#i said ofc. cant imagine any of them having been made that long ago

[hiveswap]

worst hyperfixation in years btw. homestuck was kinder

[lucy90712]

hey bestie idk if i requested this already but imagine u and quackity have been friends since u were young, and one day u both go on a drive around town. at the end of the night he takes you out to a view point and leads you out of the car to where ur leaning against a railing in front of the headlights ?? sorry i cant really explain that good :((( and after a bit of admiring the view he turns to his side and confesses that he’s liked you since u were kids and he wants to be ur bf and ofc u say yes

NOW IMAGINE HIS DASHCAM COUGHT THE WHOKE THING AND ON TWITTER HE SAYS SOMETHING LIKE “thinking about the fact i have a dash cam video of me telling y/n i was in love with them for the first time” JESUS CHRIST

and if someone asks about it on stream he just pretends it never happened LMAO

also this is heavily inspired by a tiktok i saw two months ago LMAO

Confessions

Why is it so nerve wracking to tell your best friend since childhood that you like that as more than that, it doesn't need to be this hard right? All those movies where they just seem to confess are so wrong I've been thinking about doing this for years and can never manage to convince myself to actually go though with whatever plan I come up with. However tonight I'm going to change this I'm determined to tell them how I feel no matter all the thoughts that keep running through my head about losing them if they don't feel the same. Everything is planned out perfectly in my head now all I have to do is execute the plan.

Finally the time came where I went to pick them up to go for a late night drive like we do all the time it has just kind of become our thing. We always used to use our late night drives to rant to each other and let go of everything we've been holding in all week which we still do occasionally now but mostly we catch up because of our busy schedules we don't talk as much as we used to. The night was really perfect today with so many stars and the moon out providing a little bit of light in the otherwise dark sky and y/n just looked so amazing even though they were only in comfy clothes but the way the light was hitting their face was just magical.

We drove through all our usual spots until we reached the place I had intended for us to stop which is somewhere I have been a few times but I've never taken y/n here and I think they will love it. We arrived to the little view point which you couldn't see much of what it showed but nonetheless I parked the car and we went to stand by the railings together looking out into the night. The moment felt so perfect just like how I had wanted it to but my nerves were staring to get the better of me so it became now or never so I went for it.

"Y/n I have something to confess" I said

"What is is? Is everything ok" they asked

"Everything is fine I just need to tell you that I've had feelings for you for a while now and I complete get if you don't feel the same I just couldn't keep them to myself any longer" I rambled

"Hey stop I have feelings for you too" they half whispered

“Wait really” I questioned

They simply nodded in response with the biggest smile on their face which only made my smile impossibly bigger.

“Well then will you be my partner?” He asked

“Of course I will” they replied

We stood at the railings a while longer with my arms around their waist just really soaking up the time we had together before morning came and life commenced as normal and once again we rush around like headless chickens trying to get everything done but now we can do that knowing we have each other to keep each other company and make life that little bit more enjoyable.

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been a few days since that night and I’ve been so much happier which my stream chat have noticed the difference and I can’t help but want to tell people about y/n because they just make me so happy and I think its been pretty obvious to everyone but each other that we’ve had these feelings a long time. I decided to give in and with y/n’s permission i decided to send out a very cryptic tweet to my private twitter just to get it out my system and then never bring it up again.

Quackitytheduck: thinking about the fact I have a dash cam video of me telling y/n I was in love with them

Stupidly I decided to stream after putting out the tweet and the chat was asking so many questions which I guess is completely on me but it felt so good to tell people even if I wasn’t going to confirm anything or even bring it up again until we were ready but a small part of me was happy that people were excited about me finally having someone to love.

[utterlyinevitable]

Today’s bed time story was actually fluffy??????

Like wasn’t compelete fluff but it was pretty pleasant???????

Loved it 💕 thank you ☺️

two days late on the need for fluff. better late than never ??? 

transcript under the cut 💕

Trying to Plan a Forever

So ub has been in wayhaven for about two years manning the hatches and whatnot with their detective. Mason and Lia had fallen into a relationship more than a year ago. 

One off day they’re sitting around her apartment and she’s sorting through the pile of Mail she’s ignored

She received not one, but three wedding invitations from people she’s gone to high school with. All within a few weekends of each other

She stared and groaned.

When did she get so old that everyone’s getting married?

She’s nearing 30 and her biological clock has been ticking and she’s caught herself wanting things she never dreamed of before.

She’s sitting on the couch next to where Mason is sprawled out. The three ornate invitations staring back at her. Almost mockingly.

“What?” He asks pulling her out of that weird state and face she’s making. 

“Busy summer,” she gathers the three cards and passes them to him. 

He just stares at them in her hand. Scanning one to get the gist.

“Gonna go?” 

“Probably should” she shrugs

There’s a brief pause and then her eyes meet his.

 “I’ll be out of town” he states. 

 “All three weekends?” She retorts. Shaking her head at the blatant lie.

He shrugs non committal.

“I don’t like weddings” 

“It’s different when it’s your own,” is the only argument she made, wholly agreeing on how the wedding industry is a bit too much sometimes. She can only imagine what his sense would be thrown into should he accompany her.

She half expected him to make a joke along the lines of ‘how would you know sweetheart got a husband I don’t know about?’

But he didn’t.

“Don’t understand the appeal.”

His words were laced in something she couldn’t place. Something a little unsettling.

“It’s what you do when you’re in love, Mason” 

He scoffs. 

“You don’t want to get married? Not even back when you were a human?”

“No, don’t think it was ever in the cards for me.” He takes out the lighter and fidgets with it. He rarely needs his vices when they’re together and she knows she’s teetering on a fine line.

“The whole marriage institution means nothing to a vampire. ‘Death do us part’. there’s no death in immortality”

She instinctively leaned back to look at him fully.

“So the idea of a forever is what? Something you’re not into?”

“I never said that.”

She’s looking at him critically.

“Those contracts aren’t meant to last for centuries. They’re for the government instead of the two people.”

“So you’d prefer a spiritual ceremony to civil marriage?”

“Trying to get me down an aisle, sweetheart?”

“Just trying to figure out where your heads at.”

“What id PREFER is to skip to the good part,” he winked. 

She rolled her eyes and smacked his arm. 

“I like the idea of an intimate ceremony. Nothing fancy, just close family and friends”

“Got your dress picked out too?” He chided playfully. 

When she didn’t respond and looked away when flush started to creep up her features, masons chest sunk. 

He didn’t know what to say. All he could think of didn’t surface. That quip slipped before he even knows it was happening. 

“Sweetheart...” 

She didn’t look over at the comforting pet name, embarrassed. 

He reached out for her to pull her closer and fold her into his chest. 

“I know, it’s stupid” she muttered. 

“No,” he kissed her hairline to make up for upsetting her. 

“does it really mean that much to you?” He asked

“I don’t know. Yes? Maybe...” she says

They sit like that, his arms wrapped around her and she chews on her lip thinking. 

“I think I’m just starting to realize a part of me wants a husband and a baby...”

“Seriously?”

The malice in his voice is oof

“Yeah” she says monotone.

His hands fall to just graze her. Pulling back while not actually letting her go.

“A kid? Really?”

Masons mind is on one track. Completely dumbfounded stumped and shocked. 

She shifts in the seat to face him, legs folded. “It’s just an idea!” 

“Forget it. It’s not happening” he was decisive. 

“What the fuck why not?”

“Are you forgetting I’m a vampire, sweetheart? I can’t have kids.” 

“But i can. Medicines come a long way in the last hundred years.”

“And what’re you gonna do, raise the kid for a couple years and abandon them like Rebecca did for you?” 

The words came out harsher than he meant them. He just didn’t know what else to say to illustrate the point he was trying to make. The human and supernatural worlds CANT coexist. That’s no place to raise a kid. 

“We can’t settle down in one place for too long before humans get suspicious. You won’t age and have to move around every few years”

Her face scrunched up “why won’t I age?”

And then the unintentional meaning hit her like a ton of bricks 

“Oh...”

Even though in the span of the last few minutes she’s lost out on a normal adulthood, her smile grew

he wants me to turn 🥺☺️

“Can that even happen?” She wonders out loud. The agency must have protocols against all this. And ofc Rebecca will be against it. And on one hand it will solve her inferiority amongst the team. 

His lips are pressed and eyes squinted as he thinks. He’s had the fleeting thought before but never so much as verbalized them. “I don’t know... your blood... we don’t know how it would react” he finally admits

We? She thinks to herself.

The agency had been batting around scenarios of what may happen if she was turned. She has vampire blood in her system. But could the mutation cause problems for a full immortal life? Mason is too selfish and hesitant to find out for sure. He’d gladly run to the ends of the dimension to find someone else with her blood type to do the experiment on.

“So... if I was normal you’d turn me” it wasn’t a question but a fact she hopes to be true. 

“There’s nothing normal about you, sweetheart” he reaches out to caress her cheek. He loves every flaw and infuriating thing about the stunning woman before him. Even if he hasn’t told her yet in those three words. 

He leans into his touch. Hazel eyes closing halfway to relish it fully.

She sighs and they’re in this moment for a bit.

She raises her eyebrows signaling for him to answer the damn question.

“I wouldn’t.” 

Her eyes snap open “what? Why?” Utterly confused.

“Has to be your decision. Make sure there aren’t any other human things you really want to do. Being turned before you’re ready.....” a flicker of torment passes his now sullen face. And she knows exactly why.

“So when I’m ready you’ll do it? You’ll spend forever with me?”

He chuckled. Fucking chuckled like this was a joke. She was ready to start fuming at then action.

She saw his silver eyes clear and unclouded. The pureness only something she’s witnessed a handful of times. 

Then he clarified,

“Felix could. It’d be the highlight of his existence.”

And without saying it she understood that a. Natural born vampire would have to turn her.

There was some unspoken tenderness flowing between then, transporting them in the apartment.

Lia climbed into his lap. Arms thrown over his shoulders and weight on her knees as not to fully press against him. At least not yet. 

His hands immediately cupped her ass. Then another slipped under the fabric of her shirt to rest on her lower back.

 “And THEN you’ll marry me?” She coaxed.

“Eternity’s a long time.” 

“You said yourself marriage licenses are only meant to last a few decades before they expire” she winked.

He brushed her hair back out of her face and cupped it. Her fingers twining in his long strands.

And Mason wanted to say it. He itched to say the words at this perfect moment.

But instead he pulled her into an intimate kiss.

“Kissing me won’t make me forget” she mumbles against his lips.

“I can try,” he matches her right back, playfully. “We have all the time in the world.”

-the end-

[macklives]

homestuck recap

i hated this so fucking much bc my 2 am bitch-ass didnt want to read a recap thats probably longer than any slowburn out there

anyways here it is

also, uhhH sorry im using this as a end of session discussion bc that shit gets explained in her as well. and im not writing up more recaps of a recap so this is where im done for the day. (by done for the day i mean last nights session, im still doing a liveblog soon. i just wrote this yesterday)

also that this is long

you dont have to read it, theres nothing of importance

ive been coping with humor to get me through it

neato.

have fun with what i suffered through:

why was “beta” the only thing unhighlighted?

like did i miss a page???

OH its the beta version of HS thats why

damn its like 5 pages and thats it

mmh

well youll all be happy to know im clicking every single one of these links again bc i like looking back like ahh i remember that. good times. also in case i forgot some shit existed.

do you think andrew had fun writing this? or was he like “fuck”

thats a lot of fucking package talk. good thing im not confused as of now and remember it pretty clearly. of else, this early on in the recap, id be screwed.

god remember when i did an analysis on each item and what it did

i feel as if i have the technology engrained inside my head right now

cruxite, alchemeter, all that jazz

flashbacks are starting up already

yeah, that was the good part in homestuck where i knew 100% that i probably would continue on this liveblog in its entirety, ngl

that one explosion scene. bc it kept me going.

OH W A IT SHIT

i just realized how the intermission spades probably fucking foreshadowed the whole jack revolts thing and gains the ring, which was also technically JOHNS fault considering he slashed up the doll in the first place

my god, i guess thats the only good aspect of the recap. looking back at things and realizing the missing pieces.

oh that makes sense for the whole “this prototyping had no effect on the enemies, since he was already in the medium” i didnt actually think about that

little did rose know where that would get her right now

oh yeah

there’s still the whole entire lab terminal thing and how mom basically knows the place exists. i guess we’re still venturing onto that and itll come up later when we find out how mom knows SO MUCH about the game.

still think shes some weird spy or secret agent

i kinda love her ngl

anyways, theres literally no reason for skaia to produce a cloning machine. so technically, they only sent the meteors in, right? so who put the cloning machine in if not mom?

oh yeah that impact was nerve wrecking asf

and still at this point in the comic i called dave fuckboy red

huh, how times change

i hated reading that whole paragraph ngl, the frustration just kicked me in the boobs again

yeah nobody else got tornadoes, huh?

OH that makes also much more sense

bc she did prototyped them before she entered the medium.

i gotcha

man one of my favorite edits i made, rose hitting that meteor with a bat

are you

telling me

the exiles structures they arrived on were in the form of the items the kids used to enter the medium?

THE EGG

THAT EXPLAINS “EGG”

of course it was 413 years ago. that was never explained. simply vague “many years in the future....” but i expected no less from this

man serenity is the most wholesome character in hs no doubt

damn thought andy here was really gonna spoil us jade’s planet

okay cool, im glad i now have the layout to the whole “their stations went to the coordinates of the home button” shindig

man i honestly dont know what else to say besides “yeah cool recap” when i already pretty much know what went down? ofc im looking into each link and shit and adding in things when i see fit, but otherwise its just me going “ah good times” yknow

the whole meteor thing kinda makes sense now?

we’re still missing a few pieces of info but we’re getting there, folks

oh yeah that reveal

god jade and dave have it in the shits for parents huh

bro isnt the best and jade has a fucking dog

who lowkey

is doing better than bro

who knew a fucking dog is a better guardian than bro lmfao

dreambot = terminator. im telling you.

sorry im still on that idea and it will never leave unless i have the actual proof in front of me that its not going to become a thing. meaning, ive finished hs and theres still no terminator dreambot or either andrew himself gives me a canon letter with “the robot is not arnold, mackenzie, pls just let it be”

why is the entire game session highlighted

i swear to god if this is like to a second recap or smth of the whole game session i may fucking CRY

okay thank god its just a design of the skaia layout

which is honestly cool

idk why its blurry tho but i can at least see the layout now. which is honestly how i pictured it anyways.

yeah, john did make a huge impact in his friends’ life and i find that so fucking touching

yep. got that. everything loops around. cool.

especially when the trolls come in. god we havent even gotten to that recap portion yet, we havent even gotten to the INTERMISSION

pls can this be the halfway point to the recap

AT LEAST

so they were exiled after the whole jack: ascend thing, right? considering theyre way in the future. man no fucking wonder.

speaking of jack

man that whole dad and jack interaction was gold, ngl

OH THAT EXPLAINS THE RING THEN

and wow, andrew’s really giving us the best female content huh. andrew is the true god of equality and diversity.

also hey, i didnt realize that wow. so PM tricked the queen in showing the parking ticket to be able to take the present from jack. she’s a smart cookie, that one..

she and PM basically snitched on jack and it was the best thing that has happened to me so far

oh yeah okay

but why did AR panic over bec? bc thats something we havent learned yet, right?

anyways

exile town, the only town which should exist. facts. i dont make the rules.

noice

i love PM being queen. like.. thats canon now. shes an actual queen.

yeah that was a fun game and the consorts were cute

fuck yeah the dick head

hate them even more now that i know john was killed because of them

anyways, i wonder what dick move dave’s denizen did? maybe thats why its filled with lava bc the denizen was like “fuck it. make the land red. kill them all”

UH WHAT

WHAT

OH MY GOD HOW DID I JUST FORGET NANNAS LETTER LIKE THAT LMFAO

THEIR TITLES WERE THERE THE WHOLE TIME!

so i still dont know what they mean but i can gather it has something to do with the game giving them abilities. considering dave is the “knight of time” and he can go back in time. whack.

which means john can either control someones breathing or simply wind. and rose is... like that one girl in the winx club who does the sun shit. bc whenever i think of light powers, i think of stella.

and jade is space. witch of space.

nice

i have no idea what that means ngl

okay finally

we’re at the trolls

maybe this recap will end soon

i remember when i thought they were internet bullies

yesss

someone asked if i basically knew the trolls were on a different veil than the kids, so not presently with them, and i know lol. i was making a joke before btw. jsyk. dont think im incompetent to forget these things when sometimes i choose to forget it so i can add in a joke

it be like that, i annoy many

then again, pls dont assume im trying to say im not incompetent bc im also a fucking dumbass and DO forget shit and i have no excuse

imagine being so bored on the meteor, your last resort is speaking to aliens

ngl me if i was ever trapped on a meteor and could potentially do that

nah ik its bc its their only hope at helping with their session or whatever tf CG said to john. but there was BOUND to be a conference meeting between them like “okay guys. humans. that needs to be sorted out” and you just hear CG screaming in the background

i cant wait to meet them honestly bc im growing on all 4 of the ones we’ve seen already. and on top of that, i know what they look like and i know theyre not THAT bad, just a little on the crayy zee side sometimes

but theyre trying

OH MY GOD

I GET IT

FUCK

DOES THAT MEAN THE INTERMISSION IS *APART* OF THE MAIN FUCKING STORY??

AND SPADES IS WV FOR THE TROLLS

GOD D A M N

wow

i didnt expect that. but maybe the signs were there and i was just willingly choosing to ignore it or smth bc “haha couldnt be, right”

flashbacks to how i thought the trolls were humans

anyways, i guess he got his revenge on the kids version of “snowman” ie the black queen. but really

he did not have to do that. he could have cut off the finger and fled. but he decided “nah, lets implode her” so the loml is dead and all i got was a catchy song

i knew they were different types of “bullies” but now i just have to replace bullies with uhh

trolling strategies

anyways, this is cute. i love how they’ve come to be friends through mutual frustration. good part in the comic.

i wonder why it explodes

more importantly

....

terminator time?

this was my favourite sequences of dialogues in the whole entirety of homestuck. that is to say the back and forth thing that the kids went through to become a sort of wingman for the other.

absolutely gold.

all except AT’s rap.

GC was the only smart one with the linear shit

anyways fuck he still has to kill the denizen now but apparently its hard to beat for a sleeping dick head so

that will be fun for the future

john will probably need to kill A LOT of imps to get there

yeah rose is a badass bc she slayed that thing with needles of all things

OH and the white queen was the cursive

damn did AR ever do the whole guide process to a kid yet? maybe he will with dave, idk

oHHH

i fucking SEE

thats why he said DNA

to use it and replace all the life forms in the ocean

fucking neat wow

man that sounded sarcastic but im genuinely impressed bc all i got was bullshit as i read jaspersprites log

so thats the secret. it was “meow” bc that somehow translates to the genetic code she needs then. and that code apparently took fucking years to write as well. sick. whack. oh man.

derse is very pretty, ngl

and wow shit

“dave had already been awake in his tower all along without realizing it” how tf does someone just

do that, awake in both places at once

i didnt even fucking realize that fact as i read that pesterlog wow

ah yes, around the time things got confusing

okay so the capsule makes sense bc at first i didnt know it was a fucking time capsule so i got confused as to how it just apparated the game lmfao

the more you know i guess *twinkle*

i find that a neat concept tho

like the whole whatever you prototype affects the imps and shit

yeah so that whole “he had no advice” basically impacted his future

no shit dave wanted to reset things bc he probably thought he caused some sort of bad butterfly effect and killed his best friend

fuck calsprite thats all im gonna say

i read that first sentence and i think i got an aneurysm

and then everything else just made me sad again

i mean good thing he fucking did amirite?

we got pain at first but now we got cool shit like idk

fucking DAVESPRITE

damn idk how that works

will rose have like two minds now? or will this be some steven universe fusion shit?

“and understood their meaning” course well i fucking didnt so could you pls elaborate, rose?

okay but then what the fuck did he use that was inside the fucking box

bc i thought he used his knife?

im only every going to refer him as that now, thank you andrew

alright okay..

god that was a lot

i dont know what will happen once i click on those links but i am going to see that for myself bc i refuse to add ANYTHING ELSE

[b00bconnoisseur]

any pets? if so, what’re their name(s)?

~~this response is hella super long just a warning~~

None unfortunately :/ I'll jus say we're not really in a great situation to have a pet andddd well if we were i doubt we'd have anything like a dog because my mom doesn't like animals much oof.

But! If i did id like p much ANYTHING tbh?? Like i was tellin @sadamericanorca earlier i wanted a hedgehog cause i saw a yt video of this guy giving his pet one a bath jxjxb cammy convinced me its not the best idea but i still love them ^^

We have had alot of dogs tho in the past! Uhhh we had a beagle named cristy,she was my moms dog, she died some years ago. She got really sick and wouldn't eat and then just died one day. My mom thinks our old neighbors poisoned her.

We also had another dog but i forgot his breed oof but his name was Lil john! We had him around the same time as cristy and he died too, ma thinks the neighbors poisoned him too (idk if i believe it tbh, they were old and were only outside so idk)

We had bruford and crystal (we named her kinda after cristy) and bruford was a Doberman pit and crystal was a black pitbull! She was my dog, i remember when we got her as a puppy and she was jus so sweet and aaaaaa i used to carry her everywhere (i didn't like leaving her outside home alone) in my moms old big white purse cause she was small enough to ride inside while i carried her around stores and in the car, she was my babie i loved herr. She had sooooooo many litters of puppies with bruford but they kept dying unfortunately, there was around 5-8 every liter. Tho out of em all i had a red pup named bella (cause i was obsessed with shake it up jdbs) and i had a black one with a skinned tail named skittles jxbdb. We also gave a couple away for free to some ppl cause They had worms and we jus didnt have money for a vet so we couldn't afford to raise them and didnt want them to die and the ppl were really happy tho! I got really sad cause one of em was my bella sadly but the lady sent us a couple update pics when they got a lil older and the lady had kids and they loved her. So i was happy that she got a good home ofc! Bruford died unfortunately around back in 2016, on new years eve. We had him for like 10 yrs, he was my dads dog and my dad was in jail (for reasons. Don't remember) during that time and so u can imagine how he felt that his dog died while he was gone and couldnt do anything. We buried him at our old house. Crystal fortunately didnt die (at least as far as ik) my parents couldnt take her having more puppies so my grandpa got her and was gonna release her in the country (terrible *sigh*) but i think he said before he did an elderly woman was askin abr her and i think she ended up getting her!

We also had 2 dogs named carter, the first i cant remember what happened to him but the 2nd was a black and white pup and we had him not long but one morning we woke up and my mom said my dad got up early and checked on carter and he was dead, stiff as a board and went to bury him cause he didnt want any of us to see him like that

There has been a couple times where my dad also got dogs from frens and brought em home as a surprise but my mom was like NOPE and made him give em back

We've had a p sad history with dogs ig :(

Oh oh oh! We also used to have fish as kids but my bro poured milk in the tank or smtn??? And the fish died. I did have some feeder fish and goldfish but they died after a while cause i had a fishbowl and didnt know it was too small and didnt know much abt what u needed to care for em so they died (and i cried ALOT) Tho i had 2 or 3 betta fishh and tho the first 1 or 2 died after a while the 3rd lasted over a year! He was a colorful rainbow boi named sherbert but i usally jus said fishy (origional ik lol)

Thats it! Srry this is so long aaaaaaa i didnt mean to explain p much every pet ive had >~< (besides my fireflies and stinkbugs but we wont get to that)

[oakmd]

Congratulations ! You received 1,000+ followers !

Continue? ▶YES ▷NO

 Well, I can’t really express anything but amazement at such an accomplishment, and to be honest I’m pretty blown away that so many of you have stuck with me since the beginning of this blog, and that so many of you enjoy Professor Oak enough to stay. I’ll forever stand by the fact that this blog was the best 'joke’ I ever made, and probably one of the most fulfilling things I’ve actively kept at. 

As much as I hope this blog has helped you find comfort and laughter, RPing Professor Oak has definitely changed me for the better, as well. It has given me an outlet to heal parts of myself and provide help to others, and also pushed me to practice positivity even when I know I get so low sometimes that I don’t even want to try. Another bonus is that I have met wonderful people here, most of you just strictly friends on the dash, but I’ve also gained relationships with people that have extended into discord and I’m sure it has made all the difference this past year and a half. 

As usual, I’m not really a fan of long-winded gushes of emotion, so I’ll keep it short, but I would really like to have it be known that my love for Professor Oak has grown tremendously, in ways I would have never reached without taking the time to thoughtfully craft his backstory and work to develop him further. I know he’s a very nostalgic character that so many of us know and respect that I’m always very careful of how I choose to build on the image without ruining what’s already there.  Out of all my many muses here, this one has seemingly ( and surprisingly ) all at once snuck its way as my primary blog; the blog I always look forward to logging into the most, where I enjoy following your activity whether it be IC or OOC, and just generally enjoy being in the presence of people so passionate about a fandom associated with my childhood. I love this little corner of a community that has welcomed me and engaged with me and unknowingly kept me going, and to look back at my experience and see that I’ve had no trouble at all makes me feel really lucky.

There will never be a way to fully and accurately express my thanks, but I will say it anyway: thank you so much, and I hope that no matter where you go, and no matter what you do, you are trying to be your best, and that you’re happy. Professor Oak will always be there to congratulate you when you reach your dreams.

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER ( because my mind is so scattered - ) special shout outs to special people: 

@timecapscle - wasn’t it you that said i’d one day get 1,000 followers? : ) you’ve literally supported me since the beginning and i just wanna say that i appreciate your enthusiasm for professor oak as much as i appreciate your enthusiasm for bill. its wonderful to see someone represent an otherwise under represented character and you do it well. i care for you so much, and wish nothing but good things for your future even if you want to do bad things in the name of science

@diligentseeker / @evolutionexpert  - someone i consider a cherished friend, despite how sporadic our interaction seems, i appreciate all our random long talks on discord, and i’ll never forget our very first conversation. it meant a lot to me, and i want to thank you. i dont meet a lot of ppl that i feel ‘get’ me on some unspoken level, so when it happens, its a nice surprise. anyway i won’t ramble because i take it you’re not one for praise, but im glad people like you exist. with that being said please stop making professor elm stress me out.

@undinaes - the moment you’ve been waiting for. SIKE! just kidding; its no surprise that you’re always filling my dash with testimonials from people that see you for what you are. you’re a beam of sunshine with all the qualities to match; warm, bright, and a natural source of energy that brings people together. your passion for writing is astounding and even when ppl dont deserve your kindness, you’re unbiased in giving it out. truly a mom through and through. but most importantly, ur my girlie and im glad we met :v

@ofpalletown - in my mind, you are practically ash, and ill be here to support you even during all your moments of Extra™ ... but aside from that you’re very loyal to your friends and full of something sunny that i can’t describe. ur gonna be okay, kid. so pls stop stressing out ur dear prof oak 

@03redd - i probably mentioned not long ago that your blog is really good, but ill say it again in case you weren’t listening. i love your blog? its very fun to follow, and i think you’re one of my favorite reds. even with me not being game verse, its so easy to just immerse myself in whatever nonsense you have red drag professor oak into. i dig your creative energy. 

@normaliium - and ofc i cant leave out my cousin. the one to be admired, the ever-successful, brilliant human being that loves me even when i take off ten years of your life each night. my life would lack such substance without you, and i will never forget all you’ve done to help me when i would otherwise be left to myself. you make me really proud to know you, you really do, and everyone i ever talk to you about can attest to that. #YOLO

@bossgiovanni - you haven’t been active in forever, but you remain one of my friends and that’s all that matters. from skype to discord, im glad we could stick together even with our blatant differences in opinion. you are always so nice to me and say the kindest things, and i just wanna say thanks. hope youve been doing well! you are capable of so much, and i believe in you, so don’t forget that. 

@agentmansley - can i jsut say thank you for staying true to your muse and throwing even the purest of characters into your mess? i have loved your blog long before i made professor oak, and you’re seriously one of the funnest people i’ve rp’d with here. everything i’ve written with you is refreshing and new, and never fails to make me laugh. thank you for your love for kent, and also for writing with me. i know you’ve been MIA for a while, but you’re definitely a memorable person. 

@tcssaiga - i dont have a lot of cross-fandom interactions so when they happen im usually pleased. you’ve got great characterization, and have perfect dialogue. i never watched a whole lot of inuyasha but i’ve atched enough to know that you’re pretty close to canon. thanks for the interactions even if you’re mean to prof oak on archer ; (

@askgarymfoak - MY LITTLE ACORN!!!! the dedication you have for gary honestly gives me so much life, and i love rping with you on discord and just yelling about sam / gary hcs. its always a highlight of my day and i can tell you’ve thought about gary and his life long and hard, and its so cool to see someone interested in all that makes him the Headache we all recognize and love. please never stop sharing with me the personal hcs you have for the boy, i always want to hear them. 

@futureheld - we don’t even rp with each other on this muse BUT youre one of my longest tumblr rp friends that i still talk to and you’re really important to me. we have history, we go back!!!! okay? #FRIENDSHIP n all that. but tbh id follow you on any muse because your writing is just great? id write any weird crossover with you because you have a talent for making it work seamlessly anyway. thanks 4 the memories, loser. 

@seviiserver - CELIO!!! we dont talk as much as we used to, or rather, we talk in bursts every now and then but i consider you one of my good friends! not only are u really talented in all things artistic, but i love your writing and it’s always enjoyable to read, even if its not one of our threads together. you made me have so much adoration for celio and like all the other ppl ive met who bring life to underrated / under-rp’d muses, i enjoy seeing everything you pour into him... AND ALSO I LOVE OUR OAK / ROWAN INTERACTIONS? i love them so much it hurts okay. even if its just silliness in discord it brightens my day. anyway perhaps one day we will cross paths in this sleepless city and i will finally teach u how to ride a bike.

@rottenrhythms - i know i dont have much to say or comment with whenever you message me on discord, but i admire how much detail you put into your characters and meta. im always impressed with all the work and thought you put into your world-building; i wish i had that much drive. also, you’ve made a lot of improvement with yourself from the time i first started talking to you on skype. be proud of your progress, and keep working at it, it’s worth it in the long run!

@lack--two NATE youre definitely a very sweet person, and perhaps a little more devious ooc than i’d imagined you would be ( at least to me, why must you poke me for reactions? ; ( u wound me ) but you’re a soothing presence to be around and im glad you were finally able to make discord work. bonus points for letting me yell about yugioh all the time. never stop being wonderful. im here for you whenever you might need a listening ear, okay? 

@loyalpika / @palletbloomer - #PRIKA!!! ever since i first followed you i remembered being blown away by your extensive headcanons on pikachu and i genuinely enjoy every blog you make! we dont talk OOC but from all your ooc posts you seem like a very caring older sister and thats nice to see; with you running around all the time, i hope you do get some rest every now and then! i hope our camaraderie never falters, take care friend! 

@thepkmnnurse - i cant forget all the love and support both you and your muse have for professor oak, and im happy you try to spread positivity on the dash whenever you can! we don’t talk much OOC but from what i can tell you’re just as kind and nurturing as nurse joy herself. i hope you’ve been taking it easy wherever you are, and i hope your days are bright!

@rebelracket - will there ever be a day that i dont enjoy seeing your delinquent muse causing havoc on the dash? your creativity is wonderful to witness and i enjoy clarissa so much, thank you for interacting with a pure ol’ muse like mine. i hope we can continue to keep writing together, im excited at where we might end up. p.s. your art is delightful.

@porttownprince - you’re a gentle presence on my dash but im glad that youre here and that you’ve stuck around despite all the bad things that followed you. i hope you can overcome all the trauma you’ve been through. thank you for being kind with me!

@nikkouki - i know i dont say much but i enjoy your random check ins with me on discord, and i think youre a sweet young girl. you’re gonna go far in life, just make sure you keep going! continue being a precious kiddo and don’t forget to study your japanese ; (

@viciousvainglory & @midoriyamight - i cant think of one without the other so accept this double-tag lol. you’ve both supported this blog since the beginning and i wont forget how welcome you made me feel! no matter what blogs you’re on im glad we can still be friends! you deserve the big toblerone! 

@fateandfury - my long time writing parter without knowing we were long time writing partners! the work you put into professor juniper is something to behold! we haven’t seemed to interact much despite rping professor muses, but that doesn’t mean i don’t appreciate your take on such a muse!

OTHER BLOGS TO BE ADMIRED ( also in no particular oder) : @sterlingsilverchampion @starmarkcd @pxgtails @satanstories @champofpallet @golden-oak @spriggaens @nurturen @florenselite @craniumaniac @ask-guzma @tenderpoison @gocatchem @faemoria @hikaup@writtenbykaichu @executiveariana @honoxtokage @simikami @bigcalavera @rotorotom @thehopcful @and-they-succeeded @metalprincess13 @keep-those-memories-away @hisvanity @attitxde @asmayflies @sesshcmaru @theagentlooker @ambcrly @kantocowboy @dauphindekalos @beareroftheblueorb @blastingxff @aquaelegance @bugeyesboutique @make-it-trouble  @thunderstonereject  @theagentlooker @soultattered @scvedbylove  @diluviumx @inevitabilis-sors @pokedouche @fightiniumz @firespun

I’M SO SORRY IF I MISSED PEOPLE, THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR SOMEONE SO SCATTER-BRAINED AND MEMORY-FOGGED AS ME. EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT INCLUDED AND EVEN IF WE’RE NOT MUTUALS, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT OF THIS BLOG. WITHOUT ANY OF YOU I WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN HERE.

BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A GIVEAWAY!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

[dreamerology]

my biggest i love monsta x ever!!!!

no offence but if u had told me a year ago that these seven boys would have had this much of an impact on my life and not only that but i still love them as much now as i did on day one (maybe even more) i’d say u were lying. usually my interests come and go in phases and nothing has ever lasted as long as mx???? but i rly truly cannot imagine my life without them at this point. in fact, the 2-3 months at the very beginning of uni where i stopped having time for them and thought i was moving on were the worst of this year (ofc that wasn’t the only reason those months were hard, but feeling like i was falling out of love w mx hurt more than id care to admit). they’ve brought me so much happiness and connected me with so many amazing people and not 2 be cheesy but made me into a better person! like they just continue to have the biggest positive influence in my life and i got the opportunity to meet one of my best friends bc of them, i’ll forever be thankful for them

i know i havent been w mx since the beginnign but!!!! even just seeing shownu grow so much this year has made me sooooo happie!!!!!! i Love how u can just see he’s more comfortable now and seems a lot more at ease……..the fact that hes comfortable enough to host his own solo vlives and no offence but theres not a single thing i dont love abt that man! hes so fucking funny….like its sorta weird humor?? dad humor almost? BUT HES HONESTLY FUNNY WITHOUT EVEN TRYING hes just reached a point where he’s got no filter and will just say whatever and sometimes even the wording will make me laugh dkjfhkjsd the true underrated comedian of the group tbh. hes so selfless too bicht………….i still cant believe he split the money from his solo event w the other members My Heart :-((((((( and when hes on a solo schedule he’s always mentioning the others!!! nd doesnt let anyone forget abt them, they rly are one big family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO HIS SMILE is the cutest shit ive ever seen!!!!! like when he smiles rlllly big nd his eyes crinkle nd he :D and his big “ha ha ha” ,,,,music 2 my ears!!!!!!!! i wish he could be that happy forever. hes the biggest softest teddy bear i just wanna give him a giant hug???

fun fact wonho was the first member i knew abt nd was able to recognize nd such!! my friend who helped me get into mx talked abt him a lot so i grew to love him before i even knew the others!!! actually hes probably still the one i know the most abt bc of her? anyways! angels exist and wonho is living proof of that! his love for mbbs is on a whole other plane of existance???? ive never felt this loved nd appreciated as a fan before nd its all genuine!!!!!. wonho is a monbebebebe first and a monsta second. hes just so full of love….im convinced thats why hes so Large he needs to fit his heart in his body somehow...hes just got so much love to give!!!!!!! he is the most thoughtful and caring person??? like not even towards monbebes and his memebrs but like at the end of mxray when he made sure to buy all the staff and crew little gifts as well, my heart grew 3 sizes for him!!!!!! and im so soo soooooooooooooosososooo proud of him to have some of his songs on the albums this year and not only that but! from zero getting a stage on tv!!!!!! his song!!!! he did that!!!!!! his hard work paid off….i hope he continues to be able to produce more music this year! oh one last thing, i love how? childish he is??? idk if thats the right word but hes always teasing or changing or playing around w the other members and hes always being goofy and laughing and it just makes my heart!!!!! rly happy nd warm

what is there left 2 be said abt minhyuk that i havent already said yet jdfshkjdhf i just! Love Everything abt that boy :-((((((( i love his sunshiney positive personality that never fails to cheer me up, i love how caring he is and how he always makes sure to be there for his members and makes himself open for them, i love his uneven blink, i love how soft his voice is and how it sounds exactly how sunshine looks, i love his fingers go sorta crooked when he makes a peace sign, i love his laugh and how silly he is, i love his thoughtful and serious side, i love how smart he is, i love his toothy smile, i love when hes on stage and he looks so radiant and glowing and u can see how happy he is and how he was truly built to shine, i love his ears, i love how affectionate and loving he is, i love his one (1) dimple, i love how sometimes he just says the weirdest shit…...like i rly wanna understand what hes thinking sometimes, i love how cute he looks wearing hats or how soft he looks in giant sweaters, i love him sooooooo much my heart hurts

can u believe i didn’t used to love kihyun this much? past me was a whole fool! i’ll try to keep this one sorta short too since i’ve already written a love essay for him but! once again i rly do love him w my whole heart!!!!!! absolutely Everything he does is so endearing and i loooove how he cares so much….he rly went and made us our own season's greeting for free nd his photography is rly No Joke! hes so talented nd u can rly see how passionate he is abt it!!!!! it makes me so so happy seeing him talk abt it, like he just lights up its the best thing ive ever seen. i Love his smile!!!! when his face scrunches up and u can see the little dimples on his cheeks and see all his teeth and he laughs and throws his head back or hits whoever’s closest to him or just collapses thats Good Shit!!!!!!!! im so glad he’s happy enough to be able to smile like that!!!!!!! it makes my heart tingle thinking abt him being happy. he rly is the cutest, i love him nd all his beauty marks :D !! nd no offense but hes never had a bad hair colour/style nd thats the tea on that!

chae hyungwon 2018’s lord nd saviour????????? anyways its about Damn Time i write him a love essay :-((((( having both best friends being hyungwon biased ive secretly been converted 2 a whole chaebebe….their love rubbed off on me!!! i love it :D idk where to start...gosh hes seriously so hardworking????? im soooooo so soo so proud of him!!! icb he picked up djing as a hobby nd then made it to a big festival, is on mix and the city and has released not one but two (2) songs only months later!!!!!!!!! we love a talented man!!!!!!! nd his dancing bichksjdfhsdj hes so fluid nd smooth when he dances…...i always find myself watching him first in group practices like there something rly captivating abt him?? please let him show us more of his dancing its So Good. also hes got the nicest voice…...its so deep wtf...but like its So Calming 2 listen to? especially when hes sleepy nd its extra raspy? Good Shit! and when he sings!!!!!!!! bicshjkdfhksdhj hes got one of my fave vocal voices i rly wish he got the lines he deserves :((( hes! So! Cute! jfhsdjfhs he gets embarrassed so easily and always makes the goofiest faces but i love it….he covers his smile sometimes too :-((( i wish he wouldnt its So Bright nd cute nd warm just like he is!!!! hyungwon’s smile is the 8th wonder of the world thats just the facts folks!

mister jooheon……….the true example of the duality of man. i dont understand how he can go from his scaredy cat self to and Actual God,,,blows my mind. i’m pretty sure i’ve said this at least a hundred times but his stage presence is truly Unreal……..its on a whole other level…….ive never seen them live but if i ever do i fear for my life. nd i know once it’s over im only gonna know one (1) man and that man is lee jooheon. but at the same time hes rly The Cutest id trust him w my life???? his eyes are so warm!!!!!! And his Big Smile!!!!!!!!!!! his dimples? deeper than the marianas trench, i wanna build my home in them nd raise my family there. hes such a talented dude!!!! mx don’t have a single bad song thenks jooheon! also for the first couple months i’d alway forget he was one of the youngest? like hes very mature too nd seems very responsible djfhkjsdhfjsd idk how he was the only one 2 be able to keep it together during their first win 2 give the speech…..hes so strong. i love him so much :-( hes so cute nd gentle nd thoughtful...truly the biggest angel who deserves the world!!!!!!!!!!

i think if there's any member i would actually get along best w it would b changkyun. we’re both rly similar from what i can tell...like sorta quiet, but loud around those we’re comfortable with!!! first off hes so funny nd…..weird but like in a good way sdjfhksdjhf sometimes i rly just think he says the first thing that comes to his mind “actually we have a baby” ????? who let him \…..he always makes me laugh reading his fansign notes too omg that being said hes also one of the most serious members at times i feel like. hes just got this rly mature vibe nd he handles things rly well??? idk if that makes sense but Yeah. he’s just someone who’s not rly afraid 2 be themselves, i wish that were me??? ive got so much to learn from them. also icb he literally invented being cute???? he doesn't even have 2 try hes just adorable!!!!!! like his laugh nd smile? The Best!!!!! and when u can see his lil dimples yeahhhhh hes sooo super sweet and cheesy. i looooove how close hes gotten w the other members despite their rough start, they rly are a family nd im glad hes comfortable around them it rly warms my heart!!!!! whenever hes getting showered in love my heart !!!!!!! its what he deserves!

on that note, the one thing i think that has stayed with me more than anything is that one fansign note where ck was asked how he wants to be remembered in the future, when they only occasionally thought abt him and his answer was “that i gave you happiness” and not 2 b a sentimental shit but fuck! i cry every time i think abt that!!!!!!! bc i Know there’s gonna come a day where i don’t think abt them at all! there’s gonna be a day where i won’t think abt them until i see something that jogs my memory and jolts me back to this time and even tho this year has been rough i know i always will remember how much happiness they’ve brought me. i’ll remember how they were able to cheer me up when nothing else worked. i hope one day i’ll be able to feel the Pure Joy i felt when they got their first win….i’ve never felt anything like that before. i cant wait to be able to look back in nostalgia at all the happiness they’ve brought me.

anyways that got real sappy towards the end i gotta blast now bye!

[towtiems-blog]

Do podcasts provide the free speach platform we desire?

So, I am just this moment listening to the WTF with Marc Maron, podcast when he did an interview with frm. US President Barack Obama. And to be completely honest with you, I am hearing some stuff, I have never heard before. Here is a brief journal of what I heard and what I think about them.

Incident 1.Obama refers to the gun problem in the US and he seems that he has some pretty logical conclusions made. He says that the NRA’s grip in the congress is very strong, that he doesn’t see any change happening regarding gun control during his presidency, and finally flat out saying it that until the American people themselves don’t try to do something about it, nothing’s going to happen. Bare in mind that gun control has been a major problem for the US, mainly because of the amount of mass shooting they have. People aer dying left and right. And do not forget the famous bank heist that happened in LA, with them people shooting it out with cops for over an hour. Maybe more, cant recall. Gun industry, is an industry that makes trillions. With some leverage, they can control certain situations to influence things for their benefit. I would do something like that. You would as well. What is wrong trying to defend what you have, and get what you can more. So, it makes sense to want a nation as rich as the US to buy as many guns as possible. More sales, more profit. To do that, the gun industry uses tactics such as the 2nd ammendmend, ie personal protection. They appoint people in key positions within the greater government, nt directly in the Obama administration, because they are smart. They know that Obama administration will change at some point and they will lose their players. So, they target, administration position in various commitees, such as the climate change comitee, the gun control comitee, thw whatever the fuck comite. Who cares, the goal is the same. Buy more stuff, they make, so they can make more money. Same happens with oil, climate change, guns, the list goes on.

 Incident 2. The black helicopters. This is an issue that has been involved in US conspiracy theories since the 70’s. And he goes on to say: “.. we operate those. But only to get Bin Laden..” , and such cases ofc.

He even touches the subject of lobbying and watching FOX News.

Now you have to understand that I am not US national, therefore the whole situation in the US at the moment seems so much interesting to me. I am a bystander and yet from a sociological, anthropological point of view, what is happening the US the past 100 years is astoundingly interesting.

We have seem the state moving to multiple wars. In fact, it seems to be the most blood-thirsty nation since the German of the WW2. And I get it, they need it. War makes money, nobody can deny that. And the US demands money. It has built a well oiled, efficient machine and they need to somehow support it. What is a better way than to conquer more land?

Now conquering is not like the old days, where you could go with a bunch of guys and pitchforks and lamps and take what you will and then divide it by a bunch of guys, and call it yours. Nowadays, you have to do indirectly. See, plundering is a direct approach, what the US is doing is an indirect approach. In order to avoid direct conflict with other countries that would like to do the same and will find leverage in the US’s actions and call their conquest a: “Mission to save country X from the clutches of US occupation.”

Don’t you see? This is how the world works now. It’s a was but disguised into something else, that don’t provokes. That of course come with a price. In order for this approach to work, maybe the most important ingredient of this approach is the acceptance from the general public. With having being elected, it’s easy for them to say: ”Look, you elected me, I am trying the best for you because YOU believed that I will do it.”

For that key ingredient to work, therefore, they need the public. And the way to win the public is from means such as: gun control, financial system, the famous health care system of US, even the law system is in it, and law is one of the three fundamental powers. The other two being the police(enforcing power), and the congress(voting power). Keep in mind however for the last power, congress may be substituted by, senate ie. Germany, UK.

So, we got an Obama that accepts, nothing will change and big corporations control the whole issue and I cannot do anything about it.

Water boarding was real, torturing was real. BUT, we stopped. Work for word that what he says.

Black helicopters. He says the US is operating in cases similar to Bin Laden, not for US citizen. Keep in mind the black helicopters have been a part of the conspiracy theories that surround the US political scene since the 70’s. Can you imagine? In a garage, out of nowhere, the most intimate of conversations happened. We see one of the biggest political figured of the 21th century, the first black US president, speaking loosely and without the typical censorship about subject that are subculture, borderline cult.

We all know the conspiracy theories, they helped us get by college, by keeping our minds busy. We believe that jet fuel doesn’t melt steel, ie. The US did 9/11. We also believe on chem trails, black helicopters, the bigfoot and most importantly of all, in UFO’s. Don’t you guys understand what that means? That means that the government knows about all that, they follow what we say on forums, what is going on in the internet. They see that we are looking for aliens. Whose to say that they don’t control it as well? We’ve already said that the government is trying to control the public opinion, see above), doesn’t it seem logical that they would employ all means necessary to keep us from thinking that the government is using black helicopters on us, to stay us from an opinion like that, so in the long term the government can achieve its initial goal, which is stated above.

Then again, I am no one, and I may be wrong, and I may be rumbling.

And oh my fucking god, there are so many interesting topics on that interview. Listen I have to say it again at this point because this is getting out of hand. I am not a US citizen, I have no political affiliation with any party and/or direction, I make no profit out this, I am just an observant. I just find it very interesting, the direction history is taking, history repeats itself and what is going on is living proof of it. My interest is jut that, I am witnessing change and I am writing about it. Nothing more.

Continuing, about climate change: “..if I didn’t have the chairman of the energy and environment comity in the center, holding up a snowball, as if that was proof, that climate change wasn’t happening..”. What a quote. We have a president be assigned to chair over the most important comity for this issue, climate change, trying to convince people to keep doing something that scientists say will kill us. Why? Isn’t it obvious? To keep using oil of course, a field severely dominated by 4-5 companies. Companies that have grown so much and so relentlessly that they are able to appoint someone which is under their hand, a chairman in the most important position on the matter. What 2000 years ago would happen, would be to plant a spy on the opposite camp. Is it not the same? It is exactly the same. But as again stated above, concealed in a way which is more acceptable from the general public. All again done, in the same spirit. To serve the interests of the state, to expand their land, sort to say.

He goes on. In conclusion, we see a relaxed president, feeling comfortable and speaking truths. Not directly, although he does sometimes, but pretty difficult to miss the point.

[fluffyblue-multifandommess]

So... After a few times of going ‘hey that’s me!’ every time there was a post on my dash about what it's like to have adhd, I finally talked to my psychiatrist about it. Like. I went back through all adhd related posts on my blog and wrote down all the things I identified with. And I explained to my psychiatrist, 'hey look, people on tumblr are always talking about their disabilities and / or mental health issues etc and the adhd posts got me thinking so I wanted your opinion' and I proceeded to read off my little list, and trying to give concrete examples wherever I could think of one. And when I was done, she started one of her usual 'let me just talk at you for like 10 minutes without giving you a chance to tell me if / when I've drawn the wrong conclustion' speeches. And, it took me a while to notice, but her speech was about medication, and from the way she talked about 'we only diagnose adhd when there are no other factors in the environment to change' and 'the medication is a very strong drug that we want to avoid using on people who don't have it' and 'people, in the us especially, have been using their kids' meds to get a boost and getting addicted to them'.... This bitch straight up thought I'd made up some list about adhd symptoms to get on the fucking meds. Straight up. And so like when she was done with her bullshit rant, I reacted all meek-like cuz I'm bad with confrontation, like 'uuh I dont really care about the meds tho like I just wanted to know whats going on with me because it helps me when I can name exactly why I do a Thing' and we spent the rest of the hour talking about how with the social anxiety, like, yeah Im scared of the stigma around disabilities and shit but also I'd like to have a simple word to give people to explain shit?? (like if I loose track of what someone is saying in the middle of a convo, I wanna be able to reassure them that it's not that I dont care about what they have to say, but just my focus is whack and I cant help it (but also im still sorry ofc), yknow?) But anyways she said something vague about how my symptoms could be chalked up to my other issues (anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, insomnia, depression).... which.... uhm. Okay yeah I loose track of what my best friend is telling me about her favourite hobby because of those. And I have trouble going from one task to the next because of those. Sure. yeah. I totally buy that without you giving me any details on how that works when there is a much simpler explanation.

So yeah basically she dismissed my entire thing because she initially assumed I just wanted the drugs, and then I guess she just couldn't be bothered to take it seriously??? Listen I understand that as a psychiatrist you gotta be wary of patients trying to get on meds they dont need and shit. but like??? fuck you.

So anyways part of  me still thinks I probably have adhd while the other part is going "nooo listen this Health Professional says all your symptoms can be chalked up to the other stuff so Cleary you're just imagining it or trying to find more things wrong with you than there already are hmmm maybe you just want the extra attention yes that must be it you piece of sh-" ANyways yeah this is Not Fun and I really dont know what to do next.

I was supposed to see her last Friday (the incident above was a few weeks ago), but my sleep schedule last week was so out of whack I was constantly confused about the day of the week and totally forgot. Im seeing her again in early August, but with a couple other health care professionals for an organizational thing so I won't be able to bring this up then, and then she's going on maternity leave for a few months.

I really really don't know what to do next. I wanna get a different psychiatrist but my psychiatrists have been changing like the teachers for the DADA class, like, I've had like 4 or 5 different ones over the past two years and I'm tired of having to explain everything over from scratch each time and having to adjust to the other person's particular way of doing things each time, but also I just... don't really wanna talk to my current one anymore? I mean it's not just this, her aforementioned uninterruptable speeches have been getting to me for a while (she talks just long enough that I loose sight of where exactly she went wrong and find myself unable to contradict her with anything other than 'uuuh that... doesn't... soung right???' which don't seem to do much)

Anyways tl;dr I'm Tired.