#i read almost half of my 800 page book today at work because i literally had so much free time

[yvmoveon]

.

[bigdreamsandwildthings]

Review: House of Earth and Blood (Sarah J. Maas, Crescent City #1)

Rating: ★★★★★/5

"'See, that right there is the problem. You and the whole rest of the world seem to think I exist just to find someone like him. That of course I can't be genuinely not interested, because why wouldn't I want a big, strong male to protect me? Surely if I'm pretty and single, the second any powerful Vanir shows interest, I'm bound to drop my panties. In fact, I didn't even have a life until he showed up - never had good sex, never felt alive -' Darkest Hel, this woman. 'You've got a real chip on your shoulder there, you know.' Bryce snickered. 'You make it really fucking easy, you know.'" This is a fucking masterpiece. I really took my time with it, kind of because life got insane, but also because I savoured every word. I wonder if there will come a day where I don't rate an SJM book 5 stars...in any case, today is not that day. In Bryce's world, vampyrs, fae, angels, and all manner of otherworldly entities are not otherworldly at all, but instead, regular citizens. In her world, humans are lesser than, looked down upon, and as half-Fae, Bryce is almost worse. Cursed (blessed?) with no power, she works for an antiquities dealer, dates other normal human males, and parties with her friends. But when tragedy strikes, Bryce is forced to work with an angel, Hunt Athalar, to search for what could be a dangerous serial killer on the loose in Crescent City. Trying to avoid spoilers in the synopsis is extremely challenging, but I went into this having not even read the inside cover summary, and because of that, it was an immersive experience like no other. I would recommend that to anyone thinking about picking this up; don't let Sarah's other books colour your judgement going in, for better or worse. Don't read the synopsis, don't go on Goodreads and read spoilery reviews, don't search the tag on Tumblr. You'll thank me later. A major strength of this book for me is how it is technically still "high" fantasy with the other world elements but it almost feels and reads like paranormal fantasy. I love Sarah's other series, will read literally anything she throws out into the universe, but I wondered if we'd get something similar with this first adult series (fae, high fantasy, etc.). Although we got the fae aspect, this is basically a modern world, and the addition of technology with the different Houses and how everything feels familiar enough yet also alien and fascinating is SO ORIGINAL and SO COOL. SJM's strength that draws me in so hard every single time is her characters. Bryce is a character I would normally hate in this kind of paranormal-feeling fantasy. She's that gorgeous, curvy, sassy party girl - but, because it's SJM, of course that's not all she is. And Hunt is more of her classic broody man, but at the same time, he's so distinct to me, and such a rock of a character too. He's who I want saving me if I need rescuing from a fire or something. And Ruhn! God I loved him. The party boy with the heart of gold. The development amongst the three of them was handled with such grace and patience over the course of the 800 pages. No character is ever just one thing, never reduced to a stereotype, and fuck did it all move me to tears multiple times. I've said it before, and I'll say it again here, what pushes a book to a five star rating for me is the element of surprise. I don't want to be able to predict what's coming. And here, boy oh boy, did I have no idea how this was going to end. The mystery is so well-handled, I never felt impatient, and every time Hunt and Bryce were following a lead, I genuinely thought it was a good one. There were so many intricate connections, but at the same time, it never felt overwhelming. And the ultimate payoff, the reveal of everything, is so wonderfully satisfying and moving and emotional. The emotion is what does it for me with SJM too. She always manages to weave these emotional threads through everyday, mundane happenings in her books so that when she tugs on them later you can't help but sob and wonder how you got to this place. I was crying at work by the end of this one. Her characters are so realistic, her worlds so well-developed, her writing so beautiful, that it all just comes together in this perfect storm of fiction that I can't help but absolutely adore. I love this book, and I can't wait to see where we go from here.

[littlemisslovelovelove3]

If this comes across your dashboard, just ignore it. I’m stressing out but it’s 4am and everyone I could normally talk to is sleeping, so I’m basically using this as a digital venting session/journal entry because it’s easier than digging out all my actual journaling stuff.

I don’t know what’s going on with me tonight but I’m feeling very off. I’m feeling an intense urge to cry like I haven’t felt in years despite nothing of importance happening. And not like “aww I’m a little sad” but like “I want to sob like the love of my life just died” cry. The ugly, splotchy face, runny nose, can’t catch your breath kind of crying session that dominated my childhood. (I had a very good childhood- I was just hella dramatic and still am. I was never a weeper, I was an all out crier)

My sleep schedule has been fucked up for like the 300th time this year where I am wide awake all night and sleeping all day, or at least some variation of that. I’m so tired all the time but there have been more nights this year than any other year in recent memory that I’ve struggled this much with sleep. I used to be out almost as soon as my head hit the pillow and now it’s not uncommon for me to be wide awake at 8am having not gone to sleep at all. And I’m sure not seeing a decent amount of sunshine isn’t helping, but once I finally manage to pass out, I’m out. It’s not always restful, but it’s better than no sleep at all.

I’m struggling to focus on anything for a decent length of time- I’ve bought an ~obscene~ number of books, started half a dozen of them and none of them are holding my interest. I used to be able to fly through 800 page books in under 2 days and now I can’t even read a 472 page book in 3 weeks. I’ve read some fan fiction to see if that will help my reading slump but it’s been touch and go on those too.

I’ve tried watching tv and with the exception of the few shows I watch at night with my mother, I’ve been unable to get through any new or currently started shows. I restarted Rizzoli & Isles and haven’t been able to make it through the first season of a whopping 10 episodes. I’m beyond behind on Doctor Who, I lost interest in my favorite show of all time Buffy the Vampire Slayer, stopped Angel and haven’t been able to get through episode 2 of The Queen’s Gambit. Even picking a tv show has been hard. I was never good at making simple decisions before but now I’m hopeless.

The only movies I’ve watched lately are with my mom or the kids movies I watch with my friend’s son that I nanny for part time. He’s a great kid and I live him like he was my own, but I can’t watch The Addams Family one more time. It’s great but damn kid pick one of the other 50,000 available options.

I scroll through social media a lot but even that bores me. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, tumblr, tiktok, Snapchat- none hold my attention for very long. Except maybe tiktok because I’m pretty sure it’s digital crack but sometimes even it bores me.

I’ve been awful about going to the gym. I used to go 4-6 times a week and lately it’s been once a week and only because I pay for a group session with a trainer. It’s literally me and 1-3 other women depending on the day. And I can feel myself losing endurance, muscle and strength.

We aren’t going home for Christmas and while I absolutely understand why, I’m incredibly devastated that I won’t see my sisters, their families and my extended family this year. Sure I saw my one sister and her family in June but there’s something about going home for Christmas that is always extra special to me. We’re (my parents, brother and I) are going to miss out on my nephew’s second Christmas and the first one he’ll be able to really enjoy. He was 4 weeks at his first Christmas so he basically slept the whole time. We already missed his first birthday and while we’ve FaceTimed a bunch, it’s not the same.

And I was really hoping to see my grandpa, but he’s 91 and I could never forgive myself if I exposed him to covid. But I’m also scared about the very real possibility of never getting to see him again. His wife, my grandmother died 2 years ago and if I had known that the last time I saw her was the last time, I would’ve hugged her a little tighter and told her how much I love her. I miss her every day. I catch myself still calling the house “their home” or “grandma and grandpa’s”. Calling it “grandpa’s” still feels foreign to me. The idea that I’ll be missing Christmas with my dad’s family for the first time in my life is not sitting well with me.

My head gets it- there’s a fucking pandemic raging and traveling is ill advised but my heart doesn’t care, as melodramatic as it sounds. It’s like my body wants to go home to my hometown and back to where I grew up like it’s somehow going to be a source of comfort. Even though it’s not the same as it was when I lived there. I moved away 5 years ago and it kept on growing and changing despite my naïve belief it would stay the same.

So basically I’m feeling incredibly nostalgic and stressed. My anxiety is raging and I’m pretty sure the antidepressant my psychiatrist prescribed me isn’t doing much. I’m not having dark thoughts like I was in the spring when I first started seeing him, but I still don’t feel like myself. I’m also unemployed which is definitely not helping matters. I have savings and live with family but that’s not a long term solution. But my family is all high risk for covid and there aren’t many jobs around me right now that a) pay enough and b) can limit exposure.

If it weren’t wildly inappropriate I’d drive myself to my friend’s house right now and go snuggle his dog and/or cat right now, because honestly I feel like that would help. But I’ll wait until the morning when he’s at work so I don’t scare the shit out of him. Full disclosure if you’ve actually been reading this and made it this far- I’ve been given a key and explicit permission to go to his house and squeeze his pets. Tomorrow I might actually take him up on the offer. I may even bring the dog back to my place, which again, I’ve been given permission to do.

Adult friendships are weird y’all. My friends and I all have keys or security codes to each other’s homes and using them happens on a more frequent basis than I would’ve anticipated. My house has become the Friday night landing zone for after work (for them) drinks, relaxation and occasionally dinner. Which is so foreign to me because for the last couple years all my friends lived in other cities and/or states, so actually being even somewhat social again has been jarring. Between not having friends nearby and the damn pandemic it’s been really really fucking weird.

I’m sure the pandemic is a major reason I’m feeling so out of sorts, but it’s not going away any time soon and I feel like I need to figure out some of my shit or at least find some healthy ways of coping to survive. Not anything crazy- I’m not suicidal- I’m just super dramatic and also realize that I don’t want my anxiety and depression to keep controlling me like it feels like it has been. I’m big on needing to feel like I’m in control even the littlest bit, so this whole situation is making me feel very unbalanced and I’m not a fan.

And now that I’ve at least written this out I’m actually feeling somewhat better. The stress is still here but it doesn’t feel as overwhelming as it did earlier. It helped I cried while writing about my grandmother. One day I hope I won’t get overly emotional when thinking about or talking about her, but I’m ok with that being not today.

It’s kinda cliché but the whole “it’s ok to not be ok” mantra is really accurate for me right now. I’m sure I’m not the only person in the world feeling overwhelmed right now with everything going on and I certainly won’t be the last.

[kbrown78]

Monthly Wrap Up: September

Looking back, September wasn't a great month. Granted I did read 9 books and 3 of those books were over 500 pages, but most of these books I didn't enjoy. There were a couple highlights and two of the books that I did read were non fiction, both I thought were fairly good. I will also say real quick that I tried to start the last book in the Gemma Doyle trilogy, but I gave up on it because it was the exact same story I had to endure in the second book and I wasn't going to deal with 800 pages of that.

The Defiant Heir by Melisa Caruso: This is the second book in the Swords an Fire trilogy, and I thought it was even better than the first, and I gave the first one 5 stars. First it does build off of what was established in the previous book, with the worlds and the characters. The main conflict is Amalia trying to prevent an internal war while also trying to solve what happened to the missing Falcons. This series is exactly what I want to read, with an amazing intellectual character who knows how to use her smarts to achieve her goals and is someone who tries to do right thing. The relationships are all astounding, female friendships in particular, and I like that Amalia's mother is an active presence who cares about her daughter but lets her do her own thing. The romance is great too, despite the fact that there is a love triangle. The villain is despicably evil, but he's not mustache twirling and while he did have a sad past, that fact isn't even remotely treated as an excuse for his horrible actions. The plot keeps me invested and keeps adding new twists that add to the story. The world is fantastic, with each location feeling well developed and distinct from each other. Seriously the only complaint I have about this series is that it isn't longer. The Defiant Heir received 5 out 5 stars.

Bitterblue by Kristen Cashore: This book was such a disappointment. When I first read the Graceling trilogy, I hated the other two books, and I think that clouded my judgement and made me rate Bitterblue much higher. I do ultimately think Bitterblue is the best book in the series, but after rereading it I realize that it's not nearly as good as I originally thought it was. It's going to be hard to do this review without giving away spoilers, but I'll try. A brief synopsis is that Queen Bitterblue is working to help her kingdom recover and there are those that are trying to stop her. So Bitterblue makes an effort to be a good ruler and do the right thing in difficult situations. She's also book smart, which I usually like that type of character, but she did some really stupid things and was also quite bratty at times. There are two potential love interests, and I didn't really like either of them. One was just brooding, which I never like in a love interest, the other one was a bit boring. The weakest aspect of this book is definitely the plot. There's a sub plot about rebellion in the other kingdoms, but it was pretty irrelevant to the overall plot, and I just wasn't interested in any of the characters involved. This is the part where it's impossible to talk about the book with out spoilers, but I will say this. The struggle's that the kingdom is facing were well written and did a good job of exploring various themes of ruling and recovery. However, the big plot twist at the end that helps resolve their issues is so unrealistic that it causes the entire story to just collapse. The best aspects of this book were some of the themes explored and the art work because there are some beautiful interior designs. I would still say this book is the best out of the three, but looking back it isn't nearly as good as I remember it (although I do in part blame the reading slump I was in after finishing Defiant Heir, but only partly). Bitterblue received 2 out 5 stars and was my pick for the PopSugar promt “book with your favorite color in the title”.

Red Sister by Mark Lawrence: I went into this book with high expectations, and while it did live up to a few, it also disappointed me. The basic summary is this girl gets taken in by a convent of assassin nuns, where she spends her years training. Sounds like a pretty cool synopsis, but every time I hope a book is going to be similar to Harry Potter, with the schooling, it never lives up to that expectation. First I liked the protagonist, Nona. It was nice to have a female character who was a badass fighter, but she wasn't cold. She cares deeply about her friends and friendship and protecting those she cares about are important to her. That's not a type of character I see often. With that established, I do think some of the friendships were well done, like Hessa's, Arabella's and Clera's, because of how much they differ but at the same time feeling like it wasn't forced. Some of the nuns were interesting, but they didn't quite feel fully fleshed out, and one nun I hated because of how mean she was and I'm sick of seeing that kind of adult in fiction. The world building was so weird, and I honestly didn't like it because it felt very underdeveloped and made little sense. The story is Nona's story, but there times when I felt like it didn't focus on her and those were usually my least favorite parts because I was just invested in Nona, not in anything that was happening in the outside world or with any other character. Because of that there were some parts I honestly just skimmed through. I mentioned the Harry Potter thing, and what I meant by that is Nona has classes that she needs to take, and while they are mentioned, I didn't get much of sense of her learning. It was more like she suddenly had these skills, which I blame on both the lack of detail on what she did learn, and the poor pacing of this story, with those parts just being rushed through at a rate I couldn't even discern. So while I liked parts of the story, I definitely didn't love it was much as I thought I would and I'm not sure if I'm going to continue with rest of the series. Red Sister received 3 out 5 stars from me.  

The Silk Roads: A New  History of World by Peter Frankopan: I was originally going to be reading this book over the entire year, but I decided to just finish it up as some as possible. I didn't tag this book and I won't be doing a full review of it because it is historical nonfiction. Now the premise of the book intrigued me, exploring world history through the Silk Road, and I also though the cover was pretty. The first half of the book really intrigued because I like learning about ancient history, and it was very detailed and I was fascinated by what I was learning. My impression, however, had been that this book would primarily focus on ancient times, but this was not the case. I could have done with history that was all pre-1700s, but the last third of the book focused on history from the 1800s to modern times, and while I tried to pay attention because there was a lot that was relevant to today's world, I just couldn't focus as much as I had in the previous sections. That's not to say it wasn't as well written or well researched as the previous parts, I just wasn't interested anymore. So this book received 3.5 out 5 stars,  but that's only because it's a case of “it's not you, it's me,” and I would highly recommend this book to anyone that loves history.  

You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero: This was the other nonfiction I read this month, and this was just a real quick self help book. I do think overall it did a good job at identifying ways to improve but I do admit I started skimming through the extra text just to get to the bullet points. So helpful but maybe not presented in the most efficient way. You Are A Badass received 3 out 5 stars.

The Library at Mount Char by Scott Hawkins: Oh man, I was looking forward to this book, but it epicly failed. I read a sample of it and was really intrigued. It felt very mysterious, I didn't know exactly what was going on and I got the distinct impression that these characters weren't entirely human. Then I read the rest of the book and I didn't connect with any of the characters, I found the writing style to be increasing irritating, the story made no sense to me because I didn't understand what was happening and I didn't understand the sense of urgency, and I got increasingly sexist vibes from the story. All I can make sense of is that “Father” was gone missing from the Library and there's a lot of death and resurrection. I can't do a full review of this story because I DNFed it 50% through, I just couldn't take it anymore. I initially chose this one as my pick for the PopSugar promt “book set in a library”  and needless to say this book received 1 out 5 stars because I couldn't even force myself to finish it.  

Circle of Magic: Sandry's Book by Tamora Pierce: I hoped that I would enjoy this one. I've been looking forward to reading it for awhile. But lately I've really been struggling with YA, and even for a YA book I found this one to be bad. First, there's no plot. Literaly two major events happen in the book and that's it everything else was filler. What I remember of almost all my favorite reads as a child (with the exception being East) is that they got into the action and the plot fast, so I can definitely say that even as child I wouldn't have liked this book. I thought all the characters were pretty flat. I wasn't expecting to get everyone's perspective, I thought there would just be Sandry's perspective, since the book is literally called “Sandy's Book,” and I don't think adding in the extra perspectives helped the story in any way. I also got the impression that the children were acting overly immature but also the audience was expected to be immature. There was one scene where three of the character don't know what the word “kid” means, and it really irritated me. I won't be doing a full review for this one too, because I did tag it, but I didn't take any notes because of how overly simple this story was. I have the next 3 books and maybe they'll get better, but I'm in no rush. Sandry's Book received 1.5 out 5 stars.  

The Star Touched Queen by Roshani Chokshi: So I mentioned in the previous entry that I have been struggling with YA, particularly YA fantasy. This book, thank goodness, is a very pleasant exception to that. I really liked reading this book the first time through, and second read through, while there were a few things I disliked, I actually enjoyed the story even more. It's always pitched as Hades/ Persphone with Indian folklore, and both parts are so well done. I loved the romance, I loved the story, I loved the characters (most of them). The writing style is gorgeous, it's so flowery and atmospheric. I could see the vivid colors, I could taste the jewel fruit. I love Chokshi's books, and I cannot wait to get to her short stories that are set in the same world. Star Touched Queen received 5 out 5 stars.  

Sabriel by Garth Nix: And so we return to the YA slump. I shouldn't be too hard on this book though. There were some very interesting aspects of it, and the first half of the book was good. Sabriel was competent character who was trained to deal with death, and Mogget was this eerie figure that I kind of liked but was also kid of afraid of. I loved the focus on death, and how death is it's own world. The magic system was really cool to, with different marks and the bells. I thought the pacing of the first half was decent too, fast but not rushed. Things took a turn, however, when the love interest was introduced. It was so obvious this guy was the love interest, and the relationship felt so forced and there was insta-love, which I hate. After Touchstone was introduced, the pacing was so much more rushed, there was a lot of telling instead of showing, and there was also quite a bit Deus Ex Machina. Things really fell apart in the second half, and it turns out this was because the first book was going to be treated more as a prequel instead of a first book. Sabriel received 3 out 5 stars.