#i rewatched your name recently and decided to make it everyone’s problem

[airabuhan]

your name kohaai au

[slxsherwriter]

Hand Picked

Fandom: Repo! The Genetic Opera

Pairing: Luigi Largo x female reader

Word count: 1,881

Warnings: Cursing, canon typical violence, Luigi being himself, organ repossession

A/N:It had been years since I watched Repo and at the time I had watched it for Anthony Stewart Head. Rewatching it for Bill was an experience. This is a bit of a tease for another fic idea that expands upon the ground work here. I warned you all the Moseley brainrot had set in.

The relative quiet of the office was a stark contrast to the constant noise coming from right outside the building. Then again, in today's day and age, quiet was a rare commodity. The streets were always alive with the noise of the desperate and downtrodden. In most of the city. The few spots where those with wealth resided tended to be a little more quiet. No Zydrate addicts at least.

The quiet was welcomed though, needed even. An opportunity to reset from the long day. Uncommon it was for you to experience the sort of hours that you pulled today and all the trouble that came with it. Ten hours scouring the streets, fighting with those that were terrified at the mere sight of you. Everyone feared the Repo men. Contrary to popular belief, there was more than one of you. With the business that Geneco did and the way that people defaulted on their debts, one man wouldn't cut it. The Largo's would have been out of business a long time ago, despite being one of the only names in the game. The numbers were small, though. And recently, the numbers had gotten even smaller. Down to just two of you now.

Organs already returned to the store rooms, you were simply finishing up a few pieces of paperwork to close the accounts. Dull work really and something that you could have left for someone in a lower position. But, it was those moments that allowed you to calm down from the high of the hunt, recenter yourself back into a controlled semblance of a human being rather than the monster that the public know your masked face to be.

It would be a lie to say that you didn't get some sort of enjoyment out of your job. A fact that you would have ventured to guess when you first started several years ago.

*****************

You didn't come from a family with money, just an incredibly scrappy will to survive in a world where money often meant survival itself. Instead, you had been blessed with intelligence, enough smarts to prove your worth to society and the company that ran the world. Geneco had pegged you for medical school when you were nothing more than a smart mouthed teenager with a problem with authority.

True, your trust in the company had been low. Practically, nonexistent if you were honest. But, it was a chance to get out of the streets, away from the constant fight and scrap. Sure, you knew you were trading one devil for the other, but at least with the opportunity to become a doctor, you may be able to properly make something of yourself. Taking the offer that had been presented on a silver platter, you signed the contract and unknowingly sealed a fate that neither you nor the company could have ever really anticipated.

School had shown your true potential. A skilled, deliberate hand and the ability to not only quickly pick up information but react to it as well had all of the professors singing your praise. Top in the class, across the board. Of course, those at GeneCo were kept aware of the process that you made, like they were each and every student who signed a contract with them. Apparently.it was enough praise that two of the Largo's themselves decided to come and assess your value when you closed in on graduation.

The first time that you met Luigi, you had been standing over a fresh cadaver, ready to give a presentation as part of a final project for one of the last graded classes you were taking. Rotti stood beside him, both in watching you with an intent that bordered on dangerous, making you feel like the piece of meat that was laying on the table before you. But being under pressure had always forced you to perform well. Dissecting away flesh and muscle with ease, you began to show the proper method for organ removal to allow them to potentially be used by the company. Not for resale exactly but for the scientists that were making continued improvements on them. The entire thing took half the time it took several other students once they came up to attempt the process themselves, a fact that you snickered about to yourself.

It was only when you were washing the blood off of your hands that Luigi approached. Rotti had chosen to speak with the attending surgeon who taught the class rather than you right off the bat.

"Not half bad with a blade…" You looked up from the station you were at, a kind smile plastered to your lips. The last thing that you needed to do was piss off the man before you.

"I appreciate the kind words, Mr. Largo." It even sounded level, and you gave yourself a quick mental put on the back for it. The words seemed to amuse him rather than piss him off another win. Up close, you could appreciate the blueness of the man's eyes. They didn't seem unnatural. While GeneCo was very good at what they did, it was going to be your job to know the difference. "You and your family, your company, has been more than generous in putting me through school. The least that I can do is make sure that the debt is repaid in full, to the best of my ability." There seemed to be something else on the tip of his tongue, but before he could speak any further, he was called away by his father. The senior Largo didn't approach, seemingly having nothing to say to you at the moment. That suited you fine.

Of course, you had no way of knowing that the wheels had been turning in the man's head after seeing your presentation. Graduation came and went, with another contract signing, this time for employment. Wages were garnished some to make up for what had been paid out to send you to school. That was fine by you since it made life easier. One less thing to worry about. That was how you looked at it. It also brought you back into contact with Luigi. Apparently, he was the one that helped manage accounting and financing.

The Gentern that had been there to help was a bumbling fool of a woman. Clearly new, she couldn't keep her face neutral, nor could she actually do her job as every paper that they had needed wasn't present. When Luigi shoved the knife into her gut and tossed her carelessly to the side. You blinked before pointing down to the body.

"You want me to salvage what I can from that? Before they are no good?" He blinked, seemingly caught off guard by your lack of reaction. It pulled him from the mess of anger that had overtaken him. "I imagine that the intestines are punctured, but the liver, stomach, and obviously any organs in the upper torso would be fine." This was the way of the world. You couldn't afford to blink at death. Especially working for this company and around the family that owned it. All the body was now was a sack of meat with some useful parts.

"Yeah, go take care of that. We will meet in a couple of hours, and I'll have someone less incompetent this time. And we will be negotiating new terms of employment." There was a bit of a growl to the words, showing that the simmering rage was still there. But there was something else in the look. A heat that made a shiver run down your spine. Well, that was interesting. You were wordlessly helped by another Gentern that appeared, giving you time to think over your own reaction. Luigi was a good looking man. There was no denying that. But he couldn't possibly be interested in you. Nol-when he had women hanging off of him all the time, well, mainly the Genterns, but they still counted. Plus, he could really have anyone he wanted.

**** **** ****** ***

The sound of the door to your office slamming open pulled you from the memories. Your start at GeneCo was definitely something unique. No one else had been set on the path that you had but you didn't mind in the least.

"For fuck sakes woman, are you planning on being in this damn office all fucking night?"

"Hello to you too, Luigi," you greeted him, a smile coming to your face and amusement tinging the words. He paused at the edge of the desk before plopping right down on the corner.

"Fifteen repossessions today. Maybe I should piss you off more often. Clearly, it's good for business." There was a playful edge to the words as he looked through the few files that remained on the desk. He would have kept up with your long day, the smug bastard that he was. Probably wanted to see how the argument from that morning affected you. Even through it, you couldn't help but smile, not feeling an ounce of frustration over the reaction. "You ready to go home?" You stretched your legs out under your desk, debating if you were going to try and make him sweat it out a bit. Not that he really worried over much besides acquiring GeneCo.

"Yeah, I am. Are we ordering in tonight?" You pushed up only to have him wrap an arm around your waist and pull you close. Resting against his side, you waited for the next response from the man, unsure where this was leading right then and there. Luigi was unpredictable even to you. Dating for the better part of three years or not, his temper often made him react in unexpected and unanticipated ways. But even outside of anger, he wasn't the easiest to read.

Sure, to some degree, your relationship had curbed some of that volatility. But, Luigi would always have a temper. The outlets that you had come up with only went so far. That didn't count the times that perhaps you encouraged it a little, at the very least agreed with the actions. Sometimes, people made it really easy to remember that most of the population was a bunch of idiots.

Not another word was said as his lips pressed against yours. Ten plus hours was probably the longest time that you had spent apart in recent weeks. As busy as you had been, you would be hard pressed to say he hadn't been on your mind. Add to that the fact that he did often like to watch you work, and today had been a challenge in far more ways than simply a long day.

"Shame you didn't save any of them for a show…" The words came murmured against your lips, his barely parted from yours.

"I guess we'll just have to skip the foreplay tonight then." His hand began to slide downwards sIowly, lips twisting into a far more egear smile. "Or we can head out and see who else may just have defaulted on payments…"

"That's my girl. The rest of that paperwork can be done by some useless fuck we are paying to do some job they likely aren't doing correctly. Can all be handled tomorrow. Let's get the fuck out of here."

[koiiiji]

no one asked but I wanna tell stuff abt me other than my name💗 Im a girlboydudeperson in south asia and its BURNING. I like to read webtoons (even though ive only read a few) and I used to watch some anime back then, my fav would be Kamisama Kiss. Hmmmm I like to draw too and I have adhd😥 I want to interact a lot with many people but im shy so😰 Im here to be friends with everyone plsplspls

-The loveliest 🪷 Anon

also goodluck on ur exam, if this would make u feel better I got a 15/60 on my history test👎

hii hii!!

don’t worry, i like interactions and random stuff about you guys🫶🏻😌

actually kinda jealous that ur weather is warmer, bc past two weeks decided to be freezing cold here and i literally put hoodie on to sleep🥶

kamisama kiss are cool, but i would go with bleach or fire force, rewatched it both recently and i think it’s my comfort anime!! about interactions actually, i think since you interacting anon it may be more comfortable, so don’t be shy, i think tumblr community is more kind and supportive than any other platform!

thank you for your support about exams, i have some problems with uni now, so your support is important, since i don’t speak about my problems to friends/fam idk why honestly, maybe some psychological issues or something, but i always appreciate your support here😌🎀💞💗

[sturchling]

First off I love your Miraculous Ladybug fics. Also I don't know if you are a Black Butler fan or not. But if you are could you please do a fic where Lila causes a that destroys Marinette's home/bakery, which kills Marinette's parents and severely injures Marinette. While in the hospital recovering Roland finds out what Lila did and talks with Gina, both recently have been diagnosed with cancer and want to make sure Marinette is taken care of when they die. Gina or Roland remember a story told to them by a descendant of the Phantomhive servants (In this fic it follows season 2 with Sebastian being able to get Ciel's memories back before Claude tried to brainwash him and was able to eat Ciel's soul) (either from when Gina was in traveling in England or someone who Roland's father knew during WWII) about a demon who acted like a caretaker for a child in the late 1800's. They both decide to sacrifice themselves so Marinette can be cared for. One summons Sebastian the other summons Claude. The terms of the contract are simple, in exchange for eating the soul of the person who summoned their specific demon the summoned demon would care for Marinette, act as her guardian, help her achieve her dreams, and care for her, her husband and their children until Marinette passes away from old age. The contract is accepted with both demons. While caring for Marinette it becomes sort of a contest between the two demons of them trying to out do each other in different ways (if Claude gets her multiple roles of different color spider silk fabric, Sebastian "accidentally" gets Marinette introduced to several high ranking nobles ["Hello, my ancestor worked for your ancestor's peer. What a small world. Might I introduce you to my ward?"] that become her clients. Due to the two demons' shenanigans Lila gets exposed, the Butterfly and Peacock are recovered, Adrien's mother is awakened, Marinette gets some real friends (Will, Ronald, Grell, and the Undertaker got reincarnated and regain their memories after a while) and falls in love with her future husband (either Will, Ronald, or the Undertaker. The only reason I don't do this fic myself is I can't write Black Butler characters even though it's one of my favorite animes.

Sorry this took so long, I wanted to try my best to make the characters accurate, so I had to rewatch some of the show. I hope I did good, but I am pretty rusty, writing these characters. But I tried my best! Hope you like it!

Lila was getting more and more dangerous. She didn't just want to ruin Marinette's social life anymore. Now she wanted to ruin her entire life, or even end it. One night, when everyone was asleep, Lila broke into the bakery and started a fire. She made sure that it would spread to the upper floors and then she raced from the building before she was spotted.

The fire spread quickly and soon the entire building, bakery and the apartment were completely engulfed. Marinette woke up to the smell of smoke and Tikki yelling in her ear. Despite the kwami screaming at her to leave the apartment, Marinette raced down to her parents room, to see if they had gotten out, but the door was blocked by debris falling from the ceiling. The thick black smoke was choking Marinette as she tried in vain to get to her parents. By the time Tikki managed to convince Marinette that they had to leave, Marinette was severely burned on her arms, legs, and back. As she blindly felt her way to the exit, a now exposed wooden beam in the ceiling, came crashing down, landing on Marinette's legs. With her legs pinned and unable to move, Marinette passed out. Thankfully firefighters had already been called and pulled Marinette from the flames before it was too late. On lookers from the neighborhood watched in horror as the bakery went up in flames. Once the fire was put out and Marinette was sent to the closest hospital, the firefighters went into the apartment and found Tom and Sabine. They had died in their room, unable to get out because of the debris blocking their door.

The next morning, the whole city seemed to be grieving. Tom and Sabine were well loved people in the city and everyone was distraught over the loss. But no one was more distraught than Marinette and her grandparents. Roland and Gina heard about the fire early that morning and were horrified to learn that Tom and Sabine were gone. But their one piece of solace was that Marinette had survived. They both raced to the hospital and comforted their granddaughter. But they had a bigger problem. Both Gina and Roland were getting older, now both in their late 80's. Both of them also had several severe health conditions and likely wouldn't be around for much longer as it is. And then who would take care of Marinette? That is when Gina remembered a story she had heard when she was in England. A story of two boys in the Victorian era who had made deals with demons, and those demons took care of the boys. Soon after, both boys' souls were eaten by their respective demons. As much as Gina and Roland didn't want to leave Marinette, they thought that this was the best thing for her. The only way to know that she would truly be cared for.

That night, after they left the hospital, they summoned the demons the same way as in the story Gina heard. The room became dark with shadow and two voices spoke from the darkness, asking the two elderly people why they had been summoned. "We summoned you to make a deal. Our granddaughter has recently lost her parents and we likely will not be around much longer as it is. We heard stories about how you two cared for two boys in the Victorian era in exchange for their respective souls. In exchange for our souls, we want you to take care of our Marinette. To help her achieve her goals, protect her, and care for her until she dies. Both demons agreed to the deal. After all, they had already cared for children before, so they had the skills to do it, and the souls of these two people who would willingly do this for their granddaughter would be nice to have. With the contract sealed, Gina and Roland wrote in their wills that Marinette was to be cared for by Sebastian and Claude, claiming they were old family friends. They also took the two demons to meet Marinette, so that Marinette would at least meet the two before they began caring for her. Once the legalities were taken care of and Marinette had met the two, Sebastian and Claude took their payment and Gina and Roland died.

Marinette was overcome with the grief of not just losing her parents, but now her grandparents as well. Sebastian and Claude, who her grandparents had recently introduced her to, were declared her guardians and began watching over her. Roland had left Marinette his house, so she had somewhere to live. While Marinette began to settle into the new normal of her life, Sebastian and Claude got to work on the first order of business. They were going to get justice for Marinette's parents. They knew that the fire was not an accident and that someone had set it on purpose. The evidence was obvious, but the police were stuck. They didn't know who did it. But Sebastian and Claude quickly learned that it was a girl named Lila who had been tormenting their charge for years now. All they had to do was phone in an anonymous tip to the police about the girl, and the police searched Lila's apartment. Mrs. Rossi kept sayin this was a mistake and her daughter couldn't have done this, but the police soon found evidence of her involvement, including the accelerant used at the bakery. Lila was confused, sure that she had gotten rid of it all. But Lila was arrested quickly, as a crowd had now grown outside of her apartment building. Several members of Mrs. Bustier's class were there and saw Lila being dragged out in cuffs. As Paris looked on in horror at the arsonist that had killed the Dupain-Chengs, no one noticed the shadow like figures standing to the side, smiling coldly at the scene.

They also quickly figured out that Marinette was Ladybug and even figured out that Adrien was Chat Noir when he came over to check on Marinette. They learned this by sensing the souls of the kwami. Since the kwami's souls are obviously not human, and Marinette kept disappearing during the akuma attacks, it didn't take long for the demons to be sure of their suspicion that Marinette was Ladybug. After confirming this, they felt that defeating Hawkmoth fell under their duty of caring for Marinette so they set out to find out who Hawkmoth was. They were able to sense the souls of other kwami in the city. They sensed two other kwami in Adrien's house. With only two kwami present in the house, they were certain that this was the location of Hawkmoth. To confirm this, Claude used a smaller version of his demon form to enter the manor and watch the residents of the house. Claude soon saw Gabriel and Natalie transform with the missing miraculous. Now that they had confirmation, it was time to end Hawkmoth.

The two demons began to plague Gabriel and Natalie with nightmares and torment them constantly. In each nightmare, they made it abundantly clear that this was because of their actions as Hawkmoth and Mayura. Soon, Gabriel and Natalie could hardly sleep and were almost driven completely mad. They surrendered to Ladybug and the miraculous were recovered. Gabriel and Natalie were sent to prison for their crimes. When Marinette learned why Gabriel had done everything and what happened to Emilie, she used everything she had learned about magic to help revive her. Sebastian and Claude lent some of their power to this endeavor as well, not wanting their charge to exhaust herself in the attempt. Adrien had his mom back, and the two moved to England to get away from all the trouble Gabriel had caused as Hawkmoth.

With all the major problems in Marinette's life taken care of, Marinette could relax a bit and focus on her fashion. While she thought it was odd that her grandparents had left her in Sebastian and Claude's care, she did think they were doing a wonderful job. They helped to support all her dreams, any way they could. Claude once brought her several different rolls of fabric made from spider silk. This of course, renewed the rivalry between the two demons. Sebastian brought Marinette to England, making the excuse that it was to see her friend. While there, Sebastian made sure to 'run into' the descendants of some old friends. Several nobles and aristocrats found a charming man and young girl in front of them at many parties. The man seemed familiar to them all, especially the older guests at these parties. They were sure they had encountered this man before. When asked if they knew him, the Sebastian always responded with "My ancestor worked as a butler for one of your ancestor's peers. He worked in the Phantomhive manor as the butler to Ciel Phantomhive. It truly is a small world for us to meet. May I introduce my charge, Ms. Marinette Dupain-Cheng." Sebastian spent the whole night talking up Marinette's fashion business and Marinette would leave these parties with several more clients than when she arrived.

Claude and Sebastian kept trying to out do each other in their attempts to care for Marinette. Helping her with her designs, getting her fancy fabrics and equipment, even convincing several major fashion magazines to feature her work. As odd as the arrangement was, it did work. Marinette met several new friends, thanks to Sebastian and Claude's interference. She even met the man that she would marry. A man who looked suspiciously like Will, from all those decades ago. As the years went by, even after Marinette was an adult and didn't need caretakers anymore, Sebastian and Claude continued to watch over and protect her, as per their contract. And they would watch over her, for the rest of her life.

[fencesandfrogs]

Hello I recently found out you have been watching a series of unfortunate events and I just. I have so much to say omg!! For now I will settle with, how are you liking the show and who/what are your favorite things about it rn?

eeeee yessss okay

i'd already seen s1 and part of s2 w my family, but i decided to rewatch from the beginning, bc, well.

yeah.

a series of unfortunate events were books i read as a child, like. y'know the way i read the bad begnning and then i'd just grab whichever were free and settle in for an hour or so of reading. like. just. picturing their covers reminds me of being in fifth grade and sitting in a chair to read. reading was so escapism for me that i hold all childhood book series close to my chest. (fun fact!: i broke up w someone over them once.) (/j it was complicated but they did technically play a part.)

(aside: i loved anything like that, and just...god i read the bad beginning so many times. i was obsessed w tragedy and so a book series where i didn't have to sit thru to find the bad bits? the punch of knowing that there was always another hit? no happy ending would stick? good shit.)

i'm on s3 rn? i watched the first half of the grim grotto, but the second episode ended up being too much, so a friend found a summary for me, but i haven't been in the Mood for it since then. i might pick it up tonight or tomorrow, we'll See.

i'm really liking the show! i think they managed to capture the tone of the books really, really well. like. damn. that's the way to do it.

y'know how the princess bride movie is completely different from the book? because the book is sarcastic and snippy and they couldn't make it fit a movie so they just cut it?

(aside ii: no shade on the princess bride movie. i love the book and the movie. but you have to understand they're two entirely disparate stories.)

but a tv show has time to do freezes and author speaking to you like that and the narration so a series of unfortunate events gets to breathe and it gets to be told the only way it could be told.

urgh it makes me want to scream into a pillow i'm so happy about how it got told. it just. it feels as much like reading the books did as it could, and that makes me so happy.

so yeah those r overall thoughts.

characterwise...

uhm this isn't characterwise i just want to pause and say i think they're doing a good job w the deaths. that's really hard to pull off in a children's show, but they're doing it. it's very impressive and netflix is really doing well w this series.

okay back to character thoughts.

i've liked most characters tbh. i think everyone is done really well.

count olaf doesn't fit with him in my head from the books, but not in a bad way. like the him-in-my-head was not going to work on tv i'm okay w that change. it's not even a change? it's just a subtle distinction.

i find the baudelaires are...hm.

i don't think of them in the same way i used to, and i know why. part of it is growing up, part of it is, well...

i'm not in the mood to bare my soul in a way you probably didn't expect from a short little ask, so i won't. i'll just say reflection on that part is a little bittersweet.

now you'll have to forgive me because i have a memory problem so names are not my strongsuit, nor is spelling, but i really like the snicket siblings! they're fans. and the um. the woman who made the new madame lulu. i liked her quite a lot.

the quagmire triplets r also favourites. i have a feeling that something i'm having thoughts about atm (wrt violet and what's-his-name's conversation about fires) is going to be resolved later, so i won't say what i think now, lest i invite people to comment/spoil things. but i'm a fan of the three of them. i dunno.

sibling relationships hit me in all sorts of ways.

something that hit me unexpectedly hard was violet's moment when klaus was hypnotized. her "i'm supposed to protect him" just.

violet my beloved.

aaaand i am of course having thoughts about sunny but wrt ep 2 of the grim grotto they went from normal thoughts i'd tell anyone to suddenly and intensely personal so i can't share them BUT know they are there and they are many.

ty for asking!! i love getting asks on main <3333

<3

[luxshine]

The Great Supernatural Rewatch Project - Salvation

I started writting this in the middle of season 13 but RL and work and some mental health issues made me take a step back from fandom in general and well, I was also fearing this would be an unending job since the series JUST.KEPT. GOING.

However, now that the series is done (And omg, what a clusterfuck that was. My tallies are going to go insane if I get there) and thus there’s an ending in sight, I will do my best to finish season 1, and try and get the rest of the seasons in a more timely manner. Say, before they do the inevitable reunion and ignore the last episode completely.

(I’m going to be honest, part of the problem was that Supernatural used to be SO good back then, and when I see the new episodes I weep a bit inside. I can’t believe they were so much better at creating story arcs when they weren’t TRYING to create story arcs)

Of course, now we all know that Dean’s plots in general will not have a happy ending no matter what, and that makes that particular tally bittersweet. But there are STILL people who claim that nope, Dean was never mistreated by the writers and well, Jack damn it, I am not going to let that claim go without bringing numbers to the table. Hopefully, it won’t take me 15 years to finish (Because by then, I would be the only one caring I guess)

In any case, last lap for Season 1 and we begin with Salvation.

General stuff

A specific reason for me having rage quitted this episode in particular for so long: For some stupid copyright thing with Netflix, they don’t have Carry On My Wayward Son as the song for the final recap –at least in Netflix Latam. And Supernatural without Carry On My Wayward Son is no Supernatural. So I had to hunt my DVDs. Then my computer DVD player died. Then I decided to make 5 webcomics at the same time. THEN I decided to start doing illustration works, and three other projects and let’s just say I am a bit of a workaholic and leave it like that as the rest is not SPN-related.

Ahem.

Funny thing about the Road so Far –you know, besides being a LOT shorter than the ones we’re getting now- is that it focuses a lot more on DEAN at the beginning, while if you watch the show, well, we know most of those Dean scenes come from MoW episodes and not the actual mytharc. Another interesting thing is that if one believes those things to be chronological, it makes it as if the Colt had been with the brothers for a lot longer than half an episode, and that Sam’s issue with the visions is not that recent. Edition Magic everyone! Also, omg, they were babies when the series started, and how WEIRD is to see John looking at them with pride and smiling at Dean at some points.

Anyway, the recap and the epicness that is Carry On my Wayward Son ends and we start the actual plot.

Hello Pastor Jim. Goodbye Pastor Jim. And here Supernatural begins the long, long tradition of killing characters who could’ve been useful later on, and more importantly, that could’ve been the boys’s support system later on. While here it’s understandable since we need to show how dangerous and vicious Meg is –ah, irony that in about 8 seasons people will be rooting for her Redemption- it also makes the Hunters kind of useless. I mean, he has all that weaponry and only uses a knife? Sigh. Really, a waste. Pastor Jim as a concept was really intriguing –and I don’t think we’ve heard of any other hunter who was also a priest. Funny, when we have so many demons free now. There’s also the fact that when Pastor Jim claims that she can’t be in the church because it’s hallowed ground, she replies that “That might work with the minor leagues, but not with her” and I wonder… did we ever got a demon that couldn’t enter a church? Because right now out of the top of my head I can’t remember, and yet Pastor Jim was surprised but later no one seems to think it weird there were signs of demonic activity around his body. Another sign that, as engaging as the series was, once we start digging the world building, things fall apart very quickly.

Actually, if I may digress for a bit, here we have the very first look at Supernatural´s second biggest problem: killing support characters that may have been useful lately. Here it is because Kirkpe had this weird idea that Hunting would never be glamorized by the show/fandom and it would be a completely miserable and lonely existence. He also didn’t think that the series would survive past season 2. So, ok, killing the guy we only knew by throw away lines didn’t seem so bad. By season 13 every single recurring character had died at least once –and there were petitions to bring back I think every one of those who haven’t come back- it’s a big problem.

As I restarted writing, I also realized that the mere existence of Pastor Jim and his room of awesome research and weapons creates a problem in the future about the Men of Letters because… ok, so ONE member of the clerigy knew enough about demons and stuff to be a hunter and have THE Hunter as his main contact (John Winchester was sort of a legend back then. And he had also fell out of contact with many others so the fact that he and Pastor Jim were still friendly? Kind of interesting), but what about the rest? Did the Vatican have any contact with the British men of Letters or the American ones? And if so, what the hell did they think when suddenly ALL the Men of Letters disappeared? Ok, so that’s a lot of stuff that doesn’t matter right now as it won’t actually exist until much, much, MUCH latter, but see what I mean when I say that they didn’t plan anything and the lack of a series bible hurts the show more than it helped it thrive? I am realizing right now I could write a whole treaty on the Men of Letters and their non-relationship with hunters ONLY using this cold beginning and the Henry Winchester episode.

But this is not the time for that, so we get our title card and a very, VERY young Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

We move to John who is explaining off camera everything he knows about Yellow Eye´s plan. We can tell it´s not much as he thinks it came out of hibernation and that the whole attacking families is part of a cycle, but back then it was impressive how much he had managed to find out about this demon. We also know that it attacks exactly when the baby in the house is six months old, which brings us to this little jewel:

JOHN It starts in Arizona, then New Jersey, California. Houses burned down to the ground. It's going after families, just like it went after us.

SAM Families with infants?

JOHN Yeah. The night of the kid's six-month birthday. 

SAM I was six months old that night?

JOHN Exactly six months.

SAM So basically, this demon is going after these kids for some reason. The same way it came for me? So Mom's death...Jessica. It's all because of me?

DEAN We don't know that Sam.

SAM Oh really? Cause I'd say we're pretty damn sure Dean.

DEAN For the last time, what happened to them was not your fault. 

SAM Right. It's not my fault but it's my problem.

DEAN No it's not your problem it's our problem!

 Now, in the following seasons we will know that yes, it was ALL about Sam. But right now, the characters and the viewers don´t know that. We know that a lot of families were killed by the demon (That at this point was still “The demon” and wouldn´t become Azazael until later), and that he doesn´t take the children. So… how did Sam leap from “this demon attacks families with 6 month old children” to “It´s all about ME!”? He even ignores that Dean and John lost Mary for his last line, when he decides it´s his problem and not their problem. Also, and this is important for the “Dean is the most awful person to Sam” crowd… Dean immediately tells Sam that no, it´s not his fault. While he could harbor some ill feelings against Sam –and demon Dean, 8 seasons later, will voice them- at this point he is 100% on Sam´s side. There’s also a sideway glance from John to DEAN when Sam claims that everything is about him, and then I wonder exactly why, if John knew all about the fact that the demon chased six month old children specifically, he never resented Sam over it. One would think that given John’s love for Mary and deep desire to revenge, Sam would really be the outcast and the one only treated like a soldier (as he claims he was, but not really as we’ve seen), instead of Dean who was completely blameless in the whole thing.

(Also, this is the first time we see that Azazael´s plan didn´t make much sense IF we believed that Kirkpe had everything planned. But that´s a discussion for another time)

Anyway, John interrupts the argument to explain that while he has no idea what the demon is after (Another thing that later would be contradicted as he knew Sam had powers), but that he has managed to figure out his pattern of attack to the point that it even repeated it for Jessica’s killing (Even if much, much later, we’ll learn that it wasn’t Azazael the one who killed her, and Demons would completely forego the signs when attacking. Have I mentioned I miss the times when the myths made sense?) and the three of them pack up for their first real hunt together as they decide they will save the next baby on the demon’s list, in a town named Salvation.

Important thing to note: when John recites the demon signs, Dean immediately replies “that happened in Lawerence”. He remembers, quite clearly, what happened a week before his mother died even if logistically, at his age? He wouldn’t care nor notice. Sure, he remembers his mom’s death because that was traumatic. But random cow deaths before that? Weird show.

If Sam noticed or not the signs before Jessica died, we don’t know. John is the one who points out they happened.

After two gorgeous road shots where we see John’s truck being followed by Baby (yet another thing we lost, John’s truck. I know we needed to have the guys together all the time, but man, if Sam had inherited it, they would’ve been able to cover more terrain at times, have double the arsenal and maybe not being identified by everyone and their leviathan in season 7, but I digress), and just entering Salvation John stops, obviously spooked by something. As Dean stops behind him, they find out that Pastor Jim is dead, and John got a call from another hunter named Caleb to tell him. They assume it may be the demon they’re chasing, or maybe another demon that was looking for Pastor Jim specifically but that last theory is not very probable.

Here I have to pause to applaud Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s acting, as you can practically FEEL John’s despair at knowing an old friend of him died, and that HE was probably the cause for that death. A Winchester trait, of course, blaming themselves for everything bad that happens in their world, but unlike Sam’s early outburst, here it seems far more desperate. Of course, JDM had a lot more experience than Jared at that point, but I really wanted to make a note of it because we lost a LOT of that characterization for John, where he actually WORRIED about people and not just the hunt. Even as he decides the plan for finding out what baby the demon will take in a week, we can see him broken and confused. So much that while Sam calls him “sir” when receiving orders, Dean continues the conversation by calling him “Dad”.

John then declares that this ends now, obviously feeling responsible for what happened to his friend. A long shot from the flanderized man we’d hear about in future seasons who was infamous for letting his hunting partners die without so much as a second glance.

Also, and not to be mean to the writers, but in their endless accidentally making Sam unsympathetic, they made him say that there were too many children in the county that could be a victim and that it would take forever to check all of them. While I KNOW the intent was to make clear that they had a deadline of one week, it comes out weirdly as “I don’t want to do the footwork.” Seriously, writers should be careful with that.

Actually, let’s dissect that. Because I just thought of two ways they could’ve fixed it AND give us more info.

JOHN Now we act like every second counts. There's two hospitals and a health centre in this county. We split up, cover more ground. I want records. I want a list of every infant that's going to be six months old in the next week.

SAM Dad that could be dozens of kids. How do we know which one's the right one?

JOHN We check em all that's how. You got any better ideas?

SAM No sir.

So, first way to make Sam not look that bad: Give the line to Dean. I wouldn’t like it specially, but hey, he’s the sidekick, not the hero, and so far he has only wanted to bail on ONE hunt because he wasn’t sure it was a supernatural hunt so he’d be better standing than Sam in that regard.

Second way: Make Sam say that YES, he has a better idea. Because the brothers ALREADY faced Max, so he could say they could look for a baby that was a bit “strange”, like, with poltergeist stuff going around. John could not believe him, but at least Sam would be being proactive.

In any case, they separate as John planned and we see each of them get into the hospital records. We get a glimpse of John’s collection of fake IDs, that include one for a Morgue forensic doctor, then Sam getting a homely nurse giving him files and him taking notes, and Dean… getting flirty with a very hot nurse.

And I make a point of the “Oh, look, Dean is an irresponsible womanizer” trope because once again the writers shoot themselves in the foot by showing the opposite of what they were telling (And no, this time I can’t blame it on Jensen’s acting and refusal to look at his female co-stars without respect).

WOMAN Hi. Is there anything I can do for you?

DEAN (smiling) Oh God yes.

She smiles and looks down.

DEAN (Holding up his ID) Only I'm uh....working right now, so...

The writers here make us remember that a) Dean is AMAZINGLY charismatic, as the woman IS flattered and seems interested, and b) That he will NOT dump his work for a quickie. We don’t even get a “maybe later” that could make him look as if he was really into her. It’s just that he flirts naturally, or at least, this is what we can infer now, as so far he hasn’t had any one night stand fling. The one time we saw him have a sexual encounter in the middle of a hunt was with an ex-girlfriend.

And again I have to wonder what was Sera Gamble’s intention with those scenes as yes, this was written by the same team as Faith, another episode where Sam’s good intentions tend to have a darker side, and gave Dean some amazingly cool scenes.

We don’t know what Dean says to the woman, as we cut back to Sam, coming out of the hospital just in time to have a very convenient vision of a woman, a nursery and a fire. Thankfully, the vision also comes with the useful audio hint of a train passing by, so Sam gets out his map and starts checking where that could be, which leads him to the house in his vision.

And by this point, we know we’re in the right track and this is an important Myth Arc episode, because Sam only has multiple visions in Myth Arc episodes, and he has one the moment he steps in front of the house in said vision. The gods of convenience smile upon him as right then and there a woman pushing a pram comes by, and he manages to talk to her, all friendly like by pretending to having just moved. Then Sam learns the woman’s name is Monica, her baby is Rosie, and Rosie is just six months old, exactly to the day.

Also, that she’s a very quiet baby and that it sometimes seems as if she was reading your mind. Oh, and that Monica really is blind to suspicious men asking her about her family with a face that reads “Oh shit, this is bad”.

Now, HERE is where the whole “five year myth arc” story falls completely. I mean, we already knew it was pretty unlikely it was real, given Kirkpe’s original interviews, but the mere existence of Rosie contradicts every single future story beat. Because if SHE has powers before Azazael goes into her house, then it means that the babies he was hunting didn’t get powers because of him, just that his blood either connected them (hence Sam’s very specific visions), made said powers far more powerful (quite likely), or made them a little bit more prone to violence/prideful behavior. All of those possibilities match with the plan of “raising” a new King or Queen of Hell, that would be faithful to Azazael, but are a bit iffy on the “finding Lucifer’s vessel” thing. Especially since we later learn that the Angels were also helping, and all Hell knew that Lucifer’s vessel HAD to come from the Winchester/Campbell bloodline due to Cain and Abel being the roots of said bloodline, and later pretty much everyone knew Sam was Lucifer’s vessel so the whole targeting a ton of kids, in particular after Mary’s death, is kinda weird.

Oh, Lux, you will say, it is because he wanted to hide his true intentions! No one knew that Sam had been feed demon blood!

Except that the important parties, namely Heaven and Hell, did. Michael had Heaven convinced of his orders, so even if a rogue angel found out that they were speed running the Apocalypse, said angel could be killed. And any demon who was against getting Lucifer back on top would be smart enough to keep quiet so, why the secrecy?

And again, ok, I buy the original demon blood kids being important to “hide” Lucifer’s vessel but… Rosie? What good would it do to Azazael’s plan to have a psychic 4 year old when Lucifer rose? Was “little four year old girl” a good match against a grown up hunter? What was Azazel thinking, if that was the plan all the time?

Now, I want to make clear this doesn’t make THIS episode or the Season-myth arc bad. This original “Boy King of Hell” storyline WAS good. It had a lot of potential, made sense for Sam and since it was before the days of the eternal “What is wrong with Sam?” seasons, there was no boredom of a repeat. It also set a very good question of what made a monster a monster, which would be explored a bit more in Season 2. And it was long before we realized Dean having a myth arc was a pipe dream, so there was no issue there either. It made sense.

But the fact that the writers kind of forgot about everything I just pointed out with Rosie’s scene to try and weld this to the “Heaven vs. Hell” storyline in season 4, and then just promptly forgot because Sam’s powers were then firmly connected to Azazael’s blood so they never came up again and even worse, we never find another psychic kid that could’ve been feed blood by Azazael THIS year that John was chasing him? (Since we know there were no other survivors from Sam’s generation, and later we have a scene that proves that there were no previous generations to Sam’s), it's kind of weird. Personally, I dunno about you, but maybe a return to this storyline in season 6 would’ve been a lot better than we got. Maybe.

By the way, I am not counting the Boy King of Hell story arc as a dropped plot for Sam yet, as we’re going to keep with this at least until season 3. Yes, now we know it didn’t go anywhere, but at the time, and for these episodes in particular, it was THE myth arc of Supernatural. So it can’t be counted as dropped plot yet.

In any case, Sam goes and tells John and Dean about his vision and… oh, boy do we have to move John’s reaction to Emotional Violence.

It’s not good.

But before he can do more damage to Dean’s psyche, Sam gets a call from our favorite demon, Meg. Even if he doesn’t recognize her voice immediately which is weird because a) he did throw her off a window and one would think that makes a girl memorable, and b) it’s not as he knows that many girls who would call him, despite Dean’s best efforts to get him a new girl.

Meg dismisses Sam and asks for John. She makes clear that she is not playing, that she knows he has the Colt and that he will kill every single person who has ever helped John unless he gives it to her that same day at midnight. And to the brothers’ surprise, John accepts those terms (Unfortunately not before we loss Caleb too. I have a lot less interest in Caleb as a character given that he has exactly half a line in the whole show, but it’s still it’s sad to see a guy so defiant even in the face of death go so soon).

Meg also points out that John having the Colt is a “declaration of war” which is interesting as it sort of implies that if he hadn’t gotten it, then the demons would leave him and the brothers alone. And I find that incredibly funny since… no they won’t. And Azazael would’ve been ok if Sam kept the gun anyway, given why they really wanted and once again I am putting holes on the idea that this was planned from the start, aren’t I?

In any case, John declares that Meg is a demon “or is possessed by one” which… ok? First and only time we get the possibility of a demon not using a meat suit. I don’t think this is a mistake, because after all, this is back before the guys faced demons in a normal basis so they could believe that they had their own bodies besides the ones they possessed (And, more importantly, before there was a retcon that made the brothers face and know about demons since pretty much ever). To be completely fair, as much as I love Jimmy and the whole Lucifer arc once it started to make sense… I would’ve been ok if vessels weren’t needed. It added a lot of complications and ended up making the brothers actual serial killers.

Ahem.

After that little gem of wisdom that will be ignored forever, John declares that he will be taking the gun to Meg to avoid more killing and we get another questionable line for Sam. And I am curious as to how to tally it as it’s the opposite of him wanting to leave the hunt, but it’s not that nice either:

DEAN What do we do?

JOHN I'm going to Lincoln. DEAN What? JOHN It doesn't look lilke we have a choice. If I don't go, a lot of people die, our friends die.

SAM Dad, the demon is coming tonight. For Monica and her family. That gun is all we got, you can't just hand it over.

I mean, yes, it is true that the demon is coming for Monica (Well, actually, he’s coming for Rosie, the baby, but I will let that slip pass. Sam is not interested in married ladies), and that with the gun they can kill the demon but it’s not all they’ve got. By this time, Sam has already had his big hero moment when he exorcised a plane in free fall so they could do that, then chase the demon again and then kill it.

But what is jarring is how he hears “a lot of people die, OUR FRIENDS die” and he goes “yeah, whatever, we have a mission to fulfill”.

Which is precisely what later episodes will tell us John used to do, and was the reason why John was not exactly liked by the general hunter population. And at the same time, it’s an eerie reminder of Wendigo, where Sam is willing to let innocents die (his family friends, in this particular case, just as he heard Caleb choke on his own blood) in order to get his way (revenge on the demon that killed Jess. NOT revenge on the demon that killed his mom, since at this point, Sam is still on the “I never knew that woman” train of thought).

Sure, his mind is in the hunt, and that’s commendable because yes, in the long run, killing Azazael would save more innocents (And probably stop the Apocalypse, not that Sam or the writers at that time know it), but it is still strange to see our nominal hero simply not care for his friends’ lives. I mean, at this point WE don’t know about Bobby, so the closest to a parental figure that is not John that Sam had was Pastor Jim and he just DIED.

Worst part is, this could be solved really easy: Just have DEAN be the one who voices the complaint, and have “empathic” Sam mumble that there has to be a way to save everyone (Which, of course, John will mention in a second). It would make Dean look bad, sure, but we’ve been told once and again that Dean never, EVER goes against John plans. Which… not true, ut we will talk about that later. The scene continues, and John declares that he will go to Meg alone, with a fake Colt and while Dean thinks that that won’t work, Sam has a different complaint:

DEAN Yeah but for how long? What happens when she figures it out?

JOHN I just...I just need to buy a few hours, that's all.

SAM You mean for Dean and me. You want us to stay here, and kill this demon by ourselves?

JOHN No Sam. I want to stop losing people we love. I want you to go to school, I want Dean to have a home. I want....I want Mary alive. It's just....I just want this to be over.

And oh, boy. Do this four lines again hold so much weight.

First, once again, Dean seems to be worried for John (logically, he’s their dad), while Sam is making the weirdest line in the universe sort of work because he’s complaining that John is trusting them to kill the demon, something HE wants to do and not four seconds ago was saying they had to do, as if it was John shifting HIS job to Sam. Seriously, I don’t want to think the worst of Sam but when you take out Jared’s acting, the text doesn’t do the younger Winchester’s any favors.

And finally… John’s lines that encompass pretty much Dean’s philosophy in the following seasons. “I want to stop losing people we love” is pretty telling, but what comes next? He actually WANTS Sam to go back to college and not worry about the Supernatural. He actively agrees that Dean doesn’t have a home, and WANTS Dean to have one. It’s as close as love as we’ll see from John to Dean in Season 1, and it hurts. It hurts because we can tell he knows he won’t be there to see it… and now, in hindsight with the finale having aired, we also know Dean didn’t get that. (And to be fair, this is the John who did deserve Heaven. Not the flanderized version we’d get in the future)

Although, ironically, Mary got to be alive again, so… One out of three?

(No, seriously, it’s obvious the writers didn’t even remember this speech when Season 12 hit, much less Season 15)

Ahem.

Dean is sent to get a fake Colt, while Sam and John wait for him. If they talked about anything, we don’t know, but when they exchange guns, Dean voices what we all know is true:

DEAN You know this is a trap don't you. That's why Meg wants you to come alone?

JOHN I can handle her. I got a whole arsenal loaded. Holy water, Mandaic, amulets...

DEAN Dad... JOHN What? DEAN Promise me something. JOHN What's that. DEAN This thing goes south just...get the hell out. Don't get yourself killed all right, you're no good to us dead. JOHN Same goes for you. (There is a long pause) All right listen to me. They made the bullets special for this colt. There's only four of them left. Without them this gun is useless. You make every shot count.

SAM Yes sir.

JOHN Been waiting a long time for this fight. Now it's here I'm not gonna be in it. It's up to you boys now. It's your fight, you finish this. You finish what I started. Understand?

 Again, I wish they remembered all they had to get rid of demons before, you know, killing everyone willy-nilly. I mean, I don’t even think I know what Mandalac IS but hey, John says it works, it works. And once more, Dean gets a line that makes clear he is the empathic, loving brother, when it wouldn’t have hurt Sam to say it. In fact, it would make clear that no matter what, he doesn’t hate John. But nope, Sam only acts like the soldier we’re TOLD Dean is, while Dean makes clear that for him, family is more important than revenge (And boy will that come to bite him in the ass later, not in the series, but in this same episode).

Also, I have to admit. When I started this rewatch, John’s final line was just a good moment for John to start letting go of his anger. Now? After that horrid finale? It hurts so, so much. But it hurts more because I KNOW that there’s no way it was intentional. Obviously, Kirkpe didn’t know the series would last 15 years, and I highly doubt Dabb remembered this scene when writing 15x20. But even so, it ends up being Dean’s epitaph. OUCH.

In any case, the Winchester separate again, and we go into act three. Get ready for the feels.

John Winchester hunting alone is a thing of beauty. Seeing him scope the place, check the water tank and immediately think of a plan? Makes me wish Jeffrey Dean Morgan had stayed longer on the show. Sure, John became an asshole, but in this episode he’s still not that bad, we still have no episodes that make clear he didn’t care for Dean, and wasn’t textually abusive. And I am willing to bet that if JDM had stayed, John would’ve evolved more to be a Bobby-like character. But well, What ifs is not why you came to this meta for.

As John is hunting, the brothers are staking out the house were they know Azazael will attack. And while they talk and decide that they have no way to get the family out (In a nice callback to how none of their excuses ever work) we get to this little gem of an exchange:

SAM I wonder how Dad's doing.

DEAN I'd feel a lot better if we were there backing him up.

SAM I'd feel a lot better if he were here backing us up.

Where once again we see where the brother’s priorities lie, and I wonder why the hell the writers ever thought they were writing Sam as an empathic character.

Because yes, Dean is wishing he could be out there helping his Dad, proving that for him, it has always been about the family. Not the hunting, but the protecting. But Sam doesn’t want to protect John. He wants John protecting Them. And helping them in the revenge hunt, not trying to save others.

Sure, we know the brothers are there to save an innocent mother, but John is also saving a ton of hunters and people who, in the past, were nice and open to the family. And it would’ve been so much easier to make Sam look better if he instead had said “I’d feel a lot better if we hadn’t had to separate” or something like that, that proved he saw BOTH missions were important.

Seriously, I do wonder why the writers made these choices, and I wish someone had asked this at cons.

We go back to John, who, really, Is an amazing hunter even if he is a horrible father. Also, I wonder if he got ordained at a web church, in order to be able to sanctify water. That would be such a John Winchester thing to do, and I do wonder why the boys never did it too. ANYWAY, he hands the gun to Meg, and to her ally that came so that we could have a scene to prove the Colt is fake as the ally shoots Meg.

As John says, Meg was lucky the gun was fake. And once again, I do wonder what the plan was if it WAS the Colt. I mean, Meg was Azazael’s second in command. Why would nameless demon risk killing her? Or did he kinow the gun was fake?

In any case, this makes the moment where we can be 100% sure that Meg’s meat suit 1.0 was dead. I mean, she could’ve survived the fall in Shadow, but a bullet to the chest? No way.

We go back to the brothers, and Sam breaks every single law of a procedural show by giving this great speech about how thankful he is to Dean for everything, and how he needs to say that “in case” something happened.

Dean is definitely not impressed and reminds him that the only one dying today is Azazael.

As we see John temporarily escape from Meg and her muscle boy, we go back to the brothers who see the demon omens start up so they get ready for the final fight.

The brothers manage to save Monica and her baby, despite the very understandable interference from Hubbard, the husband (I mean, you would not react nicely to two strangers intruding in your house and yelling to your wife to not go into the nursery room), however, before Sam can shoot Azazel, he disappears into smoke (A really interesting question here is, WHY did Sam wait to shoot and then wasted a bullet, but I digress).

Going completely against M.O, Azazael makes the CRIB burst into flames, but fortunately Dean has already gotten Rosie out of it so the brothers escape the flaming house. While Monica cries her thanks, Sam notices that Azazael is still inside, and tries to go after him, but Dean stops him because he is not going to lose his brother to the fire. By the way, I am not counting “Dean stopping Sam from going into a burning building” as “Dean forcing Sam to do something” since, uh, he was saving Sam’s life and it’s something anyone in Dean’s place would’ve done.

At the same time, we see John getting captured by Meg and her muscle boy because he didn’t think about getting a third escape route (But honestly? That was pretty much a plot necessity. John was HEAVILY prepared for that fight)

Back in the hotel, Dean is worried that John is not answering his calls, while Sam is furious that Dean didn’t let him kill himself by running into a burning house. They have a nasty fight that mirrors the one they had back in the pilot, but since it IS a fight between the brothers, you know the drill. We’re examining it under Violence.

Once Sam calms down, he tells Dean to try calling John again. Unfortunately, it’s Meg who answers and she tells Dean that they’re never seeing their dad again.

And we get the first “To be continued” for the series (Which to be honest, despite all the little continuity mistakes I mentioned here? Is still pretty epic)

Violence

Well, we had to run out of episodes where the brothers don’t fight each other at some point, didn’t we?

This fight, over Sam wanting to kill himself in his search for revenge, is a very neat parallel to the fight they had back in the Pilot, over Sam NOT wanting to even involve himself in the family’s search for revenge. Which I know it’s supposed to be ironic and a show of character growth since now Dean is the one saying that revenge is not worth their lives but… it falls a little bit flat because the reason why Sam is so gung-ho in killing Azazael is, once again, a very selfish one and the way in he expresses it makes it quite clear. (Again, I do wonder if the writers stopped to think about the implications of Sam only getting really into hunting when it was about him or his losses?)

But let’s start at the beginning:

SAM If you had just let me go in there, I coulda ended all this.

DEAN Sam, the only thing you would have ended was your life.

SAM You don't know that.

DEAN So what, you're just willing to sacrifice yourself, is that it?

SAM Yeah. Yeah you're damn right I am.

DEAN Well that's not going to happen, not as long as I'm around.

This right here? Is a nice summary of the relationship of the brothers for the whole series. Sam wants to do something stupid, like, say, running into a burning building, Dean is there to stop him before he hurts himself.

Also, let’s make clear the use of first person by Sam. It’s not “We coulda ended this”, as in the family ending the hunt, but “I coulda ended this”. Again, at this point, not something that is a problem, but considering hindsight, we can see how the writers are completely invested in SAM as a sole main character, and write him as such, while Dean is more of the sidekick.

In any case, the argument continues, still not escalating to violence.

SAM What the hell are you talking about Dean, we've been searching for this demon our whole lives. It's the only thing we've ever cared about.

DEAN Sam I wanna waste it. I do. Okay? But it's not worth dying over.

SAM What?

DEAN I mean it. If hunting this demon means getting yourself killed then I hope we never find the damn thing.

Important thing how Sam apparently forgot he left for four (two) years and wanted out of the family business, now that he is angry and into the revenge thing. It’s not “You’ve been searching for this demon your whole life”, which would’ve been correct AND a logical counterargument against Dean. Before this episode, Sam was supposedly the brother who understood that revenge was a way of living, while Dean is the one who was Daddy’s little soldier. But here, when it actually would matter to the narrative, it is as if Sam’s wishes for a normal life are completely forgotten and it’s Dean the one who understands that there’s more to living than revenge (Which, btw, is consistent through the season despite everyone claiming that Dean needs Sam to keep hunting. All season, Dean has been giving Sam outs, telling him it’s ok to quit)

And of course, Dean here proves that Sam is more important to him than revenge for his mother, as he is willing to never get to kill the demon as long as his family, his brother in particular, survives.

Poor Dean.

SAM That thing killed Jess. That thing killed Mom.

DEAN You said yourself once, that no matter what we do, they're gone, and they're never coming back.

SAM Don't you say that, not you! Not after all this don't you say that.

DEAN Sam look. The three of us...that's all we have...and it's all I have. Sometimes I feel like I'm barely holding it together man...and without you or Dad....

Unfortunately, script doesn’t quiet convey the scene as there’s a LONG pause between “That thing killed Jess” and “That thing killed Mom”. Enough so that we can believe that Sam is using that second phrase not because he cares (in the Pilot he made clear he didn’t), but to make Dean get on board with the whole “I can kill myself if it means getting revenge” plan. In other words, once again, Sam is weaponizing Mary against Dean, and that is a really nasty habit the younger Winchester never quite shakes out of. Instead, Dean shows how he LISTENED to Sam back in the Pilot and repeats Sam’s words to him on the bridge.

Which is when Sam loses it and pushes Dean against a wall, Dean not defending himself at all, and yells that Dean has no right to say what Sam told Dean the very first hunt they had together after years of separation.

And of course, once Dean mentions their father, Sam starts calming down. NOT when Dean says that he’s barely holding it together, or that he only has them.   Just when he mentions their father who is, in Sam’s mind, the one who can help him get revenge.

The fight ends, but Sam never once apologizes for what he said to Dean, nor for the fight. Which, by the way, contradicts his claim that Dean “always has his back”.

Emotional Violence

Whenever we have John on an episode, we’re going to have to talk about emotional violence and I kind of hate that because on one hand, I get how John could’ve been a very tragic figure that loved his sons but still wanted to avenge his wife, and not being the abusive bastard we know and don’t love that much.

When Sam and Dean explain about Sam’s visions, and how they started as nightmares but have grown in intensity, his reaction is quite subdued, but clear. He is not happy, but the problem isn’t the visions –for a man obsessed with the supernatural, his outward reaction to his younger son being a psychic is quite calm- but that they didn’t inform him of what was going on:

JOHN All right. When were you going to tell me about this?

DEAN We didn't know what it meant.

JOHN All right, something like this starts happening to your brother, you pick up the phone and you call me.

DEAN dumps the coffee jug and cup back on the counter and strides toward JOHN.

DEAN Call you? Are you kidding me? Dad I called you from Lawrence all right? Sam called you when I was dying. I mean, getting you on the phone? I got a better chance of winning the lottery.

JOHN You're right. Although I'm not too crazy about this new tone of yours, you're right. I'm sorry.

And let’s be clear, John’s anger is not directed at Sam, it’s directed at Dean. “Something like this starts happening to your brother” is not “Something like this starts happening to either of you”. Which is also a show of how good an actor JOHN is in universe because WE know that he knew. Missouri TOLD him point blank that Sam was powerful and that he could have known that John was around during the Home episode. But here, he acts as if this was news to him when he could ALSO have told them what to expect if that happened. (Mind you, I am assuming that Sera Gamble knew or remembered about Home’s script when writing this and didn’t just forget or was unaware that John was supposed to know)

Now, all season, Sam has been complaining and yelling about how John doesn’t answer their calls, doesn’t seem to care what’s going on with them. So it’d be logical and in character for Sam to say something here. But instead is DEAN, Dad’s little soldier, the one we’ve SEEN obeying John without question finally have enough and talk back to his father with some truths. And it’s VERY interesting that his first complain is not that John didn’t care that Dean almost died, but that he didn’t reply when Dean called from Lawrence. One could almost infer that Dean expected John not to care if Dean died, but was honestly hurt that he didn’t care about a case that could’ve involved MARY.

John, surprisingly, sort of agrees. He does say “I’m sorry”, which makes him the Winchester who is quicker to say those words… but he still manages to make a threat against Dean “I am not too crazy about this NEW tone of yours”.

Making it clear that before? Dean never talked back. And John doesn’t like it when his soldiers talk back.

It makes it hard to believe John ever thought of Dean as his son and makes it very clear why Dean never understood Sam’s confidence that Dean was the favored one.

Speeches and Apologies

I considered not including this particular speech, but then I remembered that Supernatural is ALSO famous for their big emotional speeches, and this is Sam’s first, and also, Dean’s first time listening to someone he cares about give him the “I am saying goodbye because I am going kamikaze” speech and after all the drama in season 15, I guess it’s necessary to do some dissection.

It is important that despite all the things that Sam has done to Dean, the words “I’m sorry” are never uttered here.

SAM Dean...ah...I wanna thank you. DEAN For what? SAM For everything. You've always had my back you know? Even when I couldn't count on anyone I could always count on you. And ah...I don't know I just wanted to let you know, Just in case DEAN Whoa whoa whoa, are you kidding me? SAM What? DEAN Don't say just in case something happens to you. I don't wanna hear that freaking speech man. Nobody's dying tonight. Not us, not that family, nobody. Except that demon. That evil son of a bitch ain't getting any older than tonight, you understand me?

 This is not a bad “freaking speech”. I understand why Dean didn’t want to hear it, because it is like jinxing the mission (And, let’s be honest, it did), but it’s not a bad speech.

Except that, reading it again, it lacks one important part. Sure, Sam thanks Dean for always being there (Forgetting that, at least three times this season alone, he has accused Dean of not having his back and being unreliable. Which will ALSO be a constant theme in the series’s long run), but he never mentions the times HE did things that would be hard to back up. Which, again, I am not counting as a bad thing against him in this precise moment in time, since he is young, in his roaring roadtrip of revenge, and we’ve only know the brothers for a year, but it is the beginning of a series’ long crutch to make us forgive all of Sam’s sins without him actually doing the work to be forgiven.

On the other hand, it all goes to waste a bit later when Sam starts hitting Dean for the horrible sin of not letting him run into a burning building and kill himself so… it’s not really a “thank you for having my back” speech but a “You better remember, you never fight me and my choices are the best” speech in hindsight. Which… not good on Sam, no.

Double narrative standards

This episode is kind of balanced, except for that little moment where we’re supposed to think Dean is wrong for telling Sam that revenge is not worth their lives. So there’s not much to write in this particular segment.

Final Tally

Ok, back in the saddle. And after all that, I decided not to tally Sam’s little slip about not caring if their loved ones die as long as he gets to kill Azazael. Let me know if you disagree.

The count is still not good on Sam’s side, but as always, you are free to disagree with me, and dm me if you think I missed a tally or I should change one. If your argument is solid and canon based, I will listen to it and may change the numbers.

Numbers (or the TL;DR summary)

(Episode/Total so far)

Times Dean has lied to Sam or to a loved one: 0 / 0

Times Sam has lied to Dean or to a loved one: 0 / 3

Times Dean has been caught in a lie: 0 / 0

Times Sam has been caught in a lie: 0 / 1

Times Dean has hit Sam in anger: 0 / 1

Times Sam has hit Dean in anger: 1 / 4

Times Dean's lies or secrets have caused someone's death: 0 / 0

Times Sam's lies or secrets have caused someone's death: 0 / 1

Times Dean has abandoned (Or wanted to abandon) a hunt in the middle for his own needs: 0 / 0

Times Sam has abandoned (Or wanted to abandon) a hunt in the middle for his own needs: 0 / 7

Times Dean forced Sam to do something: 0 / 0

Times Sam forced Dean to do something: 0 / 7

Secrets kept by Dean: 0 / 1

Secrets kept by Sam: 0 / 2

Times Dean has blamed Sam for something: 0 / 0

Times Sam has blamed Dean for something: 1 / 4

Times Dean has apologized with words to Sam: 0 / 3

Times Sam has apologized with words to Dean: 0 / 2

Times Dean has respected Sam's boundaries and/or rules: 0 / 7

Times Sam has respected Dean's boundaries and/or rules: 0 / 0

Times Dean hasn't respected Sam's boundaries and/or rules: 0 / 0

Times Sam hasn't respected Dean's boundaries and / or rules: 0 / 13

Times Dean has made fun of something Sam does or has: 0 / 6

Times Sam has made fun of something Dean does or has: 0 / 31

Times we focus on Dean's needs: 0 / 1

Times we focus on Sam's needs: 1 / 6

Arc episodes dedicated to Sam: 1 / 7

Filler episodes dedicated to Sam: 0 / 6

Arc episodes dedicated to Dean: 0 / 0

Filler episodes dedicated to Dean: 0 / 4

Arc episodes dedicated to both brothers (or to none): 0 / 2

Filler episodes dedicated to both brothers (or to none): 0 / 2

Dean's Dropped Plotlines: 0 / 1

Sam's Dropped Plotlines: 0 / 2

[germygilbert]

The Problem With Klaus

So, TVD has been a part of my life for a very long time. I watched it first when I was sixteen years old, shortly after the show had ended. And the show is not without its problems, stemming partially from technical problems like plot holes and whatnot, and partially from more serious problems like race (the show's treatment of characters of color is a battle for another day)

And recently, having rewatched the whole series with my girlfriend, I noticed that the problem I had four years ago when I first watched it had not dissipated, in fact with my more nuanced understanding of storytelling, it seems to have gotten more glaring.

Klaus's whole character arc is a cold sore on a gallery of incredibly compelling and nuanced characters. I mean no hate towards klaus stans, in fact, I think Klaus deserved better. If not a better redemption arc, a better villainous reign.

Everything about his buildup is absolutely fucking pitch perfect. He establishes himself as utterly terrifying without ever appearing on screen. There were multiple villains in season one, all pretty gnarly, and the most menacing was by far Katherine. Katherine not only could manipulate others like nobody's business, she had spies all over mystic falls. she was smart, cunning, and always one step ahead.

And she was fucking terrified of Klaus.

Katherine is a character who, by all means, doesn't seem like she would be afraid of anything. She's managed to cheat death by most everyone she's come across, most everyone she's come across wishing she was dead. and she's scared. This is a very good way to establish that he's a bigger and badder villain than she's ever been, and that in turn terrifies the audience. Because Katherine forced Jenna to stab herself, who knows what Klaus could be capable of.

His brother is scared of him. Anyone who knows his name is scared of him.

And then he shows up, and something happens. He's not scary. He's a wretched little thing, more vile than an animal turned inside out, he commits horrible acts. but he's not menacing. You know that he wants to kill our main cast but there's no pizzaz about it. No drama to it. Katherine was always fun to hate. Kai was hysterical. Julian was utterly terrifying. Alex got under your skin and stayed there. But Klaus, at least comparatively, was close to nothing in terms of charm and showmanship. His motivation was clear, that's always good, but he had no hook.

His motivation was family. Which is a noble and compelling motivation for a villain to have. Katherine wanted love. Kai wanted power. Klaus wants family.

One of his most vile acts, the end of season two, he forces Stefan to drink bags and bags of blood. it's an extremely upsetting scene to stomach, especially for addicts and friends and children of. He forces Stefan to relapse as an aid for his plan. He forces stefan to turn his emotions off for his own amusement later. It's gross, reprehensible, but it's not a calculated villain move. it's a spur of the moment one. He knows the Stefan that he once knew doesn't want to be drinking buddies anymore, and he can't stand this so he drives Stefan to the brink, removes his quality of life, just for fun.

We see rebekah. We see their backstory. He, whos ultimate motivation is family. tells Rebekah she is pathetic for loving too easily. He tells her she's worthless. In New Orleans, we see him offer Rebekah an ultimatum. Stefan or him. It's an illusion of choice that he gives his baby sister, who's only ever loved him. And Rebekah, who's only ever known love and devotion as fear, her father, her mother, her brothers. Slammed doors. screaming about how they know what's best for her, is thrilled with the option to choose her own fate.

She chooses wrong. She picks Stefan. And instead of begrudgingly let her go, he stakes her, forcing her to miss out on a century of her life. She mentions having run from him until she came to her senses. What was that development like? Did she choose him over fighting, petty squabbles? or did she meerely decide that it was worth being controlled to remain alive?

The hybrids are another example. They are said to be his family. Let's look over that familial bond, shall we? He turns them against their will. They are sired to him, compelled to follow his every whim. And when they break that bond, he murders them. Cuts their heads off, rips their hearts out of their chest. He doesn't even entertain the idea that they might want to stick around even without their sire bond, and he doesn't care.

Because it's not about family. It's not about equal partnership. It's about control.

Klaus stabs Caroline and is ready to let her die until she throws out some schlock about love and redemption. We're supposed to buy he saves her because he loves her. He puts her in danger, the woman he supposedly loves, because she won't do what he wants.

We get the scene where he heals Caroline from the illness that he caused, on a whim might I add, and a scene where stefan nobly says we've all done horrible things. And then suddenly the narrative simply begins believing that he's suddenly one of the good guys with little to no narrative effort! Easy!

He controls Tyler for loving the girl he does. For ruining his family.

The conclusion of this arc, for the most part, is him going to New Orleans. And he's not upset that witches have been outlawed because it's morally repungeant to try to control them, He is upset because he himself has lost control of the city. When Marcel ruthlessly kills a witch,he's not upset because he killed a witch for doing magic. He's upset because he "wanted to talk to her"

And why does he save Haley? Again, not because it's the right thing to do, but because she's carrying his child. Who he says will be an heir to his throne.

One of the last times we see Klaus is when he shows up, has sex with Caroline, and leaves again. She decides to fuck him for undisclosed reasons. She finds him hot. That's all. Not only is this utterly out of character for her, it makes no narrative sense.

Tyler is understandably furious. he lists Klaus's atrocities back to back, at the top of this list being the fact that Klaus killed Tyler's mother.

These atrocities are never addressed or narratively dealt with. At least, not in TVD.

Klaus confuses love for control and fear, emotional manipulation. He's narratively rewarded for this.

And his arc, his character, after all the hype and narrative weight it was given, deserved better.

[eternalglitch]

Like Father Like Son: Chapter 1

Prologue

Arc 1: Chapter 1

“Ha! Your loss, brother,” Donnie crowed, holding up the complete popsicle stick with a flourish.

Read it on HERE on ao3.

Chapter Specific Warnings: no specific ones (please see the general ones listed in the prologue) 

Chapter One: a Night Like Any Other

“Ha! Your loss, brother,” Donnie crowed, revealing the last complete popsicle stick with a flourish.

Leo glowered at the half of a stick that was left in his hand, his brow furrowed as he stared at the stick like it would give answers as to why it had betrayed him so. “Why did we switch to drawing sticks for pizza runs? What ever happened to a good old game of rock-paper-scissors?”

“Mikey kept losing,” Raph said, already fishing one hand around inside of their collective pizza fund’s jar. “So I figured this would be a little more… fair.”

Mikey, perched on the table next to Raph, rubbed the back of his head, his cheeks flushing a bit as he looked to the side. Raph patted him encouragingly on the head as he pulled his other hand back out of the jar, counting up the coins in his palm.

“Fair? How is this fair Donnie clearly cheated!” Leo complained, jabbing an accusatory finger in Donnie’s direction. “Look at that- that look on his face! He clearly did something!”

“I would never.” Donnie crossed his arms, raising one of his sharpie eyebrows in mock hurt. “And, really, Nardo? You were the one holding the sticks at the start. How would you propose I even did that? Where is your proof?”

“Well, what about ordering it in? What ever happened to that?” Leo pressed, waving his hands around in large, dramatic motions.

Mikey swung his feet forwards as he slid off of the table and landed on his feet with a small bounce. “It’s a pickup special night!” he said. “We get two whole pies for the price of one!”

“And so, of course, we ordered four,” Donnie deadpanned, typing something into his wrist watch. “Now, if you please, I estimate the pizza will be out of the oven in exactly eighteen minutes based on the last twenty times we ordered it, so be on your way now. Shoo shoo, go go.”

“But- couldn’t April-“ Leo kept trying, but Raph pried open Leo’s right hand and pressed the change into his palm.

“C’mon, Leo, the pizza’s gonna get cold. We did this fair and square.” He stared at Leo, putting on his puppy eyed pleading face, and Leo couldn’t exactly say no to that look, now could he.

Leo sighed loud enough to make sure everyone heard it, but tucked the money away in his pouch. “Fine,” he grumbled. Raph patted him encouragingly on the shell as Leo passed by to head for the nearest ladder to the surface. “But I call dibs on the first slice!” he called over his shoulder. He chuckled as he heard a faint “boo” echo behind him.

Leo approached the slightly rusty ladder that lead up to the nearest sewer lid, and glanced up at it. He reached for the first rung but hesitated, considering his options.

“Actually, let’s take a shortcut,” he murmured, unsheathing his sword in one smooth motion. His reflection winked back at him as he drew the sword forwards and started to carefully draw bigger and bigger circles in the air. With a soft crackle, a blue portal snapped into existence, vibrant and brimming with energy.

The only problem was that it was too small for Leo to feasibly fit through it.

“Fine,” he sighed, sheathing his sword. The portal winked out of existence, and Leo started to painstakingly ascend the ladder. “Looks like we’re doing this the old fashioned way.”

It was late, but New York still bustled on, lights making the alleyways and corners appear that much darker. Leo remained there, in that twilight area between the human and the yokai world, with a practiced ease as he ducked into an alleyway and scaled a drainpipe to get to the roofs.

He’d never admit it, but he didn’t actually mind going on these pizza runs. Sure, it was a bother, and he could be watching the Jupiter Jim movie that Donnie had no doubt resumed watching without him right now (of course, Raph would make sure they rewatched the parts Leo missed), but it was sometimes nice to just have some space. The feeling of his feet slapping against the buildings as he jumped from one to the next, the way the moon always looked bigger and brighter at this time… even the distant screeches of the weirdest things New York had to offer, like fake wizards or a small group of mutant silverfish or even that more recent group of flat earthers. It was comforting… it was familiar.

He made it to their favorite pizza place in record time, crouching low on the opposite rooftop as he scoped out the situation inside of the pizza parlor. “Couldn’t just get Hueso’s, could they,” he muttered, squinting as he tried to spy which pizza box set out had their names on it. “Just had to make me figure out how to get the pizza from the “no mutants allowed” area.”

He spotted a stack of four boxes, one with a short word on top that maybe said either Leo or Raph; it was too far away to be sure. “Okay, this time for sure,” he muttered, drawing his sword again.

It was like a video game; wait for the waiter to pass, avoid the chef setting out more pizzas, aim, and… bingo! A blue portal popped up next to Leo and above the pizza boxes. He reached both hands in, fishing around for the edge of the boxes as he squinted against the blinding blue light suddenly right in his face. He felt the edge of the top box and followed it down, snatching the four hot boxes and pulling them against his chest. The portal started to shrink, and Leo threw the money from his pouch into it just before it vanished. They ate here far too often to be banned for dine and dashing.

It was rare to have four pizzas to carry though; normally there was just the one that they all split. Even if it was just paying for two tonight, Leo decided that dad must have been in a good mood. There was no way Raph had enough money for two pizzas stored up, they always ate through their pizza money the second they had any available. Perhaps he was just impressed that his four sons were genetically related to the movie star Lou Jitsu? That was definitely something worth celebrating.

Leo carefully picked up the four boxes, using his chin to press down on them to make sure they didn’t fall. He turned a bit, staring back at the multitudes of roof tops he now had to jump across with precious cargo. The smell of melted cheese was now heavy in the air, and his stomach growled loudly. Leo wilted, slumping over the boxes in his arms. “There has to be a better way to do this,” he said. He glanced at his sword. “What do you say? Two outta three?”

The sword, of course, did not give a response, nor did it apparently feel like going for two out of three. After waving it around and cursing it a lot, Leo had to come to the conclusion that slowly jogging back was the only way to go.

It was painstakingly slow compared to the trip over, and the smell of the pizza made it feel that much more unbearable. Leo was so caught up in making sure his packages were delivered safely, however, that he remained unaware to the presence of two small gargoyles watching him from overhead.

“Hey there!” a voice chirped, and Leo startled, nearly tipping backwards into an alleyway he had just hopped over.

He glanced upwards, eyes flicking from place to place until his gaze landed on what he was looking for. Two small little black bodies, barely held aloft by small wings, greeted him.

Leo squinted at them, perplexed. “Do I know you?”

One of them flew forwards, his sharp little face nearly touching his. “Know us? Of course you know us! We’re Huginn—“

“-and Muninn,” the other added helpfully.

“Right, right. And Muninn,” the gargoyle continued. “And we’re the official henchmen of none other than-“

“Oh, wait, right,” Leo realized. “You’re Baron Draxum’s shoulder pads!” He whirled around, completely missing the slightly offended and proud looks on Huginn and Muninn’s faces as he focused instead on scanning the rooftops while his grip on the pizza boxes tightened.

Was Draxum here? Not that Leo was scared or anything- of course not- but, well, he didn’t exactly dream of fighting murderous mutants by himself.

At this point, Leo realized the gargoyles were still talking, but it was too late to tune in now; if Draxum appeared, he wouldn’t be ideal to fight alone, especially while his stupid sword was on the fritz. The gargoyles had come closer to him now, and were hovering directly in his way. “Sorry, we’ll have a chat later; gotta go!” he shouted, shoulder checking the two gargoyles so they were sent spinning out of his way.

“Hey!” an indignant voice shouted as Leo leaped into the air, scrambling to not drop the pizzas as he dropped and rolled onto the next roof. He ended the roll clumsily on his back, rocking slightly as he skidded forwards on his shell, and had to use forwards momentum to leap back onto his feet. One pizza box slipped and he barely saved it from hitting the ground.

“What, not even a greeting? I thought you’d at least have the decency to stay and exchange a few words!” The voice was right behind him already, and Leo jolted, glancing backwards. Right. They flew, of course he couldn’t lose them so easily.

“Wasn’t he supposed to be the funny one?” the other gargoyle asked from behind him.

Leo started running again, not allowing himself to stop and catch his breath. “Wow, my brothers really ordered rush delivery,” he managed to say in between gasps. He glanced over his shoulder and winced when he saw the two keeping up with his pace. Was he out of shape? No way. It must be him trying to balance four pizza boxes while doing this.

At that thought, his eyes darted back down towards the pizza boxes, and Leo groaned as a very bad idea struck him. “Nooo don’t make me choose,” he whined, legs still pumping as fast as he could go while awkwardly holding everything. “You guys are the worst! Just for making me do this! You hear me?” he yelled over his shoulder at the two pests that were still right behind him.

He grabbed the top pizza box- sorry Raph- and threw it like a Frisbee at one of the gargoyles- Huginn, maybe? Really, they looked kind of the same to Leo. Huginn avoided it, his sharp little face grinning wider than he had already been doing. “Ha, you missed- gah!” He vanished into an alleyway beneath them, this time Donnie’s pizza acting as tribute.

“Haha!” Leo cheered. “Score one for the turtles! Donnie, you owed me for stealing my allowance last week anyways.” His gaze swung to the remaining gargoyle, whose eyes widened.

“Uh,” Muninn squeaked. “Can we maybe talk about this?”

The pizza box hit him in the face, and he tumbled into the alleyway after the other one. Leo paused, leaning over the edge of the building to watch Muninn crash right on top of Huginn, who had been trying to climb out of a dumpster. The force of the fall made the lid swing shut on top of both of them.

“Well,” Leo said, scratching the top of his head. “Talk about taking out the trash.” He glanced down at the remaining box in his hands. It was, not surprisingly, the box with his own name on it. “Aw man, the pizza though,” he groaned. “Maybe I overreacted to two flying rats- er, gargoyles. But they better not make me pay for it. This wasn’t my fault, obviously.” He pondered it for a moment, pacing on the rooftop before the thudding and distant cries of trapped gargoyles made him stop. He crouched down to stare at the dumpster before nodding. “Right. Well, they never need to know about this. If I just say that maaaybe there was like, eight bad guys, or- or maybe even Baron Draxum himself, they won’t even be able to be mad! It only makes sense that I had to make sacrifices!”

“Oh, well, in that case, maybe I can help you out.”

Leo reacted immediately, his hand shooting to his sword’s hilt as he unsheathed it and whirled to face Draxum behind him in one fluid motion. The yokai stared down at him, a smirk on his face, as he stepped down off of the purple roots that had lifted him onto the rooftop.

“I came here to ask you-“

“Absolutely not, I am not facing you on a rooftop again,” Leo interrupted. He glanced down at the last pizza. “Sorry,” he whispered, before he wound his arm back and hurled the box at Draxum’s face. Clearly a pizza box assault was the last thing he was expecting, because the yokai just stood there and took the corner of the box right in between his eyes. The box crumpled and opened just enough for gooey cheese to cover his face, and more importantly, his eyes.

Leo didn’t wait another second; he took off again, gripping his sword tightly as one hand fished around in his pouch for his cellphone. He furiously punched in the numbers and held the phone up by his earhole. “C’mon Raph, pick up the phone, pick up the phone, pick up the phone.” There was a moment where the ringing dial tone continued before Raph’s voice answered.

“Raph! Quick, I need- aaaaand that’s a recording,“ Leo realized as the pre-recorded message he had heard so many times continued. “Why didn’t I call Donnie? He’s the one always glued to his technology, Raph sometimes forgets to charge- whoAH HEY THAT’S NOT OKAY,” he yelped, skidding to a stop as purple roots burst from the cement right in front of him.

His momentum lost, his arms pin wheeled furiously as he attempted to turn and keep going. The roots shot towards him, and he jumped, landing on one before hopping onto the next. A grin grew on his face as he realized that he just had to keep moving, and he did a flip in the air before gracefully landing on the next one. “Annnd he sticks the landing!”

There was a cracking sound, and Leo’s face froze as his phone fell apart with a small tinkle of scattering glass and electronics. A smaller root had spearheaded his phone from behind, puncturing a perfect hole through the center.

“Wha- this was the worst welcome reception I’ve ever experienced!” Leo wobbled as the roots shifted, Draxum appearing just above him on another root. The yokai flicked off the last string of cheese from one of his horns, face almost expressionless as he stared down at Leo.

“There’s nowhere to run,” Draxum said, a smug smile finally crossing his lips. “Now, why don’t you make it easier for both of us and just come along quietly?“

Leo’s eyes darted towards his sword. “Oh, is that what you think?” he asked. “Because I’m just getting started!” He jumped, bringing the sword down on Draxum, who blocked it with one armored arm with ease. His orange eyes narrowed, and Leo had just enough time to brace himself before he was sent hurtling backwards, skipping across building tops like a pebble across water.

Leo finally stopped when he hit an advertising billboard with a cracking sound, denting the metal and sliding down into a seated position. The familiar sound of cars and chatter cut off, a loud ringing sound filling Leo’s head instead. He blinked a few times, opening his eyes to stare up at the clear night sky. To the rest of New York, it was just a night like any other, but right now... “Ugh,” he groaned, pressing one hand to his temple. He felt sick and dizzy, and through a blurry gaze he could see Draxum gliding towards him on his roots. Leo tried to stand, but his legs shook, and the urge to throw up only seemed to grow with each movement. He wobbled, and had to use his sword as a crutch to prop himself up. “I knew fighting him up here was a bad idea,” he muttered.

Through the ringing, Draxum’s voice took on a sinister tone, the yokai approaching Leo slowly, as a cat cornered its prey. “That wasn’t very impressive, was it?” he asked. He tilted his head, raising an eyebrow at Leo. “Want to try that again?”

“No,” Leo managed to get out, leaning against the bulletin board. “But I am willing to try this.” With a shaking arm he used his sword to draw a circle in the air between him and Draxum. The portal burst into life, small, but not small enough that it wouldn’t work. For once, Leo didn’t even care if he got the destination right; he just moved, only able to focus on getting away.  He dived through the portal, arms outstretched as he made a last ditch desperate attempt to get the hell out of dodge. And, for a second, he thought he made it, the familiar sewer air kissing his face as he made it through the portal. He even managed to portal home, too, with what felt like a concussion on top of everything else going on. His brothers would be impressed once they hear about his adventurous night out, Leo thought, woozy but pleased.

He turned to watch the portal snap shut, but then he felt it- a hand on his ankle, nails digging into his skin, a grip tightening and tightening until it hurt and with his already bad balance Leo was easily being yanked backwards, the sword clattering to the floor besides him, and he was being pulled back through his own portal-

He scrambled blindly at the floor, searching for something to grab onto, but he couldn’t reach anything; he needed help-

Where is everyone-

This is bad bad bad-

“Guys?!” Leo yelled, kicking at the hand. He saw stars. “Anyone? Da-!”

And the portal disappeared, almost as if it had never been there.

Only a sword remained, forgotten on the sewer floor.

(Chapter Two ->)

[horrorhot-line]

Do you have any writing tips Coz i rlly like your writing ❤😭

This one took a while to answer because of how much I had to say. (Please keep in mind that I am in no way telling you to follow these tips, take whatever you think will work for you and discard what doesn't, okay?)

Alright, first things first, I've been writing on and off for the past seven years, and I can say for a fact that I've definitely improved since my first fic (which was on paper, we don't talk about it). The following tips are what works for me, and what I believe has helped me become better at writing. 

Remember, fanfiction is supposed to be self-indulgent, and therefore you are entitled to write whatever you like because it's your work, so you don’t have to follow any of these tips if you don’t feel like it.

Proofreading, making sense & grammar

Grammar and punctuation make a huge difference. You could have an amazing story, but bad grammar can make that piece of work flop. Stories are supposed to be immersive, but if there are too many mistakes or the words don't make sense, it can ruin it for a reader. (I don't mean your garden variety missing letters, I mean something like 'an he and her goes and u were like oh no'.) I can't name the amount of time I've started to read something online and ditched it because the grammar irks me (your instead of you're, their instead of they're and so on). I've seen a lot of fanfiction writers also switch between past tense, present tense and future tense in the same paragraph, which makes it hard to understand what's happening. 

If you're trying to post and have it get attention, please do check your work to make sure it makes sense. Write down everything first, don't correct anything, and once you're done writing the scene, go back to proofread the whole thing. Get someone to read it for you and point out mistakes or things that don't make sense, if you can. 

If you can't, then there are alternatives. There's 'text to speech', where you can copy and paste what you've written down onto a website, and it will read the text out loud to you. It works the best (for me anyway). There's also grammarly, which is kind of similar to google docs except it points out all the mistakes you may have in your work. (Bear in mind a few mistakes don't matter, but if there's too many then it's likely that your post or blog won't get much attention.) This tip helps you to get a lot of likes on your writing.

Research

If you're writing fanfiction, please study the character(s). My biggest pet peeve when I read fanfiction, is that the love interest is out of character. Whether it be the way they talk or the way they act, if it isn't close to canon, I cannot read it.

So, if you're trying to gain traction and have your work get a lot of positive feedback or likes, then it's best to do research. Most fictional characters have wiki pages where their personalities, relationships and life stories are listed, so why not make the most of it? It's all there for the taking. When writing for a character, rewatch the show/movie to get a good grasp of their personality and then begin to write. The more canon your writing is, the more people will enjoy it.

Reader Inserts

Ever come across an x reader where there's way too much description about their appearance? (Specified hair colour, hair length, named family members etc.) I once read a reader insert where the author described the reader as someone who had pale skin, blue eyes and blonde hair... I was like, huh? That's not what I look like :') 

When you specify or go into details about 'reader's' appearance, it will most likely ruin the mental image your readers have in their heads already. I feel like when one tries to write a story or oneshot with a reader, they should be as vague as possible. There's no need to specify the height, or the reader's dream job or names of family members, or outfit choice- that's up to the people that are reading your stuff to work out. Leave it to their imagination. (This doesn't apply to requests made by others for specific character traits or appearances.)

Write believable characters

If your work has a reader insert or original characters, please make them believable. You don't want to write characters that are 2D and have little to no depth. Please don't make them perfect, that takes the fun out of things and makes your character somewhat boring. You don’t want to write a character that your readers find it hard to care about, so even if you were to kill them, the readers wouldn’t care. 

Make them real, with real problems and a factor of relatability. Heck, give them toxic/bad personality traits while you're at it. Easily irritable, overly sensitive, cynical, selfish, manipulative, people pleaser- the list is endless (we all have our flaws, no?). Contrary to what others may believe, this will make your character easy to relate to or understand, and more people will like your work that way. (this links to my next tip btw)

Mary Sues

I've seen this a lot in the fanfiction community, and oh god, does it make me cringe (this is because of personal preference, though). Mary sues, if you aren't aware, are perfect characters that have no faults. They don't make mistakes, and everyone loves them even if they do nothing. They are basically the perfect hero/heroine, and that makes them boring. My biggest pet peeves are mary sues in fanfiction author's works, (but, this is because I can't stand perfect and over-powered characters that everyone seems to fall for at first sight). 

Fair enough if the entire story is self-indulgent, I'm not here to bash others over personal preferences (this is just how I feel on the matter), but that also means that you take the risk of your work flopping for that sole reason. Your work might not get any traction or positive feedback because it is overly indulgent. 

Don't make your original character or reader insert a mary sue. Throw hurdles and hardships at them, let them make huge mistakes and learn from them, let them mature. Let them have flaws, let them win over the love interest slowly, instead of having the two fall in love instantly. 

Use the right inspiration for romantic relationships

Please for the love of god do not use toxic relationships as your inspiration for the romance you write into your story. 'After' by Anna Todd comes to mind first, as it is a good example of a romance written horribly. If you don't know already, then it's a Harry Styles wattpad fanfiction that got popular and was published, with two movie adaptations out already, (with more on the way)- the classic good girl falls for bad boy cliche. 

So, what's so wrong with 'After'? For one, the male interest is toxic as hell. Anger management issues, substance abuse, trash personality, the list goes on. What does the female interest to about it? Absolutely nothing. She lets him walk all over her and forgives him for it every time. 

Please don't use stories like this as a basis for what the romance in your work is like. Relationships where one abuses the other, whether it be mentally, physically or verbally are wrong and shouldn't be glorified nor romanticised. Relationships are supposed to be healthy, and shouldn't tear the people in it, apart. Use the right inspiration, there's plenty out there.

Writing chemistry between characters

For me, I use inspiration where ever I can find it. Movies, animes, books, real life, you name it. Observe the different types of media around you. How do friends interact with each other? How is it different from childhood friends and family friends? How is it different to lovers? I watch Netflix shows/movies in my free time, mostly romance- and yes, it is for research purposes. From there, I take a particular interaction or scene and get to thinking. If the characters from my works were in that situation, how would they react? 

Ever watched a movie or a show and thought to yourself, 'Wow, the interactions are so awkward'? That's mostly because the script is forced, and that's the last thing you want to write like. Chemistry, whether it be platonic or romantic, should be natural. The best way for you to do this is by thinking about how characters would interact and letting it come naturally to you.

Don't rush it

You have all the time in the world to write chemistry between characters. Why rush it? Slow burns hit the hardest and a lot of people like them. What I mean to say is, please for the love of god, don't let the characters in your work meet and then immediately fall in love. 

The countless amount of times I've sighed in frustration because I've decided to read a story and the first chapter they meet, the second they're already a thing and the third they get married? (This is an exaggeration, but you know what I mean.) What? Why? The time between realising feelings and officially dating should at least take a month, so write with that in mind. (This tip doesn't apply to one-shots.)

Narration

I’ve seen authors skip out on explaining where the story takes place and give the bare minimum when it comes to details, and have realised that it makes it very hard for the reader to understand what’s happening. When there’s barely any context, the story is no longer immersive and is less enjoyable.

Focus on describing the settings. There should be more description than dialogue. The weather, the surrounding, if there are people near or not, smells, sounds, etc. This will help the reader visualise what's happening, and will make it more enjoyable all around. The surroundings should be included in your story to make it more interesting and to keep the reader hooked. I've seen authors do this in their fanfiction and my god, when it's done right, it is so beautiful.

The first paragraph

This is a tip I've only recently started to use. You should always start the first paragraph off with something interesting. It's gotta be eye-catching. This makes sure that the reader doesn't click off of your work before you get to the good bits. There are a lot of writers who start their stories off with the classic 'I woke up in the morning to the alarm clock sounding,' and it is the absolute worst because it's the most overused cliche I've ever seen. 

Reading about someone waking up isn't interesting unless it's important to the story. For example, you can start off with a character waking up, if they're sick, 'I jolted awake only to immediately groan at the headache I was hit with. I moved to massage the bridge of my nose, to ease my pain, somewhat. It was then that I realised I was covered in a thin layer of sweat. Breathing in through my nose, I kicked the covers off of myself in an attempt to try and cool down. Turning my head and coughing into my pillow, I wondered if it was even worth it to get up.'

Internal monologues

Internal monologues give character to the person you're writing about and also gives the reader a good idea of what they're like. They also make your story better as a whole and can prove to lengthen it a bit more. Sprinkle them in where you see fit.

For example, 'The school day dragged on. You gazed at the clock yet again- why did it feel as if the hand on it hadn't moved? You should have stayed home. What was the point of this again? You could be spending your time doing something better. You suppressed the urge to yawn as the teacher droned on about how to calculate frequencies and wavelengths.'

Read

I mean this. When you're not writing, read, and do it like it's a job. Find a good book or a fanfiction that's well written, and take note of things the author has done that you think, 'Oh! That's worded beautifully.' This will help you expand your vocabulary, provide you with inspiration and overall will improve your writing.

hope this helps 💞💞💞💞

[sir-silly]

The Last War fan review

So, our beloved show has ended. And while I wish things would have gone differently, I did cry with relief when Clarke looked over and saw everyone already waiting for her.

Anyway, I wanted to share some of my thoughts on the finale.

1) Going right into the title sequence kind of shocked me. It wasn’t that big of a deal, but I was just immediately like “oh.” It was a bitch-slap in the face that they left a gap in the credits for Bob Morley. Why you gotta do us like that?

2) Murphy screaming “come on” while they used the defibrillator on Emori was heartbreaking. And his little whispered encouragements were so freaking cute.

3) Clarke rampage? Yes, please! I love me a badass woman. However, unlimited ammo is a sin in writing. The moment Octavia picked up the sword was a big “oh yes.”

4) Did Cadogan not care about his son like at all? Lmao. Why is he so hung up on Callie and not his other kid (who I can’t even remember the name of). I don’t care if they explain in the prequel, that’s still a shitty parent choosing favorites. Along with his wife, like, was she not his greatest love? It was Callie? Kinda fucked up.

5) Why the fuck could Jordan figure out it was a test and not a war in 5 seconds when the Disciples were studying that shit for decades? I know he’s Monty’s son, but he’s not a genius or anything.

6) Thoughts on the test: I think Cadogan would have failed and the human race would be destroyed. Why bother asking questions if you already know all the answers?

7) Why wasn’t Gaia in the finale like at all?? Like, what the fuck. She was hunting??? For what?? That really annoyed me because I’ve grown to really like her and there was no point in her not being involved in the last episode. They seriously couldn’t have thrown her in there? Like, come on! Even Niylah was there! (not saying that I don’t like her, it’s just that Gaia has felt far more important to the story than her).

8) I do think that Jasper and Hope are cute together, and I know they spent the majority of their lives either alone or only with their parents, but GOD I can’t stand how awkward they are. Also, I know ya’ll have feelings for each other and shit, but is now really the time to be making out?? Why do people think that’s okay in literally the worst situations? I know it’s a show, but come on.

9) And how the fuck did Jordan throw and catch that sword? He’s a child who’s never fought a day in his life. Unless they suddenly want to tell me that Harper and Monty were secret ninjas and taught him all their tricks, I don’t believe that.

10) I’m being pissy and bringing up things from the past, but I don’t care. Why the fuck couldn’t Harper and Monty gone into cryo? I know they were happy and shit, but I’M NOT. How the fuck did it take so long for him to get into the files for Sanctum? His ass has done that shit a thousand times before in about two minutes and suddenly it takes him 80 years? Bullshit.

11) I’m still being pissy, but how the fuck does Jordan know what a magician is? “For my first trick, I will make an army appear.” Bruh, no. Monty wouldn’t have known what a magician was either. If they weren’t being taught what a Navy Seal was, there’s no way they knew what magicians were. Calling bullshit on that one as well.

12) I was pretty surprised that the Disciples didn’t start firing on Wonkru immediately. Like, this is the war they’ve been gearing up for forever and they don’t attack as soon as possible? Also, where the fuck did Wonkru get their war paint? Do they just constantly have it on their person? Or did their asses literally spend time making their paint before going to Bardo?

13) I fucking love Miller and Jackson. They’re freaking adorable. Murphy’s flat “I am glad you are safe” was so fucking funny. Also, saving Emori in one scene just to kill her in the next is bullshit. They should have just killed her the first time and done the same thing anyway. Murphy screaming at Jackson to do something and sobbing was heartbreaking. Fantastic acting on Richard Harmon’s part.

14)  Octavia putting on Lincoln’s same warpaint again was once again, so sad. I miss that man. He was too good for his own good. And while I do think that her and Levitt are very cute together, I’ll always prefer her with Lincoln. But I think that he would be really happy that she has found someone new to love.

15) Apparently whatever Echo “did” to Levitt was so forgettable that I don’t even know what she’s talking about. Bad writing. I shouldn’t forget that in just a few weeks, I should remember as soon as I see the two of them in the same room.

16) Lexa. Just all of it. There were some suspicions that she would show up for the last episode, but I didn’t really believe them because I didn’t understand how she would be integrated. I’m glad that they did bring her back, but I’m also not. It was amazing to see her back by Clarke in all of her armor and glory, but knowing it wasn’t actually Lexa was just a punch in the face. It wasn’t her mind, so it’s almost like they didn’t bring her back anyway. I honestly would have preferred if they used someone else for her Judge, because that just really didn’t do it for me. Their hug was sweet, but it didn’t even count as her returning. I personally think that her Judge should have been Bellamy or Madi instead, as they both certainly could fill the role of “the subject’s greatest teacher or the source of their greatest failure...it can be their greatest love.” This is just my preference. Believe me, I know how much Lexa meant to Clarke, but as a fan, bringing our favorite Heda back in that way wasn’t the best way to do it. As a writer, it makes sense, but it doesn’t as a fan. The writers can’t just think of what is the best storytelling, they have to think of what those watching will think.

17) I’m confused about the mindspace? Why did Clarke wake up in her solitary room with her memories painted all over the walls, but Emori woke up in the castle with a view of the desert? Why wouldn’t it have been her and Murphy’s cave? Is there a reason it was the bedroom and not the cave?

18) I know this isn’t canon in any sense, but could you imagine if Murphy and Emori fought over John’s body and she won, and then suddenly woke up with a penis? How fucking funny would that be? Just had to throw that out there.

19) Can I just again reiterate how fucking cute Miller and Jackson are?

20) I’m curious about the location of the test. Why did Cadogan’s take place on a pier, while Raven’s happened on the Ark? If it was their favorite place, wouldn’t Raven’s have been actually out in space? Like during a spacewalk? I’m confused about that.

21) I knew that Raven was somehow going to be involved in the test just because of the trailers we got for the final episode. My two guesses for who the judge would be were Finn and Abby. Though I am happy that we got to see Abby again, I would be curious to see if the scene would have played out any differently if it had been Finn.

22) Where was the full line that was given in the trailer? Because that was amazing. “We’re selfish, and we’re violent, and we have destroyed too much, but we survived.” I loved that line far more than what we got instead, which was simply, “Have we made mistakes? Yes. Clarke, me, all of us, but we were just trying to survive.” I definitely would have chosen the former over the latter. Poor choice on the editors’ parts.

23) How the fuck did Octavia and Echo go out to the field and get Levitt with Echo only being shot once? With all the bullets, the three of them should have been torn apart, I don’t care how much Indra could cover Octavia. Calling bullshit on that as well.

24) Bringing this up kind of late because I’m giving my reviews as I’m rewatching the episode, but what they had Eliza do was really fucked up. Her and Bob suffered a miscarriage during the filming of season seven, so the scene of her holding Madi and crying “my baby” is like 10 times more heartbreaking. If they made her film that after having a miscarriage mere days, weeks or few months before, that’s really, really messed up.

25) They really played-up Sheidheda’s bringing back of “jus drein jus daun” in the trailer. In reality, it was far less intense. I would have preferred what I had been expecting, which was him coming to help convince Wonkru that they would be able to win. However, I am super glad that he is dead and Indra finally got to kill him. I love how that bigass gun just turns people into mist lol.

26) The beginning of Octavia’s speech was literally like “what the FUCK guys” and it was hilarious. And I swear to god if I hear her say “we are Wonkru” or “you are Wonkru” another time, I’m gonna scream. I know it was legit the last episode but I’m sick of it by now lol. When Indra was like “I hope you know what you’re doing,” Octavia’s face was just like “omg me too” and it was really funny.

27) Bellamy. His situation was a whole problem itself. He deserved a hell of a lot better and wHY DID HE CUT HIS HAIR I LIKED IT THE LONG WAY. Anyway, you can bet your ass I’ll be writing a different ending where he didn’t die because FUCK THAT. When I do, I’ll be sure to share it.

28) I’m fucking confused about Murphy and Emori both transcending. Because, what the fuck. Emori died. The dead don’t transcend. Her mind wasn’t even in her body, it was in Murphy’s. So how the fuck did she end up alive and in her own body again. I’m glad she’s alive, but I just don’t understand. It would have made way more sense to have either not had her die in the first place, or to have Murphy, Miller, and Jackson keep pumping her heart so she technically “lived” anyway like Echo.

29) If Madi had decided not to transcend, would she still have been paralyzed? I mean, I would assume not because Levitt and Hope’s gunshots were healed, as was Emori, but I’m curious. Also, wouldn’t Raven’s leg have been fixed? Because if they only fix recent wounds and not old ones, that’s stupid.

30) On the point of Madi deciding not to transcend, why did she? Why didn’t so many other people choose not to? Like, not one Eligius prisoner or person from Sanctum chose to live? No one else from Wonkru? Why didn’t anyone else other than the main cast and guest stars not transcend? I totally understand the Disciples transcending, but seriously, nobody else wanted to live? That’s really weird. Madi and her friends really couldn’t have chosen to live on Earth with Clarke and the others? I just think it’s really unrealistic that not one single person outside of the group chose not to transcend.

31) I was really surprised that Murphy and Emori chose not to transcend, because as the Judge said, they would eventually die and not join them in the infinite. It shocked me due to their fear of dying and wanting to be immortal, but I’m really proud of them.

32) I’m disappointed that those who don’t transcend can’t have children. There were suspicions that Emori might have been pregnant (which were never confirmed), but the idea of her and Murphy having a kid together was adorable. They’d have their teeny tiny families with those two, Hope and Jordan, and Octavia and Levitt.

33) This isn’t as much me pointing out a problem as me wondering, what was Clarke going to say to the Judge when she turned around? What else did she have to say or ask? Was it about Madi? Or maybe Lexa? Or just transcending in general?

34) It’s pretty shitty that some of our questions went unanswered due to the fact that there will be a prequel. On the other hand, I live for lore, so I’m just glad that they eventually will be answered. But still, that doesn’t excuse shitty writing.

35) I want to see a stupid edit of Picasso taking the test where the Judge is Madi.

I think we all know that season seven was really not what we wanted it to be. We’ve been really disappointed by the writers and unfortunately, this is what we got out of it. I believe they really could have done a better job, but I am at least glad that everyone ended up together.

The writing was lacking. Too many questions were left unanswered, I don’t care if you’re making a sequel or not. Plot holes. It really could have been a good season if it was done better.

My ranking of the seasons is as follows: 3, 2, 4, 1, 6, 5, 7. Seasons 4 and 1 are kind of interchangeable for me in spots three and four, as are 6 and 5 in the two spots behind them, whatever the order may be.

But I still love the show. I love the characters, their development, and many things about it. It has been quite the journey and I am glad to have been a fan of the show.

May we meet again.

[babyboy-bangtan]

By Chance Chapters 5-8

A misunderstanding gone viral puts you on BTS’s radar, which leads to a series of events that finally culminate with you meeting them for the first time.

✚ Pairing: Sub!BTS/Female Reader ✚ Word Count: 4.9K ✚ Rating: M ✚ Warnings: Reader mentions having been told to kill herself on the internet. ✚ A/N: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of my imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Read on AO3 / Chapters 1-4

Chapter 5: Hoseok, Taehyung & Namjoon

To no one's surprise, Jungkook is once again watching one of your movies after they had dinner. It's almost begun to feel like a routine; unless it's his turn to clean up, Jungkook just plops down and starts watching with his earphones on, and very often it's a movie he's already seen. He says it's because he doesn't want to go through your movies too fast, and this way he can enjoy them as much as possible.

"I don't think he has that many things left to watch of her." Namjoon says, looking over his shoulder at Jungkook sitting cross legged on the couch staring attentively at his phone with his earphones on, completely oblivious to the fact that he's their topic of conversation.

"He'll be upset once he's done." Hoseok adds, cleaning the table with a rag as Taehyung picks up up the takeout containers. "He has a crush."

"Well, she's very pretty." Taehyung comments absentmindedly, throwing the containers in the trash. Namjoon shares a look with Hoseok, both rising their eyebrows with a smile. "I saw one of her movies last year."

"I knew her only from the perfume commercials. She looked beautiful in them." Hoseok says, washing the rag on the sink. "I can't remember if it was Dior or Givenchy... I think it was Dior..." He whispers mostly to himself as Jin walks into the kitchen, freshly showered and dressed for bed already.

"Who do you know from the perfume commercials?" He asks, opening the fridge.

"[Y/N]." Hoseok replies casually as he washes his hands. "Jungkook is watching another one of her movies." He points to the couch where Jungkook has shifted positions, wrapping a blanket around himself that makes him look like a human tent. "Aww, so cute." Hoseok says, smiling at the youngest.

"Ah." Jin replies, grabbing a bottle and leaving without saying anything else.

"What's gotten into him?" Taehyung asks, staring at the place where Jin was a moment ago suspiciously. 

"Who knows?" Namjoon replies, shrugging his shoulders.

Jin is known for having his moments, so he's pretty sure it’s not a big deal. It's likely he's a bit fed up with Jungkook's crush on you; he keeps bringing you up whenever he has a chance, and sharing little fun facts about you he's picked up from all the interviews he's watched. To Namjoon it's very cute, but he wouldn't be surprised if Jin is tired of it already— mainly because Jungkook's attention has been diverted almost entirely to you, and Jin doesn't particularly enjoy when that happens.

There's probably nothing to worry about, but just in case he'll wait a bit to see if this passes. And if it doesn't, Jin will have to open up about what he's feeling and talk to them, eventually.

Chapter 6: Yoongi

Even though he tries, Yoongi can't hold back a smile as he watches Jungkook get everything ready for his movie marathon. Yoongi can't remember which movies he's going to see, but he does remember you starred in the sequel of something and Jungkook never watched the first part, because you weren't it. But a couple days ago, he saw in an old interview that you said watching the first one was important to understand your character, so he decided to correct that and watch the first part once and for all. And then rewatch the second part, again.

He explained this situation to everyone in great detail. 

"Hyung, do you want to watch with me?" Jungkook yells at him, still preparing his snacks and drinks on the table. Yoongi smiles at him but shakes his head.

"Another day. I have some work to do." He ruffles Jungkook's hair teasingly as he walks past him on his way to his room.

Most of the reason he refused is that he has to work, that wasn't a lie— but another reason is that Yoongi knows very well what Jungkook is like when he gets someone to watch one of your movies that he's already watched himself. If he hasn't watched it yet, there's no problem; he'll be laser-focused on the movie and most likely won't say a word until it's done. But if he has watched it already, he'll constantly tell whoever has joined him to pay attention when a scene he likes is coming, or he'll scold them if they're not being as attentive as he thinks they should be.

Yoongi likes to enjoy movies peacefully, so that particular environment isn't his favorite. He'll watch one of your movies with Jungkook when it's one he hasn't seen beforehand, which might take a little while to happen considering Jungkook has bulldozed through your entire filmography already.

As he closes the door to his room, he hears Jungkook calling for Jimin to join him, which Yoongi is sure he will do. Jimin seems to be the most likely to agree to watch any content related to you, so he's not worried about Jungkook being upset at him for refusing his request.

To tell the truth, Yoongi is still a bit perplexed about Jungkook's sudden fascination with you. After the thing where people thought you'd met them went viral, Jungkook watched one video of you and then another and then another, and soon enough he made his way through everything you've ever been in.

Now he's just rewatching all your movies, while he awaits the upcoming Netflix movie you recently finished shooting. A couple days ago, if he remembers correctly. Jungkook likes keep them all updated.

Jungkook insists you're sweet and kind and so beautiful and nice, and Yoongi simply can't tell him that what he has a crush on is just an idealized version of yourself, that he can't truly know you through videos and interviews. At least he can't tell him yet; because if this infatuation persists Yoongi will bring him back to reality. Jungkook knows very well what it's like to have people crush on you and decide you're perfect because you're only showing them your likeable side, and he has to understand that's what he's doing with you, too.

After hitting an annoying slump in his work, Yoongi spins around in his chair, feeling the stress starting to build up. He can hear the very faint sound of Jungkook watching his movie and after giving it a moment of thought, he pulls out his phone out of his pocket.

Youtube.

He quickly types “[Y/N] interview” and hits search.

He scrolls a little until one catches his eye, because it says it was uploaded just 8 hours ago. He wonders if Jungkook already watched it, which is very likely, but it’s also possible he didn’t because he tends to inform everyone when there’s a new interview you did for him to watch. He puts his earphones on and thinks "fuck it" because he wants to see for himself what Jungkook has been so obsessed with.

It's a 19 minutes long filmed radio interview, but Yoongi figures he only needs to listen to a couple minutes of it to get a feel of what you're about. If it starts out boring, he'll just skip until there’s something interesting. It's even possible that people in the comments have already put on the timestamps of the best moments, and he won't even have to do any work for himself.

“[Y/N], welcome! I’m so happy you could join us this morning.” The host says, and Yoongi quickly notices he has an amazing voice.

“Thank you.” You say politely, smiling. “I’m happy to be here.” “So, you have a new movie coming to Netflix soon—” Yoongi fast forwards a few minutes, because he does not need to know more about that movie than he already does. Jungkook is so excited about it, he’s shared every single detail there is to know about it with him and the others.

“—around 2014, right?” The hosts says, looking a bit more serious.

“Yeah, around the end of the year. It was my first big—” You make quotes with your fingers and roll your eyes, even though the people listening wouldn’t be able to see you. “—movie role and I got like 800 thousand new followers on Instagram in 2 days. At first it felt amazing, it really did, but when a lot of good comes your way, bad is bound to come as well.” You sigh, and Yoongi notices you suddenly look tired. He goes back around 1 minute, trying to find when you started talking about this. He wants to know where what you’re saying comes from.

“They do! You can see some videos of me on the official Instagram account for the movie.” You say with a smile.

“Because you’re not on social media anymore.” The host adds, like it’s a well-known fact. Jungkook has probably mentioned it before but Yoongi truly doesn't remember, so that caught him by surprise.

“Yup. Been clean for a few years now.” You joke, and all the people at the table laugh. Even Yoongi cracks a tiny smile.

“You’ve talked about this in the past, how you quit because it got too toxic. So, that was around 2014, right?” Someone else asks, and you nod.

Yoongi ponders for a second if he should fast forward what he’s already seen, but ultimately decides not to. It’s different to watch it now that he knows where the conversation is coming from. He patiently waits for you to say everything he’s already heard, paying more attention this time.

“There were a lot of negative comments at the time, was that it?” The host asks, and you raise your eyebrows, huffing.

“You could say that.” You say sarcastically. “A group of people were very, very angry when I was cast for my second movie. Since it was based on a book, they said I wasn’t what they had imagined and they made sure to let me know it.” You shake your head. “It was bad when I was cast, but when the first trailer came out it got worse. It was hard to deal with because I’d never gone through something similar before. I had only done one indie film and one episode of CSI. That was it. And all of a sudden I have comments on every single thing I post saying that my acting sucks and I should just quit. Some people even told me I should kill myself.” You pause for a second as the people around you shake their heads, visibly disappointed. “Those were the least, but it’s still jarring to see people wishing that on you.”

Yoongi gasps, pausing the video. For some reason he hadn’t considered something like that happening to you, at all. That’s not the kind of thing about you Jungkook shares; he shares your favorite things, stories you’ve told about your costars or meeting other famous people, but not this. He never shares anything negative like this. He wonders why, even though part of him thinks it’s because Jungkook doesn’t feel comfortable sharing something that feels this personal. 

He takes a couple seconds before hitting play again.

“So one day I just said screw this, and decided to delete all my social media. I posted a goodbye letter to my fans first explaining the situation and left it up for like an hour before I deleted everything. The only way you’ll see me on social media is through promotional stuff or on some friends’ accounts.” Your tone shifts on this part; it becomes more cheerful, but Yoongi has been on your side of the story enough times to know you’re just deflecting, and this is something that still bothers you.

He gets it.

It bothers him, too.

“And then you won several awards for that role.” The host says with a laugh, successfully lightening the mood.

“Yep, I did.” You say, laughing as well.

The interview moves on to other topics, much more light-hearted than the previous one, but even though Yoongi ends up watching the entire video, that one thing manages to stick to his mind like a magnet. He feels a bit ashamed that he dismissed you, that he didn’t consider that you’re a celebrity too and your life is bound to be hard as well, even if the ways you deal with that status are different from the ways he and the others have to deal with their own. Jungkook always being so happy when he shares things about you made Yoongi make the mistake of thinking he had you figured out, but now he realizes he actually doesn’t really know anything about you.

He sighs, covering his face with his hands before moving them up and running them through his hair, messing it up completely.

As of right now, there's an new, annoying feeling at the pit of his stomach, an annoying feeling that makes Yoongi want to know more about you.

Thanks a lot, Jungkook.

Chapter 7: After

Timotheé is staring at you with a very cute smile on his face, which can only mean one thing.

He wants something.

"What now?" You ask, sighing.

“Can I have some of that, please?” He asks as you sip your coffee, resting his chin on your shoulder and hugging your waist while you eye him suspiciously. You know he’s tired, but it’s only been a few minutes since you were given the cups. How fast did he drink his?

“Where’s yours?” You ask, staring down at his empty hands.

“I finished it.” He grins. “Pleeease, I’m sleepy.” You roll your eyes and give him your cup, and he kisses your cheek in response before releasing you to take it from your hand.

“Thank you!”

“It’s not free!” You say immediately, watching him gulp down the rest of your drink. “You’ll have to get me another one later.” He nods, still drinking. “Did you sleep at all last night?”

“Not really.” He says, rolling his shoulders with a grimace. “I’m still jetlagged as fuck.”

“Come here.” You move him in front of you to start massaging his shoulders, and his knees go weak when you do. “Timmy! Work with me here, man. Try to stay up.” You joke, and he laughs.

“Sorry, sorry.” He apologizes, looking back at you for a second before bowing his head forward. “Thank you so— ah—much.”

“This feels like it’s turning erotic real fast.” You tease him, but you don’t stop rubbing his shoulders. You don’t see his face, but you’d bet anything he’s as red as a tomato. He gets shy immediately when you make that kind of comments, it’s adorable.

“Shut uhhh— up.” He laughs, smacking your side lightly with his hand, not turning around.

“I’m not the one moaning—”

“Guys, come on. It’s time to start. Let’s go.” Your publicist approaches you both, pointing at the direction you’re supposed to go to.

“Coming!” You say, giving Timotheé a couple pats on the back before pushing him forward. “Time to work, mister.” He groans in response, but walks ahead of you nonetheless.

Once you’re both seated and ready, the people behind the cameras start giving you instructions on what to do. It's not really hard to keep up, and since you've both watched previous interviews of this type you already know what you're in for.

“So I say my name, she says her name, and then it’s one word each and we finish together.” Timotheé asks for clarification one last time. The producers nod and you give them a thumbs up.

“And… go.”

“Hey, I’m Timotheé Chalamet.”

“And I’m [Y/N]. And this is the—”

“Wired—”

“Autocomplete—”

“Interview.” You both finish in unison.

Chapter 8: The Interview

Namjoon smiles fondly at Jungkook, who is sleepily eating his breakfast with his eyes half open and his hair sticking up everywhere. He'd spent the most part of the previous night sulking, because he has to wait until Sunday to be able to sit down to watch your new movie without interruptions. Thankfully, once they all promised to join him in a movie night he became excited once again. Seeing him sad makes everyone else immediately sad as well; he always does his best to cheer them up and make them laugh, so it’s their job to do the same for him whenever they can.

Jungkook’s phone vibrates and he casually looks at the screen, seeing that a new interview you did has been uploaded. He’s familiar with this type, it’s the one where people answer things based on Google searches. He grabs his phone and gets ready to start watching it, that is until he sees the thumbnail and chokes on his food.

“Jungkook! Are you okay?” Namjoon asks worriedly, leaving his mug on the table and walking up to him. Jungkook nods, drinking milk to unclog his throat.

“Look, Hyung.” He rasps, handing him his phone. Namjoon grabs it from his hand and it takes him a moment to process what he’s seeing.

It’s a video of you, that’s unsurprising.

[Y/N] & Timotheé Chalamet Answer the Web’s Most Searched Questions | WIRED

It’s not until he takes notice of the Google search bar on the thumbnail that he realizes what made Jungkook react like that.

Did [Y/N] Did [Y/N] get married Did [Y/N] work in Criminal Minds When did [Y/N] meet BTS

Apparently, Namjoon takes too long staring at the phone because Jungkook snatches it from his hands and immediately presses play.

“What happened?” Jimin asks, walking into the room already dressed.

“Jungkook lost it because [Y/N] talked about us in a new interview, apparently.” Namjoon responds, shrugging his shoulders. He can hear you introducing yourself in the video.

Jimin’s mouth forms an “o” shape and he places himself behind Jungkook to watch the video as well, resting his chin on his shoulder.

“What did she say?” He asks the youngest, noticing Timotheé is the one answering questions about himself right now.

“I haven’t gotten to that part yet.” Jungkook answers, trying with all his might to not fast forward the video until your part begins. It’s a 15 minutes long video, and something tells him they will have left that question for the final part.

The questions you answer about yourself are mostly things Jungkook already knows but you're elaborating on, or other new little details about your life.

He checks to see how much is left of the video during Timotheé’s turn, and it’s not much. He’s sure after this come the last Google searches for you, and his heart starts beating a little faster.

“Okay, did [Y/N]…” You say, grabbing the board and placing it over your lap. “Did [Y/N] go to college?”  You say, ripping off the white paper.

“She did!”  Timotheé responds first, seemingly excited. 

“What are you guys doing?” Hoseok asks, entering the kitchen, but both Jungkook and Jimin shush him at the same time.

“That's true.”  You say in the video. “NYU, baby! I majored in Film and Television. Okay, next one.”

“[Y/N] spoke about us in an interview.” Namjoon explains to him in a whisper, and Hoseok raises his eyebrows in surprise.

“Did [Y/N] get married?”  You read, and Timotheé bursts out laughing next to you.“I honestly don’t know what possessed enough people to ask this so it is one of the most searched things but no, I did not get married.”  The video cuts to the next question, and Jungkook’s nervousness increases by the second.

“Did [Y/N] work in Criminal Minds?”  You say. “I did not. I did, however, work in another famous crime show you might have heard of called CSI. I played a girl who was into BDSM and got arrested for murdering her boyfriend. Spoiler alert: She didn't do it. But if you want to know who did, just watch the episode.”

“What?!”  Timotheé exclaims, looking honestly shocked. “You were on CSI?” You stare at him, looking very offended.

“How do you not know this?! It was my first role ever!”  You cry out.

“Do you know what my first role ever was?”  Timotheé retorts, staring at you. You look away and stare at nothing for a couple seconds, and Jungkook can’t help but laugh at your reaction. He hears Jimin snickering as well.

“Let's move on to the next question.” You say, making Timotheé laugh again.

You pull the white paper covering it, and there it is.

“When did [Y/N] meet BTS?”

“You met BTS? What else do I not know about you?” Timotheé says before you can respond.

“Okay, here’s the thing. I did not meet BTS, but there is a whole story behind why people thought I did.”

“Please share it.”  Timotheé urges you, crossing his arms with a smile.

“You know, this actually happened while we were filming.”  You tell him, and his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “So, what happened was that someone uploaded some of the extras of one of my movies to YouTube, and they just named the video [Y/N] BTS. They meant it like [Y/N] Behind the Scenes, but some people thought it meant it was a video of me with, you know, the group BTS and then someone made a joke about it and that tweet went viral. I remember we were getting our makeup done and my friend texted me, and she sent me like screenshots of this tweet with thousands of likes. I thought it was very funny that it was all a huge misunderstanding, honestly.”

For some reason, Jungkook hadn’t considered the fact that you could also know what had happened with the video. It’s like he assumed you might have heard about it, but he didn’t think you’d know the details about it or that you cared about it enough to know.

“So you haven’t met BTS?”

“Tragically, I haven’t.”  You respond, and Jungkook gasps. Does that mean you’d like to meet them? “I wish I had, but alas, here we are.”

The video continues a little bit longer, but Jungkook is rooted to the spot even after it ends. When he finally looks up, he sees Namjoon and Hoseok trying to hold back smiles.

“Did she say…” He manages to croak out, throat dry.

“That she wants to meet you? Yeah.” Namjoon teases, sharing a look with Hoseok.

“She said she wants to meet all of us!” Jimin objects, standing up straight and looking slightly offended. “Not just Jungkook, she said BTS.” He emphasizes the last word, making it clear that he’s also included in the group of people you want to meet.

“Who wants to meet us?” Yoongi asks, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he enters the kitchen, with Taehyung and Jin right behind him.

“[Y/N]!” Jungkook exclaims, playing the video for the three of them, from the moment you start replying to the question about BTS.

“Well, I doubt we’ll meet her.” Yoongi says absent-mindedly once you’re done talking. Namjoon gives him a disbelieving look, and Yoongi quickly amends what he said. “For now, I mean. We have a lot of things to do here and we won’t be visiting America for a while. But I’m sure it’ll happen soon.” Jungkook smiles at him, but Yoongi knows he’s not as excited as he was a moment ago and he feels really guilty for taking that away from him.

“I’m gonna go take a shower.” Jin says suddenly, leaving the room.

“Is there something wrong with him?” Jungkook asks the rest, his shoulders falling down. “He acts weird when I show him stuff of her.”

“I have no clue.” Hoseok responds, while the others shrug their shoulders. 

Except for Namjoon.

He confirmed that Jin's weird behavior appeared every single time Jungkook did so much as mention your name a couple weeks ago, and he's been waiting for him to come clean to them and tell them what's happening on his terms, but he can't give him more time. Jungkook already noticed and it seems like it has started making him upset, which will throw off their entire dynamic even more than Jin acting off already has been doing.

While the others eat their breakfast and Jungkook calls his mom to tell her that you mentioned him in an interview, Namjoon patiently waits for Jin to be done with his shower, so he can get him alone and finally confront him about what's been going on with him.

Once Jin enters his room, Namjoon follows right after, closing the door behind him.

"What's going on with you?" He asks in a low voice, walking up to Jin. "Why are you acting like this?"

"What are you talking about?" Jin asks, pretending to be confused. If it weren't for the fact that Namjoon knows him so well and that he knows for a fact that something is wrong, he wouldn't be able to tell that he's faking it. 

"You have a problem with Jungkook liking [Y/N]. You're making it more and more obvious every day. It's making him upset." Namjoon gets straight to the point, because he has no idea how much time he has until someone comes in and interrupts them, and if that happens he knows Jin will get out of the conversation.

Jin is good at hiding his emotions, but not good enough to hide the flash of nervousness on his face when Namjoon says that.

"That's not—"

"I knew it." Namjoon interrupts him. "But why? We've never even met her, why don't you like her?"

"It's not that I don't like her—"

"Then what is it? Because it's obviously something, and that something is making Jungkook sad because you know how much he loves sharing what he likes with us. You have to tell us what's the problem because—" 

"I used to masturbate to her!" Jin whisper-screams, his ears immediately turning red. In any other circumstances, Namjoon's current face would be hilarious, but right now it only serves as a reminder to Jin that he actually is as dirty and gross as he's been feeling all this time.

"You—  I— When—" Namjoon stammers, completely at a loss for words.

Jin's shoulders fall and he sits down on his bed, holding his head on his hands.

"I know it's horrible, you don't have to tell me."

Namjoon scratches the back of his neck and walks up to the bed, sitting down next to Jin. He places a hand on his back and gives him a few pats, trying to comfort him as much as he can considering how shocked he currently is. Out of all the reasons he had imagined that were the cause of Jin's behavior, that he felt ashamed for jerking off to you was definitely not one of them.

"When did you... you know..." Namjoon pries, and Jin groans before burying his face between his knees. His ears are darker than Namjoon has ever seen them.

"Years ago. It was her CSI episode. I didn't even know she was a famous actress now."

Namjoon does the math quickly in his head, because if he remembers correctly what Jungkook said and what he managed to hear in the interview he was just watching, CSI was your first job, back in 2013.

That's a long time ago.

"Jin-Hyung..." He says, but all he gets in response is another embarrassed groan. "Okay, look at me." No movement. "Hyung, come on."

"I know it's gross." Jin says, lifting his head up and looking mortified. "And now Jungkook is obsessed with her and what if we actually do meet her one day?"

"Hyung... This happened years ago."

"And?"

"And we've all done stuff like that! I have! Everyone has!"

Before Jin can say anything, Yoongi enters the room, but he quickly closes the door behind him when he sees the state Jin is in.

"What's going on?" He asks, walking up to them and sitting on a chair. "Are you okay?"

"I can't say it again." Jin groans, burying his head on his hands once again. "You tell him." Namjoon sighs, but does as told.

"He used to jerk off to [Y/N]'s episode of CSI." Yoongi snorts, but quickly covers his mouth when Namjoon glares at him.

"I'm sorry. So that's what got you acting so weird? Jin-Hyung, come on. It's not that bad." Yoongi says, squeezing Jin's shoulder. 

"You know it's only a matter of time before we meet her, right? What am I supposed to do then?" Jin says, looking at him with an embarrassed frown.

"Okay." Yoongi says, rolling his eyes. "I've met several people I used to masturbate to. It happens. I don't do it anymore, and that's fine. Besides, what makes you think she hasn't done it as well? She's famous and she's American. Everyone masturbates to American actors."

"I'm not sure you're helping." Namjoon says, shaking his head.

"Whatever. Pull yourself together, because you'll hurt Jungkook if you don't." Yoongi says, squeezing Jin's shoulder one last time before getting up and leaving the room.

"He's right, you know." Namjoon says once he's gone. "It's really not that bad, Hyung, I promise."

Even though years of repressed shame are hard to deal with and Jin will definitely need more time to fully process what he's been told, let alone accept it— something about having shared this with Yoongi and Namjoon makes the constant pressure he'd been feeling on his chest a lot lighter.

Maybe they are right, and maybe it's not that bad.

Jin can only hope that if— or when— they do meet you, that moment comes later rather than sooner.

Thank you for reading! Feel free to share your thoughts in any way you want!

[duratrans]

Satoshi Mizukami Q&A, 3/3

Satoshi Mizukami recently took questions from the editor's desk, and publicly from write-ins, for an interview to celebrate the first volume of Solte going on sale (Jan 9th!). So I translated them all! It’s in three parts, so I’ll post them one by one.

Here is the third and final section, general questions of all kinds.

Q: I heard you were pretty impressed by Masakazu Ishiguro's Hero (note: Debut work in Gekkan Afternoon, 2000), and when you met him you said "You're my rival!" right to his face! Is there anyone that comes to mind you would still consider your professional rival today? A: Oof. I don't think I have that spirit in me any more. But, even while myself and so many of my friends are starting to slow down, when I see them putting out work, I do feel encouraged to stick it out.

Q: I've heard you started working to become a manga artist because you "wanted to live in a fantasy world" yourself. If you really could jump into a fictional world, what kind of work would it be? Who would you be in the story? The main character, or maybe the last boss? A: I want to live in a porno game. Somewhere with no danger or fighting.

Q: From any medium, can you think of one piece that you liked the most or inspired you? And can you explain why? A: There's probably too many to try and pick just one, but in terms of what really influenced me; For manga, late 90's Shonen Sunday and early 2000's Afternoon. Then, 90's new-wave light novels. For anime, Diebuster. In film, La Puta. A handful of Sega Saturn games. Some scifi stories on forums, and a bunch of other works on Shosetsu-ka ni Narou.

Q: What have you seen/read/played more recently that you liked the best? And can you tell us what you liked? A: Manga: Touge Oni. It was the first thing I read in a while that made me jealous. In books, The Three-Body Problem. I liked the second of the trilogy best, but they were just good page-turners. For anime, Karakuri Circus. The manga ended long enough ago that it felt like going in fresh again, so it hit just right. Really liked the OP too. Film: Interstellar. Tenet wasn't great, so I rewatched this again and still good. It's exactly the kind of movie I was wanting. Games: Ring Fit. I had the idea if I got a little bit in shape, I might get some motivation back. I feel like it might be working? Just the teensiest, slightest bit. Light novels: I Am the Only One Who Knows This World Is a Game. It's just the right amount of bonkers.

Q: If you had ultimate freedom to do any kind of manga you wanted, what would it be like? Would you want a long series, or something shorter? -Ruha A: I was going to say I haven’t exactly had any restrictions, but actually a few things did come up with Solte. But even still, I can fit in any ideas I really want to draw, so I think things are pretty good as they are.

Q: If you had to put yourself in a genre, what kind of manga artist do you think you are? Sci-fi? Or maybe romance? -Takeshi A: I'm a little surprised to see "romance", even as an example. If you ask me, you can categorize me however you want.

Q: Which character are you most attached to, out of all of your works? -Habu A: Anima from Biscuit Hammer.

Q: When you're designing your characters, how do you come up with a good balance when it comes to the composition and relationships in the cast? -Yoneko A: Oh, man. I just kinda... Feel it out.

Q: I've been a big fan of your work forever! I really like your drawing style. How do you make your art the way you do? -gum A: I dunno, that's just how it turns out when I draw. I've been telling myself "Wow, I need to work on my art" for 19 years, since the day I was first published.

Q: Has raising a child had any effect on your stories? -Tai A: It means I work less.

Q: I want to draw manga too, but I'm not very confident in my skills. Do you have any advice? -Tai Arima A: First, do you mean you're not satisfied yourself with the quality of your work, or you're just not confident enough to put it out there? Don't worry, this is always a fundamental issue for creators, things rarely come out just how you imagine them. It's like how you can only print out photos at a resolution as sharp as your camera can capture them. I recommend you start by just making something. Sit down, do it, and finish it, and you'll learn a lot from it. It'll be up to you whether you show that around, but when you start, I wouldn't necessarily make a big deal out of it, you can just work on it quietly without making a big announcement. That way, there's no pressure, and if it's not working out, you can still stop or take a break without feeling bad about it. You decide how to use your time the best.

Q: When I went to a promo event for Planet With at Loft, you and Rensuke Oshikiri (Hi Score Girl) both talked about how as you get older, you find it harder and harder to stay motivated. Have you found anything that helps you in that regard? -Tayu A: I listed to some cheerful music for a while last week and actually found it helped my mood a little.

Q: I love how expressive all of your characters are! Is there anything particular in your process for when you are working on faces and expressions? -Arbel A: I have to be careful I don't go overboard making the same expression I'm drawing.

Q: I write for a hobby, but I always have trouble planning out how the story comes together. Do you have any advice or a favorite method for composing a story? -Nigou A: I read and re-read what I've got, and anywhere I think it's getting dull, I change the scene or add some exciting development. Make the last thing you think would happen, happen. And don't worry about how to tidy everything up, that's a problem for tomorrow you. Today you just has to lay it out.

Q: Hello, Sensei. I've read all your works, and I'm a big fan, but what really impresses me is your dialog. I love how it always just flows off the page, it reads so naturally. So, my question is, when you are writing the dialog, do you just hear it unfold naturally in the character's voices, or do you write more deliberately like "oh, here they would probably say this?" That probably sounds weird to people who've never written manga, but I'd like to know about your process. P.S. Good luck with the Ring Fit grind. -Kiki A: First I decide how the dialog needs to play out in order to advance the story in the direction I want. Then, I just let the characters talk among themselves, and if it doesn't turn out right, I go back, shake things up, and try again. And sometimes I get good material, but it just needs to be trimmed or re-arranged just right.

Q: A lot of your stories have some sort of turning point where the back half really kicks it up a notch and things just keep getting more intense. Do you already have these developments planned when you start a manga? -TKO A: I usually have a few ideas but it's always pretty vague. I never know if I'm gonna wind up putting in or cutting certain scenes, so I don't worry about it too much.

Q: Do you have one favorite scene or a particular line from your own work? -yamatozo A: At the beginning of Spirit Circle volume 6, where the bad guy falls down the stairs and goes "I've made a lot of missteps".

Q: Do you have any idea of what genre you'd like to draw next? -Umehoshi A: I won't say no, but I don't want to give anything away (for my next work, or this one).

Q: If you weren't successful as a manga artist, where do you think you would be? -Ayuta A: Jail. But I'd be a model prisoner.

Q: How much longer do you think you'd like to continue as a manga artist? -Ayuta A: If I could pay the bills for the rest of my life with 24 pages a month, that's just what I'd do. At some point maybe I'll get to be unsatisfied with that and start to push myself to work more and more until I get sick of it, but no telling when that might come.

Q: How do you think of your character's names? -Takeshi A: They just come to me. I look at how I designed the characters and just imagine.

Q: I feel like some kind of forgiveness or absolution is something a lot of your characters go through. Does "forgiveness" have a special significance to you? -Bow-wow A: I'm not sure. Maybe it's me who is seeking forgiveness.

Q: Do you have a favorite phrase or motto? A: I like Shigeru Mizuki's (Gegege no Kitaro) 7 Rules of Being Happy. I don't really go around saying them or anything, but it's something I like to remind myself of, and helps me be mindful of other people. Also, I like "fortune favors the bold."

Q: You like frogs enough that you always draw yourself as one. What do you like about frogs? And do you have a favorite species? A: Frogs are cute. I like green tree frogs the best.

Q: You've drawn a lot of different youkai in Sengoku Youko, but out of all the youkai that most people know from stories, which is your favorite? Could it be the Chan Chu (chinese money toad), or possibly the oogama (monstrous giant toad)? A: My favorite youkai is Mizuki Shigeru.

Q: You've been doing Ring Fit, and eating oatmeal, are you doing anything else to help stay in shape? A: I put the Karakuri Circus season one and season two OP on a playlist and listen to it while I walk to work.

Q: If you were stranded all alone on a deserted island, what are the three things you would want to have with you? A: Really? Okay. I would bring two essential tools I can't find on an island, and a map.

Q: Do you have a favorite actor or celebrity? -Umehoshi A: Nope.

Q: What's the best kind of alcohol and snacks you've had? Where did you drink it? -Ikaninjin A: In the middle of a hellish summer and probably suffering from heatstroke at an amusement park with my kid, I had the best beer of my life in an air-conditioned food court. And the delicious spice to top it off was the bright sun knifing through the window that I just knew was tormenting everyone still outside.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up? -Ayuta A: A youkai.

Q: What does your internal mindscape look like? -Rou A: An empty lot.

Q: Has anything happened recently that you're happy about? -Sanachan A: My son is starting to read and write.

Q: What kind of hotpot are you looking forward to this winter? -Tommy A: I'm not crazy about hotpot.

Q: I'd like to go to another event where we can toast again, would you consider it?

-Uta

A: If current events allow.

Q: How many times have you thought about quitting Ring Fit? -Honyarara A: 2 or 3 times. A week.

Q: I know you call it your "100-day Ring Fit Diary" on twitter, but since you've been taking breaks too, will you be going past 100? Will the illustrations be collected and published anywhere? -The Dieting Gentleman A: I'm going until I clear adventure mode, but it'll probably be finished by the time this article is up. I'll probably do some sets here and there. No plans for the illustrations.

Q: Do you have a favorite panel out of all your works? -Umehoshi A: You guys are really focused on my favorite everything. I have a lot of panels I like, not one in particular.

Q: Hi, I really enjoy all of your works, and there's one thing I think I notice (sorry if I'm wrong), and that's a love of glasses girls. Out of your manga so far, which is your favorite of all your glasses girls? Do you have a particular girl you've become a fan of recently? As for myself, I really like Yoru from Sanjin Sadou, so I'd love to see a story with her and her sister! -Bashi A: Glasses girls aren't particularly a thing for me.

Q: When you're doing authographs or sketches, does it bother you at all if people request characters from your past works? If I get a chance, I would probably ask for Hyou Shimaki from Biscuit Hammer, for instance. -Akasha A: If it's a promo event for a Mag Garden title, and you were to ask for a character from a Gahosha title, for instance, it might technically bump up against merchandising contracts, which makes it a little weird (I'm typically not allowed to to create any merchandise without going through the publisher), but my managing editors are usually cool enough about it. But if it's specifically a Sengoku Youko event, for instance, and I'm constantly getting asked for Biscuit Hammer drawings (let's say more than half), that would probably be an issue and they might make a rule against it for next time. Also, I tend to forget how the older characters actually looked. For personal reasons, I probably won't be doing any in-person events like this for a while, though. There's also the whole "current state of the world" thing, and my profitability and if bookstores actually want to do it, a lot of issues to solve.

Q: You usually draw Anima working out on Twitter, but did you have plans for any other characters to show up doing Ring Fit? (Like from Angel or Sanjin) -RYO A: I did, but forgot.

Q: Will you put together another oneshot collection, like Geko Geko? -Friday A: I don't know.

Q: Question! What is love? -Shirae A: To live is to love.

Q: How about this, do you have any questions you want to ask your readers? -Buriki A: Would you rather have: A. One series a month, from roughs to completion, all done by me B: Two series a month, with roughs by me and final touches by someone else

Q: I know thinking positive is half the battle, but what can I do about people who're determined to get me down? Can I give them a Samidare Punch? -Nondakure A: Your fist, and the choice of how to use it, belongs to you alone.

[sleeplessandstubborn]

Emily in Paris episode 3 or it’s still more accurate than American media recent coverture on France.

Ah, I had to write that title. And I am not even talking about American Twitter. But yeah. Feel better. Somewhat I have the impression that this is going to substitute the still a better love story than Twilight in my mind. But, I’m sorry, Stephenie Meyer, I am not here for that but to make a belated, totally improvised, not at all completely planned recap of Episode 3 of Emily in Paris, your favourite Instagram version of the French capital.

So episode 3 starts with our heroine running, as she usually does every morning. Why this Paris is more empty than the town where I live which has like 25,000 inhabitants? So many questions about where did people go. The case is her boss in Chicago calls. Yes, the one who speaks French and should be now best friends with Sylvie but it’s stuck in Chicago with her pregnancy.

I know, Madeline, I know. It would be frustrating for me too that the main trait of my personality was I’m pregnant and on my bed. They both exchange about how now that Doug dumped her Emily’s life is full of croissants and sex, when actually is about sex. Also Emily meets street furniture. As does Madeline, too. I guess that’s not the kind of idea she had of meeting French men. Thanks Anne! Hidalgo of course.

Madeline is sending Emily the corporate commandments for Savoir. Yikes, I thought again, a cultural clash is coming and what are corporate commandments anyway (I don’t know, sounds tacky, I’m just a puzzled European), but for now there are another problems to solve. Emily’s shower breaks, the building manager only speaks French and of course our leading lady is still struggling with understanding it. Also, sidenote: manager building is right with Miss Cooper. Only problems.

Fortunately Gabriel exists and he helps her to break the language barrier. But this isn’t going to magically repair her shower and so Emily has to wash her hair in one of humanity’s wonders, one apex of civilization, the bidet. It’s supposed to be a bad hair day for her afterwards but... Does she look that different? Well, not for me! Discuss:

This shows... A character development! At last! Emily is trying to learn French, and even if her beret isn’t going to help in the task, is good to see she’s trying to adapt. Still, she’s overdoing a bit with that Gioconda bag.

I mean, girl. Relax. In order to improve her knowledge, she tries to trick her teacher - who considers a working place full of French people must be an interesting environment where to study the behaviour of the Emily Cooperius Chicagoensis but refuses the pleasure of her company if there’s not a 50 euros banknote in between. Business is business after all. Cut to Emily reuniting with my adored godess Sylvie, whose elegance and beauty only can be matched with the flag of the twelve stars in the background. Ah, Freude, schöner Götterfunken/ Tochter aus Elysium,/ Wir betreten feuertrunken/ Himmlische, dein Heiligtum!

Well, the case is they are going to film the advertisement for De l’Heure today and it’s an important thing Emily keeps her mouth closed and unsmiling because she looks stupid, at least in Sylvie’s opinion. I’d say more scary but well.

Luc and Julien receive them with the enraged face of every European citizen who just met an aggresive attempt  of being forced into the American Way of Doing Things. Which they refuse naturally. Madeline just sent the corporate commandments and everyone is pissed at nonsense like giving praise in public and critizising in private. But off to filming the spot for the perfume. The location is the Pont d’Alexandre III that has featured in like 20,000 advertisement for fragrances. Here they met Antoine and Emily has the twentieth humiliating experience with languages telling she’s horny out of a sudden when she wanted to mean excited.

Emily meets the model, a Serbian blonde beauty that doesn’t speak French, that’s her personality trait. Our heroine seems rejoiced to find at least a kindred soul but we won’t have more time with the model, whose task is to walk across the bridge naked - or wearing the perfume, Antoine says - , while surrounded by men in costumes. The campaign Dream of Beauty, in short. Emily’s reaction is this:

Antoine argues this is meant to represent the woman’s fantasy, to be desired by all these men. Emily doesn’t think this is going to be appreciated by women at the other side of the Atlantic ocean and says the idea is sexists rather than sexy. Filming stop for they to debate, which seems expensive. Stopping, not debating. Without entering on what fantasies are valid or not and who actually pays attention to advertisements for fragrances - I am not one of these people - we don’t get to learn if Emily knows who Cocteau was.

The following morning the plumber can’t fix Emily’s shower. His gestures are pretty easy to understand, as it’s an universal fact that often the pieces needed to repair are not immediately available. Anyway, Emily asks Gabriel to help her with translation again. She must pay him or something. The thing doesn’t get to be fixed and Emily gets to shower in Gabriel’s appartment.

Maybe he has a fantasy of some sort here? Who knows. At the office and after her class, Emily’s first conversation of the day with Sylvie goes, as usual, for a rocky start. She has made lost money and time to the company, her boss argues, and on top of that she’s the prude police. The final straw for Emily immediately after that is that someone (called Luc) drew a dick on the Sacred Corporate Commandments. Having forgotten the fact that drawing penises is part of the human nature since the dawn of times, Emily doesn’t take well the profanation. It’s too much so she goes to lunch with Mindy.

Mindy - who is celebrating a party later and invites her - rolls her eyes at the corporate commandments and more or less say she deserves the hate because she could not expect French people were going to receive that gladly because they are against all. Well, it’s one of their multiple charms. “People like me! That’s my thing!” , Emily argues. Oh my sweet Summer child... Once back at the office, the commercial is as nonsensical as your average perfume commercial. Emily suggests a poll on Twitter to decide if it’s sexy or sexists. Bad or good, they’ll have publicity. Sounds about right?

One day I want to be Sylvie when she answers, after Emily invited her to Mandy’s party: Sorry, I’m busy. Also when she goes on with a mini the reason you suck moment: “You come to Paris. You walk into my office. You don’t even bother to learn the language. You treat the city like it’s your amusement park”. Apparently Emily can’t wrap her head around the idea of not everyone liking her and that you don’t have why to be friends with your bosses or workmates. Girl, just a civilized relationship with them is enough. Anyway... Emily does invite her, incapable of taking a no for an answer.

As predictable - don’t say you didn’t predict it - the party is a bit crowded and, leaving aside Mindy, Emily doesn’t know anyone there. Because, Sylvie knowing better, she didn’t show up. Well done Madame. Out of water again, Emily finds an apparently cute boy who engages in a conversation with her. With hand kissing at the balcony at all.

All it’s very romantic until, when they are strolling the streets and after flirting a bit, Fabien I think was his name - sorry, not checking again - tells her he likes American pussies. This is too much information all of a sudden for Emily - even if it could lead her to learn another the meaning of a new French word, equally related with felines - and storms off to Gabriel’s restaurant. Why is a thing the chef is there, available to serve her a glass of wine, I don’t know, I didn’t write this thing. But finally, finally, FINALLY our heroine says she’s going to stop trying being liked by everyone. Thank you Paris, you inspired some adult realities on Emily’s brain. It’s also a productive night after all because Gabriel says he likes her. So... yay? Since many of you have already seen the complete season, you know that things are... more complicated than that.

Of course the last three minutes of the episode are reserved for Emily Was Right After All moments. The poll is a success even if the commercial is not universally liked - but as Emily has learn this is not that important anymore -, she takes revenge on Luc bringing a dick shaped bread, or cake - I don’t know exactly what it is - which is a funny and irreverent way to respond him aaaand... finds a present from Antoine on her desk, lingerie from La Perla. Which is, ew, a bit creepy.

Aaaand that was all. I had to rewatch it because it had been eras since I last wrote about this series. I promise to be more disciplined with the next ones. Until then.

P.S. Down with Corporation Commandments.

[inthediamondsky]

SHINee in the Good Place

What We Owe To Each Other:

This is for you, Jonghyun🌙✨

**TRIGGER WARNING**

note: I am not trying to tell any other shawols how to grieve. Trust me, I’ve gotten enough advice, both well-meaning and not, to know that it’s not helpful. I hope that all of you are able to grieve however you want, and that those you care about are there for you today. I wanted to write this because this very recently made blog has become my safe space to share my feelings about SHINee without the unsolicited input of a thousand twitteratti. Truth be told, I haven’t talked about this in three years. I don’t think I’ve ever really confronted my own grief. And I wanted to do that here. Yes, ITS LONG AND WORDY. I’m well aware that these posts aren’t exactly conducive to the short-attention-span era. My blog is nothing if not on-brand. But this one’s not really for everyone. This one’s for me.

Prologue: “It’s okay not to feel lucky sometimes.” - Jane Villanueva, Jane the Virgin

Nothing makes me more incensed than when people try to comfort me by saying, “think about how lucky you are.” Objectively, yes, in many ways and compared to many people, I am lucky. Certainly, I am lucky to exist, here, now, because how else would I have met the people that I am about to spend thousands of words writing about? But grief isn’t objective. It’s not supposed to make sense. Maybe the fact that it doesn’t make sense doesn’t make it any less real. Maybe that’s okay.

Chapter 1:

“Since nothing seems to make sense, when you find something or someone that does, it’s euphoria” - Janet, The Good Place

I know why I fell in love with SHINee. At least, I know how I found them. But what I’m not so sure about is why I stayed in love with them for over a decade. It’s a love that I can’t explain all that well. It’s not comparable to how I love my family or my friends or how I loved my significant others when we were in a relationship. It’s not all that similar to how I love my favorite sports teams, because those are entities more than individual people. Certainly, I admire SHINee. That’s a big part of it. I think they have accomplished a great many things. I have learned a lot from them. I enjoy their music and performances. But I can’t pretend that I love them because they are objectively the greatest; love, like grief, isn’t objective. All I can say is that loving them always made sense. Life rarely makes sense, and loving them did. So it was, as Janet says, euphoric.

I think the reason was that they always made sense TOGETHER. As a unit. As five. I always felt like they were born to perform together. Maybe that’s cheesy, but to me, it’s obvious. I don’t think that SHINee themselves would ever say that; they are a team strictly against self-mythologizing. Very practical and humble people, those five, and I love them for it. But even with their humility, their pride in their team sometimes leaks out around the edges. On the “SHINee’s Back” special, when Minho talked about remembering how SM announced their team one day: a sheet of paper titled “2007 Trainees to Prepare for Debut” with their names, 이진기 김종현 김기범 최민호 이태민, listed underneath. And on Minho’s episode of 청담-Key친, when Minho and Key talked about the fact that they remembered Lee Sooman’s voice telling them, “I’ve decided on your team name. Your name is SHINee,” like it was yesterday, that they couldn’t forget it if they tried. There’s a reverence in their voices when they talk about those moments. Like somehow, someway, it was meant to be.

I got to see the five of them on stage together once. SHINee World V. In Seoul. And I’ve never felt more strongly that musically, performance-wise, it all made so much sense. It was the one where Jinki hurt his ankle but insisted on coming back out to finish performing with the rest of them. It was heartbreaking in the moment, but it also made sense. It checked out with the fact that they are the ultimate professionals, who care so much and work so hard for the impeccable quality of their live performances. And it checked out because we all intuitively knew: SHINee is five. Like somehow, someway, it was meant to be. That was my dream. Maybe it’s unfair to project that on them, but it was. That the five of them, and my knowing the five of them and everyone else that I loved, it was all meant to be.

Chapter II:

“Time is cruel and indiscriminate and entirely uninterested in supporting our dreams.” - Joe Posnanski, on the career of Ken Griffey Jr.

Human beings live with the knowledge that we will die. As Eleanor says in The Good Place, that truth means that we’re all a little sad, all the time. But somehow, we’re also foolish enough to simultaneously believe that we always have more time. Especially, that we have more time with those that we love. But we don’t. It always runs out, a little too soon, when we’re not ready. We’re never ready. And it never makes sense.

I had moved to America by then. So it was the afternoon of the 17th when I found out. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Or so they say. I can speak to a couple of those: To this day, nothing makes me angrier than when YouTube recommends me videos from his funeral. Like I have a right to see it, or that those people had a right to film it. We don’t. None of us do. And sometimes I rewatch enough old variety shows and interviews and concert recordings that for a couple hours, even now, I think that he’s still here. I can still trick myself like that, even three years later. Oh, the magic of the internet: fueling anger and denial since its inception.

At my darkest, I allow myself to be depressed. Because it is all too cruel, too cold, too much. The fact that such a beautiful artist was taken from us too early. The fact that such a beautiful person was taken from us too early. The fact that this world was cruel enough that he decided to leave on his own.

I miss him. Of course I do. What I wouldn’t give to see him, here, happy, just one more time. Days like today, I pop in my SHINee World V DVD for the millionth time and cry, again. But I don’t like to grieve for myself. I don’t really feel like I deserve to. If I did, would I be grieving for him, or grieving for the idea of him? What he meant to me, or what it meant to have him mean something to me? I didn’t really know him. It’s okay for me to be sad. It’s okay for me to miss him. But is it okay for me to grieve? I ask myself this every day, because I think about him every day.

Undoubtedly, I am angry at the circumstances that led to his death, especially that my country, our country, still largely ignores mental health (dismissing it as fake or a sign of weakness) while promoting a workaholic, tough-it-out culture and thus suffers from one of the highest rates of suicide in the world. I love my country. That same workaholic culture has led us to excel at a great many things. But the mental health epidemic that has followed is one of our most glaring and tragic flaws, and one that we are still largely failing to address. I will never stop fighting for that to change. And I will never, never get over the fact that their last performances before he died, especially the final stops on their suddenly-ironically-named FIVE tour in Japan, were performed as four. How could life be so cruel? And preventably so. For that, I will never stop being angry.

But I do grieve, profoundly and truly, for those who loved him. Not as I do, for it would be terribly unfair to reduce him to that: an idea more than a person, an endless inspiration more than a living being with hopes and dreams and flaws and failings. No, I grieve for those who loved him in a close and real and visceral way. People who were close enough to not only watch him and listen to him to be happy, as I do, but were saddened by him and frustrated by him and annoyed by him too. That’s all a part of real love, as much as any of the happy bits. I grieve for them because, obviously, I have no idea what it is like to die. But I do know what it is like to lose somebody too soon to a death that is too cruel. Too sudden. Too nonsensical. Under those same preventable circumstances, in that same country.

There’s a story that many shawols know. A PD at some music show (I forget which one) posted it on their Instagram after Jonghyun’s death. Taemin was wrapping up his Day and Night promotions at the end of 2017, and the PD wrote that he would never forget the earnest look in Taemin’s eyes as he asked him to look after Jonghyun, since he was supposed to come back in early 2018. The earnest look in his eyes. Every time, that phrase: it feels like a punch in the gut. He asked so earnestly. How could it not have come true? I remember asking someone to look after my friend, to check up on her, a couple of days before she died. Earnestly. How could it not have come true?

“Irresolvable guilt,” they call it. Guilt that makes it impossible to let go. Guilt that never goes away. Guilt that is only amplified when everyone you see says that they’re sorry for you, when you can’t even forgive yourself. You’re still sorry for the words you didn’t say and the words you did, because there are never enough words afterwards to sum up how happy they made you or how much you loved them or how sorry you are for that one time you yelled at them about something that wasn’t their fault. There are never enough words, and they can’t hear you anyway, so you just cycle through the same ones again and again: 고맙다 미안하다 보고싶다 사랑한다 thank you I’m sorry I love you I miss you. There’s the guilt that you weren’t enough for them to tell you everything or that you were busy that night. Because what if you hadn’t been? Could you have saved them? And you feel guilty, more than anything, for the time you didn’t spend together. If only you had known that it was finite. The truth is, you did. But the problem is, humans always think that they have more time.

Chapter III:

- “Time means nothing. Jeremy Bearimy, baby. We’ll get through this, and then you and I can chill out in the dot of the “i” forever.” -“Right. We’ll be okay. We found each other before, hundreds of times. We can do it again.” - Eleanor and Chidi, The Good Place

2017 was shitty. I lost someone so present in my everyday life that every single thing I do, even now, reminds me of them. And so did SHINee. But I went through my loss and my grief privately. They weren’t given that opportunity. All the cameras, all the attention. It horrified me from the start. The way that a bunch of people who’d never cared about SHINee or Jonghyun when he was alive started to roll around in grief porn like pigs in mud. In the aftermath of a loss in my own life, to see it played out in the lives of more people that I cared about, and on a much bigger scale, was unbelievably triggering. I couldn’t watch. I couldn’t watch people ask them about their loss for the sole purpose of indulging their own curiosity. Like they’re supposed to have the words to explain why all of this happened? It disgusted me.

In a life where nothing ever made sense, especially after the death of my friend, SHINee always had. And then suddenly, it all turned upside down.

I couldn’t watch for two years after that. Not just all of the interviews. I never thought that I would ever not want to watch them perform, but I didn’t. I was scared to see the empty space where he used to be, to see four instead of five. It didn’t make sense. But more than anything, I couldn’t watch them grieve. It reminded me too much of myself.

So I, a shawol since 2009, missed their tenth anniversary. I missed TSOL and their enlistments. I missed Jinki’s Voice, Kibum’s Face, and Taemin’s Want promotions. It was only less a year ago, when all of the kpop world, other than my fellow shawols, had largely moved on, that I could come back to them. It had been two years since they lost their friend, and a couple more since I had lost my own. We’d been through a lot. It seemed like a good time to come back together.

In the meantime, I had watched The Good Place. I’ve been to a lot of therapy, but nothing came close to being as healing as watching that show. That moment, at the end of season three, when Eleanor has to let Chidi forget her and their love for each other, and she says that they’ve found each other hundreds of times, so they can do it again? I don’t believe in afterlife, but god, I’ve never wanted to believe more strongly. That there exists a place, a good place, where time means nothing and we can find the people that we love the most over and over and over again, no matter what. A place where everything makes sense. Where SHINee can be five, forever. Where I can be with the people I’ve lost, forever. I want that to be true.

Jonghyun, if it’s true, let me know? Friend, if it’s true, let me know? Is there such a good place? A place of warm winters and coming springs? Are you there?

When I came back to SHINee in 2020, it wasn’t the same. How could it be? It couldn’t be, and it shouldn’t be. But still, he was there. There is no doubt in my mind that he was there, with them, through everything that they did. I watched the interviews and the variety shows, but more than anything, the performances. Sometimes it looked like four and it hurt to see. But if I squinted, sometimes it looked like five, like it always was. It sounded like five, like it always was. Maybe it was meant to be. Maybe time means nothing. Maybe all of this, all of it, wasn’t a pipe dream. Maybe it makes sense. Maybe they can find each other over and over and over again.

Maybe my friend and I can too.

Chapter IV:

“I proposed a rule, that Chidis shouldn’t be allowed to leave, because it would make Eleanors sad. And I could do this forever... and I’d still never find the justification for getting you to stay, because it’s a selfish rule. I owe it to you to let you go.” - Eleanor, The Good Place

I remember how shocked I was to hear Kibum say in one of their tenth anniversary interviews (my rough translation), “If we had it really hard, I could make up a grand story about how we scratched and clawed to get to our tenth anniversary. But we didn’t. We just kept going, and now we’re here.” I remember thinking, “Well if YOU didn’t have it hard, who did?”

Partly, it was their humility. You know, acknowledging big company bias and all that jazz. But mostly, I think, they wanted everyone to know that this was not a story of struggle and redemption. Jonghyun was more than a storytelling device. He was more than a challenge for them to get over. They didn’t think of him as a supporting character in their own stories: he was the main one in his own. As always, SHINee taught me something that I had been too scared to learn. Wise souls, those five, and I love them for it.

Following the death of my friend, I wallowed into my own sadness and depression for years. I let my other relationships fall apart under that burden. But eventually, especially now as I watch back all of the things that SHINee has said through the last three years, I realized that a lot of that grief was selfish. That I wasn’t grieving for my friend, but that I was feeling sorry for myself. That I had to go through this. That I had to shoulder this loss. What did I do to deserve this pain? At some point, my grief stopped being about her, and it became about me. It was never supposed to be about me. She was more than what she meant to me. She was the main character in her own story.

It’s no comfort to hear it from others, but I know: I am lucky that this was how it was meant to be. As Winnie the Pooh says, how lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard?

I could wallow forever. She did, in the end, mean that much to me. I’m absolutely sure that they could wallow around forever too. Jonghyun meant that much to them, too. But I think we both came to the same realization, albeit under different timelines, that we owed them something. No matter how much it hurt, we owed it to them to let them go. Letting go isn’t the same thing as giving up on them or forgetting them. After all, they say that best friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget. Because we loved them that much. Even when we want forget, we can’t. Even when Chidi left Eleanor, their love never stopped existing. Like he said, when the wave returns to the ocean, it looks like it was never there. But the wave was just a different way for the water to be, for a little while. The water is still there. The water, our love for those we cherish the most, is always there. It was always meant to be.

So I thank The Good Place for comforting me and healing me when I was at my lowest. And I thank SHINee for inspiring me and allowing me to grow with them for over ten years, all through the tireless pandemonium that is life. You mean so much to me, more than I think I have succeeded in expressing here. And to Jonghyun, and my friend, what more is there to say? 고맙다. 미안하다. 보고싶다. 사랑한다. Thank you for everything. I’m sorry for everything. I miss you everyday. I love you, forever.

*standing on the road we walked together again, those five hands folded together, the tears, the memories... it’s all so clear, I don’t want to forget, I can never forget (Taemin’s lyrics from Our Page)

[anakinthetrashking]

Ok, so you reblogged my post about bnha fic recs and I also looked through the ones you linked and I LOVED THEM. If its alright to ask, would you happen to have more Protective Aizawa or possibly Dadmic or Protective Present Mic? Also Protective Midnight or Momnight? Only if you have! Thanks! -bnhastanning

I somehow stupidly lost my reply to this ask, not once, but TWICE. at the end, when i was almost done. im so sorry but this will be the crappiest version yet... (also! hello, fellow batfam fan... *spiderman pointing meme*)

I read a lot of fic and i loooooove sharing them with people, so thanks for giving me an excuse to do this!! :D

lots of fics, so im putting them under the read more! One of these days I’ll get around to making more organized fic rec posts...

Dadmic: only a couple, and tbh i think they have more dadzawa in them?? Secondary Colors by NaoNazo

"You got pushed down the stairs... and you're apologizing for it," he stated blandly. "That seems counterintuitive." "Um... sorry?" Izuku whispered. He was starting to shake a little, adrenaline flooding his veins and leaving him cold. He had no idea what Purple was going for with his blunt statements and the hand reaching toward his shoulder as if to steady him, but apologizing was generally safe. "You don't have to apologize, dude. I don't know your name, but I doubt it's actually Deku." "Um. Midoriya." Izuku peered sideways at Purple as they rounded the corner. "Izuku Midoriya. Deku is just, um, just what my... friends call me." He winced. "Sounds real friendly."

and Cat Days by Griffinrose

Izuku has a shapeshifting quirk. He's not the best at controlling it, especially under stress. So when tragedy strikes and he gets lost in the city, he's stuck as a cat. At least he found a nice underground hero to take him in?

Pied Piper by Blackholeca has some really great concerned Dadmic in recent chapters!!

If they wouldn’t give him a chance then the solution seemed simple, he’d give himself one. He’d force the world to see him, force them to recognize his hard work. He wasn’t missing a quirk, it was simply that everyone else had been given an advantage. He wasn’t broken, or useless, or incapable, and he’d prove it by outrunning all of them, he who was quirkless, he who had started in last.

As for momnight, there are also only a couple, and im also not caught up with these either. i have a little bit more of an excuse with these, as Indefinite by OwlF45 is really REALLY long, as well as intense. Worth the read though! I just gotta catch up! So much mindblowing stuff in that, and the Momnight is really sweet.

It comes with the package deal of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Midoriya gets another chance at life, but he must throw it away when that dreaded day comes. After all, a life for nineteen is more than a fair trade.

Or: the world will rise or fall, and it depends on one boy protecting Class 1-A to prevent the inevitable.

The other Momnight one I have is A Single Reason by TheDeepSeaWitch. Also really good, but really intense and I’ve had to take a break because I was getting a bit depressed, whoops. But I liked it!

Training begins the next day, and doesn’t stop for any reason. They wait for heroes, then for police, then for anyone to save them, but nobody comes.

It’s only a month before Izuku forgets their names. It’s a year before he forgets his own.

It’s only a chance meeting with an impassioned soul eight long, painful years later that saves them.

---------------------------------

They thought they were lost forever, that there was no future out there for them with their scars so visible and the blood on their hands still pungent and red. But if they have the strength to try, then perhaps, one day, they may yet find their forgiveness, and rediscover themselves along the way.

The Reforming Villains AU nobody asked for.

For Dadzawa:

Flare Signal by achievingelsium, of course! Annie writes some of my absolute fav dadzawa content, so definitely check it out!!

AU. Midoriya Izuku shouldn't be surprised he ended up like this: hiding the secret of One for All from his own father, the notorious villain Dragon. The path to being a hero is a hard one.

Or; Izuku is an aspiring hero forced to work for his father’s villain organization. Then he runs into All Might.

Izuku Ya’broker by Dreamillusions, is a fic i loved a LOT.

Perhaps you should actually listen to the news every once in a while, so you wouldn't end up in these kinds of situations. What kinds of situations? Glad you asked. Look at Izuku, for example. You would think Izuku would be at home after school, safe and sound from anyone attempting to, you know, kill him. But no, Izuku decided to roam around. Because of a bet. This is the kind of a situation you shouldn't end up in. Don't be Izuku.

Butterfly by aconstantstateofbladerunner, is rightfully popular! It has some horror/suspense themes though, so if thats not your style, try one of Blade’s other fics!! She’s a seriously good writer.

The first over-night trip off campus since the training camp was supposed to be a fun break from more intense work back home.  But between a bleak introduction to chaos theory, a chilly reception from the locals, and the looming threat of a villain attack, Izuku has too much on his mind to properly enjoy the fresh air.  But those worries are a light breeze compared to the hurricane that accompanies what he finds on the outskirts of town.

Or rather, what finds him.

A House Divided Against Itself by BeyondTheClouds777, another one of my fav fics by a great writer!

"Become a villain," they said.

“I’ll be a villain,” he said.

He lied. He’s only there so he can tear apart the League of Villains from the inside out.

The scars we carry by Banana_Ink is a great AU with plenty of Dadzawa

Aizawa rescued Izuku from the league of villains and takes care of the child for now. Izuku has two quirks in this AU, one natural - Forced Quirk Activation - and one that AFO 'gifted' him with - Self-Heal. He has a pretty big handprint-scar on his face and started as a problem child, scared and wary of people. But Aizawa managed to help him slowly heal.

This AU is just some silly little thing I came up in my freetime and like to add to it as I go, so I don't have a plan at all. Mostly I write for fun so I hope you might enjoy this as well :D

Ticked Off by Xenolis is a fic that I just want to rec all the time,,, for some reason...

~ ON HIATUS/OCCASIONAL UPDATES ~ Midoriya Izuku attracted trouble. It was just a fact of life – the sky was blue, the grass was green, and Izuku constantly found himself in an absurd number of deadly situations. He was okay with that. Mortal peril was an average Tuesday afternoon for a Pro Hero like him. Being kidnapped was practically a holiday. Saving civilians as a building collapsed around him was easier than facing his worried mum afterwards. He had dealt with All Might's disappointed dad stare and only cried for two hours afterwards. A serial killing villain with an unknown Quirk would be no problem! ..but even Izuku had to admit that being sent back in time to his first day at UA wasn't on the agenda. Still, there was no-one more spitefully determined than him – he was going to make the most of it. Yeah, good luck, heroes and villains alike! Deku was here to cause mischief and love his friends!

Toward A Bright Future by LazyRainDancer holds a special, soft place in my heart. I always want to go reread it after watching the show and I always want to rewatch the show after reading it. it never ends

You wake up at UA, the highest ranked hero school in the country, with no recollection of how you got there. Unfortunately, those aren't the only memories you're missing. Still, you can't let a little amnesia get in the way of you warning the school about the attack you know will happen during Class 1-A's field trip to the USJ. After you deliver your warning, you're beyond shocked when the principal offers you a position as a TA for Class 1-A. You accept the position in hopes that you'll be able to use your Quirk to help protect the students. It'll be far from easy, but you're determined to do whatever it takes to change the students' future for the better.

The rest don’t really have Dadzawa? But theyre really good so I had to rec them anyway

once forgotten, twice removed by blueh, good writer for multiple fandoms

“Yes,” All for One agreed. “This will be the final resting place of All Might.” “You,” Midoriya Izuku said and paused, thinking over the words. He sounded taken aback. “You want me to help fight All Might.” “Of course,” All for One nodded along. “I can offer you double of whatever my counterpart is paying you currently, along with anything your little heart could desire. Of course, you would get to help out drastically—" “Did you happen to check what world you were pulling me out of when you did this?” Midoriya Izuku interrupted and it was said in such an incredulous tone that had the situation not been as critical as it was, All Might would have laughed. Also known as: number one hero Deku has been through a lot of things, but being thrust into an alternate reality where he’s All for One’s Successor is a first.  He has to navigate this world when his alternate self is a villain dead-set on killing him and all of this version of class 1-A. All the while, his friends search desperately for a way to get him back.

Office Space by Caelismylife quirkless izuku gets a job at UA analyzing quirks, HECK YES

It took a little time, but he eventually found himself with a job at UA. The revolving door of heroes was not in the contract.

To Repair with Gold by TitleUnwanted FEEEEELS

AU. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, biggest lie in the world. Tattoos, which appeared when quirks did, are when a person feels an impact on something they are told and it becomes inked on their body, the closer they show to your heart the deeper the impact it has on the person.

For Izuku this is a blessing and a curse.

An Accident at Workstudy by Galactic_Jax been enjoying this one!

Izuku is working hard to prove himself at his work study, but it's hard when Sir Nighteye has made it clear he's not wanted. But what happens when Izuku is caught in a villain attack on his way to the agency? Will a few revelations about his most recent intern's past be enough for Sir Nighteye to change his mind about All Might's successor?

Nice to Meet You? by Allwalkfree didn’t know i needed this until i read it           

Kirishima introduces Bakugou to his favorite senpai. In which over several encounters Bakugou and Amajiki learn to become tentative friends.

A Study in Firsts by Oceanbreeze7 dorm shenanigans AND feels

There’s a first time for everything. The first time everyone crammed in Momo’s room to study, a mess of limbs and books on her bed. The first time Mina burned crepes so badly the smoke alarm went off. The first time a jumpscare got Sero so badly, he flipped off the back of the couch. The first time Uraraka fell asleep at the table and accidentally sent it floating. The first time someone realized Todoroki walked far too quietly, and far too cautiously around the dorms to be normal. The first time Midoriya broke his toe on a door frame and kept walking through it. The first time Kirishima woke up screaming through the walls. The first time Tsuyu blanched at the sight of a needle. The first time Bakugo dropped, clutching the back of his neck with eyes scarily vacant and detonating everything around him until Aizawa had to intervene. It wasn’t always pretty, but the dorms were filled with firsts.

Hero Class Civil Warfare by Roguedruid extremely satisfying to read

Heroes lead by Bakugo. Villains lead by Midoriya. Seven days prep time. Three days for Izuku Midoriya to show why they should be glad he's not a real villain.

A Fleeting Smile by AnonymousTwit good bakugou content

Or a collection of fifteen Bakusquad one shots where someone outside of the Bakusquad catches a rare glimpse of a friendlier side of Bakugou Katsuki, and one time that is specifically reserved for the four people that he hates the least.

Hope this gives you something to work with!!! I have more(and am always adding) in my bookmarks on AO3, but this should be a good start! Hopefully you’ll find at least one that you love! have a great day!!!! -Ani <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[thatspaceace]

⚠Warning, latest Sanders sides episode spoilers⚠

My friend @onelongboy and I rewatched the latest Sanders Sides episode a few days ago and decided to think about it. We started by looking at what people have said on tumblr and came across a post by @metatoshi about the code. But I will get to that later.

We had started with Janus' name. We looked up the meaning and got that Janus is a Roman god of two faces and transitions. We looked up the meaning of the other sides and their orgins too.

Virgil was a very famous poet. He had twin descendents that were named Romolus and Remus, the creativity twins.

In the twins story, Romulus and Remus had a fight because they were trying to see who could find the most birds. Remus said he found 6 and Romolus said he found 12. Remus accused Romulus of cheating since Remus said he had seen 6 first. Romulus was upset and built a wall between the two. Remus went over the wall and was them killed by his brother.

This is where Janus comes in. When Romulus and kis men were kidnapping the Sabine woman, Janus had made a volcanic spring erupt, killing many of Romulus's men. Romulus then started to respect Janus and worshiped him.

This is where things change. Patton and Logan are not Roman names.

Patton comes from the name Pattrick. Saint Pattrick was famous for the comi ng of Christianity. This could also be seen as change. Logan is also of Irish origin. Logan means mountain, hinting that he may be needed for other to build off of.

From the understanding of their names we started to see how they are connected. Virgil is the start of everything. His descendants founded Rome. One of those descendents had a run in with the god Janus. Many years later, Pattrick came in and changed everything to Christianity. Sometime after the change Logan became a name meaning mountain to hold everything up.

After connecting everything, we figured maybe the sides appeared in the same order as they did in history. The sides were not a huge deal until anxiety became to much to handle. Thomas needed somewhere to channel his anxiety, creating the creativity twins. They might have gotten along well until an argument and the twins built a metaphorical wall separating them. When Roman caused a problem, Janus did what he could to make it right by taking care of Remus. When this eventually became top much for Thomas Patton appeared, making a huge change in Thomas' life. Patton needed someone to rely on so he created Logan, his mountain or his rock.

Once we had gotten here, we started looking deeper into the names.

These are some pictures of the paper we used for a visual.

First we started with a color wheel. We looked at the opposites. Roman and Remus are the obvious opposites. But then you have Virgil and Janus. We figured mayby Virgil isn't comfortable with lying in case someone figures out that Thomas is lying. But then we have blue and orange. The would mean that Logan and Patton are the opposite of the possible new side. We didnt really know where to go from this so this is where we got into the names.

We noticed that Patton and Virgil are the only sides that have 6 letters. Their males also dont have the same ending as anyone else. IL and ON not US or AN. We thought maybe these two sides are more important and possibly closser to Thomas than the rest.

Rather than it being just Virgil being the first side, maybe it was Patton and Virgil. Once Patton couldn't help Virgil with his anxiety as effectively, Virgil created the twins. From there the same as mentioned before with the twins story and Janus coming in. With all of the other sides becoming a lot for Patton, he made Logan as his metaphorical rock.

Then we wanted to see if there was more to Virgil and Patton that we were missing. This is where the code comes in.

I read a book recently where you make an alphabet revolving around your name. You get each letter of your name without repeats and write it down. When you finish your name, you continue the alphabet from the last letter and don't repeat any of the letters.

We decided to use an alphabet for both Patton and Virgil. We used the regular alphabet and found a corresponding number for Virgil's name. We had gotten 22, 9, 18, 7, 9, 12. We put these numbers into Virgil's alphabet and got e, p, a, n, p, t. From here we used those letters and went to see what the matching number would be in Patton's alphabet, getting 16, 1, 2, 5, 1, 3. We put these numbers into the regular alphabet and ended up with p, a, b, e, a, c. We didn't know where to go with this so we stopped with that there.

But that's not where we stopped with the importance of names. We then used another page to write the regular alphabet and Thomas' alphabet. We wrote the name of every side twice so that We would be able to use both alphabets.

We used the regular alphabet to get Virgil's numbers. His numbers were 22, 9, 18, 7, 9, 12. When we plugged his numbers into Thomas' alphabet getting l, w, g, u, w, z. We did the same thing but starting with Thomas' alphabet.

Here is a list of the results:

Virgil 1- 22, 9, 18, 7, 9, 12 and l, w, g, u, w, z.

Virgil 2- 8, 19, 26, 18, 19, 22 and i, s, z, r, s, v.

Roman 1- 18, 15, 13, 1, 14 and g, d, b, t, c.

Roman 2- 26, 3, 4, 5, 23 and z, c, d, e, w.

Patton 1- 16, 1, 20, 20, 15, 14 and e, t, j, j, d, c.

Patton 2- 23, 5, 1, 1, 3, 2 and x, e, a, a, c, b.

Logan 1- 12, 15, 7, 1, 14 and z, d, u, t, c.

Logan 2- 22, 3, 18, 5, 23 and v, c, r, e, w.

Remus 1- 18, 5, 13, 21, 19 and g, a, b, k, i.

Remus 2- 26, 16, 4, 7, 6 and z, p, d, g, f.

Janus 1- 10, 1, 14, 21, 19 and x, t, c, k, i.

Janus 2- 20, 5, 23, 7, 6 and t, e, w, g, f.

Thomas 1- 20, 8, 15, 13, 1, 19 and j, v, d, b, t, i.

Thomas 2- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and a, b, c, d, e, f.

We wanted to see if there was something that all the sides had in common but there was nothing that EVERY side shared. There were some letters that a few of the sides had in common. s, t, e, c, and a. We couldn't think of anything significant about those numbers so we left that there.

Here we started to pay more attention to Thomas' name. In Thomas 1 (as seen above) he had the letters j, v, d, b, t, and i. In Thomas 2 we had the letters a, b, c, d, e, f. We decided to see what letters we could connect to the sides and came up with:

J- Janus

V- Virgil

D- Duke

T- Thomas

I- Intelligence (Logan)

A- Anxiety

C- Creativity

F- Father-figure (Patton)

We noticed that there were only 3 actual names: Janus, Virgil, and Thomas. So we decided to look into their names again:

Janus 1- 10, 1, 14, 21, 19 and x, t, c, k, i.

Janus 2- 20, 5, 23, 7, 6 and t, e, w, g, f.

Virgil 1- 22, 9, 18, 7, 9, 12 and l, w, g, u, w, z.

Virgil 2- 8, 19, 26, 18, 19, 22 and i, s, z, r, s, v.

Thomas 1- 20, 8, 15, 13, 1, 19 and j, v, d, b, t, i.

Thomas 2- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and a, b, c, d, e, f.

We looked through all of the names to see what they had in common and only found similarities in Janus and Thomas. e, f, t, and i. We used the corresponding numbers in the regular alphabet and got the new letters e, f, a, and s. When you put those numbers backwards it spells 'safe'

So going back to what we had thought earlier, we had thought that Virgil was an origional side, the cause of the rest of the sides.

We thought that Virgil might be an evil side and maybe Janus is trying to protect Thomas from Virgil. Virgil is associated with spiders, meaning that he has six arms to use. And spiders have string and can have a 'web of lies'. Virgil had just enough arms to control everyone. If there is a 7th side, Virgil has exactally enough arms for everyone.

So going back to the names. Patton and Roman are the only sides that don't have a letter of Virgil's name in their 'first new name'. Throughout the series Roman doesn't like Virgil, meaning that Virgil isn't able to keep him undwe control very well. Roman might have been trying to get rid of Virgil because Roman knows what Virgil is doing to Thomas. Patton on the other hand is trying to reason with all of the sides including Virgil.

From here we thought that the new side would be able to stop Virgil from doing something bad. Janus might have been the only side that could get Thomas to feel 'safe' around the new side.

But then we went back to the names. We noticed that h was the only letter of Thomas' name that wasn't in anyone's 'new names'.

We decided we would try to find the h. We used Thomas' house and found the corresponding number in the regular alphabet getting 8 Which is v in Thomas' alphabet. We had gone back and fourth between the alphabets for a while before we had gotten h.

We then used those letters and translated them I to Thomas' alphabet. We ended up with only 2 numbers that didn't appear in both. h and w. We found the corresponding letters. In both alphabets adding them together, getting 11 and 31. We decided to add these and subtract them ending up with 42 and 20. We simplified 42 into 16. From here we found each letter in both alphabets and ended up with j, t, p, and e.

Three of those letters were similar to some names. Janus, Thomas, and Janus.

At this point we thought maybe we were wrong about Virgil being bad. He may be trying to protect Thomas from something (or someone). Janus might still be the only side that can make Thomas feel safe but where does that leave Patton?

That led us to thinking that maybe Virgil /and/ Patton were the first sides. Thomas needed somewhere to channel his anxiety, causing the Creative twins. And Patton needed someone to rely on, making Logan, his 'rock'. Roman betrayed Remus, causing Janus to show up.

This just leaves the new side and their origin. We think that the name might start with an e because that is the only letter that we don't have a corresponding name for.

Thanks for reading,

- Nova 💜🖤🤍