#i really want to get back to writing narrative ghost so bad but i've been stuck for months feeling like it sucks so bad

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

I'm going to try wip wednesday again I suppose! I wish I had something more substantial... anyways. From my ongoing bsd high school/jungian dreamworld au fic The Narrative Ghost (first three chapters already up!). Here's how the continuation is going...

Yeah. Fun times.

There is also this. Because small Ranpo is so cute.

Bonus exhausted dad Fukuzawa.

[benisasoftboi]

I am so happy with the conclusion of BBC Ghosts.

There were so many things I loved about the final series that I can't even keep it all straight in my brain, I'll have to rewatch it all (and the Christmas special, of course! Must remember it's the not the true end yet!)

But something I can immediately say I loved was what they didn't do. See, that line in the trailer that turned out to be from episode 5 - about there being a pattern to when they move on - worried me. One of the best things about the show, to me, is how there truly is not any reason at all to why the ghosts are there, or when they go. It's something the creators have said over and over, and that the show has always backed up; we saw so many times that, unlike in most ghost media, addressing unfinished business or achieving emotional resolution changes absolutely nothing. Pat hit some sort of emotional resolution three times. And Julian realised the importance of family, and Robin saved someone’s life, and Thomas discovered the truth of his death, and so on and so on. Finding closure isn't the end, and equally, the end isn't predicated by a climatic conclusion. It just happens. And the same is true for why people become ghosts. It just happens. And you exist, and fill your days, and then you’re gone. And no one knows why.

It's kind of the most agnostic television show I've ever seen.

I love that. Every other afterlife show I've ever seen has some kind of reward and punishment system. Or at least says that there's a reason for things, some kind of higher power at play, not necessarily a god but something like it. Even the American adaptation felt the need to bring Hell into it, which is why I need to specify that I'm only talking about the British version here. And I feel like a lot of fans wanted there to be reasons too, or felt like there simply had to be, that it wasn't even a question. I get why - it's not just because it's the standard for ghost narratives. It's really uncomfortable to think about the randomness of life and death. But Mary didn't go because of anything that happened before that day, and Cap was never going to go because he came out, and one day, when they've all gone, there won't have been a reason for it.

Because the real point of BBC Ghosts is that there is no point. You’ve just got to make it through the days, surrounded by people that irritate you, trapped in a confusing world where you’re mostly powerless. And it sucks, and you're angry, and sad, and bored as hell. And you also find happiness in the mundane chaos, and you get really good at chess, and watch the ants in the garden, and write bad poetry, and read terrible romance novels, and gamble money you don't have, and go camping, and play games, and learn French, and watch reality TV, and have sex with a decapitated Tudor nobleman’s body, and dance to old music, and look at the stars, and find that you actually really love all those annoying people after all, and that’s the point.

[incesthemes]

final thoughts: supernatural season 12

i've been nursing a terrible headache all day and so i freely admit my opinions of this season may be negatively influenced by this. maybe tomorrow i'll wake up and realize it wasn't actually that bad and the real enemy was my brain all along. such is life.

i'll say upfront that i liked this season much, much more than season 11. not hard to do and the bar is in hell, but i think it's a good perspective for me to keep in mind while i write this. let's go.

i'm going to talk about mary first. i really like what she brought to the table. she created such natural conflict just by existing, and that's damn good writing. she was handled with so much nuance and care, and i'm extremely pleased by this because i pretty much hate everything else in this season, and actually i'm surprised with how well they handled mary compared to how poorly they handled everything else. that's just bizarre. pick a struggle guys you're hurting my brain.

but no, i love how she's developed as her own person, and how she gets to go off on her own and leave her kids and how that has major consequences but she's still not painted as a bad or neglectful mother for doing that. in fact she's not relegated to the flattened role of "mother" at all, and that's genuinely something special for this show, since it tends to keep their side characters to reductive caricatures that best suit their purposes. that would have been a really easy trap for the writers to step into, since that's the role she's had for the entire show up to now, the ghost of a mother haunting the narrative. she had very little character outside of that (except for her kickass part in 4.03, have i ever mentioned how much i love in the beginning? fuck man). but still the writers let her transcend that role and become something far more complex. i really love that :)

an aside: all of the winchesters, actually, get this incredibly nuanced treatment that hardly any of the other characters do. i like how much care and attention are put into crafting this fucked-up little family. it's definitely one of my favorite dynamics in fiction, probably ever. every one of the winchesters has so many layers to peel back and explore, such complex identities, and contradictory, human personalities. i love what connects them and drives them apart and how that's so often the same thing. they're really great characters who fit into their roles well, never too over- or underused. the family is very well done.

anyway back to season 12. i've been holding this in all day but now i'm finally going to complain about the british men of letters. because i'm sorry but they're kind of stupid 😭 and by that i mean their operation makes very little sense, and the rapid developments of their plan are so unattainable and nonsensical. you're going to wipe out every single american hunter? with your little team of 10 people? and to what end? i get they want to exert control, but first of all, this is missing the whole entire point of (american-style) hunting, from a doylian AND watsonian perspective:

hunting thus far has been presented as a deeply traumatic, solitary life decision individuals have made after experiencing a tragic loss or otherwise had a life-changing encounter with the supernatural. they're not recruited, they have very little support, they have an old-fashioned, underdeveloped communications network, and again: they're solitary creatures. they make their own decisions, play by their own rules, hunt their own game. it's suggested that most or a majority of hunters seem to go after exclusively the supernatural entity that got them into hunting in the first place, and only the more prolific hunters have a wide range of skillsets.

this isn't something that can be controlled. and by that i mean, wiping out every hunter isn't going to stop hunters from existing. because as long as there are monsters, people will continue to be traumatized, and people will continue to hunt. even if you wipe out an entire generation, you can't stop a random individual from having her family eaten by werewolves and deciding to hunt werewolves down from now on. no matter what the BMoL try, this is an impossible thing to control, and it's stupid to try. again, from both a watsonian and doylian perspective.

the actual motives and objectives of the BMoL are so all over the place and messy that it's really difficult to follow throughout the season, too. first you're going to torture sam for information—all the while bragging about how much intel you have access to and how much you know about the winchesters. if you know sam so well, why don't you know any other hunters, huh? why do you need him to tell you? but i digress. then you're trying to recruit hunters to work for the men of letters, and it's all friendly and inviting and organized. then you're going to exterminate all the hunters because they don't want to listen to a foreign organization no one's ever even heard of and has only been in the states for like 5 months? they're portrayed as nothing better than petulant children who can't stand that the girl on the playground wouldn't give them her dolly.

and honestly that would be fine, in isolation, i guess, if the whole portrayal of the UK didn't weird me out on so many levels. i don't know what goes on in the UK, and also i didn't read harry potter, but the whole "secret magic school" and "secret magic society" thing feels so reductive and bland. like okay you have a real-world hogwarts. sure. can you at least try to be more creative about this. i was fine with the men of letters existing outside of the US, that's to be expected and i was actually excited to see what would come of that. but as soon as they put in a fucking magic school they lost me.

like first of all, why is the UK soooooo developed in this area where the US lags behind? are other countries following the UK's example? is europe equally monster-free? is the US the last haven for monsters??? and if the BMoL are so advanced, where the hell have they been for ummmm (bad at math) what, 60-ish years now? they just let the US chapter die and cut off communications? no attempt to support the country whatsoever? leave the US to rot? until just now, after some random americans kicked off 2.5 apocalypses. yeah sure. i can get behind that (heavy sarcasm). it's just—be realistic. if you're going to make such an advanced and all-powerful organization, where the fuck have they been all this time? the scale should match the presence.

my ideal for the BMoL would have been a much smaller scale organization that utilizes black and white ideology to train killers, preferably infiltrating judicial organizations to maintain peace and provide cover for hunters. they shouldn't be like. running the fucking government or whatever this all-encompassing scale is that the show presented. it was a cool and interesting idea to bring in the men of letters. it was not a cool and interesting execution. it barely holds up to any scrutiny and requires so much handwaving and excuse-making that i just cannot get myself to like it at all.

ok. rant over. i've already mentioned all of the other plotty things that annoyed me about this season in other posts, so i'll move on from my complaining.

i'm going back to mary because i love mary. what i like is how sam's relationship to mary throughout his life is, in a big way, paralleled with sam's relationship to mary after her resurrection. he never gets to confront her abut what she did to him and what she caused. the only person who ever gets to talk about this is dean, both in 12.14 and in 12.23. and maybe other people disagree with this choice, but i really like it. i like the distance between sam and mary, because that's who they are to each other. they never got a chance to know each other, but they are the impetus for each other's suffering. sam never got to know his mom except through dean, who acted as a medium to impart acceptable knowledge to his brother. mary never got to know her son at all. and when she comes back to life, this dynamic, this chasmic distance, remains between them. and dean is caught in the middle of them, just like he's always been throughout his entire life. i think by making mary's presence in season 12 so dean-centric, the show managed to highlight just how wide that chasm is between her and sam. sam doesn't get to speak up for himself or talk about his past or tell mary anything about himself or who he is. dean tells her for him. just like mary never got to tell sam anything about herself; dean told him for her. the dynamic persists, and dean remains caught in the middle, ever sam's protector and shield and greatest advocate.

sam was actually pretty damn wonderful this season. i'm clinging onto sam's character arc to distract from my angry disappointment with the british men of letters. the transition and development from mid-season 11 to 12.23 was awesome and well-paced, which is frankly something i didn't know the show knew how to do anymore. so i'm extremely happy with how subtle and natural the buildup was, especially for a show that doesn't have the word "subtle" in its dictionary. i don't think i have nearly any complaints about how sam was handled this season honestly. maybe some nitpicks, but no serious complaints. he was just great. he reclaimed agency and willpower for himself in a really unique way that didn't compromise his enmeshment with dean (and thus didn't backtrack on any of the previous toxic relationship developments that have happened, like i'd feared would happen), and he grew in a very positive and interesting way that i really enjoyed. go sammy :)

the whole apocalypse world ending in 12.23 was way too drawn out and overdramatic, also i still hate lucifer's rewritten character, also i think it was deeply unnecessary to lock mary in there with him, also why was cas even there at all he did Literally Nothing and then died immediately, also why did it take so long for the portal to close after crowley died, that's so unbelievably contrived and stupid as hell—

BUT. otherwise i liked the finale. if i ignore the whole apocalypse world thing it was great, even. big win for me since i did not like season 11's finale (big shocker). i'm really tickled that sam was the one to find jack; i think that will create some interesting developments in season 13 so i'm looking forward to that. i hope jack imprints on sam like a duck. based on posts i've seen floating around tumblr, that's more or less what happens so i'm excited about that lmao.

anyway. this was the longest 4.5 days of my life. i'm going to detox like hell after this, because lord knows i need it. i haven't decided what i'll watch, so it might be more movies or maybe a miniseries. who knows. but i desperately need to funnel some wincest fanfiction directly into my mouth now. something to cleanse me of this season. thank you and god bless 🙏

[onewomancitadel]

One of my many opinions is that the problem with published fanfiction is not that fanfiction is bleeding into the mainstream publishing industry (the two have always been symbiotic to some degree - fanfic is informed by published genres/standards) but rather that I think if you can retool a fanfic as a published work then I'm not sure it really should have been a fanfic of that canonical work.

If one character can easily become another, if one plot can be so wholly divorced from canonical inference/interpretation, if all of this is so totally fluid, then what was it very good at in the first place? Recognisable character, recognisable canon, is the bread and butter of fanfic. This is the root of criticism of Migratory Slash Fandom - which is a misdirection, because this is the root of my criticism of fanon in general within panfandom - that is, that fandom has its own discrete practices fandom to fandom which persist through expected and inserted archetypes and narrative practices.

In which case I say, there are very different issues there. From my own perspective, my fanfic and original work practices are so very distinct from each other that it would not feel right to ever take anything I've written fanfic-wise and retool it, because every single choice I have made - from prose composition to plot - is informed by canon. That isn't to say I am aspirational on this point in any way - and I want people to see success of their published works - but it seems to me that the prevailing criticism of fic authors going pro that I see outside fandom (gross, fanfic getting published?) is actually the wrong way around.

It is even more eerie when you read a published fanfic and are familiar with the original fandom, and the ghost of that work echoes throughout it in divorced mimicry. It is hollow - beyond in-joke.

Even more awkward is the question of what it means when a fanspace becomes a professional one - now we are not surrounded by fannish peers but people who have actual careers hinged on the reviews of their work and word-of-mouth. Are you allowed to criticise their work and profane the rule of don't-like-don't-read? Are you allowed to question the monetising of fanbases? I'm not even going so far as to say it's a bad thing, and I'd point my finger here at 'content creators' who monetise fandom too - it's fair to say that out of everybody, fic authors are really the ones who cop the short end of the stick in that it seems like everybody is profiting off an ostensibly love-driven hobby except us.

But to circle back to my real point here, which is that the published fanfic? Gross refrain speaks to a backwards relationship, and the usual strain of antipathy directed towards the fic author - the most deviant, talentless, oversexed hack, who is writing on her phone a Hades/Persephone Reylo AU, ignoring her children like the bad wife she is, donating her entertainment budget to an Internet archive instead of charity.

And to be honest I'd rather talk to her than somebody who hasn't read enough to know schlock gets published all the time, and people used to like it. It was called pulp fiction for a reason.

[variousqueerthings]

I still think it's a shame that we haven't had anything in the show related to johnny and miyagi emotionally -- what I mean by that is that, yes, we've had him mentioning larusso's sensei that beat him and his friends up (during his "daniel was the real bully" rewrite of events), and there was daniel in the training-bit that pointed out that miyagi was a badass who defeated kreese (was it in the training bit, I think so), but johnny had nothing really to say to that, and there's "no be there," which was framed as a joke (that's a whole other tangent)

off the top of my head -- which, it has been a few months since I've gone through the whole thing -- that's all we've had, but miyagi saved johnny's life, and I think that's worthy of writing something about. johnny is consistently derisive about miyagi-do, but quite apart from whether or not he thinks teen!daniel could defeat him at the all-valley, miyagi definitely got kreese without breaking a sweat, and johnny's ptsd-envisioned almost getting choked to death several times on this show, but it always ends before he gets rescued

idk, this is kind of not-fully-thought-out, but it's to do with the way that the show never fully completes the inwards spiral it was doing to bring johnny into the karate kid story (it may in s6... but since johnny's storyline is now "new baby out of nowhere, not at all related to any of his growth and certainly not carmen's" it's doubtful). s1 johnny is supposed to be abrasive and unwilling to have anything to do with miyagi-do (except for when he does, episode 9 my beloved), and then bit by bit he's being brought from his "side" of the narrative into daniel's narrative, which he merely played a part in initially (I say, as if I haven't read 100 fics in which he and daniel got it on at prom) and has been unwilling to see what that part entailed, because if they weren't equally matched nemeses and he did just beat him up several times because he didn't like him, then what does it mean that his father-figure tried to kill him for failing to beat him at a teen karate tournament?

they pay lip-service to some of that with the whole miyagi-fang + training montage bit, but of course s5 then does nothing with it, but what I mean is that if johnny really belonged in daniel's story - because this is the miyagi-verse, not the daniel or johnny verse - I really wanted him to acknowledge the role miyagi played in his life, and to be respectful of that. he's acknowledged that kreese was bad for him, and nearly killed him, but that's idk... the anger and betrayal part of it all. on the other side of that was daniel's mentor/father, a story which he didn't belong in (perhaps doesn't feel like he deserved to be in, cycle of abuse etcetc), but for a moment intersected with his, and now deliberately intersects with his, he wants to intersect with his, and miyagi's ghost hovers over all of it

it's unfortunate that they dragged johnny back to a safe place (for them), where his character development barely still applies, and it's probably-definitely to do with getting him away from daniel, so "not-talking-about-miyagi" isn't the highest on the list of things that has jarringly thrown johnny out of the main storyline and into his own weird stepford hellscape, but it's up there for me alongside "you're alright larusso," as the most puzzling omissions from the show, because it's... it's right there. the easiest character development in a show that's all about being incredibly on the nose with its arcs

once upon a time I thought "nah, they'll leave it for the end, because it's the perfect ending," but now we are... here. whatever end s5 was doing. and it's a little bit more *chuckles, you remember that johnny told daniel that he was alright and handed him the trophy right? you remember that miyagi stepped in to save johnny's life when he was a kid right? you remember that those were two significant scenes that happened... right?*

ah well vive le fanfiction, especially with this show 😂

TL;DR I think johnny saying a few words about miyagi (respectful ones, not s1 johnny ones) would bring johnny into the karate kid story properly, by acknowledging the role miyagi played in his life

[quietbluejay]

Ghost Warrior 1

This is not a great start, it's basically like a codex summary of the Ynnari's deal/Eldar's deal with gods my first impulse is to call it out as bad writing but honestly given the steep learning curve of some of the other books, I'm wondering if I should give it a pass

even in an Eldar book I can't escape the Guilliman simping

like, I like Guilliman as a character you all know this lol but because of that I think he should be clowned on more perhaps literally where are the Harlequins when you need them okay finally we get a mention of Yvraine she's on a fetch quest for Guilliman oh okay we're not even going to split for a separate chapter we're just going to cut to new scene sloppy so we go in media res to the Ynnari vs Nurglite daemons OH COME ON make up your mind what you're going to do with your narrative voice we jump from third person limited to third person omniscient WITHIN THE SAME SCENE unfortunately the third person omniscient narrator is the guilliman simp so I am afraid

while I charge McNeill with the crime of purple prose I charge Thorpe with the crime of being up his own ass I'm getting flashbacks to bad fantasy I read as a kid/teen okay, on a prose level, this is better than McNeill's earlier stuff, and even some of Abnett's it's when you go one level up that it's actually worse this is your opening when you want to grab your reader don't switch third person limited POVs after 3 paragraphs and then jump back to third person omniscient to do a lot of tell not showing it's jarring, it drags the reader out, and it ruins engagement, it'd honestly be bad anywhere in the book but it's most egregious to have it as the opening i can really see why people would zone out and just not be interested in reading there's some decent ideas in here but they're not being presented well

every time I see someone talk about Abnett as being great I roll my eyes but, he can actually write something that grabs you, as clunky as his prose might be at times this reads like Thorpe is phoning it in, tbh

GOOD QUESTION yeah. this book is just going to be a slog worse than A Thousand Sons oh hey, it's Iyanna! She was great in Valedor, I wanted to see more of her i fear that may have been a monkey's paw

we are on page 2 of the Iyanna introduction and it wore out its welcome BEFORE we got this egregious tell-not-show

it KEPT GOING after this too Valedor was the PINNACLE of good Eldar writing compared to this not saying Valedor was that bad, just, it needed some cleanup

gahhh bite bite kill kill her relationship with Althenian in Valedor was beautiful and bittersweet and now

this is not my beautiful spiritseer

this is not my beautiful wraithlord man i love reading warhammer novels i've been exposed to so many new and fun varieties of bad writing McNeill, Abnett, ADB, Kyme, Thorpe… all good writers are alike, but all bad writers are bad in their own way (for clarification i do not think all good writers are alike it's a bastardization of the anna karenina quote) so Iyanna got distracted visiting statues of her family in the spirit world with her spiritual body actually, huh, how does that make sense lore wise, she's not in the infinity circuit which she does pop in on in Valedor iirc her real purpose is finding a spirit stone her going through the old hermit dwellings is some of the better writing this book has had so far, and this would have been a good place to start the chapter there's more dialogue between Iyanna and Althenian that sets my teeth on edge on the topic of hanging out too much with the dead and finally we're back to Yvraine maybe, this time, we can actually have a chapter with normal pacing and no third person omniscient interludes this is, at least, the most beginner-friendly BL book I've read we just dipped into a brief explanation of Ahriman and the TS's deal the omniscient narrator can't help but editorialize shush

see this would make sense if we were in Yvraine's head here, but we're not! we are now on page 3 of telling not showing again I'm getting a headache guhh we don't need a play by play told by narrator of stuff you can just read in codices I'm ngl some background is appreciated but this is like the worst possible way of doing it tldr it summarizes Ynnari vs Ahriman we had (checks) seven pages of summarizing this irrelevant sidestory stuff now is not the time to wax poetic about tzeentchian daemon looks FINALLY we're back to actual story and maybe a legitimate character moment as the Visarch wishes Yvraine cared about the other Ynnari a bit more

okay, this is actually cool

so. finally. yvraine is through the portal. MAN does BL need to hire an actual editor and not just pay someone the lowest amount possible to scan for SPAG

Okay, I did snort

Eldar, everyone funnily enough i have a transformers comic image precisely for this situation

he forgot to cherish it because of this it's become a running gag with my beta and another friend that the giant portal from transformers eats things that I can't find. like my swiffer. (Dark Cybertron was w i l d. Maybe I should also post commentary on it some time. never4get the evil giant isopods)

yet more of this gav has really been writing the eldar dropping like flies and also this whole hopping out again! okay this is decent Yvraine activates the Rose of Isha and it wraps her in a thorny loving embrace and she reopens the portal with the Rose using her life force

I see the Visarch is our comedy relief

Visarch: I can't leave you people for five minutes

"hi hi"??? really??? anyways now the battle turns in the Ynnari's favour annnd we're back to Iyanna she bonds with a bonesinger about the trauma of the tyrannid attack iyanna falls for l'appel du vide and tries to take off her void suit but gets stopped at the last minute i am only 16% of the way through this book and only the thought that viewers like you are depending on me is getting me through this

i do enjoy these little crumbs I am receiving though tldr these two talk about Ahriman and how they keep losing people in their vs Chaos battles

here we go i guess oh it's back to Iyanna wait okay Iyanna has the Spear of Teuthlas, that's not the same one Yriel had right lexicanum says they're entirely different

oh great, two twins that finish each others sentences i just went through two pages of this dialogue and we're not even done this conversation Iyanna also thinks about Slaanesh getting buried under the souls of the dead the only thing that brings her joy okay finally we are at the council you know what after i finish this I think I'll do a reread of Valedor to get the taste of this one out of my mouth so Iyanna is getting sent to this mysterious craftworld that appeared out of nowhere because she might have relatives there finally, the plot begins well okay tbf this is less setup than Know No Fear but at least that was actually engaging

Chapter 6: Iyanna uses her seer skills to send her mind through the webway in search of Eldrad

Eldrad POV Eldrad, are you sure that's not just you?

okay, we have timeline! so I guess they didn't edit this book to match the edited timeline for Dark Imperium I'm also sparing you all yet more tortured and boring prose because if I posted everything I'd just be screenshotting the entire book

this is a weird way to put it and also well "either you die or you die" like shouldn't your mindset here be different from the Imperium?? either it's a game of survival every life sacrificed is a tragedy or it's "we should sacrifice ourselves for a greater goal"

if this was the POV of an Imperial character, it would not feel weird or out of place at all, it would fit seamlessly not to once again shill for Valedor but I think Valedor handled it better because it didn't have people reflecting on this kind of thing it showed their sheer focus on survival but also the scale of what was lost and dreams of better days and when it came to the treatment of humans and other species it was basically "I don't think of you at all" like re: humans it was "ugh they ruined this beautiful maiden world but they all got eaten anyways, whatever" "the problem is now that the tyranids are going to use what they absorbed from the humans and that will be bad"

this is something that could be good annnd we spent how many pages on setup for this conversation before we switch POVs to the Visarch he doesn't like seers so he goes to chill at an aspect shrine only to find everyone at every one he visits hates him so Khaine is big mad I guess that the Visarch broke up with him

and the whole room clapped at his epic burn I'm getting flashbacks to that bit in A Thousand Sons

[thewriterowl]

Hi there! Just wanted to let you know that I've been a silent follower of your work for a looong time (like since you wrote stony fic), and I've always been to shy or busy to actually say anything, but it's really inspiring to see how commited you are to your art and how you dont engage/appear outwardly unbothered by any negativity in the sw community- because it can get particularly dicey with the amount of vitriol the community can have for ships and content creators.

It's been great to see how your writing has evolved over the years and the way you just create the content you like to see in the world + how you do so with such a clear narrative voice that I can pick apart from other fic writers (in a very good way!) I took a long break from sw fic (both writing and reading) for a while after glimmerglanger was pushed offline but popped back to your profile, as I periodically do, and read your newer fic 'Ghosts of the Bent and Broken.' In all honesty, it got me down bad right back into the rabbit hole and I've been having a blast- I just wanted to essentially thank you and let you know that I've been a long time admirer even if I haven't said anything all this time and let you know that you have such a talent. I anticipate seeing where you take that story and all your ideas in the future! 🩷💫

Oh hello! This is such a sweet thing to drop by with and I am so happy to hear it all! It really made my day, so thank you for that :D

And I must say, HELLO FELLOW STONY SHIPPER! I think this also proves the Dinluke hivemind is real because I was just talking with someone in the community who also has enjoyed Stony and got into the whole "let's write a thesis about how we feel" type of conversation (Dinluke is my current obsession; but people can feel free to leave asks about other pairings like Stony!). So yay! Always happy to meet another one! Yes, you are right. It can be. But I love this fandom and this ship and want to enjoy it to my best ability so I just sorta get lost in the hyper fixation and don't react to the intensity that can peek in unless asked directly. I'd rather do what I can to make smiles if at all possible, you know?

It is wonderful to hear that my writing has evolved and is being enjoyed in such a way! While some of my characterization and stories may be a bit "rehashed" (I can't help it, I love it lol) I am pleased to hear that the writing itself seems to be making progress in getting better!

:D Welcome back to the rabbit-hole! I am so happy to hear Ghosts caught your attention! That one, i have a lot of plans for (as long as I keep winning against it; we're in a middle of a Denny's parking lot fist-fight) Thank you tons for taking the time to say this! It really means a lot!

[cutebutahandful]

in which u r a jellyfish in the shape of a man (spineless)

i told myself i didn't want to spend another year having to pour out the love and anger and hurt from tyler but lately a couple things have been ringing in my head and won't let go so let me write this out to exorcise it

the first is him telling me "we were never going to work out" after the lawyer's office - the rage i felt when he said that was incandescent. it felt like a huge fuck you after all the effort i put in the relationship which had always felt one-sided to me; this statement made that feel even more real. one of our biggest issues was lack of communication and consistency from him - i hated when he ran away and ghosted me in lieu of actually talking shit out and i hated when he wouldnt tell me his real feelings even when it was glaringly obvious he was mad at me. i thought those were rookie r/ship issues that would get better with time bc it was obvious he had legacy r/ship issues he hadn't healed from but i didnt rly care bc it wasn't like i had zero baggage either, i was happy to be there and work it out with him. i also rly hated that he didn't plan for our dates/impt celebrations and it was always me coming up with things 2 do even after i told him multiple times it was important to me. it's actually whack that when i told him that, he said, "yes but i come for every date even though I'm tired from work" and he made me feel so bad about it - i rly dk why I thought that was something acceptable!!!! B said tylr was just emotionally dense and tylr did tell me that he was trying the hardest he'd ever tried so i just thought he didn't kno how 2b a good boyfriend but that it would work out bc at least he said he was trying. anw it clearly didnt work out so i should've gone with my gut and dipped instead of fruitlessly following my heart or believing in the best of him. this also felt like him minimizing what I do/feel again so i guess that's why it was so triggering - the fact that he reduced his infidelity and betrayal of trust to "I should've shown more care to you in ur vulnerable moments" literally what the actual fuck. how do u minimize talking shit abt ur pregnant girlfriend, revealing her secrets to ur friends, making fun of her with rbkh and checking out s*x workers at massage parlors to "i should've shown more care" - is basic empathy out of ur wheelhouse

"we were never going to work out" is such a defeatist statement and it rly hurt bc it felt like everything i did ultimately didn't matter because he had already made up his mind that we weren't going to last. it explains why he betrayed my vulnerabilities and secrets and spoke badly about me behind my back to his friends though - in his mind, i was never end game so what did a little mudslinging matter lmao. i think the words sting also bc the defeatism showed i was not someone he felt was worth fighting for and that obv hurts coming from someone whom you love with all your heart - to know you matter so little when you've invested everything and more into him is more than a little heartbreaking. the anger also comes from all his lies - both in manipulating me and in presenting false/half-true narratives to his friends. i really h8 my naivete in believing him (even when i felt things were off) and i now recognise that that was pure manipulation/gaslighting - him blatantly lying about shit that he did to me and making me believe that i was unsound. he'd get mad at my rxn to the fuckshit he did then ran with that 2 rbkh lmao.

in tandem with "we were never going to work out" was him saying "i've fought for the relationship" which was the biggest lie ever and smth i know he texted jsut so he could screenshot it to his friends to look good. the real truth is the complete opposite bc i rarely felt that he had my back/was in my corner. i felt like an option rather than a priority, and it was compounded by him placing everyone else above my needs/caring what other people had to say about certain issues, but not my viewpoint even when they were issues that affected our relationship. how many times had he ignored me when I was in hospital or needed him to talk to me about whatever issues we were facing lmao. i had to watch him do things he hardly did for me: plan activities for his friends/colleagues, gift them the same things he gave me and show up for them in a way he didn't for me.

i hated him valorising his ""efforts"" in front of other people because they werent true - how are you fighting for our relationship when you bring our issues to other people (and dont even discuss it with me after), how are you fighting for our relationship when you won't plan for a future with me (but discuss how i should finance the mortgage with your friends instead of me), how are you fighting for our relationship when you and rbkh were making fun of your girlfriend when she was preggers lol i also hated that he said buying the condo was his Grand Gesture of Love for me when the truth was the opposite - it was me asking what our future was going to be/look like + when he initially talked about the condo, it was right after we got back tgt aft our first breakup and he meant it for himself (which is valid, and so was me asking what that meant for our future/if there was a place there for me) ((also i found out that the desire for getting his own place was sparked by rbkh getting a place of her own)) (((and his ultimate decision to choose the place was bc it was less than 10 mins away from his ex, the one he'd been texting behind my back throughout our relationship))) i haven't even touched on the massage parlor girls he has on his phone or his propensity to look for leaked discord/OF n00dz or the miscarriage but i dont think im ready to talk about it yet here

i actually have a lot more 2 say but i cried my feelings out already so i think im gucci but the tldr to this is that cowardice is tylr's trademark and no amount of cosplaying as a good person will erase the BS he put me through

[n1kolaiz]

The Six Realms

Okay, so I was pretty close to giving up on writing analyses but I'm back LMFAO plus I see we're close to 100 followers and I just want to thank you guys for being so very supportive <3

Alright, I'm not sure if anyone's ever written about this, but if an analysis like this exists, please do let me know because I'm kind of curious as to what other people think about this, too!

Remember that time Fukuchi spoke about bringing "about the five signs of an angel's death"?

I read a little bit more about it, and as a minor content warning: this analysis will focus on a few religious aspects (Buddhism + Hinduism). So if I get any of the facts wrong, firstly: I do not mean any disrespect to either religion, and secondly: please do correct me if I interpret anything in the wrong way.

Spoilers for BSD chapter 90 onwards + BEAST!AU under the cut!

So I'll start by talking about the Decay of Angels. As we all know, the members include Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Nikolai Gogol, Sigma, and Bram Stoker, and their leader, Fukuchi Ochi. After Fyodor's arrest, the Decay of Angels came into light with Nikolai murdering four government officials in a week. These murders symbolise the Buddhist cycle of existence, or otherwise known as samsara: the cycle of life, death, and rebirth.

"We are the Decay of Angels—hiding here as terrorists, a 'murder association', five people who will announce the demise of the celestial world."

Nikolai Gogol, chapter 57

Samsara is described to be a concept beyond human understanding. According to Hinduism, samsara is the physical world where every being has its soul trapped into a physical vessel. The Hindus believe that everything has a soul, and due to a soul's attachment to desire, it is forced into a deathless cycle of being born, dying, and reincarnating into a different body. In Buddhism, the ultimate way to break free from this cycle is by obtaining nirvana.

Nirvana is a Sanskrit word for the goal of the Buddhist path: enlightenment or awakening. In Pali, the language of some of the earliest Buddhist texts, the word is nibbana; in both languages it means "extinction" (like a lamp or flame) or "cessation." It refers to the extinction of greed, ill will, and delusion in the mind, the three poisons that perpetuate suffering. Nirvana is what the Buddha achieved on the night of his enlightenment: he became completely free from the three poisons. Everything he taught for the rest of his life was aimed at helping others to arrive at that same freedom.

- TRICYCLE'S definition of nirvana

As Fukuchi mentions in the panel above, there are six different realms of existence. These realms represent every possible state of existence, but one cannot live in a specific realm forever. Depending on whether or not one's past actions were morally good or bad, an individual is born into one of these realms. Basically, the controlling factor of which realm a person is born into is dependent on their respective karma. The realms are separated into two categories: the hellish ones and the heavenly ones.

The Deva Realm: where beings are rewarded for the good deeds they have done. This realm is void of anything unpleasant. It is basically paradise— empty of unfulfilled desires, any form of suffering, and fears of every kind. Religious individuals, however, do not seek to be born into this realm since its attitude is more or less carefree.

The Asura Realm: where demigods are admitted. Asuras are driven by greed and envy, and may come in conflict with human beings since they are quite similar. They are powerful beings, but quarrel with each other quite a bit, making this realm quite undesirable to be reborn into.

The Animal Realm: where beings are given the form of an animal (you probably guessed that lol). Individuals here don't actually have good karma to take pride in, but rather, they are born into this realm to work off their bad karma (by being slaughtered, hunted, or forced to work, etc). Being born into this realm forces one to atone for their past sins by living out their life as an animal.

The Hell Realm: where one is punished for their evil actions. The most merciless of realms, where one pays for their transgressions through pure suffering, methods of which include: dismemberment, starvation, and psychological/physical torture. However, once a person's term is fulfilled in this realm, they are presumably promised to be reborn into a higher state.

The Preta Realm: similar to the hell realm, in which beings pay for their past sins (specifically: greed and stinginess) by having to survive through hunger and thirst. This realm is also known as the 'ghost realm,' because some pretas are psychologically tortured by being forced to live in places their past selves have lived in. They are invisible to human beings living at that time, which pushes them to face the depths of despair and loneliness. Your typical horror movie, really.

The Human Realm: the only realm where one's actions determine their future. The status (social ranking, physical wellbeing, and so on) of a human being in this realm is determined by their past actions, but due to the fact that a person has their own conscience to differentiate good morals from bad, the actions they commit in this realm have the power to determine which realm they are sent to next.

Okay, so now that I've got that out of the way, let's shift our focus to the Book. Very little is known about the Book, but the basic fundamentals of how it works is that whatever is written in the book will come into existence only if its contents follow the rules of karma. In addition to that, only a few sentences can be written into a single page of the Book, and it must follow the current narrative of the story.

If I'm not wrong, the first time the Book was mentioned was by Fitzgerald, who wanted it to resurrect his deceased daughter in hopes of restoring his wife's mental health. The next time the Book is brought up is when Fyodor's intentions to possess it are divulged; his goal was to decimate the global population of ability-users. And now, the current arc has the Book as its central focus, with a single page in Fukuchi's possession.

[ BEAST!AU spoilers ]

The Book acts as the central point of multiverses, with each character's lives differing from universe to universe.

Dazai committing suicide in this alternate universe stands in sharp contrast with how he decided to start up a new life in the main universe.

Oda staying alive to act as a mentor to Akutagawa in the ADA differs from how Oda uses his death to prompt Dazai to "be on the side that saves people."

And of course, the way Atsushi and Akutagawa have their positions switched in the two universes depicts how different their lives would be if they were given the chance to be mentored by different people— these are just a few examples of how the Book houses an endless amount of possibilities.

[ end of BEAST!AU spoilers ]

Hypothetically speaking, this kind of reminds me of the differing realms I mentioned before, where suffering is promised in some realms, and better things are granted in the rest, depending on one's karma, or the deeds they've done in their past lives. In this scenario, perhaps one's past life can be understood as one's current life in a different universe. That's just a personal opinion though. Take it as you will.

side note: Keep in mind that the person who is more or less impervious to the Book's effect is Dazai, with his nullification ability. I wouldn't want to propose any theories in this aspect (I don't believe I'm fully fact-checked ;_;), but I could use Dazai as a raw example of how your choices affect your future. If Dazai had decided to stay in the Port Mafia after Oda's death, or if he even decided to go through with his suicidal fixations, life would've been different for him in the root universe (obviously, ryley) I mean, you could basically understand that from how he ended up in the BEAST au, but imagine if he really did slip up in his decision-making in any of the universes.

Many analysts have proposed that he went MIA (early in his life) from the main universe for a while to figure out how the BEAST universe worked, whilst having the Book to his advantage. Perhaps his actions were guided? I'm not saying he's all-knowing, but he's sure as hell smart. I'm not sure if Kafka was trying to highlight the concept of karma when it comes to Dazai, but if he is, then I suppose you could say that Dazai is pretty much unaffected by the rules of karma, existing as the centerpiece of all the multiverses. No Longer Human is the namesake of his ability, but the book talks about disqualification from societal norms and generally, the world. I was talking about it with a friend, and they reminded me that Yozo (the main protagonist) was pretty strong in his views against society. Like he didn't speak out of total defeat, he spoke out of defense. If there was anything Dazai actually lost to, it was his guilt— "Living itself is a source of sin."

Then again, that's my personal interpretation since everyone has their unique perspective of his writings. In terms of the actual adaptation, you could translate the word 'disqualification' to 'insusceptibilty' when if it came to the Book's effects on Dazai? This side note is becoming really long lmao anyways I'll link a few theories which afflicted me with brainrot down below.

Another thing before I wrap up, the name 'Decay of Angels' stemmed from Yukio Mishima's book entitled 'The Decay of An Angel.' This is the final novel to the author's tetralogy: 'The Sea of Fertility.' The main protagonist, Honda, meets a person he believes to be a reincarnation of his friend, Kiyoaki, who takes the form of a young teenage boy named Tōru. The last novel of this series enhances Mishima's dominant themes of the series as a whole:

the decay of courtly tradition in Japan

the essence and value of Buddhist philosophy and aesthetics

Mishima’s apocalyptic vision of the modern era

Again, this could be referred to what Fukuchi goes on to say:

Some people view the concept of samsara optimistically, justifying it by saying that perhaps each individual is given a second (third, fourth, fifth, who knows) chance to refine their actions in order to be birthed into a better realm, with their karma being the independent variable.

On the other hand, other people, specifically the Hindus, view the cycle of existence as some sort of plague. To them, the flow of life and being forced to endure the suffering of mere existence in any form was somewhat frowned down upon. Some Hindus viewed samsara as a trap. Besides, having one's soul being limited to a physical body for the rest of eternity was not very appealing, especially since where they ended up at depended on the karmic value their past actions surmounted.

Even so, particular types of Buddhists don't seek nirvana, but instead, like the Hindus, they make an effort to be good people of society, building up their good deeds to increase the likelihood of being reborn into one of the better realms.

As mentioned before, the Deva Realm was the home of angels, the most carefree, gratified beings to exist. Fukuchi describes these angels as the people who don't get their hands dirty, the people who act as the puppeteers of society: politicians.

In terms of parallels, angels were the most fortunate and powerful, but they didn't have anyone ruling over them. A lack of supervision would lead to the abuse of power, which is what I believe Fukuchi was referring to. Deeming himself the Decay of Angels, he sought to prove himself as the 'sign of death that falls on the nation's greed.'

A few fun facts (okay, not really) about Yukio Mishima: he committed seppuku (ritual suicide by disembowelment) on the day he held a speech to voice out his unpopular political beliefs to the public. Mishima deeply treasured traditions and opposed the modern mindset the nation was advancing forward to adapt eventually. In his last book, The Decay of an Angel, he spoke about the five signs which complete the death of an angel:

Here are the five greater signs: the once-immaculate robes are soiled, the flowers in the flowery crown fade and fall, sweat pours from the armpits, a fetid stench envelops the body, the angel is no longer happy in its proper place.

The Decay of an Angel, p.53

The reviews about this series I've read so far describe Mishima's works to be quite complex; his writings demanded a lot of time to deconstruct and understand. They were highly symbolic, and he was pretty obsessed with death and the 'spiritual barrenness of the modern world.' I think you could attach a few strings from here to the mindsets of the DOA members. Of course, this parallel is completely abstract, but I'll go on rambling anyway:

He should have armed them with the foreknowledge that would keep them from flinging themselves after their destinies, take away their wings, keep them from soaring, make them march in step with the crowd. The world does not approve of flying. Wings are dangerous weapons. They invite self-destruction before they can be used. If he had brought Isao to terms with the fools, then he could have pretended that he knew nothing of wings.

The Decay of an Angel, p.113

I suppose you could resonate Nikolai with that excerpt. As much as Fukuchi takes the lead in this whole murder association, I'd like to believe that each member of the DOA plays an equally interesting part in whatever movement they're trying to execute. Fyodor feels it is his god-sent purpose to cleanse the world of its sins, his motto being, "Let the hand of God guide you." Sigma doesn't know where he belongs, since his origination comes from a page in the Book, and is fueled by the desperation to find a reason to live. Bram holds one of the most powerful abilities which is counted to be one of the "Top Ten Calamities to Destroy the World."

What I mean to say is that the DOA members are incredibly powerful, and they're not your ordinary antagonists (or I'm just biased). It's not just overthrowing authorities, mass genocide, and world domination— you could say that each individual is trying to utilize their purposes to their fullest expenditures, and the way they're trying to assert their plan into action is a little more passive-aggressive (framing the Agency, having a convo with a suicidal dude in jail, etc). They're the gray area between evil and good. As they framed the good guys for their own crimes, they're trying to conquer the bad guys for exploiting the innocent as they please.

This post would definitely age well if all hell breaks loose in the current arc (as if it didn't) and Kafka doesn't give us a happy ending.

That's all I have to say for now I guess! Thank you for reading, and once again, if anyone else something they wanna share, feel free to do so <3

sources (tryna follow Q's example ^_^) :

the six realms

samsara

the decay of angels

beast!au

the book

the sea of fertility

yukio mishima

theory: dazai’s emotional/mental state in beast!au

q’s theory: dazai being the protector of the book

theory: beast!dazai and the book

[pale-silver-comb]

So I know absolutely nothing about Leverage except what I've been seeing you post lately and I have to admit you're making it look tempting to watch! Can I ask what are some of your favorite things about the show/reasons you would suggest people watch it? And is there really a poly relationship that is canon?

Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I am going to do my best not to just “asdfghkjl” at you and answer coherently.

In a nutshell, Leverage is about 5 people. 4 are criminals (Parker, Hardison, Eliot and Sophie) with different and unique skill-sets and 1 is an ex-insurance investigator (Nate) who, at one point or another in his career, has tracked down (or at least attempted to) the other 4. The whole show is essentially: man reluctantly reforms 4 criminals to use their criminal powers for good and 4 criminals move into man’s life and stubbornly refuse to leave because, goddammit, now they have morals. 

I’ve got a lot of favourite things about the show but the main ones are as follows:

1. Found family. And I’m not talking about loners who come together to fight crime and happen to co-exist to the point where they realise they happen to have found themselves a family. I mean, Nate and Sophie are the Drunk Uncle and Wine Aunt who somehow become Mom and Dad to 3 beautiful criminal children. Mom and Dad love their criminal babies and the kids love them (as well as each other, but we’ll come to that in a moment). You get amazing family moments such as: Mom and Dad packing the kids lunch before sending them out to kick corporate greed’s ass; Mom and Dad giving the kids ridiculously expensive and personal Christmas presents causing their most Grumpy Kid to go very very quiet and soft as he runs off to gleefully play with his new murder toy; the kids interrupting Mom and Dad’s big Movie Style Kiss to ask if they can please keep their new underground layer and huffing and puffing when Dad tells them no.

2. Found family: the OT3 edition. To answer your question, the OT3 is indeed canon, confirmed by the creator. Now, usually, “confirmed by the creator” infuriates me because most of the time it’s a way for a creator to be seen as “progressive” without doing anything to actually be progressive. That isn’t the case here. The OT3 are built up carefully and while it is obvious the creators didn’t originally intend for all 3 of them to become a relationship in the romantic sense, by mid-season 5 we are given a very clear picture of where Parker, Hardison and Eliot are heading in their relationship. There aren’t any kisses at the end to signal this but there are solid marriage vows in not only one but two episodes. (And by marriage vows I mean literal equivalents of marriage vows: “for better or worse” and “’til death do us part”. I’m not even exaggerating). The OT3 also doesn’t need explicit romantic narratives to convey how much they love each other. Their love is laced through the whole show, from the way they teach each other things to the way they respond to each other and work as a unit. The way they fiercely protect and admire each other. Like someone once said, if you need characters to kiss or say I love you to let the audience know they love each other, you are writing them wrong. 

Aside from that, each of the parings in the OT3 are just. Gah. They are so well done, with friendship being the solid basis for them all. The creators never expect the audience to assume anything about them or fill in the gaps. They give us their relationships on screen and reference many things off-screen to show us how these relationships continue to build in between episodes.

Hardison and Parker are a canon couple and date in the show: it’s approached slowly and they are so goddamned sweet. They are basically every fluffy slow-burn trope with a healthy dash of mutual pining in the mix. They are basically that quote “love is patient, love is kind”. (I would like to add their romance never becomes the focus of the show or overrides the importance of any other relationship they have with the other characters, especially Eliot.)

Hardison and Eliot are the Old Married Couple and from day one are already bickering and looking at each other/making comments that are found in every UST fic ever (not to mention Hardison has a very good knack for making Eliot grin like a little kid, when usually he’s basically an Angry Little Chef Man). They argue, they play, and love each other plain as day. 

Parker and Eliot are more subtle but every bit as wonderful. They have an unspoken connection and understand each other on a level no-one else can. Parker and Eliot are not good with giving themselves over to affection for different reasons (and Hardison plays a central role in helping them realise it’s okay to want it and have it- that boy has endless patience) but there is something so beautiful in the way the two of them come together on their own and develop their own special bond that works for them. Parker and Eliot are that trope where the characters don’t need to speak to understand each other perfectly. They just do. Their love language is a lot of the time non-verbal but speaks volumes. (Parker also likes to annoy the hell out of Eliot and Eliot....just.....lets...her. Because he’s soft. The softest, grumpiest boy.) 

I could go into so much depth for each pairing and their dynamics as a 3 but that's for another post.

3. Subverting stereotypes. There is the occasional hiccup in the show regarding stereotypes but ultimately, Leverage gets an A+ when it comes to writing characters and making them 3 dimensional people who are not defined by certain characteristics or events. Nate could so easily fall into the White Man Pain trope where he uses the trauma of losing his kid as a reason as to why he is entitled to act like a dick. Nate is a dick but he doesn’t use his pain to excuse it and I appreciate that. Hardison is a black man who is soft and nurturing. Easily the most empathetic and patient of the group. He’s nerdy, an actual genius, and has the biggest heart of all the characters. Nate is maybe the glue but Hardison is definitely the heart. Media’s usual aggressive, amongst other, racist stereotypes can fuck right off. Parker is canonically autistic (I am sure this was confirmed by one of the creators) and she is not defined by it. It’s not written as some kind of singular personality trait. It’s part of what makes up Parker but it’s only one facet of who she is and not once is her actions, thoughts or feelings treated like a joke. Sometimes people don’t understand why she does and says the things she does but it’s met with patience and fondness over the course of the show. Equally, it’s not met with over-caution. Parker is just Parker. No-one tries to change her. The other nice thing is Hardison, who always makes sure Parker knows she’s amazing because of who she is and not in spite of it. Finally, Sophie is in her 40s. She’s not treated like she’s past her prime. Ever. She’s sexy, smart and never is she pitted against or compared to Parker (who is younger) for anything. Sophie is amazing and there’s never even a conversation of “I may be older but I am still *insert adjective typically associated with younger women here*”. Sophie is possibly the first female character I’ve ever seen who isn’t just unapologetic about her age but has never had to apologise for her age. It’s a non-issue and that’s that. The women on the show are written so well, right down to secondary characters and it’s beyond refreshing.  

4.) It’s just fun. The show has a “monster of the week” type format. Except instead of a ghoul or a ghost, the monster is some corrupt wealthy and powerful individual or organisation. The show draws on real-life individuals to do this and therefore closely parallels real-life people and events. It addresses important political, economical, social and environmental issues while at the same time remaining fun and light-hearted. The characters constantly get the chance to play dress up and by GOD do they have fun with it. You get to watch Eliot beat up bad guys in the most delightful of ways, usually after a witty non-sequitur and with a weapon you’d never think could be a weapon. The dialogue and back and forth between the characters is everything. And finally - my favourite thing- the team can never resist striking a dramatic pose after they’ve taken down the bad guy, making sure the bad guy sees them. I mean, they COULD just walk away, satisfied they’ve taken the person down, but nope. They gotta be dramatic bitches 24/7 and pose like they are models for every single month of this year’s Criminal Calendar.  

5.) Competence Porn. So. Much. Competence Porn.  

Honestly, I could list a thousand reasons for why Leverage is amazing but to list them would to be spoiling so many amazing moments you’d get to discover for the first time on your own if you do choose to watch it. It’s the kind of show you can watch with an eagle-eye and sink your teeth into. But it’s also the kind of show if, you would prefer, put on in the background for something entertaining while you do something else. Each episode is about the job at hand but it’s made up of so many moments between the characters that show how much the creators and writers care about them. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll do whatever it is you do when something Soft and Wonderful happens that makes your heart melt. I am so beyond grateful for Leverage. It’s everything I always wanted in a show. Nearly every show I’ve watched in the past 10 years has disappointed me in some way, usually either because the writers run out of steam or characters who I love are treated poorly or given some kind of unnecessary “shock value” arc. Leverage doesn’t do that. Leverage is what it says on the bottle. Fandom isn’t something I joined because I needed canon fix-its. Fandom only enhances and celebrates an already excellent canon. 

[thanks-mike-stamford]

Fics that inspire my writing - Part II

This is Part II. Read Part I or Part III

Continuing the discussion, I grouped these fics together for something they have in common: author style! It was actually a bit hard choosing them because they are all written by authors who have a distinct style. Something in them that makes you recognise the author right away, that makes you think - oh yes, definitely is a story from this person. When you have a bunch of stories with the same kind of feel, it's hard to choose one to illustrate my point. Tip is: binge read the authors below!

Part II

I Used to Live Alone Before I Knew You by etothepii Back when there wasn't even s2 yet I was already reading stuff from this author. I absolutely love their fics. This one is super interesting, a Good Omens fusion book version - beyond numerous screaming posts on the internet I'm not really familiar with this universe.

Something I like in all their fics and it's worked beautifully in this one is that there's more than it seems under the surface. The characters are not an open book even to the reader, and the narrator (close Sherlock POV) doesn't give all the information. The narrator sometimes doesn't even explain the information we are given. The facts are presented piece by piece, building the layers of a character, making it clear that even if right now, for this story, it's not relevant, this person is a complex human being (or angel. Or demon) that doesn't exist solely for the purpose of the plot. Two factors help with this: the non-linear narrative, that permits we only know a part of someone when it becomes relevant; and the sort of omniscience of Sherlock. I say sort of because yes, he's a demon and he has access to the core of someone. He's able to fish for stuff that happened in someone's life and how they feel about that as a way to build their vulnerability to sin. However, this is not necessarily mind-reading or future prediction. He makes deductions based on the soul, let's put this way. But because he can't use it to predict exactly what is going to happen, he still gets surprised. Because the characters are layered, they are able to be consistent with what we know and yet unexpected, up until the end.

The combination of giving powers to the narrator and using non-linearity is brilliant, working to enhance the themes behind the plot, which are about the complexity of the human soul. I'm working on a WIP that has similar themes and I try to play with these aspects to make it smooth like this story, instead of a philosophical essay using voices of characters. I've tried the non-linear narrative in a published fic, but it didn't have the same level of success in serving the story. Let's see if it goes better when I try again.

What It Is by toyhto This author has two main things going on in their fics: the type of angst that makes you question yourself, and the type of humour that is not really about trying to make you laugh, it's a very weird type of humour. I love weird stuff.

This fic is not Toyhto's best angsty one or best humourous one, but it's one that creates a good mix of both, like a tragicomedy (but without a tragic ending). You have John not knowing how to feel about Sherlock, and Sherlock gambling possibilities on how to fix the situation. It's the narrative that fascinates me. The story keeps its cards close, the reader is often a bit uncomfortable, a bit wrong-footed. You don't know where the story is going (hell, sometimes you don't even know where a scene is going), so you keep hanging up until the end. There's an underlying panic in how characters interact, but it's never hysterical, it's never loud or obnoxious. And then you find yourself snorting in situations that shouldn't have been funny. Life is usually not one genre or the other, so why literature should be? I love that the story never tries to be something (sad, funny, intriguing), and yet it is. It's not easy to pull something like this.

I have a WIP currently on my drive folder where I try to play with this tragicomedy narrative thing. This fic inspires me in trying to keep the reader on their toes all while looking effortless.

Borrowed Ghosts by DiscordantWords DiscordantWords has been out there since 2016 showing how there's more than a way to fix canon. In fact there are multiple ways. This is the author you want to go if you watch the show and think eeh this should have gone a different way. There's probably a story in here which takes the same premise you thought about.

This one is just too incredible. Because it picks up right from a crucial point in canon and said - ok, what if everything still happened, but they actually make sense? For this story consistency is key, and if canon gave us a John Watson making bad decisions while nursing an unreliable brain work, that's what you get. But make it make sense! This is what happens when you are on a roll of bad decisions, this story tells me. This is what happens when you're isolated from what before kept you on track. This is what happens when on top of everything your mind is playing you tricks: they don't just stop because you decided to. That's not how it works. This story acknowledges the bad stuff, but to fix them it doesn't propose miracles, and it definitely doesn't ignore them. We get the consequences but we also get the process of change that is necessary for things to be good once again. Like John says: there's a difference between wishing something happened differently and wishing it hadn't happened at all. But it did happen, so now what?

Make it canon divergence but character consistency and twist it to fix it, it's what inspires me in this fic.

The Ancillus's Tale by Chryse I reiterate that everything by Chryse is a must, but everyone that follows me on twitter had to deal with me constantly gushing about their most recent work for months, so it will be this one here. I just have a lot of feelings about this fic. Oh, yes, omegaverse again, inspired by The Handmaid's Tale.

The one aspect that comes to my mind when I think about Chryse's works is dark themes. If I want to read about fucked up stuff happening, I will go to them. And this particular fix has fucked up stuff from the first to the last chapter. And it's very immersive: you get inside the head of whoever is POV at the moment, Sherlock or John. You get their physical reactions, their thoughts, you know what they know. And the world building is on point: detailed enough that is totally credible, you can see reality becoming that way, but it's not described to exhaustion. We are presented the info about what we need to know, and rest is there, somewhere at your peripheral vision where you know it exists but it doesn't become a nuisance to the plot. But more important than that, it's how the dark themes are treated. It's never on black or white situations, surprisingly, despite the universe setting. The characters especially - they are allowed to have conflicted feelings, they are allowed to misbehave even if they are supposed to be on the good side, they have nuance and complexity. And the cherry on top: just because it has a dark premise, it doesn't mean it can't have a super satisfying happy ending that even brings comfort to the soul after letting it being hurt. We get snippets of comfort, the promise it's going to happen all along the fic, to compensate the extreme suffering the characters are going through. It's glorious.

I have been toying with the idea of writing something on the dark side. In fact my next multi chapter is super fucked up (but as always, with the certainty of a happy ending), and I hope it can see the world soon. I'm writing with this premise in mind: characters are allowed to have conflicted feelings, and they are allowed to misbehave, that won't make them the bad guys.

This was part II! If you missed part I, just click here. Part III is up!

[fazfright-archive]

    ──────────────     ON  POSSESSION     .

william  afton  is  to  springtrap  ,  for  all  intents  and  purposes  ,  a  parasite  .  he’s  a  self - alienating  and  intrusive  if  not  downright  violating  presence  in  both  a  physical  and  mental  sense  .  something  i  try  to  really  heavily  emphasize  around  here  is  that  i  strongly  dislike  the  2015  portrayals  of  springtrap  separate  from  william  that  made  him  ultimately  helpless  ,  they  make  me  feel   .   .   .   pretty  uncomfortable  if  i’m  being  honest  ,  and  that  makes  me  a  little  nervous  to  explore  these  topics  ,  because  i  don’t  want  to  fall  into  that  same  narrative  .  but  at  the  end  of  the  day  ,  springtrap  being  a  vessel  to  afton  is  intrinsic  to  his  character  and  i’d  be  doing  the  canon  i’ve  built  here  a  disservice  if  i  didn’t  delve  into  it  ,  so  that’s  what  this  is  ,  an  attempt  at  an  exploration  on  how  springtrap  is  possessed  by  a  VERY  aggressive  spirit  and  how  that  effects  his  already  poor  condition  .

first  things  first  ,  spring’s  personality  is  very   .   .   .   bitter  as  established  .  as  he  should  be !  aggressiveness  is  expected  after  all  he’s  been  through  ,  it  only  makes  sense  for  a  once  cheesy  ,  cartoon - like  disposition  to  end  up  hardened  .  but  it’s  not  just  because  of  years  of  isolation  and  being  hit  with  so  many  grim  realities  a  children’s  animatronic  shouldn’t  know  .  another  big  factor  in  this  is  the  fact  that  ever  since  william  started  taking  up  space  in  his  head  ,  spring  has  been  in  a  perpetual  struggle  .  both  him  and  william  are  far  from  passive  ,  neither  is  just  going  to  roll  over  ,  but  neither  will  they  just  let  the  other  take  over  while  they  sit  as  a  passenger  either  .  

i  also  want  to  note  that  even  before  springtrap  realized  how  horrible  of  a  person  his  creator  truly  is  ,  he  still  wasn’t  just  going  to  take  the  backseat  in  his  own  body  .  that’s  a  given  .

but  back  on  topic  ,  y'know  how  some  people  say  ghosts  can  interfere  with  technology ?  i  base  my  portrayal  off  of  that  heavily  .  not  only  does  william  have  an  impact  on  general  basic  tech  around  the  fright  simply  by  being  around  it  ,  but  he  has  a  heavy  impact  on  springtrap  too  ,  which  directly  influences  that  struggle  .  i've  mentioned  a  couple  of  times  in  my  writing  that  springtrap  has  this  constant  static  in  his  head ,  that’s  from  william   ;   this  buzzing  ,  ranging  from  white  noise  to  a  cacophony  ,  ever - present  ,  making  it  harder  and  harder  to  think  the  worse  it  gets  ,  therefor  harder  to  focus  ,  making  it  easier  for  william  to  take  over  .  its  .  basically  just  that   ;   force  his  way  in  .  again  ,  this  struggle  is  practically  constant  ,  unless  william  decided  to  let  up  in  hopes  spring’ll   let  his  guard  down  ,  or  he’s  merely  too  tired  to  fight  .  that’s  another  point  i  want  to  delve  into  sometime  ,  another  one  of  my  many  issues  with  early - fandom  takes  on  springtrap  as  separate  from  william  is  how  it  was  always  just  springtrap  being  drained  by  the  tug - of - war  ,  never  the  both  of  them  ,  as  you  would  Expect  it  to  be  right  .  when  two  entities  are  always  fighting  each  other  .  but  ,  this  is  why  springs  is  always  kind  of  scatterbrained  ,  a  little  dazed  even  on  good  days  ,  why  he's  so  prone  to  spacing  out  too  .  on  good  days  ,  it's  still  there  ,  but  more  manageable  .  easier  to  smother  until  it’s  equivalent  to  ambiance  ,  springtrap  himself  is  easier  to  approach  too  ,  as  approachable  as  a  cantankerous  machine  like  him  can  be  anyway   .   .   .   which  isn’t  a  lot  ,  but  you  get  my  point  .  on  bad  days  he's  more  unresponsive  if  not  completely  shut  away  ,  detached  from  his  surroundings  and  more  focused  inward  ,  prone  to  sudden  outbursts  .  he  has  episodes  like  this  when  william  isn’t  very  active  too  ,  just  due  to  the  trauma  of  it  ,  but  there’s  a  strain  to  the  former  that  makes  the  two  distinct  from  one  another  .  at  it’s  worst  ,  he's  completely  overwhelmed  by  it  and  is  essentially  running  on  autopilot   /   instinct  ,  zero  thoughts  ,  more  .  feral  .  but  this  is  mainly  how  he  is  as  scraptrap  .

springtrap’s  twitchiness  is  also  influenced  by  william  .  he’s  already  like  that  due  to  shredded  wiring ,  but  william  makes  it  worse  .

moving  on  from  that  ,  when  william  is  in  control  ,  springtrap  is  pretty  much  almost  entirely  shut  off  or  only  vaguely   /   blearily  aware  of  what's  happening  ,  as  if  half - asleep  or  submerged  underwater  ,  or  like  he’s  hearing  it  all  from  the  next  room  over  .  and  when  william  takes  over  ,  it’s  obvious  .  the  two  biggest  give - aways  are  his  voice  completely  changing  and  his  movement  becoming  even  more  clunky  and  labored  .  basically  ,  it’s  visible  that  someone  who  this  body  doesn’t  belong  to  is  in  control  .  this  is  where  this  meta  starts  to  get  pretty  tied  to  the  guilt  one  i  wrote  ,  despite  only  even  being  able  to  know  what  william  does  when  in  control  after  the  full  possession  is  over  ,  springtrap  still  has  a  sense  of  responsibility  over  it  ,  but  i  covered  all  of  that  right  here  .  i  also  want  to  let  it  be  known  that  despite  all  i  said  up  there  ,  spring  can  shove  himself  back  to  the  metaphorical  pilot  seat  here  ,  he  would’ve  been  offline  long  before  the  fazbear’s  fright  staff  found  him  if  he  couldn’t  .  wouldn’t  have  this  blog  if  he  couldn’t !  it’s  just   .   .   .   not  exactly  easy  to  do  .

last  but  not  least  ,  william  can  attempt  to  influence  spring’s  actions  without  taking  over  completely  just  by  egging  on  any  pre - existing  anger  and  violent  impulses  .  which  is  .  a  little  odd  to  explain  .  it  SHOULD  be  easier  than  just  taking  over  and  doing  it  himself  ,  and  in  a  way  it  is  ,  i  have  no  trouble  imagining  the  internal  battle  there  bubbling  over  due  to  the  additional  goading  ,  causing  springtrap  to  lash  out  and  hurt  someone  else  .  but  also  ,  i  feel  like  in  a  roundabout  way  it’d  be  harder  too  .  more  arguing  ,  therefor  more  draining  .

this  is  a  little  messy  ,  just  generally  very  train  of  thought  from  me  ,  but  the  point  i’m  trying  to  drive  home  here  is  how  of  springtrap’s  instability  is  caused  by  all  that  he’s  been  through  and  has  happened  ,  and  how  much  of  it  is  from  afton  .  that’s  why  in  his  security  breach  au  ,  despite  still  being  harsh  mainly  towards  the  staff  ,  he’s  more  cranky  than  outright  aggressive  .  basically  mellow  in  comparison  to  how  he  was  ,  because  by  then  that  parasite  has  moved  on  .

[hibiscera]

Zatanna!

OK CONTINUING THESE. ZEE MY BELOVED.

First impression

Honestly, thinking as far back as I can I wasn't SUPER interested in Zatanna when I first found out about her? This was WAY before I got into DC proper.

Admittedly, I didn't think much of her because from everything I did see, she seemed like a character who people mostly liked for fanservice reasons and I was just bored by it. 😔

Impression now

ZEE HONEY I'M SO SORRY I WOULD WRITE YOU OFF LIKE THAT YOU ARE MY FAVORITE EVERRRR!!!!

Since G2 DCSHG kind of really kicked off me getting into DC as you see me now, that was my first major exposure to Zatanna and like... GOD I love her so much!! It hit me so hard, I immediately went and started reading through whatever comics Zatanna appeared in in general.

I loooove a girl who's a performer with a big personality, but is actually very lonely and feels like she has to push normal relationships away, and also lives in the shadow of her father, who was an even greater superhero and magician, and feels like she has to live up to that, and also could possibly lose her grip on her humanity because magic comes with a price. There is a lot of pressure on her, and she has to keep it together, especially since she deals with so many demons and those sorts.

At least, that is my personal interpretation of her and a narrative I think would be most interesting to explore with her character LOL, I find most of her canon incarnations I've read through so far though very relatable and I just adore her, she means the world to meeee. 😭

Favorite moment

Literally any moment in any canon where she just goes berserk with magic and almost kills someone/makes a mess of things. Zee loses control of her power and I lose my MIIIIND!!! I love it when my favs get pissed and lose their shit ok!!!

Also obligatory having to mention the one time in a canon comic where her and Etrigan kissed and then. Well. You know. (:

Idea for a story

I just want to write a Zeetrigan or ZeeJason fic SOOOO BAD but my bf and I have written so many scenarios for them that I have somehow forgotten ALL OF THEM!!!

But also have been entertaining the idea of my version of Zatanna's first incident with Brother Night and how that goes...

Unpopular opinion

I just think her and Constantine are better as exes who are also frenemies. They would kill and die for each other, but also they bicker a lot.

I simply do not think he could give her the stable relationship I think she needs and deserves. 😔

Favorite relationship

Okay I will talk about the usual canon ones before I go into my little fantasy about what Zatanna could have with Etrigan and Jason Blood.

First of all, Zee and Bruce. I love them so much, whenever they are shown to be good friends in anything I just. 🥺 Especially since I extremely prefer when Zee is located in Gotham, just UGHHH THE BACKGROUND THEY COULD HAVE!! Bruce having so much understanding for her once she loses Giovanni. :'|

And then, of course, Zatanna and Giovanni. 😭 Her dad who loves her soooooo much, she is his little BABY who he loves and cares about so much!!! Thinking about Zee losing him and the impact that's had on her life, especially since we see so much he is so protective of her and cares about her very much... Pain. Of course, she still talks to his ghost every month or so, but it is not the same.

And then there is the essay I could write about the relationships I think she could have with Jason Blood and Etrigan (WHICH WAS CANON ONCE!!!!), just ughhh... her pushing people away thinking she needs to be alone and him being similar and them finding comfort in one another and growing to care deeply about one another and. 🥺

Etrigan is just part of the package. Zee is a little wild!!

Also her relationship with her stage crew in the 2010 comic was cute, I like them being a little family to her. :'| Jeff Sloane can also stay but No Romance.

Favorite headcanon

Zatanna is genderfluid and I'm right. She is a wlm and a mlm and an nblm. Every gender belongs to her.

I think it was something she was a little unsure how to approach at first, always having been Giovanni's little princess. But he (as a ghost but it is still nonetheless Giovanni) is very supportive and I think Zee finds a lot of confidence in her identity very quickly. Q_Q

Also she's autistic and latino, of course. (:

[dzpenumbra]

9/6/22

Hey, guess what? It's 7 AM again. Yay.

I actually had a good day. Weird to say that, it was pouring rain all day. Most people hate that. I woke up early (for my standards) and wrote a reddit reply to a woman in her mid 50's looking for advice on a mushroom trip that she had. I feel a bit weird telling her story for her, but whatever. She took mushrooms with her son and it went great, then like 6 hours in she smoked a joint with him and she just got knocked on her ass. She said she didn't remember what happened, that her son said she was freaking out and curled up in a corner or something. Been there, more than once. She said it was like a dreamlike memory, kinda, like trying to remember a dream, I guess? I don't know, I'm editing as I'm thinking, trying to remember what it was. She said she had traumas in the past that she worked through with mushrooms, which checks out. She thought it might be a deep trauma she thought she already put to rest that came back to haunt her, but since it seemed to me like she sorta reflexively blocked out the memory, I had a feeling it might be something else. I recommended she give automatic journaling a try, like this, if she plans on engaging with that.

Writing like this, stream of consciousness, Jack Kerouac style, is really fucking helpful to get back in touch with the flow of your thinking, and really confront your own voice, your own narrative. You learn a lot more about how differently we express ourselves on paper versus out-loud... and that's not even getting into the way we express ourselves in our head. How we articulate. So my writing style has shifted to accommodate to it, which is pretty cool. I actually want to start using bold and italics more to give more inflection. I feel like it conveys emotion much better, I'm just not in the habit.

Writing like this also helps you see how you think, notice how often you stray to connected thoughts - at least I do, constantly, with dozens of options every time. I'm told not everyone's thought experience is like this, and that it's actually a bit uncommon species-wide. It can be hard to keep focus and stay on task, because curiosity and passion just drag me on tangents to explore. Like this one. When I was talking about giving that woman advice.

So I thought, since she's using the mushroom as a plant medicine/spirit medicine, and she's with her son... she's pretty clearly ready to do some shadow work. It makes sense. Especially if she's done it before, which I just kinda got the vibe. So I recommended doing automatic writing to explore that, maybe kinda like doing spirit writing as like... looking for something that's haunting you. Now that's a really cool concept. Hi ADD. So spirit writing, in sci fi horror ghosty movies and whatnot, and the beliefs those films are based off of... is basically letting your ego driver take the passenger seat for a second as you allow the "spirit", "ghost" whatever to take over and write for you. Wow, just had a profound insight that I didn't even type I was so caught up in it. Ranting at the cat again, lol. When you let the spirit - the aspect of your personality - that witnessed whatever trauma is being repressed come through little by little, through a writing process that requires attention, it can I guess filter it a bit better... regulate it a bit better than taking mushrooms or getting super high and giving that voice a stage, a microphone and a big projector screen to paint you some nice vivid images. Writing can be restricted to super simple. I am sad because I don't have friends. Or super detailed visual imagery, like my cat has been having stinkier than normal breath lately, it reminds me of my own bad breath when I've had tooth problems, and it makes me worry she might have a cavity, and I can't really get her to open her mouth to show me without trying to bite because I had to give her diarrhea medication by shoving pills down her throat with a pencil eraser when she was like 2 and I guess that just really stuck with her, and I feel bad but I can't undo it and I just try not to upset her by doing it more than I need to. I don't know if the woman would really want to go that deep into detail on her trauma right away, I think she might wanna grab the CliffNotes first and then work her way into it when she's ready.

That's a big fuckin paragraph, huh? So I sent that reddit comment, it took like an hour and a half to write it because I'm me and have to proofread shit like 3 times even if I don't edit it. She sent me a message back, I should read it before I go to sleep. Then I hopped in the shower and asked my Mom to get some cat litter, it was trash day and I forgot to get more last grocery day. I grabbed a leftover gas station sandwich (oddly feels like a luxury nowadays) and a Monster from the fridge and my Mom came over to go over house-hunting stuff.

It was a good day. We didn't fight once. She really started to understand the Twitch/bar analogy. It's really hard to get her to understand the medium, I guess. I get grumpy about it, it's like... just go and find out... but at least she's trying now.

We got on the same page about work stuff, I feel like I can go back to the clear picture I was building in my head and start working on it again. It's daunting and feels like a lot of pressure to build a virtual life in my imagination but I can start picking new pieces to add to it until the picture comes together, I don't have to do it all at once. I've built virtual worlds before, I actually enjoy it, so I don't know why I would fear it now. I can just treat my new life like a minecraft server, and just build it as I go. It does help to have a bit of a plan, though.

So I'm back in the art game, back in writing, back in music, back in streaming very soon. Maybe I start a new Rimworld game? I dunno, we'll see what I pick. Probably Minecraft or Rimworld though.

My mom just seemed more interested and it seemed like she could see the actual potential of my work. I reminded her that as much as it sucks that I truly do not choose the monetary value of my art, that does not mean I can not make a living. My only requirement is to be important enough to the people who cumulatively support my survival that they keep doing it. Enough subs/patrons/whatever that go "yes, this one right here, they have something to say that the world needs to hear", "this one has talent", "I want to spend my time here" and pledge some monthly cash towards funding my life. Any sales can be bonus, obviously going into survival and business expenses first before getting like... a game I'm not going to play on stream or something. It felt like it clicked a bit. This helped me start shaping a mental image, which has been blocked and pretty depressing lately.

The new mental image is starting to form. It's an apartment in an old renovated mill right on a river. I used to visit there sometimes on my break year from college, with some highschool friends. That feels like a lifetime ago. There, I'll be living with my cat, streaming, recording music, writing, skating, making art of differing kinds, but I won't be able to use power tools, I imagine. So the plan I devised, to cover bases, is to call up this apartment complex tomorrow to figure out what they have available - if anything, a lot of these ads seem to just lead to already rented spaces, but def worth a shot. My mom volunteered looking into work spaces, like some kind of art studio nearby where I could use power tools if I end up getting a tile cutter for cutting stone, or if I want to run an angle grinder or a dremel or something, you know, loud shit I wouldn't want to do in an apartment building. So my only concerns were loud tools, loud noises from neighbors while I'm streaming or doing a voice recording or music recording or something, and whether the place was even available. And we're teaming up to tackle 2 of those tomorrow (today). So that's really the best news I've gotten in a while.

It feels weird describing this life, it's starting to get real. I don't know why I have a negative association to it. This life I have right now is very bad, it's empirically much worse than the life I just described. But I'm not... excited. I'm not moving up there to be with friends. I'm not moving up there to be with family. Up there being 2+ hours away from where I have lived the past 10+ years. I'm escaping a collapsing roof and an over 2 year expired lease. And there's no rentals on the market under like 2.5k/month. It's really fucked. But emotionally, I really think if I had a friend up there who was like "yeah, we can chill and get you adjusted to the area" or something, I'd still be nervous but it'd be muuuuuuch easier. Instead, this is just like... what rooms am I going to be working in and barely leaving and how much stuff can I get delivered to my house. So... I'll try to keep that in mind and try to stay ahead of that, to develop and nurture social habits.

It's nice to have the gears turning. I'm still scared, but something shifted pretty massively. I mean... my Mom told me she played piano again. Like... something is changing. So I felt okay taking the night to make some comfort food and watch Twitch streams, and play some Minecraft. I felt like I had earned it. And now here I am.

I have to pee and I want to make sure I get up at a reasonable hour to call this place and hopefully not hear "sorry, we have no available units until blah blah" or "sorry, we're doing airbnb now so if you aren't paying by the day, go fuck yourself". So I'm gonna go to bed. Hoping to send reverberations of the hope I have started to regrow out there for you all, in case you need it. I hope it continues to grow.