#i really choose to publicly humiliate myself on the internet on a biweekly basis

[seokjinsonlyone]

im about to rank bts members by how likely i would be able to successfully seduce them

i’m going from the bottom up

coming in at number 7 is jin like my beloved aged brethren my husband my love my sweetie honey bunny does not strike me as one that is particularly horny and even if he is i definitely don’t think i’d be able to shake him down on sight like we have the same personality type and i know that virtually nobody can seduce me and i mean i’ve seen his work on weverse like he’d shut that down so fast i’d have no choice but to die from embarrassment

at number 6 is jungkook idk about y’all but me personally i am NOT hot enough to seduce jungkook like if we knew each other and if we got drunk MAYBE but he very much gives “if he wanted to he would” so if he don’t i very much believe that i could show up in nothing but a trench coat and some red stilettos and the only thing i would get is a trip to the police station

5th on the list is hobi now hear me out i could DEFINITELY get hobi to go on a date with me like it’d probably be a pity date but we would for sure be having a candlelit dinner somewhere and then he’d realize he’s in love with me at some point okay we’re endgame but like if im talking tryna get him in bed off rip i just feel like physically im not his ideal type so if i just went and hit on him the punches would not land he’d do one of those judgmental stares and (gently) shrug me off unless we was in the club and no hands started playing bc my booty speaks for itself

smack dab in the middle at number 4 is mr min yoongi now he act like he ain’t but he done mentioned his tongue technology one too many times for me to not believe he’s subtly horny at the very least like if i caught him in a moment where he wanted to get his rocks off and i was putting the moves on him he’d for sure indulge me and even if he wasn’t necessarily in the mood i think if i tried hard enough i’d get him curious about it but there’s like a 55% chance that it ain’t happening which are odds im honestly willing to take

now my top 3 is interesting and very bold but considering the lineup is bangtan in general this is all bold anyway

at number 3 we have jimin bc like im thinking about how he saw megan and described her as innocent and pure im thinking about how he said lizzo was attractive im thinking about how he barked at the thought of usher im thinking about how when he sat in on yoongi’s concert (my show!!!!!!) he said that army was beautiful which leads me to believe that physically we have no problems a body is a body to that man pleasure is pleasure the only obstacle between me and jimin is the fact that he’s an awkward little guy so i would need to make him comfortable first and fortunately for me i act too comfortable with everyone!!!! like just give me an hour with bro and by the end of the conversation my lips would be on his

second place🥈 is namjoon now while i don’t believe im hot enough to bag jk on sight if i’m so sure i could get joon like if i’m dressed to the nines like hair done nails done everything did in my fancy bag i’d be unstoppable like i just know i’d have his attention even if he didn’t peep me from across the room or anything like that if i approached him he’d for sure be interested i know it and then the only thing id have to do is just let the tension build throughout the conversation like im not quite a genius but my iq is very high and i may not be as well read as he is but i’ve been through a lot i’ve heard a lot and i observe everything so i can definitely keep up and add to it and if i wanna talk i can go for hours and hours and by the end of the night we’d be in our jay park v era doing that body talk 🤪

and finally against all odds at number 1 the member i think i have the highest chance of seducing is kim taehyung like idk maybe it’s just me but he seems easy doesn’t he????? like i know this sounds so insane considering he’s got to be a contender for the top 5 most attractive people on this earth and really there’s no way that this should happen but you know what there’s no way that a bee should be able to fly either!! its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground but the bee of course flies anyway bc bees 🐝 don’t 🚫 care 👩‍🍼what 🤷‍♀️ humans 👯 think 💭 is 🫵 possible ✅ AND NEITHER DO I !!!!!!!! like give me a platform and not only will i have seduced kim taehyung but i will have him chasing after me we all know he’s a people person like loves making friends loves getting to know people and he a sucker for a compliment he said it himself on multiple occasions he’s a good boy i meet him we chit we chat i tell him i like his shirt then fiddle with the sleeve a bit maybe feel up his bicep and then walk away he’s HOOKED and maybe he gets distracted but then he sees me chopping it up with someone else and is like ❓then he’s finding me we talk a little again i compliment him again i part ways he’s following after me and engaging whatever group i join next i walk away again until he’s literally chasing after me and he corners me and that’s all she wrote like all i got to do is tell him he look good and we having a great night and an even better morning i’m soooo sure of it

anyway randomly had that thought while i was driving home from work feel free to share which member you think you could seduce so i don’t seem like the only mentally unstable person on this website 🎤