#i remember this every couple months and it makes me want to rip out my hair

[gayclubsoap]

SHE SAID THE PERFECT GIRL BY MAREUX REMINDED HER OF ME HOW COULD I BE SO OBLIVIOUS WHY AM I LIKE THIS??? SOUNDTRACK FOR YOUR BACKSEAT ??? I NEED TO BE HIT OVER THE HEAD WITH A HAMMER TO CATCH WHEN SOMEONE'S SAYING THEY LIKE ME

[accidentcache]

everything i didn't say

feat: college au, frat boy touya x fem!reader (she pronoun is used)

warnings: drinking (3rd year of uni so everyone is of age), language, heavy suggestive bits (slight nsfw), angst if you squint (miscommuncation and emotional constipation yay)

cache notes: 6k read so buckle in motherfuckers. happy birthday to the love of my life and my favorite man in the whole word <3

m.list

touya was an idiot for falling in love with you. 

you have him wrapped around your finger and you aren’t even aware of it. he didn’t know when these feelings developed, but months ago he realized that the thought of you getting intimate with someone other than him made him want to put a hole in the wall. it was a rough revelation on his conscious, and an even heavier one on his heart. 

because truthfully? the two of you were friends. close friends. best friends. 

he met you during the first few days of freshman orientation– you weren’t talking to anyone nor were you making an effort to, and touya was bored and didn’t find anyone interesting enough to sit down with. all it took was one clever and witty line to win you over (and an offer to sneak out and smoke a joint when the upperclassmen weren’t looking) and the rest was history. 

the two of you did everything together. you were inseparable. any party that the two of you attended you were attached to his hip and vice versa. he was a part of you as you were of him. 

as the years went on, touya and yourself had gotten more… affectionate with one another. you were never afraid to flirt openly with him– he returned it, actually– and touya was not scared to sling an arm around your shoulders or even your waist if he was intoxicated enough. 

it was just how the two of you were. 

even currently, you’re teasing him as he follows you to your dorm room. he’s got his dab pen perched between his pointer finger and thumb, taking rips occasionally as he takes lazy strides behind you. the straps of his bag are loosened all the way, so it hangs low on his back and makes him slouch when wears it. 

“why are you even following me right now?” your head tilts back to look at him. your tone is clearly playful, and if that wasn’t enough; the smirk stretching on your lips was another clear sign. “your dorm is on the other side of campus.” 

touya grunts. there’s a dull itch in the back of his head as he tries not to think about how attractive that grin of yours is. “‘m bored and your company isn’t as bad as i make it seem.” his head turns to the side and his tone lowers to a grumble. “plus i like the view.”

you continue forward, a laugh bubbling from your chest. “ouh,” your voice drawls, dripping with ridicule. “the touya todoroki likes my company? i’m so honored.” 

he scoffs in response, bringing the pen to his lips and takes a good four second rip. he holds in the vapors for a couple more seconds, speaking through the exhale as smoke curls around his cheeks. “i take it back,” his lip curls with mock irritation. “you’re annoying and infuriating and insufferable and–”

he cuts himself off. comes to a complete stop behind you, and it’s involuntary what comes out of his mouth next. 

“gorgeous too.” 

your eyes roll just the slightest bit. “flirt,” you call over your shoulder– but he decides not to comment on it. 

by now the two of you are standing in front of the steps to your dorm building– touya doesn’t remember the majority of the walk there. he was more focused on how the color of your hair matches so well with the palette of the scene outside– it’s fall weather, so the trees look stunning around campus– and how you’d always step on the crunchiest of leaves. touya doesn’t know how you do it every time. maybe you have some special, niche and useless talent. 

but he finds it endearing and it makes his chest twist. 

he watches you take the first step towards the building, his heart stuttering when you choose to tilt towards him. when you’re this close, touya can see the different colored specks in your eyes, the pale dusting of freckles that have faded along your nose. when you’re this close, touya hopes you can’t hear how his breath hitches at the proximity or the roar of his heartbeat in his throat. 

“i’ve got a paper to write,” you murmur, the teasing smirk you were wearing now fading to a fond grin. your eyes roam the length of him, taking in the fact that even though it’s somewhat chilly out; he’s in the thinnest hoodie from his wardrobe and yours is thick enough to rival the michelin man. 

touya hates how his heart falls at your words. his eyes fall downwards, his tone almost brooding in a way. “already ditching me for some damn paper?” his words are light and teasing, his expression is not. “you’re breaking my heart.”

“you,” touya’s brain spins as you lean in even closer when you speak, your tone dropping an octave. your finger reaches out and hooks underneath his chin and touya’s brain lags when you pull him ever so slightly closer. “are too much of a distraction.” 

fuck. fuck. fuck. 

touya freezes. his eyes are laser focused on yours, and he’s pretty sure his lungs have checked out from his body entirely. 

this teasing is normal between the two of you. the both of you are always this affectionate. he curses the day his brain subtly switched from finding this kind of banter amusing to making him want to kiss the everloving shit out of you. 

somehow, he forces himself to speak. his voice is shaky, quieter than normal. “am i, now?”

he hates that he’s close enough to see how your canine digs into the plump flesh of your lower lip. the color of the skin changes due to the light pressure you put on it. he barely registers how your thumb drags along his lower lip before your hand retracts from his chin. 

“yeah, you are.”

touya knows he’s fucked– completely and utterly screwed when you use that tone. you don’t even know that you have him wrapped tight, and at this point he’s too embarrassed to confess it either. 

“you’re teasing me and you know it,” touya murmurs, his voice bordering the line from flustered and frustrated. 

your head tilts. of course you are. it’s your favorite game to play with him, to see who backs down first. usually it’s yourself– you’re always a sucker for touya’s intimidating and soft dominating aura– so it’s a small, but not unwelcome surprise that he’s waving the flag right now. the corner of your mouth curls and you lean in once again, your finger pushes into the plane of his chest where you know his favorite dogtags rest. 

“i’ll text you after i’m done, yeah?” the smirk grows wider when you feel touya’s lithe fingers wrap around your wrist, tugging you closer. “we could grab dinner at the dining hall… or hit up that frat party…”

you’re evil, touya’s thinking to himself. so fucking evil. your lips have just barely grazed his with that offer, and despite how soft and gentle your voice sounded; a shudder ran down his spine. he always imagines this tone of yours well and late into the night, whispered into his ear as the two of you settle into his mattress–

touya wants to kiss you so bad. 

it’d be so easy too.  all he has to do is lean forward ever so slightly and his lips would be flush against yours and the two of you wouldn’t be playing this stupid cat and mouse game anymore. it would cross a line, yes; he’s aware of that, but he’s tired. he wants to give in so fucking badly. 

but all he can do is stutter in response. “yeah, that sounds good.” 

your finger travels up the firm expanse of his chest before curling under his chin again. at this point, you’re taunting him to cross the line. your lips are so close to his that they are dancing that dangerous edge of making contact with his own. 

“i’ll text you,” you murmur, your eyes bounce between his lips to his sharp sapphire gaze. 

his hand tightens ever so slightly around your wrist, head tilting as his eyes roam your features intently. “fucking cock tease,” touya mutters before he can even think about the words coming out of his mouth. 

that makes a laugh bubble straight from your chest. it stings in ways that touya doesn’t like, his expression melting to a small scowl. you act like this is a harmless game– it is, to you– and that only causes touya’s chest to squeeze tighter. you would not be treating him like some toy if you knew there was something deeper than what touya let on. “lewd,” you reply, your tone light. “cock tease, really?”

touya let out the smallest breath he would allow himself to take and lifts his other hand to grasp your chin. his touch is gentle, but firm– it keeps you locked in place. the pads of his fingers are warm, calloused; you wonder if he’s picked up the guitar again in the times that you don’t spend with him. “stop teasing me,” he practically hisses, “just kiss me already.”

would touya believe you if you told him you’ve been wanting to since second semester of freshman year? probably not. he prides himself in being observant, but he’s oblivious to certain signs when it comes from you. 

“you’re so demanding,” you giggle. to him, the noise is soft, low, alluring– teasing– it makes him grit his teeth. but to you, it’s a way to satiate the bundle of nerves that had been festering in your gut the moment you leaned in. 

touya is so close to tasting you. he can feel your lips part against his, ghosting over his own in some sick way of further testing his patience. he can feel the warmth of your breath mixing with his, causing his eyelids to flit shut. 

and then his phone rings. 

and you pull away. 

he’s so stunned from the whiplash that all he can do is stand and watch you bound up the steps toward your dorm building, waving your fingers in that stupid little flirty wave you do. touya finds new swears as his phone continues to ring in his back pocket, but his eyes do not leave your form until you’re passing through the front door. you call out a final time that you’ll text him, and all he can do is produce a weak wave in response. 

-

touya’s never really put much effort into how he’s dressed before. he knows he’s somewhat decent looking– i mean, you do sound genuine enough when you flirt with him, that has to count for something, right? but he decided normal attire isn’t going to cut it tonight. he wants to impress you. make you come crawling to him and hang onto him like always do when you drink. 

he changed his outfit four times before ringing the dumb blonde he calls his friend– keigo always had better style than him surprisingly– which led to the discussion on why touya was so hellbent on looking good for the night. “you’re gonna ditch us for your little secret girlfriend, aren’t you, ‘roki?” 

touya’s lip curls at the nickname but doesn’t correct him on it. keigo uses it regardless of the hundreds of times touya has told him he hated it. “we aren’t dating, you know that,” he scoffs. there’s a twinge inside of him that soars at the idea of you being his girlfriend. 

“right, right,” keigo muses on the other side of the phone. “you aren’t official,” and at touya’s scoff in response; keigo argues back, “what? you go see her every day, you bring her little gifts, take her out to lunch… i’d say that’s some boyfriend level behavior right there, touya.” 

touya is thankful that he cut the videochat a while back ago. a flush creeps up his neck and he curses internally. “you’re the worst,” he mutters, chewing at the inside of his cheek. 

keigo laughs. “i’m right, aren’t i? you definitely like her.” 

touya wanted to snap back and say he didn’t, but it’s not that he wanted to deny it. he’d been pining over you for almost two and a half years now, is it really honest to boil all of that down to a simple… like? touya has to be honest with himself. he loves you. 

the revelation makes him want to vomit and throw his fist into the wall. 

keigo continues to ramble on. “why don’t you just make it official at this point?”

he scoffs in response to that. “it’s complicated.” 

“what, is this highschool?” keigo laughs. he sounds mocking and condescending, but touya knows he’s right. “how is it complicated? you’ve known her for years. she likes you too, idiot. pretty sure she’s just waiting for you to ask her out at this point.” 

it feels like keigo is giving him false hope. he wants to believe that your flirting is a genuine show, that you’re taunting him into taking the first step into new territory. he wants to believe that if he does take that first step that you’ll be by his side the further he dives in. he wants to believe it. he craves it. 

“she is coming tonight, isn’t she?” keigo presses. there’s shuffling noises from his side of the phone, it sounds like he’s also in the process of getting ready as well.

you had texted him a bit ago, letting him know when you finished your paper– as promised – and he had offered an invitation to the party tonight. it was an open event, he didn’t need to invite you— but it felt so much more intimate and personal when he asked you to come himself. he practically leapt out of bed when he got your confirmation, as embarrassing as it is to admit that to himself. 

“yeah,” touya assures quietly, “she is.”

keigo responds with a click of his tongue, a low chuckle echoing out through touya’s receiver. “that explains it,” he muses, “explains it a lot.” 

touya fiddles with the chain at his hip– a pick from keigo that he went along with just for the hell of it. he had nagged at the blonde for helping him choose an outfit that looked a bit darker than his normal attire (touya wasn’t trying to go for the emo look) but he does look good. with his hair hanging past his ears and the dogtags around his neck, he still has the touches that make it distinctly him– but he clearly looks like he put in effort. 

“explains what?” touya’s lips purse. 

“you actually called me for advice,” keigo laughs in response. “you are clearly trying to score tonight.” 

touya doesn’t know if he should be embarrassed or not that keigo calls him out on it. 

-

from the looks of it, you like touya’s choice in clothing. you haven’t said a word to him, but he can feel the lingering stares– he knows you can feel his eyes on you as well. the two of you haven’t been subtle about it at all. it’s getting to the point that keigo rolls his eyes, nudging touya’s leg with his foot with a scoff. “quit eye-fucking her already.” 

touya scowls at that comment and swats at the blonde’s chest. he’s nicely faded at the moment, a couple drinks deep and he’s been taking healthy hits of the dab pen he brought with him– for confidence or comfort, he’s not sure what for quite yet. his body feels warm and heavy and light all at the same time. 

in the back of his mind, touya is itching to dance with you. 

he keeps stealing glances. you look so carefree, so happy and relaxed– though part of it is most likely due to the alcohol. your cheeks have a subtle flush to them, a rosy pink that’s visible to him even under the dim house lights. the more you move around, the more sweat clings to your skin and to the fabric of your clothes; it makes the loose strands of your hair stick to your forehead and causes blood to run south in touya’s body. 

he takes several gulps of his beer to calm down. it does not help at all. 

he manages to catch you later in the night. he’s on his way back from the kitchen, a fresh cup of whatever mixture keigo and rumi convinced him to drink– it’s fruity and sweet, its a drink you would like more than him– when he catches you leaning against the wall that overlooks the rest of the larger room where a crowd has formed in front of the mock dj stand. 

touya’s chest squeezes at the sight of you. even from behind, you look stunning– your ass looks amazing in those jeans you’re wearing, but he tries to ignore that– and he struggles to keep his eyes off of you. maybe it’s the intoxication, maybe it’s both making the emotions and feelings rush to the surface so suddenly. 

he slides up next to you, a comfortable but intimate distance between your shoulder and the plane of his chest. touya’s a couple inches taller, tall enough that he can peer over and see just how much is left in your cup. he nudges your shoulder gently, soft enough as to not startle you– you get extremely jumpy the more you drink. 

your head tilts and a lazy smile spreads onto your lips when you register his warmth beside you. “hey,” your voice is low, slurred and incredibly affectionate paired with the way your eyes immediately lock onto his. if touya were sober he would’ve frozen like a deer in headlights at the sight of you. 

but touya is comfortably drunk. comfortable and confident– even if that confidence is a front. his chest still feels tight and his hands shake a little, but if you bring it up he can just blame it on the alcohol. 

“havin’ fun?” he asks, leaning in a bit so you could hear him over the music. you nod slowly, your lips never parting to speak but touya knows you’re feeling good. he juts his chin toward the cup in your hand, “what’cha drinkin’ sweetheart?”

his heart flips at the immediate smile the petname pulls onto your lips. “jack ‘n coke,” you mumble, holding the cup out towards him. the smirk on his lips falters just the slightest bit when the two of you swap cups. you’re drinking his usual. and he’s drinking something you would usually drink. 

touya takes a sip from your cup and immediately feels the familiar burn of whiskey climb down his throat and settle into the bottom of his stomach. he knows you don’t like whiskey. dark liquor makes you do strange things, he remembers. that’s why you stick to clear alcohol, the cocktails and fruitier flavored drinks. 

but instead of you doing something odd, it’s touya. your attention is back on the crowd when he opens his mouth. “how come we’ve never hooked up?”

touya doesn’t register the words until you’re practically spitting your drink out into your hand with a baffled expression. “touya!”

his eyes are wide, and he can’t help the little tingle that runs down his spine at the way you say his name. he coughs a little, trying to ease the awkwardness as best he can. “you can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it at least once.”

“have you?”

his heart is in his throat. yes i have, he wants to confess, multiple times. i think about you in my bed almost every night, and not just being naked and panting after i’m done with you, but just laying next to me while we listen to my noisy ass neighbors as we try to fall asleep. i think about holding you in the middle of the night to keep warm because my heat sucks in my dorm room.  i think about telling you i love you while holding you under the blankets you always steal from me when you come over to hang out. 

instead, he does something even ballsier. “c’mere,” he murmurs, tugging on your wrist. he doesn’t expect you to follow him, considering he just implied sleeping together but when he looks over his shoulder you are trailing behind him, peeking at your feet as you walk as if you don’t trust your footing at all. he remembers you hide your soberness well when you’re still. 

in a swift movement, he tugs you to the left; towards a bathroom that’s hardly ever used. your vision goes fuzzy with the sudden jolt, but touya’s hands are there on your hips before you stumble over completely, which gives him the perfect opportunity to place you ontop of the sink countertop. his hand is firm as he lets it rest on your thigh, leaning over to flip the lock on the bathroom door. 

that sound has a sobering effect on your conscious. “touya–” you suddenly blurt out, your nerves clenching tight in your gut and a heavier flush spreading along your cheeks. “i don’t want to hook up–”

you see touya tense visibly in front of you. his fingers twitch along your thigh, and his head doesn’t lift for a couple of moments. 

you realize how it sounds, after following him to a secluded area when he challenged the idea of you two getting more intimate. it sounds bad. your hands slap over your face, covering the rosy tint that has spread to the rest of your face with an anguished cry. “that’s not what i mean! not like that– i just–”

touya snorts in response. he can’t help it really, seeing you rattled when you’re normally so calm and collected around him forces a laugh to bubble from his chest. “why are you so flustered right now?” he teases, feeling a small flow of confidence enter his bloodstream. his hands glide along your thighs until they rest comfortably on your hips. “we’re just in a bathroom.”

“i panicked,” you whine a little. your hands lower so your eyes could meet his. your lower lip juts out and touya’s smirk grows wider. “don’t laugh at me.”

“i can’t help it,” he chuckles, the sound low and it vibrates down to your chest. “it’s too cute seeing you all shaken.” his thumbs dig into your sides as he leans in, caging you on top of the sink with his arms. “what’re you panicking for?” he murmurs, his tone gentle and surprisingly soothing given the shit-eating grin on his lips. he lifts a hand and brushes a strand of hair behind your ear.

“i thought we were…” your voice trails off, but your eyes are locked onto his. touya’s being bold, strangely affectionate– for him, that is– and it causes something to settle in the bottom of your gut. his hand lingers around your jaw, so you take it as a green flag to lift your own palms to his chest, feeling the fabric of his shirt with shaky fingertips. “i didn’t want to… do something… stupid. to us.” 

oh. 

touya feels that confidence in his bones get ripped straight from under his skin. his heart skips a beat and his eyes flicker from your own to your lips. “what do you mean, ‘something stupid’?” 

he thought he would be more prepared if this conversation were to ever happen. hell– he thought he’d be sober when you two finally delved into what exactly the two of you were. he hopes you can’t feel how fast his heart rate is behind his ribcage. 

“do you think we’d mess up our friendship if we… did do something?”

you head nods almost automatically– albeit slowly, due to your foggy brain due to the alcohol– and something in touya’s expression falls. its subtle, but you know touya. you saw it even through the swimming lines in your vision. 

your teeth catch onto your lower lip, a nervous habit that you have never been able to break. touya’s hand lifts and cups your jaw, his thumb brushing over your lip. “stop biting.”

the action and command sends a shiver down your spine. your lips press together and you try hard to resist the urge to continue chewing on your lip. “touya…” his name is a barely audible mumble coming out of your mouth, your eyes stay locked on his. 

you barely hear the hum that echoes out of his chest. you can’t get over how… softly he’s looking at you. you’ve known touya todoroki for all of three years– since freshman year of uni– he’s never looked at you like this before. it’s different from the usual looks he gives you when it’s just the two of you, different from when it’s those late nights out at the park when he actually shares a blunt with you. he looks at you like you’ve hung the moon– like you’re the stars and he’s witnessing them for the first time. 

that aloof facade is breaking more and more the longer your eyes don’t stray apart from one another. “why are you so nervous?” you don’t have to dig deeper to know he’s not just talking about having sex with you. he’s talking about the relationship. 

“pretty sure i’m in love with you,” your voice is a whisper, barely audible. your head leans in and your forehead rests against his and his nose is warm against your own. you can smell the sweetness of the drink he shared with you on his breath and it’s intoxicating enough to make your eyes flutter shut to say the least. you loved sweet drinks. “i– i think i love you– i…” 

for touya, the world stops. the noise of the party fades, he doesn’t even hear the roar of his blood pumping in his ears. his hands tighten their hold on your hips, tugging you ever so slightly closer towards him and he closes the distance between your lips. 

his hands slide under your shirt, resting on your bare waist and the small of your back, his touch searing against the chilliness of your skin. he pours so much emotion into this kiss, saying the words he’s been too afraid of saying for months now with the touch of his mouth against yours. he can feel the blood pumping again when he feels your arms sling around his neck, returning the kiss just as eagerly. 

it’s as if simultaneously the both of you have said; no more teasing, no more games– no more playing around. 

touya groans as he feels you melt against him, the sigh you let out against his mouth probably the hottest thing he’s witnessed from you. he needs more. he’s allowed to be greedy now– he’s waited long enough. 

one of his hands leaves your waist to tangle into your hair, tugging and smirking at the soft gasp it elicits from your mouth. it angles your head back and he takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss further. 

“does this mean,” you’re mumbling against his mouth and touya wishes you’d stop talking so he could focus on just kissing you– “that you… you–” your hands delve into his hair, unable to finish the sentence. you try to speak, but everytime you find an opening to say words, his hands or lips move in a way that make your knees weak. 

“if you can’t finish the damn sentence, i’ll do it,” he speaks through kisses, his hands roaming your skin under your shirt. “yeah, i love you too. obviously.” 

you’re impatient by now, tugging the front of his shirt as you huff against his lips. your hands slide down his shoulders to his back, digging your nails into his skin just enough to where it bites and feels good. “we’re gonna talk about this more when we’re both sober.”

“you’re so cruel,” he grumbles against your mouth, groaning at the sting from your nails. he pushes further into you, catching your lower lip and biting it. he lifts a hand and moves it to rest at the base of your throat, his fingers splaying across your collarbone. 

the action causes a gasp to leave you. your eyes flutter and he takes the chance slip his tongue into your mouth, humming when yours moves against his. “i don’t want to forget if you drunkenly ask me on a date right now,” you mutter against his mouth. 

the kisses are growing more heated, more insistent. your legs spread more involuntarily to accommodate his body in between them and touya doesn’t need to be told twice before he settles in between them. he keeps a hand firm on your thigh and the other at the base of your neck, continuing to angle your head back. 

“you’re cruel,” he repeats, breathless as he continues to kiss you. “you’d really deny your poor drunken boyfriend a date?”

if the bathroom door shutting didn’t fully sober you up, the word ‘boyfriend’ coming from touya’s mouth certainly finished the job. it short-circuits your brain– causing you to pause and dig your nails in sharply to the skin of his lower back. you let out a shaky exhale that’s easily swallowed by his mouth, your eyes roll backwards from his touch. “no– no, not denying–”

that’s when touya pulls away. there’s a satisfied chuckle that starts in his chest and rumbles past his lips– clearly he used that word on purpose. a cocky smirk spreads onto his lips for a split second before he leans in, pressing a lingering kiss to your jaw. “then go on a date with me,” he mumbles against your skin. “a proper date, not that stupid ‘hanging out’ bullshit we always do.”

your breath hitches at his tone and the feeling of his lips. “where are you gonna take me?” you ask coyly, your hands dip to his waistline, grazing along the button of his jeans and tugging. 

it’s a dirty trick to distract him. 

it works, but it also doesn’t. his head drops to watch you tug at his jeans and a strangled groan leaves his mouth. when he lifts his head his eyes are shut so tight you think the skin around them has gone white and his teeth are digging into his lower lip. he’s trying very hard to hold himself together. 

“we’re gonna go out for dinner,” he starts, his voice low and strained. “somewhere nice and fancy. then we’re gonna go for a walk–”

“a walk?” your eyebrow lifts, skeptical but when touya shoots you a sharp glare you shrink back ever so slightly with a small, awkward giggle. 

“a walk. a nice, long walk where i can put my arm around you without you running off before i can.”

his statement makes you swallow a lump that’s formed almost too quickly in your throat. your heart beats wildly, jackhammering against your ribcage it’s a wonder he can’t hear it or even see it bouncing against your chest. “‘m not gonna run this time,” you find yourself whispering. 

your nose brushes against his when you lean in once more and you press a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. you pop the button on his jeans without another word and touya melts. the sound that leaves his mouth is a mix of a sigh and moan but it’s so low and hot it sends scorching sparks down your spine. your breath stutters in your throat the noise. 

“jesus christ,” he hisses, but there’s no venom to it. his hands latch around your thighs and he tugs you closer towards him. being this close to him, you can feel the way his jeans strain against his body now that you’ve unbuttoned them and the heat is sweltering between the lower half of your bodies. he grips your thighs even tighter, his thumbs bruising into the flesh. “when i said ‘dinner and a walk’, i did not mean ‘dinner and a quickie in the bathroom of a frat party’.” 

his voice shakes ever so slightly and it causes the corner of your mouth to lift. “tell me to stop,” you mumble, your breathing heavy against his jaw. you litter the skin with heated kisses, your fingers hesitant as they inch the fabric of his jeans down his hips agonizingly slow. “we can go to dinner and a walk tomorrow after we wake up–”

one of his hands grips the sink next to your thighs, his knuckles are white. he knows he shouldn’t push farther with you– even if it’s something the both of you want. but both of you are drunk, so fucking drunk and in the bathroom of a frat party for fucks sake and he was hoping his first time with you would be so much more intimate and special– “damn you,” he whispers, letting out a shaky exhale. “stop. stop.” 

it takes a hell of a lot of restraint to pull away from him. 

but you do. you withdrawal your hands, letting them hover around his hips before the settle onto the sink on either side of your hips. one hand clasps over touya’s and you give him a reassuring squeeze– trying to say the words you can’t voice at the moment. 

a breathless ‘fuck’ falls from touya’s mouth the moment you pull away. his cerulean gaze finds yours again– studying your expression for several beats of silence before he steps closer again. “you don’t know how hard it was to have to tell you to stop,” he grouses, using a hand to yank his jeans back over his hips, securing the button clumsily. his chest rises and falls with uneven breaths. “you better hope noone finds out we’re in a bathroom together. we’re never gonna hear the end of it if they do. especially if they find out we did anything.”

your cheeks burn a little at touya’s rambling. “what,” you scoff, playing it off as a laugh, though your eyes refuse to meet his. “embarrassed to get caught in here with me?” 

touya mocks your scoff in return. he can’t help the sass in his response, not caring about how it comes out of his mouth. “more embarrassed to get caught in you,” he muttered, lifting a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. “do you know how embarrassing that would be?” 

Your eyebrow lifts. Your head tilts, expression almost incredulous. “haven’t you hooked up with girls at parties before?” your eyes scan his expression, eyes narrowing into a glare almost. “what’s so embarrassing about me?”

shit. 

touya’s words get caught in his throat. his heart feels like it’s leapt out of his chest and is doing freestyle dance moves on your lap just to taunt him. he feels like an idiot, he sounds like an idiot. he knows just from your expression. 

“it’s… it’s different,” he says after an awkward bout of silence. “you’re you.”

i’ve been crushing on you since freshman year, and i don’t want to get caught in here and people assuming that i’m taking advantage of you because we’re both drunk–

your tongue presses between your lips and your eyes finally meet his. a single finger of yours reaches out, tugging the hem of his shirt to pull him closer and touya follows willingly. he’s close enough that your faces are inches apart again, your nose knocking against his and lips brushing against his with each word. “what’s that supposed to mean?” you murmur lowly. 

he swallows visibly. he takes a minute to take in your features– to really look at you. your eyes are still the same shade, but they have a glaze from the alcohol. it makes you look softer– more vulnerable. a side he sees every so often, but he knows the sober sight of this side is something you save just for him. your cheeks have a specific shade of pink when you blush. 

“it means you’re not just some girl,” he eventually mumbles. “a random girl that i can go and hook up with at a party and just forget about.”

there’s a tense silence between the two of you as you mull over his words. your eyes flick over his lips– swollen and wet from your kisses– before they meet his eyes, swallowing the lump that forms in your throat. “what am i to you?” you ask, your voice low and it’s the first time touya’s heard you be completely serious the entire night. “and don’t just say i’m different or your… girlfriend, touya– what are we?”

touya’s always loved the way you say his name. your voice is so soft, so light and tender, like you’re breathing out clouds or something. his breath stutters and his jaw clenches, tight and tense. his hands find your waist again, and when his eyes find yours he hates just how weak he is for you. how fast and easy you can get him to crumble with just a look. “you’re trying to get me to say something.” 

“i said i loved you, touya,” your head tilts back in exasperation. the grumble that leaves your mouth is irritated and strained and your head tilts away from him to avoid the kiss he so desperately wants to press to your lips. your eyes shut and you mumble; “of course i’m trying to get you to say something.”

touya’s shoulders dip forward a bit when he hears the aggravation in your tone. “i said it back,” he retorts quickly, defensive. “i said i loved you too, do you not believe me?”

his eyes are sharp as they scan over your expression– trying to determine what exactly is going through your brain at the moment. he knows you’re still intoxicated, hell– he is too– but he can’t help but feel like he’s trying to break through a wall that truly doesn’t exist. 

“why is it so hard to put a label on what we are then?” for the first time in a while since the two of you have met, this is the longest the two of you have held direct eye contact. touya’s eyes are still piercing, still intimidating, but they don’t scare you as much anymore. 

for a few moments, the two of you stare at each other. touya can’t help but admire you, since he’s already so close. he still thinks you’re beautiful as the day he met you, and you can’t help but scan the slope of his nose or the curve of his lips. 

when was the last time the two of you truly looked at each other?

“what do you want me to say?” touya speaks after a couple more beats of silence. his brows pinch together. “that… you’re my girlfriend?”

you can see how he hesitates with the word. it’s not that he didn’t want to say it, but it feels weird on his tongue. he’s never really had a dating life the entire time you’ve known him at uni, so you assume he’s rarely ever used the word. it’s not a word he thought he would be saying. girlfriend. “is that what you want?” his tone drops an octave, softer– he leans in to press a kiss to your lips and you don’t pull away from it. 

“i just want to be yours,” you sigh against his mouth. 

he lets his lips linger on yours for a couple more moments, stealing a few more kisses with gentle hums. his breath is steady and warm against your lips, your words make his chest twist and he doesn’t try to hide how it makes his heart skip. “you’ve always been mine. since freshman year.” his hands travel from your hips to rest at your sides. his touch is tender, his skin warm through the fabric of your clothes and you can’t help the wide smile that spreads onto your lips. 

you’re his. you’ve always been his. even without knowing it. 

“it’s not like i’m good at this relationship crap,” he adds after a moment. his eyes flit between yours and you can see the slightest bit of hesitation behind them. “there’s a lot of things i’ve never done before… but you already know that.”

you do. you know touya like the back of your hand, just like he does you. 

“there’s things even i don’t know how to do,” you mumble back in reassurance. it’s your turn to steal a kiss from his lips, your skin is soft against his. “but i want to learn them. with you.” 

touya melts willingly against your lips. he doesn’t hide it anymore. he loves how soft and addicting your lips are and how gentle the pressure of your mouth is against his own. he returns your peck, brushing past your mouth to press an affectionate kiss to your cheek. “anything you wanna do, i’ll be right there with you.” 

you blush like a fucking school-girl at that. the feeling is so refreshing, the softness from touya is something unexpected but is oh so welcome. 

a small chuckle leaves your mouth, your eyes dropping from his and taking in the scene around you. “so…” 

touya is already a couple steps ahead of you. “cuddle at my place?” when you laugh in response, touya doesn’t hide the wide smile that spreads across his mouth. 

© accidentcache do not repost, translate or alter my work without permission. all rights reserved.

[chrollogy]

EPISODE 1: ONE HELL OF A PLAN

sebastian michaelis x f!reader

NNN ‘24 masterlist | Next Episode

DETAILS: No Nut November only has one rule—to abstain oneself from an orgasm or ‘nutting’ during the whole month of November—that means no rule is broken if Sebastian fucks you without cumming, right?

DURATION: 3.1k

CONTENT ADVISORY: explicit smut, mdni, sexual tension, unprotected sex, p in v, orgasm denial/edging, cervix fucking, seb puts reader in like three different positions, porn without plot, seb may be a slight menace, pet names (my love), not beta read.

DIRECTOR’S NOTE: divider: cafekitsune. first fic of november ^^ i might be a bit rusty hehe but enjoy !!

“And what, pray tell, would both parties—us—benefit from such an arrangement?” Sebastian hummed, voice like velvet wrapping you in a smooth embrace beneath his crimson gaze, it glowed eerily. With the month of November right around the corner, you had introduced Sebastian to No Nut November—the rules were simple, no one was to orgasm for the entirety of the month.

Though, the latter was rather amused before you got to explain the challenge’s real meaning, Sebastian had thought that one was to abstain from all types of nuts during November, apparently not. It gave you a good laugh, not to mention how you almost called him innocent yet you knew he was far from that.

You returned a shrug which earned a curious tilt of his head, “It’s just a little fun challenge I want to try.” “Mhm, are you quite sure you’re able to complete this entire month without ‘nutting’.” Sebastian lifted his arms, forming air quotes with his fingers, a sly smirk painted on his lips. Letting out a playful scoff, you crossed your arms over your chest, and narrowed a gaze at him,

“Are you deeming me incapable?”

Sebastian let out a dulcet chuckle but nonetheless, raised his gloved hands in defence, “I didn’t mean to impose but if I were to recall our activities during the past week, you couldn’t get enough of my co—” You swiftly covered his mouth with a palm; flustered was written all over your face, and it fuelled Sebastian’s smugness. Feeling his smile widen beneath your touch had you ripping your hand away from his face only to be swiftly caught by an ivory-gloved hand.

Slender fingers uncurled from your wrist, you watched as it slowly snaked up your hand to capture it in a gentle hold, Sebastian brought it up to his lips, deftly kissing the back of your palm. His crimson eyes were on yours,

“I’d be delighted to participate in this challenge with you. The only rule is to abstain from an orgasm, correct?”

An icy shudder kissed down your spine. You absentmindedly nodded, as though his ruby gaze had bewitched the depths of your soul. “Noted.” That was all Sebastian said before walking off, the sound of his raven heeled shoes clicking against the marbled tiles. Though, you were sharp enough to catch a glimpse of the way his lips stretched into a smug smile—it held absolutely no innocence.

The challenge started off fairly normal, you, and Sebastian waltzed around every corner of the shared house without carnal desire consuming your minds—it was pure domesticity, normal couple, normal lives, all was well. Other types of skinship were of course still on the table, innocent hugs, and cuddles filled the days where sexual intercourse lacked.

Safe to say, you were surprised to make it two weeks into November untouched by Sebastian nor yearning for such pleasure. Though, you weren’t exactly surprised for the latter, he was a man of restraint after all, having not eaten any souls for as long as he could remember despite his species—it only made sense for Sebastian to see this challenge as mere child’s play.

By the start of the third week, the atmosphere violently shifted, the house felt eerily intense, as though a predator loomed within its dark corners, waiting to pounce the moment you displayed a sign of weakness. At first, you chalked it up to the lack of sexual pleasure but you quickly caught onto what was happening.

Sebastian’s hands lingered on you, dangerously near parts where he hasn’t touched you since the start of the month. His crimson eyes also bore into your soul with each conversation which resulted in your sweet, sweet arousal shamefully pooling between your legs—you knew that look, one he’d give you whenever he craved the intimacy of your raw beauty.

But it didn’t stop there.

Innocent cuddles turned into touches with more meaning behind them, the sinful rub of his palms against the plush of your thighs. Wholesome hugs turned into his nose buried deep in the junction of your neck to take a whiff of your intoxicating scent—you still remembered the feeling of his nose dragging up your sensitive skin, leaving trails of goosebumps for him to lick, and nip at. Chaste kisses turned into passionate makeout sessions where tongues were involved, breaths hot, and heavy.

“Sebastian . .” You panted, weakly pulling away from his sinful lips. Somehow, you found yourself atop the shared bed, caged beneath Sebastian as he eagerly trailed wet kisses down the column of your neck as though his lips couldn’t get enough of your bare skin. How weird, the two of you were just in the living room moments ago.

He hummed, sending low vibrations across your sensitive skin, “Something wrong?” Sebastian looked up from the junction of your neck, intense crimson gaze earning an icy shudder from you, “If you—If you continue like this, neither of us would be able to stop . . We were doing so well—Haah! It’d be a waste if we lose the challenge.”

That was the thing, even though Sebastian was a man of patience, he was still a demon after all—an impatient one once his prey was trapped within the confines of his claws.

Sebastian only replied with a humourless chuckle, continuing to work his deft fingers all over your clothed body. And you let him. You let your lover gently peel off articles of clothing, and with every newly exposed skin, he peppers them with such tenderness that only a demon with a heart could conjure. Layer after layer, each chaste kiss was placed upon your naked skin until your bare beauty was all that’s left for the demon to admire.

He clicked his tongue before gathering your arousal on his fingers, causing a low mewl to escape past your lips. With a small smile painted on his face, Sebastian admired the shine of his digits—the way your essence sinfully glistened beneath the late afternoon sun as it reflected gentle hues of oranges, and reds from the sky outside.

“My love, I’m sure this is more of a waste, don’t you think?”

With that, Sebastian pushed his digits past his rosy lips all the way to the base, his slender tongue eagerly wiping the thin coat of your arousal from his fingers; you tasted absolutely divine. You watched as Sebastian let out a satisfied hum, paired with his closed eyes, as though to thoroughly relish the flavour of your essence.

How sinfully lewd, the sight had you clenching your bare cunt around nothing but complete disappointment, an uncomfortable ache growing with every slow second. Sebastian slipped his fingers out with a subtle pop before starting on his own clothes—layer by layer, he peeled each fine fabric off his slender physique, exposing his pale complexion.

Sure, No Nut November was a fun little challenge for the month, and no one really lost anything if the rule was broken but your competitive side somehow couldn’t take this meaningless loss.

“It’d be such a shame to lose.” You mumbled, half unsure if you were really willing to see through the end of the challenge—well, you have gotten this far into the month. 

“‘To lose’?” Sebastian let out a devilish chuckle, lips stretched into a devious smile—one suited for a demon from the depths of hell. Somehow, you weren’t quite looking forward to the next few words that were going to come out of his mouth.

 “My love, who said you were cumming tonight?”

Oh. Your heart sank to your stomach. If anything, Sebastian was a man of his word.

A second passed—a heartbeat—as you held Sebastian’s deep crimson stare. He only said one sentence yet it was as though your mind tried to process a whole paragraph spoken in an ancient language. Upon your silence, he decided it’d be best to refresh your mind on the singular rule of the challenge,

“From what I remember, the one, and only rule was to abstain from an orgasm, correct?” He sauntered over to the foot of the king-sized bed, ruby gaze locked onto nothing but you, as though you were tonight’s freshly caught prey.

You nodded.

“And it said nothing about engaging in sexual acts, correct?” By now, Sebastian had both palms planted atop the foot of the mattress, sizing you up, and down.

Once again, you nodded.

“Then no loss will be taken as long as we do not orgasm—you’re capable of that, aren’t you?” Sebastian slowly crawled up the mattress, akin to a predator looking over its prey, each silent move calculated and silently deadly.

Evil. Wicked. An absolute diabolical plan, as expected from a cunning demon. How his mind worked amazed you without fail. You fell right into Sebastian’s trap, buttering you up with sexual tension for the past few days ‘til you displayed a sign of vulnerability—a slight opening to feed off of just before he goes for the devastating kill.

One that you cannot escape.

In all honesty, you expected no less from a demon. To take advantage of one while completely defenceless was second nature to him at this point—what better way to sink his fangs into than a sexually deprived human?

Before you could even answer Sebastian’s question, a cold hand parted your legs, causing you to flinch at the sudden contrast of temperature. And without wasting any more time, Sebastian slowly eased the head of his cock, pulling a unison of breathy sighs from both of you, “I do hope you don’t forget about the arrangement we agreed upon at the start of the month.” Sebastian let out a grunt, tone laced with pure tease, as though he wasn’t inching his cock inside your velvety walls.

Oh god.

Your fingers sunk into the soft sheets beneath your naked body, toes curling at the feel of his length spreading your walls apart. Each centimetre of Sebastian’s thick cock pushed inside your sopping cunt had you panting harder, a searing blaze kissed, and nipped at your feverish skin as pure pleasure gnawed at your very bones.

It had only been exactly three weeks since you proposed the No Nut November challenge to Sebastian—only three weeks without his cock inside you yet why did this feel like the first night you had him? Oh, you remembered all the sensations your body felt like it was yesterday; the pinch between your legs at Sebastian’s sheer size, the tremble of your body like a fragile autumn leaf as he bottomed out, the insanity of tethering between sobriety, and completely giving into pleasure.

All of it. And That’s how you felt right this very moment.

With Sebastian’s hips flush against your own, and his entire length fully sheathed inside, he stilled for a brief moment. Tresses of raven strands fell over his serene face as he looked down, rosy lips parted in a shallow pant, and crimson eyes locked on you. It glowed a little, like a precious ruby gemstone beneath the sun, an endless pool of swirling red.

It beckoned you with its slender finger, urging you to give into the sinful pleasure he generously offered.

“Haah!—How impatient.” The demon smirked, showing a peek of pointed canines amongst his pearly whites as your velvety walls automatically tightened around him. Nonetheless, Sebastian slowly moved his hips, starting off with a generous pace to bask in your velvety walls, allowing him to feel your cushiony insides, and how it pulsed for him—deep strokes to drag out the pleasure brewing at the pit of your stomach.

Though, his languid thrusts didn’t last for long, only displaying a fleeting moment of faux mercy before picking the pace up. Your hands soon found comfort on either side of your head, twisted around to grip at the silken sheets beneath, it didn’t help much considering how your body jolted upwards with each relentless thrust Sebastian gave.

Oxygen from your lungs quickly turned into sighs of content and dainty mewls in the shape of the demon’s name, your toes curled inwards at the sinful rhythm of your bodies—a firm push, and pull, push, and pull which steadily coaxed louder, passionate moans.

It blended well with the pornographic skin slapping as Sebastian’s heavy balls slapped your ass, a filthy tune fit for a wicked demon and his beloved. 

Sebastian stared at you with a rather amused expression on his face, the corners of his lips tugging upwards in a teasing smile; it hasn’t been long since the two of you started yet you were easily coming undone, slowly bordering into pure lust. If you had any shame left in your body, you’d be embarrassed at how easily he made you submit to pleasure.

Taking it up a notch, Sebastian deftly placed your right leg over his slender shoulder. With his hips flush against yours, it allowed his cockhead to reach deeper with the new angle, repeatedly kissing your sweet spot. He gave no room for reaction before driving back and forth at a much faster pace that had you rolling your eyes back.

“Seb—aah! Ngh! Right there!”

Greedy pride blossomed across his naked chest at your cockdrunk state. This wasn’t a rare sight for Sebastian per se but oh, how he missed seeing you bare your lewd expressions to him—vulnerable and utterly lost in pleasure. A subtle smirk crept its way up to his face, too bad you couldn’t see it with how much your vision bounced, mixed with tears pooling around your eyes.

As Sebastian mercilessly pistoned his hips, it didn’t take long for pleasure to slowly climb up, up, up and reach its peak. You tightened around him, repeatedly babbling his name in barely coherent whimpers, a clear indication that you neared your peak. Naturally—or rather unfortunately, the ever attentive demon noticed this amidst the rough fucking he gave.

With the smirk he wore unfaltering, Sebastian quickly pulled out, ripping a rather embarrassing whine from your lips, “W-wait! No!” Genuine frustration coated your voice. Disappointment swiftly replaced the pleasure you felt, and no matter how much you tried holding on to that feeling, it stubbornly slipped from your very fingers which elicited another whine from you.

Paying no mind to your sounds, he deftly repositioned your limp body by unhooking the leg draped over his shoulder to have you face the mattress instead.

How pliant your divine body was. Just the way Sebastian liked it.

A muffled wanton moan filled his ears as he entered your sopping cunt from behind, naked body flush against your own. Given Sebastian’s generous length, the reach was much deeper this time, his cockhead kissed your cervix over and over again ‘til saliva dripped from the corners of your lips, and onto the ivory sheets below.

Sebastian placed his lips dangerously close to your ear, allowing you to hear every heated grunt and curse he had to offer which only brought you faster to the edge. If anything, hearing him moan always had an effect on you and he was well aware of that fact. You bit your lip, snaking a shaky hand behind to tug at his obsidian strands.

“S-Seb—mhm! Please let me cum—!”

He gave your shoulder a small nip, and breathlessly chuckled into your ear, his hot breath leaving trails of goosebumps in its wake,

“Oh, my love but you can’t. You’ve worked so hard for this, right? Or am I mistaken?” Sebastian’s tone was nothing but pure tease, not even holding an ounce of mercy in his words.

Before you could protest, your lover quickly hauled you up, weak knees planted on the mattress, and your body slumped against him. The new position allowed you to lean back on Sebastian’s shoulder for support but your exposed front meant he had easy access to your sensitive parts.

One hand cupped a breast while the other snaked down, down, down towards the bundle of nerves just above your wet entrance. You jolted in surprise, electrifying pleasure sending shocks throughout your body as Sebastian deftly toyed with your clit—round, and round, figure of eights, side to side, he knew it all.

He knew just how to turn your body into a quivering mess until you completely moulded into his hold. The mixed stimulation of your clit, g-spot, and sensitive nipple had you seeing stars, it wasn’t rare for Sebastian to do this during sex but having been deprived of it for a few weeks definitely had your body reacting in some kind of way.

“Fuck! God, please—!”

As your words hung in the thick air, something inside Sebastian snapped, his demeanour shifted the very moment you had spoken the word ‘god’ as though you had just cursed him.

A ripple of silent power engulfed every corner of the room, an unsettling chill of aura replaced the burning atmosphere it housed a few moments ago—so suffocating, so mysteriously wicked but none of it frightened you, if anything, Sebastian’s possessiveness only urged you to clench around his hard cock.

It was subtle but nothing ever got past the demon and his impeccable senses.

He let out a low growl against your neck, sharpened teeth grazing the sensitive skin there, “Have you forgotten? I’m no god, my love.”

Despite your senses completely drowned in nothing but pure pleasure, you could hear the subtle bite Sebastian had in his tone, a hint of bitterness. Nonetheless, you couldn’t really point it out given how he decided to brutally piston his hips into your cunt—heavy balls repeatedly slapped against your ass, creating a pleasurable burn to spread across your skin.

You were a mess. Hot tears rolled down your cheeks nonstop as you begged and begged Sebastian to let you cum, to cream around his cock just how he liked it. The build up of pleasure from your denied orgasms earlier hit you ten-fold, it engulfed your body in a trembling embrace.

Is this what losing one’s mind was like?

Your nails clawed at the hand on your clit, painful crimson streaks running up Sebastian’s pale skin but it only urged him to rub it even faster, making up for his sloppy thrusts. “Seb! ‘M cumming—ah!” Disappointingly, before the coil deep inside you snapped, Sebastian quickly pulled out, leaving you clenching in nothing but disappointment. You shamelessly whined as the feeling of pleasure slowly seeped out of you,more tears rolled down your flushed cheeks as upset and frustration consumed your soul.

Sebastian watched you fall onto the mattress, he watched as your body shook with soft sobs, your fingers digging into the sheets at the loss of contact, “You’re mean, you know that?” Your voice quivered, full of disappointment, and annoyance. Now, you were back to square one, not an ounce of pleasure remained in your body, as though a distant memory you dreamed of.

He could only chuckle—an apologetic one at that, “Remind me again who suggested the idea of abstinence?” 

Oh, you’ll get him back for this. 

“Don’t fret. You’ll be taken care of once the first day of the twelfth month hits.” You shuddered at his serious reassurance.

If anything, Sebastian was a man of his word. —

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tags: @grimmweepers, @engel-katze, @dar1ingduchess, @futuraesposadosebastian, @yoongibabs, @tyee100, @mystically-yours, @plan3toflov3, @iamyoojin, @plennyofthots, @h3art-ablaz3, @thenasoneshots, @nervousanimeartanimescissors, @nyekchevski, @venteeni, @amelan, @leylanx, @sillykenma, @zerowantstobattle, @darkpeace15, @ayaya-aa, @itsactuallynyx, @reeisasinamonroll, @giyusdarling, @shell03, @etheriall-slime, @adreansblog, @astraecea-silversin, @wakashudou, @awawage, @neverlandlostchild, @acehyacinth (if your url is white, it means i can’t tag you ^^)

affiliated with @houseofsolisoccasum & @pixelcafe-network !

© chrollogy 2024 | don’t plagiarise, repost or steal my header.

[devotedlyandrogynousyouth]

Please please please bless me with more baby daddy Jason. I’m so obsessed with it 😭 just thought about if he caught you staring a little too long at him being a good father he would make fun of how sexy you find him and how you still want him

Oh, how this has lifted my mood after getting covid during the holiday season🙏I can totally see him getting cocky like that, too. Just imagine this man letting out a near-silent scoff as he catches your gaze wandering across his muscles as he picks up your daughter

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd Part 2

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who doesn't actually bother you too much after that night you spent together. To your surprise, he doesn't expect much of anything in return. That moment simply turned into an unacknowledged secret that only the two of you would ever know about.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who still tries to show up to every little preschool function or birthday party your daughter has, despite the unspoken tension between you two. Despite what that little voice in your mind was screaming to do, you actually started inviting him to those kind of things. Typically, he would've just shown up unannounced.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who starts acting like your boyfriend or husband at parent-teacher conferences. On the rare occasion that the both of you show up to discuss your daughter with her teachers, they assume that you're together as a couple. Jason, ever the sly bastard, doesn't correct them.

You don't, either.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who actually starts playing into the role as soon as your 'relationship' gets brought up in public. If you happen to be sitting close enough, he'll grab your hand and start tracing invisible circles onto the back of it with his thumb. If you're really close, Jason will absolutely go as far as to sling an arm around your shoulders.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who is the biggest topic around the other single mothers at your daughter's daycare or preschool. Almost every time he makes an appearance, somebody asks for his number or tries to make small talk. He giggles like an idiot every time you have to scold him for giving them all the rejection hotline number.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who, when he does get asked about relationships by other women at your daughter's childcare facilities, will say that you're together in a committed relationship with no hesitation. He isn't really sure why he does it, either. It only really came about after you two slept together a few months ago.

To be fair, you do call Jason your boyfriend when a creepy guy asks you out.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who starts hanging out with you casually when he gets the chance. You've ripped him a new one a few too many times when telling him to keep out of excessive danger. What better way to spend his off time now that he doesn't do huge missions than being with his two favorite girls?

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who somehow manages to blend right back into your life when he puts vigilante work to the side a little. He's there to pick up your daughter from day care or playdates when you need him to. He's cooking dinner for you and the little one on a rough day before you even have to ask.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who knows exactly how you feel about him. He sees the way your eyes linger as he stands in your kitchen cooking or how your gaze drifts to his biceps as he picks up your daughter to bring her to bed. "Eyes are up here, sweetness," is what he teases every time he catches your stares.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who is knocking on your door mere minutes after you've texted or called him having a breakdown when your daughter is at a sleepover. He doesn't even care what you're crying about, you're scooped up into his arms instantly. "Shhh... I have you," is one of the constant reassurances he mutters into your hair, "I'm right here. You're not alone."

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who has you practically sitting on his lap as he holds you, his calloused hands rubbing up and down your back in a soothing motion. You don't even remember when the slipped under the hem of your (his old) shirt to rub gently at your bare skin.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who listens to you talk, no matter how stupid or silly your problems seem whe compared to his own. He knows better than to give advice other than when you ask for it, so he simplu holds you and listens. "I know, I know..." Is all he coos into your slightly mussed hair as his hands rub and massage your skin.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who waits until you're done speaking to move or say anything. "Look, baby..." You hate how much you still love the petname, "I know it's tough. Trust me, I know." You hate how you love him. "But I'm here, alright? I... I'm sorry I have a tendency to walk out on both of you, but... I'm here now. I'm here as whatever you need me to be. If you need me to stay for you and her, I will. If you need me to leave, I'll go without another thought."

"If you want to forget about what happened the other night, then we'll both forget about it. If you don't want to..." You didn't let him finish, instead capturing his slightly parted lips with your own.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who only pulls away when you do, the pupils of his beautiful green eyes dilated as he looks down at you in his lap. His hands never cease their movement caressing the fat and muscles of your back as he lets out a soft huff of amusement. "You're absolutely crazy getting involved with me voluntarily, doll face." Even as he tries to play it off, you can hear the affection and fondness in his voice.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who takes his time with you instead of rutting into you like an uncaged animal. His hands are slow as they roam across your body, relearning every single one of your curves and crevices like it's the first time he's seen your naked body. Each motion is filled with such care and adoration that you question why you ever split up, even if just for a moment.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who takes every single ounce of your stress away without trying. It doesn't matter that he's only slept with you once or twice in the past couple of years, he's drawing out every single orgasm he can from your pretty little pussy.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who says the nastiest things when hooking up with you. He absolutely gets off on the thought of getting you pregnant again, but he knows better after thinking about the situation the two of you are in. "You're fucking milking me for all I've got, ma," he grunts out as he pounds you relentlessly from behind, his large hands almost dwarfing your hips as he holds them for leverage, "I'm gonna fill this pussy up all over again. You'd like that, huh? You want another little me running around this joint?"

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who, surprisingly, stays the morning after. It isn't picture perfect- nothing ever is- but it's still... Calm. Peaceful. Home. Like something you've never gotten with him before. The pair of you are still completely in the nude, your bodies tangled beneath the mess of sheets. But as your eyes flutter open with the first rays of morning light, the sight of Jason with small clumps of black and white hair stuck to his forehead from the previous night feels right.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who starts sticking around for a few days at a time after that. You're not sure just how it happened, but your daughter certainly loves it. She missed her daddy being around more often instead of being told that he was 'on a work trip' when it wasn't safe for Jason to see her.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who doesn't miss a beat when your sweet, innocent daughter asks if he's staying this time and if mommy will stay too. "Of course I am, baby girl," Jason, of course, makes direct eye contact with you as he says this before lifting the toddler into his lap. "Promise?" A smile. An actual, genuine smile that only she can get from him. "Promise."

How could you possibly say no to that?

Masterlist

[thelostmagicians]

Love Comes In Threes | Steve Harrington

Summary: Steve Harrington loves you, he just can't say it. [2k]

Fluff, comfort, slight angst, emotionally/verbally constipated Steve

♡

The last time Steve Harrington said I love you to someone she ripped out his heart and left with the boy she told him not to worry about. 

He doesn’t remember the last time he said it to his parents, only that he stopped trying after he kept getting the dial tone in response to his feelings. 

So you weren’t exactly surprised or upset when he kissed you instead of saying it back 6 months into your relationship. 

_

The first time you said I love you to Steve it was a stormy evening. The both of you agreed to take things slow, wounds from the past still open and healing. But he just looked so handsome that night with his hair tousled in a perfect mess, red creeping on his cheeks from the cold air as the both of you raced towards his car trying to protect yourselves from the rain. He turned the heat on as he took your hands in his in an effort to warm you up. You tried to hold it in, you swear you did, but the love you had for him weighed down on you like an anchor and you thought if you didn’t tell him that second you were going to drown in your own feelings. 

“I love you,” you had whispered as he continued rubbing his fingers over yours. He paused his actions, shyly looking up. The red on his cheeks could no longer be blamed on the cold because now he was feeling as the sun was glowing warm in his heart. 

“You sure?” he asked you. Instead of answering you kissed him, hoping your lips would act as a spout and pour how you felt directly into him.   

You knew that like you, Steve had been hurt in the past so when he pulled you in for another kiss instead of saying it back you never questioned him. 

_

But that was a year ago. 

Almost two years into the relationship and Steve still hasn’t said I love you back. Every time he hears it fall from your lips, he’ll just give your hand a squeeze and carry on. You want to think it isn’t a big deal. You try to convince yourself that the L word isn’t necessary in your relationship, not when you share a home, a bed, secrets, and, hopefully, a family in the future. But no matter how hard you try to ignore your feelings it still leaves you disappointed when you see couples everywhere throw the three words around like they’re playing catch. It’s an endless cycle of disappointment for not hearing it, guilt for questioning the love Steve has for you, and frustration for why it mattered so much.

“As someone who Steve previously loved, do you think he actually loves me or is he just… settling?”

Your question makes Nancy freeze, the book she was previously trying to shove back in the shelf falls with a loud thud. She throws an apologetic smile at the librarian who shakes her head in disapproval. 

“What are you even talking about?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I brought it up. But I was just thinking, Steve loved you Nance. He told you he loved you. It’s been years and people still remember how broken he was after you left. Like if I left would he be just as sad or would he be okay.”

“Are you planning on leaving Steve?” Nancy stutters out.

“Well no…definitely no. It just makes me wonder if people can see that Steve loves me or if they think of me as the passerby keeping him from you while you were the one that got away. Whenever I tell someone I’m dating Steve all I ever hear is good on him for moving on, poor thing was a wreck after Nancy Wheeler left.”

Nancy picks up her stack of books as she leads you to the front desk, “Look what Steve and I had was over before we both even realized it was over. He loves you, I think… I think he loves you more than he could’ve ever loved me. And why do you even care what people think? These are the same people who think Robin is a sinner and that my parents are happily married.”

You roll your eyes in affection as you help her with her books. “I guess you’re right…” you trail off as your eye catches a magazine. In big bold letters you read 100 Different Signs Your Man Loves You.

“Oh please you can’t be serious.”

You give her a sheepish smile as you check out your rental and head back home. 

_ 

The magazine was utter trash. It had nothing, but surface value declarations that did nothing to soothe your worries. You stopped reading after sign 8 when it said Ladies if your man compliments your cooking, then it means he’s thinking about locking it down! Because remember a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!

Your Steve wasn’t like this. Your Steve was the kind of guy who knew you were having a bad day before you even had the chance to tell him. Your Steve was the kind of guy who would willingly wake up early and go out into snow just to heat up your car so you won’t have to drive in the cold. 

You sigh as you toss the magazine in the back of the car making a mental note to drop it off at the library on your way to pick up Robin for your girls day.

You honk twice in front of Vickie’s house before Robin comes bolting down the driveway, shoes in hand and trying to wrestle her jacket on. She gives you a wave before climbing in and greeting you with a tight hug. 

“I see your sleepover went well,” you tease. 

Before she can tease back Vickie knocks on the window prompting Robin to roll it down. 

“Hi, Vickie” you smirk up at her, eyes darting to the purple bruise under her ear that she poorly tried to conceal with makeup. 

She waves shyly, “Robin… I forgot to say,” she looks at you nervously, “Nevermind, just I’ll see you tomorrow.” She quickly kisses Robin’s cheek and scurries back inside. 

“So… what was that whole thing with Vickie about?” you try to ease in. 

Robin bumps her head on the window when you pull into a parking spot, “Oh Vickie? She’s still nervous about saying the L word publicly so that’s what she was doing.”

“At least she’s saying it privately,” you huff under your breath. 

“What was that?”

“Oh, nothing, I was just asking how she says it in public if she isn’t comfortable?”

“You know the cheek kisses she gave, that was it.”

You quickly put the shirt you’re holding back on the rack before looking at Robin confused. “What do you mean, is that your guys’ secret language?”

Robin laughs, pulling up a skirt to herself. “No silly, haven’t you ever heard the saying love comes in threes. When you touch someone three consecutive times it’s the equivalent of I. Love. You. Hence three cheek kisses equal an I love you.”

“That’s so cute,” you squeal, squeezing her arm and testing it out for yourself. 

She squeezes back instantly, “I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it, considering Steve’s the one that introduced me to it.”

Your steps falter behind her. “Hang on, Steve? My Steve, told you that?”

“Yeah, he said his Nana used to do it when they were kids or something like that. Told me before I told Vickie I loved her. Do you think this skirt is cute or should I save my money for a Madonna tape?”

Robin keeps rambling as you stay in place, your thoughts spiraling. Her confession makes you think about every single time Steve’s ever touched you. Every morning before you part ways how he pecks your lips once, twice, and a little longer the third time. How he squeezes your waist three times when he walks past you to get his favorite mug. How he reaches for your thigh, hand, anything he can get ahold of just to get three squeezes in. How he taps your arm in his sleep, again always in threes. You would stay up trying to figure out what song his taps represent before eventually drifting off yourself.   

This whole time you were waiting for Steve to verbally express his love when he was doing it quietly in his own way, more often than you ever did. 

You don’t even realize you’re crying until you feel a tear slowly drip down your neck. 

“Hey what’s wrong are you okay?” Robin asks frantically. She drops her bags, hands squeezing your arms and eyes darting around for any signs of danger. 

You nod through your tears, “I’m okay, can we just go. I have to get home, I know it’s crazy but…”

Robin nods, grabbing your arm and leading you to the exit. 

_ 

The car ride back home is quiet, Robin didn’t even whisper a goodbye when she left simply settling with a quick peck to your forehead and soft smile. 

Your thoughts feel overwhelming like everything is going a mile a minute when you think about Steve. You think about your first date, your second, and your third and so on. How Steve ended every night with three of something. 

Your body is on autopilot as you make your way through the front door. Keys tossed in the bowl, coat hung up, and shoes thrown off. 

“Hey baby, you alright? Robin called asking if you were okay.” A concerned Steve comes into your vision, he quickly wipes his hands on the kitchen towel before flinging it over his shoulder and kissing you. Once, twice, and thrice.

Your hard stare makes him nervous, he’s never seen you like this before. “Honey,” he whispers out.

You take a deep breath in, “You never said I love you to me, not after I said it first, not even when you asked me to move in.” You pause trying to compose yourself while Steve avoids your gaze. “This whole time I thought you didn’t love me like you should, that you loved me, but you weren’t in love with me.”

Steve lifts his head up, baffled, he goes to argue until you lift your hand up signaling him to wait. 

“Robin told me something about how love comes in threes, today. How three taps, or any kind of touch in rapid succession three times is the equivalent of an I love you,” he finally meets your gaze as you slowly walk over to him, tugging on his waist to hold him as close as possible. “You told me you loved me on our first date, you told me the night we had our first kiss, you told me on our anniversary. And you tell me everyday. I don’t think there’s an hour that goes by without you telling me.”

Steve pulls you into his chest before gently lifting your head and kissing you three times. You giggle at the not-so-secret-anymore gesture. “I’m trying. I really am trying hard to say it, but I do. I really do. I want you to know how important you are, but I’m also scared. So I guess this was my way of saying it, reminding myself that when I do eventually say the words… you won’t leave.” 

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry for not seeing your love. For not understanding that even though you love me quietly you love me the most. Your love is in the tiny but grand gestures that I take for granted, but would miss deeply if I didn’t have it. I don’t need the words anymore Steve, I just need you because you love me more than I ever thought was possible and that’s enough. You’re enough.”

He squeezes your shoulder three times before whispering the words you’ve always wanted to hear from him. 

They say love comes in threes and your love with Steve may be quiet, but it’s everywhere. 

[mermaidgirl30]

✨On My Knees for You✨

Dbf! Joel Miller x fem! reader

A/N: I’ve been wanting to do a fic for a while that was all about making Joel Miller feel good. So thank you to @lotusbxtch and @mountainsandmayhem for feeding me ideas and letting me scream with you about this one 🩵 I wrote this one for my Halloween writing event!

This is a one-shot for my series Daddy’s Best Friend, Mr. Miller. It takes place a little over a year into their relationship. I hope you enjoy these two love birds! Thank you to @mountainsandmayhem for beta reading 🩵

Summary: You’re supposed to be getting ready for a Halloween party, but maybe you’ll just have to be late because all you can think about is getting on your knees and making Joel Miller feel so good.

Rating: Explicit 18+ only MDNI

Word Count: 3.6k

Tags: Porn with plot, getting ready for a Halloween party, angel and devil couples costumes, cock/ball worshipping, deepthroating, dirty talking, pet names, use of daddy, no use y/n, age gap (reader late 20’s, Joel late 40’s), teasing

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

Sparkles shimmer across your light pink eyeshadow, sprinkling down your glowing cheeks. Dark red lipstick stains your lips a cherry-coated color. The black eyeliner that’s sharpened into pointy cat eyes makes your eyes pop under the fluorescent lights of the bathroom. Your hair spirals into perfect waves as you adjust the halo that sits atop the crown of your head. With one more spritz of cotton candy perfume, you’re ready for the Halloween party.

   When you exit the bathroom, you linger in the full-length mirror, adjusting the feathery wings that lay flat against your back. You circle slowly, examining your lacey angel costume for the Halloween party. One that Joel was taking you to, even if he wasn’t normally one to get excited to dress up or participate in Halloween parties. He was doing it for you. Plus, you might’ve got Tommy and Maria to convince him to go. 

   He eventually gave in after a few times of pressing, but he’d never say no to you. He was always going to go, if that’s what you wanted. Because he loves you and would do just about anything for you, even wear matching couples costumes. One an angel, the other a devil.

   You giggle as you think of the events that unraveled over the past few months. Joel Miller, your father’s best friend, the man who was off-limits to you for so long was now your boyfriend. It was all a silly little flirting game until it wasn’t. All that changed when he gave in and kissed you under his living room lights a little over a year ago. Back when he gave you that handsy guitar lesson that turned into crowding your body and fucking you relentlessly into the leather of his couch. 

   You still remember it so clearly. Just like it was yesterday. His plush lips nipping at your delicate neck, licking flames into your sweat-coated skin. His meaty hands teasing up your thighs, enticing words making you give in, his smoldering eyes lighting you on fire as he slipped two fingers beneath your drenched lace. And then, you were gone. 

   And now? The two of you were unstoppable, unbreakable. Two flames that couldn’t burn without the other. He was your favorite part of every day. Your infinite. Even if your father wasn’t thrilled when he found out, he eventually came around. And now, Joel Miller was all yours.

   The almost sheer mini skirt barely grazes the tops of your thighs, your thigh-high shimmering tights teasing your tanned skin. The white satin corset hugs your curves tightly, silk ribbon spilling underneath your pushed-up breasts, sparkly heels flashing diamonds under the dim lights of Joel’s room.

   He’s going to absolutely lose it when he sees you in this sexy getup. Especially when he gets a peek at your new lacey white panties. The ones you’re hoping he’ll rip off later tonight. 

   You hear him shuffling around downstairs, truck keys jangling by the front door, leather boots making their way toward the staircase. Suddenly, you have the best idea. A little Halloween treat to satisfy his hunger. The kind of surprise that’ll leave him tongue tied and speechless.

   You perch yourself on the edge of the bed, letting the navy comforter pull up your mini skirt higher, almost exposing your brand new lingerie. You arch your back, lean against your hands and wait with bated breath for him to find you all splayed out just for him. Like a present he’ll get to savor over and unwrap slowly.

   You can’t wait to see his reaction. 

   His heavy footsteps shake beneath the wooden steps, voice deep and booming as he shouts up to the bedroom. “Baby, you almost ready? Think Tommy’s gonna beat us there.”

   “Mhm. Can you come here for a second? Need a little help with something,” you call out, pushing your breasts together so he gets the best view of your sexy Halloween costume. 

   It was your idea to go as an angel this year, and Joel chose to be a handsome devil. And God, he was handsome alright. Even if he chose to wear his favorite green flannel and dark blue jeans. He pulled it off just fine with red devil horns and a glowing pitchfork.

   Two more steps and he’s turning right into the room, his broad body filling the expanse of the doorframe. “Okay, sweetheart. But we gotta… go.” He freezes in the doorway, wide brown eyes gawking at you as his mouth drops to the floor. 

   And… jackpot. 

   “Surprise,” you say in a lilty voice, biting your bottom lip to tease him even more. Get the blood pumping in just the right places.

   “Baby, you’re—you’re…” He drops the plastic pitchfork to the floor with a bang, his mouth hanging open like a thirsty hound dog. 

   “What? Cat got your tongue?” you tease, sliding your heels along the grey carpet, eyefucking him while you lick your bottom lip enticingly slow. 

   That does it right there. You can see it in his glassy brown irises. He’s done for.

   “Jesus Christ, sweetheart. That outfit. It’s—fuck,” he replies, voice husky and shaky from your relentless teasing.

   “You like it?” You cock your head and give him a sexy smirk, eyelashes fluttering his way.

   He takes a step inside the room and drags a palm over his patchy beard slowly, his eyes gliding down your body like he’s memorizing every single inch of you. “Baby, I don’t like it. I love it. Never seen such a pretty angel look so sexy before. You’re fuckin’ gorgeous, you beautiful girl.”

   “Bought it just for you. And these…” You slowly spread your legs, exposing the lacy panties that are now slick and wet from anticipation of him seeing you.

   He audibly groans, curses under his breath as he takes a few steps forward, mouth dropped as his eyes slide over your core.

   “Don’t you dare start that. Don’t you fuckin’ dare,” he growls, his towering body hovering over yours like he’s about to pin you down on the bed. “‘Cause if you do, we ain’t leavin’ this house for another hour.”

   You lift your leg and push him back with your bedazzled heel, making him back up a few steps so you can slide down to the floor. He looks at you with questions swirling in his caramel pools, one eyebrow arching as he watches you get on all fours. He mutters a curse under his breath when he realizes what you’re doing.

   You’re teasing the hell out of him.

   “I just want to do one thing first,” you whisper, voice low as you start to crawl toward him, dragging your hands and knees unhurriedly, clawing the soft carpet until you’re right beneath his looming form.

   Your hands languidly snake up his legs, fingernails digging into the denim of his jeans, leisurely making your way to the jagged zipper.

   “Baby…” he mutters, choking out when you start palming him through his jeans. 

   “Joel,” you smirk, working his hard length through the material of his blue jeans. You’re basically drooling at the feel of his thick bulge against the palm of your hand. Can already tell how badly he wants you. 

   God, it makes more slick run down the gusset of your white lace. 

   “We’re gonna be late,” he breathes heavily as you pop his top button open and lazily drag the zipper down.

   “So, we’ll be late,” you whisper, smiling up at him while you bite your bottom lip seductively. Your hands pull his leather belt through the belt loops, and then you start to shimmy his jeans and black boxers down to the ground.

   He places a hand swiftly on yours and halts you before you go any further. “You’re gonna ruin your pretty red lipstick, sweetheart,” he tries to warn, his chocolate eyes growing darker by the second. 

   “Then let me ruin it.” You push him down into the light brown lounge chair and tug his jeans and boxers down, his cock springing free of the confines of the tight material. You gasp when you see how hard and swollen and thick he is. He looks like a fucking work of art. Art that you want to devour.

   “Goddamn it,” he groans as you work his length up and down, hand wrapped around the base of his cock. Sliding the precum that bubbles over his swollen red tip up and down his shaft. Just the way he likes it. 

   “Let me make you feel good, daddy,” you beg, teasing your tongue over the head of his cock and running it slowly over the slit. He groans as you taste his salty precum. “Wanna taste you, swallow you, choke on you.”

   “Yeah?” he croaks, one hand pushing a strand of hair behind the shell of your ear. “My pretty girl wants to choke on me?”

   “Mhm,” you hum, licking up the underside of his cock, tongue gliding over the large vein that wraps around his thick length. “Choke me, handsome devil. Wanna gag on your fat cock.”

   He grips the back of your hair roughly and pulls hard, forcing your eyes up to meet his deep black pits. But the way he’s smiling at you, a playful smirk curling over his plush mouth, tells you he’s letting you take control just as much as he is. “C’mere then. Be a good girl and wrap those pretty lips around daddy’s cock,” he chuckles darkly. You happily oblige with a smirk.

   Taking your time, you kiss up the length of him, languidly flicking and swirling your tongue in circles against his angry tip. You giggle when he curses under his breath and audibly gasps when you take him deep in your mouth. Bobbing your head up and down, you take him deeper and deeper. Until your nose is hitting his coarse, wiry hairs at the base of him, sputtering and choking as his tip kisses the back of your throat.

   “Fuckkk, baby,” he whimpers while his hand holds your curls back from getting in the way.

   You love to tease him, love to savor his salty flavor all over your tastebuds, let his seed run down the back of your throat when his orgasm bubbles over. You could do this all day. Get down on your knees while he takes you to church with his thick cock thrusting deep inside your throat. Being choked never felt or tasted so good. Not until Joel Miller showed up. Not until you got that first taste of him over a year ago. 

   You’re addicted, obsessed with making him feel good after he gets home from work. He always makes you feel good, so there’s nothing you love better than making him feel twice as good. He’s a good man, the best you’ve ever had. Now it’s your turn to show him just how much he means to you. 

   You gag around his hard cock, sputtering as you pull your mouth away, leaving behind a bead of drool that connects from your puffy lower lip and ends at his swollen tip. Your eyes are watery, mascara clumped on your wet eyelashes, and you feel how smeared your red lipstick is. But never mind that because Joel’s looking down at you like you’re the shiniest diamond in the world, pupils blown out and a cheeky grin plastered on his mouth.  

   “Feel good, daddy?” you ask, hand sliding in smooth motions over his massive cock, tongue licking at the bottom of one of his balls while you continue to fist him up and down, smearing more precum and drool in the process. 

   He hisses when you begin to suck, drool caking his skin while you start giving the other one attention with your other hand, squeezing and licking back and forth. “Yeah. Feels real good, babygirl. Makin’ daddy feel so good,” he moans while you massage his balls and work your tongue back up his shaft, leaving red lipstick marks all down his ballsack.

   You fucking love worshipping his cock, his balls, his everything. And you love the way he moans, bucks his hips when you deepthroat him, mutters out curses when he’s so close to coming undone. You savor his salty taste, memorize his guttural groans, praise the way he moans your name when he’s thrusting deep inside your throat. 

   You just love him. And you love making the man cum.

   Deciding to tease him more, you flick your tongue in tantalizing circles, right over his most sensitive spot where his slit pumps more precum out. 

   “Babygirl,” he warns in a husky voice, a deep growl biting at the edge of his throat. 

   “Yes, daddy?” you ask innocently, batting your long eyelashes up at the love of your life. 

   “I’m gonna need ya to stop teasin’ me, darlin’,” he murmurs, eyes slightly narrowed. 

   You giggle, popping him out of your mouth for just a second to catch your breath. “Or what?” you challenge, hoping he’ll catch on or give you what you both want. 

   “You know what,” he smirks, his fingers tangling around your loose curls tightly and drawing you closer. 

   You tick your head to the side and smirk while he matches your fiery stare. He wants it just as badly as you do because you fucking love to swallow him. “Is the big bad devil going to choke me?”

   “Mhm. That’s right, angel. The devil’s gonna choke you alright.” He pushes your head down until your lips are molded to his cock, driving you down down down until you’re gasping for breath. When he brings you back up for air, he has the biggest shit-eating grin on his mouth you’ve ever seen.

   “Look at you. Fuckin’ droolin’ and makin’ a mess on my cock, babygirl,” he smirks, pupils blown wide as he takes in your tear-soaked face. 

   “Mhm. Your mess,” you breathe out with a gasp. 

   He chuckles and nods his head, his tousled curls now messy and disheveled against his sweat-drenched forehead. “That’s right, love. My mess,” he smiles, his light brown irises glistening under his blown-out pupils. “Wanna deepthroat me, sweetheart?”

   You nod up at him with tired eyes, wanting nothing more than to make him cum. “Yes, daddy,” you mewl. 

   “That’s my good girl,” he praises. 

   You settle your palms on his strong thighs, hovering just above his swollen tip. He repositions his hand and fists your hair gently, slowly pulling you back down until you’re sliding your pursed lips over his thick length, taking in his deep musk that masks the stifling air. 

   Taking a deep breath, you get in position and let him work you up and down his length, his hips starting to rut up until he’s fucking your mouth at a rapid pace. You hollow your cheeks, suck him deeper as he thrusts his cock in and out, making you gurgle and gag around his thick width.

   “Jesus Christ, takin’ me like such a good girl. Feels—fuck. Feels good, baby. You still okay?” he chokes out, sweat beading down his tanned forehead as you squeeze his thigh and look up at him through watery eyes. The signal you give him to show him you’re just fine.

   “I’m so… goddamn it. Need to feel you,” he groans, fucking his cock deeper down your throat. As deep as he can go without suffocating you. You just take it, let him pull your hair forcefully, let him hear just how full of him you are, let him use you to get the release he deserves.

   “I’m ’bout to… ‘bout to cum. Ahhhh fuck. Right there. I’m right fuckin’ there,” he moans, throwing his head back as he fucks your throat relentlessly.

   The room starts to spin like a tornado as he shoves you down, deepthroating you as much as you can take. Drool coats your chin. Sputtering, obscene noises fill the room as your throat constricts around his fat cock. You have to breathe through your nose to get any airflow because you’re suffocating.

   Your vision blackens, throat so full of drool and his cock that you think you’ll pass out. Think you might just see heaven’s gates before Joel orgasms. 

   Just when you think you’re done for, Joel’s guttural groans pull you out of the fog. Your nose nudges against his coarse hair, lips molded around his huge width, throat open and squeezing around him as tears stream down your ruined face. 

   “That’s it. Good girl. Good fuckin’ girl. Want you—want you to swallow,” he moans, fingers locked tight in your hair, pulling your head down until you feel him start to spill.

   “Right there. Right—ahhhh fuck.” He’s coming undone, hot ropes of cum leaking down your throat. That salty taste that makes you cross your eyes and suck him down.

   You can’t feel anything but his seed coating your throat,  cum spilling over your smeared red lips, drool caking your chin and sliding down his balls. He’s fucking wrecked. Just like you are. 

   You stay right there, hands firmly on his thighs, lapping up the delicious salt of him until he’s slowly coming back down from his high. And then you’re slowly getting pulled off his long length, drool coating his softening cock.

   You sputter out, coughing violently from being choked by Joel’s thick cock. His large hand glides between your shoulder blades, trying to help you swallow it all down, get ahold of yourself once more. And when you finally feel like you can breathe the stifling air, you collapse against his thigh, cheek pressed against tanned skin as you focus on deep breaths.

   You feel his hand gently massage the back of your scalp, rubbing light circles on the crown of your head as he whispers for you to relax. It feels good. Feels relaxing when he’s caressing you like this. Like you’re his best girl. 

   You are his best girl.

   “Easy now, baby. Jus’ breathe. Did so good for me,” he coos, fingers lacing through your now messy curls. You know you’re a fucking mess, but you just don’t care. 

   “Did I make you feel good, daddy?” you ask, speech a little slurred and voice hoarse from deepthroating Joel.

   He lifts your chin up, index finger and thumb stroking your skin, starting a warm flame kindling in your body. When you lift your eyes, you’re met with warm, syrupy eyes. Eyes that you fell in love with the moment you saw them that first day at the lake.

   His smile is so warm, so big. He looks like he has stars in his brown eyes the way he’s looking at you. All in love while his thumb caresses lovingly against your cheek. “Mhm. Made daddy feel real good, pretty girl,” he grins, eyes shimmering like onyx under the dim lights. 

   God, you love this man.

   “Yeah?” you ask, giggling when he leans down and gets right at eye level with you, a huge smile curling over his plush mouth.

   “Yeah,” he confirms, pushing a loose curl behind your ear before he pulls you into his broad body. His lips crash against yours. His whiskey taste serenading your tongue, woodsy scent making you heated and dizzy from the smell of him. He’s like a drug you can’t get enough of. Addicting and dangerous but yet bottled up with love and care. 

   When he pulls away from you, he smirks, hand trailing down your breasts, going south until he’s trying to slide between your thighs. “Now, let me take care of this—”

   You stop him right there, shoving his hand away with a tsk. “We need to go, baby. We’ll be late.”

   “But I…”

   “Later,” you whisper into the shell of his ear, brushing your lips against warm skin and leaving a red lipstick mark on his cheek.

   He chuckles and nods, teasing his calloused fingers along the nape of your neck. “Alright, sweetheart. Jus’ know that when we get home tonight, I’m takin’ real good care of that pussy. Understand?” He gives you that look. The one that makes your skin tingle and clit pulse with need. You’re going to suffer through this entire Halloween party if he keeps teasing you like that. 

   “Understood, handsome. You going to do that one thing? You know, that special trick with your tongue. What do you call it? Tongue twister,” you giggle while he throws back his head and lets out a belly-aching chuckle. One that makes warmth bubble up inside you. You could listen to him laugh for hours. That melodic, carefree sound. You love to see him happy.

   He wipes off some of the drool and red lipstick on the sleeve of his flannel, laughing as he cleans you off. “You’re such a mess. You know that?”

   You give him a big toothy smile and nod. “Mhm. You love it, though.”

   He sighs and shakes his head, chuckling while he strokes his thumb under the bottom of your lip. “Mmm, yeah. I love you, pretty girl.”

   “I love you too, Joel,” you murmur, eyes glossy. You’re so in love. You give him a quick peck to the cheek and smile up at him, like he’s your entire world.

   He scoops you up off the floor and leads you to the bathroom, littering kisses up and down your jawline. “C’mon. Let’s get your cleaned up before we go. Don’t need ‘em knowin’ what we’ve been doin’ tonight,” he laughs. 

   After he cleans you off with a warm washcloth, you fix your costume and hair. Red lips glossy again, halo straight, wings flat against your back, corset back in place, miniskirt grazing your thighs. And then he takes your hand and leads you down the stairs, into his truck, and to the party.

   Halloween parties were always something you loved, but what you loved more was making Joel Miller, the love of your life, feel good. And that’s exactly what you did tonight. 

   You made his entire Halloween once again.

Tagging a few moots 🩵 @almostfoxglove @almostempty @magpiepills @sanarsi @ace-turned-confused

@aurorawritestoescape @milla-frenchy @mrs-hardy-hunnam-butler @sawymredfox @littlevenicebitch69 @alltheirdamn @burntheedges

[landograndprix]

My yellow ✾ d.r

summary: you're not the only two who love your marriage.

requested: yes!

a/n: I'm having way too much fun with these, please keep requesting them 🥺

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y/nricciardo

liked by landonorris, danielricciardo and 802,786 others

tagged: danielricciardo

view all 1,421 comments

y/nbabees here she goes again, what is the context bestie????

danieldr3 what love language is this?

y/nricciardo tough loving

charlos5516 and they say romance is dead

loverskies29 Daniel is holding up 4 fingers...4th album soon? 👀

y/nluvu god I hope so it's been too long :(

danielricciardo exploiting your husband again?

y/nricciardo so he is good for something?

norrizz4 should we get the divorce papers ready? 👀

ricienation mother make new music please we've been starving, there's no crumbs left

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danielricciardo

liked by landonorris, y/nricciardo and 798,543 others

danielricciardo happy birthday to the wife who has the best husband in the world, you're so lucky to have this handsome men by your side, you should always remember this. Happy birthday, my luv. ❤️

tagged: y/nricciardo, landonorris

view all 876 comments

landos4 crying why'd you post a picture of lando 😭

leclercc_16 that's his wife, what do you mean?

y/nricciardo can confirm, I'm just a side piece.

landonorris thanks luv. ❤️

scottyjames31 love the cake, facts were spoken.

dr3ln4 watch it scotty, her next song will be about you 🤪

scottyjames31 it'd be an honor

y/nupdates y/n is a whole mood in the last picture, unbothered queen. ♡

dannyswife favorite couple 🥰

y/nricciardo posted on their story

☆☆☆☆☆

y/nricciardo

liked by mclaren, danielricciardo and 178,254 others

y/nricciardo something in the orange

tagged: mclaren, danielricciardo

view all 978 comments

sharlos55 supportive wife y/n activated

y/nricric you don't understand how much I've missed you on the grid, you looked fabulous once again 😍

y/nricciardo using my man's and his team to promote my new song once again? you bet your sweet ass I am. #ColorsComingSoon

y/nfan004 rip to the people who don't read the comments 😭

Bott_ass you can't just drop this out of the nowhere, I'm hyperventilating 😫

danniericario I'm convinced flipping you off is Daniel's way of saying I love you

y/nricciardo oh no, he really can't stand me but same to be honest

danielricciardo ❤️

dr3ln4 babe wake up mom and dad are being mom and dad again

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y/nricciardo

liked by danielricciardo, pierregasly and 217,111 others

y/nricciardo it's been a while but after months of writing and producing with the best team ever, my new song Colors is out now on Apple music & spotify 🧡

view all 1,999 comments

zoeeeey I could've used a warning of sorts 🤯

mickschummy when have we ever had a solid release date for anything, bestie is so chaotic she'll drop an song or album whenever she wants 😭

y/nnnnn2000 we've been fed!!

redbulldanny is this song about Daniel?

y/nricciardo don't tell him, it'll boost his ego 😉

landonorris this about me, right?

charles_leclerc this will be on repeat for days!

thefridgirlies we love a bunch of supportive friends 🥰

danielricciardo big fan of this

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y/nricciardo

liked by carlossainz55, danielricciardo and 214,542 others

y/nricciardo three years ago, this man made the best decision of his life by marrying me. It's amazing how we've tolerated each other for this long but all jokes aside, thanks for making me feel loved every hour of the day ♡♡

We'll keep saying it; marry your best friend ❤️

tagged: danielricciardo

view all 1,216 comments

sainzchili happy anniversary to you 2! 💞

landonorris congrats mom and dad ❤️

landochaos have they adopted you already?

Isahernaez happy anniversary! ❤️

y/nricciardo ❤️

chilileclerc_ your up next Isa!

dannielricc 3 years?! It seems like yesterday we first saw you in the paddock 😭

danielricciardo and here i thought that we were just partners for one night. ❤️

maxmaxmax DANIEL 💀 💀

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danielricciardo posted on their story

[redrayvenrr]

Y'all are sleeping on Sweets headcanons, so I am here to pick up the slack (which ended up becoming a long rant, and I'm not sorry)

-Sweets' bitch from another ditch Gael is a tattoo artist, y'all know Sweets is Gael's test dummy

Sweets is probably covered head to toe in the randomists tattoos. They got at least one full sleeve, 7 of them are incomplete, and maybe like 3-5 of them are actually ones Sweets wanted

But I offer you Nat coloring Sweets' tattoos to the point where Sweets buys her temporary tattoo markers for her birthday

-Essence Eaters live longer than the average person, right? So Sweets could easily be twice Law's age but is still making fun of him and calling him an old man despite him being in his 20's (imagine Sweets being born in the 70's-80's and Law 90's-early 2000's XD Sweets is very happy that ripped jeans are back in style)

I also imagine Sweets with longer hair because at some point they decided that going to get a hair cut every month or so is too much of a hassle for how long their life span is (and I offer you Sweets eventually needing to dye their hair grey to match Law's so they still look like a couple to non-attuned (I'm not sorry))

Also, remember that in the "getting patched up-" video Law says that "this doesn't look like one of the little scuffles you do for fun at the circle"???? Hello??? Street fighter Sweets??? Go kick ass Sweets you got this baby

-And scars?? I'd imagine they'd obviously have the few you get from childhood, and if we're going with street fighter Sweets, then they probably have a bit more than normal. Like on their knuckles and maybe one on their cheek/forehead/lip/ankles or something. But ya know, it's just for fun, and every once in a while, they're not addicted to fighting or anything

But then the fight with Joel? Joel was out for blood, and Sweets practically died. There are definitely scars, one of which I imagine being a scratch over their eye cause I'm edgy like that (plus it makes sense that Joel would use everything in his arsenal to take down the all powerful Sweets which means nails and playing dirty).

But there is definitely a bite scar since he drained Sweets' lifeforce, which is why they were so concerned about Law getting scarred after the train incident. They don't want him living through that pain they feel every time they see their own bite scar (and ya know they can't live with the idea of hurting Law so "please at least don't let my mistakes scar")

-And speaking of the train incident Law stated that Sweets is strong as all hell and I'm here for it and I need them to crush a watermelon and Law looses his shit (buff Sweets for the wiiiin)

-Sweets' heartbeat was already a comfort for Law, but after Joel, you'll often find Law pressed against their heart. Cuddling on Sweets' chest is a must. When Law has a bad day, Sweets immediately presses him against their chest. Hugs often are one of Law's arms wrapped around them and his other hand press against their chest. Law sitting in between Sweets' legs so he can lean his back or shoulder against their heart

-I think it would be funny if Sweets also had an accent (like Bitish or Scottish or some shit) and everyone enjoys watching Nat struggle with her own accent because she'd have the weirdest mix of her father's southern, her mother's average american, and Sweets' (maybe a bit of uncle desdes)

(And while we're talking about Nat, when are we getting her dog!??! Please, I need the household to just become Spy X Family)

-Can we talk about how good Sweets is with kids? Where did you pick that up? Cause I just always imagined them as an orphaned only child? Like I physically can't see them with a family before Law and Nat, but maybe that's just me

(Maybe they grew up in foster homes and were always the older sibling of the group? Idk)

-One order of Sweets being good at the guitar and singing, strumming their guitar while Law plays the piano and singing Nat to sleep please

Sweets being in a band as a teen in the 80's/90's sounds like good blackmail for Gage to abuse (especially the hair) (but like imagine them doing a killer rift then proceeding to sing Def Leppard)

-I think their job would be like a metal worker or glass blowing, and I don't have an explanation as to why

-Sweets honestly feels like the most responsible and mature person out of all the characters they're just shit at taking care of themself and, say it with me: ✨️traumatized✨️

-I also imagine Sweets as a male, but that's my own problem

But imagine Nat finally calling them dad, and they just combust

Plus Sweets feels like one of those dads who drops a piece of lore then never speaks of it again (whereas Law is the hands on hips, legs apart dad pose (you know the one I'm talking about))

The idea of Sweets being "one of the guys" with Law's coworkers gives me life (because yes Love/Newbie is also a male cause if Desmond isn't just a pure gay man then you're wrong (honestly like 90% the listeners are male in my head)idk)

[pocket-jack]

Hey, guys! I decided to torture myself before sleep beacause... Why not? So, here's KidKiller's rough sheets with some headcanons I have for the guys (probably with a lot off mistakes cus my browser refuses to fix them for me)

Kid time, baby

I draw him differently now. I know his face looks more... diamond shaped in anime, but I can't get rid of his square coded energy, so... Heart-shaped it is!

When he recieved his eye scar he didn't lose the ability to see, but now it get's dry really fast and if he won't do something about it it'll gonna ache.

He had multiple piercings on his ear, but his powers just kept pulling them and one day almost ripped his ear of, so he (with a manly tears) decided to take them off.

I headcanon him wearing a corset, because he's a little chubby and he can't get rid of this extra fat (not with his appetites). Also everytime when he takes it off, not only he's forced to look at his hanging stomach, but he's also has to fight off Killer. Killer's only dream was for Kid to be well fed and happy.

Nor his, nor Killer's sexuality is defined by them, but actually based out of other's observations. Kid is pansexual because he's kinda gender blind. For him it's confusing that you're weak just because you have tits and extra hole between your legs. He's also demiromantic. Both of those preference he acquired during Kutsukku (where you couldn't trust anyone, even your lover. And where the gender norms were the least of your concerns)

He also have undiagnosed ADHD which mostly give him extra impulsivity and also now the metal can speak (thank ye, neurodivergency!). Sometimes it's stresses him the hell off, especially during Kutsukku. He could not sleep because of all of this buzzing he kept hearing from EVERYWHERE. Now he can control it, but sometimes it returnd and he has to suffer.

Metal also responds to his hidden emotions. It may float when he thinks, reflects or remembering something. It may rumble when he's angry, concerned, scared. Or it may form something if he's happy, in love or something like that.

He's hard rock kinda guy, we all know this, but I headcanon him as a music lover in general (so whatever makes his brain go bzzt, mostly rock). I find Thrown a couple of month ago and it's sounds like something Kid would like (probably even kin, esp Backfire). MSI is a basic thing for him to have (every punk need at least one song in their playlist). I guess not every person will understand it, but Пшлнхй is such a Kid coded song (Every Russian proverb, but one part is just sending you to fuck yourself is something that Kid would do irl. The chorus is just... mmm)

Killer, my beloved!!!!

I love headcanoning him as androgenous. He has a feminine features: oval shaped face, eyes with big eyelashes, even his lips is a little softer than the average male lips. That is the main reason why he hid his face, because everyone would bully him fot it when he was young. Killer was confused with a girl a lot during his time on Kutsukku.

During timeskip he strained a lot of muscles just to get stronger. He was neglecting himself most of the time, because he had a mission: to become stronger so he'll never fail to protect Kid ever again. They also been really distant during their training. Only when Killer hurted his arm they bounded again. Kid was surprisingly a good mentor for his healing. Probably because their trauma was almost the same

When he's wearing a mask he usually get's his hair out of the way so it wouldn't mess with his vision

Pre timeskip he wanted to work on his style, feeling obliged to do so, cus his crew was dressing up in colorful styles. He choose to fit into more West Bluish kinda style (cowboy boots and pants). But then anxiety hitted him and suddenly he felt too vissible and everyone was looking at him and... Let's just say it wasn't a pleasant expirience for him. He just wanted to show that he was a part of the crew too, but now he feels himself too overreacting and dramatic and stuff. It took a lot of time for everyone to convince him that it wasn't about the look, but more about the comfort. With their support Killer started wearing something he likes more, and it felt fantastic. He actually started to like himself in the mirror a bit more after timeskip and then Wano happened

Killer is asexual beacuse of the amount of trauma he suffered during his childhood. I hc him having a low libido too. He's still feels romantic attraction (only for Kid), and if he asks, Killer will have sex with him without hesitation. But it's only for Kid, OR for his sake

It is so logical for him to have OCD. Just him casualy living and then the dread that if he won't do something usefull his crew will see how fucking usless and worthless he actually is and live him behind the same his parents did just suddenly hits him. Oh hey! Anxiety! Abandonment issues! This man will explode, please, give him a hug.

It got worse after Wano. He's doing bad things with his face and no one knows. Even Kid. (I love making them suffer for the sake of Hurt\Comfort)

I am 100% sure Killer is a Queen guy. It just gives me Killer vibes... The same with Elton John. And also... To fit in his pre timeskip cowboy vibes into the oven,,, He's actually like country rock alongside with glam rock. Barns Courtney is his favorate

So... How do you like my silly little headcanons? Maybe I post something about Heat and Wire too. Welp, I'm fainting out of exaustion, bye!

[reidtina]

Restrained

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Content warnings: +18 MDI sex, roleplay, handcuffs, petnames, orgasm, creampie (youre on the pill tho and youre married), idk

Word count: 4.9k

Summary: Spencer Reid and Y/N had been married for nearly 10 years, and things got a little boring in the bedroom department, so they decided to spice things up a little. Tonight they're using his handcuffs for something other than arresting criminals...

a/n: this is my first spencer fic, so idk if its good, hope yall like it just as much as I liked writing it. Btw, its also on ao3, as always. love you guys. If you enjoy it pls like and repost

You and Spencer had been dating for nearly 10 years (9 years, 8 months and 24 days, like he pointed out earlier), and had been married for about half of this time, and you quickly found out that the whole “couples stop having sex after a while of being married” thing is not entirely bullshit. It’s not like you didn’t ever have sex, but with work and him being out of town all the time things just got colder, you did have sex, but it wasn’t so exciting and to be honest, as much as you were attracted to each other, it felt more like a chore. So that’s why you decided to try something new every week, you missed the beginning stages of dating and how a minor touch turned into you two sweating and trying to breath as your bodies collided in the most delicious dance.

Tonight’s idea wasn’t entirely new, you always had a thing for him wearing his FBI bulletproof vest or anything that reminded you that he was an FBI agent, a really hot one, by the way. And when you brought up the idea, he was more than willing to try, he had been meaning to try new things as well, as he had read that it’s a good idea to spice things up so the marriage don’t become boring and falls apart.

So tonight, when he got home from a work trip, still wearing his suit and looking extra hot, he decided to try out your suggestion, taking the opportunity as you had said it’d be even hotter if you weren’t expecting it, adding spontaneity to the mix.

He opened the door just to find you on the couch, reading a book and drinking a glass of wine wearing only an old shirt of his and pajama shorts. He grins at the sight, he loves to watch you read, but it makes him want to rip your clothes off. When you look up at him, you know what’s going to happen next.

“I’ve heard someone here hasn’t been exactly a good girl” he feels a little embarrassed to say this, but the look on your face quickly makes him lose any embarrassment he could possible feel.

“Am I not a good girl?” you ask as you put down your book on the side table next to the glass of wine. He pretends to consider this as he sits down next to you on the couch “Well, most of the time you are a very good girl… but you can be naughty sometimes too.”

You smirk, starting to enjoy this “Oh, yeah?” you ask almost in a whisper.

“Oh, don’t play coy with me,” he says, his voice dropping to a low murmur. “I can think of a few times just last week when you were being very naughty”

“Like when?” you whisper.

“Oh, I could give you a list if I wanted to,” he answers, his lips now grazing your neck. “But I can think of one specific instance that really stood out.”

“And what was it?” you genuinely had no idea what he could say, considering that with this whole “let’s spice up our marriage” thing you had been having insane amounts of sex and doing all sorts of new things.

His hand slips under your shirt, his fingertips gently tracing along your skin. “Let’s just say that little stunt you pulled in front of the bedroom mirror a week ago really got me going.”

Now you remember, last week he fingered you in front of the full length mirror you have in your room and made you watch. You lean into his ear and whisper “Oh, you mean when you fingered me in front of the mirror so I could watch it?”

He shivers at your words, his hand clutching at your hip. “Yes, that, exactly that,” he growls in your ear. “I really loved that little show you put on.”

You raise your eyebrow in a fake surprise and ask “Did you?”

He nods, his hand slowly moving up your torso again. “Mhmm, I especially enjoyed the sounds you were making.”

You smirk and say “I can't help myself when your fingers are inside me”. His hand finally reaches its destination, cupping your breast, he’s always glad you don’t wear a bra when you’re home. “I know you can’t. And I certainly enjoy it.” He nips at your earlobe, his breath hot against your skin. “I was so excited about it, in fact, that I wanted to reward you right then.”

“Maybe you should reward me right now.” you whisper back to him. A low growl escapes his throat as he pulls back slightly to look you in the eyes. “Oh really? You think you’re ready for a reward now? Don’t you think you’ve been a bad girl?”

“I guess it’s your job to find out, Agent Reid.” you say, the title you just called him making you even wetter.

He moves closer, his body pressing against yours. “You know, I’ll have to conduct a thorough investigation to make sure you’re a good girl…” You chuckle and reply “Do what you must, agent.”

He grins, clearly enjoying the roleplay. “Oh, I plan on it.” He suddenly stands, gently grabbing your hand and pulling you up along with him. “Now, come with me. I need to thoroughly investigate.” You stand up and he guides you down the short hallway to your bedroom, walking backwards and keeping his eyes firmly fixed on you. He pushes the door open and steps inside, pulling you in behind him. “Now, we’ll need somewhere to conduct this investigation…” He looks around the room pretending to look for something, before his gaze settles on the bed, a knowing look in his eyes.

He pushes you back towards the bed, gently guiding you down to sit on the edge of the mattress. “First, we’ll need to begin searching for any evidence of bad behavior…”  He steps back slightly and pretends to look you over intently, as if inspecting you for any indications of misconduct.

“Mmm, I’m not seeing anything so far…” he says, his eyes roaming over your body. “But, just to be safe, I will need you to lie down, please.” Not even a second after he said that, you’re laying down on the bed.

He steps forward again, standing in between your legs, his gaze hungrily taking in the sight of you. “Mmm, much better. The more evidence there is, the better…” He slowly reaches down, his hands roaming up your bare legs, he loves it when all you’re wearing is one of his old shirts and really short shorts. “Now,” he continues, his voice lower and huskier now. “How far does the evidence go?”

His hands continue to move up up your legs, reaching the hem of your shirt and pulling it up slightly. “Let’s start here,” he mutters, his hands gently pushing your shirt up further, exposing your stomach. “I need to make sure no bad behavior is hiding under here…” His hands continue up, inching your shirt even higher as he takes his time inspecting your body for any signs of “bad behavior”.

 “Looks all clear so far… but I can’t be too careful…” He lifts the shirt up over your head, gently removing it and tossing it aside. “Ah, much better. Now I can see my evidence a lot clearer.”  He grins mischievously, his eyes raking over your bare chest. “And I see a few things I should inspect more closely…”

You breathe deeply as he gets closer to your breasts with his face and you can feel his hot breath on your bare skin. He looks up at you, his eyes full of lust. “Mmm yes, I see some very important evidence here that I need to get a closer look at…”

He grins at your response, his lips now ghosting over your skin. “Excellent. I’ll need to take my time with these…they’re very important to the case.” He moves closer, his mouth finally making contact with your skin as he slowly starts peppering kisses along your chest and you moan softly. He smirks at the sound of your moan, his lips curving against your skin. “Yes, don’t hold back your sounds, sweetheart. I need to hear every response.” He continues kissing across your chest, his tongue occasionally darting out to taste your skin.

He moves in, his lips hovering just above your skin as he speaks. “You don’t mind if I have a closer look, do you? You have to collaborate with this federal investigation” You shake your head “I don’t mind, go ahead, agent.”

“So far, this evidence is turning out to be very good…” he mutters against your skin, moving towards your right nipple. “But I think I need to investigate further…” His mouth moves closer to your nipple, and you can feel the heat of his breath against your sensitive skin. “I see something very interesting right here…” He stops just short of your nipple, looking up at you with a sly grin. “But before I get started, I’ll to ask you a few questions, if you don’t mind.”

You sigh with disappointment and say “Go ahead.” He grins, enjoying teasing you, his mouth still hovering tantalizingly close to your breast. “Good. This won’t take long, I just need to make sure you’re being honest with me, sweetheart.” He pauses, waiting for a hint of confirmation from you before continuing, you nod.

“Good girl,” he murmurs, his breath tickling your skin. “Now, the first question is… do you know why you’re being investigated today?”

“No, sir, why?” you ask in fake innocence. He smiles, continuing his teasing. “Well, reports claim that you’ve been quite naughty recently…” He lifts his head slightly, his eyes meeting yours. “Is that true? Have you been naughty lately?”

“That wouldn't be me, agent.” you say, trying to hold back a grin.

“You know lying to law enforcement is illegal, right? And the sources say you’ve been doing some very naughty things…” he counters, his lips still a breath away from your skin. “Oh, yeah? Like what?” you try to look surprised. He grins again, his lips now grazing your skin. “Oh, various things…but especially this little incident that just happened a week ago…” He leans in closer to your ear as he whispers, “I think you know what I’m speaking of.”

“I have no idea, agent, what is it?” you want to hear him saying. He laughs softly. “Oh, don’t play coy with me. I know how good your memory is…” He moves back, his gaze holding yours firmly. “Do I need to remind you what happened, miss?”

“Yes, agent Reid.”

He smirks, enjoying the roleplay more and more. “Okay, maybe I can jog your memory, then.” A shiver runs through him as he speaks, remembering the night in question. “Think about a week ago. What happened with us in front of the mirror?”

You smirk just from thinking of it. “Do you mean when you fingered me to tears and made me watch?” He lets out a soft chuckle, his fingers digging into your legs slightly. “Yes, exactly that… and how did that make you feel?”

“Good as fuck… sir.” You pause before calling him sir, still a little shy about the roleplay. He laughs, his teeth scraping against your collarbone. “I know it did. You were making the most delicious sounds…”  He leans in close to your ear, his voice dropping to a low whisper. “But don’t you think that was naughty behavior?”

“Maybe it was, agent.” You pretend to look innocent, but deep down you just want him to punish you in the hottest ways possible. He chuckles, clearly not buying your act. “Maybe it was? I think it was.” He moves his head back to look you in the eyes again, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. “And do you think naughty behavior deserves a punishment?”

“Absolutely.” You nod, eager for whatever punishment he decides to give you. He grins, clearly enjoying this game just as much as you. “Good answer. So you admit that you deserve to be punished for being naughty?”

“Yes.”

“And if you admit that you deserve a punishment, then you should also agree to take this punishment like a good girl, shouldn’t you?”

“Absolutely, agent.”

“Correct. And luckily I have just the punishment in mind for you…” He moves back, standing up straight. “Since you seem so eager for your punishment, I think I’ll just start with it right now.” He looks down at you, a devilish gleam in his eyes. “Now, I need you to do something for me, okay?”

“What is it?” you ask, barely able to wait for him to touch you.

He smiles, his fingers gently tracing along your legs. “I need you to sit up for me, please.”

 You sit back up as he asked.

“Good girl” he says, his voice soft and approving. “Now, I’m just going to grab something quickly, alright?” He turns away, grabbing his handcuffs from his drawer in the nightstand.

He looks back at you, holding up the handcuff with a smirk. “Perfect. Now, hold your hands out, please.”

“Such a good girl.” He says when you hold your hands in front of your body. He moves forward, carefully handcuffing you. He looks down at his work, inspecting your hands with a nod. “Looks good. Now, lie back down.” As you lie down, he moves back up to the bed, crawling up to kneel between your legs. “Now, I have another request for you.” He pauses, his hand gently trailing up your legs. “I need you to keep your legs open for me… don’t move them at all.”

You open your legs, and now your panties are picking out from the waistband of your shorts. He grins, his eyes roaming hungrily over your body. “Good girl. You know how to listen well…” He reaches down, his fingers sliding up under your shorts, slowly pushing it down to reveal more of your skin. “But you don’t move your legs until I say so, do you understand?”

“Understood, agent Reid.” you say and feel kinda proud you’re also a Reid. “Very good.” He moves closer, now hovering just above you. “You’re a perfect little canvas to work with right now.” He rests a hand on your stomach, tracing small circles with his fingertips. “But I do need to know something else first…”

“What is it, agent?” you ask genuinely curious and eager for him to just touch you already. He grins, clearly enjoying the fact that you’re eager and desperate for his touch. “I need to know how badly you want this. How badly do you want me to touch you right now?”

“Really bad.”

He laughs lightly at your response. “I can see that. But I need you to tell me in words. How badly do you want me?”

“I want you really bad.”

He leans down, his mouth hovering just above your body. “And I know you’re desperate for my touch, aren’t you?”

“I am.” That couldn’t be more true.

He moves down, now resting on his forearms as he positions himself between your legs. “I can see that. You’re practically trembling… begging for me to touch you…”

“It’s torture.” You say.

“I know. But I need to be thorough. I need to collect all the evidence that I can… and I’m finding plenty of evidence that you’re being desperate and needy…”

“Does it mean I'm being a bad girl?” you ask teasingly.

He lets out a soft chuckle. “Yes, I would say it does. You’re having such a desperate, needy reaction to me right now… it’s incredibly bad girl behavior.” He leans down and kisses your inner thigh. “But you’re also being a good girl, because you haven’t closed your legs yet…”

“I'm not all bad, you see?” You smirk.

He smiles up at you, his mouth still trailing kisses on your thigh. “Mhm, and I’ve also discovered that you’re being a very good girl, because you’ve been so eager and compliant… it’s making the evidence collection very easy for me. But you know what I really want to do right now?” He looks up at you, a gleam in his eyes.

“What?”

He moves back up, his mouth hovering just above yours. “I really want to taste you…”

A smirk takes over your mouth as you ask. “And what's stopping you from doing so?”

He laughs, his lips just barely grazing against yours as he speaks. “Nothing. But first I need a little confirmation from you, sweetheart.”

“Confirmed.” You say softly as you nod eagerly.

“Perfect.”

He presses his lips to yours in a deep, hungry kiss. As he kisses you, his hands begin to roam up and down your body, gently exploring every inch of skin.

He gently tugs at the fabric of your shorts without breaking the kiss. “Mmm, this is in the way.”

“Take it off, agent.” you whisper.

He smirks at your eagerness, and then moves back, his hands moving to the hem of your shorts. “I will. But first I have something else I want to do.”

“Something ELSE?” You sigh in frustration “What is it now?”

He laughs lightly at you reaction. “My needy girl is impatient, is she?” He reaches up and pushes his hand into the side of your hair, tugging gently until your head is tilted back. “I just want to ask you one more question, sweetheart.”

“What?”

He leans in, his mouth by your ear. “Do you know why I want to taste you so badly?”

“Why, sir?” you shiver at the feeling of his breath on your skin.

“Because you look so delicious right now.”  You smirk at the complement.

He moves back, his gaze raking over your body. “With your arms restricted and your little short barely covering your thighs… it’s too tempting. I need a taste.”

“Have it, please.” You’re begging now.

He grins, clearly amused by how desperate you are. “Mmm, since you asked so nicely, I think I will.” He moves down, his mouth going to your thighs, slowly kissing and running his tongue along your skin.

His mouth travels higher and higher, until he finally reaches the edge of your shorts. He looks up at you, a glint in his eyes. “These are a bit of a blockade, aren’t they?”

You nod and say “I hate those.”

He smiles, his fingers hooking under the waistband of your shorts and your panties as well. “Then I’ll just have to take care of that problem…” He starts to tug at your shorts and panties, slowly sliding both of them down your legs. “There we go…”He pulls them off, dropping them to the ground beside the bed. He looks down at you, a look of pure hunger in his eyes. “Mmm, now I have complete access… and I’m going to enjoy taking my time with you.”

He lowers himself back down, his mouth continuing its journey along your body. His lips and tongue trail up your legs, then along your inner thighs until finally, they’re where you want them most. He pauses for a moment, his eyes meeting yours. “You taste so sweet… just like I knew you would.” You moan at the praise.

He smiles, clearly enjoying the noise you’re making. “I like that sound.”

He starts to move again, his tongue flickering against your flesh as he explores it. “So needy and desperate… my little sweet treat…” You can feel his nose on your clit while his tongue is exploring your pussy. He moans softly, enjoying the feeling of your body trembling underneath him, the vibration of the moan stimulating you even more. “You’re being so good for me, sweetheart.”

He continues to use his mouth to devour you as if he can’t get enough of you. “I’m going to drive you insane.” He says, but he’s already driving you fucking crazy, he always does, no one eats pussy like Spencer Reid.

“You already are.” you say through heavy breaths, your whole body trembling. He laughs lightly. “But I’m not done yet.” He looks up at you, his eyes holding yours as his tongue continues to work. “I’m going to play with you until I’m satisfied… and right now, I am far from satisfied.”

The look on his eyes combined with his pussy eating abilities make your whole body tenses up and then, a few seconds later, it relaxes in an orgasm as you scream. He grins, clearly pleased with your response. “There it is.” He says moving back up your body, his mouth now on your neck. “I love making you scream.”

“Fuck, Spencer.” you say, trying to catch your breath again. He laughs against your skin. “I love hearing you swear.” He presses his body against yours, his mouth by your ear. “And I’m not done with you yet.”

“Thankfully, cause I'm not either.” You say, already ready for more of him.

He chuckles, clearly enjoying your enthusiasm. “I knew you’d want more.” He rolls over onto his back, pulling you up on top of him so that you’re now straddling his hips. “I’m not going to release your hands just yet.” He looks up at you, his hands going to your hips. “But you look so pretty like this… all tied up on top of me…”

You smirk, his compliments still making you blush, even after being married for so long, maybe that’s true love. He smiles, he knows and loves the fact that you’re still so affected by his words. “And it gives me so many possibilities.” He looks up at you, a glint in his eyes. “For example, I could just pin you down and do whatever I want to you right now…”

“… but instead I’m going to let you do the work.”

He loosens his grip on your hips slightly, giving you the freedom to move. “How does that sound to you, sweetheart?”

You nod “I like it, agent.”

“Good girl.” He smiles, his hands roaming up and down your sides. “Now I want you to start riding my thigh, sweetheart.” You start moving your hips back and forth, creating friction between his pants and your clit. He moans softly, his hands still on your hips. “There you go, princess. Just like that… nice and slow. You look so pretty like this.” He has always liked the sensation of you pleasuring yourself on him. He moans softly, the opposite of your own loud moans, his hands gripping your hips a little tighter. “You’re so needy and desperate… it’s driving me wild.”

“Can you please fuck me?” you finally ask.

He grins at your forwardness, clearly enjoying the effect he’s having on you. “You want me to, sweetheart?”

You pause your movements and nod. “Yes, agent.”

“Then you’re going to have to beg for it.” You’d get on your fucking knees and beg if you had to. “Please, agent Reid, you said you'd reward me if you found I've been a good girl, and I have, you didn't find any evidence of bad behavior.”

He laughs lightly at your pleading as if he hadn’t asked for it. “I did say that, didn't I?” He moves his hands up to your sides, his thumb tracing circles on your skin. “And you’ve been such a good girl for me, haven’t you?”

“Yes, I have.”

He smiles, his hands roaming up and down your body. “Then I suppose you should have your reward, shouldn’t you?”

“Please.”

He moves his hands down to your thighs, his fingers trailing up and down your skin. “Okay, sweetheart. I’m going to give you what you want. But first I need you to get off me and lie back down on the bed. Hands above your head, just how I like it.”

You smirk and do as he told you to. He grins, clearly enjoying the fact that you’re obeying him. “Good girl. You’re just being so obedient for me, and that’s how I like you… so obedient and pliable. Doing whatever I tell you to, no questions asked.”

He moves up, now hovering over you. “Now, I want you to keep your hands above your head. Don’t moving them at all, understood, sweetheart?”

“Yes, agent.”

“Good girl.”

He starts to kiss and bite your skin, his mouth moving down to your collarbone. His hands roam up and down your sides, his touch leaving a trail of heat across your skin. He moves back up to your mouth, his lips crashing into yours in a deep kiss. His mouth devours yours, his tongue exploring every inch of your mouth.

He looks down at you, his eyes practically eating your body. “You look so pretty like this… all tied up and desperate… so obedient… and all for me…” He leans down, his mouth attacking your neck. “And I’m going to enjoy every second of this.”

He pulls back from the kiss, his eyes roaming down your body. His hands move to his belt, unbuckling it with practiced ease. He looks up at you as he takes off  his blazer and throws it on the floor then takes off his tie and opens his shirt, revealing his body.

When he already threw all off it on the floor, he leans in, his mouth attacking your neck once more, leaving a trail of kisses and bites along your skin. His hands roam down your body, his touch leaving goosebumps in its wake.

He gets up and looks down at you, taking in the sight of you in nothing as he unzips his pants, pushes them down and tosses them to the side, leaving him in his boxer briefs. “Mmm, now we’re more equal, aren’t we, sweetheart?”

You chuckle “Almost”

He smirks, his eyes roaming over your body. “Almost.” He agrees as he pulls his boxers off revealing his big dick and then crawls over you, his body covering yours. He looks down at you, a smile spreading across his face. “Now there’s no barriers between us.”

“Like it should be” you whisper.

He smiles pleased by your answer. “That’s exactly right, sweetheart.” He nuzzles into your neck, his lips trailing kisses along your skin. He then places his dripping tip on your entrance and looks you in the eye as he slides it in. He’s watching your reaction as he pushes in, his hands gripping your thighs, his eyes locked on your face the whole time. “You feel so good” he says and you both moan when he’s fully inside you.

He looks down at you, his face full of need. “You feel so good around me, sweetheart. So tight and so eager….”

He moans softly, his grip on your thighs tightening. “I’m not going to last long if you keep doing that…” he says when you moan his name into his ear.

You put your legs up his shoulders, making him hit the spot that makes you both go crazy. He hisses as he hits it, his head rolling back. “Fuuuck, you’re going to make me lose control.“ You’re nearly crying outta pleasure and it's getting hard to keep your hands up.

“I can tell you’re getting tense… you’re not going to be able to hold out for much longer, are you?” You shake your head and say “No.” He knows you and your body so well, that’s the result of nearly 10 years of marriage.

He grins, loving the power he has over you in this moment. "But I'm not done with you yet sweetheart."

Your breath becomes heavier and faster as you’re reaching the second orgasm of the night “I’m getting close.” you manage to say through moans and heavy breaths.

He keeps the pace steady. "I want you to let yourself go. I want you to give into the feeling." his words were all you needed to allow the orgasm to take over your body.

He feels you tighten around him as you orgasm and he whispers in your ear "That's it… good girl.”

He keeps moving, his movements more urgent, more desperate now as he’s trying to reach his own orgasm. He can tell he’s getting close, the feeling starting to overwhelm him, his muscles tensing. “Sweetheart… I can’t hold back any longer…”

“Cum inside me.” You ask, but he always did, you were on the pill anyways, but saying it felt so hot.

He starts moving faster, driven by your words of encouragement. His breath quick as his hands slide down your body leaving his fingerprints all over your skin. He’s getting close, you can tell. His body is tense, his eyes locked on yours. He shudders with pleasure as he reaches his orgasm, his eyes locked on yours, his breath ragged and labored. “That was incredible.” He says as he collapses on top of you, his body trembling with aftershocks.

You take a deep breath before agreeing. “Yes, it was.”

He buries his face in your neck, still trying to catch his breath. “Sweetheart, you were amazing. You are amazing. Always”

You smile at the praise and say your favorite words. “I love you, Spencer.”

He smiles back as he replies “I love you, Y/N.” he pauses before saying. “Now I need to get those handcuffs’ keys, we don’t want you restrained forever”

You chuckle, “Oh, you better know where they are.”

[yourmomxx]

Father of Mine

father of mine masterlist

summary: All Dean Winchester ever wanted was to protect the people he loved. Sometimes, in order to do that, he had to make hard decisions, Lisa and Ben were the prime example. Years after making another one of those hard decisions, he has to come back to the place where he had left a piece of his heart - only to be constantly reminded of what he had to sacrifice in order to keep his family safe.

warnings: canon violence, child abandonment, swear words, angst, daddy issues, character death, throwing up, this is written like an episode of Supernatural

word count: 8,2k

a/n: I’ve been writing this story for … a year now? I think? And I’ve gotta admit, I am so happy that it is finally out. Everything that I write means incredibly much to me, but this story just holds such a special place in my heart and I am very happy to share it now with you guys. I do hope you like it, and, as always, reblogs are very much appreciated because that way the story gets spread to more people! Now, enjoy!

flashbacks are written in italics

pt1 pt2 pt3

Cleveland, Ohio 2002

The bar was crowded with people.

Gruffed men wearing leather jackets and intoxicated women in crop-tops were all sprawled out around an alcohol booth in the middle.

In another corner, currently bathed in purple and orange spotlight, a guy with an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt and a bucket-hat was giving a lousy cover of ‘God save the Queen’ by Sex Pistols.

♫ ♪ “Don't be told what you want. Don't be told what you need. There's no future, no future, no future for you!” ♫ ♪

On one of the way too small bar chairs, sipping a burning mix of whiskey and ginger ale, was sitting Dean Winchester, and he was pissed.

Pissed at his stupid father, who was acting like Dean was a 15-year-old with no common sense whatsoever, pissed at the goddamn ghost that had found an incredible pleasure in almost ripping his fingers off his hands, and pissed at stupid Sam for just getting up one day and leaving him - didn’t matter if that had been months ago.

And with every drink that Dean downed, he started feeling more like “Dad can kiss my ass” instead of “Dad has been doing this much longer than you and just knows better”. Meaning, he should probably slow down.

But whatever.

His Dad could kiss his ass.

♫ ♪ “Oh when there's no future, how can there be sin? We're the flowers in the dustbin!” ♫ ♪

“Why, hello,” he suddenly heard a sweet voice next to him say.

Dean turned his head and was met face to face with friendly, glimmering eyes.

Those, just as the voice that had spoken to him, belonged to a young woman who seemed to have just appeared next to him.

He moved his gaze up and down her body.

Apart from her eyes, she had smooth skin, that was covered with glowing sweatpearls, most likely because of the stuffy air around them.

Or maybe, just like Dean, she had had a couple drinks too many.

A few, fine strands of her shoulder-length hair were tousled, likely from combing her hands through it.

He licked his lips. “Well, hello you. With whom do I have the pleasure?”

He was laying on thick and he knew that, but it’s not like he could care about it.

“Gloria. Richards.” She was speaking in a soft, honey voice, and Dean urged himself to focus on her face, and not the way her neck and chest were lightly gleaming from the thin layer of sweat covering them.

“What’s yours?”

Dean Winchester.

But no, that wasn’t his name. Not today at least. If he could just remember what was. And the drinks didn’t exactly make thinking easier.

“Dean Hansley.”

Gloria smiled again.

What a nice smile she had.

"Dean Hansley." She tasted the words, let them burn on her tongue. "That's a nice name."

And then she sat down at the stool next to him, without waiting for him to invite her, and she started talking.

And he talked back with her.

And time went by, and she kept finishing and ordering drinks, that Dean all offered to pay, and she never refused.

By now, the guy in the Hawaiian shirt had been thrown off the karaoke stage, after heavily throwing up into one of the other guest's handbags, halfway through a tedious ballad about life, and love, and its misery.

The only source of music was coming from the colorful jukebox next to the pool board.

A couple drunk-off-their-asses idiots, trying to play billiards, were loudly roaring along to AC/DC’s ‘You shook me all night long’.

♫ ♪ “She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean, she was the best damn woman that I ever seen!” ♫ ♪

Gloria was still sitting next to him, although a bit closer, and she was sipping at her third drink he had bought her tonight.

And damn, that girl had high tolerance.

Dean thought she was amazing.

“That thing with your family sucks, really.” She scrunched up her nose in slight discomfort.

Dean let out a humorless laugh and took a sip of the whiskey he was still stuck with. “Yeah, tell me about it.”

Yes, he had told her about his - family issues. But so what?

It felt nice having someone listening to him for a change. Someone who wasn’t his family, didn’t even know them, and wouldn’t try to disregard his frustration by telling him to ‘put himself in his father’s shoes for once’.

Gloria finished her drink and used the palm of her hand to wipe the sweat off her forehead.

Dean tried his best to not think too much about her knee touching his, her being so close him.

“The air in here is terrible,” she said, heavily emphasizing the last word.

Dean’s attention was turned to her again. He knew she had said something before that, but he hadn’t been able to catch it, too lost in his own mind.

He kind of felt bad for not listening to her.

Dean threw a look around.

“Yeah, it’s getting pretty hot in here,” he agreed, feeling pearls of sweat rolling off the little hairs on his neck.

Gloria looked directly into his eyes, then up his body, down his body, before settling on his eyes again.

She bit the inside of her cheek. Then her lip.

“I mean,” she slowly spoke, “we could continue this conversation somewhere else if you want. Where there’s not so many people and the air doesn’t taste like salt.”

♫ ♪ “You really took me and you shook me all night long! Ooh, you shook me all night long!” ♫ ♪

Hell yeah.

A boyish grin started forming on his face.

“An offer like that - how could I say no?”

༺ ｡ ° ୨❀୧ ° ｡ ༻

Now

“Read it again for me.”

Dean was staring straight ahead onto the road, his gaze hard and jaw clenched.

Sam sighed and opened the newspaper again, for what had to be the seventh time now since they had first found it.

They were both sitting in the Impala, Castiel in the backseat. The angel could have just flipped his wings and flown to the destination they were headed, but he had insisted to take the drive with them, claiming he had “nothing better to do anyway”.

“St. George, Louisiana,” Sam started to read.

“In the night of Wednesday to Thursday, a young man was found dead in his room in Saint George’s Children’s Home. The 17-year-old Roy Kendall hadn’t come out of his room the first half of the day, and when a woman of the working personnel - whose name has been withheld - came to check on him, she discovered his mutilated body draped out on the bed. According to the police, the young man’s rib cage had been compressed with such force that his ribs were broken and had managed to pierce through the young man’s internal organs, which resulted in him slowly bleeding out internally. Authorities are still in the dark about the exact details of the tragedy and the questions of “Why” and, particularly, “How” something like this could even be possible. The head of the Children’s Care Institution …, blah blah blah.”

Sam purposefully drifted off and ended his reading session therefore. He folded the newspaper back together and stuffed it into the Impala’s globe compartment.

“And that’s it, I am not reading this again. Next thing you know, I’m going to dream about squished organs and ribcages.”

He shuddered.

“I just don’t get it, man,” Dean said, ignoring his brother’s complaints, but he didn’t seem to address anyone in particular.

“I mean, I checked everything, Sammy. No demonic omens, no strategic killings, no recent disappearances. That place was all white picket fences and summer barbecues when we- ”

He was quick to cut himself off.

Sam threw his brother a side glance, but decided to not address his slip-up.

“Well, Dean, sometimes monsters just … turn up, you know.” This time Sam turned his head to get a proper look at his older brother.

“Maybe it’s just passing through, or simply moved there from somewhere else. They aren’t exactly tied to a specific place.”

Dean ran his hand over his face and through his hair in distress. “Out of all places, why there?” He muttered in a low tone.

And again, he was more talking to himself than anyone else.

“I don’t understand.” Cas was suddenly talking from the back seat. “What is in this Children’s Home that is of so much importance to you both?”

Dean was quick to answer a “Nothing,” but Castiel didn’t quite believe him.

Sam turned in his seat to face the angel.

“We were working a case near there a while back,” he simply explained.

Cas frowned, still not quite convinced, but he decided to let the topic rest. For now, at least.

“I understand,” he said. “Then it would probably be of benefit for you to stick with your past aliases. Just in case anyone there should recognize you.”

“Yeah. Maybe,” Dean vaguely answered, but he seemed trapped deep in his own thoughts.

༺ ｡ ° ୨❀୧ ° ｡ ༻

Black Hawk, Colorado 2002

“To listen to this voicemail, call-”

A dial tone sounded. The message was a few months old.

“Hey, Dean, it’s uh … it’s Gloria. You know, Gloria Richards, from a few nights ago?” A humorless chuckle was heard on the other end of the line.

“Though, guys like you don’t usually remember their casual one-night hookups. So I’ll cut straight to the chase.” One heavy inhale.

“I’m pregnant. And I know the chances of you wanting anything to do with me are zero to negative six, but I just wanted to-”

“To delete this voicemail, press 2.”

A tone.

“Voicemail deleted.”

“To listen to this voicema-”

The woman on the other end sounded more outraged this time, even though occasional cracks or hiccups in her voice gave away that she had been heavily crying moments before. Maybe still was.

“Hello Dean, it’s me again. You know, I didn’t expect you to jump up high at the news, but ignoring me?” She scoffed. “That’s a different type of low.”

She sniffled. “I’m just calling to tell you I’ve decided to keep the baby. So you can still change your mind, if you-”

“To delete this voicemail, press-” “Voicemail deleted.”

“To listen to th-”

“Hello, Dean. It’s Gloria. Again.”

This time, she seemed calmer, which could be reasoned with the tiredness her voice was radiating.

“I suppose I’m still kind of hoping that you will call me back. Or even pick up.” She sighed.

“I wanted to tell you that she’s perfectly healthy and growing. That’s right. She. Our baby is going to be a-”

“To delete this-” ”Voicemail deleted.”

John Winchester stared at the small phone in his hand and pressed a button.

“You have no more voicemails.”

That moment, Dean came bursting into the motel room, looking around the empty shelves and patting up and down his jacket- and jeans-pockets.

“Hey Dad, do you know where my phone is? I heard it ringing,” Dean asked.

“Yes, just some spam-callers,” John neatly lied. “I took care of it, but I’m gonna put it out of service, just in case.”

Dean looked at him and for a moment, John thought his son would grow suspicious, but he just nodded. “Alright. Thanks, Dad.”

John nodded and Dean left the room with his bag in hand. When he was certain Dean wouldn’t come back, John took the phone apart and crashed the SIM Card on the nightstand with the lamp.

Then he put the pieces in the bin, took his duffel bag and followed his son to the car.

༺ ｡ ° ୨❀୧ ° ｡ ༻

Now

The St. George’s Children’s Home was somewhat of a small castle, kept in a renaissance style.

Around a large courtyard, archways connected four round-towers, which were slightly higher than the rest of the castle. The walls were painted a pale yellow.

Trees grew in the gardens around the castle, flowers in planted beds, and as far as Dean could remember, there was a hedge maze behind the walls, not visible from the gateway.

They had parked the Impala in one of the parking spaces next to the tall, elegant terrain fence.

Sam and Dean were wearing black suits and their fake badges, Castiel - as always - stuck with the trench coat.

Dean was eyeing the building suspiciously.

In fact, he had been doing so for the last three minutes, in which they had all sat in the Impala in complete silence.

Sam threw a quick, concerned glance at his brother before clearing his throat.

“You really wanna do this?”, he asked quietly.

“No,” Dean answered and opened the car door, “But it’s not like we have a choice, right?”

Sam sighed and did the same, not before exchanging a quick, apprehensive look with Castiel, who still didn’t quite know what was going on.

The castle’s inside was considerably more modern than its outside.

With brightly-colored walls and furniture, and minimalistic decorations all over.

It seemed cozy.

They were headed for the office of the youth center’s director, Maria Whitlock. Dean remembered exactly where that was. Down the hall, left. Past a few closed bedroom doors. Last door at the end of the corridor.

Dean cleared his throat and knocked on the door, Sam right behind him. Castiel had left before they had entered the castle, claiming to look for a suitable Motel nearby, and telling them to contact him if they needed his help.

There was a beat of silence before they heard a woman’s voice reply “Yes?” and entered the office.

Maria Whitlock was an elderly woman, with dark red hair that she kept in a low bun. She was around a head smaller than Dean, and wearing a grey blouse combined with a wine red jacket and a black pencil skirt.

When she heard them enter the room, she looked up from a few papers she was filing, and her face immediately fell.

“Hello, Maria.” Sam greeted her.

“Dean and Sam Winchester,” she breathed out, startled.

“I never thought I would see you two again.”

Dean felt a sting in his chest.

“Yeah, well,” Sam said and tried a clumsy smile. A heavy silence followed, and Dean shifted uncomfortably.

Maria frowned. “Not to seem impolite, but what are the two of you doing here?” She asked.

Sam cleared his throat awkwardly.

“We, uhm, we heard about Roy and we thought that, maybe, we should just check if everything was alright and, of course, speak our condolences. You know, for old time’s sake.”

She nodded and closed the pen. “Yes, right. Roy. I completely forgot that they put that in the paper.”

A look of dark grief fell over her face and her gaze drifted into nothingness. She suddenly looked much older than she was.

Dean cleared his throat. “I gave you my number, Maria,” he spoke. “If you would’ve called, we could’ve been here sooner.”

She blinked rapidly, pulling herself out of her thoughts and looked at him for a second before she replied.

“I know, I know, but to be honest - it slipped my mind, in between all of this … chaos and tragedy.”

While she was talking, she got up from her chair and walked around the table, getting a clearer view at Sam and Dean.

“Of course,” Sam hastily said. “No worries. We are very sorry for your loss.”

She gave him a sad smile. “Thank you. That means a lot.”

Dean was glad that it had been Sam who had spoken up. He wasn’t very good at that sort of things. Nor did he aspire to be.

“You said you were here because of Roy’s …. passing,” Maria continued, and the brothers nodded.

“But that would mean that this was some sort of - unnatural incident.”

Sam swallowed hard.

“Well,” he started, trying to find the right words that would not trigger a breakdown for the woman, “we saw the article in the newspaper and thought that we would just have a look at it. The circumstances of Roy’s passing aren’t exactly common for a person his age, after all.”

Or for any person, really.

She nodded lazily. “Yes. I suppose you are right.”

Dean could swear that another minute of awkward silence between them would probably kill him, so he took it upon himself to prevent it before it started.

“I get that this is hard, Maria,” he said, “But if we could maybe ask you some questions? Maybe speak to the person that found him?”

She sniffled.

Oh dear God.

“Yes, yes, of course.” Her voice was a bit higher than before, and her hands grabbed for a handkerchief lying on the table.

“Uhm, the woman who found him was one of my responsible supervisors, Betty Langston. She should be present in the building today, but the last time I spoke to her, she was still pretty shaken up. I mean, who can blame her? I can’t even imagine what it must have been like, seeing that poor boy lying on his bed, just- ”

She broke off and a sob escaped her lips, before she buried her face in the kerchief.

“I’m sorry,” she cried, “I’m sorry, it’s just - he was such a kind boy. He had his whole life ahead of him. And the way that he had to go…”

She raised her head and shook it, eyes reddened and filled with tears.

“I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.”

“We understand, Maria,” Sam spoke in a comforting, low voice.

And Dean added, “And I promise we will find whatever did this and make sure this happens to no one ever again.”

She forced herself to a smile.

“Thank you, boys. May the angels be with you.”

Dean forbid himself a snort.

“Thank you for your time, Maria. We will let you know when we know more,” Sam said and left the office.

He wouldn’t risk making her cry again by bothering her with questions about her dead fosterling.

Dean smiled at Maria and turned to follow his brother, but she stopped him.

“Dean.”

He turned to face her.

“You do know that it won’t be possible for you to investigate here, without … encountering a certain someone.”

Dean straightened his shoulders.

“Yes, I know.”

“Have you thought about it? What you will say to her?”

“Gotta admit, I haven’t.”

She hummed and nodded. Dean noticed that she had resumed her usual upright position, and if he hadn’t just witnessed it, he probably would not know that she had been crying.

“I should warn you,” she said gently, “It probably won’t be easy.”

“I honestly didn’t expect it to be.”

She smiled a gentle smile at him and he returned it, before finally leaving the room and joining his brother in the hallway.

༺ ｡ ° ୨❀୧ ° ｡ ༻

Lewiston, Michigan 2004

The first time he had read it, John Winchester had been drunk. He had spared a quick glance at it after coming home from a bar, before throwing himself onto the motel bed and passing out.

The second time he had read it, he had been sober, but suffering from a skull-splitting headache.

The third time he read it, it was simply to make sure his hungover mind wasn’t making any of this up. But no, the words on the newspaper stayed the same, grinning up at him with a sickening smirk that made his stomach turn.

In the small corner of the left page, where the lesser important news were usually placed, throned the bold-printed, black words:

24-year-old woman dies in tragic car accident, leaves 1-year-old daughter behind

No. God, no.

He read it again. Read the headline, read the article, the name that had been shortened but to him unmistakable: Gloria R.

R. Just like Richards. Gloria Richards.

There was a picture placed right next to the text, held in color, of a young woman that was clearly putting on a smile for the camera.

John slammed the newspaper on the round table.

“Damn it!” He yelled.

And in that moment, John was grateful that Dean had offered to go on a coffee run.

—

He was ‘going on a quick hunt’. That’s what he told Dean.

He was ‘going on a quick hunt and if anyone needed anything, they should contact Dean’. That’s what he told Bobby. And everyone that reached his voicemail.

Cleveland, Ohio. That’s where he was going. He had some business to attend to.

—

Central Nebraska

To say that Ellen Harvelle wasn’t delighted about John Winchester showing up inside the Roadhouse would be quite an understatement.

She was furious.

John paid attention to enter the wooden cabin carefully. He didn’t expect Ellen to be pleased by his sudden presence, especially considering their last encounter with each other.

It was a random Wednesday afternoon, and there wasn’t anyone seated in the Roadhouse, except for Ellen herself, who was busy cleaning the bar with a half-wet kitchen towel.

The brunette woman looked up for a quick second, as a form of formality, before she dedicated her attention back onto the dirty surface.

“I’ll be with you in a secon-” Then she realized. Stopped. Did a double take.

“Winchester.” The word was dripping from her lips with loathing.

“Hello, Ellen,” he started, but she cut him off.

“What do you want?” Her question was blunt and her tone cold and unwelcoming.

John cleared his throat and stepped from one foot to the other. He had to sell his story good, if Ellen wouldn’t get on board with his proposition, he had nobody else to go to.

“Look, Ellen. I get that you’re mad- ”

“Mad?” She let out a short, sour laugh.

“Mad doesn’t even begin to describe what I am feeling towards you, Winchester. Try hatred. Pure disgust.” She scoffed again.

“You must have a death wish, because I couldn’t think of any other possible reason why you would drag your dumbass out here again. ”

John swallowed hard. She was right. Who was he to just show up here again? After what happened?

But there was no turning back now, he had to go through with this.

“You’re right.” He spoke in a low tone to try and seem less intimidating and also attempt to soothe her temper towards him.

“I am sorry about what happened, Ellen. If I could go back and do it any different, then I would.”

A lie. She knew that. He knew that she knew that. Still - she didn’t interrupt, just kept glaring at him, so he decided to continue.

“But unfortunately, I can’t. And I know you have every right and reason to hate me now.”

Agreeing and empathizing with her.

“But there is something extremely important that I need to ask of you.”

Again, he didn’t have much time to talk, before Ellen raised her voice.

“You damned son of a bitch!”, she yelled, tossing the kitchen towel onto the counter with such force, the leftover water splashed around.

“You ain’t got no right walking in here, after what you pulled, and ask a goddamned favor of me!”

Her voice was loud in the silence of the Roadhouse and John lifted his hands up in defense.

“Ellen, please! Listen to me!”, he pleaded. Ellen wasn’t yelling at him anymore, but her jaw was still clenched and her entire body tense.

“I wouldn’t be here if I had any other options. Like you said, I must have a Deathwish to show up here. And I understand that. But you are the only person that I can trust with this. You can toss me out all you want after. You can yell, and scream, and punch me, and shoot at me. Just please, hear me out first. ”

There was silence, where John just stood there, his hands still raised in the air in front of him, and Ellen grinding her teeth as she thought about what to do now.

Because by God, did she hate him. And a part of her wanted to take a rifle and first shoot a bullet into his feet and then his di-

But on the other hand, she could not recall a time that John Winchester had ever gotten himself into a position to beg.

No, he was too proud for that. So whatever he wanted must be goddamn important for him, really.

“Tell me what you need, Winchester,” Ellen said eventually, “And let me decide afterwards.”

Her body language didn’t show one sign of hospitality still, but John interpreted her words as somewhat of a good sign.

Hopefully.

༺ ｡ ° ୨❀୧ ° ｡ ༻

Now

After their talk with Maria, Sam and Dean settled on questioning Betty Langston.

In the middle of the wall in the entrance hall, a big frame with the pictures, names and duties of the working staff was hung up.

Above the name ‘Betty Langston’ was a picture of a friendly looking woman in her mid-twenties, with a pointed nose and blonde strands of hair framing her face.

Underneath, the duties “Social Worker” and “Deputy Manager” were listed.

When they knocked on the door which was labeled “staff”, a young man opened and told them that Betty Langston was currently positioned on the second floor.

Dean wanted to take the elevator, but Sam dragged him up the stairs.

“It will be faster,” he guaranteed, and Dean just rolled his eyes with a groan.

The hallways on the second floor were surprisingly wide, with doors placed across each other in a zig zag pattern.

Here and there were a few paintings on the walls, old and new, and green neon signs pointing toward the emergency exit.

They met Betty after they turned around the first corner. She stood in front of a pinboard and was currently hanging up new posters.

Her hair was different from the picture, slightly longer now ending halfway down her back, and copper colored with only a few blonde highlights.

The brothers made their way over to her and flashed their fake FBI-badges when she let off her work and shifted her attention to them.

“Hello, my name is David Shields, my partner’s name is Jarvis Stark,” introduced Dean. “Are you Betty Langston?”

The young woman gaped at them, slightly caught off guard. “Uhm yes, that’s me,” she eventually got out and lowered her arms. “What can I do for you?”

Dean caught a glimpse of the writing on the poster. It was a few phone numbers, and in dark blue, a text above read: ‘DON’T HESITATE TO ASK FOR HELP!’

“We’re here to ask you about Roy Kendall,” Sam carefully approached, “We understand that you are the one who found him.”

Dean couldn’t help but notice how Betty Langston’s eyes shifted to the floor and she nervously trailed her fingers up and down the paper in her hand.

“Um yes, I … I found him.” Her voice got small and she swallowed hard.

“But what does the FBI want with that? I thought it was a wild animal.”

“Given the unusual occurrence of Roy’s death, we thought it necessary to at least have a look at this case and find out what we can,” Sam said.

“That doesn’t have to mean anything, though,” Dean quickly tried to soothe her when he noticed the tears springing in the woman’s eyes. “Exactly,” Sam hastily agreed. “Only a few questions, just in case.”

Betty nodded and blinked away her tears. “Okay,” she quietly said. Sam reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and pulled out his notebook and a pen.

“Did Roy mention something … I don’t know, unusual before he died?” Sam asked, clicking the pen and bringing his notepad in position. The young woman hesitated.

“Well, not that I know of,” she eventually said, “But, you see, kids at that age … they don’t talk to us adults much anymore. If you want to know something about Roy, you better ask his friends.”

Dean furrowed his eyebrows. “His friends?” He repeated. She nodded. “Mhm.”

“And, uh - who are his friends, if I may ask?” Sam tuned in again. Betty thought for a second and then clicked her tongue. “Well, there’s Cassandra, Cassandra Claire,” she said and started counting the listed names on her fingers. “And, uhm, Finnegan Beckett.” Sam repeated the children’s names under his breath as he quickly wrote them down.

“And Y/N Winchester,” Betty finished.

Sam abruptly stopped writing at the ‘n’ and looked up. He felt Dean visibly tense and shift next to him.

The younger brother just put on a smile and folded the small notepad back into the inner pocket of his jacket. But not before completely writing out the last name on the list.

“Thank you so much, Miss Langston, you helped us a lot. We will let you know if there are any more questions. And, our condolences,” he added.

She shyly smiled back at him and slowly continued gathering thumbtacks to hang up her posters, and the brothers left.

Sam waited until they were out of hearing range, then turned to Dean. “So…that was something,” he carefully started.

“What do you mean?”

Sam threw him a look. “You know what I mean. The witness list. Roy’s friends. That last name…”

Dean sighed heavily. Sam waited for him to say something. And when he didn’t, Sam just shook his head but decided to not stress it any further.

“So, where to now?” He asked instead.

Dean took a look at his watch. “The morgue, I’d say. As far as I know they’re closing soon, and a dead body is not exactly the first thing I need to see in the morning, so-”

Sam nodded in agreement. “Yeah, alright. Sounds good.”

They made their way out of the castle.

“You want to take Castiel?” Sam questioned when he rounded the car.

“No,” Dean decided firmly and opened the driver’s door. “Remember what happened last time? Exactly. I don’t need Cas smelling some dead guy again.”

Sam grinned at the memory. With a creak, the Impala gave in to their weight as they sat down, and the gravel gnashed under her tires when they drove off.

༺ ｡ ° ୨❀୧ ° ｡ ༻

Central Nebraska 2006

Roughly, the dark minivan tuckered over the bumpy earth of the pathetic excuse of a road, and Dean’s insides flinched with every squeak the old car made.

When they finally came to a stop, he tossed the keys somewhere and maybe slammed the door with a bit more force than necessary. A lot more.

“This is humiliating,” he grumbled, as he took in the atrocious excuse of a vehicle they just stepped out of. He missed his Baby.

Sam ignored him, and stepped forward, towards the old wooden – house? Shack? – the mysterious phone number on their dad’s cell had led them to.

The huge letters ROADHOUSE flaunted above them, and Dean thought that these were probably made to light up when the sun disappeared.

The rest of the house looked abandoned, frankly, from the outside, and that, in combination with the four-month-old voicemail, made Dean not like his odds very much. The chances that this Ellen chick was still alive, knowing what his father had needed her for, were slim in his mind.

Or hell, maybe she just called from here, got the phone from some rando, and got on her merry way when she realized John wasn’t calling back. It’s probably what he would’ve done.

Safe to say, Dean didn’t like their odds. Even less so when they entered the eerie quiet of the bar, and spotted a man lying unconscious, probably dead, on the pool table.

Dean felt his shoulders stiffen. He didn’t like this one bit, and every second he spent here made the alarm in his head shrill even louder than before.

Dean only just turned to take a closer look at one of the shelves, when he felt something hard dig into his lower back, and heard an all too familiar clicking sound.

Dean closed his eyes. “Please tell me that is a gun.”

“No, I’m just very happy to see you,” came the fast answer from a very snarking - and female? - voice.

In one swift motion, Dean whirled around, grabbed the barrel, ripped it out of his attacker’s hand, and uncocked it. The bullet fell to the ground with an echoing clatter.

Dean almost smirked triumphantly at the blonde girl in front of him, when he felt a sudden, blinding pain in his face.

And if Dean had thought pulling up in a 30-year-old, barely functional van, of all things was humiliating, he didn’t calculate how it would feel to be absolutely sucker punched by a girl, not even as old as him.

Aside from the obvious nosebleed, his ego took a severe bruise.

“Sam! Little help here!” He called, hand still holding his hurting face.

The door swung open, and Sam walked out, hands raised to his head, a sheepish look on his face. “Sorry Dean,” he said, “I’m a little tied up right now.”

Dean’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline, as he watched another woman with dark brown hair follow his brother close behind, a revolver held to his head in fair warning.

He would be impressed, if his vision wasn’t swimming right now.

The older woman behind Sam furrowed her brows. “Wait, Sam? Dean?” She asked, exchanging looks with kick-ass Blondie in front of him. “Winchester?”

There was a beat, before the brothers pressed out a unison “Yeah?”

“Son of a bitch.”

“Mom, you know these guys?” Dean’s head hurt with how much he was swinging it around to keep up.

“Yeah, I think these are John Winchester’s boys.” And that made Dean perk up.

The woman let out a laugh as she lowered her weapon.

—

A few minutes later, Dean was served with an iced cloth for his nose, and he and Sam seated themselves on a few of the bystanding bar chairs.

The brunette woman, who had threatened Sam, turned out to be the mysterious Ellen, whose voicemail on their dad’s phone they followed here. Jo, her daughter, and also the kick-ass blonde that had held the rifle to Dean’s back, looked about as unknowing about the whole situation as the brothers did.

Turns out Ellen had contacted John about the demon he was hunting. Said she could help him with it. Why John had never mentioned her, or her daughter, she didn’t say. Told them to ask him themselves. Dean didn’t say anything to that.

“So why exactly do we need your help?”, Dean asked, repositioning the cloth on his face.

Ellen scoffed. “Hey, don’t do me any favors. If you don’t want my help, fine.” There was a snarking edge to her voice, and Dean started to realize why his father would associate with her.

“Don’t let the door smack your ass on the way out,” she continued. “But John wouldn’t have sent you, if–“

There it was.

Ellen stood straighter. A haunted look crossed her eyes. “He didn’t send you.” It wasn’t a question.

Dean looked away.

“He’s alright, isn’t he?” Dean hadn’t known Ellen Harvelle for very long, but even he could sense the way her voice wavered. And know that she was a smart enough woman to not truly believe what she was asking.

“No.” Sam cleared his throat, and the simple word echoed through the deafening silence. “No, he’s not. We think the demon did it. Got to him before he got to it.” The thankful feeling of not being the one to have to tell her what happened felt like a sin in Dean’s gut. Then again, what’s one more on his plate.

“I’m sorry,” Ellen said. It’s what everyone said.

“It’s alright. We’re good.”

Ellen didn’t believe him, he saw it in her eyes. But she didn’t bother him more about it, either.

“So, look, if you can help us,” Sam said, and Dean threw him a look that showed just how much he wanted to smack his little brother across the face, “we’d be real happy about all the help we can get.”

Ellen’s lips twisted. “We can’t help you.”

Is this lady for real-

“But he can.”

And then the dead man stood up from the pool table.

—

Ash was a tech freak, with a haircut like Billy Ray Cyrus and the mouth of a southern cowboy. Jo called him a genius. Dean didn’t know what to think of that.

Still, he had passed him their dad’s journal, told him to go nuts, and Ash had drooled over John Winchester’s handiwork like a child over a lollipop.

Ash had left with the journal and the promise of new information in the time of fifty-one hours.

Dean thought that was long enough time to take a drink.

Jo Harvelle was a pretty woman. When she wasn’t threatening him with a rifle or punching him in the face, that was. Her soft, blonde curls fell long over her shoulders, and those jeans did wonders to her curves.

Dean started conversing with her. While he had moved to one of the tables, Sam had stayed with Ellen at the bar. He found out that her father died, a long time ago. In the back of his mind, a mean voice cackled at the irony. He paid his sympathies.

Then, suddenly, one of the doors to the backrooms flew open, and a small whirlwind of colorful fabric and y/h/c hair came dashing into the room.

“Aunty Ellen, Aunty Ellen! Look what I made!”

Dean’s head whipped around at the sound of the high-pitched voice and he spotted a small girl, not older than five years probably, squeezing herself behind the bar table. When he noticed Ellen bowing her head, he figured that the little girl had probably reached her destined spot next to her.

Dean, though he would never admit it, was an easily curious person, so he followed Jo on her way to the bar and leaned slightly over the tablewood to catch a glimpse at the small intruder.

Little Lady was tugging at Ellen’s pantleg, and expectantly holding up a colored paper for her to look at.

“Look at what I drew, Auntie Ellen!” she repeated, in that same excited tone as before, when she had stormed into the room.

Dean watched as Ellen abandoned her washcloth somewhere behind her and crouched down to meet with the little girl eye-to-eye, as she inspected her drawing.

“That’s so amazing, baby, is that us?” The girl nodded, her pigtails wiggling up and down as she bopped her head enthusiastically.

“Yes, that is you, and that is Jo, and that is me. And look, I made my own fingerprint!” She dashed her finger into a spot on the paper, and then proudly held up the red-colored tip to shove it in Ellen’s face.

The woman had a wide, genuine smile on her face. “I can see that, baby, well done, it looks so nice!” She praised. “How about we hang it up there next to the menu?”

The girl nodded her head again, and let Ellen scoop her up gently. Only then, when Little Lady was at height with them, she seemed to notice the strangers standing in the room.

In the matter of a second, Dean saw her whole demeanor shift from bubbly and open, to a more closed off version, sinking further into Ellen’s embrace and clutching the fabrics of her shirt. Something about it made Dean’s heart sting.

“Auntie Ellen?” The girl tried to whisper, but Dean had learned soon that children were terrible whisperers, “Who is that?”

Ellen looked first to Sam, then Dean, and back at the little girl in her arms. “Those are friends of Jo and me, sweetheart. Their names are Sam-“ Dean’s little brother gave a wave and a smile when Ellen introduced him. “-and Dean.”

Dean grinned and carefully stretched his hand out. “Very nice to meet you, Little Lady. Who am I speaking to, may I ask?” He laid a formal accent on his voice, one that he knew had always made Sam laugh when he was a child. It was an olive branch, but something in him hoped she would grab it.

The small giggle that Little Lady let out made Dean’s heart bloom with a warmth he didn’t know he was able to feel.

“My name’s Y/N,” she said. With a pointed look at Dean’s still outstretched hand, Ellen murmured in her ear, “And what do we do when someone gives us their hand to shake?”

Y/N nuzzled her face into the crook of Ellen’s neck, and Dean almost drew his hand back again, when a small warmth settled into his palm and closed around it.

He smiled at the girl and shook her hand. As they both pulled back, Dean twisted his hand around and huffed. “Ouff, someone has got a firm grip! Your Auntie Ellen teach you that?” Y/N grinned proudly at him and nodded her head. Then she held up her hand and showed him four fingers. “I’m already this old!”

Dean gasped. “Really? Well, that is a great age, no wonder you are so strong!”

Y/N was beaming now.

She didn’t hide in Ellen’s neck again.

“So, what about that picture now?” Ellen bounced the girl on her hip once, and it seemed like she was snapped out of a trance. Determinedly, she pointed at a space next to a hung-up blackboard. Dean figured Ellen usually wrote her daily specials on that.

The woman made a few steps over where Y/N had led her and gestured toward an already hung drawing of blue water and grey – fish? – above it, that was already taped to the wall.

“But we already put a picture there. We would have to remove that one if you want your new drawing to hang here.” The girl shrugged, and already reached for a roll of clean tape on the shelf.

“That’s okay, I don’t like dolphins all that much anymore anyway,” she explained nonchalantly. “I will just put it in my drawing box.”

Dean watched as Ellen carefully picked the old drawing from the wall to make space for the new one. He was so caught up in the scenery, he almost didn’t notice how Sam was scooting closer to him.

“You know who she is?” Sam asked. Dean turned his attention to his brother.

“Well, her name’s Y/N,” Dean answered simply. Sam didn’t roll his eyes at him, but it was a close call.

Dean just shrugged. “Guess she isn’t Ellen’s. Otherwise, she wouldn’t call her Auntie.” He pitched the last word high, to mimic the child’s voice.

Sam furrowed his brows as they watched Ellen and the small girl.

“Makes you wonder,” he said, “What she’s doing here.”

Dean just hummed. He made brief eye contact with Y/N, as she stole a look in his direction, but she averted her eyes quickly, as if she had been caught.

Dean found himself slightly smiling.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Sam looking at him. His brother was grinning.

“You love that kid.” It was a statement.

Dean scoffed. “Oh, shut up, I don’t even know her. Also, I love kids, plural.” He added.

Sam nodded, that smile still on his lips. Dean ignored him.

“Come on, ask him. Don’t be shy.” Ellen and Y/N had finished putting up her drawing and were now standing closer to them again. Ellen was still carrying the girl on her hip and had bent down to whisper to her.

Y/N had buried her face in Ellen’s shirt again, clearly shy to say something.

“He ain’t gonna bite you,” Ellen said, nudging her. “Go on.”

Y/N lifted her head, and shyly looked at Dean. Her eyes were flickering all over him, but never exactly to his face.

“Doyouwantodrawwithme?” She spluttered. Dean’s eyebrows shot up.

“Don’t think he understood that. Try a bit slower. You can do this, come on,” Ellen encouraged her.

Y/N clutched her shirt.

“Do you want to draw with me?” She asked, head lowered and looking at her fingers. Her voice was quiet, but to Dean it felt as if she had shouted that sentence.

He felt warm inside. “Of course I want to.”

Y/N’s head shot up, and Dean Winchester had seen many beautiful things in his lifetime, but the gleaming eyes of that small child before him had to be at the top of the list. He never wanted to look at anything else.

Ellen set her down and pointed at a table in the corner of the room.

“Her colors and paper are already set up. Every day, before we officially open,” she explained with a look at Dean, and he nodded. While Sam got comfortable on one of the bar chairs, he made his way over to where Y/N had already set up her coloring tools and begun drawing on a piece of yellow paper.

Her tongue was sticking out of the corner of her mouth in concentration. Dean pulled out a chair and sat down next to her.

“What are you drawing?” He asked, stretching his neck to take a closer look. Y/N leaned back and showed him her creation. Lines of red and yellow. Maybe a tomato? An apple? He turned his head. From that perspective maybe?

“It’s Lighting McQueen!” Y/N told him triumphantly. “I saw cars with Jo.”

Dean nodded. So no apple. He also wasn’t going to point out the girl’s grammar. She was only four after all. And who was he to talk.

“How did you get that?” Y/N suddenly asked, and pointed her small finger at Dean’s forehead, right where a big scar stretched over his skin, consequences of the fatal car accident.

Dean tried his best not to wince. He didn’t need to expose his lingering trauma to this pure soul.

“I was … in an accident,” he said instead. “But I’m okay and it’s almost healed now.”

The girl nodded. Dean was almost astounded at how easy it was with her.

“Whenever I hurt myself, my Auntie Ellen takes me to the Doctor. Or Jo. Or Ash.” Her face scrunches up as she thinks hard. Dean thinks it’s adorable. He finds himself smiling again.

“They always give me colorful plasters! I always get the dinos.” She leans in closer to him when she says the last bit, almost like it’s a secret she only wants him to hear. Dean’s heart warms at the thought, and he doesn’t even know why.

“Really? I’m jealous. I think dinosaurs are amazing.” He used the same hushed tone she had before. Y/N’s eyes widened. “You don’t get dino plasters?” She asked. If Dean hadn’t known better, he would’ve said she was outraged at his confession.

He shook his head. “Nope,” he said, “only boring beige ones.”

Y/N’s eyes widened even more, and her mouth fell open. Then, her lips curved into a beaming smile. “I can give you some of mine! Jo bought me so many the last time she went shopping!”

Before he could even give it a thought, Dean felt her small hand take his, and he was yanked from his seat. Geez, how did a four-year-old kid have so much strength?

His enthusiasm was short-lived, as Sam shouted from the other side of the room.

“Dean, Ellen got us a case!” His little brother was waving around a beige folder, a few newspaper pages hanging out at the sides.

He looked at his brother, then at the girl still clinging her small hand around his fingers.

“Does that mean you have to leave?” Dean’s heart clenched at the quiet, disappointed voice. He crouched down and looked Y/N in the eye.

“Yes,” he said, honestly. “ I have to go to work.”

She tilted her head. “To save people?” She asked. Dean nodded. He didn’t know how she knew, but maybe Ellen told her.

“Yes, exactly. But I will be back soon, and then you can show me your plasters, alright?”

Y/N seemed to think about it, and then nodded her head. Her pigtails were still wiggling up and down. “You promise?” She asked.

Dean nodded. “In fact,” he said, shifted his weight, and held out his pinky finger in front of her. “I pinky promise.”

Y/N grinned up at him. Dean grinned back. She linked her small finger with his.

“Can’t break a pinky promise,” Dean said as he stood up.

She shook her head violently. “Never!”

Dean laughed and waved her Goodbye.

“Let’s go,” he said to Sam as he passed him, and grabbed his jacket.

“Bye, Ellen, Jo.” Sam lowered his voice seriously. “Y/N.”

“Bye, Sam! Bye, Dean!” Y/N waved her hand after them.

“Good luck,” Ellen said. Then they closed the door behind them. The light of the sun was a heavy contrast to the dusky air inside the Roadhouse, and Dean’s eyes needed a while to adjust to the change.

He made his way over to the abomination car, Sam close next to him. His brother bumped his shoulder.

“Plural, huh?” Sam asked, smirking.

And if Dean sped the van up a bit faster, just to give his little brother a good scare now and then, well, that was between him and the Lord above.

[hush-writes-preg]

I watch the harbor every night from my bedroom window. A better partner would be familiar with the look of his boyfriend’s ship by now, but I’m more of a fucktoy than a partner. It’s no surprise that after years of playful sex- often over alcohol- my belly started to swell. The only problem is that my boyfriend is rarely around. His captain only brings the crew to my town once every couple months. At least, that’s how it’s supposed to be.

I haven’t seen him since he knocked me up.

Maybe that’s intentional. Maybe he knew he slipped, and he chose not to come back, afraid of facing his perceived mistake. Perhaps he figured I wouldn’t find him if he did come back, since I can’t even recognize his ship.

Or maybe he hasn’t been able to come back. I worry endlessly that something happened to him, or to his captain, and he may never show up in town again. My hope is that he will.

But I don’t have time to wait around for him anymore. I don’t have time to stare at the harbor from a distant hill and wonder if any figure in the crowd is him. His baby is coming now.

Wordcount: 911

Themes: Birth, unassisted birth

You can see the lights from the town below as you watch the docks in vain. You hear the faint sounds of a bustling city at night and the wind whipping across the water to rattle the windows of your tiny apartment. The old tenement isn't much, but it is cheap, and at least your linens are clean. 

And nobody pays any mind to the young person with their illegitimate pregnancy here. 

Another cramp ripples through your belly, large, tight, and round beneath your tunic. You groan and clutch at the windowsill as you try to breathe through the pain. Your legs feel weak, and your water is dripping down the insides of your thighs, already bare since you had the forethought to lose your trousers early on.

"Gods," you sigh, and try to walk yourself to the bed.

Your contractions are getting closer together. They're stronger, too, and each one leaves you gasping for breath. It won't be long now.

You've almost reached the foot of your bed when another one hits. It's so sudden and so intense that your knees give out, sending you crumpling to the floor. You land on all fours, barely preventing your belly from being crushed under your weight.

Your head feels light. You pant heavily and try to focus on something other than the pain. You smell the salty breeze and hear the waves crashing in the distance. The floorboards beneath your knees are old and rough. Candlelight flickers wildly over the paneled walls, casting deep, dark shadows in the corners of the room.

When the next contraction comes, you cry out. You can't hold it back. You're too overwhelmed. It feels like your whole body is contracting, like there's an iron fist squeezing around your abdomen.

"Gods, gods," you chant, "please, please..."

You have no idea what you're asking for. You want to be strong enough to bear it, you suppose. You want your labor to end.

You can't get back up. All you can do is brace yourself against the bed and wait for the next contraction. You try to count the minutes between them, but your head is getting foggier and you're having trouble remembering the number you've counted up to.

The next wave is worse than the others. It rips a scream from you, and another gush of fluid spills from between your legs. It makes a puddle beneath you and runs down the backs of your legs.

"Oh," you groan, "oh hells..."

You can feel the baby now. You can feel it moving lower in your body, the pressure in your pelvis building.

"Gods," you whimper. You can't think. All you can do is feel the sensations of the baby making its way down, your body forcing it from the only home it's ever known since the night your lover planted it within you.

"It's coming," you whimper to the empty room, "it's coming now."

Where was your lover? Why did you have to endure this alone?

You reach between your legs and feel the opening where the head has begun to spread you open, stretching you wider than you've ever been stretched before. 

"Ow, ow, ow," you moan, "please...!"

You don't know who you're begging. The gods? Your lover? The baby? 

"Please," you beg, "please, let me have it..."

The head moves further down, aching and burning as your body strains to let it pass. It's almost too much to bear, but you keep breathing through it even after the contraction is over. 

Another gush of fluid runs down your legs. You reach behind you, between your thighs, and feel the baby's hair.

"It's coming," you sob, "it's coming, it's coming, oh, gods..."

You're shaking and sweating. Your belly trembles, still pressed against the floor.

"It's coming," you wail.

There's no way your neighbors don't hear you right now, but your labor isn't their concern. You're on your own.

The baby's head is crowning. The skin around your entrance pulls tight as the baby stretches you further, until you feel as though you're going to split in two. You push, and you can feel the head beginning to emerge.

You're almost there. It's stretching you so wide. You can't believe it's going to fit.

"Come on, come on, come on," you chant, like a desperate spell. It's got to keep going. It just has to. 

The baby's head slides free. It rests in the space between your legs, and the shoulders begin to follow.

"Almost there," you whimper, spreading your knees wider in an attempt to open your pelvis, "almost there..."

You grit your teeth and bear down as hard as you can.

The shoulders pop free. The rest of the baby slides out with a wet squelch, and you reach back just in time to catch it as it tumbles free of your body.

"Oh, gods," you breathe, tears welling in your eyes.

It's a boy. He's bloody and slimy, but he's alive, and he's crying. 

You did it.

"It's okay," you soothe him, "you're okay."

You hold him close, cradling him against your chest as you finally turn and slump against the floor. His heartbeat is fast and strong.

"It's okay," you promise him, "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

The baby's cries subside. His tiny fingers curl into fists.

"You're perfect," you tell him, "you're so beautiful."

Your son.

Your little boy.

He looks just like his missing father, and you can't help but weep.

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[armoricaroyalty]

Freddy and Emily's engagement interview

212 comments

👼🏻 PrettyInPink: The very definition of poise and class! Emily is such a breath of fresh air. 👍 363 🪦 DressedInDark: parasites 👍 301 👑 Agnes Crumblebottom: May the Saints bless Her Majesty Queen Elise. Of the Armoricans and Her Royal Highness Crown Princess Rosalind. I pray every Day for our royal family! Amen! 👍 154 👼🏻 PrettyInPink: @ 🪦 DressedInDark Why are you watching videos about the royal family if you don't like them! 👍 267 🪦 DressedInDark: @ 👼🏻 PrettyInPink lmao can't handle criticism of your emotional support parasites 👍 103 👪 Mom of Three: I was always Team Freddy everyone else in my year was a Jacques girl 👍 78 👼🏻 PrettyInPink: @ 🪦 DressedInDark Parasites by definition harm their host, but the Armorican royal family contribute more annually to the economy than they receive each year from the Royal Grant. 👍 11 🪦 DressedInDark: parasite parasite parasite parasite 👍 7

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author's note: about six months ago, I solicited audience questions for their engagement interview and I am only just now using them RIP. The interview is below the cut xoxoxo

Q. The first question is for Prince Frederick, from @whitmoretroyals. How did you propose?

FREDERICK. I went into it without a plan, if you can believe that. [laughs] I had just spoken to my father, and I had the ring burning a hole in my pocket. Maybe I should have planned the whole thing out better, but I just found her and knelt down and…

EMILY. He came right out with it.

F. I did.

E. He did! He just said “I love you, I can’t live without you. Marry me?” No romantic speeches for me! [laughs] But that’s just not his style.

Q. How did you realize she was the one?

F. I don’t think there was a single moment. We were quite serious about one another from the beginning. Just from the very start, it was clear that this relationship was different—that she was different—from anything I’d ever experienced.

Q. Different how?

F. Different in every way! [ laughs ] More thoughtful, more sophisticated…most relationships I’ve had, it started out just fooling around, just having fun, and then months in, it was like, “who are we, what are we doing?” So right away, it was different with Emily because we both knew that we wanted something more than that.

E. We were quite committed from the outset. I think that frightened him a little. Early on, I remember him saying, “if this isn’t what you really want, you don’t have to go through with this,” and I was surprised like, “why wouldn’t I want this? I care about you.”

F. I was worried about the press. It can be a lot to handle, no offense.  [ laughs ] But she’s brilliant, an absolute natural. That’s really been the best part of all of this, seeing the whole world fall in love with her just like I did.

Q. Lady Emily, as you prepare to join the royal family, how do you envision using your position to make a positive impact or support causes close to your heart?

E. Being a member of the royal family is, of course, a tremendous responsibility. I think we’re all aware of how much work, how much real work, the royal family does for the people of Armorica. I’m very eager to join the family and to be part of all that, and to contribute in whatever small way I can.

F. She already does a lot, for the royal family and for me. She’s really supported my work with the arts. The work we did in Uspana, the museum exhibit, wouldn’t have been possible without her, for example. That’s why it felt like the right moment to announce our engagement and to celebrate it at the opening, because it had really become such a shared thing, such a reflection of who we are, as a couple.

Q. You’re quite fortunate to work so closely together, but of course, work isn’t everything. @crownsofesha asked, what you do together for fun?

F. Right now? We plan weddings. [ laughs ]

E. [ laughs ] It’s taking up a lot of our time, that’s for sure.

F. We’re both very excited for it, of course. We’re really looking forward to having everyone come together to celebrate with us, and we want to make sure that it’s something very special.

E. It’s important for both of us to incorporate a lot of our families’ traditions, but of course our families have very different traditions! And with it being a royal wedding, we have to make things very proper. So we’ve been working closely with Her Majesty and with my own parents to make sure that we have a chance to incorporate all of these different elements and little things that are so important to both of us and to our families.

F. It’s going to be really amazing. I can’t wait until September.

Q. Do you have any plans to start a family together? This one is from @thewoodslegacy

E. Well…

F. We’re still working on the wedding. [ laughs ] One thing at a time!

E. Of course we’d like to, someday.

F. Someday. Yeah. Obviously, we’d both like to be parents. And it’s kind of required, for a royal. [ laughs ] I know my parents are really eager for more grandchildren. [ to Emily ] What about it? Should we give Hugo a cousin?

E. Frederick!

F. She’s going to be an incredible mother, of course. She is incredible at everything she does.

E. [ softer ] Frederick...

Q. @rebouks asks: Where do you see yourselves in five years? Ten?

F. Well, I want to be a father. That’s been established. [ laughs ]

E. It’s a little hard to answer. My life is going to change so much that I think it's quite hard, in some ways, to think ahead. He's been amazing at getting me up to speed, and it's helpful to have a...

F. A shared background?

E. Right, we have sort of a...a shared pool of references. When you have a lot in common, that makes things easier. [ laughs ] But in five years, I want to be established and confident in my role, whatever that ends up being. [ softer ] I'd like to have a child.

F. I think for me, my goal is to just keep expanding the work we do. There are a lot of causes I’m passionate about, and I think that I can do a lot to kind of bring more attention to them. I want to raise awareness, and I want to do more in service to the Crown.

E. Of course. Like I said earlier, service is a big part of it for me, as well. [ pause ] I think we do that very well together.

F. We do. I guess that’s my real answer. In 10 years, I see myself with her.

[13as07]

Hanahaki Disease

(Shino Aburame)

[Art work is not mine! Credit to imoimo00000]

Requested by: Myself

Word Count: 3,878

Warnings and/or Pre-Notes:

“Hanahaki Disease is a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear.”

Mentions of Mental Illness (Depression, Anxiety and Bipolar Disorders)

———————————————————————

     My eyes trail after Shino who's slipping out the door. Today is another day of him leaving without giving me my goodbye kiss. Not that anyone is counting, because I'm not counting. Who cares if Shino has forgotten to kiss me goodbye every day this month? Who cares if he's started month two of the forgotten kiss? Not me.

He's a very busy man. He's one of the teachers at the Academy, he has a lot of clan matters to attend to, not to mention he's started his training to take over as chief for his dad. So who cares if he doesn't remember to kiss me, even if it's only five seconds of his day?

It would be selfish of me if I threw a hissy fit over something so small. Shino is mentoring the next generation of Shinobis. Shino is taking care of his people and their needs. Shino is starting his path to take over the clan. His father is almost sixty, eventually, he's going to want to retire. It would be self-centered of me to start a fight because Shino is too busy taking care of the community.

     Besides, when Shino has free time he'll spend it with me. Who cares if it's been weeks since we've been on a date? Who cares if it's been a couple of months since we've been physically? Who cares that the only time I see him anymore is five minutes in the morning and the occasional nights that he wakes me up sneaking into bed? Not me, that's who.

     I knew what I was signing up for. He lives a busy life and so do I. That's the life of a Shinobi, I shouldn't be surprised we don't have a lot of time together. Shino is a pillar of our community. I know that.

But it only takes five seconds. A peck and then he can leave. Not to mention he's done it for years. Why isn't he doing it anymore? Has he forgotten? Or has he been choosing not to kiss me? There's no way Shino has forgotten, he never forgets anything, so it has to be a willing choice right? Why doesn't he want to kiss me anymore? Have we lost our spark? Is Shino over our relationship? Does he see me as another task instead of his partner? Is that why he isn't kissing me? Or maybe he just doesn't -

The thought gets cut off by a pain in my chest. My hand shoots up, rubbing my chest to try and work out the pain. Instead of working out the nest of aches, my rubbing brews a cough.

The sound of my lungs trying to loosen the pain ripples through my rib cage, making the empty apartment echo with the sound. The more I cough the more pain flutters through my chest.

My eyes snap closed as another string of coughs rips from my chest. Tears prickle my eyes as my lungs pound against my ribs.

As the third round of coughing starts, something in my chest shifts. As I cough, the loosening feelings continue, something smooth shooting out every time another wheeze is forced from my lungs. It hurts every time a chunk of whatever flies out, leaving behind a burning feeling in my lungs. Like a new scab wound is being ripped into my airway.

By the time I'm done coughing, my throat feels raw and my chest feels like it's on fire. I tip my head backward, resting it on the chair I've been sitting on. My breath is shaky and uneven as I try to catch it, the oxygen rolling over the imaginary wounds as I suck it in. It feels like licks of fire running down my throat.

After a few deep breaths, the pain has subsided and my breathing is back in check. Maybe I'm getting sick. I should ask Shino about it, he's a medicine expert courtesy of his clan.

A threat of another cough fit bubbles in my chest, making me clear my throat in hopes of forcing it down.

When I successfully manage to avoid another round of wheezing, I lift my head back up, snapping my eyes open so I can start my day. As my eyes open, I'm met with a small pile of petals littered across the kitchen table and the floor underneath it.

     The petals are wide and curved at the end. The soft yellow of them is dotted with speckles of blood, making my nerves tingle. Those weren't there before I coughed but there's no way... I did not cough up flower petals. That's impossible... It's not... It's not the Hanahaki Disease.

     Shino loves me, I know he loves me. Right? So what if he's been a little busy? So what if we haven't had much time together recently... any time together recently? He's just a little busy. I know Shino loves me, he loves me... Right?

                      ———————————

     I can feel another petal trying to wheeze its way out as I walk up the stairs back home. Sakura's words roll around my head as I climb the steps to my front door.

     "It's a mental state of mind in a physical form. The personification of your thoughts. Go home and stop stressing about Shino so much and it should fix itself."

     Sakura's words were meant in good light but at the moment it doesn't seem like that, or feel like that since I'm winded from climbing a flight of stairs. Another round of coughing is threatened in my lungs, the feeling of the ignored cough slamming against my rib cage as I refuse to give in.

     My hand shakes as I dig my keys out of my pocket and struggle to get the door unlocked and opened. When I finally do manage to get the door open, I leave it swung wide and dash towards the trash. My head hangs in it, hands on my knees as I cough into the can.

     The growing familiarity of petals being ripped from my lungs fills my chest, the yellow lilies coated in my blood spilling into the trash as I cough them up.

     By the time a flower or two is released, the fluttering of my lungs settles, leaving me to catch my breath again. My eyes scan the trash, the tears now coating my sights making it a little difficult to make out the proof of my disease.

     Shino loves me. He loves me. I know he loves me... or do I? If I knew he loved me I wouldn't be in this situation.

     "Stop stressing about Shino so much."

     Sakura's voice rings in my head again, helping me calm my breathing down.  My eyes scan over the petals once more before I climb to my feet. I'll take a nap, that should help. No coughing, no Shino, no worrying about his love for me or lack thereof recently. It's just a bump in the road, just my anxiety getting the better of me. I'll beat this disease in no time because Shino loves me... unless he doesn't...

                       ———————————

     Panic is not real, it is an imaginary emotion, and it's nothing more than an adrenaline rush. My shallow breath is nothing but adrenaline. The ringing in my ears is adrenaline. It's not even adrenaline, it is the sound of my blood moving quicker because my breaths are moving quicker because my adrenaline has been heightened by Sakura.

By Sakura who stopped by the school on her lunch break. Who 'accidentally' left my Bumble Bee's papers from her visit to the hospital today. Who doesn't understand the meaning of Doctor-Patient Confidentiality. Who took the risk of getting fired to tell me I've been neglecting my Bumble Bee so much that flowers are growing in her lungs because I am lacking as a romantic partner.

I'm well versed in the knowledge of the Hanahaki Disease. After all, one in five people will experience it during their lifetime. The chances of someone I know having the disease or getting it is quite high.

Not to mention being from a medical clan means I should be well versed in top diseases and disorders. I know the symptoms, I know the signs. I would have seen them. I would have noticed.

I pay very close attention to my Bumble Bee's health, especially when it comes to the Hanahaki disease. People suffering from depression, anxiety, bipolar disorders, or a mix of them are more likely to get it, and my Bumble Bee falls into that category. I would have noticed.

I know I've been busy but I still see her for... for a few minutes every morning and... and when I get home before midnight... which happens... once a week if I'm lucky...

My heart rate increases at the thought. Maybe I wouldn't have noticed. No, no I would have. I... I would have.

Panic - no, panic isn't real. It's just unchecked adrenaline. My adrenaline is in check, I am in control of it. But the front door being wide open with Bumble Bee's keys still hanging in the lock makes it very difficult to keep my adrenaline in check. The trash bag full of lily petals and her blood doesn't either.

"Bumble Bee?" I call, scanning for any signs that something happened. I can never be too sure that it's not a trap. "Bumble?" I call again, making slow steps toward our open bedroom door.

My adrenaline drops at the sight of her in bed. She looks pink, probably a fever forming from her body trying to respond to the flowers blooming in her chest. Her breaths are raspy, oxygen struggling to fill her lungs because of the lilies. More petals float around the room, littering our bedding and the carpet.

It would have been a pretty sight if it wasn't for the blood droplets decorating the yellow flowers. It's fitting, the yellowing of the petals. It's almost a bumblebee yellow. Bumblebee yellow for my Bumble Bee.

                         ———————————

     The feeling of arms wrapping around me stirs my sleep, panic quickly taking over me. "Calm down, Bumble Bee," Shino's smooth voice fills my ears, easing the fear that was growing. "It's just me."

     I'm calm for a second or two before a cough brews in my chest, threatening to give way to my developing illness.

     I snap my eyes open, quickly scanning for any petals that might have slipped out as I slept. None fall into view, chilling my nerves again. The last thing Shino needs is to be stressing and worrying about me. Besides, Sakura said it should fix itself if I stop worrying. It's all mental.

     My eyes flicker to the clock, four eleven. "You're home early," I mumble, trying to stay still in Shino's hold. Maybe he forgot about his after-work plans, though I'm not complaining. I'll take any extra time I can get, even if it's only long enough for his forgetfulness to clear up.

     "I know," he answers, crawling into bed. Shino shifts around moving me across the bed as he settles next to me. "I don't feel the best. I am going to take a nap," he mutters, arms tucked around me again to further crush me into his chest.

     Shino's fingertips ghost over my back, crawling across my shirt in different patterns. Soon his head dips down, nose shifting my hair out of the way. The material of his sunglasses rubs against my throat as he buries his head into my neck. He must feel really sick if he didn't take the time to change out of his day clothes before crawling into bed.

     "Do you want me to make you some soup? It'll help you feel better," I ask, going to sit up to climb out of bed. Shino doesn't have time to be sick.

     "No," He answers shortly, tightening his hold on me to pull me back down on the bed before I have the chance to get up. "It's nothing more than a fever. It'll go away after some rest. Rest with me, Bumble Bee."

"Alright," I mumble, curling back up on the mattress. I cuddle against him again, resting my head on his chest as his arms tie themselves around me.

                         ———————————

I can feel the cough brewing in my chest as my eyes flutter open. It's difficult trying to fight the cough down. If I was sure Shino wasn’t still home I’d let it out.

     My chest aches as I roll out of bed, my worries about Shino being sick and not loving me taking its toll on my body. As if my thoughts could talk, the bedroom door creaks open said bug boy poking his head into the room. "Good morning, Bumble Bee."

     "Good morning," I call back, attempting to clear my throat to further push down the cough fit threatening to happen. "You're not even dressed," I point out, eyes jumping from the clock to Shino who's still in his bedclothes. "You're going to be late."

     "One of my coworkers is covering the first hour of my day."

     "Why?" I ask, ducking into the bathroom as the need to cough continues to grow.

     "I did not set my alarm so I woke up late. When I called to let them know they said to take as much time as I need," Shino answers, his voice muffled by the doors and space between us.

     "Well I'm sorry your morning started rough," I call back, raising my voice to make sure he can hear me. The louder volume forces a round of coughs out of me, pain ripping through me as petals flutter out.

     A second, third, and fourth coughing fits fill the bathroom before Shino knocks on the door. "Are you alright, Bumble?"

     I grip the sink, resting my weight against it as I try to catch my breath. "Ya... I'm... I'm alright, Shino," I answer, watery eyes scanning the small room. Three dozen or so petals litter the tiled floor, the before dots of blood now small pools coating the colorfulness.

     "Well alright. Are you ready for breakfast?" He asks, softly knocking on the door.

     "Yes, I'll be out in a second," I tell him, bending down and starting to collect the lilies. My lungs scream in pain as air filters through them, being hunched over to clean up my mess not helping.

Once the mess is cleaned up, petals thrown out and my blood splatters wiped up, I make my way out to the kitchen. The soft sizzling of the stove fills the space, the smell of bacon fighting for space as well. "Shino?"

"Bumble Bee?" He calls back, turning towards me. I swear some of the pain in my chest melts away when he looks at me, eyes uncovered and almost shiny as he takes me in. "I'm making you bacon and eggs. I hope that's alright."

"That's more than alright," I say, sliding over to stand next to him. "But you don't have to. I know you have a busy day, I can finish making myself breakfast."

"I'll finish making your breakfast," Shino mumbles, shifting away so I can't take the spatula from him. "Go sit down."

Reluctantly, I do as I'm told, sliding into a chair at the table. I settle my arms on the table, resting my head on them as I watch Shino cook. The worry of making his day worse swirls around my head, though it melts away when he turns towards me, a soft smile crawling on his face when his eyes meet mine.

It only takes a few more minutes for Shino to finish my breakfast. My plate is set on the table, the man leaning over me to set it down. "Your breakfast, Bumble," he mutters, hands resting on my shoulders as a kiss is pressed into my cheek. "I am going to get dressed, enjoy your food," he adds, kissing my other cheek before he leaves me in the kitchen.

     My eyes flutter over my plate, scanning over the food that has waves of heat rolling off of them. I feel a bit guilty about my disease. How could I believe Shino doesn't love me when he does things like this for me?

     Because this is the first time in almost two months he's paid any attention to me. Because yesterday was the first time in too long that he's been home right after work. Because now that he's feeling better I won't see much of him let alone have any of his attention.

     Another coughing fit rams against my lungs, threatening to spill out as I pick up my fork. I need to keep my thoughts in check, they're only making my illness worse.

     "Stop stressing about Shino so much."

     Sakura's voice rings in my head as a cough wheezes out. My eyes trail after the yellow petal that spills free, watching it slowly float down to the table, settling next to the plate of food Shino made for me. Of course Shino loves me. He just has a lot of things on his plate right now. He loves me... I think.

                         ———————————

My breathing sounds more like hissing as I lean against the Academy wall. Another three dozen or so petals are tangled at my feet, staining the road in the small pools of my blood.

Sakura gave me a doctor’s note to turn in so I could have some time off. A Shinobi that’s coughing up flowers and blood isn’t exactly useful. Hence, me being at the Academy.

I take a couple more swallow breaths, trying not to tempt another coughing attack to form. Once my breathing is settled for the hundredth time today, I push myself off the wall and head inside.

It’s a quick walk to the mission center, but it’s still a peaceful one. The sound of children, teachers, and classrooms buzzing filling the space there. At least until a door slams open.

A blonde boy with bright blue eyes stares at me. Whiskers are stamped into his face as well. Naruto couldn’t deny the kid as his if he tried. “Hello, Lady. Sensei wants you.”

“What?” I ask, taking a peak into the classroom. Shino is standing in front of the desk, glancing at the two of us now and again as he rambles on with his lesson.

“My Sensei wants you. Shino-Sensei. That guy,” the boy says, repeatedly pointing at Shino. “Aren’t you his girlfriend or whatever? You should know who he is. Unless it’s not true. Sensei?!” The boy leaves the door wide open, storming back in as he confronts his teacher about ‘lying’ to him about our relationship.

I slide into the room after the boy, a smile crawling on my face as I watch Shino defend himself in the verbal warfare Naruto’s son is throwing at him. Chocho - the chief’s granddaughter - is waving her hand like crazy at me, trying to catch my attention.

I wave back at her, getting a head tilt towards her teacher and childish kissy faces shot my way. My smile grows as I shift my shoulders up, playing into the clan’s princess’s game. Her nose scrunches up as she pretends to get sick, making me giggle silently. The quiet giggles make my lungs ache, a coughing fit trying to shove its way out of my mouth.

“Please go sit back down Boruto,” Shino grumbles, ducking behind his desk.

“But Sensei! You said anyone that spotted your girlfriend could get a piece of candy!” Naruto’s son - who he totally in character named after himself - whines, staying put in front of Shino’s desk.

Shino sighs, a piece of candy being tossed to the Hokage’s son before his head pops back over his desk. “So you have your kids playing look out today?” I tease, for once pain not bubbling in my chest. It makes me giddy knowing he talks about me to his students.

More giddiness only grows as Shino climbs back to his feet, a vase full of orchids in tow along with a sleek black box. “You didn’t take any missions yesterday so I assumed you would be around today,” he mumbles, walking towards me before leaning the flowers out towards me. “When you stopped in today I wanted to make sure I saw you. I don’t want the children ruining your flowers before I get home.”

His words come out monotone as ever but still manage to make my breathing seem easier. “Thanks, Shino, I appreciate the gestures,” I answer, taking the cooled vase from him. “I’ll let you get back to class. I’ll see you in the morning?”

“You’ll see me tonight.”

“But you told your dad - ”

“I will see you tonight,” Shino cuts me off, handing me the box before softly patting my head. His glasses settle their focus on my face, the dark lens making it impossible to figure out the exact spot they’re focused on. “My father can wait. I want to be with you tonight.” His fingers coast through my hair before a soft pat is placed against my cheek. A soft smile is sent my way before he turns on his heels, Sensei Shino back in control.

I blink a few times, my sights on the purple flowers poking out of the white vase. When my senses filter back in, I wave a quick goodbye to Chocho before leaving the room.

My walk is slower this time, making sure not to spill any water onto the mystery box as I head towards the mission center again.

                         ———————————

My eyes fall down the mirror again, taking in the sundress I’ve put on. The flowy material is what Shino put into the mystery box. The dress is yellow, not my favorite but it fits with the nickname he has given me through our years together.

I figured with the fancy dress and the free time I have, I should try to look nice when he gets home, hence the done hair and light makeup.

“You are perfect,” Shino’s voice fills the room, startling me at the suddenness.

“Thank you.”

“You are beautiful,” he continues, his frame falling into view in the mirror. Shino’s glasses rest on top of his head, giving me the sight of his eyes that are jumping around my body. “We should go to dinner.”

“We should?”

Shino hums a yes, arms settling on my hips and tugging me backward so I’m pressed against him. “You look gorgeous. My partner is gorgeous. It would be a waste not enjoying your beauty,” he mutters, brushing kisses across my neck as his eyes continue to jump over the view of me in the mirror.

“You look lovely. You are exquisite. You are my everything,” Shino continues to drown me in whispered compliments, lips brushing across my jaw now. His hands rub soft circles against my stomach, his fingers nimble as they crawl across my dress. “My everything,” he repeats, nuzzling his nose into my hair.

I let myself relax against him, soaking in Shino’s undivided attention. As he toys with the hem of my dress, a thought filters into my head. I haven’t coughed up any petals since I visited the academy.

[csny]

not to be messy but how do you feel about people stealing other peoples viral posts on tumblr and reposting it on twitter like it’s theirs. (she’s on here by guttergirl-444) & she has stolen many more lol

at first glance it’s like shock and amazement more than anything because i never thought this would happen to me, but when i actually stop to think about it, it actually is very frustrating and invasive. i know it happens all the time and i can’t really stop it, plus my posts have no copyright or anything but it is true, when i make posts that aren’t haha funny laugh a lot play a lot, they kind of are little extensions of my artwork. like drafts and ideas that often get elaborated on if they seem to connect with people.

i don’t really want to dunk on other artists because it feels mean spirited, but i just want to point out this one instance that shows how writing anything on tumblr is “just a tumblr post” and people often don’t consider that there’s a person behind it. it’s almost like a popular tumblr post becomes fair use. This artist here took my words directly from my post (and even used the same iconography of a beach??) and when you click on the link in the description, it takes you to their instagram account with 142k followers. not even a single nod to me, who wrote the actual words. as an extra little punch, they call themself a poet in their bio.

sure my post was a bottom text top text “meme image” but there was a lot behind it—in both thought and time. the exact same ideas and photos made their way into a book i made just a couple months later. i think i sold umm one copy?

all in all, im not complaining about lacking “popularity” because that’s utterly stupid. but there’s something moderately soul-crushing about making a tumblr post and having it ripped to shreds by all walks of life online. It literally feels like i’ve placed something beautiful in the world out of my own kindness, then walked away, and when i come back everyone has defaced and damaged and killed it. it’s kind of invasive but I know it’s the way things go.

i love the anonymity of tumblr but sometimes I wish it we were all a little more open. Maybe people could remember that behind every blog is another person with ideas, cares, opinions, annoyances, and loves. I’m sure this one twitter account isn’t really doing much damage—honestly I haven’t even gone to look at it to see how people are replying—but it’s rough out there on this beautiful social media we call tumblrposts.

[crazychaoticizzy]

TRACK 1: Pilot/Heart Attack

Heart Attack: the greatest rock band in history. Decades after the nasty breakup that followed their final performance in Dodger Stadium, Los Angeles, the six band members finally agree to separate interviews that reveal how they came together and their rise to fame.

And what led to their sudden downfall.

EREN X READER X JEAN

CONTENT: multipart fic, rock band au, love triangle, slow burn, angst

WORD COUNT: 1.1k

Series Masterlist

AOT Masterlist

DODGER STADIUM, LOS ANGELES After their highly anticipated performance at Dodger Stadium, Los Angeles, Jean Kirschtein tore off the neck of his bass on stage and ripped a hole in the drums. After announcing his resignation from the famous band, Heart Attack, Eren Jäger punched him.

Following Jean Kirschtein's resignation, Heart Attack fell apart. The performance in Dodger Stadium was their last, and the six band members have not been seen together since.

This biography is made up of a series of interviews compiled over the years by Olivia Russo. This is the first time the band and others involved have spoken on their scandals since they broke up.

JEAN KIRSTEIN, bassist for Heart Attack: Just sit here?  Alright. Yeah, of course. Sure you don’t want anything to drink? Okay. [smiling] Hi.

EREN JÄGER, main male vocalist for Heart Attack: We’re gonna make this quick, ‘kay? I don’t wanna talk about this shit. Ask your questions, get a snack or something, and leave.

ARMIN ARLERT, guitarist for Heart Attack: Do I look okay? I dunno, I just feel nervous, I guess. I haven’t really talked about this in years, especially on camera.

SASHA BRAUS, keyboardist for Heart Attack: Oh, I’m so excited for this. Did my hair curl weird? No? Okay. What do you want me to do? Introduce myself? I don’t know, everything’s changed so much since the last time I did a one on one interview like this. Hi, my name is Sasha Braus. I was the former keyboardist and supporting female vocalist for Heart Attack.

CONNIE SPRINGER, drummer for Heart Attack: Ready, kid? You’re in for a ride. I hope you brought snack or something to hold you by, this is a long story.

MIKASA ACKERMAN, photographer and costume designer for Heart Attack: This is for a documentary, right? Or a novel? Oh, okay. Either way, I’ll try to remember everything as best I can.

Y/N L/N, main female vocalist for Heart Attack: Hey. Yeah, of course. Mess with whatever. Maybe you can hide the circles under my eyes. [laughs]

What did you think of Heart Attack?

MIKASA: Well, it was Eren’s dream, so I just kind of went with it. It was fun, though. I really liked everyone we worked with. Most of them were really nice.

EREN: We were on top of the fucking world. The biggest band of the century. Everyone knew our name and we were making millions. I don’t know why Jean wanted to throw that shit away.

JEAN: You want honesty? I fucking hated it. Every single second.

CONNIE: Ooo, getting into the deep shit already? Well, I personally thought it was so fun. More so after we got famous, but it was great even back when we were just teenagers in Mrs. Yeager’s basement.

ARMIN: I kind of felt… indifferent? I mean, yeah I liked it. I was spending time with my best friends. But I would have preferred something quieter, maybe? Something that didn’t have us at each other’s throats all the time, at least.

SASHA: Well, it was definitely stressful. God, especially when I was pregnant. I was so worried about what we were going to do then. I mean, I couldn’t be up on stage at almost nine months. Are you crazy? But then for half of our songs the keyboard is a really big part so it’s not like I just couldn’t be there.

Y/N: I really enjoyed it. Yeah, there were a couple times I maybe wanted to kill someone, but it was fun. Lifelong friends, some of them. All of them, actually, but . . .

SASHA: Oh, well. We figured it out in the end. [smiles]

Y/N: It didn’t end well, as I’m sure you know.

JEAN: What were we? A rock band, according to Google, but what we were doing wasn’t rock.

CONNIE: It’s kind of funny, actually. Before Sasha we were all so uncreative and couldn’t come up with song titles. With good reason, too, that shit is hard. Trying to sum up your song in a couple words? Pfft. We were all useless, especially Eren.

ARMIN: Only the super old fans know this, but our very first song ever, track one on our debut album, was originally called “Pilot.”

EREN: Yes, like the fucking first episode of a show that doesn’t know if it’s gonna do well or some shit. It was not my idea.

JEAN: It was Eren’s idea.

MIKASA: I tried convincing them to name it something else, but they wouldn’t budge. I suggested just their band name and they said, “No, that’s too basic. We need something unique.” They didn’t change it until Scout Records told them to. And guess what they changed it to.

CONNIE: We changed the first song to “Heart Attack” in… let’s see, 2018 or somewhere close to that. 2019, maybe?

JEAN: Naming our first album “Debut” was Eren’s dumb ass idea, too. Uncreative prick.

EREN: No one else had any better ideas, so we just went with what I said by default. It’s not like anyone cared, anyway.

What can you tell me about Marco Bodt?

SASHA: Sorry, darling. I don’t know much about him other than he was the band’s first keyboardist.

Y/N: Just what Annie and everyone else told me way back when. I don't remember much.

MIKASA: Oh, I wasn’t around them enough at the beginning to know him. That was around the same time my mom had started getting me ready to take over the store, so I spent almost all of my free time with her.

ARMIN: I don’t really remember him. I had him in my Chemistry class before I dropped out. He was my table partner, I think. He was nice, though. We tutored each other sometimes. And, of course, he was over at Eren’s with us a lot.

CONNIE: I loved Marco, man. If you met him, you knew you had just met the sun. He always had such a bright outlook on everything. He was like Switzerland when we started arguing. And he always came up with the best compromises.

EREN: Marco was amazing. I felt bad all the time because he was always breaking up arguments. I have no clue why he was friends with us.

ARMIN: We were definitely annoying. It took a special kind of patience to deal with us, especially at that age. Marco always handled it so well, though. I think he and I would’ve ended up being much better friends if we were given the chance.

JEAN: Someone did their homework. You know about Marco? Course you do, you’re fucking [incoherent]. Uhm, Marco… God, I haven’t talked about him since he died. I don’t even think the really old fans know about him, to be honest. Well, Marco was . . . I think he was the first boy I ever loved.

i'm so excited for this series you guys don't even know. i have so much planned and i hope you guys have as much fun reading it as i had writing it

TAGLIST: @arlerts-angel if you'd like to join the taglist please comment to let me know!

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