#i really appreciate the heads up man. even as someone who is just Mildly Inconvenienced by it

[risingsunresistance]

every time a video includes a photosensitivity warning i gain 10 years on my lifespan

[gothbusterz]

Obey - Dom!Gi-Hun x Brat!Reader

Sometimes, a spoilt little brat needs a wake up call.

Warnings - Rough sex, light degradation, choking, spitting (I need Jesus HELP ME)

Word count - 2.1k

Requested 💚

His eyes rolled, irritation flooding his veins as he half listened to her ramblings of how someone had mildly inconvenienced her. The way she spat her words as if someone had seriously wronged her rubbed him the wrong way. He didn’t really care anymore; she’d been bitching for so long now. The inconsequential matter she was so pressed about was so pointless in the grand scheme of things.

Maybe it was his own fault. He’d lavished her with the finest. She wanted for nothing but she still found a way to complain. It bothered him. Plain and simple. He’d gone through absolute hell to get the money he used to spoil her, and she’d never had to work a day in her life, and she never would. Her wealthy family had kept her secluded from the real world for her whole life, controlling who she saw and who she spoke to. Her family loved him; wealthy and handsome - perfect for their most precious daughter.

Her father was a banker, and knew Gi-Hun well. He knew he had spectacular wealth, and it was then he decided that Gi-Hun would be the man for his only child. Gi-Hun was hesitant at first, but the woman he met wasn’t who he was expecting. She paid for her own drinks, and demanded that they split the bill at the most high class restaurants. She seemed down to earth and smart. She made him laugh and she laughed at his jokes. He fell in love with her that night, but as time progressed, her true colours began to show. She was still beautiful and smart, but she was nowhere even close to grounded. She was spoilt, and he saw that as soon as something didn’t go her way.

Most of the time, she was the light of his life. She was appreciative of him, at least. She always said her pleases and thank yous, always waited her turn. But to her family and the rest of the world, she was a materialistic brat. She expected the lifestyle she’d been raised with; never appreciating the shining silver spoon that had been in her mouth since birth.

He zoned back in, and she was still going on. A frustrated sigh left his lips before something snapped, grabbing her by the hair and pulling her close to his face. “For once, shut the fuck up.”

His lips aggressively captured hers, finding solace in the small moan she released as he tugged at her hair. He just needed her to stop and he was going to shut her up the best way he knew how. Roughly pulling her to her feet, his large frame towered over hers. Pulling away, his eyes were dark with lust and annoyance. “Bedroom. Strip and sit on the bed. Wait for the me.”

His voice was a low growl, dripping with venom. She knew when he was like this that she had no choice but to obey, or be severely punished. For the first time all day, she was in stunned silence. His eyes narrowed at her delay, and he raised a large hand. It made heavy contact with her cheek, his fingers gently stroking the skin he had just slapped. “Don’t make me repeat myself.”

She swallowed thickly and nodded, turning her back and heading towards their shared bedroom. Jesus, if her father saw this he’d drop dead on the spot. The perfect, kind man he’d chosen for his little girl was secretly a dark, demanding lover when irritated; and, oh, was she irritating.

He waited a few seconds before strolling his way into the kitchen and taking a swig straight out of a whiskey bottle. He grunted as the straight liquor spread a cold feeling over his tongue and throat. Taking a deep breath, he very slowly made his way up the stairs. He wanted her waiting. He wanted to give her enough time to follow his instructions, lest he have to punish her even more. He took each step one at a time, leisurely strolling down the hallway before turning into the open door of their bedroom.

She laid there on the bed, naked and waiting. Exactly how he’d wanted her. A dark smirk took over his lips. “Such a good girl… keep that up and I might let you cum this time.”

A small groan left her lips as her mind was cast back to the last time she’d disobeyed his orders; shackled to the bed by her hands and feet, spread open and trapped as he sat in his desk chair, watching her writhe with a smirk as he sipped at his whiskey from a fine crystal class. Each time she’d back settle down, he’d place his drink down on the expensive wooden desk, lick his lips and bring her back to the edge with his skilled tongue before withdrawing and sitting back down right before she could cum. It seemed as though his patience rivalled no one else. He could sit and watch her for hours as she begged and pleaded to be fucked. He ignored her, tutting as he reminded her with a smirk that he was the one in charge, not her.

Pushing her back as she sat up, he crawled over her, his hands running the course of her body and leaving goosebumps in his wake. She shivered under his touch, trying to bring her lips to his only to be met with a strong hand gripping her hair again and pulling her head back. She had no power, as he’d made it abundantly clear. She was to be a toy for him to use.

His thumb parted her lips, dragging her mouth open by her jaw before he spat into her open, awaiting mouth. He firmly pushed her back onto the bed, lifting his old tshirt excruciatingly slowly. Her eyes scanned his skin as more and more became visible. He was a beauty of a man; toned and strong. A work of sheer erotic art. She breathed deep as he pushed the shirt over his strong shoulders down his arms, letting it fall to the carpet.

“Can you manage to be a good girl this time or do I need to tie you up again? Hm?”

She whimpered and nodded, sitting up on her knees obediently; desperately not wanting to be tied up again as she knew he wouldn’t let her cum if he had to do that. He hummed in satisfaction, his fingers gently holding her chin with his left hand while his right made quick work of his loose sweatpants and boxers. Getting rid of them, standing as naked as she was, he brought her forward to sit on her knees. His right hand lazily stroked himself, watching her every move before staring down into her innocent eyes with an insatiable lust.

The left hand gently holding her chin swiftly moved down, gripping her throat firmly. She gasped for air, locking eyes with him as her lips parted. She looked so delicious and fragile; ready to be absolutely shattered. Her hand met his around her throat, squeezing and staring up at him with pleading eyes. His grip tightened with her blessing.

Stepping forward, he pulled her so she was face to face with his hard cock. He tapped at her lips, staring down at her with intensity. Parting her plump lips, he didn’t give her a chance to adjust before he bunched her hair in a ponytail and pulled her forward to take him all the way into her mouth. She choked, hands bracing on his thighs as her nails dug in. He let out a wild groan, her throat constricting around him as she gagged. Beginning to thrust, he fucked her face with a consistent speed, withdrawing only to shove back in with more and more power. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes, threatening to fall as she tried to hold her composure with his cock ramming at her throat. He chucked darkly, slowing down and bringing his finger to tenderly wipe away a tear. “Fuck you’re being such a good girl. Keep going and I’ll reward- mm - I’ll reward you”

His breath caught in his throat as his words rasped through his lips. He wasn’t going to admit that he was getting close to just cumming down her throat after the couple of minutes she’d had him. He’d never admit that everything she did drove him absolutely wild. She was so intoxicating to him, he could cum with just a touch from her. He’d never had that before with a woman, and he wasn’t going to let it go anytime soon.

He pulled back swiftly, and she caught her breath as a trail of saliva fell from the corner of her lips. Her eyes were still wet with tears as she panted, her throat recovering from the intrusion. His thumb wiped the spit from her chin and he pressed a very gently kiss to her swollen lips - a moment of tenderness as an intermission between his harshness. She melted, her arms finding their way around his neck.

As soon as it came, the moment of tenderness was gone as he grabbed the wrists sitting loosely on his shoulders in one large hand, squeezing tightly and pushing her onto her back further up the bed as his body caged hers into the sheets beneath her.

“You really think you deserve to touch me yet?” He tutted before engulfing her lips in a passionate embrace, tongue forcing his way past her lips to dance with hers.

She let out a shameless moan into his mouth, grinding upward to desperately try to find some friction with the knee bent between her thighs. He wanted to keep teasing her. He wanted her to suffer; but seeing her so desperate, writhing for any kind of friction between her thighs, just did something to him. In one swift motion, he let go of her wrists and flipped her over to have her kneeling with her cheek pressed into the sheets and ass in the air; on display for him. His hand roughly met the sensitive skin of her ass in a harsh slap, leaving a bright red imprint of him. His hand pressed into the side of her head that was facing him, covering her ear and pushing her down with force as he roughly pushed himself inside her from behind.

He couldn’t stifle the animistic growl that left his lips as he bottomed out inside her without giving her a chance to adjust. She was so warm and tight that it made his head spin. His hips stuttered as he almost blew it right then and there, but he took a deep breath and bit his lip, fighting it before giving in and thrusting his hips roughly. Skin smacked against skin as he bent over her, her back pressed flush against his chest as he gripped at her hair again to pull her head back. She squealed, her head rolling to the side to meet his eyes under his grip on her hair. His fingers dug into the flesh of her ass as he used it as leverage to thrust harder, faster and deeper, pulling pornographic moans from her lips each time he collided with that one spot deep inside of her.

She felt herself clench around him as she took in the sight before, well, behind her. He was a stunning specimen of a man at any time, but when he was like this it was something else entirely. His hair laid slick against his forehead as his head lulled back in ecstasy, eyes squeezed closed. Small huffs left his lips as he got closer and closer to his release. His eyes opened and he caught her staring back at him, pants and ragged breaths passing through a devilish smirk.

“You’re so tight, baby. F-fuck!” He grunted breathily, the rest of his sentence whispered so low that it couldn’t be heard. She felt his rhythm falter into uneven, rough jerks. His fingertips turned white from how hard he gripped at her skin, leaving red indents in their place. A few more thrusts and his head fell back, a string of grunted curses falling from his perfect lips as she felt warmth spilling out deep inside her. He thrusted slowly a couple more times, falling forward against her back with his head resting in the crook of her neck, placing tiny kisses as he came down from his high. His breath fanned against her sweat-tinted skin, cooling it as he panted out a strained whisper.

“Such a good girl… my good little girl…”

[cybernaght]

Guardian rewatch: Episode 3

First of all, wow. When I decided to post those online, I was expecting that they would be read by two people, both of whom I personally know. It was in equal part surprising and terrifying that so many of you ventured here. Thank you for reading, I really appreciate it. 

Episode 3 is probably my favourite case. It’s not perfectly strung together, there is little actual investigative work in it, but it’s a beautiful story of boundless love and devotion, which echoes through the relationship between our protagonists

Professor Shen is looking at some materials that are looking suspiciously like research into something supernatural, when Zhang Ruonan makes an appearance at his office, claiming that she is absolutely fine, while clearly being very far away from fine. This is something Shen Wei can certainly relate to, because he is the king of hiding his ailments from others. 

Zhu Hong’s one-sided affection for Zhao Yunlan starts to show already in this episode:  while he has the cold, she nags him to take care of himself, shoves tissues into his hands, and presses him to drink his meds. It’s easy to imagine even this early on that she will be the woman drunk dialling him one day. 

I know this could be seen as straightbaiting, but I honestly thing that the actual purpose it serves in the show is the opposite; I’ll talk more about it when we get there.

Zhao Yunlan spends a lot of this episode in Shen Wei’s office, starting with this scene, in which is obviously flexing. Not only does he sneeze all over the office, he goes to eat Shen Wei’s cake after specifically being told not to eat it.  He also takes his opportunity to mix questioning with flirting, as is his usual way. He keeps eye contact while spooning cake into his mouth, as he explains, jovially, that another mysterious death on his campus cannot possibly be a coincidence. And, to be fair, he is not really wrong. We are meant to believe that this is all set in motion by Zhu Jiu, aka the least scary villain in the history of villainy, and an owner of your staple baby goth wig. I will not mention him again until the plot makes it impossible for me not to do so. 

Zhang Ruonan comes in, and Zhao Yunlan introduces himself as Shen Wei’s good friend. Which is half-way between a flex and an act of kindness. On one hand, he could have said he was from the police - which would be absolutely true - and risk tarnishing the professor’s good name. On the other hand, he could probably look less pleased with himself. Shen Wei, at the very least, looks neither grateful, nor amused. 

Zhao Yunlan asks her if she new the victim and she looks incredibly shifty as she flees. He is right to think that something is up, and he correctly assumes trauma, rather than guilt. We can now start to see that he is very very good at reading people. It must be equal parts thrilling and disconcerting for him to have met something who he decisively cannot read. Shen Wei vouches for the woman, partly, surely, because his Hei Pao Shi sense is tingling, letting him know that someone is eavesdropping. 

Despite feeling uneasy, Shen Wei still offers Guo Changcheng, who is left to collect various paperwork from his desk, a little smile. He has a reason to like Xiao Guo, of course: he was the one to see the young man’s kindness and understanding, and he is already growing protective of him, way before he will start seeing members of the special unit as his people. This reminds me of how many months later, he will subtly, but decisively stop a barrage of verbal abuse against Xiao Guo by dropping a pair of chopsticks. 

Zhao Yunlan is taking Xiao Guo with him on the case rather than anyone else, partly, supposedly, because of Guo Changcheng’s familial connections. The young man looks more sure of himself, asking correct questions, dutifully records answers. He also tries to look after his Chief by asking him to go home and rest. He does phrase it badly, but Zhao Yunlan has a thing against his own health and well-being, so he reacts extra poorly.

Soon after, Zhao Yunlan’s at Shen Wei’s office yet again, as Shen Wei tries his best to ignore him, in the hope that he… well, maybe not goes away, but does not ask him anything that will require him lying. Instead, Zhao Yunlan is asking Shen Wei why he is bad at reading people, which is a very strange thing to ask. Shen Wei answers his question with a question, “Will seeing through people really lessen the hurt and disappointment?” Adding, “Many tragedies were destined from the beginning”. He looks well.. like this as he says it. 

This is loaded. On first glance, it’s a pretty good set-up to the way this story will unfold, as a tragedy of two individuals who let their devotion to each other nearly ruin each other’s life. A fragile human and a dangerous powered Undergroundian: what else is that, but a tragedy, waiting to happen? But this story - this one right in front of us - will not end tragically, at least not for the two people it enters around. It could do so, but it will not. Maybe, this truly is the first hint that this entire narrative, so carefully set up from the very first time Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei meet, is destined to be a tragedy. Moreover, that it must be one, for some cosmic reason. 

(… I apologise while I go have a little cry in the corner. Damn you, Guardian, why do you make me hurt so much?)

Da Qing inexplicably morphs from black cat to a human in white t-shirt while doing night shadowing, and promptly falls asleep on patrol. Why is he being sent to stake anyone out? He is least suitable for it.  He is literally a cat. He sleeps 16 hours a day. 

Surprisingly, when pressed, Zhang Ruonan comes clean very easily, revealing that she was a victim of the three students she failed (two of which are already dead and one one standing right next to them), who lured her out at night, which left her vulnerable to be attacked. Zhao Yunlan listens to this story, and instead of… oh I don’t know, perhaps asking her the identity of the third student, leaves to go find that out for himself. It is heavily implied that he does it on purpose, which is definitely not okay.  

Moreover, he goes and... asks Shen Wei. This makes me suspect that he’s not really thinking with his head at this point. As he does so, he is brandishing a letter opener. 

Shen Wei is looking even less impressed with him than he did during their last few conversations. 

Zhao Yunlan is a little bit flippant when it comes to students’ lives this episode. And yes, they have done something really quite horrible to another human being, but that's not a very good excuse to let the last of them just die. As it happens, the situation Yunlan created - perhaps on purpose - did lure out Zhao Ruonan’s murder girlfriend, but it also cost a student his life. Which is far from ideal, but is somehow never even mentioned. Instead of being aghast, he sits on the table as he goes into full interrogation mode. (As he will continue to do a lot. Sometimes he crouches on tables instead. There is no further point here, apart from: I like this character quirk. It’s a nice character quirk.)

He brings some of his team in at this point, and asks Zhu Hong to continue interrogation. It would be a nice gesture is he did not interject two questions in. 

“How do you regard your relationship with Wang Yike?”

“We are family.”

They are definitely, decisively not going for sisterly bond here. Which is kind of incredible. This is one of the moments the amorphous being that show is looks at the censors, wiggles its battered low budget eyebrows at them, and then proceeds to flip them off. Well done, Guardian. 

Wang Yike calls Zhang Ruonan, saying there is one more victim she needs to take care of, and Lin Jing traces the call back to campus. Zhao Yunlan, who did not even bat an eyelid at a dead student earlier, now looks decisively worried  

“Oh no. Professor Shen.” 

The only reason Shen Wei is attacked is jealousy. Wang Yike does not know this of course, but trying to kill him is a bad move, because a) he has long ago given his heart away, and is definitely not interested; b) this is probably the only thing she could do to make the man on the case very very upset; c) Shen Wei’s immune to her powers. 

“Someone like you will never understand what she means to me!” Wang Yike shouts eventually. “As long as I can protect her, my life has worth!” And, even as Wang Yike has no way of knowing it, these are the words that ultimately save both her and her loved one. Because Shen Wei does in fact understand what Zhang Ruonan means to her. His own endless and ultimately self-destructive devotion is his main driving force.

Shen Wei pretends to be hurt, again, which earns him a half-hug from the object of his devotion. If Zhao Yunlan does notice that Shen Wei should really come out of this attack grey haired and dead, and not just mildly inconvenienced, he chooses not to say anything. 

Worried about her murder girlfriend, Zhang Ruonan rushes in and accidentally touches her. Zhao Yunlan Freaks The Hell Out. Shen Wei does, too, but in his own, reserved, way. They are both emotionally invested in those two people, although for very different reasons: Shen Wei is acutely feeling resonance of his own past in their story, and Zhao Yunlan, I think, wants to fix it, he wants to be able to make it better. Instead, Shen Wei fixes it for him, turning the tide on this tragedy, and giving it a happy ending. He heals Zhang Ruonan right in front of the officers of SID, albeit with much subtlety. (“Have someone saved her right under our noses?” Zhu Hong will snort the very same evening, and she will be 100% correct.)

Shen Wei also lets Wang Yike go despite the undeniable fact that she did kill three people. Here, he is looking at the picture of this human/Undergroundian couple, surviving despite all odds, and touches his only reminder that Kunlun really was in his life. 

He then burns the picture as the only evidence that Wang Yike was not punished by him for her crimes. 

In the end, Guo Chengcheng is making first of his many diary notes about the events, recounting a conversation between Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan we had not witnessed, in which Shen Wei mentioned a relationship based on devotion that can last a thousand years, and Zhao Yunlan called such a relationship “guarding”. Finally, Guo Changcheng hopes that he can become a guardian of all. 

And this is making me think that this absolutely should be a set-up for him becoming a wick of the guardian lantern, as per every single other decision that was made prior to the last two episodes. Right? This is a perfect foreshadowing, and mentioning it here, so early in the show would not make any sense if it were a deliberate subversion. So, was Guo Changcheng meant to become the wick after all before... what, some rewrites happened? What made the final episode be what it was in the end?

(This is a genuine question by that way, if anyone has any insight on the matter.)

The episode would end here, if this was a western show, with a familiar monster of the week structure, but it does not. At least, the way it ends is reminiscent of a cliffhanger, with Zhao Yunlan catching Shen Wei in a middle of a crime scene, and looking betrayed. 

Next episode: Lynchian Nightmare, aka people without faces. 

PS.

I did not have a seamless way to stick this in anywhere but... Shen Wei’s technological ineptness at the max: he does not know how to use a Polaroid camera. Help him, he is so lost.

——

Second point of housekeeping to say a few things: 

I don’t think I will be consistent with certain things being transliterated versus translated. I am more likely to use Hei Pao Shi rather than Black Cloak Envoy (because the later reminds me of Tuxedo Mask, which makes me inwardly giggle every time) but at the same time I am also more likely to use Underground/Undergroundian rather than Dixing/Dixingren. I am more likely to use Xiao rather than Little, but have called Chu Old rather than Lao before. I hope that’s not grating, but do tell me if it is

My recaps are Shen Wei-heavy. I have no real explanation for this, apart from.. I like Shen Wei. 

I realise that there will definitely be things here that are head canon and speculation rather than flat observations; this show is a work of fiction and a work of art, which cannot be interpreted objectively. If you have alternate takes on anything I write in the future, let me know! 

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 20th January 2019

So, uh, I‘ve been listening to a lot of Aminé recently.

FEATURED SINGLE #2 – “BLACKJACK” – Aminé

This is our second Featured Single, and I’ve decided this will be before the chart so feel free to skip this if you don’t want something beyond the charts to check out. This recently got a hilarious video, with ridiculous attention-to-detail and impressive... “choreography”. That counts as a single for me, and God, do I love this one. There’s this maddening melody that immediately gets pounded by an intense bass thud, with Aminé rapping monotonously initially, but gradually getting as excited as his ad-libs, with his quick flow accentuating both his loveable voice cracks and some of the funniest lyrics I’ve heard from the guy, including those four lines in the second verse, which he spends just praising and appreciating Jack Black?

Rockin’ and rollin’ like Jack Black / Schoolin’ you n****s like Jack Black (Yeah!) / How could you not like Jack Black? (How?) / I put that on my momma, n****, no cap

That second verse is great, by the way, there’s something so charismatic and enthusiastic about Aminé’s pointlessly specific pop culture references that can either breeze by so you don’t notice them or, as shown above, essentially be a rake joke.

Said she wants a spot on my list (Please) / I told her, “Go pray to your God” (I need to go to Church)

Yeah, that last part’s an ad-lib – more people should be doing back-and-forth exchanges in their ad-libs, 21 Savage’s done it in “10 Freaky Girls” and so has, uh... Cal Chuchesta? Anyway, this is literally a minute and 57 seconds long, so it doesn’t waste your time. Check it out if you like stuff by KYLE or enjoyed Aminé’s one hit, “Caroline”, although this isn’t really in the same range.

Top 10

Pretty busy week, let’s get into it quickly, because there’s not a lot to care about. “Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max is still at the top spot and has been for about five or six weeks now. “7 rings” by Ariana Grande’ll take this spot next week, although we do have competition.

These next three songs are the competition, including “Nothing Breaks like a Heart” by Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus up one spot to the runner-up space, number-two.

Post Malone’s “Wow.” is also up one spot to number-three – good for it, this is a great song and I’d love it to hit #1.

Now, our first top 10 debut this week, “Dancing with a Stranger” by Sam Smith and Normani, arriving at number-four. This is Smith’s 17th Top 40 hit in the UK, and his 11th Top 10, whilst this is Normani’s second Top 40 hit and first Top 10 hit, so congratulations, I suppose, even though this isn’t including Fifth Harmony, who were hitmakers in their own right. We’ll talk more about this later.

“Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse isn’t moving at number-five.

Collapsing down five spots to number-six is “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande.

Our second top 10 single that debuted in this spot is “Giant”, by Calvin Harris and Rag ‘n’ Bone Man, at number-seven. This is Harris’ 34th or 35th Top 40 hit and 24th Top 10, and Rag ‘n’ Bone Man’s 3rd Top 40 hit and 2nd Top 10 hit after his smash “Human”. We’ll talk more about this one later as well.

“Play” by Jax Jones featuring Years & Years is up three places to number-eight, becoming Jones’ 4th Top 10 hit and Years & Years’ 5th.

Once again, we have a debut in the top 10, this time at number-nine, as Gesaffelstein and the Weeknd collaborate once again for “Lost in the Fire”. This is Abel’s 17th Top 40 hit and 7th Top 10, while it’s Gesaffelstein’s first charting song as a credited solo artist ever, so congratulations. We’ll talk about this one more a bit later.

Finally, “Without Me” by Halsey is at #10, and it hasn’t moved from last week.

Climbers

We have two UK hip-hop songs gaining pretty highly here, one being pretty good - “Options” by NSG featuring Tion Wayne, up 11 spots to #14 – and the other being awful – “Gun Lean” by Russ splash is up five spaces to #34, but that’s it.

Fallers

These are a different story, however. “18HUNNA” by Headie One and Dave is down five to #11, “Rewrite the Stars” by James Arthur and Anne-Marie is down eight to #15, “Lost Without You” by Freya Ridings is down seven to #16, “Ruin My Life” by Zara Larsson is down five to #17, “ZEZE” by Kodak Black featuring Travis Scott and Offset is down six to #19, “Undecided” by Chris Brown is down six to #21, as is “Shotgun” by George Ezra to #22, and “Baby” by Clean Bandit, Marina and Luis Fonsi to #23, with the space of #24 being taken by “Thursday” by Jess Glynne, down five spaces since last week... but that’s not all. “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper is down six to #27, “This is Me” by Keala Settle and the Greatest Showman Ensemble is down eight to #31, “imagine” by Ariana Grande is down 13 to #33, “A Million Dreams” by P!nk is down 11 to #35, “Eastside” by benny blanco, Halsey and Khalid is down eight to #39 and finally “Woman Like Me” by Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj is down 12 to #40.

Dropouts

“Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora is out from #28, “SICKO MODE” by Travis Scott featuring Drake and Swae Lee is out from #36, “2002” by Anne-Marie is out from #37, “KIKA” by 6ix9ine featuring Tory Lanez is out from #32, “Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille is out from #35, “I’ll be There” by Jess Glynne is out from #40, “Grace” by Lewis Capaldi is out from #33 and “The Greatest Show” by Hugh Jackman, Keala Settle, Zac Efron, Zendaya and the Greatest Showman Ensemble is out from #38. That’s all, and there’s no returning entries, so let’s get straight to the main attraction.

NEW ARRIVALS

Yup, there’s eight of them. Let’s just blast through them as quickly as possible.

#38 – “Saturday Nights” – Khalid

Khalid is a great singer, and I’ve liked a lot of what he’s put out, but a full project from him would put me to sleep, hence I didn’t check out his EP he released last October titled Suncity. Thankfully, thanks to a remix with... Kane Brown of all people, it’s here for us to review, and as Khalid’s ninth top 40 hit, I can’t say it really stands up to his others. I think the guitar strumming has gotten a little too cliché in chill-pop, and I think Khalid was above following trends to a T, but he doesn’t really add anything except his sultry voice to what is essentially anyone’s instrumental, with off-kilter trap percussion and deep 808s, high-pitched vocal samples and again, that damn guitar. For some reason that guitar infuriates me so much, maybe it’s just because it’s so slick and runs through the entire song? This is entirely too polished and aggravatingly boring in that respect. Yeah, this is Khalid’s worst one yet. It’s exhaustingly overproduced, and not even his voice can save it.

#36 – “Leave Me Alone” – Flipp Dinero

...Is this post-trap?

Okay, so Flipp Dinero has been on the rise, and this is his first top 40 hit in the UK... and I honestly love it. We have this cutesy piano lead that’s so twinky it almost forgives the awfully cliché lyricism. In fact, everything here forgives that. Flipp Dinero’s raspy voice is a great contrast, and the trap beat here actually works because of how he flows over this, as it barely keeps up with him to the point that it has to add the producer tag and the “oh!” used in songs such as Nelly’s “Dilemma” and Travis Scott’s “3500” just to remind us it’s there. Flipp Dinero is freaking fantastic on this, and every “yuh” ad-lib is like an injection of happiness. There’s that flute you don’t even realise until Flipp stops (and no, he doesn’t do this often at all), and I haven’t even got into the hook. Not only is it insanely catchy, but it’s hilarious as Flipp sprays his heart out, with so much passion put into being mildly inconvenienced by a woman who wants to spend some time with him after they broke up. This is beautiful, and that’s not even sarcastic. This won’t be to everyone’s taste, but to me, this is so much fun. Better than the Michael Jackson song, though? Don’t even attempt the comparison.

#29 – “Someone You Loved” – Lewis Capaldi

God, this guy’s boring, and he doesn’t understand how music works. See, the vocals on the song are supposed to make sense relative to the instrumental, and if they don’t, there has to be justification or purposeful juxtaposition (see: “Leave Me Alone”). On “Grace”, he sounded out of place, and on his 2nd Top 40 hit, he sounds bored over a repetitive, droning piano melody. Lewis Capaldi strains his voice to James Arthur levels of undeserved intensity, and while Capaldi is definitely a better singer than Arthur, he’s just as lacking in any compelling content, delivery or personality. Does anyone actually care about Lewis Capaldi and what he has to say? No. No one does, because he’s Lewis Capaldi. We only found out we existed in England, and we’ve quite literally made his songs interchangeable, as his last hit dropped out this week. God, this guy is a bore in three minutes and two seconds. Leave me alone.

#25 – “Longshot” – Catfish and the Bottlemen

If I was still an indie/alternative rock-head like I used to be, I would be able to tell you all about Catfish and the Bottlemen because from what I heard, they were pretty damn good, actually. I’ve liked “7” and I heard their first album, it was okay, but I always knew there was a lack of a real hook to the band, that could blow them up, and I assume they’ve just found it, because this is their first top 40 hit in the UK, and, yeah, it’s pretty good. I like the intense build-up of that one guitar pluck until it just drops into a light pop-rock instrumental with enough power and distortion on the guitars and vocals to make it unique. There’s this ticking sound in the chorus that annoys me, but otherwise, it’s definitely a nice, catchy sing-a-long hook. Whilst I’ve never been all too fond on Van McCann’s somewhat nasal voice, I definitely think it works in the context of these poppier bangers, and like he says in the chorus, the little things do make me smile, as this instrumental is very intricately-layered without being cluttered. I love the passion in McCann’s “woo!” followed by a couple guitar strokes, I just think that’s a great moment you couldn’t exactly replicate with non-live instruments, as that chemistry between vocalist and band is important. This song overall? Yeah, I’m definitely getting back into these guys because this was fantastic. I love the mic feedback at the end and I’m actually really intrigued to what that leads up to on the album.

#13 – “Hello My Love” – Westlife

Why was this performed on the National Television Awards? Guys, you’re Westlife, you’re a music group. Talking about outrageous trivia, can you believe this, Westlife’s 28th Top 40 hit is literally just three minutes of nothing? It’s insane how popular these guys are yet they can get away with stuff like this when they reform for their first song in nearly a decade.

#9 – “Lost in the Fire” – Gesaffelstein and the Weeknd

The lyrical content on this one sucks. This is “Lost in the Fire”, and there are a few lines that are just really creepy, if anything, and really play up Bella Hadid’s sexuality for what seems like cheap views, because there’s really nothing else these dudes haven’t done that doesn’t sound exactly like this. They didn’t even make cover art, that’s how lazy these guys are. The groove’s semi-decent, I suppose, but there’s little to no build up and I feel like it really doesn’t have much of interest to talk about, which shouldn’t be true for a Weeknd song. The personality of Abel is obvious in other songs and albums, and his portrayal of this character is what makes him so intriguing. So where is he here? Is a Drake diss what the Weeknd would do, or what Abel would do? Now that is the question. Oh, yeah, and the synths here don’t exist. This song is boring as hell.

#7 – “Giant” – Calvin Harris and Rag ‘n’ Bone Man

Now, I like Rag ‘n’ Bone Man. Like Ed Sheeran, although I don’t like all – actually, a lot – of his music doesn’t mean I don’t like how genuine he is. He’s a normal, average guy who’s been releasing EPs, found a label and had the break-out hit written for him, so now he’s famous. There’s no nepotism, no cheap industry plant tactics, just pure talent getting him this far, and I respect that. So this sucks so much, like, wow, Rag ‘n’ Bone Man goes way too hard on this basic, lightweight synth-funk-inflected deep house beat. The trumpet drop is so pathetic it would make J Balvin and OMI laugh Harris off as an amateur. That shouldn’t be happening for someone 15 years and nearly 15 #1s into their career. I won’t be too mean on Rag ‘n’ Bone Man, though, he did his best, and he probably didn’t even hear the beat prior. What’s with the chanting at the end, though? That’s just odd.

#4 – “Dancing with a Stranger” – Sam Smith and Normani

So, some finger-snaps, Sam Smith humming seductively, and then that house beat kicks in and we get to pleasure our ears with a nice Sam Smith house track, because we totally need more of his entirely unfitting voice over slick, incredibly well-produced beats. Normani sounds absolutely amazing, and that subtle guitar in this beat is a nice touch, so nice it may just be essential to actually try and enjoy this song, because it’s not like these guys have chemistry (I mean, apart from the obvious reasons they wouldn’t have chemistry, guys, at least pretend this could happen).I guess this is okay, but its existence just tires me. Who wanted another one of these, really?

Conclusion

Since “Blackjack” is not applicable, we have eight to choose from (wow), and Best of the Week should be obvious, as it’s going to Flipp Dinero for “Leave Me Alone”. Yup, that’s right, that song’s a banger and a half. Catfish and the Bottlemen were damn close though, so they do get the Honourable Mention for “Longshot”. Worst of the Week goes to Gesaffelstein and the Weeknd for “Lost in the Fire”. Man, that just reeks of wasted potential. Dishonourable Mention? It could be a toss-up between any one of these guys. Pick your poison. Choose your fighter. See ya!