#i really truly thought negan had chosen carl at the end. i was convinced

[bayofwolves]

hey guys. lately i've been binge-watching the walking dead, some of it with my partner, most of it by myself. it's been a fun ride but to tell you the truth i've hit my limit. i just finished the first episode of season 7 and i think it's time for me to put the series down for a minute. that was something else.

[neganandblake]

I think I liked you better when you didn’t have a knife in your hand, Peaches... Chapter 50- Long, lonely nights

The days seemed to drift slowly by…

You'd have expected that with each day that passed, for Blake, things would get easier, with memories of her short time at the Sanctuary slowly drifting away.

But they didn't.

Things of course went by as usual at Alexandria. Rick, Sasha, Michonne, Rosita, as well as others, would go out, day-to-day, try to find guns, or at least try and scavenge enough food to keep the Saviours at bay for their next offering.

But as the hours and days ticked by, Blake felt herself becoming more distant and withdrawn from the type of life she had so been used to here.

It had been strange, at first, to be back….with faces, some she recognised, some she didn't, all whispering behind their hands about her…gossiping, speculating….mainly about David's death…but sometimes Blake had caught sentences slip from people's mouths…callous and uncaring…

"I don't know….he always seemed nice to me…"

"Yeah…you don't know…maybe she's lying…..I mean, he seemed like a good guy…and if he did hit her, well, maybe she did something to deserve it…."

"What? Like betray us?"

"Well you never really know about some people do you…?"

This had been one example of a conversation two middle-aged women from across the street had murmured to one another, when they had thought Blake had been out of earshot.

But talk like that was common here. For what else did anyone have to gossip about these days? Although that still didn't make it hurt any less.

It seemed like no-one trusted her anymore, and they were probably right to. She, above anyone else, in both this place, and back at the Sanctuary, had held Negan's favour. And that was a rarity in this world.

Not only had the dark haired Saviour let her live, but he had given her a room, a view, a life, even pizza, for god's sake…

She knew the ins and outs of the Sanctuary far better than anyone else here did…and yet she was still feeling tentative about giving up any information to Rick.

For she knew what would happen….even if the people here did manage to storm the Sanctuary, then what? Their numbers would still be no match for the vast amounts of burly Saviours Blake had seen at the factory whilst she had been there, let alone the number of people Negan had at his outposts. It would be suicide.

And so Blake knew that she would keep her mouth shut, and reveal little to nothing about her stay there to Rick, or Michonne, or in fact, anyone who asked.

And they had asked. Again and again and again. ENDLESSLY.

At first, their words and questions were kindly, with a faux pretence of caring.

But after a day or two they became almost desperate…begging her for any scrap of information that might be able to use to help their cause.

"Are you sure there's nothing you can tell us about Negan?" Rick had asked tiredly as he had come to Blake's door one afternoon, under the pretence of coming to bring her some fresh vegetables they had traded from the Hilltop.

But Blake had stood there, one hand on the door, lips pursed, not wanting to let him inside.

Rick was a good guy, she could tell that. But she still wasn't about to give up any of Negan's secrets to him.

And even if she did, what exactly would he do with that information anyway?

Did Rick really want to know how firm Negan's mattress was, or how sweet he had been to a two year-old kid?

What Blake knew about the Saviour was probably of no use to anyone anyway.

"I told you, Rick," Blake had sighed. "I didn't really have much to do with him…"

Apart from sleeping in his bed, of course….

She had given a small gulp.

"Anything you might have seen…anything at all that could help us," Rick pushed.

But this only made Blake huff and roll her eyes in irritation.

"They kept me in a cell most of the time," she lied, her eyes drifting down momentarily, away from Rick's questioning ones. "I'm sorry but I've got nothing for you."

And that had been the end of that. But Rick hadn't given up.

By the end of the third day alone, he had already sent over Tara, Sasha, Gabriel, even Carl and Judith to see if they could ween any information out of her.

But Blake had just smiled, reassured them she was fine, fixed them up with some drinks before sending them on their way with excuse after excuse.

It wasn't as if she wasn't grateful for their company, it was just their motives seemed rather questionable at this current time. And if Blake was honest, she was tired of all the bullshit.

And so, for the third and fourth day of being back here, Blake had stayed inside with the curtains drawn, not answering the door to anyone who had called over.

Keeping, very much, to herself.

Alone. Just as she wanted it.

It had, of course, been hard adjusting to life back here in her large, echoey, pristine house, without David here alongside her.

They had come here together, many, many months ago now, and Blake had thought she had been happy here with him back then, despite the bruises and marks he had left on her skin….dreaming that maybe they could live out the rest of their lives here together.

But it had only been when she had broken free of this surreal little dream-world, had Blake truly seen the extend of the damage David had done to her. The lies, the hurt, the pain, the constantly trying to convince herself that things would get better….

Blake, on her second day back here, had immediately taken what she could find of her ex-fiancé's few possessions and chucked them out into the trash. For why would she have to put up with reminders of him everywhere she looked, huh? He was not part of her life anymore. He was a mere speck on her existence.

As Negan had said, over and over again…Blake was a queen. And she needed to remember that.

But it was admittedly, hard to get by there, in that house, without anyone, and after the sixth day had passed, Blake had ventured out one warm evening…just to get some fresh air….running into Aaron and Tara who had been about to ascend the step up towards the home Aaron shared with his partner Eric.

"Hey! Blake…wait up!" Tara had instantly called after her, as Blake had parted her lips giving a brief and nervous sigh, hoping that this was not another attempt to bombard her with questions about the Saviours.

The caramel-blonde woman had neatly stopped in her tracks, staring up at the pair as they lingered near to the lit porch, looking over at her concernedly.

"Hey…" she uttered quietly back, brushing her long hair back over her shoulder and walking tentatively towards them.

Aaron glanced at Tara briefly before, biting his lip and nodding back towards the house behind him.

"Tara was just coming over for some spaghetti….." he said in a soft, kindly voice. "You…uh…you wanna join us?"

Blake's eyes drifted suddenly down to her feet, feeling a sudden lump in her throat.

"No…I uhhhhh…I should probably get going…"she uttered in a shy sort of voice, making to turn away. "Thanks for the offer though."

For all of this…having dinner together, making polite conversation…it was killing her.

"Tomorrow then?" Aaron had pushed, stepping suddenly forwards, and drawing Blake's eyes back around to the pair.

But Blake had given another hard gulp, pausing for a long second. "Maybe…." she had muttered back, before walking swiftly away.

With her currently finding that being back here, well, it was all too much, too fast.

And after checking that Tara and Aaron had gone inside, Blake had doubled back to her house, gone inside and bolted the door, before bursting into tears, placing a hand over her mouth to muffle her sobs. Felling so, so alone…despite having people reaching out to her.

For these were not the people she wanted right now, as selfish as that sounded. She wanted only one person. Someone that was probably shacked up with one of his many wives right now…probably not giving a shit about Blake or what she was doing.

Then why-oh-why could Blake not seem to do the same. To stop herself thing on the dark-haired bearded Saviour, every second of every day.

He was the first thing her mind was drawn back to when she awoke, and the last face she pictured at night…and it hadn't been long, lying in bed…with the windows flung wide open on a hot and humid night, wearing nothing but her underwear and lying across cool, white sheets, that Blake's hand had travelled down into her panties…now soaking wet with thoughts and memories of Negan's hard form, pressed up against hers.

She had moaned out gently and closed her eyes, as delicious thoughts of the dark-haired man's lips lingering over hers, drifted through her mind, as her fingers slid over her throbbing clit, so so desperate to feel his touch again.

And it hadn't taken long, maybe a few moments, for Blake to come utterly undone…breathlessly, moaning out his name.

But night after night of that wasn't enough…she yearned for Negan….more than she ever thought she would.

Yes, thoughts of losing Mia were utterly heartbreaking, and hurt her every day, but at least the little girl was well looked after by her two guardians. Safe and loved.

But losing Negan, she had chosen this path…to leave him like that…and that was a regret that Blake could right now, do nothing about.

Even if she was to take a car and go back there, that was no guarantee he would still want her. Maybe she had just been something to entertain him for a while, just like each and every one of his wives had been at some point. A conquest. A game.

And so, as the days drifted by, like clouds in the sky…Blake knew that if she didn't learn to settle in and belong here soon, she would lose all hoping of ever doing so.

So it was the ninth day of being back, after over a week of shaking off invites and conversations, that Blake had gone over to help Eric with taking the inventory of the food stuffs they still had in storage. He had reluctantly stepped in to fill the role after Olivia's death, and had admitted to Blake in passing that morning that he hadn't been doing so well with it, asking if she wouldn't mind helping him out.

It might have a been a small stab at trying to get some more information out of her, but Blake after pondering on it for an hour or so, had gone back over to help the auburn-haired man with his task.

And to Blake's utter relief, Eric had merely thanked her and the pair had got to work, taking notes side-by-side in silence. And for that Blake had been truly grateful.

It was hard now to open up to these people who she had once considered almost family, who now felt almost foreign to her. But perhaps she felt the same to them.

Was she more a Saviour now that one of Rick's group?

Did she hold herself differently now? Was she more confident? But maybe none of that had anything to with the Saviours anyway… maybe it instead, had everything to with David's demise.

Blake had gone back to help out Eric for the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, until Blake found that she had been back here for two long weeks.

The days had peeled themselves slowly by, but her work kept her busy now, each day, with a couple of people calling in to talk and catch up with her, as she went.

And that act alone had helped Blake build up her confidence again. To chat to people…..to go for dinner with Tara…to join in with conversations about everyday things….like none of the last few weeks had even happened. Forgetting about that life. About those events, if only for a moment.

But then the nights came again. And then she missed him.

Negan.

As she touched herself…. as she tucked her head silently into her pillow…..as she awoke from horrible nightmares about David and walkers, glistening with sweat, breathing hard.

She needed him…and wondered, somewhere, somehow, two long weeks after she had left the Sanctuary, if the dark-haired Saviour needed her as well…

------------------

Negan had returned from a run earlier that evening, his t-shirt soaked with walker blood, Lucille dripping red in his hand, his eyes dark and frightening to anyone who saw him.

Negan over these past couple of weeks had taken no shit from anyone, becoming more of a recluse, a haunting figure amongst the hallways of the looming factory, only descending on the rest of the Saviours when there was damage to be done…people to be punished…when he needed to step up take control and make sure those fuckers knew who was boss.

He had become far more ruthless, seeing the unsure look in Simon and Dwight's eyes two days ago, as he ironed one of his higher-up general's faces for insubordination.

Eugene had paled at this, as had his wives, as they had all stood in the towering hall, watching Negan roar with fury, taking out his wrath on those around him.

At his words everyone had flinched, no one had made eye contact with him, no one even daring to speak until the deed was done, and the dark-haired Saviour had sloped from the room.

He was undeniably bitter…undeniably angry….

…and he had a feeling he knew why…

It was killing him.

At least when Lucille had left his side, he had had other pressing thoughts to distract him. A fucking apocalypse for one thing. But now, it was just Negan alone with his thoughts.

Tonight Negan had dumped his pile of bloody clothes, as well as his barbed-wire covered baseball bat down onto the floor dismissively, before going to take a long, well-needed shower.

Naked, he turned on the faucet, instantly feeling the hot steam rising up, and filling the entire bathroom with a humid mist.

The water burned his aching skin as he swiftly stepped beneath the flow, but right now, Negan didn't care, as he held his face up towards the stream of warm water, closing his tired eyes and running both hands down his bearded face, letting out an exhausted sigh.

It was quite in here.

And Negan was alone, again…unable to help his thoughts from drifting back to three long weeks ago, when he had been stood in this shower with somebody else.

He imagined her now, Blake….tall, with round hips, pert tits, and that slender collarbone that Negan had once peppered with open mouthed kisses. She had tasted like honey and the sweetest, ripest of fruits.

Negan groaned as he felt himself stiffen, thinking about her…about the way she had turned to him, pulling on her lips excruciatingly slowly, and whispered bad, bad fucking things into his ear right here in this cubicle.

He let his hand drift down to his, now, hard cock, feeling it throb in his hands, as he bit down hard on his own lip, imagining just what he could have done to her here, up against this wall.

He pumped at his length, as the water flowed over him, panting now, glancing down past his tight and tanned torso, and down to his cock, his head now purple, dripping with pre-cum.

But Negan's thoughts were entirely on Blake now, remembering back to when he had caught her wearing just his t-shirt and a pair of lacy panties.….as he jerked himself off, building speed, parting his lips, a frown littering his brow.

….he grasped tighter, as he thought about how it had felt to have her wanting him, just as much as he had wanted her, over there on that wash-basin counter…as her mouth had met with his, hungrily…

Negan panted hard as he worked his own cock expertly, his chocolate eyes staring downwards, desperately wishing that it was her mouth wrapped around his length right now and not his own hand…

Negan closed his eyes yet again as he pictured her here…just as she had been, on that day, in here with him…imagining what it would have been like if she had got down obediently on her knees, and sucked him….

Negan let out a low guttural grunt, as he felt his cock twitch in his hand….

Once..

Then twice…

…before he groaned, pressing one hand to the shower wall, as his knees buckled slightly, and he felt himself cumming, the ejaculate washing away down the drain as quickly as he unloaded it, as he held himself there, in the moment, his eyes closed…..

…..wondering to himself if somewhere, somehow… Blake was thinking about him, just as he was thinking about her…..