#i really try to stick close to the original style so im sorry if its not too unique

[heyimanowl]

@kittencandy102

[mercur1e]

Saw your Father’s Day post and I knew I had to ask for it:

Dilf!Jean x Teacher!Black reader fic

I’ll let you pick whether it’s sfw or nsfw, I just need some Jean content rn😌

YES OML

Contains: Modern AU, female anatomy but no pronouns

Jean has had his eye on you for a while now. You're his kid's teacher, he know he shouldn't be feeling this way. But he can't help it. You're so kind and beautiful. You're great with the kids, and always patient with them. And god, your smile. That pretty, pretty smile. When he dropped Julia off at the first day of school, you had smiled and introduced yourself. Nothing unusual, it's just common courtesy. So why was he acting like a teenager in love all over again? He brushed it off thinking it was just because he hasn't dated in a while. Ever since his divorce he hasn't really been interested in dating.

Everytime Jean would pick up his child he made small talk with you. About his daughter, about your jobs, anything that would get you to talk to him. Jean would subtly compliment you, telling you that you look pretty or that a color looks good on you. Hell, he pointed out when you changed your hair up for a day, even if it wasnt anything major. Every once in a while he would lightly flirt with you, questioning how you're single and asking if you have a s/o. You'd always reply that you haven't been interested in anyone around here.

And it wasn't one sided, no. You'd glance at him when (you thought) he wasn't looking, looking as handsome as ever. His slicked back hair and style would make anyone swoon. A million dollar smile, great personality, and he was a good father? You wanted to be with him, you really did. But as a teacher you know you shouldn't. But the school year is almost out, you wish he would make a move.

Today was just like any other day, Jean came to pick up his kid and he was making small talk with you. Talking to you about your plans for the summer, and where you would like to go. Meanwhile Jean was was worrying about how to ask you out. "Do I just say it? Do I slip it in? Shit. Fuck it I'll just say it."

As you were talking about your summer plans, Jean interrupted you. "I..I was wondering if I can take you out on a date? If not I'm sorry that-"

"I've been waiting for you to say that." A smile forms on your lips. "I thought I'd become a corspe before you asked me out!" You poke in a joking manner.

Jean chuckled at you. "Well how about as an apology for making you wait so long, I take you out to dinner tonight?" He says while smiling at you. God, he's got a nice smile.

"I would love that. Is 7 o'clock good for you?" You ask Jean while writing your number on a slip of paper and handing it to him.

"Works for me. It won't be hard finding a babysitter for Julia for the night. I'll see you then sweetheart."

The rest of the school day went by fast. Happy to be home, you search through you closet to find something to wear. After digging in your closet you found your perfect outfit. Putting it on and standing infront the mirror you looked damn good in it. Going into the bathroom to finish up your hair and getting the look you wanted, you were almost done. Now you just had to find the right fragrance and any other additions. And with that, you were ready for your date. Hearing a knock on your door, you go to answer it.

You're met with Jean, looking as handsome as ever. He has on a dress shirt with some slacks, paired with a nice watch and shoes. Eyeing you up and down, he shoots you a smirk.

"You look amazing."

"And you look handsome, which is a shocker for you." You play, he knows he looks even on his worst days.

Jean guffawed at your comment. "Uh huh, like I don't notice you checking me out almost everyday at school."

Locking your door behind you, you two begin walking towards his car. "Guess I'm not as sneaky as I thought."

"Nope, you're shit and trying to be sneaky."

"Oh shut up!" You giggled as you slapped his arm lightly. He opens the car door for you and you get in.

"So, where are we going?" You ask once he gets in the car.

"It's a surprise, but I think you'll like it when we get there."

As he was driving, you two talked and joked together. It wasn't a very long ride, maybe about 15-20 minutes until you arrived to the destination. It was a popular steakhouse that had recently opened up, and it wasn't cheap either.

"I've always wanted to go here, I've heard good things about this place." Looking around the parking lot, you could tell it wasn't a super busy night but they had business, that's good.

"Me too. I've heard good things about the place and its owned by a local chef." Holding out his hand to you, you take it as you're getting out of the car. To his pleasant surprise, you hold on to his hand until you two are seated at the table he reserved. The rest of the date went wonderfully, you both thoroughly enjoyed dinner and had fun getting to know each other more. And of course taking playful jabs at each other and eating dessert.

Pulling up in front of your house, Jean helps you out the car and walks you to your front door.

"I really enjoyed tonight, I loved every bit of it. Thank you for treating me to dinner."

"Of course." Jean replies, secretly hoping you'd you'd kiss him.

You two sat in silence for a few minutes until you looked him in the eye. His eyes were shining, hoping that you'd make a move. Finally, you broke the silence.

"Can I kiss you-" You didn't even finish your sentence before his lips landed on yours. He pulled back though, the kiss ending as quick as it started. You kissed him again. And again, until it turned into a full blown makeout session. "Do you want to go inside?" You asked once you finally caught your breath. Jean nodded at you, eyes now clouded with need. Opening your door, you barely have time to register what happened. Jean's got you pressed against your door, lips back on yours. Running your hands through his hair you let his tongue roam your mouth. He sucks on your tongue while trying to take your clothes off. "Mm, not here, my bedroom." While hurrying towards your bedroom, articles of clothing litter your hallway as you both rush to take off your clothes. After you get into the bedroom Jean motions for you to lay on the bed.

Laying between your legs, he leaves kisses on your navel and thighs, avoiding where you need him the most. Taking a long finger and swiping up your slit, he feels just how wet you are for him.

"Fuck, I've been waiting to do this for so long."

You hum in agreement. "Me too, I've wanted you for so long"

Licking a stripe up your pussy, you shiver under him. He kitten licks your clit before sticking a long finger into you. Your vagina clenches around the digit, adjusting to it after a minute.

"Another" you mewl, wanting more of him. He listens, putting his index finger in. He moves his fingers in a scissoring motion, loving the way you feel around him. His fingers are coated with your juices, creating a wet sound every time he thrusted them into you. Sucking on your clit, you moan and twitch under him. He speeds his fingers up, and starts sucking at your clit more harshly.

"Ah! Ah! M' gonna cum!"

"That's right, come for me baby. Cum all over my fingers."

Your body shivers from your orgasm as your hole convulses around Jean's fingers, creaming around him. He takes his fingers out of you, and you whine at the loss. He takes his fingers up to his mouth and sucks on them.

"You tatse so good baby. So good for me. Can't wait to have you screaming for me."

He looks so hot like this. Hair disheveled and out of place, lust filled eyes just waiting to devour you. He takes his dick and strokes it a few times before pushing your legs against your chest. He lines himself up at your entrance, and slowly pushes in. It stings at first, he's so big. You already feel full, before you look down and see that you've only taken half of him. Jean slowly eases the rest of himself into you, before he's finally buried to the hilt. You swear you can feel him in your throat.

"Y-you can move baby, I can take it."

Jean smirks at you. "You sure?"

"Mhm..keep going."

Once Jean knew you were okay he started roughly thrusting into you. Leaning down to suck at your nipples, your hand grabbed at his hair. Tugging lightly at it, you wrangled a low groan out of the man above you. He can tell you're close because your moans are getting louder and he can feel you tightening around his dick.

"You gonna cum for me baby? Want me to fill you up?"

"Mm Mhm!"

"Say it."

"Cum in my Jean, please!"

He smirked. "Anything you want baby."

Slamming his hips into you, Jean's abusing your poor g-spot at this point. He flips you over so you're face down ass up and you can tell he's close too by the way his dick is twitching inside of you.

"Fuck! Fuck! I'm cummimg, I'm cumming-"

"That's it baby, come all over me."

Jean doesn't let up even after you've come. Your overstimulated pussy fills the room with sloppy noises. Jean gives a few more rough thrusts before coming inside of you. You both simultaneously groan out, you feel even fuller than before. He pulls out of you, feeling a sense of pride as he watches some of his cum drip out of your pussy.

Rolling over onto your back, you gaze up at Jean. A fucked out grin makes its way onto your face. Jean smiles back down at you before he lays down onto your chest.

"Is it selfish if I say I don't want this to end?" He mumbles in between the valley of your breats.

"Mm no. Because I don't want it to end either. I really like you Jean, I mean it." Your hand runs through his hair, its original style long gone.

"I really like you too, you think we could make something outta this? Maybe even a relationship?"

You giggle. "Is this your way of asking me to be your s/o?"

"Yeah...pretty shitty way huh?" Jean let's out a small laugh.

"Hmm yes, but I accept. I'll be your s/o."

"Guess it's not stupid if it works hm?" Jean leans up to plant a kiss against your lips.

"Oh shut up you!"

IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE THIS DONE YESTERDAY BUT I FEEL ASLEEP! Anyways I hoped you liked it! Thank you for requesting and feedback is appreciated!! Have a good day! <33

This is my original work. Do not steal, repost, or copy my works. All works on this belong to @c00chi

[curious-menace]

OH OH!! I know everyones legit a giant, and that isn’t excluding The Riddler, but- maybe HCs for a taller S/O? If any of these asks become too much, just let me know!

im trying to do 4 bullet points for “all the riddlers” asks so i dont overexert myself 

Riddlers x tall s/o

Arkham riddler

hmm. well he likes the rest of you. he can always wear lifts or something. 

sorry that was mean, he didnt intend it that way. He’s just a little insecure is all. he’s not used to being the smaller one and lets be real. he’s got some trust issues with people who are bigger or stronger than him coughthanksbatmancough.

Actually maybe this will be good? he needs a bodyguard. how good at fighting are you? 

he absolutely HATES that you can just pick him up like he weights nothing. maybe if he’d stop falling asleep at his desk you wouldn't have to pick him up bridal style and take his tired ass to bed

Blacklight Riddler

short so? excellent. tall so? also excellent. he likes to be little spoon so i hope you like having someone permanently attached to ur chest in bed. 

he’s only 5ft8 so i hope you dont mind lifting him up to reach high places or getting stuff off the top shelves. 

he likes having a tall partner to make him feel protected. he’s going to stand on his tippy toes and look over your shoulder like this >:3 when someone challenges him. 

He REALLY likes being picked up and spun around. he really is a big kid sometimes.

BTAS Riddler

dont be an insecure baby eddie. you're the same height as your s/o, you're both tall stop whining. 

He’s got an issue with he and his s/o being equal. he likes to be holding all the cards. its not a healthy mindset, he needs to get over it. 

i can see him asking you not to wear heels or stuff that makes you look even taller. he wont tell you directly but he will huff and pout when you do it.

ok he’s got to admit he likes being able to dance with you at face level. its nice not to hurt his back for a change. 

Original Riddler

oh thank god, someone who knows his struggles. how do you stretch out your sleeves? or do you just buy stuff that is too large and have it taken in? are ceilings getting lower or is it just me?

he likes being able to wear your clothes. all his other s/o’s have been too small for that kind of thing. 

its kinda funny that everyone refers to you two as giants 

the only problem is sleeping. you need a double king sized bed to accommodate the pair of you, and space is at a premium in gothams hideout market. 

Telltale Riddler

he’s kinda short but he’s not super pissy about it.

“i will climb you like a tree!” vibes. small, so he’s closer to hell. 

he doenst like you looking taller than him in photos so you always have to crouch. in person he doesn't really care. he’ll probably use your height to his advantage, either in a fight or just around the house with his death traps. 

constantly sticking his face in your tummy or chest for hugs. will motor boat you if he thinks he can get away with it. i dont care that he’s the oldest riddler he can be immature when he thinks no one is looking. 

Zero year Riddler

finally! an equal! someone worthy of status at his side!

you two are going to rule over gotham like gods! the only thing that can stop you is door frames and low ceilings. 

has put truck backing up noises on his phone to play while you walk just to mess with you. don't worry, he wont do it if it upsets you, hes just a wind up merchant. 

likes to pretend he’s smaller than you and cant reach things so you’ll do it for him. yes he is that lazy. 

There ya go acrylic. i'm trying to limit myself for a little while by doing less points. i think ive done more asks in the last 3 days than ive done in my entire life haha. id like to work on some of my own stuff for a little bit but i feel weird having the asks closed hah

Got something you wana talk about ? send me an ask or a dm! im always game to talk about our favorite curious menace 💚💜

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

okay for real, top 10 video game monster designd

okay so this will be a mix of games i have played/seen and also range in age and quality. This also got long oh my god im sorry, i pulled up my xbox achievements to refresh and I got nostalgic. There are better designs out there but this was on my brain.

1. Gravemind/ The Flood - scared the shit out of me and they’re super gross and vaguely unknowable. Also the gross level I showed you from Halo 3 was the bane of my existence. The thing speaks in trochaic heptameter and says raw ass lines like “I AM A MONUMENT TO ALL YOUR SINS”

2. Jeff from HL:A no spoilers but enemies like that stress me out and he is well executed and designed. A gross dude. I have not played but have watched 2 full playthroughs.

3. All the funky lil dudes from Voodoo Vince for the original Xbox. Fucked up weird ass game that has a charming art style and a lot of platforming. The Imps, bubba gators, and Gingerdeadmen stick out.

4. The sleepytime robots from Battle for Bikini Bottom, stealth based stress plus loud warning noise. My brother and I hated the Rock Bottom level but this game and its music are ingrained in our DNA now.

5. Cacodemon. good round design and I love the evolution over the years. Glory killing the bastards as I figure out Doom Eternal is rewarding.

6. Elites/ Sangheili - yes another halo enemy. But the design is cool and different from regular space marine shooters. The entire culture and structure of the covenant is interesting and way too much lore is involved but the Elites were always so cool to me, compared to the Brutes/Jiralhanae, which are just a bunch of angry gorilla men. And I mean the Arbiter is right there y’all. They also have energy swords.

7. Striders! I’m remembering all the weird biotech synth enemies from Half Life but Striders are terrifying. Flesh and Machine and horrible calls signalling open fire. The tripod war of the worlds thing going on. The Combine scared me playing the games when they first came out because they were so mysterious and unexplained, were they still people or machine and the alien-ness was scary. I’m not scared of Hunters anymore because you can murder them with their own flechettes pretty easily once you get it down.

8. Fallout - Deathclaws. Okay yeah big scary dino, mutated chameleon thing, but these things are fast and tough and the fucking quarry in New Vegas? Leaving Goodsprings and trying to apply Elder Scrolls “I can probably outrun this” logic DOES NOT WORK. They are a great monster, they lumber, they roar, and they will get you. You see one before it sees you and you might have a head start.

9. I might be one of 3 people on this site to play them but Shadow of Mordor/ Shadow of War is fun. Yes it is basically a lotr fanfic game, but the nemesis system is fucking amazing I do not care what people said. Yes its a batman/ass creed clone. SO? I have fun killing orcs! WELL DESIGNED, LOVINGLY GENERATED ORCS. They have personalities and a history with the player character and a set of revolving traits. Also Carnan is fun. Caragors and Graugs, fuck ghuls, but fun design is a lotr homage playground. I wish something else was coming from this studio. If you’re out there Tumhorn Life Drinker I’m not dying again you bastard.

and finally

10. Okay so lore time for this blog. Poison Headcrab zombies are the worst. Great design, scary as fuck, fucked up noises, and really dangerous in close quarters. Headcrabs in general are great designs, i see u facehugger 2.0. Also enemy that jumps at face? awful! more please! anyways, Poison headcrab zombies.

There’s a couple in Ravenholm and a few in abandoned houses on the coast and in the hospital. I hate the noises they make. I used to replay the Orange Box up to Ravenholm and stop back when i was a kid. During my replay this year, my brother was helping me finally do the lambda cache achievement. Whenever we heard one of the zombies call we’d reenact that scene from spongebob where he’d turn around and yell ‘It sounds like someone’s trying to SELL ME SOMETHING!” and so we called them salesmen. “Uh oh, there’s a salesman up ahead, did you hear that?” This whole blog is a terrible inside joke of a spongebob reference used during a half life 2 play-through. You are now cursed with knowledge! Thanks for putting up with me!

[tumblunni]

Man the manga makes it look so fun to be a Nobody!

I really marvel at how they captured the uncanny nature of the enemy Nobodies?? Cos seriously the whole point of them is that they look humanoid but move in really inhuman ways. And each individual enemy type has its own unique mannerisms for this, but in general its like..slugs? I'm pretty sure its slugs?? They stretch and squish and wiggle around and its like pretty much EXACTLY how medicinal leeches move, but thats a very underrated animal so its probably more likely it was slugs or worms. Like 'hey lets exaggerate slugs' but BELIEVE IT OR NOT THAT FATEFUL WIGGLIER SLUG DOES TRULY EXIST. And i love their cutie patoot lil faces. And the world needs to appreciate them more!

...ok im getting offtopic but you get the gist of what i mean. The basic Dusk enemies are vaguely humanoid things with their arms and legs tapering off into sticklike points, and they either wiggle them around like leech heads or hold their arms behind them naruto run style and use their entire body as a leech! Like its more likely that they pick up stuff by wrapping around it like a snake, rather than just using hands?? And also they can fly and stick to ceilings and just generally have loads of fun?? And look really pretty?? And some of the other more complex nobodies look even cooler doing their weird wiggle flying. Like the Assassin type have these weird big metal petal shapes on their arms that flutter like feathers and make them look like winged snakes crossed with.. Kites...? Kites made of kimonos? Being worn by a man with no face..?

SERIOUSLY WHO DESIGNED THESE FUNKY THINGS THEYRE SO UNIQUELY GENIUS

And aaa the Days manga has a REALLY good panel showing a big swarm of them in flight and it just looks SO MAGICAL AND SPOOKY! this is the exact kind of Aesthetically Nutso Ghost Monster Person i wish i could be! The manga is so cool at iimplying the same sense of inhuman motion by drawing them like motion tweens? Like theyre warped into wildly different body shapes in every panel and its just SO CREEPY and SO BADASS and SOMETIMES KINDA MAJESTIC AND ENDEARING EVEN! And this big flight scene has EVERY SINGLE INDIVIDUAL ONE drawn with its own different pose and mannerisms and like man every one of these weird squiggle flights looks like a world of fun to do!! God i love when superpowers actually look FUN, yo! It fuckin sucks that theyre just low level enemies and not ever playable. The only Nobodies that are playable or even get a big amount of screentime in cutscenes are the ones that ACTUALLY look humanoid and also move humanoid and BOOOO have zero traits of the monster theyre supposed to be. Like man just give me a whole game playing a lil bebby Nobody flying around! They remind me of the wanderers in Journey, they'd be so well suited to a chilled out exploration game like that.

And AAAAAA i get so sad thinking about how they're like bebbys!!! Noooo! Why do we not have more sympathy for them?? Like the particular way they write their 'bumbling weak enemy' scenes just comes off more like..well..sad thoughts about what happens when you lose your heart. Cos i mean the series really doesnt dwell much on the implications of the fact every single one of them used to be human! And whenever they're not being given orders by the higher ups in the organization, theyre just shown wiggling around flying in circles for fun, like a shoal of fish. They're so inhuman now, aside from vague resembelance in their appearances. They'd be seen as the cute wpodland critters in a disney princess musical number if they werent designated as monsters! Like they're not just 'dumb', they friggin dont remember how to talk anymore. And in their most memorable scene they dont understand the order "find this person" and can be easily tricked by photos of him. "Yes boss here is roxas he's a little more flatter than usual but here he is!" And they just keep gathering hundreds of the same person and never once cotton on to anything being wrong. Its so cute and also scary?? Cos seriously they are such eldritch monstrosities of fragmented soul that they move on to STEALING THE WORD PHOTOGRAPH. Just plucking it right out of the language! Failing so hard that you warp the laws of reality! I feel sorry for the poor lil guys, you definately cant say they didnt try as hard as possible!

AND SERIOUSLY THATS ALSO A COMMON TRAIT IN THE MANGA

I'm just so happy that they gave a bit more sympathy to the low level enemies because seriously WHO GIVES SUCH A GOOD DESIGN TO A LOW LEVEL ENEMY AND THEN BARELY EVER USES THEM FOR ANY SCENES

They actually give some sorts of pseudo dialogue to them?? Like during the kh2 prologue they show roxas being able to psychically perceive their thoughts while theyre trying to kidnap him. And its just so sympathetic and sad in retrospect?? They did a great job amplifying everything about this sequence because they made the Nobodies look so much scarier, made Roxas's life with his friends look even more heartwarming, and made it all super tense so you overlook all these little hints and just cheer for roxas in defeating these guys. But they left so many things that actually foreshadow that Roxas is a Nobody too, so reading this a second time is so sadddddd. I almost wish this was the first time i experienced the story, i think it does basically everything better than the original game version. Like seriously THAT ONE LINE OF WHAT THE WEAK ENEMIES ARE THINKING! "We've found you, my leige". THEY WERE JUST TRYING TO SAVE THEIR BOSS AND DIDNT KNOW WHY HE DIDNT RECOGNISE THEM. AND THEN HE ATTACKS THEM AND THEY DONT KNOW WHY!! aaa theyre just BABIES god theyre just ghost demon thingies that are like the larval stage compared to the main character versions. They dont remember who they were as humans, they just know they love their boss!! and he's apparantly been kidnapped by scary humans!! THEY WERE TRYING SO HARD TO SAVE HIM!! they got so damn close to taking over the town and they were swarming everywhere searching for him and Axel was trying so hard too and Diz just kept interrupting him before he cpuld explain or lying to roxas to manipulate them against each other! And axel even brought cake and icecream with him!! He was just trying to rescue his lil bro!!! Auuuugh seriously it was such a good twist that the Scary Monster Dudes were objectively in the right throughout this entire intro, and they just wanted to save Roxas's goddamn life. And he didnt even get to remember his peaceful days as a family with his fellow monster boyos until like five seconds before dying :(

Did anyone else just.. Not want to play kingdom hearts 2 after the prologue?

Like i couldnt stand the mood whiplash of going back to happy go lucky disney worlds with sora and having no more deep sad intriguing plot points for like ten hours of gameplay. And i could never take Organization 13 seriously as villains when the entire damn prologue was them being SUPER FUCKING SYMPATHETIC and the 'good guy' trying to murder a child in order to bring sora back. Like why am i supposed to be happy that he succeeded when i know sora himself would say no if he was told what sacrifice had to happen to bring him back? I would have been way more interested in this sequel having me play as roxas and try and take on the legacy of sora as the next hero and try and find a way to bring sora back without anyone having to die. Like the whole story could be people being all 'blah blah youre worthless youre not human your only purpose is to die for the sacrifice' and we explore all different sorts of 'heroes' doing horrible acts and justifying it to themselves because some people are just 'born evil' and its okay to do whatever you want to them. And Roxas is always struggling with almost believing that shit about himself, but in the end he does succeed to find a happy ending for everyone without a need for 'sacrifices'. And he learns to have self confidence and form his own identity and have more friendship scenes with Axel and co and also redeem all the other Nobodies please and also hug the tiny enemy childrens ones. I just did not feel much for the plot of kh2 at all except for the Nobodies!! Its just not sympathetic to have your 'heroes' arguing that 'oh they dont have hearts theyre not human they dont feel anything so theyre all evil and its all fine'. The game acts like this is true despite giving sympathetic backstories to half of them and the other half all die crying that they want to live!! What the fuck!! Like the only consolation is that they clearly cottoned on to the Org being RIDICULOUSLY POPULAR and later games literally bring all the most fan-loved ones back from the dead and add EVEN MORE sympathetic backstories and also here have a bigger villain who was really responsible and also he lied to them and theyre NOT really empty hearted and incapable of love. THEY ARE CONSTANTLY SHOWN HAVING THAT, EVEN THE WEAK LIL ENEMY DUDES HAVE ALL THAT LOYALTY TO ROXAS AAAAGH THEY DIED IN DROVES TRYING IN VAIN TO SAVE HIMMMMM

And god theyre so cute and so well designed and so sad and im sorry but AGGHHHH

I Forgot I Had So Many Emotions For The Emotionless Bebs :(

...also i really wish i cpuld get this pic of thos one panel to upload cos it looks real cool. I didnt think anything could make me love them more!!! Theyte just innocent weird snake bird worm person mannequin origami things. They just want to flutter around like messed up butterflies! And adorably poke at things they're curious about, and hold brooms awkwardly with their squiggle hands! The manga shows them doing lil chores around the house!! I LOVE THEMMMMMMM

[kinda-bookish131223]

even though i know how terrible it is, i’m watching Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief

and for my own personal pleasure/torture, i’m going to keep a running list of the things that are wrong.

sorry in advanced...

- THEIR AGES. i cant even with their ages man. THEYRE 12! i do appreciate that they aren’t even pretending to be 12 while they're so obviously like 17/18 but still. THEY. ARE. T.W.E.L.V.E.

- grovers personality. he’s supposed to be this shy, meek character, not confident, loud, a ladies man, or anything like that

- Mrs. Dodds was the MATH teacher, and she didn’t say she was a sub, everyone thought she was their actual teacher

- RIPTIDE IS NOT A CLICKY PEN. can you imagine if it was? little adhd percy randomly clicking it, forgetting it was a sword, and cutting his finger off

- im ok with them progressing the story by skipping Montauk, but i don’t really like how they did it. 

- hey you know...whERE TF IS THAILIAS TREE

- every knows but it needs to be stated ANNABETHS HAIR MY GOD

- camp doesn't look right AT ALL. it’s got a forest, it’s not IN a forest. it’s a wide open field with the forest to one side, the strawberry fields

- grovers personality man. it bugs the crap out of me!

- Chiron is a white horse, not a brown one????? seriously??? THAT’S ANIMATION. YOU CANT EVEN GET ANIMATION RIGHT?? THAT’S YOUR CHOICE. ITS NOT LIKE CHANGING HARRY POTTER’S EYE COLOR BECAUSE WEARING CONTACTS WAS PAINFUL FOR DANIEL RADCLIFFE.

- i honestly don’t hate poseidon’s cabin, but where are all the others??? where the U shape???

- ‘your father built this for you’ no????? that’s not even close???

- also, again, i understand progressing the story, but Percy finding out he was a son of poseidon was a big deal. being claimed was a big deal. you can’t just skip over that. i mean they put in the capture the flag scene anyway. the whole scene between chiron and percy at poseidon’s cabin could have been them at the hermes cabin with appropriate dialogue (not the whole “someone is using you to start a war” nonsense) and it would have taken the same amount of time

- where tf is clarisse? i mean i miss my whole ‘percy controlling the water at the river’ thing

- GrOvErS PeRsOnAlItY

- “i definitely have strong feelings for you. i just haven't decided if they're positive or negative yet.” No. just. No. you’re 12. you don't like him yet. he’s just your annoying friend that drools in his sleep. 

- Hades showing up all Hell Fire style. wtf?

- NO QUEST/PROPHECY? WTFWTFWTFWTF I MEAN ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? THE WHOLE SERIES IS BASED ON QUESTS LIKE 15 WHOLE BOOKS ON QUESTS AND YOU CANT EVEN PUT A PROPER QUEST IN THE MOVIE??????

- and the whole ‘outside technology in Luke’s cabin’? no. not cool. also, where are all his siblings? i mean at least try.

- i think i just need to stop right now because i mean, a quest for pearls? no. they were given to them. not riding the bus, then it not blowing up, not seeing the fates, not being chased by the Furies? what?! not meeting Ares? no. not riding in the van with the zebra and lion and such? not ok. 

- i just cant.

- also, where are my Camp Half Blood t-shirts?

- and the whole Hydra in the Parthenon thing? i mean it’s been a loooooong time since i’ve read the book so i’m not sure what actually happens here, but i’m sure that if they had kept the original stuff from the book, it would have been entertaining enough without adding all this other crazy nonsense.

- like the Lotus Hotel stuff. They didn’t make a mad-dash, crazy escape. they just walked out. i mean it’s not exactly action-packed, but again, if they kept stuff from the book, it would have been action-y enough.

- the grover/persephone stuff. that was just weird. like no. could also be filed under GROVERS PERSONALITY IS SO FREAKING WRONG

- i mean i just. i give up. it makes me crazy. 

- like stick to the story. the action and the sass (where is the percy that sent the head of medusa to the gods gift wrapped? where is the “we drowned in the bath tub”?) they wouldn’t’ve needed to add all that other nonsense to try and make an entertaining movie. 

- why did i do this to myself?

[punkascas]

Fic Author Interview

tagged by: the wonderfully talented and incredibly sweet @amirosebooks  ❤

tagging: @iggyw @tenoko1 @casolantern @schmerzerling @amazinmango @serricoj @rainbofiction @coffeeandcas @topaz-eyes @angelofthemoor @culumacilinte @coplins

im going to do this from the slightly broader perspective of creative writing in general (since i write fic but i also write scripts and things for my job). also this is v long. sorry.

What inspires your work most? (The show it is based on, the actor who portrays a certain character, maybe the character itself…? It could even be an experience.) so generally my inspiration is (in order): (a) my own life experiences, (b) some kind of commentary i want to make about the source material or about fiction or fandom in general, and (c) the characters themselves and the aspects i love in them, especially trying to find ways to play with the duality of their personalities, the good aspects and the negative ones.  i’ve known for a long time that what drives me to create is that i want to make other people feel less alone. you know those times to read something or there’s a line someone says, and you’re like, yes, yes, that’s me; no one’s ever gotten that before or at least never put it so perfectly into words, whatever that experience/feeling might be. i want to give people that moment with anything i create. there’s also a lot of things that i’ve experienced in my life that come up relatively often in fiction, or at least in fic, and a lot of it usually is off-putting to me. it never resonates. it’s melodramatic or simply inaccurate, and i think is often written by someone who doesn’t have the lived experience to pull from. so i always want to add my voice to the pile and benefit from my own experiences to make those kinds of tropes and situations more realistic and relatable -- to me, but hopefully also to others.  like generally every character backstory or character arc i write in fic is something pulled from my own life. like it’s probably twisted or adapted somewhat, because i’m not into being autobiographical. but as an example, in faith healer, this bit: Memory degrades with time. Maybe as a child he knew that somehow. He knew that there would be a second, slower death across time, as she became more of idea than person, and so he clung onto specific moments as a talisman for Mom: I had a mom once; this was my mommy. He remembers her hands best. The way her skin was thin and dry, but her fingers strong, and the way they'd close around his hands. The way she would press in love and good luck and humility when he misbehaved with a squeeze to his chubby, too small hands. Second best he remembers her laugh, the way her mouth moved around a smile, the warmth in it, tinged with embarrassment whenever someone startled it out from her. The rest of the memories are vague, more like facts he can read out of a mental police blotter than lived experience. She used to wear some kind of fleece robe in the winter, thick and pilled, creating a soft cushion between her breasts for his head to rest when he sat in her lap for a story. He thinks the robe was red. She used to bake things from scratch and used to let him pretend to help. On Sundays she did laundry, down in the basement. He followed her once, asking when Dad would come back, and she paused on the landing, basket of clothes cocked on her hip, and wouldn't go any further until he went back upstairs. The basement, she said, was too dangerous for him, dark and damp. She wanted him to be safe. She always cut the crust off his sandwiches. that is my experience of my grandmother’s death. when she died i knew i would forget over time the specific details of her, so i picked a couple to remind myself of daily so i’d never forget them. and that was her hands and her laugh. and i do have that memory of her doing the laundry and standing on the landing to the basement asking her where my dad was and when he’d be back (he was on an 18 month voyage to africa - my dad is a sailor). and she did always cut the crusts off my sandwiches for me.  (and btw i can’t ever re-read that passage with crying.)

What is your favorite fandom to write for? i mean, usually whatever my main fandom is at the time? which right now is spn. i did also enjoy writing potc fic and RDJ films sherlock holmes. i like writing characters who have a very strong but also very biased or unusual perspective on the world. they make for good unreliable narrators, which is something i love doing.

Which perspective do you prefer writing in? (First-person, third-person) always, always, always third-person limited is my go-to. i only write in first-person if the original source material is written that way (like ACD Sherlock Holmes) and i want to do a pastiche of that style. 

Do you prefer writing reader fics or OCs? no. full stop. (okay, one caveat: i do like kidfic, but i am also SUPER PICKY about reading it bc im always looking for some accurate representations of parenthood and what it’s like to have a child. like kids are hard??? they’re hard and they make you worry and they drive you crazy and they have their own, weird, stubborn, fascinating views on life and the world. they’re not perfect angel children who exist only to be cute or ridiculously amazing mary sue geniuses. so yeah a well done kidfic where the kid is an OC i will read.)

Do you prefer writing longer works or one shots? given that every single WIP i have right now are fucking, horrible, lengthy novels,i want to say i prefer writing one-shots. i want TO BE ABLE to write one-shots. i used to do???? but yeah, i guess i really do enjoy plotting and world-building, which lends itself to creating monster plot bunnies instead of short stories or quick scenes. 

Do you take requests? i do! do i ever actually get around to writing those requests is another question. but absolutely. send me prompts. ask for timestamps. if it speaks to me, and especially if it’s something i think i can write in less than 1000 words, i’ll most likely give it a go. 

Do you enjoy getting random Asks? yes! always! i try to respond at least with in 72 hours. but yes please COME TALK TO ME ANYTIME.

What inspires the names for OCs (or extra character names) in your works? Do you pick them from real life or just select them at random? A mix? so with fic, i never really write OCs, or if i do, they’re p much a red shirt or like extra #243 or smth and therefore don’t have names. if a character has spoken dialogue or no on-screen dialogue but some impact on the plot, i’ll try to “cast” that part with a character from the source material. for example, in the family business (which i realise isn’t posted yet), there’s some issues with a rival gang that need resolving. i cast the head of the rival gang as a well-known character from spn that has generally served a rival or an enemy to the boys on the show. i like doing that bc i like the parallels it draws, especially when working with an AU, and the ability to explore characters and dynamics from a slightly (or not slightly at all but in fact completely divergent) angle. i follow the philosophy that part of the real cathartic nature of AUs and part of why we write them is the ability to offer commentary on the source material. that a good AU should offer commentary on the source material. they're both metatexts and paratexts simultaneously. the one caveat to this, again, is kidfic, because i like and i do write it (i’ve just never finished any of those fics enough to publish them). and then i try to name kids in the way i think their parents would name them. i try to put myself in the character’s headspace and try to figure out what name(s) would appeal to them. and if we talk about work, and the scripts i write, i mean all of that is basically OCs. so far every script i’ve written while employed by my current firm, i always stick in at least one instance of one of my dogs’ names. i also will make subtle film or tv references. like the script i just wrote, there were three characters, and the first character had already been named harold by our content lead. so i named the other two perry and harmony as a reference to kiss kiss bang bang. i’ve done all the clones from orphan black as OC names. i’ve done members of radiohead.  if one of the scripts im writing already has a theme built into it for a specific pop culture reference (like yesterday one of the scripts i wrote was using yoda speech and star wars analogies as part of its marketing and engagement strategies) so i’ll name characters in line with that pop culture motif (so the star wars themed script has luke and ben and daisy and carrie as characters). 

If your story(ies) have OCs, are their appearances based on real people or celebrities? If so, who? as mentioned above, i rarely include OCs and if i do, they’re unimportant stand-ins. so i never give much thought to how they look. offspring in kidfic i do think about how they look. if the actors who play the main characters have children, i’ll start there. like for dean and cas, i always look at jj and west and maison and try to figure out what a kid with some of those combined physical features might look like. i’ll also look at photos of the actors from when they were kids or teenagers and try to decide if these two people had a kid, what features would that kid inherit.  for work, casting people depends on client expectations and design direction and budget, so it’s a different ballgame. 

How long have you been writing fanfiction? i think the first fic i published was in 2002 or 2003. so 15 years i guess??? how has it been 15 years dude. 

[floofsta-x]

Monsta X, 아름다워 BEAUTIFUL musical analysis

Writers 별들의 전쟁, 주헌 (Jooheon), 아이엠 (I.M)

Composer 별들의 전쟁

Arrangers 별들의 전쟁, 아테나

Time Signature 4/4 (common time)

Tempo ~150bpm

Key concert D minor

    Hey guys! Sorry this took me so long, school as always has been eating me absolutely alive. Even now as I’m writing this I’m supposed to be catching up on assignments but I have absolutely no motivation at all to do so. Also hey, doing random but important musical analyses is relevant to my music degree....right?

    When I first heard Beautiful, in watching the music video seven seconds after it was posted to Starship’s YouTube channel, I was completely and totally blown away. Heck, I think all of us were! I’ve seen several posts pertaining to how expectations for this comeback were extremely high, but the new album and title track blew them out of the water. The music video, too, showcases the best of the boys’ talents and charms! I have to admit that each of the boys turns my head at least once in it, and ruins me in some cases too. Kings only here. :))

    Now I’m starting to analyze the music itself, and as I get farther and farther into it, I’m starting to see (or rather hear) exactly why this song is already making waves. Some of the things that I’m running into are both confounding me and making me grin in awe and pure joy. In short, this is something that might not be a big challenge to a music theorist but will definitely make them go ‘wow, yeah, this is cool’. 

    I’ve looked at a bunch of K-pop songs over the last couple months, and time and again Monsta X stands out in my head as being the group to listen to, period. All of their songs are very well done.

    But anyway! I’m just laying down facts you already know huh? Let’s see if I can’t blow your mind a little like this has been blowing mine~ 

     As with every song I analyze, I first transcribe the melody only, writing it down on staff paper. I use bar lines as phrase separations and not necessarily to write out rhythm; also all notes are represented by a quarter note with a slanted (or not so slanted, this is all handwritten lol) stem. Main backgrounds are notated and labelled; embellishing harmonies and higher vocal lines are written out above the staff. This is a technique that I originally developed when I was planning to start a series on here called kpop theory, all the way back when i joined the fandom four months ago xD. 

    Okay! now to breaking down this huge hunk of music! I’ll split this into parts so it’s hopefully a little easier to read. Also I’ll put all pitches in concert key; I’m having to transpose from clarinet (in B♭) so if there’s something off, please forgive me.

    Sidenote: the reason that I need to do this is because not all musical instruments sound the same. If one plays a written middle ‘C’ on the clarinet, it is not the same thing as a written middle ‘C’ on a piano; actually, It would sound the same as the ‘B♭’ right underneath that. So, basing everything around this pitch, we say that clarinet is in B♭.

Opening / Verse 1? >>> Jooheon and I.M’s Raps

     I haven’t fully analyzed every little background line, but I can say that for the most part, everything is centered in d minor. Actually the first pitch we hear is a d; it’s hidden in the electronic sounds but there nonetheless. (That’s also why it’s the first note written on my sheet lol.)

    The moment before Jooheon breaks in, the backgrounds hit a low ‘A’ and ascend by half steps--semitones--to d, there is distortion of course but the trained ear can pick out the chromaticism pretty easily. From here the synth riff in the background keeps tension incredibly high while Jooheon and Changkyun are rapping. (I love how they’re getting more comfortable with coordinating their raps! My little heart is weak for our rapper line ❤︎) I haven’t figured it out note for note yet (THERE’S AN INSTRUMENTAL SECTION IN THE MAKING FILM BLESS), but I know that through this section the main notes are f, e, d, a--the fifth scale degree of D minor and a note that is common in all kinds of music-- a♭, a strange little addition that probably has something to do with the last and lowest note, the next f down.

    Jooheon and Changkyun are so great at fast rapping wow. They both break into sixteenth notes (perhaps even faster) during this first section, very quick for the tempo of right around 150 bpm. Try Google searching a metronome, and setting it right around there, then saying “one-ee-and-uh” for every beat. Difficult huh?

    Last but not least, if you’re wondering why I’ve labelled this with a ‘Verse 1?’, that’s simply because I believe it to be the first verse, but I’m not quite used to calling rap, verses as in verses of a song and not just verses on their own.

Pre-Chorus >>> Shownu, Wonho

    The last note of the synth riff, the ‘A’, leads right into Shownu’s line, “niga nal, manjmyeon...”. Whoever wrote the melody is an absolute genius, it’s very flowing, lyrical, and beautiful ;). Compared to Jooheon and Changkyun’s fierceness right before, it really took me aback.

Solfege for this section: ↓ Sol Te Do / Me Re Te / ↓ Sol Sol Le / Me Re Do Te / ↓ Sol Sol Te Do Do ↑ Sol Me Me Fa / Me Re Do [EVERY DAY] / Me Re Do [EVERY NIGHT] / Do Re Me Fa [I CAN FEEL YOU] / ↑ Sol [OH]

    This sequence is very diatonic (moving by steps on the minor scale) so therefore easy to sing, something I am extremely pleased with. I was admittedly was worried, going into this comeback, that in an effort to make their songs more impactful they’d complicate the melodies and make them harder to follow. But they didn’t! Personally, though, Wonho’s ‘oh’ is right around the break between my chest and head voices, so I either have to switch or force my chest voice a little (I go sharp sometimes when I do the latter but I can usually hit it accurately). 

    So I’ll take this opportunity to talk about the key a little more. We’re in concert D Minor (with a key signature of one flat, one sharp for B♭ instruments) and I’m finding that most of the other songs on the album are in a similar key. I’ve mentioned before that I believe that key can affect the listener’s opinion of the song, right? Compared to The Clan part 2, on which close to all the songs were in keys with multiple flats and sharps, this is better. I believe that it’s part of the reason why not as many people like Fighter, the different style contributing as well, of course.

Chorus >>> Kihyun, Minhyuk, Hyungwon

Solfege: Do Do Do Do ↑ Sol Me Fa / Fa Fa Me Re Do (Do Re Me Fa) / Do Do Do Do Sol Me Fa / Me Me Me ↑ Te Do Sol / ↑ Do Te Sol Fa Sol / ↑ Do Te Sol Fa [SO BEAUTIFUL] / ↑ Do Te Sol Fa Sol [SO BEAUTIFUL] / Me Me Do Me Me  / Me Me Me Do Me / Do Me Fa Re / ↓ Te Te Te Te Te Re Do

    Again, most of the chorus is either diatonic or only skipping by thirds in each line. The only exceptions are the Do to Sol (D to A) in the first and third lines, and Me to Te, in Kihyun’s “geot gatado”. HIs falsetto here is quite clear and clean, and I’m in love with it? The note that he hits, that high E, is seen quite frequently in choir soprano lines. I have to use my own head voice to reach it! When Minhyuk sings it in the next phrase, it is a little grainier but not much. The “so beautiful’ theme is just amazing, I love it. Again, master melody writer!

    And then Hyungwon finishes it off with his amazing baritone! This part isn’t as low as some of his other things have been (Interstellar and Hero come particularly to mind) but he handles it beautifully. Like both songs, his lines are kind of a mood shift. Prior to now, we haven’t seen the ‘E’ (Re) in the melody (Wonho sings it in only passing during his “I can feel you”) and it gives more of a major feel to the end of the line, also perhaps to help us into the dance section. 

Dance Break 1 / Rap 2 / Verse 2 Pt 1? >>> Jooheon / IM

    Sometimes I wish that I was a talented dancer; doesn’t the boys’ dance look so cool?? They’re really in sync, I’m sure that they spent countless hours in the practice room rehearsing. My goal in life is to be so passionate about something that I can do that, push myself to the limit for it. 

    Anyways back to the music. Now we see that the backgrounds get changed up, emphasizing the electronic beat. They’re really effective, though simple: I didn’t notate it in my transcription, but it’s mostly chromatic half steps around D with a quarter note triplet rhythm. Here’s a quick mockup I made in MuseScore:

    The lower notes are the true ones, but I put them an octave higher too for anyone who can read music but isn’t necessarily good with lots of ledger lines.

    After eight bars of dance, next comes another rap section. Changkyun still sticks closely to sixteenth note patterns, while Jooheon breaks out into triplets, something that he’s done in other songs of theirs (Stuck comes particularly to mind). To feel this for yourself, say the word ‘blue-ber-ry’ to a beat. 

    This section ends with Jooheon’s ‘You’re so Awesome’. 

EXTENSION / Verse 2 Pt 2? >>> Hyungwon, Minhyuk, Jooheon

Solfege: te te ↑ do / te te te te te ↑ re ↓ te ↑ do / te te ↑ do / te te te te ↑ do re ↓ do te / do ↑ me me ↓ do do ↑ re re ↓ do do ↑ me me ↓ do do ↑ me / [JOOHEON RAP, I DON’T KNOW, 싹 다 ALL IN]

    Jooheon’s little melody there right before his rap is kind of atonal so I’m not sure of the pitches or solfege for sure, but I think what I have written above is correct (and what’s on the transposition sheet is incorrect). Me to Do is a minor third, and this is a very common interval; it’s used a lot in children’s songs and is often one of the first intervals they sing. Over the summer, I babysat two kids, a six year old girl and her four year old brother, and we were outside playing one day and the boy saw a bug on the ground. “roly-poly, roly-poly”, he sang, and bent down to pick it up. Take a wild guess what interval he used. Yep, the minor third.

    I believe this little part to be a melody extension, as it doesn’t seem to link back to either the bridge (forthcoming), the verses, the pre-chorus, or the chorus; it might even be separate all on its own. It shares the darker sound and leads right into the next pre-chorus like the verses, and it’s the same lineup as the chorus (plus Jooheon of course).

    I think that I’ve been getting more comfortable with telling people in my music department about my love for k-pop, so it shouldn’t be too weird to go to a theory professor and ask about this structure, right? I’m thinking that I’m going to pick our accompanist’s brain about it.  

Pre-Chorus 2 >>> Shownu, Wonho

    This is the exact same as it was before, and still just as beautiful. My only regret is that Wonho’s ‘oh’ isn’t accompanied by a full, clear view of that smoky look again (he hasn’t been doing it in performance, either, I’ve noticed--Does Wonho know that he’s missing a chance to maim and kill Monbebe? I’m always watching Monsta X mvs and shouting at the screen “YES Wonho WE KNOW you’re cute and sexy, can you STOP ALREADY” but....I want more of that smoky look....)

Chorus 2 >>> Kihyun, Minhyuk, Hyungwon

    Again, this is the same as the last time, with a few more background vocals added to ramp up the tension. I think Jooheon has some rapped ‘yeah’s and there might be some harmony parts too. 

    Which brings me to another reason why I really love this new album. It seems to me that there’s more of that harmony on Beautiful than on their previous releases, more consistently. I mean I know it’s been there before, I mean come on, 하얀소녀, and also Kihyun’s ever-present last-chorus elaborations???? but now I’m like really starting to hear and enjoy it when these boys back each other up. 

    Ps. If you ever want an experience? Find some instrumental tracks. They’re released with albums sometimes; I’ve found that they’re pretty easily accessible on Spotify. Take a moment to listen to what’s going on without any background vocals. It’s weird sometimes! My personal favorite example is Boys Republic’s Get Down.

Breakdown / Bridge >>> Kihyun, Wonho, Shownu

    Slow it down, we gotta slow it, slow it down~ 

Solfege: (K) Me Me Do Me Me Fa / Me Re Me Re Me Re Do / (W) Me Me Do Me Do Me Fa / Me Re Me Re Sol / (S) Me Me Do Me Re Do / Me Re Me Re Me Re Do / (K) Me Me Do Me Me Do Me Fa Fa / Sol Fa / Te Te Te / Te Re Do

    Breakdowns are often my favorite part of tracks, simply because they give the boys a moment to shine without anything overly complicated or attention-catching in the background. Beautiful is no exception, mainly because the harmonies are really brought out here, especially in the breaks between phrases in the main melody. I’m not quite versed enough to pick out what all the individual vocal lines are, but I’ve written what I heard right off on my transcription :) I’ll do a supplement once I know everything for sure.

    This time there’s no pre-chorus, the Bridge takes its place, so finally we go straight into:

Chorus 3 / Final Chorus >>> Kihyun, Minhyuk, Hyungwon

    And now Kihyun’s high notes are featured behind the band, and boy they are glorious. They don’t go any higher than anything he sings in the chorus, but they might seem so because of how they are presented and their placement in the song. Also, the vocal quality with which he sings them. I’ve noticed that Kihyun tends to stay light on his top notes, and in performances keeps his throat relaxed and his eyebrows up while he sings them. That’s a pretty certain sign that he’s been trained well by a vocal coach or multiple vocal coaches; also a testament to his natural talent and gift. 

    These backgrounds are the final level of tension to an already exciting and amazing song. Our boys are talented, that’s for sure! And I’m very glad that Starship is willing to bring in the best to work and collaborate with them. 

    And I believe that’s about all I have! Monsta X is just getting better and better, aging like a to-be-fine wine. I really hope that they can get their first win with this album, they really deserve it! I can’t stop listening to any of their music, and that is a good part of the reason why they’re my ultimate bias group. I’m working as hard as I have time to to make sure that their win happens. Monbebe! Fighting! 

    Please anticipate my analysis of the rest of the album, too, at some point in the near future. I just need the time, but what is that ;-; Also I’ve been wanting to do a series like this (as I mentioned before) for various other songs (I even have an entire playlist on Youtube devoted to it) but nothing ever came out of it, other than a collection of personal transcriptions that I annoy my friends with by playing all the time. ahha.

    I mean if you liked it give me a nudge? I loved doing this, and I haven’t seen anything like it here on tumblr. Also if you need explanations on things, my ask box is always open!!

[smoothshift]

My journey to leasing an Alfa Romeo Giulia (also known as I test drove way too many cars) via /r/cars

My journey to leasing an Alfa Romeo Giulia (also known as I test drove way too many cars)

Ok, first things first, it isn't brand new anymore; I just now got photos back from my amateur photographer friend so I thought now would be a good time to post photos/my thoughts on the segment/brag.

Second, pictures. It is a 2017 Giulia with the sports package (and nothing else). 39 month lease with 12000 miles/year. And it took me a while, but I've name my car Im (pronounced "M"). Why Im? A friend called it my Italian Mistress and I got a kick out of that. My girlfriend still calls it Alfy because she likes to give me pain.

Up until May 1st of this year, I was driving the same truck I had been since I was in high school: 2005 Ford F150 Texas edition. It was a great truck that gave me everything I needed for almost 150,000 miles with very few issues (the belts used to control the windows broke probably 6 times between the 4 doors and the windshield fluid sprayer broke once, but I don't recall anything else other than routine maintenance). But I was finally making money and decided I wanted something that was a different type of fun. Now, I am not a dyed in the wool car guy like many on this sub; my parents always had nice vehicles, but my dad runs a small commercial contracting business so, outside of his 197-something Gremlin that he was so fond of, I think all he's ever owned are various trucks. Because of this, my knowledge of cars largely originates from haphazardly marathoning multiple seasons of Top Gear/The Grand Tour earlier this year and picking the brain of a friend of mine that is definitely a dyed in the whole car guy (who also happens to be the amateur photographer).

As someone completely knew to the segment (and cars in general), I did some fairly intense research and test driving. I ended up test driving a Giulia (obviously), a 3 series, an A4, a C class, an XE, an ATX, and an IS. Just as general background, I was looking for a daily driver (my office is less than a mile from where I work, but my family lives several hundred miles away and my gf currently lives over a hundred miles away as well) and I would probably say my priorities when I was looking for a car were looks/how much they stand out, how fun it was to drive, how comfortable it was to drive, and how good the infotainment was (really narrowing it down for you, I know). I ended up test driving everything except the ATS, A4, and the 3 series at least twice, partially to help me decide and partially because I wanted to see what various people thought about each car. I'll put my thoughts about each car in order from the one I liked the least to the one I liked the best. Some of my thoughts on each car are gone at this point, as I've been relentlessly lazy with regards to finally making this post, but I'll do my best to recreate my thoughts as I had looking at each car. I'll have a TL;DR for the reviews at the end as well.

ATS

Ok, my least favorite car was the ATS. All cars in this segment are great, but there isn't a doubt in my mind that this car was the one that appealed to me the least. In my opinion, this segment can be more or less described as a continuum of cars that are somewhere between a luxury car trying to be a sporty car and a sporty car trying to be a luxury car. The ATS felt the most like a luxury car trying to be (even if only at a perfunctory level) sporty to me. It had a deep, sonorous engine that felt more like towing power than raw speed. The inside looked great, perhaps the most luxurious interior in the class. The outside was definitely stately. But it felt and looked too much like a powerful boat for my tastes. Even though this was the third car I test drove, I think it may have been pivotal in pushing me over to the "sporty car trying to be a luxury car" end of the segment, because this car just did not speak to me when driving it. Perhaps, in 30 years, it will be exactly what I want. Just not now.

I also didn't much like a lot of the things going on inside. It was beautiful, but I felt like the center consul was too high, making my right arm uncomfortable. Additionally, I am not a fan of touch screen infotainment. I want to be able to focus on driving when I'm driving, not fumbling around, stretching to touch "next station".

A4

Now, after saying I was pushed to the sporty end of the segment, I of course have to rate lowly one of the more sporty cars, the A4. Now, the general, albeit definitely not word-of-God, consensus among car reviews I had read was that the A4 was the top or very close to the top of the segment. Plus, compared to the couch-on-wheels ATS, it is much more on the sport side of the spectrum, yet I rate it very, very low. Why? Three reasons (one of which is often brought up by the professional reviewers.

First: professional reviewers are correct in saying that you almost feel removed from the driving experience when you are in the A4. I don't know how to say it much better than that: the steering wasn't as tight or responsive as I wanted it, I didn't feel overly excited when I tried to gun it, and, personally, I thought all the cool tech in the car was a draw back that removed you from the driving experience. It felt like you were in a driving sim.

Second, I didn't like the cool tech at all. I felt it was overwhelming (not in that I am tech-illiterate, but in that I want to drive, not play on a computer). I didn't like the Nav jumping over in front of the driver (I just want to see my speedometer, come on). I didn't like the placement of the infotainment controls because the stick is in the way. I don't want to try to change the radio station and suddenly switch in to reverse on the highway. But, like some people disagreeing that the ATS is too far on the luxury end of the segment, I am sure people will disagree as the amount of tech you want in a car at least partially comes down to preference. Add in to that the fact that I think sticking an iPad on the dashboard looks ugly, and this car quickly got knocked off my list.

Finally, and I'm sure A LOT of people will disagree with this, I found the exterior styling to be lack luster. It doesn't stand out in a crowd, and I didn't think it looked all that much better than any of the cars in the cheaper segments.

3-Series

I have to admit, the 3-series was the most disappointing to me. As someone only recently taking an interest in cars, the 3-series was the car I had heard the most about and thought the most of. I was expecting, in the words of Reinhart, precision German engineering. Rather, the 3-series kind of suffered from the same lack of real driving feel that the A4 did. It did everything right but it just felt... blah. It looked right, but at this point, everyone and their mother (in Houston) drives a BMW, so it didn't stand out. The infotainment had a good balance of features and not separating you from driving, but I don't really remember being impressed (although, I will repeat that sticking an iPad on the dash is dumb). And as lame as it is to sum up the 3-series as blah... that's how I felt. Maybe I should have tried the M badged one or a 330 instead, but BMW lost me before that point.

C Class

This is the car that doesn't fit in with my "last few cars" that somehow made it there. Once again, drifting closer to the "luxury car trying to be sporty" end of the spectrum, but I felt like the C Class was on the right side of it. If the ATS was driving a tug boat with a low, powering engine, I felt like the C Class was a midsized boat with a good balance of luxury and sport. In terms of the interior, it was right there with the ATS. My two main qualms with the interior being the iPad on the dash (I really wish everyone would stop doing that) and the lack of a stick for the drive modes (I'm not a fan of the little dial to choose drive). The AMG version had a really good looking midnight combination available (I don't remember what it was called, but you can imagine what it looked like). I also believe it had some sort of phone to nav compatibility, but I could be wrong (this was one of the things I hoped more cars in the class would have standard). I recall the steering being heavy but responsive, which I liked. It had a sports and a sports plus mode, which helped it inch closer to the sporty end of the spectrum. Additionally, the idea of driving a Benz appealed to me at some level. It ended up just not being enough to really make last few cars.

THE FINAL CONTENDERS

These are the last 3 cars, all of which I was very close to at one point to getting. If you're tired of reading my thoughts, it'll probably only get longer. Sorry in advance.

XE 35T

For a while, I was almost sold on the Jag, just waiting for the right one to come in. Why? Well, because Jag cheated. This was the only V6. As I originally test drove the 25T, I will give a short review of driving it (everything else is the same as the 35T). It was uninspiring. It didn't feel as powerful as the luxury boats of the class and didn't have the pick-up and go that the last two cars had.

Ok, that's out of the way. What I liked about the 35T: V6 power. It felt fast. It was fast. It was probably the best sounding of all the cars. It was just as exhilarating to drive as the Alfa (but in a different way). I thought the steering felt right; it wasn't too heavy and it was tight.

It also, in my opinion, looked great. I liked the more aggressive design than most of the rest of the class. One color in particular, the deep blue, was absolutely gorgeous. It is more rare than any of the other cars on the list other than the Alfa, which I liked a bit as well.

Also, its infotainment isn't an iPad sticking out of the freaking dash. It also had an app that let's you work with your phone for navigation (but you had to pay for the fully nav), which I loved. It was, however, touch screen, which is a big negative for me. Doesn't feel safe, and,e ven if you use the steering wheel controls, it is just too much going on while driving.

But the negative for this car is a big one, and probably the reason I didn't go with the XE: Unless you want to drop an extra 5k for the upgraded interior, it looks cheap inside. As a car starting at around 40000, I don't want to have a scowl on my face every time I open the door. I also don't like the spin wheel for drive selecting (but it did pop up and down when the car turned off and on, which was a nice touch).

Finally, sun roofs were not optional. Some people may think this is cool, but it doesn't have a hard plastic cover. This means that, if you live in the South, you have to deal with heat and sunlight always, because a flimsy little piece of cloth isn't going to cut it when it's 100+ degrees and the sun wants to shit in your eyes. To be fair, several of the cars in this segment have the same problem, but this is the one that I remember it about.

IS 200T F-Sport

Lexus did a lot of things right with this car. For the price, there are a lot of good safety features that come with it (auto break when reversing, lane control, etc.). I was also a fan how it drove. It didn't have the disconnected feel that the Audi and the BMW had; the steering was pretty tight, there was a good amount of power and acceleration, and it was actually fun to drive. The exterior was good; not as good as the Alfa or the Jag, but it is still a great looking car. I liked the extra "edge" the F-Sport gave everything. I really liked the interior if you picked the maroon leather/accents (my girlfriend strongly disagreed, unfortunately). The infotainment, although being an iPad, was stuffed into the consul rather than stuck on top of it. This was the car my girlfriend wanted me to get (the lame, non-maroon interior one, anyways).

But there were a few things I wasn't a fan of. First, although the infotainment wasn't touch screen, it was a weird combo of drawing on a little pad and a mouse, which was not good in my opinion. Also, I was told they had google car play/equivalent, and when they told me they were wrong, it only brought up the line by line instructions (rather than a map), I basically decided to go with the Alfa.

Alfa Romeo Giulia

The main event. Finally getting to the most controversial car in the segment, especially in this sub. If I had to sum it up, it would be "the car is everything they say it is." What do I mean by that? The exterior is beautiful. I know a lot of people don't like the trade-mark grill or this or that, but I really think it is the best looking car in the class. You will get stares everywhere. People will ask you about your car when you stop to get gas. People will want to race you at lights (well, in Houston they do that anyways because the drivers are dicks, but I assume at least one person has done it because of the car). You will smile when you see your car. You won't see anyone else on the roads with your car. It's like being the hot girl in the class; everyone looks at you and everyone looks at you differently. And it's great.

I love the interior. I didn't opt for the wooden inserts, but those really were breathtaking. Even for the poors like me, the aluminium looks really great. There was also a red leather interior option available (again vetoed by the lady), which I liked. The paddle shifters are single, large pieces of aluminium as well, which look a lot better (and a lot less likely to break) than the little plastic ones some other cars in the class had. The infotainment isn't just an iPad! It's built in to the consul and looks natural rather than an afterthought. Also, at night there is a truly great soft (and adjustable) ambiance lighting.

Everything about the driving position is great. It is comfortable even on long distance drives (my experience is limited to about 300 miles in one go, but I think that's a pretty good indicator). The front seats are surprisingly roomy (the rear seats can get pretty tight, however).

As I've alluded to before, the driving is second to none in the class. As my girlfriend put it, she knew what I would choose because I had a goofy smile on my face the entire test drive. I felt like it accelerated better than anything else (barring the V6 Jag), and it also had the best handling. The balance of the steering wheel was perfect in my opinion.

Also, I think the infotainment is the best in class (I know a lot of people won't agree). It is intuitive. It doesn't require you to take your mind off the road. Each thing you can do is easy to feel. Even searching for contacts or songs is quick. The only real negatives I have about it is that 1) no google drive-type app available and 2) the quick-select song station thing is great, but could use a few more choices (6 would be enough for most, but I travel enough that it isn't and I have to mess with the favorites when I am in another city, which is 2-3 weekends per month).

The main thing I don't really like the car can be summed up on the one buzz word I've avoided this entire review: Reliability. I've had my car for 4.5 months and 4700 miles. I took it in once for optional software flashed (the dealership didn't even notify me they were available, someone mentioned it on reddit). A few days before my appointment, a CEL came on and went away on it's own about 2 days later (still before my apt). Not very inspiring. Other than that, however, I've had 0 issues.

Additionally, when compared to the IS, there aren't enough safety features that come standard. All those cool things that keep me from wrecking came with the Lexus for cheaper (albeit it was a former loaner car) than the Alfa was.

Finally, it is worth noting that the 2 worse dealership experiences I had were both Alfa (and I went to a freaking ton of dealerships). I ended up going to 4 different Alfa dealers (long story), but one wouldn't even let me test drive because they thought I was too poor (and then told me the leases start at $700/mo, which is a bold-faced lie, and gave us some perfunctory BS about why it was double other cars that cost the same MSRP). Another one I went to had a guy that summed up the different packages as "well, some will increase the price, some won't, and it's different for every car." Alfas were new, but he was obviously not very familiar with the product. He was a nice guy, just not prepared.

Anyways, 10 out of 10 times I would go with the Alfa again. ** TL;DR:**

ATS: I don't wanna drive a boat, I wanna drive a car.

Audi: I don't want to play a game, I wanna drive a car.

BMW: I don't wanna meh, I wanna car.

C Class: I don't want this much of a luxury car, I wanna sporty car.

Jag: I don't wanna pay for the interior of a car that looks like the basic package should look, I wanna luxury car.

Lexus: I don't wanna computer with a car around it, I want a car with a computer in it.

Alfa: I want an awesome car for my drive to the mechanic.

Thanks for taking the time to read all of this and for all the great advice I've gotten from various threads. Feel free to ask any questions you may have.

[tumblunni]

Wait so is their name Uz or what...? I know before we (FINALLY) got an english dub of this game like a decade late and it became my FAVOURITE THING EVER, everyone used to say Yuzu for some reason. But then in the game it seemed to always say Uzu, but then the steam trading card emoticon says Uz..? And like.. there was pretty much no info on this installment of the series before the dub came out, and there’s STILL only a tiny fandom and even (annoyingly) some of the walkthroughs are wrong for certain endings. So i can’t even find out what the kanji were for Uzu originally, to have any idea on pronounciation... Man SO MANY names in this game are different between different menus, its really confusing! But I thought at least the main sidekick character was somewhat consistant!

anyway i need to know this because Uzu (redhead one on the left) needs to go on my Make A Fusion of All Of Your Favourite Characters meme even tho they have like the smallest fuckin role ever in a really badly translated game but just AAAAAA great design and sweet and cute personality and interesting dynamic of the protagonist kid being a former fairy who wished to be human, and Uzu being like her secret imaginary friend who looks after her~! its nice cos the previous assistant characters were all just serious and competant butlers, but Uzu is more like a second kid character that’s just not capable of growing up. It can get a bit sad sometimes but EXTREMELY sweet how Uzu is all ‘I don’t actually understand this humanity lesson I’m explaining, and I’ll never be capable of it, but i’m so proud of you for everything you’re doing’. Srsly its like ‘don’t go where I can’t follow’ but ‘please do, i want what’s best for you, and all us fairy siblings you barely remember are all cheering you on to achieve something we’ll never have, even if it means you’ll forget us’. Like srsly Uzu is such a sweet goofy dork who’s all ‘fairies have no imagination lol, I don’t get art’ and ‘fairies never have any bigger dream than just what they want to eat tomorrow. I want stew.’ ‘OH U~’ But like also its clear that they’re not incapable of emotion AT ALL, they absolutely fuckin adore their strange little sister that’s now a big sister and some day will be that thing called an adult and the two of them will drift apart forevermore..

And like just SERIOUSLY what little we see of Uzu is just that they care SO MUCH! Even as they struggle understanding the appeal of humanity and why protag wants to be one of those things, Uzu is still like MAXIMUM SUPPORT TIME. Just gets comedy moments from trying to support a thing they don’t know very much about, lol! Srsly its interesting and nice how much you get to know about the two of them via such few scenes, how Uzu starts off being all ‘oooh, yay, you spotted That Thing I Heard Humans Do, let me explain...’ and then it becomes completely apparant that the lazy lil sprite doesnt actually have anything beyond those two scenes of surface knowledge XD So end up teaching your big lil sibling all about the wonders of humanity! And even if Uzu is very much your opposite and very much happy-go-lucky and super confident in their identity as a fairy, they’re just so.. so... “I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS IMPORTANT BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT TO YOU, AAAAA” *aggressive cheerleading* seriously the only time Uzu gets sad is in the endings where protagonist gives up and returns to being a fairy, even though being a fairy is Uzu’s favourite thing in the world. Its so heartwrenching to see this little pink sweetheart being all like ‘was it my fault that it all went wrong? because I didnt take it seriously enough? she was so excited about it...’ And then those bad endings also say that protagonist will eventually forget this short time as a human girl, but she can’t return to being a happy peaceful fairy like Uzu. She’ll just remember that she regrests something, even if her immortal lifespan means she’ll lose track of what it was. And OH MAN I really wonder about what her and Uzu were like before the start of the game, then?? Cos she was said to be a not very happy fairy, she was just the only one who couldnt enjoy dancing around the flowers and wished of a human’s happy ending. I wonder if Uzu was already her friend then, and followed her to the human world to look after her, even though she’s forgotten them? i mean all we know about it is that their sibling dynamic is ‘technically true, all fairies are siblings since we were made by the fairy queen’. But like, whether Uzu already knew them or was just hired for this job by the queen or maybe even just snuck along like a lil trickster cos ‘huh? a fairy who wished to be human? That sounds fun!’. Whatever their backstory is, they’re a very damn good immaurture big sibling of strange, and I love this tiny family forever. Also apparantly baby fairies hatch from lucky drops of morning dew upon the flowers each spring, which is ADORABLE! i wonder if that affects their appearance? I’d assume protagonist was a lilac or a pansy, maybe Uzu was a snapdragon or a poppy? ;3

aaa sorry im rambling its just that I REALLY LOVE THIS CHARACTER CONCEPT and i mean the game already does have more dialogue with the daughter compared to other games and explains more about how the fairies work compared to your demon butler in the last game BUT LIKE I STILL WANT MORE!!!!! i love uzu and i love protagonist but protagonist’s personality is kinda blank slate and depends on your choices. but i still love her cos that starting concept of ‘sad lonely fairy who wishes to be a human princess, gets adopted by sweet disabled former knight man as a dad’ is just like THE FUCKIN BEST PLOT and aaaa I really actually cared about her and wanted her to succeed cos there was a REASON for wanting to reach the princess ending! not just arbitrarily wanting the best score, i want to give my sweet monster child her perfect fairytale dreeeeeaaaam~

but just AAA i really love Uzu and AAA god their design is so cool too, its just a nice colourscheme with the plain black and white casual robe thing and the very bright pink hair and then the tiny mischief ponytail and the surprisingly complicated rainbow sigil wing effects~ and lol ALSO i do kinda have to love a nonbinary character, yeah tho in this case its more of the ‘ambiguous headcanon’ type, cos uzu just doesn’t get any pronouns in english, and gendered pronouns dont really exist in japanese. and the game fandom is so small that there’s no sources on whether the japanese version ever mentioned a gender in supplimenary material. Also, I mean, the dub messes up a lot of really basic stuff like gender pronouns and even name spellings within the same sentence, lol! so its not really a reliable source. But whatever, it might be reckless to assume, but I’m gonna stick with this headcanon until we get proven otherwise, I guess. And srsly Uzu’s fab style is a look I wish I could pull off with my own androgeny in real life! (and yknow probably accidentally but they’re close to trans flag colours lol)

oh and from googling all i can find out is that uzu in japanese means spiral and yuzu means pomelo melon so.. huh. That Did Not Help.

also I found that tehre were a bunch of spinoff minigame compilations for the early playstation installments in the series! its really cute to see the characters from all the different ‘generations’ getting to meet each other~ In this one that seems to be the only one with any english info (Princess Maker: Go Go Princess), its like a monopoly board game except the pieces are an all-star cast of princesses and all the events are references to events from the individual games. SO COOL!!!

and look how much sprite detail they put into a silly spinoff! O_O it sucks that these spritesheets display this way though, so i have no idea how all the parts would line up and what the animations would look like but FUCK its still really cute to see cube and uzu having a good ol hug! also is it just me or do Uzu’s face sprites look a little older? I mean sure its probably just cos this was near the end of the ps1 era and the art style had gotten more detailed, but maybe I’d like to headcanon that Uzu ended up maturing from this whole experience and like.. maybe fairies age up as they emotionally mature? (cos i mean how did the fairy queen get to be the only adult one, lol!) Or perhaps Uzu could wish to be human too in the end, and become your real sibling! it’d be so confusing to explain that your new ten year old sibling is actually 500 years older than you XD also poor faceless dad character wouldn’t be lonely now his protagochild has gone off to be the best at 63 potential careers, yknow? or haha, maybe just imagine a reverse au where you raise all the butlers and the princesses are the butlers? or the princesses are the dads and the dads are the kids? OR EVERYONE IS LUCIFON man i just rrly luv princess makerrrrr