#i really liked her but that relationship was making me so anxious and it wasnt really her fault just a kind of emotional incompatibility

[lemonyboy97]

Heyyy I like your writing, and I was wondering if you could do like fluff/comfort of like Val, vox, and/or alastor with a reader who gets really socially anxious and shuts down when they get overwhelmed?

Wasnt sure what gender reader was so i did neutral, thank you so much for the ask! I havent gotten one in forever and i was fresh out of inspo ❤️❤️🫂 love you anon! (Also i threw in different relationship dynamics to spice things up and also because i cant imagine alastor being ANYONES 'boyfriend', that man would go from 'close friend and confidant' to 'fiancé')

Pop in and leave me a request on my new blog!

Fiancé!Vox, Boyfriend!Val, Husband!Alastor (seperate) x gn!anxious!reader

Warnings: brief mentions of sadism, anxious reader (obviously), not quite my definition of a panic attack but close to it

(Im going to do some loose headcannons about each of the boiz, then include a oneshot for each of them)

Fiancé!Vox

Headcannons:

I feel like Vox would be the best out of the 3 in this scenario, as he's the least sadistic. Vox is a very protective lover, he's also compassionate and doting (behind closed doors). If Vox notices you (its really a matter of when not if because this man WILL notice) becoming overwhelmed or overstimulated he is gently guiding you away from the crowd to check on you, 'Are you okay?', 'do you want to leave?', 'is there something specific bothering you?' are FAQs (frequently asked questions) His way of dealing with the issue is removing you from the situation altogether- taking you back home, wether thats to your shared apartment or the Vee's headquarters depends on whichevers closest.

Scenario:

You and your fiance, Vox, are at a release event for the newest VoxTech drop. Vox is proudly harping about the newest Tech he’s developed, an even prouder arm around your waist; how could he not be proud with his pretty little love on his arm? (He calls you his ‘pretty little thing’, ‘little love’ no matter your gender or size) He’s so absorbed in his success that at first he doesn't notice the subtle tremble in your hands, or the way you curl into him as if trying to hide, or maybe the way you flinch at the bright camera flashes. But when you let out a barely audible whine Vox immediately turns to you, all ears.

Vox suddenly realizes how overstimulating this all must be; the flashing cameras, the loud and frantic crowd, the music in the background, the shouting, the rowdy demons who are protesting- oh god how could he have been so negligent?

Vox is immediately passing the reins over to Velvette (much to her dismay), and gingerly leading you through the crowd, towards the back door.

“It’s alright, lovely, just through here… There we go…”

His words are gentle, and the hands on your shoulders to guide you are 10x more so. He leads you out the back and to the limo, and once you’re sequestered away inside he just waits- He knows when you’re ready for touch you’ll initiate. He knows that for now, just the knowledge that someone is aware and looking after you is enough to help de-escalate the situation.

“There you go, doll, breathe yeah? In…. Out…. In…. Out… good job, love, doing so well for me”

Boyfriend!Valentino

Headcannons:

Val is definietly more of a 'what do you mean?' Kind of guy, or 'just breathe?', you know? We know from his workers (ahem angeldust ahem) that he isnt the most... understanding with weaknesses and the like. So- while I feel like Val's approach is a bit more 'deal with it by not dealing with it' than Vox's, it is still heartfelt for his wonderful gf/bf/partner. Even if he wont directly address it, Valentino is the type to try and reassure you through touch, wether thats what you need or not, thats what he's got because this man KNOWS he is brash and he doesnt want to make things worse.

Scenario:

You had walked to Valentino's studio to bring him homemade lunch after he was complaining about his imps being 'inconcievably incompetent'. You are now awkwardly standing backstage, out of sight, as he directs a particularily.... raunchy... scene. You are visibly uncomfortable with screams and various sounds of... mixed sensations.. echoing around the set, along with flashing lights and dizzying scents. Altogether they make an array of overstimulating inputs, and after setting down said lunch on a side bench, a pretty note tucked into the lip of the basket, you stumble back outside, trying to catch your breath. Val follows you shortly after, he caught sight of you from across the set.

Valentino carefully sits beside you, pulling you into his side.

"You alright there, babycakes?"

You shakily nod, but Val sees right through you. He sighs and kisses your temple as he absentmindedly rubs your shoulders.

"Thought I warned you 'bout my work hours, baby"

You slowly explain that you just wanted to surprise him with lunch and he smiles, kissing the inside of your wrist.

"Damn, sugar, shoulda started with that, hm? Why don't I pop in and grab it- then we can share it out here while you get your head back on."

Husband!Alastor

Headcanon:

This man. This. MAN. It can go one of two ways depending on where your relationship is with him- but in this you are married so- he would be so attentive- like. You would barely be feeling the 'oh hey, this is a lot' feeling and Al would pick up on it and knight in shining armor you away from it. Alastor just KNOWS. He has like a sixth sense when it comes to you. He is so finitly attuned to every fibre of your being that you cant even hide it from him. He just KNOWS. Like- you're in cannibal town (because be real y'all go on dates there all the time and Rosie adores you) and the children are being rowdy but 'its alright, i can manage-' oh and there's Susan- 'yes susan, we are married- no, no susan you cant see my ring im a bit worried you might try to eat my finger- No, really i insist-' oop and here comes Alastor, scooping you up with a charming grin, Rosie on his heels. 'Come along now darling, our dinner is waiting'

Scenario:

You and Alastor are in the hotels lobby, greeting guests for a party Charlie is throwing to 'encourage the inhabitants', Alastors hand is protectively on the small of your back like always. The arriving demons are a bit rowdy but nothing too bad- the real issue is the howling, rambunctious laughter coming from the bar, poor karoke all but screamed into the low quality microphone (much to Husk's annoyance), flashing strobe lights arouns the room turning the guests pink, green, blue, pink, green, blue, pink, green, blue-

"Dear?"

Careful fingers snap in front of your face- effectively lurching you out of your spiraling thoughts. You swallow thickly and look up at your husband, shaky smile plastered on your lips.

'Yes, Al?'

He frowns as he gaze flits from one eye to the other, then, his mind seemingly made up, he summons his shadow, scoops you up, and shadow travels back to you twos shared room.

"Oh lovely, this certianly wont do"

He dotes on you, rubbing your tense shoulders, kissing the crown of your head, murmuring sweet nothings to your skin as he lays you down in your shared, king bed. And later, once you're half asleep and content in his arms, he lovingly murmurs,

"No more of Charlie's so-called 'parties' for you, my sweet"

A/n: Reblogs are always encouraged and appreciated! And yes i did like my own post. I am very proud of this, i wrote it in one day WHILE (legally) high on loopy pain medicine

[whole-circus]

I was wondering if you'd put your depiction on the creepypastas if the reader was a Tomie Kawakami like entity. I don't know if you have ever read or seen this character by Junji Ito or not so only do this if you're comfy

PS: have good day, hydrate and rest °v°

Creepypastas with Tomie Kawakami like!

➥ with Jeff the Killer, Jane the Killer, Eyeless Jack, "Ticci" Toby, BEN Drowned, X-Virus

Hi! I just LOVE that idea!! I must say I enjoy reading Junji Ito's works (even if Tomie wasnt my fav)! Here you go hun, if you want some other characters feel free to say! >:3 Good day for you too, take care! Also you waited so long im sorry, I had to made small break and now I feel like my "work" is shitty!!!!

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Jeff the Killer

Okay I feel like at first Jeff would pretend that he is not into you..who knows why? His own deep insecurities? Or he just doesnt like the idea of how flirty you are? You know, he usually is the one making first move and toying with others (making them obv uncomfy, he act like definition of "white straight good guy" lol). But no worries, he does find you absolutely cute, thinks you are prettiest person walking on earth (and you are all that actually). Listen, he wont magically turn into huge simp..but! you make him feel things. Congrats, you have high chance to broke Jeff and make him lovely-dovely on his weird way towards you! No matter if you are already in relationship with him or not, he gest pretty possesive and jealous over you! Come on, you cant be all pretty and cute AND have everyone all over you! People who adores you might end up dead before you will be able to kill them. Definitely would try threaten people to stop talking to you..its up to you if you find it cute or scary tho!

Jane the Killer

Jane gives me huge femme fatale vibes so i feel like you would really vibe together (no matter your gender)! And come on!! She understands the need of revenge like no one else!! Jane wants to beat Jeff ass! Adores you so much..not only you are absolutely gorgeous but also pretty smart too! Appearance matter in some way to her, but I think she would actually be into intelect and personality more than how you look like. And the fact that you are such a great manipulator!! You will make her fall in love with you even more. She is such a cutie im telling you! Jane is jealous but she puts that aside all that aside and she just worries about your yeah well technically you cant die, but what damage your brain will damage your brain and stay for long time! She doesnt want you to get hurt, even if you are doing the big scary job here!

Eyeless Jack

Demon partner with demonish partner? Isnt that perfect? Yeah yeah, you are diffrent from eachother but definitely have common ground, arent you? Dunno why but I feel like your charm wouldnt work on him just becasue of what he is. That doesnt mean that he doesnt find your ass cute tho! He just you know..its not really obsessive but more of actual feelings. Even if other pastas fell in love with your character too, then Jack would be a bit diffrent and at first fell for who you are and not what you look like! When it comes to possible of jealousity, he is not that much of envious about people who you flirt with/or they flirt with you! He clearly understands that you do it more for your..entertainment and to cause chaos (and maybe some sort of revenge). Also he is immortal, you are immortal - best couple to ever exist! You will spend eternity with eachother so he doesnt have anything to worry about!

"Ticci" Toby

Damn reader, you will break Toby! He gets so shy and so blushy around you.. Especially if you are flirting with him! Doesnt really like the idea of you and other people being a bit flirty. He gets jealous easly and it leads him to being insecure and doubtful of himself - he knows that he is not perfect, and all your actions make him even more anxious. Toby does care so much about your opinion so he just bottles it all up, not wanting to mess up even more! But I bet you are smart human being and feel that something is wrong. Just reassure him that you love him a lot and he is way diffrent than people you talk to (well, he is in fact atill alive, isnt he) and he is good to go!

BEN Drowned

Ben is Ben, not a simple thought in his head. Yeah kidding, but he just cant help but simp over you so so much! Like he is down on his knees at your service the second he sees you! Dont get me wrong, you are not only what you look like but its the first thing he notices about you! It would be almost too easy to manipulate him, but we dont do that here..(at least I hope so). Anyway, he literally worships you, you are the most good-looking person out here! And he is a ghost, he has seen a lot. About your habit of flirting around and then watchin somebodys downfall? I cant say he is not jealous, but he wont show it. Also finds your actions pretty funny. Who doest like to see someone dying becasue of their stupidy? Yeah, definitely not Ben, loves the chaos you cause.

X-Virus

Cody enjoyes how flirty you are! Okay well, maybe he only enjoys that if you are flirty with him! For real, you get him all giggly and blushy to be honest. Its so easy to tease him and so fun to look at! Propably tries his best to do the same but fails miserably. Your relationship give me a bit of nerd x popular partner vibe lol! You know, he literally spends half of his time in lab or studying for fun + Cody propably stinks. Now here you are, having such a mesmerizing appearance!! (You are fun to be around to, lets not be so vain!) . At the same time he asks many question, its just in his nature to enjoy knowing things. He just cant help but wonder what or who are you..but who wouldnt want to know that?..And please try to get idea of testing you or making small experiments out of his small silly head!! He is weirdo like that! But at the end of a day he is your weirdo!

˚　　✦　　　. ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚. 　　　✦　　˚

[a-random-weeb]

Hiii love ur account! Idk if I can request cause it says it’s closed, so sorry if I’m wrong!

Can I please request a yandere who looks very dominant; tall and buff with muscles. Literally everyone is scared of him because of how frightening he looks. Everyone other than Reader: Yandere is actually scared of reader and is very submissive around them. He actively seeks Reader’s approval and will do anything for her. Kind of like a guard dog? He’s really just a big puppy who craves Readers affection. Thank youuuu

Awww I love this idea!! Let's name him... Austyn, idk it just fits lol. I couldn't think of what age to make him, so I said screw it and put yall in high-school because that's the easiest

Also I know you requested this months ago, and everyone else requested their things months ago, guys I've been so tired recently, I'm so sorry I haven't been able to write what you've been wanting me to. I'm so sorry if you're still waiting on your request, and I'm hoping I'll get more chances to write soon. Thank you for your patience :)

Warnings: Yandere (obv), clingy and obsessive behavior, a little more than just mentions of murder, slight mentions of rape (not to reader or anything i just noticed it was brought up so I figured I'd put it in just incase), reader gets forcefully drugged, kidnapping

This fic is not meant to romanticize unhealthy and toxic relationships, it's hot af in fanfictions but is never ok irl

°•.♡▪︎*~°•.♡▪︎*~°•.♡▪︎*~°•.♡▪︎*~°•.♡▪︎*~°•.♡▪︎*~°•.♡▪︎*~

A huge man towers over you, his shadow engulfing your entire figure, his huge muscles and rough exterior making him appear as if he could kill. He stares down at your petite and fragile body in an intimidating manner as you jolt up in a sitting position. Clutching the desk beneath your upper body, you recognize him almost immediately.

"Where am I?! What do you want?!" You scream dramatically, almost tipping backwards in your chair.

"You fell asleep in class." His eyes narrow. "I had to poke you a bunch so you would wake up. The bell just rang, its lunch time." Your whole face burns a cherry color.

"Um- thanks..." Your eyes wander anywhere but his face. The corners of his mouth ever so slighty elevate as he leans on your desk.

"Would you like to eat lunch together?" He tilts his head slightly in an almost cute way. Your brows furrow in confusion, but nod regardless out of pure fear. He could probably kill you in one hit. No, simply him blowing on you would be enough to knock you 8 miles. You pack your school supplies and walk to your locker, Austyn almost breathing down your back as he watches you grab your stuff.

Entering the cafeteria, you both take a seat in one of the only spots left in the overcrowded area, its a bit shocking when kids start scooting away from you both, even the kids across from you want nothing to do with your new 'friend'. Or thats at least what you hope he wants with you...

Your prayers were answered, but in the worst way possible. It's almost physically painful watching Austyn attempt to make conversation with you. Stuttering over every second word, obviously embarrassed and anxious, fumbling with his hands. It was... cute. You'd never thought he would be like this while talking to him, you've seen him be rude and cold to everyone, maybe he's just shy and comes off as rude? Guess you'll find out. You, having not as many friends as you'd like to have, appreciate the attention from him regardless. But he desperately needed help with this whole social thing, so you give him a hand.

"If you're not busy, maybe you could help me with homework after we finish eating?" You smile, hoping he's not busy before you die of embarrassment. Thankfully, he nods, and the two of you finish your meal in silence.

You were hoping he'd be a little more outgoing and not as awkward in the library, but boy were you wrong. More stuttering, more avoidance of eye contact, more hand fidgeting. He wasnt even helping, just sitting there and watching you, almost too intently. You almost scream of joy when your best and only friend, Abby, joins you.

"Hi!" She beams excitedly, taking a seat next to you, "need help?"

"You're my savior!" You giggle, hugging her. Austyns aura immediately chances from a shy puppy to one that could kill. He glares daggers into Abby as she speaks a bit too friendly to you, gets a little too close to you, helps you instead of him. He knows he needs to up his game, but your stupid friend might ruin his chances.

Abby was your friend since elementary school, you've never been great at giving anyone a smile, but she always brings out your biggest one. She's helped you through so much, you owe her your life!

The rest of lunch Austyn stays silent and in the background, you assume he's shy... God, you hope that he was not hurt. You continued the rest of your classes like normal, overjoyed when the day comes to an end.

You and Abby walk home together, teasing and laughing with eachother. Austyn trails behind you both, not talking too much. Neither of you know where Austyn lives, and forget to ask. They drop you off at your house, and Abby lives just across the street so you guess Austyn walks her home. The long between your houses and the school is 30 minutes. You could take the bus, and you do in the mornings, but the walk is too beautiful to miss, so fun laughing with your best friend through the sunset in the city, too fun running through the long field of grass, racing down the streets, seeing who can reach your house the fastest, rubbing it in your face as you both either collapse on your porch or Abby goes home. Sometimes, you dance outside together, sharing secrets, giggling over whatever crush the other one has... Abbys friends with almost everyone, but the two of you are inseparable. Tonight though, you only talked with Abby, not wanting to make Austyn feel left out, and not wanting to seem awkward infront of your new friend. You run inside, jumping into your bed, thinking Austyn is just a little cute. Maybe a tiny crush? You don't think on it too much, as you pass out.

The next day, Austyn starts hanging out with you and Abby, which neither of you mind. He's a bit less shy and a bit more friendly. He's in your homeroom, science, and math class, so you sat next to him in all of those. You guys talked and exchanged answers from time to time, overall getting along very well. You guys hang out at lunch, and sure, you give a slight bit more attention to Abby, but thats it, and overall, the three of you get along like three peas in a pod. The next four days go similarly, your crush for him grows.

One lunch time the three of you meet up, eat, and head to the library. You weren't sure what was wrong, but Austyn didn't seem to be a huge fan of Abby, only hanging out and attempting to make conversation with you, almost cutting Abby out. You, of course, refuse to let that happen, and keep adding your friend the the conversation. You and Abby exchange a confused look, Austyn normally loves you and Abby.

After school the same day, you run over to Abbys locker, waiting for her to grab her stuff. You wait for 5 minutes... 10 minutes... 20 minutes... she doesn't show up. Thinking it's a bit strange, you still wait, assuming she was held back in class or something, as the teachers often like to praise her work or offer her opportunities for an upcoming math competition or something. She appears, after awhile, running towards you. The two of you begin to walk home together. When you ask her what she was doing, she awkwardly dodges the question. You leave her alone about it.

The next day when you arrive at school, Abby still didn't show up. How strange, you think to yourself. Abby hasn't missed a single day this year, not even when she was sick, you have no clue how she does it. Straight As, no days missed, friends with everyone she talks to, yet she's not here. You couldn't help but feel a pit in your stomach, not wanting to assume the worst. You would've thought she'd at least text you right? The more you thought about it the worse it got. What if she was raped by a creepy teacher?? What if she was kidnapped?! Maybe she got a deadly sickness and has three days to live! There's so many possibilities you weren't sure, what if-

"Hey!" Your new 'friend' from yesterday appears before you, looking like he's accomplished something great.

"Hi...?" You look up at him, calming yourself immediately. You knew you shouldn't overthink this, she probably just missed her bus or something. Austyn obviously picks up on your torn face as he asks,

"Hey, are you ok? You look offput..." he does his signature, puppy-like head tilt. you quickly nod your head, laughing to yourself silently of the stupidity of your overdramatic thoughts. You weren't normally so anxious, this over worried about your friend not being at school immediately, but for some reason, your gut was screaming at you that something bad happened. And then... The overwhelming feeling to run hits you. Looking at Austyns smile fills you with a strange sense of dread. White noise echos in your ears.

"Woah, woah, calm down!" He panics, "Hey what happened? You look like you've seen a ghost!" Hes acting way too friendly today... you shake your head.

"I-I don't know what's wrong with me today? I guess it's just a weird day....?" Austyn rushes to wipe some tears you didn't notice were were falling from your eyes.

"Hey, you don't have to talk about it...." he sighs "I don't know what happened, but stop worrying."

Abby was murdered.

You don't know how you know, last night was such a haze... what happened...? Pictures of her dead body flash in your mind, the killer standing there with a knife and sadistic smile. You swear it was a dream... you remember beginning your walk home, but can't remember anything passed the midway point, not even what you did last night, did you even eat dinner? You didn't wear pajamas last night, you assumed you were just tired when you woke up. But did you really see Abbys murder or is this just the most dramatic you've ever been on a Wensday morning?

You continued your day like normal, the sinking feeling never leaving you. Austyn was acting strange, outgoing and sweet to you. And yet his face was making you want to throw up for some reason... to go as far as to flee the country. Well, maybe not that far, but you certainly didn't want him near you for some reason.

The end of the days comes, and your dumbass told Austyn he could walk you home. It was probably fine, you'd go to sleep tonight and tomorrow everything would be normal, Abby would be at school and Austyn wouldn't be as creepy to you. You're sure of it.

You wait for him near the entrance of the school, and of course, when he comes out, he's almost stumbling over his own feet to run towards you.

"Hey!" He gives a huge innocent smile as he begins walking with you, clutching the arms of his backpack in a shy manner. You smile up at him, not sure if it's a real smile or not. No words are exchanged as you both watch little cracks of the sunset through all the large buildings of the city. It wasn't cold, but it definitely wasn't hot, the perfect night for a first kiss. Stars beginning to appear as you make your way out of downtown, you've only been walking for 15 minutes... almost the midway point... you have a much better view of the now gone sun, there's still a bit of red. There's no one around, it's a gorgeous night, you're walking home with a guy... everything should be perfect, it should be romantic. You recognize this, Deja vu, but different.... memories from what you think to be the dream, or a cruel reality you weren't sure yet start to appear. Abbys lifeless body in the long grass, the moonlight to the killers back, you know who it was, but you can't remember.... all these events took place just upahead and-

It wasn't a dream.

Blood stains lay in the grass and you point to Austyn, not in control of your body or the words that spill from your mouth, or the tears that spill from your mouth, or the puke that's about to spill from your mouth.

"You did this... didn't you...?"

Austyns eyes darken, "and you remember. I knew the sedatives wouldn't work as well as I wanted them to..." he sighs "I did this for you, don't you see?! I killed her for you. I've loved you for so long and you've never even looked at me. So I stalked you, learned about you, you're so cute yknow! You never laughed the same way around me as you did with Abby, ramble to me as you did with her.... So now our problem is gone, and we can be the cutest couple!" He spits delusionally. You back away from him, the moon to his back, the same spot as last night. He grabs your wrist harshly, overpowering you easily.

"You can't run darling, now let's go to my house!" He beams, "I'll even bring you home the head of someone you don't like!" You thrash around, screaming for help, but Austyn just giggles and hugs you to him, holding one hand around your arms and torso and the other over your mouth. "Shhhhh, it'll be ok!" He puts a chloroform filled cloth to your mouth, and everything goes dark.

Maybe I'll write a part 2, maybe I'll do headcannons, maybe I'll leave you guys to imagine the rest, we'll see :3

[bassguitarinablackt-shirt]

hey do u have any hcs for leo, reyna, or rachel?? :)

I DO INDEED!!!! although for my leo and reyna hcs keep in mind im only on son of neptune so im coming from a place of limited knowledge

leo:

that boy is NOT cishet. hes pan as fuck and his gender is whatevers funniest to him in the moment

listens to beyonce and lady gaga religiously

had crushes on both jason and piper

has really fucked up teeth, personal hygiene who?

basically lives off of coca cola

keeps trying to jokingly flirt with percy, annabeth is not happy about this

I JUST KNOW THIS BOY WOULD BE A THEATER KID, not a performer though hed be backstage

really likes painting and drawing but hes not exactly good at it so he doesnt do it often because looking at his art makes him hate himself

almost always listening to music

has really bad seperation anxiety

hyperaware of the fact that he is not and will never be charles beckendorf, gets really insecure when the other hephaestus kids talk about beckendorf around him

reeses pieces are his favorite candy

this last one is kinda weird and specific but i like to think he has a stash of ring pops that he keeps with him at all time to either eat when hes anxious or use to jokingly propose to people he finds cute

(wow im projecting hard for some of these)

reyna: (not alot for her agh im sorry)

aroace. i take no criticism im right about this

i wouldnt exactly say shes not cis but she does have a bit of a weird relationship to gender

had a bad case of comphet (compallo???) and it took her a while to realise she was queer

really protective of nico, has basically decided hes her younger brother and she would both die and kill for him

has ptsd that she refuses to adknowledge

listens to a weird mix of classical and emo music (the emo is nicos influence. shed never admit she likes it though)

RACHEL ELIZABETH DARE MY BELOVED:

AROACE AROACE AROACE-

good friends with thalia

never actually had feelings for percy it was just a good ol case of comphet/compallo

going back to the thalia point, her favorite band is green day, thalia introduced her to them

the pjo character whos most likely to smoke weed i think

vibes with being a cis girl but she does enjoy engaging in gender fuckery on occasion

after she realised she wasnt in love with percy she thought she was a lesbian, she was not, she just found girls aesthetically attractive

in a qpr with percy (let me have this okay)

experiments with her style alot but generally refuses to wear an outfit if it doesnt have atleast five bright colors

dyes her hair alot, never the full head just streaks

[luckybitch1]

since ive been back home i try to get along with my mom but i cant. we just dont get along. when i go out with her i try not to speak or to show any emotion, it just happens naturally. i go out with her to make her happy and to do the right thing i guess knowing that she wont be around forever. i have this perspective that the past is the past i know why we cant have a relationship and i just dont hold it against her anymore because i dont know. i just stopped. i realized one day she is who she is and i really cant control that or that i was born to her and not someone else, somewhere else. it feels surreal sometimes because i tried so hard to run away and erase all of it. to be honest i wanted to erase myself and disappear. i wished i was someone else. i dont know what i wish now.

it will feel so good when i move away again and i hope this time around i truly will find home somewhere else with someone. but for now i dont have a choice. im trying to be responsible and not to hastily act out of fear again. i want to do things responsibly, do things above board and trust my gut even though its going to take longer than if i just got another service job, saved as much as i can, and left to get another service job. you could say im being pragmatic since this way i have options for a while longer and can pursue graduate school again, this time what i actually want to do with what i know now about making a living. again not just out of escapism like last time. my perspective was so different. i wanted to just burn out like a star out of loneliness and despair. now i want a life..

it makes me lonely to be here. ive been so lonely forever, i come from a hostile house full of lonely people, a lonely family, all i ever knew was hate and isolation. its root rot. i miss my little dog and i dont want to lose anything else

when i was going to sleep last night because i wasnt distracting myself on purpose my mind just wandered into my feelings and thats the key i found this month, my loneliness. i see how it weighs me down and makes me sick and crazy. i see how it tortures my father. i see my mothers guilt and denial and i want to turn away

its not supposed to be this serious all the time. the only reason it all feels so awful is because im surrounded by loneliness and have been for far too long. when you find light it touches every corner and the shadows are nothing but depth in the picture

i wish i didnt keep my head bowed. i wish i didnt feel anxious and sad around my mother, i wish i could be above it. but i just dont connect with her and when im around her, i feel so drained and tired, it shows even in my eyes. once it was so simple to just leave and never look back but now i cant ignore the guilt i feel because i pity them both, whether or not they deserve it. my soul is wasting away the longer im here. how do i preserve myself until i can go? and how do i go without feeling death closing in on my life like an unwatched pot boiling over

im trying but its not good enough. im not energetic, im not clever, im not focused. im dragging a burden im too weak to shoulder and all i can think is though i cant face this alone i cant reach out i just dont want to everyone in this whole world is a stranger to me and i dont want to be touched.

its a nice cool day. my dog is in the grass listening to the wind. theres no one in this house but me, him and in another room, my mother

[leejenowrld]

hi bb! this took me awhile because it was released when im in sch, i had to live through the day knowing that bty was updated again. okay fine i admitted i scroll to the bottom to read the authors nptes first because i dont believe its the finale, i rmb how you said this series is meant to continue after their college lives. so frankly speaking, i was more delighted than anxious knowing that we are about to take that step forward. since i started with this info ever since bty chapt 1 dropped, it didnt really came us a surprise to me knowing that jeno and y/n didnt end up together. technically, already hinted at lmb last chapter, the house warming seen.

but still…you got me, you always get me. I am always falling into your traps, ever since the bar exposure scene till chapt 6 cliffhanger. it got me so worried for yn, but im glade it didnt turn our the way i thougught it would be

1. the way coach suh rejected the sex offer. to me, it just shows how truely in love jeno and yn are, i feel like they dont see it in each other, but everyone around them does. they carry it with them, not just in their prescene, but its the end. you dont have to know them to know theyre in love, you can see it if you observe carefully. and the way coach suh was the one who led jeno to the bar? wow…you got me here, it made me questioned how i didnt pick up this earlier on, it was there the entirely time, something lingering between the lines. and the way coach suh mentioned about his dead lover. i think he see her in yn that why for a minute, he wasnt sure of letting go (and he still wacthes their sex tape hehe)

2. the way coach suh and yn planned everything. every little detail got me there. and the way she decided to pass the expose to donghyuck just makes so much sense. she is always thinking about her friends. always there for them. even in times like this, she thinks about them. and how she had to reject jeno to help yangyang? she is truely a person with so much love.

3. yn at the exhibit. i am so proud of her, so proud of how far she came. she didnt take all the credits for herself, she thanked the people around her. she is someone i wish i am.

okay gonna fast forward to the time leap!

knowing that jeno and yn are so deeply in love, its just so saddening to see how the distance broke them. just 4 months in. i am truely happy for how far them came, both shining in their own way.

for me, the most devastating prt is knowing that yn was the one who helped jeno get into nba, but that was the exact thing that broke their relationship. its like, a promise that could never be kept. they are distance apart and nothing is pkay between them. its meant to fall apart. it made me question, have yn thought about this before she sent the documents? because she didnt hesitate for a second when she sent it. her love for jeno is overpowering, beyond limits. and i think what coach suh said reflected here. when you throw two fire flames together, you dont see it getting smaller, they simply swallow each other and continue to burn.

the timelapse to 4 years later. okay i am guessing that he is engaged to nahyun (i truely hope not, perhaps its a new character) but this assumption is based off taeyoung’s interaction with nahyun’s father at the exhibit, i might be wrong, but it could be a marriage ordered by taeyoung. (i hope im wrong, i really dont like the both of them)

i do have some questions though! where will the next chapter pick up from? is it the 4 months mark or the 4 years parts? given that their breakup during the ldr wasnt covered explicitly. and how many chapters are we anticipating before the re finale? i am excited to see how things would go between karina and jaemin. i also wonder about karina and donghyuck, i hope we will be able to unpack some of these in the future chapter. and one of your ask got me, tension between the river court boys. how would it turn out? which one of them fell out? could i get a major, juicy spoiler out of this?

with much love, 🎀

hi angel — i want you to know how much your words genuinely touched me. i read them more than once because it felt like you weren’t just reading the story, you were living inside it alongside me. i could feel how closely you were paying attention, not just to the plot points, but to the pulse of it, the undercurrents, the way every choice and every moment weaves together, and that’s such a rare and beautiful thing. i don’t take it for granted at all. you caught things that are so close to my heart, things that aren’t always spoken out loud in the writing but are there, breathing beneath the surface.

ok so i do wish that u didn't skip to the end to see the authors note but u explained that u remembered it would go post college so !!! i'm happy about that.

you were absolutely right to point out coach suh. he sees more than anyone realises. i love that you saw his depth — it wasn’t about him viewing y/n as a pawn or a tool for jeno, not at all. it was about understanding, on a bone-deep level, what firepower looks like when it’s channelled right. coach suh has known loss, he’s carried grief in his bones, and when he saw y/n, he saw not just her strength but her capacity to carry others, to burn bright enough to light jeno’s way too. your insight about him seeing a reflection of his past love in her... it almost startled me in the best way. that’s exactly it. sometimes you recognise people not because they remind you of others, but because they remind you of parts of yourself you lost.

and you understand y/n in a way that makes me emotional. the way you wrote about her sacrificing herself in quiet ways, the choices she made for her friends, the way she handed the spotlight to hyuck without hesitation, the way she stepped aside for yangyang even in a moment of personal devastation. this is her. this is her core. she is selfless to the point it hurts her. it’s both her strength and her tragedy. and you saw it so clearly, so tenderly. i felt that deeply when you wrote about how she loved jeno beyond limits, even knowing it could destroy her. the way you described their love as fire that only grew larger when they collided — it’s exactly what i wanted to show. they didn’t extinguish each other, they consumed.

your guesses about the engagement and taeyong's quiet moves made me smile because you’re so sharp. you see the strings being pulled, the hidden conversations, the power plays tucked beneath the surface of bigger scenes. and you’re right to suspect them. i won’t say more yet, but you’re asking all the right questions, and you’ll be rewarded for that patience. the next chapters will unpack everything — the timeline, the breakup we haven’t seen, the entanglements of the river court boys, the unresolved tension in every thread we’ve left open. i want you to feel like every question you’re holding is worth it. because it is.

i haven't fully figured it out but i'm planning to write and cover everything important that happened in the four year mark, just trust me guys i will make it so worth it.

your support means the world to me. truly. the way you take your time with the story, how deeply you care for these characters, how you reflect on the pain and the beauty in equal measure — it keeps me going. it reminds me why i write. thank you for being here, for trusting me, for seeing them so fully. and thank you for reminding me that this story is alive not just on the page, but in the hearts of readers like you. i’m so grateful to have you with me for every step of the way. always.

[noxiatoxia]

hi i wrote this like bulletpoints bc im not making this an essay. tldr youre kinda right but kinda wrong and this isnt new but kaorus issues DO get resolved we just dont really see him say "hey!! my issues are resolved :)) ". he lives through the things he was anxious about and survives so we can see it gets resolved. just in a shitty way.

ep 16/karuizawa arc> kaoru tries to help hikaru and himself to have their own individuality by experiencing different types of relationships and increasing their emotional maturity

ep 21> kaoru describes the cindrella metaphor. the dynamics in the club are the carriage. (haruhi/tamaki as daughter/father noted)

>tamaki is the one leading the carriage, aka the dynamics. hes the "leader" in a sense.

>once tamaki realizes he likes haruhi, they wont be platonic like a father/daughter anymore aka->

>the dynamic is gonna change

>hikaru also likes haruhi

>in this situation, hikaru might care a lot about haruhi and might not take this well especially after "replacing kaoru" (i assumed this is how kaoru feels bc hes later relieved when hikarus w haruhi and he still seeks out kaoru to make sure he's ok)

>this complete dynamic change is going to seperate the host club

>but hikaru seeks him out first after haruhi and hikaru are trapped

>he is sure that the dynamic issues and a group break will happen when the dynamic between haruhi and tamaki change and time passes by (whichever comes first) but so long as he's hikarus first choice he's fine with it

>kaoru assumes tamaki creates a family scenario so everything can be platonic as long as possible, but is shocked to see that tamaki wasnt willingly doing this he was just fucking stupid

>this creates a crack in kaorus way of thinking, his ~deep~ theory is just a conspiracy (that he made up due to anxiety but he doesnt realise it yet)

>hani say "kao and kyo are as oblivious as tamaki" implying that they trust the host club to stay together in face of struggle

ep 25

>the host club is facing the struggles kaoru was scared of and in a sudden, unprepared way. tamaki is leaving (might leave and then leaves), kyoya's family suddenly seems disappointed aka he might pull away from the club entirely, in the end theres a lot of changes in the club. they lose hani and mori first in the battle (graduated), then kyoya isnt coming (pulling out for future plans/family pressure), they are running after tamaki as a trio when hikaru gets hurt.

>in the pumpkin patch when doubt is highest and they are thinking about how this is surely the end, we see haruhis flashback to her dad about not hesitating when the time is right. even though she doesnt have the need to continue, she still does because she /wants/ to. AND she succeeds. this would show kaoru that there is no "spell" or some uncontrollable event that would lead to the end of their friendship, and that he can keep it alive just by working on it

>the fact that the show ended the way it did (with tamaharu happening TO keep the dynamics alive + all members working their hardest just to keep it all going) wouldve been enough to curb kaorus worries because it was physical proof that even when the things that he feared happened the group didnt fall apart and even got stronger

>so he lives through his fears becoming true and it gets resolved symbolically. obv i would want there to be a 40 min episode where kaoru goes to theraphy and resolves his issues including the incest kink but the last few episodes were rushed as fuck

Hi! Never disagree with me about the carriage ever again I'm going to fucking kill you. (<- this is a joke i am joking im not mad at u u are my friend)

I've talked about this before -- about what the last episode symbolizes in terms of the carriage allegory. But it was an old post so many people probably haven't seen it.

To showcase why I disagree we need to first realize what the carriage allegory actually stands for.

In short, the carriage is the anime's way of implementing Kaoru's depression arc from the manga. If you're unaware of that, the tl;dr is very similar to episode 21 just without Cinderella metaphors. Scared Hikaru will leave him, scared he'll lose his friends, etc. Except in the manga, Hikaru and Kaoru actually talk about this, culminating in Hikaru dyeing his hair but reassuring Kaoru they'll always be together.

In my mind, the carriage is obviously a stand-in for this. But... It's also trying to serve to be a plot device to set up the end of the show.

My guess is the creators probably thought Ouran would get a 2nd season but it didn't get greenlit, so they had to wrap things up very suddenly, which is why the ending feels as rushed as it does. This is just a theory though.

The carriage, as it is presented in episode 21, clearly is setting up a major plot point: the dissolve of the host club. And since we as an audience are lead to believe Kaoru's word is to be believed, we're also like "oh, shit, is the host club gonna fall apart?"

cuz keep in mind, through this episode and episode 16, the show presents Kaoru in such a way that makes him seem "smart" and "wise" and that his ideas hold some sort of weight to them.

So, to recap, the carriage allegory in the anime is two things: 1, a character-driven arc about Kaoru's fears and 2, a plot device to set up the ending of the show.

This is where the "resolved" thing gets tricky.

The carriage is resolved on a plot-level. By the carriage hikaru, kaoru, and haruhi were one falling into the pumpkin patch, yet still saving tamaki in the end, shows that even though the "spell" ended, they still managed to get their happy ending. The club did not fall apart.

But, keep in mind, Kaoru's side of this equation -- about the fears of growing up, drifting apart, being different from his brother -- are not touched on.

To say it was resolved because of the pumpkin patch thing I think is just...wrong. At best it's incredibly lazy writing.

Tamaki & Kyoya had character-driven arcs, too. Ones that were presented throughout the whole show. And those actually got resolved in the final episodes. Yes, they were still open-ended endings, but they were acknowledged. That's what I'm pissed off about when it comes to the carriage. It doesn't get fucking acknowledged ever again. Not even a little bit. The best we get is symbolism that only, as I said, solves one half of the puzzle at best.

for further reading here's this post and this post.

[in-my-feels-probably]

Hi! It’s no worries I’ve been around this app long enough to know it’s kinda buggy lol. Anyways, I actually remembered just now I wrote out my request in a random google doc before I sent it and never deleted it so I have able to just copy/paste!

Congrats on 1.7k!! May I have a romantic hunger games (it can be either the original films or the newer one) option 2 match up please? I go by she/her and am bi with no preference, so any gender is fine.

I’m about 5’5, dark blue eyes, medium length hair thats kinda too dark to be dirty blonde but not so dark that its light brown with slightly lighter blonde highlights throughout. Ive been told I typically wear what would be considered 90s type of style but leaning away from more feminine things tho I’m not opposed to dresses and all.

I do get pretty anxious when thrown in certain situations rather that be talking to a group of people or just one person. But on occasion and definitely when I get to know someone I never stop talking. I am a ranter and rambler which means I could be ranting about something that happened and then start talking about something else that may or may not be related to the original subject. Basically I will always find something to talk about though I do enjoy listening to other people talk. I am considered the mom friend because I tend to be the most logical. Im also a very determined, stubborn person who usually is kinda pessimistic but still has a huge imagination. And despite all the anxiety I am usually a relatively confident person and am not afraid to take up for anyone I care about. Also I am pretty good in school despite having a kinda bad memory. Also an INTJ, Sagittarius, and Ravenclaw.

I absolutely love writing and have for the longest time rather that be random original stories I make up or the various fanfics I have(lol). I also love drawing and painting and recently realized I’m actually pretty good at making art related to animals and the occasional landscape. I’ve also been a big music fan since I was a kid, I honestly dont know what I would do without it. I also really enjoy reading when I get the chance, like I could spend hours getting consumed by whatever I’m reading. Which also travels into me when I’m watching things. As in I spend a good bit of time just binge watching new or old shows. I also really like walking around and enjoying nature. Theres a few nature trails I love going on and would go to the zoo every weekend if I had the chance. Which also goes along to my love for animals. Also I do like going to random places with my friends.

And thats about all I can think of to say, hope it wasnt too much lol. But anyways, thanks in advance :)

hi!

thanks for participating :)

since you have no gender preference, i’ll tell you who i ship you with out of both the boys and the girls, and then do the full thing for who i think you’re better suited for.

i ship you with katniss and peeta! i’m gonna go with katniss for this, hope that’s ok :)

katniss is absolutely not a people person. small talk makes her uncomfortable, and putting on a mask and playing a part doesn’t come easy to her. there’s a handful of people she’s comfortable talking to, and the rest don’t matter to her. she’d understand your apprehension getting to know people. but she’d feel pretty special when you opened up to her and started feeling comfortable venting and rambling. she may not be one for talking, but she does like listening. and you could listen to you talk for hours about whatever you wanted, happy to listen. you’re very alike as people. your values, your view on life, your temperament and your personality. you both being headstrong and stubborn could get in the way of your relationship sometimes, but you’d always manage to make her go soft around you. you’d be one of the few people that make her happy and help her feel relatively calm and safe, so she wouldn’t want to ruin that with petty arguments and bickering. you’d learn to work past it together quickly so you could get back to the simple things.

katniss doesn’t have much time for hobbies. plus, i don’t think she really allows herself the time to be idle. you’d have to constantly remind her to take a break and relax for a little while. she’d be too impatient for reading or art, but she’d enjoy hearing what you were reading about or working on. it would give her a sense of domesticity that she craved. and later on after the rebellion, she’d slowly start feeling more comfortable joining you with your hobbies and finding some of her own. i don’t think she considers herself to be a very talented person, but she would get a small sense of accomplishment and pride when she found a hobby she both enjoyed and was good at.

—

the place she’d most feel at peace would probably be the forest. walking along the streams, hunting for deer, just breathing in the fresh air. it would be a place she enjoyed going alone, but eventually, she’d start asking you to go with her. she’d show you all the best places she’d come to catch something or just clear her mind for a little while. it would be peaceful and quiet, which she’d love. one day, she’d ask you if you wanted to bring along something to draw with. she’d take you up to a ridge she liked to sit at, letting you sit down and draw the landscape while she hunted for a few minutes. eventually, she’d make her way back to you, sitting down next to you.

“no luck?” you’d ask when you noticed her coming back with a full quiver and no kill.

she’d shrug, setting down her bow. “found a few wild turkeys down by the river. some of the hens were nesting. i didn’t want to bother them yet.”

you’d nod, going back to your drawing. she hadn’t been gone that long, but you’d already made significant progress drawing the ridge and hillside that led down into the valley where the meadow was. you could feel her eyes on you as you worked, and you’d eventually feel her chin rest on your shoulder as you started drawing one of the trees, making you smile. you liked when she was soft like this.

“that’s pretty,” she’d murmur, fascinated by the way you worked. “peeta could’ve used you down at the bakery if he knew you could draw like this.”

“i wouldn’t want to upstage him,” you’d joke, knowing what peeta used to do took a lot of time and skill that only he could make look easy.

she’d chuckle, and you could feel her smile as she looked over your shoulder. “i don’t think he’d mind.”

you’d sit in silence another moment before deciding to take a break, setting your things down. you’d watch the ridge together, peering down through the valley where the spring flowers were just beginning to grow.

“you never told me we had flowers like this in the district.”

“they only grow in the spring,” she’d explain, resting her head against your shoulder. “my father told me the soot from the mines stifles them before they have a chance to grow. but out here in the meadow, they’re untouched. they can grow a few feet tall if they’re not harvested right away. you can use the roots for medicine…i used to bring prim some.”

you could hear the hurt in her voice at the mention of prim’s name. she’d grow quiet again, her eyes locked on the ridge. she was afraid if she looked over at you, she wouldn’t be able to keep it together. you figured it was best not to pry about it—not now, at least. instead, you’d pick up your drawing, handing her a few pencils.

“pick a few colors. i want to draw the flowers in too.”

she’d give you a small smile and nod, immediately reaching for the green pencil. you’d grin, setting the rest of the pencils down as you began working again.

“i should’ve known.”

—

thanks again for participating! i hope you liked this :)

[onmymasa22]

I have no love feelings for her. I dont. I love lucky more than her. I hate the idea of her lying on my bed. Her in my room. Thats my room. My safe place. Where i go back to. Why do i want to burn that room down like there was a prostitute in it. I wasnt asked. I feel disgusted that t was used. But it was only used twice. I dont like those kids. I tolerate them. I love mommy and daddy. I tolerate elie. How do u love someone that you dont love. I think i used to love him. Since he got married theres just no effort in the relationship. I put the same amount of effort he puts in.

Brekkie: pita with eggs

Lunch: pita with tuna and pickles

My friends are really not ur ur friends. And thats ok. My friends r my friends. Ur friends r ur friends. And i like my friends way better. Because trauma made u not legible. All their voices annoy me.

Wear blundstones

Pack birks

Food

Toiletriesbag

Book siddur

Waterbottle

Charger

The halacha is very clear

When there is

We are not actively killing anyone. We are releasing people who have tried to kill us. Should you release your people from captivity while releasing those who have tried to kill your people in the past. Im praying that everyone who we release should get blown up like the phone things.

When work at the crazy house decides u r now gonna be a personal counselor to a lady who annoys everyone else, but just compliments me on my clothes or red nail polish... so now i have a weekly scrabble date with her. We are officially entering our 90 year old lady era where we play scrabble (which i have no idea how to play yet) and talk to our girlfriends about recipes. All i need is the leakproof undies and the cane and I'm ready

Hes what its like:

I havent been on meds for a few days cuz ive woken up too late or just forgot to take em. And you know when u have a playlist going that is just so good u lose track of the songs. U dont rela

Having tickets to america for pesach is such a relief. Cuz since ive grown up, my relation with my parents is so strong

Im such a family person. They drive me crazy, dont get me wrong. With generational trauma, traumas that get passed down,

Im weird. I get anxious on the way to things. So i get there early.

I get to work for a night shift early.

I come to work for a night shift super duper early. Because im a nervo

Wjen u get to work early cuz ur nervous about the shift and ur like- its like flying... once im in the airport, im good. Its the whole getting there with all the bulk that makes me crazy. Ill leave five hours before the flight so that the fourty minute transportation can take two hours and i dont need to freak out about it. I can miss the train, and still be ok. So here i am, at work.

Im not an anticipation person. I have more trouble with the slatted stairs up to a rollercoaster than the ride.

I am more anxious about waiting in line for the roller coaster than riding the roller coaster, the ride to the airport than traveling, the way to work than work. Its all the anticipation before the event itsself. I hate getting ready for things. The getting ready makes me crazy. Im not a get ready kind of person. U want me to do something? Tell me "dalya we're going on an adventure and yes u can do it in pajamas"

I'm just not a get ready person. I hate that part. I hate the anticipation of things. I feel all the anxiety in the getting ready. The way to the airport. The way to a shift where I'll be the only staff member, the line for a rollercoaster. I will get to things hours early just so i dont need to worry about being late on top of it. U know how u get me to do anything?

Say "dalya we're going on an adventure and yes u can wear pajamas"

Do u see any pressure of getting ready there? No. Because it's not there.I cant fix this. I know. Yosef and his brothers didnt get along. They both were right. They both were wrong. But they didnt get along. And his brothers got rid of him. And elie stopped talking to us. And this sibling drama stuff isnt something i can fix in my lifetime. Hashem forgive me. I just dont have it in me. I cant fix the relationship. I dont do one sided relationships. I want people who want me. U want me in ur life? Show me. U dont? Thats fine. I grew up. Im over wishing that the people who are supposed to care will suddenly care. They dont. They wont. I tell them happy birthday. And thats it. Im not gonna be the only one putting in effort. I just cant care. Let the next generation fix it. Hashem i hope my kids all get along.

My day:

Woke up at 6, gave out the quarterly alotment of cigarettes. Dealt the drugs. Sit with the feelings of not being invited to something. Sit with it. Know how it feels and remember how it feels. Because when you celebrate something, you'll remember to invite the people. Remember the uncomfortable feelings so u dont cause them to someone else. It stings a little? Good. It'll help you remember to be inclusive. No one likes to feel on the outside. You don't want the day that's special for you to have negative feelings from someone else if all it took was an invitation. You want your day to just be happy.

You weren't invited? It stings a bit? Good. This will remind you to be a more inclusive person. Thats it. Gd decided you needed to work on inclusivity. U have room to build up a higher sensitivity to the people around you. To say "come join us" or "sit with me". "To be on the

When its ur turn to make lunch at work and u have no time so u make pasta, cook some veggies, and dump a little jar of pesto on it all and hope for the best cuz ur trying to mesh 2 degrees with work somehow. And u feel like u cooked it for too long cuz ur not used to cooking in bulk. So u showed up to work almost crying cuz u were worried its disgusting. But they tell u today that everyone had two bowls and couldnt stop eating it.

U wake up a 6:30 to people nagging u for cigarettes and drugs. Then

When it takes you at least three tries to form a sentence and figure out what you want to say

I feel like theres three kinds of people in tge world. Those who put up art when they

Anyone else feel like it has been forever since theyve layed in bdd last. Like

When u forget to turn youtube off before going to sleep, and you wake up to a video called "porsche 993 model guide: everything you need to know"... youtube, who do u think i am? I mean, i like cars as much as the next chick, but like I'd rather wake up to coldplay. Also, im an art student. I don't aspire to buy a porsche. I aspire to live in a villa by the sea. Get my dreams straight!

My day

Take meds

Daven shacharis

Take a walk

Create art

Daven mincha

Create more art

Daven maariv

Learn

I nervous spill.

When ur new light is a little yellow and ur little adhd heart is happy

I love evening shifts but its weird man. U can wake up at 10am, have an apple and pb, coffee, and sit on Instagram and feel awful about urself like "why r u so unproductive, u freakin loser, get urself going" but then ur like, no im working today in a few hours, im allowed to vedge now.

Btw, dont talk to urself like i talk to myself. I have stuff to work on

U can support people while not wanting them in your life. There are people who i wish all the best, occasionally see, and am genuinely happy for, but speaking to them and being around them is not enjoyable to me. They just leave me thinking ick. Because people go through all kinds of things. Sometimes trauma makes being friends with them impossible. Its just talking to someone who isnt 100%. And i act like i like them. But honestly, i dont. I just want quiet and boring

So today i showed my mancha what i made for her to help me build my final art exhibit. And its settling for me the idea that it's all such a process. That the first painting i make with acrylic is crap. The second is a keeper. The first clay things i made were too copy paste she said. The conch that i sculpted just cuz i had extra clay that i needed to do something with it, otherwise its garbage. I was already in the zone. Cuz the stuff i made was me just messing around. Will i put my jewelry on it? Yes. Will i use it for things in my room? Absolutely. But is it art? No. Its me practicing and warming up to the product.

[wallcwskrc]

TW: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, SH, EDS. Vent post to some degree

a year ago today, i tried to kill myself, i was scared, it had gotten "bad" again. my grandma had passed a few weeks ago. who I was very close to i saw her every wednesday for 7 hours. at the least, id see her saturdays a lot. the thing was, when she died, she was doing something in preparation for another funeral. she died helping the grieving, while grieving, herself, as not only there was that upcoming funeral. the day she died, december 21st was the same day her ex(?)husband, my grandpa, who I never got to meet, died, years ago.

i had also just gotten a partner, i loved him, we got together december 14th, well, it was kinda a love triangle thing, the other girl that was in it is now my best friend, she knows it all. she was the best thing i found from my ex. but my point, he did a lot. im still hurting, one of my friends, who was also his good friend, just suddenly hated me? she directly told me so, she directly, blocked me. he comforted me! my ex did. i was really happy. i guess.

im so sorry for going off track but id like to circle back to where, when and how we got together. it was online only, most likely good thing. most definitely. but to put it as short as i can. he had a girlfriend when i met him, he got broken up with by her. i was friends with her (til she left our friend group entirely due to her own personal reasons) then, not too long after, i told him my feelings, and so did, our friend, ray, ill use her name as I still talk to her a lot. !! so yea. but its not the end because, fuck it, alex, im name dropping him, said that I was trying to act like his ex to make me like him, that hurt me a lot, but, whatever, I love him right? whatever. but he got over it (?) I don't know. Nothing was ever over, everything felt tense. Alexs solution to both me and ray liking him was to just date us both...

we (me and ray) both agreed, I think now we also agree that we were just desperate, I guess. it wouldn't have mattered what proposition.

we were all dating, I was scared, btw! At the time, and this will play a strangely big role, back then, I was very "cute" in style, personality, interests, and stuff. once my grandma died, I told him. his response, was a little lukewarm, I wanted comfort, bad. but I understood ofc, that's a very awkward thing to have to reply to.

Between where we are in the timeline (december 21, 2024) and new years, things went between me being anxious he liked ray more than me (which, at the time anyway, I can confirm was true, but thatll be summarized later) and me just sending him cute little sanrio memes and gifs, I did that a lot. And other things like that. It was okay, but my stomach dropped every time he messaged me "what if he wants to break up?" "He likes her more." "My fault" "fuck" "oh, its okay, but what if he actually hates me?" Is all I thought, ever.

January 2nd, 2024.

so, I had went offline for a bit, I was overwhelmed. it didn't last that long though, after about 30 minutes I got a call, from alex. if you couldnt guess from my anxiety from simple things from earlier, the call scared me at first, what happened? Is everything okay? Oh, okay, they found a new friend! cool, ill meet her! I met her, wait, whys he ignoring me... Im right here... He had me, and ray, and he started paying attention to this girl he just met, I messaged him about how I felt left out, like I was gonna be replaced. He told me I wasnt!!!

SAME EXACT DAY, FEW HOURS LATER.

this is where, if you remember the part where our mutual friend just started hating me? Yea. That happened, I was so confused, and scared, and I went to Alex for comfort, and he comforted me! yay! I mean, he was still friends with her when she talked mad shit about me, but, I thought the positive outweighed the negative.

pretty big timeskip here regarding me and alexs relationship, same constant general me being anxious blah blah blah. But there was a lot of other stuff that happened, around the 10th I think, is when my grandmas funeral was. this whole time, but especially in this little 2 weekish period, I fell again, back into not eating enough, back into self harm. I felt belittled by my parents, everyone else and their emotions mattered more. I always had that philosophy. but it was being reinforced, heavy.

the big day, January 17th, 2024.

the day i tried to make my last.

Im not going to document this as much as you'd assume cause its kinda what this whole thing lead up to. I already feel cringe, plus details, aren't too needed, just make it a bit sadder (?)

i texted him about the many things I listed in the paragraph before, the one regarding my self harm whatever the fuck this is embarrassing to write about lol.

But uh yea, I tried to do it. last thing I messaged him before I did [INSERT MY UNDISCLOSED SUICIDE ATTEMPT METHOD HERE] was "im sorry for falling in love with you" that's really embarrassing, past kat, but I also kinda feel for her, love, or obsession, I think was actually the better word here. is a dangerous thing, it makes you stupid, and desperate, and shit.

His response to me trying to kill myself? (Which I told him beforehand I was going to do.) was just kinda.. Idk. He didn't like me saying the "im sorry for falling in love with you" one of the things he said was "if we keep into this every single day ill end up losing my feelings for you fr" which is just CRAZY. USING "fr" in reply to your girlfriend THE MORNING AFTER SHE TRIED TO KHS BTW. IT WAS LIKE 9AM WHEN HE TEXTED THING LMAO but uh also, I guess I get it, but cmon, that hurt a lot, he was the only thing I liked (even if he was the worst thing for me) his mood dictated mine, if he loved me, I loved myself, I was happy, I felt like I was on thin ice regarding being loved. I don't think anyone should ever feel that way.

Ending paragraph: big reveal moment here, I said wayyy earlier that I know he liked ray better, and the way how is, I saw him say it to his friends in a gc, directly, just, that, he said a lot of stuff in gcs. Like when, there was this gc with me, ray, alex, (the friend who randomly hated me) and a girl named lula, who I haven't mentioned but dear god she was my friend, my TRUE friend through all of this, she still is, I genuinely love her to death and I felt like she was my only true friend, she might've been at the time. and when the friend who randomly hated me ... Ik this is a little late to establish but ill just call her mary, Mary randomly hated me, she didn't like that I had that "cute" personality idrk why I just said "hai" and shit. But yea. Alex comforted me through that right? No, they made a seperate gc without me (not including Lula I don't think, or she stood up for me, ik she did that multiple times.) And just talked shit about me, while he was "comforting" me. Oh and remember that same day, a few hours BEFORE, I had gone offline for a bit but Alex called me cause they made a new friend? Oh yea the new friend was a alt account of his.

Thats just december 14 2023- january 17, 2024. If anyone reads this thing the whole way through, fuck it, this is becoming the next "who the fuck did I marry" series

(its past midnight so no longer the 17th but. Yea. We do get better, its okay, "january kat")

[hffnjue4y]

my mood is unstable these days.

some days i feel like im on cloud 9. everything is perfect. we have hardships ahead, but theyre all manageable and worth it. they feel far away, and unclear. on those days, i cant even grasp what it is about her im so stressed about.

and then, like a switch, it can change. i feel unsure, stressed. it usually happens when we dont talk (she’s asleep right now) things feel hopeless, everything feels pointless. it’s like im exposed to a side of the world i never had to consider before- through her eyes. how much she was hurt, how much shes still hurting. how much she has to deal with. and it hurts me. i wanna live in oblivion again sometimes. i didnt know how much of this world i wasnt seeing before.

i tried talking to other people, they often make things worse- i dont wanna feel like i have to defend this relationship. i want people to be happy for us, not worry about me. and i know typing that makes it all sound incredibly abusive, which it isnt. i dont know what to do anymore.

i love her so much. i think i need to address that attachment we have. this often overwhelms me just how much she occupies my mind, her, our relationship. i think im starting to understand what she told me back then- about how loving fictional characters means theres no expectations back. they cant disappoint you. real people are way harder. and i think i didnt know it so far cause i never let myself truly attach to anyone.

now there are stakes. we’re both emotionally involved, to a point where we can hurt each other a lot. and thats scary.

i worry about her being “unregulated” but then again, am i regulated? my mood swings so dramatically. i overthink. i talk too much about this relationship but no one seem to understand. im confused. im not sure what i want in life anymore. i want to be away from here, i want her close with all my family and friends. i want her, im scared of her (our relationship and attachment). i get really nervous and anxious around fights, aggression, loud noises, and sometimes she triggers it.

i dont want to stress her out anymore. she’s doing good these days, and i think this stress will pass shortly. i dont feel like bringing her down with my uncertainty and doubts all the time- im afraid she might think im gonna leave her. we need to fix our trust, but i think only time will tell here.

talking with mom today freaked me out. she doesnt seem to trust this relationship will last. mom’s view of my girlfriend means the world to me. i wish they could meet. im afraid that when they meet mom wont like her, or worst, shed think she isnt good for me. im afraid shes seeing things that i dont. but she also doesnt have the full picture.

i dont know how much of things right now come from the fact that im unemployed, but at my grandparents place, feeling directionless. i think i might be depressed. and someone i love is so far away, its almost impossible to cross that distance without committing in a way. so of course its scary.

today i woke up from a nap feeling pretty bad. i missed her texts and the part of me that still hangs to her desperately wants to spend every moment together.

HOW. DO. I. MAKE. THIS. HEALTHY?

was this doomed from the start?

whos to say whats healthy and whats not?

are these fears common, because im new to relationships of this level?

if i have the thought, does it mean its true?

things to do:

- do. not. put. your. emotional. well. being. after. anyone. elses.

- trust you gut??? i have no idea anymore, this changes every day.

- mental illness isnt the end of the world. it makes things hard for her, yes, but its not unlivable. trust her to do her best and support her.

[justineps]

ok this hit home like no other.

“And by the time you realized it..” - i was too traumatized to even notice my own subtle actions at the time and had to be asked what was i doing at that exact moment, sitting alone in the corner of a place i rented to myself, which i had previously been doing continuously for nights in my own “home” so nothing blew out of proportion.. almost every night. I remember i started to breathe really hard after i heard her ask, thinking if i should just go sit outside to make things better for “her” like always, got too anxious to talk, embarrassed to move, because those feelings started to seep through my body, ridding the essential desire to survive which pushed me up until this day. I’m not in any way racist, but filipinas always end up feeling like theyre somehow my cousin from sone long lost jungle. sorry, that’s just how ive thought about that since i was a kid, and it’s nothing bad. It’s just i think in the end I really cannot find myself anything more than attracted to just someone of the same race, knowing how marriages in this ethnicity end up. She felt like my younger female cousin. She would actually always try to talk to me when i was younger and before we got all separated. Those two weekends I spent in vegas because I was homeless was the best financial thing for me to do, and I guess spiritually as well. It was like therapy for each other as to why things werent working in her relationship, and why mine had ended, or even worse, I had made her turn into someone i would have never even been interested in speaking to, especially the way she was towards me on the last day. We spilled everything, she didnt have friends, i didnt either. I even took some time of the day to read parts of the Bible with her to help her find her meaning of what got them together. But, at the same time, I desperately was doing the same even if I didnt know who I even was with last anymore. The second week, i was a mess. A lot had happened to me when i got back, got in fights, robbed, left outside to just look at the night sky.. *everything.. is still so clear in my head as i type this* I remember I only had less than $100 left. Thats.. not enough for much here in California. So I went back since the owner of the AirBNB liked me and let me stay for two days, but had to find a third and fourth place. That part wasnt hard as long as youre just nice to the drivers and follow their recommendations. That girl got a bit mad I didnt tell her I was there alone since she saw how I was in the corner last time, but told her I’m fine and just here because of what I can afford and be safer with. I took up her offer in driving me to the station the next morning and talked for a bit. Thanked each other and i had hoped she found her grounding and happiness the day they wed. And as for me that day, i guess just my grounding and will to keep going, even after finding out what I had already expected and crushed me. Although this time, my life really was endangered if I hadnt put full focus as to what moves I should be doing next, so there was no time to mope and feel like wet broom.

.. If I kiss a turtle or something, would that count as the last thing I kissed? Since.. princesses and frogs… lol ok im jk, ive gotten much older and everything is in the past for me. When Ive said that, someone had asked what if the past just ends up uncontrollably coming back? Well… i mean logically, it’d just be a renewed present, or at the very least would hope to be renewed? Just go with it … nothings forever, nothings too short

٩( 'ω' )و

[theendofmybody]

i think its so unfair that good decisions can still feel really bad

[pouringmyheartoutforpaper]

i can’t stop thinking abt like semi vanilla sex with soft boyfriend steve… but he’s obviously daddy because casual dominance mixed into bedroom dominance 😚🤌

and he’s such a dirty talker “i know honey, you’re okay. i know, feels so good doesn’t it? daddy’s here. not going anywhere”

just so sweet and loving🥺

i have a very anxious attachment style and i just want him to hold me and fuck me and when i grab on to him he just shh’s me.

HERE IT IS. 'TIS DONE

Euphoria (s.h.)

i am so sorry i got SO carried away when i saw this ask. i had to turn it into a longer fic. thank you so much and i will def be using this again <3

first time fic, smut, fluff, shy!reader, reader is referred to as angel, bc y/n makes me cringe :< I based this off of the stancy sex scene bc steve in that makes me swoon.

steve is a gentleman, first and foremost. so when his angel starts to get desperate, he knows its time to come up with a plan. she doesnt even notice that shes showing it, but of course, steve analyzes her every move. hes worked out what she likes and how she likes it before they even talk about sex. poor angel is shy about all of it. she wants him, really bad. but hes taking things slowly for her own good. shes had one relationship in the past that shes still unlearning, hence why shes so shy around him. learning to look at sex as something enjoyable as opposed to a chore. angel wanted sex with steve, she didn’t dread it like other times.

steve made her feel safe, and genuinely beautiful. he makes her feel like a princess. angel was surprised when he kissed her and it felt good. it was passionate and felt like home. it didnt feel like she was being used, it felt like mutual adoration and love in a physical form. god, it felt amazing. she wanted more.

five months of comfort and bliss later, steve hasn’t made one sexual move on her. he appreciates what she gives him, but he knows they have all the time in the world. he knows shes "it" for him. shes his best friend. his angel will make it onto his lap, but when things pick up she gets shy. why wasnt he making a move? does he not want her?

which brings them to where they are now. steves hands wandering over her body, her propped up on his lap. her pretty sundress that started all this was riding up her thighs. her chest pressed into his. it was getting harder and harder to be a gentleman. he could see her lace bralette through her dress and he was ravenous. every bone in his body was aching to rip it off and kiss her all over. but he wouldnt. he would take her out first. make sure it's perfect. make sure its magical. make sure it's not on his living room couch at three in the afternoon.

“steve” it came out like a whimper “want more”

his breath hitched. and all he could think of was making angel his little wife.

“yeah baby?” he grips her hair a little, and rubs his thumb up and down the little area of skin right below her temple and next to her ear. “i want you too angel… how about ill take you out tomorrow night? and we’ll go from there ,yea? want you to think it through m’kay? ill give you whatever you want, you just have to ask.”

steve picked her up at five. of course, because it's steve, a candlelit picnic was in order. he had everything set up in the back of his BMW. opened the trunk, making sure a blanket was placed down before everything else. he didn't want her to get her dress dirty.

he was obscenely obsessed with the pretty white dress that went just above the knee. it had pretty little frills on the bottom, and a straight across neckline a few inches above her nipples. a shiny gold and pearl necklace, strappy gold two-inch heels angel fished out of the bottom of her closet. he was practically drooling. feeding her chocolate strawberries he bought at the farmers market down the street. she made flower crowns out of the little dandelions around the blanket. his heart full of love for her.

back at steves house, angel changed into her pajamas. some pink silk pants and one of steves sweaters. he made some tea and put out her favorite snacks on the coffee table for when she came back down. snuggling up to him and thanking him immensely for her day, and allowing her to stay over. to which of course he told her that he should be thanking her.

hours and hours of hugs and kisses that lasted a little bit longer than intended later, it was around eight at night.

"honey, do you wanna get ready for bed? i can put on a movie for us in my room if you want?" steve whispered as gently as he could into angels ear, lips brushing over the shiny earrings she was wearing.

"yes, please. thank you" it came out small, she was nervous. he can tell. he took her face into his hands, rubbing at her cheek lightly.

"listen to me doll, if you just want to watch a movie or cuddle or- just- whatever you want to do, I wont be upset. at all. i promise. i don't want you to feel nervous."

she smiled. " 'm not nervous,-" a little quieter, looking down at her socks, "im excited. just scared that I wont do a good job."

"hey, thats not what it's about babe, there's literally-" he scoffed, "- no way you could do anything wrong. promise." his hands wrapped around her waist, lifting her up and spinning her like she was a princess, making her laugh again. "if you want something just let me know l'right? if you're even like a little tiny bit hesitant you don't even have to say anything okay? no big deal" he held his hands up, emphasizing his last statement.

she gave him the biggest sweetest kiss in the whole wide world, the kind that made his brain go fuzzy and gave him a high that nothing else in the world could.

"c'mon babygirl" he broke the kiss, "gonna lock up the house, kay? go ahead and go upstairs 'nd lay down. ill put a movie on."

as he made his way around the house, steve went over everything he knew she loved in his head. images of her heat rushing to her cheeks, eyes blown wide, pretty thighs pressing together. steve knows what he's doing in bed, and he knows that. so he's not too nervous about his performance. he knows he can satisfy his angel, and he's anticipating every second of it. but the thought of undressing her, seeing her exposed and beautiful, had his breath hitching and his jeans getting tighter as he climbs the stairs to his bedroom.

a soft knock on the door, "honey, can I come in?"

"yes steve"

"hey baby-" and that was all he could get out before his jaw dropped and his pupils blew to two times their original size.

there she was, standing in his bedroom, with that same heat in her cheeks, same blown-out eyes. but this time, his angel was draped in a sheer lace robe that was hanging open, revealing her bare skin donned in sheer, floral lingerie. her nipples peaking through the fabric, skin glowing in the warm light from his bedside. a real-life angel.

"i-" she looked down at her feet, one arm swinging over her stomach in an attempt to cover herself, suddenly feeling very vulnerable, "-i thought it was pretty-"

"you're so gorgeous baby," closing the gap between them immediately, wrapping his arm around her hips, pulling her closer. placing his hand on the side of her freshly clean face. "I love you so much." capturing her lips in a fairytale kiss, trying to express as much love as he can with the gesture.

his arms wrapped around her waist, lifting her up into his arms. steve swears he's in a dream. angel's legs wrapping around his waist, grinding her cunt onto his stomach and devouring him.

"do you want me, love? tell me."

"yes please steve, 'm ready"

he lowers her onto the neatly made bed. he prepared his room the best he could when he woke up this morning. fluffing all his pillows, and washing his comforter. a bouquet of roses with her name on the tag laid on his bedside table.

"i love you, so so much sweetheart." his voice is soft and sweet, gentle and loving.

"i love you too."

slow, passionate, and messy kisses. slotting himself between her legs before pulling his shirt off. leaning down to kiss all over her face, smiling into each one. he moves down to her neck, licking and kissing all over. he finally lays his lips onto her jaw and sucks the soft skin into his mouth. a strangled moan leaves her lips. arching her back and running her hands all over his chest. steve pushes off his jeans and places a firm hand on her waist.

poor angel’s eyes widen at the outline of steves cock through his boxers. her face heating up and her hips moving on their own. it was huge. she knew steve was big. lingering stares at his bulge in his jeans (or sweatpants, or god forbid those little shorts) but seeing it so close was amazing.

steves hands traveled up her hips, right below her breasts. he stopped to look up at her. “is this okay lovey?”

“yes steve”

his hands palmed her tits over the veil of fabric. kneading the skin in his hands. placing kisses over both of them and humming into her chest. poor, poor angel. shes moaning at this point. making steves cock painfully hard.

“more please?”

he grinned. cocky as ever. “‘course baby.” before moving down her stomach, kissing a trail all the way down to her thighs. opening her legs and sucking the skin inside. working his way up till he got to her pretty, pretty cunt.

his soft breath on her. her scent flooding his senses and making him swoon. all he could think about was the beautiful angel in front of him, and how bad he wanted to eat her pretty pussy.

“can i kiss you here?”

her face flushed and mouth open above him made him melt. “please” she sighed, desperate.

his lips came down to place a kiss right on the front of her panties, before moving upwards to her pretty nipples. his jaw clenched from fighting the urge to devour her. kissing each of them before reaching to unhook her bra, asking her sweetly if he could take it off.

“yes steve, i love you”

shes just so adorable and desperate he just adores her. unhooking the floral fabric and sliding it off her arms. he gazes at her pretty tits, red around the nipple from how sensitive she is, and a small gasp falls from his lips.

“so beautiful baby. my good girl.” and angel is bucking her hips up towards him at his praise. unbelievably horny and already a little cockdrunk. “yeah, you wanna be my good girl? let me make love to you sweetheart.”

“i love you stevie,”

“i love you angel, always” and hes so content. adoring her, touching her, loving her. he moves down to her panties again, warm breath on her swollen clit. “is it okay if these come off angel? you look so beautiful in them, but I just wanna see you hon.” smiling fondly when she lets out a little “yes please.”

he hooks his thumbs onto the waistband, pressing kisses all over it before sliding them off. angel moaned when her cunt was hit by the cool air. steves eyes on her like he was going to ravish her. she was soaking wet, clit red and swollen, clenching by itself every few seconds. “so pretty,,,can i touch you here? ,,please baby.” briefly sitting up to admire his angel completely bare. cock throbbing and heart pounding.

“please d-stevie” and of course he knows what she was going to say. angel has called him daddy before, mostly jokingly, but hes an observant lover. so obviously he notices how much angel loves it when he takes care of her. he expected her praise kink, and he expected her to let “daddy” slip out once or twice. everyone called steve daddy sometimes, as a joke. but he liked it a little too much when she did it.

he kisses her sweetly, lips tangled with angel’s. before moving down to her pretty pussy. licking his lips before gently touching her folds, opening up her pretty flower. she whined and moaned. pretty little head filled with only thoughts of him.

"so pretty baby, so fucking beautiful. love you so much" reaching one of his hands to hold hers firmly, grounding her in reality. kissing up her thighs before coming back up to kiss her. "is everything okay?"

she smiled, both of their hearts warm and content. "yeah stevie. i want you."

passionate, loving, mind-blowing, earth-shattering kisses that stopped time for the next twenty minutes. his hands roamed all over her, her fingers twirling in his hair, making him moan into her mouth

steves fingers started to drag down her stomach, goosebumps decorating her skin as his palm rests on her clit. taking her bottom lip into his teeth before kissing her deeper. steve wants to get her ready for him, but shes so ready for him to let go and fill her up. angel's fingertips trailing down his happy trail, dipping under the waistband. pouting at him.

"what'd i tell you love? ill do anything for you, you just have to ask me." and he was right. he didn't do anything unless she specifically asked for it, which was why he was still straining against his boxers.

"want it off." pushing the fabric down unsuccessfully. pout still very prominent.

"thank you babe," and hes picking her up off the bed and switching their position swiftly. "you want to do it or me angel?"

"me! me." she said a little too quickly, making them both giggle a little. she leans up to kiss him, still grinning. pulling the waistband down his hips, slowly exposing more of him. just seeing the first few inches of skin showing had her head spinning and her face heating up. steve places his hand on her face as he lifts his hips a little allowing him to get rid of the extra fabric. moaning as his cock hits the air. springing straight up and lifting a weight off his shoulders. so delighted he almost didn't notice his angel's face. her eyes glassed over, mouth opening subconsciously. gazing up at him and letting out a small whimper. admiring him completely, the prettiest cock in the world.

"steve..."

"i know beautiful, y' look so pretty. cmon lovey, give me a kiss." maneuvering her face back to his. a soft grip on her hips, kneading the skin and rubbing up and down her back. heat pooling between their legs and flushing their skin. angel's fingertips trailing up the soft skin on his chest, gripping and kissing him everywhere the position would let her. his fingers find her cunt again, fucking her open on his hand slowly. her mouth open and moaning into his mouth.

"steve, steve, steve" she pulls away from his lips, staring at his flushed expression. "I wanna help you."

"fuck- alright sweetheart. go easy on me babe, want to stay like this forever." shifting his weight to make her as comfortable as he could. her lips trailing down his stomach, kissing and trailing her nails down his sides, making his hips jerk.

"can I touch you stevie?"

"i-" a deep breath racking through his body, "i'd love that baby."

the feeling of her lips kissing the neatly trimmed hair around his cock has him gripping the bedsheets. throwing his head back and groaning before immediately forcing himself to look back so he won't miss anything. gasping when her hand wraps around him, thumb and index finger lightly brushing the tip of his cock. "jesus christ babe. yeah,,, good job baby; keep going."

and she does just that, stroking him from the base of his cock all the way up to the tip. he's moaning filthily, almost embarrassingly. her lips meeting his tip in a soft kiss, making him shake a little, smiling down at her.

he has to pull her off of him when it gets a little too much for him. he still wants to last another hour or two, and with the way her mouth is moving on him makes him think otherwise. rubbing her shoulders as he pulls her back up to him, kissing her sweetly. flipping their position to where he's hovered over her. pressing their foreheads together.

"you want me to keep going hone-"

"yeahh-" it's a long and drawn out whimper. a soft smile and a chuckle leaving his lips in response, leaving them both giggling a little bit. giggles that quickly turned into moans when his hands went back down to her cunt, kissing her as softly as he could once again. his lips pressed against hers, making them both feel hazy and soft.

"okay baby, you gonna relax for me, yeah?" his hands coming back up to her torso, stroking slowly and sensually. moving down to her hips, lifting them up and placing a pillow underneath her. his angel's cunt exposed on display for him. his wandering hands back onto her body, leaning down to kiss her. pressing their bodies together, her soft tits against his chest, bare skin pressed together, making his breath hitch. his cock starting to press against her clit, creating friction as he started to rock against her sex. his angel whimpering and quivering from how sensitive she is.

"shhh, ive got you baby. ive got you. that feels good yeah? i know honey. god- you feel so good baby. good girl. my good girl." her pussy pulsating and contracting at his praise.

"want more steve, more please, i want you inside of me, please."

his eyes roll back into his head a little bit, feathering kisses onto her collarbones before leaning back up just enough to look at her. savoring the way her face turned red, a soft flush over her chest and neck. all the way down to her vulva, flushed and swollen with arousal.

"yeah baby? yeah? you want me inside you honey? want me to make love to my pretty girl?" voice breathy and adoring.

a whisper. soft enough that he could only hear because he was so in tune with her. "please daddy, love you stevie, please."

"oh baby, -fuck" stroking his cock before lining himself up with her lips, spreading her arousal around with his tip. "deep breath for me sweet girl, deep breath. ive got you okay? gonna take care of you. make love to my pretty baby. tell me if you want me to stop babygirl, ill be gentle with you, 'kay? ive got you."

finally, steve grabs onto her propped-up hips, kneading them soothingly. rubbing up and down her torso while he spreads her cunt open. legs open wide for him as he slides his thick cock inside her. the head of his cock inside her as she lets out a moan thats almost a scream. the stretch is euphoric. slightly painful, but it just fit so good inside her. making her throw her head back, giving steve a good view of her neck and tits.

his jaw slack and head thrown back in pure bliss. loud moans leaving his lips to match hers before leaning back down to her face.

"shh, shh, i've got you baby, good girl. i love you so much. you okay?" his cock halfway inside, massaging her clit with his thumb. working her open around him.

"'m okay stevie, want more please- steve!" his angel begged him. her voice desperate, making him shudder. he moves his hands up to hers, intertwining their fingers and rocking his hips into hers. leaning down to kiss her while he bottoms out inside her. her pretty cunt fluttering around him as he buries himself inside her. his lips moving down to her neck, sucking and biting the soft skin into his mouth. reveling in the way shes reacting, back arching and chanting his name.

"love you so much. god youre beautiful. you feel so good baby. so good." he groaned into her neck. steve imagines this is what heaven feels like. he's so in love with her, an all-consuming, comfortable love that makes him feel completely whole. a passionate love that makes him feel red hot and desperate.

"i love you so much steve, so much. feels s' good." her hand caressing his face, pulling him in for a lazy sensual kiss that makes time stop. his arms pulling her legs to rest on his hips. pulling away slightly to whisper into her lips.

"you want me to move, sweet girl? you feeling okay?"

"im okay steve, are you okay?", he smiles softly, providing a sincere affirmation. "please steve, i want you. all of you. forever."

he has to fight to not tear up at how much her words really affect him. the emotion and passion in the room being shared between the both of them. intoxicating and euphoric.

"i'm so in love with you," his hips pulling back and rolling into her again. moans filling the room, the sound of him making love to her messy cunt flooding his system. a deep, sensual rhythm developing. the trail of hair on his pelvis and stomach becoming increasingly slick. holding each other as close as possible, love flooding them with every intake of breath.

rutting and grinding into her. her hands running down his back and trailing kisses up his chest. gasping when his fingers pick up an unrelenting pace on her clit. working together to bring each other to the edge, enjoying every second of it.

"oh- steve" he could feel his angel's cunt clamping down on him. his cock twitching, so close to finishing. he's been close for the past hour, holding himself at the edge to make sure she finishes first.

"yeah baby? fuck- my good girl. what do you need from me sweet girl?" his thrusts becoming faster and more desperate, groaning and moaning into each others mouths.

"'m close stevie, 'm close"

"i know, i know baby. i love you, i want you to cum for me, sweetheart." the pace of his fingers on her clit remaining constant as she follows his orders. letting her climax build to its peak, babbling and desperate as he continues to work her through it.

"im gonna cum with you lovey, cum for me." and that's all it takes to have the knot in her stomach unravel. white hot pleasure racking through her body, vision blurring, and shes almost certain shes seeing stars.

"steve!" her moans mimicking screams, body writhing and jerking with her orgasm. enough for steve to let himself cum. his own orgasm flooding her cunt. muscles tensing and relaxing, a long, guttural moan falling from his slack jaw, eyelids fluttering shut and back open again to look at the angel in front of him.

euphoria

bodies relaxing and falling into the sheets below them. steve kissing up her neck and pulling her into another time-stopping kiss. still inside of her, holding her close to him and treating her like the most precious thing in the world. rubbing soothing circles into her cheek as he pulls out. comforting her when she whimpers.

"youre the best thing that's ever happened to me. that was so amazing. i love you so much." steve rasped, absolutely beaming at her.

"i love you so much steve, i think i just ascended." sending them both into a fit of giggles and kisses.

"i think I did too babydoll. lets get you cleaned up."

[unagrancantidaddepanes]

hello !!!!!!! sorry i didnt explain much i didnt realise pearl having a love obsession (??? i dont remember what its called exactly) wasnt a common interpretation, im saying this as someone who has personally experienced this and personally saw her as having some behaviours i displayed when i was going through this, it basically means that you have some kind of trauma and as a reaction to that you develop an obsession with someone your in love with, like you become absolutely fixated on them to an unhealthy agree, pearl was completely devoted to rose, which can be sweet and healthy but to me it seemed like the sheer level of devotion pearl had to rose was due to trauma of being objectified and constantly talked down to on homeworld. she started falling in love when pink diamond/rose was the first person to treat with respect and as a real, valuable person, which can be a cute and healthy love story !!! just due to the obsessive ways pearl behaves after this i feel like because of the way shes been mistreated in the past it seems like she really latched onto rose, partly due to genuine love and partly as a trauma response.

also i assumed she was probably 'programmed' in some way when being made to be completely devoted to the diamond she was serving, like she was literally designed that way or something, kind of like the way that children are instinctually attached to their parents to some extent. i dont think this is the whole reason shes in love with her, but its what i assumed was the reason that she was SO devoted and attached to her. I know this isnt every persons interpretation, but its just how i saw it as someone whos experienced that. its not that i think shes in love with rose soley because of how she was made and her past of being objectified, but i do think it changed the way that she loved her, growing so much devotion that she develops obsessive tendancies and even becomes self sacrificial.

for example especially in season 1, sometimes when she talks about rose she seems agitated like making anxious expressions and shaking ect, its just the way she talks and behaves around her and when talking about her, like constantly being desperate for her attention and doing anything to impress her, and the way that she puts her on this pedestal and completely idealizes her, the way that she is fulling willing to die for her without hesitation like she teaches connie in sworn to the sword, honestly i think she (at least for a lot of the show) was still in the mindset of being below pink diamond/rose. also, back the fact she is willing to die for rose without even hesitation (at least in that point of the show). i honestly dont know how that could be interpreted as healthy love, it is my personal interpretation that she developed obsessive tendacies about rose, and everyone else is entitled to their own interpretations, but i honestly do not know how anyone could possibly explain the way she acts about rose in sworn to the sword specifically as just healthy love towards someone. maybe some people see it that way but i just genuinlly dont understand how anyone could, honestly id be happy for anyone who does maybe think this to explain why because im genuinly curious.

basically the "level of devotion" i was talking about was referring to my personal interpretation of how pearl acts and feels about rose and why, also im a bit confused by what u said at the end but for clarification yeah rose is absolutely not suppose to reciprocate (what i see as) pearls obsession towards her, this kind of obsession is super unhealthy and is rooted in deeper issues like trauma, not love.

btw, with roses side of this relationship, she did some really bad things to pearl, like forcefully making it so that shes never be able to talk about what happened in a single pale rose, which i am pissed at her for, but generally in the relationship (weather it was platonic, romantic or otherwise) i think rose was just super niave. like she just genuinlly didnt understand that pearl was in love with her, and if she loved her back i dont think she understood that either, her whole arc with greg was about her not understanding love, so i think its kind of unfair for people to expect her to be able to recognise love in other people (like pearl) when she cant even recognise it herself and barely understood what love even is, at least before and at the beginning of her and gregs relationship

anyways its cool if u disagree, a lot of people interpret pearl and roses relationship in a lot of different ways so if you wanna ask anything or explain how u see it pls feel free !!!!! id actually really like to hear other interpretations if u (or anyone else) wanted to share

ok just before i post i just found the names of 2 conditions that r based on obsessive love, limerence and obsessive love disorder if anyone wanted to look into it more :) i didnt know there were multiple so there may also be more that im not aware of

PearlRose I would argue isn't one-sided at all. Rose is just shit terrible at communicating and assumes everyone is cool with her being polyarmorous. Her and Pearl are still very much involved when she's falling head over heels for Greg and getting serious with him. We've seen how Pearl is without Rose, I'm pretty sure Pearl would've been an even bigger wreck if Rose had actually broken up with her.

no i know however the sheer level of devotion pearl had for rose wasn't reciprocated at least the way pearl felt it (important) so thats why i said not completely

[kuumara]

ok lets go

usually the original post is alright and its the comments that are weird, but not this time. bc i could say the exact same thing ab mcdonalds, that they would be disappointed crying pissing screaming etc when they see s5. i personally think more ronaldmcdonaldasses should be ok with a byler endgame, but if i said this they would all cry piss scream shit

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yeah, he did say he's scared of losing her. but as the saying goes that you've prob seen from alot of other stuff, "if you love something you're not afraid to let it go". so idk ab u but mike saying that just confirms that the relationship is toxic and if it continues it might even turn into an emotionally abusive one, IMO (its a pattern- ur anxious the partner will leave, u start being more cautious around them; even turn into a whole another version of urself u think the partner will like more (mikes lenora drip), etc etc. very stressful for u (mike) and also ur partner (el)).

"he's clearly inlove with eleven" idk it wasnt really clear to me when she offensively side-eyed him at the cabin and then he rolled his eyes or wtvr that was, which was literally the last time they interacted. not really madly in love healthy relationship of them tbh. and its EL not goddamn eleven that alone speaks volumes ab how much they care ab her well-being or character arc or wtvr their other excuses are (they say mike leaving her would crush her, but so would if u called her eleven in her face)

"it would go against everything we've seen in the show" i agree with this one. except, byler not being canon would go against everything blablabla 🤓 like, we've seen this happen before with steve and robin, this would just be even more bombastic.

then, the show dunks on homophobes all the time so Macabre canon would go against that too; and yes, it would be homophobic to use a gay character's CONFESSION and FEELINGS THAT ARE ALREADY CAUSING HIM PAIN to uplift the straight couple, making them happy married with 17 kids while the gay character is in even more pain and like dies or smth

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holy shit i thought yall were exaggerating when u said they actually think mleven is love at first sight.

1) the duffers wouldnt "suddenly scrap it", ppl have been finding subtext and set design clues since the beginning, since ep1. no its not delusions, its stuff for which there isnt any other actual explanation. it all makes sense, every subtext reference, every set design prop, every decoration on clothes- theres even an official st video on yt where the set design says she put triangles on robins clothes bc shes gay asf. Guess who else has triangles on his shirt (which he wears for majority of the show, might i add)? MIKE -but that just means he likes girls!! just like robin, to shut down any theories the fans made ab him liking guys!!! hes a lesbian😭😭😭

2) im assuming these are hard core fans, since theyre still in the subreddit and all that, and i dont doubt theyve seen the stranger things twitter account say they don't believe in love at first sight. so the writers=write the show. don't believe in love at first sight, it's just cheesy (infatuated) 12yr old shit. so, why would they include smth they think isn't real, unrealistic even? except if they're saying mike and els love isn't real-

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alright final one. the classic "yall delusional" argument. Nothing else to say besides we are seeing patterns and we are recognizing them. not my fault ur not as observant and intelligent🙄