facility is over and he gets kicked out rather unceremoniously, dropped into the ground and kicked by the guards as they mock him (i dont remember what they said). He has an iv line to a bag of mako, its midday, he's on a dry dirt road surrounded by vegetation with the facility behind him. He lays on his side as he says "im not afraid of dying"

Then i tried to look up more of it (yes now it was as if it was a screen and i was watching media, idk dream logic)  and found a video of the game. It had Zack looking to the side on title screen, with a white wing and a romboid behind him (both this shape and the bg are green colored). The video was a letsplayer w a gal's voice who started talking about it as she opened the menu (cant remember her words) and around there i woke up.

Notes: -sometimes dreams for me got this daydream like quality and the beginning of this one was no exception

-Mako was never mentioned but if i see a weird funny green fluid in my ff7 themed dream i assume its mako)