#i rly needed to hear things like that today. i wonder if they noticed

[lizzibennet]

my friend: you know, i really like being around you when i’m sad

my brain: she’s going to say she wants to be around you when she’s sad because you’re also sad (and that’s all ur ever gonna be btw) and she wants to commiserate because that’s what people think about you, that you’re annoying and dramatic and always sad about something

me inside my head: good morning to you too brain

me: oh?

friend: yeah, because being around you is like an instant pick me up. i don’t think it’s possible to be in a bad mood around you

friend 2: yeah! whenever i get here i may be tired or down but when i see you waving and going “hiiii!!” i instantly just want to smile, it’s so cute

friend: you know, that’s why professors like to call you to participate in class. you always liven up the mood. wait are you crying

me, crying: no

[dwindlinghaze]

Hello! Soo I was wondering if I could request a RemusxReader oneshot/blurb with this scenario. Hear me out:

Reader openly talking to the girls about her crush on Remus she as had for years and just being so casual talking about how much she likes him and thinks he's amazing and hot, and how much she loves him (practically me simping for Rem) and she isn't embarrassed cuz she's known Lily and Marlene for years and they're used to talk like that and tease each other kindly (they usually do it to Lily). But they don't know that Remus and the boys are "accidentally" listening to their conversation.

Lmk what you think! Thankyou ly, byebye <3

moon river

(remus lupin x reader)

contents : fluff, the marauders being nosy af and eavesdropping, bad writing and not proofread :(

a/n : hello anon!!! ty so so much for the request and im so so sorry for taking so long in writing it. but hey i am here and im at your service ;) i rly hope u like this and it fulfilled what you asked for ☁️☁️

　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

"[y/n] are you free tonight? or does loverboy has to take you away before midnight?" marlene said, linking your arms together as you two walked inside the common room.

"yes... why?"

"charms."

"charms?"

"assignment."

"oh-"

"yes."

"charms assignment that you need me to help you with?"

"obviously,"

"ah fine," you eyes slowly averted to the smile of none other that remus lupin. your mind goes fuzzy all of a sudden. he was joking and laughing with james in front of the fireplace. "he looks so happy today," you whispered to yourself, smiling.

"aww, you care about his happiness! just make out already," marlene said, wiggling her thick brows.

"that's one step beyond. not ethical," you shook your head in a mocking manner. "where's lily by the way? is she up here already?"

marlene shrugged as she opened the door to the dormitory, letting the warm air hit both of their faces.

later that night, you were helping marlene out on the charms essay and let's just say... it wasn't going as planned.

"marl, it's not how it is. you have to read the whole thing first then make your own summary about it so professor flitwick won't accuse you of plagiarism."

"but there's too many! why isn't there a charms to shorten paragraphs," she whined like a child on the sidewalk when their moms didn't get ice cream.

"liliana, help me over here. marl doesn't want to read,"

"i doing my eye mask, can't stand up," she reasoned stupidly.

"eye masks stick to your under eyes. yes you can stand up without them falling off. i wish remus was here, he can probably summarise four pages in just two minutes, he's incredibly smart," you closed your little tired eyes.

"if remus was here, he wont be teaching me anything, he would be too busy with you," marlene scoffed, although she is teasing.

"that's right," lily agreed. "remember this morning when [y/n] dropped mashed potatoes on his head? he didn't even blame her! he was blushing."

"also in dada, didn't you see remus was basically mumbling a mantra to be partnered up with [y/n], that's so sweet," marlene continued in a teasing voice, her charms assignment completely tossed of to the side.

you think to yourself, a conversation about remus late at night is way more interesting than charms. so you didn't budge. "aw yea he did, i saw," you cheeks turned crimson as you smile.

"isn't he just so... beautiful? i never look at anyone- except for my barbie dolls when i was five- this way. he is just right in every way."

"mhmmm keep going my love," marlene replied, after noticing a slight crack in the door with the marauders behind it. they were appalled when marlene saw them but marlene stays quiet, sending a wink their way.

at first, they were up here because james wanted to return lily's hair clip in which the boy slyly stole during class for this moment. but the others insisted to go up to see her reaction for some reason.

remus wouldn't complain though. he got to hear what the girl he loves for so much has to say bout him when he's not around.

your back was facing the door with your legs crossed over your chest and you hugging them. "his face may be pretty, but i think his heart is way prettier. for god's sake he holds my hand when i was anxious for that history presentation! he knows my needs so well."

"yes, that's so kind of him," lily urged for you to continue so she can tease you about it the next morning in front of remus lupin.

"and the best part is, remus respects women! he treats me like how i treat the girls and women around me. that's the hottest thing a guy could ever do," you dazed out, burying your face in between your kneecaps.

"ugh we love a respectful king, don't we girls!" marlene said purposely loud so remus can hear the conversation wide and clear from the door. his eyes were basically making heart eyes at the back of your head, his smile is like he had just won a contest and to hide that would be so dishonest.

"i told you to get her on a date sooner, she is the one!" sirius nudged remus rather harshly, but he was too focused on you.

"but what i don't like about him is the fact that he thinks he's not worthy of anything. he is. he deserves the biggest apology and happiness there ever was. he is like a moon river. i would roll my ship at night just to see the sparkles that he got. my huckleberry friend."

"isn't that enough to confirm that [y/n] loves you back, remus?" marlene shouted, her vision straight to the door.

your eyes widened in panic as your blood rushed into your cheeks. was remus hearing all of this? oh no freaking way- he can't be!

the door swung open, revealing the marauders who were standing with their jaws on the floor.

"i'm going out," lily spoke up, slipping out the door with james running after her like a lost puppy.

"you better do something," marlene winked at remus as she pushed him inside the room. remus nodded numbly, processing on what just happened. marlene was already dragging sirius down to give their friends privacy.

"hey, can i come in?"

"gosh i'm so sorry you heard all of that! you don't understand how embarrassing it is for me right now. i wish to disappear!" you scrunched your face, mortified by what his reactions may be.

"listen, uh, what you said were- it really makes me happy that you think of me that way because... so do i! i've been scared to say anything because i just- wasn't sure if you like me that way or not..."

"well, you heard it... what am i going to do now," you whispered the last part under your breath.

lucky for remus, he's got super hearing powers due to his lycanthropy so he heard that as clear as the sky is blue. "we can do what girlfriend and boyfriend do," remus answered shyly, playing with the end of your blanket that dropped from your bed.

"excuse me ma'am, you haven't asked me for dinner yet and now we're girlfriend and boyfriend?" you said in a joking manner to ease the tension out.

"okay let's do baby steps. come here, m'love, want to hold my girl," he opened his arms with his eyes closed. does he even know how cute he is right now?

[lesbianrobin]

Would you be willing to share any tropes or pet peeves you have with the fandoms intepretation of HOH! Steve? No pressure at all but I know it’s gaining popularity and that fandoms historically have a shit record with disability and you’ve spoken about your frustrations with that tag. Also thank you for sharing the link to the movie!! I’ve been wanting to watch more historical films especially ones that push back against assumptions of what the past was capable of!

omg YES thank you for asking!!! so to preface for anybody who doesn't know: i myself am hard of hearing and i used to post about steve being hard of hearing sometimes prior to s4, but i haven't posted about it much since it became a Thing in the fandom because i don't trust other people on my posts lmao.

so honestly this is gonna be less about specific tropes and more of a broad ideological discussion bc i don't usually read the hoh steve fics i scroll past and i don't want to act like i Know exactly what all of them are like based off just the few i have read. however, i Have seen the tags and summaries and read the first few paragraphs of a lot of them, and i feel like that's enough for me to have like. an opinion. so ANYWAY.

my first issue is just that pretty much everyone i've seen writing hoh steve is hearing themselves. there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but the thing is that hoh steve is like. entirely a creation of fandom, yknow? there's not rly anything in canon that indicates steve has poor hearing--honestly, if anything, he seems to have rather keen ears (picking up on the background music in the russian code in s3, being the first one to hear dustin in the upside down in s4). you can certainly reverse-engineer it and argue that poor school performance can be an indicator of poor hearing, that his head injuries could potentially cause hearing loss, but neither of those are things where hearing loss naturally comes to mind without somebody looking for it, so this begs the question of why. what exactly is motivating these hearing people to write this character as hoh?

i've noticed some things that tend to go along with hoh steve. one is steddie, which is kind of a given in the st fandom at this point, but it's the things that go along with that which concern me. the "babygirl steve" thing where steve is woobified and feminized to the point of being nigh-unrecognizable seems quite common among these fics. steve often has other medical problems as well--he needs glasses, he gets migraines, he has memory loss, he's depressed, he's got chronic pain, etc, etc, and my disability is just another thing on a laundry list of issues that is seemingly employed for the sole purpose of making steve sad and hurt and pitiable so that (usually) eddie can come along and save him/baby him. i'm not gonna act like i've never tossed some shit at steve to make him suffer in a fic, but it's always for like. a Reason. and that reason has never once been just so i could ship him with somebody and make them into his savior.

i think a lot of people writing hoh steve just don't necessarily have great intentions with it, yknow? they see it as a way for steve to suffer nobly in silence and be self-sacrificial, or they think it's cute to make steve deaf since eddie plays loud music (???).

there are a lot of things i love about being hard of hearing. i love that i get to have a unique appreciation of sound that not everybody has. i love that i can take out my hearing aids when the world is too much. i love that i still discover new sounds at the age of twenty-two. did you guys know that dishwashers make noise? i didn't until today! my house was quiet and i kept hearing something strange until i tracked it down and realized! i love that i have a sense of wonder about every noise i hear! and while i don't begrudge anybody their enjoyment of hoh steve content, i have yet to see any that comes remotely close to capturing these feelings, so it's just not for me.

also this is a silly pet peeve but why is it that in these fics steve almost always learns asl and like rarely has hearing aids? like sorry but unless he's completely deaf that's out of character. steve harrington is not learning a whole new language unless he absolutely has to and has literally no other options. they had hearing aids in the eighties. c'mon people.

anyway. sorry that was so long lmao and thank you for asking!! also thank you for actually reading and caring about my within our gates post!! i highly recommend looking up some 1920s music to listen along with the film, though you can honestly listen to whatever you want--at the time, films didn't typically have dedicated scores, and individual theaters would provide their own musical accompaniment however they saw fit. oftentimes this meant a live musician would play piano during the film, and improvise to suit the mood/plot! happy viewing 💕

[b0ard1ngsch00l]

(boss crush anon) thanks :D i'll start with context, im 28 and hes 48..funnily enough i had a dream recently where i was back in high school and he was my teacher LOL, thought that was relevant. ive had this crush for a few months now and have been writing about every little interaction i have with him. one of your posts that rly spoke to me was "i want to mean something to him", bc girl no joke ive written that exact sentiment about him before. every time i talk to him feels special, i get a legit high thinking about seeing him every day. hes so painfully handsome and nice to me, sometimes when he sees me his whole face just lights up and he gives me this HUGE smile. hes also the only person i work with who calls me by a shortened version of my name <3 one of my other coworkers even noticed that he did that and i was like 0///0 yeah he has a nickname for me so what?

there was an after-work happy hour that i went to once, i brought a friend and asked her to watch how he acted around me bc he can be hard for me to read sometimes, i cant see his behavior objectively when i have so much wishful thinking going on lol. she told me later that when we walked in, he made a beeline straight for me right away, and seemed sorta shy when talking to me. she asked how i was doing at my job (i was new at the time) and he said something like "shes awesome! every day that shes here is a great day!" and my face mustve been beet red..he kept showing up in our conversations with other people and standing near me, something ive noticed he does a lot in group situations. just recently, we had an premiere with lots of people and since i was on the clock i was standing by myself in the back of the room, watching in case someone needed anything. fr he comes over and stands RIGHT next to me. there was no one else around that area, he chose to stand right beside me while we watched the premiere.

he was out of the office for a whole week once (work related reasons) and i angsted so hard..not seeing him on weekends is bad enough but this was like 10 days and i was going feral. we followed each other on instagram after that happy hour and during that week he was gone he randomly liked one of my posts late at night. i have to wonder if he was missing me too..the next day he came by my work area to ask "whats new?", like he just wanted to catch up after being away which i thought was sweet. yesterday he was teasing me about hiding some of our work halloween decorations in my car to scare me (cute lol), today he was showing me how to tape a package with a confusing tape dispenser and our hands brushed multiple times while handing the tape back and forth, and god only knows whatll happen tomorrow!!

hes so wonderful and i rly want to know more about him, i want to be around him constantly and any time i get with him is instant dopamine. hes intoxicating and i feel selfish wishing he'd break a million rules for me (boss/employee relations, 20 year age gap, and yeah you guessed it hes also married) but i just cant help myself......im not planning on making a move bc i love my job too much to risk getting fired for that, but if HE did you know id reciprocate in an instant. but im glad to just know him even if things remain the same as they are forever, as much as i wish theyd escalate. THANK YOU for letting me get this all out of my system, theres even more i could say but this is long enough lol. have an amazing day, G <333333333

This was very enjoyable to read thank you! The way you both are seems sooo cute! I’m so glad you can relate to me <33 I so get you, and everything you’re feeling yk. It’s hard being obsessed with middle aged men who deep down you know you can’t have😭 but also there’s no other feeling like it and it’s kinda the best! Any time you need to rant about him I’d love to hear!💕

[cheswirls]

(this got long fair warning)

every so often i'll get the urge to do something and have to mentally ask myself 'but do you actually care?'

and it used to be a reflexive response bc i decided when i graduated hs that i was gonna stop worrying so much abt what other ppl thought abt me and this helped me greatly at the time to be more confident etc etc and i developed the habit bc i would ask abt smth or worry abt doing smth purely based on other ppl's opinion adn not actually. what i wanted. so i'd backtrack and be like 'actually i asked but i rly don't care so don't answer that' or i'd think, like, 'it doesn't matter what other ppl think, just wear what you want if you'll be comfortable in it' and i think that's a great skill i've developed

but in the past year or so i've also realized that it's okay to wonder abt other ppl's perceptions and to act based on such. i do clinical rotations for my major and it's frequent to hear girls apologize for not shaving their legs or whatnot and my reflexive response is always 'hey who cares abt that' which is true like. i do think it's smth they need to let go of but also i've realized it's kinda insensitive of me to assume everyone else has the capacity to be so lackadaisical and not stress abt what others think of them. even if it's with good intentions.

and then in realizing that, i started thinking that it's okay for myself to care abt other's opinions. like yea at certain points it's been fine - if i'm getting dressed to go do laundry at the laundromat down the street then i don't need to stress abt wearing oversized sweats and such as long as i can get around in them okay. like as someone with such bad social anxiety at certain points it rly is me over-stressing the little things nd i do need the reminder to calm down.

but also. it is normal and human to want others to have a good perception of you. if the situation calls for it, then i do need to dress more professionally and behave a certain way and such. even if i don't particularly care abt how much of an outcast i am, there are still societal obligations and things i need to think abt. that's also normal.

and in realizing all of this and having my thoughts gradually change on the matter, in having me accept that it's not as normal as i'd like for the average person to shrug off their cares and worries when it comes to how others see them, then i do feel like i've had more empathy abt the matter too. but that's. anyway,

the point is that lately when i'm hesitating abt a decision and i ask myself 'do you actually care abt that?' then it's been less of a reminder to myself to not worry as much and more of a direct question for me to figure out in order to make a decision - does it really matter to me, or am i inflating an issue that no one will notice? does it matter to me or someone else? and even outside of all that, it's a simple yes or no: does it really matter or does it not? if it really matters that i can't wear this or that bc i'll worry abt how others will see me, then that's fine and i need to accept that and move on. it's okay for me to not be 100% confident and shrug everything off. i'm learning to see that now and it's been good for me. i've never been good at dealing with people but i have been becoming more self-aware abt the subject.

instead of asking 'do i really care' to justify something, i'm asking to figure out if it's important to me, and if it is, then i should just do it. because it's not completely abt not doing smth, there's a lot of it that's been wanting smth out of curiosity and then having to backtrack and see if it actually matters. like, not that i'm being nosy, but in the same line of asking if i care like i'm checking to see if i'll care abt an outside opinion, this is like, me asking to see if i actually want to know smth or of i've engaged with the matter on reflex. earlier today i thought back on a group chat for work that wanted each of us to like a message to make sure we read it and since i was the first to see and respond, i was a little curious the next day (today) if everyone liked the same message or liked the one that directly asked for a response. which, like. that's the anxiety talking to make sure i did something correctly, and in the grand scheme of things it rly doesn't matter. a year ago i would've waffled on checking back to see which message got responded to by everyone and then asked myself if i actually cared and decided i didn't and left it at that.

that's not a bad thing, but in adding nuance to that self-imposed question (so that it's not a way to shut myself down and instead to decide how important smth is) it's allowed me to parse thru things easier. i'm losing my train of thought. but basically i decided that it did matter bc i was curious and i checked and then moved on. and then i had this whole realization that less and less lately i've been shutting myself down and giving myself a chance to think abt what matters to me, which has also been good. sometimes i'm just curious, and that's not a bad thing. i don't need to worry so much abt asking or doing smth and being shut down or ridiculed or whatever other negative thing can come from it. as long as i keep in mind that like, there's a time and place for things and that i generally want ppl to think of me positively in aspects of my life that matter, then i'm good. i don't need to fear so much. i don't need to worry.

this got out of hand and i've rambled for a bit w/o rly knowing what i'm trying to say at the end so. that's that ig

[justcallmegodsfave]

Here is a thing. Ao3

I'm not rly happy with it but its not atrocious so have this sorta fluffy one shot with a sprinkle of serodeku crumbs :)

~~~

"Heeey Izuku," Katsuki giggled, waving from his spot on Denki's bed. He was waving at the green haired boy like an idiot with a dopey smile on his usually scowling face.

"Okay Denki, what the fuck did you do to Kacchan? Spill. Now." Izuku demanded, sighing as he shut the door behind him. He was disappointed that something like this would happen, but not surprised.

"welllll.." Denki trailed off before continuing to explain the events that happened earlier. 

"Well the purple guy actually turned out to be-" Denki paused, stopping him and Hanta as they now stood stock still in the doorway to the kitchen staring at the site before them. 

Katsuki stood at the kitchen counter with a half full box of brownies in his hands staring at the wall as if it were the most interesting thing in the world, blinking owlishly. 

"fuck. Fuck. Fuck" denki all but screamed his hands yanking at his hair. Racing forward he yanked the container from Katsuki's hands, shutting the lid. 

"h-hey!" Katsuki paused before continuing, "oh hey denki, hanta~" Katsuki greeted in an almost singsong manner, thoroughly spooking the two teens. 

"Katsuki how many of these did you fucking eat?" Hanta asked, wondering how fucked they were. 

"Hey y-you sound upset, are you mad at me?" Katsuki pouted-he fucking POUTED. 

"N-no we just need to know how much you had kat" Hanta soothed, internally panicking. 

"Okay" Katsuki immediately brightened. "I had like 4 or 5 I can't really remember," Katsuki giggled, putting an arm around Hanta's waist. 

"o-okay come on, we're taking you up to Denki's room" Hanta chimed, guiding Katsuki towards the lift. "Call izuku now" Hanta hissed behind his friend's back. 

"Now why the fuck did you have edibles in the kitchen in the first place? Keep them in your room like a normal person" Izuku groaned, dragging a hand down his face. He was tired, sick and tired of the shit he ended up dealing with on a daily basis. 

"Look dude I only made them today! I was literally coming down with Hanta to get them when we found him. It's not all our fault" Denki defended before going over to his desk and picking up a brownie, a pout on his face.

"Well we're gonna have to look after him till he comes back down so, may as well" Izuku shrugged, following Denki's lead and taking a brownie then dropping himself on the bed next to Hanta. 

"Zuzu, I wanna cuddle you and Hanta" Katsuki said giving, were those puppy eyes? Oh he is never gonna hear the end of this- 

"Sure Kacchan" Izuku chuckled, popping the last of his brownie in his mouth. 

"Oh so you just gonna leave me out like that bro" Denki clutched his chest in mock betrayal as he looked up at the three from his spot on the floor. 

"Shit denks I'm sorry, I forgot you were sat there" Katsuki smiled at the other blond cupping his face slightly. "Come sit up here next to me pikachu." 

"I can't tell if this is the best or worst day of my entire life" Denki beamed crawling up onto the bed next to the scarily soft Katsuki. As weird as it was, Denki found it easy to snuggle up with the usually angry blond, he was really warm.

Once they were all comfortable, Katsuki spoke again "I know I don't say it like ever, but you guys mean so much to me, and you're all gonna be such kick ass hero's someday" he commented, hiding his face further into Hanta's chest. 

"Dude, that's so sweet," Hanta said, patting him on the head with his free hand. 

"AWWW KACCHAN" Denki cooed, tightening his hold on Katsuki's waist. 

"we love you too Kacchan" Izuku slurred already half asleep curled into Hanta's other side, also not noticing the look of pure adoration in Hanta's eyes as he gazed down at the green haired boy in his arms. 

By the morning, the four were half hanging off the bed in a tangled mess of tiredness. Unluckily for them Katsuki was the first to awake. As he blinked the sleep from his eyes he took in his surroundings, this isn't my fucking room this is- he looked to his right to see pikachu curled up next to him, clinging to him. He then looked to his left to see soy sauce and deku tangled together, cuddling. 

Instead of exploding he laid back down and racked his brains for what could've possibly caused this. Right so I did homework then came down for a snack before bed and then I found some... Brownies. Fuck. I thought those idiots kept their stupid fucking edibles in their room goddammit. I'm too tired to deal with this shit right now. 

And with that, Katsuki closed his eyes again in an attempt to go back to sleep until he was eventually lulled back into a peaceful sleep by the soft breathing of his friends surrounding him.

[i8jisoo]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader 

hyunjin x reader | part four of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff

↬ warnings; pregnancy, lots of cursing (i have a streak), birth, n kkami bein a meanie

↬ notes; ok this might be my fav in the series | 1.5k wc

u and hyunjin actually were broken up when u found out about the pregnancy

u waited (stalled fuck off) until five months since u really didnt know what to do with the news

u kinda feel like ur insane, playing your ex-boyfriends music constantly and watching interviews of him but it kept u company and gave u a reminder that u still needed to tell him

u got this rly cute popped out bump, just rly kinda like those movies but u know its gonna get bigger and grow to have stretch marks

one day ur just sitting on the sofa of your apartment n the next thing u know ur door is being opened and hyunjin is barging in

ofc ur in a sports bras and a pair of basketball shorts cause they r comfortable and shirts r overrated

ur there with set out marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate, as well as peppermint sticks on the side just eating them together

ur in the middle of eating a smore u had put together

u swallow ur smore slowly, sucking on ur fingertips n just staring at him

“oh my fucking god- and it’s true?” 

ur honestly so confused until u remember u dont have on a shirt n ur bump is showing

ur standing up in a millisecond, hyunjin getting more upset by the second just looking at u

“why— how? how could you just not tell me?”

baby boy has those angry tears and the strained voice hes just so upset and the guilt is setting in for u

“i’m five and a half months.” 

fuck hormones cause next thing u know ur crying and u cant do anything to make it stop

u guys really can’t be mad at each-other, ur relationship was filled with nothing but kindness and it ended only because u two felt it was going no where

ofc u two argued about it and in the end hyunjin was the one who walked out

“we can try again. you can move back in right? we can stay together and put back the pieces.”

u agreed n by the next morning he was there to help u pack ur things up n take them back to his place

he ends up seeing the box of baby stuff, with unopened bottle packages and sonograms, as well as a disc that was labelled as your 3D ultrasound

u find him just sitting there, staring at the black and white sonogram with tears freely falling down his cheeks

he doesn't even notice u next to him until ur thumb swipes the tear away from his cheek

u two just smile at each-other, his arm wrapping around u n pulling u in to his side

“that’s our baby?” he asks, not removing his eyes from the little white blob that barely was the size of a jaw breaker n u just whispered, “yea, it is.”

ur relationship doesn’t exactly get back into what it was at first,,

ur both nervous and cautious around each other

at first he insists he can just sleep on the couch so u can take his bed but u insist u both can sleep together

hyunjin doesn’t mean to but he somehow always winds up with his arm around u n ur bump every morning

he will talk to the bump n tell them how they r gonna have the best mommy n daddy 🥺

“did u know ur mommy is one of my favorite people to be with? i know ur gonna hear the story one day of how we became parents but i have always loved her, even when we weren’t together i loved your mommy. i hope one day you will love someone as much as i love your mommy, i hope you get your mommy’s personality bub.”

ur fake sleeping wbk but u dont move so u can let him talk

around eight months u two are way more comfortable n are getting closer

he lets u borrow his clothes because u used to do that even when u weren’t pregnant and he figured they were more comfortable & better looking than ur maternity outfits 😣

he rly goes the whole nine yards, buying anything u can think of for the baby n he’ll sometimes wake u up from ur sleep (if he’s rly excited) just so he can show u what he bought

hyunjin is in love with u and kkami cuddling together

also when ur due date got closer u both def went out for walks with kkami or played in the dog park with kkami

(u couldn’t really be as active as hyunjin but it was fine with u just watching)

something within hyunjin changes n he just gets so shy n flustered around u ^.^

he’s crushing so hard on u and u can guess he is but then again u two were just living together for the pregnancy

it’s probably three in the morning n hyunjin had just came home

ofc u were crying

a rly cute dog ad was playing with a baby in it as well :(

u explain n hiccup while doing so

hes so s o f t at this moment

he presses a soft kiss to ur lips n ur like wow thats um—

he doesn’t even care how shocked u r this man goes back in for more kisses

“i want you, i wanna be a real family. i wanna one day marry you, have more babies or get other dogs, that’s all i’ve ever wanted since the day we met.”

enywayz u two r dating,, a g a i n

spooning half of the time during ur last few weeks of pregnancy, but the boys come over frequently n for some reason jeongin is always bringing presents?? its cute but u guys RLY didn’t need anymore toys for the baby

u guys r just cuddling n he’s got one hand on ur bump before ur like

“ow,, fuck that hurt.”

“hey don’t swear around the baby!”

u just suppose it’s a hard kick since the baby had been active a lot recently n the pains had been occurring often

kkami is very cuddly today n he’s giving u kisses

hyunjin lowkey jealous cause kkami doesn’t ever give him kisses like that  ⸜( ⌓̈ )⸝

yall ever seen the thing where dogs know pregnant people the best n they can like SENSE something goin on??

well kkami was on it 

baby kkami is sniffing u n just restless in ur lap n its a lil weird cause kkami is ALWAYS sleeping or sitting still cause kkami has turned as lazy as u n hyunjin

u have this feeling but instead u just tell hyunjin u gotta pee :P

newsflash: u didnt n as soon as u got up, boom, theres ur water breaking and running down ur leg

“it feels gross.”

ur literally whining about ur pants while a baby is coming out of ur ... hooha 😳 n hyunjin is freaking out

he’s rushing around the rooms n making sure everything is in the bag and nothing gets left behind

last thing on his mind is changing ur clothes

though he does, putting u in his baggy sweatshirt and a pair of his shorts

hes freaking out lets be honest the thought of u giving birth is fuckin scary

hyunjin is so out of it and spaced out while ur cool n talking normally with pauses everytime theres a contraction

“aish, why are you so worried? i’m the one that should be worried!!”

ur not cool after an u hit the four hours in labor mark

u do not want to be t o u c h e d

touching u is off limits ur so sweaty n ur body feels like its crumbling u cannot deal with someone holding ur hand or holding u

hyunjin just sits there

hes kinda in a different realm while he stares at the clock on the wall

hes so ready to meet the baby but apparently ur body was exactly 4 centimetres not ready :(

hes just trying to distract u by talking with the boys n his other friends, all of the face timing to talk to the parents to be 🥺

yall r wrapping up a call with jeongin when u have the built up pressure feeling again

he doesn’t even explain to jeongin hes so quickly to hang up n ask u whats wrong

“i— it feels like i have to push.”

he’s already pressing the pretty lil white button on ur bed for the nurses n doctors

they confirm that u indeed r ready to push and that the baby is in position

hyunjin trying to take a peek WHAT A WEIRDO

yall hearing ur baby has a head full of hair and u just give hyunjin this look

like WTF no wonder why u had so much heartburn its because of ur fuckin rapunzel baby daddy

here comes the cries, loud n u just heard the quietest sob from beside u which was hyunjin

“it’s a baby boy, congrats!!”

his lil puppy baby boy 🥺

he had a lil pout like his daddy n his brown locks on top of his head

it was kinda creepy how similar they looked

anyways u dont care ur lil boy is p e r f e c t and nobody could dare tell yall different

u would disagree anyways because thats ur lil pouty baby boy n hes so cute 🥺

“we got a pretty good break-up story right? one for the books.”

he’s got baby boy in his arms bundled up but that doesn’t stop u from smacking his arm before kissing him quickly

“yea, we do.”

©️ maysdiors 2020 :: all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[naturalbornkillass]

delayed post from 07/10/22 - A weird week: still depressed // might need to get the “hottest girl in rehab” sweatshirt. // modern feminism // why am i attracted to older men i dont even ducking have daddy issues

The last part happened today but i’ll include it into my evenfully unevenful week

i’ve been ridiculously depressed and irritable this week. i havent touched my prescripted medicine and i probably should. i’m in no way getting better.

During the 4th of july, i got into a hugeeee argument with my dad and i ended up staying home and playing roblox w my friends. it was kinda fun, then it all hit me. I’m at home during the 4th of july, doing absolutely nothing. I was bored and depressed. I HAD NOTHING TO DO!! So I ordered some food from grubhub and it made me feel better for a little bit. Then it hit me again. I'm getting fomo. How can i celebrate the 4th. of july? and listen I’m not the most patriotic citizen, and to be honest, i’m not big on independence day. although I am big on the celebrations itself, whether or not i really give a fuck about the reason of the celebration .

i decided to try lsd for the first time, and it was def the most sensational type of high i’ve ever experienced. especially bc it was laced with some other strong ass shit, which i didn't really know until i got tested positive for other stuff. I didn't rly mind tho, i had a good time regardless. My therapist was not happy ofc, so they actually told me that they may have to send me to a 30 day rehabilitation program if things don’t improve within the next week. It’s either that, or I have to stay at a psych ward for 7 days minimum, which isnt as bad, given that it’s so easy to trick them into thinking that you’re doing well within the span of a week. But either way, i’ll be stripped away from any sort of communication with all of you. unless i can memorize all of your number. not tryna do all that.

I'm against it, obviously. I’m functioning! I should be fine.

The reason why i’m not making such a big deal out of this is bc I’m not being too irresponsible with everything. Honestly i really do believe that they’re just trying to profit off of me. No one really knows what to do in those places. None of the staff members really know what they were getting themselves into. If you’re there for the money, why cant you at least try to put some effort on the shit tht you were supposed to do?

if i do end up in one in the future, best believe i’m pulling up in the corniest fit ever

but fr tho i actually have to start putting some effort because i’m not trying to go to some goddamn facility. I have many plans for this summer and living in a place w a bunch of druggiez isnt my thing. if all fails, i hope to be grouped with cool people.

i met someone on roblox, which i’ve spent a few hours with….at night. it was fun okay, and im not for edating, but this is entertaining for me. i wonder how many ppl he’s groomed online. better yet, i wonder how many people get groomed on roblox??? He’s 21 btw i forgot to mention, and yeah he does sound like it. Thats all i can say tho.

The thing is, you’ll never know if your the groomer or the groomee. Edating is so funny to me despite the times that i’ve attempted to do so. I got out of that phase towards the beginning(-ish?) of 9th grade. After that, I’ve just started fishing for some creepy pedos online and i tried to see if i can get money off of them. I found many, but they all wanted my fucking face to be in pictures/videos and they wanted to be able to hear my voice and such, like how desperate can you be? Theyre all really fucking pathetic and it just pissed me off seeing people live like that. Discord users are really something else……..

just dont edate. It's that easy.

One thing that I have noticed is that I kinda have a problem with older men. Why am I writing about this online rather than telling a professional about this? Idk but I just felt like it needs to be talked about. No, I don't have daddy issues, which proves that it's only a common stereotype. Women have such a great amount of power, simply just by existing. Next thing you know, you've hypnotized them into throwing their cash onto you.

[luvhrs]

shadow and bone — ep 3 thoughts:

(might have to stop here and continue tmrw after i finish this stupid stats hw 😤)

rapunzel!alina with all the light imagery in that dream

suddenly i'm watching bridgerton

i like this ginger lady miss safin can they be besties

whoaaa a tailor??? how many kinds of grisha are there :o

sAGGING TITSJDKFJDJ

kaz seems pretty adamant on the sun summoner not existing 👀 i wonder why

pretty nina~ yo now that i think abt it the extent of heartrenders' powers must be p wide tho couldn't they also just. stop someone's heart from beating in a snap

cool cinematography again!! (is that even what it's called) why is jesper eating the random biscuit(?) 😭😭😭

money money money. ain't it funny. in a rich man's world

god i'm sorry there's gonna be a lot of jester loving on here he is just. So Very Attractive and i am So Very Weak

andddd he took a detour to gamble 💀

kirigan appearing out of nowhere bcs ~shadow~ also this silhouette shot is very nice

oh my i wonder how she'll show her power. let's go exalted council

me to kirigan if i were in alina's place: [rihanna voice] what's wrong with me? why do i feel like this?

how did alina do that??? did kirigan cause that somehow??? bcs shadow needing light or vice versa or whatever but either way i'm excited to see her fight and awaken more of her power aaAAA

"you were perfect" silco haunts me. anw kirigan is very sus to me rn this feels like his plan wASN'T THAT TOO EASY

uhhhh ok sudden hostility from zoya 😐

KAZ HOLDING A GOAT IS THE BEST THING I'VE SEEN TODAY

ooh look man of progress poster (i'm just making arcane and DA references now lmao sorry)

"hope is dangerous. it clouds your judgment." sounding a lot like "emotions always screw everything up." kaz and hank ik y'all are just 2 big softies

oh no nina's still in trouble!!

convenient ominous giant train!!

GODDAMMIT JESPER

YO THIS IS SO INTERESTING I FEEL LIKE I'M ON A FIELD TRIP BUT WITH MY LIFE ON THE LINE

MAL WE MISS YOU LOVER BOY :(

OOOO ALINA A FIGHTER U GO GIRL

ok zoya has the hots for kirigan the "she's in good hands" thing /was/ in jealousy (also yeah nadya(?) me too ngl hahsjdjdd)

stag again??? what if these are her memories coming back to her 😳

bet kirigan's lurking (haha get it) in this library somewhere. oh wait that's the spiritual adviser. he's a bit creepy 😭

i absolutely love how many kinds of grisha there are!!!!! feels like pokemon. i gotta know them all

as a burnt out gifted child with nothing left of my gift now but a desire for academic validation, i like baghra bcs if she were my mentor she's the type i'd want to impress. and she's pretty

OMG SHE REMINDS ME OF FLEMETH!!! I AUTOMATICALLY LOVE HER MORE NOW

THIS TRAIN RIDE GIVES ME SO MUCH ANXIETY. THE COALLLL

oh i just noticed the grisha's uniform design depending on their power i'm BLIND

are these all the grisha existing rn or no? there are less than i expected

bro go easy on alina can i order an adjustment period 😭😭😭

JESPER ACTUALLY HUGGING THE GOAT IN RESIGNATION I'M CRIGNGJFNF

WTF JESPER COOL MOMENT??? HELLO????? MF MY SISTER IS SLEEPING BESIDE ME I CAN'T GO FERAL RNDJIEDIIJE

he's so fucking cool ohmygod you guys and if i repeat this scene all night

but also he shifted his weight fuck what's gonna happen???

THE SHOT OF THE GUN. OH MY FUCKING GOD. THAT'S SO FUCKING COOL WHAT. WHAT. IS HE ONE OF THOSE SHARPSHOOTERS???

THE SHARPSHOOTING IS COOL AF YES BUT HEAR ME OUT: HE WAS HOLDING. THE GOAT. THE ENTIRE TIME.

he is forming a lifelong bond with that goat i bet that being said i would like your hand in marriage sir

also jesper's actor giving us everything??? (also everyone else rly goddamn i hope the other charas get cool solo sequences like this too!!!) wHEW that GAZE at the beginning and then after everything seamlessly transitioning back into the funny clever persona 🤌🤌🤌

THESE BITCHES ACTUALLY MADE IT THRU. HOLY SHIT THAT DESERVES A STANDING OVATION

yo i rly love alina's letter to mal tho... idk there's smth so human abt it. it's abt the perpetual "i can go anywhere i want, just not home" feeling!!! it's abt the self-discovery and finding your place in this world!!! how it's a universal experience and yet every person goes thru it uniquely, not to mention blindly. smth hopeful in knowing that even the most powerful person in the world probably struggles with their identity

"you have always been my true north, mal." BITCH I'M 😭😭😭😭😭 that is the sweetest thing ever girlie dON'T U DARE CHOOSE KIRIGAN OVER MAL I SWEAR TO THE SAINTS

[twewy-comix]

the big one-oh - let’s watch twewy

only two more after this!!!

LAST TIME: EVERYTHING SUCKS

“neku wake up! you fucked up big time” “beat”

they decide to go check out where they can get with their keypin. also a dude walks through neku and he hears his twitter feed

it’s indeed become homogenous - once known for being full of all sorts of individuals with their own viewpoints, it has been reduced to a wasteland of people shuffling about like zombies. not a single unique thought to be found. the same phrases, repeating endlessly, mindlessly...

...and that’s just what twitter was like BEFORE the replies meme amirite (canned laughter) (wild applause)

「えっ、ハネコマってハネコマ？」kawaii

and if there’s one person we can always trust, it’s joshua

anyway they continue their search for konishi

love this cat

thot detected

murder!

thot detected

after doing some murder and awkwardly-timed feelings jams, neku and beat find a wall that’s all fucky. i wonder who could possibly have done this

kawaii

they go through to udagawa, where the air is thick with space cat powder. the source seems to be the weird sigil sho drew, so neku tries taking pictures of the past to figure out wtf happened. he doesnt explain how it works to beat because “there’s no time,” which im sure won’t bite him in the ass later

(happy birthday tsudaken)

oh hey it’s our pals kariya and uzuki im sure they know what happened here

jk it’s a boss fight

the anime’s weirdly inconsistent about when it shows blood or not, huh

beat manages to knock uzuki’s red skull pin off, which im not sure was a thing in the game?

they realize they can reverse the brainwashing this way and remove kariya’s pin too, thus avoiding any senseless murder

honestly i didnt rly like how this scene was the last we see uzuki and kariya in the game*, so if the anime is changing that im fine with it. Let Them Live

(i mean theyre in neo twewy so we know they live) (but i thought they were double-dead for nine years, dammit)

*(but the last time i talked about that ppl got mad at me lmao)

haha... sure u are ;)

THE WHOLE BUILDING’S FUCKED UP (AND NOBODY NOTICED???)

oh ok. in the game beat just grabs the camera and uses up all the photos and they find something useful by pure luck lol

oh shit they found his catnip stash

hey havent we seen that design on an evil sky laser recently

yeah from an evil sky laser

oh. that too

anyway there’s a gold key pin in the envelope and a letter that says “try not to get killed by konishi”

wasnt he trying to help joshua get into the river? yet he had this keypin all along?? what gives??? you have to watch the secret reports OVA to find out

oh no

yeah and the weird art installation’s in the way too

male gaze

OH COME ON THEYRE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE 

nope, nothing to see here, move along

murder accusation #2...

...ignored

(he doesn’t say megs/megu-chan here. fascinating)

OH. UH. OKAY

some context: here’s the game’s version of this scene:

nine years ago i drew this comic based on that scene (which i re-uploaded earlier today):

but i hadnt read the secret reports yet back then, and on my second or third playthrough i thought “oh maybe he actually meant hanekoma here”

also earlier today i was musing on that and thinking “nah, probably not, but given how the anime framed his resurrection it’d be really funny if he was” because hanekoma was RIGHT BEHIND HIM

but here we are. he really was looking for hanekoma, who was right behind him. that answers that!!!

but i guess the question here is: is hanekoma the composer? or rather, does sho think hanekoma is the composer?

(i know the answer ofc. probably.)

anyway yeah it’s funny. and also way funnier after i said “nah probably not, he couldnt POSSIBLY be THAT much of a dumbass”

no, dude, you cant tap him on the screen or he’ll just teleport all over the goddamn place. you gotta aim your shots through him, like the guy you really wanna hit is standing behind this asshole

unfortunately not everyone can be a super awesome gamer like me so they get their asses kicked. and--wait what

day six....? in the game they were on the last day, right? what do they need an extra day for?? and by they i mean the writers

bunp

NEXT TIME: THE END EXCEPT NOT BECAUSE THERE’S TWO EPISODES LEFT BUT IT LOOKS LIKE THEYRE GONNA DO ALMOST EVERYTHING IN THE NEXT ONE AND IDK HOW THEYLL HAVE ENOUGH TO FILL THE LAST

[onigiri-writes]

BAKUGOU X BLACK FEM READER🧡

Lmao this takes place 1 month into the school year and your new to UA and Japan your from any state in the US (or anywhere other than Japan)

Bakugo

    The class was socializing when suddenly a sleppy eyed Mr. Aizawa appears "settle down class I have something to announce"

*The noise comes to an immediate stop*

"Class today we have a new student" Mr. Aizawa says

*he signals for you to come in and introduce yourself to the class*

"Hey every one my names Y/N I moved her from (you make it up)" you say very confidently "tch" you here from the back of the class room you look up and see a boy with the most beautiful crimson colored eyes you had ever seen, mumbling something under his breath and roll his eyes you think nothing of it and say "anything you guys wanna know about me?"

Immediately everyone's asking questions about you

"What's your quirk" blurted a green haired  boy

"Well my quirk I-" before you can get out another word you hear someone shout "wanna be friends!?" A pink skinned girl says next thing you know every one in the class is shouting bombarding you with questions "that's enough class be quite now " Aizawa says everyone in class does just that "so where do I sit" you say excited "hmm.. you can sit in front of Bakugou" you look at Aizawa confused wondering who hes referring to "Bakugo raise your hand" he says to turn back towards the class to see the boy with crimson eyes send you a glare with his hand halfway in the air you hear him mumble something under his breath but cant make out what hes saying you ignore and just sit down

Bakugous pov:

When she walked into the classroom I couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was with her H/L curly hair, her E/C eyes,  THICC thighs and beautiful curves (if your not thicc sorry im a skinny bitch to) damn shes hot he thinks to himself  wait what the fuck am I talking about snap out of it Bakugou he thought to himself "tch" he says as she confidently introduces herself to the class to distract himself from his thoughts.

Time skip to when she sits at her new seat

Damn how am I supposed to get her out of my head now that shes sitting right in front of me

Your pov:

After class you were about to head to lunch untill you heard a voice come from behind you and to your surprise it was the crimson eyed boy from before "y-yes what do you need" you say nervously "I'm only saying this once so listen up do y-you wanna eat lunch with me and my squad?" He said hesitantly "sure" you reply "r-really" "uh I mean yea ok" he says the two of you guys head to the cafeteria together getting to know each other.

JESUS FUCKIN CHRIST THAT WAS HARD TO WRITE this is rly fun tho this is so much writing I'll do part 2 with the other boys later dont forget to like and repost if you want more thanks:)

[extremelyblackandwhite]

a hc of bucky x reader inspired by bella and edward? vampire!bucky and human!reader would be interesting 👀

i was just watching twilight when this request was sent over to me 👀 also yeah i  am now finally not ashamed to say that i like twilight, yes it cheesy yes it makes zero sense but hey its called comfort, its called relief and it only took me what 7 years to admit it also yes steve is the creator of this coven

bucky had learned to live with what he was long after steve had turned him. he knew he had done it out of necessity and because he had no other choice but sometimes he wondered if it would’ve been better to have died than to have been living this long.

steve would often joke that he was pretty young compared to other vampires yet nevertheless nothing else surprised him anymore. things were always the same just with different facades.

overtime the coven had grown from just two scrappy kids from brooklyn to other members who had been “saved” by steve and other vampires searching for a safe haven from other covens.

things were calm until billionaire philanthropist tony stark joined the coven then suddenly they were public figures known for throwing charity parties and being themselves sometimes heads of a handful charities

bucky found it all too cynical and would often voice his disgust over them who all at the time had hurt or killed a mortal to put this charitable facade

nevertheless his opinion was not popular and even natasha who tended to be as cynical about their nature as he was didn’t agree with his views on their work

maybe he wouldn’t dislike it so much if he didn’t have to be dragged down to a charity donation ball almost every sunday yet there he was; dressed in one of his best tuxes, leather gloves on and a scowl on his face

“wear gloves, people will be less freaked out” tony had told him the first ball they attended. his metal arm was the least of worries of any mortal who came in contact with him but what could he say?

he leaned against one of the room’s walls, champagne glass in one hand as he scanned through the room. there were always the same people, same tuxes, same music except for tonight when he noticed a woman enter the room by her lonesome dressed in a baby pink satin gown, hands in front of her  torso holding a white satin bag and shoulders slightly hunched as if she was trying to blend into the sea of donors.

he moved from his wall, keeping his distance, but following her across the room until she stopped at the bar, requesting for some fancy drink whose name bucky didn’t recognise.

god he could hear it, he could hear her breathing, her heart beating, her blood running  through her veins. he could hear everything and for the first time in years, it was making his predator nature run wild with wanton. 

“found yourself a snack, cyborg brain?” sam interrupted his chain of thought, situation himself by his side “steve said no snacking on mortal donors” “i thought the rules were don’t snack on mortals” “well if the ladies ask ... how can i deny them?” “do you know her?” “no but i sure would love to” “back off” “stacking a claim on her?” “you have enough ladies in your arm today to swindle” “and i should be with them but instead i’m babysitting you” “i don’t need babysitting” “if you say so, man. just don’t make a mess of this evening” 

bucky rolled his eyes at sam, returning his gaze to her to notice tony stark had gotten to her. of course. 

“ah barnes” tony approached him with the baby pink dress woman by his arm    “this is miss y/n, she’s the assistant of one of our biggest donors who sadly is very sick tonight” “pleasure” “why don’t you tell her about our charity’s new initiatives?”

bucky knew what he was doing, tony always did it. pairing any woman donors with the men from the coven to try and get as much money from them as they could

“you needn’t bother. my boss is gonna donate anyway” “straight to the point” “i think you do a beautiful job. i checked how much of the donations you keep and you don’t keep any percentage of it” “isn’t that the point” “you’d be surprised, mr. barnes” “oh please don’t call me mr. barnes” “what should i call you then” “bucky” “then you should call me y/n”

bucky told himself he’d get over his pesky feelings but when on a tour of the new laboratory facilities there she was again in office clothing, by the side of a much older woman

once she saw him she rushed to embrace him taking him by surprise. bucky wasn’t touched that often, not by mortals not by even elements of his coven. some would say he was touch starved and maybe he was but her being in his arms right now wasn’t safe

he could smell her, smell her blood, rushing warm through her veins masked by the scent of her perfume. god why did she even wear that thing? her smell was divine and his control was wavering 

“god, doll, you smell divine” “uh ... thank you?” “your perfume is rly good” “oh thank you” “what are you doing here, doll?” “boss came to see the new lab your charity paid for. i tagged along” “interested in laboratories?” “yes i wanna be a researcher but first you gotta get connections and i’m fresh out of university without any” “so you decided to become a PA?” “her last PA went on to become a research fellow at a top university” “sounds like a plan” “listen, i haven’t had breakfast yet and there’s this lovely cafe nearby. maybe we can grab some food” “no, i’m good” “oh”

“buck, you turned down her date invite?” “she has blood running in her veins” “so does sharon” “sharon is different.” “go out with her, c’mon, what’s the worse that could happen?” “i could kill her” “cmon buck, you have restraint around humans” “not her, she ... god steve she smells delicious. can’t you smell it?” “no. i think you’re overthinking it”

bucky watched her from afar until she caught him “you’re staring” “i wanted to apologise. i believe i was rude.” “it’s okay to say no” “you’re just very enticing to me, dollface” “maybe dinner?” “you pick” “i will text you”

[lupinsx]

Stay With Me

masterlist

Request: hi!! i really loved your first fic!!😙 i was wondering if you could write one where the reader is a slytherin, and she’s like pretty good friends with draco. she gets an owl one day with some bad news about her family (you can decide what lmao) and she acts like she’s ok at first but she leaves the great hall rly early while draco watches and he goes to help. you can choose how it ends hehe

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Slytherin!Reader

Summary: Y/N and Draco are the best of friends. When Y/N hears news that will change her life, it’s up to him to help save her from her grief.

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: Mentions of death (nothing graphic though).

a/n — Thank you for requesting! I hope I did justice to this prompt lol.

——————————

For a moment, everything was nice.

It was late in the evening, and the Slytherin common room would be deserted if it wasn’t for you and Draco occupying the space. He sat lazily on the mossy coloured couch while you sat next to him horizontally with your legs draped over his lap, your back leaned against the armrest. The closeness between you two was almost second nature, being too overdone for it to be given another thought.

It was comfortable, that’s all. Just normal behaviour between friends.

Or at least, that’s what you say to yourself.

“And that damn bludger almost knocked my head off near the end! It was a miracle I managed to duck on time,” Draco beamed, using hand gestures as he spoke to walk you through the events. Earlier that day, Slytherin won a Quidditch match against Ravenclaw, and Draco couldn’t be more ecstatic. You nodded your head in agreement as you kept your head low, focusing on the essay on your lap which needed to be completed.

With a boastful smile stretched across his face, he continued, “It was an amazing catch! The Ravenclaw seeker got close to the snitch, but I was clearly faster.”

It was silent for a moment as Draco waited for a response. You were too engrossed in the Transfiguration assignment in front of you that you almost forgot he was there, but a hand waved in front of your face brought you back to reality. Putting away the parchment with a sheepish grin, you turned your attention towards him.

“Sorry, I was finishing up my paragraph. But yes, you were amazing out there. I watched the whole thing, remember?”

His face reddened slightly at your praise, but you failed to notice under the dim candlelit lighting. Suddenly, a realization hit you; Christmas break would be approaching very soon. The mere thought warmed you like a nearby fire, and you found yourself getting giddy at the thought.

“Draco! Christmas break is in one more week. Can you believe it?” you asked, eyes wide in excitement like a child receiving candy. He nodded vaguely, unable to show much happiness at the matter.

You found immense joy at the idea of Christmas. While your half-blood and pureblood parents are comparable to a nasty old Grinch, your muggle grandmother makes the holidays entirely bearable. She frequently bakes with you, blasts old Christmas tunes whenever your parents are away, and puts on heartwarming films to enjoy together every night and morning.

These little traditions are practically the only reason you enjoy coming home. Your parents are strong upholders of the snotty rich family stereotype most Slytherins seem to bear, but having someone at your house who loves you for you and not your possible potential makes you extremely grateful.

Unfortunately, your best friend didn’t have that same luck. Draco’s parents are to a similar degree of cruelty as yours, but the lack of comforting adult figures at his house makes him loathe coming home for the break more so than you would.

It was only the prospect of seeing you after it what made him survive throughout the holiday season.

Frowning at his sudden quietness, you grabbed his hand and gave it a small squeeze. Your lips stretched into a comforting smile, not knowing what else to say to ease his mind.

He gave you a reassuring glance in response, and all was quiet for a moment. Merely the delicate crackle coming from the fireplace was heard as you unknowingly kept his hand in yours. After a minute’s time, you pulled your arm back and swung your legs off his lap.

“Come on, let’s go to bed,” you said, dragging him up by his arm. He chuckled at your slight manhandling of him as you picked up your essay and waved goodbye to him. You then headed to the girls dormitory, while he went the opposite way.

That night, memories of candy canes, gingerbread houses, and the Home Alone series occupied your thoughts, leaving you in a blissful dreamland for the remainder of the night.

~~~

The next morning, you found yourself being awoken by the loud shuffling of feet outside your door. Judging by the streams of light pouring through your drapes, you knew it was time to get up.

Your morning routine didn’t take longer than 15 minutes. Once you deemed yourself ready for the day, you headed to the common room, only to see Draco leaning boredly against the portrait hole. Upon seeing you, amusement flickered briefly in his eyes.

“Race you to the Great Hall,” he spoke quickly, breaking out into a sprint before you could even respond. With a small groan and a grin threatening to spread across your mouth, you ran after the platinum haired boy.

Typical Draco, you thought. When will I ever catch a break.

Although his long legs and early exit gave him a lengthy advantage, you managed to catch up to him considerably fast, and you two crashed into the Slytherin table at nearly same time. An airy chuckle escaped his lips as you panted heavily, taking a seat as well as a large gulp of water. The pair quickly received eyes on them for their abrupt entry, but all stares were disregarded upon the sight of food in front of you.

You licked your lips in delight and swiftly reached for the French toast, ignoring the loud entrance of owls delivering the morning mail. You almost didn’t notice one approach your table, and certainly not when it swooped next to your head, but a small tap on your shoulder redirected your attention to the letter laid in front of you.

Curiously enough, you weren’t even expecting any mail.

“Who’s it from?” asked Draco nonchalantly as he scarfed down his scrambled eggs. You shrugged your shoulders and picked up the letter, impatiently unwrapping it without paying mind to front cover.

Dear Y/N L/N,

I hope you’re currently studying for exams or completing your coursework. Remember, I expect nothing less than Outstandings in every class.

Of course. Typical of mom to start off a letter addressing grades. No ‘Hello my daughter’ or anything.

I’m sending this letter to tell you that your grandmother has passed away. It was inevitable, really. She was getting quite old. But the burial was last Wednesday, so that’s done and over with. Our annual Christmas and New Year’s parties will resume as normal, so don’t you worry. Anyways, resume your studying.

Yours Truly,

Mrs L/N

Grandma… is dead?

Your knuckles gripped tightly onto the paper, your eyes skimming through it again and again to confirm you read it accurately. Eventually, the tears developing prevented you from seeing it clearly, and you simply crumpled up the letter and shoved it in your robe’s pocket.

You were alone now. All alone.

It took a minute for you to digest the information. You sat silently, making no effort to pick up your fork or look up from your lap. You couldn’t believe she was really gone from your life. It seemed like it was almost yesterday when you two were belting out Jingle Bells while icing sugar cookies.

And now, she was gone, just like that.

Standing up from your spot, you looked up to the ceiling to quickly diminish the water in your eyes. Once relatively dried, you faced Draco, who stared up at you with concern lacing his features. He was no longer focused on the meal in front of him, nor the conversations going on around him.

Forcing a small smile on your face, you croaked, “I’m feeling a little full. Just going to get some fresh air.” Without letting him reply, you rushed out of the Great Hall. Your jaw was clenched to prevent you from sobbing immediately as you ran out the doors and towards the Black Lake.

Soon, you found the spot under a tree which you had always claimed to be your own. It had the perfect view of the lake in front, so you often came here to de-stress, study, or simply hang out with Draco. Today, however, it was used as your crying corner, away from the eyes of your peers and noise of people chatting nearby. It was secluded.

And perhaps, that level of isolation was exactly what you needed to break down.

So, you cried. And cried. You sobbed louder than a newborn baby, and produced more tears within a minute than you have done within a year. You were grieving for the only adult figure in your life you ever found solace in.

What felt like hours of misery turned out to be mere minutes, which was soon interrupted by a figure dropping down next to you and pulling you to their chest. Although the puffiness of your eyelids and tears pooling above it blocked your vision, the smell of cedar wood and vanilla made you well aware of Draco’s presence. He cradled your upper body as you cried into his chest, gripping onto his shirt in tight fists.

“Draco, s-she — my grandma, she’s g-gone,” you hiccuped between your words. He didn’t respond, simply brushing the hair from your face and rubbing your back while trying to hush your cries.

It took a long while, but eventually, the tears had ceased and the whimpers were quiet and minimal. You simply took in Draco’s scent as he protectively held you. Upon noticing your silence, he finally broke the silence.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. You don’t deserve this.”

You released a pathetic chuckle, eyes looking empty as you dismiss the last part. “But it still happened. And now, I’m all alone.”

Immediately, Draco pulled you from his chest, keeping you in his arms but now facing him. He stared into your eyes with an unreadable expression and carefully remarked, “You are not alone. I’m here for you. Always.”

His response left you with a small grin tugging on your lips. You felt grateful to have a friend like him in your life, putting up with you no matter the circumstance. But as quickly as the thought came, it was replaced with the looming reality of what’s to come next week. You would have to come home for Christmas and endure constant neglect and judgement from your parents. Fear washed over your face in an instant as your eyebrows furrowed in worry.

Noticing the change of expression, he moved his hand to your jaw to hold the side of your face. “Hey, hey, what’s the matter now love?”

“I’m gonna have to come home for Christmas,” you spoke with quivering lips and a shaky tone. Tears threatened to spill from your eyes once more, but Draco caught each one and wiped them from your cheek with delicate strokes of his finger.

“No, Y/N, you won’t. Not this year, at least. You can come with me to my house, or I can stay with you at Hogwarts. Either way, I am not leaving you alone.”

“Y-you’ll stay with me?” you asked tentatively. You and him both knew how much you needed him at a time like this, but his understanding without your spoken words left you feeling a certain type of admiration for the boy.

Just as you did yesterday, Draco squeezed your hand in a reassuring manner before mumbling, “Of course I will.”

He then left a gentle kiss on your forehead, spreading warmth to every corner of your body. “I promise, Y/N. I won’t leave you. Not now, not later, not ever. I will always stick by your side.”

——————————

a/n — I had lots of fun writing this, despite it currently being an ungodly hour. Thank you again for requesting and let me know what you think!

[corpsedaydream]

crash

so, here i am with a new one shot.

so before anyone asks if i’m gonna be posting frequently again or anything, i process things by writing about them. if something is running through my mind over and over and i can’t think through it on my own in my mind, writing about it generally helps me. this past weekend was supposed to be a fun long weekend away w my friends but it quickly ended when i experienced something pretty traumatic. i haven’t been able to sleep at all the past couple nights and so i started working on this. originally it was just going to be something private to help myself w the panic i was feeling then i started adding a muse into it and then i realised i was still writing about corpse without even meaning to, so i guess he’s still got me feeling musey.

anyway, i thought about keeping this private bc i’m still rly shaken up about what happened but idk feels like a shame to just let it sit on my computer.

idk if i’m back to this blog yet, i still feel indifferent about it. i’m signed out on my phone and was signed out on my laptop until just now and haven’t opened my inbox.

anyway. here’s the one shot.

word count: 1666 words (i’m not kidding)

trigger warning: car crash, panic attack

__________________________________________________

crash

Wake up. Wake up. Wake up wake up wake up.

The words repeated over and over in your head. You’d had dreams about crashing your car before, but usually you woke up just before the point of impact. This time you didn’t.

This couldn’t of happened, this can’t be real, this is a a dream, I’ve got to wake up.

But you were already very much awake, this was very much real.

The colour had already drained from your face, tears were welling up in your eyes and your heart had already sunk. Your hands were trembling, your chest was completely still, you weren’t breathing in that moment. Your body had reacted before your mind had completely caught up.

“Fuck.” Was all you managed to say as realisation had hit you. You’d gotten into a car crash.

You looked around you, wondering how the others cars on the road were still moving when it felt like your world had just come to a stop when your car had its collision. You heard your dad’s voice in your head, all the things he’d told you when he taught you how to drive, had - god forbid - you ever ended up in a situation like this.

You went through the motions as well as you could. You were in a state of shock and physically, you were definitely there, but mentally, you really weren’t present. You were having an out of body feeling in the most terrifying way, it was a defence from the panic that had overwhelmed you.

-

Corpse felt a surge of anxiety. He had no idea why, either. All he was doing was looking through fan art on twitter, he hadn’t seen anything that usually would make him feel like that. It just throttled its way into himself seemingly out of no where.

It was especially odd seeing that today had been such a good day. Waking up beside was usually something that put him in a good head space.

So he started to call you, you always made him feel better. But then he remembered you were driving and you were a cautious driver, you never answered your phone when you were behind the wheel. You’d told him in the past how tenacious your dad had been as a driving teacher and it had really stuck with you.

Just as he was about to hang up, knowing you weren’t going to answer, you did.

“Hello?” Something was off. Corpse heard it right away in just that one greeting from you.

“Are you okay?” He didn’t even greet you back, he already had anxiety running through him and the unsettling tone of your answer of the phone had only made it increase.

“I think so.” You were so monotoned. Corpse had never heard you speak this way. You were a lot of things, but monotone was not one. You were expressive, bright and dramatic.

“You think so?” He repeated in a questioning way, wanting to know what was wrong.

“Yeah.” You responded so plainly again. Corpse almost wanted to ask you who was he speaking to right now, because surely this couldn’t have been you. This person had your voice, but this was a person he did not know right now.

“What’s going on?”

“I crashed my car.” You said it to him so simply. There was no emotion behind it. His heart thundered as if a terrible hail storm had just broken out. 

“What?!” 

“I crashed my car.” You repeated. Once again so eerily unemotional.

“Where are you?!”

-

Corpse shouldn’t have been driving in the state he was in, but he needed to get to you. His emotions were running so high and he couldn’t comprehend why yours weren’t.

After what felt like the longest drive of his life, he reached the crash site. His panic peaked when he spotted the ambulance, immediately thinking the worst. But then he saw you standing to the side of it. You were up and talking to the paramedics, that was at least a good sign you weren’t seriously injured.

“(Y/N),” He called for you as he got out of his own car. And just like your voice on the phone, your movements were so robotic.

You were normally so open with your emotions, you were such a readable and honest person. When you were happy, you shined, when you were mad, you yelled red, when you were sad, you cried oceans. But Corpse had never seen you in a true state of shock. He’d never seen your fight or flight response. And apparently it was a stillness and unresponsive, the complete opposite to how you were normally.

“Are you okay?” He knew you probably weren’t, but he couldn’t find any clue to how you were feeling. Until his footsteps brought him closer to you.

You didn’t respond to him at all. Even words felt like too much right now. As he neared you, though, he spotted the signs of fear your body displayed that your words did not. Your hands and arms were trembling, your shoulders were slumped, your face was completely pale, sweat dotted all over your forehead despite it not being a hot day, tears were slowly spilling from your eyes one by one, your chest was moving unevenly as you struggled to breathe properly.

“Baby, c’mere.” Corpse didn’t hesitate to gather you in his arms. Holding you so tenderly against him. That’s when he felt that it was more than just your arms and hands that were trembling, your entire body had a slight shake to it. He knew you were experiencing true terror in that moment.

-

The time between your banged up car getting placed onto a tow truck and arriving back at your apartment felt like a blur.

You’d just gotten off the phone with your insurance provider when you’d heard Corpse.

“Are you in any pain?”

"What?” You’d heard him perfectly but you hadn’t once thought about how this had affected you physically.

“Are you in any pain?” He repeated himself.

“I’m not sure.” And you weren’t, but the paramedics had said that adrenaline would be coursing through you right now and adrenaline was the biggest distraction from pain. “I’m gonna go have a shower.”

“Okay.” Corpse watched you with concerned eyes until you disappeared behind your bathroom door. He so badly wanted to help, wanted to make you feel better, break you out of this state you were in that he was so not used to.

-

You didn’t know how much time you’d spent in the shower. But it was long enough that the sky had grown darker and the moon had replaced the sun by the time you emerged. Once you’d gotten dressed, you made slow steps towards your bedroom. Your hands were trembling more violently than before and your breathing was speeding up.

The shock was finally wearing off and reality was getting ready to slap you hard across the face.

“Corpse...” Your voice was so silent, almost as if you couldn’t form a word due to the air that seemed harder and harder to breathe as a panic attack started to take control of you.

Corpse might not have even heard you had he not been on such high alert for you right now. But he was, and so he did he hear you and when he saw the state you were in, he instantly got up from his spot on your bed where he was waiting for you and was wrapping you up tight.

You were hyperventilating so dangerously, your heart felt like it was being encased in treacherous clouds that tightened with every intake of air you struggled to get.

You couldn’t remember the last time you had cried this way. You were breaking down.

Corpse was completely holding you up. Had it not been for him, you would be a crumbled heap on the floor.

-

The both of you didn’t sleep that night.

Every time you were close to drifting off, the crash would replay in your mind on an insufferable loop and you would jolt awake and the panic would restart all over.

And every time, Corpse was right there to hold you through it. He didn’t sleep due to how concerned he was about you.

-

The next day was a little easier mentally, but a lot harder physically. You’d gotten so much emotion out the night before that now the pain could have your attention.

Everything from your hips up felt sore, stiff and tense. Every time you moved your neck was scary because it felt like it was about to snap. But worst of all was your chest. It was hard and painful to breathe. The paramedics had warned you about this. The impact to your chest was going to take the longest to recover from. You kept your breathing shallow, any other kind of breathing made you wince and Corpse noticed.

“You’re hurting.” It wasn’t a question, he was stating what he noticed. He’d known the signs of someone in pain. Plus he had also taken note of the bruises that had appeared on your skin, the colouring of them looking like a painting of a galaxy, all purple and blue. 

“A little bit.”

“Mhm.” He knew it was more than a little bit, but he wasn’t about to argue with you. He looked over you laying beside him, grateful that you were still here, you were alive. A car could be replaced, but you could not.

You were flat on your back because that was really only the current position that felt even the tiniest bit comfortable right now. Corpse was on his side, one of his hands supporting his head as he leaned over you. His other hand began to soothingly run his fingers through your hair and you let your eyes flutter close at the touch.

“Tired?”

“Yeah.” You mumbled back, keeping your eyes shut and feeling exhaustion take over you.

“Try sleeping, baby. I’ll be right here.”

[cherry-ber]

“You’re a little much for me”

A.N: So i disappeared for a month again and I honestly don’t know what I’m doing

Pairing: Lee Taeyong x female reader (I’m sorry i literally couldn’t avoid the pronouns) kinda Jaehyun but ???

Genre: ANGST kinda but idk if it should be called that 

Warning: I know I said it was angst but really I just wrote words so it’s actaully very bad. Mentions of a dependant relation, smoking, but i didn’t develop any of it properly. Not readproof but i needed to psot something tbh.

Plot: I honestly don’t even know what the fuck i did here but Taeyong gives too much of himself for the girl he loves even when she won’t see. (None of this makes sense, actually, but pretend it made you sad somehow idk don’t read this rly)

Tears fell from her cheeks as she walked back home. Her feet hurt inside her shoes, she purposely wore them to look better even though she regretted it as soon as she walked a mile. Clouds gattered threatening to rain when she less expected it. Her heart ached in a particular way, and for a moment she really thought she might die from sadness. 

Around her, groups of people walked together, laughing and couples would pass her by holding hands. Her hands were shaking as she looked for a cigarette in her purse, and took the lighter out of her pocket. She promised herself she wouldn’t smoke again, but that wouldn’t be the first promise she had broken today. Her phone rang, a text message from someone that she wouldn’t want to hurt by replying in a bad mood. 

She felt dumb crying in the streets, grateful that she made everyone too uncomfortable to ask if everything was alright. The truth was that she wasn’t, she felt her life was falling apart, piece by piece, knowing perfectly well all that she was doing wrong, yet unable to do something to fix it. She felt like she was spiraling down to hit rock bottom, and she was hoping that as soon as she did, she’d have enough strenght to overcome what was going on. 

Usually, she would call her boyfriend, but he was exactly the problem. Jaehyun was an amazing friend, beloved by her friends and family, a caring human and the best son to his parents, but he didn’t know how to be an okay boyfriend. He wasn’t a bad person, but he didn’t know how to be good to her. 

He’d often excuse himself saying that settling down wasn’t in his plans, but he tried for her, and he expected her to understand and forgive him when he screwd up because she was a lot to deal with, like today, when she found him kissing another lady, she felt her heart breaking when he saw her too and played the “I didn’t mean you to see this and I’m sorry for that” card that he had use too much before followed by “I can’t handle you sometimes so it’s okay for me to do this”. She knew she loved him too much, she knew that he had hurted her too much this time, though. 

“You know what? I literally can’t stand you this days, it’s not my fault you’re dependant, I don’t even love you anymore, I just can’t leave you because maybe you’ll kill yourself and then I’ll be the bad guy”

“You’re already the bad guy, Jaehyun” “I’m not, you’re overwhelming, you’re too much, I don’t know how I’ve been dealing with your shit for so long” Deffinitely not what you’d want to hear from your boyfriend of 3 years, but deep down she felt sorry for him, he was right, she was overwhelming, she was annoying and she was a little too much for anyone, even for herself, sometimes. 

The phone rang again, you noticed it was a call and hesitantly picked it up. 

“Can  I see you tonight?”

“I’m not in the mood tonight”

“Please” he was pouting on the other side of the line “I’m outside already”

She ran as fast as she could, knowing that he never joked about being outside, not wanting him to be alone when it was about to pour, It was funny how much she cared about others too much, even when she wouldn’t care about herself. At least she knew he cared about her too, he was the person he truted the most. 

Taeyong could read her like a book, he knew every breath of hers meant something, he knew something was wrong just by the way she walked, even when she greeted him with a wide smile. And she knew that he could never hide anything from him, she knew he would always be there for her, so pretending that everything was fine was pointless, she broke down when they were infront of eachother, he gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead. Her teardrops wetting his clothes enough to mistake them from the raindrops, that couldn’t chose a more dramatic moment to fall. After a moment she was able to take her keys and they came into her cold apartment, the only thing that made that place be cozy, though, was her presence.  “You smell like cigs again” He looked concerned, she quitted smoking some months ago, and they were both proude, it was sad that she went back to it again “Do you want to talk it out?”

“Not really” she boiled some water for tea and brought cookies to him “It was awful, it tastes like shit, I don’t miss it at all” 

“I’m glad you don’t” he hated to ask but he knew he had to “How was your date?”

Her eyes watered immediately at the scene of him with someone else, and she didn’t want to hear what Taeyong had to say about it. 

“It was alright, I  guess”

“Good”

He felt awkward around her, no matter how cool he played it, he was weak for her smile, he could’t help his heart from beating too fast when she spoke, he knew how to hide it from her, but everyone else could notice the way he felt, even her boyfriend, which was the main reason that they hated eachother. 

“Can we go to my room and cuddle?” Sometimes she left him speechless, for a long time he wondered if she knew and that was the reason that she gave him mixed signals, but he came to the realization that she was too nice to ever do that, she was just too friendly “Or whetever, honestly, I could use some sleep”  “I was planning on watching this movie I got recommended, but sure” he followed her to her room, she crawled into the bed and patted next to her, when he layed next to her, he felt joyful and it took her a little to fall asleep. Taeyong felt complete next to her, he wanted to have her like that forever, and he wondered how many times Jaehyun had the chance to sleep with her before, bitter again because he knew he’d never have her. 

It only took him five minutes to fall asleep too, only to be woken up by her phone ringing like crazy. She stood up and picked up too quickly when she read it was Jaehyun calling. 

“I’m sorry, babe, I shouldn’t have say that, you know I loove you”

“I love you too, Jae”

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow and make it up to you, how about that?” 

She knew, somehow, he was with someone else, she could feel it, she knew he meant nothing of what he was saying, but she decided to believe it anyway”

“You’re the best, I’ll see you tomorrow”

Those words shouldn’t have hurted Taeyong as much as they did, but it happened every time, she’d be “over him” and he’d think about confessing, and then Jaehyun would call her, because he was just as dependant as she was, he was too selfish to let her go, but not interested on her at all. Jaehyun liked to know he’d have her whenever he wanted to, without doing much to have her, he liked knowing someone needed him as much as she did, somehow. 

Taeyong loved too hard, and he knew he was unable to move on, he knew he’d always love her, no matter how many times she made him feel like he was not enough. It was funny how he got hurted everytime but he came back for more, that’s why he couldn’t blame her for loving Jaehyun too much. He wondered if she’d move on the day he would move on, too. 

**********************************************************

A.N: I DONT KNOW HOW TO USE TUMBLR ON A COMPUTER HELP . I’ll edit whatever needs to be edited, I wasnt able to add the song but of course “Liability” was playing while i was tying to write something-

[jawnjendes]

you lost a part of your existence | shawn mendes

...in the war against yourself

chapter 9/?, university au, shawn x goth oc

AN: i hope this is as angsty as yall wanted. i read this way too many times to make sure its good n stuff. i hope it rly is. pls pls let me know what u think. blease.

masterlist | playlist

August 9

She never wanted him to stay asleep so bad in her life.

Shawn had an unexpected early start to the day. He got a call from his boss at six in the morning and had to deliver some massive flower arrangements to a wedding venue, even though he had the day off due to the birthday shenanigans that happened the night before. Still, he went and came back around noon, when Annalise was up and running. Shawn went down for a nap in the room, even more exhausted than normal.

Annalise was already on the couch, trying to enjoy her day off. She really didn’t want to catch up on the sleep she missed from helping Shawn through his nightmares all night. She knew she would have to stay awake now, knowing that he was inevitably going to fall into the dark place again. Annalise decided to catch up with Bella Santiago and her strange white background on YouTube. Naturally, remaining still on the couch for an extended period of time caused her to doze off.

Two things woke her up some time later. The first was a deep, uncomfortable pit in her stomach that really wanted to get out. She felt it in her throat, and she wiggled her toes to keep it at bay. Her mind began to race like it was second nature; What did I eat? What didn’t I eat? Did I have too much food last night or not enough? Do I have to cut pasta out of my diet now? Did I forget to eat with my birth control? Am I gonna vomit blood? Am I gonna end up in the hospital and have even more surgery? Am I gonna survive this?

The other thing was a distressed sound coming from the bedroom. Annalise tightly gripped the hem of her t-shirt, willing herself to not be sick on the couch. Every one of her senses were amped up in this state, so hearing short, little screams every few seconds only agitated her more. Why did this have to happen now?

“I’ll be just fine,” she whispered as she slowly moved to get up from the couch. “I’ll be just fine…”

Another yell came from the room, and she was not fine at all. As soon as she was on her feet, Annalise felt her stomach flip, and then she was running into the bedroom, where the closest bathroom was. Didn’t even look at Shawn’s convulsing body. Just went straight to the bathroom and slammed the door. She made it to the toilet in time, holding her hand over her still fragile incisions.

The real kicker? She heaved and retched and sobbed, but nothing came out. The horrid sensation of vomiting kept coming, but nothing was being ejected from her body. Annalise shook her head between upchucks, tears staining her cheeks. Why was this still happening?

Shawn woke up due to the loud slam, but his mind and body were still in the nightmare zone. His forehead was beaded with cold sweat, and his jaw was chattering uncontrollably. He could hear his own breathing directly in his ears, like some creepy form of ASMR. Not knowing what else to do, Shawn repeatedly smacked his cheeks like he was still trying to wake himself up. That awful retching could still be heard, his dreams were never this vivid. I’m safe. I’m alive. She’s safe. She’s alive.

Suddenly, he sat up, eyes frantically scanning the room. Who the hell is vomiting so loud? It's really fucking sunny today.

He wiped the sweat off his brow and then rubbed at his arms, wanting to jump out of his skin. He wanted this to be over already. He wanted to breathe again.

“Ann?” he called softly, his voice shaking. “Help me…”

Just as he said those words, he wanted to swallow them. Panicked as he was, Shawn was finally able to figure out that the vomiting sounds were from Ann. He scrambled out of bed and went to the bathroom door, anxiously jiggling the knob. It was locked, and it only sent another shot of fear through his chest. Not to mention, the vomiting sounds had stopped, and it was quiet for an uncomfortable amount of time.

“A-Ann?” Don’t do this, she needs you. “Ann, please…” Chill out, man.

Breathing short, Shawn slid down to his knees, leaning against the door. Tears blurred his vision as he stared at the crack at the bottom of the door. He saw a flash of blood seeping out of there from his dreams, and he punched the wall next to the doorway. He tried to find his way back to earth. He breathed the way the therapist told him to, he whispered the calming mantras, he pinched the pressure point in his hand. No matter what he did, he couldn’t shake this god awful feeling.

“Please, please…” he cried, weakly banging on the door. “Can’t breathe… Help me…”

Little did he know, Annalise was sitting on the other side of the door, knees to her chest. Now that she wasn’t distracted by her own shitty digestive tract, her mind spiraled even more. She knew she had to pull herself together long enough to help Shawn, but it never felt so impossible. How could she comfort him when she was the one who caused all this emotional turmoil? How could she break him and put him back together at the same time?

“I’m a strong lady, I’m a strong lady, I’m a strong lady,” she whispered between soft little sobs.

Why is this still happening to me? I want it to be over.

Present day.

Annalise felt an uncomfortable chill go down her spine as she recalled that afternoon. To think the following day, she proposed the idea of the separation. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Then again, she didn’t know it was going to blow up in her face like this.

She kept scrolling through Instagram as she sat on the floor in the corridor, just outside Shawn’s apartment. She looked at all the pictures and stories from his gig, and noticed how much he was glowing. When he was on stage, he was completely in his element. You wouldn’t be able to tell all the crap his girlfriend dumped on him.

It was almost midnight, and Shawn had told her he would be back by eleven thirty. This is what she gets for trusting men, she sits outside their homes looking fucking stupid. Annalise sighed and picked herself up off the floor just as she heard the staircase door open at the end of the corridor. It’s always right before she decides to leave.

Shawn was surprised to see her as he walked down the hall. He set down his guitar case when he reached the door, giving her a look. “You’re here.”

“I’ve been here for half an hour,” she told him, turning her phone over in her hand repeatedly.

“Sorry.” He pulled out his keys and unlocked the door. “Come on.”

The tension heightened tenfold as they entered the spacious apartment. Even when Shawn set his case aside to pick up Henry the cat from the kitchen counter, it never faltered. They went into the living room, where Shawn placed Henry on the giant cat condo in the corner by the screen door. That was new.

“You know I’m always honest with you,” he spoke, though he kept his back to Annalise, who had taken a seat on the couch.

“Yeah…” she trailed off, her stomach in knots. She watched him scratch Henry’s chin, wondering what the fuck was about to happen.

Shawn finally turned to her and sat on the other end of the L shaped couch. “So, you should know Alessia hit on me-”

“I know,” Annalise said coldly as she folded her arms. “I found out from her.”

Unfazed by the attitude, he continued. “No, I mean, she did it again a couple of days ago. And to be very real with you - apart from the gig I just performed - it was the highlight of my week.”

It was like being sucker punched with a frying pan. She had her mouth open like she wanted to say something, but everything she wanted to say was getting mushed up in one big angry ball.

“Now, before you freak out,” Shawn went on, “I’m telling you this so you know what exactly this separation is doing, and how bad I want it to end. I know we’re not broken up, and I will stay faithful to you, but I feel like I’m single.”

“That’s how you tell me you wanna be with me? By telling me you liked someone else’s flirting?” Annalise asked in disbelief. “So you don’t want me, you want someone.”

“I want you, Ann. And I want nothing more than to go back to the way we were.”

“You said you’re always honest.”

“I am. I don’t want to break up, but I don’t know if you feel the same way. How long more are you gonna keep this up? Everyone and their mother are fucking tired of this separation thing! I’m tired of the two week check ins, and I’m tired of wondering what you’re going to do next!”

Annalise scoffed. “You can’t still want to be with me knowing there’s other girls who want you.”

“It’s only one, Ann.”

“But you liked her advances.”

“Because the girl I love is pushing me away!” he snapped, now irritated.

She glared at him. Was that supposed to be charming? Was that supposed to reel her back in? Annalise sat up in her seat and leaned towards him. “A guy hit on me too, and you know what I did? I broke his fucking nose.”

Shawn put his hands up, confused. “You want me to break Alessia’s nose?”

“No, but I will if she-”

“Okay, okay! You’re going too far now.”

There was a pause. Annalise took a breath to cool herself down, but she still felt like she needed to yell. There was something on the tip of her tongue that she needed to talk about. She tried to remember, but the rumbling in her stomach made itself known.

Shawn noticed the sound and tilted his head. It threw him off so much he lost the angry tone. “Are… are you hungry?”

“It doesn’t matter,” she replied. “It’s after midnight, I can’t eat anyway.”

“When was the last time you ate?” he asked her.

“That’s not what we’re talking about right now.”

“You know you can’t be skipping meals.”

“Stop!” Annalise snapped, her throat suddenly tight and burning. “Don’t worry about me. Don’t scare yourself like that.”

Shawn gave her a look. Then he scooted a cushion closer. “I’m not scared.” When the silence threatened to persist, he asked, “Are you?”

Now she remembered what she wanted to talk about. She changed the subject. “You told Alessia about my health problems.”

The silence came back. Shawn looked down, trying to find the words to say. “If you heard the conversation we were having, you would understand why-”

“No,” she said firmly. “I could understand if it was just the hospital stay, but you told her everything. You told her about my anxiety with food, and you told her my calming mantra, and she threw it back in my face that night at the bar.”

“Okay, I didn’t know she would do that. If I had known, I wouldn’t have said anything at all.”

“You weren’t supposed to say anything to begin with! That wasn’t your thing to tell! I thought I could trust you, but you tell her my business and you let her stick around even though she clearly has feelings for you. How am I supposed to trust you?”

Shawn sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. He knew she had a point, but he was still frustrated. “I’m sorry I told Alessia, but she’s not a bad person. She had a lot to drink that night, I’m sure she didn’t mean it.”

Needless to say, it didn't do any good. Annalise felt herself go red in the face. “Why are you still defending her? Do you have feelings for her?”

“No!”

“So why have you been so quiet this week? You haven’t texted me at all.”

He chuckled, clearly annoyed. “Now you care about that?”

“Answer the question,” she deadpanned.

Shawn scooted a little closer and sighed. “You never answered my texts to begin with, so I stopped sending them. No use talking to a wall.”

That stung a little.

“So you do like her?” she asked.

“I told you no! How do you - Why -” Shawn cut himself off, rubbing his temples. He was really reaching his limit here.

And so was Annalise. “She hits on you, and brags about it to me. Even when I’m nice enough to give her my bed, she leaves so I don’t see her in the morning. That sounds like someone who’s hiding something!”

“Ann, she was embarrassed because she had too much to drink! Why do you always think everyone’s out to get you?” Shawn asked. Nearly there.

“She’s not out to get me, she clearly wants you! I’ve given her plenty of chances! I defended her in gaming club! I dragged her drunk ass back to campus! And then she goes and continues to flirt with you like she’s won you over! Did you even tell her to back off?”

“Of course I did!”

“You’re a liar!”

“And you’re fucking crazy!”

It was a split second of relief, allowing his pent up anger to truly seep out. But Shawn knew he said the wrong thing as soon as that second was over. He had never seen tears well up in her eyes so fast before. He wanted to take it back as soon as it came out, but Annalise was already standing up.

She decided, yeah, she is crazy. She didn’t choose it. She wasn’t always this way, but it’s how she is now. Her eyes looked down at the floor as the last words rang in her head. Heavy tears streamed down her face, but she didn’t even try to hide it.

Shawn stood up as well, much slower, watching her carefully. “Honey-”

“Don’t!” Annalise raised her voice. Her head shot up, a crazed look in her eyes. “You do not get to call me that! He doesn’t get to call me that, and she doesn’t-” She paused, her voice breaking.

“I’m sorry-” Shawn tried to say.

“That’s all I am to you, right? I’m just some crazy chick you’re seeing, huh?" Her eyes were furious, but so, so sad at the same time.

“No, of course not. It just slipped out, I-”

“If you let it slip, then you were thinking about it! You think I’m crazy too!”

“Ann, please…” Shawn reached his hand out, but she took a step back.

“I’ll break your nose too if I have to.”

"I didn't mean it!" he tried again. "I didn't… Ann, I'm so sorry!"

She shook her head as she went for the door. However, when she opened it, she was face to face with Stella and Camila. The two girls had matching smiles that quickly faded upon seeing a teary-eyed Annalise. She pushed past them and fled the vicinity before anyone could even blink.

The two girls looked back, watching Annalise go, and then they turn to Shawn, who looked quite defeated.

Shawn forgot why Stella and Camila were here, and he really didn't care anymore. He made quick strides to follow Ann, but the girls blocked the doorway.

"What did you do?" Stella harshly asked. "Why was Ann crying?"

"Stay calm," Camila said, rubbing her shoulder. "Seriously though, what happened?"

Shawn was still staring out the door, hoping Ann would come back. Forget how pissed off he was this last week, he needed to make this right. He never intended to make her cry and run away. "I don't have time to explain-"

"If you made her cry," Stella said, "she's not gonna fucking talk to you. So you better tell us what you fucking did."

"We're here to help," Camila reassured.

Shawn ran his fingers through his hair, pacing back towards the living room, and the girls followed. Henry jumped down from the condo and walked between his legs, leaving little tufts of orange fur on his jeans.

"Oh my god, he does have a cat," Stella mumbled. Then she spoke directly to Shawn. "You got about five minutes before my allergies start acting up."

"And another five before Brian and Connor get here with the masses," Camila added. "So you better get talking."

They all took a seat on the couch. Too many things have happened in this room. Shawn took a deep breath.

"It's like she wants me to be cheating on her," he said. "She'll pull something out of thin air and use it to prove something that's not even happening!"

Camila tilted her head. "That's… that's just crazy."

"She was irrational?" Stella asked. Her harsh and defensive demeanor seemed to change.

"That's the word I should have used," Shawn glumly replied. "I told her she was crazy, and that's when she left."

"Well, I'm sure she said things she didn't mean, too. Just let her simmer down," Camila told him.

Stella was frowning, still in thought. Surely the wife/roommate had to have some insight on this fuckery.

"Anything you wanna add?" Shawn asked her. "Because I really don't know what to do now. I've never seen her so angry before, I didn't think she could be set off like that."

"Okay so," she began, sitting on the edge of her seat, "I know I don't talk about her business, because she doesn't want me to-"

"So it's not just me!" Shawn interrupted. "Why does she do that, it's so frustrating! I want people to know who my girlfriend is but she makes it so hard!"

Stella raised an eyebrow. "She makes it hard because people are really goddamn nosy. The way she dresses alone causes strangers to ask really invasive questions, not to mention she is - or was - is... linked to the most popular guy on campus and that's given her attention she never wanted. Imagine if they knew she was on Prozac, which brings me to the theory I was going to make before I was interrupted."

"Sorry," Shawn mumbled.

"Like I was saying, it's her business, but her mental health is important. I could be wrong, but she might be off her meds."

The other two only stared. Could this really be the only explanation?

"How do you know?" Camila asked.

"I don't. But I always hear her pill bottle rattling in the morning," Stella explained. "And now that I think about it, I don't remember the last time I heard it."

"Is there a way you can find out?" Shawn asked. "Can you ask her?"

Stella chuckled in disbelief. "You really think she would answer honestly?"

"What about searching her room?" Camila suggested. "Like, when she's not there."

"Ooh, please?" Shawn put his hands together, looking at Stella. "I need to know if that's why she's so pissed at me!"

She gave him a look. "Dude, she's genuinely angry at you. I mean, you called her crazy. Why the hell would you do that? Besides, it's not that I'm worried about."

Shawn was about to ask to elaborate, but there was a knock on the door followed by several voices out in the corridor.

"I'll make it fast," Stella said. "You two should be close because of the hospital thing, but instead she's pushing you away. She's not excited for Halloween, I'm gonna have to force her into a costume. She skipped game club, and I haven't seen her do any school work lately. And I'm willing to be she's not doing so well at work either.  The last time she was like this, she was going through that break up with that asshole Luca, and I know you're nothing like that guy."

______

taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @1-800-khalid-mendussy @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @poppyshawn @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @yourdeflightfullyleft @shawmndes @calyumthomas @havethetimeeofyourlifee @wronglanemendes @chillingbythesea @softmendesss @someoneunimportantxx