#i saw the picture and my first thought was actually thats not lou hes not square enough

[lover-of-mine]

i don’t know if you saw all the twt about ryan’s ex and the amount if guns she has at home the way she is supporting trump but last week she was hanging out with lfjr at a shooting range

https://x.com/_mirandaann/status/1854173509171249582?s=46&t=YSbezlwkDDmsivK_uWR45w

Okay, let's talk about this one. That's not Lou. I'm gonna bring attention to the ears, because the ears are clearly different, but Lou's features are also a lot more defined. His jaw is sharper, he's also more muscular. The shape of the nose is also wrong. The guy in Chrysti's video looks a LOT like Lou, but that's not him.

[anythingandeverything1d]

The Tape (part 9)

Part 8

Harry’s pov:

Harry watched her run inside, closing the front door behind her and leaving him on the porch. He wanted to run in after her but it seemed like she had needed some time to cool off, so he sat down on the porch. “Well what an eventful homecoming.” Louis lightly teased, taking his seat next to him.

“Shut up.” Harry mumbled, his fingers massaging his temples. “It’s not funny.”

“I never said it was.” Louis looked over and offered a smile. “What? You don’t think I’ve had my share of management fights?”

Harry sighed and looked up. “I know you have...but that doesn’t mean it makes mine any easier. I mean you heard what she said...I wasn’t there for her. She was in the hospital and I wasn’t fucking there to take her home. Hell, I’m pissed at myself.”

“You do know you can just say no to management. Tell them to reschedule. I know thats not always something you can pull but for something like this...”

“I know....I just wanted to try and get all of this out of the way so I wouldn’t have to worry about her being alone all the time.”

Louis nodded and sighed. “What about the sweatshirt?”

“What do you mean?”

“Was that a twinge of jealousy I heard in your voice? Or were you just appreciating Niall’s taste in clothing?”

Harry sighed and leaned back, looking at the sky. “I’ve never seen her in anyone’s clothes but mine. I know it’s stupid....but when I saw her in it...something just felt, I don’t know, wrong. And then in my head I could just picture her choosing Niall over me.”

“Oh come on, Harry,” Louis groaned. “I’ve never seen a girl more in love with you. I mean, fucking hell man, your sex tape is on the internet with another girl, and she’s still in your house? Don’t you think that counts for something?”

“Yeah, no, I don’t know.” Harry let out a breath, “I’ve just never been more afraid to lose something in my life...not even with like the band or the x-factor....if I had lost those things it would’ve sucked but life would’ve gone on. If I lose (y/n)....I don’t think I could go on. Sounds cheesy to say but like it’s true...she’s the one thing I don’t think I could live without.”

 “I know what you mean.”

Harry laughed, “I thought Niall was the one I needed to watch out for...didn’t know you had feelings for her too.”

“Not (y/n).” Louis smiled and shook his head. “No, Eleanor. I mean we go through these insane highs and insane lows, we break up and then we get back together, but no matter what she’s always been in my life. If not as my girlfriend, then as a friend. I don’t think I could live without that. She’s been through so much with me...she’s stuck by my side through everything. Even having another girls baby...I just...I love her.”

Harry laughed and nodded. “It’s crazy right? I mean remember when we were worried about what we were going to wear and now-”

“Now we are worrying about the ones we love most.”

“I hate it in a way.”

Louis raised an eyebrow but nodded. “It’s a love hate relationship for sure.”

“How do I even fix this Lou?” Harry sighed, his hands tearing at his hair.

“I would say have sex but you know you can’t really do that right now...” Louis laughed but shook his head. “No, you know you just love her. You be honest with her, tell her how you feel, and support her. She loves you...and you love her...just show her that.” Louis stood up and grinned. “You’ll be okay.”

Harry smiled and stood up, hugging Louis briefly and walking back to the porch. “You should take your own advice you know.”

“Maybe I will. You try it first though, let me know how it works.”

Harry laughed and nodded. “You’ll be the first to know.” He waved bye to Louis before wandering back inside and looking for (y/n).

Your pov:

You had stormed inside, leaving Harry on the porch. You knew you were overreacting but so was he. I mean you were home with him, you had confessed your love to HIM, what else did he need to get it locked in his mind that you weren't leaving? You sat down on the couch with a groan. Your body hurt, you smelled from the lack of showering, and you were tired from not sleeping well. You pulled Niall’s hoodie off and tossed it to the floor in frustration before picking it up and folding it carefully. You weren’t mad at the jacket. You were mad at Harry. No, you were mad at management. They always seemed to dictate every aspect of your relationship with Harry and this had sent you over the edge. Why did he have to always put them first? Why couldn’t he just say no? You tried shaking the frustration from your head and wandered up to the bedroom. Maybe a shower would fix it. You turned the water to hot, and slipped inside, letting the power of the water pound into your shoulders. It wasn’t too long before you heard the door open and close softly. 

“Babe...” Harry’s voice hesitantly called out. 

“Yeah?” you weren't mad anymore, but you didn’t know how he was feeling. 

“I’m sorry....”

“Harry-”

“No, stop. You’re right. The hoodie shouldn't matter. It doesn’t matter. I don’t know why I reacted the way I did...”

“Haz-”

“I should’ve been there to take you home...I should’ve stood up to management....”

You didn’t answer, you just stood there, holding your arms and biting your lip while listening to him. 

“I know I made a mistake....well a lot of mistakes...but baby I love you so much. I just don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you....not again....”

Harry waited for an answer but you didn’t have one. He had messed up. You did love him. You also knew he loved you. There wasn’t anything else to add. You tugged the curtain back and smiled softly, meeting his green eyes. “You’re not going to lose me silly.” Harry let out a relieved sigh and smiled, stepping towards you. You grabbed his shirt and tugged him to the shower. He raised an eyebrow but said nothing while dropping his pants to the floor and climbing in. You tugged his shirt over his head and pulled him against you, your lips meeting his softly. “I love you.”

Harry slid his hands down your waist and squeezed tightly on your ass. “I love you too.” His lips pulled harder at yours and his body pushed you towards the wall. You grinned and wiped the wet hair from his face. 

“You know you overreacted?”

“I know.”

“You know you need to stop letting management control you?”

“I know.”

You smiled and kissed him, your hands tangling around his neck, your body pressing to his. You could feel his length pressing up between your legs and you dropped down, eyes locking on his. Harry groaned in anticipated, his hands tangling in your hair. You opened your mouth and took the length in, sucking softly and biting gently at the tip. Harry whimpered, his Bach arching against the shower’s wall. You continued on, keeping eye contact and swallowing what he gave you. When he finished, he pulled you up, his lips attacking yours, his tongue exploring your mouth. The hot water poured over the two of you and he lifted you carefully in his arms, pressing your back to the wall while your legs wrapped around his waist. “I fucking love you (y/n)....” Harry’s lips pulled at the skin on your neck, his hands firmly holding your ass. You looked at him and he looked at you before maneuvering his length inside you. You let out a whimper as he lowered your body farther onto it and his lips refocused on yours. He rolled his hips into yours slowly, before picking up the speed. He pushed harder into you and you groaned. Something hurt, and not in the right way.

“Harry stop...” you cried. He immediately froze, pulling out and looking at you for clarification. You gripped your ribs and his face fell. 

“Are you okay?” He lifted your arm carefully, examining your body for injuries that weren’t previously there. “Shit...I forgot about the no sex rule....” Harry turned the water off and grabbed a towel, wrapping you carefully in it and pulling you out of the shower. “Are you hurt? I’m so sorry babe I-”

“Harry.” you grabbed his towel and pulled him towards you pressing your lips to his. “I’m fine. It’s just....just a little sore that's all.” You gave him a soft smile and kissed him again. “I promise.” Harry nodded, silently padding into the bedroom to change. “Haz...” you whined following him.

“What?” he was angrily tearing through his drawer.

“I’m really okay.”

“Good.” He didn’t even look up and you sighed, moving to change into some pjs. There was no point in arguing with a frustrated Harry. You threw an old shirt of his on and turned to face him. His head was in his hands as he sat on the edge of the bed. 

“H....what’s wrong?” you sighed, sitting next to him with your head on his shoulder. 

“I always fuck things up.” He looked over at you with tears falling down his cheeks. 

“Babe-”

“I cheated on you, I let the sex tape get out, I let you slip away because of it, I finally get you back and then I fuck it up by complaining about your shirt and I leave you in the hospital to go to some stupid meeting, and now, now I’ve actually hurt you.”

“Harry. Stop.” You grabbed his chin and forced his eyes to look at you. “First of all, you didn’t hurt me. I’m fine. In fact, I started all of that and-”

“I should've been more careful, I should have-” 

“Stop. Seriously.” You lightly smacked his arm. “Harry you made mistakes, yeah. Hell, I’ve made my fair share of them too. But we are here now. Can’t we just move forward?” you sighed and looked at him. 

Harry let out a breath and nodded. 

“Thank you.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek and grinned. “Now, I for one am very tired...and I don’t think the doctor said anything about cuddling....”

Harry laughed and pulled you to your feet. He pulled back the covers and held out a hand. “After you.”

You climbed in, settling into your bed with Harry next to you. Everything seemed right. For the first time in forever, you felt at home. 

----

So I know this is kind of short and its been forever since the last one but here it is! One more part to go and the series will be done :P

xoxo

[anyhao-archived]

okay im finally getting around to posting this, tbh i had to take a few days to (rest) before i thought more about this lol. also sorry it’s so long, ill put it under a read more. ANYWAYS my vav experience, as follows:

so for the fan sign there was a Lot going on so i forgot most of it but.. barons teeth sparkled when he smiled lmao anyways st van was first and I told him he was my moms favorite and he went rly?? in a really cute voice and he just seemed so surprised, it was endearing

and then jacob... i don’t mess with him anymore. jk lol he was so freaking attractive but like in a Hot way? his smile was so nice that im pretty sure i garbled my words but i tried to tell him i really like love night.. and I was going to ayno and like idk if i was joking to myself or what but just loud enough i actually said, oh that’s lots of bling! and both ayno and jacob heard me, ayno laughed genuinely and jacob was like omg i can’t believe this idiot.. i don’t think i said anything to ayno, he seemed really uncomfortable so i didn’t want to bother him anymore. but his laugh was genuine i could tell, and for a split second i don’t think he was wearing his Idol Mask(TM) when he smiled. but that’s probably just wishful thinking lol

ACE I CANT BELIEVE HIM he looked so fucking good oh my god i got to him and i called him a Casanova and he went ayyyy with a thumbs up and finger guns and i wanted to die lmfao

when i got to baron he said my name but kinda pronounced it wrong but i corrected him, and he said it again. and then i told him my name rhymes with his and he said mine like four times in different ways trying it out and rhyming it with his stage name😭 HE DIDNT have to say my name that many times, god. his English was so fucking good holy shit and his pronounciation??? Amazing and he’s so handsome up close, like literal Disney prince handsome

ziu talks sooo much!!! I love it and he’s so good looking and kind and he shook my hand and ??? he said to enjoy the show and i told him to enjoy doing the show and he did like a shy smile kind of thing !! you could tell he was trying hard with the English i was rly proud of him

lou had a flower crown on and i complimented on it and he said my name so well and there was more with him but i forgot 😢

but that was just the fan sign lol so much other stuff happened... later during the show i nearly died bc of ayno.. they were picking people to go up on stage, right? and there was a girl in front of me also with her hand raised, like freaking out (maybe a bit too much?) and i was like okay she probably wants it so i kinda like.. stopped raising my hand and gestures to her? If that makes sense... he almost picked her but when he saw me be nice and let her have it, he literally stares at me and picks me, dead on...but someone random that he wasn’t pointing at like ROWS back walked on stage before we could realize it was me but that fucking eye contact i had with him made him SHOOT up my bias list lol now I have to rethink my entire order. im like 75% sure that he picked me because i wasn’t a crazy fan, like the girl in front of me was a bit much.. and obviously if i was willing to give it up im not that insane... ladies, it pays off to be a nice person!

AND JACOB WITH THE BABY please end me i fell for him so much like he’s almost overtaking baron that’s how much i liked him last night and how nice is vav that they tried to pick new people?? like they picked the fan boy, the little baby, the elderly lady.. and they even helped her to and from the stage 💗😍 AND SPEAKING of gentlemanly stuff there was a guy with a wheelchair during the snapshots in line for jacob and when they were done he personally pushed the guy in the wheelchair all the way to where the man needed to go. he breaks my heart and heals it simultaneously, he’s so underrated but still a genuinely and QUIET nice person.. he doesn’t do good stuff to be noticed. like when winter breeze was over, they had the rappers sing it too... but not jacob. i was so upset and he also didn’t do his solo song that i specifically told him i liked, but ayno did two of his. im not bitter at all what do u mean ??? 🤷‍♀️

i feel like more happened at the concert but i can’t think of much more, im sure other fan accounts will have it all. the only thing i can think about is the snapshots anyways lol

the group picture was ... interesting. the hi touch wasnt much except it reinforced my idea that ayno recognized me, bc instead of a high five he held my hand for as long as possible, probably an apology for earlier. i nearly died. the pic ended up looking awful but thats okay lol. then we tried to leave but i ended up going the wrong way, and a staff handed me roughly like actually grabbing my shoulders and pushing me in the right direction (which i did not appreciate, please chill, u just didnt tell us the right way to go...) and a few members saw that and didnt like either. ayno looked irritated but im sure  hes just irritated at everything at that point lol, lou and ace looked at me sympathetically, and i gave ace the happy bday present someone asked me to give to him. he was so surprised it was adorable.

OKAY, NOW FOR THE SNAPSHOTS: so i actually had 7 snapshots but ended up getting 2 with jacob and 2 with ayno instead of one with everyone (which.. if u look above is not a surprise lmfao) so the first snapshot i do is with baron, obviously.. and this ASSHOLE wants to kill me like... for everyone i tried to pick poses that werent too touchy bc a) im not comfortable w that and b) im sure they were all tired of being touched lol so i picked the one where you make fingerhearts while standing next to each other, but NOOOOO

baron decides he doesnt like that pose enough so he literally puts his hands on my shoulders, guides me to a position thats not only in FRONT of him but CLOSER TO HIM than i was originally!!! what the fuck!! thats not all after that he had to lean around me and basically like... he was so fucking close to me oh my god. he smelled so good i need to know where he gets his cologne. also lol when he moved me in front of him i was like... omg are u sure??? im kinda tall.. and he just laughs and smiles and leans into/around me. that picture of me looks so stupid bc i was so.. happy and Not Ready lmao

anyways i go to jacob next and do the e-t touch pose lol since like i said... didnt want touchy ones and he seemed amused that i picked that one. i wonder if it was one of the least popular ones? probably.. and GOD hes rly such a gentleman hottie like i rarely say h*t but.... jacob was hot. since we did the e.t touch pose we had to touch fingertips and (eyes emoji) not to have a hand kink or anything but hes got. really nice hands. long fingers. also lmfao he had long ass fingernails and i kinda joked with him like “youve got longer fingernails than i do!!” and he laughed and smiled at me. and okay i turn to leave like gotta have the next person go but APPARENTLY he wasnt ready for the next person yet...  i literally had to have the staff be like wait! jacob is saying bye to you!!! and i was like WHAT and turned around and ran back to him basically to say bye he was grinning the entire time and he waved his hand and held it up for (i thought) a high five but he grabbed it and i swear i fell for him right there. JACOB WHEN WILL U BE MINE godfjkdgd and i watched him for a little bit but he didnt say bye that enthusiatically to anyone else (that i saw, at least)

then i did the prom pose with st. van, it was adorable. you could tell he was rly trying to interact with everyone and idk what it is about him but i felt comfortable enough to actually do a Touchy pose (the holding arm pose, like prom yknow). we love an amazing leader~

oH i did one with ziu too!! i did the byung byung pose with the hands together and we both looked ridiculous lol. i dont remember much about him except he was so tall wtf taller than i expected.

at this time i keep looking at my pics and THE E.T PIC WITH JACOB??? makes me crack the hell up.... it had to have been fate, obviously. in the pic (from the camera flash, i guess) where our fingers were touching, it just SO HAPPENED THAT THERE WAS A FLASH OF LIGHT......... iconic. jacob n i are meant to be. so i get in line for him again bc i want to show him the pic, but by the time i got up there again i had forgotten. i was also like... ready for a touchy pose with him bc why not. i cant remember what pose i did with him or if anything happened, im sure i was in a trance then lmao. pretty sure he recognized me but i cant be sure. 

then i get in line for ayno and i have two snapshot tickets left, and the staff announces theres only a few mins left so i was like SHIT and figured id just do two with ayno bc i didnt wanna waste any. his line was so long and staff had to keep reminding ppl not to hug/touch him and i felt soooo bad. i picked poses that werent too close to him, and even those in the pic he looked like he was trying to not be close to me lol. i feel so bad for him, im sure he got a lot of weird fans that night. i think he recognized me (again) because he smiled genuinely like he was happy i was there. i think he appreciated that i picked poses that didnt require touching -- he probably had a Lott of that. when the second pic was being printed the staff member laughed at something someone said, but i thought she was laughing at my picture bc i take shit pics and i got offended for a second and so did ayno LMAO but then she explained and i said bye to him and he went back into Idol Mask(TM) and i think that was it. 

i also ate at ihop that night, it was great, we didnt get back to our hotel till after 2am, it felt so... young adult-ish to be out so late lmao. i was very proud at how everything turned out, i dont think i wouldve changed a thing

anyway, long story short: im in love with jacob, baron is a disney prince, ayno shot up my bias list (he was like... last lmao) and i appreciate him as a person. those three were the Big Three, but i still loved meeting the other members. 10/10 would recommend vav

[thisisittheme]

New Life in the Hay

So... It’s been a long time since I have posted anything on here because I suck and have lost track of time just being a floaty weirdo. But basically, since Christmas, a lot has happened. My art has really reached a high burning point and I’m working to quite a high standard. Everything from my books to just random photography and even small doodles turns into stuff I impress myself with. It’s bee really cool, watching Donnie Darko in the cinema reignited a part of my youth from 2012 which I had lost contact with and it really fueled my writing and gave me an emotional boost. I also reconnected with other parts of that year like leaving school, going through counselling, prom and really truly enjoying my life- it’s amazing how music can really take a snap shot of a time era and take you back. Anyways having a renewed interest and perspective on these memories and the stuff I was thinking about and going through at the time has been really amazing for my work.

Unfortunately other areas of my life have felt less great- I’ve been feeling pretty lonely lately- really lonely actually. I think about my ex and catch his eye in a picture and kinda’ get bummed out for myself. I don’t think I necessarily miss him as much as I miss having someone around. I think about how immature I was in that relationship and feel kind of bad but the guy made it very clear he wanted nothing to do with me ever ago so thats kinda fine by me.

Work has also been pretty bollocks. Long story short my colleagues weren’t treating me with respect (bitching about me, trying to get me in trouble and being flat out rude) SO I’m leaving now. Getting some paid time off which is great though. I luckily have made one friend there and she’s so much more worth talking about then the nasty bitches I was originally going to rant about here. Her name is Lou and shes honestly one of the best people I’ve ever met. She’s a good 30 years older than me but we get on pretty well. She gave me lifts in most of the time and we’ d chat. Shes both very mature and very pleasantly immature at the same time. As much as she takes people, issues and work very seriously shes so ready to sit back and have a laugh and a dance. Many a time have we had a good laugh and I’d like to think she’ll stay with me in life. She recently gave me permission to keep in contact ahaha it was after I rang her asking for advice on what to do as me leaving has been so abrupt. The reason I asked her is because shes had an amazing past. She packed up when she was 18 and was a stewoway (sp?) and went travelling all around the world and did all kinds of jobs and didnt come back home for 5 years. I’m so envious of that and she doesnt even brag about it. She left back in October and I’ve really missed, but it was great to hear her voice again.

Since I’ve left my job my lifes been a strange old hurricane that I cant differentiate between destructive and beautiful. It’s not destructive but I get the adrenaline as if it is. Everyday I feel excited to be alive, everything is a treat and everything I do feels so special. Staying up with music and working on my book is great. I still have some work to do towards my apprenticeship and I’m really happy for it, it’s nice to go into college and work on the computers. Its like im back at school- except I have a healthy state of mind and a large sum of money. It’s great to see my friends and not fel the pressure of being confined to a weekend or short useage of holiday or something. It’s good to be able to explore and actually feel like I’m going somewhere with my life. I did so many amazing things, went to so many exotic and crazy places and had one of the best years ever in 2016- like damn I was such a free bird I saw my favourite band ( Bring me the Horizon [dont judge]) live I went to france, austria, london 4 times, stratford upon avon, southampton, bristol and so many just day trips to a bunch of other places and it was so great. Journeys and memories made which I’ll never forget- especially since I’ve started taking photography more seriously. But yeah now I’m even more free I want to work abroad like Lou- I keep getting excited lying in bed at night at the thought of being a grape picker in Spain and just working on some art at night looking out the window, still in my shorts because the weather is so good. Listening to Mac Demarco - My Old Man / Lana Del Rey - Cruel World and Blonde Tongues - Hey Good Lookin’ and feeling so happy. It’s like I’m already there and I want to achieve it. Since getting the first ever print of my book it feels like anything is possible. Anything can be a reality.

This is my “New Life In the Hay”