#i refuse to block him i want to study him under a microscope

[shrlke]

there are exactly 2 people on the internet who activate my fight or flight response every time i see them and those people are the human pet guy and the mcyt i have personal beef with who shan't be named

[bluelavendre]

I miss you, I'm sorry

Idol Kth x zoologist reader

Title: I Miss You, I'm Sorry

kth x reader

The dim glow of the streetlamp outside your window illuminated the room, casting long shadows on the walls. The sound of rain tapping softly against the glass was the only thing filling the silence, apart from the faint hum of the song playing in the background. Gracie Abrams’ "I Miss You, I'm Sorry" played on a loop, each word cutting into your chest like a knife.

It had been years since you and Taehyung last saw each other. The last time you spoke was the night you both decided to end things—for his career, for his dreams. For yours. At the time, it had seemed like the only choice. Taehyung was an idol, loved by millions, constantly under the microscope of the media. And you? You were just you, a zoologist chasing a passion that had taken you to the far corners of the world.

But even after the breakup, he hadn’t stopped reaching out. The texts came sporadically, usually late at night. A simple “I miss you” or “Are you okay?” It was cruel in a way, the way he refused to fully let go. Yet you couldn’t bring yourself to block him. Even after the dating scandals. Even after seeing his name splashed across headlines alongside photos of him with other idols—smiling, laughing, holding hands. You’d told yourself it didn’t matter. That he had moved on. But the texts told a different story.

Now, as the rain poured outside, you stared at your phone, Taehyung’s name glowing softly on the screen. You hadn’t deleted his number, though you’d typed out dozens of messages you never had the courage to send.

The song swelled, the lyrics echoing the ache in your heart:

"I miss you. I’m sorry."

The tears came before you could stop them, warm and relentless. You hated how much you missed him, how much you wanted to hear his voice, see his boxy smile, feel the warmth of his hand in yours. But there was also the guilt. The nagging voice in your head that reminded you of all the ways you’d let him down, all the ways you hadn’t been enough.

Two years had passed since he’d enlisted in the military. The world seemed quieter without his presence, though his name still appeared in the occasional headline. You had thrown yourself into your work, traveling to remote locations to study endangered species. It had been your dream for as long as you could remember, and in the chaos of your career, you had tried to bury the memories of him. But it never worked.

Brazil had been your latest destination. The lush rainforest, teeming with life, had been a welcome distraction. You’d spent weeks in the field, observing animals, collecting data, and finding solace in the simplicity of nature. But today, you were in the city, taking a rare day off to visit a local cafe you’d read about.

The bell above the door chimed softly as you stepped inside, the aroma of coffee and fresh pastries filling the air. You ordered a drink and found a seat by the window, flipping through your notes as you sipped your coffee. It was peaceful, the kind of moment you wished you could freeze and live in forever.

Then you heard it. That laugh. The one you’d know anywhere.

Your heart stopped. Slowly, you looked up, and there he was. Taehyung. He was standing near the counter, surrounded by a small entourage. He looked the same and yet different. His hair was shorter, his frame slightly leaner, but his presence was as commanding as ever. He was here for a photoshoot, you realized, judging by the cameras and crew hovering around him.

You ducked your head, panic flooding your system. What were the odds? Out of all the cafes in Brazil, he had walked into this one. You debated leaving, but before you could move, you heard his voice.

“Y/N?”

You froze. Slowly, you looked up, and his eyes met yours. For a moment, neither of you spoke. The world seemed to tilt, the noise of the cafe fading into the background.

“Hi,” he said finally, his voice soft, uncertain.

“Hi,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.

He took a step closer, his entourage hovering uncertainly behind him. “What are you doing here?” he asked, his eyes scanning your face like he was trying to memorize every detail.

“Work,” you said simply. “I’m here for a research project.”

He nodded, his expression unreadable. “I’m here for a campaign shoot.”

“I figured,” you said, gesturing subtly toward the cameras.

There was a long pause. The kind of silence that felt heavy and full of things neither of you knew how to say.

“I’ve missed you,” he said finally, breaking the silence. His voice cracked slightly, the vulnerability in his tone making your chest ache.

You looked down at your coffee, your fingers tightening around the mug. “Taehyung…”

“I know,” he said quickly. “I know we… we can’t. But seeing you again…” He trailed off, running a hand through his hair. “It’s like the universe is trying to tell me something.”

You shook your head, tears welling up in your eyes. “It’s not fair,” you whispered. “You can’t keep doing this, Tae. You can’t keep holding on to me when we both know it won’t work.”

“I know,” he said again, his voice barely audible. “But I can’t help it. I… I love you, Y/N. I always have.”

The tears spilled over then, and you quickly wiped them away. “I love you too,” you admitted, your voice breaking. “But sometimes love isn’t enough.”

His shoulders sagged, the weight of your words settling over him. “I… I just wanted you to know,” he said finally. “That I never stopped loving you. And I never will.”

Before you could respond, his manager called his name, pulling him back to reality. He hesitated for a moment, his eyes searching yours, before turning and walking away.

You watched him go, your heart shattering all over again. The pain was still there, but so was the love. And as the rain began to fall outside, you allowed yourself one last moment to miss him, to love him, before turning back to your work, knowing it was the only way to keep moving forward.

[iyumeu]

i can be your angle or yuor demon

summary: [takes place right after the angelic demons event] in front of you stands an angel and a demon. which would you choose?

characters featured: lucifer, mammon, leviathan (aka older brother trio)

⭒☆━━━━━━━━✿ᏊㅇꈊㅇᏊ✿━━━━━━━━☆⭒

It had been a few days since the party that had taken place in the celestial realm. Your demonic housemates were now back to their normal, devilish selves but you notice that they seemed a little... odd. Subdued, even.

Today was no different; the brothers had been quiet during dinner, either picking at their food or simply straight up not attending dinner. You had gone to bed feeling off-kilter and worried. That was it, you decided, it was time to stage an intervention. You were going to confront your demonic housemates tomorrow and they weren't going to be able to do anything about it!

With determination in your heart, you closed your eyes... and then immediately found yourself in a strange white room with...

Lucifer

After the party

> He had immediately thrown himself back into a mountain of paperwork.

> You knew that Lucifer was the embodiment of overworking but even this was too much. He hadn't been present for dinner since all of you had returned to the Devildom and if it weren't for the incredibly rare times you caught him out in the hallway, you would have come to the conclusion that he simply decided to start living in his study room

> Alas, even when he was outside he was short-tempered, snapping at anyone who was around him and was generally just a little more forceful than usual.

> There was a moment where you brushed past him in the hallway and he had grabbed your wrist, tugging you towards him. You had jumped and whirled around, startled at the sudden action, and you weren't quite sure what your expression had been like but you knew that it prompted Lucifer to immediately let go of your wrist as if he had been burnt. He then retreated back into his office, slamming the door shut without even saying a word to you.

> He had kept his distance after that and the two of you hadn't spoken to each other since.

In the white space

Two Lucifers stood before you, one clad in his angelic costume while the other wearing his demonic form.

> They seemed to be talking to one another, the Lucifer you were familiar with getting more and more agitated by the second while the Lucifer dressed in angelic garb was crossing his arms, looking at the demonic Lucifer with a placid expression on his face.

> When you step closer to them, they turn to look at you in tandem.

> "MC."

> It's strange how your name can be spoken in such different ways. Lucifer spoke your name in his usual commanding tone while the angel said it with such gentleness and cheer it gave you goosebumps.

> "Luci... fer?"

> "Yes?"

> The both of them answered together once again. It was seriously freaking you out. Were they both really Lucifer? Or was one of them a clone?

> You quickly made your way closer to them.

> Once you were closer you could see that Lucifer looked tenser than usual.

> "Where are we?" You couldn't help but glance at angel Lucifer too when you asked that question. From the corner of your eye, you see Lucifer's hand clench into a fist.

> "It doesn't matter where we are," Lucifer replied brusquely. You hadn't seen him this upset before, not even when he tried to kill you for harboring Luke in the House of Lamentation.

> "Is this how he talks to you all the time?" Instead of answering you, angel Lucifer asked you another question. It was a question that confused you. What did that have to do with anything?

> "Um... not really? He's just a little bit frustrated," you reply, eyeing the angel Lucifer warily. Something about him made you feel... something. It was a negative something. You didn't like him one bit.

> "I see." Angel Lucifer reaches out towards you. Before you can flinch back, Lucifer's hand was already painfully gripping your shoulder, tugging you to his side in an almost violent manner.

> "You are not to touch them," he said. Angel Lucifer's gaze slowly slid from you to him and you were able to see it frost over in real time.

> "Neither are you," he said, "if you're going to be so forceful. Look at them, they're hurt."

> Lucifer turned to look at you. You were frozen in the middle of rubbing at your shoulder and his eyes darkened.

> He stepped away from you.

> "You believe that everyone around you will bend to your whim," the angel said. "And if you don't, you force them to. You carry out your actions uncaring about the way it affects others and how they may think... Tell me," the angel was looking at you now, "how does it feel to live with someone so full of themselves?"

> Beside you, you can tell that Lucifer has stopped breathing. His red gaze was boring a hole through you, his wings twitching as he fought the urge to block your view of his angelic doppelganger.

> You lick your lips, gathering your thoughts. The angel too your silence as agreement and a smile spread across his face.

> "Don't you see, demon? They're afraid of you. Your overbearing, domineering treatment of them has rendered them too afraid to dare speak up in your presence."

> Lucifer flinched at the angel's words. You suddenly had a very vivid fantasy of pouncing forward and violently ripping handfuls of feathers out of the angel's wings.

> "They'll be much happier with me, don't you think?" the angel asked. You glanced at Lucifer and was absolutely shocked to see him considering the angel's words.

> "No!" The word was out of your mouth before you could even think.

> The angel raised an eyebrow. "No?"

> "No." You dug in your heels, glaring at this... oversized avian who dared to don the face of your beloved demon. Who dared to make him doubt himself like that. "No, I'm not scared of him. No, I do dare to speak up. No, I absolutely would not be happier with you!"

> You turned to Lucifer, not wanting to look at that... thing for even a second longer. He was staring at you, a rare look of surprise on his face. You stepped towards him, poking a finger at his chest.

> "You!" you started, "You may be absolutely full of yourself, but you do care! You care for Diavolo! You're always taking care of him even when it comes at the cost of your own health! You care for your brothers! You protected them when all of you first entered the Devildom and you protect them even now, even if you try to hide it. You care for me! You give me food when you notice I've been staying up late to study and you constantly ensure that my time at R.A.D. is safe and enjoyable! Do you think I don't notice this? Do you think no one notices this? Why are you believing that thing's lies?!"

> With every jab of your finger, Lucifer's eyes grow wider.

> "And you!" You whirled around to glare at the angel. "You're sitting there running your mouth when you're the one who's acting so full of yourself! I'm sick of your holier than thou attitude! Lucifer is caring, he is thoughtful, and he is so much more than what you accuse him of!” You pause for a moment to take a breath. The angel is examining you like you were a particularly interesting specimen slotted under a microscope. You’ve reached your limit. It was time to resort to violence.

> You were stopped before your feet left the ground by a pair of arms wrapping around your shoulders. It was soon followed by a curtain of dark feathers, blocking the angel from your sight, and you from his.

> “That’s enough,” Lucifer said. His voice was filled with the same confidence and pride that you know and love. “That thing is not worth your time.” A pause and then, softly, almost inaudibly, “Thank you.”

> And then,

> You wake up.

After the dream

> You were happy to see that Lucifer was no longer locking himself up his office again.

> He was also, strangely, a little more affectionate to you?

> He was also around a lot more often; not hovering per se, but just... there. A comforting presence, him by your side.

> His texts to you are more often now too.

> You start receiving gifts from him, packaged and pretty hanging on your doorknob, charmed with a powerful spell that curses everyone but you if they touch it. He still pretends he doesn't send them but you know and he knows you know.

> One day, over a dinner at the Ristorante Six, he'll finally tell you, in words, that he wants you to stay by his side; but until then, you enjoy his non-verbal affirmations of love.

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━[ᓀ˵◇˵ᓂ]━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

Mammon

After the party

> He became a shut in on par with Leviathan.

> However you notice that he has a lot of akuzon deliveries brought to his door, definitely more than what he could afford.

> When you try to talk to him he only shouts at you from behind his door. When you try to enter, you almost get squashed by the amount of piled up akuzon boxes and haphazardly piled up items.

> You knew Mammon was inside but you couldn't see him at all. You'd genuinely think that he got suffocated under the mess of his purchases if he hadn't been talking to you through the mess.

> But he still refused to come out to see you and you didn't know how to navigate his room, so you decided to leave him be for now.

In the white space

> There were two Mammons in front of you, one dressed in his angelic costume and the other in his demonic form. They seemed to be discussing something but you paid them no mind.

> Mammon had been your reliable protector since the start of your time in the Devildom and hence you had grown to associate safety with his presence.

> That was why you literally all but teleported to his side when you caught sight of him.

> However, the words coming out of the angel made you freeze in your tracks.

> "Shameless, greedy scum," the angel said. Mammon's body language finally registered in your head. Slightly hunched over, head turned to a side, wings curling in on himself, fists clenched and shaking... You hadn't seen him this bad before.

> "You know that they're too good for you, but you can't let them go. You'd rather chain them to you forever rather than allow them happiness. Your greed truly knows no bounds, even for someone you lo—"

> You skitter to a stop between the two. It was unnerving how much he looked like Mammon. Apart from the attire, the only difference you could tell was his eyes; Mammon's eyes were open and expressive while the angel's eyes did not give away his emotions at all. Controlled, you would call them.

> "MC," the angel greeted you with a smile.

> "MC, what're you doing here?!" In contrast to the angel, Mammon seemed aghast to see you here.

> "You want their attention and affection but you are reluctant to give yours," the angel said. "Greedy, greedy, greedy. The Avatar of Greed, do you really think you're worthy enough to stand by their side?"

> Oh, the angel was talking about you.

> Well if you weren't already angry before, you were now.

> You turn to look at Mammon only to see him shaking slightly. He refused to meet your eyes.

> "You actually hate it, don't you?" the angel said. The angel was looking at you now. "How unreliable he is. How selfish he is, always putting his own desires and needs above others. A nightmare to live with, much less be with."

> With every word out of the angel's mouth, you see Mammon flinch. You reach out to soothe him but he flinches away from you. He looked like he regretted it the moment he did it, but he had no chance to apologize before the stupid angel was opening their mouth to yap on.

> "How can anyone love something like him, much less you?" the angel asked and. Boy.

> You whirled around and threw a punch at the angel's face. It barely injured the angel and left you with a hurting fist, but the shock on the angel's face was worth it.

> "I love him," you declared loudly. "And so do his brothers."

> Mammon was staring at you with wide eyes and an open mouth.

> "And the things you've said? Utter horseshit. Mammon is one of most selfless demons I know." No one as powerful as him would allow himself to be a punching bag for his entire family without retaliation, no one but him. Mammon was the demon with the highest control, with the softest heart, and it showed with the interactions he had with his brothers... and you.

> He rarely said anything affectionate towards you, and the times he did were often rushed and unintelligible, but he didn't have to. Not when his love and affection shone through with every action he made.

> He was always giving love, only rarely ever receiving, And he never complained about it.

> And so hearing this angel spout such bullshit about Mammon, and Mammon believing it, really made you experience something.

> That something was an attempt to beat up the angel in front of you.

> You were quickly pulled off the angel, Mammon holding you tightly and firmly in his arms and you tried to continue with your punches and kicks.

> "That's enough." It was a rare occasion that his voice was so serious and it immediately calmed you down. Mammon shifted you to a more comfortable hold but did not let you go. "Ya ain't gonna hurt me with those dumb words," he told the angel, puffing out his chest. "I'm the great Mammon! I ain't gonna listen to your bullshit!"

> Warmth blossomed in your heart as you hear Mammon regain his confidence.

> "And MC is mine! No one's worthy of them but that doesn't mean I won't—"

> You wake up.

After the dream

> Mammon finally exited his room and the first person he went to was you.

> He swooped you up in a big hug, abruptly waking you from your slumber.

> He started becoming more honest and less shy as well, no longer putting on airs. His affection for you was as clear as day. It's a work in progress but Mammon is still able to convey his affection even if he ends up screaming it with a red face.

> You notice that he's been taking up more responsibility lately, even getting a steady part time job. He uses the money to take you out on nice dates and buy you nice gifts.

> Also has become even clingier, but it's not like you're going to complain. ⭒☆━━━━━━━━━⸜₍๑•⌔•๑ ₎⸝━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

Leviathan

After the party

> Leviathan had been making some headway in getting more comfortable in his own skin, cutting down on insults to himself. This party set him back a thousand years.

> Every word out of his mouth was self-derogatory and full of hate.

> He refused to answer your texts.

> He never left his room, even for mealtimes.

> In fact he didn't eat at all? Which was concerning. You even tried to bribe him with Ruri-chan, but all it resulted was a crash and a faint sob.

> It was after that that you decided to leave him be for a while.

In the white space

> There was nothing in the white space except a pond and Leviathan in his angel costume.

> Recalling Leviathan's reaction to you before, you carefully approached him and called out his name. To your surprise, he turned to look at you with a smile on his face.

> You were delighted at first but the delight quickly drained away when you recognized the bright but bland smile on his face, along with his calm, placid eyes.

> It was the Leviathan from the party looking at you now, not the Leviathan you were missing.

> "MC!" he said cheerily. "I'm so glad you're here!"

> "...hello." He didn't seem to noticed that you were being subdued, quickly stepping forward to grab your hands. You tried to suppress your flinch, fearing that Leviathan was actually in there somewhere. You scanned his body for the brainwash bangle but did not find it. Worry started to gnaw at your heart. How were you going to break this curse if you couldn't find its anchor?

> "I missed you," angel Leviathan continued. "Sorry for avoiding you, I was just throwing a temper tantrum. I won't be doing that again. As I've said before, I'll be giving up on anime, manga, and the like to forge closer connections with my brothers... and of course with you."

> You step back. The angel follows.

> "I was weak before, a no-good shut-in loser who'd rather lose himself in the 2D world rather than face reality." Unlike before, the words were spoken without an ounce of shame or even emotion. It was like angel Leviathan was stating facts rather than belittling himself. Somehow, that bothered you more.

> "You're not weak," you spoke. "You're not any of those at all. You've been putting in a lot of effort lately, and besides being interested in anime isn't a weakness. You're passionate about what you like and unafraid of showing it. Isn't that a strength?"

> Angel Leviathan shrugged, brushing your words aside. It was incredibly uncharacteristic of him.

> "I suppose," he said. "Either way, don't you prefer me like this? Outspoken, confident, unafraid? I can tell you how I feel. I love you, MC. Don't you love me?"

> There was something wrong. A nagging feeling in your heart had been present ever since you entered this strange place and right now it merely grew stronger.

> "Not like this," you said, pulling your hand away from his. "There's something wrong with you right now, Levi, you're not in your right mind."

> "I'm in my right mind. In fact, I can safely say that I've never been better. Say you love me, MC."

> Leviathan would never push you like this. He had always respected your boundaries, knowing how unpleasant it was like to have his own constantly prodded and pushed.

> "You're not Levi," you realized. Immediately you looked around, quickly moving away from angel Leviathan. "Where is he? What have you done to him?"

> Angel Leviathan looked so confused for a moment that you almost believed him. But then his expression turned to derision and your blood ran cold.

> "Why do you care about that disgusting otaku anyway? Aren't I better? Why don't you choose me?"

> The angel must have been out of his fucking mind if he thought that you were going to choose him after all this.

> You took another step back and—

> You plunge into the lake, the breath knocked out of you by the impact. Just as you started to panic, your eyes catch sight of something that made you freeze.

> There was Leviathan, the Leviathan you knew and loved, in his demon form staring back at you with wide eyes.

> What the fuck.

> Had he been here the entire time?!

> Instead of you, now Leviathan was the one panicking. He grabbed you and swam quickly to the surface, bringing you out of the lake. You gasped for air once you breached the surface, Leviathan's arm supporting you and keeping you upright.

> "Levi!" you said once you caught your breath. "Where were you? Why didn't you come up?"

> Leviathan was not looking at you. Once he had placed you back onto the shore, he suck back down into the water until only his eyes and the top of his head were visible. You put the pieces together.

> "...were you hiding?"

> "Of course that coward was hiding." Oh god. The angel was still not done. Now that you knew for a fact that he wasn't Leviathan, you felt an incandescent rage start boiling within you. You tamp it down. For now. "He didn't want to face the idea that you might choose me over him."

> Choosing again. It seemed important.

> "It's okay if you choose him instead," Leviathan was clearly lying through his teeth. "If... If it makes you happy. Who would want to be with a loser otaku like me who can't even tell the person he loves that he wants to hold their hand? Much less that he loves them?"

> Your heart was breaking and you pushed yourself into the water again. Leviathan yelped in surprise and quickly swam forward to catch you. You took the opportunity to put your hands on either side of his face.

> "Levi, there's no way I'd choose anyone over you," you told him. "You are my Lord of the Shadows and no one else can take your place."

> You feel Leviathan's cheeks heat up under your palms.

> "Do you mean it?" It was said in a whisper but you managed to catch it. You nod and a brilliant smile spread across his face.

> He looked up at the angel and maneuvered you around so that he was in between you and the angel. His tail had found its way to you and it was now curling around you in a possessive manner you had long grown familiar with.

> "MC is m... MC is my Henry! Not yours!" Leviathan declared. His tail squeezed a little tighter but you still felt no discomfort. "And I am their Lord of the Shadows. I'll protect them, so there's no way you'll ever get your hands on them!"

> You tried to cheer Leviathan on but then,

> You wake up.

After the dream

> Leviathan sent you a message to meet him in his room and you went there immediately. There, he apologized for ignoring you, saying that he hadn't been feeling well but was better now.

> The tip of his tail was subconsciously curled around your ankle but you didn't point it out to him, not wanting him to be self-conscious.

> After that you notice that Leviathan was a lot more open with his words. He still stuttered and turned red, but he was trying. Even if he ended up running away afterwards sometimes.

> Soon, he even grew brave enough to ask you to h*ld his h*nd! Once the first barrier had been breached, however, the two of you started holding hands all the time.

> If his hands were busy with gaming, expect his tail to seek you out.

> One day, he'll muster up the courage to tell you how he feels. But until then, you're happy to wait. ⭒☆━━━━━━～>º˵)ニニニニ>━━━━━━☆⭒

[mst3kproject]

Caltiki, the Immortal Monster

We've talked about how there are an awful lot of fishman movies.  There are way too many Bigfoot movies.  There are even a surprising number of movies about monsters named Paul, but one thing I swear I never thought would be in two different movies is growing space blobs in the Mexican jungle.  Yet here we, are following up The Flame Barrier with Caltiki, the Immortal Monster. The cast includes Gérard Herter from Secret Agent Super Dragon and Daniele Vargas from Hercules Unchained. Mario Bava insists he didn't direct this but Riccardo Freda says he did, while most film websites blame both of them.

Long, long ago, the Maya were doing math and building pyramids in Mexico when a sudden unknown cataclysm forced them to abandon their cities. In the present (or at least the 60s), a group of scientists have come to the ruins to see if they can solve this mystery.  Two of them venture into a cave, and only one returns, raving about Caltiki, a Mayan goddess.  The rest of the party set out to find out what happened and perhaps rescue the other man, but instead discover a huge carnivorous blob monster!  Most of this beast is destroyed by crashing a gasoline truck into it, but they take a sample back to Mexico City with them for analysis.  Because that's a great idea that won't bite them in the ass at all.

The opening titles of this movie tell us that it is 'based on an ancient Mexican legend'.  I don't know anything about Mexican folklore but I did look through the List of Mayan Gods and Supernatural Beings page on Wikipedia and there are no names there that you can remotely bend into 'Caltiki'.  I'm going to assume this movie has about as much to do with ancient Mexican legends as Village of the Giants has to do with H. G. Wells' Food of the Gods. The same credits also tell us that the dancer we see ripping her own clothes off in some 'native ceremony' was a woman named Gay Pearl. The early 60's was around when the word 'gay' stopped being used to mean anything other than 'homosexual', so I suspect she changed it shortly thereafter.

Although the basic premise of a growing space blob in the jungles of Mexico is strongly reminiscent of The Flame Barrier, in several ways Caltiki, the Immortal Monster takes an opposite approach to telling the story.  One of the things that made The Flame Barrier kind of annoying was how it puttered around in the jungle with character-driven stuff for ages before it even introduced the monster.  Caltiki goes almost entirely in the other direction.  The first thing we see is the aftermath of a monster attack, with the dying archaeologist staggering back to camp.  In the minutes that follow, we watch the rest of the expedition puzzle over what happened to their colleagues, but we have almost no idea of who they are.  Most of the character development has to wait until they get back to Mexico City.

Unfortunately, the characters are really not very interesting people.  Our supposed hero is the dishwater-dull Dr. John Fielding, who is one of those movie science guys whose significant other whines because he would rather look down a microscope than gaze into her eyes.  Fielding promises his wife Ellen that he'll pay more attention to her, and I guess he does because next time we see him he appears to be happy with her and their little daughter, but if I were to call the issue 'minimally addressed' I would be giving it way too much credit.  The other subplot in the movie is about a mixed-race woman named Linda (repeatedly described as a 'half-breed') and her relationship with one of the archaeologists, Max.  Max was a dick to begin with, and when he goes mad with pain after being attacked by the blob monster he only gets worse.  He never seems very interesting or threatening, and since the audience knows there's a blob monster coming, we feel our time is being wasted.  Linda, as the only major character who isn't white, is killed when Max decides she is no longer useful to him.

Another place where Caltiki does exactly what The Flame Barrier didn't, but with far better results, is with the monster itself.  In The Flame Barrier the space blob was immobile and basically just looked like somebody spilled a truckload of petroleum jelly.  The blob of Caltiki, however, truly is the coolest thing in the movie.  It's a pulsating, leathery mass that reproduces by stickily dividing in two, and dissolves people's flesh to leave only their skeletons.  There were worse monsters on Star Trek: the Next Generation nearly thirty years later.  Not only that, but the blobs are active, able to roll around and grow to engulf screaming victims, with a satisfying sense of weight and volume to their movements.  There are also some pretty good gore effects, my favourite of which is a guy who's still breathing despite having had his face dissolved.

The Flame Barrier kept its blob in the distant jungle, where the only people it was menacing were three explorers and a chimp.  We were told about the threat of its exponential growth, but that was fairly abstract.  In Caltiki we still don't get the city-smashing rampage depicted in one of the posters, but just knowing that the city is there and having Fielding's wife and daughter around to be chased by swarms of blobs makes the threat feel far more concrete.

So this movie gets right a lot of things the other Mexican Space Blob movie got wrong, but I wouldn't be reviewing it if it wasn't still a bad movie.  The dull characters and the refusal to deal with their arcs is one big problem.  Another is the poor picture quality.  The lighting is mostly good enough that you can tell where people are and what they're doing, but the film stock itself is not very good, which makes for a loss of detail.  In some of the wide shots you can't tell who's supposed to be talking because it's impossible to see whose mouths are moving.  In another, Fielding consults a book that appears to consist entirely of blank pages.

The dubbing is also not great.  Fielding and his wife have very bland voices, which is a big contributor to them seeming like very bland characters.  The guy voicing Max gnaws on the scenery, sounding like a villain from an old Disney movie.  Fielding's daughter Jenny has the voice of an adult woman trying to talk like a child, and it sounds even worse than the same thing did in Manos: the Hands of Fate.

The script is pretty ham-fisted at times, particularly in the character scenes that tell us things far more often than they show us.  Much of this is the fault of whoever wrote the English dialogue, but there's also the series of ridiculous plot devices that prevent anyone from warning Ellen Fielding that the blob in her basement has begun to grow.  First, Max escapes from the hospital and goes to the house to get help from Linda, and pulls out the phone cord so nobody can turn him in.  One of the scientists, finding no answer on the phone, tries to drive out to the house to talk to Ellen, but gets into a car crash.  The police block the road off while they investigate the wreck, and Fielding runs the road block in his own haste to get home, leading him to be arrested and thrown into jail!  I have to admit, it was pretty funny just watching these contrived events pile up.

As far as having a point to make goes, Caltiki, the Immortal Monster kind of shaves by one in two different places, but never quite gets there.  For starters, there's the idea of archaeology as a treasure hunt.  When the diver first ventures into Caltiki's sacred underground lake, he finds the bottom littered with bones but also with the gold jewelry the sacrificial victims were wearing.  He returns to the surface and does not even mention the skeletons, but brings fistfuls of gold and goes back for more despite the risk of running out of oxygen.  I suppose he is punished for this, as is Max when he tries to retrieve a piece somebody else dropped, since they're both attacked by the blob.  It doesn't really qualify as a thematic thread, though, since the gold is never mentioned again. For the rest of the movie, the characters are motivated by scientific interest in the blob itself.

This leads into what's sort of a second motif, people disregarding the danger posed by the blob.  Fielding has a sample he wants to study (the movie has no idea what kind of scientist he is.  An archaeologist?  A microbiologist?), and upon discovering that radiation makes it grow, he pumps more into it to see what happens.  He and his colleagues are admittedly more cautious about this than the characters  in Reptilicus, but the idea's still there: scientists who think they have everything under control, but don't understand how dangerous what they're working with really is.  Again, this doesn't really go anywhere.  At the end they about-face and insist on destroying every scrap, not even leaving enough for an “... or is it?” ending.

Caltiki, the Immortal Monster comes very close to being so bad it's good.  There's plenty of stuff to laugh at, while the actual monster is threatening and well-executed enough to be entertaining in the way it was intended to be.  If the film-makers had diverted a little of that money into better film stock, I probably would have enjoyed the movie very much.

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Take My Hand ~ Lucifer x Reader

For so many, even those who know him, Lucifer is an enigmatic riddle that will never be solved. A question with no answer. A blank, white puzzle.  He keeps his stoic facade at all times, overworks himself on anything Diavolo gives him, and if he runs out of work, he finds more, from somewhere that nobody, even the young Prince, has no idea.

He’s always so strict and proper, dresses royal and there is seemingly no imperfection to him. Hell, even Asmo, the most narcissistic brother, is not-so-secretly jealous of his beauty and dominant and mysterious aura that engulfs him, that makes him even more enticing than one could think.

So what is the mysterious of this overly strict Fallen, the one that God loved the most, the one that led the Rebellion of the Celestial War aeons ago, actually hiding? What emotions is he so desperately trying to hide behind those sharp, ruby eyes of him that read into you like infrared?

What kind of fragility is trying to hide being that frozen block that became his heart that aches and burns harder than the Sun itself?

Perhaps that is something that only someone with a fresh perspective shall witness, someone who walks around like a ghost, unnoticeable, yet her eyes are wide and attentive, that can peer right into the depths of anyone’s soul.

They are complete opposites, and yet, they are more alike than anyone could even begin to realise - That is, if they are so adamant to be ignorant, as they’ve always been.

Apart from Solomon, not one, but two other humans were brought into Devildom, and that is because fate made it so that Lucifer chose a girl that had a sister.

A twin sister.

So of course, you cannot separate twins, so Diavolo was okay with bringing both of them, thinking it would be reminiscent of the 6th and 7th brothers, especially for their personalities are like light and day, like the Sun and the Moon, both of them beautiful, yet completely different.

And that was quickly made obvious once they arrived, for the brothers quickly swamped all over the younger sister, since she was a lovable, social butterfly, an extroverted free soul who loves to fool around and bend the rules to breaking point.

The older sister, however, was an introvert of few words, yet all of them were meaningful. She was incredibly diligent and hard-working, studying since the first day in RAD, she was much too busy to even bother going out of her way to break the rules, and had to do everything in her power to get her sister out of trouble, including doing her homework, to avoid detention.

The eldest brother, the most attentive, was quick to realise that all the brothers were attracted to the sunshine like moths to the fire that they didn’t even bother approaching the zircon wrapped in a velvet handkerchief.

He was, however, completely drawn to her...Or maybe it was the mystery surrounding her that he was interested in? He read once, in a human book, that the most intriguing is the journey, not the destination, yet he couldn’t help but wonder if it was similar to going to one’s soul.

Y/N’s soul was pure, it was bright, it was beautiful and tempting, which went in complete anti-thesis with the facade she pulled for everyone - And just like twins are, like Yin and Yang, she was truly the complete opposite of her bright sister that held a dark soul.

But days began to rapidly pass by, and with each day, countless of problematic events happened, that made Lucifer, and not only him, pissed off beyond belief, at the younger sister, and the older one was forced to bare the consequences and solve the problem..

These continuous occurrences started eroding her soul, bit by bit, darkening it, overshadowing her light, and it was beginning to concern the raven haired man, for, in the end, it was still his job to make sure the humans are okay and comfortable in Diavolo’s Kingdom.

Exams were coming along, and Lucifer could see Y/N was beginning to become much paler and less talkative. He didn’t see her as often outside of the classroom, and even to meals that they would always share together...And he began to worry.

He knows very well that humans are very frail, weak and sensitive creatures, that constantly needed to be taken care of, and he knew very well that she wouldn’t have much until she’d collapse.

“Does anyone have a pen, please? All of mine have been completely used up, and I need to urgently finish an assignment.” 

Speak of the devil, Lucifer thought, as his D.D.D.’s notification sound popped on his study desk, where he, himself, was also working on his own assignments, and he chuckled at the coincidence, and pondered over if he should tease her a bit, to provoke her, or not.

Something that Lucifer always loved was to push someone’s boundaries...Not some pushover like Mammon, clearly, but strong, dominating people, much like Satan, much like himself. He wanted to see how far can he push someone until they get angry, until they lose their composure, until they show their true face, until their facade crumbles, and they are no longer the self they show to everyone.

It’s satisfying seeing others step on their pride...

Since he would never do that, clearly. He isn’t the Avatar of Pride for nothing.

Asmo: Nope! I only have my personalised, engraved pen, and I can’t give it to everyone! Beel: Sorry, I accidentally ate all my pens while trying to write my homework. Belphie is sleeping. Levi: I don’t have pens, I write everything on my laptop. Satan: I always misplace mine. I only have the one I keep in my notebook. Mammon: Lol, you’re doing homework? Hah, what a dork! Sorry, I ain’t using Goldie to buy pens! Why not ask your sister? Anyka: You bought 10 pens barely 2 weeks ago, how the hell did you even finish them? Y/N: I have a lot to do. Do you have any spare pens? Anyka: Lol nope x Ask Lucifer or idk Barbatos??

The opportunity is shining, so...Should he start provoking her? Or would that break her even more? This should certainly be interesting... And if anything happens, he always knows when to put a stop to this charade. “I have a spare fountain pen, if it would do.” he sent her a DM, waiting for an answer. “Perfect. Are you in your study, or your bedroom?” she sent an immediate answer, which made him smirk. “Study. If you beg me nicely, I can also give you the ink for it.” he was playing with fire, and damn, was it exhilarating. “You...Want me to...Beg? For a pen and ink? To do my assignments? I don’t think Diavolo would be pleased to hear that.” she typed after an obvious few moments of hesitation. “Sometimes compromises must be made in order to achieve your goal. You are aware, I am sure, that if you do not finish your homework for tomorrow, you will receive detention.” this was getting very interesting, and he couldn’t wait to see what her next step would be. “Fine. I will ask Barbatos then. Thanks for the offer. Have a pleasant night.” she cut him off with clear acid in her words, which made Lucifer chuckle in satisfaction.

She was though, and entertaining. What an adorable little lamb.

And it was true, she asked Barbatos, who told her that he couldn’t go over to the House of Lamentation, for he has to take care of Diavolo, and he refused to allow her to leave the dorms without someone by her side to make sure no stray demon attacks her.

That was a true bummer.

So...She had to step on her pride to get a stupid pen to finish her assignments.  It wasn’t even homework, but she still had hours of work she had to do. It was barely midnight, she couldn’t even attempt to go sleep now.

Going to sleep means obvious overthinking, which means lack of sleep, so better be productive and work, then destroy yourself more than you already are, doing nothing, while staring and cursing the ceiling.

Y/N sighed, breaking the pen in two out of anger, and wobbly got out of her study chair, making a bee line to Lucifer’s study and knocking on the door, waiting to hear the approval word to enter the room. She barely opened the door, walking in front of the seated form of Lucifer, who held his spare fountain pen almost mockingly in front of her.

He was watching her like a hawk, every movement analysed as if under a microscope, almost as if he was carefully searching for any flaw or mistake she would make. However, he could see she wasn’t well. She was sleep deprived, her complexion was much paler than normal, she had dark bags under her eyes...And her posture was slouched, almost sloppy. Lucifer knew she has always been a diligent person, so the homework couldn’t possibly be long overdue. She would have done it in the day it was given. So...What was the urgency? Could it be that...She was...Just like him?

“I’m not sure how I’m supposed to beg for a pen, but, Lucifer, may I please borrow your pen? I promise to return it to you tomorrow, buy a new ink, to your preference, as soon as classes are over and I can go to proper shopping.” her voice was tired, just like her mind and body. She held no emotions in her words. It was almost as if she was intentionally damaging herself to make up for-

Oh.

Perhaps she wasn’t as different from him as he thought she was, and now, at least, he can better understand why she was deteriorating as fast as she was.

“You can keep it, I don’t mind. However, as the head of the student council, and the one who has to overlook this exchange program, I would have to advise you to take better care of yourself and rest, instead of overworking yourself.” Lucifer told her, with a less condescending voice, only to receive a sarcastic scoff, which confused him. “Tell me that when you’re going to follow your own advice.” and she left.

A chuckle escaped his mouth as soon as the door was closed, and for the first time in ages, he actually went to bed early...For his standards. He had to be very attentive of this one, however...She was much more interesting than he believed.

And the first thing he saw in the morning, as he stepped in the classroom, he saw Y/N handing a file to her sister - A file with all the homework for the whole week, that is - And now he could understand why she was overworked. She was going about life in all the wrong ways...Not that he should be one to talk. He knows his own faults, but admitting them to another is a complete different matter.

But things were going to take a horrid turn for the worst, beginning with Diavolo calling everyone for the Student Council meeting, only to announce that the exchange students were going to have a lowered pass/fail line anymore, but will have to work and achieve the demons’ standards and rise to the challenge given.

“If you’re going to control a demon’s powers, you need to have a proper understanding of them and how they should be used.” Diavolo said, which made him realise that the twins, somehow, managed to make pacts with all of the brothers...All of them, sans one. That one being himself, of course. “Hey, whoa, that’s a bit sudden, don’t you think? Exams are just around the corner!” Anyka protested, obviously shocked. “RAD exams are surprisingly tough.” Belphie nodded in agreement. “I’m sure both of you are going to do great, especially if you’ve studied a little bit throughout the semester.” Diavolo smiled, as usual, and the older twin mimicked no emotion on her face. “But...! But I haven’t! I had fun with the brothers all this time...What am I gonna do?! Y/N, say something!” the younger twin shook her sister, waking her up from her trance. “Hmm...? What should I say? He’s right.” she shrugged, not bothering to look at anyone. “I’ve already considered that, and I have a plan. Satan, you are going to be tutoring Y/N and Anyka up until the day of exams.” Lucifer dumped the responsibility on the blond brother, who was barely able to say anything from the shock of being put on the spot. “Oh, that’s perfect! Thank you soooo much, Satan! You’re the best!” Anyka jumped on the 4th born, who chuckled awkwardly. “Thanks, but I can do this by myself. If this was all, then I’m going to see you during the exams. Bye.” she gave a brief peace sign, before leaving to her room, no doubt continuing her studying.

Obviously, Lucifer knew she had it in the bag if she focused. She’s a smart girl, she won’t have any problem...If she stays healthy, that is.  There was something about her that made him want to approach her, to hold her face, to look her in the eyes and tell her to stop doing this to herself. There was something about her innocence and heart that made him want to protect her at all cost, even if that meant protecting her from herself. He pondered offering to tutor her, but what could he even tutor her about, when she clearly knows everything there needs to be learnt about the exams?

He wanted to kiss her hands and reassure her that everything will be okay, and he wanted to hold her tight and help her fall asleep without having running thoughts through her head all the time.

But he can’t do that, can he? If he were to approach her, she’d run away, like a scared little baby fawn trying to find her mama, while being chased off by a hunter. He had to be gentle with her, delicate, to lure her into a sense of security and safety...A warm haven by his side...

But can he really manage to do that, when he’s supposed to be the Big Bad Scary Wolf who punishes everyone and doesn’t allow happiness in the dorms, as per so gracefully described by his lovely brothers?

The first day of the exams came much faster than Y/N realised - She had no idea how time flew by so fast, it felt like she just blinked and bam, exam days - So here she was, drinking her 3rd coffee for the morning while writing her answers for the exam.

Caladrius Blood was the third ingredient for that famous ancient elixir that required Powdered unicorn hood and bittergrass root, for the Magical Potions exam from that morning...

A forest, what covered the surface of Devildom shortly after it came into existence, the answer for the History exam from the afternoon...And a three-legged crow being the relief sculpture at the entrance to the Devildom royal tomb...

Yes, these were all incredibly easy questions, she had no problem, clearly. And that was the same for the 2nd day, with the hexes and curses... And then came the practical exam...Seductive Speechcraft test.

She looked around the classroom with a frown, knowing she had to pair up with someone, but all the brothers were crowding around her sister, and she could only sigh, looking down with her arms crossed, not knowing what to do.

“Would you like to pair up with me, Y/N?” Lucifer’s voice rang soothingly in her ear, making her turn around, her eyebrow raised in confusion. “You...Want to pair up...With me?” she asked in a slow, unsure voice, which made him smile and nod. “Yes, is something wrong with that?” he bent down slightly, getting closer to her face. “No, of course not. I was just...Surprised that anyone wanted to pair up with me. Anyway, we should get started.” she nodded, looking away from him and guiding him to a more secluded part of the classroom. “You have to be the one doing the seducing. I am really curious how you are going to proceed. Could you, perhaps, be...Scared?” with his infamous smirk, he looked smugly at how her otherwise unfaltering facade began to break slightly. “No...It’s just...If I knew I was going to be the one doing the seducing, I would have put on some make up this morning, so I wouldn’t look like I just woke up from death after being buried for 100 years...No, make that 1000 years.” she corrected herself after taking a quick look at her reflection on her D.D.D. “I can assure you, your appearance, for us, demons, won’t change a thing. It’s the words and gestures that matter.” he let out a soft chuckle, watching her nod in acknowledgement. “Okay, if you say so, then I will have to believe you. Can you promise me that you won’t attempt to kill me...Again...No matter what I say or do? Trust me, I want top grades, and I’m going to do anything in my power to snatch them.” her voice now was much firmer, and it sounded clearer, more confident. It was clear that her pride and ambition were on the line, and he wanted to see how she was going to seduce him. He could feel electricity running through his veins from the excitement. “Yes, of course. I won’t do anything to you. In fact, I will be the human, and you will be the demon. You have all the power now. Amaze me, Y/N.” he watched her turn to the side slightly, as if preparing her A-Game face - He was expecting her to try out an impersonation of a succubus, since they were plenty in Devildom, but what she did...Was beyond Lucifer’s power of comprehension.

Her eyes held a glimmer of innocence and pity, her soul somehow seemed to glow with purity and light, just like it was when she first arrived. Her demeanour wasn’t assertive, confident and mysterious, but held a tint of submissiveness and glowing affection, as if she wanted to touch him, but she was too afraid to approach a deity.

He thought that, as he gazed with interest at the girl in front of him, only to be shocked completely by how sweetly alluring her voice could sound, and he almost felt the need to have her cup his face so he could melt into her warm, soothing caress.

“Lucifer...Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Have you noticed how your health is starting to decline? I know you are a demon, and a few hours cut off your usual sleeping schedule won’t mean much for you, but you are exhausted, Lucifer. I hate seeing you like that...Overworking yourself...Finding more work to get piled under, even if you’ve already finished your assignments. I worry about you, and your health...But more...I worry about the reasons for your overworking. I know you’re trying so hard to keep away all the intrusive thoughts that keep plaguing your mind...You think that working to exhaustion is going to keep your mind busy, so you’ll sleep without having to overthink.” hearing those words, Lucifer truly wondered if she had veela or succubus genes in her family, or if her tongue was laced with the sweetest poison there is. She slowly approach him, gingerly holding both of his hands, looking down, imitating a timid kitten, and guiding him to the nearest chair behind him, so she could be at his height...Just a little above, creating the perfect angle to change from a submissive expression, to a more dominating, seductive gaze.

“You’re always so concerned about your brothers, wanting to make sure everything goes perfectly, to the plans that you create, because if things go out of control, you are afraid they will have to suffer...Just like it happened when you led the Rebellion. You still feel guilty for what happened. You are afraid that they regret following you...And so, you are purposely hurting yourself...And this self-inflicted pain became your own sense of comfort and defense. You are afraid that, if somehow, you indulge in your pleasure and the pain disappears, things are going to go out of control completely. You are afraid of the unknown and what it could bring...But trust me, Lucifer...I promise you...They love you. They love you, just as much as you love them. They don’t regret following you. You are a family, and they are happy and content staying together, all 7 of you, together. You deserve to be happy too, Lucifer. You deserve to allow yourself a day off from all this mess, and indulge in your pleasures.” she was so close to him, whispering in his ear, then crouching down, holding his hands, keeping them together and kissing them softly, sending shivers down his spine...But more, he froze completely on the spot. He was shocked...His mind was almost completely blank...Because...How could she possibly know all of this? How can she speak like that? She’s just a human...So...How...? Surely, his brothers had no idea, so how could she, a mere human who came by less than an year ago, understand and know him so well? His heart was beating fast, and it was in pain. It was expecting...It was conflicting everything he ever stood for. A day off? A day for himself? A day of self-care? A day...With her...?

“Won’t you allow me to take away the pain, just for the night? Allow yourself to feel something else other than pain and misery. Allow yourself to be happy. To feel emotional pleasure. Allow yourself to be yourself again, only for a night, because Lucifer, you are not a robot, or a machine, you are not programmed, wired, or running or petrol or gasoline. You have a beautiful heart that feels so much, but you are afraid of the myriad of unknown emotions that are desperately trying to burst out and scream at you to let loose...Because you can. You showed me that you are capable of letting loose, when we were stuck in Levi’s game. Do you remember, Lucifer? We were up on the roof, you had your hair in my lap, and I stroked it gently...You were smiling so beautifully...So carefree...Because you had no worries on your mind or heart. You were yourself. And you were happy.” she put her forehead to his, speaking softly, barely above a whisper, but despite her tone, her words spoke loudly, strongly, into his heart, making it pump faster and faster, energy shooting through his every nerve, vein, artery and capillary...His mind was completely captivated, and his heart was captured. Without even realising, his lips were parted and his eyes were wide from the shock, imagining himself in this utopic paradise that she created merely with her words.

“All you have to do is take my hand and follow me. It’s simple. You can do it, Lucifer. Let yourself feel. Let yourself be...What do you say?” she was perfect. She didn’t break her act for not even a split second. The sparkle in her eyes was there from the beginning to the end, and he could feel her fast-beating heart - It was regular for her, as she had the heart rate of a rabbit - It almost seemed natural for her to persuade and sweet-talk anyone like that. Without even realising it himself, he took her hand, looking at her eyes with an expression of wonder, awe and complete fascination...Until she gave him a devilish smirk, and her eyes started glinting with mischief, which made him frown slightly in confusion.

“I won.” was the last thing she said to him before pulling away from him completely, retorting to her bland and pained, exhausted demeanour. “If I made even Lucifer look at me with glazed eyes and made him take my hand, to take him to some dreamland oasis, then I’m sure I deserve the highest mark in the class.” she chuckled with a deadpan expression on her face, not looking at him. “How...Did you do that?” he asked in a low voice, almost not believing what just happend. “Oh, that was possibly the easiest thing I’ve ever done in a long while. You see...I hold great pride in being incredibly intuitive, perceptive, detail-oriented and being able to properly read people...And their hearts. If I had Asmo, I would have told him that he has an amazing personality, and he’s not just all-looks. If it was Mammon, I’d have showered him with praises. If it was Beel, I would have played the family, Lilith and guilt card...And the list goes on. If you, however, are asking how I managed to say all the right words to you...Well...It’s a bit different...And personal.” she spoke, looking at the teacher with a half-smirk as she was given the highest mark, and rightfully so. “What could be so personal that you managed to speak to me as if you are some ancient demon who has been luring people for aeons with her sweet words laced with acid?” he stood up, looking down at her with a stern expression, yet his mind and heart were fighting a war of conflict. “...I told you everything I would have liked someone to tell me all this time.” the raven haired man could see sadness clouding her face, before leaving to her room.

That was a true experience for Lucifer, he couldn’t deny that to himself, and more, for the whole day, no matter how much he tried to work - Her words kept haunting him, and as soon as he picked up the pen, he immediately thought back at the exam and threw it back on the desk.

He tried taking a hot bath, tried listening to that TSL soundtrack, but she was the one to give it to her, after she spent a fortune on Akuzon for his birthday present, but of course, he thought back at her, and he had to stop the music altogether.

Everything he did, he was reminded of those words that held the flavour of the Poison Apples he eats so often, and it was driving him insane. He could feel his brain overheating, and the pressure on his chest was so great that he wanted to dig his nails into his chest and rip apart the flesh, take out the heart and stomp on his heart, because he couldn’t take it anymore.  He was a demon, and he was a heavy sinner - He NEEDED to grab her hand and escape the horror of reality. He needed to feel that he wasn’t bound by space, nor time, a body or a brain - He needed to be just one soul, bound to another, to feel no more pain, no more reality - Only euphoria, content, happiness, pleasure.

He couldn’t believe he was so willing to give in to his desires, and it was only because of her. It was HER fault. And yet, her last words before her departure from the classroom kept echoing constantly - 

“I told you everything I would have liked someone to tell me all this time.”

He was right all along.

She truly was like him. She was the only one who could properly understand him, and likewise, he was the only one who could take her pain away.  Maybe it was his guardian-complex, having to constantly look after someone, needing to be useful to someone... He needed her, as much as she needed him... Because, unlike him, she could easily waste away, as she is nothing more than a human resembling the first Snowdrop in Spring. He could resist until the end of this world, just as he has done until now, but she couldn’t.

The endless train of thoughts was interrupted by yet another knock on his door, that proved to be the same person that plagued his mind - The little lamb walked into the wolf’s den, almost as if summoned, out of her own accord.

To bring him back his fountain pen, along with the promised high-quality ink...It made him chuckle at how adorable and thoughtful she was being, without realising.

“...You are troubled by something. Do you...Want to talk about it...Or should I leave you alone? I did say some pretty heavy words today, I understand if you wouldn’t want to stay in the same room as me for a while.” she gingerly put the items on his study, not looking up at him. “How come you never looked me in the eyes until then?” he asked, looking at her from the office chair. “I...Was never able to look anyone in the eyes, in my life. Now even my sister or my mother. It makes me start panicking...I get intimidated and scared...So I look away. I forced myself to behave the way I was supposed to, but it was the last thing from comfortable. Don’t take it personal.” she chuckled awkwardly, stepping back. “I was surprised that your words had such an impact that I was ready to follow you...But would you follow me? Would you be able to do the very thing that you told me just today? Would you be willing to strip away that facade of yours, take care of yourself, and allow your heart to feel again?” he asked, stepping slowly in front of her, almost resembling a predator prowling to its prey. “...I don’t want to break down and cry, because if I do...Things will only go downhill, very fast and very hard. I’m...Usually on a downward spiral, but when the wave hits...It takes a long time to swim back to the surface...And I’m sure for how many more times will I have the strength to move and breathe.” she muttered, shuffling on her feet, and Lucifer could understand very well. He could see how frail she has become, and it was all because her brain was working against her so heavily, for whatever reason that was eroding her so badly. “If you promise to stay by my side, I will be here to hold your hand and pull you out of the stormy tides. I will walk next to you for your whole journey, until you get tired of me. You just have to take my hand and let yourself be...Let yourself feel. Let out all the pent up emotions, then smile at me, because you have a beautiful smile, and I haven’t seen it in ages. I know you are afraid...It is frightening walking alone, in the dark, with so many monsters around you, ready to gnaw and maul at you...By I will be there, waiting for you, guiding you with a flashlight, ready to hold and protect you...So...What will you do, Y/N? Do you seek salvation and happiness, or are you ready to give up on yourself and want to succumb to the bottomless pit of the abyssal ocean you were thrown into.” he mimicked the way she talked, the way she moved, the way she articulated her words, as he took his gloves off, touching her face and softly caressing it, bending slightly to peer into her eyes.

He could see that she was afraid - She was beginning to tremble, her eyes were glossy, brimming with tears, her bottom lip was quivering and the conflict of good and evil was obvious inside of her - Her hands were in the air, ready, but not entirely, to grab his hands...

“All you have to do is take my hand and follow me. It’s simple. You can do it, Y/N. Let yourself feel. Let yourself be...What do you say?” he mimicked her own words, wanting to see if it would be enough of a push for her 

Choosing was truly a mortifying experience, but she was strong, he knew that - And that was made obvious when her shoulders finally started shaking, her breath becoming ragged....

And she threw her arms around his torso, letting rivers and rivers of tears fall down her already exhausted face. Her body was so small compared to his, so small...And so cold, in his warm arms...He couldn’t help but hold her tighter, stroking her hair soothingly, putting a kiss on the top of her head.

“Please take care of me, I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I-I don’t want to leech off of you...I’ve always been everyone’s therapist...And I know how much it sucks...B-But you’re the only one who ever bothered to show me any kindness and understanding. Please, Lucifer, don’t let me drown...I’m so tired of swimming...I can’t go on.” her sobs were so pitiful and broken that it shattered his heart and resolve, and all he could do was guide her to the bed, knowing she was too weak to sit up for too long, and started rocking her gently, as he would do with his brothers long ago, in the Celestial Realm, whenever they were upset or had a nightmare.

“Don’t worry, Y/N, I’m here, and I’m not going away until you tell me to. You won’t drown...You grabbed the lifeline the second you took my hand, and I’m going to make sure you keep floating above the sheen of the water and have no problem breathing.” he reassured her, knowing very well how hopeless it feels being in that situation...But now they could at least cling onto each other for help, support, love brightness.

“How...? How did you know everything...?” she asked, clutching on his shirt, almost as if the harder she pulled, the better the chances of survival. “Because the very words you told me are what you needed to hear the most.”

[camillemontespan]

us & other stories [AU. TRR] [part one: drake & camille]

This is the first part of this series that I plan to write more of in the New Year. This will be the only series I will focus on now, as opposed to the hundreds I had going. Nice and simple, back to basics. I do love an AU. 

                          ��   *****************************************

The therapist sat settled against the plush velvet chair and crossed her legs. On her lap was a notebook and a dictaphone was set on the table in front of her. She studied her two subjects who looked anything but settled on the other side of the table.

'So, Drake, Camille,' the therapist started, speaking in a calm voice that dripped like honey. 'Why are you both here today?'

Camille's jaw set and her eyes glistened. She quickly turned to look away, not wanting to embarrass herself.

Drake exhaled and raised his hands in defeat. 'We want to be happy again,' he replied, his voice weary. 'All we want is to get back to how we were. How we used to be.'

The therapist nodded and made a note in her notepad. 'How long have you been married?'

'Seven years,' Drake said. The therapist eyed Camille who was looking studiously at the floor. Clearly, she wasn't the talker in this relationship.

'And what made you both decide to come here today?'

Camille looked up quickly, her brown eyes flashing. 'He decided,' she said bluntly.

Drake closed his eyes. He was obviously counting to ten. 'Camille..'

'No Drake!' Camille interrupted. 'I'm all for saving our marriage but couldn't we at least do this in private? As in, no therapy? Just us, alone, over a bottle of wine, talking it out? I don't want to air our dirty laundry to this.. This person! Why can't we just talk in private -'

'Because I've tried that a hundred times!' Drake burst out, whipping his body round to face his wife. 'I've tried so hard to get you to just talk to me but you're never there! You're always on your laptop checking work emails, or you're taking important phone calls at 11pm-'

'I'm sorry that I'm trying to provide for our family!' Camille shouted. 'I'm sorry I have a job that demands a lot of me! But I need to keep this family afloat-'

'I do that too!' Drake cried. 'I'm the one who stays home all day looking after the kids, I'm the one who gets them ready for school! I've taken being a fucking house husband as a second job, which normally I'd be fine with, except I don't get any thanks!'

Camille stared at him. 'I do thank you!'

'Hardly,' Drake said dryly. 'We barely talk anymore. In fact, this is the most we've spoken all fucking week-'

'Enough!' the therapist called out sharply, pressing her fingers on either side of her nose. The warring couple looked at her and kept their mouths shut.

The therapist sighed and leaned forward, adopting a pose that encouraged support and confidence.

'Clearly, you both need to talk,' she said, 'which is convenient since you are here. But this is only going to work if both of you are ready to talk to each other in front of me. It can't be one sided. Camille, do you want to work on your marriage?'

Camille nodded, deflated. 'I do. I really do. I've just.. Never been to therapy before.'

Drake smirked. 'Usually she's the one who is always talking about feelings and being open. Oh how the tables have turned.'

'Stop being a prick, Drake,' Camille bit back, clenching the edge of the table.

Drake shook his head. 'Hypocrite,' he murmured. 'You're happy to help out our friends with their problems but as soon as its you under the microscope -'

'I don't want to be here because it means I've failed you!' Camille burst out, tears spilling down her cheeks, unable to hold back her true feelings anymore. 'The fact that we couldn't even talk to each other and end up here, seeking professional help..' her voice became low. 'I've let you down.'

Drake swallowed. His face had turned pale. 'You.. You haven't failed me,' he whispered, his eyes now boring into hers. 'I didn't take you here today to make you feel like a failure. That wasn't my intention. I just want to talk to you. That's all.'

The therapist studied them before making a prompt decision. 'Sit closer together,' she instructed.

'Why?' Drake asked, wrenching his eyes away from his wife.

'Because if you are going to talk about your marriage, you need to know this is a safe space. That means you can talk to me and talk to each other. Sit close together and support each other. Ignore your anger and hurt. Sit close, hold hands if you need to, and just talk. This is a safe space.'

They both reluctantly moved their chairs and sat closer together. Camille warily placed her hand on the table, closer to Drake's side- he rested his hand on hers. The therapist noticed that Drake discreetly squeezed Camille's hand.

That was a good sign. Often, the couples she saw refused to even sit closer. The therapist found that some couples didn't want to share more space than was necessary. The fact that Drake and Camille had followed her instructions and Drake squeezed her hand showed that there was still love there. They still wanted each other.

'You are both so busy keeping your family life together that you have forgotten that you are both each others family,' the therapist said. 'You have to make time for each other-'

'We're so busy,' Camille said, her voice cracking. 'We don't have time.'

'You do,' the therapist told her softly. 'If this marriage is worth saving, you will make the time.'

Camille fell silent. A tear slid down her cheek. 'I want to make the time,' she whispered. 'I do.'

Drake looked at her now. His eyes were filled with anguish. 'The world isn't going to end because you missed an email or work call,' he murmured. 'But..' He looked like he was about to say something else but decided against it. It didn't matter, the unspoken words were what Camille heard. Her eyes filled with more tears and she squeezed Drake's hand.

'Let's talk,' she whispered. 'Please.'

                                         **************************

The therapist learned that Drake and Camille Walker had been married for seven years and had two daughters. Lily was seven years old while Luna was two.

Camille worked as a partner at the prestigious law firm Pearl and Goldfinch, while Drake worked from home as a freelance graphic designer for a distillery company based in Brooklyn. He gave up working in the office as he wanted to be there to look after the kids while juggling his job. Their family situation was a modern and progressive one, but in the past six months it had become fractured and full of tension.

'I'm exhausted all the time,' Camille admitted. 'All I do is work and I barely see the girls as I get home late. I want to take reduced hours but I'm sorry, I don't mean to be arrogant Drake, but my paycheck is the one keeping us above water.'

Drake had understood and didn't argue. He knew the logistics. His job, as much as he loved it, didn't pay near enough to what he liked but it was flexible which was what mattered to him. It meant he could pick and choose his hours without sacrificing family life. Camille didn't have the same luxury.

'I feel like your job takes precedent over everything,' Drake told her. 'I get you want to support us and keep the family thriving, but I barely see you. We're like passing ships in the night.' His voice cracked. 'I miss you.'

The therapist noted the sadness on both their faces.

'When was the last time you had a date?' the therapist asked.

Camille and Drake blinked.

'Uh..' Drake mumbled. 'No idea.'

The therapist nodded. 'Thought so. Okay, this is going to be baby steps. But your homework after this session is to go on a date. A proper date. Don't talk about kids or work, just focus on each other and appreciate the moments. Reconnect.'

Camille nodded eagerly. 'Okay, Um, I'll block out a night -'

'What about right after this?' Drake asked Camille. 'The girls are being babysat by Bertrand. I'm sure he would understand.'

Camille smiled softly. 'Sure. Okay, let's do it.'

The therapist put down her notebook. 'Perfect but remember, baby steps here. Same time next week?'

                                              ***************************

Drake and Camille stepped out of the therapist's office building into the New York street. It was December and the air was biting cold, causing Camille to wrap her purple trench coat closer around herself. Drake studied her for a moment.  He could see that her entire demeanour had changed in the past seven years.

The old Camille had been carefree, confident and easy to talk to. But something had changed in her and she had gradually become serious, anxious and prone to an argument. Drake just wanted her old self back. He missed the woman he fell in love with.

Not that Drake was perfect. He knew he had changed too.

'So, where do you want to go?' Camille asked, breaking the silence.

Drake thought to himself. 'Drink? Think we need alcohol after that hour under the microscope, heh.'

'Which bar do you want to go to?' she asked, scuffing her boot on the sidewalk.

'I imagine you'd like a fancy wine bar,' Drake said, without sarcasm, 'though a dive bar would be more my scene. But hey, it's ladies choice. You pick the wine bar and we'll get the best bottle there is.'

Camille stared at him for a long moment. Crossing her arms, she slowly wandered towards him until she was close enough for him to see the gold flecks in her brown eyes. He adored her eyes.

'Dive bar it is,' she whispered, taking his hand and leading him down the street.

Drake felt warm surprise. Surprise because she had chosen a dive bar, the type of date he used to take her on before they got married. Surprise because she was holding his hand. He couldn't remember the last time they had held hands but this felt nice.

                                            *************************

They found a bar down the street called Black Fox. Drake told Camille to take a seat and he'd get the drinks in.

'What do you want?' he asked.

'Whiskey,' she replied.

Drake smirked and went over to the bar to order. Camille shrugged her coat off and delicately sat down at a high table, tucking her dark hair behind her ears in that anxious way she did. It was an anxious habit of hers and she hated herself when she did it.

She watched Drake at the bar. He was so tall, so broad. He commanded attention just from his stature alone. But he was also handsome, with dark hair, kind brown eyes and big hands that made her feel safe when they took her own. He smiled at the bartender, that lazy smile Drake had that Camille loved. She felt a tug on her heart. 'Be normal,' she whispered to herself. 'Don't fuck this up.'

She was secretly glad Drake had taken her to therapy today. Sure, he had sprung it on her as a surprise this morning which she had been furious about, but in the end, she was glad. She had been feeling low about their relationship for some time but had been too scared to mention anything. Too scared in case Drake turned to her and said, 'You're right, we're failing, let's get a divorce.'

She could see now that she had been overthinking it. Camille did a lot of overthinking these days.

Drake came back to the table with two glasses and a bottle. 'Thought I'd push the boat out,' he joked, setting the glasses down. He sat on the high chair opposite her and gave her a wobbly smile. Camille suddenly reached out to rest her hand on his cheek, her heart wrenching at the wobbly smile.

Drake's breath caught as his eyes roamed her face. 'You.. You okay?' he asked.

Camille nodded. 'I will be.'

                                            ****************************

Dive bars had been their thing at the start of their relationship.

Drake hated fancy restaurants with starched white table cloths and hard to pronounce dishes. He preferred bars with low lighting, smoke and dark corners where he could sit and be alone.

He had taken Camille to bars at the beginning of their relationship which he could see now wasn't the most romantic. A woman like Camille deserved better, he thought in hindsight. But she had been so easy going and told him she wasn't keen on fancy places either. She just wanted to get to know him without frills.

They had shared many bottles of whiskey over the years. Drake felt it only appropriate to share a bottle now.

'I'm sorry things got heavy in there,' Camille told him, pouring a double measure for Drake then for herself. 'I let my emotions get carried away.'

Drake smiled. 'You've always been the emotional one. I'm used to it.'

'I just felt like a terrible wife,' Camille said. 'And mother actually. Have things gotten so bad that we need a professional to help us?' she broke off and looked down at the table.

Drake reached out to take her hand. 'It's not so bad that it can't be salvaged,' he whispered. 'I love you.'

Camille nodded mutely. She was chewing the inside of her cheek, trying not to cry.

'Let's have a drink,' Drake said, raising his glass. Camille mimicked him and they clinked their glasses together.

'I love you too,' Camille murmured. 'I really do.'

Drake squeezed her hand. 'Then we're halfway there.'

                                             ***********************

Words tumbled out over the next two hours. Words of hurt, of frustration, of love.

'I guess I stopped being me after we had Lily,' Camille admitted. 'I'm not blaming her of course not. But I became so wrapped up in being a mom and wanting to give her the best life possible. I thought to do that would mean extra hours at work so my boss would recognise me and I'd be rewarded with pay rises and promotions. A pay rise so I could send her to the best school and make sure she never went without. I didn't want to give her the same childhood I had. It only got more full on after we had Luna.'

Drake nodded. He knew that Camille loved fiercely. She didn't want to repeat her parents mistakes.

'But I lost sight of everything else,' Camille continued. 'I began to work too much, put pressure on myself. I let my marriage become grey and cracked.'

Drake swigged his whiskey before he interrupted her. 'Camille, don't take all the blame for this,' he said, his voice steady. 'I'm at fault too.'

'No, you're like the perfect dad and husband,' Camille muttered, sipping her drink.

'No,' Drake replied bluntly. 'I put added pressure on you. When you came home late, exhausted after a long day, I would get at you. I'd complain I never saw you. I wouldn't ask how your day was because you being away made me resentful. Not because I think you should be at home like a good little wife but because all your time was dedicated to other people. I wanted a slice of that. But you were trying to keep this family afloat, as you said to the therapist. You were working hard for us. I just was too selfish to see it.'

Camille nodded slowly. 'Neither of us have been so good, have we?' she joked half heartedly, giving Drake a wry smile.

'No. We're meant to be a team at the end of the day,' Drake agreed. 'We both let our sides down.'

Camille exhaled and tossed back her whiskey. 'Can we get back together? As we were?'

'I want to,' Drake said. 'We've just got to put the work in. Be ourselves again. Drake and Camille.'

Camille smiled. 'You've become so in tune with your emotions,' she said. 'When we met, you were so closed off. Now you're the one saying we need to talk, see therapists..'

Drake smirked. 'I learned from you.'

Camille giggled. 'When did we switch places?!'

Drake grinned and poured another two glasses of whiskey. 'I know right?'

Camille raised her glass and fixed her eyes on his. 'To moments in between.'

Drake blushed, remembering the old toasts they used to do. Moments in between. Those moments in life that were to be appreciated and remembered fondly. Moments like stolen kisses, declarations of love, freshly brewed coffee in the morning with the love of your life. Cuddles with Lily. Playing with Luna. Making love with Camille. Moments in between.

Drake smiled and clinked his glass against hers.

                                             **************************

They stumbled out of the door after finishing the whiskey. Their vision was blurred and minds were hazy but damn it, they were having a good time.

After their serious talk, they had found themselves gradually joking and flirting over the bottle of whiskey. The alcohol had loosened their inhibitions and made them more cosy, more social.

Now, stepping out of the bar, the cold air hit them and Camille shivered. Drake smiled and gently brought her into him, wrapping his arms around her. 'There, there,' he said, patting her head. 'There, there.'

Camille dissolved into giggles. 'Thanks DAD.'

Drake chucked and held her tightly. He inhaled the scent of her hair - always coconut - and appreciated this cosy moment.

'I'm kinda hungry..' Camille said, her voice muffled against Drake's coat.

'Same,' he replied. 'What do you want?'

Camille wrinkled her nose, deep in thought, and Drake was struck by how much she reminded him of Lily. Their oldest daughter adopted that expression when she concentrated too.

'I want.. a cronut,' Camille decided, swaying. 'All the cronuts.'

Drake took her hand. 'Let's search for cronuts!'

                                           **********************

They wandered to Central Park. The trees were decorated with fairylights that were starting to glow against the twilight sky. The ice rink that dominated Central Park at this time of year was full of people, all laughing and screaming as they either skated well or fell down. The smell of hot chocolate, cinnamon and cloves mixed together.

Camille pointed to a food stand. 'I see cronuts.'

Drake led her towards the food stand. 'Two cronuts please, good sir!' he said to the vendor.

Camille snuggled into Drake as they waited for the cronuts. She looked up at him when he wasn't paying attention to her and she felt warm. How had she forgotten him? How had she neglected their relationship? He was a good man. He made her happy. Happiness was more important than money and targets.

Drake handed her a cronut. She took it gratefully and they found a bench to sit down on and watch the ice skaters.

'This is nice,' Camille said.

'Meh, smores are better,' Drake replied, shrugging.

Camille grinned. 'I meant this. Us. Cronuts are just a bonus.'

Their eyes met and stayed on each other for a long moment. Drake looked away first, taking a bite out of his cronut.

They ate in comfortable silence as they watched the ice skaters. When they finished, Drake took Camille's hand and guided her down the path to the ice rink.

'Uhh Drake..'

He gave her a wink. 'Ready to show them how it's done?'

Camille stared at him. 'But.. We've been drinking!' she hissed. 'This has disaster written all over it!'

Drake frowned. 'Like what?'

'Like we fall over! Or I fall and someone skates over my finger! Or we fall into people! Or things become all blurry! Or-'

Drake sighed and placed his hands on her shoulders. 'Camille,' he said firmly. 'Live a little. Come on, you would've done this years ago without overthinking. Why do you overthink so much?'

Camille bit her lip. 'I don't know.. I just worry more now, I guess. I worry about everything. Little and big things.'

Drake leaned down to press a kiss on her forehead. 'I got you.'

Camille looked out at the ice rink. Everyone looked happy. She wanted to be happy. She wanted Drake to be happy.

'Let's do it,' she decided. Drake grinned and they rushed to the booth to rent skates.

                                        ****************************

Drake held Camille's hand as they skated around the rink. They hadn't skated since they visited Vienna a few years ago with their friends. This was better. It was just the two of them.

Sure, their tipsyness from the whiskey wasn't helping their skating ability but who cared? Drake twirled Camille around and she threw back her head as she laughed, that throaty laugh she did that Drake loved.

'Ahh fuck Drake, I'm falling!' she squealed, losing balance as the twirling became too flamboyant.

Drake grabbed her and held her tightly to him. 'I got you, kid,' he said.

Camille flashed him a warm smile and they continued to skate in circles around, dodging kids that were skating fast.

They skated to the edge and rested for a while, looking up at the skyscrapers and fairylights that lit New York. Camille looked over at Drake who's cheeks were pink from the cold. His scarf was pulled up tightly around his neck.

Camille hesitantly moved closer. Drake looked down at her and smiled softly. Feeling brave, Camille leaned up and kissed him.

It was a deep kiss. A kiss that said so much that she had left unsaid. To Drake, it was familiar and cosy. They hadn't kissed like this in.. weeks. Weeks and weeks.

Drake's hands pulled her in closer before they raked through her hair. Camille moaned against his lips. He tasted of whiskey and cronut.

They slowly pulled apart, their cheeks flushed now from something else. Drake gently tucked a lock of Camille's hair behind her ear, his eyes locked on hers.

'I'm sorry I dragged you to therapy,' he murmured. 'I just wanted to talk.'

Camille smiled wobbly and wrapped her arms around his neck. 'Let's keep talking.'

                                               ******************

The following week, the therapist listened as Drake and Camille talked honestly about their feelings. They didn't raise their voices and they didn't interrupt each other. It was a good conversation, flowing easily. They held hands the whole time.

'Are you spending more time together?' the therapist asked.

Camille nodded. 'We have decided to have a date night every week. And I've blocked out three nights a week in my diary so I can leave work early. I want to see the kids for dinner and read bedtime stories. No work phone after 5.30pm.

The therapist made some more notes. 'Anything else?'

Drake leaned forward. 'I’m going to be more supportive and try and be there for us as a couple. But we want to continue therapy. There's still a lot to unpack but I think we can get there.'

The therapist looked up and smiled warmly.

'Mr and Mrs Walker, I have absolute faith in you. So, same time next week?'

[nyaacatboy]

Fate’s Door, Chapter 4: A Day In The Life Of Patton

Masterpost/Chapter 3/Chapter 5

If it weren’t for the kids, Patton would have left Archdale as soon as he’d turned fourteen and finished his schooling. Some days, he would even entertain the thought of jumping out the window and traveling to the sea, or the mountains. Yet he couldn’t bear to leave the younger orphans. The caretakers were apathetic at worst and brutally violent at best, and Patton at least knew how to bandage cuts and give kind words. He could keep the brutality of the institution from leaving too deep of an imprint.

Of course, they treated him much worse than the younger ones he cared for. Officially, Patton was listed as “Apprentice Caretaker,” but in reality his job was doing everything the older caretakers didn’t wish to do. Playing with the children, teaching them actual life skills, making sure everyone got enough to eat, kissing them goodnight, and any chores they found unpleasant. This treatment wasn’t the worst of it, however. The worst woke him up every morning and said farewell at night.

“Pamela! Pamela, it’s time to wake up dear.” The elderly woman lightly rapped on Patton’s door. “Come on, you’ve got to help prepare breakfast.”

Patton’s self-cut hair was still in a bird’s nest when he threw on his clothes and opened the door. “For the last time, it’s Patton. Times change.” They had this exchange every morning, yet they both refused to budge on their positions. Ever since Patton had found out that being a guy born in a girl’s body was a real thing, he’d insisted that everyone use his preferred name and pronouns. There were many sacrifices he made, but being himself wasn’t one of them.

Unfortunately, not everyone was a fan of self-expression. The caretaker kept talking.“Don’t be silly, dear. Your parents named you Pamela, don’t change it. You don’t want to toss aside the last thing your parents gave you?” Patton had long since figured out that the old woman who supposedly headed the institute was blind to more things than cataracts blocked from her view. “Besides, I don’t know why you insist on being called ‘he’ all the time. You’ve got such a motherly instinct!”

“It’s because I identify as male. And I care about other people because I’m empathetic, not because of instinct.” Heck, he’d even chosen the name “Patton” because it was related to the word “paternal.” Since basically forever, he’d wanted to be a dad in some way. Patton started making oatmeal, tossing in brown sugar while the woman aimlessly stood next to him.

“You really should grow your hair out. That’s such an unladylike style. What a shame, you’re so pretty.” Patton pretended that he was alone in the kitchen, and that he was about to go feed well-cared-for children their morning feast. He didn’t dignify her statement with a reply.

Patton carried the pot out to the children, who looked sullen and tired. He spooned oatmeal into everyone’s bowl, asking little questions about their morning and the weather to every kid. Their fatigued faces brightened slightly when he talked to them, and even more so when they dug into their breakfasts.

“So, what are we doing today?” Patton asked. Usually the caretakers told the children the day’s events first thing in the morning, and he didn’t want to get left in the dark.

A little girl opened her mouth to tell him, but the severe caretaker at the end of the table cut her off. Patton knew this woman, she’d started working here a few years ago, and was not a fan of children in the slightest.

“The children will be attending lessons, and in between lessons they will be learning how to clean up after themselves, something that has been quite the issue lately,” she said.  

Oh dear. Children with cleaning supplies. That wouldn’t end well, and Patton figured he would end up cleaning up the worst of it. At least he got a break to walk around town this afternoon, something to look forward to. “How is everyone doing with classes?” he asked, trying to diffuse the cold attitude the caretaker had brought to the room. Patton wasn’t allowed in the room when they did lessons, so he always liked to know how those things were going.

“I don’t understand science,” Angel, one of the younger ones, said.

Morgan adjusted her wireframe glasses. “I’m doing well with economics for now, but it’s always off and on.”

“I’m sure you guys can figure it out. Angel, you’re brilliant, you’ll soar above those challenges with your wings.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Angel replied, smiling slightly. The rest of the table groaned. They were all too accustomed to Patton’s relentless puns.

“And Morgan, they’re just numbers. They can’t have too many problems, they don’t even have brains. You’ll get it” Patton was trying to carefully diffuse most of the tension from the room, and for now he was succeeding.

Morgan rolled her eyes and resumed eating her oatmeal. Nona piped up. “I’m doing well in pretty much everything, but I wish we could do more field trips.”

This prompted a discussion about their last trip to the North River, remembering studying small organisms under the microscope and goofing off in the shallow areas. Patton enjoyed the conversation, but remembering refusing to go into the water because he didn’t want to show his body brought his cheery manner down a notch.

His mood plummeted further when one of the maids motioned for him to leave the dining room. Apparently, he had to wash the windows and guide some prospective parents this morning. Washing the windows was hard physical labor, but it was at least a distraction from thinking about the kids doing their lessons and not getting the guidance they needed. He focused on getting bird poop off of the windows to their bedrooms instead.

The windows were nearly done when someone called for him to come in. Patton dropped down from his stepladder and carried his window-washing supplies with him to the entrance. He pushed them into a closet, smoothed out his shirt, and cleaned the grime off of his pants. “I’m ready. When are they coming?”

The eldest of the caretakers tsked at him. “No, dear, you’re not even dressed properly. Here, you’d best wear this, and put your hair under this cap. I don’t know how you can stand having it so short!” She handed him a bundle of clothes.

Patton lifted up the top piece of clothing. “A dress? Can’t I just wear a nice pair of pants or something?”

“Absolutely not. You’re a young lady, act like it!”

He got dressed, and obediently tucked his hair into the cap. Knowing full well that he’d likely get asked to take them off, Patton put on his glasses. They always made him feel more masculine, no matter what got him down. He didn’t absolutely need to wear them, but they did make things a little clearer.

Thankfully, no one mentioned his glasses. He led the prospective parents around and patiently listened to their questions while the caretakers ran off to do who knows what. He lied through his teeth about the treatment of the children there, knowing that people only adopted poorly-treated orphans out of pity. The children deserved better than pity parents. They asked all the right questions, and even thanked him for the tour. Patton was almost sad to see them go. He’d recommended that they adopt Angel, because the little bean deserved parents as good as they would be, and their positive dispositions would only help the little dude.

Materializing out of nowhere, the caretakers returned. “What great friends they are. They must have such a great connection in order to raise children together,” one mentioned.

Patton distinctly recalled that the two women had been holding hands the entire time. “I think they were more than friends. They held hands the whole time,” he mentioned, knowing full well that the caretakers wouldn’t get it.  

In the interest of his sanity, Patton tuned out their replies until they told him what he would be doing that afternoon. It was more chores, he had to mow the lawn and clean the kitchen. Patton dressed in what he’d been wearing this morning, then got to work, daydreaming about what he’d do with his free period. He had decided on going to the bookstore and taking a walk in the park once he was done with the kitchen, and now he was onto the lawn. The lawnmower cut neat lines in the grass, and Patton thought about his future.

In all honesty, Patton had no clue what he’d do with himself once he was eighteen and couldn’t stay with the institute and care for the kids anymore. There were certain things he refused to do, like work in a factory running machines. He had vague ideas: helping the kingdom (in general), being happy, making friends his own age, and distancing him from this institute as soon as possible. Nothing solid, despite the harebrained schemes he’d dreamed up when particularly bored that ended with him the hero of the city and with every caretaker mysteriously dead or missing. Also the perfect body, and a hot boyfriend.

Well, he was done with the lawn, and it was four o’clock, so Patton left the lawnmower where it was and set out into the heart of town. He bought a cookie from a small bakery, then walked around the park and pet every dog he met. It’s the little things in life. The bookstore was his next destination, Patton planned on buying a book or two for himself and some picture/elementary level books with his meager allowance. Morgan had been begging for some famous author’s new release, so he had to get that.

Logan, the apprentice at the bookstore, greeted Patton on his way in. Logan and Patton were no more than acquaintances(although Patton would totally date him), but Patton could tell something was definitely off about him. Usually, the Logan was a bit friendlier and less...awkward. With hopes that Logan would just come out and tell Patton what was bothering him, Patton puttered around the store, picking up all the books he wanted. It was strangely empty, but after a day’s worth of chores, Patton didn’t really care.

At the checkout, Patton decided to make a little small talk. Perhaps it would brighten up Logan’s day.

“Not much of a crowd here. Did the comedy books put people in stitches?” he teased, carefully gauging Logan’s reaction.

“No, it’s not that. Technically, we’re supposed to be closed, but you usually drop in some time from four to six, so I opened it as soon as I saw you coming in. I have something I think you might be interested, no, concerned about, no, find sad-I have something you might like to see.”

“What?” Patton asked. What was Logan going on about?

“Uh, I think you’d best read it for yourself.” Logan slid a piece of parchment over to Patton across the counter.

TAGS: @fanficptsd

[emperor-lover]

Hwang Minhyun College/university!AU

hi everyone, im relatively new to this but I thought I’d give writing scenarios a shot! feel free to send in requests for Nu’est or W1!

• ok so you’re a second year college/uni student doing a science degree majoring in anatomy • you love it except when you have to do histology  • like everyone around you seems to know what they’re looking at but you’re just like ?? • pink blobs EVERYWHERE • you and your best friend sit next to each other in the lab so it’s always enjoyable • plus there’s a super cute guy who sits opposite you • turns out he’s a 3rd year student taking some extra papers to prepare for his PhD • He was Daniel and Jaehwan’s senior at high school and they said that everyone loved him • “ohhh that’s Hwang Minhyun? he was class president and one of the top scholars!” • “I heard he aced all his papers last semester too which is crazy because he’s on the student association this year” • so yeah he’s super smart and always finishes work super fast and can leave the lab early • unlike you and your friend who tend to get distracted and take the whole 3 hours of the lab • although you havent really talked to him much you notice that minhyun glances over at you sometimes during labs • but you just think he’s looking at your friend lol he’s not tho, he looking at u • one day your friend gets sick so she couldn’t attend the lab • it sucks because this week’s lab happens to be more difficult than usual so you struggle to do everything by yourself • Minhyun looks over at you when you sigh in frustration • “you alright there?” • you just scrunch your nose and shake your head • he just chuckles good-naturedly at you and continues working • after a few minutes, you hear the scrape of the chair next to you and minhyun plonks down next to you • “how about we partner up for today then?”

• you’re taken aback but how could you refuse when someone asks so nicely • you end up whizzing through the majority of the lab super fast thanks to minhyun’s help but sometimes you get a bit distracted by his presence • like when he’s looking down the microscope and can’t see you, you cant help but admire his sharp jawline and adams apple and pink ears and -  • you swear your heart is pounding so freaking fast as if it’s going to burst and you’re thinking you’ll end up examining your own heart under the microscope instead  • (calm down calm down relaxuu) • “y/n?” • you blink rapidly trying to act like you werent checking him out lol • Minhyun just tilts his head slightly and raises his eyebrows in confusion, completely unaware wow he so cute • the two of you didnt really talk too much about stuff not relating to the lab, but you’re on name basis now, so that’s a start • “see you next week y/n!” • fast forward to next week, your friend is better now so shes at the lab • minhyun walks in and pouts slightly when he sees that the chair next to you isnt free • you dont notice him until he sits opposite you and you give him a bright smile • which he returns just as brightly and you feel yourself melting and you realise that wow this crush you’re harbouring is going to kill your heart • surprisingly Minhyun doesnt finish the lab early today • and as you’re packing up your things you look over at him, you notice he’s actually dozed off  • “Minhyun?” you shake his shoulder gently, “hey…wake up, we can all head home now” • he blinks up at you slowly, before looking at his watch and looking back up at you in shock • “When did I fall asleep???” • “I’m not sure, maybe 20 minutes ago?” • his ears are bright pink in embarrassment and you both laugh at the situation • You make your way outside, and you realise that it’s POURING down with rain and you didnt bring your raincoat or your umbrella • your friend lives in the opposite direction from you so she literally just says “good luck” and runs off in rain • you just stare up at the sky and wonder what you did to deserve this luck • you’re about to brace yourself to run in the rain home, when an umbrella opens up next to you • “Going home?”  • “Unfortunately, yes” you sigh • He laughs and gestures for you to stand under his umbrella, “I’m heading in that direction too, do you want to walk with me?” • At first you refuse because you feel bad, but then it starts hailing and you’re like screw it im going to share this umbrella with this cute boy i have a crush on because i aint walking in this shitty weather • Turns out Minhyun literally lives one block away from you • like literally 5 minutes away • so he insists on walking you all the way home  • ”it’s on the way, dont worry, I dont want you catching a cold from getting rained on!” *cue blushing*

• During the walk, the two of you make small talk, and end up bonding over the fact that you’re doing the same major, and how you both have a passion for composing music and languages • And you find out that the two of you have quite a few mutual friends that it’s surprising that you’ve never actually met until this semester. • and the two of you talk so naturally as if you’ve known each other for ages • And when you finally get home he walks you right up to your doorstep so you dont get rained on and gives you a little wave and a shoulder bump • “see you next week y/n!” • as soon as you get inside you clutch your heart because the two of you were walking so close to each other because of the rain so sometimes your arms would brush against each others accidentally, and you could smell his cologne and just his presence and aura was so nice and comforting • ayyyy fast forward to anatomy group project time!! everyone’s fave thing to do not • you’re not looking forward to it at all bc everyone is randomly assigned a partner • when you go look at the list of names you spot your own and the name next to yours is - • "ooh I guess we’re partners then!” • minhyun (surprise surprise) beams down at you • you end up spending lots of time together • at first it’s because of the project, but in the end it became an excuse to see each other • like you’d study in the library together • or go to each other’s houses to work on the project • but you’d end up just talking for hours or watching a movie or eating snacks • and he’d still walk you home after your labs, even if it wasn’t raining • one day he mentions that he’s composed a song with his best friend Dongho and asks if you want to listen to it • and you’re like hell yeah of course! • and he puts his headphones onto your head so gently • and brushes the hair away from your face • he’s clearly nervous about your reaction • but like he literally has nothing to worry about because the song is straight up so good, you’re in awe • “this is amazing Minhyun!” • “You like it?!” • He’s so happy, he gets a bit carried away and sweeps you up in a big hug, and his hand is on the back of your head pulling you closer to his chest • You can feel his heart beating super fast • and you’re like “wow, my heart only beats this fast when im with you” • Minhyun’s pulled back and his eyes are wide like !? and he’s blushing like crazy • oh shit, did you say that out loud? • lol ok yeah you did • time to hide from minhyun forever, this is so embarrassing you cant believe you freaking said - • “your heart beats quickly when you’re with me?” • and you dont know what to do so you just blink and…….nod • and his face breaks out in the biggest smile ever and his eyes crinkle into cute little crescents and you can feel yourself melting away • and he pulls you back into his chest • “well clearly you have the same effect on me” • the two of you start dating, and when after you make it official all your friends are all like “god, took you long enough, we thought this day would never come” • And when the deadline for the project comes along you guys spend all your efforts together on it and you end up acing it and everyone thinks you two are life goals because there is just so much perfection in your relationship • and everytime it rains, the two of you remember that day you properly met and walked home together and it’s just super cute and loveableeee hope you enjoyed! I’ll post more soon! 

[sagechan]

here in the grass with you

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairing: Kagehina

Words: 4,690

Tags: One-Shot, Porn Without Plot, Porn With Feelings, Fighting, Blowjob, Minor Character Death (It’s not anyone we know from the cast, it’s Tobio’s old judo teacher, don’t worry lol)

Kageyama punched Hinata in the face, then whirled around and kicked him in the ribs, sending him flying onto his back. Hinata landed with an oof, then a snarl, and he sprang back up. He dashed in close, raised his arm to block Kageyama’s left hook, jabbed in with his own slug right to Kageyama’s belly. Body shot. Kageyama gasped, groaned, rolled away from the hit. He danced on the balls of his feet, bounced side to side, arms raised around his head. He narrowed his eyes at Hinata, murderous intent pouring from him. Hinata looked back at him with just as much wild, manic energy.

    “Okay, everyone! That’s enough for today. Wrap it up!”

    Kageyama and Hinata relaxed at once, lowering their fists. They took off their padded sparring helmets and gloves, bowed to each other, then bowed with the rest of their judo class to the teacher at the front of the room. “Thank you, sensei!” the students called.

    The teacher dismissed them, then took her bag and left. Kageyama and some others gathered at one end of the room, chatting in low voices. A few of them were complimenting Kageyama’s skills, and he accepted the compliments with silent gratitude, a little awkward around the others. Some of the students in the class with him were younger, but most were a few years older, some even full grown adults. They praised aspects of his sparring like his sturdiness and strength. He just thought he’d been too stiff.

    “Oi, Kageyama.”

    Kageyama’s face clouded, and the room stilled. The people talking to Kageyama went quiet. He looked up from his bag.

    Hinata Shoyou stood over him, bag already slung over his shoulder. His gi hung open at the front, his arms crossed over his bare chest. He was breathing hard, beads of sweat glinting on his forehead. Kageyama stared at him coolly, hoping his own perspiration wasn’t obvious. Around them, a small crowd of the other students silently gathered. He ignored them. He had eyes only for Hinata.

    “When are you going to beat me for real, Kageyama?”

    A muffled chorus of oohhs came from the younger students, and the older adults chuckled.

    But then Kageyama dropped his bag and stood to his full height, his legs planted firmly, fists clenched, shoulders broad and hunched with power, and the snickering laughs choked off. Most of them had never sparred with Kageyama Tobio before. Most weren’t good enough. Most were too afraid. Only one ever sparred with him, the only one Kageyama bothered to pair with. Hinata. But the rest of them still recognized the power in his body, the latent strength lurking in his muscles that, when he took his stance, radiated from him like an aura of death.

     Everyone instinctively backed away. Only Hinata still stood in front of him, arms crossed, staring straight up at him, unfazed by Kageyama’s height or strength. To him, they were only obstacles. Something to climb. Kageyama’s lip curled.

    “I can beat you anytime you’d like, dumbass,” Kageyama said, planting his hands on his hips, casual as could be. All his awkwardness was gone. Everyone knew of the rivalry between these two. It seemed like Hinata was the only person Kageyama could talk to without any anxiety, but was also the only person Kageyama strove the most to best in every single lesson.

    “How about right now, Bakayama?” Hinata’s face was flushed, and his eyes gleamed. Kageyama knew the others couldn’t see it, couldn’t detect the subtle shift, but he could. Hinata’s entire body practically vibrated with an energy that wanted release. Kageyama hated to admit it, but his stamina was nothing compared to Hinata’s. How he could keep going was beyond understanding.

    But if Hinata wanted to fight, who was Kageyama to say no?

    “Outside,” he said, bending to grab his bag. “Behind the dojo.”

    Hinata nodded, eyes glimmering with the spark of a challenge. “Good.” He turned, and the other students who followed him around like his fans marched after him, giggling and whispering among themselves.

    Kageyama watched him leave, then slung the bag over his shoulder. He paused, turned. The other students in the room quickly went back to their bags and gear, trying to avoid his gaze. Good. He didn’t need anyone to follow.

The first time Kageyama ever flew, it was a short flight. His feet were kicked out from under him, he was flipped over his master’s back, and then there was nothing but air all around him. Gravity had no hold over his body. His back arched over his master’s shoulders, his legs flailed wildly, his arms reached for some kind of support. But within himself, deep in the center of his being, time stopped. He felt eyes looking at his body, watching him fall, and he thought they may have been his own.

    The landing was always hard. His master taught him that again and again. Up into the air, Tobio-chan, then down like the lightning, fast! He needed to prepare for falls by knowing where his own gravity was, not the earth’s. The world’s gravity will pull you in, Tobio-chan. Resist it! Do not be pulled down where I cannot follow. Resist! Find your own gravity. Find your own force to push the world.

    Tobio was only eleven when his master died. He’d been a private judo tutor, hired to instruct the only Kageyama child in how to defend himself. At first, it was supposed to be light training, something fun. But so often the sweetest things cause the most bitter pain. Kageyama’s gradually more intense lessons over the years taught him one kind of pain.

    Losing his first friend taught him another.

    It takes one moment, Tobio-chan, his master had said, his wispy gray beard fluttering in the breeze as they sipped tea on the back porch, looking out over the small rock garden in his master’s tiny yard. His eyes had sparkled that afternoon with the sunlight like he saw something on the other side of the garden, something Kageyama couldn’t see yet. Three days later, the old man would be in the hospital, his heart finally unable to take the burden of its long and violent and loving life. It would give out while he slept there, surrounded by the ghosts of his students, some-eighty of his children. It only takes one moment to realize you love something. If you love something, you must fight for it. That is why I teach you, Tobio-chan.

    Several weeks after he joined the nearest dojo, Kageyama began to understand there was no one who could properly challenge him the way his master had. He begged his parents to let him quit, but they refused to hear it. He’d loved judo before, why quit now? He couldn’t explain it to them. He couldn’t make them understand that it doesn’t only take one moment to fall in love with something. It takes one moment, one loss, to make you feel utterly broken.

    But he stuck with it. No Kageyama had ever quit from anything before, or at least that’s what his father told him, so by god, he’d keep practicing judo. Tobio went through the motions as the years passed, learned what he could from the various teachers at different levels, plateaued. He had other things to worry about soon enough. Secondary school. His new volleyball team. The strange new way girls would look at him when he walked through the halls, like he was a culture of blood cells under a microscope and they wanted to look closer, but didn’t want to get their hands dirty yet.

    Time passed, as it always does. Time can be cruel that way. It leaves nothing behind but stories that are only as good as the amount of times you tell them. And even then, they change. In a new school, with new friends, Kageyama had no one to tell his stories of judo. He had no one who shared something he loved. Something he had learned to fight for.

The day Kageyama met Hinata Shoyou—bright, fiery eyes boring into his as they faced off on the sparring mat—Tobio remembered what it was like to fly again. For the first time, he was knocked down, he was sent sprawling back, and he lost his gravity.

    The day he met Hinata Shoyou—loud, chipper voice and a cunning, friendly smile—Kageyama remembered what it was like to push himself, force his muscles to strain and resist another body. A cold ember in his belly sparked, a flame caught, a fire ignited into a roaring inferno. He remembered what it was to feel heat.

    The day Kageyama Tobio met Hinata Shoyou, his master’s voice pumped through his body like blood, like breathing, like prayer.

    It takes one moment, Tobio-chan. It only takes one.

When Kageyama got outside, Hinata was waiting for him, his bag thrown to the ground. He’d removed the top half of his gi, which some girl clutched in her hands. She and the other girls practically drooled over him, but Hinata ignored anything they said or did. He simply waited there, stance wide, arms folded. Kageyama studied the way Hinata’s biceps bunched up when he folded his arms like that, the way his abs clenched when he caught sight of Kageyama rounding the corner, like their fight had already begun. There was no denying Hinata’s strength. He was the only opponent Kageyama acknowledged in the class. The only one worth fighting.

    Kageyama dropped his bag next to Hinata’s. He took off the top half of his gi, too, and draped it over his bag. The girls surrounding Hinata suddenly seemed to waver, staring at Kageyama’s bare torso, torn between their loyalty and the adventure of getting to explore something new. Kageyama kept his eyes on Hinata, and he almost laughed to himself. As if he’d bother to let these girls get anywhere near him. He had an enemy to crush.

    “Hinata,” he called as he walked towards him. His fists clenched at his sides. “Are you ready for the thrashing of a lifetime?”

    Hinata grinned, and a breeze suddenly whipped at his hair. He looked wild, like a beast of the mountain come down to face a lonely warrior. But that warrior would be stronger, Kageyama would show him. No amount of raw, animalistic ferocity could match the cold precision of disciplined power. If Hinata was the monster, then Kageyama would be the warrior. He would slay this monster right here and now.

    No one said “Go.” None of Hinata’s spectators raised an arm to signal the beginning. They stood there on the sidelines, silent and tense, eyes flicking back and forth between the two facing off. Even they could feel the rising pressure, the building static energy that sparked between Hinata and Kageyama, a lightning bolt about to strike.

    Then Kageyama twitched a muscle, Hinata shifted his foot forward, and their battle began.

    They flew at each other. Kageyama like a spear, sturdy and strong; Hinata like an arrow, quick and supple. They clashed, fists flying into perfect blocks, kicks and leg-holds inverted instantly, a chokehold slipped out of, a headlock broken, grabs and jabs and slices and chops.

    They were everywhere, all over each other. Kageyama flipped Hinata over his back, but Hinata simply rolled out of it and pinned Kageyama’s arm. Kageyama managed to spin away, then came back with a strike to Hinata’s face. The other boy ducked, retreating back, head bobbing, arms raised in perfect position. Grinning widely.

    Kageyama’s snarled. This dumbass was smiling?

    “What’s wrong, Bakayama,” Hinata called. “Too slow to catch me?”

    Kageyama’s eyes widened. Too slow? Too slow? No one was faster than him.

    “Shut up, dumbass,” he snarled. He lashed out for him, but Hinata jumped away again. The cold, analytical part of Kageyama’s brain was impressed with his speed, but the part of his brain currently active was the part screaming RIP HIS ARMS OFF!

    On the sidelines of their fight, Hinata’s little fan club was cheering for him, though some had begun to cheer for Kageyama, too. Kageyama barely registered them. He saw only red. Red anger, red bloodlust, red hair, red eyes, gleaming light like a bleeding sunset. He blinked, sweat dripping into his eyes. He was breathing heavy. Where was Hinata?

    Something jabbed into Kageyama’s side. He grunted, dropped to one knee. He glanced to his right. Hinata was on the edge of his vision, a flash of red hair, red everywhere, bouncing on his feet, side to side, side to side, god this was exhausting, but he could keep going, how could he keep going, what was inside his stupid, puny body that made him keep going…

    Kageyama forced himself to stand with a groan. He craved murder. His eyes found Hinata’s. Hinata looked calm as he stared into the face of his death.

    “I’m gonna kill you,” Kageyama hissed. He held his abdomen, a slight twinge of pain now throbbing dully, becoming sharper and more constant. His side must have been bruised. Hinata was good, very good, to get through Kageyama’s defense.

    Hinata’s eyes glimmered. His defensive position slacked. He stared at Kageyama, head titled, those eyes searching, searching, red. Golden. The wind tugged his hair. It cooled both their bodies, slick with sweat and steaming from the effort. Their chests expanded in rhythm, breathing in, out, exhaustion, exertion, the strain of their bodies both thrilling and tiring. Kageyama saw Hinata’s legs shaking. His own arms were trembling. They were too evenly matched—Kageyama’s strength, Hinata’s speed.

    But there was solid, heavy power in Hinata’s muscles. His punch to Kageyama’s ribs proved that.

    And there was lightning, quicksilver speed in Kageyama. He would show Hinata. He would show all of them.

    “I’ll kill you,” Kageyama said again, his breath returning to normal, his pulse evening out. He straightened, dropping his hand from his ribs. He watched Hinata, waited to see how he’d react.

    Hinata only smiled. “You’ll have to catch me first.”

    Then he was gone.

    Kageyama stared at the spot where he’d been. Hinata’s fans stared as well. They looked to Kageyama.

    He was gone, too.

    It took him only a moment to register what had happened. Hinata, being the shrimpy string-bean he was, hadn’t vanished, but had sunk into the high grass. Kageyama had to begrudgingly admit the brilliance of Hinata’s maneuver. He’d steered their fight towards the area of wild grass in the field behind the dojo, and now was taking advantage of it. Kageyama would have to find him before he could finish him.

    He peered through the grass, stepping carefully. He knew Hinata’s senses were as sharp as his own. One false step and he’d give away his location. He brushed aside some of the stalks. Careful, step careful, breathe as silently as possible, careful, Hinata knew his breathing, he had to mask it, careful, he knew Hinata’s breathing, he had to listen for it, careful, careful—

    A hand touched Kageyama’s neck, fingers solid and straight like a dagger, right to the throat, and Kageyama froze.

    “Dead,” Hinata said, appearing from the grass to the left. He kept his hand at Kageyama’s neck, fingers grazing under his jawline, hovering right over a central nerve that he could press any second, and Kageyama would drop like a stone.

    Kageyama glared at him. “You used the grass. That’s not fair.”

    Hinata shrugged. “Terrain is always part of a fight. Use your surroundings, young one.”

    Kageyama scowled. “I told you to stop calling me that. Just because your birthday—”

    “Uh-uh, young grasshopper,” Hinata said, his voice playful. “What happens when one of us wins?”

    Kageyama swore. His glare would have made a baby cry, but Hinata only grinned. Finally, muttering to himself, Kageyama bowed stiffly at the waist. “I am the biggest poo-poo-head in all of Japan,” he said through gritted teeth.

    “I thought you had to say ‘in the world,’ Kageyama,” Hinata said.

    Kageyama grimaced. “In the world,” he corrected.

    Hinata laughed. “Good.” He dropped his hand from Kageyama’s neck. His eyes gleamed, curious, hesitant. “Are we done for today, Tobio?”

    Kageyama’s cold glare slipped, then crumbled. He sighed, nodded. “Yes, Sho, enough for today. I’m fucking tired.”

    “Gaahh, me too! If you were tired, why didn’t you say anything?”

    Kageyama snorted. “And look like a wimp in front of your little fan-club? Please.”

    Hinata laughed. “Bakayama,” he said fondly, sliding forward to slip his arms around Kageyama’s waist. “The whole reason we do this is to make you look like a badass. Trust me, they’re all scared of big, mean Kageyama. No one in the dojo is gonna steal me away.” He smiled.

    Kageyama grunted, lowering his head to bury his face in Hinata’s hair. Sweaty hair. Gross. “I know that, dumbass. You’re not exactly shy about the whole, ‘I’m gay!’ thing with everyone there. I just want to make sure. I get, you know…” He hesitated. “Scared,” he murmured into Hinata’s hair. “Scared that someone will—I don’t know—whisk you away, or—I don’t know.”

    Hinata leaned back. He looked up at Kageyama. “Bakayama,” he said softly. He took Kageyama’s face in his hands. He pulled Kageyama down to his mouth. He kissed him. There in the field of grass behind the dojo, hidden from the others, he kissed Kageyama, deeply, sweetly, the taste of their own sweat salty on their lips, their mouths warm and wet inside each other, close, close, they were so close, touching, touching everywhere.

    Kageyama paused. He looked down at Hinata. Hinata looked up at him. They didn’t speak, though their bodies were doing plenty of it for them.

    “We shouldn’t,” Kageyama murmured, but his hands had already found Hinata’s waist.

    “No,” Hinata whispered, his arms snaking around Kageyama’s torso, fingers trailing lightly over his broad back and shoulders. “We really shouldn’t.”

    “Someone might see.”

    Hinata looped his hands around Kageyama’s neck and leapt up, wrapping his legs around the other boy’s hips, jamming himself in close. So close. He pressed his forehead to Kageyama’s. “If anyone sees us,” he said, his breath sweet and warm on Kageyama’s face, “it’ll be because you’re too fucking big. Get down here in the grass with me, Tobio, and show me if you’re really tired after all.”

    Kageyama dropped to his knees, supporting Hinata with his hands spread across his lower back. Hinata wrapped his legs tighter around him. Kageyama stared into Hinata’s eyes. Golden, fiery, hungry eyes. “You want to? Here? Now?”

    Hinata closed his eyes and leaned his head back, hanging off Kageyama’s neck. Sunlight warmed his pale throat. “I want you,” he said. “I always want you.”

    Kageyama leaned forward and kissed the soft skin of Hinata’s throat. He pressed his mouth to where the collarbone met the neck, grazing his teeth over the smooth flesh. Hinata whimpered. Kageyama’s knees went weak at the sound.

    He slowly let Hinata down onto his back, laying him on the ground. Hinata sighed, sprawling out like a languid cat. He grinned up at Kageyama, his face glowing in the golden sunlight filtered through the high grass. Kageyama leaned down and resumed kissing him. His neck. His chest. The light dusting of freckles on his shoulders. His nose. His mouth. His cheeks. His mouth. His forehead. His mouth.

    “Ah, Tobio,” Hinata murmured, his voice strained. “Shit.”

    Kageyama hummed, kissing Hinata’s neck again. He could feel the Adam’s apple in Hinata’s throat bob as he swallowed, heard the wet sound of Hinata’s tongue licking his lips, the soft sigh, the moan, the moan when Kageyama pressed his knee right there.

    “It’s a good thing you took your gi off,” Kageyama breathed, his lips red and swollen as he pressed light, fluttering kisses to Hinata’s shoulder. Hinata’s upper chest was wrecked with the marks of his mouth. “I probably would have ripped it right off you.”

    Hinata smiled at him. “There’s still plenty for you to rip off me, Tobio. For example, my pants are incredibly uncomfortable right now. Could you do something about that?”

    Kageyama grinned. Pressing kisses to Hinata’s body—his pectorals, his sternum, his belly, his hips—he moved down Hinata’s torso until his mouth arrived at the cinched elastic of the waistband of Hinata’s pants. He glanced up as he slowly, coyly, took the waistband in his teeth.

    Hinata let out a shaky laugh, and Kageyama heard a breathy “Oh my god.” He smiled around the fabric in his mouth, and he began to pull down, still looking up at Hinata.

    “Yes, Tobio, fuck, keep looking at me like that,” Hinata groaned. “God, you’re so fucking beautiful.”

    Kageyama smirked. He growled into the fabric, tugging it, teasing. Hinata laughed, moaned, sighed. “Tobio,” he said weakly. “Get them off me.”

    Reaching up to use his hands along with his mouth, Kageyama dragged Hinata’s pants down. He spat them out, gazing hungrily down at the tight, bulging underwear still in his way. He pressed his palm to the bulge, then his other palm, wrapping both hands along Hinata’s entire length through the fabric of his boxers. “Shoyou,” Kageyama said. “Have I ever told you I fucking love how big you are?” He pressed his lips to the bulge. A stain of precum already leaked through the boxers.

    Hinata squirmed, holding his breath, trying to keep himself from gasping out loud. “Tobio, mm, shit, please…please just get them off, I want you on me so bad…”

    Kageyama needed no further encouragement. He grabbed the hem of the boxers and, with the help of Hinata wiggling his hips, ripped them off as well.

    Hinata’s cock fell out of the tight fabric, laying against his thigh, thick and heavy. Kageyama stared at it, licking his lips, his mouth hanging open. “Shit,” he whispered, laughing a little. “I want that in my mouth so fucking bad.”

    Hinata propped himself up on his elbows, gazing down at Kageyama lazily. “So take it,” he said quietly. “I want you to have it.” He closed his eyes again. “I want you to have all of me.”

    Kageyama took Hinata’s cock in his hand, stroking it lightly at first. It was thick and warm in his fingers. He leaned down and kissed the head lightly. Hinata hissed. “Fuck.”

    Kageyama placed his lips to Hinata like holy water. It was less like swallowing, more like forming his mouth to fit the cock. Less like bobbing up and down, more like bowing in prayer, opening his throat to take in the sweet notes of music as they thrust into his mouth their eternal hymn of yes, yes, yes.

    Kageyama wrapped his lips around Hinata, taking him deep into his throat. Hinata gasped and groaned, bucking his hips gently upward, pushing deeper into Kageyama’s mouth. He filled Kageyama until he couldn’t breathe, and still there was more to take. Kageyama swallowed so his throat would constrict, growing tight, and Hinata cried out, bucking again, thrusting, thrusting. Kageyama withdrew, pulling off Hinata with a pop, then dove back in to kiss the light hairs of his crotch, the sensitive skin of his inner thighs. Hinata squirmed and moaned and fisted his hands in Kageyama’s hair, his body growing warm and flushed.

    Kageyama spat on Hinata’s dick, making it slick, and wrapped his fingers around it, stroking slowly along its entire length.

    “Ah, Tobio, shit.”

    Kageyama jerked harder, licking and kissing the head, his tongue playing with it.

    “Tobio…”

    He put his mouth back over Hinata’s cock, bobbing down on it as he jerked, swallowing him deep, deep, deep. It was warm inside his mouth. It was heavy.

    “Tobio—I—shit, I’m—”

    He groaned around the thickness in his throat, humming into Hinata’s body, telling him yes, telling him now.

    Hinata’s fingers pulled at Kageyama’s hair, pushed his head down on him further. He cried out, he moaned, he bucked and thrusted and trembled under Kageyama’s mouth.

    “Tobio, I’m gonna—I’m about—fuck.”

    He arched his back, curling up over Kageyama’s head. He grabbed Kageyama’s hair. Kageyama grunted, a flash of pain in the back of his head, a flash of pain in the front as Hinata jerked himself deeper into his throat, pushing in and in and in and down deep, deeper, so deep. He hit the back of Kageyama’s throat, surrounded by his warm, tight mouth, his swollen, drooling lips. He pushed, Kageyama went down, and together they met, the mouth a sheath, the cock so full and heavy. He leaked onto Kageyama’s tongue, and Kageyama tasted him, knew he was ready, knew the wave was coming. He felt Hinata start to pull out of his throat, but Kageyama grabbed his hips and pushed his mouth down further, making his message clear.

    In my mouth, Shoyou. Fill me with you.

    Hinata gasped above him. His fingers curled in Kageyama’s sweaty hair, pushed his face down, filled his cheeks and mouth and tongue and throat. Kageyama could taste nothing but Hinata, breathed nothing but his scent, felt nothing but his skin under his hands, heard nothing but the quick gasps. And then his body went rigid. Hinata’s abs clenched under Kageyama’s fingers. Kageyama swallowed, and swallowed again, and again, sucked, tightened his throat, opened his mouth as wide as possible, nearly gagging under the girth inside him.

    Then Hinata arched his back again, he pushed in, and he exploded in Kageyama’s mouth.

    Kageyama almost choked. It hit the back of his throat and stung his tongue a little, but he swallowed greedily, hungrily, drinking like it was nectar from an oasis. He licked Hinata clean, sucking him dry. Hinata collapsed, gasping, his chest heaving. Kageyama continued to kiss him, lick his dick clean, his crotch, his abs. He kept kissing him even when every drop was drained from the tip of Hinata’s swollen cock; Kageyama was insatiable, never full.

    He felt hands on the side of his face, and he looked up. Hinata gazed down at him, face sweaty, cheeks flushed, eyes hooded and tired. He smiled lazily, and he looked so beautiful Kageyama thought he might choke again. He smiled back, turned his face a little, pressed his lips to Hinata’s hand, kissed his palm, his fingers, felt Hinata caress his cheek, his jaw, warmth spreading between them, warmth blossoming inside him like fire, like sunlight.

    He helped Hinata drag his pants back over his legs, then wrapped himself around Hinata’s warm, little body, letting Hinata rest his head on his bicep, weaving his fingers through his bright hair, breathing in his scent, his warmth, his light.

   Hinata shifted and looked up at Kageyama. Kageyama looked down at him. He didn’t want to look at anything else for the rest of his life. Nothing could be more beautiful than this. The boy in his arms, the field of grass around them, their bare bodies open to the world. This was the only moment Kageyama saw, and it was enough. It only takes one moment, Tobio.

    “I love you,” Hinata said, leaning over to press his lips to Kageyama’s.

    Ah. It wasn’t enough. There was always more.

    Kageyama kissed Hinata’s neck, making him giggle. Look, even more. There was never enough. Kageyama would always want more of this. More of him. More of Hinata. He wanted the kissing. He wanted the world that existed outside them while they kissed. The things they said after kissing. The things they did before and during. The people they were, the people they would be. He wanted all of that. He wanted it so much, but he had no idea how to explain it to Hinata. Hinata, who could read his emotions better than a mirror. Hinata, who pretended to fight him all the time in a stupid judo class because he knew how self-conscious Kageyama was. Hinata, who knew Kageyama above all others. Hinata, Hinata, Hinata. There was no way to explain any of it. No way to say it without breaking.

    Kageyama said, “I love you too, Shoyou.”

    And Hinata smiled because he understood.

[fenvincible]

In too Deep Chapter 4

I wrote this for y’all instead of my research paper which is due in the AM. So.. I love you all and I pray you like it. 

This chapter is still SFW. This is dreadfully slowburn, I am so sorry sweeties. But I have started the NSFW and I know when it’s happening (not soon). The payoff will be worth it.  in the meantime have some Nick/Jude interaction. 

 Nick felt the entire situation was too surreal for words. Judy had left him upstairs, alone with the shrew who seemed to have few words but was more than willing to size Nick up. The fox suddenly felt unsure of his outfit, wondering if instead of “guy in need of a drink” it screamed “cop”. His inner monologue was cut short by a petite otter entering the room. The otter made a nervous beeline for the Boss, Mr. Big, and frantically whispered in his ear. Nick’s hearing, like every predatory animal, is slightly above average but the deep voices of the conversion polar bears and the band warming up downstairs provided just enough back ground noise that he couldn’t understand the otter’s words. He did understand the deepening scowl on Big’s face.

               “… drug.” Was the last word Nick was able to make out before the shrew began speaking quickly and fiercely back to the otter. Within moments the otter was scampering out of the room, Nick unsure of what fire Big lit under his ass.

                 “Nicky, can I call you Nicky? Nicky, you’re an honest mammal, right? I can count on you; you look like an honest mammal.” Big said, twirling a microscopic gold ring around a just as small finger.

                 Nick was about to answer when Judy stepped onto the stage, a collective hush covered the crowd. The foxes mind went blank as he took it all in. From the room, upstairs he has a perfect view of the entire bar, he could see Weasleton dishing out drinks, patrons walking around and Judy. The stage was centered perfectly so the upstairs room got the best view of performances.

                 And what a view they were getting now. Judy had changed between now and when she left the fox upstairs. She now wore tight black jeans, that clung to her in all the right areas and emphasized her assets. In a decision that made Nick’s fur rise she was showing her midriff and wearing only a green bustier that brought out the purple in her eyes. Barepawed the bunny looked irresistible, Nick wanted to devour her.

                 With a knowing look around and a sly smile Judy grabbed the microphone, walked to the edge of the stage and sat down.

                 “Y’all know I love ya, right?” Judy began her voice flirtatious and full of promise. She waited a moment for the crowd to nod. A few mammals cheered, or shouted their praise for the bunny before she continued.

                 “Good, I just wanted to make sure. I have something special for you tonight. It’s a song that I have never performed here before. It’s a song that means a lot to me. Would that be alright with y’all?” More cheers, and praise were heard as Nick watched several glasses go up in salute. Nick found himself thinking about charismatic Judy is, how she knows to work a crowd.

                 When I was just a small kit

               Daddy whispered in my ear

               He said, baby you’re a lady and don’t ever act a fool

               Baby you’re a lady don’t let those men make you a fool

                 Nick watched as mammal after mammal shifted forward in their seat, leaning into the sound of Judy’s voice, eyes captivated by the slow dance she made across the stage as she sang. The lyrics danced in and out of Nick’s ears.

                 But daddy didn’t count on his little girl falling in love

               Daddy didn’t count on a young man sweeping through town

               he tore through the streets breaking everything in sight

               I couldn’t help myself try as I might

                 Judy’s body moved effortlessly. She dipped and twirled, dancing with an invisible partner. Unlike the last performance Nick had seen this one felt intimate, a lot less like a teasing lap dance and a lot more like a waltz. Judy’s voice wavered a moment before beginning the next lines:

               Swept up in a courtship that burned like fire

               I thought I could tame the flame

               Instead I was burned

               Instead I was consumed

                 Judy stopped dancing, she settled in the middle of the stage. A soft, almost tangible silence covered the audience. The silence continued for one beat, two beats. Suddenly, in a swift action that startled the mammals in the bar Judy fell to her knees.

                 That young man left ashes in his wake

               he trailed destruction as he moved

               I didn’t follow daddy’s rules

               I let him make me a fool.

                 For a moment, the entire bar was plunged into a deep darkness. The lights returned before Nick could question it. The stage was empty and nobody moved for a moment as Judy’s strange, emotional performance sank in.

                 “That girl,” Big started “that girl can really perform. I lucked into her you know? Beautiful girl like that unable to find a job. I couldn’t believe it.”

                 “She is… something else.” Nick thought, pensively. Judy’s performance had left him covered in goosebumps and a cold sweat.

                 “What are you really doing here Nicky? And don’t try to feed me some lie.” The shrew gave Nick a long side glance as he accepted a drink from a passing polar bear.

                 “I’m- looking for something.” Nick replied after a moment knowing he couldn’t tell the whole truth but not wanting to lie. He’s not a great liar, but he is a good hustler when he needs to be. “I’m looking for something exciting and fun. I am looking for something primal.”

                 If Nick was about to learn something important, make a break in his case, the information was stolen as the otter from before entered the room again. A look of concern, maybe fear, lacing the features of his face. As he approached Big the nervous mammal removed his glasses, clumsily cleaned them with his shirt and placed them back on his face. Nick watched as the otter whispered to Big in that hurried, anxious fashion he has used earlier. As the otter spoke a range of emotions crossed the shrews face, with a snap of his fingers Big summoned two large bears.

                 “I’m sorry Nicky.” Big stated “business is calling me away. I do hope to see you again though. You seem- interesting.” The way Big spoke made Nick slightly nervous as he gave a small wave to the shrew as he departed.

                 Lucky for Nick, Judy was entering as Big left. The bunny had changed again, she was now wearing light blue jeans, and a black top with a little pink jacket thrown over it. Nick found himself wondering if the bunny owned any cloths that didn’t make his pants feel one size too small.

                 “You hungry sly?” Judy asks, her voice still lyrical though not the same seductive, lusty sound it had been earlier.

                 “I-“ the refusal stopped short on Nicks’ snout. Yeah, he needed to debrief Clawhauser and he should start typing his weekly report for Bogo so it looked like he at least valued his job. There were honest reasons he needed to leave but he just didn’t want to. He wanted to stay and talk to this purple eyed bunny that set his world slightly askew in ways he didn’t yet understand, so he did. “Yeah, I’m hungry.”

                 “Follow me, I know a spot.” Judy said with a smile.

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                 The place Judy was referring too was a small mom and pop diner about two blocks down from the club. Nick had walked by it before on his way to the bar. It was unassuming in that normal diner way. A long countertop with aging barstools, an atrocious shade of red, ran about the length of the building. Booths and tables, all the same red shade, were almost haphazardly thrown around the rest of the space. A jukebox sat at the back of the shop by the restrooms, a popular song playing in the background.

                 “This is the best place to get a veggieburger. They also serve ‘meat’ options if you want anything.” Judy said, sliding into a well-worn booth. Nick slid into the seat across from her.

                 Nick was trying to find the best way to question the bunny and see what she might know without giving her a reason to suspect he had been less than honest with her. He was still thinking it over when the waitress came over to them. A young racoon, Cynthia, took their orders in-between loudly popping large bubbles with the gum she was chewing.

                 “So-“

 “Please don’t ask me anything about work.” Judy interrupted, holding up a paw. “I just want to pretend I don’t sing at a bar and that maybe we’re friends?”

                 Nick was stunned for a moment before offering a nod. The waitress, Cynthia, chose this moment to bring them their drinks. A carrot cake milkshake for Judy and a blueberry milkshake for Nick.

                 “Okay, so nothing work related. What would you like to talk about then?” Nick asks, watching Judy’s eyes close in something close to ecstasy as she takes the first sip of her drink.

                 “I’m- not actually sure. Things are easier at the club when I’m this whole different bunny. Amethyst knows what to say and when to say it. I’m just Judy.”

                 “I think just Judy is okay. What does Judy like?” Nick offers Judy a small smile, trying to coax her out of her shell more. He wants, needs, to know more about the bunny that so confidently asked him to dinner before becoming something entirely different.

                 “Books, I like to read. I enjoy studying, ya know?” Judy distractedly plays with her straw as she looks at a spot on the wall behind Nick’s head. “What about you slick?”

                 “Books? Yes, I do enjoy a good book occasionally. I like the books cowritten by that Savage guy. The bunny that does all the secret agent stuff. I know they’re still fictional but it’s so fun to think about.” Nick wasn’t lying either. Some nights when training got hard and he was beaten down by the stereotypes surrounding foxes he would lose himself in a Savage novel and remember why he had wanted to be a cop. “Studying is much worse for me, I think. I hate being forced to read and understand something. I want to read because I enjoy it.”

                 “You read Savage?” Judy said with a laugh. “Those books are so full of baloney! He always beats the bad guy and beds the poor bunny who won’t hear from him the next day. The guy is an absolute jerk.”

                 “But you read the books, don’t you?” Nick asked with a smirk.

                 There was a small break in the conversation as Cynthia brought their food to the table. A veggieburger with fries for Judy and crepes with blueberries for Nick. They begin eating in silence for a moment before Nick adds:

                 “I like volunteering. I, uh- I host a Junior Ranger Scouts troop on the weekend. It’s one that is made only of predators. It was hard to get approved at first but, I think it’s good for the kids you know? We get together twice a month with other troops and it’s been good for the pred/prey relations.” Nick pushed a blueberry around his plate as he spoke. The troop had been hard to get approved, but the year and a half of struggling for the right to make his troop was worth it when they all got together. It made for a more positive experience than Nick’s had been. He repressed a shudder as he recalled the cold bite of a leather muzzle around his snout.

                 “Really?” Judy looked to Nick. “That is the most amazing thing I have heard all day, maybe all year.”

 Another moment passed between the two mammals before Judy spoke up, her voice a whisper.

                 “I don’t even know your name. I say we should talk like friends and leave work behind and I’ve been referring to you as sly for the last hour.”

                 “Piberius Wilde. I usually just go by Wilde though. It’s easier than Piberius, it also sounds nicer.” Though guilt laced through Nick’s body he extended a paw across the table to Judy who hesitated only a moment before placing her own in it.

                 “Judy. Well, Judith. Judith Laverne Hopps.” She smiles, it’s a bright true smile and Nick finds that he sincerely likes it.

                 “Well, Judy, it’s nice to finally make your acquaintance.” Nick smiles at her as he gets back to work on his crepes.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

                 Dinner ended quickly, almost too quickly for Nick. The conversation had started to flow more freely and openly. They even stayed for dessert and coffee. Still, the diner was closing and it was getting late. A desk full of work was beckoning to Nick and it was getting harder and harder to ignore his responsibilities.

                 Unable to call it a night just yet Nick offered to walk Judy home.

                 “It’s the least I can do.” The red fox states as they neared Judy’s apartment building.

                 “Still- I just.. thank you.” Judy said as she walked up the steps to her building. “this was nice of you. You would think that I make a lot of friends singing at a kind of popular night club but. I don’t. This, dinner and conversation, meant a lot to me. So, thank you.”

                 With a small smile and a half wave Judy turned and entered her building. Nick stood on the sidewalk a few extra moments, watching her go. The night air was crisp and warm feeling more like summer than spring. As the door latched and silence settled over the street Nick turned from the building with a smile on his face.

                 This case wasn’t nearly as bad as he had thought it would be.