#i say “wow such a good skit” but it got 1 chuckle out of me LMAOO

[sweetnnaivete]

ariana grande and timothee chalamet single-handedly bringing back funny snl skits

[douxbebearchives]

Olitz Secret Santa: Hot For Teacher

Prompt #1 - Secret Santa time at the office holiday party… Olivia has Fitz and tries to find out what he likes by asking his co-workers and friends. She discovers that he likes her in the process.

"Wow" he whispered reverently. "This is ...Wow! It's great. Thank you so much, Liii...Olivia."

Olivia smiled at him and replied, "you're welcome." She was glad to know that Fitz liked his gift and grateful that he had kept the thanks professional. Things had been anything but professional between them the night before. As she stared at him admiring his gift flashes of their time together at his place popped into her mind.

Wild open mouth kisses up against a wall. His hands eagerly wandering over every inch of her exposed skin. His baritone voice whispering sexy dirty words to her in the dark and commanding her to let go. If she closed her eyes and thought about it hard enough, she could feel his mouth on various parts of her body as he brought her to a loud release again and again. She felt a flush of warmth rush to her cheeks as she remembered their time together not even twenty four hours ago and avoided eye contact with him for fear that he could read her mind.

It had all started two weeks ago when the elementary school principal told all thirty three teachers that it was time once again to draw names for the Christmas party. There were lots of groans heard in the school library at the pre school starting hour, but the complainers knew there was no way to get out of it. Drawing names was a tradition and a good way to meet teachers you might not otherwise be familiar with.

The principal also enlightened her faculty that the day before the students were released for the Christmas break, all of her teachers would participate in the talent show. The groaning grew louder. She explained that everyone needed to be in a group of at least four but no bigger than twelve and come up with a skit to perform in front of all of the students.

It was only Olivia's second year at the school, so she didn't know a lot of the teachers. She sat in her chair and watched everyone else choose people for their groups. She felt like the last kid picked for a team sport in gym. Still she sat there.

A few minutes later, amid the chaos of adults scrambling to become part of a group, she felt a hand tap her on the shoulder. She looked to her right and saw the most handsome man she had ever laid eyes on looking intently at her. He was a little older than she was, but he appeared to take really good care of himself. "Hi." he said.

"Hi." she replied.

"Would you like to join our group? Please? We need one more to make it an even dozen." he explained.

"That's a big group! What are you planning to do for the talent show? Play musical chairs?"

He chuckled and sat down in the tiny chair beside her meant for an elementary school booty. "No. Actually, we are going to do a teacher version of the twelve days of Christmas. Are you interested?"

This man not only looked good, he smelled good. Heavenly. Some clean, manly, sexy scent that instantly filled Olivia's nostrils and made thinking difficult. Well, except for thoughts of licking his great smelling skin. She had no idea what he was talking about and tried to focus on what he was saying. "Uhhh, why not? At least if I'm embarrassed, I'll be part of a big group."

"Exactly. I'm Fitz by the way. Or Mr. Grant. Whichever you prefer." He extended his long hand toward her.

She slid her hand into his much larger one, feeling a spark of electricity run through them. She wondered if he felt it too and looked into his eyes for a clue that he did. Seeing nothing, she pumped his hand a few times. His hand was soft and warm. "Olivia. Nice to meet you Fitz."

"Nice to meet you too, Olivia. Come and meet everyone in our group." She stood up and Fitz put his hand on her back, guiding her to where everyone was standing around talking. "I found our twelfth. Everyone, this is Olivia. Olivia, this is...everyone."

One by one they introduced themselves to her. Olivia smiled and repeated her name to each one of them. A few of the faces were familiar, but not all of them. They were a good mixture of teachers from all three of the grades taught at the elementary school. They all seemed like a fun group too. Olivia was more than a little excited to be involved now.

"So, we thought it would be fun to do the twelve days of Christmas from the student's point of view. It would be things that our students say to us at Christmas time." One of them explained.

The one doing the explaining was greeted by more than a few confused faces.

She was just about to explain her idea for the talent show when she was interrupted by the principal loudly stating they had two minutes to wrap it up. "Everyone write down your name and I will email you as soon as this meeting is over. We will meet up at a restaurant one day this week and all of us will go to dinner together and I'll explain the plan. It'll be a better way to get to know each other too. Are you all okay with that?" Everyone nodded and wrote their names down on a piece of notebook paper.

"Okay people. Let's all settled down now. It's time to draw names for the Christmas party. The party itself will be the day the student's get out for Christmas break. That way we can all fly through it and leave as soon as the busses are gone so you can begin your own break." she explained.

That brought cheering from everyone.

She was handed a stainless steel travel mug with the school emblem on it by her secretary. "Inside this cup are the names of every teacher in this school. Choose one name when I get to you. Please look at the name you draw immediately. If you end up choosing your own name, let me know so you can choose another name. The spending limit is twenty-five dollars for a gift. As teachers, you are very resourceful with making money stretch. Figure out a way to do the same thing with the spending limit you've been given. Get creative. If you don't know the person whose name you have drawn, find out things about them from their co-workers. Once you have gotten a name not your own, you are free to leave the meeting."

Olivia sat beside her newfound friends and watched as small white slips of paper were pulled from the cup. When her boss stood in front of her, Olivia reached one of her tiny hands into the cup and pulled one out. She opened the folded piece of paper and read the name neatly typed inside.

Fitzgerald Grant

She wanted to look over at him but knew that would give everything away. Instead, she folded the paper back up and smiled at her boss before grabbing her bag and quietly walking out of the library. She was halfway up the hall when larger rushing footsteps caught up with her. "Did you get the name of someone you know?" a familiar voice asked.

It was Fitz.

"Ummm, sort of."

He smiled at her. "Same. I've got to figure out what to get for the person who appears to have it all."

His voice was deep and rich and was doing things to her. Still, she wanted to talk to him some more. Maybe he would reveal some things about himself that would make purchasing him a gift a little easier. "Those are hard people to buy for. Good luck with that." She genuinely felt bad for him for being in that situation.

"Are you going to go to dinner with the group?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Yea. I think it would be fun. And it would get me out of the house too."

"I don't think Amanda mentioned it, but we can bring our husbands or wives with us if we want to. I think you left before she said that?" He was fishing for information about Olivia and this seemed like the best way to do it. He could always tell Mandy to include that in her group email this morning to cover his ass.

"Oh. That doesn't matter. I don't have a husband."

"I'm sure you could bring your boyfriend if you asked her?" It was his pathetic last chance of finding out if she was single.

He was looking for information. Olivia wondered about that for a few seconds before saying, "no boyfriend either. It's just me I'm afraid." She could have sworn she heard him sigh.

"Me too. It kind of sucks this time of year, huh?"

"Not really. I can watch all the sappy Christmas movies whenever I want to. I can buy whatever kind of food I like. I don't have to stay in a constant mood of being stressed out the entire month of December because I have to buy a man's parents the perfect Christmas gift. Being single at Christmastime has a lot of advantages." she explained.

Fitz nodded as they continued walking. "Those are great points. I guess it's all how you look at it. I've got to get to class. Pop quiz is happening this morning and I've got to get everything together. See you around, Livvie."

"Bye, Fitz." She watched him walk away, noticing how his gray dress pants clung to his superior ass. It wasn't until he was out of sight that she realized that he called her Livvie instead of Olivia. She would have to pick that apart in the privacy of her own home after school and with a large glass of wine. For now, she had to get to class herself.

At lunchtime, Olivia ran into Amanda. The two of them discussed the group dinner plans and Amanda let her know where the twelve of them would be going two nights from today. She rattled off the name of a restaurant and Olivia knew where it was and said she'd see her there.

The night of the dinner Olivia was at home trying to figure out what to wear. Should she keep it casual with jeans and a sweater? Or dress up a little? She looked out the window and saw that it was snowing lightly. Jeans and a sweater it is! She pulled on a pair of black boots, put her arms into her coat, grabbed her purse and walked out the door. She was going to be early but that was better than being the last one to show up.

She found Amanda in the parking lot and the two women walked inside chatting about their day. Within fifteen minutes everyone in their group had shown up and were talking in the lobby as they waited to be shown to their table. Finally, the waitress led the way to a long rectangular table in the center of the room. People started sitting, not bothering with asking where they should sit. "Do you mind if I sit here?"

Fitz looked up and saw Olivia pointing to the empty chair beside him. His heart skipped a beat for some reason, and he shook his head back and forth. "No, that would be great." He even stood up and pulled the chair out for her.

"Thank you." she said with a smile.

The waitress took everyone's order and drinks were brought out as bubbly laughter and excited conversations were in full swing. Fitz kindly reintroduced Olivia to the people sitting closest to them. Olivia noted that no one had brought their significant others and thought that was interesting.

Somewhere over the meal, Amanda explained how their skit in the talent show would work. There was a lot of excited laughter by nearly everyone at the table over the idea. The talent show wasn't a competition, but they all agreed quite loudly that their skit would win the grand prize if it was.

The meal wound down and people began to trickle away from the table to pay their bill and head for home. Fitz and Olivia were the last two left at the table after bidding goodnight to their co-workers. "I should head for home too. It's a school night after all." Fitz said smiling.

Olivia glanced at her watch. "It's only six thirty" she chuckled.

"Are you calling me old?" he asked with mock surprise.

"Noooooo" she giggled. "I'm just saying six thirty isn't exactly bed time for adults."

"Did you have something else in mind?" he asked. He knew his questions seemed forward and he tried to fix it before she thought that he was suggesting a night of wild sex. Not that he would say no to that. "What I mean is...what do you do on a typical school night?"

"I know what you meant. I'm just going to ask this, and please don't read anything into it, okay?"

She seemed nervous. Fitz found that sexy as hell for some reason. "Sure" he replied.

"Would you like to join me for a cup of coffee at my house?" She slid her credit card into her wallet when the waitress returned with it and waited for him to answer her. Olivia told herself that she was getting to know him better, like her boss had suggested. If she happened to learn more about his likes to aid in her Christmas buying, then so be it.

"Coffee would be great." He stood up and pulled out her chair. "Shall we?"

She smiled at him. "We shall."

Olivia was constantly looking into the rearview mirror in her car to make sure Fitz was still behind her as they drove to her place. Thoughts of him behind her in another way altogether popped into her head and once the imagery was there, it was difficult to get rid of it. It was difficult to focus on driving too, but she did her best and only swerved once. Once they reached her house, she pulled into her driveway and he pulled in behind her and turned off his lights. She grabbed her purse and headed for the front door.

"Cute house." He commented as they walked together.

"Thanks. It's not much but I don't need much since it's just me." She unlocked the door and he followed her inside.

"Another perk of living alone?" he asked and focused on her face when she flipped the light on.

"Yup." She took off her coat, hanging it up and watched as Fitz followed suit. She started making her way into the kitchen. "You want regular or unleaded?" she called out.

"W...What?"

She chuckled at him. "Do you want regular or decaffeinated coffee? You know, this late hour and all? I wouldn't want to be responsible for keeping you up at night."

Fitz mumbled something she didn't quite hear.

"What was that?"

"I said regular is fine. Thank you." He was glad that she hadn't heard him say that thoughts of her had kept him awake more than once already this week. He watched her fill the carafe halfway with water and then begin measuring out spoons of the heavenly smelling brown granules. "Where are your coffee cups and I'll get them?"

"Second cabinet. Bottom shelf."

He chuckled, the sound echoing throughout her house. "Bottom shelf huh? I wonder why?"

Olivia turned the coffee maker on and put her hands on her hips, shooting him a challenging look. "I can reach the top shelf, but since I'm an avid coffee drinker, I choose to keep the mugs on the bottom one."

Fitz looked up at the top shelf and then back over to Olivia. "You can reach the top shelf? That top shelf up there?"

"Absolutely I can."

"I would love to see that." He left the cabinet door open and took two steps back.

"Fine. But you get to pour coffee while I sit on the couch when I do touch it." She walked over to the counter and put both hands and a knee on it. Using her hands, she pushed down bringing her body up on top of the counter.

"That is cheating!" Fitz said chuckling.

She stood up on the counter and looked down at him. "I never said I didn't cheat. I only said I could touch the top shelf." She reached a hand up and tapped the top shelf with a defiant smirk on her face.

"Okay. You proved your point. Get down before you break your neck." He kept his eye on her to make sure she didn't.

Olivia sat down on the counter and was about to jump to the floor when her sock covered foot slipped on the slick surface. "Ohhh shit!" She was headed toward the floor when Fitz caught her in his arms.

He held onto her and set her back on top of the counter on her ass. He moved closer so he was standing between her legs as he looked at her. Olivia was looking back at him with wide eyes as her heart pounded in her chest. In the movies, this would be a perfect moment for a kiss.

But this wasn't a movie. It was real life.

"Are you okay?" he asked with genuine concern in his voice.

"I'm fine. Thanks for catching me. If you hadn't, I might have gotten a busted lip."

He wanted to do a whole hell of a lot more than catch her, but Fitz figured it was a good starting place. He took a step back from her. "That. Was a close one. Why don't you go sit down and I'll pour the coffee?"

"Good idea. Since you lost the bet. Thanks." She hoped down and walked into the living room on wobbly legs. She plopped down on the sofa and pulled a small square pillow onto her lap. That had been a close one. What in the hell had she been thinking? She got herself together while he poured the coffee and asked what she had in hers.

The two of them were sitting on the sofa a few minutes later, sipping their coffee and discussing the skit. "I think it will be a lot of fun and I also think the kids will get a kick out of it too."

"I agree. They are gonna love it." Olivia said. "Are you all done with your Christmas shopping?"

"I was. Until we drew names at work this week."

"Still no luck or ideas about what to get for the person whose name you have?" she asked.

"No idea. What about you? Have you gotten anything for the person you kinda know?"

"Nope. I'm afraid I'm going to have to go to this person's co-workers to find out what they like. I hope they can give me some good suggestions." She needed to veer the subject off of the secret Santa topic before he asked her whose name she had drawn.

"Where do you like to go shopping?" he asked.

"Well, as a female, I like to go..."

"Don't say the mall!" he pleaded.

"...to the mall." she finished with a smile.

"The mall is a terrible place to go shopping."

"What? No, it is not! Why do you say that?"

"It takes a half hour to find a place to park the damned car. Then you gotta walk around at least ten miles to find the perfect gift for someone."

"Ten miles?" she asked. She was laughing at him and instinctively her hand reached over and touched his. "Who in the hell do you go to the mall with?"

He noticed her touch but said nothing. He gave her a doubt filled look. "No one goes into the mall, visits one store, and then leaves. It doesn't happen!"

"The mall is so much fun. I love to people watch, window shop, and naturally buy things too. It's great."

"How can you stand it, Livvie?"

There was that name again. The name no one had ever called her before. She decided to ask him about it. "Why do you call me Livvie instead of Olivia?"

Fitz was caught off guard by the question and was quiet for a few moments. His shoulder lifted slightly before he answered. "I don't know. It just...suits you. Would you rather I didn't call you that?"

"No, it's fine." she said quietly. "No one has ever called me that before."

He touched her hand and slowly rubbed circles on it. "I'm glad you're okay with it." He saw her flick her eyes to their hands. "Are you okay with me doing that?"

It felt soothing somehow, to have his skin touching hers. The dark thoughts of him touching all of her skin with all of his sprang to the forefront of her mind and caused her breathing to become slightly labored. She tried shaking the thoughts off, swallowed once, and answered him saying, "yes."

Fitz felt like this was his moment. He set his empty mug down on the coffee table followed by hers, his hand never letting go of hers. He turned to her on the sofa and said, "Can I kiss you, Livvie?"

So, it wasn't just her feeling it! He was feeling it too. That certainly changed things. Olivia licked her suddenly parched lips and replied with a wordless, "mmmhmm."

She watched him slowly move in her direction. His free hand moved up to her cheek where he caressed the skin there just before his lips touched hers in the softest kiss you could ever imagine. His lips were soft too, and he took his time sampling her plump ones, even sucking on her bottom lip for a moment. Her hands found their way around his neck while Fitz pulled Olivia onto his lap and held her tight in his arms.

The kiss grew much more intense the moment her mouth opened, and his tongue slid inside. He groaned into her mouth and felt her tiny hands cling to him. The way he was feeling was very much like being intoxicated. Some of his senses were blurry while others seemed super sharp. All he knew was he never wanted this moment to end.

Olivia could get lost in the feeling of being held in his arms like this. He was all muscle and testosterone, yet full of polite eagerness. She came to her senses enough to realize that his hands were no longer on her hand and cheek. They had wandered much further south, and what kind of girl must he think that she is if she let this continue after only knowing him for a few days?

She broke the kiss abruptly and cleared her throat before moving back onto her own couch cushion.

Fitz looked confused. "I'm sorry. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, not at all. I just felt like I was going to sneeze." She lied. She wiggled her nose a few times. "But I think it's passed now."

Fitz smiled and began to move closer to her, but Olivia put her hand on his chest and said, "it's getting late. We should probably call it a night since we both have early mornings tomorrow?"

He could take a hint. Even if he didn't want to. Fitz stood up and stretched. "Yea, you're right. I should get going." He retrieved his coat and scarf and began putting them on while Olivia watched. "Thank you for the coffee. I'll see you at school tomorrow." He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "Nite, Livvie."

"Goodnight, Fitz." Olivia walked him to the door and watched him walk outside into the cold. She closed the door and gently touched the cheek he had kissed. His smell lingered in the air and she found herself taking a deep breath.

The next ten days were a blur of constant activity. Between classes, end of year tests, practices for the talent show, and Christmas shopping, everything was in constant motion. It was why Olivia wasn't sleeping at night. At least, that's what she was telling herself. In reality though it was Fitz. He was always in her head. His smile. His voice. His kiss. It was a lot.

She lay in bed recalling her conversation earlier that day with teachers who taught on the same hall that Fitz did. "Hey! Rebecca, right?" Olivia asked.

"That's right. Good memory. How are you today? I'm sorry but I can't remember your name. I'm terrible with names though so it's nothing personal." Rebecca explained.

"Yea, no worries. I'm great, thank you."

"What are you doing on the fifth grade side of town?" Rebecca joked.

Olivia looked around quickly and then leaned a little closer and whispered. "I need some help."

"Oh?" Rebecca whispered back. "What kind of help?"

"Well, I have drawn Mr. Grant's name and I have no idea what he likes or is into. In other words, I don't know what to buy for him and time is running out."

Rebecca smiled. "Ahhhh, okay. Well, as luck would have it, I had his name last year."

"Holy shit! Really? That's amazing!" Olivia whispered excitedly. "What did you buy him?"

"I got him a subscription to family handyman."

Olivia shot her fellow teacher a funny look.

"He said he loved it. Read every issue cover to cover more than once."

"That'ssssss great! I'm sure he did love it." Olivia wondered if there was any truth to that information? She was not going to take the chance that he didn't and buy him another subscription though. She had to get the hell away from this woman and find someone who could actually help though. "Thank you."

"Yea, no problem. I'm going to go grab some lunch from the cafeteria though. You wanna come with me?" She offered.

"No thanks. I brought a sandwich to eat in my classroom. Thanks though. For the offer and the help."

"You're welcome. See you around."

"Hey! Stop running guys!" A voice behind Olivia called out.

She turned around and saw another teacher talking to a few students who appeared to be racing down the long hallway. He smiled at her. "Hey. I'm sorry. I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with Miss Switzer."

Olivia nodded.

"A word to the wise? Don't buy Fitz that magazine."

Olivia grinned at him. "And why's that? It sounds like the perfect gift."

"Right. For a do it yourselfer."

"And that's not Fiii...Mr. Grant?" she corrected smoothly. "I'm sorry, but I don't know your name yet."

She was fooling anyone. Changing the subject was a nice touch. He had to give her credit for being able to think on her toes. He extended his hand. "Vic Coggins."

Olivia's eyebrows went up. "You're Mr. Coggins?"

"You sound surprised? Like I'm not living up to whatever it is that you've heard about me. So, what'd you hear?" he asked with a grin.

"I'll never tell." she said grinning back.

"Do you want me to tell you what it is that Fitz would like to get for Christmas?" he asked confidently.

"Yes please."

"Fitz is into books."

"Books?" Olivia asked skeptically.

"Yup. Books. He has a mini library at his house. Your best bet is to just go over there and see what he has and what he doesn't have." Mr. Coggins said cockily.

Olivia crossed her arms in front of her chest and quietly asked, "and how do I do that? Dress up as a house painter or exterminator, rent one of those cool plain white vans and get him to let me inside so I can take a look around?"

Mr. Coggins grinned nodding. "The exterminator thing is a little overdone if you ask me, but yea, something like that."

She chuckled and touched his arm just as Fitz stepped out into the hall to take his class to lunch. His eyes zeroed in on Olivia touching his co-worker and he sent her a tight smile. Olivia caught his eye and dropped her hand immediately. She wondered why she felt guilty for doing something so innocent? She cleared her throat and said, "Hi, Fitz."

"Olivia." he replied curtly. "What brings you by the fifth grade hall today?"

"I was needing some advice on a home repair and struck up a conversation with Vic."

Mr. Coggins chuckled beside her and said, "you're terrible. It was nice to meet you though, Olivia."

"You too." Olivia replied smiling.

Fitz watched his only other male co-worker walk away and then focused his attention back to the small beautiful woman standing in front of him. She looked very pretty today wearing a red dress and black boots. The look resembled a modern day Mrs. Claus. He instantly wanted to kiss her again. They were standing there staring at each other lost in their own thoughts when he finally blurted out, "where's your class?"

Thank god he had spoken up. Thoughts of sitting on his lap and kissing him had invaded her mind. She had to get those mental pictures out of her head while she was at work. "Uhhhh, library. They are buying things in the Santa store and my parapro offered to stay with them so I could go get some coffee."

Fitz looked at her empty hands but said nothing. "Mine are going down there after lunch."

"Can we go to lunch now, Mr. Grant?" one of his kids impatiently asked. "We're starving."

"Yea go ahead. But behave yourselves!" he warned as they rushed towards the cafeteria. Trying to sound casual, he looked at Olivia and said, "you look nice today."

"Thank you. Tis the season to wear red." The truth was she wanted to get his attention and was glad it had worked.

"We just have to get through the rest of this week and then we are free for two weeks." he sighed. Maybe thoughts of her wouldn't constantly plague his mind if he didn't see her every day? He knew that was as unlikely as Christmas Day being hit with a front as hot as the Sahara Desert, but it was good to hope.

"I am so ready for staying up late and sleeping in later." Olivia admitted.

He smiled at her. "Can I walk with you to get coffee? I could use a cup myself."

"Yea, of course." she replied and the two of them fell into step side by side.

"Have you bought your gift for the name you..." His words were cut off as Olivia suddenly grabbed his hand and pulled him into a dark room. She shut the door behind them and turned to look up at him. They were in the janitor's closet and he had no idea why. "What the hell are we doing in here?"

She never answered his question. She just stood there looking up at him silently. The heavenly smell of his cologne filled the room. Even in this small darkened space his blue eyes sparkled. How was that possible? Why did he have to be so fucking sexy all of the time? She wanted him like she had never wanted another man before.

"Livvie?" Fitz said quietly. It appeared that a thousand things were going through her mind right now, but he didn't have a clue what half of them were. The other half seemed pretty transparent as she looked at his mouth and licked her lips. He wondered if she was waiting for his permission? Or an invitation? Or if she was trying to talk herself out of whatever mysterious things she planned to do to him in the confines of this small space? He wasn't going to give her time for that. "Whatever it is, just do it."

She instantly sprang into action. Using all of her strength Olivia roughly pushed him up against the wall, knocking over a mop in the process, and attached her lips to his. She had missed his lips being on hers and had been fooling herself to thinking she hadn't. They felt as great as she remembered.

Fitz's arms quickly came around her waist and he held her tightly and gave as good as he got. Her body felt amazing and he wanted nothing more than to get it undressed and underneath his. For now, though he would settle for steaming kisses in the janitor's closet. Olivia's tongue slithered into his mouth to dance with his. Fuck, she was anxious though! He gripped her tighter and hoisted her up into his arms. Her legs came around him and her pretty red dress was up around her waist. Fitz took advantage of the moment and griped her tight little ass. That just made him want her even more. He groaned into her mouth.

His skilled tongue probed inside her mouth, making her want to know what it would feel like probing elsewhere. His hands kneaded her clothing covered flesh and made her want to get undressed for him. His heavy breathing told her that he was just as much into it as she was. She opened her eyes to peek at him.

And remembered that they were in a closet. At work. Feeling incredibly embarrassed, Olivia pulled her legs from around Fitz's waist with wide eyes.

Fitz felt her release her grip on him and opened his eyes to see humiliation on her face. "Don't do that." he whispered. "Not this time."

"Fitz, we are at work." she said in a panicked voice. "Put me down please."

He did as she requested but said, "I don't care."

"Well, you should! Anyone could open this door at any time. Like a student!" She straightened out her dress, shocked that she had practically dragged him in here in the first place.

He turned around and took a moment to adjust his hardening crotch. When he faced Olivia once again, she had her hand on the doorknob. He put his hand on top of hers. "Come to my place tonight. I want to see how well we fit together."

She chuckled. "Is that supposed to be a pun?"

He dipped his head to her neck and began planting little kisses along her collar bone. Fitz grinned when he felt her body begin to melt into his as Olivia craned her head away from his, giving him better access. He swiped his tongue across her soft skin and made a trail to her ear where he whispered, "mmmm," he growled. "There's only one way to find out."

Olivia spun around in his arms and attached her lips to his in a feverish kiss. A bell sounded in the hall outside the door and she broke the kiss. "Text me your address."

"That's not how this works." he explained.

Olivia gave him a confused look.

"I will pick you up at your place. Sayyyyy around six?"

Olivia nodded, still confused.

"And then I will bring you back home later on. It's how gentlemen operate." he informed her.

Olivia touched her lips to his once again, sliding her tongue into his mouth.

"But you...you make me forget that I am a gentleman."

She giggled at his candor. "Go to class, Fitz."

"Just one more kiss." he whispered through a grin and leaned down pecking her lips. "God, I love your mouth."

"Go!" she urged him. "Or you're gonna be late."

"Please be wearing this dress when I pick you up. I'm dying to take it off of you." he admitted.

Olivia shook her head grinning and opened the door.

She was putting the finishing touches on her make-up when a knock was heard from her front door. Olivia grinned at the reflection of herself in the mirror, knowing full well who it was. She dropped the lip pencil, knowing it was useless to have put it and the lipstick on in the first place, and went to answer the door.

Fitz was impatiently waiting outside of Olivia's door. It was seventeen degrees outside, but he hadn't even noticed the cold. The anticipation of getting Olivia to his house was enough to keep his blood overheated. The moment she opened the door, still wearing the red dress, he couldn't keep the grin off his face.

Olivia stepped back and told Fitz to come in so she could grab her coat and purse. The moment he stepped inside though, he put his hands on her waist, pushed the door closed, and captured her mouth in an intense toe curling kiss. He released her and said, "hi."

"Holy fuck. Hi to you too." she said as she opened her eyes.

He chuckled at her bluntness. "Let me help you with your coat and then we should go."

He unlocked his own front door fifteen minutes later and stepped in after Olivia. Fitz took her coat, hung it up, and showed her to the living room. "Would you like something to drink?" he offered.

"No, thank you." Olivia declined as she sat down in a chair.

Fitz put on some music that seemed to play throughout the house. Something slow and sexy. "You can't sit there." Fitz told her after watching her sit in a plush chair.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know. Where should I sit? The sofa?"

Fitz took her hand and pulled her towards the sofa and onto his lap. "This is your spot."

He was being awfully cute. "It is huh?"

He cupped her cheek and traced her lips with his thumb. "MmmHmm. Are you comfortable?"

Two could be cute. Olivia ground her ass into his crotch. "Very. Thank you."

Fitz's eyes practically crossed. "What made you pull me into that closet earlier?"

"I wanted to see if your beautiful blue eyes glow in the dark."

He smiled at her before leaning close and tracing the seam of her lips with his tongue. "Is that a fact?"

Olivia's head was already getting hazy. Her breathing was already getting heavier. This was going to be a long night. She nodded slowly.

Fitz dipped his head to her neck and began lightly sucking on the skin there. He sucked on her earlobe and asked, "So...do they?"

Fuck! What was he saying? She couldn't comprehend anything other than what his mouth was doing to her neck. "Hmmm?"

Fitz kissed his way from her ear to the corner of her mouth. Olivia turned her head to try to become involved in the kissing, but he pulled his head away from her and gave her a lopsided smile. "I asked if they do? Glow in the dark?"

"No. They don't. They are just boring blue eyes." she informed him in an unconcerned voice.

"These boring blue eyes are going to look at every inch of your incredibly gorgeous body tonight." He leaned close and touched his lips to hers, noticing that she immediately put her arms around his neck and opened her mouth for his tongue to slide inside. His grip on her became more possessive as the kiss became more intense.

She broke the kiss and Fitz was in her neck in an instant. She couldn't stop herself from writhing as he licked and sucked on her skin. "My mouth is going to taste all of you, Livvie. I am going to make you scream my name while I do."

She was well on her way to screaming his name just listening to what he wanted to do to her. If he was priming the pump, she was well on her way to exploding. She was about to tell him as much, when he suddenly stood up and reached a hand down for her to take. Confused, Olivia accepted it.

"Are you sure you don't want anything to drink? Have you had dinner yet? I could go into the kitchen and whip us up some..."

"Fitz?" she said, interrupting him.

"Yes?"

"I'm hungry, but not for food. I'm here for you to work my body over in as many creative ways as you can imagine because I want you just as much as you want me. Turn off the gentleman for the next few hours and fuck me up. The safe word is defiance."

He lifted one eyebrow. "Is that a character definition?"

Shegrinned at him. "No. Well, yes. But it's the name of the county in Ohio where I grew up. You're talking too much."

Fitz growled in his throat and backed her up against the wall, much like Olivia had done to him earlier in the day. He gripped her chin and kissed her hard. This kiss was nothing like any of their previous ones. This was primal, hungry, and anxious. She grabbed two fistfuls of his hair and reveled in his mouth assaulting hers. His hands roughly ran all over Olivia's body, stopping every so often to squeeze her skin.

Just as she was getting into this side of him, Fitz stopped. His hair was wildly going in every direction, his lips were slightly swollen, and he had a predatory determined look on his face. It was one of the sexiest things she had ever seen.

He put his hand on her stomach and said, "you stay right there and don't move. Or else."

"Or else what?" she just had to know.

"Move and you'll find out." he warned in a low voice.

It made her want to move instead of stay put. Olivia watched him get on his knees in front of her and lift the front of her red dress up to her waist. He breathed out one word almost reverently at the sight of her in her red lace panties. "Fuuuucccccck."

Olivia smiled down at the top of his head, happy in the knowledge that she had chosen well when she got home from work and changed her underclothing for something a little sexier. She wondered how long he would be mesmerized by them when she suddenly felt a harsh tug and heard a ripping sound. Olivia looked down to see his two hands gripping her once pretty now ripped to shreds panties. "What the hell was that all about?" She asked in a loud voice and taking a step closer to him.

Fitz put his hand firmly back on her stomach and pushed her back into place up against the wall. "I told you to stay put."

"If that's all you're gonna do when I move then I really don't care. Why did youuuuuuu..." The air was sucked from her lungs as Fitz leaned closely and ran his tongue along her center. Her legs almost buckled and she had to grip his head to keep from falling.

He pulled away quickly and looked up at her with a smirk. "You were saying?"

Olivia smirked back at him and moved again.

She heard him mumble, "smartass. I can't even enjoy the fucking view first." He stood up and threw her over his shoulder, causing her to shriek loudly. He smacked her ass sharply and carried her to his bedroom.

Once he had her there, Fitz set her on her feet and his long fingers reached behind Olivia's back and unzipped her dress while their mouths stayed fused together. She stepped out of the dress and was left standing in her red lace bra and black boots. Mrs. Claus my ass Fitz thought. No wonder Santa delivered everything in one night. He couldn't stand the thought of being away from his woman for longer than that.

Olivia made quick work of getting rid of Fitz's shirt.

"You're getting awfully handsy all of a sudden." He commented and spun her around, so her back was up against his chest and they were both facing his large bed. He moved her hair out of the way and dipped his head back into her neck, remembering the way her body responded the last time he was there. He got a surprise of his own when he felt small hands touching his belt and begin to unbuckle it. He looked down saying, "what the hell...?"

Olivia looked at him from over her shoulder. "You're taking entirely too long. I thought I'd help out."

"Go ahead and finish the job." he said mildly and watched her do so.

It made Olivia think maybe he had gone back to his passive ways. That was a mistake. The moment she finished with his belt Fitz grabbed both of her hands in one of his much larger ones and held them captive. His free hand went to her spine where he flicked open the clasp of her bra and none too gently pushed her face first into the mattress and held her there for a moment. "I swear to god, Livvie. If you move from that spot it will be so much worse for you than it's already going to be."

"I'm as naked as the day I was born, my ass is in the air, and my hands are being held hostage by you. How much worse could it really get at this point? I'm beginning to think that you are just full of empty threats." She chuckled lightly and started to stand up.

Fitz lined himself up to her opening and drove himself fully inside of her.

"Ohmygod!" She screamed and halted her movements.

"You...were saying?" he asked in a strained voice. "Something about empty threats?"

"Fuck, you are huge!"

"Do you need a minute?" He waited exactly two seconds and added, "you're not getting one." His hands went to her hips where he gripped her tightly, knowing she would have bruises but not caring. He listened but never heard the three syllabled safe word come from her mouth, and assumed she was enjoying his rougher side.

She felt amazing. Amazing wasn't a strong enough word for what she felt like, but all other words had escaped his brain at the moment. The two of them fit together perfectly and Fitz had no intentions of their joining ending any time soon. He just had to keep it together until they both found their explosive happy ending.

"Don't...ever...stop!" Olivia begged. "I need more."

"More?" Fitz asked. Where had this woman been his whole life?

"MORE! Faster and...Oh god...HARDER!"

Fitz picked up the pace and started rapidly thrusting his hips, watching as part of his body disappeared inside part of hers. It was such a turn on for him to see. His grip became harder and his thrusting followed suit.

The sounds coming from Olivia were almost inhuman. At times Fitz wondered if he was hurting her and at other times, he worried she wasn't enjoying herself. Her panting grew shallower and her hands had a death grip on the sheet. He assumed that she was close to losing it and kept going.

After a few more minutes, she still hadn't reached her peak. Fitz reached around to her center and began rubbing furious circles on her bundle of nerves. "Let go! Right fucking now, Livvie!" he commanded.

It was all too much for her to hold back any longer and Olivia sobbed out his name. He gave her no time for her body to come down from the high place it had just jumped from. He continued hammering into her until he quickened his furious pace, grunted, and jumped too. He dropped down onto his bed like felled timber.

He and Olivia were both breathing heavily and neither one of them were moving at all. The only sound in the room was the two of them gasping for air like oxygen starved geriatric patients. "That was absolutely fucking phenomenal."

Fitz turned his head in her direction and grinned. He reached a hand out to her and she slithered over and curled herself into his side. "It really was." she agreed. "Who would have ever thought that Mr. Grant is a sexual artist full of sexy threats?" She grinned at him before pressing her lips to his. "I can hardly wait for round two."

"That is gonna have to wait just a few minutes." he replied grinning back. He ran his hand up and down her hip. "Who would have ever thought that Miss Pope was packing this sexy little body underneath all of those pretty clothes? Seriously, your body is perfection."

Olivia picked her head and said, "that ginormous gift you just shared with me needs its own zip code!"

"I'm going to get a drink. Do you want anything?" he asked.

"I'm kind of hungry now that you mention it."

Fitz propped his head on his open palm and said, "I thought you were hungry but not for food?"

"Shut up and feed me." she giggled.

Fitz threw her the button up dress shirt he had worn to work that day. Olivia put it on, but it was way too big on her small frame. He rolled up the sleeves for her and informed her she could only do up one button on the shirt. She chose the very bottom one to keep his eyes from roaming over her body. Unfortunately, her top half kept randomly poking out of the front of the shirt, giving Fitz plenty to look at and touch and even taste.

Fitz cooked some kind of pasta meal while Olivia wandered his house in his shirt. She found his book collection and was surprised at the number of them that he owned. She picked a few of them up from his bookshelves and looked them over. A few that she looked at were signed by the author, there was a first edition, as well as other various things that made the books special to him for whatever reason. Olivia realized that giving him the gift of a book was going to be a lot more difficult than she figured.

Later on, he tried to get her to stay the night with him, but she refused saying she hadn't brought any clothes. Fitz drove her home not long before the sun came up and made her promise to call him on her way to work, which she did.

That afternoon at school, Olivia and the other eleven teachers who made up her group of twelve performed their skit; along with all of the other groups. It was a fun way to spend the end of the school day and the students loved all of the performances.

Just one day left of school until the Christmas break.

The following night was a wild, sexy, and exhausting repeat performance of the previous one. But this time Olivia planned ahead, at Fitz's insistence, and stayed with him all night. Not a lot of sleep was had but surprisingly, both of them felt completely invigorated when the alarm went off for them to begin the joy of getting ready for the day.

The faculty met back in the cafeteria before school started to enjoy their gift swap before school started. The principal brought doughnuts and coffee was made for everyone to enjoy during the gift giving process. When it was Olivia's turn, she stood up and went to get her gift from under the tree and handed it to a surprised Fitzgerald Grant.

"You had my name?" he asked in a shocked voice.

"I did. You seem...surprised?"

"I'm usually very good at guessing who gets my name every year. I have to be honest and say I didn't see this coming." Fitz admitted.

"Maybe I'm better than you are at this game?" she teased him in front of everyone.

"We all now know she's a better dancer than you are." someone said with a laugh.

He took his time and unwrapped the three small gifts, still reeling at learning that Olivia had been his secret Santa. The first gift was a pair of socks that had titles of great books written all over them in neatly typed font. He grinned and looked them over, reading the titles he was very familiar with.

The second wrapped treat was a lot heavier. Upon opening it, Fitz learned it was a banned books heat reactive mug. All over the side of the mug words were crossed out. They were titles of books that have been challenged or banned in the United States. But when you add a hot drink into the mug the censored marks disappear. Fitz loved this gift a couldn't wait to use it.

The third gift was a lot heavier than the other two and in another bag. Setting the two much smaller gifts back inside the bag, he set it on the floor to concentrate on the last item. He unwrapped it and found a set of monogrammed bookends inside. "Wow" he whispered reverently. "This is ...Wow! It's great. Thank you so much, Liii...Olivia."

She smiled at him and said, "you're welcome." Glancing up at the clock, she realized that there were only eight more hours until the school day was over. In eight and a half hours she would have him completely undressed and he would be saying very specific things to her or touching her in a way that made her quiver or warning her about what not to do. Wondering how the day would end made it go by faster. But...in the off chance that it started to drag on slowly, Olivia decided she would pull his tall sexy ass into a nearby closet for some kisses.

New relationships were so much fun. And while this one was already off to a great start, Olivia felt like it had what it took to last a very, very long time. She was excited to see just how long it would last. And it all started out because of Christmas.

Prompt submitted by Felicia 

Written by Sucker4Scandal

[ao3-writer]

The Q Word (1/2)

Could you maybe... crankiplker angst with a happy ending? Like Mark Messed Up Big Time And He Has To Fix This kind of ansgt.

 Mark decided to host a party at the office, inciting friends and Youtubers alike. The celebration had no real reason to it, it was just a little thing Mark wanted to throw together for everybody in L.A.

 Ethan and Tyler were busy getting the last essentials to the party fixed up before they finally had time to socialize. Amy was taking Chica out to use the restroom so that she wouldn’t have to charge up and down the stairs to get their attention.

 Mark was chatting up with Matt and Ryan when Ethan stood next to him, sliding his arm around him. Mark shook Ethan’s arm off. The younger man simply took nothing of it, just walking away and finding Tyler.

  “Hey, did you find Mark?” Tyler asked, drinking the ‘safe punch’ from his red solo cup. Ethan nodded.

  “Yeah, but... he was just busy. I’ll just talk to him later.”

 But later turned into an hour. and from an hour to two. and from two to three. Soon enough, people began to leave. Mark was talking to practically every person that had showed up except Ethan. Hell, he even managed to hang around enough for Tyler to tell him that Ethan was looking for him. But Mark and Ethan never spoke.

 The night dwindled down, the room got too hot for Ethan and he made his way outside, letting the cold fresh-air blast the heat away and fill him with relief. The stars barely shined, the moon exceptionally bright, fighting against the glow of the cities own lights.

Ethan heard a door open behind him, hoping it was Mark. Unfortunately, it was just Amy. She had her hands stuffed in her coat pockets and revealed a napkin hiding cookies.

  “Here, I figured you needed these,” she said, shrugging as Ethan’s face lighted up. “What happened to you and Mark? Weren’t you two going to be inseperable this entire night?”

 Ethan chuckled. “Yeah but... he’s just been socializing with a lot of people. I’m fine just skirting around and joining occasional conversations and debates,” Ethan replied. Amy raised an eyebrow.

  “What do you mean? Has he not brought you into any of his conversations?”

  “Not really. He’s kinda just been...” avoiding me “... busy,is all it is.”

 Amy wasn’t buying it. She welcomed Ethan to follow her back inside. The hot air escaped, Ethan kind of missed the cool air outside but this would have to suffice. Amy led him through the small stacks of conversations before they finally reached Mark.

  “So anyways, as I was saying-- oh Hey, Ethan,” Mark greeted, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend. Amy was relived, seeing nothing had gone wrong. “This is Ethan. You’ve probably seen him in my videos. He edits too,” Mark added, “he’s a big ball of fun. I love him.”

  “Don’t you have a Youtube channel too?” A girl Ethan had never met before asked. Mark simply laughed. “I’m surprised you’ve heard about it. His channels pretty nonexistent at this point, isn’t that right, Eth?” Mark asked. Ethan felt the insult harder than expected, staring at Mark in confusion.

  “How long have you two been... together?” A different stranger asked. Mark shrugged.

  “Probably two or three months. But it’s all just numbers, am I right? Who needs to count days when you’re in a relationship? All you have to remember is the anniversary and you’re good,” Mark replied, pulling laughter out of the others. Ethan was put further into shock. They’d been dating for six months already, how could he have forgotten?

  “Mark,” Amy said, trying to hide her forcefulness, “wanna tell them about the project Tyler and Ethan have been working on?” Amy tried her best smile, hoping that Mark could recover all the shit he’s said about Ethan already. But to no avail.

  “For what? It’s not like they’re the brains behind it. They just do what I ask. Nothing more. Besides, Ethan can’t think further than in his own box sometimes.” Amy and Ethan stared at Mark in shock while the others merely chuckled and mumbled among themselves. 

  “Moving the camera’s hard work, Mark,” Ethan finally said. Mark scrunched his face in annoyance.

  “Yeah but we have to retake half the things you film anyway. You suck at it, Ethan. Stick to vlogging.”

 Those three words were all it took for Ethan to snap. He let go of Mark’s arm and stared at him angrily. Amy already knew what was coming and stood by Ethan’s side quickly, but part of her wanted to see Mark be dropped a peg.

  “Well maybe if you weren’t such an asshole, things wouldn’t be so hard. After all, you’re a fucking prick most of the time. Why don’t you stick to ‘vlogging’, Mark. After all, your most popular videos are mostly you doing dumb skits that WE have come up with,” Ethan bit out. Amy rolled her eyes and tugged at Ethan’s arms to lead them away from the group and back outside into the fresh air.

 Mark was stunned, watching where Ethan just was back to the others. He gave a small smile before he tried making his way through the people before Tyler stood in his way and steered him off into a different conversation.

 The party was over. The people had left, Tyler and Amy were left to clean the mess while Mark texted Ethan desperately as to where he was. Mark grabbed a plastic bag anyway, starting to toss empty cups and nacho plates inside. His phone buzzed and found that it was someone thanking him for the wonderful night.

  “He’s not answering you anytime soon, yknow,” Amy said. Mark stared at her and she merely shrugged. “Just sayin’. You messed up big time, Mark. and I mean... big time.”

 Ethan finally replied, saying he was at home. Mark immediately called, dropping the bag and stepping outside to hear him.

  “Where have you been? Ethan cmon, you can’t be that mad. I was just trying to be funny,” Mark said.

  “Yeah well it was a dick move,” Ethan replied, “you know I’ve put up with so much bullshit you give me and it honestly doesn’t feel like a relationship anymore. It feels like a fucking dictatorship. I’m not your whore. I’m not some servant. I’m your boyfriend, Mark,” Ethan said over the phone.

  “Ethan, don’t be dramatic. I was just trying to be funny. Okay, one of those jokes did cross the line. But cmon, we always take like this,” Mark pleaded. Ethan scoffed.

  “WE?! You always talk like this, Mark. Like the egotistical little shit that you are. Saying that m channel is nonexistent and saying I suck?! I try harder than you probably do, Mark. DO you think I fuck up on purpose?! I learn from my mistakes, but you just completely ignore your own. Blaming it on somebody and anybody else. Fuck you, Mark.”

  “Hey, don’t be like that. I never said you were a fuck up. You know how much I support you in all that you do! Cmon, Eth, it was one time. We need to move past--”

  “Oh no. Oh-hoho, NO. You are always like this. You are always an asshole to me and sometimes I don’t even realize. You avoided me all night and I... I had nobody to talk to. I was lonely. Jesus Christ, sometimes I feel like you’re embarrassed to be around me!”

  “You would too if your boyfriend was a total queer.”

 That was it. That was the last straw and Ethan went off. Amy stepped out to find out what was going on and she could even hear Ethan’s rage over the phone speaker.

  “A QUEER?! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, MARK?! I done. I’m SO fucking done with you. This is it. I’m done with it all. I’m done with your constant abuse and your stupid jokes. I’m done working for you. I’m done getting every little detail perfect because your subscribers will ‘notice something’s off’. And you know what I have to say about that? FUCK YOU. Fuck you, Mark. Fuck you and everything you stand for. Fuck your channel. And fuck this. We’re done.”

 Ethan hung up the phone. Mark took each blow and let it sink in. Damn he really fucked up... big time.

 Amy walked over, her boots clacking against the pavement as she reached Mark, who’s head hung solemnly to the ground in shame and regret.

  “Wow... The Q word’s out. You have a knack of pissing people off sometimes, y’know that?” Amy said, rolling her eyes. Mark began to speak but she raised her hand, as if ready to strike at him. “I wasn’t finished, you piece of shit. Now, I know that you’re not the best when it comes to relationships, aha, i.e. me.”

  “Amy I--”

  “BUT,” she raised her arm again, “ that doesn’t erase the fact that deep down you’re as much as an asshole as the rest of us. You need to fix things with Ethan. If you don’t, you’re going to ruin things for yourself. Don’t bear Kathryn with all the editing. Don’t make like harder just because you’re too proud to fix your mistakes. Now you drive your ass all the way over to Ethan’s house... and you fix it. Before I fix you a new face, got it?”

 Mark nodded his head, knowing he couldn’t argue with her. He headed back inside for his keys and returned to find her still standing there.

  “Thanks... I guess,” he whispered. She grabbed his arm before he went and she looked him right in the eyes.

  “And don’t fuck it up, Fischbach.” She let him go and she went back inside.

[I NEED THE ENERGY TO WRITE  A HAPPY ENDING. PT 2 COMING SOON]

[ellibeans-blog]

Change of Heart, Chapter 5

The newest update to my Aleks/Reader fic, Change of Heart. Enjoy!

Chapters– Wattpad: 1, 2, 3 ,4 Ao3: 1, 2, 3 , 4

Knock-knock.

...

Knock-knock-knock.

...

"(Y/N)?"

You awake, back in your bed at the hotel. You feel disoriented and stare toward your door, narrowing your eyes at the sound of your own name. The knocking continues.

"(Y/N)...? It's me, uh, it's Aleks... Hello?"

Aleks...?

You sit straight up, eyes wide open as you scramble off of the bed. How could you have fallen asleep?! Nearly tripping over your own feet, you make your way to the door and open it up to see him, hand raised and in the position to knock again. He seems a little stunned at how fast you'd pulled the door open, but he offers an awkward smile, a bag in his opposite hand.

"Uh.. Hey, did I interrupt something?"

"Oh-- No, no," You assure him, stepping aside so he can come in. "I fell asleep." You shut the door behind him and wander past him, back to your bed so you can retrieve your phone. When you check the time, you realize you've only been asleep for about fifteen minutes. Waking up had felt like you'd napped for thirty years. You sigh and run a hand through your hair, but ultimately smile to Aleks.

"You can, like, sit anywhere you want." "Oh. Sure, yeah."

He does as you say, taking the couch placed right night to the hotel window. While you smooth your hair, you take full notice of the bag and tilt your head. When you're about to ask about it, he cuts you off.

"I know that we kinda got out apologies done and shit and maybe you don't wanna talk about it anymore, but, I brought some shit over just in case. I still felt kinda bad."

You nod, gesturing toward the bag as if silently asking him to tell you what he's brought. He does, pulling a bottle of whiskey from the bag. Your face must betray your confusion, as you find panic in his not a moment later. You can almost feel the change in the atmosphere, and you can almost see the nervous sweat begin to pour off of him.

"--I mean, I know whisky isn't everybody's preference but I read it's a good apology.. gift.. thing. Shit, I don't know, I just figured it'd be a good idea. I guess it's fuckin' stupid though, I don't even know if you drink." "I mean, I do, but I can't remember ever having whisky that looked so... Expensive."

And the bottle really does look like something out of a movie, sleek and black with bold white print that boasts its distillery in Scotland and the company's establishment in 1798. You could imagine it sitting beautifully on some bar counter in a commercial on TV, the ones where the skit was narrated by a deep and sultry voice. Promises of warmth and spice, among imagery that somehow made sense when it came to the taste of the liquor.

You're lost in the bottle's design, too lost to notice Aleks has addressed you again.

"Huh?" You suddenly snap out of it, noticing that he's taken to staring at you, probably in wait for your response.

"I said, is it okay? It's cool if it's not, I probably should've asked, but I wanted it to be a surprise." "No, I mean, yeah, it's fine, and it's fine that you just brought it. I'll try it, I appreciate that you wanted to patch things up this bad."

That's when you step closer, cautiously reaching forward for the bottle. He hands it to you with no problem and you hold it as if it were your firstborn. For some reason, as you turn it over in your hands, you feel like it has to be handled with the utmost care. Again, you address the price.

"This really looks expensive, Aleks, how much was it?" "It doesn't matter, uh, there's cups in here, right? I kinda blanked on getting glasses." "Yeah, hold on."

You place the whiskey back into his hands and head over to the counter where the coffee maker sits. Beside it is a stack of Styrofoam cups, not the classiest thing you've ever drank out of, but considering the dishware is lacking and you're not going to buy glasses for the occasion, they'll have to do. You slip two off of the stack and bring them over, and when you sit down beside Aleks he's already opened the bottle. You watch him, almost blankly as he pours each cup only partway full. You keep replaying the passing time in your head, in disbelief that you're really here, with Aleks, about to drink. Not even your dreams had prepared you for such a moment.

You reach for one of the cups, but Aleks palms the back of your hand, stopping you mid-reach.

"Hold on, (Y/N). I got one more thing."

You can only wonder what that may be, but you withdraw your hand and rest it in your lap, waiting patiently as he picks up the same bag from before. You'd thought it empty, the way he had balled it up and set it on the floor, but he proves you wrong immediately as he seems to unwrap it from around something. A moment later, he's pulled chocolates out of your bag. This pleases you, as you're a big fan of chocolate ( then again, who isn't? ). He seems to relax at the look on your face this time, and he hands them over.

"Here. When you were passed out earlier I heard you mention something about chocolate. Maybe you were having a stupid fever dream, but I had a hunch." "Wow... That's... Embarrassing. I mean, thank you though. I appreciate this a lot. It feels like it's almost too much for what happened."

You laugh a little, but toy with the chocolates as you say so. If you didn't know better, you would swear that this was him flirting with you. But, you do know better, and you remind yourself this is his apology, not an attempt to woo you. Regardless, you look up to him and smile, but glance toward the cups that sit in front of the both of you on the folding snack table Aleks had tugged over in front of the couch. He chuckles and nods to you, allowing you to finally pick the cup up.

What follows is an evening you had not expected. While you had been exhausted from the day's events, the stress seems to melt away as time goes on. You talk, drink, laugh, and have an overall nice time with him. It only ends when you hazily realize that Aleks has gotten drunk - far too drunk to drive back. The only option you have is to offer your bed, and he agrees, the both of of you falling into bed after cleaning things up... As best as you could, anyway.

Despite being tired, you lie awake together, continuing your conversation until you doze off, half wrapped up in the sheets and, without either of you realizing, tucked away in his arms.

[shakesonaplane]

A Beginner’s Guide to Your Indian Friend’s Wedding

So you’re on your way home from a long day at work. Exhausted, you muster up the energy to stop by your mailbox to see what annoying snail-mail correspondence you might have. You see the usual in there: the bills, the unsolicited coupons to the restaurants in your neighborhood, something for someone who used to live here, and…wait, what’s this? A large, colored envelope with fancy writing addressed directly to you from someone with a name you partially recognize (wait, don’t I know a Gupta?). Upon further inspection…yup, smells vaguely like that grocery store my Indian friend took me to one time when they had to buy pickled mangos or some such thing…

Kudos to you brides and grooms who choose to air these out before sending them along

Congratulations my friend, you have been officially invited to an Indian Shaadi (wedding)! As a frequenter of these festivities, I’d like to offer you this guide as a “crash course” for the weekend of fun you’re about to experience. Before we get into all that, I know what you’re thinking: a) isn’t this a travel blog? And b) didn’t wedding season basically end? Well, you’re right on both accounts actually! However, my last trip happened to be to my cousin’s wedding in Rhode Island (shoutout to #vindeetzle) and there’s no such thing as “wedding season” for us. So I am taking advantage of the circumstances to drop some cultural knowledge as your friendly PUNK (Professional Uncle No Kids).

And, before anyone angrily messages me, no I am not literally an expert on all Indian weddings. This is meant to be a fun guide to get you through 90% of Indian Hindu ceremonies. Our diaspora has caused the rituals to massively shift across each culture and not everything I write here may be applicable to your family’s way of doing things. Please just sit back, have a read, hopefully a chuckle, and mosey on to reddit or youtube or whatever else it was you were doing on the internet.

The Schedule (aka “Wow This Is Really An Entire Weekend”)

You can probably hire my family to come to weddings for informational / hype purposes

So you’ve read the invitation and are probably thinking about two things. First of all, why is this thing so long? I mean, I’ve been to weddings that had a rehearsal dinner then a few events on a Saturday, but this thing seems to take nearly all of my weekend. Well, count yourself lucky, because since you’re not in the family, you got off easy. Our weddings can be more than a week long sometimes (trust me, I’ve had two sisters get married) and often include lots of confusing rituals spanning various days. The invitation-portion of the wedding is the grand finale of a long celebration the family has been having. Make no mistake, Indian weddings are more for the family of the betrothed than for the betrothed themselves…this comes from our long and storied FOMO heritage.

Many a mother clutches their new daughter and whispers something about grandchildren at this point

Second thing you might be wondering is: what on earth do I wear? I’m glad you asked (ok maybe I forced you to ask this) because clothing is one of the most exciting parts of the wedding! Below is a quick breakdown of outfits and a link to each one, so when we talk about the events you can reference this section.

Wedding Outfits (aka “Basically Game of Thrones Cosplay”)

In case you’re wondering, yes my extended family are all better looking than me

Let’s be 100% honest for a moment, Indian wedding outfits are meant to make women look absolutely wonderful and to make their male counterparts adequate enough to be seen next to them. You’ll hear no complaining from me (or most men) on this subject, simply because female outfits are incredibly heavy and take a long time to take on and off, whilst what we wear is effectively a long shirt with baggy pants and slippers. That all said, here are some common wedding outfits you should be aware of:

Ladies

Sari - draped fabric wrapped around the waist and over the shoulder with a blouse

Lehenga - long skirt of the outfit (though often the whole outfit is called a lehenga) with a short, embroidered blouse and (often times) a scarf called a dupatta

Salwar Suit - a (traditionally) Punjabi outfit consisting of a long embroidered top and pants bottom with a dupatta. This can often be in 1 piece and some styles are referred to as an “Anarkali”

Gentlemen

Kurta Pajama - straight cut long shirt accompanied by either pajama pants or dhoti, depending on preference.

Sherwani - Mix of British frock coat and Indian kurta top, a long jacket with a Mandarin collar

Nehru Jacket - Can also be a vest, but effectively a shorter Sherwani

Mehndi Party (aka “Stop, Henna Time”)

If you’re wondering how she ate/drank anything that night…well, that’s what brothers are for…

Outfits: Casual like a Salwar Suit for ladies, Kurta Pajama for men (though casual western clothes are totally fine)

The first event on most of the wedding invitations I’ve received were for the Mehndi party. Mehndi (or Henna, as is more commonly known in the west) is the temporary “tattoo” the bride receives before the wedding. There are a few concepts around the significance of mehndi in weddings (from signifying the deep love of the couple to representations of fertility), but today at these weddings it’s so deeply part of the culture that an entire night is devoted to the bride and all ladies in the wedding who would like it. Pro-tip, the longer mehndi stays on your skin, the darker it’ll be, so use a bit of lemon to keep it hydrated to really get it to pop when you rub it off. Second pro-tip, as a guy, find something to eat and drink, it’s going to be a while.

The Sangeet Or Garba (aka “This Is What We Train For”)

Actual comment from someone in the photo: “I seem to be rocketing into the ceiling”

Outfits: Lehenga or Salwar Suit for the ladies, Kurta Pajama or Nehru Jacket for men (semi-formal event)

So you’re all set with your outfits and are now an expert on finding the groom’s initials in the bride’s mehndi. Next up, the “music party” portion. Like any good Indian event, dancing and re-creating Bollywood moves is a key portion of the wedding. The music party (Sangeet as most know it) is a special event meant to bring the family’s together in a less formal setting to get to know each other before the couple ties the knot. Previously, we wouldn’t really know the other family all that well, so this might even be the first time we meet the extended family. Sangeet’s are traditionally North Indian, but these days you’ll find it more pervasive across South Asian cultures. So stock up on food and wear comfy shoes bc you’ll be on your feet a lot tonight.

Sangeet programs now usually consist of a program of dances or skits by the friends and family of the couple. These are choreographed numbers and always take a bit of practice before the event, so if you’re included, make sure to clear our schedule to figure out the steps, shimmies, body rolls and kick-ball-changes associated with Bollywood dancing. Note: in Gujurati events, the Sangeet is often included in a Garba / Raas celebration, which can only be explained as “Indian line dancing, sometimes with sticks…bring some bandaids”. And when the night is over, make sure to get some rest, because this party has just begun…

Wedding Day Part 1: Baraat And Ceremony (aka “I’m On A Horse But Where Are My Shoes?”

Please don’t ride off into the sunset, we kind of need you for the next few hours

Outfits: Lehenga, Salwar Suit or Sari for the ladies, Kurta Pajama or Nehru Jacket for men (formal event)

You made it! It’s the big day (for your friend)! The wedding day is some of the most unique fun you’ll have, given the rituals are abundant. I could easily write an entire post about it, but I’ll give you the highlights here and let you dive deeper as need be. The first thing to note is that, for most Indian families, there is an auspicious time of day to get married. That means that if you see a wedding popping off at 10am, it’s because someone’s astrologically inclined grandmother made it so (hope you got some rest the night before).

Now, if you’re on the groom’s side, your morning is going to start off with a little Indian Jazzercise. In wedding traditions, the groom’s party arrives at the bride’s house to start off the wedding. Back in the day this meant crossing a town (or even venturing to a new one) so we thought it best to do this in as LOUD A MANNER AS POSSIBLE. To be honest, this is one of my favorite parts of the wedding day, because you will see the groom sitting on a white horse (or some such steed if you get creative), a band or car preceding him and his entire side of the family dancing/walking in front of the horse to announce / celebrate their arrival. The Baraat is our way of saying, “We’ve arrived, and in style, time to get this party started!”. If you’re part of the girl’s side, apologies but you basically get to watch the Baraat and then head into the hall for a seat.

Project Runway India (but please don’t smile, even with your eyes)

After you’ve entered the hall, find a seat anywhere you can (we don’t really care what side you sit on, just get comfy and don’t take the reserved seats). This is the part of the wedding where things slow down a bit for the spectators and the bride and groom will be sitting on the Mandap for however long their parents have decided. Personally I’ve seen between 45min and 4 hours for this part. The Indian ceremony is a really involved religious practice, with several key elements involving prayer to the god who removes obstacles (for an auspicious beginning), using fire as the marital decree (we don’t really have rings in our tradition), taking steps together as man of wife, gifting a necklace and see who is going to run the marriage by how fast you can sit. This is a deeply traditional portion, but if you’re like me when I was a kid, terribly difficult to follow (the entire ceremony is normally in Sanskrit). You’ll know when it’s over when the bride / groom and fully tied together (literally) and you hear the aunties in the crowd singing some soothing and sorrowful song about how they wish their kids would settle down and get married already.

Not pictured: the ensuing ambulance and confused EMTs asking why there were several nail-shaped cuts on his torso

For this next part, my hypothesis (along with others) is that since these weddings take a long time so people need to stay entertained (especially energetic kids). Some pre-amble for you: in order to sit on the mandap, you can’t wear shoes. We’re particular about shoes in our houses and temples, and the mandap is considered both (have you ever really worn shoes inside an Indian person’s house?). When the groom takes his shoes off, the brides cousins and siblings try to steal those shoes from the mandap (with the groom’s side “protecting” them). When he’s wed and ready to leave, he’s actually unable to do so without having shoes. So, in order to move forward with his new wife, he needs to buy his shoes back from her cousins and siblings, often times for exorbitant prices (most I’ve seen is $2k or diamond earrings, depending on your fancy). What is usually a pretty harmless and fun game of chase can sometimes turn into the only scrum an Indian person will ever willingly enter

Wedding Day Part 2: Cocktail Hour And The Reception (aka “Empty Calories And How To Burn Them Off”)

Nosebleed seats are usually the closest ones to the bar #realtalk

Outfits: Lehenga or Sari or Indian-styled Gown for the ladies, Nehru Jacket or Western Suit/Tux for men (the most formal event of the weekend)

This part of the wedding will be the most similar to any other wedding you went to, but probably with more flare than you might be used to. The cocktail hour and reception are easy, as they’re meant to really celebrate what we just went through for the whole weekend (I mean, the happy couple?). A few tips for the reception:

Cocktail hour is your time to eat and drink as much as you can. You’ll get to walk around, marvel at various outfits people have flown in from India, and have your last bit of freedom

When the introductions and speeches kick off, the bars will close. Bring yourself a drink for the road / table

Speeches will take longer than they originally planned, there is no way around this. We enjoy having microphones and captive audiences, so sit back and enjoy

Inevitably there will be a language other than English being spoken. Either find a translator immediately or save this for someone later…it’s normally either funny or touching

Most Indian weddings are not plated dinners but buffets or family style at the table. There will always be a line at the buffet to start, so when they open for food, grab a drink and wait it out

When the dancing starts, it won’t stop. Find someone to teach you a move or two it’ll serve your greatly. And wait for the inevitable dance circle to form because we love to watch / show off

Grab your mummy, do-si-do (and avoid her prospective bride intro)

After the reception is done, you’re on your own! Chances are there’s an after party if you’re so inclined, and greater chances are that someone has ordered Taco Bell to said after party. Do with that information what you will, I’ll probably be fully engaged with a bean burrito at this point (pun intended).

Wrap Up (aka “Time To Go Home And Have A Green Juice”)

You made it! Congrats on your successful South Asian wedding weekend! I hope this was a useful guide to you, as these events are some of the highlights for our families. You might be thinking, “wow, so much happened in so little time, I barely saw the bride and groom”, and you’d be right! We pack a lot into just a few days and no one is more tired than the bride and groom after it’s all said and done. If you see them throughout the weekend, just hug them, say congrats to their new Biwi (wife) / Pati (husband), thank them for the invite, and ask if you can get them anything (probably a drink).

Day after wedding events are some of the most confusing messes I’ve ever seen

Quick thanks to all my friends and family for allowing me to use their wedding photos. As I said before, this isn’t a definitive guide, but something fun to help you navigate your first Indian wedding weekend. I’m no expert (and not even close to having one of these myself) but if there’s one thing I do know, it’s how to make your weekend one to (hopefully) remember. 

Cheers, Abhishek