#i really don’t understand wasting the energy on actively hating or disliking her

[bunnyrafe]

agree with the anon who defended sofia i loveee the idea of rafe in a relationship or getting involved w a girl. gives us more chances to see how he acts, treats her, etc. think it'll be good!!

[resinatingbeauty]

Real Talk Time #RTT - On Political Correctedness, Oppression, Freedom, and Segregation

I know I'm probably going to catch a lot of flak for this post because people won't actually read it. They'll pick out some tags, words, and phrases they dislike or are 'triggered' by and start typing a 15 page rant in the comments that, HEADS UP, I'm going to actively ignore so please don't waste your time and energy (ranting, that is).

Some of you may already know a bit of my back story growing up. I moved around a lot as a kid because of my father's job as a Field Technician for fishing tournaments working on outboards for the fishermen. While I rarely saw my grandparents and extended family (if at all, some of them I didn't physically meet until we moved back down to FL and re-settled in 2000), they were really the ones influencing my mother's decisions on how to handle issues and changes in me when I was growing up.

When those changes went from reading all the Bibles that were thrown at me since I was old enough to read to wanting to read the entire New Age section at Barnes & Noble, everyone got real weird. My parents were never religious and openly allowed me to explore my spirituality. The rest of my family was hyped up by the Satanic Panic of the 1990's. As my mother and I were together most of the time my father was away, we had it out often because of that oppression that was a result of my relatives breathing down her neck. I know now that my mother always meant well.

Unfortunately, everyone else had to die before I could actually be myself.

This caused profound depression as I grew into my teens, developed addictions, attempted to make friends that I couldn't have over because they didn't fit the mold which lead to more alienation and depression. I never understood why until I hit my twenties and already practically destroyed myself in the process. My parents and I have a good, even great, relationship now. The misunderstanding and confusion took several years, even decades, to overcome. I destroyed other relationships and myself in that process, doing things I am not proud of but do not regret, as these experiences made me the person I am today. Far more strong, confident, and fearless than I was before.

At the same time, I absolutely refuse to be oppressed. I will fight to the death for your freedom to express yourself even if I don't agree with anything you say or stand for. You are allowed to be you and I accept our differences. I'm not going to silence you because I don't like your presentation or fundamentals, nor am I going to attempt to change the way you speak or behave. It's really not my problem.

This response is directed toward anyone who is offended by someone's word choice when they had meant no offense.

Let me be simple. My friend was dating an asexual biological female who would change gender pronouns daily. On a whim. Whichever they felt like at any time. I can't keep up with that. I'm not naturally inclined to call you an 'it' or a 'they' either. I'll do my best to appease you and keep the peace, but YOU cannot expect others to change the way they speak, think, and behave because, well, because you did. That was your choice. If you would like people to respect this choice, then you should be tolerant of their choices in turn. This comes down to intent. I grew up speaking this way. Perhaps another generation of children will speak differently, but until that happens, my conscious effort to accomodate you should be evidence enough that I care enough to not say the wrong thing or hurt your feelings.

If I accidentally called them a 'he' on a 'she' day, they would get mad. It was my mistake. I really wasn't too invested in a relationship with this person either, I just tolerated them because my friend was in a relationship with them. I would apologize, but it was admittedly an ongoing problem that left me feeling actual relief when they broke up. That's a shame. Rather than having empathy for my best friend who was just dumped, I was relieved I didn't have to worry about which gender pronoun this person wanted me to use at any given time.

Don't misinterpret my words about choices, either. They may not have chosen their sexuality or preference (I don't think anyone does) but they DID choose their gender pronoun confliction. I understand that you may find 'she/her' offensive if your true self is really a 'him', but unfortunately, we don't have any other words to go with in English other than 'they' and I feel like I'm referring to someone with DID (dissociative identity disorder) when I say this as in you have multiple people living inside you, which to my knowledge, they did not.

Words are words. They mean nothing without a clear intent. The same logic can be applied to the now controversial term 'baby witch' in the New Age/Neo Pagan community. Ironically, I remember people who similarly hated the word 'witch' all together. Naturally, I wouldn't use that word to refer to them at all. But when you look at identity and labels, subgroups, denominations, etc. These terms serve to identify you as part of a collective. If you're new to the concept and practice of Witchcraft, then you may find the term 'baby witch' helpful, as these articles, kits, books, blogs, etc. Are catering to those who are new to The Craft and written / designed in a way that is typically easier to execute or understand.

While, some elitist butthole could use the word to insult you, I have yet to see this. The internet has invented this culture of politically correct oppression that asks for freedom of speech but only as deemed appropriate by the proponents and THAT is censorship. *hiss* BAD.

We will never be able to move beyond segregation and overt differences until we move beyond using terms like these to identify ourselves as part of a collective. While some may be derogatory and offensive, and some may hurt and were meant to hurt and cause anger, I believe it is your right to speak freely and your words aren't as important as the motives and intentions behind them. Who isn't guilty of a poor choice of words? Nobody. Will there always be someone there to point out that poor choice? Yup. But should we all tread egg shells around each other, worrying about what random term will offend whom today? No.

Let the word fascists and PC renegades spit on me and tell me I'm wrong. You are allowed to and I have tough skin. I will defend your ability to tell me I'm wrong until the day I die, but I will never defend oppression, no matter how well meaning you believe you are. The fantasy world of rainbows and unicorns you have in your mind may as well be a world where no one speaks at all out of fear.

I know what it felt like to be told for over ten years how to dress, act, talk, and behave. I could point out other historical examples of cultural oppression like slavery, but that's an entirely different discussion that will probably go in the same direction. Oppressing one's manner of expression is just wrong. In an effort to be right, we have committed so many wrongs. So let's just all agree to disagree and accept those differences. Accept that yea, we are going to say and do dumb things. And with that acceptance, when we inevitably say and do dumb things, I beg you to ask yourself, "What was the intent? What was the actual motive here, if there is one at all?"

I think one day, we may be better than we are now. This just isn't the way about it.

EDIT- I also think that a lot of this is created by pundits who are trying to covertly censor everyone without active censorship. Me? Paranoid? Yes. I am.

[flirting-with-psychology]

Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? Yes

Did the last person you kissed celebrate your last birthday with you? He was celebrating thanksgiving with his parents during my birthday but he called me

What’s the first word of the last text message you received? I

Do you think you’ve changed at all over the past year? I’ve gotten more anxiety and gotten fatter

Is there a song that reminds you of your ex? Do you still listen to that song? I Almost Do, Red, and If This Was A Movie (all by taylor swift). Yes I still listen

Did you tag anyone in your last Facebook status? Not in the post I shared, but in my last original post I tagged my boyfriend

How do you behave when you’re drunk? Usually giggly and overexcited

What is your least favorite type of chocolate? White chocolate

When was the last time you felt disappointed? What was the reason? Disappointed that the gym won’t let me cancel over the phone and might still charge me for february

Is there someone that can make you smile, even when you feel like crying? Not always

Is there a certain person on your mind right now? Tell me about him/her. My boyfriend

You’re getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up, what do you do? Get into bed with him

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Being annoyed at my dad’s snoring through the walls

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Maybe

Are you okay right now? I haven’t been okay this whole year

What time did you get up today? Like 1:30

When was the last time you saw your mom? The other day

What is the last thing you drank today? Water

Do you dislike/hate anyone? Donald trump and Mitch McConnell

Where is your best friend right now? At home I assume

When will your next kiss be? As soon as we get negative test results

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? No

Does anyone completely understand you? No

Who was the last girl you hugged outside of family? I don’t remember, it’s been a long time

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? No

What will you be doing in 3 hours? Probably wasting time

How often do you straighten your hair? Never now, I used to when it was short

What are you currently looking forward to? The costume sale that hopefully I will be able to go to

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day? What are you going to do? Lol probably not

Who did you last hang out with? My dad

Did anyone see your last kiss? No

Could things possibly get any better? I fucking hope so

Do you know who you’ll even kiss next? I assume it will be my boyfriend

Do you ever sleep in jeans? No, that sounds really uncomfortable

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? Stress

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? No

Are you in love lately? Not sure

How often do you see your ex? Rarely

Who was the last person to text you? My boyfriend

Did you like anyone last summer? Yes, my boyfriend

Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Yeah

Who was the last person you stayed up with till 2am? My boyfriend

Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? I enjoy having one

Are you currently in a relationship? Yes

Do you use a full length mirror daily? Most days

Would you be shocked if the person you have feelings for texted you? No

Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? I would like to reconnect with my friend Shaina

What are you planning on doing after this? Idk

Is there a girl you would do anything for? No

Who IMed you on facebook last? My mom

How old are you? 26

Do you love dogs? Yes

Were you finished childhood and teens when Harry Potter movies came out? No, they started coming out when I was in elementary school

Did you keep all your VHS tapes? Probably

Do you think Jack Nicholson is a good actor? Yeah I think so

Have you ever watched an episode of “The Honeymooners”? No

Have you ever owned a pair of high-top Converse? No

Do you have rain boots with a cute pattern on them? I have cowboy rainboots

Would you rather eat an apple or an orange right now? Apple

Would you rather do a cartwheel on land or a backflip in water? If I could do either of them, a backflip in water would be cool

Have you ever performed on stage in front of people? Yes

Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? Not scared, just didn’t have anything in common with them

What size is your mattress?(single,twin,double,queen,king) Full size

Do you eat foods from all 4 food groups everyday? Lol no

Do you sleep in PJs? Yes

Do you prefer watching TV or listening to music? Watching TV. Listening for music needs to be accompanied by another activity

Would you rather watch a movie in theatre or at home? Theater is fun, but right now at home

Do you prefer brown or white rice? White

Do you like spaghetti? I love spaghetti

What about lasagna? No, I don’t like red sauce

Do you celebrate Christmas? No

Is your Thanksgiving celebrated in October too? Who does that?

Do you like chocolate bars? Yes

what about ice cream? Mostly, although sometimes the plain flavors are boring

Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? Wasps a few times

Do you get tired easily? Only in the morning

Or do you always have plenty of energy to spare? No

Have you ever done volunteer work? Where? I volunteered as a teaching assistant What about court-ordered community service? No

Have you ever worn contacts?(even just to try them out) I tried but it made my vision all swimmy

Would you wear contacts on a daily basis? Maybe if I got some that worked

Are your ears pierced? How many times? One on each ear

Do you have GOD-GIVEN(not dyed) natural brown hair too? I have natural brown hair but I don’t believe it’s god-given

Or were you born blonde? No

Have you found a gray hair on your head or body before? I don’t think so. Both of my parents kept their hair color for awhile so hopefully I got that gene

Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? Yes, on my arm

Have you ever been screened for STDs? Yes

Are all your wisdom teeth pulled? Yes

Did you have your tonsils taken out? No

Did you have your appendix taken out? No

How many kidneys do you have?(have you donated one?) I have both of them

Would you(to save someone)?^^^ I'm not sure. If it was someone I loved and there wasn’t one already on hand, maybe

Have you ever found a bug or slug in your salad? ewww no

Do you like Harry Potter? Yes

What about Twilight? It was ok, I liked it at the time I read it How do you feel about Lord of the rings? I like the movies

Are you going to see ‘The Hobbit’ when it comes out? I did

Do you have a glass that says 'Molson Canadian’ on it? No

Do you have any collector’s glasses or cups or mugs? I have a bunch of shotglasses from places I visit

Would you rather have a white fridge or a black fridge or a stainless steel fridge? Stainless steel

What size shoe do you wear? 7.5-8 womens

Do you have a wide foot or a narrow foot or just average? Kind of dorito-shaped, so some shoe types just don’t fit

Do you bite your nails when you’re stressed? No

Do you have to take an allergy pill daily in order to live normally? No

Are you on the birth control pill? No

Or are you trying to get pregnant? I’m trying not to get pregnant, but I use condoms instead

You’d rather wear black sneakers or sneakers in a bright color or pattern? Probably bright color

Has anyone ever told you they were attracted to you? Yes

Can you swim well in water way above your head? Decently

Are you afraid of thunder & lightening? No

Have you ever experienced an earthquake? No

What about a tornado? No

Are you closer to your dad?(more so than your mom) I’m probably a little closer to my mom

Were you your parents’ first born? Yes

Do you have a child? Is the father still with you? No

Did you trade stickers at recess when you were a kid? No

How old were you when you had your first crush? Do you remember their name? I was like 5 the first time I put a word to it and his name was Aidan, but I probably had sort-of crushes even before that

Can you even remember what the hell they looked like? Blond, bowl-cut at the time. He actually grew up to be really hot so I guess I knew how to pick em

Have you ever operated any type of motorized vehicle before? A car

Are you going to drink alcohol tonight? Maybe

Have you ever heard of the Canadian kids show called “Mr. Dressup”? No

What about the kids show “Fred Penner’s Place”? No

Did you hate Sesame Street when you were little too? A little

Were you born perfectly healthy or with some(or a lot) of health issues? I might have had some minor things

Do you collect DVDs? Not as a collection, but I buy movies I like a lot

Do you download music? Yes

Or do you still go to stores and buy CDs? No, those are like twice as much

Did you skip(jumo-rope) a lot as a kid? No, I was bad at it

Did you ever catch any bugs or insects with your friends as a kid? Only roly polies

Didn’t you just LOVE art class in elementary school?! Yeah

Have you ever played dodgeball? Yes but not well

What about Red Rover? No

Have you ever played “What time is it mr. wolf?”? It sounds familiar but I don’t remember it

Do you hate your weight? Yes

Have you ever struggled with a mental illness? A little

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella? Peanut butter for a sandwich, nutella for eating straight out of the jar

Have you ever stepped on a snail? No

Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? Mashed

Do you prefer ankle socks over regular socks? Ankle socks

Last movie you’ve seen in theaters? I can’t remember

What is your oldest sibling’s middle name? I don’t have one

Have you ever been to Disneyland or Disney World? Both

Would you ever go backpacking across any country? Probably not

Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? With a friend

Do you like breadsticks? Yes

Do you usually wear shorts around your house all year long? No, but I do wear short sleeves year round

What state were you born in? Colorado

Have you ever had a nose bleed? All the time

How far away do you live from your birthplace? Like 15 minutes

Do you have a weak stomach? No

Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? Yes

Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? Yes

Have you ever considered becoming a lawyer? Slightly but not really

Do you *really* like donuts? Yes

Do you think Disney World could ever get old? At some point

If you could, would you hookup with the last person you texted? Yes

What are your favorite things to spend money on? Jewelry and nerd stuff

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight? I am talking to him right now

What do you usually order on a pizza? No sauce, cheese, garlic, pinapple Do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend fight a lot? Not really

Who’s the first person with the letter “m” in your contacts? Mac

Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten? Kitten

How old will you be on your next birthday? 27 yikes

What color are your underwear? Turquoise

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? If it’s messy

[lilmajorshawty]

Mars Through The Houses : El chico Romantico

Mars In The First House : el Bulldog

(Gunna - Car Sick ft. NAV & Metro Boomin)

They can be Heavy, Domineering, and powerfully sexual and raw. something like a volcanic eruption, and it's searing steam and smoke burning threw your esophagus as it works it’s way down your intestines. these men can be rough. they aren’t the sweet ones or the ones with those soft hands. they carry themselves self protected and can seem as if they are irritated or enraged when they’re actually in the best mood. the men and women here can loathe people being too close, or two overly familiar with them especially if you seem shady or superficial. the men and women don’t know how to hide their feelings or disdain so often they can make some pretty blatant or genuine reactions to things that can at times hurt your feelings if your skin isn’t thick. these natives aren’t cold hearted, rather they are and have grown up in environments that pushed them to be tough, strong and conflict ready. they like honesty and usually dislike being directed or bullied into choices & can often lash out or react to people on sight making them seem unapproachable. romantically the men are direct and INTENSE. when they see something they like you best believe they’ll be eating. they don’t beat around the bush and can be very impulsive about getting things started. the women on the other hand are a bit more subtle and chill about their approach. they often use their beauty and sensuality to mend situations in their favor, but once they’ve booked their love interest they can be very sexually direct and often fall in the role of the initiator. women with this placement in their early years can feel a bit out of line with their femininity and might be insecure about this for sometimes until they claim their sexuality. once claimed these women are HOT, sensual and very intimidating, both physically and emotionally. mars in this house adds a level of strength and resolve in many women often pushing them in more traditionally masculine roles and also making them far more comfortable with aggression and volatile environments. the men can be strongly sexually driven but they often have a strong love for balance and strength In their partners. the love nature is often soooo passionate and these boys aren’t on the hunt as other fire houses, usually preferring one lover. that being said for both sexes, once the bridge is crossed and they’re betrayed or left they often have no issue moving on. the face and eyes tend to be fixed and tense, the face is often sporting a couple of scars or small acne here and there. the hair can be set set in it’s color. they can have a sort of arian look and may even seem like an aries rising but, the energy is far more raw. the first house gives more cardinal and even far more aggression to the natal mars. they can seem far more fiery and independent then their fellow mars and the sexuality seems to ooze of the native. can seem aggressive and mysterious. 

Mars In The Second House : El niño Senual 

(Jungle - Beat 54)

They can be slow, sensual and bullheaded. something like a candle lit room, all the windows open as you feel the cool breezing wind blowing the rosemary scented candle scent around. these men are perplexing to say the least. sometimes they are all in, so interested and so decided and the next moment they have no opinion, no feeling or perspective on the matter. they can seem aloof or rather doe eyed at the feeling of contentment they’re are feeling. these men send mixed signals but make no mistake they’re as stable as they come. the mixed signals comes from their fear of being hurt and wasting time. they need and crave stability and oneness but often more than not people never are ready for the long-term. they are very patient and often tend to be amazing listeners and even finer gentlemen as they often had a strong foundation of their upbringing based om being courteous and respectable. they have a monstrous level of self control and this is how they seduce you in silence. they coil around you and wave their expressive eyes as they touch you in all the right places. they hate people that rush them and tend to do things in steps or phases rather than day by day; so you could be waiting a little while if you’re waiting for one to admit how he feels to you. women with this placement are stubborn as hell, the devil himself with god as his right hand wouldn’t be able to sway her mind. these women tend to be creatures of comfort and pleasure and normally you’ll notice in the way they present themselves that quite a bit of effort goes into hygiene, upkeep, and we can not forget clothes. both sexes love the lavish life and tend to be very business savvy, so you’ll often see them with everything they dreamt of and more due to how hard of workers they are. the women tend to be very sensitive at heart but the male version of this placement is not only moody but they’re veryyyy emotional. the women usually approach things slowly but know when to speed things up while the men will go as slow as molasses even as the deadline is approaching. the sexual nature is tender and sensual and these natives tend to like the build up and anticipation to sex, involving all 6 of the senses. unlike their 8th house counterpart they tend to like intimacy and sex in a large quantity, ever tiring of it due to their love of consistency. the throat can have scars or a more muscular veiny look for men and women. mars in this house is given lower sun venus traits and can make a natives mars seem more slow, steady and passive. 

Mars In The Third House : El chico Flighty 

(Billy Idol - White wedding) 

They can be tantric, racing, and completely exhilarating. something like those nights you snuck out to go to that party you knew that special boy would be at. they often can leave you wondering, or leave you asking. these men seem like they are only here for the moment, waiting for the next mental highway. their sexuality is like a current and often what they want and need is unfamiliar. they just chase the tracks and end up in a new place, new people, new love, new sex, new feelings. they don’t get mad per say, they just have spurts of aggression that can come from nowhere. you see the third house makes emotions bounce about yet never does it confront them at the moment in time they should've been dealt with which is why everything can seem so intense during these spurts. these natives could be angry about something that happened years ago, yet because they never dealt with it that emotion upon return comes back far darker and far more wild than it was at the moment in time. They can love sex or be completely unmoved about it. everything is a psychological and often mental experience for them so in many ways it’s sort of like they take things as they go and never really waste to much time on the moment. the women sport the same energy here. They can be flighty and even a bit unattainable as they often actively pursue dead end situations as a means of maintain their freedom. they tend to adore communication and cerebral banter and honestly for both sexes, the mind is an aphrodisiac. one must be able to traverse the mind with them, and strip it’s layers to really rile them up sexually. the men and women can have strong arms and or arms that are rather well defined or muscular in it’s shape. men tend to have visible veins or even just very hairy or alpha looking hands and arms with this placement. and the manner of speech for both sexes can run from abrasive, to direct and blunt. the mind is often pretty restless and childlike, making these natives easily bored or irritable when stuck in a retentive space or situation. the women with this placement tend to be social chameleons and can easily charm their way through a crowd. the thing here is that mars in the third house women tend to be intimidating both mentally and spiritually as the mercurial energy allows their divine feminine a further reach in the world of the living. men can range from domineering or arrogant with this placement of mars. the thing to be said is that the men can be provocative and deeply magnetic with their charismatic gender neutral sensuality. although astrology doesn’t tell sexuality, I will say that this placement for mars gives many a very free attitude to sex. third house gives mars a rather detached and whimsical energy. the mars is covered in a more mercurial, buzzy energy making them seem anxious, restless and distressed. 

Mars In The Fourth House : Mommas Boy

(Shanice - It’s for you)

They can be emotive, aloof, and a whirlpool of feeling. something between what we speak without words and something that we speak threw touch. they often need and crave touch. men with this position can be soulful and unpredictable. you never really see them coming, mainly because so much of what they feel behind the actions and stunts they pull is swimming somewhere in their heart. much of their motivation and reaction is all from their gut, deep in their soft bellies or rock hard abs lay the reason why they left you on read, or haven’t talked to you for 8 months after that one date you had at carabaos. you wont ever understand these men because they don’t really understand the waters either. these men tend to be ones to jump into physical intimacy as opposed to be communicative right away. it’s easier for them to convey through closeness and “heat.” many tend to be passive and rather side - to side with how they pursue love interest, sometimes being more bold one day and then ghosting days following. they don’t lack confidence, rather they just lack consistency so often times it can seem like they’re shyer then they actually are. These men tend to have emotional bonds with their home life that are rather aggressive or passionate in it’s building. and even more so they can be rather protective of their family and loved ones. the family is often one that has either a military, police, FBI, government, Doctor/hospital work, and or sports background. The women here tend to sport the above mentioned home traits and both men and women here can be far more blunt and assertive when at home than any where else. women with this placement can be strongly divine, often choosing reason above outright action unlike their male counterpart. the reactions are dealt with openly though which often causes the women of this placement to retreat into their shell more often than not due to wanting to maintain privacy. they often need an emotional connection before initiating any form of deeper contact and tend to for better or worse have a strong tie to the father in such a way that he shapes who and what she attracts and does in her life regarding more masculine types in her life. she can often be musically inclined and have quite the warm energy, women and or feminine men of this placement tend to be like honey sickle for masculine types. they often crave the nurturing and warm glow of these natives and can often grow very obsessive appetites for these natives. The chest region can either be more on the smaller side or more muscular shaped for both women and men here. parents where either too childish or too impulsive and self centered during childhood. that being said parents where passionate, intense and deeply protective. a more emotional/ watery nature can be added to the natal mars when in this house so it’ll often make the mars far more touchy/sensitive and cautious. 

Mars In The fifth House : El chico apasionado 

(Zedd, Katy Perry - 365) 

They can be cunning, amorous and dubious. something in-between fast and ecstatic. Speed is the name of the attraction and it’s only second to how long they can wane and purr while the courting stage is starting. they adore the chase but also adore the moments of heartening longing. in most cases they can be overrun by their more impulsive desires and wants, often confusing these with things they actually need. The backs can be muscular and more roughly hewn for both men and women of this placement. in women this can show a women who is naturally full of radiant energy albeit in a more subtle way. she’s magnetic but joyful almost like a fairy. women here can often find themselves being a slave to the passion of the chase, often taking on more aggressive actions and personalities when getting what they want be it romantic or otherwise. men and women here tend to adore competition and the idea of feeling like they “might” have an equal even though deep down they crave the “idea” of it more than it’s “actuality” they can be passionate and deeply fixed sexually and tend to be deeply intertwined with their sexual partners. the fixed nature of this house adds an almost brick like level of concentration on romance and the pursuit of sex. they love to have it but even more so they can be extremely possessive and loyal once they've been cooed. the anger can run calm, and then become evasive much like a lion but once pushed beyond the nicking and scratching they can get VERY volatile. The children can be very Arian in their nature and either have a high concentration of mars or Scorpio In their own charts. domineering, wild and often hard to manage behavior is common in the child's early stages. all I can recommend is to make sure you keep a firm grip and remain steady otherwise those kids will run you over. relationships with the kids are often passionate and physically involved. these natives have a strong love for sports or physical activity and many can take up dancing or boxing as hobbies as they need to release that overabundance of energy. The sexual nature is dynamic and insatiable and these natives tend to need sex quite a bit. These men can be easy to spot, the smile is always cocky and smooth, they feel like they can have you, like you just can’t do without them. the women seem passive, yet behind the veil, their meticulous strokes of the hair, the low glare and glowing smile...they’re seducing you.  both men and women here are famous for falling out of love when they feel as though they aren't your main focus or obsession. they want to feel desired, in many ways they can confuse sexual chemistry with love but above all else they want to feel like two people can’t get enough of one another so often they live in a more romantic state of mind which often clouds their energies. they love hard but can often have turbulent love unions because of how “ON THE HUNT” they can be about love. adds a very dramatic, passionate, and dynamic attitude to the natal mars. often adds a fiery nature to the mars.

Mars In The Sixth House : El chico perfecto

(PJ Harvey - One Line)

They can be attentive, earthy and dangerous. something so sweetly wrapped and decorated, with a very dubious and bare inside. They often seem so neatly packaged, the perfect smile, the most down to earth persona, soft eyes and that sweet compassionate hand. the thing is many men with this placement have two sides to them, MR. perfect and The darker lost boy. they don’t like to reveal anything messy so soon and in most ways they are so good at hiding their “human” qualities that you’ll almost feel lied to wants they start to shed their meticulous skin. they can often be strongly attached to the world and the trees, and nature itself for that matter. they truly are nature boys and take quite a bit of care to live healthy and well mannered lifestyles. that being said they maintain a barrier between the short and sweet and the deep and personal. they normally love things to be paced rather than all at once, so you’ll likely notice that they keep things very simple, especially in the beginning. they don’t do this to be sexy or seductive either, they just like to wear their mask as long as possible before the real them pops in. these men are hot, an aphrodisiac if you will. they can be very disarming with their innocent and genuine nature but they can also keep you on edge with how intense and sharp their real nature is. The women can be the lovely and sweet rose budding quietly alone away from all the flowers. these women don’t share the double nature of their male counterpart but can often give off a very virgin, innocent, pure energy whilst masking a deeper more earthy sensuality and sexuality underneath. they often are worker bees, both men and women of this placement. the women are often straight to the point and maintain a fair amount of distance. unlike their male counterpart being cordial or social for the sake of doing so isn’t their forte so in most cases you’ll notice these women isolating themselves or deeply focused in the newest mental gymnastic that’s caught their attention. cleanliness for both men and women here comes naturally and very rarely will you see them looking unkempt, that being said the boys and women here have a natural earthy look that can at times seem very old school or late 70′s. the girls often prefer longer hair styles and more relaxed on makeup. they tend to like masking or darker makeup as opposed to bright and sunny. the men tend to dress meticulously but also loathe sticking out to much. Both men and women here run the same on sex and tend to be the types who can go without it for years, but they do masturbate, and BOY do they love “self love” the girls and boys here tend to like sexual consistency and usually prefer it constantly when in a committed relationship. they both are very sexually open and can be quite kinky, but this is usually with people they’ve developed a routine with. in men or women that are homosexual this can show up as a strong turn on to anal play and even in straight women and men this can be a strong g-spot. the stomach and lower pelvis region can often be roughly defined or well muscular in it’s appearance. this house adds an earthy and rather mercurial nature to the mars sign. the native will be grounded and cerebral about how they go about reacting to things. the anger is often dealt with most at work or in work settings. office sexual encounters are common ground for those with Pluto, Uranus aspecting mars from this house. 

Mars In The Seventh House : El chico encantador

(Sir Sly - High)

They can be Shy, Dominate, and a walking bag of contradictions. Something so romantic and magnetically so as if it were prom night all over again. These men can be sooooo charming, the grin, the small glimmer in their eyes when you’re around, the lighthearted charisma and the soft toned tone of their voice as they work your blood pressure. They tend to be far more observant and patient then they’re given credit for. some speculate mars in the 7th to make a native actively more aggressive in personal dealings but I must disagree. these natives are forceful and can be quite the aggressor in some situations but in many ways they prefer to be more passive and polite if anything. their charm lays in the fact that they can cater to ones sexual and most primal self without little to no effort. they bring out such an open and vibrant energy in others. They can be very secretive though and many of these men carry themselves in two ways, one for the camera and another behind the curtain. they can be sweet and the boy next door, but they are also domineering and insatiable. see mars in the 7th is about mirrors so as you can imagine men with this are constantly reverbing their good and bad side. they love innocent lovers and many tend to marry the sweet boy or gal that seems so “pure” the irony of this placement is that boy here tend to bring out aggression in their environment because they refuse to acknowledge the intensity within their own personality. Men here and women have a STRONG sex drive and need a physical expression of desire and intimacy often otherwise they can get very irritable and dismissive. the women here are similar to their male counter part but can seem like more of a Lilith than an eve. these women don’ t play submissive roles well and tend to need to be the top or the one in control in both her life and in her environment. these women have a sharp tongue and have an easy time turning a situation in her favor. many fall victim to her incredible sexual charisma and most people are often overwhelmed by this women’s sexual prowess and even more so her level of self confidence and deep built understanding of human nature. many of these women make brilliant detectives and do well in forensic work. Many of these women are very physically active and blessed with wonderful figures. mars in this house gives both men and women very strong glutes and a tight pelvic region. The marriages or partnerships for both sexes tend to BE intense. they normally rush into relationships fast unless mars is afflicted by Pluto/Saturn or Uranus or the 7th house is occupied by other planets. the energy goes into pursuing love and because of this these natives can sometimes confuse being “lonely” with being in “love” or confusing “good sex” with meaning that a person is good for you. These natives are very passionate almost second to mars in the 1st house natives, but they are normally VERY shy when they truly have feelings for someone. they unconsciously know the difference between a relationship they are chasing solely because of sex and one that is touching them on a deeper level and in those cases they become indecisive, escape artist or downright pulling a ghosting act. mars here in the 7th house is given a more Venusian sensuality, a calmer more passive disposition but also a more dynamic attitude in regards to one on ones. these natives love to argue, and they can often flirt via aggression, clowning or just by downright acting like school children. their aggressive nature comes out when they want someone, the can be hard to stop and be remarkably driven. for them love is worth all the haste and more 

Mars In The Eighth House : El chico peligroso

(The Neighbourhood - Heaven) 

They can be dark, spiritual and full of vehemence. something like a horror movie, all the characters have met their maker and only one quiet beaker of hope remains, full of endless scars and turmoil yet thy prevail and survive the ruthlessness of life. These men are very sexy, let be honest they could make you sign away your soul without doing so much as a one motion stroke of their hips. they live intensely and carry a shoulder of burdens that most people would never be able to see unless they make it so. the energy is often so potent and powerful with this placement that these natives can seem unnerving or even a bit frightening to be around. the desire of sciences and even surgery is strong here for both sexes but since this is the house of death, run in’s with malefic spirits or sideways mediums can pose constant danger to these natives. sadly in some cases these natives might’ve experienced or might experience sexual violence of some kind or be the one inflicting it.( this is not the norm and this is only in very extreme cases) the soul is constantly dying of with this placement so often these natives can seem brand new every day. sex can often be a catharsis or a deeply soul shaking thing for these natives so most times they don’t have one night stands and usually have a average libido. they are very sexual and have a strong desire for it but they tend to burn out after one or two goes as sex is such a deep and soul transferring thing for them. the women are often sleek and hidden. they prefer to withhold themselves so they stand a better chance at escaping or distancing from a situation if need be. they’re often very guarded and carry themselves with a stark intensity and seriousness. both sexes crave a spiritual union more than a sexual one and normally remain celibate for years at a time until they meet a lover or person who truly can match their intensity. the genitallia can be veiny for men and either very tight for women or more natural looking(more hair and so on) both men and women here may have piercings around the area or just darker looking gentallia all together. the money matters can be hard fought and their may be some difficulty with shady money dealings with men in general. the death can be of Martian nature and could possibly be violent if other planets aren't in the house offsetting this.(sign cusps matters as well) cars, electrical appliances and robbers/ fights should be looked out for as these all are the realm of mars. these natives are fighters and normally fight death to the very end, if they do pass it’s likely because they felt it was there time. mars here adds plutonian energies making the native intense, secretive and emotionally overwhelming. both sexes tend to be hard to read and usually don’t readily open up to people no matter the circumstance, you can be with them for 100 years and only know 20% of the entire story. These natives want you at your worst, your most vulnerable and your most bare. they can be scary and might even scare you off at first with their blatant Tartarus like energy but they are used to it, not everyone can handle their energy or it’s weight. these natives tend to have a high libido in their longer committed relationships and can crave sex everyday and every moment once you’ve passed all their testing. 

Mars In The ninth House : El chico sin límites

(Artic Monkeys - Knee Socks) 

They can be intellectual. Far out, and extremely grandeur. something like a waterfall that never stops pouring it’s blue gold. The men here can be VERY in love with anything unique, new or diverse. in many cases this can mean someone who’s physically different from them in any way, be it color, weight, lifestyles, age difference, and so on. These men are so sexy due to how expressive and authentic they are. in many ways they’ re more blunt and even more reckless than a mars in Sagittarius would normally be. they want it all and can sometimes express this in a selfish rather cool hearted way. they seem rude at first glance and might even give you the vibe that they’re snobbish or above you in some way. ironically this Is all an act as they deep down do value perspective and people who are “different” so because of that they normally try to remain as open and understanding to others as they can. They are super big on intelligence and can wow you with how deep their thought process is. men here are often conspiracy theorist with an ugly sexual appetite. Women here are opposite, sex for them is more for the experience and the feeling of triumph rather than the act itself. they love to see the world, from every view and every perspective so they naturally seek all sorts of emotional and physically stimulating interactions. they are like researchers always seeking to “understand” more than they did before. this placement in women can make them highly ambitious and bullheaded. for both sexes the thighs can either be large or muscular in size. often religion for better or worse is either loved with a passion or hated with a unnatural fury their isn't an in-between. these natives can be flighty when in relationships where to much of their desire is reciprocated back, so often their most memorable love unions consist of the lovers who either didn’t love them back or who can live without them. not to say men and women of this position can’t “love” fully, merely that they are complicated souls who yearn for passion that's grand but on terms that their love is almost hitting a wall. they want you to want them, but not so much all at once. they want the kind of love that grows and fluctuates up and down as it feels like they’ re truly growing that way. sexually these natives are gluttons, the women can drain their lovers dry depending on their moods and how “explorative” they’re feeling. men here can be a slave to their sex drive but for both  sexes the more they feel like you’re out of their reach or focused on other things the Crazier their desire for you gets. Mars in the 9th house is given a Jupiter like expansiveness, an open an ardent nature a carefree and rather flighty way of being. 

Mars In The tenth House : El chico serio

(Ex: re New York) 

They can be Intimidating, Serious and sensual. Something like the cold leaves glossing your skin on the cloudy autumn evening, it’s running late but you’re still laying on the moist soil watching the winds spiral and howl in lament. These men can be heavy, heavier than any rock or building. they feel so sad and so somber even if they wear the mightiest smile. they have a smug nature to them, as if they are beyond the moment of time and have already deemed it to be an insufficient use of their day. they are so moving, yet so deeply disengaged with everyone around them. they’re often so aggressive and active publicly that they may seem immature or more youthful then they actually are in person. they can be earnest and steady but withholding. these men have a tendency to obsess on a person, especially when they find that their is a chemistry. undenounced to most people these men are so emotional and so sexually driven behind the stoic and flat facial expression. they want you, they crave you but they wont ever show you until they are safe, hidden in the den of your sheets, the blanket of your open arms. Only then will you see their raw and earthy sexuality bloom like the deadliest rose bud. They have very strong desires to build and form their careers often putting love and physical activity in the back burner. the men here can gain weight as their extreme focus on their work can often cause them to neglect the physical body(mars). they aren’t self conscious per say but they are self aware of how their actions or someone else actions might mean. these boys will likely seem unmoved or unbothered by you in person, only stealing intense glances and stares at you here and there but trust me behind the quiet they are deeply and intensely craving you, desiring you. even more than mars in the 8th these men can be a very serious and intense man to get involved with, so if they set their sights on you, get ready for the deepest love you’ve ever experienced. women with this placement are often gentle and caring, usually taking on a very private and secluded internet persona. they can seem warm and easy to get to know but you’ll soon realize that they wont hesitate to place work, school and family above you. they are often very observant and watchful souls who notice everything often reacting in silence as not to draw any attention to themselves. these women can attract unstable men or men who are often lost in some way, relying on the women to create foundation for their broken selves. as they get older the men they attract are more self secure and more mature but for both men and women here I warn you not to marry before your Saturn return and I also encourage you to take time jumping into sexual involvements as Saturn will punish you greatly if you have sex just for the sake of sex. the bones can be rather shaped in an athletic way, or the bone structure itself can just be very nicely built and sexual in it’s creation. this house adds Capricorn and Saturn/hades like attributes to mars often making the mars more cautious, slow moving and serious. sexual nature is heard to read. 

Mars In The Eleventh house : El chico separado

(Aaliyah Feat. Drake Enough said)

They Can be separated, stoic, and profound. something cosmic but with a sadness inside their stars. these natives tend to be complicated to say the least. Mars here tends to make men seem like a closed folder, as much of what they do and how they do it seems almost as if it’s a robotic mannerism rather than an emotionally driven response. these men can be compassionate and deeply sincere but they often get uncomfortable by to much personal interaction. they prefer an ambiguous expression of sexuality and can often carry a very open, and ardent sexual nature. these men can seem flamboyant one moment and masculine the next, they’re in every sense of the word gender fluid and sexually fluid according to what and who catches their eye in the moment. these men tend to swim in a unique electric current and often move, and act in ways completely reverse or opposed to the natural flow of the world around them. Women with this placement tend to attract men or masculine women who are scientist types, or those whom have a more detached and rather impersonal physical and spiritual expression. women with this placement can be highly rational no matter how watery their natal mars and tend to prefer to keep and maintain a certain level of space and objectiveness in their dealing with the world around them. many women with this placement are strong activist and have passionate views about society as a whole. these women are enchanting due to their minds and their creative nature. Mars in this house adds a plethora of musical talent for women here in my personal experience, but for both men and women here friends with benefits situations tend to be more preferred as immediately jumping into romance tends to make them feel uneasy. the love nature is VERY deep. and these people tend to become very private and reclusive when in love, preferring to keep their romance to themselves. both men and women with this placement hate crowds and tend to be extremely to themselves. mars in this house can give strong calf muscles as well as strong ankles. there might also be scars on these areas as well. Mars here is given Aquarian/ uranian energy so often the natives are given more cerebral, detached and high to low physical energy. the friends are often masculine or more aggressor types. friendships are often passionate and can start and end very quickly. 

Mars In The Twelfth House : el niño ilegible 

(Lana Del Rey - Freak) 

They can be innocent, blurry and intangible. Something like a cloudy sky, grand and encompassing, raindrops and cold winter air flowing across the brittle frozen grass as it makes a ominous wail. These men can be so intoxicating, their gentle and rather subdued nature, the hidden and rather quiet nature of their actions and expressions. they often are evasive, yet present. missing in action yet heavily felt. these men tend to be on the softer side of things no matter how masculine they are. that being said their aggression and anger is just around the corner and when it comes out these men can be VERY dangerous. the darkness in them is hidden amongst the clouds, and years upon years of repent trauma can come bursting from the scenes like a pool of molten lava. these men are very honest but are sexually ambiguous. they detach themselves constantly during sexual intercourse and can be very guarded sexually unless their is a deep spiritual and emotional connection reached. they don’t have the heart to tell you they aren’t in love any more so they’ll likely keep playing the role you need them to if it makes you feel safe and happy. these men sacrifice quite a bit and struggle with putting their foot down when there kindness is being taken for granted. they have a strong passion and universal love for everyone deep down and are very spiritually motivated by everything they do. women with this placement don’t share as dark of a temper but can find themselves playing a more passive or subdued role around men as they can feel uncomfortable claiming their more masculine side. so for women this causes their masculine shadow to be present in their actions making them seem more aggressive or more dynamic then they intend to at random moments. the women with this placement are very giving and loving, normally drawn deeply to children and the wildlife. men and women with this placement get burned out by interacting with people over long periods of time and tend to go into hibernation or disappear to regain their energy. when younger these natives can be blamed for a lot for things they don’t do but this is mostly due to them not mastering their more masculine side expressing itself unconsciously. the sexuality is deeply sensitive and lots of times a divine force keeps these natives sexually celibate for a very long time until they meet a lover who is more safe and kind to them and their soul. their earlier sexual encounters may be uncomfortable or sort of late blooming as mars is in the 12th house meaning it didn’t get to grow the same way the other kids(planets) did. the dreams can often be very vivid and physically involved. this can mean wet dreams that persist into adulthood, fighting and or war dreams, rape dreams, domination dreams or even just dreams involving death. mars in the 12th is indicative of past life trauma so often the dreams are fragmented happenings of previous lives which is why there is such a vivid representation. the feet can be veiny and or strong, activities like dancing and or martial arts can be a great outlet. these natives don’ t lack energy rather they just lack an outlet for their intensity and as a result they rely on being lethargic as opposed to actively burning their intense energy reserves. The bodies are often naturally muscular and well built without much effort as the natives carry their past life's physical prowess. a strong attraction to work in hospitals or jails is common and in many cases deep physical bonds with inmates or patients is common. mars in this house is given watery and very diluted qualities, the traits of the natal mars are amplified if a water mars and the traits of fire, air and earth mars are softened and made more hard to see or not readily available to the person. 

[ticktickblog]

Stop Being the Last-Minute Person

Everything You Need to Know about Procrastination

Understanding procrastination

Usually, we think of procrastination as a bad habit, but this might not be the case. Research by Burka and Yuen, authors of Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now, have found that procrastination is not a bad habit, but a psychological syndrome caused by one’s fear. In other words, procrastination is not purely a problem of time management. Instead, it concerns people's inner fears, expectations, doubts and pressures. 

There might be some people, like myself before, who’d always leave their tasks to the very last minute before the deadlines and look forward to a suddenly-bursted extraordinary performance, or a very best luck ever. Some even say the closer the DDLs are, the more productive they are.

So, is the deadline really a force to drive us forward in a positive way?

My answer is negative, although from the surface it may seem harmless to some people, and can to some extent be converted to motivator. However, deep inside, procrastination brings more harms than good for most of us.

Consequence of procrastination

1. On top of all the damages caused by procrastination: mental sufferings. Even though relaxing first brings instant joy, it’ll soon be replaced by overwhelmingly negative feelings: e.g. anxiety thinking, nagging pain, a guilt of not starting earlier, and etc. Not hard to imagine how painful it is to be trapped into this situation for a long period of time.

2. From the view regarding one’s physical health, there’s also detrimental consequence. Chasing DDLs usually means overworking at a late point. For example, burning the night oil in a row. If this continues as a habit, it will threaten one’s physical health as well.  

3. There might be consequences to other people as well, because people who procrastinate a lot may be bad at time management. For example, being late for a date because they’ve not started dressing up earlier, or being unable to submit a task on time because they’ve wasted a lot of time thinking. These could then make them easy to not be trusted by others, and people around them may also sometimes feel disappointed.  

Then, what at root drives us to procrastinate? What makes people consciously or unconsciously choose to procrastinate?

Reasons for procrastination

1. Excessive perfectionism

People who are perfectionists normally have very high standards to themselves and to the work they do. Therefore, they easily fall into the fear of not being able to reach these standards, or making mistakes on the way which will lead to undesirable results. By not getting started, the mistakes/failures will not happen, which means at this procrastinating point at least, they don’t have to worry too much. 

Also, many perfectionists may waste too much time thinking how to do instead of actually doing. They choose to wait till a perfect plan is ready. However, in fact there is neither a flawless plan nor a perfect outcome. Plus, it’s extremely hard for excessive perfectionists to be fully satisfied with what they’ve achieved no matter how good it is. 

2. The rewards are too far away. 

Studies have shown that the farther the due date is, the less binding force it may execute on us, and the easier it is for us to feel unmotivated to start. Compared to gaining rewards from a not-so-recent future, instant gratification is obviously much easier. 

This might be the very reason why many people choose to enjoy first and do later. For example, if the deadline for an assignment is 2 weeks from now, then spending 2 days watching a new series on Netflix doesn’t seem like a big deal. 

3. Fear of difficulty

Reason for this fear is we know the goal is too big and require hard work. Sometimes when we are given a big task, e.g. dissertation, we might be very likely to feel overwhelmed, not knowing where to start or how. The motivation then downgrades to 0. Similarly, when a monthly personal KPI has been given, even just thinking of it brings a lot of headache already, let alone start doing. 

4. Lack of awareness and skills of time management

Sad but true, I know:(  

For these ones, getting so used to an unstructured work/study style makes it even harder not to procrastinate. Never thinking of organizing or not knowing how, is a big hindrance to their productivity. But, it’s totally fine if you just enjoy the flow and do not worry about getting things done. However, for these who crave progression and success, then tackling procrastination and learning how to manage your time and organize things well is extremely important. Let TickTick help with that 🙌

5. Dislike of taking orders

As some of you might feel relatable, deadlines and dues are set usually by other people, either our professors or team leaders, to the tasks assigned. For those who have strong self-awareness and do not want to be tasked by others, they consciously or subconsciously resort to procrastination as a way to resist the order. Meanwhile, they try to declare some autonomy and freedom by refusing to do things at this moment and ignoring them till later.

Ways to fight against procrastination

The most painful part of procrastination is not working on the task, it is starting the work. Therefore, to beat procrastination, is actually to find out ways to get us started. 

Where to start

1. Set a realistic goal and fairly evaluate your ability

Make sure your goal is inspiring but also attainable, based on the evaluation of your ability now and its potential to grow, plus the time and effort needed in achieving your goal. 

For example, if I have three free weekends this month, then I probably establish a goal: finishing reading a book this month. Many procrastinators are too optimistic about their ability in the future and underestimate the time needed to complete the task. When deadlines approach, it’s just frightening and frustrating. 

2. Divide the goal into more achievable ones

If the goal seems too big to reach, then cut it into smaller pieces to reduce the fear of a sudden commitment. 

Going back to that book-reading example, to finish reading a book in a month, I may divide the task into reading ¼  every week, and then 10 pages each for working days and 20 pages each for unscheduled weekends. Compared to 1 book, 10 pages just sounds like a breeze. 

3. Trim the unnecessary and only keep the priorities

According to Pareto Principle, 20% of the things in life can determine 80% of the results. Therefore, when facing multiple tasks, sort them out based on urgency, importance, necessity and other indicators. Next, take the lead in dealing with high-priority things. This method can effectively help us abandon those low-value and insignificant activities, and rationally allocate limited time and energy for the maximum return.

4. Start from a small task 

Some may argue that starting from a hard task is better for time management. However, for a lagging person like myself before, starting is the most difficult part as I said. Therefore, an easy task can first “allure” me to start, and when finishing this, the rest of my day is then kept in a feeling-productive momentum.

Long-run strategies

1. Increase incentive mechanism 

The best way to do that is to bond the completion of a certain task with an instant reward. For example, if I finish writing my blog draft today, I’d be rewarded with 30 mins to play with my dog. If reading through all literature within scheduled time when writing a dissertation, I’ll treat myself with a big meal or an outing day. In this way, before each task starts, motivation will replace stress to activate your enthusiasm.

P.s. Please remember, what the reward for is always your hard work and progress, not the results.

2. Reduce the task aversion from a mental side: 

Go deeper into the given task and find/develop some parts you feel passionate about from it. If you’ve found out the joy of doing things, then a task will not be a task anymore, but a daily trivial, something like teeth-brushing. Those who work out consistently no matter how busy he/she is, are actually regarding working-out as a daily activity. This sounds a little bit like self-brainwashing, but believe me, it brings positive results in the long run.

Other possible solutions

1. Make use of visual tools 

Write the daily tasks down for enhanced execution force: Some research has found out that writing down your to-do tasks makes it easier for you to really complete it.

Check it done for enhanced encouragement: When I see the visual hints, e.g. a visual tick, like the logo of TickTick, that tells me I’ve achieved something, it is like an energy transferred into my body. Not only visually, it’s a mental encouragement I’ve got from the process.  

2. Create a co-supervising system

By inviting a friend/colleague to co-supervise each other, it may help you two to both keep on the right track. Also, in this co-supervision scheme, competitive people will hate to lose. By losing here actually means your friend finished her task while you didn’t. A positive competition vibe is formed here to probably give you a little gentle push.

Final words

Like what Mark Twain said,“The secret of getting ahead is getting started”. Although it’s not easy to completely beat procrastination, it’s still good to be less-procrastinated. Now is always better than later, stop being the last-minute person and get started now!

[wellthatwasaletdown]

A Rant That Nobody Asked For

I read a comment on here the other day that said that Harry Styles career can’t die unless he does something outrageously heinous or controversial, and unless he’s publicly hated more than he’s liked, I actually disagree with that. I don’t know why it bothered me enough to write this whole thing but here we go.

The entire Kardashian brand is built on feeding off of public outrage. People seem to not understand that they want you to hate them. They know that a large portion of their audience dislike them, but follow and pay attention, just to see what thing they do next that they can hate on. Brands are doing that as well. Where they are intentionally putting out overtly racist clothing, slogans, advertising, obviously offensive products, because really and truly, consumers want to be apart of the outrage, consumers enjoy dragging shit. A European makeup brand made a lipstick color called the n-word, and after the outrage on twitter, the lipstick sold out in less then ten hours. I think there are people who think that they’re being helpful or effective by hating the Kardashians, but in actuality by hating them you’re feeding into their machine, you’re putting money in their pockets.

So people always tweet things like  how is James Charles still getting millions of views despite his gross behaviour, how is Camilla Cabello still able to headline tours after calling Normani the n-word repeatedly, how is Kodak Black still making music even though there’s several rape accusations against him? The last one I’d argue is because the volume on rape allegations drops significantly when the accusation comes from black women, and we don’t listen to them or give black women’s voices the validity we should. But overall the reason these people still have careers is BECAUSE some people hate them. (I don't think Camilla is publicly hated but hear me out) That’s what they want. By calling out people who fuel they’re careers off of outrage, you’re fighting a fruitless battle because you’re appealing to the sympathy of people who actually don’t give a fuck. They know what they’re doing, they don’t care who’s hurt, they don’t care the real world affect of their words, they don’t care about learning or growing from their actions, but they bank on the fact that you care about those things and will take time out of your day to try and break it down for them. They exist to antagonize their audience and then get the label “controversial”. I’m 100% positive that Kylie Jenner knew that people were going to mad about Kylie Skin, but she let them be mad, she let them hate on her loudly, she let that hate act as free promo, and then her skincare line sold out. If Kim Kardashian put her hair in braids, and no one said anything but instead she lost a shit ton of followers, if all the people who disagreed with that unfollowed her, she would’ve never done that shit again. But because the outrage actually gained her followers and traction, she continues to do it. Everyone knows what cultural appropriation is. Everybody does. Maybe not everyone understands why it can be so damaging but everyone knows what it is. So famous women right now who are posting pictures of themselves in cornrows or bindis or in Native headdresses, they know better. They know people are going to be mad, they know people are going to be hurt, they know this. But they profit off of it. They are dependant on your outrage, for a surge in media attention. I’m not saying that these girls are heinous human beings, but I’m saying it’s 100% intentional. It’s intentional. You’re wasting your energy in the comments trying to educate them, trying to get them to see why people are upset, they don’t care. They don’t care why you’re upset, they just want you angry, and then once you’re angry they’ll flip it on you and play the victim and talk about how intense and evil social media has been to them. These girls posting incredibly photoshopped pictures of themselves, and pictures with their ribs jutting out from their bodies, not disclosing all of the surgery they’ve had to impressionable young girls, they are literally profiting off of their viewers insecurity.  It’s business. It’s a game. 

(This is a side note but with all of the PR relationships Harry’s been in, really and truly him having a girlfriend might have a really negative impact on the girls linked to him, but they have positive affects for Harry. Because when he has a girlfriend, his fans feel insecure, they compare themselves to this model girlfriend, they wonder if this is the kind of woman he wants and I don’t look like that, what’s wrong with me? They hurt, they get uncomfortable, and often respond with intense hate, but really that hate comes from a place of insecurity and pain. But see, when they’re hurting, he can turn around and ask you to pay him to tell him that he loves you.)

This is getting longwinded but what I’m getting to is that the opposite of love isn’t hate, it never has been, the opposite of love is INDIFFERENCE. Being publicly hated doesn’t always end careers, in fact public outrage can be manufactured to gain traction and attention for a person or brand. The only answer to truly get rid of those kind of people is to respond with silence and indifference and the removal of your attention. This is why I think that honestly, Harry has every possibility of his career dwindling away. I don’t know that he’ll ever be “unsuccessful” because he has his core audience but I think we’re seeing more and more that we live in a world where everyone is really ready to jump on a hatred bandwagon, that the careers that really die, are not the people who you’re angry at. The careers that die are the people that you are entirely indifferent to.

It’s been proven that Harry Styles is incredibly sensitive to the point where he and his fans cannot even stand constructive criticism. It is greatly important to him to be publicly upheld and adored, and I think that that proved itself with the TV show he produced that was based on him, because he couldn’t even allow the character that was meant to vaguely represent him to be a fully fleshed out character with flaws and negative attributes, instead the character ended up being a lot like what Harry presents to the world, a caricature of a great guy. Harry presents an image that is meant to be interpreted and digested in whatever way you like. If you want him to be a feminist he is, if you don’t want him to be he’s not, if you want him to be a bad boy? Gay? Straight? A sweetheart? A rich sugar daddy aesthetic? A true artist who only cares about the music? He’s a walking fan fiction on purpose, because it is of such high importance to him to be adored and to be accepted that he presents nothing, and allows his fans to do all the work in implanting their own vision on him, and then his fans sustain his fame for him out of personal obligation and emotional ties they have to the idea of him they created, right?

Harry isn’t designed to be someone that can be hated, he intentionally straddles every topic, and stays right in the middle and never says anything controversial, to the point where he really doesn’t share any actual opinions. He spews apolitical sweetness and kindness, and creates a pseudo-political activism aesthetic without actually giving opinions, because he doesn’t have to, he’s dependant on the fact that his fans will project their opinions onto him, and assume he’s on whichever side they’re on. He’s not sustaining a career based off of the music, because the people who listen to his music, listen to him as a byproduct of already loving him. The people who pay attention to his content, do so out of love for who they believe he is as a person. Harry Styles is really not a celebrity who has many casual fans. I think in terms of his looks, he does, casual fans who will comment on his look at the Met Gala, or comment on him being good-looking, but not many casual fans who would sit down and listen to an album of his, you know?

The emptiness fans are feeling now comes from the fact that Harry used to pander to maintaining his audience at an emotional level, and insinuate a relationship between he and his audience, that he no longer cares to feed, and all the Harries, whether they admit or not, are feeling the distance and feeling his withdrawal. I bring this up because, now we're seeing even some Harries are growing not hateful, not resentful, but indifferent towards him. They are getting exhausted of having to maintain their ideal of him, and having to fight themselves into liking something that's really not there. As someone who's still kind of in the Harry Styles bubble, I can't argue this 100% but I do feel that there is a level of indifference towards him from the general public.

(Another side note: One similarity between Harry and the Kardashians is what I call convenient stupidity. They claim smarts and being smart business people, Harry specifically is obsessed with putting out an aesthetic of intellect, but when it’s convenient for them, they want you to assume that they are stupid and/or not responsible for whatever your upset about and/or that they don’t understand what they’ve done. If you think they’re stupid you’ll underestimate them and you’ll never assume that you’re the one being played. By keeping you thinking that you’re mentally above them, they manipulate you, every time.)

Harry couldn’t even commit to the rock music aesthetic fully, because rock music, real rock music, has to come with commitment and controversy, and he’s so obsessed with being adored across the board. I highly doubt he’ll ever get involved in real controversy or that he’d use controversy as a marketing ploy, just because we’ve seen time and time again that he’s prioritized public adoration over the actual quality of his work. But like I said, as he pulls away, the manufactured love between him and his fans is getting harder for them to hold on to, it’s getting hard for them to rearrange information to make him the guy he was to them. I’m telling you, what’s going to kill Harry is not intense hatred, but indifference. As he tries to gear himself to an older audience, he's not going to be able to manufacture the same blind adoration that 1D fans were able to give him in the beginning. We're already beginning to see indifference towards him grow.

[the-man-of-mirrors]

Doki Doki Literature Club

I caught the hype and noise around the game, so my partner and I decided to play through it, and i’ll be damned if it wasn’t one of the most well made horror games I've seen (which isn’t a high bar, technically, because I usually avoid horror like the plague -- but this was still really good), and it was the first time I ever “got got” by a dating sim -- by low key falling for one of the characters. Just Monika

Spoilers below this point 

So I’m going to, instead of walking through the plot, which is really the treasure of the game -- go play it -- I’m going to discuss the characters, and why the game’s writing caught me as it did. Let’s start in order of importance, both to plot and to me.

Sayori -- I’ll begin by saying, for those of you that played the game, if you went with Sayori as your first girl, that’s just wrong. She’s like your little sister! Moving on, Sayori is perhaps the most accurate depiction of major depressive disorder I’ve ever seen in a visual or written medium. She works so hard to make everyone else happy, because she feels like it’s the only way to get them to stop “wasting” time and energy on her. She puts on a mask every day at club, and is stated to have done so every day of her life, because she wants other people to not think about her. She think’s she’s a worthless, selfish, weak human being, when she is anything but. She doesn’t understand why others would want her around. 

Now, I have depression, though the doctor says its not a terribly bad case, and as a man my symptoms tend to differ from those of women sufferers. I’ve been with girls that have depression like this, and I’ve had the same kind of frustrations as the idiot MC does with those feelings, and that pit-of-your stomach feeling when you don’t know what to do, and you know that you are failing that person. I both understand the worthlessness Sayori feels (to an extent) and the frustration of the MC. Sayori is a very powerful character because of that, and is very much one of the game.

YURI -- Best Girl. Only talked about Say-o first because of plot reasons, I’m sure you understand. So, Yuri was the character that snared me, and did so quite neatly and elegantly. As my partner is fond of telling me, I have a very defined...type. I, as you know, am both an avid reader, and a writer (despite my low activity on this page, I apologize, school gets in the way of creation). Another person having those qualities, especially when those qualities are focused in the deep worlds of fantasy and science fiction (and horror I guess, I do enjoy Lovecraft and Edgar Allan Poe a great deal), is like having a light turn on inside me. So that’s one box ticked off. To continue, she is very shy and introverted, and only really opens up when she’s talking about something she’s truly passionate about, or if she’s alone with you, and I understand how that feels, though I’ve opened up in the past years. To continue, I have, apparently, some kind of Christ complex, where I want to walk into the lives of people like Yuri and just hold them, and tell them everything is going to be okay. I want to be that person that saves them, I want to make them not be hurting anymore. Most importantly, I understand what it’s like to feel truly, truly alone, and I can’t bear to see someone live like that -- not when I know I can be the rock they lean on, or (and I’ll regret saying this -- my partner will probably read this post and tease me about it) be like their service dog, dedicated to loving and helping them for as long as it takes.

 As I write this, I cannot but help and think that this mental pattern of mine might be terribly codependent, deriving a large amount of my self-worth from pulling other people away from the brink of the abyss many of us know too well. But that’s not the entirety of who I am, or the only source of worth, so I’m sure I’ll be fine. 

Back to Yuri. She’s anxious and both terrified of being hated, while hating and being overly harsh on herself. She is convinced that her weird hobbies (and some of them ARE weird) are justified reasons for people to hate and dislike her, which just isn’t true. So when you let her open up to you, it’s like watching a sunrise over clear mountains -- some things are still trapped and blocked away, and will be for a little while, but there is light now. I hadn’t felt that sunrise since the early days of my current relationship, and it is addicting. Once she realizes that what she likes (for the most part, but we will get there) won’t push you away, she really blossoms. That said, there is still a darkness to be addressed, and that darkness is her (even before act II) obvious habit of self-harm, and the question of her sado-masochistic tendencies (the bloodied finger scene -- which I found really cute -- and the statement from Monika about how she harms for the rush). I’ve been in a lot of relationships where self-harm was there, like that black looming shadow, glaring down on my partner. It’s one of those things that simultaneously breaks my heart, and puts me dangerously close to the stereotypical “I AM MAN. I MUST FIX.” mindset, and people don’t like to be “fixed”. Especially if they are in that state of mind. I suspected she did this from the first interaction -- as my partner says, I have a type, and I can read the signs well. This game is so well written -- but when she was rolling down her sleeve in MC’s house, that was all the confirmation I needed. Whether she actually does it for a rush, as Monika states in act 2 (this of course, being after the point Monika tampered with best girl, and is trying to actively remove her), which is heavily doubtful to me, or is doing so to punish herself, or is doing so simply feel at all, I wanted to help. She embodies that social anxiety and isolation that I know so well, and is also a fairly realistic depiction. 

Do I think she, the actual Yuri (yes, It’s a game, it’s just code, but these characters are so realistic that real life parallels matter, so I will address them as such), self harms for a rush that the pain and blood brings? No, the only trustworthy evidence to that theory is the scene where you prick your finger, and she puts that finger in her mouth, and that could be a number of things, from wanting to make it better (without knowing how), to acting on the clear sexual tension in the room (please?), to what I’ll talk about in a minute. Does she have a sado-masochistic fetish? Probably. I’m a sadist myself, my partner is a masochist, so I understand that feeling to an extent. Does she find blood play hot? Perhaps, maybe in the same way some people find rape-play (yes, it’s a legitimate thing. No, I don’t care to argue that with anyone) hot -- from a distance, or maybe only with slight imitations. These questions are interesting ones, and it made me want to get to know this fictional character better. It’s part of why I’m really annoyed that the there is no way to get a good ending for each character just Monika. 

It’s also really nice that Yuri had objectively the best body and the cutest fucking demeanor in the game. She also looked very, very cute in that sweater and it’s great. 

Natsuki -- I don’t like her, but I haven’t truly explored her character arc yet. I get the definite impression that her home life is traumatizing and out of control, which is why she is so combative and assertive in the club. She is scrambling for any ounce of control. I’ve seen it before, and while her personality turns me off harder than scat porn, I want to know what’s going on. 

Monika -- I saved her for last. I simultaneously wanted to kill her and ask her “why?” for most of act 2, and actually from the end of Act 1 when Sayori said “She was right, I should just ---”. I wanted to murder this girl, as memeable as she is (so, so gloriously memeable). It felt SO GOOD to delete her. So when she came back from the dead, to SAVE you, it felt so strange. She is a walking fourth wall break. I can’t really describe her well, just go play the game. 

All in all, the game is incredible. Yuri describes my type to a “T”, the only thing missing is that she isn’t a redhead. The characters (aside from the idiot MC) were very realistically written and pulled at my heart in ways that, in all honesty, shouldn’t have been so effective -- they are just code, right? 

[ladyinthebluebox]

11 questions (strike back!)

Aaand another 11 questions from @bitter-stella Thanks for tagging me!!

Aaaand again I’m sorry for the wait. For the last couple days I’ve been pretty consumed with trying not to cut or glue my fingers together ^^’’ that’s a poor excuse, tho, I know. Again, answers under the cut ’cause it got extremely long.

Is there a particular country you know a lot about despite never having visited? I know A LOT about Ancient Egypt but that doesn’t count since it would require a time machine. Although Egypt, in general, is on my ‘to visit’ list since basically an eternity, so... it counts? A little at least?

What elements (to you) make for a fantastic or compelling story. Is it about the character interactions? The action or adventure?  The over-arching plot line? What makes or breaks a story for you? I think that the characters are the most important part of a story. If I get to like them I immediately get invested in whatever the plot has in stock for those fictional people. The interactions are a part of it too, I guess... Action and adventure definitely do their part. (unsurprisingly) I’d say that boring/unlikable characters break the story for me. You can put someone like this in the middle of the best, mindblowing story and I won’t be able to get into it... What makes a good character? Well, that’s a whole different story xd

If you had to go back and re-do your degree, what would you choose instead? If you haven’t completed your degree, what are some areas you have considered pursuing? First off, I’d probably wait a year or two before going to uni and give myself time to think about what I want to study. Maybe I’d go for journalism straight away then or decide for some artsy one... Idk. And I still plan to do master degree in new media journalism... maybe?

What is your ideal breakfast and who would you share it with? Banana pancakes (or any other pancakes) in the company of my bff for instance. Although in her company any breakfast is perfect... She also makes the best pancakes. XD Coincidence?

Has there ever been a scene in a movie or television show that has stood out for you? (As in, it really made an impact for you.) Tough question... I’d go for the scene from Doctor Who. In the last episode of the second series (counting the one from 2005 as a first; gee DW is fucking complicated) Doctor (played by the wonderful David Tennant at the time) and his companion, and also heavily implied LI, Rose get separated forever. There is a scene when it seems like they are on the opposite sides of the wall but in truth, they are in the completely different dimensions. She’s crying (obviously), while he just sticks his ear to it like he’s listening what’s happening on the other side and after a short while just walks away, knowing that he won’t ever see her again.  Basically, it’s an awfully sad scene... I rarely cry when watching movies/tv shows but good god, I cried crocodile tears while watching it. It was the first time I’ve got so invested in the tv show really. Tennant’s performance, how likable his Doctor was, the music... If you watch this scene alone it won’t have that much of an impact but when I watched two seasons, one episode after another and it happened... I was devasted like never before... And it’s followed by a scene with a line “I’m burning up the sun just to say goodbye” that just makes everything 100 times worse. 

When do you feel happiest? When the people I care about are happy and when my art/writing attempts are going right.

What are your main hobbies, and how did you initially come across them? Arts & crafts - I’ve always been an artistic kind of kid. I used to draw on everything I could... I guess we still have some old books that have my ‘cars’ in them (which were basically like two circles for wheels and a third, bigger, kind of oval shape that served as the rest of the vehicles xd). I loved coloring books and all that jazz... It was always in me those things. Writing - I got into it thanks to my friend from the middle school, I think. It was the Potter-mania time and we used to write or/and plot stories together so that would be how it all started for me.

What was your first fandom? First OTP? It wouldn’t be too much of a surprise but the first fandom was the Harry Potter one I guess (although I was active only in like a ‘Polish part of the internet' then). I used to have a blog and write a fanfic about the Marauders. Crazy days xd  I think that didn’t really have any OTPs (or I just don’t remember them... that’s totally possible) until I stumbled onto Mass Effect a couple years ago... Shakarian owns my heart ever since. ❤️

Name a character that everyone seems to love but you cannot stand. Explain what it is you dislike about this character. Idk if I have a character that I’m allergic to and cannot stand them... But I don’t share the DA fandom’s love for Anders... I don’t even understand it to be honest. Mostly ‘cause I strongly disagree with what he did. Blowing up the chantry wasn’t exactly a good way of convincing people that they shouldn’t fear mages, that they should walk free and Circles are a bad thing or whatever. I just... Just no. But I don’t hate him... He’s a video game character and there is no reason to waste my energy on hating fictional people.

Explain a situation when you knew you were in the wrong, and yet you refused to back down. Do you regret your actions? I don’t know if I ever been in a situation when it would be something big and regrettable... But it happens sometimes with some sort of small things, I can’t really remember anything specific right now... I might feel guilty for a while afterward, tho.

Have you ever sent someone nasty hate mail? If so, why? What spurred you to do this? If not, have you ever been tempted to? No, and seriously I’ve never been tempted to do it. I don’t like engaging in some sort of futile arguments that usually don’t lead anywhere.

[newstfionline]

A Personal User Manual?

Leah Fessler, Quartz, August 09, 2017

Here’s a funny thing about work: We spend more time with our colleagues than with our friends and family. Yet more often than not, we don’t really understand our co-workers--because being honest with one another is scary.

When a teammate’s lack of organization annoys us, we vent to others. When a boss says “this is fine” (not “this is great”), we wallow in anxiety. Many of us figure out our colleagues’ personalities, preferences, and dislikes through trial and error, not through explicit conversation.

This strikes me as a colossal waste of time, productivity, and happiness. Ignoring these issues just leads to confusion and frustration, and, in time, can wind up threatening your job performance (and your paycheck).

Thankfully, there’s a tool that every team can use to bypass workplace miscommunications and angst, helping to amp up every employee’s potential and morale from day one. It’s called a user manual.

In 2013, Ivar Kroghrud, co-founder, former CEO, and lead strategist at the software company QuestBack, spoke with Adam Bryant at the New York Times about his leadership style. Kroghrud revealed that he had developed a one-page “user manual” so people could understand how to work with him. The manual includes information like “I appreciate straight, direct communication. Say what you are thinking, and say it without wrapping your message,” and “I welcome ideas at any time, but I appreciate that you have real ownership of your idea and that you have thought it through in terms of total business impact.”

Kroghrud adopted the user manual after years of observing that despite individual dispositions and needs, employees tried to work with everyone in the same way. This struck him as strange and inefficient. “If you use the exact same approach with two different people, you can get very different outcomes,” he says.

The user manual aims to help people learn to adapt to one another by offering an explicit description of one’s personal values and how one works best with others. This shortens the learning curve for new employees, and helps everyone avoid misunderstandings.

Kroghrud says his team’s response to his user manual is 100% positive. “I think it just makes them open up. And there’s no point in not opening up, since you get to know people over time anyway,” he explains. “That’s a given, so why not try to be up front and avoid a lot of the conflict? The typical way of working with people is that you don’t share this kind of information and you run into confrontations over time to understand their personalities.”

Reading the interview, it struck me that it’s not only leaders who ought to write user manuals. Having worked at Bridgewater Associates, a hedge fund notorious for creating “baseball cards” for every employee--which list each individual’s strengths, weaknesses, and personality test scores--I know how helpful it can be to have a user manual of sorts for everyone on a team. So my editor and I decided to test it out.

I followed the structure Abby Falik, founder and CEO of Global Citizen Year, used to write her user manual.

On LinkedIn, Falik describes how she “sat with questions like: Which activities give me energy, and which deplete me? What are my unique abilities, and how do I maximize the time I spend expressing them? What do people misunderstand about me, and why?”

She synthesized these answers into a six-section manual:

My style What I value What I don’t have patience for How to best communicate with me How to help me What people misunderstand about me

Each section contains four or five bullet points. While points may overlap between sections, the goal is to stay succinct and specific. Given many workplace conflicts stem from differences between employees’ personal styles, these categories help ensure your colleagues (and you) understand not just who you are, but how to engage with you most productively.

While filling out my user manual, many responses felt run-of-the-mill: Interviews, first dates, and a life-long obsession with personality inventories have prepared me to recite how much I value honest, explicit feedback; personal relationships; and providing support for those I care about. And how little I can tolerate lying, pretense, or discrimination.

Fittingly, my editor (whom I chat with all day every day) wasn’t surprised by my “resume level” responses. Nor was I shocked by hers, which included collaboration, humor, courage, specificity of feedback, and tight deadlines. Obvious as these core values may be to those we spend significant time with, documenting them gives colleagues a mental rubric to check when confusion or conflict--like a blunt statement or missed deadline--arise.

But sections like “How to help me” and “What people misunderstand about me” pushed both of us to go deeper, acknowledging the insecurities that colleagues may not notice on a daily basis. These insecurities--the ones we’re good at hiding, and hesitate to probe in others--are the root of most workplace and personal struggles. While somewhat uncomfortable to document, sharing these descriptions was the most relieving and rewarding aspect of writing the manual.

As a chronically anxious person, I shared that I’m bad at compartmentalizing, so occasionally, personal struggles overwhelm and distract me at work. One way to help me is to create an environment where it’s okay for me to admit I’m anxious and ask for some space. Flexible deadlines are also useful, as is knowing that I can occasionally leave the office early to rest. Upon reading this, my editor validated these feelings, saying she too struggles with anxiety. She gave me permission to step out whenever things get over my head. Simple as this sounds, I felt a massive weight lift.

I also wrote that I’m an intense over-achiever, and tend to excessively critique myself when I feel my work isn’t up to par. To help, though it felt indulgent, I asked for praise when I do really well, as it motivates me to stay ambitious, and to be called out when I’m hating on myself. My editor admitted that she’d noticed this tendency, and would take a stronger stance next time I spiraled, as she knew I’d appreciate it, not be offended.

Lastly, as a naturally blunt person, I shared that people often perceive me as cold or single-minded. To help, I asked that colleagues let me know if I’m too brusque, and share their counterarguments, as the real sign of intelligence is “strong opinions, weakly held.” After reading this, my editor shared a concern that she wasn’t blunt enough with me. This was an excellent opportunity for clarification, as I told her I wouldn’t want her to change her communication style to match mine, and that I valued learning from her softer approach.

While my editor’s personal manual points are hers to share, they also facilitated invaluable clarity. For example, she wrote, “Help me protect my time. I have an easy time saying no to pitches, but when it comes to people asking for my help, I always want to say yes--so I can wind up overextended and overwhelmed.” Given I Slack her at least hourly, reading this point pushed me to inquire whether the frequency of our conversations is overbearing--a worry I’d always held. She assured me that it wasn’t, and we agreed to let each other know when we need space.

If anything, this process highlights the importance of including a call for feedback at the end of your manual. It’s essential to acknowledge that this is a living document, to be adapted as you get to know yourself and your colleagues better. I pulled from Kroghrud’s manual, which ends with: “The points are not an exhaustive list, but should save you some time figuring out how I work and behave. Please make me aware of additional points you think I should put on a revised version of this ‘user’s manual.’”

Fun and cathartic as our manual writing experience was, my editor and I couldn’t help but wonder how much time and stress we could’ve saved by writing and sharing these manuals seven months ago, when we began working together. What’s more, we considered how little we knew (and how much we wanted to know) about the dispositions and preferences of our coworkers.

Psychological safety--the ability to share your thoughts and ideas openly, honestly, and without fear of judgment--has been repeatedly proven the key to innovative, happy teams. Whether you’re a manager or young employee, writing and sharing a user manual has a clear business payoff. The better a team knows one other, the easier it will be for them to navigate conflict, empathize with one another, and feel comfortable sharing, critiquing, and building upon one another’s ideas.

Thirty minutes spent writing a manual can save hours analyzing and predicting what your colleagues like and hate. What’s more, if my experience is anything to draw from, sharing manuals with your colleagues will build connection, and make you feel less alone. I know I’ll take any opportunity to celebrate the fact that on the inside, we’re all a little bit crazy.

[kakiokuru]

NOBORIZAKA: NOVEMBER RAIN

Chapter Eleven | Unrequited Feelings

It’d have taken a miracle. For Reika, she trained as hard as her tiny body possibly could. Under Nanami’s intense training regiment, not a single second was wasted, not a moment’s rest was allowed, and especially not a fraction of energy was used for anything but focus. Yet, after all the blood, sweat, and tears put in, the reality was, she was marching to her death with Kazumi in tow. The training she was under was less than gentle, working until the group was scolded to leave by the school’s custodial staff. All in all, Reika was lucky that she missed one punch from a very reluctant Yumi, even luckier with the hits that did connect since they were light and gentle to any normal person. Reika had the bruises to show for it too.

“Ahh, I always feel ready for anything after a good, long meal! Thanks for the food Reika!” Kazumi patted her stomach with an overzealous grin. “I bet everyone else will be jealous they didn’t come along! Having gourmet food from a person with your type of budget was amazing!” Kazumi stretched her arms out, thoroughly pleased by the day thus far. Having a well-earned lunch the day after a hard day’s training was the ideal way to go into a big event in her eyes. “The meat will really keep you energized for your fight! Proteins are everything!” Kazumin then proceeded to list the beneficial nutrients and vitamins of the food they just had. It was the one thing that she strived in.

Reika smiled meekly, clutching her tablet. She thought having lunch beforehand may give her stamina, or perhaps make Kazumi happy enough to leap into her position. But the further along they went, the more of her spirit left her body. She felt her heart beating uncomfortably and her gaze was hard to raise from the ground. She was genuinely afraid, all of the confidence and drive just… died as soon as she woke up today. But Yumi said she believed in her so she had to do this. She had to make her proud somehow, hoping that there was some underlying chance that Yumi would look her way. And if that meant being destroyed by a girl who was named for a low class athletic activity then so be it.

“Ah yeah, the fight.” Reika pressed her index finger against the side of her head from habit. Normally glasses would be adjusted this way, but today she had to wear contacts. There were definitely no Maeda-like triggers to be had with her, besides her glasses were expensive. “We should probably have a code, for when you need to step in.” Reika nodded once as she leaned towards Kazumi. “Like a safe word, or as wrestlers would put it; a ‘tag in.’”

“Tag in?” Kazumi tilted her head.

“It’s when one person switches to another fighter during the fight. Sometimes they clap hands or say a certain word.”

“Heh?! I'm only here for when you can’t fight anymore… There's no need, I’ll be there when you can't get up.”

“Wouldn’t it be more reasonable to do it when I need it rather than when I’m already defeated?”

“Maiyan’s plan is to come in after, not during.”

Reika sighed, staring down at the concrete underneath her loafers. “There really isn't a way around this, is there? I'm going to die today.”

Kazumin then gave the president a hearty pat on the back. “Oh, don’t say it like that! No yankee has ever died from a challenge! Naachan told me so. Yankees just take really long naps, like Waka!”

Reika paused in her tracks, darting her attention at the bigger girl. Was she serious? She knew Kazumi wasn’t the smartest but there were no way she was that oblivious. She had to be playing some kind of mind game or wasn’t taking her seriously. “Th-that’s not right at all! My records clearly show that there have been at least one yankee related death from a little over five years ago, during Maeda’s time!” Reika stared at her in firm shock, adamant to disprove the tank. “Nishino-san must be lying to you and a very unreliable source of information if she says things like that because that is blatantly false.”

Her brow visibly twitched. “Naachan isn't a liar.”

“In this case, yes she is a liar. I'm sure this isn’t her first dishonest act towards you.” Reika spat back at her, a little bit more spiteful than she had intended. Surely, Kazumi couldn’t be this naive. “A good friend wouldn’t make a dangerous lie like that.” Reika spoke with her thoughts aloud, even uttering her personal biases that she’d usually keep to herself. This time pertaining to her dislike of the particular girl in question. “Although, Nishino-san isn’t really a good anything if I'm honest…”

That struck a nerve. Kazumi stopped in her tracks with a firm crunch of the thin veil of snow, crossing her arms over her coat in a huff with a large frown painted on her lips. “Naachan is a great friend, I’ve known her since we were in preschool. If she wants to tell me things to spare my feelings then that means she's an even better friend!!” Kazumi practically shouted at the schoolmate in her already naturally booming voice. “Do you think I’m stupid that I really wouldn’t know people could die?! Going through life spouting negative feelings and dark facts will only make you sad, so shut up! You don’t know anything!”

Reika scrunched her face in discomfort upon realizing what she had said and to whom. Nanase was Kazumi’s best friend and therefore would no way would share the same distaste for the former. She wouldn’t even know the president’s situation or why she would have a single reason to dislike Nanase, no one should but Yumi at this point. There was no way her words could be justified–

“You’re only talking smack about Naachan because Waka liked her more back then… That’s unfair! You’re mean!”

Reika’s eyes nearly fell out of her head, snapping wide in disbelief. Her mouth fell open as she could only stammer in the shocking realization. No way… No way Kazumi could have known. No one should have known about her affections for the yankee. No one was meant to know and she couldn’t have been obvious. They were feelings she buried within her so just how? Reika wouldn’t even record it in her personal records, a thing that included even excruciating detail in every other account. From illnesses, to baby photos. But nothing ever on Reika’s sexuality.

“How did you… I-I think you’re confused, Kazumin.” Reika raised her hands in an attempt to feign ignorance. “Something like that would be idiotic to get angry over, besides I’m not–”

“I’m not smart but I’m not stupid. Just because I don’t get high marks on tests doesn’t mean I’m blind! I notice things!! You’re the real idiot here!” Kazumi puffed her cheeks, actually shouting. “Go alone, I didn’t want to fight anyways!!” In a robust huff, Kazumi stomped off in the wrong direction, choosing to go the convenience store route over the path home.

Reika was alone on a Majijo school path.

Rather than fear, she was filled with remorse, regretting over the words she used in a topic that was more personal she was too late to realize. Kazumi didn’t get angry often or easily, but Nanase was her best friend, would kill and die for her. Reika knew that and she still crossed the line. She should have stayed quiet. Being intelligent was a blessing and a curse, more often than not unable to understand social cues and was careless in the way she handled emotions that weren’t her own. Now she had to pay for her mistake, everything was on her completely. There was no running from this.

Walking the trail while fighting her cold feet, Reika kept her head high. By now, the yankees recognized the white top and dark plaid skirt, what school the timid president represented, and why she was here. Fighting up to the gate meant nothing, so no one touched her. In fact, because of the broken knee incident from a few days prior, they backed away and cleared a path for her up until the front doors. The prissy girls are the ones to look for, and Reika was definitely one of the more sophisticated ones among them. They didn’t want to risk it. However, looking into her eyes all you could see was screaming. The knowledge that she could possibly end their teams noble struggle with one fatal misstep weighed heavily on her shoulder. God, she was really doing this.

Reika bit back her hesitation and strode into the school while mustering up some sort of aura of confidence. Once inside, the smell once more hit her like a brick wall. This time it was the overly spicy kick of hot pot broth wafting through the air and into her nose from a classroom as she walked down the hall. She still couldn’t believe the school allowed a gas burner in the middle of a class, even a Japanese charcoal grill for that matter. But the girls who would crowd around the boiling pot quickly made sure to spread news Reika was there, earning her a small audience at her heels. They quickly made sure Reika knew what they were thinking, cursed and slurred, bash and intimidate, anything to make her lose her nerve. All that bounced off her supposed tough skin as she kept herself grounded with Yumi’s pep talk. The girl of her affections was counting on her.

Sooner than later, she let the crowd subtly direct her to the bottom of the stairs. There was no way she could climb them. It was something no one should do unless it was to take on the top, unless they wanted to be beaten down that is. With all the ruckus, one would simply assume Yoga would know and head down. That didn’t stop the Noborizaka president from calling out in a firm voice.

“Iriyama Anna, I’ve come to fight for Noborizaka’s name.”

Loud clacking against the tiled stairs sounded her end. From around the corner, a girl with the most sleek and orderly hair, wearing a purple rayon sukajan appeared with a calm but dark aura around her. Her piercing eyes honed in on the prefect, giving her a hateful and unamused glare. The students behind her all moved two paces back for every step Yoga took, gripping the walls out of fear and respect. Her cold, uncaring eyes scanned the crowd in disapproval. The day had only just started and the atmosphere was already been tainted with malevolent energy sourced from the small fry about.

“The air here is bad.” Yoga stopped mere inches from the class president, gazing around the corridor before meeting her eyes. “Follow.” Was said clearly, before the elder girl glided around her and down the hall to the right.

“A-Ah, yes ma’am.” Reika nodded a couple times, her hand coming up to adjust the missing glasses out of nervous habit and hugging her tablet to her chest as she hurried to follow along.

Three rights, a couple long halls, and a cut through the back courtyard. Reika was given a very generous tour of their derelict excuse of a school. From it, she gauged there were absolutely no teachers, just loose girls doing as they pleased until the school said they could graduate. She had to wonder what merit there was in attending a place like this. What was so appealing about being a yankee and graduating with no education? Reika would never understand.

It seemed like Yoga couldn’t find ‘good air’ until the two were in the gym storage closet. The door shutting behind Reika’s back was the heaviest sound she had heard in a long while, earning a small jolt of fear from her. This gym appeared similar to the one in Noborizaka but the stark difference of cleanliness and overall inventory left an impression. These girls couldn't even have proper equipment for recreational activity. That or they've been stolen or used for unintended purposes. Either way, Yoga deemed this place to have ‘good air’ so Reika has no more than a few minutes to say her prayers.

“You know, I hate dirty things.”

Reika perked up, bringing her attention off of her nerves and to her rival. She did know that, had records saying so. It was why Reika decided to take extra care in her presentation.

Yoga slid her jacket off, neatly hanging it on a hook against the wall. “Dirty faces, dirty clothes, dirty language.” Listing as she turned, she pressed her fists into her hands, cracking her knuckles against her gloved palm. “But you, you’re different.”

Reika felt her uneasy feelings grow with each pop of her opponent's joints, her heart beating loudly in her ears. She had spoken for school assemblies, reported to high position parents and faculty, but nothing gave her nerves like this. “I-I understand.” She quickly emptied her pockets, carefully placing her precious tablet next to her possessions by the door, tying her hair into a neat ponytail with the thin scrunchie on her wrist.

“You understand nothing. You aren’t a yankee.” Yoga raised her hands, pressing them together in front of her chest and prayer position, her signature fighting stance. “You’re barely a fighter. Your aura bears no trace of hostile nature at all and yet you stand before me. You aren't fighting for anyone’s sake. You’re only trying to save face in front of your friends and classmates.”

Reika’s eyes widened slightly in surprise. “That’s not–”

“It is, isn’t it? One look at you and I can clearly see that you aren’t a match for even the lowest weeds in Majijo. This is a wasted effort. A waste of everyone’s time.”

“You’re wrong!!” Reika balled her fists, raising them. For once she could feel a small frustration burn inside of her.

“Am I now?” Yoga narrowed her eyes.

“There is someone.” All she could think of was that hand against her head, that warm smile that gave her hope and told her how she was believed in. They tried so hard to prepare her for this moment. She couldn’t let them down. She couldn’t let Yumi down. “There is someone that I’m fighting for.” Her fists clenched deeper into her palm as she felt a wave of emotional adrenaline well up inside her. “Wakatsuki-san is counting on me… she said she believed in me! So, come at me with all you have! I won’t lose!”

Reika took a deep breath, lunging forward towards the Queen. Her fist flew into empty air, her eyes crashing closed the second she moved and unable to realize that the other girl was already a step ahead of her. It earned her a sharp palm against the chest and then an elbow to the spine, sending her directly onto the floor. With the wind knocked out of her, Reika curled into herself as she experienced true physical pain for the first time.

“Fighting for someone’s sake isn’t enough.” Yoga stared down with uncaring eyes.

The Noborizaka president was pitiful, coughing and trying to steady her breath again. One move and she already looked done. She could completely tell that Yoga didn’t even use her full force with that hit, only trying to incapacitate her. Was she not worth it? Was she that weak? Either way, how did she really expect to win?

No, no more negative thoughts. Reika wasn’t finished yet, she could endure the pain. This was nothing compared to the near three years of heartbreak. She had to fight back. At least hold out and land one hit. Something to take pride in. With a loud groan, she peeled herself off the dusty floor, holding her chest and gasped out. “I can’t lose, I won’t! She’s relying on me so I refuse to go down like this!”

Another lunge, another sloppy swing. Yoga didn’t need to do anything more than take a step to the right and slap opponent’s back firmly with her palm, sending the girl into the wall with a loud thud. However, as she watched her rival hang off the wall, her words resonated with her, struck a familiar chord that Yoga understood too well. She let out a soft sigh, lowering her hands. This girl was just like her. Pining for the approval of someone who would never pay her even a glance. The need and want to be part of the life of the person she admired so fondly. She pitied Reika, because she was just as Yoga was.

“Give up. That girl isn’t going to want you even if you miraculously beat me. Like I said, a waste of your time.“ Locking eyes with her opponent, she saw a clear reflection of herself behind those deep brown eyes. She liked someone she had no chance with. “Have some self-respect and fight for yourself. Not for someone who might not even pay you special mind after this. At least that way, you have a reason to go on.”

“You’re wrong…” Reika glared at her, moving off the wall. The long-haired girl was basically telling her to give up on her love. Her love is what got her to this point, it’s what drove her to want to change. After everything she had to endure, how could she simply let go? “If there’s even a sliver of a chance, I won’t give up.”

Yoga mentally rolled her eyes. She had to admire her drive but she was so… stubborn. She wouldn’t listen to logic so easily, despite her intelligence. Maybe she did have some yankee in her. Still, Yoga couldn’t help but feel empathy towards the girl she spoke to. However, she was still a challenger. Yoga strode over to her, striking her across the cheek with her swift palm and throwing her on the floor once more with ease. “Take this is advice from someone who experienced a similar situation…” Yoga offered her hand down to the pitiful class president. “Fighting because someone is relying on you will mean nothing even if you win. There is no merit, no drive. No reward if your feelings are unrequited. In the end, you’ll just be disappointed. Save yourself from that and you will be better off.”

Reika looked up at her, taking in her words. Was she saying that she and her were the same? That seemed quite impossible for a bold yankee. Yet, there was clarity in her fighting advice and held truth. “I don't have a single drive to fight if it's not for her…” Reika wiped the blood from her lip, pulling herself up without the extended hand. “For the first time, Wakatsuki-san noticed me seriously when I was chosen to fight.” With simply remembering it, Reika felt her face grow warm as a lump of frustration grew in her throat. “She finally left that no good delinquent. She looked so pained all day until she smiled at me and told me ‘It'll be okay’ and ‘I believe in you.’” Reika felt her eyes begin to water as the frustration began well up and take over her. In a small burst of anger, her fist slammed against the wall with a resounding thud. “Why won't she notice me?! I don’t care if I’m a rebound or whatever!!” Reika’s voice cracked and echoed off the dusty walls, reverberating her emotions with emphasis. “But this… this was the only way… I hate fighting… I hate Nishino! I know how impossible this is but I can’t fail here! I don't want to disappoint her, I can’t!!”

Yoga watched the girl unravel, lowering her gaze for a moment. She understood her frustrations, even if she didn't know the girl formally. She understood them probably better than anyone her enemy came across in her daily life. The desperation of seeing the one you care about not pay you any mind, the painful knowledge of the one you loved was taken by another by someone better, the torturous fear of letting them down, and the soul-crushing rejection when you did. It was the worst, most unhealthy place to put yourself but because you cared, you wanted them happy. Though she could never hate her superior who was like a mother to her. Yoga couldn't live like that that anymore or else she would have ended up like Reika.

Letting a soft sigh out, she pulled a lavender handkerchief from her skirt pocket, offering it to her. “Here.”

Reika looked up with tears streaming down her now red, puffy cheeks, confused by the gesture. Nevertheless, she accepted the cloth, wiping her eyes and cheeks with it. “Thank you…”

Heels clicked against the tile as she paced back to hangers. “Like I said, I hate dirty faces.” Quietly, Yoga retrieved her jacket from the wall and slipped her arms through the sleeves. “Reality is harsh and unforgiving. But living for anyone but yourself will only end in pain. I learned that the hard way when Salt-san told me I shouldn't have bothered fighting Sakura and then being comforted by Otabe.” Yoga flicked her hair out from under her jacket, rubbing her neck with her gloved hand. “Blaming another girl or doing things you hate to look good for a person who won't love you is shameless. One day you'll find a girl who'll look at you and believe in you without needing you to change. It may take a while, and she could be someone you don't expect, but be patient.” There was nothing but sincerity in her voice as she crossed her arms. “But you're smart, You should know that already.”

She was right. All of her words. Reika curled her lips in, feeling her anger melt away with logic replacing it. If she thought back, it really was no one but her own fault things turned out this way. Hating Nanase for doing what she couldn't, having what she couldn't. It wasn't right. She wasn’t even sure if she truly hated Nanase anymore or if it was only pure envy “You're right. I should apologize to Nishino-san… Though, she wouldn't want to hear from me even if I did apologize, would she…” Reika couldn't meet her eye as she spoke, gripping the handkerchief to her chest. “You really think so? Thank you… You know, you're not what I thought you would be.”

“What? A big, angry yankee who is nothing more than a pair of fists?”

“Not at all!” Well, sort of. “I thought the Queens were these great pillars of strength, come strong and not care for talking. Or just be flat…”

The Majijo Queen exhaled, “Normally, I wouldn't care, but you remind me of myself. Whether you take my words or not is up to you. In any case, seeing as brought emotions to a fight and didn’t strike back, this was my victory.” Yoga noted the girls appearance, bruises forming on any exposed skin and a emotional breakdown, the result was obvious.

“You’re wrong!!”

With that loud bellowing but familiar voice, Reika snapped her attention to the door while Yoga turned her head, dropping her hands with an irritated look.

The door slid open with a resounding black and in the doorframe was an idiot, rice grains stuck to her face and an angry pout on her lips. Kazumi in all her food-loving glory. She took one glance at her school president’s bloody lip and her cheeks puffed up in hatred. Fire grew in her eyes, her fists balling at her sides. “You hurt Reika!” Kazumi growled out as she extended her hand with an accusatory finger pointed at the Queen. “I'm going to ‘tag in’! Reika, don’t worry, I'll protect you!!”

“Tag… in?” Yoga furrowed her brow, tilting it to the side with mild disgust. This girl was exactly the thing she hated, from the mess on her cheeks to the yellow smudge– was that a mustard stain on her uniform? The very presence of the tall female was offensive to each of Yoga’s senses. Like Bakamono, she was too dumb to even realize she was shouting at the top of her lungs instead of talking like a regular person. A pest, a noisy one. “Who are you?”

“I'm going to punish you for hurting my friend! Just one, ah, second…” Kazumi patted her skirt pockets, tugging the contents out and scurrying to load them into Reika’s palms. Two lukewarm curry buns, a handful of assorted treats, and a slew of colourful candy wrappers. With a small smile, she raised her hand to the bloody class president. “Reika, watch my stuff okay? We can share afterwards!”

“A-Ahh–… okay?”

Yoga was thoroughly confused. Was she trying to take over the fight? Win for her? Not unheard of but definitely not taken well. For the sake of a team, yankees would throw themselves at anything. But this girl– Yoga didn’t even want to touch her let alone fight. God, this girl was disgusting to be around, probably sticky too. Ugh. She put her hands up in a fighting stance once more. “I’ll make this quick then.”

Raising one finger, she dropped her idiotic grin, replacing it with a scowl and disapproving frown. “I said one second, I'm not ready yet.” Kazumi slowly and carefully used her fingers to brush back the mess of her hair, pulling it up into a neat ponytail with the hair tie around her wrist. “I know, it's my fault I'm late. Reika wasn't suppose to get this hurt. You really went too far, lady.” The idiotic girl’s tone lowered and steadied into a serious intensity as she rolled her sleeves up to her elbows. “I’m late because I was really angry, I ran off on my own and let this happen. And now I forgot why and came back. Then I heard Reika say sorry and remembered.” Kazumi patted Reika’s shoulder before stepping away to face her opponent. “So thanks for that. We’ll talk later, okay?”

“Kazumin…”

With an uncharacteristic smirk, Kazumi faced the elder Majijo girl with her fists raised. “Being beaten by you was a good punishment for her. But I won't let you lay another finger on in her without walking away without a scratch. You still haven’t really won yet. It’s my turn.” Her eyes narrowed into a strong and piercing glare. “You’ll pay.”

Yoga stepped back in surprise. Her aura, her demeanour, her speech, her eyes, everything was different. Dark, powerful, familiar. The same as the legends of a past student who was infamous in Majijo. Was this girl, who still had rice clinging to her cheeks, really a match for her?

Suddenly, without any warning, Kazumi jolted forward, swinging her leg towards the girl's head. A direct hit, Kazumi’s brown leather loafers impacted itself into Yoga’s cheek with enough force to send her into a pile of floor mats and hurdles. Yoga cried out in pain as gripping her cheeks while blood spilled from her lips, but there wasn't a second to recover. Kazumi was ruthless, instantly grabbing her by the hair, slamming her head into the wheeled blackboard against the wall beside them, once, twice, and a third time.

Reika watched in horror as her idiot companion, straddled the opponent after, dropping fist after fist. Was this really what Kazumi was capable, unbridled strength that looked as if it could even scare Yumi? If she was this strong, why did she stop? This was a completely new side that Reika had no knowledge or record of. And it was… strangely appealing.

The horrible onslaught of punches wouldn't let up. Blood pooled out of her victim’s mouth and nose, making a splatter mess with each attack but Kazumi didn't care. Yoga attempted to grab the girl's wrists, but it didn't help. Kazumi saw her attempts and rose to her feet, giving her a swift kick to the side the second she tried to get up. “Don't try it.” Kazumi looked down with a cold glare, watching her groan in pain and sweat with fatigue. “I win.” The tall smirked again, wiping the tiny splash of blood from her cheeks with her thumb.

Kazumi straightened out, staring down at the now unconscious girl before tugging out the black tie from her hair. Turning on her heels, suddenly that familiar idiotic smile appeared as if she had no worry in the world, like she didn’t just beat someone into a bloody pulp. Kazumi raised her fists with triumphant glee, bouncing in place with her eyes beaming with pride. “I win! Reika, did you see? Did you!” Her voice heightened as she shouted with excitement while she rushed over to the beaten class president with her hand extended. “Let's go home! Before the buns get cold!”

After Kazumi stuffed her pockets with the snacks she had her friend hold, Reika took the hand extended to her, more lost than ever. Suddenly she had a million questions floating around her head, unable to grasp one to ask. Kazumi was known to be strong, incredibly so. Except, she had a heart of gold and was known as a newly proclaimed pacifist. Although, Reika didn’t know why. No one did, well, with the exception being Nishino Nanase. If the reason why was because of the attitude she had just displayed , that didn’t make too much sense, even from a yankee perspective. She needed to ask. She wasn’t even sure how to bring it up.

Kazumi may not look it but she was just as complicated and complex it seemed. Her own person with her views, thoughts, and reasons. As she said before, she’s not stupid, only slow. Even right now, she seemed just as distracted by her own thoughts. Understandable. Kazumi pushed the heavy metal door open, holding it open for the school president to exit. “What are you waiting around for? Come on!”

“Ah! Nothing, sorry.” Reika cleared her throat, quickly gathering her tablet and smaller objects and  hugging them to her close to her body as she walked to the door. Hesitantly, she glanced over her shoulder to see the Majijo Queen defeated body among the bloodstained mats and felt a knot in her stomach. Fighting was definitely not for her. With Kazumin’s lead, they both managed to building exhausted but victorious.

Kazumi stretched one arm over the other to relieve her joints with a satisfied sigh as the two walked along the river bank. “Now that we won, we should go get a nice, big congratulatory meal! I’m thinking grilled meat! What about you?”

Reika looked up at her. “Kazumin… What was that…?”

“Uh, grilled meat? You know the one where you cook yourself on a table grill and tongs and–”

“You were… completely different…” Reika shook her head, trying to expand on what she thought she saw in easier terms for Kazumi. She wanted to know the reason for the completely change in character and the easy revert back to how she is now. “What I saw… it was a different person, in fact. Is this why you stopped fighting?”

She paused. “Ah, that?” Kazumi unwrapped one of her candies from her pocket, popping the sweet treat into her mouth. She swished the candy around her cheeks, crossing her arms. “Sort of. Naachan calls it my ‘youth drama mode.’ It’s cool name isn’t it?” That stupid smile appeared just as quickly as it faded. Her hand came up as she rubbed her neck in thought, her cheek puffing out. “It’s super dangerous… It’s actually how Naachan and I became friends.”

“Is it really?” Reika tried to read her face, to see any details she kept locked away.

Kazumi was a mystery to her. Someone so open and dopey, yet, so secretive and serious behind the face she put up. An open book yet closed, to be judged purely by what’s on the cover, a childish drawing of herself. Reika only knew of the synopsis of her book. A yankee girl who wanted to turn her life around and studied hard for a better future alongside with her best friend. A cliche story at best, but Reika finally realized she never truly understood the full novel. Honestly, with the front Kazumin put up, she never really felt like asking.

“Kazumin, if you don’t mind me asking… May I know why you became a pacifist?”

Kazumi shifted the hard candy around in her mouth, looking down at her with an unsure purse of her lips. “Mm… It’s a really long story though, and really boring…”

“It’s a long walk back, I don't mind–”

“Ahh!! Fine, you pulled it out of me.” Kazumi threw her hands up in a dramatic fashion. She spit the candy out into the snow with a sigh, clearing her throat as her hands fell on her hips. Reika recoiled in surprise, grimacing at the careless and bold act from her teammate.

Kazumi tapped her chin, pursing her lips. “I guess I should start from the beginning…”

Reika scrambled to pull the tablet from her skirt, diligently tapping away at the screen to get the details coming towards her. “Go ahead, I’m ready.”

“Mm, in elementary school, Naachan and I were really good friends. Well, mostly because she was getting bullied a lot, you know? When she moved here for the first time, kid’s called her a lot of mean things so she tried to stand up for herself. But she was really weak, so she got hurt a lot in fights.” Kazumi took a deep sigh as she spoke, trying to remember the important details from so long ago. She never had the best memory, but for Nanase, she tried. “I had to defend her because I was bigger than most of the kids. That’s how we became best friends, even until now!” Her smile grew at the memories, but quickly faded. “But then, you know, Naachan got strong too… And she became a yankee. Where we went to school and grew up wasn’t the nicest area so I guess I saw it coming… Of course I had to follow her. I didn’t want Naachan to get hurt. I made it my mission to make sure she never got hurt!” Nodding firmly, Kazumi tapped Reika’s tablet, adding in a bunch of random letters to her log. “That was our entire middle school life. Naachan and I were a great team. Make sure you put that down!”

“Ah, yeah, of course!” The school president quickly deleted the extra characters.

“Okay, so back to the story… Naachan’s special. She is super fast! Yankee kids soon realized that people couldn’t hit her unless she let them. I was the strongest so to make sure she stayed safe in the end, I did most of the fighting while she distracted whoever was our opponent.” Kazumi loosely punched the air, kicking snow as they walked. “But Naachan is super careless, especially back then. And really mean to her opponents! There was a girl this one time, she had a knife and she tried to stab Naachan…” Kazumi raised her hand, imitating a small stabbing action from memory. “I snapped. All I could see was red, and that girl ended up in the hospital for a real long time. Her friends too, apparently Naachan had to pull me off with all she had. And even when she did that, I struck her too.” Kazumi lowered her voice, rubbing her bicep where faint scars hid underneath her sleeve. “I have a couple scars from that day too. Girls called me a monster, unstoppable. Stronger than Waka is, when I lose control that is. Though I’ve never seen Waka lose control so I’m not too sure one that. Could be equal… Hm…”

Reika looked at her in surprise, lowering her tablet. “Kazumi… I’m sorry…” It must have hurt having to remember something like that. “If it's too much you don't have too keep going–”

“No, no! It's okay! The good part is afterwards! Naachan patched me up and realized she was good at something!” Kazumi waved her hands slightly. “It’s why she came to Noborizaka!” Kazumi grinned at her, seemingly burying her unhappy memories and replacing them with happy ones. “Because I took the stab wound, Naachan decided to be a nurse when she graduated! Well, sort of. She won't admit it to anyone– Don't put that down! It's a secret!” Kazumi reached over, quickly hitting the back button on the tablet haphazardly, erasing parts that weren’t supposed to be erased.

“Hey– Hey! I'm sorry, I’ll fix it.” Reika scrunched her brown, pulling the tablet back and re-entering the missing bits.

“Anyways! When she did get here, she sort of relapsed into bad habits when she started dating Waka… But she still has her goal at heart! I know it!!” Kazumi spoke with pride, shoving her hands in her pocket. “But, after that fight, the one where I put people in the hospital, I was really broken up honestly. I didn't let anyone know about it and it affected me for a while. Depression and all. I know, hard to believe now. Scared to touch people, watched my anger, careful of my surroundings. All that not-so fun stuff. MaiMai was the one who told me about pacifism, said I didn’t have to fight if I didn’t want to. Violence is a choice.” She nodded a couple times, looking at Reika. “Really shined a light on everything.”

“Sounds like MaiMai.” Reika smiled in return.

“You didn’t meet me when I first started going here. But MaiMai was the first friend I made in my first year. She helped me a lot with my depression! I’m always grateful for that! MaiMai showed me that optimism is a great thing to have, and that focusing on the things that have gone wrong and dwelling on the past doesn't help anyone if you aren't looking towards the future.” Kazumi kept her smile as her hand landed on Reika’s shoulder. “By looking at the bright side, facing the future gets easier. Life is already hard as it is, but that doesn’t mean it has to be bad. The little joys matter. And that's the lesson I’m passing to you.”

Reika looked at her in thought. “Kazumin… You really aren’t as stupid as you put off.” Not an insult, and Kazumi didn’t take it that way. Instead, she smiled even brighter at the class president, hugging her arm. Reika couldn’t help but laugh softly, placing her hand on Kazumi’s. “Thank you, really.”

“Little joys matter so that means food! Can we eat now? I’m starving! Grilled meat is a little pricy, but you’re super rich! I’ll pay you back later!!”

“No worries, it’s my treat.”

To be continued…

[arkus-rhapsode]

Fairy Tail Chapter 521 Review

Let’s not waste time and dive right into FT chapter 521: The Strongest Mage

Oh god damn that’s cute. Hiro stop teasing the shippers, its going to end bad.

So we opened up with the newly restored Magnolia but the battle isn’t over-Wait What? Freed and Bickslow?! Where were you two during all this? Does Hiro just hate the Thunder God Tribe? Why aren’t you guys doing more stuff?

Um anyway another question I have, though this just may be a lot of nitpicking, why are all of them in Magnolia? Universe One was used to move Zeref to Fairy Heart. But it resulted in every one else getting moved around, so if Universe One is canceled shouldn’t everybody go back to where they were before hand, we see Lucy and Natsu get moved to her house which granted they weren’t there when universe one was activated but you see what I mean.

Mavis, shut up. You’ve proven you don’t have the right to act like the strategist a long time ago, stop trying to act like one now

Yes Laxus please keep coating on the message. But food for thought, why don’t you help fight instead of carrying the corpse? I mean you are heavily injured and recovered from cancer, Wahl’s fight, and the historia Hades fight. But clearly you have enough in you to walk and carry Makarov so maybe you should, I don’t know punch a fodder soldier.

MIRJANE BEAT JACOB!! yeah that’s not a surprise. Seriously, Mira is the second strongest woman in Fairy Tail and Jacob… Well Jacob is just awfuls so this fight wasn’t one I wanted to see.

Hiro are you self aware how stupid that quirk is? I mean just cause you acknowledge something is stupid or unfunny doesn’t automatically make it not stupid or unfunny.

Also “Strong”? Look Jacob’s magic, Stealth is transparency and that can be used in many cool ways. But Jacob didn’t use it to his fullest extent, I mean if you want to see someone use transparency to it’s fullest, check out Absalom from One Piece or if you want a Mashima character…

Ltangle from Rave used transparency amazingly against Musica. (Actually side trivia Ltangle is still the hardest character Mashima ever had to draw)

Umm where was I oh yeah Mira and Jacob are finished, next scene.

And Elfman and Lisanna beat Ajeel. OH COME ON, I WOULD’VE LOVED TO SEE THAT! I love Elfman and while I’m not the biggest fan of Lisanna, I totally could believe they could beat Ajeel. He’s even one of the more grounded in terms of magic, this would’ve been good.

Yajeel, when did you get here? No seriously when and actually how did you get here. Also Elfman thank you for having common sense.

And here’s also why I would’ve loved to see the Strauss siblings vs Ajeel because I get what this ending is trying to do, show both sides have families in this war, but this moment comes out of nowhere. We know Ajeel is the only spriggan with a shown family member that’s also on Alvarez’s side so have not only this fight be between Ajeel and the Strauss’s but also dive into Ajeel’s backstory, why is he fighting this war aside from being a Spriggan? He’s got family maybe he feels the need to prove himself. We never see Ajeel’s parents, maybe he lost them like Mira and Elfman lost Lisanna, Create some parallels between the Strauss and Ramal families that makes sense and earns this moment.

Again thanks for pointing out how selective this universe one thing is. I guess maybe they restoration just moved them outside the house. Also Brandish, Points for being smart enough to neutralize a potential threat. (Another side bar but is the outfit Lucy’s wearing looks just like the one she wore in the eclipse part of the GMG, I mean guys like Natsu and Laxus usually have the same outfit but Lucy’s clothing horse. It’s odd seeing her wear the same outfit)

No lie, this got a laugh out of me.

No ally? Brandish at this point I’m surprised you don’t have a fairy tail mark.

Wait Gray is still injured? Did you not heal him Porylusica? I ean you could say she has not magic and didn’t have the proper materials to perform healing but still you found blankets and bandages. Actually Lucy and Natsu are still prett banged up, were you going to fight Zeref in this condition?

Okay. Not going to lie but the imagery of standing atop Kardia cathedral with all this magic energy just shaking is pretty badass.

This just reminding why August is best Spriggan. His speech, his blood knight personality, and level of dread. It’s all so good.

He’s attacking with a meteor, well lets get Erza in on this right away

OR we go the route that makes sense and have Gildarts take it.

Oh don’t feel bad Laxus and Natsu broke that thing way before you did. Granted they didn’t utterly demolish it.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Gildarts vs August

No lie my reaction.

So with Gildarts handling this Natsu runs off to search for Gray.

Um Zeref I could kinda understand you knowing Jellal, kinda, but Laxus? You’ve never met him or heard of him. Do you just know every member of FT who was on Tenrou Island. As for Jellal he’s somewhere in a ditch right now, away from the plot.

And it’s Gray. So our next chapter will be ���Gray’s Trump Card”. Which knowing Zeref it really seems the best option would be Iced Shell and lock up Zeref away from everyone.

Also before I get into the post chapter follow up, there’s an announcement for next week having a color front page, okay. AN article on the “Dragon Cry” Movie, I don’t really care I just hope it’s a good movie. And it’s a double chapter, oh no. Look Hiro Mashima is an amazing artist and puts out material at an amazing rate, but that’s not a good thing for the story. Remember the Avatar arc and it’s constant double chapters? He was trying to zoom past it much as we wanted to. But this right Here is big, Zeref and Gray, Gildarts vs August, this is stuff you want to slow down for and give the proper time to.

Post Chapter Follow up: I want to like this chapter. It has a lot in it that I liked but also disliked.

Pros first, The set up with this is keeping me on the edge of my seat, it’s been awhile since I’ve been so eager to see some action, and unlike Erza and Irene where my standards for Erza fights were low, I have nothing but excitement for this.

GIldarts vs August, thank you Mashima for making a match up that makes total sense. Now this is going to sound odd but Honestly I’d be happy if they don’t show us the fight. What I mean is if they just cut to the fight ever now and then but no one’s winning or losing and have Zeref’s defeat or Acnologia arrival stop the fight because these two are so strong I don’t know if there is a way to make this truly satisfying.

Cons time now, for a build up chapter It really doesn’t do that till the ending pages. So in the beginning, were in this stretched out bit of recapping, that really nothing is going on.

But, it reaches this loss of momentum when we do the Strauss and Ajeel thing that makes everything stop for a moment that really doesn’t have enough foreshadowing and effort to make it as big as Hiro intended it to.

Final Verdict: 5/10

Just breaks even

Slow first half followed up by an impressive second half

Nothing terribly stupid but nothing of that much worth

[timothydutton1996]

Adding Your Ex Back On Facebook Blindsiding Useful Tips

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How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back When You Have A Child Together

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My Ex Came Back After 9 Months

[hub-pub-bub]

Maybe you just want to write a book and get it into people’s hands, but there are more dangers out there than you might realize.

To set the stage, I’ll go back to a recent event: the Amélie Wen Zhao controversy. You could be forgiven for not having heard about it, given that it’s only a big deal if you closely follow the world of young adult novels, and in particular the young adult communities on Twitter and Tumblr. I’ll do my best to summarize what happened.

Zhao is a young woman, born in Beijing, raised in Paris, educated in New York City and currently living there. She scored a 6-figure book deal with Delacorte Press, the first book of which was to be Blood Heir. Some reviewers got advance review copies. Then, a couple of things happened: Twitter user @LegallyPaige posted a tweet (since deleted) accusing Zhao of taking screenshots of tweets made by people who disliked her or her book, and of stalking and possibly harassing critics; marketing descriptions of the book, as well as tweets by advance reviewers like Ellen Oh, suggested that the book was racially insensitive as it focuses on an indentured servitude system with parallels to American slavery. There were also accusations of anti-blackness based on the treatment of a character who was racially ambiguous, at best, as well as talk of plagiarism that, as far as anyone who has read the book can tell, are not really credible.

Again, if you don’t run in these circles this might all sound like a pretty minor controversy–a mild storm that Zhao could easily weather. But YA Twitter doesn’t work that way. It is a microcosm of Twitter as a whole, dominated by clout-chasing “influencers” and full of cliques who follow what their preferred influencers say. If a book is presumed to be problematic, or the author presumed to be bad, it is a small matter to organize mass review-bombing on Goodreads, Amazon, or anywhere else one can have a say. If you speak out on behalf of someone accused in this way, you are inviting legions of opposing followers to come after you. The old adage is true: the only way to win is not to play the game.

Zhao herself chose not to play the game, as well. She wrote a thoughtful apology letter in which she announced the cancellation (or at least postponement) of Blood Heir. I’m not here to take issue with that decision, as it is a highly personal one. My purpose is to critique these cycles more generally.

All cards on the table: I’m a white man. I consider myself anti-racist as well as a feminist. I recognize the vast structural oppression that exist essentially everywhere, as well as the specific history of anti-black racism in the US. I am always on the side of social justice, which is why I think it’s necessary to call out the excesses of such movements.

For perspective, of course, in this case nobody died, nobody lost their livelihood. Zhao’s publisher stands by her and she will likely publish other books, and possibly Blood Heir itself after some revisions. What happened to her isn’t censorship, nor even what I would consider abusive. It’s more unfortunate than anything else.

What is concerning to me is the tendency to manifest an online mob on an extremely thin basis, and that the people who have large enough followings to spark these controversies know the power they wield, and don’t seem to have much sense of responsibility about it. Consider that this particular incident was sparked by an essentially anonymous accusation of screenshotting–an activity which is petty, at worst–and spiraled into allegations of racism.

As a writer, I do think it is very important to be sensitive to the issues of the world around me. It is entirely possible, even likely, to fall into unintentional racism or sexism. The best of intentions do not necessarily lead to a piece of writing that is free from the biases and inequities of our world. It is important to write mindfully, and to be careful not to reproduce oppressive cultural messages. This can take many forms, though. Some people object to depictions of racism, violence against women, and other horrors in the first place. Even if the purpose of portraying them is to critique them and make clear how awful those things are, there are readers who would rather not encounter such material in the first place. It is an understandable position to not want to read something like that, as it can mean having to face bigotry in fiction that you get enough of in your daily life. People who don’t want to read books like that are absolutely welcome not to!

Where I take issue is the idea that because someone doesn’t like a particular book, no one should be allowed to read it–that it should be withdrawn altogether. The comparisons to historically ineffective book bans apply pretty well here. In addition, it just seems like a big waste of energy. In a country where Donald Trump is President and is actively enabling literal Nazis to march in the streets and kill people, spending a lot of energy attacking a book that may not have anything all that wrong with it seems totally absurd. Yes, people can care about more than one thing at a time–but time and energy are finite resources.

I used the phrase “manufactured outrage” in the title, and that was with good reason. I have been around long enough to know that most of the time, these controversies are not drummed up out of a genuine concern for people who have been harmed, but to raise one’s own profile, and to demonstrate power as an influencer. (Note that all you really need to be an “influencer” is a lot of social media followers!) The emergence of the “#MeToo” movement, which has achieved some real accomplishments in terms of dislodging sexual predators from positions of power, has also put wind in the sails of online controversy-seekers. Everyone wants to be first in line to “cancel” the next “problematic” public figure. A writer faced with such a backlash might be inclined to simply ride it out, and hope the furor dies down after a few days. It usually does, but there is another problem: media coverage.

Only 15% of Americans actually use Twitter, and an even smaller share of those use it regularly. It would not have much influence over public debate except for one thing: it is massively popular among journalists and freelance writers, almost all of whom have column space to fill. Going out and investigating is difficult and expensive; mining Twitter for the latest clickbait topic, by comparison, is easy and free. Thus, these relatively tiny kerfuffles (consisting of a few hundred or a few thousand people, at most) get elevated to the level of national or even international discourse. Dozens of articles get written about online scuffles involving handfuls of people, and you’d think there was a real crisis brewing. The reality is just that journalists and freelancers tend to be Extremely Online (to use the Twitter jargon) and know that drama pulls clicks. This is a big part of the “manufacturing” of the outrage. We’re generally not talking about mass movements, here. “#MeToo” is a mass movement. “#Cancel[WriterOfTheWeek]” isn’t.

Another part of the “manufacturing” is that these outrages often emerge from circles that are not just insincere, but actively malevolent. Imageboard site 4chan and *chan sites of similar formats have forums where the entire point is identifying targets and organizing social media outrage against them. They tap into social justice circles and plant whisper campaigns that a particular person is problematic in some severe way–maybe the target is a sexual predator, or plagiarized parts of their book. If this can get picked up by a prominent influencer, the mob does the rest. Likewise, infighting is fomented by inventing wedge issues, a couple recent examples being “Santa shouldn’t be a man” and “pedophiles belong in the LGBT+ umbrella.” Yes, those are real things stirred up by bad actors and I did not make them up.

The point of all this is that it can be easy and exciting to focus on drama, to be an active participant in fomenting it. It might even feel good to play a role in getting someone to pay penance for their perceived wrongdoing. But it’s hard to say that any of it makes the world a better place, or actually serves any of the causes social justice is meant to. In Zhao’s case, one would think that her identity as an immigrant, a woman, and a person of color would bless her with the benefit of the doubt–but those things are instead liabilities, as she is held to a much higher standard than, say, the middle-aged white men who churn out sexist drivel every year.

A common piece of writing advice is to simply ignore critics. Critics will always find something to hate–it is essentially their job. That’s still true, to a great extent. It is sometimes necessary to publicly respond to criticism, but the best way to handle that is to take the high road. Let people know that they are heard and you are taking their advice into consideration–and then, decide for yourself what that means, and how it should change your work, if at all.

If you write a book condemning injustice, and people attack you and say you aren’t condemning it correctly, odds are there’s not actually anything wrong with your book–just the people doing the attacking.

Post written by J. D. Huffman so direct all fanmail to him <3

[goodoldianto-blog]

Romance guidelines:

How Guys Can Put together Rapport With Gals

The next article by Torkom Saraydarian presents invaluable relation recommendations on how guys can create greater rapport with females. Right here also, laughter is a vital aspect on the alternative. In Torkom’s words “If the couple participates in entertaining activities and plays numerous games with each other, they fuse their hearts, and their concerns are a lot easier to resolve.” The vast majority of our social problems, upheavals and troubles originate from unhappy relationships among women and men.

The ancient mystery schools stipulated that a man could not be a instructor until finally he held the keys to the many doors in the female psyche. This was a indicator of greater sensitivity and mastery of himself. In knowing to comprehend woman, man becomes finish. Girl, by contrast, is usually total if she hasn't abused herself by trying to be like a man.

Guys will need to find out about the nature with the “locks” in a lady and with regards to the right essential to implement for every. When a guy makes use of the wrong critical not just does he harm the lock while in the girl, but he also brings on himself additional difficulty since later on he will have to invest added labor and energy to open that broken lock. Alternatively, if a guy can use the perfect keys to a woman’s locks, he releases an amazing stream of healing energies from her. It will be a released lady who brings the highest-level kids on the world, as being a response to your a single who understood her.

Several guys became wonderful given that they had been married to women who helped them achieve that greatness. Their wives stood behind them, encouraged them, sacrificed and labored to deliver out the right in them. They grew to become serious guys. Such guys have said, “Without my wife, I could not have performed what I did.” Conversely, if a guy loses the respect of his wife on account of his personal lack of virtue and striving, he also loses power physically, emotionally, and mentally. Whenever a guy is deprived like this, his enterprise gets worse, his social relationships endure, and he acts like a child with his temper, tirades, and nasty deeds. Then his wife rejects him even more considering that she won't will need another youngster to care for.

Most males like a woman that is both much like their mom or just the opposite of their mom. That is an automated or mechanical response. Either they desire a female who loves and kisses them and reminds them with the total, unconditional appreciate their mothers gave them, or, if they hated their mother, they want another person who's just the opposite of her, who in no way resembles anything about her.

If a guy marries a lady who is much like his mom, he falls in to the danger of playing the child’s role. She becomes his mother, and he obeys her for the last degree. This kind of a guy feels unfulfilled if his wife doesn't act like his mom. This may be destructive to the marriage simply because the wife, seeing that her husband is simply not expanding, may possibly build resistance and resentment toward raising a child when she had thought she married a man. That wife will begin carrying out quite a few matters to produce her husband stand on his very own feet. She will create several complications and complications for her husband until he stands up and acts like a man.

A lady is really a man’s biggest asset in this globe in the event the partnership is accurate. A lady will inspire her husband, she will sacrifice herself for him, and with the most significant instances within a man’s life, she are going to be the 1 to achieve out, grasp his hand and pull him up. She will give him spiritual energy and almost everything that he desires. For these good reasons a guy ought to learn about to know gals and the way to relate to them superbly.

Girl has the capability to carry out the very best that's in guy. She evokes from man the right that he's. Guys will have to be grateful to females who do this.

Woman may be a challenger. Usually if a guy helps make a choice to carry out a little something after which will not do it, she shows him in some way that she thinks he is weak. She might even leave him. Then the man might use the psychology of blaming her and say, “She wished me to perform it, and when I did not, she left.” He forgets that he manufactured a decision, a promise. When he did not adhere to his decision or always keep his guarantee, she noticed in him an inferior man, and she didn't demand an inferior guy. If a guy can make a guarantee he need to hold it; otherwise, he shouldn't promise. A lady desires a guy who keeps his word. … A man really should value his wife because the highest issue in his daily life - greater than his online business or other interests. A man’s wife is his honor as well as the source of his joy, inspiration, energy, food, and wellbeing. She will be the mother of his youngsters. A guy have to sacrifice for her. Whenever he's with her, he will need to fail to remember all his outdoors interests and give her his complete interest.

A woman desires her husband to become kingly; she desires to determine him as noble, wonderful, and victorious. If a guy has dignity and inner really worth, a lady will respect him. A lady wants her husband to become right in all his tips, selections, and actions simply because he is her pride. If she sees he's genuinely valueless, it turns into just about like suicide for her since her dream and pride are gone. … A real man is usually a guy who will provide security for his wife on all levels: physical, emotional, mental, moral, and spiritual. To supply moral safety means that the man need to not act within a way that produces even suspicion within the mind of his wife. Suspicious phone calls, suspicious letters, appointments, and interviews all throw a lady off stability. She feels that she is dropping her protection. It will be crucial to get a woman to possess safety on all ranges.

A woman has spiritual safety when she feels that her husband or her fiance features a superb vision toward which he is striving. A man striving to attain a fantastic objective is a incredible source of security to get a female. She cannot be her greatest self without that vision. When she sees that her highest vision is manifested in her man by his striving, then she feels safe.

Female has safety when her area is just not limited.

Vision in her man expands her area; lack of vision in her guy limits her room. Woman requirements the sense of area she will get from guy: physical room inside the kind of prosperity, cash, furnishings, and residence; emotional and psychological space from a husband who certainly is aware of and understands factors; spiritual space enables a lady to produce her potential as far as possible. As a lot room being a man provides to his wife, so much does she increase and enhance in attractiveness, goodness, and wisdom.

A true guy evokes a spirit of striving from his wife or girlfriend. As an example, if she will school, he will challenge her to continue her training and earn a doctorate. If she is painting, he will challenge her to make much more and do superior. Anything that she previously has should be produced additional as a outcome from the encouragement and inspiration in the guy. Gals have got to continually create and expand their talents, or else they grow to be detrimental. If a guy isn't going to wish to be married to a nagging, vicious girl, then he will have to continually encourage and inspire her to produce her skills and capabilities. Plus the woman will be delighted that her husband or boyfriend is often a supply of courage and inspiration.

When a guy presents a vision or possibly a intention to his wife or girlfriend, it should not be offered as an order. Its a purpose. The man need to know what the lady currently wants to work towards before he presents his vision. Then before he states any goal, he will need to be one hundred percent confident that the Lady will just like the goal. He will need to understand what her ideas and her dreams are, put them into a sensible format of targets to accomplish, then verbalize the aims as anything the two of them can gain collectively.

Whenever a vision is presented by a guy on this manner, the girl will place all her efforts into achieving it. Being presented with targets that she loves, the girl is going to be polarized towards individuals targets and will orient her whole sense of economic climate toward fulfilling them. She won't waste dollars. She won't waste time. She will turn into even more organized and effective. She might be up-to-date on account of the vision.

Through the vision and purpose, the guy brings the woman’s inner urges, drives, and dreams into objective verbalization. This is certainly how men develop into near to their girls. … If a guy can make a correct selection, his wife will carry it out promptly. A genuine man makes right choices, and his wife loves it. Gals dislike wrong selections and getting forced to observe falseness. Whenever a man says to his wife, “The political condition is going to go like this, I tell you,” and after that he's proved incorrect, his wife feels he will not have his info straight and so doesn't have the appropriate to make political choices. Girls really don't like guys who just talk from their egos to appear very important.

If a woman feels that a man is utilizing his funds, his place, his career, or his know-how to suppress or humiliate her, she will dislike all that he has and it is. The identical issue is true for any man if a woman tries to impress her superiority on him. If, as an example, a lady says to a guy, “You are only generating $10,000 a year, but I am producing $80,000,” that man will come to feel humiliated and angry.

A woman adores a man that has a sense of responsibility, who takes care of her as well as youngsters and considerations himself with their well being and welfare. By way of example, if one of the little ones desires his teeth worked on as well as the husband says to his wife, “You deal with it; I'm active,” he is not showing obligation. If his wife is worrying or if she is sick, the man will have to not ignore it. He ought to take care of it. Once the woman knows that her husband is taking good care of her with genuine concern, she will be concerned much less and be more healthy.

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