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taminoarticles · 3 years ago

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— Tamino for CRUSH Fanzine, Issue 14 / 2018 (x)

Tamino (Habibi)

Photographed by Nicolas Wagner Interview by Ariel Kenig Styled by Marie Revelut Tamino is wearing Ann Demeulemeester

I'm crazy about him. His music is like a shock to the system. His name is Tamino, and I met him via CRUSHfanzine’s co-editor, Nicolas Wagner, who decided to shoot my new crush while he was in Paris. But Tamino is not only a crush. We could call it love, admiration — the ultimate crush. I am reminded of those rare times when discovering an artist forces you to compare his immensity to others. To err is human, I guess. And yet, when faced with two figures, two faces, two pyramids, the brain needs to differentiate shapes and shades in order to better recognize them. I met Tamino, asked him a few questions. I had a serious look on my face. It didn't last long. Not long enough. Here is my transcript…

“My paternal grandfather died when I was 5 years old. He lived in Cairo. I was always familiar with his songs, primarily via cassettes that my mother would play me when I was little. She thought it was very important that I know where I come from. It's a little strange to see him on YouTube. My dad takes care of those types of things, but it's not easy. My grandfather never really thought about his legacy. There are other singers, like Abdel Halim Hafez, who are still alive and are better known today than my grandfather. His music is everywhere. It would probably be a good thing if my family took steps to showcase this heritage. My grandfather was the first Egyptian singer to play electric guitar on stage. He listened to Elvis Presley… he wrote part of his music himself. As for myself, I write alone. And I do almost everything all by myself. I've been working with a producer whom I met two years ago, on an EP at first. We had such good chemistry that we re-recorded my song “Cigar” together. I told him about my video concept, of that skeleton that stars in the clip, and he produced the song with that idea in mind. That's what I like about him and the guy he's in a two-man band with: they think not only in terms of sound, but of entity. They want to capture the essence of an artist and take it to such-or-such particular idea they have of him, portray him in this or that way, and in my case, take the project to quite majestic heights. You may find it funny, but I don’t write “sad” songs. I mean, I'm not telling the story of a guy sitting alone on his bed with his guitar... I like more epic, more “regal” things. I love Belgian surrealism, that I connect in my work to more Eastern or romantic references. For me, it's a logical juxtaposition... I've not been to Egypt for five or six years, but I'm going back next week. I can’t wait. I like to go closer to the Red Sea, in the less touristy places. I don't have a TV, I don't read the press, and I deleted my Facebook account. I stay abreast of what's happening in Egypt via YouTube. It's strange for me to see that these wars that are rocking the Arab world have existed for thousands of years…

Facebook has too many distractions. I need to stay focused in some sort of flow, to work every day for a long time, whether I end up writing only two sentences or an entire melody. All in all, if you include all the projects and bands in which I participated, I must have written over a hundred songs. For my album, we recorded 18, of which we'll keep 11 of 12. Right now, we're working on mixing it. I studied at the Conservatory, in the popular music department, which gave me a lot of freedom. I worked on my Voice and I continue to maintain it. I am careful not to scream in bars when the music is too loud. It’s easy to end up screaming without even realizing... Although these days, I don't go out much... I don’t have the time. And I have no personal life! [Laughs.] It’s true, it's crazy. I am 21 years old. My life is a little different. You're never around, and when you come out, your friends are surprised: “What? I thought you were in a relationship, I thought you moved.” I don’t feel the age difference with the people I work with. When I was younger, I was very shy, and at the same time, I needed to express myself. It was a weird combination. Nowadays, I'm lining up the tour dates. Our last concert in Paris, at La Maroquinerie, was very moving. My two musicians cried in the middle of the concert. I was getting dewy-eyed myself. It was so intense, to be so well-received in another country. I was reminded of one of our first concerts in Belgium... I think the album will be both an extension of the EP and a synthesis between two themes: romance that can both lift you up and make you vulnerable because you can fall at any time, and indifference to life, in the meaning we give to it, our investment in it. Everyone has a dark side but… I don't know... I do not only write somber music, but I know myself a little bit, so… It's sometimes cumbersome... When you spend too much time looking in the mirror, you end up doing nothing... Sometimes, it's better to just “do,” and the song may tell you something about yourself. A song written in twenty minutes, without too much thinking. This earring? I found it in an old cupboard. It's my mother’s. I'm not sure that she ever wore it.

#tamino #tamino amir #crush fanzine #article #interview #english #2018 #with photoshoot #original text #HUGE thanks to mahdisehel on instagram for sending this to me!! and for not finding my out of the blue dm weird i am forever grateful #tumblr has a character limit for each block so i have to split the text up #i like this interview!!#i can finally rest easy

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theageoftheunderstatement · 2 years ago

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Newsweek Magazine: Arctic Monkeys Change Direction Yet Again on 'The Car'

Written by David Chiu, 24/10/2022

When Arctic Monkeys released their sixth studio album, Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino, in 2018, it was viewed as a dramatic left turn for the British band primarily known for their guitar-charged indie rock and the distinct lyrics of frontman Alex Turner. For that record, the British quartet incorporated ornate psychedelic and lounge-pop influences that leaned toward Burt Bacharach and the Beach Boys, with the piano becoming more prominent than the guitar. Yet, those noticeable shifts didn't appear to alienate the band's diehard fans when Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino became the band's sixth consecutive number one album in the U.K.

After that stylistic detour, fans might have expected Arctic Monkeys—Turner, drummer Matt Helders, bassist Nick O'Malley and guitarist Jamie Cook—to return to the earlier brash rock for their next album. But the band from Sheffield remains determined to evolve and defy expectations, as indicated by The Car, released October 21 via Domino Records. It's a continuation of the trippy and elegant after-hours vibe mined on Tranquility Base, although the music—featuring strings and horns this time—sounds more loose, atmospheric and expansive.

"I think there's this idea of when starting a new record [is the] 'we're-not-gonna-make-it-anything-like-the-last-one,'" the pensive Turner tells Newsweek. "But what I realize more often than not is they all seem to bleed into each other. It's only now when I've got this one under the microscope, I realized how much of that is true. I was probably trying to get away from things we've done on that last record. But I think there's still some of that kind of hanging over here into [The Car], but hopefully not to the extent where it isn't also reaching some new places that we haven't been before as well."

A listen to The Car (produced by longtime collaborator James Ford) immediately draws comparisons to the music of such artists as David Bowie (somewhere between his Young Americans and Station to Station albums), Serge Gainsbourg, Nick Cave and Scott Walker as well as '70s R&B and glam—and yet it still sounds like Arctic Monkeys. "I find it a bit more difficult than I have in the past to draw a line between records of other artists and this thing," Turner says. "I could probably pencil in a few. Perhaps the things I've sort of absorbed for a relatively long period of time now just influenced the process but in a more subtle way than having a discussion saying, 'Let's try and do a song like this' or something. It feels a little more unspoken now. Perhaps I'm just still too close to it in the moment."

Unlike Tranquility Base, whose theme centered on a futuristic hotel on the moon, The Car doesn't primarily focus on a particular subject running through the songs' enigmatic lyrics. "I think there is a theme or feel that runs through this whole record, but I don't think it's exclusive to the words," Turner explains. "It's almost easier to latch on to a theme if I take the words out of it for a minute and focus on what the feel of everything else is doing. I think that the lyrics are sometimes subscribing to that feel. And if there is a theme that runs through it, it's more along those lines than it is about XYZ, if that makes any sense at all."

"The first thing I wrote through it was this instrumental section at the beginning of the album," he continues. "Everything that came after that was written after that. It felt like it has a relationship with what was being evoked in that instrumental section. I wouldn't be leaning into the idea of it's just another 10 songs that aren't connected in any way. But at the same time, I don't think I can pin down a theme, not in a succinct sentence anyway."

The first single released off The Car, "There'd Better Be a Mirrorball," carries an air of melancholy amid the gorgeous strings and prominent piano lines, as Turner sings wistfully: "So if you want to walk me to the car you ought to know I have a heavy heart, so can we please be absolutely sure that there's a mirror ball."

"Obviously, you're describing the lead-up to some sort of goodbye line," Turner says, "and suddenly a mirrorball drops into the middle of that situation, which somehow doesn't seem totally incongruous in my mind. Perhaps on some level, the mirrorball is kind of synonymous with the closing of the show or something like that. But I think what I was imagining is carrying someone's suitcase to the car and then the lighting suddenly changes and the mirrorball drops in the middle of that situation. It's like, 'What's going on there?'I think it does feel like there are a few goodbyes here and there."

Introduced by beautiful acoustic guitar picking, the lyrical setting of "Mr. Schwartz" seems to take place at a movie shoot, which seems appropriate given the cinematic feeling of the song and the album. "There is a feeling of that behind-the-scenes of the production," Turner says. "That idea is not exclusive to or contained within just that song....It feels like there is something going on in the background of all these songs, like sort of a production: There's someone with a clipboard somewhere and somebody's up a ladder not too far from where these things are going on. The character of Mr. Schwartz was something that kind of did present itself to me in very real life, but sort of has been allowed to become a character in a song, I suppose."

The sweeping "Body Paint," the latest single, may be the most brash song of the collection. There are moments of electric guitar bursting through the lush orchestrations, while Turner's vocalizing echoes Bowie's '70s soul boy phase. It opens with a line Steely Dan or Prefab Sprout could have written: "For a master of deception and subterfuge you've made yourself quite the bed to lie in." Explains Turner: "It definitely does get pretty sparkly in the guitar toward the end of that. It's loud...more than I had expected it from the sketches of that song that we had before. I had it down for something that was gentle at the beginning. But during the session, there was something that was more lively that wanted to come out there at the end. I think that songs always continue to reveal themselves even sometimes after they've been recorded. We played the version of that on stage for the first time the other day, and it definitely seemed like it's still got somewhere to go. It's becoming a more exaggerated version of itself."

The Car marks another maturation and evolution in Arctic Monkeys' sound. Its release falls on the 20th anniversary of the band's formation. The hype surrounding Arctic Monkeys' arrival in the post-Britpop era has since become the stuff of legend: their early recordings were burned on CDs and given away at their shows, which prompted fans to upload them online. After signing with indie label Domino, Arctic Monkeys released 2006's Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not, which hit number one in the U.K. and became that country's biggest-selling debut. Since then, it has been hit albums, touring and festival appearances for the band. On his end, Turner has been engaged with a side project, the Last Shadow Puppets, whose elaborate sounds may have been a prelude to the music of Tranquility Base and The Car.

"It was the summer of 2002 when we first got all the way through the same song at the same time together," he recalls. "We still are friends like we were before it started, and still trusting each other and our instincts in the same way. " The fact that Arctic Monkeys never made the same album twice most likely contributed to their longevity and friendship. It's been a progression that was more natural than calculated.

"When I cast my mind back to 20 years ago," says Turner, "there's always been something inherently uncooperative. I don't know if that somehow has translated to each time we've been faced with the task of making something new. There's something about not wanting to kind of cooperate with our perception of what we think that should be. I suppose you can arrive at the idea that if one record was successful, the next one should try and emulate or bark up the same tree as that one was. We're not having the board meeting where we're kind of discussing that out loud to that extent. The whole thing in the first place was done on a hunch, on an instinct, and I think that's something we're just still paying attention to, that same instinct all the way along. That's the through line."

Arctic Monkeys will be touring the U.K., Ireland, North America and South America the rest of this year and into 2023. Having branched out on their last two records, it wouldn't be surprising if their next record tackled another genre, perhaps hip-hop or ambient music. Turner says. "Yeah, why not? I'd have to give it some more thought. When I think about my perception of the way people make dance music, I am interested in that approach to it. I'm not saying that it's something I want to do, but I'm interested in watching somebody do it or something for an afternoon."

#interview #arctic monkeys #alex turner #the car era #newsweek magazine 2022 #it's an interview in october but i think it wasn't posted here?#i love how he described there'd better be a mirrorball and mr. schwartz here

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epersonae · 3 years ago

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A day being like

Get woken up by cat way too early

Feed the cat

Go back to sleep

Wake up the usual amount of early, write the beginning of a new fic

Wear one of their t-shirts

Walk in the beautiful sunny morning and take pictures of flowers and think about those few days at home over the holiday weekend before they died

Have a totally normal conversation with the barista, show off the fat bees tattoo without explaining that it's in memory of them

Draw a tarot card, remember the card I drew while I was home last year (4 of wands: that deck, which they gave me, is still in time out)

Edit a chapter to post a day late, chat about editing suggestions with my beta

Realize that the next chapter has some Big Sad content so maybe I will try to post it on time

Wonder if they would have encouraged this terrible new idea I started last night, remember the day in 2018 when I wrote something I didn't even ship and they said it was the best kiss I'd ever written

Water the veggies, remember how I had to let last year's garden die, get mad at my old landlord again

Eat open-faced cheese and tomato sandwiches, wish for someone to share the tomato with, remember that Ryn hated tomatoes but they tried once for me

Nap

Wonder if they would have been friends with people I've met through ofmd

Get excited that Emi is liking the mafia AU that I like

Update Straight Guy Friend about who's going to be here next weekend, read his DM grumping about his new copy of Sunset Tree on vinyl has a scratch, remind each other why everyone was excited for cassette and CD back in the day (look at Ryn's record player, the disc on it that I just bought, think again how it was being made while they were still alive, I think, but they never got to hear it)

Remember that yesterday was their best friend's birthday, hope her copy arrives soon

Rubber ducking in video chat

Write a half a sentence of a fic

Write two sentences of a different fic

Feed the cat

My weekly zoom call with my knitting group, hear all about someone's job hunt, give each other project advice, joke about being able to spot common projects "in the wild"

Spent 15 minutes trying to decide whether to go to [redacted] to return something, because [redacted] works there, or at least did several months ago. Do it anyway, he's not there, it's fine.

Get a new idea for how to resolve a plot point while reading discord in the sonic drive thru

Sing out loud in the car on the way home wishing I could sing to them

Don't cry, somehow, all day (so far)

#This is sad week #Don't know why I'm sharing this #Except that: the grief is just all around me at all times

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vibraniumwing · 4 years ago

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my stars know about you.

a sam wilson x fem!reader blurb wherein sam finds the old videos the reader has when he was snapped away.

WARNING: a bit of angst and tfatws spoilers for those who haven't watched but aside from that, nothing else.

A/N: ha yes hello i impulsively wrote this bcs my muse was so high all of a sudden and i have this monologue ready for it. listened to this playlist right here and wendy ft. john legend’s written in the stars <3 also, is this still a blurb ??

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Sam had promised you he would clean around the house while you go on a fun little weekend with Sarah and the boys, wanting to give you more time to relax and be around his family; his lips churning up into a small yet giddy smile at the thought of the small velvet box hiding somewhere in your shared room that contained the necklace you’ve been eyeing whenever the two of you could go out.

He was half-way done with the things hidden in your work drawer when he came across a flash drive that had a label written on it called visual diary. His brows furrowed lightly as walked to his side of the office, opening his laptop and plugged it in, opening the files to see multiple videos titled with dates, the first one from all the way back in 2018.

Sam shifted in his seat, clicking on that certain video only to be greeted by your tear-stained face and bloodshot eyes, under eyes dark from the possible lack of sleep. His heart dropped at the distraught look on your face as you took a deep breath in before looking into the camera.

“hey sam, it’s me. it’s一 it’s been exactly five days since Nat called me about how you were one of the people who, unfortunately, got snapped into non-existence.”

The way you spoke caused goosebumps to form along his skin, realizing that these were probably videos you'd made five years ago, when the snap happened. Sam’s heart was shattered at how lost you looked from the other side of the screen, wanting nothing more than to cradle you in his arms.

“I’m with Sarah right now, she’s sleeping in her room with Aj and Cass. She’s been strong, but you can see the worry in her eyes一 she’s holding up much better than I am though. I’ve been such a mess, I can’t look into the mirror without seeing… feeling you beside me. I miss you.”

Sam stopped the video, his own tears starting to choke him upon seeing the state that you and his younger sister have been. He knew that it was hard, after seeing Sarah struggle with the family business and keeping things together; seeing you wake up at night with cold sweat glistening on your skin as you jolted up from yet another nightmare of him not coming back.

He wanted to stop from diving deep into the videos but his curiosity was stronger. He scrolled through some more videos, randomly clicking on one.

This time, Sam was greeted with a somewhat cheery you, out on the hill you first confessed your attraction to him一 the same night he admitted that he loves you more than a friend, where everything started between the both of you.

“hey there, handsome. i surely hope you can recognize where i’m at right now, if not, then i guess i’m kicking your ass.”

He chuckled, finding your humor amusing despite how lackluster your tone was as you spoke into the camera. Sam reached up to trace your features that were present on his screen, remembering every single feature of yours, engraving it into the forefront of his mind.

“today’s the day we’re supposed to celebrate our first anniversary, sammy. we should’ve been in hawaii by now, swimming with the fishes or explore the beauty of that island. instead, i’m here, in my car alone on the hill where we first admitted our feelings for each other.”

Sam didn’t fail to notice how you were trying your best to hold back your tears, taking note of how your tongue poked the inside of your cheek一 a habit he noticed you would do whenever fighting strong emotions一 and he whispered a small, “Don’t hold your tears back, sweetheart.” and as if you heard him, you let out a small chuckle.

“if you were here right now, i know you would say something like, “don’t bottle those tears up, beautiful” or something along those lines. i want you to know that i’m trying, sam. but it’s hard, it’s been five long months since you’ve been gone and i don’t know how long i can last without hearing you say you love me or your obnoxious laughter that would resonate through the house.”

“I love you, baby.” was all that left Sam’s lips, tongue jutting out to dampen his lips as he listened to you speak, mind blank as too many thoughts about what he wants to say to you as of the moment are too much.

“i’ve told the stars about your laughter. it’s niche and cliche, i know, but mom told me to tell them all about the people i treasure the most whenever i can’t tell others about them.”

“i told them about how beautiful you are一 about how scintillating your eyes are that they could battle even the brightest star in the sky tonight. i let my stars know about how amazing of a chef you are even though you almost burnt my old apartment’s kitchen down because you forgot about the cake you tried so hard to bake.”

Sam cringed at the memory, nose scrunching up in disbelief that he could forget such a simple task; he spent the night apologizing and all you ever did was smile and lean in to give him a kiss in hopes to shut him up.

“i told my stars about how brilliant you are一 how your words are so deep even with the shortest sentences, about how you can easily captivate me and a bunch of others with the stories that you speak… about how much love you have for me and for everyone you care for. it never ceases to amaze me how you can stand up and fight for the people that you love.”

At this point, Sam was already in tears as you shared about how you spoke about him. He adored how your eyes were filled with that well-known fondness you have whenever you speak about something you love.

As the video ended, Sam was left to look at the reflection of himself on the screen, staring at his reflection as your words echoed in his mind. He always listened to you ramble on about how everyone’s destiny was written somewhere in the skies, their lives aligned like the constellations that shined bright in the nighttime.

Normally, he would brush it off, skeptic to that belief but as he tuned into your stories, he can’t help but believe that in what you were saying. Sam was about to play another video when he heard the familiar jangle of your keys in the front door.

Sam pulled out of his chair and raced over there to meet you, immediately engulfing you in a tight hug before you could even close the door. “Hello, beautiful.” he softly greeted, pulling away to place a light kiss on your temple. “How was your weekend away with Sarah and the boys?”

You chuckled softly at the sudden affection he was giving, dropping your duffel bag on the floor to wrap your arms around his torso, feeling how relaxed he was against you. “It was great! Could’ve been better if you were there to be with us.” you answered, reaching up to peck his lips a few times, making the latter smile. “What’s with the affection? Did you break something, Samuel? Wait一 were you crying?”

He shook his head, adamant in admitting that he was, he lifted you up easily as he took you over to your shared office, sitting back down on his office chair with you in his lap as he showed you the compilation of the videos, “I… I found the flash drive while cleaning and I got a little too curious and decided to see what was on it and well, turns out I got a bit more than what I expected.”

“I was going to show them to you one day, Sam.” you admitted, making yourself comfortable as you snuggled up to him, his arms laced around you securely. “But I wanted to make it a bit more… special since this was a very vulnerable time for me.” the softness in your voice made him curl a single digit under your chin to make you look at him.

“I’m sorry that I left you alone for that long, baby girl.” Sam apologized, feeling incredibly guilty for leaving. Despite knowing it wasn’t his fault, he couldn’t bring himself to accept that you and his sister had to spend so many years without him. “I know you’ve told me multiple times that I shouldn’t say sorry, but I can’t help it. You’ve waited for so long.”

“And I’ll wait a million more if it meant I could be with you.” you cut him off, shifting slightly to make you face him completely. “You can go anywhere, anytime, for how long and I would wait for you to come back every single time. So please don’t feel guilty about it, love.” your hands holding the sides of his face as you start to pepper it with gentle kisses.

You smile at his peaceful expression, “My heart is in peace knowing that we’re written somewhere in the stars.” you say to him softly, squishing his cheeks in a playful manner, light laughter filling up the room.

Sam smiled, sealing the feather-like kisses with his lips on yours, capturing it for an intimate one that conveyed how much love he has for you, resting his forehead on yours right after. “You know that I love you, right Y/N?”

“I do and I love you so much more, Sam.”

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TAGLIST: @https-bvcky @harrysweasleys @selenasprompts @weasleytwins-41 @anchoeritic @marvel-diaries @demirunner @barneswidow @lovecroftreads @punkrific @6r4cie @yougottalovefandoms @swiftssss

to those whose urls are in bold, i can't tag you for some reason. join my taglist! it's in my main main masterlist <3

#sam wilson #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson x y/n #sam wilson x you #sam wilson imagine #sam wilson imagines #sam wilson fic #sam wilson fics #sam wilson drabble #sam wilson drabbles #sam wilson fluff #mcu #marvel x reader

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vibraniumphoenix · 4 years ago

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my stars know about you. [ s.w ]

a sam wilson x fem!reader blurb wherein sam finds the old videos the reader has when he was snapped away.

WARNING: a bit of angst and tfatws spoilers for those who haven’t watched but aside from that, nothing else.

updated a/n: BYE I FORGOT THAT I WROTE THIS AKDFNKFJN my heart is so soft hhhh

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“hey sam, it’s me. it’s一 it’s been exactly five days since Nat called me about how you were one of the people who, unfortunately, got snapped into non-existence.”

The way you spoke caused goosebumps to form along his skin, realizing that these were probably videos you’d made five years ago, when the snap happened. Sam’s heart was shattered at how lost you looked from the other side of the screen, wanting nothing more than to cradle you in his arms.

He wanted to stop from diving deep into the videos but his curiosity was stronger. He scrolled through some more videos, randomly clicking on one.

“hey there, handsome. i surely hope you can recognize where i’m at right now, if not, then i guess i’m kicking your ass.”

“i’ve told the stars about your laughter. it’s niche and cliche, i know, but mom told me to tell them all about the people i treasure the most whenever i can’t tell others about them.”

“I do and I love you so much more, Sam.”

---

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taekooktimeline · 4 years ago

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December 31st, 2019 / January 1st, 2020

Following New Year’s Countdown, members take turns to talk about their resolutions. Tae says he wants to occupy himself with activities that heal his mind, although we understand it’s simply to maintain or - if possible - increase the level of happiness he experienced during 2019 as he said it was a happy year.

Jungkook interjects, interested in knowing whom he would do such activities with. If we go over prior events we can see that Tae had been going on trips with his family and various friends, including him & the wooga squad on a yacht, while Jk saw his own friends and relatives, complaining about Jhope and Jimin being the only members he had seen during their 1 month-long vacation on mid 2019, which could or could not be true, but if Taekook briefly saw each other they wouldn’t have been able to go anywhere outside an apartment. Jungkook could be bothered by this lack of private adventures and shared experiences (disregarding their variety shows). Wooga squad had also met up during Christmas Eve. Again, we don’t know if Tk spent some little time together or not.

Tae responds by saying there are many things that he can do alone. That answer doesn’t quite satisfy Jungkook who asks “not with us?”. It seems like Jungkook thought that they could be hanging out more than what they were and that Taehyung was going overboard with the closeting to the point of slightly distancing himself (although not reaching awkwardness like they later tried to sell).

Jungkook actually wrote a song that could give insight into this situation since it could have been written around this time. The Japanese demo was finished before March 2020 since it was first mentioned then, probably written only a few months before. Jk drew a big, artistic eye on a whiteboard on Dec 4th, which suggests he was already working on the songs’ adaptation to the Japanese film which gave it its name. This means he wrote the Korean version before December of 2019 and it had nothing to do with the pandemic. “Your Eyes Tell” talks about Jk being fearful of someone leaving him, even crying over it. He wants this person to believe him when he says that he wants a future with them no matter the hardships, even if he can’t say it out loud yet (meaning not ready to come out yet?) and his past demons haunt him sometimes (his lowest being late 2017/ early 2018). To believe him when he says that he finds this “darkness” to be beautiful if they are together. He says the world would be dull without the other and that he won’t take his eyes off of this person making sure that they don’t leave his side. If we assume this person to be Tae then, for whatever reason, Jk sensed that Tae was doubting Jk’s determination to keep going with their relationship, maybe due to the added difficulties that came with living in different apartments since around July 2019 and the weight of the prolonged closeting strategies. Jk may have interpreted the beginning of what seemed like a distancing as some sort of test where Tae gave him an easy way out or feared that if the situation progressed in this direction Tae would end up falling into thoughts that went something like “I should be the one to put an end to this for Jungkook’s sake” so he instead reassured him about his love through a ballad. It’s unclear whether Jk had real reasons to worry or he was just insecure about the changes in their relationship (living situation + heavier closeting = less private time together) and linking them to Tae’s past tendencies where he thought Jk would be better off without him.

Continuing with the topic, the night prior to this vlive Tae announced that he had recently written the first version of a song. It was written somewhere between the 14th & the 31st of December of 2019 and it seems like he was talking about “Sweet Night”, a song that was said to be completed by the start of March 2020 for the drama “Itaewon Class”. While we think that this song is based on Tae’s past experiences (finding common ground with the drama) from when he first realized he was deeply in love, unsure if the other still felt the same way, it was necessary for him to be able to relive the emotions he once felt, as he explained about his general creation process. The song tells that they had already crossed the line or grazed it at some points, but the sentence “are you my best friend?” & the part where he regrets realizing he’s in love only after the opportunity had passed are much more fitting to earlier in their relationship when things had never been labeled as romantic nor gotten serious, prior to an actual relationship ever ensuing which only happens at the end of the drama (not compatible with their mutual, unwavering gestures of love & compromise done throughout the previous years in addition to them “hiding” things like them sharing hotel room = having a serious relationship). The adaptation of Tae’s beloved webtoon inspired him to rediscover these emotions as it was also an opportunity to be part of an OST for a drama that his friend had a role in, but it also makes you wonder if he was truly in danger of going through the regression that Jk feared, Tae’s mind going back to the time they missed out on love. The song includes phrases such as “now my forever is falling down wondering if you’d want me now”, “I wonder if you are too good to be true” & “guess we were ships in the night” (meeting for a brief moment, or coming close to doing so, but then losing sight of each other due to the darkness). This last sentence is perhaps the most worrisome because it feels timeless, easily applicable to his musings at the time of writing, knowing they have to hold on tight to not part ways again because, as Jk reassuringly says in YET: “even this darkness we see is beautiful”.

”Sweet Night” opens with the lyrics “on my pillow/can’t get me tired/sharing my fragile truth”. On the 14th of December of 2019 Tae said he couldn't sleep well those days and that it could be due to it being the end of the year. It’s something he recouringly has trouble with so it can remind him of other occasions in which he had that problem. He usually writes down his emotions in his diary and revisits them. He also mentioned Itaewon Class.

On the 31st of December he then said he wrote a song.

The 6th of March of 2020 he talks about “Sweet Night”. He was saying it was hard to convey how he wanted the instrumental to sound to the staff (“express what’s in his mind”), but it was completed briefly before this vlive.

Regardless, “Your Eyes Tell” tries to retain someone BEFORE the end approaches, acting as a reassurance in case the other doubts (similar to “My Time”, released in February of 2020, where he promises they’ll overcome the restrictions), and we don’t think they broke up in 2019 due to many reasons, among them Tae saying in his final comments that it was a happy year with no particularly sad moments. January 25th was then the start of Tae being quite loud on Weverse throughout 2020 by mentioning Jungkook the most out of the members on free will (disregarding their iconic public exchange initiated by Jk on the 15th) and giving special attention to Jk-related questions as well as Taekook-related usernames. An indication of Jk’s efforts having an effect and Tae feeling encouraged to add subtle ways in which he could play with or challenge the exaggerated closeting limitations? An interesting set of rings also appeared within the month of January and it must’ve been Tae who gave Jk two rings out of the set of five that he initially wore himself. Jk held dearly onto them.

#taekook #taekooktimeline #191231 #December 2019 #2019 #theories

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vanillabutspicy · 4 years ago

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Hi! Happy FFWF!! Is there a sentence or scene that you can vividly see in your mind while reading it? Is it from your own fic (and ofc add a shameless plug in if it is) or is is from someone else's fic? Also, what made you interested in drawing and writing fanfic?

(Peaches made me curious lmaooo, also sorry for the bombarding of questions!)

Happy ffwf croisty!!

I like this question because I can talk about someone else's writing!! The first thing that came to mind is the beginning of Just A Taste by @tofuandtattoos which lives rent free in my mind and yes I see it SO CLEARLY. It's one of those moments that lasts so long but in the best way because it's so loaded and the tension just keeps escalating from the smallest gestures. I love it. They're just standing in the kitchen making dinner and then suddenly it's erotic. Um, I live for that.

As for how I got into fan art and fanfics, omg wow this answer turned so lonngggggg I need to put it in after a cut.

It was sort of a bunch of things that came together for me to land here. I watched ATLA for the first time in 2018, and it was so long after it aired that I didn't even think to look into the fandom of it all. Then when it was put on netflix, that was right around the same time that I started to figure out reddit, so I realized I could find an ATLA community!

At the same time, I was enjoying the summer weather by working outside on my deck in a lawn chair every day, with very poor posture, and it led to a back injury because of a preexisting vertebral defect that I had no idea I had! PSA: ergonomics are important!!!!!! Anyway, I had to change my way of being and existing and spending time in the world to avoid pain. I needed a sedentary hobby and I also needed an outlet for the fact that there were things I wanted to do that I couldn't physically do without severe pain for a while.

Plus, in those reddit ATLA communities, I was very disappointed with what I found when I went looking for some spicy content. Kataang was so underrepresented! As if their relationship is too boring. And most of the art that I saw (of any of the pairings) often put female characters in poses/scenarios where they were objectified or demeaned. Not at all the kind of scenes I would associate with a relationship like kataang. (I did find some wonderful kataang art but it was from artists who stopped drawing them years ago, which was also very sad... and when I think of how much was potentially lost in the tumblr purge I'm just fjkhdsghkjdsg ugh it's tragic.)

So the name "vanillabutspicy" was really inspired by my spite against the reddit content that I didn't like LOL. And I started drawing it to prove a point, to keep myself entertained, to scratch an itch, and just to wallow in the wonderful goodness that is kataang. Because oh boy you just know they'd have the most fulfilling times.

I started writing for similar reasons. I liked reading fanfic, but I hadn't found the exact story that I wanted to read, so I wrote it myself. Writing and drawing have both been so great for me personally. I honestly don't know what I'd be doing with my free time right now if not for this fandom. Probably knitting I guess? My friends circle would look different for sure. Life be cray sometimes, in the best ways.

#ffwf #happy ffwf!#I love my fandom friends #uwu #croisty

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maryannechisholmart · 4 years ago

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An Artist Emerges

This is a story about my past.

The idea of telling my story is so immense, it is almost insurmountable, overwhelming. It was painful for all involved. For me personally it was a time of self examination, and self-destruction.

My story was not told in the traditional sense, it was told through art.

In the beginning I remember feeling so much anger, and so much despair. I didn’t think I would ever believe in anything, or anyone again.

I was in prison, after being sentenced in 2005 to 27 to 32 years, for white collar crimes another man I confessed to. While this was happening more and more charges were piled on. I watched the real time destruction of my character; our lives and everyone I loved. I watched people I had considered friends sell my freedom, in exchange for keeping material things.

The longest charge I had was for corporate board of directors insurance fraud, 19.25 years. My signature stamp was used on a form, and the only claim filed was not by me. It would have only paid in the event of my death. After this, It was actually rescinded, no damages were claimed. I was given 19.25 years for that charge. In Arizona, ignorance of the crime is not defense of the crime. In Arizona the CEO is culpable.

The first thing they did was take all of our money. The second thing they did was disgorge all of our attorney fees so we had no representation. The third thing they did was file a civil lawsuit and said if we defended ourselves, it would be used against us for prosecution. We were forced to stand back and watch. The state only wanted the money, and they took it all, including our home.

My husband was not allowed in the courtroom My entire support network were named witnesses so they could not appear in the courtroom to support me. On the last day I finally burst into tears which was reported in the papers.

Through this I felt like I couldn’t even speak. So my speaking came in the form of paintings. This is the story of my collection of days, of emotions, I’ve survival and forgiveness not only of the ones who did it to our family, but also for myself. Other people were hurt because I fought back. In the end I realized it didn’t even matter. There was no truth that anyone cared about other than my family. It simply did not matter.

I befriended Mexican national girls so that I wouldn’t have to talk to people. I could smile, or cry, and the language barrier prevented explanations. It was healing. I did this for the majority of the years I was first there.

I spent years alone. Living indoors, not able to see or speak with my family for weeks, if not months, at a time. I thought of taking my own life, although I never would’ve done that; for it would’ve been the ultimate act of selfishness. The thoughts were always there, though.

Later, I thought of it as karmic punishment for bad choices. I always defended my innocence in the charges themselves, but I had made so many poor decisions. The most paramount of which was not seeking treatment for my mental illness, and allowing compulsive behavior to destroy my life and others. I was sick and tired of being unhappy, I did not want to be a victim.

I decided to use my time in prison to help other people. To channel that instead of hate, or rage. I painted to lift spirits, I gave paintings to people who have lost loved ones. I joined up with the ACLU to sue the department of corrections in the state of Arizona for improved medical care for prisoners. We won a settlement which did not include any money for any of us, all the settlement included was improved medical care for the prisoners in the state of Arizona. I felt that I needed this time in my life to count for something. I felt that I could show my children that they could be done even in this horrible place.

I waited for relief in prison for 14 years. On December 11, 2018 I was finally released. I survived by creating art to describe how I coped with each day. It is an odd thing to be defined by other people. To listen to other people tell a story that they have decided is truth.

I will use the space to talk about the paintings I made, on the days they were made, and why they were such an important part of my past. They were my diaries, they were my communication with spirit and with the world.

I created “the agony of faith, while life hangs in the balance” to convey the excruciating effort faith required in prison. This was not a place for a person who was once an optimist. I had to make a conscious decision not to listen to anyone who is negative. Pretty much everyone there was negative.

I wrote a poem and painted, and drew in ink, every tiny nuance of this chaos and miserable stress in this painting. The gears were my need to be a machine in this time. I could not have human emotion, I had to be robotic.Wake up, survive till the evening…then sleep.

Underneath that, I was still a human being that was hurting, and felt that I just might not have a reason to survive after this. When my thoughts were that dark, this little voice inside of me would say “No”. I forced myself to think of flying away with the victory of appeal. Forced myself to think of bright colors that existed in the real world that I couldn’t see in this grey existence. This was an expression of my soul pleading for reasons to continue to have faith. It is why I chose this piece to be the first ever exhibited.

I’ve created an animated GIF as the NFT, but this piece also comes with a high resolution static image, and an original oil painting. It is one of the last oils I will do with an NFT. I wanted to memorialize it. I believe it has resonated with people as it has over 1.3 million views (Twitter/GIPHY)

The agony of faith, while life hangs in the balance “

"I have known,

While numb

The sweet anguish of hope.

The return of love

The reward of unconditional faith

A decision

That it would not all end in despair."

2008 - Maryanne Chisholm

https://foundation.app/@MCArtist/the-agony-of-faith-while-life-hangs-in-the-balance-52055

Maryanne Chisholm

August 2, 2021

#maryannechisholmartist #maryannechisholm #mcartist #StoryOfMaryanneChisholm

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daggerzine · 4 years ago

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A chat with Kiki of Kiki’s House of Righteous Music in Madison, Wisconsin (by Eric Eggleson)

A friend and I recently had the pleasure of attending a show at Kiki’s House of Righteous Music. It’s truly amazing what Kiki Schueler has put together in her basement (and in her backyard as well). I had heard about her shows, but I never got the chance to go to one. When Jason Ringenberg was scheduled; I knew I had to go. Think of a bunch of friends gathering together in someone’s basement listening to music you love. There are gig posters all over the walls from many great concert venues in the Midwest. And then, in walks a national recording artist who begins sharing his life and his music. Needless to say, we were amazed. Kiki welcomed us into her home and her love of music is obvious when you meet her. I asked her if she would answer a few questions for Dagger and she agreed.

When did Kiki’s House of Righteous Music start?

Back in 2005, I had just read an article about house concerts when my friend Tim Easton sent an email looking for show ideas in between Chicago and Minneapolis. I cautiously offered, “you could play here…” He immediately wrote back, “I was hoping you would say that!”

How do you choose artists?

It has to be someone I love. I don’t book artists I haven’t seen. I’ll do a show anytime someone I want to play can play. Sometimes I contact them; sometimes they find me.

Which artist has played the most?

Jon Dee Graham. He first played show #3 in 2007 with The Silos and has played a total of 23 times. Although Robbie Fulks (18) and Jon Langford (21) are threatening for the lead.

What are some of your most memorable artist performances?

The Baseball Project show after Scott McCaughey had recovered from a stroke. It was their first show outside the Seattle area, and it is always surreal to have half of REM in my basement. Robbie Fulks has brought some truly amazing musicians with him, and his shows are always transcendent. Andre Williams with the GoldStars; he’s still the only artist to have changed his outfit for the encore. The Figgs have played marathon thirty plus song shows, and no one is ever ready for them to stop. Jon Langford and John Szymanski playing for a dozen people in the backyard last fall. This was the only live music anyone had seen in months.

Who would you like to perform?

Lou Barlow, Joe Ely, Dave Simonett, MC Taylor, Craig Finn, Bill Kirchen, John Darnielle, the list goes on, some more realistic than others.

How has Covid-19 affected you?

I watched a lot of streaming shows in the last year and a half, and it totally worked for me, so I didn’t miss live music as much as some people did. I still went to work most days. I missed doing the shows of course, but I was just as happy reading books and watching movies. Turns out I might be an introvert, who knew?

How many shows have you lost because of it?

I think I had to cancel about fourteen. Since I usually do thirty plus shows a year, it’s safe to say I lost at least that many.

What’s your day job?

I work at UW Madison as a researcher in a lab in the Biochemistry department.

You have a great situation happening, what suggestion would you give to help other people to start doing what you do?

It never hurts to ask. If there is someone you want to play, just ask.

A good place to start is with Undertow (https://undertowshows.com/pages/about-undertow). They set up living room shows for a number of artists, and they make it really easy to do your first show by walking you through the how to’s. Bonus, they take care of tickets.

For the show I went to, Jason said he gets all the ticket sales. Who pays for the sound guy? What’s in it for you?

I’ve been very lucky to find sound people who volunteer their time in exchange for dinner and a few beers. And of course, a great show. For me, I get to see a band I love in my basement.

Have you had any backlash or bad situations with artists/neighbors?

Never anything bad with the artists, everyone has been great and very happy to be here. Most of my neighbors think what I’m doing is cool. In the early days, they would see all the cars, but no people inside, so I think they were happy to find out that I was having music in my basement and not something else. There have been a few complaints about parking, but none about noise.

I loved the Sessions at McPike Park concert you set up in Madison with Chuck Prophet and Bonnie Whitmore. How did that come about? Do you do this kind of thing often because of your connections?

Bob Queen asked if I’d be interested in curating a night of the Sessions back in 2018, though I still don’t know what prompted him to ask me. I think he was looking for someone with a different perspective. This year was my third, and every show has been a blast. I don’t do it often, just the Session once a year; for the most part, the basement is big enough for me.

Top Ten desert island discs? (If you were stuck on a desert island, what 10 albums would you HAVE to have with you?)

There’s only two I have to have- Bob Dylan Blood on the Tracks and Chris Mills The Silver Line, three through ten probably change on a daily basis.

First record or piece of music you bought?

Billy Joel The Stranger

What are some of your favorite concert venues?

The Hideout in Chicago, Fitzgerald’s in Berwyn, The Turf Club in St Paul and Café Carpe in Ft. Atkinson.

Favorite live shows? Bob Dylan, Robbie Fulks, Ha Ha Tonka, Dead Man Winter, and Hiss Golden Messenger.

Finish this sentence: I want to be remembered for…

My band T-shirt collection? I don’t need to be remembered, I just want everyone to have a good time right now.

That is so true. Kiki’s love of music is something she has to share with other like-minded people. At first I thought it was the joy of finally seeing a live show because of Covid-19 cancelling so many concerts; but watching, fully masked, made me realize it’s the warmth Kiki’s shows brings to the music scene. My friend and I hope to go back soon. We missed Steve Wynn, but maybe we’ll catch him next time around.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/363474586571/

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lumisnowy · 4 years ago

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I am telling you my story today. And maybe you will find help and advice.

Hey, I'm sam.

I know we don't know each other and you're going to read the story here for a second.

It's a dramatic love story. A love story where two people loved each other more than anything. At least I thought so.

I met a nice boy two years ago. End of 2018. We became good friends. We had a lot in common, a lot of fun and joy in our presence. We wrote rpg, talked about deep stuff and were actually on the same wavelength. We liked each other. And everything was perfect. Very perfect.

At some point something else became. At some point the boy confessed his love to me. After a relatively short time. Even though we knew each other since elementary school. We never got closer. Until we started writing rpg. And there we were already twenty years old. So he confessed his love to me. It threw me off track relatively, flattered me. I didn't feel a thousand percent the same. But I liked him just as much. And that also showed him, I showered him with my love. Special love. I was there for him, healed his wounds, licked his blood, caught his tears, he was always allowed to call. No matter when, where and how. Always. I often slept with him. His body warmth was wonderful. He was unique. But at some point it got weirder, but I never really saw or noticed that.

But others noticed it. Through my behavior. I was kind of drained of energy. But I didn't hear it. Because maybe I did not want to hear it? I wanted to be there for him. And I promised him that. And I always take my promises seriously. Even when people said he was no good for me. I didn't care. I was in love.

So much in love that I let it happen to me. Stupid, right? I was being beaten up, pushed on the floor and jumped on. I was killed inside. But I was smiling. And in my head: he is so great, sweet and loving. I can't live without him. I don't want to be without him. I won't be without him.

I went through it until I realized it myself. Noticed what happened. But I still don't care what.

He went to a psychiatric hospital in 2019. I came to visit him almost every day. He said he was the first one who really came to visit him so often. That made me special. I always wanted to be special for him. So I stayed with him.

This year became even more different. He became weird, strange and even more hurtful. He said things like: your illness is not as bad as mine.

I did not care. And then came August-October. I was ignored. My problems and worries did not matter. No matter how many times I said it. It didn't matter, but I should be there. I just couldn't do it anymore. My I was broken.

Finally we had a conversation. I count sentences that he said to me:

You wanted to scare me away.

You were to blame for the last two years.

I can't stand the sight of you.

You are a bad person.

Everything that happened is your fault.

I depend on you, that's why I'm still here.

You don't interfere with my life, so I'm letting you stay.

My reaction:

I love you. But however much I love you... I have to go. I took his face in my hand. I kissed him tenderly on the forehead. and I left.

And now after a month he has someone new. He told me he loved me in November. And had someone new right after that.

And me? Sitting here and crying. I cry after someone and am lovesick. And that person has replaced me.

And what do we learn from that?

Trust only yourself. Take care of yourself. Only yourself. People are cruel no matter what you are or what you do. Take care of yourself. People can look like an angel, but act like a monster.

#love lu #i hate everything #i hate you

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ljandersen · 5 years ago

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Hi! I was wondering if you’d be willing to share a little (or a lot! I’m not picky) about your process for writing Burning Barriers? Things you researched, things that gave you inspiration, any of it. I’m having a blast reading it and I’m so curious about what all went into writing it! (And it’s totally okay if you don’t want to! I just had to let you know how much I’m enjoying it!)

Wow! I’m incredibly flattered by this ask. I think it’s the first time I’ve gotten an ask about my writing that wasn’t part of a game. I was ecstatic to see it in my inbox. Thank you for taking the time and interest to send it. “Burning Barriers” is my favorite posted story. I love talking about it. I’m humbled when anyone actually wants to know something about it. Anyway, seriously, I appreciate getting this ask. It made my day!

On to the actual question though: The inspiration for writing the book had a lot to do with what lead into me writing fanfiction. “Burning Barriers” was the first piece of fanfiction I wrote and the first novel-length story I finished. In a lot of ways, it was a turning point in my writing. I’d written my whole life, but for the most part, I’d gradually given it up during grad school and internship rotations. It turns out, though, corporate healthcare can be quite dehumanizing and impersonal. My career wasn’t what I thought. I decided I needed to return to what I loved doing, which was writing.

Initially, I decided it was time to write that masterpiece of literary fiction I’d always planned on writing. I made detailed outlines and character sheets. I had each beat perfectly aligned for a four-act story structure. I had the character arcs. Subplots were variations on the theme and parallel to the main story, just like the writing books recommended. Everything was set to finally write The Masterpiece. And . . .

I stalled out.

I was too overwhelmed to write this overblown piece of art. I knew I couldn’t live up to my own expectations. I’d decided to return to writing, but nothing as happening.

I loved writing, but I also always loved video games. I’d played all the Dragon Age games as each came out. I had no idea Mass Effect existed. In 2018, my sister came across it. After playing the ME trilogy, she recommended it to me. I loved it. With the three games tying together and having the same protagonist, who spoke and had a name, I became enthralled. Then came the ending with Shepard dying on the Crucible.

The credits rolled. Moon boy had just asked about “The Shepard,” and this was it. Was Shepard alive or dead? What about her love interest, in this case, Kaidan? What about their story? What about Shepard’s story as a person? It just ended. Cut off.

While I appreciate the bittersweet nature of the ending, I didn’t have any closure. I kept thinking, “How would I have ended it?” There were a few elements in particular that I thought would be interesting to explore more: fraternization and biotics. It’s always interested me when a super hero loses her power. What if Shepard couldn’t use her biotics? As for fraternization, I understood it being dismissed in ME-3, but what about after? They want to be together but rules are falling back into place. It’s always interesting when two people are forbidden to be together by external forces. There were so many interesting way to play out these different ideas.

I kept thinking about this hypothetical ending for my game. Finally, I decided I should just write it. It was going to be a short story for myself. I just needed it out of my system. Maybe it would be a good warm up to finally writing The Masterpiece. I started writing my ending for ME.

I had a very vague plot in mind. As I started writing, the plot became more than just a vehicle for finding closure with Shepard and Kaidan’s love story. I had only planned on writing Shepard’s POV, but as I drew closer to a section in the story that I knew Shepard couldn’t tell, I realized I needed someone else to take over the story. Skipping forward in time as I initially planned wouldn’t be satisfying. I decided to make the story three parts, and Kaidan would tell part two. I would return back to Shepard’s POV for the last part.

I was nervous switching POV and thought a lot about how Shepard and Kaidan would tell their story differently. Shepard is fast, goal-oriented, no-nonsense, and avoids uncomfortable, emotional rumination. Kaidan, however, is more self-aware and honest with his feelings. He’s reflective, cautious, and has a deeper internal life. The idea of contrasting the POV while keeping a consistent narrative voice was a interesting challenge. In the end, switching POV didn’t turn out to be as difficult as I thought, and I really enjoyed writing a part of the story from Kaidan’s eyes.

As I approached part three, where Kaidan’s POV would end, I realized dropping his side would feel disappointing in a way. The story had become as much Kaidan’s story as it was Shepard’s. They needed to tell the ending together. The decision to alternate POV in part three even gave the story cohesion: 1. Shepard 2. Kaidan 3. Shepard and Kaidan. It felt right. I was surprised I hadn’t thought of that from the beginning.

The story was starting to become big. Somewhere into writing part 1, I realized this was a more serious endeavor than a throw-away short story. So I got serious. I knew my ending for the story, and I decided to dissect apart what would make the ending truly satisfying. What were the barriers to it feeling the best it could feel?

Once I identified those elements, it influenced the story quite a bit. I had to include new pieces to the story, like Kaidan’s family, and I had to emphasize character arcs in some of the secondary characters. I also realized the thing keeping Shepard and Kaidan apart had to be more than fraternization regs. I had to be something internal in addition to external to feel believable.

As I wrote, there was one big development I hadn’t planned but that felt organic. It worked for the character arc I was creating, and I let it play out. While there was one big surprise, a lot of the story’s details sprang up and were little surprises while I was writing. I knew the points I wanted to connect, but I discovered the details as I wrote it. It was like I had this skeleton, but the discovery process as I wrote gave it the flesh and beauty of being something worthwhile.

The story’s ending was everything I hoped, which was a huge feat for me. I took a long time reflecting on how all the elements could come together at once in a way that felt right. I needed to incorporate a lot of external elements into one moment: the Mass Effect shard, the Scorpion terrorist leader, an object they’re looking for in part 3, and all the secondary characters (Council, Alliance, Shepard’s companions). I needed it to bring Shepard and Kaidan’s internal conflict keeping them apart to a moment of clarity, which would be easy if it was just about realizing they loved each other. They already knew that. Shepard needed to confront her fears and realize her false reasoning wasn’t just wrong, but that actually the opposite was real truth. It was a lot to achieve in one ending, but as far as I’m concerned, I felt like I was successful in bringing everything together into one moment. I was able to resolve many questions, external and internal, with one answer.

Honestly, I have compared Burning Barrier’s ending to my current big WIP and felt like I can’t live up to my own benchmark of satisfaction in an ending. Granted, all of that’s really talking up my own ending, and readers may or may not feel like the ending brought everything together in a satisfying way. But for me, I was pleased with the ending to a story I was telling myself. Since I had never finished a novel-sized story, it was huge moment.

I wrote "Burning Barriers” in notebooks over the course of four months. I had no idea of the word count when I finished. It all come together so naturally and simply, I actually thought my story would fall short of being novel-sized. All three parts together I expected to fall into the novella range. I was wrong. I started typing it up and watched the word count climb. This story that felt so simple and quick to me turned out not only to be novel-sized, but each part was novel-sized. I was thunderstruck. I realized: not only had I finished my first novel, I finished three of them! It was huge for me.

Writing fanfiction and not trying to live up to this inflated, self-imposed ideal of creating “Art” had finally set me free. I could finally write and finish a novel. I even did it with a method I never expected to work for me. Being an organized and kind of methodical person, I always assumed outlining was the best way for me. It was the responsible, better approach. It turns out, knowing my direction but finding my way as I go was what worked best. It gave me joy in discovering, and knowing I could edit it later, freed me from every word being perfection in the first draft.

“Burning Barriers” had three major drafts. After writing the story in notebooks, I knew what I needed to emphasize and cut away as I typed it into a second draft. I could foreshadow and set up the ending. I could fill in missing scenes. It was a major overhaul. I then read through the whole story a third time focusing more on the writing-level, sentences and wording choice. Then it was done.

Now I needed to do something with it. After a certain point of writing this story, maybe halfway, I realized I was putting enough effort into it, I actually wanted someone to read it. My sister, who had recommended Mass Effect to me, was also a writer. As I wrote and finished editing my story, I had her in mind as the one person who would read my story. Unfortunately, fanfiction is stigmatized and on a much lower level than if I wrote The Masterpiece. After I was finished with this story, by sister felt embarrassed for me writing fanfiction. The idea of reading fanfiction was demeaning for a serious writer and it wasn’t her thing. It’s fair to feel that way, I suppose, but I was disappointed.

My other sister who isn’t a gamer but was aware of fanfiction as a thing suggested I post online. The game had been out for so long, I doubted Mass Effect fans were still reading fanfic, but I decided to try. I had written 300 K words that no one would ever read but me if I let it lay forgotten on the hard drive.

I went ahead and posted it on FFN. I made each part it’s own book, and I posted all three books and all the chapters all at once. Then I sat back and waited. And waited. And waited. Nothing. It was deflating. I had a few favorites or follows scattered here and there, but it felt pretty silent. I could see stats that some people probably had read the whole way through, but that was it for spending months writing this 300 K fic. I actually felt worse than before I’d posted it online, because this felt more like a rejection. My fear, my story actually being awful, could actually be true.

At the time, I didn’t know anything about fanfiction culture. I didn’t know people posted before they finished a story or that it was common practice to post chapter by chapter to gain readership. I had no idea my posting method could be playing a role in why the stories were lost to the void.

My sister who had suggested posting online recommended looking for Facebook groups to information on other places to post. I joined some FB groups and asked for recommendations where else to post. I heard about AO3. Now, I still didn’t know about this whole posting chapter-by-chapter thing, so I posted my story on AO3 the same way as before. Unlike FFN, I decided this time to keep all the parts together, since so much of the story relied on in-jokes and references from earlier parts. Plus, the story and plot arc were made to connect over the whole story. Other than that, I posted “Burning Barriers” as one giant chunk of 124 chapters, like I had on FFN, and sat back again. This time there was one difference: someone commented.

I got a comment from someone who read the first chapter, liked it, and said she would put it on her reading list. That one comment changed my whole experience. I replied to the comment, and I through a back and forth via email met my now very good friend @ripley95things . She introduced me to another wonderful friend @rpgwarrior4824 . Their comments on “Burning Barriers” made all the difference. I went from feeling kind of devastated and being embarrassed about my story to being glad I wrote it. It was a complete 180 just by having two people who cared. It made all the difference.

They welcomed me into the fandom. I learned so much about the fanfic culture and started reading other Shenko fanfics. I haven’t stopped since. With all the encouragement I got from talking with them, I decided to write more Shenko fanfiction myself even. I hadn’t planned to write anything more than “Burning Barriers,” but suddenly I had a new plot-heavy story I was writing (am still writing *sigh*). I wrote a one-shot and some lighter, shorter multichapter fics. I eventually joined Tumblr. But it all started with “Burning Barriers.”

That’s a lot of extra information on “Burning Barriers” than just my inspiration and approach to writing, but haha, I guess, I got on a roll. The story has a lot of meaning to me, and the history surround it feels integrated into its DNA. If you read this far, I really appreciate you reading not only a very long book with “Burning Barriers,” but also a very long monologue about the very long book. Haha. Thank you!

Anyway, I’ll end here. Thank you for your wonderful question. It was fun to reflect back on this story that has so much meaning to me. I appreciate your interest in “Burning Barriers.” It means more than I can say that you read my story, and even more, to know you’re interested enough to ask a question about it (thought you probably didn’t expect how much you’d get! Lol! :D) Thanks again!

#my writing #mass effect fanfiction #writing ask #Burning Barriers #Thank you so much for the ask!

22 notes · View notes

longsightmyth · 5 years ago

Text

Aaaaaaaaaand here’s what I’ve got so far for the current readthrough of ToD for fragments etc. Sharp eyes will note that it has taken me over a year and I still haven’t finished the reread. It’s just very bad, okay? Cut for dash mercy.

June 21, 2018 – page 4

0.61% "Apparently the problem with Adarlan conquering everything was not the conquering, but the fact that they had an evil dictator in charge.

I mean, in fairness, the evil dictator probably didn't HELP, but in the kind of person who considers conquering a symptom of BEING an evil dictator, so?"

June 21, 2018 – page 15

2.27% ""That Sartaq was here... they had to have known, then. Well in advance. That she and Chaol were coming."

That reads like I hit the space bar on my iPhone a couple too many times but I swear to you that is exactly how it's written in the book. I have changed NOTHING."

June 21, 2018 – page 16

2.42% "I'm also still confused about why the captain of the royal guard was sent as an ambassador instead of staying to administer the royal guard."

June 27, 2018 – page 19

2.88% "There are so many fragments, y'all. So many."

June 27, 2018 – page 27

4.09% "For once the angst feels earned here (we know that Nesryn cares and works for the wellbeing of Rifthold and her family and we've seen it). Do I wish there were fewer Drama Fragments? Yes. Still, I'm glad we got this bit from Nesryn's PoV and for once it wasn't All About Celaena OR A Boy."

June 28, 2018 – page 30

4.55% ""My Tumelun. The words told enough about the prince's closeness with his sister."

First of all, OBVIOUSLY. Second, there really is a way to say this as if Chaol is thinking it and not as if you are explaining to the reader. For instance:

"My Tumelun. They had been close, then."

BOOM."

June 28, 2018 – page 30

4.55% "I've harped on this before, and while it's permissible for Kashin in his grief and/or naïveté to have blind spots ("no one within our lands would be stupid enough [to murder Tumelun]") Chaol has no such excuse and neither does the narrative."

June 28, 2018 – page 31

4.7% ""...Aelin had hard lines that she did not cross. Killing or harming children was one of them."

Let me refer you to that time in Heir of Fire where she threatened to burn an entire city's population alive and we were from her PoV so we know she meant it and she SAID IT WITH A SMILE."

June 28, 2018 – page 31

4.7% "Also that time she threatened to burn up the population of Rifthold."

June 28, 2018 – page 31

4.7% "Oh yeah also that manor house she said she'd kill the entire population of if even a tiny word got out about her presence or previous presence there. That place had kids too. I'm pretty sure we saw and/or heard them playing in the yard."

June 28, 2018 – page 31

4.7% "Just because she hasn't threatened or hurt a SPECIFIC CHILD for SPECIFIC REASONS does not mean that she doesn't harm or (in fairness threaten to) murder children. That's just three examples off the top of my head."

June 28, 2018 – page 33

5.0% ""Had not even considered that the shadow of Morath might have already stretched this far."

Chaol, per Queen of Shadows the Valg, whose stated intentions are to destroy the world and rule the ruins, have been out and plotting since BEFORE YOU WERE BORN. You're an idiot if you didn't consider them using over twenty years of time to, oh, WORK TOWARDS DESTROYING THE WHOLE WORLD AND RULING THE RUINS."

June 28, 2018 – page 33

5.0% "Then again the series never considered that before this point either so maybe I should cut Chaol some slack?"

June 28, 2018 – page 35

5.3% "This reads like a dude wrote it, and not a dude who thinks women are actual people."

July 9, 2018 – page 37

5.61% ""Until an unknown healer's daughter from Fenharrow [who had only been training for two years] was approached by healers old and young, who had trained their entire lives, for her advice and assistance."

Look."

July 9, 2018 – page 37

5.61% "If this was portrayed as 'they needed somebody with a hella lot of magic and guided her through things' that would be one thing, but are you telling me this chick is in her second year at the magical equivalent of medical school and all of the surgeons are coming to her for surgery advice?"

July 9, 2018 – page 37

5.61% "I think I commented on this last time but still:

"There were two such vials on the desk now, clear orbs atop silver feet fashioned after ibis legs. Being purified by the endless sunshine within the tower."

You'd think I made a mistake typing with my phone, right? Hit the space bar twice maybe and added an accidental period?

I did not. That's a direct quote from the book."

July 9, 2018 – page 44

6.67% "Are Renia and Hassar married or not, please make up your mind, book. Here Renia is referred to as Hassar's lover but I think later on it says wife without any marriage happening in between so like."

July 24, 2018 – page 53

8.03% ""Chaol had barely slept.

Partially due to the unrelenting heat, partially due to the fact that they were in a tentative ally's fraught household, full of potential spies and unknown dangers- perhaps even from Morath itself - and partially due to what had befallen Rifthold and all he held dear.

And partially due to the meeting that he was now minutes away from having.""

July 24, 2018 – page 53

8.03% "This is what happens when you rush books, don't listen to your editor, and use second drafts at best."

July 24, 2018 – page 53

8.03% ""Chaol barely slept that night. It could have been the unrelenting heat, it could have been the spies and unknown dangers of the house - or of Morath. It could have been the news of Rifthold, and the lack of news that followed. It could have been all of it.

Part of it was definitely the anxiety over the meeting that had yet to begin."

**jazz hands**"

July 24, 2018 – page 54

8.18% ""They'd asked him about the butchering of the slaves in Calaculla and Endovier at dinner.

Or the oily one, Arghun, did. Had the prince been among Chaol's new recruits to the royal guard, he would have easily gotten him to fall in line thanks to a few well-timed shows of skill and sheer dominance. But here, he had no authority to bring the conniving, haughty prince to heel.

Not even when Arghun wanted to know...""

July 24, 2018 – page 54

8.18% ""...why the former King of Adarlan had deemed it necessary to enslave his people. And then put them down like animals. Why the man had not looked to the southern continent for education on the horrors of the stain of slavery - and avoided instituting it.

Chaol had to offer curt answers on the verge of being impolite. Sartaq, the only one of them beyond Kashin whom Chaol was inclined to like, had finally tired..."

July 24, 2018 – page 54

8.18% ""...of his older brother's questioning and steered the conversation away."

Holy mackerel is there a lot to unpack there, but first of all: Arghun for president, y'all.

Second, king is improperly capitalized there. Have fun with that.

Third, why is Arghun the oily conniving one for being like 'yo why the hell did y'all keep slaves?'"

July 24, 2018 – page 54

8.18% "Fourth, it might be poor diplomacy on a technical level, but honestly Arghun and the SC contingent have all the power here. They don't have to worry about being polite, because what are Chaol and Nesryn going to do, leave? (they probably wish they would)"

July 24, 2018 – page 54

8.18% "Fifth, Chaol, suck it up. You participated in and helped to continue a regime that not only practiced slavery but encouraged it. I have no sympathy for your hurt feelings about being called on it. Aren't you supposed to be anti-slavery? Shouldn't you be going 'look man it sucked and was wrong. I know that. You know that. The new king has ended the practice even if he apparently hasn't considered reparations.'"

July 24, 2018 – page 54

8.18% "But no, Arghun is the one in the wrong here apparently?"

July 25, 2018 – page 57

8.64% "I'd forgotten Yrene's 'honey-colored' hands."

July 25, 2018 – page 66

10.0% "Still unsure why a medical professional won't just say the word penis."

July 25, 2018 – page 70

10.61% "Okay I got one mention of male healers existing. Apparently it's almost exclusively a female gift. Why? Who knows. Not the book.

Nothing mentioned about any cultural stuff surrounding it either."

July 25, 2018 – page 71

10.76% "I'm starting to wonder if the author just hasn't realized how self-aggrandizing things sound when written in third person limited or first person?"

August 26, 2018 – page 82

12.42%

August 27, 2018 – page 86

13.03% "Sure of course it's a weakness to care where the only other member of your diplomatic envoy is and if she's gone missing. Of course. It's obviously not just common sense or competence. Why are the 'politics' in these books such nonsense."

August 27, 2018 – page 87

13.18% "Other people have commented on this, but if everyone here is human why does the book keep calling everyone males and females."

August 27, 2018 – page 88

13.33% ""See how he trips over himself," Arghun muttered over Duva, her husband, and Chaol to say to Sartaq.

That makes it look like Arghun is a married woman talking over her husband, when I know that Arghun is an unmarried man. You have to specify in this case. Or you could, you know. Name your characters."

August 27, 2018 – page 89

13.48% ""Kashin shut his mouth, ever the trained soldier.

And somehow Chaol knew-that fast-that Kashin was not being considered for the throne."

First of all, SOMEHOW? You detail why in the next sentence."

August 27, 2018 – page 89

13.48% ""...he seemed decent, though. A better alternative than the sneering, aloof Arghun, or the wolflike Hasar."

Interesting how being wolflike is positive when it's men but negative when it's women.

Also, Arghun for president. He's the spymaster dude who talks to the viziers. Obviously my vote goes to Arghun."

August 27, 2018 – page 91

13.79% "I hate how Chaol lecturing Nesryn about coming in late morphs into him patronizing her about how they're fighting to make Adarlan safer for her specifically.

Listen, dickface. She's the one who apparently had ROCKS thrown at her in Adarlan. Let her enjoy walking around safely.

Also I hate that he's lecturing her about coming in late."

August 27, 2018 – page 97

14.7% "So. I appreciate that Yrene tries in this one instance to be considerate of Chaol's wants/needs, re: his disability. I appreciate MUCH LESS that it is here specifically in an attempt to contrast Yrene and Nesryn. I wouldn't even be super mad about that except that Yrene is only considerate of Chaol and his wants/needs, re: his disability when Nesryn is around to be contrasted against."

August 27, 2018 – page 97

14.7% "It only counts as a character trait if it's consistent, and it isn't. Instead it's used as a way to shame Nesryn, when Yrene does the same and worse to Chaol multiple times but is excused because 'she means well.'"

August 27, 2018 – page 99

15.0% "This is SO STUPID she is a healer DOING HER JOB why does it MATTER if she goes into his bedroom?"

August 27, 2018 – page 103

15.61% "This is a tiny thing in the grand scheme but "pure as sea-foam" made me laugh because I live in Florida and there is a lot of sea-foam. Almost none of it is 'pure'."

August 27, 2018 – page 109

16.52% "I don't care how many times it shows up. I am going to mark The Hand of the King/ The Hand of Adarlan with a red tab labeled ASoIaF EVERY TIME."

September 27, 2018 – page 113

17.12% ""You must enter where you fear to tread."

Uh-huh."

September 27, 2018 – page 115

17.42% "So while I like the idea of this scene with Yrene and the other healer, the fact remains that it has taken more than 100 pages to show us something that is ostensibly a fundamental part of Yrene's character, and from what I remember we have precious few other scenes of it later."

September 27, 2018 – page 115

17.42% "The trait? That Yrene has a drive to help people."

September 27, 2018 – page 117

17.73% ""How many meals had he himself been positioned by the doors, or out in the courtyard, monitoring his king? How many times had he laid into his men for slouching, for chattering amongst themselves, and reassigned them to lesser watches?""

September 27, 2018 – page 117

17.73% "Okay first of all, as THE (singular, only) captain of the royal guard your place is the organizing, hiring, and inspecting of the Royal guard, not the actual guarding except for special occasions, at which point you would be with the king as the visible face of the king's protection."

September 27, 2018 – page 117

17.73% "SECOND. You have never 'laid into' guards for chatting or slouching. You have in fact completely forgiven them for ABANDONING THEIR POSTS WITHOUT NOTICE because somebody else said it was fine. Your response? "Okay just don't do it again.""

September 27, 2018 – page 117

17.73% "I repeat, they abandoned their posts because a general from a conquered land told them it was fine, leaving their king completely open to attack, and you told them 'okay just don't do it again'"

September 27, 2018 – page 117

17.73% "Am I harping on this? ABSOLUTELY. Chaol's inner turmoil loses all emotional punch because he and the narrative are LYING to us. Instead of pulling my heartstrings, it just makes me angry.

This is also why Maas is the queen of the retcon, by the way."

September 27, 2018 – page 117

17.73% ""No sign - none - of any wicked force, whether dispatched from Morath or elsewhere. No sign beyond those white banners to honor their fallen princess."

I had no idea the wicked forces had a fallen princess, single separate two-sentence paragraph.

Also, it should be 'the white banners'"

September 27, 2018 – page 117

17.73% ""There was no sign of wickedness, from Morath or elsewhere - no sign but the white banners that honored the fallen princess."

It's not HARD, book."

November 30, 2018 – page 121

18.33% ""A summer storm galloped in off the sea just before midnight."

This one might be petty and I freely admit it, but that's kind of a funky way to put that."

February 11, 2019 – page 121

18.33% "I'm back!

I'd forgotten how awful the em dashes were. Like, I remembered they were BAD, I'd just forgotten HOW bad."

February 11, 2019 – page 123

18.64% "Picturing Kat's face in the section with Yrene and the 10,000+ year old document being touched with bare hands is what keeps me going y'all"

February 11, 2019 – page 127

19.24% "For someone ostensibly skeptical, Yrene sure does take every illustration in the book literally instead of even considering the possibility of metaphors or, like. Science."

February 11, 2019 – page 129

19.55% "The irony of Yrene being better at situational awareness and planning what around her could be improvised weaponry than Celaena, who ostensibly taught her these things, is not lost on me.

It's lost on the book though."

February 11, 2019 – page 132

20.0% "Why does everyone in these books have a capitalized Heir"

February 11, 2019 – page 132

20.0% "Also, the Heir Librarian as a title sounds stupid (no that's literally the title, not even Heir to the Librarian or anything)"

February 11, 2019 – page 132

20.0% "All it would take was a week observing the library to know it never closes and Bob's your uncle the 'closing toll' of the library bell jig is up.

I'm just saying."

May 4, 2019 – page 144

21.82%

July 22, 2019 – page 145

21.97% ""Either your lack on consciousness during that initial healing kept you from feeling this sort of pain, or perhaps whatever this is had not... settled."

Or Sarah Janet needed More Drama."

July 22, 2019 – page 146

22.12% "I forgot that apparently the valg magic and therefore Chaol's injury persists because it's feeding on his self hate or whatever.

See kids, all you have to do is be happy and believe in yourself and your disability will go away."

July 22, 2019 – page 146

22.12% ""It was all he could do not to shrink from that frank gaze."

Why not her frank gaze? Like, it's not grammatically incorrect - the sentence before says she's staring at him, it's referring to a gaze mentioned before - but I don't think it's strong writing."

July 22, 2019 – page 146

22.12% "Have Yrene own her frank gaze or have Chaol associate it with her directly instead of disconnecting it. "It was all he could do not to flinch from her frank gaze."

YMMV I guess."

July 22, 2019 – page 147

22.27% ""Yrene's face was an unreadable mask that would have given Dorian a run for his money."

Maybe it's my own failing, but Dorian has never been described as expressionless or unreadable in my memory, or at least not enough to stick out."

July 22, 2019 – page 148

22.42% ""Since [Nesryn's] hair fell only to her shoulders, he had difficulty braiding it back"

French braids are a thing, even if I'd object to them being called French braids in these books."

July 22, 2019 – page 150

22.73% ""A land claimed by a conquering nation, yet loved and nurtured."

Not you too, Nesryn."

July 22, 2019 – page 154

23.33% ""There is beauty in my father's lands," the prince went on while Kadara ripped into that monstrous carcass, "but there is much lurking beneath the surface, too."

Sigh.

"There is beauty in my father's lands," the prince went on while Kadara feasted on the monster, "but much lurks beneath the surface, too.""

July 23, 2019 – page 161

24.39% "Love how Yrene explicitly says "add lots of honey" but is then judgy because Kadja added too much honey."

July 25, 2019 – page 162

24.55% "There's this thing we have where we consider the endurance of pain a virtue, somehow. Even if you agree with that, bad people can still have virtues.

Yrene starts rethinking Chaol's morality because he 'did not break' over the pain when her magic was trying to heal him.

Tldr: pain endurance is not the sole province of good people, and enduring pain doesn't make you good"

July 25, 2019 – page 164

24.85% "Why ARE the valg only trying to kill Yrene if she has the same healing gift as other healers?"

July 25, 2019 – page 164

24.85% "Okay also my disability is not Chaol's disability etc etc but the narrative is poo-pooing on Nesryn and Kadja for helping him into bed when he's so tired he can barley talk, because Yrene would have made him do it himself.

Like, honestly? That makes Yrene sound an awful lot like somebody who would go 'you're out of spoons? Do it anyway'"

July 25, 2019 – page 166

25.15% "Look y'all much as I dislike Yrene on a personal level she isn't WRONG for clearly having 'personal reservations' about Chaol's 'former role in the empire'.

He not only benefitted from but actively worked to keep the aforementioned empire in power. He got FRUSTRATED when the king wouldn't let him guard the king effectively. He wasn't even just some dude off in the hinterlands: HE WAS THE CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD."

November 4, 2019 – page 176

26.67% "In all seriousness what is Sarah Janet Maas' beef with the word 'the'?"

November 4, 2019 – page 176

26.67% "WHITE

FUCKING

HORSES"

November 4, 2019 – page 178

26.97% "How does Yrene have a good seat and yet bounce everywhere and keep grabbing the saddle horn"

November 4, 2019 – page 184

27.88% "Oh yeah. This part."

November 4, 2019 – page 184

27.88% ""The skin was leathery - as warm as her smile."

The one time you use 'the' it's in a place that detaches the reader from a living breathing human's human-ness? HER skin, book. HER skin."

November 4, 2019 – page 186

28.18% "The page (well, this and the one before) that made me hate Yrene."

November 17, 2019 – page 187

28.33% ""She means well, my Yrene."

That doesn't matter when she literally asked a disabled man to help her with something and when he got there PROCEEDED TO LECTURE AN ENTIRE YARD ON HIS DISABILITY WITHOUT HIS PERMISSION, WHEN HE LITERALLY PHYSICALLY COULD NOT LEAVE.

And to the best of my recollection she never apologizes."

November 17, 2019 – page 187

28.33% ""Her instinct is to teach other people" How lovely maybe she could do that without LITERALLY HOLDING A DISABLED MAN THERE AGAINST HIS WILL.

"But Myth, she didn't mean to! She just wasn't thinking"

LITERALLY MY POINT"

November 17, 2019 – page 187

28.33% ""But Myth, the author didn't mean to make it like that" Maybe if she'd bothered ASKING a single disabled person instead of watching some youtube videos she might have LEARNED."

November 17, 2019 – page 190

28.79% "And look. I applaud people learning how to defend themselves and teaching others. HOWEVER. Chaol has only taught soldiers, and aside from that the idea that one or two sessions allows you to master several self-defense techniques is unlikely at best. It takes time, it takes repetition, and it takes someone who had more than one morning's instruction herself.

Just saying."

January 4, 2020 – Shelved as: assassin-rolls-do-it-better

May 30, 2020 – page 191

28.94% "It’s hard to tell with this author what distance we are in the narration. Feyre and Yrene both make snide little comments about people not caring or not doing something (in Yrene’s case, Chaol not smiling at her after her despicable behavior, in Feyre’s case Nesta not getting her a gift). I begin to suspect we aren’t supposed to see this as the character commenting on the event but the narration."

May 30, 2020 – page 191

28.94% "UNFORTUNATELY the books are written in close POV’s, Feyre’s in first and Yrene’s and Chaol’s in third. The result is that whatever the narration says is coming from the character.

This is a long way to say that Yrene continues to be terrible."

May 30, 2020 – page 193

29.24% "I don’t have enough orange tabs for this"

May 30, 2020 – page 194

29.39% "Yrene says here “[until that moment] she hadn’t felt like a barnyard animal” and I am not an expert but that seems like a Bad Thing to have about one of the only black women you haven’t killed off, Book."

May 30, 2020 – page 195

29.55% "“Did I do something to you today?”

*squints*"

May 30, 2020 – page 196

29.7% "I’m not going to pretend that Nesryn’s reaction here is perfect, but the book is trying to pretend it’s terrible and it’s not? She’s excited that Chaol can ride, she talks to Chaol directly about it, and immediately accepts that he can and says excitedly that maybe they can go see her family together. The initial disbelief might be disconcerting for some people, but she does several things Yrene does not."

May 30, 2020 – page 196

29.7% "As I said, she speaks directly to Chaol about his abilities (something Yrene doesn’t do), asks if he wants to do something together (permission is something for OTHER PEOPLE to Yrene, apparently, at least in regards to revealing someone’s medical information and literally moving people without their permission) and is immediately EXCITED that he can do something Chaol has specifically said he missed."

May 30, 2020 – page 196

29.7% "For the record these are all low bars to clear, but for all the book tries to contrast Yrene and Nesryn’s reactions to Chaol’s disability and how he works with and around it in Yrene’s favor, NESRYN IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CLEARS THE BARS.

But I’m supposed to be upset that she’s surprised that Chaol rode when he hasn’t been able to lately? Through a city that he’s never been to before? Without telling her?"

May 30, 2020 – page 196

29.7% "Not only are these two the only members of an embassy, they are romantically involved. OF COURSE SHE’S SURPRISED ALL OF THIS HAPPENED WITHOUT HER KNOWING ABOUT IT."

May 30, 2020 – page 198

30.0% "At least she apologizes FINALLY but also says that it’s because so few people come in with his injury that she wanted to show her students.

So then you ASK, Yrene, what is this bullshit?"

May 30, 2020 – page 199

30.15% "“She hadn’t considered - his feelings. That he might have them.”

Excuse me, what?"

May 30, 2020 – page 199

30.15% "Yrene is worried that if she leaves the ‘rift’ between her and Chaol will never be repaired because “Healers and their patients required trust. A bond.”

It’s too bad you have repeatedly fucked that up with unprofessional, unthinking, and downright cruel behavior then isn’t it, Yrene?"

May 30, 2020 – page 199

30.15% "I’m sure some people reading this statuses will think I’m being too harsh, but let me explain: Yrene is a healer who has dealt with this kind of injury before. That’s why she was textually assigned to Chaol. Yrene is not a family member who knows nothing of medicine or patient treatment and is feeling her way through learning how to respectfully assist someone with a disability."

May 30, 2020 – page 199

30.15% "Yrene is a PROFESSIONAL, she keeps telling us. She is The Best. She has dealt with this before.

There is literally no excuse for accidentally doing this. Had Yrene been a new healer tossed into this because she just happens to have magical power enough for it and was still a student, I would buy that she maybe hadn’t had the experience to think about it. If she was portrayed as a consummate professional who..."

May 30, 2020 – page 199

30.15% "...did not care about her patients’ feelings so long as she healed their bodies, I would buy it.

She isn’t. The book keeps trying to tell me she is The Best because of temperament and skill and power, but it fails to realize that doing so puts Yrene in a terrible light because all of those things mean she should KNOW BETTER."

#myth rags on throne of glass #myth reads tower of dawn

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dreamcatcherjiah · 5 years ago

Text

🌆 Nodus Tollens (Idol!Jin x YouTuber!reader)

Nodus Tollens Masterlist

Part 12

Plot: n. the realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore—that although you thought you were following the arc of the story, you keep finding yourself immersed in passages you don’t understand, that don’t even seem to belong in the same genre—which requires you to go back and reread the chapters you had originally skimmed to get to the good parts, only to learn that all along you were supposed to choose your own adventure.

After such a tiring day, you were really wondering if you were stretching yourself past your limits. Helping your parents at the restaurant had always been your priority, and you would rather quit everything else before leaving them busy and without your help. But days like this really made you question your life choices.

Waking up from a restless sleep so early in the morning to shower and go to class wasn’t your particular cup of tea, but regardless of how tired you felt, you powered on and got ready. Needing something to keep you awake for your morning lessons, you groaned aloud when you realised your tea tin was empty. Your mental notes — buy tea, immediately, you don’t want to repeat the disastrous events of May 6th, 2018 — weren’t working either, it seemed. Your little tin mocked you endlessly, staring back at you from your reflection in its shining bottom. Sigh. Lifting your head, you shifted your eyes to the top shelf of the kitchen cabinet, where that forgotten packet of instant coffee had been forgotten for nearly as long as you’d lived in that flat. No, you wouldn’t budge. Not even how tired you were would force you to drink that dark and bitter beverage, not for all the money in the world.

Flash forward to twenty minutes later, and you find yourself in the public bus, with your thermo in hand, filled to the brim with coffee that you obviously hadn’t touched. The universe literally wasn’t in your favour today. Forcing your to drink coffee, the nerve. But it wasn’t so much the coffee, as you looking at your phone to see a text from your mom, asking you to cover for her at lunchtime so she could go to her doctor’s appointment. You were tempted to tell her the truth; that your lessons would finish at half-past two PM, and you were scheduled to meet with Seokjin and Namjoon at three to write the hook of the song you were working on, and two hours later, you had to be back at campus to discuss some aspects of your thesis with your tutor, or else you risked to lag behind and not finish in time. All of this without saying that you obviously needed to finish the cover for Moon that you had promised Jin you would do, and upload another one to your channel taking into account you hadn’t done so in a week.

Looking out of the window at the moving cars and the busy people, you wondered what your mom would say if you said no. Probably that she understood and that your dad would manage on his own. Not likely. So you wrote back and told her you would be there at two, providing that you left your last lesson a bit before it was over. Then you texted both Namjoon and Seokjin to see if it would be possible to pass the meeting to the late evening after your meeting with your professor, hopefully giving you time to at least upload your cover. Or maybe you would just take your laptop and upload said cover in the restaurant and that would give you time to work in Moon for a while after you got home.

You arrived on campus and, after getting the green light from both idols, you set about finishing your day as fast as you could. The clock, however wasn’t agreeing with you. The minutes dragged on, and contrary to your normal behaviour, you found yourself nodding off and not focusing in what your professors were saying at all. Your mind kept going back and forth, going over all the things you had to do, fighting sleep because, let’s face it, you hadn’t touched that damned brew and were in the middle of a mental rant, berating yourself for such a petty and stupid behaviour. Caffeine was caffeine, whatever form it came, and right about now you needed it as you needed oxygen. One of those times you nodded off was a bit longer and deeper than the previous times; you were aware that you were in the middle of a lesson, but your clouded mind travelled far, far away, to a reality your mind recognised but you didn’t.

You were in some park, in front of a large, bright lake. The vision of the water kept glitching in front of your eyes and you tried to blink it away, to no avail. There were many voices surrounding you, joining together to create a cacophony you couldn’t decipher. Light was brightly blinding you and you were just in some sort of limbo, being there and not there at the same time. The shadows of the people whose voices you were hearing kept coming in and out of your vision, like some rewinding VHS movie, confusing you beyond measure but still giving you a sense of nostalgia you couldn’t place. What a strange dream you were having! One of the voices kept coming closer and closer; you could also see their body getting close to yours in their reflection in the lake, and you felt at peace. The deep tones of this person’s sentence were reaching you clearer the closer they got, and you managed to hear some of those words through the calming haze that was your dream. “This was the perfect location, Y/N. The kids are definitely enjoying themselves!” Kids? — you thought, at the same time love filled your every pore.

“Miss Y/N? I would appreciate it if you kept your eyes open during this lecture,” came the voice of the lecturer, and it effectively took you out of your mind. Your cheeks reddening at being caught and being the centre of attention, you nodded your head, keeping your eyes forcibly open for the next hour and a half.

The turn at the restaurant was everything but eventful. The typical kid throwing juice all over the table, insisting that he could feed himself, when his little arms didn’t even reach past the fork. This normally would have made you sigh in frustration, but something made you look at him smiling and wave your hand at his apologising parents, not frustrated at all. Your video was also coming along nicely, a bit slower than you would have liked but by the looks of it, it would be done by the time you had to leave for your appointment at campus.

After swallowing down a bit of apple pie your mom made, you tidied the tables and helped your dad with the last orders before you picked up your things and went running back to university. Thank the universe this wasn’t the same teacher who had caught you that morning sleeping, because that would have been an awkward conversation to have. Your phone vibrated in your pocket half through the discussion with your tutor, but you opted to ignore it. You would have time later to check it and give the appropriate answer. Not wanting to be rude, you focused all your attention in what your professor was saying and noting down all the reference books he was listing for you to make your research a bit more exhaustive. How much more exhaustive can it get, for the love of pizza? — you thought. Apparently, quite. You left his office with your notebook filled with names and dates, and many more books than you could carry, on your way to your appointment at BigHit.

It was only 4 PM and you were feeling like your day would never finish. The buses were packed today, and traffic near Gangnam was a nightmare. You had plenty of time before you had to be up in Rkyve studio to do some songwriting, but still, you worried. Out of the three of you, eight if you extended it to the rest of BTS, you were the less busy one; their schedules were a nightmare to work with — Seokjin’s words, not yours — and most of the time they just squeezed you in between practise and some photoshoot or another. So it was completely understandable for you to worry that you were making it even more difficult for them.

Once you walked all the way to the BigHit building, you were just dragging your feet, tired beyond measure and wanting desperately a place to sit down. You entered the building and entered the code Manager Sejin had given you for when you needed to enter BigHit without one of the members or a manager at least. You waited patiently for the elevator to arrive all the way to the first floor and got it, expecting it to be packed and finding it empty. At least something today was going your way, you had the whole ride to yourself. You smirked and thought how ironic it was; if you didn’t count your dad and your professor, you could count on the fingers of one hand how many more people had interacted with you today.

A sudden sickening feeling got ahold of you, and you stumbled forward, holding onto the railing to keep yourself upright. Your vision blurred again, and you tiredly thought how this was the second time in a day where you lost control of your own body.

You were inside the same elevator, or a very similar one and a happy feeling enveloped you, while you looked down. At your feet, holding your leg, was a little child, jumping up and down, making you somewhat unstable on your feet.

“Calm down, love,” your voice said, but you didn’t remember opening your mouth, “you’ll work yourself into a frenzy and will be tired tonight!”

“Faster! Faster!” Shouted the child, “I wanna see daddy, come on elevator!”

Taking a deep breath you realised the doors of the elevator were opening onto the floor where the reception desk was situated. Shaking your head, you tried to calm your heart, erratic after such a daydream, and moved forward, filing that information for a later inspection.

Approaching the desk, you nodded towards the man and the woman you had come to familiarise yourself over the weeks. And just when you were about to turn the corner into the studios, they called you over.

“Miss Y/N, did you not receive the texts Mr. Namjoon sent you?” Asked the woman.

Frowning, you buried your hand in your bag and fished out your phone, which you hadn’t checked since earlier on in the day. And there it was the text they were referring to.

So this was how your day had been. After apologising to the receptionists, you had descended again and called a taxi to take you home. You had finished the cover and sent it to Jin, closed all the blinds and laid in your bed, hoping sleep to claim you even though it was still early. Hoping for calmer, and less weird days to come for you, you closed your eyes and finally relaxed.

A/N: Surprise surprise!! With all the schoolwork I've been buried under, it's a miracle I was able to post this today!! but here you have it!! What do you guys think? Let's chat♥️♥️♥️

Send me an ask if you want to be added to the tag list 🥺

@zxlla @mabel-k3 @twiwwo @crystxljinie @atulipandarose @rjsmochii @expensive-grl @itsjynop @agustdez @salty-for-suga @io-is-lame @hot-tae-with-suga @minluvly

💜🌙

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