#i saw they have a few other flavours too??? hmmmm

[gaiaxygang]

got more mama tomyum noodles and theyre 3 sgd for 4 packs..... very exciting news

[vivianrvergiou]

Bad Luck~ Obey Me

After a particularly bad fight in the House of Lamentation, a series of unfortunate events unfold. Pairing: Mammon x Mc Warnings: slight bad language but other than that everything’s ok. Recommended song: 5SOS- Teeth This is my first time writing for the Obey Me fandom, especially for the Greedy Monmon, so I do hope you enjoy! 

Normally, the House of Lamentation was always buzzing with voices and energy, as its restless demon residents and human one would go about their day, but today this was not the case. Today, everyone was gathered around the breakfast table, glaring daggers to one another but daring not to speak a single word. You and Beel were the only ones trying out the food, while the other ones were ready to slit each other throats.

‘No one will leave this table until the culprit confesses.’ Lucifer announced, resting his hands on the table with deceiving calmness, but all of you could see the vein of annoyance popping in his head.

  ‘Mammon just confess it is you and be done with it.’ Satan practically growled at the white-haired demon, who threw his hands up in surrender.

 ‘Oi, didn’ do it dude. How many times should I tell ya?’

 Satan’s green eyes flash with rage and he clenched his fists in a desperate attempt to calm himself down. Right beside him, Levi is rocking himself back and forth, muttering under his breath about levels and assassins and music blasting at full volume. Asmodeus on the other hand, had folded his hands above his chest and refused to even acknowledge anyone around. Still, he pipes up.

 ‘I want the one who ruined my beautiful hair PAY!’ Asmo throws venomously ‘Do you know how hard it was to get my original colour back?!’

‘Who cares about your hair! That damn assassin keeps getting me on every level! I haven’t slept in two weeks!’

‘Try scratching yourself raw then Levi.’ Belphie muttered, throwing dagger glares to everyone on the table ‘With only exception (y/n) and Beel, any of you could’ve done it. Especially the scumbag, good-for-nothing, greedy bastard like Mammon.’

Lucifer nods ‘This is what we are here to find out. I can promise you that the one responsible will pay dearly. Torture, tied up and hung from the ceilin-’ He growls, and you almost choke with your cereal, cutting him off ‘Anything funny (y/n)?’

You shrug ‘Hard to take you seriously when your teeth are painted pitch black Lucifer. You should wash them every now and then.’

  Your snarky remark earns you a murderous glare from the first-born, while Belphie, Satan and Mammon chuckle, with Mammon choking on his spit when Lucifer turns his gaze to him, red eyes dripping with a wild mixture of cruelty and raw anger eating away at the colour. Still, Lucifer is barely managing to contain his anger and not flog you all for your disobedience.

‘It has come to my attention (y/n) that you, Beel and Mammon are the only ones who haven’t fallen victims to this sort of… misfortunes. Care to explain why?’ his eyes never stray from your face, searching for the signs that would possibly betray you.

Alas, as you shrug your shoulders and munch down on a cupcake, your face remains innocently even ‘Maybe because we are next?’

‘No, noononono, don’t go sayin’ that (y/n). The Great Mammon is not up for this shit.’

‘While the rest of us where! So, spit it out already!’ Satan roars and hits the table with his fist, making everything on it bounce.

    It had all started about a week ago, when you and Mammon decided to let the others know you were officially dating. Of course, both of you had been pinning after one another from the moment you stepped a single foot inside the house, but it was only a few months later that you had enough and confessed to the greedy demon who was elated, alas not the same could go for the rest of his brothers. A huge fight had broken out, the likes of which you had never seen; all the brothers -with only exception being Beel- were beyond themselves, with all sorts of insults being thrown at Mammon, who after a while simply stormed off to cool down (read cry) and you telling the rest of them off before following him.

 Eventually, although reluctantly, the rest of the brothers cooled their heads down.

Alas, bad luck was about to rain down on them.

And first victim, was Levi only a day later.

 Levi was kind of sore about the news, so the Otaku decided to just game his frustration and sadness away. The game he decided to give a go was an RPG game from the human world y/n had gifted him with the other day, called Assassin’s Creed, and no matter how much it hurt his heart to play it and his envious nature to rise within, it was still a good game he wanted to play.

  One by one he scored the best scores on the levels and progressed, until he reached the tenth level, when a very strange assassin emerged through one of the narrow streets, wearing a bubble pink robe and before he even knew it, Levi’s character was shot dead.

‘What the absolute sh-‘

He loaded the game again and made his way through the streets but again the assassin appeared and shot him. Over and over and over again, at some point he lost track of how many times his avatar had been killed; shot, slashed, an arrow to the body, a kick to the head, a leap of faith on top of him, he was one step away from smashing his controller. He tried everything: going through a different street, avoiding the place, picking up another mission, playing the game from the start but every. single. time. the assassin would emerge and kill him. The Avatar of Envy was beyond himself with rage, until he decided to corner and kill it before it got him again.

‘Aha! Got you now!’ he screams victoriously as he points his arrow to him and shoots him clean through the head.

ICAMEINLIKEAWRECKINGBALL,INEVERHITSOHARDINLOVE,ALLIWANTEDWASTOBREAKYOURWALLSALLYOUEVERDIDWASWREAKME!!!!!YEAH,YOUWRECKME!!!!

  It blazed through the speakers on full volume, making Levi fall out of his chair with a scream. It did not stop, it did not lower the volume, the whole computer turned unresponsive until he would wrench the cable off the wall, having a very angry Lucifer breathing down his neck along with the rest of the residents, since it was four in the morning. Every time he would load the game again, when he would find the assassin, the song would blare up all over again. He had triggered a virus but none of the commenters online could help him through it.

 He was determined to win though, which left him screaming at the screen in frustration for the 400th time. As well as leaving him with no sleep for a good two weeks.

  Yet Asmo, who was the second victim, would vehemently argue that he had it worse.

Nothing betrayed what was about to go down for him.

   He had a good laugh with Levi’s punishment for blazing the song at such a wild hours in the morning -and good for Lucifer because none of them cave-demons knew how bad for the skin was to wake up at such ungodly hours- so to relax and pamper himself before going out the following night, he filled with bathtub will all sorts of bath salts and soaps. Making sure to apply his favourite skin and hair mask to chase away the tiredness.

 ‘~Hmmmm, hmmmm, all perfect!’ he mused to himself and relaxed back with a good glass of wine.

You were with Beel and Belphie in the kitchen preparing dinner when you heard it.

‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!’

A bloodcurdling scream rocked the house from its base and as you rushed to the hallway, all you saw was Asmo running around in circles with only a towel wrapped around his hips.

‘IT’S NOT COMING OFF! MY FACE! MY HAIR! IT WON’T COME OFF!!!’

  His hair to your ultimate surprise had turned in all the colours of the rainbow, while the face mask he wore simply refused to come off, making the Avatar of Lust lose his shit. At some point, all you saw was the towel loosening but Belphie was quick to cover your eyes before you got flashed. Took them two hours and a very angry Satan to restrain Asmo and help him pull the mask off -thankfully with some alcohol it came straight out- but his hair was unsalvageable, which made Lucifer himself go to the shops in order to find hair dye.

Even with that though, the colour was as close to his original as it would get and no matter the fact he still rocked it, Asmo was very angry about the whole thing.

Yet none of them were suspicious, until bad luck hit Belphegor.

The Avatar of Sloth picked up his favourite cow pillow and made his way to the planetarium for some peace of mind and an opportunity to sleep peacefully and forget about everything. Cuddling to his pillow, he was asleep in no time but at some point, he felt a strange itch cover his body; nothing to worry about he could just scratch it.

 Oh, dear Diavolo, no.

The more he scratched the more he would get itchy and the irritation of being pulled out of sleep was doubled when he woke up and every single inch of his body SCREAMED at him to scratch it, which he did until he started scratching himself raw. Beel found him completely turned onto his demon form, scratching away and cursing all the gods and demons he knew and didn’t know. Eventually, only a cold shower seemed to ease the itch and Beel made sure his covers were clean before going out to bring him some of his favourite orange juice; Belphie particularly liked it after a nap and there was a spare cup in the fridge.

  Belphegor was thankful of his twin as he took it onto his hands and took a sip, but instead of the familiar fruity taste, the taste of ready-to-make macaroni and cheese flavour assaulted his mouth. Beel was very understanding when his twin spat it out all over him but Belphie was fuming.

Satan on the other hand, could agree that all these misfortunes were kind of strange, but nothing to worry about too much.

  So after he laughed and enjoyed his brothers misfortunes over dinner, he returned to his room to read a new book y/n had gifted him and when he finally felt tired, he set his digital alarm on his nightstand -Asmo had bought it for him and he used it to wake up with some calm songs- and went to sleep. There was a thought twisting and turning in his mind as he slept, a gut feeling that something was amiss, but he couldn’t quite place it, instead slipping into unconsciousn-

WHOLETTHEDOGSOUT?!WOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOF!WHOLETTHEDOGSOUT?!WOOFWOOFWOOF!WHOLETTHEDOGSOUT?!

 To say Satan literally flew off his bed and turned into his demon form in a split second would be an understatement. The alarm blazed in full volume and would not stop for the world, until he Avatar of Wrath tossed it out of the window, sending it into orbit. Taking deep breaths to calm his nerves down, he made his way to his bathroom to get ready to slash that fucking a-hole who did this to his alarm.

 He didn’t really notice his toilet seat being covered by a thin layer cellophane.

And he was barefoot.

 Fucking hell.

  Lucifer was not really worried at all.

 Who in their right minds would prank the Avatar of Pride? No one was that masochistic and he prided himself in being terrifying on a good day, much less when you saw him angry. So, he privately enjoyed the little war raging around his brothers in silence, urging them not to do anything that would shame Diavolo in any way due to their rage. Of course, he was curious to see who was doing all this, but the culprit would rise eventually, nothing stays hidden for long.

That’s what he thought when he went about his chores on the seventh day. Placing his clothes to the washing machine and brewing a nice cup of human coffee Barbatos had given him, an exceedingly rare brew, he made his way to his office to start on the numerous papers he had today. Closing the door behind him, he sipped a bit from the liquid, finding it strangely salty; hm, maybe it was a new kind of coffee? It wasn’t unpleasant for his throat, just very very salty. Making a mental note to let Barbatos know it wasn’t too good, he pulled his chair out and leaned to sit down.

  BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Everything happened in a single moment.

 As Lucifer’s butt sat on the chair, a piercing honking sound erupted through his entire study, making the demon jump up in surprise and his hands to shake, resulting into covering his clothes with his coffee- which was not coffee at all, but squid ink which had permanently made its way on his teeth, turning them pitch black.

‘MAMOOOOOOOON!’

  To say he was beyond himself would be laughable. Thankfully, he had a spare change of clothes, which he would need because to the horror of the entire household, his clothes came out of the washing machine pure white with a few random black and pink spots on them. Someone had mixed bleach with the washing powder and none of them knew about it.

 So now, Lucifer raises an eyebrow ‘Something tells me you know a lot more than you let on y/n. It is not hard to figure out all of the misfortunes started after our fight and you seem strangely calm.’

‘What do you want me to do? I helped Asmo with his hair and Belphie with the scratching. If you wanna, you can search my room. Search everything, turn it upside down, even go through my panties drawer.’ You challenge with a smirk.

Never missing the way Lucifer straightens back and his cheeks colour a faint pink, while the rest of the brothers riot in the proposition.

‘That would not do. But I do have my eyes on you.’

Pushing your chair back, you rise on your feet ‘Whatever you say Lucifer. Now, if we’re done here, we’ll be late for school. I’ll go grab my stuff.’

  Leaving them to burn holes in your back before starting to argue with renewed vigour with one another, you exit the dinning room and make your way back to your room. Picking up your stuff and pulling your hair up in a ponytail, you are interrupted when your DDD goes off and you see Solomon’s name flashing over the screen.

  ‘Hey Sol. Good morning.’ You walk over to your panties drawer and pull a fresh pair of socks, ignoring the squid ink, itch powder, funky hair dye and the bleach, hidden in a small plastic bag under your panties ‘Yes, thank you for running this errant for me. I’ll tell you everything but for now let’s just say they got what they deserved for making fun of Mammoney.’ You flash an evil smile.

Solomon was very amused to hear the stories.

[13-reasons-ideas]

It was Just A Project Part 1

A/N this idea has been bouncing around in my head for a while and I've finally been able to finish the first part. I hope you guys like it! 

My morning started off as it usually did now that the boys had moved out to the garage. I woke up early and had a wonderfully hot shower before Clay and Justin woke up. After I finished my shower and got ready, I went downstairs to have breakfast. Dad was in the kitchen making lunch for us, as was tradition on Fridays, “Morning Dad. Is there coffee left?”

“Morning pumpkin. Fresh off the filter. Your bagels are in the toaster oven.”

“Thank you. Don’t worry about lunch for me. I’m having lunch with Zach and Alex today, so I’ll just grab something at school.”

“Sure thing.”

As I sat down to enjoy my breakfast, Justin came stumbling in the kitchen to shower. He grunted at us before making his way upstairs. Clay came trudging in not long after and took a bite of my bagel. “Hey, I was eating that.” I complained. Clay simply shrugged at me. “Daaaadddd, Clay ate my bagel.”

“Clay, stop bothering your sister.” Dad chided, not looking up from his paper. I stuck my tongue out at him teasingly. He rolled his eyes and went to the cupboard for some cereal. Justin came downstairs a couple of minutes later and poured himself a cup of coffee, “morning guys. Shower’s yours Clay.” Clay scarfed down his cereal- the boy is going to make himself sick one of these days…- before running upstairs.

It was quiet while we ate for a moment until we heard a girlish scream and Clay shout “Rachel!”. Justin and I looked at each other and burst out laughing.

I looked at the microwave and my eyes widened in shock “oh shit. I totally forgot I’m meeting Scott this morning to study for our biology test. Justin, you want to ride with me or Clay?”

He gulped down the last of his coffee and jumped up, “sure, I’ll just grab my bag.” I nodded and went to the stairs.

“Clay, Justin is getting a ride with me today. We’re leaving now.” I called upstairs.

“Okay.” Clay called back. Justin met me at the car, and I sent Scott a quick text. Hey, running a little late today sorry. I’ll be there in 15. He responded with a thumbs up and Justin and I were off.

When we arrived at school the parking lot was mostly empty. I ran off to meet Scott and Justin went to go find Jess. I saw Scott hanging out with some guys from the baseball team, with his back turned to me. I put my finger up to my mouth and quietly walked up behind him. When I reached him, I jumped up on his back, “Guess who?”

Scott immediately put his hands around my thighs so he was hanging on to me, “is it a certain less annoying twin who’s running late?”

“Maybe. Though it depends who you ask which of us is less annoying.” I jumped down and adjusted my top, “you ready to get fucked by the bio test too?”

“But of course. Mrs. Jackson is the worst.”

“Oh please, you’ll get like 95% and still argue that your grade should be higher.” Zach teased.

“I’d love to agree with you, but this woman is the devil incarnate with tests. We teach ourselves this class because she reads off slides and then she tests us on stuff that’s not even in the slides or the book. I’m probably going to fail. And since I need this class to get into USC, I actually need to pass. You coming Scott?” He nodded and we bid his friends goodbye.

After studying with Scott until the bell, we walked to biology together and took our seats. I was right, the test was ridiculous. Scott finished first and waited for me outside the room. “Could have at least bought me a coffee first.” I joked as I left the God forsaken classroom. He laughed and shook his head.

“I would have requested a four-course steak dinner. I feel dirty. I opened the book and wanted to walk out. We didn’t learn half of that material.”

“At least you can shower before lunch. You have a free period. I have to go do history.”

“Could skip and go shower with me….” he teased.

“Yeah. I’d rather take that test again.”

I sighed as I walked into history. The class wasn’t full yet thankfully. I groaned as I lowered myself into my seat in the back, next to Monty.

“Rough morning?” he asked.

“You have no idea.” I grumbled. “We had a bio test today. I feel dirty.”

He chuckled. “That bad?”

“Two people walked out in five minutes.”

He whistled but before he could say anything more, Mr. Smith walked in. He was a younger teacher, so he was generally well liked by students.  

“Good morning. We will be starting work on term projects today.” The class groaned in unison. “You will be split into pairs of my choosing.” The class groaned even louder and I put my head down on my desk.

“Fucking kill me now.” I grumbled. Monty must have heard me because he started having a coughing fit.

Mr. Smith began listing off pairs, some of which were met with groans and some with quiet ‘yes’es. “Rachel Jensen and… Montgomery De La Cruz.”

It could be worse. At least he’s not a total idiot. He’s nice enough to me. I turned my head to look at him and he smiled at me.

After all of us were paired up, he gave us a few minutes to make plans for starting the project. “Did you want to come to my place after school and we can get started?” I asked.

“Sure.”

We didn’t have time to iron out anything but we traded numbers and agreed that we would both pull our weights.

As he handed out topic sheets he explained the assignment, “we will be doing this paper a little differently than you may be used to. You will need to write a paper with proper formatting and supporting diagrams and graphs where applicable. We will go over citation in a later class. Most of you are graduating this year and will need to use proper citation come September, lest you risk expulsion from your chosen school. Think of this paper as a trial run of what you will be expected to do in university. It is something I wish my teachers in high school had done to prepare us a little better. We will discuss the paper in more detail over the next few classes, after everyone has a chance to choose a topic. I urge you to pick different topics as I don’t want to read thirty papers on the same idea. If you are unsure about what to choose, please see or email me after class.” With that, he began our discussion for the day.

When class was dismissed, I went to meet Alex and Zach for lunch.

“Rachel.” Justin called after me. He ran to catch up to me.

“Hey bro, what’s up?”

“I picked up a shift tonight. Can I get the keys?”

“What about Clay’s keys?”

“He has an appointment after school.”

“Fine. If I must.” I joked, as though it was a hassle, as I dug around my bag for the keys. I chucked my keys to him and he ran off.

Alex was waiting for me at the cafeteria. “Hey. How was your test?”

“Ugh. You don’t want to know.”

“This is why I switched to chemistry, no Mrs. Jackson.”

“Hmmmm.” I muttered as I grabbed my phone. I texted Monty as we walked to our table. Hey, is it okay if I get a ride home? Justin needed my car and Clay is busy after school. He replied quickly, sure thing. I parked by the gym.

“Who you texting Rach?” Zach asked as Alex and I sat down.

“Monty. We got paired up for a paper in history.”

“Ew. He’ll probably make you do the whole thing yourself.” Alex commented.

“I don’t think so. We made plans after school to work on it. And he’s not dumb enough to think I wouldn’t go straight to Mr. Smith and stick him with a zero.”

“You say that now….” Alex trailed off as I glared at him.

The subject was dropped after that and the rest of lunch went on as normal.

I met Monty at his Jeep after school and we drove in a slightly awkward silence for a time, the only discussion being the odd direction to my house. He broke the tension first, “You know this is probably going to be a nightmare right? Your brother hates me. Justin barely puts up with me at football practice.”

“It will be fine. My dad works at home so he will be home and keep the annoying duo in line.”

“Alright. You’re wrong but alright.”

I shook my head at him, smirking, “so, I feel like I know nothing about you. We’ve gone to school together since we were little.”

“What can I say? I’m a man of mystery.”

“You can tell me what your favourite ice cream flavour is?”

“Mint chip. Yours?”

“Chocolate chocolate chip. It’ll be a left here.” I directed. We went on like that, asking each other menial questions for the remainder of the drive.

“It’s the one in the middle here. You can park in the drive or on the street, up to you.”

He pulled up to the curb and sat for a minute, quiet again as he cut the engine. He sat for a minute before undoing his seatbelt. I got out of the car and waited for him. When he didn’t make a move to get out, I walked around to his door, “we don’t bite you know. Unless you’re into that.” I joked. If it works on Scott, maybe it’ll work on his best friend.

Monty laughed and joked back, “Depends who’s doing the biting. Being bitten by strangers doesn’t rank very high up on the list though.” With that, he got out of the car.

His nerves must have returned “You know I’m right. They don’t like me. And since Justin is basically your brother now, his opinion actually matters. How well do you think this is going to go?”

I rolled my eyes at him playfully as I unlocked the front door. “Monty chill. It’s a project for school. Besides, the boys live in the shed and they showered this morning. You probably won’t even see them.” I said as I took off my coat and hung it up. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and dad cleared his throat.

“Hey pumpkin. How was sch- oh. Hello there. Rachel, I didn’t realize you were having a friend over.”

“Hey dad. School was fine. This is Monty, we got assigned to work on a history assignment together. Monty, this is my dad Matt.” I gestured between them briefly.

Monty waved politely, though it was rather awkward. “Hello Mr. Jensen.”

Dad merely nodded at him.

“Anyway, we have a lot of work to do so we’ll be upstairs. Come on Monty.”

“Not so fast Rachel. You know the rules. No boys in your room without permission.”

I stopped in my tracks abruptly, causing Monty to bump into me. He looked uncomfortable when I turned to look at my dad.

“Oh. The rules. Right. Okay, let me see if I have this straight… Clay and Justin get the garage converted into a bachelor pad minus a shower with no supervision at all. I don’t even get my own bathroom out of the deal. The boys can do whatever they want in there and they can have whoever they want over whenever they want -boys or girls at any time of the day- without discussing it. But I, a girl, can’t have a boy in my room to work on a homework assignment. How is that fair? Because… Why exactly? Even if I wanted to, which I don’t, it’s not like I would do anything with you in the house. That’s just… I don’t even have words to describe how uncomfortable that is. And even if we were going to do what I assume you think we would do, I’ve been on birth control since I was fourteen Dad.” Dad was at a loss for words at my outburst. I raised my brow at him.

“You make a good argument….” Dad muttered.

“I learned from the best. Speaking of the best, when is Mom getting home?”

“She should be home around six. We will discuss dinner when she gets home.” I nodded, accepting his answer and began walking back up the stairs. When Dad made no further objections, Monty followed behind me.

After a few hours of studying and back and forth to decide a topic, my mom got home. “hey, did you want to stay for dinner? I can see what Dad is cooking.” I asked Monty. He checked his phone quickly.

“Uh, yeah sure. If they don’t mind. I don’t want to intrude or anything.” He replied.

“It’ll be no big. Come on, let’s go see what’s on the menu.” I stood and offered my hand to him. We made our way downstairs together. Dinner smelled delicious. I hadn’t realized I was so hungry. “Hey Mom. Is it okay if Monty stays for dinner tonight?” I asked casually.

“Sure thing kiddo. We are making Cajun Chicken Pasta if that’s alright with you?” Dad responded, while he chopped the chicken into pieces. Monty nodded and made no objection.  

Mom took a sip from her water and introduced herself to Monty, “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Lainie. It’s nice to meet you Monty.” Ever the professional, she made sure to shake his hand. Judging his grip, no doubt. She smiled to herself, obviously impressed. She then began asking Monty questions. Not third degree questions by any means, just questions. He answered all of them easily enough and they were able to make some conversation. I had somehow been roped to helping dad cook dinner in while Monty and my mom were becoming friends.

The back-door opening pulled us out of our peaceful quiet. Justin walked in with a box of pastries from Monet’s and placed it on the counter. “Hey Mom. Hey dad. Rachel, Monty.” He greeted us absently. He took an apple from the bowl on the island and began making his way out to the boys room.

“Dinner is in like 15 minutes bud.” Dad said passively. They were still wary of scolding Justin about food close to meals.

Suddenly, he realized just what he was witnessing because he stopped at the door and turned around. Justin scanned the room as though doing a headcount. He blinked a few times when his eyes landed on Monty. “Mom. What’s this here?”

“He is your sister’s dinner guest Justin.” Mom explained.

“Uh-huh. Hey Rachel? Can I talk to you?”

“Sure Justin.”

“Outside please?” I rolled my eyes at him but followed him anyway.

[indomitablemegnolia]

"Hmmm, e.e. cummings, that speaks to my heart; my blood approves, and your kisses are a better fate, than wisdom. Though, going by the poem, it's you who focused on syntax." He kissed me deep and hungry, what could be a better fate.. than this, gripping his lapels I dipped deeper into his mouth, I slid tongue along the roof of his mouth, ending by pulling his top lip in for a small nibble.

"God is this undeniable connection between us, I am pulled to you; this strong pull, like a 400 ton electromagnets, that neither of us through this horrid day could avoid;" I sucked in a deep breath, "when first I looked into your eyes they spoke."

His deep chuckle rumbled, travelling the distance between us, "Now, what did they say to you?"

I raised my eyebrows looking up rather coyly, "Honestly?" He nodded emphatically, I tilted my head smiling with just one side of my lips, suddenly, stupidly, doubting my ability to read people; "they said 'it is you I want.' I know wishful..."

He cut me off with a kiss, pulling me as he laid back, I cuddled into his chest, it was a deep hungry kiss, I felt his wish filled hope; he broke away for air, "It's true," he spokedeliciously between caresses of his lips, "I did," he kissed me deeply, I took over the kiss, manipulating his lips, "mmm I do." He nuzzled my neck. "Back to your first point, that pull, the attraction, it was never one-sided, it was gravity." I giggled, he pulled me closer, looking directly into my eyes, "don't mock, it's as real as the gravity that pulls the tide." He slid those skillful delicious hands along my frame, "as real as the force that pushes your body in for a perfect fit along mine, so close right this moment; we were pulled and pushed together, I am sure if I hadn't trailed after you we would have possibly crashed into each other, hurled by the cosmos."

I was caught breathless by that truth, "I still wonder why... why me? How was I so blessed? I have trouble believing this is real."

"Sweetheart like we talked about, this is your world, you control all of this world;" He kissed me deeply, "let your pain go," he kissed me deeper, "let the hurt go," he kissed licking the edge of my soul, "let the guilt go." He kissed me pulling my body so that not an inch wasn't pressed to him. "What you are imagining right now, that world you control, in this place as real as any pain?"

I moaned my answer, "Hmmmm, possibility." I sat up looking down at him; "what are you imagining?"

He laughed and my toes curled, "I am not sure you want to know."

"Oh, but I do." I kissed him, "I want to know everything you want, everything you imagine; I want to know what you feel, what you want, what you imagine... I want to feel, I am like a robot just awakened, I want to know why me?"

He sighed, resigning himself, "I don't know why you, I have been obsessed since first I saw you; you were at a gate waiting at five a.m., writing in a red notebook like the green one that i have been reading from; your face a mix of both angry and sad; you struck a chord in my heart that I had not heard in a while. I saw you, I didn't just want to capture your attention; I wanted to rip it from you, leaving you breathless; god, I would love taking that beautifully faceted mind to new, unfathomable heights." He kissed me deeply wanting more I clung to him, "You are no robot, I have seen too many of those. You are simply a human who like the tinman forgot there was a heart beating in that breast." His eyes drifting appreciatively to my chest, his hands poised inreverencee; "My imagination is something of its own, but this is your world."

"I don't want to be in this world alone, we both need to be here, we both need to learn each other."

He growled, his eyes rolled, I had finally pushed him onto his uncomfortable place; "My imagination, my wants, my needs are simple; I just hunger to be near you. I would love to just sip coffee and kisses for days; make out like mad teenagers; I want nothing from you, nothing you wouldnt gladly give; all I require from you, all I ask of you, all I want is for this sliver of a moment, a simple time away from time."

He stopped, breathing in sharply, a look crossed his face as if something inside was daring him to tell the unvarnished truth; hallelujah, I have been waiting, angling, yearning, longing for this moment for a while; I simply waited for a few more breaths for that idea that struck so suddenly so deeply his jaw dropped, "Oh, shit." He ran his hand through his hair, dropping his hands, looking up, he sighed as if he'd just had a revelation; I gave him time to let it settle in; he looked away letting out half a chuckle, finally he came to a resolution; I watched the knowledge settle in, his shoulders relaxed, his breath slowed.

He sucked air through his teeth, he looked almost apprehensive, his eyes wary, maybe even a little scared; "I suddenly realize what I must say, what I gotta do; I know now that I need to rip your attention away;" he moved fast, flipping me to my back; "to capture your mind;" his hands framing my face, looking deep in my eyes, "I need to cast these doubts away; the only way to do that correctly is to lay my own soul all the way out, just as you have all this night, in reciprocation; I finally understand it's my turn to lay it all out bare;" he rolled, his knees between my ankles, "I have to be as unashamedly honest, as you have been; I have to let you know my hidden self, and trust that you will not run... I have to trust you with what my imagination screams: I hunger for you, even thoese kisses, these tiny tastes, only whet my appetite for you, I long to devour you, every inch;" his eyes raked suggestively to the flavours he craved, he eased up between so my knees met his knees, crawling along the inside of my legs, his hands slowly sliding up the outside over the robe to my hips, "I need to touch you; I am lost to it," he crawled slowly up my body, "God, I want you, all of you. I have this entire time. I. Want. You. And even more; I need you;" he locked me in place as his arms braced his frame planted on either side of my head; "your eyes, your lips, your mind," he sighed, kissing me softly, "your heart... Lord, your body," he nestled himself between my legs, "I want you;" he took a breath, his eyes sliding over me, "sensually," he kissed me harder doing things with his tongue that made my breath leave in a moan; "sexually," he ground his hips suggestively against me "I want to bury myself so deeply in you that I might drown;" he stopped looking a little ashamed, he kissed me, holding me close, "I want you, simply as a man wants a woman; simple, no rules, no expectations, no explanations; just simply; I know I can't always get what I want; so, basically, I am willing to take as much as you are willing to give." He kissed me softly, slowly, undressing my soul; "I ask you in return, why not you? Someone like you, so beautiful, so open, your ideas so delicious... why not you? Look at your sweet confused face, you have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?" He kissed me soft, "God, so beautiful, but why me?" I must have given him that look again, he set his jaw, "Seriously darling, why me? How was it that you found me, of all beings available, acceptable?"

"Simple," I rolled to where he had left my journal, he tried to reclaim it from my fingers, I slapped lightly at his hands, pulling it farther away from him when he reached for it, I carded through until I found the dress piece; "Read, I knew you, I loved you well before we met." I pushed the book under his nose, he read, his eyes flaring; he looked up. I nodded, "Yup, I wrote of you long before the possibility of you seemed real; look at the date;" I curled my finger over the edge of the book to emphase my point, "ages ago, in a time when I had friends and they included me of their wedding plans; a friend was belabouring the cut of the dress, the flavour of the cake, how the bridesmaids would behave; but always ignoring the fact that her intended was a jerk, who ended up beating her; I wrote that to satisfy my soul; solidly believing that no such human existed; but then there was you." I leaned in close, whispering into his ear; "I want you, I have had to suppress it, clamping my thighs together so many times tonight." I licked the edge of his ear.

His breath hitched, "How, how, I doubt anyone knew me; I didn't even know me, then." I watched him read it again, "I gather you thought all of these were impossibilities to find all together;" he rolled to his side as close to me as possible, that long leg laying over mine like a downed tree; he began reading in that dramatic voice; "I was listening to a friends diatribe about trying to find the perfect wedding dress… It has to have a bit of this or an overlay of that. She was fussing and fawning over the bow details when the Person about to stand opposite of her was of the inadequate material. So I started mulling over who, if ever anyone, I would stand opposite. I thought I would fuss over the important things...

@pedeka who needs to get better...

@keeper0fthestars escape

@iamhisgloriouspurpose curiosity

@writernotwaiting ... if only...

[angelfaceloublog-blog]

13th February

After seeing Jack Whitehall last night, who was absolutely amazing coming home was not the best. Although without Imogen remaining in London and away from home would not have been so amazing. Was so nice to have had a day with Jason having fun and literally not worrying about a thing. Driving down rather than messing around getting the train was definitely a good idea to. 

Had to go to therapy with Anne today as decided to skip it Friday as just do not feel am making any progress what so ever in terms of my eating disorder. Literally every day is binge purge. Yes great I now have my waking weight, at least for the last couple of weeks, at just below, literally just below, nine stone but should that really be what I am aiming for in life? What I see in the mirror should not be that important. I should not care what others think of me. I should be able to ignore or retrain that part of me that sees something hideous, something that others see and feel repulsed. I can’t really do much about what I have been given but I wish my mind would let me give it some respect.

I get so tearful, emotional and overwhelmed when I think about the impact I may be and probably am having on Imogen. What kind of good parent does that to a child? I like to think I am a good parent, I know I am in a number of ways as I have the most amazing daughter who is so perfect in so many ways. BUT what if everything she experiences because of my damn mental health is slowly having a detrimental affect on her. What if she is seeing everything I do to myself and thinking that in some way this behaviour and repeat occurrences are OK? 

Addressed in therapy today and I guess is a main homework, other than my binge purging,  is my self harm to my arms through scratching or letting thedog at them. Feel rather repulsed when I think about what I do but in the same breath rather accomplished and satisfied. I can’t describe why I have this satisfaction. I see the blood that I can tear out from where the cuts are healing and want to get more, want to open the wounds up further, make them bigger so more comes out. See what damage I can make occur, see how big they can become, see how much I can make them fill with pus like stuff under the scab so the scab is soft and I can burst it and inside congratulate myself a little. My mind is evidently twisted. 

I then reflect back on yesterday and the fact yes I didn’t take my insulin I didn’t binge. The first day in blooming ages I did not binge. But was this because I was also drinking cocktails in the day and had a nap (probably due to high blood sugar following 2 Long Island Iced Teas and lunch). Was it the alcohol that stopped me feeling the need to find a way out of Jason’s company to binge? 

Did probably the worst thing I could and googled Long Island Iced Teas. Turns out yes they are one of the most alcoholic cocktails available *yay* but also extremely high in calories. Hmmmm didn’t figure that. Feel disgusted in myself now for enjoying them so much. For goodness sake I had 2 with lunch and a bloody large one after dinner. Not sure why haven’t done the working before. Bearing in mind I can probably drink one regardless of size at the same speed as a normal vodka and diet coke which has around 60 calories, a Long Island Iced Tea has I think 4 types of alcohol and if those are around 60 each that is already 240 then I know I have diet coke and there is a lime wedge, supposedly, well on all the recipes I saw, there is other liquid that I think is rather high in sugar that is never mentioned in the cocktail menu. Most websites advised one cocktail was around 700 calories. Like WTF that is like a dinner, and although I know some of the salads I get in restaurants these days are definitely over this, that is a scary sounding number of calories for dinner yet I had atleast 3 standard size ones yesterday. With the size of them though I would probably think at least 4 of the so called standard size if not more. 

Pilates practice this evening was also disappointing. Ruth is off for the week and so classes being covered by a cover teacher called Flavia. Lovely lady but Ruth as a STOTT pilates instructor is really good at queuing the breath so I know I am engaging the muscles at the best time for each movement and although I know my shoulders get tight, I feel it and at the end of the workout I feel good. This wasn’t the case today, I felt let down. The breathing I found unable to regulate in the exercises I wasn’t really familiar with. I was able to try the more tricky versions of each exercise but then was not sure when and where I was really meant to feel the engagement most. I tried to maintain the rule of exhale when moving but then in some moves there were a number of movements. Frustrating. Then also I have a thing about wording. Flavia uses the word Child Pose rather than Shell Stretch which makes me think she is more used to Yoga. She called what Ruth calls the Hip Roll, a Shoulder Stretch. When we do Shoulder stretch the pelvis is lifted straight from the floor to the diagonal, whereas the Hip Roll comes up to diagonal through unrolling every vertebrae in the spine. The class felt it had less work in it with not as much direction to ensure I was working correctly. Maybe Ruth is just an exception to a standard Pilates instructor and I just have to accept that? I am also going to try out a Pilates class at Dunstable Leisure centre on a day I do not have a class with Ruth or on a Tuesday morning perhaps when I don’t have a class until the evening with Ruth. I love how it makes me feel and am so glad I came across Ruth’s classes. 

Looking forward to tomorrow, Kidstime children’s activity day in Flitwick (Street dancing and African drumming). Really hoping Imogen is able to engage and enjoy it. Am worried she will not want to take part in the dancing but have tried to emphasise it will be fun, it will most likely be a variety of activities to create a dance rather than a hardcore dance class. I offered to pick up Helen, Beth and Alex from Leighton Buzzard as I know she doesn’t drive, so will be nice if Imogen is able to begin the day with a bit of bonding with the girls making her more comfortable to join in the activities. Am really hoping Laura has been able to arrange transport as she is alright to chat to and will pass the day. I know she also gets on with Helen. Charlie would be good to have for the day also. Hoping Shelley and her children have decided to stop coming. So glad I made a comment on my form about their disruptive behaviour as Carly then spoke with Shelley at the end of the last Kidstime to pick up the fact her youngest 3 or is it 4 just do not seem to want to be their. They annoy the hell out of me as even when we were talking about rules and respecting others etc they just ignore it, they do not seem to see  that everyone else is behaving in a totally different manner. I was shocked when I realised Imogen was the same age as one. 

Now I am sat here not even writing on the 13th but at 3:15 on the 14th as if I wrote the above before bed yesterday. Guess until its actually getting up time this morning I can validate this being an entry for the 13th. Am wide awake and only got up to pee. Washing machine has just finished a whole cycle, one benefit of being awake, so I can take everything out. Yay more stuff to add to my growing ironing pile. Wonder if I can get away with emptying the tumble dryer upstairs and putting on the items that I will take from the washing machine. Know there are towels and our bedding, probably some underwear that can be tumbled to. Or would that be dancing with the devil and potentially waking Jason up? 

I’m concerned now though that when I go back to bed and doze off that when my alarm goes off in a few hours, I am just going to be zonked, if that word can make sense). However, I am looking forward to breakfast, not because I am desperately hungry but just because I enjoy it and missed having it at the Premier Inn. If I had been on my own it would have been so easy to demolish so much at breakfast, cooked and continental. Would probably have stuck a purge in there and carried  on. Just make sure I took in enough liquid wile eating to make it nice and easy to bring enough up to mean it was OK to take more in. Would have had a full full English, rather than being worried about taking too much and being concerned in myself about how much I was taking. I would like to try the pancakes toasted, not really with syrup but butter and Jam. I’d also like the crumpets OMG could just load a plate high. The pastries don’t really bother me, neither do the muffins or most of the cereal. The Granola I love but would have it with loads of milk rather than just enough. I hate this food obsession. I hate what I do with it. I hate that I love food. I like the flavours, the textures, the different combinations when put together. I get that feeling I am missing out unless I try everything, but ‘normal eaters’ do not have this silly compulsion. They make a decision as to what they are having, get it and eat it. If they are away at a hotel or on holiday, yes their choices may differ from their usual choice, but it is a one off and is not needing to have everything. 

Bleh, think I have so much stuff swirling in my head but now am at the point whereby nothing can be articulated,I know I need to go back upstairs, I know I need to take the washing from the machine but really can’t be bothered to do it. I will but moving from the seated position I am in seems like a mammoth task. Quite happy with the comfy seated paralysis I kind of imagine I am in. Not moving anything other than my hands to type. My arms are even remaining balanced in one place on the edge of the laptop and I am feeling rather proud that alot of my typing is being done without the need to look at the keyboard. It must be so satisfying for authors to see their work in words being transcribed onto the screen in front of them. Brings a satisfaction that what is in the mind is being recorded and can be looked back through. For a novel or non-fiction book this is obviously 100% required. This journal, not so much, but knowing it is here to reflect back on is a positive in my mind. Just need to get into the hang of writing every day. Will or would help me alot in therapy as would actually remember days. Don’t really want to spurt on about eating behaviours but they are a key point in my therapy and journey I want to make to recovery so guessing they will have to have some input to entries. Maybe it will help me work out my thinking patterns that lead me to binge daily? Maybe then I will be able to make progress. Save my life and stop cutting the length of my life. I so much want to be OK, be healthy, have energy, have concentration, have the ability to be a proper adult, parent, employee, daughter, auntie etc etc. I want to one day and one day soon to own a property decorate and renovate the property so it is beautiful and full of good quality items rather than the thrown together crappy collection of furniture we have here. Like what Aileen and Dean have been able to do. Maybe one day these dreams, which are not ridiculous and too adventurous, will hopefully come true. 

Night Night xx