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bengiyo · 1 month ago

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Ben's Big BL Blurb 3: Blue Canvas of Youthful Days Blew It, But I Still Recommend It

I finished Blue Canvas of Youthful Days today, and I don’t like where we left off with this show. Let’s get into that, and then check in on some of the other shows I’m watching.

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days Didn’t Give the Audience Catharsis

I don’t begrudge the show going for a happy ending, given how so many other BLs from their home country end with sudden traumatic turns. However, I don’t feel like we got catharsis from the ending at all. I struggle to full articulate my frustration here, but I think I just really wanted an ending akin to Weekend (2011) or Gameboys 2 (2022).

I think these two were in a position where they were unable to be together now, and I think they should have ended on a separation. When Cairo and Gav had to separate at the end of Gameboys, it was the correct choice. They were still building their lives, and Gav wasn’t doing well on his on. Similarly, Blue Canvas established a scenario whereby Qi Lu did not have the power to stop his father from harming Qin Xiao. Likewise, Qin Xiao couldn’t keep the local gang from beating Qi Lu.

I would have preferred they have the boys confront that they were hiding things from each other, and how they both failed to protect each other from the horrors. I am disappointed that we didn’t get a poignant goodbye from them as they accept that they can’t be together right now. I wouldn’t have minded so much a blurb at the end of the show with the pitch for a season 2 that they didn’t get to film (though @thisonelikesaliens commentary makes even what they wrote dour). We didn’t confront the issue with the dad at all, and we didn’t deal with Qin Xiao losing all he’d worked for.

Genuinely, I would have been okay with them getting a tag at the end of the show with them seeing each other on the street again and sharing a meaningful look. However, we never saw them face the music of their double noble idiocy, and that sucks. It especially sucks because we had Let Free The Curse of Taekwondo this year, and so we saw the consequences of this. We could have had these two railing against the world and promising to see each other again. The tag at the end of the reuse of the fantasy sequence feels tacked on and unearned. That kinda sucks more.

Final Verdict: 8, Recommended With Reservations. I really liked most of this show, and I think they wrote some phenomenal characters until the finale here. Like @lurkingshan I ended up not pleased with this ending. I am disappointed in the lack of resolution about the withholding, and I think they needed to face the separation and goodbye. However, I really liked the cast, and I respect the team that worked so hard to get this to us.

On to the rest of the show, presented in no particular order…starting with the worst. I’ll put in parentheses what episode number I’m on as of this post.

Haunted Hearts is Boring (5/7)

Magic, mah friend! Your show is boring. I do not know why these boys won’t kiss, and at this point I feel like I don’t care anymore. They’re introducing yet another ghost next week and I just am so disinvested. I try so hard every time to support Oxin Films and Regal Entertainment, but they make it so fucking hard. Holy shit. There’s only so far the boys being cute can carry a thin concept like this.

City of Stars is Better Than I Expected (2/12)

I am catching up on this show. The acting isn’t great, but I’m really enjoying a lot of what’s happening here. I will report back when I finish.

See Your Love is Fun But Kinda Weird (7/13)

The visuals are great in this show, and the leads are filling in the aesthetic gap left behind by Jimmy and Tommy in a way that really works for me. There’s been way too many pratfalls in the last two episodes. We are at 1.5 pratfalls per episode at this point. The side couple is absolutely ridiculous. I’m having fun.

Caged Again is Becoming a Favorite (4/10)

Junior is the best protagonist of the year. I’m obsessed with this penguin boy. I love the way this show uses its supernatural elements to drive its storytelling forward, even if I think the plot got a little silly in episode 4. The friend group dynamics are so fun, and I haven’t enjoyed a group of Thai boys this much since Knock Knock, Boys! (no surprise, two of them are in this show, too).

Your Sky is a Weekly Delight (3/12)

The 2gether rewrite show is great, and I will be reading no commentary to the contrary. These boys are so great, and they are one of the best couples of the year. This show is doing fake dating in a way that’s just so excellent, because it’s real dating! The boys are genuinely trying to get know each other so they can pretend to be a better fake couple. This is so close to being excellent meta commentary about dating in the digital age, and how so much of dating for the current generation is about how others perceive the validity of your relationship. It’s actually so fun to watch a show where the characters are doing all the things you’re supposed to do when you’re trying to build something with someone, but one of them doesn’t fully understand what they’ve gotten into. This show is great, and I love it.

Love in the Air: Koi no Yokan is so Slick (5/10)

If there’s one thing a Japanese drama is going to get right it’s trauma! This show delivered on Kai’s horrors in a way that was so visceral that I needed to pause and catch a breath. I remain obsessed with the casting of Nagatsuma Reo as Kai, because he’s taller than Suzuki Asahi sometimes. I really love that they didn’t give us the BL height difference trope, and I like that they didn’t style Kai in a way to make him look more feminine. There’s a egalitarian physical balance between Fuma and Kai that I find extremely refreshing, considering the massive class, wealth, and suffering gap between the two characters. It’s no surprise that we’ve had a dearth of gifs of their sex scene, considering it doesn’t play to the kind of asymmetric aesthetics that folks seem enjoy in their pairings.

As always, the Rei and Kai friendship remains one of the best parts of this story, and I like the way this version of Sky talks to this version of Rain about the queer stuff. He feels like he’s being careful with his friend, and not just ghosting him on important conversations about his friend’s sexual awakening (one of my major gripes with the original Thai adaptation).

Our Youth is Taking Over My Brain (4/11)

I have not moved on from the “Infect me” line, and I am still obsessed with the plausible deniability of the “no homo” that Hirukawa relies upon as he continues to pursue Minase. Now that Minase has reached his breaking point, I’m so looking forward to seeing where we go next. We’re due for a major separation, and I’m ready for a Japanese BL to not fuck up a second chance romance attempt this time. Perhaps adapting Korean work could the solution?

Spare Me Your Mercy is a Welcome Return to the Sammon Feeling I Enjoy (1/10)

I just really love when Sammon shows feel like the mystery matters more than the romance, and this feels like it’s in the correct space. I loved the initial setup, and the potential for there to be multiple murderers. I really hope that they start killing younger people in this show, because they said there were only 40 palliative care patients, and we downed three of them in the first episode. I’m so happy to see JJ again, and Tor looks great. I am looking forward to the weekly watch and theorizing with this show. Most importantly, I’m looking forward to the complex meditation on euthanasia, which this story feels like it’s taking seriously.

Love is Like a Poison Finally has Given Us a BL Battle Couple Again (11/12)

We haven’t had a BL battle couple in what feels like forever. I love that this show continues to reward us for believing in Haruto and Shiba. Haruto’s dad is the absolute worst, and I really want him to lose. I love Shiba, and I love that the show continues to give him some of the visual tropes of a legal drama (like the pan up near the end). I’m in love with this show, and it’s going to be one of my favorites of the year, I’m sure.

Fragrance You Inherit Hurts Me Because Everyone is Doing The Right Thing (4/8)

This show is actually so painful sometimes, because no one is doing anything wrong. Everyone is being as emotionally honest as they can be with everyone they speak to about all of the things that are going on. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Sakura choosing to let go of her lingering crush on Mone now that they’re both moms and their kids are dating. Besides, we presume that Mone is still married! The conversation with On-chan makes me think that Mone misunderstood the relationship Sakura had with him in college (My man is ace but not aro! We love to see it).

I just really love that everyone is trying to do right by everyone around them, and I think all of the things that remain unspoken in this show have been withheld for completely valid reasons. There are no villains in this story, and that makes it even harder to watch really kind people treat each other politely in every scene. I’m just feeling a quiet scream in me the entire time I watch a good son by a thoughtful gift for his loving mother with the help of his supportive and lovely girlfriend, as he prepares a surprise from the old friend who clearly still cares about her friend and the unrequited/unexpressed feelings between them. This show is incredible. Go watch it right now. Thank you again to @isaksbestpillow.

Conclusion

That’s more shows than I’ve been watching in a while. It’s nice to have some Thai shows back in my rotation that I’m actually enjoying. I really want the Chinese to now fuck up their endings, but it seems like 2024 will not be that year. I’ll try to check in with the end of Love is Like a Poison when the Netflix release schedule completes so folks can binge it then. In the mean time, let me know what you’re enjoying, and what else I should consider picking up.

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queenoftheimps · 3 months ago

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Artistic Expression as a Form of Love: aka Some Meta About Interview with the Vampire

hey guess who spent all of today putting off a really boring work task

So I'm just suddenly just having a lot of feelings about how love is tied to creation in Interview with the Vampire.

Specifically, each character's artistic impulses and what they say about their relationships, and how they use their creative output as a sort of love language.

From the very first episode, we see hints of this. Miss Lilly asks about Lestat's music box, which plays a song he wrote for Nicholas once upon a time, evidence of his love for someone who's been dead for over a century.

He later writes his own song for Louis, 'Come to Me', and Claudia makes the connection explicit while deliberately poking at him -- he wrote a song for each of his true loves, but does one signal love more strongly than the other?

She's being facetious to prod at him, but the show seems to genuinely make the point that we can track each characters' relationships through the art we see them create.

After all, we see it with Claudia herself later -- even before there's any discussion of becoming companions, we can feel Madeleine's compatibility with Claudia in the way she makes dresses for her.

Madeleine dresses Claudia as the grown woman she wants to be seen as, as she really is, even before she fully understands the circumstances of Claudia's age. It's telling that in Madeleine's dying vision, the one that convinces Louis of her love for Claudia, that Claudia is wearing a dress that Madeleine made for her.

By contrast, we see how Claudia is incompatible with the coven in the role that they have quite literally written for her. If Madeleine shows her love by treating Claudia as an adult, the coven shows their lack of caring by creating artwork where Claudia is forced into playing a part that diminishes her.

In turn, we can see Claudia's enthusiasm for the coven tied into her willingness to perform -- she starts off trying to smile her way through the situation, before quickly growing tired of the performance (and, relatedly, the coven itself).

But then again, how does the coven show its real loyalties? Well, with a painting.

We don't know who painted Lestat (Armand, possibly?), but having artwork of him in a place of prominence is pretty telling. But then again, the theater's creation is itself a reflection of art as a signifier of love & bonding -- Lestat suggests a theater to a lonely Armand as a way to regain a family/coven structure, after the last one fell apart.

Which makes particular sense for Armand, the character who most explicitly equates artistic expression with love and understanding. We see him underline it in his own telling of his backstory -- "No one has painted me in over 400 years." He associates painting with being seen and cared for by his maker --

-- and yet we, the audience, can plainly see what a warped, toxic relationship it was from the painting itself : a whitewashed version of Armand's face that doesn't truly look like him.

Hell, we even see Armand's betrayal of Louis in the form of creative expression -- to quote Daniel, "He directed the play!"

His treason isn't just that he sold Louis & Claudia out, it's that he participated in a creation that would condemn them. Artistic expression shows us love and loyalty in this world, yes, but it can also be used as a tool of abuse or betrayal.

Which brings us to Louis, he who has the eye for art but maybe not the skill for it, who never said 'I love you' to Lestat and wouldn't call Armand his companion, who ultimately gives up on creation in favor of becoming a collector.

It's especially interesting that his abandonment of photography is also explicitly tied to the end of his visions of Dreamstat. Even the one photo he takes that garners praise is one he tries taking of Armand & Dreamstat at the same time -- as if the closest he can get to expressing love through creation is something that blurs the lines between both men he has complicated feelings for. (Note that the scene where he develops the photo is directly after the "Show me the only way you know how to love" sequence of Louis bashing some guy's head into a wall.)

Hell, if we want to take it even further, we can even see some of this pretense in the inclusion of the Fred Stein photos (assuming Armand actually did sneak them in). On one level, we can see it as Armand trying to build up Louis' happiness, but on the other, it's him trying to build up the image of their romance.

After all, if artistic creation is a sign of love -- especially to Armand! -- what does it mean if Louis is openly disparaging his own abilities to make anything at all?

Taking it further, what does it say that he and Armand have a collection of photos of various boys over the years and expensive artwork hanging on every wall, but Louis doesn't seem to have taken any pictures of Armand in almost eighty years?

And hey, speaking of fascinating boys: what does it mean when Louis hasn't made anything creative of Armand since the 1940s, but he has no problem writing a book for ten hours with some guy he picked up at the bar?

Hell, writing a book where Louis spends ten hours talking about his life and hasn't even gotten up to the part with Armand yet? The supposed love of his life doesn't even garner a mention, to the point where Daniel didn't even know he existed when he arrives fifty years later.

And what does it mean when that book you never wrote is a giant hanging thread in your life, enough to create a connection strong enough that you remember that guy fifty years later and go back to that writing it? Even over the objections of the love of your life?

Especially when find out that Daniel's entire writing career is sparked in part by inspirational words given to him by Louis -- a sign of their bond withstanding the test of time, enough to make them friends after a fifty year absence.

That said, if we're working with the idea of artistic expression as proof of connection -- especially when it comes to Armand -- then it also makes perfect sense why Armand would insert himself into the interview once he's been revealed.

Then it's no longer about Louis & Daniel, or Louis & Lestat, it's about Louis & Armand and artistic proof of their connection! They're both now creating a story, a book that will include their entire romance! It's the first time that Armand has had the possibility of being an artistic subject in decades, so no wonder he's quick to latch onto it.

Even then, though: I think it's interesting that when Armand is talking to Daniel alone, the first story he thinks to tell him about is his relationship with Lestat. Make of that what you will.

(Also, I've said this before, but I am very curious what Armand's feelings towards Daniel will be after having an entire book written in which he plays a starring role.)

I think that this is all very rich with subtext and possible further progression, especially since we are about to enter a season where a new book is being written by Daniel and there's going to be an entire tour's worth of music being performed, all of it ripe with potential for further relationship nuance.

And while I don't want to wander too far into book spoiler territory, I think this might even neatly factor into a potential Season 4 -- especially since book fans will know that a specific musical performance is the catalyst for a lot of what happens in The Queen of the Damned.

#interview with the vampire #iwtv #loustat #claudeleine #lesmand #armandaniel #devil's minion #lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #claudia de lioncourt #claudia de pointe du lac #madeleine eparvier #daniel molloy #i wrote this when i was supposed to be filling in a spreadsheet

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yaniluvs · 1 month ago

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𑁍ࠬܓ (현진, 용복) : YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL ── he loves her, but he's nothing but a shadow to her. maybe he isn't just meant for her. maybe, there's someone else waiting for him.

𓍯 hyunjin, felix ʚଓ fem!reader ：（ 𝒾 ） 8.1k ── ༯ ONESHOT, uni au, unrequited love, slice of life, comfort if you swuint, sappy, angst, melancholic, mentioned chan, crying, bl, happy ending, first half in hyunjin's pov. fluff. ⸝⸝𓂃 LiBRARY . /ᐠ.ꞈ.ᐟ\ྀིྀི

yani's note ˖˙ ᰋ i'm finally over a hundred followers. seriously, i can't even believe it; thank you so much to each and every reader of mine, really, i'm glad to have finally shared my writings with others who may seek of it. i hope you guys enjoy reading these as much as i love writing them! alright, i think i've ghosted tumblr enough, here's something as a filler to make up for it! + i really liked how this turned out. lmk if u want me to write more stuff like this! reqs are open!

she was beautiful. as beautiful as the first light of dawn stretching across a quiet sky, painting it in soft shades of blush and gold. as beautiful as the sound of rain on a tin roof, a rhythm of nature that lulls even the most restless soul to peace.

she carried a beauty that was more than skin deep—deeper than the surface of her smile or the gleam in her eyes. it was in the way she moved, the way her presence filled the air, like the first notes of a familiar melody.

she was beautiful, like the steady hum of the earth beneath bare feet, grounding and gentle, yet full of quiet power. like the way a flower opens itself to the sun, unashamed, vulnerable, reaching toward something greater. her beauty wasn’t loud or boastful; it whispered, it lingered.

she was as beautiful as the silence after a storm—still, yet trembling with the memory of chaos. as beautiful as a secret only the stars know, a story written in the folds of the universe, unseen but felt. she carried galaxies in her eyes, constellations formed of hopes, dreams, and unspoken fears.

there was beauty in her strength, the kind that didn’t demand attention but radiated from her being like the warm embrace of the sun. she was as beautiful as the moments when time seems to pause—when the world holds its breath, watching her, captivated.

and yet, her beauty was also in her fragility. she was a glass heart, reflecting the world in shards of light, even as cracks ran deep. she was as beautiful as a bird learning to fly, uncertain and trembling, yet full of endless potential.

she was beautiful in her laughter, like bells ringing in a faraway chapel, calling out to anyone who could hear. she was beautiful in her sadness, like the ocean at twilight, depths unfathomable but so achingly serene.

her beauty was in the stories she told, the love she gave, and the dreams she dared to chase. it was in the way she looked at life, even when it hurt, with eyes that sought wonder and hands that still reached for the stars.

she was beautiful, like the way the moon kisses the ocean, constant yet fleeting, a reflection of something greater. and though the tides of life pulled her away, though time threatened to erode the memory of her presence, she remained beautiful.

beautiful in the way she lingered, like the scent of lavender on a breeze, like the trace of music in the air after the last note is played.

beautiful, as if the world had poured all its grace, its pain, its joy into her being and asked her to carry it. she did, and she was radiant.

and that’s how i thought of her.

while to her, i was just an acquaintance, a project partner, a shadow.. someone who wrote stupid poems about her, some artist, that she didn't know, painted her all the time.

another face in a sea of people who passed her by without a second thought.

but her? she was my muse. she was— is my.. everything.

even when she didn’t realize it.

even when she thought nobody was watching her, locked in the music room, tears glistening from her eyes and cheeks as she quietly sobbed. her hands, so steady and graceful when she played the piano, trembled as she cradled her face. her shoulders shook under the weight of something invisible yet suffocating. i wasn’t supposed to be there. i wasn’t supposed to see her like that. but i did, and i couldn’t look away.

the girl who wore her smile like armor was falling apart in the silence of that room, and i felt like i was intruding on a sacred moment. her tears fell, one after the other, as if her sorrow was endless, as if she had been holding it all in for too long. and even in that moment—especially in that moment—she was still the most beautiful thing i’d ever seen.

her beauty wasn’t diminished by her pain; it was amplified by it. it was raw, unfiltered, as if her soul had broken through the surface to show the world that she was human, that she wasn’t untouchable, that she was hurting. and all i wanted to do was gather those pieces of her, the ones she thought were too shattered to be whole again, and hold them in my hands like they were precious.

i watched as her fingers traced the keys of the piano, not to play but to ground herself. her breathing was uneven, her chest rising and falling in stutters as she fought to compose herself. she didn’t know anyone was there. she didn’t know i had come back for my forgotten glove, only to find her, the girl i’d quietly loved, unraveling before my eyes.

and maybe that’s why i couldn’t bring myself to leave. because she didn’t let anyone see her like this. because she always carried herself with this unspoken grace, this quiet strength, like she didn’t want to burden anyone with the weight of her sadness. but here she was, alone, crumbling, and i felt it like a punch to the gut.

i wanted to say something. anything. but the words stuck in my throat, heavy and inadequate. what could i possibly say that would make her pain less sharp, her tears less bitter? so, i just stood there, a coward in the doorway, watching her world fall apart.

when she finally lifted her head, i saw it—the way her eyes, swollen and red, carried the kind of sorrow that only comes from loving and losing, from dreaming and breaking. her lips parted slightly as if she wanted to speak, but no sound came. she just sat there, staring at the blank sheet music in front of her, like it held all the answers she couldn’t find.

and in that moment, i realized something. she didn’t need someone to fix her. she didn’t need someone to tell her everything would be okay. she just needed someone to see her. to really see her, without judgment or pity, without expectations. to understand that even in her brokenness, she was whole.

so, i stayed. not close enough for her to notice me, but close enough that, if she looked up, she wouldn’t feel alone. i leaned against the doorframe, my heart aching with every breath she took, and i stayed.

because even if she never saw me, even if she never knew how much i cared, i wanted her to feel something—anything other than the emptiness i saw in her eyes.

and maybe that wasn’t enough. maybe i was just a boy with a glove in his hand and feelings he didn’t know how to articulate. but it was all i had to give. and for her, i would have given everything.

and then, the next time i saw her was at the indoor court, where our basketball team was practicing under the golden embrace of the muted rays of the late afternoon sun that shone through the big window.

she was there, sitting on the bleachers with two of her usual friends, her laughter bright and carefree, cutting through the humid air like a song.

she cheered for us as if nothing had happened, her hands clapping with an enthusiasm that drew glances and smiles from the other players.

but i noticed what no one else did. i noticed the faint redness around her eyes, the subtle swell of her lids—the remnants of a storm she had weathered alone.

still, she smiled, wide and radiant, as if to say, i’m fine, don’t look too closely.

well, it wasn’t rare for me to see her here, after all, it was him who she was here for in the first place.

him.

he stood a few feet away from me on the pitcher’s mound, his confidence exuding from every movement. he was tall, with broad shoulders and a grin that seemed to light up the field. his uniform fit him perfectly, like he was made for it. the way he carried himself was effortless, like he had the world in the palm of his hand—and maybe he did.

i watched as he caught her gaze and, with a mischievous smirk, sent a small kiss flying her way. she caught it with an exaggerated motion, her cheeks blooming with a blush that even the sun couldn’t outshine. her friends giggled and nudged her, whispering things i didn’t need to hear to understand.

he was all that a girl could ask for.

he had the charm that turned heads wherever he went, the kind that made people want to be close to him just to share in his glow. he was quick-witted, always ready with a joke that left everyone in stitches. he was the kind of guy who made you feel like the most important person in the room when he looked at you, even if you weren’t.

and on the court, he was a force to be reckoned with. his hoops and dribbles were sharp, fast, and clean—so perfect it was almost infuriating. he didn’t just play basketball; he embodied it, like the game was an extension of him.

the team loved him. we loved him. the crowd adored him. and she… she looked at him like he was the sun, like she could orbit around him forever and never tire of the warmth.

and me? i was just the captain of the team, the one calling the shots, shouting instructions, holding it all together. but i wasn’t the one she was watching. i wasn’t the one making her laugh, the one who made her cheeks flush that particular shade of pink.

it was him.

i hated how much i admired him. how could i not? he was everything i wasn’t. where i was quiet, he was bold. where i hesitated, he dove in headfirst. where i stood in the shadows, he basked in the spotlight with ease.

and maybe, just maybe, i hated how happy he made her.

because when he sent her that kiss, when she caught it with a grin so wide it looked like it could split the sky, i realized that i couldn’t give her that. not the way he did. not with that ease, that confidence, that undeniable presence that turned her sadness into laughter in an instant.

so i watched from the sidelines, pretending i didn’t see the way she lit up for him. pretending i didn’t care that she was cheering for someone else, that her heart was somewhere i could never reach.

but the truth was, it tore me apart.

because i knew what no one else did—that she cried alone in music rooms, that her laughter was sometimes a mask, that her beauty wasn’t just in her smiles but in her pain, her strength, her vulnerability.

and i knew, deep down, that he didn’t see her the way i did.

he saw her as the girl in the stands, the one who cheered him on, who caught his kisses with a laugh. but i saw her as the girl who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders and still found a way to dance beneath it.

but as someone close to him, i knew he loved her. even if he couldn't process it as much, but he really did.

and yet, despite everything, i couldn’t hate him. not really.

because he made her happy. and wasn’t that what i wanted, too?

still, as the ball dribbled under his hands, the perfect angle passing square through the basket hoop, and the crowd erupted in cheers, i couldn’t help but wonder:

what if she turned her gaze my way, just once? would she see me standing there, waiting for her? or would she still only see him?

well, that's what he was, he was just.. him.

christopher bang. or rather, chris.

her boyfriend.

my… best friend.

the words sat heavy in my chest, suffocating and sharp, like shards of glass i couldn’t swallow. chris, the guy who had been by my side through countless games, late-night talks, and stupid jokes only we found funny. chris, who knew my secrets, my struggles, my dreams. chris, who had always been my biggest supporter on and off the court.

chris, who had her.

he was the kind of person who didn’t need to try to make people love him—they just did. with his easy laugh and soft-spoken wisdom, he had a way of making everyone feel seen, understood. he wasn’t just the team’s star player; he was the glue that held us together, the one who reminded us that we weren’t just players but brothers.

and he was hers.

i should’ve been happy for them. i told myself that over and over. be happy for them, hyunjin. he’s your best friend. she deserves someone like him. someone better than you.

but no matter how many times i said it, the ache in my chest didn’t go away. it gnawed at me, relentless and cruel, every time i saw the way she looked at him. like he was her whole world.

and chris? he looked at her the same way.

i saw it in the way his eyes softened when she was around, in the way his grin widened just a little more when she laughed. he adored her, protected her, loved her with an openness i couldn’t even bring myself to admit i wanted.

i hated him for that.

and i hated myself more for hating him.

because chris didn’t know. how could he?

i had never told him about the way my heart raced every time she walked into a room, the way i memorized the sound of her laugh, the way my hands itched to brush the stray strands of hair from her face.

i never told him about the nights i stayed up replaying every conversation i had with her, wondering if i’d said enough or too much. i never told him how i couldn’t breathe when she smiled at me, even if it was just in passing.

i never told him because it didn’t matter.

she was his. and i? i was just the captain of the team, his best friend, the one who should’ve been cheering them on from the sidelines.

instead, i was standing here, on the court we both loved, pretending that every stolen glance at her didn’t feel like a betrayal. pretending that i wasn’t breaking a little more each time she caught his flying kisses and smiled at him like he was the only thing that mattered.

because he was the only thing that mattered to her.

and i was just the shadow.

i tried to ignore the way my gaze lingered on her as she sat on the bleachers, her laughter carrying over the cheers and the sound of the dribbles. i tried to ignore the way her smile faltered for just a second when she thought no one was looking, the way her fingers fiddled with the hem of her shirt like she was trying to hold herself together.

i tried to ignore it all. but it was impossible.

because i saw her. i always saw her. and i couldn’t unsee her, no matter how much it hurt.

but chris was my best friend. and she was his.

so i clenched my jaw, gripped the baseball tighter in my hand, and forced myself to look away.

because if there was one thing i knew for certain, it was this:

i would rather break my own heart a thousand times over than let either of them know how much i was breaking inside.

and soon enough, practice had ended, and the sound of sneakers squeaking on the polished wood faded into the hum of low conversations and the occasional thud of a stray basketball.

i wiped the sweat from my face with the hem of my jersey, my throat dry despite the water i’d just gulped down. my chest heaved as i caught my breath, leaning against the wall near the bleachers. my teammates had already started to disperse, their laughter echoing as they shoved each other toward the locker room.

but i stayed back, as i always did.

because she was still here.

she stood at the far end of the bleachers, laughing with him, who had his arm slung casually around her shoulders. her eyes sparkled in the dim light, her laughter ringing out like a melody that didn’t belong in this sweaty, chaotic gym. she was radiant, even in the simplest way she carried herself—like she belonged to a world far gentler than this one.

chris leaned closer to her, whispering something that made her tilt her head back and laugh louder. he smiled at her, that easy, confident smile of his, the one that said he didn’t have a single doubt in his mind that she was his. and why would he? he had everything—a charm that drew people in without effort, a talent that made him the pride of the team, and her.

i clenched the water bottle in my hand, the plastic crinkling under the pressure. i told myself i should look away, that i had no right to watch her like this, but my feet stayed rooted, and my gaze lingered.

i didn’t even notice the footsteps approaching until a voice, bright and effervescent, cut through my thoughts.

"hey! hyunjin, right?"

startled, i turned to see a blonde guy standing a few feet away, his hands tucked casually into the pockets of his sweatpants. his hair was an impossible shade of gold, soft and messy, like sunlight had woven itself into every strand. his face was alight with a grin so wide it could’ve lit up the entire gym, and freckles danced across his nose and cheeks like constellations on a canvas.

"uh… yeah," i managed to mumble, taken aback.

he tilted his head slightly, his smile never wavering. "i’m felix. we share a couple of classes, i think? history and, uh… literature? or something like that."

i nodded slowly, vaguely recalling his face in the back row, but we’d never exchanged more than polite nods in passing.

"anyway," he continued, his voice light and lilting, "i just wanted to say—you were amazing out there. the way you move on the court? it’s like… i don’t know, art or something."

i blinked, unsure how to respond. compliments weren’t something i was used to, especially from someone who had no reason to notice me. "uh, thanks," i said awkwardly, scratching the back of my neck with a faint smile.

the sunshine guy's grin widened, and he gave a little laugh, as if my reaction amused him. "seriously, though! you’ve got this… i don’t know, this elegance when you play. like you’re not just playing to win—you’re playing to express something. it’s cool."

i stared at him, caught off guard by the sheer earnestness in his voice. there was no hint of sarcasm, no undercurrent of competition—just genuine admiration. it was disarming, the way he looked at me, his eyes warm and unassuming, like he truly meant every word.

before i knew it, we were walking together, his deep voice filling the space between us as we headed toward the locker rooms. he kinda talked with his whole body, his hands gesturing animatedly, his steps light, almost bouncy.

he told me about how he wasn’t much of a basketball fan but had come to watch the team play and ended up being more impressed by me. he mentioned how he loved the way i dribbled, how i always seemed to find the perfect opening. "it’s like you see the game differently than everyone else," he said, his tone laced with wonder.

i didn’t say much, but felix didn’t seem to mind. he carried the conversation effortlessly, his words tumbling out in a cheerful, unfiltered stream. his voice was soft but lively, like he couldn’t contain his excitement about even the smallest things.

when we reached the locker room doors, he stopped and turned to me, his hands tucked back into his pockets. "well, i guess this is where i leave you," he said with a little shrug, his smile still firmly in place.

"thanks for the talk," i said, feeling a strange warmth settle in my chest.

"anytime," he replied, his grin softening into something more sincere. "see you around, hyunjin. keep playing the way you do, okay? it’s inspiring."

with that, he turned and walked away, his golden hair catching the light, his footsteps light and unhurried.

i stood there for a moment, staring after him, his words echoing in my mind.

okay, conversing with a literal golden retriever wasn't on my schedule, but i'm not complaining.

the next few days unfolded like a gentle spring breeze, carrying the blonde closer into hyunjin’s orbit with an ease that felt both foreign and comforting. he seemed to appear everywhere, his sunshine-drenched smile lighting up hallways, classrooms, and even the spaces hyunjin hadn’t realized were so dim before.

it was strange, this feeling of someone so effortlessly making themselves a part of your days, like the way sunlight filters through curtains uninvited but welcome all the same. felix had a knack for filling silences, his words tumbling out in cheerful, rambling tangents that somehow made sense by the end. and though hyunjin usually thrived in solitude, he found himself listening more, responding more, even smiling more.

of course, she still lingered in his mind sometimes—a soft, bittersweet memory of something unattainable. but with felix around, the ache dulled. it wasn’t that he forgot her; it was that he didn’t feel quite as hollow. his presence was like a patch of warm sun on a chilly day, an undeniable comfort that didn’t demand anything in return.

felix, for all his bubbliness, seemed to bring out something softer in hyunjin too. perhaps it was the way he carried himself, light and delicate, or the way he spoke with a sincerity that felt unguarded, untainted by cynicism. whatever it was, hyunjin found himself treading carefully around him, as if felix were made of spun glass and the last thing he wanted was to leave a crack.

—

it was seungmin, felix's roommate, who told him about the rooftop.

"felix? he’s probably up there," seungmin had said nonchalantly, shuffling through his locker, as he glanced at the guy. "he likes the quiet. eats lunch there a lot."

hyunjin had hesitated at first, unsure if he was intruding, but curiosity won out. so here he was, climbing the worn staircase that led to the rooftop, the faint sound of the bustling school below fading with each step.

when he pushed open the heavy metal door, there he was.

he was sat cross-legged on the stony floor, leaning against the low wall that lined the rooftop’s edge. a neatly packed lunch box sat in his lap, and his golden hair gleamed in the midday sunlight, almost too bright to look at. he was popping a grape into his mouth when he noticed hyunjin, his eyes lighting up with a smile that was as welcoming as it was disarming.

"oh hey, hyunjin," felix said, his voice soft and lilting. "didn’t know you’d be here too."

"ah… i, um…" hyunjin stammered, suddenly feeling awkward, like he’d just walked into something private. he shifted the strap of his crossbody bag and glanced around, unsure of where to place himself. "seungmin told me you were here."

felix chuckled, gesturing to the spot beside him. "well, come on then. no sense standing there like a lost puppy."

hyunjin let out a small laugh, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly as he moved to sit beside him. he settled onto the floor, his back against the wall, and pulled out his sketchbook and pencil from his bag.

"i… thought maybe i’d sketch," hyunjin said, his voice quieter now. he glanced at felix, who was now chewing thoughtfully on a slice of apple. the sunlight hit felix’s face at just the right angle, illuminating the constellation of freckles across his cheeks and nose.

felix looked over, curiosity sparking in his honey-brown eyes. "you sketch?"

"yeah, a lot." hyunjin responded, lowering his gaze to the blank page that sat on his lap. "guess i never really mentioned it, huh?"

"i guess so," the blonde's eyes lightened in admiration, "so is that your artwork on the phonecase then?"

"yeah, actually," hyunjin muttered, "it's nothing much, though."

"i'd say it must really mean something to you. i'd beg and pay thousands to see your pieces," he giggled excitedly, staring at the guy with the brightest smile in the universe.

hyunjin's eyes shifted awkwardly, meeting his bright ones as he absorbed the genuineness in the blonde's eyes and smile.

"so what do you usually like to draw?"

"anything.. random," hyunjin replied quickly, looking down once again. "but i usually end up drawing flowers, um, people, and happy moments."

felix hummed in understanding, his focus returning to his lunch. for a moment, they sat in companionable silence, the soft rustle of the breeze and the distant sounds of the school below creating a cocoon of peace around them.

but hyunjin couldn’t stop glancing at felix out of the corner of his eye—the way his lips curved as he smiled to himself, the way his fingers carefully plucked a grape from the box, the way the sunlight seemed to adore him, draping him in a golden glow.

"felix?" hyunjin said suddenly, his voice breaking the quiet.

felix turned to him, eyebrows raised in question. "mhm?"

hyunjin hesitated, his grip tightening on his pencil. his heart thudded in his chest, and he cursed himself for how awkward he felt. "i… i wanted to ask if… you’d let me sketch you. like—be my muse. but i mean—that’s only if you’re okay—"

felix’s face lit up in a way that made hyunjin’s breath catch. "me? really?"

hyunjin nodded, his gaze dropping to his sketchbook. "you just… you look—" he paused, feeling the words stick in his throat.

beautiful? ethereal? like you’ve been kissed by sunlight itself?

"—interesting," he finished weakly.

felix let out a soft laugh, and hyunjin dared to look up, only to find felix grinning at him with an almost childlike delight.

"i’d be honored," felix said, his voice warm and sincere. "just tell me what to do."

hyunjin swallowed hard, his fingers trembling slightly as he poised his pencil over the page. "just… stay as you are. you’re perfect."

the words slipped out before he could stop them, and his cheeks flushed immediately. but felix didn’t tease him for it. instead, he just smiled, leaning back against the wall and tilting his head slightly, his golden hair catching the sunlight again.

and as hyunjin began to sketch, his pencil capturing the gentle curve of felix’s jaw, the scattered freckles, the light in his eyes—he realized that for the first time in a long while, he wasn’t thinking about anyone else.

only him.

the day had slipped into late afternoon, the golden hour casting a soft glow over the campus as students trickled out of the buildings. hyunjin adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder, his footsteps slow as he made his way across the courtyard. it had been a long day—lectures, practice, and a lingering exhaustion he couldn’t quite shake—but at least it was over.

the quiet shuffle of his sneakers on the pavement filled his ears until a familiar voice called out from behind him, bright and lilting.

"hyunjin! wait up!"

he turned to see felix jogging toward him, his blonde hair catching the sunlight in a way that made it almost shimmer. he was all literally energy, even after a full day, his smile as wide as ever.

"hey," felix said, falling into step beside him, slightly out of breath. "i thought that was you. heading home?"

"yeah," hyunjin replied simply, his voice low, though he found himself softening as he looked at felix.

felix’s grin didn’t falter, and he adjusted the strap of his own bag. "long day?"

"something like that."

they walked together for a moment, the conversation easy, as felix filled the air with his usual cheerful chatter. he talked about how the lecture on renaissance art had gone completely over his head, how he’d spilled coffee on his notebook but somehow managed to save his notes.

hyunjin listened quietly, nodding here and there, letting felix’s words wash over him. there was something soothing about felix’s voice, a buoyancy that felt almost contagious, like he could lift the weight of the world just by talking.

but then hyunjin’s gaze shifted, just for a second, drawn by the sound of a familiar laugh.

there she was.

she stood a few steps ahead, just off the main path, her head tilted back as she laughed at something her friends had said. chris was there too, with his arm casually draped over her shoulders, his expression as confident and easy as ever.

the sight tugged at something deep in hyunjin’s chest, a sharp reminder of what he’d tried so hard to bury. but before the ache could settle, before felix could notice the flicker of something in his eyes, hyunjin turned back.

he quickened his pace.

felix, ever the observant one, picked up on it immediately. he glanced at hyunjin, a hint of curiosity in his eyes, but if he had any questions, he didn’t voice them. instead, he jogged a step to match his longer strides, his usual cheer slipping back into place.

"you know," felix began, his tone light and almost casual, though there was a faint undercurrent of nervousness, "i was thinking… my roommate says i bake pretty good brownies. and, well, i was planning on making a few batches tonight."

hyunjin slowed slightly, glancing at felix.

felix scratched the back of his neck, his grin faltering just a little, though his voice stayed steady. "i mean, if you’re not busy or anything, maybe you could come over? you know, hang out. have a taste-test session or whatever."

hyunjin blinked, caught off guard by the invitation. felix’s words were casual enough, but there was something in the way he spoke, the way his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, that made him realize he might actually care about the answer.

for a moment, hyunjin hesitated. the idea of spending more time with felix, of stepping into his world, felt strange and unfamiliar. but at the same time, the thought of walking home to an empty apartment, of being alone with his thoughts, felt heavier.

"are you sure?" hyunjin asked finally, his voice quieter than he intended.

felix’s grin returned, brighter this time, like he hadn’t expected hyunjin to even consider it. "of course! it’s no trouble at all. i mean, unless you hate brownies. in which case… who even are you?"

hyunjin let out a small laugh despite himself, shaking his head. "i don’t hate brownies."

"good," felix said with mock seriousness, pointing a finger at him. "because i don’t think i could be friends with someone who does."

"friends, huh?" hyunjin murmured, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

felix tilted his head, his expression softening. "yeah. friends."

hyunjin exhaled, the tension in his chest loosening just a little. "okay. i’ll come over."

felix’s face lit up, the kind of smile that could chase away the darkest of clouds. "great! you won’t regret it, i promise. my brownies are kind of legendary."

as they continued walking, felix started talking again, his words spilling out in that familiar, giddy way. hyunjin found himself relaxing more with each step, the weight of the day beginning to lift.

the streets were quieter now, bathed in the warm hues of the setting sun. felix walked with a light bounce in his step, his hands casually stuffed into the pockets of his jacket. hyunjin walked beside him, his longer strides slowed to match felix’s pace.

"so, how did you get into baking?" hyunjin asked, his voice breaking the comfortable silence between them.

felix turned his head toward him, his grin widening. "oh, you know. it started with cookies. my older sister, rachel, loved baking, and she taught me when i was a kid. at first, i was terrible—like, really terrible. burnt everything. but i kept at it because, well, cookies, you know?"

hyunjin nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. "i can see that. you seem like the kind of person who’d persevere for cookies."

"hey, cookies are worth the effort," felix shot back, laughing. "and then i branched out. muffins, cakes, brownies—pretty much anything sweet. now it’s kind of my thing. therapy, i guess. plus, helps keep seungmin's sass in check."

"therapy?" hyunjin raised an eyebrow.

"yeah, like… when the world feels too heavy, i bake," felix explained, his voice softer now. "measuring ingredients, mixing, smelling something warm and sweet in the oven—it just makes things feel a little lighter, you know?"

hyunjin glanced at him, his chest tightening at the sincerity in felix’s tone. "i get that. for me, it’s drawing."

felix’s eyes lit up. "oh, yeah! you’re amazing at it. i mean, i’ve only seen a small portion of your sketches only today, but i bet they’re incredible. like, real talent. i can barely draw a stick figure."

hyunjin chuckled, shaking his head. "thanks. it’s… kind of like what you said. it helps me process things."

felix nodded thoughtfully, his gaze drifting to the sidewalk ahead. "that’s cool. i think everyone needs something like that, you know? something that feels like home."

they walked in silence for the moment, the sounds of the city filling the space between them.

when they finally reached felix’s building, he stopped at the entrance and turned to hyunjin, his expression softening.

"thanks for coming," felix said, his voice quieter now. "i wasn’t sure if you’d say yes, but… i’m glad you did."

hyunjin felt a strange warmth spread through him at the sincerity in felix’s words. he gave a small nod. "me too."

felix’s grin returned, brighter than ever. "come on. let’s make you a brownie believer."

with that, felix pushed open the door, and hyunjin followed him inside, his steps feeling just a little lighter than before.

—

the kitchen smelled like butter and cocoa, a rich and decadent aroma that only deepened as felix set out the ingredients. the room was modest, the counters slightly cluttered but lived-in, with felix’s cheerful energy filling every corner. hyunjin leaned against the counter, arms crossed loosely, watching as felix flitted around the kitchen.

"okay," felix began, turning toward hyunjin with a measuring cup in hand. "first things first—have you ever made brownies before? or like.. baked and cooked? at all?"

hyunjin only blinked, "uh.. i once helped my best friend sauté tofu and veggies?" he spoke, unsure.

"and..?"

"and..? oh, i think i burnt the tofu a bit. i didn't realise the stove was on high flame.."

felix smiled, ducking his head slightly as he set the measuring cup on the counter. "alright, rookie. let’s start with the dry ingredients."

he talked hyunjin through each step, his voice soft but enthusiastic as he explained the difference between unsweetened and dutch-process cocoa, how to measure flour properly, and why sugar mattered so much in baking.

hyunjin nodded along, following felix’s instructions, though his eyes lingered more on felix than the ingredients. the way his hands moved, quick but precise, and how his lips pursed when he concentrated—it all held his attention in a way he wasn’t used to.

"okay, your turn," felix said, sliding the bowl of dry ingredients toward him.

hyunjin straightened, stepping closer. "what am i doing?"

"whisking," felix replied, holding out the whisk. his freckles seemed to stand out more under the soft kitchen light, his cheeks tinged with a faint pink as hyunjin’s fingers brushed his when he took the whisk.

hyunjin glanced down at the bowl, then back up at felix. "am i supposed to do this a certain way, or…?"

felix giggled nervously, his gaze flitting away before returning to meet hyunjin’s. "it’s not that complicated, i promise. just, uh… here, let me show you."

he stepped closer, his smaller frame just brushing against hyunjin’s side as he placed his hands over hyunjin’s on the whisk. "you want to go in small circles, like this," felix said, guiding his movements. his voice was quieter now, and hyunjin could feel the warmth radiating from him.

the blonde's blush deepened as he realized how close they were, his words faltering. "y-you don’t want to overmix, though. just until it’s all combined."

hyunjin’s heart gave an unfamiliar flutter, his eyes briefly dropping to felix’s face. he noticed the way felix bit his lower lip in concentration, the way his lashes cast delicate shadows on his cheeks.

"are you hot?"

felix’s hands froze for a second before he quickly pulled back, his face going from pink to scarlet. "n-no, i’m not!" he stammered, avoiding hyunjin’s gaze as he fussed with the edge of his apron.

"i mean- maybe, i don't know, i'll just go get some.. paper napkins, yeah." felix muttered, clearly flustered.

hyunjin chuckled under his breath, the sound low and warm, but he didn’t press further. he resumed whisking, letting felix regain his composure, as he left the kitchen to get those 'napkins'.

when felix finally came back, his expression was determined, though the pink in his cheeks hadn’t quite faded. "alright, rookie, let’s move on to the wet ingredients."

they worked together, felix explaining and demonstrating, hyunjin following along. at one point, felix reached up to grab a mixing bowl from a high shelf, but his fingers just barely brushed the edge.

"need help?" hyunjin asked, already stepping closer.

felix turned to protest but stopped when he saw how easily hyunjin reached up and grabbed the bowl, his long fingers steady and confident. their eyes met briefly as hyunjin handed it to him, and felix let out a soft laugh, his shoulders relaxing. "thanks. guess being tall has its perks."

hyunjin smirked. "you say that like it’s a bad thing."

they continued, the atmosphere growing more comfortable, even playful. felix teased hyunjin about his whisking technique, calling it 'too aggressive,' while hyunjin shot back that felix was 'too much of a perfectionist.'

as they poured the batter into the pan, felix handed hyunjin a spatula. "here, scrape the bowl."

hyunjin obeyed, his movements slow and deliberate. "is this up to your perfectionist standards?" he asked, glancing at felix with a raised brow.

felix laughed, his shoulders shaking. "i’ll allow it."

when the brownies were finally in the oven, felix leaned against the counter, letting out a content sigh. "now we wait."

hyunjin stood beside him, his gaze drifting to felix’s profile. the golden light from the oven reflected off felix’s hair, making it shine. he looked peaceful, almost ethereal, as he rested his chin on his hand.

"you’re good at this," hyunjin said after a moment, his voice quiet.

felix turned to him, his brows knitting together in confusion. "good at what?"

hyunjin hesitated, his lips quirking into a small smile. "making people feel at home."

felix blinked, his cheeks flushing again, though his smile was soft this time. "that’s… really nice of you to say. thanks, hyunjin."

hyunjin didn’t reply, just nodded slightly, his eyes lingering on felix for a moment longer before looking away.

the next time the two met was after hyunjin’s basketball practice. the court was still abuzz with movement as players cooled down, collecting their water bottles and laughing about plays that went wrong or almost-right. hyunjin wiped his forehead with a towel, sweat clinging to the nape of his neck, when he caught a glimpse of felix sitting in the bleachers.

he was easy to spot—blonde hair glowing under the gym lights, freckles standing out against his flushed cheeks as he beamed at hyunjin, waving excitedly when their eyes met. hyunjin felt his breath hitch for a second, but he masked it with a small smile, lifting a hand in acknowledgment.

as the rest of the team dispersed, hyunjin walked over, the squeak of his sneakers echoing softly. felix hopped down from the bleachers, practically bouncing toward him.

"that was a great game," felix exclaimed, his eyes bright. "you were amazing out there, hyunjin. that shot you made toward the end? unreal."

hyunjin let out a awkward chuckle, the corner of his mouth twitching upward. "thanks. glad to know i’ve got at least one loyal fan."

felix laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "you’ve got a lot more than just one, trust me. but, uh… if you ever need someone to cheer louder, i’m your guy."

hyunjin tilted his head slightly, studying felix’s flushed face and earnest expression. "you free right now?" he asked, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

felix blinked, caught off guard. "oh, uh, yeah. why?"

hyunjin shrugged, looking away briefly. "my roommate’s out for the day. place feels too quiet, and i might get a little bored. care for some company?"

felix’s lips curled into a small smile, his cheeks dusted pink. "yeah, sure. i’d love to."

the walk to hyunjin’s apartment was quieter than usual, though not uncomfortably so. felix had asked about the game, his enthusiasm spilling into every question—did hyunjin practice that three-pointer often? was his coach strict? who was the best player on the team?

hyunjin answered each question patiently, his tone soft, almost fond. felix’s excitement was infectious, and hyunjin found himself smiling more than he realized.

when they reached the apartment, hyunjin unlocked the door and stepped aside, gesturing for felix to enter first.

the room was neat but far from sterile. a desk in the corner was cluttered with paint tubes, brushes, and sketchbooks. several canvases leaned against the wall, some completed, others only half-finished. felix’s eyes widened as he took it all in, his gaze darting from the paintings to the guitar propped in the far corner.

"wow," felix murmured, walking closer to the desk. his fingers hovered over a sketchbook but didn’t touch. "this is amazing. i mean, i only ever saw the two you showed me, but—hyunjin, these are incredible."

hyunjin scratched the back of his neck, looking away.

felix gaped softly. "not only are you the hottest guy on the campus’ basketball team," he began, the words slipping out before he could stop them. realizing what he’d just said, his eyes widened, and his cheeks turned bright red. "i mean—g-good looking.. guy on the basketball team,"

hyunjin's cheeks tinted red at the comment.

felix? well his ears still burning. "and.. say you paint, sketch, and play the guitar too? is there anything you can’t do?"

hyunjin followed felix’s gaze to the guitar. "i can’t play much," he admitted, walking over to pick it up. he sat on the couch, the sleek, ash-gray instrument resting comfortably in his hands. "still learning the basics. there’s this one chord i just can’t get right."

felix tilted his head, curiosity sparking in his eyes. "which one?"

"b major," hyunjin replied, strumming a few notes and wincing when it came out wrong.

felix’s face lit up. "oh, seungmin’s a music major, and he spends half the day playing guitar in our apartment. i might know a thing or two."

hyunjin arched an eyebrow. "really?"

"yeah," felix said, sitting beside him on the couch. "i could help, i guess. there's this song seungmin loves, and i think it has the chord."

hyunjin tried playing the chord again, failing to play it well.

"hold on, i think it goes like this," he said, reaching out to guide his fingers. felix’s touch was warm, and hyunjin found himself watching the way he adjusted the strings in his hands.

"okay, so b major is tricky," felix began, his voice soft but steady. he demonstrated the chord, the sound ringing out clearly. "you just have to press down a little harder here."

hyunjin leaned forward slightly, studying felix’s fingers. "like this?" he asked, mimicking the position.

"close," felix murmured, reaching out to adjust hyunjin’s grip. their hands brushed again, and felix froze for a moment, his breath hitching. "s-sorry," he stammered, pulling back and trying to put some space between them.

hyunjin’s gaze softened, his voice a hushed reassurance. "it’s fine. don’t worry about it."

felix cleared his throat, his cheeks flaming as he looked down at the guitar. "uh, right. try again."

as hyunjin strummed, the chord came out cleaner this time, and felix smiled, the tension melting away. "see? you’ve got it."

hyunjin didn’t reply immediately, his eyes lingering on felix’s face. the way felix’s freckles seemed to glow in the warm light, the curve of his smile, the softness in his gaze—it all felt strangely grounding.

for the first time in a while, y/n didn’t linger in hyunjin’s thoughts. instead, all he could think about was the boy sitting across from him, blushing and laughing softly, and how felix made everything feel just a little bit brighter.

the guitar sat forgotten between them. hyunjin was still holding it carefully, his hands lingering for a moment before he sat straight again, exhaling quietly. felix was still sitting beside him, his legs tucked under himself, a soft hum of contentment escaping as he looked down at his hands, fidgeting slightly.

“thanks,” hyunjin said suddenly, his voice low but steady.

“i-it's nothing,”

hyunjin gave a faint smile, his gaze soft as it settled on felix's flushed cheeks. he didn’t say anything, but his eyes lingered, trailing over his face—those bright, sun-kissed freckles, the curve of his lips, the way his blonde hair fell messily over his forehead.

felix noticed the silence and tilted his head slightly, his expression curious. "what? did i say something weird?"

"no," hyunjin murmured, shaking his head. he looked down, his hands resting on the guitar, fingers curling slightly as if grounding himself.

hyunjin laughed softly, but the sound faded quickly as his eyes found felix’s again. there was something in his chest, something he couldn’t name but felt like it had been there for weeks, quietly growing every time felix smiled, every time he blushed, every time he laughed.

before he could stop himself, hyunjin leaned forward, his movements slow, hesitant. felix stilled, his breath hitching as hyunjin’s face came closer, their noses almost brushing.

"felix," hyunjin murmured, his voice barely audible.

felix’s eyes searched his, wide and vulnerable, his cheeks tinged pink. "y-yeah?"

hyunjin hesitated for a fraction of a second longer, his heart pounding in his chest. then, with a quiet exhale, he closed the distance.

their lips met softly, hesitantly, as if testing the waters. felix let out a small, surprised sound against hyunjin’s mouth, his hand instinctively reaching up to rest against hyunjin’s neck. his fingers trembled slightly, but they held on, anchoring him.

hyunjin’s hand moved carefully to felix’s waist, his long fingers curling gently around him, as if afraid to hold on too tightly. felix tasted sweet, like the faint hint of chocolate they’d snacked on earlier, mixed with something softer, warmer, uniquely felix.

felix’s lips were soft and pliant, moving tentatively against hyunjin’s as if he were afraid of doing something wrong. but when hyunjin deepened the kiss just slightly, tilting his head to fit their mouths together more snugly, felix let out a quiet sigh, his shoulders relaxing.

the kiss grew slower, more confident. hyunjin’s other hand found felix’s smaller one, their fingers intertwining. he squeezed gently, his thumb brushing over felix’s knuckles as he pulled him just a fraction closer.

felix shifted slightly, leaning into hix touch. his other hand slid further into his hair, his fingers tangling in the dark strands. when hyunjin pulled back just a little, felix chased him instinctively, their lips brushing again in a way that felt almost desperate.

hyunjin gasped softly, the sound low and warm as he rested his forehead against felix’s. his breath was uneven, his chest rising and falling in time with felix’s.

hyunjin’s heart raced as he pulled back slightly, his breath catching in his throat. his mind scrambled to process what had just happened, the rush of emotions, the spark that had ignited between them. his fingers, still loosely holding felix’s hand, twitched slightly, and his voice came out quieter than he intended.

"'m sorry," hyunjin murmured, his eyes flickering down to the space between them, suddenly feeling like he’d overstepped, like he had done something wrong. his chest tightened with uncertainty, and for the first time in a while, he felt unsure.

felix blinked, and the brief moment of silence felt heavier than it was. he hesitated, but then a soft, reassuring smile tugged at his lips. he reached up to gently cup hyunjin’s cheek, his touch tender, his thumb brushing over the soft skin there.

before he could respond, felix’s eyes softened, and without another word, he leaned in once again, their lips interlocking immediately.

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lurkingshan · 3 months ago

Note

why do you continue to watch gmmtv shows when you clearly don’t enjoy them?

This is the kind of rude, cowardly anonymous ask that I would typically just delete, but I’m in the mood to be generous so I will respond and use it as an educational moment.

I have to start by rejecting your premise. I enjoy plenty of GMMTV shows. My favorite Thai bl of this year is Cherry Magic Thailand. I wrote quite lovingly about it on this hellsite for 12 weeks. I was also a big fan of Cooking Crush and The Trainee this year, Kidnap is giving me joy weekly, and I’m currently in the midst of a really interesting discussion with people far more mature than you about Peaceful Property. GMMTV is also responsible for some of my all time favorite Thai shows including Bad Buddy, 3 Will Be Free, Midnight Museum, Theory of Love, Moonlight Chicken, and Dark Blue Kiss, and many more besides that I liked a lot. You don't know me. You have made the mistake of assuming that because you’ve seen a small fraction of my posts about specific things, you know what I think about all kinds of things. But as my beloved departed grandfather loved to say, when you assume you make an ass out of u and me.

So with that out of the way, let’s get to the real question underneath your logical fallacy: why don’t I keep my mouth shut instead of posting about the flaws I observe in these shows? There are a number of reasons for that.

First, I am extremely open about the fact that I am interested in the art and science of narrative storytelling, and I often post about it from a critical lens. This is all in the pinned post at the top of my blog, but I doubt someone with your lack of manners bothered to look there before sending me this ask.

Second, I don’t believe in the popular fandom idea that all meta discussion of shows should be positive and centered on stanning for actors or pairs and their shows. That's a fine pursuit for folks who enjoy engaging with media that way, but I personally find that boring and intellectually empty, and have very little interest in it. I like to learn from the things I enjoy, and you can't learn if you're not willing to think critically about why something in a story may or may not be working.

Third, my favorite thing about watching media is discussing it with like-minded people, and the way to find like-minded people is to share your honest feelings about what you're watching. I have made some of the best friends of my life by posting my unfiltered thoughts about whatever I'm watching in various social media spaces, and having people come and say "hey, me too" or "I don't quite agree but what an interesting thought." We connect with others through sharing our thoughts and feelings. If you censor yourself in fandom spaces, you will not find your people.

Fourth, on the specific topic of GMMTV: they are the largest and best resourced ql-producing studio in the biggest ql-producing country, and part of a giant media conglomerate that controls much of the media in Thailand. Their shows matter in terms of the influence they have over the rest of the industry, and so the messages they send with their shows also matter. I will never ignore them completely even when I choose not to watch some of their shows, because where they go, the larger ql industry follows. When I see a trend in their shows that is harmful, like, say, the repeated use of marginalized identities for marketing their shows that they then disrespect in the way the stories are executed, that needs to be pointed out and examined, and I am hardly the only one doing so.

I'll end by asking you a question, anon: what did you hope to accomplish by sending me this ask? Unlike many of the other folks who have been engaging in critical discussion with me over the last couple days, you had nothing constructive to say. You didn't put forward an interpretation or share your own feelings, you didn't contribute to the collective analysis process, and you didn't offer any commiseration or even a clear disagreement with anything I said. From where I'm sitting, your only intent was to attempt to shame me for speaking. You will never be successful at that, and it's a pretty ugly impulse that you should examine in yourself. When you find yourself being awful to real human beings because you can't manage your emotions about fictional media, it's time to think about what you're doing here. I hope you'll reflect on that, and take good care.

#fandom stuff #thai bl #shan answers

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absolutebl · 2 months ago

Note

Could you recommend me 1-2 good "standard" bl from each of the main bl producing countries (China, Japan, Taiwan, Thailand and South Korea)? I'm interested in the differences in tropes and execution between bl from different countries, especially Taiwan and Thailand. I'm looking for bl that's highly rated because it's well-executed but doesn't stray from the expected formula for its region.

Great BLs that ALSO rep for their country's style

I really took the "represent" part seriously. Here are my (end of 2024) quick pulls, explanations etc in the linked posts at the bottom.

Japan

Seven Days (or I Cannot Reach You)

Old Fashion Cupcake

For the darker stuff: Tokyo in April is

Korea

Semantic Error

To My Star

For their new style of darker stuff: The 8th Sense or Love for Love's Sake

Thailand

These were absolutely the hardest to pick, so I couldn't stick to 2. There's just so much Thai BL.

My School President - best high school rep (heritage = Love of Siam, Love Sick, the true Thai BL beginnings)

Bad Buddy - best uni BL rep (heritage = 2gether, SOTUS, the beginning of Thai BL global dominance) alternative = Oxygen which is possibly the most classic Thai uni BL we have ever gotten (but Bad Buddy is better acted)

We Are - best GMMTV ensemble piece, heritage is actually also Love Sick, but in 2024 everyone is gay.

Lovely Writer - best meta

My Ride - best pulp

The Sign - best wild what-the-actual-fuck? ride (KinnPorshe also an option)

For an example of the few times Thailand got elevated: I Feel You Linger in the Air or A Tale of Thousand Stars. But these are atypical, we only get a few of them a year from Thailand.

Taiwan

These were the easiest to pick.

We Best Love

Be Loved In House: I Do

But actually: History 4: Make Our Day's Count will tell you everything you ever needed to know about Taiwanese BL in one mess of a show. It's just... not that great.

China

Addicted

Word of Honor

The Philippines

Gameboys

My Day

Vietnam

Mr Cinderella

My Lascivious Boss

But by most standards neither of these are actually very good.

Here's a 2022 post where I talk about the differences between country's styles and approaches.

If you want representative samples from a historical perspective than I do that here:

In that post, you'll need to decide what kind of representation you want to consume though, because some are very old, and others newer, since this is set up to learn about the evolution of the genre.

I also wrote a whole series on the history of the genre along with my top 10 picks at the time (2022). It's old now but still holds up for what you want. I would say pick any two from the top ten of each list, but please understand my personal taste leans toward the lighter fluffier fare. (Which means my top ten from places like Japan is very skewed. Also several countries have added new top 10, for me personally, in 2023 & 2024).

Here's a fun one on the tropes people love in the different countries

And a personal favorite, very silly and not helpful at all.

(source)

#asked and answered #bls that best represent for their country #bl by country #bl style by country #bl tropes by country

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wanderlust-in-my-soul · 9 months ago

Text

Currently Watching - April

aka The Masterlist

Because I love a good little list - in alphabetical order! 😊

Regularly updated during the month, latest update 30.04.2024

A little link to my favorite bl-tropes-collection 💙

I am happy about gif-requests 🌼

Here you can find all of my gifs.

Tracking: #josistag

At the end you can have a look at what we can expect in April with a MDL link and a link for a trailer (if avaible).

This is guaranteed to contain spoilers!

1. 25 Ju, Akasaka de 🇯🇵 (2/10)

They were fellow students and now they have to play in a BL together. One of them is two years older and popular. For the other one, this is his first big role and he needs it, so he is determined to to anything he needs to do, to be a good actor. Even when this means to find a partner and fall in love to be able to play the role perfectly. Why not try to be lovers with your co-star. All for the sake of the series of course.

2. Blue Boys 🇰🇷 (2/4)

This short series is quite good. I saw the first episode by chance and I was hooked, but lost it again, because I couldn't track it on MDL. Now it is up there. I hope these two can resolve their missunderstanding, with talking! But they are too hungry for each other...

3. Boys Be Brave! 🇰🇷 (2/8)

Enemies to lovers, but different. Jinwoo likes Kisub and Kisub knows this. But while Kisub gives his heart away to every person who hits on him and can't really say No to anyone, Jinwoo loves to build up his wall and hide behind a strong No. Their worlds collide, when Kisub moves in with Jinwoo, if he likes it or not. Great first episodes!

4. Cityboy_Log 🇰🇷 (12/?)

They are back and unhinged like before! Jihan and Jaejun met after a while because they were busy and it seems they had some catching up to do the night before. We get some daily vlogging, some cuteness and some jealousy, which wasn't that cute. But they are finally back and I am happy. The acting is still very good. There is no deeper story behind, just some idols, models and actors falling in love with each other and theit daily lifes.

5. Deep Night 🇹🇭 (3/8)

his is everything I was expecting, so it didn't disappoint, I guess. To be honest, I watch this for First. I guess he would have chemistry with a stick, soooo this is nice. And I hope the story, at least stays like this and won't get worse... Update: This show is a mess 😂 there is so much going on all at once and at the same time nothing really happens? It is so confusing, yet very entertaining. But Wela, my dear, it is totally okay to be pissed if one fucks with you, while you are so drunk you can't remember shit the next day... Just a thought.

6. Kare no Iru Seikatsu 🇯🇵 (3/8)

Kazuhito has no girlfriend and the ones he had, broke up with him, because they felt he likes someone else... Who might that be?... The story is simple, I guess? (But perhaps not that simple... The preview for ep 3 looks interesting.) Childhood friends are forced to move in together after spending time apart. One is a little bit naive and is trying to find out why girls breaking up with the most charming and handsome guy he knows and the latter is in love with the naive one and in the end they have their happy ending. I like it. I want to see their growth.

7. Love Is Like A Cat 🇰🇷 (10/12)

Who thought this was a good idea? Who wrote this? Who said cut at the end of scenes? Who thought this is be the way Mew should act? I cringe so hard and not in a funny way. This series is just bad. I keep watching because of this little bean. But I had to skip so many scenes in today's episodes, because it was just so bad! And I can't figure out if Mew just didn't want to be there and act or if that is the way the director wanted him to act... But the acting is bad. Bad choices everywhere. And the dialogues? Cringe... Why would a bean like Dae Byeol fall for Uno? Nope...

8. My Stand-In 🇹🇭 (1/12)

Okay, hear me out. I watch this for Poom and for Poom only. But the story lookes interesting, it was quite intriguing. I don't know why, but I cringed a bit too much at some scenes. But Poom is beautiful and that is all I care about. Yes, I can be this shallow!

9. Only Boo 🇹🇭 (4/12)

The cringe was so strong with this one this week! I had to pause multiple times, but at the same time I enjoyed it so much! Moo is so unhinged and I love him! But please! Don't let Moo's cousin become a possible love interest for Kang. I know we got this dream sequence this week, but there is something in the air between Shone and him... and I don't like it. The second couple... I felt really sad for them this week. Beeing in love with your best friend is never easy...

10. Unknown 🇹🇼 (12/12)

The story about found family, childhood trauma and struggling topped with a lovestory between "brothers". They aren't really brothers so I really don't care and just enjoy this forbidden and hurtful lovestory to the fullest. This is exactly what I hoped for! The longing, tension and hurting is so good! It is the aftermath of the shooting and Qian is still dealing with his emotions and his feelings for Yuan. The love between them is real and strong, but Qian is afraid and can't just let his heart decide over the head, yet. He loves Yuan, but is afraid what that means for them and especially for Yuan's future. And yet he held him back. He was the one reaching out in the end! I have said enough about them and this first part of ep 11 in my post. I love them. My heart belongs to them. I wish we had more developement between these two as a couple, but I still love them and I forgive this show the rush in the end, because I love it so much.

11. Word of Honor 🇨🇳 (20/36)

Those two flirt a lot and are a married couple. Everyone knows that. And I love and enjoy that! Overall this is such a fun watch and the different sects and intrigues are sometimes a little bit confusing, but interesting. I love this world of martial arts and I love how protective Wen Kexing is over Zhou Zishu.

Finished in April

Series

My Strawberry Film 🇯🇵

This is what I call a love triangle. And the fact that the screenwriters worked for Eien No Kinou or Jack o'Frost promised some heartbreak and teenage angst. And they delivered. I really like this series. And I felt so many emotions, especially for Ryo. And I really loved the ending. No fake relationship and no unrealistic confessions, just some teenagers in love and being friends. And I think Hiraku was such a sweet friend in this last episode. He apologized and he finally recognized Ryo's feelings for him. And I believe they stay friends in the future. It might be difficult, but a good friendship is worth fighting for. It has so much to do with respect and love for each other. It is a solid 8 out of 10 for me.

Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto 🇯🇵

The story about highschool sweethearts, who didn't have the chance to enjoy their young love, because of horrible family backgrounds. Their story is devastating and I am happy they found their way back to each other. The story was good, the acting was good, I am in love with Furuya Robin, which is nice, and the side characters were special (shoutout to Yuto!). I wish there was more "passion" from Miyata, but I guess it is due to his character. Overall it was a good watch and I enjoyed it! A good 8 out of 10 for me.

Jazz For Two 🇰🇷

I love bls about music and about traumatic pasts. The second couple has my heart. I just love them coming together. Usually I hate this bully-trope, but with them, I kinda enjoyed it. Perhaps because Jooha always looked like a hurting puppy. Overall the homophobia in this one is strong and I think it is interesting to see them deal with their own feelings. Internal and external homophobia is such a big thing in all their stories and I wish they had more time to show the developement from hating themselves to loving the other person and themselves. But in my opinion they made a good story and a good show. I like it very much. And what was that kiss in the end? Wow! A good 9 out of 10 for.

To Be Continued 🇹🇭

I really like this one! I read some comments that the reason they never got together was just stupid, but from their perspective I can understand why they reacted how they reacted. They were young and unsure what to do and what all of this meant for them and their friendship. What I liked about the show was the present and past scenes. We learned so much about their past and the scenes fitted perfectly. It was a really good series and I am glad I waited to binge it. Guess I come back to this one from time to time. Rewatch value is there. And those two have really good chemistry! A good 9 out of 10 for me.

Movie

Short Film

Dropped in April

We are 🇹🇭

I dropped this after the first half of the first episode. There are a few reasons for that. First, I need some shows to binge on lonely sundays. And second, I just don't feel like watching this one. It was so quirky for me. Not my kinf od humor right now.

Looking forward to in April

Love is like a cat - Trailer (Apr 1st)

We are - Trailer (Apr 3rd)

Memory in a letter - Trailer (Apr 6th)

Grey Shelter (Apr 11th)

Kare no Iru Seikatsu - Trailer (Apr 12th)

The Spirealm (Apr 15th)

Boys be brave! (Apr 25th)

25 Ji, Akasaka de (Apr 19th)

Kimi to Yukite Saku: Shinsengumi Seishunroku (Apr 25th)

My Stand-In - Trailer (Apr 26th)

Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai VS Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko 2024

Knock Knock, Boys - Trailer

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ultralightpoe · 11 months ago

Text

High Infidelity - Coriolanus Snow

Authors Note: Yup. I wrote for him. Hate me for it. (This was also the first time I wrote him so it’s not the best characterization, but hey. It’s been sitting in my drafts foreverrrrrr)

Word Count: 5642

Warnings: Prostitution. Lmao. And really bad writing so be prepared for that.

Apart of the Midnights Album Event

My MAIN Masterlist is here!

(Thank you for the gif @youremyvioleta )

Enjoy!

Lock broken, slur spoken

Wound open, game token

I didn't know you were keeping count

Rain soaking, blind hoping

You said I was freeloading

I didn't know you were keeping count

Your mother had always warned you away from him, warning you of the terrible terrible things that came from his family, she used to sit you at the table and plead with you to stay as far away from Coriolanus Snow as you could.

“Everything with that family ends with bloodshed.” She had warned you, telling you to stay away.

You hadn’t, and you never would….. well at least you never thought you would.

You had grown up with Coryo, known eachother since you were just children and had survived a war together. Had gone through starvation together. Back then you hadn’t understood why your mother was so afraid of him, this was the boy that had shared a can of beans with you when you had nothing. And now that the Capitol was back you were still as thick as thieves.

“I’m sorry.” You rush out, staring at your best friend right now, tears sliding your cheeks. “I don’t understand Coryo.”

It had been months since you last saw him, his hair was shorter and whiter now, and his face set into a grim glare. But it was the eyes that were different, they were cold and dark, just making eye contact made you shutter.

You had rushed to the train station to pick him up, an expensive flower in your hand and a wide smile. That had promptly been wiped away the second he got off the train and snapped at you.

The words fuzzed a bit, but it was something along the lines of “I’m warning you to stay away from my family, you freeloading wretch.”

“Do I really need to repeat myself?” The smile he gives you is anything but warm. “What? Now that I’m back you want to tag along all the time? Steal my family's fortune and pretend you’re not a starving leech?”

“Starving Leech? When have I ever taken anything from you?” You bite back, hands curling into fists.

“I can give you an entire list of everything you have taken from my family.” He laughs. “And I promise you that there will be no more favors.”

“You….. I hadn’t realized helping eachother from not starving was a favor. You ate from my table to need I remind you.” You snap, a heat crossing your skin, casting eyes towards a pair of on lookers.

You didn’t have time for this, you had a shift at the med wing.

You said as much to him, enjoying the way his eyes narrowed as he finally took in your medical garb. “We’ll talk later.” He scoffs, and you walk off after that, set on never talking to him again.

High infidelity

Put on your records and regret me

I bent the truth too far tonight

I was dancing around, dancing around it

High infidelity

Put on your headphones and burn my city

Your picket fence is sharp as knives

I was dancing around, dancing around it

It was nothing but sobs the night your mother passed away, cuddled on the floor of Coryos floor with his arms wrapped around you, trying to keep quiet just in case his grandmother woke up.

She hated tears, always thought them a sign of weakness.

“Shhh.” Coryo whispers, petting your hair back. “It will be okay.”

“What will I do?” You sob, feeling like your chest was caving in. “How will I survive?”

“We’ll find a way.” He whispers, using the pad of his thumb to rub the tears from your cheeks. “I’m sure Tigris can get you a job, and you can move in here if you need. Just take a moment-“

“I can’t. I can’t breathe.” You panic, hand snapping to his jacket as if he could keep you planted to the earth, your breathing ragged panting as your vision begins to blur.

“No. No.” He breathes, fingers snatching your jaw to make you look at him, digging into your skin. “Focus. Breathe. You’re stronger than this. Take. A. Breath.”

You listen, breathing in the same time he does, deep and open, breathing out when he does. Your nerves calm a bit, and you close your eyes as the tears keep falling. He pushes your head until it is laying on his chest. “Your mother just died. Don’t focus on the future, just let the pain settle. You’re safe here. I promise.”

And so you did, letting the sobs free as he held you all night.

Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?

Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?

“Did….. did you see her?” Tigris asks, keeping close to the doorframe of his room, hugging her arms close to herself as she watches him work at his desk.

He feels himself tense, spine stiffening so much a wave of pain passed over him, doing his best to seem natural about it all. “She will not be coming around anymore if that is what you want to ask.”

He would make sure of it, he would make sure no one took from him or his family ever again. Not that bitch from 12, not Highbottom and not….. you. You whose face filled his brain with sunlight and warmth, you who made his chest melt and hands shake from nerves.

He loved you, always had.

But that couldn’t be anymore. He was set for a pristine life now, he could not let his weakness get in the way. He already risked it more than he should have.

“She missed you. A lot.” Tigris sighs, moving a little closer. “And she…. Well she helped us scrap together money for care packages and rent.”

“I’m sure there was something she could get from it. Don’t worry.” Even as he says it his gut clenches. He didn’t believe it for a second, but this needed to be done.

“She….. Coryo she-“ Tigris seems to stutter over the words, closing her eyes as if just thinking about it dragged her into a wave of pain. He tries not to laugh because what did she have to hurt about? Living the plush life here as he fought for them in 12, fought for them in the games. Risked his life to make sure that girl survived.

“She. What?”

“She….. well once she found out we were short on rent and she had nothing to offer she…. Slept with someone…… for us.”

“How would whoring herself out help us?” He already knew, his heart beating through his chest as his hands began to shake, clenching them into fists so it wouldn’t show. He was going to be sick.

You wouldn’t have. No.

“For money. She made us-“

“GET. OUT.” He sneers, standing quickly. “Get out right now.” He watches his cousin dash from the room with tears sliding down her face, his own kings constricting at the news.

You couldn’t have. You couldn’t have.

Regret laces through his stomach, your face flickering through his mind. Of course you would. You would do anything for him and his family.

Storm coming, good husband

Bad omen

Dragged my feet right down the aisle

At the house lonely, good money

I'd pay if you'd just know me

Seemed like the right thing at the time

It had been a fools dream long ago that you would marry for love, nothing but a dream of a child that didn’t know better, hadn't let the world destroy her yet.

Now, you knew better. Staring at your soon to be husband, Festus Creed, with a small smile playing at your lips. You were trying to make it seem like you actually loved him, like you actually cared what he was saying as cameras flashed at you both. The light of it blinded you a bit, and you tried not to flinch while he merely laughed and gripped your hand tighter.

He saved your ass and the Snow’s asses. Playing pretty little fucking wife is a small price to pay. You remind yourself when he kisses your cheek. Just pretend. Smile and pretend.

You had sold yourself to Festus in the months that Coryo…. Coriolanus was gone. When you were barely making ends meet and his cousin and grandmother weren’t making it. You had known that Tigris sometimes sold herself to people that wouldn’t really know her last name, but she hadn’t ever been able to get the primary houses due to her family's nobility.

You could.

So, you offered yourself to Creed, a classmate of Coriolanus’ and one that he had warned you to stay away from. “A viper wearing human skin.” How ironic how things turned around.

You tried not thinking about Snow at all, tried to get his face out of your mind, but every time you got close to winning against your memory, he somehow managed to pop up. Every. Single. Time.

It had been months since that initial argument the day he returned. You had been a fool who planned on confessing your love to him, planning on asking him to marry you. Then he called you a gluttonous leech, and Festus proposed a week later. It should be history.

And yet, right on cue, you spot a light blonde head of hair making his way through the crowd quickly as you and your fiancé stand quickly, the crowd of cameras dispersing at the engagement party resumes its flow.

You tried not to sneer about the sheer amount of money these people threw at everything. Just a couple months ago you had been starving, and now you can only watch as dozens of tables were set up with ludicrously decorated desserts that wouldn’t actually be eaten. “Never eat the food in front of them. Makes us look bad.” Festus has told you before your first party with all of them.

“Might I go to the restroom really quick?” You ask him, trying to move around with his arm tightly wrapped around you.

“Of course.” He smiles, giving your hip a tight squeeze before his eyebrows pinch together. “Let’s greet Snow first. I’m sure your old best friend would love to see you.”

Wish I could say the same. You bite back the remark on the tip of your tongue with a pleasant smile, allowing Festus to lead you to where your old friend was finally cutting through people. He had a grim look on his face, he always did these days, and if you didn’t know better you would assume he was upset.

“Snow.” Festus smiles, “glad you can make it. I know game keeping has been keeping your attention these days.”

Something in your stomach clenches at the words, no matter how many times people spoke of it you still could not believe that he was helping with the games.

You feel his stare in the side of your head, but you keep your eyes firmly on Festus, playing with his hair a bit as you play the role of lovestruck girl. Festus glows at this, eyes lighting up as he looks at you.

Whether or not he knows you’re using him as an excuse you can’t possibly care, he likes that you’re rubbing it in Snows face all the same.

“How could I miss this…. Joyous occasion?” Every word is clipped, and you try not to roll your eyes. “It’s wonderful that you’re family is able to take the young medic in.”

You know the underlying meaning beneath the words, snapping to glare at him. A smirk slides onto his lips as his eyes spark with excitement, it takes you a minute bro realize you had just fallen into a trap he laid out. To get you to look at him.

“Well I’m no freeloader.” You bite out. “I’ll obviously keep working in the hospital.”

Festus barks out a laugh at this, hand tightening on your hip as his other moves to hold his stomach, pure humor on his face. “Oh darling. How outrageously funny that was.”

“How was that funny?” You ask, blanching a bit.

“You’re not going to work! How would that make my family look?” Festus laughs, leaning to kiss your lips. You try to kiss back, something tightening in your throat as a sharp sting begins to form in your eyes. Do not cry. Do not cry.

“I’m going to go grab a drink. Keep our friend entertained will you?” Festus smiles, squeezing your hip once more before moving to walk away, leaving you with Coriolanus.

You risk one look to him, already seeing that he was staring right at you, and take a small sip from the Champagne in the flute as you think about how to get away. You decide on “I do hope you enjoy the party. I’m going to make my way to the ladies room.”

And for a second you think you’re brilliant, turning on your heel to walk away quickly but he is fast, taking three easy steps and cutting into your path.

“I was hoping we could talk.”

“We just did.”

“Did we?”

“What do you call that whole conversation with my fiancé if not talking?” You put on an airy smile, and fear freezes at you at the sheer anger in his gaze. Panic settles in, and you stand straighter, choosing to play offense. “Besides. You’re the one that warned me to stay away. What was it you said? ‘Or suffer the consequences’, wasn't it?”

His eyes shutter but otherwise he does a good job of playing calm, using one hand to pull imaginary lint off his jacket. “I believe so. But maybe I’ve decided I was wrong.”

“You weren’t wrong.” You snipe. “I was a freeloading wretch and now I’m not. Problem handled. We can go our separate ways and never speak again-“

“Festus was the one that paid you, wasn’t he?” His voice is low, but his eyes are screaming at you as he leans closer. “To help pay for rent. It was Festus.”

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.” You did. And he knew it, which was answer enough.

“I’m sorry you-“but you’re gone, dashing to find the bathroom.

You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love

The slowest way is never loving them enough

Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?

Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?

The door to the Snow Mansion caught a little, letting some of the winter air in with you, your teeth chattering as you did your best to shut it. Managing to push all your body weight into the door to finally get it closed before you puffed hot air into your palms, the sack you carried heavy in your hand as you hear someone call your name.

Then he’s there, surrounding you in what little warmth he had, arms wrapped around you as you try to ease the shivers.

“Come in. We are burning some of mothers old romance novels for warmth.” He smiles, grabbing your hand and leading you to the fireplace where there were indeed pages from novels burning quickly.

“I brought this-“ you smile, holding up the bag of the goodies you managed to smuggle out of work. “It was someone’s anniversary and they had tables of food. I grabbed what I could before they threw it all out.”

A smile breaks out across his face as his cousin and grandmother both gasp and move to surround you. Before you know it you are all huddled close to the fire, eating quickly to try and ease the hunger, Coryo sitting close to you.

Once all the food is gone his grandmother retires to bed and Tigris goes to heat up water, leaving you with Coryo by the dying fire.

“I…. I always imagined small family dinners. Always wanted it for my own family, eating close together rather than a large table.” You admit, pulling your legs close to yourself. “Never did I imagine this though.”

“One day I’m going to get us out of this.” He mumbles, one hand reaching to hold onto one of your own. “And we will have that.”

There was that feeling of happiness rising in your chest as you looked at his determined face, leaning to kiss the corner of his lips softly. “I look forward to it.” And you believed he could make it happen, you truly did.

High infidelity

Put on your records and regret me

I bent the truth too far tonight

I was dancing around, dancing around it

You could learn to love him, you were sure of it. Somehow someway you would fall in love with my Festus, provide him a child that would inherit his families vast fortune and you would see to it that your kid never had to worry about starving.

You would rake yourself over coals before letting your child do any of what you had to do.

Like right now, fake moans filtering from your lips as Festus had his way with you on a random desk in a study room you did not recognize. Not that it was surprising, this family liked their secrets.

Once he was done he smiled at you, kissing you quickly as he fixed his pants and tucked in his shirt. “Fix yourself up. We have an engagement party to get back to.”

And with that he was gone from the room, leaving you to fix the skirt and sink to the floor, using the side of the large oak desk to lean on.

The sound of the door opening barely draws your attention, sighing out as you stare at the bookshelf, trying to piece your nerves back together as you always did after Festus.

“Are you alright?” The tone was a mix between your old friends comforting voice and the new Snows voice, and you tried not to roll your eyes.

“I’m fine.” You snap, your spine stiff. “Go back to the party.”

“I should be saying that to you.” He mumbles, moving closer and sliding to sit next to you. “It is your party after all.”

“Yeah? Is it?” You mumble, scooting over slightly to get away from him. He merely follows you, sliding right next to you once more.

Before you can yell at him he is holding out a cloth napkin, filled with those crème cookies that filled the tables out there. Macarons, Festus had called them. But you hadn’t had one. Rich people liked to starve.

“Come on. We both know you want one.” He smiles.

“Does it have poison?” You snipe, remembering the reason he had been sent away in the first place. He had given that Lucy girl an advantage in the games. Poison.

“No, not for you.” He smiles, like you hadn’t just completely tried to chase him off. Then he grabs one and shoves the entire thing in his mouth, making a small laugh slip from you before you bite it down, rolling your eyes. “Do you remember my 13th birthday?”

“No.” Yes.

He had stolen sandwiches from his school lunch and you had somehow managed to steal chocolate chip cookies from some party you had been working at. You ate together in the park, huddled by a tree so no one would see you, whispering all the things you wanted to see in the world.

“It was by far one of the best birthdays I had ever had.”

“One of?”

“Well my favorite birthday was the one before the war. I got so many gifts my parents made me a playroom.” He smiles.

You try not to let the words sting, what were measly cookies to a playroom. That was the life he belonged in. Luxury.

“You won’t be working then?” He asks after a moment of silence. “I always thought you liked being a medic.”

“I haven’t been an actual medic for long.” You sneer, you had only earned the honor while he was gone. Before that you simply volunteered every morning before your actual job, taking lessons whenever you could scrounge up money.

“A short lived career then.”

“What do you want me to say? My husband won’t allow me to work then I won’t work. It’s simple.”

“I would need my wife to work.” He shrugs.

“Why? You wouldn’t want a freeloader?”

“No. I would be running for president of Panem. And I believe that a medic for a wife would help my votes.” He states bluntly, eyes catching yours as your own widen.

“I’m sorry?” But he doesn’t respond, instead he holds out that damned napkin of cookies again. And you snatch one quickly, turning away the slightest bit to eat it.

“You’ll think about it?” He asks, eyes never leaving you.

“Think about it? There is nothing to think about.” You laugh, wiping sugar from the corner of your mouth before using the desk to help you stand and stepping over him.

Before you could fully escape his hands snatch your calf, pulling you down until you unceremoniously fall into his lap. “I told you to stay away from Festus. His family is not-….. he won’t give you what you want.”

“He’s paying my rent Snow. I’m just fine.”

“What happened to family dinners? Or the 6 kids running around.”

“I can have that with him.”

“Can you?” He lets you go then, knowing his words hit the mark when your face falls.

You leave the study, trying to pretend things are fine for the rest of the day, but his words cling to you like a skin of a snake.

High infidelity

Put on your headphones and burn my city

Your picket fence is sharp as knives

I was dancing around, dancing around it

You would have loved the atmosphere of District 12’s underground space, the dancing and music, laughter falling through your ears and the best of their dancing jolting down your spine with every stomp and clap.

Though he never understood your fascination with the districts back then, during the games he was beginning to understand slowly, and seeing this he could.

“Let’s go get a drink.” Sejanus laughs, pushing him to the bar as he imagines you twirling through, stomping and clapping at the right times.

It’s that night, drunk and a bit out of it that he lets the words he had been holding back for years slip. Sejanus had been grousing on and on about how he knew Snow was a good guy by the fact that his closest companion had been a young student healer rather than a Capitol clone and Snow tried not to bristle as how easy Sejanus laughed off your history.

You had worked for everything, and yet the man in front of him made it seem like you had chosen the healer life out of pity, rather than your hardwork and dedication.

Then the words slipped, “She’s a rare one and that’s why I love her.”

His friends eyes widen, and so does snow, both breathing in for a second before a wave of laughter fills them as Lucy’s voice fills the room.

Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?

Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?

You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love

The slowest way is never loving them enough

It had taken you 10 minutes to sneak out of the Creed mansion, and another 15 to walk to Snow mansion where he had asked to meet you.

He being Coriolanus, through a telegram sent directly to you earlier in the day.

The door sticks a little, just like it used to, but the rest of the place had been professionally cleaned and you kept to the front rug in the entrance so as to not drag mud in.

“What are you doing?” He asks, coming around the corner to look at you in the entrance. “I’m in here, let’s go.”

He doesn’t wait to see your panic at the clean floors, so you rush to take off your shoes before tiptoeing to the main sitting room he was in.

“You said it was urgent.” You mumble, looking around at all the papers strewn about. Some designs of outfits and dresses, some of creatures and set ups. “What is all this?”

“This, my dear, is the 11th annual hunger games.” He smiles, and you try not to shudder at how easy he says dear.

“Oh I see, you’ll be making the tributes wear extravagant gowns in the arena then?” You hold up a sketch of what looks to be an evening gown designed for district 3.

“Tigris will be styling and dressing them before the games now.” He explains, moving closer to you. “For if they wish to be performers then we shall let them. Give them all a fighting chance.”

“Like Lucy?”

He doesn’t answer, instead moving to pick up another sketch. “And now, once they are in the arena they will all wear the same uniform.”

“They won’t die in their own clothes?”

“They’ll die at the Capitol wills it.” He sneers, taking a second to regain his composure. “But this isn’t why I have brought you here today.”

“Okay….” He grabs your hand, pulling you to the desk and showing you plans and sketches. “I need your medical advice.”

“For?”

“For a poisonous sea creature.” You rear back at that, but he is quick to snatch your hand. “I just need to know how to prolong the death.”

“I’m not helping-“

“Please. I need you.” He admits, his hand still on you. “I always need you.”

“Coryo-“ it’s the first time you’ve called him that in forever, and he can’t help but rush to you, pressing his lips to yours quickly.

You kiss back, although your common sense is screaming at you to stop. And soon enough the kiss is deepening, and he’s shoving all the documents off the table to place you upon it, making quick work of stripping you down while trying to keep his lips to you at all times.

And you were ashamed to admit you found pleasure for the first time that night, allowing him to pull that pleasure from you over and over and over.

High infidelity

Put on your records and regret meeting me

I bent the truth too far tonight

I was dancing around, dancing around it

“He’s a mad man….” Festus mumbles, hand clenched on your knee. “A mad genius but a madman.”

He was right of course, you could do nothing but blink as the games unfolded before you, surrounded by his peers and coworkers as they all cheered and booed at the tributes.

You couldn’t pay attention, the gore beginning to get to you as well as the fact that Coryo kept glaring over at you and Festus from his podium in the center, eyes narrowing as a sneer coated his mouth.

You hated these moments, when you were anxious about the affair and when Festus was in the same room with the two of you. Don’t do anything stupid, you silently plead.

But when has Coryo ever played stupid? No. Everything he did was smart, three moves ahead.

“How about a wager?” He smiles to his friends, and you bite your lip. That scheming look not good.

“Yeah?” Festus smiles. “My moneys on district 2. Girl.”

Vivi, was her name. She had 2 sisters at home and was playing viciously. She would not win though, she had been bitten by a snake with slow killing venom, you would know since you helped Coryo make it.

“No. Money is far too boring.” Coryo smiles, ever the Capitol player. “How about we wager…… the healer.”

Festus freezes, hand tightening on your thigh in a searing grip that you know has Coryo seething under his calm exterior, those blue eyes lighting with a challenge. He hated when Festus was rough, which was more often than not.

Coryo preferred to be…. Rough in the sheets and gentle every other moment.

“You want my fiancé? Don’t you have whores for that?” Festus laughs, but there is no humor behind it.

“I don’t want a whore. I want a wife.” Coryo smiles, holding out his hand. “District 4, Mags.”

People begin whispering and smiling at the challenge, and you realize why Coryo had been talking too loud then, because Festus would look weak to back away now.

Festus risks a look to you, narrowing on your shocked look before taking Coryos hand. When the blonde walks away your fiancé leans in, “we will be discussing this later.”

After he won, if he won. He would make your life hell.

High infidelity

Put on your headphones and burn my city

Your picket fence is sharp as knives

I was dancing around, dancing around it

“Your mood swings make my head spin,” you admit, laying on the mattress lazily as Coryo sits leaning on the headboard, tracing his finger across your exposed back. “One moment you’re rutting into me like you hate me, the next your murmuring love sonnets.”

“Do the Creeds actually have money?” He murmurs, fingers dancing across your ribs. “Or are they pretending just as I had been for awhile?”

“They have money, loads and loads of it. So much that they burnt some of it for fun the other day to see how long it took to burn.” You mumble, keeping your eyes closed.

“Then why do you still look starving?” He asks, moving closer to curl around you.

“Because they only eat one meal a day, and it’s more of….. well they don’t like gluttonous people.”

“Surviving is gluttonous?”

“The rich have never made sense.” You admonish. “They starve themselves to prove they can, no sugar or dairy. No this or that. They don’t know hunger like we did.”

“I thought you were marrying him to stop that hunger.” He mutters, a bit of anger in it.

“I also have a roof over my head and warmth. There is more to it.” You sigh, not wanting this to be another argument as it was every week. “There’s nothing we can do Coryo. I get married after the games.”

“They talk about you like you’re a pet.”

“To them I am.”

Oh, there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love

And it's never enough, it's never enough

“So this is what he does now?” Festus sneers, whipping his tie off as he storms into his room, dragging you in with him.

The games would last another night it seemed, and Snow sent everyone out as he was getting ready for the big finish.

“He is making it all one big game. Placing wagers and gambling. It’s bullshit!” You try not to roll your eyes at his outburst since he had been all about it before Coryo called him out.

But apparently you still somehow rolled your eyes and his face falls into pure rage as he begins charging for you. Fear coats your system as his hand latches around your neck, cutting off oxygen.

Before it could get worse there is a knock on the door.

“YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS!” His little sister calls, turning on his screen to reveal the games, where many of the players are fighting a very large creature in the body of water.

“What is that?” Festus gasps.

“A sea monster.” You breathe out, watching with a small amount of excitement mixed with disgust as Mags plunges her spear into its eye.

Lock broken, slur spoken

Wound open, game token

I didn't know you were keeping count

Rain soaking, blind hoping

You said I was freeloading

I didn't know you were keeping count

But oh, you were keeping count

You married him on April 29th, a year later he ran for president and to no one's surprise he won.

You became First Lady of panem. And would of course bear tons of children.

He kept his promise, eating close together every night, making sure all his kids were well fed and never knew the hunger you both did. And when your youngest was blasted in the tabloids for her ‘pudginess’ Coryo made sure to send the writer and his family to District 7 and the very next year the oldest daughter of the family was chosen in the reaping.

You lived in constant disgust and amazement, the battle never ending.

You helped him come up with ideas for creatures and implemented healing and medicine into the games to at least give some of those kids a fighting chance.

“Remember when I warned you to stay away?” He asks one night, watching you from his spot on the bed as you get air at the window.

“Quite vividly.” You laugh, breathing in the night scent in his shirt as he lay naked save for a sheet. “Said I was a freeloader.”

“I was trying to push you away.”

“Gathered that.” You nod, watching him extend a hand before shuffling across the floor and climbing across the bed until you reach his hands where he pulled you in for a warm kiss.

“You are a freeloader.” He teases, his lips still against yours. “You owe me so much.”

“Oh do I?” You laugh.

“Yeah! You owe me a can of beans, never got paid back for that.” He smiles and you can’t help but laugh.

“I’ll go get the dirtiest can of beans, expired, and it will be just like old times.”

Before he can say anything else you are pushing to kiss him again, falling into his warmth with a hum and letting him drag you under the sheet.

(Yeah. It stayed in the draft because I never quite liked how the story worked….. something always seemed off. I rewrote this 10 times back then, but since I am releasing my old drafts this baby is out now. )

#coriolanus snow #coriolanus x reader #coriolanus x you #coriolanus smut #coriolanus imagine #coriolanus fanfiction #Coriolanus angst #Coriolanus fluff #snow smit #snow smut #snow angst #snow imagine #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #Coriolanus snow smut #Coriolanus snow angst #Coriolanus snow fluff #Coriolanus snow imagine

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my-rose-tinted-glasses · 4 months ago

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I'm watching too much stuff. And things are not slowing down with all the things coming in September. So I'm gonna try and keep this short. As much as that's possible given the amount of shows.

QL - Currently Watching

🇹🇭 4 Minutes [6/8] - Finally some answers. I haven't read all the theories floating around about this last episode and what it means, but I'm firmly on the side of, there is another alternative timeline, probably from when Tyme is dying at the start of the show, and also very much in agreement with everything @lurkingshan wrote here that these are just imagined do-overs and nothing will actually change in the real world. Which would be my preferred way.

🇹🇭 Addicted Heroin [2/10] - Haven't watched this weeks episode yet. My review for the first two is here.

🇹🇼 First Note of Love [4/12] - I like them a lot. And I like the pacing of this. I love the intro song. But with a second couple being introduced I think I'm gonna get frustrated having to wait a week for a 20 minute episode. I felt that way a lot during Kiseki.

🇯🇵 I Hear the Sunspot [10/12] - I am annoyed.

🇹🇭 I Saw You In My Dream [7/12] - May the boyfriend era commence. I am enjoying this one. I'm guessing we still have a bit of angst coming and I'm hoping for a good explanation for the dreams.

🇯🇵 Mitsuya Sensei no Keikakutekina Ezuke [6/7] - Just such an incredible show. This week brought the pain and I'm still unwell. As if Frito getting sick wasn't heart breaking enough, that ending left me in tears. I cannot believe we only have one episode left. I am not ready to say goodbye to the three of them.

🇹🇭 Monster Next Door [6/12] - My favourite thing about this is definitely Big. His presence on screen is great. But I'm not fully connecting yet for some reason.

🇹🇭 Peaceful Property [1/10] - It's a lot of fun. Yeah, I know it's not a bl. But it's bl adjacent so it goes here. Also in my head it's gonna be a bl no matter what. Possibly even with a gl side couple. The mind is a powerful thing.

🇯🇵Sugar Dog Life [4/10] - I love Isumi. I really liked that they didn't drag the girl storyline and it served it's purpose. Isumi is now very much aware of it's feelings. I'm looking forward to the date episode.

🇯🇵 Takara No Vidro [9/11] - Takara, my love. This boy has my whole heart. I can't believe I'll have to say goodbye to then tomorrow. I'm bracing for part pain, part happy. Please Japan don't let me down.

🇹🇭 The Loyal Pin [1/16] - I'm waiting to binge.

🇹🇼 The On1y One [4/10] - This show will hurt and I will love every second of it. I really like the look of this show and how we get those little insights into Jiang at the end of the episode. The actors are doing great and I specially love Benjamin Tsang facial expressions. I'm curious to see these two together and how their dynamic will work considering their circumstances. Also, always happy to see the revolving door of cameos Taiwan always grace us with.

🇯🇵Twilight Out of Focus - It's so beautiful. I'm enjoying that we get different couples even if sometimes it feels like we could have more time with them. I like Rei/Shion a lot, but I do miss Mao and Hisashi. 🇹🇭 The Trainee [10/12] - Just to get it out if the way, the Bamhee/Judy storyline was definitely the right call and @lurkingshan was right all along. Also the way the office came together was delightful and it's great to see Pah getting everyone together and once again being the best friend ever. Now. THE OFFICE FLIRTING!!! I was losing my mind giggling like an idiot. I love them. It's pretty obvious at this point that it's mutual and of course Ryan will need to actually be told that, but I still think Jane will wait until the internship is over before confessing or starting anything official. I can't wait to watch all the interns reaction next week. I love it here.

QL - Finished

🇯🇵 Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko! - I'm disappointed in this one. It started off so strong but by the end it lost me. I love Hiroko but I feel like they betrayed the character. And that ending with the kiss in the office was ridiculous. Actually most of the end was weird in the way that it seemed to contradict what came before. I like that they finally got together but it didn't feel as good as it could've.

🇹🇭 Century of Love - Started of great and imo fell apart by the end. I don't think it was consistent all the way through and the mythology was all over the place. Daou did an amazing job though. Also Ju is one of the greatest female characters of the year.

🇯🇵 Cosmetic Playlover - Pretty show. Final thoughts here.

🇹🇭 Knock Knock, Boys! - Probably the biggest surprise of the year for me. It's great. I like the development of both couples. Even if near the end I got a tiny bit annoyed with Peak, I really liked the conclusion of it all. Latte is a great character and the very rare slut unjudged by the narrative.

🇹🇭🇨🇳 Meet You At the Blossom - Look it's great that we got a chinese bl, but this was not it for me. Let's hope this one helps get others made though.

🇹🇭Love Sea - It was fine. I enjoyed Mut but in general I just never connected to this show. And Muk annoyed me to no end. I was so happy to see Aya again and now I just wanna forget that she was ever in this and simply remember her as Yiwa.

🇹🇭 SunsetxVibes - I don't even have words. I don't know if it was my lack of attention or if it never actually made sense but I never really got what the mythology was all about apart from inspiring a truly horrendous looking necklace. I was slogging though this one and I guess the finale was fine.

🇹🇭 This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans - The sides were great, their chemistry was on point. I really wanna see them again. The mains were my favourite thing about Pit Babe but I just didn't like them here.

🇹🇭 The Rebound - I just have to accept that MeenPing will always have bad scripts. They are pretty together but this was a mess.

Dropped

🇹🇭My Love Mix-Up!

Rose Watches OJBL

Pornographer: Spring Life | Playback | Continued Spring Life Finally finished the novelist. Final thoughts.

A LOT of stuff coming this month so if you haven't checked it out, here is the post with all announced upcoming qls for September with a couple of updates that I made today.

As usual my ask box is open. Have a wonderful week💜

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twig-tea · 6 months ago

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Twig's GL Recs for March-July 2024

[Here’s my rec list for GLs through to Feb 2024 ]

Fake Buddies Korean, YouTube, 7 episodes (one ep BL, one ep GL, one ep crossover, and then 2 more BL prequel eps and two more GL prequel episodes), approx 45 minutes when compiled, Apr 27-Jun 28 2024

At first this was a little three-part series in which it turns out both members of the couple are secretly in a homosexual relationship with their best friends and using the other as a beard. Lots of comedy of errors and puns (“I like lilies better than roses”) as the characters try to make each other understand the situation they’re in. The backstory prequels were really cute friends to lovers, and it was really nice to see these couples land in solidarity! This series is short and cute and pure fluff.

To the X Who Hated Me: YunO x Jane Korean, YouTube, 3 episodes ~6 mins each, aired May 22-29 [microseries complete, X who hated me series may be ongoing]

When the previous 2-ep miniseries under this umbrella landed (which I wrote about here: ), I had no idea it was going to be a series of microseries! These are all short but good second chance romances. This one has a “reality”-show-within-a-show format, with a frustrating misunderstanding, and a good kiss. Be sure to always watch past the credits for this series!

You Are My Star, Thai, YouTube, 1ep 37 mins (aired as 3 12-min eps and then they compiled into this one short film), May 18 [complete]

youtube

This was a cute Thai GL that I enjoyed mostly because of the very clear cribbing of specific scenes from recent BLs. It was mostly trope-y (both cuteness and drama), with good kissing. See if you can spot the BL references.

Xiao Xiang Yi Jiu, Chinese, YouTube, 7 episodes 2 mins each, May 20-June 3 [complete]

youtube

This little microseries is about a girl becoming an intern for her crush/idol. Happy ending, and they do become explicitly girlfriends! No kiss because censorship.

Lonely Girls Korean, YouTube, 4 episodes 8 minutes each (32 mins compiled) May 14 [complete]

youtube

This is about a couple that struggles with the closet, lack of communication, and how to make their relationship last in the face of uncertainty. Also there’s good kisses. SukFilm have done other series before and since, but this is my fave GL of theirs so far.

The Two of Us Deep Night spinoff, Thai, YouTube, 6 episodes, 15 mins each, airing May 30-July 4 [complete]

I was so confused at first, because I didn’t realize this was supposed to be their story during the events of Deep Night that we didn’t get to see. I was excited about this one but bummed that we started the miniseries with a health scare and then a threat by Meiji to marry some guy just to make Freya jealous? I found it a little frustrating that two women in their 40s could not be honest with each other. The couple is so cute, but the storytelling is not, so take this rec with a grain of salt. Still, it’s so nice to see women in their 40s being super cute and in love in between the drama so I’m keeping it on this list! I am very glad to have gotten the dance sequence and the bath sequence.

******

And of course currently airing right now so take with a grain of salt because i don’t yet know how they end, but

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko Japanese, 8 episodes, 25 mins, airing July 4- August 22 [ongoing]

This is a laugh-out-loud funny office comedy in which Akaya flirts desperately with her senior colleague at work, Hiorko, who then spends her evenings complaining to her friends at the lesbian bar about oblivious straights who don’t understand the meaning of what they say. I've written a little more about this show here. It is my favourite GL of the year so far and if it stays this good is on its way to being one of my favourites of all time!

The Secret of Us Thai, 8 episodes, 50 mins each, airing June 24-August 15 [ongoing]

This series starts with the cutest episode of all time and then devolves quickly into serious drama lol but it did a good job avoiding pure “noble idiocy” so I’m hopeful it will continue to hold up. As of ep3 things are happening that I did not expect, so I’m really curious how this one will go. In the meantime, it is also worth noting that these actresses are excellent kissers.

[UPDATE: Of these two that were airing, I ended up thinking I was going to have to retract for The Secret of Us but instead retracted for Ayaka Is In Love With Hiroko. I had way more fun with Ayaka week to week but the ending was really disappointing; The Secret of Us in contrast nailed the ending. I wrote about it a bit here. ]

#gl series #gl recs #media recs #sapphic media #typed so that i can stop thinking it #gl meta #fake buddies the series #to the x who hated me #you are my star the series #Xiao Xiang Yi Jiu #lonely girls the series #the two of us the series #ayaka is in love with hiroko #ayaka chan wa hiroko senpai ni koishiteru #the secret of us the series #Youtube

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welcometothejianghu · 3 months ago

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Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: ก่อนดอกไม้…บาน / 花开有时颓靡无声 / Meet You at the Blossom

Meet You at the Blossom is a 2024 joint Thai/Chinese adaptation of a Chinese danmei novel. Marketing itself as an "uncensored BL," it tells the love story of the world's dumbest boy and the absolute psychopath he has the (mis)fortune to fall for.

Note that "uncensored" doesn't mean you're going to see somebody's little blossom or anything like that. It just means that the love story is textual and canonical. These boys declare their love for one another. They hold hands. They smooch. They have soft, unfocused scenes where one of them climbs on top of the other and then everything fades to black. They are two boys and they are in love ... and sure, one of them thinks the other is a girl for longer than is probably reasonable, but what relationship doesn't have its share of misunderstandings?

This twelve-episode drama is a bodice-ripping melodrama with a bottom-barrel Harlequin novel plot. It is the most soap opera I've seen something that isn't a soap opera be. If you are the kind of person who enjoys this sort of thing, you are absolutely going to enjoy this sort of thing. If you're not ... well, it might still hook you anyway. Here's five reasons I think you should watch it.

1. Perfect toxic yaoi sludge

Do you only consume media about healthy relationships between consenting equals, where people have conversations and are always honest about their feelings? Great. Turn this off immediately.

Meet You at the Blossom is the show for people who yearn for the days of Kizuna. People who still think longingly about Zetsuai 1989. People who will not be convinced that Tokyo Babylon is anything but peak romance. People who have seen Gravitation more than once and of their own volition. People who have looked the trashiest yaoi out there dead in the eye and shouted BRING ME MORE.

I keep using the word "yaoi" because that's what it is. It's a gay relationship begun under false premises, consummated under sketchy circumstances, longed for despite serious reasons to stay broken up, and then all somehow worked out in the end. I have described the main pairing as, what if Wen Kexing fell in love with a labradoodle? Carried out to its logical conclusion, this relationship would be good for neither Wen Kexing nor the labradoodle. But for the purposes of a catastrophically badly paced twelve-episode series, it's all the dramatic fuel you need.

Nothing about their relationship is ever reliably safe, sane, or consensual -- and that's the fun of it! Look, the first time they fuck (in episode two!) is under the influence of sex pollen, and they come out the other side of it awkward but definitely not traumatized. I've seen people say they wish the show had treated the noncon bits with more gravity, which ... look, there's no noncon here. Actual noncon-wanters would be sorely disappointed by what this show offers. There's some impaired judgment and overblown irrational jealousy and aggressively pinning one's very drunk partner to the bed, but it's that kind of perfectly okay force fantasy that works in fiction, because in fiction everyone's okay with it. You know they're okay with it. The writer wrote it so they're okay with it. Everybody is getting exactly what they want.

This is a drama about people having Big Feelings that would be terrifying in real life, but are fun as hell onscreen. So you are promising me right now that if you watch this, you will not overthink it, because overthinking this show is like being that raccoon that failed at washing a piece of cotton candy. Don't try to clean up this delicate sugary mess. Eat it dirty.

2. Some fascinating faces

This is going to sound like such a backhanded compliment, but I swear it's not: There are some really interesting-looking people in this show! I can't swear this is because of the Thai production elements, but I have to assume that the different cultural beauty standards at work at least somewhat influenced the casting choices.

A thing about c-dramas is, the majority of the under-40 male actors look like their base model came off of one of the dozen or so approved production lines at the Pretty Boy Factory. While I enjoy these production lines, combine it with my natural touch of faceblindness, and I've had some hilarious moments where I have been certain two characters were played the same person, when they were in fact very much not.

This show is full of a bunch of actors you'd be hard-pressed to mistake for anyone else. There's like one guy who's conventionally c-drama handsome, while everyone else brings a lot more variety to the table than you tend to find in productions like this.

Li Le, when he's all done up as Zongzheng Huaien, is strikingly beautiful in a way that reminds me of old film starlets who maybe should've stopped about one nose job ago. I've seen pictures of him when he's dressed like a regular modern boy, and he's lovely, sure. But with the hair and the outfits and the constant haughty ice-cold stares he's leveling at people, the final look is stunning. And then he smiles and it's just the cutest goofy grin! Anyway, there's a whole big deal about Huaien's parentage, when the obvious answer is that the fey folk dropped him off and said, good luck with this one.

Meanwhile, Wang Yunkai, who plays Jin Xiaobao, has perfectly plump, kissable lips and a wide, soft nose that together with his giant eyes give him the perfect air of an innocent bisexual dumbass currently in the process of figuring out the whole "bisexual" part. He's so cute and cuddleable that you feel extra-bad when you see him in pain, which works for the show, because he spends a lot of the back half of the series being in both emotional and physical pain, as per conventions of the genre.

As for the rest of the cast, there's...

store-brand Huang Youming!

pouty Thai princess!

slimy kite dude and his terrible 'stache!

these precious dipshits!

...and a couple guys I just straight-up can't find pictures of, even though they're important named characters, because this may be the first thing they've been in? Look, this is not a show of well-known names, nor is it something that's probably to launch any careers to prominence. I'm not even going to say this is a show where everybody looks like everyday average people, because no! They obviously do not! They are very attractive people! They are just attractive according to a set of criteria you do not often see on Chinese television, and I think that's great.

3. You don't have to say NO HOMO every time you touch another dude

Really, truly, the greatest thing about an overtly BL property is how touchy men can be -- and not even the romantic pairings! Loyal servants get to hug their masters! Coworkers get to fall asleep in a two-man puppy pile! Childhood besties get to wrap comforting arms around one another! Brothers in arms get to catch their fallen comrades! Friends get to tearfully bid farewell to one another before leaving on journeys! Cousins get to embrace to the point one of the cousins really wishes they would stop!

Mostly it's that once you've removed the fear that gay shit might get your show censored, you can have your male characters engage in a perfectly regular amount of human physical contact.

Like, one of my favorite funny things about c-dramas is the amount of wrist-gripping that happens, as though dragging someone else along by their wrist is a real-life thing that happens often, or even at all. It's the perfect example of how paranoia about depicting physical intimacy leads to substitutes that are just bizarre. We can't possibly have these two people hold hands! So let's make up another gesture and pretend it's a thing people do voluntarily and (more importantly) heterosexually!

But when you've already outright put the YEP, IT'S GAY sign on your production, that paranoia vanishes. What are the censors going to do, get mad at the part where two friends are sleeping tangled up with one another? Three minutes ago there was a scene where one guy kissed another on the mouth! Let those boys snooze!

Alas that the scenes that are supposed to be sexy come across as mostly awkward -- largely because those two leads don't really seem all that keen on sticking their tongues down each other's throats, which, you know, I get; it'd be weird if I had to kiss my coworkers. But what they are good at is snuggling. I almost wish -- and keep in mind this is me saying this -- they'd cut the scenes that were trying to be horny and leaned more into the tender, playful moments they get together. Those are the ones that made me squeal happily and kick my little feet.

I have to mention this one: There is a little cheek kiss that I absolutely love. (I can't find a screencap of it, and my own attempts at screenshotting it were hilariously unproductive, but it gets played as part of gay flashbacks pretty much once an episode, so you can't miss it.) Huaien is being menacing in an attempt to be offputting, and Xiaobao is stubbornly refusing to be anything but charmed by it, and as soon as Huaien turns his head, Xiaobao takes advantage of the moment and plants a quick little mwah! on Huaien's cheek.

And it's SO GOOD. I said out loud, in that moment, do you know how many shows would be improved if one guy could just give another guy a little kissie on his cheek? It should be like how getting a PG-13 rating allows your movie one "fuck," but instead every c-drama gets one moment where a guy gives another guy a little peck. Not even on the lips! Like how Aragorn gets to give Boromir a farewell forehead kiss. Sometimes a scene just calls for a little kissie! Sometimes everything would be better if a guy could just kiss the homies!

You're thinking now of all the places you'd use your single little kissie in various dramas, aren't you? Yeah, so am I.

4. side pairs side pairs side pairs~

Yeah, main couple, true love, happily ever after, whatever. SIDE PAIRS SIDE PAIRS SIDE PAIRS [banging rhythmically on table]

You know the genre, so you know there's always going to be That One Guy that threatens to steal the pure-hearted one away from the psycho by being handsome, rich, well-intentioned, and generally emotionally stable. You also know it's not going to work, because no matter how much healthier that relationship would be, it's not the tasty toxic flavor we're going for here. Anyway, sorry, Su Yin, but you never left the childhoodbestfriendzone.

That bratty prince wants to fuck his cousin so bad. His cousin is not going to fuck him, not because of cousin status, but because the bratty prince needs to be tossed out the nearest window and not let back in until he can legally drink.

I was ready to ship Jin Xiaobao's two little guard buddies -- but no! The littler of the two guard buddies has his own love interest who shows up later in the show, and I'm so upset that there's not more of these two, because that's an unexpectedly hot setup. I'll say no more; you should enjoy this one as it happens.

Now, do not presume that this is a Kinnporsche deal, where fiction has created a magical world in which every man is at least a Kinsey 2. There are still straight men in this show (and a few men who clearly think they're straight but have not yet gotten the memo) who experience varying degrees of befuddlement about the homo drama happening around them. Most characters are at least casually anti-gay, but in sort of the same way you might expect a big cattle-ranching family to react if their son started dating a vegan -- it's not unthinkable or illegal, but, like, why?

There needs to be a word for a gentler state than homophobia. Something like homobefuddlement, a social condition where falling in love with another guy is about on the level of getting a face tattoo or naming your child Optimus Prime. There's nothing stopping you, but you know somebody's roasting your ass on Ancient Chinese Fantasy Reddit.

5. A budget of three dollars and a ham sandwich

I am firmly on record as being charmed by productions that make do with skimpy resources, and Meet You at the Blossom's resources are skimpy as heck. I highly suspect this is one of those situations where if they'd known it was going get the attention that it has, they might've put more money into it from the start -- but they didn't, so they didn't.

I keep coming back to "soap opera" as a description, because that's about the production level you should be picturing here. If you played this on a TV with motion smoothing enabled, the effect would be complete. Everything is done to the cheapest possible degree. Characters legitimately toss smoke bombs and disappear like they're anime ninjas, probably because renting a fog machine has got to be way less expensive than the rigs for wirework. That's the type of shoestring budget we're talking here.

The greenscreen is Not Good, my friends. I mean, not that you expected it to be, but however far you've lowered your expectations already, lower them more.

They got to borrow a brothel set for like half an hour. It's the most people you see in a single room at the same time, and it represents drunkenness by spraying raspberry soda over all the lights.

If I had a nickel for every time Huaien is in some terrible predicament that seems impossible for him to get out of, and then he shows up somewhere else like two scenes later, and we never find out exactly how he got out of that terrible predicament, I would have multiple nickels in my pocket, is all I'm saying.

You know, if my wigs/beards and wig/beard glue were that bad, I would simply refrain from frequent, intense close-ups of the parts where people's fake hair joins to their faces. And if my actors all had that much foundation caked on them, I would probably refrain from close-ups, period. But that's just me.

Actually, no, there's something else about the wigs: They're styled so badly that it actually wraps around (ha ha) to being charming. I'm used to wig situations where the topknots are combed tight and oiled into place within an inch of their lives. But here, everybody who has an updo has kind of a messy one? Especially little Jinbao, where you can see the ends of his ponytail stick out the back in a scruffy fashion, giving him the vibe of a little ragamuffin who's never learned how to do up his hair quite right.

There's a plot, sort of. It's basically the thinnest possible series of excuses for the action in the show to happen, told in occasional five-minute bursts of exposition given by characters you forgot about between now and the last time they appeared. Don't worry if you can't keep track of which prince is which, or who is whose dad. Man, there's even a "curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!" near the end that's played up as some big shock, and I was like, have we met this dude before? I think pretty much every time the grownups started talking, we stopped paying attention. Look, I know this is based on a novel I haven't read, and I'm sure the plot comes off better when it's all packed together in a couple of pages of dialogue you can skip without consequence on your way to the boy-kissing, but in the show it just comes off as perfunctory and clunky. From what I've seen, people who've read the book tend to be way more into the intricacies of the narrative, but I haven't, so I'm not.

(Wait, in the novel, Jin Xiaobao is supposed to be fat? Well, now I feel I've been robbed! ...Eh, it's fine, I'm not sad to skip a sequence where the side benefit of trauma is that you get skinny.)

All this, to me, is charming. If you demand higher production values from your entertainment, this will not be what you want. If cozying up with some low-budget tomfooloery with a big heart feels like comfort food to you, you are among friends here.

And speaking of friends, let me strongly recommend that you watch this with some, if you can, because there are parts that are just begging to get riffed on. I would not have had a tenth as much fun watching it alone as I did goofing my way through it with my wife. It is a show that is only improved by the jokes you make about it along the way. It has no dignity, nor are you obligated to treat it as though it does. Cuddle up with your buddies, grab your favorite snacks, and sharpen your shadiest claws.

Want to meet this show somewhere?

It's conveniently up in a lot of places! Pick your poison:

GagaOOLala

WeTV

iQIYI

Viki

YouTube

Look, I'm going to say it one more time for the people in the back row: This is not a serious, thoughtful portrayal of healthy relationship dynamics. If you expect it to be, you will be sorely disappointed. It is a tale of a bunch of dudes (and, like, two women) whose emotional volume knobs are stuck at eleven and emotional intelligence doesn't go above a two. Go into it knowing what you're getting into, and you might just have yourself a pretty good time.

Get that little kissie!

#meet you at the blossom #myatb #花开有时颓靡无声 #ก่อนดอกไม้...บาน #rec post #i made this

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