#i really like So Bad but idk i dont feel the same pull to learn more about them and stan them the way i did with some other rookies

[forecast0ctopus]

Any advice on drawing McCoy? I’m not used to drawing ancient wrinkley bastards (affectionate) and it’s surprisingly tough v-v

FOR SURE lmao i made. a diagram. just a warning that i am going to be irritating and long winded because u just hit a topic i really like sorry lmao

so first off i did some traces just to show whats there vs redraws to show my interpretation

ive said this on other asks but again jsyk, tracing isnt bad!! its a tool. theres some stuff with intellectual property and whatnot but using tracing to study shapes and forms is a really valuable practice.

also just taking some time to learn facial structures and anatomy is super useful, reading what bones and muscles are where and how they interact with one another. taking this info and staring in the mirror and moving your face around and thinking about it. just really furthers understanding of how the face works. trying to sound normal about this but i love anatomy and motion and physics and whatever

anyways im going to go through all the numbered points so there's no confusion. 1. forehead lines - self explanatory. more prominent when brows are raised 2. crows feet - at the outer corners of the eyes, more prominent when smiling or squinting 3. nasolabial folds - the folds that go from the corners of the nose to the corners of the mouth. more prominent when the mouth is wide, like smiling 4. brow furrow - self explanatory, most prominent when brows are furrowed. mccoy tends to have two right next to his eyebrows, kirk has one in the middle. everyones face works different lmao 5. chin crease - caused by how the chin and lower lip interact. 6. nasojugal groove - start from the inner corners of the eye and can extent over the cheeks. everyone has these and idk why people dont like them i think theyre really cool!!!! but Society. i guess. :/ 7. eye bags - caused by the skin sagging beneath the eyes. mccoy isnt even that old in tos i think hes meant to be mid 40s by the end of the 5 year mission, hes just got really prominent eye bags lmao 8. idk what the name is for these, but when the mouth is wide and pushes the skin to the sides, these folds sometimes form outside of the nasolabial folds 9. philtrum - the groove above the upper lip. i dont usually draw this but mccoy's struck me as prominent enough that i usually draw it on him 10. masseter - the muscle that moves the jaw up and down. its a pretty rugged muscle and while i wouldnt say mccoy's is especially prominent, it kind of extends that nasojugal groove from certain angles/positions 11. orbicularis oris - mouth muscle, usually easier to see when lips are pursed or frowns are pulled. mccoy's is pretty prominent from 3/4ths or side, his mouth tends to protrude in profile 12. this isnt a muscle but more of a line defining the planes of the face, but since i drew it i felt i should explain lmao

a few points:

im an animator i tend to exaggerate and emphasize certain things so i usually make him more square.

i like to combine eyebags and crows feet for brevity/flow, same with nasojugal grooves, eyebags, and masseter lines. my approach is always subject to change based on pose, expression, reference image, etc.

i take out details that i deem redundant or cluttering and keep what details i need to make things feel Right

all this info is applicable to any character of any age, its just in how you apply it and facial proportions that willl change how old a character is perceived to be

there's a lot more with drawing a Character rather than an Actor, just because the features are there doesnt necessarily mean things will feel correct? its very much in the mannerisms and poses and expressions

i only went over my approach to his likeness but not really body type or posing or anything idk if u want that i could always try to answer that later haha

_______________

anyways all that info kind of exists nebulously in my brain while i draw its not like im sitting there thinking Must Draw. Nasolabial Fold...... i jsut do what feels right with the visual info i have. also i love specificity in faces.... i dont like to be a hater but when every character is drawn the same it pisses me off a little lmao. so

also dont take my word as The Only Way to do anything i just draw how i like to draw and no one should feel like these are things that Must be done to be a good artist or anything do whatever the hell u wanna do

[fictionfixations]

Kalim in RSA (and I get off-topic)

Spoilers for Book 4 and 5 (im sorry jamil enjoyers. but im so biased towards kalim its not even funny)

(this spiraled into me talking all about kalim in the actual game so oops)

imagine how different the story would be if kalim was in RSA

and we just hear from jamil about these snippets about his 'master' (although itd be weird they'd be separated if jamil tended to him often to where he'd prob be like his personal servant? idk what situation would have jamil talk to us anyway but yknow maybe we get close, he's like the other friend who seems cool? he'll basically help us out with knowledge about things, fleshing out the world a bit more, as the only sophomore in the group cause he kind of feels responsible maybe? then BETRAYAL)

and then eventually partway through the school year KALIM IS THERE (we know why though) and he somehow ends up housewarden.

i have a dislike against RSA. its very petty and its kind of because they keep winning (and they dont even mean ill intent which is worse! …but its kind of like kalims kindness. and i like kalim but that might make me biased. SO. thus the existence of this.)

we probably wouldnt like him much right? (and i imagine he'd get his fair share of bullies. we find this out. he laughs it off like 'nah, im used to attempted assassinations and everything. this isnt nearly as bad.')

(id do the clapping between but ppl get annoyed, and i get annoyed) CUE KALIM BEING MORE THAN SMILES AND WE LEARN THAT ABOUT HIM !!

HES aware enough that he can cook food good using JUST magic (which takes precision to use it as good or even better than your hands right??. its in his labwear vignette. ruggies teaching him ofc so ruggie wants it to be good cause hes taking leftovers, BUT CMOONNN he can learn. ..and yeah it took a few years for jamil to teach kalim antidotes to common poisons so he could do it easy but kalims hardly a master at making potions so i call that good)

AND in book 5 he noticed vil had like the same look as jamil to where he knew something was going to go wrong (aka the poisoning)

maybe its to show how much kalim doesnt belong in NRC and thats why they dont pull the 'more than he looks at first glance' like cater with glimpses in vignettes and etc

but like COME ON.

the sultan might be dumb (i recently re-watched aladdin) but at least he knew enough that he didnt want jafar marrying his daughter cause hes OLD and also he doesnt want to force jasmine into anything (good intentions. im sure if they just waited and she didnt find a suitor in time he would've just CHANGED THE LAW like he did IN THE MOVIE because he wants her to be happy!)

ALSo he tried to look through the law jafar claimed to say that would make her have to be married to the vizier or whatever (aka jafar) but then jafar just pulled it away before he could (and then attempted to mind control him when he refused) mans was prepared to spend hours reading over it even if he didnt understand it but he wasnt given the chance

also kalim is worryingly nonchalant about stuff. i mean. you can get used to horrible things to where they just feel so normal and uninmportant i guess? but poor bby. hes been like 'i want to keep myself alive because if i die then someone else will get punished.' or like about poisoning, if someone has a change of mind and hes already dead, then he cant do something to help them, so he has to make sure he'll live.

..i really doubt that hes just. so oblivious. maybe in denial, but still.

anyway i got very off topic. my bad. and to be fair we do get to see more of him at some parts. but hhh

okay listen. denial. (i am also a believer that if when kalim confronted jamil, if he said he didnt do anything kalim wouldve believed him. bruh gave him excuses like '..i just got tired, right?')

"The real Jamil would never do such things! He's a good guy. He's always helping me, giving me a shoulder to lean on, and—" (Book 4 • Chapter 33)

we just. dont see him really crumble?? he just. keeps being optimistic

we convince him jamil is bad. he resolves to punch him for being a traitor and THATS IT?

he sobs at the end of jamils overblot but then he goes back to being optimistic like 'lets be equals!' (..it feels like he didnt really learn much though as he's still 'I didn't notice--' 'I--' and i wish he couldve gotten more awareness. cause he makes it about himself yknow and blaming himself but COME ON put some blame on jamil PLEASE? or like. ANYONE ELSE. you also cant notice shit if no one ever tells you about it that you dont even know to look for it! he doesnt want to be cautious about who he can trust so like, why would he think to doubt the person who hes known his entire life??? especially if its something that was just always there that it feels natural, how could he know better? hes sheltered! so someone shouldve explained it to him, made him realize things! aghhh)

heres the book 5 one btw

"I got a real bad feeling when I saw the look on your face after Neige's rehearsal. It was practically the same look I saw on Jamil's face when he lost control of himself over holiday break." (Book 5 • Chapter 62)

And I mean maybe he did learn in that he's more aware of this now than others because he knows what people could look like because of Jamil, but I feel like a lot of things were just so unsaid. That the first time blindsided him, but now he's kind of a little more worried about something happening while he's there that he didn't notice so now he's trying to notice things more??? Or like maybe having gut feelings that he'd ignored before because it was Jamil but now knowing better?

So he can be aware. but then the rest of the time he's just thought of as dumb or an idiot or forgetful and it just makes me sad. and i mean i get that he wants to see the best in people but we never really talk about how its more that its denial. a refusal to see it, and i want to understand why

or maybe its because he sees the good in people that he trusts they'll do the right thing. or he believes that the good outweigh the bad (although i dont know if it'd be the same case if it was someone he knew who got hurt)

like. okay back in book 5

"Besides, I would bet there isn't a single person in Scarabia who hasn't gotten help from Jamil at some point. Am I right?"

"See? There you go. He's been a model vice housewarden. In fact, he's put me to shame. He let dark thoughts get the better of him for a brief time. Other than that, he's a perfectly capable guy." (Book 5 • Chapter 10)

He justifies it with that Jamil isn't the only one to blame (he also blames himself), and that Jamil hadn't done anything wrong before then

which. AGAIn. means that in his eyes the good outweigh the bad. jamils better at his duties so jamil should stay as vice housewarden.

this was the first time jamil did anything bad so it'd be fine, it was just an error in judgment

AGHHh

nothing about the fact that his closest friend he views as a brother

"He's grown up with Jamil since a young age, and considers him a brother in all but blood." (from the In-game Album)

who would be the last person he'd expect to do such a thing BETRAYS HIM, planning to make everyone (or well just the people in scarabia) turn against him

like. that has to be a shock right??? AND THEN HE JUST. welcomes him back into his life like it was nothing im just. kALIM. SWEETIE.

and i mean i get its for the best since if anyone knew what actually happened anything could happen to jamil (and jamil has his own reasons i get that but this is about kalim)

but he still hangs around him. has him as his aide. so while something did change, it also feels like nothing changed at the same time.

"I'm always chosen. Always. That's such an obvious truth that I never even consciously processed it. But now I see that was only possible because of Jamil's constant sacrifices. He created that "truth" in my mind by always holding back. By always letting me win. ...It stings. "Galling" doesn't even begin to describe it." (Book 5 • Chapter 30)

also like one of the very few times he expresses how he feels about something (how it hurts not to be chosen for the first time, and/or that he was only chosen because of someone else so he wants to work hard)

and then grim shuts him down with "You wanna talk about galling? Imagine how I feel not even makin' the cut for the audition to start with."

like. COME ON.

Kalim responds with, "Ah, you're right. My bad! I didn't mean to rub it in. Goodness, there I go again! I'm super sorry, honest."

and yeah it can seem kind of spoiled but also. its probably because of that that he doesnt want to share his troubles because he's very privileged so it feels like he might not deserve to act like its anything when everyone else has to work so much harder, right?

AND ITS JUST. REAFFIRMING TO HIM THAT his troubles are nothing compared to anyone elses and im just aghhauihduadhw

he also cares a lot about other people (people like him as housewarden because he listens to their troubles and supports them) so i just. want him to be able to take a moment to care about himself and just admit these things that he usually doesnt get the chance to.

i got a lot more worked up than i meant to

[ha-youwish]

this video basically explains why i’ve been more visibly black lately on tumblr.

like tumblr is not only extremely white its also very liberal aka white people who say “sorry poc people for being white” (and yes i said poc people like that bc that’s literally what yall sound like. people of color people, really?)

i dont know how to explain it in a better way that he does in the video, so i’m gonna add on to what it says with something ive been thinking about.

at first i wanted to give people space or comfort them when they realized racism was bad or whatever. but also i am so tired and frustrated seeing white liberal people say the most obnoxious shit with their full chest like with the conversation about rap a little bit ago. AND every time my “learn how to draw black people or die” post gets more notes it becomes an exercise in self restraint

like i get the effort and on some level i appreciate it. but if the second i express my frustration with this whole “i’m so self aware that i dont have any awareness of this thing guys look at me give me points” thing and you get mad at me for that? you look goofy. you look dumb to me and every other black person on this site. idgaf if youre not white if you arent black and you pull this shit you have the same underlying mindset and should check yourself

dont be mad at me because i dont want to be your teacher. dont be mad at me because i dont want to aunt jemaima you into unlearning your biases. dont be mad because i dont want to hold the hand of a you being a little white baby

being black on this site feels like standing on a rocking chair. i feel unbalanced, like i can’t criticize people even when they fuck up because they not technically racist. do you know how much i have to hold back when a white person tells me about the time they “found out about racism”? youre so fucking lucky i want to strangle you but im not because youre a good person, because youre “listening and learning” and typing in all caps on the internet about how fucked up the world is

tumblr is what you get when theres a bunch of leftist white people in one space, a bunch of people who are aware of social issues but dont know how to not make shit about them and always take shit personally. you all sound like my ex roommate who grew up mormon but lived in the gay dorms with me. you sound like the soccer team i was on who heard me make a joke about my skin color and laughed so hard and paraded me around to tell the joke to everyone else at the party.

fuck this idk how to end this post. you guys just sound fucking stupid

[shinakazami1]

New tales Ep 5 live review! I had this in my drafts for so long, I'll finally post. I lost the draft 3 times while playing so some notes are missing or come from memory but yee jshshs

This run was a bad ending one so, a review of the game will happen once I play the good or neutral one, to see how the game was supposed to be played!

- the sequence with Phoung,,, like, I feel narrative would work better if we saw the choices we made in Ep 1? Like, talking about Anu's wrong doings without exactly suggesting them beforehand feels weird, esp since this is whole 'I don't care enough of others'. There was some foreshadowing for Octavio part but not this :/ like sure, it's sad Phuong had the anniversary and Anu forgot but I really wish we were showed that.

- Tediore soldiers are the most entertaining part of this episode istg. I'd even say they're the best part of the game in general as writers can strive at what they wanted - jokes.

- Fran part: Rita was adorable for trying to change (too bad she died sjhsjs) and LOU13 being a cat was amazing 🙀🙀 Bless you toxic yuri

- Mad that the relationship with killing in this game for each character is not stable. But once again, possibly something I'll need to check in good run

- Anu sequence : dear God Rhys made me so happy YOU DONT EVEN KNOW. LIKE I will replay the game and try to get to that part just to record him. He's so adorable 😭😭😭💕💕💕 even Anu can see that

- ouuuu I killed the psycho and I'm SO GLAD FINALLY HAVE ONE ACTION THAT WE ACTUALLY DID IN THIS WHOLE FUCKING THING.

- same with Keeper (tho Anu feeling bad for it, while works for her character, makes it silly since keeper was the one who wanted to kill her,,, but morality is a funny thing so IG it makes sense)

- I realised we lost that cute psycho tho,,, hope she will show up (foreshadowing)

- earlier I was mad about the sequence, it felt too forced. Seeing them mention the device - yeah I sort of see it but not fully nsjshhshsh

- wait the silly guard,,, omg is it the fella OMG IT IS OK HI HI THE CUTE PSYCHO

- free gym membership,,, would i also become a tediore soldier for that... What benefits does Rhys have...

- the fact after everything everything, first interactions siblings have is being mad Octavio shot his leg is beautiful. Siblings siblings siblings

- Fran focusing on mouth to mouth,,,a lot, even,,,, my hypersexual frem,,

- launch joke,, dear God,,,

- I'm a bit... Disappointed? That any arc happened and for now we didn't see a single thing about it, of her learning something or changing. Like why was the first part of episode for Anu there??? It feels pointless. I hope the good run will solve this...

-PUNCH THE DOOR

- I'm really mad

- I am hugging everybody with Fran cus why not djdjdhhd

- ouu tediore fellas letting BROCK do his thing is so cute sjshsh

- "I brought an echodex to a gunfight" HELL YEE GET HIM OCTAVIO

- don't kill the psycho NOOOO SHE WAS SO ADORABLE STAPLEFACE NOOO

- LOU13 IS SO SILLY with hsi timing to tell people what he thinks (tho he before seemed to respect them?) and telling any slay queen

- Googles,,, ouuuu why did Anu not learn enough with the goggles, dear God is it to show some people can stay ass holes,,,

- TIMM-E!! Pull!!

-I'm so mad that they didn't even go to Anu to talk about Stapleface? And like, yeah sure cute yuri but they didn't have much time spent together and idk why the crystal didn't work that time. It only didn't work for metal

- pour Frogurt,,,, dear God I wish this ;; and the punch with the whole ballet sequence fell so hard KSJDJDHEHE

- The shard changing Anu for different is so... Weird. Like it made her better bht now somehow, worse?

- I love tediore soldiers. Again jsjwhshl

- LOU13 NOOO DONT DIE and why did he have neutral expression instead of them using those we sad in that picture in Ep 1 ouuu

- ouuuuu OK ok that did hurt a bit

- ouuuu,,,, l0u13e,,,, no,,

- Susan,,, what the fuck sjehehshey

- Promethea,,,, news reporter,,,

- Dear God the ending feels so,,, hollow jshwhehshwh like the choice feels nonexistent? Also the friend is age

- OCTAVIO PLEASE

- and Susan is so dead inside??? And likes taco?

- gosh how we WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WHOLE ENDING FIGHT AND STUFF WHY IS THIS SO LONG

- Goggles PLEASE ouuu

-beating Susan up was mostly for me than for anything

- WHY IS OCTAVIO SO DUM DJHSHHS the dancing thing (funny thing but i died 4 times on it jshshs)

- Anu for soemone who hates violence did a lot of it jsshhehe

- I really wished this would have ended cud ultimate battle felt so flat jsjsje

-,,, whatcha mean I saved Promethea, omg are we gonna get the Rhys ending

- ouuuu and how they end up being bicksrry

- Why 1 year later,,,

- bad ending cus I didn't develop Fran-Anu relation

* tho timm e is so cool

Final conclusions after this for now

- the game has good moments. There is some clever writing here and there and if you realise these characters are supposed to be cringe, it gets better. Tediore soldiers were always a steal and Badass Superfan, Brock, and the couple always made me smile when they showed up.

- I also liked L0U13's design and attitude. Some of his one liners were so strong and cool

- Susan was a villain. Certainly a clever and strong woman but also, often seemed to want to prove to the world she could do anything. Fs for her

- I REALLY hope that the weird inconsistencies I've been talking about with killing is my fault in some dialogues. I'll see if I can figure it out in the new run

- I'll write my review on Rhys' character cus I really feel people kept on saying how he's jack 3.0. There are some parts where the writing resembles more jack but I think it's something we can look at from another angle.

[bravrdm]

poly!bats boys x plus sized black reader headcanons?

Omg I completely ignored the poly part my bad I’ll do another one but for now here’s this

THIS HAS NOT BEEN EDITED AT ALL SO IF ITS BAD DONT JUDGE

Azriel

He worships you body in the bedroom

He knows how it feels to be insecure (via his hands)

So he always make sure to remind you your beautiful.

Fucks you when ever you get a new hairstyle

If you ever worked for the night Court you would be a perfect spy bc ur change ur wigs all the time.

When you wore your Afro out one day in the city the kids came rushing out to greet you and they put a whole bunch of flowers in ur hair

He he didn’t think it was possible to fall even more in love with you in that moment but he did. He loved seeing you with kids

Punched a dude in the face for making fun of ur weight.

He thinks ur hair is really cute

Would try to use ur hair and ur ass as a pillow.

Always touching ur belly and kissing ur arms/shoulders.

{dam bitch why I’m blushing}

Goes feral when u wear skin tight dresses and that one color that looks good on ur skin tone.

Kisses you stomach when he’s going down on u.

When u fall asleep he’ll put on ur bonnet for u and kiss ur forehead.

You’ll be at the dinner table with everyone and he’ll be kissing ur wrist and kissing up ur arm like chill bruh it’s not that serious

He’ll learn how to do ur twist outs and will make sure u never run out of hair grease.

Don’t make jokes about ur weight or skin color in front of him. He will fuck you in front of the mirror/ window just to show u and everyone else just how pretty you look when your cumming on his dick.

Ur sitting in his lap ALL of the time

Seriously

When even u joined the high lord meetings with az rhysand wouldn’t even give u a chair bc he knew Azriel would just pull u into his lap and you would both just sit there

U thought he was lying when he said he would fuck you in front of everyone if you kept making jokes about yourself?

The next meeting he had he had you facing everyone while fucking the shit out of you while his shadows covered the both of you so no one would see.

Sadly the shadows couldn’t hide your moans so u had to keep quiet.

Rhysand chewed him out for it but he also told az he would of done the same thing (they both nasty like that ew)

Cassian

He’s a big man so of course he likes everything big.

No offense to nesta but I don’t think it’s really realistic for cassian to be with a skinny girl 😔

Big beefy men usually go for big girls idk why ask your baldheaded mother.

He would only wanna see u in skintight dresses. (Or naked but that’s another story.)

He would HAVE TO learn how to do ur hair

Territorial asf

One time u had a male hair braider and he almost went crazy

You smacked him and kicked him out

After that he made sure to learn how natural hair works bc there was no way he was gonna let anyone else touch you.

It was kinda romantic teaching him and watching him learn about your hair.

He’ll do ur cornrows and then fuck u.

I feel like he would be more intimate when it comes to doing ur hair.

Like he would light candles and wash ur body in the bathtub and then wash ur hair.

After he’s done he would lay u on the bed and oil and lotion ur whole body down. And put u in one of his shirts

He would have u sit in his chair at his desk, section your hair and twist it up

You’d be so relaxed at that point and turned on.

9/10 im slow fucking him after that ngl.

Nice sleepy cuddle-fucking? Yes sir yes sir.

Rhysand

He tried to learn how to do ur hair but he was so busy and was always tired after his long work days.

But there was no way in hell he was having his high lady looking like shit

So he made a plan and got together the best stylists and braiders in the game for his wife ❤️🤞🏾

He would definitely have u living that pampered wife lifestyle

Im not really into the soft life shit but he would definitely have u living the soft life

Always buying expensive hair jewelry and headbands.

He got u a wet brush with a fat diamond in the center.

All ur hair products would match bc he likes organization.

Would probably have a whole separate room dedicated to ur hair and jewelry.

I’m kinda mad at rhysand rn so no more for him.

[born-to-riot]

I’m here, you naughty little child! I can see you’re very greedy for your present. I like the sinners. Let’s play.

I’m glad we’re staying in Prythian. It’s a wonderful playground of intrigue and plotholes that we can bash our boys around in. Let’s throw our boys into a situation with Rhysand planning another mission. Eris smarms them up and Azriel is High Lord’s silent, broody shadow.

1. Would you like to see more of Tamlin, Lucien, or Nyx?

2. Which parts of the world would you like to see?

3. What rating are you comfortable with?

4. Do we care about Mor?

Let’s put some other players on the field!

HI SANTA

I am a naughty child, this is true

(I may be greedy but I am also patient SO DONT WORRY)

(I am also a gremlin, as you may have noticed)

IM WXCITED FOR PLOT HEHEHEHEE

now to answer your questions

1. While I like all three options I’d say more of Tamlin (and Lucien) but also I don’t like Tamlin bashing (he may be a bitch but like shit if Feyre pulled that shit on me I’d be a bitch too)

I WANT YOU TO HAVE FUN WRITING SANTA so feel free to take anything I say with a grain of salt. (I know I may be a sinner, but I’d feel really really bad if you were stressing and not enjoying whatever you were making for me)

2. I am happy anywhere in Prythian or whatever other place you may have in mind (I must admit I have a certain weakeness for the Summer Court Men) (and I think Amren and Varian are just an untapped opportunity of comedic potential)

However, Santa, feel free to take me anywhere your mind sees fit, I don’t really have a particular vision in mind when it comes to location. Autumn is pretty, Night is Azriel’s home, and there are so many other courts they could take their mission. (Long story short: be as creative as you want)

3. SKY IS THE LIMIT

I’m unsure if you’ve seen my Ao3 bookmarks, or know anything about my preferences (which is fine because you will be my friend after this you have no choice)

But if it gives you any indication of my preferences, the SAW franchise is one of my favorites. (I like blood and danger and gore, not necessary but when used well it can raise the stakes, yeah?)

As for smut, you can make it as kinky as you want as long as it serves the plot lol. With Azris, I don’t have a preference for a top, in fact I think switching depending on the mood is great. I also will never say no to a mating frenzy (I love it when it’s feral and it’s almost like there’s some other power driving them BECAUSE ITS HOT OKAY. I’m also weak to emotional support and soft shit (mostly because I think with Azris it’s a nice breath away from all the havoc of their daily lives and responsibilities and IDK IM RAMBLING)

(I’m a baby tho and I don’t like reading smut about azris with other people than each other so if that’s what is to happen than make that specific type of smut only suggestive please)

So I guess that’s a really long way of saying that I am game for pretty much anything. WITH SMUT it’s not necessary as I care more about the plot. But at the same time, I feel like you have a creative mind so I trust you Santa.

(Again BE MY FRIEND)

My hard limits are incest, scat, and DV(specifically between azris)

4. I DONT CARE ABOUT MOR

Listen usually I’m a girls girl through and through BUT YOURE TELLING ME THIS GIRL LET THIS GUY FAWN OVER HER FOR CENTURIES ALL BECAUSE SHE WAS A LESBIAN (like I know Az is at fault too because buddy needs to learn how to take a hint) BUT like I’m sorry—SOMETHING IS SUSPICIOUS. She wouldn’t be this cagey about the truth of whatever happened with Eris (he keeps saying it’s not what everyone thinks) if she isn’t lying about something. (Acotar fandom, please don’t hate me. It’s just at this point it seems the only thing Mor does for the IC is cause drama) (I may be exaggerating). Point is Santa- I DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HER (I don’t hate her, I’m just not enthused at this point)

5. I’m not sure if this was a question, but about putting other players on the field…

- I’m fine with OCs because I think sometimes canon characters can’t fill a certain role in the story that is missing.

- I also like when Beron has some nuance to him, nothing can come from nothing and sure he’s flawed but he has more aspects to him than what Feyre sees in sure (I guess l mean It probably isn’t as emotionally easy for Eris to kill him as he plays it off) (I’m not saying make Beron a good guy btw, he’s a piece of shit, but I’m saying like hey if you want to add some nuance I wouldn’t mind)

(Also I’m purely just rambling PLEASE I AM JUST TRYING TO GIVE YOU AS MUCH INFORMATION so you can figure out what you need to)

______

OKAY SANTA I ANSWERED ALL YOUR QUESTIONS!

Feel free to ask me more

As I’ve said I want to be friends

Am I allowed to ask you some in return ?

ALSO don’t think I fail to notice you are aware of my sins. Like calls to like. I bet you’re naughty too hehe

ANYWAY I think I’ve yapped long enough, I hope this helps

I would apologize for rambling but I think you like it 😘

[imtheiliad]

There’s nothing specifically wrong I don’t think, I just feel sad more often like the past couple weeks. But I was handling it until today some memories from when I was younger popped into my head, like really happy memories, and I feel almost inconsolable now. I guess just missing certain moments? Trying to find my way through, but it’s like every thought I have leads to the same upset feeling. A reverse maze where every turn you make leads to one place only

oh sweetheart, i have been there and it really sucks <3 my overall short advice/step one is let yourself cry about it. just let it out, sob and talk yourself your feelings, journal if thats your thing, do not let those feelings get repressed and fester cause itll just make it worse and itll get out eventually some other way, and maybe not in an idea way.

what really sucks is that things that pull yourself out of those spirals are the things that you really want to roll your eyes at like drinking enough water and getting outside, or finding a friend to catch up with over coffee and reconnecting with right now, and sometimes doing it will be miserable and horrible and like walking with cement on your feet, but even if all you do is go stand outside for five minutes thats not failing in anyway, you did it and maybe you will do more tomorrow or not, not a big deal! also eating your favorite meal is a good one, i tend to kinda fall into bad eating habits when i am in depression/sad spirals, so something you love and is yummy brings you some joy and feeds you -- idc if its a box of mac and cheese or you order ihop delivery, it feeds you! do things that bring you comfort, be gentle kind and patient. idk where you are, but i know for me rn is the beginning of the tailend of the SAD era of the year, which can be the hardest to pull out from because you have months long shit that has been building up since the beginning of winter, so maybe getting a light therapy lamp might help pull you out.

one thing i have been doing in therapy over the past year is learning how to spend some time and acknowledge those type of reactions, investigate it a little bit, figure out its purpose (its usually protection in its own special way) accept it and thank it. which doesnt mean that it will stop necessarily but the next time it happens i understand it that much better.

also recently i have been loving @/lifeasraven on tiktok, her videos are all about how to structure your day when you just want to rot in bed or if you have just spent lots of time rotting in bed etc -- there are lots of different ones, and while they arent like specifically about being sad etc i have used them that way in the past and her formula really works for me so it might for you.

i dont know if any of this is actually relevant or helpful but i hope it is

[justsomeno1s]

Shitty translation time!

German is pretty close to English, so some things are pretty similar. Using that combined with my handful of German vocab (Thank you Duolingo) I will be pulling apart the four pictures of Peasley being Gay in German from my last reblog. Red for single words/more literal translations, Green for personal interpretations of what is meant, Blue for Something that has the right words but feels weird. Purple for trying to turn Blue from Eng back into German while matching the new sentence.

It seems Peasley's saying something along the lines of "So that's what you can do? Then I say, Pants Down..."

Was is what, Kannst is can do, du is you. Sentance structure makes it "what can you?", but since du is at the end, I believe that would make it more of a statement than a question- Closer to 'So you can do that' instead of 'So what can you do?' ("So du kannst was?" would be my best guess? idrk)

Ich is I, hose means pants (Gartenhose lit means Garden Pants- the pants that you garden in. iirc, of course), so Runter must mean down. I dont know if its a clothes/object specific 'down' or like a "just down the street" kinda meaning too?

"I mean: Hats off!"

From both pictures, there are Sag and Sagen, which I assume mean Say and Said- But I really am not sure about that.

Like, "I say/sag ich" is corrected with "will sagen".

Sagen uses Sag in it, which could indicate a connection? I.E: Write and wrote- Idk enough grammar rules >=/

Theres no 'I', so it cant be the literal 'I mean' from Eng version. Maybe a more specific correction? The same way you say 'Thank you' and 'You're welcome'- Like a matching phrase.

So maybe its something like 'I say' and 'this was meant' Or maybe I'm severely over thinking this whole thing.

ANYWAY!!

This one is v simple! I don't know "Nanu", but "Was ist mit Luigi?" is almost literally, if not actually literally, "What is with Luigi?"

Ist is is, and Mit is with- Makes that one relatively easy, thankfully "

And now into hell. (Its not that bad I just dont remember a lot of words in it ")

Wirklich is really- It looks like Peasley's saying "And really?"

Ein is one , aber is but, and from prior post Amüsantes Schätzchen is amusing sweetheart!

A bit of searching says Tölpel means idiot. (It also called translated it as Booby. Y'know, like booby trap. Hello, new insult ^^)

So, with my limited knowledge:

'And Really! An idiot, but what for an amusing sweetheart!'

If I had to, with the gayness intact, I'd write it as: "And Really! For what an idiot, but an amusing sweetheart!"

I dont fully remember, but I believe that Ein is the masculine version? Like, eine is also one, but when referring to feminine nouns. Then again, its been a year! If i'm wrong, please correct me!

So, yeah! much more innuendo-y and affectionate, but also somewhat insulting.

If I got anything wrong, please let me know! The only way to learn is to fail (unfortuantely, but truely!)

[daggryet]

❤💛

NEUVILETTE IS SOON TO BE HERE HELL YEEEEEEAAAH!!!!!

i wanna pull for him. im gonna pull for him

it's like. i like him a lot, I like his design, I like his whole thing AND his hydro and a catalyst which suits me very well

i only have Barbara for a hydro and while with certain artifacts she makes pyroenemies (like, yknow, the bosses, for ascension materials) easy peasy she's just. she's not it (also like. it's soooo hard for me to ascend her cause I need to kill the water thing for it and you need archers for that AND I AIN'T DOING ARCHERS NO WAY)

i might actually build fischl but like. only after i build my main and sub-team. so very not right now

I hope neuvilette will be good. i don't actually play catalysts that much but I hope he'll be good. i even know what I kind of team I want to put him in, if his talents allow it. my hopes is that he will be similar to ningguang because I like her playstyle. or barbara, cause she's not bad either, just difficult to ascend and also a healer which is not what I want (I wanna put neuvie with yaoyao if it works. him, yaoyao and kuki and like. idk maybe xiangling. she kind of got replaced by thoma because i found his skills worked better for me with beidou. and also I love him and I am not above salivating at pixels)

on that note: you've mentioned you've built thoma and same!!!! im in the process. what kind of artifacts do you have on him? I wanna lean into his defense/shielder thing but all the guides are so confusing

also, yknow what's been in my mind: does anyone main Lisa? like someone must. but I've never seen that

ALSO ALSO: razor and lisa both say "blitz" when using their elemental skills. it's cute (though Lisa's flirty while razors is a scream)

this reads a little like an oldtimey letter lol. I feel compelled to sign off like

"With my best regards,

❤💛"

or smth

NEUVILLETTE IS ALMOST HERE!!!! i'm so excited, will be my third debut character with lyney and kaveh. i really hope i'll get him early since i've only got 19k rn, and i have such a long list of characters i wanna pull for lmao there's yae miko, cyno (for 4ggravate completion, tighnari will come home at some point i believe!!), venti would be nice for crowd control

i've not built my barbara but doing the last banner, i got her c6 so i'm kind of hoping neuvillette will work well with her so i have an excuse to build her. the only downside is that i'd have to fight a lot of oceanids and omg that boss kicked my ass when o had higher level than it, it's kicking my ass even harder now that it's 10 levels above me. even with lyney who is so cracked, i died like three times las time i attempted it, so i feel your pain!!!! FUCK OCEANIDS!!!!

you did remind me of xiangling, i always mean to build her but then i get sucked into trying to get the perfect artifacts for my main team and well. i'm not spending money on genshin, but damn do i feel scammed in domains. so many hp and defense pieces when i'm just farming for my dps

i don't play a lot of catalyst characters actually, wanderer is the only one i Really use and i think that's because he's flying so while he is vulnerable (like all catalyst characters are), he is still a bit harder to reach than normal catalyst characters. but for neuvie, with his design and his va and his personality, i will make a difference and learn how to play catalysts well. i did it for lyney and bow characters, i will do it for neuvie as well.

and for thoma!!! my best boy. i don't have a set as such for him, i read somewhere his shield scales off of hp, so i've just slapped A LOT of hp and hp% pieces on him. if that site lied to me, well shit. i will have to go look for which specific set is good for him, but i've been leveling artifacts so much recently i have like ten four stars left. and his talents are like 2-7-6 i think.

i dont know, i'm suere there's a reddit group for them but i've been thinking of leveling her and building her, so maybe she can be in an alhaitham team with a lot of er and a very leveled burst talent.

also that's cute:') i love when characters have matching lines

[stellarcobweb]

things tht ive been feeling pulled to do/learn fr the spiral (this started with the intent of former sentence but then Things Happened and idk where that train of thought went. ended up rambling)

read house of leaves

learn the most complicated shorthand ever

make a cipher and use it religiously. make needlessly complicated

remake playlists

buy kaleidoscope

linguistics for some reason (language is bullshit. im learning toki pona and asl. i wish i

on the topic of toki pona ve been staring at different writing systems and im feelin particularly drawn to the . sitelen kule. that sounds so fun and so annoying /pos

retroactively associating my sudoku and nonogram obsession w spiral

i really like symbolism. edvard munch is my fav artist bc i feel like i can sink my teeth real hard into his art. also abstract art

............i think ihave dyscalculia and also general sleep cycle and time issues. i literally had an appointment in the middle of writing this that told me i spend like 35 mins under 90% oxygen and def have sleep apnea. wild. also time is bullshit. ALSO i have such insane issues differentiating right and left

sometimes my ability to speak english is just Fucked. hell language

i wish i could use the lunisolar calendar by default tbh. alternative calendar systems are my ideal. my memory is so fucked my brain decides on like. "it happen when i was 8 - when The Mental Illness started, when i was 13/14 - when i first started dating my ex, when i was 16 - when my dad died, or after i turned 21 - breakup w ex and also i can drink alcohol now". i wanna bust out new calendars and have new and exciting ways to figure time out. legit. i wanna b inherently confusing to everyone around me its The Ideal

astrology probably but tbh i also associate that w various others if going off of Smirke's labelling of fears

occasional urge to get into pottery and buy some really nice clay to play with. i wanna make mugs and bowls that i can use tbh. playing w Good Clay in art class literal years ago rewired my brain

want to stare at fractals (i misspelled that as frals for a sec n tbh. real)

my memory is hell. zero object/emotional permanence, real bad memory issues, sleeping is complicated and my sleep cycle relies on the stars aligning and fucks itself up super easy. also chronic delusions. most of this isnt that much of a bother tho tbh . the delusions upset me the most but thats moreso bc i hate being wrong and falling Out of delusions moreso than the delusions themselves. yes i am an angel no i cant explain why. yes sometimes i dont think im one however i am Wrong

bookbinding ....... making a leitner sounds fun. also i want to make an ARG - i CAN MAKE AN UNFICTION/IMMERSIVE FICTION/ARG BOOK. house of leaves style. i feel like itd end up being web/spiral/eye and possibly also /lonely or others tbh. just based on what i like writing about. poss /hunt as well. millioms.

web stuff i want/like doing (theres more here but the Spiral yoinked me into focusing on it instead so. shrug. unfinished)

want to learn to code. no idea what language yet

dolls. just realized i could combine this and spiral clay and make spiralweb dolls. (also techinically stranger too but tbh i dont see stranger and spiral as . all that separate . same w slaughter and hunt not being all that separate. based entirely on how i myself perceive them obvi. i should work on my conpantheon ...)

yarn. crochet, knitting

lace, crossstitch, embroidery. thread

sewing tbh. i get urge to grab various fabrics just as bad as i get w yarn and tbh its sometimes worse bc making plushies is my hobby

[roguestarsailor]

ranting about how hard it truly is to talk to people out here!! and im just not in a good mood today

i might be just sad because my friends moved to nyc and i miss them and i feel very lonely right now! could also be the bad weather too?

i had lunch w head honcho + 2 other coworkers. we do this yearly and its suppose to be a chance for us to talk to someone we don't usually talk to. its a good idea but at this point im more bothered than anything and it feels like such a chore. the thing is i genuinely try to talk to everybody and meet them where i can!

head honcho is soooo difficult to talk to i swear. idk if he's got time to truly dislike me but i don't get the vibe that we're that chill. but anyways, talking to him is like pulling teeth i swear. he recently had twins and so i was trying to ask him questions about that to get him to talk with me! and he gives me like one sentence answers. he's not mean but it's soooooooooo fucken dry. then i'll try to talk about myself and he doesn't really respond!

during the lunch, one of my coworkers was talking about how during thanksgiving his family makes paella every year and he's unsure why they do that and i was like oh i love paella, that's my goal one day to make it. and then everyone, mostly head honcho who was like oh its so easy just do it and i was like but i need to buy the pan and then hes like just buy the pan its everywhere; it's not that difficult. which ok yeah its true if you break it down step by step and theres an abundant places to buy the pan and get the ingredients and i feel like i have to defend myself. when i say these things i dont mean i physically can't do it it means i don't have the energy to do that in the present moment and it's just something i want to learn to do. i hate when they rag on me and make me feel dumb!

not a single question was ask to me and it was just boys talking to boys. its not like sports or anything but just like work talk, sales, and regular family things especially since thanksgiving is coming up. and i just felt ready to leave. it was so unfulfilling and it wasn't conversation that i can jump in to say anything useful. its so annoying.

times like this is when i really need to figure out how to change my language. i speak and talk to people with the expectation that everyone is participating and open them to speak on their own experiences but maybe i do it so wrong that it makes everyone think i'm dumb and need help?? anyways, its the type of thing where i cant fake my way through. how does he have this so often and can't hold a conversation? or is that reserved for other people? i'd rather sit in silence!!!

i had dinner w another friend and it was also awful ok im being dramatic i think it was just surface level. i think if i have to repeatedly say "oh and look at us that's why we're still friends" i think its a bad sign. that dinner was purely her talking about herself and what she's been doing and how she's got all these people she's got to see and call and facetime and dinners and parties and all that. it's fun to see her be so active but the connection was not there. it was me asking questions and then the same thing that happened at the lunch happened here too. i was saying ugh i want to go shopping and i miss just being able to go. she immediately goes into problem solving mode and tells me oh just go shopping and then proposed we go shopping at this suburban mall where she also has a pizza event and i was like ok yes! this is great! but i am also like wait a minute, it's not even stores i want to shop at?? and she also goes oh i won't be shopping but you can and i dont like that because i don't want to be taken care of, come because you ALSO want to go shopping. you're not my chauffeur and i dont want you to be!

actually i wish people would stop trying to solve my problems. there are times when i ask and times when i am just complaining and ranting! and i want you to rant with me!!! i like when people just get what i mean! when i say ugh i hate that XYZ i'd prefer if they said yeah XYZ is annoying and when ABC happened to me i was just as mad. that's what im looking for. i'm not helpful but i am full of complaints and rants!

i feel like i need to fix my language...but i don't know how to hold a conversation well. i don't want it to be just purely statements. it should be interactive and shouldn't we all be trying to be in someone else's shoes as they speak?

anyways im not happy today. stupid russian man was in my brain today because he is interacting w that friend that moved to nyc's strava and im filled with jealousy and rage and on top of that, it's just so much of these surface level interactions and i am sick of them. absolutely sick of them. fighting my demons and loneliness and it was especially hard today.

[soupsopsoap]

Alright everyone, don't tell my room mates, since I promised I would go to sleep and stop thinking about data, but we're doing episode 6 season 1. I hear there may be a chart in this episode, and after the last one I am super excited. Ok lets go

I am actually so impressed by his finger throw, how did he know that would work? uh, should it have worked? I mean he still used his whole arm, and its not just the part of his body that's touching the thing, its everything he used that should break right? Like he just got this thing, can babies flex individual fingers? no, they dont have the coordination for that, he should have broken his whole hand at least but whatever

705.3!!!!

Also! Why is the teacher getting mad at him for breaking his bones? We were just shown two students who get sick when they overuse their quirks, who's to say Midoriya doesn't have a minor strength quirk that he is using to its full power? Why are we assuming he just has a powerful quirk that he cant control? If Uraraka floated herself then launched herself across the field, would we be mad at her for throwing up? Or would we be like "hm, maybe this is too much pressure on the students, and we need to pull back a bit until we the teachers better understand their limits." Because idk, if your student is fulling willing to break all the bones in their arm, I'm not sure our first assumption should be arrogance and unwillingness to practice. I think our first assumption should be that we (the teachers) somehow messed up, because why would we ever want our students to break their bones? Clearly we the teachers did something wrong here and should work to understand the issue and take steps to ensure it doesn't happen again, not alLOW THE KID TO GO BREAK A BONE ANYWAY?

Anyway, song, love it. 1000 out of 20 stars

how does this guy use the scarf like that? Does he have telekinesis? I feel like we really need to know these things.

HE HA DRY EYE WHAT???

"oh man, my eye issues make it hard to use my quirk, hey, did that student just break his arm, clearly he cant use his quirk properly" LIKE BUDDY YOU HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM???

Are we going to send him to the nurse or....

My guy go to the nurse

OH BOY A CHART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh come on, that's just a list, why cant i have all their scores pensive emoji

aw well, guess thats the end of the show. He's expelled.

WHAT?? YOURE GOING TO START OFF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR NEW STUDENTS BY LYING TO THEM???? MY GUY???

These kids are never going to come to him for help because of this.......

i could not handle the stress of this school what is hampening

HE DID WHAT? HE CANT JUST? WHAT? THEY LET HIM EXPEL A WHOLE CLASS? I think this guy just doesn't want to teach...

credit where credit is due, trash man did immediately see through all might's terrible acting.

oh boy, bad teachers feud!

Hey question trash man, does recovery girl's quirk drain people's stamina because it just works like that, or is it because she's not trying hard enough? Would she have failed your assessment tes- actually, wouldn't you have failed your own assessment? Unless you erased everyone else's quirks to get an advantage, but would you do that? At hero school? Would you sabotage all your classmates so you could look slightly better at hero school? My guy? My trash man? Would you?

"I can't just keep getting help from others" NOW LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TRASH MAN!! HES BEEN IN YOUR CLASS ONE DAY!!! AND HE ALREADY IS LEARNING TO DISREGARD THE SYSTEMS PUT IN PLACE TO HELP HIM!!!! NO, HE SHOULDN'T BE BREAKING BONES LIKE THAT, BUT MAKING HIM THINK USING THE NURSE IS A WEAKNESS IS ULTIMATLY UNHELPFULL IN ACCOMPLISHING THAT GOAL!!!!!! AAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES IIDA, YES, CATCH ON TO THE BULLYING! HELP MIDORIYA WITH HIS BULLY! USUALLY ID SAY TO GO TO A TEACHER! BUT UH DONT DO THAT THIS TIME.

Aw, he has friends that's so cute :D

OH BOY THEIR CURICULUM! ok here we go, English, Lunch, Hero Training! Seams balanced. I understand there are other classes, this was a joke.

All might, nothing about that was normal

DJDGJFHJF WHY IS HE WALKING LIKE THAT?? All Might is the doesn't-know-how-to-act-like-a-real-human representation we deserve

BATTLE??? DID HE COME IN TO WORK EARLY TO PRINT OFF THAT CARD??? WHY DOES HE HAVE THAT, HE COULD JUST SAY IT, ITS SO SMALL

OH BOY!!! Magical Girl costumes, I'm so excited

no, no, no, stop, there is so much to address here

Ok, first student I see straight up only has gloves on, who let them do that? Second, uh tail boy? you uh, you ever heard of SHIRT? I know gloves kid hasn't. rock guy, purple guy, uhhhhhhh you with the white, black, and yellow? what are you guys doing? The bird is just wearing a cloak. Girl with black ponytail, no. Stop. You also need shirt. ok, Pink girl. what are you doing? And why is the guy next to you cosplaying a frozen cyborg? Bully Boy Bakugo my guy what if you need to use your hands? Uraraka What? IIDA YOUR QUIRK IS GO FAST< WHY THE FULL SUIT OF ARMOR??? Frog, stop, get rid of the googles, what are those for? Tall guy, What is that. WHY IS THIS GUY ALWAYS STARING AT ME AND WHY IS HE ALSO WEARING A FULL SUIT OF ARMOR? ok, this kid is just wearing normal clothes, oh and so is she. People, come on. Ok, last two. um. Very yellow. And you need shirt as well.

Alright, Im done roasting teenagers and their fashion sense. Midoriya better not be wearing something stupid or im going to lose it.

YOU CAN JUST CHANGE YOUR QUIRK IN THE GOVERNMENT DATABASE? WHAT? FHDJDHGFSDJF

Oh mom!

aw, this was sweet, are we still lying to her about the quirk?

no, Midoriya, I said you better *not*be wearing something stupid. The helmet makes you look like a five nights at freddy's character

ok, no more roasting teenagers and their fashion sense, I mean it this time

YIPIEE! Iida chiming in with unnecessary questions that the teacher was just about to explain!!! Truly the representation we deserve

YES FROG!! THERE SHOULD BE BASIC TRAINING FIRST!! I TAKE IT BACK YOUR GOOGLES ARE THE BEST!!!

,,,this isnt going to end well

Ah yes, the most obvious answer, Midoriya faked not having a quirk and went through years of bullying from his former best friend just to prank you in particular Bully Boy. That sounds like a plan a four year old could come up with and carry out.

Hey, maybe if a guy has shown himself to be violent and reckless with his very dangerous quirk, and is bullying your friend, and they're about to have a mock fight. uh. Maybe. Lets do something. Anything. If you can think of a thing to do that is not stand there and let it happen lets try that.

Sure Midoriya, sure buddy. uhhh lets not do this though

Great, this is now two out of two lessons where a student has risked serious injury or death just because. Hey, ever heard of qualified teachers? I think we should get some of those.

OK ALL MIGHT MAYBE WE SHOULD STOP NOW???

wow, major L for bully boy.

Ok, great monologue. Do you want to die on the second day of school?

Well, that was episode 6. Seeing as Midoriya is about to be violently killed in a gruesome explosion, I figure the rest of the show will be following Bully Boy as he deals with the fall out of killing a guy. Yep, that sounds about right. bye

[ooglywooglies]

back from first appointment today, i uh think i might be getting hormones on the 2nd of July, a little bummed its not IN june bc i think that would be funny, but i mean im kind of shocked at how fast its all happening, i went to like a specific clinic and they were like yeah we got a guy set up we can get this all started in like 2 weeks and i didnt even have any questions

also found this faygo at the convenience store, ive seen faygo before but ive never tried it and i like cotton candy stuff. its uh, i think its not very good but i kind of like it? idk its weird. its not carbonated like at all, i think it would be better if it was carbonated. it kind of tastes like water that had candy soaking in it. or like how that cotton candy body spray smells if it tasted like it smells. im keeping the bottle though its kinda cute

not once did doctor comment on my weight which is probably a first i was like my cholesterol is probably bad bc i only just started exercising again and he was like well exercising is important for any gender

so weird going to a doctor and immediately being on the same page as them, whenever ive gone to a doctor before about other problems usually theres always been a case of either theyre undermining me or IM undermining THEM bc im expecting them to undermine me and it was so nice to go and and both of us go like i trust you to be intelligent. esp bc part of my trans story is "i learned about being trans on the medical channel when i was 7 bc i watched the medical channel a lot as a child" so he was like yknow i guess it makes a lot of sense that youd be well informed then

also, i am american so it gets brought up EVERY TIME and i think its funny but its also kind of embarrassing when someone mentions my accent because i feel a little bit like a cartoon character, part of my brain is like yes im american, yes hamburger bald eagle freedom. i am sorry.

i think were gonna go for butt injection, he was like trying to scare me a bit with how painful it apparently is and i was like i just had the worst experience with needles in my mouth when i got my wisdom teeth pulled recently i can probably handle it, and he was like no i heard its worse and i was in my head like, maybe you dont understand how horrible that mouth needle was it was really bad

either way im not really afraid of the butt needle im not someone who is afraid of needles like literally at all

bit jealous of women getting to have a pill, i know some still get injections but having the option of a pill must be nice on some level

anyway yeah my next appointment is July 2nd and i have to manage to get in with the specialist (which i think is just gonna be similar to what we did today but like itll end with a big APPROVED stamp) and do blood work before that appointment

and were gonna work on top surgery, hes got a surgeon lined up i think we need a psych thing for that for like insurance reasons or something and then we need money (15,000 dollars!!!!!!!!!)

asked if i want bottom and i was like no bc its too expensive and he was like ok thats probably good no one around here is any good at it

[ar1mas]

girl, you aint intruding. you are fueling, and im so into it.

because yes. a billion times yes.

eds a hypocrite. my son so dumb Eq 21. remember the "for some men, love is a source of strength. but for you and i it will always be our most crippling weakness"? clearly we dont give a shit about that! god hes so dumb. and so is oswald, because ed saying that was the thing that pulled him out his mother dying (pure soul, may she rest in peace) depression, and then a season later look what he did. yeah fall in love with the guy who said love aint a good idea, how smart (its almost like love has nothing to do with logic, not that ed would know). and ed? well, im cutting him some slack here.

because at least with him, his entire understanding of love was based off of a set path people take. american dream and all that, wont rant about it again after i did in another reblog.

his understanding of it - its all very mechanical. he doesnt get feelings. he cant. so when he confuses limerence and obsession with love, im like "yeah ok, makes sense for you."

but this set path also means that if by some defect hed fall in love with another man for example, he cant compute. if, for example, he falls in love with someone who did unspeakable things, not just to others but to him, he cant compute.

and the funny thing is that oswald is the only one who could change that.

oswald is the one who guided him. oswald is the one who normalised being a killer. oswald is the one who saw ed, who saw his potential. oswald is the one who unlocked that potential through his assumed death. oswald is the one who set him free again, after he took eds newfound identity away. its always oswald.

ed can learn through oswald. he can even learn feelings. it just so happens that oswald is very possessive about who he loves.

idk if thats why ed shot penn, or if he got jealous all by himself, i just know being surrounded by the guy who loved you and killed your girlfriend for it is prolly not gonna help with that.

the point is, when it comes to feelings. ed is a baby. he doesnt understand feelings, but by being around oswald, by loving oswald, he learns to come to a consensus anyway, one thats not muddled by the set path of love and life instilled in him since he was born.

the entire cause of the continuous bad blood between them - yes, oswald shouldnt have killed blonde kristen, but i reiterate: "the real reason."

the reason why they kept being enemies for so long. ed wasnt ready to let go of this lie. even after 3x15, after which - is blonde kristen ever even mentioned afterwards? i dont think so. ed literally doesnt care about her. he let go kristen, and after he 'killed' oswald he lets go of her too. because it was never about them. it was just about holding onto this lie, and he wouldnt even have dated blonde kristen if it werent for that lie (again, kristen is a bit different because with her it was the american dream + limerence when with the blonde version it was just the former). oswald was right. at some point, he wouldve killed her, and if it wouldve only been to move on from the lie, to finally be himself. because edward nygma, the true edward, the one oswald sees, would not look twice at someone like her. he only would because of the lie. so really, those years of being enemies was just ed denying himself when oswald painfully didnt, like they werent playing on the same playing field yet. they do now, and oh god is it beautiful.

onto oswald. he almost said the quiet part out loud. for me, understanding that line goes sth like this:

"we really are meant for each other." - response to eds line. makes no sense. ed talked about friendship and how penn "had to be stopped". meaning its a response to what ed said in the subtext.

"i accept you for the person that you are" - an egotistical bastard. a spoiled child. wants to have what he wants by any means, without regard to other peoples feelings about it.

"just as you accept me for the cold logician that i am" - someone who doesnt care about other peoples feelings. someone who only cares about his own ego, his own wants, his own compulsive rules.

"thats why this friendship is great" - you and i together works well because we are alike. because we understand each other. because weve painfully seen the worst of each other, and still we are here, in this room, together. thats why i want you in my life.

"perhaps, edward, we really are meant for each other" - you are a selfish child. i am a selfish child. i love you, jealously, and you love me the same. we want whats best for each other, as long as that best means that we are together. we deserve each other.

or in other words: oswald would only say what he said if he knew ed was just as possessive over oswald when it comes to the other men in his life, as oswald is over ed.

and oswalds laugh pre line is exactly what you said. like, wtf happened to "love is about sacrifice?" u so stoopid eddie. moreover, its a "wow you want me so bad its making you act irrationally. youre so dumb, and i love you anyway, bc i get it, im the same."

if you want more of the "you want me so bad its making you act STUPID" thing, i recommend this fanfiction. canon divergence in 5x11 where oswald leaves to save gotham and ed kidnaps him and puts him in the submarine so they can escape. its really good. heres a teasing line from it i love:

"no clinical deductions, no intrusive thoughts, just oswald."

beware, theres a lot of introspection before the funny part kicks in. shouldnt be a problem though, its so good.

- a rant

no because ive watched this stupid show 5 years ago, and i only noticed this now?? how???

ok. some context first. this is about fox' gotham, a prequel series to batman. or at least a potential one with slight changes. one of those changes is the relationship between oswald cobblepot and edward nygma (spelled with a 'y' for mayhap legal reasons? idfk its silly). whats their relationship like in the show? well...

theyre gay af. idk what to tell you.

okay so oswalds gay as fuck. edwards... ambiguous. totally ambiguous. he had a girlfriend or 2 and a half (kristen kringle, the-woman-who-shall-not-be-named (aka kristen but... blonde? this show is weird), and lee. not comfy counting lee, but technically shes one, hence the 'and a half')! very straight, much hetero (on another side note how tf is oswald the gay one, like i know he wears make-up and shit but eddies all about theatrics and showmanship and flair and hOW IS OSWALD THE GAY ONE NEXT TO HIM?? ok anyway).

so oswald was (is. be real.) canonically in love with ed, ed was.........., and 'penguin in love' is a piece of music composed by david russo for season three in which the whole "im in love with my best friend" thing took place.

that song has been used all over season three, as far as i can tell not once in season four, and once in season five.

.....or so i thought.

because yesterday, while in another obsession phase (of which i get one a few times a year. ive only ever watched the show once, in 2019, when it ended. still dream about nygmobblepot though. i dont dream about media, like ever, but with them, its different), i saw 5x8 to satiate my never satisfied craving of nygmob scenes, obviously skipping the main story bc i dont care about that straight shit. i got to the scene where oswald kills mr. scarface and frees arthur penn from said mr. scarface, after which ed shoots him in the head because thats what one does in such a situation, thought "aw how cute", again, as one does, and then realised.

what was that background music just now? rewinds.... oh. oh haha, its 'penguin in love'. how fun.

WHAT.

WHY IS THAT IN THERE. WHY DID THEY INCLUDE IT.

correction. it wouldve made sense to have it here. they used it in 5x5 for the speech about not backstabbing each other (wedding vows for murderers fr fr), so using it again after their relationship has solidified wouldve made sense.

note how im saying 'would have'.

because it would have made sense, if they used it when ed said "i accept you for the person that you are, just as you accept me for the cold logician that i am. thats why this friendship is great." they didnt, though. they used another equally heartfelt song for that. dunno what its called, it sounds a bit like 'penguin in love' but isnt, not sure if that one has a specific meaning like 'penguin in love' does.

so when was the song used? at 36:08 – 36:17. barely ten seconds, right before eds lines, right before ed kills penn.

...right when penn was sitting in oswalds lap because theyd been fighting for the gun and os fell on the ground.

now. the most obvious answer to "why in the fucking hell" would be because ooh this dudes on his lap so sexy, but no. no. 'penguin in love' is about one specific thing: love. the pure kind. the kind that makes you giddy with butterflies in your stomach, kicking your legs, while youre on your bed, writing in your diary about this guy you have a crush on. and oswald and penn do have history, oswald was more or less fond of penn, but not in love (i mean where would he have found the room in his heart if it was already filled with EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD martin my sweet boy EDWARD EDWARD EDWA-). im also definitely not thinking that penn was so happy about being free from mr. scarfaces influence and not having to kill oswald (oh yeah, the horror. who would wanna kill oswald, the guy with the big ego, who never does anything for anyone without some kind of endgoal- well, unless your name is edward of course) that he instantly fell in love with the guy. i can deal with the homicidal kind of crazy, but that? no. thats where i draw the line.

the next most obvious answer is that it was about oswalds love for ed. more believable, since its what the song was made for, but more believable doesnt mean believable. or likely. because even if i 100% believe that hes been loving this dude for so long its not something he has to think about anymore for it to be true, im pretty sure that itd be very random to suddenly focus on that when oswald was just about to die. so no, even if its what the song is intrinsically about.

so next most obvious answer is- wait. thats it. huh? theres no obvious answer anymore? everything else is brainrot? oh. oh well. its been five years, im sure its too late to worry about it now. what the hell.

im sure you know where im going with this. or maybe not. honestly idk what the fuck im talking about-

youre smart. you know what im about to say. if it wasnt about what oswald was feeling because he was otherwise preoccupied, and it wasnt about penn because that makes no fucking sense, then who was this song used for? who else was in the room?

...oh.

YOU.

YOU FUCKING IMBECILE. YOU STUPID DENSE PIECE OF-

inhale, exhale. no. don’ get mad, you know he cant help it. you know hes totally helpless when it comes to emotions. just breathe. ok.

i hate him. i hate him so much.

if the song wasnt for oswalds sake, it was for his. because i know hes in love with oswald, but does ed? does the producers??

'penguin in love' is about oswalds love. its about his love for edward. its about their love, their relationship. its about edward just as much as it is about oswald.

a-fucking-PPARANTLY, I DIDNT KNOW THAT!! I JUST THOUGHT OH YEAH OZZY BE THE GAY ONE HAHA FUNNY, I DIDNT KNOW IT COULD BE ABOUT ED DIRECTLY!!!

(why am i like this? what is my life? i will never be normal.)

ed has always been the obsessive one. first kristen (and the woman who shall not be named is just an extention of that ofc), then oswald, then lee. and as weve seen with kristen, when hes obsessed with someone, he can become possessive. absolutely not on the scale oswald is on, but still. theres a wee bit of jelly there. oh you have a boyfriend? better get rid of him! oh you wanna run away from me bc i murdered your boyfriend? better keep you right in place and- oh shit did i kill you? ono D:

this is a huge oversimplification, but you get the point. its there. or at least it has to be there because why else do you get so angy that someone is sitting in the lap of your just friend because they were fighting and they ended up in that position totally accidentally? like thats not normal behaviour, for anyone, unless you have possessive tendencies.

i mean its not like penn was a threat in any way. "he wasnt the threat, the dummy was the-" like i understand ed told penn about the submarine which was supposed to be a secret, but come on, like they couldnt make sure penn wouldnt say anything. so why would ed shoot him? its not even like penn was a random dude where that type of thing would be very inconsequential, oswald knew him. hed worked for oswald, and like i said, oswald was more or less fond of the guy. penns just a poor little meow meow, y u kil him eddie? 🥺

unless this fondness was part of the problem. unless ed saw how happy oswald was to see him, got annoyed but let it slide, then used penn attacking os and knowing about the sub as an excuse to kill him. and why would oswald being happy to see penn be a problem to ed? it wouldnt be. it wouldnt be, unless ed thinks oswald is his.

which makes sense. i know im calling him names and calling him out, but like. oswald told him he loved him like 5 times 2 years prior, i dont blame him for believing that maybe theres something to it (especially since that was the point of 3x14, oswald really being in love with him and surprising himself with it). but i thought ed didnt feel the same way? because hes very hetero? because he had a full-on girlfriend before, twice, technically? because-

"the truth is oswald, you would sacrifice anyone to save your own neck. even me."

"like i said! you will always fail, because youll never change."

hm. i know this is a bit off topic, but i just got a war-flashback and... why did ed sound so hurt when he said that? "youll never change." "you would sacrifice anyone. even me." why does he care? they were friends, best friends, yes, but why does he sound like a heartbroken wife who just found out her husband cheated on her again? why does-

"honestly you deserve this. you are opportunistic, your loyalty is.. shaking, at best, and you will hurt anyone, anyone, to get what you want."

"and yes, i was not a good friend. to you or anyone. its why im alone. but i saw you for what you are and i valued that!"

...why would edward nygma, the man who literally said "i dont love you" to oswald, be jealous of even the idea that maybe penn could have something going on with oswald? and why would he act on it if hes usually so careful to not reveal his feelings (unless its about kristen. the original obsession, the american dream, the just be normal, show them you are normal, and people will accept you)? he wouldnt.

unless oswald just told him that he knows he messed up. that hes sorry for it.

and unless that made him think that maybe theres a chance.

"love is about sacrifice. its about putting someone elses needs and happiness before your own."

"you gave up your revenge for me?"

a chance... for what?

"life begins anew."

"shall we get to work?"

and if theres a chance, hes not about to risk losing it. not this time.

so maybe 'penguin in love' is about more than just oswalds feelings. maybe they were trying to tell us that, yes, we see you traumatised gay kid, were sorry this is all we can give you, but here you go, eds in love with him too, but don’t tell the channel. subtlely. just for barely ten seconds. and maybe it can be enough.

nope, it wont be. im gonna sit here crying about the injustice of not having them kiss on screen in the finale as was originally intended for the rest of my life. seriously though, what is this, nbc's hannibal, where im noticing something new details every single time i watch the show, causing me to spiral? no, i was already spiralling. the spiralling was the reason i rewatched the scene. the scene simply made it worse.

so yeah, im done freaking out about a mediocre show that was cancelled 5 years ago and is honestly not worth anyones time (like, its ok. it might even be better than i remember since its been so long. i doubt it. but its ok).

tl;dr: ive only now realised that a specific gay song plays in a specific episode of a show i watched 5 years ago and the only reason theyd include it in the episode is if the dude that was not canonically in love with the other dude was in fact gay, they just werent allowed to make it canon, so they added the gay song to subtlely tell us about it.

have a wonderful day, hellsite. dont do what i did and go crazy about fictional gay people. i know you will though, that’s why im here too. i hate gay people. these two make me homophobic so bad, i wanna gauge my eyes out and skin myself-

[wickymicky]

i love the part in the stayc choreo where one member holds another member’s face and moves her head in time with the song, that’s such a cool part right at the beginning of the song

[serenity-songbird]

hey! if requests are open then could you do headcanons of team stan with a reader who's like saiki from the anime TDLOSK? the reader has psychic powers and just wants to live a life as a normal person but literally cant with their dumbass friends (team stan) who keeps dragging them on their dumb and bullshitty shenanigans, idk i just feel like it would be a cool & funny dynamic

also bonus points if team stan dont know that reader is a psychic, and the reader has to keep it from them to prevent their life from becoming anymore weirder (also because they know cartman is probably gonna tell everyone they're a psychic)

It was hard having to hide your psychic abilities from your friends.

I mean, honestly, you're constantly having to use your powers to save their lives on a daily basis.

You're friends don't know your a psychic of course.

But if you had to tell someone the only one you would trust with your secret is Kenny. Since he had powers like you did.

But, I wouldn't call constantly dying and reincarnating a power. More like a curse.

You are able to prevent him from dying mot of the times. But his bad luck always wins at some point when you're gone.

But you still haven't told him you know.

You feel like he'd get really clingy after. And you like your space...

Your friends are idiots.

You love them, but they are complete morons.

You're pretty sure the universe hates you.

You actively will try so hard to not get pulled into their bullshit.

But of course, you can never win.

You constantly have to hear their bullshit whether their lips are moving or not.

You're pretty sure Cartman has a secret crush on Kyle because he gives off a lot of red flags.

I mean watching him sleep, constantly trying to get his attention anyway he can, hating it when Kyle has a crush on someone especially if they like him back, and I don't think I need to mention the literal porn he draws in his noebbook.

(For those who played the Fractured But Whole. You know what I'm talking about. Major red flags there).

But even the. It's really hard to tell, because he also genuinely hates and fears Kyle at the same time...Even as a psychic you kist can't figure it out.

You try not to think about it too much.

Kenny has thinking about some weird perverted fetish he's into.

You hate reading his mind, because you have learned many sexual things you didn't want to know.

You constantly worry about Stan though.

His thoughts are...worrisome to say the least.

Due to his depressive state and previous alcoholism, you keep a close eye on him.

Butters...he's a...special case.

He...He needs to see somebody.

Professor Chaos has a lot of...isssues...

You don't want to get into that one.

Kyle is the only one whose thoughts don't piss you off or make you feel like you have to watch him constantly.

I mean, there are times where he gets sad and self incriminating, but it's a bit easier to help him feel better.

Just tell him he is doing a great job, defend him when everyone else is shitting on him, and tell him he is perfect just the way he is.

Sweet boy needs to hear it.

Although, he does think of a lot of different ways he can off Cartman...you know he'd never actually do it and you can't really blame him for his train of thought. Sooo... *Smacks lips* Yeah.

You could probably trust Kyle with your secret...maybe. But he might completely freak out so you don't take that chance.

Stan...well if you did tell him, he'd probably start to get really self conscious and try to control his thoughts.

That would just turn into a mess and it would be obvious to others that something is bothering him when he is around you.

So no.

Butters is a terrible liar and can't keep secrets for the life of him. So no.

Cartman can never ever absolutely never know.

He would blackmail you with it, tell everyone and their moms about It, and he would absolutely try and make you do stuff for him. There is no way in hell you'd ever tell that asshole your secret. Never ever.

You can't count how many times you've used your powers to aid your friends in all their life threatening situations.

Sometimes you consider not interfering at all and letting them suffer the consequences They are lucky that you are a good friend..

It's really hard to live a normal life with this group of people are always at the center of every catastrophic event that goes on in the gogforsaken town...