#i remember replying to non-rp blogs before. only if they seemed like they knew what was up though

[gho2ty]

its in fact so hilarious to me when non-rp blogs reblog standalone posts from g2. mostly because of how obvious it is. dont mind me just . sollux god damn captor. typiing away. LMAO

[seblaine-rph]

Calling out an M/s rp

Now for my callout posts against @devilskeyhq, warning others of their problematic behavior and educating the admin team so that they can learn to be better admins to their players. Remember while reading this that I have spoken with almost a dozen people about this at this point and they all say the same things, with screenshot evidence to prove it:

First things first, the tea. For those that don't want to read this whole thing, I'll summarize. DevilsKeyHQ is an M/s rp that allows non consensual activity in character and refuses to add a warning that people can see before they apply that lets them know. They were told that they were triggering their players that expected to be in a safe, sane, and consensual group but were subjected to mass rape and their response was to publicly humiliate everyone that had complained and allow their other players to rant about how wrong it was to complain and how upset everyone was to have to alter the group in order to keep everyone safe. 

They bully people with autism both ic and ooc by treating their inquiries and commentary as stupid and using microaggressions to humiliate them and make them feel invalid. 

They're stalking @thedaltonsanctuary because it's a real D/s roleplay that two of their previous players have had since 2017 and there's a real concerning level of paranoia being thrown out in order to slander them; the moment that TDS started to take off, they decided there wasn't room in the tags for two groups and they kicked them out of DK without warning or anything happening other than TDS getting a bunch of apps, and started trying to bully the group and the players completely out of the roleplay community. There are still players in DK that are too afraid to leave right away because they don't want to be stalked, harassed, and bullied because of the fact that they were made to feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Some of them plan on leaving roleplay entirely as soon as it’s safe to leave DK without being noticed or being obvious about not agreeing with the admins. 

My opinion on the matter is that two people very unfortunately chose to "give themselves a break" from admining their own groups and got to know people in a group that is headed by very toxic admins and a couple of toxic players as well. They were kind enough to try to take care of other people, even though they didn't have to and knew that they were probably going to get kicked out for telling the admins that people weren't comfortable. They were warned by the friends that had been in the group that they were almost definitely going to be either bullied out or immediately removed. The admins didn't like that there was someone else that was more knowledgeable on D/s and they didn't like that there was someone who was looking out for the safety of the whole group instead of putting the admins and their friends first. And the real tipping point was watching another roleplay flourish-- by the same people that had already proven themselves to be more knowledgeable and better at being admins. Now they're trying to slander this group in an attempt to become the only smut group in the tags and it's honestly so very middle school and everything I'm about to go through disgusts me to my core.

Before I begin, I’d like to remind everyone that none of this would have happened if people weren’t triggered by M/s content dominating what was supposed to be a D/s rp without any warning about the content. I’d also like to remind everyone that when this problem was brought to the admin team, it was as easy as accepting that they may have done something wrong and deciding to either end all M/s activity (which some people seemed to not want) or label their main with a warning so that nobody else was triggered by that surprised. If you’re looking for a TLDR on how this should have been handled, that’s it right there. There is no reason at all for any of what I’m about to say to have happened. 

I'll start with the easiest thing to explain; the bullying of people with autism. I'll explain quickly here that people that are neurotypical do not think in the same ways that people who aren't. This causes an uncomfortable rift in communication that when not addressed properly, can become bullying. @disabilityrph is going to be posting a guide very soon on how to spot and avoid bullying people because of their autism, as has definitely happened in this case. So I won’t go into too much detail, but I will give you an example.

EXAMPLE: If you as an admin write out an event post explaining what it going on in the roleplay, there is never an example in which it is okay to passive aggressively dictate the thought that any question given is a stupid question.

HOW THAT WORKS: If someone asks, "Will this be involved?" the proper reply is never going to be, "Why would that be involved? It doesn't make sense that it would be." Just because you find the answer to the question obvious, does not mean that everyone does, especially someone with autism. The proper reply is a simple answer; yes or no, and if you feel like it might be necessary you can add why that is the answer. As an admin, you never want to make any one feel humiliated for asking a question in order to fully understand your group. There is never a stupid question. All questions are valid. You have to remember that not everyone thinks in the same way that you do, some people will have questions that you didn’t consider. Some people will read what you wrote and have questions that you think the answers to are obvious, but clearly they’re not if someone is asking! Nobody should ever get a sarcastic or passive aggressive answer from an admin. 

After speaking with multiple autistic players within the grpc, as well as players within DevilsKey itself, I have been told that this happens a lot. They will ask questions ooc and people will reply as if they are stupid for asking. When they bring up thoughts in character that other people don't agree with, they get treated like they're stupid again. I've been shown screenshots of this happening to people in DevilsKeyHQ with my own eyes. This is a damned shame.

The next topic is the fact that their roleplay is obviously a Master/slave roleplay because of the fact that a large group of people were raped by the NPCs that the admins have created. I saw that there was ooc warning that a punishment was coming, but the simple fact is that nobody would ever expect rape to be involved in a D/s punishment. Nobody would expect anything that left lasting damage, because punishments are not meant to be traumatic in D/s. A punishment is meant to better a person, they should walk away feeling as though they have learned a lesson and worked through anything that they had to feel bad for. If there is any power play that is being used to traumatize people or make them do literally anything at all that is against their will, that is M/s and not D/s. The distinction is important because people use D/s as a means of therapy, to get over their trauma. Someone who was raped, for example, might become a submissive so that they can work through their trauma under the guidance of a Dominant and if that Dominant chose to rape them as a punishment because they weren't fitting their role well enough? That would be abuse, that is not D/s. BDSM holds RACK and the concept of safe, sane, and consensual above all else.

Asking for that distinction to be made clearly is completely within a person's rights here on Tumblr. It's a smart thing to do, and any admin that cared at all about creating a safe space for their group would never do anything like that. They would take their problematic behavior into account and properly label the main Tumblr blog for their roleplay. I read through it, it does not at all sound like the roleplay that I have screenshots of in my inbox. You do not rape someone anally for hours and hours against their will in a roleplay where the words "safe, sane, and consensual" are written on the main. That's just common sense and decency.

The players that were kicked out are not the only ones that I have spoken with and they are not the only ones that were uncomfortable. They're also not the only people that will be leaving the group because of this. 

The sequence of events for how this roleplay came to my attention are as follows:

Two roleplayers were writing with multiple members of DevilsKey and chose to join the group at the request of their friends. They created characters that had family connections to their friends, and wrote their bios with their friends, and their friends had all been in the group for months at that point. This was not a calculated plan, this was an attempt to roleplay in the roleplay community. They joined the ooc discord server before their apps were accepted in order to get a better understanding of the roleplay, but all of the roleplay was hidden and nothing that was shown gave them any indication that it was an M/s rp. These two players brought in original characters and immediately made various connections with other players within the roleplay. They were more active than the admin's own characters, if you ask for my opinion on it. That proves that they were interested in making connections with DevilsKey, they put the effort in to make them.

Then the punishment was warned. I read this warning. Nowhere did it say anything that would in any way warn about the content of the punishments. It is specifically stated that they are focusing on D/s so it should be a normal D/s punishment. Instead, when the plot dropped, a large group of characters were stripped and dragged to cells where they were denied food and tortured for an entire week. These characters were raped and humiliated, abused and broken in ways that defy every covenant of the D/s and BDSM handbook.

From day one, people were triggered. I have screenshots of DMs that go back that far. But the player that was being complained to was also told not to go to the admins for the first few days, because the people who were upset were afraid that the admins would bully them and kick them out for "complaining." Days were spent with these people being triggered by the rape that was being forced in front of their eyes. They stayed in the group for the same reason that anyone stays in an abusive relationship; you can't let go of the "good things." They had spent months in this group, getting to know these players ooc and developing their muses ic. They were attached, especially considering the lack of groups in the tags and the lack of involvement in the grpc.

But enough became enough eventually. When people started to realize that they were triggered and that they were not feeling any better, they weren't sleeping, they didn't want to eat, and the punishment was coming to a close but they were beginning to realize that even though the plot was about to be over, it wasn't over. Their characters all had lasting damage, some just mental but most physical as well. The damage was done. Even if they managed to drag their characters out of the depressing hole they were in, they had to fear this happening again. They didn't sign up for an M/s rp. They didn't sign up for rape. They didn't sign up for trauma. So they hadn't expected it. And nobody gets to decide that a person’s feelings aren’t valid because it took them time to be comfortable having them relayed. 

The player that is suddenly being accused of being "far too close to his Dominant character" went to the admin as a fellow admin. He explained that he had previous admin experience, so he understood their position. He explained that he had real world experience in the D/s community, so he understood what he was talking about based on his own experience and that of the community he spends time in every day, and had a serious concern for the wellbeing of the writers in the group. He told them that he didn't want to start trouble, that he wanted everyone to remain calm and that he didn't want anyone to be anxious. When he got busy and had to table the conversation for real life, he even told the admin that he wasn't silent because of them. He was very gentle. He explained the difference between M/s and D/s and he explained why it is important to properly label groups. He was asked a series of questions that made it look like his concern was being taken seriously, and then it was completely not taken seriously in the group chat.

The reason players had asked one person to go to the admins was because they were too afraid to, they were intimidated and they did not want to deal with any negative blowback they'd get for being upset. The admins proved their concern to be founded when they not only posted about everything that had been said in the ooc, they allowed other players to basically humiliate the people who complained by saying they didn't agree, so nobody could be upset, and in fact they were the ones who were greatly upset and the people who complained should feel guilty about it because now it changes the whole entire plot of the entire group for them and they don't get to finish adding more traumatic plots to the event. One of the admins even joined in to talk about how mad they were that people weren't comfortable enough with them to talk to them? And explained that they had admin issues in the past too, but despite how anyone might be feeling or what makes them most comfortable... it's a slight against the admins and they've been hurt.  

I don't think I need to explain why that is wrong. No admin should allow their players to speak like that in the ooc chat. No admin should air that much dirt in public either; it would have sufficed to say, "After further consideration, we have decided that there might be a few issues with this plot drop and we are here to let you know that it's being dropped. The past still happened, but no further punishments will be doled out and we are considering a new way of dealing with punishment plots in the further." As an admin, it is your job to keep your players safe, and you really dropped the ball there. Not only did you let your players publicly humiliate people, leaving more than one of your players going to bed crying and thinking that they were going to wake up to the entire group hating them and/or their role being removed, but one of the admins added to it themselves and made people feel like now they really couldn't go to the admins. Who would go to someone who does not keep them safe? Who airs their complaints so everyone can boo at them on a public forum? Who shames and guilts them for being anxious? Especially when their concerns weren't really addressed and they were told they were wrong? The plot was ended, but it was made clear that it wasn't because the admins wanted to continue in a way that was safe for all of their players or to find a way to stay in D/s territory and out of M/s non con.

Both players that were removed stepped in the ooc chat to say that it would be better to be mindful of everyone's feelings, and that it wasn't really kind to invalidate all of the people that had complained. It was explained that if things had been properly labeled, this wouldn't have been an issue, because anyone who doesn't want to associate with non consensual activity would avoid it. Many players chimed in to agree with both sentiments.

That situation was taken care of in a poor way, but it was handled and it was ended. The players that were removed were not triggered or affected by M/s material. One of them was upset about the fact that their character was only punished once, in fact, while all of the admin's own characters had been punished three or four times and kept being pulled up to either get hurt or hurt other people. By force. In a D/s rp, let me remind you. But the fact that the players weren't kicked out then proves that this had nothing to do with their removal. It would be pretty shitty if it did, because for an admin to kick someone out for telling them that they had players triggered for days and feeling upset and then turn around and scream and wonder why nobody wants to bring any of their concerns to them is a level of denial I'm not ready to accept myself. Both players continued to plot ooc and they continued to write with multiple people. They were still talking to everyone that had been triggered, keeping tabs on them, making sure they felt alright. The admins were not doing anything to make sure their players were alright, despite knowing that they weren't.

Before they joined DevilsKeyHQ, both players had been talking to several other roleplayers about their previous Tumblr roleplays. They started a sfw au roleplay group a few months ago and had been talking to friends about previous group plots and new ideas to see if they wanted to work together to either bring an old group back to life or start a new one. TheDaltonSanctuary was open years ago and has not changed since it was originally opened, aside from the addition of a second admin. Multiple people from DevilsKeyHQ had been in TDS previously, when it opened the first time. That particular admin has at least 30 groups between discord and Tumblr. The one that their friends chose-- and I have screenshots of this too-- to encourage them to open was TDS. They opened for acceptances on the 18th. They joined DevilsKeyHQ on the 24th. The fact that the admins of DK want to try to say that TDS is in any way a copy of them or a threat to them when they are two entirely different roleplays and TDS was made years and years ago is all the proof that I need that the admins of DK are just petty, immature, and can’t handle not feeling as though they are the only and best option; but of course, there’s plenty of proof of that, in my opinion.

There have been allegations that they stole NPS from DevilsKey, but a quick look at the main proves that to be false. There are no OC NPC characters in TDS. It was also stated in the ooc discord server after they were removed from DK that the admins were upset and angry because one of the players had brought their OC Sterling twin to their own rp. Anyone is allowed to birth a muse and then decide that they like them so much that they want to see them in an au setting. The character that the other player brought to DK was an OC from his own group and he said so multiple times and nobody accused him of stealing from his own group? But the admins believe they own an OC because it was born in their group. 

Their official announcement for why these two were removed stated that they had:

taken an OC from DK to TDS and therefore they needed to be removed in order to "keep DK's plot safe" (but DK is completely unusable for an actual D/s rp)

clearly only joined DK to try to poach players for TDS (though they never once said a word about their rps to anyone, and wouldn't even say which plots were still active, which were groups, or which were 1x1s when talking ooc about what they've written before)

and finally for their "little outburst in the ooc group chat" in which they said that it wasn't kind to invalidate people who had been courageous enough to finally (after days of being unable to) asked for the admins to be informed that they were triggered

It's already been stated that TheDaltonSanctuary and DevilsKeyHQ have two entirely different plots. TDS is a safe environment where there is BDSM info in the ooc server and characters are placed in a sort of rehab and recreational environment that is geared towards mental health, education, and finding and maintaining a healthy claim. DevilsKeyHQ is one of those sex island groups, there have been thousands in the tags where the plot is always the same; people are taken to a sex island and have to live by M/s rules or they'll be punished with penetrative rape via multiple orifices.

With no reason to get rid of the players that knew more than they did, looked out better for their players, and now were thriving in a real D/s group... the admins kicked them out and made stuff up. If they were being removed for asking that the admins consider the safety of their players, it would have happened when it happened. If they were being removed for stealing from DK to put things in TDS, they would have kicked them out back then too-- because it was known that they had TDS for a long time before. They were only kicked out of the group when TDS started to gain traction and one of the admins brought their OC in and one of the players that had applied to TDS before the admins joined DK brought an OC from DK too. So it's clear that jealousy has fueled this entire debacle and it was so easy to solve.

[roleplcyheaux]

stop sending messages about kelly to amanda. jc its like youre obsessed.

i rarely curse at people but fuck you. and i mean that from the bottom of my heart. i don’t know what possessed you to send me this ask in the first place because i haven’t been on the dash in days but fuck you. i’m not sending messages about kelly to amanda. kelly hasn’t crossed my mind in months. i haven’t spoken or uttered her name in conversation even longer than that. ya’ll are so quick to accuse people of things with no evidence? the fact that you assume everyone who sends in questions about these people are just jaded friends / members is the problem! none of you want to take responsibility for your actions so you’d rather just brush off the stuff being said about you as “hate” and “negativity”. i’ve made one post about kelly in my entire existence on this website. AND I EVEN SUGAR COATED THAT ONE POST by only sticking to rp related instances! i went to painstaking lengths to ensure nothing i wrote about her came across as mean or inflammatory. there’s a whole paragraph where i sang her praises. why? cause for a very long time she was someone very dear to me and i didn’t want to crucify her in the public eye because i believe people can change and grow. but since ya’ll love to villainize people, let me just say this.

if i wanted to send amanda messages it would be:

about that time i made a post on my personal during the 2016 election ( or maybe directly after i can’t remember ) where i said something about trump supporters being ignorant ( literally one of the least nasty thing that can be said about trump supporters ) and kelly messaged me on skype upset that i said that because her family members were trump supporters. i literally had to APOLOGIZE TO HER for saying something about trump supporters. even though they were outwardly spewing anti-immigration propaganda and encouraging trump’s muslim registry nonsense. two things kelly knows i am, an immigrant & a muslim. still, i “agreed to disagree” so she wouldn’t be mad at me. from that day on i felt like i couldn’t post anything political on my blog or else she’d find an issue with it and come confront me again. ( i would link to the post in question but i think i literally deleted it to placate her + skype wont let me scroll back further than april 2017 & this convo happened prior to that )

or maybe the time someone came to me in my inbox to ask about if it was insensitive to play turkish fcs as non-muslim & i answered saying something along the lines like “no it wouldn’t be insensitive but like please keep in mind islam is the largest religion practiced in turkey.” nothing controversial about that right? like i wasn’t telling people that they would be cancelled if they had non-muslim turkish muses but STILL kelly who was in a big turkish fc phase at the time felt the need to then reply to my ask to be like “there are jewish people in turkey too!!!” which is true! there are multiple religions practiced in turkey but that wasn’t what was up for debate in the ask that was sent to me. people already play turkish fcs as anything but muslim. again she messaged me privately afterward saying she hoped it was okay she interjected and to avoid confrontation i didn’t say anything and let it slide cause i told myself she was just excited about exploring judaism as a faith. but just think about it? could you imagine if someone was answering an ask about zoey deutch being jewish & whether it was insensitive to play her as non-practicing & i just inserted myself by saying “um actually people practice other religions in america too!” just because i like playing zoey deutch fcs and may not wanna be held responsible to play her as her religion? LINK TO THE ASK HERE.

or how about that elongated period of time she had not white in the description of her personal? if memory serves me correct her blog title had gypsy in it and someone told her that term was offensive to romani which is when she said she was part romani herself. which then inevitable led to the “not white” identifier on her blog. but multiple times before and after that privately she only talked about her family being italian. rarely if ever did the romani thing ever come up again. only when it was convenient. i’m not trying to say kelly isn’t romani or is lying about identifying as nonwhite but there were multiple times in our friendship where i felt like she was trying to use labels associated to minority groups for some sort of invisible “brownie points” and it was very uncomfortable to me but i never felt comfortable enough to brooch it with her for fear of being exiled from the friend group or accused of being “toxic” the way she described other ex-friends.

or maybe i’d give amanda extra details about stuff i’ve already said about kelly on my blog. like when i said she asked me to play a nina twin with her at a group but then got mad at me for essentially plotting with people? what i didn’t add was that that whole thing happened during ramadan while i was fasting. and she knew it was ramadan cause we talked about it in our gc. i had been working all day helping my family do stuff while fasting only to log on to skype to have one of my best friends accuse me of trying to ruin her plots and fun in a group she invited me to. the whole conversation gave me so much anxiety on top of being hungry & tired from running around a majority of the day. like i kept worrying that if i didn’t respond fast enough that she’d get angry which in turn made me family be upset at me for keeping looking for reasons to be on my phone. her excuse in the end? she was on her period and feeling sensitive. ( LINK TO SCREEN SHOTS )

or what about all those times she would message me privately about people i considered friends and how she didn’t think they liked her. or how she felt unliked and unwanted and i’d have to go out of my way to assure her that wasn’t the case. to the point of my own discomfort. it got the point where i started not enjoying my own rp experience cause i’d feel bad that i was having fun on the dash when she wasnt? it was during a time she claimed she changed and she would always weaponize the narrative people had of her “old self” against me to make me feel bad for being friends / friendly with those people even though she’d keep insisting that it was totally fine & she wasn’t mad about it and simply just “worried” cause she didn’t want to cause “drama” ( to use an example from an instance used in my other ask about kelly: her and my friend lauren had a falling out. when said falling out happened she repeatedly insisted that the rest of us in the friend group didn’t have to “pick sides” then, later down the line, when she found out lauren was joining a group i was opening she then proceeded to use that as one of the reasons why i was being a “shitty friend” to her. LINK BACK TO THAT PART OF THE CONVO )

if i was really obsessed with kelly i would just have submitted the messages i got from people after i made my post about her to amanda. people who were friends with her were coming to me telling me that kelly had done / was doing the same thing to them that she put me through and how they appreciated me speaking up about it. keep in mind i made my post like a year after i stopped being friends with her. which meant that in that time, despite all the claims she had made about changing and being better, she was still treating her friends and the people close to her shitty. i’m not gonna share screen shots of those messages because it seems for all intents and purposes those people have forgiven kelly & are still friends with her and i’m not trying to get them in trouble with her.

i’ve given kelly the benefit of the doubt for years. even after i stopped communicating with her i didn’t say anything about the microaggressions i faced as her friend or how manipulated i felt by her. being her friend often felt like you were one mistake away from being cut off. it’s like you constantly had to prove your loyalty and love to her or else. it took me a long time to realize how our dynamic was extremely unhealthy and even when i realized that i never publicly said anything because i still cared about her and saw how much shit she was getting & didn’t want to add to it. but i’m not the pathetic little hales that can be bullied and talked down to anymore. i’m not gonna allow you to come into my inbox when i was minding my own business and try to make me the bad guy. if people are sending messages to amanda about kelly it’s because she’s got a long list of people she’s hurt & hasn’t resolved anything with. that has nothing to do with me so please kindly get out of my inbox.

[abilitypossessed-m]

Anon asked:  ☠ , ♥, ⚜ , ☄ , ☀ , ✂ , ✖ , ♒ the salty af munday meme

Oh boyyyyyyy- Salt content.

Hold on, hold on, I need a read more for this shit-

☠ What does someone have to do for an instant unfollow from you?

Good question! There are a few ways to get me to unfollow someone, though I will admit it’s been a while since I unfollowed someone. Clearly not reading my rules is a good one, along with being on a hiatus or just being away for a long time and never saying so. I’m not asking for some long, detailed post about why you’re going on hiatus for a while or something-- I just want to know that you aren’t dead or outright abandoning the blog.

♥ What's the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?

This is a harder one because I gotta admit, it’s been a few years since it happened and I kinda blocked it out of my head for a hot minute. But I got a message from someone about wanting to RP, and it eventually led to my Discord because they seemed nice enough, you know?

But then they changed the conversation to non-conning my muse. Which let’s be fair, that’s something that happens, muses be like that at times, so I could kind of understand where they were coming from. But the way they were asking to do it made me uncomfortable. Then they started asking about me personally, my life and my sexual interests. This 100% irked me and I swear to the lord that they knew that.

It was when they asked for images of myself that I blocked them. I looked up their URL later to find that they had been called out before for doing such things a couple years prior to them contacting me.

⚜ How many people do you not like?

Now, I certainly couldn’t say an exact number, if you know me from my other blog I’m in too many fandoms and every fandom has it’s people. But I will admit there really are two people in particular that I go to all costs to avoid simply because of seeing what they’ve done to people around me and my own experience.

☄ Have you ever been in the middle of drama?

I hate to say it, but yeah, I’ve been in drama a couple of times. I won’t say what about, or where, but it’s happened. People went through loops via my friends to contact me a few different times over the years over some petty things, and some fandoms seem to be nothing but drama, sadly. But I’ve never been called out, if I was I’ve certainly never heard of it or no one ever told me. It’s kinda why I’m a bit picky with my other fandoms and who I interact with in those series in particular.

☀ What's your rp pet peeve?

Let. Me. Actually. See. Your. IcOnS-

I absolutely can’t stand icons that are smaller than 70 x 70, they look like a bunch of tiny, tiny pixels that my blind bat eyes can’t see. 

Also a similar peeve, double small text, along with when words or letters of a word are spelled out over more than one space. I can squint my kiwi eyes to see them if it’s only once or twice, but if it’s all over the reply I’ll go nuts trying to read it.

✂ A fandom that you feel isn't open and accepting?

Aaaahahahaha....

I’m good, I’m not getting pulled into drama again just because I say a fandom isn’t welcoming. 

But if you go into IMs I might say. I’m just not gonna dare say such things on Tumblr, because they’ve proven previously that they keep an eye on me and I’m not mentally well enough to deal with that.

I will agree though, series like BnHA and Voltron do indeed, seem very uncomfortable just being an outsider and seeing a rare post about the fandom via mutuals.

✖ How has Tumblr RP changed since you started?

Well, for starters, the updates have really sucked- But I suppose you mean RPC-wise. I started way back in 2013-14. Not as long as other people but still, I’m kinda sorta old. I think that, in general, everything’s grown very constricted. I remember seeing posts of people being open than not being hated on for having opinions. Being able to write more dark content without people crying about it. It’s just gotten... Worse. But this is the only real platform to RP and so we’re all stuck in this hell.

♒ Thoughts on the fandom you're currently rping in?

Now we get some fluff at the end. Good, good-

BSD is one of the better fandoms I’ve been in recently. I’m still newer so perhaps I’m not seeing all of the people and such, but I haven’t seen any public posting calling out people when that’s something I usually see in the other fandom’s I’m in once a week to once a month.

Seriously, this place is a breath of fresh air.

[rkmiya]

five fo five

i debated on even doing this because i knew it wasn’t going to be a fully positive note but it’s my honest feelings and the point of the rkfifth post was to post how we feel about rookies. as someone who has been here since the moment it opened until now i have a lot of feelings. note: this is going to be all over the place and not cohesive at all because i intend to pour out my thoughts as they come with very minimal editing and my thoughts, unsurprisingly, aren’t always cohesive.

NOTE: skip to the bottom if you’re too lazy to read everything for a nice little present i did for everyone !!!! uwu

first and foremost i want to talk about what an amazing milestone it is for an rp to maintain this kind of longevity in which it’s been around for five consecutive years without hiatus, with three (mostly smooth) admin transitions and always maintaining at least 100 muses in the rp at any given moment. that’s freaking insane. especially because this is the era where most rps die after a month or two because people lose interest; it’s crazy that rookies has been around and probably will continue to be for some time. so i want to thank our current admin team for keeping the rp functioning. i know it’s a high maintenance rp and it’s a lot of upkeep so despite everything, i commend y’all for your efforts.

that being said, it is also my five year as a member! i’ve been here since the very beginning with rkmin (now rkmiya). she’s never been dropped and picked back up again (though we did go through a really rough patch of lack of muse). she has journeyed through this five years of rookies and it’s been insane. that’s the only way i can describe it and i’m still not sure if i mean insane in a good way or a bad (probably a nice mix that leans towards good? who knows). being a five year member comes with some feeling of accomplishment because wow yes i’ve survived five years. but at the same time it makes me a little sad. most of you who have me on twitter know why and if any of you who have read rkmiya’s threads also know that she is very tired of being a trainee. we’ve been in the rp for five years and she was a trainee at the one-month mark for rookies (meaning this january will be her 5th year as a trainee, as the rp is heading towards its sixth year running). keeping a five year trainee muse is exhausting. it’s especially worse when she still hasn’t debuted but i can’t force that on rkmiya. but a lot of her frustration is stemmed from the long period of time in which she’s stayed a trainee. five in-real-life years. seems like a long time, right? but that was one of the leading causes to her two year long muse drag. any of you who were around for the beginning-middle of rk know that i used to write a fuck ton for rkmiya. and i mean it. she’s accumulated over 100+ solos in like her first two years in rk, even before our current point system. if i calculated it now, she has 8 on her current blog (rkmiya) and 124 on her old blog (rkmin). that’s 132 solos over 5 years of rping with threads (mostly paras) in between. after about three years, i felt like i hit a dead end because i had given sunmi (back then, min) a lot of development. i felt like i was scrambling to do things with her and for a long time i had debated dropping her.

thankfully both rkmiya and i are stubborn bitches so i refuse to drop her until she’s debuted whether it’s with nova or another company.

i have been given the grace of having one muse on its way to being debut ready. (and guess what? rkmiya is still a bitter bitch about it). i’m really excited and really pumped. i will say in the recent months (after i changed fcs from miss a min to sunmi), i’ve kind of regained that initial spark i had with the rp. which is nice because it was hard forcing myself to do things for her muse when it just wasn’t there and i was more upset than not to be writing there. most of you would remember that as the era where i prioritised my second muse: rkahnso.

her url actually isn’t rkahnso but it’s just easier to write it as such. but she is ahn sohee and she’s been in the rp since…….2014? and her ride seemed to be a lot easier. in comparison, sohee was given the opportunity to grow as a muse prior to being signed. she handled about 3? rejections before being picked up by trc. it’s nice to be able to have that balance because i wasn’t able to do that with sunmi. chungha, when i finally picked her up, was meant to be a non-trainee for much longer than she was. she made it to a year before she was signed. i’m not sad about it but it’s perfectly fine.

rkchungha came after a few attempts at a third muse (i had jackson, kim minji ‘kimi’ of bulldok and nearly brought in rkmomo). her initial faceclaim was going to be jennie but because the face wasn’t available, she was made into chungha! she’s the most wild of the three which means she’s the easiest to plot with for me. her purpose as a muse was to give me that freedom of a rookie muse because i had spent so long with two trainee muses. to be perfectly honest, i completely blanked on the entire year i had rkchungha. like i didn’t even notice the year pass/don’t have any memory of most of the threads she did in her first year. it’s a weird thing to explain but i feel like i didn’t “zone back” into the reality of being her mun until like march. it was almost like i was rping her on autopilot because unlike my first two muses, i don’t remember much of her earlier days in the rp. but she has grown interestingly and continues to develop and grow. like rkahnso, she was meant to need interactions in order to develop.

(another quick fun fact, rkmiya/rkmin was a version of my kpopxmen muse who was also a min fc because the admins of kpxm were the ones that founded rookies. so i essentially just transferred the muse i had spent two years rping already lol)

as an rp, i think it’s great when it’s at its best. at its worst (for me), it felt like a chore and i felt burdened. i know things are optional and i do not have to do them but when you have determined muses, slacking off is actually more damaging than you realise -- and any of you guy can see that as rkmiya has suffered the most from my two-year-long-rut i was in for her muse before switching faceclaims. so even if things are “optional” i feel obligated to do them because i want my muses to be at top tier they have to be. which means (now) doing three sets of trainee replies and three sets of evals. and because rkahnso is in trc/g, that means i’m doing seven replies a week and three solos (sometimes more bc rkahnso needs more attention with her evaluations) which is fine. i like that there’s prompts to write about with evaluations. it’s just that it gets repetitive very easily and it straight up nearly completely killed rkmiya’s muse before i even switched faceclaims.

i really do love rookies but i was once at a point where i felt hopeless, i felt like my muses were going nowhere and it was so repetitive to do the same thing over and over it was getting exhausting to even open up tumblr. and let me tell you, keeping a muse for five years straight without dropping a single time is such a hard thing to maintain. so shout out to rkmiya for turning 5 years old along with rookies. that’s literally insane. and i cannot tell you how the hell i did it or explain what it was like to force myself to at least do one reply every week and not even fight for trainee points for months on end. but since about may, i’ve been clear out of the rut and i’ve doing the needed replies and chungha is almost done with stamina (at the time that i’m writing this). it’s a good feeling to get as low as i did and come out of the other side with consistent muse, the ability to have new story arcs for each muse and to be an active member of the rp yet again.

i also want to say that i’m really happy with where the rp has grown lore-wise. it’s a lot more in-depth and the decision to include seocho, while completely unrealistic in real-life, makes it a lot more easier in an rp setting! i’ll admit that there is a good blend of rp make-believe that’s added into the roleplay as well as realism (so that we know what to expect without things being too out of hand at the same time) and i’ve always loved that about rookies. and it’s only gotten better and more interactive with time.

ooc wise it’s been a rocky road. not even with me personally but in general. i’ve been here for five years and i’ve witnessed/heard of a lot of messy things. is any rp perfect though? of course not and rookies is no exception. though i will say that personally i feel like it’s an improvement from how it was before in previous years. it’s still not perfect and there are some things i would like to be fixed/dealt with but not one person can push a mountain, you know? besides, there are other things in rp to focus on. my advice is to drop the people who don’t make you happy. don’t even respond to them. remove yourself from them, let the admins know and surround yourself with people who make you happier. as someone who has been in a situation of a year long push-and-pull with someone that was mostly abusive, it’s better to stay very far away from them and ignore that they’re there than to keep trying to reconcile with them. rookies, if anything, has taught me to stand up for myself and not let people say what they want about me or others. i will always stand up for myself and i will always stand up for others when there’s something to be said.

i haven’t made many long-lasting super close friendships in rk. i say this because yes, i have friends/people i know in rk of course but they’re mostly face-value friendships. there are few that are consistent and beyond surface level.

i know i can write so much more about her and it will definitely get a lot gayer because hope has my whole heart on such a deep and honest level but everyone who has us on twitter sees that from time to time so i’ll spare you all. just know that when i say she’s absolutely my best friend, i mean that.

i will say that i am well aware that i’m intimidating to some of you. i am so sorry for that if i come off a certain way. i’m just very…..aggressive in personality. outspoken, i curse (a lot) and i caps as a way of communication (not because i’m yelling at you, i swear) and i say “bitch” as a term of endearment. i encourage everyone to at least approach me because i can assure you i am literally harmless and 90% of the people who met me and were intimidated by me at first now can’t even understand why they were intimidated in the first place. just saying!!!!

branching off from that, i know that because of my own introversion coupled with the aforementioned issue that i speak to very little people in this roleplay. i’m not overwhelmingly upbeat and i really hate group chats but i’m willing to be anyone’s friend. i do go through these periods where talking to certain people (usually new friends) is really overwhelming for me so i need space. and i’m sorry if i ever went from talking to you a lot to rarely if at all. it’s not because i like you any less! i just got overwhelmed and i’m terrible at upkeep. i rarely genuinely dislike anyone. in fact, it takes a lot for me to even outwardly express that i don’t like someone. so if you’re ever feeling like you’ve upset me to the point where i don’t want to be friends or wonder if i don’t like you, please know that you most likely didn't! and i’d love to talk to you any time.

anyways (good job ani for getting distracted from the main point) i wanted to talk more about the connections i’ve made here!

a lot of you know i came over from kpopxmen and from that, i know a lot of people for several years. those people include kyle, jess, d’mi (an ex-rookies member), jenn (ex-rookies), ema (ex-rookies), jaiden and julie (our og admins), adri, phil, razel, gim (ex-rookies) and so many more people that i probably can’t think about mentioning rn. but i’ve went to make a lot more friends here and for that i’m grateful.

to amy: i want to say i’m sorry for confusing you with someone else when you initially joined the rp but i’m not sorry that i did because it put me in a situation where i got to speak to you for the first time and got to know you better. we don’t thread often (i think we have like two in our entire history together) but i love our muse’s dynamic, even if it’s mostly behind the scenes. i’ve come to adore yien so freaking much and i can’t imagine an rk without him. i’m happy and grateful that you trust me enough to talk about things and i can’t thank you enough for being one of the only people to go out of their way to make sure i’m okay when i’m at my worse. i love our tea spilling sessions. you’re the greatest for when i want to rant without judgement.

to marie: i’m still upset you dropped jinyoung i loved his muse u n u lol but for real i really do think you’re a cool person. it makes me wonder what the hell took us so long to freaking speak to each other on a more close level. but you’re so fun to be around and you have a great ass energy and i still have that baby picture of you running away from whatever that was AHAHAH but i’m so happy that we talk more! and omg we have our first ship together (that’s not in rookies but i’m exCITED OKAY WHAT A FUCKING POWER COUPLE) and you have to plot with me on dabin now bc you took jinyoungie away u n u

to nic: thank you for being a good friend to me all of these years. i value our friendship. i find it funny we haven’t plotted with any of your newer muses. HOW THE HELL DID WE MANAGE THAT? anyways i really wanted to say thank you for having my back, for helping me out when i really need it and for letting me rant and bitch to you about things that really piss me off. sometimes talking to you really does keep me sane or else i’d blow tf up for real. for that i’m thankful. we really do have to plot more with our muses. which somehow we’re terrible at? LMAO GJ US

to carly: i will talk about your hentaekai username until my fucking GRAVE because it’s still the most iconic thing to have happened. so for those of you who DON’T know, carly’s username on aim was hentaekai. so when she joined, she had put her aim username in her intro. i just copy and pasted her username into my add list and sent her a simple hello and introducing myself. then…….i returned to see if she was online (because i had sent the message when she was offline) and THEN i realised her name looked like hentai and i fucking lost it. that’s actually how our first conversation went. we then went on to talk about how similar taemin and min (rkmiya) were to an alarming degree. and now we have luna who is miya’s sister! i care about you even if we don’t talk much at all and it’s nice that we can confide in each other about things. i am grateful for you and you always provide interesting insight.

to jess and phil: i put you guys in the same one because we are One LOL. anyways i love you both to the death of me. we honestly have sphere chat for bringing us even closer together and thank fucking god you both let your muses be signed to sphere. rkmin was going nuts on her own it was getting ridiculous. i LOVE the sphere musketeers and i love the family dynamic that the sphere kids had. it really was the precedent in terms of company dynamics. phil, you know howon meant so much to rkmin and i’m glad even to this day we got to have our muses in the same company and i love you~ and whichever 1284239429834 muses you decide to bring LOL. jess, from jonghyun to huidong: i love that rkmiya has a relationship with both (which reminds me, jong-puppy needs to text his noona un u). i really find her relationship with huidong more interesting as the nova parents. it’s actually pretty nice how well the compliment each other and are similar at the same time. i honestly never thought they’d be close but here they are!

to chanel: wow it’s been forever for us, hasn’t it? we’ve been through a lot. although we don’t speak anymore i do value our friendship as it were. we had a really good dynamic going for our muses. it was nice to plot some extreme fucking slow burn for rickhee, who are a complete mess. it’s nice seeing the contrasting relationships our muses have with one another. you do create some fun muses! thank you for being a friend for so long. i definitely do miss talking to you more but i know irl gets a bit busy!

to nova kids: i want to thank you all for the 4 amazing years that sunmi has been in nova! it’s been fun. we’ve seen a lot of faces come and go. we’ve all had our differences with one another but honestly i really love how easily the nova kids can crack jokes on each other and really be playful. even if we don’t get to put it on dash often enough i really prefer the nova kids dynamic of all the companies my muses are in rn and that wouldn’t be possible with every single one of you contributing to that dynamic and it’s always a little different with each muse lineup. i know sunmi wasn’t an og nova member from day one but it really feels that way sometimes. we’re a crazy bunch but it’s fun to be in chat!

to trc kids: i know the company’s dynamics aren’t established if at all but i wanted to thank all of you for plotting with sohee and for dealing with her craziness. although she is more of the shy, eternally sweet kind of gal, she is super die hard for trc and would never dream of leaving. it was never her first choice in company (or her second, truthfully) but she really has come to love the company as it is and that’s all thanks to you guys! (shout out to joi for still having yubin in there since day one!!!! LETS GET THIS MONEY !!!) i also want to give a secondary shout out to mir first giving me great ass plot development for nesshee and for vanessa taking sohee’s first female kiss ic and for forcing sohee to learn that she has to take the good and the bad in situations. it was a very vital lesson she needed to learn. to the rest of the trc crew, let’s keep working towards getting our kids closer!! <3

to kt crew: i know chungha is still new to the kt group and doesn’t exactly fit in yet but i wanted to say thank you guys too! i don’t have much to say because it’s been less than a month being in kt and it’s the one company i’ve never had a muse in so i’m still unfamiliar with a lot. it’s also the company with the most members that i’m personally unfamiliar with. i’m interested in learning more about everyone and their muses!

to everyone i didn’t have the time/mind to mention: please don’t take it the hard way. i just had a lot to write and i’m sorry i didn’t give you a personal shout out. i usually do it to the people who have stayed in my sphere most recently (because then i remember them) but don’t think this means i think any less of you! you’re just as important.

to everyone who has mentioned me in their rkfifth so far: thank you! i didn’t really think i was impactful enough to even be mentioned in someone else’s rkfifth post so it was a nice surprise. honestly there were at least like two of you who mentioned me that caught me completely off guard. (and there’s some who didn’t mention me that i kind of expected to and they didn’t so it’s like a two sided surprise LOL)

to the rest of rookies: whether we haven’t met yet, only talk occasionally or are just twitter mutuals, just know that i’m ready to be friends when you are. it’s been five years and i’ve seen plenty of people come and go (including admin team members) and i feel like my heart will always be in rookies. i just can’t pull away. until rkmiya gets her shot at being debuted i don’t think that damn muse would even let me leave even if i wanted to. so i guess i’m sticking around for a while. why not make the time go by quicker by making some new friends? LOL

if you made it this far (hi carly) thank you for reading my long ass spiel that probably made no sense at some points! congratulations! i made something really nice for everyone. so if you want to see it, please click here!!!!!!

[calamitysshatteredson]

❛ Time is a thief of memory. ❜

Dark Tower Sentence Starters | accepting whenever (drabbles for the non-RP blogs)

“Time heals all things.”  He’d heard that before.  He couldn’t remember… exactly from where.  It felt as if he’d heard it.  And read it, perhaps.  But the voice or attached text weren’t coming to mind.

“Time erases all things.”  He tried again, something that felt more true.  Not completely true; time hadn’t erased him.  Hadn’t erased those tainted with Jenova cells in the Lifestream–and time as they knew it never would, not that he recalled specific details.  Those tainted were trapped, it seemed.  At the feet of a Goddess who may or may not be among them any longer.

Perhaps Gods got to die.  He didn’t deserve that kind of peace himself, but–

Whatever ridiculous thing you’re thinking, stop it.

Sephiroth snorted, gazing down at the suspiciously glowing pool.  That voice again.  One that seemed entirely too familiar and distant at once, like he knew it.  He should have known it.  But a great many names and faces, times and what places used to look like…  A photographic memory only retained so much for so long, it seemed.  Centuries began to crumble things, blur lines…

“You don’t know that I was thinking something ridiculous.”  He argued, standing.

I absolutely do.  The voice’s retort was warm and sharp in his mind.  And if you’ve time to brood, then–

“I have time to travel?”

Well.  You’ve been alone here for years.

“Just a few.”  He countered, though that didn’t really sound any better.  What did it matter, a few years?  Decades?  Was yesterday only the day before or a hundred?  Had the population begun to dwindle, or were they swelling again, telling stories of immortals or soft voices guiding them near glowing water?

Though even when Sephiroth left the pool behind, the voice remained on the edges of his consciousness.  Find them again.  They’ll help you remember.

The four-legged one.  And the man with the red eyes.  They’d known him.  He’d known them.  He really did remember bits and pieces when he was with them, but… he knew only that they were often unpleasant.  The voice, however…  “You’ll not keep me company?”

Not for long.  He had the distinct impression of disappointment.  Sadness.  It’s… best I not speak for you for too long.

“But I like it when you do.”  Sephiroth assured, even if he wasn’t completely certain why.

After a moment’s hesitation, the voice replied, I’m glad.  But I fear you wouldn’t appreciate me much if I spoke to you more often.

“If I remembered?”  It was a guess, though likely an educated one.  He couldn’t remember that, either; if he’d ever recalled the name of the voice, maybe the face.  It was all so familiar…  His thoughts were distracted for a moment as he entered the house he’d been staying in, rather like a giant sea shell ravaged by time but protected by crystalline trees surrounding it.

Yes.  That sounded like a difficult admission more than anything, But if you did remember me–

“Have I?  Before?”  Not that he meant to interrupt, precisely, but it was suddenly something he needed to know.

A much longer pause filled the emptiness as Sephiroth began deciding on what to pack.  Finding the others seemed like it may take a while, after all.  It probably had before.

No.  The voice admitted.  Not yet.

“I will.”  And why he knew that, let alone spoke it more as promise than a threat, he hardly knew.  Something in him ached at that.  “I will.”

It wasn’t until Sephiroth had been certain the voice had completely left him for a time that he heard it again, on the way back out of the house with a ridiculously tattered bag in tow.  Humored and tired and so… so very familiar.  I’m not sure what to hope for, honestly.

Something about the words set him at ease.  He just wished he could remember what that might have been, exactly.

[book-of-conquest]

[I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m turning anon back off. I don’t think anyone will be sending a message but the mere thought is making me panic. Will be editing this post as I add more under the cut soon.]

Where do I start? How do I explain it? Let’s see.

First of all. I would like to apologize. I am so sorry. Please forgive me. Do I seem too excitable? Clingy? Incredulously cheerful over simply plotting or the prospect of interacting or eventhe possibility of shipping? I’m sorry. I don’t try to.

I have been made to feel that people interacting with me is a privilege for me. An honor. Whenever someone considers me plotworthy or shipworthy, I feel like I won a lottery. It’s like pulling a very rare card in one booster pack. It’s like pulling that SSR I wanted in one roll. It’s like getting that natural 20 dice roll.

Why?

Because I don’t feel like I deserve such a thing. My thank you’s turned into I’m sorry’s. Instead of ‘thank you for roleplaying with me’ it instead became ‘I’m sorry. Is it a hassle? Are you bothered? Please don’t force yourself. I’m sorry. Forgive me.’

If anyone noticed, my about page has not been updated much. Some may be wondering, why is my muse being played in such a calm and mellow manner? What’s with all the warnings? What’s with the long guidelines page?

Reiku was chaotic neutral. Reiku was villainous. Reiku was capable of things, terrible things. But he has ‘mellowed’. He was a womanizer. But he has ‘mellowed’. He ‘mellowed’ because I had to make him. I had to mellow him out with the excuse that it came with age.

When I first started Tumblr, I continued it off the plot from where I first roleplayed him. He was desperate to return. Angry against the gods with no care in the world. After going through stage of grief, he simply cared for himself and his own pleasures and what not.

Dark threads were fairly common with me. And I felt lucky to have RP partners that were willing (and often even requested) darker plots. But of course, there were those that didn’t like it.

That would have been fine. If they unfollowed and left, that would be fine. But no, I was made to think that it was my fault. I was made to think that this is how things work.

An OC can’t be better than a canon character.

An OC can’t beat a canon character.

An OC can’t ship with a canon character.

An OC can’t be a villain.

An OC can’t do dark things.

An OC can’t be a hero.

And what happened was... people starting driving away people I want to roleplay with. These days, I try and greet people with waffles, even. Back in those days, I would greet someone with ‘I’m sorry, if anything bothers you at all, please let me know.’ of ‘I apologize if you end up getting bothered by people. I’m sorry.’.

Now, I know that people can be sensitive when it comes to darker things. And believe me, I always always always ask what my roleplay partner wants. Would they prefer a timeskip? Would they prefer to change the direction of the thread? Would they prefer something else? If I don’t get a response, I end up making filler replies to stall until I am sure that the direction of the thread is alright for the other party. I need to make sure that I’m clear. I need to make sure, I’m sorry. I just had to be sure.

Why?

Keep in mind that my muse originally has villainous tendencies. If you unfollow me after this, that is fine. But please let me know if you’ll block me. You see, if you like a person’s post and that person blocks you, it will forever be in your liked post. You can’t unlike it no matter what. And it’s a constant reminder, a constant nagging. You’re blocked. It’s all your fault. BOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD ON THE FLOOR AND APOLOGIZE.

So please, if you’ll block me, let me know first? I can’t... handle seeing those kinds of posts permanently.

Anyway, people started to do campaigns against me. They would see me interact with some people and go message that blog or ‘warn’ them of me.

link

link

And these things confused me. I don’t know why it was happening. Just that it had to be MY fault, right? Because it keeps happening to me only. Other people play villains but they can do things just fine?

So it stuck to me: “It’s because I’m an OC, isn’t it?”

People who knew some of the people going around saying those things go to my inbox to try and comfort me. I was confused but they told me things that I found helped me understand things a bit more.

People were thinking Mun = Muse.

I tried playing a canon character but no, they still went on regardless. No matter what character I tried to play, the moment people knew it was me, it would rinse and repeat.

I don’t see a problem with your RPs, and when I decide to read the entirety of one, I enjoy it. People get upset because they seem to think you force blogs into doing things, which is stupid. It’s not like you can hold them at gunpoint and make them do anything. Jesus people are stupid. Keep doing what you like with your character and fuck the people who don’t like it. I remember when you had a Shen blog and people like… boycotted it because you were running it, and that just reminds me that I hate the majority of the blogs.

people just love to complain way too much and they forget that unless they are the ones getting foreign objects shoved up their butts, they kind of don’t have any room to TALK because THEY/THEIR CHARACTERS are not the ones being violated/broken/whatthefuckever.

And probably the best explanation I got, which I really appreciated from the person that wrote this in a neutral point of view.

I feel, although this is a complete guess, that one of the reasons people react badly to you is because they don’t like seeing someone abusing characters they’ve come to be invested in. One of the biggest conflicts in any roleplaying fandom is between those who want things to be canon and those who are in it purely for fun. When you interact with canon characters, there will always be those who take offence at you ‘torturing, raping and tormenting’ those who they simply don’t want to see that sort of thing done to. Even though you and the other roleplayer are both perfectly fine with what you’re doing, and enjoying yourselves, they turn it into a form of white-knighting and set out to protect the honour of the character in question. I can sympathise with the feeling but I certainly wouldn’t send somebody hate over that sort of thing. It’s a matter of consistency - canonicity within a non-canon universe, if you will. People will always be happy to take advantage of internet anonymity to state opinions that wouldn’t do in plain face and, when you do the sort of RP that you do, there will always be a few who have a sufficient dislike for what you’re doing to get involved. It’s not that they hate you, per se, it’s that what you’re doing is 'wrong’ - not something they can see, or want to see, in 'canon’. In a sense, it’s really not exactly surprising that people would hate someone who had abused or raped a person that they love, is it? Reiku has built up this reputation, deserved or not, and it’s far too easy to paint him as someone who goes around taking advantage of canon characters and leaving them in the dust once he’s done with them. As I’m sure you know, people on the internet often find it easier to hate than they do to simply look away. By doing controversial things, even if they are 'consensual’, you’re going to invite anger from people who don’t want to see that sort of thing happen to the characters they’re attached to. He isn’t overpowered, guilty of powerplaying or being built up as some sort of conquering hero, it’s just that, however infrequent, he’s finding success. Call it the mark of the successful villain, if you’d like, but Reiku is earning genuine hatred because people don’t like seeing him get his way. People call him a Marty Stu, as I see it, because they see him doing things that they really, really don’t like or think he should be able to. Even with his weaknesses, his failings and all the times that he’s been left to suffer alone, it’s always easier to focus on the women, the power and impact he’s left it his wake. Your OC actually gets things done and you RP so much, and with so many people, that he’s seen to have a huge effect all over the place. It simply doesn’t matter that he gets his come-uppance when he’s already seen to have got his way. Like I said: Reiku isn’t really part of a consistent universe so everything he does exists in a vacuum, in essence. You may be treating all his relationships and interactions with equal respect but it’s all too easy to see someone who’s having his way with women from a range of fandoms, even if he’s being shot down more than he’s getting anywhere. It’s just a matter of perception and it’s simple enough to read him as a womanising asshole, who doesn’t give a damn about the women he gets with, and become embittered against him because people simply don’t want to see the canon characters treated that way - even if it’s not what you’re really doing at all. It’s the plight of being an OC, like you say. People usually give far less leeway to OCs because, like it or not, they’re going to read him as someone who doesn’t belong - someone who isn’t on the same level as the canon characters. Reiku is a villain who gets victories, of sorts, over established characters. Whether they’re deserved or not, people are always going to take issue with that.

But I still can’t get it out of my system. I still believe that it’s my fault. I tried playing canon characters but it happened again. So it MUST be my fault.

Until now, I can’t play canon characters. For the life of me, I tried doing so but I was so terrified that I left that blog alone before deleting eventually. I can... only play this OC. I can’t play anything or anyone else.

Every message frightens me. I’m scared. I’m terrified seeing that number pop up on that message icon. The discord/tumblr IM sound makes me jump every single time. I don’t know why I don’t even mute it. It feels like if I did, I might end up flooded without realizing it and the idea of being flooded with messages telling me how I’m a piece of trash that only writes to force my fantasies on people nags at me.

It takes a lot for me to click a follow button, to send a message. That’s why my messages are so... generic. So neutral. Because I’m afraid that I might do something wrong again.

I’ve also stopped suggesting some things. I’m always going to suggest something safe, something that people won’t find anything wrong with (hopefully). I will always ask ‘what would you prefer?’ or say ‘I’m not really sure yet’.

Because I have to be thankful for threading. I have to be thankful for interacting. I have to be thankful for plotting. I have to be thankful for shipping. It’s a privilege that someone like me does not deserve but is bestowed by those who deem me worthy.

Or else, those things might start happening again. Reiku has ‘mellowed’ because if he didn’t, people would hate me again. I can’t have him acting like before nor can I have him display any abilities aside from his tenacity and regeneration. Or else I’m going to lose roleplay partners again and it’s all my fault.

I’m sorry.

[seasonsofreckoningrp-blog]

Congratulations, Ace! You’ve been accepted for the role of Carmen Marques. Please make sure to check our checklist, and you have twenty-four hours to send us your character’s blog. We’re really happy to have you in our family!

A great application, we loved it from the moment we started reading your para sample. It blew us away and it was easy to to notive you've connected to Carmen especially in the extra session where your headcanons gave us the chance of knowing that Carmen will definitely be in good hands, showing that while she’s strong and she’ll always try to get what she wants, Carmen also has her insecurities. We can't wait to see what will happen next in her journey.

Introduction

Hey! I’m Madison, though online, I go by Ace! I’m 18 and I use she/her prounouns. I live in the EST time zone!

Activity level:

I currently admin my own group, and plan to join one other roleplay once it opens, and I’m taking summer courses atv my uni! As much as that seems, I can reply to convos at least once a day, paras every other if I’m SUPER COMMITTED. Because of my college classes, I’ll be active mostly on the weekends and later hours of the day, but I stay logged in on mobile so I am always around to plot and chat! I also make it a habit to be super active during events.

Further contact:

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How did you find the roleplay?

My co-admin Bryn sent me a link! We’re currently trying to find a fun theme and style to re-vamp our own rp, and we really enjoyed the set up of SOR, so I ended up diving into the plot and fell in love!

Roleplay experience:

While I’ve been roleplaying since I was 13, I’ve only been on tumblr for roughly two. On tumblr, I have been a member of La Lune, admin my own rp @darknorthrpg , and am planning on joining @ivoryandbone when it opens! I also write my own original stories, but it’s been a time since I’ve posted anhy online.

Triggers:

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Anything else?

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IC INFORMATION 

Desired character:

The baby bat, Carmen Marques!

Faceclaim:

No changes!

Why did you choose this character?

I’ve been dying to play a vampire for some time now, as there aren’t very many groups that bring the roles to life without being a little on the strange size. In addition, I have a character very similar to Carmen  that I don not use often, and their personalities and rough starts to vampirisim immediately had me clicking with and swooning over Cam! She’s a sunshine of a girl who’s had to turn stone cold to survive in a new world, and the best part is, she was more of a winter person anyways - she’s got a power fetish, a hunger for it, and now she can take and take and never have to hear the word ‘no’ again..

Para sample:

At least three well developed paragraphs in the past tense, third person.

The first drop of blood had been like a drug. A red, sweet, infatuating drug that called out to her like a siren singing the sweetest of songs. That first drop of blood had been her damnation - but it had been her salvation, as well. Carmen could scarcely remember the first time her newborn fangs sunk into the neck of a young man…that one with the brown eyes, who she had smiled at and flirted with and brought to the hell hole that was the vampires’ nest. She had lied to him, yet she felt nothing but satisfaction as her canines tore into his soft, mortal flesh and made her the devil she was today. And then another one had fallen by her hand. And another. And another, for all she could think in those first moments of her birth had been simple and animalistic. Blood.

It had been nothing short of a slaughter.

Carmen glanced over her shoulder, cradling her glass of wine between manicured fingers. That constant feeling of being followed was there, yet as she stretched out her senses like agile little fingers, she felt no one. No one she knew, anyway. Not in this life, or the last. But that dead life was practically non existant, now. Her dead life, which she had locked away with her humanity. Now, her life was blood, enjoyment, and desire. And that was what she felt as her dark eyes flickered back to the man at the bar. Her cat like stare stayed on the heartbeat at his neck, the sickly sweet scent of him rolling into her nose in waves. Intoxicating, and the scotch that was heating up within his veins…delicious.

Carmen drained her glass, setting it down with a graceful movement as she crossed one leg over another and inclined her head towards him. It took him a moment - to catch her stare - but soon enough he was smiling, raising an eyebrow at her. She knew what he was thinking. It was all in his eyes. Brown, like her first kill, which she did not remember well. Brown like so many other lives she’d drained… Those eyes saw her as young. Innocent. But while she was young - no more than a fledgling, really- she was far from innocent. She was a killer, and this was a life she had embraced without regret. And she would not regret taking the life of this man as he stalked towards her, thinking he was the predator and she was prey. Men were stupid things. He would be no different.

She left his pockets empty and his veins dry.

EXTRA

Personality traits:

(-) paranoid - A new feeling, a scary feeling. Once, she did not know fear, merely confidence and determination. Now? Now she knows fear, knows what it’s like to run from city to city with the feeling of something breathing down the back of her neck. She fears her Maker, who she out ran and tried to forget about. She fears the girls she tricked into the mansion, sees them in her dreams with blood dripping from their necks. She fears the humans, what they might do to her if they knew what she was… Carmen is constantly looking over her shoulder, silently jumping at sudden movements. Despite being an immortal vampire, she is new, and she has murdered and killed to her heart’s content. One day, all of her sins might catch up to her, those ghosts of her first slaughter might find her…and Carmen feels like it could happen at any moment.

(-) entitled - The world was her’s, and she’d be damned if she didn’t have it. Spoiled as a child - an only child a that- is the father of this trait, the very reason she walks with her head held high and her lips curled into a sneer. She is the queen of the night, the red maiden in the dark…she feels as if she could take life on a whim, because it is something she has done before. They owe her, the people of this world. For no reason other than that the do - they should kiss her high-heeled feet.

(-) impatient - What Carmen wants, she wants now. It developed when she was small, given to her by her parents and their constantly coddling. Carmen has rarely had to wait for the things she wants, and expects to be given her desires promptly and on a silver platter. She gets frustrated when things take too long, and can easily be described as a spoiled little daddy’s girl. For that was how she was raised - oblivious of her parents struggles, oblivious that not everybody got what they wanted as soon as she did. Now that she has become a vampire, it is more drastic. Because now…when she wants, she can take.

(+) cunning - Carmen has always been a clever thing, using knowledge of people to get the things she wants. Cunning and manipulative were traits she had long before her heart stopped beating. Puppy eyes at her father, and she could have the world. A pouted lip at her mother, the universe. A sway of her hips in the direction of a man…she can read people, know their thoughts at a glance. She is observant, and she uses the things she learns to get what she wants when she wants them. She is clever enough to survive on her own, figure out how to control her thirst, though that is something she rarely does. Her cunning is what saved her in this life, for she figured out how to be a vampire on her own in her own way.

(+) seductive - Another trait she possessed before, one she uses side by side with her cleverness. Carmen is beautiful, this she knows, and this she uses to advance herself where she can. She used it to seduce that vampire who ultimately screwed himself over. By making her a vampire, he only made her more more striking, more ethereal. What once required work and flirtation now only requires a red-lipped smirk or a sideways smile. A flutter of her eyelashes, and another neck is her’s for the taking. Her beauty makes her powerful, but it has also made her hungry. Hungry to seduce more, to kill more, to control more. Beauty is power, but seduction is a weapon.

(+) independent - She has to be. In a world like this, one flowing with supernaturals, it’s eat or be eaten. Carmen had her blood plucked from her veins once, and it won’t happen again. In this dog-eat-vampire-eat-witch world, you have your own back, or you’re screwed. She doesn’t trust anybody to guarantee her safety but herself, a lesson she learned the moment she entered this new life. Gone is the girl who pined after being loved and adored…in her place is a new and improved Carmen, who can love herself. She doesn’t think she needs anybody else. She’s made it this far on her own.

Headcanons:

English isn’t Carmen’s first language. Despite that she can speak it, she learned later in life, and to this day still has a heavy Portuguese accent when she talks, especially when she’s excited or angry. On a day to day basis, she mistakes words for others, scrambles her verb tenses, and often her mind simply says ‘fuck it’ and she speaks in full blown Portuguese (which is very useful when she is insulting someone, which isn’t uncommon.) Though the language barrier can be annoying at times, she doesn’t mind it too much. If anything, it makes her more pompous. Why should she speak proper English when they could learn to speak her tongue instead?

The last moment Carmen remembers feeling human was when she woke up in Pennsylvania. Covered in blood, shaking, and crying — that was the last time she cried, and all because she’d called her mom. Plucked money from a sleeping homeless man to make the international call — the last time she felt guilt. It’d been months — longer, possibly, for the last thing she could remember was tearing into the boy’s throat — since she was supposed to move into her dorm, supposed to call her parents to say she was safe. It’d been hard to press the buttons, and Carmen held her breath as the line rang and rang and the tears slid down her cheeks until it clicked at last. But the voice had not been her mother saying hello. Confused, she asked where they had gone, only to hear the words that had her sobbing. “Oh, they had to sell the house. Nothing left for them here after their daughter died.” The phone slipped from her blood crusted fingers. The crying stopped, and her emotions left. She drained the homeless man dry.

After turning, Carmen turned to alcohol as a coping mechanism. Though her emotions and humanity remained locked away, they still seemed to echo in the corners of her mind, and when she’s had enough to drink, she feels completely in control of  herself.  Partying and alcohol were the easiest things to get her hands on as she began to learn the act or compulsion, and soon dive bars and frat boys turned into champagne and rich widowers. The alcohol wasn’t healthy, but then again, she was no longer human— and that was a fact she learned to accept quickly.