#i remember starting an analysis of the lyrics a while back. i should finish that someday

[memoryoflife]

currently feeling normal about lyrics tonight

[maybedefinitely404]

Day 16: Prinxiety

@tsshipmonth2020

Heeey, look at that, I’m behind! Day 16: When your soulmate listens to music, you hear it in your own head as well. 

Content warnings: assumed death of a soulmate (he’s not dead), depression, general sad vibes.

Word count: 2.6k

Note: the songs referenced in this fic are IDK You Yet by Alexander 23 and Love is Gone by SLANDER. Both of these songs make me cry and were the inspiration for this.

It was at midnight on December 19th when Roman’s soulmark first appeared. He didn’t realize this until 1am.

Granted, he didn’t know it was his soulmark for the first hour.

At first, the almost imperceptible steady beat in his head just seemed like a song that had gotten stuck in there. He didn’t remember ever hearing the song, but it wasn’t unlikely that he’d heard the tune at the store or on the radio and it unconsciously ingrained itself into his memory. He was working on an assignment that was due in the morning, a script analysis for one of his Theatre courses, and had begun to bop his head along to the music when his roommate walked in, eyes bleary and arms laden with books.

“Why aren’t you in bed?” He asked through a yawn, dropping the books on his desk and flopping into the bottom bunk. 

“I could ask you the same question, Pat,” Roman hummed, completing his conclusion paragraph with a dramatic flair of his hands. “Just finished my paper. Going now.”

“Lost track of time at the library,” Patton murmured in response, draping his arms over his eyes. 

Closing his computer, Roman popped his back and climbed up the small ladder into the top bunk, using his cellphone as a flashlight. He assumed Patton was already fast asleep (the man could fall asleep at the drop of a hat) and tried to follow suit, only to sit up in annoyance after several minutes.

Whatever song was stuck in his head was keeping him up. 

He remembered a tip he’d seen on the internet once, that said if you sing the last part of the song, it’s easier to get out of your head. Something about ‘your brain needing to complete it to be satisfied’ or whatever. As hard as he focused, though, he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what song it was, much less the ending. 

The more he concentrated on it, the louder it seemed to get, until it was no longer a hum of bass in the back of his skull, and he could make out the lyrics, the guitar solos, everything. He definitely hadn’t heard this song before. It wasn’t the kind you’d hear playing in public; it was loud, swears thrown in every chorus, just generally the kind of thing you’d hear in a Hot Topic but nowhere else. 

And then it stopped.

For a split second he was pleased, thanking his brain for finally shutting off, and conceded to lie back down. He might be able to get six hours of sleep at this rate. Pretty good, for a college student. 

Except as soon as he closed his eyes, another song started. It was another one he didn’t know, one he would have no way of knowing each word to. The realization hit him hard and his eyes shot open, nearly falling off the ladder in his haste to climb down.

“Roman? Everything okay?” Patton drawled, clearly having been woken up by Roman’s enthusiasm. 

“My soulbond!”

“What?!” That got his attention and he jerked up, narrowly missing whacking his head on the top bunk.

“The music in my head all night, it’s my soulmate! It must be his birthday!”

He was pulling up music on his laptop before he’d even processed it, hands freezing over the keyboard as his brain grasped for something to play. What could he play that would properly introduce himself to his soulmate? A show tune? Something from the 80s? But his mind had gone completely blank, and he couldn’t think of a single one.

“What do I play, Pat?” He gasped, tapping the mousepad in time with the upbeat tempo in his head. 

Patton was suddenly leaning over his shoulder, clacking a name into the search bar before pressing enter. Roman narrowed his eyes 

“Why that one?”

Patton shrugged, “It’s kind of cheesy romantic, like you. And the first line is fitting.”

“A valid point,” Roman announced, closing his eyes to listen for a pause as the music switched. The second the song ended, he slammed the space bar, begging it to play before the next one started. 

How can you miss someone you’ve never met?

Because I need you now but I don’t know you yet,

But can you find me soon, because I’m in my head,

Yeah, I need you now but I don't know you yet.

A little more depressing than he initially would have chosen, but he could see Patton’s point. The music on the other end had been paused and he smiled in accomplishment, knowing that he must have heard. He let the song play to the end of the first chorus before pausing it, waiting with his roommate with baited breath.

The silence was almost unbearably long, Patton watching him intently for some kind of indication that the music was back.

Hello,

It’s me.

Adele’s soothing melody filled his mind and he absolutely wheezed with laughter. Patton grinned and let him explain through gasps for air, and he let out a giggle in response.

“Okay,” Roman snorted, “What next?”

Patton passed out probably an hour later after helping Roman pick out songs that would adequately encompass him as a person, but the theatre student didn’t sleep last night. Eventually him and his soulmate found a nice rhythm, each playing a song in turn. It didn’t take long for him to assume that his soulmate was emo (a fact that had him blushing furiously), simply due to the overwhelming amount of My Chemical Romance and Green Day played in his head, and he figured it was probably pretty obvious that he was a theatre kid. The second song he played was from Heathers, afterall. 

When his eyes finally started drooping too much to ignore, he knew he had to end this soon. The soulmate’s song ended and he quickly pulled up the first thing he’d thought of, a children’s lullaby, trying to indicate that he had to sleep.

There was quiet on the other end when the song ended, before the beginning trills of Baby Shark started playing and he groaned, quickly muffling the sound with his hand so as to not wake his roommate. He didn’t let it play past one verse, thank Olympus, and then his mind was quiet for the first time in many hours. It seemed like a mutual agreement that ‘now is sleep time’, and Roman went to sleep with a smile on his face.

Their new norm was quickly established in the following weeks. It became obvious almost right away that playing their music at the same time was cacophonous and only caused headaches, so they eventually settled on switching days. Every second morning, Roman would wake up to his alarm and quickly start his morning playlist, a set of rousing, uplifting, exciting songs to get his blood flowing for the day. It was his day to choose the music, so he’d set his walking playlist for class and his study one for the evenings, sometimes playing an adventure podcast or something to spice things up. The other days, he’d be woken by the soft notes of melancholy tunes, starting the day slowly. As the morning progressed, usually by the time he was eating breakfast, the tone would change to something a little more fast paced, as if his soulmate needed to warm up before getting to the main act. As much as the music wasn’t his style, he found himself keeping pace to the beat with his steps, bopping his head along to the melody, humming a harmony to the more commonly played ones. Just knowing that this was his soulmate made it better. 

And then, one day… the music stopped. 

He’d woken up around noon, not a big deal since he didn’t have classes until after lunch anyways, but he knew for a fact that his soulmate was always up by 10, latest. Whether the other had classes or a job that kept his schedule, he didn’t know. It was an oddity for sure that there was no alarm. 

He put it off to the other probably having a sick day, or a free schedule, and he was sleeping in for once. The worry only started creeping in near the evening, when usually at this time, the music would start slowing down again as the sun set. There hadn’t been a peep all day, which was very unlike either of them. Even though the silence bothered him, he wouldn’t dare intrude on the other’s day, so he studied and ate dinner in silence, tapping his pencil against the table. Of course, he put it off to a one day fluke. 

Except, two days after, when it should have been his soulmate’s turn again, there was no music. And the time after that. And the one after that. It was almost two weeks of radio silence on the other end before he called Patton through broken sobs, pleading for him to stop studying and come back to the dorm. Obviously, he made the ten minute walk in five. 

And then Roman admitted the way his anxieties had been spiralling.

“What if- What if our soulbond broke? Did the universe realize we were a mistake? Or… or what if he died?! What if he’s hurt or dying or alone and I’m just-”

Patton shushed him gently, rubbing his back as Roman hiccuped into his shoulder. “When did this start?”

“Two- two weeks ago.”

“Then isn’t it possible that he just isn’t listening to music for a little while? Maybe he’s… somewhere without wifi. Or his phone broke.”

Even though he very much didn’t believe a word Patton was saying, he nodded along messily, clutching Patton’s shirt tighter. He eventually agreed to give him more time, hold on just a little longer, before completely giving up.

It took about a month before he did, and it didn’t get better from there. 

Their consistency had been their norm for almost nine months, over summer break and now into the new school year, and now it was torn away without warning. Roman refused to listen to music on days that weren’t his, even though Patton tried to tell him it was okay, but he wouldn’t. It didn’t feel right. He mourned his soulmate the same way he would mourn a close friend’s death, for he truly believed he was gone for good. The person he’d barely gotten to understand, much less meet, and he was just… gone. He was going to live the rest of his life without a soulmate.

Most nights he just did the bare basics of the homework he had to do, without any of the old flair he’d put into all his work, and curled onto his bed to watch a show or, on his days, listen to music. His old playlists had shifted to the bottom of his rotation, now only bringing sadder memories that Patton had insisted he not indulge in at this point, so it was usually just automated lists he found. Nothing was special about them anymore. 

Today was his day, an uneventful Saturday where the most exciting occurrence was Patton convincing him to come to the cafeteria and eat with other people. It had been tiring and only made him feel more alone, so his daily scheduled moping times had come up a little earlier. Patton had given him a hug and a gentle kiss on the head, telling him he had to go meet some people for a group project, and to call if he needed anything, before grabbing his bag and leaving. Roman didn’t miss the sad look tossed his way before the door shut.

Despite Patton’s advice, he was feeling particularly shitty today, and his fingers, seemingly with a mind of their own, pulled up one of his older playlists. One of the ones that was reminiscent of days when he actually had a soulmate. He clicked shuffle and tossed the phone onto the pillow next to his head, curling that much deeper into his blankets, as if he could somehow refill the void that had been cut out of him. 

How can you miss someone you’ve never met?

Because I need you now but I don’t know you yet,

But can you find me soon, because I’m in my head,

Yeah, I need you now but I don't know you yet.

The first song he’d ever played had become a sort of inside joke between them. Despite the song’s sad melody and somber lyrics, it was a reminder of the first time they’d interacted; an awkward, laughter filled night. At least, it had been on Roman’s night, and he could only hope it had been the same on the other end. 

He didn’t even realize he was crying until the pillow beneath him was tear stained and gross to lay on. Why had the universe chosen him as the target for its cruel irony? Not that he wished this on anyone else… but why couldn’t soulmates be foolproof? Why was there that margin for error, the always-there possibility that everything you’ve ever dreamed of will be ripped out of your hands just as soon as you think you have it? So close, but so far. At least before they’d connected, he’d lived in blissful hope and ignorance. 

The song ended and he pressed pause lethargically, not able to find the emotional strength to listen to more. Maybe Patton had been right. A glance out the window showed that it was well past nightfall, the full moon gleaming into his window, and he decided to just sleep the emptiness away. It hadn’t worked so far, but maybe tonight was the night. He turned off his phone screen and plugged it in to charge, rolling away to face the wall, and waited for the soothing peace of sleep to take over him.

At first, he thought it was just a hallucination, wishful thinking. More than once in the three months since his soulmate disappeared, he’d thought he’d heard music, only for the feeling to disappear as soon as he focused on it. A soulbond only became louder when concentrated on, so he eventually realized he was doing it to himself subconsciously, his mind struggling to fill the emptiness that had once been filled by the other’s music. 

When it disappeared, he figured it was music from someone else’s dorm filtering through the thin walls. But no, this was too clear, too distinct, too ingrained, to be coming from an external source.

He calmed his racing heart before he could jump to conclusions. This music isn’t like what his used to be. It must be your brain, because he’s gone. He’s GONE, Roman.

Much as he tried to push it down, he couldn’t. It was becoming evident that no, something was happening, and it had to do with his soulmate. As he had done for the time he’d known (could it be considered ‘knowing’) the other, he concentrated on the lyrics, because those were the only feeble ways they’d interacted in those times. 

I’m sorry,

Don’t leave me,

I want you here with me, 

I know that your love is gone.

I can’t breathe,

I’m so weak, 

I know this isn’t easy,

Don’t tell me that your love is gone,

That your love is gone.

Patton walked in after his group meeting to see Roman sobbing in his bed and, immediately assuming the worst, he jumped onto the bed and pulled him into his arms. Through gasps for breath, Roman was able to choke out that, “He’s back. He’s playing music. He’s back. He’s back.”

Part 2 HERE

[kkusuka]

Third year songs <3

this is most of the thrid years- not all 

from my spotify liked playlist <3

comes with a side of slight character analysis 

These are my interpretations of HQ characters and these songs!!

Time-skip spoilers!! (very slight) 

---

Karasuno 

Daichi Sawamura

 Waiting for Superman- Daughtry

She's waiting for Superman

To lift her up

And take her anywhere

Show her love

And climbing through the air

Save her now

Before it's too late tonight

She's waiting for Superman

Daichi seems like he makes a  lot of promises, that he just can’t physically keep. He just has so many things going on that he just can’t pay attention to all of them at once. This leads to far too many forgotten dates and even more broken promises. You know its not his fault and he does too, he just can’t leave anyone hanging. 

Koushi Sugawara

 Island- Florida Georgia Line

We might as well be on an island

Like we're the last two on this Earth

Like we're frozen here in time

Like it's empty here tonight

I feel like suga likes to put himself back into happier times. And that he tries to hold into happy moments as they are happening. He says he is a man of the moment, but when he feels down, he tries to put himself back into the more joyous times. 

Asahi Azumane 

You say- Lauren Daigle 

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing

You say I am strong when I think I am weak

And you say I am held when I am falling short

And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours

And I believe (I)

Oh, I believe (I)

What You say of me (I)

I believe

Asahi is clearly very attached to how people perceive him. So when people shower him with compliments, he attaches onto them. He likes what makes him comfortable and he wants to stay comfortable for as long as he can. Words are important to him, so when he hears something bad it can ruin him for a while. He really does believe what the people he loves say to him. 

Kiyoko Shimizu

 Mothers daughter- Miley Cyrus 

Oh my gosh, she got the power

Oh, look at her, she got the power

So, so, so

…

Must be something in the water

Or that I'm my mother's daughter

The power this woman carries. She’s built her confidence and she’s not letting anyone ruin it for her. I truly believe that her friends all become more confident because she wants everyone around her to feel confident too. Since she doesn't speak all that much she lets her body language do most of the expression. 

--

Nekoma 

Tetsurō Kuroo

 High school sweethearts- Melanie Martinez 

Could you hold me through the night?

Put your lips all over my mine

Salty face when I start cryin'

Could you be my first time?

Eat me up like apple pie

Kuroo definitely takes trust very seriously. I feel he’s also really scared of someone breaking this trust, so he does form it with a lot of people. That saying if he does, he wants it to last forever.

 (...Step twoThis is a waste if you can't walk me down the finish line…) 

He truly believes in the people he surrounds himself with. 

Nobuyuki Kai 

Kill the Lights- Set it Off

Now I am cutting ties clean off

And I can breathe at last

So we all stand enthralled by this bland curtain call

And the truth we pursue as we all, we all beg you to

 Kai seems like he wasn't really that invested in volleyball, so having all these passionate people around him was a shock.  But he really got into third year, and he wants people to feel that passion too. In the back of his mind he feels bad for not feeling it like the rest of the team, but since looking in the past means nothing now, he tries to move on. 

Morisuke Yaku

 Mama- Mcr

And when we go don't blame us, yeah

We'll let the fires just bathe us, yeah

You made us oh so famous;

We'll never let you go

And when you go don't return to me my love

I mean, he is part of the mom squad. But it's ever so slightly more deep. I’m gonna say it's momma-bird syndrome. He doesn't want people to move on without him, seeing people achieve their dreams is great but he doesn't want you to do it if that means loving him. 

--

Seijoh

Tōru Oikawa

Prom Queen- Beach Bunny

Maybe I should try harder

You should lower your expectations

I'm no quick-curl barbie

I was never cut out for prom queen

I feel like oikawa is constantly feeling like he has to catch up to everyone around him. At some point in Argentina he came to the conclusion that he was good enough and didn't need to rise to anyone's standards of him, but when he got picked for the national team everything came back. He still has all of those feelings from high-school. Never making it to nationals, feeling like he failed his team. 

Issei Matsukawa

Bubblegum Bitch- Marina and the diamonds 

Got a figure like a pin-up, got a figure like a doll

Don't care if you think I'm dumb, I don't care at all

Candy bear, sweetie pie, wanna be adored

I'm the girl you'd die for

I feel like to earn Mattsun’s trust, he would put you through some ridiculous trial of sorts. I also feel that he is very comfortable with who he is, and he takes no shit about it. But that comes with the fact that he rarely takes fault in things, and that sparks arguments. He’ll use your love for him against you, he’ll be as cold as he can muster, until YOU take fault. 

Takahiro Hanamaki

 OUT THE ROOF- Chase Atlantic 

Yeah, we stay lit

We fuck bitches, pop on pillies, that is it, yeah

Holy moly, holy shit, yeah

Me and all my people are heaven sent, yeah, yup

9this is a strait vibe for Makki) 

I feel like Makki drowns his problems out with meaningless activities. Like smoking or one-night stands. He’d rather drown out his problems then have them in his  face. Or when he’s forced to face them, he’ll deflect until he has nothing else to deflect. Because when you’re high there nothing to worry about! Why stress about meaningless problems when he can be having fun!  

Hajime Iwaizumi

 Endlessly- The Cab

Yeah, your friends may think I'm crazy

Cause they can only see

I'm not perfect, but I swear, I'm perfect for you.

And there's no guarantee

That this will be easy.

It's not a miracle you need, believe me.

Yeah, I'm no angel, I'm just me

But I will love you endlessly.

Iwa knows that he can't be there for you all the time. Physically he tries his best, mentally he can help when he can. But you both know that you're perfect for one another. He just can't help but listen to the people around him sometimes. You deserve the world, but he doesn't know if he can give that to you. 

--

Fukurodani

Kōtarō Bokuto 

Prima Donna- Andrew Lloyd Webber 

Can you bow out when they're shouting your name?

Think of how they all adore you

We’ve all seen how Bokuto gets what he’s praised for literally anything remotely impressive. So that makes him a cannon prima donna! but that also means the lows and really bad mood swings. This song just fits him so well it’s scary.  

-- 

Shiratorizawa

Wakatoshi Ushijim

 More- Usher 

If you really want more, scream it out louder,

If you on the floor, bring out the fire,

And light it up, take it up higher,

Gotta push it to the limit, give it more.

This seems kinda obvious, but Ushijima never gives up. Ever since he was a kid, he set a goal for himself and he went beyond what he even set out for. And that comes with a lot of work and training for every new level of volleyball. He’s just going to get better and better until he retires, or is forced to retire. 

Eita Semi

 strawberries and cigarettes- troye sivan

Long nights, daydreams

Sugar and smoke rings, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

Headlights, on me

Racing to 60, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like

Blue eyes, black jeans

Lighters and candy, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

I feel like semi always thinks about how Shirabu replaced him on the starting line-up. But he’s mostly gotten over it, but certain things bring him back into that stage of his life. Then the cycle starts all over again. He constantly looks back on the game against Karasuno and thinks about wat would have happened if he was the setter instead. 

Reon Ōhira

 Remember when- Chris Wallace 

So can we push push push rewind,

Go go back in time,

When we were kids sneaking bottles of wine,

Take take take me back, I wanna go back,

Back to what we had! Do you remember when we started this mess,

My heart was beating out of my chest!,

Remember when we stole your dad's car,

Reon gives me the vibe that his days at Shiratorizawa were some of the best of his life. How can they not be? He made the greatest friends of his life there. And I also feel like he looks back on them a bit more than he wants to admit.

Satori Tendō

 This Side of Paradise- Coyote theory

Are you lonely?

Passion is crashing as we speak

You seem so lonely

You're the ground my feet won't reach

So if you're lonely

Darling you're glowing

If you're lonely come be lonely with me.

I get the vibe that Tendou attaches himself to whatever makes him feel wanted/safe. (ex. volleyball) he knows it isn't healthy, but he can't help it. This does lead to him completely distancing himself from you over and over because he thinks you’ll leave him. 

Hayato Yamagata- House of gold- Twenty one Pilots 

I will make you

Queen of everything you see

I'll put you on the map

I'll cure you of disease (Ooh)

And since we know that dreams are dead

And life turns plans up on their head

I will plan to be a bum

So I just might become someone

Even though we don't see a lot of him, I get the feeling he treats people really well. Like he cherishes people a lot more than some of them deserve. As you can see this leads to some unfair relationships and toxic people. He just wants to hold on until a good person comes along. 

--

Nohebi 

Suguru Daishō

Mr Loverman - Ricky Montgomery 

I'm Mr. Loverman

And I miss my lover, man

I'm Mr. Loverman

Oh, and I miss my lover

I feel like this was way too obvious, but it really is his song. It’s literally cannon, every lyric in this song is what happened with Mika. but in the end he got her back and made his promise  to be a better loverman <3. 

Kazuma Numai

 Nonstop- Drake 

Future took the business and ran it for me

I let Ollie take the owl, told him brand it for me

I get two million a pop and that's standard for me

Like I went blind dog, you gotta hand it to me

He looks and acts like a guy who listens to drake. He just seems like a guy who won't stop or give up even when things take a turn. He’ll just keep fighting until nothing’s left. 

Kōji Hiroo

 At the Wheel- Colorblind 

I need something to wake me up

It's never strong enough

I'm just getting colder and starting over

Going numb is just the way I run from

All my problems when I can't solve them

Need to break away

Escape the way I'm feeling

Hate to be fake, but I'm just dealing

This one doesn't really have a true reason, i really just felt like this was his song.  Sorry just the vibe. 

;)

Inarizaki

Shinsuke Kita

 Oh Ms Believer- twenty one pilots 

Oh, Ms. Believer, my pretty sleeper

Your twisted mind is like snow on the road

Your shaking shoulders prove that it's colder

Inside your head than the winter of dead

I will tell you I love you

But the muffs on your ears will cater your fears

My nose and feet are running as we start

To travel through snow

Together we go

I feel like kita is unintentionally cold towards the world, like he wants to open up but can't figure out how. But in turn if you can get him to feel “warmer” (get closer to him) he’ll share everything with you, almost oversharing. Just because he can't help it, he’s kept it all in for so long. Sometimes he just needs someone to hold him and make HIM feel better, because he does it for everyone. If you can manage all of this i feel like he’ll keep you with him forever. 

Ren Ōmimi

 Armor- Landon Austin

I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you

Don't know what to say when you made me the enemy

After the war is won

There's always the next one

I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you

I feel like not a lot of people approach ren because of how intimidating he looks. This has made him weary when people are really enthused to first meet him, because he thinks it’s a joke. After getting over that hurdle i feel like he just isn't an open person so it’ll take a long time to even get to a point where he trusts you. Hence the other wars after the first. 

Aran Ojiro-

 Never really over- Katy perry

Two years, and just like that, my head still takes me back

Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over

Oh, we were such a mess, but wasn't it the best?

Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over

Just because it's over doesn't mean it's really over

And if I think it over, maybe you'll be coming over again

And I'll have to get over you all over again

After all of these years, I really don't think Aran has truly gotten over losing at nationals in third year. And now on the national team he sees Hinata and Kageyama all the time and it takes him back. It makes him re-feel all the emotions he felt after the game. It hurt him to know that he gave his everything and still lost.  Like when he’s in bed he puts himself back into that self loathing phase of his life. 

Michinari Akagi

Try Hard - 5sos

It's obvious she’s so out of reach

And I'm finding it hard 'cause

She makes me feel, makes me feel

Like I try, like I try, like I'm trying too hard

'Cause I'm not being me

And it’s getting me down that

She makes me think, makes me think

That I try, that I try, that I'm trying too hard again

Akagi gives off boy best friend vibes.  But like to EVERYONE, so the person he liked just thought he was making fun of them and he didn't like them back. And i feel like that kinda traumatized him a bit, so when he got a new s/o he tried really really hard to make them special, but the same thing happened. 

i may do some with the second and first years, idk this took so long :)

[gemmassong]

So uh. It’s 4:17am and I know literally no one cares but I just finished watching Bo Burnham’s new special and like, holy shit. I have some Feelings. And this is my fucking tumblr so unfortunately anyone who follows me can and will be subjected to those Feelings. Apologies in advance. I blame my high school English teacher for this, who I had for freshmen, junior, and senior year, because that cunt made as analyze and pick apart not just books but documentaries, movies, and other pieces of media to such an extreme degree I still blame her for a lot of my academic burnout and inability to really engage with my college courses because what was the fucking point. If I could write the best paper in the class and still not get a full score when my classmates with less well written shit did because I ‘wasn’t reaching my full potential or putting in as much effort as required’ why should I bother. 

Off topic. I’ll put the rest under a cut to be vaguely courteous because this is going to be a lot of semi-organized rambling that I’m putting here mostly so I can stare at it in baffled, disgusted horror at ~2pm tomorrow when I go back and reread it. And then decide not to delete it anyway because hey, I don’t delete anything because I enjoy tormenting myself years down the road.

I grew up with Bo Burnham, yeah? I knew all the lyrics to New Math when I was in middle school and you can bet your ass I understood like, four verses at the time I first started singing it. And I remember the vivid pleasure of going through high school and hating math because I suck at it (ayooo failed out of Calc senior year first semester~ (they weren’t called semesters in hs they were some quarterly thing but I don’t fucking remember the right term)) and the absolute joy realizing how one of those verses were clever was brought me. Like, every time I understood a new verse in New Math it made my entire day so much better. 

And then the summer after my first year of college I, for some fucking reason I cannot fathom now, 20 year old me thought it was a brilliant idea to decide to watch What. with my parents while we ate dinner. I had seen What. before. I knew what the contents entailed. I was apparently 100% down to watch him pretend to jack off on stage while eating taco salad in the living room with both of my parents who were so closed mouthed about sex that I got literally my entire sexual education from fanfiction. 

And then my cat had a seizure literally right before that scene so fate helped me escape that hell for some reason, and yes, Siren was fine after a very scary night.

But like. Still. What the fuck, 20 year old me. Why did you set yourself up for the mortifying experience of watching a comedian mime jacking off while sitting next to your mother. Why. 

So anyway. Bo Burnham was peripherally a part of my life for a very long time. I’ve always really liked him. I wish he had made more vines while vine was still a thing because the ‘is there anything better than pussy’ one still cracks me tf up. 

I saw a post here at some point about how the new special made someone feel like they’d just watched his suicide note. And I didn’t take it seriously, because yeah, Make Happy got kinda serious and stressful there at the end but like? 

Maaaaan am I glad I watched Inside though, despite being vaguely concerned. I totally get where that person was coming from. It does kinda feel like that. At the same time though, I just have this feeling that Inside is going to be important. 

Here’s where I finally get to the actual fucking point of the post.

Collectively, entertainment media is desperately trying right now to figure out how the hell to handle the pandemic. Ignore it? Pretend all media now exists in a universe where the shitstorm of 2020 didn’t exist? Most of the ones that I’ve seen have gone down what I consider the absolute worst route, which is of course terrible fucking writing that kind of? addresses the pandemic and shit that went down, but like, with clunky dialogue and really bad jokes. I’m mostly talking about the Roseanne spinoff/sequel/whatever the fuck it’s considered, of which I watched half an episode of and then silently begged my fiance to let us leave his mother’s house because she was laughing at it and it was genuinely, horrifically painful. This is why I don’t watch tv anymore. 

ANYWAY. He never mentions it. Not once. There are plenty of really relevant things discussed and pointed out and I think one? mention of the actual year 2020 but beyond that. Nothing. And I feel like Inside might be one of the most genuine, visceral, real pieces of media portraying the pandemic that we, as an American society anyway, are going to come away from this all with. At least everyone in my own admittedly piss poor social circles has spent like last ~year and a half doing that social media thing where the more you post about how well you’re doing and great it all is, the more miserable and bad off you really are.

(Yes, that is how I judge my ‘friends’’ relationships on facebook. The more pictures/posts/tagged shit/social media demonstrations of how ~amazing~ and ~in love~ and ~perfect~ everything is, the worse I assume the reality is.)

But Inside strikes as very, very real. And I just feel like 20 30 40 50 years from now, when we’re talking about the 2020 pandemic and how it shaped and shifted and effected and destroyed people and society, it’s going to be a very important piece of media. Because so far, anyway, it’s the first one I’ve seen where you can actually see it all go down. The absolute fucking breakdown so many of us went through. Dealing with worsening mental problems that had previously been getting better, lost progress, ruined plans and dreams and missed opportunities and everything else. 

It’s the first one that strikes as real, I guess. As not manufactured. Not tailored to portray the ‘correct’ message. Not diminishing or exaggerating anything but just... showing. Existing within the reality of the year. And not being apologetic or ashamed about it. 

I’m glad he actually went through with putting it out into the world. That probably took a whole lot to do, and I hope good things get to him for going through with it all. For completing it and giving it to the world. It was visceral and raw to watch and my piss poor attention span that needs 20+ tabs open at all times actually sat there and watched it, in full, all the way through in one go. Without pausing to read a fic, watch something else, check facebook or tumblr, answer a roleplay, or skim through omegle to see if anyone good was online. That’s like, unheard of these days.

I just. I dunno. There’s a lot there to breakdown. A part of me wants to do it, take the time and write the analysis and the breakdowns and pick out what I think the important bits are. But I hate doing that now and I’m sure the desire will be gone come afternoon-morning, along with all these weird feelings about it. 

This has gotten long enough and it’s 4:47 now, so half an hour of word vomiting into a tumblr post is probably too much. So I guess I’ll call it quits and maybe maybe not delete this when I wake up. Night, anyone who actually suffered through reading this mess.

[authenticcadence18]

Can’t Help Falling in Love Ch. 5

THE CHAPTER IS BACK UP, WOO!!!!! (it accidentally got deleted...but I’m finally fixing it, yay!!) Pls enjoy!! 

Warning: the next line contains a minor trigger warning which contains a minor spoiler.

(minor trigger warning for an injury in this chapter. It’s nothing serious...and mostly just in there as an excuse for some fluff...but I wanted to let y’all know just in case!)

First Chapter

Previous Chapter

AO3

...

Darling, so it goes…

Some things are meant to be…

...

“Alright! Before I let you and your partners discuss your projects for the last fifteen minutes of class, who can tell me something about dominant chords?”

Since the beginning of March, Ms. Chase had made a habit of asking her students one review question a day as a “pre-pre exam review.”

Unfortunately, the blank stares she got in response to today’s question seemed to indicate no one had a response.

Ms. Chase allowed the silence to linger for a few seconds, giving her students the opportunity to think critically about her question before determining she needed to move on. “Alright, I’ll review them again!” she said warmly. “There’s no point in waiting an eternity for someone to answer a question if no one knows the answer or wants to answer...we would just be wasting time.

“Dominant chords are built on the fifth note in a scale, and they create instability! Whenever you hear a dominant chord in a song, you instinctively wait for it to resolve. It sounds like it’s holding its breath! And, that resolution, or the exhale of relief, is typically found in a tonic chord!! Remember, the tonic chord is built on the first note of a scale, so when you go back to it, it’s like you’re going back home.”

Perhaps now that she’d reviewed the concept, the class would be able to answer a question!

“Can anyone think of a song that ends with a dominant chord resolving to the tonic?”

A student raised his hand.

“Yes, Django?”

Django’s answer was hesitant. “...‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’?”

“Excellent!!!” Ms. Chase replied with a grin. She wrote out the lyrics to the first verse of the tune on the whiteboard and gestured to them to elaborate on the lesson. “Imagine the words ‘what you’ being held out for an extended period of time instead of immediately being followed by the word ‘are’ and the final tonic chord....hear the unresolved dominant chord in your head…..FEEL the mounting tension that is DESPERATE to finally be resolved…...can you hear it? Can you FEEL the aching, burning desperation for resolution???”

A few particularly musically-inclined students—Isabella and Phineas included—nodded their heads enthusiastically. The majority of the class, however, seemed primarily caught off-guard by their teacher’s passion for chords (especially while discussing a children’s nursery rhyme).

Ms. Chase chuckled at their reactions (and her heart sang at the few students who DID seem to grasp the inherent beauty of dominant and tonic chords.)

“Look, I know this might seem boring and irrelevant now, but you’ll need this information to understand a simile in a couple of chapters!!”

“....don’t you mean to understand our exam review in a couple of weeks?”

“Yup! That’s what I said!!”

...

“Alright, by class time tomorrow, you and your partner need to decide whether your final project will be live, recorded, or elsewise! No matter what you decide to do, you will have to turn in your project along with your essays next Monday, exactly a week from today. You can turn in a scratch recording if you intend to do a live performance. And, just a reminder, presentations will start next week on Tuesday. Alright, you have the rest of class to discuss with your partners! Go!!!!”

Isabella and Phineas nodded at their teacher before facing one-another. Isabella opened her notebook and thumbed to a blank page, scribbling the words “Presentation Ideas” on the top.

“I’m sure glad we already got the essay out of the way!!” Phineas exclaimed as she wrote. “It was a great idea to do that first, Isabella.”

Isabella smiled sweetly (and maybe she blushed a little, but who could blame her?) and replied, “AND, just like you said, we have a better grasp on the song’s themes and structure now! That’ll make the presentation easier.”

“Easier,” of course, was a relative term for their situation. Understanding the themes and structure of their assigned song didn’t change what the lyrics meant to them personally.

Isabella and Phineas quite literally couldn’t help being in love with one another.

No amount of analysis could top that for inspiration.

“OK!!” Isabella shook her head to clear it of thoughts about her feelings for Phineas and the inherent irony in their song assignment. “Ideas for our presentation!! What do you want to do? Make a poster? Sing live? Record a video?”

(One would think two individuals as motivated and driven as Phineas and Isabella would have come to a decision about this by now. But they’d both been putting this conversation off for as long as they could.)

“Well….” Phineas rubbed the back of his neck and tried to hide the faint blush warming his face. “...I think it would be fun to sing together again. I mean, live. For the class. We haven’t done that—you know, sung together—in years.”

Deep down, Phineas knew singing with Isabella was perhaps not the best idea. Singing “Can’t Help Falling in Love” for their presentation—as opposed to making a poster or something about it—would almost CERTAINLY result in sly looks from the rest of their classmates as they performed...not to mention be difficult on Phineas himself.

But he loved singing with Isabella.

Some of his fondest memories from when they were kids involved musical numbers—be they spontaneous or rehearsed—in which they shared a melody.

Phineas also figured it would be less risky to sing live than make a video. If he and Isabella chose the latter option for their presentation, they would likely have to spend time editing footage together after recording...and Isabella could catch him gazing fondly at her in one of the videos...and his secret would be out. It would be better to just record the audio of their song once or twice for Ms. Chase and then sing it in front of the class.

And...there was one final reason Phineas wanted to sing “Can’t Help Falling in Love” with Isabella.

Doing so would be the safest way to say “I love you ” to her.

He didn’t expect her to return his feelings or even UNDERSTAND just how deeply the lyrics resonated in his heart while they sang together, of course.

But he wanted to tell her he loved her. Even if it was just through the lyrics of a half-a-century-old song. Even if it didn’t mean anything to her.

It would mean something to him.

Isabella smiled fondly as memories of singing with Phineas washed over her. “You know what? I think you’re right. That WOULD be fun. We should sing together. ...you know, live!”

(She also didn’t trust herself to film a video without making heart eyes at Phineas and potentially give her feelings away. Maybe he wouldn’t notice but...it was better to be safe than sorry.)

A bright smile unfolded over Phineas’s face, and Isabella giggled.

“It’s settled then!!” he exclaimed excitedly. “We’ll decide on some instruments to play and come up with an arrangement for the song, and then….” He gazed at her lovingly and took her hand in his. “All we’ll have to do is…run away together!!!”

Isabella beamed at him.

And then she blinked. And frowned.

Because what had Phineas said, exactly?

…and why did it feel uncomfortably familiar?

A bit of closer inspection revealed that Phineas wasn’t actually holding her hand. Or gazing at her lovingly.

...this didn’t bode well.  

Isabella took a deep breath. “......can you repeat that?” she asked hesitantly. “I think I zoned out for a second there.”

“Sure!” Phineas replied cheerfully. “I said, we’ll decide on some instruments to play and come up with an arrangement for the song, and then all we’ll have to do is record it for Ms. Chase and sing for the class!”

Isabella offered Phineas a thumbs up and a strained smile for the clarification.

On the inside, however...she was not smiling at all.

When Isabella was younger, she’d had a bad habit of occasionally falling into romantic daydreams about Phineas when he spoke to her and missing whatever he’d actually said. The rest of the Fireside Girls had lovingly dubbed this phenomenon “going to Phineasland.”

Isabella hadn’t been to Phineasland in years. Even now, though her feelings for Phineas were stronger than ever, she figured she’d outgrown it.

...except she apparently HADN’T outgrown it.

And she was going to scream.

Because if such daydreams became more frequent, Isabella had no idea how she’d be able to perform a love song with Phineas!! How was she supposed to discern between fantasy and reality while singing a romantic duet with him if she apparently couldn't even do it in regular conversation now??

...Isabella was just going to have to focus extra carefully whenever they interacted from now on. And take anything Phineas said (or sang) that could be interpreted as more than friendly with a grain of salt.

Several grains of salt.

“So. Do you want to get started on the song after school today?” Phineas asked.

“Sure!!” Isabella agreed quickly, eager to put thoughts of Phineasland out of her head and focus on literally anything else.  “I have soccer practice till 4:30, though. Do you have any meetings today? If not, I can come over to your house once I’m finished.”

“I don’t have any meetings today, but don’t mind hanging out here until you’re done!” Phineas replied. “Maybe I can sit outside on the bleachers while you and the team practice!! That way, you won’t have to walk home by yourself afterward.”

Isabella grinned, already looking forward to strolling home with Phineas (and maybe accidentally brushing her hand against his a few times as they walked).

(She could totally do that without going to Phineasland. Totally. 100%.)

“That sounds great!”  

...

Phineas smiled as a light breeze ruffled his hair.

It was a beautiful afternoon to sit outside and watch one’s crush play soccer.

It had been awhile since Phineas witnessed the soccer team in action. Their season ended back in autumn, and all their spring practices were primarily held to keep the team moving and prepare the underclassmen for next year’s season.

(Phineas hadn’t missed a game, of course. He loved supporting Isabella in any way he could...and watching her play soccer and lead the team was pretty awesome.)

His gaze gradually drifted away from the soccer field and down to the notebook in his lap. He added a bit of shading to the design for an invention he’d been ruminating on for awhile: a generator that could create any image in fireworks. Such an invention could be used for quite a few things, but Phineas had a particular idea in mind for it….

On the opposite page, he sketched out a horizon and penciled the phrase “Gitchee Gitchee Goo!” into the sky. A lopsided grin unfolded over his face as he absently doodled small hearts and sparks around the lyric.

...now that song was stuck in his head. He hummed a bit of the refrain.

Gitchee gitchee goo means that I love you!

Phineas smiled fondly at the familiar melody, one he and Isabella both knew very well. He wasn’t planning on confessing to her anytime soon...but it was still fun to daydream up different ways he could do so.

(Well. It was fun to daydream up different ways he could do so in a hypothetical scenario where confessing couldn’t result in their friendship being ruined forever. But that went without being said.)

“Hey, Phineas! Whatcha drawin’?”

Phineas’s pulse skyrocketed, and he nearly fell off the bleachers.

He’d been so wrapped up in his daydream, he didn’t realize Isabella was sitting next to him now.

And it was too late to shut the notebook. She’d already seen it.

...this didn’t bode well.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you!” Isabella said with an apologetic smile. “We’re taking a short break, so I wanted to see what you were up to.” She moved a bit closer to Phineas so she could admire his handiwork better. “Oooooh, that looks neat!! Is that a generator that makes custom fireworks?”

Phineas managed to nod, hoping his face didn’t look as red as it felt.

Isabella smiled as she read the familiar lyric scrawled in the paper sky. “Are you planning to use this to promote some sort of Phineas and the Ferbtones comeback concert?”

Some of the tension left Phineas’s shoulders.

Isabella had provided a perfect explanation for the fireworks he’d drawn!!

“YUP!!!” he replied quickly. “I’d use it to promote a comeback concert!! Or, well, a comeback-comeback concert, I guess. But probably not anytime soon. I’m in no rush to revisit being a one-hit wonder...there’s too much other stuff going on right now. But I bet it could be fun to do someday!”

“Well, whenever you schedule that concert, let me know! Being a Ferbette was tons of fun.” Isabella smiled and quietly sang a bit of the aforementioned one-hit wonder to herself. “Gitchee gitchee goo means that I love you!”

Phineas let out an inaudible sigh of relief (and tried to ignore the way his heart leapt to hear Isabella sing the words ‘ I love you ’ in his general vicinity).

THAT had been a close one.

“Isabella, Isabella!!!”

A younger soccer player—perhaps a sophomore—ran over to the bleachers, an excited smile plastered to her face and blond hair flying behind her.

“What’s up, Mel?” Isabella asked. “We’ve still got a few minutes before we start the next drill. Is everything okay?”

“Is this—" Mel paused to catch her breath (running across the soccer field in one go was no easy feat!) before starting again. “Is this who I think it is??” She gestured to Phineas excitedly.  

Isabella smiled proudly. “It sure is!!

“Phineas, meet Mel, soccer-extraodrinare! And Mel, meet Phineas!!! He and I are working on a project for a class together, so he’s hanging out here until the end of practice.”

“It’s nice to meet you!” Phineas said kindly, extending a hand towards Mel. “I’ve seen you play before: you’ve got great form!!”

Mel, in response, squealed elatedly.

Which kind of freaked Phineas out.

Isabella couldn’t help but laugh at his confused expression. “Your reputation precedes you,” she explained with a grin.

“You built a Football X7 stadium in your backyard when you were just a kid!!!!” Mel elaborated. “Isabella told us all about it last semester!!!”

“Well, TECHNICALLY, my brother, Isabella, and the rest of our friends also built the stadium,” Phineas replied with a smile. “It was a team effort!”

Football X7 was once a purely hypothetical concept. In the 1950s, a man named Professor Ross Eforp developed plans for a fully-enclosed football—or soccer, for any Americans reading—stadium in which players could run on walls and shoot goals from virtually anywhere! Unfortunately, he was never able to bring his dream into reality, and it was deemed impossible.

Fortunately, for Phineas, Ferb, and the rest of their friends, the only thing that was impossible was impossibility! They built the world’s first fully-functioning Football X7 stadium to play a match with Ferb’s cousins one summer day and gave it away to a popular football team once they were finished with it.

Mel grinned before taking a deep breath and shyly asking, “...have you ever thought about building another stadium sometime? Playing soccer on this field is great and all, but I’ve always wondered what it would be like to play Football X7. Isabella told us it was tons of fun!”

Phineas rubbed his chin thoughtfully. It had only taken a few hours to build the stadium when he and Isabella were kids, but they’d had the help of Ferb and the rest of their friends then (and no other responsibilities to tend to, since it had been the middle of summer). “Well, I don’t see why not!” he said. “That would be really cool! But, we might need some extra hands to build it quickly.”

Isabella’s eyes lit up. “Why not recruit the robotics club to help?” she suggested excitedly. “We could all work together to build it!! With so many people lending a hand, it wouldn’t take long at all!”

“That’s a great idea!!!!” Phineas replied with a grin. “Ferb and I have been trying to think of something we could build with the robotics club for the betterment of the school, and a Football X7 stadium would be perfect!! How about I bring it up at our meeting tomorrow afternoon, make sure everyone is on board and that it’s okay with the school administrators, and then we can decide where and when to build?”

“That sounds great!!!” Isabella said.

“And, once it’s built, we can play a match together, for old time’s sake,” Phineas added.

Isabella smirked, a competitive glint emerging in her eyes. “The robotics team against the soccer team? You’re on!!!”

Mel squealed excitedly before taking off across the field, loudly exclaiming the recent development to the rest of the team. A ripple of cheers spread amongst the players as the amazing news—Phineas Flynn was going to help build them a Football X7 stadium!!—sank in.

Their shouts of joy nearly brought tears to Isabella’s eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen them so happy….” she whispered.

Isabella cared deeply for the members of the soccer team. Throughout high school, in all its ups and downs, they’d always been there for her—and she’d made it a top priority to look out for the younger players (both to pay it forward to the upperclassmen who’d looked out for her when she was just a freshman and because she loved helping others, period).

To have the opportunity to give back to them like this, to see them so excited...it was amazing.

...and it wouldn’t have been possible without the brilliant, kind-hearted boy beside her.

Isabella turned to Phineas with a warm smile, gratitude momentarily overriding any qualms at expressing affection towards him, and brushed a quick kiss against his cheek.

“Thank you, Phineas.”

And then she stood from the bleachers and started jogging across the field and towards the rest of the team—both to join their celebration and finish up their practice.

Isabella didn’t fully register that she’d kissed Phineas on the cheek until she was about midway across the field. This realization made her stumble, doubts and possible ramifications of the spontaneous gesture suddenly spinning about her skull.

Had that been too much? Had she given her feelings away??

A small, slightly-jaded voice in Isabella’s head whispered, “Please, Isabella. Phineas is perhaps the most oblivious person on this planet—nay, in this GALAXY. He wouldn’t be able to figure out you have feelings for him just by you giving him a thank-you kiss on the cheek. He probably thinks it was a friendly gesture.”

The small, slightly-jaded voice was right. Sort of.

Phineas couldn’t move.

Had that really just happened? Had that been real??

The pinprick of warmth, the signature of Isabella’s kiss, still glowing faintly on his cheek seemed to indicate it had, indeed, been real.

He told himself she’d just been expressing her gratitude. That kiss did not mean—COULD NOT HAVE MEANT—anything more than “thank you.” After all, friends could kiss each other on the cheek, couldn’t they? They did that in other countries, right? Like, in France? That had to be what Isabella had intended by kissing him.

But this perfectly logical explanation couldn’t stop Phineas’s heart from racing in a perfectly illogical way. Or his face from flushing in an equally illogical way.

Because Isabella had kissed him.

Even if it had been a friendly kiss.

She’d kissed him.

A dreamy smile unfurled across Phineas’s face.

Today was a good day.  

...

The walk home was relatively uneventful.

Isabella didn’t dare “accidentally” brush her hand against Phineas’s now, not after the stunt she’d pulled during soccer. Attempted hand-holding probably would have been pushing it...even for someone as oblivious as Phineas.

And Phineas didn’t dare bring up Isabella’s kiss. But he thought about it. He couldn’t stop thinking about it.

The duo simply walked home, chatting about school and their project and ideas for the Football X7 stadium.

When they arrived at the Flynn-Fletcher household, they settled in the living room to develop a game plan for their song.

“Alright, Isabella,” Phineas began as they sat on the ground. “Are there any particular instruments you want to play when we sing?”

“I’m just not sure…” Isabella replied, pursing her lips in thought. “I’ve been thinking about it, but I can play tons of instruments! I’m not sure how to choose just one.”

“Same here!!” Phineas agreed. “There’s so many great options to choose from! Only playing a couple of guitars or something for our performance would be boring.”

“Wait…..” Isabella’s eyes lit up with inspiration for the second time that day. “....what if we didn’t HAVE to choose? Didn’t Candace used to use the spare room upstairs as a music room??”

“Yeah, but what does that have to do with….WAIT A MINUTE.”

“We can turn it into a recording studio!!!!” Isabella exclaimed excitedly. “And record our own accompaniment track with as many instruments as we want!!!!”

“Isabella, you’re a genius!!!!!!!” Phineas declared brightly.

“I know I am!” Isabella replied with a playful shrug. She opened her laptop and pulled up a music notation website. “Shall we get started on an arrangement then?”

“Yes, yes we shall!!”

...

The next few days passed by in a flurry of productivity. Isabella and Phineas divided their time between their own individual commitments, working on plans for and leading the construction of Danville High’s new Football X7 stadium, and working on arranging and recording the instrumental track for their project. Now, it was Friday, and they were headed to school to unveil the newly-completed Football X7 stadium and play the ultimate game of football—er, soccer. Ferb walked beside them, listening amusedly as they argued over who would emerge the victor in the evening’s match.

“My team’s totally going to win,” Isabella gloated. “We’re literally the SOCCER team. How could we lose a soccer match?”

“You forget, our team developed the blueprints for the stadium!!” Phineas replied matter-of-factly. “We have the technical know-how. AND, we have Ferb!!”

The two brothers exchanged a fist bump.

Isabella rolled her eyes with a grin. “Yeah, yeah, talk all you want. You’re so gonna lose.”

“No, YOU’RE gonna lose.”

“YOU ARE.”

“NO YOU.”

“I’M going to lose my appetite if you two keep flirting with each other,” Ferb chimed in.

Phineas and Isabella exchanged flabbergasted glances before shooting identical glares at him.

“FERB!!!”

“We are NOT flirting!!”

“Right!! We’re not!!!”

“That was just...friendly trash-talk!!!!”

“Yeah!!!!!!”

Ferb rolled his eyes with a smirk. “Whatever you say!” he conceded.

Phineas and Isabella eyed each other before frantically looking in opposite directions, both trying to hide their burning faces.

…..they hadn’t actually been flirting, right? Ferb was just messing with them...right??

The direction Phineas chose to look happened to line up with where Ferb stood. “....why do you hate me?” he mouthed, a steely look in his eyes.

Ferb just shrugged cheekily, pretending he didn’t understand his brother’s retort.

Someday, Phineas and Isabella would understand he did these things because he loved them.

(And because they loved each other but were really bad at figuring it out.)

...

After a rousing opening ceremony, the Football X7 match between the soccer and robotics teams was underway!!!!

(There wasn’t much room for seating within the stadium itself—the only non-athletic space inside was a small observation deck suspended in its middle—so any onlookers were allowed to sit and watch the match on a screen set up outside.)

So far, Isabella’s prediction had proven true: the soccer team had a few points on the robotics team! She grinned from her position guarding her team’s goal, eyeing the trajectory of the ball as the players kicked it around the stadium. She had a great view of the action from here, since the goals were elevated!!

Though Isabella didn’t think he’d played in years, Phineas was still pretty good at soccer. He kept up with the rest of the players easily and even managed to move the ball a few times!

(She was a better player than him, of course. That went without being said. But he was still pretty good.)

Isabella moved from foot to foot impatiently: she wanted the first period of the game to end. Playing goalie was definitely fun, but she was ready to run along the ceiling!! Kick the ball!! Really get her legs moving!!! Run next to Phineas and maybe trash-talk him some more!!!

And then, towards the bottom of the stadium, an enthusiastic member of the robotics team kicked the ball a bit too hard...and it crashed directly into Phineas’s head.

Phineas crumbled to the ground.

And Isabella didn’t need to wait for the next period to start running anymore.

“PHINEAS!!!!” Isabella leapt off the goal, sprinted down the nearest wall, and frantically ran to where Phineas lay before kneeling next to him on the ground. “Phineas, are you okay?? Can you hear me??”

Phineas groaned, but he didn’t open his eyes.  

Ferb crouched opposite Isabella at his brother’s side. “He got hit pretty hard….” he voiced quietly, an unfamiliar edge of worry in his tone.

“Oh no!!! I’m so sorry!!!!!” The aforementioned enthusiastic player took a hesitant step towards the three of them before burying his head in his hands. “It was an accident!!!”

“It’s okay, these things happen,” Isabella replied, though she wasn’t really paying attention to him.

She looked up at Ferb and said, “When I was younger, I earned a Concussion First Aid patch. Hopefully Phineas doesn’t have one...but, if he does, I can help.”

She took a shaky breath and tried to stay calm.

Phineas was going to be okay. He had to be.

She’d make sure of it.

...

Phineas blinked slowly as reality gradually returned to him. The world was a blur, and a dull pain throbbed in the back of his skull. He could only make out the green haze of the Football X7 stadium all around him, and the green haze of Ferb’s hair to his right….and Isabella. She hovered right above him. She was smiling at him.

Gosh, she was beautiful.

Isabella couldn’t hide the relieved grin that unfolded over her face as Phineas opened his eyes. “Is your head okay, Phineas?” she asked gently. “You got hit with the ball. Do you remember that?”

“I...think I remember…” Phineas managed to say. “And...my head’s fine...”

Sure, his head hurt, but he was alright. He’d never been better, actually, because Isabella was right here, gazing at him kindly and looking as pretty as ever. He smiled softly before reaching out to gently brush a strand of hair that had escaped her ponytail behind her ear.

“I’m still seeing stars, though.”

Isabella’s breath caught, and her face—already slightly pink from playing soccer for the past half hour—flushed crimson.

...had Phineas just tenderly brushed the hair from her face and said he was seeing stars while looking at her?

…..or was this another daydream?

……..it was probably a daydream.

“Now is NOT the time to go to Phineasland!!!” Isabella told herself sternly. “Phineas might need your help!!!”

She needed to be completely focused right now. Not lost in an ill-timed fantasy!!!

“Ok, I’m going to take him up to the observation deck to make sure everything’s alright!!!” Isabella announced loudly. She looked at Ferb. “I’ll take care of Phineas, you hold down the fort here.”

…why was Ferb smirking at her?

…..he could probably tell she’d been in Phineasland.

This was so embarrassing.

“Alright, Phineas! Ready to go?”

“...I think so.”

Isabella slowly helped Phineas to his feet and, together, they walked towards the elevator that led to the observation deck. She’d be able to assess any damage more thoroughly up there—and give herself time to refocus on the way up.

(She couldn’t BELIEVE she was daydreaming about Phineas at a time like this, when she needed to be level-headed for his sake. It was absurd. It was MORTIFYING.)

Phineas didn’t say anything: his head was still a little fuzzy. But he was more than glad to follow Isabella wherever she went. He’d follow her anywhere.

The remaining students exchanged apprehensive glances as Isabella and Phineas disappeared into the elevator.

“Do you think he’ll be okay?” someone asked.

“He’ll be fine,” Ferb assured them with a smile. “He’s in good hands. We can keep playing for now and check on him later.”

Another student chuckled behind her hands. “So like….are they dating or something?” she asked.

Phineas’s “seeing stars” comment—and Isabella’s reaction to it—had been hard to miss.

“Unfortunately, they are not,” Ferb replied. “But who knows? That could change soon.”

...

Phineas regained his bearings on the way up to the observation deck. He’d been a little out of it when he first woke up, but the fog in his head was finally clearing.

And here, beside Isabella in the elevator, he was having a bit of a crisis as he remembered the events of a minute ago.

“ .....did I tenderly brush the hair from Isabella’s face and say I was seeing stars while looking at her??

“….oh my gosh. I tenderly brushed the hair from Isabella’s face and said I was seeing stars while looking at her.

“. ...this is so embarrassing. ”

Maybe Isabella understood he’d been out of it. Maybe she wouldn’t ask him to explain why he’d done what he had.

…..maybe Phineas should stop thinking about this before she noticed he was blushing.

“Alright, here we are!” Isabella announced as the elevator stopped. She took Phineas’s hand (and Phineas blushed even harder) and guided him to sit in a chair near the wrap-around window overlooking the stadium. “How does your head feel now?”

“Not as bad as it did when I first woke up, I guess…” Phineas replied. “But it still hurts a little.”

“Are you nauseous?” Isabella asked.

“No.”

“Dizzy? Fatigued?”

“Not really, no.”

“Do you remember what happened right before and after you got hit?”

It took Phineas a second to think of a suitable response to that question.

“.....yes? I was running before I got hit and fell down, and then...I opened my eyes and talked to you.”

Isabella nodded, seemingly satisfied with his answer. “Okay, you probably don’t have a concussion. But if you start feeling weird tomorrow or the next day, you should probably see a doctor. Just in case.” She examined the back of his head. “You’re definitely going to have a gnarly bruise back here. Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine,” Phineas replied. “That’s a part of the game, you know?”

“Yeah, it is….” Isabella agreed, finally taking a seat beside him. “I’ve been knocked in the head with a soccer ball at LEAST three times. It builds character.” She chuckled before tilting her head at Phineas with a gentle smile and quietly voicing, “...I’m really glad you’re okay…”

“How could I not be okay?” Phineas said. He grinned. “I’ve got you to take care of me!”

Isabella rubbed the back of her neck with a shy smile. “I’m just doing my former Fireside Girl thing, that’s all!”

“...so, now that you know I’m alright, are you gonna go back down there?” Phineas asked. “I think I’m done with Football X7 for today, but you can still play!”

(He didn’t WANT Isabella to leave, of course. But he didn’t want to keep her from playing, either.)

Isabella didn’t need time to consider her answer. “Nah, I’d rather stay here with you. I can’t leave you up here all by yourself! And we’ve got a great view of the match...so we’ll both be able to see it when the soccer team wins!!”

“You mean when the ROBOTICS team wins,” Phineas stated matter-of-factly.

They held tense eye contact for a moment before bursting into laughter.

It felt so good to laugh together.

Isabella’s smile faded a bit as she looked out over the stadium. “....we should have built this for Danville High years ago….” she mused, a hint of melancholy coloring her voice. “Maybe if we’d hung out more when we first started high school…if I hadn’t been so busy...” She winced, unsure if she should be hinting at this to Phineas at all.

After all, SHE was the reason they’d drifted apart in the first place. It was her fault they hadn’t thought to build something together for their peers until a month before their graduation...her fault they’d missed out on years of spending time together.

“Hey.” Phineas placed a hand on Isabella’s shoulder and squeezed it gently, unwilling to let her stay sad.  “The important thing is that it’s built now, no matter how long it took.

“And, we’re hanging out again!” He smiled softly at her. “...we’re going to keep hanging out from now on, right?”

“Definitely!” Isabella agreed with a grin.  

Phineas always knew just what to say to cheer her up.

...

Isabella and Phineas watched the rest of the match unfold from their seats. The soccer team remained in the lead for the rest of the game, much to Isabella’s delight (and Phineas’s chagrin). At last, the game ended, and Isabella shot up from her chair with a shriek of joy.

“WE WON!!!!!!!!! I told you we’d win and WE DID!!!!! WOOOOO!!!!!!!! Who was right??? ME!!”

She plopped back into the chair with a contented sigh.

Phineas frowned and pouted.

“....ok, you know what, you don’t have to rub it in.”

They were so busy reacting to the outcome of the match, they didn’t hear a third party enter the observation deck.

“I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

Ferb exited the elevator and strode over to where they sat.

And Phineas and Isabella blushed and pretended they hadn’t heard what he said.

“Nice playing out there, Ferb!!” Phineas exclaimed. (He was eager to change the subject). “Even though we lost. You looked great!”

“Thanks! How’s his head, Isabella?” Ferb asked.

“It looks alright!!” Isabella replied with a smile. “I think he’s just going to have a bad bruise.”

Ferb patted his brother on the shoulder. “I think he’ll survive that. Nothing can keep this guy down.”

Phineas grinned. “How’s the stadium holding up down there?”

“It’s holding up well!” Ferb replied. “I did think of ONE modification we could add, though.”

“You did? What is it?”

“A skylight.”

Isabella and Phineas both cocked their heads at Ferb, momentarily confused.

“...not that that’s a bad idea, but why do you want to add a skylight?” Phineas voiced. “Wouldn’t that get in the way of the players’ mobility?”

“Perhaps, but it would make the stadium feel less enclosed, let the players see the sun and clouds during the day and the stars at night.” Ferb explained. He rubbed his chin pensively. “Although…

“I suppose you didn’t need a skylight to see stars earlier....right, Phineas?”

Isabella’s heart practically leapt out of her chest.

“. ...did he just say Phineas didn’t need a skylight to see stars earlier? But...if Ferb said that...then that means….Phineas actually tenderly brushed the hair from my face and said he was seeing stars while looking at me?? That was real????”

Phineas didn’t condone acts of violence.

…..but at this point Ferb was ASKING to be pushed. Or shoved. Or pummeled with an entire arms’ worth of pillows.

“FERB!!!! I was out of it when I said that, okay???” Phineas exclaimed, trying to save face as best he could (and failing, because his face was beet red). “I didn’t know what I was saying!!!”

“....Phineas actually tenderly brushed the hair from my face and said he was seeing stars while looking at me. That was real. Oh my gosh. Ohhhh my gosh. Ohhhhh mY GOSH.”

Phineas dared a glance at Isabella and winced because she was staring at him with wide eyes.

Perhaps she’d forgotten about the “seeing stars” incident until Ferb reminded her of it, and now she was remembering just how weird it had been. She was probably embarrassed. PHINEAS was certainly embarrassed.

…..for the second time that day, he wondered why Ferb hated him.

“Isabella...I’m sorry….” Phineas rubbed the back of his neck, desperate to move past this awkward hurdle and pretend it hadn’t happened at all. “I honestly don’t know what came over me down there, my head was so fuzzy after I got hit. Whatever I said, I didn’t mean it.”

Waaaaait that didn’t sound right.

“I MEAN. Not that you aren’t as beautiful as the stars! Which is what I meant! You are!! I meant that!! That’s true!!! But—I just—"

He was making it worse.

He needed to stop.

“......maybe I hit my head harder than I thought.”

At this point, Ferb deduced the situation had escalated too far for Phineas to handle it alone. It was time for some damage control.

“Alright, Phineas. I think we should head home. You should probably get some sleep.” He nudged Phineas out of his chair. “Isabella, are you walking with us?”

Isabella nodded numbly as she stood. She didn’t trust herself to speak at the moment.

“ .....PHINEAS THINKS I’M BEAUTIFUL?!??!?!??!”

...

The walk home was quiet.

Ferb didn’t usually talk much, so said quiet wasn’t unusual on his end.

But Phineas and Isabella weren’t saying much either. Which was very unusual.

Ferb knew he was probably to blame for that. So he’d decided to give the teasing a rest for the night.

When they arrived in front of Isabella’s house, Ferb said goodbye to her before taking his leave and crossing the street.

(He wasn’t sure whether or not she and Phineas wanted to talk alone, but he wanted to give them space in case they did.)

“So! Uh…” Phineas rubbed the back of his neck. He and Isabella hadn’t really spoken since they left the Football X7 stadium. “Do you want to come over and put the finishing touches on our song tomorrow?”

Isabella blinked and nodded. In all the commotion of the past couple of hours, she’d nearly forgotten about the project. “Yeah, yeah...we should probably do that....we don’t want to put it off until Sunday.”

“Alright. I guess, uh...I guess I’ll text you tomorrow. And then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“That sounds good. ...I’ll see you then.”

Isabella didn’t look at him as she said goodbye. Her eyes were instead cast upward at the sky and illuminated with starlight.

“....they really are beautiful, aren’t they?” she whispered softly.

Phineas followed her gaze...and his heart stuttered when he realized what she must have been thinking about (and when he realized she didn’t sound embarrassed or flustered at all but rather...somewhat awestruck).

A few seconds ambled by.

Phineas bit his lip and steeled his courage...and then reached out for Isabella’s hand.

“.....they sure are…” he agreed.

Except he wasn’t looking at the sky anymore.

Isabella glanced down at their hands, and then up at Phineas...who was already gazing at her.

Her pulse quickened.

“And...you’re beautiful too…” Phineas whispered gently. “Inside and out….”

He leaned in and pressed a tender kiss to her cheek.

“Thanks for taking care of me earlier. Goodnight, Isabella.”

(Isabella had given him a thank-you kiss a few days ago, after all. If she asked, Phineas could say he was simply returning the favor.)

Isabella couldn’t move. She could barely even stand. Her knees were going to give out any second now.

She watched as Phineas crossed the street, as he made it to his front door, as he waved at her.

She should probably go open her own door.

But she couldn’t move.

Her stomach was in knots and her head was spinning and her heart was pounding so loudly the entire neighborhood could probably hear it.

….she wasn’t in Phineasland again, was she?

She blinked and shook her head, just to be sure.

The rosy warmth on her cheek didn’t fade away. Phineas’s words still echoed clear as day in her mind.

That kiss had been real. His words had been real.

Phineas had said she was beautiful. Twice.

Phineas had kissed her.

…Phineas was still standing outside, waiting for her to go inside.

Somehow, Isabella managed to make it to her front door and open it. Phineas waved in her direction again before shutting his own door (and subsequently melting into a puddle in the foyer, though Isabella had no way of knowing that last bit).

She gazed out across the street and then up at the stars for a few moments as a tentative grin blossomed over her face.

Isabella wasn’t sure what tomorrow would bring...but after tonight, she had a pretty good feeling about it.

“....goodnight, Phineas.”

Ferb chuckled as he stared down at his brother, who lay sprawled out in the middle of the foyer with a lovestruck grin on his face.

“I take it things went well out there?”

Phineas beamed.

“...yes, yes they did.”

...

Thanks so much for reading, and thanks as always to @youruinedmylifebynotbeingreal for being a lovely beta!!!! 

I posted doodles of a few scenes (you can probably guess which ones, lol) for this chapteron my blog if you’d like to check them out!! 

(also @dragonairice drew an AMAZING digital version of the “I suppose you didn’t need a skylight to see stars” scene that you can find here!! pls go check it out, it’s fantastic!!!!) 

Thanks so much for reading, and I’ll see you soonish for chapter 6! It’s gonna be a good one!!! ;D

(also, if there are any music theorists reading this, pls don't hate me for the barebones theory lesson at the beginning of the chapter. I tried to explain dominant and tonic chords as simply as I could, but I know there is a lot more to them than what I wrote! LOL)

[imbellarosa]

So you think Harry’s and Louis’ album are connected?

I think there is every chance of that! You don’t accidentally reference someone else’s songs (someone you know really well, at that!) multiple times throughout your album (even songs that didn’t end up on the album, at that). Every other piece of analysis under the cut, but this is my tldr haha.

I think that the fact that their albums are both 12 track albums with a sort of “breaking point” or “climax” in the sixth track which says- on both sides- that they feel more vulnerable, that they feel sad, they feel more mature, and that they feel more ready to talk about it is....not a coincidence. Or maybe that one is, but if you add that to all of the other lyrical convos these albums are having. I covered a lot of these lyrical parallels in another ask, so I won’t go through them all again, I’m just going to add some new ones (because ofc there’s more).

An older one, but one worth’s mentioning: Golden (track 1 on Fine Line) says “You're so golden/You're so golden/I'm out of my head/And I know that you're scared/Because hearts get broken” and “Just Like You” (released 2017, right after “Always You” was teased) says “Every heart breaks the same/Every tear leaves a stain/Can I just be the same?”. Like - that’s a conversation that people have ALL THE TIME. One person wants to be normal and doesn’t want to hurt and the other person says “I know you’re afraid but you’re so special”.

And I’m going to use golden one last time, because I think it like. Sets the scene for Fine Line. His super secret verse says something like “...I’m hoping that one day you (he?) could be (will be?) open/And I know that you’re scared because I’m so open” and Fearless says “Tell me the truth, tell me, do you still remember feelin' young/And strong enough to get it wrong in front of all these people?”. And L has said he wrote that song about himself, so it’s still two songs asking one person if they can be strong enough to open up.

Then there’s “Adore You”, which says that he’ll “walk through fire for you/Just let me adore you” and Only the Brave says that “[his love is] a church of burnt romances/And I’m too far gone to pray/it’s a solo song/and it’s only for the brave”. I can’t make this up. Like actually. I couldn’t make this stuff up.

And those are just the parallels. After you listen to those, you turn to the narrative of the album. Fine line is split into four sides: “A” “B” “C” and “D”, with Side A being about falling in love for the first time and thinking that could be enough, those butterflies and the fun times and all the love, but it ends with Lights Up that says “all the lights couldn’t put out the dark/running through my heart/lights up and they know who you are/do you know who you are?”. So as it turns out, if you’re not on the same page, love isn’t enough. There has to be communication, and a similar expectation of honesty (to bring it back to golden Im so sorry I love that song).

Side B is the sad side. It’s loss and grief and misery. It’s losing someone you love and then losing someone for real, and then realizing that you’re not as badass as you thought you were and you want to go home, but you also made a mistake (which, To Be So Lonely does a great job of setting “home” up as a person rather than a place, so when he references it again in Canyon Moon, you can think of home as the person he’s talking about). Anyways back to side B. Now, instead of blaming the other person, he can admit that he also made a mistake (or several), and own up to it. Side B ends with “She” which, imo is one of the trippiest songs on the album, and also one of the most complex. I think there are multiple characters involved, and the speaker isn’t like. The main character. But I think, in the end, it’s characteristic of loneliness and grief and loss and a realization. And that realization ends this side.

So Side C starts with all of the work on himself mostly done (I do love that “work” in both of these albums is never over. You work through the bad times, and then you keep working so you don’t get caught in it again.) Side C is the “I’m coming back to us” side. He gets back in touch with the person he loves in Sunflower Vol. 6, ( at the beginning he’s like “I’ve been trying hard not to talk to you”, but by the end, “ Your flowers just died/Plant new seeds in the melody/Let me inside, I wanna get to know you”, they’re getting to know each other again, as the new people they are, after they had to walk away for a bit). This is followed up up by Canyon Moon, in which he’s going home, so they fixed it, apparently. That idea of rekindling is confirmed in “Treat People With Kindness” when he says “ Givin' second chances/I don't need all the answers/Feelin' good in my skin/I just keep on dancin'”. This is SUPER cool, because by this point in the album, he’s matured enough to know that he’s okay with not knowing why about everything. He’s no longer asking his partner to be more open, because he feels good about himself and that’s all he needs, and so if he’s okay, then they’re okay. 

Side D is just Fine Line, the six minute reflection song which ends with “we’ll be alright”. And by that time, I believe it. 

On to Walls! Walls is split into two six track sides, “A” and “B”. This album, in my mind, is less of a cohesive narrative, and more like snapshots of moments, feelings, and conversations, which give you a picture of what he’s been through. I think it’s also a bit more difficult to stack this up because I don’t really know when songs were written. I think “Walls” and “Only the Brave” might have been the last two written, along with “We Made It”? Maybe? But I’m going to try anyways. 

Side A is a younger feel. It touches on how he needs the person he’s singing about ( “I don’t know what I’d do without you now!”). It talks about how they made it, and there won’t be any more hard times, it talks about outside events, and sets that scene. The other person lost someone (outside of the relationship), as is outlined in “Don’t Let it Break Your Heart” and he lost his mom ( “Two of Us”, which makes me cry every time). And around track 5 ( “Too Young”), he’s ready to sit down and have a conversation, and the other person agreed to it, after two years apart. And I think the rest of the album really outlines all of the things he needed the other person to understand.

He admits that he’d had his walls up, and that he realizes what that’s cost him. He tells the other person that he appreciates being given time and space to put himself back together, but he’s ready to go back to them because the other person makes him better, he explains that he did his very best to move on, but he couldn’t, because he carried them everywhere he went, and he says that he’s going to try and be more open ( “Now if happiness is always measured/ By the life you design, that car on the drive /Then you should feel better than ever/But you know as well as I, it's all lies/..../ Just for tonight, look inside and spark that memory of you/Strong enough to get it wrong in front of all these people”). 

And then it sort of seems like they’re back together by Perfect Now, but his partner is...a bit insecure about where they stand, and he’s trying to say that he’s in it, that the partner (he didn’t use genders in is songs, so I’m not going to either, sorry if this ends up confusing haha) is beautiful the way they are, that they should embrace it, and if his partner wanted him to, he’d tell the truth (and what a line that is: “You never do/ but if you asked me to/ I’d tell the truth/ lying next to you/ ‘cause you’re the only one/ when it’s said and done”). It always comes back to the idea of openness and telling the truth. 

The last two songs are “Defenseless” and “Only the Brave” which are my favorite two on the album. I think “Defenseless” gives a good snapshot of where the relationship is - they’re together, but it’s hard sometimes, and they still have the same problems sometimes (because things don’t magically go away), but he loves the other person, and the other person loves him, and so he’s going to be vulnerable. And Only the Brave, which talks about how scary it can be, for some people, to be brave, but it’s worth it, for him, because he found the right person ( ( “come on, when you know/ you know”). I think this song has a lot of symbolism and imagery that makes it a very pointed and poignant song, but it also finishes the album in the same way Fine Line does. They’re okay. They’ll be okay. (They being both the artist and the relationship they’re singing about)   I think that the narratives are remarkably similar in events an themes even if they’re told in different styles: Fine Line is more of a complete story, beginning to end, and Walls is more of a conversation. He’s talking to someone directly, rather than about someone. But ultimately, like. These two grew up together. It’s not like I picked out two random albums from people who don’t know each other and was like “these two! same thing!” and if it was, that would be plagiarism. They know each other, and they probably write together sometimes. I know that they have different managements, but they’ve worked with similar writers/directors/producers, right? They run in the same circles? So when two people who have known each other well for a while write albums that end up being lyrically and thematically similar, and they both cover the same story and the same ground, the most obvious conclusion is that they’re connected. 

[btsandvmin]

The Vmin Christmas song

I have obviously talked about the song Tae showed us last year before (and some of the reasons why I think they might not have been allowed to sing the song together), but I do want to make an update about this and actually go into some things a little bit more after Tae’s recent vlive where he brought it up again. Some of the things in this post might sound a bit delulu but this really isn’t to prove that Vmin is real.

You can say what you will about Vmin, but to me it’s clear Tae wants this song with Jimin, and I will tell you why in this post.

So Taehyung himself talked about and played the Christmas song again in his vlive (It's been forever, too) on 14th of december 2019. 

I recommend you read my post Big Hit, BTS, Vmin and LGBT before this, but otherwise a small recap is that on oct 5th last year Tae opened up and talked about a Christmas song he wrote, he showed it to us and told us how he originally wanted to sing it with Jimin. But that the producer said the song wouldn’t fit for two men due to the lyrics, basically acting homophobic and denying Tae to make the song how he originally envisioned, which is him singing it together with Jimin.

I will bring up some things I have talked about in my huge Vmin song analysis Vmin - Scenery, Promise and song connections, so if you want to know more about why I think the way I do regarding some of the things I will talk about in this post you can also check that out. But mostly I will in this post focus on the new vlive and Taehyung’s feelings.

The lyrics of the song are the following:

As you see it’s a very sweet song, but as with many others I personally don’t see much of a reason why Tae can’t sing this song with Jimin like he clearly wants to. Especially considering numerous other examples of members singing romantic lyrics together without it being any problem (NJ and JK with Fools, TH and SJ with Even if I die it’s you, JK and JM with We don’t talk anymore and several other examples). Even Vmin’s own graduation song has some lyrics that seem more romantic than this. It’s likely because this is Taehyung’s own personal song that he has written himself, but still. (Read more in my post Big Hit, BTS, Vmin and LGBT)

However, I want to point out again that we do not know the full story of how and why the producer thought singing the song as a male x male was a bad idea. So I do not think we should just blame or get angry when we don’t really know the context behind it. That being said, it makes me sad. And even more so seeing how Tae brings it up one more time and talks about it again. He also said “Christmas song of ours” and not “mine” which could indicate he too sees it as something not only his own. But who knows. At least him saying it like that makes us know it’s a song he has showed before and that he clearly remembers showing it before. He knows people know about it.

Anyways, first of all I want to say that it does seem that Tae is quite upset that he wasn’t allowed to sing this song with Jimin. Just looking at his reaction in this new vlive as well as in the one from last year that is just the way he comes across. I recommend watching both vlives to get the full context and come to your own conclusion.

Here is also some of the translations for when he talked about it this time. The thing is that I have seen different translations so I am not sure which one is more accurate. Because they give off very different feelings. But I am inclined to think the one on the official vlive is incorrect as I have seen various accounts point out what Taehyung said, also in combination with his mannerism and the few words of Korean I do understand.

The two main differences about the translations is that in the official one there is no specific mention of it being made as a male/female song and that Taehyung says he definitely wants to release it, while in the fan translations it seem more like he isn’t very enthusiastic about finishing the song and only “might” release it.

So in one translation he really seems like he want to release the song while in the other he seems a bit more reluctant and saying “If I ever finish it” and other things that imply that he is not as enthusiastic about it anymore.

But for me I think it’s more likely that he feels less happy about it and it’s more like he probably won’t release it, but if he does he will release it as a gift for ARMY. My personal belief is that he is sad that he doesn’t get to sing it with Jimin and that’s also why he doesn’t really feel like finishing it. My reasoning behind this is because: 

1. Last year when he talked about the song he already said he probably won’t release it.

2. In this new vlive he brought up his feelings about finishing it in combination with hesitation and kinda shaking his head in a way that to me indicates he isn’t too happy. Actually in general he just looks and acts pretty sad in both vlives when talking about it.

3. The song is the exact same as last year meaning he hasn’t worked on it at all since last time. He also started writing the song in 2017, so if he really wanted to finish it he has had plenty of opportunity to do so.

Basically in general there doesn’t seem to be much that motivates him to finish this song anymore. 

Here is a small bit of what he said the first time he mentioned the song, but I really suggest watching the vlive for yourself and checking out my other posts about it for more details.

This is a song he started writing over two years ago, but he still has the song on his phone. This to me makes it seem like he actually really likes this song and is proud of it. He also showed it twice now, which also indicates it’s something he is pretty happy with. So, the problem seem to be something else rather than the song itself. And to me I think that is that he doesn’t get to sing it with Jimin.

He did not mention Jimin specifically this time, but if I am to trust the fan translation then he did specifically mention it as a male/female duet, which is why I think that is the main problem Taehyung has with it. He brought it up specifically which means it probably matters, it makes a difference to him. Maybe he simply brought it up because it’s close to Christmas, but he could have showed any song, it didn’t have to be one of his own or one that is unfinished. It was just requested that he play one that won’t have copyright issues.

Something else that I think indicates he really wanted the song to be with Jimin is the fact that he talks about it being a duet despite the lyrics not really having to be one. At least personally I don’t think the song seem like it has to be a duet at all, there are no clear indications (at least not in the translation) that it is sung from two different perspectives. If Tae wanted to I think he could have sung it alone as well. But even though the lyrics doesn’t seem to hint at a duet, it still is one, and that makes me think that Taehyung envisioned this as a piece for him and Jimin to sing together from the start.

I also think it’s possible that he wrote the song with Jimin in mind as the lyrics fit very well with how Taehyung has spoken about Jimin’s smile and a lot of other things that seem to indicate that he writes songs in some kind of relation to Jimin. (Look at my other song analysis for more on this.)

Taehyung also uses the word shine in regards to Jimin quite often.

The lyrics of all of Taehyung’s songs could possibly link to Jimin in various ways, and if you want to know why I think that is possible check out my other song analysis Vmin - Scenery, Promise and song connections and Vmin - Winter Bear analysis. But looking at the Christmas song lyrics the fact that he talks about someone’s smile and also wanting an end to “winter” and shining brighter than the stars (or in 4 o’clock the moon) these things can all in different ways connect back to his other songs and Jimin. There are both some recurring themes as well as Jimin being mentioned in regards to several of Tae’s songs and him fitting the descriptions used in the songs with how Taehyung speaks about him.

Jimin is Taehyung’s star, sun and moon. He shines and is the brightest happiness and Taehyung’s source of light.

(Taehyung has literally described Jimin as a sun)  

He really really wants to sing a Christmas song with Jimin, but likely it will never happen. It seems to mean a lot to him because he brings it up and even specifically lets us know he wanted it to be Jimin, but they thought it was unfitting for two men to sing such romantic lyrics.

Basically he really wanted to sing it with Jimin, but since he can’t he has lost the enthusiasm to complete the song. That’s what it looks like to me. You might think otherwise and that’s fine. For me I am more sad for Taehyung’s sake than my own, even though a Vmin Christmas song would have been lovely.

Who knows, maybe one day, it seems Taehyung might still keep trying to make songs and it seems like it’s possible he will also keep making them somehow in relation to Jimin if we look at his past songs.

I think (if I go a bit delulu) that Taehyung really want to make Jimin’s wish for a Christmas gift come true. 

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed. Despite the rather sad content of this post I want to wish you all Happy Holidays! At least we know Taehyung really wanted to sing this with Jimin and that the love Vmin have for each other is real and strong.

Happy Christmas! I purple you! :) <3

[whereconfusionisarhyme]

First Reactions To Logan’s Playlist

K first song let’s do this

White and Nerdy-Weird Al Yankovic

Wtf this song was definitely Joan’s idea I mean who else would think of ‘White and Nerdy’ for Logan

Is this like canon he listens to this stuff or like songs about him???

Not Perfect-Tim Minchin

TIM MINCHIN

Bo Burnham better be on Logan's playlist

#deep

Is this about the mindpalace/inside of Thomas’ head??? Cause like???? Ouch???? I think????

Lol nvm it’s not sad lmao

I take back my take back it is sad

So this could be literally “in his mind” or it could be figurative and it’s really messing with my funky flow

Streaks-ANIMA!

Cool instrumental

Love the voice sounds a little like MARINA and Regina Spektor

Oh no I’m two lines in and I can tell it’s gonna be sad

OH NO CONFORMITY RELATED ANGST AHHHHH

Wow Logan is just out here being relatable isn’t he smh 😔👊

"Cause you're a smart kid, but you're still a kid" LOGAN REALLY BE OUT HERE BEING RELATABLE ON MAIN

The Elements-Tom Lehrer

Sounds like what piano class would sound like if I took piano class

Something you would listen to in science class

Bop

Medicine-STRFCKR

A Fever You Can't Sweat Out vibes

Lmao nvm

Gonna go look up the lyrics rn brb

A sad bop

Philosophy cool

Human-Tank And The Bangas

Logan playing this to comfort himself because this singer is the only person who has ever told him this

WHO HURT LOGAN WITH THEIR WORDS

LOGAN THE HEART SKIPPING COMMENT ARE YOU OKAY IM GIVING YOU A HUG

GUYS LOGAN IS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF THAT HE MATTERS IM NOT OKAY

Last???? Relationship???

Okay I'm not a shipper BUT my theorist analysis obsessed brain is just SCREAMING about Roman and Patton

Observation: Logan is probably atheistic and this song covers God a lot. I don't have a conclusion or anything just pointing that out

This woman do be calming tho like yes I'm beautiful yes I'm special thank you

Okay so I already knew Logan wasn't okay but he 100% isn't okay

Fittet Happier-Radiohead

K two words in and I can tell this is gonna be sad here we go

Employees? Or maybe…other sides?

Minor key ok

SELF HARM ISNT OKAY

"WILL NOT CRY IN PUBLIC" NONONONO

So I heard of a good therapist just downtown-

The Watchtower-The Dø

I paused it cause I need a second after the last one

Guys as someone who dissosiates a lot I think Logan might be dissosiating

Dissosiating to protect himself from his emotions

Y'all just trust me in this one

Coming for the TØP brand I see

K ready to start again here we go

Fire beat I'm vibing with it

Is he trying to distance himself from his emotions to try and perform his tasks better like watching from a Watchtower???

This is the first character I've seen that might dissosiate which only means one thing

I'm gonna be projecting an unholy amount in my fanfiction

"No one in particular" hon who hurt you

City Lights=Emotions (which he considers distractions)??? Maybe??

I'm a William Finn fan come on this isn't my first rodeo

Art Is Dead-Bo Burnham

BO BURNHAM I WAS RIGHT

We all love some good Imposter Syndrome (tm)! :D

This gives Learning New Things About Ourselves' a whole new meaning

Ngl this is the first time I heard the degrading of the piano at the end and I'm here for it

In My Mind-Amanda Palmer

Oop we LOVE setting up impossible expectations for yourself to the point you have a cripplingly horrid self esteem! :D

Logan I've done this before and trust me it isn't worth it the mental breakdowns are too taxing

I'll do it when I'm older=I'm never gonna get around to it

I don't wanna be the person I wanna be either

Why do I perfectly understand every lyric am I ok

Live!!! While you!!!! Can!!!!

At least there's a happy ending

Okay so I've decided that once I'm done I'm gonna make a list of songs I think would fit in the playlist

Algorythym-Childish Gambino

K its spelled incorrectly get ready for some metaphors my dudes

Intro is cool definitely very very Logan WOAH OKAY CHAIN SMOKER

Gonna go look up lyrics I don't understand shit

The chorus sounds like Thanksgiving at my Aunt's house where like 100+ African American relatives blast house music and dance until their feet falls off

Nvm no it doesn't

GO OFF

ELPHABA BETTER WATCH OUT CHILDISH GAMBINO IS COMING FOR YOUR BELT

Adlibs are everything

Letter C-Zach Sherwin

This gives off the same vibes as that one pickle video by Charlie Puth

Roman vs Logan rap battle but it's this

I don't really see why this is related but sure

Time Adventure-The Marcus Hedgehog

Nostalgiaaaaaa

Okay Logan has too many songs talking about one (1) person who is it

I have a gut feeling that it's about Thomas and how Logan used to be enough "back then" but now he thinks he's not cause like let's be honest when was the last time someone gave Logan a strong sincere thank you for all that he does????Excluding DWIT (which doesn't really count in my opinion cause they said he was cool, not like an integral and arguably the most important and powerful side) nobody really appreciates Logan???? Hugs???

Anyway plz ignore this is just how my brain works

K next song

The Breach-clipping.

OKAY SLOW DOWN IM GONNA LOOK UP LYRICS

Is this Daveed Diggs???? I haven't listened to Hamilton in like forever is this Daveed Diggs???

LITERALLY PERFECY PARRALLEL TO LOGAN AND THE SIDES

Sound effects

Really just gonna fry my eardrums like that huh

What I Do For U-Ra Ra Riot

Okay scrap anything and everything I said about it being the sides Logan is 100% talking about Character!Thomas

Erase Me-Ben Folds Five

Ooh this intro reminds me of this one particular musical songs but I don't remember which one

Wait have I listened to this before????

I've listened to this before!

Okay I need to stop being distracted

NOOOOOO don't Erase Yourself!!!!

Logan really just do be having no Self Esteem don't he

Okay so theory: Logan didn't pop up in person in the last video because his eyes were too red from crying

I have 0 evidence so it's not a very good theory but…

Just throwing it out there

One More Time with Feeling-Regina Spektor

Oh no it's Regina Spektor

Oh no I'm gonna cry

Okay so Logan doesnt wanna block of all emotion, only permit some to show???? But most of the time block everything????

Did I get that???

Nobody!!!! Thanks!!!! Logan!!!!

Awww he just wants love and recognition

Tbh this sounds a lot like Roman they have so much in common despite their constant arguing

Galaxy Song-Monty Python

Ooh Monty Python

I haven't listened to Monty Python so I sadly don't know the context

Really just dissing all of the other sides aren't we

Can't really blame him tho

Very scientific

"Yeau~"

Sweet with dark undertones. Love it.

Equation-Hans Zimmer

Later I'm gonna check the equations if they're correct XD

Sunrise-In The Heights

!!!!!!

WHO???!!!!!

K to this is one of my favorite love songs ever it's just so sweet and as someone who's bilingual the concept is just amazingly wonderful so yeah I may be freaking out

Also because WHO??!!

Okay I said I wasn't a shipper but let's be honest this is probably about Roman not romantically but like

OR MAYBE JANUS???

IM SO CONFUSED

But Logan is definitely Nina in this situation it just fits so well with her character for the same reasons I really wanna play her (but never will cause I'm exactly 0% Latin American smh) yeah the pressures to be the smartest and then it backfiring horribly and oh God what if Inùtil is also in the playlist ahhhh

Okay moving on

Lifeboat-Heathers

WHAT

NO

NO

CONFORMITY RELATED ANGST LOGAN STOP BEING RELATABLE AHHHH

IS THIS CAPTAIN THOMAS??? THE OTHER SIDES AS A WHOLE??? AN ABSTRACT CONCEPT???

IM NOT OKAY

Bohemian Groove-Will Connolly

Okay I'm still not recovered from the last song but I need to continue or else I'm never gonna finish this playlist

Eeecccchhhhhoooo

Your friends haven't surpassed you Logan you belong with them okay????

Emptiness despite success??? Millennial who???

Vibing with it but also are you okay

Nvm I know the answer already

Hug All Ur Friends-Cavetown

Okay so Logan is a Cavetown gay noted

Self validation??? Who's she???

Lies. You care so much about what other people *sides* think about you

Maybe Logan listens to this song to remind himself to not care too much

But it doesn't work and it's getting to him more and more

Oh

That took a turn

Breathin'-Thomas Sanders

Good move

Don't really have much to say on this

The Bidding

Spoopy

Alchoholic!Logan

New idea for us fan writers

The pronunciation of beurgoise

Okay I'm like pretty certain at this point that all of the songs that mention a someone else is about Character!Thomas

A Better Version

OHMYGOD I LOVE THIS MUSICAL ITS SO UNDERRATED I HAVE LISTENED TO THE SOUNDTRACK AND UNGODLY AMOUNT OF TIMES YESSSSS

But also since I know the song in terrified cause the feels are gonna come in I just know it

Wait so is Jayce supposed to be Thomas???

I am suddenly feeling much more uncertain about my certainty

Okay let me unpause and just listen to it (even though I already know all of the lyrics)

Okay so I'm a dumbass and apparently this song isn't even part of the playlist

Okay so I'm an idiot and the last few songs have all been "related to playlist" and not in the actual playlist I'm big dumb.

Anyway here's my list of songs I think would fit. (BTW, I only went off of lyrics for these ones. I realize that there’s a general sound and vibe for the playlist, but I decided not to follow it.)

Oh No! ~ MARINA

Hug All Ur Friends ~ Cavetown

Bohemian Groove ~ Will Connolly

Guiltless ~ Dodie Clark

Lifeboat ~ Laurens O’Keefe

The Bidding ~ *idk who*

I Am Not A Robot ~ MARINA

Inútil - Lin Manuel Miranda

Through The Eyes Of A Child ~ AURORA

Community Gardens ~ The Scary Jokes

Let me know if I should do this with the other playlists as well! :)

[imagine-loki]

Mad Predictions

TITLE: Mad Predictions

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 2

AUTHOR: inspired-snowflace

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: “A freedom restrained the sun shall invoke, The gift from the plea a mother spoke, Purpose shall be bestowed upon your life, In form of one you should have called wife, A lover presumed dead shall be back, Now shall you truly pay for your attack.”

Ever since the fortune teller had spilt these words, Loki’s life was thrown into a hurricane. He dared to hope that after the attack on New York and the following arrest, things would get better, but these words seemed to point in an opposite direction.

Things would never remain the same, for better or worse.

RATING: Everyone

NOTES/WARNINGS: Just a note- Tony can be playfully annoying in this story, joking at the wrong moments, but that is only because he knows that humour would cheer you up. Otherwise, he loves you as if you were his child. Mentions of nightmares. Also, there is a description of the scars. The medical analysis is not from any reliable source. Read the next chapter early on my tumblr!!

RECAP : You are an avenger, who remembers nothing of her past. Her powers can kill painfully, but they can also heal people. When Thor brings Loki on Earth to serve for his punishments, the reader and Loki have a fight. However, you feel a connection to Loki. Loki remembers you too, but as a lover he murdered.

That night you had one of your worst nightmares. With assassinating people, nightmares came. But today, it was not ghosts haunting you. You felt as if you were falling off a cliff. No. You were being THROWN off a cliff. You could not identify the person standing in front of you in your dream. Was he the one that pushed you off? Was he there to save you? You didnt know how but you were sure of three things- first, the person was a man. Second, he had betrayed you. Third, he was filled with remorse for his actions.

“Y/N!!” you heard someone scream. But you knew it wasn’t in your dream. You woke up to see yourself completely drenched in sweat. You were shivering and the dryness of your throat had you thinking that you had been screaming your lungs off. But a look around the room, confirmed that thought. Your screams woke the avengers up. And all of them were ready as if to kill some attacker.

“Are you alright?” Clint asked.

“No!”

“It was only a dream, right?” Tony questioned with concern.

“It was! But it felt so real!! As if that had actually happened..”

Through the corner of your eye you saw a figure standing idly in your room. A figure looking at whom you wondered why he had even bothered to come here.

“What did you see?” Clint asked while handing you a water bottle.

“I…. fell off a cliff… no…. somebody pushed me off the cliff… it was a huge drop…like a 100 feet drop… I most definitely… died.” You said as the memories crashed back.

“It was so real.” You added; still shaken slightly. With an involuntary glance, you knew that Loki was looking at you with sad eyes, his shiny green emeralds upon you.

“Y/N” Nat started carefully, “By any chance do you remember whether you fell on your back or front?” her voice seemed relaxed but you knew it was urging.

“I was facing the person who pushed me off. I think I landed on my back.”

The assassin and the archer exchanged a look. Before you could say anything, the assassin added, “Do you think the scars on the back of your head are… due to being pushed off a cliff?” As a reply, you frowned. Dr. Banner checked the cracks on your head and looked grimly “They can be. A 100 feet fall you say? The closely bunched up nature tells us that the impact was absorbed by one region and the slight branching out indicates that there was just one powerful impact. So yes… what you are thinking, about it being a memory, it is possible.”

“Is that possible? A memory?” You said glancing at both Bruce and Tony.

“Yes. Often when you see certain things, certain triggers activate your subconscious to be active and instead of recalling them as memories, you recall them as dreams, or nightmares, in your case.” Bruce explained.

“Very similar to PTSD” Tony added, shooting a hot glance at Loki.

You had no idea what to think about this. A memory of the life you have lived? And that memory was being thrown off a 100 foot cliff?

“No, Y/N, that does not mean that your life was filled with trauma. It is just that the trigger reminded you of the most horrible event in your life.” Bruce said as if reading your thoughts.

“Y/N, do you want to sleep with Nat instead?” Steve questioned.

“No. I am really very sorry that I woke you all up…” you felt ashamed. “Nothing to worry about lady Y/N. Everyone has such times.” Thor reassured.

“Thank you guys.”

“And Y/N don’t worry. If anything dare disturb your sleep again, we would love to torch it to death.” Tony said with a playful wink but you knew he meant his words.

The next morning you woke up to see you room bare with none of your things in there. You rushed out to check what was happening. “Hey Y/N, you are awake!” Tony said when he saw you. When you questioned him for an explanation he replied, “Oh, well, last night you seemed pretty shaken. So we decided to shift your room. Perks- you are closer to Thor and Bruce now. But there is a disadvantage- you are now also closer to reindeer games. But don’t worry, he was threatened enough times.” After thanking him and his usual- “don’t mention it, kid”, you entered your room. Everything was placed beautifully.

However, at night you woke up at the sound of muffled up screams, only to discover that they were not coming from your throat. You opened your door to check that they were from the corner room, where Loki lived. Hesitantly at first, you went to his room to see him in a mess. His hair scattered in a circle around his head and body covered in sweat. You decided to help him for reasons unknown to your own self. You sat down and started humming many songs that you knew. Many were pop songs, but there were some that sounded like classical folklore. You seemed to know the entire tune but could not recollect the lyrics. His body seemed to calm immediately under the soothing touch of your voice. However, that meant that you will have to sing the entire night so that he could sleep. You tried using the original recordings or recordings of your voice but nothing seemed to work. He needed your and only your voice.

These late night adventures caused you to loose a lot of sleep. There were not many nightmares, for there was hardly any sleep. But the nights where there were, it was the same- falling off a cliff while the sky was painted a bright orange. This caused your dark circles to run deeper, you became lazier and generally grumpy. However, you felt happier that you were helping somebody. Loki seemed more refreshed during the day and less grumpier.

Despite the first conversation with him, Loki granted you sad meaningful looks from time to time as if he knew something. At times, it seemed like an apology. Sometimes it just felt like he KNEW that it was you behind his newfound sleep. Yet he made no efforts to talk to about the same. Despite everything, the conversations were very few, if any at all. But whenever he was with you, there was a sadness laced in his eyes.

This continued for a month or so. The other avengers seemed to notice your lack of sleep and whenever they confronted you about the same, you would come up with some silly excuse for staying up late- “Oh! I was craving some ice-cream” or “I wanted to finish this book but didn’t realise it was late”.

You weren’t exactly sure why you were doing this- he just seemed like someone who atleast deserved a good night sleep. Or probably, you were doing it due to the connection earlier. Or was it something else? Well, he was handsome and charismatic but that couldn’t be it, could it? You weren’t sure about why you were lying to the avengers. They would generally be proud to know you were helping somebody, but in this case you felt that they would try to talk you out of it. Or rather force you out of it (they can be rather stubborn) and so due to such reasons you kept it a secret, even from Steve. You didn’t require as much of sleep as the others but one month of seldom sleep was taking its toll on you. One day, knowing that you wouldn’t last much longer if you kept sleep depriving yourself, you decided to investigate the cause of his nightmares. If you could solve that itself, you would be able to sleep and Loki would get a goodnight’s sleep.

You had been tempted to do this before but you felt that by invading his nightmares, you would be stepping into a private area without permission. But today you felt that you would just go to sleep and feared that Loki would discover you sleeping in his room ( unbeknownst to you, that had already happened where he had carried you to your room, confirming his thoughts that you had been behind his sleep). However, the thing bothering you other than the invasion of privacy was the unknown nature of your powers. Wanda had seen your mind while searching for memories and the only thing that she had stumbled across was that your base powers were the ones related to life only. But occasionally, you displayed powers like teleportation or telepathy (that is how you knew Steve’s past with Peggy and that led you to connect to him due to the loss of his lover). And to see into his dreams you would require to tap into that side of your powers that you had no idea about. But overwhelmed by the need to sleep, you ceased singing.

After a few minutes, you saw Loki moving his head from side to side and you knew that the nightmare had started. A few shivers went through his body like the waves of the sea. You sighed and tapped his forehead with your index finger. Your head jerked back as you entered his dream. You saw Loki walking, an orange expanse spread in the sky with a funnel of clouds above the cliff he stood on. You even thought that you heard a muffled warning somewhere. But no, that was not the weird part. You were there with Loki!!! You wore something that vaguely resembled a gown, a faded leafy green and flower designs. You looked very happy and were taking animatedly while using your hands. For some reason you were facing Loki and walking backwards.

However, the present you couldn’t hear their conversation. Both Loki and well, you, didn’t notice yourself watching them. Suddenly, you reached the edge of the cliff and the present you’s heart got caught in your throat thinking this is your end. Little did you know that you had a worse fate.

Loki caught your shoulders before you could fall. The past you looked thankful then confused. The present you didn’t understand this until you saw Loki’s solemn expression and a lone tear gliding down his cheek.

And then it happened. Loki pushed you down the cliff. You saw the tears and heard the scream of agony of your falling self. And then silence. A strong jolt went through your (present self’s) scar. Loki turned to the man who you assumed was the one who had given out the muffled warning. He wore a black cloak so you couldn’t see his face.

As Loki argued to the body, you saw an avalanche of emotions tumble through his face- sadness, regret, anger. After talking, he hastily hurried away (as if he hadn’t just killed you so to speak). The last scene you saw was your limp body lying at the cliff below with the waves of your hair surrounded by a crimson circle. You and Loki both woke up with a start. You both made eye contact before you ran to your room as the truth dawned on you- he had murdered you.

[traindelays]

The Family Man Arc is a good character analysis arc for John Constantine because it is one of the few arcs that so strongly show who John is outside of who he presents himself to be ( I’d even go as so far to say as the narrative presents him to be, as well ). I believe it to be one of the more memorable arcs that explores John’s blatant terror and struggles of his own humanity.

The Family Man Arc takes place between the original Hellblazer issues #23, #24, #28, #29 & #30.

John reflects on the Family Man after three entire months of going on with his life. It’s not guilt of the family who was murdered from the address card he unwillingly handed over to the man that stirs his mind ( though he encounters a nightmare of them at some point ), it’s the fact that he saw himself in a man that turned out to be a murderer. He saw himself and was scared enough to determine that the only way to solve this was to confront him and find what makes a murderer of a man, and how to quell that nature.

John finally coming to terms that the reality of the situation is more serious than any of his other typical ordeals. He admits to his fear that this is entirely a physical altercation ( in this moment ); he’s got to rely on brute strength and the desperation to survive. But he knows that’s a lost fight before it even starts.

That same night, John has a dream he’s talking himself up so he can do the job and kill the Family Man, but then it ends up turning into his father that he hasn’t seen in 20+ years. I don’t really want to fall down a rabbit hole of symbolic interpretations but a few of them could be that John sees a father-figure in the few pleasant interacts he’d had with him prior to finding out the truth, and killing him would in some way be like killing his own father ( which is later explained in further issues that John did almost kill his own father with a hex he made in his teens as a response to the abuse he was faced with by him ) ... or more closely to the previous panel: John sees himself as the Family Man because of how he “killed” his own family ( e.g. his father with the hex, and his overall defiance to maintaining a relationship, and the guilt he feels for being blamed for his mother’s death ), and the subconscious fear that he’s not so different from him. 

He wakes up from this dream screaming “DAD!” then hears the noise of Chas coming up the stairs, grabs the bread knife he kept at his side and - thinking it’s the Family Man - tries to go in for the kill. Which fails IMMEDIATELY because John is not a fighter. Chas kicks his ass, the reality of the situation kicks in---and John pukes outside on the sidewalk.

After straightening up with a smoke and some tea, Chas accuses John of messing around with the demon stuff again, to which John admits would be easier. John has an easier time dealing with things that don’t force him to face how shitty humanity is. 

Magic lets him go after forces that he can pin as being “worse” than humans, while also giving him the escapism he’s always chasing in terms of facing humanity as a whole and how he personally fits into the role of humanity ( a common theme that creeps up all throughout Hellblazer when John reaches another prolonged breaking point ).

His next move, and his last resort to winning against “man” is to get a gun. One of the things that John vocally detests across several Constantine series, both as a moral standpoint ( and more lesser and assumed classic jab from a Brit. )

There are a few important things to point out.

1. John is quite literally out of his element. He’s never owned, held, or had an experience with a gun prior to the moment he buys it off of a shady arms dealer from Chas’ help. This is something that John can’t fake expertise on because using a gun requires an accurate enough precision, is extremely tangible - unlike magic - and is a direct means of killing. John isn’t trying to weasle his way out of a tricky situation, his back is to the wall. His hands been forced, he is down to his last resort. If he doesn’t kill the Family Man, the Family Man WILL kill him. Magic cannot save him. He is forced to remember that despite all his engagements with the occult, he’s a mortal man. To the audience, it’s also a grim but important reminder that he’s just a man.

Tying into Point #1, self-defense is not John’s strong point. He is very vocal through the entire Hellblazer series that he is not a fighter. He has a chance of getting one really good punch if he gets to swing first, but if it’s not enough to finish the job then he’s shit out of luck. John’s biggest skill is being underhanded and cunning. John not being able to fight is about the only thing he openly, quickly, and unashamedly admits that he CANNOT do.  

John’s so out of his element, he makes the guy who sold the gun to him to load the bullets for him. Then he’s alone with the gun and his thoughts and we get this panel with the “When you begin to think like a gun--the days of your life are already gone.” (John Cale, Fear--1974.) 

It’s a song; not uncommon for John to compare his emotions with lyrics considering his life was music before it got ruined by magic. The song is Fear Is A Man’s Best Friend and can be heard here, and these are the lyrics:

Standing waiting for a man to show Wide eyed one eye fixed on the door This waiting's killing me, it's wearing me down Day in day out, my feet are burning holes in the ground

Darkness warmer than a bedroom floor Want someone to hold me close forever more I'm a sleeping dog, but you can't tell When I'm on the prowl you'd better run like hell You know it makes sense, don't even think about it Life and death are just things you do when you're bored Say fear's a man's best friend You add it up it brings you down

Home is living like a man on the run Trails leading nowhere, where to my son? We're already dead, just not yet in the ground Take my helping hand I'll show you around You know it makes sense, don't even think about it Life and death are just things you do when you're bored Say fear's a man's best friend You add it up it brings you down

After getting the gun, John goes back to Chas’ who is bandaged up from an attack by the Family Man, and shortly after, John confirms with his sister that his father’s been murdered. At the news, John cries out “Dad!” again and cries. Now he’s got fear that his sister and his niece are next to be killed and his sense of urgency amplifies. Chas tells John that the old man is not only extremely fast, but he’s as strong as a horse, which couldn’t possibly make John feel any better about his own fate. 

There are a few scenes prior to this where John seemingly slips back into his natural element of sleuthing. He tracks down the T.V. Agent that was the middleman for his old friend and the Family Man, and purposefully helped him tail his lead to this neighborhood. He falls back into this after his father’s death, and puts on an act of having Chas kick him out where he knows the Family Man can see and hear, and then leads him to Chas’ cousin’s house, Norma, where he stays for the night. He makes sure the Family Man is near the window when he deliberately and incorrectly announces that he’s catching a 7 a.m. train. This is the John we are used to seeing; the John that relies on misdirection and deception to slip through the cracks. He’s trying to take control back to put the odds in his favor. 

Still, they’re getting ready to have sex, and she comments that John is trembling. He knows he’s set down the trap for the Family Man but his nerves are still shot. So much so that he changes his mind on the sex offer and lets her keep the money anyway. Probably not too important, but John is often one to escape his problems with booze, sex, or chasing adrenaline rushes, so it stands out to me as something worth mentioning. 

( But he does eventually request for sex after Chas’ phone call scares him awake and he nearly falls out of bed, gun in hand. Still, he’s so stressed, he just kinda lays there sweating up a storm while Norma does all the work lol, then he hurriedly gets dressed to make a move on. )

John can’t sleep, and sits up holding the gun in his hand. No real reason to post these panels, it’s just one of my favorites. : )

The argument between John and humanity resurfaces again now that he’s on the move. 

“But it shouldn’t be this easy. Life’s supposed to be sacred. You can’t just end it like a sentence. You’re human--you should feel something.” 

He asks himself what’s wrong with him because he’s about to commit murder and his hands aren’t shaking. He immediately references himself as a murder as well to his father and all his friends of his past. He loses his resolve, just like that. He is struggling with his own sense of humanity. He goes from separating himself from the Family Man as someone that values life, and how it’s not up to him to decide who gets to live, to lumping himself in with him again, and then to justifying that he HAS to kill him because he needs to see for himself that he is more than a man that John can / is---that he’s something other and separate of his own.

Then we get the perspective from the Family Man himself, who catches on to John purposefully leading him on. They are referenced as being similar here; they are both playing a game they are familiar with. John poses as a challenge, he’s brought himself up to level on the playing field and the dynamic turns from the hunter and prey into a competition.

John takes the tube to the bus and contemplates how long he’ll have to deal with looking over his shoulder in fear of his life. One of his thoughts is: 

“In the imagination, the intent is as potent as the act. I was a killer as soon as I bought the gun.” 

It’s not long before John gets ambushed by the Family Man at a road stop and gets chased into the countryside. ( Sidenote: As a character always being aligned with being a fox, it’s interesting having him referred to as a rabbit. )

They finally meet up after a decent chase and the first thing John asks is “Why?” because at the front of all of this, that’s the burning question that ties him in with the Family Man, himself, and his own father. He doesn’t know what consists of being a murderer in the way the Family Man has made a home of it for himself. The Family Man mocks him, tells him he can’t shoot him because he’s a “virgin” as in someone that hasn’t killed anyone before ( something John, in some degree, would disagree - but he’s right in that John has never committed first degree murder ). 

The moment the family man starts to say that he reminds John of his father, he finds it in him to pull the trigger. This ties into my earlier mentions of John and his subconscious dragging up his relationship and guilt about his father---the next page is a flashback into the Family Man’s life about his father:

The flashback shows the Family Man’s father shooting down their dog and explaining that it was his responsibility to put the dog out of its misery because it was hurting. Because that’s “love.” In the following page, the Family Man ( barely even maimed by the first bullet ) says that John won’t be able to murder him because he doesn’t love him enough. 

It’s obvious that the Family Man equates murder with love in some twisted, traumatic delusion tied to his childhood. 

There are further pages of flashbacks that show him responding irrationally to events in his childhood, but as that’s progressing, John’s just holding the gun at the man and saying “I don’t want this!”

“I don’t want this!” 

“Don’t be... pathetic. You have... to do it. Don’t... you want to share the... secret?”

“Yes.” John doesn’t hesitate to admit that’s what he needs.

“Well you can’t until you’re free!” Family Man reaches out to try and stab John, and he fires the gun again. 

Kindness in the face of death is mentioned again. Family Man is now the dog, in his misery, waiting to be put down. Except John is not the Family Man’s father and is not so willing to murder, still. 

“Goddamn you, tell me why? Why did you kill them all? Why, why? I must know why!”

“I told you... you have to... kill me to... find out.”

The core of John’s agony is still presented to us that he tries and fails to understand what it all means. What it means to a murder to be a murderer, how do they get to that part, what separates them from the rest, what makes them not him. 

He never gets an answer. 

The Family Man shoots himself for John / helps John give him the final blow. The silence of the loss is an answer, the weight of his actions are all he has to examine in seeking truth for the question he desperately wants answered. 

To further show how incredibly human John is, he throws up again after the deed is done. A man that stomachs demons, and ghouls, and the ghosts of his dead, tormented friends can’t look at a man he just killed without succumbing to the trauma. 

He laments about how the world continues to spin despite losing / taking the life of another. He immediately feels the need to share this pain with someone else do he’s not dealing with it alone, and to rationalize why he had to kill this man. He remains struggling with the idea that there could be an excuse for murder. 

He tells himself he’s saved countless of other families, but it’s not as tangible as the reality of the man he’s LITERALLY killed. Unlike the hypothetical families, the death is as real as everything around him. 

Not only that, but he refers to this as the Mark of Cain, a prominent story in the Bible that involves Cain killing his brother Abel and lying to God about it. God sets a mark upon him that lets everyone else know that he’s a murderer. Like this murder, even if it’s not obvious to others, he knows that he will forever be set apart from everyone else around him for this action. He in inevitably changed. 

Something something, Bible excerpts because I’m not an expert:  "Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your hand. When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth"  (Genesis 4:11-12)

“Executioners are always volunteers. They do it because they want to.” 

John doesn’t include himself in the ‘they’ of this statement and its, I think, intentionally left vague as to whether a part of him wanted that kill ( the kill being more-so the answer or truth to the whole ordeal, not the murder itself ), but at the end of the panel when he’s thinking back to something an old lady told him, it’s goes back to the idea of just HAVING to know what you don’t know. 

At the core of John’s character he is not a murderer, or an executioner. He’s a man like anyone else, struggling to keep his humanity in check, even when he’s forced into a position that threatens his morals. He makes the hard decisions that other people might not be able to make, and does what other people might not dare to do, and questions if that makes him more like his fellow man or further apart from them. 

But in addition to that, he’s a man that doesn’t like unanswered questions, and if there’s something he can’t figure out, and even if it might get him killed---he just has to know.

[that-curly-haired-lesbian]

Queer Analysis - Beautiful Eyes

Hey there gang! 👋🏻👋🏻

Remember when I’d do these things called Queer Analyses where I’d look at Taylor’s songs from a queer perspective? Yeah me too, vaguely 🤔

I’d like to do those again! 🌈🌈🌈

Hopefully you remember these segments, but something you may not remember as clearly is an EP Taylor released in 2008 entitled Beautiful Eyes. . Alongside the title track the EP also contains several alternative versions of songs from her debut album as well as a second original tune that happens to be one of my favorite underrated Taylor songs: I Heart Question Mark. 🎶🎶🎶

That however is not the song we’re focusing on today, today’s song is in fact Beautiful Eyes, this was requested by the same anon who also requested our latest analysis, better late than never, right?

As usual I’d like to thank AZLyrics for providing me with the lyrics used in this analysis.

Before we start I’d also like to say as always that the theory/reading of this song that I’m about to put forward in this post is just speculation, I didn’t write this song and thus I have no idea who or what it is truly about and everyone else are free to have their own theories and reading. I’d love it if we could start a queer discussion about this song as well as other songs by Taylor so feel free to send me asks and point out something I might have missed in my writing or request other songs for analyses in the future! 😊😊

Enough talk, let’s get to analyzin’

--

Your beautiful eyes

Stare right into my eyes

And sometimes I think of you late at night

I don't know why

Hi and welcome to the queer experience™️ 101, let’s imagine a common scenario for a queer adolescent to end up in before being aware that they are in fact queer:

You’re in middle school and you have a friend of the same gender as you. You guys are close friends and before you ever started hanging out maybe you desperately wanted to be this person’s friend. Maybe it’s because they’re cooler than you, more attractive or just seem fun to be around.

When you finally do become friends you’re over the moon and super excited that this person gives you the time of day, finally! You talk about them all the time and how cool they are and maybe your other friends or your family even ask you to talk about something else because you won’t shut up about this one friend and when you’re not around them you miss them like crazy and yeah so sometimes when they look at you you may notice things such as how attractive they are and how their eyes are very, very pretty, some may even say beautiful…

And yeah okay, you do think about them at night sometimes when you’re trying to sleep and you imagine their face in front of you and you imagine holding their hand and sharing a milkshake and kissing them and you-

Wait, what??

No, no, no not like THAT,  you’re not gay or anything, this is just friendship right? This is just what it feels like to have a really close friend, RIGHT?!

Yep, yes!

Okay, so no need to freak out, you think about your friend at night and you’re not exactly sure why, but you assume it’s a friendship-thing, this is what it’s like for everyone who has a best friend of the same gender that they are lowkey obsessed with like a lot, right?! Everyone thinks about girls in the same way you do, it doesn’t mean you’re gay…..Right?!

Well, young adolescent (who may or may not be Taylor Swift) I have news for you: 

Maybe, just maybe you’re a little bit gay…  🌈🌈

I know SHOCKING right?

Yeah, I think that maybe this is one of those friendships you are going to look back on when you’re a little older and laugh at because goddamn, it was just so obvious that this was a crush and you can’t understand how you didn’t realize this at the time, god you were SUCH a LESBIAN little kid it’s ridiculous!!

Anyway, you finish chuckling and you put this old song on your new EP because goddamn you were SUCH a LESBIAN little kid and this song is you trying to figure that out in real-time and it’s cute!  🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

--

I want to be somewhere where you are

I want to be where...

You're here, your eyes are looking into mine

So baby, make me fly

My heart has never felt this way before

I'm looking through your

I'm looking through your eyes

--

So anyway, young Taylor has now figured out that she may actually have a crush and that’s why she can’t stop thinking about her friend late at night! My hypothesis is that this song is the fantasy/dream of a young queer kid trying to figure out their feelings. So before she falls asleep Taylor wishes she could be where her friend is and then suddenly she is and in the dream Taylor and this friend are locking eyes and as she always does every time this happens in real life Taylor remarks what beautiful eyes her crush has. Given in how many different songs she’s mentioned eyes in various contexts over the years I think it’s safe to say that a person’s eyes may be the first thing Taylor notices about someone when she first starts being attracted to them and this song seems to confirm this was the case even early in her life.

Taylor tells us that having eye contact with her crush makes her feel like she’s flying, she also says “her heart has never felt this way before” indicating that this is her first or at the very least first serious crush.

Perhaps this feels different because she’s only had crushes on boys (or at least she thought she did) before and this happens to be a girl She likes girls and it finally all makes sense, looking at her new crush and into those beautiful eyes it finally feels like Taylor has been told a crush should feel! 💓💓🦋🦋

--

I wake up, I'm alive

In only a little while... I'll cry

Cause you're my lullaby

--

Then Taylor wakes up from this dream and at first she is very happy and feels so alive and high on her feelings for this girl and the wonderful dream, but she knows that in a little while she’ll be sad again and maybe even shed a tear because she’ll realize the dream wasn’t real and her friend still doesn’t know about Taylor’s feelings. This friend is Taylor’s lullaby in the sense that she is the last thing Taylor thinks about before she goes to sleep, maybe she thinks about what it’d be like being in a relationship with this crush and as she drifts of dreaming of this she feels happy and content with her fantasy before waking up to the said reality where her thoughts are just a fantasy and no one knows how she really feels. 😞

--

So baby come hold me tight cause I-I

I want to be everything you need

I want to be where...

--

Taylor wishes her crush would come hold her and be there with her and not only in her head, actually this whole song kind of sounds to me as a less explicit version of Hayley Kiyoko’s sleepover

--

(Chorus)

--

Just as long as you're mine

I'll be your everything tonight

Let me love you, kiss you

Oh baby let me miss you

Let me see your

Dream about

Dream about

Dream about your eyes

Eyes, eyes... beautiful eyes

--

Taylor makes sure to point out that she will be her crush’s everything tonight. This fantasy of them together, kissing and being together in a romantic sense is a recurring bedtime fantasy for Taylor who perhaps only allows herself to have an outlet for her confused gay feelings at night when she’s alone. Alone and missing her crush, getting ready to dream about those beautiful eyes and pretends they are hers to dream about and the person in question is hers to kiss and miss.

Essentially what I’m saying is that this song is a young closeted person’s anthem for how they wish their relationship with their secret crush could be. 

You know all those tumblr posts about daydreaming about romantic scenarios that will never happen in real life? Yeah, that is what this song is to young Taylor who has recently come out to herself and is now indulging her queer thoughts and feelings, she’s still a little confused but she’s got the spirit.

--

Thanks so much for reading and I hope you’ve missed these analyses as much as I have, I cannot wait to get back to them. Our next song is I Don’t Wanna Live Forever which was requested by @silencequitethisloudd literally over a year ago!

Feel free to send me requests and suggestions for future analysis or even fanfiction prompts, I may get to prompts and requests at the pace of a snail, but at least I have fun doing them once I do get to it and thus my askbox is always open!!  😊

[sunshinedevotee]

yet another very necessary taehyung rant

i’m back! before i start i’d like to say i appreciate you all so much for the comments and such, even the ones who claim that tae isn’t underrated (begone thots), you motivate my procrastinating ass. you guys don’t need to thank me though i’m just doing the lord’s work. now i have things to talk about so let’s get started! 

if you’re new to these posts then this part 3 of what has kind of become a series (?), where i go on rants defending taehyung and explain why he’s kind of underrated. contrary to popular belief; as you’re about to see, boi needs it.

now i’m sorry, but before everything i really want to talk about this man and his precious dog!!

RIGHT MY DUDE TAEHYUNG DIDN’T JUST GET ANY DOG, HE GOT A FOSTER. LET’S PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THAT. he even asked the guy how to be a good dog owner, the same guy went on to say he didn’t believe he and tae were the same species lmao.

moving on to the sad shit

hate

i will never shut up about this. the popular members get hate too. honestly everyone will go on about how the hyung line members get hate (totally fair), but nobody wants to talk about the shit the maknaes have to deal with cause they’re popular. i’ve never seen someone as grossly sexualised as jimin is, i’ve seen many a horror. jk gets so much hate for having a lot of lines, as if it isn’t tiring and stressful for him. and honestly tae just can’t fucking breathe without getting berated for it. here’s a list of things he’s gotten hate for:

-suggesting a movie with a sex scene (which made him stop his film reccs)

-suggesting a song with sexual lyrics

-posting work from his favourite photography which contained nudity

fun fact; taehyung is an a d u l t, what a concept.

-showing yeontan in jin’s vlive 

-saying older brothers should care for their little sisters (they said he’s sexist)

-landing an acting role before jin

-winning face of 2017

some jk stans were mad cause jk got more likes on instagram (if you didn’t know the nominees’ pictures were posted on an insta account and people thought they were meant to vote for who they wanted to win.) jk had gotten more votes on his picture so people were mad that tae won, but apparently it’s not the case.

tldr; despite him being the most beautiful creature on this sad earth, it’s not just about visuals and it’s a big deal that he got chosen

general sadness

i’ll say this again. even though everyone thinks tae stans showing concern is twelve year olds trying to stir up drama, we have good reason to do so.

let’s take a moment to talk about stigma, the lyrics are already ambiguous and seemingly sad. this is what he said about it:

"stigma is about hurting. when i started creating it i wanted it to be about being cut over and over again. i wanted army to feel my hurting? in mvs I’m shown as a person who’s hurt, but it hurts so much that i become someone who enjoys that pain.”

and even that one time taehyung started crying when reading his letter to jimin on bon voyage S2, he started crying and talking about jimin being there for him when he was “crying in the bathroom”  uhh c h i l d

remember when the members jumped on tae to open up to them? the way they spoke...you can tell he had gone through something and it breaks my heart honestly, but it seems the members are caring for him. 

visuals

his visuals have gotten him far and this is just a fact. he must feel like his only significance in the group is being a visual. honestly when members are being acknowledged for things and it comes to him they’ll always say something like ‘thx for not being ugli lol’. 

i know this is a thing in kpop i guess but it’s as if he’s just there to look pretty and...growl? and what else? oh yes! be lol so random xd. this really pisses me off cause even in old interviews namjoon would introduce him as ‘the member responsible for 4d charms’ and you’d just see his expression drop immediately.

don’t get me wrong, it’s just a fact that he’s a popular bias cause of his looks, that’s just the way it is and i know it. we as people sub-consciously show bias towards people we find attractive in everyday situations. i’m pretty sure if he weren’t so stunning some people would probably bash him for his ‘alien behaviour’ rather than be like ‘oh ahaha tae-oppa is so cute l o l xd’ or some other cringy shit. 

anyway, he has a lot of fans because of his appearance, who probably think they’re the biggest stan just cause they’ve heard stigma like four times. maybe they watch some ‘taehyung extra compilations’ now and then, but they don’t actually know shit about him andng;sd’#;l#fdfd 

for those that don’t know, he had originally accompanied a friend to the auditions and had no plans to audition himself. he was spotted by an employee who told him he had to audition because he was so good-looking. his looks definitely got him where he is, i imagine it makes him feel like his only significant feature is the fact that he’s pretty. a lot of people have nothing good to say about him not regarding his looks/behavior. 

if you get really deep into it, i think he feels like his visuals are the only reason he’s loved by fans at all. although he doesn’t do it anymore, i’m pretty sure he used to exaggerate his attitude so that people would like him. i know this feeling all too well myself and while i obviously can’t pin point what’s going on in that pretty lil head of his, i think i’ve got an idea. you’re really just ‘weird’ and you try to pass it off as quirky then you’re like ‘oh you like this?’ so you keep acting that way, afraid you’ll stop being interesting. it was brought to my attention that people are actually dropping him cause he’s become more quiet recently :(. 

can i ask why? when taehyung is so beautiful inside and out, he’s definitely got flaws we all do, but while he isn’t perfect there’s just something so unique about him. he’s so clever sometimes yet he can have those dumb moments like forgetting what year it is, he seems like he’s just a cutie yet he’s so mysterious and vague. he’s this beautiful mess of self-contradictions and i love him for it, my favourite art hoe. i found a tae personality-analysis here on tumblr and it was an enjoyable read, op says they had a hard time with his mysterious ass haha

now let’s talk about tae being a golden maknae (hear me out!)

i got this comment

hmm i didn’t know that he auditioned as a rapper. [some of the members really came in with little to no experience in their field though, isn’t that impressive?] yeah that’s true, like i’ve said this before but tae is a golden maknae, he can rap okay? it only sounds weird cause we’re not used to it. even in the table room skit they did that freestyle rap and tae was really good, i’ve read that yoongi himself was really impressed with him!!

and he can dance pretty well too um why isn’t he dance line ???

tae’s been underrated since the start, he was even hidden at the start as he was a ‘secret weapon’, for what? surprise surprise; his looks :o i’m pretty sure he knows this, and it all must add more to the probable mixed feelings he has regarding his role in the group. 

singing

please talk about his beautiful deep voice, i didn’t even like deep voices until he came around. also let’s appreciate the fact that he came in with no experience and apparently originally auditioned as a rapper? 

C R Y S T A L S N O W though I mean oh my god.

my friend once said; ‘i cry every night at taehyung’s wasted potential’ ( @n-uee what’s good?) which is too accurate. i’ve said pretty much all i needed to say on this subject in the previous part. still though acknowledging his high note in stigma isn’t enough, please he is finally not being wasted on growling anymore talk about it

yeah uh finally finished i’ve been dragging this on and editing it for months lmao i’m such a procrastinator. anyway as i said he’s not just a pretty face and there is so much more underneath the surface. i wish tae well and await his next cover!

part 1 , part 2

ofcourse  none of these posts are complete without some pictures, so have taehyung with dogs aka my favourite concept in the world:

anyway he’s one of the only good things in my life in this god awful world and i purple him bye. 

[high-fructose-lesbianism]

The 5 Best and 5 Worst songs from 2017′s Billboard Top 100 Singles

Whoops, this is like a year late.

The 5 Best Singles

5. 1-800-273-8255- Logic ft. Alessia Cara & Khalid (#79)

Whenever pop songs touch on any sort of serious issue the question for me is do I buy the sentiment? Do I think it comes from a place of authenticity or is it a particularly cynical cash grab? I believe the sentiment on this one. I like the use of the suicide hotline number as the song title and the message is uplifting though not in a way that “message” songs can be where it just says, “hey, don’t do that, you don’t need to.” This song acknowledges the struggles of depression and suicidal thoughts without glorifying them nor minimizing them. 

4. I Feel It Coming- The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk (#34)

I love The Weeknd’s collaborations with Daft Punk. The majority of the Weeknd’s work is more slow jams that might go on a “songs to have sex to playlist” but, well, I don’t have a great deal of need for such songs. I do always have a need for catchy, funky songs that combine the talents of robots and Canadians. AND while being more upbeat, it’s still absolutely a song you could have sex to.

3. Starboy- The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk (#20)

Yeah. I really like The Weeknd/Daft Punk collaboration. This one ranks a little higher because I think the beat is more recognizable. It charted last year and this year so this song has staying power and it deserves it. This is a catchy, well-produced song that missed getting on my best list in 2016 but a year later, with different songs to compete against and (hopefully) me developing slightly better taste in the interim, it’s definitely one of the best charting songs of the year for me.

2. Praying- Kesha (#67)

I don’t know if there’s been a pop song with this level of raw emotion in all the years of Billboard charts I’ve looked at so far. Kesha is an absolute powerhouse in this song. I’m really glad this song charted because it is definitely different from her previous charting singles, it’s certainly not a song to grind against a dude you’ve just met while intoxicated but Praying is such a showcase of Kesha’s talent as an artist. The amount of emotion she evokes in this song is really impressive. Even Adele hasn’t released a charting single that’s such a punch to the feelings. 

1. Feel It Still- Portugal. The Man (#45)

But, at the end of the day, what I really want from my charting pop music is something I can dance to. Feel It Still is an exceptionally danceable song. I love it. It’s so funky. It makes me want to bust out all my white girl dance moves. I feel like there’s a dearth of songs that really make you want to get down and boogie in the charts these days and Feel It Still is there to represent that specific subgenre and it does so perfectly, with a great baseline and retro flair. I’m so about this song.

The 5 Worst Singles

5. Magnolia- Playboi Carti (#79)

There weren’t necessarily a lot of really notable, memorable bad songs on this year’s charts. Magnolia is here because more than anything, it’s forgettable. I guess there’s some use to it in that it sounds like an amalgamation or stereotype of the entire year in charting singles but nobody will remember this song in 15 years. Hell, I’m not sure anyone will remember this song in one year. It’s so disposable. There’s no staying power to it. It doesn’t seem like a song that a lot of people with have a big nostalgic connection to and exclaim in delight if they hear it in 15 years on a throwback radio station. Magnolia just kills three minutes and leaves no emotion, memory or thoughts behind it.

4. I Don’t Wanna Live Forever (Fifty Shades Darker)- ZAYN & Taylor Swift (#26)

I can’t stand Zayn’s falsetto. It hurts my ears. That’s the major sin of this song. If he sang at a register that appealed more to my human ears than bats, this song probably wouldn’t even make my short list of considerations for the worst songs because it’s otherwise a competent if unremarkable song. But jeez, I do not like listening to Zayn hitting that register. It makes me cringe like nails on a chalkboard. The song also doesn’t scream or even whisper passionate, kinky BDSM relationship but hey, the movie also failed on that front so I’m not even mad at that particularly.

3. Look What You Made Me Do- Taylor Swift (#39)

With 1989, if not before then, Taylor Swift proved she cant make a good-ass pop song. 1989 was an album full of them. As a followup, Look What You Made Me Do is more than disappointing. The melody isn’t good and is so unoriginal they had to settle a claim with Right Said Fred of I’m Too Sexy fame. That’s a problem. The sort of sing-talk that Swift does for most of the song also doesn’t appeal to me. And there’s the lyrics. Subtlety thy name is not Taylor Swift. We all know what this song is about and it’s not charming. She comes across as petty, thin-skinned and unlikable. She also completely fails to evoke any sort of bad-girl image despite that being her clear attempt. This song is bad in a way where I’m tempted to call it lazy because it’s definitely not utilizing all the potential of Taylor Swift and her team but that’s sort of the worst part about it, it’s not lazy or a throwaway song. A lot of thought went into this and all those thoughts were bad. This is not a song, it’s a compilation of bad ideas.

2. Chained to the Rhythm- Katy Perry ft. Skip Marley (#73)

It’s arguable if Katy Perry ever had a personality but in recent years I still feel like she’s lost whatever personality she initially had. This song is cliche and lame. Maybe a singer with a more powerhouse voice could’ve sold it but I dunno, the basic tune of this song seems like something I’ve heard several times before. Katy Perry’s music has always been pretty shallow but I excused it in the early years because it was at least catchy. I don’t find this song nor many of her recent hits to be such. Chained to the Rhythm just seems tired. It’s supposed to be a roof-raising party song but I just feel sleepy and a little sad when I listen to it. Even the fact that the chorus mentions zombies doesn’t soften my opinion to it. It’s such a bad simile and doesn’t even have the right number of syllables to quite fit the melody. I don’t like it.

1. Body Like a Back Road- Sam Hunt (#8)

Holy shit. This song is the highest charting of any song on my best or worst list and it’s the stupidest. I don’t need to do a particularly in depth analysis of this, do I? Comparing your lover’s body to a road of any description is a bad and unflattering metaphor. Anyone who’s a fan of country music should be furious at this song because it sounds like a parody of country music. How did Sam Hunt ever think this was a good and complimentary thing to say about his girl? God, this song is just beyond stupid. Sam Hunt deserves to be punched in the throat by the shambling, resurrected corpse of Johnny Cash for writing, recording and releasing this song.

Other Observations on this List

It’s been like a year since I started listening to this and I’m just hammering this out before I go on vacation for a week so these observations are gonna be kinda half-assed.

Listening to this playlist back in January and then months later when I finished was sort of interesting because I had a lot more passionate opinions in January and a lot of them felt sort of nullified when I went back and finished this in later months because music trends just sunk in more for me I guess.

I do wish this current trend of sort of droning pop music would end. So many songs this year don’t have a whole lot of inherent danceability.

So white rappers aren’t even a notable change in the status quo now, huh? I’m not saying 2018 was the first year that white rappers existed but I have noticed that in the past two or three years there just seems to be far more prominence of white rappers and less discussion about that. I think, as a culture, we’ve just stopped caring if it’s cultural appropriation or whatever which is fine I guess, but some of them are so average, I sorta wish it was still the case where (with the exception of Vanilla Ice), white rappers had to be in some way notable to prove that they deserved to take up space in a genre that started as being by and for the black community.

I didn’t put Bodak Yellow on my best list basically because of personal taste (mine is bad) but damn. What a powerhouse of a song. As a statement of intent, it’s exceptional. Cardi B came to slay.

Can we PLEASE be done with Maroon 5?

iSpy almost made my best list. It’s dumb but at least it knows it’s a dumb song which shows self-awareness that actually makes it smarter than a lot of songs on this list.

[acephysicskarkat]

WORST HIT SONGS OF 2018: A META-ANALYSIS

SO REMEMBER HOW I WROTE ABOUT HOW I WASN’T GOING TO DO A WORST OF THE YEAR LIST?

TECHNICALLY I DIDN’T SAY I WASN’T GOING TO WATCH A BUNCH OF OTHER PEOPLE’S WORST OF THE YEAR LISTS AND COLLATE THEIR RANKINGS, THEN GIVE MY OPINION ON THE RESULTS.

THERE WERE FIVE YOUTUBERS SAMPLED FOR THIS EXPERIMENT (I ALSO FOLLOW A FEW OTHER MUSIC YOUTUBERS, BUT NONE OF THEM HAVE A WORST POP SONGS LIST OUT SO FAR):

TODD IN THE SHADOWS (CHANNEL; WORST LIST PART 1; WORST LIST PART 2)

MARK GRONDIN OF SPECTRUM PULSE (CHANNEL; WORST LIST)

THE RADICAL DOUCHE (CHANNEL; WORST LIST)

CICABEOT1 (CHANNEL; WORST LIST)

MR 96 (CHANNEL; WORST LIST)

(ALSO I LIKE THE WORK OF ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE AND YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY CHECK THEM OUT.)

I USED A FAIRLY SIMPLE METRIC.

EACH SONG WOULD BE GIVEN A RATING OF (12 - RANKING) POINTS, COUNTING A DISHONOURABLE MENTION AS 11, SO A SONG WOULD GET BETWEEN ONE AND ELEVEN POINTS.

ADDITIONALLY, FOR EACH TIME BEYOND THE FIRST THAT A SONG APPEARED ON A LIST PROPER (NOT COUNTING DISHONOURABLE MENTIONS; ONLY RANKINGS BETWEEN ONE AND TEN), IT WAS AWARDED A BONUS POINT - THE IDEA BEING THAT IF A SONG HAD MULTIPLE LOW-RANKING SLOTS, IT WAS PROBABLY WORSE THAN A SONG ONE PERSON PASSIONATELY HATED BUT NOBODY ELSE CARED ABOUT.

FINALLY, IF MULTIPLE SONGS WERE GIVEN A SLOT, THE POINTS WERE ALLOCATED TO EACH OF THEM, BECAUSE I FUCKING CAN. (THIS WORKED OUT WELL FOR CICABEOT1, WHO WAS THE ONLY CRITIC TO ACTUALLY INCLUDE AN “EVERYTHING BY THIS ARTIST” SLOT.)

NOW LET’S SEE HOW THE TOP TEN RESULTS WENT:

#10: MEANT TO BE, BEBE REXHA FT FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE (16 POINTS)

MARK GRONDIN: 3PTS

CICABEOT1: 5PTS

RADICAL DOUCHE: 6PTS

BONUS: 2PTS

I CAN NAME SEVERAL SONGS BY FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE THAT ACTUALLY CAUSED ME PHYSICAL PAIN. THIS ISN’T ONE OF THEM, BECAUSE THERE’S NOT ENOUGH OF IT THERE TO ACTUALLY HURT IN THE WAY THAT, FOR EXAMPLE, “THIS IS HOW WE ROLL” DOES. OH, AND I GUESS BEBE REXHA IS HERE TOO.

#9: YES INDEED, LITTLE BABY FT DRAKE (17PTS)

MR 96: 1PT

CICABEOT1: 6PTS

TODD: 9PTS

BONUS: 1PT

I’M UPSET. GIVING DRAKE ANOTHER HIT IS DISRESPECT. HE’S A JACKASS, OR DID EVERYONE FORGET? SOUNDS SO BORED, LIKE ALL HE CARES ABOUT IS CHEQUES. SORRY, I REALISE THAT’S A DIFFERENT BAD DRAKE SONG, BUT I WORKED ON THAT PARODY FOR AT LEAST FIVE MINUTES AND I DIDN’T WANT TO WASTE IT. THIS ACTUAL SONG IS A COMPLETELY DYSFUNCTIONAL MESS WITH HALF-FINISHED LYRICS. YES INDEED? MORE LIKE FUCK NO.

#8 (TIE): I FALL APART, POST MALONE (18PTS)

CICABEOT1: 8PTS

SPECTRUM PULSE: 9PTS

BONUS: 1PT

I DON’T KNOW WHY POST MALONE IS A THING, AND I LIKE MAYBE TWO SONGS BY HIM. THIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM.

#8 (TIE): GIRLS LIKE YOU, MAROON 5 FT CARDI B (18PTS)

MR 96: 6PTS

TODD: 11PTS

BONUS: 1PT

HONESTLY, CARING ENOUGH ABOUT ANY GIVEN MAROON 5 SONG TO HATE IT SEEMS LIKE A WASTE OF TIME AT THIS POINT. IT’S LIKE ORDERING A RESTAURANT CRITIC TO REVIEW CANNED BABY FOOD.

#6: ROLL IN PEACE, KODAK BLACK FT XXXTENTACION (19PTS)

MR 96: 8PTS

CICABEOT1: 10PTS

BONUS: 1PT

KODAK BLACK TRYING TO LAMENT THE DIFFICULTIES OF HIS LIFE WOULD BE FUNNY WERE IT NOT SO INFURIATING. AND HE’S JOINED BY XXXTENTACION, APPARENTLY BECAUSE WE NEEDED TO GET MORE ASSHOLES ON THIS SONG FOR SOME REASON.

#5: SAD!, XXXTENTACION (20PTS)

MR 96: 9PTS

CICABEOT1: 10PTS

BONUS: 1PT

GUILT-TRIPPING HORSESHIT FROM AN ARTIST WHOSE APPEAL I DON’T UNDERSTAND AND WHOSE CAREER LOOKS LIKE IT’S GOING TO BE LONGER POST-MORTEM THAN IT WAS WHILE HE WAS ALIVE. ALSO, THE TITLE READS LIKE A TRUMP TWEET, BECAUSE WHY NOT AT THIS POINT.

#4: CHANGES, XXXTENTACION (23PTS)

SPECTRUM PULSE: 4PTS

MR 96: 7PTS

CICABEOT1: 10PTS

BONUS: 2PTS

XXXTENTACION GOT A METRIC BUTTLOAD OF APPEARANCES ON THESE LISTS, AND WITH A DISCOGRAPHY LIKE HIS, IT’S NOT HARD TO SEE WHY. THE MUSICAL TRENDS IN 2018 WERE DOMINATED BY TIRESOME, MISOGYNISTIC SONGS THAT SOUNDED LIKE ASS AND WERE GENERALLY FROM PRETTY BAD PEOPLE, AND THEN THE WHOLE XXXTENTACION STORY ADDS A SORDID AND MONEY-GRUBBING EDGE FROM THE MUSIC EXECUTIVES ATTEMPTING TO PROFIT FROM EVERY HALF-FINISHED SCRAP OF MUSIC HE’D MADE. FUCK THIS YEAR AND FUCK THIS SONG.

#3: FEFE, 6IX9INE FT. NICKI MINAJ & MURDA BEATZ (24PTS)

MR 96: 5PTS

CICABEOT1: 7PTS

SPECTRUM PULSE: 10PTS

BONUS: 2PTS

THIS TRACK REEKS OF DESPERATION FROM EVERY CORNER, AND EVERYONE INVOLVED IN IT SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES. I DO NOT EXPECT TO BE SAD SHOULD 6IX9INE NEVER BE SEEN AGAIN, AND THAT SEEMS LIKE A VERY REAL POSSIBILITY GIVEN HIS LEGAL SITUATION. ABOUT THE ONLY PARTICIPANT I FEEL BAD FOR IS THE DOG IN THE MUSIC VIDEO. GO FOR THE THROAT, GIRL.

#2: TE BOTE, TODO EL MUNDO FT TODOS LOS DEMAS (28PTS)

CICABEOT1: 1PT

SPECTRUM PULSE: 7PTS

RADICAL DOUCHE: 8PTS

MR 96: 10PTS

BONUS: 2PTS

BECAUSE I DON’T GET MUCH LATIN POP, I HAD NO IDEA THIS EVEN EXISTED UNTIL THE LISTS STARTED GOING UP. I AM SORT OF SAD THAT I DO NOT GET TO KEEP MY IGNORANCE ON THE SUBJECT. NOT PARTICULARLY GOOD REGGAETON FEATURING MULTIPLE ANNOYING ARTISTS THAT IS LONGER THAN BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY (THE MOVIE, NOT THE SONG). ALSO, IF YOU REMADE BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY (THE SONG) ON TWO VUVUZELAS WITH LYRICS BY YOUR DRUNKEN COLLEGE FRIENDS SINGING ALONG THAT TIME IT CAME ON THE RADIO, IT WOULD PROBABLY SOUND BETTER THAN THIS.

(ALSO, I DON’T SPEAK SPANISH, SO IF THAT TRANSLATION OF “EVERYBODY FT EVERYBODY ELSE” IS INACCURATE, BLAME GOOGLE TRANSLATE!)

#1: FREAKY FRIDAY, LIL DICKY FT CHRIS BROWN (32PTS)

CICABEOT1: 1PT

MR 96: 1PT

TODD: 8PTS

RADICAL DOUCHE: 9PTS

SPECTRUM PULSE: 11PTS

EVERYONE AT LEAST MENTIONED THIS, AND MORE THAN HALF GAVE IT HIGH POSITIONS ON THE FULL LIST, AND GIVEN THAT THIS SONG IS SINGULARLY EXECRABLE IT’S NOT HARD TO SEE WHY. IF THIS WAS JUST BAD COMEDY, THAT WOULD BE ONE THING, BUT IT’S EXCRUCIATINGLY BAD COMEDY BACKED UP BY GASLIGHTING BULLSHIT ABOUT HOW GREAT IT IS TO BE CHRIS BROWN.

ALSO, I DON’T KNOW WHY ED SHEERAN AND DJ KHALED ARE IN THIS ONE. GUYS. GUYS. YOU ARE SUPERSTARS. YOU HAVE HAD SO MANY THINGS GO PLATINUM THAT I WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED TO FIND AMESTRIS ON YOUR TRAVEL PLANS. YOU DO NOT NEED TO SHOW UP ON SHIT LIKE THIS TO STAY RELEVANT.

FUCK THIS YEAR, AND FUCK THIS SONG.

[spiralledcupid]

Spoon Views: My Hero Academia Episode 10

Symbol of Peace

Welcome back to Spoon Views. And this episode was,,, the one we’ve all been waiting for. I put makeup on this morning, and now I wish I hadn’t because I cried twice like the lil bitch I am. Before I start I just wanna say there might be a little less analysis this time because I just did my first two a level exams and my lil brain is all tuckered out so, just know I’m trying my best lmao,,, So, with that out of the way, let’s get into it !

Okay, first things first, for some reason I always thought the bar would be like a basement bar? But

Apparently it’s on the second floor. I mean, it might just be me being a dummy but at the same time, oof. Weird.

Moving on, let’s talk about something I haven’t discussed before on Spoon Views (I think).

And that’s staging. It might not be intentional (because lets be real most of literature analysis is bullshit I’ve studied it for two years I Know), but this shot can reflect the distance between All Might and Endeavour, with Endeavour looking up to All Might, or up to the position he quite desperately wants. Also, this shot shows Endeavour’s hair colour, something we don’t usually see due to his flames. And we all know that in pretty much every episode this season, Bones have tossed us a Dabi is a Todoroki hint. So maybe,,,,

Speaking of Bones, they did a fantastic job on All For One.

I mean, everything about him was creepy, but the clapping in particular just kinda creeped me out more than anything. I have to say though, in the manga I remember him calling Magne “my dear” when she addressed him, which increased the creepiness factor (for me anyway), but, at least in the translation I watched, he didn’t do that, which made him seem a little more aggressive and therefore less all-out creepy. But that’s just a matter of opinion rather than anything serious.

Away from All For One, I also wanted to talk about Best Jeanist in the terms of Stain’s ideals.

On first glance, Jeanist sorta comes across as one of the ‘fake’ heroes; he’s obsessed with appearance, and put Bakugou down because of the way he looked and acted, despite him having heroic intent. He also seems to have awarded himself an award he invented 8 years running. But his actions in this episode show us a different story. He sacrifices himself to move the other heroes out of the way, getting himself hurt in the process. I mean, this of everything shows the flaw in Stain’s ideals, because Jeanist (someone who he would perceive to be a face hero) willingly sacrifices himself for the other heroes.

And what happens to him is gory af

I’m not usually afraid of supernatural based things but I may have to change that where All For One is concerned bc that power Should Not Happen.

Anyway, away from my personal scardy-cat nature, here’s a question that’s been playing on my mind ever since I first read this bit.

Is All For One dying?

We know he has a longevity quirk that’s enabled him to survive all this time, but at the same time, he’s been raising Shigaraki as an inheritor for his quirk and seemingly his entire criminal enterprise, and for some time he’s been choosing Quirks that fit Shigaraki. I mean, if we wanna go really deep into personal theory, I actually think all for one and one for all began as the same quirk, and due to the evolution of one for all via the passage of users, the quirk was able to evolve while all for one stayed stagnant… I mean, I can fully meta this, and if u want it drop me an ask !

I’ve seen a few people talk about the abusive relationship All For One has with Shigaraki and, although I’m not denying what he did is abuse it IS, the type of abuse needs to be focussed on.

I’m almost sure that All For One was probably never physically abusive to Shigaraki. It’s obvious Shigaraki has a heavy dependence on him as a father and/or mentor figure, and this relationship imo is unlikely to come about through physical abuse. Instead, the abuse was probably more emotional. Shigaraki’s complete dependence comes from first a lack of emotional development and second because he’s most likely never been able to depend on anyone else. This is probably to prevent Shigaraki gaining opinions of his own, therefore making him the perfect tool against All Might. Furthermore (spoilers guys, spoilers), it gives him the fury and vengeful urge to lead him to taking over All For One’s place in destroying the hero industry. Still abuse tho.

Away from analysis, I love how Bakugou’s still throwing his anger issues around at the scariest criminal boss in the world.

Like, he just doesn’t back down and that’s something, as a living doormat, I can get behind. What a love.

I also love how much of a good friend Iida is.

He grabs both Midoriya and Todoroki, the two who he already knows are willing to risk themselves after the Stain fight. I just,,, love him.

No commentary here but

Gosh darn this is a good shot !! so cool lookin

But, during the first part of the scene, I felt so bad for Bakugou, having to watch his idol up close seemingly meet his match.

Bakugou idolises All Might because he never loses, so to see him meet someone who can match him blow for blow must be extra terrifying for Bakugou. Poor kid.

He’s still doing his smile as well

Y’know, the one everyone talked about last episode where Bakugou was desperately trying to maintain a smile the way All Might does… God I just want this kid to have a good time.

His dodging tho

Cool as SHIT Bakugou has fighting skills wowee

This is also when Bakugou’s (spoilers again) guilt for what happens next begins in my opinion:

He knows All Might can’t fight while he’s there, and maybe All Might wouldn’t have gone over his limit if he were able to fight with his full power from the start… God, I know I’ve said this about 60 times but poor Bakugou.

And, finally, we get to the bit…

The bit where my tears first began to fall…

In all seriousness, I wish they had kept the “It has to be you” line, because that was iconic, but it was still a sob-worthy scene. I know everyone has already waxed lyrical about the hand scene so I’m not gonna (and this is mostly analysis anyway, and there’s frankly not much in that scene that isn’t already obvious) but it was,, absolutely fantastic, hats off to the animators.

But I also love how Bakugou still found it in himself to bitch

You better go far, my stubborn boy.

And then seeing how happy Kirishima looked now they had got Bakugou back

So cute !

Also, while we’re here, can we get a cheer for Mt Lady?

Just letting Compress slam straight into her head like,, omg,, icon I love my wife.

Back to the villains side of things, it’s no secret I love Shigaraki and this bit was the second time I cried in the episode.

He’s just one of those people who always seems to lose out and even tho he’s shitty, I just want him to achieve something like,, good,, redemption arc when,,,

I don’t actually think he’s gonna get a redemption arc but that don’t mean I don’t want one !! Gimme.

On the same topic, I just wanna know

What was he gonna say? (any theories feel free to drop them!!)

And, to round off:

@ any anime only readers, have u made the connection? Bc,, oof

 Anyways, that’s all I have for y’all this week on Spoon Views!! It’s been a tough ol week, so pray my exams pick up next week and that I can find a job.

Speaking of a job (and my lack of one), I finish college soon and I will hopefully be opening commissions as well as putting out some multi-chaptered fics, but if you wanna help me out, I have a ko-fi  !!

Thanks as always,, see u next week,,

[flakandforay]

고민보다 Go Analysis

here’s the analysis of the 8th track for the Love Yourself 承 Her album

i would be analysing several components - music, lyrics and dance

disclaimer: this is just my personal opinion, feel free to disagree. i would love to hear your opinions on this, leave them in my askbox.

overall: okay so after listening to this song, it reminded me of 21st century girl and Fun Boyz ( 흥탄소년단 ) - those fun songs that just gets you in a groove tbh. not to mention how the dances for these songs aren't hardcore if you know what i mean. they're pretty much laid-back with only a few hardcore moves etc ( maybe thats why i get the vibe from it ) but either way, id say its a just a fun song and a nice song for them to promote along with their title song, DNA and MIC Drop. i had to listen to it a few times before liking it more than i should lmao but anyway, its a nice song to balance out the whole album asides from the title track with its electro pop, the hardcore MIC Drop with the soft sentiments from the intro and dimples and the outro and now this fun song that other people may enjoy more. truly, what namjoon said in their comeback V live that theres a song for everyone is true. he's not wrong at all.

music: okay, so what got me interested was the beginning of the track. this type of beat isn't that common and comparing with bts’ past songs, the beat is unusual ( but then again, during their early debut up till dark and wild, they were working on the hip hop and hard bad boy image which to me was great because the songs that they had last time were definitely suited for them ) 

so they had 13 seconds of the xylophone ( im pretty sure i heard it before, something similar as it uses mallets to play it ) then it moves on to using this flute, it might be the piri which is a traditional korean flute just in time when jimin comes in after 13 seconds. ( side note: the melody that the piri plays is quite mild, in a way, its not too low or too high, just enough to set the pace etc ) and ho ho, jimin’s starting the song again this time round !!! just like how he started best of me !! anyway what’s interesting is that they kept the first instrument sounds while putting the flute piece to be more dominant in this case but not overpowering jimin’s voice at the same time, interesting though. considering theyre using more instruments this time round.

interestingly there’s no actual bass during jimin’s part, just the same xylophone and flute, well in this case the xylophone is the one that’s keeping the whole song in check. but ahhh those few lines of jimin singing, it’s so relaxed, not too much pressure, like a short teaser. just in time for some few short drum beats as an intro for hoseok’s part at 0:28 ( like a little disclaimer that now it’s going to be a rap part )

anyway hoseok’s part, interestingly his rap here is pretty laidback, then again this whole song is laidback except for maybe the bridge/coda where the hype really intensifies. but moving on, hoseok’s rap lines are interesting because only specific parts are emphasized more such as ‘cruisin’ like Nemo’ where in this case, you can hear there’s a short pause in the beats for the ‘nemo’ to be be louder this time round!! but here the beats underlying it are actually just the xylophone this time round, the flute is removed !!! so guess actually the special characteristic of the song is the flute and done exceptionally well, using the flute in certain parts and not all ( so as to not overuse the flute because to me, the flute can be a bit pitchy if you keep hearing it for a while, considering that in this song it’s being amplified more when it’s being used !! )

but anyway, transitioning from hoseok’s part to jungkook’s part at 0:42, ( a short verse before it goes to yoongi’s rap ) there’s a very minimal use of drums in this case to intro that it’s jungkook’s part, so i it seems like jungkook’s part is a continuation of hoseok’s part ( in a way it’s within the same chunk of lines as the drums used were so short, it’s unnoticeable ) and then again, when it goes to yoongi’s part at 0:49, there’s also a very short use of drums !! and again underlying both jungkook and yoongi’s part, it’s the same xylophone melodies !!

for yoongi’s part, im pretty surprised that his rap was short as compared to the other members and to the other songs, but yet again, he delivers !!! you can hear how his tone changes interestingly, his lines are pretty short, but there’s some space in between his line for that small shout in between of ‘oh’ before he continues his last line where he actually e exaggerated his last word ( screams/cries...? i won’t call it growling or maybe it is ) but then afterwards there’s that short adlibs again of ‘woo woo’ before it goes on to the prechorus with jungkook again at 0:56.

actually here, the sound is being amplified so ive a feeling someone might be doubling jungkook, so in a way there’s someone underlying jungkook’s lines as well!! but actually it’s not all the lines, more of the end of his lines to exaggerate it more. im hearing seokjin’s vocals actually in this case ( and in the live performance seokjin is the one singing this part ) and again, is the same xylophone tune!!!!!! also, there’s actually a short adlib inside where the line repeats jungkook’s line ( kinda of like an extra emphasis ) remember that at 1:08 theres the emphasis on ‘want some’ before jungkook finishes the pre chorus smoothly 

now for the chorus at 1:24 with taehyung’s yolo, but look how slowed down the ;lyrics actually sound though in a way even when it transitions to jungkook’s part and then to seokjin and back to jungkook !!! the chorus is still pretty light in this case !! but you could hear the flute inside here underlying but very minimal!!

then when it comes to the 3rd verse at 1:54!! taehyung kicks it off but the tone of the voice that he's using, ohhhhh its so unique, its not his usual singing voice either and its barely him rapping, idk i find it pretty interesting, its a teasing voice to me!! and of course not commonly used by him! actually, the beats underlying this have more percussion this time round, less off the xylophone, an nice difference from the previous verses.

now to namjoon’s rap at 2:06, the beats used were similar to taehyung’s part beforehand but this time the percussion was bumped up a bit, to give it the extra feel of saying that this is the 3rd verse etc. even namjoon’s rap is pretty laid-back, not much aggression at all needed, he's playing with the rhythm and beats as well, giving 1-2 seconds spaces in between, and that nice short ad-lib at 2:20 to wrap up the rap nicely before moving on to the pre chorus again with jungkook !!!

tbh this part, those extra sounds at the end of the lines, i have a feeling it might jimin doubling, just because of the vocal tone etc before moving on to the chorus again at 2:35 with taehyung to jungkook to seokjin to jungkook again!! although it is to note that seokjin’s vocal tone used is slightly different and jungkook’s as well, its too relaxed in a way that they're saying the words rather than singing them. that same use of percussions before the chorus again as a signal was done well and even before moving on to the bridge at 3:03 with taehyung and seokjin !!

but the bridge is just more of the flute !!! look how tit just added more amplification to taehyung and seokjin’s lines in the bridge and only at 3:18 with jungkook and then jimin finishing up the bridge, did the percussion finally come in!!! but it actually is building up for the coda at 3:32, notice how the percussion used intensified not just from having crotchet beats, but more samples of percussions were used for the coda of them literally singing ‘고민보다’ and of course the characteristic of the flute is still being used !!

you can hear in the coda how the percussion intensified here but yet not overpowering the flute at all!! and then at 3:46, literally only the flute can be heard as the song comes to an end, that same rhythm to end the song till 3:55, a nice touch, kinda reinforcing that the flute is the hero of the song overall - a distinct tune that listeners won't forget.

lyrics: okay so lyrics wise, there isn't much to say because its a pretty chill song - in a way saying that you can spend money on yourself if you want to.

it is known that the younger generations dont really spend much money on themselves apparently, so in a way this song is to comfort the youth to pamper themselves once in a while etc.

돈은 없지만 떠나고 싶어 멀리로 난 돈은 없지만서도 풀고 싶어 피로 돈 없지만 먹고 싶어 오노 지로

=

No money but I wanna go far away I don’t have money but I wanna relax No money but I wanna eat Jiro Ono’s sush

looking at hoseok’s rap, look at how he's trying to explain the dilemma of youths who dont really spend on themselves but they have so much wants that aren't fulfilled. especially since we all now live in a world where time is money, theres barely time for rest

열일 해서 번 나의 pay 전부 다 내 배에 티끌 모아 티끌 탕진잼 다 지불해 내버���둬 과소비 해버려도 내일 아침 내가 미친놈처럼

=

Worked hard to get my pay Gonna spend it all on my stomach Pinching pennies to spend it all on wasting it Leave me be, even if I overspend Even if I break apart my savings tomorrow

now at jungkook and young’s part, they're painting the fact that the youth are working hard, especially since South Korea is known to be one of the countries where workers work long hours in a survey, more than average in a year

they're trying to console those who wants to spend etc

Woo 내일은 없어 내 미랜 벌써 저당 잡혔어 Woo 내 돈을 더 써

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Woo there’s no tomorrow There’s already a mortgage on my future Woo spending my money even more

then seokjin’s part, look at those lyrics!!!! its nice how they already pointed out how theres mortgage to pay for a house in the future since many aspire to have their own houses etc, working hard to earn to pay for something that hasn't even come yet, saving as much 

Dollar dollar 하루아침에 전부 탕진 달려 달려 man I spend it like some party Dollar dollar 쥐구멍 볕들 때까지 해가 뜰 때까지

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Dollar dollar Squandering it all in one day Run, run, man I spend it like some party Dollar dollar Till the sun shines through this mouse hole Till the sun comes up

then the pre chorus, okay honestly, this song has so much innuendos and nuances but nice touch there.

lmao, notice how they said ‘mouse hole’ because literally the youth stay in really tiny apartments especially in the city yet pay a lot for them

Yolo yolo yolo yo Where the party yah 탕진잼 탕진잼 탕진잼

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Yolo yolo yolo yo Where the party yah Squandering fun, squandering fun, squandering fun

so the chorus is pretty much these lines being repeated but ahHHH, again spending money like no one’s business, you only live once kind of message and to think that bangpd wrote the lyrics and song, nice touch there

내 일주일 월화수목 금금금금 내 통장은 yah 밑 빠진 독이야 난 매일같이 물 붓는 중

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My week goes Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday Gold gold gold gold¹ My bank account Is a pot with no bottom Every day, I’m pouring water into it

so taehyung’s part in the 3rd verse, nice word play there, because actually, friday = 금요일 and gold = 금, so you know how its friday after Thursday, but they just sing gold, gold, gold.

not to mention how they said that the banks were bottomless pits, spending money whenever

차라리 걍 깨버려 걱정만 하기엔 우린 꽤 젊어 오늘만은 고민보단 go해버려

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Just break it apart We’re too young to just worry For today, just go instead of worrying

namjoon’s rap lyrics were done well again, bringing back the notion of how youth are young and they shouldnt worry much about spending etc

고민보다 go 고민보다 go 고민보다 go go (everybody!)

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Just go instead of worrying Just go instead of worrying Just go instead of worrying (everybody!)

and now the bridge and coda being this, to just take risks without worrying much about the consequences just like how youth should be

id say the lyrics were pretty spot on with the message that they want to bring out, nicely done

choreography: like I've mentioned before, this stage is a fun, the 21st century girl vibes and fun boyz stage.

not too difficult dance moves, with only some appearing at the bridge, coda etc.

lots of meme moves as seen in the choreography itself, with the backpack dance etc and the several vines. tbh this whole dance is so cute and lively and goofy, love it

the intro with them appearing one by one 

why isn't anyone talking much about this??? because literally look at them being a small gang, hands on shoulders, wow i need time to process this

and this move, definitely 21st century vibes

the backpack kid move, seriously, how fast can one swing their arms, but its so cute???? ( Reference )

the shoulder shrug !!! prolly shrugging about spending money ( maybe?? )

i need a moment, because wow 

this iconic head bob from a vine ( Reference )

this ending?? uhm rude but wow his eyes are big?? and that jawline oh my

but im still curious as to why they all stare ahh the right though, what is there hmm

last thoughts: overall, i think this is a fun song, like ive mentioned before. but it is to note that this song does not have much doubling involved but then again i feel it would be unnecesary to have so much of it unlike the rest but anyway, like i said this song actually balances out the whole album etc and the message is well delivered, and of course great stages ( even outfits that are so cute, i mean overalls???? ) as usual, the lines given are pretty much fairly given out except for yoongi and the cute dance that everyone is making a challenge of, props to them for making the dance famous wink

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