#i really really hope my new meds kick in soon

[thesoupisburning]

cant write essay head too full of fnaf and bad financial ideas

[httpdwaekki]

tired | b.c.

summary: overwhelmed and exhuasted, you text your boyfriend to make you feel better.

wc: 793 | ss: 1

warnings: mentions of dissociation, exhuastion, and stress. nothing too crazy. the reader has a studio apartment. unedited.

a/n: once again self indulgent, shocker! just a lil drabble but i hope u guys like it and maybe even relate and find comfort in this. i hope you all enjoy, remember to eat, drink water and take your meds, ily <3.

my library

please consider donating to this fundraiser!

(photos are not mine! credits to owners!)

it was truly your breaking point.

you felt hopeless, stressed, beat down, and just tired. tired of your shitty job, your shitty apartment, your shitty desk everything. it felt like you had too much stuff and not enough space, literally.

the desk is what broke the dam though, your little $90 desk from amazon had bit it (shocking), the leg somehow become detached. the realization that not only did you have to pay for a new desk with money you didn’t have, but you have to figure out how to build it in your tiny little apartment.

you just couldn’t do it anymore, all you wanted to do was curl up in bed with your boyfriend and cry. which is exactly why you texted the aussie boy about 20 minutes ago. you had already changed into comfy clothes and were snuggled up under some soft blankets and plushies.

you dissociated as soon as you cocooned yourself, causing you to not hear the sound of keys or the lock turning. you saw the light pour in from the hallway outside, revealing chan, making him look like an angel, your savior.

once he took a step in, taking in your appearance, the dam broke once more. a pout present on your lips, hands out reached to the man in front of you. “channie.” you whimpered. 

he made quick work of locking the door while kicking off his shoes, dropping his bag to the floor. “i’m here, i’m here.” he repeated as he made his way to you, pulling you to sit up as he sat down.

“come here sweetheart.” he wrapped his arms around you as you did him, shoving your face into his shoulder. your tears soak his jacket, but he couldn’t care less. all he cares about it making you feel better.

he keeps his arms wrapped around you, hands rubbing up and down your back, lightly scratching as he goes. he whispers sweet words to you, planting the occasional kiss to your hair. “you’re okay, i’ve got you.”

as your breathing evened out a bit, you pulled away, feeling even more tired from your emotional outburst. “i’m sorry, i just really needed you.” you fiddled with the blanket in your lap before he placed a gentle hand toy our cheek, lifting your head.

“baby, never apologize for reaching out when you need help, okay? i’m glad you texted me, that’s what i’m here for okay?” you feel your eyes fill with tears once more, nodding in agreement.

“hey now, that wasn’t supposed to make you cry.” he laughs slightly as you shake your head, wiping your tears before looking at him. “i just really love you.” you bring your hand up to his soft cheek, giving it a soft rub.

he turns his head to place a kiss to your palm. “i love you too, my baby.” he gives you a love sick smile, his dimples on full display. you mirror him before quickly moving to attack his face with kisses.

“yah!” he exclaims, laughing as you squish his cheeks, bringing him closer to you. “okay, okay come on, lets lay down.” his giggles die down as your attacks slow. you giggle before finally laying back, making grabby hands to him.

he quickly rounds your bed before lifting your blankets, opening his arms to you. you quickly slot yourself between his arms, relaxing into him, inhaling his scent. 

“do you wanna talk about it?” he asks once you settle against him. you ponder his question for a moment. “can i tell you tomorrow?” you mumble, trace shapes against his chest.

“yeah, that’s okay, i just wanna know what’s going on and help.” you nod understanding his words, leaning up to places a kiss to the underside of his jaw. “thank you, i appreciate that.” he squeezes you tighter, placing a kiss to your temple.

“do you wanna watch lilo and stitch?” he asks before leaning over to grab the remote that was sitting on your bedside table. “yes please.” you hum, pulling the blanket over your shoulder, sinking furthermore into the aussie below you.

“comfy sweetheart?” he asks, glancing down at you as you give a slight nod. you yawn as you hear the opening music to hawaiian roller coaster ride, sleepily humming along as he wraps his arms around you once again.

“goodnight baby, i love you.” he places a final kiss on your temple, causing you to let out a content sigh. “goodnight channie, i love you too.” you mumble, pressing a kiss right above his heart. 

and that’s exactly how you both stayed the rest of the night. cozy, watching your favorite comfort movie, wrapped in each others arms before the sleep welcomed you both with warm, open arms.

do not repost

feedback and reblogs are always appreciated but never expected!

(p.s my taglist is open, just send me an ask if you would like to be added!)

[re-termination]

✿ Fear not, Dear expendable

Platonic - Sebastian Solace x GN! Reader

Notes- This was ripped directly from my Ao3, but I wasn't satisfied with how it was written, so here's the reworked version where sebastians' character feels more natural. The original was written before the friendly fire update and has since been taken down.

Word count: 1,736

Door 45…

Door 46…

You were almost there. Almost there to Sebastian's makeshift shop. You were at your wits end and desperately needed a break before heading back to your main objective. Being down here worsened your paranoia. You most definitely didn't need a surprise attack from an angler right now.

So many injuries yet no med kit in sight. Hell, not even any data. You had dropped your backpack filled with data and your flashlight a couple of doors back because of some stupid void mass. “Stupid, how stupid this all is," you thought. Even if you made it to Sebastian's shop, you wouldn't even be able to afford a med kit.

Door 47… is pitch dark. Suddenly you were hyper aware of every sound. You weren't afraid of the dark, really, but coming here changed everything. There were monsters out to get you and you just couldn't afford a slip up. With your heartbeat accelerating and paranoia kicking up, you started walking slowly with your arms stretched out in front of you.

To say you were scared was an understatement. You would drop down onto the floor if it wasn't for the eerie sounds of the facility and faint screams from other expendables in rooms farther away from you. The idea of death and dying alone was starting to get to your head. You needed to walk faster.

You didn't care feeling around the room for drawers with data in them. You just needed to see some form of light again. But upon finding the door, you discovered a new problem. A keycard was needed to proceed. Just your luck, really. Turning around, you began to feel around for that damn keycard. It was too dark to see so naturally you tripped over a random electric cable and smacked your forehead against whatever was in front of you.

“Great, just great really.” The impact of the fall hurt your knees and face and boy did it take everything in you to not let a whimper of pain escape you. Now sporting new injuries, you slowly picked yourself up and touched whatever was in front of you. A desk! And would you look at that? It also has the keycard needed to proceed! Maybe your luck wasn't so bad after all. Keycard in hand, you traced back your steps and found the door to the next room once again.

And voila door…48. Another pitch black room. Yet again you couldn't see a damn thing and mentally scolded yourself for dropping your flashlight. Standing idle in fear wasn't going to do anything, so you trudged on.

Has the dark always been this frightening? When did it all go wrong anyway? You just wanted to see the light again. The sun's light. Everything down here seemed out to get you. Everything you couldn't see only scared you. You kept dying and coming back, even death didn't want you.

When will this all end…?

With your jumbled thoughts getting louder and louder you failed to realize there was something emerging from the wall. You just kept walking, in hopes of at least seeing the facility's lights again.

…Door 49

Whatever God was watching you must've been laughing. Yet again another dark room. Your breathing was getting more inconsistent. Your chest was starting to heart from the constant thumping of your heart and irregular breathing. You couldn't calm yourself down even if you tried harder.

You needed to pick up the pace. To get out of here.

With that you started dashing to find the door. Your footsteps are heavy but quick. You hear something but brush it off as the sound of your own footsteps. That thought quickly disappeared as soon as you heard something behind you. It sounded disgusting and almost liquidy. The sound of whatever was behind you made your stomach churn and you didn't dare to look back. Too horrified to think logically, you kept running, almost tripping on your own feet.

The room seemed so big. The idea of dying here was taking over most of your thoughts to the point of crying. To make this situation any worse, you could hear the screaming of Pinkie making its way to the room you were in.

Too dark to search for a locker and getting chased by two entities???

Run faster. Run faster.

You just needed to make it to Sebastian's shop to be safe right? Would he laugh at you for looking pathetic? You couldn't give a damn what he thought. Surely whatever remaining humanity he has can sympathize with you. Right?

“Need to stock up?”

Speaking of the devil! You never felt more glad to hear that fish bastard than now. You may dislike Sebastian, but you needed to get away from Pinkie and whatever the hell was chasing you.

With pained grunts, you crouched and quickly crawled through the vent. You could hear Pinkie advancing but what about that other thing?

“Ahh it's y-” Sebastian was quickly cut off when he saw you dashing to… hide behind him? You quickly duck down, close your eyes and cover your ears. Like clockwork, you feel the room shake a bit from Pinkie passing by.

Just as you were about to move from your spot, Sebastian held you down in your spot and covered your eyes with his 3rd hand. With that, you heard a gunshot. Your breath hitched and you started shaking again.

“What a mess” Sebastian grumbled as he put his shotgun away.

You came into his shop and even brought a wall dweller with you. Hell, you even made him use a bullet on a monster you could've easily scared off. He's going to let you have a piece of his mind. Or so he wanted to. He let go of you but you just clung onto him. This action made him flinch. He wasn't very fond of touch after all.

“Shaking like a leaf, how pathetic you are.” The audacity to even get near him knowing he could kill you at point blank.

He could never tell what was going on in your mind but right now, it was pretty clear what you were feeling. Here you were trembling with tears sliding down your face. And would you look at that you also managed to hurt yourself a good amount.

He wasn't sure what to do with you. But he guessed he could start off with helping you get all patched up. He could just leave you alone, but he wasn't that rude to customers like that didn't anger him.

“Hey ‘friend’, I'm going to help you out a bit alright. Free of charge may I add, but this is a one time thing!” You were unresponsive to him but he still took that as a ‘yes go ahead’. He gently lifted you up by your arms and sat you down on the desk next to him. Grabbing the medkit on his tail he quickly got to work.

-

“There. Good as new! You should really get going though.”

While Sebastian was patching you up, you calmed down a bit. He was too focused on helping you that he didn't realize you were staring at him the whole time. ‘Huh guess he's not that much of an asshole.’ In your fit of panic, you didn't realize Sebastian moved you from the spot that was behind him. Now you were sitting on a desk while he finished up cleaning up the materials he used to help you out.

Sebastian, while snarky at times, acknowledged what you were going through. He didn't want you to see what was following you, yet anyway, so he positioned himself to block your view from seeing the wall dweller corpse on the ground by the vent. Maybe he'll pick it up and see if other expendables will buy it since it seemed like they'd buy just about anything.

Right. You needed to thank him. You really wanted to thank him for helping you but couldn't get the words to come out of your mouth. Guess you're still in a bit of a daze.

Watching you struggle with trying to speak, he let out a heavy sigh. “Change of plans then.”

He moved into a better position to lay down but also block your view that was the vent to get into his shop. You'll see the horrors later so he'll spare you just this once.

“Listen friend, you can rest here. Don't worry about your gear detonating, you'll be fine.” He pointed to the scrambler on his back to answer the question you were about to ask.

Sebastian may tower over you and have the power to kill you, but he chooses to let you rest while he keeps guard over you. It feels so warm. You may have disliked Sebastian earlier, but now? Hm you'll ask him later about his actions towards you. Right now you really did need to rest. Not the most comfortable of places but you didn't want to ask Sebastian if he could accommodate you so you could rest easier.

-

“Out like a light.” He sighed. You didn't look very comfortable sleeping on top of a desk, but that's the best he could do for now. He hated when expendables touched or even got too close to him but he supposed he could make exceptions for others like you but at a hefty price, of course. Maybe once he's more comfortable in your presence, he'll let you rest against this tail.

As for what happened this run, Sebastian had his reasons to help you out there. A dead customer isn't very useful after all.

No, that's not it.

He helped you maybe because that look of fear on your face struck a distant memory from his past. Seeing you panic stricken like that wasn't something new, even to him. That expression on your face reminded him of the times he got experimented on for the first time.

With a shake of his head, he brought a claw up to your head and gently poked you. From this angle, he realized just how fragile a human can be.

After a bit of staring at you to make sure you were asleep he tugged on the esca on his head to turn off the light. He'll clean the mess in his shop later. Right now he'll just keep watch and make sure you sleep soundly.

“Stupid expendable.”

[in1-nutshell]

I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT!! D:

But my request is a SG version of Ophelia if she somehow did survived the optimus attacked!

Cuz I saw the one concept of the SG thing and I am really infested :00

SG! Ophelia is here!

Hope you enjoy!

What if... SG! Ophelia had survived

SFW, Platonic, Familial, Hinted romance, Cybertronian reader

SG!

Based off of TFP SG.

Ophelia originally was offlined by Nemesis Prime.

Blasted in the chassis from being held by her neckcables in front of an audience of Cons.

But instead of being blasted, Ophelia had grabbed a piece of shrapnel and plunged it straight into his joints.

The Prime screamed letting her go.

She wanted return straight to the Decepticon base, but there were too many Autobots in the area.

Ophelia managed to find a old escape pod and hid inside.

She figured hiding out in an old pod would be safe enough until the crowds thinned out.

… except the pod was fully operational and had activated it.

Ophelia was screaming when the pod suddenly shot into the sky.

Soon enough Ophelia went into stasis.

The Cons reported back that Ophelia had gone missing from Nemesis’s attack.

Megatron wanted to send troops in to look for her, but they were severely outnumbered and needed to retreat.

Megatron sitting in the Nemesis. Soundwave and Starscream approach him. Soundwave gently putting a servo on his shoulder: “Hey… We’re all worried about how she’s doing Meg’s. But she’s a strong bot, probably one of the most stubborn ones too, she’ll be fine.” Megatron: “…I should have been there.” Starscream now sitting by his side: “Megatron—” Megatron: “I should have been there!” Starscream: “Yet you weren’t and there is nothing we can do about that!” The three of them fall into silence. Starscream: “… I am sorry Megatron, but that is the truth. You weren’t there and we cannot change that. All we can do now is hope that wherever Ophelia is, that she is safe.” Megatron looks at Starscream and Soundwave. Megatron: “… I apologize for my outburst.” Starscream pats his shoulder before starting for the exit. Megatron: “Thank you, both of you.” Starscream nods his helm. Soundwave gives him a side hug: “Anytime Megatron, anytime.”

Ophelia was always on Megatrons mind when he wasn’t thinking about the war.

Wondering where did his sparkling go.

Meanwhile, Ophelia’s pod had crash landed on Earth, more specifically in the Artic.

No way to open the pod, she stayed in stasis for the following years.

Time skip to Cons being on Earth…

Thanks to a new scan, the Decepticon’s managed to find something Cybertronian under a thick layer of ice, appearing to be some sort of pod.

The pod was brought on board and sent to the med bay for further examination with Knockout and Breakdown.

Once most of the ice was melted, Knockout noticed something moving inside and motioned Breakdown to call for Megatron.

Which was immediately followed by a small pede kicking the pods door open.

Ophelia wheezed a bit clearing her vents before looking around.

Breakdown up and fainted.

Knockout was close behind but managed to stiffen up to do his job.

He welcomed Ophelia back while examining her for any potential injuries.

A few minutes later Soundwave came in with some of the reports that Knockout needed when his visor landed on Ophelia.

She smiled happily and waved at him.

Every bot near to med bay heard the scream that Soundwave let out

Soundwave nearly rammed into Knockout, who was saved at the last minute by a barely conscious Breakdown.

He wrapped his tentacles and arms around the smaller bot and held her closely while slightly sobbing.

Starscream and Megatron soon came running in wondering what had happened to their third in Command.

Megatron felt time stop when he saw Ophelia in Soundwave’s arms.

Ophelia literally leaped out of Soundwave’s grasp and into Megatron’s open arms.

Megatron went down on his knees hugging his daughter, a few tears escaping as he held her tighter.

Ophelia patting her father’s neckcables softly. Megatron finally lets go a bit and places her on the med slab. Megatron: “Ophelia… I’m so—” Ophelia: “Meg’s if you apologize, I’m going to have to stop you.” Megatron: “But I should have—” Ophelia: “It was my mission. Things just got a bit messy here and there. And Sure I missed a few dozen years, but that doesn’t change the fact that it wasn’t your fault.” Megatron looked like he was going to protest but stopped and smiled. He turns to Knockout. Megatron: “How is she?” Knockout: “The prolong exposure to the stasis pod, specifically this model can have some side effects in balance for a few days. Not to mention the previous wounds that need to be fixed. I highly suggest she stay o the Nemesis until she is back to her normal state.” Ophelia: “Aww! I wanted to go and bash some bots!” Soundwave pats her helm. She playfully swats it away. Megatron: “You heard the medic Ophelia, only some of the ships work until further notice, am I clear?” Ophelia looked like she was going to protest before something caught her optics making her quiet. Ophelia: “Yeah… sure I’ll stay. Only ship duty things, right?” Megatron a bit confused by the lack of argument: “Yes…” Ophelia nods slowly with a smile on her face.

This sudden lack of argument puzzled many of the high commanding Cons for days.

Usually, Ophelia would argue with Megatron about fighting out on the field despite her stature.

The lack of any resistance was almost frightening when several days past and not one complain about fighting outside came from her.

It was Soundwave who came up with a theory while looking through the security cameras.

Soundwave zooming on Ophelia’s face on the day of her return. With a quick scan, he followed where her gaze went to. A couple of Vechicons were passing, nothing special. Soundwave: “Unless…” Soundwave pulls up several videos of Ophelia working around the ship talking to one of the Vechicons in the previous video. Soundwave: “No…” Soundwave pulls a live video of Ophelia talking to the Vechicon. Ophelia was on some crates and leaning on the wall talking to the Vechicon. Ophelia: “So Steve, did you get a new paintjob because you are looking fantastic today.” Steve completely oblivious: “Oh no, I accidentally got caught in a rainstorm before coming on board.” Ophelia: “I bet I can help you get clean.” Steve, still oblivious: “I don’t think you can reach me in the wash racks.” Soundwave: “… well… This should be good.”

[cozzzynook]

Rodimus being really stressed and not taking care of himself because he has so much going on. His spark flutters get so bad that he ends up having a seizure.

- rodimus over works himself because he gave his high command holiday leave to enjoy it with their conjunxs and he stayed because he doesn’t have a conjunx or partner. He doesn’t even have a frag partner this time around because contrary to belief he does not want to take advantage of his crew or start sleeping around on his ship. He’s not that irresponsible.

- He takes on their paperwork and has their shifts covered. He can’t get Minimus or Megs shift covered by anyone so he just does it himself. Its fine at first but all the caffeinated oil on the ship can’t keep him awake for all the hours needed to help him focus on paperwork. Not to mention he needs more recharge than the average speedster. His spark can’t handle too much caffeine oil either so he’s stuck with a tired spark and dulling frame as he does constant paperwork, long ongoing shifts and gets little less than five hours recharge.

- the cycle repeats for a solid month while high command is away. First aid is about ready to throttle Rodimus to make him get some recharge when Rodimus falls out during his shift and ends up having a seizure right there in the halls.

- rodimus missed too many doses of his spark medication and the over consumption of caffeine oil made his spark beat far more erratics than usual.

- Rodimus is put on berth rest and left in the medbay for optic supervision since he hasn’t been taking care of himself.

- When the others in high command come back, Roddy is still on berth rest and in the medbay in a deep, much needed recharge.

- Drift is not pleased Rodimus hasn’t been taking care of himself nor is Ratchet who wants to take over but First aid won’t let him.

- “he’s my stubborn patient,” and First aid promptly kicks them out but relents to Minimus and Megatron joining the space but only for a brief time.

- the seizure took quite a lot out of Rodimus who had to do speech therapy to strengthen his vocal cords and internal speech modules.

- he also had to get a new med panel for his spark.

- he doesn’t get released from the medbay any time soon and when he does he has to agree to let someone stay with him because he’ll need it. Rodimus out right refuses that.

- thankfully a little visit, forced acceptance, from Cyclonus, Whirl and Tailgate changes him processor and he’s staying with the three in their large hab until he finishes recovering.

- Drift is not happy Rodimus refused to stay with himself and Ratchet and Minimus and Megatron feel the same way.

The only thing Rodimus can say that won’t hurt their feelings is, “I don’t want to sleep in the same hab as a conjunx pair. I don’t need to hear you guys going at it.”

He resorted to saying that after, “I don’t want to intrude,” didn’t work.

Both were true.

But he really, really, really, didn’t want to lay in berth or watch them be in love when he once was in love with them. How he was alone and had no one.

The thing with Whirl, Cyclonus and Tailgate is that he didn’t have old feelings for them. They truly have only been friends and still are. So its a lot easier staying with them instead. He still doesn’t want to intrude but he can’t argue with Cyclonus carrying him bridal style into their room and Whirl threatening to poison him until he’s fully recovered.

“No more over working yourself Captain. There are still bots aboard that want you here.”

Cyclonus words are something only himself and his two partners truly know the meaning of and he has to hide his em field and optics while others are passing them by. The purple mech knows his appreciation and he whispers as much in that moment.

Rodimus doesn’t overwork or over stress himself after that but he does have a new appreciation for the trio.

When they land on a planet with bots and one comes up to him and kisses his servo, he doesn’t push the large femme away.

Instead, he smiles.

And hopes the future will be brighter.

[base0h]

Hey slayer. I've been violently ill lately and thought it be best to turn my misery into your profit, so here's a request for you. May I request the asl trio with an s/o that one night got really really sick?? Like I'm talking throwing up in the toilet, body shaking, feeling like you're going yo die type of thing. Thanks, have a great day and I hope you drink water 👋

a/n - nooo! I’m sorry about that anon :( I hope you feel better soon :) sorry in advance but I somehow make things cracky when they’re supposed to be serious 💀

warnings ⚠️ - g/n reader, vomit, comfort

- this guy hasn’t gotten sick once in his entire life, so he doesn’t know what the fuck to do when someone gets sick- (have you seen the way he tried to handle when nami got sick 😭)

- today, you already felt nauseous, sick to your stomach. The thought of eating made you want to throw yourself overboard-

- the rocking waves that shook the boat back and forth only contributed more- you weren’t even sure if this was your sickness, or sea sickness at this point

- maybe both?

- the toilet was your new bestie, the amount of times you threw up in there were countless

- chopper did his best with what meds he had- but nothing really eased the sickness. Your head just kept banging, dizzy from how many times you’ve thrown up

- your captain wasn’t sure what to do- he just kept frantically calling chopper over to see if you were ok.. He knew that maybe his funny antics weren’t going to help you right now

- “Sorry y/n… But I think this is just going to pass tomorrow, hang in there.” -chopper

- You were glad it wasn’t anything serious, but this was horrible

- Don’t you worry, Luffy stayed with you the entire night. He stole a bucket from Sanji for you to throw up in, and tried to tell you funny stories to lighten up your mood

- “Okok- ummmmm. Ok so there was this one time where grandpa kicked me down into a hole at night and-“ (Luffy was abused /with love)

- whenever you tried to sleep, he’d pat your head softly to lull you to sleep, and he tried his VERY hardest not to make any noise

- he ends up making noise but- it’s alright, you still love him (I hope)

- “Y/n! Don’t think about green! Like- don’t think about bushes and stuff! Think about uh… Meat! Wait- no. Uhm….“

- You were getting even more sick at the mention of the color green.. And meat? Luffy no.

- “NO I’M SORRY! DON’T THINK ABOUT MEAT! THINK ABOUT UH- THE SKY? THE GOING MERRY! SUNNY?”

- with him naming random stuff extremely loudly, it was able to distract you from all those gross thoughts, good save Luffy

- you made it through the night (traumatized) but alive. You were glad Luffy was there to stay with you, even though he’s not the best doctor in town lmao

- he loves you, and he’d do anything to make you feel alright :)

- he’s very experienced with almost every sickness, and he’s read about almost every kind of medical book he has in his library

- but nothing prepared him for taking care of the person he loved, because books don’t cover that :)

- you already asked Dragon if you could rest for today, and that alone made sabo so worried. You never had to miss a mission.. This must’ve been really bad

- as soon as the ship docked, sabo sprinted, and I mean SPED towards the headquarters

- my man literally knocked poor koala over on the way 😭

- when he burst through the door like a mad man, he grimaced when he saw how bad you looked

- you were still sitting by the toilet, your face turning green in close intervals

- “Oh hey sabo- how was the m-“ *throws up*

- “Y/N?! ARE YOU OK?!”

- He’s about to faint, but he managed to drag the doctor out from his office, and haul ass back to you for him to check you out

- sabo never knew he could be so tense and anxious, he found out today that he suffered from major anxiety whenever something bad happened to you 😭

- The doctor explained that it was simply a really bad stomach flu, and it would go away by either tomorrow or the next few days

- sabo was glad it wasn’t anything serious! But still, he was worried about you, I mean… You weren’t looking great-

- He tried his best, but whenever you threw up, he felt sick as well- so he comforted you while closing his eyes and covering his ears (he’s trying)

- at one point he had to run off because he threw up too 💀 probably from both feeling horrible because you were going through this. And also, he’s scared of vomit unfortunately

- just because he’s scared doesn’t mean he’s not going to stay with you 24/7! He’s sitting with you, giving you whatever you ask and need

- he tries to talk about anything except vomit and the color green lmao- but he somehow finds a way to get back to it??

- “Yeah on the mission today- we were freeing some of our comrades and one of them- his name’s Steve. He was wearing this AWFUL green shirt and I swear-!” *throws up*

- “I’M SORRY- FORGET EVERYTHING I JUST SAID PLEASE.”

- this poor man is dying, but trying 👍

- like Luffy, this guy has never been sick. EVER

- but he’s an expert at sensing whether or not you’re feeling ok- it’s kinda creepy

- it’s like he knows if a sneeze is coming, and he says bless you early 0-0

- this time, he didn’t catch it since he was off the ship, kicking marine ass on an island

- when he got back, you were- let’s just say.. You’ve been better.

- Whitebeard was worried, and Marco took a look at you right away. No one was as worried as Ace though, this poor guy was on fire, quite literally

- he kept accidentally setting things on fire around him from how worried he was!

- “Ace, don’t panic. Stay calm.” -Whitebeard

- “I AM CALM.”

- no he is not calm at all

- Marco told you that this would just have to pass normally, and he could only give you some anti-nausea meds

- when ace could finally go into your room, he was asking every single question known to man

- “Baby are you ok? You need water? Hugs? Food? A bucket? Meds? Blanket? Marco to turn into a fluffy bird and for you to hold him in your hand?”

- “…what?”

- let’s just say if you need something, he’s on it

- whenever you throw up, he’s like- cheering you on?

- “Great job! Get all that nasty stuff out! You got this!”

- I mean. It helped I guess 💀

- he’ll give you cuddles, hugs, anything to help you fall asleep and get through the night

- you finally fell asleep on him after a couple hours

- but this poor dude needed to pee so bad at around 3am. But the thought of waking you up, only for you to start throwing up again made him so sad..

- he didn’t want you to have to go through it again if you didn’t have to!

- so he sucked it up, and held it until you woke up at 7

- “Oh hey ace.. I feel a lot better now, thanks for staying.”

- “Oh my gosh that’s great! But give me like- 10 seconds I have to pee so fucking bad-!”

- my man SPED to the bathroom, leaving a literal trail of fire 💀💀💀

- he was in there for a while 😭

a/n - ace is so sweet 🥹

[katz-chow]

Coming from puff puffs blog 🤧🤥 hope you don't mind 😝🙈🙉 ur also totally gaining a new follower..

WHAT ARE YOUR HEADCANONS ON SOAP? 🥰🥰🥰 unless you've already done this before then I am so sorry 😓

relationship with soap headcanons

warnings: sfw, fluff, some angst, relationship arguments, family trauma mentioned, religious trauma, homophobia, bad dad

a/n: my fav cod man is soap so this took my top priority!!! i think about this man a lot, 09 and reboot version. reboot is my fav though, realistically, he's who i would actually get with. here’s all the things i’ve thought about him, there’s probably more tbh… OK OK HERE :))

childhood hcs

johnny soap mactavish comes from a large family of 5 siblings, he's the second oldest. it's elsie, him, blair, callum, and olivia.

growing up in a family of mainly girls got him on that respect women juice. he would always have to make sure his younger siblings are ok and aren't you know, being bullied. his parents were adamant on 2 year age gaps between them all.

his cousin, jack, was an sas operator and that was what made him want to join. they had to call security forces to arrest him out at some point because he kept sneaking in to watch them do stuff lol

elsie left for uni with her bf to live in soho when johnny was 16, the same year he would talk to recruiters around his hometown, driving hours and then getting rejected the same day due to his age

9th grade (year 10) chemistry got him obsessed with stem and its *explosive* results. he aced chemistry and then took advanced chemistry and physics just because he loved it so much

after this, as soon as he turned 18, he went to sign his papers THEN graduated school (he's just like me fr). his mom was so worried for him, especially when her sister told her about the danger that jack would get himself into. in the end, he promised he'll always call her and his siblings

his dad's an ass, hes an alcoholic, a cheater, a *bitch*... he would always take the kids to church on sundays and twisted the religion into a reason for his behavior. claiming that johnny's mom being at home was just "their culture"

she makes a killer shepherd's pie though

always had had some sort of love-hate relationship with the catholic faith. on one hand, it was nice to know there's always at least someone watching out for him, but after hearing the constant belittlement from his father, claiming he wasn't "manly enough" for not willing to give his life up in the service, he started to resent the “all merciful”.

he ended up blaming god for all his faults, letting him take accountability. this especially happened when he got diagnosed with adhd when he was 17, his dad didn’t believe in mental health. his mom was only a bit better about it, they both refused meds for him.

he's bisexual, leans towards women though. found this out after a truth or dare game in junior year (year 12) and some beers in a closet

at one point, callum acccidently let it slip at dinner when johnny had first moved out that he had met a cute guy and their dad screamed and yelled at the whole family, especially their mom, about "raising a fucking whore of a son, dragging the family down to shite"

blair called and told johnny a few days later and johnny rushed his work as quickly as possible and begged his chain of command for a few days off to go back home to his family

his family gets loud…like really loud. there’s 7 people what do you expect?

it gets especially bad when it’s sunday morning and you gotta get 7 people awake and looking their church best for an hour and a half 😔

johnny is the quickest everything there is, which has its downsides too. he could run and swim the fastest in the family, but he was also the quickest eater…meaning he’s on dish washing duty. he’s quick at that too so by the time everyone’s finished, he’s washed all the other dishes that took to make dinner

broke his arm chasing a cat through someone’s yard (he was 14)

had a goat scream and kicked him because he wanted to give it a hug

he got a part time job at a local bakery in 10th grade (year 11). the pay wasn’t much but neither was the work really. olivia, who was 9 at the time, made him promise that he’ll get her a doll to have tea with. her tea set had 4 cups but only one of her, so she must get another one to join her! he kept his promise; he ended up getting three dolls for her

he can make amazing soda bread and brioche loafs now too, still keeps a starter from the owner of the bakery to this day

he had a mountain bicycle that he would take everywhere. had room behind his seat for packages and his backpack, which he would tie down. that thing had such a loud bell too, would ring constantly to “let people know hes coming and get ready”

was terrified of selkies for some reason, always had the window closed and made callum sleep by it while he slept by the door

wasn’t much of a troublemaker, but would get into trouble with his adventurous heart.

got lost in the woods once and after a while of fake courage, he sat down and cried until elsie found him. he was 20 yards (13 meters) away from the clearing 😭😭

laugh at that guys, mf was 15

personality & relationship hcs

johnny is such a fun lover. he’s handsome yeah, but what makes ppl flaunt over him is his humor. he’s what jessica rabbit said “he makes me laugh”

such a charismatic and charming person, gets it from his dad. he could talk about just about anything, also the type to strike up a conversation with a stranger at the grocery store. then end up with their number and a date or helping them dog sit

this isn’t always a good thing though, one time before he was medicated, he would talk on and on, his story becoming incoherent due to the amount of self-interruptions he made, that a group of guys got so annoyed at that pub, they punched him.

he was young, 19, and couldn’t fight, so he didn’t win and came back to the barracks with a nasty black eye

he likes to be the big spoon, has to hold something in order to sleep

feel like he’s the type to wrap his arms around a pillow and lay on his stomach to sleep

speaking of sleeping, he HATES sleeping with socks on. he tried it one day and he just shivered at the feel of it, woke up and his socks were missing (he found them under the bed)

i also feel like he sleeps like a log, unmoving once he finds his comfort, i also think it's because he had to sleep in the same bed as his siblings at one point and he didn't want to wake them by moving, so he got accustomed to being a still sleeper

one time he accidentally got into a fight at a bar when a guy kept being misogynistic and was arrested and kept in jail for the whole night until one of his civilian friends bailed him out

johnny's the type to race you in the rain to the car. again, he's quick so he's always ahead of you but then he slips from the rain and ends up all wet and muddy and in the car.

his favorite thing to do is hear you laugh. he'll do anything to hear you laugh.

whenever you're sad, he'll purposely stub his toe or trip down the stairs or make you kiss his "owie" (a papercut) to get you to cheer up. like yeah it hurts like a fucking bitch but seeing you sad hurts more than a silly tumble

number one date event is city exploring and hopping. like cafe hopping, pub hopping, museum hopping, restaurant hopping, anything that makes you get up and get going with time to sit and chill at the same time.

feels like he can eat a lot, he's the type to eat your food if you end up not liking it or being too full

when he gets home from missions and the initial excitement of seeing you dies down, he also dies down and nap for hours until it's the middle of the night and he gets up to eat something.

he loves naps. feels like he needs a nap time every day if it was possible

he's a very kind lover, he's easy going so its not hard that sometimes people take advantage of this and push his buttons until he can't take it anymore

causes a huge blowup because he can have a nasty temper whenever he bottles stuff up and pushes things aside

not a physical manifestation of anger, but definitely a verbal anger, will say things he doesn't really mean just to say it and realize right after the words leave his lips that he fucked up

but he'll stake out in front of the guest bedroom in which you've locked yourself in until you come out and he gets the chance to forgive you

the type to stand in the rain and hold a sign saying sorry right outside your window, a very cheesy romcom style (gaz made him watch them)

he loves you more than anything and loves you even more than you can keep up with him and laugh at his jokes, no matter how awful they are

he wants 4 kids by the way

[sleekervae]

New York Romantic .9

Masterlist

a/n: Thanks for your patience, everyone! This was inspired by the very real and scary experience of having my own appendix out just a few weeks ago, and I'm happy to report that I'm doing great and my stitches are healing very well! Happy reading!!

pairing: Tom Blyth x ballerina!oc

summary: noelle goes to the hospital

warnings: mentions of surgery, hospitals

word count: 3,948

taglist: @watercolorskyy @carolanns-world @alana4610

"Hello Tom,

I hope this letter finds you well. We are thrilled to inform you that after reviewing your demo tape, we would like to offer you a screen-test for our upcoming movie, "Scott and Sid"..."

Tom could barely believe what he was reading. He had nearly forgotten about the demo tape he'd sent to the open casting months ago, a long shot to get hired for a movie that would be filming over his summer home.

Home.

He would be back in England in just over a month. Classes had been pushing for weeks, final assignments, performances, term reviews. Not to mention Tom had another play coming up. He would be home before he knew it, back in his own house, back with his mum and sister, his old mates, everything that he knew and loved.

And yet, he wanted the days, the minutes even to drag on. He couldn't find it in him to leave New York just yet.

He knew it was silly, he'd lay in his bed at night and scold himself for being so lackadaisical. He couldn't help it though. Right across the hall from him was the object of his affection; just within his grasp and yet so out of reach. His classes had helped him so much with his confidence, Tom truly felt if they hadn't been interrupted that he truly could have kissed Noelle. He was still kicking himself for having wasted the time, but then that's what he always did.

Tom moved to New York to prove something to himself. He had great desires to become an actor, to tell the stories that needed to be told, to change perspectives, and of course, to hopefully make his father proud.

A sudden, urgent knocking erupted from his door, "Tom! Open up!" he heard Sunny's panicked voice through the wood.

Without even closing his laptop, Tom rushed over and swung open the door, "What's wrong, mate?"

Sunny stood there, eyes wide and heels bouncing as he explained breathlessly, "Noelle needs to go to the hospital. The ambulance just pulled up,"

Tom's heart leaped into his throat at Sunny's words. Without a second thought, he grabbed his keys and rushed out the door, following Sunny down the stairs to where the ambulance was parked outside. Noelle was already being loaded onto a stretcher, her face pale and eyes closed.

A group of concerned faces were gathered in the lobby, their eyes glued to the commotion outside. Bianca stood among them, her usually aloof demeanour now filled with worry. As soon as Tom spotted her, he hurried over.

"Bianca! What's going on?" he asked, his voice laced with panic.

Bianca grimly shrugged, "She woke up in pain and she got really sick. They think it's her appendix," she looked off, shaking her head, "I gotta -- I gotta call Stanis. Our final performance is in two weeks. Fuck..."

Tom watched helplessly as the paramedics closed up the ambulance doors, the siren already wailing before they took off into the busy street. 

Noelle couldn't pinpoint when exactly it started, all she knew was she woke up with the most intense stomach ache of her life, promptly followed by a bad case of nausea. She barely made it to the bathroom before she hurled out what little she had in her stomach, and even after the pain was brutal. Bianca woke up after hearing her wretching and despite Noelle's assurances she just needed to rest, Bianca immediately called the paramedics.

So now she was here, snuggled up under a thin hospital blanket with blaring ceiling lights. Her pyjamas had been traded out for a blue gown, pain meds were shoved into her hands, blood and urine samples were taken from her, and now all she had to do was wait... and wait... and wait...

Bianca and Iseul had cabbed down right after, with Iseul never leaving her side while Bianca phoned Noelle's family. Noelle usually didn't like to be fussed over, but she was grateful for her friends help nevertheless.

"Do you want some more water?" Iseul asked, her usual pristine face was marred with under eye circles.

"I'm okay," Noelle nodded, smiling gratefully.

"Are you still feeling sick?" Iseul asked again, nodding to the wall behind their heads, "They got these little blue sick bags if you need one,"

"I'm fine, Iseul," Noelle assured her, "Honestly, I could go home right now. Those pain meds are frigging magical,"

Bianca scoffed back at that, "No chance, I'm afraid. I heard the docs say they wanna' send you for an ultrasound," she said.

Iseul raised a brow, "But she's not pregnant... right?" she glanced at Noelle. Noelle shook her head.

"No, I am not pregnant," she confirmed, "They just want to see what's going on in there, I guess,"

"Exactly," Bianca took a seat next to Iseul, her stare endearing, "You're gonna' be just fine. Appendicitis is a really common procedure these days,"

"And hey! You might have a cool scar to show off after!" Iseul piped in, trying to come off optimistic.

"Maybe," Noelle shook her head, "... We got our final showcase in two weeks. If they have to operate --"

"We'll figure something out," Iseul assured her, "Stanis is gonna' be here after his morning class, we'll talk about it then,"

"What's more important right now is your health," Bianca nodded.

As the curtain was pulled back, the girls' attention was drawn to Tom and Sunny peering in.

"Can we come in?" Tom asked with a playful smile.

Bianca raised an eyebrow, but Iseul eagerly answered, "Of course!"

To say Noelle was happy to see them was an understatement, she was relieved. She was also curious about the small bouquet of flowers Tom had in his hand.

"What are you guys doing here? Shouldn't you be in class?" she asked.

Tom waved away her concern, "Nah, it's just rehearsal today. We can make it up later,"

Bianca couldn't help but ask, "How did you manage to get past the front desk?"

Sunny proudly replied, "Tom pretended to be Noelle's brother, he's got quite the impressive American accent," and he slapped Tom on the back, jolting the young lad forward.

"Yeah, well... I tried to be as charming and concerned as I could -- not to say I'm not concerned, we were all very concerned for you, Noelle," he explained, flustered.

"I appreciate that, Tom," she simpered back.

"We would've been here earlier, but Tom wanted to make a pit stop," Sunny added, nudging him with his elbow.

Tom smiled sheepishly and held up the bouquet, a small but colourful collection of pink daisies and white tulips wrapped in brown paper and a big pink ribbon, "It didn't seem right to come here without a get-well-soon gift," he glanced at the flowers, "Though I now realize I should've bought a vase as well,"

A small, happy smile spread across Noelle's face as she felt a warmth emanating from her chest, "It's okay, I love them. Thank you,"

To say it broke Tom's heart to see her like this was an understatement. Seeing her hooked up to an IV and surrounded by flimsy white curtains had him anxious to see her out of here. But as she flashed him a smile, he felt grateful that she was okay. She was glowing with happiness, as if this were just another day spent together, not one in a hospital ward. That being said, he couldn't quell the gnawing fear he had for her prognosis.

"So, what did the doctors say?" Sunny asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"They're gonna send me for some more tests, but they're pretty confident it's my appendix," Noelle replied.

"I don't understand why they need to test her more if they already know what the problem is," Iseul shrugged.

"Because they wanna' make sure there's nothing else causing her pain after she leaves," Bianca replied shortly, "How stupid are they gonna' look if they take out her appendix and not the tumour growing on her ovaries?"

The boys were taken aback, "Wait -- you've got a tumour?" Tom asked.

"No," Noelle shook her head, "Bianca's just saying -- they wanna' be sure they know what's wrong before they go and cut into me," she explained, her voice trailing grimly.

"So... so you're gonna' need a surgery," Tom noted. Noelle nodded solemnly.

"What about your dance show?" Sunny asked, "You'll be fine in a couple weeks, right?"

"We don't know, yet," Bianca shrugged, "We're gonna' decide when Stanis gets here,"

"The show's gonna' go on, with or without me," Noelle said, turning to her fellow dancers, "You have to,"

"But you're our Giselle!" Iseul said, "We need you!"

"It's gonna' be kind of hard to prance around on stage if she starts bleeding through her costume," Bianca huffed.

"Do you have an understudy?" Tom asked Noelle.

Bianca nodded, "Yeah, me," her response was quick and confident. Her tone turned smug and she seemed to be boasting a little. Tom didn't appreciate her attitude, but he kept his thoughts to himself.

"And she's gonna do great," Noelle nodded. She was either none the wiser to Bianca's smugness or didn't care to placate her.

"Yeah, but it won't be the same without you, Noelle," Iseul gushed, either clueless to Bianca's subtle glare or she generally didn't care.

"Oh please, you guys will be great. And I'll still be here to cheer you on from the sidelines," Noelle added, her smile not quite reaching her eyes. Uncertainty weighed heavily on her mind as she tried to remain positive for her friends.

"Have you eaten anything?" Tom asked.

Noelle shook her head, "They won't give me food, right now. In case they operate today,"

"I don't understand why they can't let you eat anything," Sunny chimed in.

"So she won't vomit during the surgery," Iseul replied.

"But if you're asleep, how is your body going to know it's going to be sick?" he asked.

"Don't think too hard about it," Bianca told him, "You'll hurt yourself,"

"I keep telling these two to go eat," Noelle interjected, pointing to the girls.

"And we're not leaving you alone," Bianca retorted.

"... a turkey sandwich sounds pretty good right now, though," Iseul muttered.

"And how fair is it that we get to eat and she doesn't?" Bianca replied.

Tom piped in, "Well... if you guys want to get something to eat, we can stay here," he said.

Bianca shook her head, "Mmm, I don't know,"

Noelle gave her a pointed look, "Oh, c'mon. You guys need to eat,"

"But what about you?" Bianca protested.

"I have my IV!" Noelle held up her arm connected to the fluids bag.

Iseul stood up from her chair, "Okay deal. We'll go get something to eat, and the boys can keep an eye on you," she declared, pointing to them.

Sunny glanced at Tom, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he chimed in, "Mind if I come too?"

Iseul cut off Bianca before she could respond, "Of course not! Tom, can we get you anything while we're out?"

Tom waved them off with a kind smile, "No thanks, I'm good for now,"

Bianca relented, standing up with Iseul and grabbing her jacket, "You call us if the doctors come back, or if anything happens -- just call us," she told Tom, pointing at his chest.

"Oh, please. I'm not dying," Noelle protested.

Tom nodded nevertheless, "I'll take good care of her," he promised.

The three of them filed out of the ward, leaving Tom to take a seat on one of the chairs, gingerly placing the colourful bouquet beside him. Noelle's face lit up with a warm smile as she gazed at him, her eyes sparkling with genuine affection.

"I'm really glad to see you," she said.

"I'm really glad to see you," he grinned back, "I can't imagine how scared you must've been,"

"I mean -- I've had better Tuesdays," she chuckled gingerly, "I hope Bianca didn't panic you too much,"

"Nah, the ambulance accomplished that quite well," he replied, "You look better, though!"

"I feel better!" she nodded, "Crazy what Tylenol and antibiotics can do in two hours,"

"Did you call your family?"

"Bianca did. Maurice is probably scouring the internet for standby tickets," she shook her head, "Are you sure you're okay being here? The last few weeks of school are critical! And you’re still only a first year—"

“Hey,” he interrupted, placing his hand over hers and giving it a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay. I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything else. You are my priority,”

Noelle’s heart did a complicated dance in her chest. The logical part of her brain screamed guilt, he had so much to do, he didn't need to be here worrying about her. Yet, the warmth of his hand over hers, the sincerity in his eyes, made her pulse quicken in a way she couldn’t ignore. Tom’s presence was a balm to her anxious mind, a constant that steadied her when everything else felt like it was spinning out of control.

Tom’s gentle squeeze brought her back to the present. “Thank you,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. The gratitude was genuine, but so was the turmoil. She hoped he couldn’t see the confusion in her eyes, the war between wanting to tell him to go back and rehearse and the undeniable comfort his presence provided. She managed a small smile, the weight of her feelings pressing down but also lifting her up in a strange, dizzying way.

"I've got some great news," he said softly, a renewed excitement filling his gaze.

"Tell me!" Noelle grinned.

"I got a screen-test for a movie!"

"Shut up!..."

Noelle was taken for emergency surgery that evening, having to stay a night at the hospital after. Her stomach now had a different type of throbbing ache within it, along with three large gauze pads taped across her stomach, and her throat was sore from the anaesthesia and intubation. But at least she could finally eat.

The world had to continue on, nevertheless. Sunny had an upcoming solo exhibition, and he was practicing night and day practically. He tried to keep it down for Tom, who was equally rehearsing and practicing his lines with Jordan for their upcoming play.

And of course, Noelle's incisions wouldn't heal in time for her final showcase, so sure enough Stanis gave the part of Bianca. Bianca was ecstatic of course, she was gone most days rehearsing. And while Noelle was happy for her friend, she wished Bianca wouldn't boast and brag so much about getting the part.

Tom made sure to carve out time for Noelle, even if it meant spending hours on the couch watching movies. He would sit beside her, his presence a gentle reassurance that she wasn’t alone. Noelle’s guilt piled up like the blankets she huddled under. She didn’t want to be a distraction from the mountain of work she knew he had, but the comfort he provided was undeniable, sweet and soothing in a way she hadn’t expected.

When she voiced her concerns, her worries tumbling out about how he should be focusing on his studies, Tom would simply smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

“Don’t worry,” he’d say, meaning it every time. He could see the guilt in her eyes, the way she fretted about his workload, but her well-being was what mattered most to him. His words were like a warm blanket themselves, wrapping around her and easing her guilt.

She’d gaze at him, a mixture of gratitude and something deeper swirling in her chest. Watching him, his focus entirely on her, made her heart flutter. The way he laughed at the movies, the way he instinctively knew when she needed another pillow or a sip of water—it was all so effortlessly thoughtful. Each moment spent with him, every gentle touch and reassuring word, made her feelings for him grow stronger.

Noelle found herself savoring these hours, the quiet, shared moments where the world outside faded away, leaving just the two of them. Tom’s presence was a balm to her healing body and her heart, his dedication making her feel cherished in a way she hadn’t anticipated. Tom felt his heart flutter every time she looked at him with those big, beautiful eyes. Her recovery wasn’t just about her getting better—it was about them growing closer. Each shared smile, each moment of silence, deepened the bond between them.

Since Bianca was cast as Giselle, the performance date was moved up, giving her extra time to practice and become comfortable in the role. However, to Tom's dismay, he noticed the new poster for the show in the hall one afternoon, revealing that the new date conflicted with his own performance night. Even if Noelle wasn't going to be in the show, he still wanted to go with her and support her. And she had equally been so excited to see his play...

"Oh, they're only an hour apart!" Noelle exclaimed, having been shown the flyer by Tom, "I can start at the recital, then I'll come see your play!"

Tom was flicking through take out menus, trying to decide what they should order for dinner, "Yeah, but we're on opposite sides of the campus," he reminded her, "Don't you think it might be a bit much for you?"

Noelle simpered, "Tom, I had my appendix out, I wasn't hit by a bus. I can walk," she assured him, "Besides, you've sacrificed so much time for me, it's the least I can do!"

"Hey, c'mon," he took a seat beside her, "You act like taking care of you is such a big hardship. Besides, if anything I'm getting more studying done here,"

"Oh? How?" she quirked a brow at him.

"Simple. I watch movies with you, I learn more about acting," he smiled back.

She snorted back, "What kind of acting are you gonna' learn from Jason Statham? How to do the blue steel while sky diving?"

"Hey! Practicing cool is an important acting skill," he reminded her.

"Yeah, like you need to practice being cool," she replied.

"I knew you would agree," he smirked back, he then held up the stack of menus, "Sushi or Pizza?"

"Sushi! Obviously!" she gawked back playfully.

"Usual combo?"

"Yes, please. I'll get the money," she started to rise from the couch.

"Uh -- no," Tom put his hand out, "You sit down, I'll get it,"

Noelle scoffed, "Absolutely not! You got it last time!"

"And I don't mind getting it again," after all, she hadn't been back to work since her operation; she wasn't supposed to be lifting anything heavy and a bowling ball was certainly out of the question.

Nevertheless, as much as she appreciated Tom's concern, Noelle was still just a little bit more stubborn, "Okay -- we'll go halvies, then. Deal?"

"Deal,"

Noelle grabbed her wallet from her room and returned to find Tom already on the phone with the restaurant. He was hunched over, phone wedged between his ear and shoulder, as he flicked through the menu options. He looked so natural, so effortlessly at ease, like he belonged there. With her.

But as Noelle settled back into her seat, a wave of realization hit her. Tom would be leaving in a few weeks, gone all summer back to England. He had projects, a life over there, an actual home. The overthinking began. Did he prefer England to New York? Would he go back and decide he didn’t want to return?

The thought twisted in her chest, a knot of anxiety that she couldn’t quite shake.

When Tom got off the phone he noted the look on her face; the spaced-out frown, the mindless chewing on her inner cheeks. "What's wrong?" he asked, "The stitches aren't bothering you, are they?"

"What? No!" Noelle replied quickly, "I was just thinking... I need to get more medical tape," it wasn't a complete lie, all she had was the few dressings the nurses had given her.

"Oh," in his gut he didn't quite believe her, but he also didn't want to push her either, "Well, I can see if Doris has some. Worst case we can go out and get some! Pharmacy's down the block,"

She smiled back at him, damn, why are your eyes so pretty? "We'll go on a little adventure after dinner,"

The sushi arrived within the hour, and despite Tom's concern for her health and stamina, he and Noelle laced up their shoes and headed out for the pharmacy. It was a late spring evening, the weather already turning pleasant, with trees sprouting buds and blossoms scattered across the streets. Tom didn’t say a word when Noelle’s hand slipped into his, nor did Noelle protest much when Tom offered her his coat as the breeze picked up.

On the way back, though, he noticed her starting to lag behind. Her exhaustion was catching up to her, and her stitches were beginning to itch. Noelle didn’t mind the walk, she just had to go a little slower than she would’ve liked. She was pleasantly surprised when Tom offered her a piggyback ride. Despite her insistence that she’d be okay, she knew he could be just as stubborn as she was.

Tom crouched down, presenting his back to Noelle with a silent invitation. She hesitated for a moment, a small smile playing on her lips, before gently climbing onto his back. As her arms wrapped around his neck, she could smell the faint scent of his cologne mixed with the fresh, earthy aroma of the spring evening. His warmth radiated through the thin fabric of his shirt, instantly making her feel more at ease.

Tom stood up slowly, adjusting her weight, his hands steady and strong under her thighs. Noelle nestled her chin on his shoulder, her cheek brushing against the soft, worn fabric of his shirt. She could feel the rhythmic rise and fall of his breathing, a comforting and steady cadence that matched the slow, deliberate pace of their walk. The scent of city life in the air mingled with the subtle notes of Noelle's floral shampoo, creating a blend that was both calming and familiar.

They moved in perfect sync, Tom’s strides even and unhurried to accommodate her. Noelle's hair, tousled by the evening breeze, tickled his neck, and every now and then, she’d shift slightly, causing a gentle tug on his shirt. The intimacy of the moment wrapped around them like a soft blanket, each step punctuated by the muffled sounds of their shoes against the pavement.

Tom’s back was solid and reassuring beneath her, a silent promise of support. Noelle’s heartbeat, slow and steady, drummed against his back, syncing with his own. They didn’t need words; the quiet was filled with the sound of their shared breaths, the distant hum of the city, and the rustling leaves overhead.

As they walked, Tom occasionally glanced back, his eyes catching hers with a tender, reassuring glint. Noelle would respond with a squeeze of her arms, a silent acknowledgment of the unspoken bond between them. The warmth of his body, the gentle sway of his gait, and the closeness they shared in that moment made her feel cherished and protected.

By the time they reached home, Noelle was almost dozing, lulled by the gentle motion and the comfort of being so close to him. Tom carefully lowered her to the ground, their eyes meeting once more in a silent exchange of gratitude and affection. The connection between them felt stronger, their shared moment a sweet memory etched into the fabric of their relationship.

[vikingnerd793]

Personal news: After two appeal rejections with my insurance, third time is a charm! I got approved for IVIG every 3 weeks to help my myasthenia gravis. Unsure how long it's for but I'm hoping at LEAST enough time for cellcept to kick in, as that takes 6 months to a year....so I've been raw dogging my disease with just a symptom med since June and completely no med undiagnosed since March (and really, February because I believe it was on its way to fully generalized as soon as I started my antibiotics and had my surgery.)

IVIG is a short term treatment, hence every 3 weeks needing it. But it is one of the guaranteed things that can work in the ICU for MG (plasmapherisis is next step if that doesn't work, and sometimes people have done a Plex and then IVIG for maintenance after Plex). Cellcept is a long term immunosuppressant. That said, sometimes people need cellcept AND IVIG to get the best results even when cellcept kicks in. I'm hoping I won't need anything once cellcept starts working.

But this is a huge deal to trying to live a closer to normal life with MG. Being able to be social again and swallow better and my neck not being so weak and maybe the gym will feel less difficult (i started going back, let's just say it is not easy) and maybe I won't have ptosis and random double vision and maybe flares will stop being a thing....

I'm just excited I am getting full treatment and my insurance listened to me and the fact I cannot take prednisone due to soooo many contraindicated reasons.

[millerflintstone]

I got home at about 10:40 ish and that was not expected. I was hoping it would be 8:30 pm ish. Herein lies a tale ...

Unfriendly stopped in after he got off of work at 5 to pet Gigabyte and see how she was. She basically greeted him by peeing. I had told her at about 4:50 ish pm that he would be coming soon and she perked up. She's got a lot going on with her legs what with her IV line and the fact that it changed paws. They added a new line for blood draws to a hind leg so she really could not stand herself up all day today. She started trying to move herself to her small litter pan and could not. I asked Unfriendly to pick her up and I slid it under her and she basically just let go of her bladder as soon as she sensed it.

After that, she passed out again. We went to go get some dinner, planning to get back by 7:15 so that the doctor coming on the shift would be finished with the team huddle. We had burgers at a trendy-ish place and then went back to the ER

It started picking up with the after work emergencies a little after we came back in. He headed home. I wanted to stay because I knew I wouldn't be able to rest unless I knew the latest numbers.

A little after he left, a blonde, skinny lady came in yelling, "She's dying! She's barely breathing! She's almost dead! Please help!"

It was neat to see the team just swoop into action, but I couldn't see the dog because most of the med team was assembled on the other side from where Gigabyte was. I heard the lady explaining very loudly that her older, senile, bigger dog just lost it and started flipping out. That dog attacked the smaller dog who had a chunk taken out of her neck and had apparently split her tongue and possibly hurt her head.

I noticed the lady's husband (?) was there also and he was so quiet compared to her. I heard one of the techs or maybe a doctor (there are 2 on each shift) or the office manager try to talk to this woman in soothing tones. It didn't seem to help because I heard her saying something like, "She's all I have left. I'll die if she dies."

The way this lady affected the energy in the room was palpable. I could feel my own anxiety and had to push it away. I noticed Gig struggling again and this time she just used the pee pad she was on. I asked a free tech to help me get her a new pad. As she settled back in, she started falling asleep again. I figured it would be worse if she felt my anxiety while I gave her pets, so I closed her cage and went to the waiting room after I told the tech that helped me that I was just waiting to talk to the doctor when she was free and that I'd be in the lobby.

More doggies had come in for help at that point and one kitty. I realized I needed to turn in my work file. I told the front desk rep I'd be back and did that. Took me about 15 minutes because I ran into an issue. By the time I walked back, the cops were out front.

A lady who had been waiting with her dog when we came in at 7:15 ish am was outside and filled me in. Apparently the blonde lady threatened to kill herself and her husband if the dog died. I'm sure whatever protocol they have in those situations kicked in and the cops were contacted. When the blonde lady saw the cops coming into the ER, she flipped out. Basically a "how dare you?" reaction and then she LUNGED AT A DOCTOR with the cops there and everything.

Then they cleared the triage area of people who were there with their pets and some folks just stayed in the lobby. I didn't go into the lobby because the cops were questioning the lady.

They ended up getting her dog transferred to the ER/ Specialist group that I took Gigabyte to for her neuro and ophthalmology consults. The lady I chatted with who filled me in on what I missed, told me she saw the dog and she looked very rough. I saw the little gurney he was on when they wheeled him out and felt for the pupper. It's bad enough to be injured but I'm sure feeling her human's histrionics did not help. I wouldn't call her a Karen, though. They both reminded me of FL beach trashy folks from the Ft. Lauderdale area. I say that as an unfortunate FL native that grew up Dade and Broward counties.

Anyway!

Gigabyte is continuing to trend better. Her BUN is down to 68 from her high of 128 and creatinine is 5. Her normal is 4. Her highest was too high to read but was about 10 or 11 when the sample was diluted. Her temperature is also getting a bit higher. It was 99 at the last check vs 97 when they took her off me and put her on heat support. 101-102 is normal for kitties. So, we shall see if she gets to go home tomorrow.

[kittytiddycommittee]

update from the guy who was attempting multi-week no cum + no porn to reset his libido and whatnot

I actually had a few runs of 4-5 days early on, with the occasional slip up here and there. Last two weeks of October fell back to my old habits, sadly.

I’m trying again this month, 30 days no porn and mostly no orgasms, if I can get fully hard and finish with medium stimulation and mental fantasy, that’s allowed.

you’d mentioned a mental health component and I definitely think there is one. I am back on Wellbutrin, an antidepressant that’s supposed to be good for sex drive, and a mild anti-anxiety med. not sure how soon that stuff will kick in, but it should help.

overall kinda still mentally bummed out re: sex and dating. I’m pushing 30, really wasted my 20s with depression, and I’ve got a receding/thinning hairline. I’m medium looking in the face, but I’m still 6’3, slim, and blue eyed, I really squandered my handsome years on sitting alone in my room feeling grief-stricken and guilty. I’m very afraid that my libido is just shot from my hormones falling off as I age, but I don’t think it’d happen this soon.

on the bright side: meds seem to have given me enough drive to where I’ve actually been going out to the bars again, although I’ve kinda forgotten how to socialize. I hadn’t realized how much free attention I was getting just from having nice hair when I was 23, makes me want to blow my savings on a transplant lol. But seriously though, it’s been fun to actually get out there, definitely noticed some women looking my way, just have to remember how to strike up a conversation. Baby steps

I’ll check in in a few days to a week, if you’d like

🦦

(Fun fact, I like otters a lot)

Welcome back! I'm sorry that it didn't work out quite like you planned. Libido has so many moving parts (ha) that it's difficult to alleviate any broader issues with just one method. My only advice there is to be moderate with your goals. If they're too much of a reach, it can make you feel much worse if you're unable to meet them. Not a commentary one way or another on the new goals you've mentioned, but something to keep in mind.

I hope the new meds work for you. My own medication journey has been a winding one, so I know how frustrating it can be. As someone on the other side of 30, don't buy into the idea of your 20's being your peak years. They aren't. Provided you're taking care of yourself, I've found that the 30's are an improvement in most aspects. The superficiality of your 20's gives way to maturity and a more solid understanding of oneself and what's important, which is a far better foundation for dating. Everyone is different, but I've also found that libido significantly improves with someone you actually like rather than casual encounters, so yours may just be evolving, not dropping off.

Feel free to send your updates. I like to hear how y'all are doing.

[fluffyllamas-23]

@taylortut sent me this lovely prompt for my new girls and I love it so much omg

“What if one of your characters was out of town doing that while the other is home sick, and they can only video chat until the other one gets home? so she just has to keep worrying about the fact that her wifey sounds worse every time they chat? wouldn't that be so :) sad and bad :)"

Arwen has often thought of her job as mostly perks. She loves what she does, it’s the best job in the world. She worked her ass off when she was younger to get to where she is, and now that she’s there, she’s never been happier.

One of the things her office does that she loves is once a month some of the vets and vet techs will volunteer to go out of town and give out free vaccines. It always rotates and comes out to be her turn once every six months or so.   

Normally she would be all for going, but now she’s regretting volunteering this time. Marcia had been feeling like she was coming down with something for the last few days, but was doing her best to try and kick it before Arwen left. But everything she tried was in vain, because the morning Arwen was set to leave, Marcia had woken up feeling pretty rough. 

It’s all the usual cold symptoms - headache, sore throat, congestion, coughing - and it’s clear that Marcia isn’t feeling great.

“Maybe I shouldn’t leave,” Arwen murmurs. 

She’s propped up on her elbow, looking down at Marcia while she strokes her hair. It’s still early, Marcia had woken up around four, coughing. While Arwen went to find her meds and some cough drops, Marcia texted Oliver, their boss, that she was sick and needed a few days off. He had texted her back 45 minutes later, telling her to feel better and not to worry about work.

“What are you talking about?” Marcia croaks, clearing her throat with a wince. She rolls on her side, facing Arwen and looks up at her. 

“You’re sick.”

Marcia rolls her eyes, waving Arwen off. “Yeah, but you staying here won’t magically heal me. Go give free vaccines, you love that.”

“But I love you more.”

She chuckles lightly, coughing into the blankets. “Baby, you’re only going to be gone for a few days. I promise I don’t even feel that bad. I’ll probably be fine by the time you’re home.”

And that isn’t a total lie - she really doesn’t feel that bad. 

Yet. 

She can tell it’s going to get way worse, but she feels silly asking Arwen to skip out and stay home because she has a cold, even if she really wants to.

“Okay,” Arwen relents. “I really shouldn’t be making this about me, sorry. How are you feeling?”

Marcia shrugs, “not great, but I suspect I’ll live.”

As soon as Arwen leaves, Marcia can feel herself deflate. She really wishes Arwen could stay, but that feels selfish when she’s doing something so important. She can deal with being sick by herself, but she already misses her wife. 

All she wants is for Arwen to climb back into bed with her and hold her while she sleeps. 

*

Arwen waits patiently for Marcia to come back into frame. She had answered the video call on her laptop and croaked at Arwen that her tea was ready and she’d be right back. She drops down in front of the laptop a few minutes later, a blanket around her shoulders.  Her hair is pulled up into a messy bun on top of her head, and Arwen can see the pale, worn out expression on her face. 

It’s the day after Arwen left, and Marcia had woken up feeling 100% worse than she had the previous day. She’d woken up with a 102 degree fever, and coughing so bad that she’s tempted to drag herself to urgent care to see if she can get meds or something. Ultimately, that feels like it’ll take way more energy than she has, so she’s been napping and hoping for the best all day. 

“How are you feeling, honey?” Arwen asks softly.

“Uh…” Marcia croaks, yawning sleepily. “Sorry. I napped all day.”

“Baby, you’re avoiding my question.”

Marcia drops her eyes to stare at her lap. “I just…don’t want you to feel bad.”

“Marcia,” Arwen says softly. “You can tell me.”

Marcia smothers a particularly nasty sounding coughing fit into a sweater paw. “I really don’t feel good…at all.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I wish I was there,” she frowns. “That cough sounds really bad, lovebug…do you need a doctor?”

“Probably,” Marcia croaks. “I’m too dizzy to drive anywhere, though.”

“Shit,” Arwen hisses. “Want me to call someone to drive you?”

A look of horror crosses her face. “That’s so embarrassing, no.”

“Marcia-”

“-No.” 

Arwen purses her lips, “you promise you’ll tell me if you need me to get someone to take you to the doctor?”

Marcia scowls at her. “I can’t make that promise.”

“Marcia,” Arwen groans. “Come on. If you don’t promise me you’ll tell me if you need a doctor, I’m coming home now.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Then stop being so stubborn, oh my god.”

“No,” Marcia snaps. 

They stare at each other for a few moments, silence only punctuated by Marcia coughing and sniffling. 

Arwen shifts, tucking her feet underneath herself as she pulls the comforter over her lap. “Baby I don’t want to fight with you. I’m sorry. I’m just worried and I hate that I’m not there.”

“I miss you a lot,” Marcia says in a tiny voice, tears pricking her eyes. “I’m sorry I’m cranky.”

“You’re sick, sweetpea. Of course you’re going to be cranky.”

“When are you coming home?”

Arwen sighs. “Three days. I’ll be back on Saturday. Think you can hang in until then?”

They facetime every night, and by the time Friday rolls around, Arwen is ready to be home already. Marcia seems worse each time they talk. Currently, she’s in bed, shivering underneath a pile of blankets, coughing almost incessantly. She doesn’t have the energy to hold her phone, so it’s next to her on the bed, facing the ceiling.

“I’m coming home early,” Arwen says. 

“But you have one more day,” Marcia croaks after a pause. 

“I know, but you’re sick, and I want to be home with you.”

She rolls over, vision swimming at the change in position. “Okay.”

“My flight leaves in an hour. I’ll be home before midnight.”

“Okay,” Marcia murmurs, eyelids drooping. She tugs at the blankets and pulls them over her head.   

“Get some sleep, sweetheart. I’ll be there soon.”

*

Arwen creeps into their bedroom at 11:54, technically before midnight, just like she promised. She’s trying to be as quiet as possible, because Marcia is asleep, and -

“Arwen?” A sleepy voice rasps.

Shit. 

“Sorry,” Arwen whispers, walking over to Marcia’s side of the bed. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I was already awake.”

“Shit, I’m sorry, honey,” she winces, kneeling down next to Marcia. Arwen strokes her hair, brushing it off of her face. “Feeling that bad, huh?”

The soft concern in her voice is enough to bring Marcia to tears, and suddenly everything she’s been trying not to think about hits her like a ton of bricks. She hasn’t really been able to sleep, and she hates being alone feeling this awful, and she’s missed Arwen so much it hurts. But now Arwen is here, and Marcia is feeling all sorts of emotions about it.

“Can’t stop coughing,” Marcia whimpers, and as if on cue, starts coughing so harshly that Arwen’s own chest aches in sympathy. “I can’t sleep.”

“Have you taken anything for it?”

She’s quiet, and then, “fuck…no.”

“I’ll go get you some. Want some tea, too?”

Marcia hides her face in the pillow. “Please.”

“You got it, sweetheart,” Arwen says softly, kissing her cheek. She pulls away with a frown and presses her palm to Marcia’s forehead. Her skin is burning beneath Arwen’s touch, and she’s suddenly even more glad she decided to come home early. “God, you’re warm. baby. I’m getting the thermometer, too. We’re going to urgent care in the morning.”

“Okay,” Marcia mumbles. 

“We’ll get you feeling better, honey. I promise.”

And Marcia somehow believes her, even if she can’t imagine ever feeling better. She trusts Arwen, though. 

Arwen always makes everything better, and now that she’s finally home, all is right in the world.

[iguessitsjustme]

Deep Night Ep 5 Thoughts

Oops. Got distracted by Stardew Valley and also the return of my headache. Here’s hoping the meds kick in soon. But also I got the Stray Kids merch I ordered! Now I’m living in my new hoodie. Anyway it’s time for Deep Night 5: Rae Blogs Live. Wait no that one is too easy. Deep Night 5: Jealousy Dive. Yeah that one sounds right:

Who is hiring these unfluencers to talk shit when the police come? That’s a typo but I’m keeping it. Cause there’s no way they’re not in on it

I don’t know what Freya pays Dai but it is not enough. 

I don’t think I talked about the opening vocals when I liveblogged episode 4. So here’s me gushing about how absolutely fucking amazing they are. I do not think this would be an easy song to sing. It sounds easy but that’s because of the sheer talent and skill its being performed with. Like, I’m a passably decent singer. I can carry a tune. I am not the most impressive vocalist in the world but I have had multiple people ask me if I sing professionally or as a hobby somewhere. I would not be able to perform this song without HOURS of practice. Vocals are also an instrument that requires practice and technique and I am just so damn impressed with these vocals. I think the song itself is okay, but the singer does so much. The singer is actively carrying the melody and I cannot. I’ll stop talking about this now but if you want my thoughts on how the opening fits the show, let me know. Cause I do have some thoughts there but I think I should probably actually continue watching now

Freya and unnamed gorgeous woman are so cute. What is her name? I need to know for reasons. 

Unrelated to anything but I am having an excellent hair day and I am annoyed that only I will see it. 

Seiji. You can love both of them. I promise. It’s okay. They’re gonna fall in love with each other too. I don’t know if they actually do in the show but don’t worry about that. Semantics. You’ll all be in love.

Ken can be the one that tucks them both into bed at night. 

I need Khem to apologize to Wela so bad. He very clearly actually feels bad and wants to apologize.

Honestly, I don’t think I could say no to Khem’s face. I mean just look at how cute he is

Awww he apologized. Now make it a good one.

I love them????

Now boys. You’re on the roof. Not even gonna lay down a towel or nothing?

Ooohhhh here comes his mother. Oh she got distracted. Seems Wela knows his mother well. But still. The roof? Boys. 

Khem is very good at apologizing. It’s because he thinks about how his words and actions have hurt the people he loves. And he cares more about not hurting them than he does about being right. And I think he will not make the same mistakes twice. 

Obsessed with this. More please. 

Khem and his mom are so cute. 

I’m sure someone else has talked about Khem giving Wela his watch and how that was so good for both of them. Khem can lay a small inconspicuous claim on Wela and when Wela is working he can use it to show Khem that he’s thinking of him so no need to get jealous. Its beautiful and brilliant. 

My man don’t do drugs in the bathroom. This isn’t the club for that.

Of course the cops showed up. Good for Khem knowing someone hired that man to do drugs. 

Honestly are the cops not bored?

I know what pink milk is. But what is red soda?

Is Ken gonna rat them out? Trying to make Seiji number 1? Got bad news about who Khem is and how his mom already knows. But I still see how that could be an issue. 

I mean, Seiji makes a good point. These issues did start when Khem started. It’s not his fault and it’s obvious who it is but he has no way to know that. 

Ken’s a bitch. I actually don’t like him. There was no reason for him to do that.

Yeah somehow I knew Seiji wouldn’t like that.

Get him Seiji. Get im.

I am so surprised that that woman showed up with the cops. Shocked I tell ya. Picking my jaw up off the floor. 

Time to watch episode 6 I guess. I don’t really care about this plotline but I’ll watch it anyway. But only after this commercial break (I caved and subscribed to dropout so i can watch game changer so that is what i will be doing for a minute between these episodes)

[novelcain]

Hey Skittles! Sorry if this is gonna bother you, Just checking in that you're doing OK, if not I hope it gets better soon!

Hope you've got a good support system if something is happening

- 🐟

*GASPS* I'M ALIIIIIIVE!!!! I'M ALI-ACK! *GETS PULLED BACK UNDER BY THE WAVES* I hAtE tHe FuCkIn OcEeEeEaAaAnN!!!!

This last week really kicked me in the balls and if any of you believe in a god you betta pray for that bitch's safety cause I'm squarin up and throat punching that hoe cause this was just down right ridiculous! Straight up WACK my guys!

So basically maybe like a week ago I'm not 100% sure tbh this has all been kind of a blur I kinda had a small🤏 mental breakdown over some life stuff BUT I'M OKAY NOW and roughly 5ish days ago I took some new meds that I hoped would help but instead I had a VERY bad reaction to and so I waited for that to leave my system after a couples days and then tried ANOTHER new medicine ik ik not Skittle's brightest moment BUT in my defense I have only felt clear headed for like the paaaaast... 3? hours? now and that might as well have put me into an induced COMA! Like I kid you not I was sleeping for over 12 hours at night and taking 3 to 5 hour naps during the day it was fucking insane! And I couldn't focus on anything for longer than 5 minutes! (Tho that honestly that last one could have been caused by the breakdown. after having those I tend to have short term memory loss and the attention span of a brain dead goldfish lol) WELL! Moral of the story is, Skittle, who has been unmedicated for the last 3 years, should remain unmedicated for a little while longer cause I am NOT doing that again for a while!

So anyways!😊 Least to say, I haven't been able to be online much, and sorry if I worried any of you because of that!🙏 Thank you to everyone that reached out to check on me, you guys are really sweet, and I really appreciate it! And don't worry! I'm really doing much better now thanks to the help of my lovely fiancé, Ritz~. Love ya, babe! Mwah~ 💜

Now! Without further ado~! I will be trying to catch up on anything that I might have missed or forgotten about during the past few days~ plz bear with me I am quite behind heh

[bitchy-peachy]

Update:

One of my tenants is a nurse and she's gonna help teach me how to put special shots on my stomach (my doctor prescribed shots to deal with my chemo better).

My pharmacy delivered the shots home personally and now they're in the fridge waiting for tomorrow.

I have chemo on Monday so yay I guess.

Sorry I haven't talked to anybody but I'm trying to learn how to calm myself down cos my drug induced depression really made me asocial af.

Thanks to my studies I know what's my real emotions and what are drug induced ones. I would never recommend self-diagnosis but considering the knowledge I have... yeah, I went down that route and gave my self-diagnosis to a psychiatrist as well as a med list i believed would help me and she listened to me unlike the male doctor I was given the first time.

So I'm on my way to getting better.

My steroids caused me the most hard-core depression that my teen suicidal tendencies had returned with a vengeance so bad that my head doctor had to take me off steroids earlier than expected.

I'm getting better now but now I'm starting to feel my REAL depression. No suicidal tendencies or anything... just feeling very exhausted and unworthy of the care I'm getting cos people are too damned good to my messy ass and i don't know how to handle kindness so i cry like an idiot.

It'll take awhile for the effects of the steroids to be completely out of my system and my prescribed meds to start finally kicking in so I'll be gloomy for awhile longer. (Weeks or months even. This is why I hate steroids)

I wanna handle this depression first before resuming my regular social activities again cos I feel like I'm unintentionally dragging people down into my misery and I feel even worse for it.

I don't want pretend to be happy. I want genuine happiness. My family knows when I'm faking shit. They don't like it and call me out pretty fast.

I'll need to take my percocet at 10 cos my doctor wasn't around all week and couldn't give me the pain patches that really took my hip pain away like a switch.

Strangely I'm walking better and am managing to cook, but I need my roller walker to move but I'm doing a lot stuff on my own. (Still need some assistance but not as much as before so that's good I guess)

The pain is bad when I wake up, sit on the edge of the bed and stand up. After that if I'm walking or standing for awhile... I'm fine.

Made Luthian and I some Mediterranean sandwiches since I've changed my diet for a "cancer friendly" one and we were by ourselves in the house. Turns out Luthian loves my diet so every time I say I'm preparing something, they ask me to make extra and they gobble it all up. First time I've seen them eat that fast. 🤣 Gotta sneak out of my room to make us more food since relatives don't want me outta my bed. If I had gotten busted I wouldn't been allowed to cook, lol. I like cooking new recipes as soon as I learn them (found a sweet soup dumpling recipe I wanna try. I can't fry them but I can boil for my soups and homemade sauces)

That's a good food for Luthian too. These diets not only fight cancers but also prevents them so my kid being healthier makes me a lot calmer. They tend to be picky with food and now they eat and leave the plate clean... so I guess my kid just needed different foods with different spices.

Unto other things: My arms get tired quickly but it's cos I'm using them a lot. 😔😥 I need the exercise and I know it but damn my shoulders pop so loud whenever I roll them after doing strenuous activities. My whole skeleton is an orchestra.

Then there's the tiredness.

Like "lifting my whole body weight with my noodle arms" kinda tired. (Quite literally. I'm like teke-teke lifting my entire body, useless leg and all, with my arms. If i start walking with my hands only i know Luthian would hate my guts cos they fear teke-teke big time)

Anyways, my pills are giving me hot flashes again and I feel strangely horny by myself in here. I'm hoping it passes quickly cos I know it's another drug induced thing.

Like what's up with that? My doctor told me my estrogen restricting pills could take or lower my libido completely due to early menopause (It stopped my period since last year)...

Another doctor told me I could have a different reaction sexually... like a higher sex drive despite no longer ovulating since every woman takes to hormone treatments differently.

These reactions are so damned weird.

Well that's all for now. Hopefully my chemo on Monday won't fuck me up like the last one that literally gave me a severe gastritis that had me hospitalized for 8 days. (No freaking joke. That's why I lost 40 pounds so fast. 😭)

PS: checked my newest percocet instructions and the doc had actually upped it to twice the dose in less time. Damn, I must have looked like shit... my family said I'm looking better since getting my gastritis taken care off but the doctor really went "you need stronger meds asap!"

Took them properly now. Within 40 or so minutes I'll feel numb af. Might bother people on whatsapp until I pass out. I get chatty af when on pain meds.

[littlemisstoast]

happy toast'nt thursday! ive spent all day putting off my chores so i have to kick it into gear haha laundry calls me and i beg her to stop. i touched grass for a bit and came home and had a salad for lunch!

i played a bit of overwatch. still getting used to the new updates. next week im gonna grab peppy for an experiment involving jq and mercy! if i have to b a healbot, then so b it. i don't see myself turning my back on mercy anytime soon, despite how boring she feels right now.

i was thinking today that it's kinda funny that my cat luna is as clingy as i am lol she's laying on the floor now, but she spent the past hour laying in my lap while i messed w overwatch lmao its funny how ur personality can rub off on ur pets!

later tonight me and @juice7 are watching more tgcf! i think i got him folks >:3c now i can scream all i want AHAHA we started s2 last time and i think they're really starting to like wind master! beefleaf is calling our names >:3c

anyway i hope ur all having a good day! drink some water, take ur meds