#i really wish i made better stuff. but thats not even really true most of the time

[2leggedshark]

I feel like I don't make serious enough or creative enough art to talk about creating anything

[mellonieee]

Mellonie does FOP + A New Wish Analysis: 1

This is what a week of AC and Antifairy brainrot has led to. After this I think I’m going to actually watch through the entire original series from the Oh Yeah! Shorts all the way to Season 10. (Hopefully I wont hate it too much.) And then rewatch ANW again once it hits streaming for the full FOP experience. And also so I could maybe do more of this analysis stuff, its fun.

Plans for later aside, this and any I do in the future, will only use episodes the character actually appears in, and not ones that they are merely mentioned in. Its also important to note that I likely wont use all the episodes the Character appears in.

That old black magic is the introduction to Anti-Cosmo, Anti-Wanda, and the Anti-Fairies as a whole. They’re described as “Regular Fairies, but anti.”

This episode establishes a few things:

1.Fairy magic cannot interfere with Anti-fairy magic.

2.On Friday the 13th, Antifairies escape from Fairyworld and cause bad luck. Antifairies are naturally drawn to anything that triggers bad luck to happen.

3.Antifairies can only be seen by humans with anti-fairy goggles.

4.Antifairies are opposites of their fairy counterpart in personality. AW is “incredibly stupid and eats with her feet.” AC is “not an idiot, in any matter once so ever.”

But what’s really interesting about this episode is what Jorgen and Anti-Cosmo have to say about the anti-fairies.

“No one is allowed in Anti-fairy world!���

“You see, we’ve been trapped behind that blasted barrier for centuries.”

Jorgen, you cant just imprison a whole group without expecting any problems. Its no wonder they wanted to escape so badly. Is causing bad luck something, well, bad, enough to warrant the imprisonment of an entire race? The anti-fairies arent good at all, obviously, but they are biologically made to thrive off of bad luck and negative energy. This really muddies the waters when it comes to seeing this as a solely ‘black and white’ situation. Most, but not all, of what AC does is for the antifairies. He’s evil and chaotic by nature, but he’s not evil evil, yknow.

There isnt really anything else noteworthy to say about that old black magic outside of this, but I did notice that AC knew Timmy’s name despite the fact he never met him before that point, somehow. I merely brush it off as a minor goof and just figure AC mustve made a lucky (haha) guess, but if you want a crazy theory to explain it, then maybe anti-fairies share vague recollections or memories with their fairy counterparts. I dont actually think thats true, but theres your food for thought.

The second appearance of the antifairies, The Gland Plan instantly ditches the entire ‘antifairy goggles’ thing, which is honestly for the better, even if I do think it made anti-fairies more unique. They are sadly never getting the invisibilty thing back.

This episode establishes that the faggigly gland is a special organ in a fairies body that allows the fairy to change shape, and that both fairies and anti-fairies have one. Fairy biology in general is really questionable, especially if you factor in the angel forms from A New Wish, but thats a topic for another day.

A few things to note:

1.This is the start of that “Hello, Clarice.” quote that AC and Foop/Irep use. Its a reference to Silence of the Lambs but its a misquote anyway because Lecter never even says hello to Clarice.

2.AC claims that he cant see a thing without his monocle. If he isnt lying about that and isnt using the monocle only as a symbol of prestige, then he has really terrible eyesight and is most likely completely blind in one eye.

3.Despite AC calling his wife a twit, he prefaces it by saying that he loves her very much. Most instances of AC talking to his wife does include him being typically annoyed when she messes with his plans, but outside of that he acts courteous towards her. (“Chin up, my beloved Anti-Wanda! Your savior, Anti-Cosmo, will have you all free presently!”)

4.The more questionable line is when Anti-Cosmo and Cosmo are having the operation and AC claims that if he does live, Cosmo should take his wife. Needless to say, AC words things very poorly at times, but this statement does have them acknowledging that an anti-fairy and a fairy could hypothetically be with one another’s counterpart.

“Cosmo, old friend, since we both carry a piece of each other inside of us, I see no reason for us to do battle. But I warn you, don't look for me.”

AC doesnt hold that much ill-will towards Cosmo like how I figure most would expect him to. He seems to be fed up and annoyed by his counterpart’s foolishness, but he does not despise him.

Right as the episode ends, Timmy brings up the idea that maybe more than the faggigly glands got transplanted. There isnt much evidence to support this outside of the brief voice change Anti-Cosmo and Cosmo had, but I’m starting to think Timmy was right considering how Anti-Cosmo acts in A New Wish.

I dont know if AC and AW retired like Wanda and Cosmo did, but I feel like AC’s very obvious decline in intelligence is a likely theory as to why Irep now seems to be in charge of the anti-fairies as shown in A New Wish.

I frankly can’t see the New Wish Version of AC leading the antifairies compared to how he acted in the old show. Not when he now thinks leaving a cage unattended is a “good idea.” That isnt something AC would say at all if we’re going off of his original characterization. It’s interesting to think of a reason in-universe as to how he went from “not an idiot, in any matter once so ever.” to someone who definitely is not as smart as he use to be.

[ffakeplasstic]

my thoughts/rambles on ofmd s2

spoilers ahead!!

it was realy great but way too fast. i wish we had more time to see developments of other characters like frenchie or roach etc. instead of just stede and ed (don’t get me wrong blackbonnet is so cute). the jim and archie, olu and zheng thing also felt kinda random? and really rushed. unlike in s1, where there like almost an equal amount of screentime for most characters which made it really enjoyable to watch. as well as izzy’s character arc, yes, it is good but idk it just felt so rushed. also, stede and ed’s making up and breaking up also felt rushed like dude, you break up then read a love note and suddenly you’re like omg im in love w you again and i completely forgot abt all the shitty stuff you said to me when we broke up!! if they had more time or like another episode, it wld make the season even better.

izzy. since s1, i alr loved izzy sm and this season i loved him even more lmao. his character development was so sweet but like i said earlier, very rushed. there is definitely much more room to explore and develop izzy’s character rather than just abruptly making izzy’s attitude change if that makes sense?? also, killing him off (which actually made me cry) made his entire character arc and development feel very cheap and ‘wasted’. his death was also really abrupt and rushed (i guess?), in which after he passed, he was justed buried and then forgotten? by the crew. tbh i wld think they wld show some angsty montage of the crew but i guess not. also like my ouizzy dreams didnt come true.

i seriously seriously wish there was more frenchie screentime. maybe im just biased but him in s1 made it so fun!!

overalll, s2 was honestly not as good as s1 due to how fast paced and rushed it felt, as well as how it felt extremely centred arnd stede and ed only. however, i still really love this season sm, its so heartwarming and sweet but it can’t beat s1. also i really liked the ending of s2, it was super cute :)) thats it!

thanks for reading my nonsense! im not sure if it even made sense but yea, those are my thoughts! :)

[metavandetta23]

nobody is going to read this, so I am just gonna put it out there warning: rambling from some fucking guy ever. you have been warned.

life sucks, blah blah blah, but instead of just complaning about that, how about I give you bit explenation as to why. so sit down there one of my 121 followers. If anyone of you read that is and not just clicked follow on one art I made and buzzed off (no offense there, just saying.) Okay so you might ask, why now out of sudden i blow like up that. Here is the answer: See, I have been doing creative stuff like, be it art, writing, music or whatever for past..... lets say 4-5 years. As you might guess, some of these ventures didnt pan out in the end. i mean, its given. It happens. Let me mention some of the things I tried over the years. I tried making a homestuck comic on mspa when I first started doing creative stuff. I managed to get pretty far compared to most projects I will mention, but I didnt finish in the end. Why? I got burned out, because I worked on it full non stop. Then I tried having a cool rp campagin session with pals from discord server I known. That ended in tragedy, especially after one of them out of fucking blue, send a fucking gore of dead person. None of us expected this to happen. Earlier I tried music, couldnt do that thing earlier unless you call "music" by swapping midis with shitty piano font. Well, atleast it didnt end up with a gore.

Then I tried working on some ut aus. Did it even work? HAHAHAHAHAHA, what do you think? Ofcourse, not. Didnt peak interest, because I didnt capture interest basically. Anyways this goes on and on. Deltarune au there, some another rp server there and there (one turned into glorified horny rp out of college setting that I tried initially, pal if you are reading this, sorry but this server just sucked ass) I think you might start seeing a pattern here. You would think eventually. That being "Gee meta, thats sure lot of failures, you must have atleast succed one time BIG right?" Haha, no. Okay I did manage to finish some of my stuff but like. really really low bar stuff. so essentially in the eyes for everyone, nothing. See, most of the failures from these projects came from me doing solo. You would think me teaming up with someone would help? Not really, unless I literally pay them money for it, tough fucking luck. Out of 5 years of me doing creative shit, only 4 people helped me out that I recall. they couldnt helped me out for long in the end, but i appreciated for them when they could. all rest of people? Fucking went ghost and then I was left alone, figuring this shit out myself. It isnt fun knowing that you put trust in someone, only in the end to be alone in this in the end. I wish I was so fucking talented, creative, witty or self efficent as the people i asspire to, the artists i admire who make works of artm writers who can write witty, fun but touching stories. I wish I could be at thier level, so I could make great works of art. But atlas, I am not. I dont seek glory or fame, even if it would be nice. No, I just want people to enjoy creating what I make, to feel like I have impact on the world, that people can share with. to make connections with. Look in the end I am just 20 year old guy from europe, that isnt much good at anything, including social life, apperantly. Only thing I am good at is pixel art, but just barely. I am very much uncreative person. and unconfident and rather hopeless one these days, despite how much I try to hide in fake smiles.

I dont have much better way to end this sort of ramble, besides mentioning tobys recent post from spring newslettter and my view on it. "There's times where it feels like your hopes and dreams are simply slipping away from you. That the things you wanted to achieve are floating away from you in the sky while you lie there, fallen in a crater, your wing torn off, never to grow back. Bitterness grows, and you feel like you may never leave the ground again.

But

That's not true.

You can still fly.

Even if you lose a piece of yourself, even if it feels like you can't get up anymore, you can. You can fly with one wing. You can fly without any wings."

Can you really even fly, even if you feel like a part of yourself was torn off? That it happened right before you could even took off. No matter how much you struggle, scream and rage. You can still never to be able to fly like others, much even take off from ground. No matter how much you try. You feel shackled to ground, to the bones of earth. While you look towards as sky, as other people dance in the air beyond your wildest imagination. Its so beautiful, yet so out of your reach. Cries of helps can be heared coming from you from miles in the air. But they all fall on the deaf ears. Or maybe its just out of bliss ignorance? You cant say. You want to join them, join them so badly. To feel like you could finally be a part of something greater. To feel like you could belong somewhere. To be cared. But you just cant. It wasnt meant to be made. Resentment grows inside your soul. As that feeling rots inside you more and more. Part of you wishes this feeling to be gone, to never be felt. But the other part, says otherwise. It wants that liberty desperately, looking with its green eyes at them. Why they? Why not me. Why not me at all!?. You just want what they have yourself. It grows inside you more and more as you allow it to. You eventually consdering tearning off other people wings. Even if you cant ever fly agian, doesnt mean you should be the only who suffer like this right? And why do they deserve to fly, anyway. They would be better off without that, you think. Plus, even in this state. You know you can do this option. To cripple someone, just to make yourself feel better even if its only for a moment. But then you realise. If you ever would reach to that point. Whatever drive you initally, would be just gone. In fear of your insecurities and weakness. You decide to lie up, instead. Rendering your shackled and vulerable. Locked inside, with no way or out. Perhpas in the end.... Its better if you dont fly at all...

[yooniesim]

any suggestions for becoming a sims based blog? I used to do it back in the hayday of sims 3 but it's been YEARS and I still absolutely love making sims, but I'm too shy and nervous to interact with the community ;;;

hi nonny! this is a complicated question that I'm not sure I'm the best person to ask lol but let me try it out. I think I'm gonna separate it into two parts for ease of reading. And sorry if it's a bit more cynical than you probably expected. I've just learned a lot i wish I had done from the start, lol. So here we go.

Sims content

Post whatever tf you feel like. If you love making sims, post the hell outta them and don't worry about what anyone thinks. There's no one perfect type of content to appeal to everyone; the community is made up of a million smaller niche ones. Editors, sim makers, gameplayers, storytellers, cc makers, etc. If you're passionate about it, you'll find people that love your posts. So don't worry too much.

Don't get too hung up on editing, if you want your pics to look "better" then use gshade/reshade and/or simple psd actions to your liking. Don't let it get stressful cos it ain't worth it. If you don't enjoy editing, don't do it at all. (I wrote more about how I edit & make it easier in this post)

Try your very best not to worry about notes. I know it's hard. Everyone wants their stuff to be seen, but when it comes to engagement on here, you're aiming for quality over quantity. A few awesome mutuals commenting on your stuff is way better than 600 silent likes. Also, having more attention sucks bc it brings the vile swamp rats out of their holes to see what shit they can stir up. The brief serotonins aint worth it. Just aim to find a few cool ppl to talk about your sims with cos thats all that matters.

If you want, find bachelor/ette or similar challenges ppl are doing and submit sims for them. And once you get some mutuals/followers, open sim requests so you can make sims for people. It's super fun and awesome to see your sims in other people's games! And you don't have to talk too much if you don't feel like it, but it's an easy way to get involved with others.

Social stuff & safety

Comment on peoples posts often if you like them. Engage with ppl. Reblog posts you see you like but don't really have any reblogs. I know you said you're shy but, this is most of the way to actual have mutuals that enjoy talking to you and comment on your stuff as well. You can just not talk if you want but it'll make it harder to have any engagement unless you're really good at edits or cc making.

Don't get involved with drama/discourse, it means nothing and amounts to nothing. If you're going to boost someone else's post, look into it first and look for evidence that it's even true before you reblog. If people hate on you in your inbox, block the anon and don't respond even to laugh at them. Block anyone that gives you bad vibes. They look at you funny, breathe wrong, use a color you don't like. Block. If anyone tries to start shit with you, block & completely ignore them & don't comment on it. It hurts, but there's nothing you can do about it, and people will move on if you ignore them.

Don't reveal any personal info about yourself on here or to anyone in DMs. Don't use your real name. Don't have anything connected to your other socials. Don't trust anyone on here with your vulnerable emotions, past trauma, etc. And don't say anything in DM you wouldn't feel comfortable with everyone else on the internet potentially seeing.

If you pledge to people on patreon, be aware that your email will show up on their end when you do. Dont use your real name as your patreon username.

If simblr is causing you stress, you feel like your mental health is suffering, take breaks. Log off or delete the app for a while.

And... I think that's all I can think of for now. If there's anything else detailed you wanna ask about feel free. But these are just my general thoughts. Good luck, nonny :)

[scentofpines]

"have you ever considered...that identifying out of woman/girlhood because you don't relate to the societal implications, expectations, etc... contributes to making womanhood (feel) even more restrictive?"

i thought your post on this was very interesting. ive identified as lesbian most of my life, but have been recently wondering if the identity of trans man fits me better. your post is making me wonder if i only feel this way because my true self is labelled "[gender] non conforming." im a pretty rebellious person most of the time so i am hesitant to think id be submitting to the gender binary if i transitioned like you suggest.

the thing is, i know there are gnc trans men (even though i wouldnt be one), so it does seem to me that even within transgender identities, gender expression still exists separate from sex. id just be trans because i wish i was born with a penis, not because im gnc as a woman.

but idk im really conflicted over it, and would like to hear more of your opinion since your aforementioned post caught me so off guard and further added to my self-questioning

Hi, thank you for your message and your honesty! Sorry my reply is so long but this is just such a big and complex issue and also english isn’t my first language, so I often struggle with finding the right words.

I think due to the way societies across the globe treat women, it is already very hard to be born female and not struggle with your body at some point or another and it is even harder when you are a lesbian as that is kind of seen as „doing womanhood wrong“ because a lot of the stuff that is conventionally labeled as „feminine“ or „womanly“ is centered around gaining male approval and as a lesbian this tends to either not be important at all or less so than it is for heterosexual women (i think the male gaze or whatever you wanna call it is so deeply ingrained in women from their childhood on that it can even affect lesbians in the sense that we’re trying to indirectly appeal to men even though were not even attracted to them but thats a different topic).

The wish to transition very often affects gay people in my experience (before the rise in media attention to transgenderism it was in my experience mostly gay men that transitioned and even now with females i think the percentage of gay girls/women that want to transition is waaayy higher than that of heteros) and I think the reason behind that has a lot to do with societal aversion to lesbians (and gay men too). I have heard from both trans women and detrans women that they believe their transgender journey is linked to trauma that they experienced (partially due to their homosexuality).

You wrote that you don’t think that you would submit to the gender binary by transitioning but in my opinion you would still strenghten the concept of gender itself. What is it that makes you want to transition in the first place? You said you identified as a lesbian most of your life, what changed? What made you start questioning this identity and what made you think that there was something about your body that needed to be changed?

If i understood correctly, you said that you want to transition because you wish to have a penis. There are many reasons why someone who is female would wish for that from shits-and-giggles-reasons, to practicality (like peeing standing up lol), health struggles with their female genitalia, internalized disgust about them, generalized resentment of their female body parts etc. As I dont know your personal situation I cant really have an opinion about this, however I do not believe into the narrative anymore that trans people have been „born in the wrong body“. For a long time I believed this because I too struggled a lot with my female physique, breasts, etc and could empathize with this notion. But then I realized that this would imply that our souls/brains have a sex and this is soooo sexist. This sentiment was used for thousands of years to oppress women and I hate it lol. „L’esprit n’a pas de sexe“ has already been said by Poulain de la Barre in 1673 and it holds true. No one is born in the wrong body, especially if your body is completely healthy and functional. Just like no one is born with the wrong nose or skin colour, no one is born with the wrong sex. It is the circumstances (beauty standards, racism, sexism, etc.) which people grow up and live in that make it feel as if that were the case. THESE CIRCUMSTANCES NEED TO CHANGE, NOT YOU.

I know having a female body can be so fucking hard and it can cause so much suffering and resentment but there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. You say you are rebellious and I bet that‘s true but the most rebellious thing to do as a female is to radically accept your body and fuck all expectations that society places upon you because of your sex, all stereotypes, ideals, etc.

Now you say you wish you had a penis but as said above, I think there is a reason for that wish forming in your head. I dont think anyone is born hating their sex characteristics and wishing for the opposite ones. Maybe you can work on finding out that reason (maybe you already do) and resolve it. I know that body dysmorphia and dysphoria can become so horribly bad that there are cases where a transition feels like and maybe truly is the only way out (I still dont think someone is born that way, but in some cases the damage to the way you perceive your natural body is already done and so bad that no amount of therapy and inner work can repair it, at least not in a "timely" manner), but from reading your message it doesn’t seem like this is necessarily the case for you.

It is great that you keep questioning yourself on this matter and seem to really think this through btw! I’m sure you are aware of this, but a transition (obviously) has tremendous effects on your body and mind and even some changes from HRT are hardly reversible (the permanent voice changes in ftmtf detransitioners for example and way more serious complications that can and do often happen) and especially the penis that you desire is hardly achievable. Even the absolute best results of srs for ftms are neither functional in the way a natural penis is, nor do they look like one. Depending on how bad and persistent the dysphoria was before, the result may or may not be satisfying. If complications arise, and they often do, they can be catastrophical.

One advice I would like to give might sound a bit harsh but I mean it lovingly and it is that you shouldnt even care so much about yourself or rather your identity. I genuinely never think about what my identity is or what label fits it and it is very freeing. I dont shave anything, I have very short hair, I dont ever wear makeup despite my features absolutely not fitting the current beauty standards, I wear exclusively comfortably clothes that mostly arent considered very feminine, etc. etc. but this has ZERO effect on my womanhood because me being a woman just puts a word to the fact that I’m an adult human female. I havent always felt that way and it still is hard sometimes to exist so contrary to the female societal standards but what really helps me is to see other women who do the same, sharing thoughts like your wishing to have male genitalia with women who felt the same and overcame it and are happy now with their bodies. So generally speaking: Stop revolving so much around yourself. You are capable of sooo much, you are literally a witness of life, you are consciousness, you are on this earth to observe and feel and create and do and experience and not to constantly wonder about your identity. Just BE. (I’m not quite there myself yet lol it takes time).

Ok I really rambled here and I hope this is at least somewhat coherent. No matter how you decide I really wish you the best and hope whatever you choose is the right path for you! Have a nice day <3

[craske]

I don't want to sound pretentious when i say all this (and this ended up being really long??), but i really do think you don't need to uphold your online presence so consciously, or even at all. There's nothing wrong with being "inactive" because trying to show up for everything is some sick standard social media made up. Maybe it might be difficult to uphold an idgaf personality, but i can say from my experience it could be better to try a little bit at a time. I can say that they really do mean it when you can have quiet admirers, from my experience all the more. Maybe they're too shy to put silly tags when they reblog or just put a like on your post. And I don't think you have to worry too much about sticking to one piece of media and be afraid the people following you won't like you anymore for posting different content. At most, I just believe they won't really care enough to unfollow you or stop engaging entirely. The most important thing to me is that you stick around doing the things you actually want to do, even if you're just showing up every month or so, or black out for a year or more. Because the people who do care will be overjoyed to see you whatever you post or share, especially when you come back after a long time. It really is discouraging when you don't see that actively, maybe because we're so used to seeing numbers that relate to our worth. But i like to imagine we're waving at each other from a distance or smiling through a window, as horrid as online landscapes can be nowadays. I know i'm running my mouth here but i just wanted to share my experience because i um. 🙋 also think youre really cool and awesome and i love whatever work you do and the fact you share it is an amazing thing enough i feel privelaged and youre humor is funny and whatever new stuff you post is just introducing me to things i'll also think is cool down the line and i really do wish i can share my appericiation more and evolve from being a quiet admirer /inhales/ 👍 i would say this is a sort of love letter from the gas station but i also mean it as kai 👋 i hope you're doing well in uni or that it gets better soon or in whatever it is youre doing now. and whether or not youre online, i hope youre doing the things you enjoy 🫶

okay i needed some time to figure out how to respond to this ask because theres a lot (in a /pos way dont worry) so ill start off with saying that i really really and i do mean it Really appreciate what you said here. Especially lately, ive been struggling with being active online outside of small spaces where there are just me and a few other people. might be me feeling overwhelmed when i say something into the void with a high chance of no response, though i wont fault anyone for that. i myself know interaction is scary so i do get it. ever since i started using the internet ive stuck to my small online bubbles so yeah interaction kind of intimidating online

and though i agree it does feel discouraging to sometimes see no feedback or much of a reaction, i try not to be bummed out about it myself because im also a silent admirer of many artists online. so like ive said before i do understand that sometimes people are shy and dont interact directly and theres no pressure really to change that. just the idea that there are people that like what i make is really nice, even though i suffer from the same issue that maaany other artists have and i need to actively remind myself of that.

about sticking to one fandom its a very recent but big issue to me because ive been DEEP in the persona pit for like 4 years, and i certainly built an audience around that. i know there will always be people that stick around no matter what but despite that theres always that nagging feeling that maaybe things will crumble. obviously thats not true but human mind fucking SUCKS

as the final note ill say it again that your message means a lot to me and i thank you a lot for it <333 im soo flattered by your words and they made my past two days, thank you soo much

[pwblogarchive]

August 2003

August 4, 2003

3:53 pm

“i got a Mil in the bank and i'm still in the grime.”

you wish you knew what was going on. and thats okay cause so do i. i think we may be going to the U.K. soon. drama across two continents. oh yeah. i have finished the new harry potter book. and contrary to everyone who talks shit. it was great and really sad. we should have a bookclub and talk about it.

August 4, 2003

4:16

“I Only Write To Get Inside Your Head”

hey. sorry this one is so late. the last couple days have been pretty crazy. it started out hot and late on saturday. my sister woke me up when were supposed to be leaving. so i pull up late as usual. we make it down in time to eat some icees and check out some bros in white hats. pretty hilarious. there was an RV behind the stage that was airconditioned for the dudes in my band that are so white they are almost see through. i however do alright in the sun so i went out and braved the outside hang out. when we hit the stage the problems started right in the beginning. my bass was tuned like permanently to drop W. the kids rocked though and we got it on anyway. the barrier between us and the crowd was something insane like 6ft. so everyone jumped the barrier during “chicago is so two years ago”- it made that sing along go how it’s supposed to. it was perfect, exactly how i imagined it should go. the Q101 security freaked out and started trying to drag kids out and threaten us. so we asked kids to just go back down and told them we would come to them. the rest went without a hitch and was completely off the chain. ha. i met a ton of news kids and someones super hot mom hit on me. all in all it was a great time. didn’t get to check the spin doctors but i bet they smelled/sounded like a bunch of dirty hippies.

i will write a bit about the other show later.

status report: new songs are coming along great, you will be excited. we may be heading over to the U.K. alot sooner than we expected and we will have some exciting stuff to announce soon about October. what i’ve been rocking too lately: new saves the day, new dashboard confessional, Mos Eisley, 50cent, and Madball.

oh yeah, most importantly i have finished the new Harry Potter book. such a sad ending. come up and we’ll chat about it.

true love never dies. peter wentz

August 5, 2003

11:49 am

“Your Skin Speaks To Me And Admits Where You’ve Been (Even When Your Mouth Does Its Best To Refuse)”

wake up. put the dogs out. commandeer an entire box of count chocula. send away for the free franken berry shirt. write about all the fakes that drop my name and lie to my face and love to talk about me behind my back. email. nap. get ready to go out to eat with my mom. where is my tour tonight?

August 5, 2003

3:33 pm

“i wish i was as invisible as you make me feel.”

you used to call me-you used to call me a friend. you hate fakes (you are one). i know you're reading this (i'm sure you tell everyone you don't). you probably don't think it's about you. but it is. i never was anything but nice and sincere with you. i guess you don't get what you give. you only get away with talking about me cause i let you. just so you know i play dumb- but i know how it goes. the joke is on you. you know who you are.

have a great summer.

August 6, 2003

“Keep Quiet, Nothing Comes As Easy As You.”

wrote a new song today. it feels good to be at it again.

i’m leaving on a jet plane.

August 7, 2003

“Everyone Is A Taker Or A Giver But Noone Likes To Think Of Themself As The First.”

hey. we’re back out. we’re in love. i wish i was in love. peterpeterpumpkineater

August 8, 2003

2:39 am

“i've seen wounds that look better than this friendship ever did”

sometimes when i read things it gets my mind going too fast. sometimes it makes my tongue move too quickly and its easier to sit back and soak every word in spite than to try and figure myself out. "you guys have changed" i have heard too much lately. i have spent the last 6 months of my life in a van- i haven't changed. what goes on here has. roll call: if you are really my friend i want to try and make the time to spend with you next time i am home- for the record your friendship (you all know who you are) means more than i could ever express to you.

otherwise run your mouth and don't pretend like thats not all you have. (you wouldn't have drama if you didn't make it, could you live without it). stop lying to yourself. i know what you are, do you?

August 10, 2003

10:05 am

“You’re Sleeping With Your Light On Like You Want To Be Found Out”

got back from three days. it was great being out again. i ripped my pants, boxers and ass on andy’s drumset. it hurts. i am icing it as i surf the net. we are gonna work on some more new songs tommorrow i will let you know how it goes. we leave for the radiotakeover tour on tuesday, so we are just getting geared up for that. we should know within the next two weeks what M2 and Fuse think of our video and shiat. my recommendation for the week is that you go and buy the new giveuptheghost single. i don’t know why i even bother try to write after reading what wes has to say. ill leave you with that:

“our love is all that we’ll ever have

boys and girls, guys and dolls

you were finding faith in bathroom stalls

and broken beds

spring fractured spines

fall for the right kids

at all the wrong times

and in a world of sluts

we keep the wet dream alive

yeah, our drought is drying out

you go nowhere in a nowhere town

and no one’s listening

to the sound of breaking down

and breaking out is just wishful thinking

we’re taking walks around the hearts

and homes we’ll never own

desperate and true, thinking of you

borrowed and blue, sinking with you”

August 10, 2003

11:15 am

why do i do this to myself?

i don't get why you don't see how much of a joke you really are. you project all of your hatred for yourself on other people. you're tongue works fast and hard one of these days your self-esteem will catch up.

i won't waste anymore time on this.

thanks for teaching me how to feel cheap and shitty.

i just figured i would return the favor.

August 13, 2003

1:10 am

“The Smell Of Rain On Hot Cement”

we’re in iowa. tonight was a blast. we rocked our first night with spitalfield, with help from our good friends in the lifestyle.

oh yeah. www.straylightrun.com it will help you medicate yourself. its john nolan from TBS’s new band. you will love me for hooking up the love. Pete

August 13, 2003

1:11 am

“one day you will love me.”

medicate yourself. john nolan from taking back sundays new band: www.straylightrun.com

August 15, 2003

12:22 am

my fist versus your teeth

friday Q101 8pm- we're up again. listen and vote. 773 591 8300. thanks if you already did.

August 16, 2003

1:02 pm

“our drought is drying out.”

so many mixed feelings. the past dangles over my head. i miss you. broken down in a library in montana. listen to q101 on monday at 8.

peter

August 19, 2003

1:15 am

“i am that gasp of breath on your deathbead (stale and panicked) but you're still dying for me”

i got a list of things in my head that i miss about you. id love to write them but i dont want to give myself away to you this easily. this fall is going to be great i think. if its not than my plans simply arent working.

you are a boomerang, you'll see.

oh yeah keep voting.

[celestie0]

hello ellieeee!!!!

your responses always have me crying ngl!!! somethings you tell me are so precious to me that they make my day, iloveyousomuch!!!

kisses for you here 💋💋💋💋💋💋💋

i’m sure you’re the most fun person to be around in real life, at least id be having the time of my life with you.

i hate kaito and i love for writing him so despicable and annoying. i aspire to write a character like him the way you’ve done.

it’s one thing to let people know about our experience and it’s a whole different level of evil to pull them down to your level of failure because you’re insecure and jealous. kai falls in the second category.

nobody else could tell??? i’m sure they didn’t point it out like me. hopefully, i always panda kun to be recognised!!! he’s my favourite character in jjk. i love pandas in general.

it’s fine, dw, after that ending you don’t have to worry about getting a counsel to represent you for my emotional distress!

reader and geto are giving a very tough competition to kickoff!gojo. but ykw i love gojo, he’s my sweetheart. the love of my life. the apple of my eye. ishouldstop.

no because youve done justice to canon!gojo in this sense, their approach to grieving is similar, except kickoff!gojo is less unhinge and dare i say it: more swoon-worthy. i wanna be like gojo at compartmentalizing and yk just…ive had multiple public breakdowns in uni and i’m so very embarrassed by them, i wish i was more like kickoff!gojo in dealing with them. yk where he calmed himself down for our dear reader? like that. i’m still so impressed by that one scene. it’s so close to my heart. i wish people in my life do that for me. calm down instead of bursting out.

ur so emotionslly intelligent my love and ur empathy is enouhh to make me tear up 😭 ppl in ur life must feel so safe w you

you’re the only person who’s said this to me, and god im smiling like an idiot WHILE tearing up. you’ve no idea how much this means to me, itd get awkward if i start ranting about it. BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

thank you for sharing kickoff with us! it literally makes my heart melt and heals me.

i read it with stuff going because it heals me. kickoff has healing abilities. you are just not aware!

you’ve all my prayers and vibes for yourself!!!! you’re such a wonderful soul to have around (even virtually). i appreciate all of you 🥹

it’s so sweet of to be writing and entire character representing her. it always warms my heart when people love their best friends so much and actually make sure that everyone knows that!!!

STOP MAKING ME FLUSTERED!!! IM FLATTERED AS I AM HOLYSHIT I LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT READING THIS AND GRINNING LIKE A CAT!!!! ILSYM!!! YOURE THE SWEETEST OF ALL!!

🫶🏻💌

hiiii bb YOUR responses always have me crying pls 😭😭😘💋 i feel like i’d lov hanging out w you too haha 🤣 its giving picnic hangout on the beach w champagne vibes LOL

and yes very true ugh kai is despicable but i really hope he wasn’t comically awful 🤣 i realized in writing ch9 how fkn difficult it is to write a sort of gray character (until theyre revealed to be horrible) idk how a lot of authors/show writers do it

aw girl i hear you ab those university breakdowns 😭😭 the amt of times i broke down crying in my car pls 💀 i think my lowest point was when i full on started sobbing in the library it was so embarrassing🧍🏻‍♀️i also started crying in front of my professor once during office hrs n he didnt know what to do n just handed me a box of tissues 😭 i wanna disappear……but thats besides the point lol. yeah compartmentalizing can be useful sometimes but i think it’s super healthy to let emotions out too for sure :”) but no fs if only i had the composure of gojo in that scene in certain cases haha. it’s like blondie in this is me trying “my words shoot to kill when im mad” thats so me 😭😭 i shld be better ab that

AWW ofc ab the comment u highlighted n also for sharing kickoff :””) im so happy my words made u happy, i really mean them!

and aaa yes my friend isnt even a jjk fan bahaha but she said she’d read kickoff if i started posting it so i had to tribute her somehow 🤣 plus i use her for reference for a lot of the film major stuff so it was the least i could do (lol sort of funny note but when kai mentions working shifts at a movie theater bc he thought a director would notice him……my friend has actually done that LMAOO i kinda roasted her for that 💀💀 yikes)

OFC MY DARLING I LOVE TALKING TO U N BOUNCING FEELS N IDEAS N EVERYTHING OFF OF YOU YOU’re SUCH A JOY <333 ilysm i hope u have a wonderful day 😚💕

[almxndrekitou]

hmhm

since this is my little garden filled with plants made of my vents and random thoughts i will talk now

ahem ahem

life has never been like this

life has never felt so distant and so close

i cant smudge off a certain watermelon flavored kiss and some sweaty handholding

i certainly can’t smudge off the pain of knowing there is possibly no security to my future

i cant erase the look on his face as he spoke to me about it all

it never felt like this

i feel so alive and so whimsically numb at the same time

my mind has started feeling like the entirety of the universe

i want to hold him close to my heart,

i miss him. i don’t know how much more i can take.

i wish i could i could do a job, earn money, feel good about myself, feel like im a valuable piece to this capitalist world 

it all still feels like a fever dream, it feels like im in a deep sleep, perhaps im near the end of my existence and my delusions only have gotten worse since

because, how could any of this ever be happening?

it cant be true

it shouldnt be the reality of the situation no

maybe my denial only increases the intensity of it 

and when im feeling like this i normally imagine his hand caressing my skin, it used to be so selfish before but now.

now it feels like his heart only beats for me and it sounds so narcissistic i hate it

but youd believe me if youd hear how fast his heart ran when i kissed his palm

i feel so overwhelmed

and all i can do is push myself to go forward and never look back because yesterday’s locked in yesterday and i have only today, i want to make the most of it

hold onto every moment

selfishly try to contain it all like sand in my palms

its so... weird

i dont know

im too young i think

i have experienced nothing

especially my childhood, i want the sweet days back 

but where do i find them?

i feel horribly lost 

and unstable

i promise ill get therapy as soon as this all gets better

and

i dont know

but

i like him a lot

and its him i like, not his company or hand or his warmth

i like him

way too much

why does he have to be so considerate all the time?

like jesus im not even that great why do you even want me

and he said to me that he doesnt care about any of that, he said that he wants my chaos

i wonder why

i wonder what he really likes in me

maybe my persistence

i keep coming back and i keep asking things that barely bother me

and maybe he likes some part of it

i cant even look him in the eyes sometimes, i feel all of my thoughts when i do

its kinda insane yeah

and 

i feel so cosmic when i touch his scars and his bandages

suddenly all i feel is love and i want to hug him all the time

but thats not possible so im hugging a giant bear plushie

which is practically the same thing except i miss his yapping that i kinda like a lot

but seriously though, i have no one to talk to about stuff like this, mainly because everyone would reply with some sort of emotion that ill end up correlating it to the topic which i dont like doing but it happens subconsciously and ewwdhwdd

anyways so i was saying

sometimes or most of the time i like going on and on and on about things i like and no one listens, everyone reciprocates

he doesnt though

he just giggles with me and listens so well, he just stares at me and listens to me going on and on and on for hours about something

he cares for some reason

why does he do that

i hate him

fucking loser

i wanna kiss him on the mouth lol

[ohleander]

2.9.23

Ive been in freeze mode for a couple of days and it kinda has me a bit shook. I'm still trying to learn to keep myself and body calm but my hormones definitely feel more out of control than I'd like. A little over a year ago I thought to myself that taking testosterone might be a good option for me but I also wanted to understand my body and my baseline better before I made changes to it.. I try to respect and understand my body for what it is, but sometimes I do want to change things. I often find myself feeling the best when I have more testosterone in my cycle and less so during the other parts of my cycle. The other parts are where I feel absolutely out of my mind and I cant take it, I've read where a lot of people who start taking T feel better and more "normal" and I wonder if that would be true for me. I'm kinda interested in a low-dose to start with. I also often feel sooo disconnected from my physical body, though I try to have respect for it as well. I wonder if I'll ever get to feeling okay with myself. I still crave so much external validation. Still learning to give it to myself. Learning to not give everything I have to others has been intense. Keeping things for myself is certainly a practice.. But here I find myself holding onto so much that I either don't want or don't even realize. I still find myself shaming myself over certain things. Its silly and I'd like to keep letting go. I'll most likely always feel a bit unsure. I'll most likely always feel a bit uncomfortable. Is that my baseline? I really want so much more for myself but why don't I feel like I deserve to go after it? Why do I feel like me taking up space will take space away from others? Why do I think making room for others instead of myself is more valid? Isn't there room for us all? That's a mindset thing I'd like to change.

I don't know why all of this serious self reflection always flows right out of me. I'd like to write about other things sometime but things just don't flow so easily like they do when I think of this serious stream of consciousness stuff.

Right now I really am just kinda taking it one day at a time.. I can only do so much.. and as always I feel like I'm bracing for something big that's coming next. Its hard for me to feel okay when I feel like I cant keep up with the modern world and it makes me not even want to try. I've still got to find another way. Another way that's more effortless.

Also these days I'm feeling more clueless.. I reckon thats fine. I'm really looking to simplify my mind.. I thought it was my duty to be the wise wizard type, the nurturer but lawd.. the minute I try, it feels like something I dont want to do. I think its my self destructive tendencies.. why actually succeed and risk being a hated fool when you can self sabotage and stay ~ in control~ of your vibe, amiright? I also fear that when I'm not paying attention others will point out something I didnt see and I'll feel so dumb.. and maybe thats okay.. I fear my boss coming in and telling me I'm not doing enough.. I fear the unpredictable rejection.. unpredictable rejection is a tender core wound of mine..

I find myself faced with learning all the things I did not get during my formative times.. learning all the things and ways in which I fell short and was fallen short.. its easy to blame the parents and the way you were raised.. nurture and nature are both important. I'm still coming to understand my nature. I wish I could see myself as a valid person who can be seen in this world but I just want to nestle back and be as opposite from the vibe as possible. Modern life has you feelin guilty over NOT sharing your life.. I dont have anything to hide, I just dont really want to be SEEN so much.. just by the right people.

I'm allowed to dream big and I'm allowed to be absolutely grand and silly with it. I believe I am worthy of my biggest dreams and dreaming big is not selfish nor does it take anything away from anyone else.

LA

[not-equippedforthis]

AWWWW wish we had heart-shaped lollies, those sound so cute akghskga yay for bouquet!! <33

you have to pay even if you dont go?? what the hell?? most of ours are mandatory, specifically the subject-specific ones, but some (like the skii trip) are optional and open to everyone. if you cant go you dont have to pay i dont think? idk what happens if you dont go actually

ayyyy free ticket! i feel you though, theres nothing to really? see? i feel like there used to be a big movie to see every year but now almost everything in the cinema feels really dull. last time i went was to see across the spiderverse (THAT MOVIE IS INCREDIBLEEE) and super mario bros cause there was a cheap deal and a friend invited me along. we usually just buy snacks from tesco and sneak them in cause its cheap LMAO (why is theater food so expensive?? im not paying 5 quid for a bag of popcorn)

ohh man, im sorry to hear that. it sucks when everyone feels like theyre drifting away :[[ i have a pretty close circle but even that feels smaller and weaker lately - people are going with their SOs or just finding other people. its difficult :/

yesss, true: theyre simultaneously harder and easier to maintain i feel. im in a server of online friends that used to be really lively but now its honestly kinda dead: we still talk sometimes but it was so much more active a few years ago :[

!!! <33333

AAAAA thats such a good idea!! i should start taking pictures too! ive been really wanting to make friends with crows for ages now? theyre very intelligent and remember your face and sometimes bring you things, id adore having a little crow friend. shame is theres not very many on my street or garden :[ theres a little robin that comes to our garden often though! maybe if i see the guy i can get a photo

aaaaahhh, i see i see. for us you pick your destination anywhere and it prices based on that? theres different train companies but its roughly all the same really. london is split into zones, and you buy a travelcard based on which zone youre going into and that also accounts for the tube line. its pretty expensive too but i looveee the underground and trains so i love taking them (when i have the money....)

SAMEE!! a large portion of my closet comes from charity shops: i just have better luck finding stuff i like there? also, sustainable!! i got a really cheap little kalimba from a charity store recently :]] you can find so many silly little trinkets its great! i have experience w crochet and basic sewing but ive never made clothing before, that sounds really cool!! ive considered it

MOTION SICKNESS GANG i feel you, i cant sit backwards on trains or i feel sick and i cant read in cars either akgbsng. also god yeah theyre LOUUDD. if you ever visit london prepare yourself for the victoria tube line (its light blue on the map). you cant carry a conversation with the person next to you cause the entire tube is screeching at you

BIG HOMODJFZ godddd, england has some of the worst place names too. theres a set of roads called 'upper dicker' and 'lower dicker'. if you look on google maps at england for 2 minutes youll find at least one town with a stupid ass name. wooden overcoats made up an island called 'piffling' home to 'piffling vale' and if that isnt the most accurately british-

im gonna have to look up big homo on google maps later- i gotta see how small this thing is. as a brit i am accustomed to tiny shitty ass beaches. i actually dont know much about belgium to be honest (my only....association with it is that poirot is belgian....thats it really) so i might have a little nosey around to see what its like <33 i love faffing about on google maps its my favourite wasting time activity DJBGSG

hiya <3

how are ya? i like the new theme :)

i cant really think of another question to ask rn, so just tell me about anything you want? (or not if you dont feel like it ofc)

HELLOO!! <333333

thank you so much!! i love changing it around skfbsng

iii have been incapable of talking without mentioning wooden overcoats (new podcast i started listening to a week ago and have almost finished) because its so underrated and silly and heartfelt and hilarious and charming AUGH i love it so deaaarlyyyy it ssooosoosso

how have you been??? i also cant think of questions FJGBSN but i want to know anything

[tsarinatorment]

Yk, I really loved your analysis and I'm so glad you agree with everything ive ever thought about., especially the voice related stuff.

Anyway, alot of people don't talk about this but i have thought about this for a while, yk given that will is insecure and thinks so low of himself and never acknowledges his achievements ot how powerful he is I feel like him having impostor syndrome is plausible.

Also ik he has insecurities but I dont necessarily think they are about healing its obvious, like one this that sticks out to me and I would talk for hours is when will was soo so reluctant to glow and did not like that apollo was proud of it and was prumpy throughout the trogs thing. I feel like he feels like a joke cuz there's everyone out there summoning skeletons and creating giant waves and there's will who can just glow

(Mind you this is his perspective not mine I don't think it's just a simple glowing, there's more to that power, I've talked about this before)

Like he is skilled and powerful but I feel like no one takes him seriously, cuz he's the most non threatening, non combatant person at camp and while he is powerful its not "showy" ifyk what I mean?

And being a night light makes him feel like a joke like it is a good power but I just feel like it just goes back to the whole sunshiney goody two shoes happy go lucky softbean will narrative and noone takes him seriously and make jokes about him glowing so given his insecurities and the way he reacted upon asked to glow I dont think the idea is not plausible.

(I just wanna give him a long warm hug and tell him how great he is)

Also with the ability vs skill thing since its all abilities he inherited from his father, I dont think he is ever proud of himself for all the stuff he does, like he could go, "I didnt work hard and get the skills it was just granted to me, I didn't do anything to be worth it". And that one line in TON where he would rather have apollo be proud of him for getting top of the class??instead of glowing?? Thats what made me think if it.

So even no matter how powerful he is and how skilled he is and my many ppl he saved! he still thinks he's not good enough and not worth it and not skilled enough (I'm just a healer is what he says) this is very obvious with his insecurities and it could also be a possible lead to impostor syndrome(its very common in people in the medical field)

Also IT IS CANON that ultrasonic whistle in not the only musical talent he has, it was stated that it is one of his few musical talents

I'm sorry this is so long, I just don't find ppl who are as passionate and invested about Will solace like me in this fandom that often.

I love your writing btw

Oh hey, wasn't expecting to wake up to an essay in my own inbox for a change, nice :D

Will certainly has insecurities by the bucket load, which is very sad but very true. It's primarily shown to us in this passage:

‘I agree,’ Will said. ‘I wish I was a better archer … I wouldn’t mind shooting my Roman relative off his high horse. Actually, I wish I could use any of my father’s gifts to stop this war.’ He looked down at his own hands with distaste. ‘Unfortunately, I’m just a healer.’

It's interesting that despite what he says, though, Will does exactly that - he is the one to stop the Greco-Roman war, using his ultrasonic whistle, which neatly proves his insecurities wrong here and shows him as far more powerful and versatile than he gives himself credit for.

His thoughts about being "just" a healer are understandable, though - his job is primarily after the battle is fought, picking up the pieces of the demigods that (to his mind) could fight and sticking them back together, but being reasonably useless until someone's already hurt. You could argue this was increased back in TLO, because Will would have seen Michael fall. It's never stated (but then again, even Percy doesn't see him fall), but considering all the Apollo kids barring Michael are off the bridge and Kronos himself is bearing down on them... all the surviving Apollo kids would've been watching. They couldn't afford not to be. So Will's seen first hand how quickly a life can be taken, and that no matter how fast or good he is, he still fails to save the most important people to him (we don't know where he was in relation to Lee when Lee died; it's unlikely he was in the fight itself, but regardless, those giant clubs are nasty and Lee's death would've been instantaneous).

Does this translate into imposter syndrome? I am a little hesitant to put that label onto him because something about it doesn't quite seem to fit for me, but there's certainly some indications of a similar mindset, even if it's not the syndrome itself. One of these is how Will talks about the powers compared to how his siblings do.

"My father's gifts", he calls it in that moment of self-depreciation. Not my abilities, or even my talents; he calls them gifts, as though they're not really his, or even as though he thinks he's been passed over entirely for some of them while Apollo chose to lavish them elsewhere.

In contrast, we have the way Austin and Kayla talk about them in THO:

“But you’re mortal?” Kayla asked. “As in completely mortal? Does that mean I’m going to lose my archery skills? I can’t even qualify for the Olympics until I’m sixteen!” “And if I lose my music…” Austin shook his head. “No, man, that’s wrong. My last video got, like, five hundred thousand views in a week. What am I supposed to do?”

My. They have no doubts at all that the abilities they have are theirs. They're aware that they inherited them from Apollo, and they're worried that somehow they might disappear if Apollo dies (in Kayla's case she's literally worried that she, born literally of Apollo, might disappear), but they have no hesitation about claiming their abilities as their own.

(Interestingly, the one time Will calls an ability 'his', it's when he's being derogatory about it. "[...] a truly awful whistle", he says - the one thing he claims as his is the one potentially destructive ability he's showcased that people complain at him for.)

Will's reaction to Apollo's praise about the glowing reads to me like a little bit of shame (because he's comparing it to all the other neat demigod powers he's seen and "oh gods, all I do is glow, really?") but also just straight up insecurity - which Apollo sees and does not rise to the bait of.

‘I’m so proud,’ I said. Will’s face turned the colour of sunlight shining through a glass of cranberry juice. ‘Dad, I’m just glowing . I’m not graduating at the top of my class.’ ‘I’ll be proud when you do that, too,’ I assured him.

Remember that Will, as a demigod, is ADHD and dyslexic - while that doesn't automatically mean he can't be top of the class, it does make it a lot harder to do, so in this instance he's giving Apollo an out of "here's an example that you actually ought to be proud of... even though it'll never happen," because he doesn't actually believe that Apollo's as proud as he is. And yet, Apollo's response is instant, unwavering faith - "when you do that, too". (Obviously, Apollo is currently lacking his foresight abilities, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's forgotten what he has seen, and the confidence with which he says this might just be him reassuring Will, but also empty reassurance is pretty dangerous to do for someone whose self-esteem is so low, so there's a decent chance that Apollo remembers seeing that Will will do that.) He completely turns Will's self-depreciation around on its head like "you're amazing for this, you'll be amazing in the future, you're amazing whichever way we slice this so take the compliment."

And yes, Will is grumpy/unimpressed about the whole trogs thing - it's not just the fact that he's being viewed as a convenient light source by the trogs, he's been vocally opposed to the entire encounter from start to end.

But something I find interesting is that, for someone who's embarrassed about it and reluctant to do it in the first place (and honestly, I get the feeling that Will discovered this power by accident, probably when being dragged around dark places by his boyfriend, and was so embarrassed he never even showed it to anyone else), when we see him again in the tower - he's glowing.

He doesn't need to be glowing in the tower. There's plenty of light around, no-one's been struggling to see. His glow is also being described as bright, this time, rather than the subtle descriptions Apollo applied earlier. This is Will Solace, child of the sun god, using the light to show exactly who he is, and that's such a marked change from his attitude earlier where he was reluctant to turn on the glow even when it was pitch dark and the others (even Nico) needed it to see. This is Will being proud of what he's got. He's showing it off here, really - and the only reason I can think of is that Apollo gave it a solid mark of approval. He got affirmation about this particular ability from Apollo, Apollo explicitly told him he was proud of him for being able to do it, and that seems to have boosted his confidence in it.

I just feel like it just goes back to the whole sunshiney goody two shoes happy go lucky softbean will narrative and noone takes him seriously

This bit I'm gonna disagree with, though. The fandom, from what I've seen, packages Will into this little box (I've seen posts going around about him being exactly this), but in canon there's no evidence at all that he's not taken seriously by his fellow campers (or, actually, that Will is happy go lucky - he has strong morals and does not back down in the face of disagreements or conflict. Look at his interaction with Travis about stealing in TLO, his scolding of Annabeth about breaking the chariot in TLH, his scolding of Nico in BOO, and Apollo in THO; a consistent character trait right from his first appearance is that he's not afraid to stand his ground/disagree with more powerful/older/generally feared characters). In fact, he's probably well-respected in camp.

‘She’s right.’ Will Solace, head counsellor for the Apollo cabin, put his hand gently on Clarisse’s wrist. Not many campers could’ve done that without getting stabbed, but Will had a way of defusing people’s anger. He got her to lower her dagger.

Will has Clarisse's respect. It's shown here, where she doesn't lash out at him (unlike her interactions with Michael in TLO), it's also heavily implied in the fact that Will delivered Chuck - Clarisse is incredibly protective of Mellie and it's Will that she let near her in her vulnerable state. Not because Will isn't a threat, but because Clarisse trusted Will enough.

He has Nico's respect before their BOO encounter, "the camp's best combat medic", he has the respect of all the head counsellors in that meeting (not one of them interrupt him or disagree with him).

He has Annabeth's respect - she backs down and apologises to him even though she's still very wound up about Percy being gone and the Jason hint being a bust.

Hell, he has Dionysus' respect. There are very few demigods whose names Dionysus gets right - Will's is one of them, on more than one occasion.

I'm honestly not actually sure where this "sunshine goody two shoes happy-go-lucky softbean" fandom take comes from, unless it's literally taking one or two lines and twisting them a long way out of context, because that's not the Will we see in canon at all.

I'm pretty new to this fandom, and honestly I stay away from most of it because a lot of the Will takes I've seen around I don't agree with but I also refuse to get involved in anything that might start spiralling into drama (made that mistake in other fandoms, not making it again) so I only lurk on the edge of this one, and that's where I'll stay, but I did latch onto Will and find him fascinating to poke at and see what makes him tick, so I'm always happy to talk about him :D

I am glad you enjoy my writing, though! My plan is to be here to stay at least for a while, and there's a sore lack of Apollo&Will content, or even just non-Solangelo Will-centric content around on AO3 so that's mostly where I'm foreseeing hanging out (although I am also dabbling in Solangelo because while there is a lot of content for that, I find the way it's often portrayed to again not actually go with the canon we have, and as the old adage goes, "if you can't find something you like, write it yourself." So that's exactly what I'm doing!)

[pen-observing]

request: how lucifer, mammon, satan, belphegor and diavolo react and find out about you having 'I now own your soul' under the terms and conditions of a webpage.

Lucifer:

While Lucifer is certainly busy all the time, and tries to balance it by having you in his study as he works, he can’t hide how tired he has actually been for the past 4 weeks.

All you know is that Diavolo has made the meetings more frequent and they are taking a toll on him

And since he means that much to you, regardless of if you wish to acknowledge it or not, you have to ask what is going on once he stands up and walks over to reach for another bottle from his shelf Lucifer does not drink that often and he certainly doesn’t try to avoid work by drinking.

Just what could be making him act this way?

“Lucifer, you have to tell me what is going on.”

He stands on his side of the desk just pouring another glass down.

Curse him for being elegant and showing his forearms while doing so!

And then he dares to look at you with full focus and furrowed eyebrows and he is about to say something and he looks like-

‘no. You are human.’

Fuck.

“Come on! You know I won’t tell anyone!”

He does trust you at least after so long.

"Very well. I will tell you since it has something to do with a human. If, by any chance, you spread the information, the price you pay will be a heavy one."

He can’t intimidate you that much but you know when he is serious.

"You see, recently, Diavolo has had more issues than ever with someone we like to call ‘code soul stealer"

“Uhn,, and that is?”

He takes a sip of his drink and holds the glass while looking at you.

“Apparently, a pesky human added ‘I now own your soul’ in their terms and conditions on a web page and some application. With this, they have stolen many souls and Diavolo has grown even more concerned these past few weeks since the page is just gaining popularity.”

Oh fuck, oh fuck. Thats you that he is calling a pesky human! You only did it as a joke because you saw a meme! It wasn’t supposed to make an enemy out of you to the prince of hell!

How are you supposed to tell Lucifer that? How will he react?

Maybe if you do tell him it will actually create more good than harm?

Or, you could hide it for the rest of your life and- no! The honest way with Lucifer is the best way. He trusts you enough so you have to trust him too!

“Lucifer...I am the pesky human you are referring to...”

He drops the glass. 

“I swear I had no idea souls were actually real and now I own a lot of them! O-On the good side I went viral 4 weeks ago so...oh, that is why you’ve been so busy....sorry.”

Lucifer says nothing.

He just falls into the chair in the most dramatic way you’ve ever seen.

He covers his face with both hands and groans into them loudly.

If you were not ‘code soul stealer’ you would laugh at him right now. But he has to figure out a way to protect you now.

Mammon:

You see, dating Mammon means that you two will bicker plenty.

However, it is usually silly stuff that you bicker about like; are gold or silver lines better on this cup of tea or not?

He just loves you too much to get into a serious argument with you.

However, Levi dragged you both to play a spy/heist game that just came out and Mammon cannot accept to lose such a challenge.

He is not proud that people call him thief, but he is proud and believes he has the skills to back up his many enrichment-plans

So the fact that you won against him for 3 times in a row is UNNACCEPTABLE under this dark, dark sky.

Mammon denies it all. ‘i went easy on you’; ‘I did it cuz you are happy when you win’ and ‘please, don’t you know who I am? I am THE Mammon!”

And while he is cute while bickering, sometimes it becomes unbearable.

So, you do what any normal human would: you challenge him by listing your biggest ‘heist’ ever.

“You don’t know who you are talking to! I have created a heist unlike any other! I have stolen a million souls so far! The DevilTV refers to me as – unstoppable soul collector!”

Levi left long ago so Mammon is standing there completely stunned with the stupidest look on his face so far. He kind of looks like a blowfish.

Still, he runs and puts a hand over your mouth and whispers:

“Don’t yell! We don’t want others to know that we run that business!”

Excuse him? Who is this –we- he speaks of?

“You will add your boyfriend to those plans, won’t you?”

Mammon will not let shock stand in the way of money or souls. You can explain to him how you managed that later but for now – just add him as your accomplice.

Satan:

You love your boyfriend.

You really, really do.

You love seeing him so excited and focused on finding clues to the newest Devildom mystery that you chose to let him have his fun by not telling him YOU were the one he was searching for.

And while you love him that much, you are about to ruin the whole game.

Why does he think it is appropriate to own 48 pairs of the same Sherlock Holmes outfit with THE UGLIEST MATCHING HATS YOU HAVE EVER LAID YOUR EYES ON.

First, he wore them in his ‘detective office’ only. Also known as the Lamentation house storage room for cleaning products. And that was fine, it was.

But then he started to wear them inside the house and in the garden. The saddest day was when a cat knocked the ugly hat off and ran away with it. Oh praise that cat! Praise the little paws!

However, he has gone too far.

He knows no bounds and shows no signs of stopping.

He started wearing the outfits OUTSIDE! In the middle of cobblestone paths of the main street while you were trying to have a nice date!

"Who knows where the soul snatching culprit could be hiding? I must wear this outfit everywhere to catch their clues. Trust me.”

That is it.

If one more iguana-looking-ass demon points their finger at you two and snickers as you walk past – he will have a rude wake up call.

How is it possible that he is trying to catch the culprit that is you but doesn’t pay any attention to you?

So, when you arrive home and he walks into the mop closet to add another unrelated photo to his crazy whiteboard as a clue – you tell him to sit down for a moment.

“Satan, honey, I have something to tell you about your soul snatching culprit.”

That definitely got his attention.

Finally! He is actually looking at you!

You lean down and gently kiss his head.

“I am the culprit you’re looking for. How does it feel to completely miss something right under your nose?”

He freezes up and throws a pen towards the whiteboard. It just bounces off and hits him in the back.

“You....you mean to tell me that,,, the biggest Devil Mystery TV phenomenon is ACTUALLY YOU?”

You are met with complete disbelief. Satan demands a detailed explanation on how you did it. He even tells you to use his whiteboard to retrace your steps!

...good luck...

Belphegor:

Will Belphegor ever actually publicly say that he has changed because of you? No.

Will he ever actually admit that to other brothers besides Beel when they’re talking in the late hours of the night in their room? Oh, absolutely not.

Will he tell you? Yes.

Yes but.. He will leave something out.

Sometimes Belphie looks at how you smile and remembers things that make him famous in this realm.

Yes, he is one of the most powerful demons and yes, he has a reputation of rebellion and the biggest steak of unattendance in RAD but

He is also a fairly famous scholar.

His papers and research are cited on the regular.

But when you smile and say a witty joke – he remembers that most of them focus around him proving just how dumb or naïve humans actually are.

But, you’re human and he hopes that you never see those.

Except that you do.

Because he is so famous it is no surprise that while looking for research papers to reference for your next assignment you saw his name while browsing through

And while you love him - you will not allow him to just diss the whole mankind.

So, you grab one of them from the library. Walk home, go to the attic while he is napping and open it up, putting it right on his face.

It takes a couple of seconds but he feels something is wrong and his hand reaches for it.

When he pulls it away, he is met with his thesis that was further developed from the seduction speech class assignment.

It sets it up as: ‘Seduction speech as a matter of blatant deception that humans always fall for but could never recreate.’

You are not even that mad at it to be honest.

But proving him wrong is always fun. And little does he know about your biggest secret ever.

“I will cut right to the chase and say – fix your bangs I want to see the way your eyes look when I tell you this!”

“I wonder who messed up my bangs with the academic paper in the first place?” is what he replies but his hand is already on his forehead.

“Whatever. Prepare to be amazed! I am the one the elders of the devildom are always ranting about on TV! Yes, I am the ‘pesky little human’ who is stealing away ‘edible’ souls! How is that for your thesis now? Is that not true deception?!”

He likes your smile still. You’re standing in front of the bed looking at him with sparkling eyes and clenched fists while striking a pose. It is silly really but he smiles.

Because you are.

And while he will ask you a bit more about that claim, he is just happy to know that maybe his next academic paper (which everyone eagerly awaits) will be tad more positive to your kind.

Diavolo:

You got an urgent call from Barbatos.

On the doorstep he told you that Diavolo needs you in his study.

What could you do that Barbatos can’t and will help Diavolo? Does such a thing even exist?

You walk inside of his office and are pretty sure Barbatos did not want to go inside because of the fact that a rat could be hiding under the mountain of papers that are all around the room.

Usually, Diavolo immediately stands up, lights up the room with his smile and stretches out his hands for a hug.

Now? He hears the doors open and looks at you with a weak smile while his head is resting on his elbows from behind the desk.

He has never looked worse.

“Barbatos said you called for me?”

You are unsure where to begin with this so you state a fact while thinking of questions to ask.

“He has? I have done no such thing?”

Great. Now both of you are confused.

“Can you tell me what is going on?”

Diavolo sighs and his smile is still nowhere to be seen.

“The elders have been so annoying lately. I understand that the biggest threat to the Devildom and everyone’s life here still has not been identified but there is nothing I can do except search!”

Just what threat is that? What could be making Diavolo so miserable?

“They keep comparing me to my father without actually offering any ways of fixing this!”

“I will try to offer some way if you tell me what the threat is!”

There you are, making a grand exclamation and promise while trying to avoid papers on the floor. Diavolo sighs again.

“A human is ruining our business! They somehow set up a page that allowed them to own souls by consent in some application under the terms and conditions. I mean, this has never happened before! Humans were never expected to think of that or have access to such means! And the name they used was fake. How am I supposed to find them and then burn them in the darkest pits of hell as the elders want me to?”

You stop trying to avoid the papers.

Did...did he just say darkest pits of hell? Did he just say the elders want YOU burned?!

How are you supposed to fix this? It was a fucking joke! You did not imagine this could ever happen!

“Diavolo you promised you would protect me no matter what, right?”

His eyes are serious when you say that. “Yes. I will. Is something amiss?”

“Diavolo.... I am the enemy your elders want to burn.. PLEASE DON’T LET THEM! MY SKIN JUST ADJUSTED TO THIS TEMPERATURE!”

Diavolo looks at you and laughs like never before. It is cute, it is childlike. His laugh finally lights up the room.

He thinks you are joking.

He thinks you are joking and abruptly stops once he realizes that you did not join in on the laugh.

You were just trying to crack a joke and make him feel better, right? There is no way that is true, right? But judging from your reaction he knows it is.

So, he grows serious once more.

He runs to embrace you.

“Please tell me you are willing to make a compromise because the elders do not care about how your skin adjusts to the temperature.”

[digisurvive]

I was gonna send this ask days earlier (but then I forgot) but actually the Kaito scene I was referring to was the one in the factory. I just think it's a nice insight into Kaito, he knows he's fucking up and he's trying Really Hard Not To but it's not easy.

I really appreciate what they did with Kaito I think they could of made both of him into just...horrible irredeemable pieces of shit and not make him part of the main cast (or kill him off). But he isn't, and I like that the game doesn't write them like that.

Maybe I just care a lot about siblings in fiction but I really like Kaito because of how much he fucks up! Because he really does try, the game does Not let you brush him off as just a terrible brother.

Kaito is Hard to Talk To and is a Jerk but he's genuinely trying his best and carrying loads of baggage. You could brush him off but that won't actually...solve anything, Kaito will still be stuck where he is which is bad for both him and Miu.

Though, what I've seen Kaito is a more lukewarm character, not hated in the same way a certain glasses boy is but definitely not as liked as the rest and it's probably because 90% of the time he's Violence Protect Miu Violence ohmaybeIdocareaboutthesepeople Violence.

Though...Kaito is kinda in a situation where it's hard to write him outside of his relationship with Miu, because he as a character is just so centered around Miu and, again he is horrible at expressing his emotions which makes him seem less complex than he actually is.

Honestly like most people I wish they killed Kaito in Harmony instead of Miu. I can imagine him swooping in to protect Miu at the last second and getting dragged off, so he still gets killed by his goal to protect Miu while we get to see how Miu really really feels about his brother and, in a roundabout way, more insight into Kaito.

(I'm now also vaguely reminded of this one VN that had a character who's main flaw was not trusting anyone so they couldn't write him getting into any close moments with the other members of the cast so using ghosts (whole thing) they change the POV character in his route to him so they could keep that trait while still letting you get insights into his character.)

Oh I rambled a lot...very sorry! I Just...Kaito....ough...

Ah, I know what scene you're talking about now!! My bad for getting confused, I had recently replayed act 9 and I was like akdkdkkdkg *foaming at the mouth about the slap in the gym :[*

But I see where you're coming from, particularly in this franchise with a lot of protective older brothers, we tend to see them in right for wanting to protect them little siblings and Kaito is just.... So wrong even when you understand where he is coming from.

I don't know about how the fandom feels about him despite the fact I do check the tag (in general, I don't think there's that much fan engagement for this VN </3), so I'll only talk about my thoughts about him. I tend to go through periods where I really like him and periods where he really gets on my nerves because of the stuff you wrote in the ask. He can be difficult in the sense you wish Takuma would confront him directly (but in true Takuma fashion, he's very mindful not to overstep his boundaries most of the time), but I think the fact one of the more consisten ways to raise his affinity is to leave him alone speaks volumes about how he's used to getting by, trying to solve everything on his own and not being used to be relied on by other ppl nor relying on others. He's also a kid who's really been neglected and has had to shoulder a lot of responsibility so it makes sense for him to be more than a little neurotic 😂 I think it's a feat for the writing to still be able to portray his proclivity for violence in a way that feels unsavory when this franchise is all action and fights (Thats one thing I did wish Survive had been able to pull off better. To give you feasible alternatives that aren't fighting for some of the plot beats, but that's for another post).

He does have his nuances, like how he's aware that he can be a pain in the ass and difficult to deal with. And wrong, most importantly. I think a lot about that Wrathful dialogue he has with Aoi where she's lamenting her final defeat as Plutomon bc... She was supposed to finally have the power and agency not to make mistakes anymore! And Kaito tells her there's no such a thing as someone who doesn't make mistakes and he himself has had to rely a lot on the others to tell him he's wrong 💔 (which really reminds you of how hard Takuma works to get him to go with the group to the amusement park in pt4, how he has to very timidly set the example for him in act 6 and etc...) I honestly like him a lot in Wrathful, I think it's where you get to see a new side of him even if in a really bittersweet way.

Speaking of how he knows he's in the wrong, I do like a lot that moment in Truthful where to raise affinity with him, you have to tell him to give Miu some space while they're looking for the Northern shrine. I think it speaks volumes about how his friendship with Takuma has evolved that he's at a point where he won't see it as a stranger sticking his nose where he shouldn't. He's just such a family little man, In a US vs the world mentality, it's interesting to see him grow to consider Dracmon family too and slowly reconsider who's important to him beyond that narrow social circle.

Switching Kaito's and Miu's places would indeed be interesting (and I Def Get where People are coming from with this angle for a myriad of reasons), yeah, but I also Love Aoi and Kaito as foils so I still like what we got 😂😂

ANYWAY. thanks for the ask, I love talking about digisurvive w/ u, so ur welcome to ramble anytime

[starconsumer444]

Just found you and already smitten with your dark content. Could you maybe write either Kuroo/Suna/Tendou/Bokuto (whichever u choose) brother or stepbrother catching sister/stepsister trying to masturbate but not knowing how so they edge her relentlessly until she agrees to let him have sex with her because he's tricked her thats the only way she can really cum the first-time? Finishing with a nice cream pie?

Older Brother!Suna (18+)

A/N:Thank you thank youuu~ I’m sorry I didn’t go with the “relentless” edging, I just did it one time because it was getting long and I have a sick and twisted sadomasochistic habit of writing from the late hours of the night until the early hours of the morning and getting dead tired half way through. I’m not sure if that was all that great in comparison to my other works, but I really hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

(CW/TW: Incest, Virginity [Suna makes it hurt too, but there is an orgasm <3], Coercion, Dubcon, Edging??? Or just flat-out orgasm denial...,Age gap??? [Reader is 18, Suna is 25] Fingering, Creampie, Absolutely Clueless reader..., Masturbation, Suna is an asshole in this one, Deception, Manipulation and PLEASE TELL ME IF I MISSED SOMETHING!!!!)

Unfortunately for you, university wasn't all that it was talked up to be in terms of sex and anything else really. You went into your first year thinking you were gonna lose your virginity, make new friends, go to frat parties, and just have all-around wild experiences. Suna, when he was in school, would always come back with cool stories to tell you, and had a new girlfriend every break he got. To have cool experiences like your big brother was the only reason you wanted to go, but unfortunately for you, it was none of that. Maybe it’s because you’re not an athlete like him, but it was studies, a newfound coffee addiction, and a roommate that never seemed to go anywhere. All that on top of your dead social life, absolutely miserable..

When Suna came to pick you up from the airport so you two could spend the holidays with your parents (a tradition no matter how old either of you get), you told him all about it. Sure, you didn’t grow up particularly close with him being seven years older and all, but he was still your older brother and no topic seemed to be off limits with him, so it was nice. He wasn’t the most doting older sibling and definitely not the most talkative either, but he was good for listening. Really, listening was his strong suit.

You told him about your lackluster social life and your mountains of schoolwork, but, even knowing he wouldn’t mind, you didn’t tell him about the sex stuff. Why would you? He’s your older brother. He shouldn’t know things like that about you.

Needless to say, you go home for winter break a sexually frustrated virgin. Maybe, if you had tried a little harder with the people at school it wouldn’t have come to this?

The house had been dead silent when you decided to, for the first time, attempt to masturbate. You were sure no one was home, not your mom, not your dad, and not your older brother, Suna. Still, you could’ve at least checked before you completely stripped your lower half.

It wasn’t going well, you had two fingers inside yourself and you didn’t feel anything. You felt like a doctor doing a self-probe at best. It just felt... wrong? But this is how the girls in porn do it, right? There’s no way you’re getting this wrong. You’re doing exactly what you see; moving your fingers in and out, even curling them a bit… What could you possibly be doing wrong?

Suna watches you silently from your slightly cracked door.

Pitiful, he thinks.

He was just coming by to ask if you wanted anything from the store because he was headed out. He didn’t expect to see his little sister struggling with her fingers in her cunt. He can postpone that walk to the corner-store to bond with his little sister.

He doesn’t even bother knocking to spare you the humiliation, just pushes the door open and lets himself right in.

You notice him immediately and let out a loud scream, closing your legs and trying to hide yourself by turning away from him. You want to disintegrate. Your body is burning up with embarrassment.

What does he want? Why now?

You feel his weight make your childhood bed dip and you can feel the warmth radiating off his body. One of his calloused hands caresses your thigh and you don’t move away from it the way you know you’re supposed to. You’re frozen.

What is he doing?

“Suna, get out!” You turn to look at him and grab his wrist to stop him in his tracks. Can’t he take a hint? “What are you-”

“You’re not doing it right.” He pipes up. In the back of his mind he knows this is wrong. He shouldn’t be doing this with his baby sister.

“Huh?” You’re clearly lost.

“I’ve done this before, let me help you.”

It takes nothing for him to separate your legs and settle himself in between them.

“You’re still a virgin?” His fingers slide gently up and down the wetness between your folds and it draws a sharp whimper and a harsh nod from you.

Suna is twenty-five and has enough sense about himself to know this is wrong. He’s not going to try to rationalize it. He’s just taking a golden opportunity even if that opportunity is his little sister. He has a knack for corrupting innocent girls like you; it’s fun for him even if it’s sick and perverted.

The dirty feeling you get having your brother touching and eyeing your most intimate parts is intense. You want him to keep going, but you know you should tell him to stop.

“Suna, this isn't okay.”

He shushes you but nods his head.

“I’m just helping you.” He says matter-of-factly. “It’s not like you can make yourself cum. Let your big brother help you, okay?” He insists and pushes two fingers inside your hole.

You scoot back out of shock and let out a surprised yelp, “O-okay,”

If he hears the nerves in your voice, he doesn’t do anything to acknowledge it. All he does is scoot closer and offer a gentle smile, the same brotherly one he gave you when he left for college and you cried wanting him to stay. That smile.

It feels so different when he fingers you. He’s not being as rough as you were and he’s definitely more practiced; you’re sure there’s tons of girls he’s done this too. It feels good, especially with him rubbing pleasant circles into your clit. You shouldn’t like this as much as you do.

“Feel better?”

“Mhm,”

He starts to speed up, and you clap your hand over your mouth to stop the moans from being too loud in case you two weren’t the only ones home. His fingers are like magic and you don’t know how to react.

With the stimulation to your clit and his fingers inside you, above cloud nine is where you are. You’ve never felt like this, and there’s a tinge of guilt about it being with your brother but this is too good.

As cute as you look with your heaving chest and your eye’s starting to unfocus, he knows he’s not done with you. When he feels you start to spasm around his fingers he pulls them out, because this may be his only chance to use you, his little sister.

He brings his fingers to his mouth and licks them clean like the perv he knows he is. It leaves you staring with your mouth hanging open, clearly searching for the words.

“What?” He asks, feigned puzzledness all over his expression. “You taste good.” He chuckles inwardly, you cringe internally. That’s not what you were going to ask, though.

“No…” You can’t look at him, so you look down and play with the sheets on your bed.

“Come on, what is it?”

“I think I was going to cum… and you-”

“That’s dumb, you can’t cum from being fingered.” There’s a seriousness in his tone, you take it as fact; he knows he’s lying.

“But the girls in porn-”

“It’s porn, it’s not realistic.”

You’ve heard that before. You guess it’s true, especially if Suna says it. It must be.

Thank god for shitty sex ed, he muses internally because without it, this wouldn’t be possible.

“Do you wanna cum?” He asks curiously.

All you offer in response is a meek nod. You’re not actually certain on going through with your brother making you cum, but if it’s anything like the way he made you feel just now… maybe, it’s not so bad.

He tells you to lay down, and you do so without hesitation. With your legs splayed open over his thighs, it feels grosser knowing your brother has an even clearer view of you. You wish you had the self control to just say no and end this.

He pulls his sweats and underwear down; if your heartbeat wasn’t going crazy before it definitely is now. His dick is thick and long. He’s rock hard, his tip is pinker than the rest of it, and there’s clear stuff leaking out. It looks like it’s going to hurt, even looks like it’s hurting him right now.

“Suna, wait is this-” You don’t know how to finish. “I’m a virgin.”

“I know, you told me already.” He’s not really paying attention to you. He spits on his hand and rubs it all up and down his length. It’ll hardly help more than the fingering, but it’s a kindness he’s willing to give his little sister. “Just… relax. I’m not gonna hurt you.” He says as he leans over you, guiding his length to your entrance.

Immediately you clench and shut him out.

“I-I’m sorry I just-”

“It’s fine, just relax like I said.”

You do, and he starts to push in. It burns. Stings? Something like a mix of those two.

Even if there was lube for you to use, Suna wouldn’t have offered. He likes the way his baby sisters' face contorts  in pain and confusion. You look cute losing your virginity to your big brother.

“AH-” It’s a sharp, pained exclamation coming from you as your hand pushes at his chest. Your legs are thrown over his shoulders now and he’s impaling you slowly inch by agonizing inch. You can feel him stretch you, but you don’t want him to stop, you’ve waited so long for this.

One of his hands rests on your lower stomach and you beg him to do anything to make you feel better when he’s all the way in. He rubs at your clit and leans over to kiss you like you’re his girlfriend.

Without warning he starts to move. It’s nothing but shallow and slow thrusts that have you feeling every inch of him. If it’ll make you cum, you can handle it. All you want is to cum. Combined with his fingers working on your clit, you’re sure you will, right?

Your moans are soft, even if it doesn’t feel that great. The girls in porn moan all the time, it’s the right thing to do.

When he feels like he’s been kind enough, he starts to move faster. You start to get used to it and your legs start to shake from the combined stimulation and strain from being bent at such an angle.

It’s like magic. Your orgasm washes over you,your eyes roll into the back of your head, your body shakes and your back arches off your soiled sheets.

Shock is plastered on Sunas typically inexpressive face. He didn’t expect you to actually...

His little sister is so sensitive. Most girls wouldn’t climax like that their first time. There’s an unspoken sense of pride in this for him. Still, he’s not stopping until he cums too.

You’re whining and squirming up under him, pushing at his hips and moving his hand away from your clit like him continuing is killing you after you’ve worked through your first orgasm. He assures you that’s how it’s supposed to feel and you’re supposed to wait until he cums too.

Once more, you’re laying there in discomfort and he’s getting off to it. Suna knows he’s wrong for it but he just can’t bring himself to care. Not when he’s so close. He especially doesn’t care when he sees your horrified expression as you feel him paint your walls with his warm cum. He’ll make sure you don’t get pregnant later, but for right now he wants to savor this moment.