#i saw a couple posts about them and it kicked my brain into Special Interest Mode

[etherealspacejelly]

if you've never listened to innuendo by queen please do yourself a favour and go listen to it right now. everyone knows the genrebending masterpiece that is bohemian rhapsody, but i never see people talking about innuendo.

they open with absolute headbanging rock that will blow your tits clean off, then they go into flamenco??? then brian plays the electric guitar flamenco style????? then like. choir vocals??? THEN BACK TO ROCK AGAIN.

and the lyrics??? go so hard???

i feel like its So underrated because its not the kind of song you can just. play on the radio. yk? you hear borhap and dont stop me now and we will rock you all the fucking time. and those are great songs dont get me wrong. but you fuckers are sleeping on innuendo and im not having it

someone come here and be insane with me right fucking now i swear to god

[intoanotherworld23]

Loving You Is A Ride

Pairing: Reader x Luke Collins (Scott Eastwood)

Warnings: None

Length: 2902 words

Summary: After getting your heart broken a family friend let’s you stay with them for a while, and you swear off of love. That is until you meet a handsome and charming cowboy named Luke Collins

Alright I was totally inspired by @cevansbaby-dove and @cutedisneygrl to write this since they posted about him! It’s unfortunate there not more fanfiction about this man cause he is just so gorgeous, and I’ve been obsessed with him for a very long time. I hope you all enjoy! Thank you guys so much! XOXO

Check out my other works on my Hall Of Hunks

It's Friday night here at the local bar, and it's already packed full of people. Most of them wearing cowboy hats and girls wearing revealing outfits hoping to take someone home. If you weren't behind this bar you'd be one of those women.

Not that you were the kind of girl to do stuff like that, but your heart was covered in ice at this point. The last thing you wanted to feel was some type of emotion. It was like you had this wall around you, and you refused to let anyone break it down.

Your fiancé had been cheating on you, and you literally caught him in bed with another woman. Next thing you know you saw red and it ended with him getting a black eye and a couple scratches on his face and arms.

Of course you kicked his ass out of the apartment you two shared since it was in your name. Drinking away your sorrows as you wallowed in self pity. Ignoring every phone call and text you were receiving not in the mood to talk to people.

Things started to get so bad you literally locked yourself in your room barely leaving your bed as you laid there in the dark. Barely eating since your body was only craving something that could help numb the pain. Your mother came over and was shocked by what she walked into. She knew something had to be done to get you out of this funk.

Calling up a family friend telling her you needed to get away for the summer. Offering you a job to help her at the bar she owned, and a free place to stay at hers. You weren't going to pass up so you packed a lot of stuff and made yourself at home.

Telling her everything that happened, and she could tell you were hurting. Cassandra was the type of person that would help you out with anything, and do everything she could to make you feel better. Hoping that you working at the bar you would meet someone special with her blessing of course.

The music was blaring as you found yourself having to keep wiping down the counter top and refilling drinks. A couple young men attempting to flirt with you only to shot down none of them peaking your interest. Except one.

Feeling eyes staring at you almost as if he were zoning out. Looking behind you to make sure there wasn't anybody else he was looking at. His eyes still focused on you as you stood there awkwardly wondering if something was wrong with him.

As he was staring you took that time to really look at him. Noticing how faded his light blue flannel shirt was meaning he's either had it for a long time or it was cheap. It was loosely fitted around his thick arms which looked bigger than your head. His aura was just screaming cowboy even though he wasn't in uniform like everybody else.

"You alright there buddy?" Asking him as he snapped out of his day dreaming letting out a dry cough.

"Oh yeah sorry my brain just kind of stopped." Walking up to the bar as he looked away.

"Do that a lot?" You quipped at him making him crack a smile.

"Only when I'm in the presence of someone gorgeous." Showing off his straight white teeth making you roll your eyes. Here we go again.

"Wow I've never heard that one before." Your tone dripping with sarcasm but that just made him smile harder. "You must use that one a lot."

"Actually I've never really used that on a woman before." That was very doubtful giving how smooth he spoke it.

The man was incredibly handsome and you found yourself slightly drooling over him. His face was sweet and kind, like there was something warm there.

This man seemed like he had stories to tell and you found yourself wanting to know more about it even though you didn't know his name.

His dazzling blue eyes were drinking you in as you kept causally working but still focused on him. Feeling his eyes on you the whole time as you tried not to stumble or drop something. His eyes dropped down to your chest for a minute before snapping back up making sure he didn't get caught creeping.

"What's your name?" He raised an eyebrow at you leaning against the counter.

"Y/N." Flipping a rag over your shoulder as you placed a hand on your hip. "You got a name?"

"The names Luke Collins." You swear you've heard that name before.

"Your a bull rider aren't you?" Luke awkwardly coughing being caught.

"Yeah I am."

"I figured you were."

"How'd you figure that out anyway?" Looking around the bar waving your hand around to all the men and women in cowboy hats and boots making him laugh.

"This bar is filled with amateur bull riders I think I know the signs." You honestly didn't really know if these men were, but you just assumed since there was a rodeo arena just up the road.

"You got me there." He chuckled feeling sheepish suddenly around you.

"What made you get into riding?"

"Uh just something I wanted to do." He was getting a little uncomfortable.

"Was your father a bull rider or something?"

For a minute his smile faded away as he looked deep in thought. Part of you felt bad for being so pushy about it, but it was too late now to take it back. His eyes focused on the sticky counter top as his jaw clenched picturing his father that last night he was bull riding.

It's been so long since Luke has talked about this or even mentioned his father. It was still a sensitive subject for him, and even after all these years he still never got over him. No matter how hard he tried to let it go he simply couldn't loosen that grip he had.

"My father was a rider as well." Looking up at you to see your eyes staring at him now hearing that crack in his voice. "He died when I was thirteen years old."

"The bull threw him down on his head and he never recovered." He continued on as you nodded along feeling complete sympathy for him. "I wanted to continue his legacy."

Luke was trying to control his breathing not feeling like crying in a bar full of people. Especially not in front of you otherwise he would die of humiliation. Just like you he sometimes would bottle things up so much until he would explode.

He seemed so genuinely nice and down to earth. Feeling your whole being gravitating towards him, but knowing to still keep your hands up maintaining that distance. The last thing you wanted to happen was to get too close to this guy only to get your heart broken and stomped on.

"I'm so sorry." Looking down to see your hands gripped a towel so hard you felt your skin would burst. "It was wrong of me to ask."

"Are you kidding me?" He half heartedly chuckled making you look back up at him. "I'm glad someone asked instead of just assuming my story."

"Well I think it's incredibly sweet you are doing it for him." Smiling at him Luke returning it showing off his pearly white teeth.

For some reason you felt guilty flirting with him like this even though you were single, but your mind couldn't wrap around that just yet. Maybe this was too soon to be thinking about being with someone else.

There was a moment of silence between you two as you helped other patrons in the bar. Like stayed there waiting for you to finish which completely surprised you. Figuring he'd waltz off to find some pretty girl or his fellow riders to chat with.

"So you got someone waiting for you at home Luke." He awkwardly laughed scratching the back of his neck.

"Nope I don't." Quirking an eyebrow at him feeling like he was lying.

"I find that hard to believe." There was no way a man like him didn't have some gorgeous woman wrapped around his arm. "I bet she's gorgeous and just perfect."

"Well if you meet this woman can you tell me." He joked back making you roll your eyes at him.

"What about you?" Taking a sip of his beer asking you the same question that had you halting not wanting to discuss him. "You got somebody waiting for you?"

"Not anymore." A hint of sadness in your voice as you now avoided his eyes.

"I bet there are a million guys waiting in line just to get a chance with you." He was just being nice you thought to make you feel better and you cracked a weak smile at him.

"Afraid not." Getting back to your work completely avoiding him now feeling that brick wall get closer and closer to you.

"You probably just don't notice them is all."

His words were true countless guys flirted with you and tried to get your number, but it just went over your head.

It wasn't his fault he wouldn't have any idea about your past relationship. He would have no idea you were once engaged and completely happy.

Luke was simply asking you because you did, and he actually was genuinely curious. You were someone that Luke would go out with, and you were his type inside and out. There was something about you he wanted to get to know.

This guy felt like he stood a chance with you, and even though you two were flirting you kept a distance not wanting to lead him on or let him catch feelings.

"Hey Y/N hon can you go in the back and get some more cases of beer?" Cassandra's chirpy voice called making you turn your attention towards her.

"Yeah sure thing." Leaving the bar as she took over walking towards the back feeling like someone was watching you.

Grabbing one case you felt like you were strong enough to carry two. You were completely wrong as you struggled to carry the two boxes laughing to yourself at having no upper body strength. Your hands were starting to hurt as you tried to get a firm grip.

Luke noticed you had been gone for quite a few minutes so he decided to go make sure you were okay. Looking around to see you standing there knees slightly bent as you struggled getting the beer. Laughing to himself seeing that determined look on your face reminding him of himself.

"Need some help?"

His voice making you jump slightly as he jogged up to you grabbing the box on top your arms feeling less pressure.

"Jesus Christ you scared me." Turning to look at him laughing at the wide eyed look on your face. "I've got it."

"Doesn't seem like you do." He argued back smiling softly as he stacked another box in his hands with ease making you scoff.

"Show off." Mumbling under your breath as you followed him back to the bar.

Dropping the boxes off on the floor as Cassandra looked between you and Luke. A smile on her face as she smiled with a shake of her head knowing you bit off more than you could chew with the crates.

Underestimating how heavy those suckers were, and also you were as stubborn as a mule.

Luke walked back over to where he was standing as you got back to work. You could tell he was keeping his eye on you, and wanted to further your conversation. Cassandra could sense that too, and knowing her she was going to rub her hands and work her magic.

"Why don't you go on your break now?" Grabbing your hand as you looked around noticing the crowd wasn't going anywhere soon.

"Cass I can't leave you alone." Shaking your head as Luke beamed at the opportunity.

"Oh please this is nothing I can't handle." Giving Luke a quick wink as you looked away grabbing your purse underneath the counter top.

Cassandra knew exactly what she was doing, and she was good at doing it. She noticed the way Luke was watching you all night, and she hasn't seen you smile like that in such a long time. It was a familiar look that you got when you first met your ex fiancé.

Shooting Luke an apologetic look as you shrugged your shoulders giving him a wave as you shuffled through all the people. Giving a last turn back look you see Cassandra talking to Luke as he nods his head with a bow. Wondering what exactly they'd be talking about.

Luke quickly finishing his beer as he turned around to the doors you walked out of hoping you would still be in the parking lot.

Hearing a couple of his friends waving him over as he shook his head and kept walking towards the exit determined to catch you.

Looking around he spots you standing by a silver jeep leaning over the back seat messing with something. He also can't help but notice how your shirt was rising exposing your soft skin to his eyes.

Stopping his thoughts from getting any dirtier as he walked over to you standing there with his hands in his front pockets clearing his throat.

"Nice ride."

His sudden voice makes you jump turning around your back against the car as you placed a hand over your heart. He was really going to have to stop scaring you like this.

"Shit, are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Trying to slow your heart rate down knowing it wasn't some killer stalking you.

"Sorry wasn't trying to scare you." Apologizing with a concerned smile as you crossed your arms across your chest.

"That's twice now you've snuck up on me." You teased. "Three strikes and you're out Luke ."

"I promise it won't happen again." Crossing a finger over his heart making you giggle.

"Let's hope not I'm still too young to have a heart attack." That made him laugh as he awkwardly stood directly in front of you now.

"So did you need something from me?" Looking around quickly then back to him asking him raising your eyebrows at him.

"Actually yeah there is something I wanted to ask you."

Luke was nervous and he didn't know why afraid that a beautiful woman like you would reject him so quickly it would make his head spin.

He figured someone like you flirted with guys like him when you worked to get bigger tips. Not being the type of guy to throw himself out there like that. Usually girls came up to him, and he never really had to work to get a girls attention.

"Yeah?" Having a feeling you knew exactly where this was going gulping so loudly you felt he heard it.

"I was wanting to ask if you wanted to hang out some time."

Your breath hitched as you thought how to let him down easily. Trying to find the right words but straining to speak once you saw how adorable he looked right now. He looked like some lost little puppy dog on the side of the road just waiting for someone to pet him.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt you to just give the guy a chance. It's been too damn long though since you've just hung out with a guy. Thankful he didn't use the term date meaning he wasn't exactly looking to move so quickly.

"Yeah sure why not." Your answer had him smiling from ear to ear making your cheeks feel like they were burning.

"I'm not that bad I promise." He joked as you smiled softly at him.

"I don't know about that I've heard about you bull riders." You mused fiddling with your car keys.

"The only rider you'd have to worry about is Jared Middleton."

Staring at him like he just grew two heads having no idea who he was even talking about noticing the confused look on your face. Something he didn't really want to get into already.

"That's for another time."

"I'm gonna hold you to that." Pointing a finger at him as he chuckled.

Exchanging your numbers as he put his name on your phone under handsome rider with the bull emoji making you laugh. Of course you put your name as 'that girl from the bar' snickering to yourself as you did it.

"I'll uhh text you." Motioning to his phone as you nodded opening the driver door.

"I look forward to it Luke." Watching him as he walked away back inside his figure disappearing into the crowd.

Your mind was telling you to just let him down easily and tell him you're not interested. Then again your heart was telling you to go for it. It was becoming all too confusing on what you should do. Knowing you can't be single for the rest of your life, and shut everyone that comes into your life out.

As you closed the door you sat there with your hands on the steering wheel. Staring straight ahead as you realized what you were about to get yourself into. This could either end good or completely horrible.

"Fuck." Whispering as your face hit the steering wheel.

——————————————

Tag list for everything: @iam-laiya @rosie-posie08 @madzleigh01 @alwaysclassyeagle @mytbel0st @shanimallina87 @marvelstarker-mha98 @powellssugarbaby @lora21 @kmc1989 @cookielovesbook-akie @adaydreamaway08

[animation-is-my-jam]

Hiii! I'm wondering what was the reason you ship tobecky? What moment did you feel that "oh yeah this is my otp!

Hello! Thank you for the ask!! (^.^)

Oh boy, okay then, strap yourselves. Call me Captain Tangent because I'm going to take too long getting to the point, but yippee!!

Alright, first is the context before the context. I watched Wordgirl during the original shorts that were between Maya and Miguel since I was a PBS kid (cable was inconsistent). During that time, I watched it up until season 4, when I dropped off in favor of other stuff. From that time, I do remember that I wasn't a Tobey x Wordgirl(Becky) fan. Instead, Tobey's crush on Wordgirl flew over my small head, and I was a Scoops and Becky truther because apparently, I recognized Becky's crush on Scoops more. (I didn't know what shipping was exactly. All I knew was that I liked to pair characters up in my head or be invested in romantic tension. EXs: Robin and Starfire in OG Teen Titans, Tiana and Naveen, ...Pleakley and Jumba...)

When about season 4 started, I didn't try to see what the show was up to until after the Miss Power special, where I curiously searched up Wordgirl on the family computer to see what happened. There then I found SuperstarWordgirl's art and amvs about Tobecky. Remember, I forgot about Tobey's crush, so I was just confused about why people wanted to see them smoochy kiss (I was like: "What?? Doesn't he dislike her? And she has the other boy??")

I was puzzled and embarrassed seeing shipping amvs, so I left it alone, only searching it up a bit on ff.net because I used it for mlp fics, and yup still was confused so I didn't hear of Wordgirl by then.

--Then, my mind broke in 2016. With animated movies like Zootopia and Finding Dory, I started to develop fixations beyond MLP and lurk into fandoms where I discovered Tumblr. (I was in the mlp fandom before, but I wasn't overtly active or multifandom yet, and was still a kid, so I was in very much danger and scarred for life to the point of my development but that's for another day--). Later that year, with the release of Sing, I really kicked into gears of wanting to make stuff/make friends with similar interests. Yada Yada, eventually over a year with being on Tumblr, I started to see posts about childhood nostalgia, and the PBS ones caught my eyes. Wordgirl was a big one, and superhero stories were getting interesting for me again, so I nodded and respected it. BUT THEN I SAW A POST SAYING THAT there was a canonical gay couple in Wordgirl, and I ran straight to the tag--look I was invested highly into gay shit so once I heard about it...in a PBS show? In my childhood show? I was like, OKAY, LET'S HEAR IT OUT.

And yes indeed, to whom that post was referring to...was TJ and Johnson... (What I didn't know, that was just when Liz confirmed stuff on tumblr for the last season like two years ago), BUT REGARDLESS, I GOT INVESTED BECAUSE GAY PPL REAL!! So yes, guys. You technically have Tjohnson to thank for getting me into the fandom and, yes, eventually to ship Tobecky.

Getting into the Wordgirl tag, I was very excited and comforted by all the art and tight-knit unity the fandom had. Headcanons, fan arts, and crossovers with stuff like other PBS shows or Captain Underpants, it really put me in a place of whimsy at the time. (remembered I was in places like the brony fandom, so by comparison, i was safe) and I was in the starting phases of high school too, so yep, seeing nostalgic wonderful art did my brain good. My fixation of animated movies waned, and I dipped deeply into Wordgirl, other cartoons, and video games. Because I was lurking in the Wordgirl tag, it wouldn't take long to see Tobecky again, along with other ships. Then it finally dawned on me after seeing clips posted that Tobey definitely had a crush on Wordgirl. And well...I'm a sucker for anything romance and especially since I missed that detail before so I went on YouTube for more clips. This was before the resurgences of ppl posting Wordgirl stuff, so I then went to deviantart for answers and got obsessed with this one artist on their Tobecky art. Like I didn't ship it yet, but I liked it. Eventually, after a few weeks on the Wordgirl tag, I kicked the bucket and watched the full show (I actually watched it through a tumblr masterpost link AHH THE MEMORIES) but regardless, after watching everything, yup....it became a hyper fixation. But what about Tobecky? So, I mentioned before that it wasn't until re-watching the four seasons again and seeing for the first time the other seasons that started to ship tobecky. Specifically, Have You Seen The Remote. I was already a bit intrigued since the first episode (because I like for one-sided infatuation relationships), but the whole thing with Tobey trying to say how much he and Wordgirl could get along and how they're similar in some ways...he was trying to convince her on their potential chemistry; but all he did was convince me lmao.

I liked their dynamic that wasn't just romantic, too, and i stewed on it for a bit and reached the conclusion like I did with Tjohnson. That yes....shipping time. I made it to the last Tobey episode, and it just confirmed deeply that out of any other woodview school character that I liked her best with Tobey (the note dude, the note was my roman empire, similar to the scene of TJ getting bashful over Johnson complementing him in what would Wordgirl do). I was critical of the ship itself, especially after catching up with it's fandom lore and it did kinda made feel a tad guilty, but at this point I've made peace that I can like this ship but also talk shit because of my love for it (you can be analytic guys it ain't gonna kill you, but also be respectful and don't bully others).

Becky is my favorite character, and Tobey is my favorite character to analyze, so match made in haven, I suppose. Plus, i liked my spin on them in a timeskip setting, and AHH-- (*Future AU happens*). The fics only made it worse by how Tobecky began to infest my brain. Shout out to Something Hidden. Yeah, also, as I mentioned, after finishing up Wordgirl, that's when I really started to break out of my shell in the fandom and express my ideas and care for Tjohnson and Tobecky. I have never been sane since...

[fairytalesandfandoms]

anyway, some backstory for recent posts

Surpising emotions about rediscovering an old interest

under a cut because 1) length 2) Homestuck is mentioned and I get the impression some people don’t like it very much.

Let us turn back the clock to spring 2008. I was in high school and my Standard Grade exams were just a couple of months away. I had a lot of favourite media, but relevant to this story are examples such as: Treasure Planet, Dan Brown books (which I have definitely left behind in that era, but for a while they were definitely A Thing in my brain), Operation Red Jericho by Joshua Mowll, The Mummy, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Pirates of the Caribbean and Indiana Jones. Hopefully you’re sensing a theme here: I would absolutely devour anything with an adventure/mystery combo, especially if it involved codes, maps, riddles, secret organisations etc. And one day, probably a weekend afternoon, we switched on the TV to find this film was on.

And that film... was National Treasure. And surpise surprise, during the scene inside the Charlotte (and over the course of the rest of the film) I got attached to Ben Gates like a limpet.

Things then followed a pattern which had already become very predictable in my life. I liked a character, which then quickly merged into liking an actor (in this case, Nicolas Cage) and of course then Special Interest Brain dictated that I then had to watch as many of his films as I could. Over the next few years I saw... pitifully few of them, now I’ve finally got up the nerve to look on IMDb, but enough to make it a thing (6 before I went off to uni). Unfortunately, because I am notoriously bad at keeping my interests to myself whether I want to or not, my family inevitably finds out within, like, a week of any new obsession, which as a teenager embarrassed me very greatly (and still does a bit). My mum did try to relate to me with such things (she even got my dad to watch one of the National Treasure movies but I don’t think he was that bothered about it tbh), but that usually only made me awkward because I was watching things with my mum and it was embarrassing.

My Nicolas Cage-watching would get one last hurrah in 2010, when I went to see the university film society’s screening of Kick-Ass in freshers’ week. Again, obsessed. Obsessed enough to go as Hit Girl for Halloween that year, but we all know the drill by now - the highkey messed-up (but my kind of messed-up character, with a tragic backstory, incredible combat skills and a cardigan) Damon Macready was really the blorbo of choice.

But what happened then? Why did I go from this high point to trying to avoid mentioning Nicolas Cage as much as possible? Two words: ‘the’ and ‘internet’.

I was already aware that some of Cage’s films were, to put it bluntly. not great. I had felt the cringe a bit even as a teenager, but I soldiered on. However, when I discovered social media and other similar websites, all the memes and jokes and so on made me even more embarrassed about it, and I felt like no one should ever know because I was worried that then even people whose opinions I respected would just laugh at me and tell me I had no taste, and other things of that nature. Some of those jokes were probably exaggerated for comic effect, but I’m really bad at judging tone and to me they read as straightforward mockery or dislike.

Fast-forward to 2023, a week or two ago. I have just moved to a new flat and have no wifi yet. But clever me thinks “ah, but I have the Unofficial Homestuck Collection saved to my laptop, which requires no internet, and the whole new-job-new-flat hassle means I did get behind on my routine catch-up reading. Let’s do that.”

Those of you who are familiar with Homestuck probably knew where this was going as soon as you read the word in this post. For those of you who don’t know, one of the main characters in Homestuck loves the movie Con Air. It’s referenced at least a few times (I’ve just started Act 5, so there may be more to come). There’s one scene (pp. 1660-1666, CW for some ableist language on the last page) that just really made me emotional because it connected this film with the friendship of two of the characters, and it was like a switch was flipped back on in my brain. Or more like pulling down one of those giant switches they pull down to give electricity to Frankenstein. I felt like I had gone through the cringe and come out the other side. I had to watch Kick-Ass and I had to watch it now. Or at least as soon as I got a free two-hour block of time. 

And then after a few days of reliving autumn 2010 (complete with Lady Gaga songs), I had to watch National Treasure. And I vowed that as soon as I got wifi I would watch The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, which I had made myself avoid when it was first out. And now I have. I’m not quite on Javi’s level, because 1) I don’t have Javi’s budget and 2) I would have drawn the line at the sequinned cushion. But let me tell you, teenage me would have gone absolutely feral at that movie. I probably would’ve felt like I shouldn’t be allowed to watch the sauna and pool scenes, for a start. (Thankfully, I’ve become more chill and less wound-up about that sort of thing, relatively speaking.) But god, I had to really get up my nerve to make that ‘what is the internet’s opinion’ post. Now I’ve done that, and gone to the tags in a roundabout way by searching for related movies first and then tag-hopping, it’s a lot less scary. I even managed to look up IMDb, and ignore my brain shouting ‘THE SEARCH ENGINE WILL JUDGE YOU’.

So, my Nic Cage obsession is back “not that [it] went anywhere” (yes, that’s a reference to The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent). More to come, if I can find good content. Unless he gets overtaken by Good Omens

And in the spirit of the aforementioned Homestuck character, I leave you with Rosie, referencing a story I haven’t finished reading and a film I have never seen (YET. BUT SOON).

[alfgifu]

Fic analysis 12. Showing them in words or deeds

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48460747

Word count: 3,862

Chapters: 1

First posted: 9th July 2023 

Summary: 

Cliopher has been able to sense his Radiancy's emotions since his first year working as his secretary.

This changes less than you might think - until the day it changes everything.

How and why this came about

In retrospect the couple of prompts I asked for and filled were something of a harbinger… at the start of July 2023 the wonderful elikabeha began to coordinate weekly Nine Worlds fic prompt challenges on discord.

These weekly themed prompts picked up on ideas that had some resonance with the fandom and the first was ‘Touch AU’, that is, fic where physical touch creates an empathic and sometimes telepathic bond (usually) between his Radiancy and Cliopher. The golden marks/burns that the emperor’s touch conveys in canon feature heavily. This whole subgenre was kicked off by SuninGlory with her lovely fic Touch, which is still one of my favourite comfort reads.

I was in a contrary mood that week and excited to have a prompt, so I decided to take it in as different a direction as possible - what if an empathic bond formed and these two noodles just never acknowledged it? Would it make any difference?

I started writing intending to sketch my way across the arc of canon until I hit a scene where even Cliopher Mdang couldn’t ignore the impact of an empathic bond with his totally normal boss. That took longer than expected.

What worked and what didn’t

I really really wanted this to be a quick response to a prompt rather than the start of yet another monster fic, so I was trying very hard to skim across events. That forced me to summarise tightly, which produced an interesting effect - a condensed but still readable account that runs from Petty Treasons through the first half of Hands of the Emperor and diverges only to explore the ways in which Cliopher might act differently if he could sense his Radiancy’s emotions.

What I learned from writing it

This felt like a gremlin option when I was writing it, but the joke was the premise not the fic. Perhaps because of that, and because I hadn’t planned the ending and just stopped the moment I found a scene that went substantially differently from canon with a different set of assumptions, I didn’t really think of it as a serious attempt at a story. I was surprised and remain surprised that it worked so well for readers. It’s been one of the more popular things I’ve written (it also got recc’ed on tumblr a few months after I wrote it, which probably helps).

So this was the first place I saw in practice that what appeals to me as a writer and what appeals to a reader doesn’t necessarily line up as expected.

This was also probably the first moment it really came home to me that my writing speed is pretty fast, most likely in part because I enjoy the process of writing so much that it can flood everything else. I’m autistic in a highly verbal way and my brain is only really happy when locked in deep concentration. Around this point I switched from using reading to using writing to channel my desire to be constantly ‘in the flow’. Conditions were pretty much perfect - the prompt challenges gave me a range of varied subjects to think about, the supportive community gave me a place to work out ideas and an ongoing source of validation, and the longer fic I was working on in the background meant that I always had something to think about.

None of this felt like a special skill. Writing well is a skill; writing fast is - for me - an attribute, a feature of the way my brain works, no more a choice than having blue eyes is a choice. But it did feel like a stroke of luck: this thing I enjoyed doing was something other people enjoyed reacting to.

Spoiler alert: this did not encourage a 100% balanced response in my needy little soul.

[rollingthunderthighs]

Daredevil - Haikyuu x Reader

Summary: Tanaka (y/n), younger sister of Tanaka Ryunosuke! You’ve been watching your brother play volleyball since you both we just kids. You found your own passion, which you quickly gave up on due to... reasons. It happened halfway through your last year of middle school, then having to go to Ryu’s practices after school to wait to walk home with him. After spending your last year along side him and the team, you’ve come to cherish your time with Karasuno’s Volleyball Club. Now that you’re entering high school, you decided you wouldn’t go back to the past and stick with your new found interest; to help Kiyoko with managing the team of lovely crows! However, these other first years are something else; will you be able to handle them? Will you be able to handle your over protective brother? Most importantly, can you find your own wings while helping the others fly high? The past can’t stayed buried forever after all.

Pairings: Karasuno First Years x Reader; Kei Tsukkishima x Reader; Tadashi Yamaguchi x Reader; Tobio Kageyama x Reader; Shoyo Hinata x Reader

Warnings: Cursing

MASTERLIST

-----

Chapter 1 - First Day Back

-----

“Oni-chan,” you sigh, irritated at your brother as he put his jacket on, “Can you hurry up?”

Your brother simply waved you off, glancing at you with sleep still prominent in his eyes. You sigh again, louder just so he could hear it.

You love Ryu, you do, but having to deal with him in the morning was nothing short of a pain; he was always half asleep, always slow. Half of the time you would start to walk without him, having to contain an eye roll as he’d run to catch up with you. Even though he was a year older than you, he had insisted on being a good big brother and walking you to Oujitsu Middle. However, now that was all different, you were finally attending Karasuno along with him so he didn’t have to worry about taking you to school and running to his own. 

Once he finally decided to move his lazy ass, you both left the house with silent goodbye to your sleeping elder sister. You smooth your skirt, glaring at him from the corner of your eye. 

“Oni-chan, it’s my first day you know, you could’ve tried to put in a little more effort to leave early so we wouldn’t be late.”

“Ah, sorry (y/n)-chan. It’s just hard to wake up in the mornings, yanno?” He yawns loudly, arms raised high as he stretches.

“Maybe you should go to bed sooner, instead of kissing photos of Kiyoko-senpai all night long-”

“Hah, shut up punk I do not!”

He threw his arms around you, trapping you against his chest as he brought a hand up to give you a noogie.

“RYU YOU JERK, LET ME GO!”

“THEN DON’T MAKE OF YOUR AWESOME BIG BROTHER!”

You swat his hands away as he laughs at the mess of your hair.

“Ne, that’s a good look for you, (y/n)-chan~” He teases.

“You’re worse than nee-chan.” 

He shudders at the mention of your guys’ sister, and you take that moment while he’s distracted to strike; you smack the back of Ryu’s shaven head, the sound loud and sharp.

“Ouch, what the hell!?” He whines, rubbing his head tenderly.

“That’s what you get,” you huff, fixing your appearance before sticking your tongue out at him, “not my fault you decided to go bald, jerk-suke!”

“You’re so lame, nerd-(/n),” he grunts, shoving you lightly as the gates appear in your line of sight, “Now get to class before I kick your ass. You want help on where to go, need me to walk you?”

He stops at the gate in hopes you’d accept, but pouts as you continue walking and wave him off.

“Nope, I’m good. Thanks anyway, oni-chan, I’ll see you after school.”

“We’re practicing at the gym right after!” He yells out, sighing as you only wave him off once more.

Tanaka clicks his tongue, a little worried about you, but overall knowing you’d be fine. With what happened after last year, he felt bad that you felt as if you had to stick with him at his own club, but if that’s what you wanted then he wouldn’t push it.

As long as you were happy, he didn’t care; it also helped that he wouldn’t have to worry anymore, knowing you’d be a couple feet away.

After walking away from your brother, you head up to the board to see the class lists posted, trying to find your class. You spot your name on the roster and head towards class four, still a little in shock of how you made it to the college prep class, your exam scores not only shocking you but the rest of your family. Your two older idiot siblings had always managed to just barely scrape together passing scores; well you had to give Saeko some credit, she was in college after all-even if she really didn’t care about her core classes.

You got to your class with no problems, but were somewhat dreading the idea of walking in since you expected it to be somewhat full with classes starting soon. You weren’t late, per say, but you were by no means early.

‘Thanks oni-chan.’ You think bitterly, sighing as you slide the doors open.

To your frustration, your assumption was correct; the classroom was already full of first years, and you had to hold back an irritated groan as all the good spots were taken. Glancing around, you spot a seat that was going to have to be the next best thing for now; it was somewhat towards the back of the class, the next seat over from the window-the seat you truly wanted. Slipping off your bag from your shoulder, you hang it on the hook beneath your proclaimed desk as you sit down with a gentle breath of relief. 

Light music catches your attention, moving your head ever-so-slightly to peer at the boy sitting next to you. His headphones were playing loud music, the genre hard to catch as it was muffled just enough to leave the people around him wondering what it could be. You take in his appearance, short blond locks and thin framed glasses that hid his eyes; he was also pretty tall, even though he was sitting down you could tell. He looked as bored as you knew you were going to be as the day progressed-

Hell, you were already bored and the day hasn’t even started yet.

You had intended to turn away right after the initial glance, when his sharp gaze met your own; you had been taken aback by that single look, his face remaining unchanging but those now visible amber eyes overflowing in emotion.

The contrast intrigued you.

You purse your lips, overall unaffected by his stare, before turning to look back towards the front of the classroom. A grunt of distaste fills your ears, and you bite your tongue to hold in a retort. You continue to tell yourself to ignore him, not wanting to get caught up in drama on the first day.

Your eyes unintentionally flutter back over to the boy as his music comes out crisper, his headphones sliding off his head to rest on his shoulders. 

It wasn’t like you were trying to stare, it was just the music had caught your attention.. 

So when his eyes instantly caught your gaze again, eyes now a harsh glare, you knew that you wouldn’t avoid the drama this time. 

“What do you want.”

You raise a brow, his voice sounding calm despite the look on his face.

“Nothing?”

“Then, could you stop looking at me.” His tone turned upbeat, a sickly sweet smile on his face.

You wanted to gag at how fake it was.

You click your tongue instead, giving him a once over before staring straight back into his eyes with your own steady gaze. You weren’t going to lose this, whatever it was.

“Then could you keep it down next time? I, and I’m sure anyone else, wouldn’t want to look at you without reason. Thanks.” You shoot him the same fake smile he gave you.

You saw his smile falter, and you just stare, amused at his crumbling facade. 

“You must’ve had a good reason then, since this wasn’t the first look, midget.”

“Hah,” you both glare at each other, the tension rising, “you’ve got some nerve-”

“Nerve, smarts, height. Everything you don’t.”

You felt your face contort, knowing your inner Tanaka-special-look was shining through. This guy looked anything but intimidated, looking down at you with amusement instead.

“Seems like I have all the looks too, what an ugly face you’re making there, chibi-chan. Is that why you’ve been staring at me, hm?”

The anger coursed through your body, about to push yourself to stand when a brunette sitting in front of the blond turned around, waving his arms.

“Tsukki, you shouldn’t tease like that,” he glanced at you with a shy smile, “S-sorry about that, please don’t take any offence.”

You raise a brow in question, looking at both boys before sighing out as you settled into your seat again. Your gaze turns from the freckled boy, who looked distressed and exasperated all at once, and towards the blond asshole to your left. 

“Tch, make sure you keep your sass to yourself, Tsukki.”

“Don’t call me that.” He snapped, and you only snicker at his frustration.

“Or what? What are you going to do, Tsukki-chan~.”

The sensei walked in right after, cutting off anything he was going to say.

It was always to get the last word in, especially when you got looks like that; amber eyes burning in annoyance. 

-----

The rest of class went by without a hitch; the welcoming ceremony was held right after lunch, and you felt yourself snickering as you saw the-painfully obvious-wig atop your vice’s head. However unfortunately, you were forced to stand next to Tsukki, being his desk neighbor and all.

“You laugh at the most idiotic things, chibi-chan. You must only have a few functioning brain cells.” He gave a smug smile.

“Oi, do you ever shut up? Attention wh-”

“Y-you guys might want to quiet it down..” Yamaguchi, as you learned during the lunch period you spent with them, whispered from in front of the both of you.

You had decided to stay in your seat for lunch and, to your dismay, the grumpy blond giant and his friend had the same idea. You didn’t want to hurt your pride by seeming like a coward, so you stayed in your seat and faced him head on instead of getting up and running away.

The entire lunch period was full of insults and fighting between the both of you, to which poor Yamaguchi had tried to defuse. You realized you liked the brunette, he was nice-maybe a little dumb considering he was friends with the asshole, but nice. Although, he did join in on throwing some teases your way, but you thought they were more cute than anything. He had blushed when you said it out loud, and you could only laugh at his flustered expression. 

“Ah, sorry Yamaguchi-kun.” You sigh loudly, causing other students to look at the scene. 

Yamaguchi flushed at the attention, turning back to the speeches as Tsukkishima huffed another insult under his breath; an insult you gracefully ignored, not wanting to get in trouble on your first day for yelling in the auditorium.

-----

Once the academic school day ended, you felt a slight amount of excitement shoot through your body, knowing your brother had practice and you’d get to see everyone again. As soon as the bell rang you sprung out of your seat, rushing down to the changing rooms and changing into one of your old track suits. You brought it with you because you really didn’t feel like wearing the schools, plus this one was much cuter anyways. 

You hadn’t worn it in a while, not since..

You shake your head, pushing those old memories from your mind as you head down to the club room, hoping to find your brother, but spotting someone even better.

“Suga-kun!” You wave excitedly as he comes down the stairs.

His shocked expression quickly turns into a smile as you meet him at the bottom. 

“My my, (y/n)-chan,” he laughs while pinching your cheek, “It’s been a while hasn’t it, look at you!”

You blush at his antics, brushing his hand off with a giggle. Sugawara had been kind to you from day one, even though you were just the little sister who sat in the gym while waiting for her brother to finish practice. He, along with the rest of the team, welcomed you with open arms. 

You only met them halfway along in the school year, the first part spent at your old club activities in middle school, until that happened.

Ever since that day you had to go wait for your brother at Karasuno, instead of him picking you up from practice, so you quickly had to get used to all the crazy yet wonderful people you met;

Which is why you were finally glad to be back, being surrounded by really amazing people, no one with false intentions. 

“Suga-kun, that hurts!”

He laughs again, only to be cut off by a loud whine.

“(y/n), why don’t you ever smile at me like that. I’m your brother, not Suga-san!” Ryu pouts, walking down the steps with the captain, your eyes widening at the sight of him while you ignore your brother.

“Daichi-kun!”

Diachi laughs at Ryu’s deflated look, walking over and placing a hand on your head. 

“Long time no see, trouble-maker,” his laughter stops as he looks at you closely, a teasing smile appearing on his face, “Say, have you grown since last time?”

You place your hands on your hips, grinning cheekily.

“You noticed huh, I’ve grown a few cm, now I’m officially 155cm!”

Your happiness was cut short when Suga and Daichi raised a hand to stifle their laughter, and you pushed off the hand resting atop your head.

“Don’t laugh, you asked!”

“Ah poor little sister, you got stuck with the short genes.”

“I’m almost as tall as nee-chan-”

“You’re both short, (y/n).”

“Says the loser who can’t even reach 180cm!”

“Oi-”

“Alright you two, knock it off,” Daichi chuckled, lightly bopping you on the head while being a little more forceful to your brother, “Let’s get going. You ready for your first actual year being a club member, kiddo?”

“Oh yea, now I get to actually actively help instead of being forced to listen to oni-chan yelling with nothing to distract me.”

“Hey-”

“I bet Kiyoko will be thrilled to have you this year too.” Suga smiled, cutting off your brother who just grumbled angrily under his breath.

You all were making your way to the gym when Daichi pulled out a few papers from his club jacket. 

“I agree, hopefully the new recruits won’t stop by too late, we have an interesting person joining after all.”

“Oh? Who would that be?” Suga questioned.

“The one kid we saw at the middle school matches, Kageyama Tobio.”

“The first setter of Kitagawa is going to join the team?”

“Huh? But, that guy is totally cocky.” Ryu sneered, thinking back to the matches he saw him in.

You remember the kid briefly, going with your brother and the other two to the games. Kitagawa was a powerhouse middle school, most of those kids ended up going to other powerhouse high schools, which wasn’t Karasuno.

Yet.

“He was pretty good though, from what I could tell,” you chime in, “I’m just surprised someone like him didn’t go to some high-end school in the prefecture. He seemed like he could totally get in.”

“Look at you,” Ryu cooed, trying to bring you into a noogie, “Thinking you know all about volleyball and the skills~”

“I know some things, idiot!”

“Quit it you two.”

“Okay…” You both agreed, knowing how scary the third year captain could be when he wanted to be. 

“You better not try to intimidate the Kitagawa kid either, okay Tanaka.” Suga teased, changing the subject back to the matter at hand.

“I-I wouldn’t do something like that.” He grumbled, causing you to snicker.

“Ha, yea oni-chan-”

“You either, (y/n)-chan. You can be just as bad.”

Now it was your turn to pout and grumble while your brother laughed at you.

The gym doors were already open to your surprise, after getting the proper footwear on and heading inside, you spot two kids you haven’t seen before.

“Hello.” The taller male exclaims, and you snap your fingers together as you realize he was the kid you were just talking about.

“It’s him.”

“Oi, oi, oi,  who said you could waltz in here-”

Your brother was cut off as Daichi grabbed the back of his jacket, yanking him backwards.

“You’re Kageyama, right?”

“Osu.” Kageyama agrees, standing straight and still as the boys approach him. 

You stay behind them, only looking out from the back of your brother. You take in his features, and notice how intimidating he looked up close; he was tall-taller than Daichi even, eyes holding a sharp concentration, and as you glanced at his lips pulled in a taut line, you wondered if he could smile. A flash of orange caught your attention, glancing behind Kageyama to see another student sneaking besides the others. He starts to head over behind your friends, towards you, and doesn’t notice you until he’s standing almost directly beside you. He glances over and jumps, red spreading across his face as he yells out a greeting.

“H-hello!”

The others were too engrossed in their conversation, so you smiled politely back and gave him a small nod in greeting.

“Hello-”

“HELLO!” He shouts again louder, another shy blush spreading across his cheeks as he repeats himself once more. You laugh, catching the attention of the boys and they look at you.

“Huh, who are-OH, YOU!” Ryu shouts and points, causing Hinata to squeak and back away from you.

“M-me?”

“SHORTY NUMBER ONE!”

“You’re the other applicant, Hinata Shoyo.. I’m a little surprised.” Daichi smacks your brothers hand away, giving a welcoming smile to Hinata.

“Uh.. hm?” He bites his lip, confused.

“Oh,” you point at him suddenly, causing the blush to come back as he jumped back even further, “you’re the orange who jumped super high!” 

The captain and vice held back snickers at the name, but it just made Hinata grow tongue tied.

“I-I, uh, huh?”

“We saw your match last year.” Suga clarified.

“You’re way short, and sucked pretty bad. But you’ve got guts, yanno?” Tanaka nodded. 

“Ah, thanks!” Hinata grinned, beaming at the attention. 

“Your jumps were awesome, right (y/n)-chan?” 

“Right,” you agree with Suga, an excited gleam in your eye, “it was sooo cool to see! You looked like you were flying!”

“TH-THANKS!”

“But it looks like you haven’t grown so much since then,” Ryu measured out with his hand, “At least he’s taller than you, (y/n).”

“Oi, I’m not that short-”

“I may be little, but I can jump,” Hinata interjected, looking at the three members before looking at you, “I’ll become Karasuno’s ace!” 

You flush at the way his eyes stared determinedly stare into your own.

“Ace huh..”

“Oi, oi… The newbie says he’s going to be the ace? Making that declaration to my sister no less, what are you getting at, you’ve got some nerve, boy.”  Tanaka’s face twists into something scary, glaring down at the boy who froze up, slowly turning his head to make eye contact with your brother.

“S-s-sister? I-UH, I-I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE, UM, LIKE THAT!” He waves his arms in a panic.

“It’s good to be ambitious, right?” Suga swoops in to save the kid from further embarrassment.

Hinata sighed, agreeing and apologizing at the same time.

“Hey,” Kageyama’s voice pierces the conversation, “If you want to be the ace, I hope you’ve improved. If you goof around, you’ll waste another three years.”

That’s when all hell broke loose.

They began to fight, bickering back and forth about growth and how neither one has been wasting their time. Hinata lost his happy-go-lucky aura and Kageyama’s face was even scarier, each glaring at each other with just as much loathing. You were now standing between your brother and captain, hearing the latter sigh as he tried to diffuse the situation. You gulp down your nerves as they cut him off, watching how Daichi’s smile grew tight and his eyebrows furrowed. 

Oh lord, here it comes.

“Oi, Daichi-san is talking to you!”

“Yeah, you should listen to your captain, yanno!” You throw in your two cents after your brother, only to feel annoyed when they both ignored you.

“What’s the commotion, volleyball club?”

You freeze, slowly turning your head to see the vice principal walking inside the gym.

“Yikes, the vice!” You and Ryu gasp.

“Sensei.” Suga hastily corrects you both.

“S-sensei.. Right.”

You purse your lips together, looking down at the court hoping you can this time contain your laughter. 

“You’d better not be fighting.”

The duo, who were totally not fighting, had paused momentarily as the vice walked towards the crowd. 

“Of course not,” Daichi gave the man a convincing grin, motioning to the two first years, “just a little friendly rivalry, right?”

“Hey, the vice likes to make trouble for us, so keep it down.” Tanaka Hisses, and you nod along while raising your hand to your mouth to mimic your brother.

“You don’t want the club to get in trouble now right?”

Hinata’s brown eyes lock on yours and he nods meekly. You let out a smile, glad he was finally calming down, when Kageyama tsk’s and gives Hinata an ugly look. You sigh, looking over at the taller boy to see a dark look on his face, it was almost scary.

“Server! And I’ll return them all!”

You facepalm as Hinata took the bait, your brother raging at them from beside you, the tension growing thick in the gym. The vice wasn’t amused as they continued fighting, if the sharp glance he gave to Daichi was any indication anyway. 

The two idiots went to serve and receive, and you could only watch an awe as Kageyama went to do a jump serve. Sure, this wasn’t the time for such things, but not many people you knew could do a jump serve, it was cool to watch one up close. The force he used to smack the ball was plentiful, jaw dropping as Hinata barely dodges and the sound echoes when the ball makes contact on the floor.  

Hinata stands back up, yelling for another when Daichi tells them to knock it off, only to be ignored again. You knew it was coming, hopefully the vice would leave soon so you could watch Daichi blow up on them with front row tickets-

You gasp as the ball, the second attempt that Hinata didn’t dodge, smacked against his arms, flew up into his face, before ricocheting off and hitting the vice square in the face. It was as if time slowed down, the ball hitting the vice’s cheek, his head snapping with enough force to pop his wig into the air. You watched, eyes glued to the head piece that went up and up till it came down, landing straight on-

Your lips part to laugh, thankfully Sugawara noticed and slapped his hand over your mouth to stifle the bellows you wished to release. Everyone stood frozen in shock as the hair piece landed atop the one and only, Daichi. 

“He was wearing a wig?” Kageyama muttered, eyes blown open wide.

“You just noticed?” Hinata snickers, amused at the sight.

“You guys,” Ryu was trying to hush his own giggles, “shut up!”

“Tanaka, you shut up too!” Suga scolds, hand still on your mouth as you shake from silenced laughter.

“Sawamura-kun, I’d like a word with you.”

Once they left the gym, Suga let you go only to have you clutch your sides in laughter. Your brother was no better, practically passed out on the floor as tears escaped his eyes. The scene replayed itself over and over in your mind, the lack of oxygen making you woozy. However, as soon as you heard a chuckle coming from Hinata, you Tanaka siblings stopped laughing. 

“That was sure stupid of you,” Ryu cracks his knuckles, giving his scary face, “you’re going to regret not listening to Daichi-san.”

Hinata looks to you for help, surprising you, but you just shrug.

“Oni-chan is right, you’ve done it now. Good luck you two.”

“Wait, why am I going to be punished for something he did!?” Kageyama glares at you, and you shudder slightly.

There was no reason to be upset at you, but the way he was looking at you caused you to look away nervously. 

“You both were the issue.” Ryu huffs, arms crossing to give his own glare at the taller first year.

“This is all your fault!”

“Huh, me!?”

The boys began to argue, leaving Ryu to shake his head and Suga to rub his temple with an exasperated smile. 

What a fun first day back, you can’t wait to see what else was to come.

[zenithlux]

Tendrils of Regret - Part 2

Read on AO3 here!

Thank you for all the support on yesterday’s post! Here’s Part Two for you all. Hope you enjoy!

You still remember the day you caught V pantomiming a violin. You’d left with Shadow for a bit to deal with some demons nearby. “Divide and conquer,” V said with his usual smirk. You two were more than comfortable with each other by then, and his smile alone made your heart flutter. “I’ll be waiting.”

So of course you took that as a challenge, taking out as many demons as you could and wilting the vines of the tree. That had been a difficult thing to learn too, as killing them seemed to go against the nature of the vine that still fed off of you. But you learned, if only to keep from dragging V down. 

And when you returned, that’s when you caught him strumming the air as Nightmare and Griffon annihilated everything around them. You’d watched for a moment, mesmerized as you imagined what song might be playing in his head. He seemed like a classical kind of guy, and you could imagine him performing in front of a crowd, exquisite violin in hand. Eventually, he’d stopped as the demons around him dissipated and bowed in your direction. “Entertained, my little vine?”

You choked back a laugh. “Giving your prey a show?”

“Only when the mood dictates it.”

You snorted, hoping down from the rooftop. You landed on a plant that wilted the second you stepped off. Shadow materialized beside you, rubbing your leg with his snout before wandering back to V’s side. “Because murder and chaos is always the best time for a show.”

“Exactly,” V said as he leaned on his cane. “You already understand.”

But as you moved toward him, his body began to crumble. Alarmed, you reached for him, but his hand slipped through yours. His smile remained as everything else turned to dust. “Don’t worry,” His voice whispered in your head as the world turned dark. “I’ll be back soon. Hold on to those until then.”

You jerked awake, clamping the sheets as tight as you could. You stared at the ceiling, calming your nerves as you let go. The red rose on your bedside table shrunk, and you could see one, hand-sized petal lying beside it. Great, you thought as you sat up. Now you were growing plants in your sleep. You hoped that wouldn’t keep happening or you might tear apart Devil May Cry in a fit of nightmares. Lovely. 

It had been a week since Dante and Vergil had returned, and you’d done a good job of avoiding at least the elder twin since then. It helped that Vergil himself had no interest in talking to you and stayed in his new room for most of the day. There had been a bit of an awkward moment when he’d wandered into your room, clearly remembering that it was also his, even though he’d never admit it. 

You got up slowly, flinching as you reached for your chest. The vine was hungry- you could practically hear it purring- but it would survive until you were done with your shower. 

But as you stood under the blazing hot water, another feeling washed over you. A strange sense of dread that had you shivering. Your heart leaped into your throat, and you could imagine the vine hissing as it constricted. You took a slow breath, trying to calm it down. But the pain… you hadn’t felt this kind of pain since you’d been lodged in that demon. 

Was it because of him? The pain had been more constant over the last week, but you hadn’t really thought about it. Was the vine reacting to his presence? He had been the demon of the tree… your demon’s master for all intents and purposes. But this new version of him had to be different, right? Disconnected from that… monster? But if he was V but also not…

You groaned, lowering your head to let the water slip down your face. Your poor, human brain was still struggling to process it all. You’d been mourning V’s loss, trying to ignore the logistics of everything else. Lady and Trish had kept an eye on you, but you were pretty certain you’d overheard Vergil calling you “overdramatic” followed by a loud “slap” from Lady who had no problems calling him every name in the book.

You reached for your chest again, feeling the star-shaped scar you’d been given. Trish gave you a special cream months ago to help with the constant, foreign itch it gave you, so maybe she would know what was wrong. Even Lady probably knew something. They had known about Vergil, after all. And hadn’t they said they’d been trapped in demons too? V would know what to do, you thought. Yet talking to Vergil was the furthest thing from your mind. You had a feeling he’d be more likely to glare you down than say anything useful.  

How could a man like that be V? It just didn’t make any sense. 

Or maybe you should give him a chance. 

You didn’t know what part of you was saying that. 

You finished your shower quickly, drying yourself off and dressing in an easy set of summer clothing. No dresses anymore - demons had torn through those faster than you cared for - but shorts, tank-top, and a thin jacket were more than enough. You rushed out into the hallway and down the stairs. “Trish…”

You froze at the bottom as your eyes found Vergil. Your breath caught in your throat as your heart pulsed again. Pain wracked your body, and you were certain you hadn’t kept it off your face. “Sunshine!” Dante said from his desk as he scarfed down a bite of old pizza. “You’re up early.”

“Where’s Trish?”  You said.

“Whaaaaat we’re not good enough for ya?”

You scowled at him. “I don’t know you that well.”

“Well let’s fix that,” he said as he hopped up from his desk. Vergil rolled his eyes but otherwise didn’t look up from the book he was reading. “I’m Dante. That guy over there is Vergil.” You glared at him, but he just laughed. “As you probably know by now, we’re a couple of half-demons that love to fight each other.” He tapped his chest with his thumb as if he was proud of such a thing. “So what can you do?”

“Lots of things,” You said as you crossed your arms. “Your finances being one of them.”

“And I thank you for that,” Dante said sheepishly. “Sounds like we won’t be running out of power with you around.” 

“Not as long as I live here, no.”

You swore you saw Vergil stiffen the corner of your eye. Dante laughed, his grin returning. “Of course. Wouldn’t dream of kicking you out now. The place might as well be yours. But!” He held up one finger and wagged it close to your face. “I only saw a glimpse of what you could do before I left. Seven months of practice must have been heaven.”

You scoffed. Heaven? Clearly, he didn’t know the extent of your nightmare, but that was a conversation for another time. “I need to speak with…”

“Enough,” Vergil said as he snapped his book closed. You froze, eyes wide as the very air rushed from your lungs, silencing you in an instant. “This is a waste of time,” he said as he rose from his seat. “If the woman wants to be stubborn then why push it?”

“Woman?” You said. “You have a million other names to choose from and you go with that?”

He glared at you. “Quiet. I’m not talking to you.”

Your mouth clamped shut as the vine twisted in your chest. Dante glared at his brother, not noticing your distress. “No reason to be so rude.”

“I told you we don’t need her help,” Vergil said.

“And I told you you’re going to have to deal with it.”

Guys, you thought, but your mouth remained stubbornly shut. Don’t fight. 

But they didn’t let up. “Just because she had some relationship with V does not mean she needs one with me,” Vergil said.

“I’m not asking you to start a relationship ,” Dante said with a roll of his eyes. “I’m asking you to be friendly. It’s not that hard.”

“I have no use for friends.” 

Anger swelled within you as their squabble almost turned violent. A sword appeared in Dante’s hand. Vergil clicked another out of a sheathe you hadn’t realized he was holding. You still couldn’t speak, your lips refused to open for more than paltry breaths. But you could do one thing. One very, very stupid thing. And before either of the brothers noticed, you made your move, swinging as hard as humanly possible at Dante’s arm. An audible smack startled even you. He jerked away as you shook out your hand, unable to swear at the pain in your wrist. “Ow?” Dante said. You rolled your eyes and pointed at Vergil. “What about him?” You pointed at your mouth, frustrated when they both just stared at you. 

“Use your words, woman!” Vergil snapped. 

“I can’t!” Spilled out of your mouth so fast you were genuinely surprised. “What have you done to me?”

The brothers exchanged glances and Dante’s expression turned serious for the first time in that conversation. “What happened?”

You hesitated, not sure if you should tell Vergil of all people your suspicions. But you had a feeling that you’d never get one twin without the other, and Trish was nowhere in sight. “Something’s wrong,” You said, defeated. “Ever since you two came back this… thing…” You pointed to your chest, “has been bothering me more than usual.”

“How much is more than usual?” Dante said.

You groaned. “I don’t know? It's always hurting, but last night it started… getting mad at me.”

Vergil scoffed. “Your sentient plant stuck to your heart is angry with you?”

“Oh don’t you start,” You said. “All of this is your fault after all, you...” You flinched as your heart twisted again. “Asshole.” You said, fighting through the pain. Your mind told you it was worth it, but your heart was very, very angry. 

Vergil blinked, though his lips tightened into a thin line while Dante choked back what you assumed was a laugh. When Vergil’s glare turned to his brother, Dante just shrugged. “Well, she’s not wrong.”

You threw your hands up into the air. “You’re both useless!” You spun around, zipping up your jacket and making for the door. 

“Hey now,” Dante said as he followed you. “Don’t drag me down with him.”

“Storming off again?” Vergil said. 

“If it means not looking at your…” Another jab of pain. “Being,” You said. “Then yes.”

“How very mature of you.”

“Marginally more than you at the moment,” You said as you stumbled your way to the front door. The pain in your chest radiated to your bloodstream, sweeping through your body. You grunted, angry at the world, furious with him, annoyed with Dante, and suddenly missing the “normal” life you’d come to appreciate. 

Dante appeared before you so quickly you nearly tumbled in shock. “I know you’re upset,” Dante said. 

“Upset?” You said. That was the understatement of the century. 

“But I’m certain more demons came with us when we came back,” he continued. “We have no idea what’s waiting out there. And if Lady and Trish aren’t going alone, then neither should you.”

“I don’t need him around,” You said, waving your hand toward Vergil. 

“But clearly something’s going on between you two,” Dante said gently. “And until we know for sure what it is, maybe you do need him.”

“No,” Both you and Vergil said at the same time. 

Dante sighed as he put his hands on his shoulders. You felt so small compared to him, and you liked to think you were at least average. But that’s when you realized you were actually terrified. Not of the brothers. Not even of Vergil and his weird demon magic that had apparently been spun around you. But of the unknown. The uncertainty of your future now that V - the V as you knew him - was no longer a part of it. What would happen to you now? You could keep fighting demons at Devil May Cry, and you’d have to in order to satiate the vine, but what else were you living for? What was your plan now? 

Start with Dante, You could imagine V saying. You can trust him. 

You found it ironic that he wasn’t recommending himself. 

You sighed in frustration and shut the door. “Fine. I had a book I wanted to read anyway.”

Dante grinned as he pulled away. “You hear that Vergil? She likes to read!”

You scowled but refrained from responding. You could tell that Vergil was doing the same as he simply clicked his sword back and forth like some kind of nervous tendency. But instead of saying anything, he simply plopped back on the couch and opened his book, no longer giving you the time of day.

Fine.

Two could play at that game.

[briefololtragedy]

Frazzled Friday

Kakashi x Sakura

Rated G

Follow up to Pakkun's plan. Kakashi and Pakkun have been coming to Sakura's coffee shop regularly. What happens when he comes a day late, hopefully some awkwardness.

Just popped into my head. Attempt at the two being awkward ducks. Fluff. Also posted on AO3

“ I need two large Caramel macchiatos with almond milk, one with half the caramel and the other with an extra caramel pump, one medium white chocolate mocha with a raspberry syrup. Could you hold the whip cream on that one? And then I need one large honey latte with oat milk and then one medium vanilla latte...Hmm and can I get six cinnamon scones.” 

Sakura was ready to wring someone’s neck, she was frazzled. It would not pay to strangle a customer, who was going to give her money. However, she really wanted to strangle the snot nosed acne prone teenager who decided not to come into work today. It was Friday morning, one of their busiest mornings and she was short handed. She had to take a couple of deep calming breaths. Putting on her best smile and perky voice that grated her own nerves. 

“Not a problem! We will get your order to you shortly.” She could do this. She loved her job, but her left eye started to twitch after the current customer paid for her order. So many sugary drinks. Sakura herself could feel her own blood sugar spiking. The customer then had the audacity to say they were in a hurry. Sakura made sure everyone got their orders in a timely manner, but for a suit to act high and mighty...Sakura had to recenter herself again. She was going to strangle Konohamaru when he comes in for his next shift. Scratch that after he is done with his next shift, she refuses to be short handed again. 

Thankfully her other two workers had shown up for work today and were a godsend. She had recently hired a new employee with how well business has been. Thankfully the next few customers had reasonable orders. They had a mild lull and Sakura was able to take stock of the display case. Making a note of what was selling well and not. She was thankful that most of her items seemed to go over well with those who visited her shop. She was able to pop into the back and get some more of the baked goods to bring to the front. 

As she went to refill the display cabinet she saw a fluffy white dog, who looked very family. “Kiba what brings you in today? Akamaru have you been a good boy?” Akamaru started wagging his tail and barking. 

“I heard that you opened a new shop and had to stop by. I was surprised about dogs being allowed in here, great idea.” She wondered what he was up to. “Allowing dogs have been a great hit. Why don’t you treat Akamura to a delicious dog treat, while you tell me why you are here.” Sakura started to pack up a treat for Akamaura and Kiba gave one of her workers his order. When they told him his total he looked like he had been kicked. “What no special treatment for an old friend?” Kiba had a sheepish grin on his face. 

“Kiba I’m running a new business, do you want me to close only a few months after opening? “ Sakura would not mention how she gave a complete stranger coffee and pastry on the house. Well he wasn’t a stranger anymore. Since that day Kakashi and Pakkun have been frequent customers. Although they hadn’t made it in yesterday like they usually do. Nope she wasn’t going to dwell on it, he had his own life and was just a customer. 

“You're cold Sakura.” She had to shoot him a glare. “Kiba really it's busey what do you need?” 

“So my sister, Hana, you remember her right. Well  is having a launch party for her vet clinic and was wanting you to cater for it. “ Sakura looked at Kiba with an eyebrow raised. “Of course I remember your sister. She got all the good genes between the two of you. Why didn’t she call me herself?” Sakura was being slightly mean to him, but couldn’t help but perk up when she saw a familiar mess of grey hair. Her heart started to beat slightly faster. 

“She knows that you don’t like to cater anymore and was scared to ask. Could you do it? Pleeeaase!” Kiba looked pathetic. She did adore his older sister and while she vowed to never cater for any company again she couldn't say no to Hana. Part of her thought process was being interrupted when she saw Kakashi and Pakkun at the counter ordering. He quickly looked to her and Kiba. She was hoping that they would stay, he was the highlight of her week.

“Fine. I’’ll do it for her. Have her call me with the details. And do us all a favor and go take a shower, you smell worse than a wet dog.'' She gave Akamaru a scratch behind the ears and watched them leave. 

She tried to ignore the feeling in her stomach when she saw that Kakashi had sat down at a table by the window. He had his laptop pulled out and looked to have laser focus. Pakkun by his side like always. Sakura couldn’t help herself as she got one of the dog biscuits she reserved just for Pakkun as she went over to his table. 

“There is my favorite customer! I missed you yesterday.” She couldn’t help herself as she lowered to the floor to pet Pakkun and give him his treat. He let out an enthusiastic bark and jumped up so she could pet his head. 

Kakashi didn’t know how he felt at the moment. He doesn’t know why he stayed to have his coffee here after seeing Sakura with her boyfriend, he felt like an idiot. She barely glanced his way when he came in. The guy even had a dog, one that Pakkun couldn’t compete with. That guy's dog looked like it came from winning a dog show. He should have just taken his coffee and left. A wave of relief did wash over him as he saw the guy and his dog leave, shocked they didn’t do a goodbye kiss. He was lost in his wallowing that he didn’t notice Sakura approach. 

“I’m your favorite customer?” Kakashi cursed his pitiful tone. He found himself slightly melting as Sakura looked up at him. 

“Oh… I was talking about Pakkun. He has been my most loyal and regular customer since I opened. Plus look at this smushy face! How can you resist this cuteness?” Her voice took a higher register as she talked about Pakkun’s face, one that he had heard with his friend’s wives when they talked about babies. 

“Your boyfriend and his dog aren’t your favorite customers?” Oh god Kakashi wanted to kick himself. Why! He was doing so well with talking to her after that first meeting. 

Sakura didn’t know what Kakashi was talking about and was utterly confused. “Boyfriend? I don’t have a boyfriend.” She took a look at Kakashi and noticed he was more slouched over then normal. 

“The guy you were talking to before coming over here isn’t your boyfriend?” Why couldn't the ground open and swallow him up? 

“Kiba?” Sakura wanted to gag. “Kiba’s a friend from high school. He came to ask if I could cater for his sister. She is opening her own vet clinic.” Sakura wanted to get off the subject of Kiba. She decided to take a seat at Kakashi’s table. 

“ I meant what I said that I missed you guys yesterday.Where were you guys?” She was hoping she wasn’t coming off as noisy or desperate. She had come to enjoy the moments she had with Kakashi, her mood had gone down yesterday when she realized he wouldn’t be showing up. 

“I had a business meeting yesterday that made me want to bang my head on the table repeatedly till I passed out and would need medical attention.” Sakura was intrigued. She didn’t know what Kakashi did. 

“Well I’m glad you didn’t bang your head. I would worry about even more brain damage.” Sakura couldn’t help but laugh at herself. She blamed her lack of social skills on focusing on academics more than socializing when she was younger. 

“What was your meeting about, if you don’t mind me asking.” She at this point decided to pick up Pakkun and placed him on her lap, this was after he continued to paw her legs. 

“My boss decided to discuss one of his new books and it got a little out of hand.” Kakashi couldn’t help but start to feel warm. Yep he was going to do this. He was going to tell her what he did for a living. 

“Do you work in publishing?” Sakura was fascinated. Maybe she could get his opinion on some books to place around the coffee place for customers to read if interested. 

“I’m an editor. The meeting was going well, but they decided to do an audiobook as a trial run. They were having an argument on who should be the one reading it.” Kakashi could do this. Him working for Jiraiya’s publishing company was nothing to be ashamed about. After he started working for them they actually expanded into actual literature, not that his precious Icha Icha didn’t count.  

“I should get your advice on some books to have here. Who did they decide to read for the audiobook, is there book one i would know?” 

“It’s for Jiraiya’s newest Icha Icha series.” Sakura couldn’t help but start to blush. Jiraiya was her best friend’s godfather and Naruto had all of his books. 

“Oh… that would be interesting as an audiobook. Did they decide on a person?” Kakashi gulped. 

“Me.” Sakura looked at him confused. Did he just…”You?” Sakura could feel like her cheeks were heating up more. 

Kakashi couldn’t help but rub the back of his neck. He tilted his head to the side. “Yes me. One of the PAs came up with the idea. Kinda embarrassing really.” 

Sakura wondered if she should turn the heat down. Was anyone else hot? She couldn’t help but imagine Kakashi reading one of those books, his deep voice. 

“Do you not want to?” She wasn’t drooling right? 

Kakashi could feel his heart racing. She hadn’t run off yet. “It’s just not something I ever thought I would do.” 

Sakura doesn’t know what spirit came into her body at that moment that gave her the audacity to say what came out of her mouth. “I could always lend an ear, if you want to practice.” Sakura was sure her face was going to melt off. 

Kakashi did not expect that. He felt warm imaging reading to her, yep he was blushing now. “Are you free sometime this week?” 

Extra: Pakkun’s thoughts

Pakkun did not like what he saw when he entered the coffee shop. Who was this big dog and smelly owner? He wanted answers! He wanted to blame Kakashi for all of this. They have been coming for weeks and he wasn’t making any headway. Then they weren’t able to show up yesterday due to Kakashi having to work, didn’t he know there were more important things. Important things like delicious baked goods from a pretty pink haired woman who gave the best head scratches. 

Yes he was extra needy with Sakura once she came over. He allowed her to grace his presence. He felt buttered up with the special dog biscuit. As he was eating it he heard mention of a possible boyfriend. Oh hell no! His plan was crumbling, like this delicious dog biscuit in his mouth. His anxiety was soothed when she said no and they continued to talk. He couldn’t help it when he curled into her lap. He felt like the heavens opened up when she offered to help his owner and then heard the mention of dinner. 

[jjungkooksthighs]

finally got enough time to read yearn for you and girl!!!!! where do I start from? first of all, I'm sorry you did not receive enough love for this fic but I'll try my best to try and express all the gratitude for you. ok so, this is gonna be messy because english is not my first language and I'm a bit dyslexic so forgive me😔... I remember reading edacity and thinking damn! she can write! and got soooo hooked on the way you write. then I stumbled on claws of carnality and I already told you anything I had to say about this fic: a masterpiece. then I decided to read undercurrent (I couldn't read it straight away because of how long it is and how hectic life could be) but then again, what else could I have expected from you? the way you described the scenes (don't wanna spoil anything if people didn't read it yet).. it was like I was there (this applies for all of your fic but this one has something different to it? can't really describe it, I'm sorry). you are such a talented writer, so elegant, so eloquent, so detailed, so entrancing, so attractive in a way? so when you announced you were going to post another story I was thrilled! and you delivered, god, did you deliver. I was so frustrated with jk at the beginning of the story, you pulled me in your story with just a few sentences.. but at the story went, I felt so content because of how you described their relationship, the trust they have in each other, the desire to please the other, the love you can basically feel through the words and when I was reading about the flashback, I could feel the love. I also loved how even if he is a hard dom, he is so whipped for her... when she stands after he strips her and he sees her kick her heels off and he grins? my heart beat a little faster, don't ask me why. I loved how even if jimin was there, he could also have not been there at all and the after care? the way he is basically going around, calling her his fiancee, love them. at the end, my greedy, curios brain (and heart, who am I kidding) wanted more lmao. I have a few questions if you don't mind.. what happens with taehyung? because he was a bit of a brat, trying to get in her pants and then complaining when he got a bit left out? honey, you got a big storm coming. will you ever write little drabble for this couple? like, how did he propose? not gonna lie, kinda curious about the dress he picked out for her for the gala.. no pressure tho baby, feel free to ignore this part. I also loved how he called her petal and flowers and how he didn't even think twice about buying the necklace. want something like this for me, it would be the life, having someone you love who loves you back and is always ready to remind you... anyway, this is all for today, gonna go read yean for you a few more times now☺️🥴. hope you are having a good day, we love you💙

Your english is very impressive for someone that doesn’t speak it primarily, darling. You don’t need to apologize for being dyslexic, either. You can’t help that and should not apologize for something beyond your control. Anyway, you found me through Edacity, huh? It’s always interesting hearing about how you guys find me, I have to say. That one was written in a lust filled craze following the video that the gif used for that fic was recorded from. Manbun Jungkook really took my pussy (and fingers) and said WORK FOR IT. Ugh, he’s just so hot istg I really couldn’t help myself when I wrote that fic, lol. Anyway, it’s cute that you cycled through like all of my fics and I’m glad that you liked my work enough to keep reading through everything that I had posted on here! I will say that Undercurrent is very precious to me because it’s the very first reader x member fic that I wrote and posted to Tumblr. I love that story so much and I’m so elated to know that you appreciated it as much as you did! It took about two weeks for that like YFY, but every time that I sat down to write it, I just would smile like an idiot whenever I’d read through it at how cutely I encapsulated the lovers to be in their feelings for each other. 

Truly, who else writes a damn novel for their first ever fic? Gah, I am still so soft over Undercurrent. That fic is like my first child, lol. It is very special to me. So is COC, but we all know my sentiments about that fic at this point. I feel like I’m being annoying with it, but the self-consciousness and insecurity about that one still persists and whenever I hear about it from my readers, I get nervous because I have this lingering anxiety that more negative comments will be given on it. Well, this ask isn’t about COC, so I should move on, I think. Sorry about that mini-rant, anon!

Switching back to YFY, Jungkook’s personality in this one is a little different than what I have done before and I am glad that you liked the way he’s built in terms of his characterization. I wanted to show a Jungkook that was so in love with you that he is willing to give you anything you want (even if that means fucking another man) while also staying true to the possessive creature that we all know he is in real life. He adores reader very much and because of that, he just wants to see her happy at the end of the day. She is a constant in his life and gives him stability where the world would fall apart under his feet and he cherishes her for that for sure. I adored their relationship just as you did because they care about each other so much and each one of them just wants to please the other always. It’s funny that you say that Jimin could have not been there because the person that commissioned this fic from me actually wanted just a CEO!Jimin fic in the beginning, lol. Kook wasn’t even factored into the story in the initial stages and it actually was going to be a hybrid CEO!Jimin fic where he goes into heat while at work, but that idea was never fully fleshed out because Jungkook had to come out with his D’ICON stuff and really, it was over for me when I saw that video of him in the leather fit. 

I talked to my commissioner about it and she was more than eager to have Kook involved in the fic (even though she originally thought that I would not go so far as to write 31.5k words worth of shit that Kook was responsible for over 22.3k for before Jimin even makes an appearance, lol. I couldn’t really help it being the Jungkook slut that I am, but hey, it brought such sin out of it and I can’t apologize for THAT because it was too much fun to keep writing the lewd escapades of reader and her fiance that loved his future wife too much to deny her of anything so as long as he is part of it. 

As for Taehyung, well...let’s just say that Jungkook had a nice “chat” with Taehyung and the two ended the discussion with Jungkook sat in his office while Taehyung got to listen to a recording of reader fucking herself with Jungkook’s name falling repeatedly from her lips. Taehyung may or may not have had a tent in his pants while Jungkook gave a cruel smirk and when you’re summoned to his office, let’s just say that Taehyung gets a nice show while Jungkook fucks you over his desk. Now, this is done AFTER Jungkook orders you to bind Taehyung’s wrists with his tie so that he can’t do anything while he watches, his lips drawn between his teeth the entire time that Jungkook fucks into you like a crazed man. When it’s all over and you lie boneless on the desk, Jungkook eats the sandwich you brought him off your stomach before eating you out and let’s just say that when Taehyung leaves the office, his cheeks have never been more red both with embarrassment and rage. 

Wow, I really let myself keep going with that, huh? I guess that shows just how much I’m fond of YFY, lol. 

I would consider writing a drabble for YFY, but that would have to be commissioned as I am facing a financial crisis right now and can’t really afford to spend time writing anymore unless I will be compensated for it! It’s very sweet to ask that because it shows me you want more of this story and that’s very heartening to know!

As for the dress, I would be more than happy to show it to you if you message me (you can go through anon again if you prefer) once more with that question because this ask is already really long! 

Also, I’m pleased to know that you liked the pet names! I have a weakness for them, you see, so you’ll find an abundance of that in just about everything you read from me. 

It would be quite a life to have a man like YFY Jungkook in it, wouldn’t it? You would never want for a thing with him, that’s for sure. You also would never feel deprived of attention or love because he’d readily relinquish both to you 24/7. I wanna swoon over YFY Jungkook because he’s just so dreamy, isn’t he? 

Anyway, I am so happy to hear you liked the story. Thank you for reading my work and taking the time to say all of that, lovely. It really makes my day so much better when you guys tell me things like this and I can’t thank you enough for being nice enough to let me know all of this!

[ladyreapermc]

Fic: This isn’t a rom-com 9/17

Summary: Keanu and Lilah meet at the set of John Wick. Rom-com shenanigans ensues

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6  Part 7 Part 8

Author’s notes: I would like to ask you people two things. 1: anyone interested in some moodboards for our main characters? 2: I’m thinking of speeding up my schedule, posting more than one chapter a week because I have this idea for a Christmas special, but it spoil big points of the main story, but I wanted to post around the 25th. What you people think? speed it up and have Christmas special on time or keep it steady and post christmas special later?

Wordcount: 3214

Warnings: mentions of inebriation; some bad language and sexy teasing (not quite smut yet) 

As Lilah slowly drifted to consciousness the next morning, the first thing she noticed was feeling warm and comfortable, which was a rare occurrence for her. It was an old apartment and the heating system wasn’t all the great. Her room was always a little too chilly in the winter. That was why she usually slept in flannel pajamas and under a thick duvet. Today, however, her legs were bare, tangled with the thin sheets of her bed because she was only wearing an oversized t-shirt.

She should have been freezing but wasn’t. Probably because of the human furnace pressed against her back and as Lilah tilted her head to glance over her shoulder at Keanu sleeping peacefully behind her, his dark hair splayed over his face half-buried on her pillow, and the events of the previous night flashed through her sluggish brain.

She and Keanu had kissed finally! That settled Lilah’s doubts about where they both stood with each other. Kind of. They didn’t really have a chance to talk yet. First, she was busy at Novelsy, then there was the bar and the Rocky Horror singalong. Too much alcohol, too much dancing. If her brain wasn’t playing tricks on her, she danced way too shamelessly with Jean to Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch-me. Lilah cringed at the memory, feeling her cheeks burning. That was why she shouldn’t drink tequila.

After that, Keanu brought her home and tucked her into bed and she had asked him to stay, which he did apparently. That was good right? The fact that he stayed. Lilah embarrassed herself completely last night, but if he stayed, Keanu mustn’t have minded too much and this could actually lead to something?

Lilah turned around as carefully as she could so she was facing him, watching how his face was completely relaxed in sleep. Keanu hardly ever looked his age but asleep like this he looked at least ten years younger. As gently as she could, Lilah brushed the hair from his face so she could take a better look and his lips curled into a little smile. Lilah fought the urge to grab her phone and take a picture.

“I can feel you staring,” Keanu mumbled without opening his eyes.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you,” Lilah smiled at him and her chest felt about to burst with happiness.

“It’s fine,” he yawned, blinking a couple of times before meeting her gaze, his brown eyes warm and bright in the morning light. “Good morning. How did you sleep?”

“Pretty well,” Lilah replied, scratching his beard slightly and Keanu purred almost like a cat. “You?”

“Can’t complain,” he said, before leaning close to steal a kiss. Lilah hesitated on parting her lips due to morning breath, but Keanu didn’t seem to care so she relaxed in his arms, letting him lazily explore her mouth.

“Thank you for getting me home and in bed last night,” she whispered against his lips. “And thanks for helping out of my costume.”

“That wasn’t me.” Keanu chuckled. “You woke up in the middle of the night complaining you were too warm and started to take off your clothes, refusing to put on some pajamas. You settled for my shirt though.”

Lilah glanced down at herself, noticing for the first time she was indeed dressed in the grey Arch Motorcycle Company shirt Keanu was wearing last night. She covered her face with her hands to hide her flaming cheeks.

“I’m so sorry.”

“What for? I loved the show,” he teased carefully prying her hands away from her face and Lilah smiled as Keanu kissed her forehead. His fingers traced circles on her hip, just above the hem of the shirt. “Just wished you had been sober for it.”

“I’m sober now,” she whispered, meeting his gaze again and noticing the way his eyes went a little darker as he pulled her even closer to him.

“You are,” Keanu agreed, nuzzling and kissing her jaw. The way his beard tickled her neck made goosebumps rise on her skin. “But I have to be in the set in an hour and I’ve been thinking about this for way too long to settle for a quickie.”

Lilah sighed in disappointment. Her only comfort was the Keanu looked just as frustrated for cutting this short. At the same time, the idea of him thinking about this also made her hot with arousal. Before he could move too far away, Lilah caught his lips in a searing kiss to try to convey just how much she had been thinking about it too.

She pressed her entire body against his, feeling the hard edge of his erection against her belly, while his palm traveled lower, cupping her ass and pulling her even closer and more firmly against him. Lilah grinned against his lips until the shrill sound of her alarm made them jolt apart.

“I think that’s a sign,” he said as Lilah turned it off.

They looked at each other for a moment before laughter erupted from their lips. And when was the last time Lilah felt like this? Light and relaxed and carefree? It had been a while and she really missed it.

“Yeah. We should probably get up,” she said between giggles and Keanu nodded, his grin from ear to ear.  

“But I’ll see you tonight? I still owe dinner,” he asked as he stood up and Lilah couldn’t help but stare at his back and the way his muscles flexed as stretched and yawned. “Lilah?”

“What?” she started in surprise, looking up at Keanu and noticing his lips quirked into a smirk. She was caught staring. “Sorry.”

“It’s ok,” he moved closer to where Lilah was still sitting on the bed. He bent down for a kiss nipping playfully at her bottom lip, as his hands traveled down her sides, over the fabric of his shirt. “I’m gonna need this.”

Lilah stood up in front of him, her eyes never leaving his as she reached for the hem of the shirt. Keanu turned around respectfully and she chuckled as she pulled it off, standing there in only her bra and panties.

“You don’t have to do that. I mean technically you already saw me like this.”

“It was dark,” Keanu said with a chuckle. “I didn’t get the full view.”

Lilah moved closer to him, her hands trailing up her back, following the hard, strong muscles and Keanu shuddered, glancing over his shoulder at her.

“What are you doing, Lilah?” His voice had dropped a little lower and she swallowed hard, her skin overheated, almost electrified with need.

She pressed her body against his back, her hands coming around his front and she could feel the raised line of his scar. Lilah raked her nails over it, fingers pausing just over the waistline of his jeans, on top of the button as she pressed open mouth kisses over his spine. Keanu inhaled sharply, his larger hands covering hers, leading her touch lower. Before she could reach her destination though, there was a loud knock on her door, making them jump apart once again.

“Bathroom’s yours. Hurry up or you’re gonna be late!” Isaac called.

Once the spell was broken, Lilah felt consumed by shame and quickly reached for a discarded sweater hanging from her work chair while Keanu put his shirt on and gathered his things, before turning to her. And maybe he noticed something in her face, because Keanu reached for her, kissing her softly, almost as if to assure he was completely alright with she did a couple of moments ago.

Lilah sighed against his lips. All she wanted was to spend the day in bed with him, forget all her responsibilities. Instead, she led him out of the room. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment when she noticed Jean sitting at the kitchen counter sipping coffee. Her friend raised her eyebrows at them, hiding her smirk behind her mug of coffee, but didn’t say anything.

“Dinner tonight?” Keanu asked as they stood at the front door. Lilah smiled and nodded, noticing his gaze moving past her shoulder. When she glanced behind herself, Isaac was leaning against his doorframe, watching them with a smirk. “My place?”

“Yes!” she all but exclaimed before standing on her tiptoes to press a kiss on his lips. “Have a good day.”

“You too,” Keanu replied with a smile, before waving quickly at Jean and Isaac and walking out. Lilah waited until he was out of sight to finally close the door with a happy, dreamy sigh.

“Izzy, just out of curiosity,” Jean started, catching Lilah’s attention. “How many times did ‘just coffee’ ended up like that for you?”

“Well, Jean…” Isaac said, moving towards the kitchen. “I’d say never.”

Lilah rolled her eyes at both of them, ignoring their teasing in favor of taking a seat next to Jean and stealing a piece of her toast. She was starving. A moment later, Isaac set a mug of coffee in front of her, leaning against the sink and watching her.

“Stop looking at me like that. Nothing happened,” Lilah said after about a minute of her friends staring at her with matching looks and smirks of expectation. “I was too drunk. He just spent the night.”

“Wait, wait, wait. So he’s gorgeous, smart, rich AND respectful?” Jean said with a frown. “Please tell me he has a small dick. He has to have some kind of flaw!” Lilah nearly choked on her coffee laughing as she kicked Jean.

“Fuck you,” she called out, but it didn’t have any bite to it.

Lilah was too happy to care about her friends’ teasing. How long had it been since she last felt like this? Completely head over heels with someone? Since her ex-boyfriend probably and that had been over six years ago.

It had ended so badly that Lilah forgot how good it felt to be in love like this. She definitely missed it. The fluttering in her chest whenever Keanu looked at her; or the way her breath caught when he smiled; how her entire body felt alight whenever he touched her… Everything just seemed brighter when she felt like this. Like nothing could possibly go wrong.

Maybe Lilah was every bit of a hopeless romantic as Isaac was and she just didn’t like to admit it. But it was hard to deny it when she went through her day feeling as if she was walking on clouds. Even a couple of her students noticed her wide grin, just like some of her fellow Ph.D. candidates. Fortunately, Lilah had another very valid reason to be this happy. Now that she had officially finished her data collection, she was one step closer to wrapping up her dissertation and getting her degree.

And even though that filled her with excitement, Lilah couldn’t help but refresh her e-mail inbox several times a day, wondering if NYFA had sent feedback on her application yet.

As Lilah closed her e-mail, she shook her head at her own silliness. She only applied to see if she was good enough to get in. It was crazy to be this anxious about a reply. She should instead focus on the work that would actually guarantee her a future.

Lilah went back to work, losing herself in her data until her phone rang, making her jolt and look around. With her headphones on Lilah didn’t even notice it was past six and she was the last one left in the office.

“Hi! I’m so sorry, I lost track of time,” she said at the phone, holding it between her shoulder and ear while she packed her things.

“Don’t worry. I just wrapped up myself,” Keanu assured. “You’re still on campus? I can pick you up.”

Lilah froze because while the idea of him picking her up was exciting, she also knew they would be very exposed and Lilah wasn’t sure how ready she was for this thing they had – that she didn’t even know how to name – to be out yet. Still, it was Friday night after Halloween campus should be pretty empty and Lilah really needed to learn not to overthink everything.

“Sure,” Lilah agreed, giving him instructions on how to find the psychology building.

She waited at the steps, checking her email yet again. Nothing on NYFA but her paper was finally ready for submission according to her advisor and Lilah was still grinning at the news when the roar of a motorcycle made her look up.

Honestly, why was Lilah so surprised? she knew he liked them, he wore motorcycles shirts often enough and whenever he came over Keanu had a helmet with him. Still, the sight of the bike made her take a step back in concern.

“Don’t worry, I’m a good pilot,” Keanu assured with a chuckle as he turned off the engine and stepped away from it, a spare helmet in hand.

“Didn’t you crash a few times?” Lilah asked with a hesitant frown.

“I’m a good pilot when I have a passenger.” He took a step closer to her, helping Lilah to put on the helmet. “You’ll be fine, I promise.”

She took a deep breath and nodded trying to shut off her father’s voice listing every awful motorcycle accident injury he had treated in his years as a neurosurgeon. Instead, she tried to focus on the sunny smile Keanu gave her before climbing on the bike and helping Lilah up too, pulling her arms tightly around his waist.

“Ready?”

“Not really, but go ahead.”

The ride was way nicer than Lilah was expecting. She held onto him tight, face buried in his back as the wind rushed through her ears, his cologne feeling her senses. Way too soon, Keanu was stopping at his assigned space on his building parking lot and helping Lilah out of the bike since her knees were a little wobbly.

Keanu led the way to his apartment, telling Lilah to make herself comfortable while he got everything ready. She stood by the window panels just watching the view of Central Park for a while before joining him in the kitchen. She watched him moving around with such confidence and familiarity as he cooked and whatever it was, it was smelling delicious.

Once it was ready Keanu set everything up at the dining table, including candles and soft melodic jazz playing in the background as he pulled the chair for Lilah and served them some white wine.

“You didn’t have to do all this,” she commented as they sat across from each other.

“I wanted to,” Keanu replied with a shrug and she couldn’t help the smile that made its way onto her lips as he served them.

“No one ever cooked for me before,” she commented. “Except for my mom, of course.”

“Really?” Keanu seemed a little surprised, but his own expression shifted into a shy smile. “Hope it’s good then.”

It was better than good; it was delicious, and the night seemed to pass them by quickly as they ate and talked and laughed together. It felt like nothing had really changed between them, except for a lingering tension that seemed to give meaning to every touch, every brush of fingers, every exchanged gaze.

“I want to show you something,” Keanu announced once they cleared the dishes and loaded the dishwasher.

Lilah took his hand and let him guide her into his bedroom, her heart speeding up slightly with surprise and expectation, but Keanu continued towards a pair of glass doors, revealing a gorgeous balcony. And if it was possible, the view was even better from here. Lilah moved closer to the railing, the cold breeze making her shudder and Keanu hugged her, his chin resting on top of her head, making her sigh in contentment.

“I really like this,” she said her voice barely a whisper.

“I thought you would. This is one of my favorite places,” Keanu replied, kissing the on top of her head. Lilah looked up, smiling at him.

“I meant this.” She gestured at the way they were holding each other. “But yes, the view is gorgeous too.”

Keanu chuckled lightly, before taking her hand again and moving towards the lounge she didn’t notice it was there. He rested against the cushions and Lilah settled between his legs, back against his chest as Keanu pulled a blanket over them, trapping the warmth of their bodies as they watched the last traces of sunset being swallowed by the deep blue of the night.

It was nice and comfortable and perfect, and Lilah never wanted to leave that little bubble they just built. Especially not with the way Keanu was peppering kisses behind her ear and down her neck, making her shiver and giggle. She shifted in his embrace until she was straddling him and could catch his lips into a proper kiss.

The way their tongues moved against each other was slow, almost like a dance, just exploring and getting acquainted with each other. Their hands likewise moved over each other’s bodies, touching and learning every little place that would make the other gasp and moan and smile.

Lilah really liked to way one of his hand moved up her shoulder, resting around her neck, his thumb rubbing soft circles against her pulse point as he tilted her head a little to get a better angle for their kiss.

The subtle pressure around her throat shot a bolt of pleasure down her center and she rolled her hips almost involuntarily against the hard line of Keanu’s erection. She ground herself to release some of the pressure building inside and Keanu hissed and cursed as he bit her bottom lip. Not hard enough to break the skin, but the small sting increased the heat coursing through her body, wetness soaking her panties.

“We need to slow down,” Keanu whispered, pulling back.

“Why?” Lilah asked, chasing his lips.

His hand moved from her throat to her nape, tightening just a little to make her stop and it dragged a surprised moan out of Lilah. Once again she rocked her hips and Keanu groaned, his free hand coming to her hips, stilling her movements.

“Fuck!” he mumbled against her mouth as he kissed her almost desperately, before pulling away again and resting his forehead against hers. “Seriously, let’s slow down. I mean, this is technically our first real date.”

“True,” Lilah sighed because even though she hated it, she knew Keanu had a point.

Just because they finally took their heads out of their asses and admitted they wanted to be more than just friends, didn’t mean they needed to immediately jump in bed together.

“I should probably go then,” she said before stealing another kiss that lasted way longer than she intended.

“That’s probably for the best, yes,” Keanu agreed once they broke away for air, his lips moving down her jaw and neck, sucking at her pulse point.

“Or I could stay,” Lilah gasped, hands coming up his hair. To pull him away or keep him there, she wasn’t sure. “Just to sleep.”

“Just to sleep,” Keanu nodded, looking up at her with dark, hooded eyes that promised her anything but sleep and Lilah grinned, kissing him again.

(tbc)

Go to part 10

Taglist (give me a shout if you want to added or removed)

@soarocks​ @toomanystoriessolittletime​ @meetmeinthematinee​ @howtoruin-someones-perfect-day​ @krazycags01​ @fanficsrusz​ @a-really-bi-girl​ @theolsdalova​ @kindainlovewithkeanu​

[melodyalanaroster]

Days: Nathaniel’s Side

Despite Amber’s encouragement, Nathaniel did not want to leave the house. “God damn it Nathaniel! If you think I’m gonna let you fall into the abyss, you’d better think again! Now fucking do something other than sit around this house!” Sam demanded. The days began like that. Amber wanting to explore their new surroundings, Ken trying to do his best, and Sam demanding Nathaniel not mope around the house... But that’s all he wanted to do. “I’m not supposed to do much! I have to rest and let my wound heal!” He tried to argue. Sam looked at him, then took her hand and pressed her thumb along his bandage. Nathaniel yelped in pain as he looked into Sam’s eyes. “You may have to heal, but my commandment stands. You’re not going to spend the entirety of Purification moping around this house. You’re the one who got yourself into this mess, and I REFUSE to put up with your pitiful bullshit while my sister and that wretched organization get you out of it!” She growled.

As Nathaniel held his side, he watched Sam and Ken walk off. “You know Mels is gonna kick your ass if she finds out you did that.” Ken observed. “She can try.” Sam challenged.

★ 

After a couple of days of forced exploration, Nathaniel attempted to take off on his own. As he put the keys into the Roster family’s truck and started it, he noticed someone get into the passenger’s seat. “Kentin! What the hell?!” Nathaniel boomed. “Where do you think you’re going?” Kentin asked. Nathaniel looked down. Kentin raised an eyebrow. “You can’t do that.” He stated. “Why not? If I go alone, you and Sam won’t be breaking protocol.” Nathaniel argued. “It’s not a matter of whether or not Sam and I break protocol... It’s the fact that that if you go back to Amouria right now, it will be a slap in your girlfriend’s face. You said that if you didn’t leave Amouria, they’d kill you and go after Amber and Mels... Well, they didn’t count on Mels being the Grim Reaper, so now, they’re suffering the consequences of crossing her and you’re supposed to be giving them what they want by being out of the city while they suffer. Don’t make her efforts be for nothing by going back there and putting yourself back in the line of fire.” Kentin explained. Nathaniel looked at Kentin. “I still want to go back.” His eyes were pleading. Ken sighed. “Look, I know you do. But, think about it... Mels is posting online, almost religiously for now, even about the mundane. Knowing her, she doesn’t do that unless there’s a form of motivation. That’s told Sam and me that she’s trying to let you know that she’s okay. Sam is getting more and more pissed off at you for moping around... So, you’ve got to do SOMETHING other than barricade yourself in Mels’ room. Wander around the city, play video games, read a book in the living room.... Something! Hell, when you feel like it, I can even train you.” Kentin clarified and suggested. “You can train me?” Nathaniel asked. “Yeah. Mels told Sam and me that you’ve been boxing and fighting... But maybe I can add to your skill.” Kentin replied. 

It was on this day, Nathaniel finally began to stop moping around the house.

★

Several days passed, Nathaniel and Ken had gotten into the habit of going into the back yard to train. “So, you’ve trained against Alana and Sam?” Nathaniel asked as he attempted to lay a hit on Ken. “Yeah. The Military sends soldiers to the R.D.R for special training from time to time and Sam and I have both been sent to the old base.” Ken replied as he blocked Nathaniel and landed a hit on him.

While the boys trained, Sam decided to sit in the living room and play video games. Amber walked into the room. “It looks like the boys are having fun.” Amber commented. “Yeah, maybe Ken can whip Nathaniel into shape.” Sam sighed. “What’s your deal?” Amber asked as she sat down on the opposite end of the couch from Sam. “What do you mean?” Sam asked as she continued to play video games. “Ever since we got here, you’ve been so nice to me, but you’ve treated Nathaniel like he’s more or less an inconvenient soldier. Why?” Amber inquired. “You don’t get it... Do you? Just as you and Nathaniel are protective of each other, Mels and I protect each other. My sister has been through hell the past few years, and I don’t want her to get hurt again. I am VERY disappointed in both you and Nathaniel... However, with him, I need to make sure he’s got enough of a spine to be the type of man that can withstand being at my sister’s side. With the implementation of Protocol 216, your brother is now, basically, royalty. He needs to be strong and formidable, so that he can protect himself, as well as my sister. Especially considering I’m sure there may come a time where my sister won’t be able to protect herself. This weak, pussy ass, bullshit, that he’s been pulling will not do.” Sam explained. A flash of annoyance crossed Amber’s face. “And, as for you? You made it very clear that you wanted to be a model back in high school. It was easy to guess that you would end up like this. Especially considering your mother is an ex model, as well as emotionally abusive. Honestly, I think Nathaniel got off light when it comes to the abuse. His physical wounds healed, and with a good support system, he’s able to try to move forward from it. You, however, have essentially been committing a long form of suicide, with encouragement from your mother and coworkers. It’s no surprise that both Nathaniel and Castiel have been worried sick about you.” Sam sounded very fed up as she spoke. Anger started flashing across Amber’s face. “What do you know about my situation?! You’re a soldier!” Her voice began to raise. Sam sighed. Her temper wanted to flare, but she kept it under wraps. “That’s right, I am a soldier. I have seen and done things in my short life that you would have nightmares about. I am also a sibling to someone who has suffered so greatly that her horrors have nearly killed her on several occasions.” Sam immediately shot Amber down. Amber looked defeated. “Look, Amber, what your industry doesn’t realize just yet is that people don’t want string bean, Barbie dolls anymore... Well, no one with any brains wants that type of woman anymore. I mean, for fuck’s sake, have you not noticed the rise of women who can kick ass and take names in mainstream media? Gal Gadot was a trainer for the Israeli Army before becoming Miss Israel, and that was before she became Wonder Woman. She is revered as one of the most beautiful women on the planet. Other women like, Charlize Theron, Scarlet Johannson, Zoe Zaldana, Margot Robbie, and many, many others, are very beautiful women, who train like fucking crazy to stay thin, but you can tell there’s some muscle to them. These are women people may want to fuck, but you certainly don’t want to fuck with them. You don’t have to kill yourself to be beautiful. The most beautiful person is someone who is comfortable in their own skin, and free to show the world who they really are.” Sam paused her game to take a sip of her drink. Amber looked at Sam, shocked.

The boys continued to kick, punch and dodge each other in the back yard. “Good! But you need to quit going for the kill whenever you attack.” Ken commented. “Why?” Nathaniel asked. “You’ll find that it’s just as effective to disarm and incapacitate people than to end their lives.” Ken replied. “I don’t try to kill people.” Nathaniel remarked as he aimed for a spot on Ken’s back. Ken quickly dodged and aimed for Nathaniel’s legs, getting him on the ground. “I know you don’t try to. But when your instincts take over, you become primal. Primal instinct dictates that when you’re fighting for your life, you aim for the kill. It is a precise science to tame that instinct, make it look like you’re going for the final blow, and only disarm your opponent.” Ken explained. Nathaniel looked up at Ken and got back to his feet. “Is it a science that you’ve become well adept at? The last time I saw you, Sam was still punishing you for being a dick when Evan was here.” He smirked. Ken looked down. “Don’t get me started on him.” He sighed. Nathaniel looked at Kentin, curiously. “What happened?” He asked. “He got kicked out of the military and banned from R.D.R premises for harassing just about every woman he came across... Including Mels.” Ken sighed. “He harassed Alana?!” Nathaniel began to sound mad. Ken put up his hand. “This is where is got interesting. He tried to hit on her, but she shot him down so badly that he still hasn’t lived it down. Back then, you didn’t hit on Mels. Everyone knew that. Hell, the average recruit was lucky to get a pleasant greeting from her. The thing is, he didn’t stop after that... He began to spend less time training, and more time stalking Mels... However, Evan must have been pissing Mels off because the Red Death got wind of it and banned him from R.D.R facilities.” Ken explained. “Are you still friends with that fool?” Nathaniel asked. “Eh. Kinda... I still talk to him and Armin from time to time...” Ken replied. “What about Alexy?” Nathaniel asked. “Not really. After a while, I got tired of him constantly hitting on me... There was one point where Sam told him off... Then Mels told us how he’s been acting lately...” Ken began.

Suddenly, the girls appeared before them. “I thought ya’ll were training.” Sam smirked. “We were. We’re taking a break.” Ken smiled. “Yeah, I could hear ya’ll talking about Alexy.” Sam raised an eyebrow. “I don’t understand... He and Rosalaya are nice to me.” Amber commented. “Alexy wouldn’t quit hitting on my man, they abandoned my sister before she joined the R.D.R, and they’ve become insufferable.” Sam stated. “I know they haven’t given me the time of day in a couple of years...” Nathaniel started. “That’s because you became a damn drug dealer!” Amber blurted out. Nathaniel started to go to respond to Amber, but was stopped by Sam putting her hand up. “We are not doing this. I’ve talked to several people about what’s going on around Amouria and everything I’ve gotten has confirmed my suspicions. Castiel and Nathaniel are on common ground with Mels’ and Amber’s welfare and are fighting a bit less because of that. Priya doesn’t really talk to Nath and is wiling to give him another chance if he turns his shit around. She’s not happy with Mels but recognizes that she’s trying to free herself from the Grim Reaper. Rosa and Alex have allowed their personalities to become very fucking selfish. Leigh and his friend Rayan confirmed what happened when Mels bitch-slapped Rosa at the beach. Priya has confirmed that Mels ignores Rosa and Alexy now. So, as of right now, I don’t necessarily want to see or talk to them, but if they come up to me, I will be pleasant.” Sam explained.

Sam looked at the group and sighed. “Come on. I’m hungry and I wanna go out to eat.”

★

After days of training, Kentin needed a break, so Nathaniel decided to go off on his own wandering adventure. He parked the truck at a park and started walking. He had been walking for nearly an hour before he realized that he had left the park, and found himself surrounded by gravestones. “Why is a park so close to a cemetery?” He pondered as he walked. 

A few minutes later, he came upon a grave with two men sitting in front of it. He instantly recognized the younger man. “Remember! Your introduction to Viktor and Severina will be an event!” Alana’s voice rang through his head. “Alana would kick my ass if I meet Viktor before the Gala...” He thought as he looked around. He noticed a large tree near the grave site. He into listen to what Viktor and the other man were saying.

“Hey, Mom. I actually brought Dad here this time.” “Hello my darling Cosima, it’s been a while.” They began to explain what had happened with Achille Mekina’s downfall, and Alana’s involvement in it. “So, Alana brought down Severina’s corrupt father.” Nathaniel thought. His mind began to wander to what had happened to him. “It’s almost as if she has a talent for bringing corrupt parents to justice.” He thought. As the men described Alana stumbling into Viktor, knocking the poisoned drink from his hand, Nathaniel grinned. “She deceived them to save him.” He thought. Edgard began asking Viktor if Alana will ever forgive him for what he did. “No. She won’t. Mels is not, usually, a forgiving woman. You insulted and attempted to discredit her family. Then, you called her a “little bitch, a fucking little whore” and pulled a gun on her when she denied your offer for an arranged marriage with me. She has made it very clear that she will never forgive you... It doesn’t matter that you were under Achille’s influence at the time. What matters is that you felt it was okay to commit those acts at all.” Viktor explained. Nathaniel clenched his fists when he heard this. “THAT BASTARD!” He thought. “Lynne hasn’t forgiven me either.” Edgard pointed out. Viktor scoffed. “After all this time, you still haven’t realized how headstrong the Roster family is. The women in that family are raised to not let themselves be crushed under the shoes of men. Hell, Verity made it clear that that’s one thing she’s always hoped would rub off on Severina. If Mels hasn’t forgiven you, what makes you think her mother will?” Nathaniel had to hold him back from chuckling at Viktor’s words. Nathaniel knew Viktor was right. The men in the Roster family had to be strong... If not to hold themselves high, then to at least keep up with the women. The most docile of the women had always been the family’s matriarch, Margaret. However, it was known that when Margaret’s husband, Harold, began to act like a sexist prick, his daughters and granddaughters were always sure to shut him up.

A few minutes later, Edgard went back to their car, leaving Viktor alone at the grave. Nathaniel continued to hide behind the tree and listen. “I wish Melody, Sam and Severina could be here with me. I know it’s been a while since we all visited you together... But, Severina is busy helping maintain Melody’s sanity in Amouria, and Samantha is with her boyfriend at the Roster Family Home playing babysitter to Melody’s boyfriend and his sister. Because of Mels’ plans, I’m not permitted to visit the house and see my friend... It could run the risk of me meeting Nathaniel before the point that Mels has decided upon. I don’t wanna disappoint Mels... Mels has told Rini and me so much about Nathaniel, yet, after all this time, we still haven’t met him... We couldn’t be there to meet him before she moved to Toronto... We weren’t available to go to the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Special Red Carpet Premiere in London when Nate took Mels and Nathaniel to it... And now, Mels is taking down a damn drug cartel to save him. I want to believe that he’s a good man... I want to have faith in Melody’s choice in soul mate... But I’m not sure. Part of me wants to say that she’d be better off if she and I were to get back together... But I know that will never happen... Hell, she reminds me of that every time I give her that longing look... Our time ended long ago...” Viktor’s voice had become sad. Nathaniel looked down, his heart becoming heavy. “Viktor is still in love with Alana, after all this time. Maybe she would be happier if she was with him, instead of being with a fuck up like me.” He thought as he sat down. 

His mind began to wander to what Alana’s life could have been if they had never gotten together in the first place... Until he heard Viktor begin to speak up again. “You always reminded me that my loving, childhood, relationship with Melody wasn’t allowed to last. That father was going to rip us apart eventually because she’s not, technically, a blue blood like us. You told me to prepare for the day that she falls for someone else, for someone who can actually go the distance with her. When she first started telling Rini and me of this boy she had met who she thought was brilliant and sweet... Rini instantly knew. “She’s falling for him.”, “Nathaniel is the one.” Rini kept saying. Part of me wanted to deny it completely. But, after a while, she began to tell us more and more about her adventures at Sweet Amoris... About how she kept helping a writer find his notebook... About a gamer she became friends with... About Sam’s boyfriend who she thought was a little annoying... About a rebellious musician with a heart of gold... And of course, she wouldn’t shut up about Nathaniel. I didn’t wanna hear it... But, almost every time she spoke about him, she smiled. She did tell us what his parents were like, and why she hates them... But, that didn’t stop her from loving him... I became jealous. I wanted to distance myself from Melody because of it... But Rini explained that it would hurt her if I did...” Viktor continued to talk to his mother’s grave, explaining his feelings over what had happened whenever he heard that Alana and Nathaniel had broken up, then what took place when Alana saved him from his kidnappers. The truth of Nathaniel’s and Alana’s break up had already been explained to Nathaniel by several people... Hell, the Red Death had even sent him security footage from the day it took place... And the resulting mental snap that Alana suffered... But, it was different hearing it from Viktor. There was more loss, and sorrow to it.

After several more minutes of talking, Viktor’s voice changed in tone. It had become more calm. “I don’t know... Maybe, once I meet him, I’ll get the feeling that he truly is Melody’s soul mate... Maybe... Maybe I’ll get a sign... Maybe Melody will shine brighter than she ever has...” Viktor began to chuckle. “Melody has always loved Stardust... Hell, I remember you once calling her a fallen star... And we all know that stars shine brightest when they’re near their true love...” Viktor sat down and leaned his back against the headstone. “I really miss you Mom.”

After realizing that Viktor would probably be silent for the duration of his time there, Nathaniel got up from the tree and decided to walk back to the truck. Part of him wanted to be mad at Viktor for not seeing what Alana was when she was near him and her other friends. That she was beginning to heal from her traumas, and that he was the one who was there for her the most in Amouria. Sam saw that, Severina apparently got it, but Viktor’s jealousy got in the way. However, Nathaniel saw that because he and Viktor had never met, Viktor couldn’t make a proper decision on him... It was was clear that he couldn’t act on blind faith the way Severina seemed to...

As he got back into the truck, he sighed. “Who knows... Maybe she will shine. As it is, that glimmer of hope has returned to her.”

★

Several more days passed. Nathaniel began to become impatient. He did his best to subside this feeling by trying to distract himself. Training with Ken, playing video games with Sam, playing online games with Armin, reading books, and even wandering around the places in Weathering that he remembered Alana telling him about. But, it wasn’t enough. It had been a couple of weeks since he had arrived in Weathering and he wanted to go home... To get back to her.

“Hey, how much longer is this purification going to last?” He heard Sam ask as he hid from her sight. “She must be on the phone with the organization.” He thought. “Look, Nathaniel is getting restless... And rightfully so. We’re all tired of waiting around... So, give me some information and an estimate.” Sam sounded tired. There was a few minutes of silence before Sam spoke up. “Alright. Just know, I know how restless both Melody and Nathaniel are... So finish this shit soon.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is what Nathaniel does during Purification.

I get that one day is primarily between Amber and Sam while Ken and Nathaniel are training... But I find this part very useful.

Credit goes to:

andanguyen on DeviantArt for the Background.

LicyAD on DeviantArt for the Viktor Sprite.

Special shout out to: @vanillaamoursucrethings

She is the one who encouraged me to send Nathaniel and Amber to Weathering and actually do some world building!

[enter-the-bear-circle]

I'm confused, you seem to have quite an aversion to romance yet you seem to enthusiastically like Metamoro, in a shipping kind of way. How come?

Oh, here are the tough questions. My brain is a mess, so I can't guarantee the things I'm going to say would be very clear. If you need me to explain something in a more detailed or just another way, you are always welcome to ask💜

I have a complicated relationship with romance. I'm not really averse to it, like you said. I find it uncomfortable in real life; for example, when I talk to one of my uni classmates about things not related to romance, and suddenly she says something like "oh, my boyfriend told me..." (which is nothing unusual, of course), I feel a bit uneasy. I have troubles imagining that this person in front of me is really in a relationship. Not because I see it as something bad though, it just doesn't fall into my list of totally natural things. I know assuming everyone is single is not right, but this is how my brain works. When I find out about someone being in a relationship, I don't know where to put this piece of info and what to do with it. And I don't like not knowing something, so those things sometimes bother me.

I like romance in fiction. I love shipping. I love reading and writing fics (even if I don't do it much now), when it's written good and when I understand the characters' feelings even when it's something I personally don't experience. I like it the way I like stories about vampires, for example: the concept is interesting, but if I saw a vampire irl, I would be bothered. But unlike vampires, romance exists, and it's everywhere. If I'm not in the mood to read stuff about vampires, I can easily find something else. If I'm not in the mood to encounter things related to romance... well, this is much more difficult. So sometimes I get angry, sometimes I reblog many aromanticism related posts at once to remind myself I'm not alone and there are people who understand me. Sometimes I just need to vent. Sometimes I'm angry about something else, and then I see something centered around romance and go "oh, not this too". It doesn't mean I always see romance as something negative, I really don't.

Now as for metamoro... They have amazing dynamic, their bond is something special, it's always a joy to watch them together, be it performing or just making silly comments about each other. I love them together, I love them individually. And I really believe that if they were a couple, their romance would be very healthy and fulfilling. Plus, I found metamoro in a very dark period of my life, when I felt like everything I knew was crushing. I was lost, confused and lonely. Getting into the fandom brought me warmth and peace I needed really badly, it became something that could always make me happy. I found friends because of metamoro. I started publishing my writing because of metamoro. I freaking made a career choice because of metamoro (as impulsive as it sounds, it really wasn't, I've been thinking a lot before I decided to study Italian at uni and become a translator). So whenever I see a new post about this ship, I also see my happy memories, I see that I'm still alive and kicking despite how badly the world tried to bring me down. And I also see two people who suffered a lot in life finally being happy. Not to be cheesy on main, but it makes me feel that one day I can be happy too.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk, I guess?

[venus-says]

Kamen Rider Gaim Episodes 01-20

Also known as Kame Rider Fruits Salad edition.

It's time for more past rider action as I start my fifth season in this series. I honestly don't know how I'm still doing this, but I'm glad that despite my schedule problems I'm sticking with this journey because this season is a good one.

I was very excited to see this, not just because my experience with Wizard was very positive, but also because I've seen images and gifs being retweeted in my timeline and everything seemed so ridiculous I couldn't wait to experience all of that by myself, and I gotta say, they delivered! (different from that other season I saw people being so passionate about but that I disliked with passion)

And this is something funny because I have quite a lot of things about Gaim that bug me and that should make me dislike it, but even still I can't help but like this season a lot. Gaim has a certain magnetic charm to it that I don't know how to explain, putting in terms of the show I'm like the Inves and Gaim is the evil fruit of the forest taking control of my brain. This show is so entertaining that if I was able to sit down for 72 hours without being interrupted and not needing to do my physical necessities I'd definitely spend those hours watching Gaim, I'm not joking, I had to force myself to stop watching it a couple of times because if it was up to me I would sit down in front of my laptop and leave after the show ended.

And I feel like a huge part of what makes me so interested on Gaim is this mystery feel it has to it, I wanna know where all of this is gonna go so it makes me more interested on watching more and more to see the secrets being revealed and all of that. Add a whole lot of great cliffhangers and the fact this series doesn't seem to follow the "2 episodes, 1 story" format and you make for a show that has a very good pace and that makes it feel like no episode here is filler or unnecessary.

But this is a double-edged sword because while the mystery vibe is great I feel like the show held a whole lot of information at the beginning which made it hard for me to understand this world, and understand these characters. Why is dance so important here? Why do these dance teams exist and why are they fighting each other? When did those lock seeds start appearing? And why are they in the kids' hands? What's Kouta's relation to this dance crew? Why is there a ranking for dancing crews? Why is all of that so important for these characters I'm gonna follow? I watched 20 episodes, still, I feel like I don't know any of the characters very well because neither of them had a very good base for me to have a feel of who these characters are. Which makes it harder for me to connect because I don't feel what the characters are feeling, my experience with Gaim is a very "external" one, I'm watching it and I'm enjoying it a lot but I'm not emotionally invested, I think that's the best way to put it.

Speaking of characters, another thing that I feel like it makes it harder to know all characters is the fact that THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM. No joke, I don't know any of their names and the only Rider name I have memorized is Gaim because of obvious reasons, the way I have to connect the characters to their faces is by their main fruit, which solves things for the characters that are Riders but the side characters that don't they literally have no name for me, any given name you see in this post is because I opened the wikia and went to look for the names. This is a very crowded season.

Kouta as a protagonist gives me a lot of mixed feelings. I overall like him, but that are times where the show makes me want to hate him, but I guess that's just how teenagers so the show has perfectly hit the nail on him. I like how he starts as a good kid trying to get a job to help support his family, but then he becomes a rider and that gets up to his head and he becomes an overconfident prick just to have his ass kicked down and throw him on a downward spiral where he "refuses the call" to then have a moment where he slowly rises again, and even in this escalation he gets doubtful in quite a lot of times showing that he's a very interesting character. I only wish we knew more basic stuff about him, or at least have glimpses of his past, to know where did he came from and be able to have an estimative of where he's going to.

Sadly the other characters aren't anywhere near being this interesting. Kaito is just the hot-blooded rival, they decided to give him a backstory about he being anger at Yggdrasil for taking over the city but I think it only made him look more like just a teen with anger management issues rather than a compelling character. Mitchy had potential with the whole thing of being a kid from a rich family that has no freedom in regards to his future, but he more or less always followed the things I expected him to do as a character in his position so it was just a little boring. Near the end of this batch, Zack became a rider too but he's such a background character I have nothing to say about him. Junouchi and Hase lacked in personality because they were sold as a duo and they barely did anything on their own, Hase at least got more interesting things going for him since he eventually ate a fruit and died as an Inves what made him interesting where Junouchi just ended up being the keychain of another rider... and oh boy, Oren... it's kinda hard to talk about him. I'm not sure if "gay coded" is the correct term for him, probably not, but the thing is he's very problematic. First, because the show kinda sits in with Kouta's point of view and since the first meeting Kouta already showed signs that he didn't like him and that it was weird for him to see a flamboyant man with feminine trajects and he was always negative towards him. Then the show makes him be a Team Rocket villain where his character gets downed to a single goal and objective and every time he gets up on the screen is for him to be made fun of and it just makes me wanna hit my head on the wall. I know I shouldn't be surprised since last season they had the manager of Hungry Donuts that was also an LGBTQ+ character being used for comedic purposes, but at least in there, there was no portrayal of any character of the cast being uncomfortable or hostile against her so she was never seen with bad eyes or had any negative association to her (they also had a trans actor play her role which is an added bonus even though she wasn't out yet during the time of filming).

The show also has a "second set" of riders that are the adults on Yggdrasil's side. I feel like I don't have a lot to say about them because they were in the backseat a lot during the season and only started to have a more active role on screen now so I still don't have an opinion on them. Takatora seems bland, Sid was the one of this team that had more screen time but I also don't have an opinion on him, he's just like a drug dealer there's nothing special about him other than he uses one of my favorite fruits in his rider form. Ryoma and Yoko are probably the more interesting characters from this team and I'm really excited to see more of them.

There are more characters of this cast but I don't like any of them all that much so I won't spend more time talking about them, I'll talk briefly about the Riders' designs because this post is already long enough.

To begin with, I think it's a genius idea of mixing fruits with samurais for the main motifs of the riders, it's such a ridiculous, wild, and creative idea I wish I could be friends with whoever imagined this concept. I pretty much like all of the suits, I think the only form I don't like it's the Jimba Lemon one because it's not very aesthetically pleasing, it doesn't match very well with Gaim's basic design so it doesn't look as good to me, but I also don't like the giant watermelon suit, probably because the CGI looks weird, but I still don't like it. I love how the belts are very simple, it's a good contrast with the overly designed suits, I wish they had kept that simplicity for the genesis drivers as well. If I had to choose my favorite designs they are Gaim's strawberry, Baron's mango, Zangetsu's melon, Duke's lemon, and Marika's peach forms.

Before I wrap up this post I have two final complaints about this whole thing. The first one is the fact I don't know what's the message the show is trying to convey. Right at the beginning, I thought it was about growing up, but that was never touched again so I'm not sure if it's that, you know? The show feels a little lost in this aspect. It is a nice story, don't get me wrong, but all stories so far had a theme and I couldn't really find the theme on this one yet. I hope that after the reveal that the forest is like a parasite they'll bring up discussions that'll highlight what this is story is about.

My other problem is how against adults the show is. Maybe if I had watched this in my teenage years I'd be more in synchrony with the point of view of adults are liars and they're a problem, but now as an adult, I know that things aren't so simple. While I agree that using kids to gather data for their experiments wasn't the right course of action, I don't like how the protagonists are always so keen on being against adults and everything. Maybe they're like this because of how Japanese society is and to them becoming adults is like losing the sense of their own identities so to them adults are really like villains, but I still think that they hit too much on this key and it's kinda hard to watch without rolling my eyes at certain points.

With that being said, I still enjoyed the hell out of this show and I'm very excited to continue. So, what are your thoughts about Gaim, let me know down in the comments. I'll catch up with you folks later.

[twigstarpikachutroll22]

Day 3 of #30daysofautismacceptance

April 3: Talk about special interests. Do you have any? What are they? How long have you had them? What does it feel like to have special interests? What does having special interests mean to you? Talk about your past special interests

What comes immediately to mind is Trolls. As one might know from a post a couple days ago...or just from a bunch of posts I reblog...or from my icon and blog header and all that. In any case, Trolls came out November 4th 2016, when I was in 7th grade, and I saw it a day later.

The special interest kicked in FAST. It was, like, all I could think about all day every day, all I wanted to talk about, everything could be associated with it for me. I would blurt out random quotes from it at random times. I would listen to the songs a jillion times over. I would scour the internet for anything and everything related to it that I could find. Read all the wiki pages and memorized all kinds of information. Played the few games on the website over and over until I had the routes of every level of the maze game memorized. Looked at all the screenshots and stuff on Google Image searches. Any clips that were available on YouTube I would watch over and over every day. And the parts of it that had just been completely unexpected and blown my mind in a way no other movie had before leaving me with no idea what to think? My brain would, like, short-circuit at the thought of them, but there were times when they’d somehow fascinate me because of all that and I’d sometimes take a moment by myself just to think about them and start to enjoy the shock they sent through me until I started to understand their meaning more and they became my absolute favorite parts for all that.

Eventually, it started leaking into my life in other ways. I didn’t like glitter until I after I saw Trolls, now I frickin’ love it. I already HAD loved music and singing, but that got taken to much higher levels and became much more important to me after seeing Trolls, and I got a bit less shy about singing in public. Trolls was also my inspiration for starting to throw big, crazy digital parties on a certain website I spent a lot of time on. And what made me more conscious of the importance of positivity, and though I was already a sunny person to begin with (albeit taken down a notch or three by some pretty bad experiences I’d had leading up to this), I like to think Trolls gave me a boost in that area too.

I could go on and on and on about all the ways this special interest changed my life. But this is kinda getting long already.

At this point, I can actually sorta feel the special interest winding down, which makes me really sad to think about. I don’t think about it nearly as much as I used to or spend nearly as much time listening to the songs or just doing anything related to it, and when I do it doesn’t feel as riveting as it used to. But I am still pumped for the sequel coming in...HOLY FRICK IS IT SERIOUSLY ONLY TWO WEEKS NOW?!?!?! NDKLFNSDIOBSDFIODB KDNFKAD FKANFORBGOURBGPISNFSN  FKSLDNGSGBSIOGSBIFO SBGOBGIORBGOIHFOUHROUWEFNSDKLBDSJLGBSDOFSBOGIRBFIONFIONGILNGIBGIOGBOIGBOIFNOGBOGBIOG--

Ahem. Ha ha, sorry, I just....AAH!!!!!!! Anyways, I’m still PSYCHED for that, and I hope it blows me away as much as the first did. Or at least something fairly close to that. And I do still get absolutely ecstatic anytime I see Trolls merch in a store or some little kid wearing a Trolls bag or carrying Trolls toys. And the general impact it’s had on my life has stuck with me. And actually, I think a certain ship from it might be something like a special interest for me now, just that specific aspect and not every single aspect.

Anyways, I should mention some past special interests of mine, right?

Well, I think ducks might’ve been my very first. There wasn’t really a specific reason, though I attributed it to the ducklings being cute, but when I was, like, three years old, and for some years after, I just LOVED ducks. So much. I had this great big collection of hundreds and hundreds of little toy ducks. All different colors, all different designs and, like, costumes, a range of sizes, we had enough to fill BIG plastic bins. I got excited every time I saw a duck. To this day I have a little soft spot for them.

And I was really fixated on the Geronimo Stilton series for some time in first or second grade. For some reason my overly dramatic and imaginative self ended up always pretending I was slowly turning into a mouse because I loved those books so much. I dunno what the heck, I was, like, literally seven years old, okay?

There was also a period of time where I really liked Ash from the movie adaptation of Fantastic Mr. Fox, and he was constantly on my mind. To the point where I mistook it for a crush, because my mom had said having a crush on someone was “really really really really liking him” and thinking about him all the time, and she never specified that it meant in a romantic way. Boy did THAT lead to some embarrassing memories...

Pokemon was a REEEALLY big special interest of mine starting the summer before third grade when I picked up Pokemon White. I can’t give specific examples of anything here, just that I was really really REALLY into this game, and into pokemon battles and pokemon in general. And for years after that I always carried two of those books in my backpack that were like a pokedex and had all the pokemon in ‘em with stats and facts and types and moves it could learn and everything. Because duh, what kind of pokemon trainer would I be if I didn’t always keep one of those on me? I had friends to share that special interest with. I remember one friend had all kinds of stats and facts memorized including what moves certain pokemon could learn and would tell them to me. Me and him actually had a ton of imaginary friends that were pokemon that could talk like humans and all had names and personalities and in some cases outfits and super awesome clubhouses and over-the-top backstories and all kinds of relationships with each other. We’d talk all the time about the stuff they’d get up to together, all the friendships and rivalries.

So, like...yeah, I think this is where I’m gonna end it. MAN I rambled on for a long time with this XD XD

In any case, special interests are AWESOMESAUCETASTIC. Do neurotypicals honestly NOT get this intensely into anything? This level of love/passion/obsession for anything? Because if so, then, like, I feel sorry for them. Really I do. That sounds sad. I wouldn’t trade having special interests for ANYTHING, man.

[your-modern-shakespeare]

Just Like You (23)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22

Summary: You are an experiment, the first of its kind. One day you escape and are living a normal life when you run into a perfect stranger or was he?

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 5197

A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!!! Because (in Texas) it’s just a couple of minutes until midnight I wanted post this as the last fic for the year. We are actually getting pretty close to the end here so I’m going to try my best to get the next chapters out in a timely manner. Wish me luck and enjoy!

Warnings: ANGST, violence, some non-consensual situations (not descriptive but there), angst, let me know if I missed something

Tags: @thisisthelilith, @thesalsafic, @fangirl1802, @lust-for-pan, @iamwarrenspeace, @the-red-world-of-jess-chibi, @ssweet-empowerment​

Y/N’S POV 

I wish I had slept easier. I wanted to say that I was 100% excited to be going back to Wakanda, to be going somewhere safe, but how could you be 100% excited when you had to leave your family behind?

After having spent these last couple of days packing and saying goodbye, it had really only made me want to stay more, which is something I hadn’t expected. I had been dreaming of a life like Bucharest, just me and Bucky, for so long that I hadn’t noticed that that dream had completely shifted to something else. The truth was I wanted to stay in New York with the family that I have grown to love, a love I hadn’t experienced until I met Bucky, until I had come to live with the Avengers.

And yet despite that feeling of love and my dream of living with my family, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if any of them ever got hurt. So instead of dwelling on what I could have if I stayed with them, I focused on keeping them safe and hoping that someday I could be with them again.

These thoughts made it hard to sleep and yet I don’t think I was the only one.

I woke up in the middle of the night to see that Bucky wasn’t beside me. I know that he had been there hours before but initially wasn’t too worried when I fell back asleep waiting for him to come back. He was probably just as nervous as I was for the move and went out to get something to eat or drink or at least that’s what I told myself so I could peacefully close my eyes again.

It couldn’t have been much later that I felt him slide back in next to me and put his left arm around me.

“Hey, where did you go?” I asked in a sleepy haze. I reached up to let my hand rest on his arm. The only problem was that that arm wasn’t metal like it should have been.

I quickly jumped to my feet and off the bed. I looked at the man sitting there and couldn’t help but want to get as far away as possible.

“Antonoff.”

“Y/N.” His voice was one that I couldn’t forget but one that I wished was just a nightmare.

“You shouldn’t be here.” I backed over to the door, just trying to put as much distance between me and him.

“I had to check on you. I’m sorry about your arm, but you were never really good at listening.”

“Not from a lack of trying.”

“Are you implying that I was forceful?” He smirked, I wanted to wipe it from his face.

“That’s a word for it.”

“Here’s the thing...doll. That’s what he calls you right? I have a mission and that is to bring you back. I have been waiting for the right moment to get you because I want you to help me build a team, I want us to be a team again.”

“We were never anything. I have never and will never see you as anything other than the man who hurt me.”

“I wish that you hadn’t said that. I thought that what we had was special, your father applauded the progress I made with you.”

“Yeah and he got a bullet in the brain for it. Of course he never knew about all of the things you did to me, did he?”

“Why would I spoil it?” He smiled and I quickly opened the door and ran down the hall.

“FRIDAY wake up the team.”

“Right away.” She responded.

I ran as fast as I could to try and get away from him, I’m not even sure where I was running, but I knew that Bucky had to be somewhere so I ran until I couldn’t  anymore. I don’t know how he was able to catch up with me but the next thing I knew I was suspended in the air with a hand around my throat. He was much stronger than I remembered. I tried everything I could to break his hold but with only one arm it was hard to break.

“See, we are now equally matched, you may have been the first but I’m the stronger soldier.”

I could feel his hand tighten around my throat a little more with each passing second and just as everything started to fade away, Bucky came running into the room. I could see how angry he was but when he tried to advance Antonoff threw him across the room, just as easily as I would have; there was a loud thud as his back hit the wall.

It was at that point that everyone came running from their rooms to see what was happening. And yet seeing the team run in, he pulled me close to him, locking me in his arms, one arm around my throat and a gun to my head. I tried to kick myself free but he had some hold over me and my legs wouldn’t budge, not even a little.

“So you have friends now?” Bucky got up and started walking towards us again. “Barnes, don’t think I won’t kill her, she’s asked me plenty of times to do it. Now I have a good plan, you let me take her back and you get to live. If you don’t I activate her and she kills all of you.”

“Or we could just kill you.” Bucky responded.

“You could try but see you are no match for me now, Barnes. A lot has happened to me since I last saw you.”

“You aren’t leaving this building with her.” Steve said.

“You know...you are protecting someone that you don’t even know. How can you call her your friend when she is keeping secrets from all of you?” No one said anything and I tried my hardest to remain calm. “What? Nothing? She didn’t say anything? I guess in a way it makes it more special. You wanted to keep us a secret.” His hand trailed down the side of my body and I tried my hardest to shy away. The longer he spoke the more things started to come back to me, the deal, everything he had done to me.

“I never wanted you in that way. I begged you to stay away.”

“Honestly, it just made me want you more.”

“I always said no.”

“We both know that’s not true.”

“It’s not like you gave me a choice.”

“I gave you a choice it just wasn’t the one you wanted to hear.”

“I don’t care what you have to say, I’m going to kill you if you don’t let go of Y/N. And this time you’re going to stay dead.” Bucky said.

“Stay dead? You’re implying that I died before. But I guess if she didn’t tell you about the two of us than she didn’t tell you about how she let me live.”

“What?”

“I didn’t let you do anything.”

“Think about it. You saw what Zemo did to those super soldiers, you really think that I somehow wasn’t susceptible to a bullet.”

“What’s he talking about?” Tony asked.

“Ooh, look at the doubt forming in their minds.”

“It doesn’t change anything.” Bucky said.

“You still don't understand. I can make Y/N do whatever I want because I know her weakness. I don't need to activate her because if I threaten the right thing she'll do whatever I say. Isn't that right?” He moved my chin so that I would look at him but I didn't say anything. He could see the hate in my eyes but he got mad with me too and slapped me hard across the face. At that everyone reacted. Bucky was the first to attack, but just like before he got thrown across the room. Seeing that, everyone else became poised for an attack and, to use everything he had, he pushed me aside and locked me in some kind of force field. Wanda was the first to attack him and did everything she could to deflect his attacks but he was stronger than the both of us and was able to fight off the other guys with hardly any movement at all.

After their failed attempts, he grabbed Bucky and isolated the two of them from everyone else, and when he knew that no one could stop what he was about to do, he couldn't help but try and beat the life out of him...just like before.

“Stop! I'll go with you.” I yelled when I couldn't take it anymore, tears running down my cheeks.

“Y/N no!” Bucky said, blackeyed and bloody. Everyone else looked at me in shock but what I said had the desired effect. He dropped Bucky and moved into the force field surrounding me. He turned back and looked at Bucky one last time.

“See I just needed a second here with her weakness.” Then he focused his attention back on the reason he was here.

“But we had a deal.” I stood from the floor and faced him.

“We did and I will keep my end.”

“If I keep mine.”

“Exactly.”

“But I want to include the rest of them.”

“The rest of them?”

“Y/N, what are you doing?” Bucky asked. I looked over at him one more time, but didn’t linger, fearing I wouldn’t be able to go through with it if I looked at him any longer.

“It's an interesting notion.”

“It's a yes or a no.”

“We can't just re-negotiate one side.”

“My side of the deal is already much worse than yours.”

“I take that to offense.”

“You should.”

“I've missed that sass, I look forward to kicking it out of you. But you know what, I've found the perfect way to fix this.”

He reached behind him and grabbed something from his pocket, I knew exactly what he was trying to do. And I tried to put a force field of my own between us but he just walked right through. I wrapped my hand around his wrist, trying to fight against his strength for as long as I could, it was hard with only one hand, but ultimately it failed. The needle easily slid into the skin at my neck and he quickly injected the serum into my bloodstream.

“We'll just see who makes it out alive.”

The last thing I remember was Antonoff whispering my activation and supporting my weight as I fell to my knees, feeling the immediate reaction of the serum coursing through my veins.

.

BUCKY’S POV

We had all tried our best to fight against him, to stop this from happening, but instead we now had to prepare ourselves for a fight. Only Steve, Tony and I knew what she was like when she was activated but this was worse. Steve and I knew the pain that followed an injection of the super soldier serum, but we had never had as many injections as Y/N had. And what little Y/N had told me about her reaction to the serum was different than anything I had ever heard before. We didn’t know what to expect, we didn’t know if she would remember us or try to kill us or if she would react at all, but it seemed as if Antonoff knew, and that couldn’t be good.

Her eyes were still closed and my anger slowly grew as he still held her. Her body would convulse every now and then and suddenly her eyes opened. He helped her stand back up and she just stared at all of us. Her eyes were dark, not ones that I recognized, her face was expressionless, and her body stood like a soldier.

“Солдат?” (Soldier?) He asked.

She turned to face him and we all waited to see what she would do.

“Y/N?” He asked again. I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to kill him with my bare hands. And yet even more than that, I didn’t want to do anything to set her off and to me it looked like the team was waiting for me.

“Antonoff.”

“ты готов идти?” (Are you ready to go?)

“Да. Но сначала...” (Yes. But first…) She reached up and wrapped her arm around his neck and his hands moved to her waist. I started to move forward but then she did something I hadn’t been expecting. Her hand moved to his chin and with the aid of her powers she jerked his head to the right, cracking his neck and killing him instantly. “Гнить в аду.” (Rot in Hell.)

As soon as Antonoff was dead the shield separating her from us vanished and yet with the threat not being Antonoff anymore, we didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. She turned back around and the look in her eyes was terrifying.

“Сержант.” (Sergeant) She stated, looking directly at me. Her head tilted to the side as she looked at the team who stood behind me.

She stared at me for a long time, before another convulsion sent her to the ground in pain. She got on her knees and looked back to me, this time the look was different, one of defeat. Her eyes were back to normal and she looked like she was fighting whatever it was inside her.

“Termină asta acum” (Finish this now). Her whole body shook with the power of the serum, her eyes pleaded with me... I had never seen her so vulnerable before.

I just shook my head. “Nu.” (No)

“Vă rog. Nu vreau să…” (Please. I do not want to…) Another convulsion but this time it was stronger, shaking the whole building along with her. She was trying so hard to control her powers, there was a part of her fighting herself and she struggled to keep herself from hurting anyone.

Instead of it stopping though it only got worse. Her hand moved to grip at the floor beneath her causing not only the building to shake but the ground around us. I hated what I had to do, but if she didn’t have her arm we would be that much safer.

I tried my hardest to walk over to her without her noticing and the team all spread out around her waiting for me to give them some direction on how to proceed. I tried just grabbing for her arm but the other side of her instantly panicked and fought against me. I had fought Y/N before, back in Siberia, in training, so I, to try and control the situation, had to believe that this was just training, I had to think of Y/N as anyone but the woman I loved. All of the guys stayed away from the two of us as we fought and I did everything I could to get her in a position to get a hold of her arm.

My last move ended with her on the floor facing down and me on top of her. I quickly grabbed her arm and, I hated every second of it, broke the bone, instantly stopping the shaking of the tower. She screamed out in pain but stopped fighting me when she realized that she had no arms to fight with.

As soon as that realization struck and the Y/N I knew had returned, she just broke into a million pieces and started crying. I could tell that she was in so much pain and it killed me knowing that I had no idea how to help her. I quickly pulled her into my arms and just held her, letting myself feel guilty and sad and mad all at the same time.

When everything stopped shaking, it was as if the world went back to normal for the two of us and yet every time I looked away from Y/N it was as if everything moved in slow motion.

Tony said something to F.R.I.D.A.Y, things about medical personnel and treatment options and then he disappeared. The team started moving around so that they could help set some place up to help better take care of Y/N and then they too disappeared.

And yet the only thing that mattered to me at the moment was Y/N and being close to her after I had hurt her so badly. I had no idea what to do or what I could do that wouldn’t hurt her more, and I knew that she needed help, she needed to see a doctor, but I couldn’t let her go. Luckily though, I think somewhere in the midst of her pain she passed out, which meant that when Tony came back over to me to let me know I could move her, effectively pulling me from my guilt ridden trance, I felt less upset about carrying her to the medical wing.

While she was passed out the med staff quickly went about setting her arm and I stood by hoping that they would do something that would wake her up. They set her up with tubes and IV’s and took some blood samples for testing, handing those to Tony so that he could figure out what exactly Antonoff gave her. Everyone moved around in such a fast motion, getting as much done with what little time they had, and I just watched every little thing they did, unmoving and waiting for everything to go back to normal.

Later, when they had done all that they could, they strapped her down to the bed and placed her in a room that Tony had designed to hold Loki, just in case. If it could hold a god, it could hold Y/N. And hopefully it would keep her safe.

.

Dear Y/N…

.

Dear Y/N,

Today is August 17th, it’s been 3 days…

.

Dear Y/N,

It’s been two weeks now, August is almost over, and I miss you every second…

.

Dear Y/N,

September 26, 2016

It’s been a month and a half and there are still no answers. I want you to wake up…

.

Dear Y/N,

It’s been 3 months, it’s already mid November and you’re still not here. I miss your voice and your smile, I miss everything about you. Everyone’s working hard to figure out what he did, so that we can wake you up and you can be okay again. And despite everything they’ve done you’re still asleep…

.

February 1, 2017

Dear Y/N,

It’s been a little over 5 months now and I feel like we get further and further away from each other. The doctors and scientists and specialists and whoever else they brought in are trying everything they can to get the answers to help you and yet I feel like we’re just running in circles. You would know what was wrong, you would know what to do…

.

“I’m not exactly sure if this is good news or bad news but I think we figured out what may be happening inside of Y/N.” Tony started, his face glowing on the screen that Bruce had just pulled up.  

“And?”

“As you know we took blood samples from you, Steve and Y/N, so that we could take a closer look at the serum. And as it turns out, all three of you have a different serum inside of you. Steve’s is the simplest of all and yet it looks like Dr. Erskine manipulated it the most. From the research we were able to find, a lot of the chemicals that contribute to the controlling factor of your Serum, were taken out and was left with just the enhancement part. And this adds up with what the military wanted to achieve when they started looking for someone for Project Rebirth. Now yours is the most recent version of the serum, and therefore the most updated, but we’ll come back to that because Y/N’s is obviously the worst out of all three.”

“Of course it is.” I murmured.

“So from what we could find in the HYDRA files, Y/N has had over 11 injections of serum.” Bruce brought up some files on the screen

“11?” I shut my eyes for a moment, I could feel myself getting mad.

“That we know of and including this most recent one.”

“God.” This couldn’t get any worse.

“We weren’t able to track the exact chemical makeup and differences of the serums from injection to injection, but what we were able to find out, lines up with what we’re seeing now in her blood.”

“Okay...”

“Her first injection of the serum was in June of 1918.”

“Right, we saw the video.” I briefly looked to Steve who was sitting behind me, there but not really saying anything.

“We read the transcriptions, from what we could understand. And the formula was written down which helps, but what doesn’t help is that the 11 injections don’t count for the fact that there were 7 attempts before the first one to activate her.  For those 7, there are no records, probably because they didn’t work, which leaves us a little worse for wear.”

“What does this mean for Y/N?”

“Just that there’s no way to know what exactly they did to her or what they gave to her. We were able to find some differences from yours which is more than likely part of the other serums but we won’t know everything that they did which will just make treating her a little more difficult.”

“More difficult how?”

“Well we know for a fact that the ingredients that make up your serum are in her bloodstream, which is what we expected. What we didn’t expect was everything else that was also there, all the other chemicals from all the other injections. To try and flush out any of this last serum we would have to have the exact recipe and even if we did have it, there’s no telling what we would be able to give her that wouldn’t set off something else inside her.”

“Then what can we do? Is she just going to sit there in a coma forever?” Tony turned to Bruce.

“No...we figured something else out.” He didn’t look too assured.

“Which is?”

“The makeup of the first injection was written down, but it was also a failed test, the serum didn’t work like they wanted it to.”

“And?”

“And...when they activated her and gave her that mission, as soon as she completed the mission she came out of the activation. The serum didn’t stay in her bloodstream, they lost control of her too soon.”

“So kind of like it burned away?”

“Kind of, it’s more like the serum’s job was just to control her and when she had done what they wanted the serum was used up.”

“So then…”

“So then they needed to find a way to make it permanent, so that they could activate her whenever they wanted to.”

“Which is what I have.”

“Right. We also think that the whole cryo freezing thing was to slow down the…“evaporation” of the serum in her bloodstream.”

“But if mine was permanent, then why would they do the same to me?”

“Control, mostly. That and it was an easy way for them to brainwash you, there was no way for you to bring back any memories if you were frozen. Your mind would have been in such a vulnerable space from electrocution to the freezing that you would have been more susceptible to the activation. And then obviously they wanted to keep you alive, so freezing you would keep you from aging.” Bruce cut back in.

“The idea started with her though, she wouldn’t stop trying to run away, so it was their best way to keep her from escaping.” Bruce finished.

“So do you know what the difference is between the first serum and the permanent serum?”

“According to her father’s journal, he’s a real piece by the way, the 10th injection was the one that she received after her father rescued her from this man who had taken her hostage. Apparently the night club she had been singing at had been ambushed by—” Tony answered.

“The Howling Commandos.”

“I should have saved her.” Steve said, the first thing he had said since we got here.

“We couldn’t have—”

“If I had saved her, she wouldn’t have been injected again and she wouldn’t have been activated when she found you and was forced to take you back to them.”

“Yeah and I would have been dead. The one thing that you keep forgetting is that you saved me that day and I still would have gone out on that train and I still would have fallen, but I probably would have frozen to death if she hadn’t found me.”

“The more I find out about HYDRA the more I want to go and punch something.”

“And we’re not even done yet, but anyway...every time she was activated the serum would slowly fade away and so when she finally wasn’t able to be activated they injected her again.The permanent injection that she received was the initial test before they gave it you. So when she brought you back with no problem and completed a few other missions you probably don’t want to hear about, without the slightest deviation from her orders, they had finally come up with the right serum. That being said, It was a while before they were able to figure out that memories could knock her out of an activation, apparently she was really good at hiding it.”

“Sounds like her.” I smiled for the first time since we started this conversation. But then again I feel like I haven’t smiled in what felt like years.

“This is all good information to know but what happens now?” Steve said, bringing me out of my own head.

“Well...This last injection was different.” Tony said.

“How so?” I asked, still hoping for an answer some time soon.

“We think that it may have been a highly concentrated version of the original serum. ”

“You think?”

“Well there are other chemicals there too, which are probably still there from the other injections, we just don’t know the exact chemical makeup of this injection specifically. A lot of the serums had the same chemicals in them which didn’t go away as fast because there was more of it and there are some other chemicals that could have been there and are now completely gone. But from what we can tell, the first is the closest.”

“At least that theory adds up with the way she was behaving. It was scary how much she was like that video. But I also thought it was really amazing the way she came in and out of it after she killed Antonoff. I was confused by it at the time but she was fighting so hard.”

“When we compare the two situations, we find that they’re both just so similar to each other that the closest answer would have to be the first serum. And if she came out of it right after she killed her mom than I don’t see why this time would be too different. Of course, other than the fact that we don’t know the exact formula of this serum, for her it could have been the same and that’s why she was able to come out of it. Her memories could have helped her.”

“I hope not. She never talks about her mom but especially not about that day. I hate to think of her being trapped in her head with those memories running free.”

“Well unfortunately with the serum still in her veins her mind may be the safest place for her.” 

There was a long pause as I tried to control all of my emotions, it wasn’t their fault we didn’t have all the answers.

“Anything else about the serum?” Honestly I was even worried asking the question.

“Just that the report had high levels of the ingredients from the original serum, but even then it may not be the original because there are other ingredients with similar levels that aren’t part of the original...like I said we just don’t know everything.”

“So what does this have to do with helping Y/N, then?”

“We’re saying that we may have a way to fix this.”

“And?” Tony and Bruce looked at each other and then at me.

“And the best thing we could come up with, for now, is to activate her.” Bruce said, literally the worst thing that they could have ever suggested.

“You want to activate HYDRA's most deadly weapon.”

“To burn off the serum...yes.”

“You do realize that the first activation that she went under for was to kill her mother...right? Like that was the whole mission.”

“Right.”

“Who would you like her to kill?”

“Well we don’t want her to kill anyone.”

“We think if we come up with a strong enough mission, one that we know she would be able to complete, then she would be back to normal once she finished.” Bruce added.

“I don’t think you understand what you’re asking from either of us.”

“Bucky—” Steve tried to cut in.

“No! No, Steve. The last time I checked, none of you spoke Russian, which means that I would have to be the one that activated her. And you don’t have the image of her fear imprinted in your mind at the near mention of those words, even in everyday sentences. Not only that but Y/N would never go for that, there are way too many risks and everything has to be worded perfectly and there’s no guarantee that this would even work. If she got activated and didn’t complete her mission she would be stuck...do you realize that? If I can’t pull her out, she’s stuck like that forever.”

“She’s already stuck forever, unless we figure out something to do. The instability of having so much of this serum in her causes her to loose control and we can’t wake her up until we know that she won’t destroy us all.” Tony tried to reason

“If she’s in a coma she’s not hurting anyone, that’s what she would have wanted.”

That was the first time I had ever talked about her in the past tense, like she was gone.

.

I’m a wreck without you, I try and do stuff outside of the hospital, I went to the market yesterday, but nothing feels the same without you here. I still have hope that you’ll come back to me and yet everyday it gets harder and harder to keep that hope close to me. Especially when I see your sleeping face and feel you so far away from me. I want things to go back to normal. I want to feel your touch again, I want so many things. But truly I just need you.

Love,

Me

.

Love,

Me

.

Let Me Know What You Think Here

PART TWENTY-FOUR 

[grimelords]

My April playlist is finished! Please allow me to take you on a journey from the heaven of THP Orchestra to the hell of Inter Arma over three action packed hours. Specially sequenced for maximum enjoyment, there’ll be at least one thing in here you’ll love - I guarantee it. Listen here.

Good To Me - THP Orchestra: I've said it before and I'll say it again, the number one way to find good songs is to go through the whosampled page for Duck Sauce's 2013 album Quack because every single thing they put into that album is a bonafide classic.

I'm Your Boogie Man - KC & The Sunshine Band: I saw Jungle last week and they were absolutely amazing, and the venue started playing this song as soon as the house lights went up after the show which is an extremely good way to get people to not leave your venue and boogie instead. My favourite part of this is near the end of the second verse where he gets even lazier than normal with the lyrics and just says "I want to love you.. ah.. from sundown.. sunup".

Work It Out - A-Trak: I love this new A-Trak song that sounds like a secret lost bonus track from Discovery right down to that specific wah sound on the guitar.

Starlight - The Supermen Lovers: There was all this news last year that Music Sounds Better With You by Stardust was getting remastered and rereleased for its 20th anniversary and was going to finally be on streaming services that seems to have just.. not happened. It never materialized so now I'm stuck listening to the 2nd rate but still extremely good Music Sounds Better With You knockoff, Starlight by the worst named band ever The Supermen Lovers. The songs aren't even that similar particularly but that's just my personal feelings.

Girlsrock - Siriusmo: A friend of mine is a sort of expert on the whole Ed Banger mid-late 2000s electro scene and it's extremely good because he'll just send me songs like this every now and then that are totally sick and make it feel like there was somehow thousands of hours of this kind of music produced at that time and only the tip of the iceberg made it to public consumption.

11:17 - Danger: Somehow I didn't even notice that Danger had a new album in January but I'm finally listening now and it's a proper return to form and really, really good. This song sounds like if the haunted VHS tape from the The Ring was taped over an 80s workout video.

Ultrasonic Sound - Hive: I went to a 20th anniversary screening of The Matrix at The Astor and great news: that movie still kicks ass and rocks completely and has possibly gotten better in the two decades since its release. Someone had curated a really good mix that they were playing in the foyer after the movie and this song was in it. A heady mix of drum and bass and nu-metal guitar crunch that feels like a 1999 calendar picked up by a strong wind and slapping you in the face.

Homo Deus VII - Deantoni Parks: STILL loving and finding new things to love about this Deantoni Parks album for the third month in a row. I'm repeating myself but this music is just so good and feels so completely original to me. It's a great mix of complete technical mastery and the self imposed limitations of a restricted sample palette. Forcing himself to do absolutely everything he can with the sound and fairly well exhausting it over the course of 9 minutes.

Catacomb Kids - Aesop Rock: There's a good line to trace between this and Acid King by Malibu Ken where Aesop Rock's been thinking about Ricky Kasso for like ten years now which is interesting. There's lots of just very nice sounding lines in this like "Crispy the godsender who thunk over a quarter plunk to local Mortal Kom vendor". Just good weird word combos painting a very impressionistic picture of growing up. "deplanting cadavers" "zoo-keeper facelift". Very nice.

Mask Off - Future: I've never listened to Future much which is weird because he's very good but this is a song that just comes into my head pretty often. Metro Boomin's brain is huge and the vibe he created on this is just amazing. Wringing this sort of atmosphere out of the sample without sacrificing any of the trap beat at the center of it is such an achievement.

Old Town Road (Remix) - Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus: Everything that could ever be said about Old Town Road has probably already been written by now but my favourite part is finding out that the sample is from Ghosts by Nine Inch Nails which means it's also Trent Reznor's first writing credit on a #1 song. Absolutely praying for Trent and Atticus to join Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus on stage at the Grammys to perform this.

Claudia Lewis - M83: Every so often I remember just how good Hurry Up We're Dreaming is and listen to it on repeat for a while. It's absolutely amazing. Start to finish (except for Raconte-Moi Une Historie which SUCKS) it's just fantastic. I looked up why this song is called Claudia Lewis and it turns out that has an extremely good answer "I was surfing the web & found this website with space poems – Claudia Lewis had 3-4 space poems on this site. They were pretty bad space poems but I found it super moving, there was something very innocent about it. She’s probably super young like 12 or 14 but I don’t know her or how she looks or anything about her. I just know that she writes cheesy space poems."

OK Pal - M83: Every single musical element of this song is just perfect. I love the huge broad chords, the synth bends, the massive drums, the inverted Dead Flag Blues monologue. It's just beautiful.Little Secrets - Passion Pit: Passion Pit is currently on a 10th anniversary tour for Manners and I feel age 100 which is no good. But this song is good and it contains in my opinion one of the all time greatest drum fills after the first chorus. Huge, super air-drummable, and very functional: perfect.

Blood - City Calm Down: I think "I'm the one who wants your blood" is just such a great an evocative refrain and I wish he said it one million times more in this song.

Television - City Calm Down: Absolutely love the idea of writing a song about how bloody TV is the bloody opiate of the masses that sounds like a Clash cover in 2019 and sounding so deliberately out of the zeitgeist and doing it so well and with such conviction that it’s absolutely great.

I Am The Resurrection - The Stone Roses: We went to Andrew McLelland's Finishing School and he played this as his last song in honour of Easter Sunday and described it as the greatest piece of acoustic dance music he's ever heard which is honestly not a bad description - it's an absolute jam.

Daisy - Pond: It's very cool that there's like an evil, mirror version of Tame Impala that exists in Pond. I think every band should have that.

Crying Lighting - Arctic Monkeys: Basically the reason this song is on this list is because I got stuck in a loop of saying "your pastimes, consisted of the strange and twisted and deranged and I hate that little game you had called "crying lightning" in a Werner Herzog voice to myself and I thought it was funny.

Keeping Time - Angie McMahon: Angie McMahon is so damn good at songs and I cannot believe it! She's only got like 5 and they're all incredible. She’s gonna be huge!

The House That Heaven Built - Japandroids: Sterogum had a really good writeup the other day about Post-Nothing turning 10 years old that turned into a wrap up of why Japandroids are such a good band and why Celebration Rock is a perfect album and it really crystallized a lot of my feelings about them. They're number one on my list of Bands That Make You Want To Start A Band for a good reason and this article really nails the whole young men figuring it all out feeling of Japandroids' music. I really think both Japandroids albums should be called Youth And Young Manhood but Kings Of Leon already took that name. I remember when my friend first turned me on to Post-Nothing he said he didn't want to tell anyone else except me because it was so good and it was Best Friends Music and I really believe that. It’s best friends music through and through. When I saw them a couple of years ago it was as part of a sort of impromptu road trip with my best friend and I think that was the best context I could have given it. It's absolutely one of the best shows I've been to in my life and also Osher Gunsberg was in the crowd behind me but that's not part of the story. https://www.stereogum.com/2041439/japandroids-post-nothing-turns-10/franchises/the-anniversary/

Motor Runnin - Pist Idiots: The pub rock revival just keeps getting better and better. At the minute it's basically just Bad//Dreems, West Thebarton and these guys but I'm sure there's a million other bands bubbling under that are just about to break as well. I love this song, it's just straight up old fashioned pissed off rock and roll that somehow doesn't feel old fashioned at all.

Chains - As Cities Burn: As Cities Burn have reunited and have a new album coming out and I'm extremely wary of it because they're potentially ruining their previously discussed perfect streak. This is the first single and it's.. good I guess. It's kind of just normal and sort of outdated, a little bit of a step backward into safety for a band that was always changing and moving forward. I think I have a worm living in my brain though because I keep listening to it just because I really love the drum sound. They're very nicely mixed. Some very nice sounding drums.

Whacko Jacko Steals The Elephant Man's Bones - The Fall Of Troy: I was talking with some friends about young musicians because of Billie Eilish, and so we were talking about how Alanis Morrisette won a grammy when she was 21 and Taylor Swift won a grammy when she was 20 and Lorde made Royals when she was 17 and all that but what people don't realise is Thomas Erak wrote Doppelganger when he was 20 and it was his second album. He's 34 now and his music sucks badly. That's insane. What will happen to me when I'm 34? Chilling to think about. 

A New Uniform / Patagonia - Tera Melos: I think Patagonian Rats is still my favourite Tera Melos album. Toss up between that and Untitled actually. But I love this one for how cohesive it feels. For a band whose whole ethos is chaos it's amazing how well it all comes together as a complete work tied up with a bow by the Skin Surf reprise near the end. I love this song because it's two sketches of songs tied together into one little chaotic lump and the big Primary! Secondary! finale is just so satisfying.

Talking Heads - Black Midi: Black Midi finally have actually proper recorded songs on spotify! The way Black Midi is getting talked about at the moment really feels like the days of blog buzz are back, it's crazy. If you haven't seen it yet here's the KEXP session that's rightfully getting them so much attention https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMn1UuEIVvA I've watched it so many times and it's really something. The best part is the comments are full of music dudes just naming every band ever. "this sounds like if slint, polvo and hella did crack and had a gangbang" yuck "imagine them opening for Swans and/or Daughters" yuck "they're like if Minute Men and Frank Zappa had a baby and that baby dated the child of Talking Heads and Can but then got dumped for their best friend who was adopted and raised by their single parent Voivod but they were cool and stayed friends and listened to Tortoise and Thelonious Monk and got stoned and started a band and conquered the world." yuck "Slint meets Sonic youth meets Pere Ubu meets drive like jehu meets Beefheart...these guys took all that is deranged and twisted in rock and made one big soup of it!" yuck. Anyway the point is they rock completely and here's my addition to the band names: the way he sings sounds like Sting lol.

Walking On The Moon - The Police: This song makes you dumb I think. It's like the dumbest song in the world and listening to it makes your brain mushier, which makes you dumb and stupid. It's very good.

Rubber Bullies - Tropical Fuck Storm: I saw Tropical Fuck Storm opening for Kurt Vile the other day and it was absolutely incredible. My first time seeing them properly, not counting the live soundtrack they did for No Country For Old Men which was was a whole different kind of amazing. It feels like Gaz has finally put together a band that can keep up with is ferocious energy and the result is scary - they basically tore the place apart which makes them a funny opener for Kurt Vile who was as chilled out, relaxed and fun as you'd expect. They played this song near the end of their set and somehow I hadn't really noticed it when I listened to the album but now I can't stop listening to it. It's so good. I love the increasing paranoia of the backing vocals, especially in the last verse as it builds and builds.

Taman Shud - The Drones: This might be the best Drones song. It's a list that's constantly being revised in my head but it's top 5 definitely. It's nice listening to Feeling Kinda Free now knowing what he was going to do with Tropical Fuck Storm because it's all here. Fighting against the constraints of his regular sound and regular songwriting and eventually finding the solution in forming a whole new band. I love this song for a million reasons but the escalation of the disregard is very good. “I don't care about Andrew Bolt or Ned Kelly or the southern cross or the union jack” and you're nodding and then he says ‘I don't really care if you're a pedophile’ and you're nodding but slower. I get what he means in terms of media hype and whatever but it's still a very funny line. Anyway "why'd I give a rats about your tribal tats? You came here on a boat you fucking cunt" is grade A.

Dawn Patrol - Megadeth: The best thing about Megadeth is the sort of half baked politics. Dave Mustaine is the best kind of moron, he engages with everything at a gut level but believes he's being very cerebral about it at the same time. This little intro song about a nuclear post-apocalypse is so good because it's a legitimate warning and a response to legitimate worries but it's also like.. wouldn't that be sick if we had to wear gas masks and carry assault rifles around because all the nukes exploded and everyone was dead. What if there was zombies.

Rust In Peace... Polaris - Megadeth: The story behind Holy Wars... The Punishment Due is so good. "Mustaine has said that at a show in Antrim, Northern Ireland, he discovered bootlegged Megadeth T-shirts were on sale. He was dissuaded from taking action to have them removed on the basis that they were part of fund raising activities for "The Cause", explained as something to bring equality to Catholics and Protestants in the region. Liking how "The Cause" sounded as was explained to him, Mustaine dedicated a performance of "Anarchy In The UK" to it, causing the audience to riot. The band were forced to travel in a bulletproof bus after the show" I just love him. I'd like to share a Dave Mustain quotes about this song also. "I was driving home from Lake Elsanon. I was tailgating somebody, racing down the freeway, and I saw this bumper sticker on their car and it said, you know, this tongue in cheek stuff like, ‘One nuclear bomb could ruin your whole day,’ and then I looked on the other side and it said, ‘May all your nuclear weapons rust in peace,’ and I’m going, ‘'Rust in Peace.’ Damn, that’s a good title.�� And I’m thinking like, 'What do they mean, rust in peace?’ I could just see it now – all these warheads sitting there, stockpiled somewhere like seal beach, you know, all covered with rust and stuff with kids out there spray-painting the stuff, you know." Goes ahead and writes a kick ass song from the perspective of a nuclear warhead containing the line "rotten egg air of death wrestles your nostrils".

Planet B - King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard: King Gizz are Megadeth now and I love it! The cold war is global warming now and we desperately need new thrash metal about it to save us!

Primodial Wound - Inter Arma: If you can't tell by me including three of their songs on this playlist I'm still having an absolute time with Inter Arma. Something I really love about this band is their ability to sit in a vibe for so long and expand on it. They're not songs with narrative arcs and multiple contrasting sections, they're songs that just kind of dig deeper on themselves. This one starts deep and then by thinning out entirely at around 6 minutes in only gets darker.

Howling Lands - Inter Arma: This song made me dream of a Dark Souls game where Inter Arma does the soundtrack. It's a peabrained thought but it's one that really got me thinking. This is boss music of the highest order: a song seemingly about itself and the hellbound denizens cursed to perform it in the arena of hell.

Sulphur English - Inter Arma: It's extremely funny to listen to this song a bunch of times and be completely blown away by the total power and ethereal majesty of it and then look up the lyrics to find out that it's about Trump in that very good way of putting normal thoughts through a metal lyrics filter "The charlatan sets his eyes towards the throne / tongue adrip in revolting ecstasy" "Sever the corrupt tongue of the imperious fool / silence the gangrenous root of his abhorrent voice"

Peepin' Tom - Courtney Barnett: When I saw Kurt Vile he brought out Courtney Barnett to play Over Everything as an encore and it was so good to see just how much a hometown crowd loves her. Everyone lost their shit! We love our good friend Courtney! I think I've written about this before but Peeping Tom is one of my favourite Kurt Vile songs and I think Courtney's version is even better. Her voice is perfect for it and she really has to show off her range to do it which I love. The super deep 'peeping' to the high cascading 'tom' is a perfect musical moment to me.​

listen here