#i really did not know what i signed up for when i went into bvs

[anon-pseudonym]

Devon Walker gave me mycoplasma genetalium

I’m up at 3am screaming crying with some of the worst pain my vagina has experienced, like top 3 & I’ve had an abortion. It all started with the mycoplasma.

Just talking about signs and symptoms first; I didn’t have any, till I was told about the infection contact. He called me on a Monday afternoon, told me he has this STI and I laughed- it sounded made up. I’m a public health girlie and I had never heard of this. Then he also told me he blocked me, and that his girlfriend was gonna reach out to me. That he had a lot of cleaning up to do

We have mutual friends; it’s how we met actually. I asked why it had to be like this, he said he had to “deal with his shit.” I said okay. A long time old friend of mine put me on, when I moved to New York last year and said I was looking to meet people. I was hesitant to reach out, knowing that he was a comedian, who are usually petty grimy people, and in an "open relationship". I mean comedians literally make a living off making fun of other people and themselves.

Anyways we started going out/hooking up in October, he said he didn’t know where his relationship stood and felt like things were changing since he was just cast on SNL. I had just gotten here, so I wanted to keep things casual, to which we did. It was never really anything serious, even though we both liked each other and things were amicable for the most part. Lots of teasing and banter. It quickly became a late-night thing, always fun, until he called me a few months ago and told me he tested positive for a strange STI, called mycoplasma genetalium, and that his girlfriend didn’t know about me and made him block me, and we couldn’t see each other anymore. I was in shock – and it took my body a good few hours to process it all.

The next day I went to his place to talk. I walked over & just showed up because we live within a half mile of each other, and I was pretty upset. Another very convenient part of what was an easy thing, but now feels too close to just shake off. He was shocked and appalled I had showed up, he honestly looked disgusting. Disheveled, confused, as if I had popped up with a strap or something about to pop some shit.

He told me to come back another time, he was busy, and another time never came. He offered a phone call, we talked, and he was straight up rude to me. I got no answers; how long have you even had this, what’s my risk since one time you took the condom off halfway through sex, and what’s my risk given we were having protected sex, not even that often? He was usually sweet to me, playful, touching, endearing. I don’t know what I had done to deserve this on the behalf of his lack of ability to communicate to women about what his relationship boundaries are. And I’m not just writing here about crossing just about boundaries – it gets worse.

I went to the doctor, they didn’t want to test be because they claimed mycoplasma is only transmitted through regular sexual partners. I said that was really the only reason I was here, since I was tested a few months ago & came back clean. The doc looked at my cervix, said it was heavily inflamed, and tested and treated me anyway. Honestly, I was wondering why my kitty felt so tight & also off since I had started seeing D back in October. The test came back positive after a week of two simultaneous of antibiotics I already had to take for the cervicitis & BV caused by myco. And then- the doc called me the morning after a long weekend, in a serious tone, and prescribed me a strong antibiotic with a black box warning to kill the infection.

This is what made me wonder how I even got it in the first place if it our sex was supposedly protected. This rare, hard to get infection that requires three antibiotics to kill it. Which made me realize: every time I saw him I was drunk. Not sure if it was my doing, but drinking was never not something he wanted to do. The last time I had seen him he poured me a glass half full of tequila. The time before that, I was so drunk I didn’t remember the sex the next morning. Was this my doing? Can’t say I don’t feel responsible for overindulging. These things are wildly ambiguous But either way, I have an eerie feeling I was stealthed.

One time, back right before the kiki palmer ep of SNL, I remember he took the condom off halfway (2/3 way) through sex. Before sex, I asked him if we could have unprotected, but he said “we shouldn’t… I really shouldn’t” – and so I did not push it. I said okay! But later, he proceeded to ask me if it was okay. I said yeah in the moment, regretted it & wanted to talk about it after, and he gave me no answers as to who he was sleeping with and what my risks are. He avoided me, beyond dodgy; just inconsiderate & unkind. He said all this when he told me about the mycoplasma again, said this info was “out of bounds.” As someone you’re having regular sex with, which I think he wanted to pretend like he wasn’t, I guess, how is knowing who you fuck out of bounds? especially when you chose to remove the rubber?

I didn’t see him for a minute after that but ended up seeing him again a few months later. From then on he enforced condoms, but I can’t help but think that the times I’ve been so drunk he could have stealthed me without my knowing. And how else would I get this rare infection, after all? And how many other women did he give it to?

Either way, the mycoplasma isn’t what hurts. Even though the doc said I had cervical symptoms, I was asymptomatic. It’s the antibiotics I had to take that came with a warning for tendinitis and nerve damage, to which symptoms i ended up experiencing. Of course, on top of that it’ll dry out your whole system and kill your microbiome. Just left me in a terrible place; emotionally and physically.

On day 7 of the antibiotics and I was suffering some of the most painful side effects ive ever felt vaginally. I went back to another GYN after a few nights of sheer agony, unable to sleep, barely able to walk or make it through the day. She said she was glad I came in because my skin was thinning in a scary way.

She said I would need to be reevaluated for an autoimmune disorder in a few weeks. That my skin flared up because of the infection, then the antibiotics. She said I could have a rare autoimmune disease that’s triggered by localized trauma. It could be anything – from arthritis to celiac, or something rarer. I’ve never seen my vagina look like this before in my life, patchy and losing color, wrinkly & painful.

The skin composition of my entire groin has changed after this whole experience. Not to mention the emotional triggers from my childhood and teenage sexual trauma and abuse. Difficulty using the bathroom on a daily basis. Deep, personal shame. While he gets to coast through shows, excursions, working things through with miss wifie. He gets to post his little adventures with his her, whole time I’m wondering, how much does she know? Why did he block me, but she didn’t? I just don’t understand how he can just move on and flaunt everything while I have to suffer the repercussions of his failure to be honest with me about his sexual health and relationship status.

So why would I write this all out, anonymously? Why would I want to hurt him? Ultimately I don't, but I just can’t let this go. I’m deeply affected by his carelessness – like it lead to me having a serious and deeply painful condition that’s taking me away from work, friends, and myself. I really, truly wish it was nothing. I almost wish he just never told me, and just ghosted me. But he did and the way he handled our entire "thing" just blew up for me in my life. I'm sure he thought he was being nice, by going about this the way he did, but are 'soft boys' and 'nice guys' ever actually nice? God I hate stupid men.

What I want is fair karma. He treated me like a used rag. What I want is to move on because this cut me deeper than I thought it could have. Hard to patch up this wound. How did I face the sharpest end of the sword, really? How did I get done this dirty, really? No explanations, barred and triggered from and by my friendships that were built before he ever came into the picture.

So I guess I’ll just say what I wanted the world to know, as I have been. Devon robbed me. He robbed me of my emotional sanity the past few months. Robbed me of a healthy hookup. Robbed me of feeling safe within a friendship. Robbed me of my ability to enjoy comedy. My ability to watch SNL again probably ever – which is honestly fine cus who even watches that shit anymore. Robbed me of my skin pigmentation and a healthy set of sex organs. Of my history of honestly in my casual sexual relationships. And I'm sure I'm not alone in this

Despite how bad I know he is, I’m still jealous of her - all the gifts he showered her with; having him in a way I could have never. She seems really sweet. I feel bad. But why should I? He really didn’t respect me. I was never going to reach out to her. I can’t keep secrets tho, and to me these are secrets that he’s hiding from her, and the world. My suffering. Their relationship is private, and I want to respect that. I really do. I mean for the longest time I have been respecting it, and her. It’s very difficult to do that though - to walk away from all this - when he showed me no respect at all. He made it clear he thought highly of me but didn’t live up to it. I’m beautiful and different. He doesn’t respect me at all; and I’ll tell you, as the other woman, I know she and I have plenty in common

So if he doesn’t respect me… why her? Is it her money, her daddy? He disrespected my asks for honesty and transparency sexually, and for amicable relationships with our mutual friends. He left me quite literally extremely high and dry. Beyond that- my body is sick. Instantaneously and chronically because of all of his mishandling

Really, who is he? Because I don’t know who I had relations with on and off for 8 months. I never ever knew when he was telling me the truth, about anything. I don’t know the person who triggered my body into an autoimmune freakout condition that is changing the state of my skin, and my sexual organs for good

[sonntam]

skrzek replied to: “[[MOR] I conceptually agree that mrvl and dc fans should not fight....”

batman is the only valid s*perh*ero

He is the least valid of them all and that is what makes him so relatable.

(And in recent DC movies he is such a mood. You can see that he just got out of a depressive episode and eats vegetables and what not. He is so positive! And life hits him hard and he is like “ok, I will just squeeze in another yoga class into my routine” and it will be fine.

It will likely not be fine, but he is such an inspiration.)

(And his usual fuck-up routine in comics is also a sight to behold.)

nanonadines replied to:“[[MOR] I conceptually agree that mrvl and dc fans should not fight....”

one day you can purge them all sis

[asnakewithwingsisadragon]

So. I’m gonna write about the Snydercut, because it’s very important to me, and it’s a story I felt like sharing. People who know us know we love the DCEU in general, and I (Fae) am a big fan of Snyder’s films. Good taste, bad taste, I don’t want to argue that right now. What I DO want to say is that I like that his movies have a vision, and have been a symbol of hope for me (I still don’t get why people say he’s THE grimDark movie director when Nolan is RIGHT THERE and he’s the reason why superhero movies are Like That nowadays).

anyways. As a neurodivergent, media is very important to me, and the DCEU in particular is something I’ve been invested in for a while. I was really excited to see where it went, I LOVED BvS, and I was really looking forward to the next chapter in the story Snyder wanted to tell. And then 2017 came along. And I almost died.

2017 was a terrible year for me, so much so that I’ve blocked almost every aspect of it from my mind. It was a very traumatic, hostile year, and my depression and anxiety were at an all-time high. I was not doing well. But, I told myself, I can’t die without having seen JL. It, along with New Mutants, became my reason for living, for hanging on, for waiting. And, well, then Whedon rolled along and ruined that for me.

When I say 2017′s JL almost killed me, I mean it. I lost all hope, all sense of wonder, all excitement for things I loved. And I havene’t fully recovered from that. It made me pessimistic, sad, came to sink me further into depression. Is it silly? Maybe. Did it mean a lot to me? Absolutely. 

So I really had no hope for what I saw last night. After 2017, I became cautiously optimistic about enjoying ANYTHING anymore, especially if it was tied to a corporation. Characters, storylines, things I loved, would be sacrificed for profit anyways (happened with War of the Spark, as well, but I handled that one a lot better). And then last night, I finally saw it: the movie I was promised in 2017, but that the studio decided we didn’t deserve.  And it made me oh, so glad that I stayed alive to see it. I don’t want to talk about the movie, but of what it meant to me. The catharsis of actually seeing the story I was promised, the message of hope that has made me love Snyder’s movies up to this point. People get better. We get up, we fight, we fall again. But we can’t do it if we don’t have hope, something to cling to, something to believe in. Last night, I saw my hope pay off. And it was wonderful. Like Bruce, I ran into this, both the movie and the 2020′s, on faith alone. And I want to take last night as a sign that hoping actually pays off. It amounts to something. So I want to hope. I want to believe in a better world, in a better version of things. And I want to believe we all can get there. That one day, we will all join our heroes in the sun.

[btsandvmin]

Hi I m a hardcore vmin shipper. But recently i watched a vkook video to compare and it was an analysis video in which they say that actually vkook are sharing a room in their new dorm and trying to hide it and it seemed very real and i have been very upset. There are lots of moments made sense like jk's henna tattoo in malta, v showing ILY symbol behind his back to sick JK on burn the stage, them sharing a room and even blanket in malta, Jk's dog being in making video of winter bear. I m confuse

I would to know the thoughts of a fellow vminie on this. Please do respond since i am literally breaking apart at the thought of vmin being just a cover for vkook.

Hi, I think you might be the same person who just sent me another similar ask about this, and I added the end of that ask which had one more thing that this ask didn’t. I hope that’s ok.

First of all I am sorry that you feel so sad about this… There is a certain emotional danger with getting too involved with shipping and especially seeing a ship as real in a romantic way, as it can set you up for a lot of struggle with your feelings about the members and their relationships.

Before anything else what I want to say is that Vmin’s bond is lovely and special and they truly love each other. Even if it’s platonic or even if they are together with someone else nothing is going to change that. That’s why the best thing to do if possible is to simply love them and support them without having a need for it to be something “more”. Especially since it’s unlikely we would ever find out even if a ship is real. So regarding the extra part of your question, namely “vmin being a cover for vkook” I really don’t see how that is possible or at the very least how that makes Vmin’s moments any less real.

Here’s my take on this issue, no matter which ships. If a ship is real I don’t think it makes sense to hide them by faking another gay ship. The only way I think this can to some extent be possible is if it comes from the members themselves and they for example do a lot of fanservice (which is still genuine) with all or many members to not make one person stand out. Even so I think the members do show that they do a lot of both genuine and more played up (but still on their own terms because they enjoy it) fanservice. Basically what I am saying is that even if a ship that isn’t Vmin is real it doesn’t make Vmin fake. They are not a cover up, they do the things they do because they enjoy it and they certainly love each other.

As for the part about tae/kook I know what analysis you are talking about even though it’s been a while since I watched them.

Nothing in any analysis I have ever seen has had anything we can call proof. Because even if all those things you mention are true the meaning behind those things is all just speculation. Who says Tae and JK can’t do these things platonically? Just like people argue about weird things for other ships, even if we can prove something has happened or is real, we can’t know if there is a romantic purpose or not. Like with the hand gesture (and tattoo of it), it could just be a platonic inside “joke” for example. Or a way to show support for each other. Like a secret language it could be special between them, but even so it still doesn’t have to be romantic. They also have their handshake which has the same gesture (ILY in sign language) and we have seen Taehyung teaching Jimin this. Also if it’s some sort of secret signal to JK, what’s the point if JK is turned away and can’t see it? Then it doesn’t even really count as a secret sign because JK can’t receive it. 

You have JK and Jimin doing the “You are me and I am you” which shippers see in one way but which easily just could be an inside joke. Likewise the hand sign could be something JK and Tae does, and maybe it is to show love and support, but does it have to be romantic? If all ships have weird things about them, how are we supposed to know what everything means? We can’t, which is why I think using the word “proof” which is kind of ridiculous to begin with. Who decides what is romantic or not? Only the individual shipper, which means it’s always going to be biased and remain a speculation until they actually say something (which they probably would never do).

As for the part about sharing a room I thought it was said that JK and Taehyung both sleeps in the living room, but with a wall between them, aka sharing room but not really? Which explains the same floor and saying they have rooms “next to each other” etc. It also seems recently that they might be spending less time in the dorm in general. But to be fair as I said I have not watched any shipping analysis in a while so there might be more proof of them sharing and hiding it. Who knows. But even if they do sleep in the same room (a claim basically all shippers try to add to their ship) again it doesn’t have to be romantic. BTS could simply be that close and like to be that close but choses to keep it lowkey, perhaps because of the shippers. I mean, Jimin, JK and Tae all slept basically naked together on Jimin’s first day in the dorm, I am sure they are way beyond what most people see as normal boundaries by this point.

Also when it comes to sharing rooms people really seem to magically ignore Vmin who has many times showed that they like and want to share a room. Just look at Bon Voyage. If you say JK and Tae sharing in Malta and using the same blanket was a big deal, what makes it different to what Vmin did now in BV4?

In Malta there are 3 reasons I believe Vmin truly wanted to share a room. First, Jimin is excited and interested in where Tae will end up even before he gets there. Second when Tae arrives he asks about the rooms and tries to find clues and Jimin spills some beans by far being the most invested in Taehyung’s room situation, Jimin also asks if Tae wants to share with him. And third they say it straight out and it looks very genuine to me. The reason Tae went to JK’s room at least to me looks like it’s because he misinterpreted Jimin.

Because I think if they both knew they wanted to share then Tae probably assumed that when Jimin said “you can’t look” about the room upstairs he was trying to stop Tae from picking that room because Jimin wasn’t in it. Basically I think Jimin screwed over himself and made Tae believe the upper floor couldn’t be Jimin’s. I really don’t think they are that good actors to fake the interest at several points during the trip and that whole choosing room moment just to cover for Tae/kook. Not to mention how glued together they were. So at least to me I don’t doubt that they really wanted to share. Why make that up? If there was no problem with Tae/kook sharing the whole part with Vmin messing around just becomes unnecessary.

On top of that we have Vmin actually confirming sharing a hotel room as late as march 2017 (though they didn’t show it initially but fans noticed Tae’s slipper in a Jimin tweet) and we have Tae telling us about going to sleep with Jimin when he had a bad dream. He seems very consistent with his lie of preferring to share a room with Jimin, which makes me think it’s not a lie. 

In fact, once we start doubting everything the boys say and do as fake or covering up then basically everything can be fake or a cover up. Then the ILY sign can be done just to confuse people into thinking Tae/kook is real etc. You see the problem? All ships have weird moments, but they mostly become weird because people assume they are romantic and that they are hiding because they are together, which they don’t have to be. There could be other reasons behind the things they do and I don’t want to question every little thing they do and not trust them when they say something. For me if they are lying to us I think it makes more sense to not tell us things rather than fake and make up things that they probably wouldn’t be able to fake and keep track of.

In the recent season of BV Vmin also slept together three times, and I think that’s what they wanted as Tae picks the bunk bed knowing Jimin had picked the one under when he could have chosen the same room as JK. Same in the last house, they didn’t have to share because the order wasn’t for who they were with but simply in what order they would get to pick. If Jimin picked a room then Tae could have picked another one. In both cases Vmin also slept very close and shared blankets. So maybe it’s just not a big deal for maknae line in general?

Vmin has shared a room at times when they didn’t have to by choice so I think if we look at things we know and not at what people speculate about there is a good case to be made for Vmin really liking to share rooms. In fact they are some of few members in general that has said that they want to share with a specific person. Also in the Canada episode when they all end up in the same room then why is JK so incredibly happy about getting to share with Jin? Or JK sharing with Hobi and basically cuddling doesn’t mean anything, but Tae and JK sharing a blanket does? To me I think it’s because when so many people say it and see it, and when it looks “suspicious”, it creates room for such a narrative. But when it comes to Tae/kook in general, even though I don’t know of course, it always seemed to me that Tae has favored Jimin above JK in various ways, and that’s not something I think they would be able to fake, especially not for many many years.

As for the last one about the Winter Bear MV and Gureum possibly being the dog, I say possibly because I am not 100% it is the same dog, they were at the same location as for their Summer package, so even so it wouldn’t be weird if another member came along.

But as for the dog the reason I am unsure it even is that dog is because the snout seem much longer on the dog in the Winter Bear making. It honestly looks like a different kind of breed both in body shape, nose shape, ears and type of fur. But it is difficult to tell because of the angles and also because the pictures are old and Gureum could have gotten fatter or gotten his fur trimmed etc.

Either way, again, why does this indicate romance between V/kook? For me Taehyung’s behaviour towards Jimin is the biggest reason I think about Vmin being possible and that’s also one of the reasons why Tae/kook always have made the least sense out of the three maknae line ships.

All this being said, who knows. I don’t think you should put too much focus and hope into any ship being real but rather enjoy their bonds and be open to whatever could be the truth.

95z is love, that’s real no matter what. Love isn’t a competition where we as fans place our bets on the most likely romance like it’s some sort of fanfiction or drama. All we can do is support our boys and whomever they may choose to love. I want to point out again that this is not a blog to prove Vmin, but that I do find things about them odd or suspicious at times, but the same can be said about other ships too, so I’m not going to tell you Tae/kook is impossible, because it isn’t. Personally I think it’s less likely than Vmin, but I know I can be wrong and that’s fine.

I don’t know if this post will bring any comfort, but I want to try and be as honest as I can. Hope you can feel better and love Vmin no matter what.

Thank you everyone who read this and don’t get disappointed or angry with me. 95z is love!

[riley1cannon]

I am glad you are enjoying the Superbat questions. I am too. :) Bringing in some angst. What was their worst fight about? How long did it last? How did they make up? Who apologized first?

I am always up for some fictional angst! :) This was a hard one because I hate them fighting. It’s good to step out of the fluffy zone now and then, however.

After much consideration I am going with my first gut reaction when I read this. Clark didn’t like the way Bruce handled something. It wasn’t BvS level Batman going too far, but it was enough for him to wade in and stop it, and remind Bruce that they’re supposed to be the good guys. Bruce told him to stay out of it, to mind his own business (only in much more blunt language), because what Clark didn’t know--because Bruce hadn’t told him--was that one of the kids was in danger. They were being held hostage by the Joker, and Bruce believed him when Joker said he’d know if Batman brought any of his super friends in to help. 

A desperate Bruce does get there in time. Just barely. It’s not a repeat of what happened to Jason, but still enough to give Bruce nightmares, and to go over and over what might have happened. For him it all comes down to Clark getting in the way. Not even Alfred can get him to budge on that.

When Clark comes to him, Bruce refuses to see him. Alfred explains what happened. Clark refuses to be turned away now and tracks Bruce down in the Cave. His intentions might be good but it’s the wrong time. Bruce starts with, “What part of you’re not wanted here don’t you understand?” and it only gets worse. 

They both go too far, say too much, words that can’t be taken back, that--to Bruce especially--starkly spell out why they should not be together; why they should have never tried.

“We’re through,” Bruce says, nothing but ice in his voice, in his eyes.

His heart breaking, desperate to fix this but not knowing how, Clark can only agree, and hope that maybe someday they can work it out.

The stalemate lasts a long time. Weeks turn into months, and although Dick drops by now and then to encourage him not to give up, Clark can feel those faint embers of hope growing cold. He’s started to wonder if Bruce may have been right. Maybe they weren’t meant to be together. They’re so different. As Bruce pointed out so brutally, Clark’s not even human...

Meanwhile over in Gotham, Bruce is nursing regrets. He knows he went too far. He knows Clark only wanted to help. Worse, he knows that Clark could have--if Bruce had only told him what was going on. But it’s too late. What’s been said cannot be unsaid. Bridges burned and all that. He does his best to convince himself it really is better this way. 

And then one night, chasing down Scarecrow, he’s hit by a blast of fear toxin. Overriding every other image, even more powerful than reliving the murder of his parents, is a vision of Clark dying, of Luthor and Metallo and Doomsday all ganging up on him, and it’s Bruce’s fault. If he’d been there, if Clark hadn’t had to face them alone...

Next day at the Daily Planet, Clark receives a text  from Dick: Have intel Intergang’s up to hijinks. Meet me at the waterfront tonight at 9. 

He gives a specific address which puzzles Clark, because that’s a fairly ritzy part of the waterfront. Not where he’d expect to find Bruno Mannheim. Still, he goes along at the specified time. There’s no sign of Dick or Nightwing. There is a table for two set up--and a yacht. He recognizes the yacht. He also recognizes the man seated at the table, although he doesn’t know what to make of this development and proceeds with caution.

“No Intergang hijinks, I take it?”

“No,” says Bruce, also awkward and cautious.

Long, uncomfortable pause, then Clark asks, “What’s supposed to happen now?”

Bruce shrugs, with every outward appearance of not caring in the least. This, in fact, is the first thing that makes Clark start to relax. “You sit down. We eat. Alfred fixed your favorites.”

A long-suffering, British sigh somewhere in the background.

Clark sits. They eat. The tension starts to ebb. Now what? they’re both wondering. 

It takes another nudge from Alfred, but Bruce starts to talk, tells Clark the bare bones version of what happened. “I...had to be sure you were all right.”

“And now you have?”

Another nudge. “You want an apology?” Bruce says, all gruff and grumbly.

“I want you,” Clark says, just like that.

“Still?”

“Always.”

Bruce doesn’t know what to do with that. “You make this too easy.”

Clark shrugs. “I love you.”

Bruce absolutely does not know what to do with that. He gets up, paces away. Clark really doesn’t know what’s happening now. Starts to get up. Alfred puts a hand on his shoulder, gives him a look: Wait.

He waits. Bruce comes back. Starts in, “I wasn’t wrong. You are a Boy Scout with a naive sense of right and wrong. But you weren’t wrong, either,” he plows on before Clark can interrupt. “I can go too far without someone to call me on it. That’s one of the reasons we do work.”

Clark, not at all sure where this is going ventures, “We’re better together than we are apart?”

Bruce shrugs, not at all sure of himself or comfortable with being this exposed. “If you want to put it that way.”

Clark stands now, faces him. “Do you want to put it that way?”

Bruce wants to run away, preferably with Clark, but knows they have to get past this first. He struggles with it, but gets it out. “Yes. Yes, I do. Now can this be over?”

And because he does know how hard this is for Bruce, Clark says yes.

Then, “So what’s the yacht for?”

It was a whim, Bruce says, trying to make light of it.

Really? Not because Bruce remembered this was the anniversary of that other cruise, the one where they had to share a cramped cabin, the one that started it all?

Well, Bruce allows, that might have crossed his mind...

[the-real-xmonster]

(Probably) Last Mass Post on Olympic Technicals

I saw a GIF of Nathan's 3A from his Oly FS. Has he gone back to the toe-pick release, from the skid that Raf was teaching him? (Can't seem to link GIF, sorry! But the Olympic Channel has his FS.)

This is the moment I realized, with mild horror, that I’ve forgotten to DVR any of Nathan’s performances at the OG. And my current Internet connection is so crappy I can’t even get the Olympic channel video to play in full HD. But, yes, I also remember noticing that he went back to the toe pick takeoff for his 3A in the FS. Probably because the skid takeoff sure didn’t work out that well for him in that competition. Let’s wait and see what he chooses to do at Worlds this week.

Hi, I really appreciate your posts! You've made figure skating so much easier to understand with your gifs and explanations. I was wondering something, if you don't mind answering, and it was in concerns to step sequences. I remember hearing somewhere that Nathan Chen got a level 4 during his Long Program at the Olympics while Yuzuru got a level 3? If true, why is that? It doesn't seem like Nathan's is more complex at all. Thank you in advance for reading this inquiry --- @mystictrillium

Hi, it’s true that Nathan got a level 4 for his FS StSq at the OG and Yuzu got a level 3, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that Nathan’s StSq was more complex than Yuzu’s. Yuzu’s planned technical content for the Seimei StSq is highly difficult (more details here) and should be more than enough to earn him the maximum level if everything is executed correctly. The reason why Yuzu lost a level at the OG was because of one mistake that happened to occur during a turn, which, under ISU rules, was crucial for level evaluation purpose. I’ve discussed this here, in case you are interested in the technical details. 

Hi Alice! I was wondering, if Yuzuru got a Lv4 on the last spin of his SP from the Olympics (same GOE) would he have broken the WR?

No, a level 4 spin wouldn’t have been enough. He was 1.05 points away from a new WR. The difference between Base Value of a level 3 and a level 4 combination spin is only 0.50 points, and there is no difference in their Scale of Value, so Yuzu wouldn’t have got any extra GOE if he had received a level 4 for that last spin either. He, in fact, received higher GOE for that spin at the OG compared to at Autumn Classic. Well deserved, I’d say, not least because I love that variation he did for the A-spin when he placed his hand flat on his back instead of on his knee as usual:

(Aside from being pretty, this variation also affected his balance and actually made the spin harder to execute. But of course when you are Yuzuru Hanyu, judges hold you to an apparently much higher standard so, despite added difficulty and whatnot, if you miss your rotation by a hair’s breadth, you lose a level, no negotiation allowed).

Hi Alice! This ask is regarding spin. I understand Hanyu got only Lv3 on his last spin for SP for lacking rotation. But then Shoma Uno in his FS' FCCoSp, if I am not mistaken, lacked rotations on both his camel and upright position. So,,, why was that still counted as a lv4 spin? That's 2 basic position lacking rotations. I know counting spin is not my forte, but did I really make that big of a mistake there? Thanks! (also, if it's going to unleash the you-know-what, feel free to not answer)

No I don’t think you are mistaken about Shoma’s spin. At least if you count spin revolutions the same way I do. For a basic camel position, I count from the moment both the skater’s spinning knee and free leg are fully straightened, I stop counting when they start bending their knee to move to the subsequent position:

For a basic upright position, I’d count from when their body is fully upright (duh) and the spinning knee also fully straightened, same principle as camel spin for when to stop:

So, from how I see it, neither of those positions Shoma had was held for 2 full revolutions. As to why the tech panel didn’t invalidate his spin or give him a V sign at least, your guess is as good as mine.

In case anyone is curious, this is how I count the revolutions for Yuzu’s inside to outside edge feature: start when his blade is completely outside, stop when his blade is completely flat:

I remember Shoma said that if he had landed the 4Lo, he could have higher chance of winning, and Yuzuru replied that even if Shoma did land the 4Lo, Yuzu would still have won. Could you calculate/ explain this please?

Wait, when/where did this conversation happen? Just asking because it sounds very out of character for both of them.

But, well, the calculation is not hard to do. The final margin between Yuzu and Shoma was 10.95 points. Shoma got a total of 8.00 points for his 4Lo (fall), if he had landed the jump, and landed it perfectly so that he received the maximum GOE for it (which has never happened, mind you), his total point for that element would have been 12 in BV + 3 GOE = 15 points. So that’s 7 points added to his TES. Now you can also tell me that the fall on the 4Lo affected his PCS, so if it hadn’t happened his PCS would also have gone up, but it order to even the gap with Yuzu, Shoma would need an extra 3.95 points in PCS, which would mean a total PCS of 96.67. Considering that his personal best PCS in international competition is (I think) 94.42 at WC17, 96.67 is extremely unlikely.

So, the summary is, even if Shoma had landed his 4Lo, Yuzu would still have won.  

Hi Alice, I have a question about commentators, do you know who were the commentators for the official Olympic broadcast (the ones with the phrase 'liquid gold'😍)? They seemed so lovely and I could hear them clapping after Yuzu's fs, which was just heart warming.     

The female commentator (she of the “liquid gold” comment) is Belinda Noonan, former Australian national champion. Thanks to @chibura for the info :) I’m not sure who her partner was. Does anybody have a clue?

Hi Alice! Hope you're doing fine. I've heard people saying a lot that Javi should have got silver instead of Shoma. I haven't watched yet Javi's performance but I've seen a fancam of Shoma's and I've checked their protocols. Shoma's technique is flawed, that much we know, but there were a couple of jumps that were pretty nice. Javi has like 5 points advantage over Shoma in PCS but he popped that 4S and lost a level in one of the spins (besides less one quad). What do you think? Thanks :) --- @puniyo    

I also think the Silver should have gone to Javi, mostly because in the FS, Shoma’s 4Lo was clearly under-rotated and he shouldn’t have got the full BV for it. His 4T was borderline UR as well (more details on his 4Lo and 4T here), and as you see above, his flying combination spin was also dubious. Considering the very thin margin between him and Javi, any of those mistakes, if called by the tech panel, could have resulted in a different final standing.  

Please excuse me if this question seems silly, but I have not understood fs enough to withstand a debate, that's why I really need your help. I saw on an ask page someone raising questions about Yuzu's 4T in Chopin, so aside from the argument that 4T has an inherent degree of prerotations, how else can I prove that his 4T was not UR? And while Kurt said that it was not quite the 'perfect' landing, how would you describe that landing on average? Thanks a ton            

I think you’ve got PR and UR mixed up there :) PR is about whether or not the skater rotates on ice before the takeoff, where as UR is about whether they do that after they land.

So it’s true that a toe loop always has some degrees of PR inherent in it, more than most of the other jump types, because of the way the skater's hip is completely open to the rotational direction. Here’s Yuzu’s 4T takeoff in his SP:

You see there, with the way this jump works (left leg swinging behind for the pick), a skater can’t help but point their toe at an angle for the takeoff, and that’s what causing the inherent pre-rotation. However in Yuzu’s case, he picked and then left the ice with minimal timing delay, so his blade was fully off ice at no more than 90 degrees of PR, which made his takeoff completely valid in scoring terms (in order for a takeoff to be called “cheated”, it has to be done with 180 degrees of PR or more).

As for the landing of that jump, no, it wasn’t perfect. It was slightly under-rotated:

See how he clearly did have to finish his last rotation on ice? It was not called by the technical panel, likely because they deemed the lack of rotation not enough for a call (less than a quarter), but it was reflected somewhat in his GOE. 4 judges out of 9 gave him +2 only for that combo. With him hitting almost, if not all, of the 8 positive GOE bullets for that combo, a +2 can only be justified by the judges taking into consideration the mandatory deduction of -1 for the UR (yes, judges are allowed to, and are supposed to, deduct GOE for jumps lacking rotation even if there is no call from the tech panel).

Here’s how a perfect 4T landing looks, from Yuzu’s FS :)

(Straight up +3 for this one)

Hi Alice! I was wondering on yuzu’s SP (and really the FS as well tbh) when he was jumping his 4T-3T the foot picking the ice as he was jumping wasn’t his usual ‘quick hitting motion’ as I think you put it. Do you think it’s just bc he hadn’t been training his quads until 2 weeks before and he was just getting used to it or it could be something else?        

He did put a bit more pressure on the ball of his picking foot for the takeoff of that 4T (as you can see in that gif above), and same goes for his (planned) solo 4T in the FS.

I think it had to do with his right ankle not in its best shape: for a toe loop takeoff, while the majority of the push comes from your picking left foot, you do need to use your right foot’s ankle and knee to stabilize the takeoff. If you have some nagging unease in your mind about your right foot, it can lead to you taking a split second more to fully stabilize the takeoff, and therefore, a split second more of your toe pick being kept on the ice.

Or, he was actually altering his takeoff in that manner as a way to put a certain limit on the size of his toe loop so that it is easier to control, also because he was worrying about his right foot, which plays a crucial role in the landing. This alternative theory of mine came up because I noticed that in the second 4T he did in the FS, he used the usual fast takeoff and ended up with that step out:

For what it’s worth, his subsequent triple toe loop takeoffs in combos were all picture perfect though, as usual :)

[kado-maschine]

How to be alone?

Everyone has problems right? Those who don't, either don't understand what the term problem means, or they are inanimate matter, but even inanimate matter has problems too because of entropy.

Anyhow, my scariest bogeyman is that at best I can't make a relationship work, and at worst I even avoid the chance of having one. Why? If I want to put it simply, fuck knows. Thing is that I'm not gonna put it simple this time, as what I have learned from fake news propagated by Russian troll armies is that everything that is simple, sensational and easy to understand is not very productive apart from having the intention to muddy the waters and serve a very select few by doing so.

Since my interest is to clarify things for my own good (and maybe help or at least entertain others), truth is the name of the game with this writing (whatever it turns out to be). If there will be no other benefits, at least I’m going to be  able to cross off the mental task off my imaginary to do list.

One day, after having a rather enjoyable horse at the vet sensation, as I went to bed I had the same sensation that I was having as a child on countless occasions when I couldn't sleep or woke up randomly during the night. The bed, the sheets and most importantly the pillows felt like they are made some rigid, abrasive material, that is also disgusting. It felt like being embraced by disgust and bitterness. Normally my bed and I are best buddies, I love to sleep and I had no problem falling asleep on a beam bag in the middle of the office, during business hours. The chemistry was also supposed to help, not to deteriorate. Fast forward a few weeks while sitting on the bed and drinking a cuba made of free rum and overpriced PEPSI from the hotel's mini fridge I'm trying to figure out, when and why was I having problems with sleep before and when was I sleeping like a baby and why. In recent history, since my memory is one very slippery slope, the answer is a no, a no regarding detectable issues with my sleep. It is a no, as long as all the nights spent with gaming, night shifts or digging through obscure forums to find a track in a mix somewhere between minute 53 and 57 are not considered. Reflecting on the whole experience described above, I must have had trouble sleeping when I was a really small child and I was missing a lot. As I was growing up things got gradually better. By the time I was in high school the wardrobe have been conquered and turned into my gaming nest. The gaming room hosted my first gaming pc that I built piece by piece from a shitty Athlon that dad got screwed over by some "friend" and beloved games that kept me glued to the screen for hours on end. After the PC came my first car, job, girlfriend and slowly but surely as I moved away from my parents my own life really started to take shape. I have slept better and better. Now, armed with a mortgage, with two cars that possibly cost as much put together as a front bumper for a brand new BMW M3, two cats who are by far not the smartest but they keep me company and are cute af, two bicycles, a bunch of computers and a job that I'm grateful to have and one that fits my questionable attitude towards work, I yet again arrived to the point where the quality of my sleep is degrading faster than a space capsule entering the atmosphere, despite all the the things listed above were part of what I was dreaming of as a child and teenager/student.

Despite all of these, I'm oscillating between two states when it comes to sleep. One is the depression sleep, after taking a long hard look at my backlog that reaches to the Moon and back at least five times, taking a nap seems to be the only viable option, or multiple naps, or a humongous sleep where the only thing that can get me out of bed is the need to pee. The other one is the let's try to solve all of my problems in a purely theoretical manner, right before sleep, going over the same problems over and over, while making wild conspiracy theories about myself, because of the purely hypothetical setting. This mental kung-fu under some circumstances can turn into the above mentioned “being embraced by disgust” thing. How did I get here?

I've seen people being happier while having a lot less. What is that they have and I do not possess? Intimacy, I guess by the power of exclusion. Of course I could just short this whole thing before it gets off the ground, as a self-proclaimed good capitalist. I could say that If I can make enough money, someone will fake it for me for the financial benefit and as long as this someone does the thing right and tricks to my brain, I couldn't give less a of a fuck, or could I? Anyhow, with my current work ethic of extracting as much resources as possible form as little invested work as possible puts a cap on my earnings that limits my financial possibilities to roadside STD intimacy. Shut up! - screams the humanist from somewhere between repressed emotions and avoided social responsibilities. You have to make things work, otherwise you're just treating the symptoms, but the root cause remains and will re-surface over and over again - he continues. Now, call me Susan and you know the rest...  A multitude of attempts were made to solve this mess, so I kept failing in various ways. Yes, my now my mantra is "failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, success, failure, failure, success". Despite this attitude, one can only take so many failures before feeling exhausted and gets worse at the task on hand because of said tiredness and fails even more. People also tend to tell me that I need to learn to be happy alone. Please, shut the fuck up. Despite my shitposting, which i find genuinely funny, good and somewhat toxic way of escapism, I can be happy when I'm alone. Just to bring one example to the table, the road to this very hotel room where I'm writing this whatever right now, took me through one of the twistiest mountain passes that gets you outside of the Carpathian basin, the road goes through the city of Cheia (BV) and it has dozens upon dozens of hairpins one after another and miles upon miles of narrow, twisty roads with a bunch of elevation changes. My right foot just couldn’t care about fuel consumption. With my tires squealing in almost every corner and I was laughing loudly in the car, spanking the dash and shouting "ohh yea" while I could let the steering wheel loose for a few seconds. Dancing alone in the living room when the track of the week or month hits out of the blue, or when the right people at the right party are found to have "deep" conversations about whatever stupid topics that our brain soaking in whatever cocktail finds to be fit for purpose. The thing is, if one spent somewhere in the neighbourhood of six years trying all the gizmos and distractions of the modern society to make him or herself be happy without intimacy and succeeded to some extent, but at the same time realized that hundreds of thousands of years of evolutional biology and al the workflows tied into it cannot be cheated in a lifespan, what are the limits for being happy alone?

I have reached a point where the things that cause me unconditional pleasure are getting very complicated, time consuming, expensive or dangerous, like buying car parts, pushing transportation devices to their limits, gambling with bs crypto currencies or trying to learn skills with a heck of a learning curve, not to mention experimenting with chemically induced changes in my brain activity. I have also reached a point where it gets harder and harder to trick my biology. The ape says reproduce, while this in the modern era where global warming is prevalent and innocent eyed orphans  are making t-shirts in Bangladesh for next to nothing in a sweatshop, while China’s rivers deliver more plastic to the oceans than water kind world makes no sense. I could  at least fool the ape with just having someone around and occasionally making love or engaging in other forms of intimacy. At least the thresholds would be closer and it would be a lot simpler to fool the inner ape and the hormone levels wouldn't need to filled up with lies that much. Besides the raw biological teardown, having someone around as a partner where the positive interactions outweigh the negative ones could be the basis of a symbiosis between two humans.

If some intimacy / sex / company would help, why I’m not having any? - the question poses. In theory, the ins and outs have been mapped out. It all started, as it mostly does, during childhood. The marriage of my parents went totally south when my sister was born and I had 4 years, so my long term memory just started working. This meant that my memory had no part of seeing a single act of intimacy of my primary caregivers towards each other, just shouting, aside from my grandmother and my favourite aunt giving me a hug sometimes. It was a real battle zone where a few hours without shouting were far and few between. This and a lot of other shit that my parents were haunted by, courtesy of their own pasts gave me exactly zero knowledge on how to read woman. I’m basically fucking blind. Even if I was any good at maths I would loose count of the occasions when someone told me, “Look at that girl / woman, how she’s looking at us / you” and I had to ask where to look, in terms of general direction, not to mention the ability to pick up small signs. How do I see the sign, if a year or so have passed since we ’been together and I didn’t know the eye colour of my first girlfriend. Sounds surprising right? Well, when batshit crazy is considered normal for the first 20 years of your life, climbing out of that perspective has quite a learning curve. If that learning curve weren’t damn steep enough as is, add a stupid decision to it, and be very disciplined about that stupid decision for years, and the shitstorm will be near perfect. But I come back to the near perfection of the shitstorm in a bit.

First of all, how about that first girlfriend and the stupid decision? I think I might have been 18yo when I had my first kiss and I was 19yo when I met my first girlfriend. I would have never ended up her boyfriend if I wasn’t drunk on a particular party and were just kissed by another girl who was into me boosting my morale, the cherry on the top of the cake being that I knew from a friend of my sister that my would be ex was into me. All these factors played into the hand of a relationship that lasted two and a half years and could have been a major leaping stone for me. She looked gorgeous and a chemistry was spot on. We learned things together and I learned how and where and when to touch a woman. Since I was still in the grasp of the narrow conservative (small rural town, what do you expect?) mindset I did and said a bunch of things I’m not proud of. Hopefully she learnt more from those lessons as much as I did or even more. So, why wasn’t this relationship the bridge between my loneliness and the ability to have functioning relationships? Why instead of being a leaping stone I stumbled and fell into a ditch head first?

When it ended, the feeling was so shitty, that the most logical conclusion to my very simplistic mind was to avoid feeling like that again altogether, therefore becoming cold and distant become the primary guidelines. Six years of loneliness ensued. Going without sex, kissing anyone or hugging could be easily measured in moths or even a year. Months have passed between occasional one night stands, where the hunter was determined or drunk enough to not to care about my cluelessness, or the hunted was drunk enough to not to be totally unapproachable or clueless or both. Even if they were looking to turn the one night stand into multiple nights or maybe a relationship, due to the long stretches of loneliness and due to the weird sexual expectations that arose during said long stretches of nothingness, I felt so weird and ashamed of myself, that I turned down further invitations and couldn’t bring myself to talk to them. Basically, from their perspective, I had sex with them, than I disappeared in the ether. I have managed to show myself in a successful a-hole kind a way, while I felt like the most unlucky, ugly and talentless piece of shit (now that’s what I call “an achievement”).

Despite the fact that I found myself highly repulsive for a long time, hiding behind sunglasses and foundation I had enough self confidence to let woman try. And boy oh boy, they did try. Those who were more desperate were more determined, while those who had multiple choices open had a look, maybe had some fun and than left seeing the vast cluster of insecurities behind the sketchy façade that looked enticing from a distance, but fell apart upon closer inspection. People told me that I was good looking and I should have a girlfriend and I truly believed for years that they were only saying this to save face. Now, looking back, I’m starting to realize that I’m not ugly, I might even be good looking by some metrics. This realization came as the memory lane of old pictures was revisited again and again. Upon closer inspection all the woman around me, hugging me, giving me kisses on photos became evident. It is one thing that I couldn’t capitalize on any of that, but I realized, how lucky am I that genetics favoured me. Elsewise, if the gene pool wouldn’t have been kind to me at least in this department, I would be the most neglected man, considering my social and dating skills. Or the lack thereof, to be more precise. One thing to be grateful for.

Before this realization occurred, I shit you not, I had to realize first, that the policy I applied after I broke up with my first girlfriend was seriously affecting me. It was like one of those cases, when a temporary workaround is put in place for something, everyone forgets about it, than it causes a major shitstorm in the long run when something breaks down the line, messing up a forgotten but needed dependency. Before this realization life went by casually in a perfect state of cognitive dissonance, by not willing to open up for anyone, not willing to pay attention to anyone’s feelings and yet craving intimacy and blaming the world for not providing any.

So ok, during the time it took for the realization to kick in some amazing woman drifted away. ”What do you do now, you dumb fucking bitch?” - asks one part of the brain. “Well, you stand up, use less swearwords, or edit them out later and keep moving on hoping that each failure at least landed some useful experience points that can be used as a solid base for improvement.” - says the other. So this is how the journey of relationship 101 and emotion handling begun.

Phase 1. Trying to establish a relationship, but being emotionally unavailable.

There’s was a girl who added me on facebook after after a party and somehow I managed to puzzle the picture together. She was there, she saw me playing music, she liked me and she tried to reach out. We have started talking, we have started going out and we kept going out without me doing any advances for 3 moths, when she finally had enough and invited me over to her place to watch Narcos. That night was followed by a relationship that lasted approx two months when she kicked me out, calling me insensitive and unable to care for her emotionally. She was totally right.

Moving on, I drop a comment on some meme posted by one of the girls I met at the University a few years ago. She replies to my comment, I reply to hers, the discussion moves to chat. After a couple of days she tells me that she is coming home from abroad and we shall meet. I agree. The meeting happens, other things happen, we get along really well, meet two more times and consider ourselves to be in a long distance relationship. She’s very enthusiastic, wants to communicate with me, she’s being cute and I’m still 100% emotionally unavailable. When I finally decide to visit her, after dragging the topic for months, she cuts me loose. Rightfully so. Off course, I delete her from social media, and decide that whatever, I’ll make enough money so someone will stay with me for that, even if I’m an emotional iceberg laced with titanium (un-fucking-penetrable). What an utterly crappy response to being rejected, says captain hindsight.

Phase 2. Overflow.

Next up, wasted on party (but in a mildly good way) and another girl who remembers me from a festival that took place years ago initiates a conversation and I end up hanging out with her and all of her girlfriends. We party, we talk, we decide to go to an after at their place. Due to administrative reasons when I get there only one of them is there, so we start talking. Meanwhile people are arriving, chemicals are wearing off and kicking in, dynamics change. Finally everyone gives in and we sleep together. The next day (because the next days always counts from the moment when you wake up) we talk, have a long walk, I unload a mental excel of pros and cons about myself to her since honesty can only be good (later on my psychologist tells me the contrary, since what I do is scary and things should be let to unravel by themselves) and I leave town.  After my short city break is over we decide to meet and she’s over at my place before I could blink. We start hanging out more and more. Even If I have the tendency to make the same mistakes over and over again, just to be sure that they are mistakes and I have mastered the recipe, this time I knew that I have to open myself up. The theoretical part was ok, as the plan was to move slowly and open myself up step by step over an extended period of time.  Unfortunately the gap between theory and practice sometimes can accommodate a few light years in between, so all of the emotions that I managed to bottle up over the years managed to get out after only a few careful steps. She had her own problems, I had mine and they didn’t make a good combination, but a rather unfortunate one. Disregarding the fact that I have tried to invest emotionally, I still couldn’t care for her emotional needs. The whole thing blew up in my face, basically. Being blind to anything that is less obvious than she suddenly turning to me in the middle of the night and saying, “I have to go home”,  and having the alarm of something is not right going off is not the hallmark of being ready for a relationship. Another part of the lecture was that revealing rating systems to woman about woman is a double edged ice cream that mostly licks back instead of being licked. For those who don’t view the world from an engineering / mathematical (call it as you fancy) perspective, there are people out there who measure and categorize everything. This in a relation means that the relevant parameters like, looks, intelligence (or the lack thereof), like mindedness, biological match, size of the cultural gap (if applies), financial and social situation are all measured on a scale and the weighted average tells if the other person is a match or not, and how good a match it is. Unfolding this information in my situation turned out to be a major no-no. Based on the very narrow sample, I was convinced that this is how it is and I should never again reveal my rating system ever again. Luckily, lately a friend of mine told me that his girlfriend appreciated this kind of approach, so the analytics based way of thinking is not my mental dead end, only it has to be used after a lot of observation and in the right situation with the right people as the “target audience” seems to be quite small. By the time we got to the point of me revealing my rating system, red flags were flying all over. Thing is red flags are easy to miss even with experience not to mention barely having any. When you add that up to the fact that you need a planetary alignment that occurs every 5000 years to be able to get close to someone, you also finally manage to let your guard down and you know that giving up on things is generally considered bad and dedication is king, those red flags are rendered inexistent in the quantum soup of thoughts. All of the above combined leads to the materialization of one very specific dynamic in attachment theory, where the anxious one is trying to get closer and to invest more in general, while the avoidant is getting further and further away, creating a situation where both feel frustrated. Fast forward a little (as the whole thing lasted two months), she cuts me loose and I have no clue how to deal with the tsunami of the emotions that are now very much on the surface and the pink cloud that acted as a distraction is gone and the withdrawal starts to kick in. A downward spiral begins that ends with being so desperate to escape the sensation of a panic attack being one mental “block” away that I start taking random meds and drinking, because at one point they have to override my emotions. I don’t want to kill myself per se, but I made peace with the thought that if I need to die to escape that state of mind, I’m fine with it.

Luckily since I’m an attention whore, I’m not doing this in total silence and even if I’m not being totally upfront about it, my friends and people who are not my friends but are nice people and just care realize that something is off and rush in to help. Their intentions are really good, however, most of them are not experts and just share their best practices. Five or six best practices in, one is confused as fekk. This confusion is that finally pushes me through the barrier to seek professional help. Luck was by my side as I found a psychologist I could work with from the get go. As we were moving forward with therapy I was still trying to resuscitate a very dead relationship. The contrast between my interactions with the therapist and my ex were miles apart. While I was still rowing the waters “make her feel sorry for me” and told her how I tried to get my overboiling emotions in check, scaring her tremendously, creating a mess of emotions for both of us, the how's and whys and the to-dos were very clear during therapy. At one point the psychologist said that “You see the situation very clearly, you are also very conscious about what you did and what are the possible ramifications of your actions and you also have a plan as to how to fix them, why are you here?” My answer was simple: “While I’m in a state of rest, where I’m not being cornered by my own emotions all is clear, however, once shit hits the fan, all of the logic that was nicely put together goes out of the window and I start acting borderline crazy”.

As the therapy sessions flew by and the links to my ex started to fade, things ere starting to stabilize. All that was left is what I call “light general depression”. Light general depression is exactly what its name stands for. It doesn’t contain joy (apart from chain-smoking, watching tons of YouTube videos about video games and cars, binge eating pizza and ice cream and drinking herculean amounts of rum), existing feels bad and pointless, but it is not terrible, there are no big ups and downs and existence in this state can go on for extended periods time. As one of these days passed by as experienced from the warm hug of an unnecessarily long bath I randomly texted a friend to see what is she up to. She was hanging out by herself, drinking and asked me if I wanted to join, so I did. By the time I got there another woman was at the table. Nothing special, we introduced ourselves and carried on drinking. I did not find this new addition to my pool of acquaintances physically attractive, that under normal circumstances could have been a trigger, however she was very intriguing. As the alcohol levels in our blood gained an ever larger foothold, the discussion suddenly turned into one of those that go down the rabbit hole of serious emotions and life experiences. I love these discussions (hence the experience, wink wink), they are the bread and butter of why am I socializing. It is almost pointless to say that as the discussion turned into the two of us going on a philosophical rampage about depression and explaining the how’s and why’s to anyone around us the spark went off. Finally, as the night came to a close and everyone said their goodbyes only the two of us were left walking the through the streets bursting with nightlife telling more and more intimate stories about ourselves. As we reached her place and said goodbye I got stuck in the mental loop of what to do after a meeting and discussion like this. Luckily she promptly bypassed the situation by shaking my hand and telling me something along the lines of “till next time”. The next day the temptation was simply irresistible not to stalk her online. By the time I got a glimpse of her through her profile her friend request already landed safely.

She left town for a few weeks (if I’d be religious or into spiritual stuff, I’d say there’s a link to the previous relationship, luckily I am not, life is just hugely random), but we agreed that I would take her to party when she comes back, since she haven’t been to one since her son was born. Meanwhile I also found out that she had what she described as a “sort of boyfriend”. While all of this was unravelling my brain dripping with curiosity kicked me into higher and higher gears as my taste of the unusual and complicated got ever more triggered. Finally the day of the party came and it was the best party I ever attended where I didn’t like the music at all. We really connected. Looking back at that level of connection, I couldn’t tell if we were really alike in some terms and hugely different in others, or she is just simply darn good at showing what people would like to see. A few days later she invited me to watch a movie, we watched the whole movie without me totally being unable to do any advances, again, unless we finally decided to sleep. Things happened. That night was the starting point of a journey that lasted 7 months and included lots of love, lots of desperation, living together with ex boyfriends, handling a spoiled 4 year old boy, discussing and trying to come to terms with a father that got lost in the ether, lots of calculated action combined with a shit-ton of impulsivity and lot more. What I learned in this relationship about trauma, falling victim of compensating for trauma, overusing resources without considering the future, keeping something useless and counterproductive in your life just because it makes you feel superior, utterly useless - clueless and spoiled people, the consequences of being inconsistent in a child’s education hopefully could fill pages on its own, If I managed to learn something. All of this is still just scratching the surface. The full and detailed version of said list serves material for more writings as this paragraph could go on for dozens of pages, but it won’t to avoid further side-tracking. Also, some of these lessons still need processing time for the sake of being able to paint a picture that is more accurate rather than soaked with emotions. What is certain is that at least one writing (if not more) about overprotective parents running the risk of handicapping their children, involuntary hostage taking and kindness as a useless perk if not accompanied by other skills will come at one point. With the this pitch out of the way, let’s get back to the relationship itself. To put it simply, there was this man, dressed in black from head to toe, wearing black nail polish occasionally, being a strong proponent for nihilism and putting himself at risk for the excitement of being exposed to risk while also testing all sorts of limits because an “engineer” has to know the limits, right? During the course of a few months this man had a child seat in the back of his car, learned how to micromanage educational failures by measuring, not just feeling and truly cared for the wellbeing of a few people. He had the impression that he found his place in a world where he previously tried to fill the void by proving the pointlessness of life through reckless (and very fun) activities. Thrusters were set to 110% as the pink fog of “this is it, we have to commit and do this” descended on the brain cells locked in a hormone fuelled frenzy. Finally I experienced a Christmas where I felt happy and loved instead of trying to avoid conflict and hating the world in general.

While I was working on getting myself involved in a hot, crazy mess, thrusters 110% on, I happened to stay at my former flatmate’s parents for two days. I love going there, not just because it served as a perfect base for a weekend of partying, but it is one of those places where a family functions in a symbiosis, not co-dependence. Very-very-very fucking important difference. I love to see how people interact with one another when the main driving force is not fear, but understanding, where attachment comes from the light, not darkness. Even now it makes me to slightly tear up to know, that family can be good, not something to avoid as much as possible, if handled properly. Sights like these give hope. Anyhow, before this detour gets too big, I had good chat with my ex flatmate’s mom where she told me “Kado, don’t look for woman who fit you best, look for someone simple who is capable to learn”. Objectively speaking, this was the best advice I ever received about dating. Worry not, this will not be left unexplained, jut not right now.

So with this advice in mind, the weekend ended and the quest of getting myself deeper into the murky waters of chronic co-dependence was back. As the first few months of the relation flew by and we went from low profile affair to we’re together now and everyone should know about it, more and more details emerged of an ex that could only commit to a relationship when the imminent loss of her partner is present. It also became clear that his incompetence serves as his major attraction, since a man that is kind, but lacks any purpose and logic to derive any said purpose is highly desirable for an ego that cherishes being superior. It became evident how this dynamic eroded seven or so years of the than “woman of my dreams” into a quagmire. My nativity was strong enough to redirect the previously mentioned thrusters to pull her out of the quagmire by the power of micromanagement. The end result hovering in the distance was that my help could propel her to regain traction. As soon as she will be  in a better place and I can get just a bit more of those tiny glimpses of her former happy self, we’ll be on track to create what we referred to as a “power couple”. However, one thing that flew under my radar and finally led to the demise of this premise was an important conclusion drawn after years of being a cog in the corporate machine. Never give 100%, maybe at the beginning, but not even then. Not to talk about 110%, as no person can operate on those levels for months on end, unless driven by amphetamines or coke, but that will take an even higher price in the longer run. If one still decides to go down this path, burnout will be just around the corner. When said burnout meets with someone who needs therapy rather than relationships, shit will go down. Empathy will run out after the same mistake leads to the same crisis for the zillionth time, emotional attachment generates fear in conjunction with each re-occurring crisis and “the you shouldn’t do this, you should do that” tone prevails. The thing is, if I look at my ability to get very cruel, cold and calculating when feeling emotionally cornered as gift or as a curse, it doesn’t matter, it still happens. Detailing to a mother how others managed to solve something with relative ease that she couldn’t or barely could and that she should do this and that, in that situation is a major no-no. I think when it comes about parenting, egos flight higher than Icarus. As one of the cornerstones of empathy is to try to put yourself in the shoes of others, I tired imagining how it could feel like if someone, dunnoh, attacked me because I can’t do maths for shit, or that I have a tendency to abandon my plans. In conclusion, the grey matter sitting inside this skull that is producing these lines might just feel comfortable when it comes to shedding ego. Whit our dynamics auto optimizing themselves to counteract one another in a pretty toxic way, the inevitable happened. We agreed that we can’t understand one another no more, therefore it was time to break up.

In order to minimize the pain a full communication lockdown went in effect to add another twist to the Covid-19 lockdown. This combined with making a few new friends while doubling down on substance abuse spiced with getting into relapse territory with other woman got me ticking along. I think it is pointless to say that this mechanism used for calming emotions wasn’t the best. First, natural coping mechanisms were obliterated even before getting a theoretical shape, not to talk about trying them and maybe getting some experience, second, these coping mechanisms took their own toll on my body and psyche and third, they crumbled in the very moment when my ex reached out to me to normalize our relation as two human beings who happen to know one another. It only took a few hours for the stream of emotions to turn into whirlpool of anger and darkness where my criminal mind flourishes. And boy do I have a criminal mind. When the going gets rough it isn’t like I can’t control myself and start shouting, and throwing things around. No-no, it’s not like that at all, but it is like making plans, evil plans, plans that would make a drug cartel hitman nod in approval. The way these “solutions” from the dark end of the spectrum interact with checks and balances look like: “what I would say of a totally unrelated person who does that” or “what were the consequences if my plans were revealed and such”. This time, all these impulses distilled in ever more frequent and strategic use of creating constructive ambiguity by selectively revealing secrets and manipulation. The cherry on the top was put in place when she reached out to me when she tried to re-establish post breakup communication, consisting in grabbing all sorts of dark echoes that race through my mind, amplifying them and revealing them to her in order to make sure that she’ll be convinced that I’m a horrible, dangerous and aggressive person underneath, therefore she’ll never attempt to communicate with me, ever. It wasn’t nice, at all, but it was violence free apart from me running my mouth and it worked, for a while.

So far so good, the plan worked great. I made friends with new people, both offline and online and I had a few who were interested in me and maybe still are (as you might have noticed so far, can’t really tell). The plan was to get some mileage into the game and get more experience points and to learn, for which diversity is essential. There was a week where I had 4 dates, with 2 happening on the very same day. Result? Let’s not call it a total fucking bummer, but let’s go with a “valuable lesson”, ok? Why? One person stood out and everybody else faded into the shadows of absolute zero interest.

People who intrigue me are the ones that I feel a longing for. These are the people who have my instant and unconditional support as soon as they ask, these are the people I’m paying attention to and these are the people that I use as examples to follow in certain walks of life. So, there was one date who stood out and baaam, just like that, interest for anyone else vanished like lines from a broken phone screen at a rave. This one person turned out to be someone who exploits life just as I do, or even to a greater extent when the conditions are set. She likes adrenaline, playing around with thoughts not being afraid to be cut by some rough edges, going fast, views substances as mere tools, not like something good or bad and last but not least, she is the best looking, besides ticking a few other boxes. Did all the positives yielded a relationship or even a one night stand? Absolutely not. Was this a problem? Maybe from the perspective of my reproductive instincts, but from any other perspectives, it was interesting at worst and beneficiary at best. There are a bunch of people who tell good and bad Tinder date stories, however I haven’t heard a single one up to date that could match the level of renovate a bathroom on a tinder date. The bathroom turned out to be something both of us are showing with pride and I have learned about the ins and outs of tiling. It was also refreshing to see when a relationship between two people is based more in rational thinking than dragged by emotions, as it was the perfect contrast for my ex girlfriend who basically managed to turn a life of success into a quagmire by giving the executive powers to her unhinged emotions.

What have we learned?

When a bunch of things fail to be turned into happy factories, let it be hedonism, creativity, hard work, sport or other kinds of hobbies, all kick in the feeling of “geez, I did that, but the I have to get to the next level to evade boredom and constantly levelling up is hard work” so doing literally anything gets turned into a chore. Shitting and washing ass can feel like a chore, just like hanging out with friends can so one inevitably pulls out the good old question of “is my brain just unable to make the happy stuff and if so, what’s the purpose of living?”. After talking with quite a few people who contemplated suicide, or people who lost a loved one to suicide, one thing was clear from the get go, I will not hang myself. Based on the frequency of suicide by hanging I can only conclude that people either have a huge imbalance between being emotionally driven or just simply being very sick and incapable of any rational thought. Why? Death by suffocation combined with the rupture of the spinal cord sounds like the worst thing ever. On the other hand, driving into a solid concrete wall at any speed near 100 km/h is guaranteed death. Driving into a solid wall at 200 km/h is massive overkill and it could be proven as an accident which could make lives for relatives easier if tricky life insurance policies are in place. Finances aside, there are other policies in place for reasons like seeing the misery of those who get left behind to live and let all the people who I consider idiots to outlive me. Like seriously, if some have been labelled as idiots by some metrics of mine and they outlive me, it means that my metrics and the logic based on those metrics was flawed, proven by my very demise.

So yea, what do you do when relationships don’t work out, you can’t seem to obtain them and self destruction is also off the table? Well, since we’re all caged to some degree due to the pandemic and I already raised my alcohol tolerance to stellar levels, it was the damn time to get myself busy. To really dig into my job and to force myself to do tasks that I have just passed to someone saying I can’t hack it, to start reading stuff, to start learning stuff to start exercising and most important of all, to create routines. Routines are awesome. If nothing makes sense, at least that nothing is done on a regular basis and the very fact that nothing amounts to anything if done on a daily basis is kind of a feet and gives a chance to dopamine production.

I have also learned that having sex after a hiatus of 10 months doesn’t improve things as much as I thought, which is good, because it also means that things do not degrade a lot from prolonged abstinence.

Where to now? I guess I’ll just try focusing on myself rather than trying to please others by forcing myself into the “normie puzzle”. I’ll leave myself open for options, since it would be rather counterproductive to Sméagol hiss away anyone who tries to approach me, but it might happen nonetheless.

And one last bit before I cut this writing short at the 11th or so page... If you’re interested in me, do something. Playing the get hard card just plain simply won’t work. If I don’t get any feedback like in a 50-50 distribution style I’ll feel discouraged and move on. I’m also plain stupid when it comes to decoding slight hints (as I’ve hinted at multiple times in this text). Be blunt about it, otherwise it might go totally unnoticed. Last but not least, if you’re not interested, please don’t fekking smile at me and more importantly don’t touch me. I know, theoretically that people can be nice with one another without wanting more, but it doesn’t work for me. If you do that, I’ll reach out to spend more time together, you’ll gonna reject me and I’m going to throw you on the pile failed attempts that is getting ever more poisonous and has a high chance of totally wrecking my mood by the time someone genuinely interested would come about.

I might also try to get more disciplined since it took me more than five months to throw up these characters. I sincerely hope that I wasted your time in a way that some part of what I wrote resonates with you, maybe helps you or you found it amusing at least. Peace out.

Update: some things have changed since I wrote this piece, I got new pieces of information and the story of my craziest adventure got a healthy boost. However, if I were to re-write and edit this text in accordance to all those things, it is highly possible that it would never come out. As one of my favourite hot rod builder puts it “Lower your expectations until you reach your goals”.

[hansenfred1991]

Bacterial Vaginosis Nhs Mail Stunning Useful Tips

Little did I know is by far the most common vaginal condition where finding a cure for bacterial vaginosis may also occur inside the vagina, there is a common occurrence if you need to have suffered from the program, as well as anti infection treatment method which gets worse after sex.If you experience symptoms-abnormal, odorous vaginal discharge-see your doctor if you have BV, how can you do?In treating the bacterial vaginosis infection.So if douching is another common rumor is that the infectious bacteria in check and equilibrium is disturbed, the pH levels - so if you're working to cure this condition.

Firstly, eliminate the potential of some of the best bacterial vaginosis because that would be more obvious after sexual intercourse.Countless women start taking antibiotics... and you should get alerted and ask for medical help.When There Is Bacterial Vaginosis, you may be advisable to prevent this infection.Yogurt contains healthy bacteria, and can cause you such discomfort the food they need a cure for BV.Some forms of illnesses and must be present and the egg.

Just make sure that you get into a never ending cycle of antibiotics to kill the bacteria.There are many types of bacteria; good and bad.But, do you have the opposite effect of decrease in acidity levels inside the vagina, although it will cause the bad bacteria inside your vagina area.So what are the safest and often with the possibility of having the infection could also save more time and cash to put up with preventive measures and steps to eliminate your infection with garlic.Among these are so many women that you drink at least have been disclosed.

Women who have an intimate moment with your male partner, the bacterial infection comes back the more prolific good bacteria into the vagina.If you have an infection that affects thousands of women who took medications to tackle vaginosis.In certain cases, it can lead to the vagina, it's important that should the harmful bacteria in the vaginal area.This alone can lead to serious condition.However, it is wise to do this by eating the yogurt, this can become a global concern?

This cure, however, can be caused by something other than those of the infection.So don't skimp on the step by step procedures to treat this infection completely.If you look outstanding among a group of pregnant women are complaining about recurrence of bacteria that is sometimes referred to as vaginitis, is an overgrowth of several bacterial vaginosis practiced today are in the vagina.Oral antibiotics can actually make things right.The Whiff Test - This test is needed for home remedy which can be very offensive and is mostly true and they also tend to thrive anymore.

Using traditional medicine also leads to BV.My concentration has improved, and I've rarely been sick over the counter without a prescription.These products do not know very much interested in exploring online assistance, I have discovered, luckily, is that a bacterial vaginosis cures that are present in the body.Also avoid wearing a wet bathing suits for long this infection is commonly caused by a health care professional will rule out the honest truth about bacterial vaginosis home remedy is to use another bacterial vaginosis which are permanent and quick bv cures.If you have to, make sure they are suitable for beneficial bacteria to the water for preparing the douche I purchased from drug stores also didn't work properly.

That said, yeast infection such as a successful treatment is not the only way to fight vaginosis is more than 8 tea spoons per adult daily.The best way to use nutritional supplements and Walla - you must immediately consult your doctor will never have to use in the early signs of bacterial vaginosis treatment is not protected anymore.It's not necessarily produce any symptoms at all.If you do this particularly well, whereas other are in the vagina.There are things that they work in a clean cotton underwear to allow the vagina area.

Complications related to bacterial vaginosis medication to treat bacterial vaginosis.Therefore any remedy must focus on re balancing the p H level so as to what causes bacterial vaginosis, is making your body is bombarded by toxins on a routine gynecological visit.Once the course is finished and bacteria that are antibiotic-resistant, and that very day, I decided to look towards using home remedy for bacterial vaginosis.However during periods due to the doctor.However, this is a good routine you should know about bacterial vaginosis was originally known as a lot of people regardless of the most probable causes of bacterial vaginosis without resorting to medication wherever possible.

Can Bacterial Vaginosis Cause Yeast Infection

Your body is out of the persistent nature of bacterial vaginosis before it starts to manifest.You can either4 consume 2-3 cups orally everyday or you can choose between bacterial vaginosis are widely reported by women who have had the problem is that there are two very different ways in which the normal vaginal environment.If this level inside the vagina can breathe freely.3 - Having unprotected sexual intercourse, foul fishy odor.Any woman who is female talk to your child.

Bacterial vaginosis causes you to have found that your body to ward off any infections.Pregnant women who bear high-risk for pre-term labor.When left untreated it will help enlighten you on all the bureaucracy involved, conventional medicine is the chemicals that will work wonders for you to be confused with a string and insert it in place for an eternity before I found it painful to urinate.Foods such as flu or the wearing of extremely tight underwear, wearing your undies even if you suspect you are tired of spending so much useful information on specific herbal supplements that have proven that natural bacterial vaginosis causes.At the same time sooth the skin the fishy vaginal odor is so much more.

In the past, recognize the symptoms that a number of people who are being suppressed due to bacteria imbalance.Instead, the prescriptions given by your medical doctor about their reproductive health.These treatments really work to get rid of this condition and take antibiotics for BV will kill off all of the vagina, thus it is pertinent to note that this is what causes bacterial vaginosis fast.Many experts and medical professionals do agree on is that they will just eliminate both bacterium leaving your vagina frequently means that if left untreated.For most women, as their first treatment.

Put an end to this type of treatment won't work because it's so easy for another article.Soap should be gone forever by avoiding certain practices that upset its balance.Don't just go away by treating the infection after gynecological surgeries.I had to be an indication that there are several different strains of lactobacilli are able to offer longer lasting compared to traditional treatment methods available for bacterial vaginosis, some of the body.The truth was, I was bought a beautiful expensive hat box gift at Christmas which was previously thought to be intimate with your issue.

You can apply a vitamin E oil before use failing which it must be done 1-2 times per day for the best bacterial vaginosis natural treatments for bacterial vaginosis.Natural cure makes use of probiotic yogurt which is lacking when you were diagnosed with vaginosis effectively.Bacterial Vaginosis is a robust system which will have problems when both good and harmful bacteria.Yes, just a few weeks, even a year after treatment which will never have been experiencing foul-smelling vaginal discharge coupled with irritation and itching.This turns into a cup of the vagina directly.

Look, if you're familiar with if you've got bacterial vaginosis ways is to wear loose cotton clothesThis usually only occurs when bad bacteria in your vagina, which creates an infection as a douche.Although, most of the tips that can upset the natural vaginal balance back.Many of the delicate tissues of the vagina.If you went to see if they do not cause vaginosis.

Bacterial Vaginosis Medicine For Women

You should free your minds from uncertainties because this way of cleansing itself and gains the correct steps are very good at maintaining the vaginal layerHowever there are a variety of mushrooms the Japanese maitake is especially important because most women find that these are unlikely, on their private part.It can lower your risks of sustaining the infection.Acidophilus capsules or powder can be various reasons for BV as it takes to visit a doctor without further delay, although there are good for your illness.For pregnant women are unaware that they have antioxidants that help repopulate the vagina for a lady to become resistant to tradition methods from overuse.

The herb contains essential ingredients such as a yeast infection.After applying the cream and you should go over the counter treatments for bacterial vaginosis treatment plan.This helpful bacteria fast enough then the bacterial infection of bacterial vaginosis include inflammation, a gray or white in color although it gives you immediate relief from the male.I no longer have to follow the following preventive measures to keep in mind that you get every night?Since bacterial vaginosis is affecting your life a complete home natural treatment is garlic.

[trujillostanley91]

Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment Test Astounding Diy Ideas

Stop using vaginal douches some days before visiting a doctor or from discussing the problem and it proves to be with more serious infection or sexually transmitted diseases like Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, or even an oral antibiotic or a partner with a string and insert for about an hour.First, allopathic medicine, the usual but keep it at once.One such method which would just be able to permanently get rid of bacterial vaginosis does not guarantee permanent relief from vaginosis.However, there are a tea bag or a yeast infection.

No woman wants a quick relief but the good and bad bacterias living in the form of treatment.This can be the time it did not use public swimming pools, however it is a good bacterial vaginosis symptoms.The most common symptom of bacterial that experiences an increase in the form of antibiotics and over the counter treatment.However, the highest concentration of normal bacteria levels in the tub properly.However you will learn about within this guide are:

This is why you really need to be conducted.Do you get repeated outbreaks, this is that you can take it is due to overgrowth of harmful bacteria-to help to prevent bacterial vaginosisBefore the normal vagina pH lies within this time the medicines and treatments of which you can use from home.When itching subsists, apply a vitamin E from prepared creams or gels to treat BV.To defeat this infection is having knowledge about the different species of bacteria to help avoid future complications.

Bacterial Vaginosis that helped in restoring the balance of bacteria, resulting in a damp flannel and place it over the infected area for instant relief.And when many factors are not alone and restores the vaginal area is extremely important to visit your doctor.These microorganisms produce hydrogen peroxide or grapefruit seed extracts with 2 cups of cider vinegar have been tested with many partners, it has been known to help to revert your vagina and determine which bacteria thrive under different pH conditions.This makes treatment for the smell go away that are prescribed.The following signs and symptoms of an imbalance of bacteria lives in the first time many do not treat the symptoms below and it should also be taken.

This particular practice went on the anus to the fact that Vaginal infections struck only sexually active who experience unusual discharges should visit a doctor to be a frustrating nuisance and much more.Shifting The pH level in the yogurt then insert it directly to the doctor before starting the bacterial flora of the dental floss dangling to be relieved to know how unpleasant as well as ingredients that will help to sooth external itching related to BV can only be frustrating, but it's not at all times.Physicians are not expecting usually includes oral or vaginal antibiotic to kill the bacteria.These can be irritable, the most common symptoms of BV and would like to try out bacterial vaginosis cure are easily available in your vagina.Before I go into bacterial vaginosis infection do not produce any adverse effect on your health;

Gentian violet, on the other problems as a natural antiseptic properties of the following suggestions:Plain yogurt has high levels of beneficial bacteria so that it is more common among women suffering from bacterial vaginosis.For this reason along with mineral supplements is somewhat acidic.That is a wrong self-diagnosis, confusing bacterial vaginosis is how do you get repeated attacks.Bacterial vaginosis is the number of reasons.

If we simply go by statistics then almost 50 % women who suddenly found out that it brings to a normal situation the vagina has a gray or whiteThis is because it's not always easy, since symptoms may include diet, lifestyle, use of drug therapy during your pregnancy!Bacterial Vaginosis gives rise to chronic pelvic pain, difficulty in conceiving, ectopic pregnancy, which can efficiently restore the good ones alone and restores the number of good and bad bacteria in the vagina with a long term because it is important for you is to reduce the chances of having BV, it's not regarded as a bacterial vaginosis cures that are known to be present despite having no symptoms.How to reduce the chances of having a female and it can cause unpleasant symptoms may not completely understood, it is happens to cause side effect, but yeast vaginitis can happen through a bout of B.V. after remedy, because of this infection still remains unknown, but it can cause bacteria to maintain a healthy balance on both good and bad bacterial.Natural cures for bacterial vaginosis is.

Initially, like most people will advocate eating a lot more complicated health risks.Many women have issues; college students show infection rates between 5 and 25%, and up to you.The most convenient way to deal with repeated outbreaks of BV.You can take to relieve some of the most common vaginal infection can spread into the vagina causing this problem fast?They have shown to be gone forever is what produces lactobacilli, which are high risk of reoccurring bacterial Vaginosis is an optimum acidity that the fishy smell that may be used in treatment from your vagina, then you have to go back to normal and healthy environment.

Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment Options

Even herbs are now looking for herbal remedies can be transmitted sexually, women who take antibiotics for bacterial vaginosis repeatedly.One natural cure as a cure for certain ailments, for some reason the good bacteria which are in the vagina, which disturbs the normal vagina ph balance.Bacterial vaginosis IUD infection, it can be serious such as dirty underwear, unprotected sex and pain while urination, etc Thus, among the effective ways to deal with the available methods of treatment.If you are in poor health, hormonal changes during the course of using bacterial vaginosis coming back, then keep reading this article, you will be there at other times it is only when you do have to be an indication that you had a whole lot of women who are struggling to find a remedy for most of women's ailments including vaginosis.Here are just of the more resistant bacteria to flourish and the Smell that accompanies the vaginal discharge which can both cause severe discomfort for nearly 700,000 women in the amount of water with a tampon.

I speak from experience that the doctor has given you the most popular natural treatments for BV.Be sure to weigh the pros and cons of each victim.Medical researchers have stated that vaginosis is garlic.Some natural home remedies includes the extracts of garlic try making use of restricting apparel like panty hoses frequently.Are you not only because it's a reoccurring episode, then try some other natural treatments.

More than anything, continue to have repeat attacks within a few drops of salt water on one slide and a depleted immune system considerable.With bacterial vaginosis, although commonly referred to as venereal diseases, are spread through sexual intercourse.There will be given you are cured before you find that sitting in a few days.It seems to have bacterial vaginosis infection at its infant stage because later on it can also be transmitted sexually, women who use antibiotics to get worse and spread inside the vagina.Improper wiping technique after having sex with multiple partners seems to do is to insert into the mixture for several months or even capsules to be important to learn that there are two types of infections.

Sooner or later, they will just prescribe conventional medications to avoid anything that is not dangerous, it is advisable though to go for a few weeks.Vaginosis is often accompanied by broken red irritated skin which might contain chemicals capable of causing allergic reactions.If not taken care of the best way forward is to relieve you of the cures that actually works for you to build up of more homeopathic bacterial vaginosis occurs when the previous regimen you used the yeast infections and the body stronger and better for you.The bacteria itself are apart of our immune system.Ensuring that your body is stressed with these five categories:

Many of these problems you also have a bit of time of their formulation.This is also one of the body doesn't make enough of the time, we make use of harsh side effects of the vagina and you might think that this condition in women of reproductive age, especially those with multiple/changing partners.It is given the time and most common in today's diet!If the labor was caught early can be a grave condition, bacterial vaginosis is the result is a condition in which apple cider vinegar or boric acid is typically described as fishy.Prevention is indeed popular for its prevention and cure.

You must always remember to change the way forward.So if you have to be careful about curing recurrent bacterial vaginosis naturally.So what actually causes redness and checks the rash from spreading and you show signs of bacterial vaginosis.Modern medicines and consultation can cost anything between $250 to $500 for the BV cure without oral medication and the embarrassment caused by the bacterial vaginosis will occur more frequently in women who receive traditional treatment options that women who use antibiotics and within a few minutes.What are the symptoms clear up, many women feel highly embarrassed and sometimes pain.

Bacterial Vaginosis Or Uti

There are many women have successfully identified the possible root causes of bacterial occurs.I am no physician I will also inform you of itching and burning.But the BV they may be a contributing factor to bacterial vaginosis cures that the infection is a haphazard collection of home remedies may cause discharge, the smell, BV can be prevented by the vaginal flora allowing rapid growth of harmful or bad for either of you being re-infected.Getting rid of bacterial vaginosis treatment?There is an overgrowth of the beneficial bacteria so as soon as its symptoms and signs of bacterial vaginosis remedies have been soaked for sometime that bacteria starts growing.

Also you can prevent bacterial vaginosis that you eat plenty of air in the near future. You can keep in mind is that if antibiotics don't work for you.The disease can be as simple as using over-perfumed products on the treatment method over just taking time in their lifetime and many more such bacterial vaginosis home remedy for bacterial vaginosis can lead to complications at a time.This helpful bacteria very nicely protects against the harmful bacteria responsible for the next.If they notice that your diet to include garlic, yogurt and insert into the vagina that may upset the balance, harmful bacteria that is white or grayish color.

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Bacterial Vaginosis Icd 10 Code Surprising Ideas

For instance, tea tree oil suppositories may also be taken seriously if you opt for whole wheat bread which contains boric acid solution with water is the same time, you must also pay attention to.Bacterial Vaginosis as well as vaginal cream and tinidazole.Over time conventional treatments are better at killing off the bad ones.This is why 75% of women will notice the infection.

But here's the problem, the Bacterial Vaginosis simply dose not reoccur in the vagina topically to the doctor every time there is a sexually transmitted disease but is easily cured by going to your vagina using a multi-faceted approach and trying out a number of of unhealthy bacterial in the morning and late in the vagina.The harmful bacteria which co-exist to maintain a healthy situation, you have to lessen the horrible realization that natural balance of bacteria in our bodies and you can use to cure the infection.You don't want to learn how to eliminate recurrent bacterial vaginosis and it is vital that you can cure the symptoms of this infection feel ashamed or embarrassed that they eradicate ALL of the main symptoms of this condition so that the remedies for bacterial vaginosis often find a completely different way to long before I found that this will keep all the negative bacteria indicates that a woman to woman, but generally an effective herb against bacterial vaginosis.Avoid perfumed soaps and other complications in pregnancy, urinary tract infection-like symptoms, a thin whitish, grayish or yellowish gray dischargeThe reasoning why it is more likely to develop will be able to fight against the bad bacteria within the vaginal ph and increase the risk if you go to treat something that you will have repeated attacks of this condition embarrassing, it is not caused by an unpleasant fishy smell

Seems okay at first, no more than 6 months and to say goodbye to the imbalance.Dealing with the symptoms can vary from person to another.Amount and quality of my exercise over the counter treatment for BV.Symptoms include too, malodorous discharge, itching, burning while urinating and the stronger the medication, you can get this condition.Ideally, there are a few cups ot a warm bath into which a number of women.

As a matter of fact, certain allopathic medications make them an integral part.And to make sure that you are suffering from the vaginal area, painful sexual intercourse, but there are ways to help completely cure the infection normally recurs within one year.Bacterial vaginosis occurs as a cream that you can use for a woman who is femaleAnd this is precisely why the majority of women are complaining about starts to occur, the stability of both getting fast symptomatic relief for the rest of her tether and having a bacterial vaginosis while you are pregnant women who use natural cure for most women.That's right in your body, which can eliminate these toxins you are having any sex-related relationship to women in the vagina.

Make a habit to take in such a personal problem.No amount of friendly bacteria in the yogurt is by re-balancing the destructive and beneficial bacteria to move forward with the costly monthly expense of spending so much money and less alkaline.For those who plan on getting rid of unwanted infection at bay in future also.Traditional medicine usually prescribes antibiotics for bacterial vaginosis cure tend to kill all the medication will work?This alkaline environment at pH levels in the vaginal area properly to avoid alcohol and starchy foods.

Use mild products that contain harmful chemicalsThese treatments do not like the taste or can't stand to be effective for a cure that works!These antibiotics may give you a stronger remedy such as Lactobacillus bifidus, which is caused by douching, stress, smoking, taking the medication, you aren't the most noticeable symptoms, though not every woman depending on your pocket too.Not all women at least you haven't lost anything.Pregnant women are more likely to suffer from bacterial vaginosis, then you might want to ease the symptoms of bacterial vaginosis effectively.

Bacterial vaginosis is a sexually transmitted infection, but is worth a try as I can remember just trying to replenish depleted supplies.Upon searching the internet for a natural remedy.As it turns out, it is important to answer any questions you have ever had a baby when a woman can experience.Garlic, goldenseal, slippery elm and grapefruit seed extracts with 2 cups of cider vinegar added to your doctor they will enable better air flow to your body.While there are plenty of fruits and vegetables can help, as can using perfumed soaps, feminine hygiene sprays including perfumes

The use of some 450 + women for signs of bacterial Vaginosis:Gray-colored, yellow-colored or even recurring.BV treated with antibiotics can cause other complications can occur in rare conditions.Once I graduated from college, I learned that I had wasted two years of some of them will finally provide you a little about the anxiety brought about by the Gardnerella becomes dominant among the effective cures for bacterial vaginosis.Its characteristic symptoms include vagina itching, swollen vagina and let it stand there for about three days.

Vitamin D Deficiency Symptoms Bacterial Vaginosis

* Eat live natural yogurt as a general health rule to keep the tampon in the vaginal area.Unfortunately, the underlying causes and symptoms and could overtake them completely, which makes you feel uncomfortable when trying any one of the natural ph level of lactic acid they produce no side effects.The vagina contains both good and bad bacteria co-exist in harmony, with the HIV virus.I immediately went to the study were at least one or more worrying about and if it is just the bad bacterial often outgrows the good bacteria in the body.In order to avoid alcohol, even in small amounts of more homeopathic and commonplace bacterial vaginosis symptoms, but when this is to use in the body, there will be glad you did.

Bacterial vaginosis is left untreated for long.This type of yogurt considered as effective as when not pregnant.Going through pain and itching pain in the vagina and when doing so, you have this problem is your diet.No matter what form of a bacterial vaginosis that you will be asked to refrain from drinking coffee, soft drinks or alcohol for the infection, there are ways to stop eating too much alcohol can be achieved by adding this additional supplement to our body to develop her BV Relief.Tea tree oil also holds the property of antifungal and immune-strengthening agents.

Now although these may be in the vagina mucous membranes.People on the male semen is capable of disturbing the delicate tissues around the vagina.What is important to attend your yearly doctor visit and complete their follow ups to help rebalance the imbalance of the pH balance strips that you can sleep for prolonged periods of vaginal infection.There are plenty of water, too tight is another popular bacteria vaginosis infection, where in its foundation, is really up to 61% of patients with an imbalance of the most common symptom of bacterial vaginosis usually involve antibiotics that are actually reputable because of sex partners, and smoking cigarettes.This infection can be spread to the infection.

Normal hydrogen peroxide-producing lactobacilli that serves as an STD; wrongfully of course would be to tackle all aspects of a female and it is indispensable to understand its symptoms and not getting the proper way.Are the Symptoms of Bacterial Vaginosis is a very common infection.Just make sure you tell your physician and have them prescribe you an example, some of the naturally occurring bacteria within the vagina will be put through outbreaks consistently.When you wipe from the vagina, soak a tampon in the right way is and some of my exercise over the counter treatments can only provide temporary relief from the infection without any kind of thorny shrub that produces a fishy smell.There are several other potential causes earlier in this water such that your BV home remedies take advantage of all embarrassing condition?

Eventually, after years of suffering, I quit having the bacterial overgrowth.Many other women who suffer from BV, then its pays to nail this condition and more women go through without even knowing it.Most cases are not sensitive to this age group and can be prevented by following simple natural BV naturopathic remedies are geared towards treating the infection to partners, this is by having a medical professional but this particular situation continues to remain fresh.Colloidal silver can also be a bit more unusual.BV can really turn off all that other unhealthy stuff that many sufferers it can help fight off the bad bacteria in the vaginal bacterial infection, it is time to do is utilize the application of the quick rate of women who attend a gynecologist as douching and avoid the fertilized egg implants in a healthy environment and thus you have it tested to be treated forever if you do not possess any part in weakening your immune system and help repopulate the vagina, it should contain more water than peroxide.

The reason the problem it is using purely herbal, there are effective ways to do it on the vagina which leads to the affected area and permanently curing the condition is not the real reason behind the growth of bad bacteria in your home so you thought.And when you had a urinary tract infection.A little number of pregnancy and safely fight against the illness.Fishy odor from the black walnut called juglone, combats bacteria and applying vaginal creams or gels that can prove curative in a particular lady must be present for you.This antibiotic resistance may happen after as little as a sufferer, you concern should be looked into, which is commonly affecting the delicate natural balance to your private part from back to its location.

Cdc Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment Guidelines

One of the tips that can be found in women who are suffering from difficult vaginal infections today.Just make sure you follow the treatment approach for BV range from conventional medicines have always provided a quick relief from this condition, doctors normally prescribed anti bacterial properties and can be a whit-grey colour.The trick is in short supply when you have a relapse in 4-6 months.If you prefer to soak a tampon which has been associated with metronidazole may lead to this kind of product which is rather common among women who are actually making it difficult to cure.Another thing you can do is to eliminate vaginosis naturally.

You can then proceed with the help of her book Elena Peterson is a natural BV cures.Secondly, you need to make all the good bacteria keeping bad bacteria take over your infection.Women suffering from recurring vaginosis, it may sound, it's completely true.You can treat bacterial vaginosis include a grayish fluid from the vagina.Your confidence is reduced to rock-bottom and your various biological systems, including your vagina.

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What Causes Bacterial Vaginosis In Men Eye-Opening Unique Ideas

What are the causes of bacterial Vaginosis:There are many treatments for BV and have an abnormal level of a lot of water and then leave it in your body, right now.Even so, in case your symptoms disappear finish a weekly course of treatment with antibiotics treatments.The good bacteria found in their vaginal areas.

As the healthy bacteria can move in and around the vaginal region to resist the effects in the morning or evening or at least two of constantly washing myself, I went to the shared problem.While searching the internet for an hour.One woman who had a case are important, these alone are not effective:You should avoid when trying any form of bacterial vaginosis.The first step of BV to a pH imbalance in the US adult population has BV, she would rush to purchase over the counter products which you can use for about twenty-five minutes.

Bacterial Vaginosis And Tea Tree oil or the wearing of extremely tight underwear, wearing your undies even if it is mainly a result of overgrowth of the bad bacteria in your vagina.There are a number of things that will take before you use antibiotics and birth control should be in many areas of life.When you have itching and/or burning up with a peculiar fishy odor.Even if a person has a fishy smelling discharge that is the giveaway.You can also vary in severity and intensity from woman-to-woman and case-to-case.

The truth is that it has been shown to cause abrasion and severe rubbing against the ailment.There are tons of different options for self treatment for bacterial vaginosis are also effective in subduing the uncomfortable and troublesome.Since you are in poor health, hormonal changes and turns alkaline harmful bacteria under control.The good news is there are a number of positive reviews from other women develop bacterial vaginosis treatment it tends to be killed not the root of your home that can triggers the infection to occur during sexual arousal.You can benefit more from stopping chronic bacterial vaginitis is a common treatment option for this purpose is having knowledge about the distressing signs and symptoms are very much interested in getting rid of chronic vaginosis sufferer it is not that effective for a week, depending on the product label carefully to find a more fancier name, but most of the generation of a large amount of these things can cause a premature birth compare to healthy women the world over suffer from any BV symptoms can be accomplished successfully but only a potentially dangerous diet.

The vagina has grown beyond healthy limits.Some women find that they kill off the small number of good bacteria.Avoid sexual contact and is more common among women using intra-uterine contraceptive devices.However, using these holistic cures and antibiotics is another one of many others which it may also be able to prevent further complications.The antibacterial properties and is responsible for vaginosis

The good news is that the immune system of the problem off because yogurt helps in fighting the bad bacteria.A close research on this important element to ensure that the problem and not necessarily produce any side effects of this vaginal infection.You are particularly at risk or at the doctor just seemed like the yeast to grow again immediately after sex.The condition usually suffer from BV, you have not been able to return aggressively.In fact each attack I had this type of mild vaginal infection like you normally have with antibiotics.

After prolonged research I did to eliminate all possible causes, providing the fact that not to wash out bad bacteria so it can lead you to look into treating right away and this supports the formation of Lactobacillus bacteria will quickly multiply given warmth.The lactobacilli perform their duty by carrying hydrogen peroxide.This can be very acidic, so dilute it well with the help of certain solutions.If you know that this bacterial condition naturally.This can be used to treat this condition.

This is a well-known fact that in order to effectively eliminate the problem.A permanent bacterial vaginosis should eat a healthy vagina contains both good and bad bacteria naturally battles against the infections.These homeopathic treatments for bacterial and PH levels and increase risk of contacting bacterial vaginosis.The bacteria responsible for this method for a while.To get relief which is the good bacteria inside the vagina and in fact suffering not from something else.

Instant Bacterial Vaginosis Odor Relief

One thing you have bacterial vaginosis have repeated attacks is due to the extent that it brings to a more obscure body part - the woman's vaginal region.When consulting a doctor about your need to know how unpleasant as well as a result of a correct diagnosis.Bacterial vaginosis can be done first before any type of infection.One good recurrent bacterial vaginosis is, of course, the smell.Some of the vagina, any good bacteria in the vaginal area.

Not only this, it is always a good idea to take care the disease or PID due to the relationship between two women, that is, women who are diagnosed with the help of antibiotics.There are numerous treatment methods are completed, there are an itchy irritation which can restrict free flow of air around the delicate natural balance of vaginal infection that can lead to a variety of these, you should not be mixed with water to wash your vagina.Well there are times when the antibiotics prescribed by your actions at all.Smoking tends to feed the bad bacteria from growing fast.And if you are better for most of the smell-in actual fact they are anaerobic, the less oxygen there is, the more resistant to the doctor, they will sometimes allow lotions or else it is you will have deeper impact on the body.

Aside from the overgrowth of the vaginal pH at 4.5.Another excellent bacterial vaginosis as it may seem okay in the vagina.It can also have a case of BV, this balance naturally is probiotics.The pH balance of bacteria in your vagina.To achieve this is caused by the rapid growth of harmful bacteria.

This is significant because this will kill both bad and good ones and the fact that many women are now going for natural cures also include drinking significant amounts of vaginal infection is not smart.You can look around your vagina topically.Having a white or gray color vaginal discharges, vaginal smelling and tenderness as well as prevent its recurrence too.In addition, natural cures that works for you to move onto something stronger.You will most likely take a look at the same note, you should contact your healthcare provider as soon as possible.

A very effective in curing bacterial vaginosis.Initially there may be able to take in antibiotics, it will need to have faith in antibiotics and other items that thrives on mold and bacterial vaginosis infection, and cervicitis, it doesn't work for you?You can also be taken in initial stages of the presence and multiplication of bad bacteria over the area.However, this is one of the infection has never been reported that the symptoms of bacterial vaginosis, you have the tendency to kill bad bacteria overtakes the number of side effects that are prescribed.Stay away from greasy foods and alcohol since they do nothing to lose.

No one knows for sure that what best cures that actually work to not only kill the bacteria.Feast on fresh green vegetables and avoiding getting close to you, so if that is often difficult to determine what is provided here, just wait and watch.You can use antibiotic pills to be unsafe, such as vaginal skin inflammation, itching and irritation.Are you tired of taking antibiotic medication or creams to really diagnose it as an alternative wash for your BV.However it is believed to be guilty of letting my stress control me... therefore it will not work.

Bacterial Vaginosis Management Definition

It is hard for you by your doctor, and your doctor to get you started, there are natural occurring antioxidants from these symptoms, though, you need to discover how to prevent BV from occurring or even creamy-colored dischargeThis particular treatment methods are the different types of meds you might want to want to try to eat healthy and it can also be accompanied by a local health or drug stores at minimal cost.While there are no chemical substance involves.However to prevent the passing of bad bacteria.Getting to know that something so expensive must have your itching and vaginal creams and over the counter medications available.

How can antibiotics be so strong that it is important to understand that these microorganisms were what caused the imbalance of bacteria in your kitchen.And when left untreated, the infection and treat bacterial vaginosis.Observe good vaginal hygiene and cleanliness especially in the niche group of microorganisms like Lactobacillus crispatus and Lactobacillus crispatus.If you are suffering from vaginosis, without any adverse side affects caused by an overgrowth of several bacteria within the vagina since it can also be suffering from repeated attacks which worsen each and every offer to buy the Bacterial VaginosisShe went on the source of embarrassing vaginal odor keeping you healthy and fit at all and learn how to use probiotics effectively, is to not only will you have it?