#i really want to be as informed as possible

[sam-dugesian]

[chugs energy drink]

okay, here we go.

-

👕Appearance

What is your character's favorite physical trait they possess?

their false eyes. (i'm not going to say the rude response. i know my followers want me to. but that wouldn't even be the right answer to this question)

What would your character wear if they were told they had to gussy up?

smart shoes (ankle boots), woolly ankle socks, work/casual shirt rolled up to the elbows, steam pressed dark grey smart trousers, and a smile that shifts type depending on how they wish to portray themselves.

Is there something about your character's appearance that they would change if possible?

hair, could do with some.

Does your character have a favorite material they like to wear?

cotton when in public, wool in private.

What are your character's opinion on scars?

every scar tells a story. yes, i'm aware my oc has no scars because they have a healing factor.

How much interest does your character take in trends?

none. in fact that's kind of the point.

Is there someone your character tries to look similar to?

i don't think so.

Does your character have a physical trait that they're known for?

they are hollow inside like a balloon. they can go flat and slot into places.

What does your character smell like?

petrichor. it's often mentioned.

If your character could splurge on a particular garment, what would it be?

cycling jerseys.

Is your character's favorite color a color they wear often?

yes.

Has your character gone through major stylistic or physical changes?

yes.

What is something your character would refuse to wear?

honestly, they have no shame. they'd wear anything if need be. when actively trying to work on manipulating people though, they tend to wear a chosen outfit for that.

Is there a style your character is afraid they can’t pull off?

i don't think they can really pull any style off. i don't think they even care.

Would your character wear something someone else picked out for them?

always.

Is your character's appearance more telling or deceiving?

BOTH! depends on who he's targeting.

What are your character's thoughts on wearing costumes?

preferably not hide the face, but anything goes.

Does your character have a favorite outfit?

sweater, pajama pants and slippers.

If your character had to get a tattoo what would it be?

if they didn't have a healing factor, it would be this.

-

📦Objects

Is there an item your character doesn't like to leave without?

nope. they pretty much just wing property in general. possibly just a bag to carry things in.

What gift would your character give to someone they didn't like but felt obligated to?

themself.

What type of object is likely to catch your character's attention?

people's shoes.

Is there an item your character liked that they can’t get back? 

that's the plot of a future story.

Would your character ever try to haggle?

always. even if the price is clearly labelled.

What is something your character is proud to own?

nothing. literally. he's proud he's not dependant on material possessions.

Does your character ever spend more than they have?

no. they are very savvy with resources.

What would it take for your character to give up an item they really like?

that's the plot of a future story.

Does your character prefer to give or receive gifts?

give.

Is there a type of object your character doesn’t like?

things that are demoralising in nature. not in a sense of losing identity like a costume for kids. but things that say that a person belongs to someone. even a company logo on a uniform is a bit much.

What might an acquaintance think is a good gift for your character?

information about people my character is focussed on.

Does your character personify objects?

yes. constantly. often just to annoy others.

What does your character most enjoy shopping for?

secrets.

Is there an item your character is embarrassed they own or want?

friends.

Would your character prefer something bought or made personally?

always the personal touch.

Is your character willing to ask for things?

no.

What is most important to your character when shopping?

what other people are shopping.

-

🍽️Food and Drink

What flavor would your character say their personality is?

mint.

Would your character prefer baking, cooking or mixing drinks?

baking.

Is there a food or drink your character is unwilling to try?

salty snacks.

How big is your character's appetite?

they eat very little. their body mass is very low. they're hollow.

Does your character consider eating fun?

no.

Would your character eat or drink something they didn't like to appease someone?

always.

Is there food that has made your character sick?

salty snacks.

What is your character's favorite food group?

shellfish.

Does your character like to try new foods?

yes.

What is a childhood meal your character cherishes?

black pudding.

Is your character food motivated?

not at all. food is just sustainance.

Which mealtime is your character's favorite?

breakfast.

How much does your character care about wasting food?

a little more than he should.

Does your character prefer restaurant food or home cooked food?

home cooked.

What food or drink does your character consider a treat?

that's complicated.

Is there a food texture your character doesn't like?

hard.

What kind of drinks does your character prefer?

vegetable juice.

-

🌤️Weather and Nature

What would your character do if they were suddenly caught in the rain?

smile. probably resist the urge to dance.

Has your character had a meaningful encounter with an animal?

always.

What season would your character say they're most similar to?

spring.

Is there a natural phenomenon that scares your character?

droughts.

Has your character ever had an animal phase?

i think he's living one right now.

Would your character enjoy sky gazing?

he already does and far too much to the annoyance of those around him.

Does your character have a good sense of direction?

he has a very clear plan on where he's going. not only can he understand the landscape, he can even predict what kinds of buildings are where in a city.

What type of environment does your character like best?

wet.

Is your character good with animals?

extremely. almost to the point of appearing telepathic.

How would your character react to snow?

think it looks nice, but would rather not.

What part of nature would your character most resonate with?

small rivers.

Could your character survive in the wilderness on their own for a week or more?

where do you think they came from? that's their bread and butter.

What element best represents your character?

air.

Does your character prefer hot or cold weather?

cold.

Is there a creature that scares your character?

cone snail.

What celestial body would interest your character the most?

orion.

Is your character good with plants?

ridiculously good to the point people think he has plant magic.

How willing would your character be to nap outside?

you'd be better asking them to try and nap inside for once.

What animal would your character say best represents them?

human.

-

🤝Community and Relationships

Does your character prefer company or solitude when sick?

company. they like to study people. they get bored when alone.

What is your character's favorite kind of social event?

movie release. get a front seat, sit backwards in their chair, and watch everyone's reactions to the movie.

How comfortable would your character be singing and dancing in front of others?

too comfortable.

Is your character upfront about their feelings?

no, but they lie very well.

Who would your character first seek if they needed medical help?

their friend John. he's a doctor.

How willing would your character be to go to a party with people they don't know?

too willing.

Who is your character most honest with?

i'm still trying to figure that out.

How likely is it for your character to initiate a friendship?

too likely.

Where is your character's comfort place?

someone-else's sock drawer.

Is there a habit your character has that they learned from someone else?

yes.

Does your character have people they think would worry about them if they got injured?

many.

How would your character react to being put in a position of leadership?

they'd probably be the first person to suggest the idea.

Would your character be good at providing medical assistance?

weirdly competent.

Who would your character say knows them best?

they wouldn't answer that question. but they would be thinking of their rival Sam Wamm.

Is there a person your character would turn to for backup in a fight?

you'll have to wait and see.

Who would your character most want to sign their cast if they got one?

Sam Wamm. just curious about what he'd write.

How well does your character work with others?

too well.

What is your character's favorite form of affection?

sitting near someone-else.

Does your character enjoy celebrating holidays?

they can take it or leave it.

What would it take for your character to get into a fight?

not much.

-

💓Mind, Body and Soul

What is a habit your character has that others might find cute?

wiggling his whiskers.

Are there particular sounds your character is fond of?

bass guitar.

Is your character more prone to fight or flight?

fight. in fact that's a serious issue.

Does your character believe in myths and fairy tales?

considering they're a literal mythological creature? they are somewhat of a dreamer, which, side note, is actually really rare for his kind.

What words could tear your character down?

nothing really. in fact that's probably his best asset. he doesn't value language that highly.

How well does your character act under pressure?

he's calm, focussed and practical. it's when things are calm that kills him.

Is your character good at practicing self-care?

i'd say 50:50. it depends on the details.

What scents does your character find comforting?

i.. don't.. know.. i feel like i should. i feel like that's something he's been hiding.

Does your character have any allergies?

salt.

Is your character a light, medium or heavy sleeper?

super light, though he often fakes sleeping.

Does your character have strong willpower?

too strong.

Is your character more likely to give advice or seek it?

neither.

How does your character relax?

leaning over a ledge and watching people go about their lives below.

Is there a secret thing your character longs to hear?

yes.

Does your character have a sleep routine?

no.

Would your character feel confident in a fight?

too confident.

Is your character more energized in the morning, afternoon or at night?

night.

How often does your character have nightmares?

no comment.

Are there scents your character dislikes?

no comment.

Is there a fear your character wants to learn to overcome?

yes. and i don't think it's possible. it relies on others acting a certain way. which i'm sure they won't.

If your character had to act in a play what role would they think they’d best perform?

pretty much any role. they'd prefer one in the background. where they can watch everyone else.

Does your character have a high pain tolerance?

yes. and let me be specific. they don't lack an ability to sense pain. they have just learned how best to deal with it.

-

🎲 Hobbies and Activities

What kind of games does your character most enjoy playing?

mind games. truth or dare.

Does your character have a secret hobby?

yes.

What is a talent your character wishes they had?

the ability to be by themselves.

Is there an activity your character used to enjoy that they now dislike?

most activities.

Which does your character try to prioritize more, work or hobbies?

work.

Does your character work better with creative or technical endeavors?

inter-personal.

What is a talent that your character is proud of?

cloning himself.

Is your character more outdoorsy or indoorsy?

outdoorsy.

What is a topic your character would be excited to talk about? 

you.

Is there a skill your character doesn’t know they’re bad at?

loneliness.

Does your character have any injury stories?

lots.

What kind of music does your character enjoy?

edm.

Has your character ever made something for themselves or someone else?

yes and yes.

What is your character’s opinion on cheating in games?

they like to be challenged.

How good is your character at following through on projects?

too good.

What’s an activity that reminds your character of someone else?

no comment.

Does your character prefer music or silence?

music. but better yet chatter.

What is a topic your character wouldn't want to talk about?

no comment.

🌸My Super Long Hopefully Fun Character Ask Game:

👕Appearance

What is your character's favorite physical trait they possess?

What would your character wear if they were told they had to gussy up?

Is there something about your character's appearance that they would change if possible?

Does your character have a favorite material they like to wear?

What are your character's opinion on scars?

How much interest does your character take in trends?

Is there someone your character tries to look similar to?

Does your character have a physical trait that they're known for?

What does your character smell like?

If your character could splurge on a particular garment, what would it be?

Is your character's favorite color a color they wear often?

Has your character gone through major stylistic or physical changes?

What is something your character would refuse to wear?

Is there a style your character is afraid they can’t pull off?

Would your character wear something someone else picked out for them?

Is your character's appearance more telling or deceiving?

What are your character's thoughts on wearing costumes?

Does your character have a favorite outfit?

If your character had to get a tattoo what would it be?

📦Objects

Is there an item your character doesn't like to leave without?

What gift would your character give to someone they didn't like but felt obligated to?

What type of object is likely to catch your character's attention?

Is there an item your character liked that they can’t get back? 

Would your character ever try to haggle?

What is something your character is proud to own?

Does your character ever spend more than they have?

What would it take for your character to give up an item they really like?

Does your character prefer to give or receive gifts?

Is there a type of object your character doesn’t like?

What might an acquaintance think is a good gift for your character?

Does your character personify objects?

What does your character most enjoy shopping for?

Is there an item your character is embarrassed they own or want?

Would your character prefer something bought or made personally?

Is your character willing to ask for things?

What is most important to your character when shopping?

🍽️Food and Drink

What flavor would your character say their personality is?

Would your character prefer baking, cooking or mixing drinks?

Is there a food or drink your character is unwilling to try?

How big is your character's appetite?

Does your character consider eating fun?

Would your character eat or drink something they didn't like to appease someone?

Is there food that has made your character sick?

What is your character's favorite food group?

Does your character like to try new foods?

What is a childhood meal your character cherishes?

Is your character food motivated?

Which mealtime is your character's favorite?

How much does your character care about wasting food?

Does your character prefer restaurant food or home cooked food?

What food or drink does your character consider a treat?

Is there a food texture your character doesn't like?

What kind of drinks does your character prefer?

🌤️Weather and Nature

What would your character do if they were suddenly caught in the rain?

Has your character had a meaningful encounter with an animal?

What season would your character say they're most similar to?

Is there a natural phenomenon that scares your character?

Has your character ever had an animal phase?

Would your character enjoy sky gazing?

Does your character have a good sense of direction?

What type of environment does your character like best?

Is your character good with animals?

How would your character react to snow?

What part of nature would your character most resonate with?

Could your character survive in the wilderness on their own for a week or more?

What element best represents your character?

Does your character prefer hot or cold weather?

Is there a creature that scares your character?

What celestial body would interest your character the most?

Is your character good with plants?

How willing would your character be to nap outside?

What animal would your character say best represents them?

🤝Community and Relationships

Does your character prefer company or solitude when sick?

What is your character's favorite kind of social event?

How comfortable would your character be singing and dancing in front of others?

Is your character upfront about their feelings?

Who would your character first seek if they needed medical help?

How willing would your character be to go to a party with people they don't know?

Who is your character most honest with?

How likely is it for your character to initiate a friendship?

Where is your character's comfort place?

Is there a habit your character has that they learned from someone else?

Does your character have people they think would worry about them if they got injured?

How would your character react to being put in a position of leadership?

Would your character be good at providing medical assistance?

Who would your character say knows them best?

Is there a person your character would turn to for backup in a fight?

Who would your character most want to sign their cast if they got one?

How well does your character work with others?

What is your character's favorite form of affection?

Does your character enjoy celebrating holidays?

What would it take for your character to get into a fight?

💓Mind, Body and Soul

What is a habit your character has that others might find cute?

Are there particular sounds your character is fond of?

Is your character more prone to fight or flight?

Does your character believe in myths and fairy tales?

What words could tear your character down?

How well does your character act under pressure?

Is your character good at practicing self-care?

What scents does your character find comforting?

Does your character have any allergies?

Is your character a light, medium or heavy sleeper?

Does your character have strong willpower?

Is your character more likely to give advice or seek it?

How does your character relax?

Is there a secret thing your character longs to hear?

Does your character have a sleep routine?

Would your character feel confident in a fight?

Is your character more energized in the morning, afternoon or at night?

How often does your character have nightmares?

Are there scents your character dislikes?

Is there a fear your character wants to learn to overcome?

If your character had to act in a play what role would they think they’d best perform?

Does your character have a high pain tolerance?

🎲 Hobbies and Activities

What kind of games does your character most enjoy playing?

Does your character have a secret hobby?

What is a talent your character wishes they had?

Is there an activity your character used to enjoy that they now dislike?

Which does your character try to prioritize more, work or hobbies?

Does your character work better with creative or technical endeavors?

What is a talent that your character is proud of?

Is your character more outdoorsy or indoorsy?

What is a topic your character would be excited to talk about? 

Is there a skill your character doesn’t know they’re bad at?

Does your character have any injury stories?

What kind of music does your character enjoy?

Has your character ever made something for themselves or someone else?

What is your character’s opinion on cheating in games?

How good is your character at following through on projects?

What’s an activity that reminds your character of someone else?

Does your character prefer music or silence?

What is a topic your character wouldn't want to talk about?

[revelboo]

Your honor I am here today to say thank you for the thundercracker fics. I think I'm in love with another bot. Happy Holidays!!

TC is a sweetheart, ya gotta love him.

Me just watching the inbox go with the same morbid fascination as someone watching a train derail. 18+ 🌶️

Better Open The Door Pt 13

Thundercracker x Reader

• Shifting over you to more fully cage you under him, you’re aware of his mouth against your jaw moving hungrily to your neck. Leaving kisses and soft bites to make you squirm. “I’d do anything for you,” he murmurs and you smile at those hungry, almost reverent words, because it doesn’t feel like a line when he says it. Feels real and that almost scares you. “Take such good care of you.” Hips moving against yours, you squirm under him.

• There. Hips rolling to make you gasp again, taking his time finding where you’re most sensitive. Learning how to touch you to bring you pleasure, because he’s determined to be a good mate for you. To show you he can keep you happy. “You really are a-” You begin, trembling on a moan as he shifts against you. “Hopeless romantic,” you manage as his mouth brushes the corner of yours. Like that’s a bad thing?

• Head falling back as he alternates between quick snaps of his hips to make your toes curl and slow, rolling thrusts. “Say my name, little spark,” he growls, venting against your damp skin. “Say you’re mine.” There’s a possessive edge in those words as he keeps teasing you, helm brushing your forehead and those bright optics staring down at you like he’s looking into you, seeing all of you. “Want everyone to know you’re mine.” The intimacy and feeling of a shared breath even if he doesn’t actually need to breathe twists through you. Whispering with the temptation to stay. Would it really be so bad?

• “Thundercracker, please,” you whimper and he loses control, hips pumping against you. Driven by the need to breed you, claim you so thoroughly that every inch of you will know you’re his. Listening to those breathless pleas of yours as he growls against your skin and then you’re tightening on him again, milking his spike. Groaning as he loses his rhythm, hips moving urgently to make it last before he drives deep, and his hips settle against yours as he releases.

• Shivering and overly sensitive, you whimper when he brushes kisses against your throat. Let your fingers skim over his wings and gasp when his hips snap against yours with a growl. “Careful. Sensitive,” he murmurs, the ragged words spilling through you. Because you’d done that to him and you file the bit of information away for later, because if his wings are sensitive, you’re going to touch them as much as possible. He’d said you were his, but he’s yours, too then. “You’re perfect,” he whispers, nuzzling against your throat while your heart slowly begins to calm. And there’s an ache inside you, spreading warm and fragile with every word he says. A feeling that isn’t quite love, but could be.

Previous

[ropebunnykant]

okay sooo, this is actually part two of a post dissecting the boat scene because i have far too much to say about it, you can find part one here.

where i last left off, i was talking about how bison is asking kant to answer him after asking who forced him to work for the police, which gets us to this moment.

lauren @sunsetsover already talked a little bit about this moment here, and to reiterate what she said, this is the first time in the show where we see kant actually ask for something he needs.

now, in the early episodes, i talked a lot about how kant needs control and how he doesn't really ask for things. his tactic tends to be just taking, and again, it goes back to those control issues. and it's funny because kant, in so many ways, is a walking contradiction. he has had to be in control of everything since he was a child, a young child, which we learn in this scene as well. his control issues aren't him being an asshole, it's a coping mechanism. he's had to have everything under control, has had to have everything on his shoulders since the moment his parents died. and yet, at the same time, kant has never had any ACTUAL control over his own situation. his parents died and he was forced to take on the role of father, parent, caretaker, for babe who couldn't have been older than two or three, if that, when their parents died. and since that, every decision he's made has been a product of taking care of babe. he probably never went to college because he had to take care of babe, he never had dreams or goals because he had to look after his brother. he stole cars, he became a police informant, all so he could take care of babe, and he didn't actually have a say in any of it!

kant hasn't had a choice in anything, and he's never actually asked for or done anything for himself.

but in this moment he does. in this moment he has to. so he asks bison, in his still deadpan tone, to calm down. he tell him he'll explain everything if they get on land, and he tells him that he's scared of the ocean. this is kant at his most vulnerable, his most open, begging bison to listen to him - not just when it comes to the truth, but about what he needs in the moment. the camera pans back to show us the water again and then kant looks and some emotion finally comes back when he does, and you can see the fear in his eyes again as he tells bison he's scared. but of course bison doesn't listen. why would he?

who cares what you need, kant? who cares what you want, kant? you hurt him. you betrayed him. you told him you loved him and you lied. at least that's what bison believes.

you can see kant slowly starting to come back here. the fear and guilt slowly coming back into his expression after he'd been completely blank.

and bison lays it on thicker. tells kant how much he's hurt him.

and i think this right here. this is when kant decides to stop speaking entirely. this is when he realizes nothing he could possibly say is going to fix this. nothing is going to get him back on land. and maybe he deserves that, doesn't he? for what he did? for everything he's done?

bison asks kant outright if he gave him the necklace because he loves him but kant can't answer. not because that's not exactly why he did give bison the necklace, but because he knows bison won't believe it. kant could get on his knees right now and tell bison everything, the whole truth, but bison wouldn't believe it. bison has already made up his mind that kant never loved him, he'd be talking to a wall. and that hurts. because he knows he fucked up. he knows he lied. but that necklace was real. that necklace was kant's burger pin. he gave it to bison like he gave bison his heart and now bison is dangling it in front of him as if it's proof of the opposite.

and god this little sequence right here, too. the way bison is yelling and he's angry but he's just so hurt too. you can see it on his face in the second screenshot. he's asking because he needs kant to tell him that he doesn't love bison. that he never did. because maybe then it'll make it a little easier to put a bullet between his eyes. but kant can't tell him that. because it's not the truth. because yes kant lied, yes kant betrayed him. but loving bison was never the lie. bison is holding the proof of it in his hands, even if can't see that.

kant takes a breath here and god, again, you can see how resigned he is at this point. he can't answer bison, doesn't see a point. he knows there's nothing he can do to change bison's mind. if he says he does love bison, he'll call him a liar. and lying isn't an option anymore - not only would it not get him anywhere, but he can't do it anymore. he can't physically lie to bison anymore. he's done. there's nothing else he can say.

then bison throws the necklace in the water and tells kant to go get it and oh the fear is back again, and the heartbreak too. i think kant was thinking, hoping, that bison would just shoot him. but instead you see him realize that bison wants him to jump in the water instead. that bison wants him to drown for this. to spend his last moments in absolute fucking terror.

and god this might be the part of the scene that got me the most. kant looks at the water and he doesn't see the water in front of him. he sees a suitcase from the plane crash and he hears himself calling for his dad. he might very well be having a ptsd episode or getting close to one.

kant is so terrified in this moment but he looks at bison and bison tells him to go and kant has a choice here. for once, he has a choice. he can jump in the water like bison wants him to, or he can let bison shoot him for not listening. and the crazy part is, you would think the man so panicked over this water would choose the gun, the quick and painless way, but even here before bison threatens to push him, kant is already starting to step towards the edge. he doesn't even need to think about it. because he deserves this, doesn't he? he deserves to die in sheer terror and fear because of what he did to bison. and at least this way, maybe he can die with bison believing he loved him. maybe he can prove himself in his final act.

but he still can't actually bring himself forward yet. because he's still fucking terrified of jumping in, of what will happen. because all he can think about is when he was a kid and he almost drowned in a plane crash.

i've reached image limit again, but you can find part three here.

[causticsodaa]

What I personally think is behind Suo’s eyepatch: A Delusional Theory

The title explains itself (heed the disclaimer please), so I’ll get straight to the point.

Firstly, I believe that Suo is blind in his right eye.

Typically, eyepatches are mainly worn by people who

Are recovering from surgery

Cosplay

Have eye trauma or are half-blind

The first point is immediately negated, since it’s confirmed that Suo has been wearing an eyepatch on his right eye since middle school at the earliest. I doubt that even the most extensive eye surgeries would need him to be wearing one for years on end. Most eyepatches are made out of adhesive material, whilst Suo’s is made out of leather. I won’t dwell on this point much since I don’t think this outcome is very likely, but I just wanted to bring it up anyways (lol).

The second point could be plausible, considering that Suo voluntarily draws attention to his eyepatch in his introduction, even stating that there is “an ancient Chinese spirit sealed” in it—there’s a story behind it.

However, Nirei’s question immediately disproves this. Nii Satoru is a very deliberate writer; I don’t think there would be any reason to include Nirei’s dialogue about a ‘past accident’ (more on this later) if it wasn’t meant to serve as foreshadowing or at least be somewhat true.

Theres also the fact that Suo directly agrees with Nirei’s claim, though his wording is very vague (ie. it’s what other people say rather than Suo himself confirming it).

I believe this scene is mainly meant to showcase Suo’s goofy side (backed by Nirei’s comment about expecting Suo to be more cold/aloof and with Suo introducing himself as Leonardo di Caprio); but I also assume that he decided to make up a story about his eye because he’s been questioned about it many times in the past. It’s obviously not true, but I don’t think that Suo would voluntarily wear an eyepatch for years on end just to look cool (not to mention the depth perception issues!).

It’s also important to note that Nirei’s information is scarily accurate as well. He even figured out that Suo hated natto despite how secretive the latter is, but I digress.

This leads me to the third point, which is what most of the fandom (myself included) speculates. However, I’ll be focusing more on the prospect of Suo being half-blind.

If Suo is blind in his white eye, he would have a white iris. Although many blind characters in anime/animation have their eyes closed or just lack pupils, some do have white/clear/sheen irises:

Additionally, some people who are blind do have ‘milky’ eyes in real life!

Even other animanga characters who wear eyepatches have some sort of eye trauma (if they aren’t pirates/concealing some power/forced to give their eyeball up for a contract, though WBK isn’t that kind of story) such as Hange Zoë and Asuka Langely Soryu.

Personally, I believe that Suo had injured his right eye in the past to the point of blindness, given with the evidence presented before. I can’t really provide any theories as to how this happened due to a lack of canon evidence, but it’s probably linked to why he tells Nirei to never close his eyes. It’s highly probable his right eye is linked to a traumatic incident of his past—though anything further related to Suo’s backstory prompts an entirely different conversation.

Theres also a possibility that Suo might have been born half blind as well, and uses his eyepatch to protect/cover it; though it’s merely speculation on my part (and I’ll talk about this theory more in a bit).

You’ve probably noticed that I’m drawing a lot of attention to the color of Suo’s right eye, rather the cause of his blind eye. This is where my theory gets delusional.

Let me bring in our beloved protagonist of Wind Breaker; Sakura Haruka!

Wait, isn’t this a theory about Suo? What does Sakura have to do with Suo’s eye?

Although Sakura and Suo do have their stark differences, they’re also eerily similar (and this criteria applies to Suo + Nirei and Sakura + Nirei as well). The most prominent thing they have in common [design wise] are their ‘abnormal’ eyes (with Sakura having heterochromia, and Suo with only one eye visible), and how they’re somehow linked to some sort of past trauma. I (albeit briefly) went over how Suo’s right eye connects with a potentially traumatic incident earlier, so I’ll be focusing on Sakura in the meantime.

In the beginning of the anime, we see snippets of dialogue by people from Sakura’s past, which mainly consisted of a barrage of criticism and rude remarks towards him. This line in particular stands out to me:

Japanese society is very conformative both in real life and what we see in Sakura’s memories—being unique or looking different from the norm is 🆖. We see different people in the series poke fun at Sakura’s hair, but I feel like this comment hurts the most. You can’t exactly change your eye color easily without contacts, unlike hair in which you can style/dye it as you please (though I’m not trying to justify the mistreatment Sakura has experienced by comparing apples and oranges; simply put, it’s incredibly vile).

Because of the above, Sakura has been consistently ostracized in the past mainly due to his ‘weird’ appearance. This causes him to internalize those sentiments for years on end before coming to Furin. He then begins to project his insecurities externally throughout the manga whether it relates to his leadership skills or how he interacts with the other students (initially questioning why people can accept him given his ‘strange’ appearance and mannerisms). There’s also this:

Sakura used to cover his hair and eyes with hats/sunglasses, however it failed to work as people still avoided him. This is even shown in the anime!

Poor kid took all those comments to heart and internalized it to the point it essentially crippled his self-esteem—but who wouldn’t, honestly? Being constantly alienated and perceived as ‘disgusting’ by others causes a sense of distrust to a person, especially during their developmental stages (as Sakura experienced most of this as a child/teen), hence why I’m classifying this as traumatic for Sakura. Even though he’s in a better place now, the ghosts of his past still haunt and affect him to this day.

Since Suo + Sakura are written to foil/parallel each other at times, there is a chance that Suo might have also covered his eye for a similar reason to Sakura’s: he doesn’t want other people to know he is blind (either to not be perceived as weak, or Suo was ashamed of for a different reason—perhaps other people thought his blind eye was scary?). Maybe Suo was born with a blind eye, much like how Sakura was born with a “half and half” appearance.

As I’ve mentioned before, Sakura has heterochromia (wow no shit Sherlock); his left eye is yellow, while his right is black[ish-grey] (his eye is sometimes colored a light grey/blue but thats usually a stylistic choice)

Both Sakura and Suo’s character colors are based off their left eyes: Sakura’s being an amber and Suo’s being red (rather than mainly sappanwood but its a shade of red anyways—and Suo is usually represented with a bold red in other official/merch art so shhhh)

And if we were to follow my theory, Suo would hypothetically have a milky colored right eye and a red iris for his left as in canon. Do you see where I’m going with this?

Both Sakura and Suo would have their character color as their right eye (amber and red respectively), while their left eyes (black and white) would contrast each other. Black and white are considered opposites, after all.

If my (delulu) theory holds true, this could perfectly showcase Suo and Sakura’s differences and similarities—but instead of it being almost hidden through the layers of their unspoken relationship, they are physically represented through their character designs.

Okay, I know you’re probably thinking that this theory is too far fetched (hell, even I think the same). But hear me out:

There is another duo in Wind Breaker who have character designs that contrast each other: Togame and Choji!

Nii Satoru makes it a point to emphasize how different these two are—and it’s no secret given their designs: Togame is tall, beefier, and has straight dark hair while Choji is short, lankier, with light and curlier hair. Even their eyes contrast each other; Togame’s are thin, slanted, and green while Choji’s are wide, round and red[dish brown]. (I KNOW THAT HIS EYES ARE MORE BROWN IN THE ANIME BUT THEYRE COLORED RED SOMETIMES BY NIISATO PLEASE TRUST ME ON THIS)

Honestly, this entire section makes me want analyze Choji and Togame (must… control… my demons…), so I’ll just move on to my next point.

Additionally, Sakura is sometimes drawn with his hair slicked back, which makes him look eerily similar to Umemiya…

I believe this is entirely intentional by Nii-sensei, but if I speak any more I fear that I will start rambling about Umemiya/Sakura parallels like a madman. My point is, two characters with similar/contrasting designs do already exist in WBK.

And in the case of Suo and Sakura, these two elements could possibly coexist in their character designs via their ‘irregular’ eyes.

TLDR; Suo and Sakura are the only characters in the cast with messed up eyes -> If Suo’s blind in his right eye, it would be white -> which would contrast Sakura’s black iris thats also in his right eye -> this shows their differences -> but also reinforces the fact that they are similar since their left eyes are red and amber -> which are their character colors -> I am severely delusional -> and I need to be euthanized immediately

[genderqueerdykes]

I can't reply to the post directly but I saw a post where you were talking about trans masc erasure especially when you were in college and like....I feel it. I started college in 2003 and identified as a cis butch lesbian because I didn't know there was anything else to be, but also MOST IMPORTANTLY because my "resources" and info on trans men were basically Boys Don't Cry, which every lesbian I knew referred to as a lesbian film and Brandon Teena as a lesbian. There were also vague comments from time to time about Chaz Bono at some point, but again, everyone around me was referring to him as a "confused lesbian". What's frustrating these days is that while there is more information out there and more spaces, there still isn't enough. Like, I learned basically everything I know about my body from Gen Z friends who had better education and affirming teachers. And also finding space when you're almost 40 is an impossible task sometimes. At almost every trans masc group I've attended I've been the oldest by almost 10 or sometimes almost 15 years. It's a really lonely experience. A handful of times we've had moderators who are young and not trans masc and they've talked over me and tried to "correct" the language I use to talk about my experiences - for example, I call myself FTM, and I also say things like "when I was presenting as a woman" or "when I thought I was a lesbian". I use this language intentionally because there were over 30 years of my life where I had no idea of the possibility that I could be anything but a woman and that IS how I identified, and there are over 30 years of experience with that identity that I am still recovering from and that shaped the course of my life in a way that's difficult or impossible to explain without acknowledging it. Part of our erasure unfortunately comes within the community and people not listening to the experiences of others whose journey doesn't line up with the plot beats of a cinematic, linear coming out story (not to knock that if someone has it! But leave room for those of us who don't!). Even though I'm on T and have had top surgery, there's still so much I've had to figure out myself and it's a lonely life. I don't know how to date or make connections (or even if I should! I'm aromantic which I think complicates things sometimes). Anyway I don't know if any of this is relevant but like. I just wanted to say I relate to the erasure stuff. Wouldn't change who I am for anything, but I would change the world in which I had to figure it out.

im really sorry you can relate to this, it affects so many people and a lot of people are proud to say they don't care. it's not okay. trans men and mascs need community irl. i'm bet things were way harder back then, i can't even imagine how hard it must've been to talk about being transmasculine in 2003.

im going to keep my reply brief because i do not want to distract from your experience

[d3lly1000]

I finally watched Sonic 3!!!!! (IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE)

I had been holding back so I could talk without worrying about spoilers, but I think I can now comment on my general opinion of the movie.

There will be spoilers, so you have been warned!

I’ll admit that I found the first act a bit rushed. I understand that they had a lot of characters to “reintroduce” and new ones to add (especially Shadow), but I felt a bit lost with what was happening—it was really convenient how the script handled a lot of things just to get to the point.

For example: Shadow attacking in Japan with no real explanation, Rockwell quickly finding Sonic and the others. Even Commander Walters showed up just to explain what happened in the past, only to die unexpectedly right after. Even though he's not a particularly memorable character, I felt like his death didn’t carry the weight it should have, even for Team Sonic who witnessed it.

There was also the fact that a lot of what happened in the first act had already been revealed in the trailers and TV spots, which kind of deflated my excitement, knowing what was going to happen. But as I said, things were happening so fast that I couldn’t process all the information right away! XD

I have to say, I absolutely love the interactions between all the characters. The relationships and how they were developed felt so unique to me. I’ve always had the headcanon that Knuckles, Tails, and Sonic acted like siblings, and in the movies, I got to witness that in a meaningful and very loving way (shoutout to Tails saving Sonic and Knuckles protecting them, my boys <3).

One of my favorite scenes is definitely the argument between Knuckles and Sonic, as it really shows their maturity. It shows how much they are changing with each movie, which is so valuable to me because it demonstrates that the characters are really learning from their experiences. In a franchise, this deepens their moral journey and enriches who they are — it’s truly wonderful.

Speaking of siblings, I can’t not talk about Maria and Shadow. Right from the beginning, I could already feel the heartache hearing Live and Learn in an acoustic version. I think for fans who know how iconic this song is for the franchise, the idea that MARIA COULD HAVE BEEN THE ORIGINAL COMPOSER of it (at least in the SCU) hits so hard.

The narrative of Shadow talking about Maria always moved me, and the film managed to emphasize what she meant to Shadow in such a sweet way. Seeing the scene where Shadow recalls the day of the accident and then carrying the Eclipse Cannon gave me chills.

The parallels between Sonic/Shadow and Tom/Maria were something I was really looking forward to! The franchise often makes these types of comparisons between characters, not just in the games but also in the movies. As I mentioned before, I think this makes everything richer — it gives you a new perspective and helps you understand the complexity of characters by revisiting the "same memory" through a different person. I love when they do that!

ABOUT THE FIGHT SCENES, ALL OF THEM. I was breathless! I have to confess I was cursing A LOT during the third act. It was so epic, something you wouldn’t even think you'd see! Super Form battles were such a great concept for the situation, seeing Sonic get so angry really fed my fan dream of seeing him want to destroy everything XDD. Shadow literally crushed him, both physically and mentally. He REALLY IS THE STAR of this movie. The whole year was his. And he delivered in every possible media!

((I screamed so much when they did the pose, Live and Learn, it was so epic.))

Jim Carrey’s performance is always amazing. I’m still stunned at how naturally Gerald and Eggman felt together. It really seemed like a completely different actor, and that’s insane! I think the only thing I wish we’d seen more of was scenes between Gerald and Maria in the past, but who knows, maybe they’re planning something for a "Shadow solo spin-off."

The light shines, even when the star dies. – I was already emotionally losing it inside, there were just so many things to process.

AND THE POST-CREDITS SCENE HAUSFHSAIFHGVSNUHGUSAHGUSAH

OK OK I’M >TOTALLY< NORMAL ABOUT MY BABIES

Literally my two FAVORITES showed up. METAL WILL BE THE MAIN VILLAIN, I have so many theories and DEFINITELY it will be an adaptation of Heroes and CD. I CAN'T WAIT to see him in action, the whole Artificial vs. Natural thing is something that really resonates with me in the rivalry between him and Sonic.

AND HAUSHFUASFHUASFH AMY MY GIRL!!!

She’s so cool, she appeared in SUCH A UNIQUE way, the cracked moon in the background, revealing herself by taking off the hood... I can’t wait to see her in 2027... I need it so much aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I definitely loved the movie a lot. I still want to rewatch it in English since I saw it dubbed in my language, but I think I’d give it an 8.5/10 or 9/10! YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS MOVIE!! I’m still shaking remembering the action scene sahufzahghaghs

[yourcutelittlegayfriend]

hi hope your having a good day!

do you have any headcanons for a yandere Clark Kent, I just think he's neat

Hi! I have slightly great day actually but I hope yours is much better!

In regards to Headcannons about Sups yes, Superman really is a pretty great character loved the guy since I saw him on TV but kinda scared about how they keep making evil superman these days, anyway lemme just open my old notes and please forgive me for typos this isn't really proofread much.

Yandere Clark Kent/SuperMan

HeadCannons

[General, Platonic and Romantic]

General

In the terms of a yandere Clark I think he's somewhat-

Obsessive - loves to pick up even the tiniest things you do or the little stuff that makes you -You! especially with that perfect vision that can literally see for miles.

Example: The tiny baby hairs that curls at your nape when you tie your hair up, The habit you do when something catches your eye or interest and even the slight twitch of your muscle when you're about to do something.

Controlling - but I say he let's you have some freedom, this golden boy is raised by the Kents to hold his temper when things doesn't go his way-

Like when you disagree with what he wants he will then try to hear out your reason first and maybe work something out, it breaks his heart to see you angry, distress or just sad.

But if it's been life or death? your life and wellbeing on the line? There's no talking your way out of this, his words are final.

Hero Complex - He thinks its his responsibility to protect and save you from everything, He's Superman, Man of Steel and a Hero, Yes of course you can get groceries for yourself but atleast let him come with you, you don't know what some people are planning or what goes inside their head until you just find yourself at the end of the barrel of a gun.

[Platonic]

As a Yandere Platonic it's like just in a very over protective family.

Whether you're like a parental figure, a sibling or even like his own child, He'll become to protective over you.

If he ever has the chance to show you of he will but not to the point of telling anyone everything about you, they'll know who you are, your name , what you are or relation to him and what you do but that's it, he'll try to avoid anymore discussion or talks about you, he gets to keep that informations to himself.

Like how you really like your puppy and you want everyone to know you have one but you won't let them pet it or even just look at them in general, it's your puppy, you're not obligated to share them to people.

Very family Oriented guy, he likes to have his family close to him and celebrate any important events with everyone, memories are precious and he wants to keep them forever, we have this thing here -a culture you might say- where in some families it's not really required or force upon the children to move out and become independent sometimes it's still okay to live under the same roof with your grandparents, parents, siblings, in laws, along with your wife and children and your siblings children (dear lord u don't know how true this is in my country)

I like to think that if you want to be a bit independent to Clark, he'll be like 'Oh! I understand so I thought about this instead'-

and literally build either a separate house that reaches his parents farm house in one full walk or extended the house where you get your own space and still be with the family.

He coddles you even more when you don't have superpowers or is a kryptonian, He freaks out when your hurt and acts like you'll die from a little scratch after falling, still kept baby proofing the house even if you become an adult

You can use accidents or possible injuries as a leverage but you can never talk or joke about kys because he will literally get angry with you and gives you lecture about how important your life is.

[Romantic]

As a romantic yandere I think he's a bit on the Hopeless Romantic side.

Believes in love at first sight or soulmates and continue to fall more and more in love with you day by day, thinks about how romantic it is to swoop in and save you as Superman, likes to pop out everytime you stand on your balcony and sneak up on you and how you fit right in his arms as he carries you in the sky with you and him alone above everything and everyone.

Will give you gifts that has more sentimental value than the price tag, like the scarf his Ma made even meals and treats for you, simple things maybe art supplies or notebook for journaling and if he can get a good raise he'll get you that jewelry that brings out your beauty, he loves to see anything he gifts to you on your person a bit like marking on you that kind of stuff.

Doesn't really like Poly-relationship, he's not really against it but He likes to keep you to himself, you're both made for each other and he likes to keep it that way.

Family - adding this again but really wants to get married to you soon after like what 2-3 dates? wants you to move in and become a stay at home spouse where you'll spend more time with his folks and maybe take care of the kids.

Is dying to see you round and prego like goodness lord you are even hotter to him when you stand there either cooking or walking around with your hand on your hip and the other under that bump may or may not.

If you're willing in this relationship maybe 2-3 kids? if not forced pregnancy might become possible.

And if you can't have kids it's alright adoption is available, he would still look like a highschool boy in love when you hold a baby or a tiny kid in your arms

I'm a bit soft on my Yandere stuff so a bit srry for that

And that's all I got for the Big Man supes, I hope you like this and I hope did this right, been writing this one at 3am, Thanks for the ask btw.

[beef-brisket]

Michael chuckled and sat in a nearby chair. He was obviously too tall for it, and the size difference was almost comical.

Michael: Now now, brother. Where's the fun in that? Besides, I doubt you'd hear me all the way up here.

Adam tensed as Michael's gaze shifted from Lucifer to him.

Michael: Adam. I like the new look. I had a feeling you'd be more bird like, it suits you.

Qdam: I- really? You think so?

Michael: Oh, definitely. And I see I have more nieces and nephews. I would have appreciated a card to inform me of their birth, but I don't expect such things of you anymore, Lucifer. Too used to your own company to remember anyone else.

Lucifer glared: I like to keep these things private, Michael.

Michael: Oh yes. I know. I trust the pregnancy wasn't to rough on you, Adam.

Adam: Uh- this litter was a bit bigger, so that was a struggle. But Lucifer was a big help.

Michael: As he should be. Well, now. Looking at your size, you should more than be able to carry a full litter. I'm assuming you two are far from finished populating the earth.

Lucifer: Brother, please-.

Adam: Far from it!

Michael smiled: Very good. I'm pleased to hear it. Your children are always so darling, aren't they? Now, brother. I've heard a few rumours through the grapevine I'm sure you would like to hear about.

Lucifer raised an eyebrow: Oh? What rumours?

Michael: ...Father is up to something.

Lucifer sighed: When isn't he. Is that really it, Michael?

Michael smirked: Aren't you impatient. And here I thought you'd want to know every detail and whereabouts of the man who wants to turn your children and mate into fertiliser. But no, I guess not.

Lucifer growled and crawled over to Michael, getting into his face. He rose himself to his full height, trying to intimidate his older brother.

Lucifer: Watch what you say, brother. Now, tell me what he's up to.

Michael smiled up at his brother, clearly not intimidated. Adam remembered that the first time he met Michael. As he left, his form changed into something more monstrous. It sent chills down Adam's spine just recalling it.

But he thinks there's more to Michael than he shows. He tries to appear more human, but Adam knows better. He always has an uncomfortable feeling looking at him. He's kind enough, but Adam can't help but feel there's something else just beneath the surface.

Michael: Oh, calm down before you make a fool of yourself. I believe father is planning on putting an end to your union with Adam. I've noticed a few things in the forest. The animals had disappeared a few weeks ago, like they knew something was here. Then, a few days ago, they returned.

Lucifer: How interesting, anything else?

Adam: Lu. Let him speak.

Michael: Thank you, Adam. As I was saying. A few days ago, the animals returned. Mainly deer and boars. Some rabbits. But their different. Their like a cheap mimic, and that mimic doesn't know how these animals moved or walked. I hunted a deer a day or so ago, and it attacked. It even started to change, but I killed it before that happened. It's not safe here, Lucifer. I believe father is making this location as deadly as possible, so when the time comes for him to strike, you and Adam will be outnumbered.

Adam: I'm one of you now- I can protect them, your dad shouldn't hate me now, right?

Michael sighed: I'm sorry, Adam. But father... he knows you were human. He'll see this as a mockery of our species. He's even gathering out siblings, Lucifer. Telling them lies about Adam, deadly lies. Turning them against him... Azael and Uriel are already geared up for a fight. A big one. They wouldn't tell me what was happening. It seems I've been shunned for the most part.

Lucifer: Shit... what do you suggest?

Michael: Well, that's the smartest question you've asked all year! You run, brother. Take your children, and run... but, at this stage, you'll be a danger to them.

Lucifer: I'm not leaving him.

Michael: I know. I wasn't directing that to you.

Lucifer slowly turned to Adam who was staring at Michael.

Adam: ...I'm the danger. I'm putting them in danger.

Michael: ...Unfortunately.

Monster under the bed au where Lucifer is a monster and "terrorizing" Adam?

And by terrorizing, I mean fucking. Grossly. Disgustingly.

Complete monster porn.

Oh no, are my kinks coming out again? Oh well 😉

🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵

Don't tease me with a hot au lol

Oh, what if Adam bought a new house and that's when it starts?

[himasgod]

When you whisper to them what you want to do with them tonight

All the Characters!

(Hi everyone, it's been a while since I last wrote, so I'm back with a bang! First of all, a quick warning, my idea was to make this nsfw, but since it's impossible for me to think of some characters in that kind of situations, I've tried to make it as neutral and non-specific as possible so that everyone can adapt their ideas and imagination. Also, sorry if there are any spelling mistakes, I really find it very, very difficult to write with the pronouns they because I'm not used to them 😭Enjoy!)

They stand still for a moment, but then lets out a low, raw laugh. They stand up, turning to you with a look full of determination. “So this is what you planned. Very well, I like the way you think.” Their tone is authoritative but laden with desire. They take your face in their hands and, without hesitation, kisses you deeply, making it clear that theyre willing to put everything aside for you tonight.

Wriothesley, Kamisato Ayato, Mavuika, Keqing, Eula

They look at you with a mix of surprise and excitement, their smile widening. “That sounds like a challenge… and you know how much I love challenges.” Before you can respond, they pull you closer, letting their laugh morph into something lower and deeper. “Show me, but don’t be surprised if I have a few tricks up my sleeve, too.”

Yelan, Lyney, Yae Miko, Kaeya, Heizou

They stop what they're doing, their jaw tensing for a moment as they process your words. They slowly turns to you, their gaze steady and deep. "If you want me to break the rules, you better be ready for the consequences." Their tone are low, almost a challenge. Though they don't quite show it, the spark in their eyes reveals that they're willing to put their rigidity aside… just to please you.

Neuvillette, Tighnari, Zhongli, Raiden Shogun, Xiao, Shenhe, Kujou Sara.

They stop what they're doing, their expression remaining neutral, but you can notice their gaze darkening slightly. They turns to you, getting close enough for you to feel the warmth of their skin. "That sounds interesting… but I'll need a demonstration to convince me." Their tone is low and teasing, and though they seem relaxed, their posture makes it clear that they're more than willing to let themselves go in the moment.

Kinich, Cyno, Clorinde, Chasca, Aether, Lumine, Xilonen, Lynette, Rosaria

They froze for a second, as if they're processing the information. Slowly, they turns to you, their eyes boring into yours with overwhelming intensity and a teasing smile. "If you wanted my attention, you have it all now. What do you intend to do with it?" Their words are a veiled challenge, and though they maintain their composure, you can see the fire igniting behind their gaze. They took your hand firmly, leading you towards them, determined to explore what you've begun.

Dainsleif, Scaramouche, Alhaitham, Diluc, Raiden Ei, Mona, Chiori.

They pause, their face tinted with a soft blush as a warm smile forms on their lips. "You think so?" Their voice is soft, but there's clear emotion in it. They turns to you, taking your hands gently. "If that's what you want, I'm not going to resist." Though they're shy at first, their desire to please you leads them to completely give in.

Ganyu, Chongyun, Jean, Gorou, Noelle, Mika

She look straight at you, her eyebrows raised and a confident smile on her face. "Mess up, you say? That sounds like a challenge." Without losing the control that characterizes her so much, she leans towards you, getting close enough for her presence to completely envelop you. "I hope you're ready for what you've started, because I don't plan on stopping."

Arlecchino, Ningguang, Kuki Shinobu, Chevreuse, Yanfei, La Signora, Faruzan, Xianyun

They turns to you, their eyes shining with excitement and a wide smile. "Try new things? I think that's a fantastic idea." They take your hands and pulls you towards them, clearly excited by the idea of ​​doing something special together. Their energy is contagious, and they makes sure that every moment with you is unforgettable.

Furina, Mualani, Barbara, Nilou, Thoma, Amber, Kirara, Candace

They pause, their eyes meeting yours as a soft, shy smile appears on their face. "All my passion? I think I can do that." They leans into you, their movements slow but charged with emotion, letting their touch convey everything they feel. Their connection with you is deep, and they makes sure every moment is special.

Kazuha, Citlali, Yun Jin, Razor

They looks at you with a mischievous smile, their eyes sparkling with excitement. "All my energy? I think I can arrange that." They take your hand and leads you to a more private location, making sure every moment is as vibrant and exciting as they are. Their spontaneity makes the experience unforgettable, and they makes sure you're the center of their attention.

Arattaki Itto, Bennett, Xiangling, Xinyan.

They chuckled softly, turning to you with that mischievous spark in their eyes. "Oh yeah? Then let's not waste any time." Without hesitation, they takes you by the hand and leads you somewhere else, making sure the fun continues, but now just between the two of you.

Venti, Kaveh, Hu Tao, Navia, Yoimiya

They smiled, stopping what theyre doing before turning to you. Their gaze is warm but full of desire. "I can do that… and more." They take you in their arms, making sure you feel like the center of their world as they respond to your words with much more intense actions.

Baizhu, Lisa, Gaming, Charlotte

They blushes deeply, their eyes drifting to the floor as a shy smile appears on their face. "That sounds… wonderful." Though they seem a little nervous at first, they quickly perks up, taking your hand and gently caressing it. "Tell me more… or better yet, show me."

Ororon, Fischl, Freminet, Layla, Collei

They close the book carefully, as if every move is calculated. Their eyes search you, and though their gaze is calm, you can sense the intensity behind it. “If that’s what you want, I’m not going to stop you.” Their voice is low, almost a whisper, as they takes your hand and pulls you towards them, making sure every movement is as deep and meaningful as their words.

Ayaka, Xingqiu

They blinks, clearly taken by surprise, and their face is tinted with a slight blush. “That sounds… interesting.” Their voice is a low murmur, almost nervous, but you can sense the curiosity behind their words. They set the book aside and, although somewhat awkward, pulls you towards them. “Maybe I need a little help understanding your intentions… can you explain them better?” You can tell they're willing to go with the flow, even if it’s something new for them.

Albedo, Sucrose, Kokomi, Emilie

hey guys i came back i based myself on mbti to do this ngl

[creature-wizard]

Someone once asked me how I use psychology in my witchcraft, and I never got around to answering it. So I figured I should do that.

The basic answer is that I ask myself, "does this take advantage of something we know about how the human mind works; or might it have psychologically unhealthy consequences?"

For example, I remember reading somewhere that washing up can make people feel as if they've been emotionally or spiritually cleansed. So if someone asks how they can move past a bad point in their life, I'm probably going to recommend some kind of bath or shower ritual.

I also know that our subconscious minds process information and often come to fairly reasonable conclusions without our even realizing it. So if someone's having difficulty making a choice even after doing the best possible research they can, or where there's just no objectively "best" choice, I might suggest using a pendulum to sort it out.

I know that the brain tends to internalize repeated information, so I'm down with healthy affirmations.

I know that people respond to symbols, both consciously and subconsciously. So if someone wanted to feel more confident, I see no reason why creating a spell jar full of things associated with confidence wouldn't provide some benefit if they kept it in a visible place.

I know that energy healing practices can at the very least help people relax. While I would never, ever suggest that someone pays huge amounts of money or uses energy healing in place of evidence-based medicine (never use anything to replace evidence-based medicine), I'm down for using the techniques on yourself or on your friends, or watching ASMR reiki videos on YouTube.

And on the other hand, I don't really put much stock in spells or practices that target an unaware third party. For example, I don't think death or misfortune curses are especially likely to work. I also think that in some cases, they might just reinforce a fixation on revenge that actually hinders the caster's path to emotional healing and finding healthy coping mechanisms.

So yeah, that about sums up how I view magic though a psychological paradigm - I ask myself how a technique might take advantage of something we know about the human mind, and whether it might have psychologically unhealthy consequences.

[writingxfootballl]

i wanna be the one (that makes your day) (jessie fleming x ucla!reader)

the part two to i'll be your biggest fan (and you'll be mine)

word count: 1407 ish

rating: F for fluffy

title- best friend by rex orange county

a/n: again, unedited. part of my fic dump. not guaranteed spelling errors and plot hole free

----

it’s been exactly one month since you left california for oxford.

and in that month, you’ve felt the full weight of the transition.

the chill of the english weather, the constant rush of new information, and the distinct absence of a certain messy-haired canadian soccer player.

you’d been so determined to focus on your studies, on the prestigious rhodes scholarship that had brought you here, that the thought of jessie—of her—had taken a backseat.

but that didn’t mean she was far from your mind. because she wasn’t.

she never really was.

it’s just that, here, in oxford, it felt… different.

the landscape was so vast, so old, the buildings so steeped in history. everything felt so distant, so foreign.

it wasn’t the kind of place where a casual coffee date or library study sessions felt possible.

but that didn’t stop you from wondering if you might see her again.

and then, one crisp morning, while you were walking across radcliffe square, there she was.

jessie fleming, on a freaking london bus, looking effortlessly beautiful in a puffer jacket and jeans.

you freeze in place, breath hitching, your heart skipping.

you hadn’t expected to see her in england, let alone in oxford, and definitely not in this exact moment.

the last time you saw her, she was standing on the bleachers in sunny california, asking you out on a date.

you had kissed her. it was perfect.

and then she had flown back to london for her training with chelsea.

you still have the little text you sent her: "thinking of you. hope practice is going well. "

it was cute. she replied with something equally sweet.

and then you both agreed that you’d keep in touch.

you hadn’t realized how much you'd missed her until this very moment.

you panic for a second, unsure what to do.

should you wave?

run over?

act cool and pretend you weren’t feeling a little lightheaded?

before you can decide, jessie’s eyes meet yours.

they soften immediately, her lips curling into that familiar smile, and just like that, you’re moving without thinking.

she’s already walking toward you, her boots tapping along the stone path, her hands shoved deep into her pockets.

“hey, y/n,” she says, her voice warm.

“fancy seeing you here.”

your heart swells.

“jessie! what—what are you doing here?”

“i think that’s my question for you,” she teases, stopping in front of you.

“i was just in london for training and thought i’d visit oxford for a bit. nice to see you’ve finally joined the world of us english folk.”

you laugh, trying to mask the butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

“i didn’t know you’d be here. i’m just, you know, studying. trying to become a fancy oxford student or whatever.”

“fancy, huh?”

jessie quirks an eyebrow.

“you look more like you belong in california than in england.”

“yeah, well, i don’t know if i’ll ever get used to the rain. or the weather, for that matter,” you say with a small, self-deprecating chuckle.

“i like it,” she shrugs, grinning.

“it’s cozy. but maybe that’s because i grew up with it.”

“right,” you mutter, glancing down at your boots and feeling suddenly nervous again.

“so what’s the plan? are you here for long?”

“nah, just a couple of days,” she says, looking around with interest.

“but i could always stay longer. what about you? got any plans for the day?”

you hesitate, thoughts running wild. “um, not really. just… studying. you know, the usual.”

jessie smiles knowingly, and before you can blink, she’s offering her arm to you.

“well, if you’re not doing anything, you want to come grab a coffee with me?”

you try to keep your cool.

“a coffee?” you repeat, almost disbelieving.

“as in, just us? hanging out?”

jessie tilts her head, amusement dancing in her eyes. “yeah, just us. no big deal.”

you’re pretty sure your heart is about to burst out of your chest, but you manage to nod, trying to hide the giddiness creeping up.

“sure, i’d love to.”

and so, the two of you stroll through the cobbled streets of oxford, coffee cups in hand, casually talking about everything and nothing.

the conversation flows effortlessly, like you’ve known each other for years, like time and space hadn’t really interrupted your connection.

“so how’s chelsea?” you ask, as you both take a seat on one of the benches overlooking the river.

“it’s been great,” she replies, looking genuinely happy.

“lots of training, a few matches here and there. and you? how’s oxford? is it everything you thought it’d be?”

you think for a moment.

“yeah. and no. i mean, it’s exactly what i expected academically, but i didn’t know how lonely it would feel sometimes. like, everyone’s so driven, and it’s kind of… overwhelming.”

jessie nods, her gaze softening.

“i get that. being away from home is hard, but you’re doing it, right? you’ve got this.”

you smile, warmed by her words.

“thanks, jessie. i appreciate that.”

“of course,” she replies, her voice gentle.

“besides, we’ve both got big things going on, right? you with the rhodes, me with the team... we’re kind of a power couple, if you think about it.”

you laugh, the sound coming out more nervous than you intend.

“power couple? is that what we are?”

jessie’s grin widens.

“why not?”

and for the rest of the afternoon, you both walk around oxford, talking about life, about what you miss, about your plans for the future.

the conversation flows with ease, like you’ve always been in each other’s orbit, like nothing has really changed.

by the time the sun begins to set, painting the sky in shades of pink and purple, jessie turns to you, her smile softening.

“i’m really glad we’re doing this,” she says quietly. “i’ve missed you.”

you swallow hard, your chest tightening.

“i’ve missed you too.”

“i mean it,” she continues.

“i know we’re both busy, and i know this whole long-distance thing isn’t easy, but... i want to see you more. when you’re free, come to london. i’ll show you around.”

the warmth in her words melts you completely.

“i’d love that,” you whisper. “i’d really love that.”

“good,” she says with a wink.

“because i’ve already got a few ideas for our next date.”

you laugh, your heart fluttering.

“a date, huh?”

jessie shrugs, looking casually cool.

“we did kind of kiss last time i checked, so i think it counts.”

you roll your eyes, but you’re grinning.

“you’re impossible, you know that?”

“yeah, i know,” she says with a laugh. “but you like me anyway.”

you shake your head, a playful smile on your lips.

“don’t get too cocky.”

“i’ll try,” she says, her eyes twinkling.

the sun dips below the horizon, and the night air grows cooler, but there’s something incredibly comforting about sitting here with jessie, knowing that the two of you have this connection that just keeps growing stronger.

~~

over the next few weeks, you and jessie stay in touch.

the long-distance thing isn’t easy, but it’s working.

you FaceTime when you can, send each other little messages of encouragement.

she’s training for her upcoming season with chelsea, and you’re buried in your studies, but the moments you do find to talk are the highlights of your day.

it’s strange, though, to think about how your life has shifted since that first meeting in the library back at ucla.

you’ve come so far, both of you, and yet somehow, despite the distance, you still feel that pull to her.

that connection you can’t quite explain, but you know is real.

jessie visits oxford a few more times, and each time feels like a new chapter in your relationship.

you go out for coffee, explore the city, and sneak in quiet moments in between your busy schedules.

with each visit, your feelings for her grow stronger, and you begin to wonder if this could really work—this thing between you two, despite everything.

one night, after a long week of work, you find yourself at your desk, scrolling through your messages when you see a new one from jessie.

"thinking about you. when’s the next time i get to see you? "

your heart skips.

you reply quickly: "soon. i’ll make it happen. i miss you."

she responds almost instantly: "me too. see you soon, love."

you grin, your heart swelling.

this? this was just the beginning.

[tinrange]

There are so many great points here but I wanna highlight the section about how youth in countries and areas without adequate sex education are recieving information and knowledge through these shows.

The top-bottom stereotyping, complete with massive body differences and certain 'looks', for both GL and BL pairs is a warping of actual roles that then forces queer youth into conservative positions while those that see queer bodies as objects of commodity get to fictionalize aspects of the community.

In LGBT relationships and dating its normal to discuss sexual preferences, its common to be vers sure but its just as common to be secure in your position.

When shows are marketed such that there can only ever be one dynamic ive seen queer youth assert that there are no 'bottoms' no 'tops' its just two people loving each other, and despite it coming from a place of defense it ends up driving them away from actually seeing all queerness can encompass.

In the case of sapphics there are actual identities tied around service and reception, both in and out of bed, that are then dismissed by large swathes of the media consuming pop. Because of the fact Stereotypes imposed onto people through corporations and heteronormativity. Those beliefs are strengthened in the echochambers that make up hime spheres and eventually change peoples approaches to their own identities.

All that to say that this ties back to the point of capitalism being a driving force behind each production and show we see being put to the screen. Its been extremely telling for me recently how deeply people enjoy censored shows, for example Highschool Return of Gangster, and also how people discuss actors who work on them vs on BL.

Highschool Return of Gangster is blatantly censored, its not gay and the subtext is doing a lot of the work for audience members who Want to see something while also leaving it vague enough that those 'uncomfortable' could just ignore it. Whats really interesting is how this shows censorship was defended amongst its creators, it HAD to be censored for them because BL is too niche and unfprofitable. Its a genre market that automatically creates a barrier for success. In this way Korea and Thailand are very different, but the audience reactions to people who work in other industries is the same.

"BL actors are there to create ships and sell you a lie and a delusion and breed fangirls who dont care about irl queerness." These kind of broad strokes flatten any nuance in discussions of what being seen supporting queer art actually Does to a public image, and the conflation of areas and peoples together allows for a complete dismissal of the genre. People who hate GL and BL will tell you everybody is in it for the money and the fans and nobody ever cares about anything past that, and that kind of thinking works so well for the companies.

If the audience is already willing to seperate queerness from Actually LGBT art and productions, only minimal steps need to be taken to make things 'palatable' and easy to consume by robbing the stories of possible authenticity.

These shows and genres are already viewed as lesser by a GP, perverse or flat tv that exists only to cater to a niche who doesnt actually belong to the community and it allows for everyone, even LGBT audiences, to praise those that 'elevate' the genre.

This all ties in with the general conservative backswings plaguing social media and discussions from the youth. Capitalism allows for these companies to continue creating narratives that discredit any enjoyment of swathes of queer media due to BLs "low-brow" nature, while simultaneously suppressing any shows that depict queer messiness. Its almost disappointing to see people continuously use the defense of "not everything has to be So Explicitly Gay" when that serves no one but capitalists who want to dip in everyones pockets. Impressionable audiences are manipulated and end up treating stories about their own communities as having to Prove Their Worth in the canon, and when a show like SMYM comes along it becomes very easy to dismiss criticisms because audiences have been groomed into believing LGBT art is more elevated the less it cares about the interiority and actual queerness of the characters.

Spare Me Your Mercy, Love in the Big City, and the Trap of Pursuing Mainstream Popularity for Queer Art

I read this excellent post by @waitmyturtles yesterday tackling the frustrating failures of Spare Me Your Mercy, a show that was one of my most anticipated of the year, but that ended up so lost in its own confusing blend of sauces that I didn't even finish it. I appreciated her clarity that despite the show receiving strong ratings and finding popularity with the mainstream domestic audience, that doesn't actually make it a success as a piece of narrative storytelling. And if anything, its popularity underlines why it was a failure as a queer narrative, in particular.

Because here's the thing about great queer art—it's almost never popular with mainstream audiences, especially in socially conservative countries. High quality, well-executed, honest and authentic queer art is more likely to be protested than celebrated in places where real queer people are not safe to live free lives. For an illustration of this, look no further than another highly anticipated queer drama of this year in Love in the Big City. Easily the queerest show to ever get made and aired on Korean television, it drew major protests before it even started, forcing the production to release it quickly in one go to ensure it would reach audiences. And why were those conservative groups so afraid of this little old drama? Because even just in its trailer and promotional materials, it was clear this was no sanitized, G-rated drama created to make gay people seem more palatable to the masses (unlike the film version with the same name, which not coincidentally has been much more warmly received by the Korean media establishment). This show was real, and raw, and QUEER in a way that terrified those bigots, because they know one of the most important ways the oppressed can advocate for themselves is by demonstrating their humanity through art. 

Which brings me back to turtles’ post, and the importance of separating the concerns of art and commerce when discussing the different ways media can succeed. This is something I had some good dialogue about with @biochemjess @pharawee @clairedaring @flowerbeasblog and turtles (and even more of you in the tags) when I was still watching and posting about Spare Me Your Mercy. I originally posted to unpack why the show was flopping narratively, which turned into a discussion of the fact that it was getting good ratings from the domestic audience despite this. And while I appreciated understanding how the show is landing with its priority audience, for me, it’s very important to keep a distinction between these two different kinds of success. Especially in discussions of queer art, and especially for a show whose creators explicitly said they were intentionally downplaying the queer romance part of the queer romance ( @benkaben) to avoid “distracting” from their other messaging goals. 

The important thing to keep in mind is that for queer stories, when they are popular with a mainstream audience it’s often because they are stripping any authenticity from the representation of queer people. Turtles addressed this well in her review of 2gether when she posited that part of the reason it was such a phenomenon in conservative Asian countries (aside from the timing of its release in the early days of the global pandemic), was because its presentation of queerness was mostly unrecognizable to real queer people, stripped of any true notion of queer sexuality or the realities of homophobia. Compare the reception of The Miracle of Teddy Bear—a show that absolutely refused to make its central queer character palatable for a mainstream audience, because the fact that he wasn’t palatable was the point—to that of Spare Me Your Mercy, a show whose creators chose to censor their own story. The ugly truth is that when we’re talking about queer dramas, the best and most vital shows are pretty much anathema to mainstream ratings success.

The impulse to pursue mainstream popularity and commercial success for queer art inevitably leads to watering down queer stories ( @twig-tea) to make them more light, comfortable and familiar to a majority heterosexual and socially conservative audience. And yes, of course, some degree of commercial success is necessary for queer art to get made in the first place. This is how the Thai BL market took off, by recognizing that there was an audience beyond queer people who were open to watching stories about boys falling in love, as long as it didn’t get too real. But there is a careful line to walk here, and it’s so important not to confuse popularity with artistic merit. Queer people won’t win liberation by self-censoring queer media to make it more palatable for mainstream audiences. We win when we make queer art so good and so honest that the mainstream is forced to acknowledge it. We win by challenging the mainstream perspective on queer people and how they should behave, not by catering to it. As @bengiyo said in a completely different discourse, the question is not whether the audience can love queer characters whose actual queerness is suppressed for their comfort. That kind of respectability politics is old hat and it never fucking gets us anywhere. The real question he posed is this: “Do you love us when we’re ugly, when we’re sick, when we’re old, when we’re being mean or catty?”

Which is why a show like Love in the Big City ultimately won by being so excellent, and so true, and so undeniable, that it broke through with audiences around the world and achieved some measure of recognition in spite of how very unpalatable it was to its domestic audience. Unlike Spare Me Your Mercy, this show did not get amazing domestic ratings, but its message was heard far beyond those who watched it on Korean television. And that is the point. Making authentic art that advances the struggle of queer people and making nominally queer art that can achieve mainstream popularity are completely different pursuits, and we must keep that in mind when we discuss whether and how these shows succeeded or failed. And while both must exist in a healthy media ecosystem, one will always be more vital for the survival of queer people than the other. 

[dcdreamblog]

i Know Your Home Town Heroes Are The DOOM PATROL so i Have to Aks

How did The team Go form This

( Old time Superhero team With a Uniform )

to This

( They look like a 70s or 80s Punk band )

to This?

( Back With a New uniform )

and Why to They Have so Many links to the titans?

just Whats Up With DOOM PATROL

( i Aks With to so Them Being Your Home Town Heroes i Think? And i found i lot Of posters for Them at My Uesd Things shop i Go to a lot )

The Doom Patrol are an...interesting case because they're not superheroes in the traditional sense. at least not by choice. The original members, Cliff Steele, Larry Trainor and Rita Farr were all brought together by terrible accidents that left with with fantastical abilities, yes but also left them mutated or otherwise scarred in a way that set them apart from humanity. Cliff was a former race car driver whose brain was transferred into a robot body after a crash left his old body in ruins. Trainor was a military pilot whose experimental guidance system sent him sailing through a dangerous radiation belt And Farr was an actress exposed to strange vapors on a movie set that granted her the ability to alter her size at will. They were offered what seemed to be safe harbor by a genius scientist Dr Niles Caulder who was, in reality, the architect of the accidents that mutated them all in the first place. Bringing them together as The Doom Patrol he sent them out on suicidally dangerous missions against various supervillains and scientific menaces, most often the members of the Brotherhood of Evil whose leader The Brain was actually the original victim meant to be implanted into the Robotman body until his intelligent gorilla companion was able to spirit him away. Their clashes eventually leading to a showdown off the coast of the town of Codsville, Maine where the heroes were seemingly killed by a blast of their greatest enemies' ultimate weapon. That was not to be their end, though. However as time went on, especially after Caulder's treachery was discovered, the Doom Patrol really became a supportive family group for those who had been effected by his ethical lapses in one way or another. Even beyond that they become embroiled in all the weirdest, strangest and most metaphysical threats possible. They became a refuge for, well for lack of a better term, the weirdos. Those whose powers are too obtuse, or whose powers are matched with sufficiently virulent if mundane mental illness that they had nowhere else to go. In the aftermath of the Lazarus Rains, they've become a group seeking out those who have been empowered by the disaster and offering them safe haven away from the public eye. They're forced into the spotlight because of their powers, which in their cases usually seem closer to a disability than a gift. Though they are respected and trusted by other members of the superhero community especially because one of their earliest inductees, Garfield Logan (yes, the one from Space Trek too) became super, globally famous both as an actor and as a member of the Teen Titans. They're...reclusive is the wrong word. They just want to be left alone, operative more as a support group than a willing superhero team. Which is why I use their real names rather than the superhero names they've been given over time by the media. If you or someone you know has a metahuman ability and a comorbidity with some kind of mental or physical disability, their contact information is publically available.

[lemon-shark-gamer]

The Genshin Impact fandom is fascinating to me when it comes to fanfics, because I feel like I struggle to find any fics that really *get* the characterization of certain characters and I'm loathed to write my own because dammit I just want to read the specific itch I crave without resorting to creating it. Give me three more months and I'll cave in.

For example, Diluc is one of my favorites and I find his backstory fascinating in terms of his father Crepus possibly being more morally ambiguous than most fans are willing to admit and how little we know of Diluc's murder spree in Snezhnaya.

For example which Harbinger(s) did he have a run-in with? Will we find out more about the secret intelligence network that took him in, that he apparently had a high position in? Did he ever find the answers he was searching for? The list goes on.

It's hard for me to find the specific characterization of him I crave for in fics because I think his platonic relationship with Kaeya is incredibly nuanced and complex but I feel like his character often gets assassinated for Kaeya angst but like, the man had the worst birthday ever?

Imagine being Diluc, living through a literal worst nightmare. Your dad is dead after you failed to protect him yourself. Not only is your dad dead but he died after wielding a delusion--you dont even know what a delusion is but its clearly bad news. Why the fuck did your father have it and how?

On top of this, the Favonius Knights--the organization you proudly served and the very organization that your father heavily encouraged you to serve--insists on covering up the truth because it makes them look bad. The Favonius Knights, who are supposed to be honorable and uphold integrity, are anything but that.

Then your adoptive brother, who you've known for years and trust with your life, shows up and tells you he's been spying for a foreign nation since you were kids with the intent of harming Mondstadt and everything about your relationship is possibly all one big lie and well--how do you not snap??

Now, I'm also incredibly fond of Kaeya and he was just as traumatized by Crepus's death. He was wracked with guilt for *feeling* relieved that he didn't have to worry about betraying his birth father for his adoptive father since Crepus was dead. He anticipated Diluc's anger and felt like their duel was a punishment for his lies.

To me, it hints that Kaeya probably didn't reveal the truth expecting Diluc's understanding, but rather he knew how he would react and perhaps he wanted Diluc to strike him down in that duel. Or at the very least, he wanted to distance himself from Diluc and cut off ties in order to avoid emotional attachment stopping him from his mission.

I personally head-canon that Diluc withdrew upon seeing Kaeya's vision because well--why would the gods bless Kaeya with a vision if he truly had the intent to harm Mondstadt? So in spite of what Kaeya revealed, he isn't a threat. But there's still a lot of hurt there to navigate through.

I think it's fascinating seeing where they stand in present game because Kaeya obviously has the ideology of working the system from within. He stayed in the knights (even taking over his brother's position) and with Jean rooted out the Inspector and his cronies.

Meanwhile Diluc just isn't that type of person. He doesn't settle, he refuses to work in a system he views corrupt, he rather accomplish what he can outside of it. Curiously, he doesn't challenge the status quo beyond being vocal of his distaste of the Knights.

This is head-canon fantasyland, but I like to envision Kaeya and Diluc do use a lot of the same informants and collaborate on intel relating to the safety of Mondstadt (especially since Diluc can move in ways against the Fatui that the Knights can't due to political reasons) but they struggle to have the same connection as before.

For example, Diluc's story quest--Kaeya was essentially giving Diluc an alibi with the Knights. Even if Jean damn well knows who it is, they still have to have official documentation stating otherwise.

Kaeya is good at reading people, he has to be given how he was raised to be a child spy. But I like to think he struggles to read Diluc like before. Diluc is much more jaded, pessimistic, quieter than before. He prefers to work on his own as much as possible. From Kaeya's pov, the only person he's seen Diluc willing to fully trust enough to work alongside with is the Traveler, and he states as much.

The opposite is true of Diluc. Kaeya was his shadow, a quiet but inquisitive, witty observer. Cavalry Captain Kaeya is much more outgoing and friendly, his charm on full display. Did he ever really truly know Kaeya or did he only show Diluc what he wanted him to see? Is Kaeya happier this way?

Fanon often depicts Kaeya as essentially being barred from the dawn winery from the duel by Diluc himself, but I don't think that's quite the case. Much rather, given the reason he told Diluc that night, I think he views himself as undeserving due to unresolved guilt.

Canon seems to hint at all of this through his hangout and Hidden Strife, the latter of which is unfortunately a time-limited event that occurred before I even played (hoyo please stop having heavy lore drops occur in time limited events).

I think the two want to trust each other again, but both are afraid of destroying the tentative truce they have so they leave all of it unaddressed. Kaeya refuses to be completely truthful ever again and Diluc acknowledges the past but refuses to discuss it. The tragedy in their relationship that neither is at fault for what happened--it's a twisted emotional mess of grief and heartbreak.

The last point I'd like to touch on is the parallels between Kaeya and Diluc both being essentially child soldiers for their fathers' causes.

For Kaeya, being abandoned in Mondstadt to be a child spy is the most overt. For Diluc? Despite Crepus's strong ambition to be a Favonius Knight and to have a vision--neither happened for him. In Diluc's vision story, it states that he views his vision being a result of their "shared" ambition, hinting that his vision was granted after Diluc's strong resolve to achieve his father's dreams for him.

We know Crepus heavily encouraged Diluc down this path at very young age, given Diluc received his vision at age 10 and became the youngest Captain at age 14. In some ways, I'm sure Kaeya was a bit jealous of Diluc for having a loving father present in his life that was overtly proud of him.

I am not saying Crepus wasn't a good father, I think he cared immensely for Kaeya and Diluc both, but I do think he did some morally grey shit.

Diluc abandoning his vision is fascinating and it's almost never explored in fics. He is the only vision holder we know of (aside from the Inazumauns whose visions were taken by force) that had their ambition for their vision shaken in such a way that they voluntarily discarded their vision for a time and only took it back after reigniting a new ambition to have it (and as far we know the only allogene that faced no negative setbacks from using a delusion long-term without their vision present).

I don't know where to end all of this, except if you have ragbros fic recommendations that you believe cover it in a more nuanced way, let me know!

[vidavalor]

Today, if you're discussing actions taken to try to prevent against the effects of possible future negative actions, you're talking about insurance. Up until an estimated sometime in the late 16th/early 17th centuries, though? You wouldn't have referred to this as insurance, even though that word also existed at the time.

For most of history, the word for what we today refer to as insurance was actually assurance.

The two words come from some very similar-sounding French root words. Adding to the confusion, the root words of insurance-- enseurer/enseurance-- actually also meant assurance, but in the sense of a guarantee or a serious promise.

Assurance also originally meant self-confident in an unappealing way, which, along with the general confusion of the similar-sounding words, is thought to be one of the big reasons why assurance fell out of fashion as a word, paving the way for insurance to eventually take over the main, original meaning of assurance.

So, why the two different words in the first place, especially when both of them were rooted in words relating to promises relating to safety and security?

Because while assurance originally meant what we'd consider insurance today, insurance originally exclusively meant a different kind of promise...

The word insurance originally referred to what we'd call a marriage engagement today.

"If it all goes wrong, I want insurance" takes on an additional layer when you consider that Crowley and Aziraphale have been on Earth since the beginning and frequently communicate using etymology (word history) to code their speech in public for safety, as they were also doing in other parts of this very same scene. They both absolutely know the original meaning of insurance.

From what Crowley said in 1862, it's clear that there hadn't exactly been a formal proposal by 1862... how could there have been, really, considering that was some 'if both the human world and the supernatural world ever were to change' pipe dream at the time?... but there was a romantic partnership with a shared understanding that, if they ever could? They would.

They'd turn The Arrangement/The Agreement into The Engagement in a heartbeat if ever things changed and they safely could.

Crowley was clearly not doing well in the 1862 scene, though...

Crowley was really seeking reassurance as much as he was seeking insurance in the modern sense. He wanted the holy water as insurance (modern meaning)-- as protection against Hell-- and he wanted it for their informal insurance (historical meaning)-- to keep the two of them safe.

While Crowley wanting holy water was a surprise to Aziraphale, Crowley's subtle reference to his and Aziraphale's understanding being akin to one of the original kind of insurance was far from a shock to Aziraphale. Neither of them were batting an eye over Crowley's dual-layered use of the word insurance.

Aziraphale just also knew that they were in the park and that ducks have ears, as Crowley himself had pointed out a moment earlier. This was too dangerous a place for this conversation and that Crowley tried to have it here showed how much he was struggling, which just validated even more Aziraphale's hesitation and fear.

Aziraphale knew that holy water could kill Crowley and it's not hard to see why he'd be reluctant to give his obviously anxious and depressed partner the supernatural equivalent of a gun.

Especially when Crowley's PTSD was so bad in that moment in 1862 that he was demonstrably reactive in public to Aziraphale's attempt to keep anybody from listening to realize that they're a couple. Crowley's response just makes it all the more obvious that they are one.

Crowley's inability to have enough situational awareness in the moment to realize or care that he's putting them at risk while simultaneously being (in this case, justifiably) paranoid about them being overheard and asking Aziraphale for the dangerous thing that he's convinced himself will make him feel the safety that he's struggling to feel is a very PTSD thing. It speaks to high levels of unmanaged anxiety.

Even having this conversation in the park and not the bookshop was self-sabotaging on Crowley's part. There's an argument to be made that not doing well to a point that he's semi-consciously trying to push Aziraphale away by putting Aziraphale in a no-win situation in a place where their ability to fully discuss it in the moment is impacted by their lack of privacy.

Crowley was being self-destructive and was putting them at risk as a result, basically proving himself probably too unstable in that era to have holy water in the first place.

What he truly wanted was reassurance that Aziraphale was going to stay with him. Doubting that was the anxiety talking. Aziraphale wouldn't have had to give any indication that he was not going to do so and there's no indication that he was going to leave Crowley. I'd imagine he felt the exact opposite of that and Crowley really, at the core, knew that. PTSD and anxiety can cause levels of self-doubt and make it difficult for a person to trust their assessment of things, as we see with Crowley's struggles to trust himself and others when it comes to things like Gabriel and The Book of Life in S2.

Fundamentally, Crowley knows that Aziraphale loves him but, in 1862, he could have been experiencing a lot of anxiety, self-doubt, and feelings of shame related to the aftermath of 1827, and have really been seeking out reassurance that Aziraphale-- who had already really proven this by sticking through thousands of years with Crowley-- wouldn't leave him... even as he tried very hard to push him away.

It's not rational but emotions-- particularly, trauma-born ones-- aren't always rational. The holy water situation in 1862 is also one triggering Aziraphale's own fears that Crowley will leave him-- will one day go out the door and not come back, either from something they cannot control or because he's decided it's too much for him to endure anymore.

When both people are triggered, it's hard to really talk and even harder to really listen, and someone storming off for awhile is probably inevitable.

But it's not forever. When things calm down, it becomes easier to see what one another was saying, what it was that they really meant, and what they need.

[lastoneout]

They were also SO weird about my daily meds. I wasn't allowed to take them on my normal schedule that my regular doctors have signed off on, apparently this hospital has a special rulebook for when and how often I'm "actually" supposed to be taking any given medication which takes priority over my current regular medication schedule and thus I was forced to adhere to it, so between that and the whole "the nurses are so busy they are constantly late bringing me my meds which HAVE to be taken at a specific time each day, meant I felt extra mega like shit. (Like I'm on Lamictal and you CANNOT just fucking stop taking Lamictal and they wanted me to skip a dose and take it in the morning "like I'm supposed to" even though my actual fucking psychatrist said I can take it morning or night, whichever is more comfortable for me, it literally doesn't matter at all. I also kept missing the times for my Propranolol which meant my POTs was out of wack and making me dizzy and my heart race.)

Also the on-site pharmacy didn't carry one of my usual medications so they gave me a choice between switching to an "equivalent" one the doctor approved of(a decision I was not present for so I couldn't even give informed consent, like I didn't get any info on this other med aside from it's name and the assurance that "it would do the same thing" which I found dubious at best given that this was prescribed by a specialist and my assigned doctor was not trained in that field at all) or just not taking it at all, and I was explicitly forbidden from touching my meds from home(my usual hospital has no such rule so idk why they were being like this about it, I had no reason to think me bringing them was against the rules) and they nearly forced my fiancé to take the ones I brought—since I knew I'd be there for two days and figured I'd like need my meds—back to my house, so I couldn't even just take my usual meds which I literally had in my bag, I was forced to take something else.

So yeah like the constant inability to sleep or eat given the cycle of intense nausea and excruciating pain no one cared to treat correctly was already stressing me out to the point that I knew I was going to have a fibro flare that would make it harder to recover, plus the whole "ignoring me for several hours when I was sobbing from how badly I had to pee despite being unable to on my own because they just didn't believe it was possible for me to have to pee that bad until my fiancé was pissed enough he went and found them(literally actively shit talking me when he walked up too) and essentially forced them to check again, which the assistant who was in charge of that did so carelessly it make the pain so much worse and she refused to even speak to or really look at me while she did it too, and then they had to rush to give me a catheter which meant they couldn't find a smaller tube(my urologist has told me I have an uncommonly small urethra and bladder opening) or be careful so it hurt really bad" thing, AND the saying they'd give me enough pain meds to help at home only to change the dose to a lower, less effective one which I only found our about after they discharged me and I was told because I'd been discharged the doctor wouldn't speak to me(the pharmacist literally said once you're discharged you're treated as "out of sight, out of mind" like he said those exact words) AND the surgery team just straight up not returning any of my calls today to try to get the medication thing fixed, I think this hospital is run by inhumane monsters who don't give a shit about their staff or patients, which in turn makes their staff unwilling to care for their patients basically at all and they should probably face serious consequences for treating people this way.

Oh, also I just remembered the surgeon said they would tell me what setting my shunt was at because I would absolutely need that information, but no one ever told me and right as we were leaving we realized that and mentioned it and the nurse was like "idk I can't find it written in your chart so I guess you'll just have to call the neurosurgeon" and then lectured me again about the dangers of pain meds before vanishing and not returning. Which I'm sure is fine and normal.

God I fucking hate that hospital with every fiber of my living being. Also they should decriminalize all drugs and I'm not kidding.

And I'm filing a fucking grievance.

I'm home from the hospital and I can confirm that the opioid crisis has made these places fucking insane about literally all medications.