#i really dont care if you think theyre just learned helplessness

[sheogorath]

in recent times i feel like i see more and more people let show that they find people with mental illness to be anywhere from annoying to a burden. they frame it like tough love, but when you dogpile a depressed person for having bad coping skills (ie self deprecating jokes), or you mock someone with adhd/autism saying "you people cant do ANYTHING", or you make fun of someone with social anxiety for having trouble talking to service workers. youre not trying to help or push them to change. youre just being an ass.

this goes double for strangers bc a lot of you dont have boundaries whatsoever

[lunar-serpentinite]

assorted hjp headcanons

he takes to guitars like a bird to the sky. acoustic, bass, electric, you name it, he'd slay it

he eventually finds a way to force kreacher into retirement, but still lets the house elf have absolutely free reign in the former bedrooms of his beloved departed masters

harry has this habit of just picking up all the even mildly pathetic/helpless strays he finds on the streets and ends up raising them. 12 grimmauld place looks a lot like a menagerie now, and he kinda likes it

he went to luna for help on how to take care of his newfound animal roommates and thats how he befriended luna's then-penpal-turned-bf rolf scamander

eventually he moves to a quaint little cottage right outside of godrics hollow to be closer to his parents' final resting place. it's heavily warded, fidelius'd, and nobody except for ron, hermione and luna know the address

he never really did like living in a gated community / suburban neighbourhood, it reminded him too much of privet drive

the first time someone mocked him by calling him freak, harry blacked out a bit and the next thing he knew he was standing over a decently beat-up person

creatures associated w death like corvids, moths and the like are weirdly attracted to him. hell, he even found a whole vulture in his backyard once

harry is pretty apathetic about the notion of his own death post-battle of hogwarts. he told luna once that it felt like he was just idly waiting by for death to come by again

differences aside, he and pansy (my characterisation of her anyways) wld bond over being nosy, gossipy little shits

he would've said yes if cedric and cho invited him into their relationship lmao

i dont think hes necessarily a naturally jealous/possessive person. he just doesn't know how to properly have a grip on himself if the few scant ppl and stuff that he considers his are in danger of being taken away from him, born from trauma from the dursleys ofc. make him feel secure enough and he'd be chill

hes kinda shit at potions especially without proper instructions and motivation because he learned how to cook first, and potions deals w exact measurements while cooking is just measure based on vibes

he would make an excellent beekeeper. idk but he just gives me that vibe

harry's vibe checks are rarely wrong but he doesn't say anything abt em anymore bc hes used to ppl automatically assuming that hes a liar

"harry, why didnt u tell us" "you didnt ask. and if u did ask, youd probably assume im lying"

hes a bit of a hoarder lmao he has a small room in his new cottage thats just filled w his trinkets

he has absolutely no qualms in lying to everyone's faces if he thinks he's justified based on his own criteria of justice

he cant dance those fancy formal dances but at some point he will discover that he likes other types of dancing, just not in front of other people

harry would abuse the FUCK out of slang so he can say as little words as possible. his convo partner is confused but he also doesnt like them ? theyre a grownup with access to books, they can figure it out by themselves

[soobpop]

ranting like always my silly diary of pain

feelings aren’t something i connect with easily and it feels so weird when i do it? because like i feel these real emotions? its such an unknown feeling because for the longest when i showed emotions it was “ill give you something to really cry / get angry over” which is fearful? and why i cry in private so so often and have learned to silence my cries because it’s embarrassing? i know emotions and feelings are normal but ive seen to block them out.. so feeling these real things? i feel so sick? and not knowing if feelings are reciprocated are even more sickening to the point i wanna throw up.. everything is so so so confusing i wish i could be my past self i was such a “hoe” not caring about feelings , flirting , “dating” whoever i wanted. my father throwing me on the ground / wall / head-locking me that one day.. realllly mentally regressed me i weng back to the no feelings. barely showing emotion garbage i was. and im coming out of it, which is good? but soooo uncomfy and i hate feeling new things. i wish everything was easier. i wish love was easier, i feel so pathetic craving something real and someone. because i do not deserve it. i really dont. i dont deserve something real or good? because why would i? im not good? i barely make it each day.. yet im the happiest with them? so it makes no sense , and its strange ? because can i even love? or is it all a messed up game my heart and brain are playing on me? i fuck so many things up and i dont wanna fuck this up. i cant fuck this up. i truly cannot i think id die.? god this whole rant is pathetic the more i re-read , god why cant i be normal and feel things normally. why do i feel so shitty for craving them. so so shitty. god what is fucking wrong with me? but i dont care because they deserve 10000 times better and i cannot be that, so ill stay hopelessly feeling like this having them invade my brain the thoughts of something real invade my brain, and ill just deal with it, im used to that!! i can do it?! ill stay obsessing over idols and maybe pick up a better hobby keep me really distracted. i need that distraction so i dont feel like this, usually i end up pulling away and ghosting when i can tell ppl have feelings for me and vice versa ,, yet i cant do that to myself i feel selfish. and i dont deserve this selfishnesses when i know what others deserve. its bittersweet yet ill linger around till theyre annoyed this time just makes sense, easy for me since i physically cannot, god damn ugh this is enough, im so helpless and so pathetic and the more i say that the more self degrading it gets but i deserve it for being me. anyways ..

sincerely

— nikko 💗

hehe like a letter !!

[creacherkeeper]

4, 12, and 15 for bo and erley?

thank you!! :]

bo:

4. How do they act around a crush?

while i definitely have more thoughts on bo gender/presentation, i dont feel like i really have a good handle on his sexuality yet? i dont usually have that in mind going into a new character unless its a part of their backstory or personality in some way, but nothing for bo has really clicked for me yet. that said, i think he would probably be a combo of blushing like a cherry tomato and nonverbal like 90% of the time. totally helpless

12. How do they show affection to someone they love?

bo is very much a caregiver type. and also very much an 'acts of service' type. he'll do chores for you, he'll cook for you and make sure you have leftovers even if he's still hungry, he makes sure all your basic needs are taken care of so you dont have to worry about them and then he'll go the extra mile to make it personal. i think growing up in poverty, he saw how hard it was for his mom to juggle work and adult life with just like. taking care of basic things, and taking care of him. so if he can alleviate those basic stresses for people thats his go to

15. Are their greatest flaw and their greatest strength related and in what way? (ie very caring and helpful but a doormat, or very observant and shrewd but often paranoid)

bo is very selfless. and sometimes thats a good and noble thing. he cares about people and he cares about things being fair and just (childhood role model carrot discworld wooo) so he's going to make sure that people are being treated well and that, if he can help it, they arent getting hurt. but he also just doesnt really realize that that sort of care should extend to him as well, and that fairness or justness includes him. he has a problem when other people are treated poorly. but he doesnt hold it against people if theyre treating him poorly

-

erley:

4. How do they act around a crush?

the boi is such a godawful sap. theyre very romantically inclined. unfortunately for them because of like. The War. And Everything Else. their emotional learning kind of got thrown off the rails when they were just becoming a teenager? and also their dad would NOT have talked to them about that kind of stuff, their mom straight up bailed, and they were raised by a bunch of military barbarians so they never really?? learned how to handle those kinds of feelings?? so unfortunately the historically accurate answer to that question is a) get panicked and run away or b) Metaphorically Pull Their Pigtails And Hope The Other Person Does Something About It And Get Frustrated And Embarrassed When It Goes Poorly

12. How do they show affection to someone they love?

erley very much thinks in pictures and vague notions and feelings, and, again, no emotional toolkit, so they arent the BEST with words, but unfortunately words of affirmation is their giving love language lmao. erley isnt great at initiating emotional stuff, but they do their best to reassure people when theyre upset, or let them know that theyre important. theyre also VERY touchy feely (read: touch starved) so again they dont initiate but if someone wants to like. hold hands or hug they are all about that

15. Are their greatest flaw and their greatest strength related and in what way? (ie very caring and helpful but a doormat, or very observant and shrewd but often paranoid)

erley very much cares about people and theyre very loyal. but theyre still learning what is healthy behavior and what is not. and who is worth being loyal to vs what to let go of. its the reason they stayed with their dad and the earthmakers - they were miserable and afraid but they were loyal and despite everything they did care very much about laran and xander and the earthmakers, and still do, even though recently that has very much been to their detriment. so even though the earthmakers have showed up as enemies in our campaign now, and its dnd so youre supposed to fight and kill people, erley really cant help but still sympathize with them and still mourn for all the earthmakers who died even though they were the enemy and it was erleys own party who killed them. the party just sees them as evil but erley cant understand why they dont seem to understand the earthmakers were people even if they did bad things. so you get situations like. you know. them healing enemies in the middle of combat. which theyre still trying to make up for

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 15

post directory

em: viola teas i am like. incapable of sleeping in

em: i woke up 10:30 on the dot and i thought. what the fuck

em: 10:30 is especially offensive bc it means the mcdonald’s breakfast is done

obsetress: brain immediately said viola up and about doing all the chores vacuuming with no sympathy for her constantly sleeping in snoring girlfriend dani clayton

obsetress: but nah i'm sorry for you that sucks

em: inspiring deranged viola behaviour is

em: the greatest gift of all

obsetress: god so true when u think about it

obsetress: not that viola vacuums, she def has cleaners but

obsetress: actually no

obsetress: she has cleaners but she's prob not satisfied and gets out her expensive vacuum she has no idea how to use and is clattering n making such a fuss

obsetress: and poor dani

em: she’s up and about rearranging things, she’s causing a ruckus,

obsetress: dani's like "you have just as bad insomnia as me and you're just... getting up? that early?"

obsetress: viola shrugs "i don't need that much sleep"

obsetress: "you do, though"

obsetress: she shrugs and disappears into the kitchen

obsetress: insomniac gf and insomniac gf

em: insomnia gfs

em: viola runs on like

em: supernatural element carrying over: viola is a little too good at running on no sleep and no one knows if she ages

obsetress: YEAH

em: i love a sorta, grounded real life show w like one or two unexplained ambiguously supernatural things that no one blinks at

obsetress: i was gonna be like

obsetress: i wonder what dani and viola do when theyre up not sleeping at night and then i was like

obsetress: Well,

obsetress: no they do that but they also do the most random borderline unhinged shit like

obsetress: dani tries new baking recipes and they sit on the countertop in their pjs or underwear or nothing and eat scones at three am

em: go for night drives

em: night drives aren’t even unhinged but they’re nice

em: but they don’t listen to music they listen to fucken podcasts

obsetress: that fuckin lorde song

[em note: it's supercut]

obsetress: they go to the roof and dani lays her head in viola's lap and stares at the stars while viola reads to her in french

obsetress: ugh i put it on oh god why did i put it on

[em note: it's still supercut]

obsetress: in my head.........

obsetress: i do everything right............

obsetress: when you call............

obsetress: i'll forgive and not fight.............

obsetress: ours are the moments.........i play in the dark OH MY GOD VI'S INSOMNIA AFTER DANI LEAVES AND SHES ALONE

em: ur a MONSTER

obsetress: i need to lay on the floor and put this song on repeat

obsetress: anyway um

obsetress: another thought from when i was thinking about the vacuum like

obsetress: viola has a degree of learned helplessness that all rich people have but she's not an idiot like the rest of them yknow and i think like

obsetress: she had to do a lot when she and perdita were kids!

obsetress: after her mom died

em: hannah......

obsetress: and then after her dad died before she married arthur and like

obsetress: then being a single mom (viola lloyd single mom i'm drooling) even w all the help she can afford

obsetress: she has a chip on her shoulder and Does Things For Herself but also just

obsetress: sometimes it happens! there's never enough time and never enough help!

obsetress: and she loves isabel so much like

obsetress: viola making isabel her lunches

obsetress: oh god

em: making her little lunches at like 2am bc it’s been a busy day and she’s tired and she’s sore and she’s sad but the one thing viola will never skip is like

em: making sure isabel gets her lunches

em: hey what is wrong with us

obsetress: GOD YEAH

obsetress: EXACTLY

obsetress: HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS THINKING ABOUT HER MAKING THEM AT TWO AM UGH

obsetress: anyway um yeah viola making isabel her lunches at two am

obsetress: i know that i wrote jamie leaving flora notes on her napkins but like

[em note: read 'and she taught me a lesson alright']

obsetress: i just think it's something a mom who really loves her kid and wants them to feel safe and okay would do so i want to say vi does it for isabel too!!! and what of it they're different universes it's fine

em: ur just building the hannah obsetress cinematic universe

em: building up some Themes and Motifs

obsetress: themes motifs and symbols

obsetress: anyway viola packing isabels lunches she writes little notes and puts on lipstick n kisses them

obsetress: so isabel can get a kiss from her mom

em: im going to kill u w my bare hands

obsetress: cut to vi in the bathroom wiping it off later à la jennifer check

em: im GONNA

obsetress: sometimes when vi has to go out of town for business or w/e she leaves a stack of napkins with arthur to put in isabel's lunch so she can still get a kiss from her mom even when she's gone

em: thats so extra??

em: its so viola

obsetress: exactly

obsetress: she definitely has a fear of isabel favoring arthur over her (abandonment issues etc etc)

obsetress: gestures at canon

—-

em: dani 'its casual' taylor

obsetress: leave the typo

obsetress: dont you dare change it

em: i need u to know that i DO fuck but

em: hgfngjkyhGJBJKFHD FUCK

em: ruined my own joke

obsetress: in the most spectacular way

em: dani 'i need you to know i DO fuck but im accepting offers' clayton

obsetress: she takes care to drop that like

obsetress: it's just casual SHE'S not anything serious. i'm not dating HER or anything

obsetress: jamie's like dani i know you're gay you literally stare at my lips every time i talk

em: dani getting off the phone and dramatically rolling her eyes like 'ex girlfriends, am i right? whats up with these women i-' and jamies like love i get it

obsetress: jamie raising her eyebrows "how many ex girlfriends do you have"

obsetress: dani's like "well, just the one, but"

em: but i COULD have more. if i wanted to. bc i am looking to date more women

em: jamies like ok cool

obsetress: jamie, a little too casually: oh? any, uh. prospects?

em: danis like (patented nervous dani lip bite) maybe but

em: jamies like drat

em: jamies like darn

em: and then she gets home and shes like

em: wait

obsetress: jamie calling dani back "when you said maybe"

obsetress: and dani immediately is like yEAH?

em: jamies like do you think you could ever be interested in me and danis like umm. yeah.

em: jamie hangs up like ok cool

em: long beat

obsetress: oh my GOD

em: REDIALS

---

obsetress: ok last thing i was gonna say

obsetress: i meant to say this earlier and got distracted a hundred times over

obsetress: but um imagine dani helping isabel with her english homework

obsetress: vi helping isabel with her math homework

em: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

em: SOFT

obsetress: well,

em: oh no

obsetress: isabel needing help w her english homework post dani and vi's trying to help and vi's smart n all but

em: get HELP

---

em: dani 'hooking up w my ex is actually a v girlboss of me' is SO funny to me

em: when they get together danis like, oh but havent we all- and jamies like nooo i have very good boundaries

em: except for the perdi vi psychosexual power play ig

obsetress: moment of weakness

obsetress: who wouldn't want to hook up w their hot boss

—

obsetress: when dani goes up to london whatever weekend like friday night to get her closure dinner with vi

obsetress: boom haircut and therapy reveal

em: 3 day bender u say

obsetress: all of a sudden it's sunday night and

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: they spend

obsetress: all fucking weekend

obsetress: in vi's bed

em: sighs dreamily

obsetress: dani playing with her hair

obsetress: "this is nice"

obsetress: "i'm gonna miss your bun though"

obsetress: vi's brain is short circuiting at "i'm gonna miss"

em: later danis like look. jamie. what would you have done? and jamie chokes on her beer and splutters 'not fuck my ex for 3 days straight?!'

obsetress: dani "well you've never fucked v–– oh wait"

obsetress: "you really can't blame me, jamie, you KNOW" jamie: (grumbles)its different... dani: well i mean i guess, technically, you didnt,

obsetress: unrelated in some bad fight at the end vi is like "you can't go isabel needs a–– you're like her–––" and dani's like "a what? say it" and viola's too stubborn and proud and hurt to say it

em: just perpetually bouncing back to the worlds angstiest break up

obsetress: i don't know WHY

obsetress: as someone who HATES ANGST

obsetress: i am so DRAWN to these two

em: its ummmm weirdly cathartic??

em: the whole exes au is based on a joke about them being friends and exes. we are v firm in like. viola and dani reconcile!

em: idk i love a catharsis moment! i love it when a character claws their way to happiness. or even begrudgingly goes to therapy

em: viola can go through a little hell as a treat

obsetress: turns out the only one who could fix her in the end

obsetress: was the one who said it's not my job to fix you

em: dani transformative power of (platonic) love

obsetress: "Platonic"

[tfw-no-tennis]

continuted hxh thotz

we watched more so i continue my ramblings 

so we finished the trick tower stuff and started on the stuff on the island where theyre all hunting each other....wow finally some hunting in hunter x hunter 

can i just say....fuck hisoka i hate that guyyyy oh my goddddd hes the worst. i just feel incandescent rage whenever hes on screen vhbjdshfjhbsd smarmy horny clown bitch. looooord. he invokes a similar emotion to part 1 dio tbh....like i lose my domestication when i see both those bitches 

oh god that part where hisoka had just spent like hours de-hornifying himself or w/e and he looks all crusty and dehydrated and then he spots that old guy who looks kinda ghibli and he just goes AFTER ghibli man....like hisoka literally had one of those wack ass super detailed faces and just started screaming and running at that guy...like man i wouldve died instantly on the spot. jesus 

gon remains best best perfect baby boy. every time he does something so cute and pure that my heart starts palpating, i get even more nervous for the shit hes gonna go thru someday 

gon and killua are literally soooo precious theyre just two lil boys!!! two lads!!! lad boys! augh i love how much theyre vibing all the time...like on the boat to the island when theyre like refusing to tell each other who their target is and then they both start laughing and then show each other....so precious

honestly im really enjoying how they dont really have a rivalry (yet?) - theyre not like ‘yes we are friends but we’re also COMPETING! so we cant be That nice to each other bc that wouldnt be fair! or w/e you know that typical shounen stuff. i only enjoy that sometimes and im glad its not a thing rn, and if it does become like that later i probs wont mind bc i feel like itd be done well 

so ruth and i caught on to the fact that that weird guy with the pins stuck all over himself was illuminati or w/e his name is (illumi? illumini? i forget already) but HOLY FUCK we both thought he was wearing a mask....god i wish that were the case, that face transformation shit was the WORST. sir why can you do that 

also when hisoka just watched this and was like ‘i always like seeing you do that’ or whatever god gross nasty i hate them

my take on the little we’ve seen of hisoka and illumitations relationship: theyre like the catty mean girls-types but Super Fucking Weird. idk if theyre gay togther (probably) but theyd be the epitome of a ‘is this allowed? [gestures at All That]’ couple. i had more thoughts on them but i forgt 

i find it funny that they havent shown killua like at all during this island hunting thing hvbhsdhfbjdk he probably has like 10 randos badges already. i feel like he would give gon a badge or 2 if gon needed them but that doesnt seem to be the case 

when hisoka spotted leorio and kurapika and went after them i was like [guy yelling NOOOOOOOOOOO meme] freal 

thank goodness kurapika could recognize that they would Fucking Die trying to fight hisoka, and bargained w/him instead. also seeing the flashback of leorio trying to fight hisoka was so funny. my man WHAT! were you thinking 

this is probably the stage that tonpa is getting out on and can i just say thank god i hate that guy. good riddance 

that sniper lady looked cool and im bummed illuminty took her out offscreen :( i also thought the black guy with the beehive stick thing was gonna do more but guess not

i find it funny that so many characters have these loud character designs but end up not having a lot of screentime...i feel like ive been conditioned by one piece to see an eye-catching character and mentally prepare to see a wholeass backstory lol

also. illunikn is clearly a huge freak which is probably why hisoka is willing to work w/him, but his design is weirdly cute sometimes (when hes not doing absolutely freaky shit, which....admittedly isnt often)

like the part where he transforms into his True Cat Man Form and then, without changing expression, digs a giant hole with his bare hands (with the body language of a feral person) and then gets into it to nap.....like.....bro. 

also ik illiminini is killuas brother (i think brother?) and wow that family has some strong Cat genes 

i find it interesting that hisoka has been working with illiimini this whole time, hisoka strikes me as a solo type of guy who would be all like ‘teamwork is beneath me’ and only have minions (a la dio, espec p1 dio) but he seems to have a fairly even relationship w/illuimian which is wild. i rlly wonder if thatll last or if hisoka is gonna like, murder/abandon ilubimi later bc he ‘gets in hisokas way’ or st 

i like that kurapika and leorio teamed up....married

i generally really like how the relationships between the main characters are handled, its sweet how theyre just like....generally nice to each other and stuff lol 

also oh my god i forgot that last time i hadnt seen the end of trick tower i need to talk abt that 

KILLUA MY BOY OH MY GOD....ive been waiting for this ngl. ily smug murderous catboy

i love so much how killua casually kills this ~*~scary guy~*~ and everyones like :0 but gon is just like yep thats killua! hes from a family of assassins! like the way he says it so casually and kinda cheery aw i love him. he doesnt even care that killua can murder people in 2 seconds flat, he thinks killua is AWESOME 

and oh my god i love how hard killua is trying like, all the time. he is trying his HARDEST to be AS COOL AS POSSIBLE for gon and thats adorable. its working too gon clearly thinks killua is SUPER cool 

the eternally hilarious part where kurapika asked what killuas secret tactic are re: ripping that guys heart out, and killua is just like ‘uh i just ripped it out. yknow...as one does..’ and kurapika is like wow im glad this murder catboy is on our side.. 

the psychology stuff in the trick tower was interesting as hell (catch me brushing off my psych minor like, oh yeah i know abt this stuff lol)...i like the stuff abt leorio getting discouraged/disgruntled when the majority ended up being against him a lot bc thats true!! thats how it works!! it leads to learned helplessness and stuff like that...also that animation of kurapika and leorio playing cards to explain the tough candle choice was sooo cute 

i really loved the solution to the final majority rule things....ingeniously following the rules while still managing to circumvent them in ways...love it

also gon is so perfect have i mentioned that already

im so curious whos gonna pass the hunter exam, i legit have no idea and i would find it so funny if gon becomes a hunter in the first goddamn arc hjhbdfhsdjbgk as ruth said, itd kinda be like luffy becoming pirate king in like chapter 70

i mean tbf if i had to guess id say gon passes, simply bc i cant see the story taking the time to have him do the hunter exam again in a year. also his motivation is to become a hunter in order to see what its all about bc of his dad - not JUST to become a hunter 

gons fishing rod is so cute. perfect item for a perfect boy 

his training was adorable. hes a smart lad! formidable baby 

the blooderflies were so cool and OH MY GOD how could i forget the part where gon had two blooderflies with little leashes on and had the leashes tied to one of his fingers....OOOUGHHHHGBSJFHSJBFUHEJKSDD bro my heart literally palpated like it does when my cat does something rlly cute, gon is seriously That cute and pure and good

every time hisoka is anywhere near gon i just wanna call the FBI on that clowns ass oh y god. pls leave ladboy alone....

anyways i love the main characters (HISOKA DONT INTERACT) and i cant wait to see what happens next. i might have more thoughts but coherency is not one of my strengths so bye

[lavellane]

💍 📓 💧 🗣️ for Ashara

thank u blue ur a star

💍 Does your OC have a specific item that is priceless to them but may (or may not) be completely worthless to someone else? Is there a story behind this item or is it just because they like it so much?

a few ! she has very few possessions because being dalish she’s grown up learning to travel light, but so the things that are important to her tend to never leave her person ! she loves her sylvanwood ring because it reminds her of her caln/her purpose in a way, though she usually wears it around her neck bc shes a fire mage and. well. its wood so jfdkdfjkd

shes also is super protective of her journals, since they have basically her entire life written into them, plus inquisition secrets and intel and stuff. she also keeps that with her at all times (i like to think that the book on a lot of the mage armour is literally her journal lmao fdkjdfkj)

📓 Write a typical diary/journal page by your OC! (or if you’d rather not, describe their journal. Do they keep one, why?)

answered here !

💧 What makes your OC lose hope, what makes them give up and feel helpless? Have they ever given up on something really important or let go of a dream? What are some of their biggest regrets? Would they ever try again (if they’re able to)?

it takes a LOT for ashara to give up on something. she is absolutely relentless and too proud to ever really accept defeat, which isnt a good thing because after a while it means she will begin going against her own values in order to achieve her goals (ie. in trespasser she was mostly fine with disbanding the inquisition, because she had done what she’d set out to do and she doesnt care about political power enough to hoard it. HOWEVER, after learning about solas shes so furious she goes against this and decides to continue the inquisition, knowing its wrong and knowing its corrupted, just bc she feels like she Needs it in order to Win hhhhhhhh)

im not really sure what would make ashara give up on something honestly? maybe logic and truth?? if she learns something that goes against what she believes, even if its a negative thing, she usually will accept it even if the consequences suck and its not what she wants.

as for regrets, she has PLENTY. she regrets a lot of her crueler actions during the inquisition, like leaving hawke in the fade, sacrificing the chargers and exiling blackwall to the grey wardens (ik thats the good option in game but i hc she was really really vicious abt it fgdjkfjfdg) but i don’t think she puts much value in the “if i could go back” line of thinking. she knows she can’t, and she tries not to focus too much on the past and her own guilt, and instead tries to BE better and DO better for the people she’s lost, ykno? the only thing i think she’d say she wishes she could actually change, is meeting solas (though, this is only while she’s absolutely furious at him lol)

🗣️ What are the most painful words that can be said to your OC to utterly break them? What are the words that you could tell them to cheer them up? Maybe some advice to give them the boost they need!

there are a few elven curses that really mess her up if theyre directed at her ! dirthara ma (may you learn) cuts extra deep for her bc it implies shes foolish or reckless or like??? a thoughtless idiot djdfkjdfkj and she hates feeling incompetent or childish so. dont say that to her vkjfdkjfdkj also “harellan” is a recent word that she takes a lot of offence to. i mentioned it in a previous ask but it’s a word a lot of ppl start using @ her after she removes her vallaslin and continues to serve the inquisition instead of stepping up as keeper after her clan’s destruction, and obviously after her relationship with solas aka the literal dread wolf lol. a lot of people see her as forsaking the dalish (esp after the whole “herald of andraste” bs) and it honestly affects her so much bc she loves her ppl yknow. even if she sometimes struggles to show it in the conventional way. i think the main thing that would just. hurt her SO bad would be someone she love/d (maybe solas or her sister or one of the advisers) saying like??? “you’re nothing, nothing you’ve done matters, you’re not nearly as smart as you think you are and all you do is get people hurt due to your own incompetence” :( :( :(

in saying that ashara could probably be cheered up by like? someone calling her “hahren” bc she LOVES feeling intelligent and respected. any compliments about her intelligence would also be well received, and yea i guess anything that convey respect or make her feel competent. if she were ever to follow any advice it would probably be smth like “its okay to be sad. you don’t have to be angry all the time, sometimes sadness is okay as well.”

[irregodless]

ive just been thinking about that guys antifeminism speech for a while

so in case you havent heard, which you havent because this is only something that happened to me basically, in my class this guy in front of me was talking about how he had to give a speech in his next class too (incidentally so did i, but i stopped thinking about it and reading the book required by class to listen)

everything in quotes is paraphrased so keep that in mind, but it captures the essence

he starts by talking about the class and the speech. some friends ask what its about and hes like “its against feminism” and you can hear the “:/” in their silence

the group is a boy a girl and this guy who later in class confessed to eating horse shit. multiple times.

they clearly dont care much about feminism i dont think but theyre like “thats kind of a controversial topic isnt it! you think its going to go well since youre a man?” and shitmallet is all like “see THATS stereotyping and THATS bad.”

except its not because not only have men talking about feminism (particularly why its not good) proven to be awful, but also, they were justified because he was also awful

and like, i know that feminism can be hurtful to trans ladies and woc, but also, this is real life at community college and nobody even realizes these are even things let alone problems. but just hearing someone say “feminism is shit” immediately triggers a response in me like “I Don’t Trust Like That” to think theres a valid reason. its a black and white way of thinking but its telling when someone flat out says its bad, like, entirely. let alone this guy.

anyway he gives a good like two minute talk about how you should imagine a person in your life, a mother, sister, daughter, whatever, who you want to protect. it sounds like the justification people try to use to try and beg men to care about rape by appealing to their sense of family

and he goes “these are all people we want to protect. and im going to tell you all why you should protect them from....... Feminism” and i nearly fuckin DIED i had to hold back laughter

so this is where his argument starts to fall to pieces. understand im only addressing his argument and its lack of merit here. i think it goes without saying its just kind of generally shit

all like

protect yer womenfolk from catchin’ the Thinkin’ Disease, lads

or

yer womens will know endless untold agony and grief if they learn how shit theyre being treated...

like. as a man. you really dont have a right to be saying “no, honey, im protecting you FROM feminism.” thats kind of like going to pride, telling everyone why pride is bad because it does some things some times and being like “as a straight man i know whats best for gay people”

okay so moving on, he makes the only decent statement he says the whole while which is basically he doesnt like how it furthers the gap between men and women and it turns women into nothing but victims. like. hes got lots of shit missing but hes STARTING to get the point i guess. like. to stop women from being victims. but hes trying to do that by....... silencing the women

i guess women cant be victims if? nobody knows they are???

but heres where we get some fuckin good ol logical fallacies n shit

“its the mens jobs to look after the women” okay so: reinforcing gender roles. putting a gender role on yourself that youll just complain about for being expected to take care of women. you think women shouldnt be treated like helpless victims and should be able to (kind of) think and speak for themselves, and yet, you think that they HAVE to have men there to take care of them.

like can we just think on that for a minute

women shouldnt be treated like they cant take care of themselves. and we should accomplish that by not letting women take care of themselves

like just?????? how do you NOT see the contradiction. i wish i was his teacher. i dont think you can give him a bad grade for having a differing opinion but you can DEF tear him about for not having his shit together

which might nto be fair considering you might not focus on that if it was something you agreed with. but also, consider the following: fuck this guy

but like then he goes on about how “yeah i dont want to like remove womens right to vote or anything, but feminism is garbage now. feminism started off with good reasons [though i wonder if hed been born at that time if he wouldnt say “dont you miss it when women and children were seen and not heard?”] and its this third and fourth wave feminism thats shit.” and then he says, now get this, “i dont like all this nonsense with not wearing shirts and” pause for dramatic effect. “dyeing their hair green and shit.”

LIKE BOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

i like it when women do things as long as its things i like like being guilted into sleeping with me and throwing their lives away and making me breakfast

i dont like it when women do things i dont personally approve of >:(((((

like i genuinely wonder if he thinks that the hairdye is directly related to it, or if hes just saying like. its something that tends to happen around this generation of feminism

but GOD i hope he thinks women are dyeing their hair to personally spite him i can only fucking HOPE

anyway he closes it and the man with a copy of dbz on his backpack and the woman with a uninteresting voice are like “wow i was worried at first but you made good points.......................”

and im just writing half of it down and messaging izzy and justin about it because i cannot BELIEVE

like im just. so lost and dumbfounded at how shit that argument was. and also that hes apparently so offended by women not wearing shirts.

i just. im just. i wish i was in a debate class with him so i could tear him down

but im too lame of an ally to talk out about people in real life because im scared and dont have a chance to prepare which will lead to me either shouting crying or both and not having ANY of my facts together (not that it matters apparently considering you can just say whatever you want apparently)

also he says "men have problems too" and i almost rocketed into the sun

this speech was written by one of the founders of the republic of gilead i swear

[winterywitch]

I just want to say that I really admire the depth you put into your OC's and your confidence in talking about them! I'd like to learn more about them, but I'm on mobile and it isn't letting me search the tags, so... are there any W@tchtower Grotto characters you haven't talked much about that you'd want to talk about?

oh!! ;-; gee thank you.......................

uhhhhhhh gee idk why but it feels like i dont have an actual comprehensive post on who/what nana actually is bc most of my friends know him very well already? so here’s that

hes like... early 30s?? in terms of appearance/maturity, hes the godking of the country in midnight

nana is uh... certainly a rebel at his core thats one way to put it, a lot of core things about him for better or for worse challenge the status quo. he thinks this is a good thing 100% of the time, like he’s some kind of radical rebelling against an oppressive norm on every single norm he challenges. (its not)

he is RIDICULOUSLY people-smart, hes likely an empath and could easily be called a genius when it comes to reading people and understanding how people tend to work.

if he were a dnd character he’d be a sorceror, he casts from charisma not intelligence [though he is certainly NOT lacking in that department]

hes definitely considered the leader of his little commune of kings [involving desiderius, hachi and kyuun], those three tend to defer to him and seek him out for advice [well. they mostly Used to now its just hachi that does that last part]

he sees himself as a teacher and guide to people, which isnt inaccurate necessarily!

hes very good to his people, his country as a whole is doing pretty well financially, there’s a vibe there of everyone taking care of one another! not to mention the fact that its lovely visually

he’s right about most things and he’s comfortably aware of the fact that he’s right about most things. but hes open to being corrected! he cant possibly be right about everything ALL the time!! he just has to consider you an authority on what youre talking about, which is something he very rarely considers other people to be, or he might just ignore your correction. but sometimes he wont, which makes you feel kinda silly for pointing out his tendency for hypocrisy! how confusing. it’s hard to keep up with this one.

he, like all of his colleagues minus desiderius, thinks he is the only Good King while all the others are complete messes who dont know what theyre doing or are just flat out bad people. but like, yknow, its a fucked up dysfunctional family! that’s totally normal, right??1/11

something about him just makes you think “theres a guy who knows his shit,” its probably his sturdy [outward] confidence, his [appearance of] wisdom, his [very real] intelligence and his long list of supporters that make you think that about him

his hair is weird as shit! there are ‘stars’ in it that glow, not BLINDINGLY bright but i mean yknow, they do glow, and where theyre embedded in his hair theres increased physical sensitivity. pulling on this guy’s hair fucking HURTS, even petting it can be uncomfortable if youre not really really careful. not to mention a fucking haircut, good lord (haha)

his parents were kind of like... very emotionally shallow, they were the sorts of people to be like Oh I’m Fine ^_^ at everything, and in subtle and hard-to-detect ways, they would punish nana for showing emotion of any kind (for example, laughing at him when he would cry at sad things as a child). because of this, he is now very open about his emotions and embraces them as something he should listen to and follow rather than only relying on cold logic as his parents tried to have him do. (its a lot more sinister in practice than it sounds, because yeah most of the time it is innocent like this but at the same time, he takes his own feelings VERY seriously and if you hurt them, even if it’s just by having boundaries, he will identify you as someone mistreating him or even abusing him depending on how close you are]

[heres where we get into The Shit, big tw for abuse, csa/pedophilia and “marital” sexual abuse/assault]

his closest friend and advisor arya kurosawa has been his best friend since they were both teenagers. they met when arya was 14 and nana was 17 [in terms of appearance/maturity are what those ages refer to, they were both immortal] and they got along very well.

of course by very well i mean on top of getting along very well, nana has ALWAYS had an inherent, base-level disrespect for arya’s boundaries. it’s been there since they were teens, and it mostly manifested in nana pressuring arya to do [mostly innocent - but the pressure and coercion made them not so innocent] things he was scared to do.

they were inseparable pretty much ever since they met and VERY, very in love with each other

they definitely were a romantic item by the time nana inherited the throne from his mother, and the age gap was definitely concerning but it only grew more concerning as nana’s mental/appearance age rose because he was growing up emotionally and psychologically and arya’s... stagnated.

when nana was in his early 30s so to speak, arya was stuck at 14-15 or so. and like... they didnt really see anything weird about that, they figured “well we both met when we were kids so its not like nana is a pedophile or anything, why question something so good?”

to someone who didnt know better wrt age gaps in romantic relationships and pedophilia, the relationship between those two would have looked completely normal and healthy. there was certainly an appearance of mutual respect, support, love and commitment

nana could only treat a 14-15 year old so much like his equal. to be totally honest, even since they were teenagers, nana treated arya like his inferior, like a student that needed to be taught, and that dynamic only grew/got worse as nana aged mentally.

but at the same time arya also taught nana so many things! see? nana wasn’t some condescending prick! obviously everything is fine. there were a lot of ways sometimes in which ARYA was the adult and nana was the child ^_^ so it’s equal, right?

arya certainly didnt know any better, nana was the love of his life and that was all there was to it. he knew [because of nana] that any discrimination they might face due to their ages in this relationship was simply unfounded, cruel bigotry from a species of essentially cavemen who were afraid of fire. he knew he was progressive for his time, in a couple decades probably everyone else would come to their senses too!

long story short, one day arya very quickly, almost violently realized EXACTLY everything that was wrong. nana’s condescending behavior had come to a head and someone arya considered a playful rival had forced him, very painfully, to face the truth of what this relationship was: abuse from a man who should know better, taking advantage of a boy who didnt.

arya couldnt exactly love nana after realizing this. and it really fucking sucked. he really wanted to go back to the way things used to be, he wanted to “undiscover” what he’d discovered, but there was no way back and he felt so broken and dirty and ungrateful and bratty and selfish for suddenly feeling this way.

nana on the other hand noticed arya very suddenly averse to being touched or held or even looked at. for a while, he was very understanding about this - what that playful rival did was essentially cast a spell and at first he thought arya was just sick or physically not well or something, and that he’d get better soon.

he didn’t.

nana didn’t know what to do. suddenly arya was neglecting him, acting like he was terrified of nana. he’d never been like this before, what happened? it’s incredibly painful and confusing, losing the love of your life like that; one day you’re everything to them, and the next they’re flinching every time you raise your hand around them. nana had never hit him or abused him verbally... in fact, it was nana who HELPED ARYA gain the strength and courage he needed to become independent from his emotionally abusive parents. so why was nana suddenly the bad guy? he had no idea what happened, why, how to fix it, or anything like that.

eventually he snapped, unable to take being deprived of love and attention like this, so he just took whatever he wanted, physically, not caring what arya thought of it.

he knew it was wrong. he knew he’d definitely crossed the line into objectively unforgivable actions. but he was almost too afraid to stop and relinquish this power over arya, because then he had to A.) lose arya, and B.) be held accountable for his actions. both two very terrifying things he saw no personal gain in.

that went on for a long time, until nana sort of... slowly realized he was feeling weaker and weaker, more prone to physical weariness dizziness, severe headaches and nausea, and he didn’t put 2 and 2 together until it was too late.

arya had figured out how to start poisoning him and getting away with it.

by that point, nana realized not just what was happening and why, but also that he unquestionably, factually deserved this pain and much, much more. that realization was too much for him, it sort of broke him psychologically for a very long time, leaving him completely helpless to whatever revenge arya decided to take on him

[it was all physical and psychological torture, but arya was certain NEVER to stoop to his level and sexually abuse nana. he couldnt even think of sleeping with nana “consensually” anyway, it made him horribly sick to even consider]

eventually after a long-ass time of this, arya just got sick of looking at nana and couldn’t even be around him anymore without feeling absolutely god-awful, so he just abandoned nana, leaving him to fester in his broken body and mind

and y’know, stuff happens after that, but thats all there really is to the most prominent phase of nana’s development in THIS story. i also play him in his phase of development after that last bullet point [roughly 200 years later], where he’s fucked up in all kinds of ways and totally deserving it, but also trying to... not really redeem himself or anything like that, he knows that’s not really a thing, but rather to make himself useful to good people who want to do the right thing, in a dnd campaign

nana goes through a SHIT TON of changes, to the point that each phase of his development has his own individual profile on toyhou.se, he’s become a Big Trauma Coping Character for me and somewhat an experiment in redemption arcs, seeing what exactly should happen and how to make “redemption” arcs seem not cheap or forced

here’s the one i talked about in this post though

http://toyhou.se/335049.nana-of-the-stars

[greentech-genetics-blog]

OK SO YEAH THE RAILROAD AND COURSERS AND WHY ITS ENTIRELY LOGICAL TO DISTRUST THEM.

Ok So like im not saying that its necessary to kill them. It can be avoided because honestly yeah save every synth and since coursers catch them killing them is good right? One less courser and a few more safe synths right? YOU ARE WRONG. Coursers are replaceable so really killing them is doing no one any favors because where one falls you can get a whole new set to take that place.  THATS NOT WHAT IM HERE TO TALK ABOUT HOWEVER. I am here to talk about the not really helping out coursers thing. This is gonna get unnecessarily in depth and is totally based on how i have taken the info given to us about them.

Ok so first off lets look at synth treatment as a whole. Theyre treated as machines and not people. no one in charge of them treats them with human decency or like they have feelings and shit or whatever becuase they want to be able to use them for things you would never do to any person. And for most of the synths created that inhumane treatment is HARD LABOR or experimentation. These are all horrible in their own right and are good reason to run away. no one likes being used and most will believe that they deserve freedom from something this dull, strenuous, tiring, painful and difficult. Painful in the sense that it is the work that causes the pain.

Now, were looking at a group of ppl who see the synths as things that NEED NO HUMAN TREATMENT. So lets look at the courser training. Its mentioned that they pick some random folks from their jobs and put them through training. and if you remember synths are just people. just people not emotionless machines as they want to believe. So these people are given training. Training given to them by people who do not care to act like theyre people, training that is supposed to make them emotionless, training that if they pass they enter a life of horrifying surface work but if they fail they get reset and lose themselves, a fear they share with regular units as at the time of training thats what they are. The difference now though is that im at leat 90% parts of courser training are actual literal metal and physical torture. X6 makes a comment about being trained for “every combat situation” and I doubt hes the kind to say that but not mean it exactly as he says it. Every combat situation you can imagine he knows what to do. Tied to a chair in a dark prison cell having the shit kicked out of you? trained. Having to go up against a ton of supermutants and deathclaws all at once? trained, held down by a mob of gunners with no chance for escape unless you can come up with a damn good plan fast? trained. So yeah, probably not situations that fuckin specific but they have to take all wasteland life into account when making the training course. And theyre not taking mental or physical or emotional limitations into mind. well maybe some phsical but those other two are not relevant. These guys have been tortured into loyalty not JUST brainwashed like some normal units. Theyve been shown that the institute can and is willing to hurt them at the drom of a pen and wont give a shit to do so. If someone beats enough shit out of you and youre helpless to stop them youre a little less likely to run away when you know others like you are going to drag you back to that than someone whos only ever gotten the “were gonna reset you” threat. 

Like yeah, normal units got it bad in a sense that they are over worked and have the threat of being reset over their head but no one ever sat them down and pushed them to the point of such pain that they learn to stop feeling all together. I mean again, the courser training has to be awful enough to really do a number on a good fellow since they HAVE TO reset the units that fail. They realize that the mental toll it takes is too big a burden to carry but wont say that.

So now takE all these terrified folks and introduce them to people who are trying TO STOP THEM FROM DOING WHAT THE PEOPLE WHO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM TOLD THEM TO DO. the railroad. Most, not all, of them are going to be unlikely to cooperate. They have seen the full extent of not only the institutes cruelty and power but their own and others like them. If they were to run another courser would come for them, and being coursers they might send more for a courser. They know what the other coursers can do and its not pretty. theyre relentlessly violent like theyre supposed to be and honestly no one wants to fall victim to that.

I Think the railroad probably realizes that. Theyre like cornered creatures. Come out swinging or get fucked over. they know after observing themselves that coursers WILL COME and WILL GET THEM and will do a damn good job at it. Running away is pointless, or at least thats what the institute had beat them into thinking. 

See now still though, theyre still people. so some of them are not gonna give a shit what the institute said or did. They will leave and be fine but the railroad cant really know if they really are ok because SO MANY of them are not like that after suck intense and rigorous torture. Its not that theyre bad, all of them I mean its just theyre too big a risk for such a small time group like the railroad. Its like asking a bunch of untrained rookie fighters to go up against literal fucking Wasteland Ares that wants to kill them all normally and try to form a friendship or trust. its possible one might be chill and cool but also. man. if theyre not and theyre just faking to get closer to you or some shit then what? you just die and thats one less railroad member. and thats one courser who can now go home and snitch on your dumb ass. i think a good comparison would be that story. scorpion and the frog or some shit. if you dont know it google it or something im moving on from that.

So yeah, its safer for synths that the railroad is not snapped in half by a shady bitch courser. Yeah a few coursers are gonna suffer becuase of this but if the railroad is destroyed by wasteland ares then whos gonna help the synths now??? no one thats who everyone else wasnt them dead.

[catchmeiimfalliing]

tips for self-confidence?

if any of y’all have some advice or words of wisdom they’d be appreciated right now. boring blabber under the cut

Lately I’ve been zoning out a lot and I usually end up ruminating. There’s a TL;DR at the bottom.

and usually i just start thinking about how when I think about it I don’t have any great skills? like i thought i was good at singing but i mean, i can carry a tune fine but nothing special. and my chest tone isn’t great and i dont have a lot of power and i can be pitchy so half the time it doesn’t feel worth it to try

i like playing piano but i never actually learned so even though i can learn stuff eventually it never actually sounds good and i only do it alone bc i fuck up a lot

and i get okay grades i guess but my work ethic is shit and the work is never as good as i want

and anything that i’m kinda good at like im learning german and i do well in hydrology labs and stuff it generally feels really useless around other people bc its so niche and typically no one really cares.

i think im okay at cooking but it doesn’t matter cause i dont usually eat very healthy and also im the pickiest eater in the world so i feel like shit most of the time when i think too hard about food. i wish i liked more stuff but i just get so much anxiety around eating new foods or even worse for stuff ive tried and dont like and that sounds so childish i know and i feel so bad about it but fight or flight kicks in

i dont feel like ive dont anything good or helpful or interesting with my life. like i’m starting to, now, bc im less scared maybe?? like i skate now, and i tried going to the gym, and i might even be willing to go camping this year. but i feel ashamed and sad and embarrassed that i didnt volunteer or get a job in high school and i dont even drive yet because it scares the living shit out of me

and i hear other people like ‘i have this great wardrobe bc i save money and then go and buy things that look good together!!’ and im like i wear cat ears like a fucking freak

i hear people like “oh yeah i worked at this place for a while and learned a lot and now i have these great life skills that helped me get my current job!!” and im like “i sold burgers once.”

and theyre like “oh man i want to change the world” and i just feel so helpless looking at people who have their shit together what with their ambition and their organized sticky notes and their LACK OF DAILY MENTAL BREAKDOWNS and i just feel really worthless compared to everyone else

and to top it all off (they might even see this but hey whatever) i don’t want to just call friends or w/e. i feel like me being like this is just the norm, and that im really fucking annoying for being a whiny little bitch all the time. its like “well damn, Jay’s crying again, what else is new.” and i know they dont really think that but im terrified of being the annoying friend who has too many problems. i’m scared of being all “attention seeking” and like, we all had problems last year and that sucked, but i feel like im the only one still struggling a lot now, and the only one who hasn’t just learned to deal with life

i feel like this all the goddamn time but i dont wanna just go to someone every time im all ~sad~ again. im sick of this but last time i tried to get counseling or whatever it didnt end up helping at all and i don’t know what to do. im trying to just go about my business but it’s hard to get anything done when your crippling mediocrity and existential dread is staring you in the face

the days seem to just pass by, and it’s just a cycle of dreading things and looking forward to things but i’m scared that I’ll never be content with anything or confident in myself.

If you actually read that thank you so much for listening <3 and im sorry to be a drag

TL;DR: i’m frustrated by my lack of experiences or life skills or worthwhile talents and am sad a lot but i’m scared i won’t be able to grow and deal with this and ill be stuck in this anxious spiral that holds me back forever