#i realize this is incredibly mopey and probably illegible

[lightspren]

for like. weeks now lol. i keep finding myself chanting in my head “i am OKAY, i am doing my best to be OKAY, i am not losing it, i am doing my best to keep it TOGETHER” et cetera, and rather than what i think my subconscious is attempting to do - to comfort myself and convince myself that i can Handle This - i think it much rather is driving me further up the fucking wall

kit is Not Okay y’all lmao

and kit feels stupid bitching about it cause like, who *IS* okay right now? really and truly??? but i’ve been doing my job plus like, 2/3 of another person’s job for multiple days now, which means I’m very, very behind on my own work, which drives me fucking insane because a lot of the stuff i’m behind on is scanning so like, there’s a physical manifestation of how far behind i am in the form of a 7 inch tall stack of shit to be scanned. but faxes need done! and people still break shit and thus need it fixed! and doctors are often whiny pissbabies if a thing doesn’t work Just Exactly As Expected! and apparnetly I’m supposed to be some magic wifi fairy that can fix their video visit app saying there’s a poor connection! even when IT’s response to my plea was basically “lol idk sorry bro”! and i’m still run down from the cold I got late last week! and having had to be out a day for that is part of why i’m so behind! and i can’t! keep! doing! this! it isn’t sustainable and i’m exhausted but there’s literally no alternative rn because the department i’m having to help fill in for has like, 13 of 30 staff members out either due to COVID or FMLA. so there’s legit just. nothign to be done. except let shit get behind. except i’m terrified of doing that bc i’m just waiting for like the important doctor to come looking for a document he sent back to scan three days ago that isn’t in the chart yet when it should be, and promptly losing his shit. and like my direct supervisor knows why i’ve been so busy, and she’s just apologetic about it but i’m just! so stressed!

my ex-supervisor, who’s now the manager of the central dept that has so many people out and has been enlisting my help, tried to get my office manager and supervisor to approve for me to be getting overtime this week to further help her coverage. and like i understand she needs the help but also i am going insane. and my office manager denied it, but she is not someone who takes no so i’d almost bet money she’ll get my office manager ot change her mind. and like. honestly i DO need to be able to do the overtime, if i ever have hope of catching up. but i’m so goddamn tired, mentally and physically and like fucking existentially. i’m so tire.d

and this is a long rambly rant that i’m not going to bother to proofread bc i don’t need a real reply to it or advice or whatever, there’s just. no digging out of this right now. there’s really not. my area is being gutted by COVID and until that stops being the case we get to continue in crisis management mode. like we’ve been for the last 9 fucking months, aka ever since i got this fucking promotion. oh and i need to not take vacation time either rn bc 1. there’s no coverage and 2. i need to save my vacation time for the (incredibly likely) possibility that i get COVID myself and am out for 3-4 weeks. because it’s increasing to Almost Certain I’ll get it, precautions be damned LMAO. and i will *not* be one to recover quickly from it jesus.

tldr i’m tired, i’m burnt out, there’s nothing i or anyone else can do about it, get to continue running myself into a wall until i drop dead the end 👉🏻😎👉🏻 

[pokefriendsimagine]

I have a mighty need for Guzma Wedding/Honeymoon hc x'D (just kill me now /wHEEZE)

I wanted Ty to do this one and to egg him on to make this blatantly about Ariel buuuuut I wanna get more done so I’m gonna do it in a general sense.

- Guzma totally got cold feet and needed his “best man” (Plumeria) to smack some sense into him… literally. His s/o was confused as to why his cheeks were red and in some of their wedding photos you can see the hand prints.

When Guzma gets scared he gets angry and somewhat mopey more than jittery. He paces, rants and raves and throws his hands in the air and yells and swears up a storm. Mostly ranting about what kind of idiot actually wants to marry him and how stupid he looks in a tux and how much of a fancy schmancy bore weddings are.

- He opens his tux, loosens his tie and opens his shirt a bit to feel more natural. Plumeria nugees his hair back into his former glory and he exhales and starts to feel better about this whole ordeal.

- Feels shitty about the engagement ring he bought. They deserved better but they wouldn’t want him to obtain it through illegal means but he wanted better for them and he tells Plumeria this. He wishes this was the kind of wedding where he could break shit because he’s about to break his damn skull on the wall to make this bitch ass anxiety fucking stop already.

- Plumeria whips out a flask. “Some, not all of it. Don’t even think I’m letting your sloppy ass get to that altar while you’re bombed to shit, ya hear me?”

She lets him have a drink and makes damn sure his breath is sweet and the alcohol is rinsed away because she’s not wishing no booze monkey on the honey who scored her dumb brother figure. They deserve better than that but they also deserve for him to show up and in one peace.

Grabs his shoulder, hard as fuck, enough to bruise even and makes him look her square in the eye. “You made like thirty of the cotton candy crew happy. No scandals but you made me happy too when I didn’t even figure how far I was from happy in the first place. You’re gonna be fine.”

- “… yo, but hear me out, Plums. What if they wind up wanting kids? I’m pretty sure they do.

”… if you finish that sentence with your fucked up father I really will sail in you, Boss.“

"I ain’t fuckin around here, Plums! What if some of that shit rubbed off on me, huh? Wake up one day and look around and come down off this rampage and realize my (spouse) is battered to shit or even my fuckin kids! I don’t wanna turn into that piece of shit, I’m fuckin bad enough already!”

She literally does wind up smacking him.

“Fuckin STOP IT, Guzma. You talked now it’s my turn. You know we fucked up with Team Skull, I know we fucked it, the whole region knows that shit was a hot mess of hell on wheels right? It’s done. You got yourself straight. That cute little dumbass out there who wants you? They know you’re more than Bjg Bad Guzma. Whatever you haven’t got right yet they’re gonna help you. They did a damn good job already. You oughta be proud. I fuckin am.”

- He didn’t cry and Plumeria wasn’t at all close to crying but she definitely warned him not to show up looking like a wet ratata to his wedding.

- … there were a few tears. Fine. No one needs to know.

- Except seeing his S/O when the time comes actually makes him stop and clutch his chest. He’s so rigid and tense and his face is red and he manages to smirk but it’s an odd hybrid of awkward smile and trying to hard to be smug smirk.

- Golisopod is the ring bearer. He’s just so happy and blissfully unaware of how messed up his trainer is. He’s just standing there all happy trying balance two rings on a pillow.

- While putting on one another’s rings he cracks and dies get slightly choked up. He plays it off but he’s trembling and his gaze is intense.

- He goes to far when the loss comes. He can’t stop kissing, he deepens it more than he should and he needs a prick from Golisopod and a rough smack on the back from Plumeria to get back to reality.

- The lesbian grunts caught the bouquet together. The gay grunts griped loudly in disappointment and when everyone stared at them they were super embarrassed. There had always been rumors but that was confirmation that they were in fact a thing. akonididntcatchrhebouqetbuthecaughtastrayflowergronit what?

- In between the wedding and the reception he pulls his s/o away with him for awhile. Conversation is sparse. He just needs a breather because the whole day has been heavy so far and he just wants some time alone with them before he has to share again. Before he has to slip back into his usual persona and not crack under pressure as he has been.

Admittedly the next part is inspired by “To The Moon” and it probably won’t be the last time I use this bit of influence but…

He asks if they feel any different now. If being married changed anything. How they look at things, how they feel… and will it change them?

He feels… well burnt as fuck after the wedding but being their husband and the blessed he made makes him feel somehow stronger. It’s pretty lit actually but it’s still a lot to wrap his head around.

- Plumeria roasted the fuck out if Guzma. Then Kukui who Guzma wound up inviting personally. Then Nanu who just seemed to show up because. He didn’t say to much but what he did say had the room ROARING. Guzma contemplates his life choices on the toilet right after this for half an hour.

- Busts it wide fucking open for the first dance with his s/o. Makes up for it by revealing he actually. An dance wonderfully for a little while. He may or may not have begged Kukui to help him. He wanted to dance like he did with Burnet. Kikui hadn’t even known he was at his wedding but Guzma couldn’t not go and wound up leaving an unsigned present for them.

They reconnected while teaching Guzma to properly dance but both kept calling the other gaaaaaay which Burnet also did because why would she not.Both dan ed with Guzma during this time.

- He’s not going to rough. He didn’t fuck them for the first time in their honeymoon because of course they fucked before marriage what are ya but he was still especially gentle (as much as Guzma can be). He’s terrified and feels guilty over any little bruise or mishap. He squeezes too hard when they snuggle up for sleep and when told to stop hugging so tight or let go he says

“Nah. Never.”

- They travel the regions together. He didn’t have a favorite and missed Alola but he really had no love for Kalos at all. Sinnoh was actually pretty fun because of how cool and high tech Sunyshore was but the moving sidewalks fucked him up more than once.

- He caught SO many bugs. He wanted to find a cute buggy honey for Golisopod because gotta hook ya boi up. I’ll leave it up to you if he was successful or not but imagine how happy Guzma would be to hold an egg while a cute little pre evo bug pokes its head out.

- There got so many sex toy “gag” gifts that saw SO much use let me just tell you that much.

I’m bad with honeymoons. Again, I’ll leave it up to the incredibly striking Mod Gruntcle to add more if he see for. This is his friend asking after all.~

~ Mod Opal enjoyed the fuck out if this

~ ModGruntcle approved of ALL of this well done Mod Opal you've outdone yourself. owob