#i quite like that his rage and drive outweighed his envy

[duckiemimi]

one aspect that i really like about geto’s character, particularly during the break up scene, is this seemingly passive (or rather, nonchalant) envy he has for gojo. he frames it like this: he deflects gojo’s frantic reasoning and calls him arrogant, because, “you could do it, satoru.” and before that, he calls his ideal “justice.” but the very core of his side of the dialogue (besides his barely concealed rage for the unfairness of the system) is when he says, “if i could be you, wouldn’t my impossible ideal become possible?” this swift declaration: if he could be him. gojo is the key to everything he wants. there is an active comparison happening here, geto to gojo, the impossible to possible.

all this to say that even despite this carefully hidden envy, geto made no move to use gojo to his advantage. “if i could be you” is wishful thinking, but it never turned to malicious “if i could use you.” more than his hubris, more than his rage, his respect (and in turn, his love) for gojo rings true. (and more than gojo, his loss of will.)

[1-1snailxd-art]

Sides of a Hero

Chapter index --------- Chapter 10

Chapter 11: The sealing of friendship 

Summary:  Virgil finally confesses how Depression ended up sealed away; something he has never had to talk about before.

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"ReMeMbEr. TrUsT. AcCePt"

The voices were carried along another gust of wind. Patton shivered slightly, not hearing the voice that graced Virgil's ears but feeling the cool bite of the air.

A blanket flopped onto Patton's head. "What?" he exclaimed, crawling out from underneath.

"I would take you into my room, but we both know that won't end well."

Two bean bags appeared on the blanket and Virgil crawled over to slump down into one. Patton jumped into the other, pulling the blanket with him. He wasn't really that cold, but the weight of the blanket was very much a comfort.

"These really are comfy. I can see why you enjoy sitting in them so much." Patton snuggled deeper into the bean bag.

"Yeah." Virgil laughed. "They are very calming."

 "Virgil?"

"Yeah, Pops."

"Earlier, you said that you sealed Depression away." Virgil waited silently for Patton to continue; even though he already knew where he was going with his questioning. "But you just said that you couldn't stand up to him alone. Was it the other impulses that helped you?"

"Some of them," Virgil sighed and positioned himself so he could look at Patton. "Most of the impulses didn't care what Depression did. They had their own path to follow. Not everyone used this Safe Space regularly...they preferred other areas."

"But some of them helped you, right?"

"Yeah. I wish some of them hadn’t though."

 **************************************************************************************** 

The cliff edge was a buzz as the group of impulses mucked around with a paper airplane; a replica of what Thomas had made that day. Anxiety had mentioned to Deceit that he was worried about Depression's increasing effect on Thomas and the impulse had organised a meeting at the cliff edge. Envy, Greed, Lust, Gluttony, Ego, Rage, Impatience, and Guilt had all agreed to the secret meeting at the cliffs edge. Depression hadn't left the Safe Space in over a week, so they weren't worried about him showing up at all.  

 Anxiety sat near the edge, looking down into the eternal darkness that had been slowly climbing up the cliff. He wanted to help Thomas. He wanted Depression to stop making Thomas sad, snappy and reclusive. He needed the others to help him, but he just couldn't bring himself to speak.

Impatience huffed, "Come on, Anxiety. We are here. Hurry up and tell us what this is all about."

The others stopped throwing the plane and looked at Impatience, who was standing behind Anxiety; hands on his hips and leaning to the side.

Anxiety stood and turned to where the others were; head down, fidgeting with his sleeves. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

Deceit walked over to stand next to his friend and carefully laid a hand on Anxiety's back; his split eye glowing yellow. Anxiety looked up but couldn't see any of the other impulses.

"It's only you and me here, Anxiety." Deceit whispered. "You are only talking to me."

Suddenly feeling less pressure, Anxiety could finally form words and his worries poured out. Every concern he had over the effect Depression would have if he continued to grow in strength.

 "And what do you expect us to do? What do you want from me?" questioned Greed.

Deceit twisted the words, so they sounded like they came from his own mouth.

Anxiety sighed. "I want to seal Depression away. I know a room is developing to the side of our space. I want to seal Depression in there. W-we...we can't let Depression become a core side. It wouldn't...I-I-It wouldn't be safe for Thomas."

Deceit took his hand away from Anxiety and looked out at the other impulses. Some shifted awkwardly as they considered Anxiety's words, while others appeared nonchalant.

 "Depression is getting too strong for my liking," commented Envy.

"I'm in if Envy is," Rage added.

"Count me in," Ego and Lust spoke in unison; glancing at each other and exchanging a smile.

"If we can get it done quickly, then I'll help too" Impatience flicked his hair back and turned to leave, "call me when you have worked out who will carry the seal."

Deceit looked at the final impulses, Gluttony, Greed and Guilt, "What about you three?"

"Not interested," Gluttony shrugged and turned to leave.

"I'm not giving any of my energy to help. Not sorry," added Greed, following Gluttony; leaving Guilt standing alone; all eyes on him.

"I...I don't want to hurt anyone, but..." they all waited for Guilt's response. "I won't help with the sealing, but I...I... I’ll be there...as a neutral party though."

Everyone but Anxiety nodded; acknowledging Guilt's decision.

 "So, who will carry the burden of the seal?" Lust questioned the group.

"It was Anxiety's plan, so he should be the one to carry the seal." Rage looked around the group, and they all nodded in agreement.

"Sounds like a horrible plan," Deceit added.

 The impulses all instinctively knew about seals; though some would forget over time or not recall many. They used them during fusions, and they had the potential to increase their influence in their natural territory. They took energy to create, and even more to maintain. Anxiety didn't want to be the one with that much responsibility, but he knew it was unfair to expect anyone else to carry that burden.

Finally, Anxiety nodded. "I'll do it."

"It's decided then. We make a temporary fusion with Anxiety," Envy reviewed. "Anxiety then confronts Depression and seals him in that weird room. Then, we separate, and life goes back to normal."

"Sounds great to me," Rage smiled at Envy.

Virgil watched as the impulses left, before returning to his seat at the edge. He was terrified of what could go wrong, but his drive to help Thomas outweighed his fear of Depression and letting the others down.

******************************************************************************************* 

"Wow, Virgil, that was a really brave thing you did." Patton beamed at his friend.

Virgil raised an eyebrow. "What? How was that brave? All I did was outsource my problems."

"But you had a problem and you took steps towards solving it. I'm sure that was hard for you to do. That is brave, Virgil."

Virgil remained silent; fidgeting with his sleeves. He wasn't sure how to respond to Patton's compliment; especially considering he didn't feel that it was true.

 "What happened next?" Patton's voice broke the silence and Virgil scratched the back of his neck and avoided eye contact.

"Exactly what we planned. We fused. I sealed depression. Life went on. End of story."

Patton laughed, "nice try, Kiddo." Patton's voice became serious. "Be honest, Virgil. What happened?"

Virgil stood up and started walking along the streams edge. Patton stayed seated and watched in silence; waiting to see if Virgil would open up or shut him out. He hoped for the former but was ready to accept the latter.

 Virgil stopped and looked at his reflection in the stream; slightly rippled by the flowing water.

"It started with Rage fusing with the others; which was easy because they allowed him to do so. All I had to do was let Rage fuse with me, and we were ready to face Depression in the room."

"I bet it felt really good to be fused with so many of your friends," Patton offered, sensing the sadness within Virgil's voice.

"Quite the opposite. It was...painful and... wrong. Like I was me, but with 100 other thoughts and feelings coursing through me."

"Oh," that crushed Patton. He regretted interrupting now and watched as Virgil sat at the edge of the stream and continued talking.

 *******************************************************************************************

Guilt looked at the newly fused impulse and frowned. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Anxiety nodded, "Ok. I'll be in the territory, waiting to see who is victorious I guess."

 Anxiety appeared in the room just as Depression stepped out of the wardrobe, beaming from ear to ear.

"What's up, Anxiety? I just checked out the other room. It's a little bare but I'm sure you can make it work."

Every muscle in Anxiety's body wanted him to leave; just turn and run back to the cliff edge. Everything felt so wrong inside of him and the figure in front of him scared him all the way to his core. He knew what he planned to do. What he had to do. Yet he had to fight against every fibre of his being to bring himself to do it.

"You have become a danger to Thomas." He tried to sound confident, but his voice wavered. "You need to stop..."

"Stop what? I'm a part of Thomas. Shouldn't he be feeling what I am feeling?"

"You aren't helping Thomas at all." Anxiety felt his confidence slowly increasing. "All you are doing is holding him back."

"And what is it that you do?" Depressions voice started to distort and echo around the room.  "How are you any better than me?"

"I...I keep Thomas safe. I hate going out, but Thomas can't spend all his days at home."

Depression laughed and walked straight past Anxiety towards the door for the territory.

"You are too strong Depression." Anxiety raised his voice and faced his friend with newfound strength. "You need to back off or we will make you."

 Rage may have been fused with Anxiety, but Depression had his own anger and sense of self preservation. Anxiety wasn't going to stop him in his room. He turned and met Anxiety's eyes.

"You can't stop me, Anxiety. You are just a little, insignificant impulse. I am important. Thomas wants me. I wouldn't have a room if he didn't."

Depression lunged forward, fist clenched and ready to strike. Anxiety braced himself for the oncoming punch, when he felt the push of Rage igniting his fight reflex. He dodged Depression's oncoming punch and kicked out hard with his foot, sending the impulse tumbling backwards.

"That was foolish, Anxiety." Depression spat, standing back up to face his former friend. "Do you really think you can take what is mine? I'm going to be a core side, whether you like it or not!"

Depression charged at Anxiety again, faster and in an animalistic fashion. Anxiety found himself pinned against a wall before he could even register what had happened.

"Maybe you are the one that needs to stop. Thomas is MINE to control." Depression's knee collided with Anxiety's stomach, and he threw the impulse to the ground. "Pathetic, little, no-name. You must be seriously fucked up if you thought you could beat me alone."

 Anxiety hissed as he pushed himself up, "I'm not alone."

"What was that?" Depression grabbed Anxiety's jacket and pulled him up close, ready to throw the impulse down again.

"I said," Anxiety's eyes flared bright purple. "I'm not alone."

Anxiety visualised chains wrapping around Depression's wrist. As the black chains formed and took hold, Depression released the impulse; dropping him to the ground.

"What do you think you are DOING!" roared Depression, pulling at the chains encompassing his wrists.

"I'm protecting Thomas."

 The wardrobe door burst open and two chains snaked out. Depression tried to run, but the chains grabbed at his ankles and forced him to the floor.

"Do you think this is enough to stop ME!" Depression fought against the chains vigorously, but they were fused to his body; pulling him towards the wardrobe.

Anxiety hissed in pain as his skin burned to form the first two circles of the seal.

Laughter echoed around the room as multiple black shadows began emerging from the walls. "Do you think you are strong enough to deal with Thomas' darkest thoughts without me?"

The shadows lunged forward and crashed into Anxiety, knocking all the air out of his lungs and he immediately dropped to the ground.

 The closer Depression came to the wardrobe, the more shadows emerged from the walls, floor and the room itself. Each one crashed into Anxiety with so much force, he thought he would never get air into his lungs ever again. He knew the others were still fused with him, but he couldn't sense their presence at all. There was only his own fear and pain. Anxiety felt his consciousness slipping, but to do so would undo the two seals already in place and trap the others inside of him.

"I... can’t...let...them...down." Anxiety huffed, doing his best to push himself up despite the pressure of the shadows.

"What was that, Anxiety?"  

"YOU!"

Depression was quickly pulled into the wardrobe with an increased force. Anxiety followed him into the dark room and stared at the confused impulse.

"WILL NOT!"

Anxiety's arm felt like it was on fire as a cage of black formed around Depression.

"HURT THOMAS!"

Depression's eyes grew wide with fear as he realised what was happening. The shadows were being absorbed by Anxiety, instead of knocking him around. Desperate to stop the sealing, Depression made one final attempt by pulling his shadows together and aiming for one concentrated hit.

"ANYMORE!"

 It happened all at once. The final seal formed on Anxiety's arm, connecting the other circles together. The cage surrounding Depression became solid. Then, Depressions concentrated spear of shadows pierced through Anxiety's chest from behind. Anxiety felt everything, and yet he felt nothing at the same time. The world went dark....

 ****************************************************************************************

 A sob behind him made Virgil stop and he turned to see tears sliding down Patton's cheeks. Noticing Virgil's stare, Patton pulled the blanket up to cover his face.

"Don't mind me," Patton sniffed, his voice muffled by the blanket. "Keep going...if you want to."

Standing, Virgil sighed and moved to sit next to Patton; leaning on the bean bag. He knew physical closeness was helpful when feeling upset. As much as he hated it, it was useful, and he wanted to help Patton as much as this talking was helping him.

 The area seemed brighter now; as if enhanced by a photo filter. Less trees were choked by dark shadows and even the water somehow had a more peaceful rhythm to its flow. Virgil smiled to himself, realising that this was exactly what the voices had wanted him to do and he liked that he was being rewarded. Leaning back, he pulled back his sleeve to look at the seal. Patton peaked out from behind the blanket so he could hear Virgil clearly.

"I don't know what happened after that. I woke up in my room, but not everyone was there."

 **************************************************************************************** 

The room seemed larger and darker after the sealing and Anxiety slowly sat up and inspected the area. He noticed Lust helping Ego up off the ground, and Rage was observing Deceit as he crafted a new lock for the wardrobe door. Looking around it became clear that Impatience and Envy were nowhere to be seen.

"What is going on, guys? Where are the others?"

The four impulses suddenly turned to all look at Anxiety, fear and shock in their eyes. He instantly felt sick from their gazes, and his head spun violently causing him to stumble backwards. Lust was behind him in no time, and carefully guided Anxiety back to the ground.

"You're ok," Lust panted.

"We knew you were going to be alright," Deceit roughly patted Rage on the back. "I told you he was only sleeping."

Anxiety rubbed his head, "Great to know you had confidence in me, Deceit."

"I'm not sorry. You were so vibrant, and we assumed you were fine."

Anxiety groaned and felt himself leaning more against Lust. His exhaustion outweighing any worries over annoying the impulse.

"Not fading on us, are you?" Lust questioned nervously. "We've already lost enough friends today."

 Anxiety felt sick down in the very pit of his stomach as he realised what had happened, and why the others had reacted the way they had when he woke up. Envy and Impatience hadn't returned after the fusion, meaning they were now fused with one of them or they had faded into the mindscape. Anxiety hoped the first option had happened; Thomas still needed those impulses even though they weren't part of his core sides.

 Anxiety was knocked out of his thoughts by the soft slapping of someone's palm against his cheek. "Oi! Anxiety!" Rage's harsh voice rang in his ears. "You're looking pale again."

"I'm always pale," Anxiety mumbled.

The surrounding impulses collectively sighed. "Let's get out of here for a bit," Rage piped up. "This place is starting to leave a bad taste in my mouth."

 Lust gripped Anxiety tight and all the impulses teleported to the edge of the mindscape. Lust positioned themself so they could sit comfortably with Anxiety resting in their lap, and slowly ran their hand through the exhausted impulse's hair.

"So, what is the plan now?" Rage asked, staring out at the orange painted sky.

"We go back to focusing on our jobs." Lust watched Anxiety's features relax with each stroke through his hair. "We help Thomas and keep searching for our place in the mindscape."

Ego sat next to Lust, inspecting the scars on Anxiety's arm that formed the seal of Depression's cage. Rage and Deceit joined the others on the ground. None of them wanted to return to the safe space; it certainly wasn't feeling safe at that moment.

Anxiety listened to his friend's breathing as they all sat in silence, unable to celebrate a victory with the lingering loss of their friends.

 ****************************************************************************************** 

Patton threw his arms awkwardly around Virgil's shoulders in an attempt to hug him.

"Fuck." The shift in weight on the bean bag caused Virgil to fall to the ground, knocking his head and Patton rolled onto Virgil's chest. Virgil coughed, "Shit, Pat. Calm down."

"I'm sorry," Patton sobbed; quickly sitting up and wrapping the blanket tightly around himself. "I j-j-just feel s-s-so ba-ba-bad."

"Woah, woah, woah." Virgil sat up and put his hands on Patton's shoulders. "You need to stop for a second and just breathe for me, Pat."

Virgil started counting for Patton to breathe; the moral side did his best to comply through his sobs.

 "You alright now?"

Patton pulled Virgil into a tight hug, pressing his face against Virgil's chest. "Much better."

"Alright, alright," Virgil pushed Patton back. "That is way too much physical contact."

Patton lent back, "Sorry, Kiddo. I guess I got a little carried away there."

"It's cool. You do have a lot of feelings."  Virgil gave Patton a half smile and adjusted his hoodie. "I'm sorry I overloaded you with all of that. I should have stopped when I saw it was upsetting you."

"No. No," Patton adjusted himself and regained his composure. "I'm glad you told me."

"Yeah. Well..." Virgil rubbed the back of his head. "I'm glad I told you too. I... I actually feel a lot better now."

 Patton beamed, "See! Talking about our problems really does help."

Virgil couldn't help but laugh and stood, holding his hand out for Patton to take it. "I should really get you back to the common area. I think you've been gone long enough."

Using Virgil's hand, Patton pulled himself up. "Sounds fine by me, but I have one more question."

"Ugh, of course you do. What is it?"

"Oh, well," Patton fidgeted with his cardigan. "What happened to you after all that? It sounds like you and the other impulses were all good friends, but you said that Ego and Lust left on bad terms."

 Suddenly, the ground seemed like a great thing to look at and Virgil swore his heart stopped for a second.

"Well, it turned out Depression was right...The room was for me and I became the thing that they all hated; a core side."

"I'm sure th..."

"I was a total ass, Pat. I ignored Lust and Ego and then shunned them when they decided to stay in the kingdom. I lied to Rage and Deceit. I literally deceived the physical embodiment of deceit."

"Is that why you were so secluded when you became a core side?"

"Yeah. I didn't want to be a side...I didn't feel worthy. I still don’t sometimes. When I started appearing before Thomas; that was when the others found out."

"I'm guessing they weren't very happy about that." Patton's voice was low and quiet, missing his usual positive vibe.

"No. I wasn't in a good place after that. I didn't think I belonged here... And I hurt Thomas."

"That was when you sealed yourself in your room, right? Cutting off your influence."

Virgil nodded solemnly. "That was a really stupid decision."

"Oh, I don't think so," Patton perked up. "Actually, that was an awesome thing you did."

"What?" Virgil looked up at Patton, completely confused. "Think about it. After you did that, we realised how important you were to Thomas. I mean, I wish we knew that sooner, but it was an important turning point for all of us."

"Hmm, I guess you're right... Alright. Enough of this." Virgil shook his head, "Way too much sharing and social interaction. Time to go back."

"Yay!" Patton through his arms around Virgil and laughed as the other side groaned.

Virgil took them back to the hallway and found Logan and Roman arguing.

Chapter index ----------- next chapter