#i read 5 of these kinds of trades announcements every day and have never burst out laughing

[nealcassatiel]

absolutely unhinged and hilarious official quotation to attach to a season renewal trades announcement  😂  😂  😂

[thealphabetmurders]

Scrambled Thoughts

Pairings: Romantic Logince, Sibling Analogical

Word Count: 2228 (for Chapter 5), 12714 in total

(Previous) (First)

Summary: Roman was not a rebel by any means. Roman was not a fan of breaking rules. Sure, he bent some from time to time, but never done anything blatantly wrong, that was not in service to his passions. Yet, despite the protests his best friend and his consciousness, he picks up two dozen eggs and goes to vandalize. Now, Roman has to avoid suspension, make amends with Virgil, alleviate the concern of Patton, and not fall in love with his enemy Logan.

Triggers: Bullying, Violence, Vandalism, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Mentions of Racism, Classism

Authors Note: And we are done. Thank you so much to everyone who has read this, I am so very proud of it. I have two announcements for this. #1. I was thinking about getting Roman and Logan's first kiss commissioned by someone, because I really like the way I wrote that. So if you do art or can recommend me someone, then go ahead and comment or message me on here. #2. I have the skeleton of an epilogue for this. It ends the fic on more of a humorous note and finally resolves the eggs, so let me know if you want that. This journey is at it's close.

(This fic was inspired by a dream @misplaced-my-notes had, thank you).

Taglist (for everyone who seemed interested): @misplaced-my-notes, @jaszczurkaaa, @an-atypical, @jughead-is-canonically-aroace, @mystrangedarkson

(Read on AO3)

“Hey.”

Roman felt a harsh kick on the back of his shin. “Ouch,” He responded, turning around to see his former (?) nemesis standing over him, crossing his arms with a small smirk on his face, “What exactly was that for?”

Virgil shrugged, but offered a hand to help Roman up from drilling the bottom section of the flat. “I just need to talk to you,”

Roman frowned at this omission, “What exactly would we need to talk about, no offense,”

Virgil groaned, looked around the auditorium, quickly snapping his head from side to side, then he grabbed Roman by the bicep and pulled him out of the stage area to the spare woods shop and tools room.

“Look, I just wanted to get some things straight with you, okay?

“Impossible, I am a gay as a warm spring day!” Roman flourished, half-bowing. Virgil pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose, muttering something under his breath.

“That is obviously not what I meant,”

“What do you need, we are still in class, y’know,” Roman frowned, now getting concerned. He had been watching the anxious kid for about a month now, and he never seemed to go out of his way to talk to anyone. No matter what, he was always recluse and a bit cold, nevertheless, he went out of his way to talk to Roman, which means it must be important.

“Do you know what day it is?”

Roman scoffed, rolling his eyes, “Seriously genius, you couldn’t just look on your phone to see it is Wed-”

“No no, you misunderstand, the date,” Virgil waved his hands in front of Roman, obviously frustrated.

Roman winced in spite of himself, forgetting that Virgil is speaking his second language and translating everything he is saying in his head, so making fun of his vernacular is a dick move, “Ah, sorry, it is September 29th.”

“Right, and do you remember what happened a month ago?”

“I-” Roman’s realization dawned upon him, “Oh, right, that. Did Logan say he was going to-”

“No, he is not,” Roman cocked his head to the side as Virgil continued, “He told me last night that he has ‘let the whole thing go’,” Virgil dropped his air quotes, wearing a disgusted look on his face, but Roman’s expression perked up.

“Well, that’s great, yeah? He is not going to say anything about me egging your house and I obviously am not going to say anything. This is fantastic!”

“Yea, fantastic,” Virgil grumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking down at his shoes.

“Is it not? Do you- do you want me to get expelled Virgil? Because I swear I thought you liked me. I know we are kind of enemies but I always thought it was in a playful banter type of way, not that you would ever actually try to “take me down” or whatever,” Roman gasped, “Unless that was your plan all along. Oh my God, that is genius, you really are an incredible actor, Virgil, you should join theater with-”

“Drž hubu! Drž hubu Roman, I swear, you talk so much,” Virgil shouted. “I just- That is not what I am saying, this has nothing to do with me,”

“What does this have to do with, then?”

Virgil sighed, calming himself down a bit, before speaking, “What are your feelings towards Logan?”

Roman was taken back a bit by the question, which must have put a shocked expression on his face, making Virgil quirk an eyebrow up, “We- we’re friends. Good friends, Virgil,”

“Just friends?”

“No!” Roman said, putting his hands up a bit too defensively, “I mean, yes, obviously just friends, I said no because we are no more than- not more than friends. I just- No, we are friends,”

“I just cannot think of any other reason why Logan would let this go other than him being,” Virgil shivered a bit, “In love. He would do anything to get ahead and is a crazy ambitious guy. He has all the proof he needs as well,”

“What do you mean ‘all the proof’-”

“And you two spend everyday after school together now. I see how you hold onto him on his motorcycle,”

Roman scoffs, thinking about his afterschool activities as of late, specifically, the ride to his apartment, “If you mean how I hold on for dear life because motorcycles are giant death bicycles, then you would be correct,” Virgil widened his eyes, very obviously mouthing ‘wow…’ in Roman’s direction, making the latter frown, standing in akimbo, “Maybe Logan has just, I dunno, thawed out a bit. That whole Ice Punk Prince act was getting tired,”

“Act?” Virgil repeated incredulously.

“No, no, no,” Roman waved his hands in front of him, “Just, a phase,”

“A phase, huh?” Virgil frowned even deeper, crossing his arms over his chest after zipping up his jacket.

Roman sighed, shrinking in on himself, “Well, yea. Clothes often times are a direct reflection of how we are feeling, and Logan tries to distance himself from whomever he feels he is getting close to. This creates problems whenever he tries to form meaningful relationships with anyone because of his abandonment issues with his parents. They were never really there for him so he does not realise how important those kinds of relationships can be, on a fundamental level. The phase that he is in now cannot be held up forever because eventually he is going to need a support system for himself, and I believe he is recognizing that,”

Roman bit his lip a bit, “It feels nice to be one of the first people he is warming up to, y’know? I am sure you understand, Virgil,”

Virgil straightened out his shoulders and uncrossed his arms and was wearing a soft smile on his face, one that was really only reserved for his brother most days, “Yea. I think I do understand, Roman. I am shocked about how well you know Logan,”

Roman laughed, “Well, he was a tough nut to crack, but I try my best to get to know people now before making snap judgments about them. And, I took AP Psych last year,”

“Oh, hey,” Virgil pointed at Roman, “I am in that now,”

“Really? Roman asked, foregoing their original conversation, “Do you have Woodstock?”

“No, I got Davis,”

Roman pouted, “Lucky, you got the easy Psych teacher. She does not grade worksheets, it is all participation,”

“It is not so easy for someone who has anxiety,” Virgil deadpanned. Roman opened his mouth to refute/apologise, until Virgil spoke up again, “Nah, I am just playing, she normally takes pity on me because I am the exchange student,”

“Either way, that is just my two cents from my year of Psych. Maybe all Lo wants is a meaningful friendship.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, “Friendship, sure. Either way, I support you,”

Roman smirked, “Or, maybe, he just really wants my coc-”

There was a harsh rapping on the metal door leading to the shop room where a teen’s voice could be heard, “Roman, Virgil, Mr. B says if you are done making out then you need to come out and help clean up,”

Roman could not help but laugh wildly as Virgil turned beet red and quickly shuffled out of the shop room.

Despite the boisterous laughter, Roman could not cover up what he was thinking: Did he have deeper feelings for Logan? Logan always was a really clever, handsome guy. He was the type of person whose voice carried like silk throughout a room and was pleasant to listen too, and his tight jeans were not doing the world a disservice.  He was always willing to help and to learn, even in a trade he did not necessarily need to know about. Logan will most likely never change oil in his life, but the idea of even having the option to learn was just enough to get him to become excited. Logan had so much passion. Most people thought of him as cold or robotic or unfeeling, but Roman saw the human and the warmth and there was so much passion packed in his stout frame, so much Roman fears sometimes the smaller man will start singing like a teapot and burst.

Logan and Roman continued to text and hang out every day. Roman rode on the back of Logan’s motorcycle enough for his to stop screaming, but the tightness of his grip only increased. They continued this routine for a few days, but Virgil’s question still burned in his mind.

It burned and consumed his every thought. Every interaction now had a deeper meaning and he couldn’t look at anything surface level. It kept him up at night, he couldn’t close his eyes without imagining his smile. It became increasingly difficult to talk or hang out and it made his emotions go haywire, but luckily Roman was an actor by nature.

After two weeks, Roman knew, and Roman had his answer.

Roman: I am head over heels for Logan.

Pat-Man: oh dear… D:

A Tuesday, afterschool

“You ready to go, pretty boy, I don’t like to wait?” Logan threw the helmet at Roman who barely caught it in his haste to put his jacket back on from his waist.

“I told you not to call me that,” Roman grumbled, putting on his helmet.

Logan shrugged, “Why not, it’s so fitting,”

“Wait, what is th-” Roman was cut off by Logan’s motorcycle engine turning on and raised an eyebrow before putting on his helmet. Roman got on the back of the motorcycle before they sped off to Roman’s apartment.

After 10 minutes, they reached their destination. Logan parked his bike and took off his helmet, running his hands through his black hair, climbing off the motorcycle. He looked off into the distance at the parkway he just came off of. Roman let his eyes trail over his frame. Logan’s dark blue button up paired with a black tie nicely accented his subtle muscles. He didn’t wear ripped jeans often, but today, he wore pitch black jeans with rips on the knees and thighs with those oh so familiar combat boots. Roman’s mouth went dry. It was a partly cloudy day, but Logan was glowing. Roman was barely paying any attention until he fell off of the motorcycle back and hit his shoulder hard on the pavement.

“Roman! Are you alright?” Logan rushed over to Roman’s aid, muttering to himself, eyes filled with worry and concern. Roman almost forgot how nice and cool Logan’s voice sounded. He realised he was wrong, Logan’s voice is velvet. “Roman, what is wrong?” He realised only then he had been staring at the other with a blank look on his face, saying nothing.

“No, nothing is wrong. I feel fine,” Roman’s voice wavered a bit as he looked away from Logan.

Logan said nothing as he led Roman over to the curb and they both sat down, Roman let out at sigh of relief, standing up and the short walk to the ledge somehow became very difficult.

“Roman, did you sleep at all? Eat?” Logan asked. Roman shook his head, and Logan took his hand in his and rub his thumb across his knuckles, Roman’s pulse speeding up exponentially at the act, “Do you, uh, want to talk about it?”

Roman’s eyes widened and shook his head, “Oh, good, I would not know how to deal with that,” Logan said, running his hands through his hair with his free hand. Roman smiled at this and shook his head, “Well, here is some generic advice then: you are, uh, incredible, Roman. Whatever this is, it is not worth you not eating or sleeping over,” He raised an eyebrow at Logan and the man in question gripped the bridge of his nose, “I’m sorry, I wish I could be more empathetic. I care about you, Roman. I care… A lot,”

Roman eyes shot up and looked at Logan. He was not looking at any part of Roman and was biting his lip, looking vulnerable and open. He was frantically rubbing his knuckles now, his eyes filled with worry. Roman thought back to what Virgil said, then back to Logan giving him homework, then his apology, then the altercation in the hallway, and the first time they declared war upon one another in the vice principal’s office, what did they all have: Passion. Logan is passion. He tries so hard to subdue it, but it is who he is, and Roman cannot get enough of it. Poor Logan’s stoic demeanor is cracking ever so slightly, and just enough for Roman to read between the lines.

“Hey Logan,” Roman started, his voice scratchy and raw, “Did you know that the lips are among the body parts that have the most nerve endings out of the whole body?”

“Yes, I did. Though I am unsure as to why you’re telling me-”

Roman cut Logan off, he cupped his face and connected their lips, effectively shutting him up. The kiss was sweet and tender and chastate. Yet, somehow the kiss was filled love and admiration, and walls broken down of tension between them. Logan responded and gripped the back of Roman head, slightly tugging his brown locks and deepening the kiss. The kiss now had heat and fire in their lips. A blazing inferno was created with every second passing of the pair’s kissing. Eventually, Logan broke the kiss and rested his forehead against Roman’s.

Roman chuckled slightly, “It is what makes contact with them so perceptible,”

Logan laughed, “Oh, you gorgeous bastard,” He cupped his face and kissed Roman again, filled with that same passion that enraptured Roman so many months ago.  

[forestwater87]

The last part of my turned-into-a-monster-far-beyond-my-intention art trade with @doritofalls! Hope you enjoy! :)

Chapter 5

The next time Daniel appeared, Kevin half-expected to see a knife in his hand. Maybe Sister Hannah hovering over his shoulder, telling him that Xemüg would be proud or something.

But he was alone -- paler than usual, with circles under his eyes that looked smudged on by makeup, but alone.  “You can’t come to the ascension,” he said.

Kevin smirked, leaning against the doorframe. “Nice to see you too, Dan.”

“This isn’t a joke! You aren’t going to the ascension party.” Normally this was the point where he would’ve shoved past Kevin inside, and there was something sad and unnerving about the way he was just hovering outside, glowing brilliant-white in the trailer-dotted wasteland of his front yard, like a diamond ring dropped in the gutter.

“Let me guess, Sister Hannah said no. I’d be too impure and ruin the vibe.” He’d been expecting something like this, and something cold and leaden rolled off his chest. Kevin had had a couple days to think through his spur-of-the-moment dare -- and to realize that he was perhaps just as insane as this merry band of cultists -- and when the alternative was probably being force-fed poison, he was very relieved to be disinvited to the party.

Daniel didn’t react, his eyes dark and bloodshot and unwavering from his own. “You would,” he said, a few seconds too late, like a poorly dubbed movie. “All your questions and your unclean habits -- your unclean mind -- you ruin everything. I don’t want you there.”

Okay, this was starting to sound like the kind of speech that was usually accompanied by a chainsaw and “the voices in my head made me do it.” Kevin slid his foot back, shifting his weight as subtly as possible to not look like he was running the fuck away. “That’s kinda harsh, don’tcha think?” he asked, only vaguely aware of what he was saying -- infinitely more aware of every twitch and tremor of the (very, very insane) man in front of him.

His fingers fluttered, a movement that would barely have been noticeable if Kevin’s brain wasn’t working so hard it was probably overheating, fans whirring as he tried to take in everything and plan a potential escape -- and oh, devote maybe 2.5% of his attention to the things Daniel was actually saying. “Don’t. Just . . . don’t, Kevin.”

Is that the first time he’s actually used your name? the stupid, useless 2.5% of his brain asked unhelpfully.

“Sure, man. Whatever you want me to do. Or not do. Whatever.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, fingering the switchblade hidden there. He was painfully aware of the fact that the Flower Scouts were inside the trailer, trying futilely to get an ancient monster of an air conditioner to work. (He had no idea where it had come from; the girls had just showed up that afternoon, staggering under its weight. For kids loudly opposed to anything resembling work, it was a hell of a lot of effort to go to.) Chances were good they could take care of themselves; he’d seen them scare off giants with machine guns, and Daniel was only 120 pounds of crazy and seemed unarmed. But goddamn it, they were his responsibility.

And like he’d fucking summoned them . . . “Heyyyyyy, so Erin has an idea,” Sasha called, sticking her head out of the front door. “It involves science or some shit. Are you using the ice in the freezer for anything?”

“What?” He turned around, forgetting about Daniel for a second. “I’m using it for ice, what are you talking about?”

“So like, we can have it?”

“I -- yeah, sure. Go nuts.” She started to disappear back inside and he raised his voice. “Fill the trays back up when you’re done!”

(Christ, he’d become his mother.)

He turned back to Daniel, who was watching him with an expression he couldn’t read, but scared him slightly less than the bubbling anger from a few minutes ago. “So . . .” He rocked back on his heels, sucking at his teeth. He wasn’t really good at ending conversations at the best of times. “Sorry I’m not sparkly enough to deserve your crazy-cult.”

Daniel’s eyes narrowed, but he still didn’t quite look mad. His gaze flicked from Kevin to the trailer, where the girls had somehow coaxed enough bars out of the area’s horrible cell coverage to blast Sleepy Peak’s single Top 40 station and were singing along (badly) to it. “No,” he said finally, shaking his head. “You don’t deserve any of it.”

“They’ve ascended.”

Kevin glanced up; he wasn’t surprised, exactly, by the intrusion — “storming in and declaring something stupid” was a remarkably common way for Daniel to introduce himself — but he did wish it hadn’t happened while he was “gardening” with the Flower Scouts. “Go check on the cookies,” he muttered to them, and while Sasha just stared at him with dark-rimmed eyes, the other two were much easier to persuade, and dragged her away. “What’re you talking about?”

Part of him hoped Daniel’s announcement would end “They’ve ascended, and everything’s fine. Nothing was poisoned, and we all had a good laugh about what a paranoid freak that old Dirty Kevin is.” But the look on his face . . .

“Inside,” Daniel hissed, grabbing Kevin’s wrist and hauling him toward his trailer. “We can’t talk out here.”

“I literally just sent the girls ins — and we’re here.” Rolling his eyes, he tugged Daniel out of the way of Erin, who was balancing a too-large tray of steaming pink cookies. “Looks great. Why don’t you let these cool outside, huh? Take a break and relax in the shade or . . .” It occurred to him that there wasn’t a tree within half a mile of the trailer park. “. . . something.”

“Seriously?” Sasha rolled her eyes. “If you wanna get rid of us, just say.” She glanced up at him and then back to the floor, biting her lip. “Like we wanted to hang in this dump, anyway.”

“No, guys. It’s not like that.” He knelt down, trying to meet the five downcast eyes. “My buddy here’s just really stupid and might’ve done somethin’ that’ll get him arrested, and I don’t want you caught up in that. Be like Mexico all over again, right?”

Sasha looked marginally convinced, which he tended to use as his meter for all three of them, since she had the least amount of stupid going on. “Guess we’ll, like, call Miss Priss, then,” she said dismissively, turning sharply enough that her hair whipped Kevin in the face. “Come on, ladies.”

She paused at the door, turning to eye them over her shoulder. And hell, before he’d met those girls he’d never thought the glare of a prissy little girl could be intimidating, but . . . “Try not to get arrested.” Her eyes flicked up, then down, taking Daniel in before dismissing him with a toss of her head. “Your weird new boyfriend is totally not worth it.”

Kevin heard a quiet, outraged noise behind him, but then the trailer door slammed shut with a clank. Distracted from his irritation, Daniel burst forward, drawing the curtains and fiddling with the door’s cheap padlocks before whirling on him, a look in his eyes that Kevin couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t the fake “golly gee!” salesman spiel, and it wasn’t religious mania . . . but the few times he’d seen Daniel genuinely angry, it was a controlled, icy sort of rage, not this fire blazing behind his eyes.

For a second they just stared at each other. Then Kevin licked his lips — dry, chapped and dry; what else was new? — cleared his throat, and shoved his hands in the pocket of his sweatshirt. “So, uh . . . ascension, huh?”

God, it all felt painfully awkward: Killed any kids lately?

Not like he had a ton of room to talk, but at least the children under his ill-advised care were still alive.

“You were right,” Daniel said, the words coming out all in a rush like he was afraid he’d be interrupted. Or like he was afraid he’d lose his nerve if he slowed down. He was pacing rapidly the length of the trailer, his steps hard enough to slightly rattle the entire camper. “Y-you — all of it — you were right about all of it. It doesn’t make any . . .” He sighed, almost a groan really, and raked his hands through his hair. His fingers drew neat furrows, the fluffy poof of his bangs sproinging back up immediately. “It was all fake,” he murmured finally. “There is no ascension. They made it all up.”

Kevin was aware that his trailer-guest was in the middle of a major existential crisis, but he had customers, and those cookies sold best when fresh out of the oven . . . “Right. Great. Uh, congratulations on all the . . . not being crazy, I guess.”

“It’s gone,” he whispered. His pacing slowed, and for a moment he just stared down at his hands. (Kevin leaned in closer, but they looked like the same pale, well-manicured skeleton hands to him.) “It’s all gone.” Daniel’s head snapped up, his eyes focusing on Kevin with his typical laserlike intensity. But it didn’t feel predatory for once. No, this look was decidedly desperate.

Desperate and hollow, lost hopelessness nestled in the deep, dark lines of his face. And he looked even more like a corpse than usual, skin the color of moon-drenched sand and the cheap fluorescent lights catching in the finger-combed waves of his hair.

Dirty Kevin was no poet, but something flashed across his mind anyway —

( that man is an island and there’s madness lapping at the shore )

— that might’ve been a half-remembered snippet of something he’d read in high school, or something from a dream, or something his brain had conjured up when he was blitzed out of his mind. Whatever it was, it made his skin prickle and go cold.

“What’s all gone, Daniel?”

“The Circle —” He shook his head abruptly, furiously. “The — the cult,” he spat. “There was — a ceremony. An ascension party. I . . . mixed up the drinks. Just to be sure.”

(“Don’t you dare.”)

He didn’t know what to say, but Daniel didn’t seem to need a response. Resuming his pacing, he rubbed his chin with a rough motion, like wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “They . . . ascended. I ascended them.”

His mouth twisted into a cruel smirk, and Kevin had seen that mocking contempt before but never this bitter, and never directed inward.

“No — I killed them.”

(“I don’t want you there.”)

Kevin took an unsteady breath — the first, it felt like, in hours. His fingers were only shaking slightly as he reached for Daniel’s shoulder, and it was almost possible to convince himself it was a holdover from that one bad batch of cookies. “Hey, man, it’s okay —”

(of course it wasn’t okay. Even Kevin wasn’t morally degraded enough to think any of this was okay)

“I murdered them. All of them.” His hands clenched into fists, and while he didn’t jerk away from Kevin’s touch, the vicious look on his face was almost enough to make him pull back himself. “The leaders . . . if they’d all dropped dead except me — if the — initiates hadn’t ‘ascended’ too, they would’ve panicked. Would’ve — called the police.”

Daniel shook his head, his eyes boring into Kevin’s forehead but his gaze a million miles away. Or maybe just a few, just up the road and across an old railyard to a small white house.

A small white house full of bodies.

Calling the police wasn’t sounding like such a bad idea . . .

“There wasn’t enough.”

Kevin jumped; Daniel had been quiet for so long, them both zoning out for who knew how many minutes, that the sound of his voice was startling, a gunshot in the still close air.

He kept talking, not noticing or ignoring the twitch of the hand on his shoulder — still, for some very stupid reason, on his shoulder. “Whatever was in the drinks was enough to kill . . . half the people. Maybe a little more. Mixing all the drinks together with the Elders’ — it wasn’t enough. The poison. It . . . took longer. It took forever.”

Daniel blinked, something like clarity returning to his eyes for a second. He smiled, and it wasn’t the creepy neck-cracking smile that was familiar and, oddly, almost comforting by this point, but a smile that trembled along its edges, a smile shrouded in darkness and shaking from the effort not to collapse into a scream.

Once, Kevin had an ex-girlfriend who said she couldn’t stand to look at him. “Your smile is haunted,” she’d said, standing in the hallway of their apartment — back when he could still afford an apartment. Back when it was still smart to sell out of an apartment. “You have the ghosts of the people you’ve ruined in your eyes.”

He was pretty sure that was complete bullshit, but if any smile had ever been haunted it was this one.

“I had to keep them from screaming,” he said, his voice still soft and breathy and his smile still more than a little unhinged. He let his neck fall to the other side with a sickening crack. “What else could I do?”

Dirty Kevin wasn’t aware of opening his mouth, of taking a deep breath. Of yelling and yelling like his lungs were about to burst.

He wasn’t aware of much of anything except a pair of bright, bright eyes and a poisonous smile.

Then, of nothing at all.

The first thing that came back to Kevin was the smell of cookies.

Then, a furious beeping.

“For fuck’s sake, don’t just stand there! You’re the, like, adult!”

“I’ve never seen one of these in my life!”

That was when he smelled smoke and bolted upright. “Whasgoinon?”

Sasha glanced over, crossing her arms over her chest. “Finally. You’re awake.”

“The trailer’s on fire,” Tabii added helpfully, standing on her tiptoes to see Kevin’s bed from the kitchen; it was really all one big ugly room with a toilet the size of a shoebox, but there were two Flower Scouts and and lot of smoke blocking her view, not to mention . . .

“Dan?”

Daniel coughed, covering his mouth with his arm and stepping away from the oven. “First deal with the beeping.”

Erin tossed her hair, revealing for a split second her one orange eye. “Or, like, the fire.”

Kevin stumbled out of bed, steadying himself against the wall, and hurried over to the kitchen. The damage was minimal, just some very on-fire cookies, and he tried not to think about how much money was smoking up his trailer. “Open the windows,” he said, taking the flaming tray from Tabii, nearly dropping it because he wasn’t wearing oven mitts, and finally letting it crash into the overfilled sink and running the faucet. “None of you know how to turn the alarm off, do you?”

Erin and Tabii shook their heads, while Daniel scoffed and looked away and Sasha snapped, “What do you think?”

Neither did he. “Google it,” he ordered, searching his pants pockets for his phone before realizing someone had put him in pajamas. Another terrible thing to deal with later. Finding it on his bedside table, he considered Daniel for a moment before tossing it to Erin. After an embarrassingly long time of her valley-girl-style coaching, he managed to shut the fucking thing off and collapsed into his armchair, nearly landing on Barbra. As she rubbed her face on his legs and then jumped back up into his lap, he ran a hand over his face, exhausted but far from sleepy, and turned toward his very odd guests. “What are any of you doing here?”

“You’ve been asleep for two days,” Erin said, handing him his phone.

“We told Miss Priss we’re doing extended community service! We even went shopping and everything!” Tabii added.

“Oh, yeah.” Sasha tugged a very familiar piece of plastic from a bag around her wrist and flicked it toward him. “This thing is, like, way out of money.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. If he’d been awake he could’ve told them he hadn’t used a credit card in months. “I’ll pay you back.”

“Nuh-uh, Tabii found some cash in your mattress.” She wrinkled her nose and gave him the most witheringly judgemental stare he’d ever received from a twelve-year-old. “You know, with everything else you’ve got under there.”

“Hey, that shit’s private! And nobody asked you to go snooping in my stuff!” He heard a soft dismissive noise from the other side of the room and pointedly ignored it, keeping his attention on the girls. “You’re too young to know what those are, anyway.”

Tabii brightened. “I’m not! My sister told me --”

“Your sister’s wrong about everything, Tabii,” Erin interrupted.

“Yeah, and what’s with magazines, anyway? I mean, you know the internet exists, right? You’re not, like, that old.”

He opened his mouth to answer that, but his brain caught back up with him. “We’re not having this conversation. Give me back my money!” (So he was a little old-fashioned. There were worse things to be.)

Sasha returned his battered money clip -- which was considerably thinner than he remembered seeing it last -- and the girls sat down around his kitchen table; even if they hadn’t eyed Kevin’s ratty fur-covered couch like it was made of rancid cheese, Daniel had flopped onto it before they could’ve taken a seat anyway. (At least some things didn’t change.) “Anywayyyyy, he keeps trying to make us go --” she jerked her head in Daniel’s direction, hair whipping like a flag, “-- but he won’t leave the house so like, what was he gonna do when you ran out of food?”

“Besides, we thought he might try to kill you like he did all those weird church people!” Tabii said, seemingly completely oblivious to the warning looks the other girls were giving her, or how the air chilled a few degrees as she spoke.

There was a long, tense moment of silence. “Right,” Sasha finally said. “Anyway, we’re gonna, like, go. Since you’re awake now and stuff.” She crossed the room and plucked the money clip from his hand, taking a $20 bill. “For the Uber.”

“We also totally messed around with your phone just totally because we’re bored,” Erin added, leaning over the arm of the chair to prod at his screen. “So like, for totally no reason the police are on speed-dial now? Just like, y’know, because.”

“Have a good night!” Tabii continued to not quite grasp the trailer’s atmosphere, and something appallingly close to affection squeezed his chest. She leaned in close, cupping her hand around her mouth and his ear. “Be careful, Mr. Kevin. My sister says even if you’re gay you can like still get pregnant --”

“Thank you, sweetheart,” he cut her off too-loudly from trying not to laugh, putting his hand over her face and shoving her away. “Get back home before you get in trouble.” He watched them leave with exaggerated interest and immediately dropped his head in one hand, telling himself it wasn’t stupid for his face to feel warm because his trailer had very recently been on fire.

It was quiet for a few moments, and Kevin hoped for a second that Daniel would shut up long enough to let him think for a minute or two. He just . . . needed to wrap his mind around everything. The last thing he remembered was Daniel confessing to mass fucking homicide, then apparently he’d been alone with the Flower Scouts for a few days and why had he been hanging around here for a few days? He should be miles away, or in jail, or hell maybe dead in a ditch if this cult was as insane as it’d always seemed, so what in the flying fuck --

There was a quiet snort. “Sweetheart?”

Kevin sighed.

Goddamnit.

He rolled his eyes, lifting his head. “It’s been a weird week,” he began. “Could you just --”

For the first time, he really got a good look at Daniel.

The kid was a fucking mess.

Not by Kevin’s standards, to be sure. His hair was still impeccably styled -- using what kind of product, Kevin had no idea -- and his jeans were as gleamingly white and unwrinkled as ever. But he must’ve borrowed clothes, because the black 2003 Warped Tour T-shirt had definitely come from the back of Kevin’s closet, and so had the cream cardigan he’d shrugged on over it (a gift from his grandmother. Of course Daniel had been drawn to it), and everything was dusted with a thin layer of white cat fur.

Not that his wardrobe was the most startling thing about his appearance.

Daniel’s eyes narrowed. “What are you looking at?”

Kevin’s lips twitched, and he quickly covered his mouth with one hand, glancing over at Barbra before his eyes were inevitably drawn back to Daniel. “Nothing.”

He dragged the wrist of the cardigan across his cheek, like he could wipe away the too-dark stubble. “Stop staring. I hate it, okay? Stop looking at it.”

Kevin nodded slowly, still trying not to laugh. “No, man, it’s . . . really something.” Daniel huffed angrily and glared at the wall while Kevin tried to get ahold of himself, the silence settling into something surprisingly comfortable, like this was just another inexplicable visit. When he thought he could speak again, he took a deep breath and said, “So. The, uh. Hair.”

Daniel didn’t say anything, just eyed him suspiciously.

“Couldn’t talk the girls into buying you some bleach, huh?”

He ran a hand self-consciously through his hair, tugging at where the light brown roots suddenly blazed into platinum blonde. “They don’t like the color,” he muttered.

Kevin did laugh then, shaking his head and enjoying the way a blush flared across Daniel’s cheeks and ears. “Run a tight ship, don’t they?” he said, glancing around the trailer and noticing for the first time how nice it was. Not neater, exactly -- he was actually quite good at keeping things tidy; it was one of the only ways to make a shithole look less like a shithole -- but there were little homey touches here and there: a beer bottle rescued from the garbage and repurposed as a vase, little sprigs of wildflowers scattered throughout the place like tiny religious offerings. “Surprised they didn’t make you shave.”

If possible, Daniel wound even tighter. “You’re out of razors,” he said sullenly. “And in this ridiculous town, children can’t buy them.”

“Makes me wonder why you’re still in this ridiculous town.”

And like that, the familiar atmosphere snapped. Daniel sat up straighter, his entire body tensing like he might bolt. Kevin closed his fingers around the phone in his pocket, taking comfort in the reminder that he had the police on speed-dial.

Well, they were here. Might as well get this over with before he was murdered in his sleep. “Why are you here, anyway? You could be in fucking Cabo right now or something.”

Daniel fidgeted, his gaze on his knees. “There’s nowhere for me to go,” he admitted after a moment. “I can hardly return h -- to the Circle, even if I wanted to.” His face twisted in a bitter mixture of distaste and grief, and Kevin remembered with a start that this was kind of . . . really traumatizing. He’d never done the whole religion thing, but he knew what it was like to have a home suddenly stop being home.

Of course, he didn’t know what it was like to be wanted for mass murder. “But they know where you are, right? You’ve gotta be, like, Xemüg’s Most Wanted now.” Daniel stared at him blankly, and the exhausting task of getting him caught up on something like twenty-five years of pop culture settled over Kevin like a blanket. “Aren’t they gonna come find you? Maybe give you a nice cold glass of poison?”

“What was I supposed to do?” he demanded, putting his hands on his knees and leaning forward, like he was considering getting up.

Kevin shrugged, trying to remain as casual as possible. “Off the top of my head . . . drive the twenty or so miles to the nearest airport, get a one-way ticket to the border, escape into Mexico, dye your hair, and start a low-profile-but-reasonably-lucrative business doing literally anything besides killing kids.”

The look on Daniel’s face was like he’d accidentally swallowed a frog.

“None of that occurred to you, huh?”

He dropped his head in one hand with a groan. “Nothing makes sense anymore.”

“Yeah, not like space toxins and alien wars and all that other totally reasonable cult shit.”

“It had rules!” he snapped, and Kevin flinched. Surprise flickered across Daniel’s face, and for the briefest second something like guilt. Then he settled back against the couch, his expression once again hovering between annoyed and disdainful. “Not like you would get it. You’ve never cared about rules.”

Kevin considered correcting him -- he did have rules, thankyouverymuch, and he stuck by them. The Flower Scouts had never had so much as a crumb of their own supply, had they? -- but decided it wasn’t worth the argument. Not when he was still wrapping his head around the fact that he’d apparently been harboring a felon for the past two days, quite literally unconsciously. “So what’re you gonna do now?” he finally asked, breaking the silence. “That whole Cabo thing is probably out, since I assume your face is all over the news by now. Cops been by yet?” Someone had to have noticed him hanging around; this park was half filled with gossipy old ladies, and Daniel didn’t exactly blend in as much as blindingly draw attention.

Daniel shook his head, looking cowed. Like maybe he’d finally realized what a fucking bad situation he was in.

Good.

Kevin should just call the cops. If Daniel had run for it, if he tried to make a run for it now, he would’ve been happy to protest innocence and give the kid a fighting chance. But if he was too goddamn stupid to even run . . . Christ, he was like a bunny staring down headlights. No survival skills at all.

A bunny with a knife in its teeth.

Kevin ran a hand through his hair, puffing out his cheeks and exhaling loudly. Leaving his phone on the arm of the couch, he wandered over to the kitchen, shuffling through his cabinets to see what he had left in the way of cookie supplies.

(The shelves were filled with food he was pretty sure had never entered his house before: fancy fruits and spices and quinoa, whatever that was. He wasn’t sure whether to smile or wince, looking around at his now very-expensively-stocked kitchen. He was never letting those girls near his cash again, comatose or not.)

“You know anything about cooking?” He cut himself off with a dismissive snort. “Nah, no way I’m letting you anywhere near food. Last thing I need is the whole town dropping dead.” Ignoring the wide-eyed stare he could feel boring into his back, he crouched down in front of the sink, opening a drawer and tugging out a box. “You can’t leave here until we do something about your . . . whole . . . situation,” he continued, waving one hand in Daniel’s general direction. “But I’ve been meaning to start an indoor garden. Friend set me up with a mushroom kit, and --” he shook the box at Daniel for emphasis, “now it’s your project.”

“And what makes you think I want to help you with this . . . business?” Kevin jumped; he hadn’t noticed Daniel’s approach until he was practically hovering over him. Which just brought to mind all sorts of murdery mental images.

Still, he wasn’t going to let himself be bothered. Bunny with a knife, he reminded himself, putting his hands on his knees and pushing himself to his feet. “Nice sneer. Very Snape,” he said, then sighed at Daniel’s confused frown. “Fine, I’ll go to the library, catch you up on the last couple centuries. Anyway, you’ll do it because one,” he held up one finger in Daniel’s face, “you don’t want me to rat you out to the police and I am seriously sticking my neck out for you, so don’t be an ungrateful prick. And two, because you’re not gonna be able to leave this tin can for at least a couple months while shit settles down, and you will be bored as shit.” He shoved the kit into Daniel’s hands, stepping away to . . . well, to do nothing, but it was a good line to walk away on.

And if he also needed a little bit of space between himself and the reformed cultist killing machine, that was only common sense.

“Why are you doing this?” Kevin could count on one hand the number of times Daniel’s voice had approached anything near vulnerable, and something about the way he spoke, through gritted teeth like he was trying to bite back the question but the words clawed out of him anyway, was more pathetic than any frustration or uncertainty or even panic.

Because I’m a sucker for bunnies. “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, Dan,” he said instead. “I could use some help running my bountiful drug empire, and you could use a place to lie low.” He half turned back, unable to resist a slight smirk. “Simple as that.”

“Nothing about this is simple,” Daniel muttered. He was clutching the mushroom kit to his chest, and spoke down at it.

“Yeah,” Kevin agreed, returning to his chair and plopping down into it. He’d received a text from Sasha, the only one who had a phone and who’d taken the initiative to add herself to his contacts within five minutes of meeting him: ‘still alive?’ “Welcome to Earth, spaceman.”

Daniel’s head snapped up, his mouth opening to make an angry retort, but after a second he closed it, his expression softening almost imperceptibly. He turned and set the mushroom kit next to the sink and turned on the faucet, focusing his attention on the burned cookie tray.

Kevin watched him for a minute, trying to figure out if the slight upturn of his lips was a trick of the light. Finally giving up, he opened up Sasha’s message and tapped out a quick reply:

‘So far.’

[parsleysoda1984]

what's your writing process like?

Well, anon, I’d never actually considered the overall process before, so prepare for WAY more information than you were probably asking for!

Nine Easy Steps, Plus Occasionally Giving Up: Bea’s Guide to the Writing Process 

Step 1: An idea!Sometimes the idea is a general concept. Sometimes it’s a question - “hey, what’s the backstory on that ‘water under the bridge’ line?” Sometimes it’s a specific image or part of a scene that I see playing out in my head. Sometimes it’s just a line that I can hear perfectly in one of the characters’ voices, and the story springs up around that line. Solidly 75% of the time, the ideas occur to me while I’m mid-conversation, and suddenly I’ll be INUNDATED with a flood of enthusiasm. The other 25% come totally out of the blue, often while I’m driving.

Step 2: MullingI usually describe this as the mental equivalent of turning a rock over and over in your hands until it starts to feel smooth. The idea turns over and over in the back of my mind while I’m at work or running errands or falling asleep, and once it feels stable and familiar - which can take anywhere from a couple of hours to several months - it’s ready to start turning into something.

Step 3: The opening chunkAt some point during this process, I’ll share the idea with someone like @countolafnph or @misskusakabe or @rawrrawrraygor, and that conversation will spur me toward Actually Writing Things Down. The general result of this is anywhere from 300 to 1000 words of opening, and writing it feels exhilarating and fabulous. This is both a blessing in the moment and a problem later on.[Under the cut: Crap Hits the Fan. Also a cooking metaphor that I’m weirdly fond of.]

Step 4: A brief breakWith the exception of The Lesson, to which I added a minimum of 300 words literally every day for two weeks until it was finished, I tend to take a break from new pieces after the initial push - that first creative burst can’t go on forever, and trying to force it to is incredibly draining. Sometimes I’ll work on other things, and sometimes I’m too tired from working three jobs to work on anything. I try not to take more than a few days away from the new thing, though.

Step 5: QUESTIONING EVERYTHING!!!Remember how I said that the opening chunk feels amazing to write? And how that level of creative energy is inherently kind of self-limiting? Yeah. This is where things get tricky.I return to the opening that I wrote under the influence of initial inspiration, and it’s sitting there all shiny and perfect, only now I’m not under the influence anymore, and all of a sudden this thing I love also feels intimidating, because holy shit, I have to live up to that, or else there’s going to be a massive and obvious downward shift in the quality of this piece. This is demoralizing.I take a walk.

Step 6: Work.Slowly but surely, I’ll start to build out from underneath the shadow of that first “perfect” thing. I write during lulls at work, and I write in the evenings before bed, and I write in the mornings on weekends, but mostly? I write when I feel like it. Professional authors often make a point of writing every single day, whether they want to or not, but I’m not a professional. I’m an amateur, and I have the luxury of waiting for inspiration to strike. That first bold of inspiration won’t strike twice, but I’ve gotten good at recognizing when a smaller bolt is building, and capitalizing on it when it hits. That’s why I carry a pen and a notebook in my purse. 50 words here, 300 words there, maybe 1k over the course of a fruitful weekend, until I can feel an ending coming. 

[Optional Step 6b: AbandonmentIf inspiration stops striking entirely, I copy any sections of the piece that I like into my Kill Your Darlings folder and delete the rest. The KYD folder is a great resource, and I regularly poach phrases and ideas from my own deleted works.]

Step 7: EditingI edit before I write the ending. Always.Because I’m a copywriter and an editor by trade, I more or less copy-edit as I write. I cannot do the “just get everything down on the page and clean it up later” method of writing, either for nonfiction or for fiction, and I’ve stopped trying. Every sentence is exactly the sentence I want, and until it is the sentence I want, I won’t write the next one (although I’ll be planning it in my head, along with the next one, and the next one…). So when I say that this step is editing, when I mean is going back through and reading what I have with the harshest, most critical possible eye toward everything from variation of sentence structure to distracting dialogue tags to characterization, paying particular attention to places where I feel I’ve fallen back on my own preferred phrases or tropes. Editing clears my head and refamiliarizes me with the themes and tone of the overall work, which sets me up to be ready for…

Step 8: The final boltLike the beginning, the ending usually comes to me fully-formed. The burst of inspiration is smaller and quieter, and unlike the first chunk, which I rarely if ever change once it’s written, I spend a fair amount of time tinkering with the final paragraphs until they convey - both verbally and thematically - exactly what I want them to convey. I like cooking, and this part of the writing process feels like seasoning the final course for a dinner party: I’m trying to create a specific aftertaste, a lingering impression that encapsulates the entire meal. At some point, I’ll change the order of a phrase or replace one word with another and all of a sudden there’s this acute sense of calm and that’s when I know the piece is done.

Step 9: AftermathRecently, I instituted a new policy.Once I’ve published a piece and made the announcement, I ignore it for at least two days.I don’t re-read the Word document.I don’t count reblogs/responses on Tumblr.I don’t go on AO3 at all.There is no objectivity in the first forty-eight hours after I write something. If I do any of those things (especially that last one), there’s a better-than-even chance that I’ll scrap the whole project, or at least come close to it. It’s like when you’re learning a new language - when you’re practicing in class or with your friends, you feel confident and excited, but the instant you find yourself talking to a stranger, you hear yourself from their perspective. You suddenly realize that you have an accent and your vocabulary is tiny and you’ve probably just insulted their grandmother when all you wanted was a sandwich. By giving myself space from the new work, I also give myself time to get past the self-consciousness that comes with putting a sometimes-fairly-intimate chunk of myself out into the world; when I come back to it with fresh eyes, I never find it as terrible as I did two hours after posting it. In fact, sometimes I’m even a little bit proud of it.

So there you have it, anon! If you made it to the end of this, I salute you, and thanks again for giving me the opportunity to reflect.

[themurphyzone]

His World: Fairy Tale Act 3

Suggested by @arendalphaeagle! And we’re to our last chapter! Thanks for reading!

Part 1

Part 2

Lydia regretted her choice of fairy tale for the third act. She could’ve gone with something familiar like “Sleeping Beauty” or “Thumbelina” but no, she just had to choose a fairy tale that required every single person to appear on the stage at once. 

A surefire recipe for disaster. 

Amanda was dressed in a sparkly magenta dress, a pointed cone with a lightweight cloth at the tip perched on her head. A week ago, she had threatened to withdraw from the play if Lydia didn’t take out the puffed sleeves on her princess costume. Lydia had balked at that, saying she thought puffed sleeves were cute. However, Amanda eventually convinced her that they were terrible for movement and that the left sleeve didn’t hold as much air as the right. 

So no puffy sleeves. It was a shame too. She was secretly hoping they would make a comeback. 

“I like your dress,” Milo blushed, rubbing the back of his head. “It’s purple.” 

“Thanks,” Amanda developed an interest in the stairs leading to the tower where she would be staying for the majority of the act. “Um, I really like your-er, boots.” 

“Remind me to get you a book of compliments,” Lydia tugged on Amanda’s arm, pointing her up the stairs. “Save the lovey-dovey stuff for later.” 

Amanda sputtered. “L-lovey dovey! We were just complimenting each other!” She giggled as Milo kept his eyes locked with hers as she was dragged away. He tripped over his backpack, though the grin never left his face as he toppled backwards, giving a thumbs-up.

“Uh-huh,” Lydia said, unconvinced. “Remember, you can’t laugh until the end of the act!” 

“Fine,” Amanda nodded. “I will not laugh. I am thinking depressing thoughts.” 

“What kind of depressing thoughts?” Lydia asked. 

“Unorganized schedules, the end of the world, and how I have to put up with my mother’s Filipino soap operas,” Amanda said. 

Lydia winced in sympathy. “Yeah. Girl, how do you stand all that noise?”  

“I can’t,” Amanda muttered. She lifted her dress and carefully walked up the stairs to the top of the tower where she was to stay for the last act. “Think you can handle things without me?” 

“Give me more credit. Everything will be just fine,” Lydia smirked, signaling Mort. He nodded and raised the curtain. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, we present Act 3: Hans, Who Made the Princess Laugh!” Lydia announced proudly. She was just glad the evening was almost over. 

She had already regretted her choice in fairy tale. Now the regret was directed towards the narrator. 

“Once upon a time, ugh, can we not start with something so cliche?” Bradley groaned. 

“Excuse you, Mr. Sunshine, but I poured blood, sweat, and white chocolate mocha on this script,” Lydia growled. “Stick to it before you get the hook.” 

Bradley scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Sure. Whatever you say. There was once a king with a beautiful daughter, you know, the whole blonde hair and blue eyes deal heroes always have in fairy tales.” 

Chad unfurled a scroll, a crown slipping down his head. “Anyone who can make my somber daughter laugh shall receive half the kingdom and her hand in marriage!” 

Amanda stood motionless in the window, her gaze fixated on the far wall. Zack approached the base of the tower, flashing a grin. “I shall make you laugh, dear princess. A witch, an ogre, and a knight walk into a bar and-” 

Amanda grunted, a gloved hand resting on her cheek in boredom. “Not the first time I’ve heard that one. They’re all equally terrible. Leave.” 

“To nobody’s surprise, this pattern continued for weeks,” Bradley said. “If I was stuck in a tower with nothing but bad jokes from potential suitors, I would be pretty miserable too. The princess remained stoic no matter how many pranks, jokes, and tricks people tried to pull.” 

“I bet I could make her laugh!” Milo exclaimed. 

“Yeah, out of pity,” Bradley shot back. 

The smile didn’t leave Milo’s face. “A pity laugh is still a laugh!” 

Yawning, Bradley paced around the stage as he narrated, ignoring Lydia’s glare. “Hans’ father was reluctant to let him go, since he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. Furthermore, the princess had to suffer stupid puns at the hands of the elder brothers. Humor doesn’t exactly run in the family.”

“Please, Father,” Milo begged to Mort. “Allow me to visit the palace so that I may try to make the princess laugh.” 

“Hans, there is no use in trying. It’s a lost cause,” Mort said. 

Bradley coughed. “But because the youngest always wins in these kinds of stories, the father relented and allowed him to go.”

Milo bowed to Chad, unable to laughing at the unnecessary formality. “Is it possible to-heh, sorry-get a job here at the palace? I could fetch water and firewood for the kitchenmaid.”  

Thinking for a moment, Chad nodded. “The extra help would be much appreciated.” They shook on the agreement. 

“The next day, Hans was distracted by a fish while he was out collecting water,” Bradley sighed. “First day on the job and already shirking work.” The fish in question was a singing plastic bass that had been torn from the board. 

As Milo slipped the bass into a bucket, his fingers accidentally brushed a button and it burst into a screechy rendition of Gitchee Gitchee Goo. Lydia silently smacked her forehead with her palm. She knew she forgot to tear out the voice box. 

Melissa carried a model of a golden goose, humming as she passed by Milo. “Excuse me, ma’am,” Milo said cheerfully. “Would you like to trade your golden goose for this lovely fish?” 

“I’d love to,” Melissa smirked. “But this goose’s feathers are coated with a magical substance that makes a person stick fast to it. So be warned.” 

“I get stuck in situations all the time,” Milo shrugged, taking hold of the goose. “No worries!” 

“In that case, he’s all yours,” Melissa said, pulling away. But her hands remained stuck to the goose’s sides. “Lydia, what did you put on this thing?” 

“Superglue,” Lydia replied, realizing her mistake too late. 

“Why?” Bradley rounded on her. “You know Milo plus sticky substances equals catastrophe!” 

“Oops,” Lydia rubbed her head sheepishly. “Mind the audience, Bradley.” 

“Sure,” Bradley grumbled. “Hans continued on like nothing happened, and met another woman who wanted the golden goose for herself. Because walking into a town in the middle of the afternoon while carrying golden poultry surely wouldn’t attract unwanted attention.” 

Crystal waved. “Excuse me, good sir. For how much are you willing to sell the golden goose?” 

“It’s not for sale,” Milo explained. “I’m on a mission to make the princess laugh!” 

“If you’re wasting that valuable piece of waterfowl on a useless mission,you might as well give it to me so I can make some use out of it. A fine price this will fetch!” But when Crystal tried to forcibly snatch the goose, her hands became entangled in the glue as well. “That’s some strong glue.”

“Along came a man who was angry about the woman stealing his goat and-” 

“HOLD IT!” 

Bradley paused in his narration, whipping around to glare at Elliot, whose hair was ruffled from the waterfowl chasing him out of the auditorium. The crossing guard folded his arms. “Sir, if you aren’t part of the cast, I’m gonna have to ask you to vacate the stage immediately,” Lydia ordered. 

“I’m up here because this one of your cast members is clearly in violation of the Safety Czar Pact: Article II, Section 5,” Elliot pointed an accusing finger towards Milo. 

Melissa groaned. “Please tell me he did not just write an official document about his delusions over Milo.” 

“He did not just write an official document about his delusions over me,” Milo repeated. “Though I’m surprised he managed to find the time to do it between helping students cross the street, tracking Murphy’s Law on radar, and attending therapy sessions to get over his anatidaephobia. How are those going by the way, Elliot?” 

“Going well, I think,” Elliot responded. “We’ve moved on to systematic desensitization. I can go within thirty feet of a duck in a cage without freaking out now and-ugh, why am I even telling you this? The Safety Czar Pact: Article II, Section 5 clearly states that anyone with Murphy’s Law cannot carry around models of animals in theaters to prevent incidents in which a live animal mistakes the model for its offspring, mate, rival, or prey.” 

“But Diogee hasn’t mistaken the goose for anything,” Lydia protested, feeling a vein pop in her forehead. “My script doesn’t call for paranoid volunteer crossing guards to interrupt the act, so sit down before I decide to not refund you at all!” 

Elliot threw up his hands. “Fine, don’t say I didn’t warn you!” As his left hand dropped down, it became stuck to the goose’s head. The color drained out of his face. “Um, what did she use on this thing?” 

“Superglue,” Milo, Melissa, and Crystal chorused. 

Breathing heavily, Elliot turned to Milo. “You are waiting in the back to cross the street from now on, Murphy. If I get out of this alive.” 

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Melissa muttered. 

“After being so rudely interrupted by the village idiot,” Bradley continued despite Elliot’s indignant noise. “the ragtag group slowly made their way back to the palace, where the royal blacksmith also got stuck.”

Zack’s hand laid close to Crystal’s. She couldn’t hide her blush. “There better be a plan to get us unstuck from this mess,” Zack muttered. 

They stopped at the tower’s base. “Princess, I’ve come to make you laugh!” Milo shouted. 

Amanda’s giggles turned into full blown laughter. “I’ve found my future husband!” she called. 

Milo blushed. “So you wouldn’t mind marrying me even if I’m stuck with the rest of these guys?” 

Stifling her laughter for a moment, Amanda grinned. “Nope!” 

“Hans indeed received half the kingdom and the princess’ hand in marriage. And they got married and lived happily ever after. Good. We’re done here,” Bradley finished. 

“And that concludes Fairy Tale!” Lydia declared. “Come on out and take a bow everybody!” 

Everyone who wasn’t stuck to the model kept their distance as they bowed to the audience, who stood up and clapped enthusiastically. Lydia looked up, letting out a sigh of relief when she heard some people whistle and shout encouragement. 

“So Lydia, what’s your next play going to be?” Amanda asked. 

Lydia sighed in exhaustion. “It’s gonna be about an aspiring playwright and actress who take a break from this mess for a while.” 

“Sounds like a good plot!” Milo laughed. Diogee popped out of the back with Milo’s backpack in his mouth. He set it in front of his owner, rummaging around for something. A small spray bottle rolled out, and Zack picked it up with his free hand, coating the model in the liquid until everyone’s hands came loose. 

The model clattered to the floor and broke, Diogee leaping upon the neck and shaking his head furiously as he growled it. 

“I told you kids it was a violation,” Elliot said smugly. “I’ll have to-NOT AGAIN!” 

“I changed my mind. He is not getting that refund,” Lydia said, calmly watching the grand finale of Elliot running away from yet another duck. 

“Does anyone else feel like something’s missing?” Chad asked. 

The curtain crashed behind them, completely destroying the sets from the previous acts. 

“That’s more like it,” Milo said. “Guess we all broke our legs today! Talking in the theater sense of course. That would be bad if someone broke their leg literally.” 

Lydia was just glad the auditorium was still standing. 

And that’s the end of this story!

[barbosaasouza]

Hearthstone: The Boomsday Project Card Analysis Lab (Part 1)

Card reveals have begun for Hearthstone's next big expansion. The Boomsday Project will dive deep into science and technology, as part of the next set for the Year of the Raven.

This expansion features the new keyword Magnetic, new Omega Projects, and Legendary Spells. And as is the case with each new Hearthstone expansion, Shacknews is stepping into the lab to analyze each of the Boomsday Project's new cards. So here we go!

(7) Dr. Boom, Mad Genius Type: Hero Class: Warrior Rarity: Legendary Battlecry: For the rest of the game, your Mechs have Rush. Source: The Boomsday Project Card Reveal Livestream

(2) Big Red Button Type: Activate this turn's Mech Suit power!

Did you miss our analysis of Dr. Boom, Mad Genius? Shacknews dove head-first into this all-new Hero Card on Monday, so be sure to catch up with that before moving forward.

(3) Spider Bomb (2/2) Type: Minion - Mech Class: Hunter Rarity: Rare Magnetic. Deathrattle: Destroy a random enemy minion. Source: The Boomsday Project Announcement Trailer

Analysis: This seems to point to an interesting direction for Hunter, because it's never been a particularly Mech-heavy class. More than that, the class has often focused more on outright aggression than control. Spider Bomb is definitely more of a control tool. On its own, it has below average 2/2 stats and probably won't be overly useful.

So then what can this magnetize to in order to make it more effective? So far, there haven't been any eye-opening Hunter Mechs and even Wild Hunters don't have too many useful Mechs that they could latch this onto. Maybe one of the Shredders would work here. Either way, the jury's out on this guy and it's not looking good.

Don't expect to see this particular scenario often, but at least be aware that Deathstalker Rexxar can technically latch Spider Bomb onto any Zombeast that's part-Nightmare Amalgam, since the Amalgam is "everything."

(4) Omega Defender (2/6) Type: Minion Class: Neutral Rarity: Epic Taunt. Battlecry: If you have 10 Mana Crystals, gain +10 Attack. Source: The Boomsday Project Announcement Trailer

Analysis: The Omega Defender is the first of the Omega Projects and it's a big one. On its own, it's a decent 2/6 Taunt that can be played on Turn 4. That's not too bad. But in the late game, it becomes a 12/6 with Taunt. As shown in the video, that's enough to solidly counter any Deathwing play.

Don't expect to see Omega Defender much in constructed, because Silence effects and removal spells can wreck this guy quickly. But this could be devastating in Arena, especially as both players' hands start to run low and direct counterplays become fewer and father between.

(1) Biology Project Type: Spell Class: Druid Rarity: Common Each player gains 2 Mana Crystals. Source: The Boomsday Project Announcement Trailer

Analysis: The idea behind this spell isn't bad on paper. For the Druid player, it's allows them to ramp up faster than using Wild Growth and is a much cheaper Nourish. Notice this card's text doesn't say empty Mana Crystals, which means some of these spells can even be combined.

The Druid player will ultimately have to decide whether their deck is good enough to handle the drawback of giving their opponent two extra Mana Crystals. Is it worth helping them ramp up? This could easily backfire in a Druid mirror, against an Ever Warlock, or against a Shudderwock Shaman. But if the Druid has Ultimate Infestation ready to get rolling in Standard or a handful of Jades ready to go in Wild, the trade-off just might be worthwhile.

(3) Electra Stormsurge (3/3) Type: Minion - Elemental Class: Shaman Rarity: Legendary Battlecry: Your next spell this turn casts twice. Source: The Boomsday Project Announcement Trailer

Analysis: Electra Stormsurge can be a lifesaver, especially in a deck running Hagatha the Witch. Shudderwock Shamans should be able to find a good home for this minion. If the board starts to get out of hand or if the Shaman player is on the verge of death, run a double Volcano or a double Healing Rain to get right back in the game.

Wild Shamans will definitely want to run this in their Burst Shaman deck, so that they can finish with double Lava Burst or double Crackle. Pyroblast-level damage for just 5-6 Mana? That's disgusting!

(5) Myra's Unstable Element Type: Spell Class: Rogue Rarity: Legendary Draw the rest of your deck. Source: The Boomsday Project Announcement Trailer

Analysis: It's hard to imagine what to make of the first of these Legendary spells. Would a game get so out of hand that the Rogue player would willfully put themselves in fatigue? It's possible, but ultimately feels unnecessary.

After all, the Miracle Rogue archetype makes it so that card draw is plentiful. Gadgetzan Auctioneer is practically an unstable element all on his own. Rogues should have no trouble digging into their deck, so why spend 5 Mana on this? There may be a minion or spell coming later in this expansion that will help answer this, but until that comes, this is getting a thumbs down for now. Or at the very least, an "Incomplete" grade.

(3) Stargazer Luna (2/4) Type: Minion Class: Mage Rarity: Legendary After you play the right-most card in your hand, draw a card. Source: Hearthstone: The Boomsday Project - Enter Boom Labs (Episode 1)

Analysis: I had to wrap my head around this one, but the more I read about Stargazer Luna, the more I like this card. This opens the door to a parade of Mage spells, especially if they have one or two Sorcerer's Apprentices at the ready. There's a certain element where the luck of the draw needs to be just right, but I like this as a potential alternative to Aluneth.

Stargazer Luna also gets more interesting when random cards are generated, like something off a Discover spell. Is that new card worth playing just for the card draw or is there something that will fit the current situation better? There's a certain amount of thinking that the Stargazer Luna needs to incorporate to maximize her potential. I'm not sure how useful she'll be at the end of the day, but in terms of concept, she's already proving to be one of my favorite cards of this set.

(2) Menacing Nimbus (2/2) Type: Minion - Elemental Class: Shaman Rarity: Common Battlecry: Add a random Elemental to your hand. Source: The Boomsday Project: Lab Logs Part 1

Analysis: There's very little downside to adding Menacing Nimbus to an Elemental Shaman deck. But it's going to work even better in an Even Shaman deck that could always use more resources. The Menacing Nimbus' 2/2 stats make it a solid Turn 2 play and can play well alongside Flametongue Totem. It'll help keep the Even Shaman's numbers up for later in the game and should prove useful... most of the time.

The trouble is, there are a lot of Elementals, even in Standard. For every Mountain Giant or Frozen Crusher the Menacing Nimbus generates, it could just as easily pop out a dud like Ice Walker or Dust Devil. It'll be good for what it is, but don't play Menacing Nimbus solely for its effect, because the result may be disappointing.

(5) Wargear (5/5) Type: Minion - Mech Class: Neutral Rarity: Common Magnetic Source: Hearthstide Chat: Magnetic

Analysis: This is a standard mid-level 5/5 body. It's one that'll play nicely with Mechs, but it'll take more than a Magnetic keyword to get into constructed decks. I can't see this guy getting much player there.

As an Arena choice, he's solid. He'll stand out just fine on his own with his 5/5 stats, with the ability to bolster other Mechs a pleasant bonus. He's a good backup choice behind Corrosive Sludge, which has become an Arena favorite over time.

(2) Upgradeable Framebot (1/5) Type: Minion - Mech Class: Neutral Rarity: Common Source: Hearthstide Chat: Magnetic

Anaylsis: The Hearthside Chat indicated that the Upgradeable Framebot can be used to upgrade the Wargear and vice-versa to craft together a 6/10 machine. That sounds nice on the surface, but I can't see anyone in constructed taking up two precious deck slots to make this happen.

Upgradeable Framebot is going to be more of a common find in Discover effects, such as Dr. Boom's Big Red Button. A 1/5 body won't do much and it's definitely on the lower-end of Discover cards, but there's a good chance it'll pop up later in the game.

(7) Beryllium Nullifier (3/8) Type: Minion - Mech Class: Warrior Rarity: Epic Magnetic: Can't be targeted by spells or Hero Powers. Source: Hearthstide Chat: Magnetic

Analysis: Speaking of Dr. Boom, imagine finding this giant rust bucket off his Big Red Button? This Warrior-exclusive Mech is going to be a nightmare whenever it gets bolstered with Taunt. And that's where its Magnetic effect will most often be used, attached to pesky Taunt minions. Imagine this guy going on Unpowered Steambot to create a 17-Health Taunt that can't be removed with spells.

Beryllium Nullifier's strength in Standard will ultimately be determined by what else is ahead for Boomsday Project card reveals. Meanwhile, Wild players are already getting excited about the potential of pairing this guy with Shredders, which typically have high Attack value and a lower Health number. Or maybe both Standard and Wild players can pair it up with...

(5) Zilliax (3/2) Type: Minion - Mech Class: Neutral Rarity: Legendary Magnetic, Divine Shield, Taunt, Lifesteal, Rush Source: Hearthstide Chat: Magnetic

Analysis: What a sickeningly amazing Legendary! Even on its own, a 3/2 Divine Shield minion with Lifesteal and Rush is almost a guaranteed Health recovery, even if it is modest. Now imagine pairing it up with a larger Mech for higher damage and a higher Health recovery total. Also, its Divine Shield ensures that it sticks around for at least a few seconds.

If anyone is running any kind of Mech deck going forward, Zilliax is almost assuredly going into it. There's almost no downside in playing it, unless the opposide side is filled with enemy minions. And considering that Chillblade Champion carries the same 3/2 line with less abilities for just one Mana less, Zilliax feels like the perfect cost, even as a solo play.

(4) Annoy-o-Module (2/4) Type: Minion - Mech Class: Paladin Rarity: Rare Magnetic. Divine Shield. Taunt. Source: Hearthstone: The Boomsday Project - Enter Boom Labs (Episode 2)

Analysis: This is Annoy-o-Tron's big brother, with literally double the stats for double the cost. The difference, other than Annoy-o-Module being a Paladin minion, is that it's Magnetic.

On its own, it's a decent play, but not exactly one that Paladin players will flock to. Arena players, in particular, are going to stick to Lone Champion. But the Magnetic keyword has the potential to give this guy legs.

Standard players will patiently wait on better Mechs to come along, but the Wild player is going to love pairing Annoy-o-Module with Shielded Minibot. Simply pop its Divine Shield and then magnetize it with Annoy-o-Module to give it a fresh Divine Shield and Taunt. And again, there are those pesky Shredders, like Piloted Shredder that will love the extra 2/4 Divine Shield bump.

That's all for now! Keep an eye on Shacknews over the next few weeks for more card breakdowns for The Boomsday Project, leading all the way up to the expansion's release on August 7.

Hearthstone: The Boomsday Project Card Analysis Lab (Part 1) published first on https://superworldrom.tumblr.com/

[andrewmrudd79]

17 Copy-and-Paste Blog Post Templates—UPDATED with 8 New Templates!

Get your notepad ready because today on the blog you’ll be treated to 25 copy-and-paste blog templates you can use on your blog right now. Originally, when this blog post was first published in February of 2012 (a looooong time ago in blog years), Kim Roach from Buzzblogger.com was kind enough to share with us her 17 ideas for blog posts. In this new-and-updated version, I’ve added 8 of my own ideas that have worked for me over the years. So now you have 25 helpful blog post templates at your fingertips!

If you’re an online business owner or entrepreneur, you should probably have a blog. If you don’t, this post will give you a strong start to learn what kinds of things you can publish. If you don’t even have a website yet, check out my free course, Build Your Own Brand, to help you learn, step by step, how to pick a brand and start a website.

I’ve had the Smart Passive Income blog for over a decade now. Believe me when I tell you that sometimes it’s difficult to figure out what to write about. So, take these blog post templates with you, to inspire new blog post ideas for your own website for many months to come!

The 25 blog post templates covered in this post are:

Make a Predictions Post

Things You Might Not Know About Me

Why I Don’t Do ‘X’

(Famous Person Guide) To (Blank)

Case Study

Product Showdowns

‘X’ Things You Must Do After (Blank)

How To (Blank) In (X Number of Days / Hours)

Experimental Posts

Comprehensive Pillar Posts

(Insert Desired Benefit) That No One Talks About

Blog Post Roundup

Things I Wish I Had Done Differently

The Tools of the Trade

Ask / Involve the Reader!

Debunk Industry Myths

Comment on Industry Gossip

New Product, Course, or Book Launch

Celebrate An Anniversary

Special Announcement Post

Year In Review

Goals for the Year Ahead

Tips For Newbies

Insider Interviews

Q&A Blog Post

After reading about her amazing blog post ideas, keep reading for the BONUS 8 templates I’ve added to this new and updated material. If you write at all online, this is a post to bookmark for future reference – guaranteed.

Do you ever get writer’s block?

I mean do you ever sit down at your computer with that blank screen mocking you in the face?

As a blogger, I’ve done this on more than one occasion.

Sure, I use all kinds of tricks to get the ‘ol inspiration motor running. . .

I keep a list of running article ideas.

I browse all of my favorite blogs scouting for possible ideas.

Tweet my followers for ideas.

If I get really desperate I’ll whip up a nice bubble bath and some wine

But sometimes you just need a good hook.

Something fresh and unique!

So today I’m going to give you 25 Copy-And-Paste Blog Post Templates that you can use as your own.

Happy Blogging!

1. Make a Predictions Post

These are incredibly fun, especially toward the end of the year. Or the beginning of a new year

Take a look at what’s happening in your market. What’s hot? What are the current trends? And create a blog post around those with your predictions for the new year.

Not only are these types of posts a TON of fun but they also position you as a leader in your market.

So whip out the ‘ol Magic 8 Ball and publish your predictions!

2. Things You Might Not Know About Me

This is a blog post that I recommend EVERY blogger do.

One of the fastest ways to start truly engaging with your community is to give them a peek behind the curtain. Let them see who you are BEYOND just business.

The fact is that we are living through the humanization of business and people are extremely interested in the person BEHIND the business itself.

More than ever… we crave RELATIONSHIPS!

People don’t want cheesy marketing messages . . . they want YOU.

Your story… Your life… Your own unique personality infused into everything you do.

Your readers will be attracted to your weird quirks because they make you human.

When your flawed your real.

That’s one of the biggest pieces of advice I could give you this year.

Give people a peek behind the curtain.

24 Things I’ve Never Told You

33 Things I’ve Never Told You

It’s My Birthday and I’ll Blog When I Want To

26 Life Lessons I’ve Learned in 26 Years of Living

30 More Life Lessons From 30 Years

My Bucket List: The Top 10 Things I Want to Accomplish by the Time I’m 40

Business is about HUMAN connection. And the only way to truly connect is by being completely you.

Your emails, your videos, your articles, every piece of content should be branded with your own, unique personality.

3. Why I Don’t Do ‘X’

People LOVE controversy. That’s why the news channels thrive on ‘bad’ news. Kind of concerning but knowing this can help you instantly increase your email open rates, improve your headlines, and get your articles read.

One of my favorite ways to do this is to use the headline:

Why I Don’t Do ‘X’.

I recently used this in an email entitled “Why I Don’t Do SEO”.

As you can imagine, it got QUITE the attention because I was debunking a hot topic within our industry.

You can use this same strategy on your own blog:

Why I Don’t Do Diets

Why I Don’t Do Online Dating

Why I Don’t Do Article Marketing

Here’s Why I Don’t Have a Full-Time Virtual Assistant

This one is an instant winner when used properly. Plus, it’s just a lot of fun!

People are looking for something fun, unique, and different.

By providing them with something valuable AND entertaining, you’ll be the one that gets read.

4. (Famous Person Guide) to (Blank)

Another great place to get article ideas is to tap into the media. Take what’s hot right now in the news and tie it into your market.

Here are a few examples:

The Steve Job’s Guide to Time Management

The Justin Bieber Guide to Dating

Harry Houdini’s ‘Secret’ to Unusual Marketing

The M.C. Hammer Guide to Social Media

Tap into the hot topics that are ALREADY inside the mind of your prospect.

5. Case Study

No one can resist a good case study. It’s like a good story.

People love to get a behind-the-scenes look at EXACTLY how someone has achieved a certain goal.

Some examples include:

[CASE STUDY] 1 Article = 7,640 Visitors

How I paid off $15,000 in 9 months by selling my ‘Stuff’ on Ebay

How I Lost 21 Pounds in 30 Days

My Journey To The #1 Spot in Google

Why I Switched from Aweber to Infusionsoft to ConvertKit

If you want to quickly become the market leader in your industry, whip out a few case studies and let people follow along on your journey.

6. Product Showdowns

Here’s a twist on the traditional product review post. Instead of just reviewing a product, we’re going to do a product showdown comparing two similar products and sharing the pros and cons of each.

Some examples might include:

Optimize Press Vs. Kajabi

Rapid Action Profits VS. JVZoo

Tweet Adder Vs. Tweet Attacks

Odesk Vs. Fiverr

You’re providing extra value by comparing similar (and possibly) competing products. Helping your reader to decide which one is best for them.

You can take this a step further by sharing how you personally are using the product. Anything you can do to get beyond the boring, overdone, traditional product review. The old ways of affiliate marketing are dying. But add your own unique twist and you’ll quickly start to see the difference.

7. ‘X’ Things You Must Do After (Blank)

Here’s a super simple one that’s almost always an instant winner. It’s fun and easy to write. Entertaining for your reader and it plays on our natural curiosity.

7 Things You Must Do after Writing a Blog Post

7 Things You Must Do After Every Workout

3 Things You Must Do After Every Date

The Blog Post Checklist: After You Publish Your Post

8. How To (Blank) in (X Number of Days / Hours)

Here’s another extremely powerful template that’s similar to the case study post above . . .

How to Generate 427+ Visitors in 24 Hours

How to Get 1,200 Facebook Likes in 3 Days

How to Lose 12 Pounds in 7 Days

How to Get the Perfect Date in 7 Days

How to Start a Company in 30 Minutes

Use either one of these templates to knock-out a killer blog post when your strapped for ideas.

9. Experimental Posts

The only thing better than living an exciting life is to live vicariously through someone else’s exciting life. You can bring this entertainment factor to your blog by doing experimental posts.

This is basically where you set an interesting goal for yourself and post updates on your progress over a 30-day period.

Here are a few examples to get your brain rolling:

May’s Trial – Quasi-minimalism

August’s trial results: Gaining time by losing email addiction

My 30 Day Weight Loss Journey

My 30 Day Email Detox

My 30 Days of Online Dating (Wouldn’t that be interesting)

My Insanity Results

10. Comprehensive Pillar Posts

This one never gets old. If you’re looking to establish your presence online, one of the best things you can do to stand out is to start creating some epic blog posts.

A ‘pillar’ article is generally longer than the traditional blog post (1,000+ words). This sort of ‘flagship content’ is a comprehensive article dripping in value.

Building a raving audience of fans online all starts with mind-blowing pillar content.

Content that makes people think. Inspires. Creates value. Provides a new perspective. Pushes people out of their comfort zones. Challenges your readers. And creates nothing short of a braingasm!

Because of this, people can’t help but share it with others via Twitter, Facebook, StumbleUpon, etc… So when done properly, your pillar posts should bring in a new burst of readers as well.

Here are a few examples of ‘pillar’ posts:

How to Create a Facebook Landing Page

The Ultimate Guide to Facebook Marketing

21 Steps to 1,000 Visitors Per Day

500+ Places to Syndicate Your Content

How to Launch a Brand New Website (With a Bang!) – The Ultimate Guide

11. (Insert Desired Benefit) That No One Talks About

As humans, we naturally want to listen in on ‘insider information’.

Kind of like when you were little and you tried to listen in on your sister’s telephone conversations. We love listening in when we’re not supposed to

That’s why this template works so well:

Traffic Strategies That No One Talks About

Weight Loss Secrets That No One Talks About

Dating Advice That No One Talks About

12. Blog Post Roundup

Here’s an easy one that you can whip up quickly when you’re running short on time. List the top 10 blog posts from the year. Or the top blog posts from around the web that week. Or simply do a ‘Best Of’ post for your industry. This could be the best Twitter posts, forum posts, best blog posts, best news items, best product releases, etc.

Whip up any combination of your choice. You could even do this on a weekly basis. People love these types of posts because it keeps them in the loop on what’s going on in the industry without having to do all the searching themselves.

Kikolani.com does a really good job of this in their ‘Fetching Friday’ posts and check, out Pat’s Best of 2016 list.

13. Things I Wish I Had Done Differently

These types of posts are almost always a hit because people love to read about other people’s ‘mistakes’. Plus, they provide a ton of value for your readers and help them to avoid common pitfalls.

Give your readers a look behind-the-curtain. Be authentic and transparent and people will love you for it.

Some example headlines might include:

10 Lessons I Learned in 2011

7 Things I Wish I Knew When I Started

12 Things I Would Do If I Were Starting From Scratch

7 Lessons I Learned Testing & Launching My First Online Course

14. The Tools of the Trade

Give people a behind-the-scenes look at the tools you use in your business. People love these types of posts. If you want to take it one step further, shoot a video of your office. You’ll create instant engagement with your readers.

Here are a few example headlines you could use:

The Top 12 Marketing Tools I Use in My Business

7 Marketing Tools I Couldn’t Live Without

18 Must-Have WordPress Plugins

(LIVE Video) A Look Inside My Office

My Home Office Set Up and Tour!

15. Ask / Involve the Reader!

Engagement is quickly becoming one of THE most important marketing metrics in business.

All of your content should be a reflection of the wants, needs, desires, and frustrations of your reader.

There are LOTS of different ways to do this. You can create an “Ask the Reader” type post where you ask an engaging question and start interacting in the comments. Or you can challenge your readers to achieve a specific goal that month and report back with their results.

Here are a few examples:

Ask the Readers: What’s the Most Effective Thing Youíve Done to Build Traffic this Year?

You Asked, I Replied ViperChill Answers #1

First Annual Thanksgiving “Give Yourself a Plug” Day!

Announcing The Million Dollar Blog Project: Build a Profitable Blog Along With Us

Share Your Best Post Ever!

Challenge your readers:

Reader Gratitude Challenge: Write One Thank You Note Every Day for 7 Days

16. Debunk Industry Myths

Every industry has its fair share of myths, legends, and misconceptions.

People love nothing more than debunking common beliefs. Plus, by pointing what’s WRONG in your industry, you also position yourself as a leader.

Some examples here might include:

Top 7 Dieting Myths Debunked

Why I Hate the Atkins Diet

7 Lies You’ve Been Told About Dating

Why Pickup Lines Don’t Work (and what to do instead…)

Talk about what’s WRONG in your industry. Nothing gets more attention than controversy. But you must do it right. Debunk with style

17. Comment On Industry Gossip

Every industry has its own circle of gossip. Writing about these hot topics is one of the best ways to increase readership and tap into the conversation that’s ALREADY taking place in the mind of your prospect.

You can get your fill of juicy gossip browsing the major news sites, in related forums, related blogs, and in your inbox.

This sort of timely ‘news’ (i.e. gossip) makes for great content.

New fad diets

Famous people on such-and-such diet.

The Truth About Product X

Where is Mobile Marketing REALLY Headed?

Part of positioning yourself as an authority is staying ahead of the trends within your industry. If you can be the first to report on relevant trends that are impacting your industry, then people will literally ‘tune’ into your station to make sure they stay updated.

Take a stand on the issue and help guide your reader to make an informed decision.

Thanks, Kim, For Those Amazing Ideas! Now for 8 Bonus Templates:

18. New Product, Book, or Course Launch

Whether you are launching a new online course, a product, a book, or anything new your audience will appreciate, a launch announcement works great as a blog post. Use this launch announcement as a way to build excitement for your launch, before your launch date, by giving your readers a taste of what your new course or book or product is all about.

On the day of the launch, you should also follow up your pre-launch blog post with a day-of-launch blog post.

A few good examples of this include:

Build Your Own Brand 5-Day Challenge Begins Next Week!

1·2·3 Affiliate Marketing Course Launches Today!

Announcing Power-Up Podcasting

Make a splash on your launch day by making sure your audience knows what’s coming!

19. Celebrate An Anniversary

There will be many ups and downs in your online business journey. But one thing that will be consistent every year are your anniversaries: anniversary of starting your online business, anniversary of launching your book, anniversary of making your first sale. You get the idea.

Not only is celebrating an anniversary a fun way to remind yourself of where you came from and why you’re doing what you’re doing, but your audience will appreciate the insight and vulnerability that can come with anniversary blog posts.

A couple examples of this include:

Today Is The Day! Come Celebrate Let Go Day With Me!

My Bucket List: The Top 10 Things I Want To Accomplish by the Time I’m 40

Write down your anniversary dates. Make them part of your business journey as self-motivation and as inspiration for your audience!

20. Special Announcement Post

The special announcement blog post will naturally be a little less common or frequent, but on occasion it’s a good way to remind your audience of special events, or of anything that’s typically outside the regular blog content cadence.

An example of this is: The Stage Is Getting Bigger! My Biggest Keynote Is Happening Next Month.

21. Year In Review

Every year brings an opportunity to reflect, and consider the goals we want to accomplish for the new year ahead. In the “year in review” blog post, this is your chance to explore all of that. Aside from the therapeutic value of thinking introspectively about the past year in your business and life, the year in review post is a way to hold yourself accountable—publicly with your audience.

Maybe your blog post will inspire your audience to take action on their own goals!

Some examples include:

The Year Of Online Courses (The Results. The Good. The Not So Good.)

Website Redesign: One Year Later (Critical Lessons Learned)

22. Looking Forward / Goal Setting

This is your chance to show your audience where you’re headed. What are your goals for the new year? What do you want to accomplish? What do you want to create? What do you want to improve about your business?

Use this opportunity to highlight what’s coming next, and get your audience excited about it!

A few examples include:

If You Could Accomplish One Thing in 2017, What Would It Be?

Looking Ahead and Goals for 2017

23. Tips for Newbies

We all start somewhere. We were all newbies once in our various niches. You may even be new to blogging or online business now, so you’ll learn this soon enough: We can all learn from those that came before us.

Share what you’ve learned by giving others an opportunity to build the foundational skills we all must learn.

A few “tips for newbies” blog post examples include:

31 Tips from 31 Course Creators on How to Build and Launch a Successful Online Course

Top 10 Podcast Recording Tips to Sound Like a Podcasting Pro

Top 10 Tips for Brand New Podcasters

24. Insider Interviews

Here’s where you can highlight your team that works hard but who may be behind the scenes, unseen by your audience. You can do audio interviews and or written interviews. If you have someone helping you with social media, your editorial calendar, your podcast production, etc., give them a little moment in the spotlight. It gives them an opportunity to share their expertise, and they’ll appreciate the attention.

You could even invite your audience to share their experience with your blog to highlight their successes based on what your website has taught them.

A couple examples of the insider interviews include:

How To Keep Up With You Editorial Calendar (And How to Get Ahead)

Is SPI Better Than Business School? 9 Lessons One Reader Used to Grow His Business

25: Q&A Blog Post

Question & Answer posts are easy to create. Basically, they consist of a list of questions that you, or a guest, will answer. Find someone you admire and who you feel has knowledge that will benefit your audience. Send them a list of questions, and they can send you the answers. Voila, you have a blog post. Or, put together a list of questions that your audience frequently asks you and provide them with the answers.

A few examples of Q&A blog posts include:

8 Quickfire Questions and Answers with Pat

Three Questions Every Blogger Who Wants To Make Money Online Should Ask Themselves

Use the 25 blog post ideas above to stand out from the crowd, get your blog noticed, and become an industry maven.

Kim Roach is the official Marketing Lab Rat at Buzzblogger.com.

17 Copy-and-Paste Blog Post Templates—UPDATED with 8 New Templates! originally posted at Homer’s Blog

[davidmhomerjr]

17 Copy-and-Paste Blog Post Templates—UPDATED with 8 New Templates!

Get your notepad ready because today on the blog you’ll be treated to 25 copy-and-paste blog templates you can use on your blog right now. Originally, when this blog post was first published in February of 2012 (a looooong time ago in blog years), Kim Roach from Buzzblogger.com was kind enough to share with us her 17 ideas for blog posts. In this new-and-updated version, I’ve added 8 of my own ideas that have worked for me over the years. So now you have 25 helpful blog post templates at your fingertips!

If you’re an online business owner or entrepreneur, you should probably have a blog. If you don’t, this post will give you a strong start to learn what kinds of things you can publish. If you don’t even have a website yet, check out my free course, Build Your Own Brand, to help you learn, step by step, how to pick a brand and start a website.

I’ve had the Smart Passive Income blog for over a decade now. Believe me when I tell you that sometimes it’s difficult to figure out what to write about. So, take these blog post templates with you, to inspire new blog post ideas for your own website for many months to come!

The 25 blog post templates covered in this post are:

Make a Predictions Post

Things You Might Not Know About Me

Why I Don’t Do ‘X’

(Famous Person Guide) To (Blank)

Case Study

Product Showdowns

‘X’ Things You Must Do After (Blank)

How To (Blank) In (X Number of Days / Hours)

Experimental Posts

Comprehensive Pillar Posts

(Insert Desired Benefit) That No One Talks About

Blog Post Roundup

Things I Wish I Had Done Differently

The Tools of the Trade

Ask / Involve the Reader!

Debunk Industry Myths

Comment on Industry Gossip

New Product, Course, or Book Launch

Celebrate An Anniversary

Special Announcement Post

Year In Review

Goals for the Year Ahead

Tips For Newbies

Insider Interviews

Q&A Blog Post

After reading about her amazing blog post ideas, keep reading for the BONUS 8 templates I’ve added to this new and updated material. If you write at all online, this is a post to bookmark for future reference – guaranteed.

Do you ever get writer’s block?

I mean do you ever sit down at your computer with that blank screen mocking you in the face?

As a blogger, I’ve done this on more than one occasion.

Sure, I use all kinds of tricks to get the ‘ol inspiration motor running. . .

I keep a list of running article ideas.

I browse all of my favorite blogs scouting for possible ideas.

Tweet my followers for ideas.

If I get really desperate I’ll whip up a nice bubble bath and some wine 🙂

But sometimes you just need a good hook.

Something fresh and unique!

So today I’m going to give you 25 Copy-And-Paste Blog Post Templates that you can use as your own.

Happy Blogging!

1. Make a Predictions Post

These are incredibly fun, especially toward the end of the year. Or the beginning of a new year 🙂

Take a look at what’s happening in your market. What’s hot? What are the current trends? And create a blog post around those with your predictions for the new year.

Not only are these types of posts a TON of fun but they also position you as a leader in your market.

So whip out the ‘ol Magic 8 Ball and publish your predictions!

2. Things You Might Not Know About Me

This is a blog post that I recommend EVERY blogger do.

One of the fastest ways to start truly engaging with your community is to give them a peek behind the curtain. Let them see who you are BEYOND just business.

The fact is that we are living through the humanization of business and people are extremely interested in the person BEHIND the business itself.

More than ever… we crave RELATIONSHIPS!

People don’t want cheesy marketing messages . . . they want YOU.

Your story… Your life… Your own unique personality infused into everything you do.

Your readers will be attracted to your weird quirks because they make you human.

When your flawed your real.

That’s one of the biggest pieces of advice I could give you this year.

Give people a peek behind the curtain.

24 Things I’ve Never Told You

33 Things I’ve Never Told You

It’s My Birthday and I’ll Blog When I Want To

26 Life Lessons I’ve Learned in 26 Years of Living

30 More Life Lessons From 30 Years

My Bucket List: The Top 10 Things I Want to Accomplish by the Time I’m 40

Business is about HUMAN connection. And the only way to truly connect is by being completely you.

Your emails, your videos, your articles, every piece of content should be branded with your own, unique personality.

3. Why I Don’t Do ‘X’

People LOVE controversy. That’s why the news channels thrive on ‘bad’ news. Kind of concerning but knowing this can help you instantly increase your email open rates, improve your headlines, and get your articles read.

One of my favorite ways to do this is to use the headline:

Why I Don’t Do ‘X’.

I recently used this in an email entitled “Why I Don’t Do SEO”.

As you can imagine, it got QUITE the attention because I was debunking a hot topic within our industry.

You can use this same strategy on your own blog:

Why I Don’t Do Diets

Why I Don’t Do Online Dating

Why I Don’t Do Article Marketing

Here’s Why I Don’t Have a Full-Time Virtual Assistant

This one is an instant winner when used properly. Plus, it’s just a lot of fun!

People are looking for something fun, unique, and different.

By providing them with something valuable AND entertaining, you’ll be the one that gets read.

4. (Famous Person Guide) to (Blank)

Another great place to get article ideas is to tap into the media. Take what’s hot right now in the news and tie it into your market.

Here are a few examples:

The Steve Job’s Guide to Time Management

The Justin Bieber Guide to Dating

Harry Houdini’s ‘Secret’ to Unusual Marketing

The M.C. Hammer Guide to Social Media

Tap into the hot topics that are ALREADY inside the mind of your prospect.

5. Case Study

No one can resist a good case study. It’s like a good story.

People love to get a behind-the-scenes look at EXACTLY how someone has achieved a certain goal.

Some examples include:

[CASE STUDY] 1 Article = 7,640 Visitors

How I paid off $15,000 in 9 months by selling my ‘Stuff’ on Ebay

How I Lost 21 Pounds in 30 Days

My Journey To The #1 Spot in Google

Why I Switched from Aweber to Infusionsoft to ConvertKit

If you want to quickly become the market leader in your industry, whip out a few case studies and let people follow along on your journey.

6. Product Showdowns

Here’s a twist on the traditional product review post. Instead of just reviewing a product, we’re going to do a product showdown comparing two similar products and sharing the pros and cons of each.

Some examples might include:

Optimize Press Vs. Kajabi

Rapid Action Profits VS. JVZoo

Tweet Adder Vs. Tweet Attacks

Odesk Vs. Fiverr

You’re providing extra value by comparing similar (and possibly) competing products. Helping your reader to decide which one is best for them.

You can take this a step further by sharing how you personally are using the product. Anything you can do to get beyond the boring, overdone, traditional product review. The old ways of affiliate marketing are dying. But add your own unique twist and you’ll quickly start to see the difference.

7. ‘X’ Things You Must Do After (Blank)

Here’s a super simple one that’s almost always an instant winner. It’s fun and easy to write. Entertaining for your reader and it plays on our natural curiosity.

7 Things You Must Do after Writing a Blog Post

7 Things You Must Do After Every Workout

3 Things You Must Do After Every Date

The Blog Post Checklist: After You Publish Your Post

8. How To (Blank) in (X Number of Days / Hours)

Here’s another extremely powerful template that’s similar to the case study post above . . .

How to Generate 427+ Visitors in 24 Hours

How to Get 1,200 Facebook Likes in 3 Days

How to Lose 12 Pounds in 7 Days

How to Get the Perfect Date in 7 Days

How to Start a Company in 30 Minutes

Use either one of these templates to knock-out a killer blog post when your strapped for ideas.

9. Experimental Posts

The only thing better than living an exciting life is to live vicariously through someone else’s exciting life. You can bring this entertainment factor to your blog by doing experimental posts.

This is basically where you set an interesting goal for yourself and post updates on your progress over a 30-day period.

Here are a few examples to get your brain rolling:

May’s Trial – Quasi-minimalism

August’s trial results: Gaining time by losing email addiction

My 30 Day Weight Loss Journey

My 30 Day Email Detox

My 30 Days of Online Dating (Wouldn’t that be interesting) 🙂

My Insanity Results

10. Comprehensive Pillar Posts

This one never gets old. If you’re looking to establish your presence online, one of the best things you can do to stand out is to start creating some epic blog posts.

A ‘pillar’ article is generally longer than the traditional blog post (1,000+ words). This sort of ‘flagship content’ is a comprehensive article dripping in value.

Building a raving audience of fans online all starts with mind-blowing pillar content.

Content that makes people think. Inspires. Creates value. Provides a new perspective. Pushes people out of their comfort zones. Challenges your readers. And creates nothing short of a braingasm!

Because of this, people can’t help but share it with others via Twitter, Facebook, StumbleUpon, etc… So when done properly, your pillar posts should bring in a new burst of readers as well.

Here are a few examples of ‘pillar’ posts:

How to Create a Facebook Landing Page

The Ultimate Guide to Facebook Marketing

21 Steps to 1,000 Visitors Per Day

500+ Places to Syndicate Your Content

How to Launch a Brand New Website (With a Bang!) – The Ultimate Guide

11. (Insert Desired Benefit) That No One Talks About

As humans, we naturally want to listen in on ‘insider information’.

Kind of like when you were little and you tried to listen in on your sister’s telephone conversations. We love listening in when we’re not supposed to 🙂 That’s why this template works so well:

Traffic Strategies That No One Talks About

Weight Loss Secrets That No One Talks About

Dating Advice That No One Talks About

12. Blog Post Roundup

Here’s an easy one that you can whip up quickly when you’re running short on time. List the top 10 blog posts from the year. Or the top blog posts from around the web that week. Or simply do a ‘Best Of’ post for your industry. This could be the best Twitter posts, forum posts, best blog posts, best news items, best product releases, etc.

Whip up any combination of your choice. You could even do this on a weekly basis. People love these types of posts because it keeps them in the loop on what’s going on in the industry without having to do all the searching themselves.

Kikolani.com does a really good job of this in their ‘Fetching Friday’ posts and check, out Pat’s Best of 2016 list.

13. Things I Wish I Had Done Differently

These types of posts are almost always a hit because people love to read about other people’s ‘mistakes’. Plus, they provide a ton of value for your readers and help them to avoid common pitfalls.

Give your readers a look behind-the-curtain. Be authentic and transparent and people will love you for it.

Some example headlines might include:

10 Lessons I Learned in 2011

7 Things I Wish I Knew When I Started

12 Things I Would Do If I Were Starting From Scratch

7 Lessons I Learned Testing & Launching My First Online Course

14. The Tools of the Trade

Give people a behind-the-scenes look at the tools you use in your business. People love these types of posts. If you want to take it one step further, shoot a video of your office. You’ll create instant engagement with your readers.

Here are a few example headlines you could use:

The Top 12 Marketing Tools I Use in My Business

7 Marketing Tools I Couldn’t Live Without

18 Must-Have WordPress Plugins

(LIVE Video) A Look Inside My Office

My Home Office Set Up and Tour!

15. Ask / Involve the Reader!

Engagement is quickly becoming one of THE most important marketing metrics in business.

All of your content should be a reflection of the wants, needs, desires, and frustrations of your reader.

There are LOTS of different ways to do this. You can create an “Ask the Reader” type post where you ask an engaging question and start interacting in the comments. Or you can challenge your readers to achieve a specific goal that month and report back with their results.

Here are a few examples:

Ask the Readers: What’s the Most Effective Thing Youíve Done to Build Traffic this Year?

You Asked, I Replied ViperChill Answers #1

First Annual Thanksgiving “Give Yourself a Plug” Day!

Announcing The Million Dollar Blog Project: Build a Profitable Blog Along With Us

Share Your Best Post Ever!

Challenge your readers:

Reader Gratitude Challenge: Write One Thank You Note Every Day for 7 Days

16. Debunk Industry Myths

Every industry has its fair share of myths, legends, and misconceptions.

People love nothing more than debunking common beliefs. Plus, by pointing what’s WRONG in your industry, you also position yourself as a leader.

Some examples here might include:

Top 7 Dieting Myths Debunked

Why I Hate the Atkins Diet

7 Lies You’ve Been Told About Dating

Why Pickup Lines Don’t Work (and what to do instead…)

Talk about what’s WRONG in your industry. Nothing gets more attention than controversy. But you must do it right. Debunk with style 🙂

17. Comment On Industry Gossip

Every industry has its own circle of gossip. Writing about these hot topics is one of the best ways to increase readership and tap into the conversation that’s ALREADY taking place in the mind of your prospect.

You can get your fill of juicy gossip browsing the major news sites, in related forums, related blogs, and in your inbox.

This sort of timely ‘news’ (i.e. gossip) makes for great content.

New fad diets

Famous people on such-and-such diet.

The Truth About Product X

Where is Mobile Marketing REALLY Headed?

Part of positioning yourself as an authority is staying ahead of the trends within your industry. If you can be the first to report on relevant trends that are impacting your industry, then people will literally ‘tune’ into your station to make sure they stay updated.

Take a stand on the issue and help guide your reader to make an informed decision.

Thanks, Kim, For Those Amazing Ideas! Now for 8 Bonus Templates:

18. New Product, Book, or Course Launch

Whether you are launching a new online course, a product, a book, or anything new your audience will appreciate, a launch announcement works great as a blog post. Use this launch announcement as a way to build excitement for your launch, before your launch date, by giving your readers a taste of what your new course or book or product is all about.

On the day of the launch, you should also follow up your pre-launch blog post with a day-of-launch blog post.

A few good examples of this include:

Build Your Own Brand 5-Day Challenge Begins Next Week!

1·2·3 Affiliate Marketing Course Launches Today!

Announcing Power-Up Podcasting

Make a splash on your launch day by making sure your audience knows what’s coming!

19. Celebrate An Anniversary

There will be many ups and downs in your online business journey. But one thing that will be consistent every year are your anniversaries: anniversary of starting your online business, anniversary of launching your book, anniversary of making your first sale. You get the idea.

Not only is celebrating an anniversary a fun way to remind yourself of where you came from and why you’re doing what you’re doing, but your audience will appreciate the insight and vulnerability that can come with anniversary blog posts.

A couple examples of this include:

Today Is The Day! Come Celebrate Let Go Day With Me!

My Bucket List: The Top 10 Things I Want To Accomplish by the Time I’m 40

Write down your anniversary dates. Make them part of your business journey as self-motivation and as inspiration for your audience!

20. Special Announcement Post

The special announcement blog post will naturally be a little less common or frequent, but on occasion it’s a good way to remind your audience of special events, or of anything that’s typically outside the regular blog content cadence.

An example of this is: The Stage Is Getting Bigger! My Biggest Keynote Is Happening Next Month.

21. Year In Review

Every year brings an opportunity to reflect, and consider the goals we want to accomplish for the new year ahead. In the “year in review” blog post, this is your chance to explore all of that. Aside from the therapeutic value of thinking introspectively about the past year in your business and life, the year in review post is a way to hold yourself accountable—publicly with your audience.

Maybe your blog post will inspire your audience to take action on their own goals!

Some examples include:

The Year Of Online Courses (The Results. The Good. The Not So Good.)

Website Redesign: One Year Later (Critical Lessons Learned)

22. Looking Forward / Goal Setting

This is your chance to show your audience where you’re headed. What are your goals for the new year? What do you want to accomplish? What do you want to create? What do you want to improve about your business?

Use this opportunity to highlight what’s coming next, and get your audience excited about it!

A few examples include:

If You Could Accomplish One Thing in 2017, What Would It Be?

Looking Ahead and Goals for 2017

23. Tips for Newbies

We all start somewhere. We were all newbies once in our various niches. You may even be new to blogging or online business now, so you’ll learn this soon enough: We can all learn from those that came before us.

Share what you’ve learned by giving others an opportunity to build the foundational skills we all must learn.

A few “tips for newbies” blog post examples include:

31 Tips from 31 Course Creators on How to Build and Launch a Successful Online Course

Top 10 Podcast Recording Tips to Sound Like a Podcasting Pro

Top 10 Tips for Brand New Podcasters

24. Insider Interviews

Here’s where you can highlight your team that works hard but who may be behind the scenes, unseen by your audience. You can do audio interviews and or written interviews. If you have someone helping you with social media, your editorial calendar, your podcast production, etc., give them a little moment in the spotlight. It gives them an opportunity to share their expertise, and they’ll appreciate the attention.

You could even invite your audience to share their experience with your blog to highlight their successes based on what your website has taught them.

A couple examples of the insider interviews include:

How To Keep Up With You Editorial Calendar (And How to Get Ahead)

Is SPI Better Than Business School? 9 Lessons One Reader Used to Grow His Business

25: Q&A Blog Post

Question & Answer posts are easy to create. Basically, they consist of a list of questions that you, or a guest, will answer. Find someone you admire and who you feel has knowledge that will benefit your audience. Send them a list of questions, and they can send you the answers. Voila, you have a blog post. Or, put together a list of questions that your audience frequently asks you and provide them with the answers.

A few examples of Q&A blog posts include:

8 Quickfire Questions and Answers with Pat

Three Questions Every Blogger Who Wants To Make Money Online Should Ask Themselves

Use the 25 blog post ideas above to stand out from the crowd, get your blog noticed, and become an industry maven.

Kim Roach is the official Marketing Lab Rat at Buzzblogger.com.

[politicalfilth-blog]

Luckbox Mark Cuban Hates Bitcoin And Gold, The Two Best-Performing Assets

I was around for the 1990s tech bubble and the most shocking deal I remember from that time period was when Mark Cuban sold what was basically just a domain name, Broadcast.com, along with some recording equipment he had at home, for $5.7 billion to Yahoo in April of 1999!

At the time, I was moving my company, Stockhouse.com, which was the top financial website in many countries across the world then, towards a Nasdaq listing and we had just rented out the office across the street from the New York Stock Exchange for some extravagant sum, like $1 million/month.

We were preparing to raise $300 million, though, and become essentially an online version of CNBC in what was called “broadband” then. We even hired away one of CNBC’s top producers, who turned out to be the worst employee I’ve ever had and after three months, we ended up paying him out some obscene sum just so he’d leave.

Well, a year went by and the tech bubble burst so I ended up selling the company for peanuts. I looked back on Cuban’s deal and thought two things. Wow, his timing for the sale was perfect, getting out before the tech bubble popped.

And, secondly, he must have been the luckiest guy in the world or, more likely, had participated in some sort of collusion with some directors in Yahoo to manage to sell what was basically nothing for over $5 billion!

It was literally worse than most ICOs these days… it was simply a web address and some cheap recording equipment lying around Mark’s house! And, Yahoo never even did anything with it… at all. In fact, if you go to Broadcast.com today, it just forwards to Yahoo.com.

This was easily the most expensive domain name sale ever!

Since then, the bumbling Frankenstein look-alike has gone on to buy a basketball team with his fortune and be featured in a few reality shows where he seems to seek constant attention.

So, when he came out this week and made a fool of himself, I had to laugh.

“I hate gold. Gold is a religion,” said crony-capitalist Mark Cuban in a recent interview, adding that he views cryptocurrencies as simply “collectibles.”

Mark clearly knows nothing about money or investments if he thinks gold is just a “religion” and cryptocurrencies are just “collectibles.”

In fact, if he had invested his profits from the ludicrous sale of his domain name into gold and then bitcoin he’d be the wealthiest person on Earth. Let’s do the math.

He owned approximately ⅓ of Broadcast.com when it sold for $5.7 billion, netting him $1.8 billion in 1999. According to Forbes, as of January 2018, he is now worth $3.8 billion, meaning he has averaged a 4% annual increase.

If, in 1999, he had put his $1.8 billion into gold, which was trading at $290, and just kept it there until now at $1,350, he’d be worth over $6.5 billion. Or, more than double what he is currently worth.

And, if he had taken his gold holdings and put it into bitcoin in, say 2011, when we recommended bitcoin at $3, he’d have made a gain of over 230,000% and his $1.8 billion, which would have been over $5 billion by investing in gold, would then be worth $12 trillion, easily making him the wealthiest man in the world… well, except for the Rothschilds and the secret banking families.

Of course, he couldn’t have possibly purchased that much bitcoin at that price as it simply didn’t exist at the time.

But, if he had just picked up some gold and bitcoin along the way, he’d certainly be worth much, much more than he is today.

Thus, he really hates gold.

“Hate is not strong enough,” Cuban said, “Hate with extreme prejudice… hate with extreme prejudice is not enough, hate with double extreme prejudice with an ounce of hot sauce.”

No wonder he’s so angry. He wasted most of his wealth trying to be a reality TV star and purchasing a company of guys who chase each other around bouncing a ball and throwing it in a basket to lull the enslaved masses into a beer-infused stupor.

Simultaneously, though, Cuban endorses both the corrupted, top-down education system and the centrally planned, fiat dollar-based fractional reserve banking system that is responsible for at least one major financial crisis each decade and impoverishes everyone except the rich… like him.

Precious metals and cryptocurrencies happen to be the free market solutions to a collapsing dollar system, empowering people everywhere to survive and thrive, but Shark Cuban hates them.

The fiat system of debt is a house of cards supporting his favorite religion, the State. Now there’s something to hate.

Religion may have been first, but the State has become the most dangerous religion, robbing millions and killing countless in endless wars for oil and power.

The reason gold is preferred by people who care about freedom is because a gold standard handcuffs the State. It restricted politicians from overspending on rackets like “national defense” and it prevented government from rapidly building up the "public debt."

As Alan Greenspan put it, a gold standard checks the welfare state. That's probably why Cuban hates gold.

Actually, it makes perfect sense why this clown would love the State: he regularly uses it to protect his corporate patents.

Ironically though, it’s another case of “do as I say, not as I do,” because Mark also claims to despise the patent system.

As IP Watchdog detailed:

“Cuban has an outsized influence in this patent debate, and is walking both sides of the aisle. He has personally invested hundreds of thousands of dollars into the fight to stop what he characterizes as stupid patents, and he has invested millions into a business that only has those same stupid patents as the main asset.”

IP Watchdog goes on to describe how Cuban raised his “personal financial stake in a non-practicing entity” that also just so happened to be suing Google over a patent claim.

How convenient…

This kind of hypocrisy and doublespeak has become expected from the guy who announced in January that his sports team will begin accepting bitcoin payments “next season.”

Instead of worshipping at the altar of the State for so many years and telling his followers “the most patriotic thing” a person can do is “Pay your taxes. Lots of taxes,” Cuban should’ve read TDV (subscribe HERE), where we’ve helped thousands of people capitalize massively on gold and crypto.

But who needs to be a wise or savvy investor when you can just use the guns of your government god to impose your will on others?

Sorry Mark (not sorry), but the religion of the State is collapsing while assets like precious metals and cryptocurrencies are helping usher in this new era faster than your goons can regulate.

How ‘bout them Mavs though?

  YouTube

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Upcoming Events

d10e Liberland

Start date: April 12, 2018

End date: April 15, 2018

Location: Liberland

More Info

d10e is the leading conference on decentralization, exploring the future of fintech, ICOs, blockchain, the sharing economy, the future of work, and disruptive culture.

Since 2004, they have hosted organized 16 editions around the world in Amsterdam, Bucharest, Cayman Islands, Davos, Gibraltar, Kyiv, Ljubljana, Silicon Valley, Tel Aviv and Warsaw.

2018 United We Stand

Date: April 29, 2018

Time: 2-6pm CST

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Join the 2018 United We Stand Co-Hosted by Nexus Earth: A Solution-Based Movement Uniting Students with Conscious Musicians, Artists, and Thought Leaders to Awaken Political and Cultural Change.

***All Proceeds Will Go Towards Harvey Relief***

Beach Blockchain Summit

Start date: May 10, 2018

End date: May 11, 2018

Location: CEBU, Phillipines

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The world famous white sand beach of Boracay will be the venue for the first in a series of the Beach Blockchain Conference. The event will be a sunny celebration of the inroads that blockchain has made in the past year, and how companies around the world are adapting the use of decentralization.

Infinite Man Summit

Start date: July 13, 2018

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The Infinite Man Summit is a new event that inspires men to create extraordinary lives. We are a group of free thinkers who believe in truth, authenticity, and living outside the box. We believe an inspired and well informed man can achieve success in all the critical aspects of life, including health, wealth, relationships, and purpose.

Precious Metals Investment Symposium

Start date: October 3, 2018

End date: October 4, 2018

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Australia's largest precious metals event Symposium is presenting the 8th Annual Precious Metals Investment Symposium. This 2-day investment and educational event is being held at the Pan Pacific Perth Hotel, on the 3rd-4th of October 2018.

The conference and exhibition brings together every aspect of the precious metals investment industry from mining explorers and producers, to bullion companies and other investment vehicles.

Keynote speakers from across the globe will present their views on the future for the sector and ASX listed mining companies will provide updates on investment opportunities.

About the Author

Anarcho-Capitalist.  Libertarian.  Freedom fighter against mankind’s two biggest enemies, the State and the Central Banks.  Jeff Berwick is the founder of The Dollar Vigilante and host of the popular video podcast, Anarchast.  Jeff is a prominent speaker at many of the world’s freedom, investment and cryptocurrency conferences including his own, Anarchapulco, as well as regularly in the media including CNBC, Bloomberg and Fox Business.  Jeff also posts exclusive content daily to the new blockchain based social media network, Steemit.

from The Dollar Vigilante https://dollarvigilante.com/blog/2018/04/11/luckbox-mark-cuban-hates-bitcoin-and-gold-the-two-best-performing-assets.html via The Dollar Vigilante

[barbosaasouza]

Hearthstone: The Boomsday Project Card Analysis Lab (Part 1)

Card reveals have begun for Hearthstone's next big expansion. The Boomsday Project will dive deep into science and technology, as part of the next set for the Year of the Raven.

This expansion features the new keyword Magnetic, new Omega Projects, and Legendary Spells. And as is the case with each new Hearthstone expansion, Shacknews is stepping into the lab to analyze each of the Boomsday Project's new cards. So here we go!

(7) Dr. Boom, Mad Genius Type: Hero Class: Warrior Rarity: Legendary Battlecry: For the rest of the game, your Mechs have Rush. Source: The Boomsday Project Card Reveal Livestream

(2) Big Red Button Type: Activate this turn's Mech Suit power!

Did you miss our analysis of Dr. Boom, Mad Genius? Shacknews dove head-first into this all-new Hero Card on Monday, so be sure to catch up with that before moving forward.

(3) Spider Bomb (2/2) Type: Minion - Mech Class: Hunter Rarity: Rare Magnetic. Deathrattle: Destroy a random enemy minion. Source: The Boomsday Project Announcement Trailer

Analysis: This seems to point to an interesting direction for Hunter, because it's never been a particularly Mech-heavy class. More than that, the class has often focused more on outright aggression than control. Spider Bomb is definitely more of a control tool. On its own, it has below average 2/2 stats and probably won't be overly useful.

So then what can this magnetize to in order to make it more effective? So far, there haven't been any eye-opening Hunter Mechs and even Wild Hunters don't have too many useful Mechs that they could latch this onto. Maybe one of the Shredders would work here. Either way, the jury's out on this guy and it's not looking good.

Don't expect to see this particular scenario often, but at least be aware that Deathstalker Rexxar can technically latch Spider Bomb onto any Zombeast that's part-Nightmare Amalgam, since the Amalgam is "everything."

(4) Omega Defender (2/6) Type: Minion Class: Neutral Rarity: Epic Taunt. Battlecry: If you have 10 Mana Crystals, gain +10 Attack. Source: The Boomsday Project Announcement Trailer

Analysis: The Omega Defender is the first of the Omega Projects and it's a big one. On its own, it's a decent 2/6 Taunt that can be played on Turn 4. That's not too bad. But in the late game, it becomes a 12/6 with Taunt. As shown in the video, that's enough to solidly counter any Deathwing play.

Don't expect to see Omega Defender much in constructed, because Silence effects and removal spells can wreck this guy quickly. But this could be devastating in Arena, especially as both players' hands start to run low and direct counterplays become fewer and father between.

(1) Biology Project Type: Spell Class: Druid Rarity: Common Each player gains 2 Mana Crystals. Source: The Boomsday Project Announcement Trailer

Analysis: The idea behind this spell isn't bad on paper. For the Druid player, it's allows them to ramp up faster than using Wild Growth and is a much cheaper Nourish. Notice this card's text doesn't say empty Mana Crystals, which means some of these spells can even be combined.

The Druid player will ultimately have to decide whether their deck is good enough to handle the drawback of giving their opponent two extra Mana Crystals. Is it worth helping them ramp up? This could easily backfire in a Druid mirror, against an Ever Warlock, or against a Shudderwock Shaman. But if the Druid has Ultimate Infestation ready to get rolling in Standard or a handful of Jades ready to go in Wild, the trade-off just might be worthwhile.

(3) Electra Stormsurge (3/3) Type: Minion - Elemental Class: Shaman Rarity: Legendary Battlecry: Your next spell this turn casts twice. Source: The Boomsday Project Announcement Trailer

Analysis: Electra Stormsurge can be a lifesaver, especially in a deck running Hagatha the Witch. Shudderwock Shamans should be able to find a good home for this minion. If the board starts to get out of hand or if the Shaman player is on the verge of death, run a double Volcano or a double Healing Rain to get right back in the game.

Wild Shamans will definitely want to run this in their Burst Shaman deck, so that they can finish with double Lava Burst or double Crackle. Pyroblast-level damage for just 5-6 Mana? That's disgusting!

(5) Myra's Unstable Element Type: Spell Class: Rogue Rarity: Legendary Draw the rest of your deck. Source: The Boomsday Project Announcement Trailer

Analysis: It's hard to imagine what to make of the first of these Legendary spells. Would a game get so out of hand that the Rogue player would willfully put themselves in fatigue? It's possible, but ultimately feels unnecessary.

After all, the Miracle Rogue archetype makes it so that card draw is plentiful. Gadgetzan Auctioneer is practically an unstable element all on his own. Rogues should have no trouble digging into their deck, so why spend 5 Mana on this? There may be a minion or spell coming later in this expansion that will help answer this, but until that comes, this is getting a thumbs down for now. Or at the very least, an "Incomplete" grade.

(3) Stargazer Luna (2/4) Type: Minion Class: Mage Rarity: Legendary After you play the right-most card in your hand, draw a card. Source: Hearthstone: The Boomsday Project - Enter Boom Labs (Episode 1)

Analysis: I had to wrap my head around this one, but the more I read about Stargazer Luna, the more I like this card. This opens the door to a parade of Mage spells, especially if they have one or two Sorcerer's Apprentices at the ready. There's a certain element where the luck of the draw needs to be just right, but I like this as a potential alternative to Aluneth.

Stargazer Luna also gets more interesting when random cards are generated, like something off a Discover spell. Is that new card worth playing just for the card draw or is there something that will fit the current situation better? There's a certain amount of thinking that the Stargazer Luna needs to incorporate to maximize her potential. I'm not sure how useful she'll be at the end of the day, but in terms of concept, she's already proving to be one of my favorite cards of this set.

(2) Menacing Nimbus (2/2) Type: Minion - Elemental Class: Shaman Rarity: Common Battlecry: Add a random Elemental to your hand. Source: The Boomsday Project: Lab Logs Part 1

Analysis: There's very little downside to adding Menacing Nimbus to an Elemental Shaman deck. But it's going to work even better in an Even Shaman deck that could always use more resources. The Menacing Nimbus' 2/2 stats make it a solid Turn 2 play and can play well alongside Flametongue Totem. It'll help keep the Even Shaman's numbers up for later in the game and should prove useful... most of the time.

The trouble is, there are a lot of Elementals, even in Standard. For every Mountain Giant or Frozen Crusher the Menacing Nimbus generates, it could just as easily pop out a dud like Ice Walker or Dust Devil. It'll be good for what it is, but don't play Menacing Nimbus solely for its effect, because the result may be disappointing.

(5) Wargear (5/5) Type: Minion - Mech Class: Neutral Rarity: Common Magnetic Source: Hearthstide Chat: Magnetic

Analysis: This is a standard mid-level 5/5 body. It's one that'll play nicely with Mechs, but it'll take more than a Magnetic keyword to get into constructed decks. I can't see this guy getting much player there.

As an Arena choice, he's solid. He'll stand out just fine on his own with his 5/5 stats, with the ability to bolster other Mechs a pleasant bonus. He's a good backup choice behind Corrosive Sludge, which has become an Arena favorite over time.

(2) Upgradeable Framebot (1/5) Type: Minion - Mech Class: Neutral Rarity: Common Source: Hearthstide Chat: Magnetic

Anaylsis: The Hearthside Chat indicated that the Upgradeable Framebot can be used to upgrade the Wargear and vice-versa to craft together a 6/10 machine. That sounds nice on the surface, but I can't see anyone in constructed taking up two precious deck slots to make this happen.

Upgradeable Framebot is going to be more of a common find in Discover effects, such as Dr. Boom's Big Red Button. A 1/5 body won't do much and it's definitely on the lower-end of Discover cards, but there's a good chance it'll pop up later in the game.

(7) Beryllium Nullifier (3/8) Type: Minion - Mech Class: Warrior Rarity: Epic Magnetic: Can't be targeted by spells or Hero Powers. Source: Hearthstide Chat: Magnetic

Analysis: Speaking of Dr. Boom, imagine finding this giant rust bucket off his Big Red Button? This Warrior-exclusive Mech is going to be a nightmare whenever it gets bolstered with Taunt. And that's where its Magnetic effect will most often be used, attached to pesky Taunt minions. Imagine this guy going on Unpowered Steambot to create a 17-Health Taunt that can't be removed with spells.

Beryllium Nullifier's strength in Standard will ultimately be determined by what else is ahead for Boomsday Project card reveals. Meanwhile, Wild players are already getting excited about the potential of pairing this guy with Shredders, which typically have high Attack value and a lower Health number. Or maybe both Standard and Wild players can pair it up with...

(5) Zilliax (3/2) Type: Minion - Mech Class: Neutral Rarity: Legendary Magnetic, Divine Shield, Taunt, Lifesteal, Rush Source: Hearthstide Chat: Magnetic

Analysis: What a sickeningly amazing Legendary! Even on its own, a 3/2 Divine Shield minion with Lifesteal and Rush is almost a guaranteed Health recovery, even if it is modest. Now imagine pairing it up with a larger Mech for higher damage and a higher Health recovery total. Also, its Divine Shield ensures that it sticks around for at least a few seconds.

If anyone is running any kind of Mech deck going forward, Zilliax is almost assuredly going into it. There's almost no downside in playing it, unless the opposide side is filled with enemy minions. And considering that Chillblade Champion carries the same 3/2 line with less abilities for just one Mana less, Zilliax feels like the perfect cost, even as a solo play.

(4) Annoy-o-Module (2/4) Type: Minion - Mech Class: Paladin Rarity: Rare Magnetic. Divine Shield. Taunt. Source: Hearthstone: The Boomsday Project - Enter Boom Labs (Episode 2)

Analysis: This is Annoy-o-Tron's big brother, with literally double the stats for double the cost. The difference, other than Annoy-o-Module being a Paladin minion, is that it's Magnetic.

On its own, it's a decent play, but not exactly one that Paladin players will flock to. Arena players, in particular, are going to stick to Lone Champion. But the Magnetic keyword has the potential to give this guy legs.

Standard players will patiently wait on better Mechs to come along, but the Wild player is going to love pairing Annoy-o-Module with Shielded Minibot. Simply pop its Divine Shield and then magnetize it with Annoy-o-Module to give it a fresh Divine Shield and Taunt. And again, there are those pesky Shredders, like Piloted Shredder that will love the extra 2/4 Divine Shield bump.

That's all for now! Keep an eye on Shacknews over the next few weeks for more card breakdowns for The Boomsday Project, leading all the way up to the expansion's release on August 7.

Hearthstone: The Boomsday Project Card Analysis Lab (Part 1) published first on https://superworldrom.tumblr.com/

[praetorqueenreyna]

#i read 5 of these kinds of trades announcements every day and have never burst out laughing#hi tv and film industry yay we got renewed but also our lead is possessed by a vampire#lol this is an unhinged official quote and i love it#love getting this shit into my email inbox alongside all the boring shit

absolutely unhinged and hilarious official quotation to attach to a season renewal trades announcement  😂  😂  😂