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newestwhiteboyobsession · 2 years

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Two Shots of Vodka - Takami Keigo / Hawks x (f) Reader

In honor of me crying over the first episode of season 6, here's some Hawks fluff! Written in second person, which I don't usually write in so it may be a bit wonky. Yes the title is a reference to that one vine. Enjoy!

Warning(s)- mentions of alcohol, slight angst I guess

When you got a knock at your door at 1 in the morning, the last person you expected to see was your ex-boyfriend.

You and Keigo had been broken up for almost two weeks now, after being together for three years. Things were going great in the beginning, but as time went on, and Keigo spent more and more time away for work, tensions rose, and you ended up breaking up.

You looked at the man leaning against the frame of your doorway, reeking of alcohol. He moved to stand up straight but wobbled and fell back against the doorway.

You sighed, “Keigo, you're going to hurt yourself.” You moved to help him but he waved you back.

“Oh, so NOW I’m Keigo to you??” He demanded, a mixture of anger and hurt in his golden eyes. You tilted your head in confusion, “What the hell are you talking about?”

He leaned his forehead against the doorframe and closed his eyes, “Y-you told me I wasn't Hawks to you. You told me- you told me I was Keigo to you.”

You hesitated, hearing the pain in his voice. You moved forward and wrapped his arm around your shoulders, leaning his weight onto you. “C’mon, Kei. Let's get you to bed, we can talk about it in the morning.” You said gently, leading him to the bedroom.

He squirmed in your hold, “I wanna… talk now.” He said tiredly, “I miss you.” You let him fall onto the bed, and he instantly curled up, shielding himself with his wings. You began to walk away until you felt a hand wrap around your wrist. “Don’t go.” He whined quietly, eyes shining with unshed tears.

Your eyes softened as you sat down next to him. He placed his head in your lap as you threaded your fingers through his unruly blonde hair. “I’m gonna go get you some water, ok? I’ll be right back. Promise.” You said, gently lifting his head and putting his head on the pillow as he closed his eyes and nodded. When you returned to the room with pain pills and a glass of water, he was snoring softly. You smiled sadly and put the items down on the nightstand. You brushed his bangs out of his eyes; his wings ruffled at the pleasant sensation.

“I’m sorry, Kei. For everything.” You kissed his forehead, “Sleep well. I love you.”

You gently placed a blanket over his and left the room to sleep on the couch.

_________ _________ ________

Keigo woke up with a pounding headache. He groaned at the light streaming into the room, and pulled the blanket over his head. His eyes shot open at the familliar smell, and he sat up as he painfully remembered the events of last night.

He noticed the glass of water and bottle of pills on the nightstand and gratefully took them. He rubbed his eyes and got up, stretching out his wings and slightly stumbling out of the bedroom and into the living room.

“Theres tea if you want some.” You said from the couch, gesturing towards the kitchen, not bothering to turn around to face him.

Keigo hesitated slightly, before walking over to where you sat.

You watched as he sat down on the couch slowly, sharp eyes looking anywhere but at you.

It was strange, to see the normally confident number two pro hero so meek and hesitant.

He tapped his knee, and took a deep breath, “I’m sorry.” He started, still not looking at you, “About last night. About the breakup. About being an idiot workaholic who never prioritized you. You were the best thing in my life. And I fucked it up.” “Kei, look at me.” You said softly, making him turn his head to finally look at you, “It’s ok.”

He shook his head, “It’s not ok.”

“Really, it’s-” You were cut off by the feeling of his lips on yours.

He pulled back, nuzzling his nose next to yours, “I still love you so fucking much. I thought I’d be ok.” He whispered, “I tried not to care. But I can’t get you out of my head.”

You rested your forehead against his, putting your hand up to cup his cheek, “You didn't do anything wrong.” You said firmly, “You’re a hard worker, and you care about protecting people. That’s one of the things I love about you.” His eyes shined with hope, “Love? As in present tense? You- you still love me?”

You chuckled, “‘Course. I told you I’d never love anyone the way I loved you. I was serious.”

He wrapped his arms around you and buried his head in the crook of your neck, as you wrapped your arms around him and kissed the top of his head. He snuggled into you, trying to get as close as possible, “Can we go back to the way things were? When we loved each other and it was just us against the world?” He asked, making you nod. “Yeah, baby, I would really like that.” You twirled his hair around your fingers, “How’s your head feel?”

He groaned, wrapping his wings around you both to shield his eyes from the light. You laughed, “I’ll go get you some water.” You moved to get up but he tightened his grip. “Just stay with me for now, please.” He said quietly.

You ran your fingertips down his strong arm, appreciating the muscles he worked so hard for, “How about we go lay down until you feel better?” You offered, making him nod.

He laid down on the bed as you shut the curtains and laid next to him. He draped his wing gently over you and wrapped an arm around your middle pulling you close. You rested your head on his chest, right over his heart; it was just as you remembered, steady and strong.

You breathed in the smell of his cologne and felt your body relax at the familiar smell.

He smiled down at you and kissed your forehead, rubbing circles on your back absentmindedly, “I love you.” He hummed.

You looked up at him and rubbed your thumb over the stubble on his jaw, pressing a kiss to his lips, “I love you too, Kei.”

#mha #mha hawks #mha x reader #bnha hawks #bnha #bnha x reader #my hero academia #takami keigo #keigo takami #pro hero hawks #hawks x reader #keigo takami x reader #anime #anime x reader

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thousand-winters · 9 months

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For the toh asks, 3, 6, 7, 12!!

Hey there 💕

3. Favorite episode? Why? Ramble as much as you'd like.

Man, this one's really hard because TOH has SUCH good episodes, but I'm going to have to go with what I believe is ultimately the popular answer and say Hollow Mind.

It's just so well done, it's been said again and again but the way they make the reveal of past foreshadowing (Belos being Philip Wittebane, Hunter being a grimwalker) is SO good. Even if you knew or strongly suspected, the way they do it makes it so the impact is perfect, both on the plot going forward and the emotional impact it has on the characters as well (like even if Luz doesn't immediately crumble like Hunter does, you can tell it gets to her and it starts building up overtime until it gets to her being full of guilt and straight up suicidal which... uh oh).

The way they make use of established lore with the mindscape, the foreshadowing and more lore we get for the future (wooo for Wittebanes lore but rip for Flapjack) is just so damn cool. Even while filled with dread while watching, the episode is just so engaging to watch that you can get pretty much focused on it during rewatches as well.

Plus, when it comes to more self-indulgent feelings, Hunter finally getting out from the castle and away from Belos + the papa wold Dadrius moment are just too good for me not to enjoy it. Oh! And on that note, Hunter straight up having a panic attack when they got out of the mindscape also was 10/10 for me, because I'm just not used to media addressing how traumatizing some situations can be for the characters, ngl, I was SO happy to see it and even happier when it continued in Labyrinth Runners, as weird as it sounds.

6. A character you didn't expect to love? What made you start liking them?

Not in a dislike sense at all, but definitely Darius lmao.

I vaguely remember seeing him for the first time and thinking "oh, he's so fun, he has such a cool design as well, and his voice is pretty, it's a shame he's a villain. Anyway-" and just continuing being invested in the Raeda disaster happening right there.

Truly I also found his abomination transformation the coolest thing I've ever seen, but in my mind it was like "we're surely not seeing much of him, oh, well" (which is sadly true, but not in the way I thought), so with such an "unimportant" character, there was no way for me to get invested or love him, right?

WRONG. Dadrius attack.

Listen. Listen. I liked him as a character but not so much as a person, I suppose, though again I never hated him because there was just so little of him for that to happen. But then Any Sport in a Storm happened and watching him doing the Head Chop™️ to Hunter was like "god, I hope this doesn't awaken anything in me".

I think from that moment I started toying with the possibility of him adopting Hunter because I was desperate so it was half joking, half serious and as such, I started thinking more about him as well, which eventually ended up with me and my thousand headcanons and theories about him, his backstory and such. As it happens when you're a Darius fan, it's rough out here.

7. Has the show ever made you cry? What scene(s)?

I cry. so much.

So TOH absolutely got to me. I think the first scene that got to me was the one that gets to everyone, Eda thanking Luz for being in her life and telling her goodbye before transforming into the Owl Beast.

And then you know, Season 2 is life ruining /lh.

So I cried in Separate Tides in the same part Luz wants to cry lmao, I cried in Eda's Requiem, I cried in Reaching Out, I cried in O Titan, I cried in King's Tide.

Shoutout to me crying also at Hunter talking about being unable to trust himself in Labyrinth Runners, and I still can't watch Keeping Up A-fear-ances without crying, that one's hitting a little too close to home for comfort, frankly lmao.

I think the rest is also very predictable, Thanks to Them when Flapjack died, For the Future during Camila and Luz's conversation and Watching and Dreaming when Luz dies and pretty much the whole scene with the Owl Trio fighting together, plus the ending. Like I said, I cry a lot.

12. What do you consider the most memorable scene? Why?

Another hard one.

Objectively speaking, I feel like there are two super memorable scenes: The repetition of Luz's speech about "I'm the good witch!" through the show and the way it gets recontextualized each time, from it being just kinda silly and about her using it as escapism a little bit, to her using it to reclaim her belonging to the two worlds she chose for herself and her identity as part of them with all the people she loves.

I would call that one probably the most memorable one. I think the other that everyone remembers, which is why I would say it's memorable as well, is Eda telling Luz the whole thing about how everyone was to be chosen, but if one just waited for that, they'd die waiting, that you have to choose yourself. Even more memorable since it came back during Watching and Dreaming.

Personally, definitely less sweet and less overall plot important, but a scene that haunts me forever and ever is the palisman souls in Belos' Mind finally reaching Luz and Hunter and the reveal that they're palisman souls in the first place: It's so damn chilling when they start talking with the whole "danger! get away from him! run!". Just... holy shit. Okay, that makes me one to cry too, we have established I'm a crybaby ajsfjsdg

I'm just... the amount of compassion for them to be suffering like that and to go "this happened to us, he killed us, please, get away, we don't want him to kill you too, we don't want you to suffer too", especially considering that Hunter had accidentally contributed in some of those deaths. I'm gonna go cry some more, actually, bye asfhsdg

Thanks for the questions 💗

From this ask meme

#the owl house #toh #ask games

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mysticonsheadcanons · 11 months

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Mysticons Fan Season 6 Episode 9: For A Foz

The Mysticons are in a fight with Mallock, as well as the elemental dragon he summoned, which he named Avatar. While the Mysticons are busy fighting Element (yes, I know that's a cheesy name, but Mallock wouldn't care about the name but I wanted to give it one, so Mallock gave it the first name he thought of), they don't notice Mallok putting a spell on Choko. The Mysticons defeat Mallock and Element, but Zarya says that it's probably not the last they saw of them. Piper wonders if Element would ever be good, and if she'll be able to ride him one day.

They get to the stronghold, and they notice Choko seems tired and is unable to walk in a straight line. Sharise points out that Choko was fine right before the fight, and they think about what happened during the fight. They realize that there was a time where none of them was watching Choko or Mallock, and realize that Mallock may have cursed Choko. They go to Malvaron for help, who confirms that Choko has been cursed. However, doesn't know how to undo it. Em says that the current griffin wrangler used to be a vet, so he may be able to help.

They go to Arlain, the dwarvish griffin wrangler. Em and Arlain greet each other, then Em asks him for help and explains what happened to Choko. Arlain says that he knows an antidote that would undo the curse, but the ingradients are dangerous to obtain. Arkayna says that they would do anything to save Choko, and Arlain tells them that they need water from the crystal archipellego, five Ichro berries from the forest of Brynn, and sand from Max Desert. Malvaron and Doug take Choko back to the stronghold to take care of him. Arlain offers to meet them at the stronghold to make the potion.

With their dragons, they get to the Crystal archipellego quickly. Along the way, they talk about their favourite memories of Choko. Zarya remembers finding Choko in the Undercity. Piper remembers disguising Choko as a revenge beast. Em remembers playing portal-bag with him and Piper. Arkayna remembers asking Choko to watch her elf-lova. Sharise remembers being so scared her first night in the stronghold, and Choko going to her room. They get the water easily, but are worried about the time it would take to get the remaining ingredients. They decide to split up.

Em, Piper, and Sharise go to the Max Desert, and gather the needed sand. However, just as they are about to leave, Em falls in quicksand, and Piper and Sharise shortly follow. Piper says they'd be able to get out easy with Zarya's arrows, and Sharise says that they have to find another way out. Shaise says that, if they had some way to attack Piper's hoops to a glaive, they may be able to pull themselves out. Em uses a hair tie to connect the glaive to her hoops, but they don't see anything to stick the glaive in. Em tells Sharise to throw the glaive, and as she does so, Em creates a force field around it. They manage to get out, and Em admits she wasn't sure that would work, but was very difficult to do. They begin to head back.

Meanwhile, Arkayna and Zarya are in the forest of Brynn. Zarya says how this reminds her of the time she ran away from the Mysticons, and Choko was right beside her. She begins to cry, thinking about how she should have been looking out for Choko. Arkayna tears up to, saying that they all should have watched Choko better. She also apoligizes for how she initially didn't see it was important to save Choko when they first met. After a few close calls, especially when Zarya is wiping tears and accidently steps on a twig, alerting mushroom creatures, they get the berries.

The Mysticons meet up on the way to the stronghold, but are stopped by Mallock and Element. Mallock says that he won't let them pass to save their foz, unless they give up their powers. The Mysticons are about to agree, but then Piper sees a young elf with a pet griffin and tells them to stop. She tells them that Mallock will make a horrible world, where all pets would be in danger. They agree with Piper and fight Mallock, eventually winning.

They get to the stronghold, where Arlain is there to help with the potion. The Mysticons are heartbroken to see how weak Choko looks, and Em notices how scared he is. The Mysticons reassure Choko as the potion is made. Once it's made, Arlain gives the potion to Choko, who fully recovers. Everyone takes turns hugging Choko.

#Mysticons #Fanwork #Fan season 6 #episode description #fan episode #For a foz

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after-nine-at-the-oasis · 2 years

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:OOO O.O

Oop yep she said the name

D A N G

Oh gosh that promo looks CRAZY

xDD Like good but CRAZY

Wow

Gosh xdd

That's the end of my last thoughts!!! Woah, that was wild xDD. Now onto the. . .

REVIEW

Wow. That was. . . Wild xDD. Just- straight up crazy lol

Some quick last thoughts, since I said a lot for what I was thinking the liveblog!! Plus some condensing if what I said

Buck, Eddie, and Chim just vibing and seeing if Hen keeps it together is iconic xDd But also Buck's barely keeping it together lol, trying to find peace and all and that situation. Poor guy :((.

Also Evan sir you are gay <3 Just accept it and move on

Nah fr xDD I headcanon him as bi but eh anyway lol

And UGHHH Hen this episode!!! Poor Hen 😭😭😭😭. She does not DESERVEEE THISSSS!!!

I saw something recently that was like I love Henren and I love angst and all but can they have one storyline that isn't super serious or sad, and like xDD Yeah lol

I love the angst but y'all 😭😭😭 You're killing me here lol xD

I like how they're a very realistic couple though and still have emotions even when the other one does yaknow? Like Karen is justified in being upset about Hen forgetting to pick Denny up but also she understands and is still there for Hen <333 Iconic, truly.

Love them :DDDD

Still heartbreaking though xdd. Just watching her go through something like that, something I kind after myself. . . ugh. Torture xdd. I loved it, it was great, but ow xd. ❤️❤️❤️😭😭❤️❤️🥰

And honestly poor Athena :((. And her mom! Beatrice, that's her name. It's so rough when a family member is sick, especially in the hospital, let alone in a coma. I can't even imagine the pain and the stress <33

I hope everything works out with them, besides the uh, yaknow (segue lol)

BODY!!!

LIKE WHAT??? EXCUSE ME???

THAT WAS S H O C K I N G XDDD

More just the fact that there even WAS a body, not who it was lol

Although since that was a prevalent (or at least, more so than any other information about this town) storyline in the past, it does make sense that it would come back up. Still, though xdd. CRAZY.

Also, just. Bathena <333 🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️😭❤️❤️❤️❤️. Crying because they're adorable lol <333 :DD.

Okay I just watched the first 10 minutes and UHH. XDD DANG lol. I kinda figured it was something like that but still xdd. Also a tunnel is a little extra. It was funny and interesting tough lol

And ahhh it was a medically induced coma, okay, I see. Still, it sucks :((. And there's the start (that we see) of her denial too. Poor lady :((. Poor all of them, honestly. Just, oof xdd.

Also, it sucks that he choked a bit (I don't know if I'd call it crashing and burning lol - also I find it funny how with "burning" they had a chance to have the fighters actually fight like. A fire xDD but I get that they're ent more with the crash theme lol - oh wait, back from putting the title at the end, I just remembered it's learn XDD Nevermind then, lol), but I'm sure whatever his face was, 9-1-1 dispatcher boy, will do great :)). He just has to get a little more experience first :D. I think he'll do great <3. Hopefully he's not evil lol.

Overall, I loved the episode. The calls were fun, though a bit sad at times Hen's storyline was amazing, as was Athena's side. Ayy, our besties have an episode :D. Kind of together, but also super far apart lol. Also, poor Buck, honestly. Man is struggling lol. But yeah, I really connected with Hen here so I just feel extra bad for her <3. Anyway, it was a great episode. This season's shaping up to be really good :).

So, that's about it! It was an amazing episode, and I am looking forward to the next one. This has been my review of. . .

9-1-1, Season 6, Episode 2: Crash and Learn

It was awesome! I am so excited for what comes next. It seems like it'll be great! See you next week for. . .

9-1-1, Season 6, Episode 3: The Devil You Know

See you guys then!

#9-1-1 #911 #911 on fox #911onfox #9-1-1 on fox #9-1-1onfox #gayfirefightershow #oasis's 9-1-1 chatter #this was a WILD episode lol #loved it though!!!#and love you guys :)))#bye <333!!

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lesbiangummybearmafia · 9 months

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The Crown spoilers... you have been warned. My thoughts.

I finally go the time to watch the final 6 episode of the final season of The Crown. I wasn't exactly thrilled they broke up the season but in end I think it worked better. To deal with Princess Diana's death kinda solo, than move on with everything else. Personally I'd been dreading it since I knew they were going to tackle it. I'm old enough that I was an adult when it happened, I remember just how devastating it was when it happened in real life. I remember clearly watching the procession with Prince William and Prince Harry walking behind their mother coffin on TV, just sobbing my eyes out. So I wasn't looking forward to reliving that in any

way on The Crown. However I think the series did a remarkable job with how they handled it, as they've handled all the other sensitive subjects. With grace, caring and compassion. Like crash itself, we hear it but they never show anything. Which I really was thankful for. Because at the time they had pictures of what the car looked like after the crash all over the news papers. Which no one ever needed to see! Also perhaps the series didn't want something so horribly to hit during the Christmas season when rest of season was dropped. In the end I do think it was a the correct decision.

I still find it funny how much better looking Prince Charles is the series who played by Dominic West. Not even on now King Charles the lll best day was he ever good looking. In my opinion...

I was so sad when we lost Princess Margaret, I just sobbed. I hated seeing Lesley Manville leave the series. I loved her and Helena Bonham Carter as Princess Margaret. They really made me like Princess Margaret quite abit.

I'm not sure how I feel about either of the actors that played Prince William and Prince Harry. I don't if it's just their portrayal of them or what but I just didn't find myself really connecting with them as the older version of them. I'm also surprised by who they choose to portray Kate Middleton. She good actress I guess (I don't know her), but the real woman is far more beautiful than the actress they chose. I know looks aren't the point here, but well yea.

Seeing Blake Ritson show up as Prince William's Eton housemaster Dr. Gailey was treat. I'm a huge fan of The Gilded Age also where he plays Oscar Van Rhijn. It was fun seeing a familiar face from another series I love.

I love episode where we get to see both Elizabeth and Margaret to out to Ritz to celebrate WWII being over. I was so much fun getting to them being normal girls for a moment, drinking, dancing, laughing, having fun. It was so wonderful. I do think in some respects the series did do a deserves to Queen Elizabeth as showing her almost one dimensional. I remember watching all kinds of stuff about her right after she passed away. One thing that kept coming up from people that actually knew her, work with, worked for and so on was what a great sense of humor the Queen had. The series show a tiny bit of that with speak at Prince Charles and Camilla wedding. But that was really the only time truthfully. I think that was really a missed opportunity to have shown another side to her.

Ok on to my favorite thing they did which was bringing both Olivia Coleman and Claire Foy back. Even though it was just for one episode I loved seeing them again, especially Olivia Coleman, she was my favorite version of Queen Elizabeth on the series. I literally squealed when I seen her. See I had no idea they were coming back so at first I thought I might be hallucinating. But nope it was her, then I started to cry. Then Claire Foy showed up as her version of Elizabeth, which was so cool. The ending was just done so perfectly with all the version of Queen Elizabeth there. When Imelda Staunton version walked through the door at the end into what could easily been clouds, it made think she walking straight to heaven.

Over all I think the whole series was done excellently well. It's definitely worth watching even if British royal family isn't that interesting to you. The series can be seen as fiction meets historically.

#the crown #the crown season 6 #final season #my thoughts

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subwaysurf45 · 3 years

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Winter Makes Ice (Ep.5)

Summary: you’re captured after a brawl at the Avengers building, Bucky and others must save you before Hydra makes a new Winter Soldier out of you, Bucky has given up that title.

Words: 4344

Episode: five

Warning: violence, nudity, needles, descriptions of injury

Masterlist! Winter Makes Ice Episode: Four

Time: unknown

Date: unknown

You knew they had full control over you. There was nothing you could do even though you were conscious all the time, your body did what they wanted but your brain screamed against it. There were times where they’d ask you to do the impossible, they’d make you climb the tallest tree in the forest that surrounded the building and then make you jump down without anything to catch you, you’d land and your ankle would break; the worst was when they told you to break it back in place.

It was like you were sat in a large chair as you watched your life unfold in the cell, your wrists were strapped to this imaginary chair so you couldn’t reach out to block the punch, ankles were clasped so you couldn’t run away. You never became lucid, it was always you watching through the shell of your body. Crying yourself to sleep wasn’t an option, you weren’t allowed to cry, or laugh, or scream, or smile; you were dead on the outside. The feeling of control was so close but yet so far away.

There was a moment, just a moment. More I.C.E. had just been injected as you hung from the cuff restraints, you swung lightly as you dangled there. The cell door closed and the silence you were left with was getting louder by the second, your brain starting to pound like it always did and right at the back of your head near the bottom began to pulse, like you were being stabbed. The pain, hunger, exhaustion built up until that one moment, your eyes were slowly closing but as they closed you could see something right in front of you, something was moving. You couldn’t reach out to touch it because you were chained but as you crossed your eyes all you saw was a little black thing slightly swinging with you.

It was the tip of your nose.

Your fingers had also begun to blacken, it was about to hit your first knuckle.

That was when you let the control fully go to the I.C.E. flowing in your veins, the power to keep yourself above water was only getting more and more tiring. No one had tried to save you so they probably were never going to come. Part of you thought Bucky would be there in less than a day, he’d break walls and towers for you, but it might have just been words to make you think he loved you, just sounds put together as a fake.

Time: 6:10am

Date: October 3rd 2024

“Darling, It’s me, It’s Bucky, you’re safe now.” Bucky spoke softly, he flickered between your eyes and nose. You didn’t say anything, just looked right through him. “I will not fight you, but we need to get out of here, we have to go.” He urged, right when he finished talking you stepped forward, he was shocked to see you move, it was rigid and robotic. “Baby, explain what’s going on, please baby?” Bucky stepped forward and reached out, his hand lightly touched your shoulder but he studied your face as he did so. Your nose would have scrunched up but with the lack of that it was just your eyebrows that pulled together. Bucky looked around the room to try and find any sign of how to get you out of your trance; the papers he flicked through were now getting thoroughly read through. All you did was stare at him, waiting for a command.

“Bucky, it’s all clear down here, some got away though,” Steve breathed heavily as he spoke through the coms. “There's this guy who looked to be the head and he got away, didn’t get a good look at him.”

Bucky turned to you, “who’s the leader here?”

“No one gave their name.” You answer quickly.

“What did he look like?” Bucky left the papers and walked to you, he grabbed a lab coat on the way to cover your scared and naked body.

“Slick black hair. Black eyes. Heart shaped face. No facial hair. Slit through his left eyebrow. Hydra ring on his finger.” Your eyes closed as you computed the man who poured the ice water on you multiple times. “Height: six foot. Weight: around one eighty. Scars, markings, tattoos: none.” Bucky watched you in shock, “any other specifics, James?”

“N-no, well done.” He nodded and threw the coat around you, “we’re going to leave now, okay?” Bucky took your hand and led you toward the door.

Your feet tread silently while Bucky’s combat boots echoed three times down the grey hallway, it scared you every time he’d step. With every loud sound came a hard punch, it was a way for you to brace yourself when they’d catch you talking about your past life. As you walked closer to the doors your fingers found their way to the walls, still grey like the floor but clean, the floor was covered in dead bodies and blood from the invasion.

The doctors and agents you knew were slumped over against the wall or splayed out in the middle of the hallways, some people’s blood had congealed while others still created a larger pool around the Hydra operatives. The smell of death didn’t read on your face but it did on Bucky’s, the smell of the inside of your cell just carried out here it seemed like. You were unaware of your smell, part of you thought it was the lack of nose but the other knew it was the lack of fresh air and being surrounded by copious amounts of blood.

“Where to, Sergeant Barnes?” the feeling of someone holding your hand was foreign, his thumb kept swiping back and forth.

“Call me Bucky,” he looked back with sorrow in his eyes. You stopped walking and lowered your head, “what are you doing?” he asked.

“Waiting for punishment,” you spoke softly, knowing they went easier on you if you knew you messed up. There’d be times where you’d push your luck and stare them down but once you grew tired of being tough you head would bow and you waited for the strike, it was now a reaction to any type of dissatisfactory.

“No, no punishment anymore,” his eyes filled with tears and he brought you under his arms, his lips kissed the crown of your head as he opened the doors. He kept you under his arm as he opened them, metal arm gripping right on your forearm.

The sun was barely meeting the surface and yet you had to squint to adjust, everything had a hue of red. The grass felt foreign under your bare feet as you stepped off the tiles and into nature, your toes gripped the leaves and grass as they walked. Your lungs felt like they were about to explode with the intake of fresh air, your nose could still work but it was slightly harder to breathe, the cool wind blew into your mouth and gripped the back of your throat which made you double over to the cough. Your knee popped out of the front slit on the closed lab coat, you were used to feeling naked and vulnerable; Bucky was the one to close it again.

Steve, Wanda, and Nat all stood by the jet.

Wanda screamed your name and ran up to you, her arms pulled you into a tight hug but you curled in and waited for the strike. She pulled away and the feeling of rigidness, “y/n?” She questioned, her hand coming to cup your cheek but you stepped back and held your hand up for protection. Wanda brought her hands into her chest, she looked between Bucky and you but Bucky just shook his head with a few tear tracks present on his face; Wanda was beginning to develop her own after she looked back at you before turning away.

You didn’t really know why everyone was crying, “Scarlet Witch, Wanda Maximof.” your head slightly bowed, you looked over her to see the others behind her shoulder, “Captain Steve Rogers and Natasha Rominoff, a pleasure.” Their faces seemed worried and Nat looked disgusted, she brought her hand to cover her mouth as she walked up the steps to the jet.

Wanda got your attention again, “hello, we’re going to take you home, alright?” Wanda took your hand, “do you remember me?”

“From?” was all you said as you made it into the jet. Wanda covered sob with her hand as she turned away from you to sit beside Nat, she was also crying.

Steve didn’t even look at you, he walked straight to Bucky. Steve caught him right as Bucky’s knees were buckling, Bucky caught onto Steve and they both slowly made it to the ground. It seemed like they guided each other, both holding onto one another for dear life. It was a common understanding, grief was written on both of them.

“She’s fucking gone, Steve!” Bucky cried into Steve’s uniform, the blue turning navy with the tears. “She called me James! She doesn’t know who I am, I can't- I don know- what did they-”

“Bucky, it’s alright,” Steve calmed him as Bucky began to hyperventilate, “we’re going to get her back, I promise.” Steve gripped onto Bucky’s shoulders and they both stood, a little wobbly but both were extremely tired and light headed. “I’ll handle everything,” they walked to the jet, “just be there for her and I figure everything else out, alright?” Steve made Bucky look at him.

“Sure…” was all Bucky could muster.

They all made it to the jet, you were placed in a room off to the right. Bucky went right in there to see you curled on the ground when there was an examination table in the middle of the room, he kneeled beside you and ghosted a hand down your shin to try and get your attention.

“It’s Bucky, let’s sit up on the table, okay?” Bucky eased but you didn’t move, his eyes closed as he fought with himself. He didn’t want to abuse your injected substance, but he really needed you on the exam table to check your wounds. “On the exam table.” he didn’t speak harshly or yell, it was just Bucky’s normal tone.

You shot up instantly and sat on the edge of the table, your legs hung off it and the lab coat was forgotten, it was still around you but it seemed you were told to be naked so often it became second nature. Bucky turned toward you and stood between your legs so he could get a good look at you, he could tell you were staring deep into his eyes, he didn’t want to look in yours yet, he wanted to look you deep in the eyes and have you pull him in for a kiss, maybe it was selfish but he needed it.

“I’m going to do something called a head-to-toe check,” he informed but he knew you knew what this was. He slipped on the disposable gloves, “I know you have cuts and scars but I need to find active bleeding first, alright?” Bucky held up his hands to show nothing was on the gloves. “Tell me if I’m making you uncomfortable.”

“Nothing is-”

“That’s an order.” Bucky added, “I’m commanding you to tell me if you don’t want me touching somewhere,” he knew he had checked you, there might be a way you could find a loophole in his command and get him further from a checkmate but he was making progress.

His hands gently tapped all around you, he was asking questions as he did so but you didn’t answer any of them. You were now looking straight forward, when Bucky looked to your face for any sign of his girl you’d give no hints or answer. His hands worked down to your chest, he hesitated over your breasts but you gave no indication that you were uncomfortable, when he looked for bumps, bruises, or blood he didn’t find much, just scratch marks that looked old. He did the same when he hit your waist, not a lot of touching but looking, it wasn’t thorough but he knew you wouldn’t say anything and he might trigger you again.

His gloves weren’t picking up much, most cuts were partly healed and the bruises were very noticeable. Part of a head-to-toe check is seeing how the victim reacts to the pressure, if you tap their stomach and they flinch it could be internal bleeding or a broken rib, but you weren’t giving any sign of hurt. He knew you could feel the broken bones and the bruises but you would never tell him in the mindset you’re in. he watched for little twitches in the eye or some type of pull away from him wherever he touched, Bucky wanted to reach in and find your brain so that you could tell him what hurts; he wanted to help you so bad.

“Do you know how long you’ve been gone?” Bucky asked as he picked up your left leg, turning and examining it. He found a deep red mark on the edge of a purple bruise on your ankle, there was the exact same one on the other and on your wrists. He pushed away your hair and moved the lab coat back to find a massive bruise with cuts all around your neck, it was impeccable your vocal chords weren’t fried after being put in that cuff contraption.

“Gone from where?” you asked robotically, you didn’t even look at him.

Bucky was taken back by your answer, he stumbled with his hands as he switched legs. “F-from home, y/n. Shield, home?”

“Hydra is my home, it was where I was created.” your head turned to allow your eyes to lock with Bucky’s.

Part of him wanted to scream and shake your head so hard it might knock a memory back in place, he wanted to tell you of your story and how you both grew. Bucky wanted to tell you about the drawings you do with Steve or the boxing in the early mornings, he wanted to overflow you with emotions but he knew they’d hit a brick wall.

Bucky finished his exam but he needed to keep you for himself for a little longer, he pretended to check your pupils and pulse three more times but all he wanted was to feel the warmth of your skin. His eyes would catch the tip of your nose swinging as he moved you slightly, he had an entire set of questions just for that. But he just kept looking at you for no reason. He’d ask if you’re cold and you’d say no, he’d ask if you were hungry and you’d say no. he’d ask if you were thirsty, you’d say no.

So he stopped asking, “drink this water.” He pulled the little water bottle from the back of his belt loop, the little tear drop shaped bottle fit perfectly in her hands.

You grasped the frosted bottle, it seemed familiar to you. You never got water in your cell, you’d have to suck on the floor after the doctor left; they’d always wake you up by dumping ice water on your head. Calloused fingers gripped and felt the bottle, something was happening in your brain that you couldn't quite understand, you were feeling something deep within you.

“Drink.” Bucky said again.

“Wait,” you whispered, all you saw was black form shutting your eyes so tight. You didn’t see Bucky’s face as he waited to see if this water bottle would trigger something from right before you were taken, this was the water bottle you had introduced to the group.

A picture was unfolding in your head, it was a big room with people all around. There was a couch that some were sitting on while one stood in front of them, the one standing was smiling. The people on the couch were leaned in to listen, some held their chin in their hand as they too, were also smiling. The little bottle of water you were holding was also in this picture, the one standing seemed to be presenting it like a game show host, showing it off as if it was new. The picture began to move and the people standing took a seat next to another person, they cuddled close and began whispering to each other with iggles in between. A pen made its way across the couch and ended up at the two who looked like a couple, one wrote a heart next to their name while the other did it normally.

Your eyes shot open at the sound of the pop, you were squeezing the bottle so hard it exploded. Your eyes frantically searched around and when they landed on the other set of eyes in the room you lunged for a hug.

“Bucky!” you screamed, “thank you!” You wrapped your arms around him so tight. Bucky hesitated before clinging to you like a life source, “I thought it would’ve taken you longer,” you sighed into his touch.

“We left you there for too long,” Bucky whispered, his face his deep in your neck.

You pulled away with tears in your eyes, you looked to him but he kept looking down, “is there something on my nose?” you asked, Bucky was looking between your eyes and nose. Your finger went to touch but pulled away at the feeling of something dangling, “what is that?” you screamed and felt it again.

“It’s the injection side effect, I think.” Bucky added he felt around your face to try and see if you were actually real or if this was some sick joke Wanda was playing on him.

“What injection? They just took my blood once so far,” you shrugged and felt the back on your head, “there was a scab there before, it hurts like crazy, like a pulsing thing.'' You brought your other hand back to try and find that scab you felt what seemed like hours ago. Your hair felt dirtier than the last time you remembered, it was one big clump when you moved it.

“Sit down.” Bucky said, you moved back on the seat without a second thought.

With wide eyes you looked up to Bucky, “I didn’t want to sit...Bucky what did you do?” you asked, it looked like you were glued there as you tried to get off.

“What day is it?” Bucky asked cautiously, his hands coming back to cup your face.

“September twenty third, I didn’t hit my head it’s not a con-”

“It's October third.” Bucky breathed out, “oh my god…” he whispered and pulled you into another hug, he gently rubbed your back as you stayed rigid in his hold.

The plane began to drop and Bucky knew it was just landing but with everything rushing against you like a title wave it felt like the plane was crashing. Bucky held you tight as you slashed around in his grip, pleads to any higher power you could think of to keep you alive didn’t seem to work. The plane froze and you stayed gripped to Bucky, he brought you out of the medical room. The three others just looked at you, not wanting to get their hopes up. But when you ran over to them and asked what day it was they seemed to be more disappointed, they just pulled you in for a hug and tried to calm you down like Bucky did.

All at once medical staff open the jet doors, people rushing to you and you. Bucky was trying to cut through the crowd to get to you but medical staff were getting in the way and holding him back, he could see your frantic search for him.

“You’re gonna trigger her, s-stop, this isn’t-”

A medical staff member flew back and knocked a few others over, everyone began to calm down and slow their moments. You were right over the person you pushed trying to help them up, apologizing profusely, they kept moving back and away from you.

“Y-you were holding a needle, I’m sorry.” you eased.

“Sedate her!” another yelled.

You ran down and out of the jet to try and get away from the many needles that, what seemed like, every medical member was holding. There was just noise surrounding you, vision began to tunnel right when the pounding in your ears began, at the back of your head there seemed to be a knife stabbing you.

“Get a gurney!” the voice cut through the shouts and chasing.

Everything stopped and you froze from your worried state to complete your mission, someone ordered you to find a gurney, you must complete it. There was one waiting outside, you walked over with your back straight and your chin up. There was no need to look behind you shoulder but you did so anyway to make sure no threats were also in need of the gurney, everyone behind you was just still and watched you. This must be a test, after that realization you did everything quickly and efficiently to avoid punishment.

When you brought the gurney to the voice who shouted it they told you to get on as well, Bucky was by your side and offering an arm to help get on but you didn’t take it. People were shouting orders to one another and you kept trying to get up to fulfill the command but Bucky kept holding you down. Some medical staff were trying to shove him away but he stood his ground and kept a hand holding you.

“Why do I keep wanting to do all these things?” you frantically aske as you tried to stand again.

“I’ll explain later, don’t worry,” he squeezed your hand as you made it into your exam room. Hands felt all around you, the lab coat was long forgotten so you sat on the table naked. Bucky was right against the wall and kept an eye on you, though your brain was next to scrambled eggs he could still read you like a book.

“We need to take some blood, might also need to give something to sedate her.” it was, what looked like, the head of this team that spoke.

Another picture flashed before your eyes. The needles and this blue liquid that went into you. Bucky had told you something called ‘ice’ but you didn’t know what that meant. Blood would be taken from you then without you looking, they would stick whatever serum Bucky was talking about in your arm. Voices and sounds rushed into your head as these pictures moved and changed to show that you weren’t there for as long as you thought you were, in your mind a different doctor repeated the same motions over and over and over again. You were covered in water and somebody was talking over you from inside of the cell, their voice seemed as though they too were underwater so you couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, but one part stood out. They were saying how they did this all without you noticing, how you were too confident, how you were strong and yet you’d look away from the needles when they were stuck into your arm.

All of these people who you failed to remember that were surrounding you now, all had needles and some had already taken your blood, but you were going to be cautious now, you were going to be aware because you didn’t want to forget everything again. Before anyone could stick anything else in you, your arms flew out to the side and gripped as many syringes as you could, they were smashed to the ground and the clear liquid spilled and dripped on the floor. People were beginning to hold you down but you broke free from their dead grass pushing away the velcro straps that were about to go around your ankles and wrists.

Someone managed to get a strap on your left ankle without you noticing, that sensation of being cuffed made another picture float in your mind. It was a large metal contraption with silver Cuban links and five cuffs, two around your wrists, two around your ankles, and the final one went around your neck. Once they were all attached to you, you were suspended in the air as your entire body weight was being held up by your limbs and neck, even though only one bound was attached to you now, you could still feel the weight of all of it crashing back onto you.

With one large tug the Velcro cuff snapped, you tried to get up and off the table to run to Bucky, he was the only one left in the room that you knew and trusted. He was also trying to make his way to you simultaneously, reading the fear etched deep into your eyes. No medical staff was trying to hold him back so he ripped through all of them and got to you quickly, you couldn’t really hear what he was saying because the pounding in your head that was pinpointed right at the back of your neck was starting to pound into your ears. But you could make out his lips that were moving, you can remember faintly kissing them, the feeling was on the tip of your tongue but you couldn’t quite make out what it really felt like. He was telling you it was going to be okay, at one point he said that you could sleep now and that he’d be there when you wake up, you really didn’t want to trust him but you were so tired and your head hurt so bad.

You didn’t even see or feel the syringe plunge deep into the crook of your neck as he held your face and made your eyes look right into his.

Winter Makes Ice tag list: @small-death-and-codeine @commonintrest @buckyys-doll @lil-baby-nor

let me know if you want a tag!!!

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sweetbuckybarnes · 2 years

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Halloween

Pairings: James Maguire + Erin Quinn

Summary:

"There is no bigger night in Derry than Halloween, and the gang have miraculously secured tickets to the gig of the century and the chance to meet their idol, Fatboy Slim. But when Da Gerry arrives unannounced, it becomes clear that life will never be the same again for the friends." Summary for Season 3 Episode 6: Halloween. @derrygirlstrash

Halloween 1997

After James and Erin shared their first kiss in the 'haunted/abandoned' house - the entire group was quiet and a fair bit awkward.

When Michelle came running into the Quinn household, bypassing Erin's granda on the phone (she was closely followed by Clare and James).

She immediately started yapping everybody's ears off, not noticing the shy and meek smile shared between James and Erin, or the worried looks Mary was shooting her father in the passage.

"Erin? Are you listening?" Michelle asks. "5 tickets to Fatboy Slim!" Pushing the tickets toward Erin's face.

"Hm?" Erin snapped out of her thoughts. "Oh, well done, Michelle. When is it?"

Michelle pushed the tickets closer. "Halloween. October 31st!"

"I was going to go trick-or-treating with Mammy and Anna," Erin replies, as she put her toast on her plate.

"There's always next year," Michelle says.

"It's the first Hallowe'en Anna can possibly remember. And I want to be there,"

James watched as Erin battled with Michelle over going to see Fatboy Slim in Belfast.

Mary rolled her eyes, as she put a piece of toast in front of the wee English Fella. "Morning, James, love," she tells him.

James pulls his eyes away from Erin, to look up at her mother. "Morning Mrs. Quinn," he replied.

"I have told you, you can call me Mary,"

Hallowe'en rolled around, and everyone had dressed up in different costumes (Erin reusing her red wig from their Children in Need performance).

Using said wig, Erin found a purple dress, as her costume was Daphne from Scooby Doo. She would soon find out James would be dressing up as Fred - also from Scooby Doo.

An accidental couples costume for the non-couple.

Michelle decided to dress up as Cher from Clueless - after having forced the group to watch it for nearly 2 months straight.

Orla decided on a '70s disco costume after they watched old videos from when mary and Aunt Sarah were their age.

Clare was the only one who didn't get dressed up - as she was unable to find the dress she wore to their 1950s prom.

Halfway through Fatboy Slim's performance, Erin felt a tap on her shoulder. Expecting it to be one of the girls or a random stranger, she turned around and saw her dad.

"Daddy? What are you doing here, it doesn't finish for another hour?" Erin asks, leaning closer to her father to hear what he was going to tell her.

"I think it would be easier if I told you outside," Gerry tells her.

Erin turned around and saw James was nearby. "My da's here. I'm going to see what he wants,"

"Daddy, what's going on-" Erin stopped talking. "Have you been crying?" She asks, feeling someone standing behind her. Turning her head, she saw the rest of the group.

"Something's happened," Gerry said.

Everyone was silent. "Mammy?" Erin asked. "Anna?" Gerry shook his head. "Granda?"

Gerry didn't say anything.

"What happened?" Orla asked, granda having become a surrogate father to her.

"Is it to with the phone call this morning?" Erin asked, and Gerry shook his head again. She felt the presence of James Maguire, as his hand came to rest on her upper back.

Clare and Michelle huddled around Orla. "Granda's had a heart attack," there was no easy way of putting it, rather than simply spitting out what he needed to say.

"Oh, Christ!" Erin nearly collapses, and thankfully James was standing behind her - and was able to catch her.

Tears were shed, and Orla was taken into the car as Erin slowly calmed down for the sake of Orla.

"Michelle?" Clare said, pulling James and Erin's attention away from each other to the Mallon daughter. "Where are you going?"

"Fatboy Slim," Michelle said.

Which silenced the entire group. Erin turned around and saw the car doors were shut (even with Gerry waiting against the driver's side door, so there was no chance of Orla hearing her).

"Are you serious, Michelle?" Erin asked, pulling herself away from James' embrace. "My granda is laying in a hospital bed, we may have to bury my granda," Erin started to choke up. "And you're going back to a concert?"

Michelle tried to say something but was interrupted by Erin. "Don't you dare! This could and will change my family, forever,"

"You go back to the concert, then you and I are done," Erin said, turning on the spot she stands and heads towards the car as she never looks back.

#derry girls #derry girls fanfic #possible derry girls spoilers?#season 3 episode 6 halloween #james x erin #erin x james #james maguire #erin quinn #michelle mallon #orla mccool #clare devlin #mary quinn #gerry quinn #anna quinn

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disappointed-and-depleted · 2 years

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Every Single Moment In One Piece That Made Me And My Cold Dead Heart Genuinely Cry (Or At The Very Least Tear Up A Bit): Spoilers If You Haven't Watched, Obviously

Rated by how much I cried

Dr. Hiriluk's death (9/10 the first cry is always a good one)

Usopp desperately wanting to fix the Going Merry after being seriously injured himself (6/10, heartbreaking)

Pretty much everything about that whole Merry fiasco (fat fucking tears, that shit hurted my soul)

Robin saying she wants to live (9/10, her backstory hit hard too)

The Merry coming back to save everyone 😭😭😭😭😭😭 (10/10 I cried about it for a week)

The Pantsless Franky Chase™ and the aftermath (1/10, it had my cry laughing and bit sadness)

Nothing happened, nothing at all aka Zoro's encounter with Kuma and sacrificing himself (1/10, I didn't really cry, but it was certainly something)

The recording last performance of the Rumbar pirates for Laboon (9/10, I love Brook so much and Bink's brew makes me cry just hearing it)

Luffy's desperation to save his crew from Kuma, and failing (5/10, it just adds to the pain that comes later)

The flashbacks of all the members joining the crew with the ballad version of Bink's Brew playing in the background (7/10, the music made it worse)

Pretty much the entire episode of 405 (shit hurted, man)

Bonclay sacrificing himself AGAIN at impell down (7/10, the fact that everyone was trying so hard and he still had to be left behind)

Luffy so desperate to save Ace (8/10)

Luffy holding onto his dying brother, crying (9/10)

Its painful to watch

Ace's last words aND DYING IN LUFFY'S ARMS (10/10)

I'M STILL WRECKED OKAY, DON'T TOUCH ME

Luffy's reaction to him dying (10/10, I cant remember Luffy ever crying like that and it freakin hurt-)

This didnt make me cry but Koby straight up having a panic attack on the battle field, was kinda intense (3/10, yeesh)

Christ on a bike

Luffy's rampage through Amazon Lily, processing Ace's death (7/10, I had gotten over it a little bit by then but Luffy sure didn't and his pain is my pain)

Flashback young Ace "I'm never gonna die" speech/promise (2/10, cause I'm still not fully over it)

Luffy crying and doubting his dream of becoming king, calling himself weak (3/10, this is the most I can remember Luffy has cried the entire show this point and it was kinda heart wrenching)

The Fish Princes and Princess interrupting thier mother's funeral to give their speech (3/10, I felt really bad)

Chopper's anger and grief at the Punk Hazard children being experimented on and then going through withdrawls (1/10, I only teared up a little bit but I dont like it when my child is mad, also really uncomfortable to watch)

The one legged toy soldier aka Curos' backstory (5/10 yeouchie my feelies)

CORA-SAAAAAAN 😭😭😭 (8/10, fucking fucky fuck, owww)

Fujitora's "I wonder what he looks like" monologue (1/10, very sweet)

Sanji beating thE FUCK OUT OF LUFFY, HOLY SHIT (6/10, felt like I was kicked too)

I haven't finished watching Whole Cake Island but I'll probably cry some more, One Piece has hurt me in ways nothing else has

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incurablyromanticsblog · 3 years

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Don't know how people are gonna feel about this but Loki should've been dealt with the way they dealt with Lucifer (from the Netflix show) I mean while the show straight up dismissed loki's feelings, lucifer netflix really showed us the natural and organic character growth with ups and downs while still maintaining the comic hilarity (WHICH WASNT AT THE EXPENSE OF THE MC). It's love interest and side characters are all original characters dealt as independent characters rather as brownie or plot points.

And the scenes that prompted me to think this?

1. Lucifer asking his Mazikeen to cut off his wings because he's moved past being a pawn in his father's 'Great Plan'. We could've had loki come to this conclusion and tell Mobius (who would've been an actual all out ally who was forced into doin lg what he did) that he no longer wanted any place in a land that hated him. (Once again like Lucifer calling the silver city hell)

2. Lucifer actually being the way he's supposed to be (angel of light, light bringer etc.) We could've had Loki act like the way he Actually Is. Not like how @iamnmbr3 so eloquently put it 'like larry the dumb lookalike'. We could've had Loki being stern yet having that air of sarcasm and wit that he had in his the films. His eloquence, his physical prowess (none of the falling flat on his face stuff, a lot of people talk about how he was trying not to hurt the people in ep 2 but srsly Loki would just immediately disarm them), and most of all his agency and refusal to cower or the pathetic attempts at lying.

3. Costumes. The lucifer netflix team had an extensive costume department that ironically pales in comparison to what disney is capable of but still we see Lucifer have a wide array of clothes and styles. Have Loki take the first chance to change his clothes. If he wants the 50s aesthetic have at it! he can wear the tuxedos and the nice leather. Or maybe change into some nice Viking-inspired leathers and battle armor. Have him as a pirate, or a knight or a cowboy. You're traveling through time good man! you can at least hit some of the cool spots.

4. In depth analysis of lucifer's mental health. the only episode of the Loki tv show I liked (loose term) is the first one cause it's the only one that gave a fraction of what we were promised: an insight into loki. That's it.

5. Lucifer's organic growth. This is self-explanatory. Loki watched one video and was good. Very good five stars. I understand that they only had six episodes but come-on. You could've had the subtle changes through out all the eps and lead to the big finish finally. With each episode focusing on certain aspects of Loki.

5. Lucifer's exploration of self-loathing. This deserves to be a separate point because Istg it was done so well. Basically lucifer messes up and he's faced with the hatred that's been conditioned into him (not unlike Loki) and then he learns what it is and actually tries to love himself. And not by kissing a female variant of himself (ew and also respect the gender fluid persons). He actually saw the good in him by reflecting and his actual good friends helping him.

6. Lucifer actually wanting to be good. Look Idc what shut mike waldron wrote, loki is not selfish when his whole arc has been doing things for asgard, thor, odin, frigga etc. We all know that New York was mind control, I do not know why it's being swept under the rug. But here's the thing, that self loathing I mentioned earlier is a huge part of Loki thinking he's some monster and intent on proving it.

7. Lucifer facing his 'devil-face'. Loki should've come to terms with his Jotun heritage. The TVA could've had a case in Jotunheim concerning the Royal Family and Loki could've seen the entirety of Jotunheim and it's people not just that most-likely war propaganda the Asgardians force-fed him. Maybe have him meet his siblings or better yet his mother. There's a very nice fic on A03 called Asgardian Galdr that deals with this beautifully.

8. Luicfer having a Breakdown and Crying: First off this happens gradually, his problems pile up etc etc. and he faces off his father and gets angry until he finally breaks down. And basically God says, "I'm sorry but i can't fix you," And Lucifer in all his grief and desperation asks, "But you're God,'. I know we talk a lot about Loki being made weak in the Show but that's specifically about him being made weak and helpless to make Sylvie seem like a stronger character (Don't get me started on the Sif and Narcissm scene istfg), But maybe seeing Loki try awkwardly to be good and near the finish of the show we see it blow up in some angsty way? only for some conversation like this to happen and have Loki understand that being good is something that is innate and something he already had the potential for all along. Maybe learn that he's not lawful good but as always the morally grey character we know him as. (Protector of misfits, god of outcasts i.e all the shit Marvel shat on) and rise as the God of Chaos and Stories against the rigid bonds of The TVA and essentially Kang.

9. Lucifer having a nice healthy romantic interest and relationship. Lucifer and Chloe's relationship is more often than not the main point of the show but no matter how much it is focused on it remains health, organic and not a weird allegory for something disgusting. Even if Sylvie weren't a Loki (once again ew) the whole dynamic was toxic. She constantly put him down, and invalidated his feelings (Sounds like Odin huh?) and guess what Loki fell in love with her after one day, one conversation of what love was and Mobius calling her his girlfriend (he also said that it was freakish and i agree). We could've had Sigyn sweet lord. (I'll make another post about this)

10. Lucifer's Sexuality. There is a whole episode in which Loki's paramours are getting murdered and they all vary from men to women to all that comes in between. And there's no shame, no offensive jokes. Have Loki flirt with dudes, i understand ms.karen that this is for children, don't worry the casual sex ;) was offscreen. Have Loki turn into a woman and flirt with woman cowards, maybe make some questionable remarks about horses (That make Sigyn laugh)

11. Lucifer's Powers: lemme sum up, Lucifer can, let's call it, use compulsion on people. He is known for his strength and prowess and abilites to grant favors. Have Loki shapeshift into animals, absolutely mauling people. Have him use his silver-tongue to coax people into making or changing history (Yes Brutus, Caesar is getting to be a bit much, say have you heard how sharp knives are?)

I'm pretty sure there's more that i can't remember rn. And here is one thing i would like to make very clear.

You are not bad for liking the show or hating it whatever. The problem is that the show framed a lot of bad things as good (Anything the TVA did, Mobius' torture session with Loki, the way Sylvie treated Loki only for them to become romantic partners, the Sylkie fiasco as it was offensive to genderfluid people and the bare fucking minimum of LGBTQ and POC rep). The show was also marketed specifically to make us think hey! Loki might actually be the main character only for it to blow up in our faces. We were also promised an actual plot rather than a constantly plot twisting concept that could've been worth something.

Also i'm still working on a Loki fic rn after which i will write a Loki(TV) Rewrite but unitil then ig.

#loki criticsm #loki negativity #sigyn #loki x sigyn #lucifer #lucifer netflix

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inuyashaha · 4 years

Text

Yashahime Episode 15

I think so many of my feelings and observations have been stated by others at this point, but here go my rambling thoughts anyway.

First the negative: It was an oddly structured episode. The introduction threw us straight into the past, very, very briefly framed by Riku as the narrator. Did Riku break the fourth wall or were we to assume a listener we did not see? I’m still not sure. So much information was thrown at the audience that it did not feel like there was enough times to savor the emotions of the moments ... very very important moments that showed us Inuyasha and Kagome’s home and married dynamic, pregnant Kagome, RIN HAVING HER BABIES with Kaede, Sango and Kagome being there (I LOVED that), Sesshomaru taking his babies...I’m willing to wait and assume this rushed narrative is on purpose, but it was a little jarring.

Now the good:

Rin is the mommy! I knew that. I was convinced on August 1st during the livestream, but it was a sweet (if all too brief) moment. Mamiko Noto’s voice as Rin was so perfect. It was sweet, but it was subdued. It was the voice of a someone who had just birthed twins and knows something awful is about to go down. To hear her name the babies was a beautiful moment, and how sweet were baby Towa and Setsuna. Towa looked a little grumpy/sleepy, but baby Setsuna was already smiling :). I do think they will show that Setsuna, deep down, is a smiling sweet girl like her mother and that circumstances made her like she is. It also makes me think that we have only seen one side of Towa -- we haven’t really seen what she has inherited from Sesshomaru -- yet.

I loved that all of Rin’s friends surrounded her and helped her have her babies. The twins hurrying to get Kaede, Sango going for Kagome...it was a community event! But seriously, to know that if only for a short while, Rin got to be surrounded by love and peace with her babies by her side makes the bitterness of Sesshomaru taking the babies so quickly afterwards a little easier to bear. Just a little. Sango the experienced mom. Kaede the midwife. Rin the new mom. Kagome the expectant mom. Imagine the conversations and bonding. Their kids should have grown up together :(.

And I am going to speculate, until the show proves me wrong, that Rin probably had her own hut and continued to live in the village after she married Sesshomaru, or at least after she got pregnant. The fact that the twins came to get Kaede at night makes me think that she was not in Kaede’s hut. Wouldn’t Kaede be at her own place at night?

Like Inuyasha and Kagome, I think Rin and Sesshomaru had their own place:

This looks different from Kaede’s hut. I don’t remember the little pathway on the left, but it’s impossible to tell if they are next to the gate here. Again, I’m choosing to believe they had their own place.

So, this makes me consider how much Sesshomaru really did settle down for Rin. He gave up his titles. He did not take her to a castle in the air. He let her stay among her friends and start a family WITH HIM but still within the village. He gave her the best of both worlds. He MARRIED her. How many times was she called his wife or bride? She’s no concubine or human piece on the side. He MARRIED her. Since he had not seen his mother in a while, I’m assuming he married her in her village, letting everyone know she wasn’t just some poor village girl taken advantage of by the powerful yokai. And it clearly wasn’t just a human marriage. All the big bad demons called Rin Sesshomaru’s wife. What honor, respect and love he showed to her, a mere human peasant (though of course we all know she is so much more than that, especially to Sesshomaru).

Was he like many lords and installed her in her own home, visiting and staying with her when he did not have business to attend to? Or did he tell Inuyasha that he better get used to having another demon hanging out in his forest by the village? Like...for all intents and purpose, Sesshomaru may have been living in the same village as Inuyasha, both intending to raise their families together. I love that. Please Yashahime, don’t dissuade me of this.

Poor Sesshomaru...sigh...I know it doesn’t look great for him right now...but that will change. The story is not going to make him the villain. It’s just not. But yes, poor Sesshomaru. He got to be happy about his babies being born for all of about two seconds before Zero interrupted him. Look at his little smile while he listens to his daughters’ first cries:

He had his worried face on, and then he smiled. He’s a dad in the waiting room. And the TONE of Jaken’s voice when he declared that they had been born. The WARMTH, the LOVE. Grandpa Jaken I love you so much.

This bitch, though, I don’t love at all:

Does she have some kind of magic yokai ultrasound that lets her know Sesshomaru had twin daughters and predicted Kagome would have a daughter? I look forward to seeing how this all unravels, but the fact that she showed up IMMEDIATELY after the girls were born is frightening, and maybe that was why Sesshomaru was at the outskirts of the village instead of closer by? Clearly, they were expecting some kind of attack, but dang...that happened fast.

Who is this lady anyway? I’ve seen it speculated that it may be Riku’s mother...and yes? I could see that. Did she have a hanyou she was not allowed to keep, poor Riku tossed overboard, and now she seeks revenge? Or was she rejected by Toga? Those tears of hers. Who was she crying for?

As many others noticed, this was a little odd:

What about Sesshomaru’s mother? He hasn’t seen her in years (such a bad son), and when they go to her castle, she’s missing. Was she just off doing flying dog stuff in the sky? Was she shopping for expensive jewelry and designer silks? I’m assuming she was not at Sesshomaru’s wedding. Or did Zero do something to her and Sesshomaru just wasn’t aware? I’m dying to see more of Sesshomaru’s mom. I want her to meet the twins and just throw out her arms all, “Come to Grandma! Let me buy you things and tell you stories about your dad.” But that remains to be seen.

Speaking of grandparents, can I say yet again that I love the honorary grandparents Kaede and Jaken, both trying to protect Rin in their own way. Kaede doesn’t hold back and calls Sesshomaru a fool (imagine what she was like when Sesshomaru was truly courting Rin) while Jaken comforts Rin when her babies are taken away. Again, the voice acting by Jaken’s VA is EVERYTHING in this episode. The LOVE he conveys. He’s perfect. I love him. I do.

And Rin knew the plan. She knew what was going to happen, but poor thing...I wish it could have been different for her. Look how much she loves and trusts Sesshomaru. That expression clearly says “Look what I made! Look what WE made!” I wish we could have seen them react to the babies together.

Also, look at how Sango is about THISCLOSE to putting on her slayer clothes and kicking Sesshomaru’s ass when he scooped up those babies and turned away:

The rest of the episode was such a jumble of events. Sesshomaru AND Jaken were with Inuyasha and Kagome when the comet arrived, which was after the twins’ birth but before Moroha’s. Even if they are hanyo, I don’t think Jaken and Sesshomaru would have left newborn babies alone. Rin was with them. Jaken even said he was bringing Rin to them (I assume after she recovered from birthing twins). Further supporting this would be the dream gazing spell business -- Like others have said, I’m pretty sure Rin sacrificed herself to keep her remaining daughter safe after Towa was pulled into the future.

Miscellaneous observations:

1. What the hell is going on with the comet? Every 500 years? So, the Higurashis might be in for a surprise pretty soon? Comet remnants are still in the sky though...

2. Why in the hell did Inuyasha bring his pregnant wife along for the comet destruction? Why exactly was she there? Unless he was too worried about her safety to leave her behind?

3. Riku is one shady fellow. HE found the compact? How did he know where to look? I know, I know. Don’t be hasty, but c’mon. We don’t have that many episodes left.

4. I like how they portrayed a pregnant Kagome. I like this little side view where you can see she’s chunky, but it’s not an exaggerated thing:

5. Sesshomaru and Rin had babies before Inuyasha and Kagome! On one level, it is very sweet. Of anyone, Rin and Sesshomaru are very aware of the fragility of life and how fleeting time is. Look at the names of their daughters. It makes sense that they wanted a family quickly. On the other hand, I cannot shake the idea that the brothers did get competitive with each other. I can imagine Inuyasha knocking up Kagome as quickly as possible after finding out that Rin was pregnant. Then Sesshomaru has TWO daughters to Inuyasha’s one. I am longing for some brotherly interactions. Let Inuyasha call him a hypocrite at least once. Let Sesshomaru gloat that he has TWO super awesome daughters. Let the daughters watch their ridiculous fathers fist fight while their mothers pour water on them and tell them to SIT. Please.

6. Besides emphasizing the fact that Rin is Sesshomaru’s WIFE, the episode also emphasized the fact that Rin actually birthed the girls. Rin is in labor, it will be soon, you did well, Rin, Rin resting in bed with her daugthers, her voice weak and tired, the tub used to wash the babies in the background. There was no magic switcheroo. The twins were not found beneath a tree. Sesshomaru did not sprout them from a forgotten limb. They came out of Rin’s body. She’s the mom. She made them with her husband. End of.

6. Finally, this is the best part of the episode.

You sure did, Rin.

Now where are A-Un and Shippo?

#yashahime #yashahime episode 15 #yashahime spoilers #sessrin #rin #sesshomaru #towa #setsuna #jaken

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swanqueensalad · 3 years

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Is your question thingy still on? if so, would you rate top10 episodes to watch if you want swanqueen :)

ahhh this is such a good question!! and my ask box is literally always open for anything, i love chatting with y'all <3

this is Not a comprehensive list, just ten great ones that come to mind (plus two bonus ones and a lot of rambling bc, as always, i got carried away).

i've tried to put them in chronological order for the show!

1. a land without magic (1x22)

don't get me wrong, there's a lot of incredible swan queen episodes in season one (the pilot, desperate souls, that still small voice) but the content in finale just does something to me man...

emma pinning regina against the wall, the intensity of the confrontation and regina admitting everything, the way they're instantly a TEAM despite all that fury and heartache because henry comes before anything else, the literal entire sequence paralleling charming fighting maleficent and saving snow to emma fighting maleficent and saving regina, i -

2. broken (2x01)

feel like this a bit of a rogue one since, again, s2 has lots of good stuff, but there's a LOT going on in the premiere! emma promising to protect regina for henry (which we know develops into this kind of sacred oath she fulfils at her own peril over and over throughout the years) and being so attentive to her, saving her from the mob, helping her to her feet, human-shielding her, and the look on regina's face when emma's touch restarts her magic and opens a portal to another realm - the literal requirements for 'true love'. so, so good.

3. the cricket game (2x10)

a classic. emma starting to not only see but fight for the woman regina really is. this strange developing trust and respect, the desire to not be enemies for a brief second before it goes wrong again.

4. and straight on til morning (2x22)

i will never be able to scream enough about the sq development in the s2 finale. regina being the most vulnerable and herself in front of emma, begging her to let her die as herself because she knows she's the only one who could understand and grant her that - and emma not letting her, emma jumping in and finding their shared magic together for the first time to save each other and everyone else. emma speechless, seeing everything regina feels for henry.

also "you might not be strong enough but maybe we are" is one of my favourite swan queen lines, because i think it just sums up the whole ship!

5. going home (3x11)

jumping to the 3A finale, what can i say? once again, as always when it comes to henry, they are a team above all else. the group hugs, henry calling them 'mom, mama', emma being a human shield again, regina whispering her name as she wakes up, ready to give emma everything she ever wanted for herself and their son.

the incredibly intimacy and intensity of their goodbye and all those things unsaid and unfinished between them. *chefs kiss*

6. breaking glass (4x05)

ok so despite the stupid frozen arc, season 4 is actually one of my favourites for swan queen content, bc you have emma promising to give regina a happy ending in the premiere and seeing that all the way through to sacrificing herself for her in the finale. and that's what dreams are made of.

i specifically mention breaking glass bc there's so much sq screen time. emma is gutted that regina thinks she'll never have her back, literally follows her around all episode trying to prove the opposite (in the same way hook follows her around lmao), elsa telling emma not to give up on her.

and there's that gorgeous scene where emma is so honest with her about the two of them having something special and unique and different from what they have with anyone else, and that hopeful 'it's a start' ... i ...

7. operation mongoose (4x22)

what would be a list of top tier swan queen episodes without the climax of all that 'fighting for her happiness' - the saviour sacrificing herself to the darkness to save regina. this was truly the peak of ouat i swear to go d

also lots of nice stuff in the alternate reality with emma, henry and regina!

(before i move on from season 4 i do have to mention bonus episode: lily - emma's super gay fucking backstory, regina telling her she needs her, the first (?) swan queen road trip!, regina talking emma down from shooting lily/beating up that dude because she believes so strongly in emma's goodness)

8. dreamcatcher (5x05)

i remember after this episode came out, there was a post circulating of a bunch of c$ fans saying they were literally worried sq was becoming canon/getting undeniable.

so yeah. everything in this episode is pure gold. the swan mills family dynamics, regina trusting emma with her most painful memory, emma crying over the dreamcatcher, and that deliciously tense argument on regina's porch that was so electric it made sq feel inevitable. ('don't miss swan me, we've been through too much' is another favourite line!)

9. only you (5x22)

swan queen road trip, them being married af the whole time plus regina once again being her most open and vulnerable with emma? what more do you need

10. wish you were here (6x10)

this is another episode i don't think i can ever scream about enough - there's just so much to unpack! firstly, emma becoming enfuriated and attacking the evil queen because she's upsetting regina. secondly, regina thoughtlessly wishing to be sent after emma to get her back. thirdly... emma swan waking herself up from a curse and remembering who she is, sparking her own magic back to life, because even in her most cursed unknowing state she had to save regina mills.

how do you ever get over that (also they're so soft together once emma's awake, i...)

honorable mentions go to

enter the dragon (4x15) - for regina's gay backstory with mal, emma being insanely protective of regina and literally following her around all night super unhappy about her being in danger ('if i see anything i don't like i will come in blazing' oof) all the while regina is doing it to protect emma in return, jesus christ -

birth (5x08) - purely for the scene at the well where regina begs emma to tell her why she's hanging on to the darkness (aka begging emma to admit she loves her, while emma is being super repressed but they both know that's what they're talking about)

i'll be your mirror (5x08) - for all that good married sq teamwork content in the mirrorworld, regina admitting she's scared to raise henry alone and emma promising to always be there and never let anything bad happen, and the softness and tenderness of them watching him dance with violet and realising they've done such a good job together... i'm so weak bruh

#sorry this took so long and it's so fucking rambly hahah #but we all know that's what happens when you get me talking about this #thanks for this ask btw my lovely!!!#this was a really fun one #so much good stuff i probably haven't even mentioned but this post was long enough as it is #swan queen #sq #swan queen top ten #ouat #regina mills #emma swan #swan mills family #henry swan mills

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organic-guacamole · 3 years

Text

episode 209 spoilers below

I'm so late today but here it is

I love EJ, he's finally learning to be happy. I'm so proud.

Ms Jenn = every boomer during zoom calls, like jeez yes we can hear you stop shouting at me.

LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKE ABOUT QUARANTINE "these dark times" "you mean spring break?"

ah yes, remember when we thought covid was just gonna give us a longer spring break? good times

SEBLOS

damn the passive aggressiveness from Carlos and the absolutely over it tone from seb✋

CASWELL COUSINS!!!!! THEY'RE THE BEST!!!!

we needed more if this kind of goofiness for the first part of season 2 that only such an iconic duo can provide.

old old movies-

is it even that old, or is Nini being a gen alpha rn-

i choose to imagine EJ being scared of the movie and hiding in Ashlyn's shoulder while she keeps a straight face and then EJ pretending to be tough afterwards

aww redlyn are soulmates.... yknow, if gingers had souls

(please ignore me)

y'all saw how EJ's face *lit up* when Gina logged on? how dare you tell me he doesn't like her

ofc she's no damsel in distress, she's Gina porter, she's amazing.

so do we think she'd be the type to just glare at suspicious people? or bark at them

do they not know that Rini broke up? or is Ms Jenn just wanting Nini to suffer through her heartbreak to make her a better actress....

speaking of, why is Nini in the call? she's not in the show anymore. Unless she is, even after the rose and the song got cut, which would be so unfair to all those that auditioned properly before she even came back but whatever, she's the main character I get it 🙄

big red is a hero honestly, Nini better thank him for changing the subject like that

I can't-

i won't work you over the break-

this woman would 100% work her kids 24/7 if it was legal and idk how to feel about it.

YES GINA USE THAT CHARM

QUEEN

FRENCH QUEEN

SHE LEARNT FROM THE BEST (antoine obvi)

smh the airport lady, eavesdropping on Gina's call.

The way she was so happy to answer EJ's call, "eej"

I love them your honour.

EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YES PLEASE

great now we need to see Gina, Ashlyn and EJ having a complete spa day and EJ getting really into it and Gina and Ashlyn take pictures of him when he's laying down in a robe with a mask and cucumbers on his eyes.

finally we get to see Gina's side of portwell

the way she considered it as flirting, this is the sign she asked for in episode 6 come onnnnn

no is Asher/jack really doing tiktok dances in an airport-

Ricky is me. I am burrito.

oh Lynne, sweetie, I'm sorry but the blonde hair is not it

is that even the same lady or-

THE BEAN

THE CHICAGO BEAN

THE BIG OLD METAL BEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY 😭

jetlag is my go to excuse for anything... I haven't travelled in 2 years.

"welcome to the Lynne and Mike gossip show. where we talk about our depressed son that we both neglect in certain ways! And now a word from our sponsor, Nord VPN..."

SO MANY CANDLES

WHAT DEMON IS LYNNE TRYING TO SUMMON IN HIS ROOM-

is Nina becoming social media obsessed EJ from season 1? AND SHE LIED ABOUT HAVING SONGS TOO PLEASE WHY ARW THEY RECYCLING THE SAME PLOT-

Gina smiling at the picture of her family on Instagram makes me so happy, idek why.

EJ's nails are so pretty, we needed to see it more (unless he had it on for the rest of the episode and I just.... didn't notice🧍🏽‍♀️)

oh not the tiktok kid✋

yes ma'am end this strange mans whole tiktok career

sir take a hint and leave

GINA NO DONT SAY YOUR LAST NAME HE COULD BE A HUMAN TRAFFICKER

Ricky, walking in style✨

weird kid, ok then Lynne, can't you see he's this close to the edge?

not all your fault baby Ricky, Nini sucks a bit more

RICKY YOU DIDN'T COME DOWN HARD ON THE SONG-

YOU ASKED WHAT IT WAS ABOUT AND SHE SHUT YOU DOWN-

PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF

ok but the deleting comment thing was very bad

still don't know if I like Jack honestly

hmmm so Nini's calling herself Nini instead of Nina in her little egg seat, while trying to write a song without inspiration.... Nini, honey, Ricky was your muse, he inspired you to write all those songs, even if it wasn't good for the relationship.

that doesn't mean you gotta get back with him, or that you can't write a song that not about him butttt it'll take some time

the rainbow sticker in her box and her rainbow shirt-

anyways wbk she's not totally straight

Jack are you a criminal?

quick, Gina, check his ankle for a tracker

THE YES AND PRACTICE STRIKES AGAIN

the way Gina wasn't into it in episode 6 but she's used the technique twice now

stole her grandma's Pomeranian-

Jack where the hell did you pull that out from-

the fake crying killed me, that looks like so much fun though

anyone wanna raid a first class lounge with me?

wait so is jack not gonna go in with her?

wouldn't he go in too? help look for the credit card? SO CONFUSED

the first class lounge guy was so into the drama though, watch his face when they start arguing 😭

sorry to break this to you Kourtney, but you haven't even blocked the second act yet soooo...

take that as you will

I love how all of them are totally dissing the dance off

that's the most realistic part of this show tbh

shouldn't Nini have asked how she knew....since the start? why is the fact that her best friend has knowledge of a North high secret now dawning on her...

Howie is sweet honestly, at least he's trying to help. but I stand with Kourtney, don't take him back just because he sang an amazing song, and is giving you a heads up on what's gonna happen...

KOURTNEY IS ME TRYING TO LEAVE AN ONLINE CLASS

I hate school

ooo Nini's writing a song about bad internet connection 🤩🤩🤩

I never lie, except when I do-

son that is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger that you've been "helping"

2 truths and a lie👀

he's an Ariana fan 100%

called it.

OLDER BROTHER-

WHAT-

free spirit? damn so brother porter was in that horse movie

so has she been kissed or not?????????

I feel like she's moved more than 15 times though so possibly

but then if she's moved so much, and before east high she never opened up to anyone, she's never been kissed then?? damn

same though Gina so let's be besties please

heartbreak president is a great song title idea, give Nini a call rn

but wait

is the no strings attached feeling thing about her telling Ricky she liked him? she thought she was moving away so she thought it'd be no strings attached???

guys I think I figured it out insert the "I've connected two dots" meme

THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT

IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S

OMG I LOVE I LOVE

NOT THAT I KNOW OF???

ma'am did you just kill me

yes you did

Lynne and Ricky have such a weird relationship

YES IT DID SUCK

TODD SUCKS

LYNNE SUCKS

yeah I get that you wanted Ricky to like Todd BUT THAT WASN'T THE TIME

right so we already know that Ricky was so desperate to keep Nini cuz he didn't want to be like his parents, and now Lynne's talking about this-

Richard needs a long hug

yes Lynne, it is your fault. thank you for finally admitting it.

YES DYE YOUR HAIR

BLOND HIGHLIGHTS RICKY WILL RISE AGAIN

"sometimes the best, last thing you can do for someone you love, is let them go."

gotta admit I teared up at that point

not me thinking big red was calling ms Jenn cupcake for a hot second-

Carlos please omg, you're at the "beach" and they're leaving for the pool?

also, why not just do the call from the hotel room please omg

"don't ask me"

"Carlos"

OMG WHAT HAPPENED

big red wants the tea

O M G

SEB IS JEALOUS

JEALOUS SEBBY IS MY FAVOURITE THING IDC

I'm surprised ms Jenn knew how to give Nini permission to screenshare tbh

So lily's been stalking the East high kids and spending time editing this video while she's supposedly in an immersion trip.... right

EJ and Ashlyn's picture is so chaotic, what even is happening there

"slacking off" bestie its spring break, obviously they're confident enough that they'll get it done in time so why not focus on your own musical.

jealous seb = sassy seb

please what if those guys Carlos is posing with are his cousins or something and that's why he's so confused about Seb

6 YEAR OLD EJ I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

Nini saying she's obsessed with her ex, that's not weird at all 👍

I can just tell Matt had a blast harassing Julia with those puppets.

Jack please dont be like that, "yet"

chances are you'll never see eachother again 🥰

(honestly sometimes I really miss those friends I made on trips and stuff when we'd spend the day or week together, only to never see them again....those were the good days though)

Ashlyn and Nini should write more songs..... something better than this one at least

Nini: "im good"

cue the Tia Mowry (please I can't spell) crying gif

oh I forgot Ricky was in the show for a hot second

1. where did Gina get to film this without people being around

2. did she just... randomly change her clothes???

ok but the transition between Carlos and EJ

*chefs kiss*

now everyone shut up, EJ's singing

oh i think I'm pregnant

HIS MUSCLES

YES KOURTNEY

I love how big red and Kourtney went from being "the best friends™" to the couple in season 1, to kinda close themselves and having their own plots

sebby makes me so happy

props to biggies editing skills honestly

PORTWELL BEING SIDE TO SIDE I CANT

AND SEBLOS OMG

big red lives for the drama

"wow" so true Ricky

no he is not cute, stop it

"holding" ok that's kinda cute

yeah EJ's a lucky guy😌

jokes aside, it's not that hard to exchange numbers-

keep in touch if you want

ok I really like Jack now

if he comes back in season 3, maybe have him be LGBTQ+ ?

like the only out characters they have rn are Seb and Carlos and they're like the sterotypes, yk?

I'd love to see jack kinda break the mold

Ricky's breaking my heart

that song just hurts

the only thing

now I don't hate Lynne????????

HOW DARE THEY WRITE IN A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC FOR HER

UGH IM SUPPOSED TO HATE HER FOREVER

I mean I don't live her now but she's good

but honestly

"mom can I show you something"

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

THE PICTURE AND EVERYTHING OMG

I'm sobbing please help

Gina saying she's just waiting for the right guy and then EJ coming to the airport to pick her up late at night without her asking, offering to bring her back in the morning so she won't have to Uber, bringing her a granola bar (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE FORGOT TO PACK) and without expecting anything in return???

ms ma'am you've got a keeper right there

her smile at the end was so heartwarming I really can't.

this episode was great.

it felt really short but I liked it, great character development for Ricky, Lynne and Gina.

Cant wait for next episode to see more of EJ being the ideal boyfriend /hj

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts s2 #hsmtmts season 2 #hsmtmts spoilers #ej caswell #ricky bowen #gina porter #seblos #nini salazar roberts #jack hsmtmts #carlos rodriguez #seb mathew smith #kourtney greene #big red #ashlyn caswell #caswell cousins #portwell will be the death of me #guac's episode text blocks :)

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ask19thcentury-doctorgilbert · 3 years

Photo

Hey there! I thought I’d answer this ooc because Gilbert would never give a straight answer to these questions and after last night’s post I’m really down to talk more in depth about the doc’s mental health.

But before I dive into that, I just wanted to say thank you? I’m really glad to know that you think I do a good job at handling the portrayal of his mental health struggles, that really means a lot and is one of the best compliments I’ve been given ;v; I try to be as realistic and sensitive as I can and I’m glad to know that it pays off!

Alright, onto some headcanon rambling. Fair warning, this post is long and I go off into several tangents sdjjkds

Trigger warnings for the content below: depression, anxiety, suicide, childhood neglect / abuse, self-harm, and bad coping habits.

There’s at least 6 points in Gil’s life wherein his mental health was at its worst: the death of his father, the majority of his duchy years, frederick’s death, the napoleonic era, the entire stretch of the gdr era, and those years between the fall of the wall and him leaving to go to university in Zurich. I can write an entire post about each of those times, but for the sake of answering these asks, I’ll be focusing mainly on the first point and his crusader years.

To answer the first question, I think Gilbert’s first major depressive episode happened when he was a child after his adoptive father, Otmar Beilschmidt, died. He was a constant, comforting presence in the boy’s early life; someone he knew he can depend on and turn to if things ever got too scary or overwhelming. Even after he got ‘turned’ into a representative and the heads of the Order formally took him in, little Gisil still kept being stuck to his father’s hip. And Otmar, as unsettled as he was to find out that his son was suddenly some kind of miracle child, did his best to come to terms with it and help his son cope with his new nature too.

(Slightly off topic side note but I always had the idea that Otmar never really got over reacting with shock whenever he witnessed anything that confirmed that his son wasn’t fully human anymore, like watching a small scratch stitch itself back together. Gisil, being a perceptive and sensitive child, would catch on to that quick and I’m 100% sure he’s asked his father if he was afraid of him before. To which I’m sure Otmar told a half-truth and said that no, he wasn’t afraid of him --- After all, how could he be afraid of someone that God created to bring some good into the world?)

Either way, the sudden loss of that steady, dependable figure in his life really knocked Gisil’s world out of balance and triggered his first major depressive episode. He wouldn’t eat much at mealtimes and found it hard to sleep at night which would then translate into the kid being far more irritable and restless than usual during the day; prone to tantrums and crying if something didn’t go his way. But instead of someone sitting down and trying to understand why he was acting out, he was chastised for acting the way he did; told that he was allowed to grieve his father, but he had to be more mature about it and behave better. Not wanting to disappoint the adults who would be looking after him now, Gisil taught himself how to swallow back the hurt and put a lid on it. It didn’t make him hurt any less, in fact it may have started to translate into physical symptoms like a mildly upset stomach or a headache, but it didn’t bother anyone and his new parental figures seemed to approve so he just came to accept that it must be the right thing to do.

While he eventually got over the worst of the pain relating to his father’s death (or at least learned how to stuff it far enough in the back of his mind that he could pay it no mind) those symptoms continued to quietly haunt him. Mikael was prone to having trouble sleeping in the night (and he often passes the time by practising his writing, or sometimes he’ll get up and sneak out of the sleeping quarters to just sit in the chapel. sometimes praying, sometimes just sitting quietly and hoping that the silence and the coolness coming from the stone walls would somehow lull him to sleep) and to having days where he acts more hot-headed and impulsive than usual.

The disconnect between desperately wanting to be the ‘good’ person he believes he was created to be and some of the awful things the Order has done to do ‘good’ in the name of God also feeds into that depression and anxiety, especially when he keeps bottling it up because he really has no one to talk to about these things and because that’s what he’s used to doing. This internal conflict will eventually bubble over in his Duchy years, a period of time where Gilbert’s whole mental and emotional well-being was incredibly fragile. (If you wanna read more about what happened during that time, I have an old post about it here. Trigger and content warnings are at the very beginning!)

As for the second question, I think it’s safe to say Gilbert was messed up by essentially being a child soldier. Physical damage doesn’t stay long but the mental/emotional damage was extensive.

Even if his first depressive episode was triggered by his father’s death, the things he saw and experienced during his time as the representative of the Teutonic Order, definitely helped to make things worse. All the bad habits and symptoms he experienced in his youth continue to haunt him until adulthood. Gilbert would still rather brush someone’s concern off with an ‘I’m fine’ coupled with a reassuring smile than risk bothering them with whatever he’s dealing with. Since staying with Konrad and Reiner (who have their own struggles that deserve its own post) he’s learned to open up a little more with enough prompting, but he’d still much rather keep his problems to himself. He still regularly struggles with insomnia that gets worse when he finds himself in a slump, which then translates to frustration, irritability, and a tendency to neglect self care like forgetting to eat. He’s struggled with suicidal thoughts before and has made an attempt on two occasions: once in his Duchy years, the other right after the Napoleonic Era came to a close.

I think another thing that really added fuel to the fire is just the nature of Gil’s existence? Like most nations in his generation have had the chance to just roam around being children in their childhood, some might have even been cared for by the ancients, but he’s never had any of that? He had 10 years of it as a regular human child and then another 8 years after he was ‘turned’ of simply tending to sick and injured pilgrims. He had only 18 years of relative normalcy before he was thrown into a life of constant war, made out to be some holy figurehead, while I feel like most others had much longer. His ability to compartmentalize, to separate the self from the nation, was lacking compared to others in his cohort because he was just so young, physically and in nation years, when he was thrown into the mess. He’s a child nation who’s still young enough to remember his life as a human, to remember what it’s like to think and feel and to fear like a human and I think that messed with his ability to cope. Templar and Hospitaller might be the only ones who can understand what that was like since I think they were thrown into the fire relatively quickly after they were turned as young kids, but Ezekiel is far away and Sanson... Well, we all know what happened to poor Sanson.

The good news is, in the modern day, he is doing so much better since he started regularly meeting with a therapist and getting on the right medication regimen. It took him a while to really accept the fact that he needs help, even if logically he knew this was the right thing to do. There are still bad days but the genuinely good days far outnumber them now and that’s worth the uphill climb that is trying to sort out his issues.

#answered #[ headcanon ]#aph prussia #hws prussia #gilbert beilschmidt #depression tw //#anxiety tw //#suicide tw //#self harm tw //#childhood neglect tw //#gilbert looks put together on the outside but #he's really that image of the china cabinet with all the dishes pressed against the door #and if you open it everything's just gonna come crashing down #but he tries to do better #and tries his goddamn best not to repeat the bad parts of his upbringing #when it comes to raising his boy #in fact he tried so hard that he messed it up BUT #thats a conversation for another day

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