#i really do believe that antonio is one of a few people who actually truly know roderich for who he is

[fuimus-troes]

antonio, who was married to roderich for 200 years, as soon as anyone states that they know roderich:

[myimaginarywonderland]

RedBull and their driver history (An essay by me)

RedBull has been in the sport since 2005 and I should mention that especially in the late 2000s/early 2010s they had a huge pole of talent in their academy. There was bound to be someone left heartbroken. However I think it’s worth talking about the damage the junior academy has cost to many drivers mental and also physical health. The team definitely isn’t good in the sense that they treated their juniors, the ones discussed below especially.

Christian Klien was one of the first drivers for the RedBull team. Just after his first two races he was replaced by Vitantonio Luizzi for 4 races before being put back into his seat again. RedBull didn’t want to lose Luizzi for them apparently while also not knowing which of the two they wanted to race for them. Then in 2006 he had his contract terminated before the end of the season. He refused an offer for an Indy drive because he felt he didn’t finish his F1 career. That was basically it for his RedBull stint.

Vitantonio Luizzi officially got a full season in 2006 with Torro Rosso but well, that was uneventful before he ultimately got dropped after 2007. Part of this was probably Seb performing with just 3 races. Luizzi has also critised RB for seemingly being unclear of the criteria with which they choose drivers, saying they dropped the drivers which brought results. This is understandable as he was the better teammate against Speed.

Scott Speed was Vitantonio’s teammate who in the later half would be replaced by none other than Sebastian Vettel. Now, I will say that Scott Speed himself has admitted he behaved horribly during that time and seems genuinely self-reflective. This horrible time escalated terribly in 2007 when it was even claimed to escalate physically between him and Tost which has been disproven by Scott. He still raced with RB after F1 where he later went to fill a lawsuit against them, a completely different story altogether. There was a lot going on behind the scenes and both he and RedBull seemed unhappy with each other. During his time in F1 he seemed to clash with both Berger and Tost, the former calling him “one of the stupidest drivers” he ever saw and accusing him of having no talent.

Sebastian Buemi is kind of a great driver where you ask what if. He drove in a time where Seb was in his glorious prime meaning there was almost all ressources focused on him. Buemi at that time had pretty average F1 results but was basically dropped because he wasn’t performing as expected. What needs to be noted is that continuously since his start scored points. It was first in 2011 that he was behind a teammate. Funnily enough that was also his last season eventhough it was the first one he did “bad” in. He was then strung along for a few seasons as reserve before he would join FE. Looking at his impressive career now it truly makes you think that he was just another victim of the RedBull family that just never got a chance. He was there when Seb was achieving miracles which meant there was never a potential for a RB seat and his Torro Rosso years were the most he would ever achieve.

Jaime Alguersuari is actually the first true victim for me but in comparison to others he actually had a chance. He openly talked about how he still has dreams/nightmares about his Torro Rosso time, how he was traumatized. He went to therapy and talks about how much Marko still haunts him to this day. He was also apparently notified that RedBull couldn’t help him anymore but didn’t really ever get a follow up to that and just had to connect the dots. While he seemingly retracted these statements I think people like to dismiss this way too much. I do not think he would ever bash a team like this if those things weren’t genuine struggles.

Antonio Felix da Costa is one of the most prominent from this RedBull curse. In 2012 (he was a reserve driver at the time for them I believe) he was notified by Marko after his Macau win that they would be great together. Franz Tost called Antonio also multiple times, told him that he was going to be his driver for 2013. Then he got a dreaded call, saying the seat was no longer his but Daniil Kvyats. During this entire time he gets along great with Seb. So good even that when Seb went to Ferrari he wanted Antonio to support him in the simulator. Helmut did not let this happen. That marked the end of that relationship.

Beitske Visser is maybe not a big example but you know, she was let go after a bad season in ADAC Masters. Not a great season but you know she still was better than her teammates at the end and it just makes you wonder why they let her go after basically one season in a bad car.

Jean Eric Vergne

Oh JEV. This is a long one, so buckle up.

There is a lot of resentment. Just in 2018 he went against them when they went back to get Brendon and stated that this door was firmly closed and he was focused on FE.

It all started when JEV became a Torro Rosso driver in 2012 when he went up against none other than Daniel Ricciardo who he outscored with more DNFs eventhough Daniel had better qualys. In 2013 they both were teammates again but this time Daniel outscored JEV who had more DNFs though. Even though JEV beat Daniel in his rookie season and points wise really wasn’t far off , it was Daniel that got called up to RedBull and he was replaced by none other than Daniil. The russian had less than half of JEVs point but still JEV was the one who was ultimately kicked from the team. Why? Because they needed a space for the underage Verstappen (I say this seeing as he legally should have never been allowed in F1 that early but everyone ignored it.) JEV himself questioned what would happen should Seb leave which Marko didn’t believe to be true. When it turned out true well, instead of renouncing the decision to fire him, JEV, who was having a better season, got kicked and the seat was promised to Kvyat. Franz Tost then wanted to keep JEV as an experienced mentor for May but RedBull were set on their rockie line up with Max/Carlos. Later Marko also went on to say how they just had better talents than Vergne and how he had his years. This stings because not only did JEV risk his mental health but also his physical one just to get a chance at a team that never considered him. What is interesting for me is also that there was never any seeming acknowledgement from RB to his hospitalization. You only find articles where it’s mentionedbut even those are more rare than you would expect considering he probably was there for at least a month during the off-season break.

I think what makes this is worse that looking at JEV’s juniors career already shows his great talent. Just before F1 he drove only 4 races in GP3 where he nearly scored as much as people who were there the whole season. JEV also himself has suspected that with his questioning of Seb’s possible departure he ultimately offended Marko’s ego who then in turn of course would not promote him.

So, bad yeah but what makes JEV so prominent?

Well, the reason why he was able to beat or challenge Daniel was because he starved himself. He was losing time which was due to his weight and he starved himself until he needed to get hospitalized in 2014. He attempted a diet until his body refused to work with him in this case. This was also a weeks-long hospitalization. He talks about how hard it was to fight Daniil because he had to gain weight again, causing him to be overweight and lose time. He also mentioned how he felt like a robot just doing and acting as he was told. He openly talks about this being the lowest point of his career. He dealt with a lot of frustration after this and you can openly see that during his first FE races he couldn’t care less even though he already showed his great talent then.

This hurts me especially because JEV is one of my favorite drivers. And an incredible person for frankly transforming into the champion he is now after what happened to him.

Alex Lynn is not really a victim as much as he proves the golden boy theory in a way. He was up against Max and Carlos for a seat and he knew he didn’t have a chance so he left. Really as simple as that. He was just another driver who got lost to the bigger talents and well nepo babies. I don’t think you can class him as a victim the way you can the others but I still wanted to show him as prove of the sadly “protege” concept that especially nowadays makes it nearly impossible for drivers to get a shot at F1.

Daniil Kvyat

This is going to be another long one.

In 2015 after a year where he was outperformed in Torro Rosso he and Ricciardo both went to the RB team. And while Ricciardo had more podiums , Kvyat ultimately just got a few more points than him.

And while Daniel would perform more consistently in 2016 at first it would be Daniil who got them their first podium but was ultimately dropped after just the next race to go to the sister team TR. In the end, this decision just shows that if they could they should have just put Verstappen in that RB from the start because this was clearly their end goal. The decision looked especially bad when you consider that Daniil seemed to get the hang of the car and had just given them a podium before a bad race. Of course this would be overshadowed by Max's win and the incredible season he went on to have. Meanwhile Daniil was stuck with DNFs and bad results. I should mention that his notorious driving was already present and criticized before his swap. It definitely was one of the main reasons why even though he really didn’t perform badly if you look at points, he obviously wasn’t the first choice. Although I think his driving really only became the bad driving (“Torpedo”) that we know today after the swap and well, you can’t really blame him for sort of being a bit mad after literally getting kicked just after securing the first podium. He himself says they were struggling as a team at that time and feels like RB didn’t appreciate his contributions enough.

I also once again want to point at the fucking asshole that is Helmut Marko and the 0 idea of what his actual role is other than talking shit about pretty much all drivers and looking completly unprofessional. Why you might ask? Because Marko in 2018 for example underline how he thought that Daniil would have overcome his “mental problem” which a. ) does not concern anyone if he truly did struggle, b.) is literally just helping create problems and c.) completely ignoring the huge factor that is the entire seat change that undoubtedly would have caused potential problems. I am trying to keep these short but I truly think Daniil had a doomed seat from the start and was set up to fail.

Pierre Gasly

I should state this by making a personal bias obvious. I don’t like Gasly myself and don’t rate him very highly on the current grid. I am certain that will influence my opinion just like my adoration for JEV did so there’s that. There is also the fact that Pierre eventhough the midseason change clearly affected him seems truly grateful for the opportunity that was given to him from RedBull. With the obvious high placing in his rookie season (a topic for another day) and Ricciardo leaving and Max being the seat No.1 , Pierre was the obvious choice to replace him. And then the second RedBull seat curse apparently hit. His results were fine really if he would have driven for maybe a midfield team or a sort of top/midfield team but for RedBull who were in a fight with the Mercedes via Max and wanted someone to keep the Ferrari duo of Charles/Seb behind, it obviously wasn’t enough. Really anything besides the top 6 was a failure for them. And midseason especially with Alex Albon performing better than him on occasion in a worse car, the decision was really easy.

It was not fair especially because I truly think that his rookie season isn’t truly looked at in a realistic way but rather just the points he got which made him overhyped. I also think he wasn’t a first choice but with Ricciardo leaving and no other midfield driver available the most logical was Pierre.

I do not think we will ever know the full picture of this until Pierre retires and I would say the same for Alex so I am just going to say that the midseason drop was cruel and undeserved but much nicer than other drivers have been treated by ReBull.

Alex Albon

Alex stepped in to fill the role Pierre couldn’t perfectly. He basically was in the top 6 his entire time for 2019 except 1 race. I also think Alex RedBull stint is underrated especially with Racing Point and McLaren oftentimes able to challenge for the top 4. Hell even the Renault was sometimes close enough.

Still the fact that wasn’t in the top 5 at the end of the season was definitely what cost him his seat. In comparison to Pierre for example he did actually get a full season and I truly think yhat while Alex was under immense public pressure and is absolutely right to leave RedBull and never look back, there isn’t enough to talk about his case. In fact it was clearly stated that he was dropped because the results weren’t consistent enough in comparison to other drivers who oftentimes got called much worse. I also think RedBull valued him more than people give them credit for.

I am of the belief that there was behind the scenes stuff that made Alex especially sure in his decision to leave but we won’t know that because he will not talk about that until he leaves the sport. There again were stupid comments by Marko but then again, when are there not?

Yuki Tsunoda

This is going to surprise people but I think Yuki after Kvyat has by far got the worst treatment in recent years. While he wasn’t hyped when coming into the sport and has made mistakes, Yuki has continuously shown flashes of speed and great driving. The racist treatment he got from Marko is horrendous and deserves a far bigger call out. The implication is that he is mentally deranged, his attitude is a problem, he isn’t a typical japanese driver etc. These racist implications and also degrading comments are just further proof of the treatment that is the junior programm drivers. This is only the things that were said in public mind you and I can’t imagine how much worse it was behind closed doors. I truly hope Yuki is able to leave the team besides the treatment he will receive especially after this week will just be so much worse than what Pierre was experiencing or possibly even Alex especially should he beat Ricciardo.

But while I have shown you all the horrible treatment of certain drivers, I feel it is also my duty to show you guys how incredible those mistreated drivers actually are. How successful yhey are and how they have shown great potential and proven that they aren’t some failed driver but that they were mistreated and are now flourishing in environments that support them and series that give them opportunities.

Christian Klien sadly disappeared from the racing world after 2010 (basically) but he managed to place third in the 2008 Le-Mans race.

Scott Speed actually managed a second place finish in the Miami E-Prix (before he was found guilty of doing drugs but that’s another story.)

Sebastian Buemi is Formula E champion (in the 2016 season/second season) after being runner up in the first season. He is also the winner of 2014, 2018 and 2022 WEC season (one he won with Fernando) and came second in the 2017 and 2019 season. In 2013 he finished second at Le-Mans 3 times (2013, 2021 and 2023) before he won it 4 times (2018-2020 and 2022).

Antonio Felix da Costa is Formula E champion and also won a race in DTM + got podiums there.

Beitske Visser was runner up for two W-Series and has also participated in Le Mans.

Jean-Eric Vergne/JEV is the only driver to have won the FE championship two times and has just this season achieved third place on the 6-hour-race in Monza. I need to state here that JEV is arguably one of the greatest FE drivers.

Alex Lynn managed multiple podiums in FE and finished third at the 24-h-Le-Mans race this year. He also won at Sebring two times (2017/2022)

Some other successful drivers that didn’t make it but were RedBull junior/academy drivers (and in one case also drove for RedBull) also include people like Sergio Sette Camera, Neel Jani, Sebastian Bourdaia and others.

So what was the point of my post? While RedBull are definitely horrendous to former drivers and many come out traumatized in one way or another, that does not take away from their talent or their accomplishments and they deserve to be known as more than former RedBull/Alpha Tauri drivers. They often built themselves an entire career after they have been shattered and their ultimate dream (F1) taken from them and that is incredibly admirable.

[mintsilhouette]

“Bruno is tragically separated from the family when he’s younger” AU rec list!

After I made a silly post about “tragically-separated-at-a-young-age” AU’s and their tendency to give Bruno very sad backstories, I got an ask about how many fics there actually were that fit under this umbrella. Since there really isn’t a cohesive tag on AO3, I decided to put a list together for people who were interested because I am a BIG fan of this type of AU and there are a handful of them out there! 

See under the cut for the list itself and the rules I’m following when it comes to compiling stories. Also, there are still SO many Encanto fics that I have not personally read and AO3 is just a dense, sometimes scary jungle of endless stories, so I’m SURE I’ve missed some. If you have a fic like this or know of a fic like this and I didn’t include it, I’m really sorry!!! Feel free to reblog my post and add it! I would appreciate that so much!

Since there’s a billion fics on AO3 and tons of gray area, here were my rules for including something on this list:

As the title suggests, these are AU’s where Bruno did not INTENTIONALLY leave the family. He was either separated at an age where he was too young to have memories of them OR there’s memory loss/amnesia shenanigans going on! 

Other characters can be separated WITH him but 1) Bruno has to be one of them and 2) He cannot be the knowing culprit of the separation. (So no “Bruno steals Mirabel and raises her outside of the Encanto” AU’s. Sorry! I’m just not a fan of that idea if he did it purposefully.) 

Bruno has to be a baby/child when he’s separated or at the very least, just younger than he is in the canon, so no post-movie scenarios. These are all strictly AU’s. 

No Bruno/OC scenarios either. Sorry, more power to you if you like that but this list is focused on the family dynamic & relationships. 

LET’S GET INTO IT. 

I Swear I’m the Real Bruno Madrigal by methylsalicylate (rated G, incomplete, 14 chapters so far)

Where Bruno is a con-artist trying to pass himself off as the missing son of the Madrigals and doesn’t realize he actually IS said son. 

(This one is super fun!! I love the unique element of con artist!Bruno and how his whole scheme just completely falls apart from the very beginning with no one believing the ruse for a second, haha. Also, the kids just immediately taking to him (/gently bullying him) and him getting hopelessly attached to them too despite his best attempts not to is the sweetest.) 

Broken Families (Do Not Always Mean Broken Homes) by it_will_take_work (rated G, incomplete, 6 chapters so far)

Where Bruno is a traveling salesman who accidentally wanders into the Encanto and begs to stay for few days because he’s seen the Madrigals in visions before. 

(This one hasn’t updated in a while but I really hope it will again because it’s lovely! Bruno’s loneliness and desire for connection is really palpable here, and I love that he has visions of the family beforehand. Also, there’s an entire chapter from Casita’s POV that is just delightfully frustrating as the house struggles to get anyone to understand what’s happening and fails, haha.) 

How Bright You Burn (How Brave You’ve Been) by @sokkas-first-fangirl (rated T, incomplete, 23 chapters so far) 

Where Bruno has to flee his village because of violence, is found badly hurt, and is taken in by the Madrigals. 

(LOVE the twist here of this AU taking place a few years earlier than the movie where everyone is younger and Antonio hasn’t been born yet! And everyone just immediately adopting Bruno and wanting to keep him safe after all he’s been through is sweet enough to melt your heart. Also, this fic is moving into the endgame and you probably won’t have to wait too long to get there. Sokka’s updating schedule is like no other and truly impressive!) 

Let The Storm Rage On by @greenvillainredemption (rated T, incomplete, 32 chapter so far)

Where it’s a Frozen AU! Pepa runs away from the kingdom because of her fear of her powers, Julieta is trying to bring her back, and their long-lost, presumed-dead brother might not be so dead after all.

(Bruno isn’t the ultimate focus of this one but his part in the plot is still significant enough that I think it’s worth including! I read some of this one a while back (and I owe it a proper comment, I’M SORRY) but now that it’s nearly done, I need to pick it back up! I really love the characterizations and how the plot is still recognizable from the source material but also wonderfully unique with its own twists and turns. Also, for a first-ever fic, it’s REALLY impressive! The formatting gets better after the first chapter, just FYI.) 

one step at a time, one hope and then another by gemkazoni / @mintsilhouette (rated T, incomplete, 5 chapters so far)

Where it’s a loose Anastasia AU (emphasis on the loose)! A young Bruno falls into the river as the family escapes from a power-hungry witch, with no sign of him ever being found; decades later, Mirabel finds a strange man with serious memory loss in the abandoned Encanto.

(Hey, this one is mine! I am truly terrible at saying nice things about my own work, but this is my first Encanto fic and I hope my neverending love for the source material and the characters shines through. Also, if you like really long chapters and slow-burn pacing, I, uh, have got you covered????? I’m still a Baby in this fandom so if you read it/like it, I’d love to know what you thought!) 

Open Your Eyes (and see that you’re home) by @impossiblefangirl0632 (rated T, incomplete, 1 chapter so far)

Where Bruno’s gift led him to be held in captivity for many years, and he has an adopted daughter in tow with her own magical gift. 

(This is another one that I don’t think I ever properly commented on because I am the actual worst, but I really like the twist on the concept! Bruno being so paranoid and angry with the Madrigals because of his past and fear of being tricked is a refreshing take on the character and 100% understandable. And him having an adopted daughter is just such a top-tier concept!!!) 

Churchwreckers by @butterfly-fics (rated M, incomplete, 3 chapters so far)

Where Bruno, Pepa, and Julieta are ALL tragically separated from Alma as infants and grow up in a different village as orphans, not even clear on the fact that they’re actually siblings. 

(Not Bruno-centric, but honestly SO good that I still had to include it! LOVE the idea (although omg POOR Alma, goodness gracious) and how the relationships are written/how the grandkids grew up without Alma and the Miracle’s influence. Won’t spoil too much about it but I especially adore the dynamic it’s setting up between the triplets and how Bruno and Pepa have a much closer relationship, with Julieta on the outskirts.) 

Stars Lost Down The River by RamblesandDragons (rated T, incomplete, 16 chapters so far)

Where Bruno and Mirabel get swept away by the river together after her failed ceremony and lose almost all their memories of who they are and where they came from. 

(I have not actually read this one yet (SORRY), but I’ve heard very nice things about it and I see it included on other rec lists! It’s pretty unique compared to the others on this list but I've decided it still counts since Bruno is younger than in canon when the separation happens and there’s memory loss stuff going on. Sounds like a really interesting and angsty concept that surely provides a lot of sweet uncle & niece moments, which I’m ALL about.) 

Change the Fates’ Design by @sokkas-first-fangirl (rated G, COMPLETE with 25 chapters)

Where it’s a Tangled AU! Bruno is kidnapped by a witch at a young age and has his memories tampered with; decades later, Mirabel finds him hidden in a tower. 

(I realized when I was about to hit “publish” that this fic of Sokka’s also fits under this umbrella! I feel like everyone and their mother has read this one, but just in case you haven’t, please do. SUCH a good AU that walks that line perfectly between “recognizable to the source material” and “different enough to keep you on your toes.” This one actually was a big inspiration behind me wanting to write an AU too, so I’m eternally grateful for it!) 

[mst3kproject]

Thor and the Amazon Women

Although the title sounds like some kind of incredibly bloated and dreary Marvel/DC crossover movie, this is actually the crummy Maciste flick that appeared over the opening credits of Cave Dwellers. The director, Antonio Leonviola, also made previous Episodes that Never Were Mole Men Against the Son of Hercules and Nobody Named Atlas Goes Anywhere Near the Land of the Cyclops. Those both sucked in ways that really weren't even any fun, so this is probably going to hurt.  I apologize in advance for the truly appalling picture quality... I think this movie has been copied and recopied more times than the Star Wars Holiday Special.

The Queen of the Amazons receives a prophecy that her rule will be ended by a man so powerful he will defeat a hundred and one of her troops without even using a weapon!  She decides she needs to get this guy before he can get her, and after getting some tips from her prisoners, sends a party out to find him.  They locate the mighty hero Thor and wound him but are unable to capture him – instead, they imprison young Princess Tamar, daughter of the king the Amazon Queen deposed years ago.  Thor is nursed back to health by his cowardly friend Ubaratutu, and they set out to free Tamar, who has been forced to train as a gladiatrix, and fulfill the prophecy by bringing peaceful rule back to the land of Byblos.

So as I noted, this is my third Antonio Leonviola sword-and-sandal movie, and third time was definitely not the charm.  Amazon Women is by far the most racist, most sexist, and generally least entertaining of the lot.

Long ago I noted that Maciste films have a preponderance of tyrannical Evil Queens versus wise and fair Good Kings, as if the entire genre were preoccupied with the idea that women are incapable of rule.  At the time, I wondered if this were just because those were the films MST3K happened to pick, but I've seen a lot more of them now and yeah, turns out that's a thing.  Thor and the Amazon Women is particularly explicit about it, stating the philosophy out loud, repeatedly, through characters who are also women.

One notable moment of this comes at the climax, when Princess Tamar is wounded and believes she is dying.  Her adoptive father, her brother, and Thor, all urge her to live so that she can return to the throne and restore peace.  She replies that this is not a woman's job, but is in the hands of her twelve-year-old brother (whose name I never managed to decipher, but sounds a bit like 'Amoke'), who is clearly far more fit to rule than she.  At the end we see that she has survived after all, but that Amoke is king, and has made his friend Lulee his queen.  Lulee grew up among the Amazons and might have expected to wield some power in her own right, but seems quite content with this ending.

(I'm pretty sure Amoke and Lulee were dubbed by the same person, a grown woman doing a squeaky 'kid' voice.  Being as there are two of them, this is twice as annoying as in movies like Pod People that do it only once.)

That's not even the worst of it, though.  Earlier, a couple of the gladiatrices met to discuss overthrowing the queen, and they agreed that the rule of women is unnatural and that they were happier when they were subservient to their husbands!  At another point, Thor tells the queen that rule requires the use of force, which is natural to men but unnatural to women.  In other Maciste movies, the idea that women are naturally submissive was an undercurrent, possibly something the writers weren't even thinking about.  In Thor and the Amazon Women it is front and centre.

If this movie has a raison d'être besides telling the women in the audience to get back in the kitchen, it's showing the men in the audience scenes of women in skimpy outfits fighting each other to the death.  There are quite a few of these, and they are stunningly bad.  There's no fight choreography and none of these actresses look like they've ever picked up a sword or spear before in their lives.  If you told me the first time they handled the prop weapons was the day of shooting, I would believe you.  Of course, none of the actresses are at all muscular because that might be perceived as unfeminine... and I guess if the fight scenes were actually good the male audience might feel threatened instead of turned on.  At least it's kinda funny when they theatrically 'die' with an opponent's spear tucked under one arm like kids on a playground.

So there's the sexism.  The racism is brought to us by Ubaratutu and the Queen of the Amazons, both of whom are black.  The former is an absolute buffoon, who calls Thor 'master', expresses cowardice at every opportunity, and makes stupid decisions in the name of comic relief.  The latter is a cruel tyrant who suppresses dissent with merciless torture and bloodshed, and who we're told has repeatedly married men, spent a few days fucking them, and then had them killed when she gets tired of them – this was almost Ubaratutu's fate. Mole Men Against the Son of Hercules had Bangor, a similar black sidekick character, but treated him with slightly less contempt.  If you watch the movies in the order of their release (Atlas, then Mole Men, then Amazon Women) it's as if you can see Leonviola growing more and more bigoted over the course of the 1960s!

Some Maciste-type movies at least have nice sets and costumes for us to look at while all this bullshit goes on – even Nobody Named Atlas Goes Anywhere Near the Land of the Cyclops had that.  Thor and the Amazon Women must have had much less money behind it, because nearly the whole thing is filmed in a cave.  The opening credits thank the Yugoslavian government for allowing them to film in the Postojna cave system, and it's their only location.  I am not exaggerating when I say there isn't a single building in the entire film.  The shepherding people who raised Tamar and Amoke appear to live in tents in the wilderness.  They literally couldn't afford sets.

It appears to have been very cold in those caves, too... you can see the actress' breath in a couple of scenes.  It must have sucked wearing those off-the-shoulder minidresses in there.

There's only one thing going on in this movie that really had the potential to be interesting, and that's the way the Queen (who never has a name as far as I can tell – IMDB just calls her 'the Black Queen') brings about her own downfall in the attempt to prevent it. This is a theme associated mostly with Greek tragedy, most famously Oedipus, and suggests that the will of the gods is inevitable. The Oracle's warning leads the Queen to look for Thor in the hope of destroying him before he can destroy her.  Her troops fail to capture him but bring back Tamar, and it is the need to rescue Tamar that brings Thor to the Queen's domain.  If she'd left him alone, he would never have known about her.

When the Queen finally does have Thor in her power, she decides to put him to the test – the oracle said that he would be able to overcome a hundred and one of the Queen's warriors using only the strength of his hands.  The intelligent thing for the Queen to do would have been just to kill him, since he matches the prophecy in every other detail and she's got complete power over him in that moment.  Instead, she does indeed devise a test that pits him against a hundred and one of her best troops, not in battle but in a game of tug-of-war!  She could at least have tried to rig things by throwing one extra warrior in there or something.

This is why Oedipus works, and things like Thor and the Amazon Women do not.  Oedipus never makes a stupid mistake – his mistakes were made under circumstances when he could not have been expected to know better.  He just keeps pursuing the truth, even as his wife begs him to leave well enough alone.  Characters like the Queen of the Amazons have to do a series of dumb things despite having obvious better options, and therefore are destroyed not by the inevitability of divine will but by the equal inevitability of human stupidity.  I suppose we're meant to think she was actually destroyed by her hubris, but if she felt that secure on her throne why was she even worried about Thor in the first place?

The idea that the bad guys get the hero's attention by seeking to destroy him first is a common one in Maciste-type movies.  It kind of needs to be, because in many cases the plots have to find a way to bring the hero to a distant land and get him involved in a situation that really has nothing to do with him.  The prophecy thing is just the easiest way to do so, and in many cases I suspect this is the main thing the writers were thinking about.  They weren't actually interested in Greek tragedy, they were just being lazy.

Man, this movie sucks.  Remember the minute-and-a-half or so of footage from this that appeared in Cave Dwellers and mostly showed Thor and Ubaratutu wandering in some woods somewhere?  You can consider that Thor and the Amazon Women's highlight reel. Everything on screen here is absolute garbage.

[dollmoth-productions]

Hi! Can I request a yandere madrigals with a reader who can create candy out on anything even from her clothes, but she does not use it that often and keeps it hidden and will not make candy rocks because when she got mad at her parents, she stomped on the floor and accidentally swallowed her parents in candied rocks and when tried to get them out, she accidentally broke them. The madrigals trying to get her to use her gift more but she refuses because of that trauma. I love your work btw!

Yandere family Madrigal with a reader that can create candy out of thin air

TW OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR STALKING POSSESSIVE BEHAVIOR STOCKHOLM SYNDROME MANIPULATION ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR

❤ abuela was one of the first people who saw your gift it wasn't really clear to them what was it it made no sense to them because it just showed you covered in crystals but you knew exactly what it was you were made out of candy and could create candy simply enough it was pretty easy to understand it wasn't easy understand to most people but once you actually started showing off your gift a little more people were increased especially the children since they love candy until one day something bad happened one of the carriages collided with you and because you're not like other humans she said dying your legs completely cracked off it was brutal and it hurt like you lost an actual leg it grew back overtime but you still had to have a prosthetic for a few years

💛Pepa and Fèlix we're both the most worried for you after this situation you will never truly the same you were related to them by being there nephew / niece it was definitely traumatizing For You especially since everyone would call you a pirate afterwards you never used your gift after that and it never came up again everyone to see me late forgot about your trauma and you wanted everyone to believe that you will get Blessed Like Maribel until one day they sell you do your gift it was making candy and they were so happy that you had a gift but you never wanted them to speak about this but they 

💛 Dolores heard everything and told everything about what happened abuela knew you had a gift but she knew because of your trauma you didn't like talking about it it was still shocking that you had to show off your gift again and you refused you blatantly refused and you refused and refused and no one listened it cause you to have a serious resentment towards your family whenever you would show up your gift you would just show off making small rock candies or small suckers it wouldn't be as useful as the others and put they were still happy that you had a gift you weren't you never want to do this again you never wanted any of this again

💛 Camilo with the worst of them you never wanted to use your gift again and you refused to multiple times but he would always pester you for some free candy you eventually gave in and just showed up more can I teach tricks you are slowly getting back in the groove of things but it's still kind of hurt you it's never want to remember what using your powers was like but you did and you felt happy again you actually started showing off what you do to-do making cotton candy tornadoes and joyful sweet candy clouds you were happy again using your gift and your family was happy for you but like always they started getting jealous of all the attention you were giving you are sweetheart almost as sweet as your candy and it was obvious what would happen jealousy jealousy was boundless truck no matter what and it was sneaking in so fast but they couldn't control themselves anymore they started feeling the need to break one of your legs you been completely off especially Camilo

💛 Antonio was much less on his feelings and it was more like oh you have a gift that's cool can I have free candy he was more sweet he was more nice I knew that you were a little hesitant to use your gift and he wanted to make sure you were okay with it he wanted to know if you would truly be okay if you could make him some candy he wasn't like the others and he was so much more sweet but you knew that wouldn't last everything would come to the end eventually they would given to the feelings of jealousy and possessiveness and you would eventually have to deal with it you knew this would come because he had a glare his mother's glare and that was obvious the glare was scary it was almost like you are more of a thing than a person like you were nothing but something pretty for the whole family to look at like a clown in the circus except you weren't being laughed at you were being treasured

💙Maribel was one of the first people to comfort you but they were slightly glad that you had a gift you were useless to the family you could do stuff especially with the trick that you could do it was amazing but whenever you would get too cocky with it and show up to the rest of the townspeople that's when they got angry you weren't meant to show off anyone but your family this wasn't meant to happen you were only meant to be a family person you were only meant to be a part of this the fine thing it was never meant to turn was get out this way it was never meant to show off how great you were you were amazing but no one else should know that no one needed to know and yet you you showed off and you knew you were going to get punished

💙Luisa was the person who dished out your punishment it was getting rid of your leg your week like to be exact it will grow back faster this time since your body is used to the cracks and fractures listen to change your mind it hurts it hurts so much and yet no one listened why were you like this they said they wanted to show off more of you and so you did why were they acting up now it was so strange maybe you were a bad person maybe you deserved it you never knew yeah yeah maybe you were bad person you never knew that but you always thought you were a bad person because maybe that's why you deserved it the punishment hurt Luisa she was crying severely and that was obvious she never forgave herself after this but she knew was necessary to protect you at least that's what a abuela said you felt like he deserved it maybe you did but it didn't change your mind it hurt you never talk to anyone after that at least for a week before you were forcefully out of your room terrible what happened you rather. Remember but you look down at your legs completely cracked and crystallized and you looked at your older sister as she hugs you knowing she felt just as guilty as you did she hugged you for who-knows-how-long but she started laughing after works almost like it was some sick joke maybe it was maybe you secretly did need to be humbled.

💙Julieta and agustín both of them were the first people that comfort you after this you are crying and sad your parents knew what had to be done so she healed you up as much as she colored her healing powers never really had an effect on you because you weren't really human / say you had a human mind but not really a body so it didn't do much but it really did help you that they were by but by your side no matter what it was very comforting to know that you they were always by your side like nothing ever happened they refuse to let you know that this happened this never happened with always brought up whenever you would bring up your leg shattering of course they want to forget as much as you do you are so young and so naive that they just knew it was for the best you needed to forget even abuela would bring up the incident

💚 Bruno was one of the main people who comforted you no matter what he would be by your side you are his little darling in the you knew it he would be one of the main people like spoiled you and spoiled his little shows it made you pretty happy that you would do anything to make you feel better he was probably one of the sweetest but easiest to make angry so it was dangerous to get on his bad side which you never really did you would always try your best to stay good and that was obvious to him so punishments would never necessary with him when they were he wouldn't be dishing them out because he would feel too bad cell you were always punished by someone else but he was always be right there to comfort you no matter no matter what you were always there to be comforted by him he would do anything to make you feel better like I said you were his favorite niece / nephew and that was so obvious and you never wanted to lose his trust after the incident where you lost your leg he was one of the main people who never denied it there was no point denying it you lost your leg and you were treated differently after that you were baby and constantly downplayed you never deserve anything you've got yet you got it never understood why no one would ever bring up the incident you just thought everyone was guilty but no they enjoyed your punishment because you knew you

[itsany62]

SteveTony - Alternate Universe

Here are some Alternate Universe fics that I love. Don't forget to leave kudos and nice comments in every fic!

Food for the Heart, by LagLemon, 14 k >, Cooking, No Powers.

After being introduced to a gourmet food on a budget blog by Pepper (a gift for her elderly, cheapskate mother) Tony starts cooking again. The recipes are good, but the blog owner is even better. Still, Tony isn't so sure Captain America, the guy who runs the blog, can compete with Hot Bagboy, the gorgeous blond who works at the grocery store.

"Free to Good Home" by Captain_Panda, 7 k > words, Alternate Universe - Animals.

"Oliver and Company" AU.

There's a great big world outside the box.

But it's a dog-eat-dog world, and Tony's just one cat. Then a stray dog comes along, looking for a friend.

A Day In Principal Stark's Office, by nannersmelo, 10 k > words, Steve Single Parent, Director Tony.

Tony Stark has his hands full with not only Stark Industries, but also his beloved mother's life project: The Maria Stark Academy, and as he enters his office in order to deal with a ferocious mother whose son was apparently assaulted by one of his brightest students, he was sure this day would culminate in nothing but a heinous headache. Little did he know - he was in for one hell of a surprise.

I Am the Night by gottalovev, 6 k > words, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Vampire Tony Stark, Wizard Steve Rogers.

That's it. Tony is doomed. He rolls on his back, crosses his wings over his belly and closes his eyes. He'll await death here, misunderstood by the world to the bitter end.

C is for Calculus and Compromise, by heydoeydoey, 11 k>, Gifted AU, Post-Divorce, Angts with a Happy Ending.

Steve's just trying to give his prodigy daughter a normal childhood. Enter a meddling school administrator, Tony Stark, and too many lawyers.

tell you my love for you by jelliebean, 22 k > words, Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Based on Love Simon.

A guy at Shield High comes out on tumblr, anonymously. Tony thought he was the only gay guy on campus--not out, because of Howard--and sends him an email.

“Hey, Flying. Same here. I’ve got a secret too, and it’s like I’m hiding who I am, every day. From everyone. All the closest people to me. But I just can’t tell them. I’m gay, too. It feels like I’m putting on this mask, this shell of who I think they want me to be. Even though I don’t think my friends would judge me. I don’t know why. I just. I’ve got a secret. –Shell”

The guy seems great--amazing, even, and then Hammer has to step in and ruin it all.

Mergers & Acquisitions by Robin_tCJ, 33 k > words, Angst, sex as currency.

Steve Rogers is the CEO of the Rogers Corporation, which he built from the ground up. When he learns that Hydra International is making a bid for a hostile takeover of Stark Industries, he decides he has to do what he can to stop Hydra from overtaking the market and becoming an unstoppable, unethical conglomerate. Tony Stark asks for something Steve isn’t sure he should give, but he does it anyway – and it completely changes everything. But when Hydra keeps coming, Steve and Tony realize there’s more to this than they’d realized.

Meeting the Monsters by itsallAvengers, 23 k > words, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Creatures & Monsters.

Tony's at public school with kids his age for the first time in seventeen years, and he is determined that this year is gonna be his year. He's going to make friends. He's going to be popular. People will like him.

Unsurprisngly, none of that actually happens.

He does sort-of-maybe fall in love with a vampire in his class that everyone is terrified of, though. So... there's that.

(I Want You To See) The Darkest Side Of Me by ann2who, 45 k > words, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Post-World War II.

In Monte Carlo, Steve meets the wealthy widower Anthony Stark. It’s love at first sight—at least for Steve—and he can’t believe his luck when Tony asks him to live at Stark Mansion, his large estate in Malibu. Never in his life had Steve thought something like this was possible… never had he been this happy. However, soon Steve realizes that Tony is still deeply troubled by the death of his first wife and haunted by the many ghosts she left behind. The longer Steve lives in her shadow, the more he understands that… He can never be what Tony’s wife had once been for him. And Tony might never truly love him.

Gift With Purchase Remix by sabrecmc, 43 k > words, Alternate Universe - No Powers, hooker Steve, Sugar Daddy.

Gift With Purchase Remix wherein Steve actually is a hooker. But for a Really Sympathetic Reason.

The Little Glass Screwdriver by ann2who, 19 k > words, Cinderella AU.

When Prince Steven is forced to find himself a bride, true love gets in the way. As the night of the grand ball unfolds, the prince meets a mysterious knight who might just change his entire life in a way he could have never imagined.

**Cinderella AU**

Covered in Lines by royal_chandler, 3 k > words, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Alternate Universe - College/University, Age Difference.

He can’t lose sight of pale, deft hands that gesture on transitive verbs, an ink-stained thumb edging underneath Tony’s ribcage with an affection that can only be called dangerous.

half-wild and glimmering by deathsweetqueen , 15 k > words, Alternate Universe - Western, Prostitution.

“Give me a drink, Tasha,” Tony sighs as he lands in front of the bar. “I’ve had one hell of a day.”

Natasha raises an eyebrow. “Have you really?” she asks, loftily, sliding a tumbler of whiskey along the well-polished wood.

Tony lets his head hang, the sweat beading on the back of his neck. “You wouldn’t believe what I’ve had to put myself through today,” he sighs, wearily.

“I would not know. You will not let me work the rooms,” Natasha retorts, her voice a little strained, busying her hands in a dirty glass.

“I don’t let you work the rooms ‘cause you’re liable to kill anyone who touches ya the wrong way and we can’t lose that much of our business,” Tony reminds her, wryly amused, sipping at his whiskey. He shakes his head at the burn. “We peddle flesh, darling, not death.”

peers, fears and holiday cheers by jacobby, 24 k > words, Parent Tony Stark.

“He’s only two years older than you,” Tony finally says when the silence becomes too much to bear.

“Dad, Teddy is turning twenty-seven next year.”

“I am not dating your husband—”

“I’m not implying you are. I just want you to be...aware that he’s practically the same age as my husband.”

AKA

Tony Stark's new boyfriend is only two years older than his adult sons. Telling them is one thing, introducing them is another. What Tony doesn't expect is that the past always has a way of catching up to him, of biting him in the ass when he least expects it. Well, at least they're all together for the Holidays. What more can he ask for?

A Higher Form of War by sabrecmc, 292 k > words, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Historical Romance.

Tony is a King with a surprising number of people out to kill him. Steve and the rest of the Avengers are fighting for Pierce's rebellion and end up with Tony as their prisoner. Oops.

you can call me babe for the weekend by complicationstoo, 10 k > words, Alternate Universe - No Powers, actor Tony Stark.

Tony left his small town for Los Angeles after high school, leaving behind everything to pursue his dream. Ten years later, he comes back for the first time and finds that some things are impossible to let go of.

Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be by iam93percentstardust, 72 k > words, Alternate Universe - Theatre.

Famed director Phil Coulson brings Shakespeare’s beloved play, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, to Broadway. This production though comes with a twist: a brief but passionate love affair between the faerie king, Oberon, and his attendant, Puck. In the roles of the two star-crossed lovers, Coulson casts America’s darling Steve Rogers, fresh off his third Academy Award, and Broadway royalty, Tony Stark. Steve quickly finds himself falling for the quick-witted and sarcastic actor but Tony is dating the stage manager. Unwilling to come between the seemingly happy couple, Steve steps back but all isn’t right behind the scenes and Tony may need him when everything falls apart.

and so we rebuild by raeldaza, 26 k > words, Alternate Universe - Star Trek Fusion, Soulmates, Mutual Pining.

Sometimes, a voice whispers: you will never atone for your mistakes.

Tony believes that, believes it so strongly some days he drowns in it, but he still tries. Tries through Starfleet, tries through inventions, tries through missions. Then, one day, he meets his new Captain, and things change.

and teach this heart (how to beat with light), by starklystar, 40 k >, AU Hospital, Single parent Steve.

Eight years ago, at a funeral with a baby's cries ringing in his ears, Tony Stark decided to turn his life around. He's a genius, billionaire, philanthropist. What's so hard to adding 'doctor' to that list? And after that, it can't be that hard to add 'husband' and 'father' too, right? But the past has a way of haunting even the very best of us, and in any universe, Tony Stark and Steve Rogers have never had an easy love.

Featuring: drama, chaos, Peter's scheming, meddling friends, and doctors learning again that the heart can never be as simple as four chambers and four valves.

Catching Lightning in a Bottle by sabrecmc, 120 k > words, Alternate Universe - Sweet Home Alabama Fusion.

College student Tony meets janitor Steve at MIT and they fall blissfully in love, until Howard happens and things fall apart. One divorce paperwork snafu courtesy of the ever-helpful Jarvis, and ten years later, Tony has to get re-divorced from Steve.

This does not go as he imagines.

Or, the Sweet Home Alabama AU that no one--well, okay, a few of you--asked for.

The Night Shift by weethreequarter , 16 k > words, Alternate Universe - Hospital.

Welcome to the Emergency Department of San Antonio General where Dr. Tony Stark joins the team fresh from his most recent tour in Afghanistan and - much to the consternation of the other staff - strikes up an instant rapport with Nurse Steve Rogers. Meanwhile, new resident Bruce Banner refuses to give up on his patient, and Dr. Sharon Carter learns something from her own patients. Throw in a pissed off hospital administrator, Clint using the coffee pot as a mug again, and a major car crash and you have, well, just another night shift.

Cake It Till You Make It by ChocolateCapCookie, 10 k > words, Kid Fic, Alternate Universe - Bakery.

Steve Rogers and Tony Stark have a lot in common. They're single parents, they own rival bakeries at the center of town... and they both hate each other's guts.

When a mix-up at Peter and Morgan's school has both fathers scrambling to prove they're the better baker, they do the mature, adult thing and compete in a bake-off. Between the mixing and the creaming, the baking and the icing, Steve and Tony find that hate is actually not that far from love.

Looking for Heaven by foxxcub, 31 k > words, Alternate Universe - Regency, Marriage of Convenience.

When young Lord Anthony Stark learns Steven Rogers has enlisted in the army, he thinks he's seen the last of his tiny, headstrong, haughty stable boy. But four years later, Lord Stark gets an unexpected visit from Steve, whose mother has fallen gravely ill and into financial ruin. Even more unexpected, Steve agrees to a shocking proposal: they will marry, giving Steve the necessary funds to save his mother, and Tony the much-needed reprieve from harassing would-be suitors. It is a business arrangement, nothing more. But as time goes on and circumstances arise, Tony begins to learn that keeping his heart away from his husband is easier said than done.

just a guy, standing in front of another guy by theappleppielifestyle, 12 k > words.

“It’s not real,” Tony says, still smiling, jaw twitching with effort. “The fame. It’s - I’m just a guy."

(Or, Notting Hill AU, with a twist.)

Mother of Exiles (A Titanic AU) by BladeoftheNebula, 21 k > words, Alternate Universe - Titanic Fusion.

“You’ll never guess what just happened!” Steve said, taking a deep breath to try and calm his breathing. “I met someone. A guy from first class.”

Dublin 1912: Steve Rogers is barely making ends meet, living in the tenement slums of Dublin. But a stroke of good luck gives him and his best friend the chance to change their fortune. Two tickets to America on board the RMS Titanic.

The Devil You Know by shetlandowl, 17 k > words, Alternate Universe - Detectives, Alternate Universe - Author/Novelist.

Best selling author Tony Stark revives the bodice ripper genre for a modern audience. From frisky gay cowboys to ravenous lesbian pirate queens, he consistently delivers riveting thrillers full of romance, drama, and the filthy, unapologetically kinky sex that has become his trademark specialty.

Tony has everything a man could dream of - horny, adoring fans, and boatloads of money. Or that's what he thought, until Detective Steve Rogers walks into his life and turns it all upside down.

Bears and Mountains and Lumberjacks Oh My! by justanotherrollingstony (adoctoraday), 24 k > words, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Lumberjack Steve Rogers.

It was supposed to be easy--go meet the reclusive artist and buy some art. And then came the broken down car. And the snowstorm. And the lumberjack with a face like a greek god. So yea, Tony is stuck in a cabin in the woods with a hot lumberjack till the storm clears. Could be worse.

Series: A Furious Vexation by Annie D (scaramouche), 18 k > words, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse.

A Steve/Tony post-apocalypse AU that exists pretty much just for the smut.

That Feline Beat by Tito11, 5 k > words, Alternate Universe - Animals.

Presenting Steve and Tony in the Aristocats!AU

Tony and his three kittens have been kidnapped from their fancy Upper East Side apartment while their owners are away and deposited on the mean streets of Harlem. Unsure of where they are or how to get back home, they'll have to rely on street cat Steve to guide them. Will they get home safely? Will Tony's fear of abandonment cause him to drive away the best tomcat he's ever known? Only time will tell.

do you fondue? by calciseptine, 16 k > words, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting.

Tony has done crazy things in the name of food, but falling in love with Steve Rogers really takes the cake.

a glimpse of heaven's love by parkrstark, 13 k> words, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Terminal Illnesses.

The child begins to empty his pockets. He starts to count coins on the counter. Tony huffs a little impatiently as he realizes most of them are pennies.

The cashier actually humors the kid and counts along with him. They reach 3 dollars and 54 cents before he shakes his head sadly. "Sorry, kid. There's not enough here."

The kid sounds close to crying. "I need these paints for my Papa. It's Christmas Eve and these...he doesn't have any. The doctors said he doesn't have long. I want him to have these. In case he meets Jesus tonight, I want him to paint one more time. Please."

Tony takes a step forward, arms still full of toys he's buying just because. He can cover this child's gift for his dying father. Money. Money is what he's good for.

"I'll buy them."

--

Or, the Christmas Shoes AU no one but me asked for.

If you survive first impressions, you're good to go by itsallAvengers, 3 k > words, Parent Tony Stark, Alternate Universe - No Powers.

The first time Peter Parker-Stark sees Steve Rogers, he may or may not be standing in direct path of the man's motorcycle.

His daddy is really not going to be happy about that one.

A Rat-ional Conclusion by BladeoftheNebula, 6 k > words, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Veterinarians, Parent Tony Stark.

He had a strong flurry of patients throughout the morning and by the time it rolled around to noon, he was just about worn out.

He walked out into the reception, stretching until he felt a satisfying pop. “Are we done?”

Bucky checked the screen. “Just about. One more before lunch - a rat, singular.”

Steve breathed a sigh of relief. Hopefully straight forward then. “Great, let me know when they-”

He was interrupted by the bell over the door and looked up to see a little girl cradling a small animal carrier, being shepherded through the door by easily one of the hottest men he’d ever seen in real life.

Oh wow.

Tidal Pull by sabrecmc, 97 k > words, Octopus Tony Stark, Alternate Universe - Shipwrecked.

After the American Civil War, Union soldier Steve Rogers takes a chance on an opportunity to sail with the Stark Trading Company down in the Caribbean. During a terrible storm, his ship is lost. To his surprise, he survives, and ends up stranded on an island that isn't quite as deserted as he first thinks.

Or, a reverse Little Mermaid tale where Steve has to fall for the fish-man.

Twelve Days by elysianprince, 22 k > words, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Ghosts.

In which Tony finds himself in a town that looks like it crawled out of a Hallmark Christmas movie, trying to sell an inn he didn't know he owned, all while dealing with Steve Rogers, the resident ghost who has returned to haunt the inn each December during the twelve days of Christmas for the past seventy years. Tony has only one logical solution that benefits them both: break the curse that binds him - but falling for a man almost a century old wasn't among his plans.

She kissed me by S_Horne, 1 k > words, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting.

“Your mom kissed me.”

Steve blinked awake and lifted his head from his pillow to look over at the silhouette in the doorway. “What?”

“Your mom,” Tony reiterated. “She kissed me.”

“Yeah,” Steve said simply, “she does that.”

[strawberrynamjoon]

wine bottles & pizza boxes

– genre: delivery boy!namjoon & lovesick!reader

– word count: 17k

– summary: while desperately trying to get over your heartbreak the cute new delivery boy made it to his personal mission to make you smile whenever you were drunk and lonely. luckily, your mutual friend hoseok was more than willing to set the two of you up.

or: namjoon fell in love with you, no matter if you had a pretty dress on or a wine bottle in your hand and a puzzle piece in your hair.

– warnings: reader gets drunk a lot and is kinda an emotional mess lol, humour and crack, sope being couple of the year, whipped namjoon, kinda slow burn

– note: i finally finished this wip of mine and i hope you guys like it as much as i do. like always, this is not proofread yet, i’ll get to it soon! <3

If anyone were to see you right now, you were sure they would think you’re a complete mess, almost pathetic even and, to be quite honest, they wouldn't be wrong. 

The way you were spread out on your couch, not having moved for hours, in your oversized hoodie and sweatpants, sipping the cheapest wine you could find straight out of the bottle while rewatching Gilmore Girls for the hundredth time truly wasn’t your proudest moment. 

But you felt hurt and you convinced yourself that bathing in some self-pity was the only possible solution for you to get over this stupid, aching heartbreak. If any of your friends would see you like this they would surely disagree with your chosen method but you couldn’t care less. They say time heals all the wounds but for now, wine would have to do the job.

Checking your phone for how much longer your pizza will take to arrive, you noticed a text from your best friend, once again begging you to pay attention to him.

[ Yoongi: It’s been a month since he ghosted you, stop being a crybaby and come to Guk’s party tonight. I’ll even pick you up. ]

A mocking scoff escaped your lips, rolling your eyes way back into your skull. As much as you loved him, you just felt the need to be dramatic in peace – and knowing Yoongi he would never let that happen.

Deciding to leave him on read for now, you heard the doorbell ring and the excitement rushing over you was almost embarrassing, considering the fact that your pizza arriving probably would be the highlight of your whole week.

Instantly regretting checking yourself in the mirror when you realized just how terrible you looked like you tried not to think about it too much, Antonio wouldn’t care either way. You looked disgusting in the truest definition of the word – your messy bun was an actual mess, not in the cute Instagram-model-kinda-way, no. There were big strands of hair falling out of it in the back and it floppily laid on the side of your head instead of the top. Your face was swollen from the crying and the alcohol and there were three fat, red pimples growing on your cheeks.

Luckily, you and Antonio, your standard delivery guy, by now were over having to impress each other. He has seen you in that state more often than your actual friends at this point and he didn’t have to act all nice in front of you anymore, your nagging banter the only social interactions you sometimes had for weeks. Thinking about it for a second it was almost pitiful that your closest friend was a man in his mid fifties who was supplying you with greasy food but you didn’t care, at least Antonio would never ghost you out of nowhere.

More relationships should be like yours and Antonios: Both of you did not annoy the other one, just exchanged a polite smile and some snarky comments every now and then and that was it.

Opening the door, you felt a genuine smile on your face, excited for the pizza you were about to eat, “Antonio, I was never happier to see –”

But before you could end your sentence you were surprised by a new face, a more handsome and younger face than Antonio’s wide and round face and grey hair. The young man in front of you had glowing, tan skin, plump lips and was not only tall but also equally broad. 

Looking at such a handsome man your own age, you became awfully aware of how you looked right now, feeling terribly hideous.

“You’re not Antonio,” the disappointment in your voice was hard to go miss.

The man in front of you started to chuckle and you were met with two deep and extraordinary cute dimples that made him look much nicer. Before you saw them he seemed kind of intimidating but as soon as he smiled there was not a single intimidating thing left about him.

“Believe it or not, I’m very well aware of that,” his deep voice sent shivers down your spine, “I’m Namjoon. And I’m very sorry to disappoint you, but at least I still have the pizza you ordered.”

He pointed to the pizza box on the ground and you just wanted him to leave as soon as possible, not wanting him to have to look at the misery you were for any second longer.

“Well, you’re just as good as Antonio then,” you stated, flashing him a bright smile.

“If that’s all it takes to make you happy your boyfriend must be living a happy life,” he mumbled under his breath without looking at you as he got the pizza box out of his carrier. His standards must be very low if he was flirting with you even in your current state but at least he managed to boost your self esteem a little bit.

You already pictured the little scenarios coming into your mind with the man you just met a few seconds ago and you hated yourself for how easy it is for you to fall in love with a complete stranger. But if all it took to distract yourself from the heartbreak you were going through was a handsome pizza delivery guy you would most definitely take that.

Handing you the box he gave you yet another one of those dimpled smiles and you wished you could take a picture of it, “I hope you can still enjoy it even if Antonio is gone now.”

Now you furrowed your eyebrows, “What do you mean he’s gone? Like, forever? I assumed he just has a day off.”

“Oh no, he actually got fired,” he answered with a shrug. 

“Wow first I got ghosted and now Antonio left me too, I thought at least he would stay,” a playful pout formed on your lips.

The delivery boy, or Namjoon as he introduced himself to you, seemed to be amused by your dramatic acting, joining in immediately, “He has a wife and children. You should’ve known better than to get attached.”

With a smile on your lips, you crossed your arms in front of your chest, “I know but he always brought me free sauce even though I didn’t order it and I just fell in love with his kind actions.”

“That’s absolutely against the policy,” Namjoon stated amused, “and probably the reason he got fired.”

The smile was still sitting on your lips as you nodded to him, ready to go back inside, “See you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Namjoon asked with a confused expression on his face, wondering what exactly would happen tomorrow.

“Yes, tomorrow,” you simply stated without any further explanation as you shut your door and walked back to the living room.

You immediately smiled as you replayed the previous encounter in your head. He didn’t even really flirt with you but just the fact that a good looking man stood in front of your door was enough to make you smitten at this point. God, Yoongi was right, you truly were lonely.

Just as you were thinking of the devil your phone vibrated, his name on the screen as he was calling you.

“Whats up? You’re crying or what?” you heard your closest friend on the other line of the phone. To others, the way you and Yoongi talked to each other might seem a bit harsh or cold but in reality, you were as close as two people could be even though none of you would ever admit it out loud.

“I fell in love,” you started and immediately got interrupted.

“I already pity the new man. Who is he?” Yoongi asked, the surroundings loud and you were sure he was on the way to a party.

“You’ll only make fun of me if I tell you,” you pouted, knowing the teasing will never stop if you tell your best friend about your newest crush.

“Me? Making fun of you? Never!” the sarcasm in his voice was thick and you could hear his stupid grin through the phone.

“It’s the delivery guy,” you tried to sound as unbothered as possible but because Yoongi knew you like the back of his hand it was pointless.

“(Y/n) –” he started, taking in a deep breath, “I know you’re lonely but Antonio? Isn’t that a bit extreme?”

You laughed, realizing that maybe you should’ve stated your words differently, “Antonio got replaced by a handsome, tall guy. don’t worry, I am not that desperate yet.”

“What do you mean Antonio got replaced? Does this mean we actually have to buy the dip now whenever we order?” Yoongi seemed to be genuinely upset about the fact that he might pay a buck more from now on.

“I’m afraid we have to but at least we can look at a cute buy and talk about how cute he is whenever we do order,” you joked.

“I don’t think we should do that in front of Hoseok, he’s crazy and might kill the delivery guy if he hears me talking about a cute guy,” Yoongi chuckled like he always did when he talked about Hoseok and you rolled your eyes, those goddamn couples all around you making you feel awfully single, “Anyway, we’re celebrating at our place on saturday, you have to come. No excuses accepted, I don’t care if you cry in the bathroom because you’re a sad bitch, you’re still coming.”

“Great, I’ll hate it,” you let out a sigh before hanging up.

Despite threatening your best friend that you’d rather kill yourself than attend a party in your current emotional state, you somehow still found yourself at Hoseok’s and Yoongi’s dorm, getting drunk at their stupid party. You should have known better, in the end he always annoys you until you gave in, it would’ve spared you a lot of discussions.

“Hey Hoseok,” you greeted tonight’s host and good friend with a hug and he gave you a low whistle as he saw you all dressed up. Hoseok was, next to Yoongi, one of the people you could always depend on. When Yoongi introduced his boyfriend to you many years ago you first weren’t sure if their relationship had a real chance since Hoseok seemed to be the complete opposite of Yoongi but by now it was almost impossible to imagine one without the other.

“I didn’t think that I would see you here,” he gave you an appreciating and welcoming smile and you immediately felt at home – Hoseok had this power, always making you feel comfortable, “We missed you. Yoongi wouldn’t admit it, but he did too.”

And so did you – you were aware that ghosting the majority of your friends wasn’t the nicest thing you could’ve done but you were feeling blue, not wanting to talk to anyone else than your neighbor’s cat and the moon.

A small apologetic pout formed on your lips, “Missed you too. I promise I’ll come around more often again.”

On your way to the living room, you studied the people around you – most of them you knew but a few of them you never saw before. It still amazes you how, even after several years of being friends, you still didn’t know all of Hoseok’s friends. This man was like a puppy on the loose, making friends and fans everywhere he’d go.

A few people were busy playing beer pong, Jeongguk and Taehyung had the most concentrated expression you had ever seen on their faces and you wished they would’ve taken your many group projects back in college as serious as this match. Another few familiar faces were chatting and smoking in the kitchen, all of them sitting on the ground. Yoongi sat right in front of the fridge that was probably filled with nothing but a few beers, knowing that’s the typical lifestyle Yoongi and Hoseok had going on.

One could argue that after graduating and finding real jobs their need to party every weekend would vanish but no, they still were the exact same.

You felt a bit lost, not knowing where to go. As you arrived the party was already in full swing, everyone had their spot and you felt almost left out for a second, wondering who you should hold onto for the night.

After grabbing a bottle of cheap champagne from the kitchen, you decided to check out the living room – much to your luck, you found an empty space between Hoseok and Jimin on the couch, gladly getting comfortable between the two friends who were currently discussing which Team would win.

“It’ll be Jeongguk’s for sure,” you threw your thoughts into the conversation, “Come on, it’s Jeongguk. He never loses, we all know that.”

Jimin nodded his head eagerly, agreeing with you, “That’s what I am saying too! It’s two versus one now.”

Hoseok, who didn’t even look at you because he was so invested in watching Taehyung’s every move shook his head, “Tae trained a lot and got so good at it. I think he might stand a chance.”

Just as you clinked your cups with Jimin, ready to get tipsy, Jeongguk noticed you and his smile went wide, reaching his eyes.

“(Y/N),” he shouted over the music from the corner of the living room, “Join us. We’re missing one team member anyways.”

“I hate beer,” you yelled back, “I’d rather die than drink this cold piss.”

He rolled his eyes, not taking a no as an answer. “I’ll drink it for you, I just need someone who actually can aim, unlike this idiot here,” his voice was frustrated while pointing to Seokjn.

“Respect your elders,” Seokjin started scolding as he was aiming to throw the ball in his hand - and then, just like expected, he missed the cup completely.

“See, please, you have to save us,” Jeongguk came over to you, extending his hand to help you up from the couch and you decided to join him before he and Seokjin would start fighting. It’s been quite some time since you played beer pong with your friends but back then, you always did quite a decent job at it.

Before it was your turn, Jeongguk and Taehyung both scored another goal, gulping down their cups within seconds. There were four full cups of beer left in front of you and you prayed that you wouldn’t have to drink one of them. Why couldn’t they play this stupid game with something that actually tasted alright?

Glancing up, ready to shoot your shot your breath stopped for a second as you saw your opponent – Taehyung just recruited a new member for his team from the kitchen because he claimed that if Jeongguk could add a player midgame so could he. But you didn’t expect to be the new member of his team someone you’ve seen before, in a different situation.

“Pizza girl,” Namjoon exclaimed amused, his dimples seemed to be even deeper than you remembered them and he seemed to be pretty tipsy already judging by his pronunciation, “you look different.”

His relaxed aura immediately made you relax too, not even questioning for a second as to where in the world he knew Yoongi and/or Hoseok from. You did make a mental note to check with your friends about that later though.

“The power of make-up and a shower,” you shrug while throwing your ball and – the ball landed right inside of it, Namjoon chuckling as he gave you a thumbs up.

Jeongguk gave you a high five and ruffled your hair a bit, something he always did when he got drunk. Quite funny to compare this Jeongguk with the shy boy you met in the beginning of college but you were happy that he opened up to all of your friends and became a part of your group.

“Where do you know each other from?” Taehyung asked Namjoon, curiousity sparkling in his eyes.

“He stole Antonio’s job,” you sighed dramatically before Namjoon could answer, still not over your favorite delivery man being gone forever.

Taehyung playfully shook his head in disappointment, “You stole his job? not cool, man. Antonio was like our hero in bad, hungry times.”

“Always made sure we’re not starving,” Jeongguk joined the conversation.

“Also, he was kind of sexy, not going to lie,” Jimin joked from the couch, making you laugh a bit and Hoseok gag.

Namjoon threw his hands into the air as if he’s giving up a fight he didn’t even participate in. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he sounded defeated, playing along with your shenanigans, “I understand I’ll never be him but I’m trying my best.”

Just in that moment Yoongi walked into the living room. His arm wrapping around your shoulder, the unexpected touch instantly letting you know that he was drunk because otherwise, he wouldn’t put his arm around you. Not that you minded, it was just something unusual for Yoongi.

“What’s going on here?” he asked, confusion written all over his face, “Who is Namjoon trying to compete with?”

“Apparently he took over Antonio's job,” Hoseok informed his boyfriend amused, “And now we’re mourning over the loss of our beloved Antonio.”

Yoongi knew that Namjoon just started a new job as a delivery guy and he also heard that Antonio got fired before, wondering where he knew that from. As he studied your face, you could see his brain working, putting one and one together.

He knew about Antonio from you. The memory of your conversation came back to his slightly intoxicated mind – you told him about Antonio being fired, but more importantly, you told him about your newest addition to the many men that you crushed on. No one else than the man who replaced Antonio. Which also meant, no one else than Namjoon.

His eyes widened and stared a hole into your soul. After being friends for so many years you two mastered the art of communicating with nothing but glances and his current face was asking you if you were actually talking about his friend on the phone a few days ago.

As you wondered where Yoongi knew that guy from and how in the world you never met him before, not even heard his name, you gave him a small, embarrassed nod followed by a slightly pleading glance back, begging him not to tell anyone.

You could tell he was trying not to burst out into laughter at the situation – of course, out of all the people in the world it had to be someone he knew. But at least he gave you an approving smile afterwards, almost as if to give you his blessing, something very rare. Most of the time Yoongi wasn’t a big fan of your crushes, not only because he knew you fell in love with a different stranger every other week but also because, in his opinion, you had a terrible taste when it came to men.

“Guys, (y/n) and Yoongi are doing their weird talking without talking thing again,” Jeongguk’s voice almost sounded annoyed, scrunching his nose a bit.

For a second you didn’t realize the tall figure that came over to you and Yoongi, his hands buried in the kangaroo pocket of his grey oversized hoodie in which you’d look very adorable, just saying.

Namjoon startled you a bit and you tried not to choke on your own spit as you noticed him.

“(Y/N), huh? Nice to meet you again, officially this time,” he gave you a soft smile and you felt pathetic for wanting to stare at him smiling forever, wondering how many girls were in love with him you bet he could have almost every girl looking like that.

Flashing him a cheeky smile, you nodded, “Nice to meet you too again, officially. I had no idea you know my friends.”

Hoseok stood up from the couch and interrupted the two of you, teasing you a bit, “Better get used to her. She doesn’t know how to cook, you’ll see her daily from now on.”

Scoffing, Yoongi shook his head, “Honestly, Namjoon might be an even worse cook than she is.”

Namjoon chuckled and in your mind you already knew once you were drunk enough and gathered enough confidence you had to poke your fingers in them.

“I have your number on speed dial,” you joked, a grin on your face.

“Living the unhealthy lifestyle I see,” Namjoon answered amused, “I can identify myself with that.”

Before you could continue talking to Namjoon, Jeongguk grew impatient beside you. He almost pouted while he dragged you back to the table, “We have a match to win, get your head in the game.”

And about twenty minutes later, you, Seokjin and Jeongguk were loudly celebrating victory with high-fives and hugs while Taehyung’s team was mourning over their loss.

“Next round!” Jeongguk annouced solemnly, “That is if you can handle another loss, Taehyung?”

Taehyung scoffed between his laughter, “I’ll crush you, Jeon Jeongguk, you just wait.”

“Your team has no chance against us,” Jeongguk laughed while refilling the empty cups with beer.

“You have to do without (y/n) though,” Hoseok announced from his space from the couch, “We have to snatch her away for a bit.”

Apologizing to a grumpy Jeongguk, you made your way to your two favorite people in the world, sitting down right beside Yoongi and Hoseok.

The shit-eating grin on both of their faces already gave them away and you knew exactly why they wanted to talk to you. Hoseok handed you a drink and you took it, knowing that you needed a bit more alcohol in your system for the upcoming teasing.

“So, you have your eyes on Namjoon I heard,” Hoseok giggled joyfully.

Glaring at Yoongi, you rolled your eyes, “I wonder who told you about that.”

Yoongi shrugged, with the same grin plastered on his face, “He’s a good guy, I know it doesn’t matter because you’re emotionally unable to have a real relationship but I would still support it.”

Hoseok hit Yoongi’s chest lightly, almost as if he was telling him not to be too mean to you even though everyone knew that you’d never talk without thick sarcasm to each other. Turning back to you, he raised his eyebrow before proposing, “I could easily set you up. I already have a plan in my head.”

You shook your head heavily, a short laugh escaping from you, “No, don’t worry. I don’t even know him, let me talk to him in peace first. I might come back to it though.”

Hoseok was known to be the matchmaker of your group – by now he must have tried to set up almost everyone of his friends with a pretty good success rate. But you prefered to take things into your own hands and he always respected that.

“So, are you over Jay?” Yoongi asked in a careful and caring tone, knowing it was still a sensitive topic.

And for a second the question caught you off guard. You weren’t over him yet, no, but you were at least wanting to get over it. That was at least something, right? 

“Not really yet,” letting out a deep sigh, you pressed your lips together a bit, “I’m working on it I guess.”

His eyes narrowed a bit as he was trying to figure out how you actually were doing, “And with that you mean you’re actually working on it or do you mean you’re getting drunk and eat too much junk food all the time?”

Despite you being reminded about your heartbreak you managed to crack a smile, “I don’t see any difference in those methods.”

“Namjoon,” before Yoongi could scold you, Hoseok suddenly started yelling, “Come over here for a second, will you?”

Panicking, your eyes widened, “What in the world do you think you’re doing?”

He gave you an amused glance, “God’s work.”

And within seconds, Namjoon was standing right in front of you, “Hi guys, what’s up?”

Hoseok gestured for him to sit down next to you on the small space left on the couch and he did as he was told, “Since you’re our pizza expert from now on we need you to help us resolve a burning question we have been discussing about for forever.”

Laughing, Namjoon’s attention was fully diverted to the three of you, “I wouldn’t call myself a pizza expert but I hope I can mediate.”

You rubbed your forehead, knowing exactly what Hoseok was on about, “Hoseok, don’t make him go through –“

He shushed you lovingly before you could finish, “Our little (y/n) right here claims that pineapple pizza is ordered as often as the classics just like peperoni pizza or ham pizza. And I say that’s bullshit. Pineapple pizza is not as popular as the classics, right?”

“To my defence,” you started, turning to Namjoon to tell him your point of view, “I never said that it deserves to be a classic. But I do believe that there’s a reason for the whole pineapple on pizza discussion and I think that reason is that a lot more people than you’d think actually enjoy it and they started fighting for pineapple on pizza rights.”

Yoongi was rubbing his temple in frustration, butting in, “They have fighting about this for two years now. Two whole years

Namjoon cackled at the heated discussion in front of him, before trying to put on a serious face, “Okay, I think I am the answer to your question. I definitely deliver as many pineapple pizzas as I deliver peperoni or ham pizzas. The only one that beats those three is a good old margherita.”

“HA! I told you so,” you teased Hoseok whose mouth stood wide open at the betrayal of his friend, “When will you learn that I am always right?”

Standing up, Hoseok chuckled while he shook his head in disbelief, “If you’d excuse me, I need a stronger drink to deal with this information.”

“You’re just a bad loser,” you yelled after him, celebrating your victory once again.

“Now I have to deal with his whiny ass, thank you very much,” Yoongi chuckled half-jokingly, half serious, “Good job, Namjoon. I better go after him.”

“I didn’t know that it was such a sensitive topic,” Namjoon laughed, almost feeling bad. You couldn’t help but notice how close he was sitting to you still. Yoongi and Hoseok for sure know how to set someone up even though you told them not to get involved, “Funny to see that Hobi is still bad at losing.”

“Hobi?” you asked curious, “I never heard someone calling him that before. Where does that come from?”

Namjoon was taking a sip of his drink before his eyes widened a bit, “I forgot that people don’t use that nickname for him anymore. We used to call him Hobi in middle school.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize you’re a high school friend of his,” your face brightened, “Tell me what he was like in high school. I bet he was a handful.”

The boy beside you scrunched his face for a second and you made sure to save as much as you could to your mind, “He was just as happy and bright as today. We used to be super close but I left home when we went to college and yeah, now after graduating, I came back home.”

“Welcome back then,” you threw him a warm smile before holding up your cup, “Cheers to a new friend in the group.”

Both of you took a sip of your drink before Namjoon got a bit more comfortable on the couch, his back now resting against the pillows behind him and naturally manspreading a bit, enough to make you go insane inside.

Mirroring his actions, you leaned back too, tilting your body a bit towards his, body language making sure that no one got the idea to interrupt your conversation.

“How do you know Hobi?” Namjoon asked with curiousity in his eyes. It might be a thing he does with everyone but his attention seemed to be laying completely on you as you were talking, holding eye contact constantly.

“Yoongi and I have been best friends since our childhood and one day he introduced me to Hoseok with the words ‘This is my boyfriend. Oh, and also I’m bisexual’, I will never forget that,” you laughed, “Ever since then Hoseok and I became friends. He’s too good for Yoongi if you ask me.”

Namjoon seemed to be interested in whatever you were saying, even though you didn’t really say anything interesting. The two of you were talking about everything, your college degrees, he told you he is working as a delivery guy for now to take a break and next year he’ll start to work, you talked about the town and the people attending the party – it was easy talking to him but that might have been thanks to the alcohol.

The rest of the night was rather calm much to your liking, you spent some more time with Hoseok, Yoongi and Namjoon before you and Jeongguk decided to go home together because you lived in the same apartment complex.

You couldn’t help but think of Namjoon’s kind eyes all the way home, almost not listening to Jeongguk rambling about the boy was into (he wouldn’t say his name but all of your friends knew he was talking about Taehyung) because your mind was full of Hoseok’s best friend from high school.

Yoongi said that lately, you’ve been drinking alone a bit too often and you knew he was right – so once again, you were sitting on your couch but tonight, you didn’t feel half as sad as usually. The prosecco you were drinking made you feel giddy as you actually took care of yourself for once instead of crying your eyes out.

You almost felt good with the face mask sitting on your face for way longer than was recommended, your hair up in curlers as you were wearing your favorite pajama. The bedsheets you stole from your bedroom to cover you on the couch were freshly changed, your favorite playlist was blasting from the speakers and while cleaning earlier you found an old puzzle you were currently trying to finish.

And, on top of that, your favorite pizza was on its way, brought to you by no one else than the man that could possibly be the cure for your heartbreak.

You were surprised that you were in such a good mood. There were two possibilities: Either you were slowly going insane or you actually were getting better. Fingers crossed it was the second one.

As you were waiting for the pizza to arrive you finished the whole bottle of prosecco and you could feel the alcohol running through your veins when you got up after the door rang.

Taking step after step slowly, afraid you’d fall, you giggled to yourself. The way you were walking looked ridiculous, enough to make your drunk self laugh.

Opening the door, your smile grew as wide as it could when you saw Namjoon in front of you, his expression mirroring your own.

“Happy to see me?” he asked you, arching an eyebrow.

Nodding, you felt a hiccup coming up your throat, almost embarrassed when it came out but Namjoon’s chuckle told you that he found it rather cute.

“You always make my days better,” you sing-sang happily.

He was clearly amused by the state you were in, getting out the pizza for you, “Are you sure it’s me who makes them better or is it only the cause of my visits?”

You shrugged playfully, “It’s a mixture of both. But mainly, you’re right, it’s the greasy gift of god your visits are connected with.”

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion for a second, staring at your hair before another amused chuckle escaped his lips, shaking his head amused, “There’s a puzzle piece in your hair.”

Before you could do it, his hand was in your hair, fiddling with it a bit to free the piece out of it. Handing it to you, he let out a laugh – and you already thought his small chuckles were cute but the laugh of this man was on yet another level.

“Once again, you’re my knight in shining amour,” you smirked, the playful banter just adding to your positive mood, “I was looking for that, I was already frustrated because I was missing one piece.”

Namjoon’s eyes grew wide, a bit surprised, “You’re actually puzzling?”

“Well, where do you think that piece came from?”

Somehow, you noticed, Namjoon always had a soft expression on his face, as if he was admiring everything around him. It would be a privilege to be the one who gets to wake up next to that face.

“You’ve got a point there,” he nodded, “I just haven’t seen anyone puzzling in probably fifteen years.”

“What a shame, you should try it,” you told him, “I promise it’s fun.”

“So, you’re alone, drunk and puzzling all by yourself?” Namjoon seemed to be amused, “I can’t tell if that is the saddest or cutest thing I’ve seen in a while.”

You raised your eyebrow while biting down your lip in order not to laugh at his attempt of flirting and he panicked as soon as he realized what he just said, mumbling fastly, “I mean, I definitely have to try it again. I will for sure soon. You got me hooked on the idea now.”

Now you couldn’t help it but let a small chuckle escape, nodding your head, “I surely still have a few old puzzles lying around here somewhere. Why don’t you just text me and I’ll tell you when I found them. I’ll hand them down to you.”

Namjoon’s hand was nervously playing with the nape of his hair on his neck and you made a note in your head that apparently drunk and sober Namjoon were two completely different people. “I don’t have your number though.”

Still chuckling, you took out your pizza out of the delivery box yourself because Namjoon seemed to be too starstruck to do so, “You do. It’s on the delivery note.”

Embarrassed, he now let out a laugh too, “Oh, you’re right. Well, I’ll definitely make use of that then.”

Nodding, you started to close the door, “I sure hope so. Have a quiet and relaxing night, Namjoon.”

“You too,” he managed to say before you closed the door, “Enjoy your pizza.”

You were a smiling mess as you made your way back to the living room where the intro of the next episode of Gilmore Girls was playing and the next bottle of prosecco was waiting for you.

In your head you were replaying the little encounter, getting your pizza out of the plastic bag it was in – only to see yet another thing that made your heart melt.

On top of the box were two dips, one of them had a little sticky note attached to it.

[ Only an amateur like Antonio would put one extra dip. Real guys like me put two. Enjoy your meal, (y/n) :) ]

You giggled while taking a picture of the note and sending it to Yoongi in an instant to keep him updated.

Just as you hit the send button another message came in from an unknown number – Namjoon didn’t wait to text you and you thought that was very cute, you hated nothing more than guys thinking it’s cool to let someone wait for days before they texted.

[ Namjoon: What kind of puzzles do you have? I want a cool one with a Star Wars picture on it or something like that. P.s.: I hope I chose the right dips, if not let me know which ones you prefer.]

If you weren’t whipped for him yet now you surely were. He most likely didn’t care about puzzles one bit and had no actual desire to puzzle but if it was a good enough reason to keep up a conversation with him you would talk to him about puzzles for weeks.

[ You: I can offer you cute baby cats in a cup or one of those sunflower babys. I might have a Disney one somewhere but it had 2000 pieces.]

Not even three minutes later, Namjoon texted you back – making you wonder how in the world he was able to text you during work but you wouldn’t question it any further.

[ Namjoon: So what you’re saying is you don’t think I can handle 2000 pieces? Challenge accepted. And if I am not able to do it in the end I always can ask you for help right?]

If anyone told you that you and your delivery guy would be flirting while talking about puzzles together a few weeks ago you wouldn’t have believed them but you most definitely weren’t complaining – what an interesting guy.

“Happy birthday my baby,” Hoseok said as he hugged you tight. Right after that, Yoongi did the same, even giving you a pat on your head – you knew it was a special day when Yoongi showed you physical affection.

“Yeah, happy birthday you annoying angel,” Yoongi smirked, “I hope we’re the last ones to arrive.”

Of course they were. No matter where you were going, Yoongi was always the last person to arrive. He said it’s because it’s his ‘branding’ but you were pretty sure it was just him not being able to time anything right.

Everyone was already there – not that you invited a lot, just Jeongguk and Taehyung, Seokjin and his lovely girlfriend Mina, Jimin, your best friend Norah and last and also latest, Yoongi and Hoseok.

You wanted nothing more for your special day than just a small gathering with a bit of alcohol and a lot of fun, just talking and playing Mario Kart all night long like you all did back in college.

“Open our present,” Hoseok insisted while hanging up his and his boyfriend’s coat and you wouldn’t let him tell you twice.

Opening the envelope Yoongi unlovingly pressed into your hands when he entered your eyes went wide, a small gasp escaping your lips.

“No way,” you were more than surprised as you were holding four tickets to your favorite musical, “how did you convince Yoongi to agree?”

Shrugging, Hoseok send you a mysterious smile, “I have my ways. I can’t wait to go, we wanted to go for such a long time.”

Hugging both of them tightly, you even managed to press a kiss to Yoongi’s cheek, “Who’s the fourth ticket for though?”

“Up to you, it’s a double date, you’ll find some guy,” Yoongi shrugged before a mischievious spark found its way into his eyes, “Maybe you can return the favor to a certain someone who nowadays risks his jobs to sneak extra dips into your order?”

“Wait, what did I miss?” Hoseok asked you with wide eyes before turning to his boyfriend, “Are you keeping important information from me?”

You shook your head, immediately disagreeing, “It’s nothing. Namjoon just gave me extra dips when I ordered a few days ago, it’s no big deal.”

“No big deal?” Hoseok gasped, in his head he was already planning your wedding, “That’s so romantic. He kept in mind that Antonio always did it for you and now he’s doing the same for you. I never knew Namjoon could be such a romantic dude.”

You let out a laugh, amused by Hoseok’s reaction, “It’s just dip, Hoseok. We’re not getting married.”

“They are texting though,” Yoongi added fuel to the fire, “She sent me screenshots. He even used emojis.”

The grin on Hoseok’s face was now manifested as you were slowly making your way to the living room where the music was coming from and the others were already playing drinking games, “He never once used emojis with me.”

“Young love must be so beautiful,” Yoongi teased you as he was letting himself fall down on his usual spot on the couch. Sometimes you wondered why out of all the people he was destined to be your best friend.

Knowing how nosy your friends are, all of them were immediately bombading you with questions.

“Who is in love?” Jeongguk’s eyes darted up from the cards he was holding on his hand, panic in his eyes visible. Surely, he thought it was about him and Taehyung – it was an open secret that they had a thing for each other.

“Soon, it won’t be me if this loser right here keeps on losing at this game,” Seokjin nagged his girlfriend, giving her thigh a small squeeze.

Before you could say anything, Norah joined the others, “I can’t believe you’re in love and didn’t tell me anything about it. Finally over Jaehyun, thank god.”

Ouch. While you were doing better day by day you still didn’t have to be reminded of the guy who ghosted you recently on your birthday.

“Guys, our little (y/n) will soon be off the market,” Hoseok announced happily, “She and Namjoon are going straight towards the dating stage.”

You facepalmed yourself, shaking your head, “That is an absolute lie, guys. Don’t believe anything Hoseok says. I am very single right now and will continue to be in the future.”

“Sure,” Yoongi scoffed, filling an empty glass with some liquor that was standing around, “As if Hoseok will let that happen. Once his mind is set it’s over for you anyways. That’s how he got me too.”

“It would be very nice if stopped talking about my love life for now,” you playfully warned them with killing glances, “It’s my birthday, you have to listen to me after all.”

Jeongguk raised his glass, gesturing for everyone to do the same, “To our beloved (y/n). May the new year of her life be filled with fun, love and more sex than the last one.”

“God knows she needs it,” Seokjin yelled as all of your glasses clinked and you were gulping down the bitter liquor in your cup.

The night went by much to your liking: Filled with laughter, reminicising old memories, one of them including that one time Yoongi yeeted a full water bottle against your temple, drinking and the feeling of being together, right where you belonged.

Of course, Hoseok out of all people brought up the brilliant idea to order some pizza – not going to lie, despite the ulterior motive Hoseok definitely had, it would not have been a normal night if you didn’t get pizza at one point.

You were sure that everytime your friends were over at your place you ordered pizza, it was the most normal thing but with Hoseok’s sheepish grin as he ordered you suddenly felt like it wasn’t the best idea.

Seeing Namjoon in combination of him bringing something as delicious as pizza was a birthday present in itself but you just had a bad feeling about Hoseok already plotting something you couldn’t see coming right now in the back of his mind.

The door bell rang around 10.45, the evening just getting started and you were unable to open it, due to you being entangled between Seokjin’s and Norah’s limbs in a heated game of Twister that you were not willing to lose.

“Ask him to come too after his shift is over,” you ordered Hoseok as he was jumping up from his space on the couch to open it for you, “It would be rude not to ask.”

Hoseok scoffed, shaking his head, “You really think I wouldn’t have done that anyway?”

Namjoon was rather surprised to see Hoseok open the door but he figured out that there was a small gathering going on as soon as he heard the screams from the living room – luckily he wasn’t around to see you sandwiched between your friends after Seokjin decided he had enough of you two and just let himself fall on top of you with his whole weight crushing you.

“I was already worried as to why (Y/N) ordered seven pizzas tonight,” Namjoon let out a laugh as he greeted Hoseok with a fast handshake.

Hoseok knew that he couldn’t be too obvious with Namjoon about his plans – he was sure that he could get it to work between the two of you but he knew his oldest friend, he might be smart but he also was the clumsiest guy on earth, especially when it came to girls.

He chuckled, “It’s her birthday today, we’re celebrating in a small round.”

Namjoon’s eyes widened, instantly feeling bad for not knowing that today was your special day, “You should’ve told me. I would’ve texted her about it earlier then. Now it’s almost too late.”

Hoseok nodded, a suspicious smile on his lips, “I would have if you wouldn’t have kept it a secret from me that you’re talking to her in the first place.”

He offered Hoseok a helpless smile, almost apologetic, “Sorry, I forgot to mention it. We’re not even really talking. She just orders pizza a lot and I got her number from the delivery note.”

“Sure, sure,” Hoseok answered, making sure Namjoon knew that he didn’t believe him a single word, “No need to make excuses. She’s cute, I’m not blind. When do you get off today?”

Checking his watch for a second he didn’t notice you coming around the corner, “In fifteen minutes. You’re my last delivery, just have to bring back the car after this.”

“You should come over after,” his voice made him look up, almost seeming surprised to see you at your own home, “You can’t say no, it’s my birthday.”

He broke into a smile, nodding instantly, “Happy birthday, (y/n). I’ll see you in twenty, alright?”

“Don’t let me wait too long,” you almost sing-sang as you took a few of the pizza cartons from his hand, turning your back to him and Hoseok again as you walked to the living room.

Namjoon let out a frustrated sigh after you were gone when he saw the teasing glance of his friend.

“You’re whipped already dude,” Hoseok let out a laugh as he took the other pizzas, “See you in a few minutes. Be fast, I’ll make sure that she’s drunk when you arrive. She gets even chattier when she’s under the influence. I can’t wait for my newest project.”

As he came back and all of you sat around your living room table, ready to eat and chat and taking a break of the games you were playing you felt excited. It was embarrassing and probably childish but the thought of Namjoon coming over later made you feel almost giggly.

When the doorbell rang again you were quick to get up and make sure you were the one opening it.

You were still pretty sober and a part of you wanted it to stay that way just so you could take in Namjoon sober, not influenced by anything else.

But as you opened the door, you instantly knew that you actually might need more alcohol tonight than ever before.

“Jay,” your voice was thin and you had to clear your throat in order for it to come back, “What are you doing here?”

Instead of Namjoon’s face you were greeted with his and not only did you not want to see him, you also didn’t want to be reminded of him at all.

“It’s your birthday and I know it was mean of me to –” he started to explain, flowers and chocolate in his hand but you had to interrupt him. You just had to stop him from talking before you could allow him to hurt you again.

You might play around with Yoongi and claim you’re falling in love with every second pretty face you meet but the truth is that you barely ever let anyone in and Jay once again was the living proof on why you should keep it that way.

You liked him, you truly did – you could see yourself with him, in a serious and loving relationship. Jay and you had good sex, you could easily have a serious conversation with him in one second and then almost die of laughter in the next, you talked every single day, he called you before going to bed and everything seemed perfect.

Until one day, it didn’t. It all went down really fast – first he didn’t call anymore, the next day he barely responded to your texts, a few days later he didn’t even talk to you at all anymore.

You remember calling him drunk one night and he actually picked up for once only to tell you that you needed to respect his opinion. And you wanted to – you were the last one to run after a guy but the way he ghosted you just seemed unfair to you.

“Stop it, please,” you let out a long sigh, eyelids closing as you were trying to control the anger building in your stomach, “You have to leave right now.”

But you knew Jay and his stubborn self, he wouldn’t leave easily, “You don’t have to invite me in but please let me explain.”

Rubbing your temple in distress you almost considered hearing him out, almost got weak for a second. But then you thought about all the times you cried your eyes out over him, you got drunk and ate like shit and didn’t take care of yourself anymore, you were so lovesick you even skipped your friends’ parties and on the worst days you didn’t even have the energy to answer their texts.

You were still hurting, still wondering about why you weren’t good enough and how he could leave so easily when you were having such a hard time to get over him but that didn’t mean you were weak.

Just because it still hurt didn’t mean you had to hear him out.

Wrinkles formed on Jaehyun’s forehead as he desperately tried to get your attention, “Give me one more chance.”

Luckily, the anger overpowered the sadness inside of you as you heard those words out of his mouth. For weeks you were longing to hear those words and go back to normal but that was no more.

“Are you completely insane?” your eyes widened furiously, your nails lightly pressing itself into the palm of your hands, “How dare you come here on my birthday and act like this? After all you’ve done.”

Jay nodded, his hand trying to get ahold of your shoulder to make you look at him but you didn’t let him touch you. “I know I sound insane but I can’t be without you.”

A scoff was all you could offer him as an answer, not believing that he had the balls to say stuff like that, “Go get some help, Jay.”

Before he could say anything, you heard Yoongi’s sarcastic chuckle from behind you, also not believing his eyes, “Everything okay (Y/N)?”

“Yoongi,” Jay almost sounded relieved to see him, “Help me out here. I’m trying to own up to my mistakes.”

Yoongi shook his head in disbelief. He didn’t seem to be as mad as you but he clearly was taking your side, “Dude, you have to let it go. You can’t just come here and make a scene.”

As if the situation at hand wasn’t bad enough, Hoseok came up from behind you at the same time Namjoon was walking to your door behind Jay.

With each passing second everything just seemed to become messier. Hoseok didn’t hate Jay, you were sure Hoseok was not even able to feel hate towards someone, but after all he did to you he certainly wasn’t very fond of him.

And what he disliked even more was someone putting stones in his way as he was trying to set you up with someone who he was sure would treat you way better than Jay ever could.

“Namjoon, thank god you’re here,” Hoseok’s voice sounded hopeful, “Jay, it’s time to leave. As you can see, you’re not needed anymore. Goodbye.”

Namjoon clearly was beyond perplexed as to what was going on – it was like he walked straight into a battlefield. He didn’t know you very well but you were clearly angry, the unfamiliar guy standing in the doorframe next to him the reason for it.

Putting one and one together fast, Namjoon understood what Hoseok meant.

“Hello,” with a fake smile, he greeted the stranger next to him, “I have no idea who you are but judging the glances (Y/N) is throwing you you’re not very welcomed.”

You were thankful that Namjoon came to your rescue – Jaehyun would not have shut up if Yoongi or Hoseok told him to but a complete new face telling him that he better should leave had an impact on him.

Stepping past him and inside Namjoon wrapped his arm around your shoulder as an obvious statement towards Jay and threw you a small, reassuring smile, “Happy birthday once again, should we go inside and have a nice evening now? Or do you still want to talk to him?”

You made a note in the back of your mind, making sure to thank Namjoon for saving you later. Who knows what the outcome would have been if he didn’t play along?

“No, let’s go,” you nodded as the four of you were turning around to leave Jay at the doorstep.

“(Y/N), you know I love you right?” you heard Jay yell after you as a last try to make you change your mind but Yoongi was quick to shut the door behind him, not having Jay’s shit anymore.

You came to a halt in your hall as Namjoon’s arm left your shoulder – you didn’t want to cry but you could feel your nose tingling and hot tears coming to you eyes as you heard him say those three words.

For a second you were unable to move, in complete shock and before you knew it, some of the tears were rolling down your face. It wasn’t like you were crying heavily, you just spilled some tears and you promised yourself right then and there that those tears would be last ones you ever cry for him.

“I’m sorry,” you managed to say with a shaking voice.

“Sorry for what?” Yoongi chuckled, wiping the tears out of your face, “For wasting so much time on a jerk like him? It’s okay, we forgive you.”

You let out a small laughter through the tears, followed by a deep breath before turning to Namjoon. What bugged you the most was that he had to witness all of that.

“Thank you for having my back there,” you told him and only saw Yoongi and Hoseok sneaking away in the corner of your eyes to once again leave you two to talk alone, “I feel a bit embarrassed to be honest.”

Namjoon shook his head reassuringly, his hand on your arm as an offer of comfort, “Nothing to be ashamed of. Whoever that guy was, and I am assuming he is or was more than a friend to you, he seemed like an asshole.”

“Was,” you informed him immediately, “Was more than a friend. The only thing he is, present tense, is just another regret of mine.”

Nodding, Namjoon looked into your eyes and offered you a smile, “Are you okay?”

“A bit hurt and agitated but more than ready to move on,” you answered him, the corners of your mouth turning into a smile.

“Good,” he chuckled before pulling you into a hug, “I didn’t get to properly congratulate you yet. You could’ve told me your birthday was coming up, now I had no time to think of a present for you.”

Waving him off, you were about to assure him that he didn’t need to get you anything at all but before you could he was already getting a small package out of his bag.

“I can’t believe you still got me something,” you lectured him but he shushed you immediately.

“Just take it and open it. It’s just something very small but I saw it at the gas station on my way here and just had to get it for you.”

You could feel your heart melting already as he gave you the present but when you opened it and realized what it was, you swear your heart was melting away like butter in the sun.

A genuine laugh bursted out from you, “A puzzle and a bottle of wine. You just gifted me a perfect evening.”

You hugged him once again, thanking him for the present. It might have been something small but the meaning behind it was big. It was thoughtful, clever, cute and actually useful. Maybe even your favorite present of the evening, right after Yoongi’s and Hoseok’s that is.

“I got the biggest one they had so if you need help with it you just have to text me,” his voice was nothing more than a mumble as he was still embracing you. Well played, Kim Namjoon.

“Oh, believe me, I will.”

No matter how much you promised yourself not to let it get to you, Jay was not giving up. Calls, texts, flowers delivered to your door. He was putting in effort and even though you appreciated it, you told him more than once that you’ll not come back.

It’s been like this ever since your birthday five days ago. A part of you was curious as to what changed in his mind for him to go back and fight for you now but you knew as soon as you let him explain you would let him in again – and letting him in again was something you desperately wanted, and needed to avoid.

So, you fell down your hole again – it was exhausting and draining to act like everything was fine when you felt confused and hurt inside.

“Don’t cry too much, will you promise me?” Yoongi asked you from the other side of the phone.

You let out a sad chuckle, “I won’t promise. I’ll bawl my eyes out tonight. I’m in the mood for crying.”

Your best friend wasn’t very quiet about how much he hated seeing you like this. It was his way of showing you he cares. He checked in with you and told you you’re a helpless mess, trying to cheer you up in his own way, “Well, then you go and be a crybaby over a guy that doesn’t even deserve you. I tried.”

You laughed at his salty words, knowing he didn’t mean them, “Why am I even friends with you?”

“Been asking myself the same question for years,” he nagged you, “I have to go now. Stop sulking, get over that loser and then distract yourself with that cute delivery guy you always talk about. Bye.”

You haven’t seen Namjoon ever since your birthday but you were texting each other every now and then. Namjoon wasn’t stupid though, he knew you were having your own problems to deal with right now, not even trying to flirt with you as long as you were struggling.

There you were, sitting in your flat all alone, not knowing what to do with yourself. The most likely option was going to bed, crying your eyes out and craving for someone to hold you. That also was the most pathetic option but you stopped caring a long time ago.

Just as you were washing your face and brushing your teeth to get ready to go to bed, even though it wasn’t even that late yet, you heard the door bell ring, ignoring it. You weren’t expecting anyone and the possibility of Jay standing outside was way too high.

What you didn’t expect was another familiar voice yelling for you, “Delivery for (y/n). I know you’re home. Your light is on, idiot.”

You fastly walked over to the door and were surprised to see Namjoon in front of you, a pitying smile on his face. It was a terrible thought for him to see you like that.

By now you knew Namjoon well enough to know that he was the last one to judge you for going through a hard time but you still hated that he probably thought you were an emotional wreck (didn’t matter that he was very right with that).

“I didn’t order anything,” you said a bit startled, not knowing what was going on.

Shrugging, he handed you a paper bag, “I know but that’s the perk of being friends with a delivery guy. Surprise deliveries.”

You almost pouted because you were so touched by Namjoon taking care of you, “You really didn’t have to.”

A grin appeared on his face, the beautiful sight of his dimples making your chest hurt a bit. Namjoon seemed to be the perfect guy, right in front of you, but you couldn’t stop mourning over some idiot, “I wanted to. Plus, I missed you.”

What pissed you off the most was that you were doing better without Jay and then he had to show up and make you fall back to square one.

You smiled at Namjoon, a genuine smile, not one of the many fake ones you had to pull off over the last few days, “You’re too good to me.”

Namjoon would be willing to do almost anything to just get a genuine smile from you. He talked to Hoseok about it a few days ago and realized that his friend was right – for whatever reason, he was more than interested in the human form of a walking disaster that stood in front of him.

A part of him knew from the beginning but the more he got to know you, the more he got to appreciate your little quirks and flaws.

As you thanked him once again after a bit of small talk you let him go back to work and sat down on the bed to see what Namjoon brought you - your stomach was growling like crazy, you didn’t even realize how hungry you were. Thank god you have a Namjoon to take care of you.

The bag had a whole pot of ice-cream, two bottles of wine and a little note in it.

[ Cry it all out & cheer up soon. Until then, here’s some comfort in the form of food and alcohol for you. ]

Your stomach was tingling reading the little message – a small pout appeared on your lips, feeling both touched by Namjoon’s cute gesture and also miserable because you wanted to over Jay already.

Not only did you want to forget Jay, even more you wanted to completely fall in love with Namjoon. You wanted to experience what kissing him would be like and being held by him at night and also waking up next to him in the morning.

And with that mindset, you swallowed down your tears, shook any thought regarding Jay out of your mind and finally blocked his number. It was about time to do that. If only Yoongi was here to witness that moment, he sure would have been proud.

It was only 11.25 p.m. – you swore it felt like the middle of the night as you checked your phone, slightly annoyed.

But after turning around in your bed for several hours, you gave up on the idea of sleep. You weren’t even tired in the first place, you just wanted this miserable day to end.

If you couldn’t fall asleep you at least could waste your time with something more fun than staring at the ceiling and overthinking every single thing you have ever done in your life.

And oh, what a peaceful night this could’ve been, full of sleep and nice dreams – if only you didn’t decide to start the puzzle Namjoon gifted to you.

This man really bought the most complicated one he could’ve found, about seventy percent of it consisting of very dark to black pieces.

Puzzling was supposed to be a stress reliever but right then you just wanted to throw it against the nearest wall, not even nearly finished with the frame even after two hours.

Getting your phone out of your pocket, you opened your messages with Namjoon.

[ You: Kim Namjoon, I am goin to kill you fr. ]

[ Namjoon: OH? What did I do now? ]

[ You: This puzzle is making me go insane, you better get your ass over here and help me with it just like you promised. ]

[ Namjoon: Won’t let you tell me twice, give me twenty minutes and don’t be mad at me, we’ll finish this together ♥ ]

You had no idea what came over you, inviting Namjoon to spend some time with you alone wasn’t something you planned on doing this soon but the texts were sent before you could think about them twice.

A mixture of nervousness and excitement formed in the pit of your stomach, almost regretting inviting him over.

But not even an hour later all the nervousness vanished and was replaced with something you haven’t felt in a long time – genuine fun with a guy you liked.

“Are you blind?” you asked laughing, “You can’t just press a piece in if it doesn’t fit, that’s not how it works.”

Namjoon was laughing too now, rubbing his temple in pain, “Didn’t you say puzzling was fun and relaxing? This is one of the worst things I did in a long time.”

“I promise, it’s fun usually. You just happened to gift me the hardest puzzle to exist,” you teased him, loving how easy talking to Namjoon was. This was the first time you two were together alone and still there was no sign of it being awkward or uncomfortable.

The two of you were joking around, the TV playing in the background but both of you were too concentrated on the puzzle, and also each other to even pay attention to it.

“I’m hungry,” you almost sounded whiny as you were looking for a specific piece you swear you saw just a minute ago, “Let’s order something from Piero’s pizza.”

A small gasp came out of Namjoon’s mouth, “You actually like our pizza? I always thought you’re just ordering that often because you wanted to see me.”

“You’re confident I see,” as a small laughter escaped your lips as you shook your head, “But I have to dissapoint you. Piero’s pizza is the best pizza in town.”

“You have terrible taste,” Namjoon was clearly not agreeing with you, his eyebrows narrowed, “I knew even someone like you has to have a flaw.”

Laughing at his cheesy remark, you decided to still order from his workplace, no matter what he said - this was your house and in that house you love and support Piero’s pizza place.

It was around one in the morning when your and Namjoon’s heartfelt laughter while eating pizza and talking about just anything that came to your mind was interrupted by the loud and annoying sound of your doorbell. By now you were close to just turning it off so you wouldn’t have to deal with Jay’s attempts anymore.

Expecting the worst, you shook your head in disbelief and mumbled, “This guy really has some nerves, showing up in the middle of the night.”

Namjoon’s eyebrows knitted together, instantly understanding who was on the other side of the door. He felt a weird feeling of being uncomfortable rushing over him.

Not because he actually felt uncomfortable with you, no, he loved every second you spend together – the thought of you maybe giving in to Jay again after all was what caused the turmoil in his stomach.

He knew it wasn’t right to feel like this, some might even say he was jealous but he couldn’t help it. Of course, he himself was aware that the two of you were nowhere near being more than friends, you barely even were friends in the first place. Namjoon was sure that to you, he was nothing more than a friend of a friend and per chance also the delivery guy of your go-to pizza place.

But Namjoon wanted it to be more so bad – he could barely explain why he had this strong urge to make you like him, why he was so interested in you in the first place. It was like an instinct of his body to try to keep you as close as possible, as if something inside of him was screaming at him to make you his.

“Should I open it?” he suggested and you looked at him with curiousity in your eyes, “Maybe if he thinks you have a new guy he’ll stop bugging you.”

You considered his offer for a second but you knew Jay well enough – Jay was too stubborn to give up and also too clever to not see right through it.

Declining his offer you pressed your lips into a thin line, “That’s very nice of you but as long as you’re not opening the door with messy hair and in boxershorts I doubt he’ll buy it. It’s 1 A.M. and a boyfriend wouldn’t wear perfectly styled hair or nice tight jeans.”

Namjoon let out a laugh, agreeing with what you said – if he was more than a friend the two of you certainly wouldn’t be dressed and sitting on the couch while puzzling at this ungodly hour.

As the doorbell rang again, you took a deep breath before yelling towards the door, “Just a second.”

Just as you were about to get up and face the idiot on the other side of the door, Namjoon stopped you.

“Just how much does this guy bug you?” he asked you.

Rubbing your temple, you let out a sigh, “I wish he would just finally stop trying. I don’t know what else I should tell him to make him stop.”

“Got you,” he then said, getting up from the couch. You weren’t sure what to expect but it certainly was nowhere near what Namjoon had in mind.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he almost sounded embarrassed, ears bright red as he pulled his hoodie over his head, a white basic shirt underneath it. Next he started to open his belt, making your eyes grew wide, “Please act like this never happened afterwards okay?”

Namjoon was stripping down his pants in front of you and it was hard to say which one of the two of you had redder cheeks. A part of you wanted to look away, the other one wanted to stare and save every second of it in the back of your mind for lonelier days. His thighs looked stone hard and your mind was filled with unholy things.

You couldn’t help but laugh lightly when his pants dropped down to the floor, in front of you a Namjoon only in boxershorts and a shirt, “I absolutely owe you one.”

He waved you off, shaking his head, “Don’t worry. I just wouldn’t have thought you’d see me only in my boxershorts tonight.”

As he was walking to the door and out of sight, the smile on your face grew wider and wider. The inappropiate thoughts rushing through your mind not helping the adrenaline in your body to calm down very soon.

You almost felt like a giddy teenager again who was about to experience her first kiss. Except for that you were an adult and you were nowhere near getting kissed - you were most likely just reading too much into the situation but you still allowed your mind to do so.

“Namjoon?” you heard a familiar voice, one that definitely was not Jaehyun’s from the door, sounding more than confused.

“Oh god,” you then heard Namjoon mumble under his breath, getting up fastly to see what kind of scenario was going down on your front door.

You were surprised with two pair of eyes, wide wide open, looking at you and Namjoon. The little smirk on Yoongi’s lips gave away that he was enjoying the awkward moment a bit too much and Hoseok’s laughter a few moments later made you let out a breathe you didn’t know you were holding.

“This is absolutely not what it looks like,” you promised, now standing next to Namjoon, “What are you even doing here?”

“We wanted to accompany your depressed ass,” Yoongi said with the widest gummy smile of him you’ve seen in a long time, “But I see you’re doing just fine without us.”

Namjoon closed his eyes in frustration, knowing exactly that the two of them will never let you live this moment down, “Why don’t you come in?”

Hoseok’s voice was higher than usual, a teasing tone in it, “You sure we’re not disturbing anything? We can leave you two lovebirds alone.”

Now also frustrated, you threw your head back, shaking your head, “Stop being a pain in the ass and come inside.”

So, there you were a few moments later, Yoongi and Hoseok sitting on your couch opposite of you and a still half naked Namjoon. It almost felt like your parents caught you with a boy in the house and now made you have the most awkward talk you probably could have.

Breaking the silence, Yoongi raised his eyebrow at you, “Glad you’re getting laid again.”

In an instant you threw him a warning glance, shushing him, “I’m going to kill you if you don’t shut the fuck up.”

“Why are you so tense about it?” Hoseok asked curious yet the smile never left his lips, “We were rooting for you anyways.”

“We weren’t having sex or anything like that,” Namjoon started to explain to his friends what happened. He told them that the two of you texted each other every now and then, about the food he brought you earlier, you asking him to come over, the two of you just puzzling and drinking wine up to the point where you thought Jaehyun was on the other side of the door.

“That’s all that happened,” you hold your hands up as if you were pleading not guilty, “No sex, no making out, not even holding hands.”

Your friends looked at each other, still with suspicious smiles and mischief in their eyes.

“What is there to smirk about now?” you almost whined, not wanting to discuss this awkward situation any longer.

As much as you loved your friends, you just wanted them to leave again. Namjoon and you were just getting to know each other and god knows how much teasing from these two he could take.

The evening was so much fun and you were sure that Namjoon and you could go into the direction you wanted to, if only your friends didn’t decide to cockblock you.

“Nothing, nothing,” Hoseok assured you, shrugging lightly, “But just so I got this right: The two of you were hanging out alone, in your apartment, late in the evening, drinking wine together, right?”

“That’s a date,” Yoongi finished what Hoseok was trying to say, “Maybe not an intentional one but surely you wouldn’t just do that with any other guy.”

Protesting, you pointed your finger at the couple in front of you, “You’re wrong. I would certainly love to spend a wine night with you alone. Or Hoseok.”

Hoseok let out a laugh, shaking his head, “But we’re both in a relationship. A homosexual one, that is.”

“Just saying,” Yoongi shrugged, already knowing that he was right, “You wouldn’t spend your evening like this with Jeongguk or Jimin. But with our Namjoon here things are different, right?”

You wanted to disagree, wanted to put him in his place and make him lose this argument. You wanted to discuss this with him until you swiped off that shit-eating grin of his face so bad. But you couldn’t.

Not a single good response came to your mind to disprove him and instead, you could feel the heat rising to your cheeks.

Hoseok let out an excited shriek of joy, nodding heavily, “You’re speechless! Speechless because Yoongi is right.”

“Guys, why don’t we just –” Namjoon started, trying to de-escalate the situation like the peacemaker he was but he had no choice, Hoseok interrupting him only a second after he opened his mouth.

“Don’t you even think we’ll be only picking on (Y/N),” he started, making himself more comfortable on the couch as a sign of him not planning to leave before he enjoyed every single moment of this situation, “Let’s talk about you then, Namjoon.”

“I’d rather not,” he mumbled under his breath before sighing. He knew just as good as you that once Hoseok started to tease, he won’t stop until he wanted to.

“We’ve known each other for so many years,” Hoseok was clearly enjoying this way too much, the amusement and sarcasm in his voice thick, “Yet not once have I seen you do something you’re not allowed to, just like taking a detour to deliver food to a girl’s house for example.”

“You’re cruel,” Namjoon stated in response, knowing there was nothing he could say.

Both of you were just enduring right then, hoping it won’t become awkward between you two after the others are gone again.

“I’m just saying it’s cute that the two of you are getting closer,” Hoseok pouted, acting like the angel he sometimes can be, “You look good together. You obviously are attracted to each other and you’re getting closer, we all know which direction this is going and I think that’s great. Our (Y/N) only had bad luck with guys but you’re a good guy, I know you’d treat her right because I’ve known you for years but have never seen you look at someone the way you look at her.”

Yoongi chuckled as his glance met yours, the expression on your face clearly begging him to set an end to this because if anyone can stop Hoseok it would be him.

“I think we caused enough trouble,” Yoongi told his boyfriend, taking his hand in his own before gesturing towards the floor with his head, “Let’s let them have their date in peace, what do you think?”

Hoseok’s bright and shining smile turned into a soft one as soon as he felt Yoongi’s hand on his, the excited idiot becoming the loving boyfriend he is around Yoongi immediately.

No matter how much you wanted to kill Hoseok, it always made your heart melt to see the two of them like this. Their behavior towards each other was so full of love, the vitamin and the grumpy old man in front of you were still as smitten for each other as they have been since the start. If you ever would feel like this towards someone, you surely won in life.

As he got up and walked towards the door he couldn’t help but tease his friend one last time, knowing very well himself just how much he annoyed the two of you, “Stay in boxershorts, I know our (Y/N), it’ll make her go crazy – she loves thighs.”

Namjoon let out a laugh in the same moment you threw a pillow towards him, Hoseok’s fast reflexes making him duck in an instant so the pillow didn’t hit him but the plant behind him.

“Out!” you yelled at your friend but a small chuckle still escaped from you – it was almost maniac, “You terrible human being.”

As soon as you heard the door close behind them shortly after, you felt your tense body finally relax again, letting yourself fall down on the couch behind you, your eyes fixated on the ceiling, “I’m so sorry you had to go through this.”

Namjoon didn’t seem to mind all that much. He mirrored your actions, allowing his back to rest against your couch, in the space right next to you.

You could feel him shrug beside you without having to look at him, his broad shoulders only slightly brushing yours as he did so, “They weren’t completely wrong.”

No, they really weren’t. Actually, they were spot on – at least with the things they said about you. You would even go as far as saying they might have opened your eyes a little bit more.

While you were aware before that you thought of Namjoon as someone rather attractive, someone you definitely could fall for at one time in your life you didn’t realize how fast you let him in already, despite only knowing him for a short time.

Every single word Yoongi said was true and you hated how well he knew you.

The anxiety you felt during the conversation with your friends was completely gone when you realized how relaxed Namjoon was beside you. You feared he would start to feel uncomfortable, maybe even want to leave because of it but there you were, both of you drained from Hoseok’s teasing but at least without a weird tension between the two of you.

Namjoon letting out a scoff made you divert your attention from the ceiling to the man beside you - it was near shocking to see how close he was lying next to you, his face only centimeters away from your own, “What’s so funny?”

His glance shifted towards you, a smile that one could describe as almost silly-looking on his face, “Seems like we’re having a date, huh?”

“Seems like we are,” immediately you started smiliing widely, nodding your head, “Without us even knowing.”

Namjoon started to move around to lay on his side, his head propped on one elbow so he could look at you better, his whole attention on you, “If I’d ask you out on a real date, would you say yes?”

“Well, that depends on what a date with Kim Namjoon involves,” you arched an eyebrow, the playful tone in your voice making you sound way more relaxed than you were actually feeling inside.No, you were not feeling calm or cool, you felt your stomach tingling and your heart beating. The side effects of being next to Namjoon.

“Definitely not Pizza from Piero’s,” he laughed, making you do the same.

The annual campfire party of your friendgroup was the highlight of every year. It all started around four years ago when Hoseok first invited your group of friends to camp in his parents yard - back then you all were wondering why you should camp in a simple backyard but as soon as you first arrived you knew exactly why.

Not only did Hoseok’s parents have a massive yard, it also looked like the biggest cottagecore inspired movie scene you’ve ever seen with big, tall trees everywhere, wildflowers decorating the whole place and the coziest fireplace right next to an old shed, used to store tools and, once a year used for someone to make out in it while the rest of you were living your best camplife.

Ever since then you loved Hoseok’s campfire parties and this year you were even more excited because you had high hopes of ending up in Namjoon’s tent tonight.

“Turn left right there,” you navigated Namjoon who was kind enough to pick you up, “We’re almost there.”

“I know where Hoseok’s parents live, you don’t have to tell me,” Namjoon chuckled, clearly amused by your excitement, “How many people are coming?”

“Not that many,” you informed him, “Just the usual guys from our squad, their girlfriends and dates. No outsiders.”

“Leaves me wondering if I am part of the squad now or just your date,” he joked around.

Shrugging, you threw him a cheeky smile, “Depends on which one you prefer.”

He threw his head back while laughing, his dimple popping and you swore that you could never get enough of this view. By now you were whipped for Kim Namjoon and the two of you haven’t even kissed yet - it was almost scary to think how weak he could make you once you pass the flirting stage.

“I hope to be a bit of both,” he shyly admitted, making you smile instantly, “But you know, it takes two to be on a date. What do you think?”

“A date it is then,” you proudly said as he was parking the car.

As soon as you stepped out of the car you heard Jeongguk’s loud laugh alongside the music that was blasting from the backyard. Namjoon insisted on carrying not only his tent but also yours, being the stubborn gentleman he was.

“Oh, look who’s coming,” Hoseok annouced with his cup raised as he spotted the two of you, “Our two lovebirds.”

“Ay ay, such a pretty couple,” Jeongguk yelled and you wondered how he already managed to sound tipsy despite the evening just starting.

“You all have to shut your big mouthes,” you laughed as you approached your friends, all of them already sitting around the big fire in the middle on their camping stools, “Always making a big deal out of nothing.”

But once again they weren’t too wrong, were they? You noticed the way he sat down right next to you, a bit closer than he needed to be, the way he moved as soon as you moved, tense around each other, not because it was awkward but because both of you wanted to be ready for the other one.

It was already starting to get dark outside when finally everyone invited was there, everyone busy with something. A few people were setting up the tents, you and Seokjin's girlfriend were busy preparing some food while Namjoon and Yoongi tried to set up the big fire in the middle of the garden, tons of camping chairs gathered around it.

"So, how are things going between the two of you?" She asked you, not able to contain her big grin, "Are you still in denial about the fact that you're into each other?"

Throwing your head back, frustration was written all over your face, "I don't even know anymore. We're always flirting and like each other obviously but I think he doesn't want to pressure me because of the whole Jay dilemma."

"Well, I see how that can be frustrating but on the other hand that is very considerate of him, isn't it?" She had a point, you knew she does. He just wanted to be sure you're ready and you're comfortable but how in the world could you signal him that you were indeed more than ready?

As you stepped outside again, Namjoon was greeting you with a wide smile, gesturing you to sit down next to him. Jeongguk and Taehyung already had taped cans of beer to their hand and the music was playing loudly in the background as a few people of the group were talking about old memories from college.

Like every time, the atmosphere was cozy - the fire was keeping you warm and the stars were twinkling bright as you looked up. You loved those moments, they always made you feel peaceful. Seeing all of your dear ones together, having fun without a worry in the world warmed up your heart, you knew in the moment that you were making memories. Not to mention the special feeling of having someone next to you who you liked so much, he made your heart beat faster.

"Are you okay?" Namjoon whispered for only you to hear and you saw how for a second his hand was hovering just above your knee but he stopped himself - you wish he didn't, "You're unusually quiet."

Not thinking about it you put your hand on top of his, making his own hand rest on your thigh. It felt surprisingly easy and right to have it there, as if it belonged there.

Looking over to him, you leaned closer to reassure him, "I'm just enjoying the moment. It's nice to be here, with you."

He didn't have to say anything for you to know that he was feeling the same - the soft and calm smile was reassuring enough.

The party was in full swing when you decided to leave it for a bit, walking over to the part in the back of Hoseok’s garden, where everything was quiet, the only sounds coming from your friends that were playing games behind the tents but they were too far away for you to understand what they were talking about.

You didn’t have to turn around to know that the audible footsteps approaching you belonged to Namjoon; who else would come looking for you while there was a party going on only a few meters away?

He sat down beside you, his green oversized hoodie in combination with the grey beanie he was wearing were making him look so soft you wanted to bury your face in the soft fabric of the hoodie.

The dimpled smile he gave you even more managed to make your heart skip a beat and you were sure your knees would become weak if you weren’t sitting already.

“Is the party boring to you or why did you decide to flee?” he asked you, his legs crossed beside you as both of you were sitting a little bit too close to each other on Hoseok’s lawn, away from the middle of the party. For the first time in the evening it was just you and Namjoon, the rest of your friend hidden behind the many tents that were your home for the night. You wanted to be alone with him more than anything.

“No, that’s not it,” you reassured him as your eyes met and you almost felt shy, “I hoped for a certain someone to follow me so we could have some time to talk alone, away from all those drunk idiots.”

“Oh, should I tell Yoongi to come over then?” He joked, obviously knowing that you had no desire at all to talk to Yoongi right now – by now Namjoon knew that you enjoyed his company just as much as he enjoyed yours and even though you still were very careful about stepping out of the friendzone, you felt like you were slowly walking towards the dating-zone.

You playfully hit his chest as you laughed, “Don’t you dare to leave. I won’t let you.”

“What are you gonna do?” he scoffed, teasing you in the most playful way possible, “Run after me? Tackle me? You think you have a chance against me?”

“Probably not,” you agreed with him, “But I could always make you stay with a woman’s weapon.”

“Well, good for me that I didn’t plan on leaving again anyways,” he chuckled, the situation a tiny bit awkward because there you were – just you and Namjoon, all alone, alcohol in your veins and an obvious attraction towards each other.

By now it was safe to say that you liked Namjoon a little bit more than you would’ve expected but how couldn’t you fall for the pretty boy with a soft and kind heart?

You realized a while ago that Namjoon was the full package – he was funny and kind and cared about you, he checked in with you whenever you felt like shit and he even dealt with Hoseok’s constant bickering and teasing about the two of you. He helped you when Jay was bothering you, he listened to the small things you told him and remembered them, all in all he seemed to be the closest to a perfect human being you’ve ever met.

It was almost too good to be true but there he was, right beside you, eyes on you and you only.

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” you asked him a bit shy, knowing that you had to ask him sooner or later, “I’m actually afraid of the dark.”

“Are you sure that’s the reason why?” Namjoon chuckled, “Not because you want to share the night with me?”

You rolled your eyes, acting offended, “Don’t think too highly of yourself. If you’re acting like this I’m gonna go and sleep in Jeongguk’s tent again, let me just ask him real quick.”

As you tried to get up Namjoon wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you right back in with full power, making you fall into his arms. “Smooth,” you smiled up at him before daring to lay your head down in his lap.

“If you think I’m gonna let you sleep in Jeongguk’s tent you’re insane,” he chuckled as he was looking down to where you were laying, his hand carefully stroking your hair out of your face, “You’re not going anywhere.”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” you softly answer, a grin on your face. Of course, Namjoon was right  –  you wanted nothing more than to spend the night with him, god knows you wanted that since forever but you also weren’t lying when you said you were afraid of the dark.

“(Y/N)?”, Namjoon’s voice went quiet and he looked a bit worried, wrinkels appearing on his forehead, “Since we agreed that this is bascially a date I need to ask you a question.”

You just nodded, wondering what was heavy on his mind.

“This Jay guy,” he started and you felt your whole body tense up at the mention of his name, “Do you still have feelings for him?”

A sigh escaped your lips, meaning every word you were about to say, “Not at all. I don’t have feelings for any guy except maybe the cute delivery guy with the dimpled smile that always gives me an extra dip.”

Namjoon’s worried expression was washed away in a second, a laughter escaping his lips, “I sure hope you are not talking about Antonio.”

Both of you were laughing now as you were getting up from Namjoon’s lap again to sit beside him, your face facing his.

“I truly do like you (Y/N). I think I knew from the first time you opened the door, drunk and with mascara running down your face.”

You chuckled, nodding, “It’s not fair, you���ve seen me at my worst and I’ve only ever seen you at your best. Do you not have any bad days, Kim Namjoon?”

“Well, I was in a pretty bad mood when I thought you might go back to that jerk but besides that, I think I’m always close to perfect,” he teased you, his fingers busy with putting a stand of your hair behind your ear.

And there it was, the moment before. Both of you were thinking the same, your faces too close to each other and his hand on your cheek to obvious to deny it, and even if that wasn’t obvious enough, Namjoon’s glance down to your lips said it all.

It was the perfect moment, the weather was fine, Namjoon looked and smelled as good as ever, you were both a little tipsy with a full party going on in the back that you ditched – but all of those things didn’t even matter anymore as soon as you felt Namjoon’s lips on yours, the warm feeling of it rushing through your whole body.

His hand was holding the side of your neck, his fingers tangled in your hair as the soft kiss between the two of you felt addicting and you wouldn’t mind if this never ended.

It didn’t take long until your kiss turned into a full make out session, you on top of his lap as he held you close,

“Namjoon,” you softly interrupted him between the kisses but he didn’t care, he just wanted to kiss you for the next hour or two.

“Namjoon,” you once again interrupted him even though you didn’t want to, making him stop the kiss and rest his forehead against yours.

“Mhh?” he asked you with his eyes closed, enjoying the moment, “What’s wrong?”

“Hoseok and Yoongi are watching us.”

Only a second later you heard the two of them screaming and hollering, making Namjoon groan in frustration.

“Get the fuck away,” he yelled over to the tents where the two of them were standing, big grins on their faces, “You’re being the biggest cockblocks.”

“Excuse me?” Yoongi screamed, clearly amused, “If I remember it right we were the ones who set you up.”

“Good for you though!” Hoseok reassured you, “Use protection. You have thirty minutes before we start roasting marshmallows but I know Namjoon won’t need that long!”

Before Namjoon could say anything else the couple turned their back towards you, walking back to the party.

You snickered, “I don’t think they’ll ever let us live.”

Namjoon agreed as he realized you were still sitting on top of his lap, his hand found your thigh, drawing small circles in the inside of it.

“You’re so pretty,” he started kissing your cheek, “You’re pretty when you’re wearing a dress, make-up and with your hair all done,” another kiss on your jawline, “Pretty when you’re drunk and crying alone at home but still give me a smile when you open the door,” the next kiss right under your ear,  “Even pretty with a puzzle piece in your hair,”  a kiss right on your neck, making you shiver in anticipation, “And especially pretty when you’re sitting on top of me,” this time the kiss was planted on your collarbone.

“Just wait until you see me naked then,” you joked and held his head in your hands, kissing his lips softly.

Namjoon chuckled, his head in the crook of your neck, “I don’t think I’ll be able to survive that view.”

“I know CPR, don’t worry,” you joked and he gave you another kiss, happiness written all over your face, “Should we go back?”

“Wait a second,” he took your hand in his, “I just – I need to tell you that I do want to take you out on that date we talked about when we puzzled on your place that one night. And I want to take you on so many more. I’ll go to this musical with you and Yoongi and Hoseok even though I have no idea what it’s about and I want to kiss you so many more times.”

“I think all of that sounds just perfect, Joonie.”

Pressing a kiss to your hand, he took a deep breath before his eyes met yours, “Let me call you my girlfriend from now on, okay?”

The smile on your face grew wider than ever before, nodding instantly, “That sounds nice. Yoongi and Hoseok will be euphoric.”

Namjoon laughed, pulling you close to give you another kiss – it felt even better when you thought of him as your boyfriend.

“Somewhere between all the wine bottles and pizza boxes you stole my heart,” Namjoon’s voice was soft, “Let’s go tell them, I want everyone to know.”

[kim-ruzek]

Contentedness

Summary: Antonio Dawson is back in town for a charity event, and gets to meet baby burzek.

Established Burzek, AU as it goes off the premise Kim never miscarried.

Word Count: 3.2k words

Read on AO3

Notes: This is just a lil fun fic, mostly formed from a conversation with Cíara (as, tbh, most of my fics now are!) @justanoffalygirl

I hope y'all enjoy!

Kim doesn’t know how life gets better than this.

It’s a warm spring day, the beginnings of summer starting to break through. She’s in the park, on one of the spacious fields, surrounded many of the people she loves so dearly, soaking in the sound of laughter and playful banter that fills the air.

Days like this, to be around so many people on her day off, are few and far in-between. She’s only recently begun to be more adventurous with where she goes, and how long she stays out, and when already it’s so hard to get everyone together with their own shifts and lives, it’s hard to organise. So when opportunities like this come about, Kim leaps at the chance, especially when it’s doing something for charity.

And if that hadn’t already made her commit to attending, learning that this was an event organized by a charity the Dawson siblings were involved in would’ve. Antonio and Gabby might’ve left Chicago, and maybe not on the best of terms, but the first responders of Chicago are a family, and so the Dawsons’ will always be their family as well.

Kim admits, at first she was a little reluctant to see Antonio. They were partners, they had been through so much together, and he had just...left. Without a word to her. She’ll always be happy for him, that he got himself clean, that he patched back up his life, but she can’t ignore how betrayed she felt at him just leaving. Especially with what happened in her life after.

But she finds it so hard to keep onto those feelings, not when, despite the lack of sleep, despite the way it’s made her have to relearn her own ethics and morals, despite turning her world on it’s head, Kim’s never been more happy, more content with how her life is.

The reason for her happiness squirms in her arms, and Kim looks down at her daughter. Alice Ruzek is only ten months, but Kim can’t remember what her life was like without her in it. Alice, or Ally as Adam affectionately nicknamed her from day one, has changed her life in so many ways.

No longer does she stay up late for fun, the way Kim used to think she was behind on shows with just her job now seems like a dream, her head is full of Children’s lullabies and Alice’s cries, and she can’t count how many times her and Adam has had such stupid yet infuriating squabbles about things just because of lack of sleep or stress from being away from her for too long.

But all of that pales in comparison to how the sound of her laughter, her babbles, is the most beautiful sound Kim has ever heard, to how Kim could stare into her eyes all day, to how seeing Adam holding their daughter, rocking her, singing to her is the most loveliest sight she has ever seen.

To how Alice has managed to do the one thing they’ve struggled to do for years, to make them learn how to be partners, to communicate, to not let the little things matter, and have allowed them to realise just how much they need each other, to be each other’s person. To how Alice has truly completed their lives, how she’s brought them peace and love neither knew was possible.

“Kim!” The sound of Antonio’s voice drags her away from cooing at her baby girl, and she turns around, ready to greet him. They had briefly seen each other when he was at the precinct the other day, but intelligence had a case and he was busy, so they hadn’t been able to say more than a hello to each other. Kim’s been here at the picnic for half an hour, enough for Alice to be cooed over by her various aunts and uncles, having only been left alone, now. Kevin had stolen away Adam—the only person who could distract Adam from his daughter—to help him, and Kim had been just enjoying the moment before she was going to go over to friends.

Antonio looks good, healthy, relaxed. She had thought so when she saw him the other day, but she can truly appreciate just how much good Puerto Rico and charity work has done for him now, when he’s dressed casually, and out in the sun.

Kim grins at him, happy she did decide to put aside all her hurt feelings on how he left. He’s grinning at her too, but as he reaches her and she turns fully around, his grin falls off, shock overtaking his face. She’s only confused at the change of his demeanour for a second, as before she can wonder too long, he’s speaking again.

“You’ve had a baby! Congratulations!” He exclaims, happiness for her replacing the confusion. Kim doesn’t wonder for a moment how he was so easily able to deduce that Alice is her’s, and not someone else’s that she’s just holding, having had way too many people tell her just how much her daughter looks like her. It’s something Kim does agree with, but at the same time, all she can focus on is all the ways she looks like Adam, loving how she’s a beautiful mix of the two of them.

Kim smiles down at Alice, her perfect daughter, before looking back at Antonio. “That I have,”

“Seriously, Kim. This is amazing news; I’m so happy for you. Parenthood is one of the best, fulfilling things you can ever do. And she’s so beautiful,” Antonio says, his words warming her heart. It’s nothing she hasn’t heard before, but she never tires at it, and hearing Antonio, her partner, one of the first people in intelligence to believe in her as a cop, say how happy he is for her is particularly heart-warming.

“So I’ve heard,” Kim replies. She had. Everyone and their mother had told her just how fulfilling parenthood is. A lot of the time it had come unsolicited, often with advice she didn’t ask for, nor want, but the times it came from someone she cares about—like Natalie, Voight, Herrmann—she really appreciated it.

Kim introduces Alice to him after that, Antonio immediately questioning, correctly, if her name is a little nod to Alvin, and he coos over her a little, holding her as they catch up.

The day progresses at that, Gabby coming over and meeting Alice as well, and them all mixing back into the crowd of their friends. Kim had participated in some of the charity events, Alice being with Adam when she was doing that, and with her honorary grandmother Trudy when they were doing stuff together.

Adam had joked at one point they should receive some of the raised money, with how their big responder family had all demanded time with their baby. Kim loves it, so does Adam, that their daughter was being raised around so much love and around so much wonderful people, getting the childhood neither of them had gotten.

It was a few hours later now, and Kim sits on one of the picnic blankets, next to Sylvie, the two of them soaking up the sun. Sylvie watched her man, Matt, chuck a ball with Kevin, and Kim watched where Adam sat with Alice. The sun’s high in the sky, and while it was getting past midday now, it’s still quite hot and bright, so he sits in the shade with her.

There’s an aching in her, that wants to get up and join them, join her family, but she resists, knowing she wants to make the most of getting the chance to be in the sun, knowing Adam will just shoo her away, making sure she enjoys something she wouldn’t have hesitated to before she was a Mom.

Instead, she settles for watching him, and continuing to fall so deeply in love with him at the way he so softly and lovingly interacts with Alice.

“Needing a break from her?” Antonio asks, sitting down beside her. Kim glances quickly at Sylvie, knowing her friend had told her that everything is okay and not awkward—well, not that awkward—with the Dawsons’ but doing it on instinct anyway, the nonplussed expression on her friend’s face reassuring her.

“No, it’s just hot. She needs shade and Mommy, mommy needs sun,” Kim replies to her. Everyone at work teases her about how easily both her and Adam slip into referring to themselves as what they are to Alice when talking about the girl.

“It’s okay. She’s with Adam,” Kim continues. There’s a pause, a silence.

“They’re very close, aren’t they?” Antonio says. His words seem careful, calculated, but Kim doesn’t focus on that, instead grinning at him, her heart fluttering once more at just how much fatherhood suits Adam.

“Yeah, they are.” Kim can’t keep the happiness out of her voice, not that she’d want to. She’s looking back at Alice and Adam, watching as Adam plays with her. She’s too far away to hear them, but she’s watched scenes like this so many times before that she knows exactly what he’s cooing at her, and knows exactly what her laugh sounds like.

“What does, uh, the father feel about that?” Antonio asks. Kim looks at him, frowning a little, confused.

“Happy, I’d think.” She replies, shrugging off the weirdness of the question, and turning her attention back to her family. Natalie has walked over to them now, and Kim watches as her friend coos over Alice, and how Adam’s face lights up with pride, at his daughter being so popular.

“I thought mommy brain was meant to be gone by now,” Sylvie says after Antonio leaves. Kim looks at the paramedic, confused. Sylvie’s looking at her amused.

“You do realise that question he asked—it means he doesn’t know Adam’s her father?” Sylvie tells her. Kim’s mouth opens, about to argue against that, because of course he knows that, but then the pieces fall into place and she realises she never actually told him, never told him that they’re back together, forgetting it’s information he wouldn’t automatically know.

“Oh.” Kim says. “Oh.” Sylvie laughs at her.

“It’s amusing, if you think about it. Every time you announced your pregnancy to someone, everyone guessed she was Adam’s before you told them, but Antonio didn’t. And he’s been seeing Adam with her!” Sylvie points out, making Kim laugh with her.

“Finally!” Kim laughs, remembering how just how many people asked if her baby was Adam’s, or didn’t look at all surprised when she told them, when she was pregnant.

“Is it bad that I kind of don’t want to correct him?” Kim asks after. “Just to see how long it takes,”

Sylvie giggles. “I might be bias because he’s my ex, but no, not bad at all. In fact, you rest, I’m gonna go tell everyone he might talk to about it and tell them not to correct him either,”

Kim laughs, loud, as her friend jumps up, excitedly, running off to tell everyone. Sylvie is such a ball of fun, never giving Kim a dull moment when she’s around, and Kim’s once again reminded that they made the right choice to make her and Kevin Alice’s godparents.

Her laughter has attracted the attention of Adam as, after securing Alice’s hat back on her head, he gets up and heads towards her.

“Having fun without us?” Adam asks, sitting down next to her. He looks down at Alice. “Hm, what d’you think, Ally? That we should be upset she’s having fun without us?”

Alice, in response, loudly babbles back, making large smiles spread across both Kim’s and Adam’s faces.

“Hey, Ally,” Kim coos at her. “Having your own fun with Daddy?” she holds Alice’s hands with her own, her heart clenching at the way her fingers wraps around hers in response. Kim looks from her daughter, catching Adam’s eyes, seeing how he’s watching them with such love, such adoration and fondness and Kim knows, then, life really doesn’t get better than this.

The day was coming to an end. All the events had finished, the money raised calculated and announced and most people had left. All who remained was the Dawsons’ first responder family and their charity workers, all of them helping to tidy up.

Kim stood among her friends, all of them chatting between them, winding down and getting ready to leave. Adam stands next to her, Alice in his arms as she makes sure everything is in her pushchair. Alice rests against her father, sleepily, and Kim knows it won’t be long until she’s napping once more.

“It was really good seeing you, and of course getting to meet your beautiful daughter,” Antonio is saying to her, standing on her other side. Kim smiles at him. During the events of the day, when they were catching up, Antonio had apologised for how he left, that he didn’t even tell her. Kim had waved him off, but she appreciated his admittance to that it wasn’t very good of him, depending they were partners.

“It’s been good seeing you too. I’m glad you sorted your life out,” Kim replies, knowing she’s being truthful, and knowing that finally she’s gotten closure on that part of her life, that no longer will she have any left over upset feelings over how he left.

“I’ll definitely keep more in touch; I’ll want updates on this one,” he says, indicating at Alice and Kim’s smile widens, happy that he doesn’t want to go totally no contact with her, with the 21st, again. The way being in this profession, the bond you have with your unit, your partner, isn’t something she can ever truly describe to anyone outside this life; the bond is indescribable, you spend so much time with these people, you trust them to have your back—so when someone just leaves, when you have no idea how they are, it leaves a hole in your life.

Antonio’s eyes drift beyond her, smiling. “Hey, Trudy,”

Kim turns to look at Platt, who’s approached, Mouch by her side. Kim doesn’t know if she’ll ever get used to seeing Platt like this, the person she is outside of work, when she lets a little more of her softer side oout

If you had told her all those years ago, when she first met the desk Sergeant, that she’d consider Platt family, one of the main people she feels comfortable confiding in, that Platt will be one of her main support during her pregnancy, that she’ll be her daughter’s honorary grandmother, Kim would’ve called you certifiably insane. But that’s how her life has turned out, and Kim wouldn’t change it for the world.

“I told you, it’s still Platt to you. You may not be a detective in my district, but I’m still your sergeant,” Trudy gives him a look, but her usual scariness is undercut by the clear affection in her expression. She then turns to look at Adam, or more importantly, the sleepy Alice.

“Now, how’s little miss Ruzek?” Trudy says. Kim thinks that if Platt was anyone else, she’d be cooing the words, but this is Platt, so it’s said still in a manner-of-fact kind of way, affection only an undercurrent.

“I know Adam can be scared at the stupidest of things, but calling him a girl is even too harsh for you, Trudy—uh, Platt,” Antonio laughs, and Kim grins, thinking he’s making a joke, until she realises he still doesn’t know Alice is a Ruzek.

Trudy fixes him a steely look, a true Platt stare through and through. “I was referring to my granddaughter, not her father.”

Platt’s voice is equally steely, as she accepts Alice from Adam’s arms as he passes her over. Antonio looks at the interaction, his expression comical as he processes the information. As he processes that Platt isn’t making a joke, as he processes Platt calling Alice her granddaughter, as he processes exactly why Adam’s been playing and holding Alice all day long.

“She’s Ruzek’s? Adam’s a dad?” Antonio says, shock in his voice, turning to look at Kim. “You’re finally back with Adam again?” He then looks back at Trudy. “Did you just call her you grandmother?”

“Someone’s got to be, and if we trust the ones who raised these two idiots, Alice will be lucky if she doesn’t need therapy and communication lessons before she’s ten,” Trudy speaks first.

“Hey! We communicate well!” Adam protests, before adding, “Now,”

“Listen, Ruzek. I was critising your parents, not you two. For all your past idiocy, you’re good parents.” Trudy looks down at Alice, who’s now sleepily lying against her. “You’ve got to stop crying so loud, Miss Ruzek, you’re deafening your father and god knows he’s already a big enough idiot as it is,”

“When did this happen? When did you get back together?” Antonio asks, once more bringing attention back to him, and his state of confusion.

“About ten months ago, give or take,” Kim grins. They don’t have an official getting back together date, as when Kim was pregnant they were still focused on primarily being co-parents, deciding they need to learn how to communicate well before even thinking of getting together, not wanting to subject their child to having parents like theirs, but they still behaved so incredibly like they were married already.

Their initial plan was to wait until Alice was a year before assessing if they should be more that co-parents, but after the stress that was Alice’s birth, and seeing Adam hold their daughter, Kim knew she’ll never want anyone else, never want to be more with anyone else but him.

“If was up to me, it would’ve been sixteen months ago,” Adam comments, his tone joking, even though Kim knows he’s being perfectly serious. Antonio frowns, connecting the dates and the age of Alice, his eyebrows raising.

“You mean...oh,” Antonio says, realising. Adam smirks, and even Kim finds the reaction amusing. At the start, when they first was telling people, Kim described announcing was more like telling people that she hooked up, unprotected, with Adam rather than telling people she was having a baby—Voight may have hugged her, but she’ll never get over the mortifying knowledge that she essentially had to tell him that she and Adam are each other’s booty call—but now, with Alice being ten months and her and Adam actually being together, Kim sees more amusement in this stuff than anything.

Antonio looks between the two of them, before shrugging. “Well, then. I guess congratulations, man. I’m happy for you,” Antonio shakes Adam’s hand, them going in for a bro hug. They pull back, and Antonio looks at Adam, proudness on his face.

“No wonder you’re so relaxed, fatherhood suits you.” He compliments and Adam beams. Kim knows that Adam still harbours some issues towards Antonio, but Antonio is still family, and family is important to Adam.

“Yeah. It may have been messy and complicated, but I love being a father,” Adam snakes his arm around Kim at that, pulling her to him and giving her a soft kiss on top of her head. Kim rests her hand onto his, squeezing it, and smiling up at him. And in that moment, in his arms, their daughter and family with them, and a contentedness in her heart, Kim couldn’t disagree with him even if she wanted to.

It may have been a messy and complicated journey, but now she’s here, now this is her life, Kim knows all of that was worth it; and that life really doesn’t get better than this.

[ikleesfiction]

Will you follow through if I fall for you?

Fandom : One Chicago Word count : 2,276 words Author Notes : Rated M Disclaimer

Previously on this fic : Part 1 🞂 Part 2 🞂 Part 3 🞂 Part 4

Part 5

Jay didn’t text or call you further until the next day. You feel your phone vibrating on the desk as you are working with your headphones on. You see Jay’s name on the display before you pick it up, “Hello?”

“Hey, Y/N! I’m downstairs. Let's do the dinner date now. You haven’t had dinner yet, have you?” Jay spontaneously announces.

It was just past 7 PM. You have been working since 1 PM and didn’t notice the time goes. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Couldn’t you give me more time to prepare?”, you sound annoyed but he can hear the smile in your tone.

“Don't want you to accuse me of bailing again. So I have to be sure I can make it”, Jay says grinningly.

“Why don’t you come up and wait in my living room?”, you let Jay know your apartment number and buzz him up before you disconnect the call. Soon you hear knocks on your door.

“Hi, come on in”, you usher Jay into your place. “Sit wherever you like, make yourself at home. If you’d like to drink, feel free to take it from the fridge. I’m gonna go get ready”, you tell him.

As you turn your back to leave, Jay grabs your wrist gently and turns you around. His hand then cups your face tenderly and he leans to kiss your lips. You freeze up for a tick before melt into it. Your hand moves to his chest, palm over his denim jacket.

Jay pulls away after a while, “Hi. I miss you”, he murmurs. You just blink owlishly and stay speechless.

“Now you can go get ready”, he commands you with a smile. You voluntarily follow his order. Jay shakes his head, amused. He was being honest when he said he misses you. For the whole day, he was hoping the unit wouldn’t get any urgent cases. Once it’s time to clock out, Jay quickly moved out of the district. The kiss though been something that he wanted to do since he met you at Will’s place. When Jay saw you opened the door before, he thought you’re cute with faded pink shorts that were drowned by an oversized white t-shirt. He just felt like it was the right time to properly kiss you.

As he waits for you to get ready, Jay looks around at your place. It’s an open-plan apartment. He can see almost every corner of it from the living room. A flat tv was hanging on the wall, in front of a cozy couch and a simple coffee table. On one corner, there is a small desk table with a mismatched but comfy looking chair. A laptop, headphones, and a microphone are sitting on the table. Next to it, there are an electric keyboard and a guitar. Cables plug and scatter around messily. He figures that’s where you do your work.

Jay walks to the kitchen to take a bottle of water from the fridge. You don’t have a dining table. Only a kitchen island with chairs on its outer side. On the fridge door, he can see a training schedule and some recipe cards. There are no pictures or drawings. Actually, he cannot find any family photos or even band posters around the place. The place looks kind of bare without any personal decoration. Jay wonders how long you’ve been living in this place.

Fifteen minutes later, you come out of your room in a cream-colored blouse and skinny blue jeans. Because Chicago weather always feels chilly to you, you put on a black light-jacket that fell slightly above your wrists. “Okay, I’m ready”, you fluff your hair a bit. You don’t have time to style it the way you like. So brush and fingers should do.

“You clean up nice”, Jay compliments you. He offers his hand for you to take.

“Well, thanks for the heads-up”, you respond jokingly as both of you step out of your place after you lock it down.

You and Jay casually chat while he drives. “How was your day?”, you genuinely want to know.

“It’s good. Any day without getting shot at is actually good. The gang told me to say hi to you, by the way”, he informs you.

“Really? How many people are there in your team? I was lowballing for breakfast the other day. I hope it’s enough”, you tilt your head curiously.

“No, you were great. No one was left hungry. Let’s see, there is my partner, Hailey Upton. We got Ruzek, Olinsky, and Dawson. Hank Voight is our boss. Who else did I miss? Hmm…Oh, Burgess and Atwater! So there’s eight of us”, Jay counts.

“And Sergeant Platt at the desk”, you remind him.

Jay lets out a laugh, “Right, that’s sweet of you to remember her”

“Well, no one can go in 21st District without her permission. So I have to take good care of her”, you humorously explain your reason.

Soon Jay parks his car. “The restaurant is just around the corner”, he shows you as you step out of his car. You walk side by side to the restaurant.

“Dawson told me this place is good but I’ve never been here before”, Jay informs you when he opens the restaurant door for you.

“Great, I like unknown places”, you cheerfully comment.

There is a friendly-looking older guy greets them at the door. “Hola! Welcome! My name is Carlos. Are you looking for a table for two?”

Jay gives him an affirmative nod, “Yes, please”

Carlos then guides both of you to a table. He lets you settle down and gives menu cards to review. A few minutes later, he comes back, “Ready to order?”

Jay looks at you questioningly. “Ah, can you tell me more about this one?”, you ask Carlos, pointing out an appetizing picture of a dish on the menu. The discussion is certainly longer than normal, but Carlos happily explains it to you. Finally, you pick your choice and so does Jay.

“I’m sorry. It must’ve been annoying to listen to”, you apologize to Jay once Carlos left.

“Not at all", Jay brushes it off. "It is actually interesting to see. The guy was ready to narrate all the tales about each dish when you ask”

“Yeah, thankfully he’s patient about it. Other places might have kicked me out before I can decide”, you snort a laugh. “That happened before. We were in New York. My best friend, Alex is a DJ. He was scheduled to play a gig at a club there. We planned to have an early dinner before going to the club. It was a fairly fancy restaurant. I remembered asking at least three questions for each dish before the waitress lost her patience, accused me of pranking her, and kicked us out. We were too shocked to say anything”, you giggle through your story. “Whenever we try new places now, I’m not allowed to order anymore”

"You're not just being polite when you mentioned you like unknown places", Jay remarks after laughing at your story.

"No, I truly like it. When we travel for work, we like to try places recommended by locals. Sometimes they do well, sometimes they don't. That's the fun in that", you justify.

"Is that why your place is rather bare? Because you travel all the time?", he pries.

"Ah no, not really. I.. I haven't been staying there long. Two months now", you hesitantly unfold.

"Oh, where do you live before?", he continues to probe.

"Amsterdam", you quickly respond, wishing he doesn't ask more about it.

"That's far. What made you move here?", Jay intrigues, unaware of your discomfort.

Before you can reply, a waiter comes with an appetizer and wine. He pours the wine into both of yours and Jay's glass, then leaves the bottle on the table. You softly exhale your relief, grateful for the distraction.

“Hmm, this is good”, you say after sipping your wine and tasting the food. “This place is very nice", as you look around the restaurant. "A good recommendation you received here, Jay”

"Yeah, Antonio rarely stirs us wrong", Jay agrees with you.

"Antonio is Gabby's brother, right?", you ask him.

"Yeah, you know her?", Jay returns with a tad surprised.

"Uhuh, Met her at Molly's", you answer shortly. It is not exactly a lie, but it is not the whole truth either. You did come to Molly's the night before the incident where Firehouse 51 saved you.

"Seriously? I can't believe we never met before. Our unit is a regular there! Even Will also frequently goes there", Jay baffles. You just giggle in response.

Easy conversation flows during dinner. Both of you certainly enjoy it. Soon the meal is finished and dessert is polished. While Jay settles the bill, you compliment the staff for the nice meal. Carlos bids farewell at the door with a small package of dulce de leche cookies. "Hope you enjoy the rest of your night!", he wishes you and Jay goodbye.

“What if we take a walk for a while, sober up from the wine?”, Jay suggests to you after leaving the restaurant. “Okay”, you readily agree.

Jay holds your hand when you both stroll along the sidewalk. The sky is quite clear. Even though you cannot see a lot of stars, the moon shines prettily. Both of you glance at each other a few times. Until you lock eyes with him, Jay stops his walk and turns to look at you. “Gosh, you’re gorgeous”, he states before kissing you tenderly on your lips.

One kiss turns two and another and another. It got more intense for each kiss. You’re not sure how long until you have to take a breather.

“Might be better if we go back now?” you sigh to his lips. He steals another kiss before replying, “Okay, we’re going now.”

◢◤

Your hand is shaking when you try to open your apartment door with Jay’s hands wrap around your waist. His body presses on your back while his lips nibble on your neck. Once you get in, you lead him to your bedroom. Jay sheds his and your clothes one by one in between kisses along the way. Both of you are topless when you reach your bedroom. You push him lightly to your bed and straddle him on his lap. The make-out session keeps going for a while. His hands then move from your ass to take off your jeans. He rolls on top of you and starts to peel your jeans from your legs.

You suddenly realize that he’s going to see the scar on your left leg, a souvenir from the incident. Jay can feel you stiffen when his knuckles graze your scar. “You okay?”, he tentatively asks you.

“Ah, yeah. I don’t know how I could forget about it. I’m sorry. I could cover it so you...”, you falter.

“What? What are you talking about?”, Jay confusedly interrupts.

You sit up and pointedly look at your left leg. There’s a long jagged line that goes along your left hamstring. Jay delicately touches it, but you jerk your leg away in reflex, “Sorry! Am I hurting you?”, Jay sounds worried.

“No, you’re not”, you fall back to your pillow and avoid looking at Jay. He moves to your right side and leans on his left elbow, facing you as he waits for you to speak.

“There’s was an incident, a couple months ago”, you begin to fill him in. “Alex was playing a gig at a nightclub on Fulton River District. I assisted him behind the stage”, you shudder as you recount the nightmare.

“One moment everything went alright, but then I saw the stage started to wobble. It collapsed quickly. I pulled Alex out of the way but I moved too slow...” Jay stays silent but holds your right hand and kisses the back of it.

“I was trapped under the rubble. My leg got pinned. Until Firehouse 51 pulled me out of there”. Jay instinctively squeezes your hand. “Torn the ligaments, got some nerve damage too. Been working on it ever since”, you unreliably conclude your story.

Jay is quiet for a while, but his hand moves to caress your face. “I’m gonna buy drinks for the whole 51 next time I see them at Molly’s”, he declares and then closes the gap to your lips. “For them to save you, so I can have you here, with me, right now”

He continues to kiss your neck, down to your shoulder, on top of your breast, your ribs. His lips keep moving south until he gets to your thigh. You try to pull your left leg away, but he is just not having it. He peppers your thigh and knee with soft kisses. “You don’t have to do that”, you whisper. “I know it’s off-putting”

“That’s where you are wrong. I see this as a beautiful sign that you survive” Jay fiercely says. “I got scars too, Y/N. Some even invisible. Are you appalled about my scars?”, he questions you.

“Of course not!” you exclaim.

“So you understand that I am not revolted by it”, his eyes look at you sincerely, before he puts your left leg on his right shoulder to kiss your scar.

Soon, he takes off his trousers and underwear, follows by pulling yours off. When he crawls back on top of you, you circle your hands around his neck and pull him down to kiss his lips passionately.

"I'm so glad I got a chance to meet you", Jay says before continues the night to make love to you.

Next on this fic : Part 6

+x Taglist +x

@shipshipshipau @itsdesiree86 @thevelvetseries @annaallicce

[emjee]

The Glorious Queer Potential of Viola and Orsino in Twelfth Night

for Shakespeare Appreciation Week - Day Three - Lovers Day

This is a long-promised essay/ramble and I’m chucking it under Lover’s Day because it mostly concerns Viola and Orsino. I suppose an alternate title for it could be Orsino: He’s as Queer as the Rest of Them.

Before we begin, brief caveat: queerness exists in many forms and means many things to many people. This is my reading as one (1) singular queer person. Also, as you will have noticed if you read this far, I’m using the word queer. Not only is it an academically accepted term and one of my personal identifiers, it is in many cases the best descriptor for people and relationships in a play written in a time where gender and sexuality were constructed differently than they are today. Am I going to use the word “bisexual” when I talk about Orsino? Probably. But overall, the play’s just queer, in terms of gender, sexual attraction, and social relationships.

Let’s start with Viola (another heads up, I’m going to refer to her mostly as Viola because that’s how she seems to think about herself, and I’m going to use she/her pronouns). I believe @shredsandpatches recently made an argument that Viola can be read as a trans woman, which is an argument I love—she’s clearly uncomfortable with her masculine disguise (“Disguise, I see, thou art a wickedness, / Wherein the pregnant enemy does much. / How easy is it for the proper-false / In women's waxen hearts to set their forms!”) but she also passes as a man marvelously well. Like, people make a few comments about her higher voice, but nobody actually seems to suspect that she’s a woman until she’s finally in the same place as Sebastian and everyone goes “twins?!” Viola being a trans woman would also make the whole “she and Sebastian are literally identical” thing much more plausible, although one should never let “biological technicalities” get in the way of a good twin plot. I think there are also arguments to be made for playing Viola as a gender nonconforming cis woman who thinks, “It’ll be safer if I just pass as a man”, or with some other relationship to genderqueerness. (And by the way, when I say “arguments to be made”, sometimes that can mean the argument is “I, a queer person, feel like playing Viola this way.” Sometimes you just gotta do it for the queer joy, you know?)

So, Orsino. The two most memorable Orsinos I’ve seen have been Nicholas Bishop in the 2017 RSC production and Oliver Chris in the 2017 National Theatre production (truly we were blessed with Twelfth Nights in 2017). The RSC production chose to look at Orsino and immediately go, “This is not a Straight Man” which was valid of them—from the get-go, you understand why Orsino might go for a person who’s got some excellent gender-fuckery going on. In the NT production, Orsino is much more of a jock and, to my interpretation, definitely Thinks He’s Straight, which is fun because you get to see his heterosexuality crumble before his very eyes. (The moment where Viola reveals herself as a woman and Orsino lets out a long “oh thank God” breath can read a little too close to “no homo” for my liking, but Oliver Chris is good at making even asshole characters weirdly endearing, so I will let it pass.)

With both of these productions, you also have to consider the era they’re set in: the RSC is in the Victorian era, the NT in the 1970s (I think. I’m pretty sure it’s the 70s. Could be the 60s?) In the RSC, one could infer that Orsino’s commitment to getting Olivia to love him stems from the homophobia of the society he’s living in. Would he love to be able to just get with men? Sure. But the odds of him getting away with that for his entire life are low. The show’s design really makes this production Shakespeare-by-way-of-Wilde: the sets, the costumes (especially Antonio, who’s literally wearing a green carnation in his lapel). By evoking Wilde and his persecution, the production reminds the viewer that plenty of the people in this play—Antonio, Olivia, Viola, Orsino—can’t show the outside world their true queer selves, however much they might want to be.

Now, the NT production’s version of Orsino reads to me very much like someone going through a bisexual awakening. Source: I have undergone a bisexual awakening and I took one look at Orsino in this production and went *John Mulaney voice* “Oh, okay.” To me, Oliver Chris’s Orsino is going through the motions of compulsive heterosexuality. By all accounts, he should be in love with Olivia. It makes sense to him. He knows all the motions to go through. He’s talked himself into loving her because that’s what you do when you feel you need to be visibly in love with a woman and she’s the most suitable person around.

But once Orsino meets Viola, he seems to immediately adore her, in his own bro way, for herself. This isn’t what he’s used to attraction being like, he doesn’t immediately recognize it because Cesario is a guy, sometimes guys are just friends with other guys and do a lot of homoerotic boxing practice (still not over it) and it’s just dudes being bros and chilling on a table at your fortieth birthday part five feet apart because you’re not gay (spoiler: you’re actually really gay, and by gay I mean pick your favorite flavor of polysexual queerness).

Orsino continues to refer to Viola as Cesario up until the end of the play, mostly because Viola is still wearing men’s clothes. In early modern England, clothes were a huge part of gender expression. Cross-dressing was against the law (I’m 99% sure, someone please correct me on this if I’m wrong; it’s been several years since I discussed queer early modern stuff in a formal setting). Orsino referring to Viola as Cesario even when he knows she’s a woman is one of those things that has a reasonable historic explanation, but can also be read nowadays as: he likes it. Orsino’s into genderqueerness, and good on him. Genderqueerness is attractive as hell.

I know we sometimes lament the end of Twelfth Night along the lines of “But Will! Tell us what the original super-gay ending was!!” I totally understand why people want to see Olivia and Viola wind up together (Olivia—another raging queer who I didn’t even get to in this ramble—does seem to be truly in love with Viola and it’s hard to leave her disappointed at the end of the play), and I think we’re all heartbroken for Antonio (he just loves Sebastian so MUCH). However, I want to point out that men and women can still have queer romantic relationships with each other.  A love story between Viola as a straight trans woman and Orsino as a bisexual cis man is still a queer love story.

Happy Lovers Day, my loves! Have a fabulously queer day.

[flowerpowell]

The Royal Holiday Romance (Liam x MC)

PART THREE

A/N: Good morning and welcome to the third part of this mess of a series that I randomly decided to write. It’s still cheesy and still Hallmarky. Nothing changed in that department. And we’re almost kinda halfway through. I hope you’ll like this part! Characters belong to Pixelberry.

Rating: G 

Tagging: @twinkleallnight​ @kingliam-rys​ @sfb123​ @iaminlovewithtrr​ @gardeningourmet​ @gkittylove99​ @texaskitten30​ @delightfullypinkglitter​ @kingliam2019​ @queen-arabella-of-cordonia​ @lodberg​ 

Victoria looked at herself in the mirror and sighed. She wasn’t sure if her little black dress was an appropriate attire for meeting the King. On the other hand, she truly believed that ‘less is more’ and her LBD was inspired by the fashion of Audrey Hepburn. If the King had a problem with Victoria’s love for simple outfits it wouldn’t be her problem. She doubted it’d be the case though; Hana insisted that the King was a true gentleman and one of the nicest people she’d ever met. Victoria was already excited to meet him. Besides, she’d never met anyone from royal family before and she was interested what they would be like. Her obsessions with fairytales definitely added to that interest.

“Ready?” Hana walked into Victoria’s room in a house the filming crew rented for all the actors.

“I think so. What do you think?” She did a little twirl and Hana chuckled.

“Beautiful. You look like an actress straight from the 50’s. Come on, our car is waiting for us!”

Victoria took a deep breath before walking out. It felt almost silly how excited she was but the inner child within her was screaming with joy at the prospect of going to an actual palace.

“Here goes nothing.” 

~~~~

“Ahhh! I’m so excited! Do you think Hana will like my squid suit?”

“Mhm.” Liam only nodded and Drake rolled his eyes.

“Why do I have to be here as well? I’m not a noble!” He asked, for the fifth time that hour.

“Because you want to support me?” Maxwell suggested and Drake shook his head.

“Try again.”

“This is so exciting! Thank you, Liam! You’re the best friend a guy could ask for,” Maxwell said, completely ignoring Drake.

“You’re welcome. My father liked lady Hana a lot and since her role in The Crown and the Flame he considered her a friend of the Crown. It’d be nice to have her back here.”

“And her friend Maxwell insisted on inviting,” Drake noticed.

“You’ll like her. Besides, Hana said nice things about her and Hana is never wrong.”

“Your obsession with Hana Lee is a bit concerning.”

“It’s not obsession, it’s an appreciation for her art. You’ll never understand it with an attitude like this, Drake.” Maxwell stuck out his tongue at him.

“Your Majesty.” Antonio, the King’s assistant, walked into the room. “The ladies have arrived. Shall I ask them to come here?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Your Majesty!” Bastien called out from behind Liam. “The American Ambassador is on the line and wants to talk to you. He says it’s urgent.”

“Very well, then.” Liam nodded. “I’ll join you in a moment. Please excuse me,” Liam apologized and followed Bastien into his office. Truth be told, he was quite happy about that distraction. As much as he liked lady Hana, he wasn’t in a mood to socialize today. All he could think about was the mysterious Victoria. He wondered if she visited his secret spot again. He wanted nothing more than to go to that forest again and see her again. Maybe. If she was still Cordonia, that is.

“Liam, get yourself together,” he scolded himself in his head before returning to his duties.

~~~~

“The King had to answer a call but he’ll join us shortly. I’m so happy to see you both again,” Maxwell welcomed Hana and Victoria as Drake shook their hands.

“He’s always busy in the Christmas time,” Drake added.

“It’s okay,” Victoria tried to smile but she was too anxious to do that. Now that she was in the palace, it all felt real but still almost surreal.

“What an interesting suit, Maxwell,” Hana noticed.

“Thank you, m’lady.” Maxwell smiled and turned to Drake, sending him a quick, I-told-you-so look.

“Let’s go to the dining room. I’m sure you two must be hungry after working all day.”

Victoria only nodded, glancing one last time behind her to see if maybe the King had joined them. So far, there was no sight of him.

~~~~

Liam was sitting in his office with his eyes closed. If he had had any energy left before, now he had absolutely none. The ambassador talked to him for straight thirty minutes about his idea, which Liam didn’t fully understood. Something about the movie with Hana Lee and about the premiere of it, as well as some other details Liam simply hadn’t noted. He was tired, too tired to talk to anyone. Would Maxwell forgive him if he ditched the dinner?

“He’s probably too focused on Hana to notice I’m not here,” Liam said to himself before standing up and taking his coat. He needed fresh air first. He could join his friends later.

~~~~

It was already an hour since they came to the palace and there was still no King on the horizon. Victoria wondered if the Kingly duties were that absorbing or if he simply decided to skip the dinner. Hana and Maxwell were chatting and seemed not to notice someone was missing but Victoria kept glancing at the door from time to time. She talked a little with Drake who, as she learned, was half-American and was King’s best friend. He told her about his family’s ranch in Texas and about how different his life was in Cordonia. In return, Victoria told Drake about how she wanted to become a movie critic but became an actress instead.

“Y’know, it’s never too late to change your career path. Maybe you’re never really happy with your roles because you’re not doing something you really love?” Drake suggested when she confessed to him why she wasn’t so excited about the movie.

“I don’t know… It feels easier to be where I am rather than change my life drastically.”

“Maybe.” Drake nodded. “But I learned the hard way that we don’t grow if we stay in the same place. Don’t settle for less just because you’re comfortable or scared.”

Victoria chuckled. “That was deep.”

Drake smiled and motioned the alcohol on the table. “That’s whiskey talking. Or maybe my wife’s influence, I don’t know.”

“In this case, I’d like to thank whiskey and your wife for the advice. I’ll think about it.”

“Please do. I was in a similar spot before I met my wife. She completely changed me and made me realize all these things I just told you. And that being said,” Drake looked around the room, “I gotta go, I miss my wife.”

“Sure. Have a great night, Drake. And thank you for the pep talk!”

“At your service.” Drake smiled and said goodbye to Hana and Maxwell. Victoria sat alone for twenty minutes more before she finally decided to go home as well. The King wasn’t coming. He was probably very busy and Victoria wasn’t surprised he couldn’t make it.

“I think I’ll go as well. I’m a bit sleepy after today. You can stay,” Victoria added as she noticed Hana was getting up, too.

“Nonsense. I brought you here and besides, it is pretty late.”

“Hana, I know where to go. And I think I could use a walk. Please, stay here with Maxwell and don’t worry about me. We’ll see each other tomorrow morning anyway.”

“If you’re sure.” Hana hesitated and Victoria smiled reassuringly.

“I am.”

“Do you need a drive? I can ask one of our drivers to give you a lift,” Maxwell offered but she shook her head.

“I’ll walk, I want to get some fresh air before I’ll go to sleep. You two have fun, though!”

“Text me when you get to your room safely!” Hana called out after Victoria and she only nodded.

~~~~

Liam was wandering around the forest for over an hour, each minute feeling guilty for leaving his guests without their host. He truly believed they were better off without him as he was too tired to make a good impression on anyone.

It was already late when he decided to head home. He didn’t see Victoria, not that he was looking for her. He was that naïve to think he’d meet her again.

He was about twenty minutes from home when he noticed someone familiar. His heart began to race as he realized it was Victoria. As usual, she seemed to be lost in thought and didn’t see him. He admired how beautiful she looked for a moment before he decided to catch her attention.

“Victoria!” He called out and felt tingles when their eyes met. He watched as she walked up to him smiling from ear to ear and realized he was grinning like an idiot himself.

“Liam! What a nice surprise to meet you here!”

“Indeed it is. I… umm… was in the forest today and I missed you bumping into me.”

Victoria chuckled at his words. “I wanted to go there today but I had to be somewhere else.”

“Do you have any plans for tomorrow? There’s another spot I like and which I think you’ll like as well; besides, I just finished reading Little Mermaid and need to discuss it with an expert.”

“You read Little Mermaid?” Her eyes were sparkling with joy and Liam’s breath hitched.

“Of course. I’m always down to read a good thriller,” he joked causing her to burst out laughing. She quickly covered her mouth but Liam took notice of how adorable her laugh was.

“I’m free,” she replied. She had no scenes that day anyway and Hana would forgive her if she skipped one day of eating lunch together. Liam smiled at her words.

“Wonderful. Should we meet by the cave? What time would be the best for you?”

“Maybe it’d be easier if we had each other’s phone numbers?” Victoria suggested shyly. It was the first time ever she asked a man for his number. “This way we wouldn’t have to wait to bump into each other again and if something pops out we’d be able to contact one another.”

“I’m glad at least one of us is thinking straight,” Liam laughed. They exchanged their phone numbers and after chatting for a few moments, each of them went their own way, both of them thinking about the other one.

~~~~

“Good morning to you, Your Majesty who skipped your own dinner party. I hope the call was fruitful.”

Liam rolled his eyes at Drake’s sarcastic comment.

“The call was way too long and exhausting. I needed to go for a walk afterwards.” He bit his lip and Drake eyed him suspiciously.

“I know that look. You’re hiding something.”

“Not at all.”

“Mhm. Where were you yesterday and where are you going today?”

Liam sighed. “Drake, I really—”

“Be sorry that you didn’t come to dinner yesterday. We had so much fun! And Hana loved my suit!” Maxwell waltzed into the room, beaming.

“She said it was interesting,” Drake corrected but Maxwell ignored it.

“Where were you anyway?”

“I went for a walk and it took me longer than I thought. I’m happy to hear that you all had a great time,” Liam replied. They might have had a great time but he was sure he had even greater time. A certain movie critic had something to do with it. They shared a few messages since last night, mostly talking about movies and books. Liam found himself completely fascinated by this woman who was so passionate about cinema that it made him watch something for the first time since becoming the King.

“Maxwell had. He was talking to Hana all evening and left Hana’s friend out,” Drake noticed.

“She was talking to you!”

“Until I had to go back to Riley. Maxwell, you sucked as a host, face it.”

“Thank you, Drake for keeping her company though. Had I known she’d be sitting alone I’d have come sooner,” Liam said suddenly feeling guilty. He didn’t know this Tori but she was his guest and he felt bad for how Maxwell treated her.

“Okay, I’m sorry. I should’ve acted differently but I was just so excited to talk to Hana that I forgot about everything else. And Tori didn’t seem to mind. I told you she was cool,” Maxwell shrugged.

“We’ll talk about when I’ll come back,” Liam warned.

“Where are you going? Shouldn’t you have a meeting with my brother and Olivia today?”

“I rescheduled. I’m meeting someone.”

“Who?” Drake raised his eyebrows.

“Just… someone I met recently. I’ll tell you later.”

“Oooh, interesting!” Maxwell exclaimed. “Then I’ll tell you more about what I learned about Hana! Look, I even took pictures of us! I’ll use them in my book.” Maxwell showed Liam a few selfies from the day before. Most of them showed Maxwell grinning at the camera and Hana smiling slightly.

“Wait, stop,” Liam asked. “Can you go back to three pictures ago?”

“Umm, sure.”

Maxwell went back to the photo and Liam’s eyes went wide as he looked at it. He zoomed in on a person in the background, not believing his eyes.

“Victoria?!”

--------------------

[heavencollins]

Top 10 Films of 2020: Part One

2020 was a rough year for a lot of reasons, but even more rough due to the lack of an existent film industry for over half of the year.  Sure, there are small productions happening and movies being released on VOD, as well as some in theatres, but so many great films were pushed back this year—movies I was excited to possibly have on my top ten.  Minari, Promising Young Woman, Zola, The Green Knight, Saint Maud.  Okay most of those are A24 releases but A24 literally released next to none of their slate for this year and it’s one of the most disappointing things to happen in the entertainment industry in my opinion.  

Alas, I still found cinema through streaming, paying $20 for a VOD rental, and those amazing $1.80 rentals from Redbox (remember when they were only a dollar?  because I do).  And honestly?  It was probably the hardest time curating a top ten that I’ve had in a long time; with so much just available through the internet and owning every single popular streaming service, it was both impossible to watch everything I wanted but also since I watched a lot of what i wanted, I ended up loving most of it.  For a year that was so dismal in every other way possible, the films that were released ended up being a shining light more often than not.  Of course, like every other year, a lot of hot garbage came out too, but that isn’t the focus of this—the great, amazing, can’t believe these are real films.  

So let’s start from number ten.  This was my first and only $20 rental this year, starring a man who I personally admire: Pete Davidson.  

10. The King Of Staten Island, directed by Judd Apatow and written by Judd Apatow, Pete Davidson, and Dave Sirus.  

Judd Apatow is one of the first directors who I watched religiously, and hearing that he was doing a film with Pete Davidson that was essentially based on Davidson’s life meant that I knew I’d have to watch it.  Scott, played by Davidson, is a twenty-something with no direct path in life; he lives with his mother, his sister is going off to college—something he never attempted—and he has no real career.  His father died in a large building structure fire, much like Davidson’s actual father, a firefighter who passed away while responding to the twin towers during 9/11.  Scott is emotionally a wreck, plagued with depression and anxiety, a chronic weed smoker, and dreams of being a tattoo artist that he practices by tattooing his group of rag-tag friends, but none of the tattoos are very great.  

The thing about an Apatow film is they border the line between comedy and drama very well, kind of a complicated little dance.  But, King of Staten Island is very much a drama more than a comedy.  Bill Burr plays Ray, the father of a kid that Scott tattoos earlier on in the film.  Ray comes stomping up to Scott’s mother’s house, and Margie, played by Marissa Tomei, opens the door.  It’s essentially love at first sight.  She hasn’t dated since Scott’s father passed, and to make matters worse, Ray is also a firefighter.  This complicates emotions for Scott, as he loves his mother but also doesn’t know how to deal with the feeling that his mother is finally moving on and may face heartbreak again.  

Davidson puts it all on the table in this film.  It’s poignant and realistic; at the start, Scott is driving down the highway and closes his eyes, way longer than you should.  It sets the tone from the start that this man isn’t okay, but also he’s scared of dying because as soon as he opens his eyes again and sees he may be about to crash, he quickly panics and readjusts his wheel.  This struck a chord with me as most people know that Davidson has struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past.  It’s a beautiful film that memorializes both how much Davidson’s father meant to him, but also the cycles of grief and trauma that last throughout your life.  

9: Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn), directed by Cathy Yan and written by Christina Hodson.

Suicide Squad is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen period, fact.  Birds of Prey is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen period, fact.  I never, ever, ever thought I’d see a day where a DC movie was in my top ten, but this year anything is possible.  Birds of Prey is a display of feminism, badassery, and all around perfection.  You jump right into the story, hearing Margot Robbie’s classic Harley Quinn voice laid over an animation showing what we missed in her life so far, which means you don’t have to have any previous knowledge of the other films.  Birds of Prey is meant to stand alone from any other movie preceding this one, and that’s just part of why it’s so great.

This film knows not to take itself too seriously.  Margot Robbie is a dream as Harley Quinn, using just the right amount of playfulness to put a little edge on her, while also maintaining the manic-panic-pixie-dream-girl effect.  Perhaps the best scene is when Harley goes and purchases the perfect egg breakfast sandwich, and then she drops it, causing a dramatic slow motion effect that proves she really does love that sandwich more than anything in the world.  Or her realistic apartment, nothing truly fancy, just a little hole in the wall above a rundown Chinese restaurant.  But then she has an amazing ensemble of other women actors around her, which are what really uplift her performance. 

The funhouse fight scene at the end may be the best in superhero movie history.  I mean, I guess, is Harley Quinn really a superhero?  She’s kind of the anti-hero, which is what makes her so great.  She’s somebody who isn’t even close to perfect but she still succeeds and tries to help and uplift the other women on her team.  There’s just something special about this movie that made me smile and laugh the entire time.  It’s a reminder that it’s okay to have fun every once in a while.  

8: The Assistant, directed and written by Kitty Green.

For those who don’t know, I work as an assistant during the day for a small business here in Vermont.  The work is mundane but it’s a job that’s giving me experience for the future.  In The Assistant, Jane, played by Julia Garner, is an assistant to a “powerful entertainment mogul.”  She gets lunch, answers phones, is the first one into the office, the last one out of the office, finds herself overshadowed by her male counterparts and getting the majority of the “grunt” work, and becomes more and more aware of what’s really going on at this office throughout a day in her life.  

What’s interesting about this film is nothing is ever seen; everything Jane starts to feel is just based on intuition.  Her boss is tricky, finding ways to keep his abuse of women out of the public eye, out of the eye of any female employees.  This is obviously in response to #MeToo, Times Up, and the Harvey Weinstein news from the last few years, and it works surprisingly well as a film that just unnerves you and gets under your skin.  

The reality of assault in the film industry is that until it’s widely public and known, nobody is going to know about it.  You can report it to your company, to other women, to other men, to anybody, and nobody will take you seriously until they either experience it themselves or know somebody else who has.  The Assistant hits the ball out of the park with the ending, even if it doesn’t give a vindictive satisfaction to viewers, because it’s simply the truth of the matter.  

7: Tenet, directed and written by Christopher Nolan.

I really don’t know what to say about this one.  It’s really controversial to like it but I absolutely LOVED this movie, it’s pure fucking vibes.  A lot of people are cinema purists, which I am not, and will never claim to be, which was a huge deal with this film.  Personally, this works way better at home than it ever would in a theater.  It’s slightly long, the sound mixing makes it so it can be hard to hear dialogue over loud noises and the score, and it’s the type of movie you may have to rewind  a few times.  

My partner and I watched this in 4K Ultra HD with subtitles on, and let me tell you, it was amazing.  Everything about the acting, the diversity in the film, the fact that Nolan literally has a character say “Don’t try to understand it, just experience it”???? VIBES.  That’s all I can say about it.  Plus, Elizabeth Debicki plays an actual badass who stands against her abuser and that enough is five stars.  A tall queen standing up against her short joker—absolute feminism.  

Sure, no character gets any development, but is that seriously necessary for every film?  It’s an action flick about time and space and none of it makes sense and you can’t force it to.  Why does everything need to make sense in a time where we are literally living through a pandemic?  Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the experience of Tenet.  It’s more fun when you don’t take it seriously.  

6: The Devil All The Time, directed by Antonio Campos and written by Antonio Campos, Donald Ray Pollock, and Paulo Campos.

I never read the book this was based on, but this film made me want to.  I love a film where multiple plot lines converge into one central story and this one did it so well, all with the same theme surrounding every single character: the guilt of sin and how no matter how much you think you can save yourself, you can’t truly save yourself.  I’m not a huge fan of Tom Holland, but he shines as Arvin from beginning to end.  Pattinson brings a creepy southern preacher to life with an accent that he will never be able to match again.  Keough gives a performance you can only sympathize with as you know she’s being manipulated the entire time.  Every character in this is corrupt in their own way but some in worse ways than others.

I don’t know how much to say about this one without spoiling it, either, because the core of this film is on the characters and what leads to their untimely ends, because pretty much everybody ends up dead.  It’s grim and dark but it’s so beautiful and tells the story in a way that keeps you interested throughout the entire run time.  It surprised me but there’s never truly been a Robert Pattinson starring movie that I’ve hated, so am I really surprised?  I’m a TwiHard at heart even at age 22. 

[jazzicology]

JAZZPRING!

This will seem topsy-turvy to those of you in the Northern hemisphere - but in New Zealand, Spring is just around the corner. And here at Jazzicology headquarters in Queenstown, we’re busy preparing for our Spring jazz gigs. Putting together a set on a specific theme is a great incentive to search for and learn new material. Here’s our ‘Jazzpring’ setlist with some notes on each. We’ve aimed for a mix of tempos and contrasting jazz styles. In amongst some old standards are some quirky additions: possibly the only song written from the perspective of a frightened tomato (Hang on Little Tomato); and a wonderful number that perfectly sets Shakespeare’s ‘It was a lover and his lass’ to a catchy melody and jazz chords – it deserves to be in everyone’s Spring set list. I was amazed how many jazz songs there are on topics relating to Spring – far too many to include in just one gig!

Joyspring. 1954 composition by Clifford Brown, jazz trumpeter and a key figure in the Hard Bop movement. The lyrics I use are by Jezra Kay. This is a super-fast-paced, up-beat tune. I discovered, rather too late for this gig, that there are also some wonderfully poetic lyrics by Jon Hendricks, a leading jazz lyricist who is responsible for the lyrics for many well-known jazz songs composed as instrumentals. You can read about Hendrick’s lyrics for JoySpring here.

You must believe in Spring. Composed by Michel LeGrand (1964), this song shares some features with his other, better-known compositions (Windmills of Your Mind; What Are You Doing For The Rest of Your Life). The chords and melody strike a reflective and melancholy, yet hopeful, mood. It is a truly beautiful number that I had not previously been aware of. I have been listening to Bill Evans’s instrumental version of it – it just incredible - and this vocal performance by Sarah McKenzie. It was originally called La Chanson de Maxence and was written for the French film ‘Les Demoiselles de Rochefort’. Looking at the original French lyrics, it is clear the English lyrics are not a translation; the song’s theme of Spring is entirely attributable to the authors of the English language lyricists Bergman and Bergman. Indeed, these lyrics are so well crafted that it is difficult to believe the phrase ‘You Must Believe in Spring’ wasn’t originally in Le Grand’s mind when he wrote it! Listening to various vocal recordings over the last few weeks, I discovered some additional lyrics that, as far as I can tell, appear only in a recording by Barbra Streisand. I don’t know who wrote them (possibly Streisand), but they seem apt for a troubled world, so here they are for other singers who may be interested in using them:

When angry voices drown the music of the spheres 

And children face a world that’s far beyond their years 

Above the darkest skies, The far horizons lie 

With all the reasons why you must believe in Spring.

Spring can really hang you up the most. Composer Tommy Wolf (1955), lyrics Fran Landesman. Spring isn’t all rainbows and daffodils – like all fun times of year, for those who are down or lonely it can serve to underline your own misery. The title of the song is a jazz twist on the opening line of T.S. Eliot's The Waste Land: "April is the cruellest month". My favourite version of this song is by Carmen McCrae – it’s like a masterclass in jazz vocals. I was surprised how difficult this song was to learn – and was relieved to find an entire blog written about it, claiming that the obscene number of verses and lyrics, and wide vocal range and unusual phrasings are clearly the work of someone who hates singers! Fortunately, I love a challenge.

Blue Skies. Irving Berlin (1926). Blue Skies is probably the best-known and certainly the oldest song in this set. Thelonious Monk wrote a Be-Bop number, ‘Suddenly in Walked Bud’, based on the chord progressions in Blue Skies, as a tribute to his friend, the jazz pianist, Bud Powell. The lyrics are a virtual who’s-who list of jazz greats from that time. Monk’s ‘In Walked Bud’ is an example of a jazz ‘contrafact’: where a new melody is laid over existing chords (in this case, Blue Skies). There are lots of examples of this in Bop from the 1940s, because it was a way for jazz musicians to create new pieces “for performance and recording on which they could immediately improvise, without having to seek permission or pay publisher fees for copyrighted materials (while melodies can be copyrighted, the underlying harmonic structure cannot be)”. Since the lyrics and melody for ‘In Walked Bud’ work perfectly well over the chords for ‘Blue Skies’ (apart from the bridge) I’ll incorporate elements of them into our performance.

It might as well be Spring. Composed by Rodgers and Hammerstein (1945) for the movie State Fair, for which it won an Academy Award for best original song. Many people have recorded this, but I’ve been listening to Ella Fitzerald and this lovely French version by (the aptly Spring-named) Blossom Dearie.

They say its Spring. Composers Bob Haymes and Marty Clark (1950s). With a melody and lyrics that are as light and floaty as a feather, this is a quintessential Spring song about being in love. Blossom Dearie appears to have been the first to record it, in 1957.

Nature Boy/Nardis. Composed by Eden Ahbez (1947). Nature boy is on Jazzicology’s set list – but with a twist! We will perform it using the principal motif from Miles Davis’ Nardis in both the Intro and coda. This was an idea developed by me and UK jazz pianist Sid Thomas, and you can listen to Sid and I performing it here. The ‘back story’ to Nature Boy is pretty interesting in its own right and can be found in a previous Jazzicology blog penned by Sid, ‘The one hit wonders of jazz’.

I love Paris in the Springtime. Cole Porter (1954). A classic recording of this by Ella Fitzgerald. However, I very much like this version, which has a Parisian café feel. This is a relatively simple melody to learn, with the chief challenge for the vocalist being the wide vocal range needed to change register.

Timeless Place. Composed by Jimmy Rowles in the 1970s as an instrumental (‘The Peacocks’) and recorded by him and sax legend Stan Getz in the 1975 album of the same name. The wonderful, reflective lyrics were added much later by UK jazz vocalist, Norma Winstone, and included on her 1993 album Well Kept Secret. This song is technically very challenging for a vocalist: the melody over the ‘bridge’ is a little non-intuitive and sits outside the harmony – it creates a tension which resolves into the main refrain. The word Spring appears nowhere in the song, but I’m going to justify its inclusion here because the lyrics include a beautiful formal garden with flowers and trees.

Double Rainbow. Composed by Brazilian jazz maestro, Antonio Jobim in 1970. This is one of his lesser-known numbers. It perfectly captures a spring garden, after a sudden rain-shower, with rainbows, puddles and a little robin hopping about. Actually, because the song is written in Portugese, the little bird in the song is a chico-chico, so robin is used as the equivalent in the English translation (maybe I should use a bellbird instead?). In Portugese, the title is Chovendo na Roseira (the rain is falling on the roses) and I perform it using first the Portugese and then the English lyrics – both are lovely, and the different languages each lend a slightly different feel to song.

Hang on Little Tomato. Music and lyrics by Patrick Abbey, China Forbes and Thomas Lauderdale and released on the Pink Martini album of the same name in 2004. For those who have gotten their tomato seedlings off to an early start, this the song you need to sing to them when they get planted outside. It’s a scary world out there for a little tomato. It’s a seriously cute little song, and a reminder that we all need to keep hanging on to the vine. The song title is apparently a reference to a Hunt's Ketchup ad campaign "Hang On, Little Tomato!" in a 1964 issue of Life magazine. (Is it a coincidence that Pink Martini’s named their own record label Heinz, I wonder?)

Hey Nonny No! Composed by UK jazz composer and pianist Sid Thomas, this up-beat, toe-tappin’ number captures the feel of Spring brilliantly and the melody and chords provide a fabulous setting for Shakespeare’s ‘It was a lover and his lass’ from As you Like it. You’ll be humming this one on the way home.

Seed Leaves. Another Sid Thomas composition, this one setting to music the poem ‘Seed Leaves’ by Poet Laureate and two times Pulitzer Prize winner Richard Wilbur. You can find the poem here. Anyone wishing to request the music for ‘Hey Nonny No’ or ‘Seed Leaves’ can contact Sid Thomas here.

Surrey with the Fringe on top. Rogers and Hammerstein, from Oklahoma (1946). Is it a little bit twee? Maybe, but hey – it is also very sweet. And it was a part of Miles Davis’ repertoire in the 1950s, so there’s no arguing with that!

Up Jumped Spring. Composed by US jazz trumpet player Freddie Hubbard in 1962, and included in his album Backlash. The lyrics were added later by vocalist US jazz vocalist Abbey Lincoln. This clip of the song being sung live by Audrey Silver is really worth listening to - what a confident, flawless performance.

So, there you have it: an eclectic Spring jazz set involving Shakespeare, tomatoes, rainbows, birds, toads, seedlings, melting snow, new love and a little sprinkling of melancholy. The lyrics in this set contain the words ‘isinglass’ and ‘yggdrasil’ – not words you hear every day – come to our gig on September 5th (assuming Queenstown is out of lockdown by then!) and see if you can spot them!

Other suggestions for Spring songs can be found here: 

https://jazz.fm/classic-jazz-songs-about-spring/ 

https://www.wrti.org/post/10-jazz-tunes-remind-you-its-spring

Nance Wilson

Nance Wilson is one half of Queenstown-based jazz duo, Jazzicology, together with pianist Mark Rendall-Wilson. 

Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/nance-wilson-trio 

Facebook: Jazzicology

[jedivszombie]

15, 23, 33, 44 & 64? :)

Thank you for these questions Danny! Once again I am incapable of answering anything without it turning into an essay so you will find the answers under the cut!

it’s hump day: let’s talk about F1 baybee

15. Is there a driver that you disliked in the beginning but now like?

I answered this here.

23. Is there a driver that you think is underrated?

Yes! Quite a few actually! In terms of the current grid I really think that Antonio Giovinazzi is very underrated - sure he took a while to come to terms with the Alfa and driving in F1 but we are now seeing a much more complete Antonio who is pushing his teammate in qualifying as well as the race. He more consistently scores points these days too. He’s the Ferrari reserve driver for a reason, the FDA don’t just pick up any old scrub and give them a seat. Sure he’s not Charles or Callum but he is a solid driver and he deserves more credit than he gets. 

I also really think that Nicholas Latifi is very underrated. We saw him multiple times getting quite close to George’s pace last year during his rookie season - sure he made mistakes but he was literally a rookie. People forget that because they consider him ‘old’ to be a rookie, when really he’s what used to be a normal-ish age for people to start in F1. If Williams hadn’t constantly given him weird 4 stop strategies for no apparent reason he might have been able to capitalise on some of the crazy situations. Also so far this year he has been way more on the pace of George and closer to scoring points. He’s a solid driver who has results in junior formulas and sure you can say the money he brings with him got him the seat but he’s also managed to get up to speed fairly quickly all things considered. 

Finally, I’m gonna throw it back to one of my absolute fave drivers because this is a bit of a weird one. I cannot believe I am having to type this sentence out but I truly believe Robert Kubica is highly underrated, or at least underrated by a subset of F1 fans. Newer F1 fans seem to think he is basically a pay driver (thanks to the Orlen sponsorship) and that he’s washed up or whatever. BUT he really isn’t and he’s very, very talented and fast. I was lucky enough to get to follow his F1 career prior to his accident and my god the things he could do with the cars he was in. 

First race he participated in he would’ve finished 7th if it hadn’t been for a disqualification and he outqualified his experienced teammate (sorry Nick but Bobby K really did That to ya). He also essentially made Jacques Villeneuve, who he was just standing in for, run for the hills after just that performance. Third ever F1 race Kubica was in he got a third position. He dragged BMW Sauber and Renault to some places they should not have been in and he was in the running for a championship back in 2008. 

Even after his accident he came back to F1 and racked up hours as test driver and gave valuable feedback and then as Williams driver he scored their only point of the season and the last point Williams had. Both Seb and Lewis have often commented that he is one of the best drivers they have ever competed against. He is very mechanically minded and sure he is bringing in big sponsorship money into Alfa but he’s also giving them a lot of very valuable feedback about the car - you know the thing that everyone says Kimi is incredible at, well Robert’s incredible at that too. Also he is now in ELMS and his team just won the first round in LMP2, not too shabby for someone the vast majority of F1 fans would have you believe is washed up and past it.  

33. Do you have a favourite team principle duo or ship?

Fave team principal duos: Toto Wolff and Cyril Abiteboul. Marcin Budkowski and Cyril Abiteboul ✌🏻

44. Where would you want to have a race?

I think it sure would be neat if we had a race in Malaysia or Germany - #bringbackNurburgring. Also we should go back to South Africa or maybe have a race in another African country because I think that would be cool. 

64. Is there a ship that seems so weird but somehow just works for you?

I don’t really think I am into any weird ships just super niche ships. Like Fernandrea (Alonso and Andrea Stella) or Arrivabene and Toto Wolff or Seb and Toto. 

[ryanmeft]

My Top Performances of 2019, Part 1

That’s pretty self-explanatory, right?

A couple notes:

I cut myself off at 20. Many deserving performances didn’t quite make that arbitrary cut. Some will be in the honorable mentions section in Part 2. The order is irrelevant. In fact, it is deliberately random. There were a few cases where two performances in the same movie were both great and complimentary, and I wanted to honor them both without using up another slot. So I just combined them.

Last but not least, don’t forget that while writers and directors can’t make movies without actors, without writers and directors actors are just grown-ass adults playing pretend in front of a mirror. That’s also true of designers, cinematographers, key grips, assistants---pretty much everyone it takes to make one of these things. If you really love an actor or a performance, look into the people you don’t see who make it possible, and be sure to mentally send them some appreciation, too.

On with the show.

Elisabeth Moss in Her Smell

While Joaquin Phoenix and Adam Sandler earned a lot of (very deserving) praise for playing men destructing in slow-motion, Elisabeth Moss went almost unseen here as a woman actively shredding herself and her life while holding onto the fading dregs of fame. Playing the wonderfully named Becky Something, she’s a briefly popular rock star whose absolute lack of control and addiction to power destroy her. But that’s not new; it’s so common a theme in rock movies that it’s become a cliche. What makes Becky stand out is the unwavering intensity Moss portrays her with. There is never a moment of calm, never a place to let out a breath.

Eddie Murphy in Dolemite is My Name

After a couple of decades of his early trash-talking persona being de-fanged by appearances in family films, Murphy returns to what made him famous: swearing a lot. But his turn as Blaxploitation icon Rudy Ray Moore is bigger than that. Moore is seen here as a truly ambitious and calculating entertainer for whom cussing and talking about explicit sex is merely a character for the benefit of others. Could it be a subtle comment on Murphy himself?

Thomasin McKenzie in Jojo Rabbit

Scarlett Johansson got the Oscar nod, but McKenzie is the beating heart of this Mel Brooksian satire of the Nazi regime, fierce and vulnerable and never too much of one or the other. From the moment she appears, when you think she’s going to be the typical meek Jewish refugee hiding in a wall panel and she instead lets Jojo know exactly who is in control, she commands the film, leaving us enjoying the whole thing but also waiting for her scenes. After her debut in Leave No Trace was mostly ignored, her lack of awards success here continues to be baffling.

Scarlett Johansson & Adam Driver in Marriage Story

Not that ScarJo didn’t deserve a nomination this year. You cannot look away from her in this unflinchingly realistic story of an imploding marriage---but Driver sure makes you want to. In a gender-narrative-switch, Johansson plays the cool, calculating one, remaining above the fray though, of course, privately threatening to drown in it. Driver is the overly emotional one, relying on instinct rather than reason. When they finally break down and have a knock-down drag-out, it’s both shocking that things disintegrated so quickly, and entirely unsurprising to anyone who’s ever attempted a serious relationship. 

Adam Sandler in Uncut Gems

Despite the fact he’s proven himself time and again to be a fantastic dramatic actor when he wants to be, few people were unsurprised at the unrelenting intensity of Sandler’s performance here. He’s a jewel shop owner and small-time hustler, addicted to the risk and thrill of gambling more than the reward. But that’s a pretty typical character. What makes Howard Ratner unique is that he lever lets us take a breath---the never ending explosion inside his head is manifested by the constant whirl of activity and terrible judgement on the outside.

Lupita Nyong’o in Us

As the hero of the film, Nyong’o is sympathetic and engaging. Yet the highlight of this double role is her evil twin---a twisted, broken psychopath who tells ghost stories that could scar your mind and slowly-but-relentlessly pursues her prey. It’s a testament to Nyong’o’s talent that whenever both are onscreen together, they seem equally real and equally separate. If you don’t think that sounds hard, imagine having to pretend to fight yourself pretending to fight yourself, and make it look good.

Rebecca Ferguson in Doctor Sleep

Look, I’m just gonna be honest here: I might have a little bit of a crush on Rebecca Ferguson, as much because of her until-now underutilized talent as her looks. She’s simply incredibly compelling to watch even in roles that don’t deserve her level of skill. After seeing her as a centuries-old, soul-devouring, child-murdering, vampire-like creature of the night in the latest Stephen King adaptation, though, I…well, still have a little bit of a crush on her. I probably need a better therapist. You know who doesn’t need more help? Ferguson, who with this role takes back the scene-chewing movie villain from superhero films and delivers one of the best of all time. I haven’t watched Doctor Who in a while; do they need a new Master yet?

Antonio Banderas in Pain & Glory

Banderas was a talented actor right from his early beginnings with director Pedro Almodovar. He came to Hollywood, got a few good roles out of it (I’m still a fan of that first Zorro movie), was relegated to the status of a sex symbol, dropped off most people’s radars for a while, and in Almodovar’s latest finally gets the role of his career. He’s an aging filmmaker who suffers from every chronic pain imaginable, unable or unwilling to write and reflecting on a lifetime full of loves and losses. It is a performance that is difficult to describe in words, sublime and subtle let passionate and romantic.

Juliette Binoche in High Life

I usually hedge my bets on statements of absolute fact, but I feel comfortable saying this is the only movie you will ever see in which Juliette Binoche uses a virtual reality machine and ceiling straps to imagine herself having sex with a person in an animal suit. Describing that scene is irresistible, but it is more than mere shock: it’s an indication of the depths of human drives which Claire Denis is willing to explore, and the bravery of Binoche to trust her to do it. Binoche’s character is slimy---an unethical doctor sentenced to a prison spaceship for her gut-churning experiments---but she’s not a traditional villain. Rather, she’s a creature who exists to fulfill her needs, in a ship full of such animals.

Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe in The Lighthouse

Two men, one a rule-abiding rookie and the other a rambling retired sailor, go mad together in a lighthouse. Pattinson plays the younger man, who seems to believe that good intent and staying on the straight and narrow will forgive him past sins. Dafoe is the wizened, tough-but-fair mentor---or at least so it seems at first. He’s actually as cracked and despotic as they come, leaving us with two unlikable people---one who reveals themselves as such and one who becomes so. It is impossible to separate one of these performances from the other. Witness the scene in which they use stories as verbal weapons. It is as sharp as any actual knife fight could ever be.

That’s all for part one; look for part two tomorrow. Or the next day. Sometime this week.

[myimaginarywonderland]

Okay, just my personal opinion.

I think it was inevitable that Seb would leave Ferrari. He wasn't happy with the team which is totally understandable and the team didn't treat him right. He made mistakes sure but he is still a four-times world champion. He is still passionate and involved in the sport. But Ferrari as a company decided that they want to prioritize the young, hyped driver that is probably a rising star. And for that they ignored Seb and what he could bring to a team.

Now, I don't blame Charles or anyone of the crew for this. It was a decision made by the team boss and the higher ups that I could understand. But when you clearly treat a driver that was basically the No. 1 the whole time as a number two, he is obviously not just going to accept it. He is going to try to be Number 1 again. But the problem is that Ferrari had already made up there minds and therefore it was settled. It was just a matter of time before Seb would leave the team that hasn't treated him like he deserved.

Now however, as all this is widely established, why would they even consider Daniel or Carlos? Daniel left Red bull because he didn't want to be second driver to Max and choose to go to a midfield team in order to not be that but still have a potential chance it winning. I would expect him to be focused on bringing Renault neat McLarens last year's performance and even near a top team in order to achieve his goal. And he isn't going to get his dream of being a world champion by being second fiddle to Charles. Now, what in my mind is even more unlikely would be Carlos going to Ferrari. Last year, he proved that he was a good driver who has the pace and ambition to win, even came 6th in the championship and had the best midfield car. Why would he give that away? I truly believe that McLaren will be a top team again as they seem to have found what they have been looking for the past years. The team is stronger than ever, going really well and so far not preferring any driver of the other. Both Carlos and Lando have a shot to prove themselves right now. And so far, he has. Now if he would perform so again and have the right car to win, one could assume that he would be the prioritized driver if it came down to it. (This is definitely thinking ahead but it's what a driver needs to do.) So why would he throw the chance away the potentially be the prioritized driver of a future winning team and just decide to settle for second? Because no one, who would come in at Ferrari would be the first driver. Even not when they are really close to Charles or even beat him. He is going to be their priority until 2024 at least and nothing will stop that. And to be honest, with all the backlash they got they couldn't afford to have a giant inner team rivalry or even a fight over the prioritized position. So choosing Daniel would not be wise and if he went it would be totally hypocritical and stupid of him because it would go against his decision and would clearly deny him the chance of ever being world champion. And choosing Carlos would not be safe and in my opinion again stupid of him to waste the opportunity he currently has.

So who would be safe? Someone who isn't a treat. Someone that people don't see becoming a world champion, probably let alone world class driver. Someone that would benefit the team as a helping hand. Someone like Antonio Giovinazzi who is already linked to Ferrari and doesn't pose a threat or someone like (and hear me out with these ones) Daniil Kyvat or Mick Schumacher.

So, the one with Dany seems far stretched but I heard that he has ties to Ferrari. He doesn't seem to have an actual shot in his current position, he's been with Toro Rosso (or AlphaTauri, whatever) a few seasons and has proven that he has pace. Sure, he might not be world champion material but that is exactly what Ferrari need. Someone who is good but not good enough for them to actually worry about. And I could see Dany at Ferrari giving it a shot (he has nothing to lose really).

Now, Mick Schumacher. This one isn't far stretched and certainly not unlikely. His name has Ferarri Legacy written all over it, it would draw attention to Ferrari, the right kind that they could need. He will not be like his father (and the people who compare him and his father annoy me to no end) but he could definitely be as useful to the team. He isn't in a position right now to be fighting for a championship but he could be the helping hand to get Ferrari a teams championship. What makes this to me however unlikely is the fact that they wouldn't just pull someone in Formula One without a season or some experience. However, Ferrari have really screwed themselves with this. They will maybe have half a season (any season seems for me unlikely looking at our current situation and it also would be highly dangerous but that is a talk for another post) and there won't be any time to test some new drivers out. But hey, they might if we have races give him a chance in free practice and see how he does. If he's half decent I could see them doing this far stretch.

But that is just my two cents on what could happen at Ferrari. For me, if anything they shoot themselves in the foot and have definitely screwed this up but it's not my problem. Thank God, I am not a Ferrari fan because this clownery would be too much for me. Sadly, I still adore Charles and wish him the best which really puts me in conflict as I am absolutely not ready to support Ferrari after this. (One another note, yes I am really petty if you couldn't tell)

Anyway, hope you're all doing well and taking care of yourself and sorry if you have read so far, this was just some rambling I needed to get off.

(Okay, I just had another suggestion but this is really crack-y : Valtteri Bottas. If you want me to elaborate this, then I will but I think nobody wants that)