#i saved the worst puns for the tags & upcoming spinoff crack

[hollowwhisperings]

The Real Housewives of Westeros: Wives & Widows Frey

I saw the Joke and Ran With It. Most of these women exist as Names Only, few having much in the way of Personal Biography. I have "Made Do", when plausible, by connecting them to Each Other &/or to Better Known Characters. As their ages are generally Not Given (or are of Ridiculous Range), feel free to HC them as the Reality TV Stars of Your Choosing: my knowledge of such shows ends with their having Fun Titles & Dubious Authenticity.

CW: spoilers on canoical character deaths (TWoW excerpts included), reference to the Red Wedding ("RW"), implications of infidelity (& thus in-setting slutshaming), mentions of canonical cousin-incest (& occasional debunkings thereof), casual speculation on Theories of Varying Degrees of Crackiness (largely shoved into As Yet Unposted "Footnote" Posts but I may have Missed Some).

The (As Yet Unwidowed) Housewives of House Frey

• Lady Joyeuce Erenford of the Crossing, b. 282/283 AC (17). The 8th & current wife of Lord Walder Frey (92). Pregnant, allegedly by "Black" Walder (a great-grandson of her husband). Expectant Widow.

• Janyce Hunter, wife of Edwyn Frey (Heir Apparent of Lord Walder Frey). Mother of Walda (9~10, 2nd in line to inherit The Twins). Expectant Widow & Prospective Bride of "Black" Walder Frey (...assuming he doesn't claim his Nieces as his bastards, delegitimizing them all). Of unknown relation to the current Lord Hunter of Longbow Hall (while a Rosby-Frey does serve as that Castle's Maester, Janyce married into the Royce-Freys).

• Deana Hardyng, wife of Walton Frey (a character in Name-Only). Mother of Steffon "the Sweet" (20~40), "Fair" Walda (19/20) & Bryan (9~19, a squire). Of unknown relation to Ser Harrold Hardyng, likely an aunt or cousin.

• Lady Genna Lannister of Riverrun (55), wife of Lord Emmon Frey (RW participant). Only sister of the late Lord Tywin Lannister & a maternal figure to his 3 children. Mother of Ser Cleos (killed pre-RW), Ser Lyonel (27~32, likely RW participant), Tion (murdered pre-RW) & "Red" Walder (15, a page at Casterly Rock). Goodsister of Perriane Frey. Expectant Widow (by her own husband, no less!).

• Melesa Crakehall, wife of Ser Lyonel Frey (likely participant in the RW). Without issue. Her husband is 3rd in line to inherit Riverrun & 15th in line to inherit The Twins. Goodsister of Jeyne Darry. Of unknown relation to Shiera Crakehall (wife of Ser Damion Lannister, the current castellan of Casterly Rock), Lord Roland of Crakehall (for whom both Merrett Frey & Ser Jaime Lannister squired in their Begrudgingly Shared Childhood) or the late Lady Amarei Crakehall (3rd wife of Lord Frey). Her husband is of the Royce-Freys (the line of Lord Walder by his 1st wife, Perra Royce), Just In Case you were Worried.

• Ryella Royce, wife of Ser Arwood Frey (a Schrodinger's RW participant). Mother of Ryella (6), twins Androw & Alyn (4) & Hostella (~1). Probably a daughter of Lord Yohn Royce & thusly the "Goodsister" of Ser Mychel Redfort. Of unknown relation to the late Perra Royce and her line of Royce-Freys. Her husband is of the Crakehall-Freys, just in case you were Worried.

• Lady Lythene Frey, wife of Lord Lucias Vypren (RW participant). Mother of Elyana (19~37) & Ser Damon (18~36). Goodsister of Bellena Hawick, Betharios of Braavos, Wynafrei Whent, Lady Mariya Darry, Carolei Waynwood & Beony Beesbury. Likely RW Conspirator.

• Elyana Vypren (19~37), wife of Ser Jon Wylde (probable RW participant). Mother of Rickard (5).

• Betharios of Braavos, wife of Symond Frey (RW participant). Mother of Alesander the Singer (19~27), Alyx (18) & Bradamer (11, ward of a Braavosi merchant). Possible spymaster. Both her husband & eldest child have Disappeared: her son from the RW, alongside Olyvar & Ser Perwyn; her husband was last seen leaving White Harbour for Barrowton on a gifted palfrey*. As ever, I have Theories (noted far below, in Footnotes): notably, to me, none of her children are named for Lord Walder (a good guide on Which Freys have Ambitions, generally speaking).

• Wynafrei Whent, wife of Ser Danwell Frey (RW participant). Without issue, to the distress of them both. Of unknown relation to the Late Ladies: Sarya (5th wife of Lord Frey, one of Danwell's step-mothers), Shella (last Lady of Harrenhal), or Minisa Whent (mother of Catelyn, Lysa & Edmure Tully). She & her husband are guests at Castle Darry.

• Lady Walda Frey of the Dreadfort, b. 283/284 AC (16). Wife of Lord Roose Bolton (key engineer of the RW & Murderer of King Robb). Pregnant & Rightfully Terrified: the latest Victim in the Winterfell Murder Mysteries was her brother, "Little" Walder Frey (9), & she's been living with Ramsay Bolton. The Safety of the pregnant Lady Bolton is Motive for the Darry-Freys to "Turncloak" on their kin or, at least, Houses Bolton & Lannister. A Certain Northern Spymaster (recent escapee of the Boltons of Winterfell), may prove "Helpful" in this regard... assuming Littlefinger or an Envoy of "Aegon Targaryen" don't beat him to it.

• Beony Beesbury, wife of Ser Raymund Frey (murderer of Lady Catelyn Tully of Winterfell). Mother of Robert (17, an acolyte of the Citadel), Malwyn (16, an apprentice alchemist in Lys), the twins Serra & Sarra (15), Cersei "Little Bee" (7), & the twins Jaime & Tywin (<1). Her having "twin" sets of twins whilst living at "The Twins" likely aided in Inspiring the Ambitions of her husband & (presumably) herself. Of unknown relation to the late Jeyne Beesbury (wife of Rhaegar Frey of the Royce-Freys) or Lord Warryn Beesbury of Honeyholt.

• Leonella Lefford, wife of "Lame" Lothar Frey (key engineer of the RW). Mother of Tysane (8), Walda (5), Emberlei (3) & Leana (~1). Of unknown relation to Lady Alysanne Lefford of Golden Tooth. Goodsister of Sallei & Sylwa Paege, of Morya & Tyta "the Maid" Frey. Her involvement in her husband's [war crimes] is Unspecified but she does have a daughter named "Walda".

• Sallei Paege, wife of Ser Jammos Frey (RW participant). Mother of "Big" Walder (9) & the twins Dickon & Mathis (6). Likely a sister of Sylwa Paege (entry below Sallei's though I suspect Sylwa is the elder of the two). Of unknown relation to Ser Halmon (last known Head of House Paege) or Ser Robert (friend of Edmure Tully) Paege.

• Sylwa Paege, wife of Ser Whalen Frey (RW participant). Mother of Hoster (13) & "Merry" Frey (12). Likely a sister of Sallei.

• Morya Frey, wife of Ser Flement Brax (RW participant). Mother of Robert (10), Walder (7) & Jon (4).

• Roslin Frey (18), wife of Edmure Tully. Traumatised Bride of The RW. Currently a Pregnant Hostage of the Lannister-Freys of Riverrun. Goodsister of the late Ladies Stark & Arryn. Part of the Conditions for Ser Jaime's success in lifting the Siege of Riverrun was the Safe Reunion of Edmure & Roslin... as hostages in Casterly Rock (after she gives birth). Known to pray for a girl (lest a son get Immediately Murdered).

• The Schrodinger's Mother of Walder Haigh, presumably the living wife of Ser Harys Haigh (RW participant). "Exists" due to Walder (5) being of Legitimate birth; does not Exist due to her lacking any indication whatsoever of being Alive (or Dead).

The (Current) Widows Frey

• Mylenda Caron, b. 258~266 AC (34~42). Widow of Petyr Frey (RW participant). Mother of Perra Frey (6), 4th in line to inherit The Twins. Prospective bride of "Black" Walder, assuming he doesn't wed her Goodsister, delegitimize both their children (& their mothers with them) or, y'know, just Kills Them All (a fear of Edwyn Frey's). Potential claimant to Nightsong, where a Ser Rolland Storm is Lord (by the decree of King Stannis, due to the deaths of his Lord Father & legitimate half-brother) though their exact relation is unknown.

• Jeyne Darry, widow of Ser Cleos Frey (killed prior to the RW). Mother of "Ty" (12, heir of Riverrun), & Willem (10, a page at Ashemark). Goodsister of Melessa Crakehall (wife of Ser Lyonel of the Royce-Freys) & the Crakehall-Freys (children of Lord Walder by the late Amarei Crakehall, her relation to Melessa being unknown) through her elder sister, Lady Mariya Darry. Resents being "displaced" in the inheritance of Castle Darry (despite her rather comfortable position as the Future Regent of Riverrun).

• Perriane Frey (50's), widow of Ser Leslyn Haigh (RW participant). Eldest daughter of Lord Walder (by the late Perra Royce). Mother of Ser Harys (17~49), Ser Donnel (16~48) & Alyn (9~47, a squire). At least 2 of her sons participated in the RW. 22nd in line for The Twins. The relation of Lord Yohn Royce to the late Perra Royce (& thus the Royce-Freys) is unspecified.

• Zhoe Blanetree, widow of Ser Tytos Frey (killed outside the RW). Mother of Zia (15) & Zachery (13, student at the Sept of Oldtown). Goodsister of Kyra Frey.

• Kyra Frey (30-40's), widow of Ser Garse Goodbrook (RW participant). Daughter of Ser Jared Frey by his cousin, the late Alys Frey. Mother of Walder (10) & Jeyne (7).

• Bellena Hawick, widow of Ser Hosteen Frey (RW participant, killed in TWoW?). Mother of Ser Arwood (18~40). Goodsister of the Crakehall-Freys. Probable guest at Castle Darry.

• Lady Mariya Darry. Widow of Merrett Frey (RW participant). Mother of "Gatehouse" Ami (18), "Fat" Walda (17), Marissa (15) & the late "Little" Walder Frey (9). She & her children are Directly Responsible for my gaining An Interest in the Intrigues of the Frey Civil War.

• Lady Amerei Frey of Castle Darry (18). Eldest daughter of Lady Mariya Darry by the late Merrett Frey (RW participant). Twice-married & newly single, whomever wins Ami's Hand in Matrimony shall have Lordship (of Castle Darry). Her Loyalties & Tracts of Land are Actually Rather Important**, plot-wise.

• Carolei Waynwood, widow of Ser Geremy Frey ("drowned"). Mother of Sandor (14, a squire) & Cynthea (9, a ward at Iron Oaks). Probably a daughter of Lady Anya Waynwood, given her children's places within Lady Waynwood's Household. Both children are in attendance for the upcoming Tourney of the Winged Brotherhood at the Gates of the Moon (held for Lord Robert Arryn by the suggestion of "Alayne Stone"). If she yet lives, Carolei is likely sheltering with her Goodsisters at Castle Darry.

• Jyana Frey, widow of her cousin Ser Benfrey Frey (RW participant). Mother of "Deaf" Della (4) & Osmund (3). Goodsister of Roslin Frey.

Footnotes (links to Elaborated Tinhattery)

*Betharios of Norvos & Frey Pies: "They Were Ahorse". [Post upcoming].

**"Gatehouse Ami" & the Gate Next Door: How Wooing Darry Could Win Conquest of Westeros. [Post upcoming].